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demonslayedher · 4 years ago

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Your content on Kny is interesting, being a Kny fan I would like to share a cusiority. During the final battle did you notice that the Hashira were passive about the death of some? When Shinobu died only Tanjiro had a reaction because of how busy he was; Mitsuri didn't seem sad and when Iguro remembered who died in the middle of the final battle he didn't even mention her. What did you think? It would have been nice if Gotouge had shown us what the Hashira's thought when the others died

[cont.] I'm the anonymous person who asked you the question about the Hashira who fell in the fight, Tumblr makes people write very little. Apart from Tanjiro they seemed cold to me, even for Tokito; the only one affected was Himejima; when always Iguro mentioned him during the clash with Muzan it was like he was thinking normally. There wasn't time to mourn for the dead but I was expecting a slightly deeper reaction. Anyway for Shinobu yes there was Inosuke and Kanao but the pillars are important too

Thank you for the Ask, time to get into it! This served as a good excuse to flip back through of a lot of the later volumes... or rather, a huge chunk of the series. Short Answer: I don’t think Mitsuri knew about Shinobu’s death. Longer Answer: A walk-through of the Pillars’ situations in the final showdown and a partial analysis of Kimetsu-style story pacing.

Disclaimer: I finished this around 2am. I chose to leave it rambling and unedited and typo-ridden. HAVE MY FEELS, I’M DISHING THEM.

(Disclaimer: This isn’t meant to be a plug for my own fics, but since they are born out of my emotional experience of canon, mentions will make their way in. U fu fu.) First, absolutely yes on there being no time to mourn. From the moment the Ubuyashiki Mansion blows up in volume 16 to the actual end of the fighting in volume 23, that is one hell of a night; this final arc(s) had NO CHILL. Like, wow. It’s been a long time since I followed another battle-driven manga, but that seems like a lot, especially for a relatively short series. And I was initially happy to dismiss all the lack of satisfying sadness as being due to the fact that they are in *PANIC MODE* and entirely focused on fighting, but that is also not necessarily the case; they do come off slightly cold. I want to touch a bit on what we want to see the characters mourn each other, but also why I think it works out a bit better that we didn’t; from a purely narrative standpoint. LET THEM BE SAD: Parasocial Needs Science says we form bonds with fictional characters that affect our brains in very similar and impactful ways, so our feelings are legit when they get killed off. It affects us like a breakup or other goodbye and makes us crave closure. As for my own assumptions, we look for proxy characters in-universe to give those characters we love the attention we wish to; their sadness validates our sadness, watching them get emotional can be super cathartic, and a good mourning arc can provide satisfying closure. This is something we got with Rengoku, canonically loved by like, everyone. Hell, even the guy who killed him was sad. Just to rub salt into it, the most recent fanbook that includes a section about how the Pillars see each other, and it drives home that even if we never saw much or any canon interaction between him and any other given character, they’re all like, “Oh yeah, Rengoku, he’s a great guy.” And, he’s the only character we really get space to mourn, pacing-wise. First, because of when it happens in the plot, this gives the story time to show us each and everyone one of the Pillars hearing the news; it gives them times to process it (which Tokitou clearly needed), and most of us, it takes us in depth through how it affects Tanjirou, our main character whose emotions that we, the readers, are most in touch with. Rengoku got star treatment in the way he was mourned, and we readers get to lap that up. So then when we don’t get that in-universe star mourning treatment, it does feel a bit jarring by comparison. Gotouge did say she was sorry to hurt everyone, but these are the conditions the little humans were up against all along and a point driven home again and again; even with power on par with demons through the attainment of a mark; even Pillars are just breakable humans who will never be able to regenerate like demons can, hence why their stakes are so much higher in every battle they go into. Furthermore, the Pillars are more ready for this than anyone else, they of all the characters would be the best at keeping their emotions in check in the heat of a battle. Which means they had to keep them in check for seven volumes of near constant battle, love it or hate it. KIMETSU LOGIC: The Writing Sins That Make This Manga What It Is I could go on and on and on and on about the writing sins this manga commits and how it shows that it’s Gotouge’s first time writing something of this length. In manga not all of it can be blamed on the author alone because the editors have a very significant influence, but yeah, this is not the most amazingly crafted story out there, by a long shot. Would I change any of it, though? Well, a few things, yes, of course, out of personal preference. But on the whole, no. It’s the collective errors that stamp KnY with its style and make it what it is, and I find it as endearing as all the randomly super goofy art. Now, when it comes to the lack of Pillars reacting to new of each others’ deaths, I wouldn’t necessarily classify that itself as a fault, and if I were Gotouge’s editor, I probably would have encouraged her to keep it to a minimum too. After all, I would be considered with selling a new shot of tension with every week’s installment to keep any readers from getting bored with the constant battle. And dang it, THAT TENSION WAS HIGH, those battles were remarkably emotional and tense through and through. The breaks in tension that we got were necessarily and not distracting, with the notable exception of Iguro’s past. That was clumsy placement. I’ll be honest, I didn’t bond with Iguro as much as a character because he lost his earlier chances to be appealing to me, and by the time the chapter with his flashback came out, I DIDN’T CARE, I waited anxiously all week to see what was happening to Tanjiro and was invested enough to have an appetite for the additional Sumiyoshi and Yoriichi bits, but dang it, Snake Pillar was getting in the way of what my emotions were primed for at that point. But, such is the way of fickle weekly readers; with THAT MUCH tension going on, readers crave a little breather here and there with a look at who else might taking in a breather in a flashback. We got bits and pieces of that mostly through flashback, like Tamayo’s memories of conversation with Shinobu experienced in real time through Muzan, as well as in-real-time moments with the characters having very slight chances to catch their breath (no pun intended). But, how well those breaths worked depending on each character, and how the readers’ emotions were getting slammed week to week. Just like how I as a weekly reader (by that point) had no appetite for an Iguro flashback while eager to move forward, there likewise would have been limited appetite for mourning, and we’re stuck with who we got as proxy characters to react through. ACTION, REACTION: The Rhythm of Basic Writing Advice It has often been said that in writing, something should happen in a scene, and the next scene should be a reaction to it. In the next scene something new happens, and likewise, there is a reaction. We could also thing of this as stages within the same scene, like the part when the music changes or the moment the battle has ended but we’re still on the battlefield. In Rengoku’s case, we got one big happening, and then a whole lot of reaction drizzled through the story after that. In the Infinity Fortress case, we get a big happening with the Ubuyashiki Mansion blowing up and then--a big happening!--a big happening!--a big happening--! A--uh oh, there’s a reactio---NEVERMIND, THINGS ARE STILL HAPPENING, GOTOUGE, PLEASE, THIS HURTS, OW, OW, HOW ARE YOU SO CRUEL, WE GET IT, THIS SITUATION IS AWFUL, PLEASE STOP HURTING THEM---

The reactions are there, scattered throughout. They’re short, but they sure make themselves count. While Tanjirou is our Empathy Personified hero, it’s natural that we get more of his reactions, but the lack of them in other characters is, I would say, a natural fault of having a huge cast to work with it. Once you start dragging too many other characters into the reactions, the actions have trouble moving forward, and with the level of seven volumes worth of tension it’s the actions that keep readers hooked and buying magazines. THEY’RE ONLY CORVIDS, OK: Now We’re Actually Looking At Canon Details Now that all being said, although it’s easy to dismiss a lot of Kimetsu Logic as amateurish at first, on further reflection, the little worldbuilding logic does excuse itself for not plunging each of the characters into a period of reaction to actions happening elsewhere. Not all the birds had Yushiro’s papers. Not all birds were created equal. It’s really hard to navigate that place. Ergo, communication was probably highly imperfect; not all the crows knew everything going on. We don’t feel that as readers because we’re seeing Kiriya and his sisters get all the available communications. In Iguro and Mitsuri’s case in particular, I suspect that might not even had been Mitsuri’s crow (as that one has a distinct personality and accessory) giving her orders to gather where Muzan is. It was probably any old down-to-business crow working with the information it had as clearly as it could in the battle that was most difficult to physically navigate. If Mitsuri’s crow (named Urara in the most recent fanbook) had been there, I imagine she’d have been having difficulty that whole time to even stay within a close range of that battle. Furthermore, a crow like that with a strong bond with Mitsuri might had also judged that telling her about Shinobu’s death was a dangerous distraction, and chosen to withhold information. The fanbook specifies that Iguro’s crow Yuuan was the one who told him about how Tokitou got a red blade (in fact, this is basically the only thing said of this crow besides its name and gender). To able to report in such detail that Iguro could analyze that Tokitou attained the red blade by the strength of his grip, that probably quite an accomplishment to have either witnessed that much, or to pass on crucial information that detailed and quickly. At that time, Iguro and Mitsuri were physically separated and she was distracted by the crow giving her orders to gather where Muzan was, so she might not even have overheard that Tokitou had died. As for Iguro, the second fanbook tells us that because Tokitou was young he had hoped he wouldn’t die. There was no opportunity to mourn him, and they weren’t close enough for that to throw him off much from battle, but on a Pillar to Pillar level, I think the amount of thought Iguro did dedicated to Tokitou showed a certain level of esteem for him and regret at this passing. What would have been nice? Maybe a little look over his shoulder to Mitsuri like “I hope she didn’t hear that.” That would have revealed a tender side of Iguro in a very short use of panels. I want to come back to analyzing Mitsuri’s reaction later, so let’s keep focusing on the loss of Tokitou. Once he attained more of his sense of self back, it seems he preferred the company of Corp Members closed to him in age (if we go by his little flashbacks, which in true Kimetsu Logic, are things we didn’t know about until they come up in flashbacks). Most of the Pillars weren’t especially close with him, even if they did care about his wellbeing, as they seemed particular aware of how young he was. Sanemi probably had never interacted much with Tokitou until that battle, and *OKAY, HERE IT IS, THE UPCOMING FANFIC SELF-PLUG* one of the things I really liked working with in my post-canon fic is that there’s a point at which thinking about Tokitou forces Sanemi to deal with all the trauma he’s buried from that battle. I figure it would hit him later; he had a good excuse of a distraction. Ugh. Man. My heart hurts again thinking of that chapter. Let’s also not forget, after Himejima showed his respects for Tokitou both quickly and sincerely, he couldn’t allow Sanemi to deal with Genya’s death until after everything was over. All the Pillars had to think like this. What would had been nice? I liked this reaction scene to two simultaneous and horrific deaths exactly as it was. Ow. Ahhhh. Owwwwww, it’s hurting again. This is catharsis exactly the way I like it. Let’s keep going with Himejima, the only one to have known to expect all this, and who stayed ready and likely hoped to bring down Muzan all by himself without any other sacrifices (welp, so much for that). There’s a scene in the novels that implies he had some idea that Shinobu wasn’t intending to make it out of the upcoming battle(s) alive, and I imagine he felt the same regret and bitter acceptance in advance that he also felt with Ubuyashiki. If we heard the news about Shinobu like Tanjirou and Giyuu did, I imagine he was hurt but it wouldn’t have been noticeable, and he probably would not be surprised even at how quickly it happened. What would had been nice? Anything. Just a “How pitiful” and some tears as he runs through the halls woulda’ been great. So since Giyuu did hear it loud and clear with Tanjirou, I first want to point out that whether that was Tanjirou’s crow or not (might not had been, because his crow was busy with a letter delivery from Senjurou at the time too), that crow must had loved to shared details; maybe even details that were not necessary. Like, would telling the lower level Corp members everything really help? Wouldn’t the loss of each Pillar make them lose their nerve? Was it because that crow was wearing one of Yushiro’s papers that it had to report extra detail for Ubuyashiki HQ? Whatever the case, Giyuu is initially shocked about Shinobu and then is like, “what is that paper the crow has? It sure is reporting things fast.” What would have been nice? ANYTHING MORE THAN ONE PANEL OF SHOCK. Come on, Giyuu, give the GiyuuShino shippers S O M E T H I N G. Granted, if Tanjirou had been killed in battle with Akaza, I believe Giyuu would have had an initial outburst of emotion, but then gotten himself under control real quick and stayed that way until it was safe to break down (which he did immediately later on, since the threat was gone--but he was just as soon picking up a sword and stabbing him, so again, Pillar-mode must come before experiencing emotions). I interpret canon as that even though Giyuu might had found it easily to address Shinobu in conversation due to frequency in how much they had conversed and the fact that she would usually talk to him first, he would never had considered himself especially close with her (since he never saw himself close with any of the Pillars). I feel their relationship had potential to grow closer if Giyuu had actually gone out of his way to communicate more with her, and he probably would had if they both survived, but at the time she died he probably still felt a distance, which is why it did him harder when Tanjirou--someone who Giyuu did actually get to a point of enjoying conversation with--was dead right in front of him. (Side not, oh man, OH MAN, being a weekly reader was so tough then. I still have so many emotions from that week. Oh man. Oof. Ouch.)

Of note, Giyuu had the best opportunity for reflection on a comrade’s death since he had enough recovery time once he woke up to build a fire and treat wounds, and Tanjirou took that chance to read a letter.

What would have been nice? AGAIN, GIYUU, ANYTHING, but after that battle I think he deserved to disassociate a bit. Also of note, I don’t know that they had complete information either, because NO ONE (by “no one” I mean Tanjirou and Inosuke) seemed to hear anything about Zenitsu single-handedly killing Upper Moon Six and surviving it. What would had been nice: “Good for you, Zenitsu, I hope you’re okay” or “Six? Again? Didn’t we already do that? There was a third??” or “well I got Upper Moon Two SO THERE” or “..........are you sure?” or even way, way after all is said and done, off in epilogue times, “you fought WHO by YOURSELF???” but I digress. Now back to Shinobu, losing her so early on in this marathon of high-stakes battles made her death seem forever ago by the time we got to another Pillar death. It would had been nice for more of them to react both with “no, not Shinobu!” and “we are in deep trouble” sort of ways. That made the glimpses we got of her in flashback feel way, way more nostalgic, since for our experiences as readers, she had already been gone a very long time. I like that the battle with Douma got stretched over so long a span of the manga, they really showed the stakes in how difficult of a foe he was, even if that battle was itself was relatively shorter than others. And as stand-ins for the readers to mourn Shinobu, I love how we got that both through Kanao and through Inosuke. But yes, it sure would had been nice to get something from... Mitsuri. Now, if I had only read the events of canon, manga chapter to manga chapter, and even the Taisho Secrets, I still never would have guessed that Shinobu and Mitsuri had such a warm friendship. I know this purely from the fanbooks and novels, and that is something I find a writing error that detracts a lot from the work. Some of the most apt criticism I’ve heard of the Kimetsu pacing is that it could have stood to give us one of more arc to bond with the characters at least a little more, so we could really, really be emotional over loosing them. We get all our spare Pillar interactions in works outside of canon and after Tanjirou initially gets to know Shinobu, he has no more on-screen interactions with her; she mostly appears in Taisho Secrets. Pillar Training was fun and all, but maybe another arc with stakes in it that occurs closer to home and brings out some different sides of the Pillars in Tanjirou’s presence, instead of each of them getting one dance each with our protagonist. That would had been a chance to show Shinobu and Mitsuri’s friendship, in which case, we would had really, really wanted to see Mitsuri’s reaction. But, Mitsuri had a job to do in the very, very, very heavy tension and battles that ran in weekly magazines for months on end. She carried the very heavy weight of needing to provide brevity. Her silliness contrasted against all that tension was fresh air for readers who had been holding their breath (no pun intended! kinda) through so much. And man, our reliance on her for that made it hurt all the more when things suddenly got very serious for her. But, that means she was also unable to play a heavy emotional role too early on. There wasn’t room to give her a satisfyingly emotional reaction to Shinobu or Tokitou; when after all, this is the girl who was fretting about dearly beloved Oyakata-sama, was horrified to see the explosion, angirly attacked Muzan, but was saved from certain doom almost immediately after she was taken by surprise in the Infinity Fortress, and then she’s BACK TO 100% FANGIRL MODE. Like, giiiiiiiiiirl, Oyakata-sama just diiiiiiied, tone it down a notch. I feel like I had more to say. OH YEAH. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?: To fanfic, duh. Going back to reaction and action and producing something with sellable pacing, again, I wouldn’t risk bogging down the tension-heavy final arc with too much open sadness (less is more definitely applies when the reaction scenes were often SO GOOD), but it clearly set up the desire for it. And, the length and intensity with which a work of fiction can live rent-free in audiences’ minds is a measure of its success. If we MUST turn to fanfiction to get that emotional closure (or force the Pillars to get theirs), then this is proof of a job well done in making us care. Herein lies the freedom with fanfiction: It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t have to sell. It doesn’t have to fit a regular serialized format. Fanfic is whatever it wants, all it has to do is indulgently scratch an itch. I have way more stomach for sappiness in fanfic than in original canon, because I have higher expectations of canon to honor writing conventions, and to make decisions that will serve the overall story, not necessarily cater to my tastes. But fanfic? Fanfic, you are here to serve me. Dive into those characters’ dry eyes with a jackhammer and gives me their tears. I don’t care how much you have to fry their brains to do it, give it to me. I mean, I don’t write fanfic like that, noooo. At least, not that I post publicly. Ssh. No one needs to know aaaaaall my particular canon itches I wish to have picked raw. But all the more power to people who DO post that publicly and provide a great service to all the other people with that same need. But, in the spirit of writing fic that tries to honor the spirit of canon, I try to sprinkle the juicy emotional potential canon could have had around as needed, to draw out what I feel canon just didn’t have the opportunity to give us. It’s ultimately self-servicing for what I wish canon would had done, but my style of published fic does try to stay widely appealing as a gen fic. Everybody’s got their own balances and tastes, and that’s cool. And that is freedom canon authors don’t have. I’ll conclude by saying that, although we as readers collectively earned it, the ending of Kimetsu no Yaiba was too bright and happy and specifically chose bittersweet moments that would be easy to swallow (pretty smart for a quick ending), but entirely skipped all the really heavy stuff in the immediate aftermath.

