#well maybe if you hadnt been an asshole maybe this wouldnt have been happening would it. hm
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the yearnerrrrrrrrrrrrrr
#liveblog#well maybe if you hadnt been an asshole maybe this wouldnt have been happening would it. hm#honeslty if she had just slapped him another time he would have been fixed for real. that woulda shown em#Ulquiorra when he’s annoying to orihime and faces the consequences of his actions (being annoying):😫😭😔
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SU reclaimed pearl rambles
im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.
so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text
i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'
onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism
i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor
why did you change pearl?
because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)
why do you hate pearl?
the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!
why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?
i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again
i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)
cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job
now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things
im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)
you took away her personality and made her boring
the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.
personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p
gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh
i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)
imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha
ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.
i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.
this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh
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fuck guys my 'i think i met geno in 2012 without realizing who he was' conspiracy theory deepens D:
after a long day of rendering i was indulging in some scribbling and i wasnt going to post it but i was drawing this:
i mean its some random girl i dont think anyone even knows who she is, and the photo is hot and a fun romantic kissy pose to draw. i figured it was harmless practice. and halfway through the drawing i actually looked at the background. and immediately fucking recognized those stairs. i mean the exact location may be different but those railings i remember. cause i can never forget my friend grabbing my wrist and dragging me down the stairs fast enough that i was very grateful for the railings to hang onto.
i googled and the first time i searched 'diesel pittsburgh' i got this:
which is honestly way better than any nightclub. but then i adjusted the search terms and found
yeah thats basically exactly what i remember but with added weird green glowy pillars. looks an awful lot like the background of the photo too, huh?
definitely the same railings. :( there was a bouncer security guy at the bottom of the stairs who would stop you from going up it. i have no idea how we even got up there because it was the other girls' idea. its not like we were the hottest girls there or something either, we were just a group of carneg*ie mellon nerds. and i was not in the girls inner circle. just tagging along so nobody ever explained decisions to me. this was jan 2012...i hadnt even run into naeem at my dance class yet that happened in fall 2012. i hadnt perfected my dancing outfits, it was freezing and i hadnt realized that even in jan you wear skimpy clothes to run into the club because its always hot in there once you get there. i was in a quarter sleeve dress with flounces and ruffles and my favorite victorian leather booties. not exactly normal club wear. like that girl in the photo? looking way cuter than me lol. i also desperately did not want to be on that second floor. nobody up there was dancing they were just sitting around. i wanted to be dancing!
keep in mind i only ever went to this club once. ONCE. and i remember all of it because it was simulatenously fascinating but also traumatizing lmao. and not because of the group of guys in the vip section, that was probably the only highlight, money fingers dude was at least interesting even if he embarrassed me and cruelly dismissed me so soon after waving me over to talk to him :P (chloe would probably say different after what the other half of the group asked her to do)(not the dude who talked to me he was kind of separate from the main group).
but there's that vip section on the second floor and then below it the main dance floor was full of creeps - grabbing at me, pulling me around - just assholes. all i had wanted to do was dance with my friends and you couldnt do that easily because of all these creeps. and of the girls i was there with - only one i knew very well we can call her "L" and soon after she moved back to her hometown. peter moved to ohio (poor petey)(petey was madly in love with L and she was...not. it was tragic. like penelope level unrequited love. everyone knew he was in love with her except L). and i started going to naeem's underground music events rather than mainstream clubs. (unless cruze counts lol). so yeah i had no reason or motivation to ever go back to diesel.
but i also went out dancing almost every weekend 2012-2017 and wouldnt you know it the only random stranger i ever met that actually stuck in my memory was the dude in diesel. weeeeeeird.
i cant describe the strange dejavu i got when i realized i recognized those stupid hand railings. small world, crazy coincidences, absolutely impossible. on the other hand if it was him, i cant be mad at my past self for being clueless cause even if i had known anything i would have been too shy and awkward to do anything other than maybe give myself permission to stare at him more, and clearly he lost interest fast.
hilariously the places that i frequented in pittsburgh dont have any photos - one place didnt allow cameras or photographs, but the others were just such dives that nobody bothered. but they were more like this:
#the girl who dragged me down the stairs was named chloe and if i had the guts to do it i would ask her#but i doubt she would even remember who i was or that this night happened lol#jrnlsht
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after 5 long months ive logged onto this account. ive cleaned it up of any cluttering posts. i feel a lot of regret for how ive handled certain things and for how harshly ive always treated myself. i had tried to be optimistic on this blog, you can see it, but deep down i was miserable. this isnt a sob story post, it is more of an update and analyzing myself too. because to analyze me back then and me now is to see growth as a person.
tbh i was struggling with a lot of things months ago and even relapsed in things i wouldn’t have imagined i would have. this isnt for validation at all, i like writing things publicly like this, like a note for myself? idk.
i know i would make comments about my mental state back then “how it got better” but that was never the case. it was temporary.
to be quite honest, i will get into the real real gist of it. i had moved out of my parents place like in october of 2022. living with my family has always been stressful, i wont go into that though. my roommate was an incredibly selfish and two-faced person. there were red flags but i either hadnt noticed or ignored them. she was a complete pos, imo, and even reveled in being one. she was even gross and her sister who also lived with us was also gross. i feel bad for her cat bc she wouldnt clean the litter box that much until she wasnt so “depressed”. i am honestly not sure, i put quotation marks bc honestly i feel that she was just lazy as fuck. she was one of those girls who followed trends and went out clubbing a lot and had lots of hook ups. i dont know man, maybe i seem like an asshole but ive struggled with depression since i was a kid and still find energy to clean my cats litter box. granted, i have better coping mechanisms and thought processes and am just in general in a better place mentally but idk i love my cats to death and feel like a dickwad when i even go a couple of hours over with cleaning their litter box. she also didnt try to help with her cat becoming obese basically and stuff, so yea. sorry for the long tangent, my roommate was a dickwad.
after moving out of that hell hole (i wasnt apart of the lease so it was p easy), i think i moved out beginning of february? well, situations happen and i move out of parents place with my bf at the end of february. place ends up being fucking infested with bed bugs and the landlord lady was a bitch and so yea. i moved in and out like 4 times in the span of november 2022-march 2023 i think? tbh, that was all pretty stressful. but i think the good thing out of it was my cats are indoor cats now and i love taking care of them.
while cleaning my posts of clutter, i had a wave of nostalgia both good and bad. it wasnt that long ago but it feels like it. i loved rping hu tao and i think a lot of the reason as to why i could never rp with a lot of ppl was because i was harsh to myself and held myself back. i felt like i didnt properly convey hu tao’s portrayal and compared myself to other hu taos. it is easy to compare because it isnt your writing or portrayal. i could look at myself, be a harsh critique about my looks, but at the end of the day there could always be someone out there that sees things differently. in a more positive and less judgemental light, ig. i also had and still struggle with social anxiety. it has gotten better and perhaps it has helped that ive learned to be more understanding of myself like i am with others.
i love hu tao as a character and always will. and id love to come back to her! but tbh i have fallen out of the game and havent been playing it. i havent played the event including hu tao. i am not sure yet if i am going to make such a commitment to rping again but looking back at the posts made me feel a bit happy. i kinda like how i wrote her, i liked interacting and being goofy.
so, there is that, i guess.
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Slytherin!Rafe Cameron AU
Slytherin!Rafe Cameron x Gryffindor!reader (non-canon Rafe LOL)
you and rafe cameron NEVER got along
you two were always yelling at each other, throwing spells at each other, and even physically punching and shoving sometimes.
it all started when you got accepted as one of the youngest seekers on the gryffindor team in a long time. you were praised by many and had many admirers
he was jealous of your success. he was the same age as you but never received the same hype. it was like his household-- he worked so hard without gaining any approval from his father who only loved sarah.
the rivalry officially started when rafe told one of his friends lackeys to spell your broomstick before a game your first year. you were an innocent freshman then and felt confused when you jerked around in the air
after losing that game, rafe walked by you and mumbled “mudblood” under his breath. you weren’t surprised that rafe was prejudice after hearing the rumors about him
but you werent the type to judge someone before knowing them ...
but now you officially hated mr. hot guy at hogwarts
later that month, you produced a love potion and slipped it into another third year’s drink who you knew had a crush on rafe
crush is an understatement-- she was obsessed with him. and the love potion only made her passion more intense
she followed him around everywhere,.. and i mean EVERYWHERE until the potion wore off
and rafe had too many classes with the girl to avoid her
the girl even snuck into his room and chased off other girls who hit on rafe
to be frank, he was pissed .
the both of you had gone back and forth with mean pranks to each other, but you were seventh years now .. you were almost ready to go into the real world and you didnt have any time for immature pranks
...
just joking !!
you both still hated each other.
anywho
it was the nearing final game of the season, meaning it was you and rafe’s last quidditch game at hogwarts
the tension was much higher between you two than usual
when he saw you in the hallways, he would literally just shove you to the side while you spell his pants to fall down
sometimes that worked in his favor which pissed you off
right before the game, rafe drank some liquid luck he needed it
“god im so ready to crush that mudblood , there’s no way gryffindor will win today”
“rafe why are you still fighting with her, it’s been years!”
“hey she fights with me too”
sarah cameron rolled her eyes at the immature boy but said nothing. she was secretly rooting for the two of you to have an intense love story... but it didnt look like it was happening
the stadium was going wild as both teams walked out. everyone knew and loved the slytherin vs gryffindor rivalry
secretly you loved it too. it gave you some sense of competition
“ok i want a good game students. no playing dirty and all that”
the professor narrowed her eyes at both you and rafe
you guys definitely wouldnt follow those rules
once the whistle blew, the players shot into the sky
there wasnt much for you to do as a seeker until you saw the snitch and you waited for it to catch your eye. you looked at the other seeker who was a sixth year. she glared back at you.
“what are you lookin at, mudblood”
you rolled your eyes at her comment
suddenly, it appeared in your line of vision and you went soaring through the sky. you could faintly hear someone announcing your actions on the speaker, but all you could focus on was that tiny ball with wings
it was so close to you, you could touch it
you held out your arm to try and grab the golden snitch-- your hands practically wrapped around damn thing
“y/n watch out!!”
were the last words you heard before you felt something hit your side, flinging you roughly to the stadium. your back hit wood and you fell to the ground, the sand “breaking” your fall
you could almost hear the audible gasp through the stadium as you dropped from the sky, but all you could feel was pain. in all of your years as a seeker, you’d never been hit with a bludger. you had always kept your eyes peeled for them
you knew someone deliberately hit you with one this time
a whole bunch of professors ran to you
“y/n darling! oh dear, this looks bad”
you felt someone prop you up, but everything seemed blurry and faint. you were going in and out of consciousness
your mouth was dry and probably bleeding, but you could still mumble out a few words
“check my hand”
then you blanked out
you woke up in the hospital wing alone. and you hated being alone.
your body felt sore and everything was fuzzy. your lips were dry and chapped and you could barely move your body
“easy there, y/n. you dont want to strain yourself”
at the sound of that deep voice, you whipped your head to the side and came face to face with ...
rafe cameron?
your curious look turned evil.
“you bastard, you hit me with your fucking bludger!” you wanted to hit him on the head, but your body wouldn’t allow it
“are you seriously that mad?? you still won the fucking game!” he spat back
that made you laugh. he tried his best to knock you off your game, but you still pulled through-- as always
you gave him your best smug look
“youre right. i should be grateful right now that mr. cameron just lost his last game... ever” you emphasized the last words
you expected to same something back, but he stayed silent
you opened your eyes and just saw him staring at you
“what?” you spat. you didnt know what game he was playing at
and for the first time in your life, you saw a look of remorse and confusion on his face
“well if you have something to say, then just say it!” you yelled. patience wasnt your strong suit
he scratched the back of his neck, something you knew he did when he was nervous
“look, i just wanted to say im sorry, ok? i- i didnt mean to hit you so hard”
his confession shocked you.
you never had been kind to one another. ever.
“um... alright”
you and rafe were both bad at emotions
“alright? i apologize to you and you just give me a mere ‘alright’?” his tone made you angry
“excuse me?? just because you apologize, it doesnt mean i have to forgive you!” you didnt even know why you were mad-- it’s not like you meant to brush off his apology, you just were confused
he scoffed and slid back in his chair. it was then you noticed he wasnt in his robes, just his pajamas that were sweats and a tank top (you knew this because you had snuck into his dorm one day while he was sleeping and spelled a bunch of snakes to his bed. they were harmless ofc)
“whatever.”
you saw something flicker in his face that you hadnt seen before.. was it embarrassment? something else?
you were over all the anger that you had towards rafe. you were both 17 and still fighting like kids. all you wanted to know is why
“rafe, why do you hate me so much?”
you finally asked
he paused in his steps, and didnt make eye contact. odd. he was always staring intensely at you. then he scratched the back of his neck
“be honest”
“fine, i was jealous of you alright? you were the golden first year and i was just another first year on the team. everyone paid attention to you i guess and i dont know .. i just got angry”
you tried not to show any surprise, but you were shocked. rafe always seemed so cocky and arrogant, to know he envied you at one point didnt make you feel too good
“well maybe people would like you more if you werent such an asshole” you bit out. you dont know why you said that, he was being vulnerable but he started the rivalry by making you lose your first game. it humiliated you. the rumor was you couldnt even fly properly and people doubted your skills as a seeker
he rolled his eyes and turned to walk away
“wait!” you shouted. he stopped.
you didnt know what you wanted to ask him, but the words toppled out before you could stop them
“why are you here?”
