#we weren’t the main character btw

[starcrossedandstupid]

@mystical-cinnamoon !!!

anti rpf people are so funny they're always like "how would you feel if people shipped you with your friend" i don't know how to break it to you but if i was famous and no one was writing fanfiction about me i would be devastated. i wouldn't feel like i made it until i could search my name on ao3 and find 10k+ explicit results. peace and love though

[calmlb]

It’s been clear that the Tanizakis aren’t siblings from the very beginning

here’s some evidence now that it’s been confirmed canon…

everyone who’s read irl Tanizaki’s book knew that Junichiro & Naomi weren’t siblings as soon as they introduced themselves

BUT just because the Tanizakis aren’t siblings doesn’t mean you can’t feel uncomfortable about them. if you feel uncomfortable, GOOD. that’s exactly what they want

the Tanizakis, Mori— they all use these disturbing ruses to disarm or distract people in order to protect themselves, or to accomplish their goals. this is a writing device that asagiri commonly employs as a way to parallel the irl literature (it’s actually ingenious)

there are 4 main indicators that have always made it clear to me that Junichiro & Naomi are not siblings:

1. most obviously— their character designs. Harukawa is extremely intentional with character designs, & she very intentionally made Naomi & Junichiro look nothing alike

their eye shapes are purposely different

their color palettes are contrasting

even their differing styles of clothing have meaning

this was all done so that the audience could PLAINLY see that they’re not related— so that WE know that they’re lying when they say they ARE related

2. how the people around them respond to their act.

the general reaction is “don’t question it”— which is exactly what they want. “be distracted by how uncomfortable you feel so that you look away from what we’re hiding” (this is likely a protective measure)

3. most importantly, this is meant to parallel irl Tanizaki’s book “Naomi,” where the main character Joji picks up Naomi to raise her into his ideal woman, but since she's so young (& a minor) they call each other cousins (Joji makes no sexual advances on young Naomi btw)

however, his plan backfires because when Naomi gets older & they get married, she flips the script on him & manipulates HIM so that he's under her thumb (which is why bsd Tanizaki is at a domineering Naomi's mercy). Joji let her have her way because of his masochistic tendencies

4. lastly is the emphasis that Asagiri and the Tanizakis themselves put on calling each other siblings.

over & over, it’s “my brother this” & “my sister that”

like they’re desperately trying to convince us that it’s true (“don’t let your lying eyes deceive you”)

here are just a few of many examples from the light novels…

again, if you’ve read “Naomi” you knew that Junichiro & Naomi weren’t siblings as soon as they introduced themselves

just like if you’ve read irl Mori’s works, it’s clear that bsd Mori isn’t a pedophile

just like if you’ve read No Longer Human you know that Dazai’s an unreliable narrator. he makes you think he’s a bad person bc he believes he’s a bad person, but those around him see him differently (btw this doesn’t mean he’s never done anything “bad,” though bsd isn’t about morality— but that’s another discussion)

anyway, i’m so excited for the Tanizakis backstory to be revealed so that we can better understand why they use this defense!!

also let this be a reminder to READ THE LITERATURE if you’re able to!! even reading synopses & analyses of the coordinating books makes bsd make much more sense 🥹

reminder that this how you’re supposed to react while reading bsd:

also, if you’re interested in a post explaining how Mori isn’t a pedo, i wrote this analysis on twt. OR you can read this document that one of my moots sent me (remember: analyzing a character does NOT mean you condone any actions they may or may not commit!)

[pyrobot1cs]

just got out of the shower thinking about how some of the best written female characters I’ve seen that weren’t from media catering to girls are from Homestuck

Like. Homestuck is a fairly female-led story, like yeah the two leaders for each of the main sessions were TECHNICALLY boys, but Vriska was really the one moving the story along for the trolls and Egbert doesn’t even count that much as a boy anymore (I loev June). Rose and Jade for example are two REALLY WELL WRITTEN characters (and they should have talked more) , and when you read about them, you CARE about them. Pretty much all of the troll girls are great as well, Aradia, Vriska, Kanaya, and Terezi (and if we get into dancestors, Meenah, somewhat Damara, and Aranea) are all HUGE driving forces for the plot and,, for most of the boys- well June herself puts it better than I could have

When we get into the Alpha kids though it gets a little blurred, Jane and Roxy are both amazing characters but Jake and Dirk seemed like way more of the focus characters, probably mostly in the fandom but I think Jane and Roxy’s characters kind of suffer in-canon as well, also since a lot of both of their characters revolve around being boycrazy about their respective crush and it sucks!! ALSO!!! CALLIOPE IS GREAT I LOVE HER BUT I NEED TO THINK OF MORE ISSUES WITH HER

THE FANDOM ALSO SUCKS ON HOW IT TREATS WOMEN CHARACTERS TOO BTW like that’s where the worst of it is really, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen fanart of just Jane on her own and not in a ship or in a lineup

sighhhghghhghh thank you for listening to ramblings im just talking talking blah blah

[romana-after-dark]

Rooms on Fire: I Will Run To You

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna learns more about her role and the dynamics of the household.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence.

Extra warnings for chapter: Mentions of medical malpractice, death in childbirth, mentions of male sexual assault via power dynamics, lots of complex feelings.

A/n: next chapter things ramp up.

3.1k words

A/N I gotta apologize y'all. this was meant to include so much more but I guess this chapter is getting split bc I just put so much Jonah lore. I hope y'all are formal about liking him. We finally get some backstory on the uprising, Tom, and Madonna's dad, who BTW, had a name change. JACK IS NOW MARCUS more info after the story!

Support writers! Reblog and leave comments!

One so young, so changed Should not be left alone Two in love should confess And not be left alone And I will run to you Down whatever road you choose Yes, I will follow you down I will run to you ~I Will Run to You, Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty

“You paint a lot of fire”

Jonah’s voice startled you, making you turn around but you relax when you see it’s just him. Reyansh was watching you outside your studio, and Jonah coming meant you must be summoned somewhere. 

You were painting a picture of a burning house, something you saw in a dream last night. Ben and Will treated you normally, fucking you but also spending time together. You supposed Francisco’s behavior was normal too, considering that he continued to treat you like you only existed to fuck when he had to fullfill his duty. He never touched you alone. In the week since you got your period Santi was ignoring you. He’d call you to his room, fuck you with your face pressed into the mattress, and then toss you out. Last night he shoved you into the hall with your dress still bundled up in your arms.

“I paint what I dream.” You mumble, tired and not totally there. You were terrified to sleep, and after a second visit from the succubus it was getting worse, forcing yourself to stay up later and later. Lack of sleep was making it difficult to be alert, and little noises make you jump.

Jonah approached where you stood, keeping a respectful distance. He’d been distant as well since the night you saw him, and you still were unsure what you did wrong and why Iris was so upset with you.

“You dream of houses burning?” His voice was gentle but curious.

You take a deep breath, too tired to fight off any questioning. It’s best not to lie, anyway. “Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of fire. I dreamed I was dancing in front of it. I dreamed I caused it, and it was out of my control and now I must dance in the smoke and watch as the flames consumed things that I loved.” A pause, tears beginning to burn behind your eyes. “Sometimes, he stood inside them.”

“He?”

“My father.”

Jonah drew in a sharp breath and you worried he thought you were sympathetic to his traitorous cause. You weren’t, you had remembered how betrayed you’d felt that he’d thrown everything away to follow Deacon Davis, the judas who had killed the Divine Mother. As per tradition, when someone is sentenced to death, they burn at the stake and the unmarried women are expected to dance. The closer you are to the individual, the closer you are to the fire. You had been Marcus’s only family, him and your mom having adopted you as an infant. He died in front of you as you danced, embers blowing in the wind and singeing your white dress and sensitive skin. You were only 12, but you knew right from wrong, and your father was wrong. Sometimes you woke up still smelling his burning corpse. You had danced longer than anyone, keeping all the energy your child body could give you until you passed out.

You turn to Jonah with tears in your eyes, “I hold no mercy in my heart for him, please know that. I am loyal to the Divine Mother, I am loyal to my husbands above all else! I don’t know why I didn’t get pregnant but know I’d die for them happily should it came to that!” Crying now, you desperately plead to him but it’s not Jonah you are speaking to, truely. You know Pope is questioning you right now, and you cannot bear the thought that he doubts you.

“Honey” Jonah’s voice is strained, pain anguishing him. “How much do you know about the uprising…”

Your face is wet with tears, almost shaking in fear and frustration. You didn’t know how you’d messed this up so badly so soon. You just wanted to be held, you don’t remember the last time you’d been held without sexual desire… it was probably your father, may he be damned.

