#well I was quite persistent in telling everyone I knew about them for like 2 years from 2021-23 and it's suddenly paid off

[aeolianblues]

Right?

Right??

[promise-you-doie]

Who knew? | L. Sohee

Who knew the love of your life would be the weirdo you met in a coffee shop?

Sohee x afab!reader

Word count: 8k

Warnings: curse words

Genre: fluff, angst

Playlist

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Karina snickers, leaving the kitchen so she doesn’t have to be in the same area as you. 

Mad isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how you feel right now. You can feel your blood boiling, and every little sound causes you to get more and more frustrated. The reason? You missed all 7 of your alarms because you forgot to charge your phone the night before. 

If there was anything you hated more than the male species, it had to be waking up at 11 am. 

That means you have only 30 minutes until your first lecture of the day, which by the way isn’t nearly enough time to pick out an outfit, do your skin care, your makeup routine, and your hair, and still get to class on time. 

Waking up at 11 on any day, including the weekend, basically meant that your day was already ruined. You’ve already wasted half the day, so it’s best to protect your peace and just stay home. And that’s what you decide to do after attempting to do your hair but quitting after its lack of cooperation.

“I wanna die.” You slur into a pillow after successfully spending 30 minutes getting angry at any and everything. 

“Why die when the sky is clear and blue.” Winter chimes happily, a little too happy for your liking. 

“Maybe you just need some fresh air and a coffee.” Ningning suggests from the bathroom. “I heard there’s a new cafe down the street, you should go.” She adds 

“I don’t wanna go outside. I wanna lay here and die.” You say it as a joke, but some part of you is serious. 

Either way, You still end up at the cafe. Even though Siri kept giving you the wrong directions. What should have been a 7-minute walk turned into 2, 15-minute laps. It’s safe to say that by the time you arrived, you had completely lost your appetite for coffee.

But you’re persistent in making the best out of this unlucky Monday. Walking into the cafe with a facial expression that tells everyone around you that it was only 12:01 and you were already having a bad day. 

“Hi, could I get an Iced Americano?” You say blandly, forcing a small smile to cover the bad mood you are in 

“What size?” The barista asks

“Large.” You needed it. 

“Will that be all?” He asks. 

 You nod “Yes,” while patting your pockets for your wallet. Here's the catch, you left it at home. Before you resort to your last plan; screaming, crying, and sobbing on your knees, you decide to check your purse. Except, you don’t have that either.

“Your total is gonna be 5.05” The barista looks at you distantly as if he couldn’t see the internal war that you were battling right now before his very eyes. “I-” “I got it.” You watch someone stick their arm past you to put their card in the card reader. Thus paying for your much-needed drink. 

“You didn’t have to.” You say shyly, without even looking in the stranger's direction. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’ll pay you back.” You finally turn to look at him. “Just uh…” You rush to pull out your phone and unlock it. “Give me your number, and I’ll wire it to you as soon as I get home.” 

There were lots of things you hated, men being on the top of the list and being indebted to people is fourth down from it, with “Especially to men” written beside it in parenthesis. So anytime a man did anything nice to you, you wanted to make sure you paid them back immediately just so they don’t try to hold it over your head later. 

“It’s only five dollars.” the stranger says 

“Just let me pay you back, Please.” You beg, still holding your phone out for him to put his information in.

“Well if you really wanna pay me, you could just allow me to take you out on a date.” His response leaves you dumbfounded. A frown grows on your face when he smiles at you. 

If someone were to ask why you were adamant about burning all the men alive, this was the exact reason why. “You’re kidding… right?” You laugh, because surely this has to be a joke. When you walked out of your apartment this morning you were hoping to just have a cup of coffee and maybe some exercise. The last thing you were thinking was to have some guy hitting on you after he practically forced you to let him pay for your coffee. (you didn’t ask him to do that, so basically he did it by force.) 

“Y/n.” The barista calls out your name, luckily to pull you away from the weirdo that is subliminally asking to get in your pants. During broad daylight, in front of a crowd of people.

“Thank you.” You muster up a smile for the barista and head towards the door. Leaving the stranger behind. Owing him doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s not like you’re ever gonna see him again. 

You let out a deep sigh when you hear him yell “You’re welcome.” once you leave the cafe and the door closes behind you.     

“Today has to be the worst day ever.” You complain the second you step into your apartment. Catching the attention of your four other roommates. 

The apartment was small and probably shitty to most but it didn’t matter to any of you because you were all together and the rent was too high nowadays. So if it took all of you piling over each other just so you wouldn’t be homeless, so be it. 

However, being in a small 3-bedroom apartment with 4 other girls meant no secrets. Not because the five of you were nosy, it’s just that the walls were thin and there was absolutely nowhere to go to get any privacy. Best believe there were things about the girls that you wish you didn’t know. 

“Couldn’t have been that bad,” Karina says nonchalantly, walking past you towards the living room to plop down on the couch and catch up on the series she’s been binging for a week now. 

“Well, first I woke up late..” You’re tailing after Karina but get stopped when Ningning walks in your direction, only to take the coffee out of your hand and begin taking sips out of it. “This is good.” She nods without acknowledging the story you’re trying to tell everyone. Skipping to the couch with your drink still in her hand. 

“There’s probably someone in the world dying right now, while you’re crying about sleeping in for a few hours.” Giselle scolds but she doesn’t even take the time to look at you. She just takes a seat next to Ningning and helps the two girls finish what’s left of your coffee. 

“No, but listen, I went to go to the cafe as you guys suggested. But the directions were being stupid.” 

“Was it the directions or was it you?” Karina asks, shaking around the ice in the coffee. 

“It might have been me but that’s not the point.” You dismiss, “After like 30 minutes I finally find the cafe and I go to place my order.” 

“But let me guess- You forgot your card.” Giselle interrupts you.

“Well, yeah. And then-"Wait, if you forgot your card, how’d you get this coffee.” Ningning asks instead of letting you finish what you’re so desperately trying to get out. 

“The barista obviously thought she was cute and gave it to her for free,” Giselle answers for you. 

“No. I-” 

“For free? I don’t think so. Y/n’s pretty but she’s not ‘I think you’re so pretty that I’m gonna risk my job and be homeless’ pretty. Some guy probably just found interest in her and paid for her coffee, so she insisted on paying him back because she never knows how to accept when someone’s being nice but he refused cash and asked her to just let him take her on the date instead.” Karina somehow predicts everything perfectly, which is kinda scary. 

“Yeah, actually” You confirm, but you’re still at a loss for words. 

“So what did you say?” Ningning turns to you. 

“No, of course. This is y/n we’re talking about.” Karina sits up to give you the last bit of coffee but winter reaches it before you do. Swiping it right from under you and taking the last swallow. 

“Well, at least you got free coffee.” Giselle points out. 

“And I'll tell you what I got,” Winter demands everyone's attention. Throwing her arm around your shoulder and turning to you when she says “We’re gonna get you laid tonight.” 

“What are you talking about?” Giselle asks before you get the chance. 

“Jaemin just invited us to a party and guess who’s gonna be there,” Winter asks, pointing to Ningning who pipes up, slapping her hands together.

 “I’m guessing, Jaemin.” You say nonchalantly. 

“Sohee.” Ningning chimes. By now she’s jumping up and down. 

Sohee is the guy she’s been trying to set you up with for weeks. You never met him and you don’t really wanna meet him. She tells you that she has a feeling that you’ll like him but you don’t think that’s the case because well, he’s a man. 

“I’m not going.” You state pushing Winter's arm off of you so you can go to your bedroom. Pretending not to hear all of them yell “Boring.” before you close the door. 

Another con with living with four other girls is that everyone is always ganging up against you. There wasn’t much ground for you to hold when it was always 4:1. With that being said, it was no surprise that you still ended up at Jaemin’s party even after making 101 excuses as to why you couldn’t go. 

You were a few hours late of course. If the girls were gonna drag you out you had to make sure that you wasted as much time as possible. 

“Here, drink this.” Giselle pushes some drink in your face. 

“What is it?” 

“Doesn’t matter, drink it.” She continues pushing the cup towards you until you take it and down the whole thing. Not caring what it is because you’re sure that she wouldn’t give you anything too dangerous right?

wrong.

“That’s horrible.” You yell over the music, wiping the excess liquid from your lips with the back of your hand. 

“Isn’t it? I thought I was the only one.” Giselle laughs while taking the cup from your hand. You didn’t bother to argue with her, since it was something that she had a habit of doing. Instead, you just sit there around the couch watching everyone else have fun and decide that you’d rather be home. Or probably anywhere else. 

Some people might say that you’re a prick or a party pooper, that you were stuck up and unfun but you’d say, they were absolutely right. What are you even supposed to do at these kinds of things? All you saw were really bad dance moves, a mess, and a hangover in the morning. What could be so fun about that? 

“Woah.” You hear someone say from behind you. You don’t roll your eyes yet but you want to, because you’re almost sure you know who it is before you even see them. “I didn’t think this would be the place that I run into you again.” The boy says when you finally turn around to meet him. 

The universe must absolutely hate you, you think. Because there is just no way that you run into the same man again within the same day. “Why not?” You say arms crossed with a frown bigger than the one you had this morning when you ran into him the first time. 

“Well…” He looks you up and down.

“What are you trying to say?” 

“This just doesn’t look like something that you’d be into, that’s all.” He smiles and leans against the wall beside you. “But I’m glad you’re here.” 

This time you roll your eyes and walk away. You don’t have enough time nor do you care enough to try and change his mind about you. Thankfully he doesn’t try and chase after you but he does yell “I hope you enjoyed the coffee.” to which you hold your middle finger up behind you so he can see it. 

“Y/n where are you going?” Ningning runs to you, tugging at your arm when you reach Jaemin’s front door. 

“Home.” 

“Wait! You have to meet Sohee first.” 

“I’ll be fine.” You say trying to get out the door."

“Just 30 more minutes please.” She begs, getting down on her knees but not letting go of your hand. 

You could argue with her, but one thing about Ningning is that she’s never lost an argument. So you take the easy way out and distract her instead. 

“Oh my god, is that Sungchan?” You spur randomly 

“You can’t fool me Y/N.” She looks at you unamused, but pipes up from the floor the second she hears a stranger from behind yell “Is that Sungchan.” 

You blink once and she’s gone, mixed in with the other crowds of people. And you take your opportunity to run away, grabbing the first taxi you see and heading back to your apartment. 

The steam from your shower follows you from the bathroom into your bedroom when you sit on your bed. Drying your hair with a towel, you take a deep breath. This is great, it’s quiet and calm just the way you like it. 

That is until your four roommates come crashing into your room, screaming and squealing over each other and you can't even make out what any of them are saying. The only things you’re able to make out are something about fate and the Sohee guy that Ningning’s been telling you about. 

“Wait, one at a time.” You stand and hold your hands out. “Giselle first.” You add

“Who’s turn is it to cook tonight? I’m hungry.” She slurs and then walks out of the room before any of you can answer her question. 

“Okay… Winter.” You point to her when she holds her hand up. 

“HI.” She holds her hand over her mouth when she giggles. 

“Hi, Winter.” Her giggle gets louder when you smile back at her.   

“Sohee wants to meet you,” Ningning yells, not giving Karina a chance to speak. 

“I’m not interested.” You state, sitting on your bed. 

“Come on, please. Just once.” She pleads for the second time of the day. 

“No.” 

“He could be the one.” Ningning begs even more.

“I don’t think so.” 

“He’s cute and sweet and probably even romantic.” She adds

“Then you date him.” You mutter, laying down on the bed and closing your eyes. 

“He wants you.” She continues even though you’ve turned your lamp off and shifted comfortably under your bed. 

“I don’t want him.”

Other than your bedroom the best place on earth is the library. An endless world of books and possibilities. The best part about it? It’s completely quiet and the librarian always gives you one of her home-baked cookies. 

Today the library is completely empty which means it’s even quieter than usual. The only noise is the traffic noise and the thunderstorm happening from outside. Which is even better for you because you know your afternoon reading session is going to be better than ever. 

Walking down the romance aisle, dragging your index finger down each of the books until you find the very book you’re looking for. The spectator in the painting: volume 7/9. 

You had spent the last four months binging the book after your favorite book blog suggested it. A story about a prince who falls in love with a violinist and risks his life to save her when she gets sentenced to death after treading too deep into the king's chambers. 

The series was astonishing, just when you thought you knew what was gonna happen next, Boom! A plot twist. 

“There it goes.” You whisper to yourself when you find the book on the top shelf out of place from where it’s supposed to be. 

Your heart drops when you hear a somewhat familiar voice. The library is dead silent so when the boy walks in with his green sweatshirt and crossbody bag you immediately break out of your world. Leaning over the bookshelf to see if the voice belongs to who you think it belongs to.

“Good evening, Miss Lynn.” The boy greets happily leaning over the counter. You can tell he visits the library often because of how comfortable he is, smiling and making jokes with the librarian. That doesn’t bother you, but what does is Ms. Lynn passing him one of her home-baked cookies and joking with him about how he shouldn’t tell anyone. just like how she does with you. 

You take that as a sign to mind your business, not even wanting to know who the boy is anymore. Except when you think to walk away the librarian points in your direction, guiding the boy to the sci-fi genre of books behind you. What’s even worse is the exact second the boy turns around you see that he’s exactly who you thought it was.

“Fuck.” you mutter under your breath and hide behind the shelf. Holding your book to your chest. You clasp your hand over your mouth. You want to stand there and take in the shock that your body just went through but you know the better option is to get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible without him seeing you. Turning on your heels and walking quickly out of the aisle.

You’re almost there when you hear the boy call out for you. 

“Y/n?” You know you should just keep walking away but you can’t. You stop dead in your tracks and slowly turn back to him. He strolls closer to you when he’s sure that he called for the right person. 

“How do you know my name?” you question, suddenly every crime documentary comes to mind and your heart is racing. He could be a stalker or maybe a murderer. 

“It was on your coffee order.” He answers with his usual smile. except this time it’s a lot more reassuring, no one with such an adorable smile could ever harm you. Right?

After a few seconds of silence, he points to the book you’re holding. “you read this too?” 

“No, I was just curious about it. But now that I look at it, it seems uninteresting.” You flip the book around as if you’re examining it. 

“I thought people usually started with volume 1.”

“Is this not…” You feign ignorance, flipping the book around to see that it says volume 7 as if that wasn’t the one you intended to read. “Oh I don’t have my glasses, I tho…”

You trail off looking back at the boy. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” you scold him.

“You don’t.” he agrees while reaching for the book in your hand. “I don't think you’ll like it anyway, the main character is so annoying. she’s always so defensive.” 

Your first instinct is to defend the woman, even if she is fictional. “She’s not-“ but then you realize you’ve blindly walked into his trap.

“Whatever, just give me the book.” You mutter, pulling the book from his hand and walking out of the library. Not caring that he fondly watches you stomp through the library doors with the book still in hand.

“Why won’t he leave me alone?” You dramatically yell upon entering your apartment. 

“Who?” Giselle pops up first

“he?” Karina comes out second

“No! no one can talk to you right now. You’re already taken.”Ningning runs out grabbing by your arm as if this was gonna protect you from the boy, who’s not even in the room. 

“taken?” everyone except Ningning calls out at the same time.

“By Sohee.” 

Instead of a verbal response, you just roll your eyes, Ningning was very persistent, you’ll give her that.

“Okay wait, who's the guy that won’t leave you alone?” Winter asks 

“The guy from the coffee shop. It’s like he’s following me around, first at the cafe, then at the party, and now at the library.”

“The party?” Giselle questions “Is that why you left early.”

“That and I didn’t really wanna see Karina making out with a bunch of different strangers.” You admit, subtly gesturing to her with your hand. 

“Fair” Karina nods 

“Is he cute?” Winter questions

“The contrary! ” You somewhat shout. You’re very driven and determined to prove that you’re not into this guy even though you know it’s a lie. “What's even worse is that he won’t leave me alone and he knows my name.”

“like a stalker?” Giselle suggests 

“Probably, this is why I hate men.” You throw your hands up

“But you’ll love Sohee,” Ningning adds.

Some days go by when you don’t run into him. five to be exact but it wasn’t like you were counting. You didn’t wanna see him, but it was torture for you to walk into places and constantly look over your shoulder because you thought he might be right behind you. 

You’re sitting at the kitchen counter, head propped up by the knuckle of your hand. You’ve been up for hours trying to finish this paper for your biochemistry class, but you’re not making any progress. There were only two coherent lines written on the paper and a bunch of random letters that appeared when you slammed your head on the keyboard of your computer. 

“I am so fucked.” You mutter, head still stuck into your laptop.

Your head stays there just a moment. You just needed a small break, nothing serious, just a small moment to reboot your brain and give you maximum creativity and intellect. 

Except it wasn’t just a moment, you had slept through your first two alarms. Head popping the second your alarm begins to ring, immediately your eyes go to the time. “No~.” you groan frustratedly. throwing your legs over the chair and running into your bedroom to get dressed.

luckily you had just enough time to get some coffee and this time you brought your card. You made sure of it. 

You walk into the cafe and stand behind the six people who are already in line getting ready to place their orders. Humming along to the tune that they have playing lowly from the speakers, you pull out your phone to kill time, going back and forth through your social media. Until it’s your turn to place the order. 

“Good morning, what can I get for you today?” You notice the barista is different from the last one and much more welcoming as well. 

“I’ll just take a small iced americano.” You say, pulling out your wallet to pay for the coffee. 

“And can I get your name for the order?”

“Y/n” 

“Okay, I’ll call out your name when the order is ready.” 

“Perfect thank you.” You nod and find a table to go wait, Although it doesn't take long for the man to call your name. You stand up almost as soon as you sit down, pick up your iced drink, and head to the door. 

Just moments before you reach the door another man walks into the small coffee shop. You can tell that he’s already preoccupied with his phone to notice that you’re on your way out. So you take the initiative to get out of his way. However, it still doesn’t stop him from bumping into your shoulder and knocking your (thankfully, iced) coffee all over your clothes. 

“Watch where you’re going.” He’s the first to yell, he doesn’t bother helping you clean up the mess he made, and he doesn’t even apologize. 

The asshole just walks right past you. 

“Do you want me to kill him?” “Ye-” You almost say “yes.” on instinct but ultimately refuse and turn around to face the boy behind you. Letting your shoulders relax when you meet his soft eyes and familiar smile. “No, it’s fine.” No matter how hard you try you can’t stop the smile that grows on your lips. Hurrying and looking down before he could see it too. 

“I’ll go see if I can get a mop.” he walks away too soon to hear you say “okay.” and you stand there waiting for him with a stupid smile on your face as if you weren’t just wishing he’d vanish less than a week ago.

You’re only able to pull yourself out of your trance when he finally comes back with the mop. You reach to pull the mop out of his hand so you can clean it up but he stops you. “I go this, you can just wait over there. I’ll buy you a new coffee.” As if you weren’t slowly falling for him already. 

“Okay.” You nod sheepishly, walking to where he guided you. 

You weren’t one to get flustered, and especially not by man. But here you were kicking your feet, blushing and giggling all because someone offered to buy you a new coffee. 

It takes only 9 minutes for him to walk back to you with a fresh cup of iced americano. “You didn’t have-” “I know.” he cuts you off, pushing the coffee towards you until you accept it. You finally do after a few moments of just staring at it. 

