#we walk to our 8th hour class together every day (and like a couple other classes but that’s besides the point) and every time without fail

[alterouslyinlove]

i love him so bad it makes me look STUPID

[jlalafics]

things fictional couples do that make me lose my mind + writing prompts: n 14.

Hope you enjoy anon! This is totally unbeta’d as I have just finished it this morning! Happy Saturday!

14. when one of them has never had a proper birthday party for whatever reason, and their lover makes it their mission to give them the best day ever, followed by “you didn’t have to do all this for me. just being with you is enough.” “i know. but i thought you deserved?’’ and their lover smiles, a kiss is shared

_____

“I just never thought it was big deal.” Katniss picked at her plate of spaghetti. “To me, it’s just another day except I’m one year older.”

Peeta reached over, his hand covering hers from across their dining room table.

“That can’t be true,” he reasoned. “There must’ve been a time when you were actually excited about your birthday.”

Katniss sighed, looking at him warily before placing her fork down.

“Truth?” Peeta nodded and straightened himself so he could fully listen to her. “When I was seven, I decided I wanted to have a birthday party. So, my mom and I had invitations made and I handed them out during class. My parents decorated our apartment with streamers and a huge banner that my dad hand drew himself. We even got my favorite strawberry cake from a nearby bakery—a treat for us—since we didn’t have a lot of money.”

Peeta smiled, imagining a young Katniss, waiting excitedly for her party start.

“Then the day came…and no one showed up,” his girlfriend continued. “I waited for hours…until I fell asleep and my parents tucked me in bed. The next time I went to school, no one mentioned it. I cried all through lunch and finally, my teacher called my parents…it was a mess.”

“I’m so sorry.” Peeta stood and rounded the table, kneeling before her chair. “That’s horrible.”

“Later, I found out that some of the parents had an issue with bringing their kids to such a rough neighborhood,” Katniss told him. “I was a financial aid kid in a preparatory school. I didn’t belong and I learned that early. I also learned that birthdays are just another day and there is no need to make a big deal.”

“That is not true,” he declared. “And I’m going to prove it.”

Katniss looked to him suspiciously. “How?”

Peeta kissed the top of her head. “You’ll see.”

“Oh boy.” His girlfriend couldn’t help but grin. “That can’t be good.”

++++++

May 8th

Katniss awoke slowly, her eyes adjusting to light filtering through the blinds in their bedroom.

“Peeta—”

She turned to find her boyfriend’s side of the bed empty, his pillow cool. It wasn’t unusual. They had been living together for six months and even though it was a weekend, Peeta still got up early to pick up breakfast or even do a quick jog while she slept in.

Getting up, Katniss went to their adjoining bathroom, going through her morning ablutions. Her eyes closed in on her reflection, looking to see if there were any differences now that she was a full-fledge twenty-five-year-old.

Other than the slight line between her eyes—she glared way too much, according to her best friend, Johanna—Katniss found nothing different.

“Sweetheart, you awake?” Peeta called out from the living room. “Breakfast is ready!”

She smiled to herself, hearing the endearment. They had been together for a year, meeting at her friend Gale’s birthday party. Madge, Gale’s girlfriend, had invited her cousin to the party and that cousin was the man currently calling for her to join him for breakfast.

Was it love at first sight?

Perhaps.

Her breath might’ve caught slightly when Peeta had walked into the room. She had also briefly wondered if her outfit smelled like the coffee shop she was working at as Madge made the rounds to introduce Peeta to everyone.

As their eyes met during Madge’s introduction, Katniss knew that this man would change her life.

By the time they shook hands, she was a goner.

“Coming,” Katniss called out as she headed out and towards the living room. “I hope that you have coffee ready—” She froze, stopping at the archway leading into the front rooms. “What is this?”

Their living room was decorated in purple and yellow streamers connected by unicorns. Matching balloons floated on their ceiling while right above their couch was a weathered banner with ‘Happy Birthday Katniss!’ written on it.

“Happy birthday, love.” Peeta smiled tenderly at her, giving her a kiss, before placing a tiara with ‘Birthday Girl’ written in rhinestones atop her head. “Pancakes or waffles?”

“How did you know how my birthday party was decorated?” she cried out and her eyes widened at the banner. “And is that the actual banner that my dad made?”

Peeta guided her to their dining table. “I called your parents, and your mom sent a picture along with the banner. They kept it with all your other belongings.” He pulled out her chair and help his stunned girlfriend to her seat before pouring a cup of coffee, putting in a splash of milk and a spoonful of sugar—just how she liked it. “Also, she invited us for 4th of July at their place.”

“You called my parents?” she asked in surprise. “They haven’t even met you yet.”

“I went by Gale and Madge’s so I could Zoom them and introduce myself,” he explained. “Your mother looks really young for someone who has a grown daughter.”

“Why did you do this?” she asked, still in shock.

“Because you need a birthday do-over,” Peeta told her simply as he forked waffles onto her empty plate. “Eat up. We need to get going.”

She had already stuffed a waffle in her mouth.

“Where?”

++++++

“I thought you and I could try something new,” Peeta said as they walked through the park. “Your Dad mentioned that you used to do this together.”

“Why can’t I remember what it was?” Katniss said as he led her down a side road. “We did do a lot of things together…” He guided her into a gated enclosure, closing it behind them. “What is this? Are we about to run around here?”

“Nope.” Peeta walked over to a nearby tree—and pulled out an archery target. He came back with a bow and quiver of arrows. “We—or more appropriately, you—are going to shoot.”

“I haven’t done this in ages!” Katniss replied. However, her hands were already itching to get the bow. “This was something me and Dad used to do every weekend in the backyard.”

“But you had fun, right?” her boyfriend reasoned. “Birthdays are all about fun!”

Katniss chuckled at his exuberance thinking how adorably handsome he was.

And how hot that made her.

She took off her jean jacket, tossing it to the ground.

“Give me that bow.”

Peeta handed it over easily along with the quiver, watching as Katniss strapped the container to her back. He admired the strong line of her back as she walked away from the target and wondered for the millionth time how he even got a woman like her.

The moment Peeta saw Katniss at Gale’s party, he was a goner.

Peeta could barely get a word out as they shook hands, his eyes square on the beautiful woman before him. However, it wasn’t just her dark hair and smoky almond eyes that had him shook. There was a confidence in her that made her stand out like no other person in the room.

He was intimidated but also enamored.

Even now, Peeta was shocked that he even had the guts to ask her out on a date.

However, he thanked his lucky stars that he did and that Katniss accepted.

Katniss pulled back the string of the bow, hand firm on the grip before she released it with an exhale.

She grinned seeing that she managed to hit the bullseye.

“Thank you,” she breathed out. “I forgot how much I loved this.”

“Anything to see that smile on your face,” he told her.

“Get over here,” she called out.

“What?”

“You didn’t think that you were just going to watch me, right?” Katniss put a hand to her hip, her stare expectant. “You have to shoot at least once.”

Peeta shook his head as he joined her. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Then, I’ll teach you.” She cocked her head at him playfully. “Come on.”

Katniss handed him the bow before removing the quiver and placing it on the ground.

“You’re going to hold here—” She held the bow, hand in the middle. “—this is the grip. The head of the arrow is positioned in the middle of it. You’ll line it up from head to the end of the arrow—the nock. Then you aim, pull back, and shoot. Easy, right?”

“Not even close to easy,” Peeta pointed out.

“I’ll help you.” Katniss reached for an arrow, helping him line it up to the nocking point. She moved behind Peeta, her hand moving over his to where he held the string, pressing her front against the line of his back. He smelled of juniper and she breathed him in. “Now, aim as you breathe in and pull the string back. Now exhale and let go.”

Peeta shivered at her words. However, he held firm, listening to her instructions.

“Breathe in—” He pulled the string back, her hand guiding him, his eyes on the target. “—and exhale.”

Peeta let go, his eyes shutting as he did.

It was silent, the only sound being the twittering of nearby birds.

“Well, fuck that!” He opened his eyes to find Katniss at the target. “You are closer than I am!”

Peeta joined her, examining his work, before beaming at his girlfriend.

“What do you think?” she asked, breathless at the sight of him.

He dropped the bow, gathering her in his arms.

“I think that—” His mouth brushed against hers. “—I need to have you right now.”

Katniss shook at his words. “Now?”

“Yes.” Peeta was already lowering her onto the grass, his lips traveling along the opening of her top. “Now.”

++++++

By late afternoon, they managed to make it to their next destination.

“I still have bits of grass in my hair,” Katniss said as Peeta parked their car.

“But do you regret it?” he asked her, his gaze sated.

She shook her head. “Not one bit.”

They both got out of the car, making sure their clothing was fixed and in place before Katniss looked up at their newest destination.

“Our first date.” Peeta wrapped his arms around her waist as they gazed up at the neon sign: Greasy Sae’s. “I had prepared myself to take you on a fancy date.”

“Instead, you got a girl who loves a greasy spoon,” Katniss replied. “I’m starving, let’s go—”

“Before we go in...”

Peeta cupped her face in his hands before kissing her fully.

Katniss fell against him, her palm to his chest to steady herself. She could already her knees getting weak; it happened the first time they kiss and a year later, it continued.

She knew then that he was the one.

“…I just wanted to get one more in.”

“What do you mean?” Katniss asked as they headed towards the entrance. Peeta pulled the door handle, ignoring her question and her glare. “Peeta Mellark—”

“SURPRISE!”

She gasped, her eyes moving over the crowd of people—just about every person that she and Peeta knew—before settling on the three in front of her.

“Mom? Dad? Prim?”

Her parents dove in first, both pulling her into their embrace.

“Happy birthday, baby,” her mom said, kissing her cheek.

“Growing more beautiful every year,” her dad added gruffly.

They pulled apart so Prim could jump into her arms.

“Happy birthday, sis!” Her younger sister held her tightly. “I’m really glad I get to spend today with you.”

Katniss stared in shock. “How did you even get here?”

“Peeta,” Prim informed her. Katniss looked over to her boyfriend who was chatting with Gale, Madge, and Johanna. “He flew me, Mom, and Dad in. It was all arranged last week.”

“He is unbelievable,” she said dazedly.

“Peeta is crazy into with you,” her sister declared softly. “I wouldn’t mind having him as a brother, you know.”

Katniss grinned as her eyes met Peeta’s. “I know.” He smiled; eyes soft at the sight of her. “One day.”

++++++

“First off, thank you for all coming,” Peeta said, as he stood in the seat of the booth.

His eyes looked over the crowd for people all grinning up at him. Katniss’ parents stood to one side along with his own parents, who come into the city to attend the party and meet her parents. It seemed like the quartet were getting along, agreeing to brunch together the next morning. Prim was at a table with Gale, Madge, and Thresh, his co-worker at the office. The man was obviously into Katniss’ golden-haired sister.

Johanna, Katniss’ best friend, was also in attendance. She sat with Annie, who was Johanna’s cousin, and Finnick, her husband. Katniss along with the two women often went on girls’ nights while he and Finnick would hang out at the apartment playing video games or watching a movie.

Peeta realized that he and Katniss lived a full life together.

“Just make babies already!” Johanna called out, a wide grin on her sharp face.

“Also, I just wanted to say that we wouldn’t be here—eating diner food and drinking milkshakes—if this amazing, beautiful woman sitting before me wasn’t born,” Peeta continued, his eyes looking to Katniss, who shone brightly before him.

“But not before putting a ring on it!” Annie added, before toasting her milkshake glass against her cousin’s.

Peeta’s complexion reddened at their words though he couldn’t help but wink back at the women.

“Anyway, before Katniss goes running for the hills, I just wanted to toast to my beautiful girlfriend.” Their eyes met. “Thank you for being born and for making my life nothing short of spectacular.” He raised his soda glass. “To Katniss!”

The crowd echoed his sentiment: “To Katniss!”

Peeta stepped down and went to his girlfriend, holding out his hand.

“Dance with me?”

Katniss stood. “There’s no music.”

“Tonight you're mine completely…”

“You were saying?”

They went a clearing in the middle, Peeta wrapping an arm around her as her arms circled his neck.

Katniss grinned. “I can’t believe that you remember the song—”

“The song that played the first time we kissed?” Peeta pulled her in closer. He placed a soft kiss on her neck. “Of course, I remember. I remember every single moment since we’ve met.”

“I can’t believe you did all this for me,” his girlfriend replied, her grey eyes shining. “You didn’t have to do all this for me. Just being with you is enough.”

“I know, but I thought you deserved to have a birthday that gave you good memories,” he told her. “This is the birthday that we’re going to remember. The one that we’ll look back on when we’re old and grey. The one that we tell our children about.”

Peeta dared to look into her eyes. They had never discussed their future; he could only hope that’s where they were heading.

Katniss was grinning, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“The one we tell our children?” She nodded. “I like the sound of that.”

Then, their lips met and there was nothing else but their dance and the sound of The Shirelles from the nearby jukebox.

“I'd like to know that your love

Is love I can be sure of

So tell me now and I won't ask again

Will you still love me tomorrow…”

++++++

Katniss’ mouth ran along the line of Peeta’s neck as she slammed him against the surface of their front door. Her hands ran along the hem of his shirt, moving underneath to feel his bare skin.

“Baby…” Peeta groaned, his knees almost caving at the rush of pleasure hit him. He shakily reached for his keys, attempting to unlock the door. Katniss wrapped her arms around him, breasts pressed against his back, and her hands already unbuttoning his jeans. “…oh fuck…”

He turned the knob and they fell into their apartment in a rush of limbs.

“I made a strawberry cake…” Peeta pushed off her jean jacket, his mouth pressing to hers. “…just like the one you had for your birthday.”

“That’s so sweet—” Katniss yanked her dress over her head. “—let’s have it after I thank you for the best birthday ever.”

“The cake can wait.” He scooped her up and her arms wrapped his neck as she kissed up to his ear. “This cannot.”

A platinum diamond ring sat in the drawer of his side table.

He guessed that would have to wait for after as well.

FIN.

Music: “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow”-The Shirelles

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okay, here we go! Imma do my liveblog of The Hunger Games, Chapter One, for #THGagain :

I’ll put my thoughts underneath the cut so I don’t clog up the dash 🥳

Okay but right off the bat, Katniss says her mattress cover is rough 🥺. I don’t know, this just made me sad all of a sudden.

So okay, but the fact that Prim had a bad dream and climbed in with their mother? I don’t know if that indicates that Prim still sees their mother as a source of comfort whereas Katniss can’t let herself feel the same way or if it’s just because she didn’t want to wake Katniss.

Maybe it’s supposed to be that Prim is too naive to understand that their mother is mentally fragile? Since in Mockingjay, she says “I know there’s only so much mother can hear,” or something like that, as a way to prove she’s not a little kid anymore sooo. I don’t know. Just some thoughts.

Katniss is shady towards mama right off the bat 🤣. Katniss is shady no matter what though. It’s what makes her narration sound like a teenage girl.

If Katniss is so anti-social though, who’s telling her her mother was once beautiful?

As a cat lover, I take offense to Katniss’ insults to the poor one eyed furball 😭.

So coal miners are also women? I suspected as much but I didn’t realize it was explicitly stated? So if Katniss’ life had gone differently, would she have become a coal miner?

So none of the houses in Twelve get electricity outside of a couple hours a night? Or just in the Seam?

I always forget that Katniss had nightmares even before the games 😔😔😔. Nightmares of her father “being blown to bits.” She has a vivid way with words.

Her father made her bow 🥺🥺. I knew that. I just thought I should mention it again. She uses the bow her father handmade throughout the series 🥺.

Also she says Peacekeepers turn a blind eye to “the few of them who hunt”. A few is more than two. Who else besides Katniss and Gale go hunting?

I like that she randomly starts mumbling to herself 🤣🤣🤣

Once upon a time, Katniss was outspoken apparently. But she mentions that she has to hold her tongue even at home because Prim may repeat her words. I don’t know why, but Prim seems immature for twelve years old. At twelve, in today’s society, you’re going into sixth grade. A sixth grader should know how to keep a secret or hold her tongue.

Gale says she never smiles but in the woods but isn’t that the only place they really spend time together? 🤣

“I kind of liked that lynx but I liked the money I got for it’s pelt more” 😂😂😂

An arrow inside bread. How fortuitous 😭😭😭

I do love that Katniss’ first introduction of Gale is “he could be my brother”

“But we’re at least not that closely related” 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

“Katniss, get off your cousin”

Even though the merchant class is smaller

Meaning they’re even more inbred

And Katniss is half merch-

Okay I’m done with this line of thinking 🤭😅

So backwoods 🤣

So did Mrs. Everdeen’s parents disown her? Or what? Do they still own that apothecary shop? Does Katniss occasionally walk by her grandparents in the town square? Like I’d like more context here, Suz 🙃

Aww, I always feel so bad for Katniss when she talks about her mother abandoning her 😭😩🥺

“But to be honest, I’m not the forgiving type” me either. Me either 🤧.

This may be why I so closely relate to her when she’s angry.

And why when people in the book say she needs to be more forgiving (ala Haymitch) I’m like “no”

I’m sorry but on second glance (more like 8th glance because I’ve read this chapter since I was 16) it’s so obvious Gale was hitting on her here 😅.

She’s oblivious 🤣🤣🤣

As she should be 😆

So later on, in the second book at least, Katniss definitely has some high respect for Hazelle Hawthorne. But here it seems to be like she’s implying Hazelle and her own mother are useless without her and Gale, and like they wouldn’t be able to provide for themselves. Maybe Hazelle just wasn’t fleshed out to Suzanne when she wrote the first book, the same way the love triangle you can tell if you look is sort of just tossed in there in the first book too? Anyways, just a thought.

That line about Prim being the only person Katniss is certain that she loves is sweet (it’s actually one of my favorite lines in the series) but it’s also so shady at the same time 😅😅😅. Like girl, you’re not sure if you love your mother or even your best friend (in a platonic way)?

Katniss makes a point in mentioning it took a long time for her and Gale to become friends. And I feel like that has been simplified a lot along the way, but it never really sounded to me like Katniss and Gale were besties for as long as most people think. The movies are a lot to blame for this, I know.

I don’t actually think Katniss is truly jealous here of the other girls wanting Gale? I feel like if she were she would have unconsciously insulted the school girls who were into him instead of just outright saying she was jealous, just not for romantic reasons. But who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️.

It was already mentioned earlier but I think Suzanne made a continuity error here, when Gale and Katniss mentioned fishing at the lake. The lake is a place Katniss explicitly mentioned in Catching Fire, to be private between her and her father. She even specially said she never took Gale there. I feel much better about my own writing continuity errors now.

Okay, both Katniss and Gale are so dumb. I would never prepare a feast for after the reaping. They’re just jinxing themselves. I have OCD really bad no one come for me.

I like how The Hob is a black market that’s literally just sitting in broad daylight 🤣🤣🤣.

Katniss just referenced being attacked by dogs... um I’m sorry, do we have no fear of rabies in this universe? 😭😭🙃🙃😐😐😅😅

Katniss : “me and the mayor’s daughter aren’t friends, we just hang out all the time at school, eat lunch together, sit by each other and are always partners. But weren’t not friends.” 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I like the mention of hair ribbons for the rich girl. This is just the fic writer in me seeping into my reading.

Gale and Madge’s little dispute ...

I see why they get shipped together 😅. They’re both just taking swipes at each other here.

Awww, Katniss sticking up for Madge, even though Madge is the privileged one 😭. Katniss has such a pure heart.

The entire point of the Madge/Gale interaction though was just to set up the class divide explanation in Katniss’ head to the reader.

But my Peeta centric heart also picks up on the comments in Katniss’ head of how unlikely it is to be chosen at the reaping when you’re a town kid.

In other words, Peeta had a slim to none chance of being chosen and still was.

Now I think of it, so was Prim...

That was just an unlucky reaping for the kids without tesserae 🙃

Also it reminds me of every fic I ever read that mentioned a conspiracy in the reapings and how the kids aren’t actually chosen at random but anyways I digress

I feel Gale though, with the whole idea of knowing something isn’t this person’s fault and there’s nothing they could do but still being so angry at them because it isn’t fair that you have to suffer and they don’t.

My anger issues are really showing 😅😅😅.

Honestly though, if Katniss is saying Gale on a normal day is rational about the class divide not being merchants faults, then clearly his issues with Peeta later on really were just of jealousy and not because he was a merchant vs Seam.

I just feel like I’ve seen that around and I’m not really convinced

In my interpretation of the character, Katniss’ reasons for not sharing in Gale’s rage comes from exhaustion after a lifetime of powerlessness. Some people (re: females more often) just get worn out about the things they cannot change and can’t even let it get inside their brain because there’s nothing they could do about it.

I mean, she is a more understanding person than Gale but I feel like so much of her character is already so tired right from chapter one.

Okay, just a pointless rambling thought

“Where something pretty” these children are so shady 🤣🤣🤣 that’s a line I would say though

The fact that her like 42 year old mother still fits in a dress she wore at like 20 is really a testament to how hungry they are 🤧🤧🤧

Okay but I’m not trying to pick on her mother, but when they were starving, why did either she or Katniss sell the fancy clothes from her apothecary days? I’m nitpicking I know. I’m a nitpicker.

Also good for Katniss trying to forgive her mother.

God knows how hard it is for me to try and forgive people.

Literally, God knows.

I like that Katniss didn’t disagree with Prim saying she’s beautiful, just that she doesn’t usually look this way 😂😂😂.

I just know my sister wouldn’t let me not take tesserae if this was us. She’d be like “you’ll be fine, four entries? Please. We can have more food for an entire year, don’t be selfish.” 😅😅😅

I feel like noting that Katniss and Prim’s age gap isn’t that significant? Four years? That’s not that large. Not even at 12 and 16.

They herd these children off like they’re .... pigs going to a slaughter... 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss casually stating “I could be shot on a daily basis” 😐😐😐

Katniss and Gale agreeing they’d rather be shot than starve is honestly so sad but lowkey sounds like something two teenagers would say. They should have put dialogue like this in the movies.

I didn’t even remember District 12 has 8,000 people.... why’d I think they only had 3,000????

I need to update some of my fics with this information

Katniss just said “televised by the state”. I’ve never heard her call any region a state before?

I like that Katniss calls Effie’s grin scary and white, because tons of people (i.e me) whiten our teeth in today’s society. And to Katniss and probably all of Twelve that’s creepy. I think it’s weird to Europeans too but l digress.

Also do the people in this district brush and floss, they never seem to mention it in the books, ya know?

Honestly the idea of the hunger games sounded cooler without Songbirds and Snakes telling us it was just some dumb guy’s idea that no one ever thought would come true.

Aww, sugar is a delicacy 🤧🤧🤧

I knew already that but lemme fully feel that sentiment for a moment okey

Umm I’m sorry, did Mayor Undersee just casually state Lucy Gray Baird’s name every year and we never knew it? Did Snow just allow this? Seems suspish

Also the idea of Katniss being her distant relative and hearing the name and not knowing the connection... and yeah, anyways. I got wayyyy ahead of myself and off track sorry

Why would Haymitch hug Effie? I’m sorry, but Hayffie having a secret affair at some point in all the years they worked together seems more likely than I thought.

