#weekend shift has no support so we run ourselves

[smartichokes]

camt sleep woke up wirh horrible throat pain ughhhhhhhj

[poppysmc]

Deconstructed: Chapter 7

The painting has driven Morgan crazy these past few days. She can't quite get it. The watercolour is challenging to work with… yet something about the colours, the transparency, the layers, the softness and the brush strokes attracted her. Morgan sighed. It was morning once again, and I barely got a wink of sleep. 

This woman has taken over her thoughts. May it be her dreams and waking moments. Morgan busies herself with tidying up her things. Nothing is worse than a stiff brush; what a waste of money.

Morgan was exhausted. These past few days have been hectic. She had just finished her plates and had been running on 5 mugs of coffee that night. She may or may not have drunk the watercolour water once or twice…again. Tastes strangely of something savoury. It made her stomach churn unpleasantly. 

Morgan takes the quickest shower of her life. It's too early to let Steve lecture her on punctuality. She can only take so much before she explodes. Morgan quickly looks around, smiling softly at her half-finished painting. Oil would be nice, too. Maybe next paycheck.

It was past morning rush in the cafe, and Morgan sulked. Her gaze fixed steadily on the door, hoping the woman would come in again. This time, she would really ask for her name. But she did not come. 

Sam patted her on the back. "I am beginning to think this woman is a figment of your imagination." Sam teased. Morgan's eyes have been fixed on the door for the past few hours. Willing someone to come in.

Morgan lets out a deep sigh, forcing herself to turn away from the door. "It's not that- I… I'm just checking if the lunch hour is over."

Sam smiled at her knowingly. "I know you. You've been talking my ear off about this woman."

Morgan sighed. "I can't believe I didn't get her name."

Sam chuckled.

As soon as her shift ended, Morgan quickly changed out of her uniform and waved to Sam as she exited the coffee shop. She must arrive on time, not when it's free seating. She should get her spot in her Anthro class. 

Morgan frowned at the contents of the letter. Poppy seemed so sad, and Morgan wished she could reach out and comfort her, but the best she could do was write a flimsy letter.

To the mysterious Poppy, keeper of my sketchbook.

Lately, you've been down. I want to know how to cheer you up. How can I help? Sometimes, we cannot help but put ourselves on a pedestal. I cannot pretend to know what you're facing, Poppy. I can only offer my support. I want you to know that someone out here is rooting for you. 

I have barely gotten enough sleep these days. Between school and work, I barely have enough time to complete what has consumed my thoughts for the past few days. That is to say, you also consume my thoughts. Your letters are something I look forward to. 

So… What's your favourite colour? I realize… You've told me a lot, but I do not know the simplest things about you. I hope you don't mind. 

PS I attached a drawing of my cat to cheer you up. I do miss him despite him being a spawn of hell.

- Morgan

Morgan attached a quick drawing of her cat, the orange devil, back on the farm. She folds the letter over and slips it inside the desk compartment. It's such a pity that the weekend has ended, and now she has to focus in class. No time at all this week to focus on the drawing she's making. 

Morgan stood up after class and approached her professor. "Hey, Ms Kingsley. Do you know who sits on my desk in your other classes? Poppy?"

Kingsley looked at her. "I don't have a Poppy in my class. Not that I remember." Kingsley smiled apologetically.

Morgan chuckled at Poppy's audacity, using a fake name. But she'd let her. After all, this is an innocent letter exchange. It was fun having someone to talk to. Someone who cannot judge her at first sight.

She found herself looking forward to Anthro class. Early as can be sitting in her seat, just to swipe her hand under the desk and light up at Poppy's letter. Morgan hoped no one noticed how she smiled when she read the letter.

Morgan shakes her head. Shaking off the thoughts of the woman on the other side of the letters. What was she like? 

Dearest Artist, Morgan,

There is a hole in my heart that could never be filled. I'm sorry to burden you with my personal feelings. But as such… are the burdens of an only child. Just your letters are enough to brighten up my day… So thank you for not being tired of me yet.

Colour… What an interesting question. You could have asked about anything, but you chose this super hard one, heh. 

I couldn't live without pink. I can imagine you rolling your eyes at the girliness of the colour, but it calms me. It reminds me of sunsets when the sky is coloured pink and blue. Always reminds me of good times when I was free to play under the sun.

Your cat is adorable. I cannot accept that this angelic-looking creature would be equated to a devil you so warmly call it. Thank you, though; it made me smile. I love animals as well… I used to dream of owning my own shelter one day. This is what I hope won't be an unrealized passion of mine. I am determined to make it come true.

It's only fair to ask you a question as well. What's your favourite song?

Poppy

Morgan smiled when she got the letter. Morgan smoothed over the paper and put it in her bag. Morgan couldn't help but conjure an image of who this Poppy is. Morgan is sure she isn't like the spoiled and arrogant kids in Belvoire well as much as she's seen.

Ms Kingsley's research was fascinating. A hierarchy in school is a recipe for disaster, but. She digress. She hoped Poppy was unlike the entitled kids in Belvoir. She seemed kind.

Dearest Poppy,

I am sorry to hear that… I wish in whatever capacity I can bridge the gap in your heart. I, too, have grown fond of our exchanges. I hope you don't get tired of me. Your letters have become an integral part of my day. Dare I say the most exciting part of it. You can always tell me anything that burdens you. People say I'm a good listener. Well… reader in your case.

I won't judge your favourite colour! You got me wrong on that one. It's nice that you love the sunset. I myself am a lover of the sunrise. I love the blues in the sky as it grows brighter. I am ashamed to say that I stare at it for too long as the blues become lighter, and I also become late for class on maybe one or two or… a lot of occasions. I can imagine you as an animal lover… well, you're kind enough to write back to a complete stranger. I wouldn't assume otherwise.

Favourite song, huh? So you want to get to know me really deeply, haha. Right now, it's "You make loving fun." Something about it is that I can feel the magic. I've never been in love, but I can imagine…. I've seen the movies and heard the songs… By far, it's my favourite way to describe what love is supposed to feel like.

For my next question, what is your favourite drink? I bet I can make it. I am awesome that way.

With endless fascination,

Morgan

Poppy smiled at the neat way Morgan wrote her letters. It starts off stiff, then becomes loopy as Morgan is excited to write something. She must admit, there is a growing pile of letters and sketches in one of her drawers. Poppy's eyes softened at the song. She'll for sure find the song and listen to it later. Poppy quickly pockets the letter as her friends approached, not wanting to be in the middle of another teasing session.

Veronica raised her eyebrows at the way Poppy pocketed something so fast. She did not comment and just handed her her drink from one of the coffee shops near campus, "Pour Decisions." Their signature drink that Poppy loved. They said some alumni made it when they were working there, and that's become the signature drink since then.

It's a witty name and nice coffee. Poppy only came in once or twice since she came to Belvoire. She couldn't find herself coming in when the barista she wished to see wasn't there. The barista never seems to be there. Poppy couldn't believe she didn't get her name.

[crackednailsandsplitends]

Navigating Life with MECFS: How Chronic Illness Altered Our Family Walks

How My Chronic Illness Transformed Our Family Dog Walks

Living with a chronic illness, such as ME/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and chronic pain, has impacted every aspect of my life, even something as seemingly simple as our weekend family walks with our beloved dogs. Our once carefree long strolls, time with our children, and upbeat walks with our furry babies have now turned into slow, laborious, and much shorter walks with the support of my crutches (and lots of stops). My chronic illness has brought about a significant change in our physical routines and how we spend our valuable family time together.

Gone are the days of embarking on long, arduous hikes through the picturesque countryside, serene beaches, or the majestic woods. With my crutches becoming an extension of my determination our walks have now evolved into shorter, more leisurely strolls that accommodate to my long-term health conditions. Initially, I felt a sense of loss and disappointment as I missed our more vigorous and exciting expeditions. However, with time, I have come to appreciate these gentle walks for the unique and invaluable experiences they provide. They offer us a chance to relish in each other's company and marvel at the breathtaking beauty of our surroundings.

Our dog walks are no longer about covering long distances or conquering difficult terrain. These days, they are more about being present, making a connection, and practising mindfulness. We move at a pace that my body allows, with the help of my crutches, which lets me enjoy the beauty of the outdoors without pushing myself beyond my limits.

Despite the adjustments we've had to make, our dogs have adapted wonderfully to our new walking routine. They seem to understand and appreciate the more leisurely pace, soaking up the scents and sounds of our surroundings with a newfound sense of curiosity and calm. They get to smell more smells, or we choose locations where we can let them off the lead, where they can run and fetch.

These walks have become a precious ritual for our family, a time to unplug from the demands of daily life and immerse ourselves in the simple joy of being together in nature. While my chronic illness has undeniably changed the way we experience these moments, it has also deepened our connection and taught us the value of embracing each walk, no matter how short or slow, as a cherished opportunity to bond and find peace amidst life's challenges.

As we continue to navigate the fluctuations of my health conditions, I am grateful for the way our family dog walks have evolved. They serve as a gentle reminder that even in the face of adversity, there is always room to find beauty, connection, and joy.

So, to all those who may be facing similar shifts in their lives due to chronic illness, know that it is okay to adapt and find new ways of appreciating the world around you. Sometimes, in the midst of change and limitations, we discover a profound sense of gratitude and love that transcends the physical act of walking itself.

About me

I am a married mother of four children, in my mid 40's. I run a small business and enjoy writing, which is why I blog. My blog focuses on my experiences of living with chronic illnesses and disabilities such as ME/CFS, spinal stenosis, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia.

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

351: 8 Strategies for Curating a Spring Capsule Wardrobe That Sings without the Excess

Gabriel. No last name needed, but he doesn't have one if he did, interestingly enough. I'm talking about Gabriel of Emily in Paris fame. Played by Lucas Bravo, Gabriel is the inspiration for today's post/episode because his clothes don't do the talking unlike the rest of the fashion-clad cast, but they definitely don't hinder his appeal.

In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, Ashley Ogawa Clarke spotlights the character's no-excess capsule wardrobe that works to a "T" while he works as an up-and-coming chef in one of the most highly fashionable cities in the world. Sharing that "costume designer Marylin Fitoussi wanted to telegraph that he’s 'more focused on cooking rather than always thinking, How do I look?’" In other words, allowing the clothes support the life he lives, showcase, but not hog the stage.

This observation immediately caught my attention as I have found myself shifting when it comes to my own clothing: not away from caring what I choose to wear, but as I become more confident and focused on running TSLL well, choosing a wardrobe that is simple, yet stylish, requires less thought, but looks smart and yet effortless.

With the release of TSLL's Annual Spring Shopping Guide arriving soon (March 1st), today's episode/post will share ideas for preparing ourselves for how to be savvy shoppers with clarity about what a Capsule Wardrobe entails without the Excess. To follow Albert Einstein's advice, although I doubt he was referring to wardrobe shopping, "Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.”

Let's take a look at how to simplify to amplify as we invest in key items for our Spring Capsule Wardrobe:

1.Love a cut/style/length? Buy it in multiples, but in different colors

This piece of advice is well-known, but something that Gabriel demonstrates well, but that is not often advised is that the colors for the same style are different. Decide to become a student of your skin's undertones as well as what complements your hair color, and purchase different colors in that same style - a shirt, a pair of pants, a skirt, a dress, a jacket, etc. - that works well with your silhouette, lifestyle and personal taste.

2. Denim just works, so invest in it, buy multiples of the exact same pair, then alter

Something that was suggested in the article mentioned above is this idea. When you find a pair of jeans that just work - they are high quality, the wash is spot-on, the waist-height is ideal and the fit remains constant (in other words, not too much stretch) - buy multiple pairs, and then based on the different shoes you wear your jeans with, have certain pairs altered to work well with that particular pair of jeans, so that while the same jean, each has a slightly different look and adds that extra polish from the tailoring.

For example, you may want an ankle hemline for the summer and spring when you wear with flats or heels, but a longer hem for wearing with booties in the fall and winter.

3. Find a jacket or blazer that you love and don't stray (buy multiples, in different colors)

For me, it is an oversized blazer that I will be hunting down this spring, and in multiples. They may not each be from the same brand, but the style an cut will be the same. The idea here is that you know what complements your style, what works for your lifestyle, so why stray? Just change up the color, change up the fabric to either dress up or down, and go do what you do and pay no mind to what you are wearing (because you look and feel great).

4. Switch up materials

Speaking of switching up the fabric . . . keeping it simple without the excess means you apply what you know and you don't add the fluff. A simple slub tee under an oversized blazer with ankle hemmed denim. Done and looking great. Throw your crossbody bag over your shoulder and get about your business. Come the weekend or an evening out, change the denim jeans to crepe pants with the same length and finish, maybe even still a dark navy, similar to your jeans. The blazer and tee still work, but you've punched it up a bit.

5. Find your pop of color and home in on that and nothing else (except neutrals)

Something I wrote about in this post last year more generally is knowing what colors work for you and to forget the rest. Keeping in mind that the colors you come up with work with each other, and so to drill down a bit more specifically, stick to neutrals all except one color. And select this lone star color to be a color that complements you without fail. My one color is a cool pink - not pastel, not fuchsia, not maroon - but a cool undertone pink. No other color makes an appearance in my closet as I have learned through past purchases that other colors just don't work for me as well as I thought they might when I viewed them in the store or online. Paired with my neutrals of cream, navy, denim, and camel, that is just about all I wear, and almost everything can mix and match.

This may sound boring, but there is no reason for me to attempt to dress like a style influencer or like Emily in Paris or Carrie Bradshaw. I adore each of their courageous ensembles and they look AMAZING, but what I gain from watching them is ideas of what types of items can go together, and then I return to my color palette and rest assured that what I end up purchasing will work with what I already have.

Finding Your Personal Style and Why It Will Free you From Worrying About Seasonal Trends and Others' Opinions about What You Wear

6. Stick to the basics for types of clothing and avoid the trends

To relieve any confusion and fret about what to buy each season, walk away from worrying about trying to figure out the trends, and instead return to the basics - basic tees, oversized button-up shirts, blazers, A-line skirts or wrap dresses, knee-high boots, flats - ballet or loafers, blazers, etc. - and within those basics, become the student of yourself and know the answer to the following question: What flatters me? Necklines, hem lengths, sleeve lengths, heel height, waist height, etc.

The simplifying of the process makes the decision-making easier, the selection streamlined and therefore you can narrow down what is available for you to choose from without draining your energy flipping/scrolling through item after item after item which is ultimately how frustration builds up - we see more of what we don't want than what we do. When the opposite begins to happen because you have edited out what wouldn't be best for your wardrobe, you feel as though you have ample options and the shopping begins to become more enjoyable.

7. Keep your shoe options to four, with variations

Part of the stress of dressing well is often having the shoe we need, so let's simplify that as well. Make sure you have these four types of shoes in your closet, and make sure they are investment - high quality and fit well. (1) a trainer or a sneaker that fits what you need - not too wide, the best material for your lifestyle (canvas or leather, etc.), and a color that will work with your outfits. (2) a pump or heel to your choosing for dress and work - choose the height that flatters your leg and is comfortable to wear in a color (or colors) that work with your wardrobe. (3) a boot - ankle or knee high, determine the heel height for your lifestyle. And (4) a flat of your preference - pointed toe or slightly rounded, a loafer, etc.

Begin with ensuring you have one of each, a quality pair of each and then build on that as you discover what will complement your wardrobe.

8. Make selecting quality over quantity your modus operandi

At the core of living simply luxuriously is to live a life of quality over quantity in all arenas of our life, and so with our capsule wardrobe, as I have shared many times before, choose quality items. Even if you can only buy one this season, instead of the handful you would prefer, that one, if made well, fits you smashingly and complements your awesomeness is worth the price. Keeping in mind the rule of investment - cost per wear, and let that long-term benefit ease your mind. From boots, to coats, to sweaters and dresses, blazers and camisoles, when I purchase a quality item, it continues to be worn year after year, for years to come. I wrote a detailed post on my first purchase (and only thus far) of a Burberry trench, and while I waited for years to be able to purchase it, it is still in fantastic shape now six years later and it is worn constantly during the spring and fall months.

Again and again and again, with advice shared in fashion magazines and even in Masterclass by fashion experts, the advice shared for keeping your wardrobe simple, but stylish is to, yep, you guessed it - choose quality over quantity. Ultimately, what you're doing when it comes to creating a capsule wardrobe that sings but without the excess is investing in multiple versions of the uniform you look your best in and that complements the life you love living.

With all of that said, look for TSLL's Spring Shopping Guide to be available on the blog on Wednesday March 1st where I will shop more than 70 items that are available in the new spring collections and items worth investing in so you will have and wear them for years to come. Ranging from low-mid (J.Crew, Madewell) to mid-range luxury (Theory, Vince, L.K. Bennett, etc.) to a few luxury finds (Net-a-Porter designers for example). As always, you can peruse TSLL's Boutique/Shop where I have shopped and keep updated timeless items for all seasons. On that page - find it in the drop-down menu under SHOP - Capsule Wardrobe - you will also see the past Spring and Fall Shopping Guides shared most recently on the blog.

SIMILAR POST/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENOY

Effortless Style —Capsule Wardrobe Details to Include

The New Year and An Approach to Style That Works, even in Tough Economic Times (2023)

What I Wore during My Recent Trip to Paris & England — 6 Outfits for Spring (2022)

Petit Plaisir

~The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

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[continuations]

The World After Capital in 64 Theses

Over the weekend I tweeted out a summary of my book The World After Capital in 64 theses. Here they are in one place:

The Industrial Age is 20+ years past its expiration date, following a long decline that started in the 1970s.

Mainstream politicians have propped up the Industrial Age through incremental reforms that are simply pushing out the inevitable collapse.

The lack of a positive vision for what comes after the Industrial Age has created a narrative vacuum exploited by nihilist forces such as Trump and ISIS.

The failure to enact radical changes is based on vastly underestimating the importance of digital technology, which is not simply another set of Industrial Age machines.

Digital technology has two unique characteristics not found in any prior human technology: zero marginal cost and universality of computation.

Our existing approaches to regulation of markets, dissemination of information, education and more are based on the no longer valid assumption of positive marginal cost.

Our beliefs about the role of labor in production and work as a source of purpose are incompatible with the ability of computers to carry out ever more sophisticated computations (and to do so ultimately at zero marginal cost).

Digital technology represents as profound a shift in human capabilities as the invention of agriculture and the discovery of science, each of which resulted in a new age for humanity.

The two prior transitions, from the Forager Age to the Agrarian Age and from the Agrarian Age to the Industrial Age resulted in humanity changing almost everything about how individuals live and societies function, including changes in religion.

Inventing the next age, will require nothing short of changing everything yet again.

We can, if we make the right choices now, set ourselves on a path to the Knowledge Age which will allow humanity to overcome the climate crisis and to broadly enjoy the benefits of automation.

