#we leave tomorrow so i can see her then
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vacation update: i am. intensely sunburnt on my upper arms, my shoulders, and my back lmao
because i wasn’t, like, directly sunbathing today, i didn’t really think it was a big deal if i didn’t put any sunscreen on. i was in and out of shops a lot as well
i was wrong. wear your sunscreen, kids. my arms hurt lol (not really, they’re just very hot and a little prickly. still wear sunscreen tho)
the cashier at a winery i went to thought i was cute tho, so at least i got one win today
#personal#vacation#on vacation#vacation time#sunburn#sunburned#i am crispy#not really#i’ll be okay#but for now i am prickly#like a cactus#the lake was nice today tho#which was very nice#and i looked great today#in my humble opinion#i miss my cat though#we leave tomorrow so i can see her then
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Bump in the Night & Nevertober Day 23: Restless Spirits & Devil/Angel
#6#Bump in the Night#Bump in the Night 2024#Nevertober24#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#The Book of Life#HIIIIII#wow I did good today not posting like 0.5 seconds before the day ends#And I made some cool pieces!!#For BITN I drew Manolo from Book of Life! First time drawing him and he came out cool#Whole movie is his spirit being restless#I love the music in that movie too#Si Puedes Perdonar mi amor#Y Te Amo y Más es muy bueno#The animation is cool and story is interesting#Xibalba y La Muerte dios mio I love them so much. La Muerte especially love her design and her voice hhggn#And then for Nevertober I drew them dressed uppppp#The song lyrics are from Angel by River Styx#Very top tier song.. I imagine Lenore and Annabel sing it like near the end of 42#Like Annabel tells her she’s leaving and then Lenore’s like “… can we sing one more song together?”#And it also helps bc the song’s like all on piano so Lenore plays it and hhhgnggn lesbians#The song’s in my Nevermore playlist on Spotify if you wanna find it and also see my giant collection of songs for this webtoon#But yeah this came out cute!! I love both their faces like cutie patooties#So glad the angel wings covered Annabel’s hair bc I didn’t feel like drawing that today#Uh yeah fun arts!! See you here tomorrow for all 3 art challenges
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SICK. "right person, wrong time."
#SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK.#my HANDS are shaking.#what the fuck.#lolaa.txt#sorry 4 freakoutposting . nobody can know about this so i have nowhere else to say it all.#WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE.#RIGHT PERSON WRONG TIME. WHY IS IT WRONG TIME.#WHY AM I RIGHT PERSON.#IM RIGHT PERSON.#WHAT. WHAT#HE TALKED ABOUT ME TO HIS FRIENDS. AND HES SO TOTALLY HONEST#I WAS FULLY LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HE SAYS 'ok i do have to turn on the ac . ' AND SORT OF HALF LAUGHED SMILED AT ME#HE WAS BLUSHING .#HE KISSED ME.#AND IT WAS MESSY AND AWKWARD AND VERY SIDEWAYS BUT HE KISSED ME#AGAIN AND AGAIN. AND HE KEPT SMILING.#AND HE DIDNT WANT ME TO LEAVE BUT HE DIDNT WANT ME TO BE IN TROUBLE#i was 2 hours late getting home. AUHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHGHIGHSEOIFHSEFOUESHFESJKKMNN#FUCKKK. I HAVE TO SEE HIM TOMORROW. IN A SCHOOL SETTING.#AND I CANT TELL ANY OF MY FRIENDS?????????#only one person knows and i swore her to secrecy because she wanted us to get together really bad.#FUCK but like . we cant. we cant do it right person WRONG TIME#but also can we just go back to being friends. do i really want to forget? it was so comfy.#FUCK.#FUCKKKKKK . AND CAM.#cam is so so sweet. light of my life cam. talented and artistic and handsome cam.#but. cam doesnt watch movies. or make mixtapes. or kiss me in the front seat of their car because our noses touched when we laughed#AGAIN SORRY. NORMAL. i need to tell my parents about the movie (tradition that they hear all about it) and NOT bring any of this up#i will be dodging the allegations the whole time. NOT EVERYONE GETS SOMEONE PREGNANT IN HIGH SCHOOL FATHER.#so there is that.
