#we're all people and we love each other and we're happy to be in each other's lives and that's enough
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divasroses · 2 days ago
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my personalll astrology observations ; )
hi y'all thank you for liking my first post perioddd 🤪. but these are my most prominent astrology observations based off my personal experiences w these placements, not fact <3.
. . .
- libra & virgos can both be huge perfectionists about how they express themselves creatively and just in general 🫠. I feel like they are both their own worst critic, always challenging themselves to do better. let’s remember to be kind to ourselves okay guys 😭🤞🏾.
- speaking of virgos, a lot of times they can be way more intuitive than some pisces placements! and vice versa, i’ve seen some pisces placements be kind of cold and super logical like you would expect from a virgo.
- i truly truly admire the heart of leo placements and they are my fav fire sign 👩🏾‍🍳🤌🏾💋. specifically sun. you'll ask them something like 'can I stay the night?' and they'll look at you like you're stupid LMAO. it’s like for them, most questions/favors from their loved ones are an automatically yes so they truly don’t understand asking first . one that I’m close with will say “are you asking me or are you telling me?” 😭 like girl obviously asking. they’re just very generous.
-pisces men & their hidden children, or estranged relationships w their children. whattt is up w that? 😕and them being prone to violence :(. it sucks because as a scorpio i usually root for them and want the best but damn. chill out 😭.
- really admire the drive and passion of aries men but we can only be friends/business partners( maybeee). my thing with them is they put themselves first obviously and you respect it but then you realize they’re willing to do almost anything to achieve that!!!😭… like manipulating the people around them because they know how much they love them 😩. yikes babe.
- shout out all libra placements, from a libra moon! i feel like people are always trying to say we're two faced/fake but it's just our scalessss !! 😩💗constantly weighing, trying to decide what's best for us and our loved ones. gemini truly has the two-faced tendencies and sometimes they choose whatever opinion seems more popular or shocking 😭🤦🏾‍♀️ . just fickle as hell sometimes, you gemini placements lol. i love y'all tho.
- i've seen a lot of leo x sag relationships in my lifetime and it's cute every time 🔥. seems like leo really holds sag down, and obviously they match each other's spark. however, I have seen sag become dissatisfied with this over time and cheat/escape. not permanately but yeah.
*** some of my other fav couples: cancer x gemini, libra x aquarius, cap x leo, virgo x capricorn, scorpio x pisces ( ☺️), pisces x taurus. ****
- for me close friends = earth placements. specifically cap. (cap does rule my 7th house, so no surprise there). but outside of that, i do value stability so obviously earth is good. idk people say they're boring and evil, i don't usually see that side of them? i know they can say some dumb things though. it's like they'll piss you off once in a while but they're not going anywhere. + they're funny.
- why do aquarius low key act like pisces when they're in love?? they really put their blinders on when it comes to their partner and kind of ignore that logic i expect from them. the person in mind has an aquarius sun & venus. a different aquarius was telling me like yeah they do that, they don't care if their partner cheats or whatever, they will stay. im like wow and I thought I was bad lmao.
- the evil scorpio experiences has to be coming from the men !! 😩 if a scorpio women does you wrong she’s hurt. if a scorpio man does you wrong he’s bored !!
let me know what y’all think/ if you want me to touch on something specific!! happy sunday 🌅.
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hyog-blog · 2 days ago
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Fangs of Fortune (ep. 01 + ep. 02)
Okay, I managed to successfully not spoil any of the show's details (apart from it being stunningly beautiful), so I'm going in fully unprepared :D Already sensing a lot of drama brewing - the plot is twisting from the very beginning of the show! Even before we were properly introduced to all the main characters.
But first things first - why is everything so pretty? The people, the scenes, the visual effects, the rain falling down, the floating clothes, the makeup, those huge tears running down Zhuo Yichen's pretty face, the shots, the angles, the backgrounds, the music playing in the back.
