#we listen to so many different things at all times

[azelsdoormat]

Azel Radwan Main Story

► Chapter 0

This translation is fanmade and strictly for entertainment purposes only. All media and original content belong to Cybird. Do not use, claim as your own, repost or reupload onto other platforms, reblogs are welcome.

Content Warning: mentions of child abuse, graphic descriptions of violence, gore?, generally disturbing content.

True love — to me, is the most evil of curses that must never befall me.

…

Azel: High Priest… please… stop

The whip tore into human flesh, and the blood-curdling screams of my beloved brothers rang through the air.

The cold, hard floor was stained bright red with the blood dripping from their torn fingernails. It was an image burned into those so-called “divine eyes” that would never fade. 

The grotesque sight, as horrifying as every nightmare in the world combined, unfolded before my eyes.

And I, this powerless god, could do nothing but scream and cry until my voice went hoarse. 

Azel: I beg of you. I’ll do anything you say. 

Azel: It’s all my fault for being a bad boy, it’s my fault for not behaving well. 

Azel: Please stop. I promise I won’t run away again. 

Azel: Please, I beg of you, please, please, I beg… 

I clung pathetically to the High Priest’s robes, desperately repeating my pleas.

While people revere me as a god, the reality was far from that. 

High Priest: Your Holiness… I sincerely apologise. I have no desire to cause you harm. 

The High Priest stroked my head with pity, smiling tenderly. 

In the middle of that nightmarish scene, he was the only source of kindness. 

High Priest: This, too, is love.

Azel: … Love?

High Priest: You are an extraordinary being, Your Holiness. If anything were to happen to you, it would be too late.

High Priest: To ensure that no mishaps occur to your sacred body, I must mete out severe disciplinary actions as such. 

High Priest: This is all for your sake. Please understand. 

The whip was swung once more.

My brothers, hung from the ceiling, gradually lost the light in their eyes and were reduced to nothing but mere empty shells. 

If this is what people call “love”— then I despise this monstrosity with every fiber of my being. 

Azel: … I… understand…

Azel: I understand, so… stop it already.

Azel: I’ll listen to everything you say.

Azel: I’ll work hard, I’ll become a proper god.

Azel: … Please… 

…

<< Fast Forward Many Years Later >>

Matias: Have you two heard about the romance novel that's become popular in Rhodolite lately?

The princes of three countries held regular meetings in different locations, and they would occasionally stray into idle chatter. 

The topics varied, but today, of all things we could possibly talk about, it had to be the one topic I didn't want to hear about the most. 

Kagari: Don't know.

Azel: I have no interest in such items. 

Matias: I can lend you my copy of the book. 

Azel: Please only offer it to Kagari. 

Kagari: No way. Matias is impossible to handle when it comes to these topics. 

Azel: Unfortunately, I am deathly allergic to anything related to romance. 

Matias: Is there such a thing?

Azel: Yes, and therefore—

Matias: Then I’ll read it aloud for you. 

(... This hell just became even hotter. Someone spare me.) 

Matias didn't look like he was about to back down any time soon and placed the book on the table.

The book’s design was boring and unremarkable. 

Matias: This book is so detailed in depicting the process of love developing, it’s known as a bible for beginners to romance.

Matias: I’ve read through it myself, and it’s truly a treasure trove of information.

Matias: Take the first date scene on page 32 for instance. According to this bible—...

Ignoring Matias’ rambling, I pulled the book toward me and haphazardly flipped through the pages. 

(Ugh… what is this nonsense?)

As expected of something that received such high praise from Matias, the contents of the book were revoltingly vivid portrayals of romance. 

Most of the story was filled with unnecessary trivial chattering between lovestruck men and women. 

Kagari: So you lied about being allergic.

Azel: It was not a lie. Please have a look at these goosebumps on my skin. 

Kagari: Looks like the real deal.

Azel: While Matias yearns for romance, I am the complete opposite.

Azel: Merely hearing the words “love” and “romance” gives me the chills. 

I recalled the day “love” was defined to me with a merciful smile. 

Even now, seeing that word made me sick to the stomach. The very thought fills me with so much disgust, I felt dizzy. 

(Apart from that hag, there were plenty of other people who preached about love with equally ridiculous reasoning.) 

(I can never understand how Matias can so purely believe in love…)

Matias: You’re weird. Is there really anyone who hates being loved?

Azel: Perhaps it is because I am a god and different from ordinary mortals. 

Azel: … At the very least, I neither want to love nor be loved.

Azel: I’ve learned firsthand that love is nothing but misery.

I shut the book and shoved it back at Matias.

I knew without a doubt that I never wanted to open a book of that genre ever again.

Matias: No need to return it. This book is my gift to you.

Azel: No, thank you. I refuse.

Matias: Don’t say that. While you may despise love and romance now, your thinking could change someday.

Matias: You could meet your ideal queen in the middle of a scorching desert where she’s on the verge of collapsing, and after you nurse her back to health— 

Azel: Matias, back to reality, please. 

Matias: Ahem. Anyway, it won't hurt to have the beginner’s bible with you. 

Matias: It covers everything from how to invite someone on a date to spending the night together. Study it well. 

I glared at the book Matias pushed back at me.

(Arguing any further is too much of a hassle.)

(Whatever. I’ll simply not open it ever.) 

(Or maybe… I could sell it to Akatsuki instead.)

(I’ve had more than enough of being loved.)

…

(... Hm?)

I suddenly regained consciousness and found myself in an unfamiliar setting.

(Is this a rose garden? It looks rather neglected, though.)

The feeling of entering “another person’s dream” was one I had experienced countless times before.

While I didn't remember every instance clearly, I was certain I had never experienced entering the dreams of someone who owned a rose garden. 

(This isn’t a dream someone who lives in the desert would have.) 

At the junction where several paths intersected, was an oak table with a single book on it. 

I casually picked it up and read through the contents, the owner of the dream’s life story started flowing through my mind.

The story was incomplete, but the owner’s “wish” was clear.

Azel: I see, I see…

Azel: How utterly laughable. 

(A strong yearning for love… they belong to the same category of people as Matias.) 

Someone approached me.

I shifted my gaze to the side and saw an unfamiliar woman standing there. 

???: What’s… laughable?

Azel: I have some unfortunate news for you, who yearns for love and thirsts for knowledge of what it is.

Azel: Love is not the grand blessing it is often proclaimed to be. 

Azel: Sometimes, it would serve you well to remain ignorant and pure for your entire life. You would find far greater happiness that way.

(Not that I intend to force my beliefs onto others…) 

The woman looked like a personification of virtue, and someone who would fall prey to the first con artist she encountered.

It was because of that first impression that, for once, God chose to be merciful.

Azel: I have witnessed many examples of “love”. Not in fiction… but rather the raw, unvarnished love that exists in reality.

Azel: Far too often, people use “love” as a means to justify their otherwise unjustifiable actions.

Azel: It is truly tragic to see people driven mad by love.

Azel: Even the most rational people become unable to live without it.

Azel: Like a curse. 

(There's a chance that this woman, who knows nothing about love now, will become a changed person once she experiences it.) 

(... I can only hope that doesn't happen to her.)

May that ugly curse called “love” never turn her into a beast—

This powerless god could do nothing else but pray for her, just like I did on that one fateful day. 

[multifandomhellhole]

HEYYYY SO WHEN YOU SAY YOU WRITE FOR LEAGUE OF LEGENDS. DOES THAT INCLUDE ARCANE??? I ABSOLUTELY NWED SOME DUBCON IDEAS WITH VIKTOR CAUSE HE MAKES ME SUDDENLY FEEL THINGS

Ah HELLLOOO FELLOW VIKTOR ENJOYER!!!!

yes! I do also write for arcane!!!! I should probably tag that and update the post so people don't think im league exclusive hegefkfifk

Dubious consent warning and since this is dom reader we are the perpetrator. Nothing highly explicit till I see if I get crucified with mild.

I guess for dubcon he really is the most appealing aside from puppy boy Jayce who could be manipulated by a sunny afternoon breeze. Specifically 30 age range Viktor as that's when his ego took a plummet and so did his sharper walls and self assurance. Literally the two people that gave Viktor the time of day ended up being his endgame so that right off the bat tells you how susceptible Viktor is to tender love and care and most of all appreciation for his mind.

However this is a porn post and we will not be going into his genius but rather his pants.

I really think it'd be easy to be a perv with Viktor's belongings. Once he's focused on that HexCore it's basically free range to move about. Yes he's listening intently to his surroundings even when hyper focused as we see when he already heard sky come in, but he's not looking. You can do anything really at that point no matter what he thinks he hears. That can be from stealing pens, discarded notes, old cups he's drunk from, etc. I think you'd even get away with a bit of self gratification while viewing him from behind if you can be quiet. Even handing him contaminated things without him realizing as he could care less about the state of his tools that have had so many non organic residues on them before. Not like he can tell the difference without breaking his precious concentration. Not only that but he's hardly ever not in the lab so snooping around his room and other places he's been in is a breeze. Especially since you can hear him coming with the steel toe of his brace and his crutch on the floors and make a break for it. You might even make a break for it with a pair of boxers if you are that bold and want to upgrade to clothing. Just don't steal his crutch while he's awake 😭

We also see that Viktor is shockingly receptive with physical touch. Both from people he doesn't know that well, to people he does! He doesn't even show shock to some gestures when Jayce touches him which means that if someone is a frequent flyer in touching him, he grows used to it. I feel like that can be used in selfish ways to feel him up and even try and encourage sexual responses from him. I think it could be fun pushing how far his acceptance goes before he realizes your intentions. And I think it's just fun to slowly corrupt his brain into thinking thigh touches from you are okay in a professional setting and that ass grabs are just accidents. Plus he'd be lying if getting a spontaneous shoulder massage every now and then doesn't feel wonderful for his tension headaches. Even if your hands eventually linger on the screw heads in his spine or catch on his back and shoulder brace. Or even brush around to his neck and chest more than a few times. Especially if you play it off like he's the filthy one for responding that way, or offended he'd even think you'd take advantage of him, he won't dare get suspicious of you. just Hell he might even start returning it if you have a big enough friendly and positively welcoming energy. Even if he is initially uncomfortable/ repulsed about the whole thing, if done right and with just the right amount of feigned innocence he gradually will lose the apprehension. Time and patience is definitely a thing for conditioning Viktor where Jayce is practically pre-trained.

Anyways I think this is my first dubcon post so only two for now given I'm testing waters with what I like and how raunchy I'm willing to go! This is also my first arcane post so hi I better get a 'this is my first impression of you' comment.

[starstruck-sillies]

Honestly this was refreshing to see, a lot of people who reblog typically don't even try to listen to what we're trying to get at, but I can definitely tell that you put a lot of genuine thought and actually listened, I appreciate that.

I am aware that there are many that do try to keep to themselves, and those people are (mostly) fine to me, but there are an awful lot I've seen saying a lot of...strange things. Some say that "Because some endos experience trauma they belong in CDD spaces" (Yes, that's an actual thing I've heard) And I'm definitely not trying to say their experiences are invalid, I'm just skeptical about how similar they are to us, and I'm not entirely convinced that they're actually systems like we are. If they say they are multiple people, that's fine by me, I just feel like they try awfully hard to seem like us at times, which irks me. I do see quite a few endos trying to claim that they are "so similar to us", maybe we just found different sides of it I suppose? Another thing I forgot to mention here is that there's a lot of anti-traumagen rhetoric prevalent in endo spaces. I highly doubt this is completely intentional, and I don't think that many actually realize they have this belief, but I have seen many that seem to have this idea ingrained in them that they're better than us, simply from being formed from means other than trauma, and while I think most of them are completely unaware of it, I can tell that a concerning amount of them do have this kind of rhetoric oozing from their posts. It's part of the reason that I stay away from mixed-origin and pro-endo spaces, I feel unwelcome and judged every time I try to go into these spaces.

