#we know that olivia was and likely still is very important to her

[arolesbianism]

they make a Jackie duplicant and her stress reaction is all of them at once and her overjoyed reaction is also every stress reaction at once because I think if this women felt an ounce of legitimate happiness again shed immediately self destruct herself into the ground

[imaginespazzi]

Part 5: The Answers We Wait For

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

I'd go back in time and change it (but I can't)

(In which a writer's busy schedule somehow still had time for her favorite obsession)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining

Words: 7.0K (it's very on-brand that my busiest week would produce the longest chapter)

TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)

A/N: Happy Monday lovelies :) How I managed to pull this off is between me and God at this point but here we are. I know it's been an interesting day to say the least, so I'm hoping me living up to my promises can be a silver lining. Quick note that I already fucked up the timeline at some point and Paige Olivia have actually been divorced for almost 3 years. I'll change that eventually. I actually didn't even try to really edit this chapter and in the choice between editing tomorrow and giving it to y'all today, I chose the latter. So please help a girl out and point out my typos/mistakes if you spot them and I will also eventually go back and edit. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forwards. Have a lovely week my loves <3

December 2027

Marriage and weddings had never been at the forefront of Paige’s mind. To be completely honest, for most of her life, there wasn’t much occupying her brain other than the court under her feet and the basketball in her hands. But the couple of times she had let herself picture it, she’d always thought that she’d have a Fall wedding, probably in Minnesota, maybe even on a basketball court. An indoor winter wedding in Texas had never once crossed her mind. She’d imagined vibrant fun bouquets made of pink lilies and purple hydrangeas, not the elegant red and white roses arrangements that were currently being placed along a far too heavily decorated aisle. Instead of vintage wines and carefully constructed fancy cocktails, she’d thought it would be nice to have spiked shirley temples and maybe even blue and white jello shots. She had expected to have a quiet ceremony followed by a vivacious gathering of everyone she loved. It had never even occurred to her that her wedding would become a public spectacle with People's magazine in attendance.  She’d pictured a party, not an event. 

Most of all she’d dreamt of getting married to a girl with dark eyes that could see all of Paige’s flaws and a soft smile that promised she’d love Paige despite them all. 

But the thing about dreams is that they’re fleeting trains that travel through the tracks of your mind when you’re asleep, and when you wake up, reality is nothing but a devastating train crash. 

Paige sighs, forcing herself out of her own head, as she stares at her reflection in the mirror. She looks pretty. Brittany had found her a nice white wedding suit -fitted to perfection- matching it with dainty silver jewelry. Paige normally liked her outfits a little looser but Olivia loved it and Paige likes that Olivia loves it. Her hair is styled in a bun, with two straightened strands to highlight her face. She thinks she might have preferred to have them curled in the front but Olivia had sweetly insisted on them being straight because hers would be curly and they had to complement, not match. Paige doesn’t really understand the difference or the importance but she thinks if Olivia wants it like that then she's fine with it. She thinks the bold red lipstick heavily coating her mouth makes her look a little bit like a vampire out of a badly directed 90’s horror movie but Olivia had said it was necessary so that the lights and cameras didn’t wash her face out. 

Paige looks pretty. She just doesn’t really look like Paige. 

“What do you think Drewski?” she asks, twirling to face her stone-faced brother who’s sitting on the couch, with a bout of enthusiasm that rings hollow to her own ears, “do I look gorgeous or what?”

“You look weird,” Drews says stiffly and Paige sighs. 

“Dr-” Paige is cut off by her younger brother sauntering over. A confused expression spreads over her features as Drew takes her hand and places it on his forehead, “uh- what are you doing?”

“Paigey, doesn't my forehead feel hot? I feel so sick,” the little boy whines, letting out a series of overzealous dramatized coughs. 

“Your forehead feels fine,” Paige says, slowly removing her hand.

“Well of course you’d think that. You’re not a doctor who knows how to feel foreheads correctly. I think we need to go to the hospital to see a real doctor. Like right now,” Drew pulls at Paige’s hand as she begins to catch onto what he’s trying to make happen. 

“You’re fine Drew.”

“I’m NOT. I’m very, very, very sick. So we have to leave right now. I could be contagious. I could be a danger to all these people,” Drew’s animated hands start to fly everywhere, “you can’t get married when your little brother’s sick. It’s- it’s just wrong. Bad juju or something like that. Everybody will understand that you just had to call off the wedding. For family reasons.”

“Drew-” Paige tries again, a hard pit settling in her stomach. 

“Are you worried cause you didn’t bring your car? That’s okay I’m sure Ice or KK will drive us but you can’t get married today Paigey. You just can’t,” his bottom lip trembles as the façade of illness slips and Paige feels her own eyes start to get glossy, “it’s not right Paigey. This is all wrong. She’s all wrong.”

“It’s not like that Drew. You just haven’t gotten to know-”

“I don’t want to know her,” Drew yells, “you don’t even know her. How can you get married to someone you’ve barely dated for a year. How can you do this to Az-”

“That’s enough,” Paige’s voice is eerily calm, as she digs her fingernails into her palm, “watch how you talk to me-”

“You’re being stup-”

“Drew Thomas I am not going to repeat myself again. Behave yourself. You’re not nearly old enough to be questioning what I do with my life,” it takes every inch of self-control Paige has to not let her voice shake. 

Her younger brother’s words feel like acid rain pelting against her already wounded skin. They slip into the gashes, mixing into her bloodstreams to create an army with the battalion of her own thoughts that have been hacking away at her heart for god knows how long. Paige wonders how long it’ll be before she finally bleeds out. 

“Please don’t get married Paigey,” Drew pleads, gripping his sister’s hand, “please.”

There’s nothing but silence as Paige opens and closes her mouth. And she doesn’t know if she’s trying to get words out or breathe air in; all she knows is that Drew might be squeezing her hands, but it feels like someone is strangling her lungs. 

She’s saved from having to say anything by a hesitant knock on the door. As Drew begrudgingly goes to open it, Paige scrambles to put herself back together. She closes her eyes, taking in three deep breaths before-

Drew gasps and Paige’s eyes fly open. With her back turned to the door, she can’t see who it is and something like hope starts to bloom in her chest, vines of maybe it’s her weaving through her ribcage. And as she turns around, they turn to dust; dust that floats up to her eyes and makes them tear up again as she stares dumbfoundedly at the two people standing somewhat awkwardly in her doorway. 

Paige had grown up an independent child. It wasn’t that her parents were neglectful or that they hadn’t loved her enough because they had. But at first it was the constant fighting and then it was the nurturing of a brand new family with new children and Paige had slipped through the cracks of oh she’s so mature we don’t need to worry about her. She had always had her parents as cheerleaders in the stands; no one was prouder of Paige than they were. But no one had bothered to force her to drink terrible tasting immunity boosters. No had patiently dyed her hair purple and pinky promised to like it even if it turned out terrible. No one had yelled at her for being in the gym till one a.m or woken her up at an ungodly hour to run drills. Not until she’d met a girl at 15 and that girl’s parents had decided that Paige was just as much theirs as their own daughter. 

And suddenly there were more people added to her cheering squad for her wins. But that’s not when Paige fell in love with Tim and Katie Fudd. It was when she lost and there was a nagging finger followed by a full breakdown of what she could do better next time and finally, a bear hug promising they’d help her do it. They’d been there every step and she’d sent the invitation, scared they wouldn’t show up, that they wouldn’t be there for this step, a step that inadvertently took her further away from them. But here they are anyway. 

“Hi sweetheart,” Katie says softly, her own eyes moist as she takes in the sight of the bride, “you look- you look absolutely stunning Paige.”

“You came,” Paige whispers, “I didn’t- I didn’t know if you would.”

“Of course we came,” Tim exclaims but his normal boisterous voice doesn’t feel nearly as enthusiastic, “always told you we’d be front and center at your wedding.”

Because I was supposed to marry your daughter; I was supposed to become your daughter, officially. 

“I’m really glad you guys came,” Paige says, letting Katie wrap her into a warm hug. She only gets a second to let herself enjoy it before Drew’s asking a question that makes her stiffen. 

