#well ok except satan

[theothervonkarmagirl]

🍭:

always wonder how her partners feel about the completely one-sided Apollo feud lol

I know at least a couple would want her to stop. Especially if they had children. Because is that a good example for them? Someone embarrasses you one time and you terrorize them forever????

(Maria vc yes)

(Fun fact: It is hard to truly humiliate Maria, so the few people who manage to do it will be on her shit list for eternity)

I wonder if any would be indifferent or even encourage it tho omg

[oflgtfol]

im only like 25 mins into a walkthrough of cult of the lamb but it seems to be mocking like, christianity? even more so than just the whole satantic cult thing in and of itself. like it doesn’t seem to be edgy just to be edgy, like a lot of the way this religion functions, it has all the aesthetics of stereotypical evil satanic cults, but it borrows a lot of the language and organization of christianity, in a way that i can see as being purposefully mocking of modern christianity, though maybe thats just the ex catholic in me. lol.

[kxllerblond]

[rainbowsunshinegeesus]

i just went to some church thing and i found someone who said they remember me from high school 😦 which means they probably remember me walking round the school looking like this

[zephyrchama]

"Do I have to?" Beelzebub asked hesitantly.

"You chose dare!" Asmodeus exclaimed. "You have to! Call him!"

Belphegor sighed. "Why didn't you choose truth instead?"

"I wanted to know what the dare would be," Beelzebub said, truthfully.

Mammon grabbed the D.D.D. out of his hands and punched in Simeon's number himself. "Hurry up 'n make the call! We ain't got all night!"

Everybody huddled around as the phone line started ringing. They wanted to be within range to hear it. Everybody except Lucifer, who wanted no part of it. He was sipping a glass of Demonus across the room and making sure this party game didn't get too rowdy.

It took five rings for Simeon to pick up. He sounded a little groggy, like he'd been woken from sleep. "Hello?"

"Simeon? Hi." Beelzebub's greeting was ordinary, but it sent Mammon into a fit of giggles. Somebody had too much to drink.

"Shut up, he's gonna hear you," Satan growled. Mammon's laugh turned into a shriek of pain after receiving a sharp elbow to the side. Belphegor shushed them both.

"Beelzebub? Are you there? Are you with your brothers?"

Leviathan grabbed Beel's shirt. "He's on to us! Abort mission!"

"I can't hear, shut up, shut up!" Asmodeus leaned in closer and urged Beel, "keep going!"

"Simeon." A bead of sweat rolled down Beelzebub's brow. "Is your refrigerator running?"

Silence. It only lasted seconds, but it felt like an hour. Then, "the refrigerator? One second." Footsteps could be heard on the line as Simeon walked through Purgatory hall. "It was fine when I made dinner this evening. Why?"

"I need to know if your refrigerator is running."

"Ok, ok. Hold on..."

The demon brothers waited for an answer with bated breath. It was probably the most quiet they'd been in a century. They heard a heavy door being opened, and finally. Simeon's answer.

"Nothing looks broken. Everything inside is still cold, and the light is on, so... yes? I believe it's running fine."

"Yesss," Leviathan whispered. "Finish the job, Beel!"

Asmodeus could hardly contain his snicker. Satan had a hand over his own mouth, but his leg bounced in anticipation. Belphegor was mouthing the ever-so-important punchline with a twinkle in his eye.

"I see. Well, then. You better go catch it."

Everyone in the room exploded into laughter (except Lucifer, who rolled his eyes), and Beelzebub quickly hung up the call with a confident smile. Mammon whooped, Belphegor fell back in relief, Levi and Satan high-fived, and Asmodeus jumped on Beel to give him the tightest hug he could muster. This monumental success was worthy of another round of drinks, and another round of Truth or Dare.

----

Minutes later, Leviathan's D.D.D. pinged. It was a text from Simeon.

"How do I 'catch' a refrigerator? Everything looks alright, but I can't risk the food inside going bad. Please assist."

[knife-eared-jan]

Ok, as much as I have been hyping and playing 12 hours a day since it got out (still in Act 1 though, bc I'm a slowass player and completionist), I feel like I have to say something that is getting hard to ignore at this point... and I wanna preface this by saying that I am loving a lot of aspects of the game and I adore the writing when it comes to the companions, who I am obsessed with.

And maybe this will get better yet, as I generally heard the writing picks up once the story progresses beyond picking up all companions..

But I'm starting to get quite upset at the way the writing just does NOT care about the established lore and the politics of Thedas like at all, when to me - and many others - that richness, nuance and depth of the world is what makes the games so special.

(Spoilers below)

I looked past the way the elves in Arlathan just seemed to know that their gods are evil and Solas is "kind of a dick" but was right about that. When, you know, that made him basically the Satan of their pantheon up to now.. It was after all the tutorial stage of the game and I understand that you wanna ease newcomers into the lore. I could also handwave it in-universe with Morrigan being there - she could have filled the Veiljumpers in on the discoveries of the Inquisition or even what the Well told her.

It felt a bit weird that our contacts in every other faction just accepted this huge revelation without a blink, but again it was the early stages and I also get that having a discussion about it 6 times with different faction leaders would have been incredibly tedious. So I ignored that. And yeah, at least the First Warden found it hard to swallow.

The fact that they brushed aside the gods finding elven subjects - many of whom after all still worship them - with one sentence from Solas was disappointing though. Instead they chose to ally them with the Venatori and the Antaam who are the pure evil factions with no nuance or motive to side with them besides a comic book level of hunger for power. They didn't even throw in a sentence about the gods maybe speaking to the Venatori through the Archdemons to get them on their side or how it's very ironic that the Venatori, who want to make Tevinter great again, stoop to working with the pantheon of the people they oppress because they see them as lesser and other. No political exploration of the massive lore implications at all.