“to apologize”
you gave him a look.
somehow, you felt like you knew rafe cameron better than anyone at this school. you knew what made him tick, you knew what made him nervous, embarrassed, etc. you even knew what made him happy so that you could deliberately not do that
and you knew when he was lying. like right now
his jaw tightened. “jj.”
?? huh ??
“what? what about jj?” you knew rafe didnt like the gryffindor, but he wasnt as mean to jj as he was to you
“jj carried you out of the stadium. he was the first one there.”
you still didnt know why he was telling you this
“um, ok? did he like tell you to come here?”
suddenly, you saw a smile on rafe cameron’s face.
you had only seen him smile like that when he was reading his potions textbook or practicing offensive spells. he never smiled like that at you.
then... it hit you
“wait... were you.. jealous of jj?” you sputtered out
he gave you a now smug look
“i guess? it was a weird development i admit.”
you rolled your eyes
“oh, liking me is a ‘weird development’”
“woooah who said anything about liking?? i just said jealousy. im pretty sure im just jealous youre close to another guy besides you.” he fibbed.
you scoffed. “im close to plenty guys besides you.”
you were lying.
guys hated how much you interacted with rafe cameron and were scared of getting on his bad side. they were cowards-- all of them. there was nothing you hated more than a coward.
“anything else you have to confess to me?” you asked finally, confused of the direction this conversation was going.
“nope. see you around y/n.”
he gave you one of his rare soft smiles and closed the door, leaving you more confusion than you had woken up with
once rafe closed the door, he paused with his back leaning on it.
“guess that liquid luck came in handy”
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron scenarios#rafe cameron x reader#drew starkey#drew starkey scenarios#rafe cameron imagines#rafe cameron writing#drew starkey x reader#hogwarts au#im not rly proud of his one but whatever#and thanks for the likes on my last post!!#i didnt even think i would get any attention lol
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A list of my favourite fictional grey characters (not in order) SPOILER ALERT!
Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time)
There is a reason why Regina is called «The Evil Queen» She was pure evil. A murderer, a kidnapper, a rapist, how could I like her? Well it wasnt before season 3 I started to like her. It took a lot of time. And I suppose I will never fully love her after she raped Graham for...years... and murdered people - children when she was a tiny bit frustrated. I would even say that she is irredeemable. And I thought her redemtion arc was unrealistic in the beginning, and for God’s sake, she should not have been crowned The Good Queen in season 7. But she tried to change so hard for Henry, she tried to redeem herself. Tried to be a good mother for a change. She saved multiple lives and souls. She didnt completely redeem herself, I must admit it. But she tried so hard and I feel like she deserves something from that. She eventually became a very good mother, even though it was a little late since Henry was already 12 when she became one. She was still a bitter bitch and blamed innocent people for unfortunate things that happened to her (Zelena, Mary Margaret, Emma) but by season 7, she became something more than that. She became half good. Grey. And even though she didnt completely redeem herself, she came close. Also, I love her sassy personality, she should be crowned The Sassy Queen, not The Good Queen.
Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon A Time)
The Dark One who after 7 seasons became one of the greatest heroes in OUAT. The man who was known as the village coward because he ran away from the Ogre War and was too afraid to fight for his wife became one of the bravest men. Like Regina, he was a murderer. He was super manipulative with all his deals and the «all magic comes with a price, dearie» thing. He manipulated people into getting themselves killed. Before he became The Dark One, he was a good man with a pure heart. But the power of the dagger took over him and his heart was all black. He was power sick. He always wanted power, but not for selfish reasons. He felt like he needed power to protect his son Bealfire/Neal and his wife Milah, but when he took that power, the darkness came over him and he, after time, became evil. It wasn’t before he met Belle French his heart showed a little bit of light. As he said, she was his light in an ocean of darkness. Their relationship was problematic and selfish in the beginning. He manipulated her into thinking he changed (which you know i detest *cough* James Potter) Rumple loved power more than he loved her, at least in season 4. He too often chose it over her, until season 6 when he started to properly redeem himself. His redemtion arc took over 300 years but it came in the end. His love for her changed A LOT. In the other seasons, his love was unhealthy and selfish. But in season 6 and 7, he changed a lot. This time it wasnt only for Belle, but Gideon too. They helped him let go of power and in season 7, he tried so hard to get rid of the dagger and the power so that he could live a normal life with his family. And after Belle died, he didn’t return to the dagger or the dark side. He helped the good side to defeat Drizella and the other villians in that season. He even became a father figure to Alice. And in the end he sacrificed himself to save Killian’s (Nook) life. And he got reunited with Belle. He is the most interesting character in OUAT, no doubt there.
Sawyer/James Ford (LOST)
Sawyer is without a doubt one of my fave characters from LOST (after Charlie and John) in his background, he was a thief and manipulated woman to believe he loved them, just to take all their money. (Maybe except Cassidy, since he fell in love with her later, but he still manipulated her AND got her pregnant) He’s a real asshole. Buuut - then he became an entirely different (and better) man. He meets Kate Austen and I feel like his love for her changes his character. In the beginning he was a bit of a perve with her (i mean, walking straight towards her completely naked...) he doesnt develope much in the 1 season, but later (beginning in the 3 season) he becomes quite selfless and protective. In season (was it 4? I dont quite remember) he falls in love again with Juliet Burke, and heeeeell, she was good for him. He also developes a nice relationship with Claire Littleton (platonic) he becomes protective of her. He attemts to comfort Hurley after Charlie’s death. In the rest of the seasons he is the born leader. He puts the team before himself (like when he sacrificed his chance to escape the Island) and in the paralell universe he is absolutely the best.
Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
Okay, no he’s not exactly a grey character since he’s a lot more dark than light, but I love him too much to not put him here. Differently from the other character I’ve mentioned above, Heathcliff doesnt have a redemtion. He died an awful person. He abused and manipulated a lot of people. Before he became this asshole, he was a much better person. He was an ass to those who deserved it (Hindley, That bitch deserved to die so young. Edward was a kind man, but I don’t like him, sooo... nevermind) The way he treated Isabella was sickening and awful, she had every right to leave him and take Linton away and hate him. I Don’t like Isabella, but she never deserved to be treated that way. His love for Cathy was unhealthy, but it was true and he would do so much for her. (They kinda remind me of Snily, so ofc I ship it) Heathcliff went through so much trauma in his life and never recovered. After Cathy died, he was practically dead too, then he killed himself years later. His life made me cry for days, especially the ending. He is such an interesting character with so many layers.
Ulrich Nielsen (Dark)
(Before I say anything, I haven’t finished the entire show yet, so this is gonna be short and probably not 100% correct)
To be honest, I don’t like Ulrich at all as a person. I look at him and I see a fully grown up man with no remorse for what he did to Regina as a teen. He cheated on his wife with a woman he didnt even love. He tried to murder a CHILD who hadnt done anything wrong (yet) because he thought he was going to kill his brother and son in the future (okay, i get why he did it. He was desperate to get Mikkel back and the whole time-tarvelig thing was extremely stressfull) BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING A LOT LESS HARMFULL TO PREVENT EVERYTHING TO HAPPEN. Despite this, i love him as a character. He is so interesting and there are times were I have to remind myself why i dont like him. He is brave and intelligent and... so fucking hot as a teen.
Hannah Kahnwald (Dark)
(Again, havent watched the whole show yet)
This girl is MESSED UP. When she was fourteen, she accused Ulrich of being a rapist, which is a very serious accusation and then blamed it on Regina who she knew was a victim of Ulrich and Katharina’s bullying. She is a home-wrecker, and when Katharina found out about Ulrich cheating on her with Hannah and confronted her, Hannah blamed it on Ulrich and said he pressed her and that she wanted it to end, but he refused or whatever, i dont 100% remember the conversation. But she was also a very good mother to Jonas and she was so sweet to Mikkel/Michael. She is a bitch, so much that its impossible to not like her.
Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
Saved the best one to last. The guy my whole account is about, ofc he’s on this list, and ofc this is gonna be the longest text.
This guy is a complete asshole. Always has been, always will be. He bullied Harry and Co (mostly Harry and Neville) he was a bitter and sarcastic bitch. He used to be a follower of Voldemort. Even in his youth he had a lot of flaws. We all know he became the bastard he was due to childhood trauma, mental illnesses and manipulation. I believe he had depression, grief and PTSD. At least in his 20’s he was suicidal, and I believe it remained like that til the day he died, because he had no one to help him or give him support. He turned to the dark side in an attemt to make his life better (as many members of gangs do) but he only stayed like that for two years, which is extremely impressive if you know what kind of person Voldemort is. As a 21 year old, Snape was a very different person from what he was as a 38 year old. If he was the way he was as a 38 yr old when Lily, James and Harry was in danger. First of all, he wouldnt start to try to save Lily by asking Voldemort, he would have went straight to Dumbledore, probably with his own brilliant plan on how to save them. Second, he wouldnt hesitate for a second to save James and Harry to. In canon, he needed to have a personal reason to save them, which was Lily’s feelings I believe. As a 38 yr old, he risked his life to save people he hated (Lupin) This is a great character developement. He went from being a selfish bitch, to become a selfless asshole. He was that kind of person who did anything in his power to protect someone, even if that person had nothing to do with winning the war and had nothing to gain himself.
#OUAT#regina mills#rumplestiltskin#mr gold#belle french#lana parilla#robert carlyle#LOST#james sawyer ford#sawyer#kate austen#juliet burke#wuthering heights#heathcliff#catherine earnshaw#cathy#catherine linton#dark#ulrich nielsen#hannah kahnwald#katharina nielsen#harry potter#severus snape#lily evans#snily
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Headcanons about maddiman's wife:
* name: Joy Nocturne
* her personality is like your classic 'overbearing wife' or 'loud woman' except its not a bad thing and i hate how its always stereotyped as a bad thing. She's confident and outspoken and badass and these are all the things that made Madds fall in love with her. Its also the things that makes everyone else think she's 'such a nag' and start rumours that their marriage is on the rocks, because he 'must be so whipped', etc. And back when they met in highschool everone thought she was a 'typical american thug' who was 'being a bad influence to that poor honor student'. Basically she's used to people hating her personality and she was already secretly doubting whether her husband also found her annoying/bossy/unattractive cos of this. Like she's usually able to be confident in the face of hate from strangers but as she grew to love this man she felt her old insecurities coming back. They were both having trouble talking about their feelings and worrying that their spouse didnt love them...
* oh and BIGGEST HEADCANON: she very much loved him and there was no villain of this story, just a sad tale of two people falling apart due to miscommunication. I think its infinately sadder if they were total soulmates and never stopped loving each other even after this tragic falling out. I feel like Joy just had to make the decision that was right for her son when her husband was never around to be part of his life. And with the way maddiman acted she had every reason to feel like he'd stopped loving her...she didnt leave because she hated him but because she didnt know why he was so distant and thought he hated her...
* She never remarried. She did manage to live a full life and raise their son to be an upstanding human being, but she never forgot about madds and never found anyone she loved more than him.
* She was actually there when he died. The point where he passed out midway through writing a diary entry wasnt actually the exact moment he died, his coworkers found his comatose body and rushed him into surgery. He was on life support for a few days befofe he faded away, having never woken up. Joy rushed over on the fastest flight possible to get to see him before it was too late, but she only managed to arrive in time to see his yokai self emerging and vanishing into the ether. This phantasm haunted her for the rest of her life and she sorta inherited his fatal yokai obsession, in hopes that what she saw was real...
* after her son died at just 17, she became even more tied to the desperate hope of her husband's old fairytales. Ultimately though, she was never able to find him. She actually could have walked straight past him and not been able to see him. And madds wouldnt have recognised her, only wondered why something in his heart says that this particular trespasser in the haunted hospital should be guided to the exit without harm.
