#we're on the topic of thought control and bad patterns

[mondscheinprinzessin]

Today my therapist achieved the unimaginable and almost managed to make me cry. I was this close🤏 to go fuck it I’m shedding a few tears now.

[thevoidstaredback]

"Guys!" Nightwing shouted once he and Batman arrived in the main are of the Bat Cave, "I have some fantastic news!"

Bruce pulled his cowl off, his amusement no longer being hidden as he nearly failed to keep from laughing.

Everyone had gathered in the Cave to await the two who'd gone to the Watchtower, so everyone was already there to hear the exclamation. Even Alfred was with them all.

"Calm down, Big Bird," Jason said from his place on the meeting table, "What's going on?"

Dick was bouncing on the balls of his feet, "Can I tell 'em, B? Can I, can I?!"

Bruce chuckled, "I'm not stopping you."

He cheered before turning back to the rest of his family, "They think there's a total of three-" he held up three fingers on his left hand, "-of us operating within Gotham, myself excluded because I'm in Bludhaven."

"Wait," Stephanie called, "They think Batman only has three people helping to cover Gotham? They know we're human, right?"

Dick shook his head, his grin only getting bigger. "Nope! They think Batman only has two sidekicks covering Gotham with him."

This caused everyone to laugh, the humor breaking any seriousness anyone would've tried to control to keep on topic. It was nice, Bruce smiled, to be able to let loose with everyone like this. His family was altogether, spending time with one another, doing things that didn't include head hunts or injuries.

Alfred took his place beside Bruce. "This is nice, isn't it."

"It is."

"You can die a happy man now?"

A chuckle. "You killing me off so soon?"

"Of course not, Master Bruce," He's smirking, "I'm simply stating a fact."

"Ha!"

"What're you guys talking about over there?" Tim called. Everyone had gathered at the meeting table to go over final details and slight changes for the set up tomorrow. "C'mon! We've gotta finish putting this all together."

Duke nodded from over his shoulder, "Yeah! New information allows room for some much more fun!"

Jason smirked. "Yeah, old man, Alfred! We want to see if we can get away with switching out with each other. It'll confuse the hell outta the Leaguers."

Bruce raised an eyebrow as he and Alfred joined the kids at the table. "How are you going to pull that off? Despite what you all may thing, the others are all a lot more observant than given credit for-"

"Except the Flash and Green Arrow." Cass cut in.

"Hey!" Dick said, "Don't dis Barry like that!"

"Yeah," Barbra agreed, "And Ollie's whole thing is spotting details. He prides himself on it!"

"If that were true, then we wouldn't be planning on how to mess with them, now would we?"

Tim nodded, "Damian's right."

"As you were saying?" Bruce prompted.

"Well," Jason continued, "You, Damian, and Dick have to be here as Batman, Nightwing, and Robin. They all probably know about me, so I'll stay out of the Cave, but you can bet your ass that I'll be in the Clocktower with Babs, listening in on everything." He looked to Tim and Babs. "Should we set up cameras?"

Tim thought for a second, "If we want to record this, then yeah. I can have them all set up by morning."

"I'll help you set it up before I head out tonight," Barbra agreed.

"Anyway," Stephanie interrupted, pulling the attention to herself, "Tim, Cass, and I could totally get away with running around and messing with their senses and shit. And if we can get Kate and Selina in on this-"

"You've already talked to them, haven't you." Bruce asked. The matching grins on everyone's faces was answer enough. He sighed.

"Having fun," Cass patted his arm, "Bonding."

He snorted. 'Bonding', yeah right. Maybe letting his coworkers be the target of his childrens' whims is a bad idea. Then again, their not hurting anyone. It's all fun in games.

Bruce sat at the head of the table. "Alright. We all know about Superman's ability to hear heartbeats and breathing patterns. He's able to memorize someone's vitals, especially his friends. It's safe to assume he's got mine down, as well as Robin's and Nightwing's."

Damian scoffed. "Changing my vitals will be no issue for me."

Bruce nodded, "Me, either."

Dick nodded along, "Soundseasy enough. But what's the plan?"

"Oracle will call you out for an emergency in Bludhaven. Red Hood will call me out for some information at the docks. We'll met up at the Clocktower and switch costumes." he explained.

Barbra had a manic look on her face. "We should have Steph and Cass stay away from the Cave at first, then have them come in separately, but sharing a costume." SHe turned her attention to the blonde. "You have a spare Spoiler costume, yeah?"

Stephanie matched her grin, "Naturally."

"What about me, Tim, and Damian?" Duke asked.

"How would you and Tim like to be actual bats?" the red head wondered, "Or maybe ghosts?"

