#we might need to — remove — him

[lizzybeeee]

Inquisitor: "Is there any way Solas can be reasoned with?"

Me after Solas has killed Varric, used blood magic on me, trapped me in the fade, created the blight, made the titans tranquil/fucked with the dwarves, started the chain of events that led to Southern Thedas being destroyed, and stealing all my good gear from Inquisition:

[alitteraladhdmess]

Hi I’m here to take your picture before the competition begins

Lee: Sure thing!! *herds in the others*

Angelo: Alright everyone say “Don’s a sociopathic serial killer who desperately needs therapy and Lee wants his will to live!!” :D

Lee and Don: wait what—

@tmntaucompetition

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[woundedheartwithin]

My mom’s patient care tech yesterday straight up could not believe I was 32. He asked me, “so how old are you, Caitlin” and he asked it like he thought he was talking to someone younger than him. And I looked at him like oh baby, no, you are the youngest person in this room rn and said “I am 32.” And he just stared at me and kept repeating it, then turned to my mom, who is high as hell on fentanyl, like “32?” And my mom giggled and said yeah, so he turned to my dad cuz clearly her loopy ass can’t be trusted, and my dad’s like yeah she’s 32. So he looked at me again and was like I never would have guessed you’re 32, you don’t look it at all. And I’m like yeah I get that a lot, how old are you? And he goes “…I’m 24” lmfao

[analyzingadventure]

You know I actually never realized this before-- so you remember how tri. retconned Original Chosen fighting and defeating Apocalymon into them fighting the Dark Masters instead? (To be fair it is possible they could've ALSO fought Apocalymon afterwards but that isn't the Epic Final Showdown tri. decided to depict so it's borderline a retcon)

If the Original 5 Chosen fought and defeated the Dark Masters once in the distant past, doesn't that mean that

A) They survived and hid for just a few thousand years until they came back for a Round 2 at conquering the world

B) They died, were reborn, and THEN went for the Round 2

You know I've just DYING with curiosity, desperately wanting to know if any of the villians in Adventure would ever be reborn after Adventure, right. Because according to the lore they should, right (unless their data was like somehow absorbed by Apocalymon and destroyed along with him (though that would still leave Piemon as an exception (and Vamdemon but we all know what happened to him) and the sole survivor))

And what tri. has essentially done is confirm that most of them should, in fact, be reborn sooner or later

But that just raises the question of if Apocalymon was lowkey driving the Dark Masters nuts (as suggested by the novels), and if tri. was kind of about destroying the last remnants of Apocalymon's data (within Meicoomon), if they were reborn this time would they be free of Apocalymon's influence

If so, would their third (?) lives then turn out different? Would they still try to take over the world all over again for funsies (this time just without Apocalymon giving them power etc), or were they just the same as Ken was in Zero Two? I mean Apocalymon was supposed to be a spawn of Milleniummon and Ken was infected with Mille's malice directly, so while it may have been a bit filtered it was still the same source of malice and corruption, right

And like regardless of how their next lives would turn out, shouldn't the kids (OR AT THE VERY FUCKING LEAST GENNAI) like realize that this is going to happen eventually and like. Go and see if they can find them (either as their pre-Ultimate forms or even when they're still in their Eggs) and try to figure out what to do BEFORE shit hits the fan

I JUST

[platonicallylovesick]

Current brother ranking has gotta be

Beel & Bel (tied for first. NO NOT JUST BECAUSE THEYRE TWINS I just love them that much

Satan

Levi

Mammon

Lucifer

Asmo

[alangdorf]

& btw I’ve lost about a week of my life to thinking about this egg. Hi

[running-in-the-dark]

feeling like absolute shit today.

[lemondropletters]

I know I’m making a joke but you really don’t understand how angry I am at the recent news.

[Video Captions: “Why are you the way that you are? / Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. / I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”]

[deadpresidents]

"What emerged in two interviews with Trump, and conversations with more than a dozen of his closest advisers and confidants, were the outlines of an imperial presidency that would reshape America and its role in the world. To carry out a deportation operation designed to remove more than 11 millions people from the country, Trump told me, he would be willing to build migrant detention camps and deploy the U.S. military, both at the border and inland. He would let red states monitor women's pregnancies and prosecute those who violate abortion bans. He would, at his personal discretion, withhold funds appropriated by Congress, according to top advisers. He would be willing to fire a U.S. Attorney who doesn't carry out his order to prosecute someone, breaking with a tradition of independent law enforcement that dates from America's founding. He is weighing pardons for every one of his supporters accused of attacking the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, more than 800 of whom have pleaded guilty or been convicted by a jury. He might not come to the aid of an attacked ally in Europe or Asia if he felt that country wasn't paying enough for its own defense. He would gut the U.S. civil service, deploy the National Guard to American cities as he sees fit, close the White House pandemic-preparedness office, and staff his Administration with acolytes who back his false assertion that the 2020 election was stolen."

-- "How Far Would He Go", TIME Magazine's interviews with Donald Trump, April 30, 2024.

I know we're saturated in coverage of Trump and it's easy (and probably better for our mental health) to usually ignore most of the articles when we see them, especially since he's so full of shit and infuriating. But it's also important to recognize that he is going to be the Republican nominee for President and he could absolutely be elected in November, and if you thought his first term was scary and dangerous, you need to understand that in a second term he's going to have people around him that are better prepared and VERY willing to do the crazy shit that he wants to do to this country. They aren't even hiding the fact that they are seeking vengeance against political opponents whom they feel have wronged them, and are ready to fundamentally dismantle the democratic foundations that are barely holding this country together after nearly 250 years.

Just look at what Trump says about the people who he incited to attack the United States Capitol in an attempt to overturn the results of the 2020 election and halt the peaceful transfer of power that has happened every four years since 1789:

"Trump has sought to recast an insurrectionist riot as an act of patriotism. 'I call them the J-6 patriots,' he say. When I ask whether he would consider pardoning every one of them, he says, 'Yes, absolutely.' As Trump faces dozens of felony charges, including for election interference, conspiracy to defraud the United States, willful retention of national-security secrets, and falsifying business records to conceal hush-money payments, he has tried to turn legal peril into a badge of honor."

Oh, and please note that Trump -- a former President of the United States and possible future President of the United States -- said on the record in these interviews with TIME: "There is a definite antiwhite feeling in the country and that can't be allowed either." We are at a point where political leaders are outright saying that in this country again, and it's because of Donald Trump.

So, take the time to recognize that Trump is straight-up telling us the country we're going to be living in if he wins again in November. And understand that your vote matters -- and WHO you vote for matters -- because, as I've been saying for years now, ELECTIONS HAVE FUCKING CONSEQUENCES.