* they first met in high school, oddly enough due to maddiman's dad being a massive asshole. Nogut always pressured his son to be perfect and live out all his dreams for him, blablabla, gotta get to the best schools and never get a single bad grade. Joy and madds werent in the same class so they hadnt talked much, and she only recently transferred anyway. But one day Nogut was in school for a parent teacher conference and he was being his usual pissy entitled self, blah blah im too important to be here and my son is the cause of all my problems somehow. So he got uhh.. "Distracted". Aka being an absolute fuckin creeper to underage highschool girls! Thus the day Joy first became friends with maddiman was also the day she became mortal enemies with his dad by kicking him in the balls. And shortly afterwards she bumped into maddiman who was hyperventilating in the same closet she coincidentally picked while hiding from Groinally Harmed Anger Dad. He was having a panic attack from the general stress of his dad being here, and she helped support him through it which became a really valued memory of his, and why he sees her as his hero. Well, that and shortly after when she was like 'lol i just met this total creeper and kneed him in the nads' 'THATS MY DAD' 'geez sorry dude' 'NO THATS AMAZING'
* she also helped him pull off his ultimate escape from trash dad. They had a plan in place for a long time that as soon as he turned 18 they were getting on a motorbike and riding off to Anywhere But Here. But he didnt expect her to literally bring a birthday cake and throw it in his dad's face! And then that was the beginning of their relationship. Madds had totally been crushing on her for quite a while but never knew how to confess, until the sheer awesomeness of that moment made him accidentally squeak it out while they were riding for their lives from an angry old man.
* oh and also there were probably a lot of funny cute clueless moments where it kept going over joy's head that he had a crush on her? I was thinking of a cute idea for a valentines day flashback where maddiman was too shy to give her a box of chocolates and she comes along like "man i didnt get any chocolates im glad you managed to get some!" "U-uhh no i umm..wanted to give them to someone but i...didnt." "Oh that sucks dude! At least now you can eat them all to yourself to help forget that girl. Lemme sneak one, tho!" And thus he ended up sharing the box of chocolates with the perosn he wanted to, even if she had no idea. And it was a very good day!
* also i think considering the pattern of him bottling up his feelings and running from relationship problems, it seems likely that he ran from the altar on his wedding day. But it was also one of the only times ever that that happened and it wasnt super sad. As he does, he got all worked up into a mess of anxiety and convinced he knew the only answer- the stupidest and most reckless answer! So even though he loved this woman he was so scared that he'd be a bad husband that he tried to jump out the window at the last second without even once trying to actually talk to her about any of this. But this time she did manage to find him! All the friends and family were like 'ugh leave him, he doesnt love you', but she knew there had to be more to it so she ran out in the rain in her wedding dress and searched for miles until she found him sobbing in a public bathroom. They managed to talk it out and get to the bottom of his feelings and actually resolved something for once, and it all went okay. It kinda helped that seeing her turn up all bedraggled in the wreckage of the dress she loved so much, bleeding from her tight heels and fighting off several biker gangs along the way helped convince him that "hey maybe she thinks i'm worth fighting for, so i should try and believe her". So yeah then she swept him off his feet and they danced all night as everyone else in the church was all "ugh she looks awful" and "why would she take him back", but the moment was so magical that they just didnt care. And thats how the biggest failure of a wedding was also the happiest day of their lives! (..though sadly the same doubts and communication difficulties would come up again and not be resolved so easily...)
* i keep flip flopping on what career i want to give her, but at the moment im thinking possibly owns a lil bakery/coffee shop type place? Madds is one of those people who cant stand the bitterness of tea/coffee and prefers caffinated sodas instead, but he used to drink strong coffee every day back when he was human just because his wife made it. He loved all the rest of her cooking so itd be cruel to say no! Its a lil detail that i figured would be cute but also foreshadow how he'd meet his tragic end, as it shows he's capable of bottling up his feelings for years even when talking would be so much easier. Also probably a comedic note that he's coming up with nonsensical mad science techniques to make himself able to drink coffee! "Shall i genetically modify my tastebuds or create an undetectable translucent plastic armour plate for my tongue?"
* also maybe she could make cinnamon rolls shaped like madds's doofy cyclops head when they reunite in the future. Just because i want to eat that.
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I need you : Chapter 9
Hi people !
Thanks again to be there! I hope you will love it! This is a short chapter where nothing big happen and still... !!
If you want to read it on ao3, smash my door | °| or keep reading?
“I’m here since
8
Days”
That was the little board in front of Niles was saying. The man was sat on the couch, sorting out the mail. His phone was just near the board. He glanced toward his room as he did so often. His room and then the whole apartment. That austerity started to really bother him. He tried to keep himself busy to stay in this reality. Gavin’s reality. But sometimes, like now, it became really hard.
Everything was pushing him to retreat on himself.
When he had realized that, at the moment where Gavin took out the trash, he had turned off the TV. He didn’t want to stay in front of TV, looking all the time the same documentary. When he was doing something, he wasn’t mopping on himself the problem? He wasn’t able to get up and busy him with anything… He could only do what was within reach.
And it was few things.
When the door opened, he tried to get up but as much he could push on his arms, he felt his legs really weak and let himself fall in the couch as soon as Gavin was in the house. He didn’t saw him but that was okay. The Android came to him and took the empty bowl of soup to bring it back to the kitchen.
“Tonight, I’ll prepare you another soup, you’ll love it, I think.”
“Tonight?”
Gavin looked toward Niles.
“Don’t you think eating more than one time a day wouldn’t be a good thing?”
“I don’t know, Gavin.”
“If you eat well, you’ll have more strength and you’ll be able to do more.”
“I’ve a bad appetite…” Niles remembered.
The Android turned his head and started to make the dishes. In fact, the man appreciated the other didn’t force him. He tried a bit but he wouldn’t do it again and again until he’ll yield.
Maybe in few days, he’ll be able to eat? But not now. Even though that should give him strength.
He could see progress and yet that was already a big change for him…
He wanted to do a lot of things but he also knew he should not hurry the things. He even looked for exercise to muscle his legs and be able to walk again without Gavin help. Though he’d love to throw his arms around his neck any time.
“I’m a little robot, short and strong. Here are my handles, just turn me on. When I get all warmed up, watch me go. Sometimes fast and sometimes slow.”
That song…that soft song. He continued to whisper it, all the time. He did it when he was doing repetitive task, or when he was alone. He didn’t get the song though but still liked to hear Gavin sung it.
When the Android had finish to clean everything, he came in the living room and stretched himself. He still had his random uniform with white jacket and blue lighting. He came next to Niles.
“How is the mail?”
“Sort out.”
“Nice.”
Niles took his phone.
“Do you want to help me?”
“For what?”
“I’d like to bright this apartment. There is… nothing there…”
“Yay! That would be fun! First, you need a Hang in there cat poster.”
“Okay.” Niles gave him the phone. “Choose it.”
“Why?”
“You’re living there too so I think it will be nice if you decorate with me. And I’ve poor taste,” he added with a face.
“Do you think I’ve better taste?” he laughed.
“Yeah? You thought about the poster.”
Gavin nodded but for him, it was a joke.
“You don’t think about a thing? In movie you like for example? People you like?”
Nines thought about that. He couldn’t remember his mother decorating, in fact. Even in his childhood house it wasn’t really bright. The only thing a bit odd he could remember, it was the lot of flowers everywhere. She could take care of them for hours.
“I know what I want.”
“Yay?”
“Let’s take a pic’.”
“Of us?”
Niles nodded. He could upload the photo on one of his tablet and he’ll keep it activate to have the picture. He also could use another for one with him and Connor. Or use a program for the images to switch?
Gavin smiled. “You see, you’ve wonderful idea. I like that. I don’t often take a pic’ with someone but there, I’m really excited.”
“So… it happened?”
The Android glanced to him and shrugged, letting out a little ‘yay’.
“Let’s take that pic’. What do you want? We look like bitch? We’re silly? We’re serious? We’re cop! … No, not cop. Cop sucks. We can be cute also. You’re cute.” He tilted his head with a smile. “And sexy.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Thanks!”
“Let’s take a pic’ that look like us. That’s what I’d like.”
“Then you must pass your arms around my neck!”
Niles pressed himself against him and passed an arm around his shoulders. Gavin hugged him back and when he started to take the pics, they were looking each other because… what looking else?
Gavin stretched as the Human was looking furniture on his telephone. Except the poster and the photo, he hadn’t choice anything. He really wasn’t good at that. Each time, he asked to the Android his advices. But he couldn’t decide. Each time he looked all those things, that seemed useless for him, too bright? Too big? Too ridicule? And when he asked to Gavin his advice… He loved everything. More it was useless, bright, big and ridicule, more he loved. He seemed to think it was the point to decorating.
But he couldn’t. He needed something useful.
And he felt so stupid because he needed so much to have something useful when it wasn’t the point. For example, he even never had a coverlet.
“I can’t do that,” he finally gave up.
“Hang in there!” Gavin said, pushing him at the temple.
“Hm… Maybe.”
“Let’s try from somewhere else. What do you need?”
“I need…”
Niles groaned. He had everything he needed, of course. When he needed something, he bought it and there we are.
“Where did you live when you were cop?” he asked. “What did you have there?”
Gavin looked away and took the skirts of his hoodie to tug it.
Damn. He had made a mistake.
Once again.
“I lived at the Precinct. With the others Androids. We were supposed to be in Standby and used when they needed us…”
“But you…”
“I quickly stopped to go in Standby. But… I wasn’t a Deviant yet.”
Niles nodded. In fact, he didn’t know well the Androids. He had few cases but due to his mother’s relation with them, and Elijah Kamski, he didn’t really know what he should know about them. The most he knew, it was because of case he had with Connor.
That wasn’t much.
Gavin probably knew better than him if he was Deviant yet or not. Thought he’d said he was surely already since he stopped to do what he must do…
“Still, there was nothing there.”
“Then, you should definitely help me.”
“You only ask that because you don’t know what to do!”
“Just a bit.”
Gavin smiled to him. “You can’t fool me!” He bent over him and looked the phone.
Niles was looking for colorful pencil. Why not? It was a start.
“Hm… What room do you want change the most?” the Android asked.
The Human frowned. It was hard. Each room needed to be changed if you think about brightening everything. But he needed to do something important. He needed to change because he wanted to be able to face this world again. He felt so many strange things now. A second he felt he could do the difference, got up and just start to live again and the last one, everything was crumbling in the floor.
It was like trying to do a beautiful drawing with domino in the middle of the storm.
He couldn’t even figure out what drawing he wanted to do since the wind was so powerful.
Gavin stared him patiently, glancing sometime toward the window where you could see the snow. He even looked him as he was pushing back that hoodie. He wanted to rise and turn around the sofa to kiss that LED which never stopped changing its color. In a way, you could think this GV200 was weak but for Niles who never showed emotion because it was bad, that looked so powerful.
Sometimes, he was jealous of his brother because he had so much joy in his live. Each time he thought about him, there was a mix of powerful joy and awful sadness because he didn’t get why they were twin, raised in the same way and still…
“Can you sleep?”
“No. Only went to standby.”
“So you find no interest at sleeping?”
“It’s strange to explain. I can if I want and sometime, I even can… dream? I think?” He shrugged. “Never analyzed that.”
“What are you doing when I’m sleeping?”
Gavin shrugged. “Stuff.” He watched him. “What are you trying to ask?”
Niles sighed and looked his phone. In fact, the Android’s chin was almost on his shoulder and he could feel his warm. That pushed his heart to beat way faster.
“Don’t look at me like that, Niles Stern. I was a great Detective, you know. Dare to ask.”
“Will you say ‘yes’?” Niles said.
“It’s not the question I expected,” Gavin smiled.
“But if you say no…”
“You’re a tiny asshole.” Gavin looked him from toe to head. “You’re a big asshole! Even depress like you’re, you seem to be really skilled to have what you want? Seeing you in an interrogation room was probably really hot.”
“Never watched me doing that,” Niles replied. He sighed and his thumb pressed the screen, now black, of his phone. “Will you be okay… to sleep with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then…” Niles glanced toward his bedroom.
He never had needed a double bed, only a bed for him and nothing else. Yes, he had already brought partner there but he never intended to share the night with them as long as they had receive enough pleasure.
One time, Connor had been there and taunted him a bit because he wanted to sleep with him but except that, he really never had needed a bed for two.
Though he wasn’t sure he really needed one now. Being on Gavin was so good…
The GV200 was waiting for him to talk so he finished.
“We need to have a new bed.”
“Yeah! That’s the spirit! Take the most useless and ridicule one!”
Niles winced a bit. “Do you want? Maybe we could have something useful?”
“But not common. We will have a bedspread really zany.”
“Okay.”
Niles activated his phone and started to look. Gavin didn’t miss he wanted a coverlet with cat and he saw a lot very nice. This one with a bunch of cat, the other black with a white cat, this one with a big kitten. Or this one with “my place, cat’s place” with the cat’s place so big. What about the grumpy cat? The cat doing a fuck? So much! He could have chosen them all. And then, Niles found the ‘perfect one’, ‘really nice and zany’.
A white one with an effect like you had a cat sleeping in the edge of the cover.
“This one!”
“Damn you’re so cute,” Gavin said before kissing his cheek.
“You like it?” Niles asked.
“Yay! And for the bed?”