“Where’s Azzi?” 

It’s like there’s lightning wrapped in that one syllable and it strikes right through Paige’s heart, setting every inch of it ablaze with the flames of a name that used to feel like cotton candy on her tongue; now it feels like lava. 

“She couldn’t make it,” Tim says slowly and Paige knows she shouldn’t be surprised, let along disappointed that her ex wasn’t coming but there’s a string that snaps anyways. 

“Why not?” Drew asks petulantly. 

“The baby’s due next month,” Tim tells him gently, “she can’t fly.”

The air feels suffocating at the mention of the baby. She’d been scrolling mindlessly through her tiktok feed when the announcement had popped up. She still has it memorized. 

Golden State Valkyries superstar shooting guard Azzi Fudd announces pregnancy on Instagram; she’ll miss the upcoming WNBA season. 

For a moment the world had stopped as Paige had hurriedly switched apps to instagram. And there it was. A smiling picture of Azzi holding a sonogram. Paige doesn’t know how long she’d stared at the picture but she remembers that it was set against a white background and she remembers that Azzi was wearing a green top. And as she’d typed out a congrats! that blended in seamlessly with all the other felicitating comments on the post, Paige had wondered if Azzi had felt it too. She’d wondered if, when Azzi had left a similar congratulations <3 post on Paige’s engagement announcement, she’d felt something unravel too. She’d wondered if Azzi had felt this hollowness of and i guess this is us signing off on never getting forever with each other. 

“So Azzi’s not going to stop this wedding?” Drew’s voice is dangerously even as he rounds on Paige, “and you’re really going through with this?”

“Drew please” Paige says tiredly as Katie runs a soothing hand down her back. 

“You’re stupid. And she’s stupid. You’re all so freaking stupid,” Drew bursts out, stomping past the adults in the doorway, his anger palpable in every single word. 

“I got it,” Tim says, wrapping a wrist around Paige’s hand as she moves to follow her younger brother. He squeezes gently, a half-hearted smile on his face, “it’s gonna be okay kid. It always is.”

Paige wishes she could just believe him, turn off the voices in her head and just be a kid who could take an adult’s word as gospel. But Paige is the adult now and believing no longer comes so naturally. 

“Hey,” Katie says after Tim runs after Drew, pulling Paige to sit with her on the couch, “I have a little wedding gift for you.

“Katie you don’t have-” Paige begins, watching as the older woman pulls out a velvet box from her bag, placing her phone on the table next to her. 

“Oh hush. I told you I’d give this to you,” Katie chides as she hands the velvet box. Paige’s eyes glisten as she opens it to find a familiar purple amethyst necklace. She’s flooded with the vivid image of her and Azzi on a random day in lockdown helping Katie organize her minimal jewelry. Paige had fallen in love with this necklace and Azzi had her eyes set on a pink topaz. It was fitting to say the least and Katie had promised them, with a glint in her eyes, that she’d give it to them as their something old on their wedding day. They’d been in between something and everything but Paige and Azzi had shared a shy smile over it anyways. 

“I can’t accept this,” Paige shakes her head trying to hand the box back but Katie dodges it expertly. 

“Yes you can. It’s basically a family heirloom and you, Paige Bueckers, are family,” Katie says firmly. 

“Katie-”

The older woman presses a kiss to Paige’s forehead as she starts to head out, “you’re always gonna be family Paige. Always.”

Katie’s words act like a band-aid but they’re not enough- maybe nothing will be enough- to fully heal the wound of today i was supposed to officially become a Fudd. 

A ringing noise interrupts Paige’s pity party and she starts half-heartedly digging around for her phone. She’s confused when she finds it because no one’s calling her and the room is still vibrating with noise. Crinkling her eyebrows, Paige’s eyes finally land on the couch side table, where Katie’s phone, clearly forgotten, is buzzing. 

Azzi’s CallerID flashes on the screen. 

Paige stares at the phone, rooted in place. She knows she shouldn’t pick it up, knows she should go return it. Still without a decision, Paige slowly starts to reach for it. And then it stops ringing and Paige goes still again, unsure if she’s relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she takes another step. The phone rings again. A myriad of thoughts dance through Paige’s mind, opposing thoughts clashing with each other and making her head hurt. She lies to herself that it’s out of concern; that Azzi’s pregnant and this could be important. She lies to herself as she hits the green answer button that it’s not because she’s desperate to hear Azzi’s voice. 

“Mom?” Azzi sounds distraught when she picks up but Paige thinks it’s still her favorite sound any way, “Mom? I think I did something wrong. I can’t do this Mom. You’ve been gone a day and I’ve already fucked up. I don’t know what and I don’t know when but I think I fucked up. Maybe I ate something I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe it’s because I lay on my back instead of my side but Mom she hasn’t kicked all day and I can’t get Dr. Myers on the phone and I-”

“It’s a girl?” Paige breathes out. And suddenly she’s 22, sitting in a UConn apartment living room, grinning foolishly as Jana points out an AI picture that looks like the perfect mixture of her and Azzi. Azzi, who’s having a daughter. 

The woman in question is quiet and for a second Paige thinks that Azzi might hang up. 

“It’s a girl Paige,” Azzi says finally. 

“Are you- are you okay?” Paige asks slowly, trying not to dwell on how much she’s missed the way Azzi says her name. It’s been Bueckers every time they’ve seen each other this year and she’s never hated the sound of her last name more. 

“Yeah, I just-” Azzi sighs, her voice still a little frazzled, “I’m just being paranoid cause my Mom’s not here and my doctor’s not answering and the stupid baby hasn’t kicked all day,” she pauses, “sorry. I-I don’t mean to dump on you. Not today at least.”

“Az-”

“Where’s my Mom?”

“She- she’s probably outside. Think she left her phone here by accident. I can go find her but can I-” Paige hesitates, chewing at her lips in a way she knows Olivia hates, “can I help?”

“I don’t think-”

Paige shocks herself with her next words, “put the phone to your stomach.”

“What? Paige, did you hit your head in the last two seconds or something?”

“Just- just trust me,” she’s not really sure what she’s saying but now that she’s said, might as well commit to the bit, “I’mma talk sense into her. I saw it in a movie.”

“You saw it in a-” Azzi sighs and Paige can practically picture her rolling her eyes.  “I don’t know who’s more insane. You for coming up with the idea or me because I’mma follow through it,” there’s a bunch of static noise on the other side as Azzi adjusts herself, putting the phone on speaker and pressing it to her belly, “alright Dr. Bueckers work your magic.”

Paige is nervous as she speaks, “hey there little bean. I’m your-” she stops because what is she, “I’m your Paige,” she decides softly, “and I think- I think you should stop stressing your Mama out. She’s a bit of an overthinker so if you could just help her out, I think she’d really appreciate it. Because if- if you don’t she isn’t gonna be able to sleep tonight and you don’t know this yet but when your Mama doesn’t get sleep, she’s kind of a bi-”

“Paige,” Azzi hisses.

“Big baby,” Paige corrects, “she’s a big baby. And then she cries and it’s not a pretty sight-”

“Hey!”

“Sshhh Azzi I’m working my magic,” Paige scolds, “where was I? Oh yeah. She cries and it’s not a pretty sight because,’ her voice softens, “seeing your Mama cry is the worst thing in the world. I hate it and I know- I know you’re gonna hate it too because when you finally come out little bean, the first thing you’re gonna see is your Mama’s smile. And you’re gonna think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like I do,” a sob escapes on the other end of the line and Paige feels tears start to cascade down her own cheeks, “come on little bean, give us a little kick. Make your Mama smile.”

Time ticks by slowly and Paige closes her eyes, thinking maybe her desperate attempt to keep Azzi on the line had failed miserably. And then Azzi gasps, “she kicked. Oh my god Paige she kicked.”

Paige’s grin stretches her whole face and for a second it almost feels like she’s right there with Azzi, that instead of her ear being pressed to a phone, it’s pressed to Azzi’s belly. For a second she almost feels like she can feel the baby kicking. And then she opens her eyes. 

