#we need more projects with these two together!

[katsu28]

connection

pairing: max verstappen x reader

summary: when a holiday gala that neither you nor max want to be at brings two people from vastly different worlds together, you find out that you might have more in common with the four time world champion than you think you do. (3.6k)

warnings: swearing, creepy men (not max don’t worry)

a/n: day three with max :) somewhere along the way this became less of a holiday fic and more of me projecting onto my characters but fuck it we ball! 

You don’t want to be here. 

Truthfully, toting around trays of champagne flutes and painfully tiny hors d'oeuvres to fancy rich people is the last place you want to be on a Saturday night, but your friend had roped you into working this event with her and you need the extra money a holiday event pays, so here you are. 

You’re not even sure what exactly it is either. All you know is that it’s some gala for folks in a totally different tax bracket than you, and you need to be on your best behavior—which, you’ll admit, isn’t your strong suit.

Your loved ones would say your headstrong, take-no-shit personality is one of your admirable qualities, but you know they only say that because they know the real you. 

These people don’t. They don’t need to. All they need from you is whatever you’ve got on the silver platter you’re holding. 

You glide through the crowd like a woman on a mission, turning up the charm to an eleven to get rid of these beef tartare crostinis as fast as you can. 

It’s part of the job description, but apparently some of these old men think you’re throwing yourself at them. The amount of ass patting bordering on groping, and sleazy comments about how you’re young enough to be their daughters you’ve had to endure in the last few hours is astonishing, and not in a good way. 

What you want to do is slam them upside the head with your tray, but you can’t. So you grin and bear it, redirecting their leering as best you can without causing a scene. What a way to start the festive season…not. 

Soon enough you’re out of food and you’re glad for it, because it grants you even just a little reprieve when you return to the kitchen. 

“I swear to god, I’m gonna punch one of those old fucks,” You fume, having just pushed through the adjoining door leading from the ballroom. 

Your friend offers an amused snort from where she’s waiting on a refill of stuffed figs. “Yeah, don’t do that, probably.” 

“They’re disgusting.” 

“They’re entitled.” 

“Okay, so they’re disgusting and entitled. God, the nerve!” 

“Y’know what, maybe you should take your break now? Cool off a little bit before you rip someone's throat out and get us both fired?” She tips her chin towards your hands, and when you look down, your fists are clenched. You’ve got them clenched so tight your nails are starting to dig crescent shaped divots in your palm. Any tighter and you’re sure to draw blood. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s—I’m gonna go,” You mutter. You can’t afford to be dismissed from the event and lose out on the payday. The best thing to do is find somewhere quiet, somewhere you can be alone and settle your temper. 

-------

Max doesn’t want to be here. 

Truthfully, milling around shaking hands and making small talk with these people is the last thing he wants to be doing on a Saturday night, but he has obligations to fulfill, appearances he needs to make to cast Red Bull in an admirable light in this season of giving, so here he is. 

His suit is expensive but itchy, the starched collar of his crisp button up pulled too tight around his neck. What he wants to do is rip it off and go home to his cats, but he can’t.

So he grins and bears it, summoning all his years of PR training to get through the next few hours as best he can. 

“Max, there you are!” His press officer materializes right next to him, clamping a hand down on his arm. He bristles a bit at the sudden touch, but it soon dissipates as he realizes it just means he has yet another hand to shake and conversation to make. “There’s some people you should meet with. They’re from one of our smaller sponsors, but important nonetheless. Think you should have a conversation, find some common ground.” 

“Do I have to?” The question is a moot point, but Max feels the need to ask anyway. Just in case the answer has changed since the last time he asked. When all they do is fix him to the spot with a deadpan look, he sighs. “Yeah, heard. Lead the way.” 

Small talk comes easily to him at this point, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t mind numbingly boring listening to the two middle aged men go on and on about something Max couldn’t care less about. 

To the untrained eye, it would appear that he’s listening intently, feeding into their words with every carefully timed nod of the head. A chuckle here, a smile there. All the while, he’s itching to get away. The itch grows and grows and grows until Max can’t take it anymore.

He has to go somewhere. Anywhere other than here. 

Before he can second guess his gut feeling, he excuses himself quickly and expertly, making his way carefully through the crowd and towards the nearest exit. Another glass of champagne couldn’t hurt, so he snags one off a tray on his way out, sipping on it leisurely as he searches for a place to be alone. 

That’s how he finds himself outside in this open area looking over the water, somewhere completely empty and quiet, save for the slight breeze sending tiny waves splashing against the rocks below. 

Max sheds his jacket, undoes the first few buttons of his pressed shirt so he doesn’t feel like he’s being choked anymore. His chin tips towards the sky, eyes scanning the sky above. 

The moon is out in full swing tonight, hanging big and bright in the sky, illuminating the beautiful architecture around him. Max has always liked the moon. It represents success and fulfillment and power, but also has an element of mystery to it. He thinks that, in a way, the moon is kind of like him. 

He doesn’t know how long he stays here, just knows that he doesn’t want to go back inside. Finds himself dreading it, actually. Knows that inevitably he’ll have to make his return, but he’ll delay it as long as he can before someone comes looking for him.  

The sound of a heavy door creaking open draws his attention a little while later, and it makes him sigh. Looks like his time hiding out here is over. He pushes off the pillar he’s leaning on, ready to spin some half assed excuse, but then he hears it.

“Fuck!” You bite out, letting the door slam behind you. The empty area provides an echo to your dramatics. 

Max peers wide eyed around at the sudden expletive, spotting you across the way. So…definitely not his press officer. You’re already pacing back and forth, hands on your hips as you shake your head. 

He should say something, right? Announce his presence? 

He’s about to, but then you start muttering to yourself, something about old rich men thinking they can do whatever they want just because they have money. Colored by a plethora of choice swear words, you look and sound entirely pissed off. 

Probably best to leave you alone for the time being. He doesn’t know you, but he knows anger, and yours has a fire that almost rivals his. You’re also very pretty, but he pushes that thought aside for the time being. 

For the first time tonight, Max’s interest is piqued. Even so, he feels like he’s encroaching on something too personal, too private for anyone else’s ears. 

Maybe he can sneak away undetected? 

He doesn’t remember the champagne glass he’d set down until his foot hits it, and then it’s too late. Thankfully it doesn’t shatter, but the clinking against the cobblestones as it rolls away gives him up automatically. Your head snaps towards his general vicinity, eyes going wide with fear. 

Max imagines it’s probably scary for you to think you’re alone and realize that you’re not, and he’s not a monster. He has no choice but to step out from the shadows, raising a hand in awkward greeting. “...Hi.” 

“Jesus. Shit. Uh, I didn’t know anyone was out here,” You breathe, already slipping back into that carefully practiced professionality. Embarrassment and a little bit of shame runs through you at the same time as realization blooms of who this man is. Everyone knows Max Verstappen is, and you just cussed out his colleagues big time. Oh, you’re so getting fired. “Sorry you had to see that, Mr. Verstappen.” 

Max waves a hand in the air with a shake of his head. “Please, we don’t have to do that. Call me Max.”

It feels a little wrong to do so, but you oblige. “Right. Well, sorry you had to witness that, Max.” 

“Oh, that was nothing. Plus, god knows I’ve done worse.” Somehow, that doesn’t make you feel any better. Max steps out a little further into the light, stooping down to grab the rolling glass before it gets too far. “Is everything alright? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Does it look like everything is alright?” You shoot back, throwing your hands up into the air. Then you remember just who the fuck you’re talking to and you freeze. “Sorry! I am so sorry, I—” You take a deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment. Max isn’t who you’re mad at. This has nothing to do with him at all. “You didn’t do anything, I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on you. I apologize. Again.” 

Max feels his lips quirk into a smile. He doesn’t remember the last time someone had spoken back at him like that. It’s actually quite refreshing. “No need. Probably very warranted too. I’ve been told I’m quite a good listener, if you need to let things out.” 

“I shouldn’t,” You sigh, pressing your lips together. Max raises a questioning brow. “It would be extremely unprofessional.” 

“You’ve just caught me out here hiding from doing my job. I think we’re past professionalism at this point,” He snorts. He takes a seat on one end of the concrete bench nearest, tipping his head towards the empty space next to him. “The floor is yours.” 

You explain your situation as best you can without getting too heated again, half expecting Max to grow defensive of his acquaintances—they always do. 

It’s a pleasant surprise when he does nothing of the sort. Instead he calls them all assholes, along with some other choice words you won’t dare repeat. He apologizes for them, says he’ll do his best to remedy the situation, but you’re sure all it’ll do is make things worse if he gets involved. 

“So…that’s why I’m out here. What’s your excuse?” You finish, letting your shoulders drop. It feels nice to get all of that off your chest for once, and to someone who actually gives a shit. 

Max sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. It probably makes it stick up at all odd angles, but he can’t bring himself to care. “I don’t really like these things. Talking to people, making small talk—between you and me, it’s the worst part of the job. Not my thing.” 

“You like to do your talking on the track,” You supply. 

Max lets out a sharp exhale, leaning back against his palms to regard you with careful amusement. “You watch?” 

“No, but I think I’d have to be living under a rock not to know a little bit about it. About you.” 

“And…what do you think you know about me?” He tilts his chin up almost in challenge, as if he’s daring you to analyze him. 

Challenge accepted. 

“I think you’re lonely.” 

A surprised laugh escapes from his mouth. He certainly wasn't expecting it, but quite enjoys your forwardness. “Well, that was unexpected. Why do you think that?” 

“You’re untouchable. A four time champion, I’ve heard.” 

“World champion,” Max corrects, but not obnoxiously. It seems like a habit to add that distinction, years and years of hard work and dedication and training for the recognition. 

“World champion, my bad.” You nod. “Congrats on that, by the way.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Like I said, untouchable. You’re the best of the best, and I’d assume even though it’s nice to be regarded as so, it’s hard for you to know when people actually want to know you, or if they just want something from you. Hence…why you’re out here.” 

“Whoa. Didn’t know this was going to turn into a therapy session.” 

“Am I wrong, though?” 

“No. You’re right on the nose, actually.” He shouldn’t be admitting this. He’s supposed to maintain the image that he has going for him, but something about you makes him feel like he can trust you with his true self. 

You’ve drifted closer together without realizing throughout your conversation, shoulders brushing, knees bumping. Max’s pinky moves to brush over yours. You let it happen. 

He’s got really pretty eyes, you notice, steel blue staring right back at you. Piercing the careful facade you have to put up when working these events. Some people are charming, and you’ve learned to keep yourself a closed book to keep yourself safe. But Max feels different. Max’s interest seems genuine. 

It only intrigues you even more. You don’t know him, but you want to. 

Max clears his throat suddenly. “I should go,” He says. 

You wait for him to back away, to put some space between the two of you, but he doesn’t. If anything, he looks like the last thing he wants to do is leave. 

Part of you wants him to stay, but you know he shouldn’t. The same is true for you. He needs to get back to his job, and you need to get back to yours. 

“Me too,” You reply, taking careful notice to keep your tone from sounding too dejected. “Thanks for listening to me rant. I feel a little better now.” 

“I’m glad I could help.” 

You force yourself to climb to your feet, putting that distance between Max and yourself up before you have the urge to do something rash. A flash of your mouth on his zips through your mind for a split second. 

No. You can't do that. 

“Bye, Max. It was nice meeting you.” 

“Yeah. Nice meeting you too.” 

Now is the time for you to leave—one foot in front of the other, away from him, back to reality. 

“Wait!” He calls before you can get far. You turn on your heel like you were expecting him to say something else, waiting for him to reach you. He catches your elbow, squeezing gently. “What are you doing after this is over?” 

“Honestly? I was going to go home and pass out on my couch.” Max’s eyebrows pinch in the middle. “But I could be persuaded otherwise. Why?” 

“Would you want to get a drink? With me.” 