And yes, as difficult (and even dull) as it would be to slog through, there’s a part of me that wants to see all that, for the sake of closure.

And now I sleep byyyyezzzzzzzzz

#KnY fandom theories and meta #KnY Spoilers #tw death #KnY nerdery #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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myboipracticallyimagines · 4 years ago

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Right Beside Me - The Doctor x Reader

Prompt: The Doctor ages from 9-13 and reader must deal with the toll of change and loss. Reader goes through the many regenerations of the Doctor.

You first knew the Doctor on his ninth body, more or less that is, but he preferred ninth. You were beside him the day he turned into his tenth self. It was shocking, and heartbreaking, and left you lonely in a way you’d never felt before. The man you had grown to trust, one might even go as far as to say love, had transformed almost completely, leaving you longing for someone who was still sitting right beside you.

The aches in your chest slowly ceased as you came to the realization that he was still your Doctor. The way he always made sure you were safe first in a dangerous situation never faltered. The way he looked at you when he was sure you weren’t paying attention was still there. He was still your beautiful, loving Doctor.

It was on this face you told him you loved him.

You had just returned to the TARDIS after the events on the way to Midnight. Donna had already retired to bed and you were left alone with the Doctor. You sat on the floor, back resting against the railing. The Doctor sat with his back to the console, clearly shaken as well. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he finally said, eyes still yet to meet yours. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more. I wish I would’ve done more but I felt so powerless.” “It’s not your fault. There is nothing you could’ve done to change what they had already decided.”

“I thought I was going to lose you,” your voice shook as you uttered what had now become your greatest fear. “I was so scared, Doctor.” “Hey, come here,” the Doctor soothed you, moving to sit beside you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, allowing you to push yourself into his side. He had removed his suit jacket and you could feel the warmth of his skin under his thin white shirt.

Maybe it was the fear of losing him, or maybe it was just the stray adrenaline left in your veins, but something in you snapped. “I love you, Doctor. I don’t want to lose you.” “I wish I could give you everything you want, but I can’t. It’ll hurt you to love me. I’m not like you - you already know that.” “I do.” You were both quiet, but only for a moment. “I’d rather be hurt by you than be loved by anyone else.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but it carried the weight of an anchor. “I couldn’t do that to you.” “Doctor, you’re hurting me more by pushing me away. I’ve loved two of you now and I’ll love how ever many more I can. I wish my life was more than a small blip in time to you. I wish you would open yourself up to someone. You’re so alone, Doctor. I can see it when you think no one is watching.” “You will age and I will not. It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever endured.” “Please for once in your life stop being sensible and kiss me.”

And he did. You didn’t know which one of you it surprised more, but your bet was on him. He grabbed you with a ferocity you had only seen on the worst of occasions. His moves were sloppy, but deliberate, showing a side of him that he had never shown you before. Never had you seen the doctor so uncalculated and free. You matched your energy to his, easily returning his passion.

It was easy to love the Doctor. He was caring and kind, always leaving the world better than he found it. Or at least, he tried to.

His last weeks on his tenth face were hard, to say the least. It started on Mars and only got worse from there. You could see it chipping at him, making him more irritable, to the point that he wouldn’t even want to be near you. Everything came to a climax when the Doctor defeated the Master. The finality of the situation allowed you to relax for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

It was over. All of the Masters were gone, leaving only the Doctor. A bloodied and bruised Doctor, but him nonetheless. You were trapped inside of a cage, only a glass one, thankfully. Your fingers tapped against the glass, trying to draw his attention to you. He needed medical attention and a lot of rest and the sooner you got off of this planet the better.

He slowly stood, eyes locking with yours. “You did it, love. I’m so proud of you.” You smiled, pressing your hands to the glass. “Help me get out and lets go home.” You don’t know when you started calling the TARDIS ‘home’, but at some point it became the truth. He walked towards you. “The Master left the nuclear bomb going. It’s gone into overload.” Your stomach sank. It was over. It was just over. Of course things didn’t end perfectly, they rarely did. “That’s not good, is it?” you ask, your voice beginning to get choppy as you fought back tears. “No, all the excess radiation gets vented into there,” he says, nodding his head to the glass tank you were still encompassed in. The Doctor would never leave you in a situation like this. His face was contemplative, sad even. You wipe your tears away quickly. “You can’t let me out, can you?” “It’s gone critical. Touch one control and it floods.” He pulls his sonic from his pocket, twirling it around in his fingers. “Even this would set it off.”

A sob forces its way through your throat. You press your hand harder to the glass, desperate for the closeness of the man you loved. He obliged, pressing his own hands on the other side. “Please leave me. I don’t want you to see it, Doctor.” He draws in a sharp breath, “Oh, right then, I will,” he says, walking in only a circle to return right in front of you. “Because you had to go in there, didn’t you?” Anger now mixed with his sadness. “You had to go and get stuck. Because that’s who you are,” his voice cracks, looking you in the eyes once more. The anger in his voice has passed, leaving him looking smaller than you’ve ever seen him before. “Please leave me, Doctor,” you cried out. “We always knew that I’d die before you anyway,” you said with a small laugh. It was all you could do to keep from crying. “Of course we did. Look at you, not remotely important!” He walked another few steps away before turning again. “But, me? I could do so much more!” He was no longer speaking to just you, maybe he never had been. He screamed at the sky, the way a child screams at their parent when they know they are being unreasonable. “So much more!” He drops, using a table as leverage. You want nothing more than to hold him as he shakily says, “But this is what I get. My reward.” His voice jumps again, rising with intensity as he shoves the contents of the desk onto the floor. “It’s not fair!”

He calms, his eyes finally meeting with yours. His eyes melted, showing the fear truly inside of him. You ache to console the Time Lord as he stood in front of you, body shaking as he tried to calm himself down. Slowly, he began moving towards you once more. “I’ve lived too long.” “Please don’t. Whatever you’re about to do - stop it,” you beg. You remembered his first regeneration and how it crushed you. You knew that it would be even harder now that you had fallen even farther in love with this form of himself. “Doctor, please stop.” He stopped in front of the door, pressing his hand against yours through the glass once more. “I love you.”

He quickly opened his door, slipping in and leaving you just enough time to slip out before the radiation poured in. The tank turned red, illuminating his skin in a way that caused him to look non-human. He groaned in pain, sinking to the floor. You knelt beside him, telling him every reassuring word you could think of, aching to soothe his pain. His body curled into a ball, in the fetal position. It was the most vulnerable you had ever seen the Time Lord. You cried out to him, feeling the pain that he was going through in your own chest.

Not long after, it was over. The lights returned to normal and his screaming stopped. He stood, opening the door and simply stepping out. “Is that it?” you asked, knowing that it was too good to be true. His face remained unchanged, still the Doctor you loved. “No. I’m going to change,” he said solemnly.

That night he gave you instructions on how to drive the TARDIS. He knew that this wouldn’t be the last regeneration you saw and wanted you to be safe when the time came. You parked down at a safe location, hopeful that no one would bother you.

That night he regenerated, causing the death of the man you fell in love with. But, you didn’t fall in love with a man, you fell in love with the Doctor. Your heart grew fond of the new face of your love. He was goofier and much stranger than his tenth form. But, in those few moments where the world fell around him, he was harsher than him. His soft edges masked the true sharpness of the man, making the shift even more alarming.

You had forgotten how much his demeanor changed when he first regenerated. Everything was brand new and you had to fall in love again with not only a new face, but parts of a new man. His physicality was not the only change. There were days that you missed how easy it was to be with his last regeneration. Everything was smooth and you could sense his reactions almost as quick as he could.

His eleventh form was a bit harder to learn, but you found yourself deep in love once more. Before you realized it you were used to the face you were waking up beside. You no longer had the jolt of confusion that you had when he first changed. All you felt as your eyes slowly focused on him was love. “Good morning,” you’d whisper as he looked over at you, a blissful smile present on his sleepy face. “Good morning, darling,” he’d reply, brushing his hand through your hair. It was nice to have a calm moment together before you got into whatever antics came along with traveling with the Doctor.��

You enjoyed those adventures until your last, kissing him goodbye once more and waiting for his next form. It was hard and painful, but you did it again.

And again.

The Doctor was hunched over the console, clearly still feeling the effects of the new regeneration. He would need rest and lots of it. You had been through this three times prior, and were able to help him come out mostly unscathed. The Doctor stood, allowing you to finally see his new reincarnation. It took you a few moments to comprehend that this new face was that of a woman. “Oh,” you simply said, digesting the new form. “Am I ginger?” she asked, her face lit up. When she smiled you could see the resemblance to her tenth face. Every regeneration, this one a little more so, startled you slightly. Even with your many years of loving the different forms of the Doctor, it was easy to shut down at a new regeneration. It normally took about a week for you to fully warm up to the new face, but it always happened. You smiled. “No, blonde, and also female,” you said, pulling out the console mirror.

“Blimey, never been one of those before,” she said, examining herself fully. “On another note, I believe I’m about to have a surge.” You knew that was your cue to retreat to your bedroom, and you did. You would often wait here for a day while the TARDIS was already parked at a decidedly safe location.

Like every regeneration, the Doctor found herself in immense trouble, before consequently working herself out of it. Once the days of strife had settled, you thought that you could afford a day to relax. When you woke up, she was already out of bed, sitting on the couch in the corner, seemingly unaware that you had woken up. “I thought we agreed on a lie-in, love,” you said, hoping to draw her back into bed for however long you could. “Are you still happy?” her voice traveled in a straight line, more contemplative than accusatory. “Of course I am, besides almost being caught on fire on that last planet. Why do you ask?” You shuffled to the couch, sitting cross-legged beside her. “I’ve been through four changes with you now. No one has ever lasted this long.” Your fingers slid up her jaw, resting on her cheek. Her eyes meet yours as she lets out a small huff, waiting for your answer. “I’ve been with four of you, and I plan to be with as many more as I’m able to. I love you and each new day I spend with you is a gift in of itself.” She smiles, your answer suffice for the time being. “Then let’s get going.”

#nine x reader #ten x reader #eleven x reader #thirteen x reader #the doctor x reader #doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #doctor who imagine #the doctor imagine #nine imagine

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shebeafancyflapjack · 4 years ago

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Defrosting Grumpy Three (a Season 8 meta)

I keep thinking about how Season 8 of Classic Who is almost like the first one the show has to a ‘season long arc’ that I don’t feel gets talked about enough. Obviously everyone knows it as “the one where the Master is in every story” but I feel like there is a subtle character arc for the Doctor in this season as well which is tied to the two main characters introduced in the first episode; the Master and Jo Grant.

I’m not the first one to point out that out of Three’s five seasons; this is the one where he’s at his most grumpy and short-tempered. I know a lot of people point to this season as reasons for why they don’t like Three and I totally get that, he’s a real git sometimes, in particular the first and last stories. There are moments where he’s asking for a slap and, no, I’m not talking about him claiming to be buddies with Chairman Mao and a Tory MP. Because I would’ve thought it was obvious that he drops those names purely to gain trust of these people who don’t trust him (at least that’s my headcanon because it doesn’t fit with the anti-capitalist, anti-pollution, anti-imperialist writing). Just him being constantly ungrateful to the Brigadier, snapping at Jo, or just being childish in the most ‘kid throwing a tantrum’ way possible.

But it’s easy to get why. By Season 8 he’s been trapped on Earth for we can assume at least a year. New Who fans who’ve seen the Power of Three and saw how crazy Eleven went when he tried to stay on Earth to study the cubes just for a few days/weeks know the Doctor can’t stand staying still, especially in one time and place. In his first season he could be short-tempered but slightly less so. In Spearhead he’s quite polite and motivated, though that could be the most pleasant form of Post Regeneration Trauma he’s been through. Plus he had Liz, who you can see he immediately clicked with. A fellow genius who finds herself out of place or treated a little unfairly as a female scientist surrounded by men, both of them willing to sass the Brigadier when he deserves it. He also still keeps trying to fix the TARDIS, as if convinced this won’t be as permanent as the Time Lords intended.

But by Season 8 (or you could say even before that, in Inferno) his attempts clearly haven’t succeeded past slipping into a terrifying parallel universe, and now cabin fever is setting in. And Liz, his science bud, has gone off and left. And while it’s sad we didn’t get a goodbye between the two of them, her passing remark towards the Brigadier about the Doctor just needing someone to pass him test tubes and fill his praise kink maybe implies that, at least from Liz’ POV, they weren’t as equals as Three thought, or she didn’t feel that fulfilled working with him, even if she did appreciate him as a friend.

So enter Jo to replace Liz, who is everything Liz wasn’t. Liz had to study and work her way to her position; Jo is a spoiled girl who got to play spy by sheer nepotism. She failed A level science and doesn’t have the same sharp-wit he and Liz shared. Three is mean to her even before she introduces herself as his assistant when she only tries to help, and doesn’t hide his disappointment when she tells him. Perhaps it might also be that she reminds him of his companions before Liz; she’s cute and perky like Zoe and also loyal and determined like Jamie, even though she lacks Jamie’s physical strength and Zoe’s genius. Still, she’s young and he might not want to put her in danger the same way he nearly lost his previous young companions many times in the War Games.