“Deacon Davis… he was an advisor to the Divine Mother, a friend to my husbands… he and Deliliah conspired against the Divine Mother and her family. Dad- um, Marcus, was a part of the traitors and he allowed Deacon Davis into Divine Mother’s quarters where he murdered her. Deliliah was Will’s betrothed before. She had seduced him for information and, and betrayed her husband! I would never do that, Jonah!” You realize now why he was questioning you, he thought a traitorous blood ran in your veins. Had Pope sent him? Had Francisco seen the evil in your heart, the evil that was inviting a demon?? Or had Jonah simply seen you for what you were. “I would rather die than betray them! You have to believe me!” You sob, closing your eyes as you are no longer able to look into his in shame. Strong arms wrap around you, practically holding your body up. 

Jonah held you tightly and you cried into his shirt, so tired, so sleepy… You just wanted to feel peace again. Jonah allowed you your release, wetting his shirt with your tears until your breathing slowed. It occurred to you that you were hugging and being held by a man who was not your husband, so you take a step back looking down.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I haven't slept well-”

“It’s okay, honey.” His voice gently reassures you. “It’s okay to cry sometimes.”

You shake your head. “No… no I’m happy, I should be happy here, happy with my husbands, I am!” You’d shown weakness, surely Jonah would tell Pope that you were unhappy, that this was proof of your doubt, of unworthiness… Instead, Jonah pulled a sleeve down on his hand, stepping up to you once more. He ran the sleeve carefully under your eyes wiping the tears.

“There is nothing wrong with feeling what you feel. Your husbands are blessed with a kind, beautiful, artistic wife and they should be so lucky you sit at their table, nonetheless someone who cooks them dinners and paint them pictures. It is they who are unworthy, not you.”

You gasp at the blasphemy. “Jonah! No, no they are-”

“Gods, I know.” He wipes snot from your running nose. “But you… you’re like a daughter to me, and a father is allowed to place his children above Gods. Marcus may not… he may not have made the right choices, but he wanted nothing but good for you, just like I do. So please, for me, show him and yourself a little grace.”

With a little sniffle, you nod. “Thank you, Jonah.”

He gave you a smile, the bright one you like that made his eyes squint. “Good girl. Now, I got a surprise for you that I think will brighten your day.”

*

Jonah watched as you practically skipped down the hallway. When he told you Frankie wanted to take you out for a picnic, you perked up so fast it was like you hadn’t even been sobbing in his arms a moment ago. He wished he could be honest with you, he wished he could tell you the truth about Tom, Delilah, and most importantly, Marcus… but you were so brainwashed, there was no way for him to break through to you. He couldn’t simple tell you everything you’d know and believed whole heartedly, your religion, your life, the very thing that you chose above your father was a lie… not yet anyway. Maybe one day you’d doubt, you’d question, and the first people you’d go to would be Iris or him, maybe even Reyansh. Rey played the part well of a good soldier boy, he wasn’t as overt as Iris was but he knew you trusted him.

Despite being late already with the crying, you insisted on stoping in your room to grab a ribbon for your heart. Jonah’s heart hurt watching you put so much effort into this.

Will treated you well. Despite Jonah and Will’s… past, he couldn’t deny Will  was a good husband. He took care of you.

Ben was a little shithead and was absolutely going behind your back with women still he just couldn’t figure out who. Ben had to be more sneaky now. This didn’t stop him from very loud late night fucks with Frankie that it seemed only you and Santi weren’t aware of. Still, he gave you affection and spent time outside of sex with you.

Santiago, he expected nothing less. Santiago’s moods were unpredictable, they had been ever since he was a child. Jonah had known Santiago and Beatriz since he was young, when all this was fairly new and traction was growing more and more. Jonah didn’t exactly believe, but his wife Jess did. Maybe he did for a while, it was hard to not with the things he saw… Beatriz had taken an interest in him and thus, despite being married, he spent a lot of time at the mansion with her. Jonah felt like a hooker, like his body was a commodity and up for grabs from anyone, and the worst part was how okay Jessica was with it. She fucking encouraged it. “Its an honor!” It wasn’t such an honor when she died giving birth to Iris and was denied medical treatment. Doctor said it wouldn’t have helped. Jonah knew Beatriz had something to do with it. He was luck Irish lived. She was his only reason for living sometimes.

It was Frank he was surprised about. Jonah had known all four men for most of the 3 decades of their life, and next to Santi, he knew Frank the longest. Frankie was raised with Santiago, practically as brother. Beatriz couldn’t adopt him, because something something divine blood, but that didn’t matter when Santi pissed her off enough. Jonah had witnessed the lashings and beatings he had taken, but what seemed to hurt the teen the most was when Beatriz would hang his godhood over his head, saying that it should be Frankie who was the savior, not him. After Jess’s death, Jonah was moved into the mansion and promoted to captain of the guard. It was just an excuse for Beatriz to demand sex even more.

Frankie was a good kid, but he always followed Santi like a lost puppy. Santi became obsessed with Frankie, forcing Frankie to become more and more withdrawn. Still, the nice young man was in there somewhere, and Jonah would bring it out. After the girl came to his room crying about Frankie not loving her, Jonah spoke to him and said he needed to do better by her hence the picnic.

Rey was out at the stables by the time Jonah got there, preparing the three horses. He was there a lot, knowing a lot about horses. If he has any choice, Jonah was certain he’d have been a vet. Another life, he supposed. Jonah and Rey would accompany them since they were going out a ways.

“Hello, Francisco.” She spoke softly, but enthusiastic. For all he and Santi hurt her, she loved him.

Frank gave a small smile. “Hi, Madonna. I thought maybe we could take a picnic. Get away from… everything else.” He brushed the mane of the horse.

Everyone else, Jonah thought.

“That sounds wonderful!” You walk over to him. “What’s his name?”

“This is Cielo. And those two,” He points to the other horses being settled. “Are Estrella and Flora.”

“Will we be riding Cielo?” You ask, but Frank turns away.

“I’ll be riding alone.”

You look dejected again, so Jonah steps up, frustrated with Frankie. “C’mon, you can ride with me.” Jonah puts a put in a stirrup, launching a leg over the saddle and onto Flora, his favorite horse.

“Actually” Frankie interjects. “I think she should ride with Rey.”

Of course. 10 years later and everyone was still suspicious of him. Frankie climbed onto Cielo, and Jonah rode up to him, whispering. “Compliment her ribbon. She picked green just for you.”

*

Reyansh pulled you up and onto the saddle, allowing you to ride the side saddle to protect your modesty in the dress. If you knew you’d be riding a horse, you’d have worn pants. It wasn’t the most comfortable, and you feared falling, but Reynash’s arm was strong around you. He was careful to keep his hands at appropriate places, which you were thankful for. 

“How is your painting going?” He asks, as since Jonah leads the group and Francisco is in the middle still not keen on talking to you. Still, this was a step forward.

“It’s good, thank you. It’s nice and peaceful. I miss-” You stop yourself. What you missed was when Santi used to sit and watch you paint, drinking his wine and intent eyes on you. It had been a comfortable silence. “I do miss having company sometimes…” You missed your husband, you missed his laugh, his smile, his praise.

“Hey, I’d love to sit in on a session!” You could tell by the tone of his voice he was smiling. “I’d love to see a real artist at work!”

You laugh just a bit, “I’m not an artist, but if you’d like to watch, I'd like that.”

“Deal.”

*

You sat against a tree, legs bent modestly in your skirt and eating the sandwich Iris packed. She also packed apple juice, which you loved.

Francisco was silent. He’d thanked you for your help setting up the blanket and spoken as he served his food, but now he simply sat there. He looked sad, but even then he was handsome. Francosco sported a mustache, which had remained consistent the whole time you’d known him. Santiago was growing out his hair and beard, which was making your heart ache even more that you couldn’t kiss and touch him like you wanted to. Still, the silence wasn’t awkward. You had begun to wonder if he was just… quiet.

“Thank you for taking me out.” You say, speaking quietly. Jonah and Reynash were circling the parameter and you felt… watched. “I hadn’t realized how much time I spent inside until now.” Had you even left the house at all since your wedding? When was the last time you felt sunshine before today?

To your delight, while still looking down, he smiled. “I’m glad. Don’t like seeing you cooped up in that house all day.”

Your heart warmed at his concern for you. Feeling emboldened, you scooch close to him.

“It’s not cooped up with the men I love.”

This makes his eyes flick up to you. He narrows them suspiciously, but not angry “You… love… me?”

Your heart nearly shatters at the question, and you can’t help but find him so endearing. “But of course I do!!!” Careful, you place a hand on his face and feel the patchy bit of stubble. “You’re my beloved husband!”

“But… you had to marry me.”

You shake your head. “No, Francisco I chose you, I chose all of you and I love all of you. Is that why you’ve been distant? Is that why you’ve been so cold to me?”

“I-” He stutters over his words. “I don’t think this is good for you… I don’t think I’m good for you…”

If there were ever words you hadn’t expected from him, it wasn’t that. Francisco was a God, he was holy, good and righteous, how could he not be good for you. It didn’t matter. Clearly he was hurting, and as his wife, it was your duty to make him happy again. “Francisco Morales, you are my husband, you are the foster child of the Divine Mother, and the love of my life. I chose you before, I choose you now, and I will choose you in heaven, Divine Mother willing.” You bring your face closer to his. “I adore you, in all your God and human.” Feeling brave, you bring your mouth to him and tenderly take his pouty lower lip into your mouth, making him whimper. You liked that sound.

