#we need 2 goals
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I don’t wanna watch anymore.
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Q: Why hasn't the SAG-AFTRA strike been resolved?
A:
#yep that's right it's because of four greedy billionaires#four greedy billionaires who have publicly stated their goal is to starve us out of our homes and make us lose our health insurance#four greedy billionaires who spend more on shoes than most actors make in a year#this is why we need to break up the entertainment monopolies#bring on usa vs paramount act 2#union strong#sagafta
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Very Minor Spoiler for Episode 7 (S2) of Rings of Power
Thinking casually about Galadriel's declaration earlier this season that caring for that which is most fragile and most dear is the duty entrusted to all elves and how Celebrimbor's gentle care in noticing and greeting that little mouse is what allowed him to see past Sauron's deception. :)
#the rings of power#trop season 2#trop spoilers#celebrimbor#“hello mister mouse” what if I weep?#The way that caring for even the most fragile or insignificant of things is how you defeat darkness#the mouse is the message of the entire show#this whole season#galadriel was wrong when she asked elrond to put defeating sauron above all other goals: even her life#because abandoning your friends to peril or death in the pursuit of the destruction of evil is never the message#and we're going to see that play out with nori and the stranger the way we saw it play out with elrond and galadriel the way it played#out with miriel and elendil the way it played out with galadriel and celebrimbor the way it played out with new southlands girl and isildur#the way it played out with gil galad and elrond the way it played out with arondir and theo the way it played out with berek and isildur#the way it will play out with elrond and durin the same way it has always played out from sam and frodo to aragorn legolas and gimli#with merry and pippin or in standing by those in need like bilbo with thorin and company like#this is the story <3
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dream visit (nostalgia) - a 2nd anniversary katfl comic
#wooo wooo yayyyy uayyy happy anniversary#happy birthday elfilin and elfilis my beloveds#kirby#elfilin#fecto elfilis#idk if i should tag this as forgo#katfl#LOTS of talking abt this piece in the tags below#i wanted to do some kinda thing and I got this idea for a comic#so i just kinda went in and did it messy#not really worrying too much about how it looked#and I like how it came out I think#even if elfilin looks kinda bad at some parts#kind of a sequel to my old dream visit post?#that one I gave elfilis/forgo the tunic script but I didn’t feel like doing it this time#this one i was kinda thinking about like. ok#identity and stuff and how it differs for them#i know forgo and elfilis are 2 separate entities#but i like drawing elfilis#so i think in this dream scenario where they can kinda be whatever#they’d show themself as elfilis#because that’s what they are trying to become again anyways#and really elfilin is only a small part of the whole#so forgo IS far more ‘elfilis’ than elfilin would be#similarly they just keep saying ‘i’ whereas elfilin sees that form and thinks ‘we’#forgo being kind of self centered: they don’t need elfilin to achieve their goals#that being destruction which elfilin would inhibit#except they do to actually become elfilis again#idk whatever I should stop talking#wybs art
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the chunin exams arc was so interesting for how it portrayed sakura's potential and how people in her life influenced it. kakashi lying about the team-based enrollment criteria because he thinks sakura would be likely to sign up only to appease sasuke, and being genuinely surprised when she shows up anyway. naruto being completely oblivious when sakura was upset preceding the exams and also after she cut her hair in the forest of death. naruto literally dreaming about saving sakura from enemies, being the hero to her damsel-in-distress. sakura moulding herself into a perfectly feminine lady because that's what society demanded and what she thought sasuke would want. versus sasuke calling her out for focusing too much on romance instead of her skills like she should be doing. sasuke picking up that she was upset because she felt inadequate and reminding her of what she was best at -- maybe even better than him -- and never begrudging her for it. ino hacking into her mind because she was sure, not a single doubt in her mind, that sakura would know the answers to the impossible questions on the written exam. ino and sasuke both stepping in to save her during her fight with the sound nin, but only after being spurred on by the brutal beating she took. ino and sasuke getting frustrated with naruto when he commented on how her haircut looked because it made sakura trivialize her experience and offer a fake explanation about women being fickle. the flashbacks revealing to us that ino affirmed that she would one day bloom into a beautiful flower. ino and sasuke serving as a catalyst for sakura to get stronger before pt 1 and pt 2 respectively. idk do you see what i'm seeing
#haruno sakura#inosaku#sasusaku#idk considering sakura's main goal as a character....#it's just so touching they're the only ones we see who ever seemed to expect something of her. believe in her even...#and tsunade eventually ofc. really really wish we had more of that dynamic#and i dont wanna discredit naruto he did cheer her on during her fight w ino#i just think this theme of knowing and encouraging sakura's potential is not really. true of ns as it is for is and ss#which is why whenever i see those 'naruto was the only one who saw sakura's REAL self' posts a part of me shrivels up and dies#the 'real self' in question = beating him up for little to no reason#and like sure it alludes to her real personality but it's not a healthy expression of it. that's why it occurs w far less frequency in pt 2#anyway i'd need a whole other post to delve into that but let's just say it's really not an interpretation i enjoy#naruto meta
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Keychain Update! <-
The batch came into me a few days ago, only for the majority, if not all of them to have a printing error! Some have it more prominent and/or in different locations but they all appear to have a faint white outline to them, which the initial batch did not have.
