#weasel is a little piggy

[senseiwu]

MISAKO IS SO PATIENT

She waits until I finish pouring out her food before starting to eat

What a patient baby

I'm used to feeding Wallace. Man just sticks his head in the bowl as soon as one morsel touches it. I used to have to hold him back so dry food wouldn't go everywhere, and so wet food wouldn't get all over his face

[what-have-i-unleashed]

a happy life

1500 words of fic i wrote in one sitting because i'm feeling silly (and i'm procrastinating on my wips damn). about something new chara and killer. inspired by that scene in csm iykyk :3

(warning: angst, non-graphic violence, minor character death, abusive relationship)

for @howlsofbloodhounds because you've been on a roll with chara and killer lately lol. this is partly your fault.

How long has it been? Fifty? Seventy? Or maybe even two hundred Resets? And Chara still isn’t done with this world yet, it seems. This timeline, they want to see how the goat monster would react knowing her human child is still alive, then they would break her heart later on as some kind of sick justice. And so, Chara has been staying in the Ruins for weeks, leaving him directionless in the snow.

Flowey is nowhere to be found. Maybe that little weasel of a creature has caught up to something (not that it will matter anyway), or maybe Chara has dealt with him. It’s hard to know, not with how difficult thinking is lately. It’s like moving against the raging currents, every wave only making him more disoriented than the last.

Sans- no, Killer has been waiting for them in front of the door to the Ruins ever since the last Reset. There have been a few close calls where some monsters spotted him. But he remembers Chara’s words and stays away from them. The sentry dogs would chase him down and play with his bones mercilessly. The kid monsters would throw snowballs with rocks hidden inside at him. The other town residents would close their doors on him, leaving him freezing in the cold. Nothing good to come from them.

(“The world is a cruel place, Sansy,” Chara tells him as they rake their fingers through his broken bones. “They wouldn’t understand creatures like us – so far above monsters and humans it’s hilarious to know how close-minded the rest can be.”

The dead human child wraps their arms around his torso, snuggling their face into his oversize jacket. Their body is cold. They laugh, a broken melody. “I’m so glad I have you. I don’t need anyone else.” Their hug turns constricting, like a snake catching its prey. “You don’t need anyone else.”)

He must have dozed off from exhaustion because the next thing he knows is that very familiar rosy-cheeked face looking down at him with mirth.

“Killz, have you been waiting for me?” They smile beatifically, patting his head. “What a good friend you are.”

Killer turns to answer, but he feels numb all over. His body is heavy, and the warmth he could feel from his meager clothing is barely any at all. He can only manage to nod his head weakly. Chara laughs.

“Look at all that snow! How long have you been sitting by that door, you silly skeleton?”

They grab his arms and pull him up into a crushing hug again. If Killer was not already freezing, he would turn into a rock by how stiff his shoulders are. He forces his body to relax, to absorb every bit of warmth he can have from Chara.

“I miss you,” they murmur into his ribs, a soft cooing sound. They both stay like that for a few minutes before Killer can feel his legs working again.

Once he can stand and not trip over his feet like a clumsy Whimsun, Chara takes his hand and drags him forward to the town.

“I have a new game this time,” they cheer. “This time, let’s have you handle the EXP alone, okay?”

Killer can do nothing but nod. When Chara orders him to kill the dog couple, he does it. When they gesture him to attack the big guard dog, he complies. When they click their tongue at the jokes the feathered kid monster makes, he moves to silence them.

When the dust accumulates on the knife that Chara has gifted him, Killer feels more grounded than ever. The monsters are nothing compared to his friend – all their words and screams and pleads are white noise to his ears. Chara demands a piggy-back from him, and he drops to his knees without question. They trudge slowly forward to the deadly silent town, with Chara wrapping their arms tightly around Killer’s neck, their weight an oppressive force.

“Looks like everyone has been evacuated early, don’t you think?” Chara hums. “Oh, you can let me down now. I’m not tired anymore.”

Killer carefully puts the child down, mindful of the drop. Chara makes a beeline to the house on the near end of the town. A very familiar house, Killer’s mind unhelpfully chimes.

And a very familiar face standing just outside the house. A lanky skeleton monster in a ridiculous battle armor, his scarf billowing in the wind.

“SANS?” the skeleton exclaims. “WHAT ARE YOU- WHERE WERE YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?”

“So, you didn’t seek anyone out,” his friend besides him says. “I know I can count on you.”

“STRANGE-LOOKING MONSTER, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS GRATEFUL FOR YOU FINDING MY BROTHER! ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE ANOTHER OF HIS FRIENDS?”

“Well yes!” Chara beams. “Sansy here is my best friend, really! We go a long way back.”

“WOWIE! BROTHER, WHY HAVEN’T YOU INTRODUCED ME TO YOUR STRANGE-LOOKING FRIEND? WE COULD HAVE BEEN BESTIES!”

“I mostly live in the Ruins. Though I bet Sans would kill to let us meet one day,” Chara turns to Killer, their smile wide, “don’t you, Sans?”

Imperative received, Killer rushes in to attack the monster. His opponent lets out a surprised yelp before throwing up an impressive shield out of bones. Undeterred, Killer starts to hack away at the construct, his determination spiralling inside his SOUL. When the barrier breaks, Killer tackles the monster to the ground. They roll in the ground, as Killer doesn’t expect his opponent to be so physically strong. In the end, he grabs the pristine white SOUL with blue magic and throws the other across the field. He summons a couple of cyan bones to pin the monster down while he crawls over him, his knife poised perfectly at the gravity-lead SOUL.

“STOP! SANS! BROTHER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” the monster exclaims, sounding as if in distress. Something in Killer’s mangled SOUL stutters, as he unconsciously lowers in his weapon. The more he looks at the other skeletal face, the louder the voices in the back of his skull are. Something’s wrong something’s wrong something-

“Disappointing. So you cannot do it.”

Sans startles upon realizing how close Chara is. They’re standing, looming over both him and the skeleton monster. The expression on their face is indescribable, but Killer senses a tingling of fear running down his back.

“C-Chara,” he struggles to speak, his voice rough after so many weeks. “I can’t- I can’t-”

“Shut up.”

Sans clenches his jaw. Chara leans down and holds his hand holding the knife. They look at him straight in the eye sockets, unblinking, as they guide him into stabbing into the monster’s SOUL. The SOUL shatters immediately. Sans holds his eye contact with Chara in nervousness, even as the skeleton monster dusts under him, the dust getting all over his shirt and jacket.

In the oppressive silence that follows, neither of them moves or breathes. Chara’s hand holding his knife-hand is still bruisingly constrictive. Finally, they release their grip on his hand, only to grasp at his SOUL instead. Sans gasped, not expecting such a broiling mix of anger from Chara’s intent.

“You can’t do it because you’re not Killer.”

Sans grabs at Chara’s arms, his fingers digging into their flesh and drawing blood. Nevertheless, Chara’s hold on his SOUL doesn’t relent. They violently and abruptly pull his SOUL out of his body, their other hand resting on the back of his neck as they let him rest his head on their laps.

“Killer… doesn’t defy me.”

They stare down at him, a look of apathy in their dark eyes.

“Killer doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t think twice before murder. Every action he makes, he does it for me.”

Squeeze. Pain. Hurt. No no no-

“He does it because he loves me. As his best friend. As his partner. As his creator.”

Their shadowed face illuminated by the red light from his SOUL.

“I don’t know why you’re still here. If you’re going to get in our way… then die.”

*

The wind howls. Chara sits in the aftermath, cradling the spinning SOUL in their hands.

The body is unmoving. There’s no sign of it getting up any time soon.

“Hey Killer…” they hold the SOUL to their eye level. “Are you there?”

The SOUL pulses. The dead child smiles.

“It’s okay. The comedian is defeated. Now you belong to me.”

Maybe they should redo this all over. This timeline is a bust. There’s nothing to show Killer here. Everything is so monotonous without him.

“We’ll be together forever, right?” Chara gently pulls the SOUL closer to their empty cold chest. “Let’s play our games together, watch silly cartoons together, and annoy Asriel together. Let’s live a happy life forever, okay?”

Only silence greets them. And yet, they feel hopeful.

[lonleydweller]

If you could, could you write a little drabble or fic of a yandere nubbins chasing his darling who's trying to escape?

🥀Run, run, run piggy!🥀

!warnings!: yandere trope, violence, murder, spoilers for tcm 1974, cannibalism mentioned, violence and injuries towards reader, sadism, failed escape attempt

Yanderes are OK to enjoy in fiction. They should stay fiction. They are not example of healthy relationships. These behaviors are NOT okay in real life. This is for entertainment purposes

-----------------------------------------------------

The hot dry air of the texas summer was suffocating as you ran. The sun's golden morning rays breaking over the vast fields of sunflowers. It would have been such a pretty sight. Oh how it could have been such a pretty sight to enjoy with your friends. Shame you'd never get that opportunity now. Your lungs burned, your head pounded, your cuts stung as you hobbled along. You weren't even that far away from the house yet, in fact, you were still close enough to where you could hear the sound of clamoring footsteps on the porch behind you.

You don't know why, but you turned your head a brief moment to see. Even when you knew who it was. You don't even haft to look for more than two seconds to recognize the lanky, greasy, feral thing of a man chasing you. Your body answers your plea of flight to the best of its ability. Pushing past the pain and hobbling just a bit faster. You can hear his voice crystal clear stammering behind you.

"H- hey! W- where do you think yer gettin t-to?"

He wasn't far behind. You can hear his footsteps quickly catching up to yours. You had learned early on, during your first few attemps of escape, that he was quick. Nimble too. Any crawl space you could squeeze yourself through, he could damn well weasel his way into too. A never ending game of hunter and prey.

You can hear his stiffled giggles and squeals of excitement even over the thunderous sound of footfall. You had pushed your luck hadn't you? So desperate for escape. So desperate to be free of the stench of rotting meat, decaying bodies, dirt, grime, blood, all of it. Foul. A home built on people's bones and skin. Never able to return to their own. Nothing more than pigs lead to slaughter.