“Not really helping the lonely allegations,” You tease, smiling warmly despite your ribbing. Max rolls his eyes goodnaturedly.  “Yeah, I’d love to grab a drink. But I don’t get off until late, so it might be a while.” 

“I’ll wait.” His answer is immediate. Firm. 

“Okay. Okay, cool,” You say, fighting a smile. “I’ll find you after everything is over.” 

“I’m counting on it.”

The night flies by faster now that you’ve got Max to look forward to by the end of it. By the time you’re freed from the shackles of customer service, you don’t feel as drained as you normally do. You’re strangely excited to get to know him some more. 

You find Max waiting for you just outside the coat check, pretty eyes searching the dwindling gala goers until he spots you approaching. He smiles, nods his head in greeting.

“Hi. Everything alright?” 

“It’ll be better the sooner we get out of here.” 

“Let’s go, then.” 

Instead of a bar, he brings you back to his place. It catches you by surprise when he asks, but he assures you it’s more for privacy purposes than anything else, strictly two new friends sharing a drink and some more conversation. 

You’re not sure what you were expecting for a man of his financial standing, but a massive penthouse overlooking Monte Carlo makes sense. You do your best to tame your reaction, but it really is impressive. 

His living room is probably the size of your whole apartment, and that’s just what you can see right now. A pristine white couch sits in the middle of the room on an even whiter carpet in front of a sleek, top of the line entertainment unit, and there’s some sort of sim racing setup with a fancy chair nestled in the far corner near a wall of floor to ceiling windows. Surrounding the rig are a handful of trophies and racing helmets, each of them polished to perfection. 

Over in the far corner is a huge evergreen tree, decorated with twinkling lights and silver baubles. It looks extremely professional, almost staged, and the more you look at it, the more you’re sure he hadn’t been the one to put it up.

“What do you like to drink? I’ll make you something.” Max’s voice pulls you out of your gawking at his home. Your eyes snap over to him hovering next to a bar cart stocked with liquor, sweeping a hand along the bottles. Twisting your lips to the side in contemplation, you tell him your drink of choice and he smiles. “Nice one. I’m more of a gin and tonic kind of guy, but hey, to each their own.” 

You find your way to one end of the giant sofa not long later, aforementioned gin and tonic in his hand, your drink nestled in yours. “I did you, now you do me.” 

Max nearly chokes on his drink, brows flying high at your bluntness. “Sorry, what?” 

You look unphased. “What do you think you know about me?” 

Oh. Of course that’s what you meant. 

He takes a few beats to ponder your question, eyes squinting in thought. Then he fixes you to the spot with a decisive look. 

“I think you have big dreams. Changing the world, making it a better place—but you haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet,” He says, tilting his head. Your chest tightens at his words, because they’re true. “You’re going in circles, not able to figure out that one thing that’ll break the cycle you’re stuck in. I think once you do figure it out, you’re going to do great things. Big things.” 

Like before, somehow the space between the two of you has dwindled into nearly nothing as he looks at you so intently with those piercing eyes of his. You’re a little surprised by how on the nose he is about you, but it also makes sense. Max seems very observant. Perhaps it comes from being on the lookout all the time. 

“If the racing doesn’t work out, you might want to consider psychology,” You manage to say. 

He chuckles, nose scrunching. “Sure, I’ll think about it. Though I think it’s going pretty well at the moment.” 

-------

“When can I see you again?” He asks a while later, head lolling to face you lazily.

His hand has somehow found its way spread over your knee, nimble fingers tap tap tapping mindlessly. The first few buttons of his shirt have been undone, hair mussed from how often he'd been dragging his fingers through it.

Your drinks have worn off ages ago, but you still feel warm and fuzzy. Though you suspect it’s more from the man you’re with rather than the residual alcohol talking. 

You’ve been getting to know each other as the night goes on, swapping stories about your lives until you feel like you haven’t just met him a few hours ago. His are by far much more entertaining than yours, but Max seems to enjoy the mundane of yours. 

Part of you is surprised by his question. In your mind, you were expecting this to just be a one time thing. An easy way to fill a boring night, never to be thought about again. But Max does want to see you again. You don’t let it phase you. Instead, you raise an amused brow. 

“Why? You planning on kicking me out anytime soon?” You joke. Max’s fingers twitch, and he shakes his head. 

“No, I just—I’d like to see you again, is that so wrong?” 

“Not at all. I’d like that too.” You smile at him. “Though it is getting late, so I should probably head out anyways.” 

Max doesn’t push for you to stay, just nods understandingly. “You’re sure you’re okay to make it home on your own? Let me order you an Uber,” He says, digging his phone out of his pocket. 

“Yes, Max, I’m fine. And I can get my own Uber, thank you very much.” 

“Please, let me. I asked you here, the least I can do is pay for your ride home.” He seems like a very insistent person, so you sigh goodnaturedly, waving a hand for him to go ahead. When he’s done and a car is on its way, he turns to you, propping his chin up in the palm of his hand. “I had a nice time tonight.”

You scoff lightly, raising a brow. “I recall you saying something about how company galas are the worst part of your job.” 

“I dunno, this one wasn’t that bad.” Max shrugs, a fond smile playing at his lips. “I met you, didn’t I?” 

“Best night of your life then, huh?” You tease, winking at him. 

“It’s definitely up there.” 

“Too bad it’s ending soon.” 

“Too bad,” He echoes. He tilts his head, rubs at the smooth fabric of the sofa cushion just so he has something to do with his hand. “Looks like we’ll have to see each other again soon.” 

You have all the time in the world to unravel the mystery that is Max Verstappen, if he’ll let you. And judging by the way his hand inches towards yours until your fingers intertwine while you’re waiting for your Uber to come, he will.

follow @katsu-library to be notified when i post new writing :)

[tillichan]

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ Your life in Blue Lock for @xo-adeline ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒

Being the manager of the best football team in Europe, Bastard Munchen, is not an easy task. But somehow you immediately fit into this team, becoming an inalienable part of Bastard Munchen. Even though, players may seem like they don't care about you, but that's no true! Conversely, they've a soft spot for you and value your contribution to the team. Your intimidating look is actually a secret weapon of your team you don't know about it though which helped them to make their rivals give up without a fight more than once.

Rival A: Hey, bro, look at this manager. She's planning on murdering or something like this? Rival B: She looks like she's going to kill us if we score even one goal. Bastard Munchen: What are you saying about our manager? Rivals — crap their pants, your team — pleased with themselves, meanwhile you just have no clue about all this stuff.

Usually you do the ordinary manager stuff like paperwork, maintaining the team schedule, taking care of players. But your ability to see a little things and your knowledge of psychology help Bastard Munchen to analyze their matches or their rivals. Sometimes you speak your mind without always thinking about it first during meetings. Your seniors are dissatisfied with it, but your team love your sarcastic and witty personality. And when you subtly mock seniors or team's rivals? Your team adore you! But your routine was interrupted by invitation to Blue Lock, your team as players, you as their manager assistant, because Blue Lock project needs more workers. And if you think that being a manager of Bastard Munchen is chaos, no, being a manager of Blue Lock is real chaos! Where should I start?.. Well, let's start from this part. Now you've not a team of professional football players, you've a team of professional simps-guardians, who literally growl at poor Blue Lock boys, who want to ask you for help, for example. Bastard Munchen are very proud of their manager and brag about you every. single. minute.

Kaiser: Wanna ask manager for help, Yoichi? What a pity, she is my manager! Anri in the background: But she is not only your manager...

Even Noel Noa brags about you in his composed manner! Ego didn't understand his behavior at first. But when you started speaking your mind during meetings and teasing Anri with him... Well, you're really not bad, so Ego thinks now. I'm sorry, Ego-san, this manager is already taken. Bastard Munchen are very chaotic team, you still love them. Despite their attempts to protect you from Blue Lock boys, you've a lot of friends here and carry out the duties of a manager great.

Color of your ego — Dark Blue

Falling in love with a new manager of Bastard Munchen is the last thing Michael Kaiser expected out of his life. But here you are, beautiful, smart and full of love for him. You broke the walls Michael had built around his heart over the years and showered him with love. Even though Michael hate being loved because it makes him weak, he also wants to be loved by someone, strange as it may sound.

♥ You two look so cool together! Your couple aesthetic and aura is something else! Tattoos, blue roses, similar hair colors and intimidating smug look. I bet, you're the hottest topic of discussion in the community! ♥ Michael loves that you're a sarcastic person and tend to speak your mind without always thinking about it. Your personalities suits each other, you both are witty, independent and have your own time of self-doubt. It helps you to understand each other and work on your weaknesses together. ♥ Especially Kaiser loves teasing you whenever you're falling and tripping all over the place. After he caught you, of course. ♥ Since Michael is interested in psychology, as you do, you two have a lot of deep conversations and discussions about it. He'd probably be interested in true crime too because of you. ♥ Please, take care of him in the morning. Michael wakes up in a really bad mood, but mornings are actually not that bad if you're with him~ ♥ Michael hates receiving gifts, he doesn't know how he's supposed to react. Well, if it's not your gifts. Even though, he is still bad at showing good reactions, but he is happy that you think about him.

Alexis Ness acts towards you as your older brother. You and Kaiser are the most important people in his life. Honestly, Alexis loves and protects you even more than he admires Kaiser. He thinks about you as a little sister, because he never received love and understanding from his real siblings. And as your older brother he protects you a lot! If you and Alexis come in, while Kaiser's doing his morning routine consists of standing before the mirror naked, gazing at himself while having a conversation with himself, Alexis will cover your eyes with his hands. It doesn't matter that Michael is your boyfriend. Don't worry, dear, your brother protect your heart from all jerks around you!

Noel Noa is your proud father figure. He always acts cool, but he loves you from the bottom of his heart. Your smart tactics and ideas helped Bastard Munchen more than once, not to mention that he loves that you can keep in line the behavior of the team. Every time Noa has meeting with coaches in Blue Lock, your name keeps coming up. And if Ego or another coach ask him to give you his team? No. That's impossible.

Itsuki Wakatsuki has a fattest crush on you since you first appeared in Blue Lock. The way you tease your, and not only your, team, your sarcastic and witty behavior, your strange but cute habit to do something and then just totally stop and move on, he was smitten with you! Even though your team is kinda aggressive when someone tries to approach you, Itsuki talks to you whenever he has a chance. He enjoys talking to you about football, mocking others players or sleeping on your lap, because he's always tired. The last one happened only once, because your team raised a riot.

Karasu Tabito is your best friend in Blue Lock. You're cool and smart girl, who is also witty and loves analyzing people, consider you're Tabito's favorite person in the whole Blue Lock. Karasu doesn't like receiving a present because he hates to be forced to feel happy. But somehow you've the ability to make him always feel happy not only because of little gifts but also because of little gestures which always get to the point. You two spend your time together analyzing games or players or just talking about your life. Karasu built walls around his heart. And you're the only one person who are able to tear it down.

Nagi Seishiro is one more your Blue Lock friend. You two have a lot in common! Sleeping, playing video games, reading manga, for example. You and Nagi bond over similar hobbies and got along well. You two can be found together reading manga Nagi has a lot of manga apps, so you two always can find something interesting or playing video game. Nagi would like to rest on you lap after a rough training session, but unfortunately this place is already taken. As you do, Nagi loves teasing people around in his own way. So you two have a lot of fun together, imagining Barou Maid Cafe or football players as animals.

