#well maybe i am hating a little bit
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ca n we all agree that human bonnie would not be a baker btw
#idc what gary does he's boring either way#but pb pbubs peebles is a scientisttttt she does scieeencceeeee#i mean baking is a science in a way but she'd be doing like... biology and chemistry n shit#a bit of physics#i mean sure baking as a hobby. but it would noootttt be her main thing#this isn't f&c hate bc as previously mentioned gary can do whatever the fuck he wants as long as he does it with minimal screentime#well maybe i am hating a little bit#i dont think i hate gary thaaat much actually its just that pb is so much better in every conceivable way and it makes gary so so#hard to care about in comparison#and he does not really read as a pb variant at all tbh... completely different personality. which is fine i guess#maybe they did that on purpose bc tbh pb's personality and everything would not work if she was anybody other than princess bubblegum#ykwim?#just wouldn't hit the same#wait moment of realization. i think i just like every other adventure time character too much & i need a punching bag
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The original in the bottom
Plus the picture I mainly drew but decided to draw the rest for funny
#thats not my neighbor#milk man#just tried to draw something in my mind to post along with saying some updates#monday the people are gonna give my grandma the keys to the house! while i have to stay at my aunts place for wifi for school#(online school)#my moms gonna be moving things out of storage into the house! AAAA I CANT WAIT#also little welcome home update#im not sure if i said here? wait nevermind i just remembered while typing (it was that i got barnaby and the pins) AAA silly me#also im making a little julie out of clay (if i wake up and their messed up i am NOT redoing that😭)#the legs are a little messed up because julie was gonna be the size of an hatsune miku figure on accident so i chose to shorten her a bit#only because im not sure if im gonna make the others too AND because theres no way hes gonna be THAT tall😭#also! im making easter art#yes its barnaby and wally again just for fun! but a few changes like keeping their regular outfits because i cant think of anything else!!!#why not the ones in the old easter drawing? welllll a follower said that wallys outfit looked a bit familiar to another not so good thing#it wasnt on purpose just an accident because i hadn't notice BUT im glad i know now so i can be more careful!#im not sureeee if im gonna finish the easter art OR the julie clay thingy but I'd love too! and honestly HOPE to#high chance i will (well maybe the easter art could be late or not)#maaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA trying to think if theres anything else but cant! ill try posting this hoping my wifi wont hate me...#also i know i said this account was for welcome home posting but i didnt have any cool welcome homey things to put here gahhhhh#ehehehhe once i get my new room and its allllll just me#imma post like crazy (wellll that IS the plan so i hope)#even if its little dumb posts#by the way this post was gonna say on top “i know i said this account is for welcome home posting but TAKE THIS FOR LITTLE UPDATES”#just removed it because i dunnooooo just didded#hehe didded
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did u all say hello to poppy tonight
#mi hija 👭👭👭👭 shes my best friend we braid each others hair (she hates me)#have been thinking a lot abt her lately. she is genuinely my favorite ever ever ever forever#hiraeth? nope this is a poppy kim space only she is the reason hiraeth was created anyway LMAO!#might revamp her a little bit once i am less busy. im content but there are some stuff that needs fixing#especially now that i included the murder plots. maybe even remove the aes a bit from the world me and oomfie built 😔#need to revamp yvan a bit too. i really want to make it more obvious that they are each others equals in rl too#not only in the groups lore#hope vs love. kinda crazy that hope is rather jealous of love when that is such a lousy emotion to own#hope everyone has been doing well :)#my muse hasnt been with me lately but i really want to finish some asks @-@ maybe next weekend
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FIRST SNOW OF THE YEAR!
#normally i would not cheer as i am not winters biggest fan and a lot of snow can be annoying#however. sometimes the first little snow can be delightful and well snow is fun. its fun to see it#although it looks a little windier out than id like#was it last year when everyone was freaking out that nyc wasnt getting any snow??#im also so fucked up on what time of the year it is for some reason im like wow snow in november#like no you just had your birthday and its almost christmas its december you idiot#i hope the snow sticks around at least until i get out of work so i can walk in it#like i may hate the cold and new york city. but darn if it isnt a little bit nice to walk in it when its snowing#ok now its really windy. and that's less fun#its been like what 500 years since this area's had snow on christmas. maybe just maybe.......????#saying that i remember snow at christmas as a child like lets get you inside grandpa#im also taking a glorious week off work next week which is much needed#people are annoying me so much <3#so for a wonderful week they won't be my problem!
