#we went to support someone else in the wider team in their musical

[melonyfelonyfellonme]

...

[caswellsbeck]

“I just don’t want you getting hurt”

Tyrus Oneshot

He hadn’t really throughly thought through his plan. He didn’t know what kind of state Tj was in, if he could walk back to his house in one piece.

What he did know was he was finally going to see what a high school party was like.

Or

Tj & Cyrus’s first I love you’s

————

It’s not that Cyrus didn’t want to learn what it was like to go to a high school party. He had seen it plenty of times on television. The music, the dancing, teens drunkingly making out in any corner they could. He was always curious of the reality of it all.

And for one split second, he considered caving into Tj’s offer and going with him to their first high school party.

He wishes it would be Andi’s party’s in middle school, him and his friends dancing, smiling in the moment, forgetting their problems for one night and coming together to get lost in the music.

But the reality was, while Cyrus knew the beauty of a party, he also knew the side effects of a high school one.

Alcohol.

He wouldn’t admit it, especially to Tj, but the thought of drinking, people being drunk, it terrified him.

Not the cheery, good times, just two drinks kind of occasion, that seemed just fine to him.

But the drink a whole bottle of vodka, getting into fights, puking on the bathroom tiles the next day situation did not seem appealing to him.

Nor did he want Tj in that situation.

And that’s why they were fighting, that’s why Cyrus was standing with his hands crossed, trying to look as intimidating as he could to convince Tj to stay in with him that Friday night.

But Tj was set on this party.

“Come on it will be fun, I promise”

“You can’t keep promises like that when you’re drunk, Tj.”

“I promise you we don’t have to drink, let’s just have fun, Cyrus” He said, slightly mocking him by using his name in the same manner Cyrus had used his own right before.

This back and fourth banter had been occurring for a few minutes, and neither of them were set on changing their opinion anytime soon.

“What if you get hurt, what if someone peer pressures you to drink and you end up fighting someone. What if someone else fights you? What if the cops show up and we get arrested and you can never play basketba-“

“You’re rambling, underdog.”

Cyrus softly took Tj’s hand, in an effort to persuade his boyfriend into agreeing with him, but also for comfort.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“And I won’t, which is why-“

“We will be staying in and watching ocean documentaries all night, my place?” Cyrus smiled, assuming his planned work and Tj finally listened to his cries.

“I was gonna say we should go get ready cause the party starts in an hour.” Tj said, feeling defeated.

“Why Tj, why do you want to go so bad? So you can get drunk and not remember anything? What’s so cool about that” Cyrus’s mood started to shift, yet he was nervous to show Tj any emotion that wasn’t love, affection, and support.

They couldn’t have their first big fight, Cyrus thought to himself, not over something this minuscule.

“Because it’s the party to kick off the basketball season, my first season as the only freshman on varsity” Tj stated, putting emphasis on the word ‘only’

“And what, you need to do this to fit in? Tj you already have proved your spot on the team, everyone knows how amazing you are” He slightly smiled, and if he wasn’t so angry at Tj his smile would be much wider.

“They don’t accept me cause I’m younger, I just want to fit in- god cyrus why is this so hard for you to understand” Tj didn’t mean to sound aggressive. He hated when he grew mad at Cyrus, he hated the thought of the ‘old Tj’ coming back, even for a slight second. And when he heard his voice, the way he spoke to Cyrus in that moment, he became scared of himself.

“Why don’t you just listen to me Tj, do you even know who’s house your going to, who’s gonna be there, what’s gonna be there, are parents going to be home? These are upperclassmen? We haven’t even been to a freshman part-“

“And here we go again.” Tj let out a sigh, half admiration for how cute Cyrus was when he babbled on, half anger for him not understanding his side of things.

“You’re starting to sound like my mom,” Tj quickly said, lightly laughing, before Cyrus could start talking again.

“I’m just trying to protect you!” He exclaimed, his voice filled with more anger and force than he possibly wanted.

But Tj didn’t know that. He took it as anger and force, and used it right back, while slowly taking his hand away from Cyrus’s grip.

“Well don’t. I don’t need your protection.” He said, his voice colder than he wanted it to be.

But Cyrus didn’t know that.

“Then go to the party then Tj, just don’t call when it doesn’t end up going your way” Cyrus said, walking away. He walked as fast as he could, trying to get out of the park as quickly as he could to prevent any chance of him running into Tj’s arms and immediately apologizing.

He could hear Tj yelling his name, begging for them to make amends, but he ignored every last one, even if deep down, he didn’t want to.

He was mad, really mad. But he still cared about Tj more than he has ever cared about anything. And that’s what scared him the most. Not their first big fight, not that Tj might possibly never talk to him again. No, it was the fact that he possibly might of hurt Tj, or worse, that Tj might get hurt that night, that’s what left a few tears trickling down his eyes.

———

11:50 p.m.

Cyrus had been checking his phone, non stop, feeling as addicted to it as Amber was.

He tried to get his mind off Tj, putting on the Tv, trying to read a book, even a documentary about Dinosaurs.

However, none of those remedies helped his pain.

All he could think about was what he said to Tj, and what Tj could possibly be doing at that moment.

‘Showering’ he thought to himself, maybe taking a shower would cure the turmoil in his thoughts, at least make his inner voice less loud in the moment.

But as he reached to check his phone one last time, he got a call from Amber.

This can’t be good.

Reluctantly, he picked it up, scared for the news that might be on the over side of the phone.

“I’m closing at the Spoon tonight and I won’t get out of work for another hour but Tj just called and I need you to pick him up from a party” Amber spoke so quickly she dared to breathe in between her words. Cyrus had never heard someone talk so fast, so worried.

“I don’t know if Tj would want that, we-“

“Had a fight, I know, but Cyrus my little brother is puking in some random kids bathroom, please do me this one favor, baby taters on me tomorrow?”

Puking. Tj. Party.

All his fears quickly became a reality. It hit him like a truck, he quickly stood up with determination to find his boyfriend and take care of him. He was furious, his whole body filled with rage, sadness. But he wasn’t going to let his emotions stop him from going to Tj and giving him all the comfort he needed.

“What if he doesn’t-“

“Cyrus. My brothers a dumbass, I think we all can agree on that. But if there’s one thing that kid knows, It’s that he cares about you. And he needs you right now, so for me, please.”

Amber continued to convince him, but Cyrus didn’t need persuasion this time.

“Send me the address, I’m there.”

And with a quick text from Amber, Cyrus began his walk to take his boyfriend home.

——-

He hadn’t really throughly thought through his plan. He didn’t know what kind of state Tj was in, if he could walk back to his house in one piece.

What he did know was he was finally going to see what a high school party was like.

He could hear the music coming out of the house he stood in front of, shocked it hadn’t been shut down.

He was so nervous to walk in, intimidated by what may lay behind those doors, but he was suddenly there, standing in the party.

And it was not like he would imagine.

Sure, there was dancing, music, teens making out in every corner. But it wasn’t as romanticized as the films he had previously watched. There were teens talking, slurring their words, people who would clearly would be puking soon laying on the couch, laughing hysterically. But there was dancing, lots of sloppy, drunk dancing. And Cyrus admired that, how free they seemed.

But his thoughts quickly turned back to more important matters, where this bathroom was.

He was lucky everyone was drunk enough, preoccupied enough to not notice a random stranger walk in the front door. He tested his luck with that one, and didn’t dare test it again to ask someone where this bathroom was. So he searched, up and down, when he finally found his boyfriend, sitting on the floor of the bathroom, his head resting on his hands as he sat, using the toilet as a pillow.

“Hey, don’t get mad, I’m just here to see if you’re okay and bring you home” Cyrus said softly, not wanting to scare the blonde boy.

“You came! Amber told me you were on your way, I thought she was lying.” he said, before admiringly exclaiming “you’re really pretty.”

“Of course I came. But no time for compliments, time to get you home.” The anger he had for Tj increases as he saw the state he was in. He looked so pale, so sweaty, so weak. It was a side of him Cyrus never saw.

Cyrus was just relieved to see no sign of a black eye.

“I’m sorry” Tj apologized, as Cyrus helped him stand up for the first time in an hour. He felt dizziness and nausea through his whole body. He fell back down to the ground, and went right back into his previous position

“No standing up right now.” Tj crossed his arms, looking like a toddler who didn’t get their way.

“I’m sorry” those words left Tj’s mouth for a second time, another time where Cyrus refused to respond.

He didn’t know how to answer.

And when he didn’t answer, Tj repeated the words “I’m sorry” over. And over. And over.

Cyrus finally caved in.

“It’s okay, we can talk in the morning”

“I wanna talk now!” Tj insisted, as Cyrus noticed the spot of vomit covering the floor. He grimaced at the sight, but knew he had to stay strong. For Tj.

“Thelonious Jagger-“

“You don’t dare use my full name!” Cyrus laughed at how shocked he was when he used his full name, for the first time since he had told it to him.

If Tj could break a promise, he could, just this once, too.

“Thelonious. This is what I didn’t want, I didn’t want you getting drunk and puking all over a strangers bathroom! Why would you do this Tj, you know better. At least I thought you did.” Cyrus stopped his voice from getting loud and angry this time. It was silent as Cyrus reluctantly cleaned it up. ‘Only for Tj’ he thought to himself.

“I promise” he said, a wave of nausea hitting him before he could continue his next words. When he got control of himself again, he began to speak, as Cyrus stayed silent until he knew Tj was done speaking. “I promise I wasn’t going to drink at first. But then we fought and I just wanted to forget all about it. The thought of us fighting, worse- of us breaking up, I couldn’t handle it. All I could see was your cute, cute face in my mind” Cyrus could feel the emotions in Tj’s slurred words, and he couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy drunk Tj’s words about him. Even if they had been dating for months, Cyrus got butterflies everytime the other boy complimented him.

“You did this because of m-“

“ I’m not finished!” Tj would be yelling if he had it in him to. “I’m sorry Cy, I know how much you didn’t want this. I did it to forget what happened. I know me, big scary basketball guy, scared to feel actual emotions, shocking!” Tj’s little laughs, his intoxicating behavior. It was too cute for Cyrus to not admire.

“It’s okay Tj. I’m sorry I made you so upset you thought you had pull something as stupid and idiotic as this. But that doesn’t mean drinking so much you puke your brains out! I trusted you.”

“You don’t trust me anymore?” He looked up at Cyrus with the cutest puppy dog eyes, so cute that the anger inside Cyrus started to go away.

“After this? Not really” he shrugged, trying so hard not to argue with Tj.

“So you’re breaking up with me?”

“No, of course not” Tj was currently playing with Cyrus’s hair as he sat next to him on the disgusting floor. Tj definitely owed him a lifetime supply of cuddles. And Amber owed him a life time supply of baby taters.

“But you can’t do this, you can’t drink this much. You could’ve gotten more hurt, I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt.” Cyrus had to contain his emotions, as he felt himself on the verge of tears. “I forgive you Tj, I won’t forget this, but I will forgive you. Now come on let’s get you home”

Cyrus helped the taller boy up with every inch of strength he had in his body. They began to walk home, as Tj stumbled, swinging Cyrus’s hand that he held up and down dramatically and badly singing lyrics to random 80’s songs.

They finally arrived at Tj’s house, and luckily his parents were not home from their date night yet, or else Tj would of had two other people to worry about being mad at him.

Cyrus picked out pajamas for Tj to wear, shamelessly the ones he thought looked cutest on the boy, and prepared to say goodbye. As Tj began to fall asleep, Cyrus kissed his forehead, and began to walk away, being stopped as he heard three very unfamiliar words from his boyfriend’s mouth

“I love you, Underdog.”

Those words.

Those words hurt.

All the emotions of the day hit Cyrus at once, like a rollercoaster at full force.

They had never said those words before.

“I love you too, but you’re drunk, if you remember, tell me in the morning.”

———

And at 10:36 the next morning, Cyrus got a text from a, extremely hungover, Tj, saying

“I love you, Underdog, thank you for last night. Sorry I was such a mess.”

and Cyrus spent the whole morning with the boy he loved, googling random hangover cures and eating baby taters Amber had brought to him, as promised.

[sunsetsouth]

Bed Peace

We should stay right here

We should lay right here

‘Cause everything is okay right here

Pairing: Jaebum x OC

Genre: Fluff

Prompt/Inspiration: Bed Peace- Jhene Aiko and Childish Gambino

Notes: I’ve been so tired at work lately that I couldn’t help but wonder, “how would it feel to come home to someone and just tell them about your day?”. I had a totally different ending in mind when I first wrote this, but it just naturally went that route. Hah.

Oh, and who doesn’t love a fluffy Jaebum?

The light from the fridge shed brightness onto their dark kitchen. It was almost 4 and she was supposed to be asleep, but she could not keep her mind off that slice of strawberry shortcake she took home after a long day at work. Crouching slightly so she’s on eye level with the bottom shelf, she reached a hand inside the fridge, grabbing the tiny box that stored her guilty pleasure.

She then quickly plopped down on one of the table stools by their kitchen bar, grabbed a fork and happily dug into her dessert. Layers of fluffy cake, strawberries and cream melted in her mouth and she could not help but sigh in delight. It was just pure heavenly bliss, the way they tickled her taste buds and satisfied her cravings so easily.

It was funny how every little quirk Jaebum has slowly rubbed off on her, from the way he would stack his clothes in the closet to grabbing midnight snacks before getting to bed. Maybe it really was true what people say—you become a mirror image of your significant other the longer you stay in a relationship with them. She used to eat light meals when she was living alone, but after moving in with Jaebum, she eventually adapted his eating habits as well.

“Where could he be,” she wondered aloud as the thought of him crossed her mind. Jaebum told her earlier that day how he’s only going to stay at the venue for the whole day and fly back home to Seoul once the concert’s over. He was actually quite sad at the thought as he wanted to stay a bit longer so he could roam around and take pictures like he always does.  She then made a mental note to check flight prices to where they are right now in the coming months so she can probably surprise him with a little trip once he has time to go on vacation.

