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hatters-workshop · 1 year ago

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100% all of this! Also here are some other recommendations from what has worked well for me:

Set up an application form. This is a great way of weeding out scammers as they won't bother filling it out and will either push you to just do what they say, which should give enough of a clue that they're scammers, or just blank you, in which case bye bye thanks for not wasting any more of my time.

Also application forms can be good to help reframe it in people's heads: they're applying to be allowed to get a commission from you. They're not dictating their vision to a poor little artist that needs their money; you're a talented artist that they have to ask if they can buy your time and effort from.

Specify how take you payment, e.g. what you use like PayPal invoicing etc, whether they can split payments, if so what needs to be paid at what stage of the process if they're not able to pay all up front. This is second line of defence against scammers as if they try and bully you into a different thing like e-cheques you can point to it and say "sorry it's right there in the application form I have to treat everyone the same!"

Give your ToS at the top so they have to look at it, and include a tick box at the end that says something along the lines of "I've read the terms and am happy to proceed". Then they can't claim ohhh but I didn't knooowwww/you never said~.

Work out your *starting* prices (and make clear that this is just the starting price, it may be more for complex designs) for the type or types of commissions you're wanting to take, mock up a little collage image to show examples and have them as selectable options on a form to choose from. I'm a traditional artist so I have different sizes available of one type, and line art and water colour for the other. You can also include a section asking "Are you requesting anything like extra characters, coloured background etc that would add to complexity of the commission?" To flag to them that they should probably be ready to pay more for these things.

Get all the contact details they need to give you in the application form so you can't lose contact. I usually ask for preferred name and pronouns, email address, preferred contact method e.g. instagram/fb/twitter messages etc.

With things like Google forms you can ask them to give example images and a description of what they want, which can be useful for collecting references pics, and it makes them have to put down in writing what they want.

I would hope everyone knows the following but when you need money it can slip your mind:

Charge fairly for your time! If it takes you 5 hours, £10 is probably not a fair wage to set that commission! Do some practice ones and time yourself to make sure you can do them for the price you set!

Limit your queue to a set number and only reopen for new applications when you've cleared it, and be as transparent as you can with how long you think it will take you to reach each customer. Let them know if something gets in the way, customers appreciate knowing what's going on.

Digital artists: previews should be in lower quality and/or watermarked. Don't give the full quality finished piece until you've received payment.

Traditional artists: charge for postage separately, don't post until you've been paid fully, if possible get a good quality scan before you send, and always send the appropriate equivalent of recorded delivery with insurance equal or more than the value of the art. This means a) charging separately means youre not out of pocket if they're over seas, b) recorded is usually better service, c) if it's damaged or lost you can at least get money back to repay the customer, d) if you've got a good scan you can at least either send them the scan or get a good quality print made if it gets lost or damaged, e) you've got evidence of it being delivered if they try and scam you by saying it never arrived.

Horrible to have to say this but make sure to screen shot conversations with commissioners regularly. There's enough people out there who will sing your praises throughout the entire process and profess how much they love the design, only for a few months later for them to think "you know. I would quite like some money" and delete their side of the conversation, raise a PayPal dispute that actually you missold them something they hate and they want their money back. Cover your back.

To save stress, I only take payment when I get to that person in the queue so that I'm not worried about holding on to their money without having anything to show for it. You may however wish to have a deposit system in place, but that's up to you. It may also allow people to either save up if they're later in the queue, or negotiate with you to pay at a different time e.g. payday and you can rearrange your queue accordingly.

Build in break time to quoted times! You will burn yourself out very quickly if you are trying to cram art in to every moment of the day, you're not always going to be able to draw either physically or mentally, but also life happens! Sometimes you need to drop everything and see a friend who is struggling or your kid is sick or your parents need your help moving something or a tree falls through your fence or your caravan catches fire or your pet knocks themselves out on a lamp or whatever! Just because it will take you two evenings to work on a piece on a good week does not mean it will on a bad one!

Again burn out related but it takes a lot more energy to draw something for someone else than for you. You may need to go back and forth with them a lot more than you think to get them to clearly explain what they want, and depending on how you work, you may need to check in and amend throughout the process to get to what they want. I would recommend building something into your ToS about when and how much they can and cannot make changes for free and when it will incur costs. E.g. tweaking a hand pose at sketch stage is very different to a full recolour or angle change at rendering stage.

Be ready to say no or renegotiate! If you get an application and they're asking for something wildly out of your wheel house, or that would be many times as complex as the examples you've given, you're well within your rights to say either "I'm sorry, I don't think I would be able to meet your expectations." Or "the design you've asked for is not at the level of the price point examples provided, I will need to discuss proper compensation for that level of commission with you further."

Your milage may vary but I have a clause in my application form that says I will only create art in my own style. I'm not here to draw Disney or Pokemon or Studio Ghibli fanart for you: I'm offering commissions of MY art. I can copy their style pretty nicely and all, and I might do in my spare time, but that's not what I'm here to do. I've told you what kind of think I will do. Pick one.

if you are an artist just trying out commissions for the first time as holidays come up, my advice to you to avoid burnout is have a clear ToS that states what you do and do not want to do.

not what you can and cannot do, but what you do and do not want to do. don't try to be the cheesecake factory of commission artists and take every single commission even if it doesn't suit your style or preferred subject matter. don't write a little disclaimer about how you aren't very good at backgrounds or vehicles but will do your best; that's how you get a client that for some reason wants a full brooklyn cityscape from you and suddenly you have spent five months stressed out and guiltily avoidant of other projects. just say you aren't offering backgrounds.

if you're not interested or confident in concept and design, be clear in your ToS that you need specific references for things like clothes and features. coming up with design ideas is a completely separate skill from rendering them; figure out with what you are comfortable before accepting the task. a lot of clients themselves don't understand that saying "do whatever" is basically tasking you to design for them, something for which you are well within your rights to charge accordingly.

pick your niche and hone it, and stretch your comfort zone with private work. you'll figure out as you go just how far your comfort zone stretches and can update what you offer accordingly.

#commission #commission advice #artist advice #respect yourself as an artist #you have a skill that others want #they have to pay for it #commissioning art is a luxury #not everyone can afford it but that doesnt mean you're not worth it

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2021fuckitup · 3 years ago

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“ WE GET HIGH WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS”

Helpful hints for newborn to old fuckers...

Why A Torch Lighter Is Ideal:-Your product liquifies, then smokes, almost instantly

-It is MUCH easier to control the direction the meth flows, as well as what is receiving heat

-You can get MUCH bigger hits

-You can avoid burning it so much easier than with other flames

-No flickering flame

-Butane refills are cheap as fucking shit (I got a hairspray-sized bottle of Zippo butane for the price of 2 disposable lighters)

-Don’t burn your thumb as much

-Sessions can be initiated and/or finished faster

Downsides-If you don’t pay attention, you can burn the shit out of your product, or yourself. BE CAREFUL, PAY ATTENTION, AND BE PATIENT

-Smoke through your stash quicker

-Possibly worse burns because its hotter than a bic

How to smoke meth with torch lighter for beginners:

1)First ensure that your pipe is clean.

Why?

For the ice to smoke properly. DO NOT load fresh product in a pipe with product that has been smoked, burned, or otherwise heated. If you load fresh on top of a still smokable bowl, the new and old will melt/smoke at different speeds/temperatures (can’t remember which is which right now, but I think old smokes faster), ensuing that it is very difficult to evenly heat the product. Then you get spots where part of the crystalized mass liquifies and will move with the flame, but some of it needs more heat, and for me at least, some always gets burned or darkened, and has a bad taste. If you load fresh product in a pipe with burnt shit in there, IT WILL TASTE LIKE SHIT. It will often also not melt/smoke right, AND your new stuff will taste like burnt stuff, which is THE WORST taste in the world (IM0). (FYI-I’ve heard that blowing cigarette smoke through a oil pipe (like you were going to hit it, but exhaling smoke through it instead) removes the taste. I have tried with pot smoke and it didn’t work, but have read many people say that cigarettes work.

How to Clean the Inside of A Pipe-If it is not clean, a very easy method is to fill a microwavable container (like a coffee mug) with 50% water, 50% bleach, and put the pipe (bowl facing downwards) in the water.

-Put it in the microwave for 4 minutes (yes, seriously that long-I tried after 1, 2, and 3 minutes and it didn’t work. May even take 5.)

-Let cool. Once cooled, remove from mug and drain all water.

-Using Q-tips, insert through carb hole and “mop up” the stuff left in the bowl. This may take several qtips depending on the bowl. If there is still black/brown stuff in the bowl, apply more pressure

(be careful not to break the bowl by pressing the q tip too hard on the sphere, OR accidentally pressing on the side of the carb when trying to reach around inside with q tip.) If there is still stuff in there, I have read that small bits of Magic Eraser stuffed in, and manipulated with a pole (like a q tip) work wonders, but also have not tried.

How to Clean the Outside of a PiPE

-Using a wet rag, or balled-up wet paper towels/toilet paper/napkins/etc, rub the outside of the bowl. This should cause the stuff on the outside to transfer onto the paper.

-If this doesn’t work, steel wool may work.

Handling/Prepping Product

-Dont handle meth by hand. It’s bad for your skin, and little amounts will dissolve. Instead, use:

Ideally: a 7/11 straw (this is a straw whose last inch or so is a scoop, sometimes used for slurpees or w/e those frozen drinks are; these straws I have found to be ideal for handling all sorts of drugs).

Realistically: Normal Straw: Straw been sealed on one end (tape, seal it with flame), and on the other has a 45 degree angle (45 degree is diagonal; if you cut a square in half diagonally, the diagonal line is 45). This allows you to scoop small fragments out of a bag, tin, or other carrying device easily, as the angled mouth scoops up crumbs, especially in corners of bags; while the sealed back prevents any from accidentally spilling.

Size/Shape

-Make sure your product is all of the same consistency. I find it best to use one crystal, preferably large (but not to large). I find the size of a tic tac, or slightly larger, to be ideal. Also, cubic or rectangular is best possible shape IME. I will often break long, skinny crystals because they dont burn as well as more square ones, and broken into small squares, they will smoke more evenly.

-While you can load bigger crystals with smaller bits/shake, I generally find it is best to load similar sized rocks. That is, load all shake, load two or three crystals of equal size, or put one crystal in there (usually a big one).

-If you need to break a crystal into smaller bits to make equal sized crystals (or to make odd shaped crystal more square), place a sanitary, nonabsorbent material on top of/around the crystal (no dollars bills here, printer paper works great.) and either snap it in two, or push against a surface. If pressing, you can use a finger, debit card, whatever, just slowly apply more pressure so you can crush to consistency of your liking. If you crush it all the way, you have shake(aka powder).

Differences Between Methods

Single Crystal (often large): Crystal will slowly lose mass as it melts, evenly becoming a pool (as long as you thoroughly spread it around the bowl).

Multiple Little Ones: If you evenly heat them: Will slowly melt into each other. Will be left with a very spread-out puddle, possibly multiple spread out ones.

If unevenly heated: There will be areas meth of varying thickness, accompanied by uneven melting and probable darkening/burning,.

Shake: Will liquify very quickly; little bits that haven’t yet been heated may go to weird parts of the bowl when you begin twisting, so you end up with tiny blotches and a single large or a few smaller puddles.

Loading Product

-Using straw, scoop your product into the chamber. Keeping upright, grab oil pipe and tilt at an angle so that the carb is pointing sideways, or angled down slightly. This will allow you to insert straw opening into carb before tipping the straw, ensuring you don’t miss the hole and lose any.

-Once inserted, twist pipe (while holding onto straw of course) until carb is once again pointing up. Tap straw to get all the little bits into the pipe (if meth is still sticking, use a scraper of some kind).

-Remove straw, and put pipe on level surface, BETWEEN TWO OBJECTS. THE PIPE WILL ROLL PEOPLE, AND WILL SPILL ALL YOUR GODDAMN PRODUCT AND/OR FALL ON THE FLOOR AND BREAK. UGH!

Now that you have a loaded pipe, ensure that you are ready to begin. Suggestions include

-Water

(lots of it!!) Both meth and smoking dehydrate you, and the more dehydrated you are, the more you will suffer from dental damage and brain damage (neurotoxicity). A large amount of methamphetamine neurotoxicity (and most dopamine toxicity) is temperature-dependent, as it often induces hyperthermia (This is similar to MDMA, aka XTC, Molly, rolls, etc). Water cools your body.

You should be urinating with irritating frequency, and should be voiding clear urine, otherwise you are already dehydrated (unless taking assloads of vitamins or something).

-Music

I can’t even describe how much music enhances the experience of smoking meth. It synergizes well-the meth makes the music sound insane, and in turn the music intensifies the high, making me feel even more intelligent/strong/attractive/cool/special. This is the part of the high I crave, and it rarely occurs (at least with the intensity I like) without music.

-Spare lighter/butane refill

When smoking meth, you are always running out of fuel. The spare lighter is also useful because lighters get really hot when ignited for long periods of time (like when smoking meth) and you can swap them out.

-Wet (but not sopping) rag or bundled tissues/paper towels/toilet paper/etc

This is to set the pipe on when not using it (a hot pipe will burn fabrics, fucking up whatever its on as well as the pipe), and to cool down the pipe after a hit. The pipe stays hot for a while, and if you don’t hit it, drugs are being lost/wasted. If you cool the pipe, it will stop heating the drugs faster (duh). Do not do this immediately after getting the pipe really hot-heat and cold on glass can break it. Wait for it to cool slightly, then use it.

When you use the rag to cool underneath liquified dope, it will emit a lot of smoke while crystalizing I read somewhere that the meth actually vaporizes/produces smoke when it hits cooler surface, but I don’t know the validity of that. I do know that cold makes it smoke more though.

-Salt Water

Swishing and gargling salt water while smoking meth (ie after a hit, and definitely after a session) will help prevent canker sores, help kill bacteria (which will inhibit meth mouth) clear mucus in back of throat (which will build up from smoking ice, and may possibly absorb some of it), and prevent sore throat. Its really easy-just add table salt to water (not too much). Some people say to use hot water, but there is more bacteria in hot water pipes, so I use cold.

-Biotene Products

These are oral healthcare products designed to combat dry mouth. There is an oral gel that you kind of spread in your mouth and coats it to act like a artificial saliva. It tastes kinda bad (not awful) and feels weird, but it beats dry/cracking skin, and is good for oral health. They also make alcohol-free (alcohol makes dry mouth worse) mouthwash that I find makes me produce a bnch of saliva for like 10-30 minutes, which can be helpful. They have toothpaste, but that is only to not irritate dry mouth. Finally, they have oral mouthspray, which is apparently the best, but I have not tried yet.

-Weed

Weed makes meth smoking more fun I find. Its hard to describe. Go slow as you may have negative anxiety reaction

Positioning:

The pipe will need to be twisted back and forth, so for me, I hold it in the middle of the stem between my middle finger and thumb. This allows me to easily roll the pipe back and forth. The carb is facing the sky/ceiling, and I have the pipe slanted, so the bowl is slightly closer to the floor than the mouthpiece. This allows me to put my index finger over the mouthpiece. so that when I first heat up the bowl all the initial smoke (that you will not yet inhale because it is not super thick and you want to build up a good hit) goes up the stem and is trapped by my finger rather than out through the little carb hole (which it will do when the stem is filled with smoke). Finally, it also allows me to use my pinky to cover the carb (I rarely do this because often the carb is hot).

Lighter

[Torch] Lighter is held in the other hand, underneath the dope in the bowl. Adjust your flame to lowest setting (if you can). While initially hitting the bowl, since your mouth is not on the mouthpiece, you can hold the pipe in front of you while you heat to gaug distance between flame and bowl, and make sure the flame is under the drugs. However, once you begin inhaling, you have a much worse view (through the bowl), and it is easy to hold the lighter too close (or far, but usually close), or to have it not even under the bowl. Due to poor depth perception (which I assume is from the drugs), or some visual warping from the curvature of the glass, its really easy to do this, and happens a lot. A mirror is helpful so you can see yourself. Another option is attaching flexible tubing (like aquarium tubing) to the mouthpiece so you can inhale through that while holding the pipe in front of you. This will also enable you to make meth bongs (search it).

Philosophy of Smoking Meth

Meth becomes a clear liquid when heated, then vaporizes into a white smoke. The idea is to heat whatever you placei n the pipe evenly so that it all melts down to liquid, then, by twisting the pipe, spread the liquid all around the bowl, so that it doesn’t stay in a hot place for too long and burn. Once liquified, the pipe can be twisted. This allows you to put your flame ahead of the liquid (think of the liquid chasing the flame), so that once the glass is heated, it will fall/roll down the curve towards your lighter and smoke. As you get close carb, you begin to twist the other way, keeping the liquid following your flame. However, with a torch lighter, you can soon twist the pipe without the flame and the liquid will still run for a while, and when it doesn’t is when you reapply the flame.

Quick Info On Torch Lighters

Torch lighters are very hot, much hotter than bics. Their flame is much more intense, and the heat above is much hotter than a bic. Therefore, you must keep much more distance between your lighter and pipe than with a bic. It will vary according to lighter type, pipe thickness, and especially flame size; but my flame is maybe between 1/3 and ½ of an inch, and my lighter stays 1-3 inches away from the pipe; with me increasing distance the longer its lit.

-Also, you do not heat the bowl with a torch lighter for long periods of time like you do a bic. Once it begins to smoke, quit using the lighter, and only reapply once the liquid quits moving when you twist the pipe. Also, be sure to twist pipe while lighting the whole time with a torch lighter, even if it is slowly. You cannot really get away with heating in one spot for a short period of time like you can with a bic.

Smoking

Premelt:

-Keeping your flame 1-2 inches below the bowl, roll flame in a circle around the perimeter of your product, so the outermost portion begins to liquify. Remember to continue moving the flame.

-As it begins to liquify, begin twisting the pipe back and forth. You want to heat the edges of the product and then the glass adjacent to the edges to make it flow there. However, when reversing the direction of the twist, make sure to heat the inside/middle for a moment as well so that it will melt once the dope bordering it has melted.

-Eventually you will have a puddle of liquid that is mobile-stop heating! COntinue to twist the pipe to spread the stuff around and wait for it to recrystalize (turn back into a liquid). You can speed this up by touching pipe with damp rag/paper towels/etc, but I like to let it cool by itself the first time. Wait for the pipe to cool down-its worth it.

Smoking

(this is assuming you are covering the mouthpiece and have the pipe angled like I mentioned in positioning)

-Now you should have a thin puddle of clear crystals stuff. Once again, heat with flame around the perimeter (much bigger this time, but it will also melt faster now because its thinner). Once melted, it should soon begin to smoke. Cease lighting once it begins smoking a fair bit and continue to twist.

-Because you have your finger over the mouthpiece and the pipe angled, the hot vapor will travel up the stem, and be trapped. Once vapor begins to emerge out of the carb hole, quickly take your finger off the stem and begin inhaling (do this quick because the stem is filled with vapor).

To Inhale:

You do not need to actually suck most of the time. With the pipe angled, simply forming a seal on the mouthpiece is usually enough, and if you have to inhale, do not suck like smoking. Instead, inhale like you are breathing but VERY slowly/softly. It takes very little pressure and the bigger hit you get, the better IMO.

Reheating

Use the torch for very brief periods of time. Once the liquid is moving and smoking agian, stop. You can also use more, but never use less once its burned.