When Three goes to the Brigadier to try to get rid of Jo, the Brig is far more smug than in the previous season, as he seems to have worked the Doctor out by this point. Their little moment at the end of Inferno where Three insults him and tries to escape only to then come back with his tail between his legs acting all buddy has shown him who Three really is; that this whole grumpy shtick of this is just a defence mechanism while he’s so out of his depth. I like to think the Brig hoped Jo would soften him up, to bring out the compassion that was more overt in his previous incarnation, as well as just pass him test tubes and keep tabs on him. His knowing smile when he watches Three try and fail miserably to fire her seems to prove his point.

In the same story we also have the Master showing up for the very first time. He was created to be the ‘Moriarty to the Doctor’s Holmes’. These kind of ‘foil enemies’ that pop up in so many stories, where you have a villain who is supposed to be a perfect match in intelligence or skill to the hero, are more often than not presented as ‘what the hero could have been’ if they chose to be evil rather than good; the Master is no different. And even though it’s not established until the next season that the Doctor and Master used to be friends, there’s clearly an underlining fondness in their banter which hints at past feelings as well as mutual respect. It says quite a lot that Three is more relaxed and friendly during his conversations with the Master half the time they talk than he is with the humans he’s meant to be saving, or even his own close friends. Because, for all their moral disagreements, the Master is his own kind and his only link - other than his broken TARDIS - to the rest of the Universe.

In almost every story of S8, after the Master has revealed his evil scheme only for the Doctor to point out how it will backfire on him, they have to work together or form some kind of alliance of convenience. In Claws of Axos, the Doctor outright pretends to betray his friends and elope join forces with the Master to escape, only for it to be a trick in order to defeat the Axons. But considering Three’s attitude in this season, it’s a very convincing act as much to the audience as to the humans. And then in Colony in Space, the Master offers the Doctor half-ownership of the Universe....and the Doctor clearly hesitates! Yes, the Master tempts him with the persuasion of ruling ‘in the name of good’ but Three has to take a moment to remember what a slippery slope that line of thinking is. He’s so tired of being trapped, sick of being leashed by the Time Lords, that the Master comes along as a devil on his shoulder at his most vulnerable point. Considering the last story involves the Master summoning the actual Devil (or close enough) and is also where Three’s temper seems to be at its peak seems all too fitting.

It’s also interesting that the Master’s greatest fear that appears in the Mind of Evil is an image of the Doctor laughing maniacally over him. It’s the closest we get to an image of Dark!Three in the show. To contrast; the Doctor’s greatest fear isn’t the Master, it’s the eruption from Inferno. Seeing the Earth swallowed by flame - not because of an outside force like the Daleks or Cybermen, but by humans themselves. It’s easy to imagine him wondering why he even bothers with them when they’re their own worst enemy.

(Side note; apparently the Evil Overlord in the Inferno parallel world IS the Third Doctor, according to the Expanded Universe, though I haven’t read up on this. We were robbed of seeing Pertwee play an evil Doctor.)

So while this is going on and the Master is playing his games with the Doctor while also tempting him, intentionally or not, to the ‘dark side’, we also have Jo at his side. And Jo takes all of the Doctor’s snapping and mood swings like a pro, and is very quickly overwhelmed with a lot of the stuff she’s faced which that she didn’t know she was signing up for - being hypnotised, captured by aliens, taken to alien worlds in the far future etc. She screams as most companions did at that time, but because it is what you would expect from a girl fresh out of school and throwing herself into something she clearly didn’t properly prepare for. The Doctor has to save her a lot, more than often because she tried to help only to get herself captured. As much as he does warm to her - because he’s not immune to how adorable she is - it serves to prove his point. Even when he finally gets to leave Earth for a day, she’s too frightened to want to leave the TARDIS. What good is she to him?

Now she continues to prove she has her uses. She has her escapology skills which get them out of a few tight spots. Depending on the writer, she can turn into an Emma Peel-esque agent capable of self-defence and subterfuge. And she’s always patient with the Doctor, no matter what mood he’s in, and extremely loyal. She’s also kind and compassionate with every side character she comes across. There seems to have been a backlash to these kinds of qualities in female characters in the past twenty years or so, what I like to call the Cinderella critique, where if a woman is kind and generous more so than smart, sassy and sword-wielding she’s seen as ‘weak’. Jo is always there at the Doctor’s side when he’s managed to get hurt or knocked out (Three took a lot of naps, anyone else notice this?). Even after he does whisk her away to another planet and nearly don’t make it back, she could easily throw her job away if it was too much, but she sticks with it because you can see that she wants more than anything to be useful and do good for her world - it would be another two season until she found what her own passion was with being an environmental activist but this is where she wants to start.

But it’s not until the end of S8 that we see Jo’s greatest strength and how it saves Three when every other defence he had was gone. He’s spent most of that story chastising her for believing in magic and superstition, as well as anything else he can find to snap at her for like criticising the Brigadier even though he does the same thing all the damn time (this could be seen as a ‘I can insult my bro but you can’t’ moment but it’s still not pleasant). But when he learns the Master is preparing to sacrifice her, he runs in to save her despite knowing it’s a suicide mission. He also gives a cold exchange to the Master when told he’s a ‘doomed man’.

Oh I’m a dead man! I knew that as soon as I walked through those doors so you better watch out! I have nothing to lose, do I?

It’s a telling line that, behind all his patronising and abruptness, he’s reached a point he doesn’t feel he has anything left to keep going. He’s lost his freedom and his knowledge of time travel; but he’ll die before letting Jo die or letting the Earth burn again. When Azal claims the daemons gave humans knowledge, Three responds: Finally he’s turning his anger on the one who deserves it to save the one who has been his friend, even at his lowest points, for the past several months, while still showing his disappointment in what he’s seen of humans living amongst them:

You gave them knowledge to blow up the world and they most certainly will. They can poison the water and the very air they breathe.

When Azal appears, he nearly makes the Master’s greatest fear come true by offering his power to the Doctor instead. And the Doctor looks horrified, immediately doing a Jon Snow and refusing it. Unlike when the Master offered him power before, he doesn’t hesitate for a moment, even though Azal’s powers could probably get his TARDIS working again in a snap. He looks almost scared at the thought of possessing something like that. Perhaps his dark persona in that other world became that way because he did take such an offer?

Azal prepares to kill the Doctor for refusing his offer, which is where Jo saves the day by offering her life for his. A lot of people dislike this ending for the idea of the villain being destroyed ‘by the power of love’ more or less, but this was a lot less common a deus ex machina as it is in New Who. The Doctor explains how it works when they’re free as:

Azal could not accept a fact as irrational and illogical as Jo being prepared to give up her life for me.

Three says it as he’s just as baffled, if also amused, by it as Azal was. Why would Jo give up her life for him? Compare that with when Ten has to give up his incarnation to save Wilf, how he rants that Wilf isn’t important but he has ‘so much more’ to give. Even the Doctor wrestles when it comes to sacrificing himself for others sometimes but Jo did it without a seconds thought, made even more illogical given Three’s often harsh treatment of her. But one thing that is obvious is that Three’s grumpy face is gone; he’s smiling for the rest of the episode, looking at Jo with quiet heart eyes, and letting her drag him into the maypole dance, conceding that she was right and there is ‘magic’ in the world.

Much like Rose was the companion Nine needed after the Time War to enjoy seeing the Universe again and appreciating life, Jo serves a similar purpose in S8 in that she gradually reminds the Doctor through her actions of the strengths in being brave, kind and selfless. She and the rest of the UNIT family are there to remind him of the goodness in humanity and that we’re always learning and trying to improve; as Three says to Azal that ‘they need a chance to grow up’. Jo is the angel on his shoulder to contrast the Master as his personal devil; right down to having her dressed in the sacrificial ‘virgin’ garb opposite the Satanic Master to cap the season off.

Three still has his sour moments after this but he’s far less cantankerous going forward and sweeter towards Jo especially, praising her bravery and learning in future, just as Jo also grows more confident in her abilities and enjoys her adventures with him. He seems far more relaxed on Earth and less desperate to get away because of the people he has around him that make it worth staying around for. Three’s morals and loyalty to humanity might not have been so firm had Jo not been there to ground him, especially with the Master constantly there almost holding out a hand to him offering freedom and excitement. Like all good companions, she saves the Doctor as much as he has to save her, in more ways than one, which she doesn’t get nearly enough credit for. And it’s what adds to the heartbreak of her eventual exit because of the effect she had on his life.

It’s just one of my favorite tropes when a character gets better and softens or becomes kinder not because they had to ‘change for someone else’ but because they were inspired by them, especially if it’s the person they underestimated the most.

#it's about found family yo #classic who meta #doctor who #third doctor #jo grant #three x jo #the master #unit era

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brilliantfantasticgeronimo · 6 months ago

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the giggle - thoughts and reactions (part 2/2)

obsessed with how much attention donna pays to the recap... ("is all of this true?" well there's some nuances donna but yeah pretty much lol)

"by a bird(????????)" favorite delivery of all time

yoo i saw gifsets of this scene and was sad they skipped 13 era but they DONT skip 13's era dfsklj (And listen im thasmin-truther thru and thru but flux IS more of a proper, affecting trauma than like, the doctor being a fuckboi for the 60th time skdlfjkdl) once again fandom was making a fuss about nothing ugh

the doctor's subtle shift+close-up when it comes to bill's bit in ze recap........... too soon

they contractually needed an scene where nph could show his card-playing magician chops hehe

"i made every opinion supreme. they shout and they type and they cancel. that's the game of the 21st century" ur brain on liberalism/idealist philosophy

"and u know full well we're both elderitch horrors" was such a sexy comeback lol

("doctor, the doctor, fun")

"we can be celestial" ok we didnt need to remember *that* about the toymaker, rtd :/

handmeidens .… interesting insult choice....

"every single one of you is fantastic" iidk mel i have my reservations about twin dilemma!six...

bi-generation is supposed to be a myth ... myht myth myth... EYES EMOJI. BLURRED EYES EMOJI.,!!!!! SALT. THIS ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE OF THE SALT. (screams into the night)

"i think you're beautiful" "*still* beautiful" obsessed w/ it. yes 14 you’re still a beautiful woman probably.

"i’ll have medows of doctors dying over and over again" he’s just a whump fic writer. Let him be. Toymaker just #tag your shit and everything is OK.

HE SHRANK THE GUARDIANS INTO VODOO DOLLS sdlkfjd rip the funky birds!!!!

you loved rose and river AND YAZ!!!!. damn they SHOULD have put yaz there. it would have Worked so damn well with the themes of this special ghgh and would have actually delivered the point that 14 “says things like that now”. And would have connected all the arcs so well aghghghg.

Lol 15 trying bludgeon 14…. me when [the self-hate] (also // to donna’s "this is so therapeutic!")

but this is what i get... my reward... and is not fair

mmm… dr who is a tv show fuel → the toymaker gets “banished” from this reality… and he gets flattened .... like it is rn if u watch the episode. u are looking at a flat image of NPH...

“you do it day by day”... i cry (“that would drive me mad” let's hope fourteen's life doesn't go the way of The Hours (2002) directed by Stephen Daldry lol)

“my reward.... to come home” t.t aaaaaa mi fine IM FINE

a tardis that regenerates in the second act WILL bi-regenerate in third act

people were so mad that they didnt make it about change.... well yeah it wasnt about change. it was about rehab

if we see a tardis w/o the jukebox, that's not me (we don't see it...)

"you werent gonna leave without saying goodbye, were you?" "as if i would ever do that" (translation: damn, u saw what i was gonna do)

"good luck" (translation: bitch go collect NEW TRAUMA away from me)

the evil step mother dslkfjk

ching out for fandom 2 mine all the Gen Fic possible out of this situation for years to come. Peace.

CONCLUSIONS!

oh boy. dskflj let's separate it by points, I'm Eager To Soapbox tonite...

ON DOCTORDONNA:

this was a success for me in ways the star beast wasn't. there’s so much Food in this one. "to come home" "maybe i will save you", etc etc etc etc. It feels like it draws a close to 10 and Donna’s story... but not really bc “the story never ends”....aka: Fandom the ball is now in ur court, the ground is Fertile for us to produce decades upon decades of Gen Fic (and they even get a TARDIS a la deleted tentoo scene! so we aren't even confined to domestic stuff only!!!) it is our time to Feast. Merry Christmas and God Bless Us All <3

ON MESSAGING: This episode is, at the very least, made up of 2 hats: the first hat is " toymaker outfoxing The Dr." (no complaints in this), and the hat inside that hat is: “humanity going mad and being The Problem” ... this was good enough to be its own hat. but it is kinda forgotten? If this were a normal season I feel that would have been a full episode where we would feel the implications of it . maybe then I would respect it more as a Political Message / Social Criticism bc rn it feels very eye roll lib core / basic af... to Elaborate:

this is what prejudice works like only if u have no understanding of material conditions. "why are people so prejudiced? BC they're afraid and mad! their fear of the new makes them lash out!!!!" sure. but the reason *that's* dangerous is not bc suddenly everyone will start rowing on the streets, is bc 1% of ppl get *benefits* from this line of thinking. prejudices are not actually "born" out of "fear" and "madness" but are *carefully, intentionally constructucted and/or encouraged* by the dominant class)

(Meiners wasn't an "irrational" person, he was being /quite/ rational in furthering scientific racism …… germany's wealth came from exploiting nigeria, togo, rwanda.… meiners own wealth came from that. Slavery *is* logical if you’re an slaverer. Pretending it isn’t leads u to pointless things like trying to “argue” against socdems in power to further refugee rights… they don’t care. They are doing it because it benefits them. It isn’t a “flaw” in the system, it’s the system working as intended).

(so like, yeah this is a ~validating and ~poignant commentary to watch if u are a ~liberal (tr: center-right person) who wants to believe they're superior to conservatives (extreme right person), but it's... not actually an astute or meaningful reading of the political zeitgeist)

so yeah. that plot fumbled imo and my hope now is with the upcoming Kate and PM story we can go harder on "Dealing With The Zeitgeist" and maybe redeem this in the process. we shall see...

On The Big Controversy:

Bigeneration rlly rlly works for me ... tbh On a couple levels… first, the mechanical: the doctor after TTC has been thoroughly portrayed as a Weird Thing more than any other time recently. Ppl used to joke about “elderitch horror” doctor before but now it feels like… way more real. The Doctor is really fucking weird !! so having them split like a cell? To survive? Yeah to me that feels like a very “yeah, this might as well happen”. After The Regeneration Limit has been throughout Debunked in-universe, it follows that we would question... just how much life is there in this fucking guy??? well, too much to be contained in one body, babes!

SO, that’s the mechanical level… but on the emotional level? I love it even more. The thing to understand is that... in this story, regeneration is *not* a device for telling a story about “accepting change” (that’s been done, lbr, more than enough times before). Here, it is actually doing a new thing for The Show: it is telling a story about “the journey of Healing” (hopefully, the first step in a very long Journey focused on that). 15 holding 14, embracing him… that’s just, well, it's moving man. 14 is a mess and 15 from what I’ve seen is Fucked Up In Brand New Ways… but here, in this moment, at least they’re starting to show a little bit of self-compassion. That’s one of the hardest things there is man, and for a character that has gone thru sm Grief and sm Trauma and shown so much downright self-destruction, self-sabotage, season after season after season… (literally saying ‘no’ to Yaz the day before for (reasons)!!!)…. And like, going against every other “the doctor can’t stand themeselves” character beat since The Power Of Tree (which I love don’t get me wrong but!! it's always had Implications!!)!!! ... well... It’s truly hopeful. It’s relatable. It’s beautiful. I'm sorry some dw fans are so tired of DT that they truly are missing out on something Monumental for the show / the character in general. That leads us to... ON THE TRANSITION FROM 13'S ERA

I also feel ngl fandom seriously worries about such… unimportant things all the time. “oh but having a DT with a tardis out there MIGHT make people think Ncuti isn’t legitimate!!!!” bro every other white doctor was already out there having adventures in the TARDIS every other week. Ppl who don't consider 13 or 14 as legitimate were already doing that by refusing to watch the show and sticking to the watching the 40+ seasons of white males as leads that are literally a click away. Like I’m sorry to bring up old fanwank but sdklfjsd god, honestly that was such a bizarre, intangible worry to have. When u actually watch the special w/o all these marketting worries... They very much …… don’t forget 13 in these specials . in fact it’s quite the opposite sdklf to get a true Understanding of all the layers going on in 14’s arc, 13’s story are p much requisite viewing. and I'm a flux Enjoyer thru and thru but c'mon, we all talked about how the resolution was fumbled sdlkfjsd it's Good that they are doing the fallout of 13 committing a triple genocide now!!! these specials actually elevated flux, not the opposite.

