#we've been through this too many times not to realize she does this every single time no matter how gently or calmly i bring up an issue
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realizing my s/o might be a covert narcissist 🙃
#dear diary#she's been ignoring me for 5 days bc she didn't like that i voiced being hurt over something she did#only sent me one message that implied she was spiraling mentally and our argument had caused it#hasn't replied to anything i've sent since#and the thing is#i would have been panicked and apologizing and groveling if this were 3/4 years ago#but now she's done this so many times that i'm just tired#like#i can't even get angry anymore#i don't feel guilty like i used to even though there's a part of me that wants to believe this is my fault and i should have just said noth#but no#we've been through this too many times not to realize she does this every single time no matter how gently or calmly i bring up an issue#like “oh yeah so you picked the movie we watched last time so this time is my turn”#and she pouts and sighs and basically acts like it's the end of the world and passive-aggressively says she wants to watch this other show#and like yeah i'm usually down to compromise and give in and let her decide but i do that all the time#and she never does for me#so i was firm and said i really wanted to watch this particular movies#i'd had it in mind in particular because it was the holidays and a christmas movie and i'd been looking forward to watching it with her#and even told her so and she acted so enthusiastic#but then it's time to watch it and she guilts and emotionally beats me down into picking what she wants#and she does this with so many things#and acts like a victim if i'm firm or say no or just try to disengage from the situation or i calmly disagree#and especially if i bring up instances where this has happened before ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE#she gets defensive and lies and victimizes herself and tells me i'm overreacting and i have no idea how hard things are for HER#so why can't i just shut up and do things the way she wants to???#and then i end up feeling like i'm going crazy and getting defensive myself because she does this so much that i'm immediately tense#and trying to both be firm in how i feel but calm her emotions and her reactions#but she claims i'm the one being aggressive or being mean to her and “ruining our fun” because i'm not sugarcoating things
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Omega is not okay
I know we've all been over the moon about Crosshair and Hunter's dynamic in The Return, but I want to draw some attention to Omega in this episode, and something that I think Joel Aron is trying to draw attention to with his lighting choices.
Omega is not okay.
Joel has made pointed out many times that he loves doing reveal lighting (think the overhead light in Crosshair's cell or on the freighter at the end of A Different Approach giving him a halo, or how Hunter stops short of the overhead light on the Marauder before stepping out to greet Omega). And throughout this whole episode, the light is breaking over Crosshair and bathing him in warmth more and more. He is slowly returning the light and coming home to his family.
Omega, however, in nearly every single scene in this episode, is in shadow.
Yes, her hairstyle is contributing to the fall of light on her face, and yes, she has her hat on while they're on Barton IV. But this is showing that her psychological state since they escaped Tantiss is uneasy, at best, and very conflicted and darkened, at worst. Even when she wakes up in the comfort and safety of the Marauder, she is shrouded in shadow. And even in scenes where the light wraps around and highlights Crosshair's face, Omega's is kept harshly defined, and she is often looking away from the "camera".
Even when we see her somewhat happier at points in this episode, usually due to watching her brothers reconnect, her face is not as well lit as theirs.
Omega kept her positivity and optimism at the forefront while she and Crosshair were in prison, and throughout most of their escape. It's what we most associate with her--being a ray of sunshine and encouragement for those around her. Now, however, she has the opportunity to relax a bit, for the adults to be handling certain things, and the trauma and perspective shift that she has just gone through is coming to the forefront.
Her survivors guilt, her shock at not being the only female clone, her confusion and questions over who she is and why she is so important, the cruelty she's seen Hemlock be capable of, and her continued empathy for anyone who is suffering is all swirling around in her in ways that she doesn't know what to do with yet. Yes, she has seen much suffering in the galaxy already in her short life, and has always been adamant about her need to help others. But ultimately it had never impacted her like this. Until now.
Crosshair has been broken and remade by his experiences. Omega is being broken and remade by hers as well. And I'm not sure the boys fully realize just how much yet.
Omega refuses to be left behind. She feels responsible for the fact that the rest of the clones are still on Tantiss. She feels guilty that she could have a chance at a life still and they don't. She feels an all-encompassing need to help them if she can, even though she is still young and vulnerable. This is ultimately going to conflict with Hunter's desires to keep her safe and hidden. Echo has already chosen the fight. Wrecker is willing to go wherever he's needed. Crosshair has been through too much to not be willing to fight back however necessary.
Hunter is going to eventually realize that while Omega is still a child, and does need to be protected, at the same time, her own sense of responsibility is going to eventually supersede his desires.
Echo and Crosshair especially will be able to understand some of what she is feeling and hopefully help guide her through it. Hopefully, Omega will be able to reconcile who she is, what she is capable of, and what is outside of her ability to fix, sooner rather than later. But it's safe to say she will never be the same after this. At least she has a little bit of reprieve before facing whatever is next.
#the bad batch#tbb#star wars#the bad batch spoilers#tbb spoilers#omega#omega bad batch#tbb omega#the return#tbb season 3#the bad batch season 3#the bad batch season 3 spoilers#tbb season 3 spoilers#some light edits#somelightedits#somelightramblings#some light ramblings
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alright so the main reason i wanted to make this blog; those new Wind Archer trailers.
I already had a lot to say about the first one, for... One big reason.
The fact we're going to the laboratorium is pretty exciting, but I did not expect for us to already catch a glimpse of the Ultimate Cookie. In fact, I had almost forgotten about that; I thought Matcha making MyCookie was more of a byproduct of the Beast cookies needing bodies to inhabit, but...
Well, I guess Dark Enchantress's original ambitions haven't left her. And she's really, really close to realizing her dreams; the dreams she carries on from White Lily Cookie.
It really makes me wonder how White Lily would react to these developments. To see her dreams realized, every bit as horrifying as she most likely knew they'd be, carried on by a part of herself. I really, really wanna see where they go with this.
On another note...
sorry, i just much prefer his Japanese VA HE'S BAAAAAAAACKKKKK~
You have... No idea how frustrated I was to see that the first Beast cookie to release was Mystic Flour and not him. And while it's not guaranteed we'll get him this time, either (even if i really hope we do)... Come on, it's just nice to have him back. He's a really, really fun antagonist. Sometimes, when all your antagonists have complex motives, believing that despite everything they've done, ultimately they're the ones in the right (with even Dark Enchantress only committing as much harm as she has as a response to the revelation that the world, on a fundamental level, was seemingly much more cruel, uncaring and pointless than she had ever thought; a desperate need to make a difference, no matter how many lives and pain it takes), it's incredibly nice to have that one villain, that one villain who doesn't try to find an excuse for what they do, having fun, not believing that they're doing everything that they do for some greater motive, but just to have fun, to make the entire world one big, brightly burning play area for them to toy with as long as they want, however they want. I love Shadow Milk, because he perfectly offsets the usual monologuing, self-righteous villainy we tend to see (And often enjoy, don't get me wrong, both Dark Enchantress and Mystic Flour have grown one me) with just pure, uncaring, show-stopping villainy for the sake of villainy.
He's manipulative, playful, silly, over the top, more concerned with putting on a show first and foremost than actually accomplishing his objectives; because you and I both know that he knows that he could probably just brute force his way into getting his soul jam back, into taking down the heroes without any opportunity for them to do anything about it. If he wanted to, he could very, very easily create an unwinnable scenario. But he doesn't. Because that's no fun.
And I absolutely adore him for it. Every single scene he's in is an absolute delight.
... Right, uh. Wind Archer.
I'm excited for him! It's been a while since we've gotten any Ovenbreak legendaries, and with Wind Archer in the game, it means we're likely very close to seeing Fire Spirit and Millennial Tree (Both pretty big faves for me, though Millie is the one that does unholy things to my brain just from looking at him). And honestly, this feels like a really, really good use for him! No beating around the bush, no overcomplicating anything, just going straight to the point and trying to stop the current threat at its root. He's going to fail, obviously. Even if he takes out the ultimate cookie, chances are it can just be rebuilt, and the beasts on an individual level would be way too much for him to handle. And with Shadow Milk having awoken... Yeah, he stands just about no chance. But, it will be very fun to see, methinks. It's also just a pretty natural fit; a protector of nature that hunts down anything that may disturb or corrupt said nature being sent to strike down what's pretty much a threat that's entirely artificial, unnatural, bodies made through forbidden, arcane magic and ethically dubious means, stumbling upon the culmination of someone's ambitions to create perfect life by artificial means. It works out really, really well, methinks.
But yeah that's my thoughts so far on the 2 Wind Archer update trailers, I'm actually really excited for where they're gonna take this, we've actually got some good plot progression going on and a lot of interesting writing ideas that while I don't fully trust the devs to execute perfectly, I do still really like and feel pretty hopeful for!
... Now just give me Shadow Milk and Millennial Tree and my life is yours. And Lychee, maybe. That one might take a bit. how are they even gonna do Longan in Kingdom. that's... quite a lot to try to adapt without either rehashing content or completely hijacking the plot. god i hope this doesn't mean they'll just stop at Lotus. I miss my dragons. Except not really because OB has been doing some good stuff with them.
Sorry for the really long post, but I wanted to dump some thoughts and have a sort of primer for the kinda stuff I wanna make for this blog.
Oh, and expect some shitposts along the way, too.
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I really enjoy your blog and thought you were the best person to come to for two questions I have that stem from a genuine desire to learn. I don't intend this to be inciting, I just honestly don't know the answers (or if there even are answers).
In the fandom, racism is discussed through a verity of lenses (as any important, impactful topic should be), but one lens I don't quite understand is comparing different experiences with more empathy (not sympathy) for one than the other. You've likely figured out I'm referring to Louis and Armand. The conversations and analysis around their respective experiences as minorities in every space they inhabit seem to often lead to what I see is akin to a "trauma competition." Please bear with me as I am truly trying to understand.
Question 1: Both Claudia and Louis have experienced early 20th century American racism and mid-20th century European racism and Armand has not. Armand has experienced 16th-20th century European racism, not 20th century American racism. Do those experiences have to be "pitted" against one another? Could viewers not learn just as much by comparing them and respecting each as their own?
Question 2: Do you think that the tendency of some viewers to lean into "Louis had it worse, Claudia had it worse, Armand had it worse" analysis is because the show runners did not not account for some of the resulting complexities of changing characters' race for their adaptation? No one can account for every eventuality, but I have read posts that rightly criticize some aspects of the narrative/plot points which were not changed from the books (and those scenes involved two privileged white men). So the ramifications of not adapting some aspects of the story itself makes the series problematic in ways that could have been avoided? In your opinion, is that just carelessness on the part of the show runners or is it intentional so that the show has more nuance for us to analyze?
Thank you for taking the time to read this insanely long ask even if you don't answer publicly. I appreciate that your inbox is open. I love reading your and your anon's takes on this fandom and the AMC adaptation as well.
hi and thank u!
Q1: if u haven't seen this post yet, I think this will help explain a lot of what ur asking here.
racial tensions are always going to exist and u will never get a single answer on the "best" approach. listen to as many perspectives as u can and absorb it all. for what ur asking here too, about louis and armand, it's a combination of their personal histories as well as who they are in the stories, what they're doing, *and* how the fandom is treating them.
antiblackness is so normalized worldwide and that's a lot of the struggle here with louis and claudia when compared to anyone else. black ppl never get to be seen as victims. so u have louis and claudia being abused nonstop but ppl are quick to remind u how they're "not innocent either." ppl also come down harder on claudia bcuz she's a black girl/woman and misogynoir is its own whole thing.
armand has his own history and is a brown man, but he's a man who does have privilege in ways over louis and is shown abusing him with it too. it doesn't mean his history is erased. but the fandom will defend (white) lestat first, then (brown) armand second, and....never really defend louis (or claudia).....despite them being the only ones we've seen abused on screen so far. so it's not rly about pitting anyone against each other as it is acknowledging who has the privilege across all these spaces and knowing why that is too.
ppl mainly need to realize that power dynamics exist in everything and will shift according to whatever players are present. acknowledging privilege and understanding what that word rly means goes a long way. I think that word confuses ppl a lot bcuz it makes them think of a v wealthy person with all needs met who never suffers. it doesn't mean that tho. it just means how much do u have to worry about in ur daily life vs the person next to u. white ppl don't have to think about being white bcuz whiteness is acceptable everywhere. straight ppl don't have to think about sexuality bc heteronormativity is accepted everywhere. the more privilege u have, the less u will be able to see it bcuz u never have to think about it. that's what makes white privilege so hard to talk about in the first place, nevermind anything after that.
