#life is so hard for me
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god i miss my roleplaying days
#it was deadass the only thing i would do all day#my old rp blog is still up but im not in the fandom it was made for anymore#well im not super into it atm#life is so hard for me#azzy.txt
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Heyyyy 15 years and counting
Past college
Still living w parents
Part time job
Um. In pretty much any definition thats a loser no one wants contact with
This is temporary. You have not stagnated. You are not a failure. You will heal, you will recover, you will have a beautiful life. It is waiting for you.
#life is so hard for me#but maybe im just lazy#i work all day#just not at paying things#take me this long to figure what i want to do#but im scared to take the next step#BC ITS TOO LATE#and in any case i need to move out first#i want masters degree#but how can i do that still at parents#need to be out 1st#do social things which i havent done#running around driving is already roo much for me#and im not even disabled that i know of#mentally#i want to do mental and creative things#no one respects me unless i have authority experience expertise#mYbe not even then.... bc im . 40 (choke) in oct#too late#how can i do international relations masters when i barelt leave the house#see the irony there#but how can i face ppl if i dont have something to prove im not a loser and just livinf at my parents 15 y
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I WANNA PLAY REGRETEVATOR BUT I HAVE A TODDLER TO WATCH.!!!!!!
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i have so many drafts and i'm trying to physically restrain myself so i don't post all of them rn like i don't wanna spam the tags but i just wanna talk about louis and the 1million thoughts i have about iwtv 💔
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I want to be corrupted into a total sex obsessed freak sooooo bad. I want to be forced to get horny from literally everything. Stick household objects in me. Make me hump shoes and bags and clothes. Make me finger myself anytime I talk on the phone. Make me rub my pussy juices on all of my things. Make me watch porn at work. Make me always keep an earbud in so I can listen to girls getting fucked streamed 24/7. Keep a dildo in me anytime I use my computer. Make me sexualize every nonsexual thing in my life. I want to be completely perverted.
#make me quit my job so i can lay in bed all day and be in total sex bliss#i want everything in my life to be sex#milky talks#corruption kink#hard k1nk#object insertion.#i just came to someones selfie<3#r@petoy#fr33use#cnc free use#cnc k!nk#dark k1nk#fav
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Me when Logan was about to walk away in the end and Wade was like "Logan 🥺" and that's all it took for him to stay... Y'all I can't they love each other so much 😭
#whether it's friendship or y'all ship you can't say that they don't love each other this is so adorable to me i can't get over this movie#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#wade x logan#poolverine#Deadpool#wolverine#logan tried so hard to act tough but wade won 😭#you can't just sacrifice your life for a man and then act like you don't care bro you love him#he domesticated you#Deadpool 3
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all they had to do is change the pronouns and i would be insane over this character
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To all my writers who have a tough time with smut terms and not knowing which ones to use, I have found the holy grail for us.
This reddit user, who I've recently found out is @kjscottwrites here on tumblr, took a poll of 3,500 people and went really in depth with asking their favorite terminology, along with actual pie charts on what the readers preferred to see in their smut.
Check out their post with the link to the Google doc here!
#hope yall enjoy😌#share to save a life because god smut is so hard to write😭#fics#fan fiction#fanfiction#writing#writing tips#smut#write#don't mind me#i dunno what else to tag this as
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a stranger with a sly smile.... i caught the hades brainworms so obviously i had to draw scarlet pearl (now with a companion bigb!)
#if you think tilly looks weird. close ur eyes pls thanks ^_^ i hate drawing animals soryyyy#pearlescentmoon#pearlescentmoon fanart#hadesgame#hades game#hades fanart#mcyt fanart#double life fanart#mcyt#lifesmp#thellos art corner#might drop the lineart for this in a bit im working on another one next :handheart:#the graphic design required to do the game screenshot was SO HARD ACK#posted this earlier but it got flagged *_* tumblr let me be
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🌱✂️ (crop from this month's patreon piece)
twitter | ig | inprnt | patreon | store
#thanks to everyone who's supported me there over the past couple of years#i know i haven't posted much publicly#most of what i've done lately is only on there bc it's either hard to crop and share nicely#or it's just sketches#the past 2ish years have been the worst of my life so unfortunately that translates also to less art to share
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if u saw me post this earlier no you didn’t because I remade it cuz the other version was so sloppy
#gravity falls#the book of bill#stanford pines#stanley pines#lord have mercy I thought ford was hard to draw some how Stan is worse#Guys fun little known fact about me but I am a twin so gravity falls is about my life actually this post is literally about me and my broth
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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happy halloween 👻 it's haunted house time again
#this also is a meme redraw#stranger things#stranger things fanart#robin and eddie make steve go first so they can hide behind him#oops accidentally didn't post anything for a year sorry about that#but another one of these and more art are on my patreon!! it's pretty much the only place i've managed to stay active on 😭#anyways i won't be watching season 5 so i'm stealing these characters from the show creators i've decided that these are OUR ocs now 🤝#sorry again for not posting anything life's been giving me a hard time lately but i'm trying to come back to tumblr!!
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I've wanted shane and joel for liek so long now and you're telling me it's the WEEK BEFORe MY EXAM WHY SCOTT WHY DO YOU MAKE ME SUFFER SO i wanna cry, but my tears have already run out on my biology textbook lol
#i rushed this so hard i actually am kinda proud i got a drawing done lol#goodtimeswithscar#joel smallishbeans#hermitcraft#trafficblr#life series#minecraft championships#mcc#firebreathman#xisuma#xisumavoid#minecraft sos#mcsos#green geckos#life smp#hermitblr#smallishbeans#me art
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just a normal guy surrounded by residents with evil in their hearts
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 7#resident evil 8#ethan winters#hes havin a bad day im havin a bad day but with the power of takin your frustrations out on fictional characters i will prevail#he wont but thats not whats important here#i wish i was surrounded by literal horrors instead of the internal unseeable horrors that plague me so that i could justify the incredibly#hard time im havin to myself like hey its not my fault im literally dead#but anyways thats the post. heres to coping with life cheers
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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