#well nepotism shit partially

[dashiellqvverty]

i’m aware i’m getting into conspiracy theory territory here but the fact that the NYT regularly publishes transphobic opinion pieces but then also published p*yton b**chdeath’s louisa may alcott piece as like the ONLY pro-trans content or trans perspective i can remember feels like.......... deliberate. like considering the transphobic response it provoked, and the fact that it genuinely is a pretty dumb piece, there is a part of me that is truly convinced that somebody wanted to make trans people look bad on purpose

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #52 – The Mercy of Gods by James S. A. Corey

Introduction

I have never technically read any of Corey’s work before, but I really loved all the seasons of the Expanse I’ve seen. So, as it would be months and months before I could actually get a copy from the library, this is the rare book I actually bought off the strength of the blurb. Even rarer, this actually worked out! This is genuinely quite good, meaty, even fairly original space opera!

On the world of Anjiin, a human civilization has developed from the ruins of some prehistoric colonization mission that ended in atomic fire, their origins a matter of theology and myth. Through blatant nepotism (his aunt is a very important administrator whose made his career her way of honoring her dead sister), Dafyd Alkhor is a research assistant on the most prestigious and celebrated lab/project on the planet – a successful attempt to bridge the gap between the native plant life of the planet and the earth-descended life humanity brought with it. But even as everyone’s enjoying their moment in the limelight, the project is in danger of being split up, the credit and prestige a juicy enough prize for the academic politics to get vicious. And then there’s Dafyd’s rather poorly hidden crush on Else, a much more senior scientist and also the Team Lead’s girlfriend. Everything begins to come to a head, and then-

Well, and then aliens invade. The Carryx and their servitor-species more-or-less effortlessly destroy every human attempt to resist, and then execute one eighth of the population where they stand. Like some massive, chitinous, latter-day Assyrian Empire, they then sort through and abduct a few hundreds or thousands of humanity’s administrative and intellectual elites. Hostages to bring to one of their world-palaces to live at their pleasure and prove their worth as subjects until a place in imperial society can be decided for them – with ‘mass grave’ being an entirely plausibly option if they fail to please. Dafyd, honestly a pretty shit scientist but a natural courtier and schemer, then finds himself desperately trying to understand the Carryx actually want from humanity, and why they refuse to communicate any of it.

Complicity and Collaboration

So this is overwhelmingly a novel about how to react to subjugation – of different emotional and trauma responses to seeing your loved ones killed to make a point, to seeing everything you know destroyed in the space of an afternoon, to being forced into an overcrowded ship and sent to a terrifying new world where your life is valued exactly in proportion to your captors' whims. As the novel reaches its climax, it becomes increasingly about the morality of fawning, servile collaboration and nobly suicidal resistance – of whether it’s better to live kneeling or die standing, essentially.

This is one of very few books I can ever remember reading that make a big dramatic point of that question, and then come down on the side of ‘live kneeling, bide your time until you’ve earned their trust and know enough to stab the knife somewhere vital’. Partially just because every other genre story in the world does stack the deck towards resistance (making victory an almost foregone conclusion if people just have the courage to fight) and this does in the opposite direction (‘resistance’ would be at best a few spectacular terrorist attacks before they’re all hunted down and executed, the first thing the rest of humanity would know of their noble fight is when the retaliatory genocide starts), but still.

I found the start of chapter epigraphs a greater flaw, honestly – they’re quotations from an imprisoned Carryx after some future fall of the empire, who lays the blame squarely on humanity. I’m sure this is building up to some lovely dramatic irony in future books (and is a fun window to Carryx state ideology), but the constant reassurance that the plan works and isn’t just a rationalization for surrender really does drain some of the moral stakes out of the question, you know? From a dilemma with genuinely unclear outcome to just a particularly cruel and slimy trolley problem. Which I mean, still juicy character drama! I did enjoy it.

As Space Opera

There are many works of SFF which are, frankly, setting bibles with an excuse of a story stapled on out of obligation. This isn’t one of them, but it is a book written by people who clearly enjoyed the worldbuilding for its own sake and were always looking for little excuses to show off a bit of it. This is probably clearest with Anjiin – from a plotting perspective, they could have sketched out the basics of the world in a paragraph, assuming they didn’t just use some vague future Earth or Mars instead. But Anjiin actually feels like a fully realized world with its own politics and hypocrisies, its own culture and theology, and (especially) its own beautiful and profoundly alien landscapes and architectures. The last thing makes the book’s job much harder, really – the sense of shock and alienation (as well as a guilty sort of curious wonder) at the Carryx world-palace is vital to the book, making the home the cast is stolen away from so strange and unfamiliar as well can only make it harder to evoke in the reader.

The book spends something like the first fifty pages on Anjiin before the Carryx arrive – before (almost) anyone have the slightest idea they exist – introducing the main cast and their dynamics, sketching out their daily lives, and grounding Anjiin a real, vibrant place that it’s possible to get properly attached to. Vitally, it’s not a world without conflict – Dafyd et al spend the entire time embroiled in high stakes academic intrigues and interpersonal dramas, of a kind that could easily sustain a book on their own. This was a big part of why the book worked so well for me, I think – the loss of Anjiin felt like a loss, the cutting off of possibilities I wanted to see play out, the execution of characters I enjoyed seeing on the page. Given how often these sorts of stories can (unintentionally or no) read ‘and then they were whisked from boring mundanity with dramatic fireworks accompanying them’, I’m glad the book spent the wordcount on it.

The Carryx needed to really overawe and impress, which I think the book mostly manages. Their society seems both plausible and viscerally alien. The book does a neat job of obscuring the exact border between their (weird and fascinating) biology and their obsessively eugenic imperial ideology, in a way that seems very fitting given that both the characters we spend any time with at all are middle/lower-middle ranking strategists and overseers in the imperial project.

This is very much an empire which starts with the iron fist and only bothers mentioning the existence of carrots after a new subject population is brutalized and terrified into full submission. Their ideology is a half-step short of pure power worship, and makes no excuses butchering and exterminating to make the world more convenient for them – none of them ever refer to other species as anything but ‘animals’. This isn’t an empire that tries to convert and persuade – but then, it’s not one that needs to.

The world-palace and assembled ranks of other species gathered in it does an excellent job of being genuinely awe-inspiring even for the characters who hate every solitary thing about it. One great advantage of written science fiction over more visual media is that there’s no real need to make your aliens humanoid or relatable-looking, and Corey takes full advantage of it to fill the prison camp with dozens of memorable, different species – absolute none of which could be played by an actor in makeup.

Of course, those aliens are mostly just set dressing – with the exception of one species of primates that humanity is placed into competition with that ends up in a mutually escalating and quite bloody vendetta – the only alien species represented by actual characters with names and points of view are the Carryx and the infiltration-swarm sent by their great enemy to get scooped up along with humanity and gather information about their inner workings. It does this by consuming and possessing one of the main cast, and the book has great fun keeping coy about who for half the book while still using it as a secondary Point of View. Even more than the Carryx, it does a good job of coming across as both genuinely alien (probably because it is an alien-ness in conversation with the humanity of the two hosts it has assimilated) while still being an incredibly compelling character.

Characterization

Dafyd has a habit/nervous tic of looking for people’s ‘pathological behavior’ – the habits and tendencies they default onto in situations of high stress or while they feel in danger or powerless. This is, then, the lens the book invites as far as its characters go. Every one one of them spends the vast majority of the book cycling from one trauma response to another, and each is probably mostly characterized by the way they respond and the things they fixate on as their world is destroyed and they reckon with their own powerlessness. Fixate on the research the Carryx want and at to try and pretend life is still recognizable, or get angrier and angrier and jump at the first chance to justify beating some other inmates to death to feel a bit of agency and control. Plot out a nobly suicidal strike back against your oppressors, or try desperately to understand what they want so you can manipulate them and ensure the survival of you and yours. Or just constantly make off-color and mostly unfunny jokes.

None of it is exactly subtle, but it all rings pretty true, and does a good job making (almost) every cast member compelling and memorable. It helps, I suppose, that we end up spending at least a chapter or two in the head of half the main human cast, and get plenty of careful observation or intimate conversation with the rest. I’m aware some people really despise this sort of POV-hopping in a story (especially when it’s mostly just different perspectives on the same broad events/circumstances) but personally I rather adore it when it’s done well and they each seem both plausible and distinct, which this book easily manages.

In Conversation with the Wider Genre

I am at this point a bit of of a connoisseur of the hyper-specific subgenre of ‘space opera/spec fic more generally deeply concerned imperialism, colonialism, the experience of subjugation, and the internal logics of complicity and collaboration’ – a shelf which its always great to add new works to. I don’t particularly think Mercy was written in direct response to or is actively commenting on any similar works, but it is fascinating to do a bit of a compare/contrast. Well, it is for me, anyway.

Compared to your Memory Called Empire’s and your Imperial Radch’s the most salient really thing is how uncomplicatedly awful the Carryx are. Not that the empires in those books ostensibly aren’t, but they’re simultaneously also cultured, elegant, rich – in a word, alluring. We spend as much or more time on the intricacies of Radachi tea ceremonies and soap operas as we do on their atrocities, and even that makes the messy brutality of imperialism far more foregrounded relative to the seductive beauty of salon poetry and monumental architecture than it is in Memory. Mercy, in contrast, mostly shows the awe-inspiring beauty of the Carryx world palaces through the windows of a prison-camp. It’s there – we even meet the subject-species who were enslaved instead of exterminated because they can architect such wonders – but only really incidentally. The glory of the Carryx is their vastness and their overwhelming might, all the elegance and beauty they have is the fruit of conquest – and more often than not, different subject-species are introduced with hints or notes of how much more they were, before they were crushed and carved into something the empire could use. (This is almost certainly related to the fact that the only point of view we get whose at all a native or wiling agent of the empire is very minor, and clearly a villain without much in the day of redeeming or morally interesting features).

The better comparison is really Exordia. Or maybe I’m only saying that because it’s the one I read this year, and thus the one whose interesting little complications are at least somewhat clear in my head. Better put, Mercy is exactly the story Clayton from Exordia thought he was in. In both the empire is both alien and undisguised in its malice (two things that are probably related, really), in both the empire doesn’t feel any need to understand or integrate humanity, when overwhelming superiority in technology, scale, and availability of coercive force allow it to just threaten and brutalize until it gets what it wants. The humans in Exordia are just both more and less lucky. Less, because their alien invaders are even more monomaniacally (indeed, metaphysically) malevolent to the point that even being their willing accomplice only buys hours to days of life. More, because they have an ancient relic of a plot device buried in the mountains to give a bit of cause for actual hope in violent resistance (and so a final act of the story concerned with an entirely different suite of messy trolley problems).

It’s an interesting addition to the subgenre anyway – I really can’t recall any other books that have a protagonist collaborating with the empire while not at any point being seduced by it. Well no, that’s a lie – Machinaries of Empire does hit the same beat, just in extraordinarily different ways.

Should Your Read This Book?

The answer is at least partially conditional on how the rest of the series turns out – the narrative absolutely requires sequels, and oh how they could retroactively absolutely ruin it. But with just the one book and a bit of optimism? If the premise seems even slightly intriguing, then absolutely.

[depizan]

I realize worldbuilding is rarely the focus of game development, but oh god do I wish Bioware had made some kind of basic worldbuilding bible for the Old Republic before turning various writers loose. Most of the time, it doesn't affect the enjoyment of the game itself, but if you want to write fic, you're basically left doing all of the worldbuilding the devs didn't.

Except instead of worldbuilding from scratch, you're worldbuilding from a scoop of puzzle pieces (each apparently from a different puzzle), half a box of Legos, and two slightly linty gummy bears.

I realize that sometimes this is because I care about worldbuilding things that aren't really important to the the game. (See the whole "how does medical care work in this galaxy, beyond "dip them in kolto, they'll be fine"?" issue.) But sometimes things that are addressed in game leave me wanting to grab it with both hands and shake it vigorously while shouting "make sense, damn it!"

Granted, it still partially comes back to my writing choices. If I didn't focus on space criminals, I would probably care a hell of a lot less about how crime and the law works in the galaxy far, far away. However, I do focus on space criminals*. And I am just going to have Adam Savage or Director Fury everything, as what we get in game is nearly all linty gummy bears.

Okay, no, in the case of the Empire, you mostly just have two not-quite compatible sets of puzzle pieces, and it's not all that hard to make a coherent whole of a government that wants to be (or at least appear) very Lawful, despite the fact that Sith (at least the Chaotic flavored ones) keep mucking shit up. We even have a pretty clear idea of what happens to various types of prisoners and criminals in the Empire. No, it isn't consistent, but it's inconsistent in a way that makes sense. (Here's how it's supposed to work. Except when Sith get involved. With a side of "The nepotism, bribery, and corruption we hate the Republic for? Yeah, we've got those, too.")

But the Republic is 90% unpleasantly fuzzy gummy bears smashed into the shape of puzzle pieces. I feel like most writers didn't think about how it worked, legally, at all and just sort of operated with the idea that it's got, you know, normal law stuff. *waves hands vaguely* Police and courts and prisons and whatever. Kind of like America. (The "law stuff" of which the writer has no clearer idea of.) Which would be fine if not for fucking Belsavis. Because everything around Belsavis tosses that vague law stuff idea out the window and replaces it with what in all fuck.

I don't think it's ever flat out said, but there are chunks of dialogue that suggest that Belsavis is the Republic's only prison. A goddamned secret prison planet that no one knows about is it. Which means the idea of courts just went out the window. (Well, except for secret courts.) Worse, the variety of people imprisoned there in various class (and planetary, but let's not even touch that arc, because christ on fucking toast what the whole entire fuck, writers) back up the reading that prison in the Republic = Belsavis. You've got a crime lord and his fellow criminals (who were somehow convicted as if they were one person, what the hell???), a military squadron (who I believe explicitly had a secret trial?), Jedi who need psychiatric help, and I can't even remember what else (do we get political prisoners outside of the planet arc/extra quests? what about the prisoners of war?)

I refuse to believe that the writers meant for the Republic to be better at the whole terrifying secret police/courts thing than the Empire. I'm pretty sure Belsavis is supposed to be Space Guantanamo (if with extra what the fuck sauce.) and everything else legal in the Republic operates on "I think I saw this on Law and Order." Which, okay, then in ficverse worldbuilding, we just toss everything Belsavis related out the window. That's fine. There's laws and courts and prisons and fines and stuff.

Except then what do we do with anything Belsavis related in the class stories, if we're using those at all? Relocate them to something that fits vaguely understood American legal system land? Try to make their happening on/in Space Guantanamo make sense?

Which means I need to know what I want the Republic to be. Is it flawed but trying to do good? Is it gray but still the better side of the conflict? Is it merely the lesser evil? How dark is this galaxy?

The Republic doesn't have to be perfect shiny good. It probably doesn't even have to be good, at all, just better than the alternatives. But here's a degree of fucked up that the Republic can't go past without my characters deciding that, even if it might still be better than the alternatives, it's still bad. Like, unsupportably bad. Belsavis, as it's portrayed in game, is way past that moral event horizon. (And the game just assumes it wouldn't be a moral event horizon for the characters (or the players!) and merrily carries on as if nothing had changed. Aaagh.)

[Side note: I think I just realized how the writers ended up with Belsavis without realizing the depth of the horror they'd created. They mashed up prison colony planet (drop prisoners, leave. ala transporting criminals.) with Space Guantanamo and then made it secret and didn't realize that generational prisoners in a prison is a) vastly different from "well, you've been transported, so your descendants will also suffer your fate" (which I don't even think is what actually happened) and b) suggests...ah...very bad things about how those descendants came to exist in the first place.

Then again, they threw in experimentation on inmates, horrible conditions, and general fuckery. And then still thought we should be on the side of the wardens. I just don't really know what was going on with the writing around this planet.]

Aaanyway, if I deal with Belsavis in fic, it has to be filed down to being terrible at a level that doesn't put the Republic on the bad guy list to the crew of the Luck, and/or it has to be dealt with in some way. Or it has to be a breaking point for working with the Republic.

I don't know what I want to do with it. I do know it can't be as terrible as what's in game, because that is way too fucking dark and horrible to deal with, even if it were abolished afterward.

And I didn't even start out trying to figure out what to do about Belsavis. Argh! Damned planet just corrupts everything it touches.

I was trying to figure out what the legal system of the Republic was even supposed to look like in the first place.

I think that's something I'll just have to make up. Considering there's really nothing to go on in game. (Besides the Hell Planet that I hate nearly as much as the other Hell Planet.)

Writing, or even just thinking about writing, is complicated.

*I realize this label is most accurate for Jezari, and not at all accurate for Savler, at least not in my take on how things work. The important part is that they're all operating in the space law and order end of things, at least part of the time.