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night night everybunny
#going to a family reunion tomorrow#finally going to see my favorite aunt again 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#i missed her so so much 🥹#it's been lonely when she moved out with her family </3#hope we can talk tomorrow !#we're going to leave at like 6 am#so i have to sleep early :3#bringing rinnie tmrw !!!!!!#miro's diary
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me after three days of in-person meetings and team-building activities.
#i understand her completely#that is the face i made this morning at 7:30 and i got up once again to leave my house before 9 am to be social#i am an empty dried husk.#i am a mango seed when you suck all the pulp and fruit off it#it was really nice to see my coworkers cause i work remotely (which is a true blessing)#and i was very proud of myself cause i didnt feel any anxiety going to a work social event/day like I have in the past#it was actually enjoying to interact with people and be social and FLEX those skills that I don’t often get to use#and as much as I like to be a curmudgeon half the time and be like ‘idgaf about what you did this weekend Karen’ you gotta make conversation#there was even someone cute who I hadn’t met before#my grandma and I had a conversation the other day and she’s like ‘so are you dating?’ and I’m like ‘grandma where will I meet a man?’#and she was like ‘you’re right. where would you meet someone nowadays? people usually meet through work#but I work virtually and half the people are married or not cute! but there was a guy in my assigned group who was cute#so I went out of my way to make conversation with him (it was about work and nothing came from that interaction) BUT STILL#it’s a good reminder I *can* have those interactions if I so choose#I was also ovulating though so I think I moving with more hunger shall we say#anyways#i am very very very tired and socially burnt out#i need to go for a long walk. smoke some weed. read fanfic. get off and go to bed. that is my main focus for the rest of the day#thank FUCK it’s friday tomorrow.
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i have one more clip to post but that's being saved until i feel like doing a mild edit. which means it will probably be next week i am On A Schedule right now every single day is being meticulously planned out kjgfhgk (help)
on the bright side, skyblock update. 85% TO FISHING 42 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH 💥💥💥
#i just wanna be fishing 45 please send help#long youtube videos save me...#every show i wanna watch requires captions so i cant devote enough attention to reading and playing >:( so im stuck with youtube videos#it's a slow grind but it's been a lot better with my gear upgrades and the new mixin they added :0 i was 0% two or three days ago#and considering i havent been able to play much. THAT'S A LOT OF EXP#goal is fishing 45 by 2024 but i dont think that'll happen. might set my sights for at least 43 i'll take ONE more level#it's going by faster rn with marina but i've been schedule for work her entire term#BUT DERPY IS ABOUT TO BE MAYOR AND IM OFF FOR THE HOLIDAYS WOOOOOO time to grind#i dont go back till wednesday after tomorrow life is beautiful#i'll try to be a little bit social but. can someone please come to my house for once instead of me leaving the house#i am driving All The Time now it's starting to wear me out :(#''wanna come over wanna go do this'' can we hang out here i have a dog who would love to see you#chat
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Also I can’t figure out if my life genuinely does suck or I’m just having an existential crisis because my period starts in approximately 48 hours
#it does make me worse ngl. i wish i could just yeet my uterus#i was just starting to think about how all my days are the same and it’s boring and i’m boring#and i never see anybody or meet new people or make new friends#working from home is all well and good until it makes you want to [redacted]#and you all can say ‘just leave your house!’ as much as you want but living in a small town and having no car is not really conducive#to getting myself out there#i mean my town literally has about a dozen businesses and half of them are sad pubs. the others are like hair salon; co-op; church; butcher#2 takeaways. and yeah there’s parks but all of them are kind of dire#maybe i could start getting the bus places. going somewhere else. idk#i have been thinking about taking a trip but wherever i go i still take myself and it’s like i’m in this state of permanent malaise#too nervous to talk to anyone and too impatient to linger anywhere or enjoy anything#everything i do i rush through so i can do something else#and i think amongst it all i’m just reckoning with the fact that i’m never going to be remarkable. i mean neither is anyone else really#but i always thought i’d write a novel or become a college professor or something but i’m not smart enough and i don’t have enough words#or ideas in me. not really. i’m not a creative i’m just an imitator. always have been#and i could live with being unremarkable because we all are in the cosmic universe but i still don’t think i can live with rotting#in my hometown. but then it’s like how do i get out?#i signed up for an online course just to vary things a bit. just to get some enrichment in my enclosure#it’s this slow realisation that i thought i Wanted to work at home. i thought i liked the peace of it. just me and the computer screen#but no i like to work outside and then come back to my home as my sanctuary. i have to leave it sometimes to really appreciate it#but no one wants to hire me for an intellectual job because i’m not actually that smart. and my body is too broken to work in hospitality#anymore. or is it. i mean for god’s sake i can run three times a week but i don’t trust myself to be able to stand for hours#i’m thinking about throwing myself on the mercy of my old boss like hey. i fucked up. do you have any shifts for me? i’ll do weekends#i just don’t want to lose my fucking mind#maybe i’ll text her tomorrow. the worst thing she can say is no#personal
