#well new chapter up I guess
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There'll likely be a chapter tomorrow and you have @wonderlandmind4 to thank for that, both for beta-ing for me and for smacking my really really bad imposter syndrome voice over the head with a rolled-up newspaper until it was not so loud, because damn, have I been deep in it and worried about finally posting again.
#the red thread#i literally do not have words for how deep in an imposter-syndrome anxiety hole i've been for the past few months#i have been convinced everything i wrote since covid was stupid or bad and i'd get nothing but 'pasta what happened this is shit' comments#because all i was told before posting trt for the first time was. well. that it was a shit idea and everyone would hate it#and i guess struggling with the words/brain fog put me back there#i could see *nothing* but bad every time i went over the new chapter(s)#i think sometimes you need a good friend to hit that voice over the head and then take the good parts and hold them up in front of you
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Next time we should just skip over ep 3 and do a chapters 84-87 reread
#Mmmmmmhhhh.#Well. If anything you can always tell when there's a ss/kk episode by the fact that it takes me two hours to watch it lol#What can I say. I'm a compulsive screencap taker#Mmmmmmhhh... I was right it wasn't as bad as I remembered it. Still moderately bad but not all bad.#It's just. I can feel the animators did their best.#I suppose it's just a difficult episode to animate within a short time frame since it's a specifically action packed one.#And the lack of time really shows. Like there *are* some detailed animated passages here and there. But then there's also these long static#shots that stretch on forever that are just... Idk. A little saddening to see I guess? Like the animators really ran out of time for them#There's also a big component of... I just can't vibe with the newfound artstyle. Like it looks soooo much worse than s1 in my opinion#Which you know‚ is only subjective! But eh... The distance between s2ep11 and this feels abyssal.#Everyone looks so ugly oftentimes. Like even in curated shots‚ they're just very rough and ungraceful.#Which like?? How could you look at Harukawa's art and come up with //that//??????? But it's whatever#And the pacing is so so off 😭😭😭 God please to death with 11 episodes long seasons give us filler episodes back. Please!!!!#The pacing is atrocious and it has not even to do with the animation. Even greatly animated episodes suffer from it.#Mmmmhh... I don't particularly like Fukuchi's vacting... He doesn't sound tired enough. Nor as pitiful as much as he should tbh#Among the three I feel like only Uemura really nails the job. I'm so sorry Onoken but I feel like even Akutagawa needs to sound vulnerable–#once in a while‚ you know? Although‚ if he's only going with how Bones depicts him‚ then I get why he would act him out like that 😭😭😭#There were so many reused shots too... The ones from the end of s2ep11... The s3ep12 kokko zessou one... Ss/kk running in the corridors...#Overall. Not as bad as I remembered it. But at the same time I get why I was so distraught because they really wasted the best four–#chapters of the manga just like that.#The “is his life that precious to you” moment was terrible 😭😭😭 Head in hands fr#Oh well. I babble a lot but it was okay. Like at least it wasn't season 3 kind of bad. And definitely wasn't t/pn s2 kind of bad LOL#I just hope ss/kk will be made justice in the future (╥﹏╥)#Especially since their new scenes (current manga events) are possibly going to be adapted in the first episodes of the new season.#If Bones pulls another s5ep3 on them you're going to see me on the news#Then again I have hope the arc finale will be adapted in a movie... Who knows...#Most of all I hope they change art style direction again D:#random rambles#Whaaaa it's so late already!!!#Edit: Oh also to not forget I've made like. One hundred posts. Maybe it's time to unfollow me now if you haven't already D:
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literally the best part of this whole stupid book iwlove weird obsessed horndogs thee villain archetype of all time. he’s so silly. “we could’ve had a life together”, he says to his lesbian ex-neighbour who he’s just shot with a crossbow bolt meanwhile her girlfriend who he’s also just shot is half dead across the room. god i love it here he said me and the bad bitch im going to fumble