The shirt she was wearing- the one he wore to bed before he left earlier that day- still smelled of him. It became a habit of hers to wear his clothes whenever she would miss him and tonight wasn’t any different. Jaebum had been away for quite a while as the team completed the North and South American leg of their tour and was only home for a few days before continuing the remaining ones. The album preparations would probably take most of his time again within the coming weeks so she had to prepare herself for more days of wearing his shirts just so she could feel him beside her.

Her phone suddenly lit up and rang, telling her a message just came in. She excitedly reached out for it, knowing all too well who it was.

“Hi, babe. I’m sorry the flight was a bit delayed. I’m coming home in a few.”

A little smile made its way to her lips. After all this time of being with him, she must admit that his messages still made her feel all the butterflies in her stomach. His smile and touch still made her heart do backflips and somersaults. There was really just something with this man that keeps her coming back for more.

“It’s okay, my love. I bought some strawberry shortcake on my way home. I’ll be saving some for you.”

“Awesome! I’m on my way now. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, too.”

A few minutes later, she heard some shuffling by the door, followed by the sound of someone keying the password in. She felt her cheeks heat up in anticipation. Finally, Jaebum has arrived.

“I’m home,” he called out by the hall. She can definitely hear a faint trace of exhaustion behind his sweet voice. But knowing Jaebum, he was definitely making an effort to hide it all in.

She honestly couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Being the leader of a famous group surely takes its toll on him sometimes. But what can she do? Jaebum loved his craft so much, and asking him to slow down won’t just cut it. All that she can do for him was to be his pillar of support, especially on days when he cannot even carry himself.

“I’m right here by the kitchen, babe.”

It took all of her will power to stop herself from jumping into his arms the moment she saw his beautiful smile.

“You look beautiful in my shirt,” he commented, a faint shade of rose coloring his cheeks. “You always do.”

“Come here. I told you I’ll save some cake for you,” she said, patting the stool right next to her.

His smile grew wider as he sat down beside her, his arm snaking around her waist automatically, like it had always belonged there.

“Did you miss me?”

“I could ask you the same,” she threw right back at him. “I didn’t hear from you the entire day.”

She saw how his eyes flickered at her words. Of course she didn’t mean to make him feel guilty in any way, but she also knew how bad being away from her made him feel. He wasn’t particularly clingy, but Jaebum would always remark how little the times that they spend with each other were.

“Come on,” she elbowed him playfully as a grin spread across her face. “I was just kidding. I know how busy you guys are with the tour. Ease up a little!”

He could only laugh at her sheepishly. “I thought you’re seriously upset.”

“No, I will never be,” she answered, holding out a forkful of cake for him to feed on. “I understand you, my love. Always.”

They sat in silence as they finished what remained of the cake she brought in earlier. It was moments like these that she treasured the most—just being around one another and knowing that their hearts are beating in tune without even uttering a word. Maybe that’s how it really felt like to find your soul mate, that one person who fits all the jagged edges of your life perfectly.

Soon, the two of them emptied out the container, their tummies full and satisfied. They stood up from the counter and started cleaning up, preparing themselves for bed.

She watched his figure as he emerged from the shower, hand still holding the towel as he dried his hair up. Sleep was starting to creep up on her as she felt her lids get heavier by the minute. Today had been quite a long day, but she did not want to give in to her tiredness just yet. Tomorrow, Jaebum would be heading early to the studio again and would probably be locked up in there until the wee hours of the morning. She wanted to savor this moment of being around one another before they let their personal lives take over them once again when the day breaks.

Rolling a little on her side, she watched as he sat with his back against her, the bed dipping a little with his weight. He eventually laid on his back, scooting close to her as he tucked himself under the blankets.

She was caught in surprise when Jaebum suddenly leaned in closer, laying his head on her chest. A soft giggle escaped her lips as she wrapped her arms around him. It had been quite a while since he cuddled up to her like this. Usually, he would just drape an arm on her waist, pulling her close to his chest.

“Admit it,” she teased. “You missed me, right?”

Like a little kid, he coyly looked up to her face through his lashes, and then buried his face on her chest again. She just couldn’t help but smile at this.

To many people, he was that strong and dependable leader of the band, the one who put the chaos that was his 6 brothers in order. But behind closed doors, Jaebum was nothing but a pure soul, an untainted heart with nothing but affection and love that he sometimes find hard to show.

“Tell me about your day,” she whispered against his hair. “How was the show?”

He quietly began his story, chuckling a little at the mention of his band mates who more often than not drive him to wits end with their crazy antics. It always warmed her heart the way he spoke of his music like it was the only thing that mattered in his world. Jaebum has so much passion inside of him that she can almost see his soul light up at the mention of the thing that sets his heart on fire.

“What about you?” he asked her this time, looking up into her eyes again.

“Oh you know, the usual,” she remarked. “I almost got yelled at today by my boss, nothing big.”

The concern in his eyes grew bigger upon hearing her words. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried calling you earlier, but I guess you were busy,” she explained. “But hey, don’t worry about it. It was just a big misunderstanding after all.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were having a bad day,” he murmured against her chest.

She had to laugh a little at him again. “I was. But then I saw your face earlier and I thought, hey, this life wasn’t so bad after all.”

“I love you,” he uttered, the last word almost fading into a whisper as sleep crept up on him.

“I never forget that,” she answered. “Go to sleep now, my love.”

With that, she felt his body relax against her touch, his breathing gentle and even as he drifted off to dreamland. She could not help but let out a sigh- of both contentment and bliss- knowing that this right here, this was her idea of heaven. And with Jaebum in her arms, nothing else mattered. It was just him and her.

[yanyan-chen]

COLLEGE AUーDING ZEREN pt.1

•have you seen this boy dance??

•because WOW

•did i fall for him the second he started dancing???? yes

•ok on with the story

•zeren has been dancing for as long as he could remember,,

•boy was probably dancing in his mother’s womb lol

•whenever he heard music, his body couldn’t help but move along to the beats no matter where he was. like he’d tap his feet,, or bop his head,, or do little arm movements,,,sometimes he forgets about his surroundings,,,,like once,,, he was at a cafe w his friends right

•and he started grooving to the song,,,and as the song went on, his movements got wider,,,and then his elbow hit quanzhe’s drink

•let’s just say that zeren spent almost the entire day trying to remove the stain from the poor kid’s shirt

•only to have to spend $30 buying a new shirt

•and have quanzhe swear that he’ll never sit next to zeren again

•anyways,,

•he’s been in various dance competitions and either won first or second place, never anything less

•dancing was something that meant a lot to him. whenever he was stressed or overwhelmed, he would dance to relax his mind

•so when he got to college, he obviously chose to be a dance major

•he even became one of the leaders of the university’s dance team and always performed at festivals

•dance team also consisted of zhengting, jieqiong, and chengxiao

•so speaking of the dance team

•they were holding auditions soon to recruit two more members to fill in for the members that just graduated

•guess who decided to try out!!!

•if you guessed that it was you

•ding ding ding zeren you’re correct

•dancing was also something that you loved ever since you were a kid

•you loved how dancing allowed you to freely express yourself through all sorts of movements and there were no restrictions on what you had to do

•contrary to your life

•your parents expected you to become a doctor or just anything in the medical field. nothing else was allowed. they always disregarded your dreams and forced you to live the way they wanted you to. they’re always comparing you to their friends’ children too. like “so-and-so got accepted to one of the top universities. why aren’t you putting in more effort to be like him?” “so-and-so got all 100s on her report card, why aren’t you putting in more effort to be like her?”

•”why aren’t you putting in more effort to” was a phrase that you constantly heard throughout your life. they were never satisfied with your accomplishments. whenever you get high 90s on anything, they ask why didn’t you get 100s. they always say you don’t put in enough effort or you’re doing things half-heartedly when you really work as hard, if not harder, than the highest achievers. even when you get academic awards, they say “that’s how it should be”

•all you want is for them to acknowledge your achievements even if it’s just ONCE

•so when you got to college, you decided to go to one that was far from your home

•it also so happened to be the one your best friend, chengcheng, was going to, so you were more than content. you chose to be a pharmaceutical sciences major to satisfy your parents’ wish, but chose to try out for the dance team so you had something you were interested in in college. you wanted to join in your first year of college, but it was full ///:

•but not anymore !!

•so! onto auditions

•it was set to be in the afternoon exactly a week after the first semester began, and chengcheng went with you for support, but also because another good friend of his would be there

•you sat in one of the seats as you waited for your turn, and everyone was really talented so you were lowkey Shook™ and wanted to run away bc there’s no way that you can win against them?? but chengcheng wouldn’t let you

•when it was finally your turn, you were like !!!! the whole time you walked onto the stage. it’s not like you lacked confidence or anything, you were just nervous........cause y’kno......one of the judges was none other than THE ding zeren

•you’ve always watched him dance at festivals and you admired him a lot. not only did he have good as hECK looks, but he was such a skilled dancer

•but hey, you weren’t the only one admiring him. bc at one of the festivals, he was walking around w the dance team when he noticed you at your group’s stand selling snacks and his heart skipped a beat bc ?? you’re so beautiful ??? who are you ??? and before he could go to you, zzt pulled him away saying that they needed to prepare to perform soon. so today, he was determined to find out who you are and talk to you. but then he looked at your application form and was surprised bc ?? a pharmaceutical major?? joining the dance team???? everyone that auditioned so far were dance majors or fine arts majors. so as cute as you were, he was ready to complain to ting about how they’re gonna waste their time by watching your performance bc he really wasn’t expecting you to know how to dance, but no he froze the second you started moving. you were so graceful ??? and you controlled all of your movements so well. you hit every beat of the song and you gained more confidence as you danced

•soon, it was over and zeren over here was like :O

•so were all the other dance team members tbh

•cause, as yixing would’ve said, you had the balance

•they all unanimously agreed to recruit you

•after a couple more people performed, the dance members got together to choose the last person to join. then, zhengting came up on the stage. “thank you to all of you for showing your interest in joining our dance team!! you all are very talented, but sadly, we can only choose two members” he proceeded to give a little speech about how they shouldn’t give up even if they aren’t selected and that they should try again next time. when he finally announced the names, you were on the edge of your seat with your hand tightly holding chengcheng’s. “the first member we are accepting is.......zhou yanchen!” the auditorium erupted in applauds, and it took a few minutes for it to die down. “and the last member is....” you could only vaguely hear your name bc chengcheng immediately started screaming and jumped out of his seat. “I TOLD YOU THAT YOU’D MAKE IT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU” he’s such a precious kid i love him. lots of people were applauding for you too. you were still in shock when chengcheng shook you and nodded his head towards the stage, indicating you were supposed to be going up. you quickly stood up and nearly tripped as you made your way to the stage. you and yanchen bowed to the audience and judges before thanking them. the whole time, zeren couldn’t take his eyes off of you. he was awestruck by your talent and on top of that, you were gorgeous bro

•after auditions, chengcheng ran up onto the stage where you still stood, talking to yanchen. you saw him running up and expected him to go to you,, but nope he turned the opposite way and went up to zeren

•was he the friend that chengcheng was talking about??? THE ding zeren is friends with your idiot chengcheng?????? you were frozen as you stood there, staring at chengcheng and zeren speaking

•you only snapped out of it when zhengting came and started to tell you and yanchen more details about practice

•fast forward to a week later

•spring was coming !!! meaning that the spring festival was coming soon!! fun activities !!! cool performances !!!! gOoD fOoD !!!!!!!!

•so it’s been a decent amount of time since you were accepted, so you became fairly close with all of the members, especially yanchen and chengxiao. you and zeren only had small talk every now and then about the choreography, when practices were, or something stupid that chengcheng did recently

•anw back to the festival! the committee in charge of getting the festival ready decided bring back the romance concept. cause y’kno like flowers, love blossoms during the spring. i’m so poetic

•for the acts, you guys decided to send three groups to perform a medley of couple dances

•the pairings were chengxiao and zhengting, jieqiong and yanchen, and............you and zeren

•you were surprised when zhengting announced the pairings.........bc omg you were gonna dance with ding zeren..........to a couple song !!!!!!!!

•zhengting said the names were randomly chosen but he’s a liar he lowkey thought you two would look cute together but he totally wasn’t planning on telling anyone that. zeren was hoping you’d be his partner too tbh so the boy was thrilled to hear his name being called with yours. he’d been wanting to get to know you more but he never knew what to say or was too shy. but he managed to muster up the courage to ask if you were free that weekend to come up with a choreography

•you were super excited bro

•but had to come off chill so you were like oh,,,, yeah sure

•but on the inside you were screaming with joy

•when the weekend came, zeren knocked on your door. taking a deep breath, you checked your reflection in the mirror quickly before opening the door. you smiled and greeted him as he greeted you back, flashing a grin that exposed his dimples. your heart almost jumped out of your chest because wow he’s so adorable and good-looking??? he was dressed in sweatpants and a normal t-shirt.......but still....how can someone look so good???? you probably looked like a bum

•that’s not what zeren thought though. he thought you looked pretty with your hair tied up, a couple of loose strands framing your face. his gaze went down to your lips and noticed the shade of lipstick you applied was slightly lighter than what you usually had on before they quickly went back up to your eyes. neither of you realized you were just staring at each other until your roommate coughed, making you both flustered before zeren spoke up

•”oh, uh, ready to go?”

•“yeah! let’s go”

•so you both headed over to the practice room. it was kind of an awkward walk bc neither of you knew what to say nor have you been alone together. but halfway there, zeren decided to ask you something he’s been curious about

•“so...how come you’re not a dance major?”

•”ah...my parents didn’t want me to choose that. they wanted me to have a medical profession. it’s fine though, as long as they’re happy.”