[ferrarifinnick]

WHO WANTS TO BE A DADDY | THE HUNGER GAMES HEADCANON

i absolutely loved exploring this with thg boys. we only ever really see katniss’ opinion on parenthood in the books, and it was so much fun exploring these perspectives. also i know everyone hates gale but honestly he’s so fun to write for. moody and stoic. just how i like ‘em!

set post-rebellion. if they want kids + how many/genders that suits them best.

includes: gale, finnick, peeta

warnings: none

gale would absolutely want to be a father, but just not for some time after the rebellion is won and over. i can see him moving back to the new district 12, building a new house for you both to live in, far away from the ruins he watched go up in flames. i think this would be his project for a while. it would be his way to grieve the loss of his old life, while focussing on building a new one. with you. i can see this being therapeutic for him, and i can see his younger siblings helping him with painting the walls and his mother cooking a meal for you to eat together once the project is complete. and as gale is eating in your new home with his family, i think he would realise that he no longer has to provide for them like he has since his dad died. they will be alright without him now, and he can finally live a life of his own. after his family goes back to their new home, i think he would finally tell you that he’s ready and wants to start this new chapter right away. but most importantly, he wants to start it with you.

i think gale would shine best with two boys, partly because he can fill the void his father’s death left in him, and to turn them into better men than he was growing up.

i’m going to defy canon and say that finnick doesn’t really have a preference. i think his attitude would be that if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, that’s fine too. it would be something he’d like fate to decide, i think. after all, finnick is much more interested in all things you than about what you can or can’t give him. but that’s not to say he wouldn’t be completely overcome with excitement if you did happen to fall pregnant. i think he would occasionally wonder what your baby would look like, if it would have your eyes or his smile, and he’d spend a lot of his free time thinking of names that incorporate your favourite flowers and colours, just in case. but if you didn’t ever fall pregnant, i can see him being equally content in taking the number one spot on the list of people that you love.

finnick is definitely great with kids. i think he’d shine best as a girl dad or as the fun uncle katniss and peeta’s kids see occasionally for holidays.

peeta has three priorities in life: propose to you, marry you, and then have beautiful babies with you. plural, because peeta has so much love for you that it couldn’t possibly be contained to just you. no, he needs extensions of you, so that he can share his love with them, too. i think peeta would take his role as a husband and father incredibly seriously, and that would include cooking every meal for your family, organising family game nights every week, etc. but he would even do little things like filling up a vase with fresh flowers every week for you, crafting his own stories to read to your kids every night (and he’d definitely make a picture book to go along with it), and really taking the time to meet the emotional needs of your family. most of all, he wants to make the kind of loving family that he wished for but never had.

he would do best as a father to at least one girl and one boy, if not more. he would definitely make saturday mornings a baking day, with you and the kids helping to bake some treats for game night later that day.

lmk what other headcanons you’d like to explore. like, comment, reblog. love <3

[firenati0n]

2024 writing round up!

thank you for the tags @kiwiana-writes @cha-melodius @alasse9 :) <3

i posted 19 fics this year (whoa) ranging from 932 words to 54,284 words. wild! all were for RWRB! yay firstprince! :)

JANUARY

too scared to post shit after writing worm fic in december

FEBRUARY

An Amateur's Guide to Piping That Cream and Beating That Meat (T, 5k) henry needs to make something for alex's friendsgiving and comes across a thirst trapping headless food tiktoker. i wonder who it could be. deranged tiktok comments, friends to lovers

people ruin people, i don't wanna ruin you (M, WIP, 6.8k, 4/9 chapters) - this was posted anonymously until august) alex is a washed up singer, henry is his new pet project. and maybe something more. musician firstprince, v loose a star is born x greek mythology au, icarus!alex, collaborators to lovers

MARCH

each time we touch / i wanna take too much (M, 1.3k) alex puts his fingers in henry's mouth. mhm yep that's it.

keep me up all night / i wanna scratch your surface  (M, 1.4k) alex is so in love he could die. puts his mouth on other places. prose-y loverboy alex.

cause you're classic, and i'm reckless (T, 5.4k) alex and henry are costars, henry offers to help alex with intimacy research. actor au, kissing for practice leads to kissing for real, inspired by ryan gosling and rachel mcadams at the 2005 mtv movie awards, costars to lovers

who truly stuck the knife in first (M, 3.7k) alex and henry are spy partners. a mission goes sideways and they fight and fuck about it. sexually charged wrestling, partners to lovers

APRIL

and all i can taste is this moment, and all i can breathe is your life (T, 9999 words) angel!henry watches over lawyer!alex invisibly until one day alex sees him. now what? loose city of angels au, pining yearning longing galore, wee bit of angst with a happy ending, introspection

MAY

who would've thought that a guy like henry would double as a superstar?  (T, 6.4k) hannah montana au, crack treated seriously, henry is hannah montana and alex works at a ranch. a hot damn mess.

JUNE

busy writing and posting proposal au! :)

JULY

the full spectrum of human emotion (M, 54k) editor!henry gets assistant!alex to marry him to avoid deportation. but wait! alex hates henry! oops. the proposal (2009) au, marriage of convenience, fake dating, romantic comedy, banter and big feelings

AUGUST

you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be (T, 7.7k) angel!henry sequel, henry learning what it means to be human, very tender and full of musings on humanity and love and the little things in life

the leaves of a silver maple (assorted, 13k) collection of short standalone prompt fics for my fic fest (some of my favorite fics ever exist in this collection and they're so buried jfalksjlf)

prompt one - wicked E | 2.6k | au, sims family, fluff laced with a little crack. as a treat. henry finds something rather...wicked on alex's laptop. prompt two - sweaters T | 1k | canon-verse, fluffy, sweet, sharing clothes alex steals henry's sweater, and henry gets back at him. prompt three -  magic T | 5.2k | kiki's delivery service (studio ghibli, 1989) au, magic au, high school au, warlock!henry, baker!alex, sweet, tender, emotional, found family a tender little exploration of love, purpose, healing, and a warlock!henry finding baker!alex.  prompt four -  comfort T | 2.6k | roommate au, sickfic, hurt/comfort, taking care of each other, mutual pining, fluff, domesticity, pride & prejudice (2005) refs, first kiss, getting together three times henry took care of alex and one time alex took care of henry. prompt five - wicked once more M | 500 words | au, sims family, cracky fluff, accidental sims mpreg alex is being a menace once again in The Sims. prompt six - apron M | 200 words | au, silly, apron shenanigans henry is wearing an apron. and nothing else.  prompt seven - goodbye T | 200 words | the good place au, bittersweet alex and henry say goodbye. prompt eight - father T | 300 words | post-canon, a tinge of grief, hope henry reflects on grief.

SEPTEMBER

i like the way you blush / i like the way you bite (M, 932) henry puts his fingers in alex's mouth

OCTOBER

flip the switch and let the cauldron bubble (T, 2.7k) kiki's delivery service au sequel, warlock!henry and baker!alex and the many potions that heal them

about to bust-elo (M, 2k) alex tries Café Bustelo Instant Espresso and has a hell of a day. inspired by my fuckass coffee habits.

feeling your heart beating, wondering what you're dreaming (M, 5.7k) five times childhood best friends alex and henry share a bed platonically, and the one time (of many) they do as something more, childhood friends to lovers, one bed, pining, fluffy and tender

from all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone (G, 1.4k) alex has a long day and a terrible headache, and henry comforts him

NOVEMBER

brain break

DECEMBER

london's so nice, back in your seamless rhymes (T, 7.4k) alex and henry fall in love—five days a week, four bus routes, three pseudo-dates, two holiday markets, and one red scarf of fate later. strangers to friends to lovers, meet-cute, london buses, fluffy and fun

if the city never sleeps, then that makes three (T, 1.4k) london bus meet-cute universe part 2. alex and henry have a movie night and learn some things about each other and the people they thirst over

i looked into your eyes, got such a great surprise (M, 1.6k) london bus meet-cute universe part 3. alex and henry go on a walk and do some reflecting on love and happiness. fluffy and funny and sweet.

-

and that's a wrap! what a year! so grateful for everyone who read and commented and subscribed and engaged...it means so much to me. i have really leaned on this community while navigating rough waters, and deeply love all the friends and connections i have made. sending everyone a lot of love!

xoxo roop

open tag and a few under the cut :)

@ninzied @myheartalivewrites @rmd-writes @tintagel-or-cockleshells @clottedcreamfudge

@anchoredarchangel @dumbpeachjuice @smc-27 @cricketnationrise @everwitch-magiks

@orchidscript @cheesecurdsgravyandfries @run-for-chamo-miles @onward--upward @eusuntgratie

@bigassbowlingballhead @leaves-of-laurelin @porcelainmortal @getmehighonmagic @blueeyedgrlwrites

@suseagull5914 @judasofsuburbia @seths-rogens @caterpills @violetbaudelaire-quagmire

@onthewaytosomewhere @indestructibleheart @sophie1973 @fairflowered @incalamity

@smugvillanelle @anincompletelist @wordsofhoneydew @itsmaybitheway @whimsymanaged

@miss-minnelli @zwiazdziarka @sherryvalli @msmarvelouswinchester @thesleepyskipper

@thedramasummer @priincebutt @14carrotghoul @kj-bee @welcometololaland

@miharaikko @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

[holnnetd]

No rejection under my roof

Tbh, I saw a silly little tiktok and I was like, damn. Me too. So anyway, I'm projecting (it fucking took me ChatGPT to figure out what that word was again) and I truly believe the men are just like that.

So have some silly headcanons:

(I haven't proofread it yet, so sorry for everyone reading this!)

This is only fiction, please remember.

Jonathan Price is... oddly okay with it. You need to work on your career you say? He's sure he could pull some strings. Well, only if you go out with him to that new coffee shop down town. Just to discuss the opportunities of your future. Of course. He's pretty sure he'd look great with a successful lad next to him. He'd show you off, proudly telling that you don't only look godly and make the best spaghetti, but you're also a badass that's hardworking.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick smiles as you deny him, telling you that it's fine and he understands. Until he shows up to your family home one day, chatting up your relatives like they are old friends? You smile kindly, confused as to why he's here and you just hear your family say what a nice boy he is and that he helped them carry groceries one day. Even helped them cook that dish they'd only eat for special occasions. Really, what s weird coincidence. Oh and they want you guys to know eachother? Maybe date? Huh... Really suspicious.

Simon "Ghost" Riley would stand stumped before you, feeling slightly confused and embarrassed at being rejected. Why would you... Reject him? He can't go back to the team after they told him to go for it. He'd stare at you in silence, believing you straight up just didn't hear him. So with a gruff expression he asks again, "would you want to date me?", just to make sure you hear him right.

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish is absolutely convinced that "I'm freshly after a break up" means "Please make me forget about him" and he takes it as his personal challenge. Without knowing the reason of Saud breakup, he will blame to ex, saying that he should have watched out better for such a beautiful lad like yourself! What batter way to get on your annoying, bad ex then to send him a video of you getting absolutely fucked into next week by a bigger dick then he could have hoped to have? Really, that would crash anyone's ego.

Alejandro Vargas would be pretty persistent. He's a man of passion and I cannot accentuate it enough, but he would do so much for anyone he likes. He knows that maybe he's about to destroy a 7 year friendship with you, but he really can't stop himself from physically kissing up your hands to pepper your pretty, pretty face with every bit of love. You're precious! Please let him shower you with his love. He might start showing up at your house every day if you don't!

Rodolfo Parra listens carefully as you tell him that you have too much on your plate right now to accept. Really it's too much. And he just smiles awkwardly, handing you the bouquet, "we can eat together if it's that much. Two heads is more then one" he says and if you're not swooned, you don't deserve him. He is by your side to help you out with any problem you might have. Too much to chew? Well, only metaphorically speaking, give some to him. (Please don't literally, I swear it's just a metaphor) There is nothing he can't handle with a little bit of stubbornes and persuasion.

Valeria Garza wouldn't take it to heart. She understands being in any shape of form tied to the mafia has huge risks and maybe not everyone's preference, but she stays open for you to come back. Talking you that she will always help out if there is a problem. And problems did came surely. Someone framed you for stealing? The cops were being awfully rude, gave you a speeding ticket and then someone broke into your house? Bad luck, huh? You can't stay in your house after it being demolished, but you really don't want to risk your family with had luck. So the only way out is to grab the hand and become a mafia bosses spouse. Don't worry, she made sure no one else dared to touch you anymore.