It really hit me when I picked up Davrin and he commented how Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain blighting the world would really endear us (elves) to the rest of Thedas - this was the first time anyone actually mentioned the political impact of the elven gods being real, freed, evil and blighted on modern day elves at all, when this should be HUGE. It should be ugly. It should be complex. It should be explored in as many examples as bloodmagic and the oppression of mages was in DA2. It should be a central point of Act 1. (This btw made me love Davrin so much in that moment because this was the first time in the game for me when I actually felt like talking to a Dragon Age elf and even just that one line felt like home.)

And now I just did Taash's first companion quest and it seems Qunari lore is also being ignored (except for the gender aspect of it, which I look forward to). Taash's mum was a scholar and had a baby and the only problem about that was that it could breathe fire and was special but otherwise all would have been dandy? Like she would have just been allowed to keep Taash long enough to find that out about her baby if she was living under the Qun? That directly contradicts everything we know about how the Qunari's culture around reproduction and childcare works.

Sorry to be negative and talking myself into a rage - I know it's not something people want to see rn. But like, I realise you have to brush over some lore intricacies for brevity and to make it digestible for new players. But this is a world initially inspired by Wheel of Time and ASOIAF, both of which are interesting because of the depth of ficitional cultures, lore and politics, and hence it's also what gives Dragon Age its appeal. And now they take us to the most politcally interesting areas on the world map and just get rid of all of political depth?

That's really disappointing. Imagine if Winds of Winter dropped all political themes just because there's several previous books and it's been some a lot of years.

Also, I managed to play DA2 before I ever played Origins and they could introduce me to a vast established background of lore just fine back then.

Sorry. Rant over. But I had to get that out of my system.

[experimentfae]

Alastor x Wife! Reader

Oneshot / fluff

After you and alastor had moved into the hotel to “help.” Let’s just say that the rest of the hotel residents saw pda all. The. Time.

Vaggie watched as alastor kissed your hand again! “Sweet satan can those two get a room already that’s literally the seventh time he kissed her hand.” She grumbled out “aw come on vaggie you have to admit it’s sweet seeing love like that’s down here, it’s rare, except our love of course.” Stated Charlie.

“I get it, we get like that, but the difference is that we do it SOMETIMES they do it EVERY TIME they have the chance.” She Argued “and besides I just really don’t like that radio dipshit.” “Oh please you don’t like anyone attached to a dick.” Angel dust butted in while he laid on the other couch busy looking at his phone.

Vaggie could only roll her eyes in response “well I think our pda is not of your concern.” Spoke alastor with a smug look which made everyone except you jump a little “satan’s asshole do you always have to come out like that?!” Argued angeldust “it’s more entertaining to watch all of you jump in a little scare.” Alastor replied proud of himself to make them a little scared.

“Dear even if it was quite hilarious we can’t do that to them all the time… it wouldn’t be entertaining anymore like that.” You advised him while you walked towards him to be next to him. “You’re right my dear, wouldn’t wish that.”

“Yep a match made in hell.” Grumbled out husk then he continued to take his beer “husk is right my dear we the perfect pair.” “I don’t think that’s what he meant sorta, but we are perfect for each other.” Just then you looked to see the clock then you let out a gasp “oh Al we don’t want to be late for our dinner reservations.” You stated, “oh yes, we must get ready.”

With a simple snap of his finger’s you and alastor were completely dressed “what’s up with the getup?” Angeldust questioned “it’s our anniversary, so we going to the cannibal colony to alastor’s favorite restaurant.” You smiled “wait you’re a cannibal too.” Vaggie asked in shock “well… I did try demon meat and it’s not that bad.” You answers shrugging your shoulders “so that’s a yes? Or … no?” Charlie questioned further “mmm yeah I believe so.” You answered again.

“Huh didn’t take you for a cannibal.” Spoke husk “yeah have you ate another’s man pecker and Al if she did would you be ok with that?” Questioned angeldust “absolutely not.” You both answered “enough with the questions we must hurry (y/n).” Demanded alastor “goodb- you didn’t get to finish you’re farewell due to alastor, once again he snapped his fingers and you were at the restaurant.

“Thankfully my love we made it on time.” Alastor spoke while he grabbed your hand and guided you inside the restaurant. A host was at the front seeming to writing something “welcome to the FedOnPals how may- when he looked up he immediately panicked “T-The alastor by hen smiled wider “yes me the radio demon and my lovely wife!” Alastor stated proudly also just because you knew he was an attention whore so he wanted others to know he was there.

Of course some of the cannibals in the restaurant seemed nervous. “Well- yes um of course I see you’re name on the list so… let me b-bring to your table.” The man said clearly wanting to get out of this situation as fast as possible.

Of course you two got the best seats in the house “a waiter will be with you shortly very… shortly p-promise.” The host immediately left with only made alastor chuckle “I do love the perks of being an overlord.” “Aw even more than me?” You teased with a smirk, he smiled wider “no dear you know I can’t love anything more than you.”

You smiled “I love the outfits you picked for us by the way very classy.” “Of course, only the best for my wife.” Just then a waiter came in “hello I’m Mindy and I’ll have your orders.” The demoness spoke as she gave you two the menus.

As the demoness left you two picked out your orders, ate, alastor paid then you two left to go to a jazz club to dance “oh honey you rembered my favorite spot.” You spoke with pure joy “I could never forget, besides our love for jazz is how we meet.” You smiled brighten as you pecked his cheek making him lightly blush “adorable.” “Me? adorable!? dear don’t joke like that.” Alastor demanded making you laugh “oh honey alright just having a little fun.”

Alastor opened the door for you, the song ‘lets misbehave’ by Irving Aaronson filled you’re ears “oh that’s a good song.” You stated, you thanked alastor and went through and he went after you.

