#well actually it’s mainly because my phones broken and it’s stressing me out cause the battery goes down really fast

[spaceagebachelormann]

. everyone ignore this i just need to scream at myslef in the tags for a sec

probably gonna delete later

[cuddlesslut]

Part Five: Friends

Atsumu x fem reader, Suna x fem reader , Hinata x fem reader

A/N: ahh this took me so long to write sorry guys! Been having a tough few days. But we are back in the game. So This chapter is mainly the relationship between Hinata and YN! I love Hinata so much im actually thinking about making another series with him after this one is done. Let me know if y’all would be interested. I decided to put a little NSFW scene in but there is a warning.

Warnings: Angst, some fluff, Smut. And more Angst.

Part Four: Chance Encounters

Part Six: Promises

The night you spent with Hinata is no less than amazing. You don’t remember passing out, but your eyes open from your groggy sleep. It takes you a moment to register that this is not your room. Your eyes widened realizing you had stayed the night which was not something you’d had planned on. You take in your surroundings Hinata lays behind you and arm draped over your waist. Your heart speeds up as you understand how close he is to you, his face nuzzled close to your neck. You could feel his light snores. Oh my goodness! You screamed in your head IM IN A MANS BED! AND HES CUDDLING ME! You had never slept with anyone other than Atsumu let alone cuddled. So this was a lot to process. The hardest thing to understand was why it felt so nice in his arms. You quickly shook that thought out of you mind, you probably were just touched starved you rationalized. That’s why you lie to yourself when his grip on your waist tightens and he pulls you closer to his chest, saying it doesn’t make your heart flutter your just nervous.

“Good morning,” he smiles his voice gruff from sleep. “What time is it,” he questions seeing that you had already been awake for a moment.

“I’m not sure,” you admitt rubbing your head, a twinge of pain zinging threw you. You were slightly startled when he leaned over your body reaching for his phone on the nightstand. A heat creeped onto your cheeks at the proximity of your naked bodies only a sheet separating him from your sight. Although the tenderness between your legs showed that you two had been plenty close the prior night. Thinking of some the activities that transpired last night caused more embarrassment to consume you. You did things with this complete stranger that had taken you forever to work yourself up to with Tsumu. You body was sore from the multiple rounds the ginger had put you through, his stamina was insane, although you couldn’t complain he aimed to please. He laid back down in his spot next to you checking his phone.

“It’s about to be 9:30, he yawns rubbing the sleep from his warm chestnut eyes. You peek over at him getting a better look of his physique in the daylight. Your eyes widened because damn was he hot. He laid on his side propped up on one elbow as he stared at the screen of his device. Your eyes trailed down his exposed chest and abdomen his defined abs and pecks on full display for you. As you look farther down the blanket falls carelessly over his lap one leg peeking out. You raised an eyebrow at the little peek of a tan line you could see. You were broke from you trance as he asks you a question.

“You wanna go get some breakfast?,” your eyes widened “ I’d offer to cook but my fridge is still pretty empty and plus my cooking sucks I’d hate to make you suffer through that,” he chuckled. It was too much this is supposed to be just sex, and breakfast sounds to much like a date, too domestic. You sit up quickly holding the sheet to your chest.

“Ah no I can’t, i-I uhhh need to go,” you stammered looking around the room for your clothes.

“Hey, hey it’s fine,” he try’s to calm you seeing how anxious you are. “you stay right here I’ll go grab your clothes and let you get changed,” he said standing pulling a pair of boxers on. You nodded and steadied your breathing as he went to gather your outfit from last night.

“There you go that should be everything,” he laid the pile on the bed next to you, “uhh sorry about your underwear,” he smiled nervously reaching his hand up to rub the back of his neck. You looked down at the pair of torn lace panties siting at the top of the pile.

You returned an embarrassed smile, “it’s okay,” you assure him.

“Well I’ll be in the kitchen making some coffee, uh the restroom is right out the door to the left if you need it, uhh take your time,” he said excusing himself to give you some privacy.

You take a moment to breath before you start to dress yourself. It felt a little strange to not have on underwear but you guess it’s a small price to pay for the pleasure you felt last night. You won’t lie you definitely needed that stress relief. You quickly finished putting yourself together before exiting the room seeing Hinata standing there at the counter full of confidence for being in only boxers with coffee mug in hand you notice his smile that never seems to stray far from his face just as present.

“Would you like a cup,” he asked gesturing to the still half full pot of coffee.

You smile politely smile before shaking your head no. “Uh I need to get going I have class today, but ..” you trail off trying to figure out how to word what needs to come next. “umm look thank for the offer for breakfast and you know for last night,” he breaks into a big smirk at the mention of last night’s activities. “ but I’m not looking for a relationship so it’s probably best we leave it off here,” still smiling, yet not as big as before, he nods. You breath a sigh of relief.

“No worries I get it.”

“Well in that case, goodbye Shoyo, see ya,” you gave a small wave before exiting his apartment.

Hopefully, Hinata thinks to himself wanting to in deed see you again.

As much as you swore it was a one time occurrence you kept finding yourself back in Shoyo's bed. It was always the same you’d head to your bar, sit in your usual spot, order your usual drink and before long you’d see the orange haired man take his seat next to you. The first time you saw him after your lust filled night together was rather awkward. You were surprised when he sat to you and struck up a conversation like you hadn’t had a one night stand just last week. But the chatting was always so easy going you honestly didn’t mind having him around. Plus with him there less men were trying to chat you up. That second time you met him you told yourself you’d keep your pants on but a couple drinks and several laughs later you’d find yourself in his bed with the ginger in between your legs. You could never find it in yourself to be angry at yourself afterwards ,And while this started happening more frequently it was rare you’d stay the night like that first time. Usually getting an Uber home after getting dicked down. You couldn’t lie it was exhilarating being with Shoyo. Although if you were still pretty hammered Hinata would insist you stay not wanting something bad to happen on your way home. He’d offer you his bed while he opted for the couch. Eventually your routine changed you both swapped numbers and soon enough you weren’t meeting at the bar before heading to his place you weren’t needing the aid of alcohol to loosen you up before finding yourself in his bed... or his shower or really any surface in his apartment. You were both insatiable. In time you weren’t rushing away immediately after. Choosing to indulge him , you’ve come to realize that Hinata really enjoyed cuddling and aftercare. Always lighting up when you’d let him pamper you after a particularly rough or extensive session. He’d gladly spoil you after every round but you were still hesitant on to much intimacy. But occasionally you’d satisfy his want for cuddles. Although you’d deny it you rather enjoyed laying in his embrace feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat lull you to sleep. That was another change you no longer accepted him sleeping on the couch when you stayed overnight not wanting to be an inconvenience but also knowing he’d never allow you to take the couch you stopped him one night stating that you’d like him to stay. His eyes lit up as he pounced back into the bed.

But you stayed firm in the fact that you weren’t looking for a relationship and he assured you that he understood and was okay with the arrangement. And that’s how it’s been for the last two months. It had been seven months since your relationship with Atsumu had ended and you would have never guessed that in seven month you’d be in a casual friends with benefits relationship with Hinata. And that’s what you would call yourselves, Hinata was your friend and you his. You steadily got to know each other more and more about each other’s lives. You were a little concerned when you found out it wasn’t solely beach volleyball he played but you put your worries to the side volleyball was a big enough sport. Right? All in all you’d say slowly but surely you were getting happier. You found yourself thinking of you know who less, and some of the pain was starting to subside. Although that distrust was still there. You were still broken. As close as you and Sho got there was still part of you that couldn’t trust yet. How did you know he wouldn’t get bored of you just like the setter had. You weren’t ready to put yourself up to get hurt again. You wanted to trust Hinata he was an amazing guy so kind and understanding never pushing you past what you were comfortable with. He constantly looked out for you checking on you during some of your intense study sessions as you readied for finals always making sure you were taking care of yourself and not overworking. If you stayed over he’d always make sure to set an extra alarm so you wouldn’t be late for class or work. It meant so much to you how much he cared but you just couldn’t believe in it , you had believed that Atsumu cared about you yet that was a lie. Who’s to say this wouldn’t end up just the same. That’s why you wanted to just be friends, a small part still kept a window of hope open that one day it may be more but it wouldn’t be fair to Hinata to bring up any of this while filled with so much uncertainty.

NSFW below if you’d rather not read it skip the first three paragraphs.

You laid there breaths ragged as Hinata pinned you to the bed your legs pressed to your chest as he pounded into you relentlessly. This was his favorite position he loved being so close to you being able to see all of the pleasure in your face as he worked your body over, your tits bouncing to the rhythm he set.

“Sho,” you moaned your thoughts clouded as he built up yet another orgasm, this was your third one since you had stepped foot into his bedroom.

“What’s that baby?” He smirks as he see you struggle to form words. He loved making you like this. Eyes crossed as you gasped for air, craving the release he’d give you. “Fuck beautiful you know how much I love it when your so fucked out you can’t speak straight,” he laughed. You smile at him happy to provide him with what he likes. Hinata was getting lost in his lust. He freed one of your legs letting it rest against his shoulder as he grabbed his headboard for a better angle as he started drilling into you. A loud whimper ripped threw you. You felt so full as his cock reached so deep into you. You knew you were done for and Sho could tell as well , “ that’s it beautiful go ahead and cum for me, fuck your so gorgeous like this,” he groaned as he followed you into his own release spilling himself into the condom.

You laid there breathless. Hinata stood disposing of the used rubber, he exited the room going to grab a soft wet rag and a glass of water making sure to clean and rehydrate you before climbing back into bed and pulling you onto his chest. You both laid there for a while catching you breath, your head resting on his chest arm wrapped around him as you nuzzled further into him. You could feel his heartbeat start to stabilize. He trailed one his hand up and down your back in a very soothing pattern. It felt amazing honestly laying here with him was better than anything you had ever experienced with Tsumu.

You couldn’t see it but Hinata laid there with the goofiest grin as much as he loved sex with you this was his favorite part. Holding you in his arms so tight calming you while you are still so vulnerable. He wishes it could be like this all the time. That he could wrap his arms around you at anytime to hold you whenever he wants, to wake up to your beautiful bed head. He pushes those thoughts to the side as much as he wants you to be his he knows you aren’t ready and the last thing he’d want to do is rush you. You had told him a while back about your ex and everything he had put you threw and how betrayed you were by his actions. You never told him who your ex was and he didn’t ask it wasn’t his place you’d tell him if he needed to know and he knew that. He hated how much your ex had broken you but all he wanted to do was to do his best to fix the damage done. As much as he wanted to be able to call you his , he was happy to wait.

You were finally back to normal but you weren’t ready to leave his embrace. You decided to strike up a some casual pillow talk. You asked him about his day, how his morning run had went. He asked if you were excited about graduation seeing as it was only a month away. You told him about some annoying customers you had at the cafe this morning. You were smiling up at him laughing at the story story he was telling when his eyes lit up!

“That’s right I haven’t told you yet but I made it through try outs!” He boasted. “ I made the team!” You could see the happiness radiating off of him. For some reason you got an unsettling feeling in your gut. You put it to the side.

“THATS AMAZING SHO!” You yelled launching forward wrapping him in a tight hug. “What team?”

“I’ll be playing for the MSBY Black Jackels,” he grins. You feel everything slow down. The words are still processing in your mind. No it can’t be! Why? Why did it have to be his team! Out of all the teams in Japan why did Hinata have to go to the one who’s starting setter ruined you. Suddenly all of the thoughts and memories of Atsumu that had been hidden from you recently came crashing back to you. You wanted nothing to do with him. You couldn’t do it, for the same reason you had pushed away all of your friends and uprooted your life you couldn’t do this, you couldn’t let him back into your life you weren’t nearly ready for him to be in anyway connected to your life. All of the these overwhelming thoughts at were crashing over you were interrupted when Hinata asked his question. One you knew the answer to but couldn’t give to him.

“We have a game next week, would you come watch me play?” He smiled at you. You looked up at him saddness in your eyes. You quickly stood up gathering and putting on your clothes. Stammering for a response. Hinata sat up in alarm at your sudden actions he could sense something wasn’t right. He waits for you to speak seeing you try to form your words. Now fully dressed. You looked up at him his normally smiling face wasn’t there instead it was a face of worry.

“ I-I can’t Shoyo, I can’t go to your game,” you looked around grabbing your purse and phone, “I need to go Sho.” Hinata was now standing he was so confused everything was just fine what had gone wrong. Had he pushed you to far? Was inviting you to his game to intimate?

“Wait YN,” he said reaching for you he need to know you were okay.

“ I’m so so sorry Shoyo I just need to leave, I’m so sorry,” you said frantically looking into his eyes trying to truly express your sincerity in your apology. It wasn’t his fault. He was just excited about his dream and here you were ruining the moment. You always ruin everything you chastised yourself. With one last woeful look you were gone out the door. Hinata was left there in utter confusion. He let out a sigh before sitting back down on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

You closed the door to your apartment with a thud finally allowing the tears you were keeping in to flow free. You kicked off your shoes before throwing yourself onto your bed. You let out a scream of frustration into your pillow as sobs over came you. The exhaustion of the day took you over and soon you were out like a light.

You woke up a couple hours later it was only around seven o’clock and your stomach was growling. This wasn’t going to be a good night. You look at your phone seeing several texts and a missed call from the ginger. You let out a groan, first you needed food and then you needed booze. You went to your bathroom taking a quick shower finally cleaning your post sex body. Before putting on a simple outfit. You slipped out your apartment door and out into the Tokyo night. You stopped at one of your favorite food stalls getting a small bowl of ramen to warm your tired soul. Normally you’d head to your Usual bar but you couldn’t there was the chance of running into Shoyo there and that’s not something you were ready for. You pulled out your phone finding a bar not to far out of your area, it had a sleeker vibe but maybe a little change would be good. So with that you head straight there. Its more crowded than what you were used to. It had a more lively crowd than you local bar. There were couples dancing and large groups of friends standing around and laughing. You head to the bar starting off with two shots straight back to back. Tonight wasn’t a night you wanted to go easy. You sat down at the bar nursing the drinking you had just ordered. You thought back to the incident with Hinata, he must hate you, you figured. He was always there for you yet one mention of you ex and you couldn’t even suck it up to be happy for him. You hated that. He deserved better than what you gave him. You were getting lost in your thoughts letting you mind go down a rabbit hole. Finally you looked up from your drink eyes scanning the bar. And that’s when it happens your eyes lock onto each other from the other side of the bar. It felt like all the air in your lungs suddenly evaporated. It felt unreal like you weren’t really seeing him standing there. He looked just as stunned like he had just seen a ghost. He snaps out of his first and when he starts to walk towards you it finally hits you that it’s really him. You finally breath and when you do his name leaves your lips.

“Suna,”

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[notnctu]

cupid’s arrow - h.rj | 7 days

━ sweet greetings from the 7 days fluff series 

genre ❥ slight angst, fluff !!  details ❥ college!au, friends to lovers!au, genderneutral!reader ━ where renjun makes a bet to get you to fall in love with him.  warnings ❥ explicit language, light banter word count ❥ 7.1k  synopsis ❥ The silly boy has no idea what he’s gotten himself into when he makes a bet with his arrogant friend to get you to fall in love with him. Renjun never intends to confess, mainly because his past unrequited loves have demolished his confidence. So a low stakes gamble causes him a great deal of stress and pride, wishing that it was as easy as striking you with Cupid’s Arrow. While he wants your feelings to develop organically, he actually doesn’t know what he’d do if you did end up liking him back. Because to him, you have always been someone unattainable and out of his reach  taglist ❥ @yourmagnanimousholiness​ ; @lovelycharm05​ ; @watermelonxes​ ; @jaehyunsjasmine​ ; @mjlkau​​ <3

a/n ❥ this is author doie ❀!! uhh this came out a little more angsty than i had planned it to be.. anyways its been a long time coming and we’re still working on the requests hehehe uhh keep an eye out for some blog updates bc we are starting school soon :) thanks for sticking with us so far! lots of love for everyone<3

Huang Renjun catches a glimpse of your enchanting figure across the lecture hall and how you effortlessly slide into your usual seat near the front. The tap against the tiny turnout table with your pen, ruffling your hair to only have it fall back in place beautifully, and aura alone suffocates him.

In a three hundred person lecture, all he sees is you. The only person in the room who has his undivided attention and while it might be entirely infatuation by your attractiveness, the mutual friends you two share describe you having a heart of gold.

A heart that is impenetrable. Strong, sturdy, shining metal that no one has been able to get through, but Renjun thinks that it’s because you can tell someone is undeserving. Keen and observant eyes, it’s a good thing that his stares don’t linger for long.

As he walks down the descending steps to sit in the row behind you, he remembers a very drunk night over the past weekend and an idiotic bet that has him punching himself. He wishes that he never agreed, but the liquid pride in him could not bite his tongue.

“(Y/N)?” His friend scorns and Renjun slaps his forehead at the slip of your name. Truthfully, the alcohol is messing with his head and he’s saying things that are no longer in his control. But how could he have possibly let the one secret he holds to himself out into the small crowd.

He mumbles profanities underneath his breath, trying to limit light from hurting his blurry vision, and rubbing his throbbing temples. “Yes, (Y/N).” There is no confidence in his voice at the whisper of your name.

“Dude, (Y/N) is way out of your league.” The headache just doesn’t have an end. He knows this; there is no way you’d ever bat an eyelash at him first. Renjun just likes things that are impossible to him, a poor habit of his.

“I bet I could get (Y/N) to get with me first before you ever can.” Then, Renjun’s eyes shoot open wide and the view of the arrogance laughing in the dimness slowly boils his blood.

Renjun may seem like the weaker link to pick on, but he is not one to give up a fight. While his friend has an advantage, the last thing Renjun would want is for you to fall for a horrendous two faced personality.

He’ll charm your pants off and when he gets what he wants: the victory and your vulnerability, he’ll hurt you. Would you be able to see past his fake genuineness or actually fall for the person he plays so well? Renjun can’t let anyone hurt you if he can prevent it.

“I bet that I can get (Y/N) to fall in love with me.” Renjun stumbles to stand up proudly, making himself bolder and more intimidating. Nevertheless, the drowsiness intoxicates him and he can barely keep his line of vision focused.

He sees the disgusting smirk on his friend’s face and a hand extends out for Renjun to shake. “Okay. Let’s bet on it. If you can’t get (Y/N) to fall in love with you, they’ll be mine and you can’t speak to them ever again.”

“Nice use of claiming someone who barely knows you exist.” The alcohol didn’t take away Renjun’s sharp sarcasm and the constant rolling of his eyes.

Renjun truly has no confidence at the game he decided to engage in, his only motive is to protect you from a bad guy. He wouldn’t even know how to handle the potential chance that you could like him back, did you have the ability to do so?

He never had the intention to confess to you, his heart has been broken all too much already by unrequited loves from his past. And if he had to be honest with himself, his admiration for you has become so strong that even he’s afraid to be someone to taint it.

What are the odds that the entire row behind you is already filled? Renjun’s throat closes when he sees the empty seat right next to you and the professor starting up his presentation. Other students push past him to hurry into empty seats before lecture begins, and his own feet pick him up toward you.

Like a magnetic pull, you attract him with an inexplicable force so naturally. Clearing his throat, he swallows the anxiousness that blocks him from speaking. 

“Is this seat taken?”

This is it. This is the first of many looks you two will share, and Renjun’s heart pounds at his chest to wait for your eyes to meet his own for more than a second.

As if the room falls silent and everything is in slow motion, Renjun captures the very image when you blink up at him with beautiful dazzling gentleness and the utter sugar of your lips curling upwards. And he’s stunned, hoping it doesn’t show on his face.

“No.” It’s a simple reply and nothing worth jumping out of joy about, but he tries so hard to hold back the growing smile of your acknowledgement. You are being polite, but something inside of him feels giddy and like static running through his veins.

“Thanks.” Dropping his bag, he enters the seat carefully and sits with his hands folded together on the tiny table.

You examine the attentive boy, as his focus is trained on the lecture slides and the unprepared professor messing with his mic. Chuckling, “you don’t take notes?”

Renjun is surprised at your sudden interaction, completely blindsided by your friendliness. He wasn’t sure how well that would have worked, but your curiosity speaks for you. “I actually forgot my laptop today.” The heavy device sits in his bag at his feet, but he doesn’t dare take it out after the lie.

The soft ‘oh’ that falls from your mouth is too cute and Renjun clears his throat to bring him back from his daydreams of you. Looking apologetic, he shrugs and pretends to gear his attention back to the professor, who finally starts the long awaited class.

“I can send you my notes for the day, if you’d like.” The kindness in your voice does not go unnoticed, in fact, it causes Renjun to hold onto it for a little longer to fuel his undying crush for you.

“I’d love that—” Perhaps he shouldn’t have used the word love for the strictly friendly gesture. “—you’re a lifesaver. Uh, how should I refer to you as?” Playing dumb is his only way to get to you, for now.

“(Y/N). And you?” You hand your phone toward him with social media popped up to input his user handle.

Renjun introduces himself as his sweaty fingers type, and he wonders if he should have polished up any photos that may have you steering away from him. However when he returns your device, the smile that lights up your face allows him to breathe easily.

“I knew you sounded familiar. You’re friends with Jaemin, right?” Your whisper grows soft as you multitask to make conversation and jot down a few important bullet points from the slides. Renjun tries hard to dissect the information as well, but the boring tone of his professor is nothing compared to his crush finally having conversation with him.

“We’re housemates along with two other people.” His body is able to relax now that he’s broken the wall of introductions. You carry yourself to be more intimidating than you actually are.

When he peeks back over at your concentrated expression, your lip is hidden by your top row of teeth and your quick eyes dart between the monitor and your page. How are you so good at literally everything?

“A small world.” He picks up your every word, “well Renjun, since this class has basically ruined my life, would it be too much to ask if you’re down to study with me?” And despite the fluorescent lights being absolutely dull, they still dust your eyes with an enticing glitter.

He must have been staring for too long because you start your sentence of doubt, but Renjun stammers over his response. The professor isn’t quite happy with the small overlap of chatter and shoots a glare at the two of you.

That’s definitely not a good way to start, but it’s memorable. Renjun motions for your pen, and scribbles in his own font the answer to your offer:

I’d love that :)

Then, his heart soars back into the clouds once again at the grin that settles and your written response:  

Me too <3

How does one get someone to fall for them? If Renjun knew, he wouldn’t still be single and infatuated with someone too good for him. He wishes that it’s as simple as the myths make it out to be, where all Cupid had to do was draw his bow and launch a loving arrow that pierces through the heart — an instant love.

But playing Cupid himself is harder than anticipated. He has no handy tools to assist him with his goals. He just has himself, lacks luster and is invisible. Can he be more painfully boring?

And he looks at you with literal hearts in his eyes. An excitement that awaits him, the true meaning of a head turner. That is you. And all he can offer is his mere presence.

“So how did you and Jaemin meet?” Looking up from your blinding laptop screen, Renjun feels the light tap underneath the table from your foot. He chuckles at the subtly adorable affection, and your own way of showing it.

This has to be the third round of study sessions you two shared, and bit by bit, he falls more and more for you despite it needing to be the other way around. The captivating get-to-know you conversation of favorites all down to your aspirations and goals.

The intelligence of you, your wisdom, your perspective. While he did not have this insight before, knowing it now only makes you more alluring. He can’t believe you’re even sitting with him in his shared living room, just the two of you.

“We met at orientation. He’s persistent.” Renjun laughs lightly and you smile in return, nodding along with his statement.

“Wish I met you guys at orientation. I was never the one to reach out to people first until college forced me out of my shell.” He hopes his ears didn’t deceive him, but Renjun had to do a double take: you said you guys, which includes him, right? You wish you had met him earlier?

But the latter shocks him a bit. If he recalls your first meeting, you were the one curious enough to continue speaking to him. “I would have never guessed.”

“Really?” There is a notable light in your eyes as you tilt your head. “I don’t seem shy?”

“Not at all…” He has to stop himself from going on an incredible tangent about how greatly outspoken you are, it gives away too much on how observant he’s been.  

“I’m good at hiding it then.” You examine the soft shade of pink on the tips of his ears and his averting shy gazes. “What are you good at hiding?”

Your question leaves him speechless and gripping at any ends of answers. There are a number of ways he can go about it, but the truth is not one of them.

What is he good at hiding? His unconditional affection for you. He’s good at concealing every heavy heart beat at your smallest actions. He’s good at keeping a regretful secret bet.

But as those options pop into his head, he doesn’t want to say any of them. So, he opts for a white lie instead and hopes that the hesitation doesn’t sell him out for being a nervous wreck.

“I’m good at hiding what I fear.” You blink at him, clearly intrigued to want to know more.

“You do seem pretty fearless, Huang Renjun.” There is a brief exchange of eye contact and Renjun swears that his pounding heart can be heard in the silence. A smirk on your lips as you return to your work, he’s warm inside from the usage of his full name. And you don’t even realize the effect you have over him.

“So, you and (Y/N) are close. How did that start?” Jaemin jumps onto Renjun’s neatly made bed. The covers are now ruffled and tossed from the impact.

Jaemin isn’t home very often, but in the rare times he has been, it’s always during the study sessions with you. The first time you came over, Jaemin tried not to talk up a storm from seeing a familiar face. He respects Renjun’s relationships, so he tried his best to keep from prying at the boy.

“You finally want to know?” Renjun scoffs lightheartedly, punching his housemate lightly on the shoulder as he swivels around in his chair. With an excited wide smile, Jaemin tugs at his friend’s arm as an endearing sign of persistence. “Okay, okay. We have the same class.”

“(Y/N) really approached you in a three hundred student lecture?” A tone of disbelief settles in Jaemin’s rhetorical question. He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Renjun to tell some truth.

“Not exactly. I sat next to them and a conversation just happened.” Renjun shrugs as if it’s nothing big, as if it hadn’t been for your curiosity that started this blossoming relationship.

“Spare me the details.” Jaemin sits up to hold Renjun by his shoulders. The pressure feels oddly crushing, like a whole weight dropping on him. Jaemin stares him dead in the eyes. “What are your motives, Huang Renjun?”

