#well anyway. when i was in my early 20s i would probably have waited for the men to vacate the door area and stop blocking it

[fingertipsmp3]

I can’t wait until I’m in like my 70s or something and fully don’t give a shit. I mean I’m already getting there now but I feel like I could give even less shits tbh

[fangirl-dot-com]

Chapter 7 - Family Dinner

Pray for Christian. He’s just realizing that he now has two kids, who race every weekend in dangerous cars, only for them to have no life outside said cars. Max might be a little OOC, but ya know – who cares. I know I said that I would post tomorrow but free practice doesn't even start until midnight where I am. So it's going to be pushed back to Friday night at the latest and then a definite post on Sunday. Anyway, enjoy and don’t forget to comment if you want to be added to the tag list.

The entire way to the restaurant, you were almost shaking with anxiety. You knew you would get there 15 minutes early, but would that be too much? Would you be the last one to show up? Vito had texted you that so far, it was only him, Christian and Geri, with Riggs and Lacy. But that couldn’t stop your brain with coming up with worst case scenarios. But, you couldn’t help it. You took a couple of deep breaths as the car pulled up to the restaurant. 

Around the entrance, there seemed to be thousands of reporters and photographers. That made you panic as well. You shot a quick text to Vito, letting him know that you had arrived. You waited in the car until he came out to get you. You noticed that Riggs had decided to come out as well. You only now notice the size difference between him and Vito. The man was massive. PR agent and personal body guard? You were set for life. 

Vito opened the door for you and helped you get out of the car. The moment you were two feet on the concrete, the flashes of the cameras started going off. You tried your best to smile, but it was difficult when you were being blinded by the lights. You mentally laughed at yourself at the Weekend joke. Thankfully, no one grabbed you or anything. It was probably because Riggs had placed his hand on your back and carefully led you inside. No one would get passed that man. 

The ambiance of the restaurant was a stark contrast to that of outside. The lights were dim and there was a live orchestra in the corner. Vito was able to catch up to you before you got to the table. 

“Quite a show that was,” you mentioned as you spotted Christian at a table in the corner. 

“Well, you are trending everywhere on social media kid,” Vito replied as Christian stood up to greet you. 

“Nice to see you again sir,” you said as you shook his hand. 

“And you as well kid. That was sure some entrance.” You let out a small laugh. 

“All I did was walk it. I think I might be blind for the rest of the night. I can still see all the flashes.” A woman, who you recognized as Geri, let out a laugh. You turned to her. 

You obviously wanted to shake her hands for the rest of your life. It wasn’t every day you got to meet Ginger Spice. But you forewent all of that, and settled on a light hug. “It’s an honor to meet you ma’am. I asked Vito if I could have brought something for you to sign, but he said I probably shouldn’t.” You heard a smack of a hand against a forehead. You continued, “But now seeing you in person, I should have brought my entire CD set.” 

Geri and Christian both laughed out loud at your statement. Geri was able to calm you down as she promised that the next time she attended a race, you could bring something. You were able to sit next to her at the table. 

You were definitely fan-girling the entire time. But who cared. Geri was a nice person to keep a conversation with. You were relieved to see some familiar faces already at the table. Mitch was seated across from you with Lacy at her right. Riggs had sat next to his wife while Vito found a seat on the other side of you. The rest of the table was left empty for Max, Checo, and whoever they were going to bring. 

One waiter came to the table and asked for everyone’s drink orders. Because you were only 20 and the drinking age in America is 21, you asked for a water. 

Vito had joked around with the waiter, “Can you bring that in a sippy cup for her? She tends to spill.” A slap to the arm had him shut up as the rest of the table fell into small laughs. 

You argued back, “It’s not my fault that you’re so old. Did you remember to drink your prune juice this morning? I know how grumpy you get if you don’t.” You flashed a wicked smile at him as you took a sip of your drink. 

The adults started to laugh a bit harder. 

The laughter only died down when Christian suddenly stood up and rounded the table. Your eyes followed him and landed on two figures. Your heart picked up as you came to the conclusion that they were Checo and Max. You didn’t know what to do. Should you stand to greet them? Or would that be weird? 

You got your answer when they both just decided to sit down. However, Max was seated directly across from you. There was nowhere for you to hide from his sight. As he got situated, you quickly looked down at your dress and pretended to wipe something from the fabric. But, when you looked up, you made direct eye contact with him. Not wanting to wait for him to do something and come off as rude, you leaned a bit forward and put out your hand. 

“Uh, it’s nice to meet you,” you shyly said as he took your hand in his to return the gesture. 

His accent was a little heavy, “Nice to meet you too. It’s Y/n right?” 

“Yes sir,” you responded, almost a little too quickly. But Max had a questioning look before huffing and waving his hands. 

“There’s no need for that, kid.” He picked up his drink and took a sip. “You shouldn’t be much younger than me, no?” 

“Uh, six years younger,” you muttered. A choked sound came from across the table, which got everyone’s attention. Your cheeks heated as everyone looked at the two of you. 

“Is everything all right Max?” Christian asked, a look of concern on his face. 

Max points at you, “Where’d you find this – this..” you thought he was about to insult you. You winced at the thought. Except he finally finished sputtering, “literal child. She called me sir.” He all but whined the last sentence. 

Christian spoke up, “Well that child beat your 7 year time record for the practice track.” He took a sip of his drink as everyone’s eyes fell on you. 

“Uh, I didn’t mean to?” You wanted to die, but you continued, “I think I could have done better but there’s was something off on Turn five, but we said it was the…”

“Balance,” Max finished your sentence, nodding his head. “I’ve been trying to tell them to fix that.” 

You shrugged, “It wasn’t bad though.” 

“Did you slow down on the curve?” 

“Yep, and accelerated coming out of the apex.” Max gave you a giant smile. Cars and racing he could talk about.

“How did you feel about the steering?” he questioned, hands coming above the table. You soon found yourself doing that as well. 

“Eh, it was ok, but it was a bit understeery?” you didn’t want to go insulting his car, but you had a preference. 

“Oh my gosh, I know. I had that problem the entire season.”   

Everyone around you two knew that the moment the hands went above the table and were being flung everywhere, there was no stopping the two of you. They practically had to tell you both to shut up so that the table could start talking of other things and order the food. Your cheeks heated up when they pointed out your rambling. 

“Sorry,” you muttered, going back to your drink. 

“It’s fine kid. I’ve had to deal with Max for years. I think I can deal with it again,” Christian said as the waiters brought out the food. The Dutchman across from you rolled his eyes at the statement, which caused you to laugh. 

He was actually a joy to talk to. You were able to finally greet Checo a little bit into the actual dinner. You didn’t know whether to say you were sorry he was retiring or to congratulate him. So you kind of did both. 

Oh well. 

Throughout the meal, discussions of next season came up along with the car. Christian was pleased to know that the both of you preferred an oversteer car. Yes, the car would still be more towards Max’s preferences, but you could work with it. You knew that you would be second driver. But you honestly didn’t care. 

“I know how to play the teammate. I’m not looking for a championship right now. I’m just glad to be here,” you told Max and Christian. “Of course, I’m going to fight for a win, because that’s what I know to do. But I’m not going to block if Max is going to be faster than me.” 

The two men nodded, thankful for a person like you. There weren’t many people who would willingly give up wanting to be first driver. But you understood this. 

As long as Max Verstappen was in a Red Bull, he will be driver number one. The rest of the dinner went smoothly. As everyone was standing to leave, Christian announced that everyone was welcome to join them at a club. All the adults seemed to cheer as if they forgot that you technically couldn’t go. 

You didn’t mean to show disappointment, but Max picked up on it. The math was mathing as he put two and two together. 

“I think I’m going to skip out tonight. Not really feeling it.” His accent was heavy as he put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. 

You and Max somehow found yourself at the back of the group. He leaned down and semi-whispered to you. 

“Do you want to go get some ice cream?” 

You face must have lit up as he mirrored you with a smile. Max offered to drive you to the place. You quickly said goodbye to Vito, before promising that you’d text him when you got back to the hotel. You followed behind Max, trying to keep up with his long strides. The heels and long dress were making it difficult, but you managed.

When you got to his car, he popped the door open for you because you weren’t able to figure out the handle. You weren’t used to the expensive super-cars. Yes, the cars you drove were nice, but not millions of dollars nice. 

“You can play some music if you’d like to,” Max mentioned as he began to drive out of the parking garage. 

“Famous last words Max,” you said as you scrolled through your playlist. A familiar 33 caught you attention. You bit your lip trying not to smile. “I really like the thought and meaning behind this one. Super nice vibes. Very rememberable.” 

“Oh? Well then play it.” 

You snorted at his innocence. The moment the familiar beats came on, he looked at you with a face of betrayal. 

“You did not.” 

“I did too. It’s a very catchy tune Max.” He reached out and pressed the off button. 

“I’m revoking your DJ privileges.” Now it was your turn to look at him with a face of betrayal. 

“You did not.”  

“I did too. If you can’t play something nice, you won’t play anything at all.” 

“What would you play? Some oldie from 1953?” 

He snorted before putting his eyes back on the road. “I am not that old.” 

“Sure.” 

“We’re in the same generation Y/n.”

You argued back, “You’re on the fine line of millennial and gen z. You probably post memes on Facebook like an old lady.” 

The two of you fell in silence, before you busted out laughing. Max started to wheeze, which made you laugh even harder and clap your hands like a seal. By the end of the drive, you were wiping tears from your eyes. 

A bright ice cream cone lit up the sky at the car approached the store. You were able to get out of the car since the handle was much easier to figure out than the outside one. Max held the door of the shop for you and waited. He got curious when you didn’t directly come in. 

He found his answer when he saw you kneel next to a cat to pet it. He was surprised that it let you touch it. After you were done, you stood up and flashed a sheepish smile at him, muttering an apology for keeping him waiting. 

“I just love cats,” you sighed, looking at the kitty outside with heart eyes. 

Max fished his phone from his pocket. He quickly put in the password. His fingers quickly found the giant album just for his cats on the photos app. He handed his phone to you. 

“This is Jimmy and this is Sassy. What do you want and I’ll get it for you. You can keep looking.” You barely muttered a response, too enthralled with the gorgeous creatures on the screen. Max chucked as he went to get the ice cream. 

You were too busy swiping through all of the pictures. They were both so pretty. Max had to nudge you to hand you your cone. 

“Thank you for letting me see these,” you traded the phone for the cone. 

“No problem. If you ever find yourself in Monaco, you can come over to see them.” Your eyes seemed to twinkle at the thought of meeting his cats. “Do you have any?” 

You seemed to deflate at the topic of you being cat-less. “No, I’m away most of the year and I live by myself. My apartment is in Nice, but I think I’m going to move somewhere else.” 

Max’s eyebrows creased, “Does your family not live close?” 

You deflated even more. “No. To be honest, I don’t talk to my family. Like ever. I’m an only child as well so no siblings.” You kind of just shut up after that. Max felt awful. He knows that you probably know a lot about him. But he never thought to look up anything about you. 

He wanted to talk, but you continued, “But it’s fine. Racing is my life and takes up 100% of my time.” Max knew that it wasn’t fine. Racing was his life too, but he had friends and family to keep him company. He had Kelly and P, Christian, Lando, (maybe) Charles. He could try to convince you to find a small apartment in Monaco so he could keep an eye on you. 

He takes a moment to really see you. Right now, you weren’t a piece of art of you were almost face deep in your ice cream. This made you look younger than you were. And that hurt Max’s heart. His dad might be awful, but he still talked to him. 

He must have zone out because your talking brought him out of it. 

“Are you excited to race in Vegas?” you ice cream was almost gone.

Max shrugged, “It’s going to be difficult, since it’s cold. I’m worried about the grip of the tires.” 

You thought for a moment, “Well, if you get far enough ahead, you could always swerve to warm them up further. I know that would cut down on speed, but you’d be able to take the corners a bit better.” 

“How are you feeling about free practice one tomorrow.” Your eyes were now lit up once again, and Max is glad to see you perked up. 

“I am so excited. Did you hear that they’re going to do the walk up announcements again?” Max shook his head, (he actually did but wanted to hear you explain). “Well, they’re doing it and I have the perfect song, if I get announced.” You pouted. “Do ‘reserve drivers’ get announced?” 

“I don’t know. But I will make sure that you get one.” He put a hand on you shoulder. 

You squealed and thanked him. “I am a bit nervous about the lap times though.” 

Max suddenly hunched as to tell you a secret. “What you have to do is before you go into the flying lap, heat your tires to the max.” 

“Max, max, max, super max.” He deadpanned. “Sorry, continue.” 

“You have to push the throttle a couple of times right before you go to get the wheels spinning. The more they spin, the more friction they’ll have on the track, and the more they will heat.” (a.n. guys I don’t know if this is correct. I’m a writing major not engineering. But, more friction, more heat – I took one physics class so call me professor). 

“Aaahhhhh,” you had a far out look, contemplating the precious information you’ve been given. You wanted to talk about something other than racing. “How’s your family?” 

It was now Max’s turn for his eyes to light up. He brought out his cellphone again to show you more pictures. Some were of him and Kelly. Others of him and P. It was when he got to the drivers, you started to panic. 

“Do you think they’ll like me?” you mutter, suddenly finding you dress more interesting. Max looked at you with a confused face. 

“Kid, I’ve known you for,” he looked at his watch, “three hours now and I think I want you as my teammate for the rest of my carrier. Don’t worry, they will love you.” 

You let out a sigh of relief. 

“I just, don’t want to make a fool out of myself.” 

“You won’t, kid. You won’t.” 

After the topic passed, and Max finally finished his mess of the remainders of his ice cream, the two of you made you way back to his car. He made sure that you had texted Vito that you were back at the hotel when he dropped you off. Thankfully, his hotel wasn’t that far away. 

“Good night Max. I will see you tomorrow teammate.” You winked. 

“See you tomorrow, teammate.” You started to walk away before you remembered something. 

You rushed back over to the car and knocked on the window. Max quickly rolled it down and leaned over the dash. “Is something wrong?” 

“Which song are you picking? For the announcements? Because I think you should totally go with Max 33 or Super Max, or to annoy more people, the Dutch anthem.” 

Max only chuckled and rolled the window up. Not giving you an answer. He could see you in the mirror flailing your arms as he left. He would see you tomorrow. 

The first thing Max did when he got to his hotel was get changed. After that, he needed to make a quick phone call. 

He clicked on the contact and waited for the person to pick up. The phone didn’t even ring twice before the sound of the call being accepted filled the quiet room. 

Kelly’s face filled the tiny screen. 

She was the first one to speak, “Hi baby.” Max gave her a sleepy smile. “How was dinner.” 

“Oh it was great. I got to meet the rookie.” Kelly leaned her head on her hand. 

“How did it go?” 

“It was great Kels. I see myself so much in this kid.” 

“Is that a good thing?” 

“Yep. How do you think Penelope will feel about getting a sister? I’m already looking at how to adopt a teenager.” 

Tag List : @awekbachira @lightdragonrayne @leilanixx @angsthology @digitalizeduniqueness @topguncultleader @landosgirlxoxo @gods-menace @itsjustkhaos @thefandomswhre @alwaysboredsworld @vellicora @bintuabbas @sam-is-lost @empress-kimiko @assholeinatrenchcoat @kagatinkita @glitterquadricorn @zyonsay @tsukishimawhore @treehouse-mouse @ashy-kit @lilypadlover

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I tried to get my friend's character killed?

