#i lived in michigan most of my life. then moved to illinois when i turned 18

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Guessssss what time it is??

7am

Guess who's still awake?

Me

Guess who has to feed their dog in two hours, and get ready for work in five hours?

Me

And guess who has to have a camp meeting directly after their work shift? And has to actually be coherent and make a schedule and discuss their ideas and needs for the summer?

Yeah you probs got it

Guess who won't be coherent for it?

Yeah

[jeremiah-fisher]

this august

—a the summer i turned pretty fic about first love, defining moments, and jeremiah fisher ♡

「chapter 3: a wedding invitation」

in and out of focus, moments that i keep

something for the pain and something so i sleep

won't you comfort me? warm the air that i breathe?

visceral in doses, hiding on the seams

standing on the sun and i don't feel a thing

won't you comfort me? take the fear i don't need?

. . .

After pressing submit on my tenth job application of the day, I crack my knuckles and lean back in my creaky folding chair. The pain in my spine which I had been ruthlessly ignoring since I sat down to start my job search this morning finally spills into every other crevice of my body all at once. I hunch over in agony, releasing a groan my ears had last heard when I experienced period cramps for the very first time at age twelve. My face settles between my thighs as blood rushes straight to the top of my head. 

It has been hours since I last ate. Breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs over the last two pieces of toast in the house and I don’t remember when lunch passed by. It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t think I deserve to eat until I have applied to every junior administrative position in Chicago.

A week has come and gone since I was dismissed from my job. A whole seven days, one hundred and sixty eight hours, and over ten thousand seconds. When you take a step back to look at it, it seems like so much time. But it isn’t really. A few more weeks and my time in this house and perhaps this city will have come and gone, too. When I moved to Chicago for university almost a decade ago, I never knew I would fall in love with it the way that I had. My parents were from Michigan and Wyoming, but they had raised me in New York. That was the world I had known most of my life until Mom passed. But once New York stopped feeling like home, I found myself in Illinois with plans to stay here forever. But now… 

I lift myself up with the remainder of my energy. A million thoughts and confusing ruminations swim through my mind and I find myself not being able to navigate any of it. If I leave Chicago and go back to Albany, I would be closer to Dad. He and Tawny live in an apartment close to the downtown core where Tawny runs a burger joint. I could see them whenever I wanted. Plus, if Dad’s middle-age crisis continues, at least I won’t be hours away by car anymore. I can be there immediately when he needs me.  

The sound of the front door opening then shutting closed tears me away from my thoughts. A second later, I hear the patter of footsteps gaining momentum on the short flight of stairs it takes to reach the second floor. Carter’s footsteps. A whole two years in this house and I know the miniscule differences between my roommates’ foot patterns. 

These days, the two of them are hardly ever home. Zosia still cooks dinner for all of us, as is her favourite thing to do after a day in the office, and Carter still texts me to ask if I need anything from the grocery store. But we don’t talk anymore. Not like we used to. We would have game nights and movie nights and host friends together almost weekly. I know their lives have changed but I can’t help but miss the way things used to be. I’m forever wishing to go back, it seems, like I was made for a past that does not want me. 

I shut the lid on my laptop and stand to my feet. There’s nothing for it, then. I might as well go for that walk I’ve been putting off then help Zosia get started on dinner. 

As I go to grab a pair of socks from my drawer, my phone, which I had left charging on my bedside, starts to ring with an incoming request to FaceTime. I don’t move a muscle to go grab it. I allow it to ring and ring until it stops. A part of me even hopes the ringing won’t start up again in a few seconds even though I know the person on the other end of the line well enough to ascertain that the exact opposite of my plea will be occurring. 

I love Taylor, but I’m not in the mood to gossip with her today. With my life stuck on a rollercoaster of unamusing misfortunes, the very last bit of enthusiasm I have is for talking shit about the girls we went to college with and the bozos they have shacked up with since. Even more, I’m still painfully embarrassed. 

After Levi let me go last week, I knew it would only be a matter of time before word got back to his niece, so I bit the bullet and sent Taylor a minute long voice note apology explaining myself as best I could without revealing the truth behind why I had messed up so colossally. She had texted me back with a short, typed message which said: honestly, good riddance! uncle levi is gonna regret this. It was funny to think of Levi regretting anything when it comes to my skills and work ethic. He could have paid a foreigner to do my job for half the salary and they certainly wouldn’t have risked job security over their drunk father going missing for the umpteenth time. 

Taylor’s insistence causes my phone to ring again. I shoot daggers at it from afar for performing the exact duties I purchased it for before I go and retrieve it. An image of Taylor in front of her bathroom mirror looks back at me. I answer the call and add a little pep to my voice when I greet her. 

“Hey, Tay.”

Taylor, who has her hands in her hair as she mixes a dye concoction into it, glances down at me. “Finally. I thought you died or something.” 

“Not yet, unfortunately.” 

The unpleasant look she sends through the screen causes me to giggle. The tickle of it soothes some of the anxiety littering my mind. “Ugh. Not this again. I hate when you get moody.”

“Sorry my very human emotions bother you.” 

“Yay. Sarcasm. Love it… not.”

I drop my socks by the foot of my bed and fall back into it, landing on the unmade sheets. They are a cool hug on my back, alleviating some of the lingering discomfort. “What’s going on? Who got knocked up this time?”

“Whitney Frankl. But that’s not why I’m calling.”

“Why are you calling then?”

“Because I wanted to hear your moody, broody, sarcastic voice, obviously.” 

“Touché.”

“Toosh nothing, Bex. This is serious.”

I let out a mix of a laugh and cough. “Hit me.”

“I think Conrad popped the question.”

The starting news pulls me right back up to a seated position as I struggle to gather my plethora of thoughts.

Conrad asked Belly to marry him? Already? Belly only returned from her mother’s book tour in California a couple weeks ago and based on the two pictures Laurel had posted on her Facebook it had gone well and the two were ready to relax at home. Plus, hadn’t Conrad just entered his second year of residency at Massachusetts General Hospital? When had he had a chance to ring shop and plan a proposal? When did he have the chance to visit and actually propose? For a second, I think about scanning his Instagram for any posts about travelling out of state but a fat load of good that will do when the last time he had used any sort of social media, it was to post a picture of his old guitar without a caption and call it a day. 

I rub the back of my ear and ask, “What does Steven think?”

Taylor’s eyes bug out. “That’s your first question?” 

“He knows what goes on with Conrad the best. Don’t they see each other more often than even Conrad and Belly do?”

“Yeah, and he really thinks I’m beginning to like Boston. There’s nothing to do here, did you know that? Nothing!”

“Boston’s supposed to be a great place to live, though.” 

“For who? Rent is so expensive and yeah, it helps that Steven makes good money but I don’t. I used to be able to stretch fifty bucks so far in Philly. I'll be lucky if fifty gets me through the day here.”

“That New England charm isn’t working on you, is it?”

Taylor sighs and puts her comb down. Her face is cast with solemn fervour. “I guess I just miss home, my mom, and Bridget. She’s starting university in September. Can you believe it? My baby sister!”

“Where’s she going?”

“NYU. Then Mom will be all alone.” 

“Isn’t she seeing your old high school math teacher?”

“Oh my God, don’t remind me! It’s gross enough when she sends me pictures of them all cuddled up and stuff. It’s so weird. I used to fail all his exams and now he’s cozied up with my mother.” Her comb comes back up as she fixes an aluminium foil. The tact with which she does so reminds me of the time she did the same thing to Belly’s hair in our second year. Blue highlights weren’t her best look but it was something new and she needed that after everything that had happened the year before. “Back to what I was saying before. I think Conrad was in Philly last weekend and he asked her.”

“And how do you know that?

“Because he asked Steven for Jeremiah’s new number.” 

The admission nearly stops my heart. 

Following the disastrous events of many summers ago, Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher, two brothers who had never had the perfect relationship to begin with, stopped talking indefinitely. They had a fight the morning of Jeremiah’s wedding and then seemingly never spoke again. Belly was caught up in the middle of it, having been engaged to Jeremiah at the time. It was a scandalous and depressing affair that left a glaze of sorrow over our friend group for years to come. 

Every few months, Taylor will attempt to gather as many of us as possible for a weekend in Boston or Chicago. If Jeremiah comes, Conrad will tell us he can’t get away from school or the hospital. If Conrad comes, Jeremiah will tell us he has a date he can’t possibly miss. The two of them are family, the only sibling the other has, but they haven’t willingly been in the same room in ages. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s. Major holidays come and go and they never break bread together. The only time they seem to tolerate the other’s presence is on the anniversary of their mother’s death, when they visit Cousins Beach with their Dad and lay flowers on her grave. 

“Oh.”

“Right…” Taylor exits the bathroom and sits cross legged on her own bed. “There’s only one reason he would want to talk to Jeremy and that’s to tell him he and Belly are getting married.”

“What did Steven say?”

“He said he has his blessing but not to expect anything from his brother. Jeremy’s been MIA for months. He doesn’t even ‘like’ my posts anymore even though he’s always posting his own stuff.” That earns a dramatic roll of her eyes. “I taught him his angles, by the way. He never credits me for that.”

“Where is he these days?”

“Last I heard, he was promoted to junior leadership. He comes up to Boston every now and again and me, him, and Steven will grab coffee but he ditches us pretty quickly after that, always with an excuse about needing to visit HQ or his Dad.” Her eyes catch mine through the phone. “He doesn’t text you?”

“No, he…” 

I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t know how to tell her. Jeremiah texts me every single time he visits Chicago. He asks me out for coffee, lunch and dinner. A couple of times, he sent me crying emojis asking even just to meet for dessert. My choice, anywhere I wanted. I always give him a lousy excuse for why I can’t make it or tell him I’ll catch up with him the next time we all get together. Since he moved to Cape Cod a year ago, his texts have been less and less frequent, and I don’t know if I should be grateful for that or hate myself for being an awful friend. 

“I haven’t heard from him,” I explain, halfway between the truth I despise and the lie I need to uphold.

“That’s weird. I thought for sure he was keeping up with you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re his favourite. Everyone knows that.”

“I’m n-not–”

“Bex, be serious. Everyone knows that if you and Belly weren’t friends, he would have made a pass at you. Not that you would have entertained it.” Taylor leans over her bed and grabs something off the ground. A bag of chips suddenly takes up a quarter of the screen. “What do you think he’ll say?”

I’m so lost in thought that it takes me a second to respond. “Huh?”

“Jeremiah. What do you think he’ll say when he finds out they’re getting married? Do you think he’ll come to the wedding?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. It’s been years since they broke up. He’s gotta be over it by now, right?” The last time I saw him in person, we all had dinner in an Afghan restaurant in downtown Chicago. When he went to the restroom, he had left his phone on the table next to me. It had lit up with notifications three times while he was gone and it was three times that I noticed his lock screen: a picture of him and a beautiful girl smiling at each other inside what looked to be a club. I don’t know if she was his girlfriend or not, but if he was still mooning over his ex, he was doing a good job of hiding it. 

“It’s Jeremy. He doesn’t get over anything.” Taylor takes a moment to chew on her snack. “Kinda like me.”

The temptation to question her about what Jeremiah’s new job is like, what he’s been up to, and if he likes being close to his Mom buzzes through me, but I hold back. Asking any sort of question about him is akin to opening a can of worms with Taylor. As aloof she can be about certain matters, when it comes to emotions and human psychology, Taylor is as intelligent as they come. There was seldom a time in college that I could fake a happy smile in her presence without being subjected to her unending questions about why I’m lying to her face. Belly once told me that Taylor wasn’t like this at all in high school but that college had aided her maturity. And that’s why I'm frightened. 

There are times when I think Taylor knows me better than Belly because she’s asked me before, if I have feelings for Jeremiah, and I lied. It took everything in me to say “no” and not burst into tears. I’m just not sure if I can do it again, after all this time. Because while the jury is still out on his feelings for Isabel Conklin, my feelings have never swayed from the moment I first laid eyes on him. Not even after everything.

. . .

[eviesessays]

22. What have been some of your life's greatest surprises?

In my advanced age I thought nothing surprised me but on further reflection I decided almost everything surprises me.  That I am in my 88th year is one of my greatest surprises.  I remember once when I was in my early teen years I had pleurisy and every time I tried to take a breath I had such a pain in my chest, I was certain I was soon going to die.  I knew how sad everyone would be and how they would miss me and wish they had been kinder to me.  Well, the biggest surprise was that I recovered in a few days and nobody seemed to notice my distress or my recovery.

I am surprised that I live in New Hampshire.  When Kip and Carl and I were young we kept an account of all the license plates we saw from outside Ontario.  Most were from the United States.  Sioux Lookout was a small town in the North of the province.  It had many beautiful, pristine lakes and therefore many fishing lodges and camps that attracted fishing enthusiasts.  Most cars we counted were from the nearer border states, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois and  Michigan.  I do not remember a car from New Hampshire.  That stood to reason since it was 1000 miles away and at that time had beautiful, pristine unpolluted lakes of its own.

That I now live in this beautiful but presently very cold state was the result of a broken promise. When I married Phil Pahl he was the chief engineer of the SR71 at the Pentagon.  He was a colonel and promised this was his last assignment and we would not leave Washington.  In early 1974 he was assigned to Hanscom AFB in Bedford, MA.  That Easter vacation we flew space available to Germany and Spain since we were  going to be spending our summer vacation moving.  He went on to Bedford and house hunted and I stayed behind til the school year ended.  I resigned my wonderful job and prepared for the move.  In June we moved into our home on Wildwood Drive in Bedford, MA.  We found Boston a beautiful, historical and interesting city.  We also found weekend trips to New Hampshire beautiful in all seasons.  We all became skiers.  We bought a cottage near Wolfboro, NH.  It was one of the most idyllic places. It was peaceful beyond words. We canoed and swam in Lake Winnipesaukee in summer and skied at Ossippee and Gunstock. in Winter.  The cottage was not so much a surprise in my life but one of the greatest joys.  