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#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage#directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space#im just fucking. im at my saturation point#its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking#mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance#and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting#that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck#ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done#im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine#bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt#working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating#god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to#feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even#this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong#im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must#be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care#leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care#anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy#i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago#itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage#unrelated
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jesus christ my roommate who forced me to go out and get a tree yesterday is having me help decorate and she’s being SO controlling about how we do it even though she’s literally never done it before and like this doesn’t even matter but she kept telling me to make the lights less deep and I kept saying no it’s fine can you please just let me do this and she got so mad and left and went to her room and then yelled for her bf so now there’s all this awkwardness...girl I never even wanted to decorate I have far too little time. she’s so stubborn and overbearing and certain that her way is the right way even though she has no idea! confidence is great but this is so frustrating. she is 27!
#her confidently telling us the wrong way to put lights on in the beginning and we had to say uh no that wont work#like at dinner she was telling her bf how to eat and the right way to eat this specific food she made#and he was like can you please just let me eat#I've kind of wanted to bring it up for a while but I just don#don't feel like she respects me very much sometimes#like she will tell me to do things and I'll have to be like. um no I would rather not#like today I was taking out the trash and she's like 'there's more room in there leave it until tomorrow'#and I was like um I live here too and I don't want to work in a kitchen with such a full trash#also I buy all the trash bags for the kitchen anyway#you could not pay me to date someone so controlling my GOD#hopefully it's all normal tomorrow but she rarely apologizes and I will not so ig we'll see#cor.txt
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You know when you don’t want to go to sleep cause you know tomorrow your day is going to be shit 😭
#I don’t wanna sleep and wake up for THAT#nothing better happen cause I do not care to fight#my aunt better not try to guilt trip me because I don’t wanna talk to her she better understand and leave me alone#I miss my grandmother but I also feel so bad for seeeing for so long…#I’m for sure either crying this night or in the shower tomorrow morning 😭#I’m also worried on the Puppy side 😭#I’m glad he can see his mom again but I hope we can calm him down before anything happen#and my dad dosen’t wanna tell my aunt to not bring her dog cause her dog is always running everywhere and I don’t pups to get too excited#or stress over her running around*#I have too calm down and not worry too much but how can I ?#seeing her again is a nightmare I don’t want to but I can’t say know or I’ll never see my grandma again….#I wish she had covid still and fucking stayed home 🙄#not seeing her for 3 years was so great and I wish my dad understood how much it affected me but he thing I’m exaggerating#wish me luck guys I need it I need more than luck honestly 😭#I can already see the million moments of panic happening…. this is going to be fun for no one#I should go now my head hurt but I know I’ll stress way too much to sleep i’ need to calm down 😭#Alex.txt
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hhgsssss
#friend from undergrad is in town so i saw her and some others#had way too much food + also had alcohol#i can just compensate tomorrow though so its fine#right???#sigh. i should have lied and said i had dinner before going#also now i am convinced that she hates me + am sad/angry at her for leaving me last year#so the obvious answer to that is sh.#we shall see if i actully do it or not bc i kinda just want to go to bed#i hate that this is my life. again.#cw// ed#cw// sh