“You choose me?” He whispers, slowly kissing back. “Out in the open, no secrets?” His voice is slightly higher now, almost whining as he begins to chase your mouth. 

“Always” The desperation growing, you give him everything you have. You don’t care that it’s an open field surrounded by trees, you don’t care that Reyansh and Jonah could ride up at any point, and you don’t care who might see you. You were divine and if you wanted to make love to the god of nature in his own fucking land you will. You had Francisco Morales, demi-God, whimpering for your touch. You had HIM, finally had him and you weren’t going to waste it for one second. He wanted thing sout in the open, you would show him you weren’t ashamed to be seen getting filled by his seed. Before you, your husbands were not celibant, that much was known. The sex parties were stuff of rumors and you couldn’t decipher the truth from fact. However, it was clear that public sex was not off the table. Shame is a punishment for the sins of Adam and Eve, and for men born without original sin, there was no shame in sex. “I choose you, always.”

Frankie entangles his fingers into your hair, feeling the green tie in your locks. His other hand slides up to cup your breast.

“I love this ribbon, it suits you.”

*

“Whatcha think’n, old man.” Rey asks as he rides up to Jonah. Both are perched up on top of a hill overlooking the field you lay on and he watches you kiss Frankie. 

“I’m thinking,” Jonah turns to Rey, nodding his head back home. “That I got it here, and since the others are out, you should run back and try and sneak some time with Iris.”

Rey smiled at that, but hesitated. “You sure? Morales didn’t seem like he wanted her with either of you.” 

Jonah rolled his eyes, but it was good natured nonetheless. He liked Reynash, loved him even. He was a good kid. Iris was put in the position she was in, not any older than the girl was now, because of his shortcomings, his weaknesses. She was punished to punish him. She deserved all the good she could get, and Reyansh Saha was about the only bit off good left in this world, beside Iris and now Marcus’s kid he was looking after. He reminded Jonah of Delilah in a lot of ways. Always smiling. Always kind.

“Look at ‘em.” Jonah referenced the pair kissing below. “She’s going home on his lap.”

Rey laughed brightly, turning his horse. “Oh yeah, you’re quite the matchmaker!” And he road off, long dark hair wild behind him. Handsome devil.

The words matchmaker hung in the air. Was Jonah giving her false hope he wondered? Or was he giving her the time she had left and filling it with better memories. He wasn’t sure. Maybe he was delaying the inevitable. It was always going to end one way for her. There was no way to live up to what Santiago wanted.

Because what Santiago wanted was Frankie with a womb.

SO MUCH JONAH HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

And poor madonna bc Jonah christ smelling your dad burn is a lot

So Marcus's face claim is David Habour, this came out of some chats with. @umnitsa in my romanaverse discord server. He is now your adopted father to keep things inclusive, but this is important as he has background info and ties in a lot. Think hopper in stranger things. Also May is already shipping him and Jonah so that ship name is Jonus lmfaooooo

If you are an active participant in one or more of my universes and have a discord (this means commenting or comment Reblogging, im looking for people who want to theorize and chit chat) dm me for a link! This is primarily focused on giving you extra content and sneak peaks but a lot of cool people are there too and you can share your work!

Please consider joining me in in donating to humanitarian aid in Rafah through Doctors Without Borders

LOVE YOU ALL!

How to keep up with the story!

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[bigmakxp]

Monty isn’t jealous, envious or wants to take Freddy’s place nor does he hate him either.

Spoilers for Ruin btw!!

So the popular theory right now that everyone’s claiming to be canon is that Monty was jealous of Bonnie and Freddy and decommissioned Bonnie to be in the band and makes his way up in the band and take Freddy’s place as well. The most popular reason for this theory is because of the Monty Golf ARcade game that shows Monty as the lead while Freddy’s in the trash. At first glance, I can see why people fall for this and think Monty wants Freddy’s place in the band but there’s some evidence that suggests otherwise.

1. The faz watch message Monty mischief makes it clear that Monty has missed main stage performances more than once to stay in Monty Golf, The place where he was once just a one man band in his own attraction (info thanks to ruin). If people are claiming that he was the one who decommissioned Bonnie out of spite or malice or fame why would he bail on his position that he went to such “great lengths” to get? Like I’m genuinely curious how it fits.

2. People never talk about this. Just moments before in the game we heard Vanessa threatening to scrap Freddy if he was involved protecting Gregory and Monty would run the shows. Now I know she said that his casing would be slapped on a new endo and it would be a temporary thing but his endo, Freddy’s true essence and person (or robot) would be scrapped thrown in the trash. Sound familiar? A certain AR game depicting just that? Nope not a clue.. /s

3. So your not convinced still? Fine. One of the endings of security breach has Gregory and Freddy driving off in a van and just who did they put in Freddy’s position as the lead? Yup. Monty. And they created an entirely new animatronic as a 4th member, glamrock mr. hippo. The decisions of fazbear entertainment is… questionable. But this proves that game is not Monty’s true intentions or desires it’s more of the company’s desires if anything. He might just be pushed into situations that he has little control over.

So in Ruin, in the Monty golf ride there’s a scene of cardboard cutouts of Bonnie, chica, Roxanne and Freddy, the original four glamrocks while Monty is looking in admiration and starry eyes. However, Freddy’s is in the shadows so people assume that Monty definitely dislikes Freddy. I think people are reading to into this though as this could have another meaning too. Call this a bit on the nose here but hear me out.

Freddy is the only one who is not present in the pizzaplex or the entirety of the ruin story. Or at least his proper head isn’t and there’s a headless prototype attacking you. Point is every cutout that has lights on them is still in the pizzaplex activated or deactivated and that includes Bonnie.

It’s just astounding that people draw these conclusions about Monty based on sources that probably weren’t even made by him or might not reflect his personality and claim it as canon. The information that we get in ruin still makes most of Monty’s character vague and non-confirming. As much as I try to accept the theories that Monty really does envy Freddy and decommissioned Bonnie on purpose I just can’t. Cause a lot of the contrasting evidence sticks out like a sore thumb.

I’d like some feedback on this whether you agree or disagree I’d like to hear different pov and interpretations on this.

[eldesperadont]

hello and welcome to the start of my rough Despe/Hiromu recap essay! I'll go over their history in relation to one another. A big reason for this recap is to explain my fascination with the 10+ year long history of these characters, and why I, a queer person, is so drawn to it — this post will include links, spoilers and cover the first 9 years of their careers. If you have corrections or additional infos pls DM me!!

egg, (2010-2012)

Hiromu Takahashi and El Desperado started their pro wrestling training around the same time in NJPWs dojo – both passing NJPW's entry exam in 2009 and training for roughly a year till they officially debuted in 2010.

Desperado in March under his real name, Mikami Kyōsuke, and Hiromu later in August. And here we already have some key moments:

Takahashi's professional debut was a singles match against Mikami. (its on YouTube btw)

Despe's first ever singles victory was defeating Hiromu in said debut match.

Mikami is older and ahead of Takahashi, going on to have an impressive winning record over Hiromu, who only managed to get a sole victory over Despe during their time together as students. (two if you count in a dark match)

Hiromu genuinely struggled a lot as a Young Lion (dojo trainee), having been close to giving up on wrestling if it weren’t for main roster wrestler Tetsuya Naito, who took him under his wing.

So yeah starting off Despe had the upper hand.

This part of their career is the hardest to research given that 1.) the language barrier was way higher a decade ago, 2.) there straight up is barely any footage. So instead, I want to explain the emotional importance of the NJPW dojo background:

The time as Young Lions in NJPW is kayfabe canon. These guys are rivals but also teammates, live and train together, fight with/and each other, cheer each other on in their bouts with the seniors, carry each other to the back when they once again got beaten – these guys are close, they have to, it's them against the world.

And that is the case for pretty much all the homegrown NJPW talent. This system provides feuds with an emotional core; why would someone who was that close be so cruel to each other now? What turns brothers, best friends, partners into enemies? So much room for juicy rivalries with a real weight behind it, after all we watched these guys grow and learn, saw their highs and lows.

Also on a less serious note it's simply amusing to watch old stuff and see two guys that will be bitter rivals, who’s matches will get praise and awards - tag together in mostly fruitless efforts, stumble behind the curtain together and be so clueless about all the greatness they’ll achieve one day thanks to each others hard work.

Young Lions my beloved <3

oceans apart, (2012-2016)

As is custom with most Young Lions both went on excursion: Mikami graduating first, in 2012, and working in Mexico for a year as "Namajague" - Hiromu leaving Japan the year Desperado debuts on the New Japan main roster, in 2014, touring in Mexico and the US as "Kamaitachi" till August 2016.