Philip Graves wouldn't take no for an answer. No matter your argument. You have a boyfriend? Doesn't matter, dump him. Philip is better. He has money, a charming smile, even more money, and lawyers that could sweep one dead body under the rug. Maybe 3, if you are as stubborn as he is. But when there is no man in your life? Oh, he's so guilt tripping you with his money into dating. He brought you so many gifts, how can you say no while there is a fresh bouquet of flowers in front of your door with a box of jewellery with his initials somewhere engraved on them?

Farrah Karim. Nah, just why would you reject her, really? Don't. No one would. She's sweet.

Alex Keller doesn't understand what you mean. You see him as family? Good, he's a family man! It sounds to him like you want a family with him, and hell who is he to deny his beautiful girlfriend a family. You want a kid? Sure! You don't want one? You two can settle with a dog for the time being, really. He's an open guy, not really wanting to accept denial. It's not really denial at this point. Family loves eachother! So you two have to do that too. And maybe love eachother in bed.

Vladimir Makarov wouldn't even ask to be dating. He'd send not so vague threats and straight up demand of you to be his spouse. You were kidnapped and threatened with a gun to your head to marry him. Yeah. That's... How it went. Very romantic. It's either a, you die now or you die later with me. And hopefully not being stupid you'd rather live with a terrorist for a while, not having to worry about working until you two die. Maybe separately, maybe if you stay loyal and nice to him he will hold you while either of you dies. That's the most romance you will get from this power driven man.

Now come the fake ahh characters that I especially love:

"König" (of course) would be devastated to hear that you cannot date someone like him. Why is that? Is it the amount of dead bodies he had touched with his hands?? He will wear gloves whenever touching you, of course! Maybe it's because of the scars on his body? Don't worry, he will get tattoos over them so you don't have to see any! Maybe it's how he looks??? He swears he will shave his arms and legs and cut his hair- No! It's because if his height, right Schatz? He's to tall, of course... Well don't worry your head, he doesn't mind staying on his knees. Actually he's quite fond to stay there, as long as your legs are on his shoulders and he gets to press his lips into your flesh. Poor overthinking puppy.

Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin is looking at you with a raised brow as you tell him you can't stand him. Well then sit down. He drags a chair over to you, forcing you to sit down on it. You will sit, until you can stand him again. And then you will go on a date. Tired of him? Take a nap, it's not that deep. Hell, maybe a good cuddle session in his bed is what you need! He will drag you to his bed, in uniform or not, force you to lay down before plopping on top of you, making sure you're not tired anymore. Tsk, escaping from the tiger? Please.

[ratking-mo]

A Night To Remember (part 2)

Synopsis: Viktor was dragged to one of the many events held in Piltover by Jayce, wanting to bring him out for "support." He agreed to know, sense it was Jayce that was asking him, but he generally began to feel bored and irritated (as presumed.) But then, Mel came to him, giving him advice he simply had to take.

Word count: 1.7k

Tags: No lube/protection, insertion, comfort

Authors note: I decided to take a more “seductive” approach with the second part sense I imagine that’s how it’d be portrayed in the show. I’m fairly happy with how it came out! Sorry if it’s a little rushed, I was busy with work related stuff. I may end up making future installments if I feel like it.. anyway, hope you enjoy!

[Previous Part]

—————————————————————————

“I’ll leave you to it,” Mel spoke in a lightened tone, gently patting Viktor’s back before walking off without another word.

Viktor opened his mouth to speak, but then promptly closed it, sighing as she walked away. How was he meant to bring something like this up? He can’t be blunt, that’d be awkward. He isn’t the best at being subtle… hm…

“Viktor!”

Jayce called out as he sped walked towards Viktor, letting out soft huffs through his partially opened mouth. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, Though, it was hard to tell if that was from going too fast or if it was from something else.

“Talis,” Viktor responded with a soft, partial smile on his face. “Having fun?

“Ah, you know how these parties are..” 

Jayce laughed, gently scratching the back of his head. Viktor took notice of how the other seemed a lot more… fidgety, than usual. How weird. “They're more of a mandatory thing if anything. I have to show up, you know?” He then lightly nudged Viktor’s shoulder. “What, getting bored?”

“Ehh..” Viktor trailed off with a soft laugh, looking to the side. “I don’t think I’ll be answering that.”

Jayce smiled faintly at that before turning his head, looking towards the direction Mel walked in. “..Sooo..” He cleared his throat for a brief second, leaning towards VIktor’s ear. “Did Mel, uh.. Ask you, anything?”

Viktor lifted his head towards Jayce, arching an eyebrow. “What question would she have supposedly asked me?” He asked him, cocking his head to the side. Did this have to do with her advice, or something else completely?

“Oh, uh-” Jayce quickly turned his head away, his face blushing a deeper red. Well, that explained why his face was red earlier. “T-that’s, not important..” He spoke in a hushed tone as he scratched the back of his head, evading eye contact.

Viktor’s eyebrows knitted together for a moment. What were these two hiding from him… There had to be something deeper going on here, right? Maybe he was being taken off the research? No, he’s contributing too much for that… Perhaps it’s a more substantial project? Something to do with elevating Hextexh? But that didn’t explain the blush… maybe-

“Anyway!” Jayce clasped his hands together, breaking Viktor out of his rampant thoughts. The taller man reached out, lightly grabbing Viktor by his arm. “There's someone I’d like you to meet; He’s one of the councilmen! I think you two have a lot in common.”

Shit, Viktor was running out of time. He needed to get out of this before he was trapped in an endless loop of shallow banter. 

Viktor took a sharp breath and grounded himself, keeping the two in a stagnant state. “Actually,” he breathed, pulling his arm away. “I would, uh… Like to suggest something else we could do.”

Jayce turned his head slightly, lifting an eyebrow. “Ah?” he then snorted, giving a faint laugh as he turned to face Viktor fully. “What, did you want to head back to the lab?” He asked half-jokingly, placing one hand on his hip while he pointed his other thumb towards the exit. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the reason. 

Viktor let out a stilted laugh in response, eyebrows furrowing for a brief moment. “Actually…” He lifted his hand, reaching out. He lightly placed his hand on his upper waist, slowly starting to dip his hand towards his lower back. 

“I was thinking maybe we could get out of here, and, you know..”

As his hand trailed down, his fingers dipped down into the hem of his pants before rising back out. 

“Have a little “event” of our own…?”

Jayce’s face quickly bloomed in color as his eyes went wide. His mouth opened in a faint “o’ shape before quickly shutting it, unable to say anything. He turned his head, looking around for a moment. “I…” He turned to look at Viktor, hushing his voice. “Give me five minutes.” He requested before turning away and quickly leaving to bid his farewells.

Viktor stood there for a moment, blinking a few times. Wow; that actually worked. He had to thank Mel when he saw her again for the tip…

The near second Jayce finished up, he dragged Viktor out of the party. Jayce didn’t waste any time by hosting small talk or taking a brief stroll. They were damn near running. Viktor was only able to get them to slow down by mentioning that he knew a place.

As they arrived at Mel’s home, Jayce stiffened for a moment, staring up at the large walls. His face faintly blushed a warm red color before shaking his head and clearing his throat. He seemed a lot more flustered rather than embarrassed by the location.

Viktor moved, soon pushing the doors open. He let out a stilted breath at the sleek, warm atmosphere of the interior, causing him to feel a little out of place due to his outward appearance. “Wow..” He murmured before clearing his throat.

He turned his head slightly to speak, parting his lips for a moment before Jayce quickly crowded against him, pulling him into a sharp kiss. This caused Viktor to nearly stumble back, but, he was able to use his cane to support the two of them as he pressed it firmly against the ground. Viktor lifted his freehand, placing it against the taller man’s side. Viktor leaned upwards in an attempt to kiss back, his eyes slowly beginning to shut.

Truth be told, he was a bit inexperienced when it came to affections such as this. But that wasn’t going to stop him in the slightest. 

Viktor moved, feeling his way out towards the lounge room while attempting not to break the kiss. It was mostly him kicking his foot around with every step in hopes that he would hit the leg of the couch or anything. He then soon pressed his foot against the back of the sofa, letting out a huff through his nose. 

Jayce pulled his lips away, the warm feeling fleeting away in seconds as he glanced toward the couch. He firmly grabbed hold of Viktor’s shoulders as he moved towards the seat of the couch, laying back against it as he pulled down Viktor with him.

Viktor stumbled a bit as he loomed over Jayce, fumbling with disrobing him. Though, the voice of Mel nagged at the back of his head. “Hold him off”... Should he be doing that now, or go further along? His grip tightened on Jayce’s tie for a moment, struggling to think about what his next move should be. 

“Viktor-”

Jayce breathed. 

“Viktor, now.” He demanded.

There goes all of Viktor’s previous inhibitions. He swiftly moves, pressing kisses against Jayce’s neck as he goes further along with stripping him Jayce’s stiff and heavy gasps fill the room. Music to Viktor’s ears, they were. 

Viktor’s eyes shut firmly as he fully unbuttoned Jayce’s shirt, moving to lightly caress his waist for a moment as he moved to tug down his pants. 

Then,

The sound of a door opening and promptly closing could be heard, followed by the melodious sound of heels clicking.

“I should have warned you about how demanding he could get… Apologies for that.” Mel’s voice echoed as she walked over, moving towards the arm of the couch.

Viktor visibly stiffened for a moment, unsure if he should keep going. But the feeling of Jayce writhing and whining beneath him was just too much for him to ignore. “You don’t need to apologize.” He promptly responded as he began to unbuckle Jayce’s pants, Eyes slightly narrowed as he began to work them down. “This is such a lucky sight..” He murmured.

Mel let out a soft laugh in response, looking down at Jayce for a quiet moment. He loved the way he looked, so desperate, on the verge of begging.

“If anything, Jayce should be the lucky one..” Mel commented, reaching out to lightly trace her fingers across Jayce’s jawline. He shuddered at the feeling, his hand reaching up to tightly grasp hers. She smiled at the sight. “He has been having thoughts for a night like this for a while..”

Viktor paused at her words, currently holding his belt. “...is that why he invited me.” He asked with a short, dry chuckle, working his pants off. “Clever move, Talis.”

Mel hummed in response to that, trailing her hand downwards towards Jayce’s chest. She rubbed slow, hypnotic circles against his chest, her eyes half-lidded. 

“He has been talking about this for weeks, how he wanted both you and I. He thought he was being selfish.”

Viktor lifted Jayce’s legs, nearly immediately regretting that move due to their sheer weight of them. Before he could drop them, he lightly placed them over his shoulder, letting out a relieved sigh. “Selfish?” He repeated, gently rubbing his hands up and down his legs. “Now why would he think a thing like that..” He murmured. Viktor lightly grasped hold of his shaft after guiding it out of his underwear, pressing it against Jayce’s hole.

Jayce’s breath hitched as he stiffened, grip tightening on Mel’s arm. “No moisture?” Mel asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Not needed,” Viktor responded. “He’s a big guy. He can take it.”

Jayce grumbled a bit as he turned his head away, his face blushing hotly in embarrassment. “God, V, don’t say it like that..” He murmured. 

Viktor let out a faint laugh in response before bracing himself and pushing himself inside. He visibly shivered at the warm envelope, His eyes shutting for a moment as he braced himself. Jayce, on the other hand, tightly gripped Mel as he let out a shaky moan. His toes curled in an attempt to get comfortable, shallowly letting out a heavy breath.

Mel smiled briefly at the sight, moving to rest her hands on Jayce’s cheeks to help soothe him. 

“Tight, isn’t he,” Mel commented. 