It's just wow, the aesthetics is off-charts, delivering in each and every scene. I'm digging the desaturated bluish color palette with cyan/teal shadows, it's so moody and kind of hints at a not-so-happy story with torment and whatnot (I probably won't be able to prepare myself for what's about to come, so I won't even try XD)
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Also, the visuals have a dream-like quality to them (and I'm guessing that's a thing? That's definitely a thing). All the details are crispy-clear until they aren't, and there's a very pleasant trippy feeling in the movement of the shots/camera/special fx, etc. It's very peculiar and incredibly immersive at the same time. As a viewer, you get a feeling that you're inside the show, the sets, and whatever demonic witchery is going on in the scene.
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Next, Hou Minghou delivers his role like he was born for it. Regal, demonic, deceptive, sensual, sexual, humorous, cunning, gentle, caring, hurting, vicious... This man has had each and every type of emotion in the course of just 2 episodes and we still have no idea where's the real him (it's like you want to believe he's doing what he's doing out of the kindness of his demonic heart, but the history is telling otherwise). And I can already sense that the promise our boy Zhuo Yichen made to him will come and bite everyone in their pretty asses somewhere along the line (it's, like, already palpable).
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Everyone has gotten deliciously stabby with our dashing demon Zhao Yuanzhou right from the first episode. Is this the show's love language? XD Because I'm sensing it is)) I have to admit it's kind of kinky. Even more than just a little. And if that's the M/M/F love triangle we're going for, then I'm all up for it :D
Oh, and all those funny moments? Going from dark to darkly humorous is just adding to the trippiness. I'm loving all of it so far - it's mysterious, incredibly intriguing, and all the characters are so delicious that I had to pause the scenes many times to grab those screenshots because of how amazing everything looks. And a lot of things are kind of... suggestive.
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The show is so moody and visually stunning that I don't even have the words to describe it yet. Will need to watch more episodes to form some kind of opinion apart from 'wooooow' XD Also, it's hotter than heat itself and there are all kinds of delicious vibes going on. Other than that - so, so pretty! And fantasy-like in the best possible, albeit a little nightmarish way.
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shady-swan-jones · 1 day ago
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An excellent, comprehensive response. Couldn't have said it better.
If I may say something to the anon: fandoms are inherently leaderless. That person you're referring to tries to speak for all of us, and when it was pointed out that they don't have such authority, they lashed out and got their friend to leak private conversations of people who disagreed with them in a private forum, all to create drama and feel important.
Do not let such people nor this incident steal your love for the ship, the show, nor the fandom. We are here to uplift, not police each other.
"you don’t owe anyone your time or effort just because they think it’s essential."
No one can dictate your engagement. You can post as much or as little as you choose. We're happy to have you as you are.
Hey, just want to say thank you for your post following the TROP rumors and all. Especially for your paragraphs saying that Haladriels are not the entire audience of TROP 😭 I'm a haladriel/saurondriel and I am feeling so burnt out because loud voices in our shipping ranks are constantly telling us to "produce content non-stop" to "keep the team's eyes" on the ship and I hate that this is draining me of my enjoyment... I'm afraid to talk, comment on their posts, tell them they're wrong for doing this because they are "loud" voices in the shipping ranks and I feel very alone... You post hits the nail on the fact that we, shippers, are not the "entire" audience and that we can relax so thank you so, so much for being level-headed and for making this post 😭😭🙏🙏🙏
A haladriel/saurondriel shipper.
Hey there, thank you so much for reaching out!!
First, let me say how sorry I am that you’re going through this.
Shipping should be a fun, creative outlet where you can explore stories and connections that make you happy—not something that feels like a chore or a high-stakes game to keep a ship “relevant.” It’s incredibly unfair that anyone would put this kind of pressure on you (or any shipper, really).
A quick note before I dive in: This post isn’t about shading anyone’s ship, whether it’s Haladriel, Saurondriel, Elrondriel, or anything else. I’m coming at this as someone who loves fandom and believes we should be able to enjoy our spaces without unnecessary stress or pressure—regardless of what ship we’re sailing on. This is about broader fandom dynamics, not ship wars or personal preferences. So whether you ship Haladriel, Elrondriel, or even something rare like Gil-galad/Sauron (hey, no judgment here), this applies to everyone.
