skirefly

[skirefly]

My coworker completely misreads our maintenance guy’s vibes… he sees a big fuzzy bearded dude who works outside and thinks he must be super macho, completely missing all the bisexual tabletop gamer coding in his mannerisms. So when maintenance guy and I greet each other like high camp theatre nerds with a series of bows and flourishes and made-up titles, coworker is SO visibly confused and thinks I must have trained him to do this.

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

sorry for being indecisive, I haven’t had any prophetic dreams to guide me in a while

[skirefly]

“and i have always said that”

some of my current favorite responses to weird/confusing sentences:

“many such cases”

“we love/hate to see it”

“honestly, work”

“many are saying this”

“love them or hate them they’re spitting straight facts”

“you conjure a beautiful world”

[skirefly]

daddy's got to be honest kitten. i don't think we're finding the northwest passage

[skirefly]

my crack team of internet addled 16-24 year olds have been working day and night to invent a belief system that is near identical to that of the average white father in the 1950s. No its ok we are using words that are newer and also dumber.

[skirefly]

there’s nothing wrong with darting out from behind a parked car into traffic, bootlicker

[skirefly]

many are asking this

[skirefly]

Favorite adderall review

[skirefly]

I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

SOUND ON.

[skirefly]

Kink isn’t shameful because of the weird sex stuff. That part’s rad. It’s shameful because it is technically improv. 

[skirefly]

my daughter Divorce Lawyer is not doing well socially

[skirefly]

genuinely wild to me that my entire job is being on the phone now. when i moved from my factory job into the office management side i had panic attacks over every phone call. once i had to call a a sales representative for one of our suppliers and left a voicemail for this man (named sam) where i very loudly began with “Hi, Ham!” and i froze for a solid 15 seconds of stomach-to-asshole terror before i hung the phone up with audible force. and that was the day my supervisor told me through tears that if you press the pound key at the end of your voicemail instead of hanging up it gives you the option to re-record.

[skirefly]

"came back wrong" but it's from work