I contacted the company to have the batch remade, here is hoping they can get a new batch to me soon with no errors!
Apologies for the shipping delay this will cause, but I thought it would be better than giving you all anything faulty. In exchange I am also giving you all a little surprise bonus sticker :)
I cannot give an exact ship date at the moment, I will update you all, and send them out as soon as I can!
In the meanwhile... I need to look into options for adopting out all these B-grades..... so.... so many of them.......
#2al merch#everyone cheer the company on to speed redo the order#pretty please#pretty pretty please#its going to take about 10 days for the new batch to even GET here so...?#2 weeks?#is that the new estimated ship out date?#I mean go me#I am still holding by my goal of before the 21st that was on the initial listing#but yeah I will probably make a separate listing for all these b-grades#and would be sold for cheaper ofc#I will probably get to that once the new batch comes in#meh we get there when we get there#but oh my god#theres so many of them#they are going to eat me out of house and home#sniffles#i cant care for them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!#theres too many to love!!!!!!!#all these poor baby b grades need loving homes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oh yeah if you bought a keychain already but you want two#just like.#let me know#ill throw in a b grade free of charge#looks up* wow thats what I call a tag wall
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Now it's likely we will enter everyone's dream what do you think azul dream would be?
rubs hands Ohhhh anon, you're in luck because I have so many thoughts.
Since I also have ideas for the tweels, I'll take this time to write what I think all the Octavinelle dreams will be like. Most of these are my own thoughts, but some ideas are from friends. And because I love the trio so much, I'll also write my own ideas of what would possibly get them to wake up and such.
General notes before listing the individual dreams:
May be an obvious point, but I think all 3 of them will have each other in their dreams. Octa trio are very close, and I don't think they can imagine not having each other in their lives. It also matches how their initial dorm card art have each other + how all three of their stories are tied together.
I think that Jade is going to be the Octavinelle dream segment's SSR because of the twins, Kalim and co. will likely have an easier time waking Floyd up. Jade may need some prodding from someone more familiar with him.
However, I do acknowledge the argument made by my friend that it is possible for Floyd to be the SSR as he's the rightmost one in the order you find at the lessons (if you notice, the order goes Ortho > Lilia > Rook > Kalim (though Kalim is an exception) with Sebek in between Lilia and Rook, and they're the rightmost ones in their dorm order seen in lessons. Floyd is the rightmost one in the Octavinelle order). And I wouldn't be surprised if TWST decides to pull that out. But admittedly, I don't know what exactly would make Floyd's dream deep enough that he needs to be woken up by someone more familiar, so I write the dreams with the assumption that Jade will be the SSR.
Though not necessarily going to be important in the following ramble, I have a feeling that they will release Coral Sea's hometown event to be able to use certain assets (i.e. backgrounds, possible official reveal of Azul's merform) in book 7, just like Vil's hometown event was used for the Pomefiore dream segment.
As a disclaimer, I don't have full translations of the last two updates so I may not have the most accurate ideas for how the Octa dream segment can turn out because there are patterns they're following here. Many of these are still brainrot induced (even though I think I make good logic wheezes).
Ok, with all that said, here are my thoughts for the Octa trio's dreams :>>
Floyd Leech: Living underwater with Jade and Azul
It's not a secret that Floyd is at his happiest when he's in his merform. Among the trio, he's the one who transforms the most often into his merform. Some incidents include the time that he transformed during swimming class according to Ruggie (Book 3) and Vargas Camp where he transformed to get fish. Floyd is also the one who tells the most stories of his time under the sea with Jade and Azul. We know about their middle school band because of him (Robe Kalim vignette); we know about Azul's actual size in his octopus form because of him (Beans 2 main story); we know about the music contests they used to join because of him (Portfest Floyd vignette).
