#well FUCK YOU TOO

[astr0star5]

so he not gonna deny the 'bitch' part?

[vogelmeister]

Eurovision 2024: my experience as a fan

One thing about me is that I love Eurovision. I have all the winners plastered on my door at home, I can beat anyone and everyone at European geography. Each year for a week in May, I am people’s go to for anything and everything Eurovision, from explaining the big five to promoting my favourite songs. I willingly get up at 5am to tune in live, I have written two academic essays on Eurovision, and both essays have a sense of passion running through them where you can tell I love the topic- may or may not have been called out once on that. I knew so much about the topic that neither essay required much research. When I lived in the Netherlands, I attended Het Grote Songfestivalfeest, probably killing my seat neighbours with my singing and poorly articulated Dutch when De Diepte came on. As well as that, my friends and I took a trip to Rotterdam and visited where the contest was held in 2021. Having me, an Australian, alongside a Dutch person and a Greek, exploring Rotterdam highlighted to me exactly what Eurovision should be about. Unity. 

Being in a room of Eurofans gave me joy that is unexplainable. I just remember realising, ‘hey I found my people’

However, I always knew ESC 2024 was going to be a hard watch for me, even before the boycotts begun. About a year ago I went through a massive friendship breakup with one of my closest Eurovision friends, and their villianisation of me meant that watching with them wasnt an option. I didn’t want to watch alone. That’s all I will say on that. I had a year to deal with that, anyway, and even when people were boycotting the event after October 7th, I thought, theres actually no way that Israel is actually competing this year. They surely will send something too political and get dq'd, right? Most of the knowledge I have of Palestine and Israel comes from my year 12 modern history class, which as my friend and I discussed today, was taught neutrally- and it’s not in Israel’s favour. I was there when Hatari spoke out in 2019 and did the banners, and I remember the shock and understanding what a big deal this was.

I toyed with the idea of boycotting myself. I had my reasons. I auditioned for a play, which didnt work out for me, as I was too distracted by Eurovision week to care. I was less invested in Eurovision as a whole, and I would get sleep. But in the end, I decided not to. My friend (who found out I liked Eurovision after I bitched about my ex friends not enjoying that I had other interests asides from Taylor Swift) was already coming around to watch.  I decided my mental health came first, before boycotting and before being an activist. If I could save this one piece of my mental health, I would be fine. Stupid delusional me, well she had hope. I wanted to support Joost, and the other artists who were stuck in this shitshow of a year. I staunchly boycotted Isreal’s song, I have only heard it in full once, and that was against my will. I even blocked her on Spotify. 

I looked at it all positively- this all meant I was going in more blind than ever. I bought my 2024 CD, but I also broke a lot of traditions- I didnt do my predictions like I do every year on my whiteboard, I didnt film the first semi qualifications with the caption ‘im in spain’ and put it on my story, and I hardly watched the NFs. I liked Eurovision, but this year, with all going on, I felt guilty and ashamed. I have been ashamed of being a eurofan before, but not on this level. I felt like I was trapped in a glass box, kicking and screaming at the ebu but they had airpods in. The answer was so obvious. Ban Isreal, like you did with Russia. People were harassing artists for competing, especially Olly, who I realised had no choice in the matter anyways. I ended up thinking “just get through the week, soon it will be over, and you’ll have fun with your friend.” I have never wanted Eurovision week over in my life. I just wasnt excited.  Europapa basically became my ride or die, built upon my love for the Netherlands, and the genuine good vibes of the song. Joost was charismatic, and the song had a nice story. Another one of my friends, who realised I was eurofan after I posted a video on my story where you could see my Dowue Bob poster (I have my reasons for keeping it), found a watch party and it was free. She had her drivers license so she could get us there, and my other friend and I agreed. It would be fun, I would bring my Dutch flag and my orange beanie and wear my Sam Ryder shirt. 

The first semi happened. My friend came over, we slept on the couch. I enjoyed myself, the qualifiers werent shocking though and I guessed 9/10 of them. It was pretty mid, but it was fun. The only issue was Poland being robbed and the Australian commentary on SBS being dicks to Portugal, which they backtracked in the final. It was insufferable, but the worst was yet to come.  

The second semi. I was so excited to see Joost perform and bonded with my Dutch coworker over him and his song, which honestly was beautiful. If she didnt know how much I love the Netherlands before, she does now. I did notice that when Israel qualified, all the sickness in my stomach just exited the room, as the worst that could happen, happened. But sadly, I knew it would happen. Seeing the videos, however, of Palestine protesters and the booing and shouting, despite attempts to silence us, was beautiful. It showed exactly where the fandom stood, what we thought. And my mum was even happy about Israel being treated like bullshit. 