🎾🐕 for recognition.

I (19M) and my friends (all 18-early 20s, 5 players incl. me but not the DM) play Dungeons and Dragons from time to time, usually once a month.

We just introduced a new player to the campaign, who we'll call Evan (21M). Evan's character seemed a little Mary Sue-y to me when she was displayed to the rest of us, but I don't usually have beef with characters based off of that and just chalked it up to having different tastes which isn't bad at all.

My character has been working very closely with the BBEG and has basically joined their side in their conquest to y'know. Do the thing that makes them the Big Bad Evil Guy. I was super excited to see what the BBEG was up to.

Well, this was our 8th session, and we were about to wrap up Arc 1. My character had finally reunited with the rest of the party at the BBEG's lair, and Evan's character was introduced as being a traveling assassin/Sorcerer that happened to recieve a tip that the rest of the normal party was here.

By the end of the session, Evan's character had spent a third of the game time monologing at the BBEG before slicing his head off. My character is currently half blind and mute thanks to Evan's character [she tried to kill my character and I didn't roll the best on my roll to move out of the way of her blade so now she's missing an eye, and Sara's character cut out her tongue as punishment for working for the BBEG while my character was knocked out], and was kidnapped by Evan's character.

I was and still am PISSED. I'm trying not to be, but it's been driving me insane. Evan keeps on bragging about how he killed the BBEG and keeps on revelling in the scene, and I'm the only one upset by it. He was the BBEG, and you KILLED HIM YOUR FIRST SESSION?! It just seems like a silly thing to be upset about, but it's been really upsetting me and me alone (everyone else saw the BBEG just as that, a maniacal mustache twirler). Everyone is making jokes and laughing, but it was really upsetting me.

My character is very fond of revenge. Anything she has to deal with, she tries to get even with anyone no matter the cost. One of our characters died back in Session 4, and my character ended up being the only one that learnt about his character's backstory: he's a prince, and his family would do anything to give proper punishment to his killer, and his character told mine what to do to make this happen before he died. I am the only one in-game with this information.

We're now on Session 16, almost done with Arc 2, and the current plan is [the DM mentioned we'd have to wait until Arc 3 to act on the prince's last words] to rat out Evan's character as being the killer [she isn't the killer, my character would be framing her, but the BBEG was the true killer and my character is loyal to him] and hope that she's persecuted. Most likely, this would end up with Evan's character dead, but I'm not sure due to how much he's been Mary Sue-ing all over the place [not a bad thing, but his character does virtually have no flaws that have presented themselves opposed to the rest of our party each with a glaring flaw that the DM made us all add in when we first started playing, and her stats are leagues beyond the rest of ours due to what her Sorcerer powers granted her].

I haven't told this to anyone, but I have asked the DM questions about how to execute this plan. I feel like it's going to be a real dick thing, but I think it's well within the realms of what my character would do and I honestly want to knock her down a peg. I don't know if the DM will let me do this anyways, and as I said I don't think Evan's character will even die because she's just got too good of stats so unless Evan rolls Nat 1s she's probably fine.

WIBTA for acting on this?

What are these acronyms?

[derfpossessions]

Rented You Out - Part 4

Our story continues on with Denholm and Markus searching for a new client that is willing to rent Denholm’s body out for a spin. The hospital bills are rising up again, and the two needs their classic gig to pay out the loans.

While they were there, a woman named Natasha approached them and heard of their services. “Heyy, you’re that Denholm guy that can be rented from the black market right?” She giggled. “Uhhh.. yeah, but I don’t remember someone booking an appointment with me today..” He replied.

“Oh come on, I just decided I’d come and see you in-person! So, when can I use you?” She slowly walked up to them. “Girl wait… so you’re the one using his body?”, Markus said, who is starting to get suspicious about her. “You think only men can try out men bodysuits?? Stop with the gender roles!” She got lowkey pissed.

“Anyways, can I try it on first before I settle with the deal?” She couldn’t resist her temptation to try on the suit. “Ok, I’ll show you right now..” Denholm taps the button and he goes into suit-mode. Natasha entered his body and it and opened her eyes in his new masculine physique.

“Woahh.. something’s hard down there! Omg this is sooo fucking cool!” She was giggling as she felt Denholm’s cock.

“It must be fun being a man you know, I’m doing this for a social experiment for my case study.” She added, while looking enthusiastic. She then started rubbing in his body and looked at her new reflection in the phone camera. “Ok time’s up girl the free trial’s over. get out of him.” Markus said as he unzipped Denholm and pulled her out. “Ok I think I like it! I would pay more if you want!” She said.

“Uhh.. well I better get ready then. Just so you know you have to make the payment first before you’ll be able to use the suit.” Denholm said nervously.

“Ok ok. No rush, take your time and I’ll meet you tonight.” She said and then left the two. The two then continued on going to class.

“Are you sure you want that girl to use your body? She sounds like she’s on meth!” Markus told Denholm while walking down the hallway.

“Well if she’s paying anyway then we can’t refuse on a customer.” Denholm sighed. Things are about to get strange from this point onward.

While they were walking they saw a peculiar man cleaning the windows. With him he had a large cart full of boxes. “That’s weird, I never noticed that staff here before.” Markus told Denholm. As they passed by the man, they accidentally knocked off one of the boxes, and the man panicked an stormed off with the cart. “Bro what’s wrong with that guy?” Denholm said while Markus looks down to see the weird box. Inside the box there’s a garbage bag sealed with duct tape. The box was a quite heavy, so they brought it to a nearby classroom.

To their surprise, there was something rubbery-like in the bag, and when they opened it, it’s a folded up bodysuit.

“Woah what the fuck?!” The two got shocked by the looks of the bodysuit. They carefully undressed the man from the formal suit he was wearing. It was a little bit drenched in sweat, and the it smelled like it just came fresh from the gym. “Holyyyy shittt?!!” Markus screamed as they started unfolding the suit on top of the table.

It was a bodysuit of a man, probably in his early 20s, and is ethnically East Asian. “Well he looks like your local gym rat, and a total fuckboy.” Markus jokingly said (he was right tho). “So, looks like there’s a lot more bodysuits out there, not just me.” Denholm said while touching the man’s deflated rubbery arm. They tried flipping the man over to see if he has a switch that is similar to Denholm’s. “Let’s bring this man back to life shall we?” Markus said. They flipped the switch, but there was no response. The suit remained a little deflated, and hollow. The two started getting scared. “Don’t tell me.. don’t tell me this guy is dead..” Denholm was shaking.

“Found one of them I see?” Mr Singh came in to join the fun. The two gasped. “What are you doing here?!”

“Well I knew one day you two would see the others.”

Denholm: “What do you mean… the others..??”

Singh: “You see, your case as a bodysuit isn’t as rare as you might think. Lots of people around this city, fall bait into the numerous kidnappings that occurred. They get taken away in a van, never to be seen again.”

“What happens to them next? They’ll be put in a large factory where humans are transformed into bodysuits. Their organs, their insides are replaced and retrofitted to become a fully wearable suit, or whatever the fuck magic they do in that place.”

“You should be very grateful you’re even alive. Some people like you do survive the suit process and manage to escape, not knowing how to be able to cope with their lives being changed forever. And then there’s the unfortunate people. The ones who are put into the deep sleep, and forced to be worn as lifeless mascot suits for the rest of their lives. The people who wear them have full access to their past lives and memories, and may choose to continue on that original life, or reinvent their past lives, or a mixture of both.”

“That man right there… had a girlfriend, aiming for his degree in Engineering, getting ripped at the gym. all of that was taken away from him on one night. Now it’s up to his users if they want to live upon his legacy.”

“That’s all I know for now. I don’t know if there’s ever a cure to this condition of being converted into a suit, but it really sucks for these people.”

Denholm got furious. “I must stop this madness then. I’m gonna put an end to it.”

Markus stopped him, “Are you stupid?! You almost got killed yourself! Our goal is to stay out of from their sight as much as possible!”

“Markus is right. Don’t worry, it will all be better soon.” Mr Singh said. “Well I gotta go teach my class now. You two, stay safe and don’t get yourselves into trouble.”

Markus carried the suit to the backroom. “Hey, one more thing Denny.” Singh grinned.

“With those hot charisma you have, you sure ARE a great kisser.” Singh winked and left. (see part 2 if u dont get what he meant)

“Wha… what did he meant?” Denholm was in shock.

“Nothing! just some side jobs while he was renting you out!” Markus was sweating and turned around from Denholm to avoid eye contact.

“Listen. I trusted you into making sure I don’t get harmed in any way but if you get your weird shit into the conversation I will won’t hesitate to-“ a thud was suddenly heard.

“-to give you all the love you want and need.. babe.”

“What..?” Markus was frozen. Whatever the fuck he heard wasn’t Denholm.

“MR SINGH?!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING INSIDE HIM?!!” Markus screamed.

“I’m trying to save you from getting beaten up! Now go clean this mess up!” Singh laughed.

“Well on one thought.. I think I do want a kiss..” Markus leaned forward from good old Denny and they had a mouth to mouth embracement, with their tongues locking intertwined, forming a heart shape from the divine.

“Pull down your pants. This will only take 8 minutes trust me.” Singh giggled as he took off Denny’s hoodie.

And then the rest is history…

- TO BE CONTINUED -

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 20

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 6k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Tuesday, November 24; 3:15 PM - School.

It’s the first time since I’ve been here that we finish classes early. I never thought it was possible. It’s rare to see a teacher absent, but that’s the case today. The whole class decided to leave after ten minutes, seeing that he would never arrive. Especially since he’s usually already waiting for us in his classroom.

" I’m joining the girls in the common room. Want to come? " Alexia proposes.

" Sorry, I told Bronze I would come after my classes. "

" She doesn’t know we finished early. You can go afterward. "

" The sooner I go, the sooner I’ll be free from this obligation. "

" I could almost believe you’re becoming serious, " she laughs.

" I don’t think so, no! "

" Come on, go enjoy your time with Bronze now that she’s talking to you again. "

" Stop it, " I roll my eyes. " You’re really something! "

" Oddly, you’re not denying it, " she replies with a wink.

I giggle, rolling my eyes. Alexia has been making inappropriate remarks since last night, saying I’m addicted to Bronze. Well, it’s true that I was sulking when she ignored me, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m addicted to her. I just missed her. She was so much on my back lately that it was weird when she suddenly disappeared. Alexia understands that I appreciate Bronze more than I let on. I stopped contradicting her when I realized my arguments were becoming ridiculous. She could hold hands with Mapi. The latter keeps asking about the progress of my relationship with Bronze since she heard me call her "baby". I’ve been teased and received the same remark as Ale. I’m starting to think I’m glad they don’t know each other. I can tolerate them individually, but I’d go crazy if I had them together. We finally reach the ground floor. I was getting tired of Alexia’s remarks. I quickly excuse myself before slipping away to Bronze’s office. The door is wide open today. I knock lightly to announce my presence, which earns me two surprised faces looking at me.

" What are you doing here already? Aren’t you supposed to have classes until five o’clock? Don’t tell me you got kicked out again? " Bronze bombards me, frowning.

" Thanks for the trust, " I roll my eyes. " My literature teacher is absent. "

" Mr. Johnson absent? " Engen repeats. " Weird… "

" Anyway, he didn’t come. We waited fifteen minutes, and my class started to disperse, so we left too, " I shrug.

The two instructors exchange a look as if silently communicating. Bronze finally shrugs, inviting me to sit. I smile at her and settle in front of her. Engen, on the other hand, stands up.

" I’ll find out what’s going on. Do you know where the rest of your class went? "

" All over, I’d say. Many are in the common room, and the others are probably in their rooms, I guess. "

" Hmm, thanks. "

She leaves, letting me alone with Bronze. She’s already making room for me on her desk. I take out my stuff, prominently displaying the exercise she gave me to complete last night. I had to do and redo it several times before succeeding. It was one of the hardest she’s given me. There’s even an equation I couldn’t solve.

" Did you do your math? "

" Yeah… Well, half of it. "

" What do you mean, half? "

I prefer to hand her my paper rather than give explanations. She immediately checks my work. She raises an eyebrow at my draft filled with scribbles. Maybe I should have rewritten it instead of leaving my mistakes, but at least she can see that I worked hard to get there. She can’t say I didn’t work.

" And the answer to my question about the sign? "

" You need to put a plus because it follows the sign of ‘a’. Since the number is positive, my answer was correct. "

" You seem much more confident than yesterday, " she smiles amusedly.

" I almost dreamed of math all night, going over your sheet you made me. "

She chuckles as I cross my arms and sink into my chair. During her explanations last night, she made me a sheet summarizing all the important formulas to know. She added the sign rules since I was stuck on them. Needless to say, I spent my whole evening revising it. It’s much more effective than all my course notes. It’s short, clear, and precise.

" At least it was useful. "

" That’s for sure… "

" So, what didn’t you understand about the second function? "

I was about to answer, but Engen startles me by speaking up. I hadn’t even noticed she was back.

" Am I dreaming, or are you giving her lessons? "

" She’s struggling since she’s missing two years, " Bronze’s spontaneous honesty surprised me so much that my foot automatically kicked her under the desk. I would have preferred that detail stay between us. I’m already ashamed enough. Bronze raises an eyebrow at my gesture.

" Why was that? "

" You didn’t have to shout it from the rooftops, " I mumble, embarrassed.

She laughs softly. I jump when Engen hugs me from behind, resting her head on mine. I tense up at her unexpected closeness.

" Oh, come on! You don’t need to react like that for so little, Ona, " Engen says. " It’s good that you’re asking for help. "

" Hmm… "

" Wiegman is stupid for putting you at such a high level if you have difficulties, " she comments.

I shrug. I could actually keep up, but the problem is that I quickly lose interest and disengage. I would have caught up long ago otherwise. Plus, if I had reacted differently when I arrived, I wouldn’t have so much material to catch up on.

" Anyway, Mr. Johnson is really absent, " she informs me, letting go of me. " I have to gather your class in a study room to work, by Wiegman’s order. "

" Do I have to go too? "

" Well, I came to get you, but you came here willingly to work with Lucy. So, I guess you stay here. "

" Yes, she stays here, " Bronze intervenes. " Do you have to supervise the class? "

" Yeah, " Engen sighs. " They’re starting to get on my nerves. She could have let them have free time, but no, " she grumbles. " We’ll have to meet up to eat. "

" No worries, " Bronze laughs. " See you later. "

We say goodbye before she leaves. I get the impression she doesn’t like Wiegman at all. Last time, she didn’t hide her hatred towards her either. One thing is certain, she’s frank and direct, like Bronze. That’s probably why I like her too.

" Alright, back to our sheep, " she pulls me out of my thoughts. " What didn’t you understand then? "

" Is Wiegman that bad? " I ask.

" Why this question? " she frowns.

" I don’t know. Engen doesn’t seem to like her much. "

" Let’s just say she’s attentive to all our actions. She’s starting to get fed up. "

" Seriously? Why would she monitor the instructors too? "

" She doesn’t want another student-instructor relationship to happen again. "

" Oh… So, are you being monitored too? "

" Yes, like all my colleagues. Can we get back to the main topic, which is math? "

" No, wait… Are you talking about me? "

Bronze sighs in annoyance. This question is important to me. With what Alexia thinks, I’m afraid Wiegman will start thinking we’re too close. I don’t want her to risk her job because of me. And does she tell her what I confide in her? I hope not, because I tell her quite personal things.