That said... god, they really should have mentioned Yaz there at the end in that "we loved her" bit re: Rose/River... I don’t know, it feels so glaring? if you didn't want to alienate the normies, why mention flux and (all the 32408 mentions of lore) in this? mentioning yaz seems so less dangerou in that case. idk. perhaps it was On Purpose and The Shoe Will Drop at some point with 15 (RTD is after all the man who gave us canon Nyssa/Tegan when he really didn’t Have To At All lol this guy would make all the companions gay if he could), but rn it’s like :/ thumbs down on that. CONCLUSIONS TO THE CONCLUSIONS

just great "big event" dr who tbh! flawed and with some things that annoyed me but also with enough stuff to send me out to do/read fanworks for the next 15 years lol . nph annoys me sometimes but toymaker was perfectly done. lots and lots of character and lore implications to make me break the tumblr post character limit. execution wise... the effects were great and the set pieces really worked. messaging as i said was weak, tho like with the lack of enough Shirley+Kate+Mel+Rose development, knowing what we know from BTS news ... this is gonna be re-treaded ground again in a few weeks, so.. we'll see if this improves (or gets worse lol). watch this space~

the giggle - thoughts and reactions (part 1/2)

fourteen breaking up from the dance- w/ the toymaker-> "do you see why i broke with him?"

kate going to hug fourteen feels very appropriate sdlkfj kate is like 14 aka barerly holding it together lol distincly not Having Had A Good time for a while. Esp avoiding any serpents...she’s just 1 scandal away from a malcolm tucker "this job has fucked me in every hole of my fucking body" meltdown")

"no change then, there" rtd making all his rtd1 era political subtext into text lol

oh…. so kate is just 1 mind-funker away from becoming an immigrant-hating, disabled-hater, bravermanish AnCapp ........................ interesting to know (put a pin on that tbh. I feel we may finally get the antagonist!kate of our dreams (my dreams) in this era)

shirley being so "is it offensive? Well, borderline..." and "absolutely no need" and "don't make me the problem" feels kinda like... "oh we can have a have a badass disabled character but she can't actually impose herself or be an inconvinience in any way" ://

like damn in that exchange with kate, just have a "we'll talk about it later" line. From a non-political / strictly narrative-pov, that would give us a bit of a flavor for their relationship as well.

"can't you give everyone a mask?" "imagine trying that" the thing is. russel.......... they did very much give everyone a mask, DSFKLJ like *some* made a big noise and sure it's alarming for "what that means" but like... most ppl did in fact mask up sldfkj that was a very significant thing that happened, in fact.........)

the old archengel network~~

CANON WEST END MELANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rtd taking "but no one watches television anymore!" people and giving them the middle finger <3 iconic

nah we were already mad dr. you're not that important

"that's righteusness! that's human!" but let us seeeee the effect. same problem as the first special. we're too much in the doctor's pov. let me see the *outside world* pov. rtd1 used to be so good with this :/

"you have my permission" autocracy? in MY dr. who? is more likely than u think

(what separates 14 from 10 is that like.... 11-12-13... they could all be quite ruthless, but those post-10 doctors didnt waste time with bs. they just Get On with the autocracy w/ no pretenses lol) (it's growth (tm) but at the same time........... oh, yeah, we're on a waters of marsy / ghost light-y path lol)

"hello" "hi" T.T so cute!!! i love them

"good old sabolom glitz" what an oxymoron lol

"I've got nothing. My family are all gone" oof. timeless child parallelsssss

also melanie if u want a family u just need to adopt a bunch of orphaned, supernaturally-enhanced teenagers. it worked for SJ!!!

kate WILL hire all your ex-girlfriends doctor and there's nothing u can do to stop her

"all this time and you didn't mentioned her" i mean tbf. i love melanie but .not mentioning sj *is* more alarming than not mentioning melanie sdlkfjsdklfjsd

"you're wearing yourself out" YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING

companions marathoning doctor who thru the doctor's head is always so clara coded

we can't have 10.000 …….. but we can have this “the first man picked up a rock” monologue.

(tbh actually......... i always thought it was very fitting for The Story of dr. who that the very first serial and is a historical about "the day friendship was invented" , so them invoking that rn feels very fitting. The toymaker, as a the Doctor’s Fun House Mirror Of The Day reframes that day (that story) as the day *murder* was invented. )

thie flashbacks make the toymaker serial look so much better than it is lol the land of stories serial >>> toymaker serial

"you never tell me to do that" he does actually jjkjkkklk all the time.......

"that's what unravels me, all the laws I cling to, gone" for The Theme…. → overcoming trauma is about accepting the irationality and injustice of it happening. It’s necessitates accepting that life can be fundamentally Unbalanced and not Karmic.

this ep is fun but is like.... idk some of 14's speeches here. Him being so clear-headed… it feels bit gratuitous? Unearned? this "im always so certain" as well... which *shouldnt feel like that* since we've had 13 seasons (40+ seasons*) of development before this. but idk it still feels like... too much too sudden?

"take away the toys... what am i? what am i now?" the kids aren't all right.mp3

maybe i'll save u!!! aaaaa TOT

(for all the talk about "i say things like that now" the doctor doesn't actually says she loves donna *to* her face here...)

“games don’t have a memory, every game starts from scratch” tbh that’s what watching the show is like sometimes lol even for us ~reconcile everything~folks… at some point u do gotta take each week as its own thing.

the giggle in my head………… // the drumming…?

lol the "i thought i was clever" puppetry imaginery and the twisting of the ten-era"help me" motif.. c'mon toymaker is just ur avarage fan fiction writer. u are valid my dude!! join AO3!!!

#dw meta #it's done (Faints)#if anyone asks 'what did u think of the specials'.............. ill just link the posts sdkflffdsj #60th specials

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quietkatie1864 · 5 years ago

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A Perfect Day

Summary: After an argument with the Doctor, the reader is meets a familiar face.

10th Doctor x reader, 12th Doctor x reader

Hot, angry tears slid down Y/N’s face as she watched the TARDIS vanish from her sight in a slow blinking haze. She stood there for several moments contemplating the fight she and the Doctor had just endured. There had been screaming, cold heartless stares, and horrible insults that they will both later regret.

But right now she had a right to be angry. Angry and absolutely devastated.

The Doctor, Martha, and Y/N had been visiting a new planet. The most beautiful planet Y/N had seen. Everything had been so green and full of life. Even the inhabitants of the planet had been green. “Like proper aliens,” Martha had joked. The only other color came from the trees. The trunks of the trees were a mixture of deep violet and bright blue, woven together and branching off hundreds of feet above the ground, sprouting the most delicate looking leaves that stayed bright green year round.

Y/N had wander off on her own after a while. She and the Doctor were friendly, but they were not quite friends yet. Y/N began traveling with the Doctor because of Rose. She and Rose has been best friends since they were kids. Wherever one went, the other followed. The Doctor had tolerated Y/N because Rose loves her, but now that Rose was gone the Doctor was stuck with her. At least that’s what Y/N believed.

While on her own, Y/N met a family who accepted Y/N and her human quirks warmly and taught her about their planet and culture. It seemed like this was going to be a good trip. No running required.

Things took a turn when Y/N was investigating town’s shops with the families youngest daughter. Suddenly the sky darkened and everyone seemed to stop in their tracks. Listening, waiting to see what happened next. Then the creatures with guns started dropping out of the sky.

These creatures began to take out the people around Y/N one by one and, since this planet had been a peaceful one that had never experienced war, they had no defense. So Y/N took the little girl’s hand and ran towards the only place she knew they would be safe: the TARDIS.

The Doctor was waiting by the TARDIS by the time Y/N got there.

The Doctor grabbed her hand and began to drag her to the TARDIS doors. “Idiot,” he was muttering to himself, “always check the dates. Should’ve checked, should’ve known.” Y/N stopped and the Doctor finally turned his full attention to her “We have to go. Now!”

Y/N looked down at the girl who was still clingy to her arm. “No we can’t just leave. They’re defenseless. They need our help.”

Some emotion that Y/N couldn’t register crossed the Doctors eyes for a split second. Looking back now she believed the look at been pity. “We will. We’ll come back. We have to make a plan. Somewhere safe.” He bent down so that he was eye level with the little girl. “See that big building over there,” he said pointing to a building that several others were running towards. “Run there. You’ll be safe until we come back.” The little girl looked up at Y/N, who smiled and nodded, encouraging her to let go of her hand and run. The second the girl dropped Y/N’s hand the Doctor was tugging Y/N through the TARDIS doors.

“So what’s the plan?” Y/N asked while the Doctor fiddle with the control panel.

“There is no plan,” the Doctor replied shortly.

Y/N stared at him incredulously, even though he refused to look at her. “What do you mean there’s no plan? You always have a plan”

“Not this time,”

This is when the screaming and insults began flying. The Doctor tried to explain to Y/N that what was happening on that planet was set in time and that not even he could save it from its inevitable destruction, but Y/N wouldn’t listen. She called him a coward, a liar, a murderer. In turn, the Doctor called Y/N a child who understood nothing. Then out of anger, and likely the feelings of frustration and betrayal, the Doctor had landed in the present day, in some small town, and told Y/N to leave. And Y/N was so angry and hurt she did just that.

Now she stood alone on an empty street, with no sign of the Doctor.

“Are you alright?” A voice called out behind her.

Hearing this man’s footsteps striding closer to her, Y/N quickly tried to wipe the tears from her face. She didn’t need attention from a stranger. “I’m fine,” she called back, not turning to look at him.

“No you’re not,” the man replied.

Y/N spun around to tell this strange man to mind his own business but the retort soon died on her lips. The man before her seemed so…familiar, but she couldn’t figure out why. The man’s face was slightly withered and his greying hair stuck out from his head in odd directions. But it was the eyes that Y/N recognized. These eyes, which seemed to look much older than the rest of him, stared back at her, as if staring into her soul.

“Do I know you?” Y/N finally blurted out.

The man smiled sadly. “Yes and no,”

Y/N now understood why she knew those eyes. “Doctor?”

The man in front of her, the Doctor with a different face, nodded and held out his hand to her. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

They walked silently through the empty street with the Doctor’s hand gripping Y/N’s lightly. She glanced up at him. “Not much of a hand holder anymore, eh?”

The Doctor cracked a small smile. “Not anymore. At least not usually. I’ll make an exception for you, though.”

The two stayed silent until they reached a seemingly abandoned park. The Doctor led Y/N to a bench and sat down. Y/N followed suit. They both stared out into the empty park before either of them spoke.

“Why do you look so sad?” Y/N inquired.

The Doctor scoffed. “Me? Sad? You’re the one who was crying,”

“I’m no sad I’m angry,” Y/N replied hotly. “But you know that don’t you? I mean, you were there. Is that why you’re here? Did it take you this long to realize that you were wrong?” She said gesturing to the Doctor’s new appearance.

“I wasn’t wrong,” Y/N opened her mouth in defense,but the Doctor held his hand up to stop her, “but I wasn’t right either. There are certain rules to time travel and certain instances in time that no one can change. I should’ve explained that to you better. I will do that, in fact. In about three hours.”

“Three hours?”

“Three hours for you. About five minutes for me. But I had to give you time to cool down. You tend to be exceptionally stubborn.” Y/N rolled her eyes but smiled slightly, knowing that she would be back in the TARDIS soon.

“You still didn’t answer my question. Why do you look so sad? And don’t lie I can see it in your eyes. And why are you here now? I’m assuming you didn’t regenerate I’m the five minutes you left me.” The Doctor refused to look at her and that’s when the realization hit Y/N. She grabbed the Doctor’s hand and forced him to look at her. “I died, didn’t I? Just now with you I died.”

Tears filled the Doctors eyes and he nodded. “I’m so sorry,”

“At least it was sudden. At least I’m guessing that the reason you’re here. You didn’t get to say goodbye.”

The Doctor ran a hand through his unruly hair before responding. “You were always too perceptive for you’re own good.” The Doctor hesitated. “You were so brave all the way up until the end. Every adventure we went on, no matter how terrifying or dangerous it was, you were right by my side. You never backed down. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.” Y/N eyes widened slightly and her grip on the Doctor’s hand tightened. She never would’ve imagined that the Doctor could have those kinds of feelings for her.

“It was like you knew you were getting close to the end,” the Doctor continued. “The day before you-the day before it happened, you gave me an absolutely perfect day. And I didn’t deserve it. But you do. You deserve one last, perfect day. And I plan on giving it to you.”

“One last perfect day,” Y/N smiled slightly. “Will this not screw up the space-time continuum or whatever?”

The Doctor smiled genuinely for the first time since he’d arrived. “I think we can risk it just this once. Whaddya say? Let me give you your perfect day?”

Despite the newfound knowledge of her impending death, Y/N grinned. “What are we waiting for?”

It truly was Y/N’s perfect day. Despite only knowing this Doctor for mere hours, Y/N felt as if she had known him her entire life. Their banter was easy, as if they’d been at if for years and the Doctor seemed to know Y/N next movements before she did. Neither of them were ready for the day to end when the TARDIS landed back in that town, right where the other Doctor had left Y/N.

“My last self should be in this exact location in about five minutes,” the Doctor said slowly walking Y/N through the front doors of the TARDIS.

“Can you tell me one thing?” Y/N asked. The Doctor nodded hesitantly. “How long do I travel with you? Roughly I mean. Obviously, I make it through at least one more generation.”

The Doctor was silent for several moments, contemplating the best way to answer the question. “Out of all of my companions, you stay with me the longest.”

“Good. At least we had a good run,” Y/N reached up and gave the Doctor a kiss. Her first kiss with him and inevitably his last. “Goodbye, Doctor,”

“Goodbye, Y/N”

She watched the TARDIS disappear into the air. Seconds later another TARDIS appeared. Another Doctor, Y/N’s Doctor in the blue pinstriped suit appeared in the doorway with an outstretched hand. This hand was a peace offering, an apology, a new beginning for the both of them.

Y/N smiled and took the Doctor’s hand.

#10th doctor x reader #tenth doctor x reader #12th doctor x reader #twelfth doctor x reader #doctor who imagine #10th doctor imagine #12th doctor imagine

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n1ght5h4d3-24 · 3 years ago

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Timeless (VIII)

A/N: Timeless is inspired by @just-dreaming-marvel 's Out Of Time series.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated ��

Warning: Angst

(Previously On...)

Over the next few months, Olivia lived her life the best way she could in the moment. She joined the SSR and was put in with Colonel Phillips and Peggy Carter. Agent Carter had been the one to teach her everything she needed to know, and soon Olivia had been passing her tests, coming in the top percentile as if being a part of the SSR was something she was born for. She grew close with Howard, who stepped up to take on the role of being a big brother while her actual brother and other "brother" were gone. He looked out for her when Peggy couldn't. Steve and Bucky's team of men became known as the Howling Commandos. They all left a few days after the trio had said their goodbyes. Olivia's only communication with her boys came in letters.