His mouth hangs slightly open from the question. “I can’t be friends with (Y/N)?” Almost defensively, Renjun furrows his eyebrows at his friend, but he can tell Jaemin has caught onto his lie.

“I heard that you made a bet with a certain shithead.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at remembering their horrible mutual, a crime to even consider him as a friend. He drops his heavy hands from Renjun’s shoulders and falls back onto the mattress.  

The alarming expression of grave danger, Renjun is screwed. He gulps the gathered saliva in the back of his mouth, searching for a plausible explanation. “I was drunk.” He slaps his forehead at the stupid reasoning as Jaemin shoots upright to begin scolding him.

“Let me explain,” Renjun covers his mouth to halt Jaemin’s excessive nagging. “I like (Y/N), that’s how the bet even came alive. I slipped up and then he was saying all this stuff about (Y/N) being out of my league.”

“Which is true.” Jaemin adds, quite muffled but doesn’t slip past Renjun.

Renjun glares and thanks him sarcastically. “I made the bet to protect (Y/N) from him. He was provoking me by saying that he can get (Y/N) first and since I was heavily intoxicated, I didn’t think before I spoke.”

Jaemin holds Renjun warmly, seeing that his friend needed a hug from the saddened memory. It’s all too obvious how regretful Renjun feels. “So I’m trying my best at carrying the bet because there’s too much at stake.”

A chill runs down his spine remembering the consequences. He just can’t fail. Jaemin pulls away and lightly pats Renjun’s hair. “Cupid has made you into a fool for your crush.”

“He’s made me into a bigger one for thinking I could get my crush to like me back.” Renjun sighs in defeat and groans loudly. Why does this frustrate him so much? Perhaps it’s the lack of ability to actually get someone to like him back.

Renjun has been single for his entire life, not by choice. He’s done the movie cliches of a confession: a bouquet of roses, a poster, a night under the stars. And not one has ever accepted his feelings. He doesn’t blame any of them since he still struggles with finding things to love about himself. What is there to love about him? He can’t seem to find any redeeming qualities worth mentioning.

But you. You, alone, is simply worth an honorable mention. And now that it’s been well over a month of your friendship, he can confirm that you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

“Why don’t you start by being (Y/N)’s friend first? Love doesn’t just happen in an instant, no offense to Cupid or anything. I mean.. isn’t it all just a myth anyways?” Jaemin picks Renjun’s falling chin and he can see the glossy eyes of sadness. They swim with frustration and guilt.

Like an epiphany, Jaemin gave Renjun a starting place. For weeks, Renjun racked his brain for an easy solution out of it all. In reality, he didn’t need any wicked form of magic for foul play. He just wants to be by your side for as long as you allow. And a part of him is scared for you to like him back.

You’ve always been too out of his reach. Standing on a pedestal, you’re something unattainable. It’s lucky that you even bat an eyelash at him. He’s admired you all too much, Renjun won’t actually know what to do if you ever did like him back.

This all stems from his inner insecurities, like a recurring thought: what is there to like about him? Or is he even good enough for you?

If someone had warned him that love could become this confusing, he would’ve sacrificed his heart for something less complicated. To feel. To love. Renjun wishes he can remove the love bow that pierced through his chest.

On a random Friday night, Renjun’s phone rings with an unexpected caller ID. He pauses the song he’s been listening to for the past hour to pick up.

“Renjun! I’m sad and drunk right now.” Your voice is incredibly slurred and he can barely hear you with the loud background noise. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Are you over on Third Ave. again?” He despises that place. A house on the corner of Third Avenue right off the interstate from campus that throws weekly parties. These parties are overcrowded with creeps and cheap booze. Unfortunately, you’re favorite place to run away to.

This isn’t his first time coming to get you. Over the past few months of your established friendship, you’ve sent him numerous amounts of drunk texts calling for him. This is the first time you actually called, preluding to a really rough night you’ve been having.

You sigh into the receiver, “you remembered.” like you’re on the verge of tears, he can hear the quiver in your tiny voice.

“I have your location, idiot.” Renjun smiles at your silly drunk reactions, finding you more enduring from the innocence. “I’ll be there in a blink.”

“Okay, I’ll close my eyes so I can open them to you.” You giggle before hanging up and Renjun can’t keep the widest grin off of his face. He’s rushing out his door, not wanting to wait another second to see you.

One thing Renjun realized after finally growing close enough to you is that through all his infatuation, you’re still a human. While he thinks of you in a sparkling cascading glitter waterfall, you’re made of the same softness that Renjun has. You’re not perfect and he needed to stop idolizing you as if you’re some shiny trophy.

No, he’s learned that he needed to love you for who you truly are. And the moment he broke down your layers, the glass tears that fell from your cheeks were real. The pain through your confident façade, Renjun needed to love you at your lowest.

He saw you for you, not the attractive person from his lecture he drooled months over. You are the exact reality that movies are afraid to portray. You’re courageous, chic, charming. But you’re also shy, soft spoken, and silly. You’re like waking up during dawn and marveling in the silence of a sleeping society. You’re also like smiles on a sunny day and living in the moment.

Renjun is lovestruck, wildly in love with all that you are. The only thing that brings down his spirits is the lingering bet he made several months ago and he hates how it’s always gnawing at him. It’s like an echo, bouncing off the walls of his mind. He can’t shake it off. Most of the time, he tries to focus the moment in front of him, but it has him tossing and turning in the middle of the night.

Without much surprise, you stand in front of the overflowing party house with eyes cutely squeezed shut. A friend by your side to wait with you. “Open your eyes.” Renjun yells as windows roll down and he double parks the car.

Your eyes gleam in the darkness and bidding your friend a quick goodbye, you jump into the familiar vehicle and embrace your good friend with a longing hug. Renjun chuckles at your adorable actions, patting your shoulder lightly. Despite the cheerful welcome, the mood immediately shifts when he hears your tiny sniffs and feels the tears on his shirt.

“C’mon, your favorite ice cream flavor is waiting for you at my place.” As he whispers positive affirmations, you can only cry harder into his chest. “You’re not feeling too good tonight, are you?”

It’s way too obvious of a question to ask, he knows. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to say and comforting is not his strongest skill without it turning it into a life lesson. He knows what you need, just someone to acknowledge how you’re feeling and to listen.

“I’m feeling the worst tonight. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later?” You pull away from his arms, even if he isn’t ready to let you go. He helps buckle your seatbelt and wipe any remaining wetness on your cheeks.

Your hand briefly touches Renjun’s which causes the boy to freeze at the sudden action. Your hazy smile is unclear, but you lean into him before he can process all the randomness. A kiss on his cheek, the most delicate feeling of lips on skin.

Renjun explodes inside, like hazardous fireworks on a cloudy night. He wants to enjoy it, but his circumstances make it difficult for him to. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Your body slumps back onto the seat, a pout on your lower lip. Renjun shifts awkwardly in his seat, buckling his seatbelt to begin the ride home. He can’t find the words to say.

You’re being too casual about what had just happened, as if you’re ignoring it all. Or you simply have no control over anything that you’re doing. “Let me tell you a secret, Injunie.” The sugarcoated nickname. You’re definitely too drunk at the moment, and whatever you do now will be long forgotten the next morning.

Renjun still doesn’t say anything, relishing in the kiss on the cheek just seconds ago. His fingers lightly touch his face, grazing upon the very part your lips came in contact with. He’s truly through the moon and— “I used to have the biggest crush on Jaemin.” Renjun abruptly steps on the brakes, whipping the both of you in your seats.

His heart is falling, it’s plummeting and he can’t do anything to save it. “I really didn’t expect such a surprised reaction.”

Renjun clears his throat. “I’m just caught off guard.” Not a lie, he really wasn’t expecting a confession and his heart to break right at this moment. “Why Jaemin?”

He knows why Jaemin. He’s a social butterfly with no caution to the wind and a heart made of pure kindness. A welcoming friendly figure that won’t hesitate to feed into someone’s need for words of affirmation. Not to mention, Jaemin has a good few inches above him and looks of a poster kpop idol. Of course, you liked Jaemin.

“He has such a good heart. I guess I just like guys who think of me first, as selfish as that sounds. I don’t prioritize myself, so it would be nice if someone else did.” You fiddle your thumbs and Renjun is impatiently tapping his fingers against the wheel.

The red traffic light before you enacts two different feelings. Renjun wants this ride to end as fast as possible. You want this ride to last forever.

“But, Jaemin is seeing someone.”

Your head ducks down and out the window at the shining streetlamps; you know very well about Jaemin’s love life. “I didn’t expect anything from him. I just liked him for him. He came to pick me up every time I would ask, I guess I have a thing for guys who do that.”

Renjun tightens his grip, heart pounding at your statement. You peer up to look at your friend in the lack of light. His glasses sit low on his nose bridge, a soft cotton shirt hugs his torso, and pajama pants that clad his legs. A mess bed of hair as the cherry on top.

After Jaemin, you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fall for anyone so easily. All of that was thrown out the window the very first night Renjun came to your saving. Despite contrary belief, your heart is not as impenetrable as people make you out to be. And as tough as you can be, it was too hard not to be the slightest interested in him.

Ever since your first meeting, Renjun has always been cool and collected. He’s a hothead at his best, but too playful for any serious damage. Renjun reminds you of yourself. Like a huge impenetrable wall built against any trouble to enter, he is as guarded as you are. He’s timid, and while you had tried your best to hide your own, Renjun simply embraces that part of him.

Renjun stayed after every tearful night. He’s helped you through every difficult study guide, if anything he saved your failing grade.

Renjun puts you first throughout anything; asking if you want the booth seat at restaurants, strategically walking on the outer side so you can avoid driving cars, always has your favorite snacks without you asking. Every tiny gesture, may you be slightly delusional, seemed as if he loved you. And if he did, you wouldn’t mind one bit because you wanted to love him back.

“What about you? We’ve never really talked about our love lives before.” You speak up in the silence, Rejun being awfully quiet tonight. He hopes you don’t blame him, but everything has been too overwhelming. He is no longer sure on what he wants to do or how to react.

“My love life is too sad to talk about.” He’s never wanted to talk about it with you, in case he’d slip up and say something too revealing. “It’s a long list of unrequited loves. I’ve given up on professing my feelings to someone at this point.”

“What would have to happen to get you to confess?” Your eyes coin a mischievous twinkle.

Renjun feels his palms grow sweaty, a bit nervous with this conversation topic. 

“Something catastrophic.”

Something catastrophic did end up happening. Renjun wishes he could disappear, or if he runs away, would anyone notice?

He stands behind your fuming stance. In any other given situation, Renjun would be more than flattered that you’re standing up for him. However in this case, you’re making a fool out of yourself on his behalf.

“Oh, so you haven’t told (Y/N) about the bet?” Of all the nights Renjun decides to accompany you on a Friday evening, he runs until the one person he never wanted to come within ten feet to.

Truthfully, the night was going well. He ran into a few of his other acquaintances from his club, others from his classes. You held onto his arm the moment you two entered the party, afraid to lose this precious boy in the dense crowd. People walked by and expressed how cute you two looked together.

You poured him drinks that will make his head throb and you busted dance moves that made his heart throb. You were the epitome of a fun time, like an explosion of positive endorphins. Your toothy smiles. Your bright electrified eyes. Your sweet laughter. This was the last beautiful image he had of you before everything came falling apart.

“What bet?” You quickly turn around to face Renjun. His hand scratches the back of his neck and his gaze stays staring at his own feet. Your throat grows tight from Renjun’s hesitation.

“He made a bet with me that he could get you to fall in love with him.” Please stop talking, Renjun begs in his thoughts. He tightens his fist, unable to form words to speak. The thumping of the loud music makes it hard to focus.

“He—” Shaky voice and stuttering… even you are having doubts of Renjun’s character. “He wouldn’t do that.” Your eyes bounce between him and Renjun.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don't know him very well then.” Renjun’s arrogant friend crosses his arms coolly, a smug smirk unfolding on his face.

“It’s true, (Y/N). I did make the bet and I regret it every waking day.” Renjun finally speaks up, but you’re out the door before he can continue.

There isn’t another thought in his head when he’s running after you; you’re already so far down the road. The secret was bound to be revealed, but he wasn’t ready for it. He was never going to be ready for this day because his first mistake was making the bet to begin with.

He should have thought about you. He should have just swallowed his pride and talked his friend out of it. Was that a choice? Could he have just done that instead of letting it fester into such a problem?

Out of breath and out of mind, Renjun calls out your name. When you spin on your heels to walk toward him, his heart reaches for you. However, you push at his chest and he almost falls backwards.

You’re angry, more than angry. You’re upset. You have every right to be. “What were you thinking, Renjun?” There is a small crack in your voice and he can see your tear stained cheeks under the moonlight. “Am I even your friend? All this time… you had an agenda. Were your actions all fake, then? You wanted to manipulate me into falling in love with you?”

Your words are hitting like large bricks. You are questioning the past five months of your friendship and everything Renjun has ever done for you. A false reality, Renjun didn’t actually give a damn about you. He wanted to prove some odd male status. Could you be any more blind?

“Please let me explain… I was drunk out of my mind that night and the bet I made was stupid. It was before proper evaluation. Does it make it okay? No, I understand that.” Renjun speaks with his hands, clearly panicked and frazzled by the way they waved around in the air. “The bet… I did it to protect you from that guy. I didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“So you hurt me instead?” If someone were to listen closely, they would be able to hear the shattering of two hearts tonight. On this late evening, two hearts are broken under the moon and stars.

But it’s pitiful because the arrow that struck Renjun remains intact. He still loves you, which is why it pains him so much to where he can’t breathe. The information in his head is scattered, like an alarm blaring through his empty brain.

All he knows is that he loves you. You are the one thing he’s afraid of losing. From the first words you two exchanged, his fear that he hid all too well is and always will be losing you.

“That was not my intention ever. I never wanted to hurt you.” Renjun takes a step closer, but you take one back.

“Well you did because your little bet… it worked. I love you, Renjun, so congratulations.” There is bitterness and an inexplicable amount of heartbreak that lace your venomous confession.

All of his life, he thought that if one person liked him back, he’d be the happiest person in the world. Possibly confused at how to proceed with the information, but definitely glad that someone could see any redeeming characteristics in him.

But he feels all the opposite. Your confession keeps his heart broken. If anything, it puzzles him more. “How..? Why would you ever like me?” There were no tricks, no attempts at flirtation, nothing out of bounds of being your friend. He just had himself. And if anyone in the universe were to like him, he’d never expect it would be you.

You groan, growing more infuriated at Renjun. “Because you’re everything I wish I could be. You’re level-headed and insightful. You’re calm and cool, without any necessary arrogance. The way you make me feel… I feel important to you, at least, I thought I was.” Your voice continues to drop softer and softer, “how could I not like you?”

The butterflies could not come at a better time. Hearing you compliment him when he found it difficult to look past his own self deprecation, he’s beyond any levels of shock. Nevertheless, he feels apologetic and knew that this is all too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), for making that terrible bet. But, I need you to know one thing: our friendship was genuine. All I’ve ever wanted these past months is to make sure your sweet smile stays resting on your beautiful face.”

“Why? You didn’t know me! You used me for some … pride gamble. I was nothing to you the day you made that bet.” You shout harsh words at him, and Renjun can’t hold back any longer.

This is what he meant by something catastrophic. When he’s pushed to the edge of a cliff, all his buttons are pressed aggressively. Everything falling apart. The loose ends coming undone all too quickly to grapple. He never wanted it to come to this.

“That-That’s not true! I loved you long before that regretful night! You mean every single moment of happiness to me. You’re every ray of sunshine that kisses my skin, every blue sky that reminds me of good days. You mean everything to me.” Genuine words pour from his lips, hoping that you’ll understand what’s left of his heart.

“You’re confessing?” You gasp, practically dazed at the amount of metaphors he compared you to. “Something catastrophic.” A small moment of recollection and a mumble under your breath, you’re understanding what he meant by the phrase he used several nights ago.

“Yes because I can't lose you. I’m a mess of feelings at the moment, but I just know that I’m scared to wake up to days without you in them.” Renjun pleads, the night air causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. His eyes are full of melancholy and fear as he waits for your response.

And you want to forgive him, but would that mean your heart is being too easy? You feel lingering pain, but your eyes reflect Renjun. “To think I thought you were pretty fearless.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes at him and are completely unsure what to do next.

Nevertheless, you’ve wanted someone like Renjun at some point in your life. You hoped for better days and those didn’t start happening until you two met. Renjun went from being your distant study partner to being your number one person to call. He’s wiped more tears than any boy has.

The difference between Renjun and Jaemin is while Jaemin is known to have an extravagantly warm presence, Renjun’s is hidden underneath all the quietness. Like a breakthrough, getting through Renjun felt like getting through to yourself. You needed him to aid in your own self love.

All you’ve ever wanted is to be seen and Renjun saw you.

“I forgive you.” Renjun can finally breathe and rest his tense muscles. But when he reaches for your hand, you take it away. “But it doesn’t mean we are okay. I’ll approach you when I’m ready.”

It’s not easy to love as it’s not easy to pretend that everything can go back to normal after being hurt. You need him to understand that, would he wait for you? The many others before didn’t.

“Okay.” That is all he can say, in the midst of a defeat, he still wishes that you’d stay by his side. But he wrestles that desire with transparency and having organic feelings. Nonetheless, he values the latter. If you did really somehow manage to love him, you’ll come back when you’re ready. He knows. He understands. He sees you through and through.

And he watches you disappear back into the house to find a friend to drive you home. He loves you, but love can also be consequential.

It’s already midway into the school semester and not that Renjun is counting or anything, but it’s been practically a whole month since the night at the party. He’s done nothing, except sigh in despair and reminisce about the memories before they were ruined.

While Jaemin’s efforts to console him are much appreciated, it doesn’t do much for the fact that you haven’t acknowledged Renjun’s existence for a whole thirty days.

And although he’ll wait a lifetime for you, the question of when he should move on ponders his clouded thoughts. His intensively agonizing desire of wanting to be by your side has dwindled down now. Renjun just wants to see you happy.

“Hey Cupid,” It’s a newly despised nickname coined by the one and only person who knows how to push at Renjun’s buttons — Lee Haechan. Haechan knocks obnoxiously at his door and does not wait around to hear an answer, “get your sad face out here.”

“Go away, Haechan. I’m not in the mood.” As Renjun mindlessly skims over his calendar for important dates, he is pained by the reminder of your upcoming birthday. You had marked it yourself a while back and specifically told Renjun that his attendance is entirely mandatory.

Times have changed now, right? You’ve been radio silent for weeks and as much as he hates to say this to himself: you probably don’t remember making such an assertion. Why would you? You’re most likely not thinking about him anymore anyways and maybe that’s for the better.

“Hey! Lovestruck Asshole, I’m not going to tell you again. Get that arrow out of your ass and come outside now.” Just the demand alone in Haechan’s voice irritates Renjun enough to where he’s storming to open his door.

But what it reveals is not the smirk of his annoying housemate, instead, it is the image of the very first time Renjun ever laid eyes on you and the moment Cupid’s Arrow struck right through his heart. It’s a rush of nostalgia that surges through his veins.

You sit with a hand underneath your chin and elbow pressing into a flat surface for support. The dazed stare of daydream as you’re unaware of your surroundings, yet still waiting for something exciting to catch your attention. And just how lovely you look in the softest rose colored shirt and how your lips, still barely glistening from a quick swipe of your tongue, are slightly agape into an expressionless rest.

All before your eyes trail to the distraction of another body entering the room and for a brief second, make eye contact with Renjun as he’s all the more astonished by your grace. Then like a scene that’s imprinted in his head too clearly, your gaze drops back down to the floor and you’re back to your inner thoughts.

As if the pierced arrow in his heart is triggered, Renjun rediscovers the feelings of a newfound infatuation — a crush. Though baseless except in regards to physical attraction, he’s nonetheless amazed by how quickly you take his breath away… again.

Unlike the first memory, you actually speak to him as you’re now familiar with the starry eyed boy. “It’s been a while.”

The color in your voice that he’s missed hearing is pure music. He clears his throat as if he’s afraid of his own vocal chords breaking from nervousness.

“H-Hey, yeah. It’s been a while.” Renjun repeats dumbfounded that you’re even sitting in his shared living room.

“How have you been?” There you are being polite, but the giddiness still runs like static through his veins at being asked about his well being.

“Lost.” He blurts out the first word that comes to mind. Perhaps, he should stop using words with such heavy implications to friendly gestures. Your head immediately pops up and he scrambles to correct himself. “I mean I’ve been distracted lately.”

“Sadness really does take its course.” You tread lightly, testing the waters with a small grin. The atmosphere is oddly comforting, like feeling you can’t quite replace.

Renjun looks rather rough around the edges, but you don’t blame him since you did show up unannounced. However, the glint in his eyes is much of a delight to see. The way his small mouth curves into the tiniest smile and the gentleness in his regular cadence remind you of past long days full of laughter. The best part of them all — you spent them together.

“My birthday is coming up soon.” Jumping straight to the point of your visit, you stand up to approach him. “I plan to host a small party… and I remember saying a while back that your attendance is mandatory.”

Renjun catches his breath in his throat and he could run gleeful laps around the room if it isn’t for the poorly spaced complex. “So are you still down, Huang Renjun?”

“I’d love that.” He smiles greatly at your offer and as simple as that, your arms wrap around his torso into a long awaited embrace.

“Me too.” You mumble into his shirt and take a deep breath of his lavender scented detergent, “I’m ready. I’m ready to have you in my life. I’m ready to laugh with you. I’m ready to lay in your company. I’m ready to give you my heart.”

As you finish your last sentence, his arms wrap around you too and pull you into a tighter hold. “You have always had mine.”

Renjun can finally remove the arrow that unforgivingly stayed stuck in his heart for the longest time. Your reciprocated love fills up the hole that is left behind. He can now love you with a full and whole heart.

[chaoticparker]