I mean, Katniss never mentions Haymitch hugging anyone besides her and Peeta when they just almost died, are about to die or that one time Katniss was sobbing because she thought Peeta was gonna die.

You know what though? I like that at this moment, when the name is about to be announced, Katniss worried about herself. She spends so much time worrying for her sister, babying her sister, mothering her sister, she deserves ten seconds of worrying for her own safety.

Of course, said sister is the one chosen. Ironic considering the whole encounter with Madge.

Okay, I think that concludes my thoughts for chapter one of The Hunger Games!

[purpleyellow]

When my love blooms

BTS 8th member

Sunny’s masterlist

“Sunny's expeciences during When Our Love Blooms”

a/n: JUST FYI, Jinyoung plays a dude named Jaehyun and Sunny plays the character named Jisoo.  Your opinion is very important for me, send feedback and requests anytime 💜 Also, don’t be shy and interact a little, ask box is always open

DAY 1

Looking at herself in the mirror, Sunny fixed her now brown hair and snapped a quick picture. Sending it to the BTS group chat with an “I should have bangs more often :p” she quickly locked her phone and put it away, leaving the small changing trailer the stylists had led her to.

“Sunny, let’s go this way so you can do a table reading before we start shooting” One of the producers called her to one big room where most of the staff were already seated in a big table.

Looking for her name tag, she saw her empty spot next to Got7’s Jinyoung, who was already seated playing on his phone. The few times Sunny had met him before, they never really interacted that much, since she usually stuck to talking to Bambam because they’ve known each other since trainees. Bowing respectfully, she sat down next to him trying not to stay too close.

“Excited to start shooting?” Jinyoung tried to make the atmosphere less awkward, turning towards her as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Yes, a little nervous as well” Sunny nodded, suddenly trying to remember all of the acting classes she had taken the week prior.

“You’ll be fine, table readings are a great way to get used to the storyline and build confidence in your character” he smiled sweetly at her.

Smiling a thanks to him, she paid attention as the director and producers started giving out tips to the actors and fully explaining the storyline to every little detail. “It’s important all of you get in sync with the ages you’ll be interpreting” was a sentence heavily repeated, since the story would be set in two different times.

After about two hours, when the meeting ended, the two idols stood up and grabbed their stuff from the table. “Your character is really in love with mine” Jinyoung nudged her with his elbow smirking.

“He’ll be just as whipped for her in less than two episodes” Rolling her eyes, Sunny joked back and started walking side by side. 

Looking around to see if anyone was paying attention, she decided to share one of her worries with him. “I know this might seem out of nowhere, but I’m dating Sehun from EXO. And by what they said a few minutes ago there will be a lot of kissing involved. Do you think I should tell him about it?” 

With wide eyes at the sudden confession, Jinyoung assessed the situation before speaking “Does he know you’re acting and I’m the love interest?” After Sunny confirmed he shrug his shoulder, face back to its relaxed state “Then it’s implied. Mentioning it to him would only make it look like it’s a bigger deal than it actually is”

Still a bit unsure about it, Sunny tried to assure herself it would be fine, Sehun had never been the jealous type and he looked very excited when she told him about the project. Sensing her uncertainty, Jinyoung placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Look, seventy percent of the shots will be manipulating camera angles and lighting, we’ll just need to stand very close to each other” She rose an eyebrow at the last part and he sighed “I swear everything will be strictly platonic, just try to look like you’re in love with me when the cameras are rolling” With a breathy laugh, Sunny calmed down a little.

DAY4

Stepping out of the fake bedroom, the girl grabbed a tissue handed by a staff member and started to dry a few tears. Waiting for the director to tell her what to do next, she looked around and found a very excited boy jumping and waving her way. 

“Okay everyone, that’s enough for today” The middle-aged man shouted and Sunny took off towards J-Hope. 

Engulfing her in a hug, he patted the top of her head and smiled brightly “I missed you so much. You’ve been working a lot lately, we barely see each other on the dorms since you always leave way too early and come home very late”

“It’ll only be for a couple of weeks. Here let’s go to catering, I haven’t eaten yet” Sunny grabbed his arm and took him to a bunch of trailers parked. 

After she got her lunch, they sat down in a table and she started eating with him stealing a couple of bites here and there. “Jungkook said he will pay you a visit as well, he’s trying to set a date with Yugyeom so they can come together”

“He’s really tight with his 97 friends huh? I wonder if he would come at all if Jinyoung wasn’t in this” Sunny rolled her eyes remembering the many times she had to repeat what she had said because Jungkook was too absorbed in his group chat to pay attention.

“Let’s just be happy he’s making friends” Hobi smiled and Sunny laughed “I’m being serious, you were very quick to befriend other idols and do your thing, I thought Kookie would never leave our side” 

“But he did talk to other people” Sunny tried to reason with him.

“Yeah, only when V or Jimin was around, the boy took introverted to another level” he looked around and reverted his gaze to her. “And you, have you made more friends here?”

“I talk with a few actors and the staff are nice I guess” Sunny shrug her shoulders “You just said I made friends easily, why so worried out of nowhere?”

“Because I know you” Hobi smiled gently at her “You probably spend most of your day worrying about doing a good job and studying the script. Not trying to break this to you, but I don’t think you’ll ever get the chance to do this again, do you really  want to let the experience pass instead of making connections and having the time of your life?”

Sighing, Sunny placed her arms on the table and looked around as well “It’s just, people here are always working. I know that seems like heaven for me, but it gets tiring only talking about techniques and obsessing over the storyline. Also, I don’t think other people are interested in talking with an idol. I’m like a choir kid who wanted to try out the drama club”

J Hope laughed at her comparison “I’m glad you’re not leaving Bangtan to become an actress then” He smirked and she rolled her eyes with a small smile “How about the other actors? I guess Jinyoung’s on the same boat as you”

“I guess so. We talk in between shots sometimes, he’s probably the closest I have to a friend” as she said that the boy raised his arms in victory.

DAY6 (yes, it was on purpose)

“Okay, cut” The director yelled and Jinyoung retreated his lips from the corner of Sunny’s mouth “Please don’t leave the phonebooth, I’m going to check if we need to do that once again”

With the amount of space restricted, Sunny rested her back on the glass and the Got7 member tried to back away as much as possible, but it wasn’t enough to be a respectable space. 

“I’m sorry if this is awkward,”  Jinyoung said looking everywhere but at her. Not that Sunny knew because she was literally doing the same. “I’d open the door, but I’m sure he’d yell at me for doing so”

The girl didn’t have time to respond back, as someone yelled they were done for the day. Finally breathing properly, she stepped out of the small place and saw Yugyeom and Jungkook on the back watching the staff work. 

Looking at Sunny with wide eyes, her groupmate walked very fast towards her and dragged her somewhere more secluded. “Do you know how intimate that looked?” he said like he was scared making the girl laugh.

“Well, it is a romantic drama. I’m sure it was supposed to look like that” she said shrugging her shoulders and leaving to get out of her costume.

Grabbing her arm again, Jungkook prevented her from moving “Still, it’s awkward. Aren’t you uncomfortable with it? We can talk to your manager and get them to change the script or something”

“Are you crazy?” Sunny put her hands on his shoulders and shook him a little, getting him out of his shock “They signed me to play their character, I’m sure they would straight up fire me if I did anything even remotely close to changing the scenes”

“Well… I-I’m uncomfortable with it” He stuttered a bit but ended up crossing his arms and fixing his posture as if he was some kind of authority, all Sunny did was raise an eyebrow at him “Sehun Hyung won’t like this either. Plus you’re like a child, isn’t this like, illegal?”

“I’m literally a year younger than you” she reminded him,

“Well, it’s legal then” He nodded “But, Sehun? Does he know this?”

“Of course, I’m not going to lie to him about where I spend most of my day”

“I’m not talking about that” it was Jungkook’s turn to raise an eyebrow, making Sunny sigh.

“I haven’t told him about the kisses, if that’s even what they are, but he does know I have a love interest” She linked arms with him and started walking towards a trailer, she desperately wanted to get out of those clothes and go home “I’m scared if I talk too much about it it’s going to seem like I care too much about what’s going on”

“But if you don’t it might seem like you’re trying to hide something” Jungkook pointed out being led by her “If it were me I’d want to know. I would probably become petty though”

“Yeah, you would” Sunny smiled at his personality.

“What do you mean by those not being kisses by the way?”

“Oh. Fake kisses are so boring, like, lips aren’t even fully touching. Plus, the real feeling of-”

“That’s enough” He cut her off flustered “ I already know that I don’t know why I needed for you to say it. Please forget I even asked”

DAY 7

“So, that’s what has been going on” Sunny said to her phone. Pacing from one side to the other on the empty makeup trailer.

“Okay” She heard Sehun’s muffled laugh on the other side “I already know you would be doing stuff like that. It does worry me a little that something made you feel like you had to tell me this now”

“I had talked with Jinyoung about this and he told me it wasn’t a big deal, but Jungkook came yesterday and said it would be better if you were aware”

“Oh, so you asked your fake boyfriend what to do about your real boyfriend?” Sunny could feel him smirking through the phone and unconsciously rolled her eyes.

“This really isn’t going to become a problem right?” She stopped pacing and faced her brunette figure in the mirror.

“Trust me it isn’t. You’re going to give me double the kisses to make up though” Sunny smiled at his silliness “I have to go right now. I love you”

“I love you too” she blew a kiss and he hung up.

Leaving the trailer, she saw Jinyoung also walking towards the set she was going to. “Hey, settled everything with the boyfriend?” 

“Yeah, and he said he already expected it” Sunny started walking with him, the space between them enough to fit another person.

“I told you, you should have trusted Sunbae” Jinyoung smiled at her, using his nickname from the drama, and Sunny rolled her eyes once again.

“Keep talking like that, and I’ll have to start calling you Jaehyun” she spoke with a mischievous grin and it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Aah Jisoo, your friendship means the world to me”

2 Months later

Sunny was laying on her bed while scrolling through social media and checking out people’s reviews on the latest episode when her notification bar rolled down showing a new message from Sehun 

“Come to my place, we need to talk”

(please don’t kill me, pt 2 will be coming soon)

[urlocalclosetcase]

It’s 7th grade, we have the same team, same classes. Idk who you are, but you’ve taken up an interest of trying to talk to me. I try but I can’t. Weird kid.

It’s 8th grade, and now you’re not that weird kid, but now you’re a weird kid who I’ve grown fond of. All throughout the year you tease me, make me chase after you physically, make me laugh, I make you laugh- we get each other. The year sadly doesn’t care how long we wanna be with each other, and it finishes up quickly. Too quick.

It’s freshmen year, I stare at the door. I wait to see if you walk into class or not, I wait to see if today’s a day of laughter or a day of what if’s. Just as I mulled over the possibility of that, you appear- energetic, happy, bubbly. I decide today’s gonna be a good day. We laugh, stare, share gentle touches with paranoia creeping on our backs. What is this feeling?

It’s sophomore year now, we don’t have a class together but we always walk past each other in the hall ways. We share a few smiles throughout the days dwindling hours. Even running into a locked one day because I only saw your eyes and nothing more. One day I’m annoyed, and instead of smiling at you, I set my frown and stare and shake my head at you. We never did get that smile back.

It’s junior year now, and covids stripped us of our time. We now only see empty Snapchat names and the occasional random text. I decide enough is enough- I confess. “I think I have a thing for you, but I’m not sure if you do for me.” To my dismay he’s in a relationship- has been for a couple of weeks. Even through text I can feel him. It’s awkward. I made it awkward.

It’s a week later, I bleach my hair- cliche? Definitely. Needed? Just a bit.

Months pass. Your birthday is today. I wish you a happy birthday, you say thanks and instead of me replying with a short sentence like every year before, I leave you on open.

It’s now the New Year, and your being feels as distant as the land and the sky.

It’s now the end of the school year- you’ve been more active on social media, you’ve changed. Idk if I like the change. But then again idk if I like you.

It’s the beginning of senior year now, and somehow you pop into my mind every now and then. Idk if you’re still at school or not. You’re not someone I consider a friend. You’re a memory. A good one at that. Our shared smiles, laughter, our touches, our jokes, our classes, our movies, our time, our messages, our everything’s- but now it’s clear that I was a pass time. Nothing more than a distraction to get through the day. And I as go through everyday now, I realize how little I’ve let you go.

I hate that about myself, never seem to let go.

[desticuleconfessions]

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

[george-mackay-macfine]

Dear Diary - Prt. 8

November 3rd, 2011

Dear Diary, 

Here’s a comprehensive list of what the last two / three days have been comprised off. 

Dean and I trying to cheer Harry up, and convince him that Ellie wasn’t all she was cracked up to be. 

Me cleaning Harry’s face pretty regularly… somehow the injuries from the fight made him even more attractive… 

Dean telling Harry if it was the consistent sex Harry was upset he’d be loosing he was sure he could help him find another girl. 

George knocking on my door at one in the morning after he’d finished drinking and watching football with Harry, Dean, Henry and Jordan begging me to let him inside… He promised he’d only sleep…. You don’t know how close I was to conceding. 

Jordan’s done a TOTAL 180, he’s not being a dickhead since the party… It’s nice. 

Henry’s been helping me study sometimes, he’s really good at keeping me focused… I think he’s learnt that if we stop every twenty minutes to talk about George boy’s I’m pretty good. 

I’ll keep you updated as the week goes on, 

November 5th, 2011

Dear Diary, 

Not much has changed, Harry’s attitude has improved some more. The flat’s becoming less tense, his face has healed.  

George hasn’t knocked on my door again…

November 8th, 2011

Dear Diary, 

Today, well tonight really I’m going to give my first all-nighter a go… To be fair it’ll be in the comfort of my own home, in my own bedroom, but the excitement is still there, well as much excitement I can muster when I think about the mountains of work I have to go through. 

Exams are coming up and I do need to be prepared. 

November 8th, 2011 - Still 

I cannot work here. Dean and Harry have the boys over again, and they’re being obnoxiously loud! Don’t they understand how hard medicine is? All the moving parts… 

November 8th, 2011 - Still 

Dear Diary,

Sorry for all the diary entries, but now I’ve left the flat, and I’ve been at the library for the last four hours - not that interesting I know, but it’s what happened on the lead up to me leaving the house, and the walk to the library, AND the library itself. Let me break it down into three parts for you. 

Incident One - The flat 

“Y/N,” I groaned my head dropping against my textbook as George slipped into my room, I picked my head up and spun on my chair to look at him arms folded over my chest, eyes turning into slits. George, on the other hand, had a bottle of beer in his hand, his cheeks flushed and that stupid goofy smile I adored so much stretched across his lips. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m trying to study, but some people keep making a lot of noise,” 

“Is that them out there?” He thrust his thumb over his shoulder oblivious to my sarcasm. “Want me to tell them to be quiet?” 

“No, it’s okay.” I spun back around, hands picking up my various textbooks and notebooks. “I need to go to the library anyway. You guy’s don’t need to try and keep it down.” 

“You’re leaving?” I nodded my head, picking up all the notebooks and texts book’s I’d need. “You don’t need to leave, We can be quiet I swear,” George sat down on my bed, the springs squeaking. He bounced a couple more times, springs making the same noise. “Wow,”

“What?”

“Loud bed,” He moved again his face shrivelled in confusion. “Wouldn’t be the best for any late-night activities,” I rolled my eyes and reached over George to pick up the backpack I’d carelessly dropped hours ago when I’d come home from classes. George was quicker though, his hands gripped my waist and pulled me into his lap. “What’s going on in this head of yours,” His fingertips tapped my head gently, “Talk to me Y/N,” 

“I’m fine George,” 

“You’re not,” He moved my arms so they strung around his shoulders, linking behind his neck. “Tell me what it is,” He smiled sweetly up at me, “You can talk to me,” I fiddled with my fingers behind his neck, fingers grabbing onto the short hair at the nape, as I ducked my head down, unable to take the eye contact, “It’s just us Y/N…” He leant his forehead against mine. “Just us,”

“I’m mad at you,” I frowned deeper, “I know I don’t have the right to be, but I am.” 

“Why?” His free hand pushed the hair behind my ear, I had nothing to hide behind. “Because I kissed you?” I nodded my head, skin bumping his, bottom lip slipping between my teeth. “I’m not mad at you,” His hand worked from my hair to my lip, softly pulling the bottom lip out from beneath my teeth. “But I do need you to stop doing this, why are you mad about the kiss?” 

“You’re used to this George, you’ve dated girls casually, had one night stands but I haven’t,” 

“We didn’t sleep together…” 

“I wasn’t done.” I snapped. “I have never kissed a boy who wasn’t my boyfriend, let alone kissed a boy who's my close friend… I don’t really know how to feel about it, How to act.” My hands fell from around his neck to his shoulders, picking at the fabric. 

“Do you regret it?” 

“I don’t know,” I whispered fingers continuing to fiddle. “I just feel like you’re on this other level to me, you always have been this great thing that’s always seemed so out of my reach, ever since high school and I’m down on another level and my head is spinning because we kissed George,” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “We kissed, and I know I said it wouldn’t change things, but then you said those things after, and I’m sorry but it has changed and I can’t be the only one who's felt it."

“You’re not on another level to me Y/N,” He cleared his throat, “Especially not below me, if anything… you’re above me,” He pulled back, hands holding onto my cheeks. “You’re Y/N fucking Y/L/N… Every guy at my school thought you were the sweetest person, I remember one time at a football match, you handed out orange slices to all of our players because our school didn’t have anything for us and it was a hot day… First time I ever saw you,” He cleared his throat, “But, you’re right. I’m sorry for kissing you, it was wrong, and I’m sorry for saying those things after, that was also wrong of me.” One of his hands left my face, fingers beginning to run comforting circles on my hip bone, “But we can just pretend it didn’t happen Y/N, we can go back to how things were leading up to the party, leading up to the kiss… let’s just forget it happened.” 

“Really?” George nodded his head, 

“I mean I’ll have to tear the pages out of my diary but I can pretend if it means I keep my best girl,” 

“Shut up,” I groaned my head falling onto his shoulder. George moved us, my bed squeaking underneath him as he lay down, I was still on top of him, my head against his chest now listening to his heartbeat. 

“You really are the best girl I’ve ever met Y/N,” George’s hands ran up and down my back. “And I truly am sorry that you were feeling like that, my mum would kill me if I hurt you,” I looked up at him, chin resting on his chest now.

“You told your mum about me?” 

“Of course,” He smiled. 

He’s bloody done it again,

“I have to go,” I pushed up from his chest, climbing awkwardly over him, picking up the bag and shoving my books in. “I really have to get some studying in,” I didn’t let George reply as I pushed open my bedroom door as a loud cheer filled my ears. “Exam’s are close,” 

“Where you off to Y/N?” Jordan asked, eyes still trained on the T.V, “MacKay annoy you that much you’re running away?” 

“No, just to the library,” I smiled walking to the door. “Enjoy the game,” I pulled the door open and slipped out quickly.  “Jesus,” I whispered as I leant against the door for a second, giving my mind the time to process the events that had just happened. 

George MacKay had made my heart rate spike in a matter of seconds, his sweet admission turning me to mush, but should I really be surprised, at this point I was certain George could do anything and as soon as he flashed his goofy smile my way I’d crumble and fall at his feet - unhealthy really when I think about it. 

“Don’t be that girl Y/N, don’t be that girl,” I whispered to myself as I pushed away from the door beginning to walk down the hallway. 

This led into the next thing,

Incident Two - The walk

“Y/N,” I turned to look behind me as I reached the door for the stairwell, Harry was running towards me pulling on his coat. I stepped away from the door, walking towards him. “Hey,” 

“What's wrong?” Harry shook his head, a slight smile on his lips 

“Nothing, I’m going to walk you,”

“You don’t need to Harry,” 

“I’m not letting you walk alone,” He reached behind me and pulled the heavy door open, nodding his head for me to walk through. 

“You’ll miss the game,” He shrugged his shoulders, hand going to my lower back, now pushing me through the door. 

“I’ll watch the replays,” He smiled walking behind me, together we walked down the three levels and out into the cool early evening air, I had to stop myself from staring at him the entire time, unable to work out why exactly he was walking me. “Why are you going to the library?”

“I’m having trouble studying at home, and I figure it’s the easiest place to go,” I shrugged readjusting the backpack. 

“Here let me,” Harry reached and took the backpack off my shoulder, casually pulling it over his own. “Were we being too loud?” 

“It's fine,”

“You should have told Dean or I… it’s your flat too.” 

“Its fine Harry, I don’t mind,” I smiled across at him. “Besides you’ve been… not the happiest the last couple of days I didn’t want to stop you from having some much-needed fun,” 

“Doesn’t matter,” 

“It does.” I pulled my coat tighter around my body. “You deserve to have some fun,” 

“How about we make a list,” Harry suggested, “Of things we want our future selves to remember, from our eighteen-year-old selves,” Harry shuffled the bag on his shoulder. “When I get back to the flat, I’ll write them all down, and we’ll go over them in thirty years,” 

“You still wanna be friends in thirty years?” I looked across to Harry, unable to keep the bright smile from my lips. 

“Nothing good ever happens after two AM.” He declared. “Making any decisions in the most unholy of holy hours is always a terrible idea. The tattoo, the piercings… all bad ideas,” 

“Things change, it might not have worked out the first time, but time changes things…”

“You don’t always end up being the person you always planned to be,” 

“Oh, a good one,” I pursed my lips. “Don’t think so much and just do.” 

“Destiny happens whether you plan it or not,” He looked over to me, urging me on with his eyes. 

“There is someone out there for you, no matter what you think…. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday.” 

“Enjoy the ride, even if you know the expiration date.”  He smirked, “I mean it Y/N… Uni isn’t going to be around forever, you got to enjoy it more.” 

“The littlest things can have a ripple effect that’ll change your life,” 

“There are two big days in any love story. The day you meet the girl of your dreams, and the day she takes your last name.” 

“Love’s confusing,” I bit my lip, mind flashing to George, and the events of my bedroom only minutes earlier. 

“Wait for it,” Harry finished. “Whatever it is, whoever it is… If you know you want it, or them… wait for them,” 

“I like that one the best,” 

“She cheated on me,” Harry announced, “I know I should have been most angry about that, but that wasn’t the reason Oliver and I got into it.” 

“What were you angry about?” Harry shook his head, his mouth turning into a thin line. 

“I’ll tell you about it another day,” 

“Sure,” I nodded my head, “Whenever you’re ready,” It was killing me not knowing what would make Harry angrier than his girlfriend cheating on him, but I knew better than to pry into things. We walked in silence the rest of the way, only interrupting it when either of us had a random comment, nothing to surge a conversation between us, but it was peaceful. 

“Call me when you’re going to be done.” Harry spoke as we reached the library pulling my bag from his shoulder, “Dean or I will come get you,” 

“No,” I began to protest, “It’ll be far too late,” 

“You’re calling me Y/N.” Harry demanded as he passed my bag over to me, “Or I’m going to stay with you all night and watch you as you study…” 

“Firstly, that’d be creepy. Secondly, I’m old enough to walk home without a chaperone.” 