[ooooo-mcyt]

Grian gets flack sometimes for how quick he moves on, but it's less about being disloyal and more about his inability to be alone.

When Grian is on a team, he is inconsolably devoted. Grian will spend episodes doing practically nothing but trying to keep his teammates as healthy as he possibly can, and he will practically never walk out on someone, no matter what, even if he thinks he should, even if it might be better for him to.

But he's no stranger to loss, and Grian knows that when your team is gone, you can't skip a beat. Part of it is about his own survival, naturally. Solo players don't often get too far. He's already losing time every second he's by himself, and self preservation is a strong driver.

But beyond that, Grian personally cannot bear to be alone with himself. We see it every time he's a solo player (whether because his team dies or because he just hasn't found one yet), Grian doesn't feel like he's anything when everyone else is removed from the equation. Grian needs somebody to help, somebody to take care of, how is he supposed to exist in silent beats and empty air? Does he even exist? What is he without them, any of them?

[spokenforyou]

sylus x fem reader

NIGHT OF SECRECY

synopsis: sylus leaves in the morning for a few days, but you don’t want him to leave just yet. notes: haven’t posted because i was focusing on LADS, but this is heavily inspired by the new card, using lines as well. i pulled all 4 cards! so i might make one for each boy. warnings: unprotected, vulgarity, body worship, cream pie wc: 2.1k

[minors don’t interact… by choosing to interact with this content, you are consenting to view something that is not appropriate and nsfw despite warnings!]

Safety first right? You’re staying with Sylus in one of his safe houses, located somewhere in the N109 Zone. You’re out of reach from anyone, so that means he’s entirely yours until he leaves for a couple days.

You’re dreading it, how could you possibly survive without him? How could you satisfy your needs?

So you take it upon yourself to make this night memorable, to make him crave you.

After a long night out, Sylus carries you to his dimly lit room, you in one arm, your shoes in the other. When he nears the couch, he stops. His eyes gaze into yours and he smiles softly.

“If you don’t want to lie down, I can keep holding you until I leave.”

You respond quickly as he slowly sets you down on your feet with a smirk.

“What if I don’t want you to leave?” You smile back, a flirtatious one at that. Sylus catches on and nods.

“Then… We better make the most of our time before dawn.” He holds his smirk and you push him down on the couch. Your legs coming to rest on the outsides of his. His hand wraps around the back of your thigh and grazes your bottom, squeezing it.

You connect your lips to his in a hungry kiss, and he pulls away briefly.

“You really don’t want me to leave…” He smirks before pulling you back towards his lips. His hands move to your waist, pulling you against him.

Sylus deepens the kiss, his fingers gripping the sides of your waist, pulling you even closer to him. His tongue parts your lips, licking the inside of your mouth, tasting you. Sweet honey.

Your fingers slide across the open of his shirt, feeling his firm chest. He moans into your mouth, low in his chest, the sound sending a shiver down your spine.

You can feel the heat and weight of him between your spread thighs when you rock into him gently. His pants tighten more and more as the kissing goes on.

He pushes his hips up to meet yours, a low growl leaving his throat. His hand grips your ass, kneading it and pulling you down against him. You softly moan and whisper, “Over there…”

He rises, effortlessly lifting you into his arms and walking towards the bed with ease. Lips never leaving yours…

“Anything you want, princess.” He places you down, climbing over your body. His lips crash back down onto yours and he grinds against you once more. The open area allows him freedom, he takes advantage of it.

His lips drag down towards your neck, biting it and sucking, leaving marks to be seen for days.

“You can be even greedier, kitten…” He whispers before coming back up to face level.

“Don't look…” Sylus places a hand over your eyes and kisses you once more, his hand attempting to hide his desperate need for you. God, how he loves your lips. Soft and felt like home. They were so inviting, and only he could taste them.

His hands roam all over your body, and he slowly pulls away. He slides his shirt off before working on removing your layers.

Once bare, his mouth works its way down your neck, to your shoulder, across your collarbone. His warm tongue travels over the top of your breast, teasing biting your nipple before trailing down the underside.

He puts his focus on your breasts for a bit, swirling his tongue, biting, and kitten licking. Knowing how to please you he smirks at the sounds you make.

“Fuck…” You let out the quietest moan. You can feel the heat and weight of him between your spread thighs, still fully clothed. He pulls away to look at you, his eyes dark and full of hunger but cautious.

“You okay, baby? We can stop. You know I won’t mind.” His eyes lock on yours as your chest heaves.

“I’m okay Sylus.” You smile as you finally catch your breath.

“Yeah, but… Do you want this?” Sylus runs his hands along your legs, feeling the smooth skin beneath them. Body of a goddess.

“I need to hear you say it, sweetie.” He kisses where his fingers run.

“I want it Sy… I-I want you.” You correct yourself and he nods before reaching for your skirt.

Sylus latches onto it and pulls it down, along with your underwear. The damp fabric is thrown behind him and he drools at the sight of you. So needy and hungry for him, like always.

“Looks like you don’t even need foreplay baby…” He chuckles and runs a finger along your heat, wetness gathering on his finger. His pink lips press a quick kiss to your clit.

You giggle quietly and roll your eyes. “Never need it with you.”

Sylus agrees with you wholeheartedly. You have always been excited by Sylus. Whether it be just being near him or the lightest touch of his pinky finger.

He pulls away and undoes his belt, his hands moving quickly to pull down his pants and boxers, eager to satisfy his and your need.

His cock springs out, standing tall and pulsing. He gives it a couple of strokes before approaching you once more.

“On your stomach, baby.” His eyes drink you in as he speaks and you quietly do as told.

Sylus moves up behind you, straddling your body with his legs. He grabs your hips and slides you towards him. The weight and heat of his body pressing against you, his hands on either side of your head as he kisses his way down your spine.

His hands run along your skin, grabbing your ass in particular before he pulls away. He moves to get up off the bed, his footsteps soft over the carpet as he makes his way to the other side of the room.

You hear a drawer open, rummaging through some things before it closes again, his footsteps padding across the room to the bed.

He grabbed a bottle of lube, squirting the tiniest bit on his length, to ease you. He knew how big he was, and how much the stretch is, he never wanted to hurt you.

“Spread your legs for me, love. Just a little wider for me, mmkay?” Sylus says in the softest yet dominating voice as he comes up behind you, spreading the lubricant.

He moves in between them and grips your hips, pulling you up so you’re resting on your hands and knees. He leans down into you, the hard line of his length against your back.

“You feel that?” He moans against your neck as he places open-mouthed kisses there, and his hands wander over your body again.

“Please…” you whisper and he growls, immediately wrapping a hand around himself to press the tip to your aching entrance.

“Breathe, okay?” Sylus holds onto your hip with one hand, his other hand comes up to the back of your neck in a light grip.