You immediately dragged him to the dance floor which he happily let you, both you begin doing the Charleston funny enough this song always reminded you have alastor.

He then brought you into the foxtrot dance, you both looked into each others eyes that are filled with love. He the suddenly gave you a kiss making you blush but immediately kiss back.

You two continued dance, happy to in each others arms and having a loving relationship and knowing that you two where always will be inseparable.

<- Back to MasterList or back to Hazbin Hotel

[koolades-world]

Hello hello I’ve had another idea!! For the bros

Ok so. This MC is a real solemn person. Hardly ever smiles. Loves their demons a lot, doesn’t hide that, but is always so serious about it. Doesn’t really laugh or goof off or play with them or anything…

Except! One day, one of the demons impulsively kisses MC on the forehead/cheek/tip of their nose/on top of their head. Something real quick and innocent like that. A small gesture of affection.

Turns out that has a hell of an effect on their solemn human! It makes them light up like the dawn! They’re all smiley and bouncy and giggly for the rest of the day! They’re all like :D :D :D about it

(Seeing them smile for real like this for once, the demons notice that MC has dimples. They didn’t know that before!)

Write it if you want, no pressure as always, have fun :) also, if all 7 is too many, you could make it Asmo, Beel, and/or Satan. I think they’d work well for this. Do what you like though, your writing is always good! :)

hello!!!! i can already imagine mc's face going from :| to :D. and the brothers reactions. so cute!

enjoy <3

Serious Mc who lights up after receiving affection

Lucifer

he's not one to impulsively give out kisses, since they're usually planned and deliberate

but he's very glad that he did

he wouldn't trade that smile, or anything about you for the world

you demeanor for the rest of the day determines his too, since he also finds himself more happy and smiley than usual

Mammon

he cannot stop thinking about your dimples

i love the idea that he has them too, and obsess over the fact that you're matching

the first chance he gets he snaps a candid photo of you with that gorgeous smile

anytime he feels down, he just looks at it and thinks of you <3

Levi

it took him a while to work up the courage to give you that kiss

and he's sure glad he did

he was initially embarrassed at first, but he warmed up to this bubbly version of you

he will start to blush and try to brush off the subject if anyone asks why you were like that though haha

Satan

he didn't think such a switch up in demeanor was possible, until he met you

he equally loves the usual you and this new side of you

it makes you human, and while he would not know what that's like, that's what he adores about you

although he won't lie, he loves your dimples since they remind him of one of his favorite book characters

Asmo

and he thought he was the most beautiful thing in all the realms!

seeing you absolutely light up at something he gave you made his day

it's like you're a different person

since it's asmo, he'll be making a routine out of this to see that lovely smile more often

Beel

he didn't think it was possible to like you more than he already did

spoiler alert: he was wrong

when he looks at that smile, it's like there's nothing bad in the world and he can forget about what plagues him

he'd do anything for you and that precious grin <33

Belphie

he finds it a little eerie at first

he didn't even know you were capable of smiling

but he quickly grows used to it once he learns how infectious it is

he's got a cheeky little habit of tickling you while the both of you are relaxing as a way to make you laugh and smile at the same time

[cafe-smut]

I'm realizing that if Obey Me!MC ever met WHB!MC, they'd lose their shit.

-

OB: YOU HAVE TO DO WH A T TO SURVIVE?!

WHB: You dont?!

OB: that feels, and I mean this sincerely, so illegal. Are you ok? Is it consensual? Do I need to call someone for you?!

-

*demon bros fighting*

OB: SIT BOYS! Anyways, like I was saying-

WHB, staring at the Demon Brothers unable to move, kneeling on the ground: I cannot express to you how jealous I am right now.

-

OB, glaring at WHB!Leviathan: oh my diavolo you're a bitch. I feel like I just touched something dirty. Gross, ugh. LEVI COME SNUGGLE!!

WHB, watching Leviathan about to murder OB as other Levi turns into a happy blushy mess and gets headpats* oh no

-

Bael and Beelzebub staring at Beel and Belphie: so you don't just leave to do whatever?

Beel: no? I have a job here outside of Rad- why are you crying.

Bael: can we please trade???

Belphie: hELL NO!

-

OB: wait so your mammon is like, rich rich?

WHB: more like three but- wait is yours not?

OB: . . . No comment.

-

*WHB screaming in terror and trying to run at the sight of Simeon, Luke, and losing it at the name Raphael*

OB: angels where they're are evil and trying to kill them. Don't worry about it.

*10 minutes later*

WHB nestled in Simeon's wings literally having the time of their life and super upset about it: mAn, ouR aNgELs fUcKinG SUCK.

OB, staring down a chained up WHB!Barbatos with disgust: your demons suck too. Where are his clothes?

-

OB!Solomon: ^ ^

WHB: oh you're their solomon?! Man my demons would probably love to mee-

OB popping their head in: NO THEY WOULDNT HES A SHADY BITCH!!

OB!Solomon: how could you say such a thing?

OB: You poisoned me just last week!

OB!Solomon: I made you dinner as you weren't feeling well!

WHB: aww, how ni-

OB: EXACTLY!!! POISON!! I COULDNT MOVE FOR TWO DAYS!!

WHB: 0_o

-

*The whole demon bros and kings and company staring each other down*

WHB: ok, so um- this is kind of hard to explain-

OB: SOLOMON AHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME YOU SHADY BITCH?!

Literally the whole WHB cast: SOLOMON?!

WHB: he's not like our Solomon. Sorry guys.

Someone: but it's-

*cue OB flipping OB!Solomon off as he hides a large thick tome behind his back while yelling at him. Lucifer facepalms, groaning*

OB!Lucifer: I have too much work for this.

OB, turning around and grinning: HEY YOU GUYS WANNA SEE A MAGIC TRICK?!