And then shit started to go down. 

The second semi press conference. The kaarija video. Joost being followed around for propaganda content by Israel. Joost’s “why not” and throwing the Dutch flag over his head.  Marina falling asleep (queen). Bambi being dehumanised by Israel’s delegation and asshole of a commentator. Zionists kept making excuses and I got a few threats on TikTok of all places for supporting a bully manchild. Well, fuck you, at least I am not suporting genocide. It was a mess. My friend asked me for my opinions on the qualification while at work and i basically told her I didn’t want to talk about it. I looked so sad on break my coworker offered me a banana. 

“Treat Eden Golan as human! She’s only 20” I wondered, how could I? How could I treat someone as human when they were basically a puppet, a face for a genocidal nation. How could I do that when that same genocidal nation was tearing apart the one thing I loved?  Her delegation certainly didn’t treat Joost Klein as human; certainly just as another tool they could use to promote their propaganda machine. I felt sick. He wasn’t the only one. I was so proud of Joost, and I will always be proud of him, I think. What he did during the press conference after semi 2 took guts.  Normally I would be pissed at a delegation getting mistreated like this, but not today. As far as I was concerned, this was good riddance. Get the fuck out, you’re not wanted here. 

On Saturday, I started to realise I had this heavy feeling in my chest and it wasn’t leaving. I felt on edge, and yet I was a world away in Australia. I listened to “I can do it with a broken heart” fifty times on my way to work that day, confident that maybe I could power through this matinee shift without cracking. My favourite thing in the whole world was falling apart before my eyes, and it was easily avoided. I felt sick at work, there were points when I was thinking “I can’t do this.” But I could. I would. I would get through this shift. I messaged one of my friends in NL asking her how she was and she said she also wasnt having a good time, to which I confessed not wanting to get out of bed that morning because I was so sick with discomfort. 

People were continually asking my thoughts, if I enjoyed the shows, the memes were sent and I had to put on a brave face because crying over a song contest is stupid and im a coward and hate being an outspoken activist.

The final straw for me was Joost Klein getting disqualified. This would have been a devastating blow for me no matter which nation it was, but it being the Netherlands, the one country I love more than anything else, the one song that was basically my ride or die in this shitshow of a year: well it felt personal. It showed the double standards of the EBU- how could an incident, hardly worth a fine, get Joost kicked out of ESC when Israel waltzed in with a smugass grin and a kill count. If it was about Joost's parents, I hope he hit them hard. the misleading information, the lack of transparency, and AVROTROS's discomfort over the whole ordeal was the cherry on the cake and really, actually showed me in full colour who the EBU were and that they didn't give two shits, bending the rules for Eden and using everyone else as scapegoats. That Joost, or any of the other artists were not allowed to have boundaries. Instantly I messaged my friend,  and went “I am not fucking going to this watch party.” She agreed with me, the vibes would be off and probably zionist. My other friend, who was staying the night, was still keen to watch ESC. Instead of going to the livestream in Hurstville, we all  came to mine at 5am and we elected to watch together.  To finish what we started. As my friend said, “it could be the last one.” 

I saw myself witnessing the death of Eurovision.  All because someone wouldnt fucking kick out a country. When I woke up in the morning, I saw that Bambi had posted a statement saying they had issues with Israel and the delegation, and even the EBU fully admitted that Israel had broken rules. Yet where was the punishment?

I will confess the 5am start time hurt more this time around. Normally I would be bounding down the stairs, box of chips in hand, and excited to see the memes. Today, it just hurt. Dancing around to Europapa didn’t hide the emptiness in my soul about the disqualification, about the double standards enacted by the EBU this year.  The interval acts were mid. Petra talking about the rules, saying shit like “it’s apolitical” stung with irony I had never felt before. I put on a brave face and I had as much fun as I could but in reality, I was sad and angry. Wishing I had gotten into that play. That I had the guts to boycott and explain to people why. That Joost wasnt disqualified for shit Eden Golan would have gotten away with. 