The Bite

Peter Parker x reader

w/c: 3.7k

warnings: swearing, blood, broken glass, tiny bit of angst but mainly fluff

a/n: Let me know what you think <3

masterlist

~~~

“All right everyone off the bus and wait inside the lobby!”

Everyone sprung off their seats on the bus and ran to the door. Today everyone was visiting Oscorp, Norman Osborn’s lab, it was some sort of publicity thing so Norman would get elected mayor of New York. 

You and Peter were sitting next to each other during the bus ride, it was early in the morning and you had to wake up much earlier than what you would of liked to, so you both were still half asleep. “You ready to go?” You looked over at Peter who was still sitting in his seat, staring off into space. “come on Pete get up.” You pulled Peter up which seemed to snap him out of his trance. “You ok?” 

“Yea, I just spaced out sorry.” Peter got up and walked into the aisle with you close behind him. Once you got outside the air was crisp and cold, making you and Peter shiver. You ran into the building to get warm and meet up with the other students.

“Where’s Ned?” Peter asked, you swore you saw him get onto the bus with you this morning, but you’re not sure who he sat with. 

Eventually you spot him in the corner talking to someone, “He right over there, but who’s he talking to?” You turned Peter around and inconspicuously pointed to him and the girl.

Peter took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes and the lenses and put the back on to get a better look. “Thats Betty from the schools morning announcement team I th-”

“Thats Betty?” You whisper shouted. “Ned kept bringing up a girl named Betty and I swore her name was Annie, I mean, she looks like an Annie. But I thought Ned just made her up, I didn’t think she was real” You looked over to Peter who was looking a mixture of shock and surprise. “I am so stupid.”

“First off how did you not know Betty’s name we have homeroom together? And second how did you know Ned had a crush on her?” Peter kept his voice down so he doesn’t draw attention to you both, not wanting Flash to overhear and ruin Ned’s chances.

“I think just have a knack for knowing when someone is in love.” You joked

Only Peter didn’t realize you were joking, “Wait what-” Peter started but was interrupted by Mr. Harrington by splitting the groups in two.

“Groups 1-7 on the left and groups 8-15 on the right! AND REMEMBER TO STAY WITH YOUR BUDDY! I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER KID” He yelled, followed by the women working there having a shocked face and her hushing him. 

You and Peter were group 7, you caught Ned’s eyes and he pointed to the right while you pointed left. Ned also pointed to Betty with a big smile on his face, followed by Peter giving him a thumbs up. 

Peter was worried about what you said, you had a ‘knack for knowing when someone was in love’? What did you mean by that? Peter started to worry that you knew he liked you, and you’ve never confessed anything to him because theres nothing to confess. 

No No No, don’t think like that Peter, he thought, trying to hype himself up, if she knew you liked her why is she still around? Surly if she did not feel the same way she would of left. Or she simply does not know. There is still a chance. 

Peter was snapped out of this thoughts by you tugging him on his sweater, “come on the groups about to leave.” Peter and you speeded walked to the rest of the group so you were with the group but just in the back. “Are you doing ok Pete? You seem distracted.” You looked at him worried. Sure, Peter was an anxious guy, you even talked to him about if he wanted any professional help, but he assured you that he’s fine, just a tad overwhelmed, but this? He seemed so much more stressed and anxious, not to mention the constant spacing out.  

Peter cleared his throat and put his arm around you, “I’m sorry, I guess theres a lot on my mind and I’m not too sure why.” Of course he knew why, he was stressing over the fact you might know he likes him! And also the fact that you might never love him and it was all too much for him too handle. 

“Ok, but you know you can talk to me right?” You said as you gave him a side hug, “We’ve known each other for forever and the most important part of us being so close is that we can talk to each other.” You hoped Peter caught what you were trying to say. In complete honesty you’ve loved him for a long time. Ever since you saw him with his oversized glasses and his star wars shirts. But how could Peter Parker, the selfless, kind person ever love you? And how could you ever love someone so sickeningly sweet? 

You don’t deserve him, you thought, he is completely in love with Liz and never will be with you.

“I know that,” Peter pulled you out of your thoughts, “I just don’t know whats wrong. I just kind of have a weird feeling.” 

Peter hoped you would drop the conversation at that point. He didn’t want to spill his guts to you especially on a school field trip, where you were stuck together. But you just nodded and you turned your attention to the man walking you through the tour. 

“And this here is the bio testing.” He pointed towards a room, “everyone needs to put on goggles and a lab coat-”

“Can we keep the lab coats?” Flash asked.

“No, you cannot keep the lab coats they are not complementary. Now hurry up everyone! If we are lucky we will be able to see the lab techs at work!” 

Everyone started to quickly put their coats and goggles on, and people started to take photos on your phones. One of the people was you and Peter, “Smile!” He said and you both gave a cheesy smile. “I’ll send it to you.”

“Everyone please put your phones in here.” The tour guide handed out a white buckets and everyone groaned. “It is apart of Oscorp's privacy policy. No recording in certain areas such as the testing rooms.”

Everyone gave quite mumbles about how ‘stupid’ and ‘bullshit’ this was, some a little louder than others, and soon enough you were going thought the door with Peter on your side.  

“And here is where we research different animals.” The tour guide showed off the different animals including, snakes, birds and- 

“S-spiders” Peter was stunned, he hated spiders. He claimed that how they just don’t make sense, they can climb onto walls, shoot webs and for some reason are strong? He learned everything about them so if he was ever faced with one, and aunt May or Uncle Ben was not around to get rid of it for him, he would know how to get rid of it himself and stay alive.

“Come on Pete, they are harmless. But it is weird in here, it doesn’t seem like there is any research work, more.. testing.” Why were they testing on animals? Oscorp had branded it’s self on being cruelty free, but the again they did say they help the environment, which was a HUGE lie. 

You grabbed Peter’s hand and shoved in front of of everyone to the front of the group, “excuse me but what exactly do you do with the animals here?” You ask as a man in a dark suit appears behind a door.

The tour guide starts but the man interrupts him, “And whats your name dear?”

“Y/N”

“Well, Y/n, we do research on the animals to see how we can use some features they have, replicate it, and use it.” The guy is clearly mansplaining, his attitude was intolerable.  

“But the equipment you have around here looks like your testing on the animals?” You started but then Mr. Harrington stepped besides you.

“Y/n, I’m not sure if Mr. Osborn can answer your questions thoroughly, lets just continue looking at the animals.”

“Ah, yes thank you. And please make sure not to touch anything.” And with that the man, or apparently Mr. Osborn left. 

It shocked you that you were just talking to the founder of Oscorp, and how blatantly rude he is. 

“Wow whats that” Flash yelled near the window. You, Peter and the rest of the students all ran toward the window to see what was so cool. In the process a kid knocked over the glass container. As the tour guide saw he pressed the emergency button. “EVERYONE OUT NOW!” 

Everyone ran out bumping into each other. Flash bumped into you causing you to trip and fall. “Fucking hell” you groaned. Your whole body was hurting at this point, you started to get up but you cut your hand on the broken glass. “Fuck” Another groan. 

“Y/n? How do you feel?” Peter kneeled besides you trying to help you up but ended up slipping on the glass too cutting his hand and causing his glasses to break, “fuck, come on we need to leave.”

He moved his hand let out a small scream, “PETER ARE YOU OK WHAT WAS THAT?” You completely ignored the pain of your hand and helped grabbed his shoulder.

Peter was shaking his arm violently, “The spider just bit me and it fucking hurt.” Peter quickly got up and you both ran out of the room. You followed the others back to the lobby, the tour ended with Mr. Harrington giving your a band-aid thinking that would help and all of the students were pushed onto the bus.

You were bothering Peter with questions asking if he’s ok, “What about your glasses? How bad is your vision? Does your head hurt? My head would hurt hen I couldn’t see.” You looked over at Peter who sat down in his seat and was tapping his foot.

That question took him off guard, his vision was perfect, like he had contacts in. “I can see just fine, but what about you? How’s your cut” He reached for your hand and looked at you. The cut had stopped bleeding but the cut still looked sore.

“At least we have matching cuts now, hows yours?” You reached for his hand, you saw no cut so you looked at the other, also no cut, “didn’t you get cut too?” 

“I thought i did, maybe it just grazed me, and not enough to actually hurt me. You should probably rest, you fell pretty bad.”

“Your the one that got bit with by the spider I should be asking about you, i’m surprised you aren’t freaking out that a spider was on your hand.” 

“Don’t worry about me I’m fine, do you wanna listen to music?” Peter held up an ear bud and you nodded taking it.

Truth be told everything was too much for Peter, it was like he could feel everything. He felt like he just had 10 red-bulls mixed with 20 cups of coffee. He tried his best to ignore what was going on and sleep but he soon learned he could never ignore what was going on with him.

~~

When Peter thought he got these powers, he did nothing with them, sure he used them to his advantage, maybe to show off at the schools weight room, but other then that he didn’t. If anything his powers made him more confident with himself, he thought that maybe this was a sigh that if he could get powers, he could ask you out.

But all of that changed when we saw Uncle Ben die.

Peter started to be more closed off, he overworked himself to the bone. 

As he started to become Spider-Man, in the process he was losing Peter Parker. 

Peter lost some of the few friends that he had. His friend circle mainly consisted of you, Ned, and MJ. He only saw MJ at decathlon practice and lunch, Ned and him still had their playdates with building legos but he was clearly not as cheerful. 

And with you, he started to text you less and less. You were there when he lost his parents but he was not 6 anymore. He understood death more than anyone else, he saw death happen right before his eyes. You thought that he just wanted some space, maybe you reminded him of him when his parent died. But it got to the point where you were starting to lose your best friend.

You stoped walking to school together, and it hurt. Although you would never admit this to anyone, you felt as though you were losing a part of yourself. Peter was your other half, you completed each other, or thats what you used to think.

You decided to throw yourself into your hobbies. You were trying your best to forget about Peter. Maybe he just outgrew you. Maybe he didn’t need you.

But you need him.

And you hate needing someone. 

But Peter felt the same way. When he decided to become Spider-man, he wanted to make sure no one would get hurt from it. And he even made a costume that would hide his identity. 

And it was far from good looking.

“Peter dude come on you love her! You’re gonna lose her if you keep pushing her away!” Ned was on the phone with Peter, he didn’t know what was going on with him, no one did. He just wanted his friend to be happy, and thats why him and MJ devised a plan. 

“Y/n come on I know you are sick and tired of not talking to Peter! I even think you like him!” MJ yelled on the phone. “You need to talk to him it’s destroying you.”

“She’s the one who’s pushing me away! Im just respecting her wants!” Peter yelled back.

“MJ you’re not listening! You need to realize that Peter grew out of me! He does not want to see me and I don’t know why! I don’t want to hurt him anymore than what i apparently did!”

MJ and Ned had a whole script planned out. They knew how to push you both just right so that you would fall onto the trap. 

“Peter just listen to me! When you next see her confess your feelings! If she does not feel the same you will get closure and nothing else will really change from whats going on! You need to talk to someone with whats going on with you. Tell her everything” Ned delivered the final push, almost done then we can get our friend group back he and Mj thought.

“Y/N! Go find Peter and get your closure! Please, if not for you do it for him! You know how he’s acting weird and you are the only one that can get him to open up! SO GO DOWN ON YOUR FIRE ESCAPE AND KNOCK ON HIS WINDOW AND CONFRONT HIM! NOW!”

“Fine Ned, next time I see her, I’ll tell her.”

“Fine I’ll go see him, bye”

And with that everyone hung up on their separate phone calls. 

You climbed out of your window and onto the fire escape. It was weird how even though you lived so close together you felt so far apart.

You climbed down one, and looked inside. He was walking around his room, being all stressed, which for some reason was relaxing to you. 

You knocked, nothing, so you opened the window and fell into his room with a big thump. “ow”

“Y/N? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU OK?” Peter rushed over to you helping your get up.

“Yes I’m fine Peter but what is wrong with you?” You didn’t mean to sound harsh, but you needed to be. “Why did you stop hanging out with me?” You looked up to him and finally met his eyes. It was refreshing to see him, anytime either one of you caught a glimpse of the other, you ran. “Why did you stop being my best friend?” You voice was quiet now, you didn’t want Peter to know that your voice was cracking. 

It really broke Peter, he was just trying to protect you, but in the end - as cringe as it sounds - he just pushed you away. 

“You seem completely different, you’re not even wearing your glasses anymore. And fuck Peter I just miss you and your dorky glasses. Did you meet someone? Did you get a girlfriend? Did she not like that we were close?” You were just spitting out whatever came to mind, and this scenario was one you were thinking of all the time.

Peter jumped back at your words, “What no! I would never want to date someone if it ment that I could never see you again.” 

Just tell her everything Peter thought about Ned’s words. Everything was a lot. How is he suppose to answer this, just spit it out?

Might as well start with the basics, “I’m Spider-man” Peter blurted out.

“What, you mean like you have a crush on him? Peter thats nothing to be embarrassed of, you know you can talk to me, you know i go both wa-”

“NO I MEAN LIKE I, PETER PARKER, AM SPIDER-MAN!” Peter shouted. Honestly it felt good to say it out loud the first time and he just wanted someone to know. And what better person than you.

“So in the month that you have been isolated from me thats your best excuse you could come up with?” You were appalled by his unbelievable excuse.

“I swear please believe me, like ummmmm HERE” Peter got his ‘suit’ from the  space in his ceiling and gave it to you. “Thats my suit.”

“you and every other fanboy has this.”

“What about... this!” Peter went over to you a picked up. 

“what the fuck put me down!” You did not look impressed, Peter was looking around to see how he could prove to you that he was not lying. 

“Remember that day we went to oscorp and how you questioned Osborn and when you fell?” You nodded, it was your last time you really hung out with him, how could you not? “I got bit by the spider and they were doing radioactive testing on it, which caused me to be well... spider-man.”

Then an idea sprung in his head, he quickly move past you and went on the fire escape and you followed. “Here, if this does not prove it, nothing will.” Peter jumped onto the railing with one hand on the wall.

“Peter what the fuck you’re gonna get yourself killed please I just want you to be honest with me and talk” You reached for Peter but he jumped off the railing and towards the wall and somehow... did not fall and stuck to it?

“Peter what the fuck?”

“now do you believe me?”

“If i say yes will you come back inside?” Peter nodded, “then yes i believe you”

Peter jumped on the side of the building and back onto the fire escape and you pushed him inside and you followed behind him. 

“So since you really are spider-man, why were you so distant?” You finally asked. You were now sitting on opposite ends of his bed, and you were hugging and pillow trying to explode with everything you just learned. Peter fucking parker was spider-man? Nerdy little parker saving everyone, stoping cars with just his body, and defeating criminals? But, he did just stick to the side of his building, thats pretty damn good proof.  Your Peter Parker was Spider-man, the spider-man. 

You thought this was just a dream but you didn’t want to wake up because that would mean Peter and you were still not talking.

“I wanted to protect everyone around me. When Ben died,” Peter took a breath and you reached over to squeeze his hand, “When Ben died, I had my powers but I did not do anything. I could of saved him, but i chose not to. So I decided I would become Spider-man so no one else would get hurt. And if anyone found out that you knew spider-man you would be in danger. So i thought if i pushed the people closest to me away, they wouldn’t get hurt.”

It was all too much for you to process. You felt terrible for feeling angry at him when he was saving lives. 

“Why were you so distant from me?” Peter looked back up towards you and it was a fair question you both avoided one another.

“I thought I reminded you of your parents deaths. Other than Aunt May, I am the one person that has been in your life since their death and I thought you didn’t want to see me because of it. I also wanted to give you space to grieve.” You felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders by telling him. It was calming. “I also didn’t want to hurt you more, so i thought i would wait for you to open up to me like we normally do, but i should not have been so relaxed about all of this. I just didn’t want to ruin what we had” You took one last deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

You glanced up toward Peter and he leaned in and kissed you. It was shocking at first, it took you a second to process what was going on but then you felt light as you melted into the kiss. You felt as though you two were the only ones left in the world. 

Peter pulled back to take a breath, “Ned told me to confess my feelings towards you. I’m sorry I didn’t me to spring it on you-” Peter was interrupted by you hugging him, rapping your arms around his waist and your face on his stomach. 

“I feel the same way, Pete. Just please, I don’t want to do that ever again.” Peter at this point was now hugging you back. You missed this, but there was also something knew, and it made you smile.

“I never will, I promise y/n”

[moldisgoodforyou]

YES THEM REMINISCING ON THEIR “hatred” and how far they came would just be chefs kiss

you got it 😌

warning: cursing, underage drinking, mentions of a fight

wordcount 2.7k

_____

Over Christmas break, after another high school reunion party, Rafe and Sophie were both tipsy and giggly as they made their way up to Rafe’s room. It was already made pretty clear at Sophie’s house that ‘sleepovers’ of any kind with Rafe weren’t allowed, so she had to lie and tell her parents she was staying with a friend. “Soph, shh!” He admonished, practically dragging her upstairs as she tripped over her feet.  

“S’not my fault!” She argued, pushing his hands away again as he tried to help. Finally they made it up to his room and both fell onto the bed, curling up into each other. “Hey, Rafe.” She whispered, grinning. 

“Hey what.” He pulled her close, hands automatically going to play with her hair. “I like you.” She hummed, pressing her head into his touch. He laughed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I like you too. Hey, the boys and I were talking tonight, about us in high school, and they reminded me of something.” 

Sophie scowled. “Probably not a good thing then.” 

“No, no. Remember when you got in that fight in high school?” She paused, turning to face him. “Wasn’t really a fight, but yeah.” He glanced over her to gauge her expression. “That wasn’t over me. Right?”

She shrugged, trying to stay casual even though a blush betrayed her. “No? I mean, I wouldn’t say it was over you, technically.”

He grinned. “Soph, you didn’t.”

“Hm. Might have.”

“Tell me.”

______

“He’s a fucking idiot. Too easy.” Alexandra giggled in the locker room to her friends, applying lip gloss after their gym class. It was senior year and there was a big party planned at the Cameron’s house for the weekend. She had been discussing her plans to hook up with Rafe and then ditch him for the past fifteen minutes, and Sophie had had enough.

A strange feeling bubbled up inside her and Sophie swung open her locker with more force than necessary, the clang echoing around the room. “He’s not.” 

Alexandra raised a cool eyebrow, glancing her way. “Did you say something, Flint?”

“He’s not an idiot.”  Sophie repeated, a little clearer. 

“Oh, honey. He’s not here to hear you standing up for him, you know that? Even Cameron wouldn’t sleep with you.” Alexandra taunted, rolling her eyes. 

Sophie certainly didn’t like Rafe, but she didn’t mind him. And he wasn’t an idiot by any means - he held his own against her fairly well, and she respected the hell out of that. (Although she’d never, ever, admit it to his face.) 

“I’ve never considered that, but thanks for the heads up.” She retorted dryly. 

That was a lie. She’d considered it far too many times. Thought about what his lips might feel like against hers, his big hands gripping her hips, his -

“Earth to Sophie.” Alexandra rudely interrupted her thoughts, laughing when Sophie glanced over with a mildly confused expression. “Why do you care, anyways?” 

“He has feelings too, y’know. Would you like it if someone said use ‘em and lose ‘em about you?” Sophie frowned, lacing up her tennis shoes. 

“No one would ever say that about me.” Alexandra replied with a smug smile, then stepped into her heels that were about two inches too tall for the dress code. She couldn’t walk straight in them, and looked ridiculous, especially given the fact that it was an all-girls school and the only male she had to impress was the 28-year-old history teacher. (On second thought, maybe that did make sense.)

As she walked past, Sophie made a split-second decision and stuck her toe out just so, making Alexandra trip and fall to the concrete floor with a thud, her now-shattered cell phone clattering across the tile along with a couple broken nails. The two stared each other down for a second until Sophie smirked. “Oops.”  

Alexandra lunged first, yanking at Sophie’s ponytail. “You bitch!”  

It didn’t take long before the gym teacher came running out of her office, breaking the two girls up. Sophie had taken the brunt of it, a slap to the face and a few scratches down the arm, while she acted mainly in self-defense. (Mainly.)

The two were escorted to the office straight away, in silence. The principal was shocked to see Sophie in there, almost disbelieving of Alexandra’s sob story. “Miss Flint? Do you have anything to say for yourself?” 

“She deserved it.” Sophie muttered, clear as day. 

“Oh my god, she’s not even sorry!” Alexandra cried out, wiping away a few false tears.  

“Have you thought about joining theater, Alex? You seem to have a knack for  it.” Sophie shot her a faux-sweet smile, sarcasm dripping from her tone. 

“Girls.” The principal warned, shaking her head. “I have to say, I’m surprised...Sophie, I’ll have to give you a week’s worth of detention. Alexandra...” She sighed. “One day -”

“But she started it -”  

“One day.” She repeated firmly, and Sophie held back a smug look. “Violence at Greenville Academy, honestly. You two know better. Both of you, out.”  

Two days later, at the party, Sophie wore the bruise of Alexandra’s handprint with pride. She hadn’t bothered to cover the ugly purple mark with concealer, considering it a conversation starter instead. “Heard you got in a fight this week, Flint.” Rafe greeted her, reaching out to grip her chin lightly and get a better view. Sophie yanked her head back out of his touch. “Might have, what’s it to you?”  

He just grinned, smug as ever. “Didn’t think you were the type.” 

“Yeah, well, let it serve as a reminder of what I can do if you really piss me off.” She quipped, trying - and failing - to hide a shudder as she took a long sip of her mostly vodka-lemonade. 

“What happened?” 

“None of your business, asshole.” She tacked on the last word more out of nerves than anything, not wanting to be caught in a lie.

“M’ just asking, chill.” He raised his hands in defense, tone turning a little more sincere. “Just ‘cause - y’know. I heard I was involved.”  

Sophie took another long sip of her drink, cursing under her breath. Sarah. Of course she should have known, his little sister was in Sophie’s gym class and had the biggest mouth of anyone she knew. “You heard wrong, Cameron.” 

“Alright. Hey, Alexandra’s been flirting with me the whole party.” He changed the subject, testing her. “Think I should go for it?” 

“I’d rather not hear about your lackluster sex life in the locker room next week, so no, for my sake.” She retorted coolly, though her shoulders tensed up and jaw set a little at the thought of him in bed with Alexandra. 

He nodded, suspicions confirmed, then smirked. “I can prove to you it’s not lackluster, you know.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” She shot back, regretting it the second the words came out of her mouth. “Not like - I didn’t mean -” 

“Relax, Soph.” He grinned and reached out, gently tracing his thumb along her bruised cheek. “How about another time when you’re not hurting?”

She froze, resisting every single urge she had to lean into his touch or just take a tiny step forward and plant one on him. “Do you ever shut up?”

“I would if you’d make me.”

“Oh, fuck off.” She replied lamely, rolling her eyes and walking away.

_______

“I can’t believe you fought for my honor.” Rafe grinned, teasing her. Sophie was bright red now and shoved on his chest. “It was years ago, get over it. I wouldn’t do it now.” He gaped. “Soph! You would too!” 

“I wouldn’t! I’m not dumb enough to get in a fight, I’m 21.” She told him pointedly, knowing full well that Rafe would absolutely get in a fight at that age. He scowled. “I’d fight for you.” 

“You shouldn’t, I can’t see any good reason for you to.” She paused. “Besides, I stopped standing up for you after that.” 

He furrowed his brow. “Why?” 

“Because you made me cry after winter formal.” 

He tilted his head, confused. “Is that what Carter was talking about at Thanksgiving? I really don’t remember that.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause I didn’t want you to know.” She grinned, ultra-dramatic. “I was heartbroken.” 

He rolled his eyes and kissed her. “Remind me?”

_______

“Taking anyone to winter formal, Rafe?” Kelce asked him as they were out on the driving range at the golf course, a usual pastime for them. 

Sophie was two tees away, practicing hitting on her own - she didn’t miss the fact that Rafe positioned himself close enough to watch her, but enjoyed the attention and the low whistles almost every time she leaned over to hit the ball. She hated the actual sport of golf, and only played to spend time with her dad, but she found solace in the stress relief of just hitting 100 balls in a row.

“Not yet.” The dance was two weeks away, and Rafe had been teasing Sophie about coming with him for a month now. “Hey, Soph!” 

She ignored him, pulling back for a swing until she felt him grab the end of her club in mid-air. She cursed under her breath and turned on her heel, indignant. “Jesus, Rafe, I could have knocked you out cold.”  

“Doubt it, your swing’s not strong enough.” 

She huffed and stepped closer, toe-to-toe with him - responding just as he’d hoped she would. “Would you like me to test that theory?”

“Leave her alone, Rafe!” Kelce called out, annoyed the two had found a way to fight again. 

He grinned. “Just thought I’d stop by and ask about your plans for the winter formal. You’d look pretty on my arm, you know.” 

"Do you get off on being rejected, Rafe?” She questioned dryly. 

“You’re gonna entertain the thought one day. Mark my words.” He let go of her club and stepped back, giving her room to hit again. 

Sophie rolled her eyes and extended her club just enough to poke him in the ass as he walked away. “In your dreams, Cameron.”

That banter continued right up until three days before formal. Sophie had rejected two invitations, one from a friend and one from a boy who actually showed interest in her. Secretly, she was hoping Rafe might come around and ask her for real - because the last ten times were just teasing, right? 

She was sorely mistaken when her friend on the track team at the time, Ashley, called her eagerly that night. “Sophie you’ll never guess who just asked me to the dance!” Ashley squealed into the phone.

“Landon finally worked up the nerve?” Sophie asked. 

“What? No. Rafe asked me! Rafe Cameron!”

Sophie’s mouth went dry and she was thankful she was receiving the news on the phone, not in person where she’d have to hide her reaction. “Oh. That’s, um, that’s awesome, Ash.” 

Ashley launched into a dreamy speech about how excited she was and Rafe said he’d match his tie to her dress and Sophie wouldn’t start anything when they went to dinner, right, and - “Sophie.” 

“What? Oh, sorry, my dad was calling my name.” She lied quickly, forcing a smile so it’d come through in her tone. 

“Who are you bringing?” 

“Ah...Ben.” Sophie decided quickly, and hoped to god Ben was still available. He was Rafe’s basketball teammate, and practically his sworn enemy, and fine, maybe that was exactly the reason she chose Ben. 

“Seriously?” The puzzlement was obvious in Ashley’s tone. “Have you two been talking?” 

“Here and there.” Sophie confirmed vaguely, already regretting her lie. “So Rafe’s coming to the whole thing, then? Pictures and dinner before, the afterparty at yours?” 

“Yeah, of course!” Ashley gushed. 

Sophie tried to ignore the knot forming in her stomach. “Awesome. Hey, I gotta knock out my math homework, but we can talk about it at school tomorrow?” 

“Oh yeah, for sure. Talk later!”  

As soon as the phone clicked off, Sophie fell back onto her bed with a groan. “Fucking hell.” She gave herself a solid two minutes of wallowing before calling Ben, putting on her flirtiest voice, and asking him to formal. He accepted right away. God, men are so fucking easy, she thought to herself. Except when they aren’t. 

The look on Rafe’s face was absolutely priceless when she strolled into the country club, head held high, hand-in-hand with Ben. “Surprised he didn’t ask you.” Ben murmured into Sophie’s ear, making a show of it just to piss Rafe off. “What do you mean?” She whispered back, stomach turning in knots at his proximity. “Kinda figured you two were a thing, given how often he talks about you in the locker room.” Ben shrugged. “But I’m glad you’re here with me instead.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” Sophie replied weakly, giving Rafe an overly polite nod of acknowledgment. Rafe nodded back, and that was the extent of their communication for the night. 

Until the party. 

Sophie was four drinks in, way too much for her low tolerance, when she found Rafe alone in the kitchen. “What the fuck, Rafe?” 

He turned around, amused. “Hello to you too, Soph.” 

“You brought Ashley to the dance?” She accused, foot slipping on a spilled drink as she strode closer. He caught her by the waist, then quickly moved his hand to her arm instead as he steadied her. “Yeah. What’s it to you?” 

“Thought you were going to ask me.” She wasn’t nearly drunk enough to be making such brazen statements, but figured if he called her out, she could pretend to be hammered.  

He raised his eyebrows, caught off guard as he pulled her a little closer. “Never thought that was an option.”