It didn't help that they even tasted like pork too. The taste had flooded your mouth when he forced you to eat the disgusting meals his brother had prepared. Shoving the vile concoctions down your throat. One night head cheese. The next chili. The next steak. Not a single bit of animal meat present. God. Why couldn't they have just killed you too. Why couldn't you have just been turned into a stew like the rest.

Instead you have to suffer a monsters sick delusion of what he thought love was. It wasn't of course, it never would be. It was torture. Of wich you were quickly reminded of as his blade made contact with your back. Tearing through your shirt and at your skin with ease. You cry out in pain, the only sound you could muster anymore. He had gained on you so quickly, and you were only growing slower.

One, two, three, more painful cuts land on your back as he makes animalistic noises of excitement. His hands feverishly grabbing at your shirt, desperate to snacth you up once more. You're barely able to put up a fight as you desperately try to pull and writhe away with what little strength you have left.

"I gotchu! I gotchu, I gotchu, I...gocthu!"

Pure glee taints his voice. He knows he's won. You do too. Even then you still flail and struggle as he wrangles you to the ground, up until you can taste the dirt road beneath you as your face is smushed against the ground. You can can feel him shift above you, quickly followed by a sweeping pain in your legs. A familiar burning feeling as he relentlessly slashes at them. It feels like forever before he finally stops with a shakey laugh.

"T- there! You can't g- get nowhere if your legs don't work c-can ya?"

You can hear him taunt. 'Pffbt! Pffbt!', the sound of him blowing raspberries like an obnoxious child only adds insult to your many, many, injuries. It was a game to him. It all was. One he won everytime. No matter how hard you tried. You can feel his arms slink around you as he hauls you to your feet. Well partially anyways, you're more at a slouch as he starts to drag you back towards the farmhouse.

You don't bother to struggle anymore. You simply can't. You can't even walk now with the condition you're in. Still he held the cold steel of his hunting knife against your neck, just to make sure. In just a couple minutes you'd be trapped inside the house again. In worse condition than before. You hadn't even gotten that far away from the house. Even if you did, where would you go? There was nothing for miles. No help for miles. No hope for miles.

-----------------------------------------------------

[solarwynd]

didn't jungkook also have a photocard event for buying the song as well? i'm sure that helped with sales. it's a little funny because hybe is obviously not treating ngl like a fan song where as ctt was very much so treated like a fan song. jimin didn't even get a discounted price for sales.

At first I was like “there’s no way they did that.” But then I went to go check my weverse notifications and sure enough they did lmao.

I can’t really knock it cause it’s not really incentive from what I read. Like how with fan meets, they’ll require you to buy an album to even enter. It’s just a raffle to get them in general, but still all this effort and promo? They really shoulda just came out and called this thing a single like they did it for Take Two cause at least it wouldn’t have come off so fake and tacky as it has. And if Hybe or JK come out this week (if it does chart) tryna play up the “fan” aspect of it, like they didn’t just piggy back off festa and BTS sentiments to try and weasel a semi hit song for that man out of it, it’s really gon irritate me bad.

[bubblyqueer000]

APRIL FOOLS JOKE POST Mondo Owada x Me PART 3!! THE FUCKENING :0

soz I haven't been posting. I'll make an update soon C:

still tho gotta do my yearly april fools day post!!

FUCKING SHIT WIENER COCK DOODLE!! HEY DICK NOSES IT’S BUBZ CHAN AND IM MAD. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHDFNNJHBNJHBGBHNJHBGVHNHBVGBNBHHB

Okay so like last year that little cock weasel, monocumstain killed my boyfriend, mondo because he was mad he commited a hate crime and fucked me on the tables in the cafeteria, coating them in his dick cheese in the process. UGGGGHH

BUT ACTUALLY I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS REALLY PUNISHED BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE TASKED WITH SCRAPING HIS SMEGMA OFF OF EVERY SURFACE OF THE SCHOOL!!!! >:C

I was in the midst of using a metal spatula to scrape off his dried up mondo butter from under the tables when I felt a horrible pain filling my chest.

“Ow tf” I sayed

“Shut the fuck up” said Kyoto

“No you cunt, my stomach really hurts.”

“Well no shit we’re all like a million years old now and during that whole time mondo was fuckin destroying your organs.” Said toastermi

“…

…

Shit u right.” And then I felt another horrible fucking pain in my tummy!!! “AHHHHHHFHDNDNBDNDJDNDND NO YOU BITCHES IDK WHATS HAPPENING”

“maybe u need a nap c: “ Nina told me

“YOU DONUT SUCKING FUCK WAD HELP ME.” 

“DON’T WORRY YALL I GOT THIS!” Said sakura, kicking me as hard as she could in the stomach making my organs squirt out of my ass with a loud shlorp. 

“OH SHIT IN THE SINK GET HER TO THE SINK!” Shouted byakuya bc he thought it was my period and he was scared of periods and stuf. 

So yea soccer ball carried me over her shoulder into the kitchen and plopped me in the sink where I screamed and farted loudly lmfao. I really hope that no one actually gets turned on by this dear fucking god. 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” idk how birth works soz. 

So yeah I shitted out a bb. 

“What the fuck” Said everyone collectively. 

“Goo goo ga ga 😀” He goo goo ga gad

“HOW THE SHIT DID THIS HAPPEN?” 

“Because you had tons of unprotected sex with mondo.”

“Oh yeah ur right. Alright well… Idk ummm ill name u mondo after ur dad ig.”

“otay” he said bc that’s how babies talk according to fan fic writers wtf is wrong with you people??

“Acutually you can;t lol” said byakuya smartily. “Bc if u did that everytime you called him that hed think of how u fucked his dad or some shit.”

“Byakuya what the actual fuck. I don’t think you understand the absurdity of what you just said. Not only is that sexualizing my infant son, but it’s also an incredibly perverse interpretation of a healthy relationship based on love and respect, and now that he’s passed us on, it’s all the more insensitive.” I told him and everyone started clapping. I looked at the fuckin kid and thought and thought. “Wait wat was mondo’s brother’s name again?”

“Diarrhea.” Sayd makoto.

“LMAOOOOO k ur names diarrhea.” i told the child. 

“K lol.” he said. 

“Ermmm… ERRRRMM…. ERRRMEN AOT…… ERMINEM SLIM SHABBY SLIM ANUS….. ERRRRM…” byakuya erms.

“WHAT WANT BUTT FART???” I sowed   

“well everyone knows that babies need a mommy and daddy or else thre brains wont work. so im volunteering to be ur rich and morty. fuck wait no. rich baby daddy” he explammmed rickbabydaddily 

“??? Tf no!! richie bitches suck” and then I rapped the entirety of piggy pie by icp for everyone but it was a parody that fit the situation like that one mlp web series we all watched as kids that had the parody wreck it ralph op and there was also fuckin evelyn evelyn and confrontation from jekly and hyde parodies ummmm… hold on let me google it. PRINCESS TRIXIE SPARKLE BY MAGPIE PONY.

so I took a break from writing this and taking care of my bastard son to re watch that series and then the first four seasons of mlp and then like all of rainbow dash presents fuck i miss the early days of mlp lmao    

So anyways after that I came out of my room and Daiya II was like a teenager because I was watching mlp content for like fifteen years. 

“Hewwo mwommy” he said 

“Ew why do you still talk like that? Get that shit out of here.”

“Jeez you’re such a bitch.” He told me.

“:0??? >:0! Go to ur room you little shit!” 

“NO mom! >:0! YOU go to YOUR room!”

“Wait what.” and then my own son stabbed me. “Ow bitch u stabbed me in the tit.” 

“Yea but it’s dedly bc ur like 47893845748398.”

“...”

“...”

“SHIT” so yeah I fuckin died. 

“You… cunt.” I said and stoped living. 

When I woke up I was in hell. And who else was there???

Ur MOM! (sorry if ur mom is actually ded or somethin rip)

BUT ALSO MONDO AND DAIYA OWADA (the first one not my son)???? :0

“Hey cootie ;0” said doodie owada

“MONDO!” I cried running over to him.

“Am I a joke to you?” Daiya asked bc i ignored his dumb ass

“Wassup bbygrl C:” Mondo asked. 

“I missed you so much.” I told him. 

“Awww”

…

…

…

…

… 

“Kay let’s fuck already.” 

“K.” 

Our clothes all burned off bc my homophobic relatives tell me that I hell is hot. Then they bent me over. I suckked daiyas dick and took mondos in my ass. 

“Glucglucglucglucglucgluc” i said suckn dick. 

“Coom” and then I fake my organism. 

Soooo yeah were done and were just chillin wit angel hazbin hotel bc it’s hell. BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT DAIYA II WAS THERE BC HE WAS EXECUTED LMFAO

Anyways happy april fools day seeya next year :3

[thelustybraavosimaid]

Needleheart Winter 2022: Protecting the Weak

JON

Thorne smiled. "The Bastard wishes to defend his lady love, so we shall make an exercise of it. Rat, Pimple, help our Stone Head here." Rast and Albett moved to join Halder. "Three of you ought to be sufficient to make Lady Piggy squeal. All you need do is get past the Bastard."

"Stay behind me," Jon said to the fat boy. Ser Alliser had often sent two foes against him, but never three. He knew he would likely go to sleep bruised and bloody tonight. He braced himself for the assault.

--

"Go inside the tent and stay with Dalla. It's not safe out here." It wouldn't be a great deal safer inside, but she didn't need to hear that.

"I need to find the midwife," Val said.

"You're the midwife. I'll stay here until Mance comes back." [...] A few of them gave Jon dark looks but Longclaw was in his hand, and no one troubled him. (Jon X, ASoS)

--

"I know what I swore." Jon said the words. "I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. Were those the same words you said when you took your vows?"

"They were. As the lord commander knows."

"Are you certain that I have not forgotten some? The ones about the king and his laws, and how we must defend every foot of his land and cling to each ruined castle? How does that part go?" Jon waited for an answer. None came. "I am the shield that guards the realms of men. Those are the words. So tell me, my lord—what are these wildlings, if not men?" (Jon XI, ADwD)

ARYA

Sansa slid off her mare, but she was too slow. Arya swung with both hands. There was a loud crack as the wood split against the back of the prince's head, and then everything happened at once before Sansa's horrified eyes. Joffrey staggered and whirled around, roaring curses. Mycah ran for the trees as fast as his legs would take him. Arya swung at the prince again, but this time Joffrey caught the blow on Lion's Tooth and sent her broken stick flying from her hands. (Sansa I, AGoT)

--

"I'm sick of carrying him, and I'm sick of all his talk about yielding too. If he could stand up, I'd knock his teeth in. Lommy's no use to anyone. That crying girl's no use either."