After the show, I felt empty. Switzerland won, and congrats to them obviously, I like The Code. But after the shitshow of this week, all I felt was free and relieved. Israel still came top 5 and it confirmed what was sickeningly true. People still support Israel. People were still pulling the “Croatia robbed” game, unaware how tone deaf that feels in the current circumstances. It didn’t matter who won, as long as it wasn’t Israel, but it never felt like Israel lost. All I wanted to do was cry. My friend was showing me Eurovision memes probably unaware that I had been through the worst Eurovision of my life, and just wanted to cry and be left alone. No hate to her obviously but I was fucking trying to hold it together all morning, but I couldn't express my emotions on the matter. I hope AVROTROS sue the shit out of the EBU. I hope Joost gets a hero’s welcome home in the Netherlands. I hope past artists speak out. I hope Isreal gets banned. 

I will be celebrating the small wins this year. I will be streaming the artists that stood up to the ebu, streaming the ones that spoke out, and of course, continuing to support Joost Klein. I will never forget watching Ukraine sail past Israel in the televote, a win of itself. I am thankful to those in the arena that spoke out against the EBU and booed both Israel and Osterdahl.  To those who smuggled in flags, to those who refused to be silent. I will get over this, I will, but seeing the outcome of this week leaves little joy. I hope this isnt the end of Eurovision, but wherever we go now, I think a part of me did die this week.

[iamyounicorn]

Why are ants so aggressive. I'm just sitting here enjoying my soup and these fucking things crawl me, get mad at THEIR decision, and bite me about it????? Fuck off I didn't even do anything

[kissingarthurclaus]

y'know generally my life is pretty dang good but I'll tell you what's not fucking good. bureaucracy.

[hunting-songs]

How Does Your Story End? Your Result: in flames. your luck was always going to run out, fire-bringer. surely you knew that, didn't you? it was always going to end like this: surrounded by the ashes of what passed for a home in your whirlwind world. you were lonely, and then you weren't, but it didn't matter. like icarus before you, it was the reckless hubris of the "untouchable" that snuffed you out. yours is a cautionary tale. mothers will tell their children of you when they stray too close to open flame. your mistake is singular, never to be repeated. cold comfort, i'm sure. "The Sonata of Darkness effect by killing the one playing it is devasting as much as most of those listening to it and dying is devasting. But the actual curse is that it does not end with the player and the listeners dying. That is horrible, but when everyone dying around that sheet of the Sonata, then the curse is ended and with luck the Sonata of Darkness is forgotten and thats about it. Maybe the componist even has luck and every sheet of the sonata is played on different times and different places by different people with a big audience and the horror following is worth a fairytale that lasts a few hundred years, but eventually that would be it. And that was not what the componist wanted, beeing forgotten that is. So everytime the Sonata of Darkness is played someone survives, most of the time the person who is talented enough to be actually able to play it and this person carries it out into the world and when they eventually- not if, but eventually- snap and give in to play this beautiful music to be that master that they are so ambitious to be than they put this curse on someone else who again carries this curse farer. Which meant that Ask, who had been teached the Sonata, had himself been already cursed wIthout beeing physically changed like Senritsu, the second he was teached the Sonata for at some point he would play it. He never had a chance and walked into that trap willingly."

Tagged By: A little Wildbirdie! Tagging: @rake-rake @skarletchains @bewitchingbaker @nephytale @gyofukuki @jxgi @uzumakiuser @kiigan @distortedkilling @yeonban @swxpped @zealctry @curseisms @muddsludge @saiakv ....AND YOU!

[haikuku]

Haikuku, no. 388

He said, "You look like A lesbian." Not "Hello." Not "How was your trip?" ....

--haikuku

[haiki4you]

25th July, 2023

Why are you crusty,

So rude, and shitty? Maybe

You need to get laid.

[didiwaffles]

Having ADHD is getting migraines because you didn't do your hyperfixation

[secretivemessenger]

Oh 🧍‍♂️

[gengarghast]

guh

petplay? oh you mean that kink for burnt-out neurodivergent people with abandonment issues who need simple easy directions and assurance that the person giving them will still be there at the end of the night. yeah i got you i know what you're talking about

[oracleoutlook]

*Trying to knock something off the to do list. Starts researching Alderian Psychology*

I was trying to close tabs, not open more!

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave

[weirdocat83]

I can’t tell if this is referencing the golden core transfer or when he got branded for Mianmian in the Xuanwu cave but either way I’m sad >:/ I hope you’re happy OP. Also that art is beautiful and I wish I could draw that good! *pouts in corner*

an unchanged heart, even in the end

[bingobongobonko]

are you fucking for real

[wildnya]

three SSR’s

and not a single limited one

[brainrotcharacters]

the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.