#we were so small
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oh my chest aches tonight
#i wrote out this very cathartic post that idk if i’ll publish but god. it made me cry#it’s so incredibly fucked up how you can just. drift apart from someone who was so goddamn important to you#i went thru my moms facebook pictures to try to find pictures of the two of us together#we were so small#so much time has past#abby.txt
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So that FNAF 2 movie teaser huh,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#fnaf 2#fnaf 2 movie#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#mike schmidt#toy freddy#toy bonnie#toy chica#when I say I’m losing my mind#that’s such an understatement#THIS IS A VERY SMALL SNEAK PEAK BUT it’s got my full attention#TOY FREDDY looks perfect#I love how shiney and glossy he is#I always assumed the toys were super clean and plasticy#I CANT believe we gotta wait a full year to see THIS MOVIEEE#so to celebrate I had to draw something IMMEDIATELY#Mike is gonna be so flabbergasted how slay serve thr toys are#he’s not ready for these divas
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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Burning Rotten Bridges
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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i really do think there’s a huge disconnect on here w/ people who have never used tiktok as to what it actually is and who actually uses it. the number of people i’ve seen call it a “teen dancing app” is actually insane. it has not been a teen dancing app since i was in high school, around 2016 - 2020. the main communities i saw on a daily basis were 1) black history/anti-racism educators, 2) high school & college teachers sharing in-classroom strategies and frustrations with the education system, 3) local/state political leaders giving real-time updates on behind-the-scenes government decisions, & 4) community activism & leadership. like tiktok is an adult platform. almost every person i interacted with was my age or older. and yes it completely depends on your fyp and how you interact with the app, yes there’s still teenagers and dance videos and literally anything else you can think of. but these communities of adults aren’t insubstantial at all, they have literally millions of interactions on a daily basis. there’s about a million other types of communities that i could name just off the top of my head, because the range of users was SO diverse and thriving. it’s a long-distance community tool, just like any other social media—and honestly much better than any other social media, because it relies primarily on the kindness of strangers. i saw at least 5-10 videos today of queer people in rural areas panicking because they don’t have any access to queer community on any other platform or in real life. and before i end this i do want to say i think tiktok is coming back, i think this is a highly orchestrated political move, etc., but i do know it won’t ever be exactly the same. people are panicking about free speech violations because tiktok was a place where people fucking SPEAK. i have never seen mass mobilization and communication in this same way for as long as i’ve been alive. it is the people’s app, not just a silly teenage thing. if you’re not on tiktok and never have been, please stop talking about it like you know anything at all😭
#idec if i look stupid for these posts i am fucking Mad#it’s not about doomscrolling. be so fr. i’ve had a time limit on for years and i’ve done perfectly fine#people’s jobs were on this app. small businesses were on this app. fucking CULTURE was on this app#project willow? bisan in gaza? like this is the most interconnected and fast-moving source of news we have#literally straight from the ground. from the places where it’s happening#i know i can still read news. that’s not the problem.#the problem is that i have nowhere else to see the videos from my minnesota legislator who’s been giving daily updates on the republican#coup in the house of representatives. like. do you see the problem.#not to mention half the news sites are paywalled anyway.#and i saw someone say that this forces us to foster irl community which is true again. but you can still have irl community at the same time#as long-distance virtual community????#my best friends are long distance. if all social media went dark i could never talk to them again.#like we are in the fucking 21st century. we should be able to have both.#anyway. sorry for all the ranting lately except i’m really not because i am fucking PISSED#i’ll be on rednote and youtube for a while except neither of them are really the same.#genuinely nothing was like tiktok fr. i miss it already#tiktok#tiktok ban
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Slip-Up
#i put way too much effort than intended hhh#I LOVE DRAWING BDAY ART... ITS A SHAME NONE OF THE BOYS HAVE A CANON BIRTH DATE#but yeah this is how i imagine how Soap and Gaz would learn bout Ghost's bday cuz bitch nEVER SHARES#also ngl... this is also based on real life exp HSAHSHASH MY SHS FRIENDS FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY CUZ WE WERE SO STRESSED ABOUT MIDTERMS#they bought me a small cupcake with a candle and this sort of blueberry cheesecake and it was so good!!#my art#2023#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmw#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw2#mw3#ghost#soap#gaz#simon ghost riley#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#task force 141#tf141#141#art#fanart#digital art
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Dad always said I was like him
Meijack and Chilchuck Tims Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui
^ 1: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 2: Bug like an angel, Mitski / 3: Woodtangle, Mary Ruefle / 4: The Third Hour of the Night, Frank Bidart / 5 & 6: FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK,", Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 7: Batman: Year Three (1989) / 8 & 9 : FROM THE MAKERS OF […], Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 10: Wilt, CJ the X / 11: How Do We Forgive Our Fathers, Dick Lourie / 12: Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur / 13: And My Father's Love Was Nothing Next To God's Will, Amatullah Bourdon / 14: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 15: Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong, Ocean Vuong / 16: untitled, Joan Tierney v 17: Drunk, The Living Tombstone / 18: unknown
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it, and still you stand next to your mother just as silent and just as stoic as her during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight, out of mind. And he’s never really been there, even when he was there, after all.