The man put this bedspread in the basket, knowing he’ll need some blankets and cover and maybe more pillow but first looked after a bed. He felt bold! Gavin was there and he was looking and he thought the quilt he had chosen was zany! He was doing well and he felt a bit of excitation. He couldn’t wait to try that and to send a pic to Connor. He will be so impress!
For the bed, he searched a lot.
He saw Gavin looking excited when they found a hamburger bed but he really couldn’t buy that. And that wouldn’t be cute with the bedspread! They find bed with soft curtains around and he liked that but it didn’t seem crazy enough. However, if he didn’t find a thing, that will be that.
They passed by high-tech and strange bed, even kid-bed like with the mattress in big boat or other strangeness like that.
It was hard because sometimes, it seemed like Gavin was really up for one but he couldn’t. Or it was way too expensive. For example, they both liked the one surrounded by woods but it was ten thousand dollars! Niles didn’t understand of that could work.
Some were funny thought. They laughed at the chocolate-bed and Gavin was really hyped by the big cat though that looked more like a joke than a bed. They found out a bed in a skull and Niles was a bit pleased but he could never sleep in that because it didn’t look comfy at all.
And there, he found something perfect!
“This one. What do you think about this one?”
It was an elevated bed but under it, there was a cupboard, some drawer and bookshelves.
Niles turned his head toward since Gavin hadn’t say a thing.
“It’s not good?”
Gavin bent on him and kissed him tenderly. “It’s perfect,” he said.
“You looked disappointed,” the man said, frowning.
Though, he had a tiny-tiny smile because of the kiss. It was just a peck, something quick but honestly? It was perfect and full of love.
“Absolutely not.” In fact, he was disappointed by himself.
That level of zany was sweet and perfect for Niles.
“Do you think you need something else for your room?”
“Blankets, pillows… What do you think else?”
Gavin shook his head.
“We don’t need to hurry up. This will be already awesome.”
“Okay,” Niles replied.
The GV200 watched him as he was looking for the materials they needed. Instead of white, maroon, black, grey, the Human went for color a bit brightly. He liked the blue-grey since few days and the light blue so he chose those tones.
“I’m really proud of you,” Gavin said softly to him.
And Niles’ heart shivered because… guess what? Except Connor, nobody never said that to him…
#it's on ao3#gavin900#reed900#fanfiction#dbh#detroit become human#gavin reed#reverse au#Nines#RK900#depression#hard themes
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*cracks knuckles* ok so the thoughts are super scattered and all over the place it is almost sunrise but here we go
i fully spent this entire season being like for sure the end twist is gonna be lucifer himself showing up at their door and then things make a turn for the worst that i didnt even Consider for a second that the season finale twist was gonna be the end of the world like i was fully convinced it was gonna be lucifer. there were demons this season, which i thought was pretty self explanatory, the kids who actually successfully summoned ed also seemed like a hint, and then weirdly enough lucy learning to be a better guardian angel
cuz i also thought that bcuz shes eds angel she would get to stay by eds side through the apocalypse as well??? my literal only exposure to the christian apocalypse is spn and for the jewish ver its literally wtsf itself and like the muslim ver is so far removed from anything thats happened in spn or wtsf that i doubt it is at all relevant. so i did fully ignore whatever it was that happened in lucys flashback and thought she would be still protecting ed during the apocalypse (i need to relisten to that ep)
bcuz thats a lucy thing to do yknow??? like even if it hadnt been said in an ask, lucys love language is Clearly acts of service. her learning that she needs to value herself and learning sword fighting really did kinda mentally set me up for like. ok so lucifer might show up even if he cant summon ed traditionally, one of the devils might get back to him re eds location and then lucy would really be able to get shit done
and like i do kinda think thats possible still bcuz it was kinda hinted at so maybe thatll be like endgame season 3 or something??? idk yet
but anyway the apocalypse announcement did make me burst into tears and i havent recovered cuz also like have you considered that ed is only just now being like ok so i might bring ruin to the world but like thats not happening yet so i can keep on carrying on except that it is???? its happening now????? and like idk how its gonna be handled at all but i do kinda feel like maybe the first couple episodes will be panicking and on accident making things Worse but then kinda pulling back and being like well heres a smaller problem we've found lets be a lil more reasonable and solve this and then we're gonna get to big ones. like we're probably not gonna go full tma s5 (unless,,, 👀👀👀) so itll probably be a smaller apocalypse??? vibes wise at least???? but other than that ive got nothing (maybe itll have something to do with good omens which idk much about cuz i know wtsf has referenced it before and my sibling heard me say "ineffible beings" when telling her about wtsf and immediately went oh yeah theyre into good omens)
not to hard pivot from that but i was also angsting about when ed fell,,,,, wheres that post thats like podcast written by tumblr users bcuz this moment for SURE
like to quote from the transcript:
ED: Why did you catch me?
BEAT. Thunder.
LUCY: I didn't want you to fall.
im gonna lose my mind
hey hey hey do you ever think about how. lucy is is an angel and the reason that ed isnt an angel despite being an ineffible being with at least one ineffible parent is cuz at least in christian beliefs lucifer fell from grace, whatever that means in this context. do you ever think about how lucille I Choose To Protect And Care For You Despite Not Being The Version Of Me Who Made That Promise kensington wants to keep ed safe. like falling off a building wouldnt kill ed but lucy is absolutely gonna save her anyways because she loves ed like how in the timeloop it was simply unacceptable for ed to die and lucy actively made her life harder to keep it from happening. and how she was fucked up from that first go where ed died. and how shes contrary and an asshole but shes also just heartbreakingly careful when it comes to ed sometimes. do you ever think about that.
like for sure falling from that distance isnt gonna kill ed. and ed isnt an angel and isnt gonna Fall in the biblical sense. but lucy still wants to protect her from however painful thats gonna be anyway. do you ever think. i think about it all thw time.
i also think about how if lucy was gonna Fall, itd probably be bcuz something happened to ed. like do you think about that. ive got little to no info on how that all works in universe and so ive jumped to the most extreme logical conclusion: lucy might Fall
i mean shes already fallen in love and her pride probably isnt gonna do her in cuz shes working on it (relapse arc maybe??? it certainly fits the themes of wtsf about being fucked up and messy but still actively being kind and taking your own power back from your mistakes and shortcomings) and we know for a fact that the 7 deadly sins probably arent shit in wtsf cuz gabe fucks bb with no issues, lucy can be an ass and prideful without issues and if thats three bunked then the rest probably wont do much in that department either (does linus eating ed count as gluttony. im scared but morbidly interested in the answer to that.) and i am almost certainly barking up the wrong tree here however i am for sure thinking about it
but also selfishly i do think that that trope where character a gets hurt and character b goes apeshit just absolutely slaps and i just think ed and lucille,,,, im holding out for it podcast written by tumblr users please im begging i would also like somehow an ed going apeshit over lucy has ed ever used any powers idr oh no oh no
im also kinda worried about sufi bcuz yeah christians and jews are also people of the book but like the end times are going so much differently in wtsf then how we believe its gonna go down. like it does kinda remind me of dajjal, our ver of the antichrist, but like. not enough??? which dont get me wrong is a good thing pls dont make ed be anything like dajjal i think id literally shit myself but anyway i love sufi she seems so chill all the time i hope she and her family make it thru
i was about to be like yeah im sure ed and lucy arent gonna die but like. is the second coming of christ gonna be in wtsf. will. will he kill ed. ed did appear and make her way to jerusalem after all (even if its in oregon). idk that feels like way more blasphemous like i dont think even spn had jesus christ in it and thats literally the least religious show i can think of that still heavily leans on religion for content. i dunno. i kinda dont think they'll die at the same time like it feels counterintuitive if you know what i mean like it doesnt feel Right
yknow i was really truly like hopefully now that wtsf finished season2 i should be able to drop enough of the fixation to actually listen to other shows but like. my sibling literally did have to make me stand and idly mix something for him while i told him in maybe too much detail exactly how i feel about ed and lucy and the end of the world because otherwise i was just flailing
#i typed so much it wouldnt let me copy paste from my notes app#i had to go section by section#where the stars fell#i also did really fast start reading about the end times for a min there (bad idea)#anyway it is. like 3am#im going to bed#kinda#i have to be up in an hour for breakfast anyway#um. uh go wild#spoilers
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Why do people like Bakugou? I've not finished the series yet, but does he get a redemption arc or mellow out or something later on? Idk I'd like to know why the guy who told Deku to kill himself and bullied him and others has so much love.
y’know, the mangaka himself, horikoshi, once said in an interview he’s actually surprised at how much people ended up loving bakugou, because he was written to be such a horrible, unlikable person. and well, i mean, he is!! but imo, unlikable people can make for some of the most interesting characters in fiction.
first things first, bakugou is a very problematic individual, there’s simply no denying that. he’s loud, obnoxious, aggressive, extremely rude, and yes, he once even told deku to kill himself, which is a truly despicable thing to do. but something that’s very important to understand about all this is that he’s actually very rarely, if ever, praised or rewarded for this disgusting behaviour. his rude outbursts are, more often than not, played for laughs at his expense, his callous actions have cost him on numerous occasions (and it’s happening more as the story progresses), and almost nobody in the class likes him as a person. everybody thinks he’s horrible and unpleasant to be around, and his old friends from middle-school are even shown calling him out shortly after telling deku to kill himself, saying that he went overboard. (as well as deku remarking to himself that it was a very stupid and awful thing to say).
but in spite of all his terrible, negative traits, this boy is also really strong, and smart as hell. he’s got the 3rd highest grades in the whole class, meaning he’s serious about his school work, and he’s unshakably committed to his goal of becoming the strongest hero, and he’s got the strength, fighting skill, and drive to back it all up. he’s constantly trying his absolute best, and while his UA classmates all think he’s a complete asshole, they DO respect his strength, his keen intellect, his skill for tactics and battle, his passion for victory, and it actually inspires them to get them fired up, wanting to do the best that they can do as well, whether they like him as a person or not.
in answer to your question, i think one of the biggest factors playing into the fans love of his character is his backstory. he doesn’t have your typical tragic backstory that an angry, aggressive character of his archetype usually has. there’s no dark, traumatic past. no villains killed his family or anything like that.
basically, bakugou is mentally ill.
katsuki bakugou was a gifted child who was told constantly from a young age that his quirk was amazing, that he was amazing, and he grew up believing it, believing he was better than others, and it warped him. he grew into a self obsessed, cruel, obnoxious child with a superiority complex, believing himself to be the best and that everyone else around him was just trash. his ego, so twistedly convinced of his own ability and superiority, he detested the idea of ever needing help from anybody, which fed strongly into his hatred and, yes, fear of deku, the only person in his life who ever treated him differently.
“you looked like you were asking for help”
and then he eventually enrolled at UA, and the little world he’d been living in finally came crashing down around him as he was sucker punched with the reality that this whole time he was really just a big fish in a small pond, and his superiority complex began to violently twist into an extreme inferiority complex. the rug had been pulled out from his feet and he was now surrounded by people who were just as capable as him, if not more so, and who, rather than worshipping him as the coolest kid with the coolest quirk, actually thought he was a kind of a douche.
not to mention deku, who he believed to be quirkless and the one person he hated the most, suddenly had a powerful quirk as well, and was now able to compete with and even surpass him in ways he never imagined. had deku been playing him for a fool this whole time??
all this clashed very harshly with everything he had come to believe in so strongly, and, understandably, caused him a lot of extreme confusion, anxiety, resentment, and most notably… Anger. his whole life has turned upside down and he has no idea how to handle it. so, being the person he is, the person his life up until this point had nurtured him into becoming, his natural instinct is now to blindly act out very… (excuse the pun)… Explosively.
he figuratively (and sometimes literally) blasts away anything and everything that doesnt agree with his perceived image of how things should be. he’s spent his whole life believing he was the best so FUCK IT, now he’s GOING TO BE THE GOD DAMN BEST!! his classmates dont like him/make fun of him/think he’s a dickhead?? WHATEVER, SHUT UP YOU DAMN NERDS!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYWAY!! deku, the useless, annoying kid from his childhood is now standing in the way of his goal of being number one?? DEKU YOU DAMN NERD, I WILL DESTROY YOU!!
but… what has this aggressive and anti-social attitude actually achieved for him so far?? honestly, very little… in fact, this behaviour has been doing him a lot more harm than good in the long run, not just professionally, but for his own safety, and his mental health too. (i’d absolutely go into a lot more detail here but you mentioned you’re not up to date so i don’t want to spoil too much)
some people might say this all just sounds like an spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum, and i guess on some level, that’s probably true. but in my opinion, the bottom line is it’s not his fault. taking something all might says about him in chapter 121 and expanding on it slightly, i believe bakugou ultimately ended up the way he did through the failure of his upbringing. the failure of the adults in his life. if he hadnt been told so continuously from a young age that he was amazing, and then left unchecked for so long, if maybe people were more firm with him about his behaviour from a young age, perhaps he may not have grown into such an angry, messed up person.
but in spite of all of this, as i mentioned earlier, this boy ain’t dumb. he’s smart as hell. it’s taking him a long time to realise it, blinded as he is by all his confusing emotions, and it’s taking him a long time to work through his issues and do anything about it, but he is changing. slowly. slowly, but believably.
bakugou, in my personal opinion, is one of the most interestingly written characters in the series, and it’s been very fascinating and rewarding to watch his gradual development over the course of the story so far. he certainly hasnt done a 180 or anything, he’s still a very loud and very angry boy, but he’s slowly beginning to change in a number of subtle, nuanced ways. bakugou now is remarkably different than bakugou as you see him in chapter 1.
one last thing to consider, is how relatively early we are in the story compared to the grand scheme of things. i believe i heard somewhere that horikoshi once said a while back that the story was roughly 20% done, which lead people to project the manga would run for approximately 500+ chapters, at least, and we’re only at 146 now at the time of this writing.
bakugou is the 2nd most important character in the story after deku, the protagonist. so much of their development is built around each other, and it wouldnt make sense, narratively or realistically, for a character like bakugou, the way he is and his overall importance to both the story and dekus own development, to change too much in too short amount of time. a character arc like bakugou’s is one that will be played out slowly, but surely, and most importantly, satisfyingly. he will change. little by little. he is changing. he has changed already, and he will continue to change.
sorry this got really long, i just really like bakugou. i understand where some people are coming from when they say they don’t like him. that’s completely fair, liking a character is completely subjective, especially a character as prickly as bakugou is. but i just hope those people know he’s more than what he seems.