Personally, I can't stand being in any mixed-origin spaces, though if they work for you and you feel safer there that's completely valid, and I'm glad it's worked out for you.

And I do agree that there's too much focus on alters in CDD spaces, there's so much more to these disorders than alters, and it's frustrating to see that people only ever talk about that part of it. It makes it harder for us to open up about the other parts of it, and it's extremely unhelpful.

I don't think I'll be changing my stance anytime soon, but this did put some things into perspective, and I think you taught me some things. I would be interested in hearing from endos, I haven't heard much from them, and I feel like I keep finding the bad ones, it's hard for me to find any that are decent. I still do pretty firmly believe that there needs to be more separation between traumagenic and endogenic, though I do agree that having some shared spaces would be a good idea, just that there should be more distinction between them.

(Sorry that I didn't respond to all of your points, I'm tired lmao, plus there are some I need to think on)

-Kaz

Keep seeing posts of pro-endos who used to be anti-endo talking about "Ugh, anti-endo spaces are so toxic" which is not necessarily bad, there are bad anti-endo spaces out there and people are allowed to vent about how those spaces hurt them

I do have a problem when they use that as an excuse to call us all toxic and cruel. I've seen many saying things like "Anti endos are so horrible, I'm so glad I'm not one of those monsters anymore"

You need to understand we aren't the monsters you make us out to be. We're traumatized people, trying our hardest to survive with something debilitating, who can't help but see endos as mocking, whether they truly are or not. We can't help but see endos as invading our spaces.

We didn't get to have safe spaces most of the time. We didn't get to be around people who cared about us and understood us. Even those of us that did have a safe space had it poisoned by trauma elsewhere. We spent our childhoods afraid, isolated, and so agonizingly alone, feeling like we were better off dead, that we were freaks, that we were the only ones in the world going through this. This community we made for ourselves was one we had to fight through years of hell to get.

So when random people come over trying to insist that they're "just like us" and demanding to be let in, despite having only one or two things in common that we couldn't even trust they truly had, of course we'll be fucking defensive. In our eyes, you're trying to take the safe spaces we fought tooth and nail for away from us, whether you truly are or not. In our eyes you're people who know nothing about us or what we went through, and continue to go through, trying to barge into our havens and bloat it with bullshit, whether that's what you're trying to do or not.

We've been hurt so many times, by so many people, for so long. Why the fuck would we take a chance on people that are so suspect? You claim to have alters just like us, yet without any of the other symptoms of our disorders. You claim to be systems, yet without being caused by the immense trauma we had to suffer through. Hell, some of you claim that you made your alters for fun, just because you can.

Of course we're wary and defensive. We don't want to even risk losing the spaces we worked so damn hard to get.

If you've had a bad experience with anti-endo spaces, and are pro-endo now because of it, that's fine by me and I understand completely. But that doesn't make us all villians. That doesn't make us all evil monsters.

And besides, many of us have been hurt by pro-endo/mixed origin spaces too. We've seen people have horrible experiences with them. (Let's not forget endos started as natural multiples, who were notoriously shitty, cruel, and discriminatory toward any and all traumagens, and that a lot of that same rhetoric is still rampant in the community, AND that the community at large has basically just decided to pretend that never happened.

-Kaz

[starlightandfairies]

Okay, first of all, sorry for my bad English, but could you maybe write a story with Kalus where you are all together (his siblings and Elena, Damon, Stefan etc.) in a room and spend time together, or rather solve another problem. Klaus notices how absent you are and how quiet you are the whole time. And later you disappear to a quiet place where you can be alone but then he shows up? The story need to be sweet😪

Description: gets overwhelmed and needs some time to relax

Warnings: she/her pronouns, fluff, swearing

*Requests are open, please send through as many requests as you want, check my character list and requesting rules.*

Thank you for requesting this! I hope you enjoy it!

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Last name, POV = Point of view, f/ice/c

Word Count: 1,013

First Person's pov

Everyone was here. Bonnie, Elena, Damon, Enzo, Stefan, Elijah, Rebekah, Caroline and Niklaus. My house was normally the meeting place, today was no different. I couldn't tell you what the issue was this time, I've been out of it for the past week. It's been hard, at the start of the week, I nearly got badly hurt while the next big-bad came along and after Stefan saved my butt, I got reprimanded by him for being so reckless and stupid. 

 I hated being yelled at or being near someone being yelled at. Ever since I was little, I've hated loud noises, so that incident at the start of the week just became a series of things building on top of each other. It was late, I was already overwhelmed and overstimulated, everyone was shouting at each other, demanding they be heard and that they were right. 

"Dammit Damon! You cannot just expect us all to run around your agenda!" 

"What else can we do?" Damon roared, I stared at my hands in my lap, fiddling with the skirt of my dress. I could feel Niklaus' eyes on me, they have been for the last little while, I have no clue what he was thinking or what he wanted but having him look at me, analysing me and my every move. 

"Love, are you alright?" Niklaus softly murmured, I simply hummed in response, not meeting his eye or the disapproving hum that came from his lips. Everyone kept yelling, hitting my furniture in frustration, I could feel the tears bubbling and the prickling in my throat, If I didn't get away now then I'd breakdown in front of everyone. 

While everyone was gathering around the table, writing out a plan for stopping this big bad, I slipped away and sat in my bedroom. I let out a shaky breath, letting the tears slip from my eyes and sobbed into my hands. I curled into my mattress, clutching my teddy bear to my chest and hoping all the chatter in my brain would fade away. 

"So, this is the great Y/n L/n's bedroom." I sat up, rubbing my eyes, watching as Niklaus sat on the edge of my bed and turned to face me. I took a deep breath, pushing myself up and rested my teddy bear in my lap, watching him as he gazed around my room before his eyes landing me again. 

"I am going to ask again... love. Are you alright?" His voice was smooth, gentle and even caring. On any normal day I could listen to him talk for hours on end, he had such a pretty voice. 

"No... no, I'm not alright." 

"Tell me what's wrong, love." It was a gentle demand, something I wouldn't fight against. 

"I've just been feeling very overwhelmed and overstimulated. Got too much." Niklaus simply nodded, took my hand into his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. Niklaus hummed, his face scrunching up in thought before it relaxed and his eyes gazed upon me soothingly. 

"I will kick them out from your home. They can take this to the Salvatore manor." 

"Thank you." He nodded and looked at my teddy bear. 

"What is this lovely thing's name?" I was grateful for the distraction, clutching to the arms of the bear a little tighter and smiled. 

"Her name is Pebbles. I got her when I was a baby. I know it's silly... not being a kid anymore and having a teddy bear still." Niklaus shrugged, seemingly not bothered by this. 

"Does it bring you comfort?" I nodded. 

"Then why should it matter?" 

"I suppose you are right, Niklaus." He chuckled once I said his name, I raised an eyebrow, trying to keep my own smile at bay from his sweet laughter. 

"You always call me Niklaus. I don't think I have ever heard you call me Klaus."

"I like calling you Niklaus. It sounds nice, it just rolls off the tongue." He chuckled nodding, turning his body to face me better. I took another breath, finding the uneasy feeling fading away the longer I sat in Niklaus' presence. It was quiet up here, I could just here the others and every time I would react to the group becoming more vocal, Niklaus would bring my attention back to him by asking about something in my room. 

My cat walked into the room, jumping onto Niklaus' lap, curling into him and hitting his hands with her paw to get him to pet her. 

"She's a sweet thing, I'm sorry, I'll call her off." 

"It's okay, I do not mind, your cat and you are quite welcome to my lovely presence and comfort whenever." I chuckled at the light sound of arrogance in his voice. He continued petting my cat for a little while until she jumped off and he took that as his moment to stand up and held out his hand. 

"Y/n, I think you need some time away from these headaches. Do you trust me?" I nodded, I really did, not once had Niklaus used me for his gain, he hadn't betrayed my trust once and I don't believe he ever would. 

"Yeah, okay." He picked me up, then sped out my window. Niklaus took me to a look-out in a couple towns over, it overlooked the water and no one else was nearby. The water brushed up against the rocks, soothing and peaceful. Within a blink he disappeared and within another he had a cup full of f/ice/c. 

"Thank you. Y-you didn't need to do this."  "You are feeling down, a sweet treat can always help. As I am told." I took small spoonfuls of the ice cream and started swaying to the gentleness of the violin. 

"You know my favourite ice cream, my favourite instrument and my favourite song. How?"  

"I have my ways, love." He whispers, letting me bask in the peace of the music. 

[kaija-rayne-author]

Woof. The amount of copium I'm seeing people huffing about DAV today. Yikes.

Sorry, peeps. There are so many retcons in that game I probably couldn't list them all. And yeah, I could prove it with sources. (Will I? Nope. I've far better things to do with my time. Unless someone wants to pay me, in which case I'd be quite happy to debunk all the retcons with sources.)

It's cool if you liked it even with the retcons. I'm honestly happy for you. But, and this is just a thought, maaaaybe listen to the Lore fiends on the topic of retcons rather than blowing so much smoke up your own ass you float away?

It's not like most Lore fiends haven't spent weeks to months to years marinating ourselves in the Lore. Maybe we know a bit about it? Just... y'know, maybe?

The problem with any sort of fiction? If it's not shown in game/on screen/on page (or somewhere else in whatever media we're discussing) or in supplementary materials? (Official books/comics etc.) Or it's shown differently from previous series media entries? It just didn't happen. It doesn't exist. It is a retcon. Which stands for retroactive continuity.

Anything else you come up with is a headcanon. (Headcanons are fine! I've got plenty of my own, but that's all they are.) It's not proof or an actual rebuttal to the problems endemic to DAV. And, uh, when attempting to rebutt a purported retcon, maybe get your details correct?

Anything the devs/writers say on social media/interviews etc., especially after the fact? Yeah, that didn't happen either and also doesn't count. If it makes you feel better, go for it. But when we're talking editorial critique and media literacy? (Which is what you're talking about when you deny retcons) it just didn't happen if it's not in the published material. Shrugs.

I personally refuse to do the heavy lifting of the story. That was the writers' job. They didn't do it very well. And all the imagination and headcanons and copium isn't going to change this simple fact.

Nor the fact that you sound completely uneducated when stretching so far to try to deny a retcon to anyone who knows more facts. I think I almost rolled my eyes hard enough to roll them out of my damned head at the last one to cross my dash.

[marimayscarlett]

Hi I’m back back, back again! With more questions!

The fandom calls Paul and Richard guitars husbands right? But to help a relationship status to married you have to gradually progress through the stages of like: pining, mutual pining, dating, boyfriends and then finally married.

I was wondering what pictures or gifs/videos represent those stages for our dearest guitarists?

