#weird freak is weird and freaky again! oh well

[dubacheryking]

hi beautiful people does someone want to be my valentine<3

[transformers-spike]

"Cybertronians reacting to getting kissed", in which kissing is not something cybertronians do as an act of affection, so they're completely new to the human concept of kissing to express romantic love. Talk me one Knock Out who is so versed in wooing but doesn't know two shits about human kissing, and finding himself kissed for the first time. Or Starscream who's gonna freak out. Or Megatron who doesn't even know why you're smashing your intake against his

This is such a good question, anon, I've been rotating it in my head for a while now

Knock Out is well-versed in the drag and frag technique. He’s probably one of the youngest members on the Nemesis, still old as balls by our standards, but some rebellious youngin’ by theirs. He’s all about sliding in with a smooth pickup line and buttering you up until he reaches the “let’s get down to business” level, where he starts flashing his biolights in a “come hither and frag me” display. When it comes to human kissing, he’s… improvising to say the least. He’s seen humans make out in a wide variety of drive-through horror movies (many with questionable acting), and while he doesn’t “get” why we do it, he does his best to lean into the act and find what makes it so pleasurable by our standards. When you do kiss him for the first time, he’s already been hyping himself up for months, and whatever smoothness he tries to apply immediately disintegrates because oh fuck, your lips are so small and he has so much to give. He’s absolutely suffering despite the confident front he’s putting up. After fumbling the bag, he’ll ask you how he did. “Mid,” you’re tempted to say. But the hopefulness behind those smug optics stops you in your tracks. Starscream must have had a very confusing interface life even by Cybertronian standards. But there’s no way he didn’t get frisky back when he was Air Commander of Vos, even if the workload was immense. Although that’s probably the most action he got in his entire life, and even then the closest equivalent to “kissing” by their standards is merging EM fields and hoping for the best, a careful manipulation of wavelengths to fall into perfect sync. We humans do not possess a hyper-developed EM field, which is enraging for Starscream because what do you mean you smash intakes??? Mass-displaced or not, the only fluids he accepts in his intake are energon and transfluid, thank you very much. Kissing is a bad idea, and you’ve learned it the hard way, so good job! Now you have to deal with his drama queen ass acting like you just spit in his mouth. Worst thing is, he is interested in trying it again, but with his stipulations (aka watching him fail to figure out how to kiss you). He doesn’t even fail in a funny way, he’s so bad it’s concerning, you’re half tempted to contact Knock Out and blackmail him into sending you Starscream’s medical file.

Megatron was… surprisingly abstinent back on Cybertron. Yes, he’s been around for a long time. Yes, he used to be a gladiator at some point. And yes, it had its perks, but he was always more of a “sensitive spark” than a typical casanova. He had more important things to focus on at the time (mainly surviving the pits of Kaon and, before that, not offlining in a freak mining accident). Honestly, who knows what he did as a politician, whatever freakiness he had going on while trying to depose the government is none of our business and I am totally not typing this with a fusion cannon to my head.

He’s been through so much; fought countless beasts and fellow gladiators, avoided assassination attempts and blood-thirsty mutinies while leading a millennia-long war. Nothing can surprise him anymore. Yes, you’re a weird little freak for smashing intakes with him, but you need not fear for your safety. He’s… intrigued by your display of affection. You can mumble excuses all you want, but you’ve smashed intakes with him and it can’t be undone. Watch out for those sharp teeth and prepare a tetanus shot just in case. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions whether you like it or not, especially when he’s got a claw under your shirt and another down your pants. Your lips are bleeding and you pray it’s an accident, if he gets a taste for human blood you’re done for.

[im-sleepdeprived]

Your page says requests are open, so I'm sorry if I missed something 🙏🏻 Could you possibly do Peter Parker (preferably TASM) and friend reader who has a pet jumping spider that she named after him (bc she's crushing bad)? I think it would be funny if she didn't know he was Spider-man. ❤️

this is actually the cutest thing ever i loved writing this😭 hope you enjoy the little blurb !! no warnings just tooth rotting fluff and some deep, deep pining !!

“Look!” You exclaimed, holding up a see-through container filled with dirt, grass, and twigs, housing your newly acquired pet.

Peter leaned down to peer into it. “He’s adorable.”

You beamed. “I know right!” You’d always had a fascination for critters, but especially arachnids. Hence the tiny jumping spider in your hands right now. Peter found it precious when you rambled on about your love for spiders, not knowing that your very best friend (and long time admirer) was, in part, one. He always felt a little special. 

He knew it was stupid, you were never talking about him. Hell, you had no clue he was Spider-Man. But still. Usually everyone was freaked out about spiders, people hated them, even him (before the bite) and yet you managed to see the beauty in them. What other people found gross and freaky you found intriguing. 

You’d been over the moon this past week since you found out there were jumping spiders finally available  (he never would’ve guessed it, but apparently they were popular pets) at your local reptile store, (you were also adamant about not getting one from a big chain store). 

“I named him after you,” you admitted a little bashfully.

“Oh?” Peter could feel his heart speed up. Maybe his secret wasn’t as well protected as he thought it was. 

“His eyes, see?” You moved the container closer to him and placed your index finger on it, tapping gently. “He’s got those two big ones in the front and these ones on the side.” More tapping from your finger. “He reminded me of you when you wear glasses,” you giggled sweetly.

Peter felt his heart soar. “Yeah?” He smiled wide. “Well I’ve gotta say I’m honored, I know how long you’ve wanted one.”

“Yeah,” you beamed. You always appreciated that Peter let you ramble on about your favorite things, no matter how weird they were. You knew it was an unconventional interest, and yet he never made you feel different or odd they were. It only made you fall that much more in love with him. 

“Did you know that the males perform special dances for the females to get them to mate with them?”

You side-eyed Peter, impressed with his knowledge. Usually you were the one hitting him with random facts. “No, actually, I didn’t know that. Could you imagine if humans did that?” You laughed.

“Well isn’t that whats going online these days? With all those dance trends and ‘thirst traps’.” He made quotation marks with his fingers on that last part, making you laugh again.

“I wonder if Spider-Man does that,” you pondered. 

“What do you mean?” Peter’s brows furrowed. 

“I mean, isn’t he part spider or something? That’s how he can climb walls and stuff, right? And isn’t it why his name is literally Spider-Man. I just wonder how many spider traits he actually possesses.”

“Not the webs, the webs are artificial.” He answered you simply, eyes going wide when he noted the curious look you gave him. “Oh! I mean—I think I heard it—READ IT! Yeah,” he cleared his throat, “I read it somewhere.” Everyday it was getting harder and harder to keep this secret from you. 

“Okay weirdo,” you chuckled. “It was between you and him.” You said suddenly.

“Me and who?” Peter asked. 

“You and Spider-Man,” you said as if it made all the sense in the world. You tapped the small box in your hands again. “I almost named little Petey here Spider-Man cause I thought it was cute.”

Peter crossed his arms and smirked at you. “Really?” He thought it was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard. If you weren’t careful, he was going to pull out his suit right now and tell you everything. Well, either that or kiss the living daylights out of you. He reallyyy wanted that last one to happen. “And why didn’t you?”

“Well Spider-Man great and all, don’t get me wrong, saving the city and all,” you made a gesture with your hands, “but you’re my best friend Pete. Of course I’d pick you.”

Peter stood shocked. Honestly, he didn’t deserve you and all your kindness. Everyone loved Spider-Man, no one really cared about Peter. No one but you apparently.

“Now,” you grinned wickedly, “wanna take Peter 2.0 out the box and see how far he can jump?”

He scoffed, “Can’t believe you even have to ask sweetheart.”

“Great,” you handed him the container,” you go first. I wanna get a picture of you and your name twin!”

Peter laughed sweetly and looked down at his ‘name twin’ lounging leisurely on his little twig. Slowly, Peter lifted the lid and placed his finger beside Peter 2.0, allowing the spider, about the size of his fingernail, to crawl onto the tip of his finger. 

He slowly lifted his wrist out the box and looked over to where you stood, camera in hand, grinning wide. “I took your camera, hope that’s okay.” You said sweetly. 

“Yeah, it fine.” he wanted to tell you you could anything of his you wanted.

“Cool,” you held the camera up and positioned the viewfinder so it was in front of your eye. “Okay…Smile in 1…2…” you squealed. 

Peter hadn’t noticed, too busy ogling at you and how beautiful you looked using his camera like that, but your jumping spider had, well….jumped. 

“Peter!” You yelled. 

“Me or him?”

You burst into giggles, Peter (human) following suit. 

[hibiscusseaart]

random hc that struck me in my head while i was showering. uh it's kinda weird one i think but i keep thinking about more animalistic Hatakes and can't help myself

btw Itama lives AU i love my dude how can i leave him out

so little context: when i was little my mom did some prayer where she whispered it and then licked me from nose to forehead a few times. listen idk what was that but i remembered it i had some ideas

so what if Hatake momma did the same thing with Senju brothers? So imagine Hashirama and Itama understanding that it was some sort of Hatake ritual and kinda moving on. Weird but all rituals are kinda weird.

But Tobirama, our dear autistic Tobirama thought about it like some sort of forehead kisses before bed and never grew out of it. Maybe he was a little bit too attached to this form of touch bc it soothed his headaches from sensing and poor eyesight when he was little

Itama, who I hc also being autistic, but a little bit more interested in masking, was a little more aware that no one actually licked anyone as a form of love outside of sexy time. But never actually told Tobirama bc he thought he knew. Hashirama also never mentioned it.

Tobirama fucking grew up thinking that licking his loved ones is an okay thing to do and a form of ultimate love or smth. He doesn't do that himself, he usually accepts hugs or kisses or any other form of love from his brothers, but never initiates. And he's kinda hurt that no one of his brothers do this anymore (i think they play licked and bite each other when they were little quite a lot).

Anyway all my thoughts are going to Madatobi so, when they get together, Tobirama will try to lick Madara sometimes in place of kissing, bc sometimes he's so overwhelmed with feelings, that kissing isn't enough. Madara takes us as a joke and sexy play at first and it will hurt Tobirama a bit, but I think he's got used for this kinds of rejection for now.

But then Madara would notice that oh, Tobirama takes these little licks seriously. Tobirama is always weird and stiff about sex if it's happening bc Tobirama started being all weird and licked his face, again.

Madara slowly catches on, bc Tobirama never fucking talks about anything that bothers him, but Madara IS a genius too thank you very much. He learns that for Tobirama it's a big deal and he wants to receive these licks too. And not in a sexy way, like it's not enough for licking neck or other parts of his body, no it's supposed to be on his face, preferably the forehead (even tho Madara thinks it's gross, the cold saliva all over the face ESPECIALLY on forehead is disgusting actually, i remember getting so annoyed that my mom did that). But oh well what can you do with love.

So Madara tries to make Tobirama happy with licking him from time to time (even tho he has to go on his tippy toes to reach his forehead). Maybe even in public. They already have reputation of having a freaky relationships, how much worse can it go?

Eventually Tobirama learns that licking face is not actually normal from Izuna, who was freaked out big time when he saw this display for the first time.

Tobirama was miserable that he was the freak the whole time and was getting upset over nothing, Madara is angry bc Izuna upset Tobirama and Izuna is just fucking traumatised.

ok i'm ending my ramble here. it's kinda weird but i had to get it out of my chest

[faetima]

𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞. .

. . one day you receive an odd text from an unknown number. you try blocking the number, but it doesn’t work.

oh well, it’s probably just someone pranking you.

right?

// tws ; lil bit of cursing, stalking ; gn reader ; modern au, yandere au

a/n: sorry for the weird formatting!! tumblr wouldn't let me format it correctly :(

also sorry for the random bigger text, it keeps changing random letters and numbers to be bigger for some reason??

𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧.

aconties — symbolize hatred and that you should be cautious.

aconite - veil

always forever - cults

jealous girl - lana del rey

suki suki daisuki - jun togawa

yes or yes - twice

saccharine - jazmin bean

stalker’s tango - autoheart

an unhealthy obsession - tbrso

candy coated suicide - night club

i wanna be your boyfriend - hot freaks

i’m a slave 4 u - jazmin bean

the red means i love you - madds buckley

body - mother mother

red lights - bang chan, hyunjin

playlist <3

𝟭.‎‎‎‎‎

‎‎‎unknown number has started a chat !