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience..” Viktor laughed dryly, waiting for Jayce to adjust.

Mel smirked a bit as she looked to the side, simply swaying back and forth rather than giving him a straight answer. “...you’ll get used to it.” She assured.

Viktor quirked his eyebrow upwards, gazing at the collected woman in front of him. “Is that to imply this will be a regular thing?”

“As long as you’re willing to be with us, Vikto,” Mel responded in a bit of a warmer tone, tilting her head to the side slightly.

..So this was their plan, to pull him into the relationship. He had to admit, they planned this out very well. 

“Viktor..” Jayce murmured, gently pressing his free hand against his lower stomach area. “I-I’m ready, you can move.” He assured. 

Now, Who was Viktor to deny such a pleasant offer from these two?

[radical-revolution]

In Memory

After I got the call that Ram Dass had died yesterday, I closed my eyes.

He is still here.

I could feel the vast field of love that was shining from Ram Dass when Trudy and I taught with him just a couple of weeks ago. And I always will.

On the final day of this last retreat, called “Open Your Heart in Paradise,” Ram Dass was frail and didn’t have access to many words. But he was there in the most powerful way. He swam delightedly with the group in the ocean, chanting “Oh Joy, Oh Joy.”

And on the retreat’s last morning, he put his hands on a basket of 350 wrist malas, each tied with a thread of his guru’s blanket, to tenderly bless them. Then, as participants came by slowly to receive their malas, he silently looked into each face, offering to all what is sometimes called “the glance of mercy,” a gaze so full of love that it left many of us speechless and weeping, drunk with blessing.

I have known Ram Dass for 48 years, as master teacher and inspiration and role model, as a dear friend and benefactor who helped me begin to teach, as a companion on the path, as a truth teller and prankster, as a profound healer and whisperer of souls, as a kind of prophet for a generation. Out in public with him across the years, over and over people would come up to him and speak lovingly, tentatively, urgently, offering thanks, “Ram Dass, I just want to let you know you changed my life!” And he did… for so many of us.

Yes, his book “Be Here Now” changed countless lives. Yes, his work with Seva Foundation cured 5 million people of blindness. Yes, he taught almost nonstop for 50 years, spreading wisdom and humor, wild devotion and love and a vast timeless mystical perspective across the world. His obituaries will be filled with his many other accomplishments.

For me he is family and Sangha, even now still spreading his playful, tough, delicious love everywhere, connecting with our hearts. “Yum, yum,” as he would say.

He was so ready to leave the wheelchair and skinny and broken body, to go home.

Home is not somewhere else.

It is here, in life and death, in the eternal dance of consciousness, weaving together form and the formless mystery from which it all comes.

Ram Dass is the vastness reminding us that in the end, there is only love.

~ Jack Kornfield, two years ago🙏

Be Here Now

Please read aloud, pause in-between, and listen to the poetic heart-words of a Great Teacher...a Beloved Guru, and a true inspiration for so many of us throughout this life.

_________________________________________

We're fascinated by the words--but where we meet is in the silence behind them.

The quieter you become, the more you can hear.

It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.

The most exquisite paradox… as soon as you give it all up, you can have it all. As long as you want power, you can't have it. The minute you don't want power, you'll have more than you ever dreamed possible.

I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion - and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.

In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight.

The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back.

Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.

As long as you have certain desires about how it ought to be you can't see how it is.

Treat everyone you meet like God in drag.

The most important aspect of love is not in giving or the receiving: it's in the being. When I need love from others, or need to give love to others, I'm caught in an unstable situation. Being in love, rather than giving or taking love, is the only thing that provides stability. Being in love means seeing the Beloved all around me.

Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.

What you meet in another being is the projection of your own level of evolution.

The spiritual journey is individual, highly personal. It can't be organized or regulated. It isn't true that everyone should follow one path. Listen to your own truth.

Let's trade in all our judging for appreciating. Let's lay down our righteousness and just be together.

Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.

Everything changes once we identify with being the witness to the story, instead of the actor in it.

We are all affecting the world every moment, whether we mean to or not. Our actions and states of mind matter, because we are so deeply interconnected with one another.

A feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there's work to be done.

The next message you need is always right where you are.

I would say that the thrust of my life has been initially about getting free, and then realizing that my freedom is not independent of everybody else. Then I am arriving at that circle where one works on oneself as a gift to other people so that one doesn't create more suffering. I help people as a work on myself and I work on myself to help people.

I'm not interested in being a "lover." I'm interested in only being love.

The game is not about becoming somebody, it's about becoming nobody.

Learn to watch your drama unfold while at the same time knowing you are more than your drama.

If you think you're free, there's no escape possible.

Every religion is the product of the conceptual mind attempting to describe the mystery.

It's only when caterpillarness is done that one becomes a butterfly. That again is part of this paradox. You cannot rip away caterpillarness. The whole trip occurs in an unfolding process of which we have no control.

We're here to awaken from the illusion of separateness

We're all just walking each other home.

~ Ram Dass now, just as before,

at home with Divinity

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 84 

Oh what a wonderful day! Why? BECAUSE I FINALLY GET TO SAY THE LAST OF MY STUPID ARBITRARY RULES! The Final Arbitrary Rule is: No Crossing Over with Other Franchises! Which I very clearly fuckin’ broke here!

I wanted to do my best to only make pieces working with just the base of Junkan itself, and AU’s I made had to be original and not just “What if Junkan but it’s in X series.” That way when I finished the project a bunch of new doors would open up for me to have fun with! I know last time we had Alice in Wonderland, but given the public domain nature of that story I don’t find it to be an infraction of the rule. There’s a future day coming up that also kiiiind of breaks it? But also i feel like it’s a slightly different case, not sure how to explain it while you can’t see it. None of that matters because today we have a blunt, no fucking around breaking of that rule, and why?

Listen I’ve seen some of ya’ll draw/write Junko and Mikan as Pokemon Trainers while waiting for this day to get posted, surely you understand. I’ve been wanting to draw a pic of these two with full teams for months at this point in the projects making, I couldn’t wait any longer, it was a moment of weakness!!!

Designing the outfits for these two was super fun. Once again I’ve fucking put Mikan in a Sweater, and this time it doubles as a dress! Will I ever be stopped? 

That does generally bring me to the thoughts I’m having in hindsight months after this pic, I think Junko’s side is on the weaker side. I like her fit though I might make small edits to it whenever the next time I draw her is. But the main thing is I think the team I put together is kind of lacking??

Mikan’s? I’m perfectly happy with, Frillish is just there because she vibes aesthetically with Mikan, Blissey is obvious, Lampent because it’s associated with hospitals due to floatin around them to steal life energy, Clefable I can explain in a second but it’s probably obvious, Spinda because she needs a cute buddy to be clumsy with, but my favorite was giving her an Applin.

Like the whole thing with Applin is that giving one to someone as a gift is a declaration of Love. So of course Junko would do that, she’s all about that shit (in my brain at least). I think it’s cute!

Junko’s half of things though, if I’m gonna be real a few months later I’d probably only keep two of them and just try to remake the rest of the team. Gengar (who is also the reason Mikan has a Clefable, I love that old fan theory), because he’s my favorite pokemon and I think he just vibes really well with Junko. And Hydreigon, because Junko deserves a giant nightmare dragon. 

This is another instance of me concocting something for this project and then not being able to draw any more of it because I have to wait for it to be posted. So now, assuming I have time, I can finally draw the Pokemon AU!~ Like I said i’ll probably do some minor reworks, and then some major reworks on Junko’s end. No idea when it’ll be but look forward to it I suppose!~ 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[bnhaobservation]

‘Remedial course’ arc Vs Uraraka's quirk counseling program in chap 431

So, in my Quirk counseling post I’ve already mentioned how Uraraka's quirk counseling program seemed to recycle the idea of the ‘Remedial course’ arc… which is not so great because the whole thing didn’t mention as involved in the program the people who had been involved in the ‘Remedial course’ arc, especially Shouto who was directly touched by Quirk problems in the family and troublesome Quirk related family situations (so he should/could also be invested in helping kids who have such problems) and the story didn’t even create a scene in which information about what happened in the ‘Remedial course’ arc could be passed to Uraraka as we never see Bakugou and Shouto talk about their lessons. The result is it either happened offscreen (possible but bad because it doesn’t acknowledge their contribute) or Uraraka somehow had the same idea that the guys in the ‘Remedial course’ arc had (possible but not great because it feels unoriginal).

But, okay, let’s put this aside for now.

What I really wanted to do now was a more in deep comparison between the two so let’s start with sum up some things about them, starting with…

THE STORY

‘Remedial course’ arc (RAC for short)

In order to get their Hero license a group of teenagers (Bakugou, Shouto, Inasa and Utsushimi) is taking part to a remedial course. During one of the lessons they’re asked out of the blue to take care of a class of kids from the Masegaki elementary school. The class is apparently composed SOLELY of troublesome kids which their teacher doesn’t know how to handle. The teenagers are expected to ‘transform the class’ by the end of the day, working together to win the class over. After various failed attempts they manage to use their Quirks and the kids Quirks to create a wonderful slide and have all the kids play with it. This impresses and tames the kids who become absolutely obedient and feel understood by them.

Uraraka's quirk counseling program in chap 431 (UQC for short)

A group of Heroes (Togata, Amajiki and Hadō) has volunteered to take part to Uraraka’s Quirk counseling program and, after reading the documents about the kids, they’re about to join them with Uraraka. Uraraka explains them that the most important thing is communication, that kids might seem to be fine but actually have troubles often related to their home environment and are wary of opening up but as they’ll have a time or longer to work with them, they’ll surely notice signs and that they just have to focus on making friends. The result is one of them (Togata) decides to challenge the kids to a game in which they should use their Quirk to hit his ‘peaches’. Uraraka helps with her Quirk a shy kid to do so. All the kids are impressed by his feat and things seem to go on smoothly.

Now that we’ve refreshed everyone’s mind let’s start comparing…

THE STRUCTURE OF THE TWO PROJECTS MORE IN DEEP

Who is aimed at: a class who apparently has only troublesome kids all of whom in need to be helped (RAC), a class of kids which might or might not have kids with Quirk related problems (UQC)

Who is supposed to help: 4 teenagers who’re studying to become Heroes (RAC), 3 adults who are Heroes [actually 5 adults if we count Uraraka and Asui but it’s unclear if they’ll stay to work with the other 3 or are just accompanying them and then will move to another school] (UQC)

How much preparation they have: none (RAC), they were given to read some documents about the kids and, as they walk there, they’re also given an EXTREMELY quick and vague explanation about how the program works [Uraraka and Asui might have more preparation but we don’t really know if they’ll stay] (UQC)

How much practical experience they have: none (RAC), none [again, Uraraka and Asui have experience but we don’t know if they’ll remain to help or move to another school] (UQC)

How much willing they were to help the kids: they had no idea they would have to help the kids and were given it as an assignment to get their Hero license (the fact in this particular case the teenagers involved also decided they wanted to help the kids for the sake of the kids wasn’t factored when their involvement was decided) (RAC), they volunteered (UQC)

How much time they have: a school day (RAC), a month which can be extended if there’s need for it (UQC)

Now… from this quick overview it’s clear while the UQC’s structure isn’t great… well, the structure of the RAC is a mess. Teenagers, in order to get their Hero license, are forced to deal with a class FULL of kid a professional teacher doesn’t know how to handle and are expected to solve their problems IN A DAY without having THE SLIGHTEST PREPARATION to do so. Having willing adults with a minimal preparation deal for a month with a class in which some kids might have problems is definitely a much better plan… at least on papers.

Well… technically even the story wants to claim the UQC is better, as the RAC shows the teenagers making various attempts (and failing more than once) before managing to connect with the kids, while the UQC shows Togata making a single attempt that works like a charm right from the start.