•he noticed the hint of sadness in your voice as you said the last sentence, so he chose not to question you further. upon arriving at the practice room, you guys jumped right into it. first, you needed to choose a song. you and zeren looked through a list of songs prepared by ting and didn’t take long to settle with say you won’t let go by james arthur. as you listened to the song, your bodies flowed with the melody. but since this is a love song...........you had to be fairly intimate......and the thing is....... you were both flustered messes. you were either tripping over your own feet or you stepped onto each other’s feet. but overall, you guys were doing well, like you got most of what you needed down. so, you decided to call it a day and head back to your dorm rooms. as you were going back, you debated whether you should ask zeren to join you for dinner since it was already 7pm, but before you opened your mouth, zeren invited you to go to a restaurant with him. the restaurant that he took you to was relatively small and close to campus. as soon as you walked in, you were greeted by a warm aroma of freshly cooked noodles. an elderly woman, whom you assumed was the owner, cheerfully welcomed you in and led you to a table. she took your orders and before she left, she commented that this was the first time zeren came in with a girl and not his rowdy friends, causing zeren to groan and usher her to go away. she only smiled innocently before disappearing into the kitchen. shortly after, she came out with two bowls of noodles

•and it was love at first sight because they looked SO GOOD and after you finished drooling over the food, you tasted it and the taste was even better than its appearance like omg where has this restaurant been all my life. and as you ate your food, zeren started to ask you questions like “when did you start to dance?” and “why do you like to dance?” and once you gave your answers, he’d share his own answers before you asked him some questions

•and this went back and forth until both your bowls were empty. you could feel yourself opening up more with each question and the same thing goes for zeren. zeren hasn’t been able to feel this comfortable around someone that he wasn’t close to before. he really enjoyed being in your company and wished he had talked to you sooner afterwards, he walked you to your dorm before going to his own

•during the next couple of days, you and zeren spent more time together in the practice room (and quickly finished the choreo) and inevitably grew closer. as that happened, you started to notice that you’d see him around campus more often. one morning, you walked by his lecture room and saw him standing outside. you asked him why he didn’t go in and he answered that his teacher was late so he just waited outside. this continued every morning though like you’d see him just standing there on his phone or looking through a notebook, and when you walked by he’d always greet you with a smile and ask if you slept well or make some kind of small talk

•and you’d be lying if you said that wasn’t your favorite way to start your mornings

•he gave you coffee once saying that they messed up his order so he got another coffee for free but for some reason the “messed up” coffee was exactly how you liked your coffee so you were like ???

•other times, you’d pass by him on campus and he’d always wave enthusiastically with both hands no matter how far he was from you and honestly that’s just the cutest thing ever. or he would end the conversation with whoever he was talking to and then run over to you and ask where you were going next and he’d walk with you to your next class

•one morning, you walked by zeren’s class and didn’t see him. you thought that he must’ve just overslept, so you continued to your class. but afterwards, you still didn’t see him at the usual spots that he’d be hanging around, so you decided to call him, but he didn’t pick up. when you saw one of his friends walk by, you asked if he’s seen zeren but he said he hasn’t seen him since yesterday afternoon. worried, you decided to head over to his dorm to see if he was there. as you were walking to his dorm, it started to rain. you cursed under your breath as you began to run to the dormitory, but you still ended up getting soaked. upon arriving, you walked down the hallway, unsure which room was his. probably should’ve thought of that before coming but anw. as you continued down the hall, chengcheng came out of one of the rooms and saw you. “HEY, IT’S Y/N! wait, are you okay? you might catch a cold like that”

•”i’m fine! don’t worry. have you seen zeren? i haven’t seen him all morning and he wasn’t picking up my calls so i wanted to check if he was okay”

•”have you checked the library? he was having trouble sleeping last night so he went there”

•”oh, i’ll go there now. thanks” and you turned to leave but then started sneezing continuously. chengcheng took off his hoodie and threw it over your head

•”put that on. you’re already getting sick” and you thanked him again before pulling it over your head and going to the library. chengcheng just watched you leave and sighed. “they obviously like each other but they’re too dumb to realize it”

•when you got to the library, you went all around it but couldn’t find him. as you were leaving, you bumped into zhengting. you asked if he’s seen zeren, and he replied that zeren just woke up and is heading over to his class now. you were relieved to hear that he was okay, but now you were concerned about yourself because you were shivering and constantly sneezing. zhengting offered to take you to the infirmary or get some medicine for you bc he’s an angel but you declined and said that you should head to class now. anyways after all your classes were over, you went over to the practice room to rehearse. zeren came slightly later than the planned time, and you noticed that he wasn’t his usual upbeat self. like he greeted you half-heartedly and there was just a negative aura surrounding him. and you would’ve tried to cheer him up but you honestly had no stamina left like you really should’ve taken some medicine before coming

•and because of your lack of stamina, you began getting frustrated because you were constantly half a beat off. you could tell zeren was feeling frustrated too but he was trying to hold it in. but as soon as you stepped on his foot for the third time that day, he couldn’t control it anymore. “what’s wrong with you? why aren’t you putting any effort into this? is it because it’s not your major so you don’t care?” you would’ve been fine if he had only said the last sentence. but no his first sentences hit you hard, because memories of all the times that your parents said that to you came rushing back. you immediately grabbed your things and rushed out of the practice room, leaving zeren there alone. his frustration dissipated when he saw the upset expression on your face as you left. he let out a sigh as he went to the back of the room and sat down, leaning against the wall. not too long after you left, chengcheng came running in looking for you

•”where’s y/n??”

•“oh...she just left. why?”

•“i have some medicine for her cold. she was running all over the place looking for you even though it was pouring outside”

•and that’s when it hit him. you got sick while you were worrying about him, and yet you were trying your best to practice

•and he even yelled at you. feeling guilty, he grabbed the medicine from chengcheng and ran out of the practice room

•chengcheng just froze there and stared at his hand

•like bro what just happened

•zeren ran out of the performing arts building but then stopped. where could you have gone?? he contemplated calling you but he doubted you’d pick up. then, he remembered about the place you’d always go to when something upset you

•the rooftop

•the boy nearly flew up the stairs at the speed that he was running at. when he opened the door, he found you sitting with your back against the wall, one earbud in your ear, and your eyes closed. he took in a deep breath as he slowly approached you. you were slightly startled when you felt something nudge you, but relaxed when you saw it was zeren. “uh...hey. here’s your medicine”

•“oh, thanks”

•you were quiet as he explained, slowly starting to feel bad for storming out on him after how badly his day was going. you forgave him, saying that you understood why he acted that way after all that he went through before explaining exactly why you were upset by what he said. he listened attentively as you talked about your parents and all the expectations they had for you, and how they always dismissed it when you met those expectations, and how they were never supportive of you. he apologized again before pulling you into a hug, mumbling how he never meant to hurt you like that, or at all for that matter. you were surprised at first, but quickly returned the hug. zeren decided that there was no way that you could practice in this condition, so he took you back to your dorm. he came back not too long after leaving and brought you a bowl of noodle soup. you expected him to leave afterwards because you were more than thankful that he was that thoughtful, but no he invited himself in saying “my mom said that you should never leave a sick person alone so here i am. let’s watch a movie”

•and that’s how your roommate walked in to a sleeping you and zeren wrapped in a blanket and snuggling on the couch with hercules still playing and an empty bowl on the table

•she def took pictures for future references, and you were both embarrassed messes when she woke you up

•a couple days before the festival, you were completely well again and the three groups practiced together. everything went smoothly and you were all satisfied with how it went. on d-day, you were slightly nervous because this was the first time that you would be performing in front of such a hUGE crowd. but everyone in the dance team especially zeren reassured you that you would do great. after watching a couple of the performances, it was finally your group’s turn. the performance went so much better than you expected. like as soon as you stepped onto the stage, your nervousness melted away. the crowd loved the performance too like they were cheering louder than they did for the other ones

•so yeah!! spring fest performance was a big success, and zeren decided to ask you to go to disney to celebrate with him

•and of course you agreed

•and yanchen overheard him inviting you and he was like wow we used to be best buddies how could u leave me out

•unofficial date at disney!

part two

[kyunsmaindish]

Entry [1/??]

Summary: My name is Twelve. Real name - [redacted]. Siren. Phantom Beta. Maybe it could have been different. But it’s not. So, here we are. In PHASe. Trying to figure everything out.

 [ Story does not follow chronological order. Includes pre-game, in-game, post-game timelines. ]

Note: So I’m finally getting around to writing this. Lately I’ve been interested in To the Edge of the Sky - a BTS fan game. I got into it enough that I made an OC for it and decided to do some writing with them in it. You can read some on said OC here. This series...I’m not sure when it will end or where it will go. It’s not following any chronological order and I’m tending to write about whatever I feel like at the time. Thank you for taking the time to read it, though!

I was fifteen when I first made some real friends in Olympia.

That’s not to say I never had friends. I did, but it’s easy to tell when they’d force a smile or giggle at an obviously obnoxious joke. They didn’t speak truthfully. They hid behind their parents’ money, filling up their emptiness (our emptiness) with jewelry or clothes or whatever was expensive and could be in their room within an hour. We were just kids, though. 

So what if they were a little heartless? It’s not like they were happy about being pushed by rich parents to make ties with the other wealthy kids their age. My friends and I shared a mutual tolerance for one another. That was the previous life, however. Friends in this life were made when you were getting thrown off your feet. 

Combat training for operatives was required regardless of classification, and I didn’t believe the instructor meant to toss me that hard onto the ground. It didn’t make my right side hurt any less, though, and it certainly did not help with the frustration that sprung up suddenly. 

“Get up, trainee,” the instructor ordered, feeling bad about tossing me or not. 

It was their job, I told myself, so there wasn’t reason for them to go easy on me even if I’m new. But damn. If I wasn’t so enraged at the mere casual tone of their voice--

I shook my head, face first in the ground and fogging up the glassy floor. 

‘To hell with it,’ I thought, ‘To hell with getting my butt handed to me like this in front of everyone.’ 

I was stuck. Stuck in that high and mighty mentality even after the past few months of watching my life turn into unorganizable clutter. I hadn’t taken the step back yet, thinking I could still get back the previous years. Stupid. I was being stupid.

“Get. Up.” I didn’t need to lift my head up to know the instructor was gnashing their teeth, keeping their voice even but with just enough edge to intimidate me. 

I shook my head again, slumping against the floor. The other trainees that were watching held their breath. I saw someone get kicked out of the program for not keeping up, but there wasn’t a single concern running through me. Nothing managed to spur me on until I felt a hand on my back. It made me jolt my eyes up. 

Eight’s eyes were gorgeous to me since that moment. They were dark with a tint of pink. It complemented his equally dark pink hair that almost covered his eyes while he was looking down at me. I huffed at him and he bit his lip momentarily before casting me a light scowl. 

“You’ll get thrown out if you don’t get up,” he said. He was seventeen. We were both young back then.

Just from his voice, I could tell that which classification they were putting him in. Afterwards, I found out through our time spent together that Eight was charming and also had a flair for the dramatic. We meshed well together as two individuals who were prone to being outgoing and adoring attention. At that moment, however, I would have loved to have had strength to push him away from me. He didn’t need to be coming around and looking like my supporter. 

“Why do you care so much?” I hissed out at him, grunting in frustration while lifting my upper body off the floor.

He moved his hand to my shoulder to help me up. “You’re taking the attention away.”

“Wha--” I stopped. 

“But I get to look like a good guy.” He gave a smirk, making my eyes narrow.

“I’m getting my ass handed to me and that’s what you think?”

“Yes.”

I shut my mouth up before giving another huff. My hand came up to swat his away from me. With a sharp intake of air, I stood up completely on my own. His smile just got wider while he glanced up at me, a playful spark in his eyes. I wasn’t about to let him do that while I was being dramatic on the floor. 

“I’m going to--”

“Back at it again, trainee!” I threw Eight a final glare before I trudged off to end up back on the floor. 

But I kept getting back up after that. No matter how many times they kept knocking me down, I would let out a grunt and come sprinting back. It kept up like that until I stopped getting thrown off my feet with some interesting additions from Eight. 

Every combat training session he would come up to me, relaxed and cheerful, and drop some sugary comment about how I’m improving or how my hair looked nice today or even how great it was that the bruising from the last session was nearly gone. At first, I humored him because I kept getting reprimanded for my discipline. Then, I started to snap back at him -- nothing too harsh, of course -- and he took it with a soft laugh. The more we interacted in combat training, the more I started to notice his presence around: in the cafeteria with his friends, in the hallway, in our sessions specific for our classification. He even called me using the system late at night a few times to see how I was doing. 

And we became friends without either of us realizing it. Eight, for all his dramatics and charisma, was my first friend as a trainee and I will always cherish him. He brought Monarch, his cat, one day to me so the next day I showed off some of my singing. He actually seemed to enjoy it unlike my friends from before. He introduced me to Five along the way, but that was another story to discuss for another time. 

He was assigned to Phantom Alpha, the highest team, but there wasn’t any doubt about where he belonged. We celebrated with some soft music and extra cake at the cafeteria. There was another celebration when after Five joined him. It was joyful up until they went out on their first assignments. I sent them off with a thumbs up and wide smiles but there was an emptiness that settled in my chest. 

It was just my heart saying: “Hey. They might die. You say they won’t but you know better. Remember Mom and Dad?”

I didn’t cry until I get back to my room later on that night and I didn’t cry again until the night they get back. They didn’t realize anything had been different with me. That kind of detachment made me good enough for Phantom Beta when the time came around to actually put me on a team. 

“We’re on different teams now. You can’t go hang out with someone else?” I asked Eight one time, rolling over on top of the bed as he plays with Monarch on the floor. 

He shot me a grin. “Don’t be cold like that. We’re friends, right?”

My hair dangled over the side of the bed. My smirk was upside down to him. With the blood rushing to my head, I only managed a quiet laugh. 

We’re friends.