Choosing a path into the future requires understanding the nature of the transition we are facing and coming to terms with what it means to be human.

New technology enlarges the “space of the possible,” which then contains both good and bad outcomes. This has been true starting from the earliest human technology: fire can be used to cook and heat, but also to wage war.

Technological breakthroughs shift the binding constraint. For foraging tribes it was food. For agrarian societies it was arable land. Industrial countries were constrained by how much physical capital (machines, factories, railroads, etc.) they could produce.

Today humanity is no longer constrained by capital, but by attention.

We are facing a crisis of attention. We are not paying enough attention to profound challenges, such as “what is our purpose?” and “how do we overcome the climate crisis?”

Attention is to time as velocity is to speed: attention is what we direct our minds to during a time period. We cannot go back and change what we paid attention to. If we are poorly prepared for a crisis it is because of how we have allocated our attention in the past.

We have enough capital to meet our individual and collective needs, as long as we are clear about the difference between needs and wants.

Our needs can be met despite the population explosion because of the amazing technological progress we have made and because population growth is slowing down everywhere with peak population in sight.

Industrial Age society, however, has intentionally led us down a path of confusing our unlimited wants with our modest needs, as well as specific solutions (e.g. individually owned cars) with needs (e.g. transportation).

The confusion of wants with needs keeps much of our attention trapped in the “job loop”: we work so that we can buy goods and services, which are produced by other people also working.

The job loop was once beneficial, when combined with markets and entrepreneurship, it resulted in much of the innovation that we now take for granted.

Now, however, we can and should apply as much automation as we can muster to free human attention from the “job loop” so that it can participate in the “knowledge loop” instead: learn, create, and share.

Digital technology can be used to vastly accelerate the knowledge loop, as can be seen from early successes, such as Wikipedia and open access scientific publications.

Much of digital technology is being used to hog human attention into systems such as Facebook, Twitter and others that engage in the business of reselling attention,  commonly known as advertising. Most of what is advertised is  furthering wants and reinforces the job loop.

The success of market-based capitalism is that capital is no longer our binding constraint. But markets cannot be used for allocating attention due to missing prices.

Prices do not and cannot exist for what we most need to pay attention to. Price formation requires supply and demand, which don't exist for finding purpose in life, overcoming the climate crisis, conducting fundamental research, or engineering an asteroid defense.

We must use the capabilities of digital technology so that we can freely allocate human attention.

We can do so by enhancing economic, information, and psychological freedom.

Economic freedom means allowing people to opt out of the job loop by providing them with a universal basic income (UBI).

Informational freedom means empowering people to control computation and thus information access, creation and sharing.

Psychological freedom means developing mindfulness practices that allow people to direct their attention in the face of a myriad distractions.

UBI is affordable today exactly because we have digital technology that allows us to drive down the cost of producing goods and services through automation.

UBI is the cornerstone of a new social contract for the Knowledge Age, much as pensions and health insurance were for the Industrial Age.

Paid jobs are not a source of purpose for humans in and of themselves. Doing something meaningful is. We will never run out of meaningful things to do.

We need one global internet without artificial geographic boundaries or fast and slow lanes for different types of content.

Copyright and patent laws must be curtailed to facilitate easier creation and sharing of derivative works.

Large systems such as Facebook, Amazon, Google, etc. must be mandated to be fully programmable to diminish their power and permit innovation to take place on top of the capabilities they have created.

In the longrun privacy is incompatible with technological progress. Providing strong privacy assurances can only be accomplished via controlled computation. Innovation will always grow our ability to destroy faster than our ability to build due to entropy.

We must put more effort into protecting individuals from what can happen to them if their data winds up leaked, rather than trying to protect the data at the expense of innovation and transparency.

Our brains evolved in an environment where seeing a cat meant there was a cat. Now the internet can show us an infinity of cats. We can thus be forever distracted.

It is easier for us to form snap judgments and have quick emotional reactions than to engage our critical thinking facilities.

Our attention is readily hijacked by systems designed to exploit these evolutionarily engrained features of our brains.

We can use mindfulness practices, such as conscious breathing or meditation to take back and maintain control of our attention.

As we increase economic, informational and psychological freedom, we also require values that guide our actions and the allocation of our attention.

We should embrace a renewed humanism as the source of our values.

There is an objective basis for humanism. Only humans have developed knowledge in the form of books and works of art that transcend both time and space.

Knowledge is the source of humanity’s great power. And with great power comes great responsibility.

Humans need to support each other in solidarity, irrespective of such differences as gender, race or nationality.

We are all unique, and we should celebrate these differences. They are beautiful and an integral part of our humanity.

Because only humans have the power of knowledge, we are responsible for other species. For example, we are responsible for whales, rather than the other way round.

When we see something that could be improved, we need to have the ability to express that. Individuals, companies and societies that do not allow criticism become stagnant and will ultimately fail.

Beyond criticism, the major mode for improvement is to create new ideas, products and art. Without ongoing innovation, systems become stagnant and start to decay.

We need to believe that problems can be solved, that progress can be achieved. Without optimism we will stop trying, and problems like the climate crisis will go unsolved threatening human extinction.

If we succeed with the transition to the Knowledge Age, we can tackle extraordinary opportunities ahead for humanity, such as restoring wildlife habitats here on earth and exploring space.

We can and should each contribute to leaving the Industrial Age behind and bringing about the Knowledge Age.

We start by developing our own mindfulness practice and helping others do so.

We tackle the climate crisis through activism demanding government regulation, through research into new solutions, and through entrepreneurship deploying working technologies.

We defend democracy from attempts to push towards authoritarian forms of government.

We foster decentralization through supporting localism, building up mutual aid, participating in decentralized systems (crypto and otherwise).

We promote humanism and live in accordance with humanist values.

We recognize that we are on the threshold of both transhumans (augmented humans) and neohumans (robots and artificial intelligences).

We continue on our epic human journey while marveling at (and worrying about) our aloneness in the universe.

We act boldly and with urgency, because humanity’s future depends on a successful transition to the Knowledge Age.

[nerdzzone]

Only For A Moment: October + November [part one]

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: September

Note: I was originally going to post this as one longer one shot, but I’ve split it into two. I haven’t finished writing the last part of the series yet and I’ve had a really bad and busy week so I haven’t had much time to work on it. It’s planned out, I just need to write it, but posting November as two parts gives me more time to finish it.

Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this story. The support has been amazing!

-----

October 2020

"Hey," I greeted Chris as I poked my head around the door of his office. "Are you busy? Can I talk to you for a sec?"

He put down the script he was reading - something for a project he'd be starting as soon as the pandemic allowed - and nodded his head.

"Sure, what's up?"

I moved into the room, feeling strangely nervous about what I was about to ask.

"How would you feel," I started. "About me going to New York for a weekend for work?"

He raised his eyebrows, seemingly surprised by my inquiry and I rushed to assure him a bit more.

"They sent all the protocols that would be followed along with the job offer and it seems like it would be as safe as it possibly could be these days and I would drive up, not fly, so that would cut down on the chance of exposure a bit too," I assured him. "But I know that there's always a risk at the moment and it affects you and Gray too so I won't go if you're at all concerned."

Chris was smiling by the time I finished my long explanation and I felt a glimmer of hope that he wouldn't shoot down the idea immediately. I missed working and while Chris at least had 'A Starting Point' to focus on and various scripts to read through, I'd been completely out of work for months and I was ready to get back into it.

"Whitney, you don't need to convince me," he assured me. "I trust you. If you think it's safe and you want to do it then go for it."

"Okay, thank you," I let out a breath of relief. "I really do want to do it. I miss working."

"I know what you mean," he agreed. "What's the project?"

I couldn't hold back my grin as I answered that question.

"I get to go hang out with your friends," I informed him. "It's a promo shoot for Sebastian and Mackie's new show."

"Aw, man! That's great," Chris laughed. "Would you mind if I tagged along? I won't get in the way, I'll stay out of the photo shoot, but it would be nice to have a change of scenery."

"You wouldn't be allowed to come to the photo shoot at all," I warned him. "That was part of the protocol - no guests - and I don't know how many places are open there right now, there might not be much for you to do."

"I can keep myself entertained," he shrugged before flashing me a smirk. "We can leave Grayson with my mom, it'll be nice to have an adults only weekend."

"That would be nice," I agreed, matching his smirk as I followed his train of thought. We did fairly well making sure we got some quality time together, but we had to be quiet and quick and we always had the threat of Grayson interrupting in the back of our minds. "It's just a one day shoot so we'd have the Sunday together too."

"That's great," Chris grinned. "It'll be nice to get away."

"It will," I agreed, walking around his desk to lean down and capture his lips in a kiss. "Our first romantic getaway."

He slid his arm around my hips to keep me close as he smiled up at me.

"I can't wait."

-

November 2020

Leaving Grayson was harder than I anticipated. Considering I used to leave him with Chris every other week, I thought leaving him for a weekend would be easy, but I was a weepy mess. I held it together in front of Grayson so that he didn't get upset too - even though he was completely unbothered as he skipped off into Lisa's house - but once we got in the car, I let a few tears slip.

Of course, Chris teased me about it, but there was something in the way that he slipped his hand in mine and squeezed it reassuringly that told me he was feeling it too. We’d all adjusted to our new normal and Chris and I had really embraced having Gray by our side all the time so while two days was not a ridiculous amount of time to be apart, it felt like a momentous occasion. However, after giving ourselves a few minutes to wallow in the sadness, we agreed to do our best to push those feelings aside. We deserved a weekend away. No matter how much we loved him, parenting twenty-four/seven for almost ten months was hard work especially while trying to build our new relationship.

By the time we arrived in Manhattan in the early evening, our melancholy mood had shifted. The drive, spent playing silly little car games like ‘I Spy’ and singing cheesy duets, had put us in a wonderful mood and kicked off our weekend nicely. It was a fairly long drive though so I let Chris check in while I scampered off to use the restroom in the lobby. He had the keys by the time I found him again and when we got up the room, I was shocked. It was a fancy hotel - Marvel did tend to be quite generous when it came to accommodations - but it wasn't until we walked into the room that I realized we had the penthouse suite.

"Holy shit," I gasped, looking around at the luxurious space and amazing view out over Central Park. "This has to be a mistake, there's no way Marvel would pay for this!"

"No, they wouldn't," Chris smirked as he dropped our bags and moved over to the bottle of champagne that was already chilling in an ice bucket. "But I would."

"What?" I giggled. "What are you talking about? We already had a reservation booked in my name."

"Yeah, and I upgraded it," he grinned. "I just paid the difference between the room Marvel booked and this one."

He popped the champagne and poured it for us before coming to join me at the window and handing me a glass.

"You didn't have to do that, Chris. This is a pretty nice hotel, I'm sure whatever room they booked would have been fine."

"Oh yeah, it would have been fine," he shrugged. "But fine isn't what I'm aiming for this weekend and since we can't do much outside of this hotel anyway, the least I can do is make sure we have a good room."

I was looking forward to getting back to work, but suddenly I wished that I didn't have to as the idea of a romantic weekend hidden away in our gorgeous suite seemed like the best thing in the world. But, I knew we wouldn't have come without an excuse, so I tried to focus on being grateful for the time that we did have together.

Slipping my arm around his waist and stretching up on my toes, I pulled him in for a kiss, trying to convey my gratitude and excitement for the weekend.

"Well, I can think of several things we can do in this room that will keep us very busy," I teased once our lips parted again. "We better get started now or we might run out of time..."

Chris chuckled as he took a sip of his champagne, but shook his head.

"Not yet, Winnie," he denied me, despite his raspy voice. "Why don't you take that champagne and run yourself a nice bath while I order us some room service?"

I felt a frown slide onto my face and I would have been embarrassed at my childish pout had I not been so confused about him turning me down.

"Why?" I asked. "I would have thought you'd be raring to go now that we can finally enjoy ourselves with no interruptions..."

"I am but I want to enjoy it,” Chris informed me, leaning down to nip at my neck before letting his lips hover next to my ear. "I want you relaxed and well-fed so I can take my time while I make you scream my name over and over and over."

His low voice sent shivers down my spine as his plan for the night sent a wave of arousal through me. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my brain forgot how to make words as I choked out an 'okay' and took myself off to the bathroom to do as he'd instructed.

-

When I wandered out into the living room area of our suite almost forty-five minutes later, I was thoroughly relaxed. Wrapped in a very fluffy white bathrobe that was at least two sizes too big for me, I announced my entrance with a contented sigh. Chris looked up at the sound and let out a laugh.

"What?" I giggled, striking a pose as I had a good idea what he found amusing. "They only had one size."

"You look adorable," he grinned at me. "C'mere, let me top up your drink."

I did as he asked, walking over to where he was sitting and noticed the cart full of food that was next to him. He'd ordered my favourite - mac 'n' cheese - and I felt a rush of love for him when I saw it. A lot of people had teased me over the years, insisting that it was more of a child's dish - something not refined enough for an adult’s palate - but it had always been one of my top choices and I was touched that he'd remembered.

He'd ordered a steak for himself and we both eagerly tucked into our meals, eating until we were almost painfully full and just barely saving enough room for the peanut butter cheesecake that he'd ordered for dessert. That was another favourite of mine and I got a stern warning from Chris - as I moaned through every mouthful - that I needed to control myself until we'd had a chance to digest our large meal. I bit back a smirk, almost tempted to continue my noises of pleasure just to antagonize him, but I reluctantly decided to behave.

After we ate, we curled up on the couch with something meaningless on the TV as we recovered from the large meal. We were half-watching it, half just basking in the contentment of our full stomachs until Chris eventually decided that we'd waited long enough.

My feet were draped over his lap as we lounged and I felt his hands slowly move from lazy stroking the tops of my feet to higher up my ankle. At first, I didn't pay much attention as I mindlessly scrolled through my phone, but as his hand trailed higher up my leg, his intentions became more clear. I fought to keep a straight face as I continued to ignore him even as his hand slid up to my knee. He kept it there for a few moments, rubbing his thumb against my skin, but he quickly lost his patience as I continued playing it cool. Letting out a soft growl, he returned his hands to my feet and with a swift tug, he moved me down the couch.

"Chris!" I giggled as my head slipped from the arm of the couch onto the cushion where my bum had been moments before. "What are you doing?"

"You were ignoring me," he smirked. "So, I took matters into my own hands."

"Maybe I was reading something important," I teased. "You're so rude."

He pulled again, moving my hips up onto his lap.

"I'm rude? We're on a romantic getaway and you're starin’ at your phone."

"Well, maybe you weren't being very interesting."

He chuckled at that, but shook his head.

"You're such a brat," he scolded. "Maybe I should just flip you over and teach you a lesson."

He moved a hand down and pinched my bum to emphasize his point and I gasped as a wave of intrigue flooded through me. Using the back of the couch for leverage, I pulled myself up until I was sitting on his lap, but the positioning was a bit awkward so I shifted and straddled him instead.

"I'm not sure if a spanking from you would be much of a punishment..."

My words made his eyes darken as his hands rubbed up and down my thighs.

"Oh, really?" He questioned and I nodded with a smile. "Well, that is very interesting information to have."

"I'm surprised you haven't brought it up before," I teased. "Since you're such an ass man."

"Shut up," Chris chuckled before forcing me to do so by pressing my lips against his.

It started off as a sweet, playful kiss, but the mood of anticipation between us quickly transitioned it into something more.

His hands moved from my thighs up to my hips as I let mine slide behind him - one rubbing the soft hairs on his neck as the other held the back of his head, keeping it firmly against my own. Our lips parted, letting our tongues bump and glide against each other and I felt a fire started to burn inside of me already.

Our position and the fact that I was wearing nothing, but a bathrobe meant that there was nothing between us other than Chris' jeans. I was pressed bare against him which became apparent when he used his firm grip to pull me even closer towards him. A gasp fell from my lips at the friction the denim caused and Chris pulled back to grin at me.

"Does that feel good?" He pressed my hips forward again as he asked the question and my eyes fluttered shut as I nodded. "Then keep going."

He titled his chin to capture my lips in another kiss as he loosened his grip on me, but his instructions had been clear. Taking matters into my own hands, I started rocking my hips slowly against his enjoying the sparks I felt every time I rubbed against him. I could feel him harden, the bulge underneath me growing bigger with every pass of my hips, and the feeling had me moaning into his mouth. I almost stood up - I almost pulled myself off of his lap and dragged him to the bedroom as my body craved him and wanted him inside me - but I remembered what he'd said. He wanted to wait, to take it slow and savour the experience so, with a smirk to myself, I continued my actions with the knowledge of his growing arousal only adding to my pleasure.

As if Chris could read my mind or feel my misguided sense of control, he tightened his grip again and pressed me even harder against him. I moaned at the sensation, pulling my mouth from his as my head fell backwards. I tried to find something to focus on, something to help me regain a morsel of self-control, but nothing in the room could distract from the pressure that was building quickly as the rough material dragged against my clit. A part of me was embarrassed to be rubbing myself against him like this, but with each thrust of my hips, a much bigger part of me grew too desperate to care.

Taking advantage of my exposed neck, Chris latched his lips onto the skin, nipping and sucking gently before tracing kisses up until his mouth was beside my ear.

"You're almost there, aren't you?" His voice was low and the way my fingers dug into the back of his neck was all the answer I could muster as his hands forced my body to keep up the steady rhythm. "I bet you're almost soakin’ right through my pants. You're so needy. Go on, Winnie, take what you want."

A whimper fell from my lips as his words sent shivers down my spine. My movements, supported by his hands, became even more frantic as I felt my release building to a peak and after a few more shifts against him, I let out a strangled moan as I crashed over the edge.

Chris continued his mumbled words of encouragement as his hands continued to force me to move until I melted against him and let my head flop onto his shoulder. My breath against his neck drew goosebumps up on his skin and I placed a soft kiss on them as I fought to control my breathing.

"How're you feeling?"

I sighed softly in response to Chris' question, fighting to make my brain function enough to form words.

"Wonderful," I purred into his ear after taking a moment to compose myself. "But I'm really dying to have you inside me..."

Without another word, Chris used his grip on my hips to lift me off his lap and onto my feet. My legs felt shaky from the strength of my recent orgasm, but they held me up as I stared down at Chris, a bit stunned by the fast movement. He looked up at me for a brief moment before raising an eyebrow and nodding his head towards our bedroom.

"Do you need me to carry you?" He questioned, his tone laced with sarcasm as he clearly noticed the quiver in my legs. "Or can you walk?"

I giggled and playfully rolled my eyes, but turned towards the bedroom. Trying to regain some semblance of power in the situation, I undid the robe that was still tied around my waist and let it fall to the floor. The action left me completely naked as I walked away and I heard a growl of approval from Chris followed by the sound of him jumping to his feet behind me. I scampered off with him hot on my heels, but he caught me in his grasp when I was a few feet past our bedroom door.