Holding you in place and keeping your head pulled back, he slowly begins pushing inside. A low moan escapes both of your mouths.

The right squeeze of your walls almost causes him to burst right then and there, but luckily he can control his body.

“You gotta relax for me.” He groans, stilling inside of you until you loosen.

“I… I’m trying…” you whine and nearly collapse on the bed.

He leans down and kisses you between your shoulders. “I know. You’re doing so well. Just bear down a little for me, love. Push back into me… Just like that. That a girl.”

Your hips press against his, allowing you to relax against him. He lets out a hiss once he finally bottoms out and you moan. Taking that as a sign he moves a bit.

Sylus slowly pulls out almost to the tip before pushing back in. His hands gripping your hips again, lips leaving openmouthed kisses along your neck and shoulders, biting gently at the skin.

You can feel his muscles tense behind you, his whole body shaking with the effort of trying to hold back. His pace quickens, hand holding the back of your neck, keeping you in place as he leans down to whisper in your ear.

“Tell me how you want it. Nice and gentle or..” He slides back in deeper, a moan leaving his chest as he bites your ear. “Hard and fast.” He moans into your skin.

“You want it rougher? Say the words for me and I’ll give it to you.” His lips and teeth find your neck, leaving behind little love bites as he works his way to your ear.

His voice was a low, almost whisper, “Just say it and I’ll give it to you, princess.”

You nearly let out a bratty whine at his words. “I want you to give it to me good, Sy… Just let go.”

You barely recognize your voice, breathy and full of desire, a desperate, needy sound you didn’t even know you could make.

At your words, something seems to snap inside him. Sylus’ body suddenly tenses up behind you and you can feel his grip on you tighten, his breathing changing to low, ragged almost growls, his breathing growing labored.

It’s like he was just waiting for you to say the actual words. He pulls back and then thrusts forward, setting a hard and fast pace from the start.

The sudden change in pace has you reeling. You can barely breathe as he drives into you from behind, the new angle allowing him to reach deeper than you could have ever imagined.

Moans and groans fill the room as you guys enjoy each other and then he hits that spot inside you.

Sylus’ hand tightens in your hair, his body pressed firmly against you as he mutters out a string of words.

“There you go, there’s my good girl, taking all of me like you know you should.” His voice was laced with honey and desire.

You were too cock drunk to even respond. The only thing on your mind was him. He leans down, his voice dark and rough with desire.

“That feel good? Say it. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head. Let me hear you.” He hits that spot again, a low growl leaving his lips and you nearly give out. Stars cloud your vision as you near release.

“Feels so good, Sy, so so good.” You finally manage words and he pushes you down completely.

You lay flat as he plunges into you at this new angle, his legs pushing yours together. The two of you feel more, and a tighter feel.

“Sy… I’m so close.” You moan into the mattress and he groans. He can tell. It’s like he can hear it in your voice. He can hear your breaths come out faster and rougher, how you’re gripping the sheets, your legs tensing up…

“Yeah, you’re close for me? You gonna cum for me, beautiful?” Sylus picks up speed to get himself closer.

You clench around him and let out a cry of his name. He follows suit with a loud moan, thrusting through your climaxes. His tip nearly bursts through your cervix as he shoots his warm essence inside your womb.

Painting your walls, and filling your stomach, he groans while he pulses. You milked him, and it was always something you were good at.

“Fuck…” You let out a subtle whisper as you pant, and you hear his chuckle behind you.

“Mmm, got that right. You drained me, kitten.” He kisses your back before pulling out.

You wince at the loss of contact, and he flips you onto your back. Sylus moves to grab a tissue from a box near the bed, quickly cleaning in between your legs. He smirks.

“Such a mess kitten...” He pulls back up, throws away the tissue, and lays down.

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you flush against him, his soft lips trailing over your neck and jaw and down to your shoulder.

Sylus holds you close while his breathing evens out. His hand gently comes to rest on your stomach, massaging the skin there.

His thumb rubs small circles, lips still finding that same spot on your neck, still leaving tiny kisses there.

“You feeling alright, love?” His words break you out of a daze.

“Mmm, yeah I’m good Sylus.” You chuckle and he smirks against your neck. He softly kisses your neck and shoulder and gently presses himself up against you harder.

“Good. I wanted to check.”

His hand slowly moves down your stomach, coming to rest on your mound. “You sure you’re good? Not too sore? Not too tired?”

“I’m sure.” You whisper back and let your eyes rest. He moves closer and surrounds every part of you.

Sylus whispers low in your ear, his voice gentle.

“If you’re sure… then I wanna try something. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop. Just let me know.”

He gently grabs the bottom of your thigh, pulling it back, bending it at the knee, and pulling it back over his thigh.

He presses himself up against you, the weight of him resting between your thighs, his lips finding your neck again as he gently presses small kisses along your skin, and he slowly grinds forward, just a little.

You gasp at the slight friction, and he smiles.

“Feel good, baby? You like that?”

“Mmm…” You bite your lip, holding back a moan, and he catches on. His swollen head slips and slides between your folds as he bites down on your skin.

Slowly, Sylus’ tongue traces over his bite to soothe and ease the sting, his fingers trailing down your side to your hips. His breathing changes, becoming heavier when he grinds against you a little harder, a quiet moan leaving his chest.

Sylus pants, feeling a new urge of need course through his body.

“You know, there are a lot of things I wanna do to you, a lot of places I want my mouth on… Let’s go for round two kitten.”

[captainadwen]

Damian Wayne vs the World

Sixteen year old Damian Wayne is on the hunt for a younger sibling. Being more discerning than Bruce 'child collector' Wayne, Damian's firm criteria for Batman's latest adoption problem includes but is not limited to: black haired, blue-eyed, tolerable humor, not evil, and most importantly - younger than Damian.

Lucky for him, fourteen year old newbie vigilante Danny Fenton is the perfect fit. Now, to fulfill his end of their deal, Damian must defeat the evil government organization hunting Danny in order to gain a baby brother.

Or, @livinghalfway your post made my brain go !! but in such a different way I figured it was better to make a separate post, hope you don't mind/enjoy still

~~

Damian Wayne re-entered Tim Drake's life like a gnat revealing itself in a closed bedroom space. Tim was in t-shirt and a boxers, maneuvering ramen into his mouth with one hand and scribbling out an epiphany on a murder case with another, when Damian's demonic dulcet voice echoed down from the ceiling. "Drake," said Damian, judgemental, "You live like this?"

Tim nearly choked on his ramen, because the day Damian doesn't attempt to murder him - however doubtfully accidental this incident might be - is the day Darkseid decides to be friends with the Justice League. "Fucking knock," Tim coughed out. "And get out. No one invited you in."