[tkmedia]

Watching someone fall in love with football made my Euro 2020

Saturday 12th June. The Euros are just over 24 hours old and it feels like Christmas. Me, my housemates and selected others are letting our hair down for the weekend, blaring out music and knocking back cans in the basement of our shared house. Bored of listening to Flo Rida and the Black Eyed Peas on rotation, like some hellish flashback to my secondary school prom, I decide to queue some classics on Spotify. A minute later, the opening notes of ‘Three Lions’ begin to echo around the low ceilings. To me, this choice feels fitting – England are playing Croatia the next day after all. ‘World in Motion’ and ‘Vindaloo’ follow, each song belted out by the lads in attendance with arms spread and the atmosphere becoming increasingly euphoric. Well, almost. Stood in the corner of the room are two of my female housemates and their faces are a picture. More accurately, one looks bemused while the other is eyeing me in a manner that suggests I’ve bathed myself in dog shit and used the remnants as face paint. Fast forward four weeks to before the final and I’m having a long phone conversation with the latter about tactics, formations and debating whether Italy or England had the stronger subs bench. Proof, if nothing else, that a lot can change in a month. Euro 2020 was a tournament for the ages, probably the best I’ve ever experienced in real-time. It ticked all the boxes of an all-time classic – loads of goals, attacking football, matches we’ll be talking about for decades to come, drama and excitement everywhere you looked, underdogs doing well, engaging storylines from the first whistle and worthy champions. Even England rose to the occasion, making the final and giving the nation a chance to bathe itself in lager. Football didn’t come home, but that shouldn’t detract from what Gareth Southgate’s young team have achieved over the past month. But my favourite part of these Euros? Seeing non-football fans become swept up in the event. One person stands out in particular. Living in the same house for the past two years, me and Nicole overcame initial indifference to form an incredibly close connection. There were enough differences between us to keep things interesting but we shared plenty in common – a similar music taste, love of animals and cooking to name but three – and generally got on like a house on fire. But football? Football was rarely a topic of conversation. Nicole simply didn’t show any interest in the sport. After clocking my disappointment following West Ham’s defeat to Manchester United in the FA Cup last February, her attempts to console me veered strongly towards ‘chin up, it’s only a game’ territory. On one hand, this was very annoying and a masterclass at missing the point. But I also saw the wider perspective and appreciated having someone close outside of the football bubble. And, like most things, she was right. It is only a game. But none of this led me to expect the Euros would capture Nicole’s imagination in the manner it did. • • • •

READ: 28 iconic moments that tell the story of a magnificent Euro 2020 • • • • From unpromising beginnings (basement, Three Lions, dog shit), her interest in the tournament grew organically. Noticing the emotionally charged atmosphere at the Denmark-Belgium game. Asking me to tilt my laptop screen so we could watch Croatia play the Czech Republic together. Admitting to checking the score on her phone while out for the first half of England against Scotland. It was Nicole that took the executive decision to switch from Wembley to Hampden Park at half-time during the final group match and wonder at Luka Modric’s piss-taking goal. This was weighed with sympathy as Scotland were brushed aside by a grizzled Croatian team. By now she was hooked and wanted to watch a game in town. Living in Manchester, there’s no shortage of options but work commitments and difficulty booking a table meant finding the right time was proving impossible. We eventually settled on Slovakia against Spain, a fine choice considering her love of Spain and Spanish culture. Arriving late, and convincing the bar owners to show the game instead of Sweden v Poland, we ended up missing Martin Dubvraka’s spectacular own goal but saw Spain stroll through the second half towards a 5-0 victory. It was only natural to stay and watch the conclusion of Group F afterwards. Missing key moments became a theme of the tournament. Denmark’s rollicking win over Russia? Attending to Nicole’s pet horse. The madness of extra-time between Italy and Austria? Squabbling over making brownies. England battering Ukraine in the quarter-finals? Missed the first three goals after trying to find our mate’s house in the city centre and ending up in the outskirts of Altrincham (which, I humbly admit, was entirely my fault for entering the wrong directions). But there was still plenty to savour, such as laughing at Sam Matterface as he shrieked “RONALDO WANTS THE BALL!!” during one desperate Portugal attack. Then there was watching France’s incredible defeat to Switzerland on my laptop as Love Island went ignored on the main television. And who could forget Harry Kane, spilt pints and seeing England beat Germany at our local with a big group of mates? SCENES! Harry Kane puts England two-up against Germany! #ENG 2-0 #GER 📺 Watch live: https://t.co/0Sp2UauTpF#bbceuro2020 #euro2020 pic.twitter.com/KXU7RQgCSl — Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) June 29, 2021 Interest in the tournament didn’t wane despite moving house before the quarter-finals. Watching games together was replaced with cross-country phone calls and messages as the matches grew in importance and tension. Nicole had the infuriating habit of making correct predictions. It was her that called the Czechs beating Holland, Italy knocking out Belgium and every game from the semi-final onwards. Classic case of beginner’s luck, but I suspect I won’t be allowed to forget it for another three or four decades. These mystic tendencies were matched by her astute calling of matches. Italy did resort to dirty tactics (Chiellini on Saka especially) while other teams played cleaner. England did back off after scoring in the final. And it was hard not to feel sorry for Ruben Vargas and Alvaro Morata after their missed penalties. Ultimately, that’s the point about these tournaments. There’s a certain snobbery towards non-football fans from die-hard supporters, but the joy of international football is feeling part of a national event. Take the emotional rollercoaster of Kane’s penalty against Denmark for example. Only sport can produce those moments, ones you share with half of the entire country. That’s why the international game will always feel more important than club football. I’ll ignore Nicole’s threats to carry on watching football as Manchester United’s newest fan, probably the single most thing that would boil my piss. Because these fantastic Euros were enriched by sharing them with somebody close who’s not usually interested in the game. By Michael Lee More from Planet Football 28 iconic moments that tell the story of a magnificent Euro 2020 Euro 2020’s top chance creators, passers, dribblers, tacklers and more Away Days: 479 days later, a trip to the match at last; now I want the real thing Can you name the top scorer at every European Championship since 1992? Read the full article

[alabastertouch]

Spitting Fire

Genre: Fluff, a li’l pinch of angst

Characters: Kim Hanbin x Reader; iKON members

Warning/s: None

Summary: When you showed Hanbin everything you got, he loathed you... Not only are you the best, but because he’s undeniably attracted to you.

A/N: OKAY, you guys, don’t do that old trick wherein you’re being mean to the one you like bc that is not nice, okay? Don’t be like Hanbin in this fic (lol what a disclaimer) but ANYWAY ENJOY THIS BLURB

Also so so so late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANBIN YO THE BEST MAN I WUV YOU DUDe (it so many weeks late yay ANYW)

I’m back and not sick anymore let me make it up hajshajhaj

“Y/N!” Hearing Jaewon’s calls to you, you turn around and face him. Jaewon had been one of the best companion of yours throughout your training, and you are delighted that finally, he had reached his dreams of debuting.

“Hey! Can you sign my album?” You teased him with a cheeky smile, making him a blushing mess.

“Shut up!” He messes your hair. “Anyway, did you hear the latest?”

“I’ve been stuck in the dungeon, so I guess I haven’t,” you try to poke fun at the dark reality of your fate as a rapper in this agency. “What is it?”

“Hanbin’s getting a solo debut after Bobby’s,” Jaewon crosses his arms. “I heard the president’s already listing trainees who can potentially feature in one of his songs.”

You sure can wish that you might be the one to be chosen, since it is an opportunity you will never ever pass. Although you know Sua has a bigger chance of being the featured artist, as she has more exposure than you, you cling on the sliver of hope. But then again, before hope was handed to you, it had already been taken away.

By Kim Hanbin himself.

“Well, congrats to that person, then,” you snort as you rush back to the training room.

“Hey, hey! What’s with the negativity?” Jaewon follows you, curious about your sudden displeasure.

“Hanbin hates me, dude,” you remind him in case he had forgotten.

“He doesn’t hate you!” Jaewon objects to your statement.

“He does,” you retort. “If rejecting everything I’ve written for their team isn’t enough, then what more proof am I still looking for?”

“Look, I’m sure Hanbin doesn’t hate you. Maybe you just got off the wrong foot?” Jaewon justifies Hanbin’s odd behavior towards you. You’ve tried to observe him when he interacts with your fellow same-aged friends Hayi and Jennie, but he treats them quite well and have no intention between each other.

“I sure do hope so,”

“Hey, congratulations!” Sua greets you quite energetically so early in the morning. “President chose you to feature in Hanbin oppa’s song.”

And you die a little inside.

When you finally receive the memo, you reluctantly enter the studio Hanbin usually works at, a.k.a his territory. 

“Excuse me,” you sneak your head in a little, seeing the other six members of iKON writing intensely. When they see your face, they let out a sigh of relief.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” Jinhwan is the first to ask.

“Oh, I got this,” you show them the memo that gratifies your feature in Hanbin’s solo album. “Where’s Hanbin sunbae?” 

“He went to the restroom,” Bobby responds. “Just a heads up, Y/N, he’s not in a good mood.”

“When was he in a good mood?” You snort out impulsively, earning low chuckles from the others.

“Oh yeah,” and when you hear the nasal voice from behind you, you know you are thoroughly fucked.

And not in a good way... Not at all.

Hanbin takes his place on the office chair, scrutinizing you with his taunting looks. He looks ultimately sleepless, and you keep yourself from telling him to go to sleep first. He turns back to his computer, ignoring your existence.

“Why did it have to be you?”

Okay, rude. Don’t sleep then.

“Hanbin, where are your manners?” Yunhyeong reprimands like a mother.

“Where is hers?” Hanbin speaks without looking at you.

“Okay!” Bobby jumps up this time, intervening before you tell Hanbin something you might later on regret. “We’ll leave you two to maybe... warm up with each other, okay?” The male nods energetically, urging you to be the bigger person.

“Don’t kill each other,” Junhoe cackles before the last of them leaves the room. 

And now, you’re stuck with tiger Kim Hanbin.

You sit down on the couch, waiting for Hanbin to finish whatever it is that he is doing. You patiently bob your head along to the music coming out of the speakers. After all, his perfection takes time.

But two hours in and he hasn’t even looked at you once.

You take the whole ‘him being superior than you’ thing, but you’ve gotten enough of this treatment.

“Uh, sunbae,” you clear your throat, making him turn around with that same scary look on his face. “What are we writing?”

“Nothing,” he puts you down as quickly as you had asked. “I’ve already gotten everything written down. All you have to do is to rap.”

And your mouth opens, aghast at his reply. You are here for a reason... and that is to cooperate with Hanbin in creating the song. Together.

How can you feature without familiarizing yourself with the work?

You stand up despite feeling small under his hard eyes. 

“With all due respect, sunbae,” you emphasize the word that makes him the higher one in the hierarchy, but you know you’re about to lash out on him without any ounce of respect. “I am not about to suffer this maltreatment you are handing me. I am here to be featured in a song that I should help write. If I’m going to be continued treated this way,” you tear the memo you have received in half, making his eyes grow wider. “Look for someone else.”

You stomp out of the recording studio knowing the consequences of your irate actions. Tomorrow, points might be slashed off you for the evaluations, and you may be kicked out of future opportunities to feature in other artists’ songs either. Worst, your debut with an unknown date might either happen after so many years, or never at all.

You are not getting any younger, and all your same-aged friends have either debuted already or are in preparation to go on stage. You can’t bear any more delays.

But no, your pride won’t be stepped on.

Jaewon’s laughter is not helping out your situation at all.

“Gee, thanks for the support, asshole,” you chug down your water after three rounds of dance practice.

“But hey, stay positive!” He belatedly cheers you up. “Who knows? He might still want you to feature in his song. After all, he had a say in who should be in his album.”

“Dude, he legitimately told me ‘Why did it have to be you?’ with those stupid eyes!” You impersonate Hanbin’s voice poorly. 

“You’re rude as well, you know!” Jaewon points out. “If you two like each other, you don’t have to be like kindergarteners about it.”

“Hey!” You stop him from saying more. “I don’t like Kim Hanbin!”

“Uh-huh. Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?” You just roll your eyes, opting to ignore Jaewon’s jokes.

“Y/N!” You hear Hanbin’s booming voice calling you over. “Recording studio. NOW.”

You raise a brow questioningly, wondering what Hanbin wants to do now. You follow anyway, not wanting anyone else to suffer his wrath now. It’s enough that he’s mad at you, and you wouldn’t want it to rub on to others.

Since he called you in, he hadn’t talked to you, and you are willing to be that girl who’s looking for death and will have to ask Hanbin what the hell is the problem with his attitude.

“Did you call me here to watch you be angry or--”

“You and Jaewon hyung,” he asks, not looking up at you. “Are you two dating?”

You can’t help but be horrified by his sudden question.

“No!” You sound defensive, but really, you and Jaewon? It’s like putting YG and JYP in one room. You’re friends and all... like siblings even, but you disagree on so many things to even think of being together.

“Really?” Hanbin finally shuts his notebook close, returning his intimidating gaze to you. “Why are you two always together?”

“Because we’re friends? I’m allowed to have friends of all genders, Hanbin. Why are you so curious, anyway?”

“Because I like you,” and Jaewon was right all along. The little shit might have known already and thought it would be funny to string you alone in his own sitcom ensemble.

“Oh, really?” You cross your arms, disbelieving his words. “You were so rude, you know? Screaming and lashing out. You really have to fix your attitude.”

“Why are you suddenly preaching me? Stop spitting fire, Y/N!”

“Oh, no. You’re not the only rapper here, Kim Hanbin.” And he looks competitive when you say it, eyes ablaze with flames.

“Who else?” He challenges.

“Your girlfriend.”

And his face is now the color of a wildfire.

[rosedalemike]

The Mood: Blog #5 "Perception/Loneliness”

written Sunday April 8th at 5:36 am     Ever wonder what others think about you? Not that you should care what others think about you, but do you ever sometimes just wonder if maybe you were a dick/bitch to that someone when you didn't mean to be- and then on the other hand- way too nice/generous to someone who probably just talks shit about you? It happens to me a lot. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm traveling around by myself.