[rambleswhatsthepoint]

02/13/2023

ugh i’ve been in a deep dark hole again because of work.  it will be 17 years here in May, so i should know better.  i’ve been focused on trying to find a new job again and this time, it’s going to happen damn it.

i’ve talked to quite a few people about this already as i was flaming pissed, so it feels redundant to write it out here, but fuck it, i’ll want to remember the straw that broke the camel’s back later.

it was my Monday meeting with my boss last week.  he proceeds to tell me of a wonderful idea he’s had that will really help out my team.  effectively moving off a third of my staff and their responsibilities under another dept.  and he’s already decided, he’s not asking me for feedback.  then like 30 minutes later on our internal group management call, he proceeds to announce this wonderful plan of his to the group.  there i was totally blindsided and not even given a day to digest.  i was so flaming pissed as it was just utterly disrespectful to make such a huge change about MY team without any discussion with me.

oh i’m sure he discussed it with the bitch who runs the other team.  she’d love to take my job.  she wanted my job.  and i’m sure it has to do with the fact that his wife who works part time for my team is part of the people that would move over to report to the other dept cause they’re just fucking besties.

nepotism and favoritism and manipulation.  that’s all there is here.  and you don’t get rewarded for working harder so what’s the point?  and i’ve KNOWN THIS for so long, just was willing to move with the system.

so he knows i’m pissed.  on the mgmt call i didn’t say a fucking word when he asked for thoughts/feedback.  i didn’t even say good bye at the end of the call.  we don’t talk much the rest of the week, partially because he travels to a client visit.  

so then today rolls around, it’s our monday meeting again.  that pushover speaks about anything else under the sun for 40 minutes.  i’m the one that has to bring up the elephant in the room.  so i mention that i brought it up with my management layer because i didn’t want them to be blindsided like me.  (nothing).  ask for a meeting for him to talk them through it and share a spreadsheet with questions and notes with him.  he begins to start a story to compliment how great my team is again and i just cut him off.  i said “i don’t need to hear this again” with my super dead voice.   no emotion whatsover cause i don’t give a fuck.   and he stops and apologizes and says he’s sorry if he sounds like he’s just pandering to me.  says yes it’s a great idea to have the meeting to get feedback and buy in.  then in my dead voice again i say “well that’s kind of ironic that you say you want feedback and buy in NOW.”   again not a fucking thing to say.

then 30 minutes later we have another call with our projects group.  speedy called me afterwards  to say i must have broken a record with all my “fuck”s used in the meeting.  i thought that was kind of funny as i didn’t even notice as i don’t even care.  i don’t fucking know and i don’t fucking care.

i need to get out.  i was toying with the idea of just telling my boss hey i fucking hate this place i’m quitting.  but no, i want it to be a surprise.  two weeks notice, 3 if possible and fuck you i’m out.   i don’t even care if i end up getting a contract position (vs. direct hire) somewhere else.  anything is better than staying here.

and i’m never coming back, unlike that stupid bitch who can’t survive anywhere else except where her bestie is boss and she can manipulate the shit out of him.  where sisters and wives and daughters and sister in laws and sons all get jobs and can do whatever the fuck they want.

fuck. i hate them and hope i can find something new soon.  i don’t want to think of anything long term.

then on top of our internal work bullshit, there was external work bullshit with a stupid ass sales person trying to look like a hero when he is just a know nothing douche.  but that was worked through by thursday.

i’m so behind on things and i don’t even care.  morale on my team of the mgmt level at least has taken a huge dump.  yet they don’t hear it in my voice that i’m fucking sick of it and am trying to leave them.  i don’t think they can conceive of it.  i do love my team and what we’ve built and how well WE work together.  it’s all the meddling bitches that are just ruining it.  and i cannot stay.  it’s all of our choices to put up with the bullshit.  we are NOT a family.  we don’t owe our job ANYTHING.  it’s a CHOICE.  a choice for them to treat us like shit.  a choice for us to stay and just take it.  they should hear it, because i can’t pretend, i can’t be happy, and my voice sounds DEAD because I DON’T CARE.

today just sucked all the life out of me.  though i did speak with an old friend today who has some positions at her company she could possibly hire me for so... yay for small hope there.  

[organchordsandlightning]

been thinking a lot about the Jonah Magnus backstory I like

in that he was born the only son of a wealthy lord and was genuinely pretty intelligent but lacked ambition and work drive, to his father’s dismay. He mostly grows up around his father/mother and the staff that work the estate.

I like the idea that he does have a connection to the Eye, personified mostly through his habit of watching the guests/staff through a telescope from the attic. He gets nothing out of schmoozing, but he does get an unexpected pleasure out of knowing everyone’s dirty little secrets (whether to get them fired or just to get a sense of Undeserved Superiority, because his father might complain about him but at least he doesn’t fuck behind the stables)

He lived a pretty pampered life that sheltered him from most everything, except one day, he gets a chance encounter that acquaints him with the concept of dying.

(My preferred one is that he’s coming back from a hunting lesson, sees his father has destroyed his telescope, and - after his hunting instructor tries to admonish him about something minor - jonah shoots him through the chest in a rage impulse. He doesn’t mean to kill him, he was just. Angry.) 

And Jonah is no fool, he knows what death is. He hunts and has had elderly relatives die and has read about it in books. But seeing someone die flips something in him, some sort of fear that he didn’t know he had. His life is fine, he supposes, but the idea that it could just end? That easily? Terrifies him.

His father can excuse a lot of things, but shooting a member of the staff in broad daylight is going to cause some concern. Besides, Jonah finally needs to learn a good work ethic.

He bundles him off to London with an apprenticeship and a lot of money. Jonah immediately drops the former and engages in a life of nepotism, because hey, might as well enjoy life if it’s all going to end? He certainly doesn’t make any friends among the lower class of London, but he is rich and seems to know where the best places to find a good time are (because what better way to watch people?)

Except, one day, one of his ‘friends” ends up dying (how I write it, they’re wandering around London almost blind drunk and he pitches into the Thames, because the late 1700s/early 1800s was wild in London) and Jonah has another crisis. What’s the point in enjoying stuff if it’s not going to matter one day? 

In drunk misery, he tries to stagger back home when he runs into - in his opium-addled mind - the most beautiful building that he’s ever seen. The windows are exquisitely crafted to look like an eye, staring down at him, and Jonah genuinely f eels like he’s being watched. that’s how to live forever, he thinks to himself. One can live forever through the act of creation, surely. And he goes over and looks and sees it was built by Robert Smirke. 

long story short, because he’s still a Magnus and his family is still wealthy and jonah can schmooze when he wants to, he ends up apprenticing himself to Smirke for ages. that’s what introduces him to the fears.

(as an aside, while I think the privilege is still very much A Big Reason, I also think Smirke sees in Jonah a gigantic fear of the Entity that he’s started to call the End. He’s never found someone with such an acute fear of it and brings him along, initially, as more of a secret case study. Except holy shit, this rich weirdo is actually really, really good at getting people’s secrets).

fast forward ten years (during which, he gets connections to the rest - bennett and lukas and all sorts) and jonah finds himself frustrated with smirke. Smirke’s so concentrated on architecture instead of research and refuses to align himself with any one Entity; meanwhile, Jonah realizes how much more they could Know if they aligned themselves with the Eye. they could be granted abilities beyond anything they could ever imagine. and Jonah starts to serve his patron. 

Eventually, Smirke discovers this and it causes a schism between them, because out of everyone, Jonah ought to know that aligning yourself with an Entity never does anything good. Jonah thinks Smirke is an old-fashioned fool - and he’s started to get fed up with architecture, anyway, though he starts to understand the power of attaching the Entities to physical objects. Instead, he takes all of his contacts and his wealth and starts a research library in Edinborough. Named after himself, of course.

Jonah starts having dreams - beautiful ones, really - of a world rewritten, lasting forever and granting him what he wants most. And, his dreams croon to him, if Jonah does this ... then the Eye will grant him as much time as he needs. Jonah would live forever, both in this world and the next. And of course he’s not going to say no.

while I’m not particularly fussed about it when people write Jonah with a tragic backstory (or, alternatively, a rags-to-riches one, even if both are valid), I’m really partial to Jonah being born highly privileged and his aversion to dying coming from a place of sheltered fear. He just gives off the vibe of ‘how much can a banana cost, Michael?’ and, to me, it explains his willful ineptitude for certain things [the Institute being very poorly run, Jonah knows how to improve it but doesn’t really care to] and his arrogance, right to the end. 

[miss-noo-na]

Strange Love (Part 1)

Title: Strange Love

Featuring: Johnny (NCT) x Reader

Rating: Mature. Future updates to include BDSM themes

Summary: Your job is finally recognizing all the hard work you’ve been putting in, and assigns you to a special project that includes travel. The only downside is that you have to team up with your cocky co-worker. In the process you learn about his predilections and what he does to relieve stress in his downtime, and how they might come to benefit you, too. 

The copier spluttered and buzzed as it spit out page after page of the same report. Sometimes it jammed and you had to tap it just right for it to start up again, you knew it like clockwork now, not even having to shift your stance or your gaze to do it. You had made friends with the piece of equipment ages ago, this thing was older than some of the new hires in the office.

You had been there for 3 years now, but it felt much longer. You found the job out of college because of its promised upward mobility and company culture, and after a while neither one of those things mattered anymore. You had only had one partial raise and “company culture” really just meant there was cake in the break room once a month.

You didn’t know why you stayed. Actually, you did, but didn’t want to admit it to yourself. You were afraid.

You had always been timid, knowing what you wanted but too anxious to go after it. You could be stubborn and even stand up for yourself, but often you fell by the wayside, worried about making too much of a fuss. You developed a fine-tuned talent for painting on a smile, seeming agreeable, then grumbling under your breath and to your friends over drinks. You would convince yourself things would change, but they never did. 

When the copier stopped with its signature grinding halt you snapped out of your reverie, piling the papers in arm to hand them out around the office. Busy-work, per usual.

When you stepped out of the room you immediately looked across the hall to the windowed room of your manager, able to hear his muffled laughter, head tossed back as he slapped his hand on another mans back. Your eyes set into a narrow glare at the other person.

John Suh had only shown up 9 months ago and he was already 2 positions ahead of you, with his fancy degree and family connections. They liked to pretend they didn’t play favorites but it was obvious from the moment he stepped in the door that he had something the rest of you didn’t, connections and his daddy’s money.

Plus, there was just this air of overconfidence he carried that enraged you. Not only did he have an advantage, he liked to act like it was his savvy business sense and charm that got him there. 

The most annoying part of all is that no one else felt the way you did.

He was clearly attractive, the only person in the office who didn’t get shit from the boss for growing his hair out or not buttoning up his jacket. Every girl in the office from the 19 year old receptionist to the 67 year old accountant practically swooned when he talked to them. This, of course, made you look like the asshole to your colleagues. They called you distrustful and told you to be a little more open-minded, but you didn’t have patience for nepotism and unearned praise.

If you thought about it too long, the frustration built up and where did that leave you? You went about your business for the afternoon, intent on ignoring his presence like you usually did.

As you neared the manager’s door, he suddenly poked his head out and smiled at you.

“Hey there, can I grab you for a second?”

And then he disappeared inside, through the glass you could see him speak to your nemesis once more. Your stomach dropped, what could he possibly need? You set the stack down on your desk and returned to the office, clearing your throat as you entered since they were chatting and laughing like you didn’t exist.

“There you are, have a seat.” He said as he went to his desk, gesturing to the chairs in front of it. You were surprised when John took the seat next to yours, but chose to pretend he wasn’t there.

“I’ve had this project brewing for a few months now, and whilst going over potential candidates your name came up.”

Project? Your name? 

“You’ve been loyal to the company for years, your workflow looks great, and I’ve never heard a fuss out of you. You’re honestly a prime worker for this position.”

“What position would that be, sir?” You asked gently, knowing he had a habit of going on tangents if you let him. Plus, all of this was lip service you’d heard since you started. They were always quick to praise, but never do anything that actually showed that it mattered in a way that helped you. Empty compliments.

“This is our main office, and the system we have here is the best in the business, but unfortunately that’s not the case in some of our smaller offices. They’re falling behind and their technology and practices aren’t getting updated in a timely fashion. Basically, they need help, and that’s where you two come in.”

Two? You peered over at the man next to you from the corner of your eye, and quickly back again.

“I’m not sure I follow. Aren’t these offices spread out all over the country?” You asked.

“Precisely. We’ve opened up a position for trainers, someone who is free to travel and can help these places get set up. You would spend about a week or less in each place, we would make sure you have proper accommodations and a stipend, of course.”

It dawned on you what he meant and you felt a mix of emotions. It was about time someone realized your potential and the hard work you had been putting in, even if you were still confused on how your name got brought up. You didn’t have any problem traveling, there was no relationship or particular thing that kept you tied down in one spot.

“Oh, and the 30% raise.”

You perked up at that, then quickly tried to make yourself appear neutral again.

“That does sound enticing.”

“What do you say? I think you both would be great at it.”

You fully looked over now, and made brief eye contact with the man who offered you an encouraging smile.

“We would be working...together?”

“It’s a two-man, excuse me, two-person job. I can tell you now I think you would make an excellent team.”

You didn’t even know him like that, and everything you did know you weren’t particularly fond of.  You had maybe spoken a handful of words to each other, in passing.  Things like “excuse me” and “here’s that report you needed.” The idea of having to spend so much time around him didn’t sit well with you, but how could you pass up such an opportunity? it was strictly business, it’s not like you had to be best friends.

“Okay, then.” You nodded and forced an uneasy smile. 

“Fantastic! I’ll draw up the paperwork tonight and get you on your schedule within the week. In the meantime, I encourage you two to get to know each other.” 

You left the office, intent on going straight back to your desk, but your new partner stopped you.

“I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced, I’m John, but everyone just calls me Johnny.”

He stuck his hand out and you had to fight the urge to cringe, there was no way in hell you were going to call him that.

You were cordial, shook his hand and told him your name, avoided eye contact. Being this close to him you didn’t realize until now how tall he was.

“You want to grab some lunch with me? My treat, we can hammer out some details.”

“I’m a little busy this aftern-”

“It’ll be fine, the boss insists we form a game plan and I know a spot around the corner.” He cut you off and started to walk away as if you already agreed. You wanted to fight him on it, but that wasn’t the best way to start out a brand new position. You sighed and followed.

The “spot” was basically a sports bar, that was practically dead, save for a few people at the bar watching a baseball game. You sat at a table near the back and wished you could get a beer, but you still had a whole work day ahead of you.

“So it’s like, part trainer, part teacher, part IT. Do you have any experience in IT? I actually started out in computer science before I switched to business, my dad thought it was the best for my career path. I mean, I guess he was right because here I am.”

He was….different, than you thought he would be. You only saw him in the office, turning on his charm and worming his way into things. Here, he was talkative and friendly, and it was throwing you off-guard. The casual humble-brag about his background wasn’t making him anymore likable, though. 

“No, I majored in English.”

I swear to God if he says-

“English? Aren’t you already fluent?”

You closed your eyes for a second while his stupid laugh rang in your ears.

“Anyway, I think this is going to be an awesome opportunity for us. I mean, how lucky are we to get picked for this?”

“I wouldn’t call it luck.” You grumbled before taking a drink, not really intending him to hear it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s not luck.” You said as you met his eyes fully for the first time. “Not for me. I’ve worked my ass off for this company for years, it’s only luck for people who got a head start.”

You sank your teeth into your tongue just as the words left you, and you could see the smile fade from his face. You suddenly felt flush and thought about apologizing, but he spoke up.

“Ah, so you think I had a leg up?”

“I didn’t mean-”

He waved a hand and laughed. “It’s fine, I know everyone thinks that, you’re just the first person to say it to my face.”

You couldn’t tell if he was offended and playing it off, or if he was really this nonchalant about it. 

“Look, no offense, but I don’t think we need to be buddies for this to work. I would rather just get in the field and work things out from there.” You explained as directly as you could. 

“That’s fair.” He nodded, to your surprise. 

The small-talk ended and when he tried to pay for lunch, you insisted on giving your share. The rest of the day was uneventful, except for the twinge of guilt you had when you thought back on how you spoke to him.

When you got home, you collapsed on the couch next to your roommate, a graphic designer who worked from home and was always in her PJs. You envied her.

“Another rough day at the office, sweetie?” She asked, patting you on the head, condescending but still sincere.

“Remember that douchebag at work I told you about?”

“Oh, the cute one?” She asked with a smile, having seen him when coming to drop off some lunch for you once.

“Whatever, anyway.” You sat up to face her. “The good news is that I got a promotion to a position that lets me travel.”

“Hey, that’s great!” She beamed.

“The bad news is that we have to do it together.”

She looked to consider it for a moment before her lips curled into a devious smile. “On the road for work? Hotel stays? Working in close proximity? Ohh, this is like a spicy romance novel!”

“Ew, stop.” You scowled.

“Only if you stop pretending he’s not hot.”

“Someone can be objectively hot and I can still not like them or be attracted to them. He’s arrogant and he seems to think we’re on the same page somehow. He’s oblivious to his own privilege.”

“Okay, I get that, sorry for teasing you. But hey, this is the break you were looking for, right? Focus on the positive.”

“Thank you.”

She opened up her arms and you hugged for a long moment.

“Maybe while you’re traveling you’ll finally get laid.” She said suddenly into your ear, and you pulled back and glared at her.

“Sorry, sorry! I just know that lately you haven’t really been-”

You stood up from the couch as she spoke. “I’m going to my room now.”

“Let me know if you need help packing!”

You closed your bedroom door and sighed. She meant well, but she had a way of saying things so bluntly that it didn’t quite help. She was right about that, though. Your career wasn’t the only stagnant thing in your life. 