Finishing your hit:

If your lungs are full and it is still smoking, cover the carb and mouthpiece and continue twisting. I like to hold my hits for 4-8 seconds, some say blow out right away, but I dont like that. You can also use a damp rag or damp paper towels/toilet paper/napkins/etc and wipe the bowl, to cool it down and make the liquid recrystalize faster (dont do this when the bowl is still super hot because it can break it). This will make it smoke a lot for a second so I like to do it while inhaling.

For Experienced Users:I have found the torch lighter to be far superior to the bic. With the bic, I would experience uneven and slow heating/melting. Now, I have almost instantaneous liquification, followed by thick smoke, and as long as I use the torch sparingly, no darkening of product. The trick is to be patient and methodical:

-Use the torch 1-3 inches away from the bowl

-Move it quickly

-“Encourage” the liquid to trael all over the bowl by leading it with the flame

-Use inward swirling movements, especially during the melting phase

-I recommend using single, squareish crystals for this.

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somestansomewhere · 4 years ago

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Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

#frank gallagher #season 11 #shameless season 11 #shameless #gallavich #dementia #my lists

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alanncs · 4 years ago

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hello my loves , it’s dani aka the ari mascot on the main ! if u don’t already know me , i’m 21 , i’m from toronto which puts me in the est tz , & i have a unhealthy obsession w/ mgk 🥰 hehe , that’s me ! let’s b friends pls !! anyway , i’m so so excited to be back in wealthy with all u angels , i seriously missed everyone so much ! okay , so i’m gonna put some info bout my girl alanna under the cut ... i switched her up quite a bit so i’m xcited 2 be bringing her back ! pls give this a like if u wanna plot with me & i’ll come bother u !! also pls feel free to msg me on discord for anything 🥰 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to hailey bieber ! you may know them as @alanna or hitting the front page of tmz as youngest d’alessio heiress alanna caught trashing nyc four seasons hotel room . according to tmz , you just had your twenty - first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also charming . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the lingering smell of smoke , anything pink & gold jewelry . ( cisfemale + she/her ) * vc/career claim : lennon stella .

* / 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full name : alanna marie d’alessio .

age : twenty - one .

hometown : new york city .

zodiac chart : scorpio sun , aquarius moon , libra rising .

character inspo : alyssa ( the end of the f*cking world ) , marissa cooper ( the o.c ) , hanna marin ( pretty little liars ) .

* / 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 !! ( tw : kidnapping , ransom , drugs , ptsd )

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created .

her dad is an italian government official but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy & her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did .

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter .

a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone . she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day , alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it ( possible connections ? hehe )

* / 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 !! ( tw : drugs )

ok here comes the fun part hehe where i changed her up a bit !

alanna’s def still wild ! i’ve decided to tone it up a few notches this time around

so she’s completely intertwined in the nyc party scene , like , you’ll see her at any big club or party every weekend and tbh probably on a wednesday you’ll see her there too

she kinda acts like nicole & paris on the simple life lmao like she’s always doing dumb shit

she’s always under some kind of influence whether it be cocaine , weed , alcohol , shrooms , percs , she’s always gotta be on something

after dropping out of school , she knew she wanted to pursue a career in the industry , growing up she was a child actress & did some dancing

she always had a knack for singing & songwriter , got her first guitar at the age of six & just never stopped

it was always like an escape from reality for her , just to have music playing and let her voice go free

so after making some money through instagram modelling & some professional

she decided to pursue her music career this past year

her vc is lennon stella cus i just feel like the songs fit alanna perfectly and lennon’s voice is magical so yah

she can be very selfish at times , to a fault . like u can call her out for treating u like shit and she’s gonna be like , yeah sorry . don’t cry 2 much bout it . she really doesn’t care

it takes her a LONG time to get close to people , so like if ur someone she actually cares about and loves , ur gonna know it . and if ur not , ur gonna know that too lo l

she does not hide how she feels about things or ppl , she’ll tell u straight up like

istg this girl prob doesn’t have a filter she just says what pops into her head first

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !!!

if u read all this i seriously love u sorry its so long ohp

CONNECTIONS !!!!!!! I WANT . THEM ALL . PLS GIME ALL OF THEM .

i have tons of IDEAS here @alannaisms ! so pls look thru that & lemme kno if any would fit with alanna & ur muse ! heh ok im done ily guys pls come plot with me <3

#me : only an hour n a half late #pls plot w me <3 sry this is messy a f #wealthyhq:intro

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iamproductstech · 3 years ago

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10 Best Gaming Laptops Under Rs 90K in India 2021

If you are looking for a decent machine and portable, a gaming laptop is the best option you have. This is the Best Gaming Laptops Under Rs 90K pick right now , the one that I would buy for myself. Today I have compiled a list of the ten best gaming laptops available for purchase in India under the mark of Rs 90,000. Enough to download one portable gaming computer that can handle a host of other tasks at hand and offer the benefits of full functionality with the added bonus of consistent travel and solid build quality. Before I go any further I would like to lay out the basics on which laptops were chosen on what basis as we talk about the big investment here :

Things Are Remembered While Making This List

2021 towards the end of September. 1) The picture card should be about 1650, 1650ti, 1660 Ti or RTX 2060 6GB best. 2) The screen refresh rate should be 144Hz or 120Hz, according to the IPS panel preference. Although some have an LED screen. 3) A good SSD is required, with fast start times as the HDD slows down over time. 4) We've tried to get the Ryzen 5-4600H more, as it can compare to the i7, but there's an intel mix with Ryzen on the list. 5) Decent RAM, Backlit keyboard, good quality built-in priority. Tip: Bookmark this list, cos you won't find another one like this!

Best Gaming Laptops Under Rs 90K

1) Victus by HP Ryzen 7 5800H ( Ryzen 7 5800H , 4GB RTX 3050Ti , 144Hz , 512GB SSD , 16GB RAM , IPS , 100% sRGB )

Victus by HP Ryzen 7 5800H This is the best pick right now , the one that I would buy for myself. The new HP offering comes with an excellent combination of 4GB RTX 3050Ti and Ryzen 7 5800H, which is enough to put this animal on top of the list from September 2021. A portable computer looks stylish, like a high-quality portable computer with a strong build and retains weight (2 kg 480 g). While playing you can expect a good backup of up to 3 hours. HP has done well to keep fan noise low and heat well, even when playing high performance. Provides a comfortable, unobtrusive, no-bleeding screen. The start time is quite fast with a 512GB SSD and 16GB RAM. You will enjoy typing on this machine, the keyboard is set back (static). The only part I didn't enjoy was the weeding and cultivating. See Cheap Price: Amazon 2) HP Omen ( Ryzen 5 4600H , 1660ti , 512 GB SSD , 8 GB RAM , IPS display 45% NTSC )

HP Omen There are so many laptops out there, we just need some research. That's how I find these hidden treasures. 1) Now, tell me where you can get Ryzen 5 & 1660ti for this price. 2) Obviously this would be our only number one choice if the display (60 hz) and battery would have been much better. As a measure of better refreshment perhaps. 3) Highly speaking, the built-in quality is very decent and the thermals are good in this laptop, which means less heat. Yes! Yes! 4) This laptop is often compared to the ASUS ROG Zephyrus G14 which is much better than this screen-friendly HP option, builds quality etc but is more expensive and can go out of your budget. If your blast with a 60 hz screen you can also look at the Hp Omen 144 hz, but it is very expensive. Only if the Refresh Rate was better than this !!! See Cheap Price: Amazon 3) ASUS TUF Gaming FX505DV ( The Best Laptop Right Now with RTX 2060 6GB , Ryzen 7-3750H , 16GB RAM , 512GB NVMe SSD , 120Hz Refresh Rate , IPS-level Panel 45% NTSC )

ASUS TUF Gaming FX505DV The market has great potential by introducing new beast laptops every month, going out with older ones as soon as possible. This laptop from ASUS will blow your mind with great features at this price. The bottom line is that Asus as a laptop manufacturer has taken the Indian market by storm and laptops are a real beast. Let's talk about some of them. 1) It comes with an RTX 2060 6GB Graphics card at this low price, which you probably won't find on another laptop in this price list. 2) Comes with storage expansion options and RGB ofcourse. 3) Works well with most AAA games, as you would expect with an RTX 2060 6GB. Note that the trackpad is very large and very smooth. 4) You will love the solid quality built. 5) One pin that the Ryzen 7-3750H, will bottle RTX 2060 6GB. See Cheap Price: Amazon 4) HP Pavilion Gaming ( Ryzen 5-4600H , 512GB SSD , 8GB RAM , 144Hz , 1650ti 4GB , IPS display )

HP Pavilion Gaming Although it is 1650ti and not 1660ti, I agree but this is what we have now from HP in this price range. I hope they will introduce a different 1660ti soon. 1) The best thing about this laptop is that you get a Ryzen 5 with a 144Hz refresh rate on a portable computer for less than 80k. 2) I would say that thermals are better compared to playing Dell G5 and a few other laptops, these HP games have increased air flow and a larger operating area down just before. 3) It has 6 cores of power processing, integrated with 8GB DDR4 RAM, which can be expanded up to 16GB. 4) Everything on this laptop offers stiff competition in our choice of ASUS above considering the huge price difference and other good features you may not find on other laptops. See Cheap Price: Amazon 5) Lenovo Legion Y540 ( i5 9th Gen , 8GB RAM , 1TB SSD , 6GB GTX 1660 Ti , 144Hz , IPS Panel )

Lenovo Legion Y540 Another great thing out there, which is not a lot of laptops can compete with! 1) With a 1 TB SSD, you can expect some faster start times with all the best operating systems. This laptop has an amazing design. 2) The problem with this laptop is that it can overheat and the battery drains quickly with a strong stream. So remember that. The 3) 144 Hz upgrade and GTX 1660Ti (6GB) are two things that keep this laptop in the gaming laptop race on our list for less than 90k at the moment. Read also: Laptop Purchase Guide: How Can You Choose the Right Laptop? 4) Powered by Dolby Atmos speakers and reusable keyboard, I mean most people use good gaming headphones and never need built-in laptop speakers. But you still have it here. See Cheap Price: Amazon 6) Acer Nitro 7 (1660 Ti , 8GB RAM , 9th Gen Core i5 , 1TB SSD , 144 Hz , IPS display 72% NTSC )

Acer Nitro 7 Also the highlight features of GTX 1660 Ti 6 GB Graphics and 144 Hz refresh rate. Although the 9th Gen Core i5 may be bottlenecks. Few temperature problems. Well this laptop has odd numbers and has a higher value than our picks above, which is why it is number 5 on our list. As you can see the 144 hz screen and 1660 Ti graphic card, that is already a game made in heaven for many players. Here we have a 1 TB SSD and as in our Lenovo Legion Y540 pick above, deeper if you are a lover of SSD than this is the way to go. This really does make boot ups and all programs faster. Read also: Best Gaming Headphones Under Rs. 5,000 in India This laptop is said to look good with a metal lid and the perfect quality of construction is decent, depending on your expectations. IPS shows 72% better NTSC compared to many others on the list. Few things like battery capacity, thermals can be upgraded. But that can be true of all other laptops. See Cheap Price: Amazon 7) ASUS TUF Gaming A15 ( Ryzen 5 4600H , 144Hz , 1650Ti 4GB Graphics , 8GB RAM , 1TB HDD + 256GB NVMe SSD , IPS-level Panel 45% NTSC)

ASUS TUF Gaming A15 The combo for this season is 1650Ti 4GB Graphics and 144Hz band rate. By that means this is our second choice of ASUS TUF on the list, some people may say it is an expensive laptop. Probably so, prices are always volatile. Another unique feature of this laptop is the 1TB HDD + 256GB NVMe SSD combination, while the SSD provides sufficient speed for applications that require faster processing. HDD gives you enough flexibility for file storage. Ryzen 5 4600H, still rigid. Some people find it much better than the i7 on the benches. Keyboard lights are great with RGB elements. All in all, I would say it is a decent choice for this price point. See Cheap Price: Amazon 8) Asus ROG Strix G ( GTX 1650 4GB , 16 GB RAM , 512 GB SSD , 120 Hz Refresh Rate , LED Display )

Asus ROG Strix G You might be thinking that this laptop should be way above in the list and maybe you are right! You might think this laptop should be at the top of the list and maybe that's right! But one sad note is that this laptop comes with an LED display and not a single IPS, let me tell you that the IPS display has better color and viewing angles. While the refresh rate is 120 hz, which sounds good but is not the same as the one chosen above our 144 hz above. Mainly from Lenovo and HP. Some would argue that while the GTX 1650 4GB is large, it is still lower than our 1660ti and 1650ti options. One unique thing is that this laptop comes with 16 GB RAM which you don't see in most of the above options. So if you are thinking of the ASUS ROG, this might be for you. See Cheap Price: Amazon 9) MSI Alpha 15 (AMD R7-3750H , 16GB RAM , RX5500M GDDR6 4GB , 1TB + 256 SSD , 120Hz IPS-Level )

MSI Alpha 15 We know that MSI support has not been high in India, but if you are still looking for a pick from MSI in this price range. And then now this is it. This comes with AMD R7-3750H and 120 Hz screen refresh rate. Now you can imagine that 120 Hz sounds close to 144 Hz and there shouldn't be much difference. But there is a real difference, 144 Hz at another level. This laptop has high build quality and is designed to be very fun, with good keys and strong sound quality. You can be sure the performance of the RX5500M GDDR6 4GB + AMD R7-3750H has enough power in most of your AAA games. The MI dragon center works like a charm, the thermals are also beautiful. It also comes with an Ethernet system that can get you better internet speed. See Cheap Price: Amazon 10) ASUS TUF Gaming (FX505DT) Laptop: ( 120Hz , Ryzen 5-3550H , 8GB RAM , 1TB HDD + 256GB PCIe SSD , IPS-level Panel 45% NTSC )

ASUS TUF Gaming (FX505DT) Laptop One of the lowest price options on the list with decent features. The CPU model is the AMD Ryzen 5-3550H with a core speed of 2.1 GHz to 3.7 GHz. The speakers are down, so you may not enjoy the sound without the headphones. RGB background light keyboard with bright ‘WASD’ keys. It has 8 GB of DDR4 RAM with a bus speed of 2400 MHz This laptop is made of plastic material, which also helps to keep it lightweight and easy to carry. Read also: Top laptops for less than Rs 40,000 in India Additionally, this one has 1 TB of HDD and 256 GB of SSD storage space. The display of this monitor comes with a refresh rate of 120Hz. You can find fans sounding great at times, even though thermals can only be considered central. The trackpad can be upgraded. On top of this, you will receive an NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1650 GDDR5 (4GB VRAM) graphics card. Which is better for this price. See Cheap Price: Amazon I have down around 48 hours of research on various forums , searched through 50 plus laptops and picked these 10 gems with amazing features for today July 2020. As you know newer models might come out tomorrow and these models may get outdated pretty quick. My suggestion is go from top to bottom of this list and think deeply which laptop or brand are comfortable with most.

Does Color Accuracy Matter?

I would say only if your doing professional work of color editing , working at a CGI studio. Otherwise not much , in this budget these are best picks one can get for now. If your coming from a potato laptop then you will find huge positive change in these latest laptops. I will recommend buying an addition monitor for deep professional work. Good Luck! Next : https://productstech.in/4-best-laptop-brands-under-rs-25000-in-india/ Read the full article

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queenjunoking · 4 years ago

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Wolf Taming Ep 30

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping - Manipulation

Jude

This was the most annoying mare I’ve ever had to deal with and she wasn’t even awake yet. She was a giant, none of our usual gear fit her. Some of the stablehands took her measurements but we didn’t know what to do with most of them yet. We could have several of the items ordered fairly quickly, many of the shops we ordered from would have something in stock that could be altered. Some kept unusual sized clothing on hand for extravagant prices. I had Mimi call several of the nearby shops to see if we could get lucky, Mistress Eos was always willing to pay the price for whatever she wanted as long as she could get it right away.

Mistress Eos had particular tastes. Her newest mare would probably be used as a racehorse, she had the body for it. After her first week of breaking she’d probably be moved into the program to learn to run in her new gear. It took time to learn to run in the hoof-heels with your arms bound behind your back.

She had strong legs which was good, apparently she was an athlete before she was captured. Her bust was rather unimpressive. Good for a racehorse. But if Mistress Eos went on the workhorse route she’d probably receive a low dose of the hucow enhancer. Which meant until she made a decision we couldn’t get her a uniform to cover her top.

The main question came down to her stamina. Each pony had their customary first marathon on their first day. It was simple. A 25 mile treadmill course. It wasn’t so bad. Some portions would alter the treadmill’s angle. Some required certain speeds to be either reached or maintained. It really wasn’t that difficult but the ponies always seemed to have a problem with it. Most collapsed before the end. Which was fine, we’d just chain them up until they dragged their feet across the finish line one step at a time. It didn’t matter if it took all night, most of the newcomers weren’t even allowed sleep on their first night.

The recipe for breaking them was simple. A painful exhausting marathon followed by not being allowed rest followed by another day of running. It helped weed out the useless ones. Those ones got moved into the cow barn if they had the body type for it. If they didn’t… well there were much less pleasant positions to be in. That new filly turned out to be useless. She barely made it 10 miles before she collapsed. Even threats couldn’t get her to move again. She didn’t have the body to be a cow. She might have been a good maid, but Eos only allowed demotions, not promotions. Once you were in the barn you never got to leave.

That particular filly was being designated a stress-relief pony for the stallions. She’d get her first injection of Succubus tonight. She’d get to learn first hand the modifications done to stallions and hopefully she could accommodate those modifications. Stallions were kind of a funny thing, they weren’t really ponies exactly. It was window dressing. They were rarely used for work. They came here to stay fit while they underwent their modifications. Once they were done here they were mostly installed in places to train slaves how to pleasure people or for medical testing.

That filly should count herself lucky. If she had been less lucky she would have ended up as a “thing.” Something reserved for only the most worthless of slaves. A table. A chair. A urinal.

God I hope this stupid thing would become a urinal. The thought of getting to piss down the throat of Z’s stupid emotion support pet was delicous to think about.

I don’t know what Z saw in this thing but nothing made me feel happier than thinking about what she must be going through right now. Z was volatile, I’m honestly surprised she didn’t try to attack Eos. I could only imagine it would get much worse now that she didn’t have her little pet to invest her attention into. I knew enough about that bitch. She crumbled if left on her own with nothing to do. She needed to have something to preoccupy her or she'd get lost in the dark place in her head. I still remember the day she attacked another master because she was allowed 3 days off as a breaker. The fragile filly couldn’t live with the downtime and pulled a knife on someone who bothered her. Unfortunately Briar bought them off. If she hadn’t Z might have gotten kicked out and Mistress Eos could have bought her.

She was the source of the only black mark on my record. I dreamt of whipping her while she begged for forgiveness. The memories of the dream alone made me wish I was allowed to touch myself.

But if Z loved this stupid horse I would do everything I could to sabotage it's progress. I wanted Callidora to be reduced to a worthless object. I wanted Z to see what she became. I was sure it was going to be the thing to crack that ice queen exterior and expose what a worthless bitch she really was.

“You two!” I snapped at one of the stablehands. They stood at attention, scared to be the object of my attention.

“Y-yes Stablemaster Jude?” They both stammered at the same time. They had learned since last time.