“Did it make you smile?” 

“Yeah, yeah it did,” Azzi admits and Paige can hear the relief in her voice. 

“I’m glad- I’m glad you have something that makes you smile.”

“Do you?” Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, “do you have someone that makes you smile?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” and it’s not a complete lie. Olivia does make Paige smile. And maybe it’s not quite as big or bright or real but at least Olivia’s here to try. 

“Good. I-I’m also really glad you have that.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am Paige,” Azzi says quietly, “I want you to smile. I just- I just want you to be happy. Are you happy Paige?”

“I’m getting married today,” Paige says in lieu of an answer and she can hear Azzi’s breath hitch. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is. It’s a yes or no question,” Azzi presses.

“Then you answer it Azzi,” Paige bites out, “are you happy?”

“I”m-,” the younger girl lets out a sigh, “I’m content.”

Her answer makes Paige’s skin itch with irritation and she can’t stop it from seeping into her next question, “so you have no regrets then?”

“I didn’t say that,” there’s a warning edge to Azzi’s voice. 

“Do you or do you not regret saying no to marrying me Azzi?” Paige asks, unable to hold it in any longer. 

“Paige-”

“What? You gonna say it’s not that simple? It’s a yes or no question Azzi,” Paige mocks. 

“That’s not it-”

“Then what is?”

“You’re getting married Paige,” Azzi yells, “you’re getting married,” she repeats again, softer this time, “to someone else. And so it doesn’t matter how I feel. It isn’t fair of you to ask and it wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be fair of me to answer. Not today. Maybe one day- one day it'll be the right time but not today.”

“And what if it’s never the right time?” 

“Then maybe it’s a question you were never meant to know the answer to.”

There’s something final in the quietness that follows, like they’re having a moment of silence at a funeral for what never even got to be. 

It’s Azzi who speaks first. 

“You’re gonna be a wonderful wife P.”

“You’re gonna be an amazing mom Az.”

They let it left unsaid that they were supposed to be wives to each other, that they were supposed to be moms together. 

***

March 2033 

Paige doesn’t know how long she stands outside, staring down the winding road that had taken Stephie and Azzi away from her. The neighborhood is slowly waking up and if the woman across the street opens her curtains and thinks it’s a little strange that her new neighbor is standing like a statue on her front porch, she only raises a slight eyebrow before going back to her day. It takes almost twenty minutes before her head finally convinces her heart that no matter how much she stands outside, they’re not coming back. 

There’s a part of her that can admit that maybe Azzi had a point and maybe she shouldn’t have asked her to stay over last night. But Paige has never been known for her common sense, especially not when it comes to Azzi. Because truth be told, asking Azzi to stay the night was perhaps the least ridiculous of the thoughts that had invaded her mind last night. It was easy- too easy- to fall right back into whatever with Azzi. She’d done a good job pretending that the nightly facetime calls had been for Stephie’s benefit but the truth is that they had become just as much a necessity for Paige. She’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face every night and the temptation to have that in person last night had been too hard to resist. And so she hadn’t. 

She makes it about three steps up the stairs, when the fort still set up in the living room catches her eye. And that’s when the first tear falls, and then the second and then the third until she thinks if she tried to swim in them, she’d probably drown. Paige abandons the idea of going up to her room and crawls back into the tent made of blankets. And she must be going insane because she swears she can still smell the faint scent of a toddler and Azzi’s lavender perfume on the pillow she cradles to her chest. It’s ridiculous to be so attached already. She knows that. Stephie isn’t hers but it feels like the little girl has crept underneath her skin, burrowing herself in a part of Paige’s heart that the blond didn’t even know was there. And Azzi- well no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much resentment Paige has held, the truth is that there’s a little patch of Paige’s soul  that will always belong to the younger woman. 

Paige barely registers herself falling asleep until there’s abrupt knocking on her door and she realizes she’s been cocooned in the fort for almost three hours. She hesitantly lets go of the pillow, groggily walking towards the door. It’s useless to pretend that she isn’t hoping it’s Azzi and Stephie on the other side, isn’t hoping that Azzi had realized her mistake, isn’t hoping to scoop both of them into her arms and fill the hollowness that’s been thrumming against her ribcage. God Paige has barely survived a month -a day if she’s completely honest- she doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this whole season. 

She crosses her fingers behind her back as she opens the door. 

“Hey,” Katie’s smiling face looks back at her, holding up a tray of coffee and a bag of something, “figured you haven’t eaten breakfast yet?”

Paige blinks stupidly as Katie lets herself in, moving through Paige’s house with ease and immediately locating the kitchen. She hands Paige a cup of coffee before ransacking through the bag and pulling out a glazed donut, “eat. I know you haven’t.”

“Does Azzi know you’re here?” Paige asks slowly before taking a bite out of her donut. 

Katie gives her pointed look, “who do you think gave me your address?”

“Is she- is she okay?” 

“You two are something you know,” Katie shakes her head, “you’re asking me if she’s okay and she sent me over here to make sure that you were okay.”

Paige feels her heart swell with after all this time, “she sent you?”

“I have breakfast with Azzi and Stephie every Sunday morning. Now imagine my surprise when I get there today and my oh so sweet and wonderful granddaughter isn’t talking to her mother. And so I forced the story out of Azzi and I barely understood a word she was saying through her tears-”

“She was crying?” Paige feels her lungs constrict. 

Katie shoots her an unimpressed look, “can I finish the story?”

“I don’t like this story. It has Azzi crying.”

“Yeah well the two of you seem to enjoy doing that to each other,” Katie cocks an unamused eyebrow and Paige flinches at the truth of it, “anyways I didn’t understand much of it but she was clear by the end. Seemed to think you needed someone, needed me and so here I am Paige.”

“Why is your daughter like this?” Paige demands, “how is she gonna make me cry and then send somebody else to wipe my tears.”

“Well I can leave-”

“Why couldn’t she just have stayed?” the blonde questions, “why does she always have to overthink things and make it more complicated? Why can’t she just listen to her heart once in her fucking life? Why can’t she just let herself live? Why is it always no with her and never just yes?”

Katie gives Paige a sad smile, reaching for her hand, “that’s why.”

“Please don’t speak in riddles. It’s 10 a.m and I’m sad,” Paige whines. She might be in her early thirties but there’s something about Katie Fudd that makes Paige feel like it’s okay to be a bit of a child.

“Why is it always no with her and never yes?” Katie repeats, “c’mon Paige you know that’s not about last night.”

“It is,” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“It’s not,” Katie says, gently squeezing Paige’s hand, “it’s about her saying no 8 years ago.”

“I’m ov-” Paige stops, withering under Katie’s glare, “okay maybe it’s a little bit about her saying no 8 years ago. But I’m allowed to still be upset about it. She broke my heart. I wanted forever and she walked away. I’m allowed to be mad about that.”

“Of course you’re allowed to be mad Paige but that’s exactly why Azzi had to go this morning. And it’s exactly why you shouldn’t have asked her to stay last night. You guys can’t just pretend none of it happened because it did. You’re still hurt Paige and ignoring that is gonna get you guys nowhere. Especially with Stephie involved.”

“So what are you saying? You’re saying me and Azzi should just be teammates? You’re saying I should just never see Stephie again,” even the thought of it makes Paige feel like she is laying down on a bed of thorns. 

“You’re so goddamn dramatic Bueckers,” Katie rolls her eyes, “I’m not saying any of that. I’m saying maybe you just need to take it slower, with both of them, instead of having a goddamn sleepover the literal first night you’re in the same city. Besides,” Katie gives her a knowing smirk, “my granddaughter is obsessed with her Miss Buecks. Pretty sure she’d find a way to see you again no matter what.”

“Good,” Paige lets out her first smile of the day, “because I’d find a way to see her again too. She just- she’s kinda great isn’t she? Azzi did a good job with that one. She’s- she’s perfect,” she looks at Katie who’s regarding Paige with a thoughtful expression, “what? Do I have donut glaze on my face?”

