#well im not super into it atm
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god i miss my roleplaying days
#it was deadass the only thing i would do all day#my old rp blog is still up but im not in the fandom it was made for anymore#well im not super into it atm#life is so hard for me#azzy.txt
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Was makin a muscle study for fun and it wound up being that sunset shimmer anthro design I made because I'm delusional. good times. And of course I got carried away and didn't stop there
Twilight is ready.
#yeah I'm on that delusional grindset#completely in my own head about these characters#in too deep#it is what it is#the least marketable mlp anthros lmao#my fault for giving rarity big booby#sunset shimmer#twilight sparkle#pony posting#anthro#furry#beefy#I think drawin backs is an art#I'm on this comical situation that my art is super inconsistent atm lmao. 'cause I'm threading the waters of whats marketable#so i can keep food in the table#and it seems pretty consistent that what I like drawing is not well received#so thats same as it ever was lmao.#I'm getting a bit tired of drawing in general tbh. Diminishing returns#Also to those that get it yeah the scars are there because she lost her demon wings#thought itd be fun to symbolize#Im drawin this character like she can do re4 flipkicks
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some of my favourite hunger games pages from my sketchbook, mostly from 2023 and also Annie Cresta centred, bc I was doing a comic about her at the time
#got a new scanner by suprise#like real suprise#bc the neigbour called my mom at like 11pm asking if she want a scanner with printer bc they are throwing it away#and mom was like yeah sure why not#the school is killing me at the moment so thought why not post old sketchbook things since I don’t have anything new finished atm#Like last week i've slept total of 21 hours across the whole week#and normally my naps sometimes are like 18h long if im really tired#like i know that bragging how little sleep someone get is super cringe#But if you scroll long enough you'll probably find things from my hamilton phase i didn't delate so if I really cared about being cringe#I should take care of that first#well anyway#the hunger games#thg fanart#hunger games fanart#thg#fanart#annie cresta#annie cresta fanart#finnick odair#finnick odair fanart#mags flanagan#mags fanart#johanna mason#johanna mason fanart#colored sketch#sketchbook art#sketchbook page#my art#my sketchbook#sketchbook dump
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thoughts about johm marstlin
#i'm so insecure about my art atm in this community since i have no idea the atmosphere of it so i#might delete this later if i get in my head too much about it or it starts getting negative attention#he's so fun to draw though#i've been having lots of fun trying to stylize new characters since switching fandoms again#so :] yay for that and having fun and playing and drawing !!#also about the bow legged headcanon#javier is the same cuz hosea carried him around on his hip a lot as well as javi's mama back home in mexico#(and also kieran is too but that's cuz he's been riding horses SO much since he was so little but that's kinda irrelevant)#also my style is very inconsistent cux im just trying to have fun and be loose ! my digital drawings have been super stif lately tho ugh#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#john marston#rdr#red dead redemption#art#hero draws sometimes#image
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Binged the entirety of Flogging Molly’s discography, and while listening to Every Dog Has Its Day I felt the muses start beating me with a stick to go draw the depressed dragon dad (so here he is)
#my art#DnD OCs#Lockwell (NPC)#dragonborn#Jack Bellam Lockwell my dearly adored; I would kill for you even if our characters have no reason to atm#I love him. Just a leader of a republic. Absolute mess of a man. Dad of an entire nation.#Soon. I will doodle you and your husband. I prommy. You deserve happiness. I just have to figure out how to draw YOU#I may be a dragon but that does NOT mean I’m good at drawing us shjfyurnej#which means! making a playlist time!!! already have a Rollo and Eno playlist (as well as a Davy Jones one but shhh)#might as well make Lockwell one!!! he deserves it! as a treat :]#(Its gonna be SO much fucking Flogging Molly dude)#side note; its hidden by the fire a bit but im SUPER proud of how I foreshortened those hands :]#rea rambles in the tags#rea’s trash
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Tw eyestrain
This is for the draw this in your style by @ricky-tiki-tah ^^
I wanted to do this wayyyy earlier but i was busy with stuff
Hope ya like it ^^
#markiplier#tw blood#the host#toust does art#dude ive had such trouble with the line art like it just looked OFF man#but its looking good now#acctualy im really proud of this one#aside from the blood#like it acctualy looks like mark finaly#anyway yea i struggled with the blood and i still dont like how it looks but oh well#anyway the stuff wasnt anything serious just preparations for an event at my village and then vacation and then stuff with me going to my-#-first year at university/college#idk the difference in them honestly in czech its just one word#oh yea im studying to become an english teacher!#super excited coz english is one of my favorite things in the world#which is why im bumed about the floods and the semester having to start a week later coz people arent able to get to school coz everything-#-is under water#oh yea the whole weekend it was POURING here in the whole country#were fine where i live atm but the rest of the republic is like sheeeesh#anyway im done yapping#id be surprised if anyone read it til here#u know that one post that is like:#the post: one sentence#the tags: so it all started in 2003-#this is that lol#anyway enjoy our boi host imma head out#bye ^^
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i'm not gonna get into this whole thing because i don't think getting like insanely outraged is all that helpful and i think just waiting to hear more is best but yeah this sucks and i hope they work on their organization structure because clearly it fucking sucks
#bell.txt#discourse#i cannot say im surprised i never thought it was super well-organized but it does still blow#also the way people always seem so hungry for stuff like this REALLY bothers me#like y'all seem desperate to grandstand about it and i dont think that does anything for anyone atm#but yeah it's upsetting and i hope they fix things
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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms
yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.
anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).
but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.
im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)
whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.
of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.
otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.