I’m just an Elrondriel (Elrond/Galadriel) shipper sharing observations about fandom dynamics I’ve seen—it’s not tied to any specific ship.
Hot take but, just because some voices are loud doesn’t mean they’re right.
Being the loudest in the room doesn’t make someone the smartest, the kindest, or the most insightful. It just makes them loud—and exhausting, if I’m being honest.
I’m not a Haladriel/Saurondriel shipper, but that doesn’t matter.
Nobody deserves to feel like their fandom experience is being dictated by others, and it breaks my heart that you feel like you can’t even comment or speak up for fear of backlash. Your voice matters, and your enjoyment of your ship matters. Please don’t let the pressure steal that from you.
Shipping isn’t supposed to be a war for visibility—it’s about celebrating the stories and dynamics you love.
And let me just say, the whole idea of shippers being the sole “eyes” on a show is nonsense.
Sorry not sorry.
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Like I said in my post, while ships might be a part of the fandom, nobody is the entirety of the audience—not Haladriels, not Saurondriels, not Elrondriels, not anyone.
The team behind The Rings of Power isn’t sitting in a council chamber of Lindon tallying ship content like it’s some sort of fanfiction popularity contest. Trust me, they’re not lurking in the shadows of Mount Doom, whispering, “Which ship reigns supreme?” They’re focused on the bigger picture—crafting a story that weaves together epic arcs, characters, and lore while keeping the show engaging for a global audience.
At the end of the day, what truly sways their decisions isn’t a battle of ships but the cold, hard numbers (Bezos’s precious, if you will). Ratings, viewer retention, and the broad reception of the show will hold more sway than who’s penning the most fanfiction or tweeting the loudest.
It’s the Fellowship of metrics, not a popularity contest in the Prancing Pony.
You know, I think it’s important to note something about the loudest voices pushing these kinds of demands: more often than not, they’re loud because they’re insecure. Truly secure and confident people don’t feel the need to shout their opinions from the rooftops or guilt-trip others into action. The ones making all this noise about "we have to do this," "be active on every platform," "produce endless content," etc., are likely projecting their own fears and anxieties onto everyone else.
And that’s not your burden to carry.
Frankly, this level of seriousness they’re bringing to the table is exhausting—and unnecessary.
We’re talking about a TV show.
Some of these folks are acting like if their ship isn’t front and center, the Eye of Bezos will turn its gaze upon them and smite their content from existence. Spoiler alert besties: it won’t!!
Seriously, these people need to chill out.
They’re treating this like the War of the Last Alliance when, in reality, it’s more like a friendly debate in the Green Dragon over a pint. It’s okay to be passionate, but when you’re marshaling your forces to “produce content non-stop” and acting like Galadriel preparing for a battle against ultimate evil, you might be taking this whole thing a little too far.
The thing is, nobody—and I mean nobody—is sitting there in a dark tower, tallying how much fan art or fic exists for one ship versus another. Amazon isn’t crafting their narrative based on which tag is trending. This isn’t a race to Mount Doom; it’s a TV show meant to entertain, inspire, and occasionally frustrate us.
By all means, love your ship, create content, and engage with others—but maybe let’s leave the doomsday rhetoric and One Ship to Rule Them All vibes in Mordor where they belong.
It's supposed to be a piece of entertainment meant to bring us joy, inspire creativity, and spark meaningful discussions—not a battlefield where everyone has to prove their worth or risk their ship "sinking." The sheer pressure they’re piling on isn’t just unproductive; it’s counterproductive. It’s alienating people like you who just want to enjoy what they love in peace.
And let’s be real: there are so many bigger issues in the world than fandom dynamics. Who has the energy to turn their hobbies into a high-stakes competition? If the energy they’re pouring into pressuring others was instead spent on, I don’t know, actually creating content they enjoy, the fandom would be a much healthier, happier place.
At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone your time or effort just because they think it’s essential. The pressure to be "active" on every platform or constantly churning out content isn’t sustainable, and it’s not what makes a fandom thrive. What truly matters is passion and genuine engagement, and if that means stepping back to preserve your joy, then that’s 100% valid.