The problem is… Togata’s attempt is quite bad and shouldn’t have worked while the teenagers’ final attempt was good and could have worked, not to magically fix all the kids’ problems but to create a connection and help them.

Now, I’ll give the UQC a pass in the sense I won’t blame it specifically for how Togata’s attempt at making friends is, it’s clear that what Togata does suits his own personal brand of humor and idea on how to make friends (remember when he creeped Midoriya out by showing only his face all of sudden? And how he used the peach joke against Tomura?) and he wasn’t instructed by Uraraka or the Quirk counseling rules to do what he did.

At the same time, this is the UQC MAIN problem, it doesn’t instruct the people involved in how to approach with the kids, same as the RAC, but the RAC is a surprise test that’s more focused on seeing if the teenagers can do it than on helping the kids (I mean, the teenagers could fail, there was no guaranty they would succeed) while the UQC is focused on HELPING THE KIDS. The adults shouldn’t fail, they should be given all the means to succeed, they shouldn’t improvise, they should go there with a plan that should have chances to be effective.

Now… why Togata’s attempt shouldn’t have worked? (or, at least, he had serious chances to fail?)

Number 1 reason:

Togata challenges the kids and even mocks their failed attempts adopting a Villain persona. To him it’s a joke. Practically he would have increased the kids’ frustration or scared them or make them more aggressive or disappointed them because the Number 1 Hero is being so mean. He’s not yet friends with the kids so they wouldn’t know his way to act and how he’s only playing around and they’re young. They aren’t meant to be able to decode his behavior and figure out it’s a joke.

By the way we see Bakugou challenging the kids in the RAC and, guess what, it doesn’t work! Bakugou acting all aggressive doesn’t get him close to the kids, it increases the distance between them! In the end Bakugou will get close by acting mature and giving honest counsel from his own experience, not by acting like a scary and overly competitive guy, so who saw the RAC appreciates even less Togata’s act.

Number 2 reason:

The game Togata proposes is a competitive one, one means to have winners and losers. In short it’ll split the kids in two groups, where the winner group will likely be smaller than the loser group. His game doesn’t promote cooperation or equality. Think if among the kids there had been little Midoriya and little Bakugou. Midoriya would be out of the game where Bakugou would have more likely won. This would have boosted further Bakugou’s ego and made Midoriya feel even less… but no, Uraraka would step in and help Midoriya to win… which would have caused Bakugou to react angrily to the frustration or losing and complain that Midoriya won only because he was helped out… and likely the other kids would feel the same. Now you might argue this would help Togata to see the kids with problems but… this would also give the kids with problems ADDITIONAL problems. And what if no one had won and all the kids were to feel frustrated because they couldn’t win? Or what if that frustration had pushed them to go overboard with the use of their Quirk? Yes, there are Pro Heroes there so if something wrong happens they could theoretically handle it, but it’s only theoretically. A distraction can cause them to act too late. Now, okay, I can give Togata a pass on how his game apparently ignores how some kids could not have a Quirk that’s suitable for this (or be Quirkless), because he had read documents about the kids so he might know all the kids have Quirks that can help them. I can’t give him a pass for how he overlooked the fact that a competition can still make matters worse and doesn’t necessarily promotes troubled kids to open up or make friends with Togata exactly because it can make matters worse.

Compare with the RAC. The teenagers in the end realized they shouldn’t compete with the kids because this makes matter worse, as they aren’t other teenagers who can get friends by competing with them, they’re kids. So they set up a game in which each kid can take part as equal and have fun, a game with no winners and losers, a game that put value in the kids’ Quirks without putting a rank to the kids or their Quirks. All the kids get to have fun and all the kids get to be helped by the teenagers to have fun, all the kids are praised and feel appreciated and understood. This creates a good atmosphere between the kids and the teens. Realistically no, it wouldn’t magically solve the kids’ problems but it could help them to open up, to trust the teens.

Number 3 reason:

Togata’s game doesn’t really encourages Quirk positivity. Yes, the kids are allowed to use their Quirks but none of their Quirk would have allowed them to win (Ooshima did win only because he was helped by Uraraka) so all their kids would have turned out to be useless and not being praised. While yes, the goal here is clearly just to make friends, since this little segment was meant to show us how UQC works, it could have also shows us a game which implemented Quirk positivity but that’s not the case, where the RAC did show Quirk positivity (the material produced by the kids is praised and used to create the slides and Quirks which didn’t produce anything are praised for how helpful they could be in cleaning operations).

Number 4 reason:

After we’ve one winner, Ooshima, the timid, shy kid, is suddenly tossed in the spotlight and involved in Togata’s style of humor. For start this cements the idea we’ve one single winner and the rest are losers, instead than giving to the other kids the chance to win as well and became ‘all equal’ to him… but, what’s more, this is a risky move to use in real life if you don’t know well the kids as the other kids might react badly and, if something were to go wrong, this can also cause harm to Ooshima’s self esteem.

There’s no such risk in the RAC where as there are no winners and losers all the kids are equal and none of them is put under the spotlight.

Conclusion:

All of the above prove no one told Togata which are the best tactics to use to interact with those kids and make friends without risking to make things worse.

Being well meaning isn’t enough.

This should be a program that aims at helping kids so it should prepare people to do so, not just tell them ‘with time you’ll surely notice signs of problems so don’t focus on the papers but on making friends’. Signs of problems can escape PROFESSIONALS. Mistakes can be done by PROFESSIONALS. Yet here we’re expecting well meaning amateurs to fix things just by having them trying their best… when ‘trying their best’ wasn’t enough to save Tomura, Touya or Himiko.

Credits when it’s due, in Japan there’s the belief that with just effort you can surpass people with innate talent, that if you fail is because you hadn’t tried hard enough and that if you try hard you should succeed and there’s also a strong stigma against psychological help… so this should have influenced Horikoshi in creating the UQC, denying people preparation because a psychological approach is ‘bad’ and focusing on effort because it’s the key to do everything.

Plus, although this bit is meant to explain Quirk counseling, it seems Horikoshi planned it merely as a short moment more aimed at lightening the mood of the story than at really showing a good way to help the kids. Things go way too easy at the first try, with no one showing big signs of needing help. Ooshima might as well be just shy and this might not be due to Quirk related problems. Or he has problems but it’s hard to tell in such a short scene because there’s no real focus on the kids and their problems and how hard it could be to help them because the author here wants positivity and smiles and pass the belief that of course the children will be helped and everything will be all right.

In the end this bit is just an infodump, with light moments and focus on how Uraraka is doing such an important job that’s so time consuming but she claims it’s all ‘me time’ because she likes it.

So yeah, what we see is definitely inferior to the RAC which showed a concrete way in which teens and kids could connect and be of some help to kids.

I’ll conclude with something I’ve already said but that I still find worth repeating: it’s annoying the teens involved in the RAC were never said to have inspired or have been involved in the UQC. The teens’ experiences in the RAC ultimately weren’t used at all, when HERE they could have been put to good use. At the same time while it’s possible Uraraka figured the old Quirk counseling program harmed Himiko instead than helping her, Horikoshi gave the whole thing a too weak connection. I mean, the first time it was mentioned Midnight thought Tomura was like that because he didn’t receive Quirk counseling (meaning among Heroes there’s the belief Quirk counseling is good) and now Uraraka thinks Himiko is like that because the Quirk counseling she received wasn’t good enough and needed to be improved? Without Himiko ever mentioning it? It feels random, as if Horikoshi changed his plans all of sudden.

But okay, I guess with this I’ve finished talking about the topic.

All in all it’s a pity things went like that but this is what we have. Thank you for reading so far and sorry if it felt boring to you.

[distractedvoid]

remember those sonamy for sonic 4 ideas? here they are i couldnt wait

So, now that Amy is definitely confirmed, based on the after credits scene in Sonic 3, I have some silly thoughts about how Sonic and Amy's relationship could unfold in Sonic 4.

So, first, I think their general dynamic would definitely change. In pretty much every other form of Sonic media, while it has changed a bit recently, Amy is shown as constantly chasing after Sonic despite him avoiding most of her advances anyway.

Now, movie Sonic is definitely not as mature as the Sonics in other medias. A huge part of his continuous character arc is that he's still a kid, a kid that doesn't really know what he's doing.

And here, we have Amy, which, from the very small amount of her character that we've seen, at least seems like less of a damsel in distress. (It reminds me of how they changed Princess Peach's character in the Mario Movie.) In contrast to the story of Sonic CD, we see Amy saving Sonic from the many copies of Metal Sonic.

Now how exactly does this make their dynamic different? Well, if you take an immature Sonic, and put him in the same room as an Amy that needs less saving than the usual, the firsthand difference is undeniable. Thus why I think their dynamic would be reversed in a way, at least, that's what I want to happen.

I have a feeling Sonic would be "chasing" after Amy, but more so in the way that he's constantly trying to impress her. He'd probably get into some unsavory situations due to his most likely failed attempts at this, prompting Amy to have to make sure he doesn't keep doing stupid things.

Amy herself wouldn't understand why Sonic kept getting himself into trouble like that, much less that he did it for her, until she sought out some third-party information.

Speaking of (I never really mentioned anything related but just go with it), I haven't talked much about Amy's own feelings yet.

So we know about a possible tiny fraction of her character, and while that's not a lot to go off of, I don't see any harm in forming early ideas based off it.

When Amy, presumably, met Sonic by saving him from the Metal Sonic copies, I don't think she would really think too much of him at first. As soon as he actually started talking, though, she'd find interest- I wouldn't wanna take away the part of her that probably falls in love way too easily.

Unlike the usual Amy we're probably all used to, she wouldn't show her feelings that much. She'd have the occasional giggle at Sonic's attempts at impressing her, even if she didn't know that was why he did it. For all she knows, that's just what he's usually like! Until she inquires with Tails- she learns that she's somewhat special to the blue blur.

I might just be projecting, with the weird way my own feelings work, but I think Amy's little crush on Sonic would skyrocket at that information. Sonic, the guy she only really had a small crush on, was trying that hard to win her over? Admittedly, that was pretty cute in her eyes.

After that Amy would definitely be more forward with Sonic, causing the latter to be a little confused and wonder if a certain two-tailed fox said anything...Guess you can't even trust your best friend with secret crushes anymore, sigh.

If they ended up together, if we were to ever get so lucky, I don't think either would really change how they act around each other, other than holding hands occasionally and maybe a few kisses here and there. Sonic is still adventure focused, though how much he likes Amy is sometimes painfully obvious. He'd gain a little confidence boost if they became official, but overall, if they went on any dates, they'd be dates to kick Eggman's ass for the thousandth time.

That's all I have for now, I'm gonna let the brain worms rest LOL. Thanks to anyone who actually went and read my yapping session

[oleandequill]

Did I Ever Really Know You? (SG TFOne Fanfic) - Chapter 5

Written right before Christmas Eve hehe, technically posted on Christmas Eve for me but ya know lmao

Anyway, since this chapter is completely in Dee's POV, this is what is going on in Starscream and Bee's POV. Optimus doesn't get a POV because this ain't about him.

Starscream: Pls just break up with this guy omg Bee: Pls just break up with this guy omg

prev | next

“Pax.”

“...I’ll allow it this time.”

There was an awkwardness in the air. Not hostility, they hadn’t reached that point yet. Dee hoped they wouldn’t but the lack of trust between both parties was quite clear. If he believed in the kindness of Primus, he may have prayed that everyone got out of this meeting unscathed.

“Is he necessary?” A sneer appeared on the Prime’s faceplate, and Dee didn’t need to turn his helm to know who Optimus was referring to. “You said you’d come alone.”

“I did.” And he had. After the stunt he had pulled by running away the first time, Starscream had been understandably more cautious that he couldn’t pull another one. Dee wouldn’t be surprised if the mech had intercepted Dee’s message to Optimus, even if Starscream was honorable. “You said the same.”