" Why this question? "

I bite my lip. I don’t know if I should be honest with her. She gives me a hard look to encourage me to continue. I decide to play the honesty card.

" Alexia thinks we’re close. She keeps teasing me about it. Do you think you could get in trouble if Wiegman thought the same? I don’t want to cause you any problems. "

" Well, I’ll explain to you if it can reassure you. Every instructor has to see Wiegman at the end of the day for a debriefing. I’m not more monitored than the others because I’m in charge of you, if that’s your question. "

" And so… Do you ever talk about me? " I ask again.

" Of course we often talk about you. I’m the one supervising you, so it’s normal for her to ask me questions about you. "

" Do you tell her what I confide in you? " I ask with some fear.

«  We mainly talk about your progress, your reactions. I would never repeat what you confide in me. If I do, it will only be with your permission, to defend you, or if it’s a very important matter that can’t be kept. "

" A matter that can’t be kept? Like what? "

" Well, something that could harm you or put you in danger, for example. "

" Okay, " I sigh. " You promise not to talk about it otherwise? "

" Ona, the only thing I’ve told Wiegman since I’ve been supervising you is the events you told me about the night you ended up drugged. If I hadn’t done that, you could have had a lot of trouble with her. "

" Is that all? " I ask with a hint of surprise.

" Of course. I would never tell her your personal or family problems. Those things only concern you. I’ll always be here to listen, comfort, or support you, but I’ll never repeat anything to her. Only the results matter to her. Do you understand? "

" And for you? Do only the results matter to you too? "

" I should, yes, " she begins. " That was the case with all my former students under my care, but not with you. "

" Why not? " I laugh bitterly. " Don’t tell me that to please me, please. "

" That’s not the case. None of my former students confided in me like you do. It’s the first time I’ve had such a close relationship with a student, and it’s only because I want it. "

" What do you mean? "

" Usually, I remain cold and impassive in my work. It’s not for nothing they call me the commander. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was never like that with you. « 

I lower my head, realizing it is the truth. She was strict at the beginning, but our relationship quickly evolved. She became understanding, and I almost want to say she became caring. I'd like to know the reasons why, but I doubt she would tell me.

- The results are important, of course, but I enjoy learning who you really are. I care about you, whether you believe it or not.

I have no doubt about her words. She has no reason to lie to me after all. I lift my head to smile at her timidly. She returns the smile, tilting her head slightly as if she knows what I'm thinking.

- Do you have any more questions you’d like answered, or can we get to work now?

- We can get to work... Unless you’re busy. I wouldn’t want to disturb you either.

- I don’t have that much work. Your test tomorrow is more important. Let’s go back to the exercise. What was your problem then? she says, picking up the paper.

- I think you didn’t give me all the formulas. I couldn’t do it even though I went over everything.

She looks at my draft again. I blush at the idea that she's once again wasting precious time on me. I still don’t understand why she does all this for me.

- We can stop if it bothers you, I begin again.

- Are you done? You don’t need to be embarrassed because I’m helping you study. Let me look at your exercise now.

I stay quiet to avoid disturbing her further. I wonder where her math skills come from. She has good logic and had no trouble finding my mistakes yesterday. She’s not very old. Maybe she just recently left school. That would answer my questions. Honestly, who remembers things like this? It’s not like it’s useful every day!

- How old are you?

- We never ask a person’s age, Ona, she replies. It’s rude and inappropriate, especially since I’m your supervisor. For your math problem, you just need to factorize the function.

- What? Seriously, I have to factorize again?

- Yeah. It’s exactly the kind of case you might have tomorrow. Just think a little. Pen, she says, holding out her hand.

I hand it to her, and she starts explaining while twisting in all directions to find a good position. She eventually comes around to sit beside me. She helps me factorize the function, then gives me the formula to use. In the end, it wasn’t so complicated with her help.

- When you can’t do something, you need to find other solutions. There are always some.

- Alright, I sigh.

- Do you want to do another one on your own?

- That’s okay, thanks. I’ve bothered you enough with my math. I’ll review tonight.

- We have more time today, so let’s make the most of it. You’re going to do another one on your own; I want to make sure you’ve understood.

I groan in frustration, which makes her smile. I thought I could escape, but she doesn’t seem to agree. She rewrites a formula similar to the one we just did. She already made me redo what I couldn’t do yesterday. It’s quite an effective method because I manage it each time afterward. She gives me three more, which I finish in half an hour.

- Well, it looks like you’ve understood. I think we can stop.

I sigh in relief, collapsing against my chair. She laughs and offers me a glass of water, which I gladly accept. I put my brain on pause while I drink from the cup she hands me.

- It’s only five o’clock. Do you want to look at your choices tonight or tomorrow?

I think about it. My brain is mush. I’m tempted to say tomorrow, but I want to get this problem resolved as quickly as possible. I’m afraid it will take longer than it should. Neither option really interests me, so I need to decide.

- Tonight, if you don’t mind.

- Not at all. Let’s see what we have. You have the forms, I hope?

- Of course.

I put away all my math stuff and replace it with my registration form and the list of available options. She takes the latter and sits comfortably in her chair, crossing her legs. She studies the sheet while finishing her drink.

- Alright. There are already a few we can eliminate, right?

- Yes, like sports.

- Yes, she laughs. It’s a shame because you have the potential to go far with the mental toughness you have. By the way, you’ve abandoned me for the runs.

I look at her strangely. Me, good potential in sports? What a joke!

- You’re the one who was sulking, I reply. You’re the first to know that sports and I don’t mix, and that I’m not motivated to do any.

- Hey! she says, hitting my arm. I wasn’t sulking! I was just giving you a taste of your own medicine. Anyway, let’s cross out sports, you’re right, she concludes. Maybe in an other universe you would have been an athlete.

I open my mouth as she crosses it out on the sheet.

- Hey! Why are you writing on it! I exclaim. You shouldn’t!

- This sheet isn’t to be returned, Ona, she giggles.

- Oh, I say, mortified under her laughter.

- Alright, let’s be serious. Have you already thought about a future career perhaps? Let’s start with that.

I think about her question. I never had the chance to seriously think about it. Choices for my studies were always imposed on me.

- You must have thought about it before, right?

- No, I remain honest, playing timidly with my fingers.

I feel ashamed. Who hasn’t thought about their future except me? I stopped school after my diploma, without thinking about what came next. I never studied something I truly liked. Bronze puts her hand on my knee, as if trying to reassure me.

- Hey, it’s okay, it’s nothing serious. It’s going to be more complicated than expected, but it will be sorted out. Better late than never, right?

I smile timidly, nodding. She smiles back. I’m glad I consulted her. If I hadn’t, I would have probably chosen an option randomly, without really thinking about it. At least now I won’t choose at random.

- I understand better why you come to see me, and you’re doing the right thing. Let’s start from the beginning. You were in high school, so you must have studied a specialty, right?

- Science and medicine. My mother is a surgeon. She wanted me to follow in her footsteps, I explain. My father convinced me to accept, but it’s not at all what I want to do.

- At least you already know what you don’t want, she says, crossing out the option with a small smile.

- You can also cross out engineering, I giggle.

- That’s true, she crosses it out. Do you want to do something related to art?

- There’s no option for that. It’s annoying because that’s what interests me the most.

- No, but we could find possibilities that are close to it, you see? You like literature too, right?

I smile and nod. What she said earlier was true. She listens and is interested in what I say because I had already told her about my love for literature.

- So, literature could be one of the three options, right?

- Yes, it could be, I nod again.

- Hmm, she smiles, putting a check next to it. We’re making progress. Don’t forget that the order is important too. If the first one is accepted, you won’t be able to fall back on the others.

- Yes, I understood.

She scratches her head with the back of my pen. She must be thinking as much as I am. I have already studied all my possibilities to be honest. I had come to the conclusion that it would be literature, but it would annoy me to fall back on this option knowing that it’s far from being related to drawing.

- I imagine we’re forgetting math specialty? she giggles.

- Are you mocking me? I pull an exaggerated face.

- Far from it, she mocks.

- Well… You’re not wrong anyway…

- That’s what I thought, she laughs. Well, let’s go back to art then. There are several possibilities. I imagine you prefer practicing?

- Well... Yeah. What else would you want me to do?

- Well, you could also run a gallery. That would be more about management in that case. Do you see what I mean?

- I never saw it from that angle... I admit.

- That aspect could be interesting for you if you plan to be self-employed in the long term. It’s never a bad idea to have a foundation in management.

I never saw my future that far ahead. To be honest, all I dream about right now is being able to make a living from my talent. However, Bronze has a very different vision from mine. She doesn’t only see the present moment, she sees the entirety of a professional career.

- It’s true that it’s a good idea... I never thought of that. Is there an option like that?

- Well, yes. But I doubt you’ll like it.

- What’s the option? I ask cautiously.

- Business management. It’s equivalent to an MBA in regular universities.

- Oh... Isn’t that difficult?

- It’s a mix of management, finance, and commerce. It requires a lot of logic and is very math-heavy, so it’s up to you.

I nervously bite my lip. This idea suddenly cools me down. I doubt I’d enjoy it. Bronze must have sensed it given the smile she gives me.

- I warned you that the idea might not please you.

- Indeed, I agree, sighing. Can I ask what you studied? Maybe it’ll give me an idea.

Bronze looks at me for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to tell me. I know she doesn’t like talking about herself and that my question is risky. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

- I was going for an athlete scholarship, but a knee injury at the end of the year prevented me from getting it. I was then offered to switch to a management program like an MBA in sports.

- What do you mean? I frown.

- It’s a special track that allows studying sports management instead of business management, she shrugs. Few schools offer it. I was lucky that the one I applied to as an athlete did. It was that or staying in Portugal with a lousy program and school.

-So… You have a good background in management, if I understand correctly?

- I suppose so, since I graduated, she replies with a smirk.

- No... Well, that's not what I meant... Is there a big difference compared to the program offered by the school? I’m being silly, you probably don’t know...

- I think I can help you study, if that's your question.

I nod slightly. I appreciate how quickly Bronze understands. Sometimes I wonder how she does it, because I'm far from being very explicit.

- It shouldn't be too bad then...

- As I said earlier, management is still a good foundation that will always be useful in life. However, I don't want to push you into it if you don’t like it. That's not the goal.

- No, but you're right. I can't pursue art here, so I might as well go for something that will be useful, right? At least I'll have a fallback option in any case.

- So, do you want to keep that option then?

- Yeah, in first position.

- Really? she raises an eyebrow. Wouldn’t you prefer to put literature first? It would be a bit more creative, even if it's not related to art.

- No. The goal isn’t to become a librarian or something. I'd rather put it as a second option.

- It's up to you. And for the last option then?

- I'm not too sure. I was thinking about foreign languages. I’m pretty good at them and I like breaking down international barriers. Do people usually get their last options?

- No, never in the final year, but it’s still good to have three options. It’s in the first year that class allocation is more challenging. Students are still figuring things out, like you right now, so there are always options that interest some more than others.

- How do they allocate students then?

- Well, based on grades. They take the best students to reward them. In the second year, some students switch options if the first one didn’t convince them. And since changes can only be made once, there’s hardly any class switching in the final year. So, the third option is rarely reached.

- I see. Well, it doesn't matter then. I could put languages, sports, or even engineering!

- I wouldn't do that if I were you, she laughs. You never know. Management and literature options might already be full.

- Do you think I have a chance in sports...? I ask hesitantly. Never mind, forget it, I say seeing her reaction. It's a ridiculous idea.

I lower my head, mortified with shame. Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut. She already told me she wouldn’t take sports for me. I thought about it because I know half of my friends will choose that option. I felt my head being lifted by two fingers under my chin. Bronze smiles at me with such kindness in her expression.

- You have a serious lack of self-confidence, Ona. I think you have potential that you probably don't even notice. You don't even realize how you always push yourself to the limit when you get a bit of encouragement. You've never given up on my punishments, even though others would have certainly done so in your place.

- At the same time, you don't give me a choice...

- I might be nicer to you normally, but I’m stricter with my punishments.

I look at her with wide eyes at these revelations. I didn’t know it was the case. She clears her throat seeing the look on my face.

- Well, it was the case at the beginning. I stopped since you calmed down. Believe me, I've never seen someone with a mentality like yours. You weren't athletic, yet you accepted my punishments. By the way, I'd like to see you again during my morning runs.

I grimace at the thought. This girl is crazy. How can she keep running when it's freezing outside! I don’t know if she realizes that snow is about to fall soon. One thing she’s right about is that I have no self-confidence. My past experiences have a lot to do with it. She doesn’t realize that she’s the one helping me get better. She pushes me to do things I would never have accomplished before. It's only because I feel she believes in me. More than I do, more than anyone.

- It’s negotiable. It’s way too cold to run right now.

- Hmm, she smiles. You’re a wimp!

- You can’t use my pride against me!

- Yes, I can, she giggles. Alright, back to the options. I wouldn’t put sports. It doesn’t align with your plans and there’s no need to include it just to be with your friends for a semester.

I blush at her raised eyebrow. Damn, she got it all. She must know Alexia is taking that option.

- If you want to do sports, do it as a hobby. Like running, for example...

- I won’t change my mind, I chuckle. Well, you’re right. I’ll stick with languages then.

- Or you could put medicine, since it would be a continuation of your studies.

- No thanks. I spent my high school years studying something that doesn’t interest me. I don’t want to go through that again and especially not to please my mother.

- Alright, she nods.

What I appreciate about Bronze is that she never asks personal questions. Or very rarely. She’ll always let me come to her when I want to open up on my own. I sigh, massaging my temples. My brain is starting to overheat from thinking. I’m glad to see the end in sight.

- It’s only Tuesday. You still have two evenings to think about it calmly.

- I don’t need to think any more. It will be management, literature, and foreign language.

- Well, if you’re decided... You can also put history if you prefer.

- You’re silly, I chuckle. Is it from spending time with you?

- Definitely.

- Oh, I say, placing my hand on my heart. You break my heart, I add dramatically.

- Poor little thing, she laughs.

I pout with crossed arms. I try to keep the expression, but it’s difficult when Bronze is smiling so broadly. She then pinches my cheek to tease me.

- Oh, but look at the big baby pouting.

- Stop it, I giggle, wriggling my head to escape her grasp. I’m not a kid.

- Oh, but you are, she says bluntly. I’ll consider you differently when you prove it to me.

- I’ve already proven it to you!

- Hmm... No. Not enough.

- Tsss. It shouldn’t be someone barely older than me telling me that.

- How much are you willing to give me? she smiles.

Where’s the catch? I thought she was going to brush me off like earlier when I asked her age. Why is she playing along? Well, why not if it helps me get some information about her...

- Twenty-seven? I say randomly.

- Hmm... Interesting.

- Am I getting warm?

- You’ll never know, she laughs.

I roll my eyes. Missed it. Of course, she won’t tell me anything. And I’m the kid? I’m convinced she’s not more mature than I am if she lets loose outside the establishment. Unless she’s really uptight, but I doubt it. She really exudes a strong self-confidence.

- It’s not fair, I say, crossing my arms. By the way, when is your birthday?

- Why does it interest you?

- Well, it interests me! I’d like to be able to wish you a happy birthday like you did for me.

- You won’t be able to. You’ll already be back in Barcelona when I have another year.