"You leave Weasel alone, she's just scared and hungry is all." Arya glanced back, but the girl was not following for once. Hot Pie must have grabbed her, like Gendry had told him. (Arya V, ACoK)

--

"He has no coin," mocked the fair-haired bravo. His dark-haired friend grinned and said something in Braavosi. "My friend Terro is chilly. Be our good fat friend and give him your cloak."

"Don't do that either," said the barrow girl, "or else they'll ask for your boots next, and before long you'll be naked."

"Little cats who howl too loud get drowned in the canals," warned the fair-haired bravo.

"Not if they have claws." And suddenly there was a knife in the girl's left hand, a blade as skinny as she was. The one called Terro said something to his fair-haired friend and the two of them moved off, chuckling at one another.

"Thank you," Sam told the girl when they were gone. (Samwell III, AFfC)

[probably-a-plant-thing]

Pent up

A/N: ya boi tried writing a little again. Just a little bit of what Skulk was up to during @bluecoolr 's writing here. Which wasn't much but fuckinnnn I wanna dive into his little brain for a bit, so indulge me a second, ok? Ok. lez go

Word Count: 1273

He had heard the commotion from the restroom and dipped out the window, now currently sitting hidden in the brush. Skulk watched with shaking breath as Darrell and Damon were put into the patrol cars, holding his mask tightly over his face as he tried to calm the rage building up inside him. He was such an idiot, he had the chance to kill these pigs before his lovers even thought about returning to him and he missed it. Every time he shows restraint he’s always punished, he’d been good for his boys while they were gone and this was his reward? 

You’d think I’d learn.

Skulk grumbled curses under his mask as he watched the bastards drive off, even in a moment like this he couldn’t act. Hopefully, they’d understand but out of the three of them, the guy that looked the way he did wouldn’t help the case even if for once it actually wasn’t his fault. 

What now? Skulk thought to himself when he finally stood from the bushes, removing his mask so he could properly breathe again as he started the tireless trek back to his hotel room, his frustration successfully buried for another time. What should he do then? Just wait for his lovers to leave the holding cells? He had no doubt they’d get out of police custody in no time, but a small part of him wanted to fall back on the one thing he always did. 

Call up mom. It could fix so much so quickly, he’d just have to call her up and give a short sob story. Then everyone would forget those damned teens, everyone would forget those piggy bastards, and he could just enjoy his lovers and finally enjoy a normal life. 

The idea was so tempting, he hadn’t even noticed the tight grip he’d had on the phone in his pocket. His knuckles were white under his gloves when he finally snapped himself out of it. It was too easy, Skulk figured, he wouldn’t learn anything. Though, he’d never asked her to cover for others before. Is that any different? 

“Dammit man, you cut yourself off for a reason!” Skulk sighed softly in annoyance as he let go of the phone, holding his hands together instead to try and avoid the temptation further. 

Finally making it back to his hotel room, he lay sprawled on the bed staring at his text messages to his darling Blueboy. At least he got to cop a feel of that handsome man’s tits before he got arrested.

The things he was gonna do when he got his hands on those two again would make ol’ Bright Eyes blush, even if it meant getting some pig's blood on him in the process.

He could be like a less traumatized Carrie, he thought, causing himself to laugh at the imagery before finally setting his phone down. 

Skulk was certain Cherrybomb or Blue would shoot him a text when they weaseled their way out of trouble. They presented themselves as pretty good people, well Darrell did at least.

Skulk stared at the ceiling for a long while, allowing his mind to wander the longer he sat in patient silence for what felt like hours, giving an annoyed groan and rubbing his eyes as he thought about what was almost a perfect morning. 

His favorite boys were home! He wasn’t abandoned! Hooray!

Skulk could still hear the echo of his past thoughts when he had shown up at Red’s cabin, originally it was to start chipping away at that man’s closet as well. Mostly because he’d stolen anything that wasn’t easily damaged from Darrell’s trailer. Seeing the bikes parked outside was the happiest he’d felt since they had left.

“But nooo, I can’t have nice things” Skulk complained to himself, grabbing his phone once again to check for anything new. As expected there was nothing. Nothing except that damned mirror selfie they’d sent him ages ago. His cheeks still flushed as he stared at it, the caption having eaten away at him because even now it mocked him. 

“Fucking degenerates.” He said softly to himself, the words holding no weight or insult but the tone still annoyed, even if he wasn’t exactly one to talk. The previous picture he’d sent to them was his own bust for the exact reason of teasing the two. Most of the time he loved it when they teased back, in fact, it drove him crazy.

But the longer he stared at the picture the harder it was to deny the burning he was starting to feel, harder still was deciding if the source was lust or wrath. Finally deciding to bite the bullet and show he cared, he typed up a simple;

Are you two alright? :[

Hoping for a quick reply but knowing how long interrogations could last. Though he was determined to stay good for them. Skulk could handle burning for just a while longer until he could see them again. Just a couple more hours, right? Skulk hummed softly, glancing at the mask he’d set on the TV stand, it stared back with it’s familiar mildly surprised expression. 

“Yeah, I’m bored too. But I want the go ahead from Darrell or Red before killing those cops, alright? Or anyone for that matter. We had enough fun with them gone.” He said softly, repositioning himself so he sat at the edge of the bed, staring equal at the mask. Times like these where he wished he still had his prescription because now he could feel eyes on him. Though he knew no one was around, the paranoia began to build the longer he stared at the mask.

“What, no words this time around? Just gonna stare at m? It’s not my fault I had one little crack on the hiking trail, not my fault at all.” 

Nothing responded, though the stares grew in intensity, causing Skulk to squirm a bit in his seat.

“Come on you have to do something. I had to do something while they were gone and who cares about some random kid. The hogs liked the younger meat. Even if there wasn’t that much.” He confessed, rubbing his eyes and cheeks to try and get the feeling off him. The simple mask sat unwavering, though something about it felt mocking now. 

“Quit it! Alright? They don’t have to know who died, just that the hogs were fed, ok? It’s not my fault that kid got lost in the woods. They’re haunted, remember? Anything could have happened… I can just say the piggies hunted him by themselves.”

Skulk reasoned, frowning back at the mask as the paranoia burned deeper and deeper in his stomach. Standing up and snatching the mask before tossing it into the bathroom, unsure and uncaring of where it landed. Finally taking a deep breath and running his hands through his messy hair. All feeling drained out as he squeezed down his temples. Crushing the bugs in his brain for just a moment.

“Alright, alright. They don’t have to know anything I don’t want them too. I’m a good boy. I am, I am.” He reasoned to himself, a sigh of relief washing over him and a faint smile returning to his lips “I’m whatever they want me to be. And right now, it’s a stupid goofball. I can manage that.” Skulk mused, hearing his phone ping from the bed and nearly tackling it in the process, seeing just what he wanted. A new message.

We should be home in a few. We’re ok, but Red is a bit fired up. See you soon, Gummy.

[nvrcmplt]

「 … weapon … 」 ─

A tree unnamed but never cut before the creation of his needs, Einri's bow holds the age of a grand tree of an unknown land. Whittled into the shape of a long bow. Twisted with the etches of geo-powered crystal ore and dipped in honey-gold, the item emits a welcoming warmth of the Earth's domain. A steady pulse rattles through the item as if alive itself and when powered with the element of Geo - the string itself illuminates, highlighting the arrow in use and duplicating its sharp stone-arrow head with a floating set of four rock projectiles, coned and spiralled.

The feathered ends of his arrows are gathered and made by his own hands.

「 … vision … 」 ─

Geo - placed into his headband with a trinket line of metals and gems curving from behind his ear. He keeps it hidden and out of his face - however, it tends to slip out when he’s in combat and rests against his neck / out of the way.

His Geo manifests in stone-arrow head clusters that duplicate in stone-spike projectiles upon powering up. Firing one arrow allows him to shoot four rock-spikes making his opponent be stabbed by five very sharp rock-arrows.

「 … build … 」 ─

Eremite Ravenbeak Halberdier

Einri is 5ft 5in.

「 … extra … 」 ─

Nothing less of a thief but as smart as a scout/tracker. His face is a jewel in itself, bewitching eyes away from sticky fingers and a small height which aids in his getaways. The kind of weasel one would expect to use someone else’s misfortune to get into wallets and a man of little promise to those he sees are piggy banks.

Einri is the most often caught in an act, to see how a city / village folk react to strangers. He is very familiar with foreign land jail cells… and he’s very good at gettin’ out of them.

「 … traveling partner … 」 ─

Beornræd

「 … nation … 」 ─

Not fixed placement due to nomadic life - he travels by foot, horse or boat with his partner.

[tmema]

I AM NOT ONLY A HATER BUT CORRECT

[coreastories]

The Thirteenth Rule

Tae-eul was given an epiphany. Twice. 

That’s why she makes a decision-- destination be damned. 

Companion to Three Hours for Chicken and Seo-ryeong vs Lady Noh

Chapter 5 of Days and Nights of Forever

April 2020: Tae-eul was a detective. Her training had taught her three hundred sixty vision, spreading her logic and hypotheses far and wide in all directions to try to predict and identify the motivations and ripples of a crime and a suspect trying not to get caught, or trying to weasel away. 

In the normal, non-criminal side of life, it meant she stopped her dad from wasting money on excess groceries, and got Eun-sup out of trouble before he even landed himself in it. She collected evidence and knew how to gather intelligence with or without informants. 

So when she was stabbed in the stomach, her detective’s brain went on a three-sixty degree identification of all threats, conscious and subconscious. 

“Is there-- Is there any way you could tell if I’m pregnant even if it’s too early?”

The doctor and nurses clutched around her in the ER looked stricken. They all stopped what they were doing. Tae-eul tried not to sob or hurl-- she didn’t know which one was making her stomach churn and her throat tight. Luna had stabbed her and that was… it was too horrifying to think of if she was...  