(anyone else can elaborate on this too, idk if I explained this the best)
Q2: if u have examples of the plot points or scenes ur meaning here, that would help. idk how to answer this as broadly as ur asking bcuz it's p dependent on what's being depicted. I overall think they considered a lot about the race changes tho and have incorporated that rly well into nearly everything about the show.
#asks#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire amc#iwtv amc#amc iwtv#iwtv 2022#louis de pointe du lac#iwtv claudia#armand#racism#antiblackness#misogynoir#abuse
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Black hole destroys star, goes after another
A massive black hole has torn apart one star and is now using that stellar wreckage to pummel another star or smaller black hole that used to be in the clear.
This discovery, made with NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, Hubble Space Telescope, NICER (Neutron Star Interior Composition Explorer), Neil Gehrels Swift Observatory, and other telescopes, helps astronomers link two mysteries where there had previously only been hints of a connection. The study is published in the journal Nature.
In 2019, astronomers witnessed the signal of a star that got too close to a black hole and was destroyed by the black hole's gravitational forces. Once shredded, the star's remains form a disk that circles around the black hole, like a type of stellar graveyard.
Over a few years, however, this disk has expanded outward and is now directly in the path of another star, or possibly a stellar-mass black hole, orbiting the massive black hole at a previously safe distance. This orbiting star is now repeatedly crashing through the debris disk, about once every 48 hours, as it circles. When it does, the collision causes bursts of X-rays that astronomers captured with Chandra.
"Imagine a diver repeatedly going into a pool and creating a splash every time she enters the water," said Matt Nicholl of Queen's University Belfast, United Kingdom, the lead author of the study. "The star in this comparison is like the diver and the disk is the pool, and each time the star strikes the surface it creates a huge 'splash' of gas and X-rays. As the star orbits around the black hole, it does this over and over again."
Scientists have documented many cases where an object gets too close to a black hole and gets torn apart in a single burst of light. Astronomers call these "tidal disruption events."
In recent years, astronomers have also discovered a new class of bright flashes from the centers of galaxies, which are detected only in X-rays and repeat many times. These events are also connected to supermassive black holes, but astronomers could not explain what caused the semi-regular bursts of X-rays. They dubbed these "quasi-periodic eruptions."
"There had been feverish speculation that these phenomena were connected, and now we've discovered the proof that they are," said co-author Dheeraj Pasham of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "It's like getting a cosmic two-for-one in terms of solving mysteries."
This tidal disruption event now known as AT2019qiz was first discovered by a wide-field optical telescope at the Palomar Observatory, called the Zwicky Transient Facility, in 2019. In 2023, astronomers used both Chandra and Hubble to study the debris left behind after the tidal disruption had ended.
The Chandra data was obtained during three different observations, each separated by about 4 to 5 hours. The total exposure of about 14 hours of Chandra time revealed only a weak signal in the first and last chunk, but a very strong signal in the middle observation.
From there, Nicholl and his colleagues used NICER to look frequently at AT2019qiz for repeated X-ray bursts. The NICER data showed that AT2019qiz erupts roughly every 48 hours. Observations from Swift and India's AstroSat telescope cemented the finding.
The ultraviolet data from Hubble, obtained at the same time as the Chandra observations, allowed the scientists to determine the size of the disk around the supermassive black hole. They found that the disk had become large enough that if any object was orbiting the black hole with a period of about a week or less, it would collide with the disk and cause eruptions.
"This is a big breakthrough in our understanding of the origin of these regular eruptions," said Andrew Mummery of Oxford University. "We now realize we need to wait a few years for the eruptions to 'turn on' after a star has been torn apart because it takes some time for the disk to spread out far enough to encounter another star."
This result has implications for searching for more quasi-periodic eruptions associated with tidal disruptions. Finding more of these would allow astronomers to measure the prevalence and distances of objects in close orbits around supermassive black holes. Some of these may be excellent targets for the planned future gravitational wave observatories.
NASA's missions are part of a growing, worldwide network of missions with different but complementary capabilities, watching for changes like these to solve mysteries of how the universe works.
IMAGE: Credit: X-ray: NASA/CXC/Queen's Univ. Belfast/M. Nicholl et al.; Optical/IR: PanSTARRS, NSF/Legacy Survey/SDSS; Illustration: Soheb Mandhai / The Astro Phoenix; Image Processing: NASA/CXC/SAO/N
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"it should hopefully buy us a bit more time." 👀? this is not the first time (ha!) that the idea of 'buying time' has come up this season. just food for thought.
may bringing her boyfriend darius by as a surprise, her parents not knowing who to expect, thinking she was bringing a friend or a roommate but instead she brought her partner.
"no, this is all wrong. you've got Schipp International sitting next to ZenithPro. / the donors are seated exactly as you asked, sir. i wrote down all your instructions verbatim. / welp, you must have heard wrong. we all make mistakes, just put RevitaThon next to Post-Everest and we should be fine." schipp/ship, right by zenith? the seating charts being wrong and needing tweaking. revitathon- like, revived, revitalized, rescued, brought back, made new again next to POST-EVEREST. as in, just beyond the mountain peak. or, in storytelling terms, the climax. the ship (buddie) can't be at its zenith (peak, glory days, its brightest) just yet. just move the buddie comeback/revival to right after the big plot climax and we should be fine. Y'ALL. THIS IS IT. especially after that very loaded dialogue from karen in tomorrow, about the programmers "finding the exact right series of maneuvers to make the robots do exactly what we want them to do" and "we need to make sure every single piece of this mission is in perfect shape to give it the best chance of success."
"what are you waiting for? just fix it." us, lol!
"i fantasied about it so many times, you have no idea. but this time i think my subconscious actually made it happen." manifestingggggg
"i'm just saying, i thought we were past the whole keeping secrets phase."
"sometimes talking about your dreams makes it seem all too real. sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality." this paired with earlier lines from animal instincts, "probably knew it'd make for a good cover. smart kid" and "sometimes half the thrill is thinking you're getting away with it." y'all.
"no idea. he's not spilling, i don't feel like pushing."
"i can't believe we're doing this. i know. we're finally about to live our fantasy. this is gonna be so much better than a plane. everybody does a plane. this is legend." you Cannot tell me these lines aren't the writers getting hyped about being able to say they made buddie happen, how groundbreaking it would be. this happening, overhead but hidden and out of sight, while the firefam talks about first kisses? and secret crushes? and said first kisses making you realize you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, and ignoring the perfectly good option that was right under your nose, because you'd just never considered it before? yeah, no, this was loud. especially combined with a line from earlier this season that was something like "we've been working on this mission for five years now. if we don't do something big, we'll get left behind."
"that sounds traumatizing. / illuminating, actually. i realized i was kissing the wrong suarez. his sister martina was more my speed." just like how eddie was originally written for the girl buckley sibling, but the writers + jen realized her brother buck was more his speed?
"i don't know why i tell you guys anything."
"keep young people too distracted to see what's really there." i'm incredibly iffy/hesitant on including this one, considering who said it 😬😬😬😬😬 i highly doubt it's foreshadowing, and that scene/plot was about may & darius & athena, and important social commentary on incels, above all else. i only mention this line bc when i was going through the script it reminded me that there's been a general theme so far this season in terms of weird one-off dialogue lines referring to buying time, element of surprise, paying attention, distractions, secrets, etc. i don't think it's all a coincidence, not with this show. not when the season pilot was literally titled "let the games begin." nope.
"listen, may, fantasy or not, there's no room for error in these situations."
"great. so we lost the element of surprise, too." you guys i cannot begin to explain how much this made me go 👀🚨🛑🧨⁉️ ESPECIALLY after an earlier dialogue line this season where maddie said "you just learned how the element of surprise can shift a listeners focus and make them pay attention"
"he knows that his options are running out real soon."
"-roll cold. no lights, no sirens." secrecy, and element of surprise, AGAIN
"i understand. not everyone's built for my pace." not everyone's willing to stay tuned for this slow of a burn, and i think they get that, but they're not willing to compromise on their storytelling and rush things just to satisfy the audience. this is a good thing!
"so how long are we gonna be able to convince ourselves that this is a sustainable way to live? / as long as we need to. when the right dream house presents itself, we'll know. but in the meantime, this is a pretty great fantasy, too." LMFAO this one is pretty self explanatory. when the time comes, we'll know, but in the meantime this is still a good story. this is especially juicy paired with all the back and forth re: buck, and happiness, and when you're "truly at ease," you'll know.
"so how long do you plan on standing guard out here? just until they get inside."
"all those milestones start to seem like a stupid fantasy. / looks like that fantasy's turning into a reality. how's that feel? / pretty damn good." you guys. it's happening.
"bobby: with everything may and darius have been through, i don't mind waiting for dinner, but how much longer? (does this not sound like us, talking about buddie and the shooting and the will?) athena: i think they're almost done." (‼️‼️‼️)
"there is nothing quite like being young and in love. or just in love." we ended the episode on "in-love". and not young love, either- stable, mature, deep, true, adult love. hm.
all this, in one episode. y'all this ep was fucking loud.
#it's coming and it's going to be soon and it's going to be when we least expect it#911#911 meta#911 spec#911 speculation#buddie
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This is kind of what I'm talking about. Tolerance and love are fine for a world where people can get along. This person? They are saying they take accountability for their actions. Except, how does one be accountable for actions taken when they don't even UNDERSTAND what they are doing?
And that will always be my point. EVEN JUST ONE detransitioner is too many. Many people when they start to transition, they give up so much while having NO IDEA what they are giving up. The ability to have kids. The ability to have functioning man hood. The ability do get taller. The ability for proper brain development. Even the ability to become more masculine or feminine depending on how far down the line of transitioning you get.
Big Pharma, and the larger Medical apparatus of cosmetic surgeons.....you are nothing but more money in their pockets. And what's worse is even if you can't pay them, the government will. THEY HAVE ZERO reason to tell you that you are not trans. Why? Because once you start on that route they have a customer for life. Though often they don't because most people that transition are not trans. They are depressed and don't know what to do.
They don't feel like themselves. And often during puberty YOU DON'T FEEL like yourself. Because you are still becoming who you are going to be. Contrary to the narrative pushed, a lot of "trans" people don't commit suicide because the world isn't accepting enough. They do it because the are depressed and in need of help. And rather than get help, they get told that the root of their depression is because of "gender". SO, not only are they not getting mental health help, they are being rushed onto blockers, CSHs, and sex change operations.
The reason I know this is because I know trans people in my own life. Ones who've been like that as long as I've known them. And they've done the proper thing in their lives which is social transitioning, but only after 2-3 years of psychological evaluations to be sure that is what it is. Then between the ages of 19-21 that's around the time doctors suggest surgery.
Doctors now? No they just want the extra money. And why risk activists protesting outside of their hospital or practice. When they can just be like, "Yep, you're my patient for life now, and if I make the responsible decision and say no, not only am I not getting more money, but I'm also going to end up with bricks through my place of business. Let's just cut parts off kids, remove their ability to procreate at all, and destroy their ability to have normal lives if/when they realize that this is not what they wanted......BUT I GUESS more money for me."
My take on this is actually a sane one. If your take on this is let KIDS take drugs to halt development, or to give them life altering surgeries before the age of 17-18 you are the lunatic. It's not transphobic to want people to be safe. And that video above? People like him will go on to pass actual legislation that will fuck trans people. And they will do it out of spite. You keep saying it's not happening. AND IT KEEPS FUCKING HAPPENING! Feels like there is a dozen new cases every single day. And all for what? So potentially 2% of the global population can be lifelong benefactors of Big Medical and Big Pharma?
If that's what you want you do it. But stop pretending that no one is being pressured into it. We see you. We KNOW you do it. We've seen the lives it's destroyed. And you don't seem to care. Actually, I know you don't care. Because I've seen detransitioners be called transphobes for actually going through the process of walking back everything they can, when often it's not enough because it was done early as possible so they never could go back.
If anything, I'd say you get pleasure from it. Watching and looking at all the lives that will be decimated by the bullshit you push.