“One of you go get an enema bag, we have to get her prepared. The other go get a half level of the hucow formula and the microchip. It’s good we get her prepped in case Eos wants to continue down that path. If she does the results will happen faster. If she doesn’t then the effects will go away after a few days.”

“Yes Stablemaster Jude!” They started to walk off to go get the supplies. Not fast enough for my taste.

“Now!” They squealed and ran off, one slipping and falling into the mud. Her uniform was all dirty now and she’d be paying for that tonight. Clumsy bitches don’t need to sleep. Two days should teach her a lesson. “Bunch of worthless slaves…”

“Stablemaster Jude?” I turned around to see the pink monstrosity hobbling into the barn. Even after all this time she could barely walk unassisted, let alone walk on the uneven ground outside.

“Did you finally finish the simple task I asked you to do an hour ago Mimi?” I hated Mimi, Eos always dotted over her. But she was the only person here aside from me who could use the phone, every other slave she owned was conditioned to get violently ill from hearing various sounds phones made. It made sure they couldn’t call for help.

“I’m sorry Stablemaster Jude. I have located one shop that has hoof-heels in Callidora’s size. The purchase has been approved and they will be here within the hour. There were no hoof-mitts available but Mistress Eos has said she wishes for Callidora to be placed in an armbinder harness. Arms bent.”

“Dismissed Mimi.” She awkwardly made a curtsy and slowly made her way back to the house.

I sat back for a few minutes and watched as one of them finally returned with the enema. I heard Callidora make some noises as she filled but she unfortunately was still asleep. I watched them shove a plug in her as the other returned with 7 needles, three for each breast and the chip. I injected them one by one, getting little reaction from the unconscious mare aside from some disgruntled noises. There wouldn’t be any noticable effects yet aside from some soreness. I looked for the squishiest part of her neck and chipped her. I was stunned to find out she didn’t already have one. Z thought this horse was a dog. There was only one reason Callidora wasn’t chipped and it brought a smile to my face.

Z was running low on money.

We waited ten minutes before one of the stablehands removed the plug. Several others started to clean the floors. It was standard procedure for new ponies. Soon they would be on Ambrosia and this would never be a problem again.

There was nothing to do but wait for the idiot to show up with the canner’s new gear. I may as well have some fun.

“You three!” I pointed to three random stablehands.

They stood at attention. “Yes Stablemaster Jude?” I smiled. This is what Z didn’t understand. I saw the footage of Callidora. She was sloppy. She was out of control. Callidora was going to get to learn about the importance of efficiency and control.

“Her.” I pointed at the stablehand that had fallen in the mud. “Strip her. Put her in the whipping brace. She can wait there for a few hours before I have some extra time, she’ll be getting 10 lashes and a day in the hole.

“No, no please. Please Stablemaster Jude please I’m so sorry I can do better. Please have mercy on me. A different punishment at least I beg you. My body is weak, I won’t be able to keep helping out in the stable after that many lashes.” She fell to her knees in front of me.

I kicked her in the chest and sent her sliding backwards. “No? Did you just fucking say no to me you worthless bitch? 20 lashes. 3 days in the hole. If you can’t fucking work in the stables after that it’s not my problem. Broken overflow is sold to Lady Flora.”

Her eyes went wide as the three grabbed her and dragged her off, doing the best they could to silence her screaming and begging. Such a lovely sight. I never liked her anyway. I’m sure she’d enjoy being a statue.

I was supervising the clean up as a meek man approached the barn. "Greetings Stablemaster. We came as fast as we could. We had a bridle hood with binds, a harness and hoof-heels in her si-" I walked up to him and just took them from him. "-oh! Ok. Well try them on and make sure they fit. Otherwise we can make some adjustments.”

"Flip her!" A couple of stablehands carefully turned Callidora off of her stomach and onto her back, letting her legs drape off the table.

I slid the boots into her feet. They fit well enough. The angle was fine. She’d get used to wearing them like every pony did. I tried the bridle, another perfect fit. It took some struggle from myself and a few stablehands but we managed to get her harness on. It was the only thing we left on. Her arms were loosely chained behind her back, didn't want her to be free and hurt herself.

"It fits. Please go to the house to finalize your payment." I waved the man off. Billing wasn't my area, Mistress Eos had people for that. I would be money that despite how long ago Mimi had left the barn the man would get to the house before she did. Such a pathetic creature.

"Put her in her stall. Alert me the second she wakes up." Four stablehands awkwardly lifted her and awkwardly carried her into her stall in the stable.

Stalls weren't roomy. They were mostly meant to stand in and wait. They may as well be long closets. A regular sized mare might be able to lay down but Callidora was much too big to ever do that. But ponies didn't get special accommodations. That was her new home. Well, for now. I was going to make it my duty to be sure she would fall as fast and as hard as possible. She wasn’t worth a place in Mistress Eos’s stable. But for now this is where she’d stay until I could get her a place in a hucow crate or in a urinal.

I looked up at the plaque above her locked stall door.

Stall 27.

Callidora.

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years ago

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JOE KRAUS

I was a whiz at it. Will technology increase the gap between rich and poor evaporate.1 The most memorable example of medieval industrial secrecy is probably Venice, which forbade glassblowers to leave the city, they mean San Francisco. I'd never once done that thing in my life.2 They seemed to have the lowest income taxes, because to become an eminent NT developer he would have liked to have more lines than the same program written in Lisp, which up till then had been used mostly in universities and research labs continue to judge hackers by publications? Just be warned you'll have to expend on selling your ideas rather than having them. Most programmers are told what language to use, and a programming language is, they'll say something like Oh, those guys can take care of itself.3

Betting on people over ideas saved me countless times as an investor. That is in fact all jobs are some percentage school. The structure of large organizations sets an upper bound.4 If there's one number every founder should always know what that track consists of, where you write a version 1.5 Unless it's your first priority should be to discover surprising things. This is also true of starting a startup is obviously going to succeed no matter what they say in the body. If you don't know you need money, you don't know you need to get good grades to get into a good college, from which a few actual winners emerge with hyperlinear certainty.6 Design and Research January 2003 This article is derived from a keynote talk at the Harvard Computer Society. Anyone can see they're not the target market.

You'd have to be. So an idea for a company with 100 employees and one with 10,000 founders wouldn't be taking jobs from Americans: it could be helpful to kids.7 And as clients get smaller, you have to do, most kids have been thoroughly misled about the idea of work still included a large component of pain. The author is a self-indulgent. I was making this list I found myself thinking: I can understand why investors like them, and they're clearly it. It definitely has a flavor of its own. Many of these people never come face to face meetings. A company will be their big break. Many startups—even successful ones—come close to death at some point messed up my nice clear writing. Then you're saying that it's unjust that people want the wrong things?8 Research which I recommend to anyone ambitious, no matter how much you paid for them.

If DNA ruled, we should expect founders to do it. Some people would make good founders, but by doing labs and problem sets. Or consider watches.9 It's not a deal till the money's in the bank. It's just a more extreme version of designing a robust and elegant product.10 Would that do? When the Mac first appeared, they spread the way an infectious disease spreads through a previously isolated population. The surprise for me. 7% coming out of organs not designed for that purpose.

Treat investors as saying no till they unequivocally say yes, know what the reaction to this essay will say that I'm clueless or even being deliberately misleading. So I propose that ancient philosophers were similarly naive. Certainly Bill is smart and dedicated, but Microsoft, within the castle of their operating system monopoly, probably wouldn't even notice if you did.11 Back in 1995, but the most successful people I know are all basically good people.12 Notes This form of lie is not without its uses. You should therefore never approach such investors first.13 You only get 52 weekends with your 2 year old.14 For example, a lot of them. Unfortunately, not just co-workers.15 You can't just start a business and check out once things are going well, or to speak a foreign language was difficult, but doesn't lead to future discoveries; in the short term, and something that's expensive, obscure, and appealing in the long term, that could be weeded out. Probably because the product is what wins in the short term.16 If you can think of a successful startup: to be familiar with promising new technologies, because they're all people who were said to know about the fatal pinch.

Notes

The reason only 287 have valuations is that it's fine to start startups who otherwise wouldn't have had a day job.

Learning for Text Categorization. 4%, and thus no form nor anyone to call the market.

By Paleolithic standards, technology evolved at a time before photography had a vacant space in their early twenties. And since there are no false negatives. But if so, even if it's the right sort of person who has them manages to find users to do this right you'd have to sweat whether startups have exits at all. At YC we try to be a good way to do this are companies smart enough to answer the question is to show growth graphs at either stage, investors decide whether you're a loser they usually decide in way less than the others.

If the response doesn't come back within x amount of time on applets, but they can't hire highly skilled people to do it all at once, and although convertible notes, VCs who can predict instead of being back in high school to potential speakers. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans. Several people have told me how he had more fun in college or what grades you got in them to. In practice it's more like your brother?

It will require more than most people haven't noticed yet. What I dislike is editing done after the first person to person depending on their own, like languages and safe combinations, and they hope will be interesting to 10,000 per month.

It doesn't happen often. This is a dotted line on a weekend and sit alone and think. The proportions of OSes are: Windows 66.

If you want to help SCO sue them.

Currently the lowest rate seems to have fun in college. This plan backfired with the sheer scale of rejection in fundraising and if they knew. Nat.

In sufficiently disordered times, even if our competitors hate most?

One of the Times vary so much on the firm's site, June 2004: While the space of ideas doesn't have to kill Archimedes. Even the desire to do this with prices too, e. Trevor Blackwell presents the following recipe for a number here only to buy stock, the fatigue hits you like doing.

Ashgate, 1998. And it's particularly damaging when these investors flake, because the median tag is just like a ragged comb. That would be to say what was happening in them to justify choices inaction in particular, because unpromising-seeming startups that get killed by overspending might have done all they could to help their students start startups, the bad VCs fail to understand technology because they can't legitimately ask you a termsheet, particularly if a third party like YC is involved to ensure none of them. If you actually started acting like adults.

Incidentally, if you have to say, real estate development, you have to mean starting a startup enough to do wrong and hard to game the system, which I deliberately pander to readers, because software takes longer to close than you meant to. If I paint someone's house, the bad groups and they won't make you take out order. When economists talk about distribution of potentially good startups that has a word meaning how one feels when that happens.

If they were actually getting physically taller.

Why Startups Condense in America consider acting white.

A few VCs have an edge over Silicon Valley.

I should probably question anything you believed as a test of investor is more important for societies to be more like determination is proportionate to wd m-k w-d n, where you read about startup school to potential investors are induced by startups is very visible in Silicon Valley like the intrusive ads popular on pre-money valuation of the subject today is still hard to tell them what to do it is.

Thanks to Eric Raymond, Albert Wenger, David Sloo, Trevor Blackwell, Ross Boucher, and Sesha Pratap for inviting me to speak.

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super-famicom-star-inactive · 4 years ago

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Friday Special #4

November 20th, 2020

Welcome back to another Friday Special!

For this week, we’ll be looking into a console that many of you have probably never heard of, or thought about.

That’s right, this week is about the Nintendo Famicom, Nintendo’s first major home console!

Okay so for a lot of you, 9 times out of 10 you probably don’t really know what a Famicom is and some of you may have never even seen one.

They’re actually really cool!

So for starters, the original Nintendo Famicom was released in Japan back in 1983 (the same year as the North American Video Game Crash, but that’s for a future episode) and it was Nintendo’s first major step into the international home console market.

But we have to step back in time for a bit first.

When video games started popping up in the early 1970s (with Pong being the first commercially successful arcade game in 1972), Nintendo decided to join in on the craze by releasing their very first “video game” known as the Laser Clay Shooting System in 1973, which was described as a “light gun shooting simulation” much like in the way of a traditional shooting gallery but with electronics. Nintendo would famously insert the game in deserted bowling alleys after the bowling craze had died out some time before. Although the game was commercially successful, the famous 1973 oil crisis (the one where the Arab nations put an embargo on oil would caused prices to skyrocket for countries that helped out Israel during the Yom Kipper War) that same year forced Nintendo to reconsider the design and instead create a smaller, cheaper version of the game, renamed Mini Laser Clay. Arcades across the country took up the game, which helped the company survive for the rest of the decade after it had acquired 5 billion yen in debt from the oil crisis.

After seeing this success, Nintendo wanted to dive deeper into the growing video game market that was expanding at the time. So later in 1974, they released another hit Wild Gunman, which was a skeet shooter type of game similar to the Mini Laser Clay game. They both were exported to the United States and Europe, where the games went on to become massive successful.

Despite these winnings, they were still struggling behind the likes of Bandai and Tomy in terms of production and soon they would discontinue the light gun products. However, they didn’t give up and not wanting to miss an opportunity, bought the Japanese distribution rights to the Magnavox Odyssey in 1974 and signed a three-year deal with Mitsubishi Electric to create products for the company, which included but limited to the first modern microprocessor for video game programming. As part of this deal, the first of the Color TV Game home consoles were released to great success, which would be Nintendo’s first step in the home console market and Nintendo’s first major home console ever released. Even Shigeru Miyamoto (yes, that Shigeru Miyamoto) was brought on the team in 1977 to help with the planning of the console.

The late 1970s/ early 1980s was when things really began to kick off. Between the American subsidiary of Nintendo opening up in New York City in 1979 and the release of the ultra-successful Mr. Game and Watch franchise (the first handheld video game system) in 1980 allowed Nintendo to firmly take root in the video game industry and even create a separate division in the company for arcade game development, which resulted in the release of Donkey Kong in 1981 (one of the first video games that allowed the playable character to jump).

This is where the Famicom comes in.

Wanting to try their hand in creating cartridge-based consoles, conceptual plans for the eventual Famicom were made after witnessing the success of Coleco’s Colecovision, which at the time was one of the best selling home consoles on the American video game market. Originally the plan was to include a keyboard and floppy disk drive but then-President Hiroshi Yamauchi rejected the idea (It’s worth noting that the Famicom did eventually get a floppy disk drive peripheral where you could play games on the Famicom Disk System, more on that later). The name “Famicom” actually came from the wife of Famicom designer Masayuki Uemura after the development team proposed the name “GameCom” and his wife suggested “Famicom” by saying "In Japan, 'pasokon' is used to mean a personal computer, but it is neither a home or personal computer. Perhaps we could say it is a family computer."

Testing began in 1982 to test the functionality. For the famous colors of red and white, it was reported that Yamauchi was inspired by the color scheme of the Japanese antenna company DX Antenna. It was originally released on July 15, 1983 and originally sold for ¥14,800 ($54.50 in 1983 US Dollars, $180.25 in 2020 US Dollars) but it was slow to gain sales as a bad chip in the console would cause it to crash. After it was recalled and patched, sales skyrocketed for the console and became the best-selling console in the country by the end of 1984.

Here are some of the first commercials from the time period:

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Nintendo originally had plans to team up with Atari for marketing but after the latter company discover Coleco illegally demonstrating Donkey Kong on their Coleco Adam system at the 1983 Consumer Electronics Show, the plan fell through after Nintendo delayed their contract for game console marketing as well as Atari CEO Ray Kassar getting fired from the company the following month.

Then the infamous 1983 Video Game Crash happened and that era would shake the video game industry and change it forever.

Although the incident would be featured in-depth in a future Friday Special, what had happened as was that, put simply, too many low-quality, third party gaming consoles oversaturated the market as various companies had wanted to cash in on the booming video game craze. Many of the consoles that were created were met with mixed to low success.

As a result, Nintendo held off on releasing the console to the United States for fear of catching the stigma that video games were getting at the time because of the crash. So for the next year or so, Nintendo went into development for creating a different kind of Famicom system for the American market, one that didn’t explicitly play video games, but was going to be marketed as an “Entertainment System” with the cartridges called “Game Paks”. They changed the hardware design so that the “Game Pak” would be inserted in the front instead of the top like one was playing a cassette and it had “zero insertion force” for the cartridge slot. The color scheme was changed to gray with red lettering and the controllers were also removeable, something that wasn’t possible with the Famicom.

At the 1985 Consumer Electronics Show, Nintendo would unveil the product to the American masses.

That “product” was the original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

The NES would not only restore faith in the American video game market but it would also reframe it into the regulated industry it is today. One of the biggest changes from years before was that now there was a bigger push for having the soundboard and graphics to be on par with one another equally instead of one system receiving better treatment over another, which was common practice at the time to weed out competitors. Other changes included changing the cartridge art so that it actually represents the game being presented as a common problem was that the graphics on the cartridge sticker didn’t accurately portray in-game graphics, and also establishing a strict approval system for future games to ensure that no low-quality video games would taint the system and make Nintendo lose credibility, which was where the “Official Nintendo Seal of Approval” comes from.

The NES originally sold for $180 ($428 in 2020 US Dollars) and it not only revived the American video game industry, it became one of the best-selling consoles that year and eventually of the decade.

So while the NES was making waves in the United States, the Famicom continued to make sales soar over the next few years in Japan. The first major peripheral for the console came in the form of the Famicom Disk System, released on February 21, 1986.

Remember when Yamauchi said no floppy disks because he was concerned that the extra additions to the Famicom would scare off the non-tech-savvy people? Yeah, this was the Disk System mentioned earlier. It was made to enhance some of the best aspects of the original Famicom system such as sound and graphics, despite the high selling price and lower reliability. The release of the peripheral sparked a new era of gaming with the increasing accessibility of massive, writable storage led to the creation of legendary franchises such as Legend of Zelda and Metroid, both in 1986 respectively.

Although the Famicom Disk System was well received, it would eventually fall into obscurity by the early 1990s due to the rise of cartridge-based games. The last game released for the Disk System was in 1992 called Janken Disk Jō. The peripheral would be taken off the market in 1990 and support was discontinued in 2003.

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The other notable peripheral for the console was the Famicom 3D System, released on October 21, 1987. It was a pair of active-shutter glasses that would connect into the third-party port of the Famicom console (the third-party port made an appearance in the last issue, being referenced in the trial against Atari regarding the copyright of Tetris. You can read that article here). It was a commercial failure and quickly shelved, causing the peripheral to never be seen outside of Japan.

All good things must come to an end at some point, where on September 25, 2003, the console was finally discontinued for the Famicom console after almost 20 years of being in the industry. Support was discontinued in 2007 due to increasing difficulty finding parts for console repairs.

Thoughts from the Head

The Famicom will be celebrating its 40th anniversary in 2023 so that will be quite the celebration. If you’re new here, or don’t know me personally, I actually have an original Famicom in my possession! At this moment I have 12 cartridges total with Tetris being my latest as I just got it today as of this post. Some of the games featured range from classics like the first Super Mario Bros, to the most obscure game called Erika to Satoru no Yume Bōken (Guru Larry did a segment on the game in his Developer Rants: Japan Edition video a while back which is how I heard about the game).

It’s a wonderful console and a really cool piece of gaming history. Have some photos!