In 1984 Phil retired from the Air Force and by then we were dedicated New Englanders.  We bought a farm in Warner, NH.  I remember walking along the river and seeing the property for the first time.  Heather and her friend Rachel were with us.  It was a magnificent find.  The piling of the Waterloo covered bridge was one of the boundary markers for the property.  There were 22 acres on one side of the river and a strip of 5 miles that ran along the other side of the Warner River.  There was a large barn, an in-ground swimming pool, a lovely modern home and a small building near the river bank.  It had a wood stove and was currently used as a woodworking shop.  There were two large meadows and a large vegetable garden.  It was perfect and I knew immediately was a place where my spirit could soar and my heart could rest.  

Life moved at rocket speed.  We bought the farm, sold the Bedford house and sold my most loved cottage. I turned 50 and Jaylyn got married. Phil retired and took a part time civilian job. Peter graduated from college and then I got cancer. It was also at this time that Phil admitted to me that  he had a long standing affair with his tennis partner in Bedford.  I knew I would be divorced again. I would not be very tolerant of an impulsive, “tussle in the hay”,  but this was a long standing, calculated affair.  We were divorced in 1988.  I bought the farm and spent 22 very happy years there. Now in my 70’s, I had to admit I could not keep up with all the needs of this very happy place.  In 2007 I sold the farm and moved to Mountain Road in Concord.  

After two failed treatments for my Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, I decided to go into Dana Farber in Boston.  I did an experimental treatment and have been cancer free since.  

Today is March 4, 2023 and we are having a huge snow storm.  I am at my desk writing a story about life’s greatest surprises and the truth is most things surprise me.  My granddaughters, Anne and Hillary have each given me two great grandchildren who are delightful, charming and full of wonderful surprises.

I still hear from classmates but half my high school class is now gone and almost half of my nursing school class has also passed away.  Considering all things I guess one of life’s greatest surprises is that I am still here to tell the story.

[greystreetbarcelona]

Grey Street meets Linnea Gits and Peter Dunham, the creative minds behind Uusi Design Studio

This week we’re chatting with artists Linnea Gits and Peter Dunham about Tarot, their artistic processes, and their inspiring surroundings. 

First things first, tell us a bit about yourselves! Where are you from, and what are your star signs?

Peter and I are both artists working in the field of design. We grew up in the western suburbs of Illinois in the USA and spent most of our lives living and working in Chicago. Peter received a BFA at Northern Illinois University, and we met the summer after his graduation in Chicago. At that time, Peter had a small art studio in the West Loop, and I began apprenticing with him for sculpture and painting. We started dating and eventually moved in together and found a great space - a vast, light filled loft that was once a furniture factory - in a very industrial part of the city that became our home and studio. Close to downtown, low rent, and located in a remote area of the city, this space gave us the freedom to grow our artistic ideas unhurried by the marketplace.

Along the way, our art practice merged with design, and in 2010 we launched Uusi with the idea that life was worth the meaningful effort, and its reward was one of discovery. Within a year of our studio’s launch, we had established Uusi as a creative identity in our hometown of Chicago. A few years later, the wildly successful launch of our Pagan Otherworlds Tarot in 2016 introduced our work to people all over the world. We continued our journey within the Tarot world with a loyal and growing client base for esoteric content and objects, adding an Oracle and two more Tarot decks to our published titles. Working with the Tarot and the creative community surrounding it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. 

In 2017 we decided to relocate to an area that we had long dreamed of calling home: Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. We traded the city’s fast pace and social energy for a slower life in the forest. It was a move that matched our spiritual exploration and has brought us an enormous amount of joy. We now spend our workdays surrounded by deep woods, nine acres of which holds a clearing for rolling farmland where a small dairy farm, built by a Finnish settler in the late 1880s, sits alongside a wandering creek. We knew the minute we saw it, that we were home and purchased it without a second thought. We are taking time, between art and design work, to carefully restore the hand-built, square-hewn farmhouse that is now our home and studio back to its original, humble beauty. Working on this old farm feels sculptural and sacred and feeds both our body and soul - good for anyone, and most definitely for this early Leo (Peter) and Sagittarius (Linnea).

A selection of early work by Linnea

Where were you first introduced to Tarot and Oracle, and what inspired you to start creating decks?

Peter has been collecting old playing card decks and tarot cards for years. He loved the imagery and the quality of vintage decks, and we often used them as inspiration for design projects we were working on at the studio. In 2012 we began a playing card series, and that naturally led us to the Tarot. We loved the meaningful content of the Tarot and how it accessed our minds and our hearts with the creative language of the soul. It is the search we are all on, the individual story that mingles with the ordinary magic of the world to reveal our most authentic self which, in turn, makes us feel most alive. 

A selection of Peter’s early work

Is there a particular deck that you are most proud of, or a specific card that you are really proud of designing?

 We are proud of all of our decks! But we definitely have favourite cards from each one. Strength, The Tower, and Death from Pagan Otherworlds. The Lovers from Eros: The Garden of Love. The element cards and The Secret cards from Supra. The Transactinides from Materia Prima that join to create a tableau that nods to Durer’s masterful, Melancholia engraving. These are just some that stand out whenever we work through the decks, but every card has its creation journey, both enjoyable and painful and sometimes even surprising, but ultimately rewarding. 

How does the artistic process for creating Tarot and Oracle differ from your artistic process when creating less spiritual designs?

We have always worked with a great deal of intuitive direction. Color, form, and hand-drawn line create physical feelings that express themselves emotionally and instinctively within you. We have always felt that design should connect with you in this truthful way – it should meet your inner nature as well as the outer one. It should be both useful and beautiful, and if it is, it will be alive and self-creating, which we feel is the definition of spirituality. And that is something that can – should! – meet you in a spoon, table, or deck of cards as much as it does in a church, a tarot, or any meditative object. 

 Wooden animal set designed by Linnea and Peter, featured in the New York Times and at Design Within Reach.

I see that you draw inspiration from Celtic mysticism, renaissance illustrations, the beauty of nature and jungian psychology. Are there any “modern” things that you find personally inspiring? Film, music, artists, etc.

All of those inspirations continue to be modern, ha! But yes, we have contemporary favorites. We are big science fiction fans – 2001 A Space Odyssey is a work of art. As is the original Star Trek :). In music, we range far and wide: Metal, Folk, Classical, and pretty much everything in-between. We have an eclectic taste but it's very particular. Peter posts some of our favorites at the studio on our IG account and has a loyal following for those music finds. We also love Japanese printmaking and craft – both old and contemporary. And books!! I am a total book nerd. I'm currently reading "Figuring" by Maria Papova. An insanely inspiring, beautiful work. I also picked up the recent edition of "Fool" magazine, "The Japanese Issue" (in my second life I want to be a sushi chef), and every article was fascinating. Anything by the writer/photographer, Teju Cole. Love the fashion designer Simone Rocha. The Fine Artist, James Kerry Marshall. Relaxed modernism. The grateful invitation to enjoy the quiet, humble luxury of our neighbor's sauna on a cold winter night. Snowshoeing in the woods after a snowfall. Gardening. Our cat, TMobile. Our dog, Yuki. My nephew's drawings. Dark nights filled with stars! The inspiration list is endless. 

Soulful sketch of a moose, illustrated by Linnea’s seven year old nephew Beckett.

If you could go back in time and meet your childhood selves, what advice would you give to them?

Linnea: Bake more pies with Grandma B, but take it easy on the sugar – you don’t need to be the mayor of Candytown. 

Peter: Follow your heart like you did the first time.

Is there anything you are currently working on that you would be happy to share with our readers? 

We have a new playing card deck called "Republic" coming out in the spring! We haven't created a new playing card deck for our studio in over four years, so it's pretty exciting for us. The deck's inspiration is Finnish/Nordic folk art and design. There is a large Finnish community in the Upper Peninsula, especially in our hometown of Republic – a Finnish settler built the home that now houses Uusi – how serendipitous is that! And we are excited to have a deck that bears the name of this local community that we love so much. We are also working on a special tarot project that we will be talking about more this summer :)

Uusi “Republic” playing deck, coming out June 2021

-------------------------------------------------------------

We thank Linnea and Peter for their time. You can find them on instagram @uusidesignstudio and online at www.uusi.us/ 

Check out our collection of Uusi Tarot, Oracle, and Books at www.greystreetbarcelona.com

[meetthemidwest]

About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

[lonely-bored-writer]

Casper High Ch. 1

Fandom: Supernatural & Danny Phantom

Summary: Sam Winchester had experience many different things in his life, it came with the family business. Different schools, people, and motels every week. However, he never quite met anything like the enigma that is Danny Fenton.

Sam Winchesters has been to many different public schools, ranging from terrible to decent to great. He had gone to countless schools all over the United States, joining during different times throughout the school year. There was the school in Florida, where he got in a fight every week. Then there was the one in Maryland where he was able to go unnoticed his whole time. So, you can say Sam knew a thing or two about surviving in a new school as the new kid.

He's been to Illinois before, this wasn't much of a difference. However, he's never heard of this particular town- Amity Park. It was a strange, small town where locals kept mostly to themselves, nothing odd about it... if you ignored the red brick building with a neon 'Fenton Works' sign protruding from the side and a UFO like thing attached to the roof. They were the resident 'ghost hunters' and they were someone his dad wanted to consult with for a case a few hours over in the neighboring state.

Not that the younger Winchester can complain, he did very much enjoy when it was just Dean and him. He missed school lunches with Dean, the older Winchester had actually graduated two years ago, when Sam was starting freshman year. It's his second year going to high school on his own so he can't say he minds all that much anymore.

The one annoying thing about new schools is learning where everything was located again. Every school was different, different winding hallways and room placements. Being the new kid always entailed getting lost.

That's what Sam Winchester was doing in his search for his homeroom, English 3 with a Mr. Lancer. It was then that he saw it, the sight of a small group of people causing him to pause in his search for his class. Sam was not unfamiliar with bullies, having dealt with a few in his time but this was totally new. He couldn't help but note the almost bored look the smaller teen had as four jock looking kids pushed him around, spewing insults at him as they did.

Sam wasn't one for giving bullies the satisfaction of pulling emotions from him, but he couldn't even think that someone would look so passive throughout the whole thing. Kids always had a tick- something that would give away their emotions, but this odd kid had none. Sam stayed behind the corner, waited until the jocks had actually fully shoved the kid into a locker and stumbled off to do god knows what. Sam had made up his mind as he made his way over to the locker. He could always play the 'lost new kid' card if he needed too.

"You alright in there?" Sam calls once he reaches the locker, already messing with the lock to unlock it. He hears a soft yelp and thump inside the green metal box. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Sam apologizes, finally opening the locker to see the shorter teen. Sam must say, he is surprised to see that he was nine or so inches taller then the small teen.

"Uh, it's okay." The teen mumbled as he stumbled out of the locker, and pulling out his bag. He then turns to Sam with a hesitant smile; Sam spotting the hidden flecks of worry in the bright blue eyes. "I'm just not used to people finding me so quickly."

"I was turning the corner when they locked you in." Sam offered an apologetic smile. "I'm Sam by the say, Sam Winchester." Sam didn't miss the barely-there flinch the teen gave.

"Danny, Danny Fenton." Danny greeted, shaking the hand the Winchester offered. It was then that Sam noticed just how thin the teen was, and the dark eye bags that rested under bright eyes. "Are you new?"

"Um, yea. That obvious huh?" Sam chuckled, smiling when the teen laughed as well. Before he dawned on him he could use help finding his homeroom. "Do you know where 415 is? English 3 with Mr. Lancer?" Danny's eyes brightened at that.

"That's actually my next class." Sam couldn't help his eyebrows rising in surprise- if he had to guess he would have said Danny was a sophomore not a junior. Danny only chuckled, tugging on the sleeves of his stripped jacket. "Yea, I know. I'm small for junior, but I'm seventeen. Anyways, we can walk together if you'd like?"

"That'll be really nice, thank you." Sam smiled politely falling into step with the scrawnier teen.

"Why would you even move here?" Danny broke the short silence that had settled, glancing over to the taller boy as they walked. "People don't normally come to Amity Park willingly."

"My dad's job needed us stay here for a few weeks." Sam responded, continuing before the teen could ask he's next question. "He buys, fixes, and sells unique cars."

"That's pretty cool." Sam was surprised to see Danny was being genuine with his words. As they slowed in front of a door, Danny took a deep breath. "We're here brace yourself." He warned before opening the door and walking it. Sam felt confusion run through him when he saw the classroom was pretty civil. No bracing needed.

"Mr. Fenton. What a surprise, you're only fifteen minutes late to class." Came the annoyed greeting from the overweight teacher standing up front with a book in hand.

"I was showing the new kid to class." Danny shot back as fast as Lancer had greeted them.

"Ah, you must be Samuel Winchester." Lancer greeted, a warm smile replaced his scowl. "I hope all is going well, you may take a seat next to Daniel." Lancer motioned a hand to the rows of desk, Sam followed behind Danny quietly taking a seat to the desk the smaller teen motioned to. Sam saw it the moment Danny sat down, a kick jolted his chair forward and slammed his stomach into the desk. Sam was a little surprised by the forced used in the kick considering the desk and chairs were attached to each other.