"Do we get to mess with shit?" Tim asked.

"Naturally."

"I'm in," the two responded.

"Damian will run distraction," Jason said," He'll be the only one who stays with the JL the whole time they're here. Alfred will have to keep cover upstairs. I'll bounce between the Manor, the Clocktower, and patrol."

"Are you quite sure?" Alfred asked, "That's quite a lot to be doing."

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he assured.

Brice cleared his throat. "If everyone's ready?" Looks around the table before nods of affirmation. "Good. Finish up any last minute changes and preparations. They've agreed to meet at the Watchtower at fifteen hundred New Jersey time so that I can bring them here. Damian, I want you to come with me."

"Of course, father."

"Ready? Break."

Part 3 Part 5

Tag List: @sebas-nights

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hello. How are you ? I was never abused. I am sorry that I come across ignorant. There is the notion that is harsh to the golden children in a narcissistic parent dynamic. They are treated as they are doomed to be complicit to the abuse or be abusers themselves, is that treatment fair ? What are golden children like ? Are they always doomed to abusers or complicit to abuse and bad people ? Have a have a nice week!

Hi! I'm doing well, although I'm a little overwhelmed by life currently. Hope you're doing well too!

Don't worry about sounding ignorant! We're all ignorant about so many things, and we're all constantly learning new things. I appreciate you wanting to learn more about this topic!

First of all, I'd like to say it's not narcissistic parents who turn their kids into scapegoats and golden children, it's (some) abusive ones. Personally, I was raised as an only child and I was turned into a mixture of both and neither of those roles, so, even though I can share my thoughts on this, if any other abuse survivors would like to add their thoughts as well, I'd love to hear what you have to say about this topic!

All that being said, yeah, I've come across the notion that golden children are "doomed" to turn into abusers. And it's true that, in some cases, that does happen. Golden children do sometimes grow up to still agree with their abusers and repeat the same patterns.

The thing is, the opposite happens too, and I'd say roughly just as often. Scapegoat children do sometimes grow up and become abusive toward others. Maybe the reasoning behind those behaviours is different in each case (think "I'm entitled to demand these things from others because they've always been given to me" vs. "I'm entitled to demand these things from others because they were always denied to me"), but neither of them is particularly more likely than the other to continue the cycle of abuse.

But there are two factors that I think are rarely taken into consideration when these conversations surrounding golden children are had.

Firstly: no one is doomed to be an abuser. Not people with abusive pasts (golden child, scapegoat, or N/A). Not people with personality disorders like NPD. Not people with anger issues or short tempers. Not people of a particular gender or sexuality. Not people of a certain ethnicity or nationality. Not religious people. And I think to claim that anyone is doomed to be abusive is to take responsibility away from that person for their abuse. Because if they were doomed, clearly they couldn't help it—it was caused by forces outside their control. Truth is, even though abuse isn't always intentional on abuser's part, we can all make an intentional effort to not be abusive, if we want to. Even people who have been abusive in the past can choose to stop, and to change. And, just as importantly, even people with zero "reasons" to abuse (no troubling past, no mental/economic/stress/life issues, no nothing) can be abusive. No one is exempt from that potentiality. Every single person has the potential to abuse.

Secondly (and perhaps most importantly): golden children are abuse victims too. Read that again. Golden children are abuse victims too. Yes, maybe they weren't overtly punished, ridiculed or threatened like scapegoats were. But they were shown that love was conditional and compliance non-negotiable. They were pitted against their sibling or relative, forced to take a side because that was their only way to remain safe. It was unsafe to have any opinions or wants of their own that went against the abuser's. They grew up in survival mode, in an environment of constant tension and conflict. And they witnessed overt abuse toward the scapegoat, which, in and of itself, is abuse. (Yes, any minor who witnesses abuse toward another person is a victim of abuse as well. Yes, simply witnessing abuse as a minor is enough for it to count).

Regarding the question "what are golden children like?", every abuse victim and survivor is different, and that applies to golden children as well. Golden children can grow up to be entitled and abusive, and/or they can grow up traumatised, terrified of authority figures, anxious, depressed, kind, patient, with survivor's guilt, feeling worthless, feeling incapable of forming true connections with others, angry, grieving the family relationship they never had, bubbly, dissociated, terrified of being a monster, guilty about their past behaviours or beliefs, continuing to be abused without even realising it because they think what they're going through doesn't deserve that label, or all of it at once. And a long, long etc.

