#we were so small
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oh my chest aches tonight
#i wrote out this very cathartic post that idk if i’ll publish but god. it made me cry#it’s so incredibly fucked up how you can just. drift apart from someone who was so goddamn important to you#i went thru my moms facebook pictures to try to find pictures of the two of us together#we were so small#so much time has past#abby.txt
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So that FNAF 2 movie teaser huh,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#fnaf 2#fnaf 2 movie#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#mike schmidt#toy freddy#toy bonnie#toy chica#when I say I’m losing my mind#that’s such an understatement#THIS IS A VERY SMALL SNEAK PEAK BUT it’s got my full attention#TOY FREDDY looks perfect#I love how shiney and glossy he is#I always assumed the toys were super clean and plasticy#I CANT believe we gotta wait a full year to see THIS MOVIEEE#so to celebrate I had to draw something IMMEDIATELY#Mike is gonna be so flabbergasted how slay serve thr toys are#he’s not ready for these divas
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Burning Rotten Bridges
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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Slip-Up
#i put way too much effort than intended hhh#I LOVE DRAWING BDAY ART... ITS A SHAME NONE OF THE BOYS HAVE A CANON BIRTH DATE#but yeah this is how i imagine how Soap and Gaz would learn bout Ghost's bday cuz bitch nEVER SHARES#also ngl... this is also based on real life exp HSAHSHASH MY SHS FRIENDS FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY CUZ WE WERE SO STRESSED ABOUT MIDTERMS#they bought me a small cupcake with a candle and this sort of blueberry cheesecake and it was so good!!#my art#2023#call of duty#call of duty: modern warfare#call of duty: modern warfare ii#call of duty: modern warfare iii#cod#codmw#codmwii#codmwiii#modern warfare#mw2#mw3#ghost#soap#gaz#simon ghost riley#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#task force 141#tf141#141#art#fanart#digital art
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saw wild native illinois prickly pear cactus today. they were living it up on a prairie preserve flowering flourishing not a worry or typical desert in sight. i vividly remember this being a trick question on a kahoot activity in an entry-level bio class in college and I got it wrong because I said it was not possible, but folks…. it can happen
#not to blow up anybodys native midwestern prickly pear viewing spot#but it was the thomson fulton sand prairie nature reserve#dude. so much of it#I think that in mowing a couple feet on either side of the trail they sent cactus bits flying and made even more cactus flourish#anyway my mom wanted to go there bc she heard there were lizards there and we went and we did indeed see lizards.#they were six lined racerunners and they were very small and beautiful and fast#cacti
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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I think it says something that Jimmy absolutely destroyed the crew and ship in half the time Curly was captain. Like he couldn’t even get them past 2 full months before breaking down.
Like he really couldn’t be half the man he thought Curly was.
#like I think it’s crazy cause the whole trip from when we start the game is like 6 months#they are only six months into the trip post crash it’s why getting help was so futile#they had to survive another 6-7 with almost no resources sense most actual food resources where blocked off or destroyed#I see people saying they were surviving for six months after the crash or at least five but it’s only two#they were on the ship for 4 months before hand like the time frames we play are extremely small in retrospect#it’s like what 187 days when we get into the game? that’s about 6 months total#like I’m sorry this is also about peop saying Anya was liek 5 months pregnant but I think a big point is the assault just happened and Curly#didn’t react to it correct initially cause like have you seen someone whose 5 months pregnant? Anya is clearly not even with artistic l#liberty like 2 months is perfect because it’s literally like the time when you confirm the pregnancy is stable and can feel the first signs#of life which is why she was getting worse and worse cause it was getting to the point she couldn’t hide it from Swansea and Daisuke and Jim#he already knew but imagine him seeing her with a stomach? he’d lose it completely#it was just showing signs of life hence the ultrasound and horse fetus and the heart beat#like the minimum time is around 8-10 weeks which is two months like the two months is super intentional both in accordance to what he did#and the time before hand#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#nurse anya
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I should find another hobby
Anyway, if Merlin was set in modern times, Arthur would have called Merlin his “gay awakening”.
#arthur’s mind in this moment (probably)#‘what the fuck is a stab with a magical sword anyway’#‘let me kiss merlin’#‘let’s smooch’#‘let’s go back to camelot and copulate’#‘why haven’t i done this before i mean WHATEVER I’M JUST DYING SO’#‘let’s make the best of my last few moments AM I RIGHT FELLAS’#‘come on merlin one small peck coME HERE’#and merlin’s thoughts (probably):#‘if you die without kissing me i will sentence you to death’#‘no hesitation’#‘put those pretty lips on minE COME ON ARTHIE’#merlin’s thought as he waits for arthur’s return (probably)#‘i’ll kill him again. what the fuck does thank you even mean’#‘bro be for real we’re just gay’#‘we were supposed to bed each other and you died in my arms instead’#‘pretty dramatic if you ask me’#if you didn’t notice i’m going insane#merthur#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#i’ll probably delete it later because i don’t feel that sure about it but i wanted a laugh#i made this out of desperation for the finale since i finished my rewatch#please send help
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Dad always said I was like him
Meijack and Chilchuck Tims Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui
^ 1: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 2: Bug like an angel, Mitski / 3: Woodtangle, Mary Ruefle / 4: The Third Hour of the Night, Frank Bidart / 5 & 6: FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK,", Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 7: Batman: Year Three (1989) / 8 & 9 : FROM THE MAKERS OF […], Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 10: Wilt, CJ the X / 11: How Do We Forgive Our Fathers, Dick Lourie / 12: Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur / 13: And My Father's Love Was Nothing Next To God's Will, Amatullah Bourdon / 14: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 15: Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong, Ocean Vuong / 16: untitled, Joan Tierney v 17: Drunk, The Living Tombstone / 18: unknown
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it, and still you stand next to your mother just as silent and just as stoic as her during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight, out of mind. And he’s never really been there, even when he was there, after all.