“No, no it just- I’ve seen that expression before.”

“What expression?”

“The one you just had on your face while talking about Stephie,” Katie laughs to herself, “it’s the same one Tim had when he first met Azzi.”

***

“Oh my god. It’s Paige Bueckers. Can I have your autograph?” Steph Curry winks at Paige as she walks into his office. The Golden State legend had started an after-school basketball camp for kids in the Bay Area and as soon as he’d heard the news of Paige coming over to the Valkyries, he’d messaged her if she’d be interested in helping him out in the off-season. Paige had been more than willing to be a part of it, always invested in giving back to her community. If she’d been excited by the idea before though, today, after the worst sleep of her night as she tossed and turned to the hopeless depression of not having spoken to Stephie and Azzi for far too long, Paige really needed this distraction. 

“Don’t think you can afford my autograph,” Paige smirks lazily as she basically droops into the seat opposite him. 

Steph laughs goodnaturedly, “welcome to the Bay Area kid.”

“I’m a little old to be called a kid don’t you think? I’m nearly 25,” Paige grins, wiggling her eyebrows.. 

Steph shakes his head, “nah you’re always gonna be a kid to me. You and Azzi both,” he chuckles to himself, “even though Azzi’s got her own kid now. Have you met her?”

Well that distraction lasted 30 seconds, Paige thinks to herself as she forces a smile onto her face, “yeah. I’ve seen her around.”

“She’s cute as hell right? And she knows it. Little miss bossy pants has everyone wrapped around her fingers. Kinda reminds me of Riley,” there’s a goofy expression as Steph thinks of his daughter and Paige wonders if the same one is reflected on her face as she thinks about Stephie, “and she’s a natural at basketball. Only five and her shot’s already pretty good. You’ll see it today when she comes to camp. And she’s pretty good at defense-”

“I’m sorry what?” Paige blinks rapidly. 

“I know. What defense can a 5 year old play but it’s just the way she moves you know?” Steph tries to explain and Paige shakes her head. 

“Not that. Stephie- Stephie’s coming to camp?”

Steph grins large and proud, “of course she is. She was the first camper I signed.”

“Right,” Paige nods, giving the man in front of her a tight smile, “can you- can you excuse me for one second.”

As soon as Paige is outside of Steph’s earshot, she’s calling Katie; Katie who had sat at her kitchen counter yesterday and listened with a smile as Paige told her all about Steph’s camp. Katie who hadn’t said one word about Stephie being a part of said camp. Katie who was maybe grinning just a little too hard at the idea. 

“Did you know Stephie goes to Curry Camp?” Paige asks as soon as the line connects. 

“Hi Katie. Hi Paige. How was your day? Oh mine was good Paige, thanks for asking, how was yours?” Katie replies sarcastically. 

“Katie,” Paige groans. 

“Did I know that my granddaughter goes to her godfather’s special camp for the sport that her mother plays and she’s obsessed with?” Katie says slowly and Paige can tell she’s holding back a laugh, “nope, didn’t have a clue. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And ruin the surprise?”

“What happened to telling me to take things slow?” Paige hisses. 

“Well if I left the two of you two to your own devices y’all wouldn’t go slow, you wouldn’t even move at all,” Katie defends. 

“So you’re meddling?”

“I am not,” Katie protests, “you were always gonna help with the camp and Stephie’s already been going to the camp. I just didn’t let you stress out about it. Really you should be thanking me.”

“Thank you Katie,” Paige bites out mockingly. 

“You’re so very welcome Paige,” Katie sing-songs, “by the way, come over for dinner soon okay sweetheart. Love you honey. See you later darling.”

She hangs up before Paige can say anything and the blonde saunters back into Steph’s office, trying to corral her facial expression into something more neutral. 

“All good?” Steph asks. 

“Just peachy,” Paige hums in response, “we gonna head over to the court soon? It’s almost 4.”

Steph nods, “yeah they’ll be done setting up for us. Azzi usually brings Stephie to say hi to me right before cause no favoritism in front of the other kids you know? But maybe she’s running la- oh no wait there they are!”

Paige freezes, heartbeat erratic, as Steph walks to the door in anticipation. 

“UNCLE TWIN,” Stephie screams and something in Paige’s heart starts to fix itself at the sound of the younger girl’s voice. She’s scared to turn around, unsure if she’s more scared to realize it’s a dream or find out that it’s reality. 

“TWIN NIECE,” Steph yells back with equal vigor and Paige can hear Azzi’s laugh now too, each giggle acting like a needle, stitching up the parts of Paige that had felt broken since yesterday morning. She turns around deliberately slowly. Stephie is cradled in Steph’s arms and Azzi’s watching them with a fond smile. And it’s ridiculous to be jealous of a happily married man who’s practically Azzi’s brother if not her uncle, but the sense of that should be me, weighs heavily on Paige’s lungs anyways. 

It’s Azzi who sees her first, smile slowly fading as dark brown eyes clash with light blue ones. 

“Paige,” she whispers softly and there’s a multitude of undecipherable emotions wrapped in that one syllable and Paige thinks she could spend forever just trying to uncover them. 

Stephie’s ear perks up at the mention of Paige’s name as her own little eyes finally land on the blonde, shuffling her feet nervously in the corner. Her bottom lip trembles, eyes watering as she forces herself down from Steph’s lap, racing to Paige. It’s instinct the way Paige falls to her knees, ready to catch the bundle of limps that practically falls into her waiting arms. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers, “I missed you so much.”

Paige’s own eyes water as she buries her face in Stephie’s hair, “me too sweetheart. I missed you so, so, so much.”

In front of them, Steph looks beyond confused as to what's happening and Azzi’s determinedly looking away, even if there’s a lone tear waterfalling down her left cheek. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Stephie confesses, voice choked up as she tightens her grip on Paige’s neck, “and I begged and I begged Mama to let me call you but she said you were busy. And then I yelled at Mama and it made Mama cry too and I hate making Mama cry.”

“I know. I know sweetheart,” Paige soothes softly, running her hands down Stephie’s back as the little girl continues to babble. They stay like that for a long time and Paige thinks if she could ask the world for one thing that doesn’t belong to her, she’d ask for Stephie. 

Finally Steph coughs, looking apprehensively between the three girls in the room, “so um- I take it you’ve more than just seen Stephie around then Paige?”

Paige lets out a watery laugh, finally letting Stephie go and turning around but still keeping a hand on Stephie’s shoulder, “yeah I guess that’s true.”

“What are you doing here Miss Buecks,” Stephie asks, looking up at Paige. 

“I’m uh- well Mr. Steph-”

“Uncle Twin,” Stephie corrects immediately and Paige can’t help but grin at the nickname. 

“Right. Uncle Twin asked me to be a coach at his camp and I agreed,” Paige explains, trying to catch Azzi’s eyes but the shooting guard seems determined to focus on a picture of Steph and Ayesha on the wall instead. 

“You’re gonna be my coach,” Stephie squeals, turning around to hug Paige’s knees, “this is the best news of my life.”

Paige feels her heart soar into a sky of you’re the best new of my life Stephie as she bends down to kiss Stephie forehead, “let’s see if you say that when I make you run laps after you miss a shot.”

“You wouldn’t?” Stephie says, looking horrified at the idea. 

“I totally would,” Paige teases. 

Stephie is quiet for a second before a proud smirk blooms on her lips, “that’s okay ‘cause I don’t miss. I’m Azzi Fudd’s daughter. Right Mama?”

“Right baby,” Azzi says, finally letting herself meet Paige’s gaze. 

“Well Miss-I-Don’t-Miss, how about you walk over to the court and show us how you don’t miss,” Steph teases. 

Stephie waddles out of Paige’s grip and holds her arms up at Steph, a saccharine smile on her face,“I can’t be tired if I don’t wanna miss Uncle Twin, so can you please carry me over there?”

Steph rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop him from hoisting Stephie onto his shoulders, “alright your highness, let’s go.”

Stephie’s giggles echoe down the hall as Steph runs towards the courts and Paige can’t help the fond laugh that escapes her. 