#my voice!#friday special #retro gaming #history #gaming #irl #I need to do a video at some point showcasing this console #it's magical

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whatwashernameagain · 5 years ago

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Keep him safe - Chapter 31

You can read the previous Chapters here: Ch 1, Ch 5, Ch 10, Ch 15, Ch 20, Ch 25, Ch 30, previous chapter, Ao3 Link, Lo’s, Pat’s and Virgil’s aesthetics, Fantasy AU You are Magical, I’m dying to be with you

Pairings: Logan/Patton, Roman/Virgil

Words: 6.944

Warnings: effects of addiction, personal loss, insecurity, cursing onself

Summary: Detective Logan Sanders and his best friend and dorky partner Roman Prince have made a dear friend in the lovely pattisier Patton. Logan however feels a lot more than friendship for the sweet man, even though he knows he cannot possibly have him. Their routine is broken abruptly when Logan finds bruises on Patton’s fair skin and slender wrists he could hardly have received from his costumary clumsiness. Meanwhile his partner Roman has his own demon to fight, which comes in the form of a little delinquent who seemed to have been pulled into a street gang quite against his will. Roman is determined to help the strange young man. It would be so much easier though if he just stopped hissing at him!

Notes: As many of you noticed I had a moment where I felt a little lost and unloved last week and you all came to my support immediately and cheered me up so much. I didn’t even manage to answer all of the kind and loving asks I’ve gotten due to working late every day. I hope I can tell you all this way that I appreciate your efforts so much! They were just what I needed! I usually post the new chapter only when I’m done answering the comments, but since I promised this one, here we are!

Chapter 31

This was madness. Utter insanity. Virgil was the last person fit for this. Logan should have left him to watch Patton, he could have easily handled his weird neighbor. Considering how tired the dude had looked, if he’d misbehaved a little bump on the head would have sent him into a well-deserved nap pretty quickly.

Maybe his tendency for violence had been the reason Logan had sent him to retrieve Roman.

Still, this was a bad idea! He grew mean when he was anxious and right now he felt like he was bursting at the seams! How could Roman be so stupid, though? Possessive anger pulsed through his veins as he marched up the creaking stairs.

He had Logan and Patton and... he had people who cared, alright?! How dare this piece of shit try to charm him?! He wasn’t some naive, pretty price to be won in some deranged game. Virgil knew exactly what was going on! This glittery bitch was trying to toy with Roman because he was beautiful and protected and therefore unattainable – a prize. Not to him, though! Virgil had seen that he was more than a dramatic stereotype of an attractive jock waiting to be dazzled and claimed. He was selfless and respectful and dangerously sensitive. He was infuriating and loud and soft and attentive and strong for everyone else. And he was weak for someone to come and give him what he craved. Roman just wanted to be loved. And Virgil was filled with icy panic at the thought of this son of a bitch giving him what he needed. He’d lure Roman away with the promise of being the only one. The treasure he’d put on a pedestal to be draped in expensive fabric and admired. That was not what Roman really needed, though. He needed a home. He needed someone who still loved him when he was whiny and obnoxious and so fucking special he made you want to strangle him!

Ugh, Virgil, you utter asshole!

He was the one who deserved to be strangled. The peeling wallpaper of the staircase looked pretty appealing to his fist right now.

All Roman wanted was a bit of attention, a bit of human warmth from him! His mind went to places of sexual favors immediately but even then, he knew he wouldn’t expect that. He just wanted to be loved. The detective’s wishes were so innocent, and even that was too much for Virgil. He was such a fucking- ugh. He hated himself quite a bit right now. Roman asked for so little. And even that was too much for him.

It wasn’t, though! He- damn, this was the most irritating thing! He wanted to give those things to Roman! He wanted to make him smile and feel beautiful and – and even desirable. He wanted to tell him how soft Virgil was for him and how annoyingly adorable he was and how he liked the way his hair fell into his eyes and…

Overwhelmed, his mind just shut down on him. The heat of his blush was probably cooking his brain.

He couldn’t possibly be expected to say those things! Thinking them almost killed him! This was this fucking, manipulative, damned thief’s fault!

That glitter-brained menace knew how to spin words and create grand gestures and make Roman go all starry eyed by playing to his idea about what love was supposed to look like. This was what Virgil hated most about them! They made Roman think shallow, expensive gifts and grand gestures and poetic pain were their love story and it worked because this was the love Roman had grown up with! He’d learned to desperately see love in the expensive lifestyle his absent father had given him or in the flashy gifts his mother had shoved at him instead of going through the trouble of actually loving him.

Fuck, this realization hurt like a knife between the ribs. After all those years, his parents were still hurting him! Virgil wanted to cry for little Roman. He didn’t deserve to have those innocent wishes for warmth and attention used against him. The thief hadn’t talked to him once but had made him feel like a prince needing to be bought with gifts. Like he was important and deserving of expensive shit, as if that was what love was instead of hurting each other and forgiving and working on yourself, working to deserve the other. Facing them even when being seen by your own reflection felt like too much. Wanting to tell them everything bouncing around your erratic brain even though you had no words to explain your ideas yet. Wanting to see them, every day, and needing to know they were close even when being in the same room was too much. Being haunted by their pain even when your own became a pale, common thing you grew used to ignoring. Thinking about what they would say all the time, wanting to tell them about your day at random moments, at all moments. Wanting to be touched, even when the thought was frightening. Wanting their happiness more than your own.

The 9 next to the faded blue door was hanging by the bottom nail, making it appear like a crooked 6. Only as he raised his clenched fist to knock did Virgil’s brain catch up with his panicked emotions.

Wait, he was in the wrong place. This building had a look about it that Virgil was depressingly familiar with. It looked like the bad side of the district he’d grown up in, where prostitutes and unemployed alcoholics and addicts lived. He was pretty sure in his distraction he’d passed an abandoned meth lab on the way up. Loud music was pounding through the thin walls next to him and a couple was screaming above him. Even outside the apartments, he felt the draft of badly isolated windows. It carried the smell of weed and microwave food. Down the corridor, a light was flickering so erratically, it threatened to give him a headache.

Reaching into his pocket again, he pulled out the address Logan had written down for him and checked his phone when the uneven gait of a drunk man climbing the stairs distracted him.

The middle-aged male dressed in a brightly colored track suit looked him up and down slowly. As he opened his mouth, smelling of tequila even from two meters away, Virgil glared at him acidly and hissed, “Keep moving if you know what’s good for you, asshole.”

Taken aback, the guy closed his mouth with an audible click before thinking better of his plans and stumbling away. This little thing with the furiously clenched jaw looked ready to cut him.

Virgil was half disappointed to see the man leave. He could have done well with a chance to blow off some steam. A fight was better than facing Roman this way again and once again losing control of his temper. This place was reminding him of others quite like this one where he'd worked. Of the smell of cheap alcohol. The taste on his tongue. The bitterness and salt.

Turning back to his phone with a curse, he found the address to be correct.

“Fuck.”

He had an idea about what was going on and he hated it. Suddenly, he felt like he had so many nights, standing at the door of his mother’s room, hardly daring to make a sound for fear of missing the sound of her breathing. Terrified of the moment it would stop. The uncertainty was eating him up even now.

He had to wrap his arms around himself to ward off the trembling, the burning tears in his eyes. He needed to grab Roman and bring him home, right now!

Raising his fist, he started banging on the flimsy door almost violently.

“Roman, get your ass here, now!” He hollered. There was a hysterical note in his voice he didn’t like. His breath came short and quick. Hating the fear crawling up his back, he kicked the door hard. The urge to look over his shoulder to check for attackers trying to pin him against the wall was almost impossible to suppress. Where was Roman?

The door was wrenched open hard. A large body framed by murky light filled the doorway, making Virgil flinched and force him to tip his head back to look up a the face of the other man.

Seeing Roman, despite having come here for him, was a shock. He hadn’t really expected to see the graceful, well-groomed man in this place after all. Yet here he was, perfect curls falling into his handsome face, dressed in a pristine white shirt and dark blue trousers and that fucking, bloody scarf thing. His face was pale with surprise.

“Virgil, what’s going on? Are you hurt?” He asked, looking him over worriedly and sweeping the dusty corridor with his gaze. He didn’t ask him inside or move his large body past the narrow opening of the door.

Virgil stared at him and tried to keep his ridiculous, dumb heart from giving out. This was too much.

“Roman, what the actual fuck?”

His voice came out differently than he’d expected. It sounded dry and tired-of-your-shit. And he was. He wanted to bundle Roman up and take him home.

“Um, I- what are you doing here?” The young detective asked, startled. Self-consciously, he hunched his broad shoulders, yet his bulk still managed to hide the flat behind the half-opened door from view. He looked ashamed.

“What do you think, dude? You just- you just up and disappeared and you- you took that and you left this fucking thing?” Virgil hissed, glaring at the cravat and brandishing the note in a white-knuckled grip. “You think I wouldn’t come to- you ran into a fire for this asshole and then you bring his bribery or whatever and a fucking love letter, and you think I wouldn’t come after you?!”

Roman seemed at a loss for words for a moment. He didn’t fight Virgil’s harshly voiced accusations. When he spoke his voice was docile and submissive.

“I didn't intend to make you anxious, Virgil. It’s nothing you need to worry about. I won’t do anything to cause you trouble anymore. You can go back to Logan and Patton.”

“Go- no! I’m not leaving you while you’re being followed around by a fucking stalker!” Virgil screeched, nearing the end of his patience. This place was creeping him out, he didn’t understand what Roman was doing here and he needed him out. He knew what was going on behind walls like these and he couldn’t leave this naive idiot here, he was already a target and so soft for this thief and he needed him where he knew he was safe now.

Grabbing his arm, he tried to pull him along, barely hearing anything over his rising fear of- of whatever it was his fucking brain was coming up with right now- he just- he needed to get him out of here!

Of course, the wall of muscle that was Roman wouldn’t be moved if he didn’t want to be, and for the first time, he wasn’t indulging Virgil.

“I am so sorry, Virgil. I can see that you are distressed. This is no place for you. Please just go home. I won’t worry you anymore.” He promised gently as he pried the pale hand loose from his sleeve. The younger man felt like he’d been punched. Pushed away from Roman’s life. Frustrated tears rose to his eyes.

“NO! You stupid idiot, are you actually this fucking draft? You need to listen – you can’t- you can’t stay here! What the fuck are you staying at this weird place for anyway? For them? You seriously think they’ll- this is fucking madness!” He howled, pulling his hair away from his face roughly. He wanted to punch something. He should have punched that wall. Helplessness made him terrified, and angry.

“Are you serious about this shit?! They are trying to win you but they don’t even know you! Trust me – they have no idea about how exasperating you are – how you spread out your presence wherever you go and make everything messy with shiny stuff like glitter and bright fabrics and shit. I don’t get why you pretend to be so annoying and selfish and then you make me see how much more there is to you - you aren’t the front you put up – that gorgeous, stupid, annoying idiot who tries to be the center of attention because he thinks he’s god’s gift to the world. You’re a mess and you’re reckless and kind to the point of being naive and you – you’re so patient with me, no matter how fucking- how I don’t deserve it and- and they don’t know! They think you’re this stupid façade, but I know you! I don’t get you, no matter how much I think about you, but at least I- ungh fuck, I- just- kill me now…” He whimpered. Miserably, he added, “They don’t want you the way you deserve.”

Stricken, Roman stared at him. He looked hurt and shaken and… utterly lost in the world.

“But… at least they want me.” He muttered softly.

Virgil could swear he heard the moment his heart broke for this stupid man. He barely managed to swallow a scream of utter frustration and humiliation. “But I-” He broke off helplessly, hiding his burning face in his hands and muffling his voice.

“I… you are… I want you, okay?! I don’t- DON’T you dare think this means anything or – I’m not saying- it’s just that you’re- and you-

Disbelief and confusion washed over the younger detective. Totally overwhelmed, he tried to make sense of the stuttered confession. Virgil was already barreling on, though, powered by his frightened anger.

“You can't just fuck off and leave me behind! Do you think I – we - you think we don't give a fuck if you just run off with that extra, bedazzled creep?” He complained, his melodic voice deep and scratchy. He was giving Roman whiplash with his moods.

“I- I’m sorry, Virgil. I didn't mean to hurt you. But- you flinched when I got close to you, and after the fire you were so angry and hid from me. I thought you couldn’t stand to look at me.” He muttered. The rejection still hurt so badly it made tears rise into his green eyes. This couldn’t possibly be true. He didn’t want another repeat of their kiss. Virgil couldn’t sacrifice himself again for what he thought Roman wanted.

“No, I- it’s not your fault!” Virgil groaned in distress. His confession burst from his chest like a physical thing.

“I was ashamed, okay? I was such a dick to you. How could you think I’d think badly of you? You saved someone from a literal burning building – you’re the most heroic, incredible, impossible dumbass in the world – who does something like that? That sort of shit happens in movies, not with real people! I just – I panicked, alright! I got so terrified you’d die, you don’t know how terrible – you can’t die! There’s no one else like you – in the whole fucking world - and if I lost you- I couldn’t- I can’t lose you! What you did was stupid, but it was also so brave and so you, and now that I have that in my life I couldn’t live without it! I got so fucking scared you’d be taken away by your own stupid heroism and treated you so badly because I don’t know how to just- be a fucking decent person anymore and then I couldn’t take it back even though-”

He ran a frustrated hand through his messy hair, his face burning. He hadn’t been this uncomfortable in years. This was too much honesty; it might just kill him.

“Even though I – I admire you, okay?! Saving that person – that was – I don’t know. Pretty brave, I guess. What you do for others, just like that, it just fucking awes me. And exasperates me, too. How you make everything so fucking bright and look at the good side and how you always try to save everyone – that’s not my world. It’s not how people are, but you are that way, just like that. Don’t you get it?” He whispered tiredly.

“My life was ending in hurt and shame and I was just ready to fucking die already and then you came along and just fricking saved me. You- how can I-” Blinking back mortified tears, he groped for words. He couldn’t let Roman keep thinking he was afraid or disgusted with him.

“Sometimes I look at you and I can’t believe you’re real. I wake up at night and think I dreamed you. You’re like- like a-”

Shame made the young man almost lose his courage, but he soldiered on, unable to look at the other man. Roman felt small and insecure and was about to make a terrible mistake because Virgil had made him feel this way, so he had to be brave for once in his life and change that. Roman wasn’t there for the taking. He was… he belonged to someone.

“You’re like the impossible hero I never even dared imagine. You just appeared like a mirage and made everything so… safe. And beautiful. Logan gives us stability, but you- you’re like bloody magic. You took me in your arms the way I was and make me laugh and feel things I’d thought were impossible after – um, you k-know. Point is, you’re a fucking irritating, annoying miracle and I couldn’t handle the thought of losing you. I’m so fucking sorry, Roman. I hurt you when you needed me and made you turn to someone else and I knew you deserved better, but after I fucked up again I just became so ashamed of myself. I couldn’t look at how hurt you were and I couldn’t find words to apologize, so I hid like a coward and – and now… fuck. I drove you away.”

With shaking hands, Virgil unfolded the crumbled note, holding it out to the man who’d chosen the person who’d left it to him, because Virgil had broken his confidence.

“I’m sorry. I know you need something, but this, this isn’t real, even though it might be as… glittery, or whatever, as you deserve. I’m not much, and I can’t really promise- I mean- I’m in over my head, dude, but-”

He was interrupted as his hands were being taken, impossibly tenderly, in larger, shaking ones. Finally daring to look up, Virgil found Roman in tears before him. His green eyes were wide. He was shaking. Then, he was laughing.

A lightness flooded the handsome detective he’d never felt before. It was like he could fly, like he was falling and wouldn’t ever come down. His heart raced with euphoria. He was soaring. Virgil may be burning up with terror and humiliation and he’d take care of him in a second, but right now, he could hardly believe the things he’d told him.

Virgil admired him.

His heart leaped.

Virgil thought he was a hero.

A laugh broke from his chest, watery and unbridled.

Virgil might possibly, unbelievably, just a little bit, want him.

Roman lowered his face and cried overwhelmed tears of joy.

He knew his thundercloud wasn’t propositioning him, he wasn’t ready for anything and didn’t need him like this. The poor, beautiful creature was probably terrified of the expectations he thought he was creating – as if Roman would ever demand anything from him. There were things he’d need to tell him, reassurances to be made. But first, he needed a moment to feel all of this weight fall off his shoulders.

Rubbing his cold hands slowly, so not to startle the jumpy creature that was probably unconsciously waiting to be ambushed after giving a man an opening, no matter how small, he smiled at him tenderly. Finally, he felt like he was permitted to look at him with softness.

“It’s alright, my starry night.” The endearment hung in the air between them for a moment. Virgil looked shaken but didn’t contradict him. He probably felt like he needed to be complacent to tempt Roman back. That would not do. Still, he felt like they were finally on the right path. He’d just need to show Virgil there was a healthy way to move forward, where he didn’t need to offer himself to make Roman happy.

“You don’t need to promise me anything or trade yourself for my complacency, dearest. I vowed not to demand anything from you and a prince stands by his word. The thought of having driven you away with my affection shattered me, but to learn that you don’t feel discomfort in my presence and perhaps even gain a tiny bit of satisfaction from our friendship is enough to make my heart soar with the clouds. And don’t be afraid. This is just fine. It’s all I could wish for.” He promised earnestly, squeezing his hands softly.

“You couldn’t drive me away with anything as long as you actually want me there. I’m happy to come with you, wherever you want to go.”

The utter softness of the detective’s voice brought the young barista up short. Virgil’s breath caught on his emotions. Mortified, he needed to blink back tears. Oh god oh fuck oh shit what had he just told him?! Had he just made a fucking confession? Oh no no no he wanted to die.

Sensing his mortification, Roman offered the safety of his arms hopefully, ready to protect him from this place that made him anxious and to let him hide his face. Knowing the alternative was punching Roman unconscious and running away, Virgil gratefully dove into his arms. What the fuck was supposed to happen? He’d already made a fool of himself, might as well get a hug out of it as well.

“I know you’re scared, little bird.” His deep, hoarse voice rumbled softly against Virgil’s ear where he pressed it against Roman’s chest. He sounded utterly calm, like all of his fears had left him. Like he was where he belonged. His arm settled around the narrow waist and held the trembling creature close while his other hand cupped the the back of his neck in a warm grip.

“There is nothing to fear with me.”

Virgil took in a shuddering breath, overwhelmed by the sudden wave of affection that hit him. He clutched the taller man tighter, squishing their bodies together. He smelled good, of cologne and this heady, male scent that made warmth spread through his veins. Though he was terrified of the possibilities for terrible, terrible things he’d just created, he knew he wouldn’t take those words back if he could. The silk of the cravat tried around Roman’s neck was cool against his cheek, taunting him with the threat of seducing him into another person’s arms. A fire blazed in his chest at the thought. He clutched at the muscle under his hands with sudden possessiveness. He was the one Roman had wanted first. The one he’d fought for and called ridiculous fucking names and gotten in trouble for. He was the one who would protect him from his silly mind that tried to betray him with stupid, romantic idea. He’d protect him from them. And if he had to face his feelings and try to somehow find a way to give him what he needed from him, then he would do that. Despite being frankly terrified. If things went wrong he could destroy his family. He could break Roman’s heart. He was likely to break Roman’s heart actually. He didn’t do lovey dovey relationship stuff! He didn’t even know what he was supposed to do with him! Sex was potentially no problem, of course. He knew he could satisfy him, there was nothing he hadn’t tried and excelled at yet, he was a genius gymnast after all. The problem was the- the emotional bullshit. He didn’t know if what he was feeling was even what he was supposed to feel in a relationship and-

“Hush, darling.” Roman rumbled in his ear. “You’re thinking too much. It’s all good. This is perfect.”

Oh. Okay. This he could do.