To be a golden child, as well as to be a scapegoat, is to be a pawn in someone else's game, where the abuser holds all the power. You might be granted some of that power if you're the golden child, but that just messes you up in fun and unexpected ways. It's not healthy. It's not safe. The golden child is powerless to leave or change the situation, and did not choose to be put in that situation to begin with. Some of them may actively choose to stay because they enjoy the power to abuse that the situation gives them, but that is an active choice they have made and not an unavoidable consequence of their upbringing. And, in those cases, when they choose to stay and/or perpetuate the abuse when they have the ability to leave, they deserve to be held fully accountable for that decision.

Tl;Dr: yes, golden children (and scapegoats) do sometimes become abusive. But no one is doomed to be abusive, anyone can choose to make an effort to not be abusive, and we can't forget that golden children are victims of abuse too.

[psychelis-new]

Please do “what makes you different from your future spouse’s previous partners”

Hmm... I think the answer is gonna be a little longer and different from the one you may be expecting from me.

It's true that I did it as an 18+ topic already, and ofc you may just be curious to know how you stand out in your partner's eyes, but now I believe this precise topic just helps you (=y'all, from now on) to keep comparing to others in a way or another, and that's something you shouldn't do for your own good. Especially in relationships and especially when it comes to your person's exes.

Ofc we're human and grow up in a twisted society feeling like we need to be and feel better than others in order to have recognition or "keep our prize" (i.e. we need to be sure that our person likes us more than everyone else to feel safe in the relationship), but honestly that's not necessarily the case. In love, we also make rational choices: it's not all based on pure emotions. And tbh "different", doesn't always mean better (but it may be/feel better for that specific time frame you're spending together: we grow, we change our mind, we learn what we want in relationships also by being with people we like for a reason or another. Comparisons aren't always possible, cause one person could be the best for you at a specific time because they balance who you are at that time, and another person could be the best for you at another time, cause you are a different person in that another time... and how they are different doesn't make any of them better for you in general, but only related to a specific version of you --not sure if I am being clear here but I hope so).

Even more if we're talking about your fs/partner or anything of that long-term kind, you ofc are the main focus for them during the relationship and imo you should focus mostly on your present with them and how they behave with you and vice versa: what happened before with anyone else, what they thought about them, it's (or at least should be) a closed chapter; any comparison they may (even unconsciously) happen to do in their mind in specific situations, should at least not be your worry as it's not up to you nor in your power to control it or change anything about it (you can only just be your true self with your person). You're you and ofc you cannot compare with anyone else the same way anyone else can't compare with you; and if your fs/... is with you, it means you have something they really find amazing and matches them for the time you're being together.

I can surely do a reading on this ofc, on "what they find special about you" (even if I already did something on that line), but I am not sure I want to foster any possible trigger/fear in your life/relationships by doing a comparisons reading as you asked me.

And I could also do the opposite topic tbh, "what makes your fs different from your past partners" (which at least may be something you could happen to consider on occasion and it's up to you to control), but... wouldn't it be the same? You were different too when you were with any of your exes, as you lacked some experience you made with them (good or bad, it doesn't matter: you are who you are today also thanks to them). Tbh I also feel comparisons (whatever type they may be and again despite we end up doing them anyway because of a rooted mental pattern) display somehow a(n unconscious and unintentional) lack of respect for all the people involved... and it's not something I'm up for.

Sorry! Take care :)

[abishekmuses]

Neediness This is an interesting topic eh?

I think I've had a problem with this. A huge part of it is inherited.

Weridly, I think i'm not always needly (even in the past).

It's a function of my energy state and emotional state.

I'm writing about this here because I definitely want to think about this topic a lot more in the days to come.

I think Mark Manson's book does a great job of breaking down neediness and its opposite - "non neediness".

I started thinking about this today because of this post I read by Visakan.

3/5/24 Wow how timely - how portentous - I wrote about this two days ago and completely forgot. Here I am now, in the "lower realms" hehe. My heart hurts. I am overcome with grief, sorrow and self-doubt.

I acted needy yesterday I think. And in the light of this state, the whole personage of Abishek looks to be in pretty bad shape. Out of control etc. Self-criticism doesn't help.

Here's what I've learned in this period - one of the lessons anyway - this whole "parents fuck you up" thing is bullshit i think. It might be true on some level but hey they can't fucking help it dude - genetics are at play i think. These behavious patterns. These samkaras. Sub-optimal eh? They need to be optimised through the sublimating process of bringing things into awareness, and accepting them. That's as far as i've gotten.

Then of course, there is aspect of actually taking hold of the controller and playing better. I kind of got there last week. Man for a second here, let me just speak about the linkedin thing - dude as of last week, i was so dialled in - hey but that's what all the warnings were about eh? This is an endurance game man. It's just about blind belief and the inevitable optimisation that'll happen. Maybe at some stage, the optimisation won't happen automatically but we're not there yet.