“Maybe if you actually tried to be sincere for once, it could be.” They were way too close to be comfortable, but everything felt overwhelmingly right, Sophie decided. He leaned in an inch more so their foreheads touched, breath intermingling. She tilted her head up - just slightly - until - 

“Sophie!” Ben called out and the two sprang apart like the same poles on a magnet. Ben wandered into the kitchen, grinning, two shots in hand. “There you are - oh.” His voice instantly fell flat as he took in the situation, Sophie’s flushed face and Rafe’s angry expression at the interruption. “Were you two...?” He gestured sloppily with the shots, tequila spilling to the floor. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sophie snapped without a second thought. “I was just grabbing another drink.” She lifted her near-empty beer, and Rafe bit hard on the inside of his cheek to stay impassive. “Watch your hands around my girl, Cameron.” Ben joked, still wary of what he had walked in on. 

Sophie wrinkled her nose. “I’m not your girl, Ben, this was just a one-time thing.” She informed him, strolling past him and out of the kitchen with a huff. Ben watched with a slack jaw, completely confused, and set the shots on the counter. “What just...”

Rafe smirked. “She does that. Kinda her thing.”

“Sure you two didn’t..?” Ben asked. Rafe just shrugged. 

Once Ben left, going after Sophie, Rafe cursed and slammed his palm to the countertop. Sophie’s instant dismissal of the situation stung him more than he expected. Then he did what any rational seventeen-year-old boy would do - he took the two tequila shots, no chaser, and immediately set out to go make out with Ashley - right in Sophie’s line of sight. 

She retaliated, of course, by getting more drunk and making out with Ben on the opposite side of the party, willing herself to ignore the sloppy way his tongue tried to force its way down her throat. After a few minutes, she pushed away from Ben. “I’m gonna go - I need some air.” 

“I’ll come.” Ben volunteered. She shook her head quickly, pushing him away with a hand on his face. “No, it’s fine, I’m fine. Um, I’ll see you later.” He frowned, confused, but let her go. She passed by Rafe as she went, texting her brother Carter a very poorly-written drunk message to come pick her up. “Real classy, Soph.” 

“Fuck you, Cameron.” She shot back, doing her best not to cry as she made her way to the front. 

___ 

Rafe frowned, returning to play with her hair as she finished the story from her perspective. “I don’t remember that. I made out with your friend? You’re sure?” 

Sophie rolled her eyes. “I’m sure. And then I swore to myself I’d never give you the time of day.” 

He grinned. “But I’m just too irresistible, right?” 

“Oh, yeah, that’s totally it.”

[obxlife]

Firsts (Topper x Reader)

A/N: Okay so this is my first Topper request and tbh kind of nervous to post this lol. I decided to do it with both fluff and smut but I made the smut cute because it’s like the first time they have sex and what not so… yeah lol. I had to come up with a cute date and like bro, I’ve never been on a date before so I had NO clue what I was doing but whatever. 

Pairing: Topper x Reader

Word count: 3,870

Request: I was wondering if you could maybe write a smut fluff (or just fluff if you're not comfortable with smut) of y/n and a post-redemption Topper after their first time together and like the cute date that goes beforehand maybe pretty please?😊 I just think that would be very adorable.

Summary: You and Topper had found solace in each other after John B’s and Sarah’s disappearance. After months of hanging out together, it’s your first date. You’re nervous and excited, and you can’t believe how the date ends (sorry I suck at summaries)

Warnings: FLUFF at first and then SMUT (but it’s vanilla mostly lol). Loss of virginity and fingering. Also, I think swearing. THIS IS A POST REDEMPTION TOPPER FIC SO HAVE THIS INFORMATION IN MIND WHEN READING

FIRSTS

After John B and Sarah disappeared, everybody’s world seemed to fall apart. 

This included yours, mainly because you had secretly been in love with John B your whole life. You had grown up together, which was something given due to the fact that you were next-door neighbors. JJ had tagged along to your friendship soon enough, and then Pope and Kie. 

So, yes, the night they went missing and were presumed dead, you thought it was the end of your life. John B, your best friend and the boy you had fallen in love with, was gone.

The months after their disappearance the Pogues fell apart. We didn’t know how to be together without John B. We didn’t know what our friendship meant without John B. We didn’t know ourselves without John B.

And so you returned to being a loner just as you had been when you were small, before you met John. During those lonely months, you would lounge around the beach and the forest surrounding your house.

Being alone was peaceful but hurtful at the same time. You missed having people around you, and you missed sharing laughs and jokes with the Pogues. However, you liked how silent it was, and how you didn’t have to ignore JJ’s dirty innuendos or Kie’s rants about the planet. 

One day, about six months after your friends’ disappearance, your peaceful bubble was broken. Topper stumbled upon your frame, perched on top of a fallen tree, on the beach. You hadn’t heard him at first, too focused on the crashing of the waves upon the sand. But then he spoke. 

“Hey,” he muttered softly. Startled, you sat up, almost falling from the trunk you were laid upon. You turned your eyes towards Topper and glared, not really liking him. However, your eyes softened when you realized he looked eerily similar to you. His eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark bags while his skin was pale. His frosted tips were darker than usual, indicating that he hadn’t been out much. 

“Hey,” you muttered uncomfortably. Your voice sounded hoarse and scratchy, which surprised you. You hadn’t spoken to someone in so long that you had forgotten what your voice sounded like. 

Topper took a seat beside you, jumping onto the tree trunk. Your legs were down towards the ground, while your hands were right before your pelvic bone. You noticed you were twiddling your thumbs, which you normally did around John B when you were nervous. Was Topper making you nervous?

You forced your fingers to stay still.

“You look just as bad as me,” he muttered out with a soft smile, finding your pain humorous. 

You nodded, biting your lips. You didn’t know what to say or how to reply. 

“Do you think they’re alive?”

You shook your head. Topper sighed at your answer. “Yeah, me neither.”

You both stayed silent for a while, basking in each other’s presence. It was weird to be around someone again, especially since that someone was Topper. It was weird because you didn’t hate him as the rest of friends did. You found him to simply be troubled. He had been cheated on by Sarah, and he had been trying to deal with those feelings when she had disappeared. You also knew from Kie (who you had spoken to about four months ago) that Topper had helped them escape from the burning church the night before they disappeared. 

You thought Topper was misunderstood. Much like you felt right now.

“Hey,” you spoke out softly. “I’m sorry about the shit you were put through. From Sarah and from us.”

Topper nodded. “I probably deserved it.”

You shook your head. He really didn’t deserve it. “I’m still sorry.”

You both fell silent again. Sharing your pain with Topper was oddly comforting, even if you weren’t speaking. 

Soon enough, you found yourself meeting Topper at the beach every day. He was a lot more fun than you had ever imagined him to be, and you felt that, little by little, you were helping each other be okay again. He began to invite you to his house and his boat and you couldn’t help but agree to go along, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible. 

During the sunset of one of your many days together he kissed you. You hadn’t been speaking much, but he had gained your attention which caused you to look into his eyes. He was different than when you had seen him for the first time all those months ago on the beach. His hair was frosted again and his skin was tan and he looked happy. You felt you had changed in a similar way to him as well. 

And so he leaned forward and he kissed you. And it was everything you had ever felt for John B and so much more. He was gentle and soft and kind and it was a perfect first kiss. You wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. 

Exactly two days later, Topper asked you out on a date. You, of course, had to say yes. 

Which brought you to where you were now. Nervous and with no idea as to what to wear. You didn’t have nice clothes and you didn’t think anything would be up to par with where Topper was going to take you. 

You were startled by your phone ringing. You reached out to it and smiled at Topper’s name across the screen before panicking. 

“You’re here already? I thought you said five!” you exclaimed nervously.

Topper laughed. “No, no. I just had to let you know that you shouldn’t worry about your clothes. I’m not taking you anywhere that’s too Kooky yet.”

“What do you mean?” you voiced out. You thought you were going to a fancy restaurant. 

“Just get dressed, Y/N,” Topper stressed out. “And don’t worry about what you need to wear. You look great in everything.”

And then he hung up. His help had made you decide that you were going to wear the exact same outfit in which you had met him (which was one of your favorite outfits because it made your butt look good). After putting all of your clothes on, you moved towards your bathroom, brushing your hair and your teeth. Then you picked up what was left of your mother’s makeup.

Your mother had died two years ago, and you had never shown much interest in makeup. At lost not as much as she did. You never got the chance to learn how to do your makeup as your mother would do hers, and now that she had passed away and you actually wanted to learn, but you didn’t have anyone to teach you. You wanted to feel closer to your mother and know how to do your makeup, but that was a battle for another time. For now, you only coated your eyelashes in mascara (after curling them, of course. You weren’t that lost).

Satisfied with how you looked, you turned towards your front door and checked the time on your phone. It wasn’t five yet. 

Your nerves were consuming you. You had never been on a date before and you had no idea what to expect. All you wanted was for it to be perfect. 

Time seemed to be ticking by a lot slower than you were used to, and your heart was beating so fast inside of your chest that you thought you might have a heart attack. You had nothing to distract yourself, and all you wanted was to not be nervous. That was obviously impossible.

You heard a car pull up outside, and you ran out towards the door. Flinging it open, you saw Topper’s car, just as he was hopping out of the driver’s seat. In his hands was a single sunflower, which made you smile. You went out to reach him, pulling him into a hug and breathing in his scent. He smelled of his cologne. 

“Hi,” you said once you had pulled away from him. He smiled down at you and quickly pecked your lips. 

“Hey,” he removed his hands from your body and gave you the flower in his hand. He smiled as you took it. You grabbed onto his hand and dragged him inside with you, where you placed the flower into a tall glass. You didn’t own any vases.

With that, you both went outside and hopped into his car. Revving his engine, you took off down the street. 

“Where are you going?” you asked impatiently and giddily, ready to have your first date. Your nerves had died down a little now that your hand was in Topper’s.

“I can’t tell you. I just know you’re going to like it.”

You pouted at him, causing him to laugh a little. Instead of forcing it out of him, you tuned towards your window and opened it, letting the breeze drift through your hair. You closed your eyes.

You hadn’t realized that you had arrived until Topper squeezed your hand. Opening your hand and turning towards the building in front of you, you read ‘Go-Kart Center’.

“No way!” you said, turning towards Topper and hugging him. You had mentioned you had never gone Go-Karting a couple of months ago, and you had expressed that it was something you really wanted to try. 

“You like it?” Topper asked while unlocking the car and pushing his door open. 

“I love it!” you spoke out, excited to finally try something new. Topper was happy that he had made you smile the way you were smiling. He loved that he was the one that made your day brighter because he felt like you did the same for him. He loved that he could be the one to 

He grabbed onto your hand and dragged you into the building and up to the front counter, paying for fifteen rounds around the pit. 

After that, you moved towards the helmets, placing a hair net over your head before fastening them on. You followed the instructions given by the workers of the pit to sit in the first two carts, and revving your engines. Once on the start line, you and Topper raced off.

You turned towards the left twice before passing under a bridge, speeding past Topper and turning to the right, where you pressed your foot down on the accelerator. The road between the stacked wheels went straight for about fifty feet and then turned towards the right. Before you was the bridge you had passed under just a few moments ago, which you passed quickly before landing at its other side. Turning towards the right you noticed a sharp left turn that would leave you at the beginning of the track. You pressed your foot on the accelerator again, not wanting Topper to pass you.

Around and around the pit you went, crashing into the wheels on the side of the tracks and passing each other. Your laughs and screams of joy could be heard through the whole pit, and the workers covered their ears. You didn’t care.

Once you both finished, you headed towards the counter to receive your stats sheets.

“Looks like I beat you by 0.32 seconds, Y/N,” Topper exclaimed, puffing his chest out a bit. You pouted, causing him to wrap his hands around your body and kiss the top of your head. 

You looked down at the stat sheet and smiled. “I had the fastest lap speed, though!”

Topper nodded and laughed, grabbing onto the pieces of paper and turning you towards the ramp in the back of the room that led to the second floor of the vicinity. Once you arrived at the top you noticed a small bar-like restaurant that served fries and drinks.

You and Topper took a seat at the bar and ordered some fries and two glasses of coke. Then you turned towards each other, a giddy smile on your lips and a soft one on his. 

“Did you like it?” he asked you, nervous at what you would answer. He knew what you would say, but he was still nervous.

You nodded your head vigorously while munching on a couple of fries. He smiled at you, glad about the results that appeared on your face.

Soon after this, you left the building and hopped back into Topper’s car. The drive back to your house was quiet, but your hands were never apart. The smile on your face seemed to be etched there permanently.

Topper pulled up outside of your house and a smirk crossed over your face when you realized that your father was not home. Turning towards Topper, you asked, “Do you want to come inside for a bit?”

He nodded, stepping out of the car and going around to your side. You walked towards the door together and opened it, pulling Topper inside. You led him to the couch where you plopped down and smiled at him. 

“What?” he asked you. You shook your head in disbelief at how lucky you were.

“Nothing,” you muttered. “I’m just so lucky to have you.”

You pressed your lips to his, smiling a little into it. His hands came around to hold your waist and your hands moved against his body as well. One was wrapped behind the back of his neck and the other was pressed flat against his chest.

What had started out as soft and innocent quickly became more fast-paced and desperate. You pushed your body closer to him, even though that was probably impossible, and opened your mouth to let his tongue enter it. Your fingers fumbled a little trying to open his button-up shirt, nervous at what you had in mind. 

You were ready. You wanted to have sex with him and lose your virginity to him. He had been everything to you ever since you had bumped into each other at the beach all those months ago, and you were glad to be giving in to him. 

You opened his shirt and pushed it down his shoulders while his hands moved to tug you onto his lap, straddling him. Your hands pressed against his skin before you disconnected your mouth from his and moved down towards his neck. You weren’t really sure what you were doing so you followed your instincts. You smirked when you heard him moan, meaning you were doing things right. 

Topper’s hands had left your waist and began to slip under your shirt and towards the middle of your back. The pressure near your ribs made you pull back from him, and you noticed the question he was asking with his eyes. As a response, you removed your shirt and tossed it near his. His orbs moved down to your chest, where your bra was the only thing keeping you covered. Feeling a bit self-conscious you moved towards him again, kissing his lips and making his hands fall over your body again. They snaked around you and slithered up and down until they finally came to rest on your breasts. He squeezed them softly, earning a soft gasp from you. They stayed there, kneading them softly until the moved towards your back again, unclasping your last piece of clothing in your torso. 

Topper looked at you, making sure this was all okay. You nodded and let the bra slide down your arms before you crossed your arms over your body. 

“No,” Topper whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

As gently as he could he removed your hands from across your body and stared in awe at what was before him. Leaning down he attached his mouth to your nipple making you moan and throw your head back. Raking your fingers through his hair, you brought him up to your lips to kiss him shortly before letting his mouth wander across your body. His hands were now at the waistband of your shorts in the middle of your back. You felt yourself become wet with anticipation at what you wanted to do, but you felt something nagging in your insides.

Pulling away, you blurted, “I’m a virgin.”

Topper moved back, eyes wide. He didn’t know what to do. Did you want him to stop? You probably did. “That’s okay. I can wait.”

You shook your head at his misunderstanding. “No, Topper. I want to, but I wanted to let you know, too.”

Topper nodded, smiling at the fact that you trusted him enough to take this from you. “Okay,” he muttered before kissing you again. He returned to the slow pace from before, softly making his way to your neck and placing a hand at the waistband of your shorts.

“I’m going to take this off. Is that okay?”

You nodded your head as he unbuttoned your shorts. Topper removed you from his body so that he could slide them down your legs, marveling at how wet you looked through your panties. He hooked his fingers around your underwear, pressing a kiss right above them and staring up at you. You nodded again, nervous.

He slid them off your body and almost began to salivate at what he saw. He pressed you down onto his body again before saying, “Don’t you want to move to your bed?”

You bit your lip. He stood up, his hands on your waist, and he led you to where he thought your bedroom was. Once he was there he closed the door and pressed you against it. He pushed himself close to you and kissed you again. Your hands roamed his body, across his shoulders, back, abs, everything. You couldn’t get enough of him.

His hands began to travel south until they motioned your legs to open a little. He pulled away from you again, but this time, just enough so he could press his forehead to your own. “I’m going to have to help you before to can take me. Is that fine?”

You nodded eagerly, wanting him to do something - anything - to your body. With your confirmation, he wasted no time to kiss your neck again and slip a finger between your folds. The hickeys he was leaving were going to surely be prominent tomorrow, and his fingers circling around your clit made you shiver. You moaned out loud, and you felt Topper smirk against your skin. He then slipped a finger into you, bringing a little of pain along with the pleasure. You winced a bit but relaxed when your body had accommodated to its size. Topper curled it just a bit so that it hit a spot that made you expel lewd noises from within. He added another finger, going through the same process as before. You would wince a little at first but the grow used to the feeling and enjoy it. He was pumping them into you softly, but he was quickly gaining speed and strength in each thrust. 

You felt your insides tense, almost as if there was something accumulating itself right where Topper’s fingers were hitting. You moaned out loudly, feeling your body release around his fingers. Your legs trembled and shook as Topper held you up, smiling down at you. He kissed you and removed his fingers from your body. He licked your juices off.

“God, you taste good. But we’ll leave that for another time.”

Still hilding your trembling body he moved you towards the bed, where he softly placed you down and shook his shorts off. Through his boxers, you could see how big he was, and you felt nervous again.

Noticing the panicky look in your eyes, Topper leaned down and gave you a short, soft, and sweet kiss. 

“You’ll be fine. And we’ll stop if you want to.”

You nodded, understanding what he wanted to say. Topper removed his boxers, letting his member spring out. You tried to calm your breathing at the anticipation of what was to come.

“You have a condom, right?” you asked him. Topper froze before shaking his head. You smiled at him, knowing that this was a possibility and instructed him to go into your bathroom and open the first drawer.

You had condoms because your dad had bought them for you. It had been awkward and weird, but now you were grateful he was so adamant about you being protected at all times.

Topper cam back into the room, rolling the condom onto his penis. He laid on top off you, holding your right hand in his left and caressing your waist with his other free one. He smiled and kissed you before pulling away. His thumbs rubbed circles into your body. “You ready?”

You nodded at him. Topper reached down and lined himself before pulling into you as gently as he could. The wince that escaped your lips pained him and the tears that were surrounding your eyes made him almost want to stop. However, he felt you pushing him into yourself. He remained still, waiting for you to adjust.

“Okay,” you whispered out. “You can move now.”

And so Topper did. Slowly at first and then he began to gain speed once he heard you moan. He smiled at the fact that you were enjoying this just as much as he was, and he pushed into you a little harsher than before. He felt himself come closer o the edge, and staring down at you, he realized that you were as well. Your eyes were rolled back a little and your mouth was open, letting mewls escape every once in a while from your boy. Topper’s grunts fell into perfect harmony with them, just like the noise of his body slapping against yours. 

“Top, I’m - I -” you tried to speak, but the pleasure was too much. You were clenching around him, giving him the idea that you were about to come undone. 

And you did. Your last final moan was louder than before and Topper followed you soon after, his orgasm making him stop his movements and bury himself deep inside you.

His hand was still clenching yours when he fell on top of you, your pants now filling the air. After a few moments, Topper pulled out of you and discarded the condom in your bathroom. When he went back to your room he noticed you in the same spot, panting and with an astonishing facial expression. 

“Was I that good?” he joked cockily. He didn’t expect you to reply, but you nodded your head.

He laughed a little at your reaction, causing you to smile and turn to look at him. You grabbed his arms and pulled him towards your body, before snuggling into him. Topper wrapped himself around you and tugged the covers over your bodies. 

“Thank you,” you muttered, grateful at everything the boy had given - and taken - from you recently. He kissed the top of your head in reply, noticing how sleepy and rained you looked from your previous activities. 

Topper smiled, watching you drift away before closing his own eyes. He was glad he got be all of your firsts and more glad at the fact that, even if you weren’t his firsts, he felt even better than when they had actually happened.

[allornothing496]

My Home

You find yourself being forced to take a vacation and upon arrival, meet a handsome and nice man, Jackson. He breaks down your barriers and makes you feel like no one has ever done before. 

Warnings: none

Pairing: Jackson Wang x reader

Word Count: 3k+

                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had no idea how you’d ended up on this plane against your will. Actually, you did know, your best friends, Jaebum and Yugyeom had seen how stressed out you were at work and decided to book you a vacation. In another country. When you still had pending work to do.

What you didn't know was why you'd agreed to their plan. Especially with such short notice of the flight. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun, you need to relax,” Jaebum said, trying to calm you down. Him and Yugyeom had just broken the news that they had booked you a vacation without your knowledge and you were trying really hard not to throw your shoe at them. 

“Yeah, hyung’s right, you’ve been really busy and honestly, you’re scary when you’re stressed,” Yugyeom said, grimacing as you turned your piercing glare on him. 

“I don't have time to vacation at some beach paradise...resort, I have work to do. You know the company needs me right now,” you tried to keep your voice level so your colleagues outside of your office wouldn't know what happened, but it was getting increasingly difficult.

“Other people work here and it’s literally their job to get work done. And seriously, you have Mark to look after the company while you’re not here. We already asked him if it would be fine for the company if you took a vacation and he was totally for it,” Jaebum said in his soothing voice. “You deserve a break.”

You visibly simmered and Jaebum took a worried step back, as though you had started to steam around the edges. Well, you were definitely mad enough to be. Yugyeom quickly thrust a candle under your nose and you glared at him. 

“Get that away from me, it’s not going to work and I’m not going to go,” you said, pushing the candle into Yugyeom’s chest. Honestly what was the man thinking, that a little peach and pomegranate scent would calm you down when your company was at stake. Okay, maybe you were exaggerating just a bit. The company would survive...and maybe, just maybe, a vacation was what you needed. You had been drowning in work for the past two months and had been working long hours everyday, even weekends.

“Okay, finnne...I’ll go, but only because Mark’s such a competent employee, not because of you two or anything,” you glared at them again but it was half-hearted. Jaebum and Yugyeom both breathed sighs of relief. “When do I go?”

“Umm...your flight might be in an hour,” Yugyeom said in a squeaky voice. You could see Jaebum slowly moving back. Probably to escape your fury. You simply looked at Yugyeom and without thinking twice, pulled off your shoe and threw it at his chest. 

“Noona! Ouch, I’m sorry,” Yugyeom furiously rubbed at his arm where the high heeled shoe had hit him. 

Jaebum chuckled. “You have really bad aim, did you know that?”

“Do you want me to practice on you?” you asked him furiously, picking up your shoe from where it had fallen. 

“No, no, yaahh...stoppp,” Jaebum squealed, running away from you as you brandished your shoe at him. 

You considered asking the two for help with packing but quickly shook the idea out of your head, they would only cause more trouble and probably lay waste to your entire apartment while they had the chance. You sighed and put your shoe back on, and Jaebum and Yugyeom let out sighs of relief.

You got off at the airport and made your way outside. Jaebum and Yugyeom had not organized the trip themselves, thankfully, but had gone through an agency, which meant that transportation, food, and any other necessities were taken care of. You spotted the agency holding a sign with your name on it in front of a car. You handed them confirmation of your identity and reservation and got into the car. Now that you were here, you were going to try and make the most of it. Which meant no up-tightness and no work, let loose, you told yourself. Jaebum had done you a favor by taking away your work phone for the trip, which sealed the fact that you were officially on vacation.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were going to kill those two idiots. They tried to do one simple job and they managed to mess that up as well. Instead of signing you up for a normal vacation for optimum relaxation, they'd signed you up for the group version. Which meant you'd be spending the next two weeks with strangers who would most probably all be couples. Which meant you'd be third wheeling. A lot. The only good thing was that they had signed you up with a group from Korea, so at least you could comfortably communicate during the trip.

As soon as you'd walked into the hotel and signed in, they'd handed you your schedule which was full of a whole bunch of crazy, not-at-all-relaxing things like skydiving (you were deathly afraid of heights), rock climbing (still deathly afraid of heights), and surfing (this you were actually looking forward to) and many more. There was also positivity time, which given the name, you were dreading, especially if it involved talking about feelings. 

After taking a quick shower, you headed back down to the lobby to wait for your group. After loitering around for a few seconds, you found yourself being tightly hugged by a round, kind faced man. “You must be y/n,” he said, his stomach rumbling as he chuckled and released you from his grip. How he knew who you were confused you but you decided to go with the flow. He pulled you towards a group of people and as you looked at them, you felt a rush of disappointment. You had been right, they were all couples. You would be third wheeling for the rest of the trip.

As you tried to feign interest in the others, a handsome, dark haired man with a wide smile walked up to the group and the round man --tour guide-- hugged him. “I was waiting for you, Jackson, now our group’s complete.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, at least you weren't going to be the only single one in the group. 

The tour guide clapped his hands together. “Ok, everyone introduce yourselves, this is the group of people you will be doing everything with for the next two weeks so try not to be strangers.”

A couple on your left raised their hands and introduced themselves, followed by the ones next to them. There were four couples in total then you and the dark haired man. You found yourself slightly stunned by how handsome the man was as you looked at him. The couple next to you finished talking about how this was their anniversary week and they wanted to do something different and everyone looked at you. 

You blinked. “Hi, my name’s y/n and I’m here for a vacation,” you simply said, trying to refrain from mentioning your two idiot friends. The tour guide looked at you expectantly but you just shrugged. You were not going to mention work, this was a work free zone, you reminded yourself. Thankfully, the dark haired man jumped in before the silence became awkward.

“I’m Jackson and I’m also here for a vacation. You know how work can get so hectic sometimes so I needed a break,” he said brightly. You felt yourself grin at how both of you were here for the same reason. He was probably here out of his own free will though.

“I’m Bob and I will be your tour guide for this trip. If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, you can come to me. I’m here for all of you,” the tour guide said, gazing at the group warmly. “Ok, the first thing we have on our schedule is lunch,” he said, and seeing the relieved expression on most of the faces, he chuckled. “Since most of you just got here this morning, today will be a relaxing day.”

You automatically started devising a plan to approach the man--Jackson-- casually. You didn't want to make things awkward but after observing the couples during introductions, you could tell Jackson and you would be left together pretty often. All of the couples were here celebrating anniversaries or in one case, a honeymoon. You knew this meant they would be pretty immersed in one another on this trip and since you were in this situation, you didn't want to be awkward with the only other person who could give you company.