“That’s not the question, it’s a matter of me being able to sleep soundly knowing you got home okay,” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at me. “Now, you’re going to call me or I’m not leaving,” Harry and I had a staredown for a minute before I finally threw my hands up in the air. 

“Fine, Jesus.” I groaned dramatically, “I thought I was leaving my big brother back home when I came here,” Harry flashed me a toothy grin. 

“No way babe,” Harry walked backwards waving his hand at me. “Call me, if you don’t I’m going to ground your ass,” 

“I’m not a child you can threaten with a spanking and a grounding,” Harry stopped, he walked back towards me a determined smile on his face. He lent down towards my ear, his hand resting on my lower back. 

“If it were a spanking from me, I’m sure you would enjoy it,” He walked backwards smirking as my cheeks flushed bright red. “Be safe,” He pointed into the library, “Now, go learn some shit,” He continued to smirk as he turned, to walk home. 

Harry Hudson had officially returned to the group chat. 

“Bye Harry,” I waved my hand high above my head, unable to hide the bubble of joy his comment gave me,

“Call me when you’re ready, to come home, I’ll be here.” He called back over his shoulder, hands dug into his coat pockets as he walked up the street. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” I turned, to my left a girl stood at the bottom of the stairs, a backpack strung over her arm, and a golden lab assistance dog sitting patiently at her feet. 

“No, he’s my roommate,” I breathed,

“He sounds cute,” The girl giggled, “Is he cute?” 

“Yeah, he is.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” I stepped towards the girl, 

“Do you need help?” 

“Bronte here’s got me. Thank you though.” She stepped up one of the stairs, “But if you’d like we can sit together? It does get pretty lonely here after a while,” This led me into the next event. 

Incident Three - Charlotte

“Sure, that’d be great.” I watched as the girl walked up the rest of the stairs, her blonde hair billowing out behind her. “Do you come here often?” 

“Mostly during the night, my parents live around the block, and I find fewer people whisper to their friends about the ‘blind girl’ when they’re here cramming for tests,” 

“People do that?” The girl shrugged, her small frame hidden beneath her large jumper. 

“Sometimes, sometimes not,” I rushed ahead of her and grabbed the door, watching as the girl and her dog, Bronte worked in perfect synchronisation. When the girl walked so did Bronte. “I’m Charlotte, by the way.” 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” 

“Pleasure to meet your Y/N,” Charlotte smiled brightly towards me, “What are you studying then?” 

“Medicine, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor since I was a girl, what about you?” I asked quietly as we sat down at one of the oak desks. I pulled my backpack up onto the desk, pulling out what I needed, Charlotte followed suit, sitting across from me, releasing Bronte from her work before she pulled out books lying them across the table.  

“Law,” 

“Wow,” 

“Wow as in I can’t believe a blind girl thinks she can be a lawyer,”

“No,” I shook my head. “If anything I think that’ll make you an even better lawyer,”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you can’t be fooled by emotions, peoples poker faces, you’ll be listening purely to the facts of the case, how people respond to your questions… if they inflect their voices when they lie… If they’re voice trembles when they replay what happened, your other instincts are strong from your lack of one of the main sense… Your body’s natural instincts will kick in, and you’ll work it out…” 

“Good answer,” She laughed pulling a textbook towards her. I watched unmoving as she opened one of the books, her fingers running over the small raises in the pages. 

“Is it hard?” I blurted out, my hand slapping against my mouth the second the question hung in the air. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, Its none of my business,” 

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind,” She smiled kindly, eyes downcast on the books. “I went blind when I was sixteen, and I think that was the hardest thing,” She leant her chin on her hand, “Having something so crucial taken away from you pretty suddenly,” She took a deep breath and shook her head, “Sorry, I don’t mean to just offload onto you,” I pushed my book away my attention focused solely on the girl across the table from me, 

“Go ahead, I think you have a lot to say, and I’m willing to listen if you want to get it off your chest,” 

“You sure? It’s not a short spiel,” 

“I’ve been procrastinating from studying all day, at least if you talk to me I’ll be doing something useful for someone.” 

“I went blind when I was sixteen, that was two years ago, I’m still learning how to do things but Bronte really helped me… She makes a lot of things a lot easier, sometimes I use a cane but it’s not as easy, or as fun, least with Bronte I have someone to talk to, and who can comfort me when I need it.” She pursed her lips for a second, I notice her hand instantly went to Bronte’s head, giving the dog a loving scratch. “What else,” Her tongue clucked as she thought. “I attended Uni, like you but I guess it’s lonely since most people don’t really know how to take me or interact with me. I’m sure if I could see them they’d duck out of my way so quickly it’d be comical.”

“Maybe we can set up hidden cameras, make some money off the internet,” 

“Hey now, look whose got the big ideas,” She chuckled at my stupid, idiotic, dumb idea. 

Such a dumb idea Y/N, Jesus you’re an idiot. 

“They don’t try to talk to you?” 

“Some do, but I think a lot of them are freaked out by me,” She frowned. “It’s like they think they can catch it if they talk to me for too long,” 

“I’m not,” 

“Thank you Y/N,” She fiddled with the ring on her middle finger. 

“Keep going, it’ll be cathartic to let it all out,” 

“I’m annoyed at the world if I’m honest, not because my sight was taken away, I mean yes that fucking sucked, but because I’m afraid I’m going to miss out on a great love.” She hit her hand against the book frustrated. “I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love, you know the proper love you read about where the girl gets the foot pop when she kisses the boy, and he comes to her house in the middle of the night because he needs to be with her, needs to see her…. I just don’t think I’ll get it since no one would want to date a blind person, and I guess…”

“Go on,” 

“I don’t think I’m worthy of love…”

“Charlotte,”

“Don’t judge me Y/N,” 

“I’m not, but everyone is worthy of love,” I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. Giving it a tight squeeze. “Why don’t you think you’re not worthy of love?”

“How can someone love me when I can’t love myself?”

“You don’t like yourself?”

“Not happy with myself,” 

“Why aren’t you happy with yourself?” 

“Before I went blind I cared a lot for how I look and loosing that I feel like I lost a massive part of me, and I don’t know if I would like what I would see now.” 

“You’re beautiful,” She looked up. “I know you’ve just met me, but I want you to know that you are beautiful, we all are but your vision didn’t make you beautiful, or a good person… just as losing it doesn’t make you any less of either… Charlotte, you should believe in love,” I gave her hand another squeeze. “Just because a part of you isn’t perfect, or your not worked out in your own head, doesn’t make you any less worthy of something… love is magical, and when you meet the right guy it’s all going to make sense, why the others didn’t work out, or why there were no other… it’ll make sense,” 

“Thank you,” 

“I could use a good friend who I can talk to about life,” 

“Me too,” 

“Charlotte, do you want to be friends?” 

“Depends,” 

“On what?” She gave me a cheeky smile,

“Can you describe your cute roommate to me?” She fanned herself dramatically. “I need a description to go with that voice,” 

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Christmas with the Klines; Queen x reader x oc male

*Author’s note*

Well gang here we go with the long awaited Christmas fic for my Rock Angel series (god this whole year has been crazy with this series that I started one year ago since the 8th this month. Thank you all to those who have supported this series). Now I’ve been wanting to write this specific fic since last year but after Christmas ended last year I had no motivation to write it, but in light of the last Christmas for the 2010 decade, might as well close this year off with a bang for my Rock Angel series.

I hope you all enjoy this fic and I hope you all have a happy Holidays whether Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hannukah, and I hope the new decade of 2020 brings us better happiness and good fortune.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@platawnic​

@queendeakyy​

@kairosfreddie​

@simonedk​

@onebigfangirlworld​

@naturalswifty89​

@starswin​

@labessieisallama​

@dj-lowkey​

@isabella-bby​

@5sos-wdw​

@bohemiansweede​

@geek-and-proud​

__________________________________________________________

*Dec. 22nd, 1983*

It was that time of year again.  The greatest time of year, especially in England. Christmas time.  Just the other day, the guys and I finished our last show before the holiday break and then after New Year’s we would be back on the road again to finish the Angel-Queen tour.  It was also special because now I finally had me a good boyfriend to spend the holidays with.

Don’t get me wrong, the guys are awesome and their families have been so welcoming to me. With Christmas Eve at Freddie’s with his party and then Christmas day dinner location changes every year, like last year it was at Deacy’s and this year Roger was hosting the dinner.  

But it is nice to spend it with someone around my age, and one that I can share a romantic Christmas with this time, unlike back with Adam.

This year however was gonna be different, because this year I wasn’t going to join the guys for Christmas.  Jack and I talked and he said that it would be a good idea for me to meet his family, since he had met mine.

I agreed to the idea but I won’t deny that I was fucking nervous.  I mean he’s told me all about his mum, step-father, cousins and their family but I was really nervous to meet them, especially his mum.  

I had no idea what she’ll think of a rockstar dating her son, would she like me or automatically have an image of me based off the Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll motto?

“Yeah. Yes mom we’ll be there tomorrow morning. Yep flight’s all cleared to go and snow’s not to come till tomorrow night. Don’t worry we’re on the first flight tonight. Mom stop worrying.” Jack, who was on the phone, looked at me and made a funny face which made me softly chuckle. “Yes we can’t wait to see you too. Love you too mom, bye.” He hung up and sighed heavily. I rubbed his shoulder. “I know but sometimes she baby’s me too much.” He sighed.  I giggled as I leaned against his back and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“That just means she loved you so much.” I rubbed his back for a moment of silence before I asked him “Do you think she’ll like me?” he turned towards me and he said.

“She’ll love you.”

“How do you know that?” he cupped my face into his hands and said as he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I’ve told her about you. And she’s been begging me to bring you over. Especially since it was made official by the press that the Rock Angel had herself a lover boy.” I eye rolled remembering the first tabloid that got released after Jack and I were caught kissing in Paris before the concert.  “Hey,” he stroked my cheek and we both stared into each other’s eyes. “It’s gonna be okay. My whole family’s gonna love you.”

“How is it you know exactly what to say to put me at ease?”

“Just lucky I guess.” He shrugged as he grinned innocently.  I smiled and as we leaned in and almost kissed each other, the phone rang.  I groaned and dropped my head down onto his shoulder as I went and picked it up.

“Hello?”

‘Well about bloody time you picked up.’

“What do you want Roger?”

‘Well judging by the tone in your voice missy seems I interrupted something special. Good.’

“Just say what you called to ask me Rog.”

‘Alright, alright no need to get your knickers in a twist lovie. I wanted to ask you in Dominque’s stand about what time you’ll be coming over to help her with the Christmas dinner?’ Oh god—I knew this had to come so might as well get it out now.

“Actually Rog I—I’m not going this year.”

‘Oh okay so you’re not—WHAT!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT COMING!!!’ I pulled the phone away from my ear as he shouted out. I turned to Jack and I mouthed out ‘I’m so sorry.’

“Roger don’t be so—”

‘I’ll fucking be as hysterical as I want to be! Lovie you always come for Christmas dinners. Does this also mean you’ll be missing Fred’s party too. You’re thankful he’s not hosting this year cause this is just a taste had you told him you weren’t coming.’

“I know. And yes I’m not going to the Christmas eve party either.”

‘Oh lovie, (y/n), (y/n), (y/n), (y/n) lovie. My little lion cub why not?’

“Well—I’ll be in America. See Jack has invited me over for Christmas with his family. And his mum has also insisted on meeting me since we are an official couple.”

‘But can’t you at least spend the New Year with them?’

“It’s too late Rog. Jack and I bought our tickets for tonight and we’ll be in America till the New Year.”

‘But—’

“It’s settled Roger I’m sorry. Now please no begging, whining or pleading. Tell Felix he’ll expect his gift from his auntie right at Christmas, along with all my other nephews and nieces. Goodbye Roger, have a safe Christmas and don’t get hammered again like you did last year.”

I then hung up the phone before another debate could start.  I sighed heavily and felt Jack now beginning to massage my shoulders.

“I swear I love that man like a father but sometimes he can be so—hysterical it’s not even funny.”

“Ohh don’t let it get to you baby. That just means he loves you so much.” He threw my words back at his face.  I raised my brow at him and he just grinned back at me.

“Guess we both have got ourselves some smothers huh?”

“Can’t argue there. So—shall we get some sleep before our flight?”

“Nah we can just sleep on the flight. Now let’s see we’ve got—4 hours till we have to leave for the airport. I say we order in and then we can head out to the airport shortly after? Cause during the holidays transportation to the airports are always crazy.”

“That works for me.” I smiled and rung up the number for the Chinese restaurant that I usually get my takeout’s from.  Within fifteen minutes our food finally arrived and Jack and I sat down at the couch watching some old Christmas movies as we ate our dinner.

Once we got done, I took out my bins for trash collecting, we both ran through a checklist to make sure we got everything, especially Jack.  Then once the hour was up we headed on out and hailed a cabbie to the airport.  When we reached the airport, of course it wasn’t easy not only dealing with long security and getting our passports checked out, but also fans were stopping us wanting me to sign their CD’s, posters, or wanting pictures.

Of course I didn’t want to seem rude but Jack and I needed to get to our flights.  So I signed a few things but refused photos because we needed to get to our gate before the plane took off.  Thankfully we made it just as the first class seating’s were being called up.

Jack and I handed the woman our tickets and passports and she checked us out and told us to have a safe flight to the States. Jack and I went through the tunnel and we managed to find our seats.  I sighed heavily as I leaned back in my seat.

“Hey, we made it didn’t we?”

“Yes. Thankfully. I’m just so sorry you also had to deal with the threatening male fans telling you to stay away.”

“Yeah well they’re just gonna have to deal with it. Cause I don’t plan on leaving you soon.” I smiled softly and kissed him.  I cuddled close to him as we waited for about 20 minutes till finally the plane was ready to take off.

After getting some snacks and a few glasses of champagne, Jack and I took out the blanket and our neck pillows and cuddled close together before finally falling asleep.

When I woke up, I groaned and stretched my legs as best I could and let out a yawn.

“Good morning.” I looked up to see Jack smiling tiredly down at me.

“Good morning.” I moaned tiredly.

“Hello beautiful.” I hummed a chuckle and I said.

“We there yet?”

“Have a look out the window.” I leaned over him and looked out to see a small little town just below us. “Baby, welcome to Lebanon, Kansas.” He packed up the blankets while I packed away the neck pillows and out pilot told us we would begin our decent into Lebanon and to get back into our seats and to fasten our seatbelts.  Thankfully there wasn’t any turbulence going down (which I am always thankful for).

And within ten minutes we landed in Lebanon airport.  It was a small airport compared to what I’ve seen before in the big cities but it didn’t matter cause it was just as busy as any other airport is, especially around the holidays.

After getting our passports checked out and the worker telling Jack welcome home and telling me to have a good Christmas.  As we walked out and headed towards the baggage claim, there was a loud booming voice that seemed to echo throughout the chaos in the airport.

“Jack! YO JACK!” We looked up and as a few people passed by, I saw a man around Roger’s age maybe even a bit older than him waving his hand in the air.  He had dark brown hair and had a dark beard starting to grow around his face.

“Ahh shit.” He muttered.

“Wait is that….”

“Yeah, My eldest cousin.” He came up to us with a wide smile and his arms extended.

“There he is. C’mere lover boy!” Jack’s cousin pulled Jack in for a noogie.

“Hey Jensen, been a long time.”

“When Jared told me you’d be staying across the pond till Christmas I almost didn’t want to believe it. Please tell me you haven’t fully given up real American football.”

“No I haven’t.” Jack groaned as he managed to get out of his cousin’s grip.

“Ehh that’s my boy!” he then turned towards me and said, “Oh hohoho. So this is the British beauty that kept you in England huh?”

“Jensen, this is (y/n). (Y/n) my older cousin Jensen.”

“Enchanté mademoiselle.” He casually flirted but of course his mispronunciation in the French tone was so bad it was funny.

“Le plaisir est tout à moi monsieur.” I told him and of course he just gaped at me which made me laugh.

“Jack I thought you said she was British.”

“I can speak several languages. Just because I’m a rockstar doesn’t mean I’m not educated or dropped out of high school to do so.”

“He didn’t mean any offense babe, right Jensen?” Jack sneered towards him as he spoke his cousin’s name.

“Yeah, right, right. I just wasn’t expected a reply in French.”

“Brian helped teach me a few languages. He said it makes the audience feel more involved when you speak in their language.”

“Boy Jared’s gonna love you. Guy has an ear for languages. So come on you two lovebirds, let’s get your bags and onto home. Aunt Kelly’s been calling me non-stop to pick you guys up on my way up here after getting some work done.” As he walked away Jack said.

“He owns a mechanic shop in Austin, Texas.”

“The one your uncle owned?”

“Yep. Jensen got it last year after his dad passed away from a heart attack.”

“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“It’s fine. Seems like he’s moved on from his grief last I saw him at the start of the summer.”

“Well are you two coming or not?” Jack rolled his eyes and took my hand and we headed on over to the baggage claim.  After waiting about seven minutes for our bags to come and another nine to finally find our bags we then headed out to the parking garage and there we saw a 1967 black Chevy Impala.

“Wow, what Roger wouldn’t give to see that car.” I muttered.

“Interested in cars?” asked Jensen as he opened up the trunk and he and Jack put the heavy suitcases into the trunk.

“Well not really. I prefer bikes.”

“Oh really, what do you ride?”

“Well for my birthday earlier this year my—my friend gave me a red Honda CB750 red Nightwing.” Jensen whistled.

“Damn I’ve seen only a couple of those in my shop, mostly mountain bikes or four-wheelers. I’d give anything to see that beautiful thing.”

“Well next time you’re in London give me a buzz and I’ll introduce you.”

“It would be an honor Angel.” Wow this guy was a fan of cars and bikes much like Roger was. Oh god—another Roger Taylor. And an American one at that, just what the world needs.

“Okay well better not keep mom waiting. Let’s get going Jensen.”

“Righty-o cousin of mine. Hope in the back with your lady.”

“Are you ever gonna let me in the front seat?”

“As long as I’m alive, hell no.” Jack fussed but I took his arm and said.

“Oh come on you big baby.” I opened the door and got inside and Jack slide beside me while Jensen got in the driver’s seat and turned on the engine which purred and revved on.

“Ahh, love to hear this old girl purr. Got her as a present from my old man after I returned from the war.”

“The war? What war?” I asked.

“Didn’t lover boy tell you that I fought in Vietnam?”

“No. He did not.” I said as I turned to Jack.

“Is it really that important?”

“Uh hell yeah it is. My reputation is at stake, you think I’d just let you tell this lovely lady I just worked at my pop’s mechanic shop and now own it. Oh hell no pal!” As we pulled out of the airport I was then told of Jensen’s career in Vietnam in the Marines.

I was told he got the Medal of honor for saving his fleet from an oncoming ambush, even though it was against protocol to avert from the trail they were supposed to go on.  He saved over 300 soldiers that day by diverting them away from the ambush.

After about an hour and a half on the road, we drove along a dirt path until we finally came up to a beautiful farmhouse. It kinda reminded me of Rockfield farm with a house on one side of the hill and the barn just down below.

Jensen parked his car and shut the engine off and I could see that standing on the porch was a man around Jensen’s age with short black hair and wearing probably the worst Christmas jumper I have ever seen.

“Oh god Misha I told him not to wear that damn thing.” Jensen muttered, oh so this was Jack’s stepfather.  We all got out of the car and that’s when Misha came down the steps of the porch and he said.

“Well our long lost sheep has finally returned. Hey Jack.”

“Hey dad.” Jack smiled as he walked up to his stepdad and the two of them hugged each other.  “So where is she?”

“She’s right here.” The two of them turned to me and Jack introduced us. “Dad, I’d like you to meet (y/n) (l/n). (Y/n) this is my dad Misha.”

“Well in literal terms I’m his stepdad but I did help raise this little nugget from the day he was born.” Misha said as he ruffled Jack’s hair.  I smiled and extended my arm and said.

“Jack’s told me so much about you Mr. Collins.”

“Oh please call me Misha. And our Jack has definitely told us a lot about you.” I turned to Jack anxiously and he assured me.

“Good things babe I promise.”

“Jack?” a female voice soon called out.  Then standing at the door was a fairly beautiful young woman. She had shoulder length styled brown hair with highlights at the tips, I could definitely see some of Jack’s features from her like her eyes, nose, and some of her facial features almost resembled Jack’s to a T.

“Mom.”

“You’re back!” she then raced down the steps and immediately embraced her son.

It was such a warm and touching moment, kinda reminded me of my mum whenever she and dad would return from a gig or even just from their jobs.  Like Veronica, Jack’s mum beamed with a beautiful aurora that just screamed ‘motherhood’ and ‘warmly’.

“Oh my baby boy’s finally home. I just can’t believe you’re finally home. Never stay away from me that long okay I missed you too much.” She kissed her son’s cheek once more and Jack said.

“Mom please don’t embarrass me.”

“Oh stop it. I’m your mother that’s kinda my job.” She teased.  It was then she turned and saw me.

Oh bugger here we go.  But keep calm (y/n), remember what Veronica, Dominque and Chrissie told you.  The biggest impression you must make when being introduced to your boyfriend’s family is to be approachable to the mother.

She will be the most protective so just remain calm, relaxed, be yourself and hopefully she won’t smell your fear.

“Is this her?”

“Yep. Mom, this is my girlfriend (y/n) (l/n). (Y/n), this is my mom Kelly Kline.” She then came right up to me and I took a soft but deep breath.

“Hello Mrs. Kline. It—it is an honor to finally meet the woman who raised such a gentleman.” She looked me over a few times before finally saying.

“Well I’m glad that my teachings came in handy for someone in the end. Jack told me of how you two met and frankly I never would’ve thought celebrities had to deal with that day in and day out.”

“Yeah it—always comes with the territory. Especially with women in the industry.”

“That’s just dreadful. But I am thankful my son stepped in when he did. And please (y/n), call me Kelly.” She said as she took my hands in hers, her thumbs gently stroking the back of my hands comfortingly. She walked back over to Jack and I thought I heard her say to him, “She’s a pretty one Jack.”

“Alright well why don’t we get you two settled inside, you must be exhausted from the trip.” Jensen and Misha then helped with the bags while Jack, his mum and I went inside the house.

It was a quaint little house, definitely made me think back to Rockfield farm.  All along the walls were old photographs of either Kelly or Jack, Misha and Jack’s cousins.

“So is Jared here yet?” asked Jack.

“Just about, last time he got a hold up at work but he and the family left last night. So they should be here in the next hour or so.” Replied Jensen.

“I hope they don’t get into another accident. God why must people drive so crazy?” a female voice stated from the stairs. Soon coming down holding a young girl that almost looked identical to her, was a woman with long auburn hair and deep brown eyes.

“Mommy it’s the Rock angel! The Rock angel is really here!” the young girl squirmed out of her mom’s grip and she raced up to me and hugged my legs.

“Ah-ah JJ! Remember what we talked about.” Jensen warned the little girl known as JJ.

“It’s okay Jensen, I’m used to this. I’ve got little fans back home that do this to me every time I see them.” I thought back to the little Deacy ducklings, little Felix and the May siblings.

“So sorry about our daughter, she’s such a big fan of yours and has been looking forward to meeting you.” The woman said.