AND FUCK! Look how long this post is. One of MY FRIENDS almost got her breasts removed because of you stupid, narcissistic, fucks convinced her she was trans. When she never has been and never will be. Now she's had to get laser hair removal on her arms and cheeks. So I take this personally. Because she almost killed herself.
And lastly. Stop pretending your "science" is settled. It's not. Not when all the studies are coming out of for profit orgs and activist groups. As well as hospitals that have a LOT to gain from lying to you. And you will pay for the rest of your life with all the medical procedures you go through, and all the chemicals you take. Because it WILL be for the rest of your life. And stop pretending that blockers are reversible. They are not. Your body is made to go through puberty at a certain rate. When you suppress it outright? It doesn't just "Make up for lost time". Any puberty you miss is gone. And what does puberty do exactly?
Well let's see:
Develops bone density
Helps with brain development
Helps in immune health development
Growth of sex organs
Helps with hair growth
Helps with weight gain or weight loss depending on your size
Develops your height
Develops you ability to have kids
Develops your ability or non ability to grow body hair *which is needed for your hygienic health in some instances.
Basically, things your body needs to go through for you to reach adult hood. A metric that will not change even on CSH's after adolescents. Your changes will be drastic, but you will never be the opposite sex. Your body was not meant to be the opposite sex. As such, it makes sense that there will also be accompanying medial issues that can come up. And often do.
Listen to me and understand this. Trans activists are not your friend. You are a pawn to them. And if the day ever comes that you decide it is not for you, they will either shame you into continuing, or they will drop you like a sack of bricks and proclaim to all their activist buddies that you are a transphobe. Because it's not about peoples health. It's about power. And power often over KIDS.
Hell, on of the Orgs most involved in all of this is led by a man that's in a group who get off to the genital mutilation of little boys. Eunuchs and others that want to see it done or do it themselves. If you take anything from this, please realize this. You will be lied to by these people. They WILL tell you that it is a simple process, that it's very basic, and that things will be 100% ok because you totally are old enough to realize what the risks are. But if that is really the thought process ask this. Why are you not old enough to vote? Why are you not old enough to consent? Why are you not old enough to Drink or smoke? If you can't do any of that, so why are you allowed to make a choice that will alter your entire life, and make you a bitch to medical companies for the rest of your life, and also take away your ability to have your own family?
We can't even get transplants right every single time and you want shit added to you or cut off fully? What's even funnier, (not haha funny) is the fact that you will not enjoy sex the way you would if you had developed properly. So just consider that too. There is a reason we let parents decide on medical procedures for their kids. Too bad that it's also leading to parents being scared to push back on these delusions most of the time. And even more scared that if they DON'T affirm the delusions that their kid will do what the one in the video did. Run away, and have the state do it for them, using MY tax dollars, and then burning the bridges to their own parents.
And why? Because predators want you away from your parents. They will say things like, "Your parents will never understand you", "You need this, if they say no just call CPS", "I care about you, even if they start hating you, you should trust me", "I can't wait to see how you look once you start blockers", "I promise I get you, no one else does they are just bigots".
THOSE LINES, if coming from adults, to minors online, should be red flags that you need to pay attention to. You are being groomed. You are just too ignorant to realize it. You might be smart for a younger person but you are uneducated, impulsive, and know little compared to someone much older than you are. If adults are trying to convince you to do medical procedures to yourself, or find off the counter drugs, please understand that you are the prey to a predator. And if you and your friends are on TikTok? Same thing. It's just that rather than grooming you 1 on 1, they do it in mass to 1000's of you a day.
And it's the new norm. It's the new trend. After all, being cis is boring and bad right? Being trans is actually good and brave.
If you believe this bullshit I'm sorry but good luck with your life. Transitions are life altering processes, that when done correctly address your mental health first and foremost. It will be a process in which you face pushback from a certified mental health doctor. If the doctor doesn't push back, and affirms you, find a new doctor. Pushback is a needed method to understand how you fight the pushback, as well as understand where the pushback is coming from. Then after 2-3 years of proper therapy, if the doctor and you are both on the same page, and they believe that the best thing for you is to transition, they will write you a note so that you can start the process. But they will likely start by having you live your life as the opposite sex, and document your progress, as well as how you fit in with others during this process. After 1-3 years of this, they will start you on blockers, long enough to put you on CSH's. It is at this point where you will start having changes in your body that will (again if the doctor deems it needed) decide if you indeed need to surgically transition. And they will be there for you through the whole thing. Mostly to keep tabs on your mental health during the whole process. And they will make sure you stay checked in with them multiple times a year, mostly to be sure that this WAS the right call.
If this process is not followed almost to the T you are being played and used. I've been called Transphobic before for stuff like this but unlike most of you that call me that I actually care about Trans people. Much more than you. I care about people in general. But I'm not going to indulge in delusion. I'm not going to indulge in the idea that kids can just have stuff cut off, and their ability to have kids REMOVED before they are even old enough to even have consenting sex. Before they are even old enough to understand what a man or a woman even is. And you can only learn it by experiencing it for yourself. No movie can tell you what it is. No actor or media pundit can tell you what it is. No youtuber or TikTok star can tell you what it is. You have to learn that on your own.
Please be safe. And please understand, if you are young, you probably think you know everything in the world and you know better than everyone else. I know because I felt the same at that age. And I promise you are wrong. Don't ruin your life before it starts. Take your time and learn. Realize that what you see as "masculine" or "feminine" is not universal. And it doesn't have to be.
Boys, if you don't feel masculine enough that's fine. It doesn't mean that you are secretly a girl. It probably just means you don't hold the same metric of masculinity as your peers. And that's ok. Are you a little "girly" or feminine? Ok, maybe you are just gender non conforming. Maybe you are Gay. Which is more than fine. If you are gay then just be gay. Maybe you are a feminine gay power bottom. That's perfectly fine.
Girls, listen. Instagram is not the metric for what is "pretty" or "sexy" or "feminine". You can set that standard on your own. Do you want to wear shorts and an oversized Tee shirt? Fucking do it. If people complain you are not girly enough tell them you are feminine in your own way. And just like the boys, you can be gender non conforming. There is zero wrong with that. Maybe you want to be a pretty little princess. OR maybe you want to put on a suit of armor and charge down the depths of Baulders Gate. Maybe you are a Lesbian. Maybe, just maybe you are a butch lesbian that takes a more, "masculine" role in the relationship. You can still be a girl and do that. Maybe you are just shy and don't like super "pretty" things. That's fine.
All I'm saying is. It's ok to be you. And you don't have to take drugs, and go though surgery to be what you are. Some people may have to. And for those of you that do, go through the proper channels. Go through the full process. Do the best you can for you and no one else. And make sure no shrinks, or doctors are taking you for a ride. If you promise them free money, they will take it. And they will not care about the end result. People are self centered and greedy. Just remember that.
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Since Lottie is Cherie coded, I would like to request a HC where Anthony is lowkey crushing on her but she's just too fucking oblivious because she's nice to everyone and he's Ben's brother! Of course I like him! I like Eloise and Colin as well!
So Anthony is kinda dying inside each time Whistledown describes her as a possible match for Benedict, but he refuses to ask his younger brother about it because No One Must Know He Has Feelings Ever, so he's just as confused as Clover while Benedict silently enjoys watching him squirm when Lottie is always around or Benedict goes to her place, or they immediately go out to promenade together and Holy shit he cannot do this another year.
Also imagine him snapping and telling Benedict to get his shit together when Clover is around and he thinks it hurts her feelings.
"You are a gentleman and a Bridgerton, begin acting like it Benedict."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"Charlotte" He's the only Bridgerton who calls her that, "you may carry on with your Ice Queen as you wish, but Charlotte is a good girl and deserves better than this humiliating display. If you've any honor you'll let her down gently and allow her to find a different match for herself."
"Oh, any suggestions?"
Just, Anthony being in love with his brother's best friend and she not even realizing it!!
ANON MY BELOVED I AM HUGGING YOU RESPECTFULLY-
This! THIS!
I have so so many ideas about this and I cannot thank you enough, I AM SO INSPIRED! 😍😍 This is such an amazing idea aaaaaa ILY!😍
I'm putting it under a read more because it will be loooong 😁❤️
Okay okay so first of all, I didn't even know I could ship them but I'm shipping them right now 😍
So Lottie would be absolutely clueless about Anthony's feelings for her for sure! 😂 I think only Benedict would see a glance here and there and would immediately ask him and Anthony would shut that down immediately, it's Lottie, they basically all grew up together so what's more normal than him keeping an eye on her and making conversation with her? 😏
Meanwhile, Clover is like all cute smiles and oblivious around him, even when he asks her to dance -which he claims he does it so that Whistledown will stop writing about her and Benedict- but makes sure to do that at every single ball 😏
"Charlotte" He's the only Bridgerton who calls her that, "you may carry on with your Ice Queen as you wish, but Charlotte is a good girl and deserves better than this humiliating display. If you've any honor you'll let her down gently and allow her to find a different match for herself." I CAN ALMOST HEAR THIS OMG 😍
Benedict would so see through him though😂 Like, he probably called him to his study to chide him about his behavior around Clover where Charlotte can see, and Benedict will turn that around only in a way a younger brother could do, because he would lean back and go like,
"What brought this on?"
"Can you honestly not see yourself? The way you are with that girl when Charlotte is around-"
"Charlie is happy for me. She managed to become friends with her, can you imagine that?"
"Yes. I don't think anyone could resist Charlotte."
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Being- being her friend, obviously. She's like uh... you know how she is."
"You could elaborate."
"I will not. If this courtship of yours-"
"There's no courtship between me and Charlie, we've been saying that for years now."
"Please, until your Ice Queen came along you two never spent a day apart."
"As friends! Charlie would never see me that way, nor would I see her such."
"Are you sure?"
"Very much so. That will put your heart at ease I'm sure."
"My heart remains unaffected by this Benedict, but Charlotte deserves better-"
"Mm absolutely. She deserves to be a viscountess I'd say."
"...What are you implying, exactly?"
"Charlie may be blind when it comes to your affections for her, but I am not."
"Benedict."
"What? Apparently you're among the people who cannot resist her, you may as well share it with me after all these years."
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Writing Analysis: River Song (Part One: Silence of the Library/Forest of the Dead)
[Note: Some time ago, when I decided to rewatch Doctor Who to catch up (which has been a while ago, I keep getting distracted lmao) I’ve had the idea to pay some close attention to how River Song’s character arc and storyline evolve throughout the show. Mainly out of personal interest (and also because I’m still working on a River/Doctor multichapter fanfiction), I’ve started taking some notes during her appearances to somewhat analyse her character and writing.
I’ve always found her writing quite interesting because a) she was written out of order, and b) she only appeared in a handful of episodes/stories. Yet, I still completely fell in love with her character (and her relationship with the Doctor), never feeling like she or her arc were not fully developed.
I have not really shared many analyses/interpretations/etc. for a while now (mainly because I’m not that active in most fandom spaces anymore cause … well, they can be rather exhausting), though I always enjoy it and told myself I will start sharing them more often, just in case someone is interested in reading them. This will obviously be in several parts (that I have not finished yet, so I don’t know how long this will take). I will also keep it quite general throughout (so this won't be a deep dive analysis of her) as the focus lays more on how her character and relationship with the Doctor evolve, rather than trying to analyse every single frame. ]
River’s character
This two-parter introduces us to her character and we already learn quite a lot about her. The episodes show that she is clearly smart and intelligent - besides the fact that she is an archeology professor, she also shows technical knowledge and can easily follow the Doctor’s thoughts and instructions. She has a mind of her own and can be quite stubborn as well – not signing Lux’s agreement, not listening to the Doctor when she believes him to be in the wrong, taking charge herself. On top of that, she also displays a lot of compassion: she cares about her team’s wellbeing, obviously about the Doctor too, and later sacrifices herself to save everyone else. Essentially, she clearly shows a lot of character traits you would usually see in the Doctor’s companions, and perhaps even beyond that, as she appears equal to the Doctor in both, intelligence and agency.
“Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here.”