"As I was saying, in Shakespeare's play 'the taming of a shrew', Shakespeare makes it quite evident that without Katherine being wedded off that Bianca will not be able to. You can find this quote in Act II, scene 1. As it reads..." Sam glanced over to Danny who seemed to look up at the exact moment, the smaller of the two offering a sympathetic smile before the two pretended to pay attention- Sam only pretending because he's already read this exact play four times.

When lunchtime rolled around, Sam was a little more than confused. The school only had two lunch periods, which meant half the school should be littered through the cafeteria and the courtyard. However, it seemed only a quarter of the students were on campus.

"Most of us have lunch off campus." Sam jumped, turning to see Danny who offered up a small smile. Since homeroom, Sam hasn't seen much of Danny in the two periods the followed just a small glimpse of him turning the corner most of the time. "I eat at the Nasty Burger, you can join me if you want, it's in walking distance." Sam hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"As long as it doesn't live up to it's name." Sam agreed, pulling a laugh from Danny.

"Don't worry, it's the best fast food joint here." Danny responded as the duo made the seven-minute walk to the Nasty burger.

"This is the first school I've gone to that let's us eat lunch off campus." Sam confessed, eyes trained on the small joint that did have teens in it.

"Casper High is kind of an old school like that. None of the parents complained about kids skipping after lunch so they kept it. Plus the food served here would make other school's look like they served five star food." Danny responded, shuddering at the last part. The duo put in their orders and Sam was relatively surprised when warm food was ready for them under five minutes. He let Danny lead them to a small booth at the corner of room, eyes scanning over all the students he's seen around school already.

"So, what do your parents do?" Sam asked, Danny glanced up from his burger before answering.

"They're scientists." Danny responded, and Sam had a clear feeling that the other teen was keeping some things to himself. "They invent a bunch of things, and work with a tech company called Dalv Co., which is owned by my parent's old college friend."

"That's cool." Sam smiled. The more Sam got to know Danny, the more confusing the teen was. Most kids would brag about their scientist parents working for a billion dollar company. "Any siblings?" That seemed to do it, Danny's face brightened instantly.

"I have a sister Jazz, she's two years older." Sam couldn't help but smile at the fondness in his words and his smile. "She's also in Michigan. She got a free ride to MIT."

"A free ride? She must be really smart." Sam said, words coated with awe.

"It's because she is such a good student and for her great psychology work." Danny paused, seeming to remember something before he turned his attention back to Sam. "What about you?"

"An older brother, Dean. He's actually four years older." Sam laughed at Danny's shocked face. "He helps my dad out with his mechanic business and stuff."

"Wow four years... what that would make him..." Danny paused, glancing up. "Twenty one, that's cool."

"Not as cool as some would think." Sam chuckled, thinking about the few ways Dean's age didn't work in his favor. "He refused to buy me alcohol." Sam gave a clearly exaggerated sad sigh at the end, pulling a loud laugh from the other teen. Sam soon joined in, smiling. He was happy he was able to make a friend today, even if he isn't staying long.

Sam grinned when he approached Danny who sat at the curb, his smile slipping slightly when he noticed how sad the teen looked. A honk pulled his attention away from Danny, eyes finding his brother leaning against the impala, smiling at Sam with a wave. Sam smiled back, before nodding his head to Danny and holding a hand up as a hold on motion, receiving a nod from Dean who took a seat in the driver's side.

"Hey Sammy." Danny greeted with a smile when Sam stopped next to him.

"Hey Dean. Oh Danny?" Sam smiled, before glancing over to his brother's car. "Are you getting picked up?" Sam watched Danny glanced down at his phone before sighing.

"I'm actually going to have to walk home." Danny pulled himself to a stand, typing at his phone. "I need a car." Danny mumbled under his breath, Sam was pretty certain he wasn't supposed to hear that.

"Do you want my brother to give you a ride? Or you can come over?" Sam added as an afterthought. "We're staying in a motel room but its two adjoined rooms." Sam offered with a shy smile, rubbing the back of his neck. Danny paused, and Sam felt like the teen was going to deny his offer.

"That'll be nice. Motel or not." Danny smiled, getting a grin back from Sam, the taller of the two leading the way to the car. "This is his car? It's so cool!" Sam couldn't help smiling some more, at least he knew Dean and Danny would get along.

"Hey, I'm Dean." Dean gave a charming smile when the teen settled in the back seat, holding his hand out over the seat to Danny. Danny smiled, and accepted the handshake.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Danny."

"It's good to see Sammy made a friend on his first day." Dean chuckled. "He tends to be the loner for a while." With that, Dean starts up the car, the Impala purring as it pulled out of the school parking lot.

[note-taking-nomad]

Let me introduce myself

Here is my official introduction on this blog I’m Victoria I also go by Vicky but I’ve really have been trying to use my full name more. I started this Studyblr a couple months ago but I haven’t been very good at it and also a little discouraged by all the really aesthetic studyblrs out there. Here I am again and I’m sticking with it with my sucky handwriting and my non-asethetics. Welcome, all who are new and who's been here for a while join me on my studying journey.

About Me

I turn 21 in August! On the 5th actually! I’m so ready to be 21 at this point 20 is such a murky middle ground age.

I live in Michigan and I can’t wait to move anywhere else. 

I’m currently a junior in university, August marks the start of my senior year and the start of my program!

I’m studying communication science and disorders and also I’m thinking about adding ABA therapy to that as well.

I got married in May to my amazing husband (yes I’m young I’m aware).

My inspirations in life are to help as many people as I can during my life by being a Speech-Language Pathologist because I know I would not be the person I am without my speech therapy. 

My goals for the next couple of years are to 1)  finish my undergrad program 2) get accepted into and SLP Program at  UW-M, ISU, NIU (anywhere in Illinois really)  3) move in with my husband we are currently at school on different sides of the state it makes things difficult.                                                                                                                                  Interests

I love everything that an old lady has as hobbies so knitting, sewing, cross stitch, embroidery. I just wish I had more time to do them. I’ve had three sewing projects since December I haven’t gotten to yet because of school. 

Photography- I just love preserving the moment and my surroundings I have a point and shoot, a cannon DSLR, and an Instax camera and you bet I fill up every SD card I can get my fingers on.

cooking and baking- I’m a pretty decent cook I made my own wedding cake which was entirely dairy free because my husband has a pretty severe allergy. Most of my cooking is now adapting dairy recipes into good-tasting dairy free options.

bullet journaling-I love making the spreads but I’m really bad at actually using them during the week. For years I’ve been a mental task person but sometimes that fails me and I need to write it down. 

Tarot and Oracle cards- I dabble with my cards but I’m not the most confident in reading my cards.

Classes

Applied Physics

I’m only taking one class right now because it’s summer and it’s a bit of a catch-up class. The class is only 7 weeks long I finish June 24th so 3 weeks left!

Why a Studyblr?

I need something that pushes me to do better. I am such a procrastinator but its because I’m honestly in a constant state of burnout. During the regular school year, I took 15 credits (5 classes), commuted 40 minutes each way, and worked 30 hours a week. Since August I’ve only had about 2 weeks that were truly mine where I didn’t have work or school. Once I get home I’m exhausted, but this helps motivate me.

Goals

Study German, Croatian, and Spanish. German is because my husband wants to work at Cern in Switzerland. Croatian is because my family is taking a trip there next summer. Spanish because it is most helpful for my future career. I may turn into a langblr as well.

Save for that Croatia trip! I fully intend on buying as much food as I can ingest on that trip.

Workout more I’ll be living on campus for the first time in my life next year and my university has an awesome rec program.

Work towards being vegetarian or pescatarian since I’ll be living on my own and controlling what my groceries are.

Creating a night routine because when I get home after work I eat dinner and sit for an hour too long on my phone

[leowenila]

Shepherd’s Superheroes

Hello! During last season’s hiatus and before posting stories publicly; I wrote this and it might be one of my most favorite (out of my own writings) stories ever! A few days ago I sat down to reread it and make a few changes with more information we have gotten this season. This story is mostly an alternative-universe but mostly it’s a lot of fluffy-comfort with a small portion of angst. This is a long one!! I hope you all enjoy this one as much as I do! PS; if anyone is interested, there is a part two still in my drafts 💗😊

Traveling with an eleven month old proved to be tremendously different to Owen and Amelia than they initially it would be like, once landing, they realized it was totally worth it. The couple did not travel much due to their busy career lives but shortly after Miranda Bailey discussed with the neurosurgeon about having too many vacation days built up; both her and her fiance thought it was the perfect time to go visit and introduce the family she built with Owen, to her family. No matter how many years had passed; she has always missed them in a way that is impossible for her to describe to the average person. Half of Amelia missing her family was due to curiosity over the question of if they would be proud of her new life or not.

Eventually after their plane safely landed and the purchase of their rent-a-car was confirmed; Owen and Amelia along with Leo reached their destination and began walking towards the same red brick building that held countless amount of memories for the neurosurgeon. Once in the building the family stepped into the elevator and rested their backs on the wall, Amelia sighed causing the small boy to giggle at his mom and later causing all three of them to laugh. Watching Owen bounce Leo on his hip bone made the brunette realize that what she found attractive in Owen was drastically different than what she found attractive many years ago; as she was in the same exact elevator.

“Shut up; bitches. I need to get laid. I need to get laid, really bad.” The young brunette shared with the other two women on the elevator- in her true, non-existent filter self. Both Addison and Violet brought their conversation to a pause once hearing Amelia’s declaration. The psychologist grew concerned due to the fact of not knowing the neurosurgeon well.

“So bad that I’m going to run naked through the street and grind a cop, if something doesn’t happen soon. Wouldn’t one of you just lie on top of me and rub around, for like ten minutes.”

Her laughter amplified once the particular memory of her, Violet and Addison after Amelia returned from her Seattle trip. Owen stared at the same beautiful smile he could watch all week long and noticed how truly happy she seemed once breathing in the California air. Choosing not to question her about why her laughter changed, the two walked off the elevator with Leo beside them, towards a blonde receptionist at the desk and allowed the brunette to take charge with the plan she had in mind since sitting on the plane.

“Hello, our son; Leo, has an appointment with Dr. Cooper Freedman for his yearly checkup.” Amelia informed the blonde receptionist that appeared to be new from since her sudden departure from the group nearly six years ago.

With a confused expression upon her face, the receptionist looked up and down her computer screen to find the brunette’s name.

“I’m sorry, but are you positive his name isn’t under a different name? Maybe you are scheduled for a different day or-?” The not-so-friendly but unamused receptionist asked Amelia. Owen watched Amelia for a second before he noticed a small invisible light bulb, lit up inside of her beautiful brain. Knowing his fiancé well, the trauma surgeon took it as a cue before speaking to the blonde in front of him.

“Excuse me; ma’am? Could you please point me in the direction of the restrooms. We had a very long drive and did not think to find a place before arriving.”

The receptionist removed herself from the back of the desk; where she had been sitting and started walking with Owen and Leo, and made their way to the restrooms. Once the woman was gone and Owen’s back was turned, Amelia began to walk back to the familiar area. The area that hasn’t changed a bit. The area that so many memories were made. And that’s when she saw her family.

Deciding to have her identity remain anonymous the brunette kept her dark-shaded sunglasses on her cerulean eyes and slowly walked into the legendary kitchen of Seaside Wellness Group. Every doctor from the practice was enjoying sandwiches that appeared to be catered by a local sandwich shop.

“I was wondering where I could maybe find a doctor?”

“Oh hello; I’m sorry ma’am, but this area is for employees only. The receptionist should be able to point you in the direction of the waiting room.” The familiar and ever-so-kind male psychologist suggested to who he thought was a stranger.

Amelia continued to stand she removed her sunglasses and before she had time to fix her short hair, every person in the room gasped at who was standing in the kitchen across from them. As if on an impulse all of them stopped what they were doing and practically ran over to Amelia.

“Amelia? Amelia Shepherd? What the hell are you doin’ here?” Charlotte asked with her thick southern accent still very present, after hugging her “junkie best friend” tightly and they smiled at one another.

“Vacation! I need a vacation and I thought what better people to visit my favorite people.”

From afar stood her former sister-in-law, grinning ear to ear with tears shining in her electric blue eyes. Addison shook her head once Amelia removed herself from the blonde’s hug, neither one of them moved for a few moments until they couldn’t take a second more apart. Addison wrapped her longer arms around Amelia and held on for longer than she thought she would, the brunette buried her head into Addison’s shoulder and silently started to allow happy tears to pour out of her eyes. After reconnecting with the people Amelia loved the most, she wiped her tears away as Addison escorted her sister towards the sandwiches where she began to enjoy lunch with them just like old times.

“I have to catch up on some charts; but it is so wonderful to see you again, Amelia.” Jake told Amelia as he held several patient charts in one arm and hugged her from the side. Once done hugging him, Amelia returned to the crafting of her sandwich.

Moments later after returning from the restroom with Leo; the trauma surgeon began to wander the hallways of the welcoming practice and noticed a quiet yet beautifully lit, to his left; with the door slightly open already, he made his way inside. Unaware of a unique calmness that coursed through his body, Owen felt guided to walk towards the wall with multiple framed photographs.

“Bradley S. Kramer. Detroit, Michigan

Lucile “Lulu” E. Allen. Los Angeles, California

Sarah G. Tanner. Chicago, Illinois

Gideon T. Yang. Los Angeles, California”

The trauma surgeon read the four names to himself and saw their photographs. Confused as to what and why the four children were standing beside his fiance; Owen slightly jumped upon hearing one of the doctors at the practice he assumed was Addison’s husband based on photos Amelia has shown him in the past.

“That was an incredible day for all of us; but definitely for Amelia.” Jake told Owen as he also focused on the wall in front of the two men, a smile washed over his face as he remembered that day clearly.