If I forgot one feel free to add one or remove one if it doesn’t have any fitting content! 😌 🖤

Hello dear, and thank you for your ask! 😊

I have to admit, though, I found this ask a bit tricky to answer at first. I kept going back and forth, trying to establish a clear timeline for Paul and Richard’s, let’s call it loosely, “relationship.” In some ways, that’s possible. At the start of the band’s history, we have a popular example of looks exchanged that could definitely be interpreted as “pining” or “longing”:

(GIFs by @ukulelette)

Later on, there were repeated moments on stage where they looked for closeness or looked out for each other:

Nowadays, there are wonderful moments on stage filled with cheekiness, emotions, joy, and surely also some kind of love between two people who’ve worked together for 30 years, experienced so many life situations together, endured a lot in the band's life and in general..:

(first gif by @sechsherzen)

And yet... the story between Paul and Richard always seems incredibly dynamic to me. They started out as young musicians who discovered a lot of common ground in their musical visions (I think I recall Richard saying something along the lines of “he completes me”). At the same time, they were also musical rivals in some ways, given they played the same instrument. Two people with strong opinions and firm points of views in things, who sometimes wouldn’t accept any other viewpoint but their own. They are so similar, yet have their struggles, especially to see that they're so similar it seems.

But they always manage to come back together, no matter how difficult working together might be - even going as far as seeking help for their communication (Olsen Involtini apparently played a big role in ensuring that harmony was quickly restored, as mentioned here). They maybe do it simply because they see the bigger picture. They see that enduring personal differences is worth it for the good of the band. They share the same drive to make things happen and, over the years, have learned to listen to one another and give each other space to express themselves.

If we indulge in the “Paulchard” fantasy, we can find moments of connection (body contact or just looking out for each other) at various points in the band’s history. It’s difficult for me to identify a clear chronology here - whether it’s the 90s, the challenging Mutter era, or the MiG tour...:

Of course, their warmth towards each other has exponentially increased in recent years! Longing, hugs, kisses, comforting each other, or just being there for one another.... And sometimes really taking their time with each other during these interactions, like in Frankfurt for the plane watching 🥹.

It feels like they can express these things more freely now, in their more mature years, after all their shared experiences - or at least it appears that way. And for that, I’m very happy.

(first gif by @mrsfitzgerald)

So, yes. Paulchard interactions are varied, dynamic, and ever-changing, just as most likely a relationship between people is. 🤍

And for people who like to see the Paulchard wedding with their own two eyes, there's always lovely edits 😄

(some more picture sources: x x)

[superkooku]

Have you listened/watched epic? And if you have what’s your thoughts?

Personally I think it’s a good thing to show to a friend new to Greek mythology. I just finished watching the last saga and I have to say I loved it, beautiful. Sad it ended tho :(

It might not be very accurate but I love the hardwork the cast put into it and so I love it very much

My thoughts on Epic the musical

So yes, I know about Epic. I even participated in the secret santa thing and am what we may call 'a winion'.

I just finished watching the livestream too ! I especially loved seeing the cast members were reacting to the sagas (Luke Holt was so funny in this 🤣. Also, Jorge carrying Mico like a baby in 'Just a man' and Mason being extra the whole time... so many gems in that livestream)

Since Epic is finished AND I have animatics of the Ithaca saga, I'll use this opportunity to make a more in-depth review of the musical. Instead of separating it in "good" or "bad", I'm reviewing it criteria per criteria.

The cast

Like I previously said, I LOVE the cast chemistry. They're all so fun and lively. I follow some of them separately, like Janani or Troy Doherty, and they're just delightful. Especially Troy as Hermes, he always manages to make me laugh. Every single time 😂.

Also, he gives me a bit of Mettaton vibes since he's extravagant, always over the top and a bit self-absorbed (the Hermes persona, I mean, not Troy Doherty himself). Maybe that's why I like him so much :3

And of course, there's Jorge, mr. Jalapeño, the man with the plan. I love how both passionate and humble he is, how he takes the time to thank everyone and just how much of a bundle of positive energy he is. I know it's an internet persona, but what I can see from him is some hopefully really nice guy in real life too.

Anyways, awesome cast chemistry, everyone made me laugh and they're all having a good time.

The music

This music is so beautiful 🥰. All the motifs, the emotions, the instruments, the voices ! If I had to rate Epic from the music alone, it would be 5 stars. I'm not saying this in a professional angle or anything, it's my personal feeling.

Seriously, I don't really have that much to say about the music because, to me, it's just that good. I love the variety, how different instruments synch themselves and, yeah.

The characters

Annnnd that's where the blind positive praise stops, unfortunately 😂.

Don't get me wrong, it's not awful either and there are good points. My favorite Epic characters are Hermes and Athena.

The rest ? It's mixed. In order not to make this too long, I'll focus on only some of them.

The story is very character-driven so I won't really delve into it in detail.

Odysseus : he's a good protagonist, especially in the first act. His dilemma is interesting, he has a strong personality and I like that he is just a broken man and not some mighty overlord... except in the Thunder and Vengeance sagas. I feel Jorge exaggerated the monster message a bit too much, imo. Odysseus is supposed to be a witty liar, a warrior of the mind. Not someone like Achilles who solves problems by fighting or fights gods like Heracles, much less freaking Poseidon.

Poseidon : okay ! I liked him in the first act, because FINALLY Poseidon isn't a surfer dude. He's a terrifying force of nature that was angered by mortal hubris (though the hubris thing isn't explained by Epic). In Get in the water, he kept his intimidating side. Because he's, yk, the king of the oceans, one of the most powerful Olympian gods. But his defeat partially ruined him for me 😂. It just doesn't make sense. Why is Odysseus afraid of Scylla and even tip-toes around Hermes, who is friendly, when he can stabby-stab Poseidon ? Why didn't Poseidon counterattack? So many questions.

Zeus : my problem with Zeus is easier to explain. Again, he was awesome in the first act, less so in the second. What I loved initially is how regal he was. Powerful, intimidating, kingly, but not evil either. He warns Odysseus of the gods' will and of fate, which always realizes itself in mythology. In Thunder Bringer, he's fine. His lustful and flighty side is shown, but we could interpret his intervention as avenging Helios and punishing the ones who ate the cows, instead of "Zeus is evil". But in God Games ? He's so pettyyyyy and childish. Where is the kingly attitude ? This "Beast Zeus" should come against Kronos or Typhon, or maybe when Athena and the others threatened his position. Not after a freaking game ! He just strikes Athena with thunder because she won fair and square. At LEAST Luke Holt absolutely killed it, so it's cool to listen to.

Penelope : she's underdeveloped :( . Okay, her bond with Odysseus was respected, they're adorable together. On her own ? Eh, she's fine. Which is a shame because she simply didn't have enough room to exist outside of Odysseus. Also, the fact that she doesn't interact once with her son is criminal imo.

I do have some other issues with characters like Circe and Calypso (basically they're declawed compared to the Odyssey), whereas I'm completely fine with others like Eurylochus, Telemachus or every god except Zeus and Poseidon. Though they're not perfectly accurate either but I don't have problems with them.

The crew in general is also underdeveloped, so I didn't feel much for them (until discovering the scrapped Elpenor and Perimedes songs/lh). They played their roles correctly.

I hated the suitors (that's a positive in Epic) and laughed when Antinous died. Though I wished they were more pathetic and less threatening. Musically it'd be worse but story-wise more fitting.

The story

Overall, it's fine. Most of the best points come from the Odyssey itself, the one change I liked the most was having Odysseus and Poseidon meet (not the way it ended though).

Also, story-wise, I prefer act 1 over act 2, because it's less over the place and more grounded.

But emotion-wise and music-wise, forgetting about the Odyssey, act 2 wins the cake.

Those were my thoughts on Epic :3

I tried not to judge it too much according to the Odyssey and some of my friends are more demanding on that plan (for perfectly legitimate reasons btw). But it's hard to separate Epic from the wonderful work of Homer and it's lacking in some areas.

Still, this journey was very fun, I love all the passion Jorge, the singers and the animatic artists put in, there are a lot of good things about it (I can't mention everything). I don't want to rate it because it's too rigid of a system. I listen to the songs on loop and, ultimately, I'm thankful Epic exists :)

I may come back to this post and reblog stuff if I have new relevant thoughts to add. I'll probably rank the sagas in another post.

[crazyunsexycool]

A Love as Sweet as Honey

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 3.1K

A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my lovely people. Here is a small Christmas one shot for our new favorite family. I know it's a little bit late but these last few days have been hectic. I hope you like it.

Warning: Fluff, a little bit of angst, implied smut, Christmas!!!

Series Masterlist

You hadn’t celebrated Christmas in years but this time it was different. There was a huge reason to put up decorations, watch Christmas movies, listen to Christmas songs and marvel at all the twinkling Christmas lights. And that reason was currently crawling her way to the Christmas tree. Since Steve brought home a tree and used as many lights as he could, Bee couldn’t stay away. She moves surprisingly fast for her age. You can hear her small coos as she reaches for a branch with her tiny hand. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Steve’s voice cuts over the Christmas music that’s playing softly. “Does my girl want to look at the lights again?” 

You walk into the living room just as Steve picks Bee up. She still looks so tiny in his arms. Her giggles make you smile as you watch father and daughter admire the bright lights and colorful decorations. 

“I have her hat.” You finally interrupt them, holding up the knitted accessory. “We should get going.” 

“Alright, Honeybee let’s get you all bundled up.” 

You put the beanie on Bee’s head and make sure she still had her socks on. Then you grab your coat and put it on quickly before taking Bee so that Steve could put his coat on. 

“I think we’re all set. Let’s go.” Steve ushers you and Bee to the car. 

The three of you were heading to a Christmas light show. You hoped Bee would love it just as much as she seemed to love the lights you and Steve had around the house.

****

“Alright, my sweet Bee,” you say as you unbuckle Bee from her car seat. “Let’s get you into your stroller.” 

Bee giggles as you lift her up. Her little feet kicking in excitement as she looks around the unfamiliar place. As you strap her into her stroller Steve hands you her blanket and you make sure Bee is tucked in comfortably. 

“Are you ready for your first light show, baby?” You ask with a smile, receiving a happy little grunt in response. 

“I’ve got her bag,” Steve says as he shoulders the backpack full of things you might need for Bee. “I think we’re ready to go.” 

You just nod and start pushing the stroller. Steve stays close at all times. He receives a few stares as you walk by other people but fortunately you’re left alone. It takes about five minutes to get to the entrance of the actual attraction. You both hear the tiniest gasp come from the stroller the moment you start to see all the twinkling lights. 

“Oohhh.” Bee coos as she points at all the lights. 

You and Steve can’t stop smiling at Bee’s reaction. She was obsessed with the lights. You knew because of the way she scrunched her nose up like Steve did when he was really happy about something. 

Halfway through the walkthrough Bee gets fussy to the point that Steve picks her up. He gets her closer to the displays and you have a cheerful baby again. You and Steve stop to get some hot chocolate and enjoy some carolers. 

“This is nice.” Steve says between sips of his drink. 

“Yeah, I’ve never done this before.”   

He leans in and kisses your temple. “Well then it’s a family first.” 

“A new tradition, maybe?” 

Steve looks down at Bee who is entranced by the twinkling decorations. “Definitely a new tradition.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Steve walks into your shared home to the fire alarm going off. He rushes to the kitchen to see you with tears in your eyes and smoking coming out of the oven.

“What’s going on?” Steve asks as he rushes over to your side. 

You blink back tears as you look up at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin them.” 

“Ruin what, Honey?” 

“The cookies. I’ve tried to make like six batches and they’ve come out horrible.” 

“What are you making cookies for?” 

“I wanted us to sit together and decorate cookies with Bee. But I can’t get a stupid recipe right.” You buried your face in Steve’s chest and wrapped your arms around his midsection. 

“It’s ok Honey. We don’t have to decorate cookies.” 

You pull back to look at Steve, completely offended by his statement. “Of course we do. It’s a Christmas tradition.” 