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#honestly need to stop listening to Taylor like i get its relatable and she puts it in better words than i could and its good to cry to her#BUT i need to move on. shit happened and shit has been over for three months. i need to put it all down and move on.#there are far better things than we leave behind. its ok it didn't work out. its ok its not ending how you thought it would.#sometimes things humble you down and thats ok. but you need to let it go now. you dont have to see him ever again after tomorrow. so#let it go. put it down. none of this is yours to carry anymore. you've cried and lost your mind to this you've felt this as much as you can#put it down now. there is no need to carry it around there are plans unfolding there are bigger things happening there are goals you need#to reach and accomplish#personal
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Hi
#my art#my art lol#my ocs#Wilbur osmonds#my characters#Moonlit Alleyways#creepypasta oc#help me#i have school tomorrow and im gonnna scream at the next person who calls me their “Girlfriend” in a sarcastic way or just is being an actua#prick#I CANT EVEN USE MY FUCKING PHONE TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE BAD PERSONAL STUFF I DONT TALK ABOUT ONLINE-#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I HATE THESE PEOPLE!! ISTG!! I JUST WANNA WATCH BSDS OR LISTEN TO MUSIC OR SOMETHING AGAIN#BUT OH NO I HAVE TO PUT MY PHONE IN THIS UGLY ASS POUTCH THING AND I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL WE CAN LEAVE TO USE IT!!! THE SOUL PURPOSE I USE IT#IS SO THEN I CAN IGNORE HOW SHITTY MY DAY IS! ISTG I HATE IT THERE AND I KNOW THAT ITS GONNA GET FUCKING WORSE!!! AAA#THE ONLY THING I HAVE ACCESS TO THATS LIKE MY PHONE IS A FUCKING COMPUTER!! AND WE ONLY ARE ALLOWED TO USE THEM FOR WORK OR HOMEWORK!!!!#I CANT EVEN GO INTO THE LIBRARY TO IGNORE THE BAD THINGS!!!#I WANNA USE MY FUCKING PHONE!!!!!!!!!#i sound like an idiot but istg im so tired.#i will punch or snap at a classmate one of these days#i already got into a fight with a bitch who showed me how replaceable i am at the age of like 8 or 9 and i have to see her everyday and#shes still a rude bitch. im not even joking she doesnt know basic ass manners and just is an asshole she uses slurs and other bad fucking#Shit and i wish shed just leave already!!!!#also i drew this with a phone lol-
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work bullshit.......... work bullshit.............
#needs must say things#god. augh.#my boss is retiring and i read just the email announcing the changes and what is to come....#i assumed she'd just replaced but no they're restructuring everything instead and combining us w another team whose manager is also retirin#i forgot that budgets are locked. im more accepting of it now that ive remembered they can't hire anyone new#but man! fucked! not to be immediately negative but this is fucked!#our teams are separate for a reason...... we are very different operations.....#i was already like 'man my boss's job req's so much specific knowledge that she's acquired over 10+ years so how is this gonna work w/o her#and it's like oh. cool. i don't think this would work even if my boss were doing it#and so like we're getting a joint manager and then also this other person and the email just had the job title but based on that alone#it's like okay sorry what the fuck is she gonna be doing??#it's like 'blah blah blah analyst' WHAT is she gonna be analysing.....#im sure it's all gonna work out. i just hate change and don't know these ppl well nor the ppl on the team we're gonna be merged with#and i do wish they had told us first so i didn't have to learn this through a fucking division wide email.....#this would sound better coming from my boss. at least she'd have been real about it.#thinking abt it more i can maybe see what the random new role is for.... but god..... this gonna be so fucked#we would defer to my boss for SO many decisions and these ppl know nothing.#she's not fully fully leaving for a while yet but man. fucked.#and i have to go into the office tomorrow. kill meeeeeeeee#ok ok now to shake it off. life is a blessing etc etc#sorry just one more thing but this budget stuff is truly fucking us like. it feels like so many things are on this sickening downward spira
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Working in the yarn shop on Sundays, I have a group of regulars who come in specifically then for my advice on their knitting projects and over the years I've gotten to know a lot about them - their ailments and their spouses and their children and their careers and their mothers are all things they find themselves telling me about over the course of trying to bring forth a knitted piece. Most of them are women, most of them are over 50, and most of them have been through a lot and are trying to reclaim something for themselves through the act of creation. A while back, one of these older women opened up to me about how when she first came to this country it was just her and her daughter and they were so happy until her husband joined them, when he promptly began making her miserable. Now, decades later, all her children live far away, she spends all her time taking the husband to dialysis, her sciatic is bad and she may need heart surgery (who will take care of her, I find myself wondering), and she comes to see me once a month or so to talk about a new project and tells me it is the only thing she does for herself.