Both worked in CMLL as heels, as is custom for foreign trainees, starting as masked wrestlers, loosing them in a stipulation match, and also getting their hair shaved at some point.

Here you have unmasked Namajague, who went on to rock a half facepaint look and had half of his hair bleached (in 2014, a trendsetter)

and here you got a young unmasked Kamaitachi (yes he was in a team with Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian in RoH)

These are the years Mikami and Hiromu don’t interact in canon, but in an 2020 interview Desperado confessed that he kept an eye on Takahashi during the latter's excursion, cause of his success in Middle/North America and spectacular matches with Dragon Lee.

Love confessions, (May - June 2018)

Their rivalry was fully rekindled in the “Best of the Super Juniors 25” tournament, so let’s set the scene:

Takahashi’s successful: having won the most important championship for their weight division in his first year on the main roster. He’s beloved by fans and critics and a valuable member of his mentor's faction, Los Ingobernables de Japon.

El Desperado is struggling: unsuccessfully having fought for singles titles several times in the last couple of years. His only championship victories so far having been in the tag division, after joining Suzuki-gun, a shady group that tolerates him, but not without hurdles. The masked man debuted in 2013 as a cheerful honourable guy, but by now he was just a bitter, sinister bastard.

They will have their first singles meeting in 6 years, and their first on the main roster.

They are winking and nodding towards the fact that Desperado already has several wins over the younger guy, but do not address who Despy really is - officially Mikami Kyōsuke hasn’t wrestled in New Japan ever since he left for Mexico.

Leading up to the BOSJ Hiromu made a booklet in which he describes all of his possible opponents, Desperado's page is kept blank at first, but later Takahashi adds “I know who you are, and I hate you.”

Despy wants to impress Hiromu. He was one half of the IWGP Jr. Tag champs at that point and took both belts with him to the ring - he's also wearing a special mask, that is mostly white, a colour Japanese wrestlers tend to only wear on special occasions/in big matches.

A lot has changed since they last fought 1 on 1 - except one thing: Hiromu cannot beat Desperado.

Both didn’t shy away from using dirty tricks, but in the end Despy has the upper hand once more. As his opponent lays defeated in the ring the masked menace has this to say:

(postmatch promo) (the match)

Hiromu will go on to win the tournament and IWGP Jr. Heavyweight belt from Will Ospreay at the 2018 Dominion show, but the loss to his fellow former Young Lion means that the latter has the right to challenge him, and so he does, in this now infamous promo.

please watch the whole thing: link

(funfact, this happened the same night Kenny won the IWGP Heavyweight Title with Ibushi in his corner, the gays were EATING that day, in pride month no less)

Leading up to their confrontation Hiromu would post a video on his twitter playing the 'love me/not' flower game, landing on "he loves me" - which promptly makes him eat the flower in frustration

On the day of their match, June 18 2018, he brings Desperado a present:

A bouquet in a guitar case, a cruel call back to Desperados main roster debut back in early 2014: after Kota Ibushi won the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight belt at Wrestle Kingdom 8 a masked stranger approached the ring with a guitar case, revealing it to carry a bouquet of black roses for the freshly crowned champ (who was a lil confused by the whole situation)

It was the start of Despes unsuccessful run as a face and partnership with Ibushi (which you can read as the first man he tried to pursue).

The masked lad wasn't that fond of Hiromu bringing back old memories.

Their match is an all out war, both using underhanded tactics to keep the other one down, including Hiromu unmasking Despy, who shockingly doesn’t care at all - which is a huge deal, I'm going to quote Japanese NJPW commentator Milano here because he said it best:

“To a masked wrestler that’s your identity. It’s everything. But Desperado has it ripped off and then just puts it on like he was fixing his necktie. He was saying that this very essence of himself wasn’t as important as Hiromu or the belt." (translation by Chris Charlton)

But in the end Hiromu is victorious, finally ending his losing streak. After the match he has some interesting things to say:

(postmatch promo) (the match)

Life’s a b*tch. (mid 2018 - late 2019)

Hiromu's next title defence is in August 2018 in the USA against Dragon Lee, a match I still haven't been able to watch and probably never will. Due to a messed up move from his opponent, Hiromu lands hard on his neck, breaking it in the process. He somehow managed to finish the match but collapsed backstage, immediately being rushed to a hospital.

In the documentary RED HEADED REVIVAL Hiromu shared that he knew right away that something was wrong – he saw his life flash before his eyes and feared that this is the end of his career, but he decided against stopping the fight:

It took Hiromu over a year to fully recover.

That wasn't the only unfortunate incident though: in spring of 2019 Desperado broke his jaw in a deathmatch against his idol Jun Kasai. The timing couldn't have been worse: the highly anticipated BOSJ Tournament for that year being just about to start. Despe had to withdraw mere days before its opening.

Neither of them would make a return till late 2019. And their next actual confrontation wouldn’t be till 2020.

It was a sad time to be a fan of either - with Hiromu we didn't know till his return if he will even be able to wrestle again. And with Despy we had to witness fans being unnecessarily rude to him, ridiculing him about doing a deathmatch in the first place, eventho the injury could have occurred in any type of match. (if I remember correctly, Desperado even deleted his twitter due to the fan backlash)

BUT I'm gonna end this post on a good note:

1.) Despy's return marked the start of a new era for him:

He wasn't gonna apologise, he broke his jaw, so what? Shit happens. He wasn't going to pretend that the situation didn't happen either tho, hell - Despe returned in a shirt covered in blood spots, making direct references to the match he got injured in. (sth he talked about in this video) And his mask? Dons a fractured jawbone now, the cracks filled in with gold - reminiscent of kintsugi, a Japanese method for repairing broken ceramics with a special lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. The philosophy behind the technique is to recognize the history of the object and to visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece instead of disguising it.

2.) Hiromu wasn't giving up on his way of life either, making a spectacular return - the best was yet to come. Individually and together/against each other.

Stay tuned for the next part, that will absolutely also take me ages to finally put out, I'm apologising in advance,, anyways thx bye!! <3 👹🐱

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Why do you insist on infantilizating the characters who were victims of Tommy, who have clearly forgiven and embraced him? Do you think you know better than them? You act as though every Tommy fan is a damn nazi while ignoring the actual POV of the characters of color affected by his actions.

Btw there are absolutely context clues given in the early eps that Tommy could be queer.

Stop acting like you speak for anyone but yourself. There have been a lot of posts by black, queer men, that are pro-Tevan that you seem happy to ignore. If you think Tommy is a racist, unforgivable character, fine. But you can't stop acting like you somehow staked a claim to some moral high ground here when the reality is you wouldn't care at all if he didn't threaten your ship.

oh look guys i pissed them off again by calling them out on their bullshit :) it’s been a while i was wondering when you’d show your (anonymous bc you know people would call you on your shit if you weren’t) faces here

i have never called you people “nazi’s” and think it’s vile that you view being called out on the constant defense of this blatantly racist character as an equivalent to being called a nazi

it’s disgusting behavior to say “oh you think im a nazi if you disagree with me” when you’re being called out and i cannot believe you had the absolute gall to say something like that on my blog

you are not a victim. this is the victim mentality i was talking about.

you say im only threatening by him bc he “threatens my ship” meanwhile the show has not treated him as a serious LI, and has actually taken more time to ignore him/parallel him to buck’s previous failed LI’s than setting him up as a serious contender for edngame w buck. you’re the ones (rightfully) threatened by eddie because he actually had plot armor and has a character that’s not a bunch of stolen headcanons that you’ve all placed on him

you guys love to call it infantilizing poc characters when we, yknow, fairly call out negative behavior but then you get so upset when people make valid criticisms of his character because you know his personality and character have no actual stability within the plot because he has not been developed beyond being racist and being gay

it’s funny that you ignore hen’s standoffish at best attitude towards him simply because you know that if hen was blatantly against him, you would have no leg to stand on because they’re never going to treat him as more important than hen

idk how what “context clues” you’re talking about in early eps regarding tommy being gay, but even if there were, that doesn’t excuse his actions. there has been no narrative development past his early episodes portrayal aside from them slapping a rainbow on him so they had someone to get buck out of the closet

i can direct you to countless people who agree with me on this, so i am not speaking for myself unlike most tommy cultists bc you all just woul rather take lukewarm queer rep when it’s a white racist man than the potentially groundbreaking queer story that can be told

sorry but that doesn’t give me positive vibes

you people love to bash main poc characters for their flaws and storylines when they actually take the time to tell these stories and provide context, yet when tommy is racist and misogynistic to hen and chimney, you all suddenly find it fine to forgive him the moment he kissed buck

i don’t claim to be on some “moral high ground” but you people have no room to claim that either when your fandom are out here spreading nothing but anonymous hate to people who call you out on your bullshit, while you also harrass the cast and crew for not giving your favorite racist a spotlight.

i fear you don’t have any stake to claim on whether or not someone is or isn’t “morally superior”

do me a favor and block me so i don’t have to lose braincells trying to process the bullshit that comes put of your brain while trying to defend a racist man

[jumpinjordan]

Just finished Terror Fest, and this may be the best book PB has released in a very, very long time.