OB!Mammon, clocking it right away: TREASURE NO-

OB: Lucifer, bark!

OB!Lucifer: woof . . . You're fucking dead.

*silence. Both Satan's burst out laughing among others*

-

Meanwhile poor Luke is being threatened by a couple WHB Demons and that's OB!MC's child so NO THANK YOU!!

WHB is extremely jealous of the magic they can wield, but does help stop their more powerful demons from killing the OB angels. Who are horrified at the thought of aimless murder like that. Except Raphael, he's a warrior angel, but even he agrees that these angels are wrong.

(If OB!Micheal shows up that's going to be a shit show and I've got popcorn)

[crowleysgirl56]

Ok, so I wanted to do a deeper dive into this particular passage of Good Omens:

For context, this is at the climax of the book, they’re at Tadfield airbase, the horsemen have been dispensed with, Aziraphale has his body back, and Satan is about to claw his way out of the pit.

In most of the proceeding chapters involving Crowley it talks a lot about how scared Crowley is. He is very scared of Hell.

One could perhaps say maybe he is scared of them due to The Arrangement, but that is never explicitly stated. I think it has more to do with Hell is bad, and Crowley has spent the majority of the book being yelled at by some entity through the radio or TV telling him how he’s going to be in super amounts of trouble when they get their hands on him. He is just scared of what will happen. When he comes across the book shop burning he doesn’t cry for his lost friend. He curses Aziraphale, and I think it’s because the one person who may have been able to keep him safe and protected from Hell is now gone.

So when he thinks to himself (as shown in the above screen shot) that there is now nothing left for him to lose, this is why I never thought (upon reading the book the first time that is) there were any romantic feelings between him and Aziraphale. I know that technically he had already lost Aziraphale. But by this point he was back again, and back in his body. If there truly were romantic thoughts between them surely the idea of losing him again would come up.

I have read so much fanfiction, some old, some new, and what they all have in common is the detailed inner monologue of Crowley’s turmoil over his feelings for Aziraphale and how he doesn’t feel like he can act on them. In the book we get nothing of the sort, from either character. Even when they’re separated there is hardly ever any description of them thinking of the other except occasionally to frame a short reference to something. Reading the book I never got the impression that there was anything more than two ethereal beings spending time and proximity to each other and doing work for each other for no other reason than they’re essentially a bit lazy.

I think they’re only queer coded for the fact that there’s the line about Aziraphale appearing “gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitric oxide”, and Crowley is, well, very Freddie Mercury coded. Them being seen as gay together and all the gay slurs in the awful racist scenes of Aziraphale body hopping about in culturally indigenous people after the bookshop fire has more to do with the very typical 80’s/90’s trope of “being gay = comedy gold”, than them actually being together romantically.

I think the reason why they were shipped so much after the publication however is for the same reason we ship so many male couples (or female couple) in modern media, why we’ve always shipped them: because of the complete and horrid lack there of, of proper queer representation.

If you’ve ever seen the magnificent Russel T Davies TV series It’s a Sin, there is a wonderful scene where the character Ash starts a job in a school library and the headmaster asks him to go through all the books and find any book that has queer love scenes so they can be removed. Ash then gives a most beautiful and impassioned speech (albeit it turns out the speech is just in his head) of how there is nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is nothing to the point where they are nonexistent. They are invisible. They are not seen. (Or like, something to that effect. I tell you though, it’s bloody brilliant).

So I think that’s rather the point really. You have two iconic characters, albeit supporting bit characters practically, and I think a lot of our minds automatically get drawn to wanting to put them together because of the sheer lack of queer couples. People have been doing it for years from Frodo and Sam, to Harry Potter and Draco (or Ron I guess), to Sherlock and Watson (even before the Benedict Cumberbatch show. Also as an aside let’s not get into how obsessed people got about Sherlock Holmes back in the day when those books were first published. The obsession was the reason Doyle killed the character off the in first place, then after getting letters from people telling him they were literally going to kill themselves, the reasons why he resurrected him again. Don’t tell us that modern day nerds are weird and obsessive. We’ve ALWAYS been like this).

It’s for this reason why queer representation is so god damn important. Why I still support the idea of Good Omens season 3. Because regardless of how the characters were originally intending to be represented in the book, it’s very clear now that they are so much more than “Just friends”. And we NEED that! Whether you subscribe to the idea that they will be physically intimate with each other, the fact remains is they love each other. They love each other immensely. And that comes from years of Terry Pratchett (and the other guy) accepting that canon and telling fans that it’s true. Because Michael Sheen made a choice and held a belief about how he saw his character and then David Tennant followed suit. That literally tens of thousands of fanfiction writers have decided the same.

So that’s my take. I don’t think loving each other was ever intended that way in the book, but in the last 35 years their story has morphed into the ineffable husbands that we now know.

What are your thoughts? Have I rambled on long enough to make any sense? Do you agree? Have I missed something completely obvious and gotten it all wrong? Keen to hear thoughts.

[incarnadin3]

Random conversation between MC and the Obey Me! Brothers that I thought of in the shower

A/N: I got this idea from a video of two fathers talking about one of their daughters having OnlyFans and they thought she genuinely was selling fans, and were talking about her adding other appliances to sell. Idk I was bored and I just remembered that.

MC *walks in Lucifer's office to find him setting up a table with stacks of random items next to it*: Hey Luce, watcha doin?

Lucifer *looks up at MC and smiles*: Hello MC, I'm just setting up for some stuff. Mammon went into debt again and I'm afraid I have to start selling.

MC: Selling what?

Lucifer: OnlyFans

MC *speechless*: W-what?

Lucifer: You heard me. Now could you please leave me alone so I can get ready?

MC: Uh...o-ok.

1 HOUR LATER IN ASMODEOUS'S ROOM

Satan: And then what?