This also introduces us to her theme of time (and time travel, obviously). She coins the term spoilers here, due to not being able to tell the Doctor anything about his future, despite his attempts to find out more. It also shows that she is responsible about time travel, as once she realizes the Doctor has never met her before, she tries to keep any possible spoilers to herself. She also prevents him from killing himself, keeping the timeline in tact (though this was probably majorly due to more selfish reasons, as she obviously did not want to eliminate their time together). This also makes her appear as rather mysterious, though I would not necessarily describe her as a generally secretive person, as she does not hide her emotions or thoughts as showcased by her conversations with and about the Doctor. She does not choose to be secretive, she simply has to be.
Relationship with the Doctor
“He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong. It arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me. And he looks at me - he looks right through me - and it shouldn't kill me, but it does.”
The nature of their relationship (at least out of River’s perspective at this point) becomes pretty clear throughout the story. Messaging him via his psychic paper, the conversations (or, I’d rather say monologues) she has with her team and Donna in regards to the Doctor as well as her death speech show the close connection she has with him. The slight flirting (specifically in the beginning of the first episode, before she realizes he does not know her yet) also let’s us know exactly what type of connection that is, as well as her heartbreak upon realizing he has not met her before.
In this context, we also get the theme of trust. The Doctor is clearly wary of her, and when she uses a screwdriver (which a future version of the Doctor has given to her) – while it shows us even more how close they would be in the future – it makes him even more suspicious of her. This then prompts River to tell him his name in order for him to trust her. With his name representing such a huge secret and mystery, it is clear now that she is someone extremely special to him, and it becomes clear to the Doctor as well, turning his caution into trust (to some extent, at least). It also creates an interesting relationship between Ten and River for the rest of the episode, as – while he does not know her yet – he is aware that she will be important to him in the future, in the end saving her for his future self’s sake.
“Doctor, one day I'm going to be someone that you trust, completely. But I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you. And I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry.“
Of course, the theme of time plays an important role in their relationship here as well. River’s diary, which consists of their future together, becomes a symbol for their relationship, not just in this story, but throughout their episodes. River breaking the spoilers-rule by telling the Doctor that she knows his true name lays the aforementioned basis of trust they would not otherwise have. The screwdriver – though we won’t see it again until River’s last episode – also turns into another symbol, allowing the Doctor through his future self to save her, initially creating a paradox. And then, of course, her death: the Doctor, being forced to watch her die, before even knowing her, represents – despite the otherwise somewhat (twisted) happy ending – the tragedy of their relationship.
Mystery
Now, for a good part of her storyline, the mystery surrounding her character and her relationship with the Doctor is also a prominent theme. I’ve decided to make this a separate category instead of a continuous theme, as it obviously does not occupy her entire storyline but it is an interesting aspect to look at, and see how – in terms of writing – that mystery evolves.
At this point, the mystery consists of only one question: who is she in relation to the Doctor? Of course, River’s interactions with him throughout this two-parter, her final speech and the knowledge of his name strongly hint at the fact that she is in a romantic relationship with him (or will be in the future, out of his perspective). It is never completely revealed, of course but made as apparent as it could be without directly stating it. So the mystery at this point is more whether we will see her again and see her story with the Doctor unfold or not.
Misc. thoughts
I find it quite interesting that the term ‘spoilers’ was first used at the beginning of this story by the Doctor and Donna. While later on, it definitely becomes River’s term (almost like a catchphrase) and is primarily centered around their relationship, at this point it was clearly meant as a theme for the episode that they later reused for River’s entire arc.
General/Final thoughts
What I believe to be very interesting about this two-parter is that, obviously, no one knew whether River would return or not, and as such, she is written like a one-time character. Thankfully, she returned for future episodes, but the story did not need further episodes to back up her character arc. She has been created and written for this story and was as such an already fleshed-out character as we finish the two-parter. And I believe that this really helped her character writing. Had they already known she would return, I have no doubt she would’ve been left rather ambiguous, to allow to shape her character more as the story progresses and to create a bigger mystery (as is done later). Her character arc is already well rounded at this point, and all of the future storylines essentially simply add onto that and use this story as a basis for her character, basically functioning as an outline for her future story arc.
#doctor who#river song#the doctor#the doctor x river song#tenth doctor#ep: silence in the library#ep: forest of the dead#analysis#interpretation#obviously feel free to share your own thoughts if you read this :)#tv#meta
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What Does Your Heart Look Like?
a guiding, golden light
Just because you cannot see your own heart doesn’t mean that others can’t. Your heart is blinding, captivating, a fire so bright that others can’t bring themselves to look away. It illuminates the path they follow and cements you as a guiding star for their own wayward hearts. Every experience you’ve lived through has built your lighthouse heart up just a little higher. You are inspirational, a light that doesn’t go out.
Well that's extremely poetic and flattering, but at its core, not inaccurate. Aly loves freely and intensely and without reservation, but she also knows what it's like to feel confused and lonely. Her desire to reach out and take a stranger's hand, walk with them awhile, is a big reason she has the dear friends she has today, and why the Compass even exists. Aly gave a tarot reading once that sort of distilled her thoughts on the matter.
"Everyone is looking for a guiding light at some point, possibly many points, and fortunately there are so many stars shining in the sky, friends and teachers and all the people we've met and loved along the way! Even if the sky is dark and overcast, though, we can look at ourselves and realize that, we're shining, too! and that the light we're looking for may be coming from us. And realizing you might have been helping someone else find their way? Well, what could make you glow brighter than that?...Besides maybe being on fire and I gotta tell ya, that's a mixed bag at best."
You can take the heart quiz here!
Tagging @sharp-cast-sharper-words, @remspeedwagon, @mpregnateyourocs, @fair-fae, @scarletdisciple, @ketripon, and anyone who even remotely wants to take a quiz. You don't even have to have a FFXIV character! Just do it for whatever OC or blorbo, and make sure to tag me so I see it.
Thanks for tagging me, @luck-and-larceny! Every once in a blue moon I actually complete a prompt but I appreciate reading and thinking about it every single time. 😸✨💕
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𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐂𝐨𝐧 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟓
Imagine: “Could I request a Daniel Gillies smut like they are both at the comic con(they are both in the originals) and he is teasing her while he answers a question ? Or makes fun with Joseph and he says some dirty things.” Requested by @elijahspersonalwifeyyy .
Pairing: Daniel Gillies x Reader
Warnings: Smut
Words:
Edited: Yes
A/N: I apologise @elijahspersonalwifeyyy for the incredibly long wait. I’ve had this lined up to post but with coursework and writing so much at the same time, it’s made it difficult but I refuse to quit. I’m not a quitter. I’m also not a person to announce a hiatus. Either way, hope you enjoyed ! There is a lot to read I know but we needed a build up and this is one of my favourite comic cons ever, I wanted to do the before hand scenes either way so. Don’t forget to check out my new story “On The Way” !
All of us at the current moment in time were stood backstage waiting to be called on. I couldn't tell you how irritated I was when I went on after Joseph and then Daniel followed. They were both irritating enough to me together anyway but they were in a particularly annoying mood today and I was not prepared for it.
“The man who will break your heart and then rip it out and then probably eat it. Joseph Morgan.”
The whole audience cheered as he walked on and he waved quite casually as he did.
“The women who brings all men to there knees but still can't find anything better to do than drink wine. Y/N Y/L/N”
I giggled as I walked out and I saw the audience screaming and Joseph giving me a mischievous look.
“The brother with a suit for every occasion. Daniel Gillies as Elijah.”
He walked out, threw me a quick smirk and blew a kiss to the audience as they screamed. He pulled his chair out and smiled at everyone.
“Nice jacket.”
“Yeah. Give it up for this jacket ! Huh ? Out of a suit and into a smoking hot jacket.”
“I know right, the one time he's not wearing a suit.”
“Thank you. It was actually a gift from Y/N.”
“Aw that’s super sweet Y/N.”
“Thank you. It was actually a gift for our anniversary.”
“Really ? How many years ?”
“Seven.”
“and very sweet.”
He called the rest of our costars out and we continued on with the panel.
After the host had started the panel with a question for Julie and Michael, it was now a group question for me, Joseph and Phoebe.
“Uh now going to the show, we've seen Klaus and Lily and Klaus and Hayley kind of trying the uh co-parenting thing and it did not really go so well as we all saw. How is Klaus going to be as a parent now that Hayley isn't around and Lily and Elijah have reconciled ?”
As soon as the question was asked, we all turned to Joseph.
“Uh you know, before he alienated his whole family by toasting Elijah's girlfriend, sleeping with his wife and and and cursing the women he thought he was in love with um Klaus survived under this sort of umbrella of Elijah's protection and forgiveness I suppose and so Elijah was always a voice of reason and Hayley was always there to battle it out with him. So, I would say badly. He's gonna do badly as a single parent you know and I think he knows he's kinda messing it up but he's trying. At least he's trying. You gotta give him that. Even if he's warping the minds of his two daughters, one before she's even uttered a syllable and the other before she get's old enough to realise that Klaus and Lily aren't actually together you know like she’s thought for years.”
“Geez. So uh how are are Lily, Elijah and Klaus going to tell her ? Who's going to be the one that does it or will they all do it together ?”
I decided to answer this questions, being more involved with the story line of my children.
“I think that Lily will have to be the one to tell her and whilst doing so will definitely have to be quite cautious when telling Sofia, you know not only because she's only 7 years old but also because she’s thought of Elijah as her Uncle her whole life- and although that hasn't changed it's still going to be difficult since this latest revelation is that, her Uncle Elijah that she adores oh so much is now also 'mommy's boyfriend' or in more formal terms her step-dad. So I think she's going to be confused and it might be quite difficult for her at first but I think she’s mature for her age and that she will understand quite quickly that, Mommy and Daddy aren't together and that despite realizing that her mom was married to her uncle I think she will quickly appreciate the fact we told her because of her understanding personality. “
Daniel quickly leaned forward and spoke before the host could ask another question.
“The moral of the story is, don't sleep with your husband's brother. Especially when not using protection and then deciding to get back together with your husband before trying to force him to sign the divorce papers.”
The whole room suddenly echoed with loud laughter and I couldn't stop giggling myself despite being offended for my character. I hit his arm playfully. He grinned at me and rested his hand on my leg as the room calmed down and he slouched back in his chair a little.
“Very true. So, I mean he can always just compel a few dozen nannies but he does have Elijah there to help him co-parent you know not just with Sofia but with Hope. I'm thinking like shared schedules, late night feedings...Whose doing what ?”
“It’s like we both wake up and the baby is crying and it's like, are you going to get her or am I ? Alright, I'll get her.”
“Yeah no it's gonna be me. I'm gonna do the graveyard shift, I know that all to well. But we gotta remember too, Lily and Freya are going to be doing a large share of the work.”
“Oh yeah, they can do it. There you go.”
I giggled and hit Joseph in the shoulder for the comment.
“Sexist.”
“No, come on. Lily's already been through this twice she knows’ what she's doing and Freya's Switzerland at this moment in time, I think for both of us to be in there...I’m gonna stop talking.”
We all chuckled at Daniel's comment.
*
“Now we're going to go to audience questions in just a little bit but first I wanted to do something fun. I know it's not the holiday's and I know we don't have a big ass bonfire in front of us but I thought it would be quite fun if everybody kinda thinks about a wish for their character for the future, just throw it in the imaginary bonfire.”
“Well, I'm a human....so I just want to stay alive.”
“Good answer.”
“Oh I forgot you weren't a character.”
“I have wishes for everybody but I don't have a character.”
“I do wish for Julie that Supernatural Judge Judy becomes her next spin off and Exploding Ovaries is the title of Daniel Gillies' next memoir.
“A wish for Hayley would be that Hope can live a normal, happy existence. I think would be what she would want the most.”
“That’s very sweet.”
“Thank you. That's it, I'm done.”
“Uh, I think for Elijah...I mean other than wishing that his girlfriend's wouldn't be incinerated or his wife doesn't sleep with his brother again...”
I giggled at Daniel's comment, despite his comment towards my character and spoke with Joseph, simultaneously.
“Oh, come on.”
“I'm not letting that one go easily. So, uh...I would wish for him. Oh man. I wish for him, I’m actually wishing for something dark, like I sort of would wish for...a great division between the brothers before reconciliation.”
“So that's how it's going to be.”
“So, my wish for Lily is um...to finally find that bloody fertility spell that she's been looking for, for centuries. So that her and Elijah can have children of their own which they want more than anything and move somewhere outside of New Orleans in a nice family home, away from the drama.”
“That’s very sweet.”