God it was a telling example of neediness what happened with kamalesh yeseterday - the awareness was there - it really was - i didn't want to say it - it was straining to come out - why? - i think I like the dopamine hits - i'm so starved of that feeling of well being and fulfillemnt - that feeling of having my own respect and feeling like i'm dialled into the game and that i've victories behind me and ahead of me, that i seek any and everything that resembles a small victory. Wow this is an important lesson to learn man. This insight, if properly handled, is going to catapult us so far beyond these levels, you have no idea. This is an amazing moment. This is a moment that is pretty damn close to being a win by itself. I think it IS a win. It doesn't feel like it but it can be - if only I contend with it in the right way, optimise and keep moving forward.

I want that internet money. I fucking want it. There - I fucking said it. I want that fucking internet money. I want to do it right. I want that money but I want it playing in my own aesthetic zone. I will not sell out. I want enough that I can play - I want enough to always see life as play. i want enough to pursue my interests and not have sword hanging over my head. Ok now im thinking if the explanation i ended up with for the oversharing behaviour is actually accurate.

Look at these stuttering thoughts. A mind that works in a very particular way - this is the way my dad's mind works. He must have gone through some serious pain and trauma man - with people mocking him and not giving him respect. I feel for that man so bad right now. I have my english to fall back on. I have my fortress, as johannes puts it. I'm in a lot of pain right now with all my tools, my understandings, my experiences - this whole fucking thing is a fucking dream - a video game - I know this and it still hurts - imagine the plight of that man. Fuck dude I really want to support him and ease his pain somehow. I don't know how yet but this is me making a strong sankalpa towards that end.

These genetics have their limitations - obviously. I can transcend but it's not simply about wishing it to happen. It's not about intellectualising. It's about bringing as many aspects of this into my awareness as possible. Intuitively, i feel like taking charge of my physical appearance is going to a huge step in the right direction. I want to invest more care and attention in this direction. More than anything else, I want to bring awareness there. I remember that it tripped me up in the lighthouse with Julius and Reda as well. It's a shadow spot. A place where awareness doesn't come through in this one - I've seen others having it easy. This resonates.

Which then neatly dovetails into the youtube idea as well man. The more I record myself and persist through the lack of awareness, the pain that is brought on by me doing unaesthetic things due to said lack of awareness and so on - this will work great at getting awareness into those places. Physical exercise is a HUGE part of this that's currently in limbo - it's ok bro - this feels like a rough place to be - it's not. just chill. it's all under control. we gots this!

[neurodispleased]

Putting this under a cut because I've written an entire essay sparked by this and I don't want to bore anyone not ready to read my rambling.

I think this is a really interesting topic of conversation, and that's partly because I feel like this might actually be several different topics of conversation wearing a large coat and pretending to be one.

Respectability politics between mentally ill people feels like one. I know a lot of people with more "socially acceptable" conditions like depression or anxiety tend to shy away from less "socially acceptable" conditions that include symptoms like psychosis, delusions or hallucinations.

Whether Ye's antisemitic comments reflect authentically held belief or are a symptom of mental illness that he can't control feels like another one entirely, especially as we're watching from afar and speculating without concrete information about his internal state.

(For what it's worth, my opinion is entirely informed by the SophieFromMars video "Ye West & The Fascists Who Love Him", and it boils down to "Whether his beliefs are authentic or not, they lead to dangerous grifters taking advantage and spreading harmful beliefs". But that's probably neither here nor there.)

Another could be how morality and mental illness intersect, which opens an entire philosophical can of worms on the nature of good and evil and what is moral and what isn't and I'm pretty sure people have been discussing that on its own without the mental health component for as long as we've been navel-gazing as a species.

And then there's the balancing act of working out where personal responsibility does begin within mental illness. Where is the border between active choice and uncontrollable symptom? If I'm splitting because I have BPD and say something hurtful to a loved one, is that a choice I made or a symptom of my illness? Does it depend on context? On whether I've had therapy? Whether I'm on medication? Whether I have vulnerability factors going on in my life? Do I still need to make amends if it wasn't my fault?

And yet... having written all of these potential things out, I still feel like I'm missing the forest for the trees. Setting all of these different elements out as philosophical questions is interesting, and I think it could make for a good discussion or research topic, but it doesn't feel like the heart of the issue.

The heart of the issue is compassion versus fear.