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Hi, its Lattie. This is my baby Gabriel and I will have a block of text to read for him under the read more but like ill give you the bullet points. He is a very broken boy (or man child) who hasn’t really grown past this ghost of a boy who has felt he has been slipping away since his grandmother passed away. To hide this, he has developed this cocky rich asshole of a boy to display to the public because at least if you hate him, you arent actually hating Gabe.
— Gabriel Spits is back for spring term! He is a 20 year old sophomore at Levins University. He is a student and studies film. They’d hate for The Director to find out their parents pulled them from college last year after a mental breakdown. [ lattie, 27, eastern, she/her ]
Personality: Gabe is a pretty easy going guy in the long run. As long as he has coffee and nicotine in his body, he can't really find much fault with anyone though he does have a few people he can’t seem to get along with. Overly happy or loud individuals will find that they don’t typically mesh well with his laid back approach, though he has begun to wonder if he is actually so laid back or just merely gotten used to being numb. Either way, he is a rather calm and collected individual that would rather talk than throw punches. He strongly believes that nothing is solved with having an aggressive personality and to keep your head clear and your mind calm, you will prevail. Overly optimistic people tend to bring out his worst though, as he finds their desire to make everything a happy amazing situation completely unreal to what life is about. He doesn’t like to cause trouble though when he is in a good mood so most of the time he will just blow it off or leave the environment that is irritating him so he doesnt have to be involved.
Gabe tries to keep himself up to date with film. This does mean that he is a bit of a film snob as well as a book geek, both not horrible qualities unless your idea of a good date is to go and watch a movie without any talking. Yes, sadly enough Gabe is one of those that whispers during movies, as well as takes notes but those are for his own records. Gabe has an awkward sense of funny at best. He likes the occasional fall of another human being as long as they are neither old nor a child because both those are off limits in his mind. He also really enjoys stupid puns or play on words and his favorite definitely have to be chemistry cat jokes. Who wouldn’t like a cat talking about chemistry with feline humor? He does not, however, find jokes against women or about touchy subjects as something that’s funny and sometimes will call you on your behavior if he feels that someone should.
Gabe has times when he isn't the friendliest individual that ever graced your presence though it seems the older he gets, the longer these spouts of bitchy angry seem to trail on. Truly, he has became a bit jaded with the world around him. He sometimes has a problem coming off rather hot-headed when drinking rum, so its best to keep him to either beer or clear colored alcohols (he refuses to touch wine since he got sick off it at 15) at all times possible though really, he doesn't care about what it “best” for him almost needing a mother to hold his hand and take care of him at all times. His life has consisted of drinking heavily, barely sleeping, hardly eating and work, a cycle he doesn't wish to change anytime soon. He doesn't tend to become physical in these moments but he does become argumentative to the point that his friends used to have to pull him away in fear that he might be punched, which happened more times than he likes to admit. Without alcohol though, he has days where he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed where he will snap when faced with everyday stupidity. He feels the thing ruining the planet is people's lack of desire to learn and their present idiocy when faced with everyday challenges. He will try to bite back his insults but he isn’t promising a super friendly conversation on those days. Luckily he will warn you with a small huff or by crossing his arms over his chest, both signs that he doesn't want to deal with much that day. If you still choose to ignore the warning signs, he will sass back with alarming vigor. Funnily enough you can bring him out of this mood sometimes with a cup of coffee or promises to pay for lunch. He no longer really drinks coffee nor alcohol though he still finds himself smoking cigarettes through habit.
HISTORY
*Trigger warning for self harm/suicide attempt*
The Spits family seemed like the typical, happy, well rounded group with their house with a white picket fence and two lovely children, one girl and one boy. All and all, it seemed they were the picture of perfection on many 1950’s tv shows or promotional poster for a grill or clothing line but underneath their “perfection”, the Spit’s family was full of flaws. Enter stage left the strict and closed minded father, William who uses the same approach in being a father as he does in being a lawyer. Joining him is a lovely mother, Celeste, though more interested in her own success than her children as she appears to be gone the majority of the time. His lovely sister Serena rounded out the family. She’s the prized possession, if there ever was one, always knowing what to say or do. Gabe grew used to the absent parent type of lifestyle, throwing him through a loop when his mother began to get others to run the business so she could write her cook book. Taken aback by her now rather suffocating attention as she began to, at least in his opinion, make up for everything she hadnt been available for in his life. Checking his homework, bringing him snacks, and limiting his computer and tv time became daily activities that he grew to hate. His freedom that he had grown so used taken away while Serena did whatever she wished. Gabe began to fuel a fire becoming self-destructive within its own right. He began to resent his parents though he idolized Serena. She was free and fun and everything he wanted to be and everything he vowed to become.
Gabe knew he would never become like his sister, well at least not in the Spits household. His anger and resentfulness had bubbled into a self-hate. There must be something wrong with him, he would tell himself late at night when he would hear the small rumble of a motorcycle and his sister climbing out her window. He began to grow more interested in film and the study of it. Tearing apart these perfect moments and finding the flaws. He was sure that everything beautiful, like his family, had flaws hidden deep and he was hell bent on finding them. He felt the same existed within himself. He first cut himself right after hitting puberty. It was an accident in the kitchen when a knife slipped as he helped his mother but he remembers feeling release as his mother rushed over and wrapped his hand, bringing it to her lips and kissing it. He began to feel like that was what love was. Maybe the reason their parents treated Serena better was because they saw her flaws. It was never about something being wrong with him, he decided, but the absence of flaw altogether that made him so different and what would be better; speak louder than a rather famous designers son being “broken”.
Caught in his bathroom with bloody wrists and thighs when he was 16 shortly after his sisters graduation, his father yelling for him to drop the knife as his mother swooped in and held his head to her chest whispering about her baby. He doesn’t remember much else since he fell into unconsciousness shortly after. He woke up the next day in the hospital and his parents had signed him up for counseling while they kept him for 72 hours for observation He then spent two months in a psychiatric hospital while his parents said he was off visiting his aunt and uncle in London. When he made his magical arrive back into the spotlight at the end of it all, his parents hosted a huge party to “welcome him home”. When he came back to school, no one knew about what had happened as they believed his parents.
He applied for college in the states to get away from his overbearing mother and spent the first two years partying way more than he should while completely sure he wouldnt make it to 21. Last year, he attempted to kill himself again, only to be found by Axl who notified his parents. They snatched him from school and for a year he was MIA. The jury is still out on exactly what happened as he refuses to talk about it with anyone but he came back quieter than usual and far more numb.
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BLOG TOUR – Ready For His Rule by Angel Payne @AngelPayneWrtr Captain Jo… https://ift.tt/2YKbThj
BLOG TOUR – Ready For His Rule by Angel Payne @AngelPayneWrtr Captain John Franzen. Inside the lines… It's the definition of life for Tracy Rhodes and she has no choice about that. Lines–lots of them–are what happens when one is sworn in as second-in-command of the free world. But the lines are crushed beneath the boots of Captain John Franzen assigned as a special advisor to her security team for a high-profile event in Vegas. The towering warrior with the haunted stare shatters her composure invades her libido and makes her yearn for things she shouldn't. Sweaty illicit things…with her body pinned beneath his… Outside the boundaries… John Franzen six and a half feet of rigid composure on the outside is a lost man on the inside. Why the hell is he even alive? A guy isn't supposed to survive eleven years in Special Forces especially after the crazy missions he's been assigned. Accepting the security gig in Vegas is just a favor to a friend–a way to fill time that's become too damn empty lately. Until the cushy "babysitting job" becomes the most treacherous mission of his life–and the politician he's protecting becomes the woman in his bed. The lover beneath his bonds… The submissive he longs to claim forever. Breaking all the rules… She's destined for marble halls and an oval office. He's wired for dirt and violence. Will her passion be enough to tame his demons…to claim the ultimate wild boy as her own? AMAZON UShttp://amzn.to/2ndKY9i AMAZON UK I iBOOKS I NOOK I KOBO He pulled back watching his hand curl on itself in midair. He thought of all the damage that fist had done to so many shitheads and losers over the years but was now a symbol of utter helplessnessinches from a person he was aching to help. Fate was getting in all its best taunts today. His spirit hadnt agonized this much even when the news about Nichols had come out. And the pain in this stall is about youhow? Easy answer. It wasnt. But no way in hell was he leaving her in here all but drowning herself in several senses of the word. If she ordered him all the way out of the shower then hed abideand simply sit on the tile outside. One puddle for another; no difference to him physicallybut he would stay here for her whether she asked for it or not. Even if it fucking killed him. For now he chose to simply settle back on his haunches. Nearly as an afterthought reached and cranked the spray off. In the eerie silence after Tracy joined her quiet sniffs to the heavy drops of the draining water. John re-balled both his hands hating even the inches between them. To not even touch her let alone resist the baser need to clutch her close Fuck. Waterboarding had nothing on this shit. And the worst part hadnt even sunk in. Shes just following your lead asshole. That was the worst part. In protecting her from his secret side hed been locked out of her secrets too. In shielding her from his darkness shed made sure he stayed right therein the dark. Away from the ability to even give her some light Moron. You. Same sentence Keoni John Franzen. Finally she snuffled with more determination. Jerked up her head a little long enough to slide him a furtive side-eye but nothing more. She pulled her hand all the way back in tucking it beneath her chin as she settled her head against the wall again. I want to talk to Craig. A brutal exhalation left him. His throat tightened. His chest compressed. Hell nothing was comfortable. Nor was it meant to be. I know you do he murmured. Imscared. Screw uncomfortable. Everything was agonyespecially when she wouldnt even let him do anything about it. No. When hed pushed her away out in the bedroom letting her walk away with the impression that he wouldnt do anything. I know you are. At least he had words. Paltry proxies but theyd have to suffice somehow. I have no idea what to do. But you dont have to figure it out alone kuuipo. Her face contorted again though not with impending tears. Her eyes flared with irritation. Dont call me that. He barely repressed a grin. Youre gorgeous when youre all hissy kitten. Yeah? Well I have Tigress claws remember? Fine fine. He held up both hands. Maybe you just want maam again? And maybe you just want me to hunt down a flattening iron. His chuckle was impossible to tame. Her glower went from simmering to smoky. He had no idea there were so many nuances of gray. In her eyes they were all fascinating. Maybe you can just close your eyes and pretend Im Craig. The offer was sincerehe was up for any creative solution herebut her laughter high and biting was nowhere near a vote of approval. Thats so not going to happen. He frowned. Why not? Because Id know the difference. How? John. Her laugh mellowed to a watery eye roll. He suddenly knew how Luke must feel when a test wasnt studied for. Id know the difference between you and any other man. And just like that no more feeling like her teen kid. Feeling everything like the jerk whod probably made the biggest mistake of his life with her earlier and would spend the rest of his mortal days cussing himself out for it. Fuck. Might as well start now. Kuuipo. Her tigress side flared in a swift snarl. What didnt you understand about not calling me that? And what dont you understand that Im only here to help? The backlash his higher ground pick of a reply was still better than choice two: smashing one hell of a kiss on her feisty lips. It slipped. So skewer me. Her regard softened. Its okay. Justbe careful. Now he was the one clinging to his scowl. You dont even know what it means. I can guess by your tone. And thats a bad thing? When your voice alone makes me want to come over there and maul you? Yeah. She glanced again letting her stare linger longerto his intense pleasure. More intense than he wanted to admit but couldnt deny. Not when the heat from his skin met the wetness of his clothes and created a new experience for him. Steam Bathin SenSurround. Tracy. He