You hadn’t had a steady boyfriend in 2 years, and in that time had only experienced a sprinkling of dates that never went anywhere and the 2-3 times you randomly hooked up with someone to great disappointment. Frustrated was an understatement, and you knew part of it was bleeding over into your professional life. 

You didn’t expect to have any sort of passionate tryst while out for work, but maybe simply getting into a new scenery would make you feel better?

To Be Continued

[avelera]

I have a history question- if it was so important to keep bishops from having sons and passing their titles to said sons and creating a dynastic church, why was the rule "bishops can't get married" rather than "bishops can get married, their sons just can't inherit the father's office"?

Let me start, somewhat facetiously but also not facetiously, by saying holy shit would that not work in the days before paternity tests. But from there, let me go into a longer explanation of why priestly “celibacy” needed to focus on the priests, not their offspring. (Plus, birth rates being what they were, it’s MUCH easier to say one guy can’t have sex but IF he has kids and they enter the Church, eh, we’ll just look the other way vs. saying his TWELVE KIDS are now part of an entire growing class of dudes from rich, powerful, and connected families who CAN’T be priests.)

So it’s probably an oversimplification to say “preventing a clerical blood aristocracy was the only reason for requiring marital celibacy of priests.” Much like the Catholic Church itself, there are many interdisciplinary aspects for every decision, in this case it’s not just an economic or sociological choice, but also a spiritual and doctrinal one.

Catholicism and Christianity in general grew partially out of a Jewish tradition known as “Ascetic Judaism” - one such famous figure of this movement is John “the Baptist” (to such an extent that one reason you have all these “passing of the torch” stories about JtB anointing Jesus as the real Messiah is because he was a much more popular and famous figure in his day within the same movement, so the Jesus Cult was trying to steal a bit of that sparkle and claim it as their own by saying John, who probably never met Jesus, totally knew about him and knew HE’S THE MESSIAH, ANYWAY).  

Asceticism is marked by things we expect of priests today like practicing self denial in terms of worldly pleasures like sex. Or food. Or talking. Ascetic Christian hermits as a phenomenon grew out of this tradition, people who went out into the desert and lived for years without speaking to anyone, barely eating, just praying and contemplating God etc etc and THAT is the origin of a lifestyle that eventually turned into monasteries, because living alone in a cave can be pretty dangerous so if you want to have safety in numbers while living alone, barely talking, fasting and praying, it’s nice to be in a larger group of people doing the same thing. 

Which is a roundabout way of saying - sexual self-denial was ALREADY seen as a virtue in the Church and considered “Christ-like” behavior going back to Christ being part of the Ascetic Jewish movement in the 1st c CE. Now they were just asking their priests to be more Christ-like. This had the dual benefit of cutting down on a form of corruption like nepotism.

Now, for the record, saying priests couldn’t have sons to inherit their position didn’t exactly work. For example, Cesare and Lucrezia Borgia, two of the most famous and powerful people of the Renaissance, were the known children of Pope Alexander VI and in Italy there was basically an entire aristocracy around the children, nieces, nephews, extended family, etc. of powerful clergy members. BUT this was viewed throughout as a form of open corruption, enough so that it is part of why Martin Luther was so outraged by the clerical corruption he saw in Rome, that he started the reform movement that eventually became Protestantism. 

Going back to the paternity tests: look, there’s very few organizations in history that go out of their way to deny power to powerful men. Taking an entire caste of priestly children, keeping in mind that priests are powerful figures in their community, and saying these kids can’t be in the Church would just... not work. On any level. It would be overridden overnight (as the open-secret version of priestly kids was), in part because you don’t want to lose out on your pool of potential recruits, and in part because it’s so easy to get around by just being like “Oh yeah, this is my nephew, totally not my son” and finally because guys kinda hate denying their paternity for deep biological reasons or whatever and having their legacy require that they pretend this kid isn’t theirs so the kid can rise to power is just super counterintuitive to every way we’ve seen men operate in power across history. Basically, it’s way too easy to get around AND you destroy your own recruitment field. Much easier to prevent one guy from having a dozen kids than saying a dozen kids can’t enter the Church. 

(I mean, holy shit, just imagine the SPREADSHEETS you’d need to keep track of all those kids in the days before databases. We can’t contact trace Coronavirus in most countries, how is a Medieval society supposed to keep track of which kids belong to WHICH PRIEST and DENY those kids from entering the clergy in any systemic manner??)

And finally, one more economic reason: you put your sons in the Church so you didn’t have to divide your assets further when they inherited. There were societal and economic reasons to cull reproduction rates in a way that benefited society. To say priests can have kids but those kids can’t enter the clergy destroys the value of having sons of the wealthy be able to enter positions of power without further subdividing the lands and fortunes of their families WHILE also creating very quickly a huge pool of wealthy, powerful sons who CAN’T enter the clergy. 

So I guess the answer is... it’s complicated? And I’m probably explaining some of this poorly because there’s a lot of ins and outs of this, some of it is based on tradition and dogma for the Church and some of it is about dealing with practicalities, and those things are talked about or not talked about independently, and have tons of intended and unintended consequences over the years, so I’m maybe adding some stuff and not mentioning other stuff for reasons that I don’t know about them (for example, there’s also the whole tradition where the CHURCH says it’s so the guy who becomes a priest treats all members of his congregation as his children instead of just, well, his actual children, which is very nice and aspirational but also lol not true for huge swathes of Church history). ANYWAY, hope that helps!

[astudyinfreewill]

Hi! So I recently found out that Harvard wasn't Adam's first choice for college (what a guy afkjsg). Do we know which college he wanted to go to that rejected him? And if not, which college do you think it was?

hey! what a guy indeed, lol :’)

as for the college he didn’t get into, we don’t know what it was (yet, at least). but we do know that he wanted to go to an ivy league university specifically, so aside from harvard, that leaves:

Brown University (Providence, Rhode Island)

Columbia University (New York City, New York)

Cornell University (Ithaca, New York) 

Dartmouth College (Hanover, New Hampshire) 

University of Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Princeton University (Princeton, New Jersey)

Yale University (New Haven, Connecticut)

i wasn’t raised or schooled in the states, so i’m not sure which of those would be considered “better” than harvard; i get the sense that perhaps yale or princeton would have been up there? (maybe adam is doing a reverse rory gilmore, wanting to go to yale but eventually ending up at harvard, lol)

of course it’s also just possible that it doesn’t have to do with prestige, and one of those schools simply had a specific program adam wanted to do, and the others are not as good of a match for his interests. we don’t really know.

personally, pre-cdth, i always had a soft spot for adam going to columbia university. i’m not sure why -- i guess it’s that harvard and yale were the “obvious” choices, the ones that gansey’s parents attended and that gansey himself is expected to attend (partially through nepotism); or maybe it’s just that i think for someone like adam, born and raised in a podunk town in the middle of nowhere, virginia, the idea of going to a school in new york city -- the big apple itself!! -- would have been really appealing (cambridge is pretty, but it’s a fairly small town). it seemed to align very well what he used to dream of -- y’know, “a stainless-steel condo in a dustless city”. so if it turns out that that’s where he wanted to go and he was rejected, i would feel extremely vindicated lmao

(did i decide adam should move to new york partly based on taylor swift’s welcome to new york? MAYBE ok. you don’t know my life)

...but actually, songs DO come into this because maggie literally tagged a song about new york “adam parrish” way back when and i lost my shit

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA + V as Senior Citizens

requested: by anonymous

a/n: this is?? a super cute ask?? totally seems like the sequel to an old MC lmao

warnings: n/a

-young mod alex

Jumin

-distinguished gentleman through and through

-he’s the type of man that ages gracefully, i hc him to look kind of like eugenes dad (for anyone who watches the try guys)

-he’s faithful to his spouse until the day he dies, and provides the best care for his children, especially supporting them no matter what their passions are

-even though physically the age still has taken a toll on him, the crows feet and laugh lines only prove that he’s led a good life

-he doesn’t believe in “old people activities”

-would rather die than play bingo, he does however enjoy the odd game of mahjong, and even the occasional board game, but only when he’s playing with his kids (however he’s ruthless and doesn’t go easy on them)

-he teaches the kids how to play chess

-his sense of fashion never changes, always sporting a crisp suit and his classic striped dress shirt

-he starts collecting italian shoes as a hobby once he reaches 60, and he’s never been so proud of a collection

-resigns as CEO and passes on the company not to his children, but to the most qualified prospect, changing his ideas on nepotism, now wholeheartedly believing in hard work and working your way up

-you can see the change in him post marrying you, as more and more magazines claim he’s gone “soft” in his old age, but in reality he doesn’t fear the public eye and although sometimes he struggles with emotional blocks, with you by his side he can handle anything

Jaehee

-she’s the anime grandma that chases the troublemakin’ young’uns out of her shop with a broom

-very wholesome old lady, she never gives up her cafe, and although Jumin offers to help her expand her business, she refuses, insisting that she wants it to be family owned

-she teaches your guys’ kids and grandkids how to bake, and at first she seems like she has no patience, trying to discipline them, but you catch her smiling at your first grandchild, a 3 year old boy who's hands are covered with flour as he claps vigorously, childish wonder as flour poofs in a magical cloud

-she always continues to love and support zens work and shows, but her interests start to move on once she reaches her late forties

-she had to stop drinking coffee because her blood pressure got dangerously high, so she moves on to drinking tea

-having a little garden in your backyard where the two of you grow different flowers and herbs to make and experiment with new tea leaves

-she’s sweet, but also retains her businesslike formality and becomes a respected member of the World for Women Entrepreneurs Organization, which she puts down as the first members of the RFA party every year

-cute old lesbian couple, going to every pride parade together and holding hands on the street because, even though she may have aged, her judo skills haven't

Yoosung

-sweet old man, the kind that will be there for every single family reunion, holiday, birthday and will spoil the kids rotten

-he buys a rocking chair to put on the porch, first ironically but he’s quick to change his mind, buying another one in order for the two of you to sit outside together, watching from the porch as your kids play in the yard

-he never loses his passion for cooking, and all the neighborhood kids, even if they aren't your own, line up for Grandpa Kims cooking

-the two of you essentially adopt the whole street of kids

-he stops dying his hair blonde, letting the brown grow back in

-he loves telling the story of how the two of you met, to the point where your kids will groan whenever he starts talking

-never really stops playing video games, and of course teaches all your guys’ kids how to play, however he gets extremely disappointed when your youngest chooses books over games (in a joking way)

-he’s the kind elder that might never really have “wisdom” but he’ll always make you feel better if you have a problem

-by the time the two of you reach 70, your house has become a place for stray animals and kids, not wanting anyone to feel the loneliness that he had when he was younger

Seven

-he never really gets past his trauma, although living with it becomes easier

-saeyoung never loses his childish sense of humor and happiness, making his the strangest elder on the block

-he’s the one all the kids want to have ice cream with

-he retires fairly early compared to the rest, saying that he needed time to focus on his family and on his life for once

-he ages well, but makes the biggest deal out of it when his hairline starts receding

-because of stress, his hair starts greying early, and he refuses to leave the bunker for a week straight, you having to coax his dramatic ass out by hiding all the HBC

-has crippling back pain and has to start using a cane by his mid forties. of course, everyone in the rya makes fun of him for it, but he just waves it threateningly at yoosung, laughing along

-takes daily walks with you to the park, over the lake and bridge, around the cherry blossom tree and back home

-he strives to be there for his children and grandchildren, loving and supporting them in a way his parents never did

-continues to play pranks and crack jokes throughout his life

-every wedding anniversary he decorates the bunker like a space station and you dance to every frank sinatra song ever recorded

-on your 60th wedding anniversary you take him to KARI (Korean Aerospace Research Institute) to look around, inspect the models, check calculations and try the zero gravity machine, and he cries

Zen

-does this man age? not necessarily

-he never stops acting, continuing to rise as televisions most popular actor, but in the end he moves back to theatre, where his passion truly lies

-you quit as his manager at some point to go follow your dreams, and he lets you know that he’s with you every step of the way no matter what

-he doesn’t become more humble as he ages, and can often be seen telling his kids about his amazing adventures from when he was younger

-his laugh lines do get incredibly deep, which he struggles with for a while until you finally step up and tell him that all it means is that he lived well, that he had a good time on this godforsaken planet and that he had a few good laughs

-the energy is broken when you poke your finger in his laugh line, giggling to yourself

-he loosens up on the strict diet, letting himself eat more sweets and fatty foods, but his stance on exercising stays the same

-the storyteller of the family, always calling the grandkids out to the backyard to tell them incredible stories of monsters and knights in shining armor and the beautiful princess

-domesticity out the roof

-doesn’t actually officially retire, but leaves the industry while he’s ahead, getting to enjoy his last few decades surrounded by a family he chose to make

-surprisingly he takes up crochet, likes the meticulous design and patience needed for it, even though he has none, its a good way to teach himself to be more patient

-refuses a cane and or walker his whole life and would “never be caught dead in one”

-at some point he lets his hair grow out all the way, not leaving the rat tail, rather just having long hair

-because of his good genes and extreme self care, he doesn’t lose much of his hair, to which he is grateful to. those wrinkles though....

V

- V, starts losing his sight because of age: ah shit here we go again

-he’s kind, the type of senior that will always help someone out, and picks up trash off of the ground

-volunteers at the local garden, helping with the sunflowers in particular

-never stops painting, insisting that he must paint you and any possible children at every stage of yours and their lives

-the trauma of Rikas abuse left him scarred, but he copes with it, going to therapy until the day he eventually dies

-cute old married couple number two, its impossible to go anywhere without hearing “V and his spouse,” the two of you are a package deal, his life would never have been the same without you, and you would never want to be anywhere else except besides him

-as similar of age as you guys may be to the RFA, the two of you absolutely adopt them, and as all your families expand, V makes it his mission to invite everyone Jumin and his spouse, Jaehee with hers etc etc and their respective children and children spouses,, grandchildren,,,

-he doesn’t talk about his past much, but is always willing to listen to the younguns problems and impart his knowledge

-the older he gets, the more sweaters he owns. is also partial to wearing suspenders over said sweaters

-he begins to fall in love with the environment the older he gets, ultimately starting multiple foundations to save the bees, oceans and various endangered species

-becomes a UN ambassador for a good few years, but resigns due to wanting to get back to his family and passions

-after marrying you he becomes quite content with his life, and he doesnt majorly change in any way

[mikami]

Death Note Audio Drama 09

Disc 9: Inherited Debt - a summary / partial translation

Prior translations / an explanation as to what the fuck this is.

SHIT FINALLY GOES DOWN. Mello and Near appear, Soichiro retires (or tries to) and L explores the afterlife!

_________

Feet on sand. Watari’s voice coming closer.

WATARI: Mr. L! Mr. L!

L: Watari... It’s you! Oh wow, I’m so glad to see you.

WATARI: Pleasure is all mine, Mr. L. It’s been so long.

L: This place is really badly organized. They never tell you anything.

WATARI: I know, I know... it’s been quite hard. I deduced a little and hoped... well, that I would find you here.

L: I’m sorry that it had to be under these circumstances. But look, I need to go someplace, still.

WATARI: The meetings usually start on the full hour.

L: Yeah, I don’t wanna be late. Are you going to wait here until I’m done?

WATARI (chuckles): Where else would I even go, sir?

_______

Bells ringing.

MAN: Sit down, please. I’ve got your file around here somewhere.

L: Am I late? Sorry if I’m late.

MAN: Oh, we’re all always late, Lawliet.

L: L. Please. People call me L.

MAN: Great. Yes. L. Aaah, there you are. Uh-huuuuh.... now look at all this paperwork. You’ve been really busy.

L: The devil finds work for idle hands.

MAN: Oh, really?  Uh-huh. I understand. Your case should have already been worked on a long while ago. Pardon the delay.

L: And here I still have so many things to do. I really need to get back to Tokyo, immediately.

MAN: Almost everyone still wants to take care of some things and there are ways of dealing with that. A lot of it will depend on your stamina and on how much you saved up.

L: Nobody ever explains anything around here.

MAN: I understand. Yes. You... slipped past us a little, because you... how should I put it? You were early. You came here before your time.

L: Oh, that explains a lot.

MAN: So... let’s start from the beginning, yes? Do you know where you are?`

L: Yeah?

MAN: And... you know who I am?

L: Yeah.

MAN: And... you also know you are dead.

L: Yes.

___________

TITLE MUSIC

___________

Many people talking.

MATSUDA: Do you want a drink?

SAYU: Already got one, thanks.

MATSUDA: Haha, maybe you need another.

SAYU: Thanks, I’m good.

MATSUDA: My name is Matsuda.

SAYU: I know. 

MATSUDA: Uh, and you...?

SAYU: You’ve always been nice, Matsuda, but, uh... you’re too old for me. And... I don’t date cops.

MATSUDA: But I didn’t say that I--- what is wrong with going out with a policeman?

SAYU: I don’t know... the long nights, waiting for a call, cancelled weekends...

MATSUDA: Uh... are you maybe a Yagami family member?

SAYU: That’s right.

MATSUDA: Oh my god! Sayu! It’s you! Sayu!

SAYU: You should have become a detective.

MATSUDA: Light’s little sister.... You’ve become... so mature.

SAYU: One of us had to.