To paraphrase notatzimisce's tags, people are scared that we're made out of meat that can be damaged and change who we intrinsically are. And that fear leads us to a mindset similar to the one at the heart of bigotry: that of feeling threatened. So we push the idea away, reject it, other it. The people like that aren't like us. They're different. They're bad. They're not like us, the good people, who would never be like that. We would never let our brains trick us into believing conspiracy theories, or refuse to take our medication. We are the Good Ones. Not like them.

The "us vs them" thought pattern comes so naturally to humans and can be so dangerous, and I think we need to actively work against it to foster the opposite of that fear: compassion. When somebody does something that they're compelled to do – whether it's from mental illness, trauma, or even a physical illness or injury affecting their behaviour – it's important to treat that person like a fucking human being rather than some kind of monster who was hiding behind a mask of personhood the entire time.

That doesn't mean you have to like them or enjoy their company, and it doesn't mean you have to put up with them being a dick to you. It means accepting that what is happening to them is beyond their control, it fucking sucks, and it doesn't mean they were always concealing some kind of evil underneath.

Give people grace. I'd want them to do the same for me.

Also I apologise for writing... over six hundred words on this topic. I hope I haven't absolutely embarrassed myself by being an inhumane or inconsiderate dinkweed.

it's deeply bizarre the neorandian position on Personal Responsibility that people will take on mental illness, chiefly because they are worried about people with the Bad Kind of mental illness reflecting poorly on them by proxy. sometimes mental disorders do in fact make you do things

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[echoheart0324]

*deep sigh* So...uh...about the November story update...*deep breath*. Damnitallholyshitwhatthefuckisallofthisinformation. I’ll provide my insight into this topic, along with the traitor talk once more (featuring ‘Darkness’ and their bullshit). I’ve been putting this off for so long, so...RIP I suppose.

Warning: Heavy KHUX spoilers will be discussed, featuring my thoughts and speculation. You have been warned. (Also there’s a lot of stretches and lousy evidence, but I wanted to bring this into light...)

Here’s my general opinion right now:

*yells loudly* I don’t think Lauriam’s on our suspect list!!!

Before y’all get a pitchfork and stab me to death until I bleed out or something (I dunno either), hear me out.

I’ll lend you what I got gathered here. It’s a mess, but it’s something, better than nothing.

()()()

For the KHUX story update that occurred during October, a mysterious figure approached the scenes, going by the name ‘Darkness’ (which is stupid. Who thought that name would be a great addition to the game???).

Although I have no experience with the Japanese language, a few Twitter accounts who I was able to stumble across by, were able to provide valuable information. I won’t be providing names, just in case the info’s false.

Anyways, ’Darkness’ has a specific speech pattern that is apparent, exclusively to the JP version. The figure uses the pronoun of ‘ore’, which Marluxia/Lauriam don’t seem to use, where instead they use ‘boku’? Though I think the other guys use ‘ore’. (So in all honesty, I had Lauriam crossed off my list for a while now, but today let it rest to bed.)

Even though I probably look like a Blaine stan (...I never thought I’d say that out loud...I’m never going to say that again...), I’m going to point the finger of blame, as the traitor and murderer of Strelitzia, at...*looks at smudged hand*...Brain. (Wow, what sort of timeline is this where I use his ‘official name’...oh well one step a time to sever bonds I suppose to spare myself the pain) It’s odd, I know, but hear me out.

()()()

*lifts up glasses* So, this is where I get into the nitty gritty, what-the-fuck are you on Echo, speculation things. This is more of a personal-level thing and I know Nomura’s going to do something to catch us off guard with the element of surprise. That’s why we’re going to think like him for a minute.

In all honesty, it could be Ven as the traitor right? I know a lot of people jumped onto this, as soon as Lauriam brought up the whole ‘sister’ thing (with the translations being all iffy. Maybe in a year we’ll find out, who knows). I can definitely see this happening, but I find it quite odd...

I’m aware of the fact that Ven didn’t seem to know what ‘Shift Pride’ was (and his reaction to it was kinda...unnerving). I’ve also already brought this up in the past, but:

(The Union Leaders all come in order, except for Brain and Ven.)

I don’t understand why they’d have everyone else in order, but huh. Something's off.

However, Ven does bring up meeting Master Ava (and I really hope it isn't him) and he was against 'Shift Pride', so I trust him.

()()()

Next up on our list, we have Lauriam. Since the story update for November introduced Elrena/Erlena (oh gosh it’s the Blaine/Brain situation all over again. I dunno what the official team’s gonna go for, but I have a bad habit of sticking with the ‘l’ names, so fuck y’all), we have...quite a batch here. Since the script was being vague and everything, we don’t know exactly who Strelitzia’s older sibling is.