“Thanks,” you say last, receiving the cup from his hand and getting ready to walk away. He lets you make it all the way to the door before he calls to get your attention. 

“Wait.” When you stop and turn around he jogs towards you and wraps his jacket around you to cover up the coffee stain that you have smudged into your shirt. “Here.” 

You don't fight with him this time because you’d rather wear his jacket down the street than a huge coffee stain on the front of your shirt. “Thanks.” is all you say, as you smile at him one last time. Turning and walking out the door not forgetting to sneak a few last-minute glances at him through the window.

The walk towards your school was like straight out of a movie. You’re grinning from ear to ear, giggling to yourself, and dancing along the sidewalk. Not caring for the strangers that were oddly staring at you.

You could say the coffee gave you energy but really it was the owner of the green varsity jacket you were wearing. 

Then that’s when it hits you. You stop dead in your tracks realizing that you have no way to return the jacket after today since it isn’t promised that you’ll see him again. 

Without thinking much you turn around and run back to the cafe, fingers crossed that he’ll still be there when you get there

You end up back in front of the cafe, panting and puffing but you still shuffle into the small shop and begin frantically searching for the boy. 

He was already long gone, the cafe had picked up activity since you’d left but he was nowhere to be seen. 

You’d encountered him four different times and even managed to get his jacket, but you still had yet to learn his name. The only thing you knew about him was that he read romance and that he likes coffee, parties, and apparently the color green. 

“Whose jacket is that?” Winter asks from your bed, watching you cautiously hang up the varsity jacket in your closet. You hurry and close the door to restrict her view of the overgarment.

“I bought it the other day.” You spur 

“Oh please, that is not your style.” Winter teases when you continue folding all the rest of your laundry. 

“I just needed something really quick.” You miss when Gisselle goes into the closet behind you and pulls out the jacket. 

“This is a man’s jacket.” She calls out, “I can still smell his cologne.” 

“A man’s jacket?” Karina and Ningning suddenly appear out of thin air. 

Squeezing your eyes shut before shoving your face into the palms of your hands, you wish you could disappear right there and then. There’s no point in even trying to explain yourself. You doubt you’d even get through the story without smiling.

“Y/n honey, we need to talk.” Ningning reaches for your hand. 

“talk?” You ask but get ignored by all four of your roommates. Karina and Winter both guide you to sit on your bed for whatever it is that Ningning has to say. She holds your hand as she looks at you to say “You’re forbidden from ever seeing him again.”

You cry “Wha- forbidden. you can’t do this.” You look around to the rest of the girls to defend you but they do absolutely nothing. 

“We've already set you up on a date with your soulmate.” Ningning leans in front of you so you can turn your attention back to her.  

“soulmate?” You question first but then circle back to the bigger problem. “A date?”

“You’ve led us to do this.” 

“How is this my fault? I didn’t ask for this.”

“we’re worried for you, if you don’t start dating now then when?” Winter interjects. 

“This is absurd, I don’t need to date.” You argue but it’s of no use because you still end up at the diner where the girls told you the date was gonna take place. 

You’re not really dressed for a date, just a simple pair of jeans, some sneakers, and the oversized green varsity jacket that you acquired two days ago. 

Wearing another guy's jacket on a date wasn’t ideal but neither was going on a date against your will. 

It was by force obviously, you weren’t here because you wanted to be but because you had no other choice. Ningning threatened to burn all of your prized possessions if you spent less than 30 minutes with the man she’s been dying to set you up with. 

Quite frankly you were starting to grow curious about this Sohee guy.

“Table 4” You murmur under your breath, it’s not hard at all to find the table. You knew this diner like the back of your hand since it’s the place that you and your roommates used as a hangout spot since your first year of university. However, you begin to question yourself when you see a familiar face sitting at the table where your date’s supposed to be. 

“What are you doing here?” You stop and question. 

The bow stands up when he notices you approach him “I’m here to see you.” 

“You can’t be here, I have a date.” 

“With Sohee?” He asks, but it sounds more like a statement to you. 

You’ve seen this before. (not from personal experience of course.) You’re getting stood up by a man you’ve never even met. The funniest part is you never wanted to go on this date in the first place. “Did he bail at the last minute?”  

“I don’t think we’ve ever gotten a chance to properly introduce ourselves.” The boy speaks, 

“If he’s not coming we don’t need to waste our time, I completely understand.” You halfway turn to leave before he blurts “I’m Sohee.” He holds his hand out.

This was a twist you didn’t even see coming. Looking at him with his hand held out towards you, all you can think about is Ningning trying to convince you that you and him were “written in the stars.” 

“Oh, you’re Sohee.” You repeat followed by a laugh of embarrassment. “Sorry about that, I thought-” You’re getting ready to explain yourself but decided against it. 

“Do you wanna sit down?” Sohee asks, only after watching you stare nervously at the chair in front of you. 

“Oh yeah, that’d be smart.”

Awkward is when you take ten minutes staring at the menu because you thought that would be better than staring at the boy in front of you. Taking your time to read the food items, ingredients, and even calories (which you couldn’t care less about.) Especially when you already knew what you were gonna order anyway. The same thing you always order, A burger with a side of fries and a lemonade. 

“I’ve never seen you this shy before.” Sohee interrupts your thoughts as he pulls the menu from your hands. 

“I’m not shy, I’m just trying to figure out what I wanna eat.” You spit, pulling the menu back so you can finish wasting time. 10 minutes down, 20 more to go.  

“I’m guessing you don’t go on lots of dates.” He continues. You wanna yell at him for talking too much while you’re trying to read, but you don’t. You don’t get the chance to, as soon as you open your mouth the waitress comes out with food. 

“We haven’t ordered yet.” You look up to the kind waitress.

“I ordered for you, I wasn’t sure what you might’ve wanted so I just got you a burger.” As if on cue the server places a burger right in front of you, with a cup of lemonade to match.

You wanted to hate him, but boy was he making it so hard.

“If you already ordered, why did you let me spend so much time looking at the menu?” You ask when the waitress leaves. 

“In case I got something you didn’t like.” He says casually, reaching for his fork. 

Either you're just very simple or he’s made to be the love of your life. it could be both. 

“You didn’t have to walk me home.” You’re looking at the ground, watching how your footsteps are in sync with his. It’s pretty dark outside so naturally it’s colder, but for some reason, it doesn’t bother you. 

“I wanted to.” He says simply, and the look in his eyes tells you that he’s being sincere.

It falls silent again, still awkward but this time it’s a comfortable awkwardness. And now that you kinda got to know him you realize that he’s not nearly as bad as you thought he was. So much for first impressions. 

“We’re here.” You stop right in front of your apartment building, standing on your tippy toes and landing back on your heels.

He first takes a glance at the semi-tall building and then back down at you, who's trying to look anywhere else but him.

“Thank you for agreeing to see me tonight.”

“yeah of course.” You nod even though you were completely against the idea. 

“I had fun.” 

“Me too.” You nod again. 

“So I guess I'll just see you around?” You can tell he’s just stalling now.

“I’ll definitely see you around.” you giggle.

“I guess it’s time for you to go now.” 

“I guess so.” you agree 

“Well, goodnight.”

“goodnight Sohee.” you watch him walk away, but he’s taking his sweet time. dragging his feet along the ground the farther he walks away from you. You almost find it amusing how dramatic he’s being. 

As you get ready to walk in and you grab the ends of the jacket you're wearing you realize that this is the perfect opportunity to return it.

“oh, Sohee.” You only have to call out once for him to come running back to you as if he never left.

“yeah?”

“Your jacket.” He stops you when you’re halfway through pulling it off.

“Keep it, it looks good on you.” 

“Are you sure?”

“goodnight, Y/n,” He says last, walking away and leaving you with his jacket. 

“How’d it go? What happened? Isn’t he cute?” Ningning bombards you with questions when you first step foot through your door. 

“he’s tolerable” You kick off your shoes and throw them off to the side. Then you reach to pull your jacket off, sliding it down your shoulders and hanging it up once you reach your bedroom.

“That’s great, it’s an improvement.” 

“If you say so.” 

“Did he say anything about the jacket? I told you not to wear the jacket.” Ningning mumbles 

“I bet he smelled the other man’s cologne.” Giselle snickers as she walks by.

“He said it looks good on me.” The room goes quiet and everyone stares at you...” Ningning watches you, jaw slacked and dilated pupils. 

“Y/n has a boyfriend, Y/n has a boyfriend.” It takes them not even ten seconds to form a circle around you and begin dancing like school children on the playground. 

Your favorite time of day is when the sun begins to set. When the sky is painted in shades of orange and pink the birds fly over the sky. Your bedroom is flooded with the natural lighting of the sky, matching the mood of the jazz you have playing in your headphones.  

For a moment you sit and gaze out of your window, observing the people walking the streets below you, watching the cars drive past and the trees that sway in the direction of the wind. All of these things distract and entertain you, yet they still remind you of the boy you're trying so hard to forget. 

You stand up and close the blinds of your apartment. Blocking out all light, your room drifts into complete darkness, with only peaks of light shining through the cracks. 

That’s how it stays when you walk into the kitchen with the rest of your roommates. 

‘Oh, there she is.” Karina dramatically announces your appearance when you shuffle into the crowded space. Taking a seat on the stool next to her. 

“How come you don’t talk to us anymore?” Giselle asks 

“You are being dramatic, we talked this morning.” 

“You only asked me if I knew what you did with that hideous green jacket.” She scoffs 

“It’s not hideous, you just have no taste.” You playfully scold. 

“Whose jacket is that anyway?” Winter speaks up, digging in the fridge to pull out the orange juice. Wincing when Ningning slaps her arm for drinking out of the carton instead of grabbing a cup like everyone else. 

“Mine.” You answer. 

“No but actually?” Giselle asks, just as curious as the rest of the girls who are all watching and waiting for you to answer the question honestly. 

“Some guy let me borrow it because I spilled coffee on myself.” You leave out quite a few details but you’re sure what they don’t know won’t hurt them. 

“Okay so wait? Some random guy gave you his jacket-” Winter starts but Karina finishes “And you accepted it.” 

“I didn’t wanna walk around with coffee stains.” You shrug. 

“This is great, this is great. You’ll just go downstairs and explain that to Sohee so he won’t get the wrong idea.” Ningning claps as she gradually gets closer and tugs at your arm. Completely missing how blatantly confused you are. 

“Downstairs?” 

“Yeah, in his apartment” She never stops tugging at your arm. 

“Wait, he lives here?” 

“Yeah? Unit 411.” Ningning finally registers just how confused you are. “Didn’t he tell you?” 

Instead of answering her question you run out, leaving her and the rest of the girls as puzzled as you were a few moments ago. 

Without thinking much you knock on the door, just to see if what Ningning said was true. But after you knock you start growing anxious, suddenly you can hear your heartbeat and your hands are frantically moving at your side.

In the span of 10 seconds, you check the unit number 12 times just to make sure that you have the right one, and you’re not knocking on someone else's door. Soon you start to wonder what would happen if someone else answered the door. 

Just when you come to the conclusion to bail, you hear the doorknob turn and the door opens to reveal the boy you expected to see.  

Unfortunately, now that you see him, you realize you hadn’t planned after this point. So you just stare at him eyes wide, unsure of what to say or do. You’re just as shocked as he is when he stares back at you with a matching expression. 

You clear your throat before you take the initiative to speak first. “Why didn’t you tell me that you lived here too?” 

He answers, “I didn’t wanna scare you.” 

“Oh… that makes sense.” You nod, looking down at your pajama pants and bunny slippers. 

“Do you wanna come in?” He holds the door open for you to accept his invitation but you shake your head and back up. 

“No, I can't, I have to~” You struggle to come up with an excuse. “Finish my laundry.” You finish, nodding as if that’s gonna make him believe you. 

“Okay, well, I’ll see you around then?” 

“I guess it’ll be hard not to.” 

You were never too fond of men. 

While most people had a tragic backstory that led them to hate the things they hate, you didn’t. 

You weren’t crossed by a man in your past resulting in your blatant hatred of the entire species. Sure you’d had unfavorable interactions with quite a few men in your life, but that wasn’t what led you to dislike them. 

It took many years of observation for you to come to your conclusion on the male race. However it didn’t take long for you to learn a few things about them.

But the most important thing was, they were all the same. 

That’s what you thought for years, every man, boy, guy, or male is the same. Yet, you find that your conclusion might not be entirely accurate. 

Looking at Sohee you feel that he’s different from all the guys you’ve ever come across. He isn’t selfish, or obnoxious. He isn’t entirely full of himself. 

He’s actually sweet and easy to be around. 

Which was good for you because, since you found out that he lived within a few hundred feet from you he began to follow you around like a puppy. 

Whether it was walking you to and from class, or even showing up to your apartment with breakfast. 

It was off-putting at first, 

You mindlessly strolled down the hallway of your apartment building. You weren’t thinking of anything other than the leftovers you were gonna eat when you finally got home. 

Sohee however had different plans. The second you turned the corner you noticed him standing at your door with what looked like a bag of takeout. 

Your body goes into shock before you can even comprehend what you’re doing. You hide behind the corner. 

You think maybe that’ll buy you enough time to figure out what to do next. You take a deep breath before slapping your hand over your mouth. 

You take a look at all the options you have. You could either sneak out through the stairs or you could take your chances with the elevator and hope that the girls aren’t on their way home. 

“Who are we hiding from?” Sohee suddenly appears right beside you. Causing you to jump in horror, luckily you were able to come up with a lie on the spot. 

“I was just… looking for my earring, I think I might've dropped it.” You pretend to look around for a nonexistent piece of jewelry. 

“What does it look like? I'll help you find it.” Rather than making him help you look for something that you knew was never going to be found you concocted another lie.

“uh no it’s okay, they were getting old anyways.” You say, pressing your lips into a thin line. 

“Oh well, do you wanna have lunch together?” He grins, holding up the brown paper bag in front of your face.  

But over time you’d gotten used to it, and maybe even came to kind of like his dog-like personality.

“So you’re a man-hater” Sohee starts, despite knowing that you hated when people talked while you were reading. 

He’s not necessarily an exception but you don’t get as mad about it when he does it. You continue reading, but you spare a moment to respond to him. 

“I guess you can say that.” Your eyes are still glued to the words of the book. 

“But you like me.” He continues, you make the mistake of pulling your gaze away from your novel, meeting the annoying smirk he has on his face.

You open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “You do know I'm a man right?”

“Yes, I know you’re a man. I have eyes.” 

You watch his grin grow wider before you go back to reading your book. “And I don't like you, I just don’t hate you as much as the others.” 

You say, even though you're sitting in his bed, your hair pushed up into a bun and your glasses hanging loosely above your nose. It’s a Saturday night, you could be doing skin care with your girls or binging cartoons on Netflix. But you chose to be here, in his room spending time with him.

To him, that said a lot.

“Woah, so you're in love with me.” Sohee jokes partly.

“How did you come up with that?” You laugh, turning on your side to face him better. 

Sohee shrugs, “It’s a talent.” He wasn’t too far off. You often denied it whenever someone brought it up but if you were being honest. you were falling for him, faster and harder than you liked to admit. 

The more you resisted, the easier he made it. There wasn’t anything you could do, it was inevitable.

Almost as if it was fate. 

You laugh to yourself thinking about it, laying your book down and fully relaxing into the fluffy white pillows he has aligned on his bed. 

You’re fighting against sleep, trying your hardest to keep your heavy eyelids open. Taking long blinks until you finally give in and let yourself fall asleep. 

Sohee finally comes back with the water you asked him for but you’re already well into your slumber. He’s sure of it because when he gently calls your name all he gets in response is a soft snore. 

Rather than waking you up, he pulls your glasses off, closes them, and lays them on the bedside table. He leaves for a brief moment to get you another cover, laying it over top of you and turning the lights off so you can rest peacefully. While he took the couch for the night.

“Where were you?” Ningning scolds. Not even letting you walk all the way in the door before she starts bombarding you with questions 

“Do you know how long I stayed up waiting for you? I was worried sick.” She continues to yell at you when you finally squeeze past her and walk into the apartment. 

“You went to sleep at nine.” Winter exposes her

“I was worried sick.” Ningning repeats, swinging her index finger around. 

“I slept at Sohee’s.” You say almost in a whisper but Karina is somehow able to hear you all the way from her room. 

“What?” She runs out, “You slept at a man's house? With a man?” 

“Yes, and that’s all we did. So don’t get your expectations too high.” You scold, specifically pointing your finger at Ningning who’s bouncing with joy. You can already tell what she’s thinking before she even says it. 

“No, we didn’t sleep in the same bed,” 

The rain outside sounds more like a hail storm than anything else. You just wait by the entrance of the school and contemplate if you wanna walk home in this weather. 

The sound of the heavy wind isn’t so convincing but the boy waving at you with a bright smile might be enough to sway you. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask, mindlessly walking into the rainstorm to meet him face to face. 

“I came to walk you home.” He responds, his smile unwavering. 

“You shouldn’t have, you’re all wet now and it’s cold you’re gonna get sick.” You’re scolding him but he’s still grinning at you like an idiot. 

“I wanted to.” Is all he says locking eyes with you.

The rain could be snow, the sky might be purple but his eyes, you’re sure are brown. A brown that can only be seen with the help of the sun. Now that the sun was nowhere to be found they were so dark it could be categorized as black. 

You find them the most mesmerizing at this moment. You’re staring at him and he’s staring back at you. That’s when you take the opportunity to see how his lips feel, closing in the space in between you that not even a drop of rain can fit through. 

Isn’t it crazy how love can be found in the strangest of places, who would’ve thought you’d fall head over heels for the weirdo you met in a coffee shop? 

[pettyrevenge-base]

Make my life difficult for nearly a decade, I'll make you look like an idiot.

When I first left home to go to university, my parents co-signed a mortgage for me on an apartment style condominium in a small Canadian city. This was 20 years ago, so it came in at a whopping $52,000. They thought that this was a much better and economical choice than trying to find an apartment and deal with landlords. I loved the idea and moved into my new home.

The building was almost entirely populated by the 65+ crowd. It was small and only had 24 units split into 2 halves. I had a basement condo. It was a nice place, nothing fancy, but amazing for a student. I was young (19) but I was quiet, kept to myself and didn't do the whole party thing.

I got along with most of my neighbors, I'd help them out moving heavy things or carrying groceries upstairs. I was acutely aware of the age gap and the general image of a university student, so I made sure to be just an all around great guy to avoid conflict.

The one person I could never see eye to eye with was my upstairs neighbor. For a 70 year old woman that couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs, she walked like a damned elephant. She'd have gospel music on her TV at max volume at 5am on Sundays, she'd make remarks about "that damn kid" whenever something was left out of place. She even went so far as to accusing me of breaking into her car and making a police statement saying she saw me do it. Unfortunately for her, I was out of the country on an internship at the time, but still she persisted being a pain in my ass. I'd tried to approach her about the TV issue, and her response was to make sure that it was no longer just Sunday. After a couple of years of attempted diplomacy, it was clear that nothing I did would make things better.

Others in the building probably knew she had it out for me, but why would this adorable little old lady try to lie and get me thrown out of the building by the condo board? (She tried at least 11 times while I lived there).