     Not that anything specifically like that came up this week. I've just been thinking about it more as I've finally been poking my head out of my basement to get back out to play shows. Just kinda like 'what does this person actually think of me? Did they actually just enjoy this show? Would they actually listen to my music regularly?' Not that they need to respect me or anything for me to like them. And, needless to say, I'm extremely grateful they came out to support anyway. It just sometimes makes me ponder things like: who is my actual demographic? What makes our distracted generation listen to an artist regularly? How/why can I make a stranger who has no idea what I do be completely invested in my art yet people who have seen me grow this garden for years suddenly have zero interest in Rosedale?

      Maybe some of those answers are relatable to reasons why I enjoy being alone. I know that probably sounds really sad to most people but hear me out...     

     Intro to sidetrack: I got into this topic with a long time fan at tonight's show. She was thanking me for being so nice and always inviting her out to shows. I had to tell her 'if only you knew how many people block me for that same gesture' (see blog #4). She was genuinely pumping my tires pretty good. Don't get it twisted- her boyfriend was right there the whole time and he was also cool A-F, as the kids say...

      She went on to say how she used to hang out with Hedley years ago whenever they were in town and they were rude dicks. She couldn't fathom their conversations. As easy as it might have been for me to jump on the freshly-greased "Hate-Hedley" bandwagon (kinda punny if you watch Trailer Park Boys) It got me thinking that maybe, as humans, when we're in our packs we often come across as unwelcoming. Especially bands! The inside jokes, the anything-goes-ness, the gear-geak battles/bro-downs. Looking back, I'm sure Rosedale sure fit that shoe for years! And I'd imagine macho sports teams come off as even more unwelcoming to strangers. (there I go- generalizing again...)

     But it's all perception- How do we perceive their inside jokes and harmless offside humour? Maybe Hedley were total dicks a few years ago, maybe they're not anymore. All I know is nothing really surprises me and I think even some of my favourite people get offended out of perceived context- not easily, per say- just out of common, outside perception. I'm sure I could go even more south and throw in some President Trump examples here but that dude gets enough external spotlight. And to clarify (before I get me a page-full of political/social facts that I have 0 any interest in); I'm neither a Trump or a Hedley fan...or Nickleback, for that matter...but I'm also not a total hater. I'm just saying they're prime examples of how perception and context have some serious horsepower especially in our ever changing world of social media/open-broadcasting.     

     Here's a wider, more harmless example of the two sides of perception that's a little closer to home; my set at Hard Luck in Toronto last Saturday. There was a high energy and big crowd in the room right as I was setting up. I played an ok set, nothing remarkable in my mind. But a very rare thing was happening; Humans were turning into Rosedaliens right before my eyes! They were feeding off of my music in ways only artists on the radio can relate to! They were eating up the positive message and yelling positive messages right back! The vibe was bliss! Nobody cared what anyone in the room might think of them. The phones were only out for "Eldorado's Climax" or to record/snapchat/livestream! After the set people were buying all the merch! I must have taken 15 photos with fans and strangers! Signed a few posters and CDs! Young, hip humans were telling me their stories! My tires were pumped way past any psi they've ever seen! Etcetera!!!

     Then I played London Ontario at the legendary Call the Office on the same night of the week, same time... (The only difference with this given Saturday was that there was no Easter/Passover excuses in my inbox.) But there were a total of maybe 15 people there. They were standing 30 feet away of the stage. I played/sang/delivered by far the best Rosedale set so far this tour with a proud smile on my face and, although the other bands and their friends kinda danced and inched closer towards the stage, not a single CD or shirt left the merch bins. Nobody asked to take their photo with me. Come to think of it, I was even getting the whole "This-dude-needs-a-band" vibe.

      So why did the mediocre Toronto performance get a way better response than the solid London set? Or even the relatively strong Brampton set that we filmed. It seems like it had nothing at all to do with me. It was entirely based on the crowd's perception! My good friend, Jonny (who is pretty knowledgeable with live music/performance/production), came out to both the Toronto show and the Brampton show. Even his perception was completely altered by these energized, Toronto meat baffles! Jonny thought the Toronto set was better. “You’re ready! Epic, prolific,” were his and his Toronto company’s words. He wished I'd filmed the Toronto show instead of Brampton. Kind of off topic (but, really, why I used the term "meat baffles"); Jonny also said the sound was bad in Brampton (and so did his Brampton company) and much better in Toronto. Where-as Bryan and Danny...and my mom... said that Brampton was the better sounding Rosedale show (and they were all also at the Toronto show!)

      So just because I had a generous, high energy crowd in front of the stage in Toronto, I was worth something to everyone in the room. I even sounded better, in Jonny’s opinion. People wanted pictures, autographs, and merch because their perception of Rosedale was a promising one. Yet, I could play the same exact set on the same night, same time, in a more intimate setting with a more solid performance and have my picture, signature, and merch less desired than just a couple more drinks. The other two bands played amazing sets as well. I was actually, genuinely blown away, like, fanboying on Adelaide’s guitarist, getting chills from Mermaids Exist’s harmonies etc. But they too set up their merch table for nothing. It is a very common display of how people's perception is strongly influenced by the context of their surroundings.

      The only person, arguably, in the room who felt...in the presence of greats- was myself! I know I played a legendary set and I'm 100% certain that if Adelaide and Mermaids Exist keep slugging away like that- they're gonna come built-in to everyone's iPhone 12s!

     This “perception-check” is nothing new to booking agents. They no longer accept buy-ons. (Of course I've tried!) Money can't buy you happiness, or a loyal following. Agents, labels, and managers want their bands playing to full rooms only. Intimate shows (as in half empty capacity shows...yes, I took the pessimist approach) are only creating negative perceptions. If, by some stroke of Modesty-Miracles, some of these rock star agents did stumble into reading this, they were thinking "No shit, Shirlock. Stop playing small shows" 5 paragraphs ago. I'm just letting everyone else know; the artist is about 10% responsible for impressing/entertaining the audience. The other 90% is the context of that room and a good chunk of that context is just simply the amount of people there. (other smaller pieces of the pie; venue decor/layout, sound engineering, staff, house music ...to name a few.) Maybe all of this is very obvious to most people already. I just wish solving all the pieces of that pie were easy or at least in my hands. But the modern ratio still just seems crazy to me, growing up in the punk/emo scene.    

      I think maybe another reason it seems crazy to me ties back to the fact that I'm alone a lot. When I'm alone I have more of an open mind and agenda. I think this could be the case for most people. There was one guy at the near-empty London show who was jumping up and down during my set. He was alone and so stoked. He didn't care what anyone thought- a proud new fan! I threw a pick perfectly into his hands at the end of my near-perfect set (#pingofftheforehead, Toronto show inside joke). He's been messaging my instagram all day. He didn't buy merch (he might have if there was a big generous crowd there, though) but he signed up and watched all of my youtube videos today.

      I think most people actually have a better time traveling/exploring/wondering out by themselves than they realize. I believe you're more accepting of different environments and cultural differences when you're by yourself. You're taking it all in and enjoying it. You're making new friends out of strangers who have no knowledge of your history as you have no knowledge of theirs. You feel like you can open new chapters of your own book and appreciate the fresh pages they're showing you, and consider the context. You might be thinking "so-&-so would love this" but chances are, if "so-&-so" were there, you'd likely be missing this too while off hanging at the bar or whatever.

      When you have your crew/family/entourage beside you for every door you open, life can start to pass you by. You might be having a great time with them and jel with them like peas and carrots, but the element of wonder and discovery isn't quite the same. It's sometimes like an invisible stress and I'd even go as far as to say that it is the main reason why bands break up on their first tour. Bands aside though, I've heard first-hand stories of good friends traveling together that went through episodes where they were so pissed off with each other that they wouldn't even talk to one another for hours. Sure, it could be the simple fact that you're now living with this friend/band hour-by-hour on this trip (Egos clash, ideas vary, mistakes affect everyone, true colours flourish etc.) and you're stuck with them for the next however-many-days. But I'm certain that a group-of-friends/family/band living together in their hometown would go over way better than living together in a new city every night. And traveling with a significant other- well that's an entirely different blog for a different day.

      I'm not sure if any of this is proven or factual. This is just me rambling at 5:30 am after a show. Another thing I hear a lot is "Mike, you just haven't found the right “one”/bandmates/friends". Fair enough. But maybe I'm just your classic degenerate- I could just be a weird lonely dinosaur that likes to roam alone. #lonewolf. But I think all of that coincides with the original point I made about being a dick to someone you actually really like/love. We've all done it, I'm sure. The nicest human in the world can be passive/harsh without realizing it. But as much as I think butting heads is inevitable when you're living together in uncharted land, there are friends that manage to really understand me and at least aim to dodge my weird pet-peeves (ie. guitar cases on stage). Of course, they can't drop their established lives/commitments to come travel around with me for months. So maybe there are layers to my solo-ness. (...loneliness sounded too sad.) 

LYRIC PARTY: 

Chasing the sun isn't my kind of fun I'd rather sit and catch snowflakes on my tongue When summers gone I won't be sad As you cling on to all the good times that you've had 'cause being alone isn't really all that bad - The Ataris "If You Really Want To Hear About It"

     But really, even when there's no stranger's pages or culture shock to take in, I have some great times by myself that I wouldn't be able to have with most company around. I wouldn't be able to write this blog in my bed at 5:30am. I wouldn't be able to listen to my new demos and imagine them mixed like my latest releases with my Westones on my 2 hour drive home from London. That, in itself, could easily be considered insanely narcissistic. And so could this; I love hanging out with myself! We get along very well. My tastebuds can be pretty inconsiderate to my gut's needs, and my lower brain is not too happy with the way upper brain has been handling brief encounters with the opposite sex, but alas, we're working on it!

      Another thing I like about being alone is that I'm pretty sure people like me more. Whenever I have friends around, it's almost like nobody wants to help with anything. And when I'm "working" away on something, a stranger might say something like "where's your friends? Why don't they help you with that?" As if to say "you need better friends, dude." It's really odd but it happens a lot and those little events tend to commit-to-memory for whatever reason. Kinda like that long-red-light that never fails to time out your drive perfectly. (One of the few books I've actually finished reading, "Stumbling On Happiness" (Daniel Gilbert), describes this human condition a bunch... took me three years to finish that damn book.) 

LYRIC PARTY: "Hangman, it's not your fault Commit this to memory The bright ideas are wasted and lost along the way" - Motion City Soundtrack "Hangman" (I could've sworn {or swore??} he said "For bright ideas always get lost along the way" then I looked it up... didn't look up sworn/swore though.)      Anyway, I guess this late night, scatter brained blog wants you to consider the context and surroundings when formulating an opinion/perception. And look at loneliness in a bright light. There are many positives. Don't ignore all your friends and family by any means, I'm just saying; A lot of people fear loneliness like they're gonna die alone and they need company at all times. "Alone time" is your most productive time. And productivity, as vague a term, is probably the healthiest form of instant gratification. So do something productive towards your goals the next time you're alone. And while you're at it, open up a new chapter to that old friend you later get to hang out with...

     Yeah, this one was all over the place. Thanks for reading though. If you made it this far, you're a trooper and I love you. 

Shows this week: Wednesday, April 11th - Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks -  10:00 set time, 19+, $8 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/321180534953651/ Thursday, April 12th - Kingston, ON @ Bar 56 - 9:30ish set time, 19+ish, $10 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/368799986934799/     Friday, April 13th - Potsdam, NY @ Hurly's/SUNY Potsdam -  7:30 doors/ 9ish set time - All Ages , FREE https://www.facebook.com/events/363889120774025/ Saturday, April 14th - Rochester, NY @ Firehouse - 8:00 doors/10ish set time - 21 +, $5 cover https://www.facebook.com/events/568521663507443 Sunday, April 15th - Pittsburgh, PA @ The Smiling Moose - 7:00 doors/ 9:00 set time, 21+, $8 tickets**/ $10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/402443740204364/ Monday, April 16th - Cleveland, OH @ Grog Shop - 6:30 doors, 8:30 set time, ALL AGES, $8 tickets/$10 doors https://www.facebook.com/events/163297504327206/

[taylorfiction]

What to think pt.2 - Taylor’s POV

so as promised, this is part 2 of the fic i posted earlier this week! i hope you enjoy it, remember to send in requests n feedback n all that.

Warning: ‘tis basically all fluff.

A smile broadened across his face and lit up his worried features as I repeated the words to him. ‘I’m pregnant’, the realization sunk in and he looked at me now in disbelief. ‘I’m pregnant’ I said for the third time under my breath. He embraced me on the sofa supporting my now shaking frame, the tears of happiness streamed down my face in rivers. I could tell from the way he held me and the way he had smiled at me that he would be there, to support me. To love me.

‘I’m going to be a Dad!’ he said to me as he pulled out the embrace and cupped my face with his hands, the smile plastered on his features was infectious, ‘God, I love you’ he murmured before kissing me, I could taste the passion on his lips, the emotion, the happiness. I felt giddy with excitement now, the worry and nervousness lost when his smile had appeared. Banishing the worry out of my mind. I realized he did that a lot. Whenever I was overly worried or stressed at something he would take my hands in his and tell me that he loves me, and then everything would be okay because I knew that I didn’t need to worry because Joe would always be by my side. He would always love me for me.

‘I’m so lucky’ he whispered to me, his eyes locking on to mine, his ocean blue’s shining brighter than stars on a cloudless night. ‘thank you for being here’ I whispered back, letting our foreheads gently touch, my legs crossed and my body facing him, sat on the beige sofa, where so many other memories had been made, and now this one too. Our hands found each other, lacing together, inseparable. I never wanted to leave him, I would follow him around like a lost puppy for the rest of my days.

‘When did you find out?’ he asked in the silence.

‘This morning. That’s why I took a while in the bathroom, and why I was slightly shaken earlier...’ I replied as I fiddled with his fingers, bending them, holding them.