"Put better traps if you don't want me here," said Damian, dropping from the ceiling where he'd crawled in on wall-clamps.

"This is my apartment," said Tim. "It's called courtesy."

Damian sniffed. He padded around to Tim's desk and frowns at his cases, then said, with no further lead up, "I need your assistance."

"No," said Tim.

"You did not even listen to my request."

"Don't need to," said Tim. "Answer's still no. Door is that way. Bye."

"Father says mutually assisting each other is beneficial," said Damian.

"Father," said Tim sarcastically, "blamed me for you exploding a glitter bomb in the batcave two weeks ago."

"That is your fault for not being able to provide evidence to the contrary in an appropriately efficient manner," said Damian. He squinted down at Tim. "And he apologized. Eventually."

"I would not have glittered the batcomputer," said Tim. "Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to backup those servers? No, because you don't like tech work, you just profit off it."

"Blaming me for Father's mistake," said Damian, "Most mature of you. But we must put our differences aside. I have selected a new family member and I need you to dismantle a government organization."

That drew Tim up short. He blinked down at his ramen as though it might explain Damian's words to him, but the ramen remained disappointingly uninformative. "Repeat that," said Tim, gesturing with his chopsticks. "Slower, and with more detail."

Damian pulled out his phone and sent him an email. Silence surrounded them in the brief moment it took Tim to set aside his chopsticks and open the email. The subject line was titled 'New Baby Brother', which birthed all sorts of horrifying nightmares of Damian Part 2: Demon Child Boogaloo. The teen in the inserted picture, however, was reassuringly not in possession of Damian's bone structure.

He did have black hair and blue eyes. "Who am I looking at?" asked Tim.

"Daniel Fenton," said Damian. "He is fourteen years old, enjoys puns, and has recently awakened 'ghost powers' that allow him to transform into the vigilante Phantom to fight other ghosts."

"Is he also an orphan with a tragic backstory?"

"No," said Damian, and Tim relaxed. "But that will not be an issue. We can share custody if they cannot be removed from the picture."

"Jesus H, kid."

"I am joking, of course," said Damian blandly. "Murder is wrong."

"Ha ha," said Tim. "If he has parents already he's not joining our menagerie."

"He will," said Damian, with a smug upwards tilt of his lips. "He and I have a deal."

"So you're coercing him in addition to stalking him. Anything else you want to share with the class?"

Damian considered this query with a serious frown, which was how Tim knew this was not a flight of fancy or a very early midlife crisis (although with their lifestyle and Damian already having died before...).

"He has," said Damian after a moment, "a rogue that calls himself 'The Master of all Technology' and is a technopath." This was clearly meant to be of interest to Tim, and not to be a stereotype, but it kind of was.

"Great." Tim turned his attention back to the email the demon child sent him. He scanned through it quickly. There was apparently a secret and evil government organization dedicated to the investigation and extermination of 'ghosts' and other paranormal creatures in the world. Their latest efforts were focused on the town of Amity Park, Illinois, which was 'infested with ectoplasmic pests'. Their words, not Damian's. (It was specified in the email.)

"Okay," Tim drummed his fingers against his desk. "Before I help you defeat this secret evil government organization so that," he opened the email attachment with a contract on it and squinted at the legalese, "this poor newbie teen you've harassed into signing this joins the family in exchange."

"I did not harass him," Damian huffed. "It was a gentleman's agreement."

"Does he know that?"

"I am not a politician, Drake. I thoroughly explained the terms and legalities before presenting any contract. Now ask your question."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because," said Damian, tone implying 'you are stupid and haven't noticed something obvious, idiot'. "Father has begun saying he misses the noise around the manor and looking wistfully at old pictures."

"We still live there though?" said Tim. Damian looked flatly at him. "Sometimes."

"If you lived there frequently enough," said Damian, "you would already know Father is having...empty nest syndrome." Damian sounded disgusted. "I refuse to tolerate whatever inadequate and incompetent child he will find."

"So instead you found an incompetent and inadequate child for him?"

"Don't be stupid, Drake," said Damian. "I would not have chosen someone inadequate. Daniel is merely lacking formal training. Father can rectify this. It will keep him occupied for at least the next two to four years, which gives me enough time to find another black-haired, blue-eyed, tolerable child I approve of to be his successor and my second younger sibling." Damian paused. "Or until one of you procreates and gives him a grandchild."

"You're really serious about this," Tim whispered in horrified awe.

"I am serious about everything I do," said Damian. "Now, you will help me defeat this evil government organization so that our new sibling joins us."

"Okay," said Tim, but his mind snagged on a minor, throwaway detail, so utterly in odds with Damian 'Demonic Jealous Child' Al Ghul it surely came from another person - "Did you just call this kid your successor?"

[5sospenguinqueen]

Princess Party | Lando Norris x Best Friend! Reader

Summary: Lando enjoys participating in all night life has to offer, particularly with his best friend. When Y/N falls pregnant after one drunken night, he panics. After all, why should he trade a club party for a princess party?

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Baby fever. Loss of friendship. Pregnancy. Lando is not great in this.

Blonde female reader with various faceclaims. Pics found on Pinterest.

Main Masterlist

next.

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YourUserName just posted

liked by mclaren, lnfour and others

YourUserName a podium for my favourite boy 🍾🧡#AustralianGP tagged: landonorris

5,778 comments

YourUserName and another huge well done to my other papaya pookie @ oscarpiastri for p4 🥳

→ oscarpiastri i thought we agreed you’d stop calling me that

→ YourUserName WE agreed to nothing

→ landonorris um i should be your only papaya pookie

→ oscarpiastri disrespected in my home town

georgerussell63 excuse me, why don’t you make posts like this about me

→ YourUserName when was the last time you were on a podium

→ alex_albon hahaha

→ georgerussell63 @ alex_albon hey, i’m closer than you are

→ YourUserName now, now, children, behave

User1 is this his girlfriend?

→ User2 no, just his childhood friend. she comes to most races to support him as she’s been there since his karting days

→ User3 and she’s really close with the the grid, but particularly the 2019 rookies

danielricciardo well done, mate. well deserved

carlossainz55 always nice to share a podium with you

User4 i'm sorry but i can’t believe her and lando are just friends when she takes the most boyfriend-coded pictures of him

mclaren petition to hire y/n as lando’s full time photographer

→ alex_albon no, because i need her to be mine considering she actually managed to make lando look good

liked by YourUserName

→ landonorris oi!