Liv,

Don't worry too much. I am watching out for your punk of a brother. He's starting to make risky choices, thinking he's indestructible now that he's Captain America and leads his own team. But, I'm doing everything that I can to make sure he doesn't do anything really stupid, so that he'll make it back to you in one piece. And I'm doing good, I promise you that. I hope you're doing well and have managed to find a semblance of happiness. If it's in the form of a boy though, I will be having words with him. Remember, for every moment after until the end of the line.

The better big brother,

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

Sis,

Buck probably mentioned in his letter to you about how he's continuing to take care of me and stopping me from doing anything stupid like before I took the serum. But, I am also doing all the same for him. I promise, that him and I will make it back to you in one piece although we may be a little scathed. By the way, how is Agent Carter doing? I haven't heard from her in a bit and wipe that smile off your face. I hope you're looking after yourself, I really miss you. Love you and remember, until the sun doesn't rise in the east I'll be there.

Your Actual Big Brother,

Captain Steven Grant Rogers

Whenever Colonel Phillips had been sent video footage of Captain Rogers and the Howling Commandos, the Colonel's team watched. Olivia used the viewing of the footage as a way to keep an eye on her boys, eyes scanning over the images to make sure they were in one piece and suffered no bad injuries. In one video footage, it had shown Steve taking a glance at a compass that he had on him, with a picture of Peggy inside. She poked fun at the agent to hide how she actually felt.

The younger Rogers had been completing some paperwork that had been stacked up when Colonel Phillips received word about Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes' death, by falling off a train. It had been a couple of days and no one could find the body in the snow. The Colonel broke the news to Agent Carter and Stark first before informing them that he'd like them around as he broke the news to the young girl.

"Agent Rogers? The Colonel is requesting you in his office," a fellow agent informs the girl when they approached her.

Olivia looked up from the file in front of her and nods her head. She closes the manila folder and gets up from her seat before making her way to the Colonel's office. On her trek, she noticed other agents were looking at her, giving her sympathetic looks. She didn't understand why she was receiving such sad looks but as she drew closer to the door to the Colonel's office, her anxiety spiked. When entering, her attention was quickly drawn to Peggy's form which was sitting in a chair across from the Colonel's desk and then she noticed that Howard was also in the room.

"Agent Rogers. Shut the door, please." Colonel Phillips tells her after greeting her.

Olivia did as she was told, "I don't understand...have I done something wrong?" she wonders.

"No. No, you haven't. But please, take a seat. I would prefer to tell you this while you were seated." Phillips says.

The dirty blonde slowly took a seat in the empty chair beside Peggy, who she noticed held sadness in her eyes. She then turned her attention to Howard, who too held sadness in his eyes. The young girl could feel her heart begin to race as she braced herself for the news she was about to receive.

"Your brother, Captain Rogers, and the Howling Commandos had been tasked with stopping a train that was taking Dr. Zola, HYDRA's top scientist, to one of their bases." the Colonel began. "Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes ziplined onto the train to attack from within. While on the train, they were attacked. A hole had been blown in the train which resulted in Sergeant Barnes to fall to his death from the train."

Olivia sat motionless in her chair, her swirling thoughts having come to a stop as the information she was given, washed over her. Howard, who had been watching the young girl from where he stood, saw the moment she broke through her eyes.

"His body has not been found...I am so sorry for your loss." Colonel Phillips ended.

The three adults watched the young girl, who was still frozen in her seat but had put her head down....waiting. Olivia looked up at Colonel Phillips through her brow line causing the man to be taken aback by the look she was giving him.

"You're lying. You don't know that he's dead." she says.

"Olivia..." Peggy began.

"He doesn't! He just said that Bucky's body hasn't been found. Bucky could still be alive!" Olivia tells her.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry but, he's dead." Peggy tells her.

The young girl stands up suddenly and pulls out the handgun she had in the waistband of her jeans. She turned the safety off and aimed it in the Colonel's direction.

"Stop lying to me. You've just given up on him, like before. You go out there, and you find him." she tells him.

Peggy shot up from her seat, holding her hand out towards the girl.

"Hey, hey...easy, Liv. Easy. Listen, I am so sorry for your loss but, this...he wouldn't want you to do this. The Colonel hasn't given up on him, we've received reports from the men in the field that there was no sign of Bucky's body in the snow." she informs the girl.

Olivia's outstretched arm was beginning to shake and Peggy slowly grabbed the gun from her. She turned the safety back on, on the gun before setting it down on the Colonel's desk. The young girl broke down in that moment, falling to the floor, not being able to stand on her shaky legs. She sobbed on the floor.

"I'll leave you be," Colonel Phillips says before he walks out of his office.

Howard crossed the room, kneeling in front of the young girl, embracing her.

"Shh...it's going to be okay Olivia. You're going to get through this. You're a strong girl." he tells her, rubbing her back in a comforting manner.

The engineer held the girl, allowing her tears to soak his shirt until they ran dry. He felt her body go slack in his embrace and he picked her up bridal style.

"There should be a room, down the hall with a cot you can lay her on." Peggy tells him.

Howard gave her a nod before carefully carrying Olivia out of the Colonel's office and ventured down the hallway, bringing the girl to another room to allow her to get some rest.

"He...he c-can't be dead. He...he c-can't be, H-Howard. He just...can't be." she mutters tiredly.

"Shh, you just rest." He tells her, setting her down on the cot, after entering the other room.

Olivia rolled to lay on her right side, to be facing the door and the current man in the room.

"Howard...will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" She asks him in a small voice.

"Of course, Liv." He tells her.

The inventor moved to sit at the end of the cot once the young girl moved her legs to provide him with space. He remained by her side until she had fallen asleep. When he was sure that she was out, Howard got up and left the room. He and Peggy decided that they weren't going to leave the girl alone after the heartbreaking news she had received, knowing that she would most likely refuse to get up. A couple of days later, the Howling Commandos showed up to the base without their Captain. They checked in on the young Rogers' wellbeing before Peggy questioned them about Steve's whereabouts. Gabe Jones informs her that he had gone to the bar.

Peggy had gone to find Howard to inform him that she was going to go speak to Steve and he promised to keep an eye on Olivia, who hasn't left the room he had brought her too.

When Peggy arrived at the bar, she was quick to notice that it was in shambles. She walked inside, following the sound of the radio giving a report about a blackout. When her gaze landed on Steve, she could hear him sniff before he reached across the table to grab a bottle to pour himself a drink.

"Dr. Erskine said that the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells." Steve started when he realized Peggy was there. "Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which means umm...I can't get drunk. Did you know that?" he wonders.

"Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person." Peggy tells him, picking up a chair to sit across from Steve. "He thought it could be one of the side effects."

She observes the heartbroken expression on Steve's face, noticing the tears welling in her eyes.

"It wasn't your fault." she tells him.

"Did you read the report?" Steve inquires.

"Yes," she answers.

He scoffs, "Then you know that's not true."

He hesitates before wondering, "Did Liv read it?"

"No, she hasn't." was Peggy's response.

"She should. She deserves to know the truth." Steve says.

"You did everything you could. Olivia won't blame you for what happened." Peggy tells him.

She continues to observe Steve, "Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?" she inquires.

Steve looks at her, as if he couldn't believe she'd be questioning him about his best friend.

"Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it." She tells him, trying to soothe his conscious.

Steve sits there for a moment, "I'm going after Schmidt. I'm not going to stop until all of HYDRA is dead or captured." he says with conviction in his tone.

"You won't be alone." Peggy assures him.

A shroud of silence fell between the two of them momentarily, until Steve broke it once more.

"How is she? How's Liv?"

"She hasn't taken it very well. Howard and I have been trying our best but, she need her big brother." Peggy tells him.

Steve gives her a nod and the two of them get up from the table and leave the bar.

(Next Time On...)

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falling-fineline · 4 years ago

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Native of mine you’re just my kind

(A Cake one shot)

Title and lyrics from “Lonely Hearts” by 5SOS and some inspiration from Ashton’s breakdown of CALM that he did for #1yearofCALM.

Summary: Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say. What they don’t tell you is that it also exhaustingly lonely.

Warnings: smut and fluff! You’ve been warned!

can also be found on ao3!

Our house on fire

We’re burning

We dance inside

You’re hurting

If you leave me in the morning

I’ll have such a

Such a lonely heart

“I’m only gone for a week to see the family, Luke. Not moving back there forever. Plus, it’s my fourth day here so there’s technically four more days until you see me again. There’s no need to bring out that pout of yours, pet.” Calum rolls his brown eyes but smiles fondly at how childish his boyfriend is being right now.

Luke pouts for a second longer at the screen, then a small grin breaks the pout.

The blond loved these facetimes they have. There were no verbal promises but they’ve been facetiming at least twice a day, sometimes more. Mostly about silly things, most calls that don’t last more than 5 minutes. But these little nuggets of seeing calum’s really are the sole thing that’s Luke got looking forward to every day since Calum’s been gone. Luke won’t admit it to himself, and he thinks that Calum has caught on but just doesn’t say anything about it, but most of the calls are from Luke, and it’s whenever he gets a spike of ice cold fear that he calls Calum. An irrational fear, he knows, that calum’s going to stay in Aus, and not come back, essentially breaking up with him.

Aside from walking Petunia around the block every morning and night, Luke hasn’t doesn’t anything else other than lying around in bed, waiting for Calum to call him.

A pretty sad sounding existence, he knows. But ever since Calum left to visit his family in Australia a few days ago, luke’s been spiraling. He had sensed the his mental fragility settling in when he said goodbye to Calum at the airport and his mood has had a downward trajectory ever since. Luke went from quarantining with Calum ever since they came back from tour, seeing Calum every day, to suddenly not seeing him. This has thrown his head into a pitiful sad loop.

“Luke, you still with me, love? I know it’s late over there in LA but you called me.” A light chuckle rang out from Luke’s phone, in his hands as he laid on his side in bed.

“I just… couldn’t sleep. Wanted to see your stupid face again.”

Luke actually hadn’t slept for more than 2-3 hours every night ever since Calum left. This morning, Luke woke up, head in a hazy state, and just sat out on their balcony, staring at absolutely nothing. Begging to feel the sun that’s shining on him, the warm hug she would have beared for him. Anything but this dark pit that regenerated out of thin air, in his chest, that seeped into his bones during the night Calum left and he hasn’t felt a thing in days.

Calum sees through Luke right away. It’s as if their souls were grown in the same origin, or something. Calum’s the only one that takes one look at luke and instantly reads him like an open book. Eager to read every word, every sentence, meticulous in not missing any clues along the way.

“Luke, you can be honest with me. This is your 5th call ever since I woke up and I’ve only been for 6 hours. I’m not saying to call me less, but today’s been a lot, huh? How have you been feeling?” calum’s concerned brown orbs search Luke’s through the screen, trying to see any minute change in the blond’s features that would give him away.

Luke closes his eyes for a moment, thinking of a suitable answer. He readjusts on the bed so he’s sitting up against the headboard. The younger lad had been so caught up in his head, wallowing in his sadness, he hadn’t really checked in with how he was feeling. Luke’s speak is thoughtful when he speaks.

“ive been feeling… lonely. Nothing new to me, nothing new to you.” A dry chuckle leaves the blond’s mouth and he see’s his boyfriend readjust in his own bed, mimicking Luke’s position. Calum’s eyes are filled with concern for the blond, a frown on his lips.

“now what have we talked about using humour to minimise how you’re feeling? Remember, for me to understand how you’re feeling, you gotta be honest with me, especially with how you feel.”

“I just hope that you’re missing me half as much as I’m missing you right now, cal.” Tears begin to form in the blond’s eyes, making his vision of Calum a misty one. But he continues on with how he truly feels. “Like, my heart hurts whenever you’re not here with me. I’ve got such a lonely heart without you here, cal.” A choked sob escapes out of the younger lad’s lips. He’s quick to wipe his tears with his hoodie sleeve before he looks like a right mess in front of his boyfriend.

“Oh, pet. Don’t cry. If anything, I do miss you, so, so, much. My chest can barely hold myself together. Every song reminds me of you and I’ve been listening to my music nonstop without you here with me. Mali keeps making fun of me cuz I’m glued to my phone, chatting with you all day long.” A wet grin appears on Luke’s lips then, reveling in the feeling of being missed. Of being thought about. Of feeling wanted.

Interest grows in Luke’s as he watches Calum innocently lick his lips. A low groan comes out of Luke’s mouth as he sinks into the bedframe, sinking deeper into his beige hoodie, his hood flipping flat on his blond locks.

“oh, I know those eyes whenever I see them. You in the mood right now, Hemmings?” Luke blushes even when he sees Calum strip out of his black calm sweatshirt through his screen, revealing a number of scattered tattoos all over his abdomen and arms. Luke drools at the thought of what comes next.

Luke begins to play with his growing bulge that’s beginning to come alive in his briefs, causing the camera to shake a bit. Calum noticed the movement and smirks.

“Are you touching yourself right now, babe? Is me being shirtless causing you to become hot and bothered, my boy?” just to seemingly directly add to Luke’s erection and to the mental wanking log he has of visuals of Calum, Calum flexes his tattooed arm for the camera, muscles seemingly bulging out of his skin.

Luke moans in luau of responding, one hand starts the task of getting his dick out of his briefs and one hand holding the phone steady. He moves his camera back a bit, revealing his angry red cock that glistens at the tip with precome. Calum’s whistles lowly at seeing his boyfriend’s big cock.

Luke overtly stares at calum’s tattooed arm. The way the 5 o’clock shadows are casted on his muscles, clinging to every curve and jutted out vein. The blond fantasizes that it’s calum’s hand that’s jerking himself off right now, arm pumping up and down, muscles working overtime to get Luke to his climax.

Luke’s eyes become hooded eyelashes fluttering as he feels the familiar warmth coil itself in his abdomen, close to release. Mouth hanging open, Calum doesn’t think Luke realizes the soft continuous “ah ah ah’s” that are leaking out of his mouth as he feels his orgasm building. Small tears escape his eyes with how good Luke feels as he imagines it’s his boyfriend’s thumb that goes over the tip of his leaking cock, sliding his precome over his slick dick. At one point during their FaceTime, Luke had stopped jerking himself off to hike up the beige hoodie that he has on, tucking it under his chin, revealing perky nipples and pale skin with luscious chest hair.

“Look how pretty my boy is, all desperate for me.” Luke preens at calum’s words, warmth growing in his cheeks and heart. “Look how beautiful you are, at worked up, just from imagining me jerking your big huge cock off. And it’s at for me, my eyes only. God damn it Hemmings, what am I gonna do with you?” Calum lips his lips in anticipation. Luke loved when Calum got possessive in their dirty talk. It made him feel wanted, lusted over, and more importantly, loved.

A low whine escapes Luke’s lips as the blond imagines face-fucking Calum. He’d take his cock so nicely into his mouth. His greedy greedy mouth. Luke imagines calum’s jaw going slack as the brunet succumbs to his own pleasure and with a dazed look in his brown orbs, the blond imagines fucking calum’s throat relentlessly as he jerks himself to climax.

With a shout of calum’s name, Luke comes all over his stomach and chest, huge spurts of white spunk paints his chest hair, mingling in the unruly curls.

Eyes glazed over with his orgasm, the blond sees his boyfriend’s mouth open in a silent scream as Calum cums too in his own pants.

After a couple minutes of silence from both ends as they came down from their orgasmic highs, Luke chuckles.

“I really needed that cal. Thanks. I’m so relaxed now…”

They stay on the line for a while longer, just smiling like goofs to each other.