“She gets that from you, you know,” Paige says softly to Azzi. 

“Gets what?”

“Being a princess who gets everything she wants.”

“Not everything,” Azzi says wistfully, “not everything I want.”

She moves to start following but Paige wraps a hand around her wrist, “I didn’t know Stephie was a part of Curry Camp. I swear I- I didn’t do this on purpose.”

Azzi sighs, “I know. I know you wouldn’t Paige.”

“And I- I wanted to thank you for sending your Mom yesterday. I really- I really did need it even if I didn’t know it,” Paige’s thumb subconsciously rubs against Azzi’s skin, “but you- you always seem to know what I need.”

Azzi rips her hand out from Paige's grip, “you’re doing it again.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are. You keep saying things like that- things you shouldn’t say- things I can’t just listen to and be okay,” Azzi brushes her hand against her face, “I know the way I left yesterday was wrong and maybe I was projecting,” she admits in a whisper, “but you just- you make me feel too fucking much. And it's too quick and it’s scares me.”

“Scares you?” Paige scoffs, “I’m not the one who broke your heart Azzi.”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I’ve lived with that guilt for the last 8 years? Jesus fucking christ Paige. I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me,” tears stream down Azzi’s face as she paces the room, “I have never heard Stephie cry so fucking much in my life Paige. And you know who did that to her? Me, I did that. Apparently I’m really fucking good at making people cry but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break her heart, I don’t want to break your heart and I don’t want to break my own heart. Not again.”

“Azzi-”

“And so I’m stopping it before it happens. Before I ruin it again.”

Azzi tries to leave again but Paige is faster, wrapping her arms around the younger woman’s waist and pulling her flush against her chest so she can’t escape. It’s a terrible idea because now all of her senses are consumed by Azzi as they both become acutely aware of how close they are now. 

“Paige,” Azzi whispers weakly, one hand pressed right against Paige’s heart, “let me go.”

“I think today’s the right time,” Paige says softly, hands grazing Azzi’s waist, “I asked you a question once and you said one day, when the time was right, you’d give me an answer. It’s the right time.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Azzi please,” Paige begs, “do you regret saying no?”

“Paige let me go,” Azzi wriggles against her grip but it only makes Paige tighten her hold. 

“It’s a simple yes or no question.’

“Stephie’s probably wondering where we are-”

“Then answer the damn question and we can go to her-”

“Paige please.”

“Answer the fucking question Azzi.”

“What do you want me to say?” Azzi bursts out finally, “you want me to say that I’ve never regretted anything more in my life? You want me to say the minute I said no, I wanted to rip out my tongue? You want me to say that I almost called you several times in the last decade to tell you how stupid I was? You want me to say that I flew to Dallas once to tell you that I fucked up but then I saw you with Olivia and decided you deserved better than me-”

“What?”  Paige feels the air being snatched from her lungs. 

“The answer to your stupid fucking question,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “is yes. Yes I regret saying no to you Paige. But it doesn’t matter. Because I said no and you found someone else who’d say yes and now it’s too late.”

And Paige thinks that Katie was probably right, that she should probably take things slow. But when it comes to Azzi Fudd, Paige Bueckers has never been one to do what she should. 

“It’s never too late for us,” Paige whispers before crashing her lips against the woman, who’s always been the reason for her biggest, brightest, most real smile.

[lewisvinga]

the it couple | jude bellingham x fem! reader

summary; just jude and y/n being supportive w each other

fc; olivia rodrigo

warnings; ?

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1

note; requested ! pretend that valencia game was actually fair bc it’s still pissing me off and that should’ve been a bellingol. pero vamos a los cuartos de finalllll! ( what a horrid game tho i am terrified for the qfs, we used all our juice on girona 🕊️🕊️)

masterlist !

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yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; came to madrid a few days early before the show, guess what i found!] [caption 2; date night w pookie 🤗🤍]

camavinga replied to your story!

camavinga bring me leftovers n i want tickets to ur show.

yourusername ur a demanding man

yourusername i got y’all tickets anyways🙄 just make sure jude scores in tmrws match😒

camavinga got it 🫡

judebellingham replied to your story !

judebellingham ignore edu

yourusername how’d u know…..

judebellingham i know how that guy is😒

judebellingham u coming to tmrw match???

yourusername duh why’d you think i came 2 days early

yourusername i’ll be cheering for u w mina and fede jr & fede jr 2x😝😝

yourusername you better score 😒

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yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; hala madrid 🤍] [caption 2; BELLINGOOOOOL]

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liked by yourusername, camavinga, and others !

judebellingham: +3 very important points ! #HalaMadrid🤍

yourusername: AMAZING AS ALWAYS MY LOVE🥹🥹🤍🤍

judebellingham: had my lucky charm in the stands that’s why😫

camavinga: you’re welcome , y/n. where are my concert tickets.

yourusername: i got u🤝🤝

username: bellingol

username: na na na ma heyyyy judeeee

vinijr: crack 🤩🤩

camavinga: o iluminado ⭐️

username: jude’s on fireeee

username: WE’RE WINNINF YHE LEAGUE

username: scoring despite that horrid lineup , i love u bellingol

username: jude pointing to y/n🥹they’re rlly the it couple of this generation 😫 liked by judebellingham and yourusername !

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judebellingham uploaded to his story !

[caption 1; whatta pretty lady] [caption 2; post concert s’mores & drinks 🥸]

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liked by judebellingham, vinijr, and others !

yourusername: MADRIDDD🤍 you’re amazing as always, i love youuu🫶

judebellingham: my girlfriend is the coolest woahhh😍😍😍

yourusername: says mr. bellingol😫

username: i was there!! i loved it!

username: madrid loved you too!!

username: i was at the madrid show and they showed jude on the screen, swear he was like 😍 the whole time ☹️

username: stop I ADORE THEM😫

username: omg i rmbr and the squad was w him🥹

vinijr: loved it! liked by yourusername !

camavinga: cool.

aurelientchm: stop acting so nonchalant you lost your voice from singing every song

judebellingham: singing? more like screeching 🙄🙄

camavinga: 😒😒😒😒

yourusername: LMFAOO

username: y/n supporting jude at his match n jude supporting her at her show, they rlly are the it couple liked by yourusername and judebellingham !

[russellsppttemplates]

Sharing is caring (George Russell)

A long weekend with the Russells

Note: english is not my first language. I know this is very very very overdue, but hopefully it's still enjoyable!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: pregnancy

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Are you guys doing well back there?", you asked the kids as George drove the four of you up to his parents' house. According to the screen display, you still had a little over an hour until you arrived at George's parents house where you would be staying for the long weekend to enjoy some family time before the season picked up again.

"Does anyone need a bathroom break?", George asked, looking at Olivia and Arthur through the rear view mirror, "I'm fine", Olivia chirped in, "me too, I'm okay", Arthur added.

"You're doing okay, too?", George asked you, hand on your thigh as he drove, "I'm fine. I never want to say it too loud, but I think morning sickness stopped two weeks ago", you added.

"Little one has had enough causing raucous", George whispered, turning his attention back to the road ahead.

"We're nearly there, right, daddy?", Arthur asked as he recognised the streets as the car approached his grandparents' house, "yes, we just turn here and at the end there", George replied as you texted your mother in-law, letting her know to open the big gate so no one had to get out of the car.

"Guys, you're here! Did you have a good trip?", Allison welcomed you into the house, hugging the kids who immediately ran and hugged her legs, "grandma!!", they excitedly said.

"We did, it was fine. There was a little traffic at the end, but we were so close I think it barely bothered us", you said as you greeted Steve, walking inside the house and making sure the kids left their shoes by the door.

"I'm going to take the bags upstairs", George said, kissing your forehead, "I'll be right back", he smiled as you ushered Olivia and Arthur to the bathroom, "Y/N, here, darling, our some slippers on!", Allison offered.

Since Allison and Steve lived on their own again, as every child had now fled the nest, they updated the bedrooms, you and George staying in the guest bedroom with a double bed and the kids occupying the room they had for whenever the grandchildren stayed over.