He easily lifted me off the ground and I let out a squeal as he tossed me onto the bed.

"Wow," I giggled as I flopped onto my back, leaning up on my elbows to look at him. "That was a graceful landing, real sexy."

Chris smirked as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"You're always sexy," he insisted, moving to the bed and crawling over me. "I can't get enough of you."

Before I could respond, his mouth was back on mine. I smiled against his lips and took a moment to run my hands over his toned muscles, but quickly moved them down to the belt on his jeans as I was eager to get things moving. Almost immediately, he pulled away with that damn smirk still on his face.

"Not so fast," he warned. "I said we were going to take our time."

"We already did," I whined. "Please, Chris, I want you so bad."

He dipped his head and kissed along my jaw until his lips hovered by my ear.

"And you'll have me," he assured me. "Eventually."

I let out a groan of frustration, but as he trailed his kisses lower until they reached my chest, the groan became one of pleasure. A hand slid up my side until it was level with his head and while his mouth captured one nipple, his fingers pinched the other. I gasped and arched my back up towards him, desperate to be as close to him as possible.

His actions started off soft. His fingers and lips worked in a gentle, almost teasing way that had me almost ready to whine for more, but just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, he increased the pressure. His fingers pinched and tweaked one as he nipped the other and the sensation had my hips pressing up against him almost of their own volition. He chuckled as I lifted a leg to hook it over his hip, pulling him down in an attempt to find any friction as he moved to rest his chin between my breasts.

"You're so impatient," he teased. "I'm not gonna fuck you yet."

His voice was thick and rough from his own aroused state and it only made me more desperate.

"Please, Chris..." I whined. "Why not?"

Chris let his teeth graze against my skin briefly before moving further down my body, my question apparently going unanswered. He kissed his way over my stomach, an affectionate smile appearing on his face as he watched the muscles under his mouth quiver and twitch from his actions. It appeared he was intent on taking his sweet time and I really was about to start begging again when he finally settled between my thighs, pulling my legs to rest over his shoulders.

A snarky comment about him taking so long was on the tip of my tongue, but any attitude I was feeling disappeared as he pressed his tongue against me, licking upwards until he settled against my clit. I couldn't hold back the moans and gasps that poured from my lips from the sensation and for a moment, I worried I was being too loud. However, from the way Chris' fingers dug into my ass to lift me higher against his mouth, he seemed to find it encouraging.

He was focused and determined, his lazy mood from moments earlier seemingly gone and I wasn't complaining as I was already practically dripping on to the bed with need. He knew my body almost better than I did and the way his lips were locked on just the right spot, sucking with just the right pressure was driving me wild.

In a few mere minutes, I was already teetering on the edge, but when I gasped out a warning to Chris, he instantly pulled away.

I lifted my head as I let out a growl and scowled down at him - the cocky smirk on his face only adding to my annoyance.

"What the hell, Chris," I huffed. "Keep going!"

He kissed my thigh as I felt an almost painful ache between my legs.

"Patience, Winnie," he warned me. "You need a lesson in patience."

The overwhelming feeling I felt in response to that comment was frustration, but there was a hint of intrigue as well. I was at his mercy, being teased and toyed with until he decided otherwise and I'd be lying if that knowledge didn't turn me on even more.

"Do you-" I gasped as he blew against the wet place his mouth had been moments before. "Do you want me to beg?"

"It wouldn't hurt," he grinned. "But there is something appealing about the thought of seeing how long I can keep you like this..."

That idea filled me with dread. As enticing as my helplessness in this scenario was, the thought of it lasting more than a few minutes seemed painfully cruel.

"No, please don't," I pleaded. "Please touch me, Chris. Please, please. I need it so bad."

He groaned, letting his forehead rest against my thigh for a moment before looking up to meet my eyes.

"The way you say my name when you're like this drives me crazy."

He moved his hand to flick his thumb over my clit and his name fell from my lips again as a desperate whimper. That seemed to be all he needed to hear as he quickly attached his mouth back to that sweet spot.

Instantly, my hands shot to grip his head as mine fell back against the pillows. He held down my hips that were pushing up towards him, desperate to increase the friction, but it didn't matter. I was so close already, so worked up from his previous actions, that it took no time at all for the pressure he'd built up inside me to boil over as I finally found my release.

As always, he coaxed me through it, only moving back when he was sure my orgasm had faded. By the time it was done, my chest was heaving and Chris dragged himself off the bed, giving me a moment to catch my breath as he rid himself of his jeans and boxers. I smiled at the sight, but I was in a daze. My whole body felt like jelly from the two amazing orgasms I'd just received, but that didn't stop me from the moment of clarity that hit just as he was climbing back over me.

"Wait! Condom."

Chris cursed under his breath before hopping off the bed and quickly rifling through his bag. He found one - which I knew he would as I'd reminded him several times to pack them so we wouldn’t be caught without them in a moment like this - and returned to the bed.

"Hurry," I panted. "I need you."

A quiet growl rumbled from Chris' chest as he quickly tore open the condom wrapper and put it on. I was still sensitive from our previous activities, but as soon as he was on top of me again, I was pressing up towards him. He filled me with an almost insatiable need and it seemed his patience was also thin after being so hard for so long as he slid inside me with impressive speed.

I groaned from the sensation of him filling me so quickly, but any discomfort quickly shifted into pleasure as he rocked his hips against mine. My fingers dug into his shoulders as my legs wrapped around his waist pulling him closer as he quickly established a steady rhythm. As much as he wanted to take his time, his restraint was clearly waning as he kept up a vigorous pace. My over sensitive state and his purposefully angled thrusts, hitting all the right nerves with just the right pressure, had me writing beneath him as I basked in the sensation.

Chris was always rather vocal, but as his moans, grunts and whispers of filthy commentary grew louder and more unrestrained it became clear that he was also edging closer and closer to his peak. His hips snapped with more ferocity and all I could do was hold onto him tightly, giving him all the control and riding the waves of pleasure he was causing.

“I’m close,” he groaned, his voice strained as his breath hit my neck.

Unable to form words, I made a noise that I hoped would convey my agreement and his movements seemed to become even more pointed and more deliberate. With every thrust, he made sure to rub against every sensitive spot inside me and moments later, I felt my release hit me. It felt like every muscle in my body tensed as I quivered and clenched around him, a sound leaving my mouth that was so lustful and unrestrained that I could hardly believe it was coming from me. He gasped out a moan of his own from the sensation of me coming around him and quickened his pace through my orgasm until eventually he stilled, the sound of his pleasure echoing through my ears.

Once we had both recovered, Chris rolled off of me, pulling the condom off and disposing of it in the garbage can next to the bed before he settled on his back, chest heaving from exertion.

I let out a happy sigh as I curled into his side and his arm wrapped around me, pulling me close.

"That was amazing," I smiled, placing a kiss against his chest.

He chuckled, squeezing me even tighter as he answered.

"See? Patience. It makes everything better."

I nipped at the skin underneath my mouth.

"Shut up."

He leaned down to place a kiss on the top of my head and I smiled.

"I love you," he practically whispered in the darkness. "I'm so glad we get this weekend together."

"Me too," I agreed. "I love you too."

He squeezed me closer again as we laid there curled up in each other, basking in our post-orgasmic glow.

No one had ever made me feel the way that Chris did. I’d never felt as safe with anyone, I’d never felt so able to let my guard down, and the physical aspect of our relationship clearly benefited greatly from the closeness that we shared. It was an amazing feeling to know that we were so in tune with each other and that there was so much room to explore the things that made us feel good and, despite being fully satisfied for the time being, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to other things I would be interested in delving into as I drifted off to sleep.

-

November [part two]

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99 @mjey12

[missmentelle]

How do I know if I'm burnt out and what are signs of being burnt out? In relation to both university and work?

Unfortunately, burnout is a very common problem among both university students and people in high-stress jobs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “burnout” is effectively where people reach a breaking point after being in a high-stress occupation (like a demanding academic program or a high-pressure career) for too long. Being “burnt out” is not an official diagnosis, and you won’t find it in the ICD-11 or the DSM-V. But it’s something that an increasing number of people are experiencing every year.

Not everyone is at equal risk of experiencing burnout - many students and workers never really deal with this. Factors that put you at high risk of burnout include:

Having poor work-life balance. If you spend huge portions of your time working - working through weekends, doing tons of overtime, working late, not taking vacation, working through lunch - you are at high risk of burnout. Humans need rest, relaxation, hobbies and time with friends, and when you sacrifice those things for work, it will eventually take a toll.

Having very little control over your day-to-day tasks. No one has perfect control over their daily work tasks - not even the self-employed - but having some element of control is important. If you have a say in things like when to schedule meetings, when to book client appointments and which task you are going to work on when, you have a lower risk of burnout than someone whose tasks tend to just be dictated to them. 

Having perfectionist traits or holding yourself to very high standards. People who experience burnout tend to be overachievers. They constantly try to go above and beyond because they put immense pressure on themselves to do their best work at all times. If you’re the kind of person who beats yourself up over getting an A- instead of an A and makes a point to be the last one out of the office every day, you are at risk of burnout. 

Having a dysfunctional work or school environment. Is your workplace plagued with bullies and office gossip? Do your lab members take pleasure in ripping each other’s research and writing to shreds, without really being constructive about it? Does your boss take their bad moods out on the rest of the office, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? A dysfunctional workplace creates burned-out employees.

Having unclear instructions or directions. It is extremely difficult to be in a work environment where you are expected to do be productive, but you aren’t given clear expectations, a clear list of tasks or instructions for how those tasks should actually be performed. It leaves you constantly feeling like your work isn’t good enough and isn’t done properly, without actually giving you a route to improve; you often end up working twice as hard to get half as much done, which is a recipe for burnout. 

Working in a helping profession. Nurses, social workers, therapists, paramedics, psychologists, caregivers and caseworkers have some of the highest burnout rates of any profession. These jobs often combine long hours and low pay with incredibly stressful work environments, and burnout is a huge problem. 

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or bored of what you do. It’s a state of complete and total exhaustion. Putting more energy into your job isn’t possible when you reach that point - you have nothing left to give. “Burnout” isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is a fitting description - trying to push through burnout is like trying to re-light a candle that has already burned all the way down to the bottom. It’s just not going to happen. 

Some signs that you’ve reached the point of burnout include:

Your performance is suffering. You can’t keep going full steam ahead when you’re running on fumes. When you’re burnt out, your work performance will one of the first things that starts to slip - you may find that you are missing deadlines, forgetting things, half-assing tasks and making careless mistakes.  

You constantly feel drained. Burnout is a perpetual state of exhaustion. You’ll start to feel like you just don’t have the energy to do everything that you’re supposed to do. You’ll find that you feel tired all the time, regardless of your sleeping habits, and that just forcing yourself to do the bare minimum leaves you feeling totally depleted and unable to do much else. 

You feel disconnected and cynical toward your work. Even if you once enjoyed your work or felt passionate about it, when you’re burnt out, you become disillusioned with what you do. You may find that you’re cynical about your work, or just so apathetic that you can’t bring yourself to care about it anymore, even when you accomplish things that once mattered to you. 

You can’t concentrate. Burnout can make it difficult - if not impossible - for even the most dedicated person to focus on their tasks. You might find that you spend a lot of time just sitting in front of your computer, unable to even start tasks because you can’t focus well enough to begin something. 

You have become irritable and short-tempered. People who are burnt out have a tendency to become impatient with the people around them. When you’re running on empty, you have no energy left for social interactions. You might find that you’re snapping at coworkers or getting visibly frustrated with clients if you work in a helping profession. 

You feel anxious. Burnout is often accompanied by feelings of indistinct dread that you just can’t seem to shake. The fear and anxiety is often tied to work, and can be completely overwhelming. 

You can’t sleep. Ironically, people with burnout often have a hard time sleeping. Their minds race all night, and they find that they cannot settle down or get comfortable enough to drift off. If you can sleep, you may find that you are only able to sleep in short bursts and cannot sleep through a full night. 

Your eating habits have changed. Some people experiencing burnout find that they lose their appetites. Others find that they begin to comfort themselves with food. Significant changes in appetite and food intake can signal a serious problem. 

You feel physically ill. Being under high amounts of stress for long periods of time can destroy your health - you might find that you have a lot of symptoms with no direct physical cause, like headaches, stomach pain, nausea and body aches. You might also find that you get sick more often and get more infections as the stress wears down your immune system. 

You feel like you have to drag yourself through the day. Even if you once enjoyed your job or your school, you might start to feel like even showing up is a huge chore, and dread having to go in. You might find that it takes all of your energy to even make it through the front door each day. 

The good news is that burnout is not a permanent state; there are things you can do to recover. However, recovering from burnout is not necessarily easy - this is not something you can quick-fix with a self-help book, and you may need to make significant lifestyle changes. Some things you can do to fix or prevent burnout include:

Set firm boundaries. If possible, stop taking work home. Stop signing up for extra shifts and overtime every time it’s available. Don’t volunteer to organize every single office party and baby shower. Stop answering work emails after 5pm. Don’t check your email on the weekends. Don’t respond to emails on vacation. Set firm boundaries between “work time” and “me time” - especially if you work from home, where it’s easier for work and life to bleed together. 

Use every minute of your paid time off. A lot of people just don’t use up all their PTO every year because they’re worried they’re letting the company down by taking vacation. Stop that. If you have vacation days, use them. Use your sick time too - if you don’t get sick that often, use them as mental health days. If you’re a student, ask professors for extensions when you’re sick - more and more professors are getting on board with cutting students some slack for life events. 

Unplug from productivity culture. Our culture has a pathological obsession with productivity, and it’s killing us. We consume books and blogs and podcasts about how to squeeze as much productivity out of ourselves as possible. It has to stop. Unsubscribe from this kind of content. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself to optimize and monetize every second of your day - it’s not healthy. 

Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a doctor or a friend. Get professional help or just find people you can vent to. Try to form friendships with some of your coworkers or fellow students, especially if you work in the helping professions - they know better than anyone what you are going through. 

Prioritize your physical health. When you neglect your physical health, you are more likely to burn out - you run out of fuel faster when you have less in the tank to begin with. Prioritize eating healthy meals and getting all the nutrients you need. Make a habit of exercising. Practice good sleep hygiene and try to improve your sleep. 

Talk to your supervisor, advisor or boss. Are there things about your specific work or school environment that could be improved for you? Could you be transferred to a new team? Do your roles and responsibilities need to be clarified so you know exactly what is expected of you? Do you need additional training to do your job well? Are you dealing with harassment that could be reported to HR? See what can be fixed. 

Consider a change. Sometimes you just need a change of pace after a while. Many social workers, for instance, eventually leave the profession - a lot of people simply have a lifetime limit on how long they can do that kind of work before they need to switch to something that doesn’t involve human horror every day. If burnout is a consistent problem, it might be time to think about taking a leave of absence, changing to a different role, or switching careers altogether. 

Hope this answers your question! MM

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Part 2, Chapter 18

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

“Autopsy bay, this is Trudy...yep, one second.”

Trudy shoves her rolling chair across the tiled floor, delivering the cordless phone to Scully with a flourish.

“It’s your man candy,” she says with a smirk, and Scully suppresses an eye-roll as she takes the phone.

“Hi, what’s up?” she greets. Now that he has his own office and more privacy (save for Monica, who’s a friend) he’s taken to calling her more often at work.

“Hey honey, you studied German, right?”

“Yes,” she answers, an expectant lilt to her voice.

“What does ‘unruhe’ mean? U-n-r-u-h-e.”

“Mulder...is this a work call or a personal call?” she questions in a lecturing voice.

“Work, it’s for a case we’re looking at,” he answers plainly.

She sighs, moving the phone to her other ear and turning away so Trudy can’t hear her.

“Mulder, we’ve discussed this. I don’t mind you calling me for help on cases, I don’t even mind looking over medical files for you. But if you’re calling me as a colleague, then I need you to address me as one.”

“Shit, sorry, let’s start over,” he says, and she hears the squeak of him shifting in his chair. She imagines him sitting up straighter, putting forth a professional image, and it makes her smile.

“Hi, what’s up?” she repeats.

“Hello, Dr. Scully, I was wondering if I could ask you to translate some German phrases that appear in a case Agent Reyes and I are investigating, if you have time to spare,” he says in his most distinguished, Special Agent voice.

“Of course, Agent Mulder, I’d be happy to help.”

———

The elevator dings, the doors opening to a quiet and nondescript hallway with a few lonely shelves lining one wall. She steps out, suddenly regretting her insistence that she could find her way to Mulder’s basement office without escort. She makes her way down the hall past a set of bathrooms, and finally arrives outside a closed door.

Fox Mulder

Monica Reyes

Only the names of the occupants, not their division, department nor area of expertise are included, presumably because anyone who ends up down here is already aware of what they are walking in to. She knocks three times and waits, smiling in relief when Monica appears on the other side.

“Hi, Dana, you found us!” she muses, then steps aside so Scully can enter.

It’s an odd office, in so many ways. Oddly shaped, with daylight basement windows and a glass-encased annex, the space is long and narrow which makes it feel big and crowded at the same time. The decor is odd; newspaper clippings and kitschy knick knacks on the walls and every available surface. She smiles at the sight of the house-warming gift she’d purchased for Mulder; a full sized poster of a UFO hovering over evergreen trees with “I Want To Believe” emblazoned across the bottom. Mulder had told her about one just like it he’d had in “the good old days,” and she spent the better part of a week tracking one down after they’d gotten word that the files would be reopened. Though they’ve only inhabited this space for a few weeks, it already looks very lived-in.

Mulder is sitting on the corner of his desk, remote in hand and a slide projector cart situated in front of him. On the wall across from it is a blown up image of a severed head, the eyes partially closed and the lips hanging open. Scully smiles at Mulder and then glances at the screen, frowning at the image but otherwise unaffected.

“Well look at you,” she says with pride in her voice, crossing the room to stand before him where he touches her waist and places a kiss on her cheek. “And who’s this?” she asks, turning again to the screen.

“This,” Mulder says, standing and moving closer to the image, “is Leonard Betts. Or it was, anyway.”

“What’s so special about Mr. Betts that he’s found himself in an X file?” Scully asks.

“Would you believe me if I told you that after Mr. Betts was decapitated, his headless body got up and walked right out of the morgue?” Mulder asks with a cheeky grin, and she glances at Monica, who just shrugs.

“No, I wouldn’t, I’m afraid,” she answers.

“Well, since seeing is believing, Reyes and I will be heading up to Pittsburgh for a few days to have a look for ourselves,” Mulder says as he turns off the projector and wheels the cart into a corner.

Scully’s heart sinks just a little. Mulder had set the expectation that there was quite a bit of travel involved with being assigned to the X files, but this is the first time he’s actually needed to be away overnight for work. Wanting to be supportive, she keeps her expression neutral, betraying nothing.