So it makes sense that his dream would be in the sea, where he's in his merform. It's also going to be pretty simplistic, depicting a happy life underwater.
TWST tends to be very comedic, especially with the first dream. So my friend suggested it would be fun if there were literal fish versions of the cast in his dream 😂 so we could have live2D assets of a literal goldfish Riddle, crab Ace, sea snake Jamil, etc.
Jade and Azul of course would be in merform along with him. Maybe they might be playing in their middle school band: Floyd on drums, Jade on bass, and Azul on piano (and maybe their audience is composed of the NRC cast as fish).
In this dream, maybe Floyd has no memory of ever being on land with Jade and Azul. So that may be what the others will use to wake him up.
Jamil would probably remind Floyd of basketball club days + dancing, and Ortho would probably remind him of his love for shoes. These could be pretty reasonable as the permanent card vignettes (so SR Robe/Lab, R Uni/PE, SSR Dorm) seem to be compliant with the canon of the main story. Grim would probably remind him as well of Book 3's events and how he'd do fun shit with Azul and Jade at the Mostro Lounge. They would probably remind him as well that Jade and Azul love what they do on land.
I don't know where to insert this, but it's very likely that Azul in this dream does not hate his merform. Floyd talks highly of his merform (whether it looks yummy or very strong), so it's possible that he wishes that Azul loves himself just a little bit more (I really want to say it is hinted at, but at the moment, I have no idea if that's correct, let alone say where it is hinted at, so I won't say it like it's canon). And by extension, this can be Floyd's way of sharing that maybe Azul wouldn't have OB'd if he was more accepting of himself.
Jade Leech: If Azul never overblotted
Jade's dream would take a similar path to Rook's dream, in which the premise for the latter is that Vil never overblotted because he's not in conflict with Neige. And for Rook, that's okay, he just wants Vil to be happy, even if he looks on from afar. Except that for Jade, he wants to be the reason that Azul didn't have to overblot.
See, it's very subtle, but Jade is probably upset or even traumatized from Azul's overblot. While he never shows this (this motherfucker istg) the one small bit of evidence of this is in Book 4. Jamil's hypnotizing everyone, and Kalim, Azul, and the rest are frantic as they don't know what to do. But as Jamil is about to overblot, Jade tells him to stop, or else he will overblot. And that's a very interesting thing: why is it Jade who's the one telling Jamil that he'll overblot at the rate he was going? Why not Azul, who's both fascinated with Jamil and the one who underwent overblot? Or even Grim and Yuu who have 3 experiences of overblots by that time? Of course, that's not necessarily a guaranteed indication that Jade is upset from Azul's overblot, as in general, overblot is very dangerous and could kill a life. Jade may have been saying this to prevent Jamil from entering a life-or-death situation. However, I still find it intriguing that it's Jade who's warning Jamil, especially when another instance of another character trying to stop an OB was Kalim, who followed Vil since he was reminded of Jamil's own OB (and we know Jamil and Kalim have been together since forever).
There's two ways that this can go: either (1) Jade's dream follows like Rook's, or (2) it goes the opposite of Rook's.
In (1), Jade (and consequently, Floyd) would not be friends with Azul, and Azul would continue on as he is, only a lot more independent.
(1) stems from the fact that the plan Yuu hatched to destroy Azul's contracts was hinged on separating the twins from Azul. Jade might have realized this, either in Book 3 or off screen post Book 3. And in a similar fashion to Rook, he might blame himself a little bit for Azul not being able to get the contracts off of Leona on his own due to the fact that he and Floyd are always with him. So in his mind, he thinks he might be dragging Azul's potential down, and he knows how much Azul wants to become the best version of himself. So maybe he looks on from afar as well. Maybe he's still an Octavinelle student, but not the vice leader.