He turned his blue optics to the mech hidden in Optimus’ shadow. His gaze softened as he took in that familiar white and purple frame. They had only really known each other for a short amount of time - nothing like the bond he had with Pax - but Dee couldn’t help but be glad at the opportunity to see Bee again. He wished Elita was here, even if the femme might pummel him. He would have loved to see her again too.

“Hi, Bee.” He said softly, his vocoder cracking a little. The other mech must hold quite the grudge against him. Although the mech never showed it, Dee knew how lonely Bee must have been before they’d taken him with them. Cycles in Sub-Level 50 would have done that to any mech. Dee didn’t need to have met Bee’s “friends” - Steve and A-A-Tron - to see that.

He took Bee’s silent nod as confirmation that the mech was furious. He wouldn’t usually pass up an opportunity to talk.

“Dismiss him, and I’ll tell Bee to back down.” Optimus gritted out. Dee turned his gaze back to him, and the other mech quickly relaxed. Even now, he still demanded Dee’s attention. “We’ll talk. Just the two of us. The way it was meant to be.”

‘The way it should be,’ was left unsaid.

Dee turned his helm, pleading with his blue optics at the High Guard leader to leave - or at least to move away. There wasn’t any danger. Dee had insisted he and Optimus met at a good distance away from both the High Guard base and Iacon. They were on neutral ground. There wouldn’t be any opportunity for either of them to forcefully take the other hostage… At least, Dee hoped Optimus hadn’t lost himself enough to attempt that.

Starscream’s optics narrowed before transforming and flying a good distance away. Behind him, he could hear Bee’s tires scratch against the ground before turning faint.

Dee let out a small vent. He had prepared for this moment, but after many nights of uneasy recharge, a part of him almost wanted to run away. He turned his helm, meeting… yellow optics. His spark softened and he slowly approached Pax - and this was Pax. Even with the change in frame, even if the Prime towered over him, Dee knew his Pax. Dee knew those yellow optics.

“I always knew you were wasted as a miner. We both were.” Tentatively, they both sat down on the ground. If Dee closed his optics, he could pretend they were back in the mines or on the roof, sitting together. Pax raised a servo to the back of his helm, an almost sheepish look on his faceplate as his optics turned to Dee’s new arm. “If you want your old arm back…”

“No. Keep it.” The thought disturbed Dee but he had a strange feeling that Pax should probably have something of his to keep him company. Even if it was his old arm. He suppressed a shudder. “I cannot say being Prime suits you.”

Those optics flashed red, but calmed. Pax wouldn’t fall for his bait, and honestly Dee was surprised by his own bluntness. Then again, he had spent astroweeks with the High Guard. He must have picked up some habits.

“I cannot say the cannon suits you either, Dee. If you had proven yourself to me and to Primus, that cannon wouldn’t be a separate weapon from you.” The jab was expected, but it almost sounded forced. Pax was frustrated by the turn of the conversation. Those yellow optics barely even glanced at the cannon that Dee had brought with him (not that he had wanted to bring it, but Starscream and him made a deal). Pax was only reaching for an insult. “He granted Bee and Elita a T-cog. He blessed the mechs who pledged allegiance to me, the one and true Prime—”

“You had my allegiance the day we first met, Pax.” It was more than that. They both knew that. Dee felt more than a simple allegiance. 

After astroweeks without Pax, Dee had come to understand that Pax had known. He had always known what Dee felt. The fact that he had blinded himself about it nearly made him furious, but mostly he wanted to cry. Cry at how foolish he had been. Cry that Pax had understood Dee’s feelings and had strung him along. Cry that Pax had known and had encouraged it, out of a sick enjoyment. Dee understood that his friendship with Pax had been real but Pax had enjoyed playing with his feelings - the ones he couldn’t return.

“But you won’t have my submission, Prime.”

He expected the other mech to turn furious now. Instead, the Prime surprised him by reaching out to hold his servo. For the first time in astroweeks, Dee could feel Pax’s warmth again.

“I don’t want your submission, Dee.” The other mech let out a weak and shaky vent. It surprised him. Dee had only ever seen Pax so vulnerable once. The day they were taught the truth.

“Then what do you want, Pax?” 

“You.”

Dee could feel his processor nearly overheat at the word. How many recharge periods had he spent hoping to get an inkling of this? 

Surprise quickly turned to indignation as he realized what was happening.

“Pax. I am tired of this sick joke. I am not the fool of a mech I once was. I know. I know.” The Prime was crazy if he thought Dee would fall for it again. Pax had a better chance (not that Dee would have ever agreed!) appealing to their old friendship than to the feelings that Dee held for him. “I have spent every rotational period after you banished me going through our relationship. I don’t doubt that we were friends, maybe one day we could have been Amica Endura, but do not pretend that you didn’t know that I felt more for you. Do not play me for a fool. Not again.”

The other mech’s optics were wide, intake agape as Dee finally let out the torrent of hurt he had felt. He had been in denial. He had even bargained to himself that Pax returned his feelings. He’d come to accept that he’d been nothing but foolish. Forgive him if this was perhaps the first time he’d snapped at Pax, but he was not about to let the other mech encourage feelings that would never be returned.

“Dee… what?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me, Pax.” Dee scoffed, before softening as his optics gazed into hurt yellow. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he still loved this aft of a mech. “You have always sought knowledge. May it be through the archives, or through observation of other mechs. You love to learn. Everything and anything. When you were not in the archives, you were learning about those around you. You were learning about me too. I know you know that I loved you.”

Dee let out a choked laugh. “Why, Pax? Our friendship was real, so why did you have to play with my feelings? I would have taken the sparkbreak. It would have passed eventually. Our friendship would have remained as it was. That kind of love would have been enough—”

“You loved me?” There was shock in the other mech’s voice. “Loved?” 

Dee felt a tension in the air. A danger that he had stumbled into. His processor ran through what he had said. He didn’t see what was wrong. What threat was the Prime sensing that would cause him to act differently now?

He tried to untangle his digits from the other mech’s servo, but the grip had tightened - Dee could almost hear the metal of his own servo creak.

Ah, he was still pretending.

Dee didn’t understand why Pax was using this strategy. Was the Prime so eager to play with his feelings and then reject him?

“Yes, Pax. I loved you.” Dee gave the other mech a disappointed look. “Don’t pretend to be innocent, I won’t defend you from this. You—”

It surprised him when Pax let go of his servo, only to grab the back of his helm, preventing his escape as the other mech leaned forward.

“I’m sorry.” He felt Pax’s warmth all over his faceplate. His blue optics stared deep into the yellow. “But you know I never accept what I’m given.”

He didn’t even get the chance to feel the sparkbreak at the rejection (and here he thought he’d finally accepted that all he could have ever had with Pax was friendship) before he was being closer into—

Oh.

They were venting hard by the time Pax finally let go of his helm.

Dee was trying to process it despite how he could feel his entire faceplate and processor overheating.

Pax wouldn’t have kissed him just to prove a point, right?!

The other mech hadn’t moved away yet, their faceplates still close together that Dee was nearly scared that Pax would steal the limited air in his vents again.

“Would you still say ‘loved,’ Dee?” A cheeky grin crossed Pax’s faceplate, and Dee thought back to all those times he’d seen it - usually after Pax had done another stupid scheme of his.

“Why did you…?”

A servo reached up to caress the side of his helm, yellow optics closing.

“I admit it was only a game at the start. I wanted to see how far it would go until you realized. You were so foolishly easy to trick. Always so willing to follow. Always so willing to be mistreated.” There was a hint of anger in Pax’s voice at the word. “It was supposed to be a game, then I realized I cared for you - and how much I hated that you always accepted the way things are. I hated that you chose to be a miner. I hated that you believed in Sentinel despite everything he did. I hated that you never tried to pursue me even though you love me - because you do love me and you always will.”

Dee couldn’t find the right words to respond to that.

Then Pax let out a small smile, “Mostly, I hate that I only realized I love you when I lost you.”

Dee let out a sharp vent. This really wasn’t a sick joke.

Still, he felt sick.

“It doesn’t have to be that way, Dee. We could have everything we ever wanted.” 

He dreaded what was next.

“Come back to Iacon. Let us build the future. We would rule together.” Pax gave him another cheeky smile. No, not Pax. Prime gave him that smile. “I’ll even let you be a mathematics professor on the side. I always thought you’d be good at teaching sparklings and younglings—”

“No, Pax.” Dee leaned away. No, he pulled away, standing back on his pedes.

He knew his sudden retreat would make Starscream fly back. Optimus following after him would alert Bee into returning too.

“What? Don’t tell me you—”

“Maybe we loved—” A quick glare made Dee rephrase, “Maybe we love each other, but I won’t stand by and let you reinforce the suffering Sentinel caused.”

Those yellow optics turned red. The peace was gone. Despite himself, Dee could feel his servo tighten around the cannon he had brought with him.

“Pax, please. Listen to me. It doesn’t have to be this way. I know you were chosen to be Prime, and I… I understand that you were angry at what Sentinel had done… but you cannot perpetuate the pain he and the Primes have done. We could build the future together. We could still free every Cybertronian from the cycle of suffering. No more tyranny. No more ruling over every mech. Stand down. Let the people be free—”

“I freed us. I freed all of Iacon. Soon, I’ll free us from the threat of the Quintessons.” Optimus loomed over him, servos clenched by his side. “Under my rule, every mech is equal.”

“‘Under your rule, every mech is equal,’ do you hear yourself? Don’t you see what you’ve done? How much of Iacon have you left in shambles? How many dissenters have you killed, Prime? How many more would you kill to stay in power?” Dee could feel his own voice raising. 

The last time he had seen their home, Optimus’ followers were in the process of tearing down every remnant of Sentinel’s influence. How many innocent mechs had lost their lives because they refused to follow what Optimus had demanded of them? Optimus had killed Sentinel to secure power. He would kill to keep it. And Primus would reward him for it.

“The Primes are chosen to rule over every Cybertronian. We are chosen by Primus himself.” Optimus was daring him to challenge this statement. “I’m allowing you to rule by my side even if you are—”

“Even if I’m what, Prime?” Dee challenged him back.

Clearly the Prime had enough self-restraint not to bite the bait. Dee had to give him that. 

He shook his helm, “The Iacon you envision, it’s not what I want. You wish to rule over every mech. The sole decision maker, free to use your power to quell dissenters and heretics. You’re no better than Sentinel, no, you’re no better than the old Primes. Warmongers and murderers.”

“I know what is best.” The Prime growled out through gritted denta. “Primus chose me, you don’t know what is best for Iacon, Dee.”

“I know that I won’t go with you.” He began to back away, feeling assured that Starscream was behind him. The mech had been right to distrust the Prime. Dee was glad that the High Guard leader had followed him. He had been a fool to think that he could convince Pax. “Cybertronians should know the freedom which is their right!”

“Oh, Dee. I told you. We are free.” The Prime’s smile held such malice that Dee shuddered. “Under my rule, we are free.”

“Then we are at a disagreement.” 

There was a long silence. Dee didn’t know what else to say - wasn’t sure he trusted himself as he felt his spark break slowly. The Prime was staring at him, those red optics never leaving him. Though they had changed, Dee could still see Pax in them - somewhere in there.

“Do not be a fool, Dee. I am a Prime. You cannot go against what Primus himself has decided. I know what is best.” The other mech’s vocoder dropped to a low whisper, “You know I’ve always known what is best for us.”

Dee let out a small vent. The Prime wasn’t wrong. Pax, even if he went about it aggressively, had been right. Dee should never have had to give up his dream, and now he didn’t have to. He’d rebuilt himself a new arm. He’d created a cannon. He’d computed the probability of them forever parting. Pax had always said his processor deserved more than just the mines. Pax was right, but the Prime was wrong if he thought true freedom and dreams could be achieved underneath the oppressive rule of a tyrant.