"Lunch is ready, so when you can come down, we're waiting for you", George's mother called him as he helped you sort out the room for your children, "we'll be down in a little, thanks!".

After eating and helping tidying the kitchen, George took the kids out to the garden, hoping to use up their energy since they spent the whole morning inside a car.

"Is the swing alright, dad?", George questioned, "yes, me and Benjy sorted it out a few weeks ago. It's good as new", he answered, prompting George to take the kids to the renovated swing set.

When he was younger, he didn't spend too much time at home since racing required him to spend a lot of time away, but the times he did spend back home were filled with memories os this swing.

"Is this the old swing you told us about?", Arthur said, unsure of the whole apparatus since he heard stories from when his father and his uncle and aunt were much younger.

"Yes, me and uncle Benjy used to spend a lot of time here with auntie Cara, too! Who wants to go first?", he said as Olivia volunteered.

"It's safe, Arthur, see?", she said as she balanced her body back and forth, making her brother feel a little more comfortable with the whole thing, "I'll share it with you later, okay?".

"Sharing is important", George began, "and the fact that you guys always share is very nice, me and mummy are very proud of you", he said as Arthur picked some flowers from the grass and gave some to Olivia.

"We're siblings, of course we share everything", Arthur said naturally. It was true. For him, even if Olivia picked on his buttons a few times, he wouldn't ever not want to share something with her.

"Would you want to share your things with somebody else?", George tried as the kiss both looked at him like they didn't know what he was on about, "what I means is, would you mind having to share your things with someone else?", he clarified.

The pregnancy news were still between you and George, excluding your doctor. Because the kids could easily spill the news to somebody else and you had been specially careful so the news would stay between the people you wanted to until the doctor considered it was okay.

"I always share with my friends, too. But yesterday I had all the grapes mummy cut up for me because they were really good and I really wanted them", Arthur admitted as Olivia quirked a brow, "I think we could, yes. Even our toys, we share them too", Olivia added.

George seemed satisfied enough with the answers, hoping that when you broke the news they wouldn't have a complete meltdown.

"C'mon, Liv, it's Arthur's turn", George requested gently, the girl hopping off so her brother could have a go.

"What is mummy doing?", your son asked, "she was helping grandma with tonight's dinner when I asked if she wanted to come with us", George offered.

When they arrived back in time to have a quick shower and get ready for family dinner, you and George dressed them in comfortable clothes since it was just close family. Once they started arriving, the kids found their spot on the floor of the living room, playing with toys and colouring books while the adults caught up with eachother.

"Y/N! I haven't seen you in so long!", Cara said as she came up to you for a hug, "we've been busy, but we managed to sort some time out to come up here", you smiled, offering her the little pastries you had been working on with your mother in-law, "these are delicious!".

Excusing yourself from the group, you went to check on the kids, sitting on the sofa and getting a few cuddles from your nieces and nephews, "auntie Y/N!", one of them gasped, "you almost fell asleep while I was showing you my drawing", he said as Arthur snickered, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, you can show me again, please", you offered, rubbing the sleep away from your eyes.

"Darling, do you want some wine? We found your favourite in the shops the other day, Steve bought a couple of bottles", your mother in-law smiled as she stretched her arm to receive your glass when you were all in the dining room, "I don't, thank you for thinking of me, though", you smiled, exchanging a look with George that wasn't missed by his sister.

"I saw that!", Cara pointed out, "what was that?!", she questioned her brother, knowing he would break under her stare.

"Y/N has something to tell you", he quickly offered, passing the ball to your court as you felt everyone's eyes on you.

"This is not how it was supposed to go, but there wasn't a proper plan either, so... we are having a baby!", you announced, unfolding your leggings and letting your small baby bump show.

"Oh my goodness, another baby!", Allison cooed as your children looked at George for confirmation, "you're going to have a little brother, guys!", he said as they ran to hug you baby bump.

"I noticed your tummy was bigger, but I just thought you had a big lunch!", Arthur said, delighting everyone as they laughed, George watching everyone congratulate you before also congratulating him, "congratulations, darling", his mother kissed his cheek.

"We've been a little more careful this time around, did all the tests and in the blood test, the doctor told us were having a little boy", you smiled, kissing the top of your kids' heads as they latched onto your sides.

"Well, we can celebrate with the wine still! Some juice for you, Y/N", Steve poured in your cup.

When it came to bedtime, the kids didn't want to sleep in a separate room from you, and since the bed was big enough, you allowed them to sleep with you and George.

"That's what I'm saying, guys. It doesn't mean mummy is sick, but it means she needs our help more, she won't be able to do all things at once and it's our job to make sure she rests, as well", you heard your husband tell the kids while you brushed your teeth in the en suite bathroom.

"Time for sleep, kids", you said, lying down on the mattress, you and George brushing each of their hairs as they switched off, almost like a button, "they used up all their energy today", George began, "Did you know these two were wondering how they could help you, because they were worried that you are tired. You even fell asleep on the sofa..!", George tried his best to mimick his nephew shocked expression, earning one of your beautiful laughs.

"I love them so much", you sighed, "and I love you", you kissed his lips.

Kissing your forehead, George's hand managed to reach your bump despite the little boy latching on you like a koala and your daughter lying on top of him, drawing random shapes on it, "not as much as I love all of you".

[local-hyena]

Allright allright, I think I'm ready now...

TF2 COMIC 7

Saying "I loved it" would be an understatement. It was PERFECT, the perfect ending we deserved. It's been seven goddamn years, I honestly didn't think this issue would ever be released. I started getting into tf2 only recently, about a year ago I think. I hope everyone who've been there from the beginning are happy.

This last issue gave us SO MANY THINGS ! A TIME SKIP WITH THE MERC'S FUTURE ! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ALL GOT THE "THEY GOT HOME AND BUILT FAMILIES AND REUNITE FOR CHRISTMAS" TYPE OF FUTURE THAT LITERALLY ALL FANFICS ARE ABOUT. SINGLE DAD SCOUT IS THE GREATEST CHARACTER DEVELOPPEMENT POSSIBLE.

WE ALSO GOT LITERALLY EVERYTHING WE WERE HOPING FOR. WE GOT UNMASKED SPY, WE GOT PAULING'S FIRST NAME, WE GOT SCOUT'S LAST NAME, SCOUT WITH AN UGLY HAIRCUT, WE EVEN GOT PYRO'S DOG AND MEDIC'S BABOON, TOM JONES IS BACK. ALSO HEAVY HAS A BEARD NOW, AND SOLDIER AND ZHANNA HAVE CHILDREN !!

there are of course still unanswered things. However, the fact that the Administrator forgot why she wanted revenge on Mann really adds to her character and the overall story. Also, it seems that Scout still odesn't know that Spy is his father, since he introduces himelf to Scout's children as Scout's coworker... Scout's ma is also noticably absent, I do not want to think about it too much, since Demo's mother is still alive, there is no reason she wouldn't be as well. We're gonna say that she's spending Christmas with another son, since she doesn't really take an important rôle in the comic... Also, as a Medic main, THERE WAS NO MEDIC CONTENT. LIKE, I KNOW THAT THE LAST COMIC WAS VERY MEDIC AND HEAVY FOCUSED, BUT STILL. I always need more Medic content 😭😭 glad to see that Archimedes is here also !

Also, Merasmus why are you so ripped 😂😂 he looks ugly as ever.

I am so very happy that Hale and Olivia both got fired from MannCo. They are finally happy now, with Hale going back with Mags fighting animals and going on other dangerous adventures.

There is ONE lats thing I need to point out. No, two things. First, I wonder what Valve will do now. Now that Team Fortress 2's story has come to an end. What will happen ? Is the game going to stop updating ? Or on the contrary will they go back to working on it ? Is there going to be a Team Fortress 3 ? Or is Team Fortress simply going to end on this perfect note ?