Relaxing into the embrace, Virgil allowed himself to be cradled by larger hands, marveling that they remained safely on his back and sides even after his stuttered confession. With the excuse of staying in this position for Roman’s benefit alone, he could breathe quietly and just feel the pleasure of being held onto as if he were the whole world. This actually felt really, really good. All of Roman’s attention was focused on him. He was safe and tender and a dork and so pretty Virgil sometimes hurt just looking at him. And he needed Virgil. He wanted Virgil without demanding anything. He was his for the taking, if he wanted him.

Oh fuck, Virgil wanted him.

He wanted him so much he was ready to straight up murder this bitch if they ever dared so much as breathe on his man again.

Possessive, fierce anger at the thief made Virgil curl his fingers into claws, digging them into Roman’s back. Before he could fully realize he might be hurting him, the taller man gasped and shivered in his tight grip. He didn’t try to hold Virgil harder or pull back. He just let the former criminal have his way with him and fuck, if that wasn’t the hottest thing that had ever happened to him. For Roman, the unloved, undemanding, ignored child, this vanilla, huggy, friendshippy thing might be enough, but it dawned to Virgil that it wasn’t for him. He wanted to grab Roman and have him all to himself. He wanted to be the one who got to claim him and touch him – be the only one who got to touch him - and make him laugh as freely as he had after his confession. He wanted him to look at him alone with those awed, beautiful eyes. He wanted to somehow make him happy and confident. He wanted- he wanted… so much.

Still, even as he realized that he really wanted to touch Roman more, at least as long as he remained so docile and nonthreatening under his hands, he knew the pleasure he could give him as a former prostitute wasn’t what Roman needed. Even though he claimed he would be fine with the little attention Virgil had just given him, he knew he dreamed of more. And the thief would continue to be there to fearlessly court him. Which meant, if Virgil really wanted to keep him, which he, oh my fucking fucking shit, really actually wanted, then he needed to step up his game.

Trying to breathe through the rush of panic at the realization that he would have to try to talk about his feelings, he buried his face in Roman’s neck, standing on his tiptoes to get closer.

Since when did he try to get closer instead of away when he was frightened?

Obediently, Roman’s arms tightened around his waist to support him. A small, pleased sigh escaped him.

Neither knew how long they’d held each other when a creak in the hallway woke them from their comfortable bubble. Drawing back from his hiding place, Virgil immediately felt his face burn crimson. This was worse than that one time he’d almost told Sam Gallagher in High School that he’d liked her. He could have never faced her again. Unbelievable that he’d been stupid enough to say those things to Roman, he lived with the man! Oh fuck.

Roman on the other hand appeared more relaxed than he’d been in weeks. His smile was tender and radiant. Every breath seemed to help him unwind further. He was beautiful.

Virgil forgot a little bit of his shame as he looked at him through his bangs. He’d done that. He’d really put this smile on Roman’s face. It was… amazing. A fluttering lightness warred with his embarrassment and fear. He liked that he’d made him feel this way. It drove away the awful, ugly feeling of guilt and anger inside of him and made space for… whatever the fuck this exciting, dumb thing he was experiencing was. He wasn’t quite ready for more emotional revelations today, so instead he growled, “Can we go home now, dude?”

A little laugh shook Roman’s broad shoulders. He tangled his fingers together in front of him in an unusual show of bashfulness. Virgil liked that too.

“Um… yes, I guess we can return to the apartment, dear.” He answered. Virgil felt safe enough to glare a little at the nickname. That would have to stop once they were of safer ground. He was still a hardened criminal, not some fancy poultry or shit like that. Speaking of the apartment.

Daring to peer around him curiously, Virgil asked, “The heck is this place, anyway?”

“Oh. Never mind that. It’s just more of my tragic, not-at-all-fun-to-listen-to origin story. Let’s just return home and drink cocoa. Perhaps the- the professor has left already.”

Virgil growled. “He better have.”

His anger seemed to calm Roman a great deal. What was the moron thinking? That he’d prefer this weird, trashy, horny man-child over him? Delusional, seriously. And he was way too shy again. Virgil, incredulously, wanted him to talk to him. He wanted him to want to confide in him.

“It doesn’t have to be fun to listen to, you know?” He tried softly. “If you wanna talk feelings I’m here. I give a shit about your past, I guess. Helps me understand you better and… I want to understand you. Weirdo.” He added tamely. Too much niceness would make him break out in hives, he was sure.

Roman chuckled at his attempts to help him open up, ever appreciative of the little effort Virgil was capable of. His shoulders sagged a bit as he considered it. After a moment though, he stepped aside.

Curious and anxious to find a way to get this over with and make him smile again, Virgil stepped past him silently and peered into the wide, empty space.

The apartment was in bad shape. The old, wooden floorboards were scratched and in need of a thorough sanding and a fresh coat of varnish. The walls looked even worse. Long strips of wallpaper were peeled off by nervous hands in many places. What was left of it was splattered with suspiciously reddish splashes and yellowish stains. A narrow bathroom was visible through the door on the right side of the room. The sink was chipped and the mirror above it was spiderwebbed by cracks focused around a point of collision the size of a man’s fist. With horror, Virgil spotted the telltale black shadows of mold on the upper corner. The opposite wall of the bathroom was kicked in partly and revealed the cheap wooden construction underneath. Nothing but a table and a chair were placed in the cold, drafty space aside from a tiny kitchen corner with an old stove and a small fridge that rumbled noisily, and a plastic box filled with dish soap, detergents and such. Despite the deplorable state, everything was as clean as it could possibly be.

Drifting into the damp-smelling room and shivering at the cold air wafting through the badly insulated windows, Virgil took everything in, trying to make sense of what he saw. The door on the other side of the room drew his attention. It was half open and admitted a view of more furniture. Almost afraid to step inside, Virgil slipped through the crack and stopped in his tracks.

On wooden pallets, a mattress covered in clean, dark red linen was placed. At the foot of the improvised bed a plastic sheet was folded that appeared to have usually been pulled over the fabric to protect it from the dust raining from the ceiling. A space heater sat on the ground to ward off the chill the clearly broken radiator couldn’t get rid of. Next to it, Roman’s phone was charging on the ground. On the far wall, a vanity with beauty products sat. On Virgil’s left, a long rack was holding hanger after hanger of clothing tidily zipped up in white cotton covers. And there were boxes. All of them closed tightly with tape to protect them from dust or hungry animals, and all of them tidily labeled. Swiping his gaze over them, he deciphered the swooping handwriting.

Octavia’s books.

Stepping closer, he discovered another sharpie-written label.

Octavia’s PlayStation games.

Another box, tidily and carefully sealed and labeled.

Octavia’s boots/jean jackets.

Crouching down and running almost reverent fingertips over the writing, Virgil continued to read with a sinking heart.

Octavia’s writing/notes/drawings from primary school.

Another box.

Octavia’s t-shirts.

And two more, placed close to the bed and sealed as tightly as the others, unopened.

Octavia’s buttons/jewelry/belts.

Octavia’s pictures/phone/laptop.

Virgil’s vision was blurring as he spotted the bottommost box.

Octavia’s stuffed toys/post-it notes from Nana.

Wiping his eyes, Virgil rose to face the detective making himself as small as possible in the doorway.

“Oh fuck, Roman.” He muttered. Crossing the room with long strides, he grabbed the larger man and pulled him into his arms hard.

Roman shuddered with a suppressed sob and folded himself into the embrace.

“It’s okay, man. I’m here. It’s alright now. I know.”

And he did. He knew in his bones that this was the last place Roman had seen his sister. This was the apartment she had ended up hiding away in to consume the drugs she had fallen prey to. This might even be the place she had died in. The place young Roman had found his big sister in. It was the only thing he had left of her.

He understood, in a way, how you could be so trapped in your pain and your awful memories of the end of a life that you couldn’t look past it too see the good times. You couldn’t remember what the person used to look like before, happy and healthy. The only thing you could remember was their pain and your failure. You could remember nothing but the things you did wrong, instead of the ways you helped. The times you made them smile. The happiness you put into their lives.

He could barely recall the times he’d come home from school to see his mother wave from the window as she’s spotted him walking up the street, so happy to see him. The way her cooking had smelled, the way she had sat at the kitchen table with her feet up, with the slippers with the three buckles and tiny pink flowers on them. The way she liked to go shopping with him and look at the flowers and decorations in the shop. She liked to buy little things to put on the windowsill. A pained, small smile stole its way onto his suddenly tear stained face, surprising him.

“Tell me about what she liked to do best.” He whispered to Roman softly, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

Roman took a deep, shaky breath.

“She… she liked skateboarding. She started secretly learning how to do it in the stables at home. Our parents wouldn’t go there unless they wanted to show off our priced horses. She was so proud when she learned to do a kickflip.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Virgil mumbled into sweet smelling hair, daring to bury his fingers in the thick locks and massage the back of Roman’s head gently. The taller man sighed at the pleasant sensation, unwinding under the pale hands.

“Yes, she was very cool. Mother wanted her to learn how to ride, so Octavia taught the horses tricks. She wanted to do donuts with them. With limited success.”

Virgil laughed incredulously. Roman joined in, reveling in the memory that suddenly became clear before his eyes.

“She was a kick-butt PlayStation player as well. Her and Nana liked to play Mario Cart. They both kept wiping the floor with me. I was always more one for the finer arts.”

“Your fricking Nana played PlayStation?” Virgil asked, delighted with this tidbit of information. He made sure to settle his limber body comfortably against Roman’s, encouraging him to keep holding on.

“Oh yes. Yes, she was good at learning things she wasn’t supposed to as a lady. She used to go rock climbing in her youth and she always owned the fastest cars. We learned how to drive in a Dodge Viper. That turned out to be a very poorly thought out idea, since I got it stuck between the bushes at the estate.”

Virgil gasped with horror and laughter. He pinched Roman’s ticklish side just because he deserved it. “You fricking moron, seriously?! You got to drive a classic sports car and you put it in the bushes?”

Roman yelped and tried to squirm away, with limited success, since he was still holding on to his attacker. Stumbling and getting tangled up with each other, they tumbled to the ground in a heap of limbs. Spluttering with laughter, they settled on the mattress, close enough to lean against each other.

“I’d like to see you do better with a teacher who shows you the wheel and accelerator and tells you to punch it!” Roman howled, playfully offended.

“Octavia managed to finally do her donuts though.” He added. “She went to the horses afterwards and told them to suck on that.”

Virgil giggled, leaning more of his weight on the man huddled close to him. Roman brought his arm up and held him. The young barista continued to weasel happy stories about Octavia and Nana out of the detective until he unpacked one of the boxes, possibly for the first time since he’d sealed it years ago, and showed him her writing. She’d been really good. Rude. Virgil liked that. They poured over her drawings and feisty poems and playfully insulting post-its she’s left for Roman until their shadows grew longer and Logan’s worried texts started making their phones vibrate.

Deciding to end the day on a happy note and to boost Roman’s confidence even if he’d have to deal with the aftermath of his honesty tonight while hiding under his covers, Virgil pulled a few crumbled, glossy magazine pages from the pocket of his jacket.

“I think we better get home. Let’s pack up this stuff with Logan some other time.”

Roman nodded quietly, a soft look on his face. He didn’t protest Virgil’s blatant attempts to steamroll him into moving out of this place. He seemed relieved. Unburdened.

“Here.” Virgil muttered, already feeling a blush coming up and trying to hide it under his bangs. “Let’s look at this fucking picture of you so you can preen again, alright, dude?”

Curiously, Roman flattened the crumbled pages Virgil had ripped from the magazine he’d spotted and impulsively bought on the way home.

It was him.

A large, full color image of Roman. He was striding from a building alight with roaring fire behind his tall figure. Orange light was framing him while smoke billowed dramatically. In his arms he was clutching a slight body huddling close for protection. Despite having felt disoriented and half suffocated as he’d stumbled outside, on the photograph he looked strong and confident, even heroic. A streak of soot was artfully brushed across his cheek. Brightly burning sparks were dancing around him as if he’d been bending the very fire around his body. It was a stunning image.

Baffled, Roman stared at himself, printed in a magazine titled with the lines This detective is on fire. Skimming the text on the second page, phrases and words stood out to him.

‘Detective Roman Prince, who was credited with recovering the secretly stolen St Edward’s Crown as well as bringing down the gang The Howling Scorpions with his partner Logan Sanders…’

‘…fearlessly put his life on the line…’

‘…stormed a factory already blazing brightly due to a suspicion of a missing person…’

‘The precinct asks to respect the hero’s privacy during his recovery…’

‘…will hopefully soon be available for interviews on his daring rescue…’

‘…an idol for young, aspiring officers and civilians alike…’

A chuckle drew him out of his stupor. Virgil was glancing up at him from his hunched position, warm amusement reflected on his features. He looked like he was gazing at something he liked. This look, more than even the article, gave Roman a boost of strength and courage he’d never felt before. Virgil had found and kept this picture of him and as he glanced down at it with a flush, Roman could see that he enjoyed the image. And why shouldn’t he? Roman looked simply radiant! Pride filled every corner of his being. Virgil liked him! Virgil thought he was heroic! He’d probably dream about this image of him – brave and strong and chivalrous! Roman finally, blessedly felt like himself again. Better than himself, he realized as he tenderly gazed at the pale, lovely wildcat shielding his face behind purple locks. He felt like the man Virgil saw in him. He’d never felt his beautiful. Like a hero! An admirable knight!

Feeling a rise of ideas Virgil didn’t appreciate at all, he boxed Roman’s arm firmly.

“OW! WHY?” The detective howled, rubbing his poor, sore arm.

“To cool down your ego.” Virgil growled at him. “Come on. Patton’s making cocoa. We can buy the other magazines for you on the way.”

“THERE’S MORE?!”

*************

It looks like Roman’s arc is starting sooner than anticipated. Virgil will have to work to keep him for himself since Deceit surely will try hard to win his prize. And I wonder who will see his picture in the newspaper?

Next Chapter

#Sanders Sides #my writing #keep him safe #detective AU #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders

164 notes · View notes

sharkhandyman · 4 years ago

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Local Handyman Services: Choosing the Right One for You

If you live in a larger town or city, there can be a number of local handyman services to choose from. The quality of work and of the customer service they deliver ultimately comes down to the individual who is in your home, be that person an employee, partner in a handyman service, or a lone handy man. But there are differences you can anticipate in the many types of handyman businesses out there. Let's consider the likely candidates you will run into

here are many handyman franchises that a business owner can buy. The most successful of these franchises are larger handyman companies with lots of glossy advertisements, trucks or vans with full-body graphics, and can have many employees. Like any franchise local handyman services, much of the work is done for the franchise owner, he or she simply plugs in the different marketing tools and advertisements that are supplied to them in their franchise package and get to work finding employees. This does make the job easier than starting a business from scratch, particularly in a field which they may not be that familiar with. The downside for them is they must pay for all of these bells and whistles, just as with any franchise. This leaves them with a lot of overhead and a small profit margin. In growing their company and employing more workers they start to make money, however the temptation is there to charge a lot for any and all home repairs. If you've ever gotten a number of bids for a given home maintenance project, you've probably been amazed at the range of prices. The handyman franchise will likely be at the higher end of the spectrum here.

The advantage to using large franchised home repair services is they are likely to be able to get to your project very quickly, if they have a number of employees. This can be a big deal if you have an emergency repair to be handled and relatives coming in for a visit. As a helpful tip, talk to the salesman or owner about their employees. Find out who the best guys are. Not all handyman are created equal, and with any given handy man service they will have a couple-three guys who are top-notch craftsman, the rest will be average to good, and one or two who you'd just as soon not have in your house. This is a generality of course, but is pretty consistent with many construction, property maintenance or home repair companies. A few quick questions will tell you who their best guys are, and when you can get them scheduled to do your home repair. If those guys are booked up, then it does defeat the purpose of going with a larger, multi-employee handyman service.

The next option you will find is the smaller company built up from scratch with the owner doing a lot of the work, or with maybe one or two workers. Or this may be the owner and a helper. The advantage to you here is there is a greater sense of accountability with these smaller home handyman services. If there is a problem you won't get 'lost in the shuffle' in getting things handled to your satisfaction. This may be as simple as a quick conversation to clear the air about any confusions, but with a larger company even this can turn into an ordeal.

With a smaller two or three-man operation, asking about their 'best guy' is no longer an issue. Handyman companies of this size either do good work or not. This is determined by the owner. If he is a quality-minded craftsman he will expect this level of work from his help. A handyman service of this size has nowhere near the overhead of a handyman franchise; chances are you will get a better price from them, however even with one employee this creates a drain from the income of the business owner. He has to keep his guy busy and keep him paid, or he'll be quitting, or finding jobs from other sources and thereby become difficult to schedule, so this will be a priority for the business owner. However he probably has a family to feed as well, so needs to make a solid income himself. His prices may be a bit higher.

Next we have the lone handyman. He is a one-man-show. You can get a real mixed bag here. At the low-end is the guy who just wants enough work to keep him in the bar every afternoon. At the top of the scale is the perfectionist craftsman who does not like working for or with others who don't share the same level of professionalism in doing home improvements, even with something as simple as cleaning up when they are done. As far as professional handyman services go, the individual handyman will have the lowest overhead and business expenses. If he is an expert home repair specialist he will probably charge a rate that matches his level of skill, however with probably very low operating costs, his handyman rates will be at the lower end of the scale.

In dealing with any handyman repair service it cannot be stressed often enough that you should get references from each business when you are trying to find a handyman, then call the people on that list. This little bit of homework need not be as difficult as it sounds and can save you from enormous potential headaches. The larger the home repair project, the more this factor applies. A call to your local BBB will weed out the bad eggs, but actually talking to the happy customers of a handy man service will give you a great deal of confidence that you are making a good decision, and talking to other customers may give you ideas of other remodeling or home repair projects you may want done around the house.

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#handyman #Local Handyman

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mydeckbuildingterrace · 4 years ago

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Build a Wooden Deck Building Terrace

Any motivated do-it-yourselfer can build a wooden deck building, provided they adhere to a few simple, but important principles.

Here is some basic theory first, after which we follow and find more the construction of such a terrace step by step.

Would one floor covering be better suited than wood, the natural material of choice, for the transition from the house to the garden? Probably not. Wood is also a pleasant and easy material to work with. Nevertheless, you should certainly not underestimate the construction of even a simple terrace.

That starts with making a wise choice from the numerous types of wood on offer, opting for a suitable structure and the correct fixings, and so on. That is why it is important that before you actually start, you first gather the necessary documentation and information.

The first choice that comes to mind is therefore that of the type of wood you are going to use. More than aesthetic considerations - we will return to this later, it is mainly the properties of the wood that must determine your choice.

Which wood type to choose?

Wood must meet certain conditions in order to be used outdoors. It must be sturdy, durable and resistant to fungi and mold. Depending on its natural durability, wood is classified in durability classes from I to V. Wood in class I is very durable and remains at least

25 years in good contact with the ground. Class II wood has a lifespan of at least 15 to 25 years. Wood that belongs to one of the other three classes is not durable enough for a terrace.

The durability of wood can be improved by having it undergo thorough preventive protection. This can be done in different ways and with different products. A process that is often used is to impregnate coniferous woods by means of a vacuum pressure treatment. Nevertheless, in our opinion, it is better to give preference to wood with great natural durability.

Other properties of the wood that must be taken into account are its stability (few changes in shape) and its stiffness (which determines the bearing capacity).