He approaches her, standing close so that their conversation feels private, even with Monica seated a few feet away.

“Tell Missy and Byers I’m sorry to cancel our dinner plans tomorrow,” he says with a sympathetic frown.

“Will you be home by the weekend?” she asks quietly, “I was hoping to celebrate your birthday on Sunday.”

He smiles sadly at her. The topic of his approaching birthday has been one they’ve both grappled with for slightly different reasons. He proclaims to have never cared much about his birthday, but knowing that it will mark one year since she walked down the aisle with Ethan makes her want to do something special, to reset the date, in a way. She wants it to be Mulder’s birthday, not the anniversary of the worst decision she ever made.

“Probably, but I can’t make any promises. I’ll do my best, okay?”

She nods, and he leans down to kiss her softly in the middle of her forehead.

“I’ll need to swing by the apartment to pack before we leave this evening, so I’ll see you in a bit,” he continues.

She bids Monica farewell and good luck, then rides the elevator back up to a world where headless bodies don’t roam the streets.

———

Mulder flies home Saturday afternoon, giving her just enough time to throw together a small birthday celebration at the Gunmen’s the following night. Sunday evening she’s sifting through her closet, deciding whether to dress up a little for his benefit. Mulder is lying behind her on the bed fully dressed, pretending he’s on standby to offer fashion advice but in reality he’s just staring at her as she walks from the closet to her dresser in her bra and panties. He has confirmed no fewer than six times that birthday sex is a tradition that she believes in, then suggested that it might be applicable on both the day of his birthday party as well as his actual birthday, which is tomorrow. He seems to be looking forward to that more than getting together with his friends.

“What do you want me to wear, Mulder? It’s your birthday, you pick,” she says in a defeated tone, feeling uninspired by everything she owns.

“What you’re wearing is great, just go with that,” he retorts matter-of-factly, and she looks down at her underwear before giving him a sarcastic sneer.

“I’m sure Frohike would love that,” she says, and he makes a face.

“Maybe just jeans and a T-shirt then. I honestly don’t care, honey, wear whatever you want. I’m just going to take it off later anyway.”

As he finishes speaking, there’s a knock at the door and he stands to answer it, stopping to give her a quick kiss on the crown of her head as he leaves the room.

She pulls out a pair of dark wash jeans and tugs them on, listening as Mulder opens the door and has a muted conversation with someone. It’s a little bit late in the day for solicitors, but they don’t seem to have any boundaries these days. She’s slipping her arms through the sleeves of a blue sweater when Mulder reappears in the doorway.

“Hey Scully?,” he says, his tone strange and unreadable.

“Hm?” she responds, slipping pearl studs into her ears.

“Someone’s here to see you.”

She gives him a quizzical look. “Who?” she asks, and he purses his lips in response.

With a mix of curiosity and trepidation she walks out to the front door, which is slightly ajar. She pulls it open and finds Ethan standing on the other side. Her stomach drops, a flush of adrenaline running from head to toe as ringing sounds off in her ears. She gapes at him, unable to take any kind of action.

“Hi, Dana,” he finally says, somewhat sheepishly. “Sorry to drop by like this, I just, um...I found a spare key to the apartment,” he says, holding up a single key between his thumb and forefinger. “I figured I should return it.”

“Oh,” she replies, then holds out her hand.

He places the key in the center of her palm and she closes her fist around it, then drops her arm to her side. They stand there awkwardly, an expectant feeling hanging between them. Though she’d momentarily forgotten Mulder was there, he suddenly appears by her side.

“I need to go run to the store for something, I’ll be right back, okay?” he says, locking eyes with her on the ‘okay.’ She understands it to be him asking if they need privacy, and if she’s comfortable being left alone with Ethan. She nods with a grateful smile.

After Mulder has retreated down the hallway, she stands to the side and gestures for Ethan to come in. He enters the apartment cautiously, looking around. She closes the door but stays near it.

“Looks different in here,” he remarks, standing behind one of the dining room chairs and resting his palms on it.

She nods and shrugs.

“Was that, uh...is that your boyfriend?” he asks, hitching his thumb towards the door.

Her shoulders drop, a pained expression falling over her face. “Ethan...” she begins, ready to ask him if he came here just to guilt trip her.

“Sorry, forget I asked,” he interjects, shaking his head. “I didn’t come here to give you a hard time, Dana, I promise. I just…” he looks around again, pulling in a deep breath. “You know it will be a year tomorrow, since...and I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. For what happened, and also how things ended.”

She furrows her eyebrows. “What do you have to be sorry for?” she asks.

“I might have said the same thing earlier this year,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh, “but I’ve done a lot of reflecting since we split and I realized that I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to the signals you were sending me. In retrospect, it was pretty obvious that you were having doubts, and I just kind of crossed my fingers and soldiered on. And then after the wedding, you were so unhappy. I just chose not to see it, I guess. And that was wrong of me.”

She feels tears welling in her eyes and her throat becomes tight. She doesn’t trust herself to speak so she just nods.

“I recently started seeing someone,” Ethan continues, “and it’s pretty new, but it’s really made it clear to me that you and I just weren’t a good match. Not because anything was wrong, but...it wasn’t right either, you know?”

She nods again, crossing her arms over her chest as a tear spills over and runs down to her chin.

“So, anyway, I won’t take up any more of your time. I just think a lot about how things ended the last time we saw each other, and how angry I was, and I wanted you to know that I get it now. I understand why you did what you did. And I’m glad that you didn’t spend twenty years suffering through it just to prove a point. We both deserve better than what we had.”

Her face is now contorted into a grimace as she tries to keep from falling apart entirely, overwhelmed with relief and gratitude, and this opportunity to atone. Ethan moves to the door, pulling it open. As he steps into the hall, she clears her throat and forces out the only words she can muster.

“Thank you,” she squeaks, and he turns to look back at her.

With all the anger and resentment faded away, the grief and the guilt washed clean, she sees again the man she once loved very much, who was a good partner to her, even if he wasn’t “the one.”

She moves towards him and he opens his arms, enveloping her in a tight hug. When he loosens his grip, she steps back so she’s just inside the apartment, sniffing and wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

“Goodbye, Dana,” he says with a sad smile.

“Bye,” she says, and closes the door.

[onestowatch]

Oston Pens Her Coming-of-Age Story on ‘Am I Talking Too Much? [Q&A]

Photos: Dolly Ave at Lollapalooza

Rising star OSTON is no longer sitting at the kids' table. In her new EP, Am I Talking Too Much?, the singer-songwriter puts her fears, frustrations, and deepest thoughts on display. It’s a victorious display of emotion sonically paired with massive pop moments, an ethereal interlude, impressively sharp lyricism, and so much more.

Am I Talking Too Much?, which has been in the works since 2019, has forged a path through a time of tough life lessons, self-realization, and most importantly confidence. The project navigates topics such as the pressures of growing up and the universal fear of falling in love in just eight poignant tracks. Overall, the EP tells OSTON’s coming-of-age story, learning when to not take things seriously and gaining the ability to spot those who underestimate her tenacity.

We had the chance to chat with OSTON about the making of the EP, what it means to her, and an exclusive track-by-track breakdown.

Tell us about what’s different this time around, versus making your debut EP, Sitting at the Kids Table?

Am I Talking Too Much? feels astronomically different from my debut EP in so many ways. When we were making my first project, Sitting at the Kids Table, I was really focused on creating a project and getting it out into the world rather quickly. The songs were written and produced with a very fast turnaround, and because I was so new to the industry, I was more than okay with that.

After that project came out, I started really digging into my artistry. Since Am I Talking Too Much? was written over the course of two-and-a-half-ish years, I got to choose exactly which songs I felt described this second chapter of my musical life. I went through some huge life changes while writing this EP, and I think that’s very apparent in the story arch of this project.

Taking “last time pt. II” into consideration, do you feel Am I Talking Too Much? is a continuation of the topics explored in Sitting at the Kids Table or does it exist in your head as a separate entity entirely?

This EP feels like an entirely new chapter of my life, just as I hope the next generation of music I put out can serve as something completely new. This project follows me on a journey of moving away from home, shedding toxic relationships and old layers that used to hold me back, and learning not to define myself by how others view me (or at least trying not to). Other than the name “last time pt. ii,” the two songs live as their own entities, and I’m really excited for listeners to discover that.

You have some special collaborators who worked on the EP, can you tell us about your creative journey with everyone who helped this project come to life?

I was lucky enough to get to work with some of my closest friends and collaborators on this project, which is part of the reason it’s so special to me. My boyfriend, Drew, executive produced the whole project (with me staring over his shoulder the whole time). Our great friend, Nydge, came in on two of the songs (“Am I Talking Too Much?” and “Sour”) to help spice up the direction a bit. I also co-wrote a few of the songs with my friends JORDY, lixa, and Mr. Popular—who all helped bring the crazy stories inside my head to life.

What are some of your goals for 2021, if any? Or are you just taking things day by day?

2021 has been an absolutely crazy year for me so far, and I’m lucky enough to say that I’ve already reached a lot of the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year. For starters, finishing up and releasing this EP has been an enormous box on my to-do list, so finally having it out in the world is a huge accomplishment in itself.

Last weekend, I experienced a crazy, unexpected run of shows – I opened for Omar Apollo at the Metro in Chicago for a Lollapalooza aftershow, and then stepped into the official lineup of Lollapalooza on Friday at the Lake Shore Stage. I hadn’t even imagined playing my first music festival for another year or two! Another bucket list goal of mine has been to go on a support tour with another artist, and I’ll be joining my great friend JORDY on his “Mind Games” tour in the fall!

What do you want listeners to take away from listening to Am I Talking Too Much?

If you listen to this EP and take anything with you, I hope it’s the understanding that there is always room to make mistakes, and nobody ever gets everything right the first time around. We all live through our own tragedies, and that’s what makes us the badass people that we are.

Would you mind breaking down each track on the project for us?

“Am I Talking Too Much?”

This was actually the first song we wrote for this project. At the time, I was thinking it would just be a single, but I could never get over the idea of a whole body of work called “Am I Talking Too Much?.” It just felt so fitting with who I am as a person.

The concept came from a date where I was talking with this guy, and he turned to me and said, “Wow, you sure talk a lot don’t you?” I walked away reflecting on how talking “too much” and overthinking are such big characteristics of mine. But, it’s also a part of what makes me who I am, and I realized that maybe the people who love and accept me for that are the people I really want in my life anyways.

“Hypocrite!”

“Hypocrite!” was such a fun and quick one to write that came from one day in the studio with the amazing writer/producer Mr. Popular. We started talking and joking about the stereotypical “shitty ex” that gaslights you and tries to make you think that everything they do is somehow your fault. It was particularly fun and therapeutic for me because I got to pull from multiple different relationships throughout my life to create this one sort of evil, hypocritical character as the star of the song.

“I Think You Should Leave”

Man, I love this song. It’s such a fun one! I’ve never really let myself get as pop as I did with this one. Drew and I really just aimed to have a fun time writing this one and wanted it to be as out-there as it could. I’d call this the “party anthem” of the project, telling off all the haters and mansplainers. This is the song that gets the most hate on social media, and it’s quite funny to me that the main group of people getting angry online are exactly the demographic we wrote it about.

“Lie About You”

“Lie About You” was the last song written for this project. In all reality, the song was never supposed to see the light of day. After I got the demo back, I actually really hated the song and it felt way too personal and on-the-nose with what I was going through to ever release.

I don’t know what willed me to throw the demo up on TikTok (maybe it was the fact I was visiting home, drinking wine, and feeling sappy as per usual) but the next morning I woke up to a viral video and thousands of people asking me to release the song for real. That same day I was supposed to announce “I Think You Should Leave,” but my management called me and was like “Dude, we’ve gotta finish this one and put it out like, tomorrow.” and that’s exactly what we did!

“Hurt Like___”

“Hurt Like___” came at a time when I wanted to write something really sad and emotional, even though that wasn’t how I was actually feeling in the moment. I decided to write this alternate ending for my relationship with Drew—one where I had let my fear of things going wrong take over. I wrote the story of our breakup and how I thought I would’ve felt if we ended things when I moved to LA, instead of continuing to date long-distance and then eventually move in together. I’ve actually never written a song from this point of view before, so it was pretty challenging, but so worth it.

“How To Feel Human”

JORDY, Drew and I wrote this on a little trip to Drew’s old Chicago studio in the middle of the pandemic. We all had a little pink wine (this was also the same week that we wrote “Tomorrow” for JORDY’s project, so clearly we were feeling pretty sappy) and we started reminiscing about how easy things used to be when we were younger and living at home with our parents – even though it didn’t always seem like it back then.

We realized that as you get older and move away from your upbringing, the idea of “home” starts to become less and less clear. You start to find “home” in the places you move to and the people you surround yourself with, and the childhood memories of “home” sort of start to fade into the distance. It’s a pretty somber topic, but when you surround yourself with the right people, it makes growing up a whole lot easier.

“last time pt. II”

All I’ll say about this one is that Drew and I wrote it before our very first date. It was kind of our way of saying goodbye to the people in our lives that were holding us back, and realizing what we had sitting right in front of us. This song makes me wanna cry every time I hear it.

“Sour”

Sour is my unapologetically-honest diary entry to myself. Funny enough, this record actually started out in a completely hyper-pop direction with massive synths and drums, but I couldn’t get any of the lyrics or melodies to make sense. When we went back in and stripped it down to just piano vocals, this whole story started flowing out of me. I started asking myself why I treat myself the way that I do, and similarly, why society encourages us to be so critical of ourselves and one another.

I wanted to pay tribute in this song to one of my biggest musical inspirations, which is the Melodrama album by Lorde and Jack Antonoff. The outro bit of the song deviates away from the piano/vocal vibe and shifts into a very musical, ethereal space. This is where the project starts to culminate and become blurry—I wanted this bit to feel like a conclusion to the chaos of the seven songs that came before it.

Ending the song with the words “but I gotta go” felt like the best parting gift as I left to start another chapter of my musical life.

[tired-college-student-writing]

The Painter’s Daughter Ch 4

Summary: Marinette is the daughter of two bakers

Marinette is a happy sometimes naive girl

Marinette is loved to create and make more than they liked to destroy

or was she?

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 (HERE)

Chapter 5

_________________________________________

“You’re both coming with me,” Helen spoke the second Adrian reappeared from the bathroom, wrapped in Marinette’s oversized pink polka-dotted bathrobe.  The blond looked surprised and suspicious.

“Don’t worry, kid,” Helen continued, “I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t in what little good conscience I have left let anyone become a creep if I can help it, let alone my daughter and her superhero partner.”

“Creep?” Adrian raised his brow at this, edging away slightly.

Helen just rolled his eyes and allowed his glamor to fall, leaving a teenage boy who could have been Marinette’s twin standing where the once lanky man had. He cracked a smile as the boy jumped.

“It’s short for Creepypasta,” He explained, “You’ve probably found our stories before, stories of Jeff the Killer, of Laughing Jack, of Smile Dog, of Slenderman, and thought we were just that, stories. The reality of the situation is Kwamis and Miraculous aren’t the only magic in the world, there’s a much darker side to the unexplainable out there. I and, by extension, Marinette are part of this world. ”

Adrian’s eyes were the size of dinner plates, but even so, a new emotion was flickering in his eye. Most of the time creeps see fear or anger in the eyes of those that discover them, but Adrian has been in such deep broken fear and hurt anger for too long. In his eyes, the father and daughter saw curiosity slowly trickle in.

Marinette smiled softly, “It’s okay Kitty, you’re still safe. Dad’s not going to hurt you.”

Helen snorted, “Even the stupidest creeps have a code. You’re the last person we’d want dead even if you didn’t have a tiny little god of destruction in your pocket. Especially since Marinette likes you so much.”

“Damn straight,” Plagg huffed, tail lashing as if daring the creature to do anything.

“My dad is what’s known as a Proxy,” Marinette explained, “A worker of sorts for a more powerful entity. In his case, he’s a proxy of the Operator, or as you most likely know him, Slenderman. I was conceived after he was made so I fall under the creeps domain as well even though I’m not a creep and will never be a creep unless I commit a murder worthy of my own creepypasta.”

“So all creepypastas are real, and you’re the daughter of,” Adrian’s eyes darted across Helen’s form landing on his pin and the mask attached to his belt, “The Bloody Painter?”

“Ha, you ARE a fan,” Helen snorted.

“And he wants us to come with him because why?”

Plagg winced, floating up to headbutt his user in the cheek, “Kid… he’s worried you’ll become like him. Your sanity is in such a fragile state… it’s worrisome even if you weren’t fighting Hawkmoth. You need to get away from your dad, from Paris and you certainly need to get away from that abusive rapist bitch that broke you before one of us, at best gets akumatized, or worst does something drastic that we can’t take back.”

Adrian cupped the small cat by his face, a single tear running down his cheek as he looked to see the deep understanding of the pair in front of him.  

“Okay,” He said in a soft voice that was barely a breath, “But if we really leave then Paris will be undefended, and won’t people put it together when we leave at the same time as the heroes stop showing up? Can we really leave Paris unde-”

“I have a plan,” Marinette cut in, “but it’s going to take a bit to get into place.”

Helen rolled his shoulders, shifting back into his adult form, “Adrian eat. Let's get some bags packed and put this plan into action.”

_________________________________________

The morning saw Ladybug and Chat Noir swinging through the city with smiles, laughing and greeting the citizens with cheer. When asked why they were out so early they let pain and uncertainty flicker across their faces for a split second, before the smiles were back and they gave some lame excuses about needing a break from their everyday life.

Paris felt a twinge that something wasn’t right that the city couldn’t shake.

When school started Ms. Bustier’s class was surprised and worried to see their principal in their classroom. Adrian was still missing as far as they were aware, they really hoped nothing happened to him.

“Students,” Damocles started once the bell had rung, “Before school today, The Dupain-Chengs came in and informed me that Marinette was being pulled for the rest of the year and moved to homeschooling.”

“What!” Alya yelled, the room breaking into a frenzy.

“SILENCE!” Mr. Damocles barked and patiently waited until the room froze, “Now before any rumors start, they wished for you all to know that Marinette’s birth father had been in a terrible accident and she was on the first plane they could find last night to the United States to be with him as they were not sure if he’d survive very long. She will remain in the US until he is better or until his affairs are put in order. I hope you all do your best to understand and be supportive of her if she reaches out.”

The teacher and principal exit the room soon after with remarks about needing to get the proper paperwork in order for the transfer leaving a shocked classroom.

“Mr. Dupain isn’t her dad?” Alya whispered in shock only for Nino to shrug.

“Well, yeah, Kim and I were invited to the wedding and Marinette told us when she was changing her name. Her dad is some artist from the states, Sabine didn’t give out too many details but it wasn’t hard to put together Mari was a one night stand baby. Her dad was pretty cool though. I hope he’s okay.”