“How early?” the doctor asked, squeezing Tae-eul’s arm as if she knew Tae-eul needed the touch to ground her in the present. “How many days has it been since your period should have come?”

“Um, I think-- I think ten days--two weeks--” 

“All right. We’ll check.” The doctor turned to someone. “Run to the lab. Add the test to her vial. Prioritize it so we know what to do.” She turned back to Tae-eul. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you in the meantime as if you’re pregnant.” 

Tae-eul tried to stay awake, tried to wait to find out, but her detective’s brain had done its job and shut down. 

She woke up in her private room. Everything rushed back-- there was no pause, no blinking into consciousness, only instant, real fear which she didn’t even understand. Her heart rate sped up. She looked at the tube curled and attached on the back of her wrist, followed the line to the bags on the stand. What was in those bags? Was she--

“Hi Lieutenant Jeong. It’s me. I’m Dr Bong.” Tae-eul turned at the voice and recognized the kind intern or resident who had treated her in the ER. “You’re all right. Thankfully, there was no major trauma, and you avoided a laceration on your liver by two centimeters.” 

The intern paused and smiled hesitantly. “You are not-- were not-- pregnant.” 

Just like that, Tae-eul could breathe again. The doctor seemed to understand. She reached out to pat Tae-eul’s hand. “You’ll be fine. You’re on antibiotics and opioids for the pain.”

Tae-eul wiped the tears she didn’t even realize had tracked down her cheeks. “Gomapseumnida.” 

The doctor nodded, smiling. “If you’re hungry, you can eat. We’ll bring you food in a little while.”

Tae-eul thanked the doctor again and turned her head to look out the window. She tentatively felt her side-- stiff with thick bandages. There was a sore, tender feeling deep beneath the skin, nothing like the pain she’d felt when she was stabbed, but still painful even if it was currently a dull pain. 

Not pregnant. Was not pregnant. Good. That was really good. She had plans for Luna, and Tae-eul was relieved she didn’t have to kill Luna, because she would have if Luna had-- 

It would be ridiculous to-- she sighed, swallowed, and tried to stop her lips from trembling. It was ridiculous to want, to love a-- 

She didn’t even know where Gon was. 

She didn’t know where Gon was. 

That was exactly the reason the possibility of being pregnant had both terrified and comforted her. 

If she never saw him again, she wouldn’t be alone, wouldn’t really be without him, if she had a-- 

She couldn’t even mention it in her head. 

She sighed. She swiped at her eyes and appreciated that the hospital people had placed her phone within easy reach. She dialed. 

“Hyeong-nim. Where are you? I need you to find the other me. Luna. I’m fine, I’m good. Okay. Good. I’ll come.” 

Tae-eul was glad for her detective’s brain anyway. It can compartmentalize. First, get out of bed. Then, get Luna. 

And if Gon came back to her, she wasn’t letting him go. 

--------------------------------------

June 2020: 

She very vividly remembered the weekend she had called their life a melodrama. 

It was one of those May days that made you sure of summer. It wasn’t wet, and it wasn’t cold. 

That was also the first time they were sent to present-day Corea-- since the reset anyway. 

That was also the time Gon told her about Kang Shin-jae, the real Kang Shin-jae in the Republic. She’d cried. She had missed him. The Shin-jae she’d known became Kang Hyeon-min of the kingdom and she remembered and missed him.  

That May night in 2020, Gon told her that he had met Kang Shin-jae, had actually changed Shin-jae’s life by delaying his walk to that deadly curve in the street. And then Gon had later seen him, a chaebol heir with all the trimmings, bowing underlings and chauffeured luxury vehicle. So that was what his life was meant to be. She had embraced Gon in tears and was truly glad the manpasikjeok also made that right. 

“I think that’s the last time we went to the past,” Gon had said, smiling ruefully at her tears. 

“No, no, we went to 2016, too. I think that’s the last.” 

“Oh, you’re right. But that was a bust, wasn’t it? We didn’t do much. Well, we did a little.”

She’d giggled while swatting at his hand, which had burrowed under her pajama top to stroke her back earlier while she cried, and now started wandering. 

They’d arrived at the kingdom of 2016 and they had stayed in his study, with Gon distractedly signing off on the various petitions on his desk. She had protested at how careless he was being, but he showed her they were harmless, miscellaneous documents that really only needed the king’s signature, referrals and recommendations and certificates of merit. 

And then, back on that night in May 2020 while recalling their trip to 2016, Gon had stopped moving and stared at her. “I suddenly remember one of the papers I signed. Unless I’m mistaken, I think I signed Koo Seo-gyeong’s recommendation to the Interpol.” 

“Really?”  

Gon looked incredulous, amazed. “I can see it clearly in my mind’s eye now, but it didn’t register with me at the time. You were distracting. You laid down on that chaise by the fire and I wanted to get to you.” He grinned at her unimpressed expression. “Is that what we were meant to do that time? Because I usually don’t sign those documents. I just grabbed random stacks of papers from Secretary Mo’s office for something to pretend to do in the study.” 

“What do you mean you don’t sign them? So those people who need your signature usually go without?”

“We have stamps. Secretary Mo’s staff just use stamps. Those papers don’t even go to me. I’m not really needed..” 

“Ahh.” Tae-eul smiled. “Well, don’t be too full of yourself. I’m sure your signature didn’t matter much. Seo-gyeong is too cool not to get into Interpol.” 

Gon grinned. “You know what else? Kang Hyeon-min followed her there.” 

“Wow. They make a cute couple.” 

And Gon had made an unimpressed face that made her laugh and tickle him with her own hands under his pajamas.  

So that May weekend was memorable for her. It was full of revelations. 

It was also the last time she had her period. It was June now. She should have had her period over a week ago. The only time she was late, it was understandable because she’d been running on high levels of anxiety. 

Otherwise, her cycle had always run like clockwork. She’d been feeling some tenderness so she thought her period might come today. She had just come into Gon’s bathroom to check again. She looked down at her clean underwear. Nothing. 

Maybe tomorrow. 

She left the bathroom lost in thought. She didn’t register the childish chatter she could hear so she gasped when she rounded the corner and something collided with her knees. 

“Noona!” 

“Look who’s here,” Gon said belatedly. 

Tae-eul chuckled and went down on her knees so she could hug little Woo-jin at his level. He was at that age when he didn’t appreciate being scooped up any more-- except when he wanted airplane rides and piggy backs. 

“Are we kidnapping you again?” Tae-eul asked, pinching those cheeks. Woo-jin laughed. It was an inside joke between the three of them, kidnapping Secretary Mo’s son and escaping from the palace. 

“Yes, yes! Let’s go kidnapping! Let’s go bounce!” 

Tae-eul looked up at Gon, laughing. “Did he just use slang with me?” 

Gon knelt down beside her, grinning. “He means Vaunce. It’s a trampoline park. You want to go?” 

Tae-eul looked between them, and Gon imitated Woo-jin’s pouty-pleading face. She couldn’t help laughing. “Let’s go bounce then!” 

Gon changed into his incognito outfit. T-shirt, light denim jacket, jeans. He also washed his hair to remove the mousse and let his hair dry just lying naturally on his head. 

Then he changed Woo-jin into a similar outfit. Secretary Mo liked dressing her son like a little prep school boy, and in previous kidnappings, he and Tae-eul had to buy Woo-jin clothes he could play in. 

Tae-eul had changed too. Her detective outfit-- her usual shirt, vest, jacket and boxy jeans combo-- didn’t fit a trampoline park, so she picked skinny jeans and a pullover she wouldn’t have to keep hold of if she decided to go all out on a trampoline. 

“Right, Yeong says the getaway car’s on its way to pick us... up--” Gon trailed off, looking from Woo-jin to her, and smiled that boyish smile she loved. “You look nice.” 

She wrinkled her nose. “Maybe we should cut your hair.” 

Gon looked exasperated. He picked up Woo-jin. “There. See? Here’s my disguise.” 

Woo-jin giggled. 

They were off, and Tae-eul tried not to be nervous. Being out in the open in present-day Corea made her feel exposed. But thankfully Gon’s disguise worked. The first time it worked they were so stunned they laughed for three minutes straight, disbelieving that it was that easy. 

It was ridiculous but it was effective. Sans bodyguards and trademark hair and long coats, and with Woo-jin in his arms, Gon didn’t look like the king. No one expected it would be the king. They had gone about their day in Busan without anyone making a fuss. 

Or Coreans were simply not too nosy about other families. 

That made her stomach flutter. She knew how they looked. Gon knew how they looked. Woo-jin even called them Omma and Appa in these kidnappings, so they wouldn’t be “caught by the police.” It was part of their inside joke. 

Gon smiled at her in that happy, satisfied way, tucking her against his side with his other arm while holding Woo-jin in the other as they walked from the car-- an ordinary car he drove himself-- to the park. 

Then they were inside and Tae-eul laid a hand on Gon’s arm when he was buying the tickets. 

“What is it?” he asked.

The smell of rubber and disinfectant spray, the noise from the kids, and the colorful interior of the indoor park all churned inside her head, making her chest pound, because a single thought stood out starkly like a big monument amid the swirl of color and sound. 

“Omma--” 

Woo-jin’s voice-- and what he said-- brought Tae-eul back. Her heart was still racing. 

“What is it?” Gon asked again, looking concerned now. “Are you alright? Do you want Viewing Only?” 

Tae-eul shook her head, as much to clear it as to answer Gon. “Of course not. I’m fine. Sorry. Go ahead. Let’s bounce!” 

There was no way she wouldn’t be okay bouncing on a trampoline park. Even if-- even if she were-- it was too early, and she knew women did so much more and they were fine. 

God. 

-----------------------

Gon turned down the blankets for her and then immediately caged her with his arms and legs, maneuvering her to face him with her head pillowed on his upper arm.   

“What’s wrong? You’ve been distracted all day.” He stroked her hair and cupped her cheek, fingers gently stroking her ear.

Tae-eul stared into those eyes, looked at that face, sank further into his arms, and forgot why she was scared in the first place. 

“I need to take a pregnancy test.” 

She watched his face and loved what she saw there. The movement of his eyes and cheeks and lips made her heart speed up and she felt like she’d been jumping on trampolines again. He was surprised. He was stunned. He wasn’t unhappy. He opened his mouth but nothing came out at first. Tae-eul waited. 