“Honey, Bee isn’t going to remember this Christmas.” 

“But we will. And she deserves to have the best Christmas ever with all of the fun things we can come up with. But I can’t even give her that. She deserves to have family traditions.”

Holidays in general were a sensitive subject for you. Your family always excluded you from all of the fun things they would do. But now you were determined to give your sweet baby girl everything you never had. Unfortunately you aren’t a great cook or baker. 

“You know what, we’ll figure it out.” Steve grabs the recipe you’d printed out for sugar cookies and looks it over. “How about we take a break and then try again later?”

“Okay.” 

“Steebie?” Charlotte’s voice rings in the entryway.

“In the kitchen sweetheart.” 

Fast little footsteps echo in the hallway before Lottie and Henry appear in the kitchen. 

“Hi guys. What’s going on?” 

“We’re having a cookie decorating party and we wanted to invite you.” Henry holds up an actual invitation. It was hand drawn, Lottie being the artist behind it. “The party was Lottie’s idea.” 

You look over at Lottie who has the most sympathetic and sweetest smile on her face as she walks up to you. 

“Don’t cwy fo cookies, Duckie.” She says when you squat down to her level. “We habe so many.” 

“Thank you Lottie.” 

She smiles again as she hugs you. 

“You two are the best.” Steve ruffles Henry’s hair. “We’ll be over in a minute ok?” 

“Ok.” Henry nods before holding his hand out. “Let’s go baby.”

“See you latuh.” 

You stand up and lean into Steve’s awaiting arms. 

“There we go. We have cookies for our girl.” Steve says. “Are you ok with that?”

You just nod against his chest. The baby monitor crackles as Bee begins to cry. 

“Why don’t you go get her and I’ll clean up the kitchen?” 

You look around at the mess and start to feel bad about the whole thing. 

“Don’t worry about it. Go get Bee.” Steve gently pushes you out of the kitchen.

“Ok.”

****

The Barnes home smelled like vanilla, cinnamon and all things sweet. There’s laughter coming from the kitchen so you and Steve follow the sound. You find all five of the Barnes family together. There are cookies cooling on one counter top, flour and dough on another. Henry was currently working with the standmixer to make icing, his hair pulled back and an apron stained with powdered sugar.

“Bee-bee, hi.” Peanut waves at Steve. 

“Hi, Peanut.”

“We’re glad you made it.” 

“Thank you for the invitation.” You tell Sugar. 

“Of course, you know you’re always welcome.” 

“Now, give me my niece.” Bucky holds his hands out. Bee initially hides her face against Steve’s shoulder. “Oh come on, Bee. It’s your favorite uncle. C’mon sweet girl.” Bucky tickles her side making her giggle and she turns to look at him. “There you are, c’mon.” 

Bee holds her arms out and goes with Bucky. As soon as Steve has handed her over Peanut does grabby hands in order to be picked up. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” You ask as you look around. 

“I was just going to start setting up the decorating stations on the table. Can you grab the sprinkles and those plates?” 

“Of course.” 

You and Sugar move around the table to set everything up. Lottie follows you both and hands you the little things you need like spoons, napkins, and piping bags. Just as you finish Sam, Wanda, Vision, Nat and Sugar’s siblings walk in. All of them are ready to decorate cookies together. The whole group sits around the table trading stories. You have Bee on your lap and you’re trying to get some icing on the cookie but Bee keeps trying to grab the spatula you were using. 

“Sweet Bee let me spread this on the cookie.” 

Bee replies by letting out a high pitched scream and smacking her hand on the table a few times. Everyone’s eyes are on her and suddenly she’s shrinking into you. 

“That’s right, you tell her.” Nat says from across the table with a smile. 

Bee gives her a shy smile before getting distracted by the cookie in front of her. For the next few hours everyone decorates cookies and talks. It’s nice to have this group of people in your life. As you watch Steve fail at decorating a cookie because Bee keeps licking the icing off you can’t help but smile. While Steve doesn’t have any other living relatives and you are not in contact with your family, your daughter isn’t missing out on the love of aunts, uncles and cousins. 

“What do you think?” Steve leans in. “A new tradition?” 

“Yes, a new tradition.” 

He sends you that grin you love so much before pressing a quick kiss to your lips. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas was getting closer. Sam had agreed to watch Bee while you and Steve went shopping for gifts. Now you were sitting in the living room at night getting ready to wrap everything. You had set up all the wrapping paper, tape, scissors and gift bags out to keep things running smoothly. 

“Alright, Bee’s down for the night. Let’s get started.” Steve claps his hands. 

“I think we went a little overboard with gifts for her.” 

“I think we did just fine. Bee deserves everything.”

You raise a brow at him. “While I agree that she deserves absolutely everything on this earth, we don’t want her to be spoiled and become a brat.”

“She won’t. We won’t let her.” 

“If you say so.” You mutter. 

“I do. Now,” Steve pulls you closer and presses his lips against yours. “Should we wrap presents or can I unwrap you?” His hands slip under your shirt and run up and down your sides. 

“Steve…”

“Yes, Honey?” 

You giggle as he kisses down your neck. 

“We have to-“ you cut yourself off with a whimper when Steve pulls you in and you can feel his arousal.

“Unwrapping it is.” Steve says with a smirk  as he walks you towards the couch.

You laugh as you hit the couch. Steve settles himself on top of you. His eyes darken with want. You run your hands through his hair until they stop at his neck and you pull him down for a kiss.

****

You lay on the couch and pressed against Steve, naked. Only a throw blanket covering you up. The stack of presents sit all around but you can’t be bothered to get up.

“You’re going to have to wrap all of these by yourself.” You murmur, fighting to stay awake. 

“Why? Are you too tired to wrap a few gifts?” Steve was way too smug for your liking but you were too tired. 

“Shut up.” 

Steve chuckles as he runs his fingertips up and down your spine. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of all of this.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Christmas Eve and you were so excited. Steve had to work so you had time to set up a small surprise for him. The dining room table was set up for a romantic dinner. 

“Honey?” Steve calls out from the front door. 

“In the dining room.” You reply as you finish placing a wine glass down. 

“Hey,” Steve stops in his tracks as he looks at the set up. 

There are candles on the table, Steve’s favorite dinner is waiting for him. But the best part is his girls. You and Bee are in similar burgundy colored dresses. Bee’s nose scrunches up as she smiles and holds her arms out for him. Your smile is just as captivating and Steve can’t believe he gets to live his dream.

“What’s all this?” He asks as he gets closer to you. 

“Well, you always do so much for us that we wanted to surprise you. It was all Bee’s idea.” 

“Is that right, sweet girl?” Steve says as he takes Bee from you and kisses her cheek. Bee replies in kind by nuzzling her nose into his cheek. 

You smile up at them. Something about seeing Steve being such a good father makes your heart stutter. In your eyes there is no one more suited for the job. 

“Thank you, Honey.” Steve leans down and gives you a sweet kiss. 

“No, thank you for being so wonderful.” 

You gently push Steve to take a seat and then you settle Bee in her high chair. The three of you spend a quiet dinner together knowing that Christmas Day will be spent with your found family. 

**** 

After dinner the three of you sit in the living room in matching pajamas and watch a Christmas movie or two. Halfway through the second movie Bee falls asleep in Steve’s arms. You expected that he’d go and settle her down for the night but instead Steve just shifts Bee around a little and goes back to watching the movie.

“Do you want me to take her up?” You whisper.

“No, I want to hold her a little longer. I want to hold you too, C’mere.” He raises his free arm up and you snuggle into his side. Steve presses a kiss to the top of your head. 

You watch the rest of the movie snuggled up together. This was easily the best Christmas you ever had. You were sure there was nothing that could ever top this moment. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you were awake way too early. Excitement for the day ahead had you up and getting ready. While Bee was still sleeping you and Steve decided to exchange gifts. It surprised you how much he paid attention to you with all the gifts he got. You were even more surprised that he had gotten you as much as he had since you didn’t know where he had hidden it. But he was equally surprised when you gave him just about the same amount of gifts. 

What the two of you were really waiting for was Bee to wake up. This was her first Christmas and you wanted to see her open gifts. Just as you and Steve finished your coffee Bee could be heard cooing on the baby monitor. Both of you rushed into her nursery to meet a smiling and still sleepy baby. You changed her diaper and changed her into a onesie that said baby’s first Christmas. 

Downstairs Steve had set up a video camera in order to capture the moment of Bee opening her gifts. The three of you sat down by the tree and Steve got the first gift for Bee. You two were like kids in a candy store as you watched Bee’s little fingers scratch at the paper. She got easily distracted by the twinkling lights of the tree so you had to bring her attention back. 

Every gift had grabbed her attention. There was everything from clothes to toys to books. More than a kid could ever need and Steve had to admit that you were right. Maybe it was a little bit too much. Bee didn’t seem to mind all the gifts though, especially the toys. She giggled and cooed happily as you and Steve sat and played with her. 

****

The team was gathering in the compound for a Christmas party. The usual attendees were already there including Sam and Clint’s family. The kids were running around playing with their new toys while the adults sat around talking. 

“Why don’t you two lovely ladies get settled and I’ll be back with the rest of the gifts.” 

“Are you sure? I can get someone to watch Bee.” You turn to look at Steve. 

“Absolutely not. I’ll take care of getting the gifts up here.” 

“Ok.” You smile at Steve and head towards Sugar who is patting the empty seat next to her. 

“Oh my goodness, look at you.” She gushes over Bee’s cute red corduroy overall dress. She had a white long sleeve onesie underneath, matching white knee high socks and a red bow headband. 

Peanut waddles their way over to you. They reach for Bee and both of them start to babble. You smile before turning to Sugar, the two of you talk about how your morning went. 

As the day went on more gifts were exchanged. Fortunately you and Sugar had put your foot down at a two gift maximum for the kids knowing the aunts and uncles, especially Tony, would go overboard. 

Bee was especially enamored with a bumblebee stuffie that Lottie had picked out for her future best friend. 

“See,” Lottie motioned to Bee who was hugging the stuffie. “She lobes it. I see it my fut-uh dweams.” She beams. 

“Thank you sweetheart. We’ll make sure to take good care of it.” Steve replies with a smile.  

“Kay. Can we dance Steebie?” 

Steve chuckles but nods as he takes Lottie’s hand. Rocking around the Christmas tree plays as Lottie and Steve dance around. Soon enough the other kids join and even some parents join them. 

The rest of the afternoon is spent in a calm and entertaining environment. Some of the guys are trying to put together a few of the toys the kids got. Tony obviously decides to be the so-called project manager and they argue amongst themselves instead of actually assembling the toys. You, Sugar, Sarah and Laura watch them work. In the end the toys were done but it took way longer than necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the end of the day you had a very sleepy baby in your arms. Bee clung to you even as you tried to change her into pajamas. Instead of putting her down in her crib you brought her into your bed and settled her right in the middle. She held the bumblebee stuffie in one hand and gripped your shirt with the other. Her big blue eyes blinked owlishly at you. 

“Did you have the best day ever?” You murmur as you caress her cheek. 

She responds with a sleepy smile. Bee turns her head as the bed dips next to her and her attention shifts to Steve. While still in your arms she turns so that she can get a better look at him. 

“Hi my sweet girl. Are you ready for bed?” 

Bee tries so hard to stay awake but you know she’s exhausted after all the fun and excitement of the day. You can’t help the smile that forms on your lips as Steve sings a final Christmas song as the lullaby for the night. His voice soft and soothing pushes Bee into dreamland. 