“Uh, I wish everyone would just do what Klaus says because he's always right. He knows what he's doing. It's for the greater good. Come on. Get on board with his plans. Everything will be alright in the end. Not everyone will be alright in the end but everything will be alright in the end. Right ?”
“Um, I wish Marcel would cross over. No.”
“I wish for more of your cleavage.”
I couldn't help but laugh a little when he says comments like that. Even though it wasn't directed at me, I knew the double meaning behind it. Daniel has not taken his eyes away from my chest today. That's what breast feeding does to you, I suppose. When Daniel picked my outfit this morning, I was glad. I was going to wear some leather pants and a red blouse with some heels but he somehow convinced me to wear a dress. God was I glad, I actually listened to him. It was hot in San Diego summer heat and I underestimated a little when I decided on leather pants.
“Yeah. We gonna get some dollar bills. Let's see some ones. Tryna make some money out here. Somebody, put on some Usher. Slow jam. Uh yeah...”
“I have a twenty. What can we get for a twenty ?”
“Break it up. Break it up.”
“Make it into ones and let's make it rain.”
“If I throw loose change at you, can I make it hail ?”
“Alright, moving on. Next subject.”
“Um, Davina is a witch and I think it would be really cool if she could fly. So, whether it's a broomstick or something else...I still think it would be really cool.”
“That’s a good one. Um, mines pretty selfish. I hate shaving, so I wish we could work something in so Vincent could have like a huge beard.”
“I changed my mind, I want superpowers as well. Three one foot long, retractable adamantine claws from each hand please.”
”Why is the camera on me ? I wanna fly. I wanna see these guys fly. I want them charging up walls and...we don’t have the budget for that. I wanna see more vampirey stuff. Why am I wishing again ? I exhausted my wish.”
“You guys can make as many wishes as you want. This is your made up tradition.”
“It’s raining wishes on you.”
“Raining for your wishes.”
“God this is embarrassing.”
“T it up.”
“T what up ?”
“What do your need for a rain of wishes ?”
“What happens when it rains ?”
“An umbrella.”
“What ?”
“An umbrella, sweetheart.”
He closed his eye in frustration and dropped his upper half into my lap, whilst we all laughed at his slow mind.
“Oh shit. Umbrella. So sorry, so sorry.”
“The rain, the umbrella...”
“Dropping hints. Awesome, alright well let’s turn it over to some audience questions.”
*
“Hi, my name is Julia and first I'd like to say, I love you all. Especially Joseph Morgan and Danielle Campbell.”
“Thanks. Thanks a lot.”
“Don’t worry, I love you Daniel.”
He squeezes my thigh and leans in to kiss my head. Before deciding to move his arm around my shoulders and hugging me into his side. I rested my hand on his thigh as I hugged him back.
“I love you too, beautiful.”
I blushed and smiled, whilst the audience all awed. Which prompted the red in my cheeks to darken. I sat back up straight and he returned his hand back my thigh, yet this time a little higher up and whilst stroking the fabric of my dress up my thigh.
“My question is for the whole cast and it is, if you were able to play another role...who would you wanna play ?”
“On our show ? Or just in general ?”
“Yeah. On The Originals.”
“I..I think I would choose Hayley. The Hyrbid female. She's a pretty cool character. Your welcome.”
“Um, I would play...Klaus. Mind you probably better but...”
“I don't wanna play anybody else, I wanna play Elijah.”
“I would play, Elijah....purely because it would be an absolute blessing to wake up that hot everyday and he's a pretty awesome character.”
He smirked at me and moved his hand further up my leg, his fingers now resting at the hem of my white lace thong. I gulped a little but held my composure. It seemed hat every time I complimented him, he got further up my leg and closer to my core. Like a game...and I was more than happy to play.
“If...If I had to absolutely play someone else uh, I would play Oliver because I just think he needs to be brought back to the show...and uh #saveollie. Bring him back !”
“Uh, I would play Elijah because I think I look damn good in a suit.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“Buttoned up to the naval.”
“There we go. I know it's distracting for you, my body.”
“I cannot concentrate. I refuse to continue.”
“Um, I would play Genevieve. I thought she was a really cool character. She was a lot of fun to work with.”
“I see some Genevieve fans in the house, awesome.”
“Um, yeah I think I might choose Elijah too. I think uh, it's a really cool character that Daniel has created.”
“They both quietly believe they can bring more to the role, is what they’re saying. Not quietly, they're saying it to an audience of like three thousand.”
“Only because of what you've done with it Daniel.”
*
“Hi Guys, wow that's loud. I'm so sorry, my name's Marissa. First, I want to say Daniel I watched saving hope and your death killed me. I'm so sorry that you died.”
“Yeah, tell me about it ! I was gutted.”
He squeezed my thigh a little more and started making circles with his finger on the spot closed to my core.
“Oh my goodness.”
Yeah, oh my goodness indeed. He really knew how to make a woman feel good, without hardly doing anything...quite literally.
“Um, so my question is for Julie and Michael. Um, I was wondering...there’s so much violence on the show and so much adult stuff and I was wondering if the network or the studio has ever told you, 'No you can't do that’ ?”
We all started laughing in reply to the questions.
“Oh, we have a story about that don't we...Leah.”
“I don't wanna tell the story again.”
“There's things that we did that couldn't be shown.”
“So here's the thing about broadcast television is that, apparently you can decapitate someone, you can drive a knife into a vampires skull, you can rip out their heart, you can shove a pencil up their nose, you can stab them a million times with glass but when stimulating a sex scene...if there's any movement at all that one would define as thrusting...”
“No thrusting. Pull back on the thrusting.”
“A motion that originates from the hip.”
Charles decided to get up and share a demonstration of thrusting and everyone on stage started laughing and the audience started to scream. Daniel gripped my thigh a little harder, due to jealously. I didn't have to ask him what the reason was, I already knew. At the best of times, he was not a jealous person. He loves and trusts me and Charles a lot and he knows nothing would happen but when he's horny and in need of some attention...he does get jealous. Understandably so, I know because we both do. His pinky finger then started to stroke me, through the lace of my pants.
“It’s difficult because I don't actually remember thrusting being in the script. That was something the actors chose.”
“It was a creative choice. I mean, look at Charles...you would do the same thing. Also, let's not forget the originators of this little problem.”
The audience stayed silent, indicating that they weren't sure how to react to her last sentence. I leaned into Daniel and rested my forehead against his bicep in retaliation to Leah's comment. I couldn't stop giggling, despite the finger rubbing against my wet thong and the blush rising on my cheeks. Daniel was using his other hand to pinch his forehead, whilst chuckling.
“Come on guys, explain it.”
“So, what happened was we were doing the flashback sex scene of Elijah and Lily's wedding night. Daniel got a bit too excited and started to thrust a little and I tried hiding it by opening my legs a bit more.As I did, my underwear snapped because it wasn't as flexible as I thought. So, I had to pay a fine for showing too much skin because the sheets had come off of me a little and we hadn't realised. Not that it was much it was just a little side boob, still.”
“So, it wasn't the thrusting ?”
“No, ironically it wasn't.”
“Let me tell you. There was some excellent, simulated thrusting in those scenes. That was cut, per broadcast standards. While, I think in the same episode seventeen people got brutally massacred. It is what it is.”
“Some of the best thrusting. I hope it makes the special features.”
“Charles called Leah, for some extra rehearsal before hand.”
*
“Hi I'm uh Skylar. Um, I know that between you there has been a myriad of different supernatural creatures. Uh, Phoebe...I think you've been a werewolf, a witch and a mermaid. Uh, in really life...What would you wanna be ?”
“Well, I would say witches because witches don't have to turn on a full moon and they don't have to be like plagued by vampire...the demon’s of vampires. They can just have all the power and really cute outfits...and if I can look more like Danielle Campbell. I'll take it.”
“H20 rocks!”
“Thank you ! Well actually I-Im gonna say a mermaid then. Like, life is better under the sea and I think I would be a mermaid.”
“I don't know-"
“Merman ?”
“Merman. No, I...um. I'm pretty pervy...so I'd say like invisibility.”
“Um, so I'm not pervy at all unlike Daniel. I do think that Heretics are soooo cool though. Like, they can do magic and they are vampires but still have all those human capabilities...like procreation. So, yeah a heretic.”
His hand stopped stroking me through the lace of my panties suddenly and I instantaneously felt a cold gush of air race up my well-shaved legs and punching me in my core. I felt the frayed edges of my lace tickling my upper thigh, where they shouldn't be. Hinting that my favourite pair of thongs had been snapped. I turned to Daniel and narrowed my eyes at him whilst he just continued the panel, like nothing happened. His hand when back to it’s original position resting on my thigh, clearly in punishment for making a comment about his pervy answer.
“Nah, I'm happy where I am. You know, Hyrbid. Definitely not, invisibility. When I joined the show, I thought I was only gonna be a vampire so I was thrilled when I was a werewolf-vampire. I'm sticking to my guns.”
“I like being the token human. I'm just gonna like stay there. Create more mermen.”
“Season three, season of the mermen.”
“The next spin-off.”
“That would be so cool, let me be a mermaid. I would kill it .”
Joseph put his arm on the back of my chair, looking at me after I made my wish known to be a mermaid.
“You better not cum in the water.”
The entirety of the room ruptured into fits of laughter. Even Daniel, who had now moved his hand closer to my core again. Letting his fingers stroke my entrance. Meanwhile, I continued laughing...ignoring the feeling of my husband’s gentle and sensual touch.
“I’m blushing.”
*
“Hi, I'm Katie. If you were to go to Comic Con, on the floor. Is there anyone you would dress up as ?”
The first thought that came to mind was pleasing Daniel. If I said him there was no doubt he'd give in. The problem was, was it a risk I was willing to take...at a comic Con in front of three thousand fans and some of my closest friends.
“Daniel Gillies.”
Every one repeated my answer and whilst doing so I was discovering that I was unequivocally correct with my thought process. Sure enough, Daniel plunged his fingers straight into my entrance leaving me to deal with the resounding squeal that ripped from my throat. Causing Daniel to laugh at me, influencing Joseph to join in.
*
The final question had just been answered by Daniel and I was leaning my head into Daniel's shoulder to help with controlling the moans erupting inside me. The warmth in my stomach has just appeared as quickly as it vanished again, Daniel had stopped and chuckled at my irritated expression. Nevertheless, I got up and shoved my now broken thongs in Daniel's jacket pocket and waved at the fans with a bright smile on my face as we all walked off. We had just got out of the fan's eyesight when a hand delivered a hard slap to my barely covered assume cheek as this dress was so short. I span around and grabbed his wrist before dragging him further backstage, behind a screen next to the dressing rooms.
“What do you think your doing ? Playing around like that during a panel and then not even letting me finish ?!”
I didn't even let him reply as I dragged his face down towards mine and kissed him lustfully. His hands wandered down to my waist and clutched the already tight fabric tighter around me. The other unoccupied hand drove down to my ass and clutched it, allowing the skirt to rise up. Exposing the bare skin of my cheek. I used one of my hands to undo his zipper before pulling his dick out and stroking it. Clearly, he was eager because before I knew it. I was pressed up against the wall, sticking my tongue down his throat and moving myself up and down on his already hard cock. What we hadn't realised that the screen had moved, as Daniel had knocked it with his foot when walking to the wall. He pulled away and smirked at me.
“You told me we wouldn't have public sex after last time.”
“This is the last time Mr Gillies, I'm promising you.”
We smiled at eachother and kept going against the wall. His tip caused some tension when arriving to a depth he hadn’t before but it was a pleasurable one most definitely. The lips of my pussy enveloped his tip and he ran it through my drenched folds before deciding to plunge into me once again. I was about to scream and he knew I wasn’t good at being quiet when he fucks me so good. I clung onto him hoping it would relieve tha ache he’d created by filling me so good. He sat down on a chair that was sat in a chair of the little area backstage. Sitting down, allowed his thrusts to speed up rapidly and his face to rest in between my smooth and nearly covered beasts. He bit my hardened buds through my dress and caused a shive of please to shoot down to my core and promoting me to burst.
I then decided to let go and couldn’t help but let out a gratifying scream for him. I was coming down from my high and the screen pulled back. A man that looked about 40, eyed us disgusted and told us to move it.
“Well atleast I won the deal ?”