“What is this exactly? Why was it such an incredible day?” The dumbfounded trauma surgeon asked the dark haired man with several patient files in between his arm muscle and his side.

“You see this little guy; right here?” Jake pointed to the photograph in the center of the wall; a small baby boy wrapped in a sky blue blanket, held by his mother. His eyes were closed and his body was small and fragile like. Some moments after fixing his eyes on the small baby; Owen noticed the woman holding the baby, none other than Amelia with a giant smile on her face holding her perfect son. The same son she had told Owen that only lived for forty three minutes, several years ago.

“This is Christopher. Amelia’s son. And children like Gideon and Lulu and Bradley are just some of the children he saved because Amelia decided to donate all of his organs so other kids could leave the hospital. He was, or should I say still is her little superhero.”

No words came to the trauma surgeon’s mouth as he remained speechless, a few months ago was one of the first times that Amelia spoke about her son and told Owen his name but she never talked about what had happened after forty three minutes had passed. She told him that she will tell him the rest of the story one day. Jake left Owen with the bright smile on his face after his visit. Removing Owen from his thoughts; the trauma surgeon heard a knock on the glass door, he looked up and saw the brunette.

“That was a spectacular day.” She said as she walked into the office in which used to be Pete’s office, the brunette watched her fiance continuing to look in shock.

“Remember when I ran away because I was afraid to have your baby?” The brunette asked him; without saying a word, Owen shook his head and turned his attention on her to agree with her.

“Well I didn’t only run away to Stephanie’s.. I flew to Los Angeles to be apart of the grand opening of this office, in my happy place. This little boy is my superhero. Each one of these kids are my superheroes.” Amelia told Owen after she hugged him tightly in a place she never imagined she would be with the love of her life. A place from her past but also a place of her present. A state that she considered home. From afar on the couch in the same somewhat large room; Leo watched on has his parents embraced and giggled. Causing all three of them to laugh.

Hope you all enjoyed!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #204

“welcome to the gospel of dismay.”

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? I don't believe so. What has been bothering you a lot lately? Just job stuff... My VR coach and I are having difficulty finding something suitable for me (or something I'm even qualified for) to the point it's looking like I have no choice but to reach out of my comfort zone quite a bit. Thankfully, whatever I do, she goes to work with me and my case isn't closed until I feel totally comfortable at the job, but I just don't want to hop around five times until I find something that fits. I'm just ready to be settled into a job that's not torture for me. What (or who) have you been missing lately? I've been missing Sara really, really badly. My friend Alex, too. It's seemed lately that I only matter when she wants to talk, solely about her boyfriend. As for what, motivation... It's been running low low low lately. Miss having the drive to write like I used to. Miss hobbies. I miss doing things. Are you trustworthy? Yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? In few situations, such as not to hurt other's feelings. Have you ever hallucinated? When coming off of a medication, yes. I saw moving shadows. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open. Roman would neeeever let me sleep with it closed, but even then, I prefer not to have it closed. My mom sleeps right outside my room on the couch, and even though we're sleeping, it gives me a natural sense of security to be able to see her. I'm such an infant. By God, do I need to loosen up on my attachment to her. What flags do you have in your room, if any? None. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Recovery is the best thing, as for who, Sara. Although in some ways you could say Jason just because of how he changed me to an incredible degree and brought about the development of a lot of strength and less naivety, plus a LOT of self-discovery. I guess it depends on how you look at the question. What is the worst decision you ever made? Essentially turning Jason into a god. Letting my life depend on him loving me. Do you miss college? Jfc, I miss school PERIOD. I don't need to give the sob story about how I'm like a prisoner to my house again and how I don't really have friends. I miss having a purpose, and I neeeeed to be exposed to strangers again for social exercise, as well as hopefully to make friends. I just want something to do and work towards my career. I stg my fucking old college better get their shit together so I can go next semester. I will actually lose my shit otherwise. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? I think I have by accident before. I still call an old teacher that's now a family friend "2nd Mom" sometimes. What is your favorite arcade game? Idk what are "normal" ones. Oh, well, do crane machines count? So rigged, but they're fun. Do you feel neglected? No, for the most part. Those most important in my life are doing everything to make sure I can handle the "real" world one day. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, art, and science. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don't have any. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Name 3 creative people you know. Sara, Connie, and Emma to name just a few. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Markiplier for work ethic, creativity, compassion, wisdom, determination, etc. etc. etfuckingc., Shane Dawson for kindness, aaaaand uhhhh Arin Hanson for how down-to-earth and chill he is behind his goofy exterior. What color was your first car? Haven't had my first one yet. What year did you graduate? 2014. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Not since early February. Have you ever been scammed? Ummmm idk, maybe? Are you allergic to pollen? Yes. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Ballgown. Are you over your first love? Yes. Do you talk on the phone a lot? No. Would you rather call or text? Text, big time. Do you always answer your phone? Most times. When was the last time you went to a party? Nicole didn't really have a "party," nor did Sara, so technically my nephew's birthday in August. What was the last thing you ate? A bagel. What’s the last book you checked out from the library? I couldn't tell you. Do you have a twitter? Yeah, but I post nothing. It only exists to like Mark's shit lmao. If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? ^ Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? Scrambled eggs eons ago. What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? Hot pink. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Alex. Who sent the last e-mail you got? Mad Ethel's tattoo parlor. I was talking with them about enhancing my tat I got in tribute to Mark; I don't think it looks spacey enough at all, so I'm going to a more professional artist. I mean I like what it is now, but I want to love it. I got a price estimate, aaand it's probably gonna be a while. What song is currently stuck in your head? "Legs Up" by Jeffree Star bye I'mma go jump off a bridge. Do you have a favorite shape? Of basic shapes, circles. What color are the sheets on your bed? White, which I hate; between Roman and Teddy, you can tell it needs to be changed desperately. What time do you usually go to bed? It can range from very rarely as early as 7:00 (I have to be having a baaaaad day) to as late as midnight. Yeah. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. Are you planning on watching the Olympics? I never do. Do you pronounce the word "often" with or without a "t" in the middle? With. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? Omfg GIMME. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No. Do you like seafood? No, solely shrimp prepared in certain ways. Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? In middle school. Then at my two jobs. If so, what did it look like? Middle school was khaki pants with plain tops of only certain colors, like white or light blue (those may have been the only options, even). I don't remember the work ones, I was there so briefly. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? No. Do you own a Polaroid camera? No. Do you enjoy baking? I don't enjoy cooking period. What’s your favorite type of flower? Orchids. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Back home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Sara. What is something you think is underrated? Hm. Probably certain shows or movies that aren't coming to mind. Ah, "The Cat in the Hat" with Mike Myers is certainly one for me. It's such a meme that it's awful, but I love that movie. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Like 65*F. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I BETTER have a stable job. How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? Not often at all. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Sigh, reading. That hobby died at the hospital, when all I had to do was read and color all day every day because the mental institutions here are godawful. I really do miss reading. What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? Ha. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just the normal spicy kind. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? I don’t have a car. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? Michigan. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, here in NC. West? Illinois. How often do you run the dishwasher? We don't have one. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Sink. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. I have no desire for kids, I hate shopping, I have no interest in fashion... Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. I still don't want kids/don't have any kids. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Not really, but I suppose you could say my late grampa's old "cowboy" hat with feather tassels hanging on the wall is? It's aaaalways been on the walls in all our houses. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I dunno. I don't use any. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Mom majors in social work; Dad never went. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? No. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't remember. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Idr. How old were you when you learned how to swim? Again, idr. How do you react when someone is rude to you? I get really embarrassed for whatever reason and also verbally impulsive; you don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? No, but then again, I don't know if "too clingy" exists for me. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? It's too goddamn hot and humid as FUCK and all the insects are out. Do you have a Netflix account? Yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? Honestly, I can't even tell you. I've been on so, so few vacations, and those I have are almost exclusively to the beach, which I don't like. How long does it take to get there? The beach is ~2+ hours depending on which one we're going to. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? When I fully let Jason go, I guess. I don't think I've had a massive change since then. What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I never go into my sister's old room. What is the last random act of kindness you did? Don't drag me for playing WoW please okay. But anyway me and another player were heading to an old raid, and I flew to the spawn point of an incredibly rare mob that drops a mount to see if it was up; he was, and the guy was super thankful I checked for him (I already had it, so it wasn't for my own benefit). Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I do the opposite, really... as much as I hate that. I learned to finally keep the lights on in the room I'm in to combat depression, and after finding that it truly works well (if you have depression, seriously, LIGHT THAT ROOM UP), if it's even SLIGHTLY darker without it, that ceiling light's going on. Then at night, Mom likes me to keep the living room light on so it looks like more people are home (it's for safety). Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Nooooooo. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I LAAAAAAAAAHV them! Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? "I’ve had sex dreams but they weren’t kinky." <<<<<<<<<< Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? I have been craaaazy about Caleb Hyles covers lately. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? Yes. That's when I finally ended the "thing" with Joel, I think. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? If it's something I actually wrote instead of something I shared (which is almost exclusively what I do), I get really self-conscious and automatically embarrassed because my head screams "NOBODY CARES." Which friend do you confide in most? Easily Sara. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your opinion on Arby's? Ew. When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? I don't know. Haven't really thought about it, and besides, I think it'd depend on the layout. What is your favorite doughnut? Glazed. Closely followed by classic/cake. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? HA bitch we're poor. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Didn't read the books or watch the movies. What is your favorite party game? Mario Kart. Do you or your parents rake your yard? No. Were you pro-Obama? I was indifferent considering I didn't know enough about him. What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? *shrugs* What was the last illegal thing you did? Downloaded music. Who did you last go to the movies with? Ummm... Mom, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? No. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Like... every day for a long, long time now. I just want to have a job or be in school. I want to make progress towards a successful future. I know that's an extremely unhealthy desire to want to zoom through each day, but it's hard to cherish every, identical day lately. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. Have you ever heard voices? Audibly? I don't think so. Do you believe in angels and demons? I don't really know. I know there's life after death, but like, I don't know if your soul is "categorized." Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? I can't really get into that as I don't know the full story... Dad was good friends with them, but Mom got along with them too, and came divorce time, they turned evil to Mom. I don't know things that were said. Did your Barbies go on dates? I don't remember. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. She's the one who talked me through the revelation. Where did you meet your first crush? We went to the same school. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece. What do you want the most in life? Happiness. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? Letting Jason become everything. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? I wonder quite a bit who I'd be if the breakup never happened. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? No. Even when someone is home, I keep it cracked so it doesn't get so humid. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Uhhhhh would any female not choose Amy Lee. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Where did you buy your dishes from? I have NO idea. We've had the same fancy-ish dishes my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? In my lifetime, no. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? I have no clue. What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? I also don't know. Have you ever been on a ship? No, just boats. Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I'd have to think way too long on this. ACTUALLY. Maybe the Cheshire cat, off the top of my head. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? None. Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? Yeah. What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? ACTUALLY fuck off. Coming from someone who is overweight, get out of here with that shit. Don't normalize an unhealthy body. Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? Uh, other than in a sexual context, I don't think so, no. WAIT NO I bit my sister's back so hard as a kid that she bled, so probably. Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) Well read above. Ever gave one? Yeah. Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? I'm shy as fuck. Do you think it's weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? If you do think it is, I want nothing to do with your ass. It's 2019. Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? More than words can explain. My awkwardness, stuttering, lack of comfort with eye contact, and my body. Are you flirty at all? In certain instances with an s/o. Are you racist at all? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) It depends on the disability. With my own issues, I need to be able to handle theirs. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the police. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? If I was to have kids, I'd rather them be my own or wife's if I'm with a woman. But again, I don't want kids period. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you're hiding shit regarding another person from your partner. Do you try to be politically correct? Only to a certain degree. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? That's hard. I love seahorses, sea turtles, jellyfish, dolphins, whales... Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? I don't think so. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? It wasn't humiliating, at least back then when I had a healthy body. I have mixed emotions about its mandatory status... Like, exercise should absolutely be encouraged, but P.E. classes tend to be entirely inflexible in regards to accommodating different people's limits and conditions. Do you recycle? Sadly no. We have to drive to the dump in order to, and Mom got tired of it. Are you interested in current world issues? Not even nearly as much as I should. Do you think you are mature, or immature? It depends on the situation. What kind of career are you interested in? It'd be great if I could survive just off of photography, but odds are I won't be able to. So I'm trying to go back to college and major in zoology to be an out-on-the-field zoologist. Do you own a pair of sunglasses? No. Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? None; my hair is really short. When it was long, I used hair ties. How badly do you get acne? (If at all) I don't anymore, just the occasional pimple usually around that time of the month. What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG PERSON. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? For those who don't know me thoroughly, I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if someone thought I was a lazy freeloader going nowhere. I feel like most people think that anyway because I'm going through hell to get a job, don't have friends, and am not back in school yet. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? No unread ones. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? Last week or so when I deeply debated on whether or not to get rid of Kaiju (my juvenile don't-touch-me iguana). In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Math and economics. Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? No. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I believe that was my VR coach? Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? My old high school friend Robert. This dude's working at NASA while I'm at home every day at my laptop. I'm an adult. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My mom. What does your handwriting look like? It's a mix of (mostly) cursive and print, and I'm usually told it's "too" fancy and hard to read. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? No. Who were your best friends in primary school? Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Do you still speak to any of them? No. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a drink. I don't remember the last time I used one. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Maybe Vans? Are you more masculine or feminine? Idk. If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? Idk. Rainbow meerkat pawprints going up in a spiral around the cup? First thing that came to mind. What is the best beach you’ve been to? I've only been to two (I think), and I don't care enough about beaches or remember well enough to answer this. What is one thing you physically can’t do? There is no way in Heaven or Hell I could clean up vomit without hurling myself. Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? No. Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? No. What is your favorite park? Disney World, of course. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you chew gum regularly? No. Where did you go on your first train ride? N/A Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Most likely. What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) None, really. I grew up automatically biased to the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey thanks to Dad, but I don't actually care. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Oreos, preferably. Others, sometimes. What is something you are confident about? My knowledge of meerkats. Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? I don't really know if this "counts" as it was the product of severe anxiety over vomiting, but in middle school, I would constantly think I was going to be sick and took one Peptobismol literally everyday at school, usually in I think second period when my anxiety was bad enough. It finally ended when we ran out and I had to go without it and I saw I was okay. I was so happy when that shit ended. How do you feel about needles? Eh. The feeling is obviously unpleasant, but they don't bother me much; not at all for tattoos. Getting shots or blood drawn is a bit more "ew" because of the needle's length. But anyway, in general, needles are okay. What is your favorite accent to listen to? Maybe French for women, British for men. Or British for both, idk. What was the reason you last got dressed up? Went job hunting with my VR coach. Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? Not really cruel, no. ^ What were they? N/A Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? A bit loose. ^ What about on your preferred gender? I like both men and women, so. I tend to like more form-fitting on women and looser on men. Maybe. Idk actually. But pants. Give me skinny jeans on everyone. What do you do when you are really, really mad? Be WAY too impulsive about what comes out of my mouth. And I cry. Would you rather go naked than wear fur? Omfg don't do this. I guess wear fur. I hate my body too much. But I'd feel absolutely godawful. Do you put a line through your 7's? Yes. ^ What about your Z's? Yes. What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? More than anything else, rape. Are you able to forgive and forget? It's rare I'm unable to forgive, but forget? Nope. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Kiwi, too. What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? Peach/mango mix. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Oh my god in Heaven, yes. What about potatoes and cheese? Yeah. Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? Not lately. Toaster or toaster oven? I've only ever had a toaster oven. I like how you can see if something is starting to burn, anyway. What are you most known for? Likes meerkats more than she likes 99% of the human population. I keep my worship of Mark Fischfuckface on the down low irl so meerkats win overall. Do you have any reputations? What are they? I don't think so. Do you wear band shirts? Yeah. ^ What band was on the last one you wore? Uh... shit. I think Metallica? It's rare I have to put on "real" clothes now (yes, I stay in pjs all day bc I never leave the house), so idrk. Do you own any hats? Describe them. No. What about masks, you got any? Describe those. No. What was the last thing to leave you speechless? Watching the spire of the Cathedral collapse yesterday. That whole thing broke my heart. I know the serious valuables were saved, but still, there was so much damage to 800 years of incredible art and history. Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? I have like... one irl, serious friend. They both love him. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. As if she wasn't an awful one. Describe your favorite pair of socks. They're covered in meerkats. :'D Thanks, big sister. Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? No. Have any self-done piercings? No, not doing that shit. I'm too serious about piercings being done well and in the most hygienic manner. Ever pierced someone else? No, for the same reasons as above. Do you get distracted easily? Holy shit, yes. Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? It's anxiety-inducing as hell. How do you feel about getting new neighbors? Idc. How many ceiling fans are in your home? None. Do you tweet your life away? I don't use it. How do you feel about shameless self promoting? Ever since actually trying to get out in the freelance photography world, I get it, as uncomfortable as it is. HOWEVER, there are absolutely places where doing it is inappropriate. When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? Yeah. What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? Yeah.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