#cake hoodings #cake 5sos #calum hood #luke hemmings #one shot #smut #fluff #drabble #fan fic #my work

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msshadows97 · 3 months ago

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Still not done gushing because ✨️hyperfixation✨️

The jokes are subtle and really dorky.

Like Mr. magorium has a toy mallet that squeaks. Mutant and Molly are arguing and you just hear the squeaking of the mallet with him going "order"

Even the hospital scene while sad, has so many undertones of jokes.

"He says he's 242 years old"

"242?!?! I'm 243 you were at my birthday. You brought me balloons"

Or when Molly is obviously lying (only to us and Mr magorium)

"Why are you lying my dear?"

"Because you have to live"

"But your pants will catch fire"

"I don't care"

Watching this movie as an adult (as I never got the chance to as a child sadly) it is a sweet movie. Talks about death in a way a child would understand. You feel sad, but there is nothing to do about it as things die. Not to mention the quotes are just beautiful.

Here are my favorites (there's a lot)

"We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime."

"We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery"

"I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime... This is my last pair."

"All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin."

"A stroke, you unbrookable ninny. The only stroke I have ever had is one of genius."

Doctor: What are you doing?

Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm practicing the euphonium.

Doctor: The what?

Mr. Edward Magorium: I'm thinking of giving a concert in the psyche ward tomorrow.

His closing monolog:

"When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

[pause, walks over to Molly]

Mr. Magorium: I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.

Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too.

[picks Molly up, sighs heavily]

Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it."

Like, sorry........ WHAT. MAKE ME SOB. WHY DONT YOU!

The quotes are funny, but they are also sad. People have said they hated the movie because it felt flat and childish. It is a child's movie. it's supposed to be childish. There is a meaning behind the movie. The only thing I wasn't the biggest fan on would be the ending after Mr. magorium's funeral. It did feel a bit rushed. It is ok to mourn a bit longer. I get it's a movie but if someone I truly loved just died ima be a mess for the next week and that's sobbing mess week, I don't think I'd ever truly be "fine."

Call me dramatic, but if I just said goodbye to someone I loved I wouldn't be smiling so fast, unless it was a bitter sweet smile.

I do wish we got to know more about Mr. magorium's life, but the brief bit we did know I'm glad we did see.

Anyways hopefully, me ranting about this, like a mad woman, would finally help this hyperfixation, but there are no fanfictions for me to fall back on.

Ok I need to write about this movoe or I'm going to go crazy. This is an amazing kids movie. That simple. The words are great but also the imaging is amazing as well. The framing of the scenes is just, chefs kiss.

The lighting alone towards Mr magorium is always bright with some form of light around him or on him.

Expessually, his ending scene. The shop is dark, and him in his white stripped suit, basically glowing. We know it's his end, but the way it framed with his closing monolog is just beautiful.

#mr magorium's wonder emporium #i swear im normal #i swear im not crazy #im just an emotional thing #let me cry #but omg is great #why couldnt the movie be based on the book and not the other way around? i want more #i need more #why no fancitions?

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melancholydreadfuldream · 4 years ago

Text

deep end of a dream

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader & Ganger!Doctor x reader

Summary: You were in love with the Doctor but unfortunately the Doctor couldn't make up his mind between his feeling for you and for River. When an accident resulting in creation of another Doctor, will that be the answer everyone is hoping for?

Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, dark!doctor, etc. You have been warned.

More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this.

"Y-you are leaving the Tardis? Where are you going?"

He smiled as he show you a vortex manipulator. "Cheap time travel but this will do. I can go anywhere anytime."

"B-but..." You felt unwillingness to part with him.

"Two doctors in one Tardis? That could never work out." The ganger Doctor turned stabilized said. "I can't stay here." He took a step toward you, taking one of your hands in his. "I was hoping you would come with me."

Your mouth dropped open in shock.

"I mean I know I'm not the real Doctor..."

"You are the Doctor." You insisted.

He smiled solemnly. "You told him before that you are leaving him...leaving the Tardis."

You did say that to the original Doctor before he took you and the Ponds to the flesh factory. You are done waiting for him, waiting for a man who could never love you properly.

"Come with me." The ganger Doctor pleaded.

You didn't know what to say.

7777

You have been with the Doctor longer than any other companion. You first met the Doctor in his tenth incarnation while he was with Rose. You soon fell in love with the Doctor but has to endure heartbreak as he only has eyes for Rose. After losing Rose, the Doctor dropped you at home and didn't come back for you for a long while. He said you are better off without him. You pleaded him to let you stay but he cruelly ignored you.

You met the Doctor on board of the valiant courtesy of the Master. The Master somehow found out about your feeling for the Doctor and use it against you and the Doctor. You were there as a hostage and as the Master's plaything. He likes to rub it that the Doctor doesn't love you. He basically outed your pathetic feeling for the Doctor.

It was a very long and painful year. You were forced to watch as the Master torture the Doctor, regressed him into a sort of aged creature and put him in a cage as added humiliation. You met Jack, an immortal and a former companion of the Doctor. He was a hostage as well and his fate is worst than you. The Master likes to be variable in his method of torture. And yet, Jack is brave and still laughed in face of repeated tortures and deaths.

Then you met Martha, the woman who walked the Earth, the storyteller, the one who saved the Doctor and the world. Like you, Martha was in love with the Doctor but the Doctor still hung up on Rose. After time is reset, Martha decided to stop travelling with the Doctor.

The Doctor apologized to you for getting you involved with his mess. You were sure he would turn you away again but instead he asked you to travel again with him and like the besotted fool you are, you agreed. But the two of you never talked about the elephant in the room which is your outed feeling for the Doctor. Both of you pretended that it didn't happen. But it was hard for you, traveling with the Doctor, interacting with him, discovering his many adorable quirk that made your feeling for him strengthen.

Eventually, Donna joined you and the Doctor. She recognized your feeling for the Doctor immediately and she is being supportive of you despite you telling her about your love rival, Rose.

During one of your routine adventure with Doctor and Donna, you met River Song. River seemed to know who you are and acted as if you and her are friends despite you have no idea who she is. You got jealous at how River confidently talked and keep up with the Doctor. You and Donna got uploaded inside CAL. After the Doctor saved everyone, you learned that River is dead and you felt guilty for being jealous of her before. That woman died to save everyone.

Donna often likes to push you and the Doctor together. During a visit at Midnight, Donna pushes you to take a trip with the Doctor instead of spending time at the spa with her. You got under thrall of an unknown creature that possessed another passenger and the Doctor had to save you from it while stopping the rest of the passengers from trying to have you thrown out of the cabin.

He kissed you and took the infection off you, rendering himself under the creature's thrall. You tried to save him too but it was futile. You tried to calm down everyone but it was like all of them has lost their rational mind. When you both finally survived the creature, you could only hugged each other in relief. You cried and accidentally tell him that you love him. But he was too distracted to respond.

Many things happened so fast after that. Earth got stolen and Rose come back. So you and the Doctor never got a chance to talk about it. You don't know whether to feel sad or relief, after all, knowing your feeling is unrequited. It hurts watching the Doctor and Rose reunited. You could see how much they love each other through their interaction.

Then, metacrisis Doctor Donna happened. After saving the universe, the Doctor left Rose and Metacrisis Doctor back on the paralel universe. You and the Doctor had to say goodbye to Donna whose memory got erased. You insisted of staying with the Doctor. You can't bear to let him be alone. Luckily, he didn't fight you about staying.

He was lonely still. You weren't enough for him. You know this. It hurts. You let him use you. He soaked in your love for him.

You stayed with him through his regeneration into the bow-tied man that you will eventually love too. Inside the crashing Tardis, you fell into the swimming pool and got a concussion for it. The newly-regenerated Doctor is very worried for you.

You were wary of the new Doctor but he was very affectionate with you. He fussed over you. He treated your head wound. You eventually accepted that he is still the Doctor you know, just a little bit difference, well, a lot difference.

The Doctor invited Amy to board the Tardis. You and Amy get along alright. She notices immediately about your feeling for the Doctor. You are wondering if you are really bad to keep your feeling a secret if anyone could know immediately.

This version of the Doctor really is too affectionate. He loves hugging or taking your hand in his firmly. Sometimes you could almost believe he is flirting with you. But, of course, the Doctor remained vague regarding your relationship. You might be making a mistake by staying. As you expected, the more you know this new Doctor, the more your feeling for him grow even more, one might say it was like a cancer.

You and the Doctor met River again. Your heart is broken again when you heard the Doctor confirmed Amy's teasing that River is indeed his future wife. But the threat of the weeping angels distracted you enough from letting yourself drown in misery.

River is very nice with you, still saying that you and her are friends. When you two are alone, you decided to ask whether she is really married to the Doctor. She only gave you a really annoyingly vague answer.

You are done. You wanted to leave the Doctor. You will not stay and pined for a married man. But River seemed to figure out your line of thinking and pleaded you to stay. She said the Doctor need you and that someday you will have to save the Doctor. You don't know if she is lying however you have no choice but to stay in case she really is saying the truth.

Afterward you tried to keep your distant with the Doctor. Both the Doctor and Amy noticed. Amy tried to comfort you, knowing your reasoning.

Rory eventually joined inside the Tardis too. It's getting kind of crowded in the Tardis but you didn't mind. You also get along nice with Rory.

While the Doctor and Amy are kind a bit reckless, you and Rory become their voice of reason...somewhat. You would even said you and Rory are probably the sane ones. The Doctor and Amy would jump and greet dangers together while laughing a bit like maniac. They often ganged up against you and Rory, calling you both the boring ones.

7777

"The Doctor is a selfish old man. You will be waiting for a long time for him, poor little (name)." The Dream Lord had mocked you. "And he will let you wait for him instead of letting you go. He is that cruel."

You hated that everyone seemed to know your feeling for the Doctor.

"You are right, little (name), he is like a cancer. You better run before he takes over you completely." He said.

He is reading your mind. How can he be reading your mind like this?

"But I suppose, it was already too late for you, eh?"

When they finally defeated the Dream Lord, you can't help but wonder if the Doctor can read other people's mind after he admitted that the Dream Lord is in fact a darker version of himself.

7777

Tears falling from your cheeks as you watched the somewhat weary Doctor sitting inside Pandorica, readying himself to fly toward the exploding Tardis.

River had explained that when he did that, he will be erased from time. You can't accept that but it is not like your opinion matters to him.

The Doctor looked a bit sad when you said that to him. "You always matters to me and I do listen to you but in this case, you know it is the only way."

You wiped your tears furiously. "River said you can't come back...that you will be trapped on the wrong side... We would have never met at all." You whispered with a crack in your voice as more tears falling from your cheeks.

He smiled as he put a hand over your cheek. "Oh, my dearest (name)...I'm sorry...It seemed that I always ended up hurting you..."

You blinked at him in confusion before you realized he was talking about your feeling for him. You tried to smile. "It's alright, Doctor, I know you don't feel the same for me. I'm just glad that you let me stay. Being with you..."

"...is hurting you and yet you stays with me through everything..." The Doctor cut in. He looked at you with a sad look. "I don't deserve you."

You shook your head at that. "Don't say that. It was my choice to stay with you. You show me the wonder of the universe and more. I would always be grateful for that. I love you, Doctor, I'm not sorry that I do and...you shouldn't either. I don't regret you so please don't..." You trailed.

He smiled as he drew you closer and kissed your forehead. "Live a good life, my (name), find your happiness no matter what happen..." He murmured to you.

You left him and told Amy to go to the Doctor.

"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they- they always leave traces, little things you can't quite account for. Nothing is ever forgotten, not completely, and, if something can be remembered, it can come back." You heard him says that to Amy.

River stood by your side. She was staring at the Doctor and Amy with a solemn look. Her eyes are glassy.

"It will be alright. He will come back." You said to her suddenly. You don't know why you said that. Maybe your faith in the Doctor is still strong, making you believe that he will overcome this and you need to share that faith with those who love him as you do.

River looked surprised at your words. She smiled kindly at you and took one of your hand in hers.

The world exploded and rebooted. Everything felt like it was spiraled out of your control. When you come to, you were sitting in your favorite park bench with a book in your hands. You blinked as you tried to shake off the feeling of loss and grief within your heart but you have no idea why you felt like that.

As you stared blankly at space, you heard the wheezing sound of the Tardis. At first, you are confused as you no longer recognized that sound. Then the blue box appeared a few feet away from you and your memory started to return. You dropped your book as you stood up and walked cautiously toward the box.

The Doctor, dressed in a suit and a top hat, walked out of the Tardis. "Come on, (name), we will miss Amy and Rory's wedding." He said.

"Doctor?" You whispered.

He smiled brightly at you.

You walked toward him and tentatively touched his arms as if wanting to make sure he is real. Tears filled your eyes once more and you hugged him tight. He hugged you back, rubbed your back in gesture of comfort before he pulled you inside the Tardis.

He explained to you how Amy brought him back just as he predicted. He had just been crashing the Pond's reception and he was trying to move the Tardis out of the ballroom for space. It was then he come back for you.

As you got out of the Tardis and into the ballroom with the Doctor, Amy grinned and pulled you into a hug. "I'm so glad you are here, (name)." she said.

You smiled at both Amy and Rory. You complimented her. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress. The two of you had a good laugh when you both saw how the Doctor danced a giraffe dance with the kids.

You smiled fondly as you watched Amy and Rory danced together. You are glad that they have got their happy ending.

The Doctor stood beside you with a fond smile. "2000 years. The boy who waited." He said.

You noticed River outside the windows, smiling and then leaving. You told the Doctor that you saw her and the Doctor goes to her, saying something about having to return her diary to her. You watched him go with a somewhat bittersweet smile.

7777

The Doctor invited you to watch his death in Lake Silencio. How can he be this cruel? Both you and Amy can't cope, seeing his painful death. Rory and River are the ones who still did as the Doctor told, still wanting to complete the mission given to them.

Then a younger version of the Doctor appeared before you screwing your mind even more. River explained it to you and the Ponds regarding the Doctor and the rule of time. She made you and the Ponds swore never to tell the Doctor about his death back in Lake Silencio.

In America, you have another talk with River. She insinuated that the Doctor has feeling for both you and River. But you already know that the Doctor would never pick you so why are you still insist to stay with him? Are you really this foolish? He is stringing you along just like the Dream Lord said. Are you this pathetic that you will let him do that forever?

You made up your mind about leaving the Doctor and the Tardis. It was time you stop waiting for a man who would never love you properly. You felt a bit guilty about leaving the Ponds to deal with the upcoming death of the Doctor but you found you no longer can stand be around him anymore.

You told the Doctor about leaving. He look like a sad kicked puppy much to your guilt. He convinced you to stay until he can give you a proper last hurrah.

Next thing you know, there are two Doctors, one of them is a ganger. You tried to keep your distance from both Doctors. You thought it was the only way for you to leave, stop caring for the Doctor, harden your heart. But you found you couldn't ignore the Doctor especially in the face of death so when the original Doctor decided to let the ganger Doctor stay behind to die, your mind just flashed back into that dreadful day at Lake Silencio and you just 'nope' so bad as you lost your marble and forced the ganger Doctor to come on board of the Tardis.

Of course you know, the ganger Doctor is just that, a ganger but the original Doctor is the one who treated the ganger as something more and now he's just gonna let him die? The Doctor is the one who said a ganger has all their counterpart's memories. The ganger Doctor is essentially the Doctor too, so how can you let him die?

You pleaded like crazy with the ganger Doctor not to sacrifice himself. The ganger Doctor tried to get you to go with the original Doctor, telling you that your Doctor is safe with you but there is no reasoning with you. He eventually relents when you gave him ultimatum to get inside the Tardis or you stay here with him and die together. Deep down, you were yelling at your stupidity but you could only feel relieved when he finally surrender to your wish for him to stay alive.