7 years into my time living there, I was at my job with an Ambulance service just north of the city. I got called to a shooting. Guy shot his neighbor in a land dispute. The neighbor survived, but there was of course going to be a police investigation. The investigating officers called me to get a statement and offered to just come over to do it, rather than have me travel. One of them was a constable I'd worked with quite a bit, so I said sure. We set a time for about an hour after I'd get home from work.

I was just getting out of the shower when they buzzed to get into the building, I said "come in, I'll be out in a second". I hit the door buzzer and quickly grabbed some pants and a shirt. I heard them come in, and then walk upstairs. As I'm trying to throw on clothes, I hear them knock....on my upstairs neighbors door. They introduce themselves as being from RCMP Major Crimes division and that they were looking for me...balls. She says "oh, he lives downstairs, what do you want with him?". They thanked her and informed her that they couldn't say, as it was an active investigation. My heart sank....but then I had a thought.

It only took about 15 minutes to do my statement and they went on their way. And then the fun began. I knew the rumour mill would be starting. She would tell everyone that would listen that Major Crimes was looking for me and that I must be some sort of criminal. I decided to see where this went. Pretty soon I'm getting side eye in the hallway, neighbors are steering clear of me, so I know she's been talking. Turns out I've been arrested for robbery and kidnapping and must be out on bail according to her.

I found this out when one of my neighbors who was on the condo board showed up with a letter demanding an explanation and threats to have me kicked out. I asked him what this was all about, and he said "Well, Linda (not her name) sent us a letter about what had happened and we had to have an emergency board meeting because people don't feel safe with you here". I said that per the by-laws of the condo board, before any action could be taken, I could request a meeting to review and provide a defense. Linda was on the board, so I know she'd be there. They set a date for a week from then, but I was given a caution that it didn't look good for me and that I would have to do a lot of explaining.

The meeting day comes. Linda is sitting smugly looking at me, the other board members are giving me dirty looks. The board president asks what I have to say in my defence. I stand and quietly distribute a letter on RCMP letterhead, signed by the regional superintendent that says"Mr. Zenmedic is not under suspicion of any crimes, past or current and has not been arrested, detained or questioned as a suspect in any criminal matter. His duties as a Paramedic will often require him to make statements in regards to ongoing investigations, and in this instance on (date), investigators had gone to obtain a statement about an ongoing investigation for which he was professionally involved. At no time did the members discuss, disclose or in any way indicate that he had any involvement in any wrongdoings. I am deeply saddened by the necessity of this letter and we will be reopening an investigation into a previous incident regarding false statements made against him".

You could tell when people read and understood it. The dirty looks shifted from me to Linda. She exclaimed that it must be a forgery, she witnessed me being led off in handcuffs. She pleaded that they should believe her. It didn't help her. I stood and addressed the board and outlined the years of abuse and harassment, including the false accusation of break and enter to a vehicle. I informed the board that on advice of my lawyer that I do not discuss the matter further with any member of the board, as Linda being part of it and using her position for the purposes of harassment opened the board as a whole to litigation and I was still weighing my options.

The next day I had a knock on my door. The board president had informed me that Linda was removed from the board and that she was given warning about her conduct and that any further harassment could result in proceedings to have her removed from the building.

She also had a visit from police with a summons for providing a false statement and obstructing a peace officer. She had to attend court. She pled guilty to both and was given a suspended sentence and 1 year condition not to harass, threaten or intentionally inconvenience me in any way. If she abided her conditions, she would receive an absolute discharge (meaning it would be removed from her record, like it never happened).

I moved to another province before her year was up, but for a brief period of time, I actually got to sleep in on Sunday mornings.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[tekdecksmtg]

From the Archives: Wilds of Eldraine Prerelease

As I recently did the Bloomburrow Prerelease, I thought I’d look back on my first prerelease, which happened to be my first in-person Magic event since getting back into the game!

I was writing some logs at the time on my experiences but didn’t post them anywhere. I still remember how much excitement I had coming out of this event, just it being my first tabletop Magic in person in like 25 years. Let’s see what I thought at the time!

Archive:

First ever prerelease event and first time playing in-person MTG in about 25 years!

I’m given my prerelease kit which contains a promo card Restless Vinestalk and six Wilds of Eldraine draft boosters from which I need to construct a 40 card deck. I open my packs and then sort all my cards by color.

While I had some nice white pulls, I knew that I needed to focus on creatures and interaction. After sifting through all my cards I eventually narrowed down to green and black for my deck.

Match 1: After the construction period, the Magic Companion app tells me where to sit. I’m put at Table 4 against white/green. Can’t believe I’m about to play my first game!

Game 1: Got out some creatures and damage, but he had a flying griffin that was just too strong and ultimately beat me. I had seven mana up for Virtue of Persistence but it was worthless to cast as I needed an answer. Went into desperation mode digging via my Collector’s Vault finding a flier to block one turn but inevitably nothing else.

Game 2: More of the same considering decks are only 40 cards. He was able to pump up creatures with Royal Roles, copying them as well. I was able to take his flier by casting a fight spell targeting it versus my Scream Puff, but his tramplers were a problem. Ultimately ran out of time in our match and he was ahead on life so he was awarded Game 2 (though he was in control anyway) and subsequently the match.

First match lost 0-2-0.

Match 2: As we get ready to move tables, the Companion app tells us what’s next and I’m surprised to see that I have a ‘bye’. As there were uneven players someone had to sit out each match. I would’ve preferred to actually play but fortunately having the bye awards me the win at least.

Second match won 2-0-0.

Match 3: I’m slotted back at Table 4 again for my match against an opponent playing predominantly blue and black.

Game 1: Quite a bit of good back and forth, creatures attacking and damage being dealt. The game turned on him being able to get me to sacrifice a couple of creatures followed by fliers that I couldn’t stop and ultimately beat me down for the loss.

Game 2: Really close and intense game. Lots of back and forth for a while with creatures trading off, but the game changer was my Virtue of Persistence which started bringing back creatures from a graveyard each turn, focusing on his dead fliers and my food creators first for defense then moving to offense. Overwhelmed him and won my first game in person!

Game 3: A little close early but I was able to drop my Sentinel of Lost Lore which got rid of his creature/adventure in exile as well as his graveyard. Then I was able to bargain my Hamlet Glutton on T5, followed by more creatures the next turn. He appeared to get mana flooded and I was able to take down the game pretty easily!

Third match won 2-1-0.

Overall I finished 2-1 (4-3-0) and in 11th place out of 25. The two wins awarded me two Set Boosters and I was also given a Magic 30th anniversary harvester of Souls for participating.

Absolutely incredible event; just such a fun time and made me realize how much I’ve missed playing Magic in person, especially at an event like this where everyone is on equal footing. Can’t wait to go for another; might have to sign up for the Legacy Open next!

Additional Notes:

* Virtue of Persistence was my favorite card from the deck, so powerful to get that early removal and game-changing if you can get the enchantment side out later.

* Collector’s Vault did absolute work, letting me cycle cards to rebalance my hand while also making Treasure tokens that could fix mana and allow me to cast more spells.

* Hamlet Glutton was only seen once but dropping a 6/6 trample on T5 is quite nice with the bonus 3 life gain coming along with it.

* My deck had no way to deal with creatures with evasion; I need to remember that for future events. There needs to be a way to stop fliers especially.

[aena-blue]

Manifestation - Everyone Is You Pushed Out (EIYPO) - The World Is Your Mirror

Hello everyone! This is another short post to cover a simple topic under the umbrella term manifestation to hopefully shed some light on the topic.

So if you are new to this concept, EIYPO, let me try to explain it to you. The world, the 3d world that you see and perceive is a reflection of your inner being, your thoughts, feelings and assumptions. Whatever you believe to be true and real, gets reflected back to you in your day to day life and interactions with other people.

If someone is acting a certain way toward you, it is easy to see that as evidence as that is how that person feels about you. Say for example a person is rude to you. You probably make the assumption that that person does not like you, which, to be fair, is quite understandable. Because you hold the belief that a person would only be rude to you if they dislike you, then that means that person must not like you.

Could we change that? Well, yes we can! All we have to do is change our assumption of the way this person treats you, and the way they feel about you.

So we will accept that this person is still capable of liking us or loving us, and now, we will choose to start seeing them in a more loving light. In your imagination, you want to see that person treating you well. You can use visualisations, scripting or my favourite: affirmations. Persist in this new assumption “person x is always treating me right” and it will come to pass. Not only are you always treated like royalty (for example) but it is also important to stop seeing that other person as someone who is ‘rude’ for example. That’s the old story, and we won’t be telling it anymore. The person on our mind is now always nice (at least to us) and always treating us right.

So I have several examples of how this has worked in my own life using affirmations. Now I have a list of affirmations that I have recorded which are tailored towards my specific person (SP), but because EVERYONE is you pushed out, I have seen my affirmations reflected back to me from other men as well.

Here’s a few examples including the affirmation:  1. “Our sex is the best that he has ever had” - A guy I slept with twice last year suddenly re-appeared and after texting for a bit, he told me I was the best sex he has ever had. Well, of course, I affirmed to be the best. Now of course I affirmed for my SP to think this, but, if random guy said it, then you best believe SP feels the same!

2. “He is the happiest when he is with me” - Surprisingly enough, same random guy from example 1 told me this exact thing just a couple of weeks ago, that he’s the happiest when he’s with me. Naw, sweet, but also, not my SP! (Don’t let stuff like that concern you though, this is what they call Birds Before Land, a post I will need to make at some point)

3. “I am the best” - When talking to my SP I asked him why he came back after we (he) ended things, his response? “Because you’re the best” 

4. “I am amazing” - During the same conversation as example 3, my SP said to me “I wish you knew how amazing you are”, and I kid you not, this was the first time my SP had ever called me amazing (he’s not big on compliments)

5. “SP always pays for my drinks” - I know this one might seem shallow (and cheap of me!) but hey, SP makes big bucks and I deserve to be treated when we’re out, so why not? And yeah, a few weeks of affirming this and my SP now always pays for the drinks when we are out.

The list goes on but I hope I have demonstrated my point. Change your assumptions about your reality, how people see you, how people treat you, persist, and they will change. They have to, it’s the law.

I hope that this post was helpful. I’d love to hear any examples you guys might have on this topic, also open for questions or requests for a post!

I now offer email coaching on my Etsy Shop for anyone who needs help, assistance, guidance or just a cheerleader for their manifestation journey.

You can email me or use the “ask me” function for anything that might be on your mind, or on your heart. I am here for you all, always. Please note that the Ask Me’s are only open for dream interpretation, general questions or advice at this time.

Please consider supporting my intention & affirmation art business in return for my time and energy by making a purchase or sharing my shop on any of your social media, every page click helps my business grow and I appreciate all of your support.

You can get a sticker for about $2 and if you make a purchase and send me an email to let me know what you bought I will happily give you a free 3 card reading for a question of your choice or 1 free email for manifestation coaching, regardless of the cost of your purchase! 🧡

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Much love and light to you all and to the universe 💛💜

~ Lady Blue 💙

[the-one-who-lambs]

Its past 2 am, apologies for any incoherence.

Does Lambert's wool have the irl affect on cats with lanolin to any degree? The visual of the misconceptions from being affected even a little. Of some trickery while the Lamb is on the other end of camp, Lambing.

Does Narinder have less patience when things derail from his own plans and priorities? You mentioned a scene with reflection. If Narinder recognized how he's persisted as he always has, yet been changed in the process in ways he never foresaw, do you think he'd foresake his way of life in the present if he thought he could claw a path to the inevitable control over all he once had as a Bishop? If not, would he be able to come face to face with what could be more important that said authority and power? Can he see it written on his own face if he looks in a mirror?

Are there any superstitions Narinder may be aware of due to age that have faded with time or changed drastically? Would the Lamb ever weave elements of their culture into that of the cult, keeping the ways of the Lambs alive in a way beyond being the last? Do they look back after having to move forward for so long? Can they, when so much has happened?

Who could be convinced/tricked into participating to join a Kareoke Activity? Have you ever had a Mangosteen? Okay that's all I can think of gni, Hope you sleep well!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yup I've written ummm something about that that I will not link here go find it yourselves

Narinder's tolerance for dealing with unplanned situations.. heavily depends on which stage of life he's in. As a Bishop, he was more of a go-with-the-flow type anyway (he is death after all, there's no rush to do his job because he'll get them all in the end anyway :) teehee). As a follower, though... it's much more complex. He keeps his cool 99.9% of the time but he'll be frustrated as hell about it. And while I love where you're going with the reflection idea, Narinder considering all of that is way down the line at this point! He doesn't even recognize that he is persisting because he's experiencing something he hasn't quite had to deal with before: impatience. He's spent so long waiting that he can wait a little more... is what he tells himself, anyway. But after the final boss battle, he's at what he believes to be rock bottom and has nothing to be patient for anymore. He's tired of waiting and is ready to fucking fight for it. (Except he can't for multiple reasons and he hasn't accepted that either.) Baby steps for him. It's a slow burn after all.

"Are there any superstitions Narinder may be aware of due to age that have faded with time or changed drastically?" This.... is a fantastic question that I haven't considered as much as I wish I had. I'll get back to you on this... and perhaps write anything I come up with! I love this question because it makes me think aaaaaa

As for the Lamb... this will start to be touched on soon :)

Okay these questions are just getting fun now gkjdgkjhdlg I did do karaoke in front of all the other grad students in my department at a Halloween party while dressed as the Lamb lmao. I chose Style by Taylor Swift because that's like the one song of hers I occasionally listen to and it's popular enough that I knew everyone else could sing along too. I've never had a mangosteen, but I'll have to get one next time I go back to the international market :D

[tenebraevesper]

Five Nights at Freddy's: Nothing Remains, Night 26: Synthetic Agony

''Synthetic agony; It's all that's left of me. Out there, they call my name, but I will never feel the same. I wonder what they blew on those plastic children's toys. They think it's fun to protect all the girls and boys. But come the darker hours, it seems we share a goal. For them, a glitch, for us, our very heart and soul. Doesn't change the fact that my whole purpose has been whacked. This doesn't change a my views of who I am and who are you.''

 – Synthetic Agony by Muse of Discord (Five Nights at Freddy's 2)

xXxXxXx

''Sam?''

Springtrap crossed his arms, tilting his head as he stared at Sam, who was standing at the entrance to the back room, looking for something, or rather, someone, at the main area. She turned towards him, giving him a curious look.

''Are you okay?'' Springtrap asked her.

''Yeah, I am,'' Sam replied as she entered the room, closing the door behind her. ''I was just keeping an eye on things outside. Apparently, Tessa, Violet and the rest of their group had abandoned their table rather quickly.'' She smiled. ''Thanks for helping me out.''

''You're welcome,'' Springtrap replied. ''I have enough experience with customers to know which ones are the vultures and I had figured that you wouldn't mind if I scared your bullies into leaving you alone. I mean, it worked last time.''

''Even if Violet and her group are going to leave me alone, I wouldn't be so sure about Tessa, since she can be really persistent,'' Sam replied, sighing. ''Also, speaking of scaring them, I think you did a lot more than just talk to them.''

''What do you mean?'' Springtrap gave her a questioning look.

''So, you haven't noticed?'' Sam tilted her head.

''What was I supposed to notice?'' Springtrap asked.

''I see,'' Sam muttered thoughtfully, crossing her arms. ''Well, something strange had happened while you were intimidating them.''

''What exactly did I do?'' Springtrap was curious, albeit still confused about the situation.

''To put it simply, I suddenly had this strange feeling of dread and fear, even though I knew your threats were never directed towards me,'' Sam explained. ''I have no idea what exactly it was, but that wasn't normal.''

''You want to say that I somehow managed to cause everyone to be afraid of me?'' Springtrap asked, with Sam nodding. ''But, how is that possible?''

Sam rose an eyebrow. ''Will, you're a spirit and you saw what other spirits can do, especially that kid. Don't you think that you'd be able to do something like that as well?''

Springtrap snorted, shaking his head. ''I actually had the same assumption a while ago, but according to Henry, I'm restricted due to having my soul trapped inside this suit. Although, considering what had happened, I guess that I just need to figure out how to control it.''

''Honestly, I'm not sure whether it would be a good idea for you to learn how to control the ability to suddenly induce fear into anyone you meet,'' Sam replied. Springtrap smirked.

''Why not? It's quite useful to keep annoying people away,'' Springtrap told her. Sam narrowed her eyes.

''Will, I know you and I sincerely doubt that you would use that kind of ability to just keep away those who annoy you,'' Sam told him. ''Even though I do agree that it would be useful in certain situations.'' She smirked. ''Rest assured, it was awesome to see them being freaked out like this.''

''Frankly, I think that you handled yourself quite well,'' Springtrap told her. ''They really deserved a punch in the face.''

''Honestly, I wish I was able to do that, but- Huh?'' Sam said, when her smartphone suddenly started ringing. She took it out of her pocket. ''Dad's calling.''

Springtrap gave her a curious look, with Sam had answering the call.

''Hi, Dad? Yeah, I'm at work, but no, I'm not busy now.'' She fell silent for a moment and then smiled. ''Sure, why not? I'll send you a message when I get home. Bye!''

''What did Aaron tell you?'' Springtrap asked Sam as she put her smartphone back in her pocket.

''He asked me whether I was up for a gaming night,'' Sam replied, shrugging. ''Considering how I didn't really have any other plans for tonight, especially since I wanted to stay at home today, I agreed.''

''I see,'' Springtrap said, crossing his arms on his back, with a rather grim look on his expression. ''I guess I should've told you about this earlier then.''

''What do you mean?'' Sam rose an eyebrow.

''Do you remember Kathy and Kyle, those twins whom I had met at Ricky's?'' Springtrap, with Sam nodding. ''It appears that the boy who died at Ricky's was their cousin and they had witnessed Quentin bashing his head against a table.''

''That's horrible,'' Sam was shocked, feeling bad for the twins.

''It is, but what's worse is that they had told their parents and the police what had happened, only for everyone to dismiss it as an accident. I assume that they probably thought that the two were either making it up or believed that they were too traumatized to talk about what had 'actually' happened,'' Springtrap replied. ''At least we were right about why they had removed Quentin from the band. While the police and management may not believe that the animatronics were indeed behind the murder, they are suspicious.''

''Still, it doesn't matter if they just place the animatronics in the back room, since Connor is going to find another way to use them in order to murder more people,'' Sam pointed out.

''That's true,'' Springtrap muttered. ''I do wonder what his endgame is, though. The way things are now, he is going to ruin Ricky's Wonder Shack. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't care anymore about that place. As long as he gets what he wants from that place, it doesn't matter what happens to it.''

Sam fell silent for a moment, with Springtrap giving her a look of concern. She then took a deep breath, shaking her head.

''We need to find Connor, that's certain,'' she said. ''However, I don't think that we will ever go to Ricky's again, especially since it's under investigation. The way things are, it will fall apart and nothing can be done about it. If we want to find Connor, we will have to get into contact with the Drawkills, even more now that they know where we live.''

''Honestly, I don't feel so sure about asking for their help,'' Springtrap replied.

''Me neither, but that's all we have,'' Sam told him grimly.

xXx

''Matt, when are we finally going to go to Ricky's Wonder Shack?''

A tall, dark-haired teenager looked up from the book he was reading, noticing his younger brother, who was holding a basketball, giving him an impatient look. His brother's friend was fidgeting, obviously just as impatient as the former. The teenager, Matthew Dearth, sighed.