‘Why didn’t you tell me the minute I got back?’ he stated, the question left hanging for a few moments as I pondered what to say. But he knew what was coming.

‘I was worried what your reaction would be, whether you would still want to be with me, whether you would want to raise a child in the chaos of my life.’ I whispered, my voice getting quieter as I went on, my eyes focused on my legs, I couldn’t look him in the eyes, I couldn’t confront my anxiety.

He placed a finger under my chin to lift it up, before saying with obvious emotion in his voice, ‘I will love you forever and ever until the sun explodes and the world shatters into pieces. Remember this. I would never leave you on your own. I will do everything in my power to constantly see that beautiful smile, because it lights up my day with its infectiousness. We are a team and therefore we stick together. People can say what they want, they’ve always done that. We can get out of here, go live somewhere else in England, or Nashville. Somewhere for you to work on your music and for me to work on my acting, but a safe place. For this child. For our child.’ He told me, as though they were facts, vital for existence. I placed a hand on my stomach, as the thought of our future blinded my emotions. The thought of raising a child with someone I love. Someone I cherish.

I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes again, I could feel the overflow of water from my lids, spilling over the edges, tracing patterns down my cheek. He wiped the tears away with his finger, stroking my cheek, ‘I love you’ he whispered, kissing me gently, reassuring me that what he had said was all true. Making sure I never forgot what he felt for me, how much I mattered to him.

‘Oh Joe’ I sighed clasping his face, observing his mesmerizing features, I could stare at his face all day, I would never get bored. Tracing the lines of his smile and the dips of his dimples. My fingers ran through his hair behind his head, tugging slightly at the blonde strands. ’What would I do without you?’ I murmured rhetorically to him, the tears now dried up and my emotions calmer.

‘I love you’ I whispered, our foreheads touching again and our smiles inching wider as the realisation of what was happening took its time to sink in. My thoughts still swirled as I documented this moment to memory, the look on my face reflecting the thoughts in my head;

I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved, more than anything in the world. You are my world. My universe.

[bellabooks]

Artist Valentine M. Smith on her creative spirit and finding inspiration in queer fandom

One of the coolest things about queer media communities is not just the art that comes out of them, but the support they can provide. We’re in an age, thanks to the internet, where artists can share their work with everyone; it’s the kind of art that helps us make it through long hiatuses, tough storylines, and reminds us why we love the characters we do (and why we want them to kiss, probably). We may not have many TV shows and movies at our disposal out here in the LGBTQ community, but what we have helps people find a voice and acquire an audience. You may know Valentine M. Smith from the rad art she’s made for shows like Carmilla, Wynonna Earp, Orphan Black, and more. She’s also done work for novels (Snowball Earth), magazines (THIS), films (Lyle, Bury Your Tropes) and webseries (Couple-ish, Haunted or Hoax). This week I sat down with Valentine to talk art, queerdom, and how we can better support our queer content creators. Erin Carter: Let’s start with the basics: did you go to school for art? Valentine M. Smith: I did, I have a BFA in illustration from the University of the Arts, which is in Center City, Philadelphia. I really liked that school because I knew their illustration program was good, and because it wasn’t just a visual arts school. We had a film department, dance, theatre; I got to take a lot of different things because of that.   EC: So you had access to all these other things, why illustration? VMS: Honestly because when I was little I was bit by the film bug. I wanted to do film and I wanted to be a director for a little while; I wrote scripts and I’d cast people for table reads as a twelve year-old. I was like, “We’re making movies!” And they were terrible but as a twelve year-old, no other twelve year-old want to take that seriously so it was easier for me to just draw it and do it all myself, to basically storyboard it in comic form, rather than rely on all these other people…because we were twelve. Then I got more interested in music. I learned to play the drums, I was in a lot of bands so my creative outlet went from film to music. In high school I came back to art and thought, “Oh, I’m not so terrible at drawing anymore!” Because that was a big thing for me, I was really discouraged because I wasn’t good and I wasn’t, at that moment, willing to put in the time [to improve].   EC: How did you work past that fear of not being good enough and decide to start putting in the time? VMS: Sometimes you’re really motivated and sometimes you’re really not. It comes down to just being able to push past it and do the work. Finding different ways to stimulate your learning. When I started getting serious about it is when YouTube was becoming a bigger thing, so I used to watch all of my favorite comic artists draw on YouTube. They’d do livestreams and I remember being up late at night, sitting at my desk drawing, and I’d watch someone else do a livestream and it was like, “It’s basically like we work together!” That was so driving for me.   EC: Who were some of your influences or inspirations early on? VMS: Becky Cloonan, I love Becky Cloonan. She’s the reason I picked up a brush and tried to brush ink for the first time. The first time I saw her she was in a picture in Wizard magazine and she was wearing a Phoenix shirt, and I was so mad. I wanted to wear Jean Grey shirts and hang out at cool comic-cons! She was a big one because there weren’t that many women in comics, and I feel like as a kid in the 90s, the big comic artists were all men. They were all drawing really muscled up dudes in spandex and I was like, “That’s nice, I know how to do that, but there aren’t any ladies here.” And I remember literally thinking, “I don’t know how I’m going to get a job.” I also remember looking at other artists in fine art, because there were more women in fine art, and Tara McPherson was a big one for me. Those were the big two.   EC: It’s no secret you’re a horror fan; what draws you to that genre? VMS: I think, early on, fear was one of the most tangible emotions that I could emote in my work. Because it was really easy to scare someone, and I’m really good at making blood splatters so when I realized this I was like “SOLD.” I’ve also had really weird dreams so a lot of it I think comes from just being an anxious human being. I always really liked horror movies because there was power in the fact that you could make something that’s fake and transition it into something so real. Also in the sense that it wasn’t just horror but the things horror could represent. A lot of the horror movies that I was into were low-budget, made by people who really loved them, and it seemed more attainable, to be able to go out there and say, “I can make something, here it is.”   EC: How did you come into doing work for movies and TV shows? VMS: While I was in university, and drawing every day, in the thick of it, I watched American Mary. This was at a prime time where I had found horror, I found my home, and I felt so comfortable there. So I watched the movie and it was this little gem of an indie film, made by people who wanted to put something out there. It was made by two women, starring women, it was a dream team. I started making art for it because I was really passionate about, and then the Soska sisters found my work. They’re really supportive of their fans and so they shared my work, and got me to a wider audience. And all the good indie horror films were coming out of Canada, so it really put Toronto on my radar. I felt, if I want to be involved in weird independent horror, I needed to go there and be in that.   EC: Horror put Toronto on the map for you, so how’d you make the jump to things like webseries and queer television? VMS: I already had the Canada seeds planted, and then I stumbled on Carmilla. Being part of the LGBTQ community, I’m always looking for content. It had the same feel for me; I was already into the little indie darlings, and projects that people were trying to make, and being a part of a lot of those you know that everyone is kind of struggling. It’s this understanding that you’re on the same team and you’re trying to make it work. So I started drawing things up for them because I was passionate about it and I wanted other people to know about it. Doing sketches and character studies became a daily routine for me because I was trying to draw more and get better, so I ended up focusing on that and it would carry over into my other work. I was always really interested in the physicality of acting and how it changes an actor’s body in the sense that there’s a character being housed in there, and I wanted to be able to capture that in my drawing. I had never made the crossover to include LGBTQ work in my own stuff until Carmilla.     EC: How has that helped you incorporate more LGBTQ content into your work? VMS: A lot of it is commissioned based, but those are now the projects I’ll seek out and that I want to get jobs for. It’s very similar to the horror community in that it’s smaller than the wider mainstream but they’re very loyal. Working with LGBTQ stuff became more personal, more important and moving for me, and I realized that I needed to be doing it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought, “I never thought of being here, but now I know that I need to be.”   EC: What made that switch flip? VMS: It just happened; I worked on Carmilla stuff and I just thought, “I have to keep doing this, this is really important to me.” Being a queer person myself, I liked the work I was making and I liked the person I was when I was making that work. And the thing is, we have creators, but we need to get into those higher seats. We need to be making more work because they can’t tell us that we’re not making things, or that there aren’t jobs for us, or that we aren’t there for the jobs, because we are. There’s no excuse. EC: So basically just make all the things. VMS: Basically, and make it gay! There’s such a starvation within the community for any kind of representation.   EC: You were saying that, when you started doing Carmilla stuff, it was at a time when you were actively trying to draw every day. Did you see yourself improve or your style evolve? VMS: I got so much better! The real improvement started right before then; there are these certain pieces that you make that stick in your mind, and you can point to it and know that something changed. I remember I did a university assignment where you had to pick a book and do the book cover. I did a cover for American Psycho and it was the first time that I used my black ink exclusively, and did my textured, cross-hatch marks which is present in a lot of my pieces now. That’s the one that triggered me to study my black and white work, and when Carmilla came along I was finding figures and studying likenesses. It really helped me be able to work quickly, it got me to make better choices, and it helped me figure out a lot of my process.   EC: And you do a lot of commissions now for characters and things like that, have you always done those? VMS: Up until Carmilla taking off, the personal commissions I got from people were always tattoos. I’m from a very small town so if somebody finds out you draw they’re like, “oh will you draw my tattoo,” and it’s like give me some dollars and I will do it. After people realized I was interested in drawing queer-specific media, and I got involved in a lot of that, I started getting commissions for characters for the first time. I had never had that happen before. I remember printing my own All Cheerleaders Die shirts because there was no merch, and that’s what drove me to do a lot of this stuff. I’d love this thing and there would be nothing for it, so I had to make it. EC: How’d you end up in Toronto? Did changing environments affect your work at all? VMS: To be perfectly honest, anytime you change cities and you’re a freelance anything, your whole network shifts. The illustration community in Philadelphia is very tight, and I knew a lot of people who could get me in contact with others so I had a lot of opportunity. But it wasn’t the work that I really felt I needed to be doing at the time. I had done my first movie poster out of school for Lyle, which was an indie horror movie starring two women in a queer relationship; it was meant for me. So it was starting to get there, but there’s that joke that goes, “But mom, I’m famous in Canada!” And that’s honestly what was happening, my work was more well known outside of where I was. The work that was being made that I wanted to be a part of was in Toronto. Through a series of weird, miraculous things I got to come up here for FanExpo in 2015, and it was the first time I had really seen the affect my work had had, in any sense. Before that I had been doing work on the side to make ends meet, and then I came up here and I was met with such warmth and support from a community. After that I thought, “I need to do more of this, I need to be here. I don’t care what happens, I have to end up here for just a little bit and give it a try.”   EC: You also do a lot of original pieces, what motivates those? VMS: My shorthand is very different from my longform illustration. Art is my outlet and it’s something that calms me down, especially in the way that I work. A lot of that black texture and white speckled work happened because I work quickly, and it became a form of mediation that centered me. It wasn’t just an aesthetic thing, it was an actual process; when I’m doing that it makes me stop to think about the marks that I’m making and what I’m putting down on the page, it allows for that cerebral aspect. I also have a list of things I like, and if I think of more things I put them on that list so that I keep working even when I don’t have jobs or commissions, or if I feel really drained and want to make something that I want to make for the sake of it. If I have to do something colour for work, I’ll do black and white work for myself and vice versa. A lot of my original work is from all the things that have inspired me before; there’s a lot of horror, weird uneasiness, tattoos, and I like drawing hands and people and buildings. I like drawing anything, it’s all good.   EC: What kind of projects do you get stoked on? VMS: I know what I get STOKED about. EC: Listen, I’m from California. VMS: I get stoked on anything original, anything film related because that’s a huge part of my inspiration. And anything that’s a new challenge, honestly. It’s partly you trying to figure out what a patron wants, but they came to you for a reason. When someone comes to you with an idea, you’re like, “I really like this but let’s see if we can make it better.” I really enjoy collaborations, as someone who works primarily in a solo studio. I really like getting other voices in there and making something better than what we could have made alone. It’s cool because somebody put that confidence in you; it’s scary, but I feel like fear has always been such a part of doing my work that I feel more at home with it. As an illustrator, it’s your job to figure out what someone wants, you’re a problem-solver, period. Whether it’s editorial, books, film, branding, it all carries over in the sense that there’s a problem and you have to figure out a solution, and that’s exciting. EC: What’s your dream project? VMS: I just want to be more involved. I want to be more in control with the whole process, I really want to brand something. Whether it’s a movie or a shop or a clothing line, I want to create cohesive visuals across a thing. I get to do that now with the Snowball Earth series; there’s a second book in the works and we’re designing the book covers to link up with each other, we had that in plan from the beginning. If you’re making a project, it’s important for it to look the same across the board, you should have the same people on so it looks and feels complete. For a film, the poster should suit the visual style which would suit whatever kind of merch you want to do, and all of those themes that are important in the media would be translated into something that would work illustratively. Especially with movie posters nowadays, a lot of mainstream movie posters are just a bunch of heads on a thing and it doesn’t look good. I know you want to sell your movie with your star, but let’s figure out how to make that look good as well. For FanExpo last year, I got commissioned to do a Carmilla poster and it was designed with the intent of having people sign it. You want them on there so you can recognize them and they can recognize themselves, but I didn’t want to do a bunch of weird shape heads. I made it into a pattern that flows but also looks like a weird old pulp novel; it accomplished having them there but it wasn’t something with just a bunch of floating heads.   EC: Why is working within the queer media world important to you? VMS: It’s important to make queer media right now because we just don’t have it. People who aren’t a part of the minority see something new coming in and they think, “Well you have this one, so why aren’t you happy?” because they’ve never experienced being starved for representation. We just don’t have that many choices in a mainstream, accessible sense. We can’t go to a theatre and see multiple queer couples in multiple movies doing completely different things. It might be queer, but is it a fun, queer, sci-fi drama? Or is it a queer horror movie? We just don’t have it so we’re trying to make it. As someone a part of that who is a creator, it’s really important to me that, regardless if anyone is going to give us something to stand on to make it, we just have to because they’re not going to. They don’t want to put their money on what they conceive to be a risk. We’re really people just existing in the world, and a lot of what we want to see now is just that, we just want to exist. In order to make that happen, sometimes we have to do it first, and I’m not afraid to. And I think that a lot of people aren’t afraid to right now, and we’re very loyal to each other in the sense that, if we see someone making something and it’s good, we’ll absolutely help out. I will be more willing to work with a queer creator on making queer content and sacrifice some other part, whether I do it on my own time or if we have to work with a smaller budget to get it made. I’m willing to make those sacrifices because we need it.   EC: What can people do to better support queer creators? VMS: You just have to put your money where your mouth is. If you say you want this stuff and you say you want to see it or buy a shirt to support a movie or person, you unfortunately have to put money in. That’s how we survive, that’s how I survive. I’m a full-time freelance illustrator, so when I sell prints or original work or do commissions, that puts a roof over my head, it allows me to have a sense of stability in my life so that I can create more work. I can’t make more things if I can’t pay rent. If you can’t contribute with whatever your talents are, put money into it. And that’s how projects are being made these days, through things like crowd funding, because if they aren’t going to give us the money to make it we’re going to band together. If you’re part of an audience and you want or like something, spread it around, and credit where credit is due. That’s a big thing. Unfortunately, there’s this hive mind thing where it’s like, “this was made and now I can show everyone,” and the creator in question gets lost along the way, so when I see something cool I want to know where it came from so I can go back to them and support that person. If you don’t do that along the way, you’re hindering a potential new client or audience. [Bringing it back to the artist] also creates a good sense of community in general, it comes full circle. EC: What kind of advice would you give to aspiring illustrators? VMS: Draw from life! You’re going to hate it at times, but the whole thing about drawing is that you’re drawing what you see. In order to get better at drawing you have to get better at seeing, in the sense that you have to be able to process that there is something in front of you and however way you choose to interpret that you have to just draw it. It will build your visual vocabulary in your brain. If you spend your time drawing trees, every tree is different, so you’ll know how to draw a tree and if you draw different ones you’ll know how to pull out an oak versus a pine out of nowhere because you’ll have that visual vocabulary. The same goes for figures; please practice figures. It doesn’t have to be in the traditional sense, with all the proportions right, but you do have to do that early on, you have to learn the rules so you can break them. You have to learn what exists and then what can exist. I used to hate doing figure drawing because I felt it had to be perfect, and then once you get to the point where you’re getting it is when you can start to tweak it. I had this professor, Tim Bauer, he has done so much work, he’s an amazing man. He’s quit illustration like three times and come back because we all have this thing inside of us that pushes us to do it whether we like it or not. He would make us do these exercises where we had to draw a wonky shape on a piece of paper and he’d say, “Make the figure exist in that,” and you’d go, “What? How am I supposed to make this in this weird amoeba that I’ve drawn?” You’d end up with these figures that were strangely distorted and, once you let go, you realize there is no certain way it has to be. There are no limits, whatever process works for you isn’t going to work for the next person, and that’s okay. That took me a long time to be okay with, I kept trying to fit into a certain mold and once I let that mold go, I was listening to myself and listening to my body, listening to the way my mind worked and processed things. This was easier for me in black and white which is why I started doing it so much, because if my brain works like this, it’s harder for me to fight that than it is to give into that and see where it can take me. So just follow what feels right. It’s okay to experiment with anything and everything. It’s okay to look at styles you like and imitate them for a piece or two to see how that person is thinking. But take what you’ve learned, strip it away, and keep certain things. Whatever somebody else is doing is not going to work for you, and once you figure out what does it honestly opens your mind; you can make anything! I’ve felt more free since I realized how I work. Figuring that out is really hard, and I struggled with it for a long, long time. EC: And it’s a constant process too, you consistently have those moments of realization. VMS: It’s an evolution! You can pinpoint those pieces, like I said earlier, where something has changed. You might be stagnant for a while and think nothing is happening. When you go back to look at the work as a whole, lay it all out and look at what stayed, what went away. Figure out what was working and if you look at it and think, “Why am I not doing that anymore?” then pick it back up. It’s a constant evolution of your style, yourself, of the things you’re interested in, of your influences. Take all of that, smoosh it into a ball, then put it in a blender, then throw it away and pick it up again, and then you’ll be ready. The work will be better for it if you put your own spin on it.   You can find Valentine’s work at valentinemsmith.com, as well as @valentinemsm1th on Twitter and Instagram.     http://dlvr.it/Pb1xZZ