So, don’t let their insecurity or intensity rob you of the enjoyment you deserve. Focus on what makes you happy, and leave the rest to sort itself out.
So take a deep breath. You don’t owe anyone constant content, and you certainly don’t owe anyone your silence. If those loud voices in your ship’s ranks are draining you, it’s okay to step back. Your enjoyment and mental health come first. And if you ever need a break or someone to rant to, my DMs are always open Anon!
You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it. You that you deserve to enjoy your ships your way—no pressure, no strings attached, no loud voices dictating the terms. Sending you the biggest, warmest hug (and maybe a cup of lembas tea, because we all need it sometimes). 💛
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months ago
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you inspire me to have kissy friends i love that but im still fighting being awkward about intimacy 😭💔
for me i understand myself and the way i love p well, and being v simplistic about it the line between platonic and romantic isn't there for me if i think ur cute and cool, i am just getting to know n appreciate u as a person! fundamentally.. which ways our connection blossoms and our dynamics will come about naturally :3 i am p open though!! i am honest and love giving ppl compliments and positive feedback; there r a couple different ways i could go about being more affectionate and intimate with a friend.
one is when u just are getting to know someone as a friend, u can ask about their boundaries and let them know u r affectionate with friends!! if they are too then there u go ♡⁠
the other is becoming closer and comfortable with someone and u feel something shift in ur relationship, and u can tell them u would like to be more affectionate and if they r okay with that ask what they are comfortable with :3
the fun one is recognizing a mutual brain break going on realtime 👁️👁️ if you're not brave enough to say anything in the moment u can always confess later and tell them ur having Thoughts about them and get a feel for how they feel abt you. you can offer them More and it doesn't have to change ur relationship with each other.
the common thread is being communicative and talking about boundaries, and if ur having a hard time w emotional intimacy i think a great place to start is being more open and honest ♡⁠ wear ur heart on ur sleeve. even if u don't feel comfortable or brave enough to tell ur friends u love them, there's nothing stopping you from telling them Why u love them. i love complimenting ppl and thanking them and telling them i had fun, i tell them when they look cute and love their outfits and what i love specifically or I'll hype up ur jewelry or hair change etc; if I'm feeling sentimental about something between us i will tell u how i feel and make sure u know u are appreciated.
i don't give compliments or praise or sentiments expecting anything in return, I'm just communicating my thoughts yk? take it as is and do with it what u will kind of thing, i just like being open!! i am of the opinion that people could stand to hear how great they are more often (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) I'd like 2 think everybody likes feeling Seen, appreciated, understood, praised.
it's a lovely conversation starter but sometimes u just find someone u rly click with and as a dynamic i think practicing openness and honesty with each other on the little things makes room for u to be comfortable communicating bigger more sentimental and intimate things later on if ur friendship is going like that ♡⁠
and with the boy specifically it was a combination of things.. we already had a great friendship and we had gotten a lot closer and more comfortable with each other conversationally, but phew i hadn't seen him in a good couple months i think?? and over that time i became comfortable with myself and Very t4t, and i got a lot hotter too when i went from fem to stem and he hadn't seen me in my masc era yet lol. not in person at least
anyways his birthday was coming up and i wanted to offer him a chain like mine and to make him a collar, and i was gonna go bring him his chain after work as a gift ^.^ ♡⁠ when we finally got to see each other again oh my god lol he was in a sleeveless top w his arms out and For Some Reason i was more attracted to him than i had ever been 💀 i was trying not to stare too hard bc the whole time internally i was like AAAAA HE'S HOT HELP AKSKSKAK, BUT ☝🏾😌 I've had enough mutual brain breaks going on to know when someone's rly feeling me and i could tell lol. i originally just meant to stop by Real Quick but i ended up staying and hanging out for the evening (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠) i wasn't brave enough to say anything at first but i could not stop thinking about his shoulders and upper back and neck for like 2 days straight and i had to say Something.