Voices chattering. Soichiro is announced as a speaker.

SOICHIRO: Thank you, thank you all. I’m touched that so many of you made it here on this warm April evening.... just to say goodbye to an old inspector.

Cheering. Someone shouts “Free drinks certainly helped!”

SOICHIRO: I especially want to thank my wife Sachiko, who lied so coldbloodedly about why she wanted to go to a bar on a Thursday.

SACHIKO: I’m sorry, darling.

SOICHIRO: And my daughter Sayu, who is still sticking to my instructions to never marry a cop! So... hands off!

Laughter.

SOICHIRO: It’s now been 35 years since I finished my police training. Is Kitamura here, too? No? Well, alright. We didn’t always agree. Kitamura and I finished the academy together and he took the fastest path up into administration. And he took his hat and left, in the 30th year. I stayed. And most of you know it’s because of the special conditions of a very special case. That case still isn’t finished. That’s the reason I endured 5 further long years, to set the path for a young man, to give him time to finish the academy as well so he can take the poisoned baton from me. The Kira investigation. This man is my son.

SOMEONE: Nepotism!

Laughter.

SOICHIRO: Well nobody else wants the job! I’m sure he’d love to give it to you! Isn’t that right, son? I can be proud that my boy, my wonderful boy, is Detective Light Yagami now!

Cheering.

SOICHIRO: And if I’m still allowed, I’d like to take a short moment to remember those who aren’t lucky enough to be here today. It’s been a hard time, fighting this criminal who always did some unexpected turn, and the colleagues in our district have, perhaps more than others, had to deal with some very brutal murders. Not just comrades with a badge but also civilian investigators and friendly helpers. They all risked their lives and gave it. May God bless them. Here’s to absent friends.

___________

MAN: You don’t quite understand me, L. There is no such thing as an afterlife.

L: Where am I, then?

MAN: That is... complicated. You are... nowhere. You are... nothing. 

L: Are you trying to tell me all of this is a hallucination? Just a product of my neurons randomly firing while my brain is kicking the bucket?

MAN: Uh, no. 

L: I know a thing or two about movies. And you could turn this into a 90 minute thriller, but not for five years. I’ve been here for five years.

MAN: I’m not sure you can apply the experiences from a cinema one on one to what happens after death. 

L: Well.. you haven’t really helped me understand much yet.

MAN: Did it ever occur to you that you share some of the blame? What if this whole---

L: Pathetic bureaucracy?

MAN: Harsh words. But if it suits you. What if this whole...  bureaucracy was made up by your soul to deal with the dream of your own passing? How about that?

L: So I’ve got a soul...? Something that lasts beyond death?

MAN: Hm. Well...

L: Life. After death. Indeed.

MAN: You didn’t have many friends, am I right?

L: Excuse me?

MAN: Or how did you deal with being this smart?

L: What I really want to deal with, Mr...?

MAN: Justin.

L: Mr. Justin... is which options I have. What sense is there in justice and retribution? If you’re an official here, official for what? Who’s in power here? I know there are gods of death, and I know there’s a life after death, because that’s where I’m stuck right now, it seems.

JUSTIN: There is no life after death. Human existence ends in nothingness. 

L: And yet, I’m here. And so is Watari. And who are all these people lurking about outside? Why are those here?

JUSTIN: You’ve got a whole eternity to think about it, dear L.

L: Oh really? Do I now? Human life is finite and life after death is infinite? Am I immortal now?

JUSTIN: Exactly. You’re correct. It’s not my task to let myself be interrogated here.

L: And who’s task is it then? Where do I finally get answers?

__________

We hear someone talking to “Vladimir” in a friendly way. Very soon it becomes clear that it’s the US president speaking, a very obvious Trump parody. The thing is, I don’t take any joy in being reminded Trump exists, and this audio drama spends an extraordinary amount of time letting him talk. For my own sanity, I’m not going to actually translate those scenes in whole. If anyone REALLY wants to know what Death Note Audio Drama Trump is saying, I guess you can beg me for it? Just know that there is a lot of racism, sexism, and general being stupid. It’s exactly like you’d imagine Trump, really.

An exhausted secretary named Trevor tries to introduces Near to the president. Near succeeded Paula Virilio as SPK leader. Near has to explain the situation in baby-talk for the president to get it. But basically, they think Kira is still in Japan. In this verse, Near actually got all of L’s data and only the version in the task force was fully deleted. Near suspects that Kira is among the task force.

Near wants to act, now that Soichiro is retired. 

___________

Bar noises.

SACHIKO: Alright, darling. Did you already think about how you want to spend your retirement?

SOICHIRO: Not really, Sachiko. I was just too busy.

SACHIKO: For 35 years.

SOICHIRO: Very funny. I don’t know... it seems an eternity ago that we were young. 

His phone rings.

SACHIKO: Don’t you dare pick up. Not tonight.

SOICHIRO: It’s Kitamura. 

SACHIKO: Then give it to me. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.

She picks up.

SACHIKO: Koreyoshi Kitamura, you sad mutation of the human species. Was it really too much to ask to come to the goodbye party of my husband? After all you two went through over the years, you old rascal? If this is still about who I married, that’s been decades ago! Grow up! .... huh? Oh. I thought you were... Yes, er, this is his phone, but... Uh. Right. 

SOICHIRO: Who is that?

SACHIKO: Oh my god, no. No! You better talk to my husband about this. N-no, he’s right next to--- Don’t hang up! Don’t!

SOICHIRO: What’s wrong? Is he alright? 

SACHIKO: What is a Death Note....?

___________

Kitamura talks to Mello, while he is tied to a chair. Mello introduces himself as M. He asks about the Kira case, but Kitamura doesn’t know much of use. Because this is an audio drama and the audience needs to know what’s up, Mello just randomly explains the concept of Wammy’s House to Kitamura. 

__________

L: Looks like rain. As if there was a storm coming.

WATARI: But it will never come. It only feels like it, the whole time. Another strange aspect of this place. 

L: I’ll have to be back soon. When exactly?

WATARI: I don’t know, Mr. L. Time moves differently here. People stand around, they wait. Some are playing cards. I’m especially sorry for the young ones. 

L: Who?

WATARI: The millenials. They come here and they’re totally lost without their cell phones. They just hang around like... zombies. 

L: But not you, right Watari? You’re always busy. Keep the old brain moving, right?

WATARI: Well, Mr L, I gave my best to put the puzzle pieces together correctly. But it’s difficult.

L: Are there TVs here? Computers?

WATARI: Nothing like that. The only hints I can get come from other people who made the passage.

L: Oh, good. What did you find out?

WATARI: You and me... we were killed.

L: I got that part.

WATARI: I think it was because we got closer and closer to the truth. 

L: Well, that makes sense. What happened in the five years since?

WATARI: Wendy had an accident with her motorbike. Ivor died of liver cancer. The whole group of Yotsuba executives just dropped dead. All at the same time.

L: Someone did his homework.

WATARI: My thoughts exactly.

L: Kira is still active. The task force, who is leading that now?

WATARI: What do you think?

________

More attempts to explain the situation to Trump. They explain someone has been faking to be L. 

________

Kitamura has been kidnapped, but despite just having retired, Soichiro wants to stay and work on the case anyway. The kidnappers are asking for the Death Note in return. 

_________

Mello accuses Kitamura of having been really fucking shit at handling the Kira case. He apparently looked at all the security camera material from HQ. He plays a recording from it that shows L.

L: You’re looking sad, Rem. Even more so than usual. What’s up? ..... Oh really, that’s it? Why did it take you so long?

For Kitamura, L is alone in the recording, so L is alone with Rem. We then flash back to the scene.

_____________

L: Did you come for me, Rem?

REM: I did not come to take life, but to gift it. 

L: To me?

REM: No, you have to die. And by defying fate, I’ll be destroyed.

L: Not dead? You said ‘destroyed’ as if total annihilation was a state equaling death. 

REM: These are the final seconds of your life L, prepare yourself. 

L: Prepare for what? Your existence along already implies that death isn’t the end for me. Your hesitation meanwhile implies that destruction is definitely your end. 

REM: I... I don’t know.

L: You spend your eternity feeding off the life of others. As long as you take life, you’ll live forever. But you’ll put an end to your existence today, just to stop me?

REM: Yes, I will.

L: Just, why? 

REM: Out of love.

L (laughs): Love? Love is the power that brings a goddess of death to her knees?

REM: Don’t mock me, L. Don’t you dare! 

L: You’re in love? You know I am very close to ending the case. 

REM: She sacrificed so much for him. This is the only way to restore her lifespan and guarantee her safety. 

L: The price is paid in human lives. The Death Note has a price... for her. I was right then. It was her. And she gave something up for the man she loves. And that can only---

Beeping.

REM: What’s that?

L: The emergency data transmission. It’s only activated when Watari is in danger. 

REM: He had to pass as well.

L: What?! The old man never even hurt a fly! He was a good person!

REM: He was just about to bring the evidence.

L: It’s just as I expected... The identity of the two Kiras... I was right!

REM: Your time is up. I have to kill you now and give my remaining time to her. 

L: I was right, do you hear that?! I was--- 

Glass shattering, falling noises.

_____________

Near also has this video, he points out sand falling on the video. He assumes that’s the death of a shinigami. 

_____________

The kidnappers call Soichiro again. When Soichiro refuses to give the notebook, they shoot Kitamura live on the phone. 

They already have Sayu present as a backup hostage too. 

______________

WATARI: I knew it was a heart attack. And I knew I was being discarded. It was all I could do to press the emergency button. And I could still hear the alarm, I knew it worked.

L: So you deleted all data and transferred it to Winchester. 

WATARI: Mister Ruvie should have received them. And he surely knew how to interpret the circumstances.

L: Do we know what he did with that? Were my successors already ready?

WATARI: I am... not sure about that.

L: I’m sure you had someone in mind. You talked about a replacement for me time and time again.

WATARI: There were several candidates, yes. But the older one... was a little problematic. I am not sure he’s got the right personality.

L: And the younger one?

WATARI: Yes, he could have taken the responsibilities. But he really was so very young. I am not sure if he was ready.

L: I have to go back.

WATARI: We can’t go back. Death is a one-way street.

L: Is that really true?

_______________

Misa and Light on a phonecall. Misa suggests killing Sayu, so that Soichiro won’t exchange the notebook. Light refuses this. They have a longer debate about this, where Misa points out that they can’t let the notebook fall into the wrong hands, but Light remains in refusal.

______________

Near, out of breath, arrives at the task force headquarters.

NEAR: I’m here to talk to chief inspector Yagami.

LIGHT: I am Yagami.

NEAR: Really? Is today open day and everyone’s bringing their children?

LIGHT: Looks like. And whose child are you?

NEAR: Call me Near. We just got here from the US.

LIGHT: Of course. I immediately noticed your subtle and humble approach. CIA?

NEAR: CIA, FBI, NSA, whatever you want. We’re a unity spanning through all organizations and we follow the same goals as you. 

Near explains that he replaced Virilio on her job and he’s very arrogant about it all. Light also remarks on that. The conversation is then interrupted by a call that Soichiro stole the notebook to do the exchange on his own.

Near then talks his way into cooperation in this case.

____________

We now follow Soichiro as he goes to the place of exchange, which is now conveniently just still in Japan. It’s in Nagasaki.

____________

Light introduces Near to the task force. They are tracking Soichiro via GPS. They decide to send a drone to Nagasaki, so they have a visual feed of the exchange when it happens.

____________

Shidoh approaches Justin to ask about his Death Note. Justin deduces that it’s the one Kira is using on Earth. He stills Shidoh to go to L, because L can help him find the notebook.

_____________

Near is still flying a drone to follow Soichiro, amazing.. Light is contacting Nagasaki police. The whole exchange sequence is pretty long and not really relevant, it’s just a whole lot of description on who is where when.

Mello also uses a drone to bring the notebook away. The gangster who wasn’t killed in a notebook test gets arrested. 

____________

The gangster gets interrogated by Matsuda, but nothing really comes out of it. Light and Near talk about it and the gangster’s file.

The gangster is part of the Kinzangumi. They’re California-based organized crime with Japanese roots.

A lawyer named Yumi Hosoda waltzes into the interrogation. She’s a lawyer of the Kinzangumi. She argues with Matsuda and her lawyering gets him freed. Her arguing style makes clear that she knows of the Death Note, because her argument style relies on knowing the task force will never bring the notebook up.

Near brings up Mello’s status as a “prototype” successor, who in the end did not meet expectations, thus establishing Mello as a suspect. We then launch into a flashback.

_____________

ROGER: I didn’t say “come in”.

MELLO: I didn’t knock.

He comes in and closes the door.

MELLO: When were you going to tell me?

ROGER: Tell you what?

MELLO: That Watari is dead.

ROGER: Who told you that?

MELLO: A system crash that killed the servers for exactly 24 hours. That only happens if someone presses the emergency button.

ROGER: ....yes. It seems like our patron was killed yesterday.

MELLO: That means L is gone, too. Time for me to take over. 

ROGER: Mello, I’m sorry, my boy.

MELLO: Here it comes.

ROGER: Well, this is a longer conversation, that we will have at another time.

MELLO: We’re having this conversation exactly now. 

ROGER: ... mhmm... Near will take over. 

MELLO: He’s still a child, he didn’t even notice the download!

ROGER: He simply proved himself appropriate for this task. He’s showing greater promise.

MELLO: You mean he just absorbs everything, waiting for orders so he knows what to do. That’s why I’m standing here now and he isn’t.

ROGER: I’m sorry, Mello.

MELLO: My whole life I’ve been trained for this moment, my whole life I’ve been the golden boy, before this little punk showed up-

ROGER: There are many other tasks you can fulfill. I’m sure we’ll find a position for you that is appropriate for your talents.

MELLO: I already had a position! I was supposed to be the next L! And now I should give that up for this little boy? I’m not letting myself be degraded to an errand boy. 

ROGER: Exactly this attitude is a part of the problem, if I’m honest.

MELLO: No. You are the problem. You and Watari. You never saw it. You’re wasting your time trying to bow to the system, to respect the law. If you want to catch Kira, you have to play by his rules.

ROGER: I was afraid you’d say something like that...

MELLO:  You can be afraid, Ruvie. I’m out. And I’m taking the data with me.

ROGER: They’re worthless to you. It’s going to take years to work through them.

MELLO: Then golden boy will at least be busy.

ROGER: Don’t let things end like this.

MELLO: It’s your end, Ruvie. You made this happen. 

ROGER: Near will be the new L.

MELLO: Yeah, maybe. And I’ll be the special edition, who doesn’t play the same game as everyone else. Go ahead, send the child to find L’s killer. I’ll be there first, you’ll see.

ROGER: But what’s the cost, Mello?

MELLO: Whatever it takes. 

[staircasttext]

Ep 07 Transcript: A Lawless, Bloodly Time

Episode 7

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And joining us today, we have a special guest.

ALIX: Hi, I'm Alix.

PAZ: Very excited to have another Warriors expert, Alix, on the podcast.

ALIX: I'm so happy to be here. This is my favorite podcast.

PAZ: Why, thank you. Yeah, so we're all here today with a guest to do like a wrap up episode on Into the Wild cause I think it would be fun, and love to hear from other former Warriors fans and--

ALIX: I'm a current Warriors fan. Excuse you.

PAZ: Yeah. We're-- I don't know. What's the word for when you get back into something? I don't know. We're in it again.

JULIAN: Returning fans.

ALIX: The lapsed fans. Reformed. Reborn.

PAZ: Mm... no?

ALIX: Born again.

JULIAN: Resurrected.

PAZ: Baptized in the waters of RiverClan.

JULIAN: We've done it again, everyone. Fireheart has become Catholic.

PAZ: No. How does this keep happening? We've only been recording for like, two minutes. God. Okay. Um, yes, this is our Into the Wild recap, retrospective episode. But to start, I think we should, you know, get to hear from Alix, like what your relationship to Warriors is.

ALIX: Yeah, so I read these when I was a kid. Probably from when I was something like eight years old. So I don't actually remember how I got into these books. But they were my first major obsession. And I would, you know, tell anybody who would listen about them. I would draw little family trees. I would play Warrior Cats with my sister in the field near our house. Yeah, I love these books. And I started reading them again because of the podcast. And they're good. They're like, legit good.

LIZ: They are.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, it's like beyond even just the nostalgia factor. Like I'm very much enjoying these books.

ALIX: Yeah, these were the first thing that ever got me to go on fanfiction.net.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Although I never posted any Warriors fanfiction, I read a lot of it and commented on various, you know, like OC adventures. And I got, you know, a random kit named after my second name, which was fun.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: I also read some Warriors fanfic on fanfic.net. And it was always like, OC. I never read any fanfic, like, featuring just the original characters. I don't know.

ALIX: I don't think I did either.

PAZ: I'll have to look back on.

ALIX: But you know, that's how I kind of got into fanfiction and then I started posting Maximum Ride fanfiction eventually.

JULIAN: A natural transition.

ALIX: Yep. You know, from cats to kids with wings.

PAZ: I also, yeah.

ALIX: And then, you know, I've been in fandom for like 13 years now. And it's how I met all of you guys. So I think it's a good thing that Warriors has done for me.

PAZ: Thank you, Warriors.

ALIX: Thank you Warriors.