18:12 december 12th, 2024

unknown number

hello, my aconite. :)

you

hi

who is this?

unknown number

oh, dont worry about that.

youll know very soon, my beloved aconite. <3

read 18:20

you have blocked unknown number !

…

your block was unsuccessful ! please try again later .

��.

‎‎‎unknown number has started a chat !

13:27 december 13th, 2024

unknown number

hello, my aconite!

how was your day today?

sent 13:27

unknown number

hello?

sent 16:43

unknown number

please reply. i know youre online, aconite.

you

please stop

who is this??

unknown number

i told you before !

haha, my aconite is so silly. never remembers anything.

like your math homework yesterday, hm? completely forgot to do it!

so cute.<3

read 17:38

you have blocked unknown number !

…

your block was unsuccessful ! please try again later .

𝟯.

‎‎‎unknown number has started a chat !

12:12 december 14th, 2024

unknown number

who is that boy?

you

?

unknown number

the one sitting across from you.

he keeps looking at you.

he keeps touching you. its pissing me off.

who is he?

you

he’s my friend

unknown number

sure.

well see how long that lasts. :)

read 12:48

--

you looked up from your phone, glancing towards bennett, and then around the small cafeteria which was packed with people, a shiver running down your spine.

whoever was texting you was here, and they were watching you.

𝟰.

‎‎‎unknown number has started a chat !

12:58 december 17th, 2024

unknown number

my beloved aconite, arent you supposed to be in class rigjt now?

right ***

ignore that.

and, most importantly, arent you supposed to be paying attention?

come on darling, on your phone in the one class i so happen to be in?

you can do this in chemistry or something. dont do it just when i so happen to be near you. i know for a fact you dont do this in any other class.

anyways, see you later ❤️❤️

read 13:02

𝟱.

you have started a chat !

09:27 december 18th, 2024

you

BENNETT

HELP KE

NE

ME

benny

Huh? Wht happened? R u ok?

you

NO

THERE’S THIS GHY

OR GIRL I DON’T KNOW

AND I THINK HE’S STALKING ME OR SOMETHING

benny

Huh?? Wdym?

you

LIKE

OKAY I DON’T KNOW IF HE’S STALKING ME

BUT HE’S GIVING ME REALLY FREAKY VIBES

HE KEEPS TEXTING ME

AND HE SAW ME TALKING TO YOU

AND THEN HE ASKED ABT THAT

AND HE WAS LIKE “HE WON’T BE YOUR FRIEND FOR LONG 🙂”

AND AND AND

APPARENTLY HE’S IN MY MATH CLASS???

AND HE SAW ME ON MY PHONE

JND TEHN HE TEXTED ME AND SCOLED ME

HELP WHAT DO I DO

benny

Just block him

you

I TRIED

IT’S NOT WORKING??

benny

Well I dont think u can do anything abt it besides that

Bc u dont hv any proof that he has any malicious intent

So uhm maybe just ignore him

Maybe hes just trolling u

you

yeah

maybe

read 10:01

--

you let out a sigh, putting your phone face down and burying your face in your arms.

what could you even do at this point? you didn’t have any proof they had any bad intent, and you couldn’t block them.

this whole situation was starting to freak you out. it didn’t help that you were pretty emotional and easily scared.

maybe you should look on the positive side. hey, someone finally has a crush on you!

you swallowed hard, breathing rapidly, heart racing. you buried your face deeper in your arms, scared of what was to come from this whole situation.

𝟲.

you exhaled shakily, a small fog appearing from it. you were shivering, the outside cold pinpricking your skin like tiny needles.

choosing fashion over warmth probably hadn’t been a good idea, but who cared? you liked dressing up. it was worth sacrificing your comfort for something you enjoyed! plus you would’ve been cold either way. it would be heated enough in the classroom anyway.

at least you hoped it would be.

you walked at moderately fast pace to your school, putting in your earbuds. you scrolled down your playlist on spotify, finally finding the song you had been craving to listen to. you clicked the play button on it, refraining from humming along to it.

you found yourself repeatedly glancing behind yourself, even though each time you looked no one was there. every time there was even the slightest of rustling able to penetrate through the sound of the music you were listening to, you’d jump, paranoid.

ever since you had received the first message, you had been on edge, and for good reason. this whole situation was extremely different from what you experienced in your day to day life.

before this, you hadn’t even known of anyone liking you romantically. it wasn’t that everyone hated you or something, you were just pretty shy, which led others to socialize with and notice you less.

a lot less.

it was a bit disappointing, but at least you had a few friends.

you had been lost in your train of thought too long. as you walked forward mindlessly, you hadn’t noticed a figure also walking in front of you.

you crashed into the person and staggered a little before regaining your balance.

luckily the person didn’t fall or anything, but instead stood rigid like a stone wall.

you gasped out a few apologizes, repeatedly saying “sorry”.

but you immediately shut up when the person turned around and when electric purple eyes met your own.

you swallowed hard, freezing as the person scowled at you.

𝟳.

“watch where you’re going,” the person muttered, still scowling at you. her loosely braided hair—a shade of bright purple, similar to that of an aconite, with some lighter purple highlights within it—fell down the front of her shoulder, and she pushed it back. the motion itself was filled with pure elegance and grace.

”i- uhm, sorry,” you mumbled, your neck getting hotter as you lowered your head a little in shame.

the girl rolled her eyes.

even that was full of daintiness and fluidity.

she sighed the slightest bit, seeming to soften a little.

”it’s fine, i guess. just watch where you’re going in the future.”

she mumbled those words quickly before turning and walking away briskly, pulling out her phone and rapidly texting someone whilst walking.

the sharp clicking of her heels was the only thing heard in the crisp and cold morning air.

suddenly, your phone buzzed. you took it out, hands trembling the tiniest bit.

--

‎‎‎unknown number has started a chat !

07:54 december 19th, 2024

unknown number

where are you?

youre in class by this time.

read 07:54

unknown number

answer me.

read 08:01

unknown number

stop fucking leaving me on read.

read 08:04

you have blocked unknown number !

…

your block was successful !

𝟴.

22:39 december 20th, 2024

unknown number

youre going to regret this so, so much my pretty aconite.

im going to pick all your petals off.

one

by

one. <3

your message was not able to be sent ! you may have been blocked by the recipient . if not, please try again later . if the problem persists, please contact customer support .

𝟵.

a few days had passed since you had blocked the number.

now you sat in class, chin placed in the palm of your arm. you felt eerily drowsy, but knew it was just because of how bored you were. the teacher droned on and on about some sort of math formula. you didn’t bother listening, knowing it would only make your head hurt if you tried to understand what was going on.

you were snapped out of your sleepy daze when the teacher said something about a “group project”. she said there would be groups of three or four, and that groups would be predetermined, but you could request to be put in a group with someone else.

the person sitting in front of you passed you the slip to request to be put into a group with someone.

you passed it to the person behind you after realizing what the slip was for.

you just had to be assigned a group project in the class you had no friends in. it could’ve been in literally any other class, but no, instead it was in the class where you barley knew anyone.

you didn’t put anyone on the slip because you barley knew anyone in the class, and the people you knew probably were already going to put someone else on the paper.

you put your head down in your arms, closing your eyes, listening to the erratic chatter around you.

what you didn’t notice was that, on the slip, someone had already put your name down alongside theirs.

𝟭𝟬.

you sighed softly, finally done with school for the day. you opened the door to your house, and were hit by the strong and unmistakable aroma of your favorite meal. 

you stepped into your house, closing the door quietly and setting your backpack down. you greeted your mom, who greeted you back. she stood in the kitchen, cooking your favorite meal.

”can you go to the store for me? i need salt for this, but we ran out,” your mom stated, gesturing towards what she was cooking.

you nodded silently, turning to leave. you opened the door, closed it, and started walking to the store.

--

upon entering, you couldn’t help but notice how empty it was. usually there were at least a few other people, but right now you could only spot around four.

you walked around the store but, even after ten minutes of sauntering around, couldn’t find the salt for some reason. maybe you were going blind or something.

you decided to ask an employee, timidly walking up to one and tapping him on the shoulder.

he turned around, bright purple eyes meeting your own. a scowl, which didn’t quite seem to fit him, adorned his pretty face. his hair was a dull shade of purple, and light wispy bangs fell on his forehead. his skin was extremely clear and pale like porcelain, and looked as if it could shatter any second. the resemblance to a doll he bore was uncanny.

”what?” he snapped, glaring at you through his bangs.

”uhm, sorry to bother you, but, uh, do you.. do you know where the salt is?” you asked, fidgeting a little with your fingers.

he let out a long, deep sigh.

”yes. follow me,” he muttered, already walking towards the isle.

you followed in suit.

𝟭𝟭.

tentatively, you looked up from your hands to see who was in your group.

the first person you laid your eyes upon was a girl with light blue hair tied into an elegant and sleek ponytail with a black ribbon with golden streaks. she had a small beauty mark under one of her eyes, which were a pale shade of blue, matching her hair.

sitting beside her was a guy who was a bit taller than her. he had green eyes and messy honey-yellow hair that was tied into a ponytail with a scarlet red ribbon.

you moved your gaze to the last person.

he seemed oddly familiar, like you had seen him somewhere before. you couldn’t quite remember where though, maybe at park or store?

he had feathery bangs which fell down his forehead in a almost perfect matter. his hair itself seemed to be styled in a jellyfish cut of sorts, and was a dim shade of lavender. his eyes matched the color of his hair, and were narrowed to form a scowl on his pretty face. his skin was eerily pale, almost like porcelain.

the boy who you were just looking at let out what seemed to be an annoyed sigh, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes at something.

the blonde boy spoke up first.

”so, uhm.. hi. i’m thoma.”

following in suit, you all said your names after him.

thoma spoke again.

”do you guys have a phone number or something we can use to contact each other with for the project? i already have ayaka’s, so i just need you boths’.” 

scaramouche shook his head.

”i don’t have access to my phone right now,” he muttered, still scowling

”oh.”

”we, uhm, we can use instagram or something to message each other?” you said, the slightest hint of nervousness lacing your voice.

”sure,” ayaka said.

scaramouche and thoma nodded in agreement.

you all wrote down your usernames on a piece of paper.

--

once you got home, you took out your phone, typing all their usernames into the search bar and following them one by one. after doing so, you added them all to a group chat.

𝟭𝟮.

you have started a chat !

18:12 december 27th, 2024

you

hi

@.lookingforthoma

Hello.

@.hidingfromayaka

🤑

@.flowers4sc4ra

hi. ig.

@.hidingfromayaka

LMAOO WHY IS UR USERNAME THAT

UR ALWAYS SO EMO BUT NOW

”FLOWERS4SC4RA”

LMOA LMOA

@.flowers4sc4ra

shut the fuck up.

you

pls stop

@.flowers4sc4ra

sorry. ig.

@.hidingfromayaka

OMFG

HE KIST

USYT

JUST

SAID SORRY

TO U

SHEJSHWJAHAAKAKWK

you

okay anyway

there’s two parts on the project

i was thinking we could split up into teams of two and then each do one part or smth?

idk man 😭😭

@.lookingforthoma

That sounds good.

@.flowers4sc4ra

ok.

@.hidingfromayaka

i call dibs on working with ayaka 😛😛

1 user disliked

𝟭𝟯.

you stood in front of his house’s door, rocking back onto your heels and then up onto your toes, nervous. you clutched the bag you were holding—of which was filled with notebooks and various school supplies.

you were anxious, waiting for scaramouche to answer the door. it had only been a minute, but to you it felt like ten.

you couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. you didn’t know why or how or when or where, just that you had a bad gut feeling.

but you shook it off, knowing you had to work on the project.

all of the sudden the door opened, slamming against the wall in a violent manner, making you flinch a little, torn out of your thoughts.

you glanced at the doorway, laying your eyes on the indigo-haired boy.