Finally, the ending. It took me a while to understand that the last dinner scene was adressing directly to us, the reader, the player. When I understood that, it hit le right in the heart. I cannot say that tf2 has been à huge part of my life. Like I said, I only got interested last year or so. I don't even oike the game itself that much, online multiplayer competitive FPSs are not my preferred genre. But the story, the characters and what the community makes (yes, the funny GMod machinimas and SFM movies. The memes and the serious stuff, both of them) made me learn to enjoy this universe. I must confess something. For some time, I played Fortnight with my brother. He made me try because I kept saying that I didn't like it, but I hadnd't poayed the game. After my first game, I said that I had some fun, in the end. So, he kinda forced le to play. For... idk, a few years. I do nlt remember the dates but I started the season with the Nomad skin as the ultimate reward, and stopped when there were hoverboards, or whatever they were. I didn't enjoy it because he insisted on being super competitive and was raging 90% of the time. So yeah, I hated every second of it and I vowed to not play competitive online multiplier games anymore. Which is why I absolutly refuse to play Overwatch and League of Legends. I wouldn't say that Team Fortress 2 reconciled me woth these type of games, but after watching all the Meet the Mercs and learning more about the story, I tried playing. I was a bit intimidated as to which class to choose, but after trying out several (and being very influenced by Meet the Medic), I found out that I had the most fun while playing Medic. I do nlt have a very good aim and I tend to die immediatly when I try to shoot at people. I also discovered that, playing an online multiplayer game doesn't have to be competitive. I have 9h30 in tf2, I play very casually. I do not get mad when I die or my team loses, because in the end, I just want to have fun in my own way. So, this ending hit me right in the heart

I... I almost want to print that last panel and hang it on my wall... I know, there's nothing stopping me, but I don't want my family to question it.

Anyways. That was tf2 comic issue 7. I cannot wait to see what the future will bring for our mercs !

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

I don't like complaining about S3 too much, it's kind of a bummer to focus on what I don't like when there's so much I love, but one thing that I can't help but feel disappointed by is how we never got to see the new Marcy.

We got to see the new Sasha all through S3, who is completely different from S1 and S2 Sasha, and she's such a wonderful and loveable person, you can't help but adore her. Peak girlfriend material. It makes her oddly homoerotic friendship with Anne so sweet! And Anne herself, as the literal star of the show, had her development front and center from day 1. All of S1 was about her growth, and while she still had some work to do in S2, by then she had already changed a lot. Much like Sasha, she goes from being a selfish little shit to becoming a noble, honorable young woman, driven by love and responsability, with the emotional intelligence necessary to face any challenges coming her way.

Marcy... doesn't get that chance. The content of her arc is fine - she realizes she was selfish and self-centered, she understands how that's wrong and she decides to be a better person. But when Sasha (and I'm comparing her to Sasha because Anne, as THE protagonist, is not a fair comparison) had like... all of season 2 to change and develop, and half of S3 to truly shine as her new, improved self, Marcy... well, she did get some development in S2, true - the First Temple and New Wartwood are important moments that come to mind, but...

Okay, so, we knew everything about Sasha's situation from the start. She's lying to the other characters but not to the audience, so everything she goes through in Toadcatches, Barrel's Warhammer, the Dinner, Battle of the Bands and True Colors is very visible to us. We see her going up and down and we always understand what's up with her. We get a very clear view into her mind. We know Sasha. Marcy, on the other hand, has been lying to the audience up until True Colors, so everything we knew about her prior to that has to be recontextualized given the new information, and what we inevitably conclude is that nothing she learned was enough to make her question her plan. She understood the concepts, but she didn't apply it to her particular situation. That's not a bad thing! She's just halfway through her arc - accepting the Truth without letting go of the Lie. But when so much of her arc is hidden from the audience and further recontextualized through more flashbacks near the finale, what we get is a very mysterious Marcy who tells us "everything you thought you knew is more complicated that it seemed", and given that this is the season finale, that set-up inevitably promises a deeper exploration of the REAL Marcy in S3. No more scheeming and lying and manipulating, just Marcy in real time, with no need for flashbacks to recontextualize things again.

But S3 gives us very few chances to see Marcy in Real Time. We see her in Olivia and Yunan, All In and The Hardest Thing. Three episodes. I'm not gonna complain about that because I think we all feel the same way. There's no need. But I will insist that a good solution would have been to have at least two or three episodes about Marcy inside the Core. The King and the Core should have been about Marcy uncovering that ancient information in Aldrich's memory without him noticing, for example. This would have been an improvement in several ways:

More Marcy screentime and development

More exploration on the nature of the Core

We have a present day character knowing all about the Box's lore, and it's not just Andrias randomly thinking about in with a vintage filter on.

Marcy having more agency inside the Core in general would have allowed her to fight back in some way, which would be necessary for another change I'd like to suggest below.

Other episodes could be about her "bonding" with Aldrich and slowly realizing he's delulu, her learning about some old Olm lore, and unlocking a secret that will help them later with like, Anne's powers or the Moon or something, and just... her thinking and realizing she fucked up. If the Core knows her memories, it could recreate a more prolongued scenario with Anne and Sasha, maybe a sleepover? In general, I think Marcy would need someone in there to bounce off of, whether it is a bad guy like Aldrich or lifeless projections of Anne and Sasha, or even someone in there that's actually on her side, sick of living forever in this fantasy, maybe.

She needs time to define her new, changed self after learning her lesson, just like Sasha got to do. Because we barely see who Marcy has become after the events of Amphibia. We got like... TWO scenes to tell us ANYTHING about it.

"No! Only a coward would hide away in this place! Well, I reject this sick fantasy, and I reject you!"

"Even if your friends win, your parents will still tear the three of you apart."

"I started this whole mess because I wanted to escape that reality, but I won't run away from it anymore!"

And later near the end:

"I came to this world thinking only of myself. It was wrong of me, and I wish I'd gotten to know you both better"

These are like... the only indicator of the person Marcy became in Amphibia. They're not worthless - she learned to be more aware of the people around her, and to be stronger in the face of change. Her final scene with Aldrich is her most confrontational scene in the show, and certainly her most angry one. Before, she'd only been like... mildly annoyed one time because Anne was being too overprotective, and she glared at Andrias for like two seconds during O&Y but didn't actually say anything. Marcy is not an angry person, and she does seem to be scared of conflict, so to slap Aldrich's hand away, call him a coward, and proudly raise her fist and declare she's done running makes her look much stronger, and I appreciate that. And she does pretty much declare she refuses to be a coward. But this isn't nearly enough. If I want to write fanfic about Marcy post-Amphibia, I shouldn't have to sit down to analyze these two moments to extrapolate what her characterization would have been like. It should be like with Sasha. We know exactly who the new Sasha is, but we never get to see the new Marcy shine. I think that's why her arc feels so rushed in comparison to Sasha, whose beginning of her arc arguably took up one 11 minutes episode, and the rest happened mostly off-screen: the new Sasha was radiant in S3B, even if we didn't see much of the transition.

I know that, due to structural reasons, Marcy wasn't going to have much screentime so they had to rush her arc quite a bit, and while my suggestion to give her more time inside the Core stands, I think that's not enough either. I think she needs time to interact with Anne and Sasha, and also King Andrias, her Amphibia friend. It's hard to think of a solution to this problem given the way the finale is structured, but my first idea is to make it longer: The Beginning of the End stays the same, All In stays the same except for the way Marcy is released: instead of just, cutting a cable, Sasha needs to reach her with the Power of Friendship. Think something like the Running Up That Hill scene from Stranger Things, or the Toothless Found scene from HTTYD2

Because we can't miss a chance to develop Sasha and Marcy's relationship here. AND since they both share the roles of the Betrayer, the Liar, the Manipulator, of Anne's toxic friend in the path of redemption, it's poetic that Sasha, who has held Marcy under her thumb for years, is the one to help her break free, not through brute force like in canon, but by actually putting into practice what she's learned. Kinda like how, in AtLA S3, Zuko is playing the role of group therapist to the rest of the Gaang. Sasha figured things out first, now she wants to help Marcy find redemption too. Make it a callback to Anne's little speech from TBOTE

"It's not easy. Forgiveness is hard, and it can take time. But believe me: it's worth it. I mean, just look at what you and I have now."