YourUserName posted a new story

landonorris posted a new story

maxverstappen1 posted a new story

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User5 i KNEW they were more than friends

User6 oh so now she realises her ‘feelings’, now that he’s winning trophies

→ User7 bitch she’s been by his side since baby karting days

User8 you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me (the asylum being tricked into thinking y/n and lando were nothing more than friends)

User9 not max deleting his story after waking up and realising the consequences of his drunken actions

User10 y/nlando shippers rise! we’ve been waiting YEARS for this day to come

User11 what a gross invasion of privacy from that staff member. i hope they find out who it was and fire them

alex_albon @ LandoNorris awfully cryptic of you

danielricciardo @ LandoNorris how are you still alive

→ LandoNorris ‘cause I’m not old like you

User12 @ LandoNorris mr norris, tell us what you did

→ georgerussell63 more like who

(this comment has been deleted)

━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━

A month later

━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━

User1 looks like she removed everyone she didn’t personally know and made her insta private

User2 lando no longer follows her either

User3 what is going on in the house of commons

User4 maybe they truly weren’t dating but sleeping together screwed up their friendship

User5 looks like the rest of the grid still follow her tho?

→ User6 guys guys. GR63 isn’t following lando anymore either?!

→ User7 at least we know which side he picked in the divorce

→ User8 i'm worried this means lando did something wrong because whilst i love him, i can’t look past him screwing up their friendship just because he was thinking with his dick

User9 good, she wasn’t good enough for him anyway

→ User10 relax, he’s not going to shag you

━━━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━━━

YourUserName just posted

liked by zbrownceo, flonorris and others

YourUserName me and you against the world. little bean coming soon tagged: yoursister

1,200 comments

YourUserName i think aunty @ yoursister might be more excited to meet you

francisca.cgomes can’t wait to meet little y/l/n

georgerussell63 me and carmen are so excited. She’s buying baby clothes already

lilymhe i call godmother

→ francisca.cgomes nuh uh

→ alex_albon get in line

→ yoursister we all know i win this battle

→ georgerussell63 whoa whoa whoa, back off, you already get aunt

charles_leclerc so excited for you, y/n/n

carlossainz55 congratulations

danielricciardo heck yeah! i can’t wait to meet the bean

maxverstappen1 do i see a red bull onesie in the baby’s future?

→ charles_leclerc try a ferrari one

→ alex_albon we all know it’ll be williams

→ oscarpiastri racing baby!

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Baby Fever Angst Series

Tag list

@lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @callsignwidow @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery @dark-night-sky-99 @elijahslover @hc-dutch @mxdi0 @buckybarnessweetheart @ironmaiden1313 @dreamercrowd @yourbane @glow-ish @reguluscrystals

[onlyforyoukook]

Let’s make a movie | JJK

paring: jungkook x fem¡reader

synopsis: you suggested the idea, to make a sex tape with jungkook.

genre: one shot„smut„non idol au

wc 4.4k

their playlist 🙃: dollhouse - the weeknd & lily rose depp, for me? - asal, nice & slow - usher, anytime, anyplace - janet jackson, pony - ginuwine, earned it - the weeknd, or nah - the weeknd, skin - rihanna, when we - tank

WARNINGS: MDNI. filming, oral (m & f receiving), cum swallowing, pet names, aftercare.

You're sitting in your living room, snuggled up on the couch with Jungkook, watching TV. The credits of a movie roll on the screen, and you turn to him with a mischievous glint in your eyes.

“Hey, Kookie,” you say, a playful tone in your voice. “I have an idea.”

Jungkook turns to look at you, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. “Oh yeah?” he asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. “And what idea might that be?”

You lean in closer to him, a sly smile on your lips.

“Let's make a sex tape” you whisper in his ear, your voice low and seductive.

Jungkook's eyes widen slightly at your suggestion, clearly not expecting that.

“A sex tape?” he repeats, a hint of surprise in his voice. “Are you serious?”

You nod, your smile turning even more mischievous.

“Yeah, why not?” you say, your voice low. “It could be fun, and we could keep it just for us.”

Jungkook hesitates for a moment, considering your suggestion. He looks at you, his expression a mix of curiosity and uncertainty.

“I don't know, babe,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “Isn't that kind of risky? What if someone else sees it?”

You chuckle softly at Jungkook's concern, finding his protectiveness endearing.

“Babe, relax” you say, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. “Nobody will see it unless one of us decides to show it to someone, and it'll be on a camera, so it's not like it's just going to be floating around out there.”

Jungkook looks at you for a moment, considering your words. He knows you have a point, and he can't deny the idea is kind of exciting.

“Okay, fair enough” he says, his expression softening. “But we have to be careful with it, alright? No one else can see it, and we need to keep it hidden somewhere safe.”

You get up from the couch and head to the bedroom, where you have a camera stashed away in a drawer. You grab it and return to the living room, where Jungkook is waiting for you.

“Ready?” you ask, holding up the camera with a playful grin.

"Definitely ready," he says, his voice low and husky.

Jungkook grins back at you, his eyes sparkling with excitement and anticipation. He gets up from the couch and follows you to the bedroom, his steps a little more eager than usual.

Once you're both in the bedroom, you set the camera up on a tripod facing the bed. You adjust the angle and make sure it's capturing the entire bed and everything that will happen on it. Jungkook watches you intently, leaning against the wall and watching as you fiddle with the camera settings. He can feel his excitement building, his heart rate increasing with each passing second.

Once you're satisfied with the camera setup, you turn to Jungkook with a sultry smile. He pushes himself off the wall and walks over to you, his eyes fixed on yours. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him. He looks down at you, his expression full of desire and anticipation.

“So, where do we start?” he asks, his voice low and husky in your ear.

You run your hands up Jungkook's chest, feeling the hard muscles beneath his shirt. You look up at him, your eyes locked on his.

“Right here” you whisper, tugging on the hem of his shirt. “Let's get these clothes off.”

Jungkook grins at your suggestion, his hands already moving to remove his shirt. He pulls it off in one swift motion, revealing his toned abs and muscular arms. He stands there in front of you, shirtless and radiating confidence. He runs a hand through his messy hair, his eyes roaming over your body.

Jungkook steps closer to you, his body mere inches from yours. He reaches out and grabs your hips, pulling you against him. You can feel the heat radiating off his skin, and it sends a shiver down your spine. He leans down, his lips hovering just above yours.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now” he whispers, his breath hot against your skin. You shiver slightly at his words, your body responding to his touch and proximity. You look up at him, your eyes filled with desire and need.

“I think I have an idea” you reply, your voice a bit shaky. “Because I want you just as badly”

Without hesitation, Jungkook closes the remaining distance between you and captures your lips in a heated kiss. His lips are soft yet demanding, and he wastes no time deepening the kiss. His tongue slips into your mouth, exploring and claiming you as his own. He pulls you even closer, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist as he devours your mouth with his. He breaks the kiss only to trail his lips down your jawline and neck, nipping and sucking on your sensitive skin.