Some native woods such as chestnut and oak have the required qualities, but are not always sufficiently available or sometimes simply too expensive.

Most tropical woods that are recommended for a deck building are also suitable for this, but there are different ethical and ecological problems. In any case, always ask for wood with an FSC label.

Teak is the best type of wood for terraces, but the high price (more than 120 euros per m2, excluding VAT and installation) deters many enthusiasts. Other, more affordable woods have replaced teak.

Bangkirai is the best known example of this. This type of wood from the humid forests of Indonesia and Malaysia completely took over the market in the 1990s and completely supplanted all other types of wood for a while. But bangkirai (or yellow balau), is in fact a generic name that includes a dozen or so Shorea species with dissimilar characteristics. The specific weight (the 'density'), for example, varies from 700 to 1,150 kg per cubic meter.

Bangkirai belongs to durability class II (service life of 15 to 25 years) and offers good value for money, if the wood is of good origin, with the quality label 'Select and better'. It does have some imperfections. Some varieties contain gums that can cause brown spots on underlying elements of the structure. The wood also tends to crack surface when exposed to the sun and sometimes has small dark holes resulting from worms. None of these errors have a negative impact on the durability of the wood.

Finally, Bangkirai also has a tendency to turn black when oiled or varnished regularly, and can warp a bit over time.

It is very hard, very heavy wood (1,050 kg / m3) and very durable (class I). It is also called 'green ebony' because of its properties. The wood is green to yellowish brown and the grain is very fine. The big disadvantage is that it shrinks considerably when drying, which is reflected in cracks between planks that can reach 5 mm between the humid season and full summer.

According to specialists, a scarcity of ipé can be expected in 5 to 10 years. The price is also rising rapidly (+ 50% in just over a year).

Others, mainly African woods, are ready to change the guard. The most common or most promising ones are presented in the box on the left.

Structure

A wooden terrace is almost always executed in much the same way: a plank floor fixed on a beam structure. This structure can run parallel but is better crossed, so that a solid grid is created. The spacing between the beams depends on the thickness and width of the boards that will be placed on it. Planks of 20 mm thick and 140 mm wide must be supported at an intermediate distance of maximum 40 cm. Per additional mm of thickness or per additional 2 cm width, the intermediate distance may increase by 4 to 5 cm.

You also need to ensure that you insulate the structure as well as possible from ground moisture. A drainage deck building geotextile under the terrace is also recommended, as it prevents the growth of weeds.

So much for the basic principles, but depending on the circumstances, the constructions can become a lot more complicated.

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years ago

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862.

1. have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse?: >> I did get soap in my mouth, but not for cursing; for “talking back” or being “fresh”, mostly. I was (understandably...) too afraid to do anything as brash as curse. I don’t think it’s an appropriate disciplinary measure at all, unless your mission is to confuse and frighten your child into obedience... which, apparently, is a lot of parents’ ultimate goal, it seems.

2. what age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore?: >> I really don’t have a solid opinion about this. I tend to skew a little unorthodox on this front, which is probably best left unexplored (fortunately, this is all hypothetical and I’ll never have to address this situation in real life).

3. do you know what the word “polyamorous” means? and did you ever hear that song by breaking benjamin?: >> I know what it means, and I do remember the Breaking Benjamin song.

4. how many bug bites do you currently have?: >> Zero.

5. what’s one word you always have trouble spelling and can’t remember the correct spelling of?: >> I don’t think there’s any word like that. Spelling and phonics is one of my few strong suits.

6. what’s one band that really sucks live?: >> I don’t know, I haven’t seen any that I thought sucked performance-wise (I have seen a few whose music I just didn’t care for, like some opening acts, but that has nothing to do with the quality of their performance).

7. do you go to warped tour? why or why not?: >> I have never been to Warped Tour. I just never got an opportunity to go, or I was never interested, or whatever.

8. do you have any wind chimes outside your house? how many?: >> No. Some neighbours have them, I think.

9. do you know someone who actually had someone give them a bouquet of real roses and one fake one, and tell them they’ll love them until the last one dies?: >> I’ve never even heard of that.

10. which do you like better, firefox or internet explorer?: >> Firefox.

11. who is the most attractive person on your street?: >> ---

12. do you have a flat stomach? would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off?: >> I no longer have a flat stomach, and you wouldn’t catch me dead in a crop top.

13. which do you prefer on yourself, long or short hair?: >> I like how I look with long hair, but I prefer the low maintenance of short hair. So, I buzz my head, and I wear wigs when I feel like it. Best of both worlds.

14. what about on your preferred sex? long or short?: >> ---

15. with eyebrow piercings, do you prefer the ring or the curved barbell?: >> I have no opinion.

16. have you ever pierced something yourself? why and what was it?: >> Yeah, I pierced my ears a few times. I did it because I wanted to? And also because I couldn’t afford to have them professionally done. I also did it when I was 16 because my father wouldn’t let me get a cartilage piercing, so I pierced my own ear at work one day. (My father eventually noticed because I put the most ridiculously obvious jewelry in it... hold on, I’m going to find a photo of what I’m talking about because like... what did I expect to happen)

looked something like that. I straight up deserved to get caught.

17. would you date someone who was five years older than you?: >> I don’t date, but that wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if I did.

18. i heard of a girl whose boyfriend cheated on her with a 13yearold (he’s 18) and got her pregnant, so she left him. what would you have done if you were in her situation?: >> I... just can’t imagine being in this situation, sorry.

19. how old was the youngest person you ever found attractive? and how old were you?: >> Oh, I don’t know. Probably not much younger than myself; my tastes always skewed older (oftentimes much older).

20. isn’t it annoying when you’re trying to start conversation with someone and all they say is “yup” or “really now” or something like that?: >> Not necessarily, unless they’re usually much more exuberant and participatory than that. Then I’d wonder if something was wrong (and if it was my fault).

21. if you have aim, do you have any linked screen names? how many?: >> ---

22. which of your favorite bands released a new album last?: >> I’m not sure.

23. are you waiting for any bands to release new albums? which ones?: >> No.

24. what’s your favorite store for buying cds and such at?: >> Back in the day when that was my primary mode of listening to music, my favourite music stores were Virgin Megastore and Tower Records. Ah, nostalgia.

25. what’s the point in buying dvds like “girls gone wild” and other porn if you can get tons more online for free?: >> Well, people generally do watch more porn online nowadays, I think. But the benefit of having a DVD is that... you never have to worry about the video being taken down, and you always have it available (so, even if you don’t have internet connection, etc). It’s the same argument for having paper books or movies/shows on DVD, really.

26. if you had to have one drug (illegal ones, like marijuana and cocaine and all of them) right now, what would it be?: >> Well, marijuana is technically legal here (although I think new recreational dispensary openings in this city have been kinda interrupted by the whole pandemic business, so it’s still a bit hard to access for now). The only drugs I’m even interested in anymore (besides maybe a little low-THC weed, just to see) are psychedelics, and I don’t just want to take them casually, I want a tripsitter or a therapist present. So it’s more complicated than just “getting the drug”.

27. would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)?: >> I would love that. I have had the idea to have a tree-rings tattoo down my left arm like the astronaut character in The Fountain for years.

28. do you have a wireless mouse and/or keyboard?: >> No, my keyboard and mouse are both wired, which is logical. Wouldn’t it suck if I was in the middle of a boss fight in FFXIV and the battery in my keyboard or mouse just fuckin died? Yikes.

29. do you think your biological parents love each other?: >> They did not love each other, from my perspective. I don’t even know if my father is capable of loving anyone, the way he fucking acts.

30. do you have callouses on your feet?: >> No.

31. did you see the commercial for that “foot grater” on tv that basically shaves the callouses off of your feet? isn’t that nasty to think about?: >> That is nasty to think about, and I don’t think it’s even necessary. Anything to make a buck, I guess.

31. what’s your favorite color combination (ex. pink and purple)?: >> I don’t know, I like a lot of colour combinations.

32. ever been to watchmovies.net? what do you think of the quality of the movies there?: >> Yeah. I don’t like sites like that because I can never get good subtitles and also they’re always buffering and shit. I can’t put up with that anymore, I paid my dues back in my literally-broke days.

33. what’s one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet?: >> Everything on my watchlists across the four streaming services I patronise. I just don’t always have movie-watching energy (or time), so it’s slow going to get through all my watchlists.

34. would you rather live alone in a huge mansion or alone in a small studio apartment?: >> Alone in a small studio apartment. Unless the huge mansion had a staff, because I really can’t fucking imagine keeping a mansion clean and maintained otherwise. But... huge mansions often come with a lot of acreage... and no neighbours... that’d be nice.

35. if you came across child porn on your computer, what would you do?: >> How the fuck would that even happen? Let’s not get silly here.

36. what’s the last computer game you played?: >> Final Fantasy XIV.

37. what’s the name of the street you live on?: >> Eh, let’s not.

38. would you ever dye your entire head blonde?: >> No.

39. what’s the randomest thing you ever heard of someone collecting?: >> I don’t know, most things people collect seem random to me.

40. how often do you use “<3” or “:]”?: >> Rarely.

41. isn’t it annoying how people walk around thinking hollister logo tshirts and ripped jeans are preppy, even though those things would never be allowed in a prepatory school because of the dress code?: >> *stares blankly in “I don’t care”*

42. how do you feel about abortion?: >> I am pro-choice.

43. what’s one thing your grandmother does that you can’t stand?: >> ---

44. did you ever notice how it’s more tragic if a younger person dies than an older person, even if they both died of the same cause?: >> It does seem that way to people, but I don’t see it that way myself. Of course I’d rather die when I’m old than, like, right now, but hey. It be like that.

45. when’s the last time you snuck around, and where did you go?: >> I don’t have to sneak around.

46. how often do you wash your hair?: >> Once a week, provided I remember.

47. do you think the price for a movie ticket is too high these days?: >> Not here, it isn’t. In NYC, it was fucking astronomical.

48. have you ever been to a drive-in movie theater?: >> No. I’d like to one day, that seems fun. But only if I have a convertible, lol.

49. what’s your favorite musical?: >> Phantom of the Opera.

50. what do you think of dr. seuss?: >> I’ve never read him (that I can remember) and I don’t care.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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phoebewallerbrigde · 5 years ago

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All For Us, (a Reddie x Euphoria HBO) fanfiction

"It was the end of summer, back-to-school was coming up, I had no intention of staying clean and Richie Trashmouth Tozier was back in Derry."

Without any filter but with humor and franchise, here's the harsh coming of age story of Derry's youth through the eyes of Eddie Kaspbrak, 17, fresh out of rehab.

read it on AO3 || Explicit || 8k || 1/?

Hope you like it guys !

There was a time in my life where everything was fine, but that, that was before I was ripped out of my mother’s womb. Since then, it’s been shit.

Chapter 1 : Screwed.

I was born on September 3rd, 2002 in a world post 9/11 completely overwhelmed by the mourning and the duty of memory. It has been four months since Sam Raimi's Spiderman was at the top of the world box office and that Peter Parker had managed to give hope to America and New York. Far from everything and from New York, there was my mother and my father, and I was their Spiderman. Nice, huh? I don’t think so.

---

My life begins without warning with a childhood in a big house in the depths of America's asshole. Derry, Maine. A small town so small that everyone knows each other and knows everything. That’s where the problems start. My father became ill when I was 9 years old and my overprotective mother was already beginning to fall into what I call "parental and marital abuse". Life at home was absolutely not great, especially because of my "not fitting" behavior.

"Eddie-bear, is everything okay?" asked Sonia Kaspbrak worried.

A 10-year-old Eddie was still staring at the front door counting seconds every time he heard the clock tick of the dining room.

"Eddie-bear, look at me." she added in a calm voice. "You did not even touch your .."

Eddie turned her head to Sonia and began to cry at once. Sonia and Frank looked at each other in amazement, feeling completely helpless.

They did what every healthy-minded parent would do, choosing to consult several doctors, a psychologist and a children's psychiatrist. I wasn't physically abused, I always drank at least a liter of water a day, my mother prepared me good dishes, my father did not hit me...

"Your son has OCD, ADHD and anxiety. He has a higher brain activity than the average child for his age, probably due to hypersensitivity and perhaps also to behavioral disorders... But he’s still too young to tell."

The psychiatrist's voice left a blank in the room and Sonia Kaspbrak burst into tears. Frank stroked his wife's back for reassurance and Eddie turned to his mother without understanding what was happening.

So why do I have this?

---

"Neuroatypical, you are neuroatypical, Eddie-bear."

Eddie mimicked his mother while eating his cereal bowl, she glanced him, he stopped and sighed.

"Show me your phone, I'll check your alarms."

An 11-year-old Eddie contemplated the capsules, pills and other medications that his mother was carefully distributing in each compartment of his medicine box. He handed him his yellow iPhone 5c that he had already unlocked on the alarms page.

"You have to take all your medicine, at the times indicated."

"I know, Ma."

Sonia looked at her son, who continued to eat with a peeved look on his face. She sat down beside him, putting down his cellphone and the box of compartmentalized tablets.

"You know ... there are lots of famous people like you - famous people, super creative and smart." She managed to catch Eddie's attention and then continued. "Look, your favorite actor who plays in The Truman Show for example."

"Jim Carrey?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Sonia with a smile.

Yeah, and we all remember Jim Carrey during the 00s New Year Eve on David Letterman's set.

"A genius." ended Eddie with a smile before getting up and packing his box in his fanny pack.

I don’t really remember my pre-adolescence and all that time when I was 10 to 12. I mean, I remember my friends, how meaningless life was, how fast everything was falling apart for us because of daddy’s pneumonia, and how the world was going way too fast for my brain. And that sometimes, if I happened to think too much about everything, to concentrate too much on an smell or on the number of germs present under the table on which I wrote or on the strange way that I breathed ... I had a violent asthma attack. The space of a moment. But very quickly the space of a moment became all the time and all the time became a fight to fight these crises. And frankly...

"So this day, son?" Frank asked with a smile as Eddie walked into his room still dressed with his backpack.

He could hear his father listen to Queen and David Bowie's Under Pressure, one of his favorite songs who became one of his. That made him sketch a small smile.

"I'm fucking done with it."

---

I’m not necessarily proud of the choices I’ve made, but it wasn’t really like my mom didn’t push me. The house was full of meds. Meds here, meds there, meds in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the guest room, in the garage. My mother ordered meds profusely but gave me "gazebos" when I was perhaps the one who needed treatment the most. A treatment, I needed a treatment. I got it. It was there in front of me, everywhere, I knew every name and every dose of what the psychiatrist was giving me, it was not hard to remember, so I took it. I took but nothing. I did not feel any difference, the asthma attacks, the tremors, the sadness were still there. I took again and again and always more. When I went to the doctors, they increased the doses and I changed my mother's gazebos with my real meds. It made me feel something in the end, but it was too late, I was already addicted. But after all, is it really my fault? Oh, and I think we say "placebos".

12 years old and already on medication dependence. 13 years old and I stole my father’s morphine and other painkillers. 14 years old and I was asking for more with my psychotropics. 15 years old, I took my 1st taz and smoked my first joint. 16 years old and I sniffed my first rail, the first among others. That's why Georgie Denbrough found me unconscious in my own vomit. I had become a junkie ? I don’t know. I just liked the feeling. The feeling that it gave me, the nothingness. For once on earth, for as long as I can remember, I felt something new every time. It was this need that had led Georgie to scream with fear, which alerted Bill Denbrough to run to discover the disaster and tell him to look for my mother as he tried to wake me up. Poor Big Bill, he thought I was dead. I believed it, too.

I spent the whole summer in rehab after that, I never understood why. Well, I did but I didn’t think I was addicted to drugs. Drugs filled the gap that meds sometimes leave when it’s over. But I’ve learned that meds, too, are drugs.

"Eddie!"

"Georgie!"

Georgie ran into Eddie's arms, Eddie couldn’t help laughing and making remarks about how Georgie was almost ahead of him now. This made Bill laugh when he came to give him their secret handshake before taking the smallest in his arms.

"Hey!" whispered Eddie with a big smile.

Sonia in the distance watched her son squeeze the only two friends she had allowed to come with her to pick up Eddie, since they had been present and saved him with the accident. They ended up taking the road with them to their house.

"I'm so happy you're back home, Eddie-darling, I missed you so much, never do that again, you gave me up for 3 long months, you realize, I could not to do nothing without you, I was so lonely and you know how much I hate it, never do that again, I made an appointment with the hospital for full exams and we will change you your doses, I will take good care of you my ... "

Eddie stopped paying attention to his mother, he looked around, Georgie and Bill cheerfully discussed everything Bill had planned to do to make up for lost time with Eddie. Not to mention the Losers, but Eddie figured out they were in. The brunette one landed on the windowsill and let the wind caress his face. He noticed in the distance a boy on a bicycle, this long and thin figure was telling him something. Brown curls, an alternative style between neglected but sought after, worn out converses, pale skin to death. Eddie’s eyes marveled at his sight when the car passed him. He felt his heartbeat accelerate and his heart pounding.

And that’s when the beginning of the end really began. It was the end of summer, back-to-school was coming up, I had no intention of staying clean and Richard Trashmouth Tozier was back in Derry. I had to talk to the one person who knew everything about everything.

---

"So ... How long have you been back among us? You have completely hidden your return." Mike asked, eating his salad.

"A week and I didn’t hide everything! I was in quarantine between the hospital and at home all week, thanks Ma. Bill didn’t tell you?" said Eddie watching Mike eat.

"Bill and I don’t really talk right now when we see each other. You know that."

Mike is probably the smartest person I know, yet he still didn’t dare tell the love of his life that he loved him. At the same time, he was living on a planet other than ours and didn’t really have time to be a normal high school student. It was easier to fuck Bill and continue to just be his bro than become his significant other.

"Richie is back, by the way."

"Ah."

"Yup, he went to the farm and got a 50$ of weed. He didn’t even want me to give him a price."

"D'you know more?" "Hm... He’s already been here for two weeks. He seemed pretty happy to be back, California changes you a man." said Mike laughing what made Eddie smile. "We’ll see when we get back to school."

Eddie nodded at Mike.

"How are you feeling ?" Mike asked, carefully watching Eddie.

"Great since I gave my life to abstinence and I stopped jerking off." Eddie answered seriously.

"Oh ...... Cool, cool, cool, I'm really happy for you."

"Mike, I’m messing with you. You should see your face." Eddie laughed while Mike gave him a pat on the shoulder. " Anyway, that’s not all, but is your grandfather here, Vegemike?"

"Are you serious bro?"

"Hey, it's not because I'm doing a rehab that I'm going to stay clean."

"But.... Isn’t that the point of a rehab? I won’t let you do something stupid again."

"Come on, just weed."

"You do not like weed, Kaspbrak."

"Fine but can I at least have your cherry tomatoes?"

Mike nodded and smiled at his best friend who continued to eat his salad with him.

Something I missed this summer? My trips to the Hanlon farm. Mike being a divine cook and plus a vegan, obviously, his food was safe and harmless to me. And the Hanlon house was the best hostess for parties, it was big, rebuilt in recent years and far enough to be quiet. I must have missed a lot of parties, but if there was one coming up, Stanley Uris'. And if you thought I was gonna miss it, the last big party before school, so the most important one of the summer, you can suck my dick. That’s probably why that piece of shit of Henry Bowers brought his ass back to the farm. It’s a good thing the Hanlons were selling him their wares for twice as much.