“Are you-- do you-- how do you feel?” 

And Tae-eul fell more deeply in love with him than ever. In her head, she’d imagined him saying or asking so many other things, his scientific brain demanding facts, but no, the first thing he asked was how she felt about this. 

She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled her face against his chest, kissing him there through his pajama top. 

When she spoke, everything she’d been holding back all day spilled out. The one big thought that had haunted her all day, until now. “I didn’t want to go on the trampolines-- I just suddenly realized it when we were getting tickets. It suddenly terrified me if it might hurt the-- but lots of women do much more while they don’t know they’re-- and I’m still okay and--”

His arms tightened around her. She felt the shudder that ran through him. She stroked his back to soothe him and he mirrored the action, and kissed her hair. 

She knew he understood. That was how she felt about this. She didn’t even know yet if she was really-- but she was already terrified about hurting it. 

That was all that mattered, that was the important thing, that she hadn’t hurt it. 

Everything else-- the fact that they lived in different worlds-- it was all inconsequential. 

“We’ll go first thing tomorrow,” he said, his voice a little gravelly. 

She nodded against him, and they fell asleep like that, after what felt like hours of just quietly holding each other. 

--------------------------------

They went to a clinic in the republic. He helped her look for a specialty clinic with its own lab, so they wouldn’t have to wait days for the results. He was adamant that they didn’t go to an outright hospital with an OB-gyne department, because she would have been unnecessarily “exposed to something.” 

The OB was a cute woman with a bob. Tae-eul liked her immediately. She explained the options to Tae-eul, and Tae-eul chose the blood test without waiting for the doctor to finish explaining the vaginal sono. 

The doctor laughed but said she understood. No point having to go through that when Tae-eul hadn’t even taken a home PT. She wanted the blood test to give her a definite answer. So Tae-eul peed in a cup and her blood was taken and that was it.

They did have to wait two hours so they could have the results of the urine and blood test together. They went to a cafe and sat in a booth tucked away near the back. 

“Let’s not get our hopes up.” 

He grinned and took her hands, just wrapping his fingers over hers around her mug of hot chocolate. “So you hope for it, too, do you?”

She shook her head at him and tried to stay rational. “We’re careful. The chances are point zero zero three percent.”

“I’ll take those chances. We’ve always been exceptional.”

Tae-eul just looked at him sardonically. He laughed. 

They ordered food and ate, talking about everything else but what they were waiting for. 

They both knew they couldn’t discuss anything yet until they knew. 

And Tae-eul was glad about having him this time, anchoring her, being the giddy one so she could be the calm one, and she was able to eat just fine, all her nerves calm and steady because he was there with her and everything would be just fine. 

That she wasn’t pregnant was an anticlimax she didn’t know what to do with. 

They’d thanked the doctor and she had smiled at them. “Keep trying! It won’t take long. I hope to see you again and give you the good news.” 

They got in the car and just sat there for a few moments, with Gon looking at her and her looking at her hands in her lap. 

“Tae-eul?” 

She looked at him and smiled. “Let’s go back to the bamboo forest.” 

He seemed to understand--he always did-- and started the car without pressing her further. 

Tae-eul leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, meditating on what she’d just discovered about herself, and what it meant for them. 

The rest of the drive to the bamboo grove, they stayed silent. At some point, Gon reached for her hand and brought their hands up to stroke her cheek for a moment. 

“Saranghae.” 

She enclosed his hand with both of hers, resting their hands on the center console and turning to him a little without opening her eyes. She smiled. “Nado.” 

When they sat on a bench in the bamboo grove, Tae-eul was resolved. 

Since she met him she’d had to take several leaps of faith and he had always proven worth it, everything about him was real, true, pure-- well, not pure, because she’d seen him kill and purity wasn’t important anyway-- and he was home to her. He was her home and they were both living and loving this strange and wonderful fate but she was ready if that fate meant so much more. 

She wanted so much more. 

She’d been through this twice now and both times had shown her what she wanted, what her heart absolutely ached for each time it happened. 

She looked at him and she didn’t have to tell him to look at her because he already was, peering at her face, looking worried. She smiled and smoothed her thumb on his forehead. 

“Don’t look like that. I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

She nodded. She took a deep breath. She placed both hands on his shoulders, then slid them up and cradled his cheeks, squishing them and making him grin before moving her hands to that jawline she loved so much. 

“Lee Gon. Here’s the thirteenth rule. If we ever get married, I’ll stop being on birth control and let’s just see where that takes us. Are you alright with that?”

He blinked at her and in a matter of two blinks his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. She smiled and felt tears run down her own cheeks. He wiped them and then just held her cheeks, too. They probably looked ridiculous to passersby but she didn’t care. 

“Well,” he said, then exhaled and took a deep breath. He slid his arms around her and held her tightly. “Well, I always follow your rules, don’t I?”  

[ducktracy]

166. steamlined greta green (1937)

release date: june 19th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: berneice hansell (junior), mel blanc (bartender)

it’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it?

the title appropriated from the song “greta green”, streamlined greta green chronicles the adventures of a little car who wishes to grow up into a taxi cab, much to the chagrin of his mother, who wishes he’d follow the footsteps of his father and become a touring car. tex avery would expand upon this premise 14 years later with his own short, one cab’s family, where the little child wants to be a sleek hot-rod instead of a taxi like his father. interesting to see how times change!

“lullaby of broadway” underscores a busy street scene as we open. trolleys, cars, you name it, all narrowly avoid crashing as they bottleneck through a busy (and poorly regulated) intersection. two cars inevitably crash together, spurring an altercation. reducing the anthropomorphic cars’ dialogue to nothing but furious honking through means of a muffled trumpet is a wonderful touch, furthering the whimsicality of the short as a whole. angry exchanges morph into a heated wrestling match--suspension of disbelief works well as a nearby stoplight turns red and signals the cars to stop. they take a breather at opposite ends of the “ring”, and once the stop sign turns green again, they go back at it. the scene itself is reminiscent of the epic sequence in porky the wrestler where the entire wrestling ring is transformed into a train. perhaps not as exaggerated, but still enough to warrant praise.

fret not--the majority of cars seem to uphold a camaraderie as we hone in on a taxi dance hall. jaunty animation of anthropomorphic cars dancing together fill the scene inside (as does some sign gags, one sign reading “five can dance as cheap as one”), accompanied by a chorus of the title song. by this point, the merrie melodies songs were on their way out the door. i don’t believe i mentioned it before (probably too preoccupied by digesting the racism of the cartoon), but the merrie melody before this, uncle tom’s bungalow, was the first merrie melody to exclude a song entirely. the songs were a detriment to the cartoons rather than a bonus, and as a result, the songs themselves became much more halfhearted in the cartoons they were featured in. here is no exception.

all of the taxi cabs are happily dancing together. all except one, a lady taxi sitting politely aside with nary a dance partner. she turns bashful as a taxi approaches her for a dance, and in a clever twist, the lady taxi plops a coin inside her meter, switching the label from vacant to occupied. anthropomorphic cars aren’t as mind-bogglingly inventive as they used to be (just look at the pixar films), but for 1937, this entire cartoon is extremely creative. friz has worked with anthropomorphic cars before--he animated the beginning part with piggy of this wonderful scene from you don’t know what you’re doin’!, which still holds up as one of my favorite merrie melodies. the animation here (as in 1937 here) is wonderfully jaunty and fluid, and to boot we’re met with an innuendo as the lady taxi’s meter continues to rise. following in the steps of tex avery and his love of jackpot gags since day 1, the meter turns into a slot machine, winning the jackpot, and a plethora of gold coins shower out as the male taxi happily collects the coins into his hat, much to the bashfulness of his partner.

away from the busy city is a quaint little backyard, where we stumble upon the star of the picture--a tiny little car reading a book on how to be a taxi cab. the underscore here is “my little buckaroo”, which would find a home time and time again in many a warner bros cartoon (such as the 1938 friz freleng cartoon with the same name, as well as the daffy duckaroo, my little duckaroo...) the little car sighs longingly as he reads. the backgrounds are beautifully painted, conveying the homely nature of the scene rather nicely. very atmospheric, very nostalgic. the car’s mother emerges from the garage, honking and searching for her son junior. 

mama car finds junior engrossed in his book, to which junior panics and hides the book behind his back. the power of domineering motherhood prevails as junior reluctantly forks the book over. “i wanna be a taxi,” he protests indignantly after seeing his mother’s shocked expression at the brazen literature her son was reading. “a taxi? of all things! i want you to grow up and be a nice touring car like your father.” berneice hansell’s squeaky vocals are endearing as always as junior refuses. “i don’t wanna be a touring car. i wanna be a taxi!”

not having any more of it, mama car drags junior by the “ear” (one of the metal covers of his tires) and takes him inside their humble garage abode. as mama car prepares junior’s lunch for school (gasoline of course), you’ll notice a wonderfully clever visual gag--a framed portrait of an old car from the early 1900s hangs on the garage wall, affectionately labeled “grandpa”. my initial thought was that this was a dig on the 1933 disney hit the three little pigs, which couldn’t be too far off. this wouldn’t be the last time friz rips on disney--wait til’ his behemoth pigs in a polka 6 years later.

with lunch prepared, mama places the lunchbox in junior’s seat, much to his displeasure. junior takes off, with mama cooing at him to run along to school, stay away from traffic, “and keep clear of those railroad crossings...”

junior reaches the intersection between auto school and the city. his plight of decision is accented by a visual dotted line as he reads both signs, turning his head, trying to make a final decision. the school bell tolls like a funeral bell--with that, junior plays it brave and heads for the city instead. city life already asserts itself as intimidating as junior attempts to cross the bustling city streets. as the stoplight turns red, he readies himself at the line, preparing to take off, but once the light turns green, he’s repeatedly run over (or run above?) a number of cars as the cars zoom forward beneath him, rendering the little car paralyzed. very fun, smooth, hurried animation. once traffic clears, the light red again, junior is now in the company of an older, slower car, who patiently waits for the signal to go. once the light is green, the sound of the bell throws the old car into a boxing frency, shadow-boxing with an invisible enemy. this gag was referenced all too many times in the disastrous porky’s moving day by jack king just a year before.