MC: And then he said he was gonna sell OnlyFans!

Leviathan: Woah, this is just like that manga abou-

Asmodeous *cuts him off*: My my! I didn't know my older brother was into that kind of stuff! I should joi-!

MC: Asmo, NO.

Asmodeous *whines*: Whyyyyyyy?!

*Mammon walks in*

Mammon: Hey guys what are y'all talkin bout?

Satan: Lucifer

Mammon: Uh, what bout him?

Everyone except Mammon: He's selling OnlyFans

Mammon *eyes wide*: WHAT?! WHY?!

MC: Cuz he needs to pay off your debt.

Mammon: But why only fans? Why not add variety? I've got at least 50 air conditioners lying around somewhere. He should sell those too!

MC: Ok...1. Why do you have so many air conditioners and 2. That is not the type of OnlyFans we meant.

Mammon: What other-

*Lucifer walks in*

Lucifer: Hello guys. What are you guys doing?

Asmodeous: Ah! Here's the man!

Satan: Lucifer why are you selling OnlyFans?

Lucifer: Ah, that's what I came to talk about. Do you guys have spare things I can perhaps sell?

Mammon: Sure! I got a bunch of air conditioners lyin round. But why are you selling your stuff to pay my debt?

Lucifer: Bold of you to assume I'm selling my stuff.

*Mammon's eyes go wide as he runs to his room and shrieks*

Mammon: My stuff! ITS ALL GONE!!!!

Lucifer *looks out Asmodeous's window*: Would you look at that, all the buyers are here. Well I must go now.

MC: So that's why I saw those belts and collars

Lucifer: Oh no those are for the exact reason you thought they were. I'm not selling them. Goodbye!

Satan *once Lucifer leaves*: I did not know my brother had the ability to get laid.

[midnightsunnyday]

Whips, Cuffs, And Edible Thongs? (Part One) '*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

A/N: so does anyone (over the age of 21, obviously) browse adult toys with their friends? Is that just me? Well, yesterday my friends and I went to a toy shop for the hell of it and laughed at the improbably large and adorably small um, "items" they had on display, and in between our playful banter, for some reason I got the crazy thought to make a headcanon about it.

Warnings: obviously NSFW and MDNI. Mentions of various kinks, sex toys, and cursing. MC is in a polyamorous relationship with all the brothers btw. Definitely a crack headcanon.

*MCs overly dramatic monologue begins*

It was a risk, coming here alone, yet the reward would be worth the treacherous journey. I left the House of Lamentation under the cover of dusk, dawned in my best disguise. I stayed low, keeping shadows close. I snuck through alleys, crept down streets, jumping, paranoid. I could trust no one. Rely on no one. For this was a mission I must tread alone.

Finally, my destination was in view. The shop was not unlike the others surrounding it, except for the black and pink sign offering something a bit more...stimulating. I grabbed the handle, pushing slowly, only to be washed in a flood of pink neon and the scent of roses.

"Welcome to Cleo's Circle, hun. Tell me, what's your pleasure?"

MC: um, well you see, it's kind of my first time here. Not my first time in this kind of store, but for demons. Not that there's anything wrong with being a demon but I um...I'm just a bit embarrassed.

"Oh sweetie, you just hush those silly fears. Now, I'm not too keen on human culture, but this is the Devildom. Things like shame and sin are like a tick on a six-horned goat's ballsack."

MC: so...worthless then?

"You got it, sugar."

MC: ok, well in that case *looks around* I think I'd like to look at--

Asmodeus: --everything you've got in stock!

MC: fucking...Asmo? What the hell are you doing here? 

Asmodeus: *gasps dramatically* honestly, it's like you don't even know me! Are you really asking why I, Asmodeus, Avatar of Lust, would patronage a sex shop?

MC: hmm. Fair point.

*clicks her tongue* "Asmo."

Asmodeus: oh, well if it isn't my favorite little kitty Mynxie.

Mynxie: you know, I didn't realize that "I'll call you later" meant six months from now.

Asmodeus: oh Mynxie, you just have to understand. When one is as renownedly known and loved as me you can't possibly recall every single, little lover you've had, right? 

Mynxie: that right, huh? Well in that case, I also might fail to account for that little 80% discount at checkout and charge your ass full price.

Asmodeus: *gasps* you wouldn't?

Mynxie: oh, I would.

MC: maybe I should come back some other time. 

Mynxie: oh no, don't go! See what you've made me go and do? You're making my customers uncomfortable *clears throat* Forgive me for mixing business with pleasure. All are welcome and made to feel comfortable here in Cleo's Circle. As a sexual education succubus and proud business owner, it is my sworn duty to ensure it.

MC: wow. Those are...some words you just said. Well, then I suppose I'll look around.

Mynxie: if you need anything just ask.

MC: ok. And actually, it's probably best that you're here too, Asmo. I actually wasn't sure what to do.

Asmodeus: oh sweetie, of course! Why didn't you tell me you wanted to explore your kinkier side sooner? I would've gladly shown you every single thing you needed to know. Oh, but um...just so you know, this isn't one of my usual outings.

MC: what does that mean?

Asmodeus: so...promise you won't get mad, ok?

MC: why would I get--

Mammon: --sup.

MC: FUCK.

Mammon: oh no. Ain't none of that happening while I'm here.

Beelzebub: hey, MC. Oh. Is that candy?

Belphegor: Beel, no.

Satan: so this is why you were ducking behind every dumpster in the Devildom. For a moment I thought you were mimicking a frightened raccoon.

Leviathan: *in a very convincing announcer voice* By day they're an average RAD student just trying to survive, but by night they're a crime-fighting, bondage-wearing vigilante saving the day with whips...and love.

Mammon: this ain't one of the plots to one of your low-budget hentai movies, Levi!

Leviathan: oh? And how do you know what hentai is, hmm?