(2) also stems from that same fact, but it also has an additional element: In Book 3, Jade asked Azul if they should do anything about Leona, since it was unexpected for Yuu to stay in Savanaclaw. Azul replied that he probably won't act on anything, so he says not to disturb him. What if Jade might have been hooked onto this? That maybe he should have acted more upon his suspicions? That maybe he should have been more attentive when spying on Yuu and co to find out when they hatched this plan? So maybe in dream (2), he had a countermeasure or he just knew when to nudge Floyd to go back to the dorm before Leona destroyed the contracts. Then once that was dealt with, they deal with the photo and bam, Azul wins and they get the Ramshackle branch.
Both (1) and (2) are connected by Jade's wish in the Dances and Wishes event, where he expresses that his wish is for Azul's and Floyd's wishes to come true. In a sense, (1) fits this a bit better than (2). There's also the idea that moray eels have a cowardly nature, according to Floyd. (1) could be an expression of said nature within Jade.
But if you ask me, I think (2) is a bit more in line with Jade. Firstly because I doubt he can imagine not being close to Azul, secondly because I think in his ideal world, I think he'd wish he had more control over what happened (and Jade has a thing for control).
Thirdly, it matches in terms of how his dorm card and Rook's dorm card are both same and different. The gameplay of TWST tends to be intermingled with the story and characters at times. Dorm Jade and Rook both have first spells where they boost their ATK stat for 3 turns, with fire as their duo element. The differences between them are (a) card typing (Rook Attack vs. Jade Defense) and (b) M1/M3 elements (Flora/Water Rook vs. Water/Flora for Jade). This parallel can be reflected in their dreams vs. the reality of their situations. Rook dreamt of never being involved with Vil, but in real life he was in time to intervene and save Neige. Meanwhile, Jade would dream of being on time to stop Leona, while in real life, he was too late and only in time to kick Azul's ass out of his overblot.
And fourth, this is where you may wonder: Isn't Azul's second dream going to be the Book 3 AU, based on the patterns with Idia, Vil, and Jamil? To which I answer: yes! Definitely! But here's where I'm going to point out something: Jade and Azul not only have similar ish mindsets but also have the same paintings in their initial Platinum card art, just with flipped positions. I like to think that this is reflective of their dreams, where both of them wish to change the same events of Book 3, except that they'd go about it differently.
Jade would definitely be woken up by Floyd, who would remind him that what happened has already happened. (On this note, I wonder if we'll get to see one of their vicious sibling fights so Jade can wake up, but I'm just dreaming at this point)
By virtue of him being the SSR, we gotta think of what's the scenario that would make Jade cry! Him having to fight the fake Azul and Floyd might break him. Yeah, he's fought Floyd and all, probably dueled with Azul too, but it could be different when he has to be 100% serious about it. Either that or, there might be some part of him that hates the fact that it was a dream. And Floyd would have to snap him out of it, saying that everything is okay.
Azul Ashengrotto: Ultimate business owner + Book 3 AU
The first dream we enter, in typical Azul fashion, we're likely going to see him owning a whole chain of Mostro Lounge restaurants! And maybe not only that: he's probably running a hotel or two, he's got a delivery service going, he probably has a monopoly running while we're at it. Basically, it's all the stuff that he lists down in Book 6 before he sleeps on Riddle's shoulder.
His businesses expand over both land and sea. Since Azul prefers being on land, we may see him on land first before diving to the sea to check on business there. And that's where the first confrontation happens.
I think Azul would feel practically invincible by this point! And by invincible, he not only has everything he wants, but there's not a trace of his past to be discovered, so people think he's always been this intelligent and strong. So when he's confronted by Jade and Floyd, who share memories of his past (his shared past with them, from middle school to NRC), that's the first instance of Azul slowly starting to wake up and him panicking about his perfect world being fake. And it almost works until the dream versions of Jade and Floyd come in and remind Azul of the kind of invincible person he is.
Then they descend to the second dream, which is the Book 3 AU where Azul got his contracts from Leona and probably beat his ass. Except that the difference between this and Jade's dream is that Azul does this all by himself. When dream Jade and Floyd get back to him with the photo, they're praising him, all like, "Good job Azul! You're so strong and powerful! I'm glad I get to hang out with someone as awesome as you are!"
But the real Jade and Floyd would try to stop him from destroying the photo and tell him that it's a reminder of who he was, and how much he's grown. And if Azul succeeds in destroying that photo, Jade and Floyd would pull out the photos that they carry with them (think the album from the opening). They want him to accept the person that he was, and realize the person he is now is someone who's grown stronger. He has become better.