- Who says I’m going back?

- It seems obvious. Aren’t those your intentions?

I think I’ve piqued her curiosity. I smile, thinking that I’m not the only one curious here.

- I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately.

- Why? You have your life over there.

- Yeah. My life with a lot of bad memories.

- Is it because you’re on bad terms with your family?

- Among other things... With what I’ve been through the last two years too.

I fall back into my memories. I still feel just as bad thinking about it. She places her hand on my shoulder to keep me from sinking into my thoughts. She gives me a smile that would reassure anyone.

- You’re not alone anymore. I’m here if you need it, just like Alexia and the others. I’ll never leave you, and if you ever need to confide, I’ll be all ears.

She puts a bit more pressure on my shoulder. I smile faintly. I just need a bit of support and she offers it willingly. I’m on the verge of speaking, but I can’t yet. It’s still too hard. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I try to control them to keep them from rolling down my cheeks. I know that if I ever feel the need to open up, it will be to her. I trust her. It won’t be Alexia or even Mapi, but Bronze. She’s the only one who has reached a level where she has influence in my life. I’m simply not ready yet. To avoid breaking down, I decide to change the subject entirely.

- I need to fill out the form.

She nods understandingly, removing her hand from my shoulder. I immediately miss her touch. It was reassuring. She pushes the form in front of me, placing my pen on it.

- Only fill it out if you’re sure.

I don’t hesitate at any moment when writing down my choices on the dotted lines. They can only be the right ones. Her advice has been valuable, and I know she’ll help me if I run into difficulties. I like all the options. Even the languages will be useful later if I work with foreigners. International communication is important. I just hope my first choice gets approved. Bronze and I exchange a smile when I put the pen down. I take a deep breath and slump back into the chair. I look at the sheet where the options are proudly written. I have no regrets. Now, we’ll have to wait for the results. I check my watch, which reads six o'clock. It took an hour for me to finally know what to do with my life. She really took her time with me. Three hours have passed since I sat in this chair.

- By the way, you didn’t answer about your birthday.

- October 28th.

I look at her in surprise, not expecting a real answer. She smiles with amusement.

- Alright, I’ll make a note of it.

- Well, I still have some work to do, she says, standing up.

- Thank you for your help.

- You don’t need to thank me, she smiles as she sits down across from me.

- Do you mind if I stay a bit longer to work?

- No. The door is always open, as you can see, she says, pointing to the door.

- Haha! I just want to review my math and then I’ll leave you alone.

- You have a lot of courage, she chuckles.

- Good grades are earned, and it saves me from doing it tonight.

- True. You’d better get a good grade after all this studying, or you’ll hear about it from me.

I nod with a smile. I hope so too. I could have met up with Alexia, but I don’t want to. I need to succeed in my test, and studying is the key to success. My smile doesn’t leave my face as I watch Bronze resume her work. I’m glad things are finally falling into place since yesterday.

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[peakyswritings]

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART II

Summary: Nina has a chat with Tommy, and she doesn’t hesitate to make some things clear. As they get to know each other more, they learn one thing: neither of them wants to let the other win.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, English is not my first language.

A/N: This is set somewhere between season 1 and 2. Feedback is always appreciated🤍 Read part I HERE

SERIES MASTERLIST

SERIES MOODBOARD

Gif credit

Dividers credit

Tommy followed Nina’s quick steps down the hallway of her big house, his mind still racing from the past events. He still had to come to terms with the fact that he was in Sicily, he was alive, and the deal was not some trap set in order to get rid of him.

Nina stopped in front of a door, turning to look at him for the first time since she had started walking. She tucked a loose strand of her long hair behind her ear, finally resting her gaze upon him.

“This is your room.” She said, opening the door. “It has a private bathroom. If you need more towels or stuff like that, you can take them from the cabinet at the end of the hallway. Make yourself at home.”

Her flat tone, in high contrast with her polite words, made it plain that she had been told to be civil, and that she didn’t really care about him feeling comfortable. Tommy figured that the grudge she apparently held against him was probably due to the fact that, just like he didn’t trust those people, she didn’t trust him.

Nina’s dark eyes shifted to stare at something right above his head, and it didn’t take him long to realise she was looking at the razors sewn in his cap. He waited for her bold facade to crumble, for the unmistakable signs of fear to appear on her face. However, defying all his expectations, the glimpse shining in her eyes was not one of fear, rather one of curiosity.

“The Peaky Blinders…” she murmured, more to herself than to him, with the tone of someone who was suddenly aware of something. Then she blinked, seemingly recollecting herself. “I just wondered why you called yourselves like that.” She explained.

“Now you know.” He said, with a nod of his head.

Silence fell between them as they stood face to face, studying each other, all while keeping their distance. There was a fiery stubbornness in her eyes, but it wasn’t intentional, or a mere way of presenting herself to the world. It was rooted in her very nature. That restless gaze was something that Tommy knew all too well.

“Anyway, you won’t need it.” Nina suddenly spoke, nodding towards his cap. “Just like you won’t need the gun you’re hiding inside your coat. Don’t bring them to the lunch.”

Tommy squinted his eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but no sound came out of it as words failed him. How the hell would she know what he was hiding in his coat?

She shot him one last glance before walking past him, without giving him the chance to speak. Only when she reached the middle of the hallway, she spoke again, slightly raising her voice. “Lunch will be served in an hour. Don’t be late.”

“He’s not an old man.”

Nina went straight to the point as she stormed inside her cousin’s bedroom, eager to ease at least one of her worries. After her conversation with Tommy, she had hastily left her house, crossed the shared garden, and rushed inside Agnese’s house for an update session.

“Good.” Agnese said, taking one last look in the mirror before turning to face her cousin, who had proceeded to sit on her bed. “How does he look?” She asked, some sort of trepidation in her eyes.

Not like a Devil, Nina thought to herself. She had heard stories about him, about how everybody called him “The Peaky Blinder Devil”. She had pictured him like an unpleasant man - nasty, even -, rough and surly. Instead, he couldn’t have been more different. She had to admit that he was, in fact, quite attractive. And his manners were fairly good.

“He’s… nice.” She hesitated, the word feeling like a burning lump she had to swallow. “He has blue yes.”

Agnese stared at her with a puzzled look in her eyes, probably expecting something more articulate. But as much as she tried, Nina couldn’t find the words to describe the man she had just met. For some reason, they just wouldn’t come out.

“Don’t worry, you won’t be a Teresa.” Nina broke the silence with a joke, making her cousin chuckle.

“Well, that’s a relief.”

Teresa was a girl they used to play with when they were children, a sweet girl, unfortunately born in a poor family. She was married off as soon as she turned eighteen. The man was twice her age, smelled foul and missed a front tooth.

Being a Teresa was not that uncommon.

“Anyway, it’s not like he’s betrothed to me. They just suggested him to marry me.” She remarked, grabbing a hairbrush and turning towards the mirror again. “He might not choose me.”

Nina raised her eyebrows as she looked at her cousin in disbelief. “Are you serious?” She asked, slightly raising her voice. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the village, everybody says. And you’re gentle, and good.”

Agnese shook her head, slowly brushing her brown hair. “My sisters are beautiful as well. And so are our cousins both from your mother and my mother’s side.”

“Yes, but your sisters are not even twenty yet. And our cousins don’t know a single English word.” She pointed out. “Who else would he choose, me?”

A genuine laugh escaped from Agnese’s lips at her cousin’s sarcastic remark. Everybody knew Nina wasn’t exactly marriage material, with her smart mouth and unusual ideas. Silence fell between them as Agnese struggled to tie the front parts of her hair behind her head with a ribbon. Nina got up from the bed and walked up to her. She took the ribbon from her hand and started to style her hair. “Don’t be worried, Agnese. I’m sure he’ll only have eyes for you.” She said softly, giving her a supportive smile through the mirror.

When she finished, Nina sat back on the bed, suddenly becoming serious. She fidgeted with the hem of a blanket, trying to voice her thoughts without sounding negative. “Is this what you want, though?”

Agnese glanced at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t it be?” She asked, pure wonder in her voice. “I’ve always known I’d have to get married.”

Nina sighed, slightly shaking her head. Sometimes she felt like her thoughts were something that could be understood by her and only her. She had no one to share them with, no one who would genuinely listen. And even though her cousin was the only one who didn’t look at her as if she was some lost cause, Nina knew that, deep down, she thought what everybody else did. That one day, Nina would have to stop with her nonsense and get married.

“Yes, but doesn’t it bother you?” Nina asked, her dark eyes full of obstinacy. “They don’t involve us in the business, but they use us as some sort of bargaining chip when it suits them.” She spat out.

“The business is men’s business, Nina.” Agnese said with a soft voice, trying to reason with her. “We help the only way we can.”

“But what do we get from it?” She insisted.

“Security, stability. Someone who provides for us. That’s how things are. It’s not like we have any other choice.”

Nina scoffed, putting an end to the conversation. It was an important day for her cousin, and she didn’t want to ruin it for her. But as much as she tried to support her, she couldn’t understand how she could just accept that. In moments like those, their difference emerged in all its magnitude.

And she was well aware they really couldn’t be any more different. Not just in the way they thought, but in the very depths of their being. That difference was right before everyone’s eyes. She had been compared to Agnese all her life, to her beauty, to her softness. There was nothing soft about Nina. She was all sharp edges and searing looks. Where Agnese wore a smile bright enough to put the sun to shame, Nina wore a scowl. Where Agnese’s words, sweet like honey, meant to soothe, Nina’s words meant to cut. She was outspoken, and defensive, and angry. Angry at her family, whose judgmental stare burned on her skin. Angry at her mother, who had wanted her different since the moment she had drawn her first breath. Angry at her father, who still treated her like a little girl who knew nothing of the word. Angry at Tommy Shelby, who thought he could just barge in and state some claim over one of them.

Standing up, Nina shot her cousin one last look before walking towards the door. “I’ll wait for you in the garden.”

Not even half an our after Tommy Shelby’s arrival, the garden was already full of nosy relatives, half of whom didn’t even have a part in the business. The news of there being a gangster had roused the interest of ambitious mothers and their giddy daughters.

“Is it always like this?”

Tommy’s voice came to Nina’s as he walked up to her, stopping by her side. She was quite pleased to see that he had listened to her and taken off his cap, along with his coat and his jacket. No gun nor razors in sight.

“No, thank God.” She shook her head. “Usually, we only gather on Sunday. But now you’re here, and everybody’s curious.” She explained, her Italian accent coming through with all those r’s. “Those people there,” she pointed towards a group of people talking next to the table, “they’re from my mother’s side. And those ones-” she indicated another set of relatives, “they’re from Aunt Rita’s side, Agnese’s mother. I’d tell you to introduce yourself, but they don’t speak English.”

Tommy nodded to himself, trying to keep all that information in mind. “Are they part of the business, too?”

“No. The business is only run by my father’s side of the family. By they do benefit from it.”

A part of him was glad that he didn’t have to remember all of those people, or to interact with them. His main concern were the Ferrante brothers - or rather, two of them, since Antonio had stayed in England -, their wives and their sons and daughters.

“For the next few days this is how it’s gonna be.” Nina spoke again, a hint of annoyance in her voice as she looked around. “Once you make it clear who it is that you want to marry, the whole thing will die out. I hope.”

“Your uncle Mario has three daughters, right?” Tommy asked, trying to put together what he had learned about the family. He was pretty sure he remembered all of the important things, but a recapitulation wouldn’t hurt.

“Yes.” She confirmed. “Agnese, Rosa and Sofia.”

“And you only have brothers.” He said, taking his cigarette case out of his pocket. He opened it and offered Nina a cigarette, but she politely declined.

“No, thank you. Two older brothers.”

He rubbed the cigarette against his lower lip before lighting it. He took a long drag, relishing the calming feeling of the smoke filling his lungs. All that situation was nerve-racking, way more than he had imagined. They could’ve simply arranged a marriage with Agnese and get on with it, but no, they had to do things the right way. See if they got along, see if there could be a better match. But it just looked like some kind of sale.

“So it would be convenient to marry one of you four.” He noted, speaking more to himself than to her. “Because all of your other cousins and their family are not directly involved in the business. And they don’t speak English.”

“One of them.” She corrected him, crossing her arms over her chest.

Tommy blinked, feeling like he had missed some part of the conversation. “What?”

“You’re here to marry one of them.” Nina clarified, emphasising the last word. “I took myself out of the list.”

He exhaled a cloud of smoke, trying to hide the amused grin that threatened to appear on his face. Although he barely knew that girl, the thing didn’t surprise him in the slightest. “Could you do that?”

“Who cares?” She shrugged, raising her eyebrows. “It’s not like you could force me anyway.”

There was something entertaining in those quick answers, in the way she didn’t hesitate to make things clear. He had the impression that she had been constantly challenging him since the moment they had met, and it was something completely different from what he was used to. He wasn’t even sure she was doing it on purpose, it seemed to be just her way of being. “No, I couldn’t.” He agreed, flicking the ash to the ground. “And I wouldn’t. But if I were to choose you, and you were to say no, and I were to consider all of your cousins as unsuitable, I could decide to go on with the war. Would you take that responsibility upon yourself?” He provoked her, squinting his eyes.

Of course, Tommy would’ve never done something like that. It wasn’t in his interest to find a wife that was “suitable”, he only wanted to put an end to that war. But the girl in front of him seemed clever and quick-witted, and he was curious to see how long she would manage to hold her own.

“As I come to understand, this peace is more necessary to you than it is to us.” Nina started. “You were the ones who have been hit the hardest. You lost two pubs and a warehouse, right? And a few men.” She added, and it sounded more like a statement than a question. She cast him a sly glance, her brown iris glinting with smugness when she noticed the muscles clenching in his jaw. “You won’t go on with the war, it would be suicide.”

Tommy raised eyebrows with a nod, finding himself in the position of acknowledging that she, in fact, had a point. “I thought you weren’t involved in the business.” He said, before taking another drag from his cigarette. He knew the Italians were more old-fashioned in that sense. The men didn’t trouble their wives, sisters and daughters with the matters of business, not only because said business was dangerous, but mainly because there was a hierarchy to respect.

“I’m not.” She shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t know things.” She added cryptically.

Tommy had to give it to her, she was smart. However, there was a small detail she was forgetting, and he was determined to have the last word. “The thing is,” he drew on his cigarette again, taking his sweet time before going on. “If your family didn’t need me, I wouldn’t be here.”

He turned to look at Nina, staying quiet for a few seconds to test her reaction. She kept her gaze on a spot in front of her, waiting for him to go on, and from the expression on her face Tommy knew he had a chance of winning that conversation. “You can’t defeat Sabini without my help. You know he’s working with the Solomons, now?”

That was it. With a certain satisfaction, Tommy realised that she had no idea of what he was talking about. Maybe she didn’t know everything, after all. “You don’t even know who Solomons is, do you?” He rubbed it in with a taunting tone, stomping out his cigarette.

Before she could have the chance to answer, a voice called from behind them.

“Mr Shelby.”

Vincenzo Ferrante approached him, followed by a man and a young woman. “Meet my brother, Mario, and his daughter, Agnese.”

Tommy shook Mario’s hand before shifting his attention to the girl. They were right, she was a beauty. Her brown hair fell down to her shoulders, framing her sweet face. The pink, floral dress she was wearing flowed around the soft curves of her body, gracefully brushing against her rounded hips. Her doe eyes looked at him with shyness, and for a moment she seemed almost intimidated. But then, her full lips curved in a gentle smile, and her cheeks turned a vivid shade of pink as she held out her hand to him.