junior gets jostled around by traffic as he wanders aimlessly into another intersection, eventually throwing himself into a safety zone (one thinks of picador porky), a fitting underscore of “little man, you’ve had a busy day” accompanying junior as he frantically pants, trying to catch his breath, his heart (where the engine is) beating furiously. more jaunty animation as junior, ever the genius, breaks the physical restraints of the cartoon world as he lifts up the painted lines and carries the safety zone with him. caught up in complacency, he tumbles straight into an open storm drain, weaseling his way out on the other side of the street. 

suddenly, relief--a gas station catches his eye. he approaches, the gas station serving as a soda fountain of sorts, manned by a bartender voiced by (who else?) mel blanc, asking “what’ll ya have, son?” the gas comes in a variety of flavors--strawberry, grape, orange, etc. junior signals the orange, which is “powerful stuff, son!” junior has his fill, and instantly the gas takes effect, sending jolts through out his body as the engine explodes in a rhythmic cadence (a classic warner bros gag). after the initial shock, junior is revitalized and ready to go--”gee, i can go fast now! watch!” 

predictable yet endearing, junior takes off in a flash, much to the bewilderment of the bartender. a camera pan reveals junior standing at the bartender’s side, clearly pleased with his work, much to the awe of the bartender. junior’s attempts to show off are endearing and serve as suitable momentum to the inevitable climax as he zooms over to the railroad tracks, “yoo-hoo!”ing the bartender. “shuffle off to buffalo” underscores the sound of an approaching train, hurtling across the railroad tracks as junior observes in awe. if my memory serves me correctly, the particular footage of the train used here is the first of many reuses--this train pops up in a number of cartoons, the one coming to my mind right now being porky’s picnic in 1939. perhaps it was used before this and my memory is just poor, but, at the very least, i can say that it’s the same train.

junior, now cocky, decides to race the train to show off, speeding alongside the tracks on a rural stretch of road. his excitement is cut short by a road hog--literally. a giant pig shaped car, labeled ROAD HOG in threatening bold letters slows junior’s momentum, junior honking angry “barks” at the offending car. junior attempts to pass, but to no avail. instead, the road hog grows even more obnoxious by stretching its tires out to hog the entire stretch of road. thankfully, a bridge comes to junior’s aid as the road hog is sent riding above the support beams, with junior passing below and now in front of the road hog.

road hog taken care of, junior gets gutsy again as his attention focuses once more on the rival train. determined to out-perform, junior attempts to race alongside the train, casting looks of validation occasionally to see just how well he’s holding the lead. the energy of the next handful of scenes is just swell--friz’s knack for musical timing comes in clutch as the railroad crossing bell dings in hurried succession with the beat of the jaunty music. some tashlin-esque camera angles as the train heads straight for the audience, with junior crossing over the tracks just before it, narrowly avoiding an inevitable collision. the charade is repeated again (with the footage flipped), but the energy is just as strong the first time around, especially with the key of the music elevating up a notch to D instead of C, heightening the anticipation and adrenaline. 

even if the energy is rampant, it can’t be maintained for the remainder of the cartoon, just watching junior do his gymnastics. friz knows this, too, which is why we get a view of junior’s gas gauge dropping to empty. predictably, junior stalls out on the train tracks as the train approaches. the train hurtles towards the audience, junior cowers in fear... and fade out to black.

i give friz credit, as i didn’t expect this to happen at ALL. i assumed his mother would swoop in out of the shadows to save the day and give him a stern talking to afterwards, but instead we’re met with a rather bizarre and somber scene. an ambulance tow truck hauls an off-screen junior to the auto garage hospital, and we’re met with a rather moody surgery montage. the suspense is extremely thick--the directing here is very cinematographic, very tashlin-esque, and VERY well executed. we never once see the injured junior. we have a split-screen montage of the surgery, showing oxygen being pumped, utensils passed around... the directing is top notch. very brooding, very smart to withhold junior from the audience, as well as concealing most of the faces of the operators. the minor key rendition of “my little buckaroo” does wonders to maintain the somber mood.

outside, we see mama car pacing aimlessly around, tearfully “oh dear”ing all the way through. the suspense doesn’t stop--the back door creaks open. after a beat, we see little junior, alive and mostly well, covered in bandages, running to his mother. they embrace lovingly, but that doesn’t exclude junior from a good lecture. 

another wonderful turn of events as we hear the all too familiar bellow of a train whistle during mama’s lecture. junior displays how much he’s learned his lesson by darting straight towards the tracks once more, hungry for a race. all the broodiness, all the moodiness, all the tears and heartfelt sorrow are thrown out the window as junior’s need for speed prevails once more. 

what also prevails once more is the train. junior manages to dodge the train at first, mocking the train in the process, but in the midst of his gloating, he’s oblivious to the other train hurtling straight behind him. 

again, junior gets hit. junior is relatively unscathed, albeit dazed as we fade back in from black. iris out as we see that the train is now in shambles, taking a much more severe beating than junior did.

i have to say, i thought i knew where this cartoon was going--i certainly was mistaken! i assumed it would be much more disney-esque, much more cutesy and endearing than it actually turned out to be. with that said, i ended up enjoying it a lot more than i would have as a result. the music score was lovely all the way through, as was the animation and the creativity. as i said, talking cars aren’t as surprising now, but this was pretty damn innovative for its time, and they certainly made the best of their surroundings and setting. the dark turn the short took was wonderful. energy was high all through the cartoon, but especially during the climax, and the broodiness of the surgery scenes serve as a strong juxtaposition to the previous scenes. it’s certainly evident both tex avery and frank tashlin have rubbed off on friz--as they should. friz is a solid director who is WAY too underrated for my tastes. his timing, both musical and comedic, is impeccable, and his cartoons are wonderful to watch. he doesn’t get as much praise because he’s not as “wacky”, but subtleties are just as, if not more so, important than wild animation, and i’d argue that especially for its time, this is pretty wild! tashlin’s camera angles and filmmaking techniques and tex’s need for speed and absurd humor both rub off on friz as we see here, and it pays off extremely nicely. at first i wasn’t too enthused to watch this cartoon, as i figured it’d be your “standard” merrie melody, but after seeing the end i would definitely recommend you to watch it. it’s fun, light-hearted, and it wouldn’t hurt to watch just once. go check it out!

link!

[jimhenson-themuppetmaster]

The Muppet Movie

RAINBOW CONNECTION FINALE

Muppet Characters (in alphabetical order)

Afghan Hound, Alice Otter, Animal, Anything Muppets, Babies (x4), Baby Koozebanian Creatures (x4), Baskerville the Hound, Beaker, Beauregard, Beautiful Day Monster, Beaver, Behemoth, Bert, Bertha, Biff, Big Bird, Billy the Bear, Blue AM Kid, Blue Frackle, Brad, Brewster, Brown Bat, Bruce Monster, Bubba, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Camilla the Chicken, Catgut, Charlie Muskrat, Chick, Chickens (x7), Chuck Stoat, Cookie Monster, Count von Count, Cousin Monster, Crazy Harry, Cow, Crocodile (x5), Dimples the Dog, Doc Bullfrog, Dogs, Doglion, Dr. Teeth, Droop, Emmet Otter, Eric the Parrot, Ernie, Farley, Female Koozebanian Creature, Fleet Scribbler, Fletcher Bird, Floyd Pepper, Forcryingoutloud Bird, Fozzie Bear, Frank, Fred Lizard, Fred the Wonder Horse, Frogs (x6), George Rabbit, George the Janitor, Georgie, The Gills Brothers, Gladys, Gladys the Cow, Gonzo, Gorgon Heap, Gramps, Gretchen Fox, Green Frackle, Grover, Guy Smiley, Harold, Harrison Fox, Harry Monster, Harvey Beaver, Harvey Monster, Herbert Birdsfoot, Herbie the One-Octopus Band, Herry Monster, Hetty Muskrat, Hilda, Howard Snake, James Badger, Janice, Jerry, Jim, Jim Frawley Muppet, J. P. Grosse, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Kangaroo, Kermit the Frog, King Ploobis, 2 Lautrec Sisters, Lenny the Lizard, Lew Zealand, Link Hogthrob, Little Bird, Lobsters (x4), Louis Kazagger, Lou, Lubbock Lou, Luncheon Counter Monster, Mahna Mahna, Male Koozebanian Creature, Mary Louise, Marvin Suggs, Maurice Monster, Mean Mama, Melissa Rabbit, Mildred Huxtetter, Miss Kitty, Miss Mousey, Miss Piggy, Mr. Johnson, Mutt, Muppy, The Newsman, Nigel, Ohboy Bird, Ohreally Bird, Old Lady Possum, Oscar the Grouch, Paul Revere, Prairie Dawn, Pumpkin AM Man, Queen Peuta, Quongo, Righton Bird, Robin the Frog, Ronald Duck, Roosevelt Franklin, Roosevelt Franklin's Mother, Rowlf the Dog, Sam the Eagle, Scooter, Screaming Thing, Scred, Shakey Sanchez, Sheep, Sherlock Hemlock, Shirley and Nat Muskrat, Slim Wilson, Snake Frackle, The Snowths (x2), Sopwith the Camel, Squirrels, Stanley Weasel, Statler and Waldorf, Sully, The Swedish Chef, Swinetrek Crewpigs, Tessie Twiddlebug, Thog, Thomas Twiddlebug, Timmy Monster, Two-Headed Monster, Uncle Deadly, Vazh, Wanda, Wayne, Wendell Porcupine, Whaddayasay Bird, Whatnots, Will Possum, Winky Pinkerton, Wisss, Yancy Woodchuck, Youknow Bird, Zeke, Zelda Rose, & Zoot

[leeuwchen]

Suddenly had that one stuck in my head and its beginning somehow broke free before presents, cake and my mother’s food befuddled my brain. 

The one where Huber comes to dinner

 “Please, Benedikt, don’t!”

“But-”

“No really, don’t!”, Andrea insists on the other end of the line, “the roads are pretty much closed, it’s snowing like hell and there is chaos everywhere.”