being deliriously horny about him i was like GIRL OMFG DON'T DIE WONDERING TELL HIM SOMETHING and i sent him this 🙈
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and he was glad i said something and was straightforward bc he was also having thoughts but wasn't sure if he could/should say anything ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ ♡⁠ so we talked about boundaries and we're still friends like we were but we're affectionate with each other now too and it's a sweet way to deepen our friendship. we r exploring being sweet friends together 👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏾 butch4butch t4t real...
i have a good idea of how i want to navigate polyamory but putting it into practice and loving my friends more intentionally, fundamentally and to the fullest w my current perspective is new for me! and being affectionate in general is new to him, so I'm happy that we can be vulnerable and brave about it together ♡⁠ i can be a lil clumsy and he can be a lil awkward but i think we're very cute 😌🥰 he's a good boy (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠ ⁠) ♡⁠
this ain't exactly a guide but it's a bit of what i got going on, take what u will from it (⁠。⁠・⁠ω⁠・⁠。⁠)⁠ノ to be open with ur friends is a beautiful thing and i think things tend to develop naturally. i wish u the best of luck on ur quest w intimacy 🫶🏾
#v stoned rn so sry for rambling sm but i love love and could truly talk in sm other directions/depths abt it#so ty for the ask bc i am happy to talk and think about The Boy ♡⁠ and yeah i hope this is at least a little helpful in some way#i have sm different thoughts and feelings about this man.. the way I've had a secret crush on him multiple times (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠)#he's very charming and considerate and is wonderful company#i think I've cooled off enough though and i rly enjoy what we have going on rn ^.^#i like having friends I'm like this with more than the idea of dating someone. esp after 11 yrs of monogamy#like the relationships themselves were great and there's 2 specifically when i say 11yrs bc i was w these ppl for 5 and 6 yrs respectively#but they were also socially isolating and suffocating and unsatisfying in different ways ૮ – ﻌ–ა i think what I'm doing is more fun#and fulfilling for me :3 i don't like having to live up to the Idea of a partner esp in a social/community way esp when the community is#cishet ppl and they push gender expectations on u but like.. in a gender dysphoria inducing way. obv depends on the fam#but it's just a lot less pressure and a different dynamic and it feels a lot more genuine and intimate in that I'm sm more#comfortable being open w my friends‚ and since the foundation is me loving them fundamentally i feel like#people who come to love me in these kinds of friendships like really love me for me yk? like i am sm more than just the role#i can fulfill for u and i feel like i can really be all that and be seen and be appreciated w my friends more bc the pressure's not#there interpersonally or socially. we just talk‚ we hang out‚ we're vulnerable with each other‚ we accept each other‚ luv each other for#who we are. no one's expectations are on us and we don't have expectations of each other. just some sort of sweet relationship that#can always be taken in whatever direction we want as long as we're on the same page w each other ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა
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skecherss · 4 months ago
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Wait what are your petty grievances with wfa
Well. They are indeed petty. My primary one being that it just feels like they're....having too much of a good time.
which isn't even so much a writing flaw as me knowing what i want out of a story; I tend to gravitate a lot towards fluff and snuggles myself but I gravitate to them as a balm for my spiritual aches. I seek comfort when I need comforting, and I want the fluff coming to the characters who ALSO need comfort. It's hard for me to empathize with characters who aren't feeling any of an ordinary day's stress that I might feel. especially when they're engaged in activities and experiences that realistically would result in MUCH higher levels of mental and emotional strain.
(also i have five siblings and it feels cruelly unrealistic for the Wayne sibs to hang out as much as they do and not fight. I'm not talking about the petty bickering. Bickering isn't the same thing as leaving a conversation with your brother and being filled with a genuine rageful desire to PUNT the little jerk)
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zedif-y · 2 years ago
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i say this with my entire chest. hold hands with your friends!!