Belphegor: looks like he got you there, Mammon.

Mammon: s-shut up!

MC: please don't have Lucifer. Please don't have Lucifer. Please don't have Lucifer.

Satan: be careful. I heard that if you chant his name five times he'll appear and lecture you to death.

Mammon: but nah, that buzz kill ain't here. Went to some fancy upper-echelon party with Lord Diavolo.

MC: thank Diavolo.

Satan: indeed.

MC: so then why are you all here?

Mammon: invite only. We may be avatars, but Lucifer is the avatar. Pff, whatever. I'm way cooler than him anyway.

Belphegor: plus, we saw you sneaking around and thought hey, that looks like a fun way to spend one's Saturday. Let's follow them.

Satan: but we didn't expect you to end up...here. Even so, why hide such a thing from us?

MC: because it's embarrassing! Why would I want you all with me buying sex toys?

Mammon: cause we're fun?

Belphegor: because it's hilarious?

Asmodeus: because we can help you find a good one?

Leviathan: that and it's not really that embarrassing.

MC: huh?

Asmodeus: we're demons sweetie, not prudes. We wouldn't judge you for this.

Beelzebub: what if we all brought something? That way, no one feels embarrassed.

Mammon: um, Beel. You realize what you're asking, right?

Mynxie: well, this is all good and heart-warmin' but are y'all gonna buy something? You're crowding up my store and frankly scaring the poor dear.

MC: thank you, um, Mynxie?

Mynx: it's just Mynx. Mynxie if you're naughty.

MC: ok, so then Mynx, I appreciate your consideration, but...I'm ok with them here. 

Mynx: are you sure, hun? Cause I can kick them out if you need your privacy. Avatars or not, I know my way around a metal pipe.

MC: I'm sure. They can stay.

Asmodeus: yay!

Mynx: ok then. Let me know if you need any help. As for you all *pulls out a pipe and slams it on the counter* no funny business.

Everyone: yes ma'am.

Mynx: that's madam. Now, y'all be good, ok?

[tyrantisterror]

The Fuck's Up With Mammon?

Ok, so, in the grand history of Christian folklore, there are dozens of different ways that the society of Hell and its various demons can be structured. One of the most popular is The Seven Princes of Hell, which divides Hell between seven ruling demons, each of which represents the seven deadly sins (and is opposed by saints who represent the seven heavenly virtues). It's fun because it's got a solid theological theme and not too many working parts - seven is a more digestible number than nine or, like, however the fuck your sort out all the demons in the Lesser Key of Solomon, each of which has some arbitrary number of legions of demon soldiers under their command, and the deadly sins theme gives you a clear way to make each prince's domain stand out.

(Obviously I'm a bit biased here, since I used a modified version of the Seven Princes of Hell for my own story about demons, but still, I think the point stands.)

Now, who the seven princes of Hell are can differ. Binsfield, the guy who coined the name, lists them as follows:

Lucifer, Prince of Pride

Mammon, Prince of Greed

Asmodeus, Prince of Lust

Leviathan, Prince of Envy

Beelzebub, Prince of Gluttony

Satan, Prince of Wrath

Belphegor, Prince of Sloth

However, there are earlier versions of the seven princes that rearrange things. Beelzebub has been given the sin of Envy at times, Belphegor has been given gluttony, and both Belial and Abaddon/Apollyon have taken the role of prince of Sloth. With me so far?

Right, ok, so here's the thing: ALL of these demons have shit going on in folklore outside of their role as potential princes of Hell. Well, all except one. To wit:

Lucifer, despite being a translation error, quickly became the front-runner in the grand race of "Who is THE Devil in the Bible, i.e. the leader of Hell itself?" It helps that said translation error was made by King James in his version of the Bible, which, while a terrible translation, is an amazing piece of poetry in its own right and beloved by many Christians because of it. Notably, Lucifer is The Devil of Paradise Lost, which is up there with Dante's The Divine Comedy in being one of the most important and influential depictions of Hell of all time.

Beelzebub is one of the oldest demons in all of demonology, predating Christianity itself, and is pretty close to Lucifer in the race for "Who is THE Devil," with arguably a better claim to the position despite Lucifer being the more popular candidate for the role.

Satan gets kudos for being one of the few devils that's ACTUALLY named in the Bible... even if it's less a name in context and more a title akin to "prosecuting attorney." Because of that, he's arguably got the greatest claim to being The Devil, and in most works where a different devil gets the title, Satan is treated as one of his alternate titles anyway.

Asmodeus was set up in folklore to be The Devil, and has a pretty strong claim to the title because of that. He's also clearly what Dante based his description of the devil's physical appearance on, with his three different colored heads and all, and that gives him some major props.

Leviathan is also a rare demon who gets mentioned in the Bible, although in the Bible it's pretty clear he's not a demon but rather a big sea monster, and a lot of Christian folklore treats him as such instead of as a demon. So that's a pretty big "other thing going on" for him - sometimes he's not even a demon, but more of a godzilla.

Belphegor was mentioned in a good number of texts predating the concept of arranging demons by the seven deadly sins, and while he was mostly a minor demon (akin to most of the other residents of the Lesser Key of Solomon, like Shax or Marchosias or what have you), that's still something. Becoming a Prince of Hell gave him a greater claim to fame, but still, he had a career before it.

Abaddon/Apollyon is one of those demons whose name is ALSO a synonym for Hell itself, which is a pretty big deal. He can be a demon, or he can be hell, or he can be BOTH, like in the takes where Hell has a literal mouth to swallow sinners and is portrayed as kind of a living monster in its own right. He also got to be The Devil in Pilgrim's Progress, and that's pretty cool.