“Pleasure.” He shook it delicately, offering her a kind smile.

Agnese then turned to Nina, giving her a warm hug, but it was clear that it was just an excuse to whisper something in her ear. Nina shook her head, saying something in a fake scolding tone, making her cousin laugh.

“Come, Mr Shelby,” Vincenzo spoke again, drawing Tommy’s attention back to him. “I’ll introduce you to my wife.”

Against Tommy’s expectations, the lunch ran smoothly. He was introduced to Nina’s mother, Maria, and Agnese’s mother, Rita, although he didn’t speak much with them because of their lack of English. He engaged in conversation with Nina’s older brothers, Salvatore and Pietro, who were starting to take part in the Italian side of the business, and he met Agnese’s sisters. Sitting across from Nina, he noticed how she only spoke with Agnese, while her interactions with her aunts - the ones from her mother’s side of the family - were brief and characterised by some kind of tension. Her numerous cousins, for their part, seemed to barely acknowledge her existence. Tommy couldn’t help but steal a glance at her from time to time. For all she tried to put on a serene face, her rigid posture gave away how uncomfortable she actually was. Perhaps this time he had stared at her for a bit too long, because she raised her gaze from her plate to look at him. Their eyes met for a second, but Tommy was quick to look away, nodding at something that Mario Ferrante had said to him.

The lunch lasted until the early afternoon. After the majority of the relatives who had joined it had left - except for some of the aunts - Maria and Rita called their daughters to help cleaning everything up. Tommy remained sat at the table with Vincenzo, his two sons and Mario, all of them ready to settle the terms of the peace once and for all. Tommy’s headache, which had been plaguing him since the moment he had left Small Heath, was finally starting to subside. Now he would declare his intention to start courting Agnese, as they had suggested, and hopefully in a few weeks he’d be married and with one less enemy. Too much time had already been wasted, and getting to know the other girls would’ve slowed everything down even more. He wasn’t there to find the perfect match, he was there to save his family and his business. Agnese would do.

“So one of yours might get married soon, eh, Mario?” Vincenzo teased his brother, grabbing a bottle full of some bright yellow liquid that his wife had brought, before pouring it five small glasses. “Limoncello.” He said, handing one to Tommy.

“Who says? Maybe it’s your Nina that will get married.” Mario playfully retorted, winking at him with the glass in his hand.

Vincenzo chuckled, as if his brother had said the most amusing thing in the world. “You know my Nina’s not ready for marriage. Let’s leave her alone for a couple more years.” Having said that, he shot Tommy a look. It was a silent warning, my daughter is not up for sale.

Tommy cleared his throat, straightening his back. Maybe it was a bit too soon to declare his intention. As much as he wanted to get it over with, he didn’t want to seem hasty. Because, again, those people wanted to do things the right way.

Waiting two or three days wouldn’t hurt.

“Look at them, sitting at the table like fucking kings.” Nina murmured, looking out the window as she scrubbed a plate. “God forbid they raise a finger.”

Luckily for her, neither her mother nor her aunts could understand what she was saying, and her cousins were too busy talking amongst themselves to listen to her. She was in no mood for a scolding. She kept on cleaning, getting lost in her own thoughts. That day had been draining, and it wasn’t even over yet. It was always like that, every time that the family gathered. Feeling judged and looked down upon for everything she said or did was tiring. It didn’t matter how much she tried to be good, there was always someone ready to point their finger behind fake curiosity and nasty smiles.

And now they were speaking loudly, talking about how beautiful Agnese was, about how Mr Shelby surely was already in love with her. Nina pretended not to see how they tended to look at her while making their comments. It was an implicit comparison, she knew. And she knew she was right when the comparison became explicit. Aunt Clara, one of her mother’s sisters, said only half jokingly that Nina would find a husband as well one day, if she decided to get rid of that frown and put some meat on those bones.

For once, Nina bit her tongue and kept on scrubbing the plate, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of a retort. Her mother, however, blushed and cleared her throat, almost embarrassed by the situation. Nina knew that her opinion about her was not that different from her aunts’, and that her behaviour was indefensible even for her mother.

Maria poured the coffee she had just prepared in five small cups that she had placed in a tray, then asked her daughter to bring it to the men. Nina sighed and grabbed the tray. At least she could leave that kitchen now.

She went out into the garden and walked to the table, that was now full of cigarette holders, matches, bottles and small glasses. She squeezed between their chairs, trying to find an empty spot big enough to place the tray. No one seemed to notice as she struggled make space with one hand, while with the other she balanced the tray, trying her best not to spill the coffee. A wave of irritation spread from her stomach, slowly rising to her chest and shoulders, all the way to her head, and soon she was gritting her teeth, her patience rapidly running out. Just when she was about to snap, two strong hands grabbed the tray, guiding it towards the space she had just cleared. Tommy’s blue irises pierced through her, and for a moment all her anger left her. There was something calming, in that particular shade of blue. She cast him a grateful glance, not only for his help, but mainly for preventing her from throwing a fit.

“Oh, no, no, please, sit, Mr. Shelby.” Her brother Pietro said, waving his hand. Nina raised her eyebrows, fighting the urge to slap him on the back of his head.

Tommy squinted his eyes and for a moment it seemed like he was about to say something. Then his gaze rested upon Nina again, and he nodded at her. “Thank you for the coffee.” He said, sitting back in his chair.

She took a few steps back, looking at him one last time before starting to walk away. Before she could go far, Pietro’s voice came to her ears again.

“Hand me the ashtray.”

Nina stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She gathered all her strength to remain calm, and turned around to look at him. “You have hands,” she simply said, before going back to the house.

It would be a long day, indeed.

NEXT PART

Heart, Body and Soul tag list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240

Regular tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

[kanmom51]

JM live 15 June 2023 20:46 or 8:46pm KST

cr./to the creators of the media used in this post.

*Disclaimer: I hate Tumblr and it's stupid ass image limit. My personal feeling about this post is that it's lacking, but I guess c'est la vie, did the best under the circumstances (at least that's what I'll keep telling myself).

Guess what?

We already saw the pattern with JK, but is it possible that JM is joining in on the it? I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

I won't be talking about every single thing that came up in JM's 1 hr. and 20 min. live. What I will do is touch on a few of the interesting things that happened during the live (well, what I found interesting at least), and what followed the live as well. Because JM didn't just show and dip. He wanted to take up home in his pocket, although he did think that over 7 million at his place might be too much, maybe if it was half of that it would be ok, lol. But we know JM, for reals, he wouldn't do a live at home, so he did the second best thing, which was to come back to us with posts and comments on Weverse.

Anyways, what did we have in the live?

JM talked about the 10 year anniversary a bit. Telling us he's not really that excited, but the biggest emotion he's feeling is fun. I get the not feeling excited. He also explains why. I'm happy that he felt it fun, I can't help but think that it was a bit of a bitter sweet celebration for them. He touched, not touched on it, when he mentioned the two members in the army at the moment.

JM tells us what he's up to lately, his daily schedule, more or less.

He's asked if he's working on a song, and JM like JM answers this:

He later gives us a little more detail: he's been working out and eating healthy and working on some music and living well. Once a week he allows himself to rest.

The question I ask is if JK allows him to rest too? Lol, nah. I guess that's the day they take off to visit Bammie. Ehm... we do have the scratch to prove it...

Jokes aside, JM talks about how it's good for him to have a set schedule and be at work. For him and JK both (that's me talking not JM). And seeing that RM kind of spilled the tea, we can guess that the workouts are probably, at least some of the time, together with JK.

At the 10:40 mark approx. Tae shows up in the comments.

JM, the kind of sassy and a true Slytherin that he is tells Tae, he will if Tae continues to comment for the whole time.

Well, I guess that was the end of it for Tae, lol.

Fuck people for calling him chubby in the comments. I hate this obsession with his weight, but even more so I hate people sitting at home on their asses and calling this 1.73 meter tall man that weighs 62.5 kg after putting on over 4 kg to get there, chubby. Like wtf? Man is skinny. And minus those 4 kgs he was fucking too skinny. Do they want him to starve himself? Do they not remember the issues he had in the past with his weight (issues which always linger even if you are "eating healthy" as he put it)?

Ok, so at around 14:55 min. JM's asked for the first time about the rainy day fight. When watching live, I kind of thought he was evading the question, but him answering the question later on, I tend to believe that maybe he just misunderstood the question at that point.

JM talks about sleep and R.E.M and how when you dream your mind is active and you don't really get deep sleep, and watching a video about it. I find it kind of funny and coincidental - NOT - that JK seems to have said practically the same things using similar wording in his live as well.

But no, they definitely aren't spending time together.

JM tells us he went to sleep at 6 am, woke up at 12 pm, made himself some chicken breast to eat and went back to sleep. Sound familiar anyone?

Sleep patterns. Chicken breast for lunch.

But no, they definitley aren't spending time together.

JM is asked to do the live all night.

He wants to sleep early.

Funny how that didn't work out for him... I guess someone was staying up to be able to speak with that very special person that happened to be in LA and would be waking up just as JM was supposed to go to sleep?

Slept at 12 and woke up at 8, ate at 12 pm, rest and go to workout at 2:30 pm approx., start working at 5 pm, at night he studied English. Ehm...didn't somebody else just let us know, repeatedly, that he's working hard on his English?

From his 5 June live:

Nah, I guess just another coincidence.

What I'm finding interesting is if JM is done with his promotions and it's off to the army any time now, why would he be working on his English?

Oh how I do hope that this is for something in the pipelines that involves the two of them TOGETHER!!!

Well, it is hard to break a sleeping pattern that has been with you for years and years. We all know of JM and JK's late night/early morning escapades. All night buddies that they are.

Rainy day fight, JM's version:

So this time around JM understands the comment asking about the rainy day fight and gives us his version of it.

Of course we got JM's JK smile.

He does tell us he's giving us an edited version of it. JK, on the other hand, edited without telling us, lol. Both said a lot about the what happened before and after, but magically didn't mention exactly what was said at the moment by JK to anger JM so so much for him to react the way he did.

Anyway, we got is the story from JM's pov. And yes, there are some differences, but I wouldn't expect otherwise. 2 people, 2 povs. No 2 stories would ever be exactly the same.

The main discrepancy I found was the timeline. JK's being when they were trainees, and JM's all over the place but still later on (2014-15). Idk, I'm gonna side with JK on this one, lol. Like I mentioned in the post about JK's live, I feel like this fight was way more impactful for JK than it was for JM. And as such it's more etched on his brain than it is for JM.

Something I found interesting was how each of them was keen to take responsibility for the fight. JK blaming himself for how he behaved and what he said, and JM the same.

What I also found interesting and very much not surprising is how this fandom roles. JK taking blame for the fight = "oh poor baby bunny JK, how big of him to take the blame"; JM taking blame fir the fight = "omg, how mean is JM picking on baby bunny JK, being so mean to him, ugh we hate JM."

Did I mention how there are some parts of this fandom that I absolutely despise?

One thing they both corroborated was the state of JK's eyes the morning after, lol.

Both JM and JK were happy giggly while telling the story.

A fight that definitley left it's mark of them both but also something to reminisce back on fondly.

Something else we learnt from JM's live was that he most definitely watched JK's live. He watched JK tell us about the rainy day fight and he also found JK's impersonation of G-Dragon very funny.

When is your next album coming JM?

Listening to army love letter

JM was truly moved by this.

Did JK cook Ramen for you?

JM averting eyes away from camera and moving on at the speed of light to..."oh angel pt. 2 came out today..."

There are 1001 options to why not yet. I'm not going to even start going there, because it's irrelevant and unimportant.

What I do know is JM chose to answer that comment but a. unlike the other comments that had to do with JK which he did answer, this one answer didn't come with a JK or jungkookie attached to it. It was short and he was done with it, and b. the way he looked away from the camera while saying it and repeating it once before just changing the subject was just so sus and felt like overcompensating.

Of course there are those that jumped at it like the dead feeders that they are. This must mean that they haven't seen each other. That JM isn't important to JK, etc. etc.

Funny how JM and JK don't see each other but are eating the same things for lunch, like Chicken breast and rice… or how they aren't seeing each other but JM somehow, magically, adjusted JK's mood lamp at JK's place…telepathy and telekinesis I guess. Oh, and did we discuss the sleeping patterns yet or the fact that they both happened to bring up the science mambo jumbo about sleep and dreams, almost word for word? But nope. They definitley aren't seeing each other and definitley aren't close. Also, for someone that is distanced they sure seem to be keeping up with each others lives. JM must be really bored to be sitting down and watching JK's long ass lives.

Moving on.

JM, being the king of evading answering whatever he doesn't want to answer, reads out comments asking about travel and tattoos, and decides those are topics he does not deem answer worthy, lol.

Do I talk about the goldfish lips? Nah, I don't wanna. Go watch!

Mashimaro

And this is JK way back in 2015 already.

JM assuming the position

So after saying he should do the next live lying down, cheeky thing that he is decided he's taking JK's sleeping live and raising him one, by taking us all home with him in his pocket, lol.

Although he took it all back. Yeah yeah, excuses excuses. So he can't fit 7 million into his place. Boo hoo. 3.5 million he can but 7 he can't. I do not accept such a cop out.

And then he was done, well more or less. Hungry, asking us for recommendations for food, and tired, he says his goodbyes and turns the live off.

But that wasn't the end of it. Nope.

Remember JM said he'd update us when he got home?

Well, he did. He came back to update us time after time after time.

And a comment too

Oh, and the next day as well.

Also interesting how that 5 and 8 found their way time after time into JM's posts and/or comments. 58 that happens to represent JK time after time.

At the end of the day what did we get from the live?

We got the rainy day fight - JM's perspective (muddled up timeline though, but I forgive him, getting old does make you forgetful, lol).

We got JM tell us he has seen JK's live, the one with him telling us his side of the rainy day fight and doing his G-Dragon impersonation, and I think we can assume he saw the sleeping live too.

I can't help but wonder if JM was reprimanded for commenting on JKs previous lives (you know with the shrimp, not really shrimp, comment and let me tie your hair), or perhaps he's just laying there enjoying watching his bf crush on him live.

We had JM call army and their comments cute. Funny, huh? How JK did that too?

Kind of interesting how the two seem to be saying the same things (the cute and the sleep talk), acting the same way, eating the same things.

I was going to add a clip and link here to JK's chicken breast eating tales, him cooking chicken breast with rice, him talking about eating chicken breast for lunch. Him eating healthy now days. Sounds familiar does it? JM talking about eating chicken breast for lunch, about eating chicken breast with rice. About eating healthy lately...

But damn Tumblr won't allow me. So you guys will either have to take my word for it (please don't), or go looking. You will see I am right...

For fun I will just leave you here with this:

Cause why not end this with an ear to ear smile on our faces?

[cherr-22]

TNGDH 26

The study was filled with people even before the sun rose.

The Kyle who once kissed me ten times a day only kissed me thrice. He worked busily as if he had forgotten about my existence.

On one side, it’s a good thing. I don’t have to deal with his otaku-ness.

“Move that item to this side. The clothes too.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Good. And the report?”

“It has been sorted out, Your Highness.”

“Well done. Then call that person over here.”