Kim nodded when the class turned to look at him, “ Yeah we met him when he came for her tenth birthday, gave her some really awesome fabric she ended up making into a dress she wore to the school banquet. Apparently, his job is pretty sporadic so he’s not able to visit regularly, but you can tell he really loves Marinette and treated all of us pretty well.”

Chloe snorted, “Speak for yourselves, He gave me the creeps with his stare when I tried to say something to Marinette, made some weird comment about how I’d make a lovely medium for art one day.”

Nathanial gave her a quizzical look, “You mean muse?”

“No? I’m pretty sure I’d remember the ridiculous statement the man-made to me. He definitely said medium.”

“But,” Nathanial muttered, “That makes no sense. A medium is the materials used for an art piece, not the subject of the piece. How could he make you his medium?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

Nino’s phone buzzed and he paled looking down, “Uh dudes, Adrian just posted on his insta, like his model insta.”

The pictures on the post were vaguely graphic, nail marks and bruises littering pale skin in sickly colors. Nothing below the belt but they could see how the bruises fell they extended further then he was showing.  

I’m sorry I ran, but I couldn’t handle the sexual abuse anymore. A fellow model, my father’s muse no less, decided I was hers and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She’s lied and lied so much even my friends from school are convinced we’re a couple but I just want to be able to live my life without the fear of her touching me and spinning tales of how no one will believe me if I spoke out, how she’ll tell the world I raped her if I did. I still feel so dirty after she slipped something into my drink. It didn’t even knock me out, simply made it so I couldn’t move. I’m done. I’m sorry but I’m done.

None of the class could stop the bile from rising in their throats as their eyes flash to Lila who was slowly turning pruce.

_________________________________________

The weekend arrived, with only two Akuma attacks since Marinette left for America, Ladybug and Chat Noir taking care of it swiftly and near silently, their normal banter sporadic at best the first time, almost melancholy the second.

Paris had noticed and was nearing panic. What was wrong with their heroes?

Two siblings found out, as the clock clicked closer to Saturday.

The Couffaine siblings were hanging out on their beds, idly playing music together, already in their PJs. Their mother was out for the night, invited to drinks with Jagged to reconnect after all these years. So when they heard thumps on the deck above they froze.

The fear only reduced slightly as the familiar faces of the city’s heroes appeared from the top of the stairs, though the panic shifted to a different source. Luka shoots worried glances at his sister. How would she react to him being a hero?

“Ladybug, Chat Noir,” He greeted, “What’s wrong? An Akuma?”

“Not right now,” Ladybug responded, face serious but ever so kind, “But we have a large favor to ask both of you.”  

“You know I’m always willing to help,” He answered without hesitation and saw his usually timid sister nod in agreement.

“I’ll do everything I can.”

Chat Noir gave a ghost of his usually cheeky grin, “Can you keep a secret?”

Before either sibling got to ask what he meant the pair was engulfed in bright light. When it faded Marinette and Adrian stood in front of the pair.

“Luka Couffaine,” Marinette said, holding out the box with a broken smile, “This is the miraculous of the Snake.”

“Juleka Couffaine,” Adrian continued, holding out an identical box, “This is the miraculous of the Mouse.”

“We’re entrusting you to use these miraculous to keep Paris safe in our steed,” They replied in unison to the frozen siblings, “Do you accept?”

“What?” Juleka squeaked, “You two…”

Luka took the box with a stony look, “What do you mean in your steed?”

Adrian’s face fell, “Chat Noir and Ladybug are leaving Paris for a while. I’m sure you know why I need to leave, but Mari offered me an escape and needs a break as well.”

Marinette’s steely look silenced any protests, “We’ve been failed too many times. It’s breaking us, if we don’t leave soon we're going to end up akumatized ourselves or worse. We’re entrusting you two with the truth, and with being the main protectors of Paris while we’re gone.”

“We’re handing over an official video tomorrow morning explaining our leave of Absence to Nadja to play during the news cycles, probably all of them,” Adrian said with a hollow laugh, “

“But what about the other miraculous?” Luka asked, “We’re not going to be Ladybug and Chat Noir, and even you need help sometimes. What do we do if we need help?”  

“The Fox is with a male user named Badulf and the monkey with King Monkey. My mama currently has the miraculous box, so if you need to get the Bee to Hachimitsu or the dragon to Kaida she’ll have them,” Marinette continued, “If you need another miraculous I trust you to make the choice of who to give it to with a view exceptions. We don’t need another Aspik incident.”

“In my defense,” Adrian counter, “I have a hard time saying no to anyone, let alone my best friend who was trusting me with a very important task.”  

“Okay,” Juleka let out a shaky sigh, “You need to start from the beginning.”

And so they did. They told the pair about getting their miraculous, about the allies they had taken throughout the years, the ones they didn’t trust anymore, the ones that had hurt them too many times. They told them about how life outside the mask had grown harder and harder and trying not to be akumatized was growing near impossible. They listed the spells and charms they had created to allow the pair to contain the akumas since Ladybug would be gone.

Luka and Juleka held their hands, anger, fury, and sympathy rolling off of them. By the end, Marinette worried they would deal with another akumaztion but Juleka elbowed him with a scowl and he took several deep breaths to calm down.

“Okay,” He said finally, “We’ll take care of the city. You two get better okay,”

“Don’t worry,” Marinette said with a soft smile, “You’re going to stay with my dad. He’s going to make sure we don’t snap under all of the pressure.”

“Take this,” She handed over a notecard with a pair of emails on it, “If something like Syren or Stormy Weather shows up again so I can use Miraculous Ladybug. We believe in you.”

As quickly as they had arrived the heroes had left, leaving the siblings to get to know their kwamis and prepare for the news that would break in only a few short hours on how the safety of the city was now on their shoulders.

“Everything done?” Helen asked once the heroes landed in Bois de Boulogne. Once they nodded he tossed them their backpacks and turned to the tree he already carved the Operator symbol into, opening the portal to the Slender Forest.

“Let’s make this quick,” Helen groaned, “Slender isn’t going to be happy I waited this long to get in touch with him.”

“Do you think now is a good time to give Slender the new tie I made him?”

_________________________________________

Taglist: @crazylittlemunchkin @sassakitty @marinettepotterandplagg

[rosebagbyastrology]

🔮 Weekly Astrological Forecast 🔮

Astrology Forecast for the week of 10/26 — 11/1

These are the major planetary transits and aspects of the week. My interpretations are general run-downs of the energies present. **All times mentioned are in EDT**

💬 Mercury Rx moves into Libra

Tuesday, October 27th

Around 9:30PM on Tuesday night, Mercury in retrograde will backtrack into Libra, shifting the mind from the wateriness of Scorpio into airy Libra, switching the focus off our emotions and onto our intellect. Mercury Rx in Libra focuses on relationships, commitments and partnerships of all kinds. You may find yourself having conversations about the past and relationships from your past during this time. Exes or people from your past may also re-enter your life under this influence.

Mercury at 29’59° will semi-sextile Venus at 29’59° in Virgo, which means both planets will be moving into Libra at the same time, except Mercury will be moving backwards into Libra from Scorpio (because of the retrograde), and Venus will be moving forward into Libra from Virgo like normal. This simultaneous motion could create an alignment of the mind and the heart. You will be supported when sharing how you think and feel.

Venus is heading into some very intense aspects in the coming weeks as she moves further into Libra. She will be opposing Chiron, making a quincunx with Uranus and Neptune, and she will square the Jupiter/Saturn/Pluto conjunction, making difficult aspects to all of the outer planets. Mercury will station Direct on November 3rd around 25° Libra, so the Libra-ruled House of our charts will be activated during this time.

⚖️ Venus moves into Libra

At the same time Mercury Rx moves backward from Scorpio into Libra, Venus will also be moving into Libra from Virgo. Venus is in the sign which she rules. Venus in Libra values relationships, partnerships, marriage, commitment and collaboration with other people. It is a very harmonious sign for Venus, but she will be heading into some very intense aspects in the coming weeks which may cause us to focus more on the areas of our lives where things are not so peaceful, or where our relationships are not quite so harmonious. Libra doesn’t like to stir the pot or rock the boat, but the boat will be shook regardless, so this might be an uncomfortable influence. We need to focus on grounding ourselves and finding our center in the coming weeks as we deal with these difficult Venus aspects. We must stay committed to the truth and focus on the reality of the matter instead of getting wrapped up into the superficial surface projections of peace. Work on cultivating balance in your life and within yourself.

⛑ Moon square Saturn/Pluto and opposite Mercury

Friday, October 30th

There aren’t any major aspects today, but I wanted to mention how the Moon in Aries will be opposite Mercury and squaring the Jupiter/Saturn/Pluto conjunction, (technically square Jupiter on Thursday) because this Moon square is triggering the Mercury square with Saturn we will have on November 1st. So pay attention to what’s being brought up in your conversations and in the media! New information will surface during this time.

Uranus will also be perigee around 1:30PM, with the Sun/Uranus opposition occurring tomorrow on Halloween, just over an hour after the Full Moon in Taurus conjuncts Uranus. Uranus energy will be very dominant this weekend, so expect the unexpected and prepare for things to get a little chaotic and shocking. Try to embrace the changes that occur and open up to the Revolution of Uranus to make the most of these transits.

🌕 Full Moon in Taurus

Saturday, October 31st

The Full Moon at 8’38° Taurus will be exact around 10:30AM, marking the midpoint of the current lunar cycle which began with the New Moon in Libra square Pluto on October 16th. This has been a very deep lunar cycle. A lot of darkness and shadows have been brought to light. This Full Moon will be conjunct Uranus, making the revolutionary rebel planet very strong. Uranus rules unexpected, shocking and sudden events, so anticipate that things might not go to plan. Changes may occur in your love life and finances as well, whether these changes are positive or negative is difficult to say because when you’re dealing with Uranus, you never know what you’re going to get. It’s like flipping a coin.

⚠️ Sun opposite Uranus

Saturday, October 31st

Around noon, the Sun in Scorpio will oppose Uranus in Taurus, creating tension between the conscious-self/ego and the unpredictable rebel planet of awakening. Mercury also opposes Uranus this month, so expect lots of upheaval, changes, and perhaps even chaos in our relationships, material attachments, and what we value/hold on to. If we are holding onto things that no longer serve us, this is a time where we could be asked to cut our losses. The more baggage you try to hold on to, the more chaotic your month might be with this Uranus influence at play.

💢 Mercury Rx square Saturn

Sunday, November 1st

Mercury Rx in Libra will square Saturn in Capricorn around 2PM. This creates tension between our mind, influenced by Libra and striving for harmony, and Saturn, the Lord of Karma who wants us to get real and deal with the reality of the situations in our lives. This is the 2nd out of 3 Mercury/Saturn squares, the 3rd one occurring on November 6th due to Mercury’s station direct on November 3rd. Essentially, this means we have a very long and intense Mercury-Saturn square from today, November 1st until after November 6th.

Mercury-Saturn can be great for having serious and grounded communications with others, but it can also tend to bring on depression, pessimism and negative thinking patterns. You may be focusing on everything that is wrong and ignoring all the things that are right, or the other extreme where you’re only focusing on the positive and ignoring the shadows which need to be dealt with. Mercury in Libra doesn’t like to rock the boat, and will sweep things under the rug for the sake of peace and harmony. You cannot keep sweeping these shadows away forever, and these shadows might expose themselves in your life now especially if you’ve been trying to hide them or ignore them. Pay attention to what is occurring in the media as well. We will be seeing power struggles, dogma, and rigidity of the mind. Also pay attention to what you say/hear/think right now. Words are very powerful now, and while they may be heavy, they will also be very revealing of reality. People will be inclined to speak their truth.

🏳️ Venus opposite Chiron Rx

Sunday, November 1st

Near 3PM, Venus in Libra will be opposing Chiron Rx in Aries, creating tension between the planet of love and beauty and the wounded healer planetoid. This combination of energies can bring up old wounds around relationships, and in regards to your self-worth and self-love. Venus in Libra can be overly focused on others, what they’re doing and how they value us. The healing happens when Venus can learn to stop looking outside and instead look within. With Libra/Aries polarity, we want to find balance between our Yin and Yang, our masculine and feminine. If we are sweeping our anger, sadness and other negative emotions under the carpet, this is the kind of aspect that will bring those emotions back up. On the other hand, if you have been overly aggressive and self-focused, the healing here will come from focusing on others before the self. Venus will be making many difficult aspects in the coming weeks which will rock the boat of our relationships and in the Libra ruled House in your natal chart.

[raendown]

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 4042 Chapter: 36/42 Summary: Not all wars are fought on the battlefield. Some are fought at the conference table, with whispers in the shadows, or even in the bedroom.

In a world where the Senju and Uchiha traditional lands were too far apart to have ever made them enemies, Butsuma and Tajima are the ones who come together and sign a treaty of peace. Madara isn’t happy to have his life signed away for him in a political marriage to strengthen the bond between their clans. He is even less happy to have Tobirama make assumptions of him from their very first night together. What follows from there is a journey of healing, of learning, and finding the places to belong in the places least expected.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Chapter 36

The high of finally having the physical outlet to express the love he had for his husband lasted several days longer than most probably expected it to, helped along rather nicely by the fact that once he’d had a taste Madara was deliciously eager to repeat the experience. Tobirama had never felt shame for having pride in a job well done before in his life and he was not about to start now. After a week the humdrum routines of paperwork and endless meetings slowly brought him back down to earth where he once again began terrorizing the various staff members who had failed to do the work they were supposed to while he was at the capitol. 

As they drew close to the weekend he was almost strangely thankful for the high council meeting, a chance for him to sit down and at least let his legs relax from running back and forth across the village so much over the past few days. Not even the tension between their two founding idiots was enough to completely spoil his mood, the first time he’d been forced to see them both in the same room since his return, though it did dampen his spirits a little. Having Madara in the seat next to him as usual helped with that. A hand to hold under the table and a foot coyly stroking along the top of his own would undoubtedly be enough to salvage anyone’s mood. His husband had grown quite bold in quite a short amount of time now that his inner beast had finally been let out of the cage, allowed to properly explore his sexuality at last. 

No matter the distraction, however, listening to each of the clan heads make their long winded speeches with puffed up self-importance was still boring as hell and Tobirama, for once, allowed himself to just tune the lot of them out. Generally he tried to pay attention as much as possible since these windbags did have little nuggets of important information hidden between the useless chaff. And he was usually one of the ones who kept minutes for these meetings. But the woman who had covered him for that job over the last week was still frantically writing notes again today so he felt free to kick back and let his mind wander away from whatever nonsense was shifting the dust in the air around them. Other than the random tidbits of info that was about as much good as their gabbing did. He could have someone catch him up later. 

With so much free time for his mind to wander he skipped through several topics, mentally checking off the work he had done today and the things he had left to do, planning up a few rough drafts in his imagination and working through a few problems for solutions to be implemented later. He was just turning his mind to the topic of what to cook for dinner, probably something savory as a treat for his husband, when the Shimura clan head sat down and the Hatake head stood up with a clearing of her throat. As he had with each new speaker Tobirama tuned back in to the room just to see if what the next person had to say would be in any way interesting or important. As soon as the woman began speaking he was glad he’d taken the precaution. 

“Another team passing close to the southern borders of Hi no Kuni has come back with reports of disturbing chakra activity,” she said, immediately capturing most of the room’s attention. “This time one of their number had enough sensing ability to tell us that the chakra was thicker and heavier than anything he’s ever felt before. Unfortunately his range is not very wide so he couldn’t say more than that but it’s obvious that our people have twice now encountered something like we’ve never seen before.” 

“Did they approach?” Butsuma asked from where he was all but lounging in his chair with disturbingly casual body language. 

“No, their mission report states that they did not feel equipped to engage.” 

“And did the presence appear to follow them?” 

The Hatake clan head let her eyes shift pointedly to the window outside where the weather and all of their people were perfectly calm, if a little cold. “No. I should think it did not.” 

“Right then. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about then, do you?” Butsuma shrugged and reached for one of the pages in front of him. Clearly he was ready to dismiss the matter offhand. Tobirama felt his own teeth grind together just as the Hatake woman’s did. 

“Father,” he spoke up firmly. “Should we not at least look in to this? Maybe send a team to investigate properly with actual sensors, perhaps some of Izuna’s ANBU? Even if it does turn out to be nothing it would be smart to put our people to rest. That’s two teams now who’ve felt this presence and named it troubling; if they spread the news and word gets out that we haven’t responded in any way there are many ways the public can rally against our council.”

To absolutely no one’s surprise Butsuma sighed and wrinkled his nose, scrunching the entirety of his already scrunched and drooping face. “If you absolutely insist but I’m telling you this is a waste of resources.”

If he weren’t so annoyed at his father for being such an idiot Tobirama might not have turned his face away in time to catch the devious expression on Tajima’s face at the other end of the room just before their second resident idiot opened his mouth to prove he was still a contrary ass. 

“Well I happen to think it’s an excellent idea,” he declared. “One can never be too careful.” 

“You can be if it wastes everyone’s time for nothing,” Butsuma snapped. He caught himself a moment later and sat straighter in his chair in an effort to reassert authority. A failed effort. 

“Feel free to explain that to anyone who comes to our council with questions if this really does turn out to be cause for concern.” As though to deliberately contrast his rival again Tajima sank back in to his own chair until he was sprawled out almost as casually as Butsuma had just been only moments before and Tobirama took a moment to openly roll his eyes since no one was looking at him. He felt a steadying hand squeeze his knee under the table and sighed.

Knowing they would continue to glare at each other for the rest of the meeting if interrupted now, he counted backwards in his head until a full two minutes of silence had gone by before clearing his throat. Both of them jumped but he felt no sympathy, barely felt any surprise that they had been too wrapped up in their own idiocy to remember where they were, only steamrolled on passed them by asking the Hatake clan head if she had anything else to add from the report on their southern border. 

Someday it would be Hashirama and Madara sitting up at opposite ends of the table and he honestly could not wait even if that meant trading one pair of disaster idiots for another. Or maybe he could even convince them there wasn’t a need for two people to hold themselves above the rest. By the time their fathers retired or kicked the bucket, whichever came first, maybe he could convince his husband and brother that sitting in amongst the others as they did now, as equals, would help the entire council work as a more cohesive unit. No one liked a self-important blowhard setting themselves above others when they didn’t deserve to. 

“We’re in agreement then? A team will be sent out to investigate the southern border to report on the source of this strange chakra and what actions may need to be taken to protect ourselves against it?” As the Hatake clan head sat down and neither of their fathers were talking Tobirama resigned himself to leading the next discussion until one of their so-called leaders woke up and remembered how much they enjoyed vying for control. 

“Feels like the smartest course of action to me,” Madara answered him when no one else did. 

“Right!” Hashirama piped up at the other end of the table. “Of course it’s smart. Tobi only ever has smart ideas.”