Belial is one of the absolute earliest demons, having been cast as The Devil in the Book of Enoch, which is kind of the O.G. Abrahamic demon story (as much as any written story could be the source of it, anyway). Thus, while Belial may not have the most popular claim to being The Devil, he arguably has the best claim to it, or at least the earliest. Also, Belial is just as often depicted as a lady demon as he is a male demon, which means Belial is the best candidate for a Princess of Hell.

But that leaves... Mammon. And as far as I can tell in all my research, Mammon's claim to fame is and has always been being the Demon of Greed. Like Lucifer, his existence is owed to a translation of the Bible personifying something that was not originally a person - "mammon" was just supposed to mean money and other material wealth, but then it became, well, Mammon, the demonic personification of Greed.

He's the demon who was made for his sin, rather than being given it after his creation. The only demon whose existence purely hinges on needing a personification of a sin, the only one who has no other shit going on. Lucifer, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, they all have rich histories as demons in folklore, but Mammon? He's just greed.

And that's weird to me. Were there no other, more popular demons who could embody the concept? How does Mammon feel having nothing else to him beyond his sin? It's kinda weird, right?

I've got no greater point to this, I just thought it'd be fun to share.

[skyeslittlecorner]

not sure if this was posted before. can we get the classic scenario of some brave (read:unfortunate) soul trying to flirt with the mc and how will the kings (+sitri and belial if it's okay) react to it? thank you :3

Ahh, that's one of my fav kind of headcanons! And! Sitri!!! Belial!!! I love kings, but I'm a noble's girlie~ Let's make them jealous. See them doing their best, it's not enough to be hot to win our hearts... ok maybe it is BUT, it doesn't change anything!

Assume that some cutie like our Dong-gyun is flirting with us. Nobody dangerous or slick. This way they will only be jealous, not mad, and we will see how they want to prove themselves.

꧁:･ ✡ ･:꧂

Satan will be ready to fight at first, but when he sees that you are having fun and no one is trying to hurt you, he will let go. Of course, he will be jealous. You are his. He will make sure to remind you, and do everything to impress you and win your attention back. Over time, he will get to know you better and learn what you like best. If his strength turns you on and you want to see him fight for you, he will. If you'd rather see a room strewn with roses when you return to the palace, then be it. If a devil flirts with you too intensely (in his opinion, always), he will come and grab your waist. We know he has guts, and anyone who allows himself too much deserves a kick. Unfortunately, he can't kick them because it's like a reward, and he doesn't want any more devils hanging around you.

Mammon won't care too much if you're flirting with someone. Everything his master does is perfect. If this is your wish, he will choose the best lovers in the country who will fulfill your desires. He will make every dream come true. You own him, not he you, and he waits patiently until one day you want to be his. You are free and can do whatever you want. As long as no one tries to get their hands on you against your will, Mammon is going to watch with amusement those poor attempts. After all, that funny little devil who thinks he has a chance with you is his too.

Beelzebub has a whole story dedicated to the cute guy who flirts with us. On the outside, he looks as chilled as ever, but there's an underlying menace lingering in the air. “Don't cross the line, or you'll be devoured.” You have to have some restraint, if you don't want this poor devil to end badly. Actually, no one knows what Beel is capable of, because the surrounding rumors say that he deprived one devil of the hand he used to hug you, and sewed another's mouth shut for daring to kiss you. But you know how exaggerated the rumors surrounding him are. He himself always behaved impeccably (as much as you say it about him) around you, and the fact that he clearly showed that you belonged to him... it only makes you wet, admit it.

Leviathan, oh well. If anyone *dared* to flirt with you near him, they would not only hang, but fly out the window and land on a wall. The only people he would not hang, because he cannot, are those who are equal in status to him, i.e. other kings. If he saw you flirting with one of them... remember how in ch4 Satan's wrath was so tremendous that it began to choke his subjects? This is exactly what would happen with Levi's jealousy. Except not only the devils who stand close will suffer, but half of Hades. Since he can't hang other kings, he could hang you... but with each king the scenario would be different, so it's hard to say in general. Either way, prepare for chaos.

Belial is very composed. He'll let you do whatever you want, after all, you're not married to him or anything. He just respects you and your freedom. You'd even think he didn't care when Jiyu stepped in. Without Belial's consent, of course. You only managed to hear “Know your place, your fucking maggot-!” before the noble catch him and silence him, blushing furiously. You see how he squeezed poor little thing so much that their eyes popped out of their sockets. You can't help but giggle, because it looks like someone is jealous after all.

Sitri will be both jealous and sarcastic. Very openly. He doesn't even try to hide it, the poor devil will be scolded and sent to help clean up the rubble or in the medical tent. War is neither the place nor the time for flirting! Especially if he's trying to flirt with you. Why did you even want to waste your time on him? You have so many nobles to choose from, aren't they good enough? Isn't he good enough? He needs to try even harder... And his spiral of overthinking continues until you dispel his doubts with a kiss.

[evereverest2]

I noticed art requests 👀. Might I request some Alpha and secondo being angry and so gay for each other <3

hello crow i love having you here

i have for you ART and my alpha x secondo headcanons under the cut

OK I GOT A LITTLE CRAZY WITH THE LORE BUT I REALLY LIKE THEM

so i had a lot of thoughts about them while i was drawing

alpha acts machismo, angry, burning hot like his flames. he gives off this stereotypical bad boy exterior, even when everyone knows how affected by his own emotions he is. he’s not just a hot head— he’s really sensitive and it embarrasses him. he cares a lot about many things but he hates when people know it.

secondo is just a hard ass consumed by the marrow of tradition. rooted in old beliefs and ancient rules. he’s full of himself and nearly delirious with power, enforcing his law like a corrupted judge. but that also makes him the biggest hypocrite, because he’s also above his own rules. fucking around with ghouls is no exception to his hypocrisy.