Because redemption isn't easy. It's hard, and it can take time. But you still need to show up, even when you think they don't want you, even when you think you ruined everything. Getting up to so the right thing is always worth it.

Of course, if we want Sasha to save Marcy, a little bit of previous development wouldn't hurt. What if we add a little episode in S3A about the girls all thinking about each other? Anne finding a copy of War of the Warlocks that Marcy forgot in her house, Sasha being reminded of Marcy while helping Maddie with curses for the resistance, and Marcy just... thinking about them, in general, while in the Core. A simple 11 minutes segment, 3 minutes and a half of screentime for each of them. You don't need much, just a moment for them to explore their conflicting feelings for each other.

But then... then, we still need to see Marcy - the new Marcy - interact with her friends, so let's add one or two more episodes to the finale, between All In and The Hardest Thing. Maybe we can shift the Olms storyline here? Would that mess with the pacing too much? Tbh the writers did put themselves in a predicament with Marcy, so it's hard to find a perfect solution. I guess we can keep the tension if the moon is falling veeeeeery slowly, giving our girls just enough time for one more quick adventure together while not making it feel like they're taking their sweet time. So we have one or two extra episodes, and what do we do here?

We challenge Marcy. Just like how Sasha was challenged in Commander Anne, Marcy has to prove she's changed too. Tempt her with her past self-centeredness, her possessive instincts, the easy way in which she lies to herself, her impulse to plan around Anne and Sasha and not with them, hiding important information. Her fear of change. She knows what she needs to do, and she's ready to sit with the uncomfortable feeling of change instead of rejecting it immediately. Maybe she has to let Joe Sparrow go, for example, to be with other sparrows or something, idk. Whatever it is, it needs to be an opportunity to show her newfound emotional maturity. Show how, just like Anne and Sasha before her, she became a more noble person, one who, from now on, is honest, selfless and brave. One who embraces change, and who may even seek it out, because she understands this is how you grow.

Anyway. Yeah, that. I guess I'm just disappointed we never got to see the person Marcy became, but at least it's not hard to extrapolate it from what little the show gave us. We're not 100% in the dark. Though it's not nearly enough. If they ever give us more Amphibia, it would be awesome to see more of this new Marcy, but until then, we have a beautiful community here of galaxy brained people to put the pieces together 🥰

[skeelly]

❀ kristen ❀ 14◝ 🇵🇭◝ brain-rotten ◝ very sarcastic◝ music? yes ◝ i really like poetry ◝ ambivert◝ addicted to sleeping◝ i can be super annoying so beware ◝ i love ice cream ◝ amen ◝ she/her ◝ crazy ◝ i love emoticons :) ◝ i also don't bother to reread messaged before i send them, sorry ◝

❀ olivia rodrigo 𓍼 taylor swift 𓍼 the smiths 𓍼 one direction 𓍼 harry styles 𓍼 niall horan 𓍼 louis tomlinson 𓍼 zayn 𓍼 gracie abrams 𓍼 claire rosinkranz 𓍼 the weeknd 𓍼 lil skies 𓍼 clairo 𓍼 conan gray 𓍼 lana del rey 𓍼 one republic 𓍼 why don't we 𓍼 the neighborhood 𓍼 dominic fike 𓍼 abba 𓍼 quinnie 𓍼 the strokes 𓍼 anarbor 𓍼 laufey 𓍼 the vamps 𓍼 sabrina carpenter 𓍼 5sos 𓍼 role model 𓍼

❀ stay away if you're: ♡ homophobic ♡ racist ♡ sexist ♡ misogynistic ♡ pro-israel ♡ my family ♡ knows me irl ♡ i can't think of anything else so if you're bad just stay away ♡

not that it's important, but my url is pronounced as skel-e hehe okay

so i don't exactly know what else you'd like to know about me, so just send an ask!!

i believe in the power of friendship (please be my friend)

@crysten my poems

❀ my people

in no particular order (i'm still adding to it cause i don't know who would be okay with getting mentioned here lol. also most of my friends have deactivated. and if you don't want to be mentioned or do want to be mentioned, you can tell me!!)

@moonlightt444

@gergthecat

@mqstermindswift

@flowers-for-em

@lilydoeswrite

@kimu-dem

@coco6420

@beautiful-songbird

@arqbella

@you-know-that-i-caught-it

@sleepinginmygrave

@s1xseasonsandamov1e

@iloveyapping

@daydream-of-a-wallflower

@xoxo-g0ssipgir1

@anixknowsnothin

@you-know-that-i-caught-it

[oneshotnewbie]

A oneshot where Olivia's daughter starts breaking sown cause she feels like she isnt important in her mom's life since she's been working alot on a case lately.

ᕚ---ᕘ

The city was immersed in a noisy backdrop as you entered the New York Police Department station, your heart slightly trembling. It had been a while since you had visited your mother, Captain Olivia Benson, in person, and you couldn't wait to surprise her and spend time with her.

The smell of coffee and freshly printed reports permeated the air as you strolled through the busy hallways of the precinct. The uniformed officers and detectives busily working at their desks only gave you fleeting glances as they focused on their own tasks. You quickly walked to the office, but before you had the chance to meet your mother there, you were stopped by an unexpected apparition.

Through the stream of officers and witnesses coming and going, an energetic woman with short brown hair and a serious expression on her face walked toward you. It was none other than Olivia. You opened your mouth to greet her, a big smile on your lips and a glint in your eyes. "Hey, mom!"

"Hey, baby. Sorry, gotta go. Another case." The brunette spoke, swinging her phone in the air while her eyes were trained on you. She quickly gave you a quick kiss on the temple, scurring past you with Finn.

You stopped and watched your mother move around the room, conferring with her colleagues and giving instructions before she completely disappeared from your sight. A feeling of disappointment washed over you. You had been so looking forward to spending time with her, surprising her and maybe even hearing a few stories from her exciting day. But now she didn't seem to have any time for you. Like so often lately.

With a heavy heart, you turned away and made your way to Olivia's office. The door was open and as you walked in, you collapsed onto the sofa. The tears you had been holding back only began to flow uncontrollably down your cheeks. The disappointment that your mother was so busy that she didn't even notice that she hadn't really seen you in a few days was overshadowed by an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.

Just then, you heard footsteps outside the office, quickly wiping tears from your eyes and looked up. You immediately saw the face of Amanda, who walked in with an empathetic look and closed the door behind her. "Hey," she said softly, immediately placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "What's going on?"

You sniffled and tried to hold back your tears, but it was in vain. "It's just.. my mom. I thought I could surprise her and spend time with her, but she's busy with work.." Amanda sighed and pulled you into a big hug. "I'm sorry it turned out that way. But you know how Liv is. She takes her work very seriously. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, if that's what you think."

You nodded slowly, even though your tears continued to fall. You knew your mother's best friend was right, but it was still hard to accept. You longed for her attention and affection that you were able to experience so often in your childhood.

The detective gently rubbed your back as she sat down next to you. "Hey, why don't we go get something to eat? Maybe we can spend some time together and I can distract you? I'm on break now."

A faint smile crossed your face as you leaned against Amanda. "That sounds like a good idea." You replied and left Olivia's office together. Even though you still craved your mother's attention, you also realized that Amanda was another important figure in your life who loved and supported you like her own children.

The blonde gently pulled you out of the captain's office through the busy hallways of the precinct. Her heart broke as she watched the tears continue to roll down your face. She could practically feel the pain bubbling inside you, but she also knew that at least she was there to support you in this moment.

She led you to a quieter area of the station, away from the hectic activity and prying eyes of the other officers, eventually taking you to the breakroom, far enough away from the main traffic areas to provide some privacy.

Amanda pulled out a chair and sat you down on it as she sat next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, gently pulling you close once more. "It'll be okay, sweetheart," she whispered comfortingly. "I am here for you."

A sob escaped your lips, but the hug from the blonde brought you some comfort. You felt safe in her arms, as if the loneliness couldn't tear you apart inside as long as she was with you.

"Why