heeded her requestthe tone was new; perhaps the first time hed ever used it outside a bondage dungeon beforethough its replacement was just as merciless. Perhaps more so. He issued her name as a declarationa command. Nothing hed ever use on his battalion members because this asked for a different kind of obedience. No. Demanded it. What? Shed dropped her head but lifted it again. Her eyes had turned huge as a pair of London moons. Do youwantto maul me? For the first time since hed crawled in here her body loosened. She opened up a little still staring with the moon in her eyesonly now joined by the comets in her energy. Untamed rogue cometsall aimed his direction. Want isnt the word Id use. Flames licked the edges of her voiceand now the length of his cock. Fuck how this woman got to him. How her spirit and sass challenged him. How her desire affected him Tracy. He didnt hesitate about wielding the dungeon command now. Doubly deep three times as severe. Wh-what? Oh yeah. He also liked it when her defiance wobbled a little. What would it be like to make it shake a lot? Get over here and maul me. USA Today bestselling romance author Angel Payne has been reading and writing her entire life though her love for romances began in junior high when writing with friends on "swap stories" they'd trade between classes. Needless to say those stories involved lots of angst groping drama and gooey kissing. She began getting a paycheck for her writing in her twenties writing record reviews for a Beverly Hills-based dance music magazine. Some years various entertainment industry gigs and a number of years in the hospitality industry later Angel returned to the thing she loves the most: creating character-based romantic fiction. Along the way she also graduated with two degrees from Chapman University in Southern California taking departmental honors for English before writing five historical romances for Kensington and Bantam/Doubleday/Dell. Angel found a true home in writing contemporary-based romances that feature high heat and high concepts focusing on memorable alpha men and the women who tame them. She has numerous book series to her credit including the Kinky Truth series the Secrets of Stone series (with Victoria Blue) the W.I.L.D. Boys of Special Forces series and the acclaimed Cimarron series. Temptation Court a new series being launched through the Dark Nights Discovery project debuts in 2016. Angel still lives in Southern California where she is married to her soul mate and lives on a street that looks like Brigadoon with their awesome daughter and Lady Claire the dog with impeccable manners. When not writing she enjoys reading pop culture alt rock cute shoes enjoying the outdoors and being a gym rat. FACEBOOK I TWITTER I WEBSITE I NEWSLETTER Blog Tour
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BLOG TOUR – Ready For His Rule by Angel Payne @AngelPayneWrtr Captain Jo… https://ift.tt/2YKbThj
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You have to make a huge post and tell us all the dreams I wanna hear 👀
omg so ive been putting this off for forever bc iTS SO MUCH but i think ive finally got enough time to sit down and type it all out (this is really long so if you want to read some of them, theyre below the ‘keep reading’)
the very first dream i ever had about bts was about jungkook big shocker there except it was long long ago in a galaxy far far away when i biased tae! it was me and jungkook making out on my bed, like full on making out with tongue and teeth and heavy breathing and everything (fUCK im getting flustered just thinking about it) and then all of a sudden he sat up and whipped his dick out! it was vivid af too so when i woke up i felt like i had really seen his dick. then he got back on top of me and we were about to fuck but mY FUCKING MOM WALKED IN!!!!!!!!!!! SHE COCK BLOCKED EVEN IN MY DREAMS WTF i was so mad at her when i woke up
my second dream (i pretty sure it happened while i was still biasing tae as well) took place in this olden day village on a cobblestone street, i dont remember the story behind it but all i remember is jungkook whipped out his dick aGAIN AND THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING HUGE!!!!!! like abnormally long LMAO i was like O.O and he just kept on stroking it and jacking off and i was like jUNGKOOK WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and then i woke up ���
after that i lost track of the order they happened but i’ll just list them out (btw i know ive had more than this but these are just the ones that are most memorable)
one of the ones that had the biggest impact on me happened the christmas of 2015, and still remember it so clearly bc it was the dream that made yoongi wreck my bias list for the very first time. before then he had been like 4th? 5th? but this made him move all the way up to 2nd O.O
it started out as he and i were dating and i had just finished listening to a song he released where he SANG INSTEAD OF RAPPED!!!! AND IT WAS ABOUT ME. it was such a big deal bc that had never happened before and i was literally crying???? after i listened to it i was super emo and just wanted to see him and love on him and tell him how lucky i was to have him in my life. but when he called to say that he was outside my house to pick me up, i went out there all happy and excited and opened the passengers side door to see hoseok -_- i was annoyed to say the least. here i was on the verge of tears and wanting to spend time with him, and he brought a car full of ppl to accompany us on our date.
i proceeded to squeeze in the small backseat next to an already squished jin, namjoon and jimin. and to make things worse, yoongi was basically ignoring me the entire time to goof off with his friends. i hadnt even gotten a chance to tell him i’d listened to the song he’d just released bc he wouldnt give me the time of day. plus, the topic was too emotional to bring up around his friends. so as we went out to eat and squeezed into that tiny ass booth, yOONGI NOT EVEN SITTING NEXT TO ME, i got the bright idea to make him jealous. maybe then he’d finally notice me.
i did some subtle things at dinner, but nothing too serious until we got back to yoongi’s bedroom and everyone started drinking. i wasnt drunk, but jimin was so he was an easy target for my scheme. at one point he and i were laying down on yoongi’s bed, my back against him and curled into his embrace with his arm slung over my waist and lips lightly pressed to my neck. thats when yoongi saw us and snapped. he kicked everyone out, “that means you, dongsaeng. get your hands off of jordan” he even hissed at jimin and gritted his teeth. “ok, jeez,” jimin had said defensively, to which yoongi replied “thats hyung to you.” needless to say, he was pissed.
once jimin got off of me and i started to get up, yoongi turned to me and said “not you” in a less angry but just as stern voice. i remember being filled with rage, like “oh, so now you notice me?!” yoongi acted confused at first, but once he realized what i was talking about his expression softened and he seemed to feel bad. he silently pulled me into a hug and we laid down on his bed, both sad and feeling guilty at the turn of events. then the dream ended with us both cuddling in his bed, his cheeks between my hands and my waist in his arms, where i told him i’d listened to his song about me and we were both crying and saying how much we love each other and kissing sweetly.
after that, i had aNOTHER yoongi dream in the same night where i had the job of cleaning a dormitory that yoongi lived in. so he was basically my boss, but not really bc he wasnt the one who signed my checks. i still had to respect him tho. the thing was, i didnt speak korean very well (yes, it was a language barrier dream!!) and so he had to teach me some of the words and customs of their culture. a lot of the things i was doing were considered rude, so we didnt like each other at first bc he thought i was bratty and i thought he was an asshole. we fought all the time, eSPECIALLY after he made me call him oppa. i didnt want to show him that kind of respect.
but after a while we ended up bonding the more time we spent together (i was there everyday doing housework after all) and i developed a crush on him. it was unspoken but both of us liked each other, and at one point i confronted our feelings bc it was getting frustrating always having to walk on eggshells around each other and pretend like there was nothing between us. i wanted to be together, and yoongi did too, but then he told me that we couldnt bc he was in bts (which hadnt been brought up the entire dream until now lmao) so basically, it had a sad ending :”)
needless to say, after i woke up that christmas morning i was fucked up.
another one of my favorites was one with tae that i actually wanted to write a fic about when it happened!
i worked at this prestigious company of some sort, and i was in my high-rise building office and had a perfect view of my car in the parking lot below. at one point i was looking out the window and saw tae (who i didnt know at the time) in this black leather jacket breaking into the cars one by one and stealing all the belongings. he was going thru them in order and getting closer to my car, so i panicked and quickly ran down there to stop him.
i reached him rIGHT when he was rummaging thru mine, and i forget the exact dialogue but i remember bickering with him and we were both assholes to each other bc i was mad he was stealing my shit and he was annoyed that i had interrupted him. he told me he was taking everything to a pawn shop, and i managed to talk him out of cashing in all my stuff except for one ring that a family member had given me. he seemed shocked to see that i had it and told me that he had to take it to his boss right away. i was all liKE HELL YOU ARE so i jumped in his old beat up pickup truck with him and rode with him to go turn in it.
it was a long drive and along the way we started talking and figured out there was some sexual tension there beneath all that hatred and next thing i know, im practically on his lap while hes driving sucking a hickey into his neck. and then fucked in his car O.O needless to say, we hit it off.
he ended up parking at the pawn shop where he planned on cashing in all the other items, and for some reason there was a photo booth outdoors in the middle of parking lot on a median???? regardless we went inside of it and tae wanted to fuck. i was super reluctant about it bc i was like tAE ITS OUTSIDE SOMEONE COULD SEE OR HEAR US and he was like “so? live on the wild side a little” like the bAD BOY HE IS (my weakness is bad boy tae ok) and then we ending up fucking in the outdoor photo booth and i woke up!
another one was where i was on this pirate ship trapped as prisoner trying to escape, and i got the help of jin who i think was one of the pirates or something?? idk but i was super skeptical to trust him at first but then we started making out (it escalated really quickly lol) and i remember the feeling of his lips were sO PLUSH. after that im pretty sure i trusted him and he treated me like his girlfriend that he cared about and would keep on kissing me and eventually helped me escape!!
i planned on telling a lot more dreams than this but i dont have as much time as i thought lol :/ most of them are about jungkook tho, and ive had more soft, fluffy dreams about him than i can count on all my fingers and toes. language barrier ones, shy!jungkook ones, boyfriend ones - you name it, ive dreamt it.
my most recent one took place at a water park, and all of bts and my friend and i went on a day trip there. jungkook and i ended up breaking away from the rest of the group and were just being cute and doing our own thing. we would float in the wave pool a lot with my legs wound around his waist and my arms around his neck, and his arms around my lower back holding me against him, and we would kiss and laugh and do a bunch of cute relationship things 😭😭😭 IM GETTING EMO JUST THINKING ABOUT IT
but the majority of my dreams have been romance-based and made me curl up into a ball of sorrow when i woke up bc i know they’ll never be real :”)
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Days is my favorite Kingdom Hearts game but I haven’t played it in a while and I don’t think I ever watched the movie version all the way through! So I watched it and liveblogged it.
I basically have the Saix’s monologue in the beginning memorized
Axel has said “got it memorized” at least 6 times within the first 10 minutes of this movie
Hayner, Pence and Olette run past these literal cult members without even looking
7! 7 times Axel please!!
Quinton Flynn’s delivery seems pretty weird and flat now, which is weird cause I know he can do really well. maybe it was intentional, cause Axel hasn’t started developing a heart yet?
I forgot that my pronunciation of Xion is technically wrong
Footsteps in The Castle That Never Was sound so strange. like they’re walking on metal suction cups.
Axel: Wait did you want me dead? Saix: ... *walks away*
Ah yes Xion’s creepy hood thing that I thought was a glitch until later in the game
What was Organization XIII doing in the 10 years before a Keyblade weilder was available to them?? I’m sure they had plenty of scheming and experiments and mischief but 10 years worth?
THEY LEFT OUT THE BEST PART
THEY DIDNT ANIMATE IT
“ROXAS THAT’S A STICK” I NEEDED IT
“As long as we keep each other in our thoughts, we’ll never be apart!” yall forget each other
8 times
Axel is so bitter about/to Saix oh my god tone down your salt man
The Chamber of Repose and the Chamber of Waking. I don’t remember which is which but one houses Aqua’s armor and the other is Ven’s body, right? So one’s in TCTNW and the other is in Castle Oblivion.
It just clarified, Chamber of Waking is Ven, and in Oblivion
Can Saix and Axel’s objectives really be a secret from Xemnas? Saix is norted after all, and even though he has most of a free will at the moment, he’s still possessed.
IT STARTED PLAYING THE OLYMPIUS COLISEUM MUSIC AND I HAD BAD FLASHBACKS
“[the memories of my past] have never done me any good” because they instilled loyalty to a norted jerk?
“i can deal with 7 days maybe” well just break my heart roxas why dontcha
Axel spends his rare days off sleeping #relatable
9 times
“try not to bungle everything-” WHAT KIND OF WORD IS BUNGLE
ARE YOU GONNA ASK THEM NOT TO RUSTLE ANYONE’S JIMMIES TOO AXEL?
“you’ve changed” i can vividly remember Axel saying “i’m not the one who changed, you did” in response to that, but its not in the movie. maybe it was actually a journal entry?