I mean...if it was his own sibling, then Lauriam has to go to the time-out corner for murdering your own family member (if he did do it). If it was Elrena’s relation to Strelitzia, then that’s a different story.

Based off the subtle interactions we got, Lauriam seems to have some sort of relationship to Strelitzia, going to the extent of interacting with another fellow Keyblade wielder for the sake of it. I know it’s probably a far too gap to reach for, but I want to believe that these two are partners working behind the scenes to crack down who the traitor/murderer is.

()()()

This is where I bring up the official art (y’know, like an idiot who analyzes everything).

Interestingly, Ephemera (if you flip the image, he’s leaning to their direction and his eyes are focused over to their direction so shhh it counts), Skuld, Ven, and Lauriam are all looking the same way to the left! Meanwhile, Brain and the hooded figure (which I assume is Elrena) are facing the opposite direction. (I dunno how Chirithy fits in this honestly...so uh...)

This is the stretch of the century (and I’m 99.99% sure I’m wrong), but notice how the hooded figure is slightly looking downwards, their chin down. We can’t see what their eyes are focusing on too well (and I might as well be blind), but it’s possible that Elrena is looking down upon Brain (damn it. Or onto the flower...eh...). Maybe she knows that Brain has something to do with her/Lauriam’s sister’s ‘disappearance’.

To add onto the above further, it’s possible that the others do learn of a traitor in their midst. However, they’re all blinded by their own doubts and beliefs, making them face the wrong culprit. Meanwhile Brain faces the other direction and smiles widely (...I just noticed he's the only one with his mouth open), knowing they’ll assume it’s someone other than himself. (And then Elrena kicks his ass. I dunno.)

()()()

And just for fun, the other day (sometime back in filler hell) I scrambled up Brain’s name and got ‘Binar’. I was curious so I looked it up to see if it meant anything or if there was anything at least related. Well, *slides in* it’s possible that it could also mean ‘binary’ (just remove the ‘y’, just like Ephemer with the word ‘ephemeral’). ‘What the fuck does binary have to do with anything???’ you may ask. Heh...so it was recently confirmed that the Keykids are all linked to the data world, and y’all know what codes for data? Binary numbers...binary code to be more precise! (Maybe he has some sort of extra knowledge of the data in the worlds??? Or he could just be in complete control???)

I really dunno what else to add here, since it’s odd, but it may as well be a coincidence that I picked up on by mistake. Maybe we’ll bring this up again another day, once we have more information at our disposal.

()()()

Read up on this.

If you already read my little mess of speculation on nobility at the bottom of that post, then we’re good!

Anyways, if we follow the idea that Brain is the traitor, then what were his motives in the first place? For crying out loud, he really doesn't seem like he gives a shit about the meetings (as seen below).

Books, huh? Based off of this phrase alone, it's possible that he's looking for something, something related to information and possibly exclusive to the chambers. He's also seen being impatient and hurries to leave once he believes the case is settled, only to be stopped. (Or he just wants to read and avoid social interaction...mood.)

Maybe he wants something more than that. So what is 'nobility'? By definition it's: "the quality of being noble in character, mind, birth, or rank."

I already went over this in the previous post and I brought up that he could be of noble blood, but something most likely went wrong, horribly. Adding to the fact, that his name also means 'son of the judge' and/or 'high/noble'. So why would he have killed Strelitzia off? What could he have gained from that???

*tips hat* I...I'm not too sure either. There's countless possibilities (and we're dealing with Nomura for crying out loud). Besides information, I really don't see what else he can gain.

So how does 'Darkness' fit into this? I'm also not sure either, since we know barely anything of them in the first place. Maybe some undercover...

(I'm too tired and I keep forgetting where I'm trying to go with this...it's driving me nuts.)

()()()

Feel free to add anything, I was kinda in a rush while writing this, so I'm all over the place!

[djswayy]

I think this post is warranted

Sex. Let's talk, y'all.

How is something so pervasive so actively sought and vilified? I don't get it.

Wait a minute. I think I do.

You see, everyone enters sex with different expectations and dynamics in mind as to how they see "the sex" to operate as.

I think the need for morals and values is nothing bad, it can be a great tool for our society. However, over time certain guidelines seem to have been tainted a bit of political will in it.

You don't normally think politics when associating sex.

But think about it.

Subconciously, a lot of folk out there seek carnal pleasure with a sort of power dynamic involved that defines the entirely of the operation as a whole.

You have a submissive one. And a dominant one.

This creates a whole set of power plays meant and expected to be met for the sake of the verocity.

I have found those who generally feel some control in their lives (in the gay scene) opt for the passive role. While those who seek the top usually do so because they lack some if any amount of discernable control over their circumstances. Not that it is absolutr truth. It's not. But it is a pattern worth nothing.