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crownedwille · 2 years ago
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if young royals season 2 has a million fans i'm one of them. if young royals season 2 has ten fans, then i am one of them. if young royals season 2 has only one fan then that is me. if young royals season 2 has no fans, then that means i am no longer on earth. if the world is against young royals season 2 then i am against the world
#i just felt the need to make this meme lmao#yrtalk#i love season 2 so much like i'm hyperfixaxing specifically on that one#season one is beautiful and great obviously and has a certain magic to it and i get why so many love that season#but maybe bc there was so much hype around that first season i wanna give some love to season 2#people who didn't like s2: i'm so sorry you didn't get it#and who complain about the lack of wilmon intimacy scenes and how much we get of sara and august: die mad about it i guess#no literally you didn't get it#i personally love to see wilhelm and simon separately and see them make mistakes and pine after one another#i also love their not so sweet moments when we get fights between them - both scenes in ep 5 of both seasons - they're so good#painful but necessary and they're also so good at those moments when they're not being tender and happy with each other#the conflict and arguments aren't cheap and annoying how it often can be in shows to create drama between a couple#but that's not the case with them and when it's actually important and necessary i love conflict#bc we're coming out on the other side then#it's about the growth#all the conflict was so important this season so we could get to that ending#alright that just went a little into another direction#anyway that doesn't mean you can't prefer season 1 but objectively s2 is at least just as good#maybe i'm biased bc i didn't get obsessed with yr until after s2 came out and basically binged them both together#and wasn't immediately into the show when s1 came out like almost everyone else seemed to be#young royals
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silverselfshippingchaos · 1 year ago
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so in love with the idea of my f/os loving and supporting my sexuality
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angeloncewas · 2 years ago
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Making myself anxious over plans I don't need to make but feel like I should
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait
#🌙.vents#bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too#i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh#n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah#n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n#yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i#middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like#my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends#n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then#someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah#n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs#i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but#i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't.#ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah#used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends.#oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n#you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too#but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow#ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me#we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless#i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless#ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the#i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what#to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too#serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life#most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears#in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop.#sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck#nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends#i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 9 months ago
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Guessssss what time it is??
7am
Guess who's still awake?
Me
Guess who has to feed their dog in two hours, and get ready for work in five hours?
Me
And guess who has to have a camp meeting directly after their work shift? And has to actually be coherent and make a schedule and discuss their ideas and needs for the summer?
Yeah you probs got it
Guess who won't be coherent for it?
Yeah
#i just feel like shit in my brain rn#i tried to start a new knitting project but the yarn was not cooperating so its just strewn all over my floor#ive played a lot of minecraft#i started watching the unsleeping city. i fucking love it so far#and noe im watching a youtuber react th five seconds flat by lizzy mcalpine#oh yeah i listened to that whole album earlier#after googling an ex to see how happy and successful she is without me#im moving in june. i just finished unpacking from when i moved in August#i think moving actually kills a part of your soul every time you do it#i lived in michigan most of my life. then moved to illinois when i turned 18#then a year and a half later i moved to wisconsin#now ive moved far far away from there. but it hasnt gone well. i moved in with my sibling#but i was only able to get a part time job. so im living paycheck to paycheck. incredibly not doing well#i dont like the environment here. the people are not the way that im used to#like im used to midwest nice. but here people are threatening to stab each other on the subway. its not ideal#there werent any fall colors. its only snowed twice. its just not for me. but i still did a lot of work to get here#i left everything i was used to. all of my friends. i cant remember where i was goinf with this#but my sibling and i are both struggling. so we decided to move back in with our parents for a year to save up#we're going to put what we used to pay in rent into a savings account for a down payment on a house#but right after finally unpacking i have to pack everything up again and rush back home#im just tired. so exhausted. mentally and physically. physically its gonna hit in the middle of my shift#mentally its been hitting every damn day. and i cant remember the last time i felt happy without also feeling#depressed or anxious or uncomfortable or unwanted or out of place#want to know whats happened so far? learned my best friend fucked my ex and now its not the same anymore#got a terrible ear infection. got bronchitis. one of the few friends i made moved out of the country#learned im not a beneficiary in my moms life insurance but my siblings are. learned my grandpa got engaged but he never told me#learned my parents bought a plot of land but they never told me. i think people just forget about me. or dont care that im here#i decided im gonna go no contact with my parents and grandpa after the year of living with them cuz i dont deserve this shit#anyway bye
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alexanderwales · 4 months ago
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"I don't think I could have the relationship with you that you have with me," she said. She was very casual about it, and I was immediately on the defensive.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
She put the book she'd been reading down. "It's just, the way you've described it, and the vibe that I get, I don't think I could do it how you do it."