“In the past. You knew what was best for us in the past.” Dee gave him a sad look. “I will miss the old us. I will miss what we could have been, but you know that from today we will be walking two different paths. Maybe it was always meant to be this way.”

The Prime scoffed, “I thought you didn’t believe in all that mystical nonsense.”

“I don’t.” Dee felt his optics softened. “I hope that one day we shall see through one another’s optics, that we will come to understand one another, the way we couldn’t before. That is a small probability. It was inevitable, I think, that we were meant to end this way. The probability of it… We always had conflicting views, Pax. The computations don’t lie, this was meant to be. There is one constant in the numbers…”

He stepped back, turning away. He needed to be the one to make the first move. He’d spent astroweeks without Pax. He’d had enough time to use his processor, to compute the probabilities, to go through the formula. He hadn’t believed it at first, but he’d come to accept it. What they were was gone. This whole meeting… had been merely closure on Dee’s part.

“There is one constant in the numbers.” Dee laughed a little, “In a better phrase for you, there is one constant in our fates, no matter the universe, I think we were always meant to part.”

He looked at Optimus Prime… He looked at his Orion Pax for the last time. 

Because he will no longer be his after this.

“Goodbye, Pax. Another constant, at least in this world, is that I will always love you.” His blue optics turned cold. He’d said his goodbye to the past.

Now, there was only the future. He stared up at the Prime. “Our fight… it’s only begun, Prime.”

He walked away.

He stopped when he heard laughter behind him.

“Brilliant as always. But tell me… did you calculate the probability of me ever letting you go?”

[beerok23]

Excerpt from Chapter 6 - The Smithes

“So, you’d rather spend the rest of your life cultivating a platonic friendship with the man who’s most definitely your soulmate?” “If that’s my only option, yes.” Oh, God. Aziraphale really believed this bullshit. Maybe this time Maggie needed a more brazen approach. She closed her eyes and took a deep sigh to muster up the strength she needed for her next words, “Aziraphale Fell, you are a complete IDIOT if you think that Anthony J. Crowley doesn’t love you back. That man has been head over heels for you for five years, honestly, how can you not see? I don’t care how you do it, just TALK TO HIM!” Aziraphale pouted, “Nina’s having a bad influence on you.” “Thank God!” Maggie retorted. “I’m serious, Az. Have you got any idea how many times Crowley has asked me about you at work? ‘Oh, Maggie, does Aziraphale like this book?’ ‘Hey, Mags, do you happen to know if Aziraphale is already planning to go see this play?’ ‘Maggie, can you find me this Shostakovich record for Aziraphale?’ – He’s so obvious, and it infuriates me that you two aren’t together yet!” Aziraphale looked flabbergasted. Oh, so he never knew about this? “But– the other night–” “Forget it, will you?” Maggie raised her voice again. “Have you considered that maybe he was just as embarrassed as you were? As scared as you?” Aziraphale seemed to ponder on her last words for a moment. “Oh, Maggie.” He finally spoke. “I think you might be right. It’s time I stop living in fear and try to be brave. I need to tell him that our friendship isn’t enough for me anymore. That I wish we could have… something more.” Maggie was so taken by her attempt at helping Aziraphale that she got very irritated when people started going back and forth behind them. Someone was going back inside after their cigarette break (right now, Maggie would do literally anything for a hit) while others were getting outside to take their place. “And what about Brown?” Aziraphale snorted, “I have a feeling that Brown already knows that I’m hopelessly devoted to him. I did so little to hide it. It’s time he understands that I love him more than anything in this world.” Once again, Maggie heard the door opening and closing behind them. But she didn’t care anymore, because Aziraphale had just come to the conclusion he should have reached approximately 1800 days before. “Oh my God, this is so exciting I want to cry!” She jumped, her voice all squeaky. “You’re really doing this?” Aziraphale beamed at her, “I am. And you know what? So are you.” Maggie’s good mood changed drastically, “I am what now?” “You’ll tell Nina that you love her. And I know she’ll say it back.” Maggie lost all of her confidence, “Wh-Why are you sure she’ll say it back?” Aziraphale just shrugged, “Because it’s Christmas. And at Christmas you tell the truth.”

Betaed by @hermiola 💛💛💛

TAG LIST @firephoenix2305 @on1occasionfork  @moralsofanalleycatsposts  @captainblou @bellisima-writes @shadesofecclescakes @ineffablerainstorm @pookasluagh @somewhere-in-wales @missunderstoodlyrics

The Grass is Always Greener - Ch. 1

It’s almost Christmas in Whickber Street, a quiet neighborhood in the little town of Tadfield. Mr Brown sees the upcoming holiday as the perfect chance to throw a party to impress Mr Fell, the charming bookseller who lives next door. He must deal with Mr Crowley, though, an annoying astronomer who moved to Tadfield five years prior and became best friends with Mr Fell. Mr Crowley and Mr Fell both secretly wish that their relationship was something more, but they are two idiots, so they keep on pining for each other under the scrutiny of Comma, Crowley’s very insightful cat. ~ A Good Omens Christmas AU ~

A huge shout out to my Beta @hermiola 💛💛💛

For @pookasluagh, @ineffablerainstorm and @somewhere-in-wales

Excerpt from Ch. 1 - Utterly Ridiculous

“It’s the most — wonderful Christmas instalment I’ve ever seen, Crowley.” Mr Brown tried to ignore the fact that his response was coming along with the chorus of Somebody To Love – and was that a blush on Mr Fell’s face? “How did you build this up on your own? I’m pretty sure this wasn’t here yesterday.” Mr Fell looked extremely impressed. And also in awe. How Mr Crowley hadn’t realised that their neighbour was obviously enamoured of his presence was a mystery worthy of being studied. “Oh. Well, uhm. You know. Yeah, mmm, I just… I worked on it last night.” “Sounds like an impossible job for only one person,” Mr Fell noticed. “Not impossible, no. Just… intricate.” “I didn’t picture you as a modern music lover, Mr Fell.” Mr Brown interjected, trying to spark his interest (to no avail), but sparking one of Mr Crowley’s infamous glares, instead. “Oh, well, I’m not a fan of… bebop, per se,” Mr Fell elucidated, immediately thwarting Mr Crowley’s attempt to retort, “But I’ve become quite accustomed to Queen. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only music that Crowley’s car likes playing.” Mr Brown ignored the fact that Mr Fell was talking about an inanimate vintage Bentley as if it were a sentient being. “It’s rock, Aziraphale, for god’s sake!” Mr Crowley immediately moved his tongue in his mouth as if he was trying to deal with the lingering of a very bad taste. “And to be fair… it is a bit loud, my dear.” Oh, Mr Brown would have given an arm to be called that. But he was already sadly and pathetically aware of the fact that the possessive adjective only applied to a scrawny-man-in-black. Another thing that the idiot hadn’t realised yet, apparently. Perfect, now the idiot was smiling that smug smirk of his. Mr Crowley manifested a remote control from a pocket of his far too light jacket (it was December, how could he cope with going around almost undressed?!) and pressed a combination of buttons. The music changed, and Queen gave way to a very soft and mellow piano track. Mr Fell recognised it immediately and put his hands on his cheeks. Brown couldn’t tell if they’d just reddened for the cold or because he was blushing. “Oh, Crowley! It’s Debussy.” Brown witnessed impotent as Mr Fell gawked at Mr Crowley with that look in his eyes. “I asked the project designer to add a second combination to play at night. I didn’t want Freddie’s vocals to keep the whole neighbourhood perpetually awake for a month.” “Debussy’s Clair de lune is my favourite piano piece.” Mr Fell’s hand was metaphorically on his heart, now. “I know,” came Mr Crowley’s bashful answer. Mr Brown sighed in exasperation. You see, one could only stand a certain dose of languid looks of understanding between these two idiots. And when you were forced to witness such knowing looks day after day, after day… Well, let’s just say you would have developed a slight idiosyncrasy towards redheads too.

[billy-hargrooves]

ANTHONY BOYLE and NATE MANN | Hit Radio Quiz

[miodiodavinci]

collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon

[chrryblsssm]

❝     i     just     like     to     be     wherever     you     are,     you     know?     even     if     i     need     to     get     some     work     done,     it's     nice     just     to     be     working     near     you.     ❞     most     of     the     time,     she     wanted     to     be     down     in     the     front     row,     watching     as     close     as     she     could,     but     with     her     latest     project     starting,     she     was     working     more     and     more     from     the     team     suite     lately.     ❝     i     like     how     we     met.     we     met     at     the     perfect     time,     huh?     ❞     she     asks,     eyes     sparkling     as     she     looks     up     at     him.     she'd     never     really     wanted     to     do     the     long     distance     thing     until     she     met     quinn.     nobody     else     had     ever     been     worth     missing     like     that.     but     now,     she     couldn't     imagine     a     world     where     she     didn't     date     him     just     because     it     was     hard     to     figure     out     when     they'd     see     each     other.     they     made     it     work     and     it     was     worth     every     second     and     every     flight     booked.     

❝     you're     the     two     most     important     people     in     my     life.     i     just     never     wanna     make     either     of     you     feel     like     you     come     second,     you     know?     i     guess     until     you     give     me     a     baby     and     then     everyone     is     coming     second     to     the     most     perfect     angel     the     world     has     ever     seen.     ❞     she     teases,     scrunching     up     her     nose.     she     would     make     no     attempt     to     hide     that     she'd     put     their     kids     first;     she     knew     he'd     be     the     same.          ❝     but     in     all     seriousness,     there     could     never     be     a     competition     because     you're     the     love     of     my     life     and     that's     something     my     sister     can     never     be.     just     like     she's     the     other     half     of     my     soul     and     nobody     could     ever     take     that.     ❞     it     wasn't     complicated,     really,     she     was     just     hyper-aware     of     not     wanting     to     hurt     either     of     their     feelings     or     making     either     of     them     feel     less     than.     ❝     we're     very     special.     super     lucky     and     very     special.     ❞     she's     so     happy     as     his     arm     wraps     around     her     legs,     happy     to     be     snuggled     up     on     him     like     this,     able     to     actually     be     in     his     lap     while     they're     together.     she     craved     this     kind     of     touch     when     they     were     apart.     ❝     do     you     want     to     maybe     go     on     a     little     overnight     getaway     and     do     something     while     you     have     a     couple     days?     maybe     just     drive   �� a     few     hours     down     the     coast     and     get     a     hotel     room?     have     a     nice     dinner,     hang     out     by     the     water.     just     you     and     me?     ❞

    ❝    definitely would've been cute, but- i was still very happy to meet you when i did pretty girl.    ❞    he hums, cupping her cheek in his hand and just smiling down at her, looking into her eyes.    ❝    i really do love having you at my games. even if you're doing your work half the time- i really don't care, i just... love knowing you're there. i love that you want to show up for me. and i want to show up for you, too. you're my girl.    ❞    he knew to an extent, whoever he dated it would be long distance to a degree, and being with mila that was certainly the case, but... he loves her and he loves being with her. and they take advantage of the time they do get together, like these next few days.

    ❝    i know it's not a competition. i know how much you love me, and i love you so much, mila... i just also know how special you and daisy are to each other. you're twins. i don't doubt your love for me. not even for a moment. we're different parts of your heart. and i'll always be so happy that you have daisy in your life.    ❞    it makes him genuinely happy to know she always has her twin sister. no matter what's going on, where she is, or where he is... mila has daisy. and quinn loves mila, and so how could he ever not want her to have the best.    ❝    oh that's very cute.    ❞    he grins, a laugh as he smiles at her, wrapping an arm over her legs as she's now curled up on him.    ❝    we're just special, sweetheart.    ❞    he says, leaning in to meet her lips with his in a soft kiss. there's so much warmth between them now. it's not a wonder they fell so fast.

[autumnrory]

woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done