“Are you talking about the demonic beast specialist? I am not sure if he is in his room right now…… as Your Highness has mentioned before, it seems the time he is out is longer than the time he stays in the room.”

Kyle drew a faint smile.

“Still, we promised to go together. He must be waiting.”

“I understand, Your Highness. I will call him over quickly. Then Your Highness…….”

“I will be going over the reports on the demonic beasts for a moment.”

With that, he came over briefly to give a pat on my head and began to read over the reports.

Since it was a crucial matter, Kyle’s expression became serious. Even the smallest detail could determine life or death.

I contemplated to whether I should use the replica hamster, but decided that a ‘Summon’ would be enough after seeing Kyle focusing hard on his duties.

‘Current Miracle Points are roughly 26 percent…….’

No matter how fast we return, it could take up to half a day.

Who knows how many acorn cookies I would have to eat. Do you not do bulk sales? Well, okay then…… I’ll think about it when the time comes. Worst comes worst, I’ll pretend to return early.

I used ‘Summon’.

[I wish you good luck! (ෆ`꒳´ෆ)]

I wore my now familiar clothes and pretended as if I have been waiting in the room for a while. The soldiers then came and guided me back to the study.

Until the moment I entered the study, Kyle was busy reading. Seeing him like this made him look very diligent and tenacious.

“The Northern winds are harsh.”

He gestured at a box on the table.

“Wear this now. We will depart immediately.”

I looked inside the box.

There were sturdy leather boots, a hooded long coat, and light-weighted bow and arrows.

“The bow and arrows will not be necessary for this reconnaissance, but it is good to get used to having them equipped.”

For him to say that, it must be extremely uncomfortable to carry around.

I suppressed my urge to talk back. What could I do anyway? If I wanted to find one that was comfortable, I would’ve just stayed quietly in the castle.

“I’ve also prepared something.”

I was trying to figure out when to give it to him for a while, so this would be a good time.

I pretended to carefully take out my coat pocket and called the store.

[Love Love Corner~❤]

I will never get used to that name ‘Whatever Corner’.

‘Anyways, let’s see. The hamster items…….’

[Fluffy hamster yarn! ｜ ❤×10]

[Small and precious knitting needle set ｜ ❤×10]

[Try making one yourself! 79 styles of hamster clothes ｜ ❤×20]

Hey, hey! Hey!

What’s with the prices! They all have an extra ‘0’ than before! Isn’t this a scam?

[o(TヘTo)]

If someone were to see us, they would think I’m the one scamming you with your expression like that. This is absurd.

‘Still, I can buy it since I have plenty of Hearts compared to Miracle Points…….’

From now on, I should buy items beforehand while they are cheap. To betray a person like this. I don’t have a choice so I should accept it at the moment.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×185]

New items arrived in the Love Love Corner.

[Demonic Beast Encyclopedia ｜ ❤×200]

This is exactly what I want!

I cried of joy inside.

‘I wonder if the system requires the Hearts and Miracle Points to constantly update the store.’

If that’s the case, I could look over the increase in price from earlier. That is, if they release useful items like this.

However, there’s a problem…….

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×185]

……Not enough Hearts.

I probably could’ve bought it if I hadn’t been ripped off.

I resisted the urge to curse out loud.

“What’s wrong?”

The image of Kyle reading <Try making one yourself! 79 styles of hamster clothes> as seriously as the report from before appeared before me.

“Well…… umm, so. Do you like my present?”

“I don’t know if it’ll like wearing these clothes, but they are definitely cute.”

He flipped to a page and showed it to me. It was a picture of a pink cape with a strawberry-shaped embroidery.

“Oh…….”

Bastard. You think it’d like that? The hamster would punch you if it could. And how do I know that? I know that because I’m that hamster.

Of all 79 clothes, you just had to pick that one? How about the others? Don’t tell me all the other 78 clothes are also like that.

That stupid strawberry. In all twenty-seven years of my life, I never worn such a ridiculous print. I wouldn’t even wear it by accident.

“……I-I’m sure it’ll like it. Is that pattern to your taste?”

“Well. Just imagining Cashew wearing it makes me happy.”

Kyle’s expression grew a little brighter..

I quickly checked the amount of Hearts I have.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×186]

I already knew it vaguely, but it was now clear.

A Heart was given when Kyle Jane Meinhardt became happy. And with that, I could buy something that might be helpful or that would help avoid a crisis.

For example, the <Demonic Beast Encyclopedia>.

That book will clearly contain the characteristics, hunting habits, weaknesses, and other information on the demonic beasts in the North. That must’ve been why it was added to the store just recently, right before the reconnaissance.

As if to confirm my thoughts, the system window quietly floated up.

[Please replace bad moments with happy moments, and overcome dangerous situations!]

[Happiness is said to be another name for miracles. (๑˘ꇴ˘๑)]

Alright, I understand. I’ll do my best.

I showcased to Kyle how to use the small crochet hook.

During a volunteer work in the past, I learned to crochet wash scrubs. At the time, I thought it was one of the most useless thing to learn but now I’m using it here. As expected, who knows how life would turn up in the future.

“I’ll teach you more in detail next time…… this is basically how you do it. Your Highness is new to this, so I prepared everything carefully just for you.”

“Hm.”

“Since we have to go now, take a quick look and come back to it later. Rather than that strawberry thing, let’s start with simple clothes and try various other designs. Like sweaters and pants.”

“I worry it might not feel comfortable wearing clothes.”

I can put up with it once or twice.

“It should be fine if you don’t try to force it to wear them.”

He went silent momentarily. It seemed to be that he was imagining something in his head.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×195]

……Crazy.

Aren’t you imagining things a little too hard? Just what exactly is going on in your mind right now?……No, never mind. Let’s not be curious about that. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

“Though I suppose it will be quiet for a while?”

I walked down the stairs, matching his pace. Kyle nodded, realizing I was talking about Belial.

“That’s right. There hasn’t been any big news so it should be quiet for at most a year, at least three months.

“You talk about it as if it’s some kind of annual event.”

“Well, it’s not any different.”

Kyle wrapped his arms around my shoulders to prevent me from being pushed around by the other knights.

It was comfortable to be honest. It felt like I was had some kind of special privilege. That being said, it didn’t make me feel happy in particular since I would have to return this favor eventually. Whether it would be a miracle, or happiness, by any means.

“He does not like me. His hate is similar to how I resent his bloodline. However, it didn’t feel as if he would try to get rid of me.”

He would be happy to put Kyle under his feet, but he wouldn’t try to kill him.

The reason was obvious. I bit my lower lips out of annoyance.

“He doesn’t want to manage the North. Well, not that he would be doing it directly with his own hands anyway.”

“That’s right.”

So, he would be keeping Kyle alive as a guard? I can’t deny it does look like that right now.

“Come this way.”

Kyle picked me up and put me on top of a black horse. It felt a little uncomfortable seeing that the current horse was taller than the one I rode yesterday.

I held the reigns awkwardly and looked down at Kyle. Seeing his face from above made him look slightly different than usual.

He mounted the horse in a familiar manner and also held the reigns from behind me. When his chest touched my back, I felt strangely stable.

“Lean on me.”

Kyle spoke bluntly. I naturally leaned on him as he placed both arms around from my back.

To be honest, it felt a little cozy. Our body size wasn’t too different and his solid chest was quite comfortable to lean on.

“You don’t seem to be nervous at all.”

“If we stay here talking, we’d only waste time and energy.”

“You’re right.”

Kyle took the lead and moved forward with the knights lined up behind him. Clip-clop. As the dust rose and the horses started to walk in unison, I felt the ground underneath shaking.

“About Cashew.”

I hesitantly opened my mouth.

To be honest, I’m not confident that I could make someone happy. Even trying to be happy myself was a struggle, how hard would it be to take care of others?

“Why do you like it so much? It’s just a small demonic beast. Nobody thought you’d even take it in as a pet. You brought in magicians, veterinarians, and me too… it’s as if you cherish it a lot and I find that curious. I thought demonic beasts were to be slain or conquered at all costs in the North.”

I don’t know how to make you happy, but I want to listen to you and understand you.

“The people of Blake took over to reside in the North, but at the same time they coexist with the North. Humans are beings who conquer nature, but at the same time they are beings who belong to nature. Destruction is not the only thing they do.”

“Demonic beasts are a dangerous existence. One careless mistake and it could instantly snuff out a person’s life and trample on the foundation you built over the years. Cashew is no exception. If I deem that it will become dangerous to keep as a pet, it will be disposed of.”

Please don’t do that. There’s a person inside.

“However, I cannot kill it for a reason that has not yet happened yet.”

So I…… no, Cashew could’ve died?

“It was separated from its group, shaking helplessly and unable to even open its eyes. If I hadn’t picked it up then and there, it wouldn’t even have lasted an hour.”

“Did you pity it?”

“Yes. Is that strange?”

“No, well…….”

Is there anything to think strange about it? That was his choice and in the end, it was a good choice. Who would’ve thought that the ruler of the North would have such a humane side to him.

“I just want to say thank you.”

Kyle looked at me for a short moment in silence. It was a strange look, but also a look of happiness.

“Would Cashew think that way too?”

“Of course.”

“How could you be so sure?”

“Since…… I’m a demonic beast specialist?”

And your one and only pet hamster.

--------------------------------------------------------

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

[majestichyuk]

Second Try

Pairing :- Johnny x fem!reader

Summary:- All she wanted was a good first date, and the least the other party could have done so well, was be there. 

Genre:- fluff, kinda angsty, strangers to friends (can be something more if you use ur imagination ;) 