There are those that despite control or not, don't care for the power play dynamics at all. Instead they conform to what makes them feel most....desired? Again this is a gay perspective. Those who don't get off on "dominating" someone metaphorically wouldn't also get off from being "dominated." Instead they would opt the route that allows them pleasure and a more intense feeling of physical validation or appreciation.

Now, where I was going with this was that no matter what type of sex among humans, it is never ever straight forward. It is never ever simple. It is never ever something degenerative so the person allows it to be. Self respect comes from within. If others mock you for allowing yourself some of what your body has been demanding since puberty then that isn't your issue.

Sex is so complicated. Others sanctify it. Others don't. Others maintain some degrees of insanity when confronted with potential threats to the access of their own sex/partner. Others won't. Others see sex as nothing to gawk at. Others will groan in disgust at it.

It doesn't matter where you stand on the topic.

It is the product of sex that allowed your existence.

Religious or not.

It might be time to remember we can be sexual beings, because we are.

Every living creature is.

Some may argue sex should be for procreation.

Some would argue it shouldn't.

Time and time again we're told "that's just the way things are."

Yet we can hardly feed everyone in our neighborhoods, you think even a creator would want us creating a mess he did not intend?

Leaving that space aside, I also believe it is paramount to realize that sex is like a type of paradox.

It allows both parties to channel their emotions and let them out in a way we don't get to in normal life.

That anger? That resentment? That pain? That lust? That arousal? That annoyance?

Sex is uncomfortable because it reminds us of how we are and we can't even accept that.

To fear sex is to fear life. It means to fear the good and the bad. The possibilities. The nots.

This is by no means an ad to go rabbit mode or reject your beliefs. Not at all.

This is a conversation about what sex means to you.

If you haven't thought about it, what does it mean to you?

Sure, it sounds ridiculous.

But wars have started over the desire for sex with others. Helen of Troy is an example.

You have sexually repressed men in history unable to let all that out, opting for the only chance they see to prove their manhood and creating mass fighting.

Not all wars. But you get the point.

If someone is more sexually active than normal, why do you think they do?

If someone is not, why do you think they don't?

Laugh at yourself when you get that uncontrollable urge and tell me it's practical to behave that way.

What makes you uncomfortable, you fear.

What you fear makes you not see the clear picture.

Sex isn't a duty. Sex is an extension of your persona already whether you do it or not.

There are good and bad folk of all subgroups everywhere.

Unless you allow yourself to understand, you never will.

[bumblebeesystem]

(Tone is sharing/happy babbling, nothing bad)

"At first, I thought I was able to control these alternate versions of me"

Same. For years, I thought all of these alternate versions of me were my imagination that I could control. And I kinda hurt some of my fellow system members (we use "system members" instead of "alters" for ourselves) with it. Nothing serious, nothing unfixable. Just some things I apologized for and we talked out and worked through.

(Putting this behind a "keep reading" since it's a bit long. I'm babbling just in case my experiences can help any other systems.)

I'm trying to think of an example, but my memory's not that great... (I always thought I didn't have amnesia, until I started paying attention to the patterns of when my memory was fuzzy and what I couldn't remember while I was feeling like which version of myself.)

I've always shipped in fandoms. And back when I was monogamous, that made some of my partners kinda uncomfortable. It happened to the point where when I'd start a new relationship, I'd force myself to just... stop thinking about my fictional relationships and focus on my "real" one. (I shouldn't have done that. Shipping is fine in monogamy. But, well. It's what I did.)

Little did I know that the fictional person I forced myself to stop thinking about was a fictive system member. I just shoved him out completely one day. Stopped thinking about him, stopped talking to him, stopped interacting with him. Completely threw him away, until the relationship ended... and then he was right there, hurt but ready to come back.

Rinse and repeat over and over. Discard, welcome back, discard, welcome back. Eventually I started to feel guilty, but I kept telling myself "he's not real, he's just an imagining, there's nothing to feel guilty about." In hindsight, the amount of times I had to repeat that to myself to convince myself of it probably should've told me something.

Or another example is like... I don't have only an internal monologue, I have an internal dialogue too. I always told myself that it's fine because I can control the voices I'm talking to. (By "voice" here I don't mean auditory hallucination like hearing it from outside my head. I mean internal dialogue that's only in my mind.) I could make them say something else if I tried hard enough - if I ignored the tense feeling and discomfort that came along with doing so. And if I fought hard enough against the voice to make it do my bidding.