The tour guide led the group towards a huge dining room when Jackson suddenly fell in step with you. You looked at him in surprise, mainly because you would have never had the nerve to approach someone you barely knew.

“Guess we’re going to be stuck with each other for a while,” he said, his hands in his pockets. Clearly, he was just as observant as you. To be honest, now that you thought about it, even a baby could see that the couples were going to be very immersed in themselves on this trip. He gave you a shy smile, “Not that that’s a bad thing.”

“Yeah,” you said, rather intelligently. Jackson looked at you with an amused expression on his face.

“You’re not much of a talker are you?”

“I am, I just don't know what to say. I never know what to say to...um...strangers,” you cringed inwardly at the ending of your sentence. You should've said something like new people, why strangers? Your brain was smacking itself in the forehead right now.

Jackson smirked at you. “Who says we have to stay strangers? From now on, we’re friends,” he said, putting his hand out for a handshake. You gave him a shy smile and shook his hand. He really is handsome. And so nice too…

You two exchanged pleasantries while waiting in the lunch line and you were surprised at how easily conversation came. You learned that Jackson lived in the same city as you and that he enjoyed fencing. At the second piece of information, you found yourself slyly eyeing his bulging muscles. As he piled food on his plate, his biceps tensed and you couldn't help getting distracted by them. What the hell was wrong with you? You’d never been so easily moved by anyone before, especially someone you’d just met.

You mentally kicked yourself and focused on your plate. You heard someone harrumph loudly and you looked to your right, where Jackson was looking at you with an amused grin. 

“Did you hear what I said? Are you okay?” he asked, a glimmer of concern in his eyes.

“What...yeah, no, I’m fine,” you said, faking enthusiasm. Get a hold of yourself, you idiot, you thought to yourself. “Just super excited for this fish,” you said, giving him what you hoped was a convincing smile.

He laughed, a loud and bright sound. “That’s not fish, that’s tofu.”

“Wha-at?! Omygod, I thought it was fish?” You blushed and felt appalled that you had been so distracted by Jackson and his muscles that you had failed to read the signs in front of the food. You looked back and saw that it was indeed tofu. Ugh, now you were going to have to eat it, there was no way to put it back now.

Jackson’s laugh pulled you back to the present. “Do you not like tofu? I mean it’s not that bad,” he said, still smiling at you.

You shrugged, “I haven’t had the best experiences with it in the past. Once, when I was twelve, some auntie made me eat it and...actually never mind. But yeah, it’s just not my favorite food.”

“Come on, you can tell me, don’t be embarrassed,” Jackson said, nudging you with his elbow playfully as you followed the group towards your table.

“How do you know it’s an embarrassing story? I could have chosen not to tell you for any other reason,” you told him, raising your eyebrows incredulously at him.

“Judging by how red your face is, I made a pretty educated guess that the story’s embarrassing. But if you don't want to tell me, it's okay,” he said in a lively tone, dispelling any annoyance or embarrassment you might have otherwise felt at his words.

“Well, I threw up...the entire night,” you said bluntly. You watched him, trying to gauge his reaction. The only tell that your revelation had surprised him was a slight upward flinch of his eyebrows. He quickly regained his composure and you felt the absurd need to giggle.

“That was probably a one time thing, you should give it a chance,” he told you, pulling out chairs for the both of you.

“Thank you. And no, I would very much prefer to keep my stomach inside me,” you said, with a light tone. Jackson laughed again.

“Try it, and if you don't like it this time, I can take it,” he said. You felt surprised at his ease with you and found yourself nodding against your better judgement. 

You put a tiny portion of the tofu in your mouth, trying not to gag at the feeling. Almost immediately, you felt yourself start to retch. You started shaking your head and Jackson thrust a tissue in your hand. You spit the tofu out and tried to control your breathing.

Jackson was looking at you with a concerned look. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn't mean to make you eat that,” he said softly.

You shook your head again at him, “No, it’s fine, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat it. The texture really throws me off.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and when you looked at his face you felt yourself melt. He was giving you big, puppy eyes and you felt a need to give him everything you owned. Omygod, why is he so cute? That is so not fair, you thought while reminding yourself to blink. You tore your gaze from his face, feeling flustered.

“No, you don't have to apologize, I’m an adult, I could have easily made the decision not to eat it. I guess I wanted to give it another chance like you said before.” you told him. “Do you really like tofu?” you added, curiosity taking over.

“Yeah, I’m kind of a health freak so tofu’s like my thing,” he said, and you looked at his plate. Indeed, it was filled with greens and tofu, not unlike what you had just eaten.

You unconsciously stuck your tongue out at his plate and Jackson started laughing again. You just stared at him with an amused expression, lifting one eyebrow to tell him to elaborate.

“I own a healthy food company,” he stated, and you gave him a shocked grin.

“You own a company? That’s so cool,” you said enthusiastically, happy that you had found a similarity between the two of you.

“Yeah, it is pretty cool. What about you, what do you do?” he asked, looking at you as though to see if it was okay to ask such a question.

“I’m the CEO of a gaming company.”

“What?! That is so much cooler than mine, you’re awesome,” he joyfully said, speaking around a huge lettuce leaf.

You laughed softly. The two of you continued talking about your companies until the end of lunch, when the tour guide got up and announced that it was time to go down to the beach.

You jumped to your feet excitedly and followed Jackson and the group out of the resort. You were still reeling from how fast you and Jackson had become...well, friends. It had always taken you forever to trust anyone to share your personal life with excluding Jaebum and Yugyeom. You three had been friends since your high school years, when Yugyeom had accidentally tripped and pushed you into Jaebum who was walking in front of you. You had ended up with a sprained ankle and Yugyeom had insisted on helping you hobble around school. Jaebum took pity on the both of you and decided to bestow his “much needed” advice on you and somehow, you had found yourself two best friends. 

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After spending some time soaking in the sun and talking on the beach, everyone headed back to their rooms to rest. The rest of the day was free and you planned on making the most of it. This meant sleeping, you felt like you never got enough sleep. Just as you were about to say goodbye to Jackson, he softly grabbed your wrist. You looked from him to your wrist with a slightly shocked expression and he quickly let go.

“I just wanted to say that I’m really glad we can be friends, I was worried I would be third wheeling the entire trip but now I have a new friend,” he said, giving you a sweet smile and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Of co--of course. I’m really glad we’re friends too. I was worried about that too.”

“Well, see you for dinner, bye,” he said with a twinkle in his eye and he pivoted on his heel.

“Um, Jackson?”

“Yes,” he said, turning around.

“The stairs and the elevator are both this way,” you pointed to the direction you had been going.

“Oh, thank god you pointed that out or I might have wasted the rest of my evening staring at that amazing statue,” he said, pointing towards an absurd statue that had greatly confused you when you first arrived.

You snorted at his words. “Why that one?” you asked, trying to control your judgemental face.

“Hey, don't be mean. It’s art and everything’s beautiful,” he pouted as he told you this and you grinned. 

“Okay, then tell me what it’s supposed to be,” you challenged, crossing your arms across your chest and lifting your chin.

“Either a rock or a dragonfly, but it can mean different things to everyone,” he said, pouting even more now.

You laughed at his cute expression. “Of course, to me it looks like a rhinoceros sat on a flower and the stem is the main structure holding everything up, including the rhino.” 

Jackson burst out laughing at your statement. “See, I told you art means something to everyone.”

“Okay, you’re right, you’re right,” you said, and in that moment, you didn't feel like going to sleep. You just wanted to spend more time with this perfect stranger who had made you feel so comfortable...almost like you were at home. You spent the rest of the evening chatting away...

Pls do not repost. All credit goes to @jinyoungiemyprince​

[megalony]

Suspicions- Part 3

Here is the latest part of my new dad! Ben series which includes some angst in this part. I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have just had their first baby together, but when she gets hurt, suspicion falls on the couple and Ben can’t help but feel like people think he’s done something wrong.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey mate, we're just about to head out, but uh, come in." Ben rubbed his hand over his tired, drained features as he pulled the door open wide enough for Joe to enter the house.

He hadn't spoken to Joe for about three days or so now and with everything happening with Ella, Ben hadn't had much time to talk to anyone or contact anyone. All he had done was call his parents yesterday from the hospital when they found out what was happening with Ella. Ben hadn't even gotten round to telling Joe or any of his other close friends that Ella had now gotten a fractured leg.

Ben watched Joe practically jump inside the house and spin round to face him just as he closed the front door.

He and (Y/n) were about to go back out to the hospital and see Ella and hopefully try and talk to a different doctor, one who would be less condescending and more understanding. They wanted to talk to a doctor about why this is happening and see about bringing Ella back home in a few days when she was a bit better because at this point Ben was refusing to talk to Doctor Harris who had been less than polite the past two times they had seen him.

"I came to check on how you were both doing... are you going to see Ella?" Joe seemed rather jumpy and on edge to Ben which was very unusual. Joe could be enthusiastic and a lot of the time he was excited and impatient, but he was never this kind of worried and jittery like something was wrong.

Ben folded his arms over his chest as he leaned against the bannister, a look of confusion on his face as he took in Joe's words. How did Joe know that Ella wasn't here? Only Ben and (Y/n)'s parents knew that Ella was in the hospital and Joe didn't talk to either of their families. And why would he think to come and check up on them? He had talked to Ben three days ago and Ben had told him that they were doing okay with Ella being out of the hospital at the time.

"How do you know Ella isn't here?" Ben tried his best not to sound rude or suspicious but he couldn't help but feel nervous about how Joe seemed to think something was wrong and know Ella wasn't in the house.

"You... you haven't seen the articles, o-or the tweets?" Joe's whole face dropped as his shoulders sagged like he had a weight pressing down on him.

He thought Ben would have seen the few articles online and the tweets that were trending and exploding on the internet right now. He knew Ben was mainly only on Instagram right now and he didn't usually go on twitter or anything else but he thought Ben would have seen something. Ben tried to stay away from anything online that included him because even though he loved seeing the nice comments about him and his work, he got hung up on the negatives out there on social media. So he tended to stay a hermit when it came to the media, but Joe thought he would have heard about this.

"What are you talking about? Is there something online about Ella?" There was a clear tone of worry in Ben's voice as he felt like his stomach was suddenly doing summersaults.

Was there someone online involving Ella? Had people been talking about her, did a lot of people know she was in the hospital?

Ben had talked to (Y/n) when she got pregnant and they decided he wasn't going to post anything about the baby online. Ben was in a few well-known movies now so he was going to be known, he didn't really like the thought of everyone knowing things about his personal life. He didn't want fans or just random people online knowing he went to scans or knowing if he was having a girl or a boy or knowing his daughter's birthday. He had said in one interview for 6 Underground that he and his girlfriend were expecting a baby but he didn't go into any specifics.

He knew there was at least one photo online with him cradling Ella to his chest when he went out with her once during the first week of her being born but that was it. All people knew was that he had had his baby, they didn't know anything about her.

"I thought you would have known... there's a few articles published last night, someone must have seen you at the hospital last night. They've revealed her name and that she's been hurt." Joe pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled through an app for the right article that he had woken up to this morning. As soon as he had read through it he checked the rest of social media and found a lot of people were now interested and getting involved when it was none of their business.

He thought it would be better if he talked to Ben in person about this and now he knew he had made the right choice.

When Joe handed the phone over to Ben, he could have sworn the blond stopped breathing altogether as his eyes skimmed over the words and sentences put together in the article that could only find the one photo online of Ben cradling Ella to his chest.

A fire ignited in Ben's chest as he scrolled down and read the next article that virtually said the same thing. The more he scrolled, the more tweets he found that varied in what they were saying but the only consistent thing was that there was no scrap of truth in anything that he was seeing.

How did people know about Ella?

Why were they saying this about them all?

"I need to call my manager, get these taken off the internet." Ben thrust the phone back at Joe with such a damaged expression that it made Joe want to burst into tears. He knew the internet could be spiteful, he had had his fair share of trolling and unfair remarks or articles but Ben didn't need nor deserve this right now.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. We took her to the hospital yesterday and they said now she's fractured her leg... Joe something's happening to her and I don't know what to do." Finding out Ella had a broken collar bone was bad enough, but to find that she now had a fractured leg was even worse because this had happened in less than a month of Ella being born. Ben didn't know what he could do to help his baby girl and he didn't know what on Earth was happening to her.

When anyone apart from (Y/n) had held Ella Ben had watched them like a hawk, he had eagle eyes on them to make sure they weren't too rough or careless with his daughter. He made sure that they were gentle and caring with her and she hadn't suddenly burst into tears or wailed at anyone holding her and no one had dropped her or had any accidents with her.

Ben had no clue what was happening with his girl.

"Is... is anything the article says, true?" Joe regretted the words the moment they passed through his lips when he saw the look on Ben's face.

His eyes blazed with a kind of fire that Joe knew was consuming and his face was hardening like setting stone. How could Joe even think that, let alone have the guts to ask him it? Anything in that article was speculation that was based on false facts and bullshit in Ben's opinion, there was no truth in it whatsoever.

"Are you shitting me right now?" Ben could feel his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Joe was his friend, they had been close for over a year now and Ben thought he would be able to confide in Joe about anything. But if Joe believed everything he read on the internet then it was going to cause a rift between them because the article held no truth.

"Ben I-"

"What, you think I could actually hurt Ella? Joe, she's my daughter and she's not even one month old yet! I have not broken her collar bone and I have not fractured her leg and if you believe I could then get the fuck out of my house."

Someone had clearly told whoever wrote the article that Ella was in the hospital and they managed to find out her name and what she was in the hospital for. Ben knew how bad it was that his baby girl had those injuries but he couldn't believe that people had gone to the extent as to speculate that Ben had physically hurt Ella and had caused her injuries. The vile article stated that Ben had been looking stressed and 'someone' had claimed he had anger issues which was not the case.

People who read the article were now on twitter claiming either that Ben may have hurt Ella or a few people were stating that he never could. But he didn't want people stood in his corner backing him up, he wanted this to stop. No one should be interfering with his life and they shouldn't even be getting involved or taking sides because there was no side to take.

Something had happened to Ella but Ben was not abusing her, he hadn't done this to her.

"Hey, I never said that! I don't believe for one moment you would do that on purpose because I know you, Ben."

"So you think I did it by accident? Or that (Y/n) did it because no one out there knows who she is and therefore she's dodgy?" (Y/n) wasn't in the public eye other than the few times people had snapped photos of her and Ben on a night out. No one knew what job she had, how old she was, where she lived, they knew nothing about her and that was how (Y/n) liked it. But because no one on the internet knew about her, they were now assuming she was suspicious too and that she could have hurt her own daughter just because they didn't know anything about her.

"No! But you can't tell me you don't have a temper like the rest of us. What about that guy you had a fight with a few months back?" Joe wasn't implying Ben hurt Ella or that he did it on purpose. Joe wasn't even sure Ben was capable of doing anything of the sort by accident.

But he had to admit that Ben had a broad frame and build, he could easily hurt someone without realising or meaning to, especially a baby with fragile bones. And Ben had a temper on rare occasions. He wasn't hot-headed, he didn't have road rage and he didn't go around shouting or swearing at people but if it was someone personal or close to home, Ben could have a temper and that was only human. Joe knew as well as the next man that every person was capable of having a temper and it wasn't a bad thing. But Ben had had a few fights in his time.

"(Y/n) was five months pregnant and that dick pushed her into a table, what did you expect me to do?" Ben would admit he had a right temper that day Joe was referring to but he had every right. They had been out with friends and a random stranger thought it was okay to push and knock her into a table without even saying sorry and he thought it was something to smile about. Ben wasn't just going to say that was fine, he had argued with the guy before throwing a few punches because he could have hurt (Y/n).

"You broke his nose-"

"That was a guy who pushed a pregnant lady, okay that was a dick who deserved more than a broken nose. Ella is my baby girl who has been in immense fucking pain these past few weeks. I would never hurt her and I know how to look after her so this was not an accident that happened because of me or (Y/n)."

Tipping his head down, Ben dragged his fingers through his hair as he hoped (Y/n) was still in the shower and couldn't hear their conversation. He didn't want her to worry right now. They just needed to get to the hospital and see how Ella was doing and find a different doctor. They didn't need this hanging over their heads and making everything worse. Ben would call his manager after they saw Ella and he would get this all cleared up, no problem.

"I think you should leave." Ben dug his short nails into his hip as he stared at his feet, indicating for Joe to leave. If he thought Ben could be responsible for this then he was not a friend of Ben's and he was not someone Ben wanted to be around.

Ben didn't need any of this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey mum." (Y/n) spoke weakly but she tried to lift her voice as her eyes set on her mother sat watching over Ella. Ben's parents had come down last night to see them and Ella and now (Y/n)'s mum was here keeping watch over Ella for the time being.

The newborn was rather peaceful today which Ben guessed was because of the medication they had put her on. She wasn't in an incubator and she wasn't as ill as the other newborns in this room which was a good sign. Technically she was only in here for observation to check her leg was alright and was going to heal properly so they should be able to take her home in a few days.

The couple stood on the other side of the small box-like bed Ella was laid on, all their eyes focusing on the little girl with bright green eyes that were tiredly looking up at them all.

Ella was too small and too young to have a proper cast on her leg so they had simply decided to put a bandage roll around her leg instead and her arm was still pinned to her chest to keep her collar bone in the right place so it was able to continue healing. But she didn't look ill which was a relief, it made it easier to sit and watch over her when she didn't look sickly or as in a bad health state as the other newborns on this ward.

"Have you seen those vile things on the internet?" Marie's eyes glanced up and locked with (Y/n)'s but her eyes darted between her and Ben with a look of distaste that set (Y/n) on edge and made Ben's stomach drop.

Marie opposed to their relationship because there was almost ten years between (Y/n) and Ben, she was only nineteen. But when (Y/n) got pregnant her mother had tried her best to be civil with Ben because it was clear he wasn't going anywhere and they had been on rather good terms lately. She had gotten along with him because he was a genuinely nice person and easy going.

But if she had read those articles then it was clear she was going to believe them and he dead set against Ben like she had been in the beginning.

"No, why? What things?" (Y/n) turned to look at Ben but the grave expression on his face gave away that he knew something she didn't. "Ben?" She felt his hand tightening around her own as he tried to shake his head to dismiss the subject but Marie seemed to glare at him worse.

"Marie, people know who I am. They get a rise out of making this stuff up, don't believe everything you read on there." Ben was getting to be well known now and that meant that people liked to know every inch of his life and what he did and where he went. If there was gossip to be made out of his life, they would create it at his own expense.

"What things, Ben what have people been saying?" (Y/n) tugged on his hand to get his attention but he didn't look at her.

"They think he's done this to Luella." Marie stated, waving her hand at Ben as her expression said it all. She believed what the internet said but Ben couldn't be sure if it was because she thought he was truly capable of this kind of evil or if it was because she just needed a reason to hate him so (Y/n) would leave him. Either way, she was believing the lies people had spread and Ben couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt in his chest.

"Mum you know he wouldn't do that, Ben would never hurt Ella don't talk about something like that." (Y/n) shook her head as she tried to dismiss the topic she couldn't even bear thinking about. She gently ran her finger over Ella's features but she just knew her mother wasn't going to let this go.

(Y/n) didn't care what was written online and she didn't want to know whatever the internet said. It didn't matter because (Y/n) knew the truth and if people really knew Ben or were real fans of his work then they would believe that he hadn't done anything to hurt Ella.

"Do I? I told you he was bad news and you never-"

"Fuck, mum he's standing right here. Go home... we're going to find the doctor." (Y/n) leaned her head on Ben's arm as he guided them out of the room. Ben wasn't close to Marie so having her turn against him like this wasn't something he was deeply concerned about.

But it hurt all the same that people were now turning against him when they should know that he would never lay a hand on his baby girl.

[nocturnal-jeon]

𝚋𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗➛ 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚜/𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖

im so sorry this took so long, love. but here it is and i hope you like it

Kim Seokjin

It was maybe three hours till showtime. And while that would be considered ample amount of time for some people, it was go time for the boys. You watched from the sidelines, not wanting to get in either their way or the staff’s. It was the fifth show BTS was having and it was in Japan. You figured it would be nothing to just fly down there and support your favorite person in the world.

You were always amazed by how hard the boys worked and you always made sure to tell Jin how proud you were of him and how well he was doing. It always seemed to mean a lot whenever you said it, so you made a mental note to remember to say it. 

You sat in the hallway while the boys changed in their changing rooms, and as a way to pass the time, you scrolled through your social media and smiled when you came across photos of Jin that fans had taken during their time at a concert. The large smile on his face whenever he was performing would always bring peace to your heart. It helped you sleep better at night knowing that he was doing what he loved and that you could support him through that. 

WIth a sudden movement in your peripheral, you looked up to see Jimin wildly poking his half dressed figure out of the doorway. But it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve seen him shirtless, so it was nothing new. “Y/n, you need to come in here. Jin is about to lose his shit,” he quickly and urgently said. You quickly stashed your phone away in your pocket and followed him into the dressing room. 

Right as you saw Jin, you were shocked to hear him yell at the top of his lungs, “Fuck off! I’m trying my best!” You turned to see Hoseok, who was the one getting yelled at, thourougly shocked as well as the other members littered around the room. “Jin, calm down,” Namjoon said as he placed a hand on Jin’s shoulder. “No! You guys always get on me about my dancing, but for fucks sake, we’re not all like Jimin or Jungkook, or even you Hoseok!” Jin screamed, pointing an accusing finger at Hoseok. 

Your eyes were wide with surprise and your heart was shaking. 

“Jin,” you said in the strongest voice you could muster. His head snapped towards you immidiately. For a split second, you could see the anger written all over his face, but that all went away when fast tears began to move down his face. 

“Guys, let’s give them some room,” Namjoon said, and the rest of the members followed their leader out of the room, leaving you with Jin. You hurried over to him, but his knees buckled and he fell on them as broken sobs escpaed his tall body. “Jin,” you gently cooed as you held his head against your stomach. His tears soaked your shirt but you didn’t care. 

As one hand rubbed his back, the other stroked his hair. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, Jinnie,” you softly said as he continued to cry it out. Your heart ached for him as you were assuming correctly what the substance of that conversation was. 

Jin cried for at least five minutes, leaving him drained of tears. You sat down in front of him as he laid down and placed his head on top of your thighs. You stroked his cheek as you leaned down to kiss his head. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked gently. He nodded. You could feel him take in a deep breath. 

“I’m trying my best. And the fans get on me for my dancing. And now the boys, too. And it’s too stressful, Y/n, I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” he said in a pained voice with tears threatening to spill over. “Jin, you know I’ll support you no matter what you do. And while you can’t completely control what the fans say, you can talk to the boys about how you feel, rather than lash out. Problems aren’t solved with yelling,” you said, your fingers gently rubbing through his hair. 

He nodded. “When you’re ready, I can call the boys back in here and you can talk it out. Because it’s not healthy to go out on stage like this. And they’re your brothers, Jin. You guys are best friends for life. So, just talk to them and tell them how you feel,” you suggested. He nodded. 

And so after holding him for a little bit longer until he was feeling better, you called in the boys and went out into the hall to sit so they could talk. And after getting called back in, you were happy to see Jin and Jungkook bickering like usual. Namjoon made an effort to make eye contact with you and he gave you a warm smile and a nod, reasurring your feelings. 

Min Yoongi

Yoongi had texted you probaby around 5pm, letting you know that he would be home late and that you shouldn’t wait up for him. It wasn’t the first time he’s texted you something like that; it was probably the hundredth time or so. But you were used to it. You understood how important his work was to him and how hard he worked at it, so there were often plently of nights that you had gone to bed alone, Yoongi’s side of the bed freezing cold. 

You were a night owl yourself, so after going to bed at around midnight, you fell fast asleep, You awoke, however, to loud sounds coming from downstairs. At first, you dismissed it as the sounds of the branches hitting up against the windows, but after hearing a loud crash, your body sat straight up in bed. 

You looked around your room, exasperated, suddenly wishing now more than ever that Yoongi was there with you. But, you figured that before you call the police, you should check and see whether there was something to even call the police about. You squinted to read the clock on your nightstand and saw that it was just after 3am. With a shaky hand, you reached out to your phone and quickly called Yoongi, but his phone went straight to voicemail. 

Nervously, you got out of bed, phone tightly in the grasp of your shaking hand, and slowly made your way downstairs, turning on the lights as you went, the darkness seeming more sinister than comforting like it usually is. 

You slowly and quietly walked down the stairs, afraid of making even the slightest of noises. You followed the loud noises to the door of Yoongi’s office. Maybe it was Yoongi. But if it is him, why didn’t he answer the phone? Just as you opened the door, you quickly ducked to avoid a book hitting your head, so instead, it slammed loudly against the wall behind you. 

You gasped loudly, turning Yoongi’s attention towards you. The room was a mess. Papers were on the floor, ripped up. His expensive chair was on the floor broken. The posters and images on the wall were torn off. And Yoongi stood right in the center of it, his knuckles bloody as the blood on his hand matched the large dents in the wall. 

“Yoongi, what the hell?” you asked a bit annoyed, but mainly surprised. His was breathing heavily and you could see the anger written all over his face. Or was it sadness? He walked over to the left side of the room and punched the wall so hard it put a gaping hole in it. Not to say you were scared, but this was a compeltely new side of Yoongi. 

He sat on the velvet couch below the hole up against the wall and put his head in his hands. You stood there shocked, not knowing what to do at first. But after his body quivered with every silent sob that escaped his body, you realized the violent side of him was gone for the moment. 

You walked over to him and sat next to him. Througout the two years of you two dating, this was the first time you had seen him cry and you didn’t know what to do. You rubbed his back lovingly. 