LIZ: Warriors, bringing us again together in these dark times.

JULIAN: In this, the darkest hour.

PAZ: In these unprecedented times. Well, I'm very excited to have you on the podcast. But, you know, since you're our guest here, I thought maybe we could quiz you on the book to make sure you're really like up to par for the--

ALIX: To be on the show?

PAZ: Yeah, to be on this show, this very like, well-researched, dedicated show.

ALIX: Well, thank god, you know, I was hoping you wouldn't just let just anyone on the show. Only verified Warrior Cats experts.

PAZ: Yeah, we have to vet you. So luckily there is a quiz on warriorcats.com. An official quiz, How Well Do You Know Into the Wild? So get ready.

ALIX: Do you want me to take it, or do you want me to answer it and then you can put in the answers for me?

PAZ: Yeah, you can answer and we'll read it out.

ALIX: Okay.

PAZ: Okay, you ready?

ALIX: I'm ready. I have my copy of Into the Wild here, but I won't cheat.

PAZ: No cheating. Please, book away.

JULIAN: This is a closed book test.

ALIX: Of course.

PAZ: Who first received the prophecy about fire? A, Bluestar, B, Oakheart, C, Rusty, D, Tigerclaw, or E, Spottedleaf. Oh,

ALIX: I believe it was Spottedleaf?

PAZ: Okay, I think you're right.

ALIX: It's between that and Bluestar. I think they talk about it for sure.

PAZ: Aw, I think you only get to see at the end.

ALIX: Well, okay.

PAZ: We'll see. I think you're right. What was Firepaw's name when he was a kittypet?

ALIX: Okay, quiz.

PAZ: A, Smokey, B, Smudge, C, Henry, D, Rusty, E, Blaze.

ALIX: I'm going to say Rusty.

LIZ: Blaze...

ALIX: God I wish his name was Blaze.

JULIAN: Justice for Henry.

PAZ: Who becomes deputy immediately after Redtail? A, Lionheart, B, Whitestorm, C, Tigerclaw, D, Firepaw, E, Mousefur. That'd be incredible.

LIZ: This baby is my deputy.

ALIX: It is Lionheart.

PAZ: Yes. Okay.

ALIX: I feel like Mousefur only shows up in one scene.

PAZ: Yeah, Mousefur is not really in this book. What happens when Bluestar's patrol passes through the barn on the way back to camp? A, Barley betrays them. B, rats attack them. C, the dogs get loose and attack them. D, they pass through the barn peacefully. E, Firepaw stays with Barley and lives as a loner. That's some AU fanfic.

ALIX: Yeah, that would be a twist. Well, the answer is that rats attack them, and Bluestar loses a life.

PAZ: They sure fucking do.

ALIX: Barley would never betray them.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: This quiz offends me.

PAZ: That's homophobic frankly.

ALIX: Honestly.

PAZ: Who does Ravenpaw claim killed Redtail? A, Oakheart, B, Tigerclaw, C, himself.

[laughter]

D, Bluestar.

LIZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

PAZ: He did.

ALIX: Is there an E?

PAZ: E, Whitestorm.

ALIX: It is Tigerclaw and I would just want to say, claim? Like what is this, like a news headline?

PAZ: Tigerclaw wrote this quiz.

JULIAN: It's important to show both sides.

PAZ: Snopes.com article. Number six. What are Firepaw and Graypaw's warrior names? A. Aw, there's some good ones here.

ALIX: A, Bananaear and Susanclaw.

PAZ: Firestorm and Graycloud.

ALIX: Ooh.

PAZ: Fireleaf and Graystream, Firedusk and Graycreek, Fireheart and Graystripe, or Firefur and Graytail.

ALIX: Wow. I'm going to say Fireheart and Graystripe but these are all have really powerful energy.

JULIAN: I'm really partial to Firedusk and Graycreek. They have like really chaotic energy.

PAZ: Yeah, Graycreek is hard to pronounce. I just want to say gay. Gaycreek.

ALIX: Gaycreek.

PAZ: Cause with the two R's in there, it's too much.

ALIX: Yeah. It is Gay Creek.

PAZ: Well, Alix, you got six out of six. Well done.

LIZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: You can count yourself among the true masters of all things warriors.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: If you get a six out of six, I think you just become the new podcast host. Sorry, guys.

ALIX: Yeah, welcome to my podcast, Stairway to Starclan. I have three guests this week.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: It's an honor to be here.

JULIAN: Alix has pulled a Tigerclaw.

LIZ: That's why. They're a real fan.

ALIX: I'm so glad all my studying paid off. I'm still laughing at that centrist question. I wonder how well I could have answered these questions before I reread the book recently. I feel like I might have gotten tripped up on the prophecy one.

PAZ: Yeah. The official website is so hard because you can't just sort by, like quizzes or anything. Maybe you can. It's tagged quiz, but I don't know how to see tags. I don't know. The website is a mess. It loads like, so slow also.

JULIAN: It's very slick looking. But I feel like they put a lot of effort into the design and not a lot of effort into like, the back end.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Too bad.

PAZ: It's too powerful, too, and not, like--

LIZ: Done?

PAZ: I forgot the gamer term I was gonna-- well-optimized. Yeah, so now that we all know we know Into the Wild very well and by heart, yeah, like, in retrospect, like, what do we want to say about it and like, what-- I don't know, like, what new things did we learn? Like, I guess to the returning fans.

ALIX: I thought I was-- I had this idea in my head that training took like, he started at six moons, and it takes exactly six moons, but I forgot that it's just like, whenever Bluestar decides you're done.

PAZ: Yeah, it is like that.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also remembered training being a lot longer, I think because like, when I was doing roleplay, training was such a big part of it. And it was such like a structured-- because you had to get like a certain number of posts to become a warrior. So there was a lot of just like, Oh, I'm gonna write my training posts. I hope my friend who's already a warrior will pretend to teach me to hunt.

PAZ: I feel like maybe some of the later books spend longer on the training. I feel like there's a lot of like, timeskips off screen during this. Because it was at least a couple of months.

ALIX: I think you guys are saying like, they originally planned this to be one book.

PAZ: Yeah.

ALIX: And you can definitely tell that they were, you know, they're kind of trying to sort of usher Fireheart through the whole, like, warriors process fairly quickly, even if it's six books instead of one.

PAZ: Yeah, cause I don't know, maybe I might be misremembering, but I feel like in the Power of Three, they're apprentices for, like, at least more than one book because they, I mean, they start out as kits.

JULIAN: Yeah, I definitely thought that Fireheart didn't become a warrior until book two. So realizing that he's like a warrior at the end of book one was a surprise to me.

PAZ: Yeah, he feels so small.

JULIAN: He's just a little guy.

ALIX: And justice for Sandpaw and Dustpaw.

PAZ: Oh, my God. I know.

ALIX: Like, sure, they're kind of bullies. But like, that doesn't mean you get to like fail them out of high school.

PAZ: They're super seniors now. You know, yeah. Honestly, though, it seems like a lot of clans it's just like, whatever the leader wants is how the rules work, apparently.

ALIX: Yeah, damn.

PAZ: I don't-- no, the leaders don't get elected either. It's just like, whoever fucking was deputy.

ALIX: Yeah. They get elected by the former leader through nepotism.

PAZ: Through nepotism. Yeah, the society. It's unreal.

JULIAN: Feral cats, I have concerns about your societal structure. I think you should get a parliament going.

ALIX: Truly.

LIZ: And the nepotism that we're presented with is better than the straight up just like monarchy in ShadowClan, right? The options you have here. They're so-- they're grim.

PAZ: Well, I hope ShadowClan gets over that monarchy thing. Get well soon. But I guess what I got out of this book is I like Firepaw more than I did as a kid when I thought he was too boring and didn't continue reading. I think he's endearing as like a dumb little little guy. You know, I have appreciation for like, like, loves their friend shonen protag archetype now.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: I feel like I came to these books off of Redwall as a kid. And so I was so-- Redwall is full of like, really, really stupid protagonists. So I was primed to appreciate like a little himbo who loves his friends and wants to do what's right and good. Yeah, but I love him. I was worried I wouldn't like him as much the second time around, and I do. He's a sweet little boy.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to see how reading the first series in which he is the protagonist will color my rereadings of the later books, because when I was reading the series for the first time, he was just like another NPC essentially. And like I vaguely knew, like, what was up with his story, but I think I'll be more emotionally attached to some of the scenes he gets in like later books now.

ALIX: I do think like this, this book reminded me like how extremely appealing they make the whole Warriors way of life. Like it really is something you want to fantasize about being, even though they're like a bunch of like stinky cats in the woods. I still, like as a 23 year old, I'm like, damn, I wish I could get out there and sleep in a bush and walk on a log. You know?

PAZ: Yeah. I remember loving the descriptions of the camp in the later books so much. And it's like yes, I do want to sleep in like a little cave with moss. I do.

ALIX: Every time me and my sister would go camping or something or just, you know, go to some area that had like, that was natural, we would always try to find a cat camp and be like, Okay, this is like where the leader would make announcements. This is where the medicine cat would sleep.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: It was a very fun activity that I recommend anytime you're in the woods.

LIZ: All right, make a note everybody.

JULIAN: Next time I go on one of my silly little walks.

LIZ: We're gonna get to a Patreon tier, and it's called going to camp in the woods and be cats.

PAZ: We're gonna LARP for money?

LIZ: Yes.

ALIX: #makeCrabClanReal.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: I'll pay for it. Listen, I'll sign up.

LIZ: We will set up our own society.

ALIX: And just live there?

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Great.

PAZ: I think we're just reinventing like utopian communes of the 70s.

JULIAN: I was gonna say, yeah.

ALIX: But were they based off a middle grade book? I don't think so.

JULIAN: Patreon tier, Staircast invents a cult.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Oh god.

ALIX: Liz, I'm so like, curious if there was anything that you thought was going to happen in this book that didn't?

LIZ: I thought that they were going to get Tigerclaw like instantly at the end, and that would be it.

ALIX: Right.

LIZ: They did not. Understandably. I just felt like they would. But um yeah, I know that he's like, going to be around for a while, just given like--

PAZ: Yeah, sorry.

LIZ: --name changes that I've seen.

PAZ: I haven't censored his, uh, yeah. Look away. Cover your ears.

LIZ: Alright, closing my eyes. Someone has to stop the Audacity file for me. Um, yeah, I don't know. I went into this just knowing nothing, except that there would be little guys and I liked it a lot. And yeah, I was-- saying I was surprised that it was so engagingly written sounds condescending. But like, I just didn't expect to be so invested. And it is like, storywise very, like solidly crafted. There's some good plot beats. Course I love the characters because they are just little guys. I do want to just take a nap in some moss even though it's probably real stinky.

ALIX: Here's my question. When do you think they are going to get Tigerclaw? Like in what book out of six? Or like, you know, I don't know, if perhaps he continues on past the first series?

LIZ: I don't know. The way you phrase that made me real suspicious. At the end of the next series?

ALIX: Whoa.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Ooh.

ALIX: Interesting.

JULIAN: Some real longevity on this guy.

LIZ: Well, I'm putting a real slow, slow game here. Like a slow bet. None of these terms are real, I think. I'm getting safer with the predictions because just right away did not work.

ALIX: Yeah, I mean, that's a good point. Like he could have, really easily been like, villain of the week.

PAZ: Yeah, he could have. Yeah, that's kind of what-- well I guess Brokenstar wasn't really onscreen that much. But he had more of a villain of the week vibe. But I don't know. He's still out there somewhere. The ShadowClan stuff is very off screen, which is kinda funny.

JULIAN: Yeah, I liked it. But I kind of wish there had been more focus on it. I know it's hard to kind of keep two antagonists going.

PAZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: But it felt like it was very, like it was all at the end there.

PAZ: Yeah. I guess I tried to, like, weave it in through Yellowfang. Which was like an interesting choice. It wasn't totally out of the blue, but definitely like it felt like-- you'd like expected it to like-- the climax to like center on Tigerclaw. And then it swerved and it was like actually, ShadowClan's like, fucked up monarchy situation.

ALIX: It's-- okay. I can't say this because of spoilers, but I'm mad about it.

LIZ: Hold on. I'll close my ears. And then you can say it.

PAZ: No.

ALIX: I will not say it. I will say it in our Warrior Cats spoiler chat later.

LIZ: I'll get in there someday.

JULIAN: You will.

PAZ: I think we can let you in there once we finish the Power of Three because that's up to where all of us read.

JULIAN: There's not really-- like, if there's spoilers for later books, it's not because we read them.

PAZ: I've been spoiling myself for later books. I don't care. Just clicking around.

LIZ: Reckless.

PAZ: I mean, I guess a pleasant surprise for me was finding out there's gay cats, canonically.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was really nice.

PAZ: I didn't know that.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I mean, even if it's kind of like, wink wink, nudge nudge because the publisher won't let it be explicitly said, I guess, from what I've read, but it made me very happy.

ALIX: Yeah. I think this book has really surprisingly complex characters in at least like Yellowfang and Ravenpaw.

PAZ: Yeah, they're definitely my two favorite characters of this book.

ALIX: The gay ones.

PAZ: Yeah. Love Barley, too. Of course.

LIZ: I did quickly google, are there gay owls in Gahoole, and the answer seems to be no. So Warrior Cats, you've got one thing. You've got several things over that right now.

ALIX: I mean, the cats aren't blacksmiths, which is a disappointment, but I guess, you know, if you're gay don't have time to be blacksmiths.

LIZ: You don't need a blacksmith if you're gay.

PAZ: No, you don't. It's just vibes.

ALIX: Just vibe.

PAZ: I'm excited to get to the other gay character so we can talk about him also.

ALIX: Oh, yes. We need lesbian cats.

PAZ: Yeah. That seems to be lacking. I hope they get on that.

JULIAN: Some wlw representation please.

PAZ: Please. I am excited for the New Prophecy where like the Leafpool and Moth... Wait, who is it? God.

ALIX: Mothwing?

PAZ: Mothwing, Yeah, I know lots of people shipped them, and I think as a child I didn't--

ALIX: You got the vibe?

PAZ: --notice anything so. I want those vibes on that reread.

ALIX: Yeah. Another interesting thing I think is that, um, I think it becomes very explicit later that StarClan is real and tangible. But like, I was surprised that in this book, like, I mean, there's like the whole like, Moonstone prophecy thing, but like StarClan seems much less like, there, if that makes sense.

PAZ: Yeah, like, as Julian noted in the first episode, I feel like it gets more magical, like with each passing series.

JULIAN: Yeah. My memory of like, the first episode, or the first series is very much like StarClan is there but like, as a religious force, and not as like an actual entity with power in the world.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. I mean, even in this book, it can be kind of ambiguous because like, with, like the Bluestar nine lives things, it could reasonably be read like she just got injured really bad.

ALIX: She's just cool and strong.

PAZ: But yeah, StarClan gets real involved later.

JULIAN: Her nine girlboss lives.

ALIX: All girlbosses have nine lives.

LIZ: The StarClan thing is surprising to hear about as to what happens later on because, like, for me going in, it seems to be just like placement as religion I guess. It's like the system of spirituality for me. That's the impression that I got from this book. So seeing that it's-- I'm assuming like, actual StarClan cats are gonna show up. That's like, very interesting.

ALIX: I mean, even I haven't kind of gotten to where it becomes way more of a plot point, I think.

PAZ: From what I've read of spoilers of the later seasons, it really just escalates. Which is very funny. But I guess they also like, built in a system in which to have characters come back, if you just have this like dead cat group hanging around.

ALIX: Like Spottedleaf, who dies so fast.

PAZ: Oh, my god, that was another thing.

LIZ: I mean, it was very sudden. I also didn't expect that.

ALIX: People kinda die left and right in this book.

PAZ: Yeah, that's so true.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's one thing I didn't remember is like, I remembered them being like, very, you know, battle-focused and whatever. But I did not remember how easily characters die, and how many characters die, and like how violent they are. Which I think is partly like, as a kid you don't really conceive of violence as like a real thing as much. And then, like, you're reading about these cats, like tearing each other's throats out as an adult. It's like, Oh, geez.

PAZ: Yeah, and this book was not even, like, nowhere near that levels of violence that show up later.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah. No.

ALIX: But they just like introduce and kill characters so fast and this and I feel like that doesn't really continue.

PAZ: Yeah, that might be like a byproduct of them thinking this would be the only series or even like, initially one book. Cause I think even after this expanded into a series, they thought it'd just be like one standalone series. They didn't think it would keep going. So they're probably like, way less precious with characters.

ALIX: Goodbye, Lionheart. Goodbye, Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Pour one out.

ALIX: Do we feel-- I forget if you guys talked about like whether or not Spottedleaf is like fridged wife trope.

PAZ: No, we didn't. Partially because like in this book, it really doesn't-- I mean, it doesn't feel like a romance. And I don't think it should. It feels very much like baby's first crush on like older person who is not getting involved in any way.

ALIX: Gives him herbs.

PAZ: Gives him herbs. Yeah, classic trope.

LIZ: Yeah, it feels like, when she actually dies, it's like a kind of a growing up moment, almost like, oh, something got real. And this person who I just had like a regular crush on, got caught in the crossfire. Not that cats have guns.

ALIX: God, I hope not.