''Devon, I already told you that we will eventually go there, but I'm currently not in the mood to-'' he said, only for his younger brother to cut him off.

''But, Mum said that you would take us there!'' Devon protested, with his friend nodding. Matt shook his head.

''She never told me when I am supposed to take you there,'' Matt replied. ''That is still my call.'' His eyes narrowed as he saw the look Devon was giving him. ''Also, you can snitch on me all you want, but I'm not going to budge. Only because I'm babysitting you doesn't mean that we are going to do everything you want.''

''You really are a jerk, Matt,'' Devon replied, but he already knew that he was fighting a losing battle. He turned to his friend. ''Do you want to try a few trick shots?''

''Sure,'' his friend said, catching the basketball Devon threw at him and following him to the basketball court. Matt went back to his book, feeling irritated about the interruption, as all he wanted was to read his book in peace. However, he couldn't really focus anymore on it, as he thought about Devon's request.

Ever since his 10-year-old brother saw the restaurant when they passed by it on their trip home, he wanted to see what it was about, having heard from his new friend, neighbor and soon-to-be classmate, Corey, about the animatronics, food and games that were there. He was quite intrigued, but since his parents didn't have the time to bring him there, that task was given to Matt, who was not happy about that decision. He noted that Devon could easily go on his own there, but his parents refused, acting as if Devon was a toddler who needed someone to hold his hand. While not being happy that his parents would baby him, Devon would often take advantage of the situation to get what he wanted.

While Matt hated being a babysitter, he didn't really resent his little brother for acting like that, since Devon had been spoiled silly by their parents. Instead, Matt preferred to interact with is younger brother as little as possible. To him, Devon just kind of… existed. It wasn't just the seven-year gap in their ages, but it was also the memories they had.

Unlike Devon, Matt had been living in Hurricane until he was seven, when a tragedy struck his family, causing his parents to decide to move from Hurricane to New Harmony. Matt wasn't really sure whether grieving had an expiration date or why his parents made this decision, but 10 years later, he had found himself in his new house back in Hurricane. It certainly looked nothing like his childhood home and Matt even went to see what had happened to his old house, but he wasn't happy with the result.

Whoever the new owner was, they had cut down the tree that was in the garden, paved the front entrance and removed the rose bushes Matt's mother used to care for. To a stranger, the differences weren't that bad and they'd probably even call it an improvement, but Matt hated what the new owners had done to it. He knew that nothing stayed the same, but he hoped that he could at least recall the memories of him playing in the garden or swinging on the tire swing his father had put on the tree. Now, he felt nothing.

Nevertheless, the idea of being in a place filled with memories of old times, of how things used to be, was intriguing to him. He probably would've brought his brother to Ricky's Wonder Shack if it had been an older place or an older franchise, but it seemed to come into existance only a year or two ago; not something Matt was hoping for.

Still, there was another place that caught his interest – Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. It certainly had a long and intriguing history and Matt wanted to be a part of it, especially after he played the games that had come out a few months ago, only to be taken down afterwards due to some kind of lawsuit. He didn't understand the entirety of the lore, but he was interested in it and he desired to know more.

He tried to convince his brother to visit Freddy's, obviously, but the latter wanted to go to Ricky's thanks to his friend's insistence. Matt felt that the two were ignoring the fact that those two places were pretty much the same, as they both had food, games and animatronics. The only difference was that Freddy's had opened more recently, so Corey was more used to Ricky's.

However, there had been strange reports in the past few weeks, all about people going missing and turning up dead at Ricky's. There had been a rumor about a man having abducted a small kid, even though the kid had turned up fine, and that this man was responsible for the other murders, with Matt feeling that it was something worth exploring. He put down his book, Tananarive Due's The Good House, and thought about it.

Perhaps, even though the place is still new, memories of those tragedies have already formed there. I guess I should investigate the place, simply to see whether there is anything. Who knows, I might find something interesting there.

xXx

It had been late in the evening, with Springtrap sitting on Sam's bed, reading Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows and occasionally looking up at Sam who, on the other hand, payed no attention to him. She was playing Dead by Daylight and talking to her father via an online voice chat, and the reason Springtrap couldn't hear Aaron was because she was wearing a headset with a microphone attached to it. Nevertheless, most of the talk was game-related, so Springtrap didn't feel the need to pay that much attention to it. He did note that Sam was really enjoying herself and that she was currently playing as a killer known as the Huntress against her father, as well as three of her father's friends, who decided to join along so they'd have a full lobby.

''Gotcha!'' Sam exclaimed as she threw a hatchet at the survivor her father was playing as, causing him to fall over, and quickly walked over to him in order to put him on a hook.

''Aw, com'n! I dodged that one!'' Aaron said, observing as the survivor struggled on the hook.

''You obviously didn't, Dad,'' Sam replied, with the Huntress doing a little ''dance'' in front of the survivor. ''Good luck trying to get off that hook.''

''Are you trying to camp me?'' Aaron asked when Sam didn't move.

''…Nope,'' Sam replied sheepishly, walking over to the nearest locker and took an hatchet out. Just then, she saw that the last generator had been finished, spotting the remaining survivor fleeing across the field and going towards one of the doors. ''Hold up!''

''Wait, is she going to abandon me?'' Aaron asked, with Sam chuckling.

''I'm sure that she's thinking 'Screw this, I'm outta here!','' she said as she chucked a hatchet at the survivor, who dodged it, running away from the door. However, the next hatchet hit the girl, causing her to fall over. She smirked as she walked over to the survivor and directly killed her with her axe. ''That's what you get for abandoning your teammates.''

''Wait, what happened? Do you have a Mori?''

''Yeah, I do,'' Sam replied, walking back to the hook. ''Didn't I tell you that I would go all out in this round?''

''Okay, but why didn't you just kill me if you had the Mori?''

''I had figured that I could use you as a bait,'' Sam said sheepishly. ''No offense, Dad.''

''None taken,'' Aaron replied nonchalantly, letting himself being taken by the Entity and ending the round. ''I remember playing one round where a guy could've saved the other two teammates, but just waited for them to die and go for the hatch. Karma got him, though, since the person who played as the Nurse caught him just as he was about to jump into the hatch.''

''Let me guess, you were the first to die,'' Sam said, leaning back on her chair.

''Yes, but only because the guy led the Nurse to me,'' Aaron replied, causing Sam to chuckle. ''That group was cursed.'' He was silent for a moment. ''It seems like we'll have to end the game here. I just got a message that everyone's planning on leaving.''

''Aw, I hoped for another round,'' Sam said, a bit disappointed.

''Well, it is late...'' Aaron paused, with Sam assuming that he checked the time. ''Besides, we can always go for the playing-with-random-people option.''

Sam thought about it for a bit, but then shook her head. ''I think we should quit as well. It was great to play against you again, Dad.''

''Hey, I promised you a gaming night, didn't I?'' Aaron said, as Sam exited the game, but kept the online voice chat up. ''Besides, Emma had told me that you had a rough day and that I should check on you.''

''So, that's why you decided to call me,'' Sam said. She glanced at Springtrap, who looked up from the book he was reading, now being curious, even though he couldn't hear what Aaron was saying. ''You can tell Mum that I'm fine.''

''No problem,'' Aaron replied, then added in a curious tone. ''So, how is your friend?''

''You mean, Springtrap?'' Sam rose an eyebrow, glancing briefly at Springtrap, who was confused after hearing Sam mentioning his name.

''Well, obviously,'' Aaron replied. ''It is interesting that you are friends with a sentient animatronic, especially one from a place like Freddy's.''

''I guess I kind of got lucky,'' Sam replied.

''I was wondering whether you had asked him anything about the lore,'' Aaron added.

Sam bit her lip, not feeling comfortable about telling her father what she knew, despite the fact that they both used to discuss the Five Nights at Freddy's lore before. Rest assured, Aaron probably knew just as much as she did, but Sam didn't want to get her father involved into this as well. She knew that there was no way to keep this a secret from her mother, but she hoped that her father would stay out of this mess.

''Um, I did ask him, but there wasn't really much to talk about,'' Sam said, noticing Springtrap giving her a weird look.

''Really?'' Aaron snorted. ''I wouldn't be so sure about it.''

''What do you mean, Dad?'' Sam asked, a little worried.

''I am just saying that I understand if there's something you want to keep a secret for me,'' Aaron said in a comforting tone. ''Nevertheless, if you get yourself into trouble, don't hesitate to ask me for help. I won't judge.''

''Thanks, Dad, but I'm handling things here quite well,'' Sam told him.

''That's great to hear,'' Aaron replied in a cheerful tone. ''Also, tell Afton that I said 'Hi'.''

Sam froze, not sure what to make out of it. ''Um, Dad, you know that his name is Springtrap.''

''I don't think it matters whether you call him Springtrap or Afton, as it's the same person, isn't it?'' Aaron replied.

''Uh, Dad, I don't think that you-''

''Sweetie, listen, I trust you,'' Aaron interrupted her, still sounding surprisingly carefree, despite what his speech implied. ''Not that I'm not curious about what actually happened, but I'm sure that you'll eventually tell me everything.''

''Okay,'' Sam muttered. ''Bye, Dad.''

''Bye, Sam. I love you,'' Aaron replied.

''I love you too, Dad,'' Sam said, disconnecting the call. She took the headset off, leaning back against the chair, noticing a concerned Springtrap.

''What were you two talking about?'' he asked.

''I think you were right when you stated that Dad knows who you are,'' Sam said. ''Either that, or he's messing with me again, which I wouldn't be surprised about, since he tends to be a troll. Nevertheless, I did discuss the lore with Dad, back when I still thought that it was just part of a video game. Then, there is the fact that he's obviously working on another Five Nights at Freddy's video game.''

''Honestly, I'm not sure who is scarier, Emma or Aaron,'' Springtrap said. ''One will confront you head-on, while the other stays as vague as possible, acting as if he has no idea what is going on, leaving you guessing just how much he knows.'' He frowned. ''I vote for Emma.''

Sam chuckled. ''To be honest, him acting as if he has no idea what's going on was something which really got on Mum's nerves. Also, Mum's parents never liked Dad for some reason.''

''I'm surprised that the two even got along, considering how different they are. I assume that this is a case of 'opposites attract','' Springtrap said.

''You'll have to ask Mum or Dad about it,'' Sam replied, shrugging. ''As for the divorce, Mum and Dad basically friendzoned each other.''

''What?'' Springtrap was confused.

''Well, that's how I would describe it,'' Sam said. ''I'm just glad that they decided to remain on friendly terms. I love both of them and to me, they're the best parents in the world, even if they are separated.''

''That's good to hear,'' Springtrap said, with Sam noticing that he looked a little downcast. She smiled.

''Don't worry, Will,'' she said. ''You too are important to me.''

''That's not what's bothering me,'' Springtrap replied, shaking his head. ''I was just thinking about what happened previous night, when Michael, Sammy and Elizabeth had payed me a visit.''

''What did you talk about?'' Sam asked.

''I just kept apologizing to them, even though I knew that it would never be enough,'' Springtrap explained, lowering his head as he clenched his fist. ''I told them that I had learned from my mistakes, and that they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. I'm not going to get dragged down by my own fears anymore.''

xXx

Raven leaned against the wall of a building after having made sure he won't be seen by anyone. So far, he wasn't completely sure where he was supposed to go, but one thing was sure – he certainly wasn't going back to get tormented by Connor.

I hope that those guys got themselves covered. He sighed, closing his eyes and trying to calm down. Connor is going to blow up on them for helping me. He pressed his hand against his chest, his fingers passing through the tattered costume, and touched the endoskeleton. I'm glad that I had managed to get out in one piece. I wouldn't be surprised if Connor decided to turn me into scrap metal once he got bored of me.

He then opened his eyes, looking around and trying to figure out where exactly he was. He knew that his main objective was to find Afton and Sam and he had figured that the best way to do that was to find Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, as he hoped that they would be there. It was the only connection to them he had and he needed to use it. However, he still didn't know his way around the town, due to having been mostly contained either at the Machinations Factory or at the hidden room in Ricky's Wonder Shack. He was aware that it would probably take him a while to figure out where Freddy Fazbear's Pizza was, but he would find it nevertheless. He wasn't going to give up so easily.

He peeked into the street, noticing that it was empty, and quickly crossed it, trying to remember whether he was at this part of the town before. It was somewhat familiar and as he crossed into another alleyway, he realized that he had accidentally found his way to Ricky's Wonder Shack. He remained hidden in the alleyway, trying to figure out which path to take, when he suddenly saw another person walking down the street across him.

Luckily, the person didn't see him, but Raven had to wonder why they were walking around so late in the night. He observed as the person walked up to Ricky's, peeking through the windows, most of which had their shutters down, and then walked around it. Raven just shook his head, figuring it was some weirdo who got interested in Ricky's and ignored them.

He had more important things on mind.

xXx

Drawkill Freddy stood still in front of the door that led to Connor's room, noticing that things have gotten weirdly quiet. He had a really bad feeling, wondering what was going on inside. Eventually, he heard steps again, but this time heavier. He took a few steps back from the door, knowing that whatever was coming out of that room wouldn't be pleasant. A few moments later, Connor had opened the door, looking surprised to see Drawkill Freddy waiting in front of the door. He smirked.

''Go and get the rest,'' he ordered, only to tilt his head. ''On second thought… I'll just send him over.''

Drawkill Freddy's eyes flared up, but he didn't say anything. He then turned around, leaving. He knew that, whatever Connor had done to Bonnie, their companion was long gone. He walked over to the room in which Drawkill Foxy and Drawkill Chica were, both feeling anxious about the whole situation. They looked up when Drawkill Freddy entered the room, but kept quiet. They already had an idea of what was going on and decided not to ask him anything. They weren't surprised either when Connor had suddenly shown up, looking quite self-satisfied.

''I'm glad that you decided not to act the same way as your companion did. It was a smart decision,'' Connor said, with a smug look on his expression. ''Meet the new and improved Drawkill Bonnie.''

He then stepped away, with Drawkill Bonnie entering the room. Drawkill Freddy, Drawkill Foxy and Drawkill Chica stared at him for a moment, searching for any signs of change, anything that would show that Connor turned him into some kind of abomination, but he looked virtually the same as before. However, a moment later, they realized that there was something different about him, that the spark in his eyes was gone. Drawkill Bonnie just stared ahead, not even acknowledging any of them. He then stepped towards the middle of the room and turned around, still showing no sign of recognizing any of his friends. The rest of the Drawkills exchanged questioning looks and stared at Connor. He smirked.

''It is remarkable what you can do with current technology, especially with the mechanics of an animatronic,'' Connor replied. ''All I had to do was to severe the CPU and connect a few devices that would let me control him.''

Drawkill Freddy frowned. ''In short, you had stripped him of his sentience so he would act like your puppet.''

''You could describe it like that,'' Connor said, a little too carefree for Drawkill Freddy's comfort. ''You know, if you had stopped him, this probably wouldn't have happened. Consider it a lesson.''

He then left, leaving the Drawkills with an empty shell that used to be Drawkill Bonnie. Drawkill Foxy walked over to Drawkill Bonnie, giving him a curious look and waving his hand in front of his face to get some kind of reaction. Nothing had happened, with Drawkill Bonnie just standing there like a statue.

''He's gone,'' Drawkill Foxy muttered, backing away. He felt rage growing inside him, almost snapping when Drawkill Freddy put his hand on his shoulder.

''We can't do anything about this,'' Drawkill Freddy said, with Drawkill Foxy looking away.

''I hate this,'' Drawkill Chica said as she joined them, glancing at Drawkill Bonnie, who gave her an empty look. ''Isn't there really anything we can do about this?''

''No, we can't…'' Drawkill Freddy replied, looking back at Drawkill Bonnie.

He was aware that he would, from now on, act the same way the animatronics at Ricky's Wonder Shack did. This would mean that Connor would always keep an eye on them through Drawkill Bonnie, observing their movement. They had to watch out what they were talking about, as they had no idea whether he was listening in, nor could they go back to the house Afton and Sam were residing at to ask them for help. He sighed, feeling desperate.

Our only chance of getting out of this situation is now gone. What should we do?

Links:

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#Five Nights at Freddy's: The Untold Story (Masterlist)

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hey there! I apologize in advance for the length of this but reading your Tom Bower post with the engagement date question reminded me of a blind I’d read eons ago. I searched it up and, sure enough, its states M met Her Majesty in September 2017. I double-checked and there was a picture of HM in Balmoral posted on the Royal Family’s twitter on September 20, 2017. 

After finding this, I ended up going down the rabbit hole and looked up all the blinds posted on the duo, all the way back to March 1, 2016 just to make sure. It’s absolutely amazing how they were ALL spot on. Some were definitely released by her team but others…no way! 👀 I’ll be posting them and archiving them on my page if you need them. Anyway, hope this helps! Your page is an awesome compilation of information!!! 💕💕 

___________________________________________

Family In A Tizzy - BLIND GOSSIP

November 30, 2016

One American actress is sending an entire foreign family into a tizzy!

This very famous and very rich foreign man is talking about proposing marriage to his girlfriend.

No, he has not purchased a ring yet. Right now he is just floating the idea to his family. The only problem? They are uniformly pushing back on his choice of a bride!

He fancies her quite a bit. Unfortunately, there is not a single member of the family who is encouraging the match!

His father is warning him that “a woman who is dramatic will be a problem.” [His brother] is telling him that he “is still young and has scads of time” to settle down.

Surprisingly, [his brother’s wife] has abstained from critiquing [the actress] directly. However, she has cautioned [her husband] that she thinks that [the actress] is “an opportunist” who “will do or say or be anything she has to” in order to make the marriage happen. She also thinks that he is “too smitten to be making good decisions right now.”

The biggest influence on everyone, though, will be [his grandmother]. She has seen how one bad apple can place the entire family and their legacy in turmoil. She is encouraging both [father] and [brother] to “discourage” his choice as “unsuitable.”

The relationship is not a long one, so it will be interesting to see if the man will give it some time before making such a life-altering (and history-altering?) decision.

SOLVED

Man: Prince Harry

Actress: Meghan Markle

Well, it looks like everyone in the British Royal Family is going to have to untizzy themselves, because Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are engaged!

Prince Harry knew that Meghan Markle was the right person for him from the first date. He started talking to his family about the possibility of proposing to her approximately a year ago (when we first published this blind item).

He had to get the whole family on board first. That took a year, culminating with a meeting between Markle and The Queen in September (see Vacation Ingratiation).

____________________________________

Vacation Ingratiation - BLIND GOSSIP

August 2, 2017

The members of this very famous and very wealthy family say that they work hard… but they sure seem to take a lot of vacations! In addition to their multiple homes, they frequently travel the world.

However, not everyone is welcome on these family vacations. One of the kids asked to bring along his girlfriend (who is also a celebrity) to one of the family homes so that she could hang out with his family and get to know them in a relaxed setting.

He was denied.

Family vacations are not a casual event where anyone can just show up and ingratiate themselves with the family and go home with a souvenir snap. His family has seen this before with him. They hope that he is simply in a loved up “kookoo” phase and they are waiting it out.

He is persistent, though.

He’s not giving up. He is very serious about her and plans to keep asking until they say yes!

SOLVED!

Son: Prince Harry

His Girlfriend: Meghan Markle

Earlier this summer Prince Harry wanted to invite actress girlfriend Meghan Markle along for the family’s annual summer vacation in Balmoral.