“why are you dressed like one of us?” Xion, honey, your uniform is the most well known form of protection against dark corruption of the heart
Of course Organization XIII has no way of knowing that, bc they were deliberately lied to
This is the scene that made me hate Riku. Watching it again after i’ve fallen in love with him is quite the trip
“You’re the real sham!” “Fair enough” Riku bby no your self-hatred is showing
*Xion screams* BBY NO
“’Special?’ Isn’t that another way of saying I’m a mistake?” XION BBY NO but also #same
“According to Axel, girls are complicated and there are buttons to avoid pressing” ah yes, i forgot this part. don’t worry Roxas, she’s just upset because she’s a girl and girls are weird, she’s not having an existential crisis or anything!
“Roxas ate alone after missions.” where’s Axel though??
the love conversation may have been a great thing to animate but that’s fine square, just tell us about it
And so Axel’s lies begin. He was just trying to give Roxas hope, I can’t wait to remember how this all got twisted and horrible.
Did we fight the Zipslasher in this time skip? I think we did. I hated the Zipslasher gdi
Axel bridal carrying Xion is what got me started shipping AkuXi. Don’t ship it anymore though, really. Maybe in AUs when they’re closer to the same age
Saix: “Did it break again?” Me: XION’S NOT AN IT
Roxas: “Xion’s not an it!” oh yeah thanks Rox
“does the past mean nothing to you” Saix you’re the one being an ass
10 times
omg please tell me he does it 13 or 14 times
Almost all the books in the Organization library look the same; plain white binding. y’know, cause aesthetic.
Flying in Neverland would have been a nice animation too but whatever
This is why you dont hang out in high places kids!
the scene with Axel and Xion in Castle Oblivion is one of my favorites
Story time: Axel’s explanation of the sunset helped me pass an earth science quiz, cause i was out sick when we learned about light but i was playing days while in bed
THE MINDSCREW DREAM
i still have no idea what it means!! or even who was having it!
Neither Xion nor Roxas knew Zexion that well, and that seemed like Riku’s memories, not Sora’s! so WHY
aw i was too angry as a child to realize that Riku was looking for a way to save them
what has Saix done that make you think he has any mercy Roxas
Xion, Axel probably wasn’t gonna fight you if you hadnt attacked him, the first chakram was a warning not to stab Roxas
“i’ll bring her somewhere safe” thats all you had to say Axel
So Xemnas did call him Sora. Way back when I thought he may have said Ventus.
now you screwed up Axel
DiZ is the worst
"i know you’re not just a puppet.” ;~;
11 times
“I saw a boy today who looked just like Roxas” i thought she meant Sora but Xigbar was spying so was it Ven? I mean it should be Sora but....
Also, Xigbar spying!
“nor become the person we see” not everyone sees Xion as anything though, not even at this point. What do you see, Xemnas?
just kidding i’m pretty sure its Ven
why wouldnt you want two Sora capable people?
like tbh if you spent your time balancing Xion and Roxas’s powers instead of pitting them against each other they would have both stayed in the Organization at least a little while longer
the older i get the more i relate to Xion, bc i too am afraid that i will wreck everything
“do you hate me for taking your friend away from you?” “nah. i guess i’m just sad.” ;~;
now i see why people ship RikuXi
i can dig it now that i love them both, still a little weird to me though, i gotta warm up to it
Riku is projecting, i never realized
“you have to do what’s best for everybody” cause so does he, even at the expense of his own life
and he doesn’t want to have to tell Xion that, but he does, and maybe he can do it to someday
that illusion would have been a nice thing to animate, especially since i forgot it happened holy crap
leave it to Axel to do his best to save the day
Give me Lea sadly turning in the WINNER stick in KH3
or even better, give me Lea cheerfully turning in the WINNER stick with Roxas, Xion and Isa at the end of KH3
Xion said it this time but i’m gonna count it, 12
im super mad about the fixation on memories making everything okay in the end because EVERYONE FORGETS AND I HURT
I KNOW ITS ON PURPOSE BUT PLEASE
what is Diz’s purpose, just to order these kids around? he’s a huge jerk, why do you listen to him
he’s telling you to murder people
i mean they need to die i guess but wouldn’t both of you feel better if you came to that conclusion yourselves instead of this asshole telling you you gotta
though they are both kids and i guess there’s a comfort in an adult getting a final say
still DiZ is bad news and i don’t like him mistreating all the young’ins
Axel’s dancing between the truth, trying to be gentle and trying not to care too much resulted in literally the worst explanation ever no wonder Roxas got pissed
Why was Riku just chilling outside Beast’s Castle and how did Xion end up in just the right place to portal in front of him
i don’t REMEMBER XALDIN’S VOICE BEING THAT ODD
also #rude Xemnas, Xion is a she!
good to know most of the Organization thought of her has a person though. or a Nobody at least. an equal.
Were there more than 2 Replicas? oooooh that could be a good plot twist
Xemnas was insistent on calling her an “it” but uses “she” again when giving Axel the task of getting her back, a dialogue inconsistency or a deliberate manipulation?
There’s an implication that Demyx and Xion talked a lot thats adorable
At least now we know why they were insistent on having 13 people even before they had 13 Nobodies
Axel walks away from conversations almost as much as Vax’ildan
Roxas: “Could it be that you knew for a long time, and never told me anything?” Axel: I walk away
I still don’t get why Riku transforms without the blindfold, and how “his eyes couldn’t lie” is a valid explanation
Riku was projecting, he thinks he has to die
13 maybe? Roxas said it, but also accusing Axel of not memorizing it
Axel told Xion the truth and she left. Axel kept the truth from Roxas and he left.
That sucks.
~cause i’m leaaaaaavin, never to come back again~
“you’re Kairi as Sora remembers her” come on you can’t tell her she became her own person before she dies?
Namine is being kind in general though
I ship it
“i know. i’m ready” ;~;
they’re solving the problem themselves and DiZ walks in pissed that they’re doing what he asked. Almost like a real parent!
MY FAV SCENE IN THE WHOLE GAME
THE VOICE ACTING
THE BODY LANGUAGE
YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT
you can also almost hear Axel’s abandonment issues developing even further!
this day is just titled “Tears”. Accurate
I just realized Xion was trying to get Axel to kill her first
but he couldn’t do it
she got Roxas to do it instead
Memories of Xion going static and fading are the WORST
Roxas did break Riku’s arm or something
yes hello i look eerily like your boss now
I wonder if Axel/Lea ever looks back on his conversations with Roxas and notices a hole. An awkward silence where he and Roxas are just listening to nothing. Laughter after a beat of quiet. Looking at something that isn’t there.
literally why is everyone just okay with DiZ he’s a total jerk
in II DiZ acts like he figures out that Ansem is actually Riku. Here he doesn’t question that Riku is 2 heads taller and his voice is 2 octaves deeper.
The rooms in KH are so nice
Well there it is. the end.
WAIT
“Got it memorized” and close variations were said a total of 13 times in this movie
11 by Axel, once by Xion, and once by Roxas, as a denial.
I’m so mad
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ok, taz theory time, my apologies if this is like, obvious or w/e
my best guess is that this entire story isnt our fav protagonists first go around.
at one point, they did the entire dealio of finding the relics, getting inducted, w/e, working on the bureaus side. but before they could complete their mission, something terrible happened. maybe one of them died, maybe their world got damaged beyond repair, idk, something went very very wrong.
so the remaining members, at least magnus, potentially the others, take up the side of the red robes, and use the temporal chalice or whatever the last relic is (either they didnt have the tech to destroy them at that point, or they just hadnt gotten around to it. i want to note, i think they probably havent done it in this order? but theyve def. lived this life before) to go back and reset shit, to back before they all got into this, prior to HTBG.
and then whoever situated this loop, again, at least magnus, possibly the others, goes back and like. edits the flow of things to the path of least destruction: brining june/jack to refuge is the given one, bc june is the Least Destructive Person to get the chalice in this timeline. i dont think that its out of the question that the others were swung into place as well; i feel like the relics are things you really really have to look for, and dont just like, stumble upon. i mean, i think it’s possible that some seemingly random citizens would be able to snag them out of the blue.
im mostly talking abt sloane and lucas: sloane was busy doing battlewagon races and being in lesbians with hurley, i feel like she wouldnt have been able to do the kind of investigative research required without like, fucking vanishing and hurley would have noticed and mentioned it in-arc, i feel? but maybe if shes the strongest person to be able to handle it, shes the path of least destruction: shes able to be stopped. same with lucas, hes a socially inept asshole nerd who has been at least voidfish-ed; i very much doubt he’d have the kind of network it looks like, from what the director’s told us, is needed to find the shit, or that hed be able to enact this without the bureau at least catching on a little bit? but if the philosopher’s stone was prone to going all virulent-transmogrification on everything, then putting in on something off planet makes sense! maybe he thought lucas would pass that along to lucretia, or at least not transmogrify shit beyond repair. which he didnt! everything he did was fixable. not ideal, but definitely not as destructive as these might have been.
we dont know how leeman kessler got the oculus in the first place, being a bureau employee he was probably able to handle that, but its possible that RR!thb had to steer the group to angus, a major fucking player in this, and orchestrated his death or w/e so that ango could be led to being inducted. its also possible that he guided gundam rockseeker or w/e his face was to the phoenix fire gauntlet, but that also might have just happened without interference. the wonderland elves also already had the animus bell, so probably no interference there.
this would all be done with the end goal of allowing the relics to be destroyed without everything going immediately to hell; thb would have extra resistance to the relics due to repeated exposure (maybe?), and if there are multiple voidfishes in existence, RR!thb could have fed alllll this shit to the baby, explaining the mass static patches in all their memories.
wrt to the friendly red robe telling magnus that the info on the scroll would make it “harder to protect him” at the end of T11thHr, im thinking that was trying to ensure magnus didnt think that him “switching sides” was a foregone conclusion.
TL;DR: magnus loops time after he becomes a red robe bc shit got fucked, and orchestrates the placement of the relics so that our current run is the least destructive and most likely to result in the relics getting boomed that it can be.
im probably way off base, and there are probably holes that are able to be poked in this, but this is my best guess rn. idk.
#the adventure zone#thezonecast#taz#real life mango#meta time#theories#the adventure zone spoilers //#taz spoilers //
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cadence and carlos visit her ex in jail
@pcnumbras
britt Cadence was anxious about seeing her ex but grateful that carlos was going with her. Her nerves on top of the baby were making her uncomfortable. Carlos parked and Cadence got out and waited for him, her nerves making her impatient. Once he got out, she grabbed his hand, “Thanks for coming with me.”
tess Carlos wasn't looking forward to this meeting. He didn't know how it would effect Cadence to see the man who attacked her, multiple times. But she felt she needed to do it, so Carlos was just glad she let him come with her. At least then if she or the baby had any sort of distress he would be there to address it. "Thanks for letting me come. Are you sure you want to do this? Its not too late to just go back home."
britt She nodded her head, “Yeah, I’m sure. I need to close this chapter of my life. Permanently. It’s not as simple as hey he’s in jail it’s over.” She spoke softly, resting her head on his shoulder. “Maybe when we get home we can eat ice cream and you’ll let me give you a massage for once because you my dear need one more than I do.”
tess He sighed nodding his head. "Okay. If this is what you need to do to move forward, then I support you." He said, wrapping his arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder. He nodded his head in agreement, opening the door to the prison for her. "I think I just might let you do that. " He smiled.
britt “Thank you. It means a lot. I know it’s not really something you pictured yourself doing. It’s not something most spouses would probably do at all knowing that it could potentially have a negative impact on the other.” She smiled, walking inside. “Thank you. You better let me. You spoil me, let me spoil you.”
tess "I just worry about what he's going to say. This is about you getting closure, and I don't want him to say anything that would make that not happen." He said, shrugging. He followed her inside the building, nodding his head. "I like spoiling people, but I suppose I could share in the fun." He smiled.
britt “I’ll be ok. If I’m not, then i will end up being ok.” She assured with a smile. She walked inside as the security guard patted her. She grinned, “You better. It’s nice to get spoiled.”
tess "Just promise me if you aren't okay you'll tell me. And if he starts getting nasty or inappropriate you shouldn't stay and listen to it or give him the satisfaction. He let out a laugh, nodding his head as he took the keys out of his pocket, and let the guard pat him down as well. "Okay, and after this we both get spoiled by going out to dinner."
britt “I promise. I love you for wanting to always protect me. Thank you.” She smiled, kissing his cheek. She let out a squeal, “I’m down for dinner. I ate like 2 hours ago but I am starving.” She said, taking a quick glance around as she waited for him.
tess "Husband, best friend, protector, they are titles I wear proudly." He said, smiling. It was weird to carlos being in a prison, and definitely not what he had pictured. "Thats because you're eating for two. What are you craving tonight? Or should we just do buffet to be safe?" He said letting out a small laugh as he followed Cadence and the security guard.
britt “You know, I could say the same. Wife, mom, best friend. I’m pretty proud to wear those titles. Wife is probably my favorite.” She smiled. She laughed, nudging him gently, “Buffet sounds amazing.” She said, following the security guard. When they got to his visitation area, Cadence reached for Carlos’ hand, as more of a confirmation that he was still there.