“You and Bee are the best thing to ever happen to me.” Steve whispers. 

You smile up at him. “You and Bee are the best thing to ever happen to me too.” 

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[thearcherbrothersx]

It wasn't his favourite thing, shutting her down that like, and it certainly wasn't to make a point. For once there was no other reason for his actions other than the fact that she had met his wall, and he hadn't anticipated it. He should have though, he knew that much, and he spent the better part of their quiet walk to the kitchen contemplating why he hadn't. Sure, his mind had been focused on something else, but that didn't usually mean he couldn't also think at least a few moves ahead on the chessboard.

And he hated surprises. He analysed everything to death, so much so that usually he would at the very least have a vague idea of the many different directions any interaction could go. Apparently not tonight. He knew that his reaction hadn't been what she'd expected either. He had warned her though, that not all questions would be answered, and not all requests would be indulged.

He was in the process of retrieving plates, Cora only on the periphery of his awareness, when she spoke again. He placed the plates on the kitchen counter slowly. Unlike Cora, Declan's default was not more talking; he was busy thinking after all. So he took a moment, back still turned to her, to draw on his famous patience. When he spoke, back still turned, his tone was even and yet as usual just slightly soft around her - back to default. "Firstly, with listening," he turned around, a brow quirked. "I said we would talk about it during dinner."

Despite essentially shutting her down again, Declan moved closer this time, deciding to pick a different approach. He took her water from her, placing it on the kitchen counter. "I don't see food on the table." He grabbed her hips and spun her around, a palm on her lower back soon making her bend over the surface of the empty dinner table now in front of her. If she needed something else to focus on, he'd compromise. And so he trailed his free hand up the back of her thighs, smooth skin soft under the pads of his fingers. "Do you?"

She hated that answer. It was such a non-answer, and it was frustrating and not enough and she hated it because she just knew she had to deal with it. She had to keep wondering. "Yes, Sir." She tried to keep her tone even, neutral. Cora wasn't thrilled by his reaction, not thrilled by his deciding to just discard the entire situation. So she kept her mouth shut, and after a moment took his hand.

She stayed quiet as they walked to the kitchen, trying to even out her mood. It was in her nature, stubborn as she could be, to push back when she didn't understand something. In this moment she wanted to tell him she was frustrated, that she hated the feeling of putting herself out there and opening up to only feel blocked off. But at the same time, she didn't want to do that at all. She could extend him some patience, could give a little grace. Trust the stupid process. She let it go, and let go of the whole cumming on his tongue thing, following along behind him.

Once they were in the kitchen, another space she was familiar with, she helped herself to some water. She was trying to get out of her own head, get out of her own way, she she needed to talk. About anything. Anything except what she actually wanted to talk about. "Alright, so baseline rules, expectations, whatever we want to call them." She took a sip, realizing how thirsty she'd been. "Where is the best place to start with those?"

[pumpkinsy0]

Can we get some hcs of Pony spending Christmas with the Shepherds?

no,,,no u cannot,,,

•he was totally pulled along by curly, like w all due respect to the shepards pony never planned on spending any sort of time w them, let alone in CHRISTMAS he didnt even think they rlly celebrated it

•AND IN A WAY HES NOT WRONG!!! the shepards dont rlly celebrate it, angela and curly kinda want to but flip flop between wanting to b a good family and not caring and tim doesnt gaf about it, they would mostly spend their time doing their own thing waiting for the holiday to b over already

•but this christmas is special cause this was one of the rare times they were like “ok fuck it lets do SOMETHING together” so curly wanted pony to experience it w them too!! its only fair curlys been w ponys gang for a christmas pony gotta come along too

•not many places r open for christmas so they went some place to eat for breakfast!! not much pony says here hes rlly just “shepard watching” as he likes to call it, listening to them bicker on and on about something none of them will fill him in on till later

•pony does not spoke unless spoken to when it comes to tim AND angela, curly makes pony say something and puts him right in the spot and hes fumbling his words and hes getting teased HARD

•unless ponys borrowing one of their old jackets, curlys keeping his arm wrapped around ponys shoulders to keep him warm or they just share curlys jacket, tim and angela r fake gagging behind their backs, theyre both single and coping w it i cant blame em

•sometimes when trying to enter a place a mistletoe would b over the entrance and after SHOVING pony and curly inside bc curly wanted to take his sweet time kissing pony to anyone unfortunate to watch, tim and angela made SURE to go in one after the other they werent even gonna try and risk that bs of having someone tell them they gotta kiss, but a few times tim would kiss angelas cheek just to embarrass her (IN A FAMILIAL WAY OBVIOUSLY)

•curly got the bright idea for all of them to split up and go to different stores to steal gifts for each other, gid bless all the stores open around this time on christmas. tim got angela a pretty hairclip thats the most important thing here honestly nothing else matters, bc she always wears it now

•literally all of the minus pony stole a lil secret gift for themselves too, it was too tempting not to, this doesnt add much to the story i just felt like we all needed to hear that

•back at home, curly makes everyone hot chocolate before he has to drop pony back home, its not as decorated w whip cream and marshmallows n what not like darry does, but pony didnt mind it tasted rlly good he cant complain too much

•WOULD pony do that again???? yea sure he doesnt mind it, he wasnt talking much but it was nice seeing a different side of the shepards!! plus curly obviously had the best time and it was the first time in a while where that was the case AND they were both safe, its a nice change of pace

[misspelledwordswizard]

Would you fall in love with me again?

(Any) Link x Reader

So, I had a late night meltdown while listening to the Ithaca saga for the thousandth time and I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't write this.

Summary: You and Link are cursed to be separated and have to meet in the next life without remembering each other, but he doubts how many times you could fall in love with him.

— Do you still remember me?

The unmistakable blue eyes looked at me hopefully, a look full of affection and longing. It was crazy, but I would recognize that look no matter where, even if I had never seen this man before.

It is true that until a few seconds ago I had never thought of him, and I did not even know of his existence, just as I am sure he did not know of mine. But this is different.

I remember, they are my memories, but the one in the memories is not me. I am a different person, in fact, but no matter how many lives pass, I am still in essence. Just like he was.

Cursed not to have our happily ever after, to not be able to rest together, subject to spending each life away from each other, without being able to remember the longing that should be with us, without knowing that somewhere our other half is out there without remembering us.

But no matter how many times we have to go through this, in all of them we find each other, because it is like this, not even the strongest curse could separate us forever.

— You seem different.

— Would you fall in love with me again? Even though you’ve been waiting...

— And what changed?

— I’m not the same person you fell in love with. I’ve been through other things, I live differently. I don’t have clear memories of the man you met, I may be him in spirit, but we’re still different people.

— If that’s the case, then you’ll have no problem leaving me.

— How can you say that? I would do anything for you, I would go to hell for you without even thinking twice, there’s no one else I could love!

— Only my beloved would say that, so I guess that makes him you!

— ...

— I will fall in love with you over and over again! No matter how long it’s been, you’ll always be mine, so don’t say you’re not the one I’m waiting for, no matter the differences, no matter how many lives, I’ll always be waiting.

— Waiting for you.

— Waiting for you, Link.

[allieslittlewritings]

Homemade Ornaments

Spencer Reid x daughter!reader

Summary: How the Reids spend the Christmas season

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: None that I know of :)

A/n: Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate <3

Christmas in the Reid household was always a little bit extra. Spencer could count how many actually enjoyable Christmases he had growing up on one hand. Even as an adult, before having you, it was a time when he more often than not just felt the sickening feeling of loneliness eat him up. He once bought himself a Christmas tree and decorated it with ornaments he bought. For a second it was nice. Until it wasn't. It didn't feel the same as when he was five and him and his parents would dedicate hours to decorating their tree. It felt lonely and desperate. He didn't have the heart to put that tree up again.

Until you were born. For you, he would make Christmas fun and lively for as long as he physically could.

Your first Christmas was one of Spencer's favorite days of his life. Though you couldn't actually participate in decorating the Christmas tree or baking the cookies you couldn't eat, it no longer felt lonely.

Even if all you did was wordlessly stare at the pretty lights on the tree, it filled Spencer's heart with joy. You were going to love Christmas, he made sure of that.

The older you got, and the more things you were able to do, Spencer happily made up new family traditions for the two of you.

You always decorated the tree together. There wasn't a set date you did it, given his unpredictable work schedule. Sometimes it was as early as November 29th, and sometimes as late as Christmas Eve.

Spencer was busy attempting to plug the Christmas lights in while you made cups of hot chocolate. The same playlist of Christmas songs you listened to every year was quietly playing in the background.

You stood in wait, hot drinks in hand, and watched Spencer struggle far more than he should have knowing he'd done that every year for over a decade.

"Can I please just help you?" you asked.

"Nope, you could get electrocuted."

"So could you."

"True, but that's different," he insisted. "It would be irresponsible of me to knowingly put you in harm's way."

Finally, after what felt like a very long seventeen minutes and nineteen seconds, Spencer happily emerged from behind the tree. He adjusted his ugly Christmas sweater and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and then turned the lights on.

You lovingly admired the lights and handed your dad his mug.

"Ah, thank you, sweetheart."

You sat down in front of the tree and quietly sipped your drinks for a minute before you started hanging ornaments.

You cringed a little when you picked up the very misshapen ornament you made when you were a toddler. "Do we really have to hang this one up?"

Spencer gasped in hurt and took the ornament from your hand. "Yes. The tree would be incomplete without it. It was the first one you made without my help." You couldn't help but notice the absent-minded smile on his face as he admired the ornament in his hand.

Few words were spoken as you contently sat and continued decorating and sipping hot chocolate for the next hour or two. Every now and then you would reminisce on another old ornament. By the time you were done, Spencer could only count two that were store-bought.

Despite very year's activities being more or less the same, the tree, decorations, hot chocolate, music, and Christmas sweaters (Spencer bought you one slightly bigger than your size so you wouldn't grow out of it), it never got less enjoyable for either of you.

Baking cookies used to be a lot more chaotic. Spencer wasn't necessarily bad at baking, he just happened to burn or overbake cookies sometimes in fear of them not being baked enough and leading to you getting salmonella.

When you were old enough to help bake, the cookies turned out a lot better, they were (usually) edible.

This year you wanted to try baking gingerbread men. You gathered all the ingredients, your mixing bowl, and measuring cups.

While you made icing, Spencer measured out the ingredients. He liked to tell you about the exact ingredients and their chemical reactions when mixed together. It made baking twice as fun.

On the dining table you laid out things you could use to decorate your cookies. Frosting, chocolate chips, crushed pieces of candy. You removed a bowl of melted chocolate from the microwave and added that, too.

For no real reason, you and Spencer were excessively precise with your first ones, making sure your little gingerbread men looked like they were from a decorating cookbook. Admittedly, his looked a little better than yours.

Your second ones you did were far more messy. They all tasted the same any way, and the two of you devoured every bite.

Building snowmen was one of your personal favorite winter activities. Spencer always insisted you wear warm enough clothes, almost in excess when you were little.

Your snowman was almost complete, but it needed one last thing. And only then did you realize you failed to bring it with you.

"Dad, please tell me you remembered a carrot for his nose," you said, a dramatic amount of worry in your voice.

Spencer laughed quietly, "I was hoping you would remember but since you didn't..." He reached into your snowman making bag (something you thought of when you were four) and pulled out a carrot.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." You excitedly added the carrot to your snowman's face and stepped back to admire you and your dad's work.

"I think he looks gorgeous," you gushed.