#WHAT A FUCKING FREAK IJBOL!!!!!!#MORE PSYCHOSEXUALLY OBSESSED WEIRDO VILLAINS PIXELBERRY I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN U.#their villains are usually so cringe and one note at least this one is memorable#mind you this could have used more buildup. up until like chapter 19 he still had the benefit of the doubt#his ass was NOT beating the twist villain allegations but the fucking freak allegations were a whole separate beast#and he could be presumed innocent in those. like sure i guess these are just average fanatic werewolf hunter antics.#like EYE had my suspicions. him sending that frat bro to sexually harass mc was a fucking freak move#but like in general he was coming off as someone who was just a normal amount of concerned about a friend of theirs falling in w a cult#like girl why am i following my cringe fwb into the pool house to be all ‘babe this isnt u :(’#i dont CARE i wanna go engage with the twist antagonist who at this point my mc still thinks is kind of normal/their friend!!!#but alas that’s just pb for you. we WILL NOT stick a landing ever. they make all the new writers swear to never write a villain that makes#sense or is well foreshadowed. ONLY side characters who you would never suspect bc they have like 5 lines in the whole book.#like you’ll never be duffy veilofsecrets you’ll never recapture that magic.#anyway. markus choicesalpha the fucking weirdo cringefail stalker incel loser you could have been…kermit looking out rainy window dot png#maeve speaks#playchoices#choices#pixelberry#choices alpha#channing lowe#markus barnes#side note this whole thing probably has a Much different vibe with a male mc#but as it is it’s like ijbol. channing is cringe and emotionally unavailable but how could you POSSIBLY compare to a buff werewolf bitch#he is so completely not a contender that its comedic to me. you think WE could have had a LIFE TOGETHER?#even if my mc had never ever met channing SHE IS A LESBIAN!!!! SHES GAY DUDE STOP IT LOL#and with a female mc and male channing its like yeah whatever average incel number 10 billion. wow youre going to kill me bc some other guy#is hotter than you? eyeroll. at least channing canonically gives great head.
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ok whatever dalinar and navani trapped in the spiritual realm scary bodes poorly awful I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. i want to think about radiant implying that sadeas ALSO murdered his way up a couple dahns WHILE BEING 15. and im guessing this was a joint effort with ialai? again, when they were Fifteen Years Old. like holy shit
#luke.txt#this is genuinely so shocking to me i straight up assumed he grew up son of a highprince#well it sure is a lot easier for him to be stealth then#if he hadnt been an Extremely Public Figure since birth#god this is making me rewrite Everything about my pre flashbacks sadeas timeline#cuz ive ALWAYS just kinda gone oh yeah sadeas met ialai after he met dalinar#and thats why she never really came up until ob 19#but i guess she wasnt important to dalinars journey or something#putting on shipping goggles: i wonder if ialai being More Than Okay with sadeas doing gay shit with dalinar#influenced sadeas to go okay it isnt the end of the world if dalinar gets married i just need to do it for him so it can be strategic#i wonder if there was a stupid love triangle going on in sadeas's head throughout his adolescence#kowt spoilers#wind and truth spoilers#SORRY i got so wrapped up in the euphoria of New Sadeas Lore that for a second i lived in a world where i didnt start out this post#with a major spoiler from this weeks preview chapters
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Rio day!!!
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#rio mason busujima#dice arisugawa#riodice#feels like forever since i drew anything even though it's only been almost 2 months... man#actually was gonna give up on this at first because my focus was shot due to shitty life events but somehow i finished it. waow#i love rice i miss them sm... they would never ever do this but i still wish ARB gave Dice some birthday lines on Rio's bday#actually it would be nice if hypmic did literally anything with their relationship. cmon the last good thing was the MTCvFP stage#and the 2nd DRB manga chapters i guess but that's just them fighting. i want new material of them being besties :(#oh and we did get some crumbs in hypani S2 as well. but main canon really dgaf about them anymore#anyway . HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIOOO <3 <3 <3#(it's already Hifumi day in Japan but. it's the 21st where i live so let's pretend i'm not horribly late)#7-7-cherry drawingz
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TOMORROW!!! or maybe today to some of you around the world IT'S BAKUGO KATSUKI'S BIRTHDAY Y'ALL!!!!
#bakugou katsuki#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou#gemg dynamight#dynamight#great explosion murder god dynamight#lord explosion murder god dynamight#bnha manga#bnha 419#OUR BOY IS ALIVE AND GROWING UP!!!#BAKUBABE#I find kinda sad that there's no new chapter this week#but considering there's no way katsuki would be part of this new chapter... I guess is for the best#thank you hori#rest well this week
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Really torn between "this story is really important to me and I want people to read it" and "isn't one of the reasons I decided to never enter the professional publishing world because marketing myself stresses me the fuck out? and also I'm extremely bad at it??"