Wc :- 1.6k

WARNING ⚠️:- NONE

NOTES: - it may be a little cringy or rushed idk, but it probably is lol. This is my first fic so critique is always accepted, I can improve. Wanted to write something and this was the idea, something cute. Anyway, hope you like it. Don’t be afraid to interact. 🙂 LIKE, FOLLOW & REBLOG.

~~~~~~♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡~~~~~~

The light breeze blew against the rainy night, delicate drops of rain damping the side of my shoulder uncovered from the tiny umbrella. Nervousness is an understatement for how I'm feeling, I haven't been out as much and don’t put much energy into seeking a companion.

Today is different from my normal routine, other than going home from a long day of work to relax and prepare my dinner for the night I went into my closet and dug out all the repeated fits I’ve worn. Finally, I set my palm on a nicely wrapped box with a bow on it given to me by my mother who recently transitioned into an angel. She told me to wear it on a special occasion, the day I think will change my life, and today felt like that day.

I met the guy after my shift was done from work, he stopped me on my way home to ask for directions to a certain place. I don’t normally do this, but he felt like he could bring happiness to my dull life, we talked every day after that, but he wasn’t the best at conversations, he mostly talked about himself but It’s okay cause it’s better than being alone.

I don’t own a car yet, so I caught the bus on my way there. We agreed to meet at a peaceful little restaurant called ANL Cafe that recently opened. I've never been there so I was excited when he suggested it.

Wrapping the dainty jacket around me tightly I came out of the bus and walked towards the Cafe. The rain started to pour down a little more, so I quickened my step and eventually entered the warm environment. Shaking the water from out the umbrella I closed it and placed it in the provided bucket inside the cafe.

I saw an empty seat close to the window wall. I took my jacket off and placed it on the back of the seat. Before I sat, I looked around to see if I saw him but ended up with no luck.

“Maybe I came too early,” I said, a little unsure if that was the case. I checked my phone to look back at the conversation we had on the time we should meet here, and I was exactly on time.

I brushed it off and waited, there’s nothing wrong with being a few minutes late.

“Hello there, and welcome to ANL Cafe! What can I get for you today?” an overexcited employee greeted me with such enthusiasm, that I found it cute.

"Hi, I'm actually waiting on someone, but a glass of water would be nice," I assured him as I gave a polite smile, which he quickly returned.

"A glass of water, coming right up!" He winked at me with a cheeky smile and left to return a minute later with the glass in hand.

"Here you are, ANL's finest tapped water," he laughed at his joke, and I couldn't muster up the strength to not laugh as well.

"Thank You..." I looked at his name tag. "Jaemin?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, that is correct, is there anything else I could get for you?" Jaemin politely asked but I shook my head, so he bowed and walked away.

15 minutes passed and I still don't see any signs of him showing up after calling and messaging him a couple of times with no response. I wasn't overly excited about moving to the next stage of our relationship, but I assumed that If I gave it a try, I wouldn't regret it, but the more I sat here and thought about it the more disappointed I became with myself. 

There wasn't much of a spark between us, but I settled for it because he wasn't a bad guy, he was quite respectful and sweet but if I'm being honest, he's a 20% type of guy, a choice made in the moment, an open opportunity taken. 

Many would have gotten up and left after probably 10 minutes but after the half an hour mark hit, I decided to order my food and treat myself. I exchange words with Jaemin here and there, he's sweet and he also told me he's working for his older brother because he looks up to him and I thought that was quite admirable. 

After I paid for my meal, I left the cafe and surprisingly the rain was still falling. I took up my umbrella, put on my jacket, and headed back outside.

I found a nearby bus stand and the seat was shockingly dry. I sat down and waited for the bus to arrive. 

I see a figure at the corner of my eye as they sit beside me but not too close. I kept my head straight, not daring to look in their direction. 

"It's raining quite a lot, isn't it?" The gentleman beside me asked in such a soothing and deep tone.

"Yea...I guess" I replied quite uneased, wondering why he was trying to start a conversation with me.

I looked at my side to see he braced his head on the headrest, looking up at the bus stop roofing, with a hat and umbrella in his left and right hand. 

"Would be nice to be at home right now cuddled up in my bedsheet with this weather, you know?" He turned his head to look at me with a look in his eyes that had me more intrigued than I actually wanted to be.

"You're not wrong," I scoffed "I'd rather be there more than anything right now,".

"So why aren't you there?" He asked me and seemed more interested then as he turned his body towards me. 

"If you don't mind me asking, that is," he reassured me so that I wouldn't feel pressured, but I brushed it off.

"It's fine really, I was actually supposed to be on a date with a guy I have been talking to for 3 weeks now, but he stood me up, so I had my dinner and left," I laughed a little when I saw the concerned expression on his face.

"Don't pity me, I'm okay, really, I'm actually happy he didn't show up," I looked up at the bright stars peeking through the dark clouds of the rainy night. He did the same and relaxed in the seat.

Silence took over us as the windy breeze passed by.

"I'm Johnny by the way," he put his hand out for me to shake. 

I looked at him and realized how beautiful he was, I shook his hand and felt something between my fingers.

"I actually saw you at the cafe and you left this on the table" He chuckled lightly. I looked in my hand to see my bracelet that I had the habit of playing with and sometimes taking it off when I’m eating.

"And here I thought you wanted to be friends," I playfully pouted. 

"Well, I had to make sure you were worthy of receiving back such a valuable item," he said in a snarky tone. 

"So, you were going to steal my shit?!" I smacked his arm. "I would have definitely done some investigation work and jumped you if I saw you in the street," I smirk and place my bracelet back on my wrist.

"Oh?" Johnny opened his hand towards me. "Give me it back and let's see how good of a tracker you are," he said in a challenging manner inching his hands closer.

I thought about it reluctantly, I don't know why a decision like this has to have a second guess, the first obvious choice would be to laugh it off and decline but he's quite interesting and had a weird cozy aura around him. So, I placed the bracelet in his palm and looked him deep in the eyes and he held the gaze with such confidence.

I removed my hands and placed them to my side, resting them on the seat. Johnny put the bracelet on and chuckled lightly.

"I like this game," he pushed his hair back and placed his hat back on. "A game of cat and mouse?" he tilted his head towards you as he asked curiously.

"More or less, you make me want to step out of my comfort zone," I wiped my face with my handkerchief as the wind blew the rain toward me.

"So, you felt the connection too? well ever since you stepped into my Cafe, I was intrigued by you actually," He crossed his arm over his chest and as I looked towards him, I realized he was gently gazing at me awaiting my response, but I looked at him confused.

"You own ANL Cafe?" He laughed and nodded his head. "So, you're Jaemin's older brother I assume?".

"I guess you'd have to go to the cafe with me and find out over a better meal that's actually paid for," he said in a flirty tone that made me break into a smile.

I laughed and looked at the road to see a bus arriving and quickly stood up.

"Oh, what a shame, the damsel has to leave to return to her exciting life of wonderful joy, happiness, sunshine, and prosperity," I dramatically placed the back of my hand over my eyes. Johnny burst out in laughter at my unexpected action.

"Well, I guess this bracelet is your diamond slipper," he looked up at you with starry eyes. "I never caught your name," he stood up and gently touched my elbow.

"Maybe I'll tell you If we happen to see each other again," I looked up at him, he was tall and even more gorgeous up close as the moonlight shaped his features.

The bus stopped in front of us. "Next time, Johnny?" I asked, waiting for his reply before I stepped into the bus.

"2 is my lucky number, so I'll make sure our second meeting leads to me getting your name and giving you your bracelet back in exchange for a continuous friendship," Johnny smiled brightly as we waved goodbye.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

tumblr "deep friendship advice quotes" thoughts, 10 years later:

y'know i oft go all the way back in my draft posts, where i saved some of the popular deep ~friendship advice quotes~ back in the day (well, more like copied and pasted them, so that i coud use them on fb at a later date). but maybe. hm. maybe all those "don't chase people. let people come to you" or whatever the fuck posts i saved at like 18 to 22, mostly.... and actually did post on fb at some points in time, when i was younger.... really did ruin my self-esteem and ability to make friends or date people when i was younger.

yeah. they are good quotes, don't get me wrong. but like. they're made for a slightly older audience, really. like people in their late 20s- ie like me right now actually lmao. who have a bit more self assurance (although this is the internet. so maybe not. who knows) and judgement skills. as opposed to a lonely 18-22 year old who got caught up in the memes around fuckbois and losing friends at the speed of light in their 20s.... so, then you might as well cut out all strangers anyway. bc apparently everyone is "wasting your time" if they don't come to you, and you "don't wait up for those around you" and whatever utter bullshit i've got saved there in my drafts.

i get that some of the sentiment is that "you're marching to your own drum" and shit like that, that i ALWAYS got when i was in high school.... and posts in my early 20s on fb..... when someone would do one of those dumb asf "like and i'll tell you what what i like about you" statuses in like 2016..... so people would remember that they existed. but on the other hand, trying to cut out everyone for the weird stance that they're "wasting your time" and "NEVER chase people. wait for them to come back to you. those who care will always come back. they're the real people to fuck with. they give you the real universe vibrations" or w/e the fuck.... really did make me friendless in my 20s.

the above probably made my anxiety about having barely any friends, other than my primary school besties, and a couple of high school besites from public school, that i still talked to semi regularly.... worse... all bc i was also obsessed with the "keep your circle small. they're the ones who care deeply about you and give the energy when needed" or whatever the fuck. how the fuck will i know how to keep my circle small????? when like, yeah i've kept those 5 friends... which is cool... but when they're not available (i obvs give them space lol) or they move away etc.... who the fuck else do i turn to, when i believe EVERYONE ELSE is wasting my time... all bc they NEVER talk to me????

obvs people did try to talk to me in a way, when i wished them happy birthday, or when they seldom wished me happy birthday on fb.... but i always left those conversations at that precursory "how are things? i hope you're doing well!" from them, and a like on their post. bc it'd been so long since i'd talked to those people (say some of the girls from catholic school drama class in like 2017 bc i'd run into them at uni once or twice or while they were at work once.... or even Rich Boy™️ from the same school in like 2016- i hadnt spoken to him in 3 years, and it felt weird. like what the fuck do i say??)... but since they only did that nicety of wishing me happy birthday or vice versa that one year, i never bothered inboxing them bc.... again. they're wasting my time and they're "fair weather friends" bc they don't talk to me except once every 3 years or whatever.

"CUT THEM OUT bc the universe says they're not for you. they give you the LOW VIBRATIONS in your spirit" those posts advise. like honestly. i couldn't keep up with those people from catholic school anyway. bc they're the ones who bought houses in their 20s and some of them do expensive ski trips to europe or japan or america or canada (or do our summer abroad in the peak snow season in those countries working at the snow fields); or just generally here in winter in australia. i can't afford that. one of them proposed to their partner in fucking fiji. i could NEVER afford that, if that were me. or lived abroad for a year and a half in thailand and vietnam bc of their family's charity. something, again, that i COULD NEVER AFFORD. but again. i digress. but according to these posts, i cut them out (partially) bc the universe said that they're not for me, so therefore they're a waste of my time. and that also means that i shouldn't chase them or hit them up, ever. bc what if i end up chasing them anyway???? like yeah. it HAD NOTHING TO DO with the so-called "low vibrations in spirit" that those dumb posts espouse.

not only did this make me friendless, it made me unable to learn the lessons of shitty friendships in my 20s. all bc i believed everyone was either secretly, or VERY OBVIOUSLY wasting my time.... but how was i to know that.... when i never befriended jessica or dean or bella and hayden from my uni classes?? and ok, some of it did actually come from my shitty group at uni, who couldn't fathom why i picked philosophy over history and shit like that. but the thing was, i was so desperate to have any (semblance of) friends.... that i clung to that group out of sheer mortification, terror, and anxiety. despite that, i barely ever ended up in the same classes with them.

however, the girl who fashioned herself as the leader, always seemed to tell me that "you are too highly strung for law" whenever i expressed interest in doing law 101. she would openly mock my handwriting as "looking like a 5 year old's" whenever she could (including when i signed up for her history and archaeology club ans she manned the booth for it, and told me VERY DELIBERATELY to "pLeAsE pRiNt nEatLy *insert my name here*- turning to the guy next to her- see jordan, i told you she writes like a toddler")..... like this group was VERY obviously wasting my time.

but i didnt care, just as long as i had someone to eat thai food with every once in while. as long as i could turn up to engl336 social justice in kids lit, and sit with them and have my very seldom coordinated tute with them too. all despite *alex* (not her real name) constantly speaking to me like my year 7 (2008) geography and year 9 (2010) commerce teacher from catholic school, who would do this shit in front of the 25 kids of both those classes, who i L O A T H E D (and still do to this day tbh. the same guy also fyi.). but i didn't care, as long as i could have a subway and share a cookie with her once a week. uni is hell. and we're in it..... together??? i guess???

but yeah. my point is that, observing my saved copied and pasted drafts of all those typical like "friendship advice" quotes of "don't chase people. let people come to you" or "keep your circle small. they're the ones who care deeply about you and give the energy when needed" et al.... and all the sentiments and memes about people "wasting your time", really fucked up my social skills and friend making skills in my late teens and early 20s. bc they kinda almost gave me a reason to brush off EVERY interaction with other people- be it dating to just making friends or trying to keep old friend ties around (which i didn't/couldn't really do) as "time wasting" and "low vibrations of the universe" and whatever other fucking garbage.

i think younger gen z and the generations after them, need to be wary of this advice when they're young. because it's aimed at older people. who probably have better social skills and thinking skills etc, to ACTUALLY weed out people who waste time and energy... rather than an 18 to 22 year old who is just starting out in life... who is so paranoid about being friendless and single (relationships wise).... that they, in turn, make themselves these two things anyway..... bc for some reason they're also conversely terrified that everyone is either secretly or very obviously wasting their time......

when honey. you're wasting your own goddamned motherfucking time worrying about "they give me low spiritual and universal vibrations. so snippity-snip ✂️" (when like. what the actual FUCK does this even mean, for goddamned starters???) for some fucking reason... also, "not chasing people" and having such a minute circle of friends, that like.... when EVERYTHING goes to shit (ie 2020 pandemic and ALSO my health troubles in late 2020 and 2021), and they're suddenly NOT there or CAN'T be there, who else do you have to turn to (not counting family)???? or in general, if you need to to vent about someone you know, who else do you have when you're buried so deep the mindset about "never chase people, let them come to you" and again, the spiritual vibration tribe bullshit???

these posts are made for people in their late 20s and 30s. not your late teens and early to mid 20s, when you're actually meant to learn this shit. you're wasting your time talking about "the vibrations of the universe" whatever the fuck that means. you're not manifesting any-fucking-thing. get the fuck out of the house (maybe drop the hash brownies or shrooms too, every once in a while, if that's your thing) and ACTUALLY TALK TO PEOPLE. maybe message people from old groups or something, and see if they wanna hang or get a coffee or something. don't cut SO MANY people out of your life so swiftly because the memes say "wait for your tribe and high solar plexus and third eye vibrations for your complex mercury retrograde libra in the 10th house scorpio self"... maybe learn to chase people (and then don't); so you learn from your mistakes.

don't waste away on the depths of the internet- ranging from twitter (oh wait. sorry. X) to discord groups or reddit to this here hellsite. go and experience life, instead of letting your lack of social skills rot your brain away because you, "don't cut ties" instantly bc someone is "wasting your time".... bc again it bleeds into those small talk memes asking someone's fave coffee and you haven't instantly bypassed into "deep conversations about wasted opportunities and vibes with my fave 5 high spirit tribe girlies".

because the only way you'll find those people, is by actually talking to people and teaching yourself the lesson. that, for example, ben is wasting your time bc he never follows through on shit. or he was an absolute bum in your relationship.... bc he used all your money for weed and refused to pay rent bc apparently his NFTs count as rent. that francine is an absolute cow, bc she thinks it's great that she CAN NEVER let people have their say and settle in an argument bc of *insert excuse here*.... or that she's one only person in the world that has EVER SUFFERED EVER legitimately. and this is why it's healthier to cut both of these people out of your life, if you can't reach a compromise.

anyway, my point is, instead of desperately trying to "will into existence/manifest your tribe of high spiritual people" from shrooms_and_liquor_wisdom_thoughts-xoxo-761 or "shower thoughts" or "high vibe society" and whatever dumb asf title pages/groups/chatrooms on any of these sites.... that you'll magically have this fictional tribe of "high vibe people" by ironically NEVER interacting with people and having to learn life lessons the hard way, by ACTUALLY experiencing them.... you've got to literally go out and practice this shit..

younger generations need to learn that most of these sentiment posts are for an older audience.... not a teenager or early 20 something WHO NEEDS to learn these lessons.... but they use them as an excuse not to. go learn to chase people from time to time, even if it is a bad idea. you're young enough to do that shit. you are not wasting time learning these lessons. take it form me, from someone who took them too literally and was proud that she only spoke to 5 people. now im in my late 20s.... and am nearly 30, i realise what a fucked up error this was. (also, i don't condone purposely throwing yourself into unhealthy or toxic relationships or situations, just for the sake of learning these lessons, btw.... but that's a whole other post).

[vintageandroid]

I wrote this as a comment somewhere, and I wanted to share it here. The discussion was about door-holding etiquette and "chivalry" and stuff, and it reminded me of college...

So, from 2006-2010 I went to an extremely conservative Christian university (if you know me now, feel free to laugh for a while) and I…didn’t fit in especially well even before I left that religion, being a budding feminist, gay ally (…and closeted gay person but never mind), and so on. Even once I realized it wasn’t the place for me, I’d invested a lot of non-transferable credits and wound up sticking it out.