"I have to agree," Spencer said. "Now, let's build him a daughter."

Christmas movies were a staple for the Reids during the holiday season. Most films you watched throughout the month were rewatches, but you would occasionally watch something new.

Spencer settled comfortably on the couch and and sipped his eggnog. You were busy putting your favorite Christmas movie in the DVD player. When you once suggested watching it on a streaming service, Spencer was horrified and told you to never say that again.

"How many times have we watched this movie?" you curiously asked your dad as the film started.

Spencer swallowed a gulp of soup. "Thirty-one and a half. If we continue at that rate, we'll be at a hundred-and-four when you're my age."

Not every Christmas was celebrated on actual Christmas Day. Spencer tried his best to be there every year but sometimes it simply wasn't possible. This year he was lucky enough to have the whole day off.

You woke up bright and early, so as to extend Christmas as far as possible, and sneaked to your dad's room.

Spencer snored quietly as he slept. You softly walked over to him and poked his arm repeatedly. "Dad."

Spencer hummed in response without actually opening his eyes. "It's Christmas, wake the fuck up."

Tiredly blinking his eyes open, Spencer started to groggily sit up. "Language." He wiped sleep out of his eyes and looked at the alarm clock next to his bed. "Sweetie, it's barely 6 AM."

"And?" You fiddled with the strings on your hoodie.

"And, your dad needs sleep." He lay back down with a groan but he could tell you weren't going anywhere.

He sighed and sat up again. "Fine, go get our hats."

You squealed happily and ran to get your mandatory Santa hats from the living room.

You already had yours on when you got back to his room.

"Running on socks is a bad idea." He yawned.

"Will coffee make you less of a Grinch?" you put his hat on his head, making sure to adjust his hair accordingly so it wouldn't feel off to him.

Spencer smiled tiredly. "Yes. Yes, it will."

The two of you made your way to the kitchen and you started making your coffee while Spencer put waffles in the toaster for breakfast.

He added whipped cream and chocolate chips to your waffles and crafted an almost snowman shaped clump.

You sat down in the living room — you opted for sitting on the floor in front of the couch — and ate your waffle.

You and Spencer were by no means chefs, but you still managed to make a decently good Christmas-esque meal. Some of the food was admittedly store-bought but you still tried to make a couple of things yourselves. The next few hours were spent cooking, baking, and talking with soft music playing.

Regardless of how well a dish actually turned out, you loved cooking with your dad. If it were anyone else you'd likely bump into them every other minute but you and Spencer worked well together. It was frankly quite surprising given your shared knack for clumsiness.

Spencer handed you a cherry and ate one himself. That was a mistake. You both thought the cherries were exceptionally good and thus the dessert you made ended up severely lacking in them.

"Two is probably enough, right?" You placed two cherries on top of the cake.

Spencer nodded in agreement as he popped another one in his mouth. "Definitely."

Once all the food was done, you took all of it to the dining table and set it out nicely.

"Bone apple teeth," you said with a bad attempt at a southern accent.

Spencer cringed. "Y/n..."

You cleared your throat. "Да ти е сладко." You smiled.

"Velbekommen," Spencer said back.

You continued to say the same phrase in every language the two of you knew. You stopped when you got bored, Spencer could say it in at least three more languages.

You took your emptied plates to the kitchen, though you delayed washing them until much later, and then joined your dad by the Christmas tree holding two slices of cake.

Every year, you challenged yourself to find Spencer a book you thought he would like, but hadn't read yet. This year you finally found one of the books you knew he'd been looking for for a long time. An old book from the early 19th century written by a not-so-famous mathematician.

Along with the book, which he greatly appreciated, you also got him a T-shirt and an oversized hoodie, one red and one purple. Ninety-nine percent of his outfits were made up of button-up shirts and ties, you wanted to get him something comfortable.

"Are these-"

"The exact hexcodes of your favorite shades of your favorite colors? Yes."

Spencer laughed. "Thank you, I love it."

"Did you know that in my entire lifetime, I've only ever seen you in an outfit without a button-up shirt two hundred and seventy-four times?" You asked.

"Okay, well, I happen to like all my button-up shirts," Spencer mused, looking down at his pajamas. "But I was not aware it was that little, no."

"Open your present." He took another bite of cake.

You reached forward and picked up your present. You opened it softly and carefully, in an attempt to not tear the pretty wrapping paper Spencer used.

Once you finally saw what it was a soft smile graced your face.

A Lego set related to your current favorite subject, with over a thousand pieces.

He'd also handwritten you a loving card.

You stood up and walked over to your dad and tightly hugged him from behind. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." He turned around to hug you back.

After you finished eating your cake, Spencer suggested watching that other movie a thirty-third time and you readily agreed.

You paused the movie twenty-nine minutes and twenty-four seconds in and looked over at your dad, getting unnecessarily close to him. "Do you want to go make hot chocolate?" you whispered.

He rested his forehead against yours and whispered, "Yes."

You followed him to the kitchen and sat on the kitchen counter, going on a random tangent about a topic very vaguely mentioned in the movie you were watching.

Spencer added mini candy canes and marshmallows as well as whipped cream to your drinks.

You cozily continued your movie and rested your head on Spencer's shoulder.

"You make Christmas fun," you mumbled.

"Thank you," Spencer said genuinely, pulling you into a hug. "You make Christmas even more fun."

[cynicalclairvoyantcadaver]

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ

Hi-this is a call for help.

It's not urgent, but it's very important and serious to me.

Listen-I'm writing a literal essay on how the Greek Gods are incorrectly portrayed, and I want to do sections on Zeus, Hera and Dionysus.

So, this started off as a short post on the bold yin yang of PJO, but it quickly blew up into a whole ass essay on the bastardisation of Greek culture and gods. And holy hell, I'm enjoying writing it. I freaking love it, but-

While Rick Riordan's portrayals of the gods aren't totally incorrect, something about their portrayals has been seriously nagging me for months now. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's just on the tip of my tongue-

but I don't think that Rick portrayed them all correctly, and I want to write sections for them too.

So, can all of you-Greeks, Hellenistic Pagans and other people like me who are neither of the first two but are still interested in the Real Greek Gods-can all of you tell me where PJO Dionysus, PJO Zeus and PJO Hera went wrong?

More specifically, how Real Hera, Real Zeus and Real Dionysus are, and how their PJO versions differ from them.

Because I'm doing my research, but I can't always trust the internet and I really want to hear about Dionysus and Zeus and how they were incorrectly portrayed in PJO from real people themselves.

I mean, Zeus is portrayed as paranoid and abusive and while he wasn't the best guy in the Mythology, he was a great father and husband at times-as well as a great guy.

But in PJO, he was barely shown as a good father or a husband, only twice with Thalia because she was his daughter, and we all know how abusive he was to Jason and Apollo. And he's barely given any nuance-as well as Hera. They're both portrayed to be in an abusive marriage, but both Hera and Zeus really love each other.

I kind of also want to do a section on PJO Hera, because I just KNOW that Rick went wrong with her, even if I can't fully explain Zeus and Dionysus.

So, TLDR, I'm writing an essay on how Rick incorrectly portrayed the Greek Gods and want to do sections on Zeus, Dionysus and Hera, could you please help me and tell me more about the real gods and maybe how Rick went wrong with them?

Thanks to everyone who contributes to this! Even a simple like will suffice. I will also respond to every comment, and feel free to tag anyone whom you think might help.

In fact, if you want to complain about ANYTHING wrong in the PJO series, send me an ask and I'll try to include it in my essay. And I don't get very many asks, so I'll be sure to respond to all of them.

I don't mean to be rude, and if you think I am, then please tell me and I'll change what I need to.

@elytrianemrald I know you're looking forward to this essay, I'm working on it every day and getting closer to finishing it

@lady-menrva I know this might not be your thing, but I think you might know some people who could help me

@my-pjo-stuff you mentioned Artemis being your patron goddess, soooooooo you might know something about the other gods too? And if you don't, maybe you know someone who can help?

If you want to be tagged, tell me and I will tag you

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Landlocked: A Rohan Secret Santa Ficlet

This is for you, @hastyhobbit !!! All of your prompts were intriguing, and I wish I could have done them all justice. I went with the prompt on the sea (what do the Rohirrim think of it? Do they have stories or legends about it?) and wrote you a Théodred and Éowyn story.

The fic is here on AO3 or below. It’s Théodred being the ultimate good cousin/big brother figure by giving teen Éowyn some life advice on a trip to the beach. Big thanks to @celeluwhenfics who read an early draft and whose wise and prompt feedback saved me many hours of staring at it!

Note that Storhaern is the Rohirric name for the ocean to the west of Middle Earth and just means “great sea.” In this story, Éowyn is 14, Éomer is 18, and Théodred is 31.

🐚🦀🐚🦀🐚🦀🐚🦀🐚🦀🐚🦀

Coast of the Storhaern, T.A. 3009

“Do you not want to feel the surf, cousin? Even just to wade a little right here at the shore?”

Théodred splashed his foot back and forth in the turquoise shallows, sending a light spray of water in Éowyn’s direction, but she barely looked up from the little shell she was turning idly in her hands. In fact, she had barely looked up since they arrived on the coast earlier that morning, plopping down a few yards from the water’s leading edge and keeping quietly to herself despite Éomer’s numerous entreaties to join him in the waves. She still sat in that same quietude, though she had moved steadily back as the advancing tide claimed more and more of the beach, and she held her silence even as Théodred walked over now to take a seat next to her in the coarse, warm sand.

Shielding his eyes from the sun, he squinted out at the rolling swell, an endless rippling expanse that blended gradually into the blue of the sky in the farthest distance. “They say that out there somewhere is the land where the elves go when they’re ready to leave Middle Earth,” he said, nodding toward the wide vista before them. “Eventually, they all feel the call and sail off to spend the rest of eternity beyond the horizon in a land that can’t be found by any mortal traveler.” He nudged her gently with his elbow. “What do you think of that?”

She glanced up at him just long enough to frown before returning her gaze to the shell in her hand. “It makes no difference to me. I don’t even know any elves.”

“Me neither. But I still like to think about it sometimes.” He stretched out his legs toward a small crest that swept up the sand to lap at his toes before disappearing back into the shoals, leaving clumps of colorful sea grass in its wake. “How might those other shores look? Do they have the same problems and sadnesses that we find here? Do the people there ever miss Middle Earth once they’ve sailed away from it? There are no answers in our songs and poems.”

She gave a listless shrug. “Thinking about all that serves no purpose. Even if that land exists, you’ll never see it.”

“You may be right.” He gave a mild smile and then arched a brow. “But then again, you may not. Lots of things happen in life that we don’t expect, and there’s no telling where you may end up.”

This time she merely sighed in response, and when it was clear that she would say nothing further they sat in silence, listening to the rhythmic washing of water back and forth over rock and sand and the echoing cries of the gulls and terns.

He watched her from the corner of his eye as they sat, marveling at how she had both the fresh face of inexperienced youth and the grave aspect of one who had already endured much. He had worked hard over the years to lighten those somber tendencies, to give her a place of loving stability and protection so that she could reclaim a little of the carefree childhood that she deserved, and his efforts had not been entirely in vain. He had looked on with pride as she slowly transformed from a mournful and subdued little girl into a bright and spirited young woman, full of enthusiasm and mischief and quick both to action and affection. But lately he could see this hard fought progress eroding, wearing gradually away like the boulders that lined the edge of the bay and broke the hardest of the surf. She laughed and smiled less frequently, and she had become prone to long periods of contemplative quiet, holding herself apart from people and things that she loved and reappraising it all with a sharper, more critical eye.