“Remember the deal we had ? If I was right about is having sex in public again no matter how much you denied that we wouldn’t. Your were very adamant.#
*
MASTERLIST
#imagines#the vampire diaries#the originals#to imagine#tvd imagine#tvd#the originals imagines#elijah mikaelson#daniel gillies x reader#daniel gillies has ruined me#daniel gillies smut
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His ( @ptternminds ) dispassionate demeanor doesn’t faze her, she understands it must be a charming personality trait of his more than actual lack of enthusiasm. After all, he is the one who volunteered to help, he is the one who already helped her filling the other half of the impressively long list of missing girls. What does he want from it all, she wonders if it truly is out of honest and pure crave for justice. Noble but so rare, in another life she wouldn't have believed him. In that case, she perceives the disdain in his eyes as disdain against everything she must represent : the law, the force. Oh she knows. Mara leans back against her desk, her arms still crossed, studying him in the way he handles the letter. Her eyes narrow slightly as she formulates her response. "What do I want you to do?" she repeats, her voice steady and composed. "I need you to use your network, your connections. The seal, the black rose with five petals and three thorns, it's a symbol. It represents something—or someone. A group. A club. A society." She marks a pause, pensive. Her eyes lock onto his then." You’re good at what you do. Your ability to navigate the underground scene, to extract information, to piece together the puzzle—those are the skills I need right now. I wish I could move by myself, sadly, being Police closes me many doors. The minute I step into one of these clubs who lost their girls, nobody wants to talk to a damn cop in times of crisis. I have gone through every single woman we've listed, their names, backstories, the places they worked at, the places they were reported missing at. I know the culprit modus operandi : they get the girls with such violence, force and organization it only takes a minute for them to grab and knock them out, impossible to stop. Their vans, their faces, everything caught on tape has been impossible to track. These girls then, they explot them, they sell them to guests, selected on invite - like the one you have here. That's some fucked up shit. The only thing that I am missing is .. Who. Who the Hell are They." A dirty cop, actually, Mara never had trouble walking around asking questions, taking bribes, swinging cases in her favor but on this specific case, she quickly realized she couldn't just go anywhere she wanted to go. "We’re not dealing with common criminals. This is bigger. This is a business, one deeply rooted in the rotten core of our beautiful society. See, if my suspicions are correct, it involves people with power and influence, people who might even pay my salary if you know what I mean." She stands up, steps closer to him, closing the distance slightly, but not intrusively. "Help me expose this. There's something in this for you too. Yeah, whatever your motivation, it aligns with mine on this case. And when I say motivation, I say the real one, the one that fuels you to fight for causes that aren't yours, the story behind what defines you as a man willing to step up for these women." She takes a step back, giving him space to process her words. "I can't promise you we won't get out of this one without a scratch though- but that never stopped me before. Has it stopped you?" A smile then, cunning. "Once we know who the hell is behind it all, we fucking go get them. Are you in?"
#螈 : 𝐥𝐢𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐳𝐚 / the chameleon.#螈 : 𝐥𝐢𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐳𝐚 / interactions.#螈 : 𝐥𝐢𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐳𝐚 / chapter 02 ; a girl a rose and a mask.#HEHEHEHE I'm glad you like interconnected plots because#In a thread we have with Ferre - K and Mara go to La Rose#But a link is missing : how did they know it was La Rose simply with the Enveloppe?#I think Doe was the one who helped connect these dots#ALSO I LAUGHED YOU TAG “ Yes to Feminism but only for me yall on your own ” ITS SOOO MARA IM LAUGHING#Alsooo I like the way he describes her - he got that right
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Season 4, Episode 4 - Mr Pigeon 72
I have no idea where to start. This episode has some good things and some extremely stupid.
Marinette isn't still completely fine, but I prefer when she deals with it through being hyperactive than being a whining crybaby.
I know people don't agree with me, but personally I don't buy the whole revealing identity to Alya. It's not a problem with Alya herself, I would say the same about every single character who is not named Alix Kubdel at this point of the story. I haven't written anything in my post about Gang of Secrets, because I thought it would be undone in some way at the start of the next episode. The creators did nothing to explain why revealing identity of Ladybug to anyone was super dangerous and would result in a catastrophe in seasons 1-3 and the first two episodes of S4, but it's magically fine in episode 3. Only Alix made sense to me, as she will be the rabbit Miraculous holder, so she is destined to discover identities of everyone sooner or later and Marinette is aware of that. While it's not necessary to learn identity of anyone to other temporary Miraculous wielders, including Alya. Also that reveal hasn't been foreshadowed in season 3, while the show usually does it, especially if it's about something as important as that! More, in late S3, it's been shown that Alya still can't resist to not talking about Marinette's love life with Nino, despite she asked her to not do it. Now the girl, who is overly excited about superhero stuff, has no problems with even accidental revealing anything to Nino or someone else. She's even "stealing" Bunnix line that she's great at keeping secrets (sorry but you, the creators, haven't shown us that she's indeed is before!). This is why I think that reveal hasn't been planned before they started writing season 4.
But okay, I can deal with it, even if I don't buy it, but things these happened in Mr. Pigeon 72 are even more inconsistent with previous seasons. I have been worried about it, so it doesn't surprised me. For some reason Guardian related-things that have been kept in a secret before from everyone minus current Guardian and the future Guardian, are now fine being done in front of Kwamis (remember, they haven't been allowed to learn about making potions before!) and a civilian who is just a temporal Miraculous holder, not someone who is supposed to be trained to be a new Guardian. You can say - new Guardian, new rules, but why? Marinette has been portrayed as someone who respect authorities, she has never questioned any Fu's rules. It wasn't even said in the episode that she's going to change the rules. I hate that the writers don't even bother to explain us what's going on. Probably they don't bother about consistency, they think the audience is going to be too excited about Alya knowing Ladybug's identity and helping Marinette to question anything about it? How Alya could be allowed to learn the Guardian secrets? She is just best friend of the protagonist, she is not one of the main characters to get that special treatment. I makes zero sense to me. Especially since Su-Han will be introduced in episode 6 and he should help Marinette with understanding the Grimoire, Alya isn't necessary here for any other reason than fanservice.
In my opinion the way how they discovering how to make charms that protects from akumasitation was the most stupid thing that happened this season and one of the most in the whole show. Marinette who is the new Guardiand and portrayed as someone extreme intelligent and creative couldn't find the solution for days, but Alya with zero training magically discovered it in a few hours at worst. And when she told her the solution in not even very clear way, Ladybug did it immediately with no effort. That was so anticlimactic. At least the animation was fine, but other aspects of it was just a big disappointment, and I was looking forward for it. Thank goodness it's just the beginning of the season, I hope later important events of the season will be better written and portrayed.
Also I find it absurd that Rena Rough is walking with a page from the Grimoire like it's just an ordinary book and she's talking about it in front of a random civilian, like things that are written there are nothing special. She or Ladybug are not careful about Miraculous lore anymore. Not to mention that they are giving hints that Rena is very close to Ladybug in public, suspiciously close. And now with them being too careless, that's not hard to suspect that Rena Rouge is someone very close to Ladybug, maybe even as a civilian. Shadow Moth knows Rena Rouge's identity, and it's easy to him to learn who is Alya Cesaire's best friend if he doesn't know it yet, after all his son is in the class with her. Marinette has always been super careful and serious about her duties before, why that sudden change with zero explanation? It's just very out of character to her in my opinion.
I didn't like the akuma battle either, it's now the worst fight of the season in my opinion. It was so short and felt very lazy. I only liked that Plagg got some action and interaction with Ladybug (though it should be suspicious for her that he managed to reach to her that fast). He should be aware now that Alya knows Ladybug's identity but he acts like nothing happened. Not a word about it being unfair towards his kid or something, weird.
Thankfully the rest of the episode is generally more or less fun to me. It was nice to see Marinette and Kagami interacting again. I loved Kagami in the episode, although it was a bit weird to me that she isn't seemed to be affected by her breaking up with Adrien. Like her crush was very shallow, so she managed to recover herself from it very quickly. While it's been shown that Luka is hurt, despite Lukanette always seemed to be much more shallow than Adrigami in my opinion. But maybe it's because she's so down to earth, so being less emotional makes sense for her character. I liked how her attitude was opposite to Marinette's hyperactive: "No, I don't want to be in a relationship with Adrien again, he disappointed me, just let me live!!!". And she's another character who said that Marinette and Adrien are made for each other. I'm not surprised that Kagami sees it now when she tried to be with him and that didn't work. She's observant, sees more than many other characters. It seems she's an Adrienette shipper now. It's also good that her issue with Adrien wasn't resolved that easily and too fast. They need more time, but I'm sure they will be friends again.
So, we've gotten shirtless Adrien. I remember seeing a tweet of Thomas in which he answered to a question if there will be a beach episode and he said we will get something similar. I wonder if he meant this episode. Oh, they just remembered that Adrien is supposed to be allergic to feathers. It seems Adrien has allergic reactions only when it's somewhat related to the plot. When it's not, he's completely fine.
The reference to the famous Umbrella Scene™ out of nowhere in a random episode? It probably means something. I can see "reverse crush" supporters interpreting it as a proof to their theory, especially since this time Adrien did something clumsy and Marinette is laughing because of it (actually both of them). Or maybe because it's the first episode of season 4 with Marinette and Adrien interactions, they decided to be that much gracious for Adrienette fans, to compensate lack of it in the first three episodes. Oh wow, Marinette managed to propose spending more time together to Adrien without stuttering. Probably because she has done it spontaneously. Marinette is the most nervous when she's planning and thinking what could go wrong too much. This time she had no time to it, so it went more smoothly. It's like they building development of their relationship, but it didn't seem in Guiltrip (that's episode 11 chronologically) that something changed.
Seeing screenshot above, you can easily imagine how great friends they could be, being very comfortable around each other and laughing together, if not Marinette's anxiety. We need Adrienette development so much to get more moments like this.
Oh and I just realized that it's also one of the veeeeery few episodes with no real Ladynoir at all (the only other one I remember is Style Queen). So if there was no Adrienette it would be an episode without interactions of two main characters at all (although we almost got Ladrien). It could be another reason why this episode is that nice for Adrien and Marinette ship.
After seeing overly excited Marinette dancing in the rain, I can't believe she can manage completely give up on Adrien. It doesn't look like this at all.
Also we've seen three photos of Adrien wearing THAT scarf. It could not mean nothing different that foreshadowing that he's going to discover the truth about it somewhere this season. But I have no idea what Ladybug's mask with shining eyes could mean.
I don't know what to think about the episode. Despite absurd Guardian-related things, I still liked it much more than Gang of Secrets, but I have no idea if I generally enjoyed it more than other episodes of this season or not. At least it's an episode without stupid drama, which is amazing.
---------
I'm currently less active on social media, because my internet connection is very unstable, it often works very slowly to the point I'm not patient enough to visit Tumblr. Also I block spoiler tags again, because I don't want to see spoilers from the episodes those are going to be released very soon, as I feel that they reveal too much to me once more. We're currently in a marathon of the new episodes and since watching them is the more more enjoyable, the less I know about them, I decided to try avoid spoilers as much as I can. The only bad thing is that I can't be read discussions about the new episodes, reblog them and adding something from me until Optigami will be aired.
#miraculous ladybug#ml mr. pigeon 72#ml season 4#ml spoilers#ml spoiler#chicoriii about S4 episodes#ml season 4 spoilers#chicoriii#original post
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Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before
The Eleventh Letter
----------------
To: Boo Seungkwan
From: Y/N
Dear Seungkwan,
now that school is about to begin again, I've been thinking of you a lot. I just kept reminiscing the sweet moments we had and now, after all that reminiscing, though it's only been a few days since I rejected you, I realized this. I love you.
First things first, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.
Back to what I was saying, after this realization (that I loved you), my heart began to thump out of my chest. I feel so stupid. I'm a college student and yet, why does it seem like I do not know love? I was so sure I didn't like you as a lover but now that you and I aren't seeing each other, I miss you like crazy.
However, as much as I want to see you, I don't think I'll have the courage to talk to you. After I rejected you, I'm sure things are way too awkward between us.
I know you probably don't know this but I looked back on our text messages and sometimes, you were also online. I would see you typing out a message only for you to delete it and not send anything. Inside, I hoped that you would send me a text and see that I was viewing our chat the entire time.