PAZ: It doesn't linger on it very long. Although from what I know of Fire and Ice, I think it revisits that plot point. But yeah, in this book, it felt very like unimportant, in a way.

ALIX: He doesn't spend a lot of time going, oh no, but if Spottedleaf had lived, then we would have been mates. He's just like, this is sad.

PAZ: No, yeah. Which is fine. Because she was definitely like, presented as an older figure. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah. I think we get more into, like, how he feels about that in the later books, where he does some processing. He also hasn't had any time to really have any feelings. Not that I think of him as like a real emotional cat. But, you know, it's been-- he's had a busy couple days.

ALIX: He hasn't had time to tell Bluestar.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: I was gonna say, there's not much like internal self reflection, or like thoughts in this book. And yeah, there's no thoughts going on in that head at all. Also, just like, I don't need to tell Bluestar.

ALIX: He is no thoughts head empty.

PAZ: I mean, that's like one of the ways you can like-- if you've read other books, you can kind of like feel how this is like the first book because I do feel like, in some way the characters have less like, complex inner lives, in a way where like, personal drama and angst becomes very central in later books.

ALIX: Yeah, if this were a later cat, I feel like he would be way sadder than he is at any point in this book.

PAZ: Yeah. For sure.

ALIX: He's just happy to be here.

JULIAN: He's just vibing.

PAZ: He really loves being a little wildcat. He loves that he kept his balls.

JULIAN: Okay, yeah, no, that's the main thing that I don't remember from when I was a child.

PAZ: Oh god, yeah.

JULIAN: Revisiting these is like, Oh, yeah, okay, there's a lot of focus on whether cats are intact or not.

ALIX: You said intact like as if they were a virgin.

JULIAN: That's what they call it with like horses. Where it's like--

LIZ: Do they? Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, where it's like an intact stallion.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Ugh, that's weird.

JULIAN: I know, it's really awful.

ALIX: I never was into horses. So.

PAZ: I was, but not-- I didn't care about that stuff.

LIZ: I also was, but I didn't know anything about them, and I kept not knowing anything about them the whole time I was interested in them. I read Black Beauty and like, the book said that he was like a gelding and I was like, what's that? I'm not gonna pay attention.

ALIX: I read a lot of different horse books.

LIZ: Must be a different horse.

ALIX: And they'd be like, oh, this is a gelding. And I'm like, is that a type of horse? Cool. Smiley face. Let's move on.

JULIAN: I had a lot of friends who actually rode and like, either owned horses or like, lived on working farms.

PAZ: Yeah, my aunt owned horses, but I don't know. I wasn't that involved. She didn't like teach me horse facts or anything. I just got to ride on a horse sometimes.

LIZ: We really are just like, wow, cool horse.

PAZ: Yeah, the ball focus is so funny. And it really truly is the basis of the entire series.

ALIX: Yeah. I cannot wait for you guys to get to a specific point in the next book which relates to this.

PAZ: Oh boy.

JULIAN: I feel like the reproductive politics of these books are very interesting. And I'm like--

ALIX: They are.

JULIAN: --interested or like, excited to like, talk more about their whole situation.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of points that I am, like, I guess excited or, like, look forward to talking more about or like, like, being able to do that. Also like ableism in Warrior Cats is a topic I know I want to be able to address later like, once that comes up, cause that's a big issue. But also like--

ALIX: Good news. Comes up very fast.

PAZ: Whoo. Oh boy.

JULIAN: Yay.

PAZ: But yeah, also just like to continue to look into the, like, gender, family, reproductive politics going on here.

ALIX: At least it isn't fully like a you got to be married with kids type thing. I feel like it's more than anything emphasizing letting people make their own choices.

PAZ: Yeah, for sure.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like, there are a lot of like, female cats who are like, medicine cat or warriors or whatever.

PAZ: Yeah. It is very funny though, that one of your roles in society is just pregnant.

ALIX: I was thinking about this. I was like, I know that there's some queens who just like stay in the nursery to help out the other queens, even if they don't have kits at the time. And I was like, do they let male cats do that? Because I feel like they should.

PAZ: They should. I mean, I guess in that way, there is an aspect of communal parenting, like it's not as focused on nuclear families, which is nice to see.

JULIAN: Everybody cares for the kits.

ALIX: Yeah, it's really not at all, because like, I think they retconned a lot of people into being siblings and related. But I think the whole point of the first book is like, you know, find your chosen family. And people care a lot more about their mentors than their parents.

JULIAN: Yeah, like people's parents-- at least in the first book-- kind of don't matter.

PAZ: Yeah, they're non-existent.

ALIX: It's also the like, middle grade thing of like, we want to make young characters but then just get parents out of the way so they're an orphan or they're a cat. The two genders, orphan or cat.

LIZ: Oh since we like mentioned medicine cats as a status? Role? Whatever, just now. I want to say like, I wasn't surprised that there was only one because that tends to be a thing, but I think that they should have more than one doctor for their whole society. Seems like a-- they're taking some risks here.

PAZ: Yeah, as a kid I did not question that. I never had one thought of like why aren't there more doctors?

ALIX: I feel like there should be like five, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. Like your whole society is based around fighting other cats.

ALIX: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: You need to have more healers.

PAZ: So weird.

JULIAN: Your party's wildly unbalanced.

LIZ: Everyone is DPS but Spottedleaf.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah, I didn't think about that till you brought it up, Liz. But that is an important point. It's also like the medicine cats are like both doctors and like spiritual leaders. Um, which is like, you know, not that uncommon, I think.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I saw an interview or something somewhere where they mentioned medicine women and like, that, like that kind of trope tying into like medicine cats. Yeah, but you can see that I guess. I mean, as like with the problems with that trope and stuff, but yeah.

ALIX: But there still should be like five.

PAZ: There still should be, yes.

LIZ: Did Spottedleaf even have an apprentice?

PAZ: No.

ALIX: No.

LIZ: Cause she was kind of young, right? So like hey, your society already has a problem with dying young, so I don't know. I think some more thought should go into this.

PAZ: I don't know what they were planning to do if Yellowfang hadn't happened to be there.

ALIX: I feel like-- yeah. No, this is from fanfiction. But maybe it comes up later, but like I was reading a fic where again, like the medicine cat dies and there's no apprentice, and like, they just like wait for like a sign from StarClan as to like which warrior now becomes the medicine cat.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: But I feel like you would miss out on so many... like so much knowledge. What are you going to do, go ask another medicine cat like, which herb does what? Just rely on dreams? What's going on?

LIZ: Well, can you imagine sharing vital medical knowledge from other cats with other cats?

JULIAN: Well, and they can't write anything down. It's all oral tradition. So like, if you don't have that continuity of oral tradition, everything is lost.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: I guess they don't lose anything because they're around forever in heaven. But also, do you just get trained at night by a dead medicine cat in your dreams?

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: You get like a dream DM and it's just like, the ghost of Spottedleaf being like, Hey, wake up.

JULIAN: You up?

ALIX: I'm just thinking of that one meme where somebody is spraying somebody with fire to wake them up. Hey, wake up. Fire will save the clan.

JULIAN: I feel like, you know, even if you can have your ghost mentor, there's some stuff it's helpful to have a hands on demonstration of, or pawson.

ALIX: Yeah. How do you know the technique for fucking biting tit. Ticks.

[laughter]

JULIAN: Yeah?

ALIX: But also, wait, hold on. Like why if they all remember everything, have they not made great strides in medical advancement?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

PAZ: Yeah, that limits them in a lot of ways.

ALIX: I guess.

LIZ: They technically know everything, but their memory is really bad because they're cats. So it's all there.

ALIX: Right?

LIZ: But it's passive.

JULIAN: Okay, real question. Why hasn't StarClan told Bluestar to stay the fuck away from Tigerclaw?

PAZ: Right? StarClan has a problem being--

LIZ: They're really bored. They're just like, oh no, I want to see this play out.

PAZ: Yeah, what else do they have to do?

ALIX: They gotta watch the drama.

JULIAN: There's some sort of StarClan Prime Directive, where they can't interfere too much.

PAZ: There probably is. I don't know.

ALIX: Also, it's not clear how much of the future they actually know.

JULIAN: I mean, not even the future, just the present.

ALIX: I don't think they can read Tigerclaw's mind.

JULIAN: But they can see he killed Redtail.

PAZ: StarClan says I pretend I do not see it.

LIZ: No, there's someone in StarClan just being like, you know, I never liked Redtail.

PAZ: Meanwhile, Redtail's right there.

ALIX: Yeah, why doesn't Redtail's ghost show up and solve his murder? Hold on.

PAZ: Right? Oh my god.

JULIAN: The real Hamlet.

ALIX: Yeah!

PAZ: Yeah, Redtail should have been like, I don't know, haunting Ravenpaw and I don't know. That'd be a cool different book.

ALIX: There has to be a whole reason why they can't just say things because otherwise there would just never be any mysteries.

PAZ: Yeah, that probably gets addressed later, I assume.

ALIX: Redtail showing up like, hey, uh.

PAZ: Alix, I'm just thinking of that fic you linked where Redtail and Tigerclaw were exes.

LIZ: [gasps] Oh my god. Oh it makes sense.

ALIX: I wanted to bring this up because it was such a fucking powerful concept to me.

PAZ: I know, I love it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: I love some murder exes.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: Because it was basically being used as cover for him. Like he was like-- you know, even if you report the murder that I do, they won't think it's because I want power. They'll think it's because I'm jealous.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: He's like trying to come up with like fuckin like different like defenses in Warriors court.

LIZ: They should have Warriors court. They should have other professions.

ALIX: Where's the lawyer cats?

LIZ: Of course Tigerclaw would be gay and homophobic.

ALIX: I think that's exactly what Paz said.

PAZ: Yeah, I think I did. But yeah, that's his vibe. He also like goes to the gym a lot.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: God, he's a fucking gym rat.

PAZ: He is.

ALIX: Oh my god. Tigerclaw's Grindr.

JULIAN: He posts his like abs down picture on Grindr and is like stealth.

ALIX: I liked that fic though because it was just like everybody was like, You didn't know that? It wasn't like a torrid secret. It was just like Tigerclaw is bi and has a fraught ex, and I'm like, honestly, this is great.

JULIAN: Firepaw walks into this incredible queer drama just like, (high-pitched) what's up?

LIZ: What's going on?

ALIX: Oh, you didn't know?

JULIAN: Out here in the forest cats are gay.

ALIX: That fic is just so galaxy brained.

PAZ: Yeah, that was a humongous take.

LIZ: Imagine Graypaw expositing all of this in like his usual fashion, but it's just everyone's list of previous breakups.

JULIAN: Okay, so Whitestorm and Lionheart have some beef because they used to date until...

PAZ: God.

ALIX: This is incredible.

JULIAN: And like they're mostly fine, but they shouldn't like sit next to each other.

LIZ: Firepaw voice, what's dating?

ALIX: I'm six months old.

LIZ: I didn't know what hunting was called.

PAZ: Oh, boy.

LIZ: I just got here. I love the dirt. Hi, I'm Firepaw.

PAZ: Wow, what an accurate impression.

JULIAN: I'm sure this has been written where-- because I've seen a lot of like AUs on AO3 where they're all human. Um, and I'm sure that someone has written-- or I hope that someone has written the AU where the clans are just like different queer student groups on campus, and Firepaw is like the baby freshman who's just discovered like queerness as a concept.

PAZ: People definitely write high school AUs and I'm too scared to click to find out if they're still cats or humans.

LIZ: I hope they're just cats but they go to cat school and they take cat studies, like meowthematics, and... That's the only one I have.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

ALIX: I hope it's like the My Little Pony movie where there's an alternate universe where they're all humans, but then sometimes they can Magical Girl turn into ponies.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: That's so good.

LIZ: I'm just picturing that going like Animorphs, like the covers. Human boy to little guy.

JULIAN: Shoop.

ALIX: I keep realizing I'm imagining like human Fireheart as KJ Apa from Riverdale.

PAZ: Is that the main guy? I don't--

ALIX: Yeah, it's Archie.

JULIAN: It's just the guy who plays Archie.

ALIX: I'm just like who's like a redhead and plays a himbo?

PAZ: A dumb jock.

ALIX: Although Archie's not nice enough to be a himbo. Anyways.

LIZ: You know, these cats are British. Do you think if we go back far enough in like the Wayback Machine, we're gonna see like, here's my fancast for human Firepaw. It's Rupert Grint.

ALIX: Yes. Yes.

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Honestly, it's probably somewhere on Tumblr, like if I do some digging. I'll report back.

PAZ: You probably wouldn't even have to look that hard.

ALIX: That fully exists.

LIZ: Here's my fancast for older Firepaw, so I guess Fireheart, and it's Ed Sheeran.

PAZ: [groaning]

LIZ: [laughter]

JULIAN: Noooo.

LIZ: I couldn't think of that many red-headed dudes. And that was the only one I got.

PAZ: Oh, I'm picturing Ed Sheeran in my head right now. It's so scary. I don't want to.

LIZ: It's a scary image.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Do we want to, as a palate cleanser, move on to the questions?

PAZ: Yes, sure. So, you know, end of book wrap up, I figured we could also do some more questions, and we have gotten some. So we're gonna dive into those. And let's do the first one.

JULIAN: Um, I can read it out. It's less of a question and more of a--

PAZ: Yeah, anecdote.

JULIAN: --reminiscence, which I also love. "Hello Staircast, when I was an elementary schooler in 2009, there was a big community of Warrior Cats roleplayers on MIT Scratch for some reason, despite it being a platform for a block-based programming language designed to teach intro computer science, like people would roleplay in the comments. Anyway, I have brought these vintage cat OCS I submitted to coloring contests." We have Rainkit, "a small hyper kit who likes to run around and jump on things. She wants to be the best hunter ever." Rainkit is a gray kit with a little blue heart mark around one of her eyes. And she's saying hi.

PAZ: Beautiful-- it looks like a photo of the Grand Canyon?

JULIAN: I think it's the Grand Canyon.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: In the background. I love that setting.

ALIX: Cat is not wearing pants.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: No. And then the other submission is Chaosfox. Oh, it's--

PAZ: Oh wait, music. Oh my god. It's so loud. How do I make it stop?

ALIX: I had to mute the site.

PAZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: This is so powerful.

JULIAN: "Chaosfox lives alone in a secluded area of the forest. She used to belong to a clan known as BoneClan but was turned out when it was discovered she had killed another cat. It was an accident."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: "But she was framed by her brother Longclaw. She avoids other cats and will likely attack you if you come near her. She's very thin because prey is scarce where she lives. She'd never reveal it, but she is lonely."

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: What is this song?

LIZ: I don't know. I'm afraid to turn it back on. It's very loud.

ALIX: It's so loud.

JULIAN: And then when you click on the little play to get this animation going, Chaosfox is like rainbow, like has little shards of rainbow color that make up her body. It's really good. It's really incredible.

LIZ: It's animated.

PAZ: I feel like I can see her bone tail, like?

ALIX: Oh, yeah. It's powerful.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

LIZ: The colors are oscillating. It's very beautiful. I have so much respect for this artist.

ALIX: I feel like-- like the audacity of BoneClan for kicking someone out for doing murder.

PAZ: Right?

ALIX: You're called BoneClan.

JULIAN: Oh, thank you for sending that in, Ruby.

PAZ: Thank you. These are beautiful. If you remember what this song is called, I guess, @ us.

LIZ: Yeah, we'd love to know and then we'd love to just make that our new theme song forever. Same volume.

JULIAN: No slow ramp.

PAZ: Okay, I have to close that tab.

ALIX: That's incredible. I love that so much.

PAZ: And that was from Ruby. Thank you, Ruby.

LIZ: Thank you so much.

ALIX: I can read one if you want.

PAZ: Okay.

ALIX: "Dear esteemed cat scholars, in the last episode, you mentioned how cats should broaden their horizons and establish more roles and jobs for cats and their societies. My question is, could, should, and would cats unionize?" And that's from Maayan.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: I think they should unionize.

ALIX: They should.

JULIAN: Right, everyone should unionize.

PAZ: I don't know if they would.

ALIX: Maybe.

JULIAN: They seem to be very attached to a hierarchical structure right now. So I think they would need to do some like-- you'd have to do some real consciousness building.

PAZ: Some workshops.

JULIAN: Among the cats to like encourage them to think as a group. They do think about the wellbeing of the clan, but like, you would have to frame it so that they could see that, like, when warriors have better working conditions, everyone benefits.

ALIX: I mean, to be fair, leaders aren't like bosses because they actually do like hunt and fight. Like they do work. So it's not 100% like they're exploiting the labor of the other cats. But I still think collective bargaining would be good for them.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I think the apprentices should unionize.

ALIX: Yeah, yes, yes, yes, their labor is exploited, I would say.

PAZ: For sure.

LIZ: They should unionize so they get like, you know, some safety protocols, like not being sent to snake hell while you're an intern by your evil mentor.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think they should unionize and fight for a better mentor selection.

LIZ: Yeah.

ALIX: Literally.

PAZ: Have some say in that process.

LIZ: There should be a review board, right? Like some sort of approval process.

ALIX: Like any accountability.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

PAZ: Ratemymentor.com. Tigerclaw has an F.

JULIAN: But he does have a chili pepper.