The story of my betta fish, because the world fucking sucks and tonight I lost one of my fish.

Tw animal death

I moved to Illinois from Michigan six months ago. I left my parents, my hometown, everything, in favor of my own life.

The shit I did to live here. On May 6 I decided that I was going to move to IL and on June 13 I did. In the space of that month I found a car, an apartment, packed up my entire life, and got here. Three days before I moved, my apartment fell through. Somehow I managed to find someone who's roommate had recently bailed without warning, and on the first day I arrived in Illinois I did an apartment tour and turned in my first month's rent.

I lived with my best friend and his parents for two weeks while I finalized my car sale, and then I was able to get to my apartment.

My best friend jokes that I have the memory of a goldfish, so his housewarming gift to me was a fish. We took a trip to the coolest fucking petstore in existence and I immediately headed to the shelves of betta fish.

Bettas are fucking beautiful and they had a decent amount to choose from. I was drawn to the beautiful silver blue and black one. With my girlfriend's help I named her Minnie, short for Minnow.

Minnie was my first fish so I was stupidly overprotective. I did hella research on how to take care of her and give her a good life. I got her a five gallon tank, a filter, gravel and plants, and a heater. Everything a fishie could want.

She was happy and strong. I bought her a little tent from the petstore that she loved to hide in, she ate, she had energy.

Then one day that went away. Every time I saw her she was lying on the bottom of her tank and she never really moved or ate. I was afraid she was just getting old. I did hours of research on what it could've been, and it seemed like swim bladder disorder. It should've been easily fixable. I fasted her then gave her daphnia. She never ate it. I made sure her tank was always warm and clean enough. She still always hid and rarely moved.

For a second it seemed like maybe she was getting better. But on Sunday I saw her hiding deep in one of her plants. This morning she hadn't moved, and I knew in my heart that when I got home after work I'd find her dead.

I got home tonight to find that my beautiful girl had passed on.

Minnie moved into my apartment with me. She started this new chapter of my life with me, she was the one constant that I always had. No matter what was going on with my friends or my job or my family, Minnie was always there when I got home. I remember one night I felt sad and alone and needed to talk, but it was 3am and no one was awake. So I plopped myself down in front of her tank and opened my heart to my sweet girl.

I've been trying my damnedest these last couple of weeks to get her feeling better because I hated that she was sick. But here I am, lying in bed, crying over my poor fish. I think I knew in my heart that she wasn't going to get better, but I never stopped hoping and trying.

TL;DR: The world sucks and took one of the things I loved the most.

[racingtoaredlight]

THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK ONE, TIME FOR THE GOOD STUFF

This is by far the best “opening” slate of games we’ve had in at least a couple of decades. The great thing about having a bunch of cross-country, inter-conference, top 25 matchups in the first week of the season is that we’ll all have a clear expectation of every team involved and will mostly have those ideas flipped over by the end of the month. Answers to questions but wrong, you know?

That’s ok because, really, the whole college football season is that same cycle over and over. And we love it, don’t we folks? We love it more than dying unfulfilled and for no reason with nothing at all to show for it in the larger scheme of the world. College football is a metaphor for life which is just an elaborate metaphor for college football.

Blah, blah eastern times and websites. There have already been approximately one million games played this week with a few FCS over FBS upsets and, upsettingly enough, Kansas was not one of the losers. Whooooooooo! Let’s get it on!

Saturday, September 4

Fordham at Nebraska   12:00pm   BTN

Fordham +46.5 might be the safest bet you can make this week.

ULM at Kentucky 12:00pm SECN

What can you say about Kentucky being favored by 31 over anybody except that it seems incredibly overconfident. They aren’t ranked in the top 10 so I assume they either skip Bama this year or don’t play them until October.

Temple at Rutgers    12:00pm  BTN

In real time the scheduling is fine but these first handful of games feel like a punishment for me crowing about the general quality of this week’s matchups.

Tulane at 2 Oklahoma  12:00pm  ABC

These are the games that come back to win Heisman trophies for Oklahoma QBs later in the year. If the Sooners don’t beat the spread (-31.5) they probably shouldn’t keep their ranking next week.

Holy Cross at UConn  12:00pm  CBSSN

If you can still get UConn -4 anywhere don’t. Holy hell that’s bleak. 4-points at home against Holy Cross. It’s getting real close to time to turn the lights off on the Huskies football program.

Colgate at Boston College  12:00pm  ACCN

If the Toothpastes can just score more than 7 they will have outperformed expectations. If they score more than 7 and hold BC under 60 they will likely have beaten the spread. Chomp ‘Em, Colgate! (I don’t think that’s really their motto but it should be.)

Western Michigan at Michigan  12:00pm  ESPN

I could’ve sworn Michigan played last week and lost but maybe I’m just used to that.

Stanford vs. Kansas State (in Arlington, TX)  12:00pm  FS1

There have been times over the last 25 years where this would be a matchup befitting of a premium neutral site but this is not even close to being one of those years. Definitely not in week one, at least.

19 Penn State at 12 Wisconsin  12:00pm  FOX

Nobody will ever make it make sense that Penn State still has a football program, let alone a football program that puts some of the best athletes into the NFL year after year in a post-Sandusky world.

Army at Georgia State  12:00pm  ESPNU

I can’t be the only one that thinks if the troops put together a football team with the best training and facilities available they’d still get their asses handed to them week after week like they do in illegal wars of aggression.

Fresno State at 11 Oregon  2:00pm   P12N

Kayvon Thibideaux didn’t make the list of “freaks” this year in the Athletic and I can’t tell if I’m just wildly overrating his abilities or if there was some weird oversight due to him announcing that he’ll be playing more standing up on the outside than with a hand in the dirt. Anyway, he’s fun to watch when he’s just pinning his ears back and rushing the QB and Fresno State throws a lot so this could be worth a few minutes of entertainment in this weird in-between time slot. Though, be warned, early kickoff Pac-12 games do tend to suck.

Lafayette at Air Force  2:00pm Stadium

Air Force favored by 42.5. You don’t see that often.

Rice at Arkansas  2:00pm  ESPN+/SECN+

A beautiful reminder of the old SWC. Nothing else. And that’s probably not enough reason to watch this. Arkansas is probably pretty bad but I have trouble believing Rice is going to keep it within 20 of anybody on the road.

17 Indiana at 18 Iowa  3:30pm  BTN

B1G’s plan is to prime the polls early so their teams seem better later on. I’m not falling for it. These are two shit teams that will only look good within the context of the B1G.

14 Miami (FL) vs. 1 Alabama (in Atlanta, GA)  3:30pm   ABC

Miami’s starters are about as old as an average NFL team’s and they’re still gonna get run over by the Bammers. The Canes do actually have a decent stock of pro prospects right now but a lot of these guys were on the field against UNC last year watching as the Tar Heels put up 3,492 rushing yards. So it’s a bunch of middle aged mid-round prospects against a shiny new crop of future stars. Bama should just get an auto-bid for the playoffs at this point until they prove they don’t belong anymore. I’m calling it now: it’s fine, I had a bunch of chores to do around the house anyway.

Marshall at Navy   3:30pm  CBSSN

Ah, the AAC. So dear to my heart. I hated everything Navy did last year but last year was a mulligan anyway. This year might be, too, in the end but for now we can pretend it’ll go off without a hitch.

Miami (Ohio) at 8 Cincinnati  3:30pm  ESPN+

The Bearcats are the darling of mainstream coverage if you’re looking for a playoff Cinderella. Which usually means they’ll lose three games in the regular season and won’t even make it to their conference championship.

West Virginia at Maryland  3:30pm  ESPN

Wait, is this a conference game now? A future conference game? I won’t be paying close attention to realignment. This should be a rivalry of some sort but I can’t quite put myself at ease with WFV in the ACC and Maryland will never belong anywhere but the ACC.

UMass at Pitt   4:00pm  ACCN

Pitt being favored by 35.5 feels like a trap.

Louisiana Tech at Mississippi State   4:00pm  ESPNU

LaTech must be sliding backwards as a program judging by the +23 line. I got nothing else here.

Montana State at Wyoming   4:00pm   ESPN+

I’m intrigued by the screaming amateurism that this game projects. I won’t actually watch it but the way it will look like a 4k remaster of a game from the 60s is appealing on a spiritual level.

Central Michigan at Missouri   4:00pm   SECN

Fuck Missouri.

23 Louisiana at 21 Texas   4:30pm   FOX

The line has moved heavily towards the Ragin Cajuns since it opened. Texas is still a solid favorite but there is something here that I have not been paying attention to so if you want to dig a little you might find some relatively easy money.

Northern Iowa at 7 Iowa State  4:30pm  ESPN+

Iowa State, #7 in the preseason. What a weird fucking time we live in.

San Jose State at 15 USC   5:00pm  P12N

Clay Helton is still the coach at USC. That’s crazy. This program has been sleepwalking through the last decade and they’re still able to pull a #15 ranking because they only have one or two teams on their schedule with a relatively equal talent level.

Gardner-Webb at Georgia Southern   6:00pm  ESPN3

Campbell at Liberty   6:00pm   ESPN3

Liberty’s QB is this year’s unheard of draft prospect that every self-styled draft expert/prognosticator on god’s green twitter is touting as a first round pick. I don’t have an opinion on him because I generally feel gross watching Liberty do anything.

Nicholls at Memphis   7:00pm  ESPN+

Go, Tigers, go. I don’t actually have any expectations calibrated for this year’s Memphis squad. I saw Kenneth Gainwell made a 53-man roster for the Eagles and couldn’t remember him being anything other than a freshman. Time is cruel.

Missouri State at Oklahoma State   7:00pm   ESPN+

If Oklahoma State can’t hit for at least 60 in this game they aren’t real and I hate them.

Monmouth at Middle Tennessee   7:00pm  ESPN3

Ah, Monmouth, Monmouth! These chips are too spicy!

Texas Tech vs. Houston (in Houston, TX)  7:00pm   ESPN

The future of the Big 12 is the SWC, as it always should have been. Well, I mean, aside from the SWC’s tentpole programs. Ah, fuck, it’s so weird and stupid.

Syracuse at Ohio   7:00pm   CBSSN

I still love CBSSN but no thank you.

Southern at Troy   7:00pm  ESPN3

Fading fast.

Oregon State at Purdue   7:00pm   FS1

Fading faster.