I want to tell you first, I want to do everything first, but for some reason, I can't pick up the courage to do it. I know that maybe it will be better for me to make the first move and confess that I've loved you all along, but I just can't do it. Even after knowing that this love is mutual, I can't do it.
I don't know why either. I believe it's because I truly want to focus on my studies and leave college on a good note. However, at the same time, I wonder if I'm just being cowardly. I have made the first move before and I am quite confident that I can, but I just... I can't. It's a confusing feeling, Seungkwan.
I don't want to be selfish and keep you for myself but I want to be selfish and hope that maybe this selfishness would make both of us happier. We've only known each other for a few months and since summer is so short, the timing wasn't that great for us.
The only way we really met was at the cafe I worked at and the volunteer event that was hosted every week. When we did get to know each other and started hanging out, it still wasn't that much time because you enrolled in summer vocal lessons.
With so little time to get to know you, I'm not confident that we can truly become a good couple. To me, it seems like you and I are complete opposites. You're funny and loud and you can easily brighten any kind of atmosphere meanwhile I just blend in with it.
You told me that you liked me for a while and I'm sorry I didn't notice it. You continued liking me because you wanted to but even so, I feel a bit bad because, in the end, you don't even get to be with me. I like you too, Seungkwan, I just can't confess.
Is it really because I can't? Or I don't want to? I'm not sure and this feeling confuses me as well, I just can't describe it. I've always been indecisive even when I'm confident in my answers, which I know sounds stupid. I am a stupid person. I don't know how to love someone properly and it's my fault.
Anyway, back then, when you were beginning to show interest in me, I should have taken the hint. Was it near spring when you started coming to the cafe?
You would always crack a joke whenever I was the one who delivered you your coffee or took your order, and every single one of them made me smile, giggle, and laugh. I should have looked a bit closer at your expressions when you told those jokes. It wasn't until later during summer that I started noticing your sparkling eyes, heart-fluttering smile, and the way you gazed at me.
I think our romance involved only around time. When I spent time with you, I felt like I could spend all the time in the world with you, but eventually, reality hit me. We met during the summer and I have my final year of college coming soon, would being with you be a benefit? No, it shouldn't be a benefit.
Love is about loving someone just because. It's not about benefits. I think now, as I'm writing this letter, I've come to a conclusion. I just don't want to confess to you.
I think it's because I don't want the hardship of a relationship. It's not that I loved you any less than everyone else I fell for, because I do love you, but I don't want to have a relationship. My career path is chosen and I'm creating a road in front of me, will I have time for you?
Every relationship comes with hardships and sweet moments. Would the hardships be worth the sweetness? I think it will, but right now, I have to be the one who knows myself best; and I know that I need to be able to focus. Love can either help me or interfere with school.
It's not going to be easy for both of us. You told me that you wanted to go to graduate school and that you're also currently in college. If we did start dating, it would have been hard anyway. After college, I'm also going to graduate school, and I plan to go to one far far away from here.
Even if we decide that a relationship isn't for us, I want you to remember the sweet times we had. In that little time, you made me so happy without me even realizing it.
Whenever you volunteered, you were one of the hardest workers. I also always wanted to compliment your hands because to me, they looked so beautiful.
Sometimes when I needed help putting on an apron, you would not hesitate to help me. I would remember how you placed down everything and came to me to help when you saw me struggling. Instead of awkward silence, you talked to me casually while tying the strands behind my back, your touch so gentle.
That's why whenever I saw you struggling, I wanted to help too. Sorry I couldn't keep a conversation though, the silence between us was a bit awkward, but for some reason, it was also sweet. You thanked me afterward with your voice all shy and at that moment, I was a bit surprised by your cute expression and hidden shy nature.
Well, of course, I got to see more of it too.
Remember when that grandma told us we looked good together? It was during a volunteer event where we run a coffee truck and give out freebies from the cafe. You and I were operating the freebies section with a few others and an old granny came up to us.
Her eyes were a beautiful brown and she had her hair tied in a bun. She gave us such a sweet smile as we handed her the free cookie.
“I want this for my grandson,” She said, smiling sweetly.
“Your grandson? Then take another one!” You replied. You're such a smooth speaker. You can get along well with anyone, I envy you, Seungkwan.
“Really? Thank you, you must be a great son.”
As she was about to leave, her back slouched, she turned back and said, “By the way, you two match each other quite well. Are you guys perhaps...”
I remember you glancing at me with a gentle smile the shaking it off shyly. “No, we aren't...”
She apologized with another smile and then left.
It was that night that you confessed to me.
You offered to take me home and under a streetlight, you told me while scratching your head shyly, “I like you, Y/N.”
I wasn't sure of my feelings then, that's why I agreed when you offered to take me on three dates to see if I would change my mind; thinking about it makes me smile because all those three dates were fun, memorable, and warmly sweet.
The first date we went on was a bit awkward at first, but it was mainly fun. You took me to an arcade where we played a variety of games. You were extremely competitive and naturally funny. You made me laugh a lot that day and you made me comfortable. I enjoyed the time with you.
For our second date, you took me to a volleyball game. You continued rambling on and on about how much you loved sports. Even though you were just talking and watching the game, I didn't feel bored. Since you were so into the game, I became interested in it too.
After the volleyball game, you took me to a stadium and helped me learn to play. At first, each bounce would get you worried that I hurt my hand. You would keep brushing your fingers against mine. Playing volleyball was fun with you too, Seungkwan.
Our last, third date was at the amusement park. You were scared of many rides but got through with it because of me, you said. I found it cute whenever you were whining or sulking. I'm glad that you were being yourself around me.
When you were sending me home after that date, you asked me to hold hands. Your voice was so quiet and shy that I almost didn't hear you. I could tell that you were a bit doubtful that I would comply, and when I did let you hold my hand, you were smiling so brightly. I can't forget that shy, bright, beautiful smile.
Your hand was so warm.
We continued to see each other because you're a regular at the cafe. You order the same Americano.
After a few days of letting me think, you finally came up to me as I was leaving the cafe.
“Y/N,” You said, your voice sounding somewhat hopeful. “About my confession...”
I was quiet because, at that moment, I didn't have my feelings sorted out yet. I just thought that the timing wasn't right and that I shouldn't be in a relationship, and that I should focus on preparing for my last year of college.
Stupidly, I replied, “I'm sorry, Seungkwan.”
I could tell you were hurt. I couldn't explain any further about how much I liked you because I was idiotic and didn't realize it.
“It's okay. It's completely fine. I respect your choice... do you want me to walk you home?”
You continued smiling at me and talking with me but you sounded so hurt so I sent you away.
My father told me, when I visited him in the hospital a few days ago, that love is all about timing. With the amount of time we had and the amount of time we were going to get, it didn't seem like it was going to be a flower road.
The timing wasn't right.
If only I had met you not during the summer, but during a time where I had all the time in the world to spend with you... If only I had time.
I don't want to forget the memories we made. I know I'm a bit foolish and this bitter ending is partially my fault. I didn't have the right timing back then, now, and even in the future, I just know it.
Now, all I can do is sigh and reminisce.
-----------------
If only there was more time for us, maybe love could have been expandable.
From,
Y/N
© serenityseventeen
7/8/21 - 11:09 am
a/n: I have to go take a test later because I'm moving to a public (high) school... I'm nervous but I'm sure it'd be fine. + Hoshi getting scared while practicing spider is so funny lol
#love & letter: to the thirteen boys i've loved before#seventeen kpop#seventeen#seventeen imagines#svt kpop#svt imagines#seventeen scenarios#svt#svt oneshot#seventeen oneshot#부승관#승관#seungkwan imagines#seungkwan#boo seungkwan seventeen#seventeen seungkwan#seungkwan seventeen#svt seungkwan#seungkwan svt#seungkwan scenarios#boo seungkwan imagines#seungkwan oneshot#boo seungkwan svt#svt boo seungkwan#seventeen boo seungkwan#boo seungkwan#kpop imagine#kpop imagines#kpop oneshots#세븐틴
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Penny Haywood x MC- Experience (4/4)
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this special! See you soon!
Game: Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery
____________________
There was always something about a village that helped it stand out from a landscape and earn a smile from one, even if one had never been there before
Maybe it was the way the houses looked, stuck in time without showing signs of decay
Or perhaps it was the way the people behaved, so polite and welcoming that even a stranger could feel as if they had lived amongst them for years
Regardless of what it was, there was no denying that the atmosphere was unmatched. Such was the ambiance of the village that Penny and Y/N were visiting as requested by her mother
Unfortunately, Beatrice fell ill due to the food they ate last night. Nothing too severe, but a few ingredients would help to make a potion for her
Penny took the opportunity to give the curse-breaker a tour around the place, with her holding their hand the entire time...not that they minded, of course
The village's colors were different in the afternoon, with oranges, purples, and pinks bouncing off the buildings to set a serene tone
"And here we are. This is the place where we get most of our ingredients. The quality is amazing!"
They stopped at a small, wooden store. It looked a bit old, but certainly stood the test of time
When they stopped, an old woman came out and smiled
"Good morning, Penny. It's always a pleasure to see you around here"
"Likewise, Madam Clarke!" She answered, ever so cheerful
Then, the woman's attention turned to you, with an intrigued look to her
"And who this might be?"
"Y/N L/N, I go to the same school as Penny. A pleasure to meet you"
They greeted the woman with a hint of formality, they didn't know how Penny's relationship with these people was, after all
"Is that so? You two seem to be getting along quite nicely" She chuckled to herself after saying that
That's when They remembered, neither of them let go of the other's hand
Being too embarrassed to say anything, Penny just let go
"Anyhow, what can I get you?"
"The things in this list, please"
Penny handed her a paper with the ingredients written in it. Fortunately, the woman didn't see her blushing while doing so
Without further due, Madam Clarke left to get the objects, leaving the two teenagers to chat for a bit
"...So, how are you finding this village so far, Y/N?"
They turned to see Penny smiling once again, almost as if she was using them as an escape from that embarrassing moment seconds ago
"It's amazing, it reminds me of the first time I saw Hogsmeade"
The blonde found herself nodding at this
"I know, right? This place is just so charming. That's why we come here every chance we get"
"It does wonders to help the mood. No wonder you always return so happy for the next year"
This earned a laugh from Penny, who just shook her head
"Well, it's also because I get to see you, Y/N. That is always something to look forward to"
Y/N smiled fondly at this. Truth to be told, there were many reasons to either look forward to or dread the return to Hogwarts every year
The obvious reason to fear would've been the curses going around every single year, until this one, that is
However, one reason to look forward to it was to spend time with friendly faces once again, even appreciate them a bit more after being on their own for a while
"There you go. This should be everything" Madam Clarke made her way back to the counter
She handed Penny a bag and she saw the content to check if everything was in order and upon confirming it, she handed her a couple of coins
"Thank you, Madam Clarke!"
She turned around and motioned Y/N to come with her. Upon exiting that business, however, the blonde noticed something, she even stopped walking because of it
"Penny? Is everything alright?" Out of instinct, Y/N had their wand at the ready
"Absolutely, I just noticed how different the center of the village looks. It's so festive!"
Y/N let out a sigh of relief when they heard this, then proceeding to look into the reason for this
"Perhaps they are preparing something?"
"Could be..." She pondered before looking at a person walking nearby
"Excuse me, what are the decorations for?"
"We've decided on preparing a small outdoors celebration this year! To keep the spirit as jolly as it can" The man announced proudly, but this answer also sparked curiosity in Penny's eyes
"An outdoors celebration? You mean with dancing too?"
"You bet! Make sure you bring your sweetheart. It's going to be brilliant"
With that, the man left to attend his own business. While Y/N was glaring at him for calling them that, Penny was already tending to thousands of ideas in her mind
Before Y/N could ask about it, she turned around and grabbed both of their hands, sporting a bright smile as well
"This is wonderful! What better to show you how magical this place is than with a festival!"
They didn't even have time to say anything due to Penny hugging them tightly. It was commonly known that Penny Haywood adored these types of events
But there was something about this one that just felt so different. It only made sense, this was the first time that Y/N had seen a Muggle community like this one
"Come on, we have to tell my mum about this!"