Spoilers below cut (long post for those that read)

Top scars on Zaire were a pleasant surprise. The fact that PB were consistent with their pronoun use when they’ve struggled in the past was great. Zaire got the utmost respect and love throughout.

LI’s that were actual individual people and not cardboard cutouts was a breath of fresh air. They breathed life into the story by having their own characterisation.

I wished we could have had a tangible icon to see our fortitude score. They could have reused the skull from It Lives. I would have liked to have made choices that also determined the friend group fortitude (like ILITW) and that should have determined who died and when.

The ending was a little lacklustre after the final showdown. Once Tyson was dead (the reveal was great btw), we should have had time to reconnect with our remaining friends (or mourn them). A proper epilogue would have been nice (like ILITW)

We should have been able to collect weapons and lore documents (like ILITW) to prepare for the final fight.

The reveal that it was Tyson all along was nasty work. Especially since there was an opportunity to sleep with him before the reveal that he had been in a relationship with our sister. More foreshadowing would have been nice, he should have been a little more manipulative. But overall, it was very real and very human. It just could have been a little more tense. He should have been more easy breezy.

It was a little too easy jumping into a relationship with the LI’s. There should have been some hesitation at least because the MC is their best friend / group leaders kid sister. More fleshing out of the relationships would have been nice, which would have come with a clear and more staggered timeline.

We didn’t get to see much with the detective and the mayor, but there was a lot there and more chapters would have allowed for that to have been fleshed out. The characters didn’t have time to breathe, which there should have been. A filler chapter here and there would have been fine. If PB can make 100 chapters for My Two First Loves, they can add filler into a horror story.

It also would have helped with characterisation. While there was a lot of showing, having a filler chapter where the characters got to be the friend group they kept saying they were and having more moments like the cliff jumping would have helped make me like them more and want to save them more.

I would have liked more backstory on MC and Destiny’s relationship. They clearly weren’t close but a flashback chapter to show more of that and the earlier friendship dynamic would have been nice. Not to bring up ILITW again, but the way they started those chapters with mini flashbacks helped fill out the story. More of that to flesh out the friendship dynamic and start the romance tension would have been nice. There was a reason Destiny made the no dating within the friend group rule and especially pointed out their kid sibling and it wasn’t to just be polite.

Bex was under-utilised. Sure she was definitely going to betray MC and the group but the opportunity to do a little backstabbing should have been offered. Bex’s death should’ve come after she posted an insider story or started to raise further speculation. There wasn’t a lot of investigation going on and there should have been.

The other murders. Why? They happened but they weren’t exactly explained. Did Tyson commit all of them? Who was the copy cat killer? Plot points introduced that didn’t really go anywhere because we had limited chapters and a small cast.

These are just my main points. There are others but these are at the forefront of my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the book. It’s some of the best content PB has released in a very long time and it’s because it doesn’t focus on romance or sex. The LIs are their own and not customisable, which has been one of my biggest problems with PB along with poor writing, cancelling everything and making all their books about sex.

Overall, a good book. Koda is being added to my list of loves.

[ranchycowgirllover]

So we got ourselves a Charlie Re Design

I decided rather than basing her off of a doll like the original I wanted to go for a puppet vibe (this will play into her lore re write). I’ve also given her horns and the little anime neck wings (idk what those are called) to give her a more demonic appearance. Her eye color and nose shape were changed to be more reminiscent of her mother. I’m also making her the tallest out of the main cast to add to her other worldly vibe. I’m also renaming her to Abrahael(shortened to Abbie) rather than Charlotte. Abrahael in demon mythos was said to be Liliths child (tho she will not be a succubis)

Lore + Character Re write

Okay so her whole “Disney Princess in Hell” thing is kinda lame. She’s princess of hell, like you can make her good person who’s naive but give her some bite. Idk out of all the characters in Hazbin she’s the one I find the least interesting. So she’s the one I’m probably going to change the most. In my little re write au she is an Eldridge horror, she still very much has good intentions and wants to help people. But she knows that she’s the princess of hell, she is very aware that should easily kill just about anyone. But this comes with her being quite arrogant and taking risks she shouldn’t (like inviting Alastor into the hotel), she is not a planner so people like Alastor who are would be able to more easily manipulate her.

Alright so her lore- she was puppet built by Lucifer to be a daughter to him and Lilith. She didn’t have a childhood she just simply awoke one day. Her parents weren’t married btw they didn’t exactly get along . I’m thinking about making a comic about this Re Write so that’s all I’ll say

Her parents

And here’s some extra art

(I’m so glad I can finally draw Abbie and Vaggie doing cute couple stuff)

[o0anapher0o]

Miss Lily and character stereotpyes

I’ve been re-reading @halo4life2017-blog's rewatch blogs and the discussion we had about Miss Lily and about how Lestat might at some point tell us he only killed her because she was actually planning on blackmailing Louis or something like that, and I had some more thoughts I need to get out.

The thing about Lily as Louis presents her is, she’s a stereotype. The ‘whore with the heart of gold’ is a common trope. It’s a cliché the same way the though, street-hard, black pimp is, or the rich European genteel who is abhorred by American racism, the stately southern matron who saves face at all cost even if it means waving off a guests outburst with a comment about the weather, the sassy little sister who supports her gay brother and only wants to see him happy, or the religious zealot who is really a gentle angel when he’s not possessed by the holy spirit. All those are sterotypes that Louis uses when he introduces the people in his life to the story, ways he tries to shape the narrative perception of them. Or maybe lies he tells himself about them.

And all of these stereotypes get dismantled within the first episode: Louis is really a sensitive baby gay who likes to read and cries at the opera. Lestat is a terrifying vampire, who we can rightfully assume has never cared about how black people are treated anywhere prior to meeting Louis, and really still doesn’t.  Florence is an emotionally abusive bitch who happily unloads her own grief on her child, Grace is mommy little princess who deserts Louis when he needs her most to side with Florence and Paul is a condescending brat who shamelessly uses his mental illness for the liberties it gives him (we don’t talk about it enough because mental illness is tricky and Paul is a great character, but the way he acts towards Grace’s fiancé and wedding, and how he talks to the priests when he goes to confession are on a level of entitlement that’s breathtaking. And that’s instances when he’s supposedly ‘right in the head’. My favourite is ‘I wasn’t being rude”, like, yes, you were. Just because the voices in your head told you to say it doesn’t mean it’s not rude to say it and the fact that you’re trying to justify it tells me you know that.).

You could probably make a similar case almost all other characters, Bricktop, Tom Anderson, Levi, all of them are initially presented in a very stereotypical way and later we’re shown they are not quite what they seem at first (Fenwick might be the exception here, he’s always a horrible racist pig). Except for Lily. She never gets the chance to be shown as more, because she gets killed off-screen and is never brought up again.

But we do get hints that everything isn’t as Louis presents it with Lestat’s throwaway comment on her wretched life, or the fact that it takes Louis two weeks to even notice she was dead, which tells me they weren’t as close as some people seem to believe. (Yes, he was a regular customer, one she might even have liked but they definitely weren’t friends.). So yeah, I won’t be surprised if we do learn about some nefarious goings on she was involved in. That’s not to make Lestat look better btw, he did kill her and the main reason was no doubt to get a reaction from Louis and/or to dismantle his support system, but I do think there was more to it than that just ‘she was a poor substitute’. And just as a side note: since we tend to treat Louis as an unreliable narrator (justifiably so) if and when the time comes we certainly need to look at Lestat’s story the same way, because I’m pretty sure if anyone is trying to make Lestat look better, it’s going to be Lestat.  

[krbk-notebook]

hey @real-life-cloud @thatsgaybro @lyricalvicki @tempestaurora @sweetietenya @greyladyblue @moumjn

we‘re either mutuals on my main (@pecuirlig), on here, or you follow this blog — and it looks like we all like krbk ! :‘)

first of all, feel free to decline <3

would anyone be interested in making a little krbk discord group or something? :‘)

as a casual fun hangout spot for people of similar ages (i think we‘re all 20+, most early 20s?), for talking about krbk (& maybe other ships/characters/shows etc too), sharing or talking about fics, or art, or whatever we want :‘)

i know i‘ve wanted to have a space like that for years tbh lol, since i haven‘t had the luck to meet anyone irl who‘s also into fandom or specifically krbk, back when tumblr group chats were a thing they weren’t very lively lol, and the krbk discord groups i‘ve checked out so far haven‘t had active members my own age.

i would be super happy if any of you might be interested too ! :‘) but i will continue to suffer alone lmao if you should not <3 (/lighthearted)

(btw— i‘m super open to other people joining this too, so please do feel invited if you are 20+ and you want something like this too ! i just only @'ed these people because there‘s been Some interaction between us already. not having @'ed you doesn‘t mean you‘re not welcome :‘) !)