“It’s fine. But off stage you can call me (y/n).”

“Danneel, but most people call me Dani. I’m Jensen’s wife.” The two of us shook hands with each other.

“So how did you meet Jensen?” I asked her as I picked up little JJ and held her in my arms.

“Oh well knucklehead was in the bar one night down in my hometown of Dallas, I challenged him to a game of pool and beat him fair and square.”

“Uhh no baby I let you win because I didn’t want you to feel bad.”

“Oh you just can’t accept the fact that a girl beat you at pool even when you were playing your best.” I grinned and I turned to JJ and asked her.

“So JJ, what’s your favorite song of mine?”

“Set it all free.”

“Oh don’t get her started on that. She’ll religiously listen to that song, begs us repeatedly to play it for her in the car all day.” Jensen groaned out.

“Oh you don’t get to complain, I see you jamming out and doing the air guitar solo every time she asks you to play it.” Dani ratted him out.  I chuckled and that’s when I set JJ down and I said.

“You know JJ, if you’d like I could sign my record for you.” She gasped and turned to her mum and Dani said.

“Go and get your CD from the car.” And like a shot JJ was off.  I looked to her and I asked.

“What’s a CD?”

“Think a miniature version of a vinyl.” Answered Jensen.

“Ahh. So guess Miami agreed to turn my records into these CD’s then.”

“Miami?” asked Dani.

“That’s her manager’s nickname.” Jack answered. Both Jensen and Dani ahhed in understandment and that’s when JJ came in with her CD.  She handed it to me and I took the time to admire it.  Wow it really was a miniature version of a vinyl record.  I wonder if Queen’s albums are also being turned to CD’s.

“Okay let’s see here,” Jack handed me a sharpie and I thanked him as I went to sign the CD cover.

To JJ,

Always believe in yourself and rock on lovely.

Hugs and kisses. (Y/n) the Rock Angel.

And I did my signature angel wings around my stage name as well as the halo over the G.

“There you go love.” She squealed in excitement before hugging me tightly and going off to probably admire and stare at it for hours.

“You know she’s gonna end up worshipping that right?” Jack whispered to me.  I playfully swatted his arm and we both grabbed our suitcases and headed up the stairs.

Once we reached Jack’s old bedroom, I took in all of the posters he had in his room.

“Oh shit I forgot about all this.”

“Wow, seems you’re more of a fangirl than I was.” I teased him.  All around he had posters of bands like Led Zeppelin and AC/DC and of course Queen, to the solo artists like Bowie and Elton.

“Please don’t tell the guys about this, please (y/n).”

“Ohh I don’t know.” I teased with a cheeky grin.

“S—seriously (y/n) don’t tell them about my room.”

“Okay, okay I promise I won’t tell them.”

“I don’t believe you.” He then pulled me onto his bed and hovered over me and proceeded to tickle my sides.

“Shit no Jack dohohohon’t!”

“Not till I know for certain you won’t tell your boys about this.”

“I swear! I swear I promise they won’t hear about it just stop tickling me!” he ceased his tickle attack and grinned victoriously down at me. “You are a twat I hope you know that.”

“Yeah, a dirty twat that you love.” I hummed.

“That I do.” He leaned down and captured my lips with his.  I cupped my hand to the side of his face as our kiss became a bit deeper.  Just as I felt his tongue gently peek out wanting entrance, we suddenly heard a young boy’s voice say.

“Ewww! Uncle Jack’s kissing a girl!” we separated and there I saw two young boys.  One was the oldest probably around 7-8 and the other one just a couple years younger than him, between 4-6.

They both had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and the two of them just stood there.

“Oh bugger.” I muttered.

“Tom, Shep didn’t I tell you boys to knock before—oh wow okay uhh….So sorry bout that.” Soon an older man came walking in with the same brown hair as his son’s and he had the same colored eyes as Roger. “Welcome back Jack uhh—we’ll uhh…..get out of your hair and…..”

“It’s fine Jared. Might as well get introductions out of the way.” The two of us sat up and I adjusted my hair and that’s when the older boy pointed at me and said.

“Wait you’re the Rock Angel! Uncle Jack why didn’t you tell me you were swapping spit with the Rock Angel!?”

“Thomas!” Jared snapped.  Wow this kid sure does love to speak his mind.  Jack and I cleared our throats as Jack told him.

“I wasn’t swapping spit with her, it was—just a kiss.”

“Yeah French kissing. Is that really how they kiss?”

“Thomas enough. In fact where did you even hear that from?”

“Uncle Jensen.” Thomas nonchalantly stated.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me? Well there go his babysitting status. Right well why don’t you kids head back downstairs to your mom.” The boys whined but with one look from their father the two of them raced off downstairs.  “Again I am so sorry about them, I’ll be sure to talk to my brother about their language and behavior, especially Thomas’.” Jared spoke as he came and stood by the bed.

“It’s fine.”

“I’m Jared by the way. Jensen’s younger brother. Jack’s—”

“Told you all about me. I’ve been getting that a lot lately. Now if I remember correctly, Jack told me you worked in the court system?” I said as the two of us shook hands with each other.

“Yes, lawyer actually.”

“Ahh so what kind of cases do you usually stick with.”

“I went to Stanford to study criminal law. I uhh—work under the Prosecution back in Austin. Work under the D.A.”

“Impressive. So have you put away any bad guys?”

“More than I can count. My first case was actually the O’Bryan case back in ‘74. The Candy man.”

“Wait I think I remember the British News talking about that, it was dreadful to hear such a thing like that could happen.”

“Yeah it—it was brutal. But thanks to my team and I we were able to put the son of a bitch away and sentence him to death. Just wish they would hurry up with the execution already.”

“That’s my cousins. One likes to brag about war stories and the other obsessed with serial killers.” Jack said to me.

“It’s not an obsession!” Jared defended.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night Jared. Anyways, why don’t we go downstairs and I can introduce you to Gen, Jared’s wife.”

“I’d love to. Maybe then we can also help with any cooking for tomorrow that your mum might have planned.” And with that the three of us headed downstairs to the living room.

Like Dani, Gen was a sweet woman.  In a way she reminded me a mix between Veronica’s sweetness but also Dominque’s strength and wittiness, especially when it came to her brother in law Jensen.

I’ll admit meeting Jack’s family turned out to be less stressful than I imagined.  I can’t believe I was so stressed out in meeting them, turns out some were fans like his cousin’s kids, or they didn’t believe the stereotypes for Rockstars which I was thankful for.

The next morning, it was finally Christmas Eve. I woke up to Jack gently stroking through my hair and him staring down at me lovingly.

“Good morning you.” I groaned tiredly.

“Morning.” He praised.  “You ready to have a Kline Christmas?”

“Absolutely. What is the tradition of the Kline family on Christmas eve?”

“Come with me and you’ll see.” He helped me up and the two of us got dressed and headed downstairs.

We came into the kitchen and I saw the entire Kline family in the kitchen prepping for something.

“Ahh the lovebirds arouse awake.” Jensen stated.

“Good morning you two. Did you sleep okay?” asked Kelly.

“Great mom, thanks.”

“We slept wonderfully Mrs. Kline.”

“Great, now come over and help us build our gingerbread palace.” She said.

“Wait I—I thought it was just a house?” I asked.

“Yeah well since we make min gingerbread people of ourselves, a house can’t quite fit all of us so we settle for a palace.” Jack told me.

“So come on guys, help us out. Sooner we get this made, the sooner it can start settling in and we can start making gingerbread us.” Said Misha.  So Jack and I walked in the kitchen and we began working on the palace.

Apparently it was Dani’s turn to design the palace this year (Jack mentioned that every year a different person makes a few designs for the potential gingerbread palaces and she picked the best one). And the design she had was beautifully done.

So Jack and I were in charge of the roofs, Gen and Jared tackled the walls, Misha and Kelly worked on the towers, and Dani and Jensen did the bridge and the kids would work on the minor decorations with the gumdrops, candy and all the other small minor stuff.  Even though it’s been a long time since I made a gingerbread house back at my nana’s house, Jack helped me whenever I screwed up.

His hands would come over mine and he’d guide me in how to make the style of roof Dani had designed.  Much like how I would guide his hands in how to play the piano or the bass.  And whenever I did something right, I got a kiss as a reward which made all the women awe and the kids go eww.

Once the gingerbread palace was finally assembled, we then turned to make our official gingerbread men.  I figured for mine, I’d give myself the red streak that I first started off with before finally getting rid of it at the beginning of this year.

I also made myself a red special guitar that Brian gave me to hold and to support my boys, I made a Q on my chest to represent Queen.  Kelly then put the cookies in the oven and when they were all done, I saw that mine turned out really good.

When we got the all clear after about an hour, the kids finally came in and we helped them decorate the palace.  They told us where each thing was going to go and how to arrange certain pieces of candy or gumdrops.

Finally it was time to place our gingerbread men around the palace.  First Kelly and Misha placed their gingerbread men down, then Jensen and Jared, Gen and Dani, Jack, JJ, Thomas and Shep.

“(Y/n)? Aren’t you going to place your gingerbread down?” Kelly asked me.

“Yeah I just…..need to find the perfect spot.”

“Why not put it next to Jack? Lovebirds need to remain together right?” asked Jensen.

“Go on baby.” Jack assured me.  I then found Jack’s gingerbread man and placed mine right next to his and we all stood and marveled at our gingerbread palace.

After the gingerbread making, we gathered around the piano singing a few Christmas carols (of course JJ and Thomas tried to get me to mostly sing solo) but I kindly declined to sing all of them solo, just a couple.  Then it was time for dinner while the kids picked out between the animated Christmas movies only (tomorrow they would do the Claymation ones like Rudolph and Santa clause is coming to town).  

With the turkey, ham and all other sorts of Christmas dishes was down on the table, we all gathered around the table and Kelly led us in prayer first before we finally sat down to eat.  As I was digging into some of the mashed potatoes, Misha asked.

“You know (y/n), Jack’s only told us a bit about you but not the whole story about you.”

“Yeh, like your parents. What are they like? Were they okay with you spending Christmas with us instead of being home in England?” I paused eating another bite of my mashed potatoes and set my fork down gently feeling that same depressing feeling that I felt for years since I was 8 up until my first Christmas with the boys.

“Uhh mom, dad let’s not talk about—”

“No Jack. It’s okay. I can tell them.”

“Are you sure?” he asked me concerned.

“Yes.”

“What happened? Your parents didn’t approve with your dream of being a rockstar?” asked Jensen.

“You’re half right. Except it wasn’t my parents. They died when I was just 8 years old.” At that point the table went quiet.

“Oh gosh I—I’m so sorry to hear that sweetie.” Kelly said sympathetically.

“How did they die?” asked Shep.

“Shep don’t.” Gen warned her son.

“It’s okay Gen, I can answer that. It—was a car crash, during a storm. I was then put into the care of my mum’s older sister, my aunt. And her and my uncle weren’t—the nicest of people.” Goddamn it girl don’t start crying now, think of the boys. Think of your boys!

I felt Jack take my hand and squeeze it comfortingly, his thumb brushing the back of my hand.

“But—I did find a wonderful family to love me for who I am. Not just your son but my real family. My team, my manager Miami, and my lovely partners not only in the industry but in life, Queen.”

“Well, it’s nice to see that musicians care about one another even beyond work.” Said Kelly with a soft smile.

“Yeah, in more ways than one.” I muttered with a soft smile.  Oh I hope the guys are still having a wonderful Christmas even without me there.

After dinner I was sitting on the couch and JJ made herself comfortable on my lap.  I then saw Jack coming in wearing probably the most goofiest thing I have ever seen.

It was a headband that had a hook attached to the top of it and at the end curve of the hook, there was a bit of mistletoe attached to it.

“What is this?” I laughed.

“Tradition. Now come on, you’re stuck under the mistletoe, you know what you must do right?”

“Yeah I know what I have to do.” I then leaned down and pecked JJ’s cheek leaving Jack flabbergasted.

“That’s not what I had in mind.”

“Oh you big baby come here.” I pulled him close and gave him the kiss that he wanted.  After that he sat close beside me and as Gen pulled out the animated movies she said.

“Okay we’ve got Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty, the Grinch. What shall we watch first?”  

“The Grinch!” proclaimed Thomas.

“Now I want to watch Frosty!” argued Shep.

“No we started off with that last year. Let’s do the Grinch!” JJ proclaimed.

“Hang on kids, hang on. I think—in light of the fact we’ve got a new addition to our Christmas movie watching, I think we should let (y/n) choose the movie we watch first.” Stated Misha.

“I can work with that.” Jensen said.

“Yeah let’s do that.”

“Oh no I can’t do that.” I argued. “Don’t let me ruin how you guys do this.”

“There’s no harm. We always let the family additions have first pick of movies around the holidays. If you don’t believe us you can ask Gen and Dani.” Kelly said.  I turned to the women and they both nodded.

“Might as well pick one out babe. My mom’s like Freddie when it comes to persistency.” He whispered the last part in my ear which made me grin.

“Okay well—I’ve never seen Charlie Brown Christmas.”

“Wait what was that?” Jensen started off. “Did I just hear you right in saying you’ve never seen any of the Charlie Brown movies?”

“There’s more of them?”

“Oh my god how could—how could you not know Charlie Brown?” Jensen proclaimed.

“Sorry Jensen. I just—was never exposed to it. Was he always a cartoon?”

“No they came from the brilliant mind that is Charles Schulz. The Peanuts gang started off as a comic book before releasing their first movie which was this Christmas special.”

“Why are they called the Peanuts gang?”

“Because that’s what Schulz called them in the comics. Don’t worry you poor misguided child, I’ll let you read the paper tomorrow and you’ll see a real Peanut’s comic.” I turned to Jack and he shook his head and mouthed out sorry to me.

“Okay so A Charlie Brown Christmas it is then.” Gen then took the VCR out of the box and placed it into the player and pressed the play button and soon the Kline Christmas movie tradition began to commence.

And I will say by the end of Charlie Brown, I actually came to love it.  But poor Charlie Brown always getting bullied by his so called friends and getting the boot out of everything in life, it just—makes me wanna hug him.

By the time it grew dark outside, it was time for bed.  So after getting dressed and changed into my pajamas once more, I saw that Jack had not yet taken the mistletoe hat off.

“Are you ever gonna take that thing off?” I asked as I walked up to him.

“Not until the day after tomorrow. Or at least I get 100 kisses from you.”

“Why must you be so cute?” I giggled.

“Well my granddad was a former WW2 veteran, and my grandma was a tiny cute bunny.” I giggled again and got into bed beside him to feel him wrap his arms around my waist.

“Goodnight Jack.”

“G’night my love. See you in the morning.” We then kissed each other again before finally falling asleep after a long Christmas eve day.

The next morning I woke up to a series of soft kisses.  I groaned and turned to the side to see Jack staring down at my lovingly.

“Merry Christmas baby.”

“Merry Christmas love.” It was finally time.  Christmas morning.  I stretched myself out and rose up from the bed and Jack followed suit wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a kiss.  I looked up to see him still wearing that milestone headband. “I still can’t believe you’re still wearing that ridiculous thing.”

“But it got a kiss out of you last night and this morning right?” I took it off of him and kissed his cheek.

“You know you don’t need mistletoe to get a kiss from me.” He grinned and just as he leaned in to kiss me, the door opened and soon kids came pouring in.

“Uncle Jack! Aunt (y/n) wake up it’s Christmas!” proclaimed Jared’s oldest son Thomas.

“Let’s go get up lazy bones!” cried Jensen’s oldest JJ.

“You can sleep when you’re dead get up! Santa came! Santa came!” cried out Shep, Jared’s youngest son. And then they raced out after shaking our bed and rattling us like we were maracas.

Then as quickly as they came, they raced out of Jack’s room and raced downstairs.

“Kids. Don’t you wish you could be that young again?” I chuckled.

“Yeah. Christmas was always such a magical time of year for me. Mom never forgave me for jumping up and down on the bed waking her up on Christmas morning.”

“Awww now that I would love to see.” He then pounced on me sending me backwards onto the bed with him hovering over me.

“Trust me, no you don’t.” he smirked down at me before cupping my cheek and leaned down and finished the kiss he was about to start before the kid ambush happened.  I hummed softly as we soon separated and I said.

“C’mon you, let’s go see if Santa brought us anything.” I sat up and got out of bed but was suddenly pulled back and was sitting on Jack’s lap.

“Can’t I at least have one final kiss.” I raised my brow at him and slightly scowled him before submitting to his demands and pecked his cheek before taking his hand and the two of us headed downstairs.

It was there we saw all the kids already opening or playing with their new toys while we saw Misha, Kelly, and Gen already up and about.  Misha was sipping his morning coffee while Gen and Kelly were making breakfast.

“Merry Christmas.” The both of us said.

“Merry Christmas.” They choired back.

“How did you two sleep?” asked Misha.

“We slept good dad thank you. So when’s breakfast gonna be ready?”

“It’ll be ready when it’s ready Jack.” His mother said.

“Here (y/n), why don’t you give us a hand, we sure could use the extra hand.” Said Gen.  I nodded and headed over and helped them out by setting up the table and doing whatever preparations Kelly or Gen needed help with.

Once Jensen, Danneel and Jared finally woke up breakfast was just about ready so we called everyone into the kitchen to have Christmas breakfast.  We all gathered around in a circle and Misha led us in grace, then after praying we all got our breakfast and proceeded to eat.

After breakfast it was the grownups time to open up their presents.  I got Jack some new bass strings and managed to make a scrapbook of some of out moments together throughout this year.  While he got me a new necklace with a heart shape locket, and new records.

I also got some minor gifts for the rest of Jack’s family like I got Kelly a new bracelet, Misha got some new literature books that I thought he’d be interested to put into his library, Jensen got some car fuel for his baby as well as Led Zeppelin records, Gen got the sweater she saw at the shop when we all had a girl’s shopping day to bond, Gen got a couple of bracelets and I also got Jared some records like Elton John and David Bowie as well as a new tailored suit that he could wear once he got back to work.

After opening some more presents and getting dressed Jack and I went outside along with Jared, Jensen and their wives.  Jack and I hopped up along the porch railing while Jared and Gen were on the porch swing and Jensen and Dani took the two rocking chairs.  It was a beautiful day with the sun shining, not quite like the white Christmases I’ve had in the past but at least it wasn’t raining.

“Beautiful day isn’t it?” asked Gen.

“Yeah. Much better than it was last year.” Agreed Dani.

“I’ll drink to that.” Jensen said as he sipped his beer.

“It’s absolutely fabulous my darlings!” At that voice I quickly turned around but the next thing I knew I cried out as I fell right into the bushes right beside the front porch.

I could hear the sound of kids laughing and a proclamation from a familiar Leicester accent.

“Now you done it Fred.”

“Just get me the bloody hell out of here!” Jack came over as well as another figure and when I saw the familiar curly hair of Brian May help my boyfriend in getting me out of the bush he apologized on Fred’s behalf.

“Sorry (y/n).” he said as he took some leaves and twigs out of my hair.

“Sure you are. But—what are you doing here?” I turned around and I saw it was the entire Queen family.  Not just the guys but the wives as well as the kids.  “In fact what are you all doing here?”

“What’s it look like? We came to spend Christmas with you.” Said Freddie.

“And since Christmas is about spending time with family, we figured that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to meet Jack’s family as well.” Brian said as he finished picking out the final leaf that was stuck in my hair and stroked it down.

“And the kids really missed their auntie and wanted to thank you for their gifts in person.” Said Veronica as she held little Laura in her arms.  It was then the kids all came running up to me and hugged me before all saying.

“Thank you auntie (y/n).”

“I really loved the race cars you got me.” Said Michael.

“And the coloring books you got me, I even got to draw you a picture on the plane.” Said Felix.

“I wanted to wear my princess dress you got me but mummy and daddy wouldn’t let me but I’ll wear it when you come home okay?” said Laura.

“I would love to see you in it Laura. I saw it and I thought only one little girl needed to have it.” I said as I picked her up and held her in my arms.

“So this is your family (y/n)?” I heard Dani’s voice say.  We all turned around and I said.

“Oh right sorry. Jensen, Jared, Danneel and Genevieve you all probably know the members of Queen; Freddie, John, Roger and Brian. And these lovely ladies are the wives of Queen. Veronica is Deacy’s lovely wife and their kids are Michael, Robert, baby Joshua, and Laura. Dominque is Roger’s lovely raven haired beauty and their son over there is Felix. And Chrissie is Brian’s wife along with their kids Jimmy and Louisa.”

“Wow so you really weren’t kidding about Queen being your family.” His wife elbowed him in the side making him groan.

“What my husband’s trying to say is that—we didn’t expect you guys to actually come.”

“Yeah, yeah we get it. Didn’t think that this lovely girl here could actually be family to one of the biggest rock bands in the world. Well it’s true. The day we met (n/n) here, she just clicked with us as an intern. And she’s only grown into a better artist and a more confident person.” Roger said as he came up and gently ruffled my hair.

“Well why don’t we all head inside? I’m sure Kelly and Misha would like to meet you both since Jack’s told them about you all.” Gen said as she stood up from the swing.

“So you’ve also told your parents about us Jack dear?” asked Freddie.

“In a way.” Jack admitted.

“All good things I hope.” Piped in Brian.

“I promise nothing bad.” Jack assured him.

“Alright well let’s get inside, I need to change this little one’s diaper and then get him down for a nap.” Veronica said as she gestured to Joshua in his little baby carrier that Deacy was holding.  We all nodded and soon began filing in the house.

“Mom! Dad!”

“In the living room Jack!” Misha proclaimed. We all piled in and as soon as my family made their appearance, the eyes on both Kelly’s and Misha’s face were eyes that I have seen over a thousand times before.

They were star struck.

“Jack…..” his mom started.

“Yeah mom they uhh—they decided to come spend Christmas with us.”

“We know we should’ve given either Jack or (y/n) a head’s notice but some of us thought a surprise would be better.” Brian spoke as he looked towards Freddie and Roger who both merely looked away as if they didn’t hear anything Brian just said. “We hope we didn’t cause any inconvenience.”

“No. No not at all. In fact we’ve…..we’ve been dying to meet (y/n)’s family. Now it seems we get our wish.” Kelly said.

“So how long have you all known each other?” asked Misha.

“September marked the three year anniversary since I met the guys at my internship.” I said.

“Wow three years, god feels like it’s been longer than that.” Roger said as he wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head.  I smiled and leaned my head against his chest and wrapped my arm around him.

“I know it’s crazy. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. These guys—are my family.”

As the day went on, we were now gathered in the basement for more space and also to get ready for Christmas dinner.  I was downstairs with the guys and I saw Jensen, Jared, Roger, and Deacy playing a game of pool, while Brian and Misha were sitting together chatting away as a football game was rolling.

“Now Jack said you were an astronomer of sorts?”

“In a way yes. I went for a physics degree specifically in the study of astrophysics at Imperial college.”

“Wow that’s amazing. You know my father studied astrophysics too. He was once even employed over at NASA before he retired.”

“Really? What did he do?”

“He was the Director of field studies.”

“Wait your father was Robert Collins. The Robert Collins.”