[ryanellisphoto]

#148 — Saturday, February 2nd, 2019 — Ryan Ellis Photography - Detroit Street Photography Session #148 — Nikkor 24mm f/2.8 (ca. 1971) - Nikkor 55mm f/1.2 (ca. 1977) - Joel Bosco 

Arrived @ 10:30 AM 

Departed @ 4:30 PM 

796 photos (and 13 videos) taken in 6 hours with just 63 “keepers” among them, rendering an 8% “success” rate at a pace of 132.67 shots per hour (I aspire to have at least a 10% “success” rate, taking at least 100 photos per hour as I am going out and around).

PATH TAKEN:

Greektown

The Broadway (and Shoes) (I met [again] and photographed the owner, Pepper Martin)

The Belt (I hesitated to photograph as freely as I usually do in order to preserve what I thought were the only two batteries I had on me… I wanted to put a positive twist on my blunder in my head [extoling the creativity that might spring at last by the pressure of a limitation], but my realism overrode my optimism this once, and I let myself mourn my apparent absent-mindedness)

David Klein Gallery (So very graciously, I was allowed to see the showing prior to the gallery’s opening time for the day. This is already my favorite gallery in the city. To use a lovely old-English word, I was astonied by that level of kindness; it stuck with me all day)

The Detroit Shoppe (I photographed and chatted with the man tending the store)

Campus Martius Park (I met with my hip hop pal, “Shadow Klan.” I told him I had portraits of him as well as a mix CD made by a recent friend I met at the Detroit Synth Project. This man can do a good bit musically, and in this context was doing early hip-hop-sounding beats. I hope to collaborate with the good man.)

Monroe Street headed towards GT (I photographed the two birds [one in flight] here… I asked a man passing by why there was a small knot of sparrows all collected on top of one SUV parked by the road with bike racks on it as opposed to the similar SUV right behind it that had nothing whatsoever on top of its otherwise quite-identical roof. He said that it was because there was snow that was turning to ice atop the one that was absent atop the other. I agreed and praised the man’s intelligence and perception. Also, the sun, I thought, was shining on the one car and not the other.)

Greektown (I gathered my portraits of “Shadow Klan” as well as my Detroit Synth Project-veteran pal’s hip-hop mix CD, and I laughed immensely [and for the rest of the day] about the fact I was going to turn the tables on my friend by essentially giving the giver what the giver usually gave ………… Also, I scoured my vehicle and found TWO more batteries [and this time full instead of half-full batteries for my Nikon D800! I thought I had put them on one bag, but they were in another. I shouted and sang in out and out joy for a while in my freezing cold car]! That turned my day right around from gloomy to glowing [regarding my outlook on how many shots I would be able to take] …………………… It was so cold in the car that drinking the Powerade I left in there as I went out and walked gave me immediate and intense brainfreeze!) 

Campus Martius Park (No “Shadow Klan” [my rapper pal] in sight)

The Esplanade on Woodward Avenue (from here I spied a SMART bus [just a plain, old city “omnibus,” as old Brtisihers might call it] across the street from me. I photographed the driver [with his ascent] through the window before taking a couple of portraits of him at the door from farther and nearer. He was a nice gent, and I showed him the shots and CD I had in my left hand in a grocery bag. He seemed charmed by the mission I was on to give these to my pal.)

Spirit of Detroit Plaza (Here I met Joel Bosco [travel {etc.} photographer -- his IG is joelbosco] I joked that the Spirit of Detroit had strong arms to be holding the people and gilt bronze sphere in his two arms without budging for so long. I added that we should shoot sometime together in the future, and I gave him my business card and headed further out to anywhere, Detroit)

Hart Plaza (I decided, whether or not good pictures would occur along the way, I would take my chance to wave hello to the nation geographically above and below me [Canada]. Before I got my chance, as I was walking that way, I turned and looked down a stairway that led to a below-ground commons loop, with both open and enclosed gathering areas, in the plaza. I usually avoid that area, because it is rife with homeless folks year-round and has too many spots that have too few wider views along its course to see if an attacker might be in waiting. It was what turned out to be a post service shopping cart that caught my eye and beckoned me warily down the snowy stairs. I can be daft, and I was here. I did not notice there were several young men snowboarding perpendicular to the path down the stairs I was on. There was a perpendicular set of stairs that also went from the ground level down to an underground level. I asked permission to use my camera, and when the athletes agreed, I took full advantage of the Carhart bib and coat I was wearing [with Red Wing boots] and layed across the ground to get my first shots of the extreme sports fanatics. I am a tad ashamed to include three shots from this part of my day, since I took so many other good shots; I just liked the way these felt better) ——— (I ran into Mr. Joel Bosco [the aforementioned photographer] again. I restated my desire to sometime shoot with him in the city, and he asked an interesting question, querying me what it meant to go shoot with someone. I paused and pondered and looked at him and asked what he was doing at the moment. He took on an open posture and gestured quizzically. I then said I was headed anyplace myself and asked if we might do the same path together at once, and he agreed.)

Campus Martius Park

The Hudson Site

Urban Bean Co. 

David Klein Gallery (I had such a grin on my face [and it was a dumb one] as I walked again through the gallery. I could not shake it off my face. It was shaping to be a good day, and I was overwhelmed by the goodness of the folks I knew and had just met in the city. I decided to direct more of my energy to enjoying the flutter of endorphins rather than trying to finesse their exact source)

Library Street Collective 

The Belt

Greektown 

Diamond’s Hot Dog Stand (You will never guess what Joel and I bought at the stand. He got a dog and a Pepsi; I got a dog  and  a Mountain Dew [I mostly never drink pop, so this was a rare treat]. His had jalapeños while mine did not. Diamond bought a food truck! She is expanding her business. I am happy for her and wish her all the best in the world.)

Eastern Market

Hot Bax (His IG is greektownhotbax -- He is Deon, my street drummer / bucket drummer friend. I have seen and photographed the man as long as I have been doing street photography in Detroit. I told him that my second week in Detroit [in January 2016… look up my D.S.P.S. #002] doing street shooing, I photographed his longtime collaborator drumming not far from where he was drumming. Deon seems to be doing well.)

The Belt

The Guardian Building (Mr. Joel Bosco and I parted ways after seeing just inside and part of the way around the outside of this building)

Campus Martius Park (I saw a beam of light hitting these three young men in Detroit Red Wings [our city’s professional, big league {at times world’s best} hockey team]. They were crowded around a pair of public electric scooters. I asked and was permitted to photograph them, and that I did. The one man with the overalls had a Detroit Super Mario look about him. I told him as much, and he chuckled over the resemblance)

Greektown

——————————

WHAT WENT ON ON THIS DAY IN DETROIT?

I just told you. Hahaha. 

TL;DR — I shot alone (in the sense that I had no plans to meet with anyone that day) for the first time in months, but Providence paired me with a new friend, and together we traversed downtown and Greektown and eastern market, cameras in hand, having conversations on foot.

——————————

If you like what I do, consider supporting me on Patreon:

https://www.patreon.com/seedetroitlikeido

Check out my YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmWGEXMZfJn5tutCOgK_dtg

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https://twitter.com/prayforryan

I have an Instagram that I am proud of. It has neat write-ups for my different works that also appear on my YT versions of the same videos. It also has photos and videos that appear nowhere else:

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[joneswilliam72]

Meet Halt and Catch Fire composer & former member of Tangerine Dream, Paul Haslinger.

I caught up with Emmy-nominated composer,  and former member of the classic German electronic band Tangerine Dream, Paul Haslinger, for a chat on composing challenges, his career, what makes a great score, what it was like composing for Netflix's much-lauded Mötley Crüe movie The Dirt,  and more, as it relates to his latest project, "Halt and Catch Fire Volume 2 – Original Television Series Soundtrack", which can be ordered here courtesy of Lakeshore Records.

Paul Haslinger.

Tangerine Dream in Minneapolis, MN in 1986. Paul Haslinger is pictured in the middle with Edgar Froese. Source: welt.de

Haslinger is an LA-based, Austrian composer and electronic musician known for his involvement with legendary German group Tangerine Dream from 1986 till 1990, as well as his extensive work for film, television, and video game scores. During the 1990s, he also released a few solo albums (three under his own name and one as Coma Virus) that explored various ethnic influences as well as industrial, dark ambient, and triphop. He has collaborated with Nona Hendryx, Jon Hassell, Lustmord, Fennesz, and many others. 

Haslinger began scoring short films in the late '90s, in addition to programming and arranging film scores by Graeme Revell, including The Siege, Pitch Black, and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Starting with 2000 HBO film Cheaters, Haslinger scored several films by director John Stockwell, including Crazy/Beautiful and Blue Crush.

He began scoring video games with 2005's Far Cry Instincts for Ubisoft Entertainment. Haslinger's music for the Showtime series Sleeper Cell was nominated for an Emmy Award in 2007. Other notable soundtracks Haslinger has composed include Shoot 'Em Up (2007), Death Race (2008), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), The Three Musketeers (2011), Underworld: Awakening (2012), Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016), The Dirt (2019) and Halt and Catch Fire.

Halt and Catch Fire—the AMC Studios series that ran for four seasons – captures the rise of the PC era in the early 1980s, focused on four main characters attempting to innovate against the changing backdrop of technology and Texas’ Silicon Prairie. The series was created and is executive produced by showrunners Christopher Cantwell and Christopher C. Rogers.