”uhm, hi,” you mumbled, swallowing nervously.

”hi,” he replied, voice and face blank; devoid of any emotion, “uh, d’you wanna come in?”

you uttered a small okay, walking inside after he shuffled a little to the side.

“we can work in the living room, i guess.”

you nodded silently, following scaramouche as he walked to the living room.

--

upon arriving, you placed your bag—which you had been clutching so hard your knuckles had turned white—down. you both sat down on the ground, and, after taking your things out, started working on the project.

scaramouche was sitting slightly behind you, doing his part of the project. once every few minutes, he would lean his head over your shoulder—face almost touching it—in order to see what progress you had made.

your heart beat much, much faster every time he did it, face getting hot.

and of course that didn’t go unnoticed by scaramouche.

--

around an hour after working on the project, you asked scaramouche where the bathroom was.

”straight, then go left,” he said. he didn’t even glance up at you as he told you where to go, just continued writing on the notebook splayed out in front of him.

you got up, walking out of the living room and straight like he said.

only problem was you didn’t quite remember if he had said to go right or left after going straight.

you decided to go right, and came across a door. assuming it was the bathroom, you opened it.

you really wished you hadn’t after you saw what was inside.

𝟭𝟰.

after you had opened the door and seen what was inside, you really wished you hadn't.

inside there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of photographs. they were plastered all over the walls, overlapping each other. they covered the ground, the walls, the ceiling, everything. the only things in the room besides that were a bed, a desk, and a computer monitor, which was lit up.

the bright screen blared at you, enticing you to come look.

the monitor displayed pictures of a house, probably running from security cameras or the like.

but it wasn't just any house, no.

it was your house.

your room.

your kitchen.

your living room.

your fucking house.

a wave of dizziness and nausea hit you. you felt sick to your stomach, leaning on the doorway for support.

then you heard something clattering behind you, falling to the floor.

you looked behind you, eyes wide.

scaramouche was standing there, frozen. he had dropped his phone to the ground, which had a photo of you working on the project opened on it.

”why the fuck are you in my room?” he burst out, almost yelling at you.

his room?

you became even more still than you were before, if that was even physically possible.

”y-you- your room?” you uttered, voice audibly shaking.

scaramouche just glared at you, hands fisted up.

then he took a step toward you.

you, in turn, stepped backwards.

the slightest rusting of paper was heard—presumably some of the photographs getting crushed underneath your feet.

he walked closer.

you backed away.

it was a vicious cycle which eventually ended when you bumped into a wall. some photographs fell down to the floor from the motion.

scaramouche cornered you in, staring at you with an unknown glint in his eyes.

it was a combination of everything you had made him fucking feel—obsession, anger, lovesickness, loathing.

he leaned in towards you, mouth almost touching your ear from how close he was. his hot breath fanned across your neck.

”well, since you’ve already seen everything, there’s no point in letting you leave now, hm? not when you’re right where i want you, my beloved aconite,” he whispered, pulling away. scaramouche grinned.

he stared at you with a mixture of emotions in his eyes, but the most prominent was limerence.

 “you’re finally all mine. my aconite.”

[starpoweredv1b]

HELLO!!! HI!!! YOU'RE ALIVE AND WELL :3!!!

This is not-freaky-anon speaking nonsensical 0 freaky stuff again :333 (I went through the horrors this week (sudden exams, my uncle literally died???, missed exams because I attended his funeral, etc etc) I think I'm well as long as I eat fish tbh) and I've come to u to give heavenly weird girl pussy ask!! (and to ask for the l&d angsty fwb ask I sent few weeks prior teehee)

So! Imagine this; you're the widely known weird girl, all nerdy and stupidly inept at socializing, staring at two old men not thirsting over them, but rejoicing upon old man yaoi (based on the 'viva el old man yaoi' pin I got :3). Your grades are average, surprisingly you survive at sincostan, you're absolutely hellish to interact with once someone mentioned the slightest hint of your interests, and you stare at men so pervertedly from behind your book it almost feels like sexual harassment and makes boys stop harassing girls because they've been through the ringer with your stares.

You're the type of girl who daydreams at the very back of the class, music blasting off of your earbuds to the point your deskmate could hear it, Mitski and beabadobee playing while you're awake and "Yummy"/"I'll do it" by Ayesha Erotica or "Government Hooker"/"Judas" by Lady Gaga playing while you're asleep.

The LLs are freaked the FUCK out. They're especially handsome in your eyes and you constantly ship them together. Lord knows if you have a smidgen of talent in drawing you would've been rich in name and in yaoi by now..

But your pussy is so, so, tight yet soft, all gummy-like and warm and it feels like melting into a puddle of oobleck and your moans are not helping and oh my fucking god he's addicted to this weird girl's pussy—

So while you're very, abhorrently strange, they can't let go of the heavenly weird girl cunt..

YES I AM!! also my condolences man please give yourself time and hydrate and eat well. love you not freaky anon 🫶

also i see this happening with Caleb and Zayne like my beloved moot @losermuse sent me this tweet about Caleb finding mc's fics about him and Zayne and how he'd be devastated LOL!! but if it's old man yaoi...the cannonically it would be Xavier and Sylus?? hm...

fujoshi cucks unite! (2)

tw. zayne x caleb, boys kissing :o, vaginal, oral, fujoshi reader

anyway, they'd literally be rearranging your guts. one from below and the other pumping down your throat. this had to be heaven! and as you're laying there watching two of the hottest men just grunting and whimpering on top of you, you'd pull away from Zayne's cock and flutter your teary lashes at them.

"could you both...maybe...uhm...kiss each other?"

you'd ask in the sweetest breathless voice, your chest heaving as Caleb continued to rock into you. you felt him stutter to a stop, panting and looking all confused. Zayne blinked, his face red as he caught his breath.

"why don't you stop talking weird, and keep your mouth here, hm? you were doing so well..."

Zayne murmurs, cock throbbing from how you were unintentionally edging him by talking and not sucking. his hands gently tugged your hair that he was holding in a fist to guide you back towards his leaky, spit slick cock. but typical you, pouting and blinking so cutely up at Caleb because you knew just when he'd tick (when he was all pussy drunk and worshipping every intake of breath that you take).

you watched as Caleb firmly pulls Zayne closer with one hanf, smashing their lips together with a soft moan. Zayne froze up, cock hardening even more from both shock and the unexpected passion of it. their tongues slid around in each other's mouth and you could've sworn you felt Caleb popping a second wind of a stiffy deep inside you. you moaned and slid Zayne's cock back into your snug throat. you watched with inceasing arousal as the two men made out sloppily on top of you, all while thrusting in sync. like you were nothing but a shared fleshlight that with maybe a bit more effort would allow their tips to touch in the soft of your stomach.

your moans and the feel of you teetering closer to the edge went almost entirely unheard as the two continued to kiss. their drool pooling at the dip of your stomach. it was the best seat ever in your opinion. you came with a muffled moan against zayne's cock, both of them stuttering and groaning into each other's mouth as they came inside.

you slowly pulled yourself away as they continued to make out, pullinh you in for a three people kiss. your fingers reach down to your sensitive clit, rubbing it yourself since the two were too busy jerking each other off. wanting to cover your pretty pussy lips with both their cum. team effort style, or however the saying goes. no complaints of course.

after all, you were living the fujoshi cuckquean dream.

[suzukiblu]

. . . anyway I met a new soulmate AU concept and I'm gonna make it the Core Four's problem, natch.

It's kind of weird and awkward when Tim's Pocket shows up, because a) Tim's Pocket is Superman, and b) Superman is dead.

So that's . . . several kinds of weird and awkward, yeah.

"B," he says first thing into the cave, trying to sound professional and reasonable and not like he's kind of freaking out a little. Or . . . more than a little, maybe. "Can we, uh . . . talk?"

"Go ahead," Bruce says, not looking away from the Batcomputer. Tim really wishes he would. It would make some things easier to explain. Like his Pocket. Specifically his Pocket would be much, much easier to explain.

"My Pocket showed up last night," Tim says. Bruce nods in acknowledgement, still not looking away from the computer. His own Pocket is sitting on his shoulder, and at least she's looking at Tim. She also looks a little gobsmacked, which is saying something for her. Cat came from Selina, after all, and is very rarely gobsmacked.

"We'll get them a mask, then," Bruce says.

"Glasses might be better," Tim says resignedly. Bruce . . . pauses. Cat tugs his ear. He turns his head, and Tim tries not to die of embarrassment as his Pocket continues to hover over his head, peering curiously at Bruce.

He's Superman, still. The costume is a little different for some reason–there's black in it and different divisions of color and weird unnecessary-seeming belts and straps and gloves–but it's still undeniably Superman, big red cape and all.

Bruce looks blankly at Tim's Pocket. Tim's Pocket grins confidently back at him.

"What the fuck, Tim," Bruce says.

Tim does not in any way whatsoever blame him for it.

.

.

.

Cassie's Pocket is Superman and she has no idea how to feel about that. Superman's dead, for one thing. And also like in his thirties, at least? If not forties. And also dead.

"Uh, Mom?" she says when she comes down for breakfast. "Something . . . happened?"

Her mom looks up with a frown. Cassie's Pocket chirps a friendly greeting.

Mom stares.

"He's too old for you," she says immediately.

"Mom!" Cassie protests, and her Pocket cackles and swoops a circle around her head. "You–stop that, you jerk! And Mom, don't embarrass me in front of my Pocket, oh my god!"

"He should be embarrassed," Mom says darkly, glaring at Cassie's Pocket. He looks mildly offended. Cassie is very offended. To be fair, she also did not expect her Pocket to turn out to be a full-grown man with incredible alien superpowers and it's kind of freaky and a little off-putting, but that's her business, not her mom's.

Also, like, well . . . he's really cute, honestly. In a very weird way that she doesn't quite know how to reconcile with an adult man, but still. He's her Pocket, so there's no way he's a creep or a predator, and he's also Superman so there's definitely no way he's a creep or a predator, but the situation is really freaking bizarre all the same.

She's never even met Superman, so him being her Pocket really doesn't make sense. Especially because he is, again, dead. That'd be a really strong soulmate bond. Like, scary strong, Cassie thinks.

Though in retrospect, expecting Superman of all people to die was maybe kind of stupid of the world at large.

.

.

.

Bart is pretty surprised when his Pocket happens. It's Superman, he thinks? Which is weird. Superman's, like, super dead. Superman's from like . . . the twenty-first century, and Bart is definitely not.

And like . . . he's also just old. Like really, really old.

Lame.

"I'm gonna call you Soup," he decides immediately, poking his Pocket's curly hair. His Pocket looks just as immediately unimpressed and folds his arms. "What, you don't like it? Seriously? Okay, what about Soupy? Soupers? Soupette? Sou–ow ow ow stop!"

Okay, he's gonna have to workshop the name a bit, he guesses.

[tvwebs]

CRIMSON SMOKE (one-shot)

Warnings: no smut, male reader, goth!reader, might be occ, can be any Deadpool media, smoking

notes;;

• he calls you 'spooky'

• no use of Y/n

• established relationship

• quite short ig

a/n: tried to do a new style

It's been a month since you and Wade became official. You like the guy, you think he's hilarious! And so far, everything is quite nice. Wade is incredibly sweet in his own way- yeah sure the 3AM texts with memes are annoying but you appreciate the thought.

Tonight you were sitting at your usual hang out place, the local cemetery, you know this looks bad but it's calming and to know that these people had hopes, dreams, a life. It's sad but..somehow it's nice to think about (somewhat cause that's just plain creepy) but of course Wade doesn't get it.

He disturbs your philosophy thinking with smoking time with his voice. "Y'know if I knew sooner that you were into these type of places I would've called you on a date for a movie night, the movie would be ghost busters." He teased as he breaks the silence, his tone was laced with affection and somewhat sarcasm. He strolls up to your signature spot and sits beside you under that tree you really like- you roll your eyes the comment he made.