And so, the young Haywood practically dragged them back to the small house, where she delivered the big news to her family
"A festival, you say? That would explain why the village looked so different this time"
Mr. Haywood stated while picking up the ingredients Penny had brought them and put them on the counter for his wife
"I'm afraid we can't, we have to tend to Bea until she recovers"
Her statement saw itself defied by the voice of the patient herself. Beatrice looked as if she had a cold, yet she was in her pajamas standing in the middle of the hall
... honestly, not her best look
"I... told...you I'm... fine"
"What are you doing out of bed? You'll catch a cold like that!"
Her dad rushed in and gently took her back to her room, making her mum sigh in annoyance
But that's when she got an idea just by looking at the two teenagers standing in the living room
Penny looked so eager to go to this event, while Y/N seemed to be quite distraught by Beatrice's problem
They had already done their part by bringing supplies, and playing nurse wasn't a way to spend the holidays, was it?
"I have an idea, why don't you two go to the festival for us? You earned it"
The moment she heard this, the stars in her daughter's blue eyes began to shine once again with excitement, making her chuckle at this
"Really?"
"Consider it my Christmas gift to you two"
She winked at the couple. Penny ran towards her for a hug, one that she eas quick to return
"Thank you so much!"
It was cute to see the blonde get so excited for this, but when recalling events like the Celestial Ball or the festival at Hogwarts, it was difficult for the heart not to start racing as well
This is when Y/N realized something. They've had fun dancing before with Penny and the rest of the school
But this time, it was a festival just for the two of them. No distractions or obstacles, or even multiple crushes to balance out
Just fun with a single person, Penny
"Do you have something to wear for the dance, Y/N?"
Her sweet voice made them snap out of their thoughts and when remembering the question, the student gave her a confident smirk
"Absolutely, I have just the outfit for this. Just leave it to me"
...
Two hours later
"I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR, I AM DOOMED"
Y/N walked through the room back and forth, their clothes all scattered around, a faithful reflection of their mind currently
The curse-breaker had packed their things when they left Hogwarts, but none of the clothes they brought would help them look good enough for this dance! They'd stand out like a stain on a white sheet
They had spent hours upon hours trying to find something decent for this event, not just regular clothes switched up to look like something new
It's not that they would know that they'd need a special outfit, but they couldn't afford to go and buy one. There was no time left
Not good, not good
"Think, what would Andre do?"
They stopped to look at the room before facepalming
"Probably yell at me for having my clothes like this"
Groaning in defeat, Y/N sat back on the bed
"This was going so well..."
However, as their frustration threatened to take over, they managed to see something in their suitcase, something that wasn't there before
"What the...?"
Y/N directed their attention to this and brought the suitcase closer to them and what they saw caught them off-guard by sure
It was another set of clothes, perfectly folded so that they weren't perceivable unless every other piece of clothing was taken out before
Y/N recognized this as one of the outfits Andre had styled for them. But how? It wasn't there when they put their clothes in the suitcase before
That's when they spotted a small note attached to the outfit
"You might need it. Good luck!"
- Tulip &, Chiara
"Pd. You ought to tell me all about your trip when you get back,!"
-Alanza <3
Y/N didn't know if they should laugh at this or question how did the girls manage to sneak in this outfit without them noticing. Regardless, they were beyond grateful for their friends at this moment
Without wasting another second, they grabbed the outfit and tried it on. It looked elegant enough to notice that it wasn't just a make-shift outfit, but not too extravagant either
They couldn't recall the last time they had worn those clothes, but it didn't matter now, for it was perfect!. They made a note to themselves to thank the girls when they saw them again
Minutes after making the final adjustments to the outfit, there was a knock on the door
"Y/N? Are you ready?"
Penny's voice could be heard from the other side. But this time, the teenager had an answer to it
"Absolutely, I'm coming out"
Without further due, they left their room with a confident smirk, sure to look their best for the night
But when they stopped to look at the blonde in front of them, Y/N was left speechless
A yellow tiered ruffle skirt hugged her waist and part of her legs, contrasting with a cute black top that highlighted her two necklaces, and to top it all off, a french braid resting on her side. As if she wasn't breathtaking enough, her smile was what sent Y/N over the edge
However, they weren't the only ones in awe of what they were seeing, for Penny too was beyond impressed by the way their partner looked tonight. Even if they were amazed by the other, they couldn't bring themselves to look at each other in the eye without ending up like a tomato
"P-Penny! You look brilliant"
Y/N was the first one to break the ice, earning a smile from her
"You too, Y/N, I...wow"
She tried her best to remain her friendly self but found herself staring even against her own
"Awww look at you two! Let me take a picture!"
Penny's mum rushed off to get her camera, leaving the two teenagers on their own. However, watching the woman's reaction helped the teens to ground themselves a bit in reality and thus, laughing at what had just happened
Of course, they still thought about how good the other looked, but they could at least get a hold of themselves now and look at one another without exploding with emotions immediately as a child would
And so, after getting their photograph taken, Penny and Y/N left the building, now greeted by the nocturnal sky and a breeze of cold air. In the distance, the lights of the village could be seen waiting or them, their colors so warm and festive
"I can't believe it, a festival just for us!"
Then, she looked at Y/N with her usual smile
"This is going to be incredible"
Just as Penny regained her excitement, so did Y/N's confidence returned and showed so by extending a hand to their partner for the evening
"Then let's check this festival together, shall we?"
At first, the blonde was caught off-guard by this gesture, like a knight in shining armor coming for her, requesting for her hand, hers
Words couldn't describe how lucky she felt to be the one looking at this, but that was okay, her actions would suffice. With a proud smirk, she reached out for their hand as well
"Yes, let's"
...
As soon as they stepped into the village, they were blown away by what they were seeing. The decorations made the place feel even more alive than it was before and as the moonlight shined upon it, the festive lights highlighted this atmosphere
Smiles could be seen everywhere they looked. From the elderly to the children, everyone seemed to be having a great time
"A gift for the young couple"
A woman approached them with flower bracelets for both, placing them gently on their hands
They accepted the gift but were certainly surprised by it too. Mainly to be called a couple, but to be fair, there was no point in arguing against it now
"It's...comfy!" Penny stated while adjusting hers
"How does it look on me?"
She turned to take a good look at the new accessory in Y/N's head and she giggled
"It looks adorable"
Without further due, the duo continued to explore the festival. It had amazing food, fun games the likes of which Y/N had never seen before, and even a place to take pictures with someone
Being that last part what caught their eye the most. It wasn't often that they were able to take pictures together, after all
They took a couple of photos. If there was any doubt as to whether Y/N smiled at all that year or not, one would only need to look at those items
With the same jolly attitude, they kept exploring what the festival had to offer, and that's when they reached the center of the village
The people were gathering around a wooden stage, where an old man was giving an announcement
"Friends, I know you're all as anxious about the dance as I am, so I will keep this short"
They stepped back into the stage, motioning to it
"The dance will welcome all who want to participate, but only one couple will be crowned tonight! And your cheers will help us decide who that is!"
The people cheered as some of them walked onto the stage with their couple, eager to dance
When this happened, Penny's blue orbs sparkled with excitement as she looked back at Y/N
"Can we participate? Can we?"
They couldn't help but chuckle at her kid-like eagerness but found themselves nodding too
After fending off a dragon, Acromantulas, and even Dark Wizards, Y/N L/N had grown much more confident, so dancing in a festival with Penny didn't seem to be a challenge too big
However, this one was a far more likable challenge than those others
"Of course we can. Let's show them!"
The young lady guided them to the stage, where they found a spot to dance right in the middle of it all
"Alright everyone, let's begin!"
The musicians started playing their entrancing melody, inviting everyone who heard it to dance. The violins and even the piano gave it a distinct sound
(Think of something like this if you want)
Y/N's right hand made its way to Penny's waist as hers fell on their shoulder and their left hands intertwined shortly after and their eyes, fixed in one another's
The music slowly picked its pace and the couple began to move together, first left, then right and left one more time, starting slowly and with a gentle tone
When the time came, Y/N raised their hand and allowed Penny to twirl, swiftly stepping back so that she and her partner were in front of each other, still dancing
The people clapped in unison as they started to tap the floor following the rhythm of the music, dancing and jumping in place without losing sight of the floor either
The way they moved was akin to the music of another time, yet with the same life and energy
Soon, laughter and smiles would come from both of the teenagers as they lost themselves to this cheerful music and even clapped with the crowds before switching partners
Never before had Y/N felt so free. No responsibilities or problems, nothing was wrong with the world, nothing needed fixing
It was just them, the music and Penny
And that was all they needed
This intoxicating happiness quickly took over them, and regardless of how long it would last, they would cherish every second of it
And so they danced, jumped around in place, and even formed circles with the other dancers until eventually, they made their way back to Penny herself
Once again, they intertwined their hands as they began to move in synchrony, twirling and dancing in circles without letting go
The violins helped their moves, guiding every step of theirs until suddenly... They were inches away from each other, they could feel the other's breath and all they could see was the other's face as they regained their breath, but most importantly, they smiled at each other
They genuinely smiled
Penny pushed their bodies closer to each other, the curse-breaker took the hint, held the blonde's waist, and spun them around, much to her surprise
Both laughed at this until Y/N was holding Penny's back, keeping her from falling as she cupped their cheek in return, and finally, they sealed the moment with a long-awaited kiss
Y/N found themselves closing their eyes to shut the world out the moment their lips met hers
The soft taste of her honeyed lips was far sweeter than any treat the curse-breaker ever got, and the wait only made them better
As they slowly separated their lips, they could only stare at each other in disbelief of what just happened
"Penny..." Was all they could mutter and yet, that was enough for her heart to melt
But then, the clapping and cheering from the crowds surrounding them reminded the couple that they were still in the middle of a festival, and by the looks of it, they had put quite a show
Everyone was looking at them with a huge smile as if they somehow knew the importance of the moment they had witnessed
Even the other couples were applauding them at this point
"It seems that we have our winners!"
The man walked towards them and placed a beautiful crown of flowers on the blonde's head, and then another on Y/N's
They were now standing in front of the crowd, too shocked to know how to respond on their own, but that was the thing, they were not alone
One way or another, they both knew this and acting out of pure instinct, their hands reached out for the other's until they inevitably succeeded
This sudden contact made them look at one another, surprised by this connection at first, but it soon turned into a smile
Not the kind of smile one would do when being told good news
Nor the kind of smile to make when seeing someone after a long time
But a smile of the purest kind
That of love itself
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hellooo um we've been moots for a while but i'd like to stay anon. no need to answer if you're not comfortable <3 you just seem to have good insight on these kind of things, so i want to ask how you'd feel if one of your irl friends just starts mentioning their other friends every single time you talk? i'd say something like "oh the weather is good today" & they would be like "yeah G and i were just talking about it" or i would say "idk what i'm doing with my life" and they'd be like "aww but it's nice that S seems to has her life together"
there's too many examples, every single convo we had lately has her mentioning other people and i don't know what her intentions are. why do you think someone would do something like that? is she trying to tell me that she has all these people in her life and therefore doesn't need me? i don't think there's a point in mentioning others as much as she does in a convo that shouldn't involve them in the first place. are my feelings valid or am i really just selfish? is it right for me to open this up to her or should i just wait if she'll ever stop doing it?
hiiii <3 thanks for thinking i have a good insight :')
as someone who overthinks everything, i think maybe you may be on the same boat.
out of those sentences i don't think your friend is trying to say she doesn't need you (the "awww S seems to have her life together" is hella rude though. like okay........ who. who asked). i once had this conversation with a guy i was talking with/dating years ago and he said the very same thing to me. that every time we talked i made comments like "oh yes, A said the other day that..." or "lol this makes me think when B said..." and he thought i was no longer interested in him. which was a lie, i really was interested ;-; but i talk about my own experiences/my friends' experience when i'm talking with someone because it's my way of saying "hey, i understand what you're saying-- look, me or someone else went through something similar!!"
now ofc i learnt most people don't like that :(( or feel like you're not paying attention to them so i have to really be careful not to do that... but it's my first instinct. hell, i'm even doing it rn as i try to explain why i think she's acting that way ;-;
your feelings are VALID. because even if it's not her intention to make you feel bad, you feel bad. and that's valid. what i would advise is that you maybe tell her about it? because she may not realize she's hurting you. if anyone is doing something that is making you feel upset, then you should definitely open up about it!! you should never just wait until it ends, not for her not for anyone <3
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