This was a critical point in their relationship. Meghan Markle had not yet met the Queen, and Harry wanted to do it in a setting that was relaxed and informal. Or, in the case of the royal family, less formal.

Meeting The Queen was necessary in order for Harry to get approval to propose to Markle. He kept pushing until they agreed.

Exactly six weeks after we ran the original blind item, Meghan Markle finally met Queen Elizabeth! And, yes, it was at Balmoral during the annual summer vacation, just as we discussed!

Markle got The Queen’s stamp of approval.

That event set several other events in motion. As we told you in a separate blind item, Meghan Markle just quit her job on the TV show Suits (see A Royal Pain For Producers). She also recently vacated her apartment and moved her dogs to England.

So… let’s take a look at Meghan Markle’s To Do list.

Queen’s approval? Check.

Quit job? Check.

Move out of apartment? Check.

Move dogs to England? Check.

The couple can now proceed to announce their engagement.

Yes, the engagement announcement is imminent. And when we say imminent, we mean imminent! Imminent!

UPDATE!

We weren’t kidding when we said that the announcement was imminent!

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are engaged!

**************************

This great, thank you so much! 

Blind gossip items like this (and CDAN) are more of a PR tactic than “organic” gossip from a fandom or a discussion board, where you can usually find me lurking. The way I look at them, they’re like sponsored merch posts on Instagram and TikTok. Nine times out of ten, the source leaking the blind item is connected to the subject of the blind item. CDAN and Enty, Blind Gossip, Deuxmoi, Exposing SMG, Perez Hilton, Just Jared, BarkJack - most of their sources are affiliated with the celebrities themselves and some of them have admitted to making submissions up for controversy, clicks, and hits.

Because blind gossip items are a celebrity PR tool, pretty much only celebrities use them. When we look at the royal family, there are only two “entities,” if you will who think of everything in terms of celebrity: Meghan and the Yorkies. They’re the only ones who use celebrity machinery; Charles, William, Harry, Edward, and Anne use mainstream British press for their schemes.

If the blind items are gushing praise for Meghan, put her in a sympathetic light like (like these two and the infamous shopping trip blind), or bash Catherine, then 100% they’re from Meghan. If the blinds are antagonistic towards Meghan, then they’re from the Yorkies or someone connected to the Yorkies. Blinds since 2016 that are antagonistic towards the Yorkies are also, I suspect, from Meghan.

What I haven’t been able to figure out is blinds predating Meghan’s time that are antagonistic towards the Yorkies. Most of the pre-Meghan royal blinds, especially on CDAN, were about the Yorkies and either alleged that Beatrice was pay for play or that Charles and Andrew were always rowing over the girls not having a future in the monarchy. I think the “Charles and Andrew fighting” blinds came from Sarah. I have no clue about the “Beatrice pay for play” rumors  pre-Meghan and would love it if anyone has any theories. 

[thezolblade]

Just out of curiosity, what would've happened if Martin rejected Jon during the first night at his flat

Okay, got this ask before posting chapter 1 of Reconciliation, and I think that helps answer it? If he'd been firmly and completely rejected, at a certain point he'd have backed off.

Not that he'd have been reasonable - if he'd gotten a "no" when he first asked whether Martin was into him, he'd have still been wound up enough to ask "why? what about...?" and list the things he'd thought he'd noticed, while getting quite irrational and insulting. But if Martin had insisted that he saw him as nothing more than a colleague, Jon would have started doubting himself enough to mostly believe him, since he'd been telling himself right up until then that Martin couldn't really be interested. He might've snapped about how Martin shouldn't have sent mixed messages, to get the last word in before storming off to his room.

Then in the morning, once he was trying to get back into a professional mindset for work, he'd have given a very reluctant and vague apology for reading too much into things, while still 80% believing Martin, and 20% having doubts. He'd have tried to pay close attention to see if he could resolve his doubts from that point on, and would've been a mix of paranoid, desperate, and trying to keep his emotions hidden to keep up a respectable image. If he ever ran across strong evidence that Martin really did like him, e.g. by snooping and finding a written confession, then he'd have confronted him again.

However, if Martin had still answered that first "Do you want me?" question with a "yes", and then tried to say "no" to getting together that night... Well, Jon would have been far more persistent. He'd have asked "why not?" until Martin had given him some kind of reason, and "under what circumstances would you want to act on this?" - and no matter how hypothetical Martin's answer, Jon would have used it to set goals: "if and when we meet those criteria, then you'll say yes?"

Whatever conditions Martin laid out, Jon would have set his mind to making them happen - whether they were as simple as "let's see if we can go a week without arguing, and then go out on a date during the day", or as difficult as "become close enough friends that you never shout at me or insult me, and look for opportunities for one of us to be promoted / find a job elsewhere so that you're not my manager anymore, and then consider dating after a few more months of stability".

Even if Jon tried as hard as he could, he'd have slipped up if Martin set the bar high enough that losing his temper and behaving the same way as before for at least part of a day would mean failing. But if he kept up the effort for long enough to gradually improve, Martin would probably be impressed enough to encourage him, and recommend therapy, which Jon might actually consider if the issue at hand was his own mood swings (instead of a murder investigation that everyone wanted him to drop, like in season 2).

If Martin had been psychic and known all of this, he'd have been far less worried about putting his foot down. But of course, he barely knew Jon, and couldn't have guessed exactly how volatile or violent he'd get, and in a bad argument there might well have been more shoving and shouting along the way, so it would've been difficult to handle without any guarantees about the outcome.

[drabbles-of-writing]

May i ask for Luz and Raine headcannons (plz their interaction single handedly undid most of the trauma from the rest of the episode)

your so right anon. i love them. stepparent and stepdaughter energy to the max. desperate for more interactions between them in the episode tomorrow I'm begging

Luz, as evidenced, thinks Raine is the coolest person ever. partially bc they're really important to Eda, partially bc she has Heard The Tales and how can she NOT think they're cool?? the first hour in the new rebel camp is spent following Raine around and pestering them with questions. Raine was a teacher for some time and genuinely likes kids (obv they have like 3) so even when they were doing other work they were listening to every word while adding in their own comments/questions in brief brakes. at some point Luz apologizes for all the questions n Raine is like "??? we've been answering each others questions wym"

Raine was pacing in circles the entire time it took for everyone to rescue Luz after they nabbed Eda like "oh titan im gonna mess this up. im going to mess it up SO BAD" bc this is Eda's kid and they very much want Eda's kid to like them. course they ended up meeting King like 2 hours early cause Steve popped in with him and Raine managed to Mostly pull it off. they went through. a lot of different 'scenes' with themself in their head before they got Luz back. Darius may have bonked them over the head and told them to stop worrying so much, kids actually like them. this did nothing for Raine's nerves, but they hid it well

all the BATs kids swarm Luz whenever there's nobody else around. they have some of their own separate reasons (Katya knew Luz from her first day in the Isles, Derwin rlly wants to learn about glyphs, Amber wants someone closer to her age to talk to) but the base reason is This Is Eda's Kid and also Raine Likes Her. and back in their day, Raine deciding to hang around a kid usually meant the kid was about to be a new member of the BATs, so they kind of defaulted to the 'welcoming vibe' on instinct. Raine keeps trying to shoo them off insisting that the BATs aren't even a thing anymore please leave Luz alone but they are PERSISTENT. Raine tries to apologize for them but Luz is absolutely THRILLED bc the kids tell her all kinds of things Raine did as a rebel that Raine was either 1) embarrassed about and 2) forgot. it's an interesting time

Raine is vibrating in the corner trying to restrain themself from asking Luz if she wants to learn bard magic. Obviously she kind of had, shes in every track of Hexside, but Raine is quite actually One Of The Best and also they really want to see what kind of instrument she'd play best (they're best bet rn is a ukulele, but that might be the 'hey what if me, eda & luz all played strings' talking) until eventually they just. start playing their viola. its like late as hell and everyones still a bit high-strung so Raine plays something soothing to 1) help everyone out and 2) work on de-stressing themself. among some others, Luz is there who hangs out around Raine until they're done playing and then excitedly asks to b taught, cause she's still just in the basics of bard training. and Raine practically Lights Up

Eda was a little bit resentful that Raine got along so instantly and eagerly w Luz when it took her a while to get used to the kid. obviously it's not like Raine was trying to be the Better Kid Person™ that's just how they are but it still made Eda feel a little shitty for a bit. she tries to casually ask Raine when they got so good w kids, aside from the fact they're a teacher n Raine is like "first of all I had, like, 3 other kids before this. second of all I still genuinely have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just doing nice things and hoping it works I have absolutely no clue anything abt Luz I'm just trying to copy what I thought you would do" and Eda is in SHAMBLES over it

Luz and King have the whole "you BETTER make it up to Eda for lying abt remembering her she was a mess over it :(" and course that makes Raine feel even shittier but Luz is immediately plopping down next to them like "dw I gotchu we're gonna make SUCH a good apology gesture" and the first ten or so are completely over the top and not something Raine would ever do for obvious reasons and also bc they know that wouldn't do anything w Eda, but Damn if they aren't touched by how much Luz is trying. as if Raine and Eda weren't making longing heart-eyes at each other from across the room like half an hour earlier. points for effort

[flowercrown-bard]

Riya, I love you and you are killing me in the beat ways with this new verse.

What would Geralt and Jaskier do on their first night in Kaer Morhen? Or do they maybe already share a tent on the way to Kaer Morhen? I'd honestly would love to hear about about the track and how Jaskier find his new home ❤️❤️

thank you for the prompt dear <3 I went with them sharing a tent. they're not quite at Kaer Morhen yet

Geraskier, arranged marriage au

word count: 2657

Part 1 / part 2  / part 3  / part 4//  ao3

Not a griffin 

Lambert, the arsehole, was showing off. There was no need for him to cast an Igni that powerful just to light the campfire, neither was it necessary for him to give Jaskier that stupid challenging grin that Geralt only knew too well. Lambert was testing him, trying to see how far he could push him by showing him just how unlike humans witchers were. 

“Lambert,” Geralt growled low enough that only the other witchers could hear it. 

“What?” Lambert said loud and clear, his challenging look now directed at Geralt, who was brushing down Roach. “It was about time that the little lordling learned what we can do. I’m not going to do this the hard way if I can just use a sign.” Geralt’s clutch on the brush tightened. It was so tempting to throw it at Lambert to make him shut up, but the younger witcher would probably only cackle. 

And, Geralt couldn’t help but think, Lambert did have a point. This past week of travelling, Geralt had insisted on cooking everyone’s meat, despite it being much more convenient to simply eat it raw and he had lit every fire painstakingly with a flint. He had been so out of practice using that tool that he had fumbled like a child, while Jaskier had watched him. Yet, stubbornly, he had persisted. There was no need to let Jaskier see how animalistic they looked when eating how they normally did on the Path or intimidate him by letting him know they could do signs. 

But…Geralt couldn’t hide the truth of what they were forever. It wasn’t as if Jaskier would leave in a week and they could all get back to their usual habits. Jaskier was here to stay and sooner or later, he would have to find out anyway.

Geralt risked a glance at Jaskier, already dreading his reaction. Somehow it was more unsettling that Jaskier hadn’t said a single thing than if he had reacted in shock. If he had screamed and scooted away from the fire, at least Geralt would have known what he was thinking. Like this, there was no telling just how badly Lambert had fucked up by showing Jaskier a sign without warning.

“Jaskier?” He asked tentatively. 

Jaskier’s eyes snapped from the fire to him. 

“Are you telling me,” Jaskier began slowly, “that all this time you could do magic?”

Geralt’s throat went tight and with his free hand, he touched Roach’s flank, needing some sort of support. “I’m sor-”

“And you didn’t show me?” Jaskier jumped up and pointed an accusatory finger at Geralt’s face as he stalked over to him. And, fuck, he sounded excited. “What else can you do?” Geralt was so taken aback by the unexpected eagerness that he couldn’t find any words. So instead of speaking, he lifted his hand and sent a needlessly strong blast of Aard at Lambert. 

The younger witcher cursed, as he flew through the air a couple of feet. 

“If you want to be so useful,” Geralt called out, when Lambert shot him a glare, “scout the area with Eskel.”

Lambert made a rude gesture, but did as Geralt had told him, grumbling under his breath as he hastened to catch up with Eskel, who had left camp as soon as they had stopped the horses. Lamberts grumbled words were  too quiet for Jaskier to hear, but Geralt could understand him perfectly. 

“If you wanted to be alone with your pretty lordling, you just needed to say so.”

Geralt scowled at him and sent another Aard his way, just for good measure. 

Jaskier gaped at him. Unease already started to make Geralt squirm, but then Jaskier threw his head back laughing. 

“That’s incredible!” He grabbed Geralt’s arm, likely without thinking, and his eyes were sparkling with joy. 

I did that, Geralt’s mind supplied dumbly, I made him happy.

“I - “ Geralt looked down at Jaskier. He was so close. And he was looking back at Geralt as if…as if… “I need to go.”

Abruptly, Geralt took a step back, bumping slightly into Roach, who gave him her most judging look. 

“Oh. Alright.” Jaskier said, his hand falling back to his side. Geralt didn’t flee. He didn’t. It was truly necessary that he set up the tent now. It had nothing to do with how Geralt needed to keep his hands occupied lest he did something foolish like caress Jaskier’s cheek. No, it had nothing to do with that whatsoever. He just didn’t want Jaskier to have to wait later, when he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. The sun has already set and it wouldn’t take long for Jaskier’s exhaustion to get the best of him. It truly was better that Geralt set up the tent now. Their tent. 

Unbidden, heat rose in his cheeks. Thankfully, over the past couple of days, he had shaken off the inability to fall asleep next to Jaskier, but now he had a new problem: When his husband lay next to him, Geralt was able to sleep deeper and more peacefully than he had in years, so much so, that Eskel had to come wake him in the mornings because they needed to break up camp. Eskel hadn’t commented on the way Jaskier was always wrapped around him in his sleep, but then again, he didn’t need to. Geralt could see the amusement in his expression. And Geralt, fool that he was, couldn’t even reprimand him for it. Because damn him, he liked having Jaskier close. 

It had been a mistake to indulge that first night. He should have gotten up before Jaskier woke, so Jaskier wouldn’t have to find himself draped over a witcher. But he had felt so warm and nice and safe that Geralt had completely forgotten the time. And then, the most wonderous thing had happened: Jaskier had woken up and he hadn’t recoiled in terror or disgust at being so close to a witcher. Instead, he had leaned closer, while Geralt had done his damnedest to pretend to be asleep. Maybe, he would have been strong enough not to crave a night like that again, if Jaskier had just left the bed then. But Geralt could still feel the ghost of Jaskier’s fingertips, where they had brushed the white strands of hair behind Geralt’s ear, as if Geralt was someone who should be touched softly. It had been that gentle touch that had sealed Geralt’s fate. It had made him even foolish enough to take Jaskier’s hand the next day and press it against his face when talking to Roach, just to feel that touch again. Just to make sure that he hadn’t dreamed it up.

 If there ever had been any hope that Geralt would be able to resist the pull of Jaskier being close, it was gone now.

Geralt had no idea what he would do once they reached the Keep, how he would ever be able to fall asleep without the comforting warmth of Jaskier next to him or wake up without the weight of his hand lying on his chest. 

With more force than necessary, Geralt thrust one of the sticks holding the tent in place, into the ground. He didn’t want to look at Jaskier, sitting by the fire, but his gaze was drawn to him nonetheless. The dancing flames made Jaskier’s skin glow in a warm light and threw long shadows of his eyelashes onto his cheeks, when he blinked. Geralt wanted to trace these shadows, gently, oh so gently with his finger tips. 

As if feeling his gaze on him, Jaskier turned around. A small smile tugged at his lips when their eyes met and Geralt could see him shiver. 

As quick as he could, Geralt finished up building the tent and joined Jaskier by the fire. He shrugged off his old travelling cloak and draped it over Jaskier’s shoulders. “You’re cold.” Jaskier looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept quiet, pulling the cloak tighter around himself. Geralt’s fingers twitched nervously, as he sat next to Jaskier. He would have to turn his entire head to really look at Jaskier and that would be far too noticeable, so he settled for stealing hidden glances out of the corner of his eyes. 

Jaskier had been beautiful on their wedding day, clad in white and gold. It was clear why Jaskier liked jewelries and pretty doublets. They made the blue of his eyes more vibrant and complimented the beauty that was already there. Yet Geralt couldn’t help but think that Jaskier had never looked more beautiful than he did now; bundled up in Geralt’s old cloak, with his cheeks red from the cold and his hair tousled from the wind. 

“The Keep won’t be much warmer I’m afraid,” Geralt said apologetically. He picked up a stick from the ground and poked at the coals, making the fire roar up. “We have hearths in every room and furs but it’s not as comfortable as what you’re used to. The old stones make everything colder. Especially in the winter.”

“Oh I don’t think that will be a problem.” Jaskier pulled at one of the many loose threads. The movement made his shoulder bump against Geralt’s accidentally. “I’ll just have to find someone to keep me warm then.”

Geralt’s heart sank. He had known that that was the sort of arrangement Jaskier would want, he just hadn’t thought that he would propose it quite this early. 

“You are free to…let yourself be warmed by whoever pleases you.” His grip on the stick tightened enough to make it crack. “But I must warn you. There’s only witchers up there.”

No one Jaskier would want to warm his bed. 

“Yes,” Jaskier said slowly, giving him a funny look, “I know.”

He leaned into Geralt and this time there was no mistaking this for anything other than a deliberate touch. 

“Tell me more about our home?”

Geralt’s heart fluttered at the casual mention that Kaer Morhen would be Jaskier’s home now too. Unsure how to describe the Keep  in any way that wouldn’t send Jaskier running, he wanted to shift his weight in unease, but he didn’t dare to move, lest Jaskier stopped touching him. 

He must have been silent for too long, for Jaskier added, “Is it true that there are green lights dancing through the sky?” Geralt hummed in affirmation. “Sometimes.” He relaxed slightly. This was something he knew how to talk about. “There’s this tower I like to climb to see them. You have the perfect view over the forest and the mountains. Sometimes I go up there just to get away from everything and watch the stars.”

“The stars?” Jaskier sat up straighter. He wasn’t touching Geralt any longer, but now he was turning towards him, light shining in his eyes. “Lettenhove was so bright, even at night. There were always lights burning somewhere and I could never really see the stars.” Geralt grunted. He looked up at the darkening sky. Above them, the first stars were already shining brightly. If Jaskier just stopped looking at him, he would see them too. 

“This one,” Geralt said, pointing to a constellation near the horizon, “is called the Griffin.”

Jaskier squinted up at the sky. “Which one? I can’t see it.” “There,” Geralt said, pointing more firmly. 

Jaskier scooted closer again, until their thighs were pressed together tightly, so he could see better where Geralt was pointing. He cocked his head to the side. 

“Huh. Doesn’t look much like a griffin to me.” He paused. “Not that I’ve ever seen one, but still.”

Geralt’s lips twitched up. Quietly, as if he was sharing a secret, he said, “I don’t see a griffin either. I always thought it looked more like a horse.” Jaskier laughed in delight. “Now that I can see.” Geralt knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jaskier very much did not recognise the constellation as a horse. Still, Jaskier continued, “We should call it the Roach when it’s just the two of us.” He held his hand up, as if asking Geralt to seal a deal. “It’ll be our secret constellation.”