#rezero#tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison#in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH#recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not#understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom#he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws#atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom#for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me#kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating#and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate#also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask#i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom#bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated#very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn#i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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I dont think yall know just how fucking much i have to reserve myself when i text them
#like I know nothing super extraordinary is happening atm but like... im a touch/attention starved bitch who doesnt know how to process shit#like they finally started typing a response this morning to my tattoo question last night#and when I tell you my neck fucking snapped in the direction of my phone as soon as I heard the snap notif sound......#im not even fucking exaggerating. I literally had to force myself to wait a few to open it bc if not i wouldve opened it the second it sent#at one point my phone was in the kitchen & I was in the bathroom. I heard the notif sound & the response was immediate & pavlovian#I dropped what I was doinf & made a beeline for the kitchen. again made myself wait a few minutes to open it#the urge to geek out & keyboard smash & send a ton of emojis when i text them back is overwhelming#I feel like a fucking teen with a stupid first crush. kill me please#on one hand im like stop being so fucking cringe on the other im like. I wasted my teens/early 20s not letting myself catch feelings#im in my 'fuck it im going to enjoy my life & have fun & not take shit so serious & not hide my true self' era#I spent the last 3 years basically self-isolating self-loathing & in a massive depressive episode#thinking abt driving my car into a median almost daily & telling mself I'll never allow myself to feel or get too close to anyone again#granted I still have a lot of personal/emotional issues I need to work on but im so fucking proud of myself for making it out alive#I told myself at the start of the year that I was going to live in the moment & enjoy what life brings me. Well. It brought me this#and dammit im going to eat this shit up with gusto & a grateful heart because im ALIVE & im happy/having fun!!!#and when eventually this chapter ends im not gonna let myself spiral & hate myself like last time#Instead im going to be happy & thankful that I was able to live & feel & love & enjoy the experience#im fucking worth it damn it#that's all. im a fucking cringefailloser sap & although I lowkey wish I was more normal about it at the same time i dont#emma rambles#personal
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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silly funy wip
#i havent reread i feel sick in a While i am too scared too... like i KNOW it probably didnt age super well but still..........#i have the comics like . in my shelf atm i can Read them but erm.............i wuold much rather be nostalgic#and draw Angsty Woman Of Oldge Comics Yore#gonna redo the furniture in the bg... i like th squiggly lines but i want them to be smaller -_-#frank art#this is still VERY unfinished i wanna say like 40% done bc iim wanting to practice more hogwild lighting moments#i feel like my arts been stagnant so im just drawing Different stuff and focusing on backgrounds or lighting or Something#(i Should work on perspective but i . Cannot . i will probably become evil)
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oh speaking of penacony i need to 3 - 3 go look at all the content theyve been putting out for it. i think they also released the black swan trailer? or something?
#snow plays hsr#well at least thats one thing to look forward to#i have less than hour before classes start today so im just :I stuck atm#but clearing out likes atm#and attempting to have breakfast but thats not going super well
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U still around..? Miss ur blog. Hope ur OK.
aaaa i can't believe im being missed :'o <3 im so sorry im not online as much anymore, i miss you guys too :( im more or less ok though, ive just noticed that my visiting of this website has been pretty compulsive when im not doing too well tbh, and ive recently decided i need to get out of this ditch that ive been in for the past idk 10 years or so for real and that it requires energy and mental capacity etc that i don't even really have in the first place so ive deleted the app from my phone and only check my account every now and then :'( i hope i'll be more active in the future though.... pls never hesitate to shoot me a msg if you feel like it, as i said, im still online every now and then just to check what's happening lol
lots of love, hope youre doing ok too<3333333
#ive literally lost touch to every meme and international internet discourse reference in the span of 2 months or so i feel so old lol#but yeah no idk im still dating r and it's a lot of work but really really nice and healthy and it actually made me look into#therapy which is super demanding atm as well but really ive been normalising a status quo that was really not good for me#and like ive turned 27 last month....ive been struggling with undiagnosed and unmedicated depression + anxiety for the bigger half of my#life ive had a huge breakdown in september where i felt like i put every last bit on the line and i realised that i cannot keep sabotaging#the people around me that i love + care for (and myself too) so yeah im trying to be more healthy atm and nicer to myself and thus to other#and i felt like while i owe A LOT to this community and this app it's been eating every deeper thought that i have recently#i guess my brain is too prone to addiction lol but i just cant afford that rn#but catch me on here in a few months i guess ghsdfjgskjdsgf#me#ask#anon
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u have talked about not loving the cheebs but they being ur main income have u considered raising the price so u can do less of them? sorry if u talked about this idr seeing any text
Ya! Ive been raising prices, I think theyre good where they are right now though and raising em further would just start to be unfair especially since im having. A really weird art moment right now and can Feel that the quality is like. Not. Worth. Any higher. Ykwim. I dont render or shade enough for them to be worth more and also i feel im losing my grasp on Cute lol...
im very much trying to figure out other comms i can do instead to take a short break from chibis but weird art mood just hit at the worst time bc. I. Idk. I feel my stuff isnt really Anything even after a few years of improvement
#i took chibis as a break from regular comms bc regular ones wld make me have meltdowns bc my art was so ugly#started easing back in with bust and sketch comms but i still! have those issues...#i wanna try ref sheet comms but idk i dont have any faith in my stuff at all. i always feel like im cheating people#i always feel so bad for producing not very good stuff for the amt of dollars i charge#but still feel bad when i lowball bc i need sum dollars to survive bc this is all im ''good'' at...#😞 sorry. last nite i was hit with bad art mood now im. well im not doing super good with it atm#anonymous#skunk mail
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How often is too often to reblog your own fic lol
I dont wanna be TOO annoying
#its doing ok i wasnt expecting it to go super well engagement wise#i know the way fandoms operate and if its a one shot and its not heavy ship focus it doesnt do that great lol#so im pretty happy with where its at atm all things considered#but i am shameless and i will self promote
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