So, because of the super Christian environment, the expectation that everyone was looking for a future spouse, and several other super weird factors, there was a definite culture of Men Always Open Doors For Women. 20-year-old guys would very nearly shove a woman out of the way rather than allow her to so much as touch a doorknob with her delicate feminine hands. I was perceived as a woman at the time, and so if there were men around, doors would be opened upon my approach, and for the most part I just rolled with it because they were usually there first anyway.

One time, probably junior year when I was well and thoroughly sick of everything, I reached the door first, and opened it, because it turns out that people assigned female at birth can actually grasp a door handle and pull open a door without suffering spontaneous uterine prolapse. And since it was a cold day and there were a few people behind me, I held the door.

However, these people behind me…were men. And they couldn’t just let a woman hold the door for them! It’s one thing if they sort of failed and this woman-shaped individual went through by herself, but they couldn’t go through a door that was being actively held open by a fragile female limb, could they? Their marriage prospects would be in shambles! Jesus would seek them out specifically to give them disapproving looks! They’d be emasculated! They might as well start voting Democrat at that point! But they also couldn’t reach past me and grab the door, because then their arm might brush against mine through our coats and in early 2000s purity culture, that’s basically third base and you can’t do that unless you’re married, or at least have gone to Bible Study together.

So…we stand there. I hold the door. They stare at me. Minnesotan winter breathes through the foyer to the academic building we’re all trying to enter. My roommate, who has already gone through the door without mishap and is waiting for me, is trying very hard not to laugh. This is an actual stand-off.

“Go ahead,” I say, in case they just don’t realize, somehow, that the door is open and they may walk through it at any point.

They just stand there. Time ticks by. Empires rise and fall. I’m freezing. The door is actually getting heavy by now, which is probably less because of my helpless “feminine” anatomy and more because I’m a 20-year-old LiveJournal-obsessed nerd who doesn’t exercise, and also because this building is from the 1920s and the doors are solid as hell and I’ve been holding it anywhere between five seconds and seven years.

Finally, I cave. Sort of. “Fine,” I say, and walk through the door. And I let the heavy door fall closed behind me, in their faces.

The world lets out the breath it’s been holding. I catch up to my roommate, and we continue with our day.

[why-are-all-the-users-taken]

hoo but their peculiars

IRBDNSN NOT ME COMBINING TWO OF MY FAVORITE FANDOMS

Basically what this is is if the characters in heroes of Olympus were in miss peregrine's home for peculiar children mk

Ok headcanons time bc it's 10pm smth and I wanna stay up late tonight

Percy Jackson

Ok so his peculiarity would obviously be controling any kind of liquid no surprise there

But like,,, do u know how helpful that would have been beginning of Hollow City??? Like??? They probably wouldn't have tipped over or at least percy could get and dry their stuff!!

Alright so backstory for him

He lived with his mom (sally) and step dad (Gabe) . His biological father left when he was rlly young and then his mom married his step dad.

So anyways percy learns abt his abilities rlly early on and Gabe thinks he's a demon or smth idk

Ofc sally doesn't, she loves her percy, but yk Gabe is Gabe and so she's forced to give him away.

And she ends up giving percy (who's like 9-11 at the time) to this lady who stopped by where they live one day and who said she takes care of kids like percy

So Sally obviously not wanting her son to get abused more by gabe allows her to take percy (spoilers, she never sees him again ;-;)

But anyways, percy is like one of the first children miss peregrine found so he had time to grow up some before they had to make the loop

On to how he gets along with the others

Olive and Claire love just abt everyone so ofc they love him like a brother as well <3

Bronwyn is vERY protective of him bc she, victor percy and Emma were the first ones that miss peregrine found (idk who she found first it just seems like they're a lil closer to miss P than some of the others)

Enoch and him don't rlly talk to much but they're nice to each other when they do talk

Emma and Percy are actually rlly good friends!! (Theyre part of the gossip gang)

Fiona and percy are pretty good friends actually!! Bc plants need water and percy controls water yk

him aand Abe were friends

He was suspicious of Jacob at first but for used to him and they're pretty good friends

Hugh and percy are both so chaotic I'd be surprised if they weren't friends lmao

But anyways percy probably had a crush on Victor at some point (he's still rlly sad victor died)

Yes that one was based off the fact that percy def had a crush on Charlie

Perch is still bisexual 100%

Ok that's all for percy that I can think of

im just gonna do percy for now bc I can't think for more for the others and this is already hella long

Edit: wait shit this already has 20 likes um- so I'm prolly gonna do the others then- I had fun with this tho so I don't mind :D

[silver138]

Perfectly Flawed - Chapter 3

word count - 1.4k

warnings - cursing, bad flirting attempt?

Summary: Lina (tries) to flirt.

Waking up before my alarm for a change, I get out of bed take a shower, and dress. After putting on my makeup and straightening my hair, I grab the first two books of The Dresden Files and toss them into my bag. "You're up early. You that excited for work, Lina?" I turn and see Val in the doorway to her room, yawning and scratching her head. I just shrug and smile at her. "If you give me, like, 20 minutes, I can take you to work today..." she starts, turning around to walk back into her room.

"Ah, no, that's ok! I-I don't mind taking the metro! It-it's...kinda nice..." I say quickly. She stops and turns around, walking towards me with a smirk on her face.

"OK, spill it, who is he?" she says, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I-I don't know what you mean, Vallie. Can't I just be in a good mood...and-and want to take public transportation? OK, yeah, that sounded lame, even to me..." I mutter.

She raises her eyebrows and says, "Well, I'm glad you realize what you said was bullshit. Anyway, the guy?"

"I-I...why do you think I like someone? Isn't it possible I've just made a bunch of friends, and that's why I'm excited?" I offer.

She snorts and says, "While I know you're a fuckin' ray of sunshine, this is exactly how you act every time you get a crush. You did it with Carl, you did it with Jim..."

"And they weren't interested and became my friends, so..." I counter.

"Uh-huh. Sure. Well, who's the new 'friend', then?" she says.

I sigh and say, "Spencer Reid. Um, Doctor Spencer Reid."

She walks over and nudges my shoulder with hers, "Hey, hey, a doctor, huh? ...Wait, a doctor works with the feds?" she asks.

I nod, saying "Yeah, he's got, like, 3 PhDs. I'm not sure in what yet, I could probably ask him when I see him..."

She raises her eyebrows and nudges me again. "So, what does this Doctor Spencer Reid look like? He cute?" she says, walking back to the counter.

I give a shy smile and say, "I-um, yeah, I think so, at least. Definitely my type..."

Val nods and says with a smile, "Ah, gotcha. Scrawny and tall."

I huff and say, "I wouldn't say scrawny. Slender, maybe..."

Val hums and says, "Mmm, well, if I know you, you're off to buy something for breakfast, getting two so you can say they 'accidentally' gave you an extra one and offering it to him. Oh, or are you lending him something to borrow?"

I open my mouth to protest, but she just gives me a look, and I look down as I put my shoes on and say, "Um, both. I'm also lending him books to read."

"Wow, going in with both barrels, you are smitten, huh Lina?" she drawls.

I look up and shrug at her. As I grab my bag and coat, she turns to go into the bathroom and says over her shoulder, "OK then. Have fun and be careful, Lina. And good luck with your doctor," I snort and head out the door, making my way to the closest place I can get what I need for my flirting tactic, which would be a Starbucks. After getting two chocolate chip muffins and a small mocha, I make my way to the metro, hoping I didn't miss Spencer.

Luck must have been on my side that day because as the metro pulls up and I board, I see Spencer sitting and he waves at me. I smile and sit near him, saying, "Heya Doc- Spencer. How're you this morning?"

He shrugs and says, "I-I'm fine, how are you?"

I reply, "Oh, I'm ok. I brought the books, too. Do you know for sure you'll have enough time to read them?"

He gives a small smile and says, "As long as we don't get called in for a case, yeah. We mainly do paperwork in between cases."

"Doesn't that get boring, though?" I ask.

"Believe me, after working on cases, paperwork is a welcome drudgery," he says.

I give a slight nod and continue. "Do you type it up, or have to write it out by hand?"

"Um, I mean, both, technically. While they've been trying to get everything backed up digitally, we can still write it by hand if it's one we've recently finished. I'd rather do it by hand, honestly. I can write faster than I can type." Spencer says.

"I can understand that. I prefer typing, but that's mainly because when I type, other people can actually understand what I'm trying to write!" I joke with a small laugh.

Spencer gives me a small smile and says, "Studies have shown that having messy handwriting can be an indication of higher intelligence, that you're thinking so much and so fast that your hand can't keep up."

I smile and say, "Huh, that makes me feel a bit better about my chicken scratch. Thanks, Spencer."

He flushes and gives me a warm smile. "Y-you're welcome. Um, this is our stop, we should get going."

Exiting the train, we make our way into the BAU building. As we step onto the elevator, I bite my lip and think, OK, let's see if it works this time... I open up the bag with the muffins and look inside. "Huh, they gave me two by accident. Hey, would you like this extra muffin? It's chocolate chip." I say, holding out the muffin toward him.

He looks at me and says, "A-are you sure?"

I nod and say, "Yup!" He gives me a small smile and takes the muffin from me.

"Thank you," he says quietly.

Giant smile on my face, I look down and say, "You're welcome, Spencer." YES, it actually worked! The elevator opens up to our floor, and we walk into the bullpen.

Spencer looks around, saying, "It looks like Garcia isn't here yet, d-did you want to sit at my desk and wait for her?"

"I-yeah, I'll sit with you and wait, if that's cool. I can give you the books, too." I say as calmly as I can while trying to cover up my giddiness. We walk over to his desk and he pulls up a spare chair to sit in while motioning for me to sit in his chair.

As I sit down, I pull out the books I've brought and place them on his desk. Looking at Spencer, I ask him, "OK, so, you can read really fast. But can you remember it all?"

He nods and says, "Yes, I remember everything I've ever read."

"Really? Everything? Is it ok if I test that by asking you questions about the books when you're done, right? For science?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows slightly.

He chuckles and says, "I think I can do that. For science."

"So, um, do I-do I just...come by your desk at lunch, or..." I start, trying and failing to not sound awkward.

"I-y-yeah, I don't think it'll be a problem if we take our lunch at the same time," he says. Hearing footsteps, we both turn to see Penelope walk over, folders in her hands.

"Hey, Lina. You keeping our Boy Genius company?" she says, a sly smile on her face.

Flushing slightly, I ask, "That's ok, right? Like, I'm allowed?"

Giving a gentler smile, she says, "Yeah, that's fine, as long as there's downtime. However, I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me now, today I'm going to show you what we do when there's not a case."

"See you at lunch?" I say to Spencer, who gives me a small smile and says, "Yeah, I-I'll see you then, Lina." Grinning, I stand up and Penelope and I walk together.

"So," she starts, a Cheshire Cat grin on her face. "How was your morning, Lina?"

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Story Masterlist

[jihyoruri]

me when it’s time for the yearly anon confession potluck and I have to admit that to me… wowyn.. is just.. 🙂. I think she is a little toxic and the wonyn situation takes me out so bad like it’s genuinely the funniest thing to me EVER. like I can not explain why but the wonyoung is like eh ik u like me but I don’t rlly wanna deal with that so! uhm!.. anyway! and wowyn just… listens tew her😭😭like ur telling me wowyn breaks up w girls If wonyoung doesn’t like them LMFAOO😭

idk for some reason wowyn to me is more of a loser than loseryn not even in a mean way just.. I don’t know I feel like if I met her fr I’d be like.. ur such a sad person…

moving past this… who is your favorite yn? we all know mine…

(1. shamelessyn 2. richgirl yn 3. aespayn/firecrackeryn)

i may not be the president of the aespayn or richgirlyn fanclub but I’m actually both of their therapists btw. yeah Ik you guys don’t know but my side gig is actually fixing them. yeah no aespayn is in the trenches… it’s bad in these streets. (I love richgirlyn almost the same amount as shamelessyn I’m a cheater sorry)

also side note I am sat for anything u write but I hope you continue to explore richgirlyn’s dynamic with chaewon and the other members.. idk maybe it’s bc I grew up with a lot of money but the way ppl w wealth act has always been so.. weird tew me. like I know these r just sillay yn works but I feel like people who write rich characters forget like.. these r the most emotionally stunted people on earth. they never learned to socialize or explain their emotions 😭dealing w rich people is insane because no one talks abt anything or knows how to interact with regular people like they have such hard times w it for some reason?? (because they never had to)

ANYWAY sorry for the long ask 😞I hope we get some aespayn fans out here for 4/20 SHOW SUPPORT FOR UR GIRL😭😭

-🎏

LOL babes imma have to correct you on some things. 😭

it’s not that wony is like “eh ik u like me but I don’t rlly wanna deal with that so! uhm!.. anyway!” she’s genuinely playing hard to get with yn, she feels like yn will always wait for her so she just doesn’t want to get into a relationship just as yet, I think I’ve mentioned it in early asks but wonyoung is playing hard to get with yn😭. wonyn is really a sad situation when you think about it because they’d be really good for each other but they’re not on the same page at all like wow!yn doesn’t think wonyoung likes her even tho wony does hold some feelings for her but she’s waiting it out but realizing that her time is running out. The only reason why wow!yn breaks up with people sometimes if wony doesn’t like them because wonyoung is genuinely her best friend if Giselle didn’t like one of yn’s gfs yn would probably break up with them as well, it’s so easy for her do that because she was just bored like she wasn’t in the relationship for real feelings if she acc had real feelings for the person it would be a different story take winter for example BOTH wonyoung and yujin didn’t like her and yn knew that but yn didn’t break up with her because she genuinely liked her but then she realized that she genuinely liked her so she broke up with her LMAOOOOOO. I wouldn’t call wow!yn a loser because she genuinely has problems, she has some mental instability. like her problems with her dad has definitely affected how she thinks about things and butchers how her mind functions in certain situations, she is a sad person tho. ANYWAYS moving on from wow!yn

my favourite yn and wow!yn and nwjns!yn THE SISTERS honestly I love wow!yn because she’s my most complex yn and honestly she’s just such a shit head and it’s so fun and amusing writing her and nwjns!yn is just a sweet mess like when I finally introduced her fic you guys will see what I mean, she’s the exact opposite of her sister 😭 (also a respectful mention of aespa!yn)

LOL they both need therapists for real so you got the job‼️ aespa!yn is a mess she’s a rich mess (I just took in that you like the two extremely rich yn’s LOL also firecracker!yn is always on someone’s favourite list and it always makes me laugh LMAOOO)

yes I am totally gonna explore richgirl!yn more, I tried my best to give a small peak into richgirl!yn having some problems I was so happy when you picked up on it in ur last ask for her

I honestly love long asks so much so this was fun to read LOL and thank you so much for reading and enjoying my works

[kuhakukage]

Fuck, marry, kill. But describe how you would do each one and why. Choose three characters from Naruto. Three from Death Note. And another three from a fandom of your choosing.

Naruto:

Fuck: Naruko, Naruto's sexy-no-jutsu form. Because I wanted to see him squirmed under my embrace. I wanted to see him being unlike his usual confident self, I wanted to make him cry. I would make him scream out my name. I wanted him to watch as violated him and cannot do anything under the paralysis seal I slapped on him.

Marry: Rin Nohara. She seemed to be a kind person and would work well with children. I feel like she's the type who put other people before herself with how she decided to act in the manga. So much so that she's willing to pay the ultimate price of her life. I have no opinion on marriage ceremony so I'll chose base on what she would choose. Though, personally, I just wanted to elope with her.

Kill: If I could kill off permanently, Orochimaru for his disgustingly long list of crimes against humanity. I would create a Limited Tsukuyomi Jutsu where the worst thing he could think of would happen and cast it on him. Afterwards, I would seal off his regeneration technique, take away all his limbs, and buried him alive while stuck with a seal that sucked chakra and wait for him to die off chakra. exhaustion. Otherwise, I would choose Hiashi, for not doing anything to change the hyuga, but rather enable it. He chose to torture his brother after assuming he has killing intent toward his daughter. DID HE THINK THAT BEING FORCED TO SERVE SOMEONE AND DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT SAW YOU AS LESSER WOULD BE FUN? I would brand him with the caged-bird curse seal and use it to cause him so much pain and make him beg for mercy. I would do this until he become a vegetable after that lifetime of pain and kill him by feeding him to pigs.

Death Note:

Fuck: Halle Lidner. She's hot and blonde, so basically my fetish. She seemed like a dom, so I want to dom her. I wanted to see her defiant face as I bound her to the bed, I want to make her insult me yet can only watch as I violated her. I wanted humiliate her until she become exhausted from her effort of resisting.

Marry: Naomi Misora, I LOVE HER. SHE IS SO INTELLIGENT AND COMPETENT. I HATE THAT SHE HAS TO GO BEFORE MEETING L OTHERWISE LIGHT WOULD HAVE BEEN CAUGHT EXTREMELY EARLY. I ALSO LOVE HER IN THE BB'S CASE. Anyways, as I have said before I have no opinion on marriage ceremony and would go along her whim, which is most likely a normal wedding.

Kill: Hitoshi Demegawa. This trash is a sleazy, greedy and arrogant little pig. It decided to scam its viewers out of their money, setting up a fake cult to worship Kira and demanding donations starting at the million-yen mark. I would dropped a mountain of cash so heavy it would be crushed.

Detective Conan:

Fuck: Vermouth AKA Sharon Vineyard. Oh god, she's so hot that if I die after fucking her, I would still do it. I don't even mind if she dom me. IN FACT, I welcome it. I do wish for her to be gentle though. I liked how intelligent, insightful and bold she is. I also like how cruel she is yet also how she developed a conscience after being saved by Ran and Shinichi.

Marry: Miyano Shiho. I would love to be with her for the rest of my life. I really don't care how bossy and demanding she is. I love how serious and intelligent she is. She's also so pretty and old style. I wish to relax her attitude a bit after getting into a relationship with her. I don't think much of marriage ceremony and would do what she want. I would probably suggested a grand ceremony just because of how much I liked her.

Kill: Misao Yamamura because he's dumb, but thinks he's smart, and has no personality. To quote Conan, "poor Gunma Perfecture." One of the most irritating things he does is in Movie 20 when all the detectives are trying to be sneaky, and this bitch just tripped and announced to the guy that he's a police, taking advantage of getting a hostage to protect himself. What kind of police does that? He thinks that he's smart even though the children are smarter than him sometimes. Even though he's a detective, he messes up a lot and misses really obvious clues. Plus, he's scared of everything, like blood and dead bodies, and he's superstitious, believing in curses and ghosts. He even ditches his job to grab lunch instead of doing what he's supposed to. And when it comes to Gunma, he's pretty clueless about it, needing locals to correct him on stuff despite being based in it. I don't know how I could choose a single method when I'm so tired of this guy. Honestly, I just wanted to push him off a skyscraper and not look back.