A reply was already on Geralt’s tongue, something about it being of no use to have a secret name for a constellation that everyone could see, but he swallowed his protest, when he saw the look in Jaskier’s eyes. He dropped the stick into the fire and clasped Jaskier’s forearm, feeling Jaskier wrap his fingers around Geralt’s forearm in return. 

“Our secret constellation,” Geralt echoed. A strange giddiness that he hadn’t felt since he was a child welled up inside him. 

A yawn from Jaskier shattered the moment and he pulled his hand away to rub it over his face. “Sorry,” Jaskier said sheepishly. “Staying up late is so much easier when there’s more dancing in the night and less horse riding in the day.” Geralt huffed out a little laugh. 

“You should rest,” he said, making sure not to sound patronising. 

“Will you join me?” 

“Not yet,” Geralt said, despite everything in him screaming ‘yes’. “I’ll hold watch until Eskel and Lambert return.”

Jaskier stifled another yawn. He steadied himself with one hand on Geralt’s shoulder as he got up. 

“Goonight then.” “Goodnight.”

Geralt watched, as Jaskier made his way to their tent. He was painfully aware of the sounds of Jaskier taking off his clothes and slipping into new ones. The happy sigh, when Jaskier snuggled into his bed roll, made Geralt’s heart beat faster. Jaskier was happy. Maybe it was just a small happiness about inconsequential things like stars and sleep, but still, it was more than Geralt had dared to hope for.

He stayed awake, listening to the sounds of the land, until Lambert and Eskel returned. They only exchanged a few words about how the area seemed safe and there were no monsters around. Lambert gave Geralt a shit eating grin. 

“Disappointed, pretty boy?” he asked, shoving Geralt lightly. “I bet you would have loved to show off how good you could  protect your little lordling from a griffin or two.”

Geralt didn’t dignify that with a response. He was sure, Lambert was still giving him a smug look, as he retreated to bed, but Geralt didn’t see it. His eyes were fixed on the Roach constellation. He pulled back the flap to his and Jaskier’s tent and froze. Jaskier was sleeping, as was to be expected. But instead of one of the blankets Geralt had packed for them, Jaskier had pulled Geralt’s cloak over himself. Geralt told his foolish heart to slow back to its normal speed, but it didn’t obey. 

Quietly, Geralt changed into his sleeping clothes. Then, he crouched down next to Jaskier, as he had done every night before going to sleep and gently touched his shoulder. Jaskier hadn’t protested him sleeping next to him before, but Geralt had to be sure. He didn’t want to overstep by assuming it would be alright and at the very least, Jaskier should be awake to see that Geralt had joined him. 

“Jaskier?” he whispered, shaking him lightly. 

Jaskier’s face scrunched up as he blinked himself awake. “Hm?”

“May I - “ 

Jaskier didn’t let him finish. He closed his eyes again and reached for him blindly. There was no strength behind Jaskier pulling Geralt down to lie next to him, but his intent was clear. Geralt didn’t resist. Neither did he make any move to stop Jaskier from tugging at Geralt’s arm to curl around him. It was for warmth, Geralt knew, and because Geralt was the one constant in Jaskier’s life now, even though it was by no choice of his. This wasn’t anything more than two people who had been forced to marry sharing body heat on a cold night. 

Yet, as Geralt drifted off to sleep, he found himself wishing he were allowed to kiss his husband goodnight.

---

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[nymika-arts]

i know, it’s hard enough to love me

established (soon to be married~) buddie, 1.3k 

this is part 1 of a pair, part 2 can be found here !

read on ao3

Buck couldn't sleep. 

It was nearly 2 am, and he had to be up in the morning, but his mind just kept turning, pulling up pasts and presents and futures, as if just thinking about it would make it all that little bit clearer. There was a small pit of anxiety building in his gut, and it had been there for a while, but tonight it was persistent, gnawing its way through him from the inside out.

Buck had asked Eddie to marry him months ago, and they'd spent all this time talking and planning (and reveling in calling one another fiancé), but somehow it hadn't felt quite real until this moment. Until he was lying in bed staring at the ceiling the night before their wedding, unable to rest. 

The thing was, most of him knew that he was living the life he'd always dreamed of, with a man that he loved more than anything in the world. He just couldn't believe it sometimes. And he'd worry that he'd just wake up one day and it would be gone, like it was never there at all, like the universe playing some miserably cruel joke on him. 

He didn't doubt Eddie, not ever. Buck knew that Eddie loved him (you're the love of my whole life, Eddie had said to him once, under the stars on a weekend away, so quietly, but with the weight of his heart behind it, and Buck knew he meant it completely), what he had trouble with sometimes was believing he deserved it.

How could he, fractured and difficult and heavy as he was, be something worthy of what Eddie gave to him? Of the warmth, and the safety, and the intimacy; the pieces of him that he'd never trust to anyone else?

Sometimes Eddie got this look on this face when he watched Buck, as if he was the only person in the world worth looking at, and that was impossible for Buck to wrap his head around. When you've spent your whole life being told you're not worth loving, it's harder to understand when it suddenly comes unconditionally.

Buck looked at himself and saw only shards of broken glass, but Eddie looked at him and saw how it glittered. Eddie saw all of his pieces, and all of his insecurities, and loved him regardless.

And Buck was grateful, because of all the people that he had shared himself with, all the relationships he’d clung to, they’d never loved him like this, and they’d never lasted. He’d realized, as well, that he’d never loved them quite like he loved Eddie, either. This was the real thing.

But how real it was, and how good it was, just made Buck all the more terrified to lose it. 

He knew it wasn't rational, really, this ever-present fear that there was a limit to the happiness he could experience before everything would come crashing down. He knew this was just his mind getting caught in a loop of telling itself it’s not worthy of the love it was offered. He also knew that Eddie would be the first to tell him so, but how stupid was it to wake up your fiancé the night before your wedding just to say hey, just checking, but you still like me, right? So he tried to stay quiet with his thoughts. He tried to let Eddie sleep, like a good fiancé would, and let his mind wear itself out snapping between nerves and excitement. He managed it for a little while.

But, well, he only had so much self control.

"Hey," Buck said.

"Mmph," the lump beside him replied.

"Hey."

"What?"

"We're getting married tomorrow."

"I know, that's why I'm trying to sleep."

"Eddie, we're getting married tomorrow."

Eddie finally shifted, rolling over to face him. "You having second thoughts? It's a little late in the game."

"I'm having lots of thoughts. Like how I'm gonna be able to introduce you to people as my husband, and how I'm gonna get to spend every day with you for the rest of my life, and... how you actually chose me, out of everyone in the world." Eddie's face softened, and he brushed a hand through Buck's curls affectionately. "But no, not second thoughts. Wouldn't dream of it."

"Buck, I'd chosen you before I'd even realized I had. And I would do it again, in any lifetime."

"You can't know that for sure, you haven't met me in every lifetime. What if I, like, murdered someone?"

Eddie laughed. "Well, I'm sure you had your reasons. I'd still love you." 

"I appreciate that."

"Good. Are you gonna go to sleep now?" 

Buck smiled at him, and shifted a bit, but that pit in his stomach was incessant, and he still felt it. Eddie clocked it right away, as he always did with Buck. He was amazingly intuitive when it came to Buck's moods.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Eddie prodded, squeezing his arm gently. 

Buck looked up at the ceiling, and thought about everything he had in his life, and everything that was coming, and it was everything he'd ever wanted. "Nothing," he said, because it was true. "Maybe that's what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, and that's wrong?"

"I don't know, it just..." he grappled for the right words to explain the twisted mess of anxiety in his head. Most of it didn't even make sense to him. "It feels like it's not supposed to be this right, for me. I love you, and I love our life, and asking you to marry me was the easiest decision I've ever made, but... Nothing has ever been that easy for me; I mean, you know what my life was like. But this is that easy. Loving this family is that easy. It just doesn't feel like I'm allowed to have it, you know? Like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop." 

"Buck, look at me," Eddie said. Buck did. "You mean more to me than you could possibly know, and you deserve every single good thing you have and more. And I'll remind you of that every day for the rest of our lives if that's what it takes for you to believe it." Eddie reached over and cupped Buck's jaw in his hand, brushing a thumb across his cheek with such tenderness that Buck closed his eyes for a second, just to take it in. "I love you. It's that easy."

Buck let the words settle on him, seeping into his skin like ink in a tattoo, and then falling deeper; to the bone, to his heart, to his soul. I love you, it's that easy. He held them there. 

There were times in his life when he was so alone he could hardly remember the feeling of having someone in his corner. He wondered what his past self would think if someone told him this is where he'd end up. He probably wouldn't have believed it. Wouldn't have even considered it an option for him.

Being with Eddie was the opposite of that. With Eddie he felt so seen, and so loved, that he forgot sometimes the way he used to look at his life and wonder why he tried at all.

Buck pulled himself across the small gap between them that suddenly felt miles too wide, and Eddie drew him in, wrapping Buck in his arms and holding him close. Buck let Eddie’s warmth surround him completely, and pressed a soft kiss to the bare skin of Eddie's shoulder, just above his collarbone.

"I love you," he whispered. "It's that easy."

"Get some sleep, okay?" Eddie said, tracing his fingers in small circles along Buck’s back. "I don't know if you know this, but we're getting married tomorrow."

Buck laughed. "Yeah, I had heard that."

[herblinz]

Project Maultifaceted - Relationships

This is a three-part post focusing on three types of relationships Maul has presented in EU and canon contents: (barely) romantic relationship, familial relationship, friendship. I think this character is written in a special case where his familial relationship is tangled up with mentorships, so I will be putting Palpatine’s interactions in with familial.

Links to my other Maul!content collection pjt: "Smile" (x), "Voice" (x).

Part I. Relationships bordering on an ambiguously or metaphorically romantic nature:

Spoilers alert

Kilindi Matako

Maul’s impression of their first encounter. His first impression of Kilindi is of her sparring against two Rodian boys (who decide to pick a bone with Maul for the rest of their short lives), it can be implied that Maul thinks Kilindi as “capable;” or it’s more a omniscient narrator’s commentary.

Then there’s this: the budding desire to establish a positive relationship

As a tween in Orsis Academy, Maul is doing great with training lessons and seems to enjoy being here quite a lot (except for having to suffer the prohibition of using the Force) because 1) he can fight people (def don’t want to be his opponent no sir), 2) he has a mentor who respects him (more later), 3) at least two students show sign of benevolent interest in him. He does not quite play along with others due to either a character trait, if we take it from George Mann’s An Unwilling Apprentice:

Or it’s simply a result of growing up without peers (and having possibly the most dastardly Sith ever plus a droid as caretakers). Maul’s early Sith lessons is seen already taken root, as he distrusts people’s intentions and questions them at every turn. He does not understand why Kilindi seems to be interested in him, and is surprised when she proposes to spend time together. But despite that, and his awful recollection of “swimming” on Myeeto, he makes the decision to go swimming with her.

“Not that he would ever tell her.”

Windham was tasked to write this—who knows why—as a middle-grader book. The language and depth of character exploration fit the demographics. Personally I think we would have a better book if this was written at least as a YA, but for this end-product we got, I say it is nicely done, and I enjoyed little moments like this one and when Maul “suddenly felt irritated” as Kilindi wants to give him some advice on the upcoming hunting (and having her advice written in a way to show she is an observant and capable fighter indeed, also that Maul was not above receiving genuine help; awesome, Windham. I grow to like Kilindi very much).

Young Maul and Kilindi did remind me of my first secret relationship/crush-however you call two kids being affectionate with each other but knew it could never worked and would never say it out loud

IIRC, Maul is arounf thirteen at this chapter. He is brought up to question everyone’s motivation around him (which is just due lesson for a Sith, who are always about to stab each other in the back), to view interpersonal relationships in a utilitarian way, but the brainwashing is not done completely yet. He is unable to simply file away certain feelings, even though he already senses those do not have a place in the destiny he believes he would have.

Then, when Maul is around fifteen: He is not a good teamplayer, a trait unfortunately persisted into adulthood and undermines him eventually, but he collaborates with Kilindi very well. When they are both tested by the Death Watch instructor Meltch Krakko, he is protective of Kilindi

If we take a concept from SW canon, this is when I see shatterpoints of Maul’s destiny have existed that could have pushed him into other directions. If Maul had treated Kilindi aloofly constantly instead of making (the minimum amount of) effort to get to know her; if he was not bullied by the Meltch Krakko, and given in to use the Force not only to save himself but to beat him down; if Krakko did not try to sell him to Mother Talzin; if Krakko did not double-cross Talzin… He might have been brought back to Dathomir as a teen, or grow up having some semblance of a relationship with Kilindi (although I can’t see this end well; Sith and their ideas of “passion” aside, I doubt Palpa wouldn’t teach young Maul a lesson on attachments).

(Windham, Ryder. The Wrath of Darth Maul. 2012)

The Orisis Academy and Maul’s interactions with several students are recurring elements for several writers in his EU content, though each writer has their own take. James Luceno, for example, in his short story “Restraint,” makes it most clear Maul does experience physical attraction towards his two female friends:

As he is dispatched to kill everyone in the academy by Sidious due to the risk of his force-user indentity being leaked, Luceno adds that "Maul decided he would miss Daleen and Kilindi, and Trezza especially. But he accepted that their deaths were essential to Darth Sidious' plan--a Grand Plan, in which Maul was now an accomplice."

He is still capable, and willing to feel emotions other than anger and rage. Which are not forbidden by the Sith philosophy by any means. In fact, we have a prime example of the legendary Darth Malgus, using his grief to enhance his power and connection to the dark side, after killing his lover Eleena Daru. Whether Maul is intended to be a self-aware character at this or not, he holds onto grief and sorrow as much as anger and rage to fuel his connection (likely not; he is one of the least self-aware character I came across. Might be because of Sidious' training on him to focus on the present moment).

(Luceno, James. “Restraint.” Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter. 2011)

Komari Vosa

After the destruction of Orisis and Maul’s positive relationships, we don’t get anything that seem to suggest he’s interested or ever sought out to establish any relationship beside the Master-Apprentice. Until Lockdown.

In this book, Maul is tasked to find a mysterious weapon merchant in the prison colony of Cog Hive Seven, where at the climax, his path crosses with Vosa’s, despite their initial misgiving (which is kinda stupid imo, no reason other than “i want to see them fight”), they fight side by side eventually and Maul completes his mission, with Vosa hinting at a “what if we work together” and of course rejected by Maul.

*An interesting lil something here when Maul is disgusted by certain imaginations regarding a may-or-may-not-be thirsty warden Sadiki Blirr (it is written that “she can’t take her eyes off” Maul as she watches him fight like a beast so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Then we have him and Komari Vosa, who he grows a sense of respect if not something a bit more after witnessing her defiant act against the giant worm

After Maul saves Vosa, Vosa returns the gesture by turning off the micro-denotators inside his hearts with the Force.

Maul is not reacting to physical touch very well as a Sith Lord should we all have seen Pre Viz getting his we-pals-now-hand smacked away

Another shatterpoint perhaps? Likely not, as Maul is already on the Sith path, going with Vosa would be undermining his pursuit for power, as well as getting them both killed by Sidious. I like how Schreiber gives Maul a moment of near-reflection, near-temptation for something else other than the destiny Sidious promised him. But now he is already getting pretty good at putting away thoughts he can't process without destroying his identity😂

The novel ends with a smudge of a shadow of the barely existent tiny snip (you get the point) of longing:

(Schreiber, Joe. Maul: Lockdown. 2014.)

Sinya, a Twi'lek bodyguard of the Black Sun. This encounter happens in EU, directly after Lockdown, the plots are actually connected.

Need I say more xD

Then there’s the 2017 Star Wars: Darth Maul comics. An excellent collection that fills in some gaps between the new canon Maul timelines.

I enjoyed the artwork as well as the writing. However, as I read, I could not shake off this strange suspicion that Maul’s *first* Jedi kill is framed here in a metaphorical way of losing one’s virginity; the rush before and the disillusionment afterwards (due to his misplaced connection)….. Anyone else see it too?

Aight, the other relationships will have to wait until I assemble more braincells. Feel free to dm me your interpretations and HCs or holler in the comments:3

[jfrut]

NCIS: Hawai'i: A Million Years

Part 1 of 2. What happened after the party at Tennant's home. Extended / Alternate ending to NCIS Hawai'i S01 EP22 Ohana with Kate Whistler and Lucy Tara. Inspired by the lyrics of 'Make You Feel My Love'.

Lucy walked underneath the balcony, pulling Kate’s hand in hers behind her. Kate expected them to walk upstairs to where the party was but as soon as they were out of sight of the upstairs audience, Lucy stopped in her tracks.

She looked up at Kate, her face soft with warmth, ‘I had no idea you sang so well.’ She paused as if she was struggling to find words. ‘That was just amazing, and brave – even if Ernie put you up to it. And, I know no one could make you do anything you didn’t want to.’ 

Kate bit her lip and smiled back, ‘I need to tell you…I have more to say and I need you to hear me out. But before that, I want to go say hi to everyone upstairs. Tennant insisted that I drop by the party. But, I really would like to see you after.’  

‘Yeah, okay’, said Lucy, ‘we can do that’ looking intently at Kate. 

They both went upstairs hand in hand. Giving each other looks that could only express one  thing –  both of their desires to just run away together at this moment. It was torture to not be able to just leave. There was so much unsaid and too many feelings to describe.  

‘Heyyy you two are quite the duo’, said Hina as they walked into the den, ‘and girl, woah you can belt out some Adele real good, Kate is it?'

‘Oh thanks Hina, that’s so kind. Yeah I’m Kate,’ Kate turned beet red and could feel it. She knew if she could just get through the next 15 minutes she could make an excuse and get home. Maybe everyone would forget and stop talking about this, at least she could hope.

Kate saw Ernie and couldn't stop but smile. Ernie mouthed – really really sorry – from across the room. Kate wasn’t mad at Ernie at all, in fact she wasn’t sure there was any other way to get Lucy to give her a chance to really explain herself. She also knew they had a long way to go, this was just the crack in the door to Lucy’s heart. She found herself enjoying the idea of earning back Lucy’s trust. She had a plan far better than Ernie’s and she knew it was going to work. The singing? That was just a gesture, Lucy had no idea the romantic that Kate was. Lucy didn’t know everything. She had no idea that whatever was coming next would be much, much bigger.

After going around the room and making small talk, Kate caught Lucy’s eye and silently beckoned with a subtle head tilt to see if Lucy was ready to go. Lucy caught on immediately and they both said bye to the group, making excuses for the very long day. Everyone’s smiling faces acknowledging the departure with amusement, but also with understanding.

Finally as Kate and Lucy stepped outside Tennants home, Lucy looked at Kate as if to ask what now. Kate obliged with, 'meet me at my place and give me a 5 min head start?' 

'You…want me to drive separately? I mean, you know I can leave my car here and we can get to tomorrow Tennant wouldn’t care,' Lucy reasoned. 

She really didn’t want to be apart from Kate and she couldn't quite explain the longing just to be in the same space. It was as if a painfully stinging part of her deep inside had been extinguished only to have let an even more painful longing for Kate take over her mind and soul. 