You heard the Doctor telling all the gangers on board of the Tardis about how the energy inside the time ship will stabilized them and made them a real person. You wondered if the ganger Doctor is a full Time Lord or become a human but you didn't ask, still in somewhat shock state. You wondered what the original Doctor must think of you and how the ganger Doctor will fit in the Tardis. Maybe you messed this up but you could hardly regret the Doctor, any Doctor, for long.

There is no time to concern with the issue of ganger Doctor though when both Doctors finally revealed the truth about Amy being a ganger too.

7777

After rescuing Amy and losing baby Melody and to finding out River is Melody, you could finally have time to yourself. You wondered if leaving the Doctor is still something you wanted.

River is on board of the Tardis and shamelessly flirted with both Doctors.

You snorted to yourself. What were you thinking? Now that there are two Doctors, one of them will choose you? How stupid you can be? There is part of you who now wonder which Doctor died in that Lake Silencio, the original or the ganger? You wondered if your motive of rescuing ganger Doctor is as shallow as hoping one of them will pick you or as cruel as to have replacement Doctor to face death in Lake Silencio. But it was hardly your problem now. You decided you still have to leave.

That's when the ganger Doctor come to you with his proposition. "Come with me, (name)." He pleaded.

Your mouth dropped open in shock. "W-why?"

He smiled. "I am alive because of you. Is it a wonder I would like to spend the rest of my life with you?"

"B-but..." You wanted to ask him about River but your mind stop you short. That was probably not a nice thing to ask. Of course, River will get to be with the original. The Doctor and River Song in the Tardis. You were always the spare and now it seemed this Doctor is too.

He looked insecure now. "I understand if you didn't want to. I just want a chance to be the man that you deserve."

Without thinking, you pulled him closer and kissed him. As you broke the kiss, he stared at you solemnly before suddenly burst into adorable giggle which in turn make you smile.

7777

The ganger Doctor switched his name into John Noble. You smiled at his chosen surname in honor of Donna Noble.

You and John traveled the universe every time you can but it was limited due to the limited ability of the vortex manipulator. He was working on making a better and safer version of vortex manipulator though.

You both picked a place to be called home since you both got no Tardis as home-base. He made your dream house, a small cottage with white picket fence and he even got you a dog.

"How did you even get all of this?" You asked.

"I am still technically the Doctor, you know. I have friends in high place." He said as he made a motion with his hands.

You laughed as you hugged your new pet companion. You and John had a funny banter about naming the dog. John insisted that he speaks dog and the dog wanted to be called some silly, really long name.

7777

You eventually married John. It was hard at first as you were still riddled with insecurity, believing that he will somehow grew tired of you and left on his own. He had assured you many times that he would never abandon you. He murmured about how he can hardly believe that the other Doctor actually let you go with him. You asked him what he is talking about but he distracted you with hug and kisses. You eventually believe him and accepted his marriage proposal.

"I wanted to grow old with you." He told you.

That honestly the nicest thing the Doctor ever said to you, well, technically it wasn't really the Doctor who said it. it was John. Suddenly your mind flashed back into Rose and metacrisis Doctor. Were the two of you similar to them in some way?

You have a happy marriage with John. There were some up and down. He, in some way, is the Doctor so naturally he can't quite cope to stay in one place too long. Sometimes he took you to sightseeing and have your own adventure which thankfully does not include some deathly crisis. Sometimes he goes on his own, those days are hard for you, worrying he will not come back for you.

One day, he returned home injured. He was not alone. Jack Harkness is with him. You were surprised to see him again and really scared upon seeing the injured John. Apparently someone thought John is the Doctor and attempted to kill him. Had it not for Jack, he would have died. Thankfully, his injury is not fatal. In fact, one might say, he is quite lucky. You know John still have some Time Lord qualities in him, he can't regenerate but he has a somewhat rapid healing ability.

Tears fell on your cheeks as you repeatedly punched John in his arms much to his dismay. "You are grounded forever, you jerk!" You yelled.

Jack is amused as he watched your interaction with John before the smile slide off his face. "You two need to hid. The world, right now, is against the Doctor and John having his face will not help his case."

"What do you mean? What happened?" You demanded.

Jack and John exchanged a look with each other.

"It's the Doctor." Jack said grimly. "He did something."

"Did what? What are you talking about?" You asked suddenly feeling scared on top of all the confusion.

"He is not the Doctor we used to know any longer, (name). He's changed. And I didn't mean he regenerated and has a change of personality again. I mean, he's changed." John said.

You stared at John. "You met him?"

John shook his head. "I didn't. But I saw the trail of destruction he left behind." He said grimly.

You stared blankly at your husband. "I'm sorry, did you just say a trail of destruction?"

John and Jack nodded somberly at you.

"No, you're wrong. We are talking about the Doctor here. He is not..."

"You don't know the Doctor as much as you think you do, (name)." John replied.

"But... John, you believe that the Doctor...you are capable of this...??"

"Well..." John laughed harshly. "...we didn't get the name oncoming storm for nothing you know..."

You shook your head. "No. Something must have happened to him. Maybe someone controlled his mind. He would not do whatever it is you think he did." You stubbornly said.

"(name)..." John called out with a sigh.

"No!" You left your husband and Jack as you went into the garden.

You walked back and forth as you tried to come to term with what John had said. You picked up your smartphone and your fingers hovered over the Doctor's Tardis number. You bit your lips and you called him on your phone.

John suddenly pulled your phone out of your hand and smashed it into the ground.

"John, what the hell!!" You were angry but when you saw his expression which is a mixture of anger and fear, you become speechless.

Jack entered the garden and told the both of you to run before the Doctor come for you both.

John nodded grimly as he grabbed his vortex manipulator and sonic screwdriver before turning to you and said, "I know you are afraid, (name) but you have to trust me. Please trust me." He cupped your face as he is pleading for you to believe him.

"I do trust you, John." You replied.

"Then you have to believe me. The Doctor is dangerous. He's a changed. And now we need to run before he came for us."

"He would not hurt us!" You said, almost offended.

John look saddened. "Maybe before. Now, I'm not so sure."

What could possibly happened to the Doctor? You were very curious but also very afraid especially as you watched John loses his cool with each passing moments.

7777

You went on the run with John. He had used perception filter on the both of you. The people of the whole world is afraid of the Doctor but also they were trying to kill him. Since John had his face and everything, people might targeted him or might try to use him against the Doctor. He does has his memories. He could be a threat but mostly to the Doctor. As you realized this, you are very afraid for John.

While on the run, you started to find out exactly what you feared that the Doctor has somehow turned evil and has set many planet on the course of destruction. You wanted to cry. What happened to the Doctor for him to change this much? John had told you about a prophecy of the Valeyard, a version of the Doctor turned evil, and now it seemed the prophecy is finally here.

You are scared, wondering if your life with John will ever be safe again. There were a few times, people are able to see past the perception filter and that few times almost cost John his life. You almost hated the Doctor for putting you and John in deep end like this.

You and John eventually found a safe place to stay. Each night you hugged him tight, afraid that you will lose him for good.

7777

You put out the grocery on the table at the small house you and John rented. You thought this day would come and goes as usual (it wasn't good but slightly okay) but of course the universe seemed to conspire against your happiness because as you went into the living room, you saw the Tardis. You gasped, feeling like someone just punch you in the gut.

"Hello, my dearest (name)."

You slowly turned around to face the Doctor. He was wearing a dark purple suit. His eyes looked weary but he was smiling at you like an old friend. "D-Doctor..."

"You looked good. John has taken a good care of you." He said with approval.

"John, where is he? What did you do to him?" You demanded.

"John is safe...for now."

You flinched at that. "W-what do you want, Doctor?"

He smiled as he walked toward you. His hand hovered over your cheek before settling to touch your hair instead. "I miss my best friend. Just pop up for a visit."

You are shaking and he noticed it.

He smiled in amusement but his eyes looked sad. "Seemed like you have heard some stories about me then..."

You took a step back away from him. "Please just leave me and John alone."

"I would if I could, dearest (name), but John had to go against me after everything I did for him." The Doctor said with disdain. "Gave him my first face and then he dare to go up against me?"

"W-what?"

The Doctor hummed. "I guess you didn't know."

"Know what?"

"That John has been aiding the resistance against me."

You froze. John never told you that. He was always with you most of the time. How can he be aiding the resistance? But then again, part of you are not really surprised. John is the Doctor, after all, at least the part of the Doctor that is good. Is it a wonder that he will try to save the world from his other self? But you also want to slap him silly for putting himself in danger.

"Don't hurt him." You begged. "Please don't hurt him."

The Doctor tiled his head, observing you. "You love him." He sighed. "I guess you do since you left me and married the man."

You flinched again at what he is insinuating. "You had your chance. You choose River. He choose me."

"I know."

"Doctor, what happened to you?"

The Doctor laughed harshly. "Life, I guess. I lost the Ponds and I send River to the library a long time ago. Got a new companion. Clara Oswald. That impossible girl. You would have love her, (name), always keeping me on my toes, just like River." He looked sad now. "Always saving me, just like River. She splintered herself, you know, just to save my life. Having to be reborn again and again and died for the Doctor. I saved the original but I lost her again."

"What happened to her?" You asked.

"They took her from me and made it impossible for me to save her. I made them pay for what they did." He said with a faraway look on his face. "I've lost so much." He whispered sadly. "No more." He added grimly before turning his intense gaze on you.

You flinched under his gaze.

"Come with me."

"W-what?"

"I need you, (name). You have always been there for me before. I hurt you so many times, ignoring your feeling for me, taking you for granted...and now I can’t stand be apart from you any longer."

You shook your head. "N-no. I can't be with you. I'm with John now."

He looked sad when you said that and then a darker expression crossed his features. "You are happy with a cheap copy?" He laughed mockingly at you.

You glared at him. "He's not a cheap copy! He is a better man than you are!"

The Doctor laughed again and stopped short. "I know."

You stared at him in confusion with the way he acted. He said something cruel and the next he looked remorseful.

"I would have like for you to come quietly with me. I guess I have no choice." He said as he pulled a sonic screwdriver at you.

You recognized the sonic screwdriver as John's. You felt sudden fear for John. "What did you do? Doctor, what did you do to him?"

He snapped his fingers as the Tardis door suddenly opened. "Go ahead. He's in there."

You were hesitate at first but at the mention of John, you quickly went inside. You saw John on the Tardis floor, groaning in pain. "John!" You called out as you bend your knees near him. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Tears started to fell from your cheeks again.

"(name), run..." John whispered at you.

The Doctor went inside the Tardis but remaining standing on the doorway. He gazed at both you and John flatly.

"What did you do to him?" You demanded.

"Oh, I just reverse him. Your husband will turn into a yogurt again soon." The Doctor chuckled cruelly. "Funny that, yogurt..."

"Stop it! Just stop it! What do you want?!" You yelled.

"I told you what I want, (name)."

"What could you possibly want from me? Why are you doing this?"

He hummed. "You were always so loyal to me, (name). Back when I was sand-shoes, he treated you badly and still you stayed throughout his remaining life. You also stayed for me despite having a hard time to accept that I am still the Doctor, despite knowing what River is to me. That's why I allowed you to save him. That's why I allowed you to leave me for him. You deserve better." He said as he moved toward you, kneeling before you and cupped your face. "The first face this face saw... You are very dear to me, (name). I thought I could give you the same thing sand-shoes gave Rose. But now I realized I couldn't just let you go." He sighed. "The Dream Lord is right to warn you, (name), should have run from me. And now, I can't just let you go any longer."

"Doctor, please...don't do this."

The Doctor released you and stand up moving away from you. "So, I'm going to give you a choice, stay with me and I save your yogurt husband or refused me and well, he's yogurt...but I will still take you with me anyway." He chuckled. "Not much a choice I guess."

You glared hatefully at him. You turned to John in sorrow. "Fine. You win. Save him and I will go with you. But you have to leave him alone. No turning him back into a ganger."

"Deal." The Doctor grinned boyishly at you. You used to love that grin but now all you felt is hollow. He raised a hand toward you.

"Please let me say goodbye to him first."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Make it quick."

John groaned as the Doctor sonic-ed him into a stable condition. "(name), what did you do?"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." You whispered to him. "I have to go with him."

John's eyes widened in fear. "No, (name), he is not himself. He is dangerous."

"I know, I have no choice. He will turned you back into a ganger otherwise. Can he really do that?"

John nodded in forlorn. "Unfortunately we are smart enough to do that."

The Doctor snorted at that.

You glared at him, demanding privacy and to your surprise, he did leave. You turned back to John. "At this rate, you have to become the Doctor that the world needs, John. He told me about the resistance."

"I'm sorry. I was careless. He found out."

You shook your head. "Then you have to be better, John. You have to. You are so much more than him." You said as you caressed his cheek lovingly. "I love you."

John pulled you close and kissed you.

"Alright, that's enough." The Doctor said.

You reluctantly stood up and leave John to stand by the Doctor's side. You glanced at the Doctor. "Give me your words that you will not harm him ever again."

"I promise as long as you stay with me, John Noble will be safe."

You watched as the Doctor moved around the console, readying the Tardis for take off, leaving John behind.

7777

He acted too hard to be like the way it was before, pretending to be the Doctor and his companion traveling the universe, except the universe hates him now. And to you, he was no longer your friend or the man you used to loved. You yearned to be with John but you know you can't.

He started acting like he was John. He took you on a date night, gave you chocolate and flowers. You played along to his whims, dressed in his chosen dress, dance with him and let him kiss you. Thankfully, he didn't demand you to have sex with him. You couldn't cope otherwise. But he made you sleep in the same bed as him in a room he choose to be yours and his now.

He took you out sightseeing so many times. He even took you to a villain gala. You didn't even know that was a thing. You felt sick how the guests of that ball greeted the Doctor as if he is the star of the show or something. It was there you first met Missy. The Doctor introduced her to you and told you that Missy is actually Mistress, another name for the Master. You can hardly believe that the Doctor is actually in a good speaking term with the Master, the man that used to torture the previous Doctor back on the Valiant during the year that never was.

Missy recognized you and predictably mocked you and your situation. You were furious when you learned she is the reason why John got caught by the Doctor. But it's not like you can do anything to her. You were mad and you left the Doctor's side. You refused to be taken to this sort of party. Despite angry at you for disobeying, he agreed not to take you to a villain gala again.

"I meant I know you are always so attached with your pets, Doctor, but this is ridiculous. Sooner or later, you will lose her too, she is only human after all." You heard Missy said to the Doctor.

The dark expression that crossed his feature made you really, really nervous.

7777

You pleaded the Doctor not to force immortality on you but he ignored you.

With the help of Missy, the Doctor got his hand on a drug or some technology that can prolong your life. He insisted to make you immortal just like Jack. He said he didn't want to lose you. He said he won't let anyone take you from him. Honestly, he made you very afraid.

And then he took you to a planet called Trenzalore where he released Gallifrey upon the universe. He didn't care that the planet got burn in the fight between Gallifrey and its enemies. With the help of the Doctor, if you can even called him that anymore, Gallifrey won. The Doctor was given a new set of regeneration as a reward from Rassilion. He thanked him for the reward and then proceed to kill him, proclaiming himself as the new president of Gallifrey.

After getting what he wanted from Gallifrey, he left the planet alone and took you back into the Tardis.

You couldn't believe him. He just do all those cruel things without blinking, not an ounce of remorse in him. Was the Doctor truly lost forever? And this man, he still claimed to be the Doctor, undoing the real Doctor's life work by turning everything upside down and burn down everything good. He found glee in soiling the name 'Doctor'.