secondo hates ghouls. they’re lesser than humans. satan’s slaves are now his slaves. he cares to keep his ghouls at the top of their game, but not as humans. they’re more like pets, liek prized pigs he feeds well to make sure they impress.

alpha is his favorite pig. and alpha loves it.

alpha always fought back the most with him. refusing to back down, always slinging insults to his face. secondo worried his rebellion would inspire it in the other ghouls, and he thought for a long time how to make alpha back down. he studied his enemy, and realized there was only one way alpha turned placid.

sex.

alpha loved to fight back until he was getting dominated and destroyed, usually by omega. secondo noticed this and eventually tried it for himself. alpha folded instantly. no one had the power or ruthlessness to make him so submissive so quickly. with the other ghouls, it was pretend. with secondo, it was terrifying, and that exhilarated alpha.

alpha became more rowdy, but not with the ferocity he used to. he often saved it for when the two were alone. he was placated, and secondo again had his pets in line.

but it’s a horrible, awful relationship. secondo could not care less about the ghoul, he really only does it to keep him under his thumb. alpha will do him favors too, even get rid of certain rivals that go against him. secondo hardly touches alpha except to hurt him. he rarely lets alpha touch him sexually, no matter how much he begs. at first it’s foreplay, but then it begins to affect alpha. his tendency to suffer from big feelings bites him in the ass. he talks to omega about it, cries to him like a 19 year old in her first situationship, but he never stops crawling back to secondo. because sometimes there’s a glimpse, a look, a touch that alpha deludes himself into believing there’s more to it. ghouls and humans can’t be together, that’s why he acts this way. if things were different, they would be in a relationship.

well, that’s what alpha tells himself everytime hes trying to sleep, trying not to set his room on fire again

[zziridian]

When it comes to you they can't help but be utterly smitten from your smile to the way your hair frames your face they love you.

NOW expressing their love is a completely different story

Love languages (brothers additions)

Lucifer knows how he comes off to most he cold and unfeeling the demon lords merciless right hand man but with you he's simply Lucifer an overprotective brother who shows love through acts of service for the most part But when it comes to you words of affirmation are his go to but he wouldn't be the avatar of pride if he didn't claim you.

"My beautiful MC, you are simply exquisite"

Mammon, for as often as people call him selfish, it's simply not true or well not as true as they make it out to be. But when it comes to you, he loves to shower you in gifts. He thinks he slick, but he's not and he definitely doesn't have a mental list of all of his family and friends likes and dislike and you definitely not on the top of that list what do you take him for a simp? He is we all know it

"Hey Mc, I saw you look'n at this the other day and well I had a little extra on me so I got it for you" he pick up a few extra modeling gigs to get it

When it comes to leviathan, most people tend to assume that he simply doesn't participate in such silly normie activities. They'd all be wrong for he likes to give you gifts, and like to talk to you, But above all else he simply like to be with you it's doesn't really matter what you guys are doing he just likes to be with you.

"Hey MC, a new season of that show you love just dropped! WE HAVE TO BINGE IT"

Love is a difficult emotion for Satan, being born from wrath he never found it necessary to love not in the way others did, he did love his family and that was it for a very very long time, he was OK with that, or he thought he was then you came along. His world was flipped upside-down and truth be told he didn't want it to go back. He wants to hold on to you and be by your side. For Satan he found that cats show their love by head butting he tried that a few times but found he prefers to kiss you much more.

Together, you sat in his arms as he reads to you as the language of demons is not the easiest to read when one is not accustomed to it luckily for you Satan will read it to you with him you never have to feel out of the loop.

Asmodeus has never been afraid to love unlike his brothers he welcomes love with open arms. And why shouldn't he? People are always throwing themselves at him it be rude not to acknowledge them at least. But everything they said was enthusiastically empty platitudes. They like how he looked. Asmo knows he's hot and is proud of it. Then a human came along who was unaffected by his Beauty. He won't lie at first he was very insulted by this but the to of you talked and talked he found himself absolutely entranced by you. He thought he had to be more beautiful for you to truly fall but when you told him that you couldn't care less about how he looked that he was sweet and kind. He thought you were full of shit but you said it over and over again how he was more than his looks. He soon found himself believing your words. He was happy you took the time to know him when nobody else cared enough too.

Beel is a sweetheart. Ask anyone who knows him, and they'll agree, though they tend to undermine this fact about him. Unlike his brothers he's never been afraid to show that he loves someone with belphie he'll carry him whenever he needs to with asmo he'll carry his brother copious amount of bags from shopping with lilith he'd listen to her, it didn't matter what she wanted to talk about he'd listen when it came to you it's much the same as anyone else he cares for he'll carry this or grab this off of a high shelf. He liked to see your smile when he did anything . He tends to look out for the well-being of those he loves you are not an exception did you eat? Have you had enough water? He's a caretaker at hearts

Love used too come easily to belphie, he loved to nap, he loved his family he even loved humanity. Life soon taught him that love can hurt, love wasn't fun anymore it just hurt, he told himself that he wasn't going to love again or well anyone new or anything it'll just hurt won't it. He loves his brothers they wouldn't hurt him. For belphie love and trust go hand in hand if he trust someone he loves them and well if you trust him that must mean you love him right? He took advantage of that trust and deeply regretted it yet you still tried to talk with him, you helped him talk things out with his brothers. He would be lying if he said he didn't love you. But why would you love him. He broke your trust he doesn't deserve your love right. Wrong you told him that sure you were very pissed and yes he broke the trust you put into him. Yet you still told him that you cared you held him as he cried he loved you it was something he couldn't deny.

Lucifer- words of affirmation, acts of service

Mammon- gift giving,quality time

Levi- quality time all the way

Satan- physical touch,quality time and acts of service

Asmo - physical touch, words of affirmation

Beel- acts of service, quality time

Belphie- quality time physical touch