You look at him to continue the sudden conversation he started. "Well, I guess it's just me that's a bit freaky huh?" Wait that came out wrong. Your expression now expressing that cringed confusion. Wade finds it funny though (someone please take internet slang away from him)

"don't worry, bae" we match each other's freak quite nicely." Somebody stop him. You cringe at that while holding your cigarette between your fingers, Wade chuckles. "You're quite weird Wade." And you respect that. Despite Wades childish, dirty minded, idiotic antics you find comfort in just being with him, talking to him. It was calming more than anything

"never thought I would've seen you right back here again Spooky." He said as he jokingly called you 'spooky' he says it's a replacement for 'pookie'

"of course I am, I thought you liked my whole goth style." You teased a bit before taking a huff on your cigarette, Wade might've just gained another bone right there and there.

He responds with "Oh I do babe, I think that it's funny that you're playing into it. Your practically an old 2010s cartoon goth!" He joked without any ill intend. 'huh, guess I am practically one huh?' you think to yourself. You think of a comeback to his comment.

"well- at least I'm not some edgy ninja oc." You said trying to act cool, not working and plus that comeback was WEAK. Wade laughs at you.

"you gotta try harder then that spooky~!" He teased. He pokes your cheek teasingly as you're embarrassed by it. You push him away, making him land on the floor.

"Ow, but how forward of you!" He said happily. "But in all seriousness babe, I find your goth aesthetic really hot. I've gotta hand it to ya, you really are committed to this goth thingy, I mean it's straight out of a tim Burton dream..but sexier." You raise your eye brow at him

"what?"

"you're hot."

You roll your eyes at him, AGAIN. He's ridiculous, an idiot even. He moves closer to you and puts his arm around you romantically. "This is such a cool concept fic.." he commented against the authors will. You look at him confused, he's always on something.

You pull out your cigarette box and get a cig. "You wanna..?" You asked patiently at Wade. He stares at you for a moment, before tugging a smirk in the corner.

"Trying to corrupt me emo prince?" Ugh you hate it when he calls you that. "Oh the shame, you are promoting smoking..don't do what they do guys." You look at him annoyed and confused.

"you could've just said, no." He chuckles at your comment. You ignore that chuckle and just start smoking a new cig, Wade just admires you, your expression, your makeup, your outfit, basically everything. You leaned your head onto his shoulder a little tired.

"tired, spooky?" He asked teasingly you respond with a 'uh-huh' causing him to smile a bit under that mask. He pulls you into his chest and he starts caressing your head "yeah..that's what happens when you're awake at 3am and go to the graveyard." He sarcastically says and you groan in annoyance and tiredness

"so where do you wanna sleep tonight? My place or your place?" He asked curiously, you just shrug as you rub your eyes.

"what's closer, I guess.." you respond.

"So my place then?" He said with a smug smirk under his stupid mask. He pulls away your cigarette, and just kisses your forehead under the mask.

[juchily]

Yellowjackets S3 Ep2 thoughts

spoilers below ⚠️

I'm laughing my fucking ass off, Mari's scared for her life screaming like an NPC and Ben is talking like a coach again... Honestly this has convinced me maybe Ben didn't set the fire (although before now I also have liked the theory other Tai did it, this just solidifies it a bit for me)

The switch from Ben yelling push to Mari and Shauna digging up her dead baby to hold him... Oh I'm crying. HE WASNT THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED TO BE TOLD TO PUSH AND NOW HES THERE TO TELL MARI! AGGH

Shauna burying her baby in a different place, rejecting the miracle and occult ideas of the wilderness the other girls have come to welcome

Misty the simp of all time

Taivan going to but "not going with them" lol they know Misty's just going to be trying to get comfy with Nat the whole time

Van's arms, that's it

Lottie's being problematic about inducing drug psychosis... Who would have guessed

Shauna actually saying something good about her family for once. Damn who knew all it took was for your kid to commit assault for you to start actually loving them

SIX WEEKS, HOW THE HELL IS LOTTIE OUT TF, I can't complain I guess

Lottie they were cruel af for calling psych on you (it's logical but coming from the YELLOWJACKETS it's just hypocritical) but those crocodile tears... The definition of grown ass puppy eyes. She sniffles!

Callie already ride and die for Lottie... Did she forget she SHOT her... Oh wait, I forgot that's literally Callie's dad obv she's ride or die 🤗

Jeff checking to make sure Lottie leaves to the porch before speaking his mind HAH

Van's got some PIPES, Taivan freaky once again everyone 👏

Walter and Misty are so simp4simp except Walter is the one person Misty won't simp for... She's digging her nose into that jacket and springing to attention AS SOON as Shauna calls... Walter can't believe this girl

wtf is up with Walter in that scene where Misty is talking to him. Dude looks like he's grieving, in depression, and scheming all at once I don't even know

Oh yeah Crystal, they didn't have a grave for her either (or mention her) on top of Laura Lee last episode (and before you talk about that theory that she doesn't exist, I'm pretty sure that's easily ruled out as not being possible)

Nat does not wanna talk to Misty... And she sure as hell is trying hard to hate Ben/look like she hates Ben... My Nat and Coach Ben friendship... I'm mourning

Callie's more afraid of Misty than Lottie (valid??) but this is hilarious she's immediately freaked out the contrast is insane

Nat sees the trap (Ben's) and tries to hide it, so obviously she doesn't actually want the girls to know/think he's alive, im wondering if she's found his traps before or not. Maybe she hasn't and that's another reason she gets super surprised

Anyways more Mistynat 😭😭😭 Nat's horrible at lying...

HOLY FUCK VAN'S ARMS 🙇🙇🙇

Wtf are lottie and Travis doing... Lottie stop feeding his psychosis baby 🙏

Lottie is sooo insane this season

Misty is absolutely failing at babysitting Lottie and Callie. Callie wants to get them drunk enough to talk sooo bad. Lottie IS the father

Mari and Ben team up?

Uh I just ate my words.

Anyways

A NOOSE??? Mari is not having a fun time, damn... She's catching Ls left and right

Now who was that in the bathroom???

These start up bros are super weird... And Shauna's catching them on their shit

They have ducks and bunnies 😵‍💫 absolute art

His name is Mortimer? His name is Mortimer!

Oh Travis deserves so much better my baby ❤️❤️

LOTTIE DONT, he needs a wilderness restraining order on her fr...

Why does Lottie make Travis the test dummy for this "communication"?? I'm interested because she isn't acting like this to any of the others, not even Nat (who sort of has the blessing of the wilderness)

Oh well Akilah is NOT safe now...

I KNEW IT! MISTY'S PLAYING THE CARDS IN HER FAVOUR TO GET ATTENTION. Shauna still doesn't like her though lol

Oh my Lord forget the Caligula dance number they FILMED THIS for a tv segment for the TV show...

Question is, what did Lottie spill to Callie while Misty was out cold?

Callie braiding Lotties hair <3

Misty just wants to have toxic one-sided codependent friendships Walter, what's so wrong about that? 🙄

Well Ben might be a bit insane

Ooo who laid flowers at wilderness baby's new grave?

Oh, well Melissa with her stupid ass boy shorts and that pretty crop top, she's so pretty 😍 her poor hat's gone MIA though

I'm gay, Melissa's gay, Shauna's a girl kisser

Shaunahat has to be one of the most interesting things i have ever seen

Oh they're freaky alright WITH THE KNIFE AT THE NECK STILL

Ending thoughts:

Want more Laura Lee... obviously I'm a sucker for Jane Widdop I would love to see them back on the show for flashbacks, but overall just an acknowledgment of Laura Lee this season ❤️

Is Ben insane? Is he hallucinating or actually talking to someone and we just can't see/hear them?

Wtf is up with teen Lottie?

What is going to happen with Callie regarding the Yellowjackets and the Wilderness?

I'm still manifesting a pig blood orgy like those mean highschool girls 🤷

More Shaunahat honestly 😈 , would love to see more teen Taivan

I don't think Akilah is going to be safe anymore after this episode since Travis just put Lottie on her.

[stellar-constellations]

"I would've gave you a kiss if you asked!"

        

        Jealous! (Y/N) x Denji (Hayakawa)

        (Y/N) and Himeno aren't on great terms!

        Underage drinking on (Y/N)'s part.

        I stared at the door depressingly, three drinks already gone with not even a sip wasted, all drank by me. I sighed again for the 40th time that night.

        “What’cha so down for? Does alcohol make you sad?” Himeno questioned, slapping her hand on my shoulder.

        I groaned and pushed it off, ignored at the drunk. At least I can hold my alcohol better compared to her.

        “Shut up, cancer stick.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “I was promised Denji would be here.” I sighed again. 

 ��      “Oh. Interesting.” Himeno smirked.

        “I don’t like that look.” I grimaced.

        “I'm looking like this because I owe him a kiss.” She said proudly.

        “What?!” I cried out. “How? No fair!” I whined, verbally letting out my frustration and anger at her.

        Her out of all people? This cancer stick! She’ll have lung cancer by the time my liver wears down tonight!

        “You can’t be serious.” I sighed, already feeling tears in my eyes.

        Alcohol is a depressant on the nervous system. I’ll blame my tears on that if she sees me cry.

        “Hehe. Yup. Tongue and all. Denji saved me from the Eternity Devil.” Himeno chuckled.

        “Yeah, when Himeno gets drunk she turns into a kissing freak.” Some dude with a freaky stone face, Stoner (I've decided his name was), said.

        "Good to know..." I muttered, scooting a bit, not needing that information but now aware to be extremely cautious with her. "Get me a strong blue-raspberry margarita." I spoke, stopping the waiter walking past me. "Add lemons in it too, please. And vodka. I need this." I spoke, desperate to drink away my sadness, anger, and disappointment all at once.

        The waiter nodded at me confused and a little annoyed (this was probably the fourth time I've asked in for a drink in the last twenty minutes).

        "Haven't you all had enough? Pretty soon you'll end up like kissaholic over here." Stoner spoke. 

        "I'm not that drunk!" Himeno slurred slightly. 

        "Don't judge me." I spat out harshly.

        Besides, this is probably the only way I'd be able to drink underaged.

        That waiter finally came back with my drink. I took it, almost not bothering to say thanks, but I decided I should be a little polite so he wouldn't spit in my next drink.

        "Thanks." I sighed, keeping my eyes on the door as I threw the straw behind me and chugged half of the margarita glass. "Get me another, a way bigger glass too." I ordered. 

        "That poor waiter—you'll be working his sorry ass all night." A blond guy with a scar spoke, whose name will now be Mad Brows because of his weird eyebrows. 

        The door bursted open, a rowdy crowd of three entering the bar. 

        "Hey, guys!" I greeted optimistically, glad to see Denji with them.

        Denji sat down next to Himeno and I immediately stood up, forcing Stoner to scoot his ass over as I sat down next to Denji, placing my head on his shoulder so he’d pay attention to me instead of Himeno. He blushed, staring for a good twenty seconds as I looked up at him, then grabbed the menu, shoving his red face deep into the plastic.

        “Come on! You’re still so young, so order up and eat more!” Stoner said to Denji.

        “Fuck! I can’t read any of this stuff!” Denji shouted. 

        “I can help!” I volunteered immediately, removing my head off his shoulder and sharing the menu as I pointed out different things. “This is spicy sushi, this is karaage, there’s ramen, udon, fried rice, curry…” the list went on and on as I patiently explained to him everything and answered his questions such as “what’s this food?” and “well, does that taste good?” 

        He finally decided and ordered his food, getting the waiter to come get it. The waiter hurried quickly once seeing me and hesitantly asked if I wanted another alcohol.

        “Nah, I’ll sober up. Get me water instead.” I spoke.

        “You’ve been drinking?” Denji questioned, shocked. “I didn’t even notice! But I guess that makes sense now cause of your red face.” 

        “I have a high tolerance for alcohol thanks to genetics.” I chuckled.

        “Ugh. This is so boring! You want that kiss now, Denji?” Himeno questioned before chugging beer.

        “Really?!” Denji shouted, excited. I groaned, extremely annoyed and jealous of Himeno.