#It’s ok they do get in touch again and he prob at least lives to 40#Alright I’m ready to be normal about chilchuck again#Spoilers#I guess?#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meijack#chilchuck’s family#meijack chils#Web weaving#alcoholism#cw alcohol#webweave#A couple more i liked are like a rearview mirror we’re not as close as we appear line and this french one from#Kristina Gauthier-Landry that goes like hands full of trout running up to you / look what i caught look / how much you love me#And this other one about chocolate coins that a dad arriving from work in middle of the night gives the happy little daughter running up#And it’s so anticlimatic and about transactional relationships and oughh ough it’s a good book#I am Chil is a complex absentee father truther sorry. Idc go see my analyses if you want don’t argue w me here#posts for which i am the target audience#Oh oh another one : So were we close? Or was it just the big things that held us together and the small things that let us fall apart?#The word father rotted in my mouth#Bc it’s left there to rot get it get it………..#Sigh. Like father alike daughter#I’m a truther that she’s more like her mom demeanor wise
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I think it says something that Jimmy absolutely destroyed the crew and ship in half the time Curly was captain. Like he couldn’t even get them past 2 full months before breaking down.
Like he really couldn’t be half the man he thought Curly was.
#like I think it’s crazy cause the whole trip from when we start the game is like 6 months#they are only six months into the trip post crash it’s why getting help was so futile#they had to survive another 6-7 with almost no resources sense most actual food resources where blocked off or destroyed#I see people saying they were surviving for six months after the crash or at least five but it’s only two#they were on the ship for 4 months before hand like the time frames we play are extremely small in retrospect#it’s like what 187 days when we get into the game? that’s about 6 months total#like I’m sorry this is also about peop saying Anya was liek 5 months pregnant but I think a big point is the assault just happened and Curly#didn’t react to it correct initially cause like have you seen someone whose 5 months pregnant? Anya is clearly not even with artistic l#liberty like 2 months is perfect because it’s literally like the time when you confirm the pregnancy is stable and can feel the first signs#of life which is why she was getting worse and worse cause it was getting to the point she couldn’t hide it from Swansea and Daisuke and Jim#he already knew but imagine him seeing her with a stomach? he’d lose it completely#it was just showing signs of life hence the ultrasound and horse fetus and the heart beat#like the minimum time is around 8-10 weeks which is two months like the two months is super intentional both in accordance to what he did#and the time before hand#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#nurse anya
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Was dissecting the SOTM trailer and apparently your monty is a mm member comic is now canon