“Yeah. Thought he’d see me working alongside him one day but I just wasn’t as smart as he was. So I ended up with the typical 9-5 office job. I swear I never seen my father more disappointed in me than that day.”

“I know exactly how you felt Misha. When I put my studies aside to do this gig, my parents were very radical about it. My dad especially thought I was throwing my life away. That was until Madison Square Garden back in ’77 when they finally understood.”

“Yeah. I think it wasn’t until a few years ago I got my dad to finally approve of my work. Now being the CEO of the company now, helping Kelly raise Jack, he’s starting to slowly come around.” I smiled at the two men finding a commonality between the two of them.

“And Misha. Brian is currently still in the works of his research paper.” I said as I came up to them and wrapped my arms around Brian.

“Really? What’s your paper on Brian?”

“Interplanetary stardust. Specifically in how it affects Zodiacal light.”

“That’s our clever space man. Which is why he always cheats at scrabble.” I said before poking at him as I said my end statement.

He chuckled and placed his hand on the back of my head and planted a wet kiss to my cheek.  Making me exclaim and wipe the leftover spit away.

“Especially compared to this one who was going to be a dentist.” Teased Deacy.

“What? Are you serious?” laughed Jensen.

“I was never a dentist.” Roger said as he looked up from the pool table just before he could make his shot.

“He’s a dentist.” Deacy teased again.

“He was a dentist.” Brian agreed.

“Either way I got bored of it and switched my major to Biology.”

“And what of the other two Queen members?” Misha asked.

“Well Fred got a degree in graphic design.” I explained remembering back to when Fred told me of him being the genius behind the Queen logo.

“And I got mine in electrical engineering.” Added Deacy.

“Wow so all of you guys managed to finish your degrees and graduate college. I always thought all rockstars just dropped out of school to pursue Rock and roll.”

“Well there are some that do. A few friends of mine from Def Leppard didn’t finish school for one reason or another.” Brian said.

“We just felt that since we were almost done with our years, well except for that one.” Roger pointed to Deacy. “Might as well finish off while we can and then focus our energies on the band.”

“At first I just did it as a side thing. I didn’t really believe this would get serious, at least until our first album went on the charts.” Said Deacy.

“Wow such confidence in your new band there Johnny D.” Jensen said as he readied up for his strike at the white ball.  He took the shot and that’s when Jared spoke up.

“So question, if the band never formed at all would you guys have gone for anything regarding to your majors?” the room went silent for a bit then Brian spoke up.

“We always get the ‘what ifs’ cause at first I don’t think any of us except for Fred really believed we’d last for as long as we did. I mean already over ten years since we been together and we’re just reaching the stratosphere in music history.”

“I’d like to think I would’ve still tried to do something involved with drumming. Maybe form my own band or go solo like I did. Drumming has just always been a part of my life that I don’t think I could work a usual day to day job unless I really needed to.” Said Roger.

“There were some potentials that I did get when I graduated the highest in Electrical engineering. I’ve always just found it fascinating in taking things apart of reassembling them back together, just to see how they tick. Plus I’d be home a lot more with Veronica and the kids, but then I wouldn’t have met that clever girl there. Even with us living 20 minutes apart from each other.” I grinned at Deacy.

“So to answer their question for you Misha, they wouldn’t have it any other way.” I said as I leaned against Brian and he placed his head next to mine.

“Dinner’s ready!” we heard Veronica cry from upstairs.

“Alrighty gents, let’s go eat.” I said as I raced on up the stairs and as I cross the living room I saw not only the mini-queens but Jack’s niece and nephews all playing together.

Oh it warmed my heart to see the whole bunch of these kids immediately click together.  I saw Thomas, Michael, Robert, Jimmy and Shep all playing with Thomas’ new trainset while Louisa, Laura and JJ were playing with some cabbage patch kids.

“Come on lovies, it’s time to eat.” At that split second, the kids all shot up and raced towards the kitchen.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah no running kids!” I warned them. We all gathered in the kitchen and gathered around the kitchen.

“Jack dear, would you like to lead in Grace this year?” asked his mum.  Jack took my hand and he said with a smile.

“Sure mom.” We all gathered around and bowed our heads as Jack led us in prayer. “Heavenly father we thank you for this wonderful Christmas year. We like to give thanks to (y/n)’s family who had a safe travel to come and see her, may you always watch over them as well as all of us. And continue to watch us as we go on into the new year. Bless us with your love and in your son’s name we pray. Amen.”

“Amen.” We all choired out before finally going around the entire kitchen to grab all the food that was cooked thanks to the wives of each family.  Once I had grabbed some mashed potatoes with gravy, turkey, ham, some rolls and mac and cheese I headed over to the living room to see Jack already at his seat on the couch.

He smiled and scooted over and I gladly sat down beside him.

“Hey baby.”

“Hello love.” I set my plate down in my lap and took a bite of my roll first. “God I hadn’t had bread in so long. It’s a shame that once I start touring again my team’s gonna force me back into shape to lose the holiday calories.”

“Well if you want my opinion, I think you look beautiful.” I awed at him but just before we could kiss each other, a throat cleared and there stood Roger with an interrogating brow raised.  I glared at him and that’s when Dominque came in and nudged Roger in the ribs giving him a look of her own.

“Okay movie tradition part 2. (Y/n) shall you choose another movie for us to start with for tonight?” Kelly said.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“Okay we’ve got Rudolph, Santa Clause is coming to town, the Little drummer boy, Year without a Santa Clause.”

“I’ve always loved watching Rudolph as a child. It—was actually my mum’s favorite.” I looked down sadly and that’s when I felt Jack rub my knee comfortingly.  I nodded telling him that I was fine and that’s when Kelly put in the Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer VHS tape into the VCR.

The kids all gathered in front of the TV and of course we all told them to not get too close to it.  As the movie went on and Hermie made his appearance Jensen just had to say.

“Hey look it’s Roger.” Rog turned to Jensen and said.

“What makes you say that?”

‘Well sir someday I’d like to be a—a dentist.’ We heard Hermie speak his line.  At that point Roger rolled his eyes upward while Jensen just chuckled mockingly and sipped his beer.  I smiled and bite my lower lip to contain my laughter but I couldn’t help the quiet snort snicker that came out of me.  As the movie continued to go on, it was the scene where Rudolph meets Clarisse, which was probably my most favorite scene all because of Rudolph’s famed line.

“Not gonna lie, that’s what I felt like doing the second you told me you loved me.” Jack whispered in my ear.  I looked up at him and whispered back.

“Well I’m not gonna lie either, because I felt like doing the exact same thing when we were at the festival.” He smiled and pecked my cheek which made my heart race and I felt myself blushing.

After a few more of the traditional Claymation Christmas movies, the kids were starting to get sleepy.

“Well I guess it’s time for us to get these kids to bed. Do you all know of a good hotel nearby?” asked Chrissie.

“Oh don’t be silly Chrissie. You all can stay at our homes.” Said Danneel.

“Oh no Danneel we couldn’t impose.” Said Brian.

“Really we all have plenty of room. Plus all the hotels nearby are practically filled during the Christmas season.” Said Jared.

“Luckily Jared and I built vacation houses near here so you all can decide who you want to bunk with.” Said Jensen.

“And since Jack and (y/n) are sharing a room together we’ve got two spare rooms to share.”

“Dominque and I can bunk here, if that’s alright with you Kelly.” Said Roger.  I glared at him with a look telling him to ‘behave’ but he just looked at me unphased.

“No Roger dear, I can stay here. You, Dominque and Felix will stay with your American twin.”

“Yeah Rog. Why not stay with me?” Jensen said as he pulled Roger in a sideways hug.  Freddie turned to me and I mouthed ‘thank you’ and he simply winked at me.

“The Deacons and the Mays can stay with us, and the kids can punk together.” Said Gen.

“Daddy can Louisa and Laura spend the night with us at our house?” asked JJ.

“I think that would be a good idea. Girls can have their own little sleepover and the boys can stay with us.” Said Danneel.

“Would you and Louisa like that Laura?” asked Deacy.

“Yeah sleepovers are fun. Plus JJ said she’d show us her Barbie dreamhouse.”

“Okay you and Louisa can spend the night with JJ. But be on your best behavior.” Said Veronica.

“You too Louisa.” Brian said to his daughter.

“I will daddy, I promise.” Said Louisa.

“Alright it’s official. Come on girls gather up your stuff and put it in the trunk. Let’s go saddle up.” Jensen told the girls and soon Laura, JJ and Louisa grabbed their toys and headed out to the car. Soon it was a hustle and bustle of getting things organized and people getting into the chosen cars so that they could go to the appropriate house for the night.

I hugged and kissed my whole family goodnight and told them I’d see them in the morning.  Of course Roger stayed back and warned me.

“No funny business you two. I swear it I have Fred watching you two like a hawk.”

“Oi Taylor! Stop harassing the lovebirds and get your British ass in here before I leave you!” Jensen cried out.

“Language Jensen!” I heard Danneel hiss.

“Sorry honey. Girls never say those words, they’re reserved for grownups only.” Roger looked back at me and I said.

“Go on Rog. I promise nothing’s going to happen.”

“Yeah Roger dear. Besides even if it did, they probably might’ve already done it by now since they no longer had the hovering lion to interrupt them this time.” Said Fred as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

“Not helping Fred.” I hissed lowly.

“Now go on Rog, have fun with your American twin. You both can find sexy parts of your cars together.” I snickered and at that point Roger looked up with a ‘just kill me’ look.  The horn beeped and Roger turned around shouting out.

“Keep your cowboy trousers on I’m coming!” I turned to Fred and said.

“You’re really not gonna watch over us all night are you?”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic, darling. I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that. I trust Jack and he’s not a nasty brute who would cup a feel of you in your sleep.” Wow Fred always got to make things dirtier than they are.  But at least he wasn’t gonna be 24/7 guard like Roger was claiming earlier.

Shortly after everyone left and we all got ready for bed, Freddie and I kissed each other goodnight and I walked right back into Jack’s room and shut the door.

“Again I am so sorry they just showed up. I literally had no idea they’d—”

“Hey. Like I said don’t worry about it. I mean yeah it sure was a surprise but I know my mom and dad didn’t mind. Besides it was better they met them now instead of in the future.” Jack assured me.

“I guess.”

“Come on now,” he stood up and took my hand and guided me back to his bed and we both sat down. “They love you (y/n). And I’m sure they couldn’t stand not spending one Christmas without you, plus it seems that Jensen and Roger were getting along quite well.”

“Fred was right about one thing. They are definitely twins when it comes to Rock and roll and cars.”

“Yeah Jensen always claimed that everything after 1979 is shit.” I smiled and said.

“Yeah Rog always speaks the truth when it comes to other artists. He will like them or hate them. If I remember correctly he didn’t like my song ‘Who I am’ because of the drum loops.”

“Wow so he can even criticize his favorite little angel?” Jack asked in mock-shock.

“Yes he does. But I’m a big girl I can take criticism from my favorite band.”

“I know you can. Because you,” as he emphasized the word you, he pulled me into his arms and even adjusted me so that I now ended up in his lap. “Are no lamb. You are a true lioness in the industry of wolves.”

“Yep, except for Queen who are my pride.” Jack and I grinned at each other before giving each other a peck before cuddling into bed.  “Merry Christmas Jack.”

“Merry Christmas baby, love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that the two of us fell asleep holding each other.

[itsblosseybitch]

Well Dunne by Fred Schruers (from Rolling Stone magazine, November 7th, 1985)

The star of ‘After Hours’ knows how to produce a lot of laughs

The day Warner Bros. previewed After Hours at its Burbank, California, studio for a randomly selected public - “People who may have been coming out of Wendy’s on La Cinega” is how Griffin Dunne puts it - leading man Dunne and his co-producer, Amy Robinson, joined a line of cars stop-and-going through the gates to the studio. As he tells about it now, a month later, he mimes the part of a power-buzzed security man clutching a walkie-talkie: “Get these people out of there...Can’t let the audience see you, sir...We’re at Building C, walking the producer and the star over now...” 

They hid Griffin in the projection booth till the lights went down. Then he sneaked in and listened. Very happily. “They laughed. Went crazy. You couldn’t hear the dialogue.”

A lot of his best lines got lost in the hubbub then, no? Dunne lets his swivel chair rock down from a perilous two-legged tilt and gives the serious, almost beady-eyed take meant to remind you what an alarmingly hostile world we live in: “Let that be the most serious of my problems.”

In fact, Dunne has hardly any problems just now that stand much chance of knocking him from the embrace of the bitch goddess Success. Costing roughly $4 million and described by director Martin Scorsese as “an experimental, psychological farce,” After Hours took only one September weekend to show it would clamber out of cult status and be recognized as something the studio could platform into a nice little hit. 

As a producer, then, the thirty-year-old Dunne is at speed. The grudging credit the industry gave him for co-producing Chilly Scenes of Winter, at age twenty-three, and added to with 1982′s Baby, It’s You (OP NOTE: This is an error. Should be 1983), must now give way to admiration. As an actor, he’s got many people besides the studio guards referring to him as an arriving star. He’s onscreen in virtually every frame in After Hours, and his highly expressive face, which seems to be hastily if handsomely thrown together, accented with dark eyebrows and riveting brown eyes, is undeniably crucial to our comic appreciation of the very odd goings-on during the protagonist’s interminable night among the sexually flawed denizens of artsy SoHo. Whether recoiling from the kinky come-ons of Rosanna Arquette’s Marcy and Linda Fiorentino’s Kiki, feeling mousetrapped by Teri Garr’s Julie, marked for slaughter by Catherine O’Hara’s Gail or imprisoned by Verna Bloom’s June, he’s a catalog of nearly nuanced lab-rat reflexes. 

The key to Dunne’s performance is clearly reaction, as Amy Robinson points out: “It was imperative in this movie that the character be very likable. Otherwise, why would you want to spend this hour and a half going through such trials and tribulations?”

Adam Brooks, who directed him in this year’s unkindly received Almost You, judges Griffin to be just the right everyman for this opening up in Scorsese’s work. “He’s alone, like other Scorsese heroes, but not obsessed. He’s more like us - a child of computers and television. Lonely, but not driven.”

“A lot of people say Griffin looks like Dudley Moore, but I think he’s a lot more like Jack Benny - his comedy works when he’s surrounded by a lot of crazy people, crazy events. He’s charming, endearing. What’s great about After Hours is that the charm gets defeated at every point and ends up being a kind of vanity - so you’ve got this nicely mounting hysteria.”

The Joseph Minion script for After Hours - dispatched to Griffin after being handed to Amy Robinson by Minion’s film-school professor, director Dusan Makavejec - caught the actor’s fancy on page 2. He could sink right into the role of Paul Hackett, a lonely and bored word processor who meets an enticing girl at a coffee shop. “I understood the speech patterns, the other characters and the tension. And the situation of a horrible date. Of being with somebody, trapped in a situation. I’m looking around the room, going ‘How do I get out of here? And how the hell did I get in here?’ Which is a pretty funny basis for a movie.”

“My only criterion for directing Griffin,” says Scorsese, “was ‘I don’t believe you. For all you know, you’re pleading for your life. If I don’t believe you, I’m not gonna print this take, and we’ll just continue till I believe you.’ He had to get in touch with something in here, he had to plead for his life. And that was - fun.”

Thomas Griffin Dunne was born June 8th, 1955, in New York City, the first of three children of Dominick and Ellen (known as Lenny). His father was a Connecticut-bred, Williams-educated stage manager en route to producer status; his mother was an actress and model raised in Nogales, Arizona, by her Mexican mother and her cattle-rancher father, Thomas Griffin. Dominick worked on everything from Howdy Doody to Playhouse 90, and when colleague Martin Manulis moved to Los Angeles in 1956, Dominick took his work and family went as well. 

They settled in then quaint Beverly Hills (”Not the Iranian gun boutiques they’ve got now,” grumbles Griffin), where Griffin hung out with other showbiz whelps, like Carrie Fisher, until heading east to a prestigious old prep school. One unfortunately whimsical day, under the influence of a notorious Moby Grape album cover, he extended his middle finger toward the camera in the football-team photo. By chance, two years later, the headmaster glanced at the photo; the punishment was five swats. 

(OP NOTE: I actually contacted Fay School about this photo, and they claimed they didn’t have it. In hindsight, I should have tried a different approach because, to quote Mandy-Rice Davies, “Well they would, wouldn’t they?”)

Next stop was a less stodgy boys school in Colorado, where he won a plum role in The Zoo Story as a sophomore and became “Joe Theater” on campus. By senior year, he was preparing for his greatest performance, as Iago in Othello. The evening before the big day, Griffin and a friend were in a dorm room contentedly smoking dope when the door swung open. They smothered the joint just in time to look up at the school’s “one badass” faculty member, who asked, “What’s that smell?” “There was the longest pause,” recalls Griffin. “Finally, I said ‘What smell?’ “ The smoke, he says, “just poured right out - mocked me.”

Griffin, sent packing, hitchhiked home quite certain that his proper trade was acting. He got a bit part in Medical Story as an intern hooking up an I.V. line amid much medical palaver, but they changed the diagnosis on him at the last minute. Frantically trying to memorize the new bit during a five-minute break, he burned his lip trying to light a cigarette and went before the camera lisping, sweating, shaking, and bereft of words. Actress Linda Purl took pity and wrote his lines on her forearm, where the I.V. was to go. “It was such a classy move,” he says.

Still, deciding he’d better learn the trade from scratch, Griffin migrated to New York and joined the legion of struggling actors. He was catastrophically nervous at auditions: when he went before the stern Uta Hagen to apply for her acting class, he “went up” - completely forgot the text he’d prepared from The Catcher In The Rye. So he improvised, giving the story that morning’s trip downtown as Holden Caulfield might tell it. She was alternately rapt and chuckling, and signed him on. But he was soon shown to be the dunce of a class full of working actors. Finally, one day after he set a prop door up backward for a solo exercise, then frenziedly tried to shove it the wrong way through the jamb, she took him aside and told him he was simply not ready for her class. But he begged her one more chance, and the next day he skipped forward several exercises to do an imaginary phone call. He wowed Hagen and the class and went on from there.

As he built off-Broadway credits, Dunne lived in various shabby apartments and worked odd jobs, notably, selling candy and popcorn at Radio City Music Hall, where he was stung by the indifference of the Amazonian Rockettes: “They certainly had no time for a guy in a polyester zip-up baby-blue jacket with a cadet hat and shoes two sizes too big that had belonged to an usher who died of old age.”

He met Amy Robinson, who had gone from Scorsese’s Mean Streets to searching for work, at a party. With a third actor, Mark Metcalf, they became upstart movie producers by optioning Ann Beattie’s Chilly Scenes of Winter. Joan Micklin Silver came in as screenwriter and director, and they got studio financing to make a cult prestige item. It marked the beginning of a time of happy overwork for Griffin. He came back from shooting a TV film called The Wall in Poland (opposite Rosanna Arquette) to do the play Coming Attractions, which he then left to do John Landis’ film An American Werewolf in London.

He had come back to work full-time on producing Baby, It’s You when horrible news came: his sister, Dominique, a promising young actress, was strangled to death at the age of twenty-two by her boyfriend, a chef at Ma Maison. 

“It brought all of us who were left together for every moment for a year between what happened and the verdict,” says Dominick Dunne. “It’s never for a moment not a part of you. The point is, you have to go on, you have to cope, to live your life. He threw himself into his work.”

Baby, It’s You was completed that year and dedicated to his sister. Then, even as he helped with script revisions to After Hours, Griffin was before the cameras in Adam Brooks’ Almost You. It’s about a couple suffering from the young man’s restlessness, and though Dunne and Brooke Adams agreed to do it while they were very much a couple, by the time it got financing, they were just friends. “I guess you could say they had a lot to work with,” says Brooks. “but that never interfered with the production.”

Griffin’s been seeing New York actress Ellen Barkin lately; she was on his arm for the New York premiere of the film and afterward was a proud but not proprietary presence as he accepted congratulations well into the night from a buzzing crowd of friends at a downtown restaurant. He was due to head cross-country for promotional chores, but he’s got further plans for his unusually hyphenated career. He and Amy Robinson have optioned the hit play The Foreigner, written by the late Larry Shue. And after the rigors of making After Hours on a nocturnal schedule, Griffin is very happy to have the phone plugged back in and the shades up. 

(OP NOTE: As I mentioned in the transcript for the American Film article, The Foreigner never materialized as a feature film, though Robin Williams was attached at one point. That’s all the information I have about that at the moment.)

“I noticed that Griffin is the kind of guy who gets around a lot, parties a lot,” says Scorsese, “and I knew the hardest part of his job was sustaining the anxiety for eight weeks of shooting.” The director pauses for a grin that demands to be called devilish. “So I told him, ‘No sex for eight weeks. We’ve got careers on the line here. I don’t want you up at night talking, wasting your time and your precious bodily fluids.’

“Really, the idea was to contain him and keep him in this night world for eight weeks, ‘cause his performance depended on anxiety, and if he was satisfied, he would never be able to get that.”

Dunne, reminded later of the challenge, tips back his chair and grins to himself. “Aw, that was easy to live up to,” he says, then waits a beat to settle into the deadpan expression that is such a comic weapon for him. “Did you ever try to get a date a six-thirty in the morning?”

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month Day 11- Mafia Au

Part 1 (Day 7- Falling in love with an Ex)

Dark side of life -Part 2

Hinata

For months after high school ended I imagined running into Sasuke, I imagined him coming to me and apologizing, I imagined him saying he loved me still and I would have been ok with it, I would have forgave him for the pain he had caused because i was 17 and I love, but as time went on and Uni started and he disappeared I imagined another scenario. I imagined meeting my true soul mate in University and then running into Sasuke and showing him how I had moved on. But once more that didn’t happen. I dated quite a bit in Uni but nothing serious, the longest relationship was barely 2 months and even that I knew wouldn’t last. I never imagined meeting him in a club when I was dressed in someone else’s clothes. I didn’t imagine him hugging me like we’re old pals and for sure I didn’t imagine myself blocking. All of a sudden it feels like the air has been sucked from my lungs, my heart is beating so fast and hard I feel it physically hurting my chest. Ino is grinning at me, Sakura is looking worried and Sasuke is up in my face, smirking.  

His smirk is something I'm familiar with, I remember him looking at me that way whenever I told him that I loved him, he’d say ‘i know’ and kiss me hard and whisper that he loved me too. Out of everyone that I have dated Sasuke made me feel the most loved, but he also hurt me the most. He finally let me go and I breath in deeply. I close my eyes while he shakes hands with Sakura and I try to compose myself. When I open my eyes, I feel better. He just caught me off guard, in a place and time when I was already feeling awkward.  

I notice Naruto looking at Sasuke alarmed. That makes sense if he’s friends with Sasuke he probably knows what his dark smile means. He's worried that Sasuke will make me upset and I'll vent to Ino and that might affect their relationship. I know this, I've seen this before with Ino’s boyfriends. When she sets me up with the friend of her boyfriend, they always worry about that. But I never cause problems for them and Ino is a hopeless romantic and never sees any of these signs, even now she’s looking at me with stars in her eyes. She's made up her mind that me and Sasuke will be a couple, we’ll have a double wedding and move in the same house and out kids will be best friends. Again...I’ve seen this play out before.  