Norfolk State at Toledo   7:00pm   ESPN3

I’m evaporating.

Central Arkansas at Arkansas State   7:00pm   ESPN3

Eyes are closing.

Eastern Illinois at South Carolina   7:00pm   ESPN+/SECN+

Snoring softly.

Baylor at Texas State   7:00pm   ESPN+

Snapping to just to talk about how evil Baylor is in general, aside from the horrifically cursed athletics department.

Akron at Auburn   7:00pm   ESPN+/SECN+

Back to sleep.

Abilene Christian at SMU   7:00pm  ESPN+

Snoring loudly.

5 Georgia vs. 3 Clemson (in Charlotte, NC)   7:30pm   ABC

Ah, shit, here we go! It is party time! On paper this is an insanely good “opening” week matchup. But this is also the game that I most had in mind when I wrote about how kind of useless this week’s games are for the season going forward. Clemson is in the DJ Uiagalelei era now and even if he’s better long term than I suspect him of being, he’s still bound to be raw against a Georgia team that might actually have more overall talent than Clemson right now. But if he shows out he’ll be an immediate Heisman darling until he starts throwing lawn darts for a few weeks in a row. It’s fun but meaningless.

NIU at Georgia Tech   7:30pm    ACCN

Trash.

Northwestern State at North Texas   7:30pm   ESPN3

Crap.

UTSA at Illinois   7:30pm   BTN

Garbage.

William & Mary at Virginia   7:30pm   RSN/ESPN3

Funny if William & Mary wins but probably just miserable all around.

Florida Atlantic at 13 Florida   7:30pm   SECN

I don’t often fall into the trap of daydreaming about mascots fighting but an owl fighting an alligator is too good to pass up. There are owls of some sort pretty much everywhere in the world so they have to cross paths in nature with a gator every so often. If you have any videos of an owl winning these fights, please share them.

Southern Miss at South Alabama   8:00pm   ESPN+

Hell, yes. I can’t fully explain why this shitbox gets me a little bit excited but it does.

Kent State at 6 Texas A&M   8:00pm   ESPNU

Always root against Jimbo. Don’t always bet against him but definitely always root against him.

Montana at 20 Washington   8:00pm   P12N

Now this is interesting brand building to me. I don’t think there’s much here for UDub other than an expected win but Montana has been a pretty good team in I-AA over the years. If they can run closer than the +24 they’ve been given it could boost their profile quite a bit.

Duquesne at TCU   8:00pm   ESPN+

I’m not falling for this one.

ETSU at Vanderbilt   8:00pm   ESPN+/SECN+

Vanderbilt is a 21-point favorite and I am telling you, gentle reader, that is a mistake.

16 LSU at UCLA   8:30pm   FOX

UCLA hasn’t been a top talent draw on the West Coast in the last 20 years for whatever reason. This is what I meant by USC sleepwalking. It feels like, to me, going to school in Westwood and playing home games in the Rose Bowl would be a bigger draw than University Village and the Coliseum. But maybe being able to walk to games is important to recruits. Whatever, LSU is going to fuck the Bruins up right there in the Rose Bowl so that’s not gonna help anything.

Bethune-Cookman at UTEP   9:00pm   ESPN3

This is as close to a bodybag game as UTEP can get, at least where they’re the favorites, but I will say this for BCU: their uniforms are usually pretty cool.

New Mexico State at San Diego State   10:30pm   CBSSN

This is that real MWC shit. Lovely to me for reasons I have not been and never will be able to articulate.

Arizona vs. BYU (in Las Vegas, NV)  10:30pm   ESPN

This game is Mormon as hell. If you know any Mormon football fans then they probably have an interest in this game. Bless ‘em, nobody else will have an interest but readers of Moroni sure as hell will.

Nevada at California    10:30pm   FS1

Hmm. Maybe. I doubt I can sink much time into it but I do like the overload of different dark shades of blue threads involved here if nothing else.

Utah State at Washington State   11:00pm   P12N

And here we have a ton of red, depending on alternates and whatnot.

Portland State at Hawaii   11:59pm   Spectrum PPV

A historic showcase for the run & shoot but I don’t know what either offense is supposed to be right now.

Sunday, September 5

9 Notre Dame at Florida State   7:30pm   ABC

Notre Dame is only favored by 7. Did FSU get a huge influx of talent that I totally missed or is the line just something nice in honor of Bobby Bowden? From what I know of these two programs from last year, the Irish should be at least a 3 TD overdog. Was Ian Book really all that great? I thought he was a good QB but I am thoroughly confused by what’s driving the odds on this one.

Monday, September 6

Louisville vs. Mississippi (in Atlanta, GA)   8:00pm   ESPN

Yehaw. What a weird way to close things out. Why aren’t the UGas and the Cocaine Tigers playing in this slot? The racist south is favored by 10 but, off the top of my head, I don’t think they’re actually any better than Louisville. Whatever, there’s close to a zero percent chance I even remember this game is happening.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Aiding Her Dying Husband, a Geriatrician Learns the Emotional and Physical Toll of Caregiving

The loss of a husband. The death of a sister. Taking in an elderly mother with dementia.

This has been a year like none other for Dr. Rebecca Elon, who has dedicated her professional life to helping older adults.

This story also ran on The Washington Post. It can be republished for free.

It’s taught her what families go through when caring for someone with serious illness as nothing has before. “Reading about caregiving of this kind was one thing. Experiencing it was entirely different,” she told me.

Were it not for the challenges she’s faced during the coronavirus pandemic, Elon might not have learned firsthand how exhausting end-of-life care can be, physically and emotionally — something she understood only abstractly previously as a geriatrician.

And she might not have been struck by what she called the deepest lesson of this pandemic: that caregiving is a manifestation of love and that love means being present with someone even when suffering seems overwhelming.

All these experiences have been “a gift, in a way: They’ve truly changed me,” said Elon, 66, a part-time associate professor at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and an adjunct associate professor at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.

Elon’s uniquely rich perspective on the pandemic is informed by her multiple roles: family caregiver, geriatrician and policy expert specializing in long-term care. “I don’t think we, as a nation, are going to make needed improvements [in long-term care] until we take responsibility for our aging mothers and fathers — and do so with love and respect,” she told me.

Elon has been acutely aware of prejudice against older adults — and determined to overcome it — since she first expressed interest in geriatrics in the late 1970s. “Why in the world would you want to do that?” she recalled being asked by a department chair at Baylor College of Medicine, where she was a medical student. “What can you possibly do for those [old] people?”

Elon ignored the scorn and became the first geriatrics fellow at Baylor, in Houston, in 1984. She cherished the elderly aunts and uncles she had visited every year during her childhood and was eager to focus on this new specialty, which was just being established in the U.S. “She’s an extraordinary advocate for elders and families,” said Dr. Kris Kuhn, a retired geriatrician and longtime friend.

In 2007, Elon was named geriatrician of the year by the American Geriatrics Society.

Her life took an unexpected turn in 2013 when she started noticing personality changes and judgment lapses in her husband, Dr. William Henry Adler III, former chief of clinical immunology research at the National Institute on Aging, part of the federal National Institutes of Health. Proud and stubborn, he refused to seek medical attention for several years.

Eventually, however, Adler’s decline accelerated and in 2017 a neurologist diagnosed frontotemporal dementia with motor neuron disease, an immobilizing condition. Two years later, Adler could barely swallow or speak and had lost the ability to climb down the stairs in their Severna Park, Maryland, house. “He became a prisoner in our upstairs bedroom,” Elon said.

By then, Elon had cut back on work significantly and hired a home health aide to come in several days a week.

In January 2020, Elon enrolled Adler in hospice and began arranging to move him to a nearby assisted living center. Then, the pandemic hit. Hospice staffers stopped coming. The home health aide quit. The assisted living center went on lockdown. Not visiting Adler wasn’t imaginable, so Elon kept him at home, remaining responsible for his care.

“I lost 20 pounds in four months,” she told me. “It was incredibly demanding work, caring for him.”

Meanwhile, another crisis was brewing. In Kankakee, Illinois, Elon’s sister, Melissa Davis, was dying of esophageal cancer and no longer able to care for their mother, Betty Davis, 96. The two had lived together for more than a decade and Davis, who has dementia, required significant assistance.

Elon sprang into action. She and two other sisters moved their mother to an assisted living facility in Kankakee while Elon decided to relocate a few hours away, at a continuing care retirement community in Milwaukee, where she’d spent her childhood. “It was time to leave the East Coast behind and be closer to family,” she said.

By the end of May, Elon and her husband were settled in a two-bedroom apartment in Milwaukee with a balcony looking out over Lake Michigan. The facility has a restaurant downstairs that delivered meals, a concierge service, a helpful hospice agency in the area and other amenities that relieved Elon’s isolation.

“I finally had help,” she told me. “It was like night and day.”

Previously bedbound, Adler would transfer to a chair with the help of a lift (one couldn’t be installed in their Maryland home) and look contentedly out the window at paragliders and boats sailing by.

“In medicine, we often look at people who are profoundly impaired and ask, ‘What kind of quality of life is that?’” Elon said. “But even though Bill was so profoundly impaired, he still had a strong will to live and retained the capacity for joy and interaction.” If she hadn’t been by his side day and night, Elon said, she might not have appreciated this.

Meanwhile, her mother moved to an assisted living center outside Milwaukee to be nearer to Elon and other family members. But things didn’t go well. The facility was on lockdown most of the time and staff members weren’t especially attentive. Concerned about her mother’s well-being, Elon took her out of the facility and brought her to her apartment in late December.

For two months, she tended to her husband’s and mother’s needs. In mid-February, Adler, then 81, took a sharp turn for the worse. Unable to speak, his face set in a grimace, he pounded the bed with his hands, breathing heavily. With hospice workers’ help, Elon began administering morphine to ease his pain and agitation.

“I thought, ‘Oh, my God, is this what we ask families to deal with?’” she said. Though she had been a hospice medical director, “that didn’t prepare me for the emotional exhaustion and the ambivalence of giving morphine to my husband.”

Elon’s mother was distraught when Adler died 10 days later, asking repeatedly what had happened to him and weeping when she was told. At some point, Elon realized her mother was also grieving all the losses she had endured over the past year: the loss of her home and friends in Kankakee; the loss of Melissa, who’d died in May; and the loss of her independence.

That, too, was a revelation made possible by being with her every day. “The dogma with people with dementia is you just stop talking about death because they can’t process it,” Elon said. “But I think that if you repeat what’s happened over and over and you put it in context and you give them time, they can grieve and start to recover.”

“Mom is doing so much better with Rebecca,” said Deborah Bliss, 69, Elon’s older sister, who lives in Plano, Texas, and who believes there are benefits for her sister as well. “I think having [Mom] there after Bill died, having someone else to care for, has been a good distraction.”

And so, for Elon, as for so many families across the country, a new chapter has begun, born out of harsh necessities. The days pass relatively calmly, as Elon works and she and her mother spend time together.

“Mom will look out at the lake and say, ‘Oh, my goodness, these colors are so beautiful,’” Elon said. “When I cook, she’ll tell me, ‘It’s so nice to have a meal with you.’ When she goes to bed at night, she’ll say, ‘Oh, this bed feels so wonderful.’ She’s happy on a moment-to-moment basis. And I’m very thankful she’s with me.”

We’re eager to hear from readers about questions you’d like answered, problems you’ve been having with your care and advice you need in dealing with the health care system. Visit khn.org/columnists to submit your requests or tips.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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[josephbinningyoumatter]