ANOTHER WIN FOR MONTY ENJOYERS!!!
(Original comic)
#ask reply#YOU GUYS DONT understand how hyped I got seeing that gator#I knew Monty would have just a bit more lore#cause he’s literally a swamp animal has been shown to be friendly with Mr hippo#and tge mm members being shown as in the swamp too#it much of been they were all early concepts#that faz ent use now as backup characters#I wanna say too that this SOTM Monty#he’ll probably have a small side story in notes or something#over how he was considered to be Freddy’s partner#but they instead went with springbonnie#so it can set up Bonnie and Monty’s beef LMAO#that might be delusional take but I’d be so here for it#haters for life Monty and Bonnie art 🩵#I feel so smart my brain is huge one win for me#I doubt Monty will be mega important but will be an interesting side thing#I’ll take my crumbs#idk if it’s canon just yet but him being shown is enough for me lmao close enough !!#we take those!!
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Something Old, Something New.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#a-yuan#Hey now! It's been a long while since we've seen that hair style!#Something old - in the way you see a little glimpse of a boy that died a long time ago#Something new in a man who has a new direction and purpose. Somehow it is still you. But you can't ever be that *you* again.#I think grief comes from a mourning of futures we lost. We associate it with love-#-but what else do we mourn if not the future we had with them? So too do we feel grief over the future our past self once hoped for.#I love the radish extra because it is so sweet and so full of small sorrows.#WWX is as playful as always with A-Yuan but there is a constant presence of how he no longer sees a future for himself.#Be it in the way he talks about the impossibility of him having children.#Or in the way he creates this silly and artificial game of helping A-yuan grow-up faster.#It's always about the moment to moment with him. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed.#His major hubris moment has yet to come but I would strongly argue that the seeds of doubt were already gestating.#It might be a bit of a 'ship tease' moment when WWX comments that his idea kid would be more like LWJ than himself -#But I consider it to be a true (if unconscious) sentiment that he sees himself as having gone down the wrong path.#It's not a 'I want LWJ to have my kids' moment. It's an 'if I were to have kid - I'd want them to never know what I went through.'#WWX is the parent that breaks the cycle. He walked for 10km through the corpse piles everyday and by god he's driving you to school.#LWJ is also a cycle breaker parent but in the opposite direction. He packs chocolate chip cookies and extra snacks in your bag.
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I should find another hobby
Anyway, if Merlin was set in modern times, Arthur would have called Merlin his “gay awakening”.
#arthur’s mind in this moment (probably)#‘what the fuck is a stab with a magical sword anyway’#‘let me kiss merlin’#‘let’s smooch’#‘let’s go back to camelot and copulate’#‘why haven’t i done this before i mean WHATEVER I’M JUST DYING SO’#‘let’s make the best of my last few moments AM I RIGHT FELLAS’#‘come on merlin one small peck coME HERE’#and merlin’s thoughts (probably):#‘if you die without kissing me i will sentence you to death’#‘no hesitation’#‘put those pretty lips on minE COME ON ARTHIE’#merlin’s thought as he waits for arthur’s return (probably)#‘i’ll kill him again. what the fuck does thank you even mean’#‘bro be for real we’re just gay’#‘we were supposed to bed each other and you died in my arms instead’#‘pretty dramatic if you ask me’#if you didn’t notice i’m going insane#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#i’ll probably delete it later because i don’t feel that sure about it but i wanted a laugh#i made this out of desperation for the finale since i finished my rewatch#please send help
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bonjour wakfu fans. i am, how you say, back in the fucking building.
also do we remember when this happened

#im doing a rewatch for the first time in like 5 years or so. can u tell#a lot of things did not age well. but i still find it funny that amalia threatened to throw herself overboard just because yugo didn't#wanna wait things out#also do we ever think about how for adamai his first interaction with yugo is kinda intertwined with his father figure dying. b#because i do.#“yugo how come you get to keep *your* dad?”#i wanna make wakfu charms but like no one but me would want them bdbdbd#im gonna make them eventually anyways because i wanna be that one store that has popular shit and also niche shit people never heard of#wakfu yugo#wakfu#yugo wakfu#amalia wakfu#wakfu amalia#wakfu season 1#wakfu season 2#THEY WERE SO TINY OKAY. THEY WERE SO SMALL#i miss s1 ad :[#also i adore yugo shooing off az to go sit in the stands in the gobbal game <333
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and this is the drawing you would have gotten if cute won the vote! what if they were creatures. but tiny.
#qsmp#rose duo#jaiden animations#cellbit#my art#what if. we were little critters and we were so small we had to hide from the rain under a leaf. and we were best friends
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"What did Medieval English sound like?"
#“temp-tass-jõnn”#a lot of these small open quote mini-lectures were really interesting#“hus” is how we pronounce house to this day#so is “knekt” (knight)
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Meowpi compilation




Meowpi is the Touden family’s house cat. We mostly see it with or around Falin, and if Falin having named Muimui is any indication I hc Falin was the one to name it~ Beyond the dogs and Meowpi, the Toudens also have chickens, sheeps, goats and at least one horse.

#Lmk if there are any more times we see it… i keep thinking one appearance must be in a daydream hour but i’m not finding it#Dungeon meshi#touden siblings#Touden family#Is there a tag……#The Toudens#Idk man#Compilation#albeit a small one#IS IT GREY OR IS IT ORANGE… WERE THERE TWO DIFFERENT CATS#Cat could be kept around for mousing. Or not idk#Laios dog lord and Falin cat friend…… I do think Toumom is more of a cat person so this is v fun
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