“Not now, Anija,” he scolded absently. He wasn’t the type who needed his ego stroked. 

When he asked the room at large what was next on the agenda Butsuma was the first to snap out of his pathetic funk and start the next discussion, harrumphing and shuffling papers like it might distract them from the fact that he had just been pouting. Not a whole lot happened during the rest of the meeting until the very end when Tajima finally managed to wrest attention back to himself long enough to ask loudly, with nose in the air, for Madara to report on how he had progressed in getting an active police force up and running. 

Since it hadn’t even been two weeks after their return from the capitol Madara had to admit that they didn’t have a lot ready yet. Land had been found and designs for the building they were to use as headquarters were still in the blueprints phase as they tried to consider every different function they would need that space to serve. What they did have was a lot of volunteers from several different clans, although a good chunk of them were from the Uchiha as they all flocked to support their clan heir’s latest endeavor. Madara was quick to point out that his people did have quite a lot of skills that would lend themselves well to serving on a local police force but since no one seemed upset by the over-representation he relaxed just as quickly. 

Tobirama watched his husband speak to the room with pride filling his chest. Everything had been going so well lately. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but the longer he waited the more he began to think – with almost Hashirama-like optimism – that maybe there really was no other shoe. For once maybe things could just go well without any sort of disaster falling on all their heads and turning everything upside down. That would be nice. Honestly he’d had his fair share of disasters already and the idea of a few months where things could just run along smoothly at the status quo was absolutely heavenly. 

After the council meeting Tobirama very reluctantly bid his husband a short farewell and hurried off back to work. There were several other people he needed to speak with today about various projects and unfortunately none of them could really be foisted off until later when he felt more like working. Lately he never felt like working. All he really wanted to do was curl up at home with his husband, a good book, and a steaming cup of tea. 

Let it never be said, however, that he was not dutiful. Though it was the very opposite of what he wanted Tobirama wandered from place to place in the tower and spoke to the people he needed to, made his notes, and completed the work that certainly no one else was going to step up and complete. With several new sheets of notes to sort out across the various projects he had his fingers in Tobirama returned to his office with the intention of doing so only to find that his officemates were miraculously present for once. Seeing either of them actually sitting behind their desks was such a rare occurrence he actually had to stop in the doorway and double check that he’d come to the right office. He couldn’t remember the last time this had happened. 

Thankfully he managed to pick his jaw off the floor and hustle inside before either of them could notice his hesitation, slipping in to the seat at his desk and pulling out folders to file away the papers he’d brought back with him, doing everything possible to make his movements natural. Inside he felt anything but natural. After so long having the office all to himself it was incredibly strange to have two other bodies there and even though he knew they weren’t he could swear he felt them both watching his every move. Just having their chakra so close made his skin crawl after only fifteen minutes. He couldn’t work like this. There was still so much he needed to do and he would get none of it done if he stayed here. The two men who shared his office were perfectly pleasant people but he was used to them not being around during work hours and having what he had come to view as his own space invaded like this was simply too distracting to function as a productive environment. 

He needed somewhere else to work. 

Gathering all the things he thought he would need for the rest of the day, Tobirama neatly sealed the lot of it in to one of the storage scrolls he kept in the bottom drawer and stuffed that in his pocket. Again he tried not to make eye contact and keep his body language as casual as he could while escaping the room so neither of his officemates would know they had chased him away without doing anything more than sitting there. 

The first place he headed for was a floor above, two more brilliant chakra signatures which drew him in like a warm embrace rather than chasing him away with discomfort. With the door standing open he didn’t even need to knock, although he probably would have heard the two of them carrying on even with it closed. Only partway down the hall he was already smothering a grin, warmth in his chest, hiding away his laughter as he listened to Madara chastise his best friend for – as far as he could make out – eating so loudly the entire building could apparently hear him. The first thing Tobirama saw when he peeked around the corner was Hashirama with a bento box between his hands and tears streaming down his cheeks. Long years of brotherhood steered him more towards fanning the flames than anything resembling sympathy. 

“What is all the ruckus?” he asked, catching both of their attention. “It sounds like boulders crashing together, the whole building is shaking.” 

Hashirama burst in to fresh wails denouncing them both as meanie-heads while Madara stuffed a fist in his mouth to muffle what would doubtless have been a very loud bark of laughter. After he’d gotten himself a little more under control he lowered his hand and offered a grin. “’Lo.” 

“Mn, hello anata.” Tobirama kept his expression mild as he stepped inside, using Hashirama's distraction as an opportunity to drop a kiss on his husband’s cheek. “Having a good afternoon?”

“I was until Champ Chomp over there got in to the snack his wife brought him.”

“Ah. Yes he can get a little too enthusiastic with chewing.” With a pause to glare at his brother, now paying the two of them rapt attention, he was glad he’d gotten in his affections when they were still unobserved. Hashirama had a habit of making a big deal out of every small gesture. 

Just like he was clearly waiting to do now. “Aw, come on, no sweet kiss for your hubby?”

“Please do not ever use that word again,” Madara growled. 

“Seconded.”

“Let’s pretend he’s not here. Did you need something?” His husband looked up at him with the practiced ease of someone who was all too used to ignoring the pathetic sounds of Hashirama whining at them for being mean to him again. 

“I only came to tell you not to wait for me at the end of the day, you can walk home with Izuna if you like. My space has been invaded here so I’m heading out to use the office at the house. Was there anything specific you felt like for dinner? If you have a guess for when you’ll be home I could get things started.”

Madara considered it then shook his head. “Don’t start anything. I’ll pick something up from the market on my way home and we can cook together.” 

“I’d like that.” Tobirama granted him half a smile then waited for Hashirama to sniffle and rub his eyes before darting in for another lightning fast kiss. “That’s all I wanted. Have a good day for what’s left of it, I will see you at home. Anija, do try to let him get at least some work done, yes?” 

He didn’t bother to wave to either of them but nor did he bother to turn and exit back through the door. Leaving by window was much more efficient and came with the added benefit of bypassing anyone in the tower who might catch him and drop more work in his lap. Then too there was the fact that he could feel his father’s chakra loitering near the front entrance to the building that he would have otherwise needed to go through and after such an idiotic meeting earlier he had no desire to speak with the man. Since the window he’d leapt out of was several stories up Tobirama chose the easy route of landing in a nearby tree and swinging down in to a little-used courtyard where it was unlikely anyone had witnessed his quick escape. When he slipped out on to the streets he had already pulled his clothing back in to order, not a single hint left behind that he’d been swinging around through the buildings like a monkey. 

For the most part his plan to spend the rest of the work day at home had been to avoid his coworkers so it should go without saying that Tobirama was not the most social of creatures. There were very few people in the village whose company he would cheerfully accept and even fewer he would happily seek out. His husband, bless the man’s heart, functioned much the same. It was therefore almost a surprise to come home and find the wards already disarmed to denote a guest familiar enough to have dismantled them. 

Surprise only lasted as long as it took him to walk in to the kitchen and discover Susumu up on a stool trying to fit what looked like a large tin inside the cupboard over the fridge. At the sound of him entering she froze for a few moments, the two of them standing perfectly still, staring each other down. Finally she grunted. 

“Well are you going to help me or not?”

“I find myself unwilling to ask why but yes, of course.” 

Allowing himself a bemused smile, Tobirama stepped close enough to take the tin from her and place it neatly in to one of the cupboards Madara also could not reach. Considering her choice of where to put it he figured he could guess what was inside even without asking. She might be soft enough to leave her precious students sweets every so often but she certainly wasn’t nice enough to make them easy for him to find. 

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” she asked after hopping back down from the chair she’d been using as a perch. 

“I came home to work here. My office got invaded.” His brow wrinkled to see her leave the chair where it was without pushing it back in, frowning until she rolled her eyes and put it away properly. 

“Well you came home just in time, I guess. I was gonna set up a bunch of pranks around here but it’s not as much fun if you’re expecting them. Another day, maybe.” 

Tobirama eyed her for a moment but let that go without questions too. Until now the few times she had broken in to their home to leave sweets he wasn’t aware of any pranks left behind. Of course, that could have been because Madara was too embarrassed to tell him about them later or perhaps it had only happened in the months when they weren’t getting along. He wasn’t sure how he felt about whatever madness she might leave behind in their safe space but if it got him a laugh at his husband’s expense…

Looking around to make sure all evidence of her visit had been erased, Susumu waved cheerfully and announced her intentions to leave, pausing after only two steps when Tobirama held up one hand. 

“May I ask your advice on something?” he asked. She raised her eyebrows curiously. 

“You’ve got my attention, sweetcakes.”

“I’m assuming after spending so many years teaching Madara you would have gotten to know Izuna quite well too. If you were planning to give him a gift that you weren’t sure he wanted to accept, how might you go about presenting it to him?”

“Oh?” Her brows lifted even higher. “Is someone trying to buy off his brother-in-law’s affection?”

Tobirama huffed. “Not exactly.”

“Hmm. The most important thing to consider is that he’s a prideful little shit and if you try to give something that suggests he needs something from you he won’t take it well. Do you want a little help brainstorming some good ideas?” 

“Not necessary, I already know what I wish to gift him. I simply don’t know how to give it without turning his nose up.”

Susumu laughed. “Yeah, he does get a little prissy. Okay a lot prissy. The kids a walking bitch face but I love him to pieces, I’m glad to see you’re trying to get along with him too. Even if he doesn’t really deserve it.  Alright, well, if you’re sure the gift is a good one then I’d say the best thing to do would be to ambush him in public with someone he respects nearby to discourage him from making a spectacle of himself.” One finger tapped at her chin as her eyes rolled towards the ceiling in thought. “This is probably going to make no sense but it would also help if you could make it all about him without making a big spectacle of him.”

“Focus my own attention only on him without drawing the attention of others?” Tobirama surmised. He knew he’d guessed right when she landed an approval punch on one of his arms. 

“Exactly, you get it. Make sure Madara's there too. It might hurt your pride but if you’re looking to make Izuna happy then there’s nothing he’ll like more than seeing you humble yourself in front of your husband.” 

“Much as I hate to admit it, you’re probably right about that. Thank you, Susumu, your advice has been invaluable. I appreciate it.” He really hoped she knew that his appreciation covered the last time she gave him advice as well because he still hadn’t figured out how to say ‘thanks for the sex talk’ and he wasn’t sure he ever would. 

Whether she knew or not she did look nod graciously in response to his words.

“Need anything else, sugar?”

“I should get to work, actually. Should I tell Madara about the cookies or are you hoping he only finds them after they’ve gone stale?” 

She laughed. “Ehhh wait a day or two and then tell him I left ‘something somewhere’. It’ll drive him nuts. You’re a good kid, Tobirama. A damn good kid. Keep it up, yeah?”

After laying another friendly hit on his arm that would probably bruise heavily she left, blatantly ignoring his grumbles that he had technically been a legal adult for several years now, he was not a ‘kid’. Tobirama eyed the cupboard above their fridge for a few long moments as he considered her suggestions before setting that issue aside to be dealt with when he had more free time to let his thoughts wander. 

He did slip the tin back out to snag a cookie for himself before retreating to the office, though. If Madara wasn’t going to enjoy these fresh then someone should, at least. 

[mom-of-today]

Two Year Update

I am clearly no good at remembering to do a blog. I am attempting to make some changes in the way I do my day-to-day life, and that includes posting more things, in more places, more often. I have time, it’s all any of us have right now, I just choose not to prioritize doing things with that time. I get sucked into the endless feelings of having so much that I can’t bring myself to do any of the things I wanted to do. 

Today I am taking a step forward in attempting to change that. Because it’s 9:30 pm and while I could be watching something on TV, or doing something that is much less productive, I am choosing to use that time to put myself back together. I want to be an active participant in my own life and the things that I want to do, and sometimes I think that that gets lost when you are dealing with being a mother/wife/caregiver. All too often we get left behind in the conversation, so I am taking back my narrative. 

The last time I was on this page we were living in Spokane, WA and trying to make the best of things there. It was already starting to go downhill swiftly because my husband was unhappy with his job and the things that he was being asked to do. It wouldn’t be too much longer before we were discussing changing jobs, finding something that made him happier, whatever that might mean for our family. Naturally this meant a second big move in exactly a year back to the very place we had just left. So we moved back to the Portland-Metro area and have been living back in the area for another year. Our baby is two years old now, and it has just flown by, but it’s also been so many huge shifts and changes that I definitely fell back into the habit of being “the wife” and “the mother” but nothing else. 

You know what tends to be hard on a mother? Only being defined by the things she has become, rather than something she has chosen for herself. I love being a mother, and I love being a wife, but those are not my defining features. I am more than just a woman who gave birth and got married (yes in that order, even); I am a college graduate who loves to write, bake, and be surrounded by her friends and family (at least for a few hours). I have my own ideas, thoughts, and drives, but I am generally more pressed into the needs of others, partly because of the way I have always chosen to live my life, but also because of the pressure that society puts on me (and all women specifically) to be pliable, to wear all of the hats without complaint. You can be a mother, a wife, and have your own dreams, but you must attend to the needs of everyone else first, and then you can focus on yourself. 

All of that can honestly get so exhausting that by the end of the day it’s much easier to tune out the world with something that isn’t about us. We aren’t really taking “me” time, we are taking the small hour between the kids going to bed, and passing out in our own beds, to decompress in whatever way we can so we can get up the next day and do it all again. There have been entire days in which I lose track of all sense of time running back and forth dealing with three kids all day long. Making sure three kids have food, drink, and something to do. Giving them choices, but not too many choices, and sometimes forgetting that they haven’t done any of the things that I wanted them to do, but being mentally to drained to even deal with it.

Certainly I am lucky that I have three children at all, and I am lucky in so many ways that I get to be home with our children and not have to go to a “job,” but there are many days where my not-job-job feels like far more work than any job I have ever had in my life. It can also be far more rewarding than any job I have ever had, but there are times I am immeasurably jealous that my husband gets to leave the house for eight to ten hours a day and deal with adults. Not that I want his job, it’s exhausting in its own right and the level of politics being played there is asinine, but he gets the escape of the house. 

None of this has been helped by the current state of our world. The stress of trying to keep my family healthy, refusing to take my kids in public, losing the end of our school year, and suddenly becoming a homeschool parent, was awful. I cried more days than I didn’t. I slept horribly, if really at all. I was on edge, irritable, and felt like I was drowning. And I know it was a feeling shared by many of my parent-friends who found themselves suddenly juggling parenting, teaching, meetings, and some of them also had to juggle their day-jobs in the process of it all. All while unable to get the kids out and go see our friends, family who didn’t live with us, go to a park, or even the grocery store. Life went from busy and scheduled, to stagnant and frustrating in what felt like overnight. There was no time to say goodbye to friends because we didn’t know we wouldn’t get to see them again. We didn’t get to say goodbye to our amazing teachers, who handled this all with amazing grace and made the end of the year feel as normal as possible for our children. I am eternally grateful for the love and support we had from our teachers and the whole staff at our children’s school. They were such an amazing support network during this time and I am glad for the semi-sense of normalcy they provided. 

Being a parent during good times is hard enough, but being a parent when you are constantly trapped inside your home, unable to do anything or go anywhere has only made this whole thing more exhausting. The days all begin to blur together into one meaningless changing of the sun and moon. You go to sleep so exhausted you can’t even think, and wake up to do the same mindless activities day in and day out. You have the same conversations, the same arguments, the same everything. When my husband is off work on the weekends we have been finding socially distancing things to do just to get out of the house, and some days have definitely been harder than other days. 

This is one of those times where being a mother/wife/woman has been one of the most challenging. And as we continue to face so much uncertainty, I know that me and many of my friends are feeling the pressure to be the parent who stays home and keeps the children safe. We feel the need to give us our lives in order to be the caregiver. Sometimes I think that our society forgets that women aren’t the only ones who can play the caregiver role, and while I have been home anyways with our children, I know some people who have not been, who find themselves having to make that choice as availability of caregivers are limited in scale and scope right now. The best of times it’s hard to be the working-mother, but now more than ever there are challenges facing women (and certainly single-fathers, too) that cannot be over-looked. 

I hope you all are doing alright in this time. And despite being a mother, and just talking about how much giving we tend to do before putting ourselves first, I want you to know that I will, without question be there if you need someone to support you. I am here for you. As we wrap up PRIDE month I want all those who fall on the LGBTQIA+ that I will be your mother, I will love you, and I will protect you and your rights. June might be the month we celebrate you, put you first, but I will do that all the other 11 months, too. This mama has enough love in my heart for all the children. So if you need support, send me a message. If you’re a mama who needs support, send me a message. If you’re a single dad, send me a message (I’m not single, but happily married, but I can totally be your friend). I’m back to spread as much love, and real talk as I can. 

[ingek73]

Royals

8 Designers on What It’s Like to Dress Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex

8 Slides

By Gina Marinelli

August 2, 2019

Meghan Markle arrives at the Terrance Higgins Trust World AIDS Day charity fair at Nottingham Contemporary on December 1...

Christopher Furlong

Everyone remembers their first time. They compare it to feeling like a kid on Christmas morning and recall their phones exploding with more notifications than humanly possible to respond to. Some need to take a step back in order to fully understand the significance of the moment—when Meghan Markle gave their fashion brand her personal stamp of approval.

Influencer marketing may be powerful, but these brands can attest: Not much compares to the Duchess of Sussex's being photographed wearing one of your pieces, triggering the Meghan Markle Effect. It can shift conversations entirely for those already established brands, and it can throw a little-known at-home operation onto the global stage in an instant.

“In terms of growing our business exponentially, Meghan has enabled us to do this in a very tangible, immediate way,” says James Bartle, founder and CEO of Outland Denim. The Australian brand is on a mission to create responsibly made denim while supporting ethical work conditions, especially in its facility in Cambodia. Markle wore the label repeatedly during her royal tour of Australia in 2018, and its sales skyrocketed, allowing the under-the-radar business to grow. “You cannot put a price on the brand recognition nor the credibility that the duchess is able to bestow on a small, socially oriented enterprise such as ours,” says Bartle.

Outland's success story isn't unique. Many other designers that the Duchess of Sussex has touched since her public persona shifted from actress to royalty, British Vogue guest editor, curator of her own fashion collection, and [pal to Beyoncé],(https://www.glamour.com/story/beyonce-meghan-markle-lion-king) can attest to her impact. In their own words, the designers ahead explain exactly what happened when Markle wore their creations.

1/8

Sentaler

Meghan Markle was initially introduced to Sentaler when she visited the flagship showroom while living in Toronto. She had been seen wearing Sentaler coats in Toronto while out and about as well as while she was filming Suits. Before her engagement to Prince Harry, it was amazing to see her continue to wear the brand. She was seen wearing the Sentaler Royal Baby Alpaca Classic Wrap in Sand Grey, which instantly spiked global demand and we now call the Meghan Wrap.