Jungkook lifts you up with ease, his strong arms effortlessly supporting your weight. He carries you over to the bed, his lips never leaving your skin. He gently sets you down on the edge of the bed, his hands already moving to remove your shirt. He pulls it over your head, tossing it aside carelessly. He looks down at you, taking in the sight of your bare torso, his eyes dark with desire. He reaches for the waistband of your pants, slowly unbuttoning them and sliding them down your legs, leaving you in just your panties.

Once your pants are off, Jungkook kneels down in front of you. He runs his hands up your thighs, his touch gentle. He looks up at you, his eyes burning with desire as he leans in and begins to trail kisses down your body. He starts at your stomach, his lips moving slowly and deliberately over your skin. He presses kisses along your hips, nipping and sucking on the sensitive flesh as he works his way lower.

Jungkook reaches your panties, and he gently slides them to the side, exposing your most intimate parts. He looks up at you one more time, his eyes locked on yours as he positions himself between your legs. He leans in, his warm breath hitting your skin as he moves closer to your center. He gives your inner thighs a few gentle kisses before focusing his attention on your clit. He licks a slow, deliberate stripe up your slit, tasting you and savoring the moment.

Jungkook moans against you as he continues to lick and tease your clit, his tongue swirling and flicking against the sensitive bud. He looks up at you again, his eyes locked on yours as he speaks between kisses.

“You taste so good, baby” he says, his voice low and hoarse.

Jungkook moves his hands to grip your hips, holding you in place as he begins to lick and suck on your clit in earnest. He uses his tongue and lips to drive you wild, determined to make you feel as good as possible. He alternates between slow, firm strokes and rapid, flicking motions, always keeping a watchful eye on your reactions to gauge what you like the most.

You can't help but moan and arch your back at the feeling of Jungkook's tongue on you. The sight of him between your legs, looking up at you with such desire and determination, is almost too much to bear. You reach down and tangle your fingers in his hair, needing something to hold onto as he works his magic on you.

“Oh god, Jungkook” you gasp, your voice shaky and filled with pleasure. “That feels so good”

Jungkook picks up the pace, knowing that you're getting close. He focuses his attention solely on your clit, his tongue moving in tight, circular motions. He uses his lips and suction to add to the sensation, creating a delicious friction that has you writhing beneath him. He looks up at you again, his eyes dark with lust as he notices the signs of your impending orgasm. He keeps going, not letting up for a second, wanting to make sure you cum hard and long on his tongue.

You can feel your orgasm building, the heat and tension coiling tighter and tighter in your lower belly. Jungkook's relentless attention to your clit is driving you wild, and you can feel yourself teetering on the edge of release.

You tug on his hair harder, unable to form words as you moan and whimper under his ministrations. Your body is tense, every muscle straining as you approach your climax.

With one final flick of his tongue against your clit, you're sent hurtling over the edge. Your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, washing over you in waves of intense pleasure. You arch your back and cry out, your fingers clenching tightly in Jungkook's hair as your body spasms and shudders with release. He keeps his mouth on you, lapping up every drop of your juices as you cum hard on his tongue. You lay there, panting and gasping for breath as you come down from your high. Your body is still tingling from the intense orgasm, and you can feel the sweat cooling on your skin.

Jungkook lifts his head, looking up at you with a satisfied smirk. He licks his lips, savoring the taste of you. As you start to catch your breath, you suddenly remember the camera. You glance over at it, still perched on the tripod, and an idea forms in your mind.

You slowly sit up, still a bit shaky from your orgasm. You look down at Jungkook, who is still kneeling between your legs, and smile.

“Hey,” you say, your voice a bit hoarse. “Get up for a sec.”

Jungkook looks up at you, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. He raises an eyebrow, but does as you ask and gets up from the floor.

“What's up?” he asks, his voice low and rough.

You stand up as well, and you take a step towards the camera. You can feel Jungkook's eyes on you as you walk, his gaze following your every move. You pick up the camera from the tripod, adjusting the focus and making sure it's still recording.

You turn to face Jungkook, camera in hand. He's standing there, watching you with a mixture of anticipation and desire. You hold the camera out to him, a mischievous glint in your eye.

“Here” you say, gesturing for him to take the camera. “You get to be the director for this part.”

Jungkook grins and takes the camera from you, adjusting it in his hands as he prepares to record. He looks down at you, his eyes roaming over your naked body as you crawl towards him on the bed.

You make your way up the bed, stopping when you're kneeling between Jungkook's legs. You reach out and hook your fingers in the waistband of his boxers, slowly pulling them down over his hips. Jungkook lets out a low groan as his cock springs free, finally released from the confines of his underwear. He adjusts the camera, making sure to get a good angle as you settle between his legs.

You settle yourself between Jungkook's legs, your eyes locked on his hard cock. It's long and thick, already hard and throbbing for you. You reach out and wrap your hand around the base, giving it a gentle squeeze. You look up at Jungkook through your lashes, a small smile on your face as you start to tease him. Jungkook's breath hitches as you begin to tease him, his eyes darkening with desire. He holds the camera steady, focusing it on your face and your hand wrapped around his cock.

He lets out a low, strained groan as you give him a few slow, deliberate strokes, your fingers trailing up and down his length. You look up at Jungkook again, your eyes sparkling with mischief. Without warning, you lean forward and wrap your lips around the head of his cock.

Jungkook lets out a low moan, his grip on the camera tightening as he watches you take him into your mouth. He adjusts the angle of the camera slightly, making sure to get a good view of your lips wrapped around his cock.

You slowly begin to bob your head up and down, taking more and more of his cock into your mouth with each movement. You keep your eyes locked on his face, watching as pleasure washes over his features. Jungkook lets out a string of curses, his breathing ragged and uneven as he struggles to keep the camera steady. He looks like he's struggling to hold on, his entire body tense with arousal. Jungkook watches you intently, his eyes never leaving your face as you suck him off. He lets out a shaky breath, his voice low and rough.

“Fuck, baby” he groans. “Your mouth feels so good.”

You continue to work his cock with your mouth, using your tongue to swirl around the tip and apply just the right amount of suction. You can feel him getting closer and closer to the edge, his breathing becoming more and more erratic. Jungkook's free hand tangles in your hair, his fingers gripping tightly as he tries to hold on. He looks like he's struggling to keep control, his body tense and his jaw clenched tight.

Jungkook lets out another string of curses, his words coming out in a jumbled mess as he gets more and more worked up. He's practically panting now, his chest rising and falling rapidly with each ragged breath.

“I'm not gonna last much longer” he grits out, his voice strained. “You're driving me crazy baby.”