ALIX: According to Redtail, at least.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: What's Ravenpaw's review? Just like, 0/10, tried to kill me.

ALIX: I got stabbed here.

PAZ: Would not come back.

ALIX: Good sandwiches, would come back.

LIZ: Also, just lectures. Does not teach.

PAZ: Well, I guess that's our answer. They should unionize--

ALIX: But they won't.

PAZ: The apprentices especially, but they won't. Who wants to read this next one?

LIZ: I'll read it. This is from-- I don't know who it's from.

PAZ: Oh, whoops.

LIZ: There's no-- is it signed?

PAZ: Let me go look in the email.

ALIX: This is a dream from StarClan.

JULIAN: It's from Nat.

LIZ: Okay. So this question's from Nat. The header is The Proboards Experience. "Hi Staircast cast, loving the show. I know it's been mentioned, so I'm sure you would have got around to answering this question from me eventually. But do y'all remember the Proboards RP golden age? I cannot count the amount of Proboards I created or joined, many of them for Warriors. And most of them seeing participation for an average of four weeks, after which they died forever."

PAZ: Yep.

LIZ: "I'd love to hear if any of you were part of the scene. And if you have any strong emotion--" sorry-- "any strong memories. Here's the only one I remember. At some point, I knew the creator of it. Now I don't have any recollection of how." And there's a link to the Proboards. "Look at all the work that went into the architecture of this thing, only for a small group of internet kids to never use it due to moderating and advertising being hard." Aww. "I've also attached some fantastic 2009 fanart of it, which I found recently and unlocked my memory of that particular forum. Thanks again for letting me re-experience these books in your podcast." And attached is just a stunning, beautiful piece of art that I wish I could blow it up on the screen and show everybody.

PAZ: Yes, so it has the name of the forums on it, which is Moonlight Dreams. And "Dreams" is in beautiful rainbow font, very atmospheric. And it looks like there's five cats in a cave around Moonpool, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, three of them look very astonished. One of them looks really angry. There's a story going on here.

LIZ: There's a little kind of orangey brown cat on the far right with one black paw, and I think that's just-- mwah. That's adorable.

PAZ: That's character design, baby.

ALIX: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: I mean, like I obviously have a lot of memories of the Proboards Golden Age. Um, my best friend in elementary school's older sister set up a forum for us to RP, starclan13.proboards.com. And it was a weird mix of like our friends, and then the older sister's group of friends, who were about three years older, and then at some point I got my little brother, who at the time was like six, and all his friends into it. So we ended up, because obviously at the time you needed to be 13 to create an account anywhere that you could post, because of child safety laws. And my parents knew about this law. And so I was like, well no, it's different. Proboards is different somehow. I managed to convince them that it was okay for us all to be doing that. And it was because we knew almost everyone who was on the board.

But I spent-- I had 45 minutes on the computer per day and I spent every one of those 45 minutes RPing as my OC Pinestripe. I didn't realize that like most Proboards apparently weren't very active because ours was incredibly active, maybe because we all knew each other in real life and could yell at each other to get online. But like now that I'm looking-- I like pulled it up, and I'm looking at it, and there's a total of 45,000 posts on this website.

PAZ: Jeez.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, part of this is after we stopped or I stopped RPing as actively, there was kind of a second wave in like 2010 of people that we did not know in real life, who I guess found the site. We had done some like cross advertising on different RP forums. And I guess they found it via that and kind of took over and were super active. So I was not around for all 45,000 of those posts.

PAZ: That's wild.

JULIAN: But it was very active. We had a total of like 300 members total.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Of like very elaborate plot.

LIZ: Amazing.

PAZ: Yeah, just for comparison, the Proboards that our listener linked has a total post count of 125.

LIZ: Aw.

ALIX: There's also-- 50 of these posts are in the Advertising Other Sites.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Yeah, I was definitely on Proboards, but not for Warriors Cats ever, I don't think. That was mostly confined to Neopets for me. I think-- so I was in a guild on Neopets that did Invader Zim role play. And we eventually moved to Proboards.

ALIX: Incredible.

PAZ: So that's what I was roleplaying on Proboards.

LIZ: I didn't know that about you, not the Invader Zim part.

PAZ: I don't like to talk about it.

LIZ: Cause you--

ALIX: Yeah, I never-- oh sorry, go ahead.

LIZ: Oh, no, you go first. I'll wait for after because it's very important.

ALIX: I was just gonna say I was never on Proboards. I RPed Warrior Cats on Gaia Online.

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I knew a lot of people who did Maximum Ride there. But yeah, I don't know. It was um, I was like a site admin for a while, which was really neat, because I got to learn how to do some HTML and CSS.

PAZ: Hell yeah.

JULIAN: You know, I moved from doing my Neopets shop to-- unfortunately, you can't see the site as it used to look because a lot of the-- we used to have like a really big top banner, and, like special graphics for everything, and custom emoticons. And a lot of those were all hosted on Photobucket.

[chorus of aws]

JULIAN: Along with almost everyone's RP signatures, so unfortunately, many of those are gone.

PAZ: Tragic.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: Lost history. Like that genuinely makes me sad.

JULIAN: I am gonna see if the Wayback Machine ever archived this.

PAZ: Yeah, that'd be good.

LIZ: It was a pretty big one, it might have. Yeah, I guess I never like did any Proboard stuff, and I stopped using Neopets after my friend at the time tried to teach me how to bank on it. I was like, well, I can't do this. Yeah, so it's interesting to hear like, everyone's different, like, experiences with it, because I just like-- it just passed me by.

I do want to look at the Proboards that was linked in the question because there's some interesting little descriptions here for like-- there's a folder called Calm River. And it says, "this is a small part of the river that is very calm. It is good for catching fish and wonderful for swimming if you have some free time. On the sandy banks is where warriors like teaching their apprentices battle moves." And it's all very sweet.

ALIX: Yeah, it's so empty though.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. It is on the Wayback Machine.

PAZ: Oh perfect.

LIZ: Yay.

JULIAN: And you can see many of the images, although not the big header.

PAZ: Perfect.

LIZ: There's gotta be someone with that saved on like some external hard drive.

JULIAN: Our affiliate link is like a little cat running across the-- there's a lot of gifs.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It is all in Papyrus font.

LIZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Great news for everyone.

LIZ: Listen, Papyrus is where it was at. I definitely used it for just like school reports, as a middle schooler, because who's gonna stop you?

ALIX: I remember doing it as well.

PAZ: Yeah. Well, Julian, I'd be interested to see if you could find any posts of yours in the Wayback Machine.

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: But that'd be like--

JULIAN: I think that's probably--

PAZ: A project for the future.

JULIAN: A project because it'll take me a little bit to navigate this. But yes, I'll try to see if I can find my death post when I killed off my character.

LIZ: Oh my god.

ALIX: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh please.

JULIAN: Cause it was very dramatic.

LIZ: Um, can we just read a few of the names on your old site?

JULIAN: Oh, yeah.

ALIX: Oh my god, sorry.

LIZ: Because they're really good. Just in the current cat section, just to pick a few out, there's Vengeancestone, Diamondpaw, Pookystar, Saberkit, Rainbowkit, and separately, Rippedkit and Ripplekit.

JULIAN: Oh, great news. I forgot that in WindClan, we do have a Suepaw. So Susan, Susanclaw.

PAZ: Wow.

ALIX: Wow.

LIZ: There's also just a Garfunkel, which is perfect.

ALIX: Oh yeah, Garfunkel.

JULIAN: Oh, I forgot about Garfunk-- wait,, which clan is Garfunkel in? I don't remember Garfunkel.

LIZ: Uh, WindClan.

PAZ: Garfunkel.

ALIX: Kushaclaw?

LIZ: Suepaw.

ALIX: Wow.

PAZ: Others: Loner, Amberfeather (go Amby!)

JULIAN: That was my best friend.

ALIX: Aw.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: She used to be the leader of RiverClan but then decided to become a loner.

ALIX: [gasp] The drama.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wait. There's a loner called Mirage. Shout outs to Emily.

ALIX: Oh my gosh. Mirage is here.

PAZ: Wow, Mirage Apex Legends.

LIZ: Oh, and the very last name in this whole entire list is Cody.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: God bless.

JULIAN: Cody was like a rando who just really badly wanted to play a kittypet. And it's like, well, I mean, you can if you want to, but...

LIZ: I respect that. You've got to have some different perspectives in here.

JULIAN: I think you would have really gotten along with Cody because Cody's whole shtick when role playing was that they would just like pop into RPs and be like, hey, you should all come be kittypets with me.

ALIX: Y'all heard of medicine?

LIZ: Do you want to get vaccinated? Do you not want to have ticks? Well, have I got the lifestyle for you.

JULIAN: Yep.

LIZ: Anyway, thank you for this. These beautiful links.

ALIX: They're really incredible.

LIZ: And this beautiful image. And this beautiful question.

JULIAN: Yeah, thank you so much, Nat.

PAZ: Yeah. And I hope we can dive into the Proboards experience more in the future.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: But Alix brought us something very special as well, speaking of the distant Warriors past.

ALIX: Yes. So I've basically had access to the same email account since I was nine, ten years old. So I found an email exchange between my middle school best friend and me about Warrior Cats. So I linked a Google doc. And if somebody wants to be my best friend from middle school, I will be me, and we can read this little exchange

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm happy to do it.

ALIX: Okay. All right, obviously don't doxx her.

JULIAN: Right, of course.

ALIX: So, "Dear Rainface. I got Warriors Field Guide, Secrets of the Clans, and it includes, ta-da! the story of how the clans started. Here is a summary. Many minutes ago, there were only cats who lived in small groups. They fought for no reason at all. It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest.

One night, they agreed to meet at Fourtrees and talk. They ended up having a battle. Many cats died. The living ones slept at Fourtrees. When they woke up, they saw the slain cats as starry cats/StarClan. 'Unite or die,' said StarClan. Four cats wanted to lead the cats, a black female, Shadow, a silver gray tom with green eyes, River, a wiry brown she-cat, Wind, and a ginger tom with amber eyes, Thunder.

A dispute broke out. Suddenly, 'Silence!' a StarClan tabby yowled. She told them to find cats like them. For Shadow, night hunters, for River, water-loving cats, for Wind, fast runners, and for Thunder, strong hunters. 'If you do this,' said a white tom, 'we will reward you with eight extra lives that you may lead your clans many moons.' A tortoiseshell said, 'we will watch over you from Silverpelt and visit you in dreams.' The white tom declared the full moon truce. The tabby yowled from the great rock, 'you will be warriors.' All the cats agreed. And so began the age of the Warrior Cats." I just want to say that I did write this summary.

PAZ: It's so good.

LIZ: It's beautiful.

ALIX: And I put an ellipsis, then "isn't that scarily like A Place Before StarClan by us, with the white tom and everything? Let me know. Bye! Hawkear."

JULIAN: "It is. But there is no Moonstone coming down to earth or little cats blowing off to the north, south, east or west. Their version is way too boring."

ALIX: "There is a Moonstone story that I will tell you later. But I admit it is a little boring."

JULIAN: "Okay."

ALIX: "We talked about it."

JULIAN: "Oh. Yeah."

ALIX: "Please give back the books if you are done. I need Harry Potter Seven Guesses book before it comes out."

JULIAN: "Sorry I couldn't give it back to you sooner."

ALIX: "'S okay." Spelled S, apostrophe, okay.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: "Good."

ALIX: Then I said, "Hey, now I suppose there was a Sky too?" End exchange.

PAZ: Beautiful.

JULIAN: I love that in 2007 it was totally fine to send a one-word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

PAZ: This is-- I did not email my friends like this. This is fascinating.

ALIX: You know, I would have said that I didn't either, but apparently I did.

JULIAN: I super did, so

PAZ: I love your summary so much.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: "It was a lawless, bloodly time for the forest."

ALIX: I do love "bloodly."

LIZ: That's innovation.

ALIX: I do think this is the canonical lore. But also like, I love that I just sent it up in such a like-- it's like a vaguely poetic way. But I'm just like, "they ended up having a battle." Absolutely no reason why.

PAZ: I love that you were like, so this is the official thing. We did it first and way better.

ALIX: It's a really, really powerful energy.

JULIAN: Oh, to have the sheer confidence of like an 11 year old hyped up on Warrior Cats.

PAZ: Oh, right?

LIZ: That's the confidence you need to send a one word email.

ALIX: Yeah.

JULIAN: That just says "good."

ALIX: I feel like I'm putting way more energy into this exchange than my friend. I'm writing paragraphs. And she's like, good, thanks.

JULIAN: Yeah, I tried to bring as much to the role as I could, but I didn't have a lot to work with.

ALIX: Thank you, you did a great job. Also, wait. Sorry, I just realized the difference-- how much time was between these different messages, because I sent that "'s okay" one on July 31, 2007, and she responded, "good," on August 14, 2007.

PAZ: That's about the rate at which I reply to emails.

ALIX: Yeah, there's five days between almost all of these emails.

LIZ: God, if this was now, it'd be like, hey, just checking in for an update. Have you had a chance to look at my Warrior Cats summary yet? Okay. Let me know. Thanks again. Bye.

JULIAN: Just wanted to touch base on this. Do you have any thoughts?

ALIX: Circling back on this. Isn't our fanfiction better?

LIZ: Best wishes.

ALIX: I hope this email finds you well.

JULIAN: Let me know if you have any questions.

LIZ: Hope to hear from you soon.

JULIAN: Email was a mistake actually. Except for this, this is the only valid use for email.

LIZ: We should have never moved on from this.

ALIX: Thank you so much for letting me read this.

JULIAN: Thank you for sharing it with us.

ALIX: It amused me very much when I found it.

PAZ: It's very good. Thank you. That's kind of what we got-- what we have to bring to the table today. I don't know. I think we did a good, like retrospective talk. Oh, okay. I know what I wanted to do. Liz?

LIZ: Yeah?

PAZ: Would you like to give us your prophecy for the next book?

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Yeees.

ALIX: Yes [clapping].

PAZ: What do you think will happen?

LIZ: Um, they're going to almost get Tigerclaw. But he's going to get away at the last minute, I think at the end of the book. And sorry, did I say Tigerclaw? I did, right?

ALIX: Yeah.

LIZ: All right. And Fireheart is going to be like, rats, if only I had not been wracked with indecision, and also just brainlessness because I'm a dumb little cat. So he's going to have that kind of like, you know, Hamlet hubris moment. And he's gonna get a promotion. Maybe they'll have different jobs now.

You might see more of the other apprentices. Graystripe will develop a personality. I say that with affection. Because there's going to be less exposition to give, I think. They are going to have a fun little jaunt into the barn while they're on a patrol or something. And they're going to see their good friend Ravenpaw. And he's going to be fine with his new boyfriend.

Bluestar is going to have like-- there's gonna be a subplot with Bluestar. She's gonna be like, oh, I'm getting so old, I need to start thinking about me. Like, what have I done for myself? All these years and I don't even know myself. And that is like her slice of life older person romance plot with Yellowfang, who's like re entering the workforce as an older medicine cat. Yeah, that's pretty much my prediction.

JULIAN: I would watch this drama.

ALIX: I love this so much.

JULIAN: Bluestar's self care journey.

ALIX: I love how hard you're manifesting that Ravenpaw is okay.

LIZ: Yeah. He is. I don't know what you mean.

PAZ: The aggression in your voice. Thank you so much. I'm excited to see if your prophecy comes true. Well, that was it for Into the Wild. We're done with it. And now we're moving on to Fire and Ice next week. Very excited.

ALIX: I'm so excited to listen.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

LIZ: I've had the book on Libby for like a few days now. And I'm like, chomping at the bit to get into it.

PAZ: Now is the time.

JULIAN: Oh, Alix, do you have anything you want to plug?

ALIX: Yeah, I have two podcasts, Hot Taking It, where I watch classic MTV sitcom Faking It, which is about high school lesbians fake dating. And also a podcast that I finished, I guess, although it's kind of ongoing, which is Across the Loonaverse, which is explaining Loona lore. Julian was on that at one point, so if you're a fan of Julian--

JULIAN: Oh, I was. I forgot.

ALIX: --you can go listen to that. And then that will pretty soon be replaced by a Riverdale podcast where I can talk about KJ Apa some more, although not in the role of Fireheart. Yeah, Across the Loonaverse, and Hot Taking It, which I think you can find if you go to my Twitter, which is @kismetnemesis, and then I have them linked. Probably the easiest way to do it.

JULIAN: Hell yeah.

PAZ: And as a reminder, you can find our show @staircast on Twitter. And if you want to send in any questions or anecdotes like the ones we read today, you can send them into stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. And we'll check those periodically.

LIZ: Yeah, I want to thank everyone again, for the really good questions. They're just, they're very cute and sweet. And I had a good time listening and reading them.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's really nice to hear what this series means to other people.

PAZ: Mm hmm. Yeah. And I am just having a blast revisiting it. So thank you, everyone who's doing it with us as well.

ALIX: Yeah, thank you so much for letting me be on the show and also making the show so that I can listen to it. It's genuinely like the highlight of my week. Like every Sunday, I'm like, Alright, it's time to listen to Staircast.

PAZ: Thank you.

JULIAN: Aw, Alix.