#It’s ok they do get in touch again and he prob at least lives to 40#Alright I’m ready to be normal about chilchuck again#Spoilers#I guess?#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meijack#chilchuck’s family#meijack chils#Web weaving#alcoholism#cw alcohol#webweave#A couple more i liked are like a rearview mirror we’re not as close as we appear line and this french one from#Kristina Gauthier-Landry that goes like hands full of trout running up to you / look what i caught look / how much you love me#And this other one about chocolate coins that a dad arriving from work in middle of the night gives the happy little daughter running up#And it’s so anticlimatic and about transactional relationships and oughh ough it’s a good book#I am Chil is a complex absentee father truther sorry. Idc go see my analyses if you want don’t argue w me here#posts for which i am the target audience#Oh oh another one : So were we close? Or was it just the big things that held us together and the small things that let us fall apart?#The word father rotted in my mouth#Bc it’s left there to rot get it get it………..#Sigh. Like father alike daughter#I’m a truther that she’s more like her mom demeanor wise
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and this is the drawing you would have gotten if cute won the vote! what if they were creatures. but tiny.
#qsmp#rose duo#jaiden animations#cellbit#my art#what if. we were little critters and we were so small we had to hide from the rain under a leaf. and we were best friends
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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M'lady, doth this harlot bother thee?
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#yu ziyuan#wang lingjiao#jinzhu#yinzhu#I just want to take a moment to shine a spotlight on YZY's maids.#I fully admit to forgetting about them until I was looking up female characters in mdzs for the Six AU and saw their names.#For characters who play a small role in the story I sure do rotate the little morsels of info we know about them in my head.#We know they came from the Yu sect along with YZY and described as 'young women' so did they likely were young when they left#And we know that YZY favours them immensely (to the point she lets them speak a lot more freely than she does her own children)#And they in turn are extremely loyal to herand very skilled fighters.#So what's up with that dynamic? Who are they to her? Who are they to each other? Who are they as individuals?#My theory is that they were initially servant girls YZY took in and trained (hence the whip proficiency)#I also very much love the idea of this double standard; that YZY has these surrogate 'children' she favours over her own#to shadow JFM's affection for WWX (child who is not his own).#Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli just keep losing!!!#Anyways I just think we should hoist jinzhu and yinzhu up more. I think they have minor character swag and potential.
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Surrogate parents / Tristan's return 05.03
#ACGAS#All Creatures Great and Small#ACGAS 2020#Audrey Hall#Tristan Farnon#Siegfried Farnon#Skeldale family#the tension in this episode was killing me#although we knew that Tris would be back I was holding my breath#credit to Sam and Anna#such a good homecoming for Tristan#and the hugs were so missed#as was he#Just look at how worried they are and how happy and relieved he his back
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I read this fic in which Jason tried to fall asleep, but he was thinking too much about his father, so when he starts counting sheep, they had bat cowls. I had to draw Jason falling asleep by counting batsheep.
#jason todd#red hood#batman#batfam#fanart#dc comics#my art#traditional art#watercolor#colored pencil#I'm working on a big piece so that's why y'all are only getting small drawings#also we were hit by a heatwave this week it was unlivable
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im —probably— autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#—if i did have it— i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasper’s posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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NGL I have STRONG opinions about digital releases omitting the letters to the editor section of older comics. I feel like the letters are a part of comic history and should be aggressively preserved.
#look i was a weirdo and loved the letters so much#so much#so fucking damn much#i still to this day mourn that we don't have them#sometimes the editors would publish blatant aggressive criticism and promise to do better on some things#it was rare but it did happen in a handful of things involving stereotypes#also there is queer history in them such as in superboy and the ravers where people wrote in about hero#asking WHY he was not interested in women and this editor had to so professionally explain that he was GAY and where they stood on it#you also got to read queer readers writing in about these queer characters and the JOY in their words is priceless#also sorry but geoff's letters are fun and stupid at the same time and are a huge insight to what his hcs were#he LOVED tiny krypto so much it likely inspired him making dex starr bc he loved the idea of a small overly powered animal#not saying that was the main reason why ofc but it is interesting that he created dex after praising that mean little mutt#i say with the most love#my venting#my rambles
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