“So how do the two of you know each other?” Ino asks  

“We went to the same high school.” I answered vaguely. I hoped Sasuke would leave it to that. But as always Sasuke disappoints me.

“Oh don’t be like that. We were in the same class all thought school from 1rst to 12th grade. And then in 10th grade we started dating until 12th when due to unfortunate events we broke up amicably, of course” He spoke with so much ease even I for a moment believe him. But I quickly remember the true story and the fact that he lied makes me hate him a bit more.  

I thank God Temari left, she’s the one that knows about Sasuke. I told both her and Gaara everything one drunken night at their home a couple of summers ago. Ino still looks like she just won the lottery while Sakura and Ten just share a puzzled expression. Naruto is cringing, either he knows the real story, or he can tell that Sasuke is lying.  

Ino goes back into party mood and orders more shots for everyone. “You can’t drink tho. You have to drive us all home” she tells Naruto sternly. He only nods and dips his head to kiss her. The thought of getting drunk while Sasuke is around is as pleasant as getting stabbed in the eye with a spoon. But when Ino gives me a shot I drink it anyway, because it’s so much easier to do what she says then to fight with her and end up doing that anyway. For the 8th time that night I wish I had told Neji to come with.  

Sasuke

When Naruto said that his girlfriend is celebrating her birthday at K9 club the very night that I had some business in the area I didn’t think much of it. When he said that he wanted to tag along and then party with her I said I'm ok with it. We got to the club, I finished what I had to do pretty fast and I started making my way to where I saw Naruto and Ino and then I noticed her, she was looking at me like I was a ghost. I couldn’t help but mess a bit with her. If I'm honest I expected her to leave early after we arrived.  

Naruto keeps throwing me worried looks. He knows about Hinata. When Ino asked how we knew each other I couldn’t help but tell them the story I had made up in my mind. I’ve been refusing the truth, that I broke her heart, since the moment it happened. I keep telling myself it was ok with both of us how we ended. I figure that if I keep saying it enough, I'll eventually start believing it.  

Hinata and the other 2 girls are dancing and Ino went to the bathroom so it’s just me and Naruto in the booth for the first time since we got here. “Dude what are you doing?” Naruto asks, I know he’s been worried. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve taken every chance to be near Hinata and touch her. Nothing in my life has changed since high school, it actually got worse so I can’t drag her into any of that. But I didn’t expect that just seeing her and being close to her would do this to me. I want to pick her up, throw her over my shoulder and take her home with me. I want to apologize for breaking her heart and help her put it back together. But I can’t. Yet seeing her brings back memories of the 2 years we had together, those 2 years are my happy place. Even the beginning of our relationship when we were a bit awkward, everything about it is perfect, of course if you don’t count the last 2 hours of our relationship when I ruined it all.  

I watch as she dances, she’s smiling at her friends, her cheeks are red from the alcohol she drank and probably because she’s hot from dancing. Her clothes are a tad too tight and short but I'm not complaining, I can see every curve of her body, she looks different from when we were in high school, she has a more mature look in her eyes and everything about her is adult now. I used to know every dip and freckle on her body and the thought that it changed, and I will never be able to familiarize myself with it once more makes it hard to breath. I take my eyes off her because I can’t think when I’m watching her. i look around the club and see at least 6 other men looking at her with filthy thoughts read in their eyes and it takes all my willpower not to go to them and smash their heads against a wall. My murderous thought must have been obvious because Naturo places his hand on my shoulder. “Dude I'm worried about you”  

Hinata

I ended up drinking enough that now I don’t care that Sasuke is here, actually in a sick kind of way I like feeling his stare burn me. For a while I closed my eyes and imagined we are back in high school. That this is a normal party, that I am dancing with my friends while he is laughing with his friends and that soon enough he’ll come over and hug me from behind, that we’ll dance for a while that way but I'll turn in his hold and we’ll kiss all night long. But as I open my eyes I'm still in the club 6 years later, and he’s sitting at the table and there will be no kissing. I'm oddly disappointed in that. I'm disappointed in me too, I thought I was over this. But just seeing him brought back everything I felt for him, the hurt, the heartbreak and I'm scared that the love is back as well.  

Ten and Sakura are back to kissing and Ino is still in the bathroom. I stop dancing and consider going to look for her in case she’s sick. I look to where the boys are and my eyes meet Sasuke’s. For a second I forget everything when I look at him so I smile at him. I point to the bathroom and nod. He looks to the bathroom and nods back. He points at Sakura and Ten, then to himself and makes an ok sign. He’ll watch over them while I'm gone. The high of the alcohol is coming down and I feel emotional. I haven’t found anyone with whom I can talk like I can with him, I feel myself tearing up, so I start walking to the bathroom. I realize that all these years I've tried to get over losing Sasuke as a boyfriend and I did nothing for the part of my heart that broke when I lost him as a best friend.  

I knock on the door and Ino shouts that ‘It’s fucking busy’ and if I knock again she’ll break my arm Sometimes I forget how irritable alcohol makes her.  

“It’s me. Open up” The door opens and she lets me in.

“Sorry some bitch has been knocking for 5 minutes and she pissed me off” I nod.  

“What are you doing here?” I ask, but then I see her make-up kit on the sink, and I understand.  

“i’m re-touching my make-up. It was a mess after sweating and kissing Naruto.” she looks back to the mirror and I put the lid down on the toilet and sit on it. I know Ino well enough, this will take her another 10 minutes at least.  

“Entertain me. Tell me about Sasuke” I sigh. I knew sooner or later she would wanna know.  

“We were friends. We dated. We broke up. Nothing more to say there” Her eyes are on me in the mirror.  

“Well you dated him for 2 years that must have been serious. I mean you barely dated that Vet student for 2 months and no one else lasted over 3 weeks” She’s looking me in the eyes and I feel trapped. I hate it so much that I actually get up and leave, I hear Ino shouting after me. I know she won’t follow me. Not until she finishes her make-up. I see Sakura and Ten drinking at the bar, Naruto passes by me with his phone at his ear, so I turn to Sasuke and he’s alone in the booth looking at me with his eyebrow rose. I look at my options, I don’t wanna go back to talk to Ino, i don’t wanna drink anymore, I don’t know Naruto enough to go with him and I can’t just sit alone on the dance floor. A part of my brain tells me I'm just lying to myself, that I actually just want to go to Sasuke and I don’t even bother to correct that part, I just make my way to where he is.  

Sasuke

This is the third time tonight that I feel like my heart will jump out of its place. First was when I saw her for the first time, the second was when she smiled at me before going to the bathroom and now is the third as I look at her as she makes her way towards me, her eyes are focused and they have a purpose, I just don’t know what it is.  

She sits down next to me and closes her eyes. I touch her cheek with the back of my hand, I can’t help it. She's too close to me for my brain to make any sense. When I saw her initially, I just wanted to tease her a little because I believed she’d leave soon. She didn’t. Her eyes open and she looks younger and hurt.  

“Why?” her voice is meek and halfway a sob. I feel like crying too. I know what she’s asking but I don’t answer, I can’t. I just pull her closer. My arm is around her waist, I tilt her head so it’s resting on my shoulder and with my other hand I take one of hers. She fits next to me just as perfect as she always did. She turns her head so her nose touches my shoulder and I can feel her inspire in, I turn my head too so I can bury my nose in her hair and I smell her, she smells like all my wildest dreams come true. I want to cry too, for the time lost, for the happiness I could have had with her.  

“My family is doing bad things, really bad things. I couldn’t risk putting you in danger.”

Her head raises. “bad things?”  

I nod. “Japanese mafia is no joke.”  

I can feel her gasp. Without saying anything else I lower her head once more and stay in the same position as earlier. I open my eyes and see Naruto stare at me with sad eyes, Ino looks ecstatic while the other two girls just look confused. That pretty much sums up what I feel too, I'm sad because I could have had Hinata forever but our lives were just a bit off and we didn’t fit as we should have, I'm ecstatic to be here with her now, touching her, having her warmth all around me, and I'm confused because I don’t know how to fix everything, to make it all fit so I can have her. In high school I gave her up without thinking about how much it would hurt, but now that I know how it is to live with her and how it is to live without her, and I want to do anything in my power to make her want to stay with me and to figure out how to protect her from everything, from my life, my family, myself.  

[laceyeb]

I know I don’t say this very often, but I LOVED my job today. 

For a Wednesday during which I had to do study hall three days before winter break for kids who had to miss out on an ice skating trip, it was actually a decent day already. 

At lunch, I went through the office to give the secretary some money because we’re collecting for the principal’s birthday. But I walk right past the principal’s office when I walk from the staff room to the front office and she stopped me to talk to me. My class is pretty rough this year. I teach a Special Day class, which is what we call the “most restrictive environment” as far as classes we offer to students with disabilities at our school. I have four grade levels (5th through 8th), most of my students have pretty serious behaviors (I don’t have like chair throwers or classroom destroyers though), and I have about twice as many students as I should have in order to run a truly effective program. 

So the principal stopped me and said, “We’re not going to solve any problems this year, but we need to go to the superintendent before next year and have a discussion because you shouldn’t have to put up with all of this. It’s not fair to you and I’m sorry you have to put up with everything you do.” I told her she doesn’t need to be sorry because it’s not her fault my class is so ridiculous this year. I did tell her, as she already knows, that I call the day a success if we make it through without any bloodshed or broken bones. And we might learn some math, but I can’t make any promises. She said that’s exactly her point and that it’s not fair to me, so we have to demand some changes for next year. I told her hopefully I make it through this year and can stick around for next year. You should have seen the look she gave me! She said, “Do NOT talk like that! You’re not going anywhere! You can move to a different position if you have to, but you are NOT leaving our school!” And she was only kind of joking around which made me feel very special and appreciated. Seeing as I often feel very under appreciated. 

The other reason I loved my job today was because we had our staff Christmas party this afternoon. I’m not much of a socializer/party-goer and I sometimes feel a little awkward and left out at such gatherings. But today was an absolute blast!!! We had so much food, exchanged our last secret santa gifts, and played a game, which was the highlight. If you’ve never heard of the dice game called LCR, google it. That’s what we played. We were all told to bring $5 in quarters if we wanted to play. I think it would typically be just played with chips. In a nutshell… You have three dice labeled L, C, R, and the other three sides have dots. You roll and L means you pass a quarter to the left, R to the right, and C mean you put it in the center and those ones basically end up out of play. Dots mean you do nothing. After two rounds, we started a new rule that meant everyone has to give you one quarter if you roll three dots. (Of course this was after I rolled three dots on both of my first two rolls, so I’m slightly bitter, but I did get it again after a while.) We started with about 20 of us playing and the last person with quarters won all of the money! The game probably took an hour by the end. You can keep playing if you run out of quarters, because someone on your left or right might give you some. Most people left after they were out because they had to go pick up their kids or go to appointments or whatever. I pointed out that I don’t have any kids and I could stay all night if I had to. Many of us got very competitive. 

At some point I must have mentioned that these quarters I brought were my laundry money because I have to go to a laundromat and everyone else is real grownups. So then one of our secretaries (the one who said last night that our principal is “hot as fuck”) and one of the other teachers started googling those little portable washers that you fill up with hot water and can fit in like three pairs of pants at a time. They were picking some out for me and then she got the bright idea that she could email every employee in our district and they could chip in a dollar and get me a portable washer! She wasn’t kidding! So they started writing this email together and were like “wonderful teacher,” “gives so much of herself,” “never complains,” etc. I told her she better not do that and she was NOT listening. (It was all in good fun.) Finally she said, “Okay, then I’m just sending it to people at our school.” At some point she said, “You can nominate someone for next time.” And then the two of them spent a lot of time muttering together. So I don’t know what, if anything, will come of that. I think it would actually be really cool (not just because I like presents that are hopefully cash and not portable washers) if we picked a staff member to just show appreciation to every once in a while and that person then got to pick who was next. That sounds like an awesome way to bring us together and boost morale in general and just show each other appreciation. So I’m kind of hoping they actually do something for me because I already know who I’m picking to go next!

And finally we got to the end of our game and the PE teacher ended up winning. He’s my classroom next door neighbor and we have the same lunch and I’ve known him since I started at this school (he was actually the principal at the time and was the one who hired me), so we’ve bonded. He ended up getting all the money and him and me and a couple others were helping to clean up after the party and he kept saying, “Those are your quarters, Lacey.” And I said, “No they are not.” And he said, “Yes they are. That’s your laundry money.” And I said, “Nope. Those aren’t mine.” Finally I convinced him to keep them and use them for the library fundraiser we do in the spring where we collect change, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see them appear in my classroom tomorrow and I just know we’re going to be arguing about these quarters for as long as we’re working together. 

All in all, I felt very appreciated and included today and had so much fun and even made a trip to (a very busy) Target to put together an outfit for our ugly sweater contest on Friday.

[miracles-totally-come-true]

When I Will Be Gone (2/2)

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Pairing: Logince

Summary: Logan loves Roman with all of his heart. Logan can see that Roman wants to do more with his life. Logan can also see that his own life just isn’t working. Logan thinks he can fix both of their problems.

Roman only wants to spend his life with his boyfriend. He’s perfectly fine with giving up on his dreams if it means waking up every day to see Logan’s face.

Roman only wishes he had said that sooner.

Ao3 link: (Tumblr isn’t letting me link it in a neat and simple way, so you get a large oversized link to the fic)

This was originally meant to be read as a oneshot, but Tumbr doesn’t seem to like me and won’t let me post the whole thing at once, so here’s the first part

A Quick Note:

When anything is written in italics, this means that the text is part of Logan's recording. The recording takes place a few hours earlier than the story's present day.

—————————

You’re the only one who could possibly missed me, so I have three requests

September 12, three years prior

"My love is and always will be, completely unconditional. You are incredible,"

When I will be gone, do not think back on the memories, they will only hurt you more.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"I could never not look back. I'd be lost if I couldn't think back to all the amazing time we've spent together so far,"

When I will be gone, smile, for you have so many more opportunities to turn your life around than ever before. You have the chance to be truly happy for the first time in years.

Present day, Roman's perspective

"No, this can't be real. This is a prank. Logan wouldn't..... he would never....."

When I will be gone, leave. Move to LA or NYC, start your life over. Enjoy yourself.

Present day, Roman's perspective

Numb. That's all he felt at this point. This was wrong. This wasn't something that should ever happen. This couldn't be happening.

I'm sorry. I never meant for things to end this way.

November 27th, three years prior

The fish had finally croaked. Logan had always said that it was holding on longer than he had expected, but Roman hadn't thought it would actually die. They both agreed that another fish was a necessity.

I understand that this is most likely a mistake, but I also know that this is something I feel that I must do. I know I could just walk away and forget about all of this, back to you. But I can't.

January 30th, two years prior

They were back in the rose-filled meadow, sitting beside a tree, painting. Logan's canvas was very monotone, nearly done, with lots of geometric shapes. He was using a ruler.

Roman on the other hand, didn't care about perfection. His painting was of them both, all done in different shades of red and blue.

I can't walk on this earth, knowing that I am dragging you down. You deserve so much more than I can give you.

May 4th, two years prior

A pottery class. Roman didn't know how he convinced Logan to come. But they were both enjoying it, and that was what mattered. Logan had a smudge of clay on his cheek, which Roman failed to point out to him, since he found it absolutely adorable. It ended up drying and they spend ages trying to successfully get it off.

I am a despicable human being, I can't believe that I have gone this long trying to say that I'm merely walking away. You have probably figured out what's going on though.

October 14th, two years prior

The couple stood on the bank of a creek, skipping stones and occasionally attempting to serenade the other. Logan refused to actually sing though, so it ended up mostly being one large rap battle.

I never had any intention of simply skipping town.

January 1st, one year prior

Smiles, snowball fights, hot chocolate, mittens drying over the vent. Today was a good day.

I don't know why I thought I could tell you that. We both know that I would never be able to stay away. Hope is a dangerous thing.

February 14th, one year prior

So much chocolate. Roman knew that Logan would never be able to eat it all, but he had bought it for him anyways. It was truly worth the smile that Logan gave him though.

You mean too much to me for me to be able to continue to live, knowing that I have the opportunity to come back. I have to do this, it's the only way to save you from the pain that is clearly taking you over.

August 1st, one year prior

They were back in Roman's living room, waltzing. Logan didn't know how to waltz. Roman barely knew the basics. Still, they kept at it until their feet ached.

Remember the meadow in which we had our first date? The roses here are exquisite. So many memories...

Present day, Roman's perspective

The meadow. That's where Logan would be. He had to go, had to save him. Roman wouldn't be able to ever forgive himself if something irreversible happened. Roman grabbed the recording. He'd let it finish playing as he drove there.

I seem to have hit my emotional breaking point. I don't remember the last time I allowed myself to cry like this.

December 8th, seven months prior

A sweet kiss. Moonlight filtered through the window, illuminating the blush on both of their faces.

Please Roman, let go. Travel the world, be the actor that you've always wanted to be. I'm leaving you every last item of value in my possession for you to use to pay for your new life, don't use your own money until mine is all gone.

June 18th, two days before the recording was made

The blanket fort probably wasn't the best idea, but it was comfortable and made for the best possible movie watching experience. They had both seen every Disney movie countless times, but nonetheless it was time for another movie marathon.

I love you so much, please don't take this as a sign that you weren't enough, because that isn't true. You were everything you could possibly be with me there. I am the one who is the failure.

Present day, Roman's perspective

He wouldn't get there in time. He wouldn't be able to make it. He'd only be met with the remains of the man he loved. But he could still try. Giving up was cowardly and uncharacteristic for him. Roman slid the locket around his neck.

Reincarnation is illogical, and so is the idea of an afterlife, but perhaps we shall meet again, my love.

Present day, June 20th, Logan's perspective

He looked down at the rose bushes around him. He had waited long enough, Roman would be figuring out where he was and showing up to stop him soon. He couldn't let that happen. Seeing Roman's face would be enough to make him stop, for the time being at least. That wasn't what Logan wanted.

The blood red roses around him were truly beautiful.

He was finally met with the one sound he had wanted to hear for as long as he could remember.

The birds stopped chirping. Complete silence.

"Roman, I love you," his last words, and they would explain the only emotion Logan had ever really admitted to having.

He could rest at last.

The safety on his pistol clicked off.

First part

[softbookboi]

Spin The Bottle (a snowbaz fanfic) Chapter 1

Summary: The Eighth Years are playing Spin The Bottle at a party. When Simon sees that his ex-girlfriend Agatha cheated to kiss Baz, he decides to get revenge. During the next game, Seven Minutes In Heaven, Simon cheats and gets himself and Baz in the closet together. Oh my, what could they possibly do in the closet?

Simon

This is stupid. I'm in a huge house full of drunkards stumbling around, falling on top of each other, making out, and dancing like animals solely because I couldn't resist Penny's puppy eyes. Oh, this is so stupid.

I push through the bodies intoxicated with alcohol and wander around, trying to look for Penny, anyone. At this point, I'm even looking for Agatha-no. No, I'm not. Anyone, but not Agatha. As I whip my head around several times, trying to look past the towering dancers, I sigh and make my way towards the stairs. I'll just go upstairs, maybe there's not much of a crowd there and I can relax and find Penny and get the hell out of here.

Agatha broke up with me a week ago, and I've been a bit miserable since then. I was so confused and agitated and angry as to why she would want to break up. We're the perfect couple, her family loves me and we've been together for years now, and then she decides to call it off in the 8th year. I knew part of the reason she decided to call it off was that she liked Baz, and that made me more angry, more upset. So much so that I started eating less and Penny became genuinely concerned about me. So while I talked crap about stupid Baz, she had made a plan to take me to this party. Of course, at first I said no, but then she gave me her puppy eyes and emotionally blackmailed me, so I had to accept. I already regretted it the moment I entered, and she left me and told me to 'get another girlfriend'. It's been an hour now and I haven't seen her anywhere. I want to go home and if I don't find her upstairs, I'll go back by myself.

I finally make my way up the stairs and rest for a minute, leaning on the railing. I was right, there is barely a crowd here, the hall is completely empty except for a few people here and there. I start walking again and check a few of the bedrooms up here. Empty. No one's in them. As I make my way to the last door and reach for the doorknob, someone bursts out and bumps into me, our foreheads smashing together.

"Ahh," I let out. I look up to see the perpetrator is the devil herself, Penny.

"Penny," I start, "why did you bring me here? I wanna go back, I don't like it and it's certainly not helping me feel any better-"

"Merlin's beard, Simon. I'd been looking for you everywhere and was just about to come to get you right now. Where were you?"

"Where was I? Where were you? You left me downstairs all alone with those bloody drunks, I've been miserable! Well, at least we're leaving now-"

"We're not leaving."

"-so it's fin-what? Yes, we are. I've had enough, Penny."

"Come on, just give it another try, we're just about to play Spin The Bottle and it'll be really fun and the people inside aren't even that drunk as that downstairs so you can try a real convo with them."

"Oh, Penny, please, Spin The Bottle? What are you, in middle school?"

"Oh just come, it'll be great. I promise you won't regret it." She said as she grabbed my arm and dragged me in. Inside, everyone was scattered and they were all 8th years. Most of them I was quite friendly with, and others who I'd passed in halls before when I was going to my classes. As my eyes went over everyone in the room, they landed on Baz, talking to his minions, Niall and Dev. Baz.

Baz was here? And he was playing Spin The Bottle? I would've expected him to snide some stupid remark about us 8th years being too mature to play these types of games and then say he wasn't interested, but I guess not? And I hadn't even known he was coming to this party.

As if reading my mind, Penny says, "Every 8th year was invited to this party, we had decided to play these games beforehand, as kind of reminiscing old memories. Surprisingly, Baz agreed to this game without a remark. Guess he wanted to reminisce too, or just wanted to kiss someone. After this, it's Seven Minutes In Heaven. And, uhh...Agatha's here too."

She said the last bit in a really small voice as if apologizing. My eyes soared around the room once again, and I spotted her sitting in the half-made circle, excited. I quickly looked away, not wanting to meet her eyes after what she sent me through. Instead, I glanced at Baz.

He was now making his way towards the circle, sitting down a few feet away from Agatha. Upon watching him arrive, she blushed, and he smiled. Then, he looked my way and smirked. I felt a wave of anger rush over me from this. That prick always liked my girlfriend, and now that we've broken up, of course, he's going to make a move on her. That's probably why he even said yes to this game. She's probably the someone he wants to kiss. That bastard.

Baz

I had heard the door open a bit after Bunce had gone looking for Snow, and spared a tiny glance. It was Snow, he was here.

I felt my stomach drop to the floor and my spirit lift out of my body with hope all at once.

Snow is here, so there's a chance that I could get to kiss him, but I don't think I'll be able to handle that. And there's a huge chance that someone else would get picked. But still.

I only agreed to this game because I thought it was a bit childish, and it's been a while since I felt like a child again so I agreed. But now Snow is here, and I'm sweating with nervousness. I know he won't get picked, I just know, but I can't help but fidget.