He looked up at you momentarily before practically falling onto your body as he buried his head into your chest, your breasts providing a comfortable cushion. You leaned back against the back of the couch and held him, kissing his head repeatedly as you rubbed his back. “You’re okay Yoongi, I’m here. You’re okay and so is everything else,” you soothingly spoke into his ear. 

You stayed there in that same position as Yoongi fell asleep at some point and you did, too. And when the two of you awoke in the morning, you realized that Yoongi was stressed and uninspired. But the words you spoke to him last night resonated with him. And after cleaning up his office with your held, he actually took his work outside and took you with him. He shared the lyric writing process with you, something he rarely did, and even got your take on it. 

He titled the song “I’m here” and wrote it all about you. From then on, you forced Yoongi to talk about his feelings so he didn’t let it bubble up to the point where he would explode like he did that night. 

Kim Namjoon

It wasn’t even 9pm. If anything, it was relatively early for Namjoon to be home. So, when he came in downstairs while you were sitting in bed on your phone, you didn’t think much of it, but when you heard clinking of glasses, you wondered whether or not he had company with him. 

So, getting out of bed, you walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen. But it was just Namjoon, no one else. His hair was a mess and he was in sweatpants and a hoodie as he struggled, cursing to himself, to open up a bottle of wine. 

“Namjoon, what’s going on?” you asked as you took a few steps towards him. “The fucking bottle won’t open!” he exclaimed angrily. “Joon, just put the bottle down,” you suggested, worried about the state he was in. “Fuck!” he screamed as he threw the bottle against the wall, causing it to shatter and the liquid to spread everywhere. The impact caused your body to jump as you watched with wide eyes. Sliding down the counter, he brought his knees to his chest and muttered a string of cursed words before he began to cry and his words got muddled.

 “Joon,” you said softly as you kneeled in front of him, your hands on his knees. “Namjoon, look at me please,” you softly begged. His removed his hands away from his face and looked at you with tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, reeking of exhaustion. 

“What’s wrong, baby? What’s happening right now?” you asked. He sniffled and wiped his eyes as you watched him intently with worried eyes. “I’m just so tired, y/n. I just want a break..” he said, causing you to nod. “You can take a break, Namjoon,” you said, holding his face in your hands as your thumbs stroked his cheek. 

“But the boys and the fans...” he began to say, but you shook your head as a signal for him to stop talking. “The boys will understand, Joon. And the fans always tell you to take breaks anyway. Just take some time away and get some rest okay?” you said. He nodded and sniffled. 

“Come on, let’s get you into bed,” you said as you stood up and pulled him up. He held onto you helplessly as he allowed you to walk him up the stairs and to the bedroom. And when he collapsed on the bed, you helped him discard of his clothes, leaving him in his briefs. 

“Wait, what about the mess I made?” he asked groggily as you pulled the covers over his body. “I got it, baby. Just sleep, okay?” you said in a gentle voice as you leaned down and kissed his head. “I love you, Joon,” you said, but he didn’t respond because he had already fallen asleep. 

And so you went to clean up the mess he had made and you fell asleep right next to him. 

And so Namjoon did take that break. He took a month off, spending time with you, writing songs without deadlines, and catching up on months and months of missed sleep. But all he needed was you beside him, and he had that. 

Jung Hoseok

It wasn’t even close to comeback time. So, Hoseok really was just thinking ahead when it came to learning the choreography, so really, there would be no reason for him to be as stressed out as he was. 

But boy was Hoseok stressing the fuck out. 

It had been two hours since you and Hoseok went to the dance practice room on his day off and you thought that things were doing fine. Periodically, you would watch him, but you had work of your own to do. 

However, you could hear multiple cursed words leave his mouth in a frustrated tone. You looked up from your papers and saw him squatting on the floor with his head in his hands as he muttered something to himself. 

“Hoseok?” you asked as you got up and walked towards him. 

“I can’t get the fucking steps right,” he snapped, shocking you. “Hoseok, deep breaths. Calm down,” you instructed, taking another step towards him, but when he looked up with fiery eyes and watched you take a step back, he just broke. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, before breaking into tears. You stood there for a few moments, too shocked to do anything, but you walked towards him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him in for a much-needed hug. 

His body slumped against yours as each sob escaping his sore body took all the energy out of him. “Is something deeper going on? Do you want to talk to me about it?” you asked in a soothing voice as you stroked the soft hairs on his head.

“I just feel this enormous pressure to always do well and it’s a lot for me, y/n,” he explained after several minutes of pure silence. You nodded understandingly and kissed his temple. “It’s okay to take a break, you know. You’re not a robot. You can’t be expected to work these long tiring hours everyday and not be able to take a break,” you explained, bitter about Hoseok’s extreme schedule.

You could feel him nod into your shoulder.

“Let’s just go home baby. I’ll cook for you and you can just relax. It is your day off, afterall,” you said with a sad smile. He nodded once more.

Park Jimin

It was an average day for some, but on this day, you really wanted to reward the boys for a job well done on their world tour. You texted all of them when they boarded the plane to finally come home and they all agreed to come to your shared apartment with Jimin. 

You spent a good section of the morning shopping for ingredients so you could cook them their favorite meals so they could feast. And you spent the whole day since the second you got home making said meals. And did you eat? All you could eat so that you didn’t eat what the boys would eat was a bowl of rice. 

But there was one thing you wanted that would keep you satisfyed for days: Jimin. 

You missed him dearly. He would call you frequently, but he was almost always exhausted since he would ring you late at night, often after he had done a concert. And one of the things you would make Jimin do was just sleep once he got home. He deserved a good nights sleep in his bed. 

You were just placing the last plate of food on the dining room when you heard the door to the apartment opening. 

You quickly fixed the cute outfit you put on just for Jimin and went to greet them. In came seven very tired but happy and hungry looking men. At the back, was your Jimin. 

“Hey, y/n,” the boys greeted as they all each individually hugged you, to which you hugged back. “You guys can go eat. I hope you like all the options,” you said with a smile. “Holy shit, you made all of this?” Hoseok asked when he was the first to reach the dining room, causing you and the rest of the boys to laugh. 

And as each member hugged you and moved inside to the living room, you anxiously waited for Jimin. He looked at you with a soft smile before you hugged him tightly. His arms found comfort around your waist as his soft face nestled itself in the crook of your neck, his nostrils engulfed in a familiar smell he missed so much. 

“Hey, darling,” he mumbled tiredly. “Hi, Jiminie,” you said sweetly before placing a sweet kiss on his cheek. “I made some of your favorites,” you said, pulling away slightly so you could see his chisled face. 

He shook his head. “I just want to go to the bedroom,” he said coldly, and after separating himself from you, he went down the hall silently to the bedroom, leaving you more confused than hurt. 

You couldn’t figure out whether or not he wanted to just be alone, but you figured after spending months constantly around people 24/7, maybe being alone was exactly what he wanted. 

So, you went to sit with the boys at the table and ate just a little bit. It ws just after you swallowed your fifth bite that the table went silent at the sound of glass breaking. Your body jumped and the boys all looked around confused. 

“The bedroom,” you mumbled, mainly to yourself. As you scrambled out of your chair and took off in a full sprint, the boys followed behind as you entered the bedroom, and when you didn’t see Jimin, you opened the door to the adjoining bathroom. There he stood in front of what used to be a mirror hanging on the wall, but was now shards of glass sticking out of his knuckles and all over the floor and sink where Jimin’s blood was painting it a pretty shade of red. 

You gasped and didn’t know what to do, but the boys pushed passed you, everyone yelling or screaming something, but your mind just couldn’t hold onto a single word that was spoken. 

All you could see was blood, blood, and more blood. As each member tended to Jimin and unanimously voted to bring him to the hospital, all he could do was watch you with tear-filled eyes as your largely dialated pupils stared at the puddle forming on the floor. 

You moved aside as the boys walked Jimin out of the bathroom and you heard someone ask if you were coming and you said you would stay here and clean up. Jimin’s heart rattled at this, but he understood. 

And after you cleaned up and put all the food away, you sat anxiously by the door for Jimin when the boys brought him back home. You frowned when you saw his hand wrapped tightly, but actions had consequences. 

You stood up and thanked all the boys who said they were all just going to head home. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” you asked Jimin plainly. He sighed. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he said in a low voice as he took a step closer to you. “You don’t let me in anymore. Can you just tell me what’s going on?” you asked softly. He sighed. 

“Can I tell you over food? I’m hungry,” he said with an empty chuckle. 

You nodded and went to the kitchen and took out the rest of the food. 

And so you and Jimin sat there and as he ate, he told you about his insecurities and how he punched the mirror because he couldn’t stand looking at himself. 

And after he was done eating and talking, you got up and went over and sat on his lap. 

“Jimin, you are beautiful. Inside and out, okay? It make take you some time to realize that, but I’m here no matter how long it takes,” you said, and as he rested his head just above your breasts, you stroked his hair and kissed his head, listing all the reasons why you loved him and why he should love himself. 

Kim Taehyung 

You and Taehyung had an eventful night. No, it wasn’t sex, but it was just cuddling and endless talks about the future and the past and the now. Some would call it pillow talk, but you and Taehyung always called it the rare real conversation. 

You stirred in your sleep when Taehyung’s alarm went off at the early hour of 6am. You still had a few good hours of sleep left, but Taehyung, with his eyes slowly opening, stared up at the ceiling after turning the alarm off. 

With each blink, he tried to gather the motivation to get out of bed and go do what he loved, but for some reason, his limbs remained restless against the soft bedding and his brain decided not to function today. With the slight turn of his head, he stared at your sleeping figure. Your legs were scrunched up as you slept on your right side, your striking figures facing Taehyung. 

A tiny sliver of your hair fell over your face as soft little snores escaped your mouth. 

Turning to look back up at the ceiling, tears escaped from the corners of Taehyung’s eyes as they fall down the sides of his face onto his pillow. 

“Tae?” you groggily asked at the sounds of sniffles. You opened your eyes and waited for your sight to clear. You nearly broke into tears yourself at the sight of Taehyung quickly wiping his tears so you wouldn’t see. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, lifting your body up and moving closer to Taehyung. Your head rested on your hand as you looked down at him, your other hand reaching under the covers and just slowly rubbing his stomach. 

“I’m just really tired,” he said, looking up at you. You knew that ‘tired’ was an umbrella term for all of the emotions he was probably feeling, but you thought you would deal with the literal meaning of the word first. Exhaustion. 

“Just take the day off and sleep a little longer,” you said softly. He shook his head. “I can’t,” he replied. “Taehyung, you work hard and if you need a break, you can take one. It’s one day, baby,” you said, your hand moving off of his stomach to stroke his blue hair. blue haired taehyung is superior 

He thought about it momentarily before reaching for his phone and writing a text to send to someone. And once he was done, he shut down his phone, not wanting be disturbed for the whole day. 

Looking up at you once more, he gently pulled your body on top of his as he kissed your head. 

“You always know what to say,” he mumbled happily, his genuine exhaustion getting to him. “Can we talk later about how you’re really feeling?” you asked as the beating of his heart lined up with yours. He nodded, and after a few minutes, you looked up and saw that he was fast asleep. 

Jeon Jungkook

Given the role Jungkook had been given since the beginning, the member that’s good at everything, he’s tried his hardest to give the title as Golden Maknae justice. He’s tried to be good at everything he needs to do but it’s hard sometimes. 

He felt like even if he made the smallest mistake, it was all over for him. 

Maybe it was an off day or Jungkook was just feeling a bit tired, but as you watched on the tv screen as you sat backstage at a concert and saw Jungkook mess up the choreography multiple times and heard his voice crack drastically, you knew it would be a long night. 

After each mistake, you could see that his motivation just slowly disappeared. 

And so after they said goodbye and the stage went back down, you stood right where they would get off, ready to comfort Jungkook because you knew he would need it. 

And you were right. 

His eyes searched for you, and after he found you, he practically collapsed into your arms. Each member rubbed his back as they passed by the two of you so they could give you some space. 

“It’s okay, Jungkook,” you said as you slowly walked the two of you over to a couch. You sat down and he sat beside you, his head buried in your chest, hiding his face from the staff and prying eyes. 

He shook his head violently. 

“It’s not okay. If you saw how many times I messed up, that means everyone else did, too,” he said, tears pouring down his sweaty face. “Jungkook, you are allowed to make mistakes. It’s human,” you said as you rubbed his back. You felt him shake his head once again. 

“You don’t think the greatest performers of all time have made mistakes? It happens Jungkook, and I know that in the spotlight, you feel as though you’re not allowed to make any mistakes, but baby, first and foremost you’re human. It happens,” you explained in a gentle voice before kissing his head. 

He continued to cry in your arms for a few minutes as he let the words you spoke resonate in his mind. 

“I love you,” he muttered through sniffles. 

“I love you too, Kook. And when you feel ready, go celebrate with your members. Regardless of the mistakes, you put on an amazing show and made the thousands of fans out there incredibly happy,” you said, and for the first time, he nodded, causing a small smile to form on your lips. 

[bonnieisaway]

lost my discretion

cough ow this is really bad but here’s chp 4 to my shit saiki k x reader

tw for mentions of kidnapping

chapter two | chapter three | wattpad link

"S-Saiki..?" (L/n) asks, shakily as she sits on the ground behind the boy. He had suddenly appeared out of thin air, separating the girl and the body in front of Saiki. "Wh-wha...h-how did you..?"

He had teleported, obviously, but the weeping girl behind him didn't necessarily understand. Saiki cursed himself under his breath. There wasn't any way to get out of this one.

Saiki sighed in frustration. It was a simple Saturday morning, but something was annoying. He had had the same stupid prophetic dream and headache ever since the night where (L/n) had walked him home. It was weird, and why he had been assuming his powers were off lately, because usually there was't that much of a gap between when his dreams happened and, well, when it actually happened. The volcano- as much as he hated to think about it- didn't count really, it was only so long ago because he had rewound the Earth fuck knows how many times.

The answer was 6. But, we don't talk about that.

He had no choice but to shake it off as his mother called him down for breakfast. Walking down the stairs he tried his best to clear his mind, sitting at the table and ignoring the idle chatter his mother and father started.

(L/n) was a strange girl. Everything about her seemed contradictory. She was average, yet unique in a way that seemed to keep Saiki guessing, somehow- it felt like there were parts of her unknown. Which was odd, since, he could literally read her mind. Hell, even from where he sat now, if he tried hard enough he could hear her thoughts.

Or, well, dreams. She liked to sleep in.

Regardless, that wasn't all. She carried herself as if she was nothing special- and even then acknowledged by some very wrong people as such- but she was talented and beautiful. An average girl who was unique. Part of Saiki supposed everyone was like that, really. Another part of him supposed there was something different. Other than that that hid within her that he was curious of.

Very rarely was Saiki curious. Very rarely did people manage to hide things from Saiki Kusuo.

Of course, there were things like Nendo, and bugs, that were completely unreadable. But you were complex. He heard your thoughts, yes, but you never turned to stone without his glasses and his x-ray vision never worked on you. It was, well, confusing. Emotions that Saiki didn't necessarily understand.

"Ku, are you alright? You haven't touched your food..." Saiki's mother, Kurumi, fretted.

Saiki blinked for a second. He had zoned out. "Yes... I'm fine.." He sighs, finally picking up his spoon and digging into his coffee jelly. Who needed anything else? Coffee jelly makes all your problems go away.

What? Don't look at him like that. You're reading an x reader fanfiction. He can use coffee jelly as a stress coping mechanism all he wants.

Kurumi looks at his doubtfully before sighing. 'I really do hope he's okay..' Her thoughts echoed. Saiki sighed, finishing his food and excusing himself from the table, walking back up to his room.

He figured he'd read a book. Play that one game he never finished. Something enjoyable. he doesn't want to waste a perfectly fine Saturday fretting about nothing.

°·.¸.·°¯°·.,.·°¯°·.¸.°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.

As you woke up slowly, you heard your phone vibrate on the stand next to your bed. You sighed. Who wanted what this early in the morning..? You rubbed your eyes with one hand and grabbed the phone with the other.

Oh. It's 1pm. It's not that early. You just really, really like sleep. You unlock your phone, which is an unholy level of bright, to find a text from an unfamiliar number

???

Heey! I got your number from Chiopipi.

...Who, got it from Teryukoko.. ehhe..

(Y/n)

..uh.. who's this??

???

Oh, sorry! It's Aiura Mikoto.

I'm in ur class?? lol

(Y/n)

oh! you're the gyaru with the crystal ball right??

Aiura Mikoto

That's me! haha

Teryukoko was planning to have all us girls hang at her house tmrw

Her brother's gonna be out of town and her parents are off on some business trip

So it's just us

You in???

(Y/n)

..yeah sure why not

Aiura Mikoto

Lit!!! I'll text you the details tmrw

Read, 1:32pm

.

You set your phone down on your bedside table again and sighed. Well, that was your plans for tomorrow. But you had absolutely nothing to do today. You eyed your bag in the corner of the room.

Nope. Absolutely nothing. Nada. None.

You swung your legs over your bed and sat up, head dizzying and vision blurring momentarily from the swiftness of the motion. You sighed, standing and walking off..you had to take care of yourself, for once. Get dressed, brush your hair, your teeth, blah blah... you get the point.

The day goes by slowly, a steady day of jamming to your tunes and doing work. And totally not watching Netflix. Nope. But eventually the steadily changing light of the sun setting begins to noticeably change the lighting of your living room until the sun is still barely left straddling the horizon.

You stare out the window until you turn, grabbing your shoes and hoodie, slipping them on and grabbing your keys and phone as you leave your apartment, locking it behind you. You weren't sure why.. but something told you to go outside. Take a walk. Vibe in the loneliness of the playground. You'd be fine, I mean, Japan has an awfully low crime rate, doesn't it?

Yeah.. It does.. you remember your mother hovering over your shoulder as you researched the country while still in America. Your father nonchalant about the decision but inside he cared. A lot. His baby would move across the world. Your sister, jealous but proud. You were always the smarter of the two. She was an adrenaline junkie who valued smarts last.

Walking along the empty and quiet streets oddly reminded you of her. She was a type of girl who would run down these streets screaming for some demon to come eat her ass while you laughed in disappointment behind her. Sometimes, if you close your eyes hard enough..

Sometimes you could see her running.  

Sometimes, when you closed your eyes, you saw the day you lost them instead. It's hard to shake.. your bruised and broken sister holding your hand in a hospital bed as heart dropped and the doctors came in like a SWAT team.

It was really hard to shake that thought away from your head.

You had lost your family a while ago now. Just before you started your first year at PK Academy. See, the original plan was you were going to study at PK and live in Japan while your family in America dealt with most expenses. When they died, there was a new plan offered, mainly out of sympathy. Your living situation was paid by the school as you attended. As long as you kept your grades high, they would pay. Once you were out of PK Academy, then you're on your own.

You shook the thought from your head- or at least tried- as you arrived at your destination, the playground. You kicked rocks littered around under the light of the light post that's near.  You're not really sure why you came here. Nostalgia? Wanting to vibe? Bored? Who knew.

It's when you're staring up at the cloudy night sky you feel a tight grip on your wrist, causing you to nearly scream before snapping around. It's a man, obviously older than you, accompanied by his friend, grinning happily.

"Hey, you lost, girlie?" He asks, curiously. You shake your head furiously, mind racing. You did not want to die. Nor get kidnapped. Or anything else like that. "What are you doing out here all alone? It's late, you know."

You don't respond. His grip tightens, and you know it's going to leave a mark. "Let me go."

"You didn't answer my question." His face falls. His buddy behind him pulls up his hood, obscuring his already shadowy face. You feel yourself tremble, and when you look down, you see your fingers shaking like an earthquake tremor.

"I don't have to." You argue, tugging against his grip. "Let me go." You keep a stern face but you're panicking. You want to scream. Cry. You tell yourself you're stronger than this- hell, you work out with fucking Hairo sometimes, of all people, and everything is telling you to knee this man straight where the sun doesn't shine and run away but the fear has you rooted still.

There's a second, where he's going to say something back, and you feel him start to raise your arm up so he can tug you closer, but it stops when a certain force appears suddenly between you and the man, plus his friend, knocking you away and promptly letting you fall on your ass. Ouchie.  

You stare up at the object and when you recognize the stature, the bright pink hair, and weird hairpins, you realize it's Saiki. "S-Saiki..?" You ask, staring up at him.  "Wh-wha...h-how did you..?"

He turns his head back towards the two men, both as shocked as you are. "Close your eyes." He tells you, and you can't tell if it's soft or stern. A wavering mix of both. You listen to him, and when you're given the signal to open them, both men are gone.

"Whe-"

"Don't ask." He spins his body to you and holds out a hand. You shakily take it, and he pulls you to your feet effortlessly. You're shaking so much you can't help but fall forwards to his chest and he lets you, letting you rest for a second.

"..Thank you.." You mutter.

°·.¸.·°¯°·.,.·°¯°·.¸.°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.·°¯°·.¸.

You sat on the swing, swinging your legs quietly. Saiki had pulled you out of his chest and when he was going to say something you asked that he didn't- that he just stayed with you here. You knew it was nonsensical, asking to stay, but you felt safer when he was with you all of a sudden. Your phone lay under your feet softly playing music and Saiki sat on the swing next to you. It was quiet- a kind of quiet where you couldn't decipher comfort or a still, awkward feeling.

You hesitate, briefly. "How did you...?" The question drifts, before you clear your throat, trying again. "How did you just appear out of nowhere?"

Saiki doesn't respond. He sat still as a statue on his swing, compared to yours, drifting back and fourth slowly, the occasional creek of the swing an undecipherable melody. It's a minute before you speak again.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." You look away from him and kick your feet at the ground. "..How did you know to come?"

A moment of hesitation follows, before all you hear is a quiet "precognition." It's not part of an unheard sentence, and he won't add anything more, you can tell- it's all he's willing to momentarily share. You accept the answer, humming along to your phone- quietly letting unfamiliar songs drift from the phone. He stands, suddenly, the chain of the swing jingling as the weight leaves.

"I'll take you home." He says, offering a hand. "It's late."

"It can't be.. that late." You look up at him.

"It's 2am." He argues. You sigh and hang your head, muttering an apology as you pick up your phone.

You place your hand in his, and this time it feels different. Tender and understanding, but somewhere you know he's upset that you nearly got yourself killed. You blink, and you're in your apartment, with a nauseating feeling. What the fu-

"Goodnight, (L/n)."

You hesitate. "..'night, Saiki."

He dissapears.

For a fleeting moment, your day feels like a blurry dream- you stare at your hand, steadily counting a precise 5 fingers. You're awake. You're tired, and crave your bed, but you're awake.

The pitter-patter of your feet is all you hear in your quiet apartment before you kick closed the door to your bedroom. It was late now, and if you'd ever fall asleep was a gamble.

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[bellavidasb-blog]

/Dealing with the Suicide of Someone you Love/

I have not shared this yet on Social media until now.  It was just far too painful.  However, I feel brave enough now to share this with you.  So here goes...

On February 4, 2019,  my dad took his own life.  He had struggled with untreated bipolar his whole life and Aspergers (ASD).  About a year ago, he went in for surgery for a Hip replacement and his health went downhill after the surgery due to several infections and pain that doctors could not get rid of.  

Sadly,  my dad did not want to admit he had bipolar.  He thought he only had depression and anxiety because he actually like his mania.  I think this might be true of some people who are bipolar.  They love their Highs, but their Lows scare them.   So, he never saw a Psychiatrist who could accurately diagnose him because he only went when he was Depressed and saw a General Practitioner MD.

Something that bugs me about this is that many Doctors will write a prescription for Antidepressants without truly diagnosing  their patients thoroughly.  They hear the symptoms and just write a prescription without truly understanding what is going on.

While my dad was depressed,  Antidepressants were not the answer for him.  He needed a Mood Stabilizer and he needed a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist to monitor his meds.  

Sadly, I learned after his death that my dad took an antidepressant for a few days,  said it hurt his stomach and abruptly stopped taking it.  A few days later,  he woke up, drove his car to a parking garage 5th floor and jumped without leaving a note of explanation to anyone.  This was so unlike my dad as he loved to write... if he was himself, he would have at least left all of us a note to explain why he did this.  He didn't even kiss my stepmom goodbye that morning when he left.

We are all devastated.  And tragically,  my family has had to deal with suicide many times before... My family has had many people who have committed suicide.  At least 3 of my dad's siblings, two uncles and his grandmother committed suicide.  This is an epidemic of huge proportions in my family.  

I am sharing this with you because I need to talk about this and not sweep it under the rug as suicide is often not talked about.  I might sound like I am making light, but believe me I am not.  I take this very, very seriously.  

In fact, I suffer from depression and anxiety and have taken an antidepressant for 11 years now.  It has helped me cope with stress, anxiety and depression and I know it is something I need.  I have myself been suicidal, but thankfully, was able to pull out of it and get help through counseling and, of course, my medication.  It makes me so sad and upset when people "medication shame" people for taking something that is helping them cope.  

We as a society need to realise some very important Truths about the Brain:

The Brain is an Organ- exactly like any other Major Organ in the Body.

The Brain is highly susceptible to deficiencies in the chemicals it needs to function properly- just like any other Organ in the body!

The Brain can be Low on chemicals just like your Liver or Pancreas.

No one would EVER shame a person with Diabetes for taking Insulin- why is it ok to Shame someone who has low serotonin for taking an SSRI Antidepressant?

The Brain does not replace its cells like other organs in the body and is much more fragile than other organs in the body.

The Brain is highly sensitive to stimuli from the environment, chemicals in the air, foods we eat and the stimuli you are giving it.  

If we can come to think differently about our Brains and how they Function,  we might start to destigmatize "Mental Health".  How about "Brain Health" instead?  No one gets all worked up about "Heart Health" and thinks "People will judge me if they know I am on Cholesterol medication."  Yet,  many people fear others knowing they are depressed, in therapy or taking medications.

I have heard many people tell me, "Well, I have been taking (XYZ) medication for a few months now, but I am trying to get off of it."  I always think,  "WHY!? Is it helping you? Why would you get off something that has helped you feel better?"  I think people feel like they have to qualify why they are on something and then say they don't REALLY need it- it is just temporary to help them through a tough time.  I believe this is because people don't want others to think they are "crazy" or judge them for being on something for depression.  

I suppose it is Ironic that around a year ago when Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain both took their lives so close to each other,  I started a Podcast called "The Erin Show" about Suicide to give support to others and share a little of my story.  I never thought I would be talking about my own Dad's suicide.  

I now realize just how important it is to talk about suicide and depression.  It truly can save someone's life.  I used to hide from others that I took an antidepressant, but I decided a while back to be very open with people about taking medication.  I can't help anyone if I am hiding the truth.  I encourage others to share they take medication and not be afraid others will judge them.  As people start to open up about taking these drugs,  it will defuse the stigma around taking them!  It is so ridiculous that people hide this and are ashamed of it.  Why be ashamed of doing what your body and brain needs?