The most significant appearance—and one of the most memorable days for me as a designer—was when Meghan once again appeared in Sentaler during her first official appearance with the queen, during the Christmas service in Sandringham in 2017. She wore the Long Wide Collar Wrap Coat in Camel, a signature style that has been in my collections from the early days. She styled it impeccably, and I was so honored that she chose to wear Sentaler on such a significant day for her.

Meghan appeared in Sentaler once again in early 2019, wearing the Long Wide Collar Wrap Coat in our fall 2019 Color of the Year, Scarlet Red. This was one of Meghan’s most memorable appearances. The bold, unconventional red and purple color combination was striking and so perfectly put together.

We've experienced the Meghan Markle Effect many times. The impact of her appearances are tremendous and always cause a major spike in our e-commerce traffic and social media channels. Every coat she has worn has immediately sold out and gone on multiple back orders, while also causing similar ripple effects throughout our entire product offerings. We received media attention and awareness from all over the world. She's an incredible style icon, and her influence is simply palpable. —Bojana Sentaler, president and creative director of Sentaler

2/8

Karen Walker

Her royal highness’s style feels very authentic to me. It isn’t forced at all—it’s real and captures her personality. That’s what people love about her approach to fashion.

She first wore our designs in 2014 and many times since, but I think my favorite moment would have to be when she emerged from a plane, after touching down in New Zealand, wearing our Banks Trench. It was a thrill to have her first official appearance in my country wearing one of our pieces—and wearing it so well.

Obviously, anytime the right product is worn by the right person at the right time, there’s a commercial impact. We’ve been lucky enough to experience that on countless occasions with all sorts of people and from all areas of our work. However, with her royal highness, there was something even more: an interest, intrigue, and genuine curiosity about her that reaches past any other notable person we’ve ever had wear our pieces. She’s probably the person I get asked about most, and I think that that speaks to the real affection people have for her. —Karen Walker

3/8

Charlotte Elizabeth

On March 23, 2018, the Duchess of Sussex stepped off a plane in Belfast, where she was attending a royal engagement alongside Prince Harry. This was one of their final outings before the wedding, so the Meghan Markle Effect was in full force. At the time Charlotte Elizabeth was running from my bedroom—among bags here, there, and everywhere in my parents' house!—so it felt monumental seeing the duchess happily wearing the Chestnut Bloomsbury bag so beautifully among other well-respected designers. It was the most surreal day of my life.

Within seconds of the duchess wearing the Bloomsbury, we had orders from around the world. Our Instagram pretty much broke my phone. At that moment in time, I was a one-man band, so it was a pretty crazy experience, to say the least!

Over the weekend that followed the royal engagement, I began to realize the [impact of] the Meghan Markle Effect. Because each bag was handmade, we had to extend the wait time to eight months. We worked tirelessly to fulfill every order. It was tough to go from bedroom business to a larger one overnight and sacrifice other parts of life, but I have learned so many invaluable lessons throughout this experience, which has set me up for our future at Charlotte Elizabeth. An industry expert told me that what I experienced in a year was what most start-ups would in 10 years, so I’m grateful for every lesson and challenge I learned from.

Eventually we caught up with our wait list, which was the greatest sense of relief ever. I ordered myself a big cheesy pizza and I finally got some sleep (without dreaming of packing up bags for delivery)! I'm really excited to announce that we will be launching new Charlotte Elizabeth products later this year. It really is down to each and every individual supporting us to get us to where we are and where we are going. I'm deeply grateful to have been given such a tremendous opportunity and wish to use our success to inspire other women to go after their own dreams.

If I’m totally honest, it definitely didn’t sink in for about a year…. I have loved watching the gentle transition of Meghan’s style since announcing her pregnancy through now. As women, we all experience changes throughout our life that influence how we wish to portray ourselves in the world through fashion and beauty. It must be even tougher in the scrutiny of the public eye to go through such changes, but the duchess continues to inspire through her fashion choices and ability to create a look according to the event. Meghan gives us all a sense of realness, and ability to re-create attainable looks fit for a duchess! —Charlotte Elizabeth Jones, founder of Charlotte Elizabeth

4/8

Outland Denim

The first time the Duchess of Sussex appeared in Outland Denim was October 17, 2018, during the duke and duchess's visit to Dubbo. At the time I was in Cambodia visiting our production facility. I woke up to hundreds of notifications on my phone. Our staff couldn't quite believe a duchess was wearing our jeans! Meghan continued to wear her Harriet Black jeans several times during that visit.

Meghan's choosing to wear Outland Denim once is a reflection of alignment with our values. But the fact that she has chosen to wear the brand multiple times shows her preference for the product’s fit, comfort, and style, and perhaps a desire to help us achieve our mission as well. It's her subtle, dignified way of saying she cares about the work we are doing.

Meghan has opened doors for Outland Denim. She’s enabled us to not only create visibility for our brand globally but also to tell our story around the employment of vulnerable women and sustainability. Retailers, the media, and the public alike have been very keen to get to know Outland Denim thanks to her endorsement.

The immediate effect of the duchess's wearing the jeans was a website traffic increase of 3,000% to our home site and about 948% to our global group of sites. Sales increased 640% for the week following the first sighting of Meghan in our jeans. The black Harriet jeans she wore sold out in Australia in the first 24 hours.

Thanks to the Meghan Markle Effect, we were able to employ a further 46 seamstresses in our Cambodian production. When you think about the fact that what we try to do with Outland is imbue our staff members in Cambodia with a sense of dignity in their work and their value as human beings, a quiet, dignified royal endorsement such as this—while unofficial, in the sense that we don't have a Kensington Palace seal/badge—is incredibly helpful. —James Bartle, founder and CEO of Outland Denim

5/8

Strathberry

We were simply delighted when Meghan Markle chose to carry our Strathberry Midi Tote during her first royal engagement with Prince Harry in Nottingham in 2017. Then seeing her in our hometown of Edinburgh with our East/West Mini was an absolute honor. Her outing in Dublin was a special one for me, being from the Emerald Isle.

Immediately following her first outing in Nottingham, we saw sales increase considerably (by 200% to 300%). Visitor numbers to the website were also amazing. At one stage, they were up tenfold against our daily average. We had already started to take the brand international, but the support from Markle has definitely helped elevate Strathberry further. It has been such an exciting time of growth for the brand. We now employ over 30 people in our Edinburgh headquarters, with smaller teams working in Spain, London, and China. We have also just opened our second flagship store on London’s iconic Mount Street, following the opening of our first boutique in Burlington Arcade last November.

Meghan Markle always looks elegant and effortless. She mixes high-end designers with more affordable brands, which makes her style more relatable and approachable. It's also fantastic that she has been willing to support smaller brands, which in turn helps to promote and grow these labels. —Leeanne Hundleby, founder and co-owner of Strathberry

6/8

Nonie

Meghan Markle's style today has seen an incredible evolution as she’s embraced royal standards while still honoring her personal taste. She brings a modern, contemporary approach with regal flair. More than anything, I think she radiates her personality through her clothing. She knows who she is and isn’t afraid to be herself with her personal expression in fashion.

When Markle wore the classic Sleeveless Trench in Blush as a dress to the Nelson Mandela Centenary Exhibition in July 2018, it marked a monumental moment for both myself and the brand. Her effortless approach to style radiated impeccably through photos, and I think she styled it perfectly. I was tremendously honored to have her royal stamp of approval and see her nod to her previous home in Canada by supporting Canadian designers. Her unofficial endorsement helped change the future of the brand, something I'm forever grateful for.

I still feel the effect today—it's incredible. The moment she wore the trench, we sold out immediately and had a generous wait list. Because of the demand, we had to go to the mill and produce more fabric specifically for the trench dress. To this day, we're still producing the trench! Markle's support has aided in generating international recognition and global exposure for the brand on an expedited time frame. The global reaction was immediate. —Nina Kharey, founder and creative director of Nonie

7/8

Adina Reyter

The first time was the best. Meghan Markle wore the 3 Amigos Diamond post earrings to her first public engagement with the queen. I spotted my piece on the cover of a magazine—a profile of her face, a beautiful smile—and I felt a rush of excitement and shock. How did she get my earrings? Am I dreaming? We jumped through hoops in the office to figure out how this could have happened and figured out she had bought them on her own. Totally thrilling! Meghan has since worn two additional pieces, the Pavé Diamond Teardrop Necklace and Large Pavé Curve Wing Earrings, many times.

I loved the way she styled each piece—sometimes formal, most times casual. She seemed to have never taken them off, which is exactly how I designed them. Meghan’s style is simple, classic, chic, and most important, accessible. Fashion doesn’t have to be incredibly costly, and women are smart shoppers: They want to invest in pieces that are going to last. Meghan exemplifies the woman who trusts her own taste and doesn't chase trends. The fact that she chooses to wear us over and over is an honor and a testament to our brand identity: accessible fine jewelry that is designed for everyday wear.

Every time Meghan Markle appears in our jewelry, it immediately sells out on adinareyter.com and with our retailers. When Meghan wore our Diamond Pavé Teardrop Necklace, it sold out online within minutes and with all retailers nationwide by end of day. One of our most popular retailers reordered the necklace nine times and still can’t keep it in stock! —Adina Reyter

8/8

Theia

It was her royal highness's visit to the island nation of Tonga, where she wore a custom Theia gown to the state dinner hosted by the king and queen at Nuku'alofa. I felt like a six-year-old on Christmas morning! I was running around the house screaming with delight at 5:25 a.m.

It was a remarkable vote of confidence in Theia, to have been chosen to be included in that all-important royal tour, knowing every outfit would be scrutinized by the entire world. Her royal highness looked absolutely radiant, and the positive reviews she received the world over in our ivory gown were thrilling. She styled the gown with a black Givenchy clutch and the Aquazzura slingbacks. The icing on the cake was the fabulous aquamarine ring that once belonged to Princess Diana and was a gift to the duchess from her husband, the Duke of Sussex. I couldn’t have wished for a greater endorsement of my work and our brand.

Our brand was instantly talked about around the world. We're still trying to determine the long-term effect it had, but we saw huge spikes in our Instagram and web traffic. The day she wore it, we saw an additional 42,000 views on our Instagram profile and an additional 13,000 visits to our website.

The effect has been remarkable. The entire nation of Ireland collectively shared in my elation. "We" had dressed the Duchess of Sussex, and a wave of national pride swept across the nation. It truly was a remarkable day for me, my family, my colleagues here at Theia, and practically everyone on Ireland.

Her royal highness is chic, elegant, and modern. She’s a marvelous role model and an intelligent woman with an all-inclusive view of the world. And I love her clean, streamlined choices. —Don O'Neill, creative director of Theia

[georgialouisea]

Can’t Plan Perfect

Pairing - Dean x Reader, Sam, Castiel, Jack, Mary.

Word Count - 3.2k

Warnings - Fluff, swearing, mentions of sex, adorable Dean, drinking.

Summary - Dean tries to make his proposal perfect but the universe has other plans.

March 21st 2018.

“When? Tonight?” You asked stretching out on the couch Dean’s fingers running through your hair as your head rested in his lap. “Why?”

“Because I want to take my girl out for a nice dinner, can’t I spoil you without twenty questions?” His hand stopped. “Why’re you smiling at me like that?”

“I like it when you call me your girl.”

His fingers continued to run through your hair. “Want me to call you my girl more?”

“Maybe.” Winking at him Sam cleared his throat from the doorway. “I’m going to go get ready, see you at six Winchester.” Rolling off the couch and his lap you walked towards your shared room.

Sam waited for the bedroom lock to click before he spoke. “Tonight’s really the night huh?”

“Yes, yes it is Sammy, so do not disturb us.” Dean raised a finger at his brother.

Sam held his hands up taking a step back. “Life or death only I promise.”

-

“I have never eaten anything as good as that steak.” Dean’s knife and fork dropped onto his plate, his eyes rolling back slightly.

“That good?”

Nodding he smiled at you. “Oh yeah.” As the plates were taken away his hand took yours across the table. “God, you’re beautiful.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“No you’re beautiful, I have no idea why you’re even with me, you’re literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love you, will you-” His phone ran in his jacket pocket with the one ringtone that had you catching the waiter's eye for the cheque and your coats. Pulling the phone to his ear the look on Dean’s face made your stomach drop. “Yeah, yeah we’re on our way home now.” He growled down the phone as he paid the bill.

April 8th 2018.

“Hey! Come on.” Dean held his hand out towards you.

“What?”

“Take my hand come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“For a drive.”

“Dean I’m in yoga pants and your flannel it’s nearly midnight do we have to?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.” Taking his hand you got out of bed with a small groan.

“Hop on my back, I’ll give you a piggy back ride to the car.

Jumping on his back your arms and legs wrapped around him. “Will I need shoes wherever we’re going?”

“Nope, I’ll carry you.”

“Such a gentleman.”

“I always am.”

-

“Clearest night in Kansas.” He mumbled kissing your forehead as you both lay on Baby’s hood, his arms wrapped around you as a blanket covered you both.

Staring up at the stars your hand moved across his chest you felt his heart beat under your fingertips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“This is nice.” Closing your eyes you relaxed against him.

“Hey, no you can’t fall asleep on me.” Dean gently shook your arm. “I need to ask you something.”

“Yes to whatever it is, I just want to sleep under the stars with you.”

Dean’s phone rang from inside the Impala, the emergency ringtone filling the car as Dean rolled off the hood pulling you to the edge, he wrapped the blanket around your shoulders quickly getting you settled in the passenger seat before he answered the call. “What? Yes, okay.” Rolling his eyes he started up baby.

Shifting across the bench you rested against his side, his arm wrapping around you holding you close. “I love you.” Closing your eyes your head rested against his shoulder, the gentle rocking of the car slowly lulled you to sleep as Dean drove you home.

April 27th 2018.

Dean’s arms wrapped around your waist his chin resting on your shoulder. “What’re you cooking?”

“Bacon and eggs, I’m nearly done.”

He gave your waist a squeeze. “Want me to take over?”

“Only if you want to.”

“You want coffee?”

“God yes.”

Dean sat down opposite you serving you up a plate, his ass had barely touched the seat before he’d stuffed bacon in his mouth moaning as he chewed.

“Want some alone time with your bacon?” You asked as he devoured another mouthful.

“No, I want some alone time with you for once.”

“Dean we have the whole bunker to ourselves, everyone’s gone.”

“How many days do we have?”

“Three.” You answered finishing off your breakfast.

“We have the weekend alone?”

“Yes, we do Mr I want alone time with my girlfriend.”

“What? I want to look at your beautiful face all day.” He smiled dropping his fork onto his plate. “So what are we doing today?”

“I have a few ideas.” Winking at him you got up with a smile on your face walking towards your bedroom you could hear Dean scrambling to catch up with you.

-

“Well, that was… wow…” His arm wrapped around your waist.

Running a hand across his chest you smiled at him. “Yeah, wow, we haven’t done that in a while.”

Taking your hand his fingers intertwined with yours. “I love you.” Pressing a kiss to your forehead he couldn’t help but smile at you. “I love you so much, you know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“So getting kidnapped by vampires was a good thing then?”

“Well I wouldn’t recommend it again but yeah kind of was.” He gave your hand a small squeeze. “I love you so much, you’re perfect, you’re beautiful, so smart and funny.”

“Keep complimenting me I like it.”

“Not hard to do because you’re perfect, your eyes are beautiful they’re my favourite thing about your beautiful face.”

“Did you touch a hex bag or something you’re being awfully nice to me.”

“What I can’t tell my girlfriend how much I love her?”

“Yeah okay, you can carry on.”

Dean rolled you both over, hovering over you he kept his weight off you as he rested on a forearm peppering your face with kisses, reaching out he opened his bedside drawer his fingertips brushed against the small black velvet box that was going to change your lives forever.

The bedroom door flew open bouncing off the wall, Dean’s fingertips wrapped around his gun twisting as he sat up he had you behind him as he aimed at the threat.  

“Dean, Y/N, we need you.” Castiel’s gravelly voice filled the room.

“For fuck sake Cas!” Dean yelled reaching back he grabbed a pillow launching it at the angel. “Get the fuck out!”

Resting your forehead against Dean’s back sighing you wrapped an arm around his waist. “Well, there goes our alone time.”

May 12th 2018.

Dean’s arms wrapped around your waist his chin resting on your shoulder, his eyes roaming your body in the full-length mirror as you put in the earrings Dean got you for your anniversary. “God, you’re gorgeous.” Kissing up your neck you could feel him smiling against your skin.

Pushing him away you turned to face him. “Don’t start that or we’ll never leave the room.” Smoothing down the black skin tight dress you were wearing, sure the neckline was a little low but it was vegas, who cares.

A knock at your hotel room door had Dean walked towards it letting Sam in.

“Hey, are you two ready to go … oh my God.” Sam’s stared at you with wide eyes.

Dean shoved at his brother’s shoulder sending him staggering forwards. “Hey, eyes above the shoulders Sammy.” Walking towards you Dean grabbed your clutch off the bed he handed it to you.

“Shit, sorry.” Sam blinked trying to focus on your face. “You look beautiful Y/N.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

Dean’s arms wrapped around your waist pulling you flush against him his lips crashed into yours.

Sam cleared his throat when you didn’t stop he did it again and louder. “Dean, come on man.”

Pulling away from Dean you smiled towards Sam. “Sorry Sammy, let’s go.” Walking towards the door you paused when neither Winchester followed you, turning around Dean was biting his lip as he watched you. “We doin’ Vegas or what?”

“Dude -” Sam chuckled. “You’re gonna be fighting men off all night.”

“I know.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m also finally gonna ask her to marry me so please dear Chuck don’t ruin this one for me.”

Sam held his hands up taking a step backwards. “Won’t ruin it, I promise.”

“Boys come on! The tequila ain’t gonna drink itself.”

-

“Where are we going?” You asked Dean as he gently pulled you through the crowds.

“Shh, you’ll find out.”

Rolling your eyes you let him lead you to wherever he was taking you, coming to a stop outside the Bellagio he smiled down at you. “No.”

“You always said you wanted to see it and every time we’ve done Vegas we’ve been too drunk or hungover.”

“Dean this is amazing.” His arms wrapped around you from behind as you watched the fountains together.

As the fountains died down and the crowd thinned Dean’s arms left you. “Y/N Y/LN, will you-”

Your phone rang in your pocket pulling it out you answered it with a knitted brow. “Sammy?”

“Mhm, wheres ya go?” He slurred down the phone, turning to face Dean he had a hand stuffed in a pocket. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m here Sam, where are you?” Taking Dean’s hand you walked away from the mass of people.”

“France.”

Chuckling you stopped walking. “What where is he?” Dean asked giving your hand a squeeze.

“You’re in France?” You raised a brow at your boyfriend. “You see the Eiffel tower?”