She had declined his many invitations to talk about what troubled her, leaving him only to speculate. But the timing of this change in her bearing — coinciding, as it did, with Éomer’s assumption of his first official duties — spoke volumes to Théodred. He had long perceived that she had the mind and mettle to match her brother deed for deed, though she had yet to voice the inclination and perhaps didn’t even believe it to be a thought worth putting into words.

It was partly for that reason that Théodred had brought her here in the first place. Away from the confines of her daily existence and the familiar plains and valleys whose every golden field and glittering stream she already knew by heart, he’d hoped that she would open up. He hoped she would allow herself to be as boundless and unpredictable as the foreign ocean that was now before her in all its glorious might, so much wider and more mysterious than their own land that was tightly bounded by mountains and rivers. He wanted her to see that her life need not always be the same, and she needn’t always be hemmed in by borders, real or imagined. She could carve a new path — he would help her to do it — if she only trusted herself enough to try.

He knew from experience that she could maintain a silence more stubbornly than anyone, and so after a time he ventured to speak again, putting a hand on her arm and squeezing lightly until she looked up at him at last.

“I’m glad that we’re here,” he said. “I know the sea doesn’t mean much to our people. Most Rohirrim will never even set eyes on it, nor feel the need to, and we get all that we require from the Snowbourn or the Entwash or the Adorn. But there’s a reason I wanted you to see it, cousin, and not just for its beauty. The world is a very big place, much bigger than you can imagine, and even the seemingly endless Storhaern is just one small part. It’s a reminder that there is much still to explore and learn and accomplish out there.”

She laughed, a hollow, mirthless sound with a bitter edge that seemed to speak unsaid words. Not for me. Her eyes flashed in the midday sun but a tremble in her lip tinged her bitterness with sorrow, and she turned aside from him, dropping the shell to the ground with a dull thud. “I’d rather be alone again, cousin, if you don’t mind. Just come and fetch me when Éomer is done having his fun.”

He stifled a small sigh of defeat and made ready to honor her request, but the flat, tired tone in her voice tugged at his heart like the tow of the bay’s undercurrent and he found that he couldn’t walk away without first trying to offer something that might be of comfort. As he groped for the right words, he stared down at the discarded shell, a pearlescent spiral of soft pink with bright whorls of red and orange, and picked it up, tracing a finger across its smooth, hard surface. A memory began to slowly emerge from the depths of his mind. A memory of another delicate shell in a hand much like Éowyn’s. A memory from long ago that told him exactly what he wanted to say now.

“May I share just one more thing, cousin? And then I promise that I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”

She nodded without turning.

“When I was a small boy, I once found a shell just like this one that you’ve been toying with. We were visiting Grandmother’s family, and Aunt Théodwyn took me for a special day at the beach, just the two of us. We swam and watched the boats coming into the harbor, and she buried me in the sand until only my head and my feet were still visible.”

Her back was still to him, but he could tell by the slight tilt of her head that she was listening, caught as always by any reference to her mother.

“My favorite part was digging around in the tidal flats for clams and snails and other creatures hiding in the silt, and we discovered a small crab living in a little pink and orange shell. That shell was meant to protect him and give him a place to rest and grow, and it seemed to do its job well. But your mother told me that it wouldn’t always. As the crab got older and bigger, the shell would start to feel uncomfortable to him. It would restrain him from doing everything he wanted and needed to do, becoming a hindrance rather than a help. And so he would change it. When he felt ready, he’d crawl out and find a new one that suited him better and made him happy. He didn’t have to be trapped forever in the shell he started with. He just needed the courage to claim a different one.” He leaned over to place the shell back in front of her before hoisting himself to his feet. “Sounds pretty smart, if you ask me.”

He dropped a kiss on the top of her head as he straightened up and then left her as promised, heading out to the surf line where Éomer and a few of his guards were gleefully allowing themselves to be battered by the incoming tide. He took only one quick look back to see that she held the shell in her hand once more, staring at it with new intensity, and when she quietly slipped it into her pocket, he smiled.

[seethew3stwithm3]

frost on the eaves // j. miller

hi there :) it's been a while since i've been on tumblr, and i started completely anew with this account, so let me introduce myself. i'm clarke <3 i love to write, even though my creativity has been pretty shit for the past year. but here's a little something i jotted down while listening to phoebe bridgers' christmas music, because i love me some seasonal melancholy. have a wonderful holiday season. and i hope this is the first fic of many. much love, clarke x

(gender-neutral reader. you can imagine show or game joel, it's up to you <3) warnings: angst. a little bit of lightheartedness. the general melancholy at the end of the world. mentions of sarah.

Snow was no stranger to blood, not after all this time at the end of the world. Seasons changed, leaves fell, the sun burned, but Winter always came back around.

Blood dripped from Joel’s nose as he walked back to the house, stumbling a little in the fresh sleet. He swore to himself, an ache in his lower back becoming more apparent with every step he took, as he pulled his jacket tighter around himself.

The cold had always made his nose bleed.

Shoving through the door, he kicked the snow from his boots before leaning against the wall to unlace them. Ellie wasn’t around, or else she would’ve come bounding down the stairs to complain about the racket he’d made.

He was still getting used to not having her at his side, was still working on easing the panic that arose whenever she was out of his sight. They were in Jackson now, as safe as they’d probably ever get, but the decades of vigilance and paranoia, of never trusting anybody, would take just as much time to undo.

Ellie is fine, he reminded himself as he tugged off his boots, grunting in pain at the strain it put on his back.

Lifetimes ago, he would’ve spent tonight in front of a fireplace, wrapping gifts for a little girl whose squeals of delight still lingered faintly in the deepest trenches of his memory. Christmas had once been his favourite time of year, if only for the stupendous amount of joy it brought to Sarah.

Whether it was the glimmering strings of lights, the window displays at the mall, or the general sense of festivity, Sarah’s excitement was constant and infectious for the entire month of December. And, by God, did he miss that.

Joel didn’t let himself remember very often, for it always brought a heaviness with it that was difficult to shake. But just this once, on this cold winter’s night, he let himself recall the sound of his daughter’s laugh. Of the gleam in her eyes, the same shade as his, when she’d unwrapped the digital camera he’d bought for her when she was thirteen.

He’d blinked spots out of his vision for weeks, always caught off guard by the click and flash when Sarah had pointed the damn thing in his direction. He thought of the photo albums she’d filled with whatever provoked enough joy in a thirteen-year-old to immortalise it in a photograph, and wondered what had become of them.

They, like everything —his Sarah, the world— would, of course, be long gone.

With a long sigh, Joel rested his head against the door. In the dark of the hallway, he blinked back the sting of tears. Christmas Eve was different now, all he’d planned to do was down a glass of whiskey, a heavy pour seemed necessary tonight, and go to sleep.

If he was lucky, he’d sleep through Christmas Day altogether.

But the wood vibrated against his forehead as somebody knocked on his door. Huffing a sigh, he opened it. You were the last person he’d expected to see on his doorstep.

“Hi,” you said softly, clutching a thermos in your gloved hands, wearing a gentle smile. But that smile dipped as he stepped into the porchlight. “You’re bleeding.”

“What? Oh.” Joel wiped his nose with the back of his hand, but it was no use, the blood had dried and crusted. “It’s nothin’, come in. Just let me clean up.”

As he led you inside, he couldn’t help but think of the last time you’d graced this hall. It had been two weeks since you’d kissed him, and maybe he’d been out of his damn mind. In the days that followed, he’d made himself scarce, signing up for extra patrols despite the ache in his back. It was foolish, and he’d regretted it each night when pain had lanced up his spine, down through his knees, as he’d tried to sleep.

In the days that followed, he’d fought an internal battle. His relief at a gentle touch waged a losing war against his stubbornness, against his certainty that forging any kind of meaningful connection would only end badly. With loss or abandonment, and he’d faced too much of that. He couldn’t do it again. He just… couldn’t.

Damn him for craving the warmth of you.

“Joel?”

Your voice shook him from his thoughts, and he turned away from the sink where he’d been wiping the blood from his nose.

“Yeah?” He sniffed, relieved that he could breathe clearly now. He crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter.

“I’m sorry,” you said, gaze drifting from the window to his closed-off stance, then to the floor. “For the kiss, and everything. I… yeah.”

With a shrug, your whole demeanour changed. Softening, accommodating to the fizzling awkwardness, brushing it aside. Without ever giving Joel a chance to say anything.

“Anyway, I was going to go for a walk to look at the lights and the tree they put up by the dining hall. I made cocoa. And, well, I guess I came here to ask if you’d come with me?”

Joel nodded, clearing his throat. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

A few minutes later, once Joel had tugged his boots back on, the two of you were out in the cold. It hadn’t snowed too heavily this morning, but the ground was a little icier than usual. You had to focus on each step you took to keep from slipping. But despite your vigilance, you stumbled.

Joel’s hand shot out to grab your elbow, stabilising you in an instant, as he’d done countless times on patrol, or wandering through Jackson. Once you were sure of your footing, you gently shrugged him off, giving him space. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want you, and you weren’t about to disrespect his boundaries by selfishly lingering close.

In the square, the tree they’d set up glimmered with lights. Handmade ornaments adorned the branches, the same ones you’d watched the kids put together in the dining hall last week when you’d been on dish duty after lunch. Painted pinecones, handsewn fabric stars, little bits and bobs and scraps that sparkled and shone.

A few others wandered by, holding steaming mugs of tea, all gathered to take in this sliver of rare festivity. Bundled up in coats and beanies, their breath like clouds in front of them. It was almost like Christmas before.

Settling down on a bench, you took a sip of cocoa from the thermos you carried. Joel grunted quietly; his hands braced on his knees as he sat down beside you. When you offered him the thermos, he took it graciously.

“This is good,” he murmured as he took another few mouthfuls before handing it back.

Minutes passed in silence, and snow began to fall. Little flurries that swept through the brightly lit city centre. Kids laughed, one of them was Ellie, running by with the friends she’d made.

Then it was quiet once more, and the gathered townsfolk left one by one, until the square was empty. Just you and Joel, alone in the snow, illuminated in a dusky glow.

“You didn’t have to apologise,” Joel said after a while, his voice a low rumble. It reminded you of glowing embers, warm, but only if you were close enough. “For kissin’ me, I mean. It was… I didn’t mind.”

You shrugged, setting the thermos on the ground between your feet. “It’s alright. There’re no hard feelings, Joel. The fact that you disappeared and didn’t speak to me for days said enough. It wasn’t… I should’ve asked, before just… yeah.”

The snow picked up, the only witness to this moonlit conversation. A few flakes caught in Joel’s hair, and you found yourself staring, even though you knew you shouldn’t.

“I didn’t… I don’t…” Joel sighed, running a hand down his face, brows furrowed. “I regret avoidin’ you—”

“I already said it’s fine, really—”

“No, ‘cause it made it seem like I didn’t want you when I did,” he grit out, something akin to shame in his voice. “When I do,” he amended.

A snowflake landed on your nose, a tickle of cold that you wiped away. Your heart thudded in your chest, and though you opened your mouth, no words came out.

“And if you’d let me, I’d… I’d like to kiss you.” Joel’s voice had never sounded so gentle.

Haloed in the dim glow, gilded with a faint golden gleam, he looked… different. Different to the Joel you’d always known. His ruggedness had softened at the edges, his dark gaze fixed on you, an almost imperceptible blush upon his cheeks.