Not taking an antidepressant (or other appropriately prescribed drug that helps the brain with the lack of chemicals needed to cope) has probably killed far more people in this world from Suicide than the actual pills have done harm to people.  One study showed that nearly 25 Million people have taken their own lives.  That is a staggering and sobering statistic.  

25 Million People!  That is more than any War fought.  The amount of heartache and sorrow generated from those people taking their own lives is overwhelming! And now I am once again feeling their sorrow so deeply.  

This should be at the top of our National Health agenda and yet it is not.  Mainly because it is thought that it is voluntary.  However, what is the root cause of these suicides is our Brain functioning and our coping mechanisms.  

If you have ever been Suicidal, you know that everything else in the world disappears and all you know is how deeply painful your life has become.  There seems no way out of that suffering.  You are not thinking about anyone other than yourself and your pain at that moment.  I know, because I have been there myself.  It is so frightening to feel like that.  I don't want you or anyone to think I am judging you.  I am not.  I don't judge my dad for what he did.  I am heart broken. I am devastated he felt so lonely and afraid in his last moments on this Earth.  It makes me happy he is out of his pain, however.  

Yet,  for anyone who has had this happen to a loved one,  it is a very heavy burden to bear.  It is pain that never really goes away.  There are days that I feel fine, and others that the pain is so heavy I can barely breathe.  

When my brother called me to tell me, he said, "Erin, I just got off the phone with (my stepmom) and Dad killed himself."  Followed by silence.  

I was so stunned that I felt like I sat there with my mind whirlling forever, but it was probably just a split second.  My brother is a joker and was the class clown, so my first thought was, 'He must be kidding. No way would dad do that.' Then, of course, my brain acknowledged, 'No way in hell would he be kidding about dad killing himself.'

My first words were, "What? No.  No way."  At least I think they were because I was in Shock and I can't really remember what I said...  All I remember was it felt like the world ground to a halt and I was in slow motion trying to grasp what had just been said to me.  

"Yes, Erin. This morning," he said compassionately.

"What? How? Why, why would he do that?" I started to cry, completely dumbfounded and reeling from shock, disbelief and horror.

My brother gently told me what had happened and what he had been told.  He tried to comfort me because he knew how close I had been with my dad.  We both told each other how much we loved each other and said we would be heading there to be with my stepmom.  

After I hung up,  I crumpled up on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably.  My heart literally felt like it was tearing in two pieces.  My cat was the only other being there and she came over and gently nuzzled against me trying to comfort me.  I held her and cried sobbing until I could get up.  My mind was racing and I felt like I had just been spun around like a top.  I didn't know what to do.  

I called my husband who was at the doctor and told him sobbing and trying to make sense.  He immediately said, "I'm leaving and I will be right there.  I am so sorry, sweetie.  I love you. I'll be home soon."  

No words can really express that level of grief and sorrow.  As I said, I have had other people I love who took their own lives.  However, nothing can prepare you for losing someone to suicide, especially a parent, who helped give you life, raise you and protect you when you were little.  It is difficult enough having a parent die.  Knowing they did this to themselves is a whole different level of sorrow and loss.

Unless you have experienced this yourself,  it is difficult to truly understand, and I don't wish this on anyone.  I hope you never have to experience this.   I don't know if I will ever not feel this pain when I think of my dad.  My brother is better at focusing on the good times and fun we had with him.  And I know I will get there someday.  

Perhaps it is because I am so empathetic that I suffer from depression.  When you feel emotions very deeply,  it can be a blessing and a curse.  I certainly do where my heart on my sleeve, and so did my dad.  This can make you much more creative and artistic, but it can also be a weapon you use against yourself that can drag you down into despair if you don't keep it in check.  

I want you to know, that even though I am still suffering, I see the beauty of life.  I see the beauty in YOU.  I wrote this article today to help those who feel lost and lonely.  To help those who are sad and feel like they may never feel happy again.  If this is you,  please know that there are so many people out there who love you. Some who you have never even met.  

If my Dad had told even one person that he was Suicidal,  this might not have happened.  If you are depressed and suicidal, Please tell someone who can help you.  I have had people email me who I did not know personally admit they were suicidal and there is nothing I can do other than tell them to please get help and give them the Suicide hotline.  The only way to truly get help is to be honest with someone who will be there to support you and get you help.  

If you don't have someone you can talk to,  you need to be brave enough to find a Psychiatrist and get help for yourself.    I pray that you get better and find happiness again! You deserve to be happy!  We all do!

You can email me if you need support and I will try to help, but I will always tell you to find support close to you as well.  That is the key to breaking out of whatever you are feeling.  Research has proven that all of us crave human connection as one of our basic human needs.  

Most of all, I want you to know that I am rooting for you.  If you can find the strength to keep going,  there is so much beauty waiting for you in this life if you seek it out.  Yes, life can be extremely difficult.  But Life can also be extremely beautiful.  You will see that beauty return if you hold on.  And I pray that you do.  

Thank you for reading my story. I love you all.

God bless you and Keep you,

Erin XOXO

My Email: bellavidasb@gmail.com

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Note: You can also online chat with someone at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a Day every day of the year.  It's free, private and confidential.  

By going to their website, you can find a Local Crisis Center and you can get help,  or you can get information on how to Volunteer, Donate and help support the incredible work they are doing to save lives.  

Please share this post to help others who are suffering from losing someone to Suicide or who are suicidal themselves.  Thank you.  XO

Here are some more resources:

Bipolar Symptoms:  https://www.psycom.net/bipolar-disorder-symptoms/

[sehunsmuabrows]

Forever flame// Park chanyeol (Oneshot)

Prompt:  “I mean, I’m his girlfriend but shoot your shot I guess”

Pairing: Chanyeol x reader

Genre: fluff 

You started dating Chanyeol in sophomore year of highschool after his friends started cheering every time he talked to you, being the ultimate sign that he liked you, and he had told them about it. You had developed a crush on him the year before so you were swift in asking him out when you knew he liked you back. You were the couple that everyone rooted for in high school. When you both were accepted and admitted into the same college, all of your friends were ecstatic, yelling about how you would probably grow old together because you already acted like an old married couple.

Now you were in your Junior year of college, all grown up, and you were still together. You acted the same as you always had, you never acted cheesy or romantic in public or engaged in any PDA whatsoever, even though Chanyeol often hinted that he wished you did. You and Chanyeol had been together since high school, but people could hardly tell that you were a couple unless you were shitfaced. To people who didn’t know you well, the relationship seemed completely platonic. Therefore making Chanyeol an open target for people to hit on him right in front of you, repeatedly. Usually you take it in stride, he always rejects them politely saying that he’s taken while you smugly turn back to whatever you were doing as Chanyeol shuffles awkwardly next to you.

You were cuddling with Chanyeol on the coach of your shared apartment when you got a text from your old roommate that your sorority was having a rager and it was already in full swing. You shot up off of Chanyeol’s lap with a sudden shock, since you had forgotten you were supposed to be there tonight, making sure that nobody goes home with a creep or drives drunk. Chanyeol hopped up soon after you, “Babe, what’s going on?” he said tilting his head to look at the message you were staring at and typing furiously. He groaned loudly seeing the words across the screen.

Since you were one of the only members of your friend group that was in a serious relationship, you were on babysitter duty. You sped off into the bedroom, raiding the closet for an acceptable outfit to wear, since all you were wearing was a pair of old exercise shorts that haven’t fit you properly since you were 16, and a sports bra. You loudly shouted for Chanyeol to come help you pick something out, but the grumble from behind you let you know that he followed you into the room. He reached around you and grabbed a pair of your jeans and one of his big t shirts for you to slip into. “You’ll probably want to stay comfortable, since Laura just got dumped and you’re her mom apparently” you groaned, realizing that your friend Laura was probably going to be a mess.  

“She’s gonna get trashed, leave with some frat boy, and get arrested if I don’t go” you said, causing Chanyeol to nod in recognition, remembering the last time you left her alone at a party.  You got dressed quickly, pulling your hair into a high ponytail as if you were getting ready for war.  

 “Were you like that when we broke up last year? Did you have a babysitter or were you your own?” his question caused you to raise your eyebrow as you slid on his shirt.

“Not really, i’m more of the ‘sit at home, eat junk food and watch rom coms type, plus we were broken up for like a week, I didn’t have that much time to get too unhinged” You said, hustling over to your shoes, cramming your feet into some blue running shoes without untying them.  

“You know we could do that instead, every time I show up at one of these things, Luke tries to set me up with someone as soon as you walk away. Do you know what it’s like having a girlfriend around those guys? They actively encourage me to cheat on you” Chanyeol rants, following you to your car and hoping in the passenger's side.

“I would tell you to stay home, but I need someone to help me haul Laura into the car later. But give them a break, they’re usually faded out of their minds so I doubt their even thinking about your relationship status.” you mentally prepared yourself for the loud music and gross smells that you were surely about to walk into. You could see the usual festivities as you approached the large sorority house. You parked by the curb and rushed passed a beer chugging contest to get into the house. Before you entered, you turned back to look at Chanyeol, who had been following closely behind.  

“You have your phone right? I might lose you in there” you scanned to see if his phone was in his pocket, knowing that he had the tendency to get lost and you didn’t want to have to hunt him down. He rolled his eyes and shook his phone in your face, passing you to walk into the party. Chanyeol’s energy skyrocketed when he saw Minseok, a senior that had mentored him the years before. You weren’t expecting him to be there, considering he didn’t usually show up to these sorts of things and was mostly invested in the academic parts of college. Chanyeol turned to you, seemingly much more upbeat than 10 seconds prior.

“Call me when you’re ready to leave, no rush though” he quickly gave you a kiss on the forehead and turned to join Minseok and his other friends that you didn’t recognize. With that, you left to find Laura, weaving through the crowd, asking people if they had seen her or knew where she was. Eventually you were pointed to a corner of the dance room, where she was making out with one of the RAs. She wasn’t actually doing anything disruptive or damaging yet, and it wasn’t any of your business who she chose to make out with so long as she wasn’t being taken advantage of, so you decided to leave her alone but keep her within eyesight. You saw one of the new freshman sitting alone near the bathroom just a few feet away, so you decided to give her some company.  

“Hey there! I gave you a tour of the engineering department earlier this month right? My name is Y/N if you don’t remember” you smiled brightly at her, holding out your hand to the clearly tipsy freshman. She smiled back at you sincerely, taking your hand with a strong grip.  

“I remember you, the tour was really helpful. My names Tess…” She trailed off and you could barely hear her over the music, causing you to be concerned for her health, before you felt a large hand on your shoulder, commanding your attention. You knew it was Chanyeol immediately when he massaged your shoulder with his thumb before letting go. “Oh hey, where’d Minseok go? I thought you’d be following him around for the rest of the night” you asked, as you turned around to look at him questioningly.  

“I was, but he had to go work on his thesis or something” He sighed, clearly pouting about not being able to hang out with his favorite person for the night. You laughed loudly at his expression, causing a few heads to turn your way, since the music had been turned off for the moment, not that too many people cared. You heard Tess clear her throat, you realized that she was still there listening to your conversation.  

“So Y/N… do you want to introduce me to your friend” She said, stepping towards Chanyeol seductively, anything but good intentions written on her face. You weren’t angry, mainly because you hadn’t made your relationship very clear, and she wasn’t exactly sober. The sight of her coming onto him caused you to chuckle. Chanyeol’s awkwardness was multiplied tenfold when she traced her finger down his chest, his eyes shifted to you in panic, as if asking what he should do in this situation.  

“I mean, I’m his girlfriend but shoot your shot I guess” you said, amused as you stared at the situation that was unfolding in front of you. Tess paused immediately, embarrassment showing on her face. She stepped away from Chanyeol quickly, looking at you apologetically, but you waved her off.  “It happens all the time, don’t even stress” You reassured her.

You started to rub Chanyeol’s back, since he was easily traumatized by things like this. Tess proceeded to ask you all about your relationship, and you answered happily, lovingly looking back on the things that made your relationship special. She may have just been gauging how serious you two were, but you didn’t really care.

After reconnecting with a few people and guarding Laura from dangerous situations, eventually you and Chanyeol hauled Laura into your car and dropped her off at her apartment and handing her over to her roommate. Once you arrived back to your place you were exhausted, you were eternally thankful for Chanyeol giving you his t shirt, since it made for a wonderful night gown. You peeled off your jeans, groaning loudly as you hit the bed, not caring to brush your teeth since you didn’t have any drinks and you ate about a thousand mints in the car. You wanted to cuddle with your boyfriend and fall asleep, but Chanyeol had other plans.  

He huffed loudly as he plopped next to you on your bed after changing into his pajamas, sitting while you lay on your back. The lord really wasn’t with you today.

“You know, when guys hit on you, I make sure to make them go away” he shifted to face you accusingly, you snorted in response.  

“Guys don’t hit on m-”

“That’s because I scare them away” You laughed as the words left his mouth, annoying him either further.

“You’re not very scary, Park Chanyeol” You smiled teasingly, sitting up to face him, since this might turn out to be a long conversation.

He sighed loudly, “Can’t you just act a little protective sometimes, I think it’d be cute, or hot, i’m not sure ‘cause you’ve never done it but I know it would be something” He rambled on about his frustration, you smiled at him again but you recognized how he felt. Since he had always been the touchy and sensitive type, you knew that he probably wished your relationship was more expressive and cliche, and you understood that. Ever since Chanyeol had changed his major to psychology, he had been reading into your actions toward him much more, and you needed to show that you cared for him, even if you had been together for a long time.  

You hugged him close, taking him by surprise, before he melted into your touch, “I’ll do that, i’ll be jealous and snippy when people hit on you, but not so much that it’s unreasonable, just enough to get your rocks off” He choked as you said the last part, but stayed still in your arms. “I’ll call you nicknames and hug you in front of your friends, i’ll be really lovey dovey” You begun to stroke his hair, something that you only tend to do when you’re drunk. “However, relationships are all about compromise,” you felt Chanyeol freeze, worried about what your side of the deal would be, “I get to drive your car to my family reunion next week, not you driving with me to it, it makes me look like your sugar baby. I want you to be the sugar baby this time” You smiled mischievously, thinking about his Audi with stars in your eyes. You felt Chanyeol relax after you said your piece.  

“That’s all? God, I thought you were going to make me do that weird sex ed for adults class your mom is always sharing with me on Facebook” He shuddered, laying down the bed as you let him go.  

“I’m not that cruel, Chan, but that is a hell of a lot better than the ‘future mothers seminar’ she actually made me attend” You laid back down next to him, draping your leg over his torso as you cuddled closer. Chanyeol looked at you horrified at the idea of going to such a seminar.

Your eyelids started to get heavy, and you heaved the large comforter over your body, situating into a more comfortable long term position. You stared at the back of Chanyeol’s head before saying words that you had told him before, but somehow had taken new meaning. You sat up slightly over his body, tapping him on the nose, causing him to open his eyes curiously.  “I love you”  

“I love you too, go to sleep” He grumbled roughly, though his smile was visible through his eyes. In that moment you realized how hopelessly in love you were, and how lucky you were to have loved him this long. No matter how long or how often you saw each other, he never got boring, never disappointed you or doubted you. He was a flame that never burned out or dulled even in the harshest winter.

[readerwinterbarnes]

Bring Me Back

Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky’s stuck, stuck in a way where he thinks the therapy isn’t working. Thankfully he has you to help bring him back.

Word Count: 2,425

Warnings: Bucky’s lost, feels, trapped inside your own head, Bucky feels, fluffy fluff

A/N: Because why not have feels on a Friday? I just want to wrap Bucky in a blanket burrito, hold him tight and chase away his nightmares. Not a lot of dialogue in this one, but packed with tons of feels.

You headed into the kitchen to find something to snack on when you bumped into Steve and Natasha. 

“Hey guys,” You took in Steve’s somber expression and his lack of response, “You okay?” Turning your gaze to where theirs were, you noticed the reason why. Bucky was sitting in his spot again, it was never a good day when he sat there. Usually meant that he was having a drawback from himself and his countless therapies. It was always sad to see him like this, he would be doing so well, then he’d be pulled back three more steps. They watched as he just stared off into space, no longer acknowledging the world around him. Getting lost in his own thoughts, which was never good. For him or the team.

Steve sighed deeply, hurt that there was nothing he could really do to help his friend. “He’s been like this since yesterday. Apparently, the session with his therapist was a rough one, when he left he was no longer responding to anyone or anything. Just went back to his spot and been there ever since.” You could tell that Steve was trying to keep himself together, always needing to stay strong for the team, to keep his emotions dulled back until he could deal with them privately. Nat also seemed to look a little down as well, even if she didn’t show it.

Setting down your coffee, you looked back at them and Bucky’s still form. Making a decision, you got to work on breakfast. Grabbing a pair of bowls and all your favorite fruit along with Bucky’s from the fridge, you diced up everything then dumped it all into the bowls. Topping them both off with a side of yogurt and whip cream, since Bucky loved this type of food any time of day. And during a time like this, it would be easier for his stomach to handle, rather than eating heavy foods.

“Give us some time yeah? Just continue on with your normal daily routine Steve, he knows you’re worried about him, but sitting here and waiting for him to break out of it will only keep him like this longer. He’d hate to have you sit here and worry about him. I heard the gardens in the park look better than last year.” You smiled kindly at Steve, grabbing the fruit bowls and drinks, making your way over to Bucky. Knowing full well that Steve would take the hint and grab his art stuff to spend some personal time in the park.

You knew Bucky could tell that you were making your way towards him, his impeccable training always in use. You actually liked the spot he chose, it was by the window in the corner, enough room to move but also feel comfortable with the way it blocked everyone else out. The view was absolutely gorgeous, looking out towards the city skyline, especially when the sunset out on the horizon. It was calming in a way, quite, no loud noises, stress from traffic and the bustling life in the streets. Making sure you gave him his space, you sat down leaning against the opposite pillar, setting down his food and juice within his reach if he wanted it.

You looked out the window a bit, then started a game of Words With Friends with Nat, Tony, and Clint in between bites of fruit. You never asked how he was doing or feeling, cause honestly, that was pretty stupid and kinda obvious. Not to mention having a therapist hounding you with those type of questions would get annoying, let alone frustrating. No, Bucky always needed a different approach, one that reminded him that he was still and always a human being. Not some emotionless robot who couldn’t take care of himself.

“Nat you smart bastard, now I’m twenty points behind you. How the hell did you come up with that word quizzify?” You glared at the screen, looking at your own words thinking of how you can get your points back up to match hers. Playing with Nat was always a battle, each of you trying to out word the other. Not ten seconds after you put in your word, she responded with one that again put her a few points above you. “How? This is completely unfair, I swear she’s a living dictionary that one.” Taking another bite of fruit, you watched a pair of birds flying nearby, eventually them passing the window. However, that wasn’t the movement that caught your eye. You noticed Bucky’s arm twitch before slowly reaching for his own bowl of fruit. You didn’t acknowledge it though, not wanting him to draw back into himself again. He’ll talk when he’s ready, so you weren’t going to push him into responding to you.

So you continued on with your game, cursing under your breath when Nat put down another word that put her in the lead. Again. Eventually, you finished your fruit, then moved onto your juice. After losing yet another game with Nat, you gave up and decided to play a different game, Maze Runner, loving the adrenaline rush it gave you. You were so involved in the game, close to beating your personal high score, not to mention Clint’s, that you failed to notice Bucky watching you. Head tilted to the side slightly without turning his body, but his full attention was focused on you.

The way your whole focus was on the game you played, determination filling your face, the way you stuck out your tongue in concentration. Which he actually found adorable. He knew you couldn’t tell that your body was leaning forwards more with each passing second, focus still on your phone. But he watched the excitement fill your eyes, worried they were going to pop out of your head as they continued to widen. Soon enough, you were on your knees cheering in victory as you finally beat your high score.

“Beat that Clint! Ha! Beat my score AND yours!” Forgetting who you were with at the moment, you jumped up and put your fists in the air in Rocky mode, but your moment was short-lived, as you came to your senses and realized that you were not quite alone and had an amused silent audience. Fists still in the air, you looked down to see Bucky looking up at you with a hint of a sparkle in his eyes. The corners of his lips twitching, wanting so desperately to smile, but held back. “Uh, sorry ‘bout that. Um...been trying to beat my high score for a while and Clint always managed to beat me…” when you received no response from him, you sheepishly lowered your arms, now self-conscious of your actions.

“Hehe, you probably don’t need to hear about that,” you said quietly, hoping that you weren’t making this situation any more awkward than it already was. Well in your opinion it was, you probably looked like a total nutcase in front of him. Which didn’t help, since you had feelings for the rugged, hard-muscled assassin, who just happened to be your best friend.

Then again, you got no response from him, except his eyes watching you, you decided to end the awkward moment and leave. Starting to pick up your empty dishes, you refused to meet his eyes. Probably thinking that he’d actually want to be alone now and have his space. But a quiet voice made for only one person to hear, stopped you from going any further than a few feet.

“Please don’t go.”

Standing straight, you replayed those words over and over again. And they always came out the same way, broken, alone, frightened of what would happen if you were to disappear. Of what would happen to him if he was left alone. A voice that so desperately wanted someone to stay with him, protect him from whatever was going on through his head. Someone who desperately wanted a friend, who specifically wanted you to stay.

He wasn’t looking at you when you turned around, but you could tell that he was watching you. Waiting to see if you’d actually act on his plea for help. He might be the most feared assassin anyone has seen and read about, who always had the perfect mask on 24/7, but what you saw in front of you was the complete opposite. You saw a man who believed he was truly broken and couldn’t be fixed, no matter how many countless hours of therapy he goes to. Or how deep he goes into explaining his daily torture of memories of a life he once had, one he was forced to have and one he wasn’t quite sure how to adapt to.

Setting the dishes on the ground, you went to the couch and pulled a few pillows, Tony’s huge comforter and headed back to Bucky. Without saying a word, you laid everything out, then proceeded to lie down on your back. Once situated, you looked at him and opened your arms in invitation. Hoping that he’d take it and just be comforted. He didn’t need much convincing, for he took your offer right away. Crawling towards you, until he was sprawled out by your side, ear placed over your heart, head tucked underneath your chin. He grabbed the end of the comforter and threw it across both your bodies so only your guys' heads were peeking out from underneath. You didn’t say anything when you felt your shirt grow damp, nor did you say anything about his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs of pain. Instead, you just held him, kissing his forehead, whispering softly to him, brushing the hair out of his face. But mainly just holding him, giving him the comfort he so desperately wanted but was terrified to ask for.

Safety in your own cocoon, the two of you laid there for hours. The room quiet despite the sounds of whimpers and soft-spoken words. Soon enough, Bucky cried himself to sleep. Carefully, you wiped away the remaining tears, tangling your legs with his, freezing when he began to shuffle around so he was practically spooning you like a koala. Which you didn’t mind, you’d be his tree, if he’d be your koala.

“You’re safe now Bucky, you’ll always be safe here. And I’ll always be here to bring you back, to fight your demons when you think you can’t. Sleep well my favorite assassin.” You whispered softly to him before you yourself slipped off to sleep.

You woke up to a bright light shining on your face. Squinting your eyes, you look around to see that you slept through the rest of yesterday, the night and it was now late morning. Your movement caused a tiny whimper from your left. Turning towards the sound, memories of last night came back to you, as you watched Bucky shift slightly before settling back on your chest. You didn’t dare move, not wanting to disturb the deep sleep he was getting.

Looking over his shoulder, you noticed the rest of the team standing at the entrance of the room shocked. Unsure of how to respond to the sight before them. Nat, however, was the first one to act. “We’ll get started on breakfast and call you when it’s ready. Is he still only able to stomach fruit?” That’s what you loved about Nat, her tendency to care deeply for everyone, even if she was careful about how she displayed it.

Nodding, she smiled at you before heading towards the kitchen with everyone minus Steve. Who was standing there like a pillar that threatened to crumble down in a heap from a single blow. You knew he wanted to know how his friend was doing and if he managed to climb out of this whole he was currently in. Running your fingers through Bucky’s hair, holding him tighter to you, feeling overjoyed when he responded positively to the action. You gave Steve an encouraging smile, which he understood perfectly. Smiling himself, shoulders relaxing a bit more, before heading to the kitchen himself.

Breakfast was now ready and you hated when Bucky missed a meal, especially breakfast, his most favorite meal of the day. So you had no choice but wake him up, calling his name tenderly. “Bucky, you have to get up. Nat and the guys made breakfast.”

“Mmnn...don’wanna. No breakfast, s’tired, girlfriend comfy…” He grumbled back uninterested in getting up, you, however, were frozen at the last statement. Girlfriend? What? “Stop thinking so hard, heard your confession, which was quite adorable by the way. And yes before you act, I share the same feelings towards you Y/N. And would like you to be my girlfriend...if you want.” You turned your head towards him, to already find him looking at you, uncertainty but a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“I’d love to be your girlfriend!” Replying cheerfully, but quickly composed yourself, “I mean...sure.” Bucky shook his head, smiling widely at you, lifting himself onto his elbow to gaze down at you fondly. You held your breath, waiting anxiously for his next move, secretly hoping that he’d kiss you. Which he did. He leaned down the rest of the way, sliding his lips over yours slowly, humming deeply when you responded in kind. Sadly, the kiss was short-lived, but you didn’t mind.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me Y/N. You always manage to bring me back from my darkest times, when I feel as if nothing is working.” He leaned his forehead against yours breathing deeply, “You never left me alone, never pushed me and were just...there for me.” You held his face in your hands.

“I’ll always help bring you back Bucky, you’d do the same for me.” There were a few seconds of silence before your stomach grumbled loudly in complaint of not having breakfast. Bucky laughed out loud, getting the message. Standing up, he offered you his hand helping you up, still holding onto your hand as you both made your way to the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. Bucky sat beside Nat, you across from Steve who looked thrilled to see Bucky smiling and laughing with Nat and Clint. You gave him a knowing nod, letting him know that Bucky was going to be okay.