“I’ve got a pretty good car, you know”, he tries one last time but his former wife doesn’t buy it. “Don’t you think this family has had enough catastrophes with car accidents in the past two years? Let’s just postpone Christmas a few days, okay? I’m sure, Ute and the Weigels will be happy to have you tonight.”

Looking around his empty apartment Benedikt snorts indignantly. “Forget about it, I’m probably the last person they need right now. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not too keen to spend an evening tiptoeing around the whole thing between Conor and his father now that we’ve finally left our own family troubles behind.”

“You shouldn’t spend Christmas Eve all alone.”

“I won’t. We are postponing it, right? So, it isn’t even Christmas today.”

He can practically hear Andrea smile. “Ah, the good old Huber way. Do it properly or don’t do it at all. But would you enjoy a video call later today anyway?”

“Of course, I would. See you later then.”

 Sometimes Easy is still astounded by the fact just how light-hearted the relationship between Tobias and his younger brother has become. Less than a year and a half ago his best friend made it a point to use every opportunity he got to tell him that Ringo would ruin his life for good because that’s what Ringo always did and now…

“Perfect plan hiding them here to keep that sneaky little weasel from taking revenge on Vivi and me, don’t you think?”

“That’s my husband you are talking about.”

They are standing inside the smaller office of Wagner&Lassner and the lawyer is proudly putting present after present on his table.

“And anyway, those were my wedding presents at the flat share as well… which you secretly unwrapped… and played with… so what makes you so sure I am not planning to take revenge on you right now?”

Tobias shoots him a look that clearly says he doubts his capability when it comes to stuff like that but when Easy tries to take one of the presents, he quickly takes it away from him anyway.

“Just in case. You are Mr Sneaky Little Weasel’s other half now after all and… why are you smiling like that?”

“Oh… I’m just happy we get to spend Christmas Eve together like that.”

Tobias looks like he wants to cross-examine him for about a second but they both turn around surprised when suddenly the entrance door opens and Benedikt Huber storms in, obviously in a very bad mood. Passing them he nods briefly and is halfway up the stairs to his office when Tobias can’t control his nosiness any longer and steps out of his own. “Shouldn’t you be at your family’s party in Hamburg by now?”, he asks looking up the staircase. Slowly, Huber turns around. His gaze is cold as ice and his voice doesn’t show any emotion.

“Well, Mr Lassner, as I am standing right in front of you at this very moment, I have clearly not gone away. A good lawyer should be capable of connecting simple facts like that without having to ask but maybe you are not quite back on track yet so we should just end this little interrogation, don’t you think?”

“And Merry Christmas to you too”, Tobias shouts provokingly happy, deciding to leave the insult uncommented, and both he and Easy keep staring up to the second floor while Huber is entering his office and pours himself a whiskey, clearly ignoring the fact that he is being stared at. “Don’t even think about it”, Tobias mumbles sternly. Easy furrows his brows.

“What do you mean?”

“You are thinking about inviting Huber to our Christmas dinner.”

“Am not.”

“Ringo will kill you for that.”

“Then make sure he gets a good lawyer.”

“Very funny, but I am dead serious, Easy, don’t”, Tobias tries one last time but his best friend has already taken the first steps up the staircase.

 A few moments later he is standing in front of the desk of his husband’s former boss. Huber is eyeing him suspiciously, the glass of whiskey still in his right hand.

“Mr Winter, how may I help you? Or are we just waiting for you to come up with one of these catchy little insults that always amuse me so much.”

“I wanted to ask you if you’d like to spend Christmas Eve at the flat share.”

“You…what?”

“Believe me, I am as surprised as you are but I have seen Dickens’ Christmas Carol a couple of times - Muppet version and Bill Murray as well - and I kinda believe that if you were to be visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future tonight and started throwing around money and love from tomorrow on that would be too much to handle for all of us after everything we’ve been through lately, so…”

“…you thought that having me over spending time with you, Miss Piggy and Young Waldorf and Statler would be the lesser evil?”

“Exactly. And you better not call Vivien Miss Piggy to her face if you want to survive the evening. So, are you coming?”

“Of course not.”

Huber pours himself another drink and raises his glass to Easy who slowly starts shaking his head.

“You do realize that this is you being visited by the Ghost of Christmas Present already and I am the nice one. Young Waldorf and Statler won’t invite you that politely.”

“Your husband and his obnoxious brother won’t invite me at all.”

“They will if I ask them to… so, do we have a deal? It’s the only way to avoid us coming for you in silly costumes anyway.”

[celestialmarks]

☮♦ for kokichi & ♒ for rurikawa. take your time i know i asked a lot

you really think i can’t ramble abt kokichi at the drop of a hat u should know me better by now

cracks knuckles. i know my audience, so i’ll talk about his friendship with amami, for the friendship headcanon!  i'm thinking of postgame, but i won't discuss spoilers, not to worry.

the way is envision it, at first, their dynamic is what we can infer from the official relationship chart: amami, being (on the surface, but still) a super chill guy, goes along with his antics up to a certain point while internally being like “damn, this dude’s annoying” and kokichi can TOTALLY tell and will take advantage. he’s going to test amami’s patience, let me tell you. so you have amami’s smile growing increasingly strained, and his defense of kokichi getting sloppier and sloppier, until he just doesn’t bother anymore. and afterwards he comes up with a flimsy excuse that he knows kokichi won’t believe, and kokichi also knows that he knows, so they both just smile at each other like “:)…………….” it’s really frigging funny

after that though, kokichi’s got a good sense of where amami’s bullshit tolerance level is, so he's playing around with that. if he keeps it on the down-low, amami’s so tired that he’s bound to lower his guard at some point and his Big Brother Instinct will instinctively trigger so he will, say, agree to giving kokichi a piggy-back ride without thinking and then be like “wait……….” but it’s too late he can’t get out of it. basically kokichi is like the perpetual annoyance that will drag him around and well i’ll let you infer from canon how he feels about the fact that they have a sibling-like relationship (except, more messed up, moreso the shadow of one, to begin with, because it’s not like either of them want to go further than play-pretend…) EXCEPT that there’s a second side to their relationship which is, i think, kokichi’s enabling amami’s bastardly tendencies, except that like. nobody believes that! because amami’s such a laid back, good guy, right! so the blame falls on kokichi which kokichi’s fine with bcse he’s used to that, and then amami’s gonna help him weasel out of the sticky situations he gets himself in using the trust people will put in him, so it’s like… bad cop good cop except it’s trustworthy lad vs untrustworthy gremlin, and they’re not truly either but who cares since it serves them. mutually beneficial bastardism, baybey! so yes in a nutshell i think kokichi makes two very contradictory sides of amami’s personality come out and clash which are his devotion to his siblings and his selfishness / indifference; and i’m not too sure where that’ll go but i’ll probably explore it in fic when the time comes.

for the quirk/hobbies headcanon, i think canon gives us plenty of info when it comes to his hobbies (hide and seek, games in general, designing funky weapons and the like, Being Gay Doing Crime, and i feel like he’d enjoy stimulating conversations overall even in a quiet context, for example around a cup of tea since he seems to value that downtime. he’s also said to like animals since they don’t lie, which i think is adorable, albeit a little sad when you think of the implications. there’s probably more but i need to replay salmon mode). when it comes to quirks, i think it’s canon that he’ll twirl locks of hair around his index finger when he’s thinking, which is why his hair is like that? (that’s also really cute i can’t stand him.) and that he loves carbonated drinks, so i think he’s probably not great with sleeping properly, one way or the other. i’d add that he wears nail polish (i think that’s also a popular hc), that he has adhd which is why his thinking space is an organised mess and that he’s so bouncy and keen on being entertained, andddd… i can think of other things but in the broader sense that’s all i have? i’d need to get a lot more detailed and precise to get into his habits and i could basically ramble on and on about it, so i’ll stop there.

also you asked me about a cooking/food hc for rurikawa (rurikawa yuki from a3) and like… well in main story canon he’s 14-15 and adults usually have lunches covered at mankai, so i don’t think he cooks by himself at all, but i think he can feed himself if he has to? yuki comes from a pretty traditional family so they would have taught him the basics at least. but i think he’s not especially interested in it, so he most likely wouldn’t cook purposefully or anything. he wouldn’t be reluctant either, though, and would probably help omi out when he needs and pick up a few things along the way. otherwise, he probably learns more about cooking as he gets older, especially once moving out of dorms. 

his favorite food is omurice and i think… that’s relatively easy to cook? apparently yuki only likes mild stuff he has baby tastebuds dfghjdgdh he can’t handle wasabi at all for example. and he just ends up giving that part of his plate to someone else. i think when he does it’s kind of a way to show affection though, bcse iirc he gives what he doesn’t want to izumi in a backstage story at some point (and tenma’s also shown taking something from yuki's plate in a blog picture. yuki was very casual about the whole thing. since giving things/gestures instead of words are his most prominent love languages i’m just :’) they’re very comfortable around each other and it shows thanks to little details like these.)

[video-killed-the-radio-host]

A snippet. A word from the sponsor! To big to screenshot 😂

"Night Vale, it is that time of year again. Love is in the air and those of us who are lucky enough to survive being hit by Cupids arrow have a healthy sex life. I know I do. Now matter what Steve-" Cecil groans into the mic. "Carlsburggggg has been saying. Carlos and I have a healthy sex life. In fact just four days ago-"

Cecil goes to babble on about their 'adventure'in the lab and Carlos covers his fsce with a groan.