There was kindness in him, you’d always known there was, despite his stern exterior. He just wanted to get by, and you understood that, because with the world as it was now, there was no room for gentleness or peace. It was best to grit your teeth, crack your knuckles, and take everything on the offense. Or, alternatively, take the defensive approach and drive yourself mad with paranoia, watching your back with an obsessive nature that slowly chipped away at your health.

Joel had found a sort of balance between the two, and kept his kindness hidden away, stamped down by the years of survival. He was faded photograph of passing time, with the smattering of grey in his hair, the lines on his forehead and the wrinkles by his eyes, the calluses on his hands and the scars on his knuckles.

It was as though the entire universe, whatever was left of it, weighed on his broad shoulders. And maybe it did. These days, everybody had a cross to bear, memories they’d rather forget.

But if this moment, whatever it was, could ease that ache in him, in you, even if just for a second… You’d take that chance. You’d spent a long time waiting for it.

“Okay,” you whispered, nodding slowly.

His hand came up to cup your cheek as he leaned in, and you were startled by the impulse that bloomed in your chest. The desire to just surrender. To take a moment of respite, alone here in his arms.

He tasted of hot cocoa and mint, and his lips were a little chapped from the cold. But the warmth that seeped into you was a pleasant embrace. And he kissed you like he’d done it a million times before, with a sort of assurance that only accompanied truly knowing somebody.

His tongue swiped at the seam of your lips, and you pulled away. There was still time, you didn’t want to rush this. Whatever it might become.

“Merry Christmas, Joel,” you whispered into the silence, your forehead resting against his. Your eyes were shut, and you could feel the featherlight weight of snowflakes as they landed on your lashes.

“Merry Christmas.”

-----------------------

thanks for reading! i hope to be posting frequently, so if there's anything you'd like to read, send it in and i'll give it my best shot.

[derww]

gnome, im so fucking happy youve spoken about chat being a character and member, ive been thinking about for so fucking long and seeing our ideas merge and respond to each other is just so awesome. <3

for me zams chat just was a character in some way or another, even if muss less formed, from the team awesome breakup and further. yes, princezam is a very anxious and uncertain guy, but would he actually be so constatly changing without listening and wanting to please a chat divided by opinions and therefore always unhappy with him? he got his breakdown few days before the wormhole about how chat is the reason he is in such a bad position, because he wants to please everyone and he can't, and i see it. in some way, eclipse!pz chat was a second planetlord, always making him unsure and asking questions and saying to leave, and i really dont think wed got even close to the plot we got in the end without chat. i started thinking about it for the first time when writing my lifesteal retrospective (tldr i briefly and not too accurately retold plot of s4 with pz focal to nivalu, its like +- 350 pages i think) and really fast got into the point where i was not able to write princezam at all not explaining how much had chat influenced him. in my head, at some point, most active chatters even became a characters on their own, being not a hivemind, but their own personalities with a vision and way to show it, and for the while seasons they were not only influencing pz, but they formed alliances with each other, changed their opinions and ways of influencing what was happening. and many of it actually mattered in the end, and if it wont, pz wont be so angry for all the voices in his head. while he has a character and his vision, over the past month, I've been discussing how driven he really is by the narrative and the world around him, and in general, he's reactive, and chat is part of it. it is a part of a reason why i stopped writing in chat, actually.

while zam had said that hes trying not to be influienced by the chat while making his decisions now, and i believe that hes doing his best, he really still is. loved that you mentioned your and zy theories and how it was not only presented to zam but influenced him and turned out to be completely true (I owe you and zy for not wanting to believe yall, you're incredibly smart and you were right!). before chat had mentioned it, he didn't even think about it, and initially completely dismissed the idea, but continued to reason, and by the time of the conversation with mapicc he perceived it almost as an accurate fact. there is much more less impressive but still noticable moments like that, when a chatter brings quote or idea from tumblr and it influences him, and i think while the basis of the conclusion does not include any info from others streams (staring at derapchu chatters), its awesome. its not entirely fair since we are still influenced by the knowledge, but its sorta a consequence of chat being the only lifesteal character existing out of the server. we can have no body, but we surely do change things, how any important convo can change many things in a person.

i really love it, and i also think that other chats are also partially like that, even tho less formed than zams, but still obviously changing things (even just helping the streamer, with the farms, with the riddles, how is it different from having a cool teammate who cant come right now but can explain?), but it is also a reason why i actually almost stopped writing in chats. because, while i like having the chat as a character, i dont want to be part of a lifesteal that way. but its actually so, so awesome that we have all of this. technoblade had made his chat in a part of his character as something that makes him want blood and death, but he rarely heard distict voices just because of how much of them were. zam has much less of them, and important part of them grew up with his character and gets how exactly to not just discuss a lore, but to be a part of it. not-quite-a-hivemind, but definetely a character that cannot be ignored. another reminder of how much can be done at lifesteal without spilling a drop of blood (except for the blood of the chatters who had died in !lifesteal chat pvp, of course).

All About You

This is about to be the most meta analysis post of my life, but something that has fascinated me the most about lifesteal recently: chat is the 38th member.

As a live stream story, lifesteal is always going to be affected by the live audience, the streamer reading messages, talking back and forth, sometimes doing what chat wants. This is the streamer-chat dynamic. It's natural, it's part of the story.

But something that has fascinated me particularly since season 4, particularly post zam's break s5, and Particularly in s6 since I've started interacting on tumblr, is just how much chat influences the lore and how much we influence each other.

At each of these moments there was a shift in the PrinceZam streamer-chat dynamic.

Season 4 was a lot of anti-lore chatters. People who blah blah blah'ed it up whenever Zam went into a spiral about what he should do. It heightened the feeling of isolation and confusion, especially as some chatters (shoutout van) tried to gently encourage zam in his decision making, giving counter points to the negativity. Unfortunately it often just lead to more confusion as chat was split 50/50 on almost every decision.

In season 5, after the break, there was a reset of the mod team to the team we have now (knowing most of you are here potentially reading this is weird.) These were the best chatters of s4, the ones who became highly invested in Eclipse, and lifesteal in general, and Zam in particular.

In season 5 the hivemind of the mod team getting excited about lore was hilarious to watch. Half the team reprimanded backseating of the rest of the mod team (shoutout meep), the other half lored it up (shoutout chips), everyone loved it. 'Credit to the artist' was born as direct quotes from chat made it into the character.

Read that again: Direct Quotes From Chat Made It Into The Character.

That is weird.

No longer was it simply the mind of PrinceZam forming the character of Zam, as we watched and reacted, but chat itself became an integral part of the lore (these are his amends. make him repent) forming and shaping it, right alongside Zam, into what that season became.

In particular the conversations as the Joker (specifically the Jumper yap in your president doesn't care about you) brought out comparison after comparison to past seasons of princezam as chatters brought up and compared jumper to zam season 3. This sparked a huge renaissance of past season analysis of Zam which became heavily integrated into the final months of the server, with zam to minute, with minute bringing up his own inspiration of season 3 zam, and with zam musing about how each character approaches what past seasons mean to them (concluding, iirc, that they remember it but it doesn't matter to them. tell that to s6 zam lol).

In season 6 the dynamic has shifted again. Credit to the artist has died down, usually in favor of admitting he's reading a suggestion from chat, but the back and forth conversation, reading out specific messages, from often the same few people (shoutout arch and van and citrus (hi citrus)) has flourished more than ever (also shoutout the new chatters. there's been a turnover again and a lot of new names who are consistently affecting the lore)

Right at the end of season 5 I began interacting on lstumblr and writing and reading posts. It came from the end of season conversation about The Mering essay, Barrier Blocks: a breakdown of lifesteal in 22k words about season 4 and conflict. It wasn't the first time that essay and the story of Eclipse Federation was brought up and analyzed on stream as Zam encountered head on that his darkest time on lifesteal was the defacto fan favorite story of the server.

The analysis of the chatters was being shared with the streamer and therefore, the character. These were the seeds of thinking deeply about his actions in s4 and s5 and how he actually felt about them and not just moving on and forgetting.

And then something else started happening. Maybe it happened often before, and I was just not aware of it; I do remember a few times in s5 the mod team referencing and asking zam questions about his character that they had talked about or mused over between each other on discord. So it was happening to some extent, but particularly since starting to hear your opinions and analysis about the story on tumblr, I'm seeing a new trend in s6.

The fandom stream snipe:

When someone in chat innocently brings up something I damn well know was talked about on here just the day before.

Some analysis about a previous stream. Some wishful musing about interactions we hope to see. A tidbit about a previous stream that was unresolved.

And it changes the lore just as much as Planet is known to change the lore by talking to Zam.

The two instances that got me really thinking about chat being the 38th member were recent:

After 4c betrayed there was of course a lot of discussion and the general consensus was the we would love to see another 4c and zam conversation. Especially after 4c gave kab the disc, and zam did the short confrontation of him with derap. Multiple people, I mean it was on everyone's mind, wanted another interaction.

And when the timing was good, chat struck. Or should I say, van cooked. After Zam wrote signs about kab and wondered what to do about his interactions with her, someone mentioned 4c, and the door was opened to talk about what we were all wondering about. Van delivered, nearly single handedly driving the conversation towards talking to 4c, musing that it felt unresolved. When zam got distracted by demi talking about his base, van brought the discussion back around to 4c and the rest of chat started cooking too, innocently encouraging a second conversation. And Zam /msged 4c to talk.

It would not have happened without chat.

The second was yesterday: talking about Leo potentially being a mole. I had analysis, I know zy had analysis, I think others did as well. But until chat started bringing up fandom analysis, zam and derap were not sus of Leo in the slightest. Zam was only partially suspicious about Mapicc wanting to kill Flame, but he only thought of it in terms of letting Mapicc down.

And it got me thinking; at what point are we stream sniping ourselves? It's not really stream sniping (though the 4c one gets very close) because it's based on our own analysis, and usually just based on zam's streams, or doesn't include knowledge that isn't known.

But that Leo analysis was lifesteal spoiler walled. It was, by default, something that was kept hidden from lifestealers on tumblr (though less for zam and more for anyone else), though, as a theory, is it really a spoiler? But as a theory, is it really meant to be seen by the character? Unless we were a member and wanted to tell our teammate we thought something was up?

It's an interesting conundrum. Our analysis is a hivemind of hyperfixating viewers who Think about lifesteal all the time, rewatch streams, watch everyone and know how everyone is likely to be thinking and acting, breaking it down, reading each other's analysis and cultivating a deep web of theories and hopes and dreams about this lovely server of ours.

And that holds weight. All the minds of the viewers pushing together to have an affect on the server. Honorable mentions are our opinions/analysis on lskab that ran rampant in chat for that like month, and, in the opposite direction, mer's rewatch of s4 ending in a "i wish zam could talk to vitalasy again" post which plausibly reignited the deep dive thinking about that season and then culminated in this past saturday's stream!

Would PrinceZam the character ever have wanted to talk to vitalasy nearly half as much without the love of the fandom (not just mer) for eclipse federation that persists to this very moment nearly 2 years later?

We mighteswell be a member on the server asking zam to talk to someone!

Not to give us a big head.

I'm in no way criticizing these actions. I don't have an opinion either way for when it's too much. It's part of the medium to have a chat. Lifesteal would simply not be lifesteal without the audience interaction and this influence is hardly new to the story. One could say the ls story never got started until the audience cared enough about the story as story to have an opinion on where it should go.

And it's the same with the server members: they have to care about the story enough to log on and be in the story. And then they start affecting it and the story is created.