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So all of a sudden I may be moving out of state in ten days
#I hate all of this#it's happened so fast#Earlier this year I WANTED to move#I don't do well in my state during the winter for mental health reasons#If I move it will be to a better job than the one I had#but none of this is happening on my terms#and I'm leaving my friends who have become like a second family#I STILL HAVENT HEARD BACK FROM JOBS I INTERVIEWED WITH#and my parents sprang all of this on me tonight#I'm 24. This should all be my choice#but somehow it's not#sorry for the rant#I am on the edge of insanity it feels like#I've been having a panic attack all day basically#I am going to leave my friends who I love and be with my stressful family unless something better happens fast#And I'm freaking out a little bit guys#I just want ONE THING to be in my control#one tiny thing#absolutely fuck my life#you know what maybe I should've died when I was 20#at least that would have been my decision#for the record this is not me being suicidal#I'm not#just feeling a bit despondent at the moment
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my dad and i used to sing billy joel’s piano man with each other at every family party. like not actually sing it like perform it with each other but it was on every playlist at every party and when it came on we’d stand in the middle of the room and sing all of five minutes and 38 seconds of it together. because my dad’s been the biggest billy joel fan since the dawn of time and i learned the words because it was his favorite song. anyways over the last couple of years i obviously rarely attend any family parties but when i do ive noticed that they still play piano man but he never looks for me to sing it with anymore. he’ll sing it with his cousin or his friend or my 3 year old cousin that obviously doesn’t know the words because she is literally 3 years old. and i know that this is some bizarre kind of punishment because that is who he is as a person so i try not to think about it. of course this is relevant now because on our rsvp for the wedding i (stupid) left a space for song requests and my dad did of course request piano man. and now i have to decide whether or not i want to put it on the playlist.
#al talks#on one hand i say no and i’ve been firmly no for over a year#because i will not let you emotionally torment me on MY WEDDING NIGHT#but.#on the other hand.#i’m sad because the last time i sang it with him i didn’t KNOW it would be the last time i ever sang it with him#and i KNOW that this would be. and maybe it’d be nice to have one last good memory of it.#but then i think no this is obviously emotional and psychological warfare#this is not my father suggesting the song because of all the good memories we share#it’s him making sure the song is on the playlist so he can be the center of attention at my wedding and prove to everyone#that we still have a functioning relationship and he is actually the best coolest dad ever#so.#the answer seems obvious.#but then he will say daughter why didn’t they play piano man and i cannot say well father because i think you hate me a little bit#so obviously i will lie and say oohhh that evil dj forgot to play the song i very much requested! oh no!#or he will tell everyone i am an awful evil child that clearly doesn’t love him anymore because my evil mother poisoned me and therefore#i didn’t play billy joel at my wedding#SIGH.#it’s 2 am so i must overshare obviously
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why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?
#this is a genuine question btw I need advice bc I'm STRUGGLING. idk why everything makes me frustrated and angry#when I'm around my parents and it's SO hard to be kind and respectful to them and my sister#but so easy literally everywhere else#I hate that I'm like this I wish I could genuinely be a nice person but apparently the person#I REALLY am is the horrible selfish lazy brat I am with my parents.#even though it feels 100% easier otherwise APPARENTLY the real me is the one I revert to at home#but being nice away from home comes so naturally?? so is THAT the real me??? idk what to do I'm so frustrated right now#Lu rambles#can my mutuals please weigh in bc I feel like a terrible horrible emotionally illiterate person rn#bc of a conversation in which I fought with my mom over the fact that I have a hard time respecting my middle school aged sister#bc I don't want her (bold. confident. sometimes a little bit of a brat as well bc humanity) thinking she can walk all over me#the way she acts always makes me feel like she thinks she's better than me but maybe it's just my mindset. bc I KNOW#that my middle schooler sister IS better than me in most ways and I HATE that. how can someone#so much younger than me be better than me at basically everything she sets her mind to?#and how can I ever have confidence in myself when I know that's the case??? it's so frustrating!!#ugghdnfnsngsmkgnskfnskd I need advice and prayers. and probably to go to bed early tonight.