Catch "Halt and Catch Fire Volume 2 – Original Television Series Soundtrack" out now, courtesy of those most-excellent purveyors of always spectacular film music, Lakeshore Records; also enjoy the exclusive track – titled "Dreamers and Misfits" – that The 405 premiered from it embedded below the interview here. 

HALT AND CATCH FIRE Season 1 trailer.

Hello Paul and welcome to The 405! To start things off, I was hoping we could get an idea of what your creative process as a composer looks like when you start a project.

I usually start by looking for creative sparks - could be a new sound, a conceptual idea, a script, some footage I see… or a combination thereof. Once there is a spark, there is usually fire and then you just need to make sure the wind does't blow it out.

Very true. On a somewhat related question, your approach. What are the main things that a great score needs to do?

Functionally speaking, score supports story. And a big part of that is to not get in the way of story. I find most projects over-scored. Music should have its moments to shine, but it should be content at other times to stay extremely simple and understated if that's what supports the picture the best.

I agree. The best is not distracting. It does not snap you out of suspending your disbelief with the movie itself. You still forget you're watching a movie – if it's a good one.

Pivoting just a bit, you have quite the variety of film genres under your "composed by" belt too. Do you consider one genre easier to score than another? Why or why not?

Not really. So far, I've found ways under any circumstances to have some musical fun – it doesn't really matter to me which particular country we're in, or where we're driving. One of the absolute perks of writing for film and TV is specifically the fact that you are not beholden to a particular style. You can try as many different things as you like. For someone who gets bored quickly, this is quite a gift. It also bears the risk of getting lost on occasion, a price I'm happy to pay.

That seems to be the consensus among many of the composers I've put that question to. I admire your adaptability there too Paul, I'd imagine it's key in helping keep things interesting.

Does your time in Tangerine Dream influence your approach as a composer? Why or why not?

 It certainly was my start in film scoring and it laid the foundation for many things that came after.

Tangerine Dream at the time was understood as an alternative to traditional film scoring and it's a principle I kept applying in my work after leaving the band. On the other hand, Tangerine Dream was asked for the same type of alternate score over and over again. Leaving the band allowed me to cast my net wider, to keep exploring and discovering.

Interesting. Did your time in Tangerine Dream color your approach to Halt and Catch Fire with it being an '80s period series? What else initially attracted you to it?

At the start, it was obviously just a project that seemed like a good fit, a great chance to have some fun. Once I began working on the show, it became clear very quickly that this was not just an opportunity to revisit some '80s music, but that the writing, the cast, the whole crew, was one of those lucky coincidences where the right elements come together at the right time. One of the best teamwork experiences I ever had, it really fuelled everybody to work extra-hard and come up with something special.

That's fantastic. I remember really enjoying the series when it first came out. That kind of atmosphere really bleeds over into the final cut. What were the challenges like on scoring it?

There was great mutual respect between all creatives on the show, and the biggest challenges were typically the ones I set for myself, wanting my work to match the quality of the material I was scoring. The show's creators, Christ Cantwell and Chris Rogers, are both huge music fans, so we would regularly geek out on all aspects of sound, mix and general sonic architecture of the show. We definitely kept challenging each other, in the best and most creative ways.

Cool! A twist on a question I usually ask, what films, scores, composers and musicians would you say most molded you as a composer and musician?

If you're asking who inspired me, that's a ridiculously long list…

Yeah, it's a big question.

I am not sure if anybody "molded" me –

Substitute "influenced."

I see myself in a long chain of musicians and music history, where certain composers and events always influenced and inspired the next generation – it's a fluid structure with no hard delineations.

Absolutely.

Picking a few favorite composers of recent times (and with a spotlight on film), I would mention Bernard Herrmann, Ennio Morricone, Georges Delerue, Jerry Fielding, Ryuichi Sakamoto, Warren Ellis, Arvo Pärt, Edgard Varése.

Cast of HALT AND CATCH FIRE. Source:AMC

One title you scored that jumped out at me because I consider the film a bit of a guilty pleasure is 2007's Shoot ‘Em Up. The film is pretty brilliant, high-octane, action movie satire and the "bullet ballet" moniker for it was very fitting. I'm curious, what were the unique challenges with that as a project?

It was a tricky project, for sure. They had tried a variety of music approaches and found that they wanted a more modern approach than the usual Hollywood orchestral score. The film had some edge and they wanted the music to reflect that.

Absolutely. That scene with Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades” absolutely embodied that edge, musically-speaking, as an example.

My approach was to go into a studio here in LA and to form a band for the project (Justin Meldal-Johnson of Beck and NIN fame was musical director).

Nice.

We recorded a lot of material, some of it to picture, other parts just as free track developments. I then pre-mixed and went on writing the score based on these recordings, adding new parts. It was the first time I worked in this open, modular style (cycles of writing - recording - arranging) and have stuck with it ever since. It combines my knowledge of working in studios producing records, with writing for the specific purposes of film.

Monica Bellucci and Clive Owen in 2007’s SHOOT ‘EM UP. Source:YouTube

Fascinating how a movie like Shoot 'Em Up would help you find and refine that new way of working.

You've also scored great movies like The Dirt. What were the challenges like on that when much of the main music is Mötley Crüe level legendary? Does that put an interesting kind of pressure on a composer?

The Dirt was a lot of fun, in part, again, because we had a great team working on it. Knowing there would be a lot of featured and on-camera MC music, it was clear the score would function as a supplement, or glue, if you will, tying the story together and keeping the energy going in moments that did not feature any songs. It was a lot of fun, despite some of the gory details.

Interesting. Yeah, it's getting a lot of very justified praise. Our last question Paul, what's next for you?

I am finishing a new album project with Peter Baumann (ex-Tangerine Dream, like myself) which we hope to release later this year.

Wonderful.

I am also starting to work on the film Monster Hunter, which will reunite me with [director and writer] Paul W.S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich. Monster Hunter is based on the computer game of the same name. Set for release in early 2020, it will be larger than life and a great opportunity to come up with more musical monster madness.

  Follow Paul on Twitter and Instagram. Like his page on Facebook too!

”Dreamers and Misfits” from “HALT AND CATCH FIRE, Volume 2 – Original Television Series Soundtrack.

THE DIRT (2019) trailer.

SHOOT ‘EM UP (2007) trailer.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2I768VU

[harryandmeghan0-blog]

Gospel Lessons from a Royal wedding by Juliet Fletcher

New Post has been published on http://harryandmeghan.xyz/gospel-lessons-from-a-royal-wedding-by-juliet-fletcher/

Gospel Lessons from a Royal wedding by Juliet Fletcher

Well, we have spent the past fifteen to twenty years telling young gospel artists what it was like to have lived during the 1980s, when a select number of choirs, groups and soloists were signed to mainstream secular record labels. And now they have witnessed this for themselves, with the recent signing of Karen Gibson & Kingdom Choir to the UK arm of Sony Music, following the Royal Wedding. What lessons can we learn from this widely acclaimed achievement?

LESSON NO.1 – EXCELLENCE PROPELS YOU

In real, harsh business terms, it was a no-brainer decision for Sony. The song, ‘Stand By Me’, had reached the Number 1 slot on the US Billboard Singles Chart, following 10 million YouTube views, and 2 billion people had zoned in to watching the Royal couple say “I do” and to hear a choir, made up of African Caribbean or African British people singing ‘So fine, so sweet’. It must have been as startling to the US viewers, to see the British audience listening to Bishop Michael Curry, the Black presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church – the American equivalent of the Church of England.

With that perspective in mind, it’s the realisation of how the choir sang, combined with who they were singing for and how the public responded that has given us the resultant recording deal that makes this so special – especially since there are a number of British choir directors with choirs who have been performing to mass audiences and royal dignitaries for many years.

My first experience of Karen and her ability to hone a group of voices occurred while I worked at the BBC, producing The Gospel Train. From circa 1993 to 1996, The Gospel Train became the first regularly broadcasted programme on BBC Radio 2, which toured Pentecostal and Charismatic churches and recorded a live evening of music with special guest artists; a host choir and band, and an individual from the local audience, who would give a evidentially proven testimony of what the LORD had done for them. Some of the local choirs were not up to scratch and, after consulting Noel Robinson, who introduced me to Karen, I began to see her incredible skills put to great effect.

I remember a particular choir that was just unbroadcastable (if there is such a word). They wanted to sing a classic gospel song, and it didn’t matter how much they rehearsed, they sounded no better. In comes Karen and, in less than a month – and I think it was two-three rehearsals – they were relatively brilliant. So much so, that when we had a team production meeting to choose songs for a compilation album of the series, that song was the first choice of the Senior Producer! Wow! What a turnaround that was.

When I recommended Karen to other BBC producers, I had no qualms or nervousness. She delivered time and time again. Delivering quality at every level in every way. This is an extremely important attribute. None of us are exempt from it – no matter how long we’ve been doing what we do!

There is no doubt about it, it is a wonderful personal opportunity for Karen Gibson to bring her specific style of choir directing, her way of delivering the choral sound of British Gospel, to new and wider audiences. I’m excited for Karen and the singers, because they are properly and perfectly dedicated to what they do – with a right motive. Of course, they must receive payment for what they are doing; they have mortgages and rent to pay, and families to dress and feed… For some, it may be part time, others full time, but we know ALL THE TIME PRAISING AND HONOURING THE LORD – regardless of the situation they’re in. Let’s not get it twisted: working in the music and entertainment industry – because that is where they are – is not a complete bed of roses, and even if it were – roses have thorns! What we certainly need to do is pray for them, as they spread the message of hope, love, faith and peace to people.

LESSON NO.2 – THE RIGHT SONG IDENTIFIES YOU

I recall once, while I worked with the superstar vocalist, Deniece Williams, producing her BBC Radio 2 show, we went to the home of the late singer-songwriter and guitarist, Bobby Womack. He told us a few stories of his personal experiences, one of which was about the song, Stand By Me. Womack was a contemporary and friend of Ben E King, and he described King telling him how he needed one more song for his debut album, and this was the only one he had to hand that was mainly written as a gospel song. He sang it to the producers Leiber & Stoller, and they decided to change up the lyrics and arrange it to its current lyrical form. Bobby Womack told us that story, because he says that artists who had come out of gospel in those days, to follow the success of Sam Cooke, to become known as a soul stars, had written songs that were originally for gospel. Somehow, I feel Karen & Kingdom Choir have reclaimed Stand By Me and brought it back home to its original genre.

What was very important about the song Stand By Me was the actual skilled arrangement of this golden classic. This was all down to the excellent vocal coach, arranger, choir leader and producer, Mark De Lisser. I visited Mark’s website – and you should too! – at www.markdelisser.com, where there is the treasury of an exceptional workhorse of a musical master. His website is an AMAZING record of who he is and what he offers. Mark has done a lot of TV and radio work, but he has also established various choirs, including ACM Choir (founded as part of his work at the Academy of Contemporary Music).

We do have excellent anointed, appointed, skill-trained professionals – individuals who have taken the time to learn the art academically, but have also deeply embedded the craft of their roots and spirituality into all they do. I think it’s essential that individuals like Mark are highlighted, celebrated and encouraged within our scene and beyond it.

We need to encourage more compositions – both arrangements and originals – from our writers. We need a collective attitude about great songs, and making and matching songs with the RIGHT artists who can emotively, spiritually and physically deliver through performance. It’s a very sad but unfortunate fact that we have not been successful in profiling, sharing and re-recording songs of our British peers and contemporaries. Where are our nationally known British classic gospel songs? The answer must change in this generation.

As much as this is Ben E King’s composition, the Kingdom Choir/Mark De Lisser arrangement will always be identified, and probably choirs and other chorale groups will learn to sing that version. And we will be able to tell the back story to its powerful place in our timeline.

LESSON NO.3 – THE POWER OF THE FRUITS

This may be an odd philosophical lesson to some who will read this, but I believe there is a valid point somewhere in my text. I read a quote recently. It was someone else quoting the famed Christian apologist, Ravi Zacharias, who said: “The more we enjoy legitimate pure pleasure, the closer we are to the heart of God.” Now, this is a big BIG statement to me. And I compare this question with the many stories I have read in books and watched in films about people who are unbelievers, some atheists, who have a NDE – Near Death Experience.

It always amazes me that many and most of those people return to give their lives to JESUS, or at least become very committed to believing there is life beyond physical death. Most times, the first ‘good’ experience is being surrounded by LIGHT and atmosphere of pure LOVE, or to be filled with PEACE or some other intangible goodness. Often following those experiences, people become aware they are experiencing GOD or JESUS, without being told that is who they are experiencing. Now, bear with me, for here is my point…

I’ve had a look at Kingdom Choir’s website, and there are three big words: LOVE, MUSIC, POWER. When you are surrounded by PURE LOVE, PURE MUSIC or PURE POWER or, as is sometimes the case, all three elements, you can only but look up and probably discover, as many have, that this is GOD, and GOD IS LOVE. GOD IS SPIRIT. And this is where the FRUIT of the SPIRIT, listed in Galatians 5, lets us know that by these fruits we will know who He is.

Sometimes our religiosity can tie us down or limit a presentation in a formulaic manner. Be LOVE. BE LIGHT. God will make His Person known.

In closing, I pay tribute to a much-loved Choir Director and Pastor, Andrea Robinson, who preceded Karen Gibson, from the late 70s onwards, as one of our first widely known directors with a skill to hone and shape voices, regardless of where they came from or the level of their ability. Andrea went to be with the LORD earlier this year. Karen and other choir directors, who attended her Homegoing & Celebration of Life event, realise they are part of a select rare breed of persons with exceptional skills and ability, who carry something very special. Prayer and public support are needed for all our various Ministers of Music, as they engage in these great opportunities handed to them. Yet we need more constructive ways to empower each other, so that more of these opportunities are forthcoming and the influence of our music can increase.

Let’s keep learning the lessons.

Source: https://www.keepthefaith.co.uk/2018/09/06/gospel-lessons-from-a-royal-wedding-by-juliet-fletcher/