Things to consider as I contemplate making a post and blazing it on tumblr.
#I'm considering making a post and using the money I got from patreon last month to blaze it at a low level#an easy come easy go attitude towards the money#it's not the most effective way of marketing but it's the baby step version lmao#the putting a sign up on the telephone pole next to your house form of marketing#I guess we'll see if that actually gets me any new readers#then go from there#man I have known some VERY charismatic writers who wrote like two mediocre books and managed to segue that into an entire career#and then other writers who are fantastic and always put in the work but struggle to get any attention on their books#I think so much of it is personality#the one person I'm thinking of had a real cult of personality (emphasis on the cult) and that led to problems down the road#but boy did they market themselves well in the meantime lmao#anyway I have the personality of a hermit crab so it is not the part I'm good at haha#I just wanna leave my manuscripts on people's kitchen table like elves or something#but alas#anyway I might try the blaze idea after I put up this week's chapter#I feel like by chapter six people will know if they like what I'm doing or not
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you wait twelve tormenting years for something and then it's over in a moment.
#landslide.mp3#closure feels like a release and i guess i've never fully felt that before#in it's sadness it's quite beautiful really#and a lighter grief than all that i had carried up until that point#though there is still inevitably some grief shedding those layers of heavier grief is a freedom I'm grateful for#days and moments you thought may never arrive become poignant turning points moving forward#it's both a terrifying and wonderful feeling to look at the uncertain future without being dragged down and drowning in the past any longer#seeing the new growing hope of being able to rebuild and recreate and carve out something fresh#that maybe there's still chance for your life to change no matter how much you've lost to grief and illness and suffering#it's not just an ending to a chapter in my life but an entire volume with multiple losses culminating to a single moment of liberation#and ultimately of peace or as much as you can get in this life#well i suppose this is a small prayer to a new life that may treat me kinder than i have previously been#and that i may feel human again#and if not then i will still remember this moment for what it is and for finally making sense of that which had haunted me for so long#and maybe one day i'll understand why it had to be such a long journey#it will be like telling a story that i can no longer comprehend had happened to me as the distance grows alongside me only this time kindly#;
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less than a week until I move in with my squish and get to see them again aaaaaaaa
I have never felt such an intense mix of excitement and fear and longing,, send help
#like on the one hand#I get to see them again!!!!!! after three long long months I'll finally be able to feel their arms around me again#and breathe in their presence and see their beautiful smile right in front of me that isn't over 3 pixels of video call#and I'll see them EVERY DAY and we can talk or just sit together whenever we want!!!#and we can host parties!!! and build ikea furniture together!!! and laugh as we try to bake and probably miserably fail!!!!#but on the other hand#GODS am I terrified#what if I fuck it up???#what if I've romanticised this so much in my head and it'll really be nothing like that#what if they get tired of me and living together just makes us drift#what if it brings awkwardness into our friend group#what if my feelings get in the way#there's so much that can go wrong and so much at stake#and I can't bear the thought of losing them#I want this to work so so badly#I guess I'll find out soon#it's crazy though#three months seemed like such an unbearably long time#and now suddenly its almost over#I'm terrified of what comes next but I also want it so badly it hurts#well#come what may#I love them and I don't think that's going to change#here's to this new chapter#queerplatonic yearning hours#cosmo rambles#personal ramble#queerplatonic#aroace#aromantic
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on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day
#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :///#and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones#should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess#my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it#like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it#but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh.#i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update#but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know#if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend#but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks#and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me#i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao#delete later maybe#just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com
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not me accidentally posting a chapter when i meant to preview it...
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Do you ever have that situation where you just got into a series, and you want to speculate about it and/or analyze the characters, but also that means putting your thoughts out there to people who have been big fans of the series for years, and you just got here like a couple weeks ago at best? And so like, you don’t want to because you feel like some random dude who just showed up and inserted themselves into someone else’s conversation, and you have no right to talk about it with them? And so you don’t?
