skirefly

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

my friend's shiba inu is extremely good at puzzle toys and deeply obsessed with them and today she's been consumed by madness in one room she doesn't want to leave and we finally figured out it's because i sucked up some loose kibble in the little handheld vacuum, thus creating an unsolvable puzzle toy

[skirefly]

they should let me give it a try im a fast learner and not afraid of the dark at all

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

hey, don't cry. 40,000 in small bills in the bag, alright? quickly

[skirefly]

Ted Eggos has threatened my life at least thirteen times this week alone. His goons' angry letters are filling up my cubby in the supermailbox on the corner. Late at night, people drive past my house real slow, trying to rattle me away from changing the world forever. My invention? The pancake printer.

Now, you're going to say the same thing my family did when I showed it to them. Making pancakes does not require this level of precision. That's when I busted out an immaculate reproduction of Mickey Mouse's head. Sure, I got immediately sued afterward by the Disney group of ultracorporations, but the point was made. That morning, I got my first investor.

Those investors are happy. With over a billion units sold, we are well on our way to saturating every pancake-consuming nation on the planet. Some folks tell me that they bought two, just in case their first one breaks down during a particularly intense morning with the in-laws. Competition? I'm pretty sure it will be a couple years until I get copied. Our innovations on the buttermilk rendering matrix and the browning-tension theorem put us way ahead of our rivals, especially those who weren't even thinking about pancakes before the big drop. I went on that fateful hour of QVC, hawking the pancake printer, not to stun the American populace. No: to liberate them. A truly round pancake tastes different from every other. You have never had a truly round one before this great machine.

And yet, late into the night, I cannot remember the brainstorms that led to the device. Surely I must have had thoughts, that built on logic, that built on reason, but there is no evidence of any order in the creation – discovery? – of this fantastic work. My notes, too, are indecipherable, written in a madman's shorthand. Many of them were simply burned to ashes in the fire. Ted Eggos? No. I recognize the lick of my own Bic. We continue to make the pancake printer, but I worry when I am called upon to repeat my miracle. Already, the young scientists in my lab ask me how I would make one that produces slightly smaller pancakes, for the travel market. I have eaten nothing but pancakes for three years now. They say you are what you eat. In my darker moments, I wonder if it was me who invented the pancake printer, or if the pancake printer invented me. I bit my foot the other day, to see if it was made of batter.

[skirefly]

the worlds most shy animal has just built up enough courage to sniff you

[skirefly]

collecting posts of this type

[skirefly]

i'm forever haunted by my inability to whistle because i truly tried. i watched youtube videos and practiced in the mirror again and again with no results,

until 2020 when i was living on a boat completely alone in quarantine during the heat of lockdown. i woke up at 1 am from a dream in which i was whistling. i sat up in bed and i thought, "oh my god, i get it now,"

and i whistled. i whistled a tune, even. i took a video of myself whistling just to prove it to everyone.

i went back to bed. in the morning, i couldn't whistle anymore. i only have the video as a reminder of the time i was briefly possessed by a whistling ghost who took pity on me.

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

did u seriously just equate physical appearance with morality in front of the hoes

[skirefly]

haaate when i actually find advertisements funny. makes me feel dirty . makes me feel impure

[skirefly]

I love divorced middle aged women tiktok. Like yes Mel get that divorce it's never too late

[skirefly]

[skirefly]

I deeply love this list of reasons to not kill yourself that is obviously targeted towards 11 year olds

[skirefly]

Million dollar idea

[skirefly]