"I still don't know what that means," I said.
"You're always doing this like ... micro calculation thing," she said. "You weigh your words. You try to time things. You have never once called me up while I was at work, or asked me for something when it was inconvenient for me, and you check and double check that you're not being a nuisance."
"And ... that's bad?" I asked.
"No, I love that about you," she said. "It's very kind and considerate. I know that if I tell you I'm not in the mood to hang out, you'll apologize and not push it. If you suggest that we get pizza and I say I'd rather have Korean BBQ, you fold instantly and we get Korean BBQ. I like that. I get the things I want. But it seems like an exhausting way to deal with people."
"I want you to be happy," I said with a small voice.
"I am happy," she replied. "You're great. You remember when we first got together I was like 'hey, look, if you want pizza, we can get pizza, it's just not what I'm in the mood for', and you kept insisting that you didn't care, that you would rather have me follow my needs? And I just thought, 'you know, maybe I should just trust that's what they actually feel'. And it is, as far as I can tell. There's not some secret part of you that wants me to break your way."
"You think I'm ... a simpering coward?" I asked. Even as I said it, it felt too accusatory, the wrong thing to say in the situation.
"Whoa, no, not at all," she laughed. "I think you do all that stuff because ... I don't know, you want to? Because otherwise why would you do it? It's how you are with every aspect of your life, you're a tryhard. I mean you said to me that you wanted to reclaim the term. Your relationship with me is that you're a tryhard (affectionate)."
"And you're ... not?" I asked.
"I'm not that way with anyone," she replied. "You know why I hang out with you so much? It's 'cause I like you. Most days, I am very much in the mood for you, and if you ask for a meetup, I'll say yes, and if you don't ask for one, then I'll ask you first. And for you ..."
"What?" I asked.
"It's like ... you're keeping track," she said. "You want to make sure that you're not sending me more messages than I'm sending you. You're balancing social micro stuff that I don't pay attention to. You're consciously monitoring how much each of us has said and making sure it's the right number of words or whatever."
"It's really not about the number of words," I replied. "It's more ... making sure that social and emotional labor is equitable, that there's a good rhythm to the conversation. I don't think you'd get good results by tracking word count."
"But see, I don't do any of that," she said. "I talk because I feel like talking. I listen when you need to vent because I like you and it feels good to give you an outlet. I mean you are undoubtedly putting in a bunch of work, and for me, there's no work. That's all I meant, really."
"You've thought about it," I said.
"Oh, I'm just reading this book, and there are two characters like us in it, and I was like 'yes, exactly', and then 'that would not work for me'." She shrugged.
"And if I stopped 'putting in the work'?" I asked. "Would we still be ... friends?"
"See, I don't know," she said. "Because that's never who you've been. You're asking me if I would still be friends with you if you changed your personality and how we interact with each other. Maybe? Probably? Who knows? Maybe we'd be better friends somehow. Maybe we're just two basically compatible people, and every time you've ever worried about anything it would actually have been completely fine."
"Or maybe it's load-bearing," I said.
"Maybe!" she replied with a smile that slowly faded. "You okay?"
"I'm thinking," I said. I didn't know if I could verbalize what I was thinking in a way that would be palatable.
"Do you not like being this way with me?" she asked. "Because I have never asked you to. I've made my preferences known, but if you've been bending yourself into knots and feeling a burden, then ..."
"No," I said, because I knew it was what she wanted to hear. "No, I like the way things are between us."
"Good," she smiled. "I do too."
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realbacchus · 11 months ago
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lunarsapphism · 1 year ago
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i love my friends i miss them so so bad.
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elysiicns · 1 year ago
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ig some people might consider my time IDing as aroace as a "waste" of time bc it was years of my life but genuinely i don't see it that way. it let me examine the social pressures and attitudes around sex and romance in a detached way and ultimately i've carried the mindset of not giving a shit about social conventions surrounding romance especially, and honestly it's really freeing
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