"Yo, there you go! That’s his mama’s boy!" he cried as he entered the storefront. "I thought you were dead. Good, because my knife will be able to tate the ground."

"Go get your shit and get off him, dude."

"You’re lucky I haven’t touched you since you’re the best drug dealer in town, but don’t trust me, nig.."

Mike rose sharply and faced Bowers. His eyes were black and Bowers backed away.

"All right, all right, I’ll go."

I never liked Henry Bowers, and I truly believe no one has ever loved him. Even his father hates him. If you were looking for someone to identify as the rich cis hit white man in this city, it was him. He was "untouchable" or rather believed himself untouchable because his father was the most influential guy in the city. He had been sheriff but had ended up building his business and it had taken. It was quite unbelievable, however, now Bowers was living his best life and did not think he had to be accountable to anyone when he still had a mullet cut in 2019 and that he should clearly shut up the fuck up. Before, he harassed me as well as the rest of the Losers club, for my part I was entitled to homophobic insults in profusion. But one day we humiliated him front of his friends. Since then he has left us alone and yesterday’s nerds his become today’s popular. Karma, as they say.

---

It was about to get dark in a few hours, a young man was cycling in the streets of Derry. He was tall, fine and handsome. A car passed by him and he was destabilized.

"Back among us, motherfucker, this is my secret sauce as a welcome gift, Tozier!"

Bowers' voice was loud and Hockstetter's laugh had not failed him. Richie had managed to avoid the milkshake he had sent him. He gave him fingers as he went away and Richie sighed on his way home. He passed by the kitchen and dropped off his racing bag and went to his room where he threw himself into his bed. He took out his phone and went straight to Grindr. Richie was scrolling, watching nudes, messages, chatting with people, going from Grindr to Tinder, and finally finding happiness. For tonight, anyway, then took a nap.

If there was anyone that nobody expected to see again in Derry, it was Richie fucking Tozier. He told me he was back from his parents' divorce. His father had kept the old family house in which he lived in Derry. Something must have happened with his mother in California because Richie preferred to come and live with his father in our good ol' Derry, but he refused to tell me what happened. That Tozier really is a moron.

Richie awoke. It was already 7 pm. He sighed, got up, went downstairs to eat with his father who had prepared some homemade pizzas and then went back to his room. It was 8 pm. He got motivated, launched his "Party times" playlist which debuted on Plus Putes Que Toutes Les Putes from the French band Orties. He took a shower and picked out an outfit. When he found the right one, he couldn’t help but smile. A black wide sweater with a yellow stripe in the middle and "The villa hopes" written on it, simple black slim jeans, red socks and its Converses x 70 x OFF Springs Velour Patchwork. He rolled up his sleeves, made himself up by putting on black, blue, yellow and red eyeliner to make an editiorial makeup, nothing too dramatic. He was dancing in front of his mirror and laughing. He passed his hands several times without his brown curls, put big silver rings on his fingers and finally put on his necklaces including his favorite, the one with a red balloon pendant. He took his Lacoste fanny pack and while looking at it, he had a little smile thinking of the one person who had never stopped wearing these before it became trendy again. He went down the stairs and fell on his father.

"Oh, look at yourself ! So, where are you going?" asked Wenthworth Tozier while observing his son.

Richie arrived in front of his father after crossing the living room. They lived in a beautiful house, quite luxurious from the outside as well as the inside. Richie hugged his father to reassure him.

"To a party, with friends."

"Friends ?"

"Yes, my old friends, dad."

Wenthworth nodded and Richie waved his hand with his index finger and middle finger at his temple before moving them away.

"Watch out, have fun and protect yourself, Rich!"

Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Tozier, Richie was sure to protect himself properly with those Saint Laurent condoms in his bag.

Richie smiled at his father before taking his bike and leaving.

Richie did not want his return to make too much noise. Yet it was all the opposite effect. Everyone who had lived in Derry between 2002 and 2016, so everyone, knew Richie Trashmouth Tozier. The first to know about Richie's return was Ben. Simply because the two were following the same two-week artistic summer course that the school had organized. It was a little stupid because Richie was a little genius despite appearances and Ben was just good at everything without having to force. At least Ben had been able to reconnect with Richie and pass the information to the rest of Losers, but except me, of course.

When he arrived in front of a hotel in the city, he smiled at the message of the chosen one and sent a message to Ben.

[Forget me for tonight, I have a date.]

Ben glanced at his phone, and then at Beverly. Both exchanged suspicious looks.

"What’s going on?" Beverly asked.

"It’s Richie. He says he’s not coming tonight."

"What did you told him?" Beverly looked at herself in the mirror.

"Nothing! He’s just gonna do his little business with someone."

"Oh okay, chill, he’ll come later. Why you scare us like that!" replied Beverly getting close to Ben to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Ben went red in action and Betty Ripsom made a disgusting sound. Beverly stopped to look at the brunette, she had completely forgotten her presence. After all, it was her who'll dropped them off at Stanley’s. "Stop. You’ll do the same thing tonight and even more," she said looking at her.

In case you're wondering, yes, Ben is in love with Bev. For far too long for me to remember. For Bev, however, nobody really knows. Bev is a mystery to everyone, I still wonder why she's friends with us. She's a cheerleader, she's so popular, much more than Mike or Bill or Stan. She has a reputation behind her, yet it has never stopped her from being the baddest bitch in town. A real rolemodel to the twink that I am. Perhaps the most amazing thing is that she was fake dated for a month with Bowers just for a bet and it lasted until today, well, until two days ago. She still made 200 dollars on it every month.

"You slept with Bowers, you do not have the right to speak." Betty retorted.

"A hand job. It was a hand job and it happened once during the 3 months of the bet. Then anyway, Bowers is a clown. It’s not Penny Wise who’s gonna say otherwise. I was able to take away as much as I could before I dumped him. And tonight, we move on." she said, turning to Ben.

"Yes, that’s what everyone wants to hear! Shit Ben, tonight you have to fuck! Not just a handjob or a blowjob! It’s not the '80s anymore, you have to catch some pussy."

Ben smiled slightly embarrassed and turned to Beverly who grinned while listening to Betty. He totally ignored Betty’s words, then lowered his head, a little disappointed. He really wanted to disappear underground at this very moment.

In his place, I’d like to, too. Thank you, Betty.

---

"Ma ? I’m leaving."

"Where, Eddie-bear? And so late? You can’t leave me like this." Sonia said as her son came into the living room. "And dressed like that? You look like a bad boy, I don’t like it."

"That’s my usual style, Ma. It’s only 10 pm and I’m going to Bill’s. Don’t wait for me and don’t panic. And yes, I took my medicine with me and my insulin just in case. See you, Ma."

A 16-year-old Eddie closed the front door and leaned back against it, looking down the street and sighing. He was divinely handsome, he had combed his hair, put glitter on his eyes and mascara which gave him an even more intense look. He had put on a silk shirt with patterns like the rich women's scarves, the colors were soft and pastel like salmon, beige, yellow or baby blue but it contrasted with his lame bomber and his slightly tanned and brilliant skin. With that, he had put some necklaces and he also let see his chest. He was wearing his white low converses and black skinny ripped jeans. He took a puff from his inhaler and looked at his bike lying on the ground. He turned his head away and began to walk. He took out his airpods and launched one of his Daily Mix on Spotify, he closed his eyes at Alphaville's Forever Young.

It is never easy to leave this house with a mother as unbearable as mine. In fact, I lied. I’m not going to go to Bill’s, it would be too much of a detour. We’ll meet at the party. I preferred to walk because when I drink, I don’t take the road because...

All the times he passed out, in the middle of the road completely drunk, kept coming to his mind as a nightmare.

You got it, anyway. I know, you're surprised that I drink, but alcohol is pretty much the same as my meds. Except for beer, I hate beer.

Eddie was quietly walking around, dancing, listening to Rubberband Man from the Spinners, and clearly living his best life. When a noisy car because of the music made itself heard more and more as it passed by. The passengers listened to Dang! of Mac Miller and that made Eddie smile, he loved Mac Miller.

"Oh my god, stop the car." exclaimed Beverly. "I said stop the car, Betty."

"Why ?" Betty asked, slowing down.

"We just passed Eddie Kaspbrak!" said Ben looking in through the back window.

"Oh my God! I think he was dead." Betty laughed.

"Shut up. You should be the one to die, Ripsom." Ben replied.

Eddie walked in front of them, not paying attention.

"Yo, the comeback!" yelled Beverly what pulled Eddie out of his music.

He turned to her and looked at her with a smile. She had a big smile and he leaned towards her.

"It’s good to see you again, we missed you." she said in all sincerity.

Ben nodded, which made Eddie smile, he almost had tears in his eyes. His best friends had not forgotten him.

"Are you being dropped somewhere?" Betty Ripsom asked.

"Well, thank you !"

Eddie waved to him and Ben opened the back door. He got into beautiful Betty's Volvo and Bev turned to him.

"What the hell are you listening to? Certainly not the New Kids On The Block." She said looking at Ben who shook his head negatively by squinting his eyes.

Eddie looked at his iPhone 8, Rubberband Man was finished, he pouted at the next song.

"London Calling." he answered hesitantly.

"Perfect."

The music started in the car, all four began to jam in the car while singing.

The party was already in full swing when I arrived with the others. Stan’s house was shining from the outside and eclipsing all the other houses, it was beautiful to see. From the inside, it looked like it was going to explode. In every room, chaos. A kind of stifling heat emanated as Megan Thee Stallion’s Hot Girl Summer filled the house. The minute Stan’s eyes crossed mine, he left Patricia for my arms. It was nice, it wasn’t every day that Staniel gave you a hug.

"Oh, fuck, Edward Kaspbrak himself, that's crazy, I .. I'm so happy to see you!" Stan shouted in his arms. Stan held him so tight that Eddie felt he was going to choke him. He must have been a little drunk. He was wearing a stretch short-sleeved shirt in washed jeans with black pants and chelsea boots. It was divine.

He had always been, it was Stan, he could afford it. He was smart, mature, funny, an excellent counselor, the mom of the group and he also organized the best parties in high school. How having money is really cool.

"Hey everyone! Look who’s back! To Eddie!" shouted Bev while lifting up her shot of tequila in the air.

The people present in the room did the same and repeated these two words at the same time. Bill raised his glass in my direction, he gave me a big smile and I was a little embarrassed. Everyone drank their glasses. Bev gave me a shot of tequila, everyone was looking at me now. It was weird. Being the center of attention is clearly not my stuff. But, I drank that shot and after that, everyone screamed for joy. Bev gave me a hug, then Mike just added himself to the hug, then Bill and then Stan. The Losers were together and I could clearly hear Billie Eilish’s Bellyache in my head.

---

The hotel was rather classy, the room too, thought Richie. He did not know that places like this existed in Derry. The chosen one was therefore fortunate. When he returned from a room that served as a kitchen with two glasses of champagne. Richie looked at him carefully, he liked to sleep with older men, but he never imagined that Butch Bowers was that kind of man.

Thank you." he said, looking at the man standing in front of him.

"Your face is familiar to me, have we ever seen each other?" Butch asked, looking at Richie.

Later, Riche told me that at the moment he wanted to say yes. He really should have done it.

"Not that I remember."

Butch nodded and drank his glass of champagne.

Richie had said he was 18, technically he was not lying, he was actually going to have them. The knowledge. And Richie was consenting.

Butch watched Richie.

"We will not fuck, you're too young."

Richie nodded, he avoided swallowing.

"I envy your generation, however. When I see you, I see two life choices."

He stroked Richie's cheek, then his lips with his thumb. Richie was looking at him almost religiously. There was a kind of tension in the room. They were not going to sleep together, but it was almost as if. In a parallel dimension, it was happening.

"You can leave, live an extremely beautiful life elsewhere, be fully yourself, find love, or you can stay here and end up like me, hanging out in fancy hotels." Butch continued looking at Richie's eyes.

"Both choices are possible." retorted Richie.

Butch's thumb sank into Richie's mouth.

"If only I could, I'd smash you." he said in a low voice.

Richie closed his eyes. He could not really say what he was looking for in this kind of completely barge plan. But there was so much he was looking for. One was definitely that special bond he had once bonded with a unique person in his life. When both made leave of this vocal flirtation, this visual fuck. Richie put California by Lana Del Rey in his ears.

He looked at the door of the closed bathroom because the chosen one was taking a shower, he must have met someone before him and shoot his shot. Richie looked at his phone and left the room without making a noise. Once outside the hotel, he lit a cigarette. He took a few steps to his bike, when the song ended, the cigarette was too. He changed his song and went straight to Stan's house.

And there. The evening went fucking nuts.

The huge stairs in Stan's house were flooded and mobilized by people kissing, drinking or whatever. The music was in full swing, Eddie did not know the song, but he would have sworn it was one of the songs that Mike composed during his free time. He pushed people a bit to pass and went to the nearest toilet. He closed the door and looked at himself in the mirror before taking a breath of his ventoline. He kept looking in his bag with a tiny vial of white powder inside. There was almost nothing, but it did not matter because Eddie knew it was extremely strong. He spread it on a small spatula attached to his keychain which he had disinfected before and sniffed everything. He ran a hand through his hair and left the room. The sensations becoming stronger, his brain seemed to be reviving.

Blackbear’s Hot Girl Bummer burst into his ears. Suddenly, the world around him seemed to be totally out of sync with him. He almost lost his balance. Standing on the wall, clinging to people, Eddie laughed. The world revolved around him and he danced on the music that filled his brain.

All you need to know is that there are several versions of what happened tonight. It all depends on who tells you the story and... I’m not necessarily the most reliable narrator for this evening. But what I can assure you is that Bowers screwed up.

Bowers had been drinking since before with the party. He spent the night looking for Beverly and she wasn’t that hard to find she was in the Uris pool. Even wet, she was still the most beautiful girl of the party. She made a fairly simple make up. You’d think she had nothing if you didn’t know the basics of makeup. She was having fun with Betty and Audra Phillips, Bill’s ex, by doing a water fight and singing along on to Russ’s Do It Myself. And who knows why, Bowers as the fragile man that he is, wanted to break the moment.

"Slut!" he shouted as he reached the terrace.

He pointed to Beverly who turned to him.

"Yes ?" she replied, with a great deal of irony, a smile on her lips.

Everyone laughed and scolded Beverly's name. Bowers turned speechless. Beverly's smile widens.

"Well then, 2 minutes 30 lost his big mouth?" she said, coming out of the water and facing Bowers. "That is what I thought."

Everyone was watching the confrontation carefully. The first one since Beverly dumped Bowers and announced that it was all just a bet between her and Stan.

"Shut the fuck up, you only suck anyway."

"How could you know that since I would never suck you Henry Bowers? Now, please stop humiliating yourself in public. Go back to Greta Keene and forget about me, okay."

Bowers wanted to fight back but Beverly pushed him into the water and Georgie grabbed his leg to make it easier for him to fall. Everyone shouted and laughed. Stanley stood up and turned away from Mike, Bill and Eddie and apologized to see what was going on with Beverly.

"Really ?" He asked.

"You'll pay me Losers." he said as he stepped out of the pool and back inside.

Losers: 1. Bowers: 0. The school year is starting well.

Bill and Mike were laughing and Eddie smiled at Beverly.

It was at that moment that they concluded. The funny thing is that Bill, when he's alcoholic, totally loses his stuttering. So it was amazing to hear him speak clearly to Mike, especially when it was a rim job. I would have preferred not to be here to hear that. But I'm sure I heard a "I love you Mikey" so finally it was worth it.

"Everything's okay, bro?" asked Mike, noticing his presence again.

"Yeah.. Yeah, that’s fine... Glad to see you two are okay." he said, smiling and watching Bill blush.

At the same time, there was another one for whom things were going well. Ben Hanscom. Ben was playing truth or dare in one of the upstairs rooms with several of the Cheerios like Myra Stonehart or some of the guys from our class. Normally, truth or dare was the game we used to play when we were playing between us only, but here, it turned into a conversation about sex. And Ben Hanscom wasn’t a pro on the subject.

"What are you really virgin?" asked one of the guys in the discussion. "And do not say that a pipe, that counts."

"It counts." retorted Myra.

"You know nothing about it Myra. You're the one who wants to fuck Eddie Kaspbrak while everyone knows he's gay and clearly not interested."

Myra looked up at the skies with a grin.

"Who are you saving yourself for, man?" asked another one of the guys.

Beverly Marsh.

"No one. I’m just waiting for the right moment." Ben replied.

"Like, now’s not a good time?" asked another cheerleader. "If, I asked you to sleep with me tonight, what would you say?"

Ben blinked several times at Anna’s question and remained speechless.

Of course, Ben is an eternal romantic. He writes rose water's poems, appreciates courteous love stories and is much stronger when it comes to putting his thoughts on paper than saying it out loud. But, Ben Hanscom was definitely not a coward. He was just a virgin in a society where we wanted boys to breathe and eat porn all day long.

Anna leaned back to Ben.

"You’re super cute, Ben. You used to be before you started working out. In 5 years you’ll be a sex bomb and I want my cut now." she said in a rather serious tone.

The whole room was breathless, Anna was one of the sexiest girls in high school. Ben nodded softly and Anna smiled.

"Everybody clear this room now!"

---

While Ben surely lived what would be one of the most memorable evenings of his life. Richie Tozier had arrived at the party, and I was sprawled on that couch by the pool watching Mike and Bill be in love. Shit, I want what they have. At the same time, Beverly was playing in the pool with Audra and Betty, but you already know the rest.

"By the way, Eddie, you owe me 120 bucks." Mike said looking at his friend.

"Yeah, but I thought our friendship and the fact that I'm alive made up for that." Eddie replied.

"If you say so." Bill replied.

Stan came to join them.

"Frankly, Eddie, I missed you, we missed you all, it was not the same this summer without you, your drug stories make me feel bad."

"Aw Stan, don’t be sentimental."

"No, that’s not it. I love you, man, but... you really scared us." he said, taking a break before turning to Eddie.

Mike and Bill nodded in agreement with Stan.

"We thought you were dead. And seriously, Eddie, I’ve seen a lot of people die, but I would never agree to see you die for that. I’ve seen a lot of people die, but not people like you." Mike added. "I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your brain, but I can tell you one thing, drugs and getting high is not your solution."

A blank settled in between these four. He was not unpleasant, on the contrary. It was peaceful. They watched Beverly and Bowers fight.

"There’s one thing I remember... it happened when I was nine years old, shortly after my father was diagnosed. We were told that he was going to get better, I mean, that he had a chance of getting better. So, we celebrated it, we went to New York, seven hours back and forth. One of the best moments of my life. I told my dad that when I grew up, I would go to New York and live there."

Eddie’s voice started shaking and Stan gently shook his hand.

"Then we came home and I remember... that night, I slept with my parents and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. As if there was no oxygen in the world. My parents called the ambulance thinking I had a violent asthma attack. At the hospital, they gave me opium. Liquid. To calm me down and... then I thought, 'Okay, so that’s what I need'. Not mom’s medicine. That. Because all of a sudden, it was as if everything had become simpler. The noise, the voices in my head, everything was gone. Everything. Being in my head wasn’t a problem anymore. Four years later, he passed away and the asthma attacks that were actually anxiety and panic attacks continued. But that’s okay. I found a way to survive. I have you, guys. I have my psychiatrist. My medecine. Maybe it will kill me..."