On how his dream would collapse, this is tricky. I would want that Azul destroys his contracts (thereby breaking the deal he made with Yuu, which would entail that his happy end has been broken), but him not destroying the photo would also cause the dream to collapse since the way to his happy end involves removing all ties to his past, namely the photos. He could do both. However, the trend so far is that foreign influence affecting the happy ending is what would break the dream. If anything, if Jade and Floyd do have their own copies of Azul's past photos, that means that the presence of those indicates that Azul's ties to his past are not broken at all, and therefore they would break the dream.
Then as per pattern, the others leave while Azul sinks deeper to try and wake himself up. He meets his OB self, who's steeped in his insecurities and is very unaccepting of his past. And this is where Azul accepts those insecurities and accepts his past but will continue to move forward with his life and grow to be a person he can be proud of, and fight his OB self. Then he faces his first dream and dream Jade and Floyd, and then he wakes up eventually.
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst jp#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#twst theory#tldr they need each other fr#if you ask me i absolutely think jade and floyd would exhibit their same difference schtick#in which they have their individual ways of expressing smth but at their core they have similar desires/goals/feelings#like i think floyd might partially blame himself too for azuls ob or if not blame himself he at least wished he never had to see it happen#its just that to him if azul was more accepting of himself like how floyd accepts him then azul wouldnt have been hurt enough to undergo it#ofc it needs to be said too that jade and floyd want each other to be happy#idk how Exactly they'd go about that but im sure for jade he wants floyd to be able to do what he wants#and floyd wants that he and jade are happy tgt under the sea#tho i do admit my ideas for jade's dream are more azul focused than floyd focused esp (2)#(1) would defs be able to encompass floyd's wishes more alongside azul's#i still want the tweels to brawl after seeing kalim and jamil throw down in the latest update lmao#like how vicious would they get and would they actually fight over how they shouldve handled a matter deeply involving someone they care fo#i demand to see more fists thrown tbh for a school thats built up to throw hands we dont get enough full blown fist fights#edit 1: its jamil who accompanies them not kalim#edit 2: added in the photos in azuls part bc my friend talked about it and i COMPLETELY FORGOT HOW IMPT THE PHOTOS ARE TO AZULS STORY
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i think the kraken should hire krakenblr to sit behind the bench and be so silly to keep morale high
#kraken lb#im sure the team would love “FIVE GOAL IN 2 MINUTES? EASY!” “THEY JUST NEED TO GET 5 PENALTIES AND WE ARE GOLDEN” constantly in background
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#anti milkvan#anti byler#anti mileven#stranger things#eleven#eleven stranger things#will byers#mike wheeler#byler#bylovers#bylosers#milkvan#mileven#stranger things 5#WE NEED TO SOLVE THIS#st s5#byler is real#byler endgame#mileven endgame#max mayfield#mileven is bones#stranger things 1#stranger things 3#stranger things 2#el hopper#jane hopper#eleven hopper#michael wheeler#my goal was to fill the tags#i think i can do it??
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eusgahhhhh goddddd the lazy urge to just beg the internet to mansplain killer's lore to me in baby talk so i can finally GET IT and then the other less appealing urge to actually do an analysis on him so i can form my own opinion and observations. fucj
#im so tired maaaan eudgahhhhhh#i need to come up with more asks to ask people#because apparently i want to do that now. whats wrong with you brain why do you want this#im so TIRED i could EAT a WHALE!#i need to DO IT. I NEED TO ACTUALLY DO A FUCKING KILLER ANALYSIS ITS BEEN TOO LONG#thanksgiving break is coming up will that be enough for me to want to study him with my magnifying glass#this feels like sans and papyrus are the energy controlling angel and demons on my shoulders#speaking of classic undertale this has actually nothing to do with undertale LMAO#but i can just imagine myself as chara in the murder time trio fangame fight#aaaahahahahahaha horror would be so maaad <33333 i DID just destroy his entire au after all :333#and dust would be FURIOUS!!! BOTH OF THEM!!!! SO PISSED AT ME!!!!#i just took away one's place of achieving a goal and another's place of demented comfort#yeaaaah those two would be SO pissed heehehehehehe#horror never gets to have his potential happy ending because i took it away#dust never gets to honor all those he killed and put an end to what he did because of ME#the murder time trio fangame concept is SO underrated guys. touken-kamui's mtt is AMAZING#and because i look like a chara of course killer's got an entire internal conflict going on#FUCK alright sure. unsure of where this thought process will lead but we ball. me when thinking about anything killer related (i am unsure)#ANOTHER fucking chara messed up his life eruaghhhh and to make things worse they dont even seem to LIKE something new#touken-kamui's chara seems to be a megalomaniac instead of a shitty sadistic scientist#i would look so similar to the one that he doesn't know if he hates or not#should he fight alongside these 2 strangers or should he submit like he always did to his chara. to this NEW chara???