“Yup.” The little puppy sounded so happy with himself.

Smiling at Dean he still wasn’t fully aware of what was going on. “Okay, stay on the phone Sammy, we’re gonna come get ya.”

It didn’t take long to find him, Vegas Sam let loose and this year he went hard, Dean had to practically carry him back to the hotel you’d tried to offer your support but when Sam fully leaned on you your knees buckled at the weight and high heels combination.

Flopping Sam down onto the bed Dean took your hand pulling you towards the door, he looked back at you with a furrowed brow when you dug your heels in. “What?”

“We can’t leave him like that.”

“He’s left me in worse states.” Dean sighed.

Sam rolled onto his back his hands pulling at his belt trying and failing to get the buckle open.

“Help me with him then I’m all yours for the night.”

It didn’t take long for you both to get Sam down to his boxers and tucked up in bed as he mumbled away to himself.

“Sammy, your phone’s charging, you have water and we’re in room four zero two okay?” Dean got up from where he sat on the bed.

“Okay.” Sam sighed. “Are you and Dean en-” Dean slapped his hand over Sam’s mouth before he could finish talking.

“Just sleep it off Sam, we’ll probably see you tomorrow afternoon.” Dean took his hand away smiling at you he took your hand leading you out of the room. “He’ll be fine.” Pulling the door shut he checked it was locked. “Come on let’s go to bed.”

June 20th 2018.

Dean carried your bags towards your room, an actual hotel room, you hadn’t stayed in a real hotel room in over a month, not since Vegas. Throwing the door open he dumped the bags onto the couch, the room was huge, really modern and beautifully decorated.

“This is ours for the week, no monsters, no demons, no angels, just me and you and a hell of a lot of room service and spa time.” Dean walked towards you his arms wrapping around your waist. “Just us.”

“Did you turn the heat off?” You cuddled closer to Dean.

His arm held you against him. “No, did you?”

“No, it just got really cold in here right?”

“Yeah.” Slipping out of bed he picked his jeans up off the floor pulling them on he moved towards his duffel pulling his gun out he checked every inch of the rooms.

Pulling the sheets closer around you as you sat up resting against the headboard. “Dean?”

Walking back into the bedroom with a scowl on his face he handed you his gun. “Where’s my phone?”

“I don’t know, mine’s charging on the dresser.”

Crossing the room he grabbed it dialling someone on speaker he sat next to you.

“Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Sam, we’re gonna need your help apparently I managed to book us the only five-star hotel in a hundred-mile radius from the bunker that’s fucking haunted, will you look into the background, find out who died here and where they’re buried so I can burn the bastard.”

“Why can’t you two look into it on your end?”

“Because my girlfriend is naked in bed next to me and there’s no monster that’s going to distract me from that.”

“Are you serious?”

“Deadly, call us later when you know everything.” Hanging up he threw the phone onto the bedside table.

“So this place is haunted huh?” Giving his gun back it joined your phone.

“Yep.” Flopping down next to you his arms wrapped around you. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Bringing you to a fucking haunted hotel.”

“Dean it’s fine if this week ends up with us hunting it’s fine, that’s just how our lives are.”

-

What Dean originally thought would be a simple salt and burn turned into a 2-day long hunt ending with you both battered and bruised. One ghost had turned out to be three all with graves that were nearly impossible to find, you were both exhausted, in pain and grouchy, you were going to be heading home from your mini break worse than you would a wendigo hunt.

Dean helped you into the passenger seat as you clutched your ribs. “You good?” With a nod he shut the door, walking around the Impala he slid in next to you. “You sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” He glanced at your hand on your ribs. “It might be cracked or broken.”

Shaking your head you smiled at him. “I’ve done both before they’re just bruised.”

“Ready to go home?” Dean asked roaring baby to life.

“God yes, I want our bed.”

“Me too.” Pulling out of the hotel car park he smiled at you. “Next time we book a break we’re sending Cas to scope out the place first.”

July 20th 2018.

Rolling over in bed you reached out for Dean only to touch the empty mattress next to you. “Dean?” You croaked out only to be met by silence, glancing at the alarm clock it was nearly 10 am you should have been awake hours ago. Ever since your ruined break a month ago you’d both taken it slow to get back to work, letting your bodies properly heal, hell you were yet to go on a hunt, Dean had an actually simple salt and burn a week ago with Sam.

Putting on Dean’s beloved dead man’s robe over the pyjama combo you were favouring recently, made up of one of Dean’s old v necks and a pair of sleep shorts. Grabbing a hair tie you scraped your hair up into a bun on top of your head, not bothering to check how you looked you just wanted a cup of coffee and your morning cuddle from Dean. Moving towards the noise you followed the chatter to the kitchen.

Walking in Sam smiled at you, handing you a cup of coffee he kissed your cheek. “Morning.”

“Thanks, morning, what’s going on?” Sam walked back to help Mary at the stove, Castiel, Jack and Dean sat at the table. Moving towards Dean he gently pulled you into his lap.

“We’re apparently having a family breakfast as we’re all home, Mom’s idea.” He kissed you, not caring who was in the room.

“Mary, that’s a lovely idea, do you need any help?”

“Yeah, can you help me plate everything up?”

Leaving your cup on the table you pecked Dean’s lips before you stood up to help Mary. Serving up everyone’s ‘orders’ you looked at the empty side of the table where Dean was previously sat, Jack’s eyes followed yours.

“He’s brushing his teeth.”

“Right before we eat, what a weirdo.” Shrugging you sat the plates down in front of Cas and Jack.

All plates were on the table you were all just waiting for Dean to return, the seat next to you empty and obviously meant for Dean with the mountain of bacon on his plate.

Dean walked back into the kitchen his brow creasing when everyone looked at him.

“Dude just sit and eat I’m starving.” Sam groaned.

“No, okay anyone says another word other than Y/N and I’ll shoot you in the leg.”

“Dean-” Sam stopped talking as soon as he saw his brother’s face.

“Y/N Y/L/N, you are the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me probably to all of us, you are literally perfect, there’s not one thing about you I’d change, all those years ago walking into a vamps nest I never thought I’d spend the next two weeks sat at the side of a stranger’s hospital bed after she’d fought so hard to survive, I never thought you’d say yes to a date with the strange man who saved you from monsters, I never thought you’d date the man who killed monsters for a living.” He smiled down at you his fingertips tucking stray hairs escaping your bun behind your ear, his palm gently cupping your cheek. “Y/N you’re it for me, you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.” His palm left your cheek his hand reaching into the pocket of his pyjama bottoms pulling out a small black box, dropping down onto one knee he opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver diamond ring. “Y/N, will you marry me?”

Your hand flew to cover your mouth you looked down at the green eyes love of your life down on one knee in front of you, pulling your hand away you smiled at him. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Dropping to the floor your arms wrapped around his neck. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” Feeling his arms wrap around you he sighed against your neck, his heart hammered against your chest.

Pulling away his hand cupped your cheek. “Yes?”

“Yes.” You nodded.

His hand took yours slipping the ring onto your finger. “You like it?”

“I love it.” Kissing him you only pulled away when Sam cleared his throat.

Standing up Dean helped you to your feet. “Hey, no you’ve ruined three proposals you don’t get to call the shots on when I can and can’t kiss my fiancée.” He sat down next to you, his palm giving your hand a squeeze.

“Three what?” You looked up at him.

“I’ve tried to propose to you five times over the past four months, there was either a hunt or Cas interrupting or sam getting drunk and then there was the whole haunted hotel shit, nothing was perfect, I planned for perfect because that’s what you deserve, perfect.”

“Dean, you can never plan for perfect, perfect just happens and today, today’s perfect.” Smiling up at him your hand covered his on your thigh. “Our lives will never be perfect to an outsider but to me our life is perfect.”

“So can we eat? I like bacon.” Jack looked towards Sam for confirmation.

“Yeah Jack, you can eat.” Dean chuckled at his lack of understanding of the situation.

“I love you, Dean Winchester.”

“I love you soon to be Y/N Winchester.”

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[siriusist]

Hi! I’ve been following you for a lil lil bit, but already you seem super smart and knowledgeable so.. what are some books or other pieces of writing you think everyone should read? Have a lovely day!

B’aww, thank you! <3 You too nonnie! <3

Just off the top of my head at three o’clock in the morning, and the qualification that you provided that its something that ‘everyone should read,’ I’m going to go for more books that I found changed me fundamentally, as a person, after reading them. That may be a self-help book; that might be a societal critique, that might be a work of classic literature. I tried to give a bit of everything. <3

 I’ll put a little copy-and-paste synopsis here for you for each book, and will elaborate if necessary in brackets. 

BEHOLD: LAUREN’S LIST OF LITERARY RECOMMENDATIONS:

From My (Non-Law) Bookcase (But still are about political issues):

Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger by Soraya Chemaly: 

‘As women, we’ve been urged for so long to bottle up our anger, letting it corrode our bodies and minds in ways we don’t even realize. Yet there are so, so many legitimate reasons for us to feel angry, ranging from blatant, horrifying acts of misogyny to the subtle drip, drip drip of daily sexism that reinforces the absurdly damaging gender norms of our society. In Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly argues that our anger is not only justified, it is also an active part of the solution. We are so often encouraged to resist our rage or punished for justifiably expressing it, yet how many remarkable achievements would never have gotten off the ground without the kernel of anger that fueled them? Approached with conscious intention, anger is a vital instrument, a radar for injustice and a catalyst for change. On the flip side, the societal and cultural belittlement of our anger is a cunning way of limiting and controlling our power—one we can no longer abide.’

Academic Ableism: Disability and Higher Education by Jay T. Dolmage:

‘Academic Ableism brings together disability studies and institutional critique to recognize the ways that disability is composed in and by higher education, and rewrites the spaces, times, and economies of disability in higher education to place disability front and center. For too long, argues Jay Timothy Dolmage, disability has been constructed as the antithesis of higher education, often positioned as a distraction, a drain, a problem to be solved. The ethic of higher education encourages students and teachers alike to accentuate ability, valorize perfection, and stigmatize anything that hints at intellectual, mental, or physical weakness, even as we gesture toward the value of diversity and innovation. Examining everything from campus accommodation processes, to architecture, to popular films about college life, Dolmage argues that disability is central to higher education, and that building more inclusive schools allows better education for all.’

(This book strays into more academic categories, but it’s still really great that this sort of book is being written. I personally recognise its value as someone with mental health struggles and who has had to fight ironically in the legal sphere for myself in terms of finding support within my own career moving forward as a lawyer/legal academic. I think the fact that the narrative that disabilities are seen as the antithesis of secondary education despite claims of diversity is something that all university students need to guard themselves against, or at least educate themselves on, in order to work against some systems that even though they espouse equality, might not have their best interests at heart. 

I’ve ironically found this especially terrible in law, where my first term of law school I was told ‘girls like you don’t go to law school,’ followed by constant questioning by the community at large after graduate that any hint of mental weakness equates to being unfit to practice law. This is despite the majority of lawyers having mental health problems, if not full blown addictions. It’s honestly why I’m pivoting back to academia (law prof), or moving to practice for the government (which enforces union restrictions on how long a lawyer can actually work, where firms just actually work them to death without union protections ironically; ugh. My whole point is, I’m not ashamed of having mental health problems in a field largely categorised by achievements in secondary education. I feel no reason to hide it, even though people tell me to. If someone is ashamed of me over something I had no control over developing, then I probably don’t want to be involved with them, do I? (A good method I recommend; it may cut off some superficial ‘friends’/’opportunities,’ but it leads to those who truly understand what a mental health disability may entail, and how strong you are for overcoming it).

White Fragility: Why It’s so Hard to for White People to Talk about Racism by Robin DiAngelo:

The New York Times best-selling book exploring the counterproductive reactions white people have when their assumptions about race are challenged, and how these reactions maintain racial inequality.

In this “vital, necessary, and beautiful book” (Michael Eric Dyson), antiracist educator Robin DiAngelo deftly illuminates the phenomenon of white fragility and “allows us to understand racism as a practice not restricted to ‘bad people’ (Claudia Rankine). Referring to the defensive moves that white people make when challenged racially, white fragility is characterized by emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and by behaviors including argumentation and silence. These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium and prevent any meaningful cross-racial dialogue. In this in-depth exploration, DiAngelo examines how white fragility develops, how it protects racial inequality, and what we can do to engage more constructively.

Two Mental Health-Related Books:

Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving by Celeste Headlee:

‘We work feverishly to make ourselves happy. So why are we so miserable?

Despite our constant search for new ways to optimize our bodies and minds for peak performance, human beings are working more instead of less, living harder not smarter, and becoming more lonely and anxious. We strive for the absolute best in every aspect of our lives, ignoring what we do well naturally and reaching for a bar that keeps rising higher and higher. Why do we measure our time in terms of efficiency instead of meaning? Why can’t we just take a break?

In Do Nothing, award-winning journalist Celeste Headlee illuminates a new path ahead, seeking to institute a global shift in our thinking so we can stop sabotaging our well-being, put work aside, and start living instead of doing. As it turns out, we’re searching for external solutions to an internal problem. We won’t find what we’re searching for in punishing diets, productivity apps, or the latest self-improvement schemes. Yet all is not lost - we just need to learn how to take time for ourselves, without agenda or profit, and redefine what is truly worthwhile.

Pulling together threads from history, neuroscience, social science, and even paleontology, Headlee examines long-held assumptions about time use, idleness, hard work, and even our ultimate goals. Her research reveals that the habits we cling to are doing us harm; they developed recently in human history, which means they are habits that can, and must, be broken. It’s time to reverse the trend that’s making us all sadder, sicker, and less productive, and return to a way of life that allows us to thrive.’

(I just read this book lately and I love it; it’s really follows the history of how we’ve come to this point where we can’t shut off our brains, and we see ourselves in this really puritanical, commercialist manner: How we define ourselves by how much we produce, and if we fall short of this goal by being (ironically) human, we berate ourselves for it. This really has let me shift my mentality towards a much healthier, less ‘workaholic’ mode in my COVID downtime, and really helped me move towards a healthier lifestyle in the jobs I’m searching for now that I’ve left school. Recommended for anyone taking the big leap into the full time work world).

Chained to the Desk by Bryan Robinson:

‘Americans love a hard worker. The worker who toils eighteen-hour days and eats meals on the run between appointments is usually viewed with a combination of respect and awe. But for many, this lifestyle leads to family problems, a decline in work productivity, and ultimately to physical and mental collapse. Intended for anyone touched by what Robinson calls “the best-dressed problem of the twenty-first century,” Chained to the Desk provides an inside look at workaholism’s impact on those who live and work with work addicts—partners, spouses, children, and colleagues—as well as the appropriate techniques for clinicians who treat them. Originally published in 1998, this groundbreaking book from best-selling author and widely respected family therapist Bryan E. Robinson was the first comprehensive portrait of the workaholic. In this new and fully updated third edition, Robinson draws on hundreds of case reports from his own original research and years of clinical practice. The agonies of workaholism have grown all the more challenging in a world where the computer, cell phone, and iPhone allow twenty-four-hour access to the office, even on weekends and from vacation spots. Adult children of workaholics describe their childhood pain and the lifelong legacies they still carry, and the spouses or partners of workaholics reveal the isolation and loneliness of their vacant relationships. Employers and business colleagues discuss the cost to the company when workaholism dominates the workplace. Chained to the Desk both counsels and consoles. It provides a step-by-step guide to help readers spot workaholism, understand it, and recover.’

(I also just read this one, and it’s an older book edited to a third edition, and it shows. However, it also does the important work of demonstrating how workaholics should be treated in the same category as anyone else who gets any sort of ‘high’ from something, like drugs or alcoholism. It opens with the quote (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Workaholicism is the best dressed addiction.” It’s the one we’re rewarded for constantly, not matter what mental toll it takes on us. While I’m not exactly ready to sign up for a twelve-step plan (and some of the chapters are specifically for spouses and children), it still dishes out some really good advice about feeding other areas of our lives and how to not simply focus on work.)

From My Undergraduate Degree (Classics and Double Minor in English and German Literature, with a little World Literature thrown in for good measure):

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe: 

THINGS FALL APART tells two overlapping, intertwining stories, both of which center around Okonkwo, a “strong man” of an Ibo village in Nigeria. The first of these stories traces Okonkwo's fall from grace with the tribal world in which he lives, and in its classical purity of line and economical beauty it provides us with a powerful fable about the immemorial conflict between the individual and society. The second story, which is as modern as the first is ancient, and which elevates the book to a tragic plane, concerns the clash of cultures and the destruction of Okonkwo's world through the arrival of aggressive, proselytizing European missionaries. These twin dramas are perfectly harmonized, and they are modulated by an awareness capable of encompassing at once the life of nature, human history, and the mysterious compulsions of the soul. THINGS FALL APART is the most illuminating and permanent monument we have to the modern African experience as seen from within.

(This is a classic of African Literature, and what I wrote my world literature paper on in first year. It really is a story about the affect of a fall of one culture, where Okonkwo is the prime example of what a ‘man’ may be in this society, to how this society (and African societies as a whole) are affected by European colonialism. How one man can be seen as a paradigm of perfection at one point in time, and the scourge of the earth at another, when he stubbornly holds to his ideals, no matter how flawed they may be. It’s a book I remember reading the ending of, and it’s a theme for all three of these books, and just looking down and literally letting out an, “Ooooooooh~~~~” xD That’s really my ‘tell’ of a good book. I haven’t reread it since then, but it’s always stuck with me). 

Animal Farm by George Orwell:

‘Perhaps one of the most influential allegories of the 20th century, George Orwell's Animal Farm has made its way into countless schoolrooms and libraries, and has been the inspiration of several films. Written in 1945, before Orwell's conceptually similar 1984, Animal Farm's world consists of anthropomorphized farm animals as they attempt to create an ideal society--it becomes dystopian as the flaws of the ideology seep out. Like 1984, Orwell meant for Animal Farm to represent a Communist state, and to depict its downfalls. With a message that is not soon to be forgotten, Animal Farm reminds us that "all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."’

(It’s stereotypical and you’ve probably read it, but I still love this book to pieces and literally have an Animal Farm pin on my bag xD If you haven’t read it, read it: It also has the OhhhOOohhh~ effect xD)

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury:

‘Ray Bradbury's internationally acclaimed novel Fahrenheit 451 is a masterwork of 20th-century literature set in a bleak, dystopian future.

Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family". But then he meets an eccentric young neighbor, Clarisse, who introduces him to a past where people didn’t live in fear and to a present where one sees the world through the ideas in books instead of the mindless chatter of television. When Mildred attempts suicide and Clarisse suddenly disappears, Montag begins to question everything he has ever known. He starts hiding books in his home, and when his pilfering is discovered, the fireman has to run for his life.’

(What do I have to say by this point? Another Ooooh~ effect book xD)