LIZ: Thank you for coming on because you're, one, a seasoned podcaster, and also per the rules of the Clan, the new podcast host, so it's in your hands now.

ALIX: Yeah, um, although I think next week I might be busy, if you guys could just be interim hosts for a little while.

LIZ: Yeah, of course.

PAZ: Okay, yeah. We'll figure it out.

JULIAN: We'll be podcast deputies.

ALIX: Oh yes. And if I die, you all have to fight it out.

LIZ: Who has to wait for that? Listen. You've read about Tigerclaw. He's doing fine for himself.

PAZ: Well, uh, I think that's gonna do it for us this week. Tune in next week for Fire and Ice and until then, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

ALIX: B-bye?

LIZ: I'm never sure if I should do that one with you guys.

PAZ: Yeah. I keep it in.

[outro music]

PAZ: Okay, let me put away these covers.

ALIX: These childish things.

JULIAN: No, we're taking out childish things

PAZ: Oh, whoa, it got translated into Latvian. Wild.

ALIX: Only two books, though, so they don't get to know the whole plot.

PAZ: No, Latvian at least got to The Darkest Hour, so three books.

[creativeprojectjanebell]

Interesting pieces taken from this article for further thought:

“in 2018 in fact, it was reported that only 12.4% of those currently employed in the creative industries come from a low income background.”

An interesting statistic that I’d like to see updated for 2021, I doubt that it has changed much as the system itself has not changed. All that has really changed is working class artists taking their work into their own hands through networks like the Working class creative database.

“Nepotism is an important part of the creative world, as shit as that is, its partially dominated by the middle and upper classes because they're all so well connected with one another and its all so centralized around the capital”

As with many industries, the art industry is no different. Its often less about skills or work but about who you know. If your father happens to know well the curator for a well known contemporary gallery, the likelihood is that your work will end up there. 

“Regional and working class dialects are still considered somewhat grotesque to those who benefit the most from the art industry.”

I don't think this needs comment, its quite true and working class dialects are still looked down upon in many professional settings.

“But I’ve noticed that middle and upper classes use this aesthetic too. Even a year into art school I realized that my working class cultural capital was something that (middle and upper class peers) wanted to assimilate but could never have.” Lolly Adams, part of the database who works as an artist, teacher and curator.

This is quite relevant and something myself and many friends discuss frequently about many students in Glasgow. (particularly one institution but I wont name names) The trend of dressing up as members of the working class happens quite frequently as its in fashion to do so, to seem disadvantaged is preferable to seeming middle or upper class even though at the end of the day those in question still have the safety net of their class behind them. 

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 23)

The terms of Weiss’ parole were surprisingly simple:

One, she could only freely move around in the Bastion, and could not exit the walls of the city or travel to any of the many other settlements in the Viridian Valley without Ruby and an additional escort consisting of Penny and Blake, or just Qrow.

Two, she’d have to get a job, or at the very least, prove that she was being useful to the Fae in some way. Glynda recommended joining the Watchers—the “Order” that was a combination police force, army, and forest rangers—but Weiss was going to take her chances with other work that didn’t involve putting life and limb at risk, and whose legitimate claims for hazard pay included “Partially Eaten By Predators.”

And three, she’d have to live with Ruby and Qrow at their home, where Blake and Penny also happened to be staying.

There were other small details and nuances such as the fact that like most citizens, she had restricted access to “the Codex”--the Fae’s storage for every single piece of data and information they’ve ever collected since they first became sentient and organized—being forced to learn Actaeon for everyone’s benefit, and being tested for something Penny translated as “the Gift” after a month's time or so.

“This is… actually a whole lot less than I was expecting!” Weiss said as she sat in Glynda’s office.

“What were you expecting?” Glynda replied from behind her desk. “Tracker collars? Constant watcher escorts? Being forced to have a Governor installed and all your thoughts and memories regularly uploaded to the Codex? You’re a hostage, Schnee, not Public Enemy #1.”

Weiss nodded. “It’s just with who my father was and all...”

“That was your father,” Glynda said. “If we based all of our decisions and judgments entirely on your lineage and the actions of your ancestors, then the Fae would have extincted themselves long ago from nepotism, incompetency, and old grudges.

“Though I must warn you that there’s always an element of it in many organizations and social interactions.”

Weiss sighed. “I’m not surprised...”

“Fae and human society are not that different, Schnee. When you really get down to it, we’re all just animals working together to make better lives for ourselves, and the ones we love and care about.”

“I figured when I saw someone forwarding funny cat videos to their kids on Storybook.”

Glynda nodded. “Indeed. Do you have any other pressing questions? If it's anything regarding Fae society in general, specific terms, or cultural attitudes—'the ropes,' so to speak— you can just ask Qrow or Penny; its their job as Chroniclers.”

“Just one: how do you know Nivian so well?” Weiss asked.

“I did as those that are keeping your Old World's Tongues alive: I studied it, I immersed myself in it, and I used it frequently with others who spoke Nivian better than I. I suggest you find something entertaining to enjoy; our industries may not be as robust or prolific as you humans, but it's still there.”

“You learned Nivian through cartoons?”

“Yes. I'm particularly fond of the one with the rabbit who keeps outsmarting his human hunter, among other antagonists,” Glynda said with a straight face.

Weiss sniggered. “I'll just be going now, Elder Goodwitch,” she said as she slipped out of her chair.

Glynda's nose twitched. “Please, try your best to make the reasons of our next meeting much more positive,” she said coolly.

Weiss nodded before she turned around and made haste to leave.

A little after the door was shut behind her, Glynda sighed. “Should of turned left at Albuquerque...” she muttered to herself.

Outside, Weiss finally burst into laughter, clutching her sides as her eyes watered with tears. Glynda's small army of secretaries and assistants mostly ignored her, but their supervisor glared at her. Weiss gave them an apologetic look, got some tissues to clean up, and made for the waiting room.

Blake was on one of the benches, quietly reading a book. Qrow sat beside her nursing a wooden container of locally produced alcohol, discretely sipping from it when the avian “security camera” wasn't looking at him. Penny was standing and smiling, the glow of her eyes and arms dimmed to show that she was on standby mode.

Ruby stopped pacing around the area and ran up to her, almost crashing into Weiss. She tilted forward for a moment, Weiss leaned way back to avoid getting poked by her antlers. Ruby quickly fell back on the balls of her feet and asked:

“Well? How'd it go?”

“If I understand it correctly…” Weiss smiled. “I'm mostly free!”

Ruby cheered. “Yay! Congratulations, Weiss!”

Weiss yelped as she suddenly hugged her, dodged her head to the side and just narrowly avoided getting butted with her horns.

Ruby quickly pulled away and looked sheepishly at her. “Sorry...” she muttered.

Weiss sighed. “Just warn me the next time, alright?”

Ruby nodded. “I will!”

“Got any more business here, Princess?” Qrow asked as he got up. “I mean, we're all on the clock and getting paid to guard you until you get out of the Tree, but babysitting duty doesn't have the best time/profit investment compared to everything else we could be doing.”

Weiss shook her head. “Are you all seriously going to leave me alone as soon as I'm out the door, just like that?”

“Yep!” Ruby replied. “Because I, your Parole Watcher, trust you,” she hummed

<Try not to get eaten by a guard wolf, or fall out of a tree and to your death while we're not around,> Blake said with a straight face.

Weiss frowned and looked to Penny.

“Do you want a rough translation of her exact words, or the essence of what she said?” Penny asked. “The latter is much faster.”

“Gist,” Weiss replied.

“Blake confirmed your suspicion, and wishes for you to stay safe,” Penny hummed.

The both of them could tell that wasn't exactly what she meant, but they let it slide.

“I would like to add that the Bastion may be the safest city in all of the Viridian Valley, but the Valley is not exactly the safest place in general, so please, always be on your guard for the numerous dangers that lurk here!”

Weiss frowned. “Like what, exactly?”

“Mutated wildlife and plants, mostly,” Qrow replied. “All that raw magic just floating around, escaped Maker experiments and work animals getting freaky with the natives, plus the unforeseen long-term consequences of science projects from the past tend to have some pretty interesting effects.”

“Don't worry though, Weiss!” Ruby said. “If there's one part of my job I'm great at, it's making sure the populations are in check, so no one gets killed and/or eaten by wild animals—so long as they stay within the border walls, at least, because otherwise I'd never have time for anything else!”

“So in case it wasn't obvious, you'd best stay in until you've toughened up a lot and got yourself some decent gear,” Qrow added. “The critters lurking out there will fuck anyone's shit up.”

“And that's terrifying, along with being really gross and confusing!” Ruby added.

Weiss shuddered. “Relax: I'm never going to step foot outside the gates if I can help it. I'm a city girl, anyway.”

“Yeah, but you're not in Candela anymore,” Qrow murmured.

<Hey, sorry for butting in, but can we please go now?> Blake asked. <Some of us have to work to eat.>

They made their way out of the Tree of Life, stopping only to pick up a care package for Weiss.

True to their word, Qrow and Blake split from the group the moment Weiss had both feet out of the entrance.

She didn't mind; not having them around made the sweet feeling of finally being (mostly) free all the better. She stepped into a less shaded patch of sunlight and felt its warmth on her skin, sucked in a deep breath of fresh air, before she gagged and choked on the cumulative scent of so many citizens and animals who spent more time outdoors and working than in the hot springs.

“Don't worry, Weiss!” Penny said. “I can say with confidence that your biology will eventually get used to the unique aroma of Fae cities—in time, you won't even notice it!”

Weiss pulled the fabric of her dress up to her nose, then pulled it back down when the breathable fabric did nothing to hide the smell. “Let's just go to wherever my new home is...” she grumbled. “Where do you live, anyway?”

“Pretty far from here!” Ruby replied. “But don't worry: since you're no longer a hostage, you can use the Tubes like we do!”

“The Tubes?” Weiss asked.

“It's--” Penny started, before Ruby grabbed her and stopped her.

“It's better if you see it for yourself,” Ruby said, smiling.

Weiss had a sinking feeling about it, but it wasn't like she had much of a choice.

They walked to the nearest “station,” an extremely short distance away considering the Tree of Life was the Bastion's version of a city hall, among other things. As they walked up to it, Weiss noticed that they were getting closer and closer to some of the massive aqueducts, to a joint that exited in multiple directions. The center of it had three workers, one monitoring a terminal, the other two helping passengers in and out of what looked like wooden tubes with unfolding covers.

Her eyes widened as the pit of her stomach fell. “We're not seriously going to...”

“Yep!” Ruby chirped. “Don't worry, Weiss, it's super safe and such a rush, too! Oh, and just so you know, never take the Tubes if you've just eaten, and especially if you're still eating. Trust me on this, neither of them are good combinations.”

Weiss turned to Penny. “What are the chances of me dying in a freak Tubing accident?”

“Almost completely zero!” Penny chirped. “Not including the first few months of its implementation several hundred years ago, the Tubes are the safest mode of transportation in any Fae settlement. It's been 5 years since the last accident, but even then, the passengers were physically unharmed if traumatized, and the cause was a sudden earthquake that also interfered with many other parts of the Bastion's infrastructure.”

“We build our cities with the intention of making them last forever and stand against almost anything you can throw at them, Weiss,” Ruby said as they fell in line. “You'll be fine.”

Weiss didn't reply, and quietly wondered that if the Keeper of the Grove was real, was the Holy Shepherd's supposedly divine powers true, too?

She didn't reach a conclusion by the time the made it to the front of the line—the Tubes were also very efficient, it seemed. Ruby had gone first to demonstrate how it was done, and Penny had allowed herself to be partially disassembled to show just how secure the cargo hold for a “Log” was.

The both of them smiled at her before the lid was closed, but fact that Penny's head had been detached from the rest of her body rather ruined any reassurance they intended.

<First time, kid?> one of the workers asked, holding up a clawed finger.

Weiss nodded meekly.

<Just close your eyes and keep your mouth shut,> he said and mimed as his companion secured her care package into the cargo hold.

“Thanks,” Weiss whispered.

She was loaded into the tube, ramrod straight on her back. It felt like she was being put in a particularly spacious coffin, and the fact that they were strapping five belts over her body—on her feet, her knees, her waist, her chest, and finally across her forehead—didn't help.

The worker smiled, gave her a two-finger salute, and closed the lid. She heard it click securely shut, the grates above her head and by her feet open, and the sound of gently trickling water turn into a deafening roar.

And then, she was off.

[what-soul]

Traditional work

What is my problem? I have never in my life been able to feel anything but avoidance and anxiety towards the prospect of searching for a job. I’ve had 3 jobs in the past which I got through nepotism, though none of them ended too well. I keep thinking of new reasons I might have this, all of which feel like a part of the truth, but none explain the whole phenomena.

Why might job searching appear to be so impassable?

Traditional jobs represent a failure to live up to the identity I’ve been given by my friends and family as a self-starting genius

I’d be admitting to general failure at life as I’d be settling for whatever I could get after failing out of college and having a gaping hole in my resume

It would distract from the projects I never finish

Every job I’ve ever had ended with tears when I was fired for personal failings and incompetence/unprofessionalism

There’s some discomfort with the idea of the 9-5 wage job, as it’s taken on the role of a kind of modern slavery/feudalism, where the language used to describe your position imply that the company “owns” you, and quitting means sacrificing more than you could ordinarily handle

To some extent I feel society/the government owes me the minimum of providing for my capacity to live, enough for food, housing, and medicine, and buying into the system would promote the fact that society doesn’t consider living a basic human right

There may be echoes of my dad micromanaging and yelling at me to get a job to help pay the rent in New Mexico, coupled with the scars from being kicked out

Every adult in my life dislikes their job, which is to say they’d rather not have it if they could help it. Spending 1/3 of your life doing something you hate seems insane, and a large part of the relational conflicts I’ve had with my family emerged from them feeling cheated by having to do work they hated to pay for me to not work

I generally lack motivation/ambition/drive/passion/purpose for anything at all in life, including living itself. If I had money there’s nothing I’d feel compelled to buy with it. Gadgets are nice, but have marginal impact. I can survive without my computer, despite what others seem to think, as it only serves as a method of distraction from SOULlessness

I’m afraid of the opportunity cost of getting a job, as there could be something better out there that I’ve then made impossible

I feel like I could be doing better on my own and that would be much more impressive

Which is interesting since that implies caring about the opinions of others which I’m trying to distance myself from

When I was sad-depressed, I “knew” that I’d be so bad at any job I applied for that I’d end up doing “negative work”, thus feeling like I tricked my employer by pretending I was competent

This actually has precedent: I had a Summer job as an assistant to one of my mom’s coworkers, and I felt incredibly guilty about it because I felt like I was cheating him out of his money by doing little to deserve it (I was meant to do research but it tended to be sub-par, partially due to depression and escapism leading to procrastination)

When I worked at Engage (data entry)...

I eventually realized that me having a job was more important than me or my mental health. By this point I was talking about suicide at least once or twice a week, perhaps as a cry for help, and it was met with silence or “buck up son you can do it”

I ran out of my medications which led to a dangerous spiral of anxiety which eventually forced me to quit out of shame because I didn’t feel I was doing enough work to justify pay (on the clock my performance was terrible and I often clocked out for hours at a time)

No one in my family appreciated that and they thought it was because I “merely” “didn’t like” the job and was being a pussy. From my perspective, going to work was as mentally painful as having my fingernails torn off one by one. Sheer agony at all times, my heart racing, mind clouded, fear and panic and anxiety about what seemed like nothing and shame that I couldn’t suck it up like my coworkers

Every one of these holds a piece of the truth, as there’s likely uncountably many influences, but it’s still missing something. None of it explains it in full. Maybe it’s to do with trauma associated with work? Every one of my jobs was pumped full of shame and guilt after all, but that would depend on if I had these problems before my first job, as I know for a fact that I had these problems after it.

So what was my first (permanent) job? I was a temporary assistant to my dad’s work’s IT admin, which ended up being mostly refilling printer paper, printer and computer troubleshooting, computer setups, HIPAA-compliant hard drive wiping, taking inventory of electronics, and twiddling my thumbs while asking if there was a way to help because I was afraid of not doing enough work.

I remember that I started this in highschool, so near the start of my depression. I consistently came in 20-30 minutes late because of oversleeping or forgetfulness. I didn’t shower regularly and was all too aware of how gross I felt, let alone smelled. My boss was surprisingly tolerant of all of this, perhaps because none of it really mattered because we usually twiddled our thumbs. Then my replacement came and I was let go a month later because there wasn’t enough work to justify my employment, which I took personally and interpreted as having gotten tired of putting up with my shit and not being able to take any more.

I was moved to a different department, where I felt even more shame as that boss was much less tolerant because there was actual work to be done, and this is where my conception of “negative work” first took root. No amount of effort felt good enough, everything I did was a failure and everyone had to pick up the slack from my failings (All of this came from me, none from my boss, to be clear. She was a sweetheart, which made it worse). I was put on probation in the first week, the last day of which I managed to take several hours trying to make a copy of a mailing label. Ever since I felt ashamed because it seemed like I should’ve been fired then, and I was only being kept on out of pity or because she knew my dad. I was eventually fired because she couldn’t deal with me being up to 30 minutes late nearly every day from oversleeping.

Looking at all that, I suppose trauma is a good explanation for my hesitation. I don’t know if that’s all it is, though.