Kate came in close, as if she knew exactly what was going on in Lucy’s mind, and placed a soft but persistent kiss on Lucy’s lips. 'I need a few minutes,' she said mysteriously as she looked into Lucy’s eyes, her thumb stroking the back of Lucy’s hand as she held it. ‘And I know the cat's out of the bag, and Tennant and you are very close, but I think you’d rather not run into Tennant tomorrow while picking up your car.' 

'Okay', said Lucy, 'see you in a bit'. She had no idea what Kate needed the time for or why she wanted them to take their own cars. Kate’s place was never a mess so it wasn’t like she needed time to set things straight. 

Lucy decided to pick up a bottle of wine on the way. Whistler always had the fridge stocked but Lucy never failed to bring a bottle over to ensure it stayed that way. She knew Whistler’s favorite brand of pinot grigio and the touristy island stocked decent wine at almost every store you could think of. 

Lucy walked up to Kate’s new apartment which she really hadn’t spent much time in, and the flashback of Cara opening the door came flooding back. She felt a lump in her throat. She took a long deep breath, and knocked quietly. 

The door opened almost immediately as Kate stood barefoot in a soft pink satin robe that came halfway down her thighs. Lucy had not seen this one before. She couldn't take her eyes off of Kate and awkwardly stuttered, 'I picked up some wine.' 

She just wanted to look at Kate unencumbered. She wanted to reach out and touch the robe and feel its softness on her face. She wanted to tell Kate how much she missed her and the unbearable pain she had made herself endure because she didn’t want second place. She wished she could stop time and get it all out but her trance was broken by Kate’s touch.

‘Oh thanks', said Kate as she took the bottle in one hand and Lucy’s hand in the other. Kate placed the wine in the fridge and looked at Lucy with apprehension. 

'I know you’ve had a really difficult day and I thought you might enjoy a soothing bath.' Kate said as if she was asking permission to bathe Lucy.

'A bath huh? Are you…planning on joining me?' said Lucy with eyebrows raised and totally amused. She startled herself at how easily that came out. 

'I'm planning on giving you a relaxing time,' said Kate pausing after every word, ‘and if you don’t like it just tell me, and I’ll stop.' With that she led Lucy into the master bedroom which was lit with candles placed around the room and smelled delicious. Was it lavender? Lucy couldn't quite put her finger on it. As she walked in and looked towards the bathroom, Lucy could see rose petals on the floor around the massive white tub in Whistler's enormous master bath, more candles, two wine glasses, and a bottle peeking out of an ice bucket. She knew why Kate needed those few extra minutes. And at that moment it hit Lucy – Kate knew it could’ve gone either way, and that she took a big gamble. Kate didn’t take her for granted and nor was she in second place. 

Lucy pursed her lips, 'okay let's do this, sure, I could use a relaxing bath'. She looked up at Kate innocently.

Kate was both relieved and excited, and as much as she tried to hide her exhilaration her sparkling eyes gave it away. She took Lucy’s hands, lifted them up and placed them around her neck and slowly removed Lucy’s shirt, and then her red t-shirt underneath it. She looked into Lucy’s eyes as her hand went down to undo Lucy’s pant button then fly, and helped her out of the pants. Lucy’s skin glowed golden in the candle light, she stood in front of Kate with a matching black bra and panty set with just a hint of lace around the edges, both practical yet magnetically alluring. Kate swallowed. The familiar smell of Lucy’s skin mixed with the hint of her body spray with undertones of mint, rosemary, ginger, and sandalwood had Kate breathing slowly and deeply, she was lost for a minute in familiar aromatherapy. Maybe it was longer, she really didn’t care.

'So…shall I get in?' Lucy asked as if a little girl at a kiddie pool. 

Kate took Lucy’s hand and turned her around to face the tub and stand behind Lucy. She slowly undid the bra clasp, and as Lucy removed the bra from her front, Kate kissed her on the nape just below where Lucy’s neck met her back, her arms around Lucy’s lower waist from behind. Lucy felt her entire body tingle all the way to her fingers. She spread out her toes to steady herself as she felt the satin softness of Kate’s robe on her back and every curve through it. 

Lucy bent down to remove her underwear. And even though there was no logical reason to, she felt exposed. She quickly slipped in the bath to escape her shyness in front of Kate and was relieved to see Kate had turned away to play with the jacuzzi knobs. 

‘So the best part about my new apartment is this tub, you’re going to love the whirlpool jet massage,’ Kate gleamed goofily as she turned on the massage heads. 

Water gushed all around Lucy and the aroma of the oils in the water filled her senses. She felt the force of the jet heads on her back and let out a deep breath. Kate poured wine into the two glasses and handed one to Lucy. She sipped her wine and watched Lucy close her eyes and sink into the tub; the glass still in her hand. Kate put her glass down, took off her robe and quietly slipped in. 

Lucy smiled and relaxed. Seeing Kate in the water put her at ease, yet it felt as if they had never been so intimate before. She felt Kate’s hand on her feet slowly massaging the bottom of her left foot. Kate’s legs around hers just barely grazing them. Lucy watched Kate gaze downwards focusing on her toes.

‘I’m good, you don’t have to do that, Kate.’

‘Do you like it? Does it feel good?’

‘Ummm… it feels so good.’ 

‘I want to, so just relax and enjoy it.’

Lucy relaxed, the awkwardness started to fade and she just enjoyed the water swirling around her. The moments passed quickly, like the first bite of maple syrup and dripping butter on the fluffiest pancakes in your mouth. 

Lucy opened her eyes as Kate leaned forward and reached for Lucy’s hand. She took the wine glass which was still full and put it to one side. 

‘Come here.’ Kate beckoned.

She pulled Lucy towards her gently and said, ‘turn around’.

Lucy slid in between Kate legs, her back to Kate, her outer thighs touching Kate’s knees. Kate placed her hands on Lucy’s shoulders and gently massaged them. She kissed Lucy at the tip where her neck met her back. Kate's hands caressed Lucy’s arms slowly all the way wrapping them around Lucy’s arms while her lips placed small kisses on Lucy’s shoulder. Kate’s caresses were like a tall drink of cold milk after those pancakes, Lucy thought to herself. It brought back some of her most favorite childhood memories.  

Kate held Lucy’s head as she dipped into the water and moved her hair back gently as Lucy came back out of the water. Lucy let her head hang back to rest on Kate's shoulder. Her body defied her as she fully surrendered to this assault on her defenses, there was no way out, physically at least. She could feel Kate’s body around her and for the first time ever she thought to herself she could sit here in Kate's arms forever. 

They didn’t know if time had passed or stood still, when Lucy turned her head and said, ‘you said you have things you wanted to say to me?’’

‘I do, yes, but let’s dry you off first,’ Kate smiled.

They hadn’t sipped their wine at all. They didn’t even want to. Kate stepped out of the bath and wrapped herself in a towel. Lucy couldn't help but take in her alluring beauty, turning away quickly as Kate looked her way and walked over with another bath towel for her. Lucy stepped out of the tub as Kate wrapped her in the towel and held her in her arms placing a quick peck on the side of her forehead and giving her a squeeze. 

As Kate threw on a tank top and some soft sleep shorts in the walk-in closet off of the master bathroom, she handed Lucy one of her white soft sleep shirts. It was long on Lucy and smelled of fresh laundry scent. Lucy dried her hair, walked into the bedroom and looked at Kate with a “hey, excuse me” look.

‘What?’ said Kate, ‘ do you need anything?’ 

‘Umm…so just a t-shirt, I mean do I get pants?’ 

‘You don’t need them,’ Kate teased, already in bed, ‘I can’t see anything’. She had turned out all the candles and turned on the bed-side lights on their dimmest setting. Her blonde hair back in a ponytail glistened in the darkened room. 

Lucy walked over matter of factly as if she was up to the challenge and climbed in, as Kate watched. Kate moved towards her and then pulled her into an embrace as they both snuggled. Lucy sunk into Kate's arms, her head resting on Kate's upper chest. Kate's right hand slowly went up Lucy’s left thigh all the way up to her hips, pulling her closer only to realize that Lucy was wearing underwear after all. She laughed as her hand went up Lucy’s back beneath her shirt.

‘What?’ Lucy mumbled feigning innocence.  

‘You know exactly what,’ Kate whispered in Lucy’s ear, nibbling on it ever so gently.                                                                                                                  

Lucy started to kiss Kate hungrily. Kate caressed Lucy’s face slowly and kissed back ever so softly to calm the pace, and when their lips parted, Kate smiled and said, ‘I love you so much’.

1 of 2. To Be Continued…

[struggling-with-time]

How to spiral out of control [Simpbur x reader]

Pairing: c!Wilbur Soot x fem!reader (Simpbur x reader)

Summary: How simpbur became simpbur. And how you grew up and lived with him.

Warnings: Obsession, unhealthy obsession, stalking, murder, drugging, unhealthy relationship, and Simpbur being a creep.

Words: 5K

Masterlist: Wilbur’s Masterlist - Full Masterlist

A/N: Listen I had brainrot. And I don't know how to defend this. (Also requests are still open! Click here!) And it's unedited for now it's 5:12 am here I will edit later today

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Wilbur was a pretty insignificant child. The death of his mother being one of the most interesting things about his childhood. While he claimed not to blame his youngest brother for the loss of his mother. He certainly had a funny way of showing his youngest brother affection.

Wilbur is the middle child of three. A charming but quiet and well accomplished older brother, who seems to never have to end to his dedication neither success. And his youngest brother, a loud ball of sunshine that just seems to make everyone in a good mood. Truly good with people, something Wilbur never seemed to grasp.

His whole childhood tainted by that fact. Always living in the shadow of his brothers, the clear favourites of everyone who came near the family of four.

So his grades was just average, never good enough to get acknowledged, never bad enough to need extra attention. Just average, like the rest of him. He grew up lanky, not athletic neither unable to run. Wilbur was grey in a family of golden people. His father raised them alone for most of Wilbur’s life. His father that despite never saying it out loud had clear favourites in his brothers. It was always, oh and Wilbur too!

Never him, never just him.

So, Wilbur spent most of his childhood lonely, disregarded and weird. A pitiful child. A pathetic child.

The thing is there was one thing, that made Wilbur worth anyone’s time. One person. You.

His childhood best friend.

Well, that’s what anyone who only knew Wilbur would say. Because you were the only friend he had. However, it was different for you, although the two of you were good friends, you wouldn’t call him your best friend for years. That didn’t happen till you became teenagers.

You had always tried your best to include the weird kid in playdates, birthday parties, and playground games. But nobody else seemed to find him worth their time, with his weird and morbid comments. But you persisted that he wasn’t that weird, besides his older brother was really cool.

So, you stick around, you stick around as playdates become hangouts, as dolls become makeup, and homework goes from learning to read to writing essays.

While you had many friends, both come and go and stay, Wilbur had been there for as long as you could remember. A playground proposal documented on home video. And a remake of it on the day of your school dance. You had played along, but it was known to everyone that your childhood friend wanted to be more than friends. But you stayed, smiled for the camera and laughed it off.

Then the school dance was over, and the last exam had been taken. That’s when you moved a country over, and slowly you lost contact with the people you used to call friends, but Wilbur stayed. Wilbur always stayed.

He finally got the spot as the best friend in your mind too. A definite win in his book.

Wilbur had always been odd, a bit to the left of normal. But now, with distance and screens in between you, he only started to act more concerning. This was around the time he started talking about feeling depressed and useless.

Of course, you always told him you didn’t believe that, what else were you supposed to say? Your friendship turning more and more into therapy sessions once a week for Wilbur on your end. While for him it was the highlight of his week.

Clicking the call button beside your profile picture, an anime girl from one he had recommended to you himself. One he had stayed up an entire night to shift through different animes to find the perfect one to send your way. One he was guaranteed you would watch.

“Wilbur, I should really get off.”

“C’mon stay on just a bit later, please.”

The silence deafening over the video call, he watches you intensely as you pull your legs into your chest, your shitty webcam standing beside you on your bed.

Wilbur reached out for the energy drink beside him, a new habit he has picked up. The more hours spent on the computer, the more he seemed to consume.

“Fine, just half an hour more. But then it’s the last half hour.”

Wilbur smiles at that, you choosing him over everything else in the world. He likes that, he likes that a lot. You valuing him. Spending time with him, and only him. Your attention is his.

“We could always fall asleep on call, then we could keep talking.”

“Another day Wilbur, another day.”

That. That sentence he on the other hand didn’t like. Not one bit. A promise never kept. A promise left unspoken and unpromised from your side, but a broken and abandoned promise on his side.

Then there was the wall incident.

Wilbur wouldn’t have told you if it weren’t for you noticing the hole in his wall. One that matched his fist quite neatly. His father had taken his PS4 in punishment for Wilbur using so much the WiFi plan to call you. At least that’s what he told you.

In reality, he had gotten into a fight with his older brother, his brother had asked about you, how you were doing, and if he could say hi during a call. There was something about the words that had irked Wilbur, something that set him off, something about him that made his brother seem dangerous to Wilbur. So, he had decked his older brother in the face. Causing a blackeye to occur.

In return, Wilbur now sported a big black and blue spot from where he hit the floor. His brother having immediately tackled him.

And to Wilbur that had confirmed his thoughts. Other guys are dangerous, he’s the only one you should rely on.

The wall had taken the brunt of his rage that night, a screaming match with his dad that ended with his little brother getting sent to his friends' house, and his PS4 getting confiscated until Wilbur had gotten a job and was able to pay back the damages.

And he did get a job, much to your surprise. But you had encouraged him throughout it all. A dead-end cashier job that only seemed to make his world staler and more bothersome than before.

A time where he searched for every distraction possible, gaming, music, you.

You were proud of him when he got the hole in his wall fixed, and even more when he kept his job. And Wilbur doesn’t remember you ever giving him more praise than the day he told you he was starting to investigate going to university.

Naturally, you helped him, and along the way, Wilbur picked up a guitar. A new asset to his den of depression that his room had become, decked in led lights, and overpriced RGB gaming stuff.

The university acceptance came rather quick, and suddenly Wilbur was packing up his life and heading to university. Boxes filled with stuff he barely remembered owning, and kitchen appliances that would never see the light of the day.

And he can feel you starting to drift, already busy with your own life. But he clings to you.

He stays, Wilbur always stays in your life. Even when you drift.

Wilbur knows it’s affecting him. It’s not hidden from anyone. The longer that goes between the two of you talking, the sourer his mood gets. The longer you don’t respond to him, the more messages he sends. The more information he craves to know.

Who are you talking to?

Who are you seeing?

Who is so much more important than him?

Hadn’t he always been there for you?

Hadn’t he always stayed?

You owe him.

Wilbur grows bitter and resentful. But not to you, never to you. But for everyone around you. His biggest joys in life now coming from the ungodly amount of caffeine he drinks, and whenever you reach out first.

This is why the day you call him asking for help is forever a day that will bring him joy.

“Hey Will, you’re really good with tech, and I was wondering if you wanted to help me start streaming.”

He chokes on the energy drink. He chokes on his words. He chokes on the air. He drowns.

His heart aching. His anger festering. His-

“Sure.”

He hears himself respond before he can even process the thought.

It takes him 2 days of absence from university, and what feels like 2 even longer nights, before he’s an expert on how to stream. He reads everything he can find, he watched everything that gets suggested.

You asked him for help, so he will help.

But Wilbur, spends these hours conflicted. You want his help, not someone else’s, someone lesser than him. Him.

But at the same time. His mind keeps wandering, isn’t he enough any longer? Isn’t he good enough for you? Why isn’t he good enough for you? Why? Why?

And thus, he learns you how to use the software, and beings alongside you. He finds comfort in knowing most of your streams whenever possible is spent with him on a call with you.

Although that happens after hours of pestering, that doesn’t matter. He gets to talk to you, while the rest is limited to a measly chat.

You seem to find yourself comfortably in the gaming category, slowly growing. Slowly rising.

Wilbur’s own streams, on the other hand, feels more like incoherent rants interrupted by his guitar plays. And once in a blue moon, you are on call with him.

It doesn’t take long before he gives up, watching you grow. Finding more comfort in watching you, instead of being the watched. Not that anyone really did watch him besides for you.

Wilbur stays out of a camera, as you only seem to grow more comfortable being in front of one.

The first time you have someone on a call with you on stream, who isn’t Wilbur. He just can’t help but break his bedside lamp. It’s a guy nonetheless. A guy from the internet. The type of guy Wilbur has never been shy to tell you horror stories about.

And this is where another bad habit of his started to emerge. He just can’t help himself. But you’re laughing with someone else. You’re smiling for someone else. You’re his. Not anyone else’s. His. His. His.

Wilbur is quick to find the donating button he had helped you set up himself. At that time it had only been used a couple of times. Nothing big. But Wilbur wants big. He wants attention. He wants you.

He fumbles with his credit card as he keys in the numbers, he’s a bit too familiarised with them. Because anything he can get from the internet will be delivered that way.

And then the notification pops up on your screen. A donation number you had never expected. And you start crying. Right there. Right on stream. And Wilbur sucks it up. He sucks it right up that you’re crying for him, whiling praising him, and only him.

The match you were playing ruined, and Wilburs smile only grows as he hears the familiar tone of discord receiving a call.

That night. You had ditched the fellow streamer to thank Wilbur and hang out with him.

Something you never thought you would regret.

But oh, how you did. How you did.

It takes Wilbur around 2 months to get used to a large sum of money means special attention to him, and only him. For everyone to see.

And he can feel you pulling away, so each time he donates, it’s bigger. Larger. Grander.

He’s never on your stream without a donation anymore. Never on call for free. But Wilbur doesn’t mind, because everyone gets to see you’re his.

And he keeps increasing the amount as you keep growing until he hits a stalemate. He’s using half of his paycheck on you, while he doesn’t mind going hungry a couple of days. His bills won’t wait for him. And he has been living away from home for far too long to ever think about calling up his father and ask for money.

Not to mention his oldest brother would never. Then neither will Wilbur. Because Wilbur is better. Better than all of them.

The larger your stream grows, the closer graduation arrives, and then Wilbur is sitting in another apartment. Another dead-end job. Another grey life.

Another dull life passing him by. Your voice constantly on loop his apartment. Constantly filling his life. As it always has. But to you, Wilbur is barely a part of your everyday. Only really showing up when a donation comes in. As you once again tell him not to spend money on you.

But he seems to stay. Wilbur always stays.

He’s the first to like anything you post on social media. Always online never off. Always lurking. Never missing. Never absent. He’s always there.

Wilbur never misses a stream; he schedules his life around yours. Even if you’re a country away.

And then one day you’re not. You’re not a country away, you’re moving back. You’re moving closer. And suddenly you live an hour away by car. Instead of an airplane ride, and shitty trains.

Suddenly Wilbur can see himself get a foot in the door. No longer grasping onto his parasitic parasocial friendship with you. He can see himself being more than the childhood friend who has always been there. He can see himself as the partner that always is there.

Wilbur is giddy the entire car ride. He’s giddy as he feels his bag burn on his shoulder. And he’s giddy until the second you embrace him in a hug and welcome him into your new apartment.

It’s bigger than the one you’ve had since university.

And then his future crumbles. You start talking about a guy named Jared. Fucking Jared. Why did even his name have to leave a sour taste in his mouth? A guy you met over the internet. Not just any guy. No specifically the fucker from the first time Wilbur had donated.