[prettyoddfever]

Ryan Ross wanted Camisado to be introduced as a dance song

That was literally the point. The same thing goes for Nails for Breakfast. Ryan absolutely wanted those songs to be treated as dance songs. One of the main ideas that he emphasized over & over in Fever-era interviews was that he wanted to challenge listeners and push the envelope. That was such a fundamental & core aspect of his approach to his songwriting back then.

For me, it’s the juxtaposition of a heavy topic being treated as an upbeat dance song that makes Camisado what it is. Ryan told Big Cheese in January 2006 that “you notice a lot of dance bands, the lyrics are pretty straightforward with nothing to think about – just songs to dance to. While we have songs to dance to, the lyrics are definitely not lighthearted. You can read into it more.” He also talked about how “for the first half of the record we were focused on the idea of writing songs that people could dance to.” Ryan always viewed Camisado as a dance song (here’s a random example from early October 2006 where Ryan & Jon are asked which of P!ATD’s songs would be the best to crazy dance to like you’re on ecstasy: Jon automatically says “Time to Dance” before Ryan states the obvious Camisado and Jon quickly agrees... it’s at 5:30 btw). 

You’re missing the point if you treat Camisado like some fragile song that should be venerated, tiptoed around, given a moment of silence, or somehow handled delicately because of the heavy topic. That is seriously the opposite approach of what Ryan was going for. Brendon was only respecting Ryan’s creative vision and following his directions by repeatedly introducing Camisado as a dance song. Brendon was like Ryan’s mouthpiece onstage in the Fever era. If Ryan didn’t actively want Camisado introduced as a dance song, then that wouldn’t have become a regular part of multiple tours like it did. The fans back then were not being disrespectful by jumping around, moshing, & dancing to Camisado either. We were very much aware of what the song was about... we did not somehow miss that memo throughout the hundreds of interviews the band did each season. Ironically, the younger fans these days are the disrespectful ones when they completely ignore everything Ryan wanted and then try to villainize Brendon for calling Camisado a dance song as though he personally came up with that idea and Ryan was some kind of passive victim who just drifted along quietly and had no input, personality, control, or creative vision.

Ryan absolutely wouldn’t have held back if people weren’t treating a song the way he wanted. In late spring 2008 he freely complained that some fans weren’t respecting Northern Downpour or really listening to the lyrics when they tried to mosh to that song. Yet he regularly encouraged people to dance to Camisado that year... because THAT WAS THE POINT lol. 

The Pretty. Odd. era didn’t require a dramatic frontman in a narrator’s role/character. Ryan & Jon often did the majority of the talking onstage (and had a lot of control during that era in general). So here are some examples of how Camisado was introduced in 2008:

update: someone just started messaging me screenshots of the types of comments that have apparently been happening on Twitter over the past couple years... I can't read all of these without falling into a pit of despair at the state of the modern fandom, but here are a few examples:

[adotmbrosia]

season 7-9 spoilers, particularly abt kevin tran

thinking abt kevin tran and how FUCKED everything was for him.

sam winchester is doomed by the narrative because he is the main character and he always got to go through shit but i’ve never seen anyone talk about how kevin tran was also doomed by the narrative due to being a prophet. maybe it’s bc of his actor and his horrible actions — which i do not condone and i feel so horrible for all the victims. but kevin tran as the character is so pitiful and sad yet i see nobody in the spn fandom talk abt it.

jst bc he’s the prophet he is ripped away from his normal life at like fucking 17/18 yrs old ffs his main concern was abt his ap classes 😭😭😭 imagine living almost two decades of normalcy and you’re thrown into this world where you’re being goddamn hunted down by everybody, especially these two scary ass 6 feet middle aged men who knows too much about everything spouting shit about “responsibility.” girl i havent even paid taxes yet!! idk shit abt responsibility!

after being forced into this role of the prophet, kevin literally worked — which is grueling btw transcribing is not easy and we can see it take a toll on him as he continues to work throughout the seasons — himself to the point where the winchesters bought him fucking xanax (i may be wrong here but it was some sort of medication) to calm his anxiety 😭 like ts is NOT okay to give to an undiagnosed teenager. not to mention crowley always looking for him.

the winchester brothers say kevin is family and how much the winchester brothers cared for kevin but they never rlly show it. kevin figured out he was kidnapped by crowley bc fake sam and dean winchester were too nice to him. they were willing to go through some trouble to get him food he wanted despite there being leftovers in the fridge. if i was depending on this poor kid to save the fucking world i’d buy him some barbecue.

i mostly have a gripe with dean’s “pep-talks” he has with kevin too. kevin is rightfully unhappy about these circumstances. he’s allowed to feel fucked and scared and all of these emotions but dean pushes his agenda in kevin’s face. he doesn’t consider the nuances of the situation because dean has never lived a life where he had a choice (which is another conversation) but it’s not okay to make kevin feel like that as well. dean says shit like “oh i expected this wimp to choose the cowards way out” when kevin was literally KIDNAPPED😭 (unbeknownst to dean and sam but i digress it’s understandable he would run away from all of this) after kevin finds out that his mother is alive from crowley, he wants to go out and find her yet dean makes kevin stay once again to serve his agenda of saving the world and shit veiled by claiming kevin was family and crowley has reasons to lie. but after kevin’s death we find out that she was, in fact, alive!!!

kevin could’ve saved his mother from months(?) of torture by a demon yet dean stopped him because of what??

speaking of deans treatment we go over to sam’s treatment of kevin how he jst went AWOL on the poor kid leaving him to hide and live alone for a year despite kevin calling him Numerous times to tell sam that he was alive and Needed help

and i’m not saying that dean and sam doesn’t care abt kevin bc they have said so in many instances and have saved him many times. i jst feel like they weren’t perfectly great to him (honestly i can’t really blame them either) and the narrative has truly fucked kevin over many times.

ESPEICALLY kevin’s death which could’ve been so easily prevented, but it happened because he no longer served a purpose to the narrative. like kevin only got a few episodes where he didn’t serve as a prophet and was allowed to help the winchester brothers in his own way— which he COULD btw. he hacked into the military wifi to help them convince this lady to allow them to investigate the bus.

i also think abt how the show presents kevin. in the beginning it’s the overdone and stereotypical joke of “oh look at the asian kid who wants to go into an ivy and is in a million ap classes” and they never elevate themselves out of that box kevin is put into. not to mention his mother who when introduced the episode name is literally “tiger mommy” which is another asian stereotype that they are pushed into. which is frankly racist and jst not good writing which IK the writers are capable of bc look at sam and dean winchester at certain instances bc sometimes they fuck that up too.

[keeksybee]

Rick and Spanish:

I’ve always wondered why he never speaks Spanish, Sanchez is obviously a Spanish name and while I get not using it with the kids or Beth because he actually cares about them understanding him, it’s totally in his character to use it with other Ricks or to piss Jerry off knowing it would drive him crazy to be talked about and have no idea what he was saying.

My main premise to this is I honestly don’t believe Rick is a no sabo kid (nothing wrong with being one BTW) I’ve done the math and if we assume Beth is 34 at the beginning of the series in 2013 (Summer must have been born 1996 when Beth was 17 and Morty would’ve come 3 years later in ‘99) that makes her birth year 1979 and presuming Rick had a slightly more planetary mindset when she was born that makes him 23-26 as was average for having kids back then, making his birth year 1953-1956.

Historically I get Beth not being taught Spanish to avoid discrimination, maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad when she was growing up but If Rick’s parents immigrated during WW2 , just before or after Rick was born or when Rick was a very young child that makes him a first gen immigrants child and while northern states were better, they weren’t great either, he would have very much been subjected to some pretty intense racism that he wouldn’t have wanted for his daughter no matter how much it hurt him to not know part of her own culture.

However I also believe Rick’s defiance streak is probably genetic and like hell he would give up his first language just to assimilate like many children of that generation may have been forced to, it was a thing in immigrant homes in America, particularly South American ones ( I’m not sure where the name Sanchez would be from specifically) where the children were banned from speaking their own languages. He however, was Rick Sanchez and would steadfastly refuse to be ashamed of himself or where he came from. It would have been a massive scandal when he married Dianne in their small town, she was most likely pretty, popular and white, he would have been heavily targeted as the schools wouldn’t have been non segregated for very long by the time he was in high school. Marrying Dianne was probably a very satisfying “Fuck you” to people who’d tormented him.

Which leads to the question why do we never hear him use Spanish. Six seasons and 40 years of heavy drinking and drug use and we never hear him slip once, and it’s not like he doesn’t screw up in other areas, language would be a simpler one. He never switches, never even swears in it, but there has to be something that triggers it.

I always imagined it would be Morty getting mortally wounded in a way that he can’t seemingly fix with what’s available to him. His June-bug is bleeding out in front of him and he can’t do shit, another person he couldn’t save. He breaks down, clutching the limp body his grandson, begging a god he doesn’t believe for the first time since his teens in a desperate mix of Spanish and English to do something, and illogically, when he thinks Morty has died, giving him what he remembers of his last rights knowing that if there’s a God the fact it’s him administering his rights is probably not doing any favours for his Grandson’s eternal soul, but then Morty miraculously coughs up blood.