Today she came in with a smile on her face and delightedly introduced me to her son, who will soon move closer to home with his family. Then she says, as if commenting on the weather, that on Friday her husband died, and tomorrow they will hold the funeral. For a second I had tonal whiplash from the conversation and then I realized, oh, you're unburdened now. Like the relief in her face and her body were palpable. The son shows a picture of a cardigan to me and asks if it can be knitted, and we pick out yarn and a pattern. She's so excited to make it for him. She beams when she looks at him; he is tall and handsome and polite, and wants to wear something she made for him. She is proud of this man she raised.
It just made me think of the many, many women who come from cultures where leaving a crappy spouse isn't an option so they shuttle along doing their best and trying to find some beauty and joy in whatever way they can. Kids may not visit often because their spouse isn't welcoming or there is bad blood, so they are lonely. I remind her, we have our social group. She hasn't come to it much before because she is always taking him to dialysis, but now she says she will come often and meet the other women. Many of them are like her, but in the craft they find companionship that has been absent for so much of their lives. I hope there will be renewal for this dear lady and that she can learn more about herself and what brings her joy.
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i am having a genuine core memory type of bad day today like serious SERIOUS things are going down and i missed a flight because genuine life changing events are happening and got put on standby for another which got delayed multiple times til i would’ve missed my connecting flight home and anyways it was overbooked so i didn’t make it on, and then now five hours after they left me at the airport im finally heading home and i was like “well at least i can eat the fries i bought that i didn’t get to eat yesterday” but my useless cousin who has not only been completely useless through this weeks long ordeal but has also been making things worse stepped in and ate the whole giant box of fries cause he “thought we were leaving” even though my mom clearly left half her stuff behind at the house and told him we did not make our flight so she was going to stay in town and try and get me home and also this whole situation (except for the fries) is straight up my fault cause i didn’t wanna get out of bed for 20 minutes when we woke up and like normally this would be fine especially since i went to bed at 2 am packing suitcases and then had to wake up at 7 and also slept super poorly anyways but i still have no self discipline and everything has gone wrong because of that
#i should be freshly showered and in bed right now having a good cry#i’m genuinely seething at my cousin btw we keep asking him to do the most basic things and he makes some excuse#and then it turns out to be a lie#like my cousin is stronger/bigger than i am so my mom wanted his help w the suitcases#and we went out for one last dinner last night but he kept telling my mom he wanted to go home and sleep bc his job starts early#and getting irritated at her when she tried to take two minutes to finish eating#anyways we went home early and he did not go to bed. we could hear him gaming and yelling at the computer til we went to bed at 2 am#and his job starts at 3 am so he can’t have actually been worried about sleeping#oh he also just didn’t go to work and this is like a repeated occurrence#and he didn’t bother seeing us off to the airport or wake up til like 11#when i called him saying we needed him to bring my passport and it was an emergency#idk this all seems like super trivial but my mom is straight up handling a tragedy alone#i won’t deny that i haven’t really been useful but i’ve been coming along everywhere on top of remote working from here#meanwhile he’s kinda just been at home gaming and not leaving his room#i can kind of excuse his brother who’s also been at home but he’s also like super obviously been prepping for a super rough final and idk#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. can you at least have some decency and like#try not to pile more work on my mother who is dealing with one of the worst things that can happen to her#and try to use your parents not being around as an excuse to run around town with your friends#while lying to my mom and saying you need to sleep or work or yeah you’ll be straight home (you’re going for lunch with your buds)#i mentioned something about how i’ve spent time with him instead of my friends when he’s visiting us and he was like ‘you have friends?’#i don’t know man i can’t cry in bed i can’t sleep cause they keep the house cold#basic functioning is making me miserable with the brain issues i don’t know what to do#cause if i go home im going to be in the exact same situation just#with a better bathroom and a guitar and feeling useless and sad because i can’t help#anyways i need to text my boss to let her know no shot i can make it tomorrow#which feels awful cause i was supposed to get back A WEEK AGO i had to extend i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here
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