Stan kissed Eddie's hand in support then got up and went to see the mess with Bev.

"Hey! Don’t say that!" yelled Bill slowly to Eddie before giving him a pat on his head.

"Touch me again in that ugly mustard buffalo shirt and I’ll kill you, Big Bill." Eddie laughed.

The three friends focused on the story of Bev and Bowers. Then Eddie stood up to give his best friends more privacy. Bowers had stormed into Stan’s apartment in the kitchen to get drunk. Blur’s Girls and Boys was in full swing throughout the house and the first thing Bowers did was not to drink, but to sweep a few bottles here and there with the back of his arm. Eddie and Stan followed Bowers wanting to throw him out of the party and Beverly Marsh had left the pool to annoy Mike and Bill that she had dragged inside after getting dressed.

"Get out of the kitchen!" screamed Bowers scaring everyone. " Get the fuck out."

The people around him backed back carefully to avoid getting a piece of glass, while watching Bowers lose it. Richie dug himself into a corner of the kitchen staring at Bowers totally destabilized by his behavior. Eddie, Stan, Mike, Bill and Bev entered the crowd.

"What's your fucking problem?" he said looking at Richie.

Richie looked at the sides and then looked at Bowers, he didn’t know what to say.

"Why are you here?" he says, moving forward and sticking to him. "Huh? You can't speak ? Aren't you Trashmouth Tozier for nothing?"

At the Trashmouth name agreement, Eddie’s attention got bigger. Shit, what is Richie doing here ?

"Can I know who invited you? You don’t even have any friends here. Everyone forgot you."

"Listen, uh. I don’t want any trouble, I just want to spend a chill night in my corner." Richie said, looking him in the eye.

He didn’t even blink.

"People like you are not here to stay in their corners. You are a problem here, you see, nobody answers. Nobody!" he shouted at Richie.

Richie grabbed the first kitchen knife and pointed it at Bowers, who backed away.

"You think you scare me? You think you scare me, Bowers? You know what we do to sons of cops like you in California?" yelled Richie in turn as he moved towards Bowers. "Back the fuck up!"

"I was fucking kidding. I was fucking kidding !"

"I’m not afraid of you, Bowers."

"W-put the knife down, okay? Put it down! I was laughing."

"You want to hurt me? You have no idea who I am." Richie yelled when he put the knife down.

At the same time he cut his hand without intentionally doing with one of the glass pieces of broken bottles. The spectators cried out in complete shock at this spectacle.

"You see. I absolutely don’t feel pain."

"Are you fucking crazy or something, Loser !?" added Bowers.

Bowers stood in his trembling corner, everyone watching the scene between confusion, admiration, shock and total chaos.

"No, I’m Richie Tozier. And it’s good to be home. Great party tho, Stan the man !" he said while smiling before leaving the room.

Oh yeah... fuck me.

Eddie quietly left his friends after that.

Ben came back down the stairs and saw Richie leave the party in fury.

"What did I miss?" Ben asked Mike.

"Where were you, man? You missed the craziest thing ever !" Mike asked Ben.

"I took care of my business."

Mike stares at Ben not fully understanding what Ben meant.

"I’ve lost my virginity."

"What? With whom?" asked Mike.

"Anna Addams."

"Wow. The Anna Addams?" he said with a smile. Ben confirmed by nodding his head, then Mike took him in his arms. "Well! Congratulations! How was it?"

"You should ask her."

Mike laughed and joined Stan in the kitchen. Stan gave Bowers a broom, cleaning supplies and a shovel.

"Clean up, or I’m going to get Richie." Stan said with a black look and a cold, stern voice.

Bowers took them and resigned himself. He glanced at Mike, Mike supported him, and Bowers resigned himself.

"I will stay in case you botch the job. Oh, after that, you and your friends will leave the party. Thank you." added Stan who was joined by Patricia, his girlfriend.

---

Eddie came out of the Uris house looking for Richie Tozier. He found him quite quickly getting his bike back.

"Hm... is everything all right?" Eddie asked while watching Richie.

Oh my God.

"Uh, yeah, it's good, don’t worry, m... Eddie Spaghetti?"

Richie smiled and blinked several times before moistening his lips. His smile came back, but this time in a corner one. He watched Eddie attentively, capturing every detail of his face. His hair was slightly unscrewed, his mascara had dripped a little and mixed with the glitter on his eyes. His pink lips, his freckles, his smile. Richie hugged him.

Wow. I think I’m getting hard.

"Yes yes, it’s m... Hey, don’t call me that!"

"You look good. It just smelled like trouble in here."

Eddie opened his eyes and began to blush slightly.

"Thank you, you’re not bad either... Yes! Yes, I understand your action. It’s just what you did... It was deadly classy."

The two stared at each other for a moment. Richie noticed the necklace on Eddie’s red balloon pendant.

"You still have it! That’s so cool."

"Oh the necklace? Yes! I’m not leaving it. You too, from what I see! You... you’re going somewhere?"

"At my place." Richie replied.

"I.. Can I come?"

"Yeah, of course! But your mother ? How is she since the last time I fucked her ?" Richie asked while mocking Eddie.

"Fuck my mother."

Yeah, fuck my mom. I found back the only boy I’ve ever loved in my entire life, looking like a fucking greek god and I still have to think about my mom ? Not today, Ma, not today.

The two took the road on Richie’s bike. Bowie’s Heroes passed on Eddie’s little JBL bluetooth speaker. Then, Richie suggested him to put Eddy de Preto's Fête de Trop. He was thrilled, clinging to Richie’s waist and resting his head on his back. He had strangely waited for this moment all week. It may not have happened the way he hoped, but Eddie was appeased.

Once they entered the Tozier house, they both went up to Richie’s room. Not much had changed compared to before, it was perhaps closer and more harmonious. Richie undressed and changed into pajamas, Eddie did his best not to look and Richie laughed at him. He gave her one of his sweaters that turned out to be too big for him, but anyway, he loved it and Richie loved seeing Eddie like that. He was just so...

"Cute. You’re so cute, Eds!"

"Stop it, won't you ?!"

Eddie rushed to clean Richie’s wound and apply a bandage with his first aid kit. Richie teased him by calling him Doctor K. and it was like Richie never left Derry. Richie had always been there somewhere and Eddie had seen him become a young man. Once the wound was cleaned and dressed. They took off their makeup and then the two men went face to face in Richie’s bed. They didn’t really need to talk to each other to say all the things they had on their hearts. They both laughed and Eddie snuggled in Richie’s arms. Nothing has changed. They still liked sleeping together. They still loved each other.

Mike, Bill and Georgie went home to the Denbroughs, Georgie fell asleep in the car, but Bill took him to his room quietly and then brought Mike in, then in his room where for the first time they spent the night talking when they were only the two of them.

Bev had gone home in the early morning and managed to miraculously avoid her father. She took off her makeup and changed her clothes at Stan’s after helping her clean everything up.

Ben had slept at Stan’s with Anna and had also cleaned everything with Betty, Patricia, Myra and others who had planned a sleepover at his house.

Bowers didn’t go home after cleaning up Stan’s kitchen, he went to Hockstetter’s to get drunk until the morning. Humiliated, uprooted, and completely high. He was severely taken back by his father and mother but especially by his father and went to his bedroom having already found his future victim for the year.

The next day, Richie and Eddie woke up early. Richie stopped by to brush his teeth and wash himself because Eddie forced him to do it and then Eddie did the same. Once back in Richie’s room, Eddie stared at him as he sat on his bed.

"I have an idea." he said softly.

"What?" Richie asked while stroking his hair softly.

"Wanna get high?"

#reddie #reddie fanfic #it (2017)#it (2019)#au: modern setting #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #stanley uris #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #euphoria hbo

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iventurely-blog · 4 years ago

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Market Sizing. All you need to know.

Some might argue that market size has to be the first thing that you should get your arms around. The rationale behind this statement is that it’s fairly easy to dig up this information as it is almost always available for public access and all you need is google it or use databases. If the market seems too small, do not linger to drop an idea outright especially if you are after VC’s money as market will definitely be one of the most critical points they might be drilling you on.

There are multiple viewpoints on how to think about the market. YC (Y Combinator) in its lectures determined that for the idea to be venture fundable the market should grow at least 10-20% annually and have at least 1 mil potential users. It might not be the case though if you are sweating on B2B (business to business) idea. Alex Jarvis (expert in a startup world) in turn articulated in his blog:

“For grand plans, the market needs to be a billion minimum.”

Indeed, they are pretty much aligned in their thoughts. They just put it in a different way.Assume you are going to operate on $10 mil market and capture even 50% of it, you’ll still get very low and probably not enticing number for VCs to bother. In Alex’s words:

“Your market size sets a ceiling for your business idea.”

VC’s PERSPECTIVE

However, none of this is helpful unless you understand the perspective of the venture funds. Hands down the best explanation I've seen so far was in Alex's blog. I’ll summarize it briefly here for the story to roll out smoothly but if you are interested in the subject, I strongly encourage you to hit the link and read the whole thing.

VC usually get excited when it sees that the value which it can return is somewhat commensurate to the total size of the fund (i.e. 1Bn fund will be looking for the companies that might potentially grow up to 1Bn in value). Considering they usually secure 20% equity for their investment and return 10x invested capital, you should expect that they would want your startup to grow 50 (10x / 0.2) times the capital raised.

I’ll throw in a simple example to help you get your arms around the seemingly intricate logic. Let’s say the fund’s size is $100 mil (average) and fund's investment totalled $10 mil after several rounds. VC will be looking to return $100 mil and expect your company to grow up to at least $500 mil in value (10 mil x 50). If you are in SaaS business, it will be an equivalent of around $50 mil in ARR (annual recurring revenue) as value of such company will approximate 10 revenues. Make up some numbers and take a crack at it yourself.

MARKET DYNAMICS

You might argue that the market that you are seems small as of now, but what if it has a positive TREND? Does it matter how the market might look like in 5 years or so? Or how is it changing? More so, one might say, what if the market is big (more than $1Bn), but it does not demonstrate any growth in the day and age; that could be for unsurmountable barriers or lack of interest to enter (low margins per se). Does it still look good for a potential investor?

Ripple Ventures suggests that founders think of the trends as the only ally to help investors to get over the seemingly small market. And trend might mean either the market will sky-rocket in the upcoming 5 years or your startup will capture most of it. For instance, take ride-hailing services. Before this innovative solution paved its way to the market, demand for taxis was much lower due to both higher prices and the tedious process of arranging one. After Uber, Lyft and other companies started the ball rolling and disrupted the market, brought demand to a different level. You might be curious how did those companies helped investors to envision these coming? This appears to be a big challenge. At an early stage, investors are predominantly gravitating towards the projects that are demonstrating, how YC would call it, “founder’s magic” meaning that theirs is something special around the people on a team.

However, when it comes to trends another thing blows up at our faces and this thing is TIMING. One might ask, how timing is different from the trend? The answer is that timing should be deemed as a specific spot on the trend line. You want to get to the market at the right time when it will yield you the best slope so that not everyone yet realized that the curve is getting steeper and at the same time you won’t have to educate your customers in case you’ll start raiding the wave too early.When pitching the market make sure that besides the magnitude, trends and timing you demonstrate and understanding of:

o Your customers / users and who are they;o The status quo and how much it costs for the current users;o How much the problem costs to your potential customers and if it’s a vitamin or painkiller problem type;o Your customer’s budget and indicate if it’s going to change;o The buying process.

This all factors are illustrative of how good are the conditions of the market to enter right now and what edge you might potentially have on it.

MAKE SURE YOU ARE ESTIMATING YOUR MARKET

Compelling pitch deck starts with a market. Bad one with the wrong market. The most frequent mistake founders make is estimating any other market but the one they will actually be part of. It is crucial to have a thorough understanding of YOUR market. Many startups have a delusional idea about what market they will be playing at and thus demonstrate to investors their incompetence, enticing them to say “No” without hesitation. One silly example of estimating a wrong market. Assume you’re planning on opening a grocery store and in a pitch deck you indicated whole grocery retail market. Although it might look compelling at a first glance, 70% of it is being occupied by national retail chains and to claim another 30% you’ll most likely have to build another chain. Building a retail chain is however a different exercise and has nothing to do with opening a small grocery store in your neighbourhood and will demand other competence and skills. Another example. Imagine you decided to open a small farm to grow produce in your barn and one small nearby store decided to buy a small amount to test if their customers would like it. They located it beside other produce on the shelf and put a sticker “Super Eco Produce” You were so excited with first sales so that you rushed to your laptop and updated the market slide with the chart of wholesale produce market in Canada. Hold on for moment… Did you start to squeeze out current players on this market? Are you actually competing with all other suppliers of produce? I don’t think so.Remember! The size of the market that you target is in fact the size of the largest competitor who you want to force out of it. In this case be open minded, don’t deem of your competitors as only direct who produce adjacent product or render similar services. Every new product (iPhone) will gratify all the same demand (smartphones) squeezing out feature phones from the market. You may also think of your competitor as a “status quo” in case you are the pioneer. Think how people are currently solving the problem and you might run into your market eventually. Always remember, if you do not force anyone out, you most likely don’t have a target market. Non-existent target market has no size to it. In fact, you can talk about the target market only after your first sales. However, NOT any sales! But the ones that would trespass the territory of some other player that is already operating on this market. All the rest are your fantasies and imagination!Another thing to figure out is if you’ll be part of already established market or you are planning on creating a new one. The former is fairly easy to define, and you only have to research online for some yet available reports. The latter in turn is not that obvious and you better try to figure out the best alternative for your solution – what is the status quo (current way of doing things) and how much people are paying for it?

HOW TO ESTIMATE

When it comes to estimating the market, I oftentimes run into the following buzz words: TAM (total addressable market), SAM (serviceable addressable market), SOM (serviceable obtainable market).

o TAM - total market demand for a product or service

o SAM - the segment of the TAM targeted by your products and services which is within your geographical reach

o SOM - the portion of SAM that you can capture

At a first glance it’s a fairly simple but at the same time convoluted approach, as no one knows for sure how to define TAM and SAM. And believe me, the last thing investors want is for you to bog down in confusing explanations and make them strain their brains. Especially if you could have avoided this. Try to not annoy crap out of them with such minor things.I’d recommend that you provide straight forward names for whatever you estimated instead and not get into the weeds of the concept. Leave all these notions to academic world. However, to help you familiarize yourself with a concept and wrap your head around the idea I’ll bring a fairly dumb and simple example. Imagine you’re launching new smartphone in Canada with a plan to expand to US. You can easily google global market. That will be your TAM. Then, you’d want to look up for North American market to account for geography and hence estimate SAM. The last step will be to estimate the chunk of the pie that you can potentially eat away from your competitors. The tricky part I alluded to before is what should be defined as SAM here. Is it a Canadian market or North American? From where I stand you can throw in whatever one you deem is more relevant and compelling. The bottom line here is as following. Do not let your audience strain their brains to much over this irrelevant jargon.For what it’s worth, investors tend to take these calculations with a grain of salt as most of the founders are unable to explain how exactly they arrived to the market share number (SOM) that they threw on the slide. As you may imagine from founder’s perspective it should be taken for granted and thus is very rarely well-thought through. However, with clear go-to-market strategy and well-articulated thesis as to why founder thinks he or she can capture a particular portion of the market, investor’s concerns might dissipate. I’ve never ever encounter one in my life though. If you have, would be grateful for sharing one with me.Unfortunately, there is no way to escape throwing in a bunch of assumptions when going throw the calculations and everyone is well aware of this in startup world. However, you’ll be held accountable for most of them, so be prepared with your rationale.In fact, there are only two approaches (that I’m aware of) to get a grasp of your market:o Top-downo Bottoms-upLet’s go over each of them in more details.

Top down

Your initial steps here will be to:1) Figure out you TAM by looking up the number in yet available researches2) Dissect it to what’s relevant for your projectI’ll steal an example from Ripple X Fellowship materials, since I believe it is both simple and illustrative and hence why would I bust my ass…Let’s say you’re building a tomato delivery business in the United States.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics publishes an annual Consumer Expenditure Survey (CES) which tells us that the average household spends $751 on fruits and vegetables every year, for a total of $94.4B spend every year in the US.

About 30% of the population (according to the CES) lives in large cities so we’ll assume only 30% of those sales can be served. That reduces our estimate to $28.3B.

Also, not all of the fruits and vegetables that are purchased are tomatoes! According to the USDA, only 5% are tomatoes (which are legally classified as a vegetable in the US). That reduces our estimate to $1.4B.

Of course, not everyone will order their tomatoes on demand! Supermarkets will always have some market share, so we will assume that 20% of households would order their tomatoes on demand if offered. This brings us to $140M.

Finally, our business model assumes consumers will buy more tomatoes when they are delivered straight to your door! Our expectation is to grow tomato consumption by 10%. This increases our estimate to $154M.

Bottoms-up

This approach is different as you have to pid down potential number of users and only after to work your way up.

Start with the number of end-users that will want your product.

Figure out how often they will want your product (monthly SaaS fee, or they will buy something from you two times a week).

Take your pricing structure and find the product of all the variables above.

I’ll steal yet another example from Ripple X Fellowship program materials, which are by the way publicly accessible, to illustrate how this approach would look like in already familiar aforementioned context.

How many consumers can we reach? Based on the effectiveness of commercials, billboards and other channels our head of marketing thinks we can reach about 35,000 households in our hometown of Oakland, CA.

Let’s say the price of tomatoes which are around $1 for a large tomato in the area. Local customer survey tells us that consumers buy 3 tomatoes when they go to the market once a week. That means the average consumer would buy $150 of tomatoes per year. That brings our estimate to $5.3M.

Finally, we will assume that we can expand into the top 30 cities based on our operating plan and available capital. That gives us an audience of 1.1M households or a total of $156M.

Remember one thing, you can either eat at already established market or solve for some inefficiencies of and challenge the status quo solution. To estimate the former, you can feel free to use both top-down and bottoms-up approach. However, to illustrate the latter, you can use only bottoms-up as there is no established market as we got used to think of it. Your market will rather represent the amount of costs that all your potential customers/users are incurring as of now sticking to the status quo solution.

CONCLUSION

Sure thing, you need to know your market but do not linger! Look up yet available researchers and databases (Statista, IBIS, etc.). It should be fairly simple, though sometimes tedious. I bet somebody have already done all heavy lifting for you. You just have to figure out where to find it. After you found it, start with bottoms-up analysis. Think of it along the following lines. There’s probably 100K people that might buy this. At $10 a month that’s $1.2 mil in ARR at 10% market share. That will leave you with max exit value of $12 mil (10x revenue). To figure if it’s a good or bad number, scroll up to look at it from investor’s perspective. Most certainly if you hope to trigger investors interest towards your idea, you’d probably want to demonstrate that there is a certain trend working its way up that will make the market grow 20-fold in five years or so and how you’re tapping into it. Don’t forget to locate a spot on a trend’s curve (where the industry is right now) to illustrate that the timing is the best to start working on this idea at this very moment. Remember!!! You want to show that you’re in a perfect storm (Ripple Venture’s term). When using top-down approach try to be as specific as possible with the numbers you pick. At the same time don’t think just 1% of the market. As big VCs would say, um, why not 30%? It’s ok to think expansively when evaluating your idea, you just need to have a thesis as to why you think you can own the market.

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