I look at Snow as he takes in all the people here but look away before he gets to me and then look back after. I watch as he looks at Wellbelove and for a brief second, pain flashes in his expression, and is gone after because he looks away. I pity him, Wellbelove was his girlfriend for years and now she dumped him. It almost makes me want to stop toying with him by flirting with her. Actually, I do want to stop. I don't want him thinking that I want his ex-girlfriend. I want him, but he can't ever know that, no matter how much I want it.

I make my way towards the circle with Niall and Dev behind me and know he's watching. As I sit down, Wellbelove blushes and I smile at her, pitying her too as I'm not interested. I look over to Snow and smirk and watch as anger overcomes him. He's really too easy to mess with, I bet he thinks I fancy Wellbelove. The poor boy.

I talk with others while the circle fills and everyone's sitting now with the bottle in the center, and finally turn towards the people to see who's here. I see quite a lot of 8th years and but not all, guess some people decided to stay in the dorms tonight. Snow's sitting across from me, looking miserable as ever. I keep stealing small glances at him but making sure he can't see me. As I'm in the fourth one, I feel Dev nudge me from the side. I look over at him with a confused expression and he's smirking at me, obviously having caught me staring at Snow. I look away quickly, not wanting him to see the pink dusting my cheeks (I had just drained a deer before arriving at this party).

"Alright everyone, let's start the game." One of the girls says.

We play a few rounds, sometimes people of the same gender kiss, and everyone oohs and ahhs a lot, enjoying the show. Snow doesn't play, nor does Bunce, Wellbelove and me. When finally it's Wellbelove's turn to spin the bottle, Snow looks troubled, anxious to see who it would point to. I can already tell he's going to hate whoever this lands on, whether it be a girl or boy. And God forbid if it lands on him, that would be really fucking awkward.

My wish comes true, it doesn't land on him. Instead, it lands on...me. Me.

I hear the hooting of the boys and girls, but I'm so shocked that they just seem like white noise to me. This isn't right, I was just flirting with Agatha for fun. Now if we kiss, she'll definitely take that as a sign for us to get together. I don't like her, I never did. I knew she liked me and that she was gonna propose the idea of us soon, and had been preparing to turn her down. But this bottle has made things so much harder now.

I feel another nudge, and look up from the bottle to see Snow glaring at me. I can practically see the air bursting out of his ears, and his face is red with anger. Snow also knew Wellbelove liked me, he saw us holding hands the other day in the woods. I can see he's very near to going off, his magic is prickling at my skin, but he's also holding back somehow so that he doesn't make a racket. If he was angry with me then, he's livid now.

I look at Wellbelove and she's popping with victory, pride clear on her face. I think she spelled the bottle to turn to me, it's obvious she had something to do with it by the look she has on. I don't think she's even fazed that her ex-boyfriend is in the room, I think she's even more ecstatic that he'll watch her kiss someone else.

I've taken too long to think, and now everyone's chanting kiss kiss kiss like a bunch of 11-year-olds. This was a bad idea, such a bad idea. The talk with Wellbelove is going to be even harder and Snow hates me even more now. The boy I love despises me more now. But I know I can't back down, I have to do this. I mean it's just a kiss, I'll just give her a peck and pull away fast. I move forward toward her and she does too. We're on all fours, knees and hands, and she's so eager that she pulls me in from the back of my neck. I move to pull away after a second but she doesn't let go, instead, she pulls me closer and slips her tongue in my throat. The cheering grows louder. I don't like kissing her and I don't want to.

I forcefully move away this time, and as I am, I accidentally meet eyes with Snow. His face hardens and he looks like a psycho overcome by rage, his blue eyes glinting with anger. For a moment, he scares me, and I move faster. I pull away and she looks shocked, but then moves back to her side.

That was my first kiss. I've never kissed anyone before and she stole it, the witch. I didn't like the feeling at all.

We play a few more rounds, but I'm far off in my mind to pay attention. I won't even bother flirting with Wellbelove now. I'll just be blunt, serves her right for doing a despicable thing.

I'm regretting my life choices as the game finally finishes, and then we're about to start Seven Minutes In Heaven. I won't play this time, and if Wellbelove pulls something again, I'll just refuse to go in the goddamn closet with her. I won't be forced to play this bloody game with her.

Simon

I'm livid.

When the bottle landed on Baz, I was terrifyingly mad. When I looked at his face, he didn't sneer or smirk, instead, he looked a bit...upset...that it landed on him. But then I looked at Agatha, and she was overflowing with smugness. I knew. She had spelled this bottle to make it land on Baz and get me back for whatever reason. She knew I hated Baz and she didn't even care that I was in the same room, instead she spelled it to make sure that it lands on him out of all people. I'm not mad at Baz anymore, I'm mad at Agatha. I don't want her back now and I'm going to get revenge. I have the perfect way to do that too.

As we're getting ready for Seven Minutes In Heaven, the girls are writing everyone's names on slips of paper and putting them inside a hat. This game will be like that last one, meaning people of the same gender can go in the closet together. I know Agatha is gonna cheat again, so why don't I just do it?

I sneakily pick up a piece of paper when no one's looking and write Baz's name on it, and then keep it in my hand, and put my hand in my pocket. Let's see how she feels when I go in there with Baz, the guy she left me for and even cheated to get with.

As I step back, I look over at Baz again. He seems quite different now, almost bored like he wants to go home as soon as he can. I think about his expression when the bottle landed on him. He truly didn't look like he wanted to kiss her, and the rest of the game, he didn't pay attention to anything at all. Is it possible that he doesn't fancy Agatha and didn't want to kiss her?

Nah, he's probably plotting something, trying to catch me off guard. The bastard.

The game starts and Baz looks just as distant. Looks like he doesn't want to play, and keeps glancing over at Agatha and shows the tiniest hint of a glare. Does he know she pulled something? I wouldn't be surprised if he did, he's really fucking smart.

After about three rounds of the game, I can see Agatha's about to go next so I cut her off. Before she can let out a single word, I go, "I'm next" and she looks shocked, just as she did when Baz pulled away from her when they were kissing. She puts the I don't care at all, you know mask on once again but I know she's bit wary. I look at Baz and he's still not in this world. As I step forward and dip my hand (the one with the chit of paper, I made sure no one could see I was holding something) and act as if I'm pulling out a piece of paper, I have a cool look on my face. I know the paper in my hand has Baz's name on it and when I open it and say Baz, I look over to Agatha to see her reaction.

She looks stupefied, just standing still as the crowd erupts in a huge roar of hooting and cheering. She looks at me and I put on an expression of innocence. She's still horrified when people start pushing Baz my way. He finally snaps out of his dream and looks around with a confuzzled look on his face.

"What? What's happening?" he says, and I say, "I got your name in Seven Minutes In Heaven." I watch as his face contorts from one of confusion to one of bewilderment. Now, he's also stupefied, just like Agatha. He even starts stammering. Baz never stammers. He's always the one yelling at me to 'spit it out'.

The crowd takes notice of this and starts pushing us towards the walk-in closet, whilst ooh and ahh-ing their arses off. I look back at Agatha and the shocked expression has been replaced with a loathing one. She knows I cheated. But who said I cared? I throw her a smug look before getting shoved in the closet. They turn the lights off before closing the door and heading back.

We both stand there awkwardly in the dark for about 20 seconds, silence blanketing over us. Then Baz clears his voice and starts, "Listen, Snow," his tone indicates that he's gotten over his moment of shock and is now back to his senses, "Let's just wait the minutes out, they can't see us so they won't know."

I smirk in the dark. Even though Baz has seemed to found his cool again, he still seems a bit shaky and nervous.

"Well, I don't know about that that," I say as I move closer. I can just make out Baz's figure in the dark and as I take steps forward, he takes steps backward. "I mean, that would be cheating, and that's not right. Shouldn't we follow the game's rules?" I say smugly. I actually have no idea what I'm doing. My plan only intended for us to go into the closet together, but not do anything further. I just wanted Agatha to think we were doing something, to get back at her. But now, my feet and mouth are out of my control. They seem to be saying and doing the things they want, instead of listening to me.

Baz keeps moving further away until his back hits the wall. I smile triumphantly and lean over to his face until we're so close that I can feel his breath on me.

"Snow, what are you d-doing?" I chuckle darkly as I feel him shiver as I move closer to him, and by the look of his face in the dark, he doesn't seem too happy about that either.

Baz

I mentally slap myself for shivering and stuttering in front of Snow. When I was shoved in here, I had some time to comprehend this and figured that despite my shock, we wouldn't be doing anything. I mean, c'mon, Snow's a git, I'm a wanker and we both hate each other. Well, he thinks that I hate him.

I found my voice and told him to just sit it out but then he had this smirk on his face and started moving closer while saying things like we would be cheating if we did that. He has me cornered now, and once again I've lost the ability to think straight or speak. I don't dare open my mouth for fear of accidentally blurting out that I want to do something.

I still can't figure out what he means. Is he saying we should be doing this for the game? Is he toying with me? Does he want to do this? It's definitely not the last one, I know for sure. Then what's he doing?

I'm so wound up in my own thoughts and concerns that I don't notice him sneaking to my ear.

He whispers, "What needs to be done.

Then he kisses me.

I'm absolutely flabbergasted. Snow is kissing me. Snow is kissing me. Simon Snow, the boy I'm in love with, is kissing me! My eyes go back to their normal size as I push at his mouth, kissing him back with as much want as I can muster. He groans, and moves his hands to my hair, lightly tugging on a few strands near my scalp. I practically purr into his mouth at the touch and feel a light smile playing on his lips at my satisfying reaction.

Two can play at this game, I think, and move my hands to his small (A.N: smol) waist and grip it tightly, and feel content when a sigh escapes the confining walls of his mouth. We're full-on snogging now, and I'm still not in my right mind. He's doing this because of the game, isn't he? He definitely is. I mentally shrug as I decide that since this is a one-time thing, I better soak up all the Simon Snow I can. I push harder, turning him over so that he's trapped in the wall, and when he gasps because of the surprise, I slip my tongue in his mouth. He lets out a small mmh and I smile, moving my hands up to cup his cheeks and grab a portion of his bronze locks in each hand. He starts rubbing my stomach and I lean into the touch because it feels so good until-

Bam! The door flies open and suddenly I'm being ripped apart from Snow and the lights are on. I open my eyes, adjusting to the light and realize what we'd just done, eyes widening in shock and cheeks reddening in the embarrassment of being caught. I look up at Snow and see that he's the same, does eyes sparkling wide and cheeks turning an adorable shade of crimson, his freckles being flaunted and lips swollen. The hair is tousled because of when I pulled at it slightly and ran my fingers through it. In this lighting, Snow looks absolutely fucking gorgeous.

I look to the side and see a girl I passed in the hallway sometimes, and Niall and Bunce by her side, and behind them, standing at the door, everyone who was playing this stupid game gaping at us with their mouths half open. I look back and it's Dev who ripped me apart from Snow, his and Niall's face contorting into one of surprise and smugness, smirks decorating their features and a hint of mischief in their eyes. Bunce and everyone else just looks stunned by what they just witnessed the two boys who pick fights all the time in school doing.

Just as suddenly, the blanket of stunned silence is lifted and before I know it, everyone's dragging me out, howling and whistling and saying things like, "You took more than seven minutes so we got curious", "Never knew you had a thing for him, Baz", or "Someone was a bit eager there". I look over at Snow and he's also being bombarded by the people, being teased relentlessly.

We get carried out and people start the game again, but reiteratively, I can't concentrate and this time it seems like Snow can't either. I want to snog him again. I want to do all that again. And more. I want to be with him. But I can't. My chest fills with pain as I remind myself that what we did was just for the game, at least he did it for the game, even if I didn't.

Oh my God, I was probably coming off so strong on him and he probably was just messing with me. Oh no, what if he just wanted to peck me? I completely went overboard if that was the case. Oh Crowley, it's gonna be so awkward with him if that's the case. I can't face him now. I'm despicable in Snow's eyes and he hates me, he obviously just wanted a tiny kiss and I went and snogged him senseless. Aleister Crowley, he probably knows I'm in love with him now. Well, he might think I like him, but not that I'm in love with him. That's good. Oh, I was here thinking Wellbelove was going to cheat and pick me and I was going to have to humiliate myself and her in front of all these people by saying no and this is actually what happened.

Wellbelove. Wellbelove

I look around and my eyes find her. She looks as if she might kill someone. Not someone; Snow. She looks as if she might kill Snow. I was too distracted to notice her in the doorway with the other people, but now that she has my attention, I have to say I'm kind of scared. She looks terrifying like she might join forces with the Humdrum to kill Snow. I can't help but feel a twinge of amusement. She was so desperate to get me but instead, I got Snow. Ha, suck it, Wellbelove.

At the thought of him, I look around some more to find him. My eyes sweep over everyone in the bundle of 8th Years here, yet I can't seem to place him or Bunce. Did they leave already? If they're gone then why the fuck am I staying?

"Looking for your Chosen One, are you?" Dev snickers and Niall joins in from beside me. I feel myself blush, shake it off, look over at them and glare. "No, I'm not, and he's not my Chosen One. That was just a one-time thing, just for this game. And I'd rather not do it again."

"Baz, we know you're in love with him and we know you're looking for him. It's painfully obvious. But anyhow, Bunce dragged him away after you both came out. Probably asked him if he liked it and was fazed by it or not, like you." Niall retorts with a snort.

I feel myself blush harder than before, skin warming. "I was not fazed by it and didn't like it, it was just a bit enjoyable and I got carried away."

"Your burning cheeks say otherwise. Crowley, Baz, you must really like him a lot to be this red. When we tore you both apart, it looked as if you were about to explode. Never seen you like this before, and I have to say, I really like it."

I sneer at them both, but since I'm blushing, it comes out soft and they both coo. Ugh, bloody gits basking in my misery.

I spend the rest of the game pondering over Snow, whether he liked it or not. In the end, I'm sure he was traumatized by my animalistic jump on him and decide that since I've lost face in front of so many people who'll probably send this news to everyone else in school, I may as well start trying to get it back. From tomorrow on, I'll do my best to ignore Snow and this will just go back to normal. Even though I don't want it to.

After the game, I throw a tantrum and say that I want to go back. Dev and Niall just nod and keep making retorts about me and Snow, calling us Snowbaz. I tell them that I hate it and they say that I secretly love it, just like Snow. They're right. But they don't have to know that.

When I'm standing in front of my dorm, about to go in, I wonder if Snow's there and if he's asleep. He has to be, its past midnight and we have classes tomorrow (honestly these people's timings for parties are horrible). I take a deep breath, prepare myself and walk in.

Snow is awake.

He's tucked in bed, feigning sleep but the rhythm of his breathing tells otherwise. Why is he awake? Is he thinking about what happened earlier? If he is, is it bad or good in his mind? I'm too tired to stress over what he's thinking now, so I just get changed, brush my teeth and lay in bed. When I do, he's still awake. I face my back towards him and can feel his gaze burning holes through my skin, not allowing me to fall asleep peacefully.

I softly bring my hand up to my mouth, and finally, it hits. It hits hard.

I snogged Simon Snow.

Simon

Baz just came back from the party. It's kind of surprisingly really, because I figured he'd be too embarrassed to stay there after looking like he did when we got caught. Even though he's a vampire, his cheeks turned shade of red dark enough to spot from a mile away. I don't really know whether I should be saying this or not since I'm pretty sure I was even worse. And ugh everyone saw us. Now this is gonna be the talk of the whole campus and it'll be so awkward with Baz. They'll think that we fancy each other.

I don't fancy Baz.

Or...do I?

I kinda did just spend the evening snogging him, and enjoyed every bit of it. I loved how soft his hair was when I ran my fingers through it; how firm yet tender his lips were; how he gripped my waist and (probably unconsciously) rubbed circles onto it; how he loved it when I started rubbing his tummy and leaned into the touch; how he casually took dominance; how every reaction he got out of me made him grin against my lips; how soft his skin was; how he was incredibly good and knew exactly how to make me drunk off his lips even though I'm sure it was only his second time.

Aleister Crowley, do I like Baz?

I think I do. Why else would I be thinking about all this?

Although I don't think this is the first time I've thought about this. I've definitely thought about running my hands through his hair and gently caressing his face. About how his eyes are a stormy grey, a little green from the edges and contorting into a soft wet pavement colour as you go towards the center. About how he runs his hand through his hair when he's just come back from practice, and his shirt's sticking to him from the sweat, outlining every curve of his abs. About how he looks cute when he's really focused on something like homework or spells. About how his scent of cedar and bergamot makes wherever I currently am feel like home.

Fuck, I have feelings for Baz.

How did I not figure this out earlier? It explains everything now, how his presence kinda felt comfortable and how I followed him around so much in Fifth Year.

This is bad. I like Baz so now I won't be able to kill him. And he hates me.

Maybe I can get over the fact that I can't kill him. But I have feelings for Baz. According to how much I've been obsessed with him over the years and how much I loved snogging him today, I think these feelings are pretty strong, and if Baz finds out about them, he could use it against me.

Of course Baz doesn't like me, I'm his nemesis. But he was snogging me ruthlessly earlier, and—it might just be my imagination—looked a bit disappointed when we were pulled apart. But it was Seven Minutes In Heaven. It was a game. And I, myself, had suggested that we actually do something other than just cheat and wait around. He doesn't like me, he was just doing what I told him to

This is gonna end up really bad. I have tendency to wear my heart out on my sleeve but I can't let Baz find out about this. But...I'm still hesitant. No one kisses like that just for a game. Maybe I should talk to him. I should talk to Penny first though. What would I tell her? Yeah Penny, so remember the vampire that I've been obsessing over for 8 years and keep trying to get him expelled, yeah turns out I have a humongous crush on him.

Whatever, I'll just talk to her tomorrow at breakfast and ask if I should talk to Baz or not about this. That's gonna be so awkward, dear god.

But I don't have to think about that now. I can just revel in the fact that Baz is a few yards away from me, sleeping. Well, at least I think he's sleeping. I dare to open my eyes a bit, hoping to get a peek at Baz's face, but to my dismay he's turned away from me. Instead, I open my eyes fully and let them roam over his back, taking in every muscle pressing against the fabric of his shirt.

I have broader shoulders than him, but he's taller. Taller by 3 inches, the bastard. I had to purposely stand on my tiptoes when I was arguing with him.

I quietly, as not to let Baz know I'm awake, bring my hand up and lightly caress my lips. I kissed Baz. Merlin and Morgana, I kissed Baz. Wow. And I loved it. And I want to do it again, although I really doubt he would let me.

I let my sleepiness overcome my body and drift off to sleep while thinking of Baz.

chap 2, chap 3 (last chap)

[hellimagines]

Love and Death -- Patrick Hockstetter

Masterlist

Request: “Hi I didn’t know where to request but could I pretty please with a cherry on top have an imagine of reader looking back at times of her and Patrick before he died and kind of working their way up to how she reacted to his death. I’m bad at explaining it but would you please be able to kind of song prompt it to the acoustic version of Katy Perry’s ‘The One That Got Away’ (listen to it while thinking of Pat it will bring you to tears. I don’t know if I did this right but if I didn’t explain it enough just send me a message. :) - @realclassact  ”

Summary: You and Patrick were June and Johnny. Nothing could separate that, except love and death.

Warnings: angst, major character death

Pairing: Patrick Hockstetter x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,130

A/N: The timeline is different than the movie/book, so RIP that. Also, I left out some of the song, because I figured it wouldn’t work with the rest of the story.

Summer after high school

When we first met

We make out in your Mustang

To Radiohead

Patrick Hockstetter was a concoction of chaos. You had been friends with him, and the rest of the self-proclaimed Bowers Gang since the beginning of sixth grade. It wasn’t as hard as everyone made it seem to run with the Gang. A couple sly smirks, a roll of the eyes, and being able to watch as they pummeled their latest victim. A lack of moral and a lot of patience scored you your spot in the group. And you loved it.

You were closest to Patrick, out of all of the boys. He was the one who dragged you into the group in the first place. So nobody was truly surprised when they found out that the summer after 8th grade, you and Patrick got together. It was early June, and the five of you were outside Mr.Keene’s, arguing over what to steal, and what to buy. You needed tampons, but none of the boys were willing to steal you any. And Patrick needed a pack of smokes, but nobody was willing to steal those, either. So, the two of you came to a deal.

“I’ll get you your fucking cigarettes if you get me my damn tampons,” you said to Patrick, staring him down with a glare. An oh-so-familiar, wicked smirk crossed his face as he dragged his eyes up and down your form.

“Fine… if you kiss me,” he bargained triumphantly, winking at the boys. You had never shown any interest in a boy, or a girl for that matter, so all the boys figured you were a stuck-up prude. Needless to say, Patrick’s eyes almost fell out of his head when you leaned over and gave him a long, rough kiss to the lips.

Whooping and hollering echoed from the Trans Am as Patrick pulled you closer, having you practically straddle his lap. Vic coughed and groaned in the corner, desperately trying to shrink into the seats. You pulled away from Patrick with a grin and bit your lip as you shook your head.

“Better get me my fucking shit, Hockstetter,” you whispered, before crawling out of his lap, and slipping through the front seat to leave the car. Henry, Vic, and Patrick were quick to follow (Belch staying back as the getaway), and the four of you made your way inside.

“We’ll create the diversion, you two grab the shit,” Henry ordered, and all of you nodded.

You and Patrick mingled in one aisle, while Henry and Vic made their way to the back corner of the store. With a simple shove from Henry, Vic was toppling into the shelves and displays, knocking everything to the floor. At the sound of a crash, and the sight of two ragged boys, Mr.Keene was all-but jumping over the counter and rushing over. You took your chance and dashed to the counter, grabbing four packs and hastily shoving them into your pockets. Patrick grabbed your tampons, and a few other things, before grabbing ahold of your hand and pulling you out of the store. You two jumped into the Trans Am quickly, and a few seconds later, Vic and Henry came dashing out of the store, grins on their faces as they too jumped in.

Radiohead’s ‘Everybody Knows’ blasted through Belch’s radio as the car sped down Mainstreet, while you and Patrick pulled out your stealings. You tossed the smokes at Patrick, and he tossed you your tampons, as well as a chocolate bar, before giving Henry, Vic, and Belch their desired items. You smiled at the chocolate in your hands, before grabbing Patrick by the back of the neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

“Hm, guess this is a thing now,” Patrick snickered against your lips, before pulling you closer while the rest of the boys groaned in disapproval.

And on my eighteenth birthday

We got matching tattoos

It was your sixteenth birthday, and as you sat in Patrick’s basement, shirt-sleeves pulled up, you couldn’t have been happier. You and Patrick had been together for three years now, and as a birthday present, Patrick had gotten his hands on a tattoo machine. He had given the boys tattoo’s a while ago, but you could never decide what you truly wanted- so you never got one. Until now. You were getting a lighter on your shoulder, and Patrick was going to give himself a can of hairspray on his thigh, to symbolize your relationship.

“Ready?” Patrick asked, pressing the needle of the gun against your shoulder. With an affirmative nod, Patrick got to work. Two hours later, you and Patrick were supporting matching tattoos, chaotic grins on both of your faces.