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#i was so happy today...#i got up so excited because it's sherlock & co day#because i get to listen to it while i work#when i finishe actual work i get to draw some cool fanart i'm planning#it was all so fucking great#and not even 3 hours later i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest...#remind me to never discuss my mental health with my mother never fucking again#i forgot about her WONDERFUL take of ''everyone is a little bit autistic''#and her AMAZING ''people shouldn't give name to the way people is'' (aka sexuality and how the brain works (aka being gay or being autistic#it's insane to think i come from this woman#now her FANTASTIC take that autism and adhd are diseases or illnesses#i just want to die#how the fuck could i ever possibly talk to this woman about my feelings or thoughts when this is what i'm up against#and yeah sure you could say ''educate her'' i can't! Everything i say#based on fact or sience or research or anything gets met with ''well that's your opinion. my opinion is the opposite''#and i never get to drill it into her brain that her OPINION doesn't fucking matter when there are FACTS!#she's the embodiment of the ''that's my oPiNiOn'' vine#and i fucking hate it here!!!#and maybe its true that people who say ''we're all a little bit autistic'' is because they actually ARE autistic. maybe that's true#but i fear she'll never believe it the same way she doesn't fucking believe ME#i hate this#i want to fucking die and never have to speak to another human ever again#fuck working happily while listening to sherlock & co am i right?#angel talks#personal
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also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry
#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want#but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4#but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit#and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes#bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out#but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack#and how many of the packs could be consolidated#genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy#and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple#worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy#i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha#world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar#or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr#IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions#and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible#bc of the loading screens#it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3#well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other#ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer#but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world#where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works#i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door#am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones#skull Fuckk i ran out of space
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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like half of my mutual's otp's are my notp and I laugh abt that to myself so often lmao
#said friends would absolutely NOT be able to guess that LOLL#well. maybe. but not rlly#[laughing in my super evil castle tower] I'm still VERY NICE to people that like stuff I hate ANDDDD I give them little gifts too#so evil MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAH-#ohh I love the totally-super-evil-hater bit it's so stupid#YEAH I'M SECRETLY A HATER. ISN'T IT SUPER EVIL THAT SAID HATER IS GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO STILL TRY AND MAKE THE SHIPPERS *HAPPY*??#SOOO DIABOLICAL#yeah I'll tag this as#me ramble#honestly if u got this far into the tags. wow ty for being interested in me yapping abt myself#but SECONDLY what im burying in here is that I think I should be congratulated for being able to grit my teeth and still make full drawings-#-of said ships for said friends. obv u don't gotta I'd just like that bc no way am I gonna tell those friends that I hate the ship but drew-#-it regardless for them [especially bc when I type that out I can see that it sounds super pretentious lol]#who is even reading these like ty for reading my yap abt me LOLL I love yapping sm#my gc nickname on discord is Professional Yapper
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hate how much of a pussy i still am about certain foods
#dreaded eating my fucking lunch today because i had a grain bowl with apples and kale and celery in it and i thought i'd fucking hate it#but it's fine#it's a little bit crunchy. but it's fine#i probably won't get it again still but#well. actually maybe i will. idk#i wanna talk about me#for an annoying pretentious foodie fuck i sure am a pussy about eating food sometimes.
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Sorry for the empty blog, it's been hard to keep up lately. I haven't been feeling well and my phone has been having issues. I've also been having more hallucinations than usual, and they have been much more involved than I'm used to. I'm still here, and I still want to post!! Things might just be quiet for a little while. Thank you for understanding 💕💕💕
#cielings keep breathing and i keep seeing people walking around ._.#not even shadow people anymore. well i still see shadow people but ive been seeing more like. normal human people.#glimpses of arms waving or someone walking by.#AND THE BUGS!!! GOD I FUCKING HATE THE BUGS!!!!!!#i am worried i might have an episode and im getting nervous about what might happen since it seems i am getting worse :(#SO if i start posting weird shit. please understand i am simply hot n sexy n insane.#(< i am trying to make jokes because maybe it wont be so bad if it is funny)#once again fighting off delusions with big sticks but honestly. what if im right ya know? much to think about 👍#wildly unrelated but allergies have been kicking my ass lately and im also a little bit normie sick :(#batty blogging#text
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everything is shit i feel like shit, hatred in my heart and soul
#sorry to vent but also i'm gonna do a vent fuck you#i've been feeling so blehhh this past week#and like. yesterday afternoon and today i felt like things were getting better#and the something like. rlly minor happened and like. it's entirely thrown me off again and i hate it!!#i don't know. *how* to make things better cos it's almost entirely like my mental state fucking up#rather than like. actual events i can focus on#i've just been so. ://////////////////#and like. yes there was probably an event that kind of. made things worse#but it shouldn't have been that big of a deal#also i'm so fucking tired all the time!! if you know me you know i don't get up past like 11 each morning#so i'm fucking getting enough sleep. why am i like this#i just. feel like shit. even going on fun little walks isnt helping anymore#i dunno. like i said things were getting a bit better. i finally managed to get myself to go to the gym which i hadn't for over a week#that helped a bit. and work acc went well today and yesterday#i'm just. ehhh i hate that something so minor can throw off again and now i hate everything and i want to scream#sorry as well that ik i'm leaving a few people hanging when it comes to replying to messages#i'll try to get round to it just like. no energy. feel like shit. you know#just. i hate that i'm feeling like this i want to be productive i want to do stuff cos ik that's gonna help#and i actually was starting to build up good habits but it's just all fallen down recently :((#i dunno. maybe i've got fucking reverse seasonal depression or something (not actually this is called a joke)#cos my winter was rlly good#or that's just. the way of life. if things are good for a while they then have to be bad again for balance#which i understand but don't like >:((#anyways. yh. shit sucks. i hate that i am being like this. screaming crying throwing up etc.#bear with me a while till i can find my feet again#marchibald's
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