HOW TO LIVE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE, ON PURPOSE

We live in a fast-paced, ever developing, and ever-changing world. Full of Tweets, Likes, and shares. In an instant someone’s life can change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. All by hitting send. We decide based on them. What we wear. What we buy. Where we go. How we act and yes, how we show up in life. We decide if we like someone, something, or someplace based on popularity. It is part of our culture now and has become the new social norm, so we all accept it. But are we being authentic? Are we being true to ourselves, or just being marketed and tricked into thinking this is how we should be, act, or show up? You are one decision away from an original life. Only you can decide which way it will turn out. Merriam-Webster defines Authentic as: not false or Imitation: REAL, ACTUAL, and true to one’s personality, spirit, or character. Moving your life in the direction that is not false or Imitation: REAL, ACTUAL, and true to one’s personality, spirit, or character aligns you with the things in life you want and desire and will prevent you from living in fear of thinking “what will happen if I say no?”. Using any method to attain something will NOT work if you do not know what you want as the outcome. The mistake we all make is we focus on the person, place, or thing we think will save us and we focus on something way too big. This creates an enormous gap between where you are verses where you want to be that you think will rescue you from your miserable life right now. That gap can be the thing that can make you feel lost in figuring out what you want, and discovering what your passion or direction is, or should be. Those in life who are genuinely happy in life understand the power of, and vehemently stick to, being their authentic selves.   EXAMPLES OF A NON-AUTHENTIC LIFE EXAMPLE 1 Your friends' lives may look more exciting than yours on Facebook, but recent research reveals that is because they might be faking it. A recent survey has found around two-thirds of people on social media post images to their profiles to make their lives seem more adventurous. And over three quarters of those asked said they judged their peers based on what they saw on their Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook profiles. A published British survey, by smartphone maker HTC, found that, to make our own pages and lives appear more exciting, six percent also said they had borrowed items to include in the images to pass them off as their own. More than half of those surveyed said they posted images of items and places purely to cause jealousy among friends and family. 76 percent of those asked also said seeing items on social media influences them to buy them, with men more likely to take style advice and buy what they see.     EXAMPLE 2 Over 5,000 people have taken the free online test “Does Your Job Require High or Low Emotional Intelligence?” And after analyzing the data, they made a scary discovery. It was discovered that 51% of people said that they Always or Frequently have to ‘act’ or ‘put on a show’ at work. But they made an even bigger discovery; 51% who must ‘put on a show at work’ are 32% less likely to love their job. Or put another way, if you do not have to fake your emotions at work, you are 32% more likely to love your job. And not only will you be more likely to love your job, you are also much less likely to have negative feelings about your job. People that do not have to put on a show are 59% less likely to dislike or hate their job. This data also suggests that many people would probably enjoy taking a deep look at their own emotional intelligence, particularly to discover whether they must do lots of acting on the job. The more they are forced to act like they have the right attitude, the less happy they will ultimately be.         EXAMPLE 3 Another related construct is the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. Sociologist Robert K. Merton coined the term to describe a phenomenon that dates to Ancient Greece. Basically, a prediction about the outcome of a situation can invoke a new behavior that leads to the prediction coming true. For example, if I believed that I would fail an exam, that belief may have led me to alter the strategies I used for preparation and taking the test, and I would probably fail it. While I may have had an excellent chance to pass, my belief hindered my performance, and I made this belief become a reality. Psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy works for both negative and positive predictions, showing again that the beliefs you hold impact what happens to you.         EXAMPLE 4 In a yearlong study it was found that those ringing the alarm bells the loudest about climate change are the least likely to change their own behavior. They just want everyone else to. The study divided 600 adults who reported on their climate-change beliefs into three groups: "skeptical," "cautiously worried" and "highly concerned." Then the researchers — from the University of Michigan and Cornell University — tracked how often they reported doing things like recycling, using public transportation, buying environmentally friendly consumer products, and reusing shopping bags. And they asked about support for government mandates like CO2 emission reduction, gasoline taxes and renewable energy subsidies. The Journal of Environmental Psychology published the findings. What they found was very illuminating. The researchers found that the "highly concerned" group was the least likely to take individual action, but they were the most insistent on government action. The "skeptical" group, in contrast, was the most likely to recycle, use public transportation and do other environmentally sound things all on their own. Skeptics were least likely to endorse costly government regulations and mandates. "Belief in climate change," the researchers explained, "predicted support for government policies, but rarely translated to individual-level, self-reported pro-environmental behavior." In plain English: The position of climate-change genuine believers is: Do as I say, not as I do. This study supports a YouGov poll reported on recently, which found that most of those who believe in catastrophic global warming are not doing anything on their own to combat it. More than half said they are not cutting back on their use of fossil fuels or changing their recycling or composting habits. Another study found that "conservation scientists," have carbon footprints that do not differ from those of anyone else. The study found that these scientists "still flew frequently — an average of nine flights a year — ate meat or fish approximately five times a week and rarely purchased carbon offsets for their own emissions."   EXAMPLE 5 A study by Deloitte found that 61% of millennial's who rarely or never volunteer still consider a company’s commitment to the community when deciding on a potential job even though 60% of hiring managers see the act of volunteerism as a valuable asset when making recruitment decisions according to a study performed by Career Builder. 92% of human resource executives agree that volunteering can improve an employee’s leadership skills. Only 4% of college graduates, 25 years or older, volunteer each year. Millennial's ages 18 to 30 are more likely to have gone to a protest since the election than any other age group, according to a HuffPost/YouGov poll conducted from Feb. 1 to Feb. 3. Millennial's are also more likely than older groups to think protesting is an effective form of political action. In recent days America has seem mass protests and unrest which has in every corner of the country left charred and shattered landscapes in dozens of American cities over the death of George Floyd. They estimate that the damages left behind will total in the billions. Cities who encountered the most loss and damages include:     Minneapolis, Minn. Los Angeles California New York, NY Philadelphia, PA Nashville Tenn. San Francisco, CA. Detroit, Mich. Portland, Ore. Chicago, Ill. Atlanta, Ga. Washington, D.C. In a national survey reported by the National Service Knowledge Network of Volunteer Rates by State they ranked the followings states in this order. Minneapolis, Minn.             Minnesota #1 with a 43.23% volunteer rate statewide. Portland, Ore.                     Oregon #13 with a 31.42% volunteer rate statewide. Washington, D.C.                District of Columbia #14 with a 31.07% volunteer rate statewide. Philadelphia, PA                  Pennsylvania #22 with a 28.03% volunteer rate statewide. Detroit, Mich.                       Michigan #26 with a 26.64% volunteer rate statewide. Chicago, Ill.                          Illinois #31 with a 24.85% volunteer rate statewide. Nashville Tenn.                    Tennessee #33 with a 24.12% volunteer rate statewide. Los Angeles CA                   California #34 with a 23.89% volunteer rate statewide. Atlanta, Ga.                          Georgia #39 with a 23.00% volunteer rate statewide. New York, NY                      New York #49 with a 19.61% volunteer rate statewide.   This survey points out that except for Minnesota, the cities who had the most people who marched to support the problem, volunteered, and supported in the community the least.They estimate that over one million people will attend a George Floyd protest, yet most have never volunteered in the neighborhoods who need the help the most. Some officials estimate that most still will not.   How to Live an Authentic Life, On Purpose   Most of us struggle with the need to be seen, heard, respected, and yes, Loved. We all want to stay true to ourselves, but we also want to fit in. Therein lies the dilemma. How do we stay true to ourselves, yet still stay in our Tribe? We were born and created Tribal, a community, a family, and not meant to do this alone. Our Tribe is who we associate with, trust, and allow to influence us. They are that powerful group who are our biggest support system and cheerleaders. They become a family and we can sometimes know them all our lives. They make you feel relevant, seen, heard, important, and valued. But are they the right tribe for you? Are they really your family, or just your influence? Living an Authentic Life will prevent you from joining the wrong tribe and surround yourself with only those who will make you better by being honest with you. Calling you out when you mess up. Praising you on the victories, and yes, walking next to you in the dark valley’s that life will always throw at you. When you do not know WHO you are, someone else will decide it for you and it might or might not be the person you want to be. So how do we do it? How do we keep the passion, yet still be authentic? How do we be REAL, NOT FAKE?   Here are some suggestions. - Start with the person in the mirror first. Too many times people seek approval first, and acceptance second. Stop it! Look in the mirror at the person you see and accept them, warts, and all. You are not perfect and need not be, but you are perfect for you. Accept that! - Own your life, do not borrow one. Successful and Happy people need not prove anything to anyone, and they do not need other’s approval. The beautiful thing about life is if you dislike yours, you can always change it. When the haters hate, and they will, let them. And forget them. When you make a mistake, and you will own it 100%, then move on. It's in our mistakes we learn what will and will not work. - Be honest, do not live a lie. Do not pretend to be something or someone you are not, for someone else’s sake. If people do not accept you, as you are, where you are, for WHO you are they should not be in your life, let alone influence you. - Be ALL IN. A living example, more than words, will create action. If you believe in a movement, LIVE the movement 100%. If you believe in a cause, LIVE the cause 100%. Show me how you want me to see you and I will see you. Tell me and it will get lost in the noise. Give 100% every day to everything, especially yourself. Just be All In! - Forgive easily, and often. Successful and Happy people do not hold a grudge, they cannot. It impedes progress. It holds them back. It makes you bitter. Give others the same break you give yourself and forgive yourself, often. Others, and you, will be glad you did. - Put your own oxygen mask on first. We have all heard the warnings on airplanes, “if they deploy the oxygen masks, puts yours on first, then those who are with you next”. Make a habit of taking care of yourself, first. Self-care is the most important care you will ever receive. Make it a regular occurrence and do it often. - Live your life in Service to Humanity. Countless studies have shown that those who put other's needs above their own live longer, happier, more fulfilling lives. Care. Genuinely care. About others, about issues, about people. Then serve them. Do not save them, rescue them, or bail them out. Serve them by allowing your help to be about them, and not you. Do it with no expectations. If you need to be thanked, you did it for the wrong person. - If you have a choice between being right verses being kind, be kind. Successful and happy people can “give others a break”. They do not always need to be right. It is not a reflection on them. Sometimes it is better to lose the battle and win the war. - Pay everything forward. We deserve nothing in life. Life is not fair; it is designed that way. When you receive anything, it is a gift, be thankful, and share it. If you clutch on to life with a clenched fist so nothing can escape, nothing can enter either. Be generous, and life will be generous back. Volunteer, donate, serve, contribute, take part, mentor, and ask nothing in return. Remember, if you need to be thanked, it is a bribe, not a gift. - Life rewards the brave, so be brave. Take a chance, be vulnerable, be approachable, be teachable, take the first step, start the conversation, listen intending to listen and without thinking of what you will say next. Step outside of your comfort zone. That is where you will grow the most. A plant, transplanted from a pot to the ground will grow bigger and stronger, naturally. - Be more understanding. We are a divided world today. Friends lose friends over politics. People are against someone, someplace, or something without ever attempting to understand things from the other people's point of view. Take the time to ask why they believe what they believe, then shut up, do not interrupt, or interject, and just listen. Ask questions, with the desire to learn something and let them believe it even if you do not. People do not care what you know until they know you care. - Be more accepting of others Allow others to coexist around you as they are, not how you think they should be. Successful and Happy people are not threatened by what they do not understand. They attempt to understand it and accept that whatever it might be is the right choice for the other person even though it might not be the right choice for them and is no reflection on them. Accepting others as they are, where they are, for who they are, just as they are is one of the greatest ways to understand others and have a meaningful conversation with them. Do so intending to understand them, not to prove them wrong. If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy. Read the full article

[cougardraven]

A Life Through Actions, or Who I Am is What I’ve Done

When I was fifteen, my grandfather passed away. To date, he had been the closest thing I had had to a father figure in my life. My own father wasn't really in the picture (for a lot of reasons that boil down to "two people who probably shouldn't have had kids at that point in their life did anyway, and it destroyed them both"), so it was kind of a big deal. So I collapsed in on myself and shut down, and stopped going to school altogether, and got expelled for excessive absences some weeks after I turned 16, and had to go through summer school to get back in.

Two weeks after the start of that new school year, though, I wasn't feeling well, and I decided that I needed to stay home because I was sick. This happened to be the second time that had happened (I'm still not sure if it was emotional bullshit or a legit physical thing), and my mom decided that I had become unreasonable, and sent me to live with my father (who had come back into the picture during that summer) in a completely different state. I uprooted my life literally overnight. It wouldn't be the last time. (Fun fact: one thing that may have made a larger difference, may have not: on my way from my old home in Michigan and my new home in Illinois, I took too long while packing and my father was thus unable to take me to a football game at the Big House in Ann Arbor. Who knows? Maybe that would have put us off on a better foot and paved a better path. It's been almost fifteen years now, so it doesn't matter, but it's a bit of food for thought.)

During the summer before my senior year of high school, now in Illinois, a friend of mine introduced me to this website that was fairly popular among people our age. It was called Gaia Online. (Don't sweat this, I'm laying some groundwork here.) At that point, I was 18, pining hard for the recent ex-girlfriend of one of my closest friends (but not for long), and living in a homeless shelter, as I'd been kicked out of my dad's house less than a week after I turned 18.

The next summer, a few months after I'd graduated high school, I got word that my grandmother was on the cusp of passing away, so I was bundled back to Michigan with the intent that I would stay a week to attend the funeral, and then return to Illinois to resume...whatever it was I was doing. (Waaaaaay too much drinking and smoking, of various substances.) Instead, I stayed in Michigan for the better part of a year, couching it with friends.

While I was there, I cultivated a few relationships on said website, Gaia: the first, with a guy who shares a lot of my fractured understanding of the world, and the second, with a woman I'd met through friends, and the next summer, she came up to visit and we spent most of a three-day period in a hotel room. On the last day, I had a dispute with my best friend at the time that was fairly bad, and I decided then and there to leave, and I moved, on the spot, to North Carolina, with my future wife (and also future ex-wife, because life's just funny like that).

About a year and a half later, we'd bounced from place to place, not just in an apartment sense, but in a North Carolina -> Arkansas -> Oklahoma -> Alabama sense, and we were living with her mother at the time. Now, my former mother-in-law is a crazy drunken evil person, so it was difficult on the best of days, but in late December, shit came to a head and she drunkenly decided to try to force us to live in the uninsulated garage (and shit, I know it's Alabama, but my ex was *pregnant*, and it did get a bit chilly that winter), and when we balked at that, quite reasonably, I felt, she flipped the fuck out and kicked us out of the house altogether. So we bailed on Alabama, and drove back up to Illinois. (We considered Michigan, but I had had previous experience with the homeless shelter structure here, and to this date I'm not even aware if one exists in the Detroit Metro outside of the city proper.)

Fast-forward to a year and a half later, where two things happened, in some order: the friend I made on Gaia years before introduced me to a little webseries that had been popular on Something Awful, and was starting to spawn similar series: Marble Hornets; and I went up to the local community college and took a calculus placement test with the intention to start school in the fall. I did not.

A little over a year after that, my ex left me and forced me out of the apartment with a restraining order. I, being in no state of mind to really do much of anything rational, ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a little over a month. While I was in there, I made a contact with a local support service provider, but nothing really came of it. When I got out, having nowhere to go, I entered the homeless program. Again.

During the first winter I was homeless, I met a dude who seemed chill and shared my love for comic books and other generally nerdy bullshit, including things like Red vs. Blue. We became friends, and when he got a place at the end of the next summer, he let me crash there sometimes when the weather was really harsh. He also introduced me to another friend of his, who also became my friend.

After the second summer I was homeless, I was put back into contact with the service provider I'd talked to two years before, in lieu of going back to the hospital, and they got me into housing, where I still am. The next winter, I started school. At the beginning of the following fall semester, in the second or third week, someone joined my calculus class from another section that they couldn't actually be placed in. I took note of them, and after a couple of weeks, they took note of me and we started to hang out occasionally.