#and this is all just assuming this is that 1 ending where killer kills chara and hasnt met nm yet (my favorite ending)#EFUAGH!!!! would killer stay back after the first few minutes. let dust and horror fight in steed of him as he deals w this#the two would be SO annoyed at him too. at this point if i wasn't there they'd probably kill eachother. or killer#well killer can't save or reset in the judgement hall that we got sucked into#so he actually has to put some value to his body and life if he wants to fight me#SEE WHAT I MEAN TOUKEN-KAMUI'S MURDER TIME TRIO IS AWESOME!!!!!#tricule rant#this got totally off topic from what the post was about but i should do it
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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i am a dying and wretched beast
#thoughts#just charted out how much work i have to do for this week.#my lab has a meeting every monday and we set a goal for the week and if we all do our goal then our boss buys us pizza#this is a scientific research lab btw.#anyways#my goal last week? fianlly run my 2% gel. I DIDNT DO IT#I DIDNT DO ITTTTT#AND I HAVE TO GO TO LAB AND BE LIKE soryr guys no pizza !#i didnt do my STUPID GEL IVE NEEDED TO DO FOR 7 WEEKS NOW#whatever i should just quit and die and find a hole to live in forever and eat dirt and become a grub
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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Stop giving people moral ocd or I'm gonna pepper spray your underwear drawer
#You don't know what kind of activism people participate in offline you don't know if they donate to Palestine AND AO3#Unless you spend a lot of time with them in person (in which case talk to them offline- we don't need to see that)#You do not fucking know these people!#Stop assuming the worst in others!#Why do you feel the need to berate the broke bitch website for being broke bitches?#Some of y'all sound just like the “Oh but you're not too poor to buy an iPhone” crowd#And imo that's far more embarrassing to be#Also some of the asks that have been going around ARE scams#And I have seen people who are verifying accounts asking you not to fucking share those#“Oh but the scammers probably need it more than me anyway”#1. If you're working minimum wage like I am no they fucking don't#2. Do they need it more than real Palestinians? The people you could be helping instead?#“Let's not play oppression Olympics” yeah okay!#Let's start by not shaming people who don't have money to share just because they're American and you personally don't believe they're poor#See how this works?#Also I HAVE seen at least 3 gfm reach their goals#2 raised the goal. One started a new gfm#So before you despair about nobody reaching their goals maybe check the notes? Just a thought.#I'm sure those 3 aren't the only ones
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another weekend, another job rejection!
#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal#Of Working In A Fucking Library#just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises#anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or#graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal#relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and#be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges#i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is#everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me#2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to#go further into debt#anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s#everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333#like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails
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STRONGLY considering injecting amity into the princess luz AU bc i know Exactly where she'd fit but the problem is that if i do that then i KNOW i'll fall down a fucked-up hyperfixation rabbit hole that only interests like six people at best. bc the amity-luz-hunter dynamic remains my kryptonite. i'm diseased about it. oooooh god oooh my god. oh my god. i have. Thoughts.
#lumiter is kryptonite the same way rodamnessy is. triad of genderweird fucked up gay people being every flavor of platonic romantic and#secret third thing. dynamics that GET ME.#may elaborate on thoughts in a little while but i need to clean now.#'gay people' meaning 'two genderweird bisexuals on opposing gender spectrum sides who love an abrasive gay asshole with a heart of gold#despite all the problems the three of them constantly cause each other'. two nickels. etc#toh#horrible mindscape trauma pals#and who is that other witch#lumity#i still need a lumiter specific tag. bc i dont wanna clutter the tag with non-romo shipping but it's also like.#not just a best buddies group 2 me either.#hmm you know what. if my luz hunter tag is themed after ronanessy... and lumiter are rodamnessy...#shitty idiot repression gang#YEAH GOAL THERE WE GO#(my rodamnessy tag is 'shitty idiot deflection gang.')
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