And yet what it is with his obsession with you? He never care about you to that point before. Missy eventually explained what being the first face an incarnation saw meant. You finally got what you wanted, a special place in the Doctor's hearts, but why does it has to be like this?

Missy offered you a way to escape but you were suspicious about her intention. "Frankly I don't care whether you stay with the Doctor or not as long as you and him continue to provide me with entertainment. Sure, I could help you escape him without him ever knowing I help you. But you should know, he would never stop searching for you if you do. He would even burn planet after planet just to get to you. It would be fun to watch, well, for me anyway." She said.

How can you tried to escape when the price of freedom is other planet and its people dying because of you? You are not a martyr but even so you are not that selfish. And so you stayed by his side, trying your best to rein him in when possible. You learned he is willing to be merciful in your presence. You took full advantage of it in hope to save some.

You thought of John. He was your only hope. You hope he could somehow save the world but if he can't, you can only hope he will be okay wherever he is. As you thought of your immortality, you couldn't help but cry. You were supposed to grow old with John. You don't even know how many years has passed since last you saw him.

7777

Hope resurfaced within you when you heard news about John being active in resistance, outsmarting the Doctor in his scheme. You only found out because the Doctor lost his marble after being outsmarted by John.

"I should have turn him back into a yogurt..." He said begrudgingly.

You glared at him. "You made a promise to me, don't you dare break it."

"Given the chance, you would have run back to him, wouldn't you? Perhaps I should make sure that you won't have anyone to return to but me." He said with a cruel smirk.

"I am here with you as you wanted. Don't you dare harm John."

"Fine, I won't." He said but the look in his eyes made you suspicious.

"You are not allowed to scheme against him!"

"Oh, my dearest (name), don't you worry about me hurting that yogurt husband of yours. I won't need to lift a finger against him. I know someone who would very much like to do it." He said. "She has always hated my old-self. She would probably have as much fun as me to rile him up. John Noble, the stand-in Doctor."

You realized he was talking about Missy. You froze in fear. "No, make her stop."

"No one can stop Missy once she set her eyes on something. She has always been stubborn especially when it comes to me." He said with a smirk. "But, hey, don't worry, John is basically me, right? He will do fine."

"I hate you." You said.

His smirk faltered.

You turned around and left him in the console room.

7777

You were forced to watch another planet he conquered just because of boredom. He proclaimed himself as King and you his Queen. It was all very stupid, in your opinion. He made you wear a stupid crown proclaiming that crowns are cool. When he said that, you just remembered the old Doctor who kept telling everyone how bow-ties or fezzes are cool. It made you miss the Doctor terribly.

This version of the Doctor, once in a while, made you wondered if the old Doctor still resides within him deep inside but then whenever he did, he would started acting up and did something horrible to someone else as if making up for showing weakness.

You were once attacked by a member of resistance. You thought they hope to hurt the Doctor by killing you. But by then, you were already turned as an immortal by the Doctor. The Doctor was so furious and there is nothing you can do to make him show mercy. He lets loose the oncoming storm toward those who conspire against him in retaliation. After that, once you were both at your room, he would hug you tight and won't let go as if he is fearing that you will disappear. It made you think how lonely and sad he must be. You hugged him back.

He tricked you into marrying him, dangling the fate of a planet to do it. "I'm going to give you something that John didn't." You were very confused with what he meant. "I'm going to give you my name."

Your eyes widened in shock. River is the only one who know his name before. Why is he doing this? What was the point? You were very frustrated. "John Noble is the only name that matter to me." You said.

He ignored you, forcing you instead to follow some Gallifreyan ritual.

"Smile for the camera, dearest (name)." The Doctor whispered to you. "I'm sure that yogurt husband of yours is watching us got married live."

You recoiled from him but he made a firm grab of you to keep in position as he finished the ritual.

You heard Missy made a quip about how cruel the Doctor is to you. Well, duh. But apparently, she meant the ritual because the ritual forced a mental bond to form between you and the Doctor. You might be immortal but you were not made for a mental bond.

"She will learn to adapt with it." You heard the Doctor said. "We have forever to do it."

Honestly you hated these mental bond. You have no privacy even in your own mind. He likes to invade your mind and take a look of your memories. You screamed at him to leave you alone. You wanted to cry. You are losing your mind and he know it. Thankfully he relents and left your mind alone for the most part.

7777

One day, while the Doctor is out with Missy, John appeared on board the Tardis and he gave you a small gemstone and told you to hold it close on your person. He said he knew what the Doctor did to you and that gemstone could stop him from invading your mind, blocking him so to speak.

You were happy to see him but also scared. He told you not to worry about him. He said he went back to Gallifrey and now he is as much as a real Time Lord as the Doctor. He said the Doctor can no longer turned him into a ganger so you need not to worry anymore. You can come home with him.

At first you are reluctant, worrying about what Missy had said about the Doctor never stop looking for you if you escape and will burn everything in his path in order to get to you. You are also worry for John himself should the Doctor figure out wherever you escaped to.

But John make a convincing argument and so you took his hand and left the Tardis.

Only to find out John is not real. It was always the Doctor, trying to test your devotion and you failed the test.

"You wanted to see John so much? Fine, I will let you see him." The Doctor said angrily.

The Tardis landed somewhere. The Doctor pulled you harshly outside where he forced you to see a gravestone. John's name is craved on the gravestone.

You were shocked to say the least. With a trembling fingers, you touched the carving of his name on the gravestone.

"I didn't harm him, if that is what your thinking. Missy didn't either. He died. The people he fought for turned against him and killed him."

"No, you are lying!"

"Am I? You are welcome to investigate his death, (name). You know Jack Harkness, don't you? I'm sure he will help you with your investigation. Once you satisfy your curiosity, come and find me." The Doctor said.

7777

You were furious. The Doctor didn't lie. They did turned against John. They killed him. The best part of the Doctor, and they thoughtlessly killed him. And now the world is doomed forever with the Doctor that no longer quite the Savior. Frankly, right now you no longer care about the fate of these people.

You walked absentmindedly toward the coordinate of the Tardis which your darling husband helpfully put into your mind.

The Doctor watched you as you entered the Tardis. "Welcome home, (name)."

"I'm home..." You replied blankly.

A/N: I have no idea what I write here. I was desperate to produce a new dw fanfic since I only have a day left of holiday before going back to work, hoping not to waste my time just imagining and no writing, I finally able to write this. I watched a few of my favorite dw episodes and my mind ended up get stuck in the idea of ganger!doctor hence this happened.

I hope you likes this story and if you do, please kindly drop comment and more. Honestly I'm so nervous about posting this.

I would like to say thanks to those who follow my blog and has drop a like/comment/reblog to all of my past stories. Thank you so much for making me so happy. Stay awesome, everyone!

#11th doctor x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #ganger!doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #doctor who fanfiction #dark!doctor #yandere!doctor who #shiefenwrites

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ilikeyoshi · 3 years ago

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i woke up suddenly this morning knowing EXACTLY what i wanted to write for yesterday's prompt. l'aiha and louisoux's student/teacher super friendship mean EVERYTHING TO ME. I MISS HIM.

post-ARR/coils of bahamut raid spoilers, 1,530 words

------------------------------

sil·ver lin·ing

/ˈsilvər līning/

noun

1. a sign of hope in an unfortunate or gloomy situation; a bright prospect.

From the very crest of the cavern, Phoenix fell. Yet nary a feather touched the ground before his form began to disperse, a dissolving mist of red, then blue, then finally whiter than light.

L'aiha watched in awe as Phoenix, at last, departed from the world. A harrowing journey it had been, when she'd agreed to help Alisaie Leveilleur uncover the truth about the Seventh Umbral Calamity. They'd learned more than they ever could have expected—they learned of the regenerating Elder Primal, and the hundreds of tortured dragons woven into the very walls of Dalamud to facilitate his reawakening.

And they'd learned of a phantom, whose mask all too closely resembled Alisaie's dead grandfather.

This was supposed to be the end. Bitter and gruesome, with Alisaie and her brother left devastated by the ordeal. L'aiha could only imagine what it must have felt like, but her heart bled for them.

Yet it seemed so did another's. The twinkling, drifting aether around them began to coalesce, and soon it resembled a familiar silhouette. L'aiha braced herself for another fight, expecting the phantom whom Bahamut puppeteered about his Coils.

But one look at the soft, joyous smile Louisoix gave the three of them dispelled any fear of an imposter.

"Grandfather!" Alisaie cried out, running at once to throw her arms around the prophet's waist.

Alphinaud was right behind her, and the man stooped to embrace them.

"Alisaie," he softly croaked. "Alphinaud. Oh, my sweet, beloved grandchildren..."

L'aiha stood back, stunned by the sight.

Louisoix Leveilleur. The beloved leader of the Circle of Knowing; the dearest friend of so many people L'aiha had come to cherish.

She didn't know what to say, and certainly didn't try to say it. Though she felt drawn to the scene, she withheld herself—it was not her place, she knew, but the twins' who had strived and struggled for this moment.

When Louisoix looked at her for the first time, though, he looked surprised. "You are..."

L'aiha saw the mark tattooed upon his face. The one like so many of her Scion friends', the one that forever painted her own skin, the one she'd had without any memory of a time before whence she might have earned them.

She heard it at once in his voice. He knew her.

A jolt shot through her head, sharp as a dagger—a familiar feeling by now. L'aiha whined as the Echo consumed her, and felt her feet come out from under her before the Third Coil disappeared entirely from her awareness.

When she opened her eyes to the vision, she was still laying on the ground. But instead of a cavernous roof, she saw the abyss of a red, burning sky. She saw streaks of flame descend from the Red Moon and the creature it once caged, a monster so grotesque and wrathful.

She recognized him at once. Bahamut.

A voice cried out, despaired, and L'aiha sensed it was directed at—at her. At her! This Echo vision—she was in it!

She couldn't move from the ground though. The fire rained and razed all around her. She felt so small, so helpless—yet all she could think about was... raising her arm to that hellfire sky. Why? Why? Why?

The voice called for her again, closer. Someone was approaching her prone form, yet they felt even farther away as the thought to reach up consumed her. Words danced at the edge of her mind.

"Hear... Feel... Think..."

And then L'aiha saw her arm, raised skyward, fingers splayed and palm flat to the smoke and fire. She had to stop it. She had to summon the Twelve. She had to—

At last, the source of the voice arrived. L'aiha saw none other than Louisoix's devastated face, as the prophet fell to his knees at her side. He called her something, but it wasn't L'aiha.

She felt her lips move, and heard her voice—hoarse and wet. She realized she was dying. "M-Master," she croaked. "I-I can s-still... I c-can..."

Louisoix bundled her broken body up into his arms. He was so much bigger than her; somehow, it was enough to feel safe. She dropped her hand, as she felt tears streak down her face, as hot as the falling fire.

"M-Master Lou-uisoix..."

"Hush," he whispered. She could hear the grief in his voice. "Hush, my dear."

"I-I can... I h-have to..."

"You have done enough," he said. He smiled, and she caught the glint of teary eyes. "You have done so, so much. I will finish it."

She felt nearly suffocated with a sense of failure. She felt, even as he smiled down at her with an adoration so powerful and so impossible, like she had ruined something so very important.

"Pl-please—"

"Rest yourself," Louisoix said. "You must hold on. You must—"

He stopped himself. L'aiha didn't know why, at first, until she realized she couldn't speak. She couldn't breathe. Slowly, the smile fell from Louisoix's face. He called to her, that name that wasn't L'aiha. What was it? If she could just remember it... But she couldn't answer him.

Though he knew at once she was gone, he called again, and once more after that. She saw him shake, saw his tears fall.

Who was she to him? Why did she know she was someone to him?

He shut his eyes, raking in a harsh breath. Then he smiled down at her once more.

"Rest," he said, so small and so sad. "I will finish it."

His hand came to lay over her eyes, and then the Echo's vision faded away.

"L'aiha!"

She blinked, shocked by a voice so close to her. She blinked again, and again still, until she felt droplets land on her face and at last her vision cleared.

Alisaie was at her side, her eyes dripping with tears. The moment L'aiha focused on her, the poor girl whimpered in relief.

"Thank the Twelve!" she cried, dropping to hug L'aiha tight. "Don't EVER scare me like that again!"

L'aiha heard a second weeping voice, and looked to her other side, where Alphinaud fought with all his might not to disintegrate right in front of her. But it didn't stop his tears.

"Wh-when you just collapsed, we—we feared—" A hiccup slipped, and the boy stubbornly rubbed his face in his sleeve.

"Do not despair, my grandchildren. She is well."

Memory came rushing back to L'aiha. The Coils, the Echo's fainting spell—

And Louisoix.

She wrapped an arm around Alisaie, trying to pull herself into a sit. Alphinaud realized it and took her other arm in both his hands, hoisting her until she was upright. Her eyes found the prophet at once, and all of the guilt and desperation came flooding back.

"M-Master Louisoix," she croaked so miserably. "I-I—I'm so—"

Louisoix raised a hand, gentle, and L'aiha's teeth shut with a snap. "Alphinaud, Alisaie. Let me see her."

The twins reluctantly backed away, and Louisoix approached. L'aiha hurried to her feet to meet him, whimpering and shedding tears as hot as the ones in her vision.

"I failed you," she gasped out, nearly buckling right back to the floor. "I-I failed—please, p-please forgive me—"

"My dearest student," Louisoix said, the kindness in his voice like sunlight welcoming her out of the frigid darkness. "You did everything I asked of you, and more still. You survived, just as I had prayed; just as I had tried and failed to ensure. And now you have wrested me free from Bahamut's dying grip.

"It is I who should be begging your forgiveness."

It threatened to break her. She burst into ragged sobs, throwing her arms around Louisoix, whose returning embrace felt as all-encompassing as it had in that vision.

"T-tell me," she begged. "T-tell me who I was—"

"Alas, it is not my place," Louisoix said, the sorrow in his voice potent. "But know that this love in your heart is true. Know that you were my Archon, and you have always belonged."

It was enough. In that moment, it meant everything in all the world to her.

Louisoix drew back, and scrubbed the tears from her cheeks. At first, it made her cry harder, but then she felt as if she could burst with sudden, radiant joy.

"You did it, Master Louisoix," she said. "You saved us all. I—" As quick as it came, her smile vanished again. "P-please, don't go—the Scions, Minfilia, th-they have to—"

But Louisoix shook his head, and touched a finger to the red jewel on her brow. "I am not long for this world. But I have been with you, since that dark day in Carteneau. Your aether holds a fragment of me, the spark that brought light back to your eyes—and through you, I will ever be.

"Take care of them," he said, and smiled at his grandchildren. "And know that your bond is as ours. I can think of no better a soul to entrust my Alphinaud and Alisaie to."

It was over too fast. The twins rejoined their grandfather for their final goodbyes, and the Coil glowed with Louisoux's pride and happiness. Somehow, it was still enough.

Like Phoenix, he dispersed, glistening aether like a cloud of stars around them. L'aiha closed her eyes, embracing its soft, cool touch. She remembered now, this one memory—she remembered Phoenix taking wing, and striking down Bahamut. She remembered the downpour of aether that breathed life anew into her.

"Master Louisoix," she said, opening her eyes to the twinkling embrace of the prophet's last goodbye.

Her eyes that shone with life—one gold, and suddenly, one white as light.

"Thank you."

#ffxivwrite2021 #l'aiha #louisoix leveilleur #alisaie leveilleur #alphinaud leveilleur #final fantasy #yoshi talks #yoshi's arts #THIS WAS THE HARDEST THING IVE WRITTEN IN AGES I JUST..... MISS HIM..... I MISS THEM

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cryptidshuffle · 4 years ago

Text

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke? For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately. ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

#fanfic #hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #freelatta

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