Sometimes, I'd make the voices say or do things they wouldn't do just to prove to myself that they weren't real and that I was in control. Or if I started a new monogamous relationship and felt the need to discard the ships again, I'd force them to say mean things to me so I could have a fight with them and not talk to them again (until the relationship was over).

An important part of everyone in our system finding their individuality and autonomy has been reassuring everyone that I won't do this to them anymore. I often check in with them to make sure I'm not doing it again accidentally without realizing it. "Am I putting words in your mouth? Am I right in thinking you want this? Do you actually like this or am I reading the situation wrong?"

It's been long enough now since I did it that I'm starting to trust our internal communication better. And the way we've worked together as a system to set up all the sideblogs on @bumblebeesystemhub has helped with that. I see a post and just... know, somehow, who wants to reblog it. Who wants to like this thing? Who has an interest in this topic? How strong is their interest? Do they wanna do something with it that we're not currently doing? Sometimes I stop before reblogging and ask "you really do like this, right? I'm not assuming your likes for you or anything, right?" Just to make sure.

Anyway! That got longer than I meant it to. It's just, I read that line and thought YUP, YEAH, ME TOO, BEEN THERE.

"These 'alternate versions of myself' are confusing as they feel like me but with certain traits of mine turned up to the extreme."

ALSO SAME.

We're autistic. Not officially diagnosed because good luck getting that as an afab adult. Difficult to find, expensive to get, etc etc. But self-diagnosis is valid and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they can go shove it.

So like, you know how autism is a spectrum? Meaning like, take a color wheel. One person might have red green and blue from the spectrum, while another person might have orange yellow and pink. And even among pink, someone might have pastel while someone else has neon while someone else has dark.

It can be the same way in a system. ALL of us are autistic, but some of us have different colors or different shades of that color. And we can all have different special interests - that feeling of EXTRA LIKING something and being super passionate about it and getting great feelings from it. Again setting up sideblogs for everyone has helped us see that.

Take gardening, for example. Now, we're a big system - polyfragmented, they call it. We have well over 100 system members with subsystems among subsystems, and it's all pretty complicated. Not all systems are gonna be like this. But we are, and we're highly specific.

We have one member for flower gardening, one for tropical plant gardening, one for general green stuff/vegetables/urban homesteading, one for butterfly and moth host plants, and one for fruit trees. When the host plant one is around, we wanna do ALL THE HOST PLANTS and aren't really excited about vegetables. But when the vegetable one is around, we wanna do ALL THE VEGETABLES and completely forget about host plants.

Before we realized this, all we really knew was that our gardening plans were constantly changing. We chalked it up to our adhd. And sure, it's part of that. Because 100+ adhd people all sharing the same headspace can get a LITTLE WILD sometimes. But it's not only that.

If I were to make a venn diagram of all of our gardening members, the middle would be empty. There is noone who has ALL of the gardening knowledge. We always have multiple people co-fronting and co-conscious. But unless all 5 of the gardening members are around at the same time... we won't remember how to do everything, and we won't be enthusiastic enough to do everything.

This happens with crafting, too. One wants to sew, one wants to paint, one wants to do clay...

Or with cooking. One wants to make muffins, one wants to make donuts, one wants to make meat, one wants to be vegetarian...

Or religion. One wants to be atheist, one wants to be agnostic, one wants to be pagan, one wants to be Muslim...

A thing I said to our therapist recently is that I understand more why we always have that "there's never enough hours in the day" feeling. Because most people have 24 hours in a day for ONE person's set of hobbies and interests. We have to divide that 24 hours between EVERYONE'S hobbies and interests. Good luck finding a way to do that.

Okay now this is even longer, I'm gonna stop here. Dunno if that'll help you or anyone else to read or not, but... yeah. Welcome, and you're not alone.

Bad at intros but let me try...

Hey hey! You can call me Crisp and I made this account due to confusion within myself. Normally, I use He/him pronouns but I have alternate versions of myself that use other pronouns, generally neopronouns.

These 'alternate versions of myself' are confusing as they feel like me but with certain traits of mine turned up to the extreme. (Example: If normally, I slightly like plushies, I could have an alternate version of me that LOVES plushies to the point that it is all they care about.)

At first, I thought I was able to control these alternate versions of me but now I am not too sure with it spiraling out of control to the point that I have so many alt gmail accounts and random accounts across the internet. They could be 30+ at this point.

Someone has brought up the possibility of this being plurality which I am hesitant to really agree that it is but I am running out of options so... That's what this account is for. I am hoping to look into the plurality community and see if my experience really is related to this.

So yeah.

Uhhh...

If you have any advice or thoughts about all of this, I would be happy to listen and hear! Thanks!