        “Fucking cancer stick…” I muttered unhappily as I slammed my head hard on the table, shaking it.

        “A kiss?” I looked behind me and noticed Makima appear from nowhere as she looked over Denji. “Are you going to kiss someone, Denji?” she questioned.

        “Of course not!” Denji shouted immediately.

        “Eh? Denji, you’re not going to kiss me?” Himeno spoke.

        “Of course I am!” Denji shouted.

        I huffed, rolling eyes yet eternally grateful that Makima saved me from the sight of a guy I really like getting it on with some drunk girl who can’t give consent.

        Everybody went on more about drinking, somehow Power and the others started to talk about IQ. I noticed Himeno point me a cheeky smile before dragging her eyes to Denji next to me. Her face was red from the alcohol but seemed green too, almost as if she was about to throw up. I glared at her, shaking my head her she smirked wider.

        She leaned in over me and I immediately stood up, grabbing Denji’s hand and lifting him off the ground with strength I didn’t know I had. I took a few steps back and immediately after I did so, she threw up.

        “Gross!” someone at the table shouted.

        Kobeni held in her own puke in their mouth Makima stared at the scene, slightly surprised.

        “That was close.” Stoner said as Power laughed.

        “Uhoh. Excuse me, can we get something to wipe it up?” Makima asked.

        “Gross! Gross! Gross! Denji’s a minor too, you sick pedo!” I shouted at Himeno, red in the face from anger as I held onto Denji’s hand tighter and walked out of the bar.

        “Woah! What about paying?” Denji questioned.

        “Forget that. It’s all on Makima.” I spoke. “Can’t believe she tried doing that to you! I promise you, since I can’t legally give you consent now, but I promise that you’ll get a proper French kiss like Himeno offered to you! It’ll be tongue and all like she said and it’ll be 100 times better than what she could ever give you!” I spoke, stomping angrily as we started walking to our apartment.

        “I can’t believe her! Also can’t believe you’d allow that from her! You know what grooming is!? ‘Cause it’s that! Same thing Makima’s been doing. You’re a perfect target for them it seems, so watch out!” I scolded.

        “Sorry.” Denji sighed out.

        “Seriously though. What were you thinking? You risked your life for a stupid kiss, I heard. I would’ve gave you a kiss if you asked!” I blurred out, before realizing what I said as my face became bright red.

        “Oh, really?” Denji teased, a sharp and playful smirk on his face as he leaned closer. “That’s really all I’d have to do?” 

        “Stop it, I still have alcohol in my system so there's no legal consent.” I sighed, adverting my gaze to anywhere but him. "Let's just go back to our homes."

        Have any requests? Check my masterlist to see the characters I write for: Masterlist

[valiantroeagleangel]

Doomed from the start.

Vinny Mauro.

Semi-public masturbation, mention of weed and that's all chat. Simple but effective.

I know I said I was going to rewrite the old works and publish the awaiting ones but I'm a freak and wrote this after seeing the joint video of the Amsterdam show. It's short but go on and blame me. 😔

Mama's tag list: @circle-with-me @somewhere-diamond @witchyweeb34 @smokeynaomi @darkhallcorner @loeytuan98 @sthnog @arkiliastuff @philomenie

I'm probably missing a lot of people and I'm sorry I don't remember the old one, don't hesitate to manifest yourself and tell me if you want to be a part of this!

The joint fell off his lips, his mouth wide open. He tried to wipe his sweaty forehead in a fluid movement but it was a useless attempt. As soon as he raised his arm a moan escaped his lips, forcing him to grip the edge of the desk in front of him to keep things quiet.

Weed always made Vinny horny. It was something like cookies and milk or fish and water. That's why he tried not to smoke too much in public or with friends. Quite an inappropriate situation to have a boner with your friends. But that night, when Chris handed him a joint that a fan had passed up to the stage in Amsterdam, he found himself unable to decline politely amid the performance. And so, he smoked. It wasn't much; there were just a few staffers to furnish the show. But apparently, the lack of intimacy he suffered from these last months was enough to make him all riled up. Which was weird. Vinny swore he was stronger than that. Unless he was not.

He grabbed the edge of the desk once again, the grip powerful enough to make his joints whiten. He tried his best not to get too excited, to keep his moans low and controlled, but it was doomed from the start. So, instead of fighting it, he just accepted his fate, a recluse in this sham of an office he made for himself in the staffroom.

Anyone could come in at any moment but it didn't matter for him. At this moment all he could think about was the tingling feeling in his stomach and the rising heat in his chest. The noises on the other side of the room were long forgotten. Vinny wanted release, he wanted to feel himself come in his hand if he couldn't do it in yours. All he could think about was reaching, over and over again. The loneliness of the past few weeks came over him, ready to drown him in arousal. He wanted heat, he wanted touch, he wanted intimacy. His head dizzy from the drugs, he took another breath on his joint, letting the smoke burn his lungs more than his desire already was.

The more he stroked himself the more his moans became intense, to the point where he could hear himself loud and clear. And probably everyone outside the room could hear him loud and clear. It was shameful, dirty and freaky, but oh god, he fucking loved it. He wanted to come and he wanted everybody to know that he had come. He was feeling so hot, so desirable in this very moment, a moaning mess full of hot breaths and tears.

It was so hard for him to think, the sweet feeling that had been forbidden for weeks clouding his mind, the racket outside and the probability of one of his bandmates rushing it not mattering for the instant. When every thought he had was driving him back to his release, accentuating his desire. It was worse than a vicious cycle; it was a never-ending porn nightmare, battling against his fears for a well-earned joy.

And so his hand fastened on his member, the grip he had on the desk ready to break it in half if it had the misery of being too weak under his strength.

Vinny tried to focus on something, something else, something more appealing and conventional than Ryan walking in and surprising him with his cock in his hand. Something sweet, something soft, something like your backside.

Yeah, your backside.

Your backside in that short black dress you own. Your backside slightly pushed towards him when you bend over. Your bare backside when you get your panties off. Panties that you could throw to his face. Panties that he would love to masturbate in. Panties that he would love to come in.

If only he had a chance.

Yet, your tasteful body haunted his mind most delightfully. Like a stagnant illusion that he would never let go of. It was raw, primal, brutal. He wasn't looking to make the pleasure last, wasn't looking for the best jack-off of his life. He wanted an orgasm and he wanted it now. He wanted to come, rushed in his hand. He wanted to calm his spirits.

His hand slowed progressively, his thumb softly caressing his tip as he bit his lower lip. His red cheeks and his inconsistent breathing providing indices of what just had happened.

He didn't even try to take his shirt off or look for some tissue for the aftermath. He was a mess, his thoughts disorganised and his hand frantic and erratic. No scenario, no porno, not a coherent thought. Nothing. Just him, his hands and his hot cum filling his palm in a room full of burning laments. A desperate cry escaped his lips as he bucked his hips between his fingers, chasing the sizzling sensation of which he was deprived for so long.

[theunholyrogue]

the guys find out you have a mask k!nk (21+ minors dni!) bayverse turts! x reader

i have not fallen off the face of the earth! i have just FINALLY found the time to write after my classes ended for summer and even though it’s not something i’d normally write, i think it’s… fitting. :) ~ + it’s not because i’m also obsessed with ghost and konig from cod haha what

⚠️: mature themes; minors dni, mentions of an obvious mask kink, sexual innuendos, the devils tango doesn’t happen here sorry guys :( #notactuallysorry, characters are all of adult age (18+)

💙Leonardo💙

You and Leonardo had always been straightforward and open, from the moment the two of you became acquaintances, to best friends, to now partners. You both felt that communication was key— a key that was necessary to keeping your relationship alive and full of excitement as well as respect (along with the other vital roles!) So, when the time came that both of you were comfortable and ready to go all the way with one another, you both had a conversation about what you were both into, not cool with, possibilities, etcs, and that was that.

Except one thing.

You had been embarrassed to admit to a certain turn-on due to the fact that you didn’t think that Leo would understand.

Masks.

He wore one everyday, how he possibly understand?

The thought drove you insane until one night, when the two of you were getting freaky and Leonardo started to undo his mask, you boldly piped up.

“Leave the mask on.”

He stared at you, almost in bewilderment before his lips twitched into a smirk. He was onto you.

He didn’t question you on it right then— oh how dare he kill the mood! No, he waited until the two of you had gone four rounds and laid next to each other, panting.

You curled up into his side and he now draped his arm over you before opening his mouth.

“Again?”

“No.”

“Alright….”

Silence.

“A mask kink, huh?”

“Shut up!”

“All I’m saying is, I could’ve gotten so much more by leaving it on than by taking it off this entire time and you didn’t tell me!”

❤️Raphael❤️

It was summertime and you had managed to be able to snag a couple of nights off to be able to spend some time with your lovely partner, Raphael.

You two had been dating roughly after the technodrome and Kraang paid a visit to NYC, and not much longer after that is when you two started going at it ya freaks. You were both secure in the relationship, both had a healthy intimate life with one another and with yourselves if times were tough.

You being you, you had an unhealthy habit of not clearing your search history after naughty content, and will tend to forget about it until you need to search something on your phone— which isn’t that common with Donnie around.

So, whilst in the midst of spending one of your summertime eves with Raphael in the confinement of your apartment, you get up to go to the bathroom while he is watching a TV show on the television in front of you two. Confused by what the show had just ended on, he thought he had grabbed his phone to search the show for answers and whenever he pulled the browser up, his gaze was met of that which contained mask kink galore.

Raphael set your phone down, the website still pulled up as you hummed your way back into the room and once your eyes met the screen and then his, all he did was smirk and pat his lap.

“You got some ‘splainin’ to do.”

💜Donatello💜

You had always found it weird that you thought masks were such a sweet spot for you. You didn’t think that it could be considered a kink to like masks in the bedroom, or that the whole idea of kinks had just never been properly explained to you, so the conversations about them always made you feel awkward.

It took you a while to truly feel okay with just learning what you think you would like as far as kinks go, and once you found out that masks were a kink that others had, you felt a little less weird about the whole situation.

Not to mention that whenever you and Donnie started dating, you couldn’t help but imagine all the things he could do to you, simply because of the purple friggin mask on his face~. He never noticed how zoned out you would get around him until he had to draw you out of it.

Whenever he did find out was the time that the two of you finally decided to do the deed. He had felt like you wanted him to take his mask off, ironically, until you stopped him and asked him to keep it on. He didn’t think anything of it, but you overthought your request and had to explain it to him a few times that night that you felt like you were attracted to masks and needed a little bit a reassurance, which the turtle was very happy to give.

After finding that tidbit out, he was more than happy to surprise you every now and again with different masks to spice things up in the bedroom when he felt like his purple eye mask was getting too boring. (which it never was but-)

🧡Michelangelo🧡

You were not subtle in letting Mikey know that you had a mask kink.

You didn’t even know you had a mask kink.

The mask kink let you know that it had you.

Anywho, let me tell you the story.

Mikey was bragging about getting his hands on the newest copy of COD: MWII and had been playing it ever since he had gotten it.

You had been laying behind him watching tiktok during the time that everybody and their mother’s were falling head over heels for Ghost, König, or both, and making edits of them.

You had fallen into this trap and of course with your partner playing the exact game… you made him restart so that you could see Ghost in ALL of his glory.

Mask and ALL.

You had never once paid so much attention to a mask before until this very moment and made it known to Mikey that you really liked Ghost’s mask, and then you turned to Mikey.

Low and behold, he’s wearing a mask.

And goddamn you are turned on.

“Mikey, turn the game off.”

“But! I just restarted!”

“I said turn it off!”

“Okay!!!”

Mikay could not have been any less prepared for that evening than he was.

Mikey’s sucks I’m sorry—

[serene-starss]

𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙

Pairing: jutty Taylor & Tobias forge & GN reader & Cosmo sylvan

Warnings: sleep paralysis, nightmares, comfort lol. Requests are open!

Summary: reader recently joined the band and suffers from sleep paralysis, only a certain action can help them get out of it.