tess Carlos smiled, nodding his head, "I think mom will be your favorite once the little one is here." Carlos like the buffet because if Cadence was craving something, they would likely have it. He liked to keep her happy, especially with all the hormones racing through her that came with being pregnant. Carlos squeezed her hand when she reached for it, "I'll be right here. Just say the word and we go."
britt “Probably. Same for you though. Although father should be your favorite now.” She smiled. She loved when he spoiled her. Truthfully, she loved his presence more. He squeezed her hand and she felt herself relax as they approached Jake. “Hi.” She said sitting down and Jake grinned. ”I didnt think you’d come.”
tess "Its a pretty great one." He said laughing. Carlos didn't sit down, but instead stood beside her, holding her hand. He wasn't going to give the man the respect of looking into his eyes. His body was tense as he spoke, his smile making carlos want to wipe it right off his face.
britt ”You brought your body guard” He stated and Cadence rolled her eyes. “Husband but yes.” She tugged at Carlos’ hand, letting him know it was ok to sit down. Jake chuckled looking up at Carlos then smirked. ”He married you? Even though you slept with my friend and got paid for it?” Cadence shook her head, tears already pooling in her eyes. There were things she didnt want to think about in terms of their relationship and that was one of them. “You’re failing to mention the part where you told me to once before and I said no so you beat the shit out of me and put me in a coma for a week so yes, I got paid to sleep with your best friend because I was scared shitless about saying no.”
tess Carlos shook his head as she tugged his hand, he didn't want to be sitting down. Hearing Jakes voice made him angry and the way he talked about Cadence disgusted him. He knew his wife and he knew that she wasn't the woman he was attempting to paint her as. He jaw tensed when Cadence said that he beat her up for saying no. He wasn't usually a violent guy but Carlos wished he could knock his teeth out right there.
britt ”What was going through your head that night?” Cadence chewed her lip as she thought over his question. Jake grew impatient and slammed his handcuffed wrists on the metal table which caused Cadence to jump. “I um...I thought about how I wouldnt get to marry him..” She said nodding in Carlos’ direction. “That I wouldnt get to meet my grandkids, that my daughter would lose another mom and I’d be damned if I let that happen.” He smirked, nodding his head. “I try to forget but it’s hard because I’m reminded every day.” He shrugged his shoulders. ”Good.”
tess Hearing the metal clang together starled Carlos and his hand instincively reached out between Cadence and Jake, in protection. He let out a sigh at Cadence's words, knowing that he too was scared of loosing Cadence that night. He hated that she was reminded of the pain of that night every day, but he hoped that talking to him would help ease that a little.
britt Cadence smiled, looking up at Carlos then back at Jake. “I think one thing I’ll always think about is when we were at my parents and I told them about something incredibly stupid you did and you took me into the bathroom and choked me. In the same house as my parents. That was ballsy.” He chuckled then looked up at Carlos. ”She ever do shit like that to you?”
tess Carlos let out another sigh, there was so much that this man had done to her that he didn’t know, and each new thing made him feel angrier and sadder for Cadence. “A real man doesn’t ever put his hands on a woman. Ever. You’ve never been one of those though.” He said through gritted teeth.
britt Cadence sighed, “A real man doesn’t lock his girlfriend out of the house and let her sleep in the cold but he did so.” Jake shrugged his shoulders, ”You should have kept your phone charged.” Cadence wiped a fresh tear away, “What did I do? For you to do to me what you did. Because if I did something to piss you off I’m sorry. I mean, I shouldnt be sorry but..” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged her shoulders. ”You were easy. You trusted me. What made you decide to leave?” Cadence didnt bother to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks, “I was 15. I’d have probably trusted anybody. Uhh....that second hospital visit. I realized after that, at almost 30 years old, that what you did to me, was not what I deserved. I gave you years of my life that I’ll never get back.” She looked up at Carlos then back at Jake, “But I thank you because I dont think if that visit hadnt happened, I wouldnt have gotten the courage to end things and if I hadnt ended things, I wouldnt have met Carlos and if I hadnt met Carlos, I wouldnt be the happiest I’ve been in a long time so again, I say thank you.”
tess Carlos sighed, shaking his head. When Cadence said she was sorry, Carlos frowned shaking his head, as if to tell her that it was NOT her fault. He listened as Cadence continued talking to him. He knew she needed answers to these questions, even if she might have already known them. Carlos smiled when she looked up at him, before looking at Jake. Hoping that maybe the asshole would feel some guilt, or at least hoping for a way to rub it in his face that Cadence was thriving without him.
britt ”So you’re happier now?” He asked and Cadence nodded. “Yes but it’s more like I’m finally happy. I dont have to watch what I say, what I do. I’m having a baby with a man who loves me so I’d say I’m pretty darn happy and like I said, I have you to thank for that because you taught me that I deserved so much more than what I got being with you. With him, I got a whole family and I know what it is to be loved and I couldnt ask for anything better than that so like I already said, I thank you. For showing me that I deserve better.” Jake shook his head, ”What happens when he cheats on you?” Cadence raised an eyebrow and let out a laugh, “I can assure you he wont and if he did, he wouldnt beat me for confronting him about it either. Maybe you’re incapable of love so you dont know what that word means but I am happy to inform you that it is the greatest feeling in the world and I pity that you will never be able to experience it.”
tess Carlos smiled at Cadence, and he gave jake a smirk. He laughed when the man asked what would happen when he cheats, shaking his head. “We’re both fully satisfied in that department. I’d never cheat.” Carlos was proud of Cadence for finally saying what she needed to to him. He didn’t feel any sympathy for Jake though. Jake deserves every punishment he got.
britt Cadence took a deep breath, nodding her head. “Ok, I’m content. I said everything I needed to and I needed you to see that you didnt break me, so for that, I’m sorry to burst your bubble. But I’m happy and I will forever pity you.” That wasnt what Jake was expecting and he was caught off guard. ”So what? We’re done?” The look on his face caused a smile to form on her face. “I said everything I needed to so yeah we are.” Jake nodded, ”Cadence, I’m sorry that I was unable to kill you.” Cadence felt her throat tighten and nodded her head, “Yeah, I am too.” She spoke softly and stood up from the chair. “I have nothing more to say to you other than you tried to break me but you failed and you’re stuck here.” He smirked, ”You know, it would certainly be a shame if something happened to you or your family out there.” Cadence raised an eyebrow before letting out a laugh. “You know, if you still had friends, I’d actually be kind of terrified but you dont so I’m not. You try anything with my family though, and I will end you. Personally.”
tess Carlos let out a sigh of relief that they were finally about to be done with this asshole. When he said he was sorry for not being able to kill Cadence, Carlos body tensed up again with anger, but he stayed where he was, holding Cadence's hand. He smirked at Jake raising an eyebrow when Cadence said she would end him personally. She'd taken all the power from Jake, and he knew it. "If we ever see your face again, you will be dying. I promise that too. I happen to be very good with a scalpel. " Carlos said shrugging and tugging on Cadence's hand so they could leave.
britt A small smile graced her features, listening to Carlos. She was relieved when he tugged her hand and they could go and she got out of the chair and pulled on his hand, walking out of the room. Once down the hallway, she let out a sigh, “Thanks again for coming with me.”
tess Once they were far away from Jake and Cadence spoke, Carlos let out a sigh, letting himself relax a bit. "Of course. I hope it gave you everything you were hoping it would." He said. He couldn't wait till they were out of the building and far away. "I'm sorry you can't join me, but I really could use a drink after that." He said chuckling.
britt She nodded her head, “It did. I feel...better.” She let out a laugh, heading towards the door. “Go for it. Have one. Have several.” She responded with a smirk. “I’m sorry you had to hear some of that..”
tess He smiled, kissing her cheek, "I'm glad. Now we don't ever have to come back here." He laughed smiling when she said he could have a drink, letting out a sigh "I wish I'd have been a little better prepared, but I want to know. I need to know when something could be triggering for you so that I can be careful not to do it."
britt “Thank goodness. I dont think my mental state could handle it. I almost had a mental break down.” She chuckled then shrugged, “I should have told you. I’m sorry. Triggers are...not important. What else do you wanna know?”
tess "Really?" He asked, surprised when she said she almost had a mental breakdown, "Well it didn't show. You seemed completely cool and confident and I'm proud of you for facing your demon." When she said they weren't important, he sighed and shook his head. "Yes they are. You're my wife, I want you to always feel comfortable in our home and safe. "
britt “Yeah. I just kept telling myself that I’d have someone to go home to afterwards. Someone that makes me feel safe.” When he said he was proud of her, she smiled. “Thank you. That means a lot.” She let out a sigh and nodded her head. “Alright but you cant treat me like I’m a baby or that I’ll break ok?” She asked then chewed her lower lip. “Um, certain tones and certain sounds like metal clanking together and certain grips on my wrists. What else do you wanna know?”
tess "Well of course you do. I'm glad I make you feel safe though." He smiled, nodding his head. "I won't treat you like a baby, I promise. I mean, I'm gonna baby you a little bit, but thats because you're pregnant, not because of any of this." He said, giving her a soft smile. He nodded his head as she spoke, letting out a sigh. "Okay, I'll try and remember that. I mean I don't know? I can't ask about what I don't know about."
britt “I feel like I dont say it enough but I’m grateful for you.” She spoke softly. “Thank you. I dont mind you babying me because I’m pregnant.” She chewed her lower lip, “I should have better prepared you but I wasnt sure what would even come up. He did put me in a coma for a week.”
tess Carlos smiled and shook his head, "You say it all the time, my love. I'm greatful for you too." He laughed, nodding his head, "Good, because its an area where I'm kind of stubborn." Carlos winced when she said he put her in a coma for a week, "I'm sorry he did that. I promise I will never put you in a coma."
britt “I just dont want you ever thinking I take you for granted.” She shrugged. “Oh, I know, believe me.” She laughed. “I know you wouldnt. I uh...also didnt sleep with his friend willingly. It was kind of...forced upon me. I just dont um...want you seeing me differently.”
tess "I don't feel taken for granted. I feel very much loved and appreciated. You feel the same I hope?" He smiled, letting out a laugh and looking down for a second when she said she knew how stubborn he could be. "Cadence nothing in your past will make me see you differently. I know you were in a situation where your life was at stake. Even if it was willingly It wouldn't bother me. I may have only been in love with 2 women, that doesn't mean I've only been with two women, and I know that doesn't matter either. I love you for who you are now. The strong woman who just looked into the face of the man who almost killed her and didn't show him an ounce of fear. "
britt “Good. I’m glad to hear that. I feel very loved and appreciated. You show me everyday.” She smiled. She was grateful that he still loved her despite what he heard. He believed in her so much and it meant more to her than she could put into words. His words brought tears to her eyes, “I’m only strong because you help me to be.”
tess Carlos grinned, “well that’s my goal, and I plan to keep it that way for the rest of my life.” He smiled, opening the car door for Cadence, “Hey, don’t cry. You are strong because you are you. I’m not taking credit for that. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with what you did.”
britt “You do good work.” She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. “I dont mean to cry but I mean it. You helped me to become this person I am today. Honestly, if it werent for you, I dont think I would have had the strength to make it through that night but I did because I didnt want you or Laurel to lose someone else that you love.”
tess Carlos let out a sigh, shaking his head. "You were strong before you even met me though. You survived that monster for too long. I really wouldn't be able to handle loosing you, though. So I'm glad you fought through it that night for me."
britt “I believed there was something better out there for me and I needed to believe that and I found it.” She stated smiling. “The feeling is mutual. Losing you would be something that I couldnt handle. But I assure you that I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
tess "I'm so glad you did. I mean I know you think you're lucky, but I think I'm the lucky one. I thought I'd be single the rest of my life, and then I found my soulmate. That doesn't always happen to people." He smiled, taking her hand in his, "I'm not planning on going anywhere either."
britt “We’re both lucky to have found each other. I love when you call me your soulmate. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I never thought I’d find my soulmate either and I’m very lucky to be your wife.” She smiled, looking down at their hands, “Good. You better not.”
tess "Its true, you are. You know me better than I know myself. I also do enjoy making you feel warm and fuzzy." He said with a big grin. "So do you still want to go to the buffet? Or just home? I know you must be hungry, but I get it if you don't feel up to going out anymore."
britt “I could say the same for you. It’s scary how well you know me but I dont mind.” She grinned, “I’m starving but afterwards I would like to go home. I’m drained, emotionally and mentally and physically. But I want food.” She laughed
tess "I think thats what makes us perfect. Cause we don't always have to say everything, we just know." He shrugged. "Thats understandable. Lets go eat at the buffet and afterwards we will go home and watch a movie and relax. And I will let you massage my shoulders, if you let me massage your feet. Deal?" He smiled.
britt “I agree. That’s pretty important I think.” She smiled. “Sounds like a deal to me. A pretty darn good deal actually.”
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