You can tell that Jungkook is close to cumming. His body is taut, his muscles tense as he struggles to hold on just a little longer. You increase your efforts, bobbing your head faster and taking him deeper into your throat. Jungkook's grip on your hair tightens even more, his fingers pulling slightly as he tries to control the urge to thrust up into your mouth. He's panting heavily now, his breath coming out in ragged gasps. Finally, with a strangled cry, he reaches his peak. He throws his head back, his eyes squeezed shut as he lets out a stream of hot cum into your mouth. You swallow his cum, taking everything he has to give. You continue to lick and suck at his sensitive cock, wanting to make sure you've milked every last drop out of him.

Once he's finished, you pull back and sit up. You look down at him, a satisfied smirk on your face as you admire the wrecked expression on his face. Jungkook is still catching his breath, his chest heaving as he tries to recover from his intense orgasm. He looks up at you with a dazed expression, his eyes filled with a mixture of lust and awe.

You straddle Jungkook's hips, settling yourself on top of him. You can feel his cock twitching against your inner thigh, still slick with your saliva and his cum. Jungkook lets out a low groan as he feels your weight on top of him. He reaches out and grips your hips, his fingers digging into your skin as he tries to ground himself.

“You're going to be the death of me” he murmurs, his voice still shaky from his earlier orgasm. You smirk at him, clearly enjoying the effect you have on him. You reach down and wrap your hand around his cock, giving it a few slow strokes to bring it back to full hardness.

Jungkook lets out a strangled moan, his eyes fluttering closed as he arches up into your touch. He's still sensitive from his orgasm, but his cock responds eagerly to your ministrations, hardening once again under your skilled hand.

You position yourself above Jungkook's cock, the tip brushing against your entrance. You can feel how wet you are, your own arousal having been heightened by pleasuring him. Jungkook's grip on your hips tightens, his fingers digging into your skin as he watches you prepare to take him in. He looks up at you with a mixture of anticipation and desperation, his eyes dark and hungry.

You slowly sink down onto Jungkook's cock, taking him inch by inch until he's fully sheathed inside you. You let out a low moan as you adjust to his size, feeling the delicious stretch as your body stretches to accommodate him. Jungkook groans in response, his hands sliding up from your hips to your waist. He watches as you begin to ride him, his eyes glued to the place where your bodies are connected. He lifts one hand from your waist and grabs your breast, squeezing it firmly as he records you with his other hand.

Jungkook looks up at you, his eyes dark, as he watches you ride him. He squeezes your breast again, his fingers digging into the soft flesh.

“You're taking me so good, baby” he groans, his voice low and rough. “You feel so tight and wet around me”

You lean forward slightly, giving Jungkook a better view of your body as you ride him. You let out a breathy moan as you grind your hips down against his, taking him even deeper inside you.

“Feels so good, daddy,” you reply, your voice low and sultry. “Your cock fills me up so perfectly, love having inside of me.”

As soon as the word “daddy” leaves your lips, Jungkook's grip on you tightens even more. His eyes flash with something primal, and he lets out a low growl in response. He suddenly sits up, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against his chest. He buries his face in your neck, his hot breath fanning over your skin as he inhales deeply.

“Say it again” he growls in your ear. “Call me daddy again baby.”

You let out a shaky breath as Jungkook's arms wrap around you, pulling you close. You can feel his chest pressed against yours, his heart beating rapidly against your skin. You tilt your head to the side, exposing your neck to him. You know what he wants to hear, and you're more than happy to oblige.

“Daddy” you repeat, your voice low and breathy. “My daddy.”

Jungkook lets out a growl as you call him “daddy” again. He moves his mouth to your neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin there. He sucks hard, his teeth grazing against your skin as he marks you with a dark hickey. He pulls back slightly to admire his handiwork, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction.

“That's right” he murmurs, his voice low and rough.

Jungkook lays back down, holding the camera steady, recording as you begin to bounce up and down on his cock. He watches you intently, his eyes never leaving your face as you move on top of him. He adjusts the angle of the camera slightly, making sure to capture every moment. He wants to remember this, wants to be able to watch it back and relive it over and over again.

As you ride Jungkook, you can feel your orgasm approaching. The pleasure is building inside you, each movement of your hips sending waves of ecstasy through your body. You start to move faster, chasing your high as you grind down on his cock. You can feel him getting close again too, his grip on you tightening as he tries to hold on.

Jungkook lets out a low moan as he feels his second orgasm approaching. He watches you, his eyes dark and intense, as you ride him with increasing urgency. Suddenly, he can't hold back any longer. He lets out a groan as he comes, his hips bucking up into you as he spills inside you. As soon as he finishes, he quickly turns you over onto your stomach. He pushes your hair out of the way and grabbing the camera, ready to record your next position.

Jungkook moves behind you, positioning himself between your legs. He grabs your hips and lifts them slightly, giving him a better angle to slide into you from behind.

He doesn't waste any time, immediately starting to thrust into you at a relentless pace. He grabs your wrists and pins them above your head, using the leverage to drive his cock even deeper inside you.

As Jungkook pounds into you from behind, he lets out a low growl and leans down to your ear.

“Who does this pussy belong to baby?” he demands, his voice rough and possessive. “Say it.”

You let out a gasp as Jungkook hits a particularly sensitive spot inside you. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, and it takes you a moment to form a coherent response.

“It's yours daddy” you manage to say, your voice shaky. “My pussy belongs to you. It's all yours. All for you.”

Jungkook grins at your response, clearly pleased by your words. He releases your wrists and slides one hand down to your lower back, rubbing soothing circles on your skin.

“That's right baby," he says, his voice dripping with satisfaction. “You're my good girl. You know who you belong to, don't you?”

You nod, your head bobbing up and down as you try to focus on Jungkook's words. The feeling of him inside you, filling you up so completely, is making it hard to think straight.

“Yes daddy” you manage to gasp out. “I'm your good girl. I belong to you. Only you.”

Jungkook's grin widens at your repeated affirmation. He leans down again, his chest pressed against your back, and nuzzles his face into your hair.

“Good girl” he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. “You're so good for me.“

As Jungkook continues to pound into you from behind, he remembers the camera in his hand. He lifts it up and focuses the lens on where your bodies are connected, capturing the sight of his cock disappearing into your pussy. He groans as he watches, completely captivated by the way your body takes him in. He leans back slightly, giving himself a better view.

“Fuck baby,” he mutters, his eyes fixed on the screen. “Your pussy is so beautiful. It looks so good taking my cock like this.”

Jungkook can't take his eyes off the camera screen, completely mesmerized by the sight of himself fucking you. He lets out a shaky breath as he continues to watch, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic. He zooms in on your pussy, getting a close up shot of how your body stretches to accommodate his cock. He groans again, his voice thick with arousal.

“So tight...so wet...fuck...”