It’s 3:21 am on a Sunday night in London, the band had gotten home from the venue and was long past everyone’s showers and phone calls to their loved ones.

It was 3:21 am, on a Sunday night, in London, and there were 2 more hours untill everyone would wake up for the days activities.

5am. Wake up, get ready, pack

5:30am. Breakfast and boarding the bus

6am. Leave the hotel and go to next city or to the venue

It was the same thing every morning and honestly it was fine for you, simple schedules that didn’t make things harder. Currently it was the second week of tour and you were running on only 1 and a half hours of sleep a night.

Your sleeping issues plagued you ever hotel and bus…sleep paralysis taking over when the foggy mindset rested your eyes and relaxed your bones. Freezing like a statue, turning into a corpse and figures swarming you. Words and thoughts in your mind, nightmares that made you feel…real unreal things.

“Just take melatonin!” People suggested before you joined the band, but they didn’t know that it made it worse.

It wasn’t that you were mentally ill- oh no it sure wasn’t- it was just one of the things that stuck with you as you got older

When you first joined you had to give a contract to the manger as well as medical records and such that proved you were fit to be in the group. Now that the bands manager was Tobias, it was honestly more nerve wracking to hand over all your personal information to your future boss.

He didn’t really care, Tobias was a good person they didn’t judge others nevertheless what they were dealing with. It was really just to be sure you weren’t going to put yourself or others in danger on the tour or have condition like a tumor that kept you from flying.

Tobias never mentioned it again, he did ask what it was for you- you assumed it was so he wouldn’t freak out if you started doing some weird shit in the middle of the night.

You explained what it was and how it affected you, even sugaring it up to not sound so pitiful. After all, it was ghost, one of the best bands in your opinion. He was shocked when he heard you, he naturally asked what you do to help it and what he could do as a friend. You greatly admired his sense of friendship and care towards everyone, he really was a “tender father”.

“Sometimes it helps bring me back to this sort of world by tapping or rubbing my limb or back in a rhythm I know that I can focus on.” You say, “it helps me focus on what’s real.”

After that, you shook hands and joined the band. Months later and many practices after you started tour.

You had put up with the terrors every night so far, by not going to sleep or very…very…embarrassingly petting a small shark plushie you had since you were a child. It was embarrassing but it was better than sobbing more than usual to sleep.

Another thing, you literally cried every night due to them. Rather it be in the terrors or after and before, you tried to muffle it to not wake up whoever you were sharing a hard hotel bed with or whoever was around your bunk on the bus.

But this night, it was worse…perhaps from bottling it all up and the lack of sleep wrecking your corpse feeling form.

3:36 in the morning, and it’s hard to contain sobs as you can’t move your arms or mouth. Holding breath…only makes the gasp for air after louder each time. You can feel the bed shaking and you pray to everything that exists that the guy beside you doesn’t wake up.

Now that you think about it, you forgot who was paired with you, it swapped every night. You couldn’t care who slept with you, the fact that it wasn’t even gender based told you enough that everyone trusted each other life family to not get freaky in the middle of the night.

In your peripherals you see jutty soundly asleep, “of all nights….” You think as he softly snores with his mouth agape.

He was the lightest sleeper in the group, of all night…and to think the most energetic guy on stage was the hardest sleeper baffled you.

They all had traits of sleep, not that you watched, it’s just being up all night you had nothing else to do but notice their presence.

Jutty, light sleeper and sometimes talks.

Per, sleeps like a log and doesn’t move once, he also sleeps with a hoodie on including the hood and thick pajama pants.

Randy, didn’t know what sharing leg room was.

Cosmo, he also must’ve forgotten that there was only one blanket.

Hayden, snores like the devil…

The girls? They all were perfect to share a bed with!

Tobias? He went to bed three hours after the unassigned assigned curfew and often passed out from the amount of melatonin he takes but is up an hour before alarms dressed for breakfast with a smile.

Whatever luck had gotten light sleeper boy in this bed obviously hated you.

More tears soaked into the pillows on your side, and when you finally got out of it you quickly gasped and rolled over facing the wall.

“Shit…” you hope it didn’t wake him up, you softly sniffle, broken cries muffled by your hands and T shirt.

“Are you alright?” A soft and groggy voice says quietly as a hand sets on your shoulder.

With a slight jump, you pretend to be asleep.

“Dude…I know your awake?” He says a little dramatically.

His hand softly rubs your back as he notices the tear stains on the pillows, “everything…alright?” He asks again

You sniffle, giving away more that you were crying, “I’m ok.”

“Why are you crying?” He whispers, he doesn’t sound nosey but genuinely concerned.

“Uhm…” you sigh, “just uh, I have sleep paralysis…”

He makes a knowing sound, “ohh, I’m sorry jack,” he pats your shoulder

“You can go back to sleep…” you say awkwardly,

“Do you need anything? Water? Crackers? Fresh air?” He asks a little worried

“No I just..” you sigh, giving up on not worrying him, “I just sometimes need help getting out of it.”

Jutty is too kind of a person to not care, being mean to each other was the popular sarcastic humor but his personality always shined through.

“How do you do that?” He asks curiously

You tell him about the tapping back you do, and explain how focusing on a rhythm helps.

“Oh…well….i get that, I’ll try if you have it again. Wake me up if you have it again.” He says sweetly

Besides the fact the whole point was that you couldn’t move, you nodded with a smile.

The next day, everyone exhaustedly climbs into their bunks as they get back from dinner.

After a few hours of sitting in the couched area of the bus as it departs, you head to your bunk. You knew you needed to turn off your work laptop, to not wake others with the light as Tobias himself headed to his bunk. You kept yourself busy every night with school, trying to finish an online course for your own education.

Hours later, you are stuck in another possession moment.

Can’t move.

Can’t speak.

Can’t communicate.

Can barely think…

This one’s worse than the previous one, this time the things in your nightmare are even more realistic. You want to be awake. You are awake. You are aware. But you can’t do anything to protect yourself. In this moment you need someone to wake you, you need someone to help you out of this hell.

And suddenly there is a tap on your shoulder, it feels- tap tap, tap tap tap tap, tap tap, tap tap tap a soft stroke of a tune that you can feel. Noticing it as the bass line for absolution.

You focus, on whoever was helping you as you stared into the top of the bunk.

After a minute and a half you escape the hellish realm you were stuck in and rub your eyes. Your breathing shutters as you struggle for air.

“Are you out?” Cosmos tiered voice says across from you, his hand still on your arm.

“Cosmo?” You roll over, “how did you know, to do that?” Your croaking exhausted voice asks

“Jutty told me and per at dinner, I don’t think he meant too,” he says as he props himself on an elbow.

“Oh, that’s alright…I suppose it’s helpful…” you say

“Sorry you have to deal with that,” Cosmo said again, “perhaps listening to something to sleep will help?” He suggests

“Maybe, but thank you, I’ll try it.” You say softly as he retracts his arm from across the narrow bus hallway.

“Get some rest.”

[peggingprowl]

oh gosh. i think you accept drabbles like mychlapi does sometimes? oh gosh if this is weird just delete it i may die of embarrassment bc i never like… talk abt smut ever. but you might be the only person who understands My Thots and i’ll otherwise explode so

Tarantulas. and Prowl. they’re gonna try again. you know. make some Springer 2.0s but now while antagonistically and lovingly married and also. yknow. less test tubes and more closer to how organics do things. but both their sparks are kinda busted right and it’s better if you have all the forge business and the sparkbudding business going on in the same frame so uh

so they ask First Aid. and that’s a good fit because he’s a little freaky but also he’s been visiting to dabble with Tarantulas’s lab stuff together so it’s not even that weird to ask and he’s supportive and says yes. and. well. i’m going to die of embarrassment! but okay

Aid. is kind of into pretending to be a science experiment, sometimes. soooo he and Tarantulas get silly with it and that’s a good time. and then Prowl is actually kinda chill when he’s relaxed and having sex so that’s good too! um. there’s other stuff but i’m too fckin shy and might perish so. that’s all for now, thanks for reading

*remembers this ask exists days later after I kept telling myself I'd answer it* HI. yes. I do accept asks! And can I just say. I'm SO glad you looked at my blog and went "yeah, they'd like some weird sex with Prowl, Tarantulas, and First Aid" and you're CORRECT!!!

Also the idea of First Aid visiting Tarantulas' lab... Intriguing! Very intriguing! Never thought about that dynamic, but I'm interested now.

Anyway. To the weird sex part! Love that Prowl and Tarantulas got back together after everything, the absolute freaks. And immediately get into baby making as well alfjalkgkalf. They probably went "ah yes, more babies... Wait fuck. We both had terrible self care. Neither of us can support a baby"

*cut to First Aid walking into the lab*

"hey you guys! what's going on?"

Prowl and Tarantulas, sharing a look: yeah, he'll do.

They probably come up to him with a whole power point of reasons why he is an Ideal Candidate to become their surrogate, plus a like 50 step plan for how they'll achieve this. Meanwhile First Aid is just like "you want me to spend my time getting constantly railed by two mechs? Sign me UP"

They then get to the part, and of course Prowl and Tarantulas are like, highly meticulous about it all, which low-key turns First Aid on. The detail is very flattering. On GOD they're going to get him robot pregnant. And if he proves to be successful with the first one... Well. It'd be a waste of an experiment to see if there's not a faster way for them to knock him up. Gotta do a few more.

[three--rings]

thought of a story that I haven't told that tumblr may enjoy.

So I majored in psychology in undergrad, right, and when you take psych classes they almost always require you to do a certain number of hours of being an experimental research subject, right, because professors have to publish and need someone they can force into their studies without paying, right?

And like that's fine if it's 4 hours for one class, but when you're doing an entire psych major in two years like I did, that's a LOT of hours of research studies.

And we all dreamt of getting in those fun social psych experiments where they fuck with your head, right? And not the ones where they make you sit in front of a laptop and do math for an hour. (They made me DO MATH Y'ALL. "This is an experiment in how well you learn under certain conditions." Conclusion: you suck at this.)

Anyway, you'd get funny things like one time I turned up on campus on a freaking SATURDAY for a study and sat around in a courtyard with like 30 other people while nothing happened and all of us talking about like "hey, uh, do you think THIS is the study? Like to see if we leave?" But no, just no one turned up for us and we didn't get our freaking hours.

But one time I DID end up in one of those freaky social psych studies. So to be fair, I had insider knowledge, because again, psych major. So I signed up intentionally to my social psych profs study. Hoping at least it wouldn't be math.

And I arrive and am greeted by...the TA for my social psych class wearing a fat suit.

It's like IDK April or something and Texas and 80+ degrees and she's in a long skirt and a sweatshirt. And also she's MY TA. I recognize her. I even say "Oh, hi!" like I would when seeing someone I know on campus. And she greets me like she vaguely recognizes me. But, normally she is not approximately 280-300lbs.

So, I'm, like REALLY REALLY sure it's a fat suit. Like....99.5% sure.

But not 100%.

And so what the FUCK do you SAY to THAT? Well, obviously you don't say FUCKING SHIT. You pretend nothing is fucking weird, right? Because the very, very small chance that you are WRONG and this isn't a normally thin girl in a fatsuit but a real person who is shaped like that is still...NOMINALLY THERE and OMG what if you comment on it and you're WRONG?

So I get ushered into this little room and shown a bunch of pictures of people and asked to rate them on various things like competency and attractiveness, this is normal social psych survey stuff, except I'm SURE the experiment is does the person in the room with you and their appearance change your ratings.

And the whole time I'm distracted as FUCK, cause I'm just sitting there thinking "am I wrong and this isn't my TA somehow? no, no, pretty much ALMOST certain I'm right...etc." And "why would anyone be wearing a sweatshirt in this weather/building if they WEREN'T wearing a fatsuit?"

But MAYBE the point of the experiment is "will this person call out an obvious fake fat person?" And should I do so or not? Is this social pressure to conform and not speak the truth I know? Should I say something? I, uh, may have had an unknown and untreated anxiety disorder at this point in my life so, yeah I'm LOSING MY MIND and probably acting like a FREAK.