That’s me every time I get into a new fandom. And currently that’s Berserk for me
#I mean granted that hasn’t stopped me making posts about Berserk#honestly I feel like I don’t shut up about it#or that I just keep bringing it up and it annoys the people who were here for other stuff#and it’s not like I have many thoughts about it right this moment#but I feel like some guy who just showed up and started talking#though maybe some of it is that I don’t understand how the fan base works on here#I just go to tumblr for every fandom since it’s all I have I don’t know what fanbases are mainly where#I feel like the fandom is generally more quiet? Like there’s not as much discussion#though that could also be because there isn’t a new chapter right now and that’s when the fandom shows up#I dunno I’m rambling too much#but this happened to me for Layton and Cookie Run as well#at least in my head#anyways#berserk#random stuff#questions#I guess?
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Csm thoughts,,
#Putting these in tags cuz they're rather negative and like this people can ignore this if it shows up on search#anyways today i was showering and had a realization that like#if csm part 2 didn't exist and the manga had ended in chapter 97 i really wouldn't mind that. like at all#because so far there hasn't been anything in part 2 that stuck to me in such a way that i would be upset or miss it if it didn't exist#be it arcs world building (not big on religious allegories. that prophecy stuff really doesn't intrest me at all) or characters#in fact if it did end on the publig safety saga i probably would have liked it better#because then it would have ended and that's it. because part 2 exists i can see the story move foward#with the absence of almost everyone from part 1 and i just. miss them#so reading part 2 in general makes me inherently a little sad#and i feel like that's what blocks me from enjoying it or even growing to care for the new characters from part 2#because i don't care for any of them that much. not even asa and yoru#and this isn't me being mad at the story for killing people off. i think all deaths in part 1 happened exactly where they needed to#and the story is beautifully crafted. i just genuinely miss them#and see denji staggering about looking so tired all the time barely looking like the same guy from part one due to everything that happened#that also makes me fell just. like this pain in my chest that i can't even explain well#i don't dislike part 2 i don't think it's bad#it's just not for me and i don't think that will change anytime soon#tho i will still look up the new chapters because i wanna see what happens. tho if there ever is a part 3 i doubt i will bother reading it#hyena ramblings#rant? i guess?
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first chapter (of 2) of my explicit ultrakill fic is up! it's a "what if v2 lived and worked together with gabriel... in more ways than one" sort of thing; gabriel/v2 with hints of gabriel/v1 and v1/v2. be warned this is very much explicit sexual content, and heed the tags!
special thanks to @not-hatred-but-passion for providing the concept and inspiration for some of the scenes!
#very much have no idea what I'm doing here but ah well here you go#I was compelled to create this and now I have posted it#second chapter will go up later once I finish editing that#actually I think I'll wait a bit between chapters to increase readership but not too long bc I am impatient#editing in general here is pretty minimal forgive me#anyway enjoy I guess?#who knew my first fic here would be v2/gabriel#no idea if anyone will even see this given how content gets filtered here but ah well#my writing#made a new pseud for this since it's so far off from my one other fic on this account lmao
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hi I just had my first beer after getting off my meds and I feel like crap
#I was in such a good mood when I woke up this morning#but then I took a nap and woke up feeling funny#idk. depression just catched up to me I guess#currently feeling the combo of loneliness + not feeling like I'm really ready for this new chapter of my life#impostor syndrome as well#idk. I feel shitty.#I picked up some mac n cheese and a beer and also a little desert on my way home from my run#thinking it'd make me feel better#but it didn't. if anything I just feel worse#dessert sucked btw#rambles*
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a fic i've been following for two entire years was finally completed omg
#not gonna link it or list the title or anything bc it's like more Extreme than what i normally read and is like. not emotionally healthy lol#(which is part of the fun of course)#every time a new chapter posted it was equal parts excitement and anxiety for me lmao#im kinda glad it's over bc PHEW BOY it was A Lot to take in. but so well-written and the kink so wonderfully executed#like genuinely a master class in fucked up situation and i honestly learned a lot from it over the years re: pacing/buildup with kink shit#tbh it's hard to imagine keeping up with writing something slowly over years bc i feel like im a different person than i was when i started#reading??? and like im DEF a different write than i was 2y ago#...actually i started writing less than 2y ago LOL so i guess that tracks#anyway to write something consistently well over that period of time is honestly incredible to me i hope i can reach that kind of#consistent quality someday
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