He coughs up blood, not good but it means he’s alive, he can think now, he can do something, so he does.

Morty survives. Barely. He erases the memory, even he considers it too traumatic for Morty to recall, but he has to live with it, it haunts him, it haunts him in a way he hasn’t felt since his Dianne and Beth were killed in his dimension. That’s when he starts speaking to Morty in Spanish, the occasional “mijo” here, the rarer story about his upbringing there and openly conversing in Spanish with other Ricks in Morty’s presence.

Morty learns almost fluent Spanish in four months just to try and spite him. That’s his June-bug, guess Beth did pass down that competitive spirit, and some of his smarts too. It’s nice talking regularly in his mother tongue again even if he’d never tell Morty that, and it’s adorable when his grandson can’t pronounce something properly, messes up the tense of a word or stumbles in Spanish when he’s pissed off, it reminds him of a little kid. He gently corrects the tense errors under his guise of grumpy, codgery old man, Morty doesn’t even know how much better he gets.

Jerry’s pissed that he now doesn’t understand his father in law or his son, but that’s okay, it’s Jerry.

[pedroscurls]

Title: Broken Souls (Part 2).

Character(s): Joel Miller, Reader (female, second person POV) Summary: Will you have the strength to talk to him again?  Word Count: 2,046 Author's Note: Wow! I certainly wasn’t expecting quite a few people wanting a second part to this story... But ask and you shall receive. If you’ve read my previous stories (Negan-focused), you’ll know that I love writing angst. Joel is a very oblivious, in denial jerk in this btw. Anyway, please leave comments (it really does help!) and thank you again for reading💖 Warning: Angst. A lot of it.

“Was that–” Joel whispered, pulling away from his brother.

“That was.”

“Is she–”

“How about I give you a tour of Jackson before we even talk about that?” There was a slight bit of annoyance in Tommy’s voice that Joel picked up on and before he could even address it, he heard Ellie’s voice calling out to him.

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Joel mumbled. 

Joel kept his eyes on your retreating figure. His main concern was Ellie and getting her to the Fireflies, but it was at that moment that he just wanted to go after you, talk to you, fully see you again after all these years. All he could remember was the feeling of heartbreak and pain when you left ten years ago; he never thought you would leave his side, but then again, he had no one else to blame but him. 

He was distracted. Joel was tuning Tommy out, but he couldn’t hide the fact that there was a bit of jealousy bubbling within him. Not only because he was safe and in the comfort of a community that resembled the old world, but because he had you. 

Joel couldn’t believe it. This place, this community. If only he could just stay here forever. With you. 

You stumbled into your home, vision blurred and chest beginning to tighten. You couldn’t catch your breath. You couldn’t focus. All you could see was him. All you could feel was the pain you felt the night you left him. Even after ten years, it came rushing back like it happened only yesterday. 

And damn him. Damn him for still looking so good. 

You held onto the edge of your kitchen sink, trying so hard to focus. Your body felt like it was on fire and your mind was only showing you memories of him, of Sarah. The grip you had on your kitchen sink tightened, knuckles turning white before you grabbed the cup you filled with water and tossed it across the room. 

The shattering of the glass brought you back to reality. You stared down at your feet, chest heaving rapidly as you slowly tried to calm down. 

Damn him for looking at you the way he did. 

You weren’t sure what he was doing here, who that young girl was, but you told yourself to wait it out in the comfort of your own home. Surely, Tommy wouldn’t tell him where you lived. Would he? 

You were broken out of your reverie when you heard a knock on your door. You didn’t want to answer it, didn’t want to see who it was on the other side of it. 

But then you heard her voice. 

Maria.

You breathed a sigh of relief, wiping your tears away before you slowly walked to the door. Opening it, you saw the other woman and the younger girl that Joel was with. She was looking around, almost as if she was on alert. 

“Hey,” Maria said. “Can we come in?” 

“Y– Yeah, sure.” You replied, opening the door and letting the two come in. They glanced over at the broken glass. Maria gave you a look. Ellie, on the other hand, well, she was very blunt.

“You throwing shit around?” 

Your brow arched. “Sorry?” 

“Broken glass,” she pointed out. 

“Ah,” you cleared your throat. “Something like that, yeah.” 

Ellie walked around your living room, looking around as you and Maria stayed near the front door. 

“Listen, I know–”

“What the hell is Joel doing here?” You whispered. It had been so long since you said his name and all the memories, good and bad, tried to force its way to the forefront of your mind. 

“You know Joel?” Ellie said, interrupting a very private conversation.

“Um, a bit. Through Tommy, you know.” You lied.

Ellie narrowed her eyes, shrugged her shoulders, then continued to look around.

“I have something to tend to, but can you please look after her?” 

“What?” 

“Just help her get cleaned up, get her a more fitting coat for the weather, and–”

“And then you want me to bring her to Joel.”

Maria sighed. “No. I’ll be back by then.”

“You better be sure, Maria. I don’t– Seeing him–” You sighed, shaking your head. “It’s just a lot.”

Maria nodded in understanding. She knew all about your relationship with Joel, not bothering to hide the fact that she understood both sides: yours and his. 

“I know, I’ll be back soon.” Maria then turned to Ellie. “Ellie, she’s gonna look after you for a bit. Help you get freshened up and–”

“Sure, got it,” Ellie interrupted, saluting the other woman. 

When Maria left, you immediately went to clean up your mess. You could hear Ellie’s footsteps around your home, trying to keep your emotions at bay. 

“So, how do you know Joel?” Ellie asked, following you into the kitchen.

“Like I said, through Tommy and–”

“Bullshit,” she said. “How do you know him?” 

You sighed. “We knew each other, from before.” 

“Oh shit! Really?” Ellie chuckled. “How come you just left when you saw him then?”

“We have history. Now, enough of the questions. Maria wants you to get cleaned up. Bathroom is upstairs. Take your time. I have to go and find you a more fitting coat.”

Ellie furrowed a brow, noticing the way you bit your lower lip and how you wouldn’t meet her eyes. The young girl knew exactly what happened between you and Joel and she didn’t want to pry even further. “Okay,” was all Ellie replied before she ascended the stairs.

Once you heard the door shut, you let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the counter of the kitchen. 

This really wasn’t the way you were planning to spend your day off. 

—

Tommy and Joel were in an empty bar. Joel looked around and let a small smile line his lips, shaking his head. 

“Can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“All this time, I was worried you were dead and here you are… Got alcohol, got bacon.” 

“Joel–”

“I’m happy for you.” Joel said, downing his drink. “Really, I am.”

“Why does it seem like there’s a but in that?”

“How long has she been here?” Joel blurted.

“Here we go.”

“What?”

“You ain’t a saint, Joel. You hurt her and I don’t think she’s ever been the same since,” Tommy replied. 

“That was ten years ago,” Joel whispered. “There ain’t no way–”

“That woman loved you, Joel. Even after all this time, you still can’t see that?” Tommy sighed. “We were all there that night, but you– You acted like it only affected you.”

“She was my daughter,” Joel spat. 

“We know!” Tommy exclaimed. “But she was my niece. I took her to school every morning when you had early morning shifts. She went over to her home everyday after school when you were working late.” Tommy let out a heavy sigh, his eyes softening. “You ain’t the only one that lost Sarah, Joel.”

“I just–” Joel sighed. “She was better off without me.”

“Are you crazy?” Tommy replied. “That woman would have done anything for you. Hell, I think she still would and here you are, still saying the same shit you said ten years ago.” 

“I’m not a good man, Tommy.”

“No one’s good anymore, Joel.”

Joel let out a grunt and stood from his seat, looking around the bar. “She’s safer here.”

“But she’s happier with you.”

—

Later that night, you walked over to Tommy’s house. You were feeling so many emotions all at once and you needed to talk to him, to hear him reassure you that your feelings are valid, but when you barged in, you noticed Joel, Tommy, Ellie, and Maria in the living room.

Instantly, you felt embarrassed. Tommy noticed the look on your face and immediately stood up to walk over to you, closing the door behind you and bringing you down the hall. He sent Maria a look who gave him a single nod. 

Once inside the guest room, Tommy shut the door and looked at you, eyes softening.

“Okay, let it out.” 

Instantly, you sat at the edge of the bed and cried. Tears wouldn’t stop flowing and you felt your chest tightening once again. All you could think about was Joel, about Sarah, about how broken you still were. 

When you felt Tommy sit next to you and his arm wrap around your shoulders, you leaned against him and cried even more. You wished you could say this was cathartic, letting out all of the emotions you kept bottled in, but instead, it was the opposite. It was terrifying and you wanted it to stop. 

You wanted the pain to stop.

“W– Why is here?” You whispered, wiping your eyes and looking up at him.

Tommy didn’t get a chance to reply before the door opened and Joel walked in, quietly and carefully. 