So anyway, eventually I decide okay, obviously you can't say anything because yeah...but you will be debriefed once this is over and you'll FIND OUT THE TRUTH. You won't have this lingering doubt in your mind when this is over because they will debrief you.

If you don't know human research, debriefing is when, after all the experiment data collection is over, they inform the subject of what the topic of the research was and explain any tricks or deception or anything to them. (We played distracting music to see how you did on the test...) If there was any potential distress involved it should be dealt with by examiners, etc. Usually in practice you are handed a slip of paper that explains the purpose of the study and what you did.

Usually you don't care and barely read it. But I was dying to be debriefed. I wanted her to be like "yeah I am wearing a fatsuit" and me to be like "lol, yeah I know, cause like, I know you right?" And if the secret purpose of the experiment was actually "will you say something" then I will be told that and get to explain why I didn't.

Like sometimes debrief also involves follow-up questions that helps determine why you gave responses you did or whether you should actually have your data thrown out for some outlier reason (like the person faking being fat is my fucking TA).

So we get done with all the questions and leave the small room. And we're in the antechamber and the TA is like "okay, cool, thanks bye" and directs me to the door. And doesn't hand me a debrief slip or mention debriefing AT ALL.

And now I'm fucking SPOOKED. It's a TRICK and they want you to SAY SOMETHING and you're going to try to leave without saying anything and they will then stop you and debrief you. So I wait, for like...several seconds, waiting for her to remember debrief and just get stared at so I go "oh okay" and like stutter-step my way to the door of the office and like open it and turn back and she's already gone, and so I like, step out into the quad and am like "what. the. fuck."

And I literally stand there like "should I go back in and ask to be debriefed?" Literally I knew enough to know that THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF DEBRIEFING to not leave subjects wondering about shit like this and not leave them with nagging doubts and questions.

And the only really mysterious experiment of my life just failed to debrief me.

But of course I don't do anything but walk slowly away.

And it's now 20+ years later and I never did find anything out. Except you can DAMN well bet I confirmed at my next class that 1) yeah that was TOTALLY my fucking TA, I was right and 2) NO she was actually really slim.

So I'm sure it was about how a fatsuit (or *cough* sorry "attractiveness") of an interviewer changes responses to surveys. But I'm STILL mad I wasn't debriefed because it's fucking annoying and violates HRB standards and I could have gotten them in serious trouble over that by reporting it. And also my data should have been thrown out.

Also this is why you shouldn't trust psychology studies because the subject pool is SHITTY AS FUCK. "Psychology is the study of the average American college sophomore" as one of my profs quipped and then didn't change his method of getting subjects.

[lucksea]

YESSSS POSTING LITTLE CHUNKS IS THE SPICE OF LIFE! 👀 the PLA self insert fic OR any Lucky Mew scraps u may have?

I DONT HAVE ANY LUCKY MEW SCRAPS AT THE MOMENT she was a sona alt design that got away from me and i havent decided enough of her plot to write anything. but heres ... i was going to do screenshots for this but again theres actually a lot of this and i thought about it and decided i might as well jsut post all of it so heres a long as fuck copy pasted entry of the entirety of the isekai doc. under the cut. have fun smile. featuring skylark my cohost and one of the anchors in the sea that is life

DAY ONE

-wake up on the beach

-literally no memory of how i got here. How the fuck did i get here

-i am still an adult man and i spawned in with a shiny jolteon

-oh god.

-im gonna fuck up the timeline so bad. Oh no

-skylark straight up talks to me and i physically pog

-immediately from now on attempt to down low talk to every pokemon i see. They are all as weirded out by this as the humans are

-my android. my fucking phone

-catch the little freaks for laventon same as usual. My hand eye coordination isnt that great but i only miss once ✌️

-the oshawott puts up a fight and sky zaps the fuck out of it. Hardly even a battle

-be questioned by cyllene

-look man …… i have no answers for you. I fell from the sky with this thing and no memory (of how the fuck this happened) i swear to god

-apparently nobody in the galaxy team has heard of being able to talk to pokemon.

-kamado does not like that i showed up no memory no money no job and started asking weird questions so he gives me a harder trial. Fight the alpha bibarel at the dam past deertrack heights

-rei and akari are both there. Thank god. If i fuck it up and stop being the protagonist one of them can do the story mode

-skylark points out that given the severity of catching a starly shinx and bidoof in the game, they are for sure definitely for real trying to kill us by making us fight an alpha bibarel on our first day

-well. thats probably fine. More glory for us

-walking through the obsidian fieldlands is actually really nice other than all the little bitches trying to kill me

-huh isnt this deertrack heights. Its weird to see it without a camp here. Oh god the fucking geodude

-we take on the alpha bibarel thats blocking the way to the woods

-by we i mean my buddy the mean green electric machine

-hm this thing is pretty strong actually huh what level is skylark supposed to be –

-[haggard and soaking wet] that thang didnt stand a chance 😏

-lament to skylark that i wish id gotten transformed into a different form because i want to wear the cool zoroark mask if it exists but i cant do that with glasses

-ok anyway. We’re clearly in this for the long haul we need to brainstorm a team

-skylark tries to do her I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF shit and then we both stare into the distance as an image of arcanine fades into our minds

-no we need a water type.png

-but not bibarel. Sorry bibarel.

-laventon didnt give me the oshawott bc i literally already had a pokemon so samurott is off the table (SAD)

-eevee are so rare and i am not going to be the eeveelution guy so leafeon and vaporeon are also no go even if i like them. A freaky jolteon is enough

-what other water types are there.

-gyarados

-hatch a master plan to speedrun to kleavor and catch the gyarados flying around the mountain range above the forest

-I ALSO WANT A SCIZOR 🥺

-skylark voice Can you look me in the eyes and promise me that you will not start shaking and crying as soon as you get anywhere near a scyther. Can you truly say with a straight face that your insect phobia will not apply to pokemon if pokemon are real

-i believe in my ability to forget fear in the face of love. And i love scyther.

-both of those are flying types and kleavor is a rock type so unless i find a metal coat day 2 or i want to let my soon to be three idiots fight a nightmare battle we need a fourth party member to take on the boss

-what other fucking pokemon are even in this area. I dont remember

-give up on brainstorming for now and go back to the camp victorious

-i expect kamado to give some kind of like halfhearted thing because he thought i was going to die but then he says some shit about sensing the strength and valor in my heart or something. Ok <3 yay <3

-congrats you get to have a house. Welcome to the security corps

-

-THE WHAT

-FUUUUUUUUCK

-i dont even get a cute scarf as part of my uniform. This sucks so bad. Fuck my stupid baka life

-oh yeah i need to eat

-please buy me food professor please buy me food professor please b

-SUCCESS I LOVE YOU LAVENTON MARRY ME i dont say that out loud but i think it.

-fried potato mochi goes crazy. Not in any world what i was expecting but its good

-go to sleep in my new house. The first time i get a taste of living alone and its in a straight up isekai situation. Figures

-i havent gotten any texts from arceus. Is my mission even still to collect all the pokemon

-check my phone

-no new messages

-please lord have mercy on my fucking SOULLLLLLLLL

DAY TWO

-wake up

-new job is to escort the teenagers + professor to the areas. Oh my god. We are going to fuck up the plot of this game so bad

-WHAT ABOUT KLEAVOR???

-apparently i am still the one who is going to take on kleavor because im the best fighter in the fucking region.

-youre goddamn right. (THANK GOD THE TEENAGERS DONT HAVE TO DO IT)

-i may only be 22 years old but KAMEN RIDER DEMONS VOICE i will lay down my life to protect these 15 year olds ive known for 24 hours

-hmm skylark i know we already fucked up the plot but dont you feel like we’re forgetting something

-stare at each other

-oh my god. Where the fuck is Zora

-SURELY BECAUSE ME AND SKYLARK REMEMBER EVERYTHING ZORA ALSO REMEMBERS AND KNOWS AND IS AWARE. IS IT A ZORUA OR A ZOROARK. IS IT IN THE ICELANDS OR IS IT HERE. THERE ARE TOO MANY VARIABLES

-worry about that later. When our lives are not immediately on the line . we have to go to deertrack heights again

-hi Mai :] hi munchlax :]

-oh yeah battle

-skylark. Blast that thang

-oh yeah the kricketune

-skylark. Blast that thang

-this is literally what it feels like to play a game and have access to the crazy overpowered dlc characters and destroy the early enemies. My new game plus swagger

-apparently the clans do have records of people who can communicate with pokemon so my instant conversation with munchlax is super weird but not unheard of

-please dont say its like a religious thing. please

-”i mean we did make them wardens but it wasnt just because they could talk to pokemon. Like the lords are the ones who choose the wardens. Its not really our decision”

-ill take it.

-that explains why lian and sabi are wardens despite being like ten years old. I do not point this out because i should not know who they are

-mai says shes glad to see people in the galaxy team who walk alongside pokemon as equals. I realize that i actually have no idea if skylark even has a pokeball but it feels distinctly crazy fucked up for me to put her in one of those so i dont say anything about that either

-mai does not give me a flute or anything and adaman does not show up but wyrdeer does give me a weird look. Hi wyrdeer. Do you have something to say

-he doesnt. Aw man

-deertrack heights camp gets set up while we continue to the forest

-were not fighting kleavor today we just have to “study it” aka watch it tear the fuck out of some trees and agree that thats probably a danger to everyone and god

-lian is there YAY LIAN

-he agrees that kleavor is kind of scary but its not our business so we should stay away and let pearl clan handle it.

-rei and akari try to argue and lian challenges them to a battle

-skylark and i make significant eye contact. We probably cant afford to slip away and catch the scyther while this happens what if the children get attacked

-akari has her pikachu and rei has an eevee

-Of Course He Does.

-due to the nature of the world a 2v1 isnt against the rules and rei and akari win

-lian begrudgingly concedes

-i tell goomy hes cute. Because he is. He is baffled

-IRIDA APPEARS

-i really dont want to tell the leader of this clan what to do about her holy figures because thats fucked up but kleavor is straight up murderous and this is real life right now so i state very objectively that my jolteon and i will step in if things get out of hand

-irida does not like this.

-rei and akari add on that i just got here like yesterday and i fought the alpha bibarel and won like 4 hours after waking up on the beach

-well skylark did the fighting. Not me. I just cheered her on because she had a type advantage and the willpower to do anything

-irida contemplates this.

-well whatever we wanna do kleavor is still definitely too dangerous to approach as is so we need to retreat and figure out a way to subdue him enough that battle is even possible

-i restrain myself from giving the balms option outright because i dont want to have all the answers that would be suspicious. And what if thats not even how it works here. What if i look like an idiot. And my aim isnt even that good. I dont even want the answer to be balms honestly

-irida seems like she wants to ask me more questions but she dismisses us for now

-we return to laventons office for the night to brainstorm

-laventon comes up with the balms

-look professor…….. Im not really that good at throwing things ……………………. Catching the little guys on the beach was a fluke i was like 3 feet away from them

-rei and akari start coming up with a plan to throw the balms at kleavor while i keep it distracted

-That Does Not Sound Like A Good Idea At All Guys . What If It Just Attacks You Instead

-skylark brings up rage powder

-this instantly makes me irritated because my two planned team members would have bug and flying covered and thus catching a dustox or whatever would mean id have to rethink my team.

-can dustox or beautifly even learn rage powder

-nobody knows what that is.

-arcphone. Do you have google. Arceus show me Pokemon That Can Learn Rage Powder

-arceus actually pulls up a list of pokemon that can learn rage powder THANKS..? GOD..? wait is this the pokemondb page 

-the answer is no pokemon in hisui can do that.

-we are so fucked

-ok wait what about follow me

-clefairy. Thats in the highlands i cant get that. Elekid. Thats in the icelands i cant get that. Magby. Thats in the coastlands i cant get that. Pachirisu. NOT ANOTHER FUCKING ELECTRIC TYPE

-ok. We need to be able to keep kleavors attention even when there are other people throwing things at it for this plan to work. Can we find a way to do this or do i need to take the balms myself

-i am more willing to just fucking whiff throws than risk other people in this bc there is a CHANCE in this life that i will just respawn and that is not true for everyone else

-i also might not respawn. But theres a chance

-getting a flying type to zip around the arena would only work if we could guarantee that kleavors rock-type moves wouldnt hit which would be hard.