Used to steal your parents’ liquor

And climb to the roof

Talk about our future

Like we had a clue

A few months later, you and Patrick found yourselves on top of his roof, a bottle of Grey Goose and Jack Daniels placed between the two of you.

“Whiskey and vodka is not a good mix,” you shuddered, taking another sip of the amber liquid.

“Grey Goose is your favorite though,” Patrick hummed, gulping down said liquor.

You nodded, watching him with a smile. “Yeah, and ‘Daniels is yours.”

“You know me so well,” Patrick purred, moving the bottles so he could tug you to lay down with him.

After a few minutes of silence, your mouth began to move of its own accord. “What do you think college will be like?” Patrick looked over at you, startled at your sudden question.

“Fuck if I know,” Patrick shrugged, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to lay on his chest.

“Are you going to go to college?”

“Probably not. But with you, little Ms. Harvard, I may just hitch a ride to Massachusetts with ya,” Patrick snickered, and you huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah? You and the boys sneakin’ into my dorm?”

“Sneaking? Oh no, we’d all live with you.”

“Oh, that’s just bloody fantastic, really. You all better get jobs,” you sighed, shaking your head in mock-disapproval. Patrick grinned down at you and squeezed your body against his.

“Whatever keeps ya around.”

I was June

You were my Johnny Cash

Never one without the other

We made a pact

Everybody knew, that where ever you were, Patrick Hockstetter was sure to be right behind you: he’d be at your locker, waiting for you after every class, he and the boys would walk you to every class, and pick you up every morning, and at the end of every day. For six whole years, it was (Y/N) and the boys, and then (Y/N) and Patrick.

You remembered the day you realized you were in love with Patrick Hockstetter. You had been sitting on the hood of the Trans Am, beside Vic, watching Patrick and Henry square off in a beer-drinking competition. It was probably midnight, and there was a heavy bonfire going, thanks to yourself. You had been watching Patrick closely; the way his head tilted back to allow the alcohol to slide down his throat, the way his long, black hair was tossed out behind his shoulders, a few stray strands sticking to his wet face, the way his over-shirt hung loosely around his black tank-top. It was all too perfect, and quickly, your heart stopped.

“Vic,” you suddenly whispered, turning to him in a flash, with wide, fearful eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with Patrick Hockstetter, and this is the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through in my life. It is like I’m in a ring of fire, and I’m never coming out. I’m going down, down to the bottom of this thing. It’s going to kill me, because I would never have the nerve to tell him, nor do I want to tell him, and I know he’d never love me back.”

“(Y/N), you fucking idiot,” Vic whispered back, his own eyes wide. “Of course Patrick cares about you, in his own fucked up way. But love? I don’t think he even knows what that is.”

“That’s my point! I just signed a one-way ticket to hell,” you whined, slamming your face into your hands. Vic reached over and rubbed your shoulders, biting his lip while looking between you and Patrick.

All this money

Can’t buy me a time machine

Can’t replace you

With a million rings

It didn’t take long after your realization, for things to go downhill. You had confessed to Patrick about how you truly felt, and as expected, it went up in flames.

“No, you can’t love me,” Patrick ordered, sticking a finger in your face.

“But I do and I know you don’t love me back, but it’s fine, okay? I don’t want this to come between us!”

“It already has, (Y/N). I can’t be with you, knowing that you love me. That’s not how this works,” Patrick snarled, before he was marching out of your house, and out of your life.

Looking back on that day, you wished you could change it all. Your fingers lazily twirled the ring on your index finger, the one Patrick had given you a year prior. You were sat in class, slouched in your chair, and hands in your lap. It had been a few weeks since the breakup, and it was now mid-September. Kids were still going missing left-and-right, and you had almost forgotten about all of it, being so caught up with the boys.

But then, you saw the posters.

I should’ve told you

What you meant to me

Cause now I pay the price

Your heart shattered, into a million unfixable pieces. Your body stood frozen, staring up in absolute horror at the piece of paper stapled to the lamppost.

Patrick was missing.

Patrick had joined the other dozens of Derry kids that had been taken the past year. Patrick, the love of your life, was gone. You showed up at Vic’s house, in absolute hysterics, not even bothering to say ‘hello’ to Henry and Belch, who were sat on the couch. Your eyes were swollen, cheeks inflamed, and nose running. You couldn’t form words, you didn’t know what to even say. So, you let Vic pull you into his arms, in a desperate attempt to shush and console you. Belch joined in, hugging you from behind, while Henry stood to your side, hesitantly petting your hair.

“We’ll get him back, (Y/N), okay? You know we will,” Vic whispered, kissing the top of your head. You shook your head furiously, a quiet gasp escaping your lips.

“No, no. Something is different. Something is wrong,” you cried, hands balled into fists as you tried to quiet your sobs. Something wasn’t right, you just knew it.

In another life

I would be your girl

We’d keep all our promises

Be us against the world

In another life

I would make you stay

So I don’t have to say

You were the one

That got away

Your whole body was numb. From the tips of your ears to the bottom of your toes, everything was numb. You weren’t filled with icy rage anymore or boiling sadness. Everything was just gone. Just like Patrick.

“We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss of Mr.Patrick Hockstetter. At the young age of 17…” You zoned out once the pastor started preaching, your eyes hazing over to Patrick’s closed casket. You sat between Henry and Vic, your hands fisting the skirt of your dress until your knuckles turned white.

It didn’t seem like anybody in the church was actually crying. Patrick’s mother and father sat at the end of the pew, holding one another’s hands, solemnly looking at their final son, laid to rest. Patrick’s relatives sat in the pews next to, and behind you, none of them shedding tears. Patrick had never gotten along well with his family, other than his one grandmother, who passed away a few years back. Henry, Vic, and Belch had sat as your support beams the past few weeks, letting you lean, cry, and punch on them when you needed to. So now, as they sat by you, they looked like soldiers returning from war, but ready for another one to begin. If your body didn’t feel so foreign, you probably would’ve been crying.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Patrick was gone and had left you behind. Your last moments together was a fight that should’ve never happened. And now, you were never going to see him again. Never touch him again. Never kiss him again. Never love him again. Because Patrick was the one that got away, and he was never coming back.

[raw-output]

20 Years.

Two-thirds of a lifetime ago, a ten-year-old boy in a scratchy wool sweater sat huddled under an old down blanket. The first proper snow of the season had come the week before, and the boy hadn’t been dressed for building forts. Now here he was - bored, sick and sweaty. His mother entered the room with a mug of undrinkably hot milk with honey and butter. In her other hand was an issue of GAME.EXE, a computer gaming magazine. The words “HALF-LIFE” were plastered across the bottom of the cover. The boy loved reading, and loved computers, and the milk needed time to cool off anyway. He opened the magazine and flipped to page 8 after finding it in the table of contents. The boy grew older and switched languages, countries and continents, but his favorite game never changed.

-

It’s hard to compress two decades into text, but I will attempt to do so when it comes to my relationship with the Half-Life series that began all those years ago, with that preview article in that magazine.

The article  was written in a second-person perspective that really stuck out to me, and was filled with screenshots that would later turn out to be of an unreleased rough beta version of the game. It ran through several dramatized, episodic descriptions of events in the game, then listed out the weapons used in the game, the enemies you would face and the tactics to deal with them. Finally, there was an interview with Marc Laidlaw himself. This single article was sufficient to make me completely insufferable to my parents for the next few months. “I want to play Half-Life,” I would say. At first, this meant asking to go to an Internet cafe a few blocks away from home, and for money to pay by the hour and use one of their beefy gaming PCs. Later on, it meant asking for a copy of the game, and for time on the “main” home computer - the only machine that could run the game at all, in glorious 320x240 resolution that gave me headaches.

-

A couple of years passed. The move to the US threw everything into a pleasant state of disarray, but the one thing that hadn’t changed was having to ask my parents to use the computer to play Half-Life. I had found one of my own soon after arriving in the States, but it had no sound card. It was there, on my mother’s computer, that I finally beat the game. My thirteenth birthday present was a copy of the newly released Opposing Force expansion. My birthday cake featured an edible photo of myself playing in a fountain in downtown Chicago, which my mother doodled over with brightly colored frosting. I was now knee-deep in toxic green sludge, a crowbar in one hand, and a proud Lambda logo on my chest.

Most kids in my 8th and 9th grade classes didn’t share my enthusiasm for Half-Life. They played console games and were rightfully hyped about the Playstation 2 and X-Box. In search of like-minded people, I took to the Internet. My options for getting online in 2001 were limited to libraries - either during lunch at school, or at the Naperville Public Library, which was a hour-long walk from home. I discovered Planet Half-Life, an offshoot of the Gamespy network. Through it, I discovered the fact that my favorite game was designed from the ground up to be moddable. I learned of Counter-Strike, Team Fortress Classic, and Sven Co-op. I discovered the Handy Vandal’s Almanac and The Snarkpit, two communities focused on level design. Having no reliable internet at home, I downloaded the level editor - then called Worldcraft - onto a floppy drive and brought it home to install. For the first time, I wasn’t simply playing the game. My parents looked on as I worked to figure out the obtuse user interface, trying to remember what I’d read earlier in the day. They raised their eyebrows when I finally managed to compile and run my first level - a hollow, unlit concrete box 512 units across with a single prefab trashcan hovering in the center. There wasn’t much more I could do in the limited time I was allowed to use the good computer, but I had caught the bug. My notebooks were filled with doodles of level layouts, my mind filled with cheesy storylines to match.

Eventually my family moved to a house with proper internet access, and I got a set of hardware with enough power under the hood to run both the game and the editor. It could even produce sound! All the things I could only read and salivate about were now within my reach, and I gorged myself on them. Counter-Strike quickly fell by the wayside, but Team Fortress and Sven Co-Op did not. Natural Selection came out and blew me away with how different a Half-Life mod could look and feel from the original game. I stayed up past midnight, playing, building, and playing some more. I learned that projects can die - when the extremely tongue-in-cheek Scientist Slaughterhouse mod went silent.

The release of the Half-Life 2 trailer took everybody by surprise. I had called one of my like-minded friends and we synch-watched it together, pausing every few minutes to let the video buffer and gush about how amazing everything looked and how much we were looking forward to messing with the modding toolkit. The subsequent beta leak and resulting delays taught me to be patient.

The move to California was not long after, and my patience was immediately put to the test as most of my belongings were stuck with the moving company, including my computer. I must have gone through a full pack of printer paper in less than a month, drawing up concepts and layouts for Xen Rebels, a mod centered around a semi-peaceful human colonization of the realm set after the events of Half-Life. Once my computer arrived, it was right back to the late nights and groggy mornings for me. Our home Internet was bad but workable, and I spent countless hours with the new and more creative mods that were being released, including The Specialists - a strong attempt to recreate the gun-fighting and martial arts stylings of Hong-Kong action movies in a multiplayer game. Around the same time I was introduced to the strange new world of anime, and decided that I simply must change the two throwable knives offered by The Specialists into kunai and throwing needles. This of course required me to learn 3D modelling. At the time, this was done with Milkshape 3D, a model editor compatible with most contemporary game formats. Once again, countless hours of figuring out the interface and the workflow followed, set to the calming tones of the Unreal, Deus Ex and Half-Life soundtracks. Creating models felt a lot more freeform than levels as I wasn’t constrained to a unit grid or forced to use convex geometry, and one day the new throwing weapons were in. I published the modified models on a forum to exactly zero fanfare. Around the same time, I began learning the basics of Photoshop in school, so modelling and texturing went hand in hand. To say my early textures were atrocious would be an affront to honest, hard-working atrocious textures the world over, but I continued my studies. My experience with working in 3D even netted me a 2nd place award at the school art contest - money which I immediately put back into upgrading my computer.

Half-Life 2 came out in November of 2004, to universal praise and celebration. I received the collector’s edition as a present for New Year, along with a copy of Raising The Bar. I beat the game the same morning, without a wink of sleep between unwrapping my present and the final darkness of the credits screen. The SDK didn’t ship with the game, but as soon as it was released I dove in. Soon after, the modding community blossomed, bigger and more vibrant than the original game’s, driven by the incredible flexibility of the engine. One of the first mods that appeared was made by a British man named Garry, and was called simply that, “Garry’s Mod”. It let players interact with the physics engine, and slowly sprouted more and more features. Many players used these features to pose character ragdolls, eventually creating entire comic series with storylines ranging from the comedic non-sequitur to dark and serious. Of course I felt the need to try my hand at it. That lead to the creation of The Plane - the story of Beet, a Combine Elite who managed to break free of his overseers’ indoctrination and find friendship, love, and revenge on his old masters. The only redeeming feature of that story was that it taught me how not to write stories.

I began getting more attached to the Gmod community than the expressly level design one at The Snarkpit. The few levels I publicly released were designed specifically as sandboxes to play and build in. The most popular ones were gm_orbit and rp_bahamut, maps set in space and featuring zero gravity for physical objects, allowing players to build smaller spaceships, or roleplay as the crew of a salvage and exploration vessel. Posting teaser images on the forums taught me a valuable lesson - what it felt like to be the one creating hype, instead of experiencing it. The constant demands were overwhelming. Some would simply want more work-in-progress screenshots. Others would drop ultimatums that unless a certain feature was designed a certain way, they would refuse to use the map. Others yet attempted to worm their way into getting the map early, offering to test it and provide feedback. I had almost deleted each project multiple times before finally releasing it.

Life happened, and things with Half-Life slowed down. When the Orange Box came out in 2006, I attempted to get it at a five-finger discount at a local Target. I got caught. Indirectly thought it was, Half-Life taught me that idiocy often leads to consequences. Buying it legitimately later in the year and playing through Episode Two reminded me that some stories aren’t written to end neatly.

It was in 2007 that I bought a membership for the Something Awful forums, and discovered an avid and very exclusive community of Gmod players. Over the course of the following decade, most of these people remained in constant contact with me, and will probably remain so for the foreseeable future. I became an admin once we opened our serves to the public - moderating the newcomers and mentoring the unskilled. One of the people had a project in mind, and I began creating models again. Miraculously, Milkshape 3D remained compatible with the Source engine, so I worked with it until I learned Maya. This project would eventually become known as Armored Combat Framework, and be released to the Gmod community at large. I learned how to iterate designs based on feedback, and how it felt to work in a well organized team.

Frontier happened around 2010, and was another lesson in teamwork - specifically what happens when things break down without role redundancy. Ambitions ran high, and the hype mounted. The programmer eventually left, and all that remains of the project is the very videos and images that were used to hype it in the first place, and a folder full of now-useless models, maps and textures. That was probably what prompted me to start pulling away from Half-Life and Gmod in general.

Black Mesa came out in 2012 and breathed a new life into my old obsession. I played through the original Half-Life again, then through the remake, noting the differences and the tweaks to make the gameplay more palatable to modern-day players. It felt good, like putting on an old but comfortable jacket. I’d fire up the SDK now and then, mostly to help newer, more driven designers. Two of the guys from Team Frontier went on to work in the industry full-time. There were whispers of a new game in the works, minor leaks of file and folder names hidden away in Valve projects. Episode 3 turned into Half-Life 3. A full sequel, rather than another short episode, as originally planned. “HL3 Confirmed” became a meme, but the people at the top remained silent.

Life kept happening, as it does. I lost people, I found people. I left home. Every now and then I’d fire up HL or BM again, or drop by the old Gmod server. I’d build things and model things, and release none of it to the public. I watched as the Dota International became the most widely spectated event in gaming, making players, sponsors, and Valve millions. The realization slowly started settling in. Then Marc Laidlaw retired, and later posted the Epistle. The workers at Valve spoke of a lack of direction and stagnation that comes with a cornered market. Modding for an engine over a decade old, no matter how advanced, slowed down.

It’s a different world now. Unity and Unreal engines rule the scene. Survival and Battle Royale have become the new buzzwords. Microtransactions. Loot boxes. Streaming integration. Freemium. E-Sports. Mobile gaming. Virtual Reality. If a new Half-Life were to appear today, would it be changed by the zeitgeist, or would it stay the course set by its predecessors? I don’t know. But there’s one thing that the escapades of a mute, bespectacled research associate have taught me more than anything else: hope.

[guiisooooo-blog]

Love in 15 years

This is all true btw and all names remain anonymous. Love can erupt anywhere, anytime, and with anyone. My love started at the young age of 5. My first taste of love started when we talked in the same class. We started as friends, but i felt something different compared to my other guy friends. It was a feeling like no other. My heart would tremble and fall at her knees. I remember wanting to have her as mine and mourning for her to be with me, but the standards of my fellow classmates and society turned against me. They would forced me to play with them instead of letting me be with her. My bottled up emotions and frustration were taken out onto another girl and I ended up doing something i would regret for years to come. So much so that I would regret saying it even now. Fast forward to first grade and I had to transfer schools. The same girl from kindergarten had come to the same class. I knew it was destiny and I had to take action. This time I took part in the wrong crowd to try and impress her. I changed my look. I started to wear jordans and picked fights. All this did was leave the girl I wanted to impress with a disgusted look and and left a bad taste with her. I was devastated. Time passes and I continued with my look. With my ruined educational reputation, I took a test to transfer into the GT program. I easily passed and took the opportunity. A restart; something to get me out from the old. I needed this. 4th grade and I was in the new program. This was the time when childhood happiness was taken away from me. My mother was away for surgery and the intense workload on my lazy self had me in despair. I wasn't interested in anything and almost never went outside anymore. I hear the doorbell ring. It was my was one of my friends from the 2nd grade. He asked if I wanted to come over and hang out with another person. I jumped on the idea not having gone out in a while. Little did I know I would come to regret this decision. I came to his house with his other friend who lived close by and we played around in his basement. Most of my audience should be aware of what happens in the basement, but my 10 year old self didn’t know. My friend suggest we play a horror game with the lights off, and that is where it started to head south. It was a game similar to hide and seek, but in a small pitch dark room. We would try and find each other and make them afraid. The 3rd round in I started in my corner spot and the lights turned off. Nothing was different than the other rounds. I felt my way around things when suddenly one of my friends jumped on top of me and pulled his trousers down. He dragged himself, lewd and predatory, onto my face. The other friend saw this action and proceeded to do the same to join in on the fun. I was violated and never looked at another male the same way. I dragged myself through the rest of elementary school and went onto a new part of my life; middle school. 6th grade started and the same I noticed the same girl from kindergarten. The same girl I wanted to have. She was like an addiction that I couldn’t get away from. I idolized her in every way, in a similar fashion to a crazy fan. And in the same way as a crazy fan , I physically distanced myself from her and then somewhere along the way, emotionally as well. Looking back it was a simple infatuation. Something I saw as destiny and something I thought I was entitled to was boiled down to lust. Summer after 6th grade my mother started working and didn’t want me left alone so she signed me up for a summer camp. I resisted this idea but reluctantly ended up going. I met someone there. A girl to be more accurate. She was cute, talented, and shared similar tastes to mine. A “perfect” girl. She ended up confessing to me on the gym bleachers nearing the end of camp. I was surprised and didn’t know what to do. I tried to stay oblivious, but some of my feelings would seep through. It was the last day of camp and I mustered the courage to do something. I heartbroken to learn that she had moved away. It was even more painful that she would have gone to the same school as me. In the end I would have to same regrets as most; not doing enough. During the 7th grade, my interest in girls reached a peak. One girl took advantage of me. There was a party over the summer and she cuddled up next to me on the couch. The same day she confessed to me over text. I agreed because of the peak of my interest, but the relationship quickly ended because the agreement was on a whim. 8th grade and I met this girl through my friends. I didn’t know she went to my school because we had no classes together. We started texting over skype when I asked her how to be “cool”. We kept on messaging each other and the conversation would drag on to longer than I would usually stay awake. We would also start conversing during lunch time. While we were playing league My friends started to talk about who this girl liked. I myself got curious and I said I would stay up 48 hours to hear who she liked. Hour one started and I kept her updated throughout the entire 2 day I remember I said something she let me guess at who she liked twice before it started and I guess some random asian guy and them one of my friends I played league with. Both were wrong. I remember saying something during the first half completely oblivious to her feelings towards me. She asked me why I was staying up to find out who she liked and I told her “I was going to make a joke about liking her but stop myself”. It makes me sad that someone could be that oblivious. I would anticipate her texts. She was my salvation from loneliness and I longed for her. After texting for so long I imagine it was natural that i developed feelings, but I didn’t know what I felt. Was it love, competition, or nothing more than pure friendship? She left me in a confused state and I left me wanting more and more from her. We kept talking and talking during the whole experience. I recall catching a cold and she let me take 2 hours off. I offered her a couple IOU’s that she still hasn't spent yet. I finished the challenge and I slept for the next couple hours. After Waking up after my deep slumber one of my league friends tried to convince me that she liked me. I disregarded that fact. Holy shit I was oblivious. A couple hours later I found out the truth. My friend was right. The text hit me right in the heart; “its u”. I was breath taken and didn’t know what to respond with. I regret responding with something as disgusting as “nice 1”. Later I would ask her if she wanted to pursue a relationship with me when the underlying truth was I wanted to start one with her. She agreed and an awkward mess would be born from it. We would continue texting and interacting as if nothing happened. A couple days later I asked her why she liked me. This message would stay with me for the duration of our relationship.”so i like u because i think ur sweet and funny and i like ur personality and i think ur cute” I finally started something and I didn’t want to fuck it up. I played it safe and let her do what I thought she wanted, but I should have done more. I wanted to do more. I was immature and when I looked at other couples I became jealous. After summer started we haven't gone a single date and I described it as “engaged in a romantic relationship” instead of “dating”. This description can describe why I broke up with her. I thought that I couldn’t get anywhere from the point that we were at right now. My immaturity lead to me calling it more of a break than a break up. 9th grade started and I was forced to see the girl that I had broke up with. We exchanged mediocre small talk and shallow facial expressions. I avoided her for awhile until my emotions erupted. I asked if she hated me. She said that she didn’t but I wasn’t so sure. She explained that it was a misunderstanding and she thought that it was what I wanted. The misunderstanding was cleared to a degree and we continued onward with a more friendly relationship. The same confusing feelings started to bubble up to a steam. Christmas was approaching and I had to find a gift for one of my friends.She lived near the store so I decided to bring her a coffee with my friend after I had finished shopping. It was a caramel macchiato;sweet and warming. I stayed at her house for a bit and played some games, but whenever I looked at her I would feel my heart would get excited and I wanted keep my eyes locked onto her. Valentines day was approaching and I had my chance to prove my worth. She agreed to go on a date with me after a bit of pleading. The day arrived and I bought a box of donuts to start a conversation. She declined however. I assumed she already had a few. No words were said afterwards. The bus ride there I didn’t even sit next to her. A couple friends were there with us which made the experience even more awkward than it would have been. The date just consisted of us getting frozen yogurt and talking. It ended with her walking across the street into a different space. A space unreachable by me. I thought I had grown, but it turns out I was the same as before; an immature little boy. I was disappointed in myself and I didn’t want to continue the pursuit because I now knew the truth. I simply wasn’t ready. March came along and the girl I used to want started dating someone else. One of my best friends no less. It left me with a sour and jealous taste in my mouth, but it taught me a valuable lesson. Don’t be a little bitch.