Apparently, he wasn’t a streamer, but a friend you had made during your 2 years you lived at university but never told Wilbur about. Not a single mention of him, and suddenly he’s all you’re talking about.

How could Wilbur have known? You hadn’t even mentioned him on stream. Wilbur always listened so carefully, writing down everyone you mentioned. You had called him attentive once, and he would never want to disappoint you. Maybe if he was attentive enough you would look his way.

Instead, here you are talking about this Jared guy. And Wilbur knows what he has to do. A thought he has been toying with for around 3 years now. Ever since you went to Disneyland together. A trip he paid for, and a trip that was streamed, so everyone could see you were his. You were always his.

That was easily his favourite video.

In the week up to the vacation, Wilbur had done everything he could to learn about cameras so he could help you, and do the most for you. He had even helped you sort through some of the non-streamed videos he filmed too for a YouTube video for you.

Which is where he found the clip of you changing.

The camera had been resting on your hotel bed, the video having a clear Dutch angle, leaving the hotel room slandered. But there you were, right square and centre still. Changing. It takes you a minute to finish before you turn around and pick the camera up again. Mumbling something as you turn it to show off your hotel room, and then the clip cuts to black.

He never told you about it, instead just saving that specific clip on a USB stick. A piece of tech he valued more than his life. Not that his life had ever been worth much in comparison to his.

Wilbur rips his bag open, careful not to make a lot of noise. He removed his clothes, and then the fake bottom. And underneath it reveals small security cameras.

Wilbur has never been more thankful for you being a heavy sleeper and letting him sleep on a mattress on the floor of your bedroom. He quietly sets up two in your bedroom, before moving into the rest of your house. One in your office that has been converted to a streaming room. His own personal angle to your public life.

Two more in the living room, he skips the kitchen and hesitates at the door of your bathroom. For the first time, he hesitates. His hand hovers over the doorknob, the other holding the camera.

“Wilbur?”

You’re standing in the hallway, sleep evident on your face.

“Will why are you making so much noise?”

“No reason darling, go back to bed, just needed some water.”

His breath is stuck in his throat until he hears you close the bedroom door again.

That was the first time he hesitated. And his last. He couldn’t afford it. He couldn’t afford to lose you further.

The rest of the trip passes Wilbur by as you introduce him to Jared. The douchebag himself. The asshole. The guy who dares take away what is Wilbur’s. Even on the ride home. All Wilbur can see is Jared’s image etched into his mind. His god-awful fashion sense. The way everything, he wore around you, just seemed to be a size too small. Nobody wants to see that fuckers’ muscles. Wilbur’s knuckles turn white, as he grips the steering wheel.

Jared has to go.

He’s ruining everything. He’s not part of the dream you told Wilbur you had. Jared has never been part of that. Wilbur was supposed to be part of that. Even if the dream changed through the year. Even if the one you’re living now is the unimaginable future the two of you imagined up at seventeen. But one thing was sure. Jared wasn’t part of that. Wilbur was.

Wilbur easily finds himself a new normal at home. The trip giving him a refreshed sense of hope. A plan in the making. His daily routine now including watching you all hours of the day. Not just your streams any longer. Every single second he can wrench out of those cameras.

And suddenly his friendship seems to improve with you too. Because now he can see when you’re sad and in need of a friend. He reaches out at the perfect time. Abusing your vulnerable state. Because it’s the best to do. It’s for the betterment of your future.

The more Wilbur is there for you, the more he resents Jared. He deserved to be in your bed, not that asshole. He deserves to reap the rewards of his hard labour. He is the one that has always been there because Wilbur has always stayed.

A simple click is all it takes for Wilbur and the item has been placed in a cart. Mere keystrokes and it has been paid. A single click and Wilbur has truly gone insane, as a packet is shipped off. A packet containing a bottle of sleeping pills.

The next time you invite Wilbur down, you barely recognise him as you open the door. Eyebags so deep you’ve never seen before. His entire body slightly twitching, and that manic smile on his lips. Wilbur brushes your concerns off, claiming that’s just what happens in real workplaces. Not that you would know anything about that.

Wilbur hates the feeling of insulting you, but you had barely responded the entire week. You deserved to suffer for a moment. Before he caves and apologises for being rude. That’s the moment you can see the resembles of his normal being as he hangs his shoulders.

Jared comes over that night. Just as Wilbur had planned. And this time he won’t hesitate. He even bought a bigger car for this.

Wilbur offers to mix the drinks, claiming to have learnt a new recipe. Which isn’t a lie, he has learned how to perfect just the right cocktail thick enough that covers the chalky residue of the pills. And sweet enough to make the bitter taste disappear.

He serves them, keeping a watchful eye as the night drags on, and Jared never seems to shut up. But Wilbur can deal with it for one night. Just for one. And then he won’t ever have to worry about Jared again.

He serves another.

And then another drink.

And finally. Finally. You’re starting to get tired. Slowly leaning against Wilbur. And he takes pride in that. Great pride. You didn’t choose to lean against Jared, you’re leaning against Wilbur.

Wilbur sits still until Jared too is starting to fall asleep. Wilbur is ecstatic.

He gets up slowly, gently laying you down, a pillow underneath your face. A blanket over you. He kisses your forehead and smells your hair. Taking in the shampoo scent still lingering.

Then Wilbur gets moving, he has stuff to do. Plans to execute after all.

He does his best to get Jared’s left arm over his shoulders. But their awkward height difference makes it difficult, but he can make it work. It has to work. He only gets one shot.

Wilbur gets the front door open before he realises a fatal flaw in his plan. He has to drag Jared down 3 floors worth of stairs. He realises he can’t do it the way he is now. He has to drag him down by his armpits instead.

It takes him the first flight of stairs to realise Jared shoes are making too much noise. He has to abandon them, Wilbur awkwardly gets Jared leaned against the wall before he removes Jared’s polished black shoes. Wilbur leaves them there, making a mental note to remember them when he comes back.

The rest of the stairs, while difficult and definitely breathtaking for someone who has no muscle strength. He makes it work. Wilbur actually makes it work.

He made it work. It worked. Oh god. It’s working.

Wilbur repositions Jared once more, his arm once again over Wilbur’s shoulders. The night sky greeting him as he steps out of the apartment complex. With great difficulty, Wilbur gets the two of them over to his car, where he throws open the trunk. In the proceed shaking the car, setting off the car alarm. Wilbur is quick to drop Jared as he fumbles after his car keys. It takes him nearly a full minute to turn off the car alarm.

Wilbur curses under his breath.

Annoyed with the time loss. He finally gets the knocked-out Jared into his trunk, and he shuts it again. Just as a front door in the apartment complex opens. A man steps out. He raises a hand to Wilbur, before pulling out a smoke.

Wilbur shuffles on his feet before raising a hand. And then awkwardly gets into his car.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

He has a body in his trunk. Now he just has to get to the harbour. Wilbur starts the car and starts the ride to the harbour a town over.

Half an hour has gone past when Wilbur is pulling the handbrake, and taking the keys out. He’s quick to get out, and even quicker to get to Jared. Wilbur keeps thinking about you. Your smile. Your kindness. Your voice. Your beauty. Your grace. As his hands are securing zip ties around the wrists and ankles of an unconscious man.

He has to go.

Wilbur reminds himself.

A cloth is tied around Jared’s filthy mouth, and then Wilbur is back to dragging him. It’s both easier and harder. Easier before he’s just dragging him across the pebbles and over to the brink of the harbour. Both of his arms are under both of Jared’s.

But it’s harder because if someone sees him it’s going to get difficult to explain. But nobody does. As far as Wilbur is aware.

So a splash is made by a body, and Jared is unceremoniously sinking to the bottom of the ocean floor.

Wilbur takes one more breath of fresh air. Before turning around and getting back into his new car.

He’s quick to arrive at your apartment complex. The man was no longer there. Wilbur goes to grip the front door. It doesn’t bulge.

Oh yeah, it’s locked.

He fishes the copy he made of your house key from his keychain and lets himself into the building he doesn’t live in. An invited guest, that has turned out to be an uninvited one.

He can feel the tiredness setting in his bones, as he ascends the stairs. And the realisation that he just killed someone hasn’t dawned on him yet. Instead, all his muscles are aching, and his eyes barely staying open.

He stumbles into your apartment. Another kiss gets left on your forehead as he goes for your bed. The smell is so nice. It’s so obvious to him this is where you sleep. And he’s soaking in each moment until his eyes are giving out.

His night remaining dreamless, instead, he gets awoken rather rudely around noon. You’ve pulled the comforter off him and told him to get up, so the two of you can spend some timeacting together. and Wilbur happily does that.

Not at all acing like a man who purposely took another person’s life mere hours ago. You rush him to get into his clothes. As you have something planned for rest of the day out of the apartment. You’re talking his ears off as you descend the first flight stairs your personal puppy in tow.

When you stop dead in your tracks. Wilbur nearly stumbles into you.

“Will, is that Jared’s shoes?”

And right there is in fact Jared’s shoes. The pair Wilbur had forgotten all about. The pair he had left unintentionally.

“Are you sure about that? Thought he already left.” Wilbur lies, he may be awkward, but he has gotten pretty good at lying to you through the years.

“Yeah yeah, you’re right. Why would he leave his shoes?”

The question gets left unanswered, and the tension is thick until you get outside, and the sun is shining. It seems it knows too of how good this day is for Wilbur, a dawn of a new era. Where you will finally acknowledge him as the perfect one for you.

The man from the nightstand once again with a smoke and raises his hand to greet Wilbur, once again Wilbur shuffles on his feet before he raises a hand back. You look at him weirdly, and Wilbur shrugs it off.

The rest of the day happening without any mishaps or other incidents. But the shoes just can’t seem to leave your mind, despite how hard Wilbur is trying to distract you.

And then the afternoon passes, and the night, and the car ride, and Wilbur is once again home. And as soon as the door closes. He crumbles down on the floor.

Oh god.

He did it.

He actually fucking did it.

He isn’t useless.

He’s fucking Wilbur, and Wilbur stays in your life. Even when you make such stupid mistakes as falling for another person. There’s only one person for you and that’s him.

You’re actually the first one to call him this time, and the smile never leaves his lips. Even if the call is about Jared. And how worried you are about not having heard from him. Wilbur just tells you; you should have listened to him. Guys on the internet are just like that. And that you deserve better. Someone like him.

You laugh at this and thank him for calming you down.

Wilbur suddenly loves phone calls.

This bliss is perfect for Wilbur you’re talking to him more and more. And he watches, god he watches you. Every step you take in that apartment is filmed logged on his computer.

However, all good things must come to an end, and Wilbur has barely pulled off his tie after work when a group of loud knocks sounds at his door. He isn’t expecting guests.

A group of men in blue uniforms greets him.

“Wilbur Soot, you’re under the arrest for the Murder of Jared Yarrow.”

Wilbur barely registers what’s going on, before he’s in a holding cell. A psych evaluation under his belt. A phone call to his father asking him to help him out.

The days bleed together in the unchanging environment, and suddenly a defender is telling him to plead for insanity.

Then the defender comes back again days later with a court date, and all Wilbur can do is count the seconds.

Time for the first time since arriving slows down when the doors to the court open and Wilbur is lead into the courtroom. And there you are, looking beautiful as ever. Tears and despair clearly written on your face. You look away from him, and it makes him stumble for a moment. A quick look to the other side, confirms his fear. His father is here. Alongside his brothers.

The trial goes over what happened that night, the evidence, the sleeping medication, the car. Everything. Yet even when his sentence is received, even when he is told he won’t see the sun again for a long time. There is only one thing on his mind.

They never found the cameras.

And he just can’t help but smile at that as he’s getting lead away to rot.

Because Wilbur has always stayed by your side, Wilbur always stays. -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

[ghost-like-pale]

no need to hide from me

info: philza finds out about your scars. not that he's mad, he's just surprised. 》 they/them 》 irl + platonic 》 1.5k words

warnings: explicit selfharm, blood, hurt/comfort, implied father/child-like bond

a/n: my first piece, i don't know how i feel about it.

this blog it meant as a way of coping with trauma/mental issues, please don't report it. if you don't want to see what i write, please just block me.

——♤——

"kgh-"

you felt the pain run through your body as the blood slowly dripped past your forearm onto your thigh. a sharp inhale went through your airpipe into your aching lungs.

"ack-!"

the small razorblade slid over your troubled skin for the fifth time these past 2 minutes, hoping no one would hear your small choked sobs from the echoing bathroom.

after letting the pain simmer down you get welcomed coldly by numbness. it never fails to meet you after a cut.

this meet-up has been nice, enjoyable, even. but the guilt of not being able to be as hyperactive as tommy and tubbo, the embarrassment of not understanding what wilbur was talking about and the shame of accidentally saying something stupid and phil laughing at it gave you a reason to punish yourself.

—

you didn't eat much during dinner, even though it was your favorite meal - kristen even cooked for everyone. that's exactly when phil knew something was wrong.

you excused yourself from the table and walked upstairs to the room you resided in. after the others moved on from the dinner table to the living room phil decided to go after you, telling kristen to heat up a plate of food and join the rest of their friends. kristen understood, and walked to the kitchen to grab a plate. phil quietly yet swiftly made his way upstairs.

—

you heard the stairs being climbed from the other side of the walls, widening your eyes and making you panic. the blade you were holding was stained with a mix of old and fresh blood. the tiny drops of dark-red liquid splashed on your leg once again. in a panic you threw the razor to the corner of the room and wiped the blood of your body hastily. you pulled your sleeves over your hands and hid them from sight, hoping the new cuts wouldn't bleed through the fabric.

"(y/n)?"

phil knocked on the door to your room. you wipe your face entirely, trying to physically get rid of your anxious expression and answered phil's call.

"come in!"

you sounded grossly happy, making you cringe internally. you trapped your hands between your legs while feeling the mattress sinking next to you.

"you okay? you didn't eat much earlier."

phil wasn't stupid; he knew you weren't. he wanted to see if you would confess to him on your own terms.

"oh, yeah. i'm okay, just didn't feel too hungry, heh."

the small laugh you exuded only worsened phil's concerns.

"(y/n), i'm not sure i believe you. you can trust me."

your panic grew by the second, not wanting to worry phil, yet desperately wanting to tell him. you didn't have the words for it and your brain is not going to bother finding them - it was too busy trying not to cry.

"phil, i promise i'm alright. i just wasn't hungry and i'm worn out from the things we did."

phil exhaled through his nose. what the hell was he going to ask you now?

you bit your lip harshly, trying to focus on the pang of hurt coursing through your mouth rather than your head.

"listen, (y/n). i know you better than this. you can tell me what's wrong-"

before he could properly finish his sentence you stood up. you screwed your eyes shut and yelled at him.

"I SAID I'M FINE, PHIL!"

phil was taken aback by the sudden and intense hostility you showed.

"i'm...i-i.."

you slowly came to a realisation as to what happened. your lips sputtered unintelligible words and your eyes spilled out tears. phil quickly came to his senses and stood up as well. his arms wrapped around your upper arms and shoulders, his head resting on top of yours.

"it's okay, (y/n). i'm not mad, i promise."

you didn't respond. you only sobbed louder and pushed your face into his chest, finding safety in his secure embrace. you stood like this for a bit, calming down over time until the sobs from earlier were nothing more than hiccups.

"are you okay to talk about it now?"

phil eventually spoke up. you nod slowly, pulling away from the hug and letting yourself fall onto the bed you sat on a while ago, phil following your lead.

"what's wrong, kid?"

you let out a shaky breath and let go of the sleeve you were holding onto tightly during the conversation. you grabbed the end of your sleeve and tried to pull it up, but to no avail.

you couldn't. you couldn't show him yourself.

you whined softly, trying to think of a solution. phil rested his hand on your thigh as a way of non-verbal support, giving you an idea. you dropped your arm onto phil's hand, him instantly understanding what you meant and grabbing your arm gingerly. he placed it on his lap and carefully peeled off the sleeve.

"oh, (y/n)."

it was a sight to behold; a bloodied arm with messy cuts, a few still dribbling slightly, most of your skin covered in the half-dried crimson fluid.

refusing to look at phil, you stared at the wall on the other side of the room. you could feel his eyes staring daggers at it, your face heating up in shame and vulnerability.

"i'm so sorry, (y/n)."

you felt your sleeve being pulled over your arm again and you were pulled into another embrace. this time the hug felt sympathetic, like it was apologizing to you for everything you've ever been through, saying sorry for the fact you had to do this as a way to live with yourself.

if you had anything left, you could've cried for hours. but your tears ran out a while ago, so you stayed quiet, with the exception of a few whimpers and sighs.

"thank you for telling me."

phil broke the silence again, a small smile appearing on your tear-stained face.

"but- we should really clean up that arm. you don't want that to get infected."

he said with a hint of a chuckle. it was kind of nice hearing him be a little humorous in such a depressing scene.

"yeah, maybe we should."

you responded with the same tone. he grabbed your hand and lead you to the nearest bathroom. he fetched the softest towel he could find and dampened it with lukewarm water. he then turned his attention to you; he dabbed the still open cuts first and cleaning up the freshest blood. then he moved onto the dried blood around it, wiping it carefully, minding the sensitive wounds.

"stay here, i'll get the first-aid kit from the other bathroom."

phil said, before disappearing into the hall outside. you stood on the cold tiles for a few moments, pondering how you even managed to muster the strength to tell anyone. you were glad you did, though.

"i'm back!"

the familiar voice rang through the reverberating room and into your ears, making you turn your head in the door's direction. the smile grew slightly when phil's face entered your vision.

"arm, please."

you did as he asked and handed your arm to him. he took a cream-coloured bandage out of the small bag and gently yet firmly wraps your injured arm.

"thank you, phil."

your smile was persisting while looking at the bandaged arm. phil packed up the first-aid kit and grinned himself.

"you're welcome, kid. now, let's get some clean clothes and a plate of warm food."

—

"PHILZA!"

tommy yelled from the couch he sat on. the rest of the group quickly turned around to greet their friends.

"hi, mate. what are we watching?"

wilbur waved over to you and signaled to come sit next to him. you happily obliged and sat down with a plate in hand. the couch was just big enough to seat 3 people, you, tommy and wilbur occupying said seats. kristen sat on the chair on the left, while tubbo sat on a pillow on the floor with his hand in a bag of crisps.

"no idea, we were just going to choose something."

wilbur answered for him, earning him a smack on the knee from the blonde. phil laughed while lowering himself into a chair on the right side of the couch.

"he asked me, you prick."

"well, you were just too slow."

the two boys bickered back and forth a bit until tubbo spoke up.

"why don't we let (y/n) decide?"

both wilbur and tommy seemed satisfied with that resolution, nodding their heads and verbally agreeing.

"uhm, how about ___."

kristen immediately agreed, so did phil and tubbo. tommy was still a bit bitter about not being the one to choose, but didn't object, the same for wilbur.

"alright, it has been decided!"

—

the movie was quite long, but enjoyable. your dinner was finished and the plate stood on the coffee table, next to an empty glass and a half-eaten bag of crisps.

your head rested on wilbur's shoulder, a fluffy blanket draped over you along with one of his arms. your eyelids were heavy, the light emitting from the tv becoming more distant every second.

a final consious breath escaped your lungs and you finally fell asleep.

the comfort this household has brought you is something you couldn't find anywhere else - you were truly home.

——♤——

thank you for reading, please be nice

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