#well its not super negative but you know- for tagging purposes

[spectascopes]

I might take a break from fandom stuff for a while, I've been feeling incredibly inadequate here lately and I'm not even sure why. Writing stuff For Me and For Fun has led to this weird place where a lot of my stuff is, yes, made for myself, but also not... objectively Good as a fanwork for the video game UNDERTALE? Which it doesn't need to be and having fun is the most important part, I know. And people are very genuinely supportive of my stuff and I appreciate that! But I keep thinking "I should pivot to making things so and so would like, I should write better stuff, I should-" and it's like woah, hold on, why?

I think part of the problem is that I KNOW I'm pretty good at writing, and crafting a story, and all that stuff. But I don't really push myself with my fanfictions because I'm writing really really self-indulgent stuff that ends up being similar to the 500 other stories I've written, and again- there's nothing WRONG with that- but I feel pretty stuck and like the many tens of thousands of words of fanfic I've written haven't... amounted to much? HAHA I mean, some fics I'm proud of. I think I'm going to keep writing the Papyrus/Reader story because it's a lot different from my usual schtick and pretty fun to work on.

Sighhh anyways. I'm just rambling and unsure of how I feel. Maybe I should try writing a "serious" UTDR fic (in terms of quality) and see where it goes. I do TRY with all my fics but they're usually planned chapter-by-chapter with a very vague idea of where the fic will go and what it'll accomplish- I don't usually sit and plan out, like, character arcs and intricate stuff like that. Whomst knows. Thanks for reading!!!