"-...and it was amazing. So take that Steve! And despite being sexually active, no one wants a nasty dease. So wrap it before you tap it. Give the piggie a blanket. Cover your stump before you hump  Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 

Don't be silly, protect your Willie When in doubt shroud you spout Don't be a loner, cover your boner  You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter If you slip between her thighs, condomize She won't get sick if you wrap your dick If you go into heat, package your meat While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis  When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse  Especially in December, gift wrap your member  Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker  Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool The right selection, is to protect your erection  Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil A crank with armor, will never harm her If you really love her, wear a cover Don't make a mistake, cover your snake 

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener  If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket No glove, no love if you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye Even If she's eager, protect her beaver  No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax  Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt  Avoid a frown, contain your clown  Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed  Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground Cloak the joker before you poke her Encase that torch before you paint her porch Cape your throbber before you bob her After detection sheath your erection Before you penetrate hide your magistrate  Don't surprise her plug your Geyser Cover that lumber before you pump her  Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle  She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle  House your noodle then release your strudel Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound  Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey  Cage that snake then shake and bake Cover your peter it will be much neater Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore  It's always funky to cage your monkey  It won't be funny with a coatless dummy  It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb  It's not much money to catch your honey  Don't be a fool cover your tool 

Hood that match then scratch that thatch Stitch that switch then itch her niche. Wrap that tool to catch the drool It ain't no jibe to protect her hive Contain that sputum before you use him Restrain your log then plow her bog Glove your pecker before you check her Coat that slimer before you prime her Condomize then womanize .Cover old pete then grind her meat .Guard your peter before you meet her. Check your list before you tryst .Wrap your bate before you mate . Can your worm before you squirm . Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe . Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard. Bag the mole then do her hole. Cuff your carrot before you share it. Jail your number then call the plumber . Trojian. Wear the damn condom."

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E32 (August 28, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Announcements: 

No Talks Machina next Tuesday, but they will be back the following week to discuss episode 33 of CR. Next Tuesday, instead of Talks, they’re filming something very special for the new channel. Sam: “You are? Oh, god.” 

Handbooker Helper premieres tomorrow at 10 AM Pacific Time at youtube.com/criticalrole! The first episode focuses on dice basics. 

There’s a new charity drive for the Pablove Foundation, dedicated to research toward ending children’s cancer; they’ve already hit the first $20k benchmark, which means Sam will be DMing a game of Crash Pandas! The next goal is $50k, which will be used to establish a research grant.

@critrolestats for this episode:

Nott has successfully disguised herself 12 times since the campaign started.

Caleb’s most-cast spells (in order): Alarm, Firebolt, and Identify.

The party has spent 55 of their 81 days together on the road.

Gustav’s sentence in Trostenwald lasted 77 days. He averaged about 7 gold, 8 copper per day of work.

Is Nott freaked out after her adventure with Jester went so badly? “Nott is always freaked out to do anything, but is starting to loosen up a bit and trust that-- at least up until this last episode-- trust that her friends could get her out of most scenarios. Maybe she’ll be a little more hesitant in the future.” She might “take one of the responsible ones along, like Fjord or Caleb.” Liam: “Yeah, you should bring someone sharp and level-headed, in case you need to go to a hospital...”

Caleb loves that a fan points out the parallels between Caleb’s similarities to the protagonist in the Dark Tower books: “Caleb wants to do really specific things, and he is not done with that. They’re potentially harmful, and I think that before he started traveling with these people, the main thing was getting them to trust me, and form a working relationship, but the bigger problem now is, does their friendship become a problem? Do I want to get close to you if I know potentially that I’ve got to walk away from you at a bad moment?” There’s another element he can’t talk about yet where he took more direct inspiration from The Dark Tower. He’s not sure yet which way Caleb will end up veering, and whether there’s a point where he’ll prioritize his friends over his long-term goals. “For all characters, there’s what he tells himself is the deal, and what’s really the deal. I’m enjoying not knowing where the hell it’s going.”

“Nott doesn’t really much care about Gustav, but also does not give a shit about money. It’s a means to an end for her.” Other than providing a little security for herself and Caleb, “the other stuff is way cooler, the little buttons and stuff.” When the opportunity came to pay so much for Gustav’s release, “she was like, ‘Yeah, sure, great.’”

Sam and Nott both wanted to know more about Molly’s past. Liam wanted to know, but Caleb didn’t care. Especially since Molly emphasized not caring about his past, and they didn’t know each other too well, Caleb was satisfied to just take that at face value. Molly’s experience was also interesting as a complete opposite to Caleb’s own experience of being completely consumed by his past.

Sam and Liam talk about how they both think about the show constantly throughout the week. Liam: “And I also spend 10% of my week thinking about Vax, too.”

Gif of the Week: Caduceus learns how much money 400 gold is. There may or may not be a live voiceover version of the text.

Why does Caleb still use fire? “Caleb feels like he needs to work through it, ‘cause fire’s not going anywhere. Maybe something that will come out eventually is the reason that fire is his first and he has a real affinity for it now. The fire is natural progression. The Fireball is something that Caleb got just from leveling up, so I took that for him to be understanding what he can already do and magnifying it. It’s the strongest weapon in his arsenal. He needs to master the misery and the pain so he’s ready to deal with facing his ex-teacher someday, or other people.” On Beau being the one to bring him back each time lately: “He likes that. It’s a flawed friendship, it’s not affectionate the way Caleb and Nott is, but that’s okay. The instinct to bet big and tell her everything came from a sense of shared interest, and shared point of view. They’re still very different, but there’s a lot in common there.” A lot of the things she does has been reaffirming his choice to take a chance on her.

Nott’s aware that she’s been more and more powerful, and so she’s been drinking less in battle situations. “She’s still skittish and gets nervous about stuff, but they’ve survived and succeeded in enough fights now that she’s becoming a little more brave.” Liam asks if Nott knows how gifted she is. Sam: “She’s aware that she can do things better than other folks in the group, but she probably would not think those things are the most spectacular.” Liam talks about how Caleb and Nott are “two different kinds of gifted weirdos.” Sam: “Just like us. Except for the ‘gifted’ part.”

Caleb was impressed by Caduceus’ approach to the Ettin encounter.

Sam: “Something that I just decided about goblins: they have short lifespans, and they’re also super brutal and just attack and they’re mean and get hungry and all this stuff, so I just thought, maybe goblins are just like unrestrained id.” A lot of Nott’s character came from that thought.

It felt really strange for Nott and Caleb to be welcomed by Alfield when they arrived. Caleb’s concerned about their amplified visibility in the Empire, which isn’t sitting well with him. At least when they’re affiliated with the Gentleman and the criminal element, it keeps the visibility away. Nott’s hesitant to be in the spotlight, but has also realized that cheering means fewer thrown rocks, so that’s good.

Fanart of the Week: Jester and Caduceus strolling through town.

There’s a brief foray into autoerotic asphyxiation. As you do.

Liam, Taliesin, and Marisha have all met SideBySamuel. The mystery continues.

Caleb on the dodecahedron: “It’s a little too perfect.” It confirms what he believes---that it has to be possible to manipulate time---and drives him forward. He wonders about the source that this thing is a splinter of. He’s also wondering if the Academy’s project is one and the same. “Time travel is good. It definitely does not endanger present reality.”

“What is Talks Machina, Brian?”

Brian: “We have to put a stop to this.”

Sam: “On the surface, Nott noticed that Caleb mentioned Astrid and probably just thinks that it would be nice to have a young lady in his life.” Dani: “I called your ex-girlfriend the other day, and we’re having lunch.” Sam: “I hear she’s a doctor...” Liam: “I’m tired of coming over to these dinners, ma.” Sam: “I hear the wizard down the street got married...”

Liam on Astrid: “That would be bad stuff. Bad news. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but it’s complicated.” Sam: “Astrid has got to be either super bad guy now, super dead, or something else we don’t know about.” Liam: “One of the many things Caleb wonders about every night before he goes to sleep, about both his friends. He doesn’t know. It’s been 16 years since he saw them last.” He’s 33 now. The fire happened when he was about 16, he was in the asylum for 11-ish years, and then he was traveling on his own for about five.

Nott worries about Caleb “about the same” in battle, but she’s definitely noticing the others stepping up, especially Beau, to watch out for and protect him. Sam points out that Liam’s strategy has been excellent lately to keep Caleb out of danger. “Nott always has an eye on Caleb, and Sam always has an eye on Caleb.” Liam: “That’s what Vax did. I would override common sense consciously because I thought it was in-character.” He still has to suppress his first instinct to have Caleb fling himself into danger for his friends.

On the surface, Caleb knows it’s not a good thing for Nott to be so affectionate toward him, but deep down, Caleb really appreciates Nott’s affection. “With Beau, there’s no affection, but he feels like he should be called an asshole and a shit, and he feels like he deserves it. It will keep him sharpened and on task.” He likes, on an unconscious level, what he gets from both of them for different reasons.

Which pet does Nott want to eat first? The weasel. Definitely. Sam ventures a theory that the pets represented the members of Vox Machina. The truth is out there, Sam.

To Caleb, it felt a bit wrong to turn his back on the Empire given everything that’s happening right now and everything that has to happen there in the future.

Talks Machina: After Dark: When It Gets Dirty (Big Dick Peanut Butter Energy)

Liam brings out both his Speak-n-Spell voice and his ~Cuddlefish~ voice. He also does a Nott impression. Sam: “You sound like Miss Piggy on acid.”

Nott’s not looking forward to the beach. Caleb’s interested in the beach in a Death in Venice kind of way. Brian ventures a guess that they’re going to discover that Caleb’s just inexplicably super ripped.

What tricks do they want to teach the pets? Liam: “Maybe ‘Die Instead Of Me’.”

Does Beau secretly have a gooey center? Sam and Liam, in unison: “Ask Keg.”

Nott feels safe with the M9 around, not because they protect her, but because they protect each other. “She’s always relied on Caleb for protection, and now I think she’s relieved more than surprised that she doesn’t have to put that burden on Caleb, or each other. That they have a support group of people that can help them and keep them out of danger.”

Nott expects Jester’s mom to be a “real sweet, fine, fancy lady.” Liam: “Caleb had good parents, and everything that Jester describes does not sound great to him.” He doesn’t say anything to her about it because he doesn’t feel like he can give advice. Dani: “My parents that I killed were awesome. As a child of great parents, that I murdered...”  He keeps asking about her childhood, and he’s fond of her, so he’s dismayed about what he hears, but he feels like he can’t say anything about it.

Liam: "My least favorite thing about Sam is how much of a fucking food snob he and his wife are. It’s unbearable, mostly because I want the food.” Sam: “The thing that I love most about Liam is that he’s a gentle love, but he’s a kind soul. He wants to help people. But he can’t because he’s too busy.” Liam: “True, true, true. What I like about Sam is he’s the living embodiment of Shakespeare’s Fools. He’s seemingly a buffoon, but if you know him well, you know that there’s no end to the depth and soul of his character. He is skating on talent and wit.”

Liam: “I don’t know how cameras work.”