The sight of himself pounding into you on the camera screen is almost too much for Jungkook to handle. He can feel his third orgasm approaching rapidly, spurred on by the erotic sight of his cock disappearing into your tight, wet pussy. He groans again, his grip on the camera tightening as he struggles to keep himself together.

“Fuck, princess” he grits out. “I'm not gonna last much longer, you're driving me crazy.”

You hear Jungkook's words, and a smirk crosses your face as you realize how close he is to cumming. You clench your inner muscles around him, trying to push him over the edge.

“Cum for me, daddy” you gasp out, your voice laced with need. “I want to feel you cum inside me again.”

Jungkook lets out a strangled cry as he reaches his climax, his hips bucking wildly as he spills his hot cum deep inside you for the third time that night. At the same time, you feel your own orgasm wash over you, your body clenching and spasming around his cock as waves of pleasure course through you.

After a few moments of catching his breath, Jungkook slowly pulls out of you and sits up. He looks down at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of love and adoration. He runs a hand through your hair, gently brushing it away from your face.

“Stay here baby” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I'll be right back.”

He gets up from the bed and disappears into the bathroom. You hear the sound of water running as he starts running a bath for you both.

As Jungkook prepares the bath, you slowly sit up in bed and look around for the camera. You spot it lying on the bed beside you, and a mischievous grin spreads across your face. You pick up the camera and turn it towards yourself, zooming in on your face. You look thoroughly fucked, your hair a mess and your cheeks flushed from exertion. You turn the camera to capture the bed, focusing on the wet spots where you and Jungkook had been.

You pause for a moment, thinking about how far you and Jungkook have come in just a few hours. You never expected things to turn out this way, but you can't deny that it's been incredible. Jungkook walks back into the room, carrying a towel and a robe. He stops in his tracks when he sees you holding the camera, a smirk on your face. He raises an eyebrow at you, clearly amused by your antics.

“Whatcha doing baby?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

You hold up the camera and give Jungkook a sly grin.

“I'm recording the aftermath” you say, your voice laced with amusement. “I figured it would make for some interesting memories later on.”

Jungkook chuckles and shakes his head, clearly amused by your unabashed behavior.

“You're something else, you know that?” he says, as he walks over to the bed and helps you up. “Come on, let's get you cleaned up.”

He leads you into the bathroom, where a warm, inviting bath is waiting for you both. He helps you into the tub, making sure you're comfortable before sliding in behind you.

As you and Jungkook settle into the warm water of the bath, you let out a contented sigh. You lean back against his chest, feeling completely relaxed and spent. Jungkook wraps his arms around you, holding you close as he gently runs a washcloth over your body. He takes his time, being extra careful as he cleans you up. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Jungkook speaks up.

“I think that's the most fun I've ever had in my life,” he says, his voice filled with satisfaction. You chuckle softly and nod in agreement, tilting your head back to look up at him.

“I think you're right,” you say, a small smile on your face. “It was definitely an experience I won't forget anytime soon.”

MASTERLIST

[neolithicsheep]

I've been meaning to write this down for some time because there are some fundamental errors that people keep making in crowdfunding/sales that shoot their campaigns in the foot. So here's a list of easy principles.

Who am I and why should you listen to me? I am a freelance chaos marketer who has raised well over $100,000 when totaling up various crowdfunding campaigns, mostly for aid to Afghanistan. In addition I've managed to successfully market everything from stuffed plush koalas to hydration salts. Why am I putting this out here for free? Because despite a years long track record of success in social media marketing no one will hire me because I don't have a college degree, so I might as well help people out who can't afford to hire full time marketing. 

If you'd like to hire me to help you evaluate your marketing and sales and teach you better skills on a 1 to 1 basis then hit me up, I am often willing to barter, esp with artists in a variety of mediums! 

Anyway on to HOW TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU MONEY:

TL;DR: use positive messaging that humanizes everyone involved and make it as easy as possible for people to give you money.

1. Shame and guilt are demotivators. They will not inspire people to give you money. “Why aren't people helping” “I guess people don't care” “This isn't getting enough shares/donations” etc etc. Online fundraising is often frustrating, heartbreaking, and will make you angry, especially when there's a humanitarian crisis involved. It is critical that if you are raising funds for someone else that you have a place to vent that is not the audience you would like to donate to the cause. 

2. Use motivating messages instead! “You can help!” “Even a small donation is important because it tells Recipient they're not alone, and people care” “We can't fix the whole world, but we can make this one thing right, and that means something”. Emphasize that this is a problem that the reader can help fix with even a small effort. With items for sale, tell a story. "I drew this thinking about how safe I always felt under a tree in my childhood backyard". "I chose the colors in this shawl to remind me of sagebrush and piñon pine in my favorite place."

3. Make it easy for people to give you money. Never talk about your product or cause without a link that leads directly to where people can give you money. They should be able to click one link on your post and land at the fundraiser or your shop. Every required click is going to lose people, so minimize the number of them required. This also means if you have a list of fundraisers for people to choose from the ones at the bottom will be neglected - people will hit the ones at the top. Be sure to take those off when they're met or periodically shuffle the list around to make sure everyone gets a chance to be in the first 5 spots. In online stores people will often only look at the first page or two of items so be sure to shuffle things around and remove out of stock items that are taking up prime real estate.

4. Humanize the recipient - this can be tricksy when raising charitable aid because you don't want to be exploitative. But to use my last Afghan campaign as an example, “We need to raise $500 for an Afghan family” is less effective than “This Afghan family's home was damaged in heavy rains that caused extensive flooding. They only need $500 to repair and rebuild so they can stay in their home and not become displaced.”  If possible, tell as much of the recipient's story as they consent to. Eg “Fred is seven and loves dinosaurs. His favorite is brontosaurus, and he carries a stuffed one with him everywhere. He wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up and discover a complete brontosaurus skeleton that he can give the same name as his stuffed friend. Unfortunately he's also a trans boy living in Texas and his family needs $1500 to rent a Uhaul and get to Colorado so he can grow up in safety and do that.”

5. If you're not the recipient, humanize yourself while you're at it! “I'd be really grateful if you all could share or donate” “This fundraiser really means a lot to me because…” “Thank you so much for any help, whether sharing or donating” 

6. Treat the audience like humans. Speak to them like they are people you're having a conversation with, not ATMs. This ultimately is the goal of not using shame/guilt and humanizing yourself and the recipient. 

7. Set low goals and bump them up when met. One of the weird things about people is they prefer to give to successful fundraisers. Yeah I don't know either. So you're more likely to get the full amount you need if you set a partial goal initially and then raise it when that's met. Raise it in small increments and raise it repeatedly as those goals are hit to keep momentum going. You can't always control this so if you're boosting someone else's fundraiser you can do it artificially via asks like “Hey y'all can we get together and put $500 on this?”