And you meant what you said to Bucky before, you’d always be there to help bring him back. Knowing he would never be alone.

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[wildflower8281]

#nunlife

A lot of people ask me what #nunlife was like and why I left. So I’m answering some of that here in various parts because #nunlife is so multi-faceted, happens in steps and in 8 years I experienced many sides of it! Also, the reasons why I left deserve some space, thought and clarity. 😊 While I do get saucy in various parts because lots of my #nunlife was kinda cray, I also would not change my time in the convent because it has brought me to where I am now, a space and a life that is full and bright. So even though I call out some of the bullshit antics here and in other places I’ve written, I also still hold much love for the actual humans who I grew up with there (I was age 22-30 in the convent, with many of the same) and who I know are still living that life with good intentions. Also, I know there are many former nuns who prefer not to revisit convent life or remember things, which I honor. For me, I have no problem sharing (really?!) any parts of it - the good, the bad and the ugly. And honestly, sharing has helped me to make others aware and also reap the wisdom from those years for my own life and spirit. 

Below is everything from our insane schedule, sleeping on pieces of wood to chauffeuring the priests around. Also the cool stuff like traveling to the White Mountains of New Hampshire every summer, playing volleyball and getting a new name. Oh and why the sound of a bell is semi-ptsd for me! 

In adjectives only, nun life was: fun, challenging, quiet, loud, sacrificial, routine, adventurous, exhausting, annoying, ignorant, blind, well-intended, broken and beautiful. Full of humanity, right?!

What order? I entered The Servants of the Lord & the Virgen of Matara (ssvm), they are the female branch of the larger Religious Family of the Incarnate Word, mostly a missionary catholic priesthood, originally founded in Mendoza, Argentina in 1984. (www.ive.org; www.iveamerica.org)  The order has definitely had it’s fair share of shadiness that has recently come to light, but honestly none of that had any personal, major effects on my life or leaving. The sisters were founded in 1988, marking 30 years this year (www.ssvm.org; www.ssvmusa.org) They are a catholic missionary order and so when I met the ssvm while attending Catholic U. in DC, they had only been in the states for maybe a handful of years. They only had probably 7 American sisters, most of them still in formation. I think my class was probably only the 4th or 5th class here in this province (which now includes USA, Guyana, Surinam, Mexico & Canada!) Still to this day, the Novitiate formation houses for both the men and women resides in Maryland, very close to DC.

Entering the Convent: I entered at age 22, only 9 months after graduating college. I entered the Novitiate House/Convent, where both postulants and novices lived together. Postulancy is the stage upon entrance until a girl receives her habit & religious name. At this point, that is usually a year or longer. For me, back in the early days of SSVM in this province, it was only 11 months and for some of my classmates, it was only 1-4 months. The order did not have a certain level of church approval yet (it only had local ones or something,) so we didn’t yet have to follow canonical rules, which was fine and semi-normal.

When I entered, there was a novice class already living in the house that consisted of all Americans and 1 Philipina. They were about 8. My class that followed was also 8, but we were much more diverse: 3 Americans, a pair of Pakistani twins (truth), 1 Haitan, 1 Mexican and 1 Guatemalan. Of the 8 of us, only myself and the Mexican girl eventually left. Of the novice class before me, 4 remain and 4 left. The ones who remain have been and are still in various missions all over the world such as Italy, Tunis, France, and various places across the US.  

My Religious Name: Technically now after about a year of postulancy, the sisters are given their religious names in a special, fancy ceremony and Mass. We were allowed to propose names, but also ultimately our superiors chose them for us. The name given to me was: Sr. Maria Lumen Christi, which is Latin for Sr. Mary, Light of Christ. I loved the name and really resonated with it. As all of us were named after Mary in some fashion, we went by the 2nd part, so I was Sr. Lumen, or just Lumen (as we called each other) for the next 8 years. (I still feel that my “calling” here is to Be Light, so that name still is most definitely a part of my being from all eternity.)

Novitiate Life – Koolaid Initiation: I spent about a year and ½ in this house and for the most part, it was pretty fun and I loved it. It was actually a house in a small Bowie, MD neighborhood that had been turned into a convent (which only meant that 1 room was created into a Chapel basically.) It had 4 bedrooms upstairs that were stocked with bunk beds (except for the Superior’s room,) a kitchen & dining room, a library room, a study/classroom, the chapel and a backyard where I played my first volleyball games. At our smallest, we were probably 8 or so, and at our largest in that house we were probably around 20, definitely more than allowed. The class who entered after me was large, to the point where we set up bunks in the library and in the garage that summer, until my class moved out to the Juniorate House in DC that Fall. It was community living at it’s best.

Everything in convent life was scheduled. We had a weekly schedule, divided into the days, divided into hours, marked by the bell ringer, which was an actual job. (To this day, whenever I hear a certain tone of bell, I am brought right back – it’s semi-ptsd and semi-nostalgic for me! Truly.) These years were basically learning how to live like a nun, how to live in community, as well as studying the catholic faith. A normal day in the Novitiate House might look like this:

Take a good, long look at that one! 

If anyone ever gives me shit for being slightly cray about my personal time, tell them to go live that life for 8 years and get back to me! 

Work duties consisted of various tasks to keep the house in order: cleaning, laundry, sacristy (taking care of the things in the chapel), cook (not cooking every meal, but meal planning for the house & coaching those of us who had never cooked in our lives!), librarian, liturgy (prepping all music & songs for Mass & prayer) etc. There were also sisters in charge of sports and recreational activities. There were also “drivers” – as some, but not all of us could drive. Picking and dropping of the priests for Mass  (yes, that was a thing…don’t get me started) and various other things we needed them for was a daily task.  In this house, there were only 2 showers, 1 phone line and maybe 1-2 computers. Needless to say, we all learned about community in very real ways.

While the novitiate years were mainly focused on community life and study, with some apostolic work on weekends (like teaching ccd, etc) once a sister left the novitiate, she entered the Juniorate House of Studies, where all of that only intensified & multiplied.

Below: the novitiate and juniorate houses present day. The superiors and lead sisters in these houses were girls I lived with for many years. 

Juniorate House of Studies – A Whole Lotta Crazy: A sister usually would

 spend 2-3 years here and begins her life in this house only after her first profession of temporary vows (poverty, chastity and obedience.) It was all the things above – including the hour by hour daily schedule complete with large bell ringing & everything - except everything was more – classes, responsibilities, hours awake, hours driving, cleaning, cooking for more, etc. It was meant to be a harder, more demanding lifestyle, in preparation for “missionary life.” The house was huge, there were 2-3 classes of sisters living together, usually over 20 of us, plus the superior and formators (older sisters who help the superior in various specific arenas like discipline & studies.) (Again, if ever anyone wonders why I revel in living alone…!!!!) Thankfully there were way more bathrooms and showers here, but sadly it was in SE DC, so there was not a yard to play in, but we had access to the school gym which is where we would play volleyball and basketball about once a week if we were lucky. Sleep here was less, despite the fact that work was more. We would rise at 6 I think, but usually were not in bed until 11pm. If you had to pick up Father, you were up at probably 515am. While there was still a siesta scheduled in the Juniorate, very often sisters would catch up on work or study during that hour because there was just not time enough in the day to keep ahead of the game. While it sounds like nun-studies might be an eye roll, the order is actually super academic and takes studies very seriously. We learned some high level philosophy, metaphysics, church history, roman history, not to mention Latin, Spanish and Italian studies. A shit ton of church documents, papal letters, names, dates, etc. It wasn’t just make sure you know the Saints and the 10 commandments. This order knows their Catholic doctrine, history and all of the Church documents really intensely. So, classes, studying and exams were very real and for some caused a great deal of stress.

Despite the demanding schedule and responsibilities, these years were probably the most fun and enjoyable for me, because I was not in charge and didn’t have enough time to realize how much I naturally disliked a lot of people and a lot of movement, ha! I was too busy people pleasing and trying to be a good, docile, generous nun! But honestly, a lot of us were around the same age – 18 to early 30s – and generally had a great time together. There were a shit ton of cultural differences that we all were challenged by and eventually learned to honor, as they all made us more open and wiser. Meals together, sports, road trips to other convents or shrines or holy sites, recreation and games, and religious feasts and celebrations were usually joyful & lively, with an abundance of good food, guitar playing and lots of songs. We celebrated the various represented cultures with feasts of ethnic food, drinks, music and ceremonies. Every summer, we would drive up to the White Mountains of New Hampshire for vacation. We would spend a month hiking those awesome mountains, swimming in lakes, camping, playing volleyball, barbecuing and singing around the campfires. Those were also pretty amazing times, despite the on-the-go routine and lack of sleep!

Things to notice about these years: the young ages, the lack of free unstructured time, the lack of sleep, the dozens of hours being taught by a superior or priest (read: Koolaid,) the lack of time alone, catering to the priests…Anyone who knows me, knows that I do think the life was and is a cult...I just never noticed it until years later. (Still wouldn’t change it though! lol!)

Deny Thyself: Penances, YAY!

Some things that are rarely brought up in conversations about #conventlife are the physical penances. As most people know, Catholics practice various forms of penance. Our order was and is very old school, orthodox Catholic and so the physical penances were very much a part of the spirituality and practice. This may be new or surprising or crazy to you, but for us it was pretty freaking normal and eventually not a big deal. I understand if you read this and think that we were like trying to live in the 1500s. It was like that sometimes!

o   Fasting: every Friday of the year (except a few) it was encouraged to fast until dinner. This was always optional. There were all kinds of ways to fast, including removing sugar or milk from coffee, only eating bread or fruit, etc. There were a zillion ways to deny the palate & appetite and we were allowed to do whatever worked for us.  

o   Hair shirt: this was introduced in the Juniorate and we could wear it in accordance with what our spiritual director allowed. It was basically a lightweight chainlink belt that we wore around our waist, under our habit, as a penance – to remind us that we are sinners, or to remind us ‘what Christ suffered for our sins.’

o   Self-flagellation: also a thing! In the juniorate, we were given a medium sized whip made of rope, I don’t remember the name. At least once a week, we would perform community self-flagellation, on our knees, at night before we all went to sleep, usually to the duration of a decade of the Rosary (a few minutes.) This may have increased during Lent, like 1 extra day a week. Since it was an obvious thing, it wasn’t easy to do it secretly. I’m sure many of us also performed this penance during silent retreat weeks and months.

o   Sleeping on Wood: I discovered this option for penance at a visit to a NY convent, when I was still in the Juniorate. Girls would elect to remove their mattress and use a similar size piece of plywood to sleep on. I asked to do this my last year in the Juniorate and slept this way my 4 years in Harlem.

These are just the main forms I remember, and only physical penances. There were a zillion other ways we learned to “deny ourselves” throughout the day mentally, emotionally, etc. But I thought the physical was worth noting since I would guess most folks don’t think these types of penances still exist, except in some strict monastic convents maybe. Well, they do!

And on that fun note, I will end this post! 

Up next: Sent to Spanish Harlem!

[randisnotonfire-blog]

Just a bit out of my league Pt.3 Stan Uris X Reader/Henry Bowers X Reader Modern AU

 Summary: (Also I changed this btw) Drama, drama, and more drama is all that can describe the messy Tozier family right now. Y/n is still battling whether or not to leave Henry just for the sake of her safety. You and Richie’s mom is deciding if she wants to really send Richie off to a mental institution because she found out about his friend group and him trying to kill Pennywise. Even with forgiveness this will all end in tears and heartbreakers doing the usual; heartbreaking. Henry had apologized to Y/n but their relationship is at stake mainly from the fighting. Stan, oh poor Stan. Forever stuck in the friendzone Stan ends up telling Y/n the truth causing an, already, horrible triangle between Y/n, Henry, and Stan himself in Pt.4!

Song: Out of my league by Fitz and the Tantrums and DNA by Lia Marie Johnson bc these both fit the theme PERFECTLY

Warnings: Fluff, angst, depressing parts, cursing, underage drinking, not taking advantage of people, some humor, family drama

A/n:Okay so I do but I don’t have writers block atm so thats sucks (Insert dick joke bc I am a walking female version of Richie Tozier) but eh at least I get to write for a bit anyways x3 also the drama in this kind of but doesn’t remind of Stranger Things season 2 but like I am still flipping my shit bc season 2 comes out in 15 days so like ye also SO SO SO sorry if Henry and anybody else is like super oc (Original character)

    If you are sensitive to family and love drama then please don’t read,                                                        You have been warned

    (Not my photo I just found it on ye old internet but like this fits one of the scenes in Pt.3 lol)

                                           *          *         *

    You don’t even know why Henry had skipped the rest of school today but it just happened. He seemed off, ever since that fight he backed off a bit but it was still a ‘okay’ relationship. When you walked home you found your mom sitting at the dining room table with Richie talking about stuff… “Richie I really do think it would be a good idea for you to be in a mental institution sweetie” Your mom sounded off…different. She didn’t sound like the alcoholic she was. You walked up to the entry way but you were in the position of not being seen unless you moved somewhere different. “Mom seriously I am fine” “No Richie you need to leave!” she said her voice cracking from being stressed. You felt heavy tears trying to release from your soft emerald green eyes but you tried to fight it. “Just fight back the truth” you thought to yourself. “Mom! I am perfectly fine here! Remember we only moved here so Y/n would be better about everything! And to get away from fucking dad..” Richie said loudly but softly saying the last part about your dad. “Richie…-” before your mom could finish talking Richie got up and left the table. Leaving the house to just you and your mom.  “Mom..” you said walking to the seat Richie had been sitting at. “You saw everything” you nodded then took a seat at the table. “It’s going to be fine..trust me” you gave her a pain killing smile and she broke down and her flustered cheeks filled with heavy crystal blue tears. You closed your heavy lids then she got up and left the room. “Mom wait” You said somewhat softly knowingly that she wouldn’t be able to hear you. “Love you…” you spoke in a whisper tone, letting the tears flood you ran your hands through your hair and started to full on cry. 

              The next morning you woke up in your bed, which you don’t even remember getting in here. You had woken up from a nightmare but thankfully it was Saturday morning. Sitting up in bed you looked around and to your surprise you were still wearing last night’s clothes. Then you noticed Henry, he was sitting at your bay window looking out at the fall leaves. “How did you get in here…?” You said then his head quickly turned to look at you. “You called me to get here” he mumbled but you could still understand him. “And then what happened?” you said fully clueless. “As I said you called me, you said about some spare key in a bush. Then when I got here it looked like you got into some of your mom’s alcohol…So I had to carry you up here because your mom would be pissed if she saw you like that” he said as he walked over to your bed and sat down next to you. “Y/n you know it’s okay that you did that” “No it’s not” you shook your head then looked at him in the eye. “Don’t tell anyone, promise?” you said then he smiled back and said “Promise”. Then the next thing I knew, my hand was on his shoulder and my face was close to Henry’s. It was like some sort of “Kiss-me” body language. I didn’t want it to seem as if we both took advantage of the situation but he went for it. Then his cheek was against mine, I knew it was now or never actually have my first kiss like this with him. But the thought of us making out after a night of me drinking alcohol was too much, So I said the first mood-killing thing that popped in my head. “I-I think Richie might be aw-” he ignored me trying to get out of this. Henry was obviously the one to be like this but it still was mixed feelings for me. Our worlds collided as soon as we met in a different way. The door than swung open to reveal Richie complaining that he is hungry. “What the fu-!” he yelled then in a natural instinct, for when your brother walks in on you fucking making out with your boyfriend,you jumped up letting go of him.

     “Why aRE YOU HERE HENRY!” Richie yelled. The face you gave him was “Shut up and is mom home??” he nodded “Yeah she is home” just from knowing. “Get out!” you yelled back at him. “Fine!” Richie said putting his hands up then slammed the door shut and walked away. You got up and walked over to change into something different, Henry quickly went on his phone just to distract him from staring at you. 

                                              *       *      *

  “Hey Henry, how is your dad sweetie?” your mom asked when she saw you and Henry walking downstairs into the kitchen. “He is doing okay Mrs.Tozier” he smiled through the lie he told your mom then let go of your hand so you could sit down at the dinner table. Then Richie came barreling in wearing super baggy navy green jeans and a band shirt. “Are you seriously going to be wearing that today?” you said as you were putting your hair up in a high ponytail. “Yes I am Y/n” he said as he sat down next to you. “Mom is it okay if Eddie and maybe Stan comes over today?” Richie spoke up once he set down his phone so he could start eating the breakfast your mom made. Everything was weird and different. It was almost like a normal family, your mom actually made breakfast and wasn’t wasting her time drinking away her problems, Richie actually acted like the typical little brother and wasn’t cursing 24/7. But it was nice for once. You caught Henry staring at you, when you looked over at you he smiled. “what the aCTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON” you thought yourself. Am I losing my mind?? You looked around to see if there was any alcohol bottles anywhere but one was to be found in the trash, it was full. “Sorry but yes they can come over Richie” your mom said softly. She walked over to turn off the TV, walked back and placed the food on the dinner table, then sat down. “Well this is different” you mumbled. “Y/n are you okay?” Richie looked over at you. “No I am not okay Richie” “Watch the attitude” Your mom spoke up. Henry was ignoring everything and just eating everything on his plate. “Y/n?” Henry said,you gave him a soft ‘mhm’ “Mrs. Tozier, is it okay if me and Y/n go out for a bit?” “Sure just if you guys are staying out late she needs to be home by around 7pm” Henry nodded, grabbed his belongings then took you by the hand and left. 

    “I n-need to tell you something” Henry said as he took a deep sigh. When you two were holding hands he looked you in the eyes, you both ended up stopping by the bridge. “You can tell me anything Henry” he nodded. “Don’t tell anyone please.” You nodded. “I k-killed him…” you were shocked by this. “Who is him?” you said softly. “My dad” he muttered in a somewhat mad tone. “Henry I can’t hear you, please speak up baby” you said as you looked at his guilty face. “I said I killed my dad!” he said loudly. You closed your eyes, “Can you please just walk me home, the sun is setting..” you fought off any sadness you felt for his dad because his dad was a total asshole. You started walking back home but Henry stopped you, “Please Y/n don’t leave me. I’m safe to be around, you’re safe” he said the last part in a almost non audible tone. “Henry I know it’s just- I need to get home” Henry shook his head. “You can walk yourself home” he said as he went opposite directions home. You sighed and walked yourself home. 

                                                    *        *       *

  “Mom I’m home!” You called out as you closed the door. “No you need to leave Went! (According to WIKI fucking WIKI for Stephen king’s movies and books lmao it said that Richie’s dad’s name is Wentworth Tozier so like correct me if im wrong in the comments) the kids do not want to fucking see you!” Your mom shouted at the top of her lungs. Then you heard a glass bottle shatter. You flinched slightly and walked up to the kitchen walk way. You hid yourself but only you could see what was going on. “If you already have another fucking girlfriend then you need to pack your shit and leave!” Your mom screamed. You saw the broken glass bottle, it was a wine bottle, then you saw a non-broken bottle sitting on the table. “I will leave when I fucking want to leave Maggie!” Your dad screamed back at her (Maggie is Richie’s mum just to clear that up too) you hated seeing them both like this. But you couldn’t help wonder, how did it go from normal mom to your mom and dad both fighting. This hadn’t happened since Richie was in elementary school. Almost 4 years ago… You snapped back into reality when you felt a hand on your shoulder, in reaction you turned around and it was Richie. “We should go up to our rooms…” “Why?” and as if on cue: “I’m calling the fucking cops!” Your mom screamed. “That’s why” Richie said as he pointed at your mom. “Y-yeah..” You said as you both rushed upstairs.

     “Why does this all have to happen Y/n” Richie said, you had both been sitting in your room on the floor. He had his head resting on your shoulder, it felt like forever since you both had to do this. Just listening to the screams and the cop sirens felt too real, “It’s going to be fine Richie” you closed your eyes and reminded yourself not to cry since you and Richie both had already been crying over all that has happened. “No it won’t and you know it won’t too Y/n” he spoke heartbreaking words. Then Richie’s phone started going off, Bill had a request to face time. Richie quickly lifted his head up off of your shoulder then answered the facetime call. “Hey Bill” Richie said with a pain-killing smile. “Why are you in your sister’s room…” Bill said after he took a sip from his water bottle. “uh-” “It’s fine Bill, I’m up here with him” You interrupted him because you knew it made him pissed off a bit. “Shut up” Richie said. You giggled a bit causing Richie to roll his eyes. “Is that Y/n” Stan whispered to Bill but you could both hear him on the other line. “Yeah, why?” Bill said. Then Stan sent him a text saying that he liked Y/n, when Bill looked at the text he nearly choked on his drink. “OH YEAH BECAUSE OF HIS FISH” Bill said trying to not blow his cover. Then Stan appeared on the screen. “Hey Y/n, Richie” he said with a nervous laugh. “Wait why do i hear police sirens! RICHIE Y/N ARE YOU FUCKING OKAY!?” Eddie then yelled since he was having a sleepover with Bill and Stan. “Yeah it’s just ya know…local kid threw a rock…at my window…” You said and looked at Richie, “Yeah it was some psycho!” “I doubt that Richie” Stan said with a bland expression on his face. “Whatever” 

                                      To be,

                                                       Continued 

@lovertozier 

[successaesthetics]

WOW it’s a miracle I have been tagged and have actually remembered to play the game!! Moment of silence to observe this momentous day ;)

Thanks to the sweet @studyingraphics for the tag!!

Game rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (or however many you feel like lol)

LAST: 1. drink: wine :3 2. phone call: my best friend from college! 3. text message: to a good friend about her new boy <3 4. song you listened to: Despacito by Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee omgggg. Makes me want to dance and also be fluent en español lol 5. time you cried: eh...earlier this week. Stupid breakup stuff.

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: Nope! 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nahh. #NoRagerts 8. been cheated on: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Honestly who knows. 9. lost someone special: Sadly, yes. C’est la vie. 10. been depressed: Yes, unfortunately. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Again....unfortunately.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Navy, maroon, and lavender.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: Yes! So many awesome friendships. 16. fallen out of love: Yes, sadly. 17. laughed until you cried: Omg yes, those are the best laughs. 18. found out someone was talking about you: Not that I recall. 19. met someone who changed you: Probably.  20. found out who your friends are: For sure. 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Welp....he’s not on my facebook list anymore....

GENERAL: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know: Liiike 99%  23. do you have any pets: Used to have a pupper. She was the greatest pup that ever lived and I’ll never love again WAHHH. 24. do you want to change your name: Not really. I mean, aside from never being called my birth name ever, I’m good haha. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: My boyfriend at the time came up to visit and it was a pretty shitty birthday because we were on the verge of breaking up. 26. what time did you wake up: 4:45 AM 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Falling asleep to a cheesy chick flick on Netflix (seriously check out Picture Perfect bc Jennifer Aniston is perfection as always) 28. name something you can’t wait for: To visit my little sister in Spain!! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: About an hour ago loll 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: How much my anxiety controls my life every day. It’s often crippling and sometimes I don’t deal with it very well at all. 31. what are you listening to right now: Nothing except for Despacito playing in my head lmao 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes I work with two Toms haha. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: Ignorance/racism/sexism/homophobia, etc. etc. 34. most visited websites: Is Instagram considered a website if it’s the app? Well. That.

LOST QUESTIONS: 35. mole/s: I don’t think I have any? 36. mark/s: I have this birthmark on my had that’s almost invisible in winter, but is very dark in summer when I get tan (”tan,” lol). My dad realized it was there when I was like 16 and told me to go wash my hands bc he thought it was dirt. 37. childhood dream: I wanted to grow up to be a vet with a big family. 38. hair color: Mousy brown. Kinda hate it, but too lazy and cautious to do anything with it color-wise 39. long or short hair: Short! Used to have hair down to my butt but short for the last year or so. 40. do you have a crush on someone: When do i NOT have a crush on someone, let’s be honest. I crush hard on everyone lol. 41. what do you like about yourself: My eyes/eyebrows, my brains bc I’m brilliant (shh), my ~bubbly~ personality as described by friends and coworkers. 42. piercings: 5 ear piercings. Wish I had courage for a nose piercing haha. 43. blood type: Not a dang clue and I’m deathly afraid of needles so we ain’t finding out! 44. nickname: Ceej 45. relationship status: Single as a Pringle, in the best way (Pringles are delicious, get over it) 46. zodiac: Libra 47. pronouns: She/her 48. favorite tv show: Friends, probably.  49. tattoos: I wishhhhhhh. I want a sleeve so badly. 50. right or left hand: Right 51. surgery: Unfortunately. 52. hair dyed in different color: Never had it. 53. sport: To play? Softball. To watch? Football or wrestling (I know, judge me. It’s good when it’s real lol) 54. where’s 54 (<--lol this threw me off at first but I’m leaving it) 55. vacation: I don’t know what this is asking lol. Next vacation is Europe YAY! 56. pair of trainers: Huh?? Sure, i’ll take a good lookin’ pair of trainers ;)

MORE GENERAL: 57. eating: Pizza rolls (judge me) 58. drinking: Riesling 59. I’m about to: Get ready for work tomorrow and go the heck to sleep! 60. stop skipping numbers, dear author, it’s cheating  (,<-- lol again) 61. waiting for: The sun to go down so I can sleep 62. want: To be over this breakup, to have enough money to not be stressed about paying student loans every month, to be able to travel freely 63. get married: One day, yeah. 64. career: Graphic design!

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. hugs or kisses: Hugs cause you can get them from anyone and they’re so cozy :) 66. lips or eyes: Mmmm both. Eyes though, if I had to choose. 67. shorter or taller: LOL everyone is taller than me. 68. older or younger: Oldr? 69. COME ON IT REALLY IS CHEATING. at this moment is what, 89 questions to answer you lying duck 70. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms. 71. sensitive or loud: Sensitive I guess?  72. hook up or relationship: Relationship. Not into hookups. I get attached way too quickly for that shit lol. 73. troublemaker or hesitant: Depends haha. 

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: Nope 75. drank hard liquor: Yes ma’am 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t wear them 77. turned someone down: Lol yes 78. sex in the first date: Noooope 79. broken someone’s heart: Yuuuuup 80. had your heart broken: Unfortunately, but again, that’s life. 81. been arrested: Nope 82. cried when someone died: Too much 83. fallen for a friend: Yup and that’s how all my relationships have started lol

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: Sometimes. I try to. 85. miracles: Yessm. 86. love at first sight: I don’t think so. I think it could be infatuation, but I think love is a lot deeper and how can you love someone if you literally just laid eyes on them? Idk. 87. santa claus: OBVI one of the best Christmas movies ever ijs. 88. kiss on the first date: Eh. Idk. I’ve never dated a guy that wasn’t a good friend first so idk how to date lololol. But probs not. 89. *coughs* 88 questions

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: Danielle! Best friend for 10 years :) 91. eye color: Green mainly, with blue around the edges. 92. favorite movie: Omg way too many favorite movies. Cinderella Man is the first one that comes to mind. Oh, and Hitch.

Now I’ve done way too much typing so if you see this and want to play along, consider yourself tagged!!

For everyone else, I tag @intellectys @obsidianstudy @notebuddy @anikasprocrastinatingagain @genspen @allydsgn @legallychic @alqariyah @seduloustudy @sassypitbull @xxjammyjamiexx and anyone else who wants to play!!

K love y’all bye :)