“Are you okay?” Joel asked.

Tommy gave Joel a glance. Was his older brother that oblivious? He then looked to you, whispering if you wanted him to give you and Joel some space. You nodded and Tommy stood from the bed, walking towards the door. He grasped his brother’s shoulder and whispered, “Careful what you say, Joel. Good luck.”

When Tommy left, Joel cleared his throat and walked over to you.

“You’re crying, darlin’–”

“Am I okay?!” You said, standing from the bed and walking to him. “No, I am not okay! Y– You just come here, ten years later, and you ask me if I’m okay?” 

Joel opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it immediately. He wanted to pull you into his arms, wipe your tears away, and tell you that he was here, he wasn’t going anywhere anymore, but he couldn’t. You were better off without him.

“I gave you my heart, Joel…” you whispered, looking up at him with so much pain in your eyes. “And you broke it. I have been broken ever since I left and–”

“That was your decision.”

Your brows lifted, mouth slightly open and you gently pushed him. How dare he. 

“Are you serious?” 

Joel didn’t respond. 

“I couldn’t take the loneliness anymore,” you continued. “I may have physically left, but you— you were already gone.” 

“I was just survivin’ the only way I know how…”

“And what about me!?” You yelled. “Did it ever occur to you that I was hurting too? That you weren’t the only one whose life stopped? I needed you!” 

“I didn’t force you to leave…” Joel mumbled. 

“I stuck by you for ten years, Joel… For ten years after Sarah, I was there! And you– You didn’t even notice. What makes you think that I would have stayed for another ten like that?”

“You wanted to leave and I wasn’t going to stop you!” 

“Should I have pretended to be happy? To be okay with how things were? I was fucking miserable, Joel!”

Joel nodded, his jaw tightening. “So you left.” 

Tears fell from your eyes, trickled down your cheek as you stared up at him. “All I wanted was you… Why was that so hard to understand? Why is it, that after all this time, it stills feels like my fault for leaving?”

“You did what you needed to do,” Joel replied. “Ain’t no one putting the blame on you, but you.”

You scoffed. Your heart was breaking all over again. 

“You broke me, Joel… Do you even know how difficult it was for me to make that decision? And even after all this time, it’s one where I constantly think if I made the right one?”

“And is it?” Joel asked. “The right decision?”

Instead of answering that question, you replied, “Why did you let me go? Why couldn’t– Why couldn’t you have just asked me to stay?”

Joel cleared his throat. He didn’t have the answer to that. He wanted to tell you that it was one of his biggest regrets, not being able to just tell you to stay. 

“And I am tired, Joel. So tired of loving you, of feeling this pain. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to love you anymore…”

“Then don’t.” Joel replied, turning on his heel and leaving the room with the door slamming shut.

---

Part 1. - Part 3.

[willowistic22]

‼️these violent delights/our violent ends/foul lady fortune/last violent call spoilers‼️

I want to share some thoughts with yall after i just finished last violent call. Waiting for foul heart huntsman later in September is torture so i thought to talk now

There’s so many thoughts where do i start uhmm. I’m glad my friend introduced me to this series (hi parker!!! Immensely grateful btw). I haven’t been so captivated by a book/series in awhile so i truly loved this.

I think the small part of my denial part suspected that Roma and Juliette was alive since it was explicitly mentioned in the OVE epilogue that their bodies weren’t found after the explosion. I’m glad we get an addition of the novella’s in the series that serves as an epilogue for Roma and Juliette’s arc. It served their love story justice. Ofc if we knew all along that they’re alive se cld come up with our own conclusion that they’re living their peaceful lives far far away but with the novella’s we cld actually see how they live their domestic life.

And oml i’m so glad Chloe Gong added Benedikt and Marshall’s love story a novella epilogue. Like to finally get a conclusion that all that mutual pining was worth it is very *chef’s kiss*. I wish we get to see their everyday domestic life in their home however. But a murder mystery epilogue is so fun and fitting for them so i’m not complaining all that much. But wldn’t it be cool to see what they’re like at home like how we see Roma and Juliette? Like yeah they were determined to help a couple in need, but we get a glimpse on what they’re like at home. Again, i understand that even if it is an epilogue it can’t be all fluffy since it takes form of a novella and technically speaking it needs to add on to the plot since it’s not yet the actual epilogue of the series.

Ahhh but i loved all the details slipped in the novella’s. Marshall being the main cook is spot on and him hving monthly gossip sesh with Juliette is so fitting i love them. Roma being absolutely in love with his wife and spoiling her with his love till the ends of the earth? Perfection. Juliette still wanting to cause problems despite also being in the lovey-dovey state much like Roma? So in character and very girlboss of her i love it sm.

It took me by surprise ngl when it was mentioned that Benedikt’s a children’s art teacher. But honestly it’s quite fitting. I can see him being very good with kids of different ages and also channeling his passiom for the arts to those kids by teaching them. Imagine one of his students paints a stick figure portrait of Benedikt and the kid showing it to him and Benedikt just has to keep it in himself from tearing up. It looked like a stick man made with chicken scratches and his name spelt wrong, but to Benedikt it was EVERYTHING. Also not to mention Marshall so definitely falling in love with Benedikt all over again any time he sees him playing and having fun with the kids like hsnsganshmsgwnw. Roma and Juliette’s future children will definitely be spoiled by their dear uncles and omg the possibilities are endless. My fav possibility so far is the thought of Marshall and Benedikt teaching their future kids how to ultimately bully Roma and it being the funniest sight ever it sends Juliette rolling on the floor.

But now it brings me to the events of FLF and the potential foul heart huntsman events. Wow did the Orion being controlled by his mother plottwist at the end took me out and basically shattered my heart. Like????? Him and Rosalind had smth going on and now mommy issues came knocking on their front door to ruin it all. Now that i think abt it the mind control plottwist sounds like an allegory for toxic and controlling boy mom relationships uhmm… was what chloe gong was going for?? I mean it was good and i think it truly did the trick ngl. Like it was a whole damn whiplash. Both the concept being a plottwist and a (potential but idk if it was meant to be that so take this one with a grain of salt) allegory.

Also what I truly loved abt FLF how the whole plot is basically abt Rosalind’s guilt. For so long she felt guilty for nearly destroying Shanghai and became an agent just so she can repent from her wrongdoings. And isn’t that nearly identical to Orion?? I mean, he became an agent to make himself useful and to prove a point to his father so it’s not necessarily centered around guilt anyways but like… same vibes? You know? Look it just make sense to me. But anyways and then they found each other and like unravel each other slowly and like gsngsmshsms. So cute. Amazing. Orion Hong is very malewife energy especially when he was losing his shit swinging left and right in that last fight scene in the warehouse.

Also that does leave me to wonder how wld FHH wld play out. I was so hoping for Orion and Oliver to reconcile at the end of FLF ngl bcs yeah i love found family but i LOVE sibling bond tropes. Like for so long I adored Rosalind and Celia’s relationship throughout TVL and OVE. It’s still apparent in FLF so i’m glad and hopefully it’ll keep going till FHH. But pls give me fluffy Hong siblings. And like all of them. All three. Imagiem how funny it’d be when Pheobe and Silas inevitably get together (there’s no denying they’re going to get together eventually. If they aren’t then Chloe Gong has been playing with our feelings this whole time and led us all on) and the big brother instinct in Oliver and Orion will jump at the thought of Pheobe with a boyfriend. Ok well I’m sure it has happened before since FLF have mentioned that Orion has stolen Pheobe’s ex bf to like ‘test his loyalty’ or whatever but to i don’t think he’s ever been into Silas like that. Like ever. Even if he did he already definitely so whipped for Rosalind so he’s not even gonna want to at that point. But I’m sorry the thought of Oliver and Orion cornering Silas and giving him the shovel talk?? That’s amazing. I mean yeah Orion wld do it moreso bcs he finds it funny and only feeling the need to make sure Silas stays in line when it comes to his sister just a tiny bit. But Oliver? He’d be so serious with his threat.

But the main thing we’re all awaiting in FHH is definitely the story of Rosalind getting Orion back. But seeing that he’s basically a superhuman, Rosalind wld so definitely round up the whole gang. But does that gang also include Roma Juliette Benedikt and Marshall?? I’m hoping it wld. And like not just a quick appearance, which is smth i’m sure we’ve all suspected with what’s been told in the novella’s. But i truly wanna see thrm getting involved in the brutal fights and shit. Also i hv to see the Roma and Alisa reunion. I need to hv it bcs my life depends on it!!!!!

I cannot wait for FHH to come out and reveal more tiny details of all these character’s and reveal the last story to truly tie this series up to an end. I’m gonna get super fucking emotional ngl but i’m also excited nonetheless.

Ngl i still hv many thoughts abt this series but I’m not gonna share it now bcs my brain is spinning like 63826 miles an hour just by thinking abt it so this is as much as I can put it into words. Wld love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on this. My ask box is always open:)