About eight months later, at the end of the spring semester, we had taken another class at the same time, and I was at their house for some gathering or another, when their stepfather happened to be outside and asked if I could use some extra work helping his company pull wires.

That was three years ago. I just attended an A/V industry expo in Chicago today, and in a few weeks I'll be able to put "professional audio engineer" in my work information on Facebook. (Technically I probably could have done it sometime early last year, but I didn't.) I have a nine-year-old daughter that I never see because she and her mom live across the damn country from me, and my own piss-poor living situation has led to my parents straight up not letting me know when she's in town. I have ridiculous trust issues and maybe four real friends. (Who they are depends on the day, sometimes.) And I have this life because of one decision.

Except I don't, not really. The decision to not go to school when I was fifteen may have been the thing that opened the door, but I walked through it. Others walked through it. It's odd that I can trace the course of my life to one thing. To my giving up on trying to be a social being. I accept that. I accept that things would have been different, would have *had* to be drastically different. I would have graduated a year earlier than I did. I very likely would have gone to college. I would probably have lived at home with my mom until I got a degree, and then I would probably have started teaching math, or been cajoled into going to law school or some shit. At least, that's the best guess I have playing out from that timeframe.

But I'm okay with that not being my reality. Changing the decision points in my life might not feel like they would have made a huge difference at times, but they would. Staying in Illinois after high school wouldn't have changed me ending up with my ex-wife, I was already on that path before I left. But it might not have happened at the same time as it did. If I hadn't bailed to North Carolina, I would have eventually (probably) moved down there eventually anyway. Even if I didn't move to Oklahoma, we almost certainly would have ended up in Alabama sooner or later. But without that experience, I wouldn't have a Zippo that's probably the only actually significant "thing" I own, because it's been with me longer than anything else I own that isn't clothing. If we'd moved to Michigan instead of Illinois when we came back north, I wouldn't have been in the places I needed to be to have anything else happen. I certainly wouldn't have come here to visit.

If my friend hadn't introduced me to Marble Hornets, I wouldn't have met a community of people that supported me when I needed it most, but then cast me aside. If I had gone to school when I originally intended, I wouldn't have been in a calculus class a few years ago that introduced me to someone I've worked with for years. If I hadn't met my friend in the homeless system, I wouldn't be on the verge of starting a second YouTube channel with him and our other friend.

Everything that I am is the sum of the things I have done. All the little things that don't seem to make much sense at the beginning, add up to the picture of a complete person. Broken, dejected, volatile, sure, but complete.

[omfgtrump]

The Two Viruses: Part 5

While the country continues to careen deeper in to the Covid-19 crisis, The Don is creating a real time version of “Survivor.”

In this version, The Don pretends to be a war-time leader during a dark time. Each day he comes out on live TV and spins tales of his greatness and creates a Darwinian world where people and states fight to get what they need to mitigate the death toll.

In the first episode, The Don sets the tone for the show:

“Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment — try getting it yourselves (said to governors.) We will be backing you, but try getting it yourselves. Point of sales, much better, much more direct if you can get it yourselves.”

New York State Governor, Andrew Cuomo and governors from Michigan and Illinois, have taken to the airwaves decrying the fact that, in their search for desperately needed ventilators, they have been in a bidding war with each other. A complete lack of a centrally organized federal response has left them without the equipment they need to obviate the choice of doctors to decide who shall live and who shall die.

Let’s dissect that. In the great U.S., governors are bidding with each other for life-saving equipment. To the Don, it is like bidding on real estate. Rumor has it that he recently commented to one of his aides that “It’s a dog eat dog world. These governors are just wimps. When I had my eye on a property, I got that property. I did whatever it took: sometimes it was nasty, but I always won.”

In his efforts to undermine and weaken one of the contestants, Governor, Andrew Cuomo, The Don told Sean Hannity that he had “a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they’re going to be. I don’t believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators (in New York.)”

Then in an attempt to turn Cuomo in to hateful contestant he tweeted that the governor had simply misplaced the ventilators: “Thousands delivered Federal Government Ventilators found in New York storage. N.Y. must distribute NOW!” (Cuomo responded that the president was wrong and “grossly uninformed.”)

Rumor has it that he turned to his aide and said: “Cuomo is getting too much air time and good ratings, we need to bring him down to size. Other governors will turn on him when they think he is hoarding ventilators, while crying like a baby that he needs more.” (Cuomo responded that the president was wrong and “grossly uninformed.”)

He went on to say, “You know they hate me in New York. I made that town what it is, but now they hate me. They don’t appreciate all the great things I am doing. Now that I think of it, New York, San Francisco, Chicago are all part of blue states. Those people don’t vote for me. That’s an interesting story line for the show. Red Vs Blue.

Aide: That’s pure political genius.

The Don: It’s like the civil war all over again. It’s time to take back our country.

Aide: Yes it is, Mr. President.

The Don: But I’ve got to say that after I do the press conferences the entire virus thing is so boring. This staying in place. Shutting down America thing. Real Americans don’t do that. We need to get back to work. We need normalcy. This virus thing is requiring me to work way too much. I miss golf. Hey, I have an idea, how about give the press conferences from one of my golf courses?

Aide: I don’t know Mr. President. Could be bad optics.

The Don: You think so?

Aide: Mr. President, people are dying out there.

People die everyday! People are too scared. America can’t be shut down. Seems to me “the cure is worse than the problem”. I want a news crew to come down with me to my Jersey course and I will tee off, like I just teed off on that incompetent Governor of Michigan. Can you believe the nerve of that woman? All she has to do is say what a great job I’m doing, you know, show a little love and she can get all the ventilators and masks she needs.

Aide: Not a good look Mr. President.

The Don: Which?

Aide Both, Teeing off on the governor and teeing off on the golf course.

The Don: But you are missing the point. I stand tall and look out down the fairway and say ‘America, we are back. It’s time to get back to work.’ Powerful image don’t you think. Me standing tall, going in to my perfect swing with my 3 iron and yelling “Fore, America is moving forward. Like that-fore, forward. Stable genius, stable genius, that’s me.

Did you hear what Dr. Birx, the science nerd, said about me?

“He has been so attentive to the details and the data, and his ability to analyze and integrate data has been a real benefit during these discussions about medical issues.”

Aide: Absolutely, you are the most stable genius I know. She finally gets you. At first, I wasn’t sure she was all in with you-she seemed more on the side of that little shit Tony.

The Don: You mean Little Tony, the guy who wants to be a big guy? He’s lucky he is still up on the stage. Maybe I should just put him way at the end of the stage so he is off camera.

Aide: That would be so funny Mr. President. So what do you think made get so stable genius about you yesterday?

The Don: Well, let me say this. Everyone has their price. Everyone has something in their past you can exploit.

Aide: Like Biden and the Ukraine, that kind of thing.

Exactly. And let me tell you that science nerd has done some crazy shit in her day-beyond kinky, so I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. Totally loyalty and praising my genius or total exposure. I showed her the clip Fox News was ready to run.

That’s genius, sir.

The Don: Also, isn’t amazing that only 100,000 to 200.000 people will die. It could have been 2 million. Now that’s victory. Talk about statistics to gloat about on the next episode.

Aide: Great for your ratings, sir.

Did you see my tweet about my ratings:

Because the “Ratings” of my News Conferences etc. are so high, “Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers” according to the @nytimes, the Lamestream Media is going CRAZY. “Trump is reaching too many people, we must stop him.” said one lunatic. See you at 5:00 P.M.!

Also, it’s so annoying how we have had to delay the return to work for a few weeks but on the next episode I can preview the return to normalcy by having the Easter Bunny appear with me on the golf course. Better look?

Genius, Mr. President, total genius. Previewing the resurrecting of the country during the resurrection.

The Don: What?

Aide: You know, Jesus returning from the dead.

The Don: You believe that shit? Who needs Jesus when they have me?

Aide: Absolutely, Mr. President. Absolutely. Who is Jesus compared to you?

    Albert Camus wrote in his prescient novel ” The Plague” that “The only way to fight the plague is with decency.”  A president who celebrates his TV ratings while people are dying has no decency. Let’s hope the America people do.

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[stories-aesthetics]

Third Coast City

A/N

you’d think a gal would know more about her city, but boy, I don’t get out enough! This story is for @dancingalone21 Lau’s Summer Escape Challenge, my spot was Chicago, Illinois. I hope y’all like it! It’s short, and it highlights some of my favorite spots in and around the city. It’s also 3 days past it’s due date, so even more apologizes for that.

Word Count: 1100ish

    “Samuel Winchester! Get up get up get up!” Y/N said with a laugh, pushing and pulling on him as she kneeled on the bed. It was their first weekend away from Dean in a long time, so she was going to make the absolute most of it. After hours and hours of arguing, turning around on the road after driving for miles, and a few moments of just giving up, they finally settled on Chicago, Illinois, the Third Coast City. It had always been a dream of Y/N’s to live in a big, hustle and bustle city, but after losing her roommate to a vampire and getting found by the Winchesters… Her plans had to change, her whole life gone upside down in mere days.

    “Mmh… five more minutes, this is my vacation too y’know.” Sam grumbled and rolled face down into their hotel pillows. Not a motel, no. They were staying at a real, clean, friendly hotel just outside of city, and Sam was going to take advantage of that as much as he could. He was glad to be away from his brother and with his wonderful girlfriend, but he also cherished his sleep. No running at 4:45am, no research, and no hunt. Just him, his girlfriend, and a wonderful city.

    “C’mon, baby, I found a great restaurant to go to breakfast at, and then we get to take the train downtown, go explore in a non-deadly way and have fun!” Y/N said and stood up, stretching. “Or, I could go without you and see all the beautiful and historical buildings of Chicago…” She told him in a sly tone, which made Sam jump up quickly. “I mean, the museums, the huge library, the Water Tower… I could see it all myself.” She said and laughed as Sam rushed around to get clothes on.

    Later, once the pair had finally eaten breakfast and gotten downtown, Y/N was practically dragged by Sam around the city. First, through the Art Institute, where he spent most of the time geeking about the amazing pieces they had, from the moment the doors opened at 10:30am til the mid-afternoon.

    “Baby, look! They’ve got real Van Gogh’s- look it’s a Picasso! Wow!” Sam said, practically running around the building like a little kid. Y/N followed happily, enjoying everything just as much as him. Not only was the art amazing and beautiful, but the architecture and history behind it was equally stunning.

    Next, they traveled around the whole of Millennium Park and Maggie Daley, mostly for the photos. Y/N wanted to hold onto the memories they were making as much as possible, hoping she would never have to let go of them. She wanted to frame and put some of them in their room in the Bunker, and a few to keep in their wallets.

    Then they traveled up the Red line to the Magnificent Mile, Water Tower Place, and to see the actual Water Tower. They shopped around quite a bit, spending hours going in and out of shops. Y/N wanted to make sure she got gifts for Dean and their friends, so they wouldn’t be left out of her and Sam’s little adventure. Snow globes, books, clothes, etc. everything she thought they would want, who knew the next time they would ever make it back.

    It was a busy day for them, but it wasn’t even close to being over. Y/N planned for them to go on an Architecture boat tour, then out for dinner, and lastly, a walk down the beach. But, as the story of their lives, things never went as they planned. First, the boat tour was cancelled due to bad weather. Next, the restaurant she had set reservations for got their days mixed up and didn’t have a table for them. Lastly, just as they got to the beach, it began to pour.

    Running to hide underneath a nearby pavilion, Y/N began to think about what a terrible evening their night had become. Everything she had tried to do to make the end of their trip perfect for Sam was ruined. Just as she began to tear up, ready to apologize and head back to the hotel, Sam laughed.

    “Why are you laughing? Our evening’s been ruined.” She told him, confused at the smile on his face.

    “This is great! C’mon!” Sam exclaimed, taking her purse of her shoulder and setting it on the table. He took of his shoes, socks and jacket before running out onto the wet sandy, jumping and laughing in the rain. Y/N smiled and watched as he went, quickly taking her own shoes and socks before running out onto the beach to Sam. “I know our evening hasn’t gone as you planned, but this day has been perfect, and I think a little dance in the rain is the best way to end it.” He told her as he pulled her close, one hand resting on her waist, the other slipping into her hand.

    “We haven’t even had dinner, and wherever we go we’ll be soaking wet.” Y/N told him as they swayed, a smile gracing her face. “I wanted to make the last memory here to be perfect, this isn’t even close to it.”

    “This is perfect, it’s absolutely wonderful. A dance in the rain, on the beach of Lake Michigan? I think it’s wonderful. This has been the best vacation I’ve ever had, mostly because I’m with you, the woman I love.” Sam told her, kissing her forehead as they moved.

    “Y’know, Winchester, it’s hard to kiss you when your hair is plastered to your lips, maybe we should cut it.” Y/N teased as she pushed it away from his face, letting her lips fall against his. Just before anything really started happening, a loud clap of thunder broke the two apart. “Let’s get inside somewhere, presumably with food.” She said and ran back under the pavilion.

    After having dinner at a wonderful local diner, where Sam actually splurged and ate a burger, they went and had dessert at a shop that had cupcakes that could be bought from an ATM, yes, a real Cupcake ATM, and finally the pair went back to their hotel room. Dressed in pajamas and ready for great sleep, Sam pulled Y/N close, kissing her deeply.

    “Mmh, what was that for?” She asked him, leaning in to kiss him again.

    “You’re just amazing, absolutely amazing.” Sam told her with a smile. He continued to kiss her, but in the back of his mind, he thought about that little black box hidden in his sock drawer, and he thought it was time he put it to use.