-crobat is probably fast enough to avoid the attacks but theres no way for us to get a crobat that quickly

-drifloon or drifblim might be able to phase out of the way of the attacks and irritate kleavor into pursuing it above any humans in the arena. Ghost types have a habit of annoying the fuck out of people right

-drifloon and drifblim i CAN find easily. I just need to wait in the fieldlands until dark. Sky has a type advantage over them as flying types so if they attack me she can zap the fuck out of them

-they will still be weak to stone axe and stealth rock though. This plan is not a perfect one were gonna be flying by the seat of our pants here

-i wish i had a shellos or gastrodon but i dont think i can swim to the island in th

-IF I CATCH A DRIFBLIM. IT CAN CARRY ME ACROSS. THIS ISNT A VIDEO GAME WITH VIDEO GAME MECHANICS I CAN JUST HAVE MY BALLOON CARRY ME AND CATCH A SHELLOS

-we are catching a motherfucking drifblim. 

-its late at night but going out now would be a bad idea so we agree to go out as normal tomorrow to research and prepare, then stay overnight so i can catch the ghost, and then battle kleavor the next day

-i go back home

-laying down on my cot with sky on my chest

-hey sky how do you think this would have gone if youd been the human and id been a pokemon. What do you think i would have ended up as

-skylark voice i dont fucking know nyarla. I probably would have talked kamado into letting me be in the survey corps or something. You walk through life like a wrecking ball i have no idea what i would do in your shoes because our circumstances would be immediately vastly different

-tahts fair.

-go to sleep

-i dream that im on a boat and all my friends are calling to me on the shore but i cant get back i just keep getting pulled out further to sea and there are cranberries everywhere and spiders clinging to me to get out of the water because suddenly i am not in a boat i am just standing in the water (real dream ive had once taht feels like it would be fitting like narratively)

DAY THREE

-wake up

-well that was unpleasant. Im going to ignore the panic from all my friends thinking im dead and also being covered in spiders. Its probably fine

-ariados isnt in hisui. There are no spiders in hisui. And even if there were i love galvantula. I am immune to bug type pokemon. and fear (MANTRA

-ok time to go to the fieldlands

-while waiting for nightfall i get roped into helping rei and akari do fieldwork. Which mostly consists of skylark beating up baby pokemon while the kids watch. 

-riveting

-i genuinely debate wandering off to go explore and do something more interesting like shiny hunt but i dont want to let the kids get straight up killed when im supposed to be watching them because im not sure i believe in the power of their pikachu and eevee to protect them from any actual threats here. Like an alpha

-the only thing keeping me responsible in this world is responsibility. Who could have guessed

-i experience my midday sleepiness and skylark straight up electrocutes me to wake me up anime pikachu style

-THAT FUCKING HURT YOU DICKHEAD

-shouldnt i be dead from that. I guess humans must be more resilient in the pokemon world just like i theorized. Ill have to keep that in mind later

-the sun finally starts setting and the kids head back to deertrack camp while sky and i venture off to find a ghost

-im still kind of tired but god forbid i get electrocuted again. We persevere

-hey sky was volo supposed to show up yet

-skylark voice honestly ive kind of forgotten whats supposed to have happened at this point. And were only like 3 hours in gameplay wise

-maybe we should stop trying to stick to the game plot, i say, in the middle of a field at 10 pm about to catch a hot air balloon so i can use it to skip two areas of progress and get to an island to catch a little slug before the first boss

-didnt you just play this game, says skylark. Like you didnt even finish it. How do you already not remember what happens at the beginning

-skylark. I dont remember anything ever. You should know this better than anyone. I deleted my save with the limited edition items because i forgot they were limited edition and not dlc. I can forget anything

-we catch the drifblim. Ill come back and add however the fuck this happens later

-head back to the camp to sleep for like 3 hours

-SLEEP

DAY FOUR

-we wake up

-VOLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-now that im thinking about it we were definitely supposed to battle him at the town gate before coming out here. Well its probably fine

-volo says some obscure shit about the vortex and how interesting it is that i fell from the sky. I debate fucking with him in an uncountable number of ways but decide not to because i like him. I may change my mind in the future

-we do not battle volo because were about to fight kleavor and we need all the strength we can get for it. Im sad because i want to see togepi but i do not say this because it would be insane for me to just know what pokemon he has without being told

-ok everyone before we go on our quest to beat the shit out of a local demigod i have to go on an island quest. Ill be back in like an hour 

-drifblim time 😏

-ok my new friend can you please carry me over there. Please do not try to kill me or some crazy shit like that. I have faith in the power of friendship and the world of pokemon but i do not want that faith to be shattered

-drifblim carries me normal regular style because its so nice and pokemon is a world about being friends with cute monsters that have human intelligence and the power of gods

-shellos time 😏

-id honestly rather catch a gastrodon but sky would be at a disadvantage AND i dont have sky because drifblim couldnt carry us both and i didnt want to pokeball her so shes just chilling on the other shore and idk if i could have drifblim fight and win and catch a gastrodon like 20 minutes before a boss. So shellos it is. Also it would be kind of bullshit for me to just clear the first area with 3 fully evolved pokemon even if i am a grown ass man

-sneak through the grass. Sneaky style

-shellos so cute i love u shellos. I like the blue shellos better than pink shellos but i like pink gastrodon better than blue gastrodon so i do not mind this outcome

-BACKSTRIKE !!

-it catches yay :]

-the gastrodon has witnessed my capture.

-GRAB THE BALL AND RUN

-beautiful moment of drifblim carrying me back while water gets spewed at us. What a great morning to risk my life in battle against a bug made of rocks taller than me while soaking fucking wet

-i gaze at my team and briefly lament the fact that this means i dont get to have an epic sky battle against a gyarados because that sounded like so much fun

-i was literally born to be a pokemon trainer. Going on adventures and quests and battling powerful foes and catching pokemon. This is so awesome

-the fact that this is everything ive ever wanted and that eventually i will have to go back home where magic isnt real and me and sky and zora and everyone are trapped in one body and there are a million things keeping me from the life i want but i have responsibilities to the life i had before that i cant just throw away on a whim sets in.

-oh god

-I CANT START CRYING RIGHT BEFORE FIGHTING A BOSS THE TEENAGERS ARE GOING TO THINK IM A WUSS WHOS SCARED OF KLEAVOR. THEY DONT KNOW IM HAVING A FUCKING GENUINE LIFE CRISIS

-skylark and i resolve to go fight the gyarados anyway for fun later because it will probably be easy and exciting. Just because i cant stay forever doesnt mean i cant enjoy it while im here

-go back to the camp with all my little guys

-ok here we fucking go

-show up to the arena and remember that we have to argue the case for our plan to irida and lian. I forgot

-irida understandably vexed about this whole thing

-i state again for the record that im cool with just doing it all myself because its dangerous and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

-Rei and akari protest and say that they helped come up with the plan and want to help Kleavor in any way they can

-irida agrees with me that its too dangerous for straight up children. How old even is irida. Isnt she like 19. Thats not that much younger than me but we are both still like young adults in the grand scheme of things. Its kind of fucked up that we’re discussing who has the best chance to risk their life and survive here i guess the pokemon world is also kind of fucked up after all

-irida agrees to help us make the balms as long as SHE gets to come with me into the arena to throw the balms while i distract kleavor

-i am surprised by this but i agree because i believe in women

-also it feels way more right for her to have a direct hand in the whole thing considering shes like. The leader of a whole clan. And im just some dude who got here 2 days ago

-while rei akari and lian make the balms irida and i make a game plan

-irida is surprised when drifblim and shellos come out but then shes like actually from what i know about you idk why im shocked that you have a ghost.

-i can only guess what that means. But i think i understand the jist of it .

-game plan

-drifblim does everything in its power to draw the brunt of kleavors fire. It’ll fire off gusts to whip up dirt and do its weird teleportation bullshit so that kleavor cant hit it but will be frustrated enough to keep pursuing

-skylark, shellos and iridas glaceon will lay down support fire for drifblim in case kleavor loses interest or if kleavor knocks it out. If it stays irritated its less likely to notice me and irida

-irida and i will throw balms while the pokemon fight

-shellos says shes not sure she’ll be able to keep up with the fight since she moves so slowly. This is a good point

-she cant sit on skylarks back because shes not a ground type so her firing off electricity will hit shellos.

-drifblim cant take non-ghosts with him when he phases

-glaceon agrees to carry shellos. I am flooded with relief at the fact that i dont have to carry a slug on my head while doing all this shit

-i remember that irida might not know that i can understand pokemon . dont worry about it irida we can talk later

-i also remember the kleavor cheese strat and bring up the idea of ducking behind the tree if kleavor tries to go for us

-irida is unsure if kleavor will remember the importance of the giant tree in his rage, but he hasnt cut it down yet, so its possible he will avoid slicing straight through it to get to us and instead go around

-we will just have to hope so!

-thats  it . thats our plan

-ok. Time to fight kleavor.

-lets pretend drifblim is lvl 25 here since we start with stronger pokemon so it has mystical fire which i think is neutral against kleavor bc of rock subtype

-fight scenes are hard come back and figure the details out later

-someone should get injured here because its a big fight and that will raise tension

-i think the security corps uniform is probably thick for warmth and extra defense so maybe i just get like a really bad scratch on an arm or shoulder but not enough to be a super big deal

-drifblim is knocked out during the battle by a stone axe sorry drifblim i love you

-shellos actually pulling its weight with water pulse and mud bomb

-skylark would know thunderbolt at lvl 25 which is awesome. I forgot that eeveelutions have abysmal move pools except for literally 1 move they can use reliably we’re gonna have to do something about that

-glaceon launches literally 1 ice beam and then realizes it is also so ungodly fucked if it gets hit by a rock move so it focuses on dodging while shellos launches water pulses

-irida and i truly get a lifetime amount of cardio in

-EVENTUALLY WE WIN

-kleavor explodes with light and then hes back to normal yayyy yippeeeeeee

-we have a conversation. He couldnt talk when he was frenzied because that would have been weird ok just trust me on this

-he gives me the bug plate. It feels like bugs. Thats going in the bag forever thanks though

-well i am actively bleeding and drifblim got blasted but nobody died. Lets go home👍

-report back to commander kamado as mission success and then i immediately get sent to the medical wing bc oh my god nyarla your fucking arm dude (im ok) (its just bleeding a lot) (blood loss is a real problem be careful kids)

-i get patched up and then sent home because im not allowed to spend the night in the medical wing of the headquarters when i have an overprotective neon green jolteon who is fully willing to explode someones heart with electricity if she thinks theyre a threat

-thanks skylark. I love you too

-at least i know that when i get kicked out of jubilife and go face down volo i will have a beautiful dragon woman in the shape of a dog that cannot be stopped by beast, man or god

-at this point i remember the space-time distortions and that i can find jhoto sneasels in the fieldlands if theres a distortion

-WE HAVE TO GET A WEAVILE AT ALL COSTS. JAX MUST BE REAL

-oh i should nickname my pokemon. Skylark was a person so she doesnt count

-fall asleep trying to come up with names for drifblim and shellos

DAY FIVE

-wake up

-were all the nobles like… frenzied at once. Or does it happen one after the other. Literally i dont remember i feel like it was all at once other than arcanine

-while getting ready i drop my bag and my pokeballs fall out

-hm. Those two are modern pokeballs arent they.

-hold the fuck on

-Friend Ball is obviously skylarks. 

-Cherish Ball. hm. I know exactly whos in there dont i

-ZORA YOU FUCKER YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!

-AND YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING?????????

-zora brings up the very valid point that me walking around with a fucking alpha zoroark would not have been any less suspicious than if skylark had shown up as a garchomp

-thats fair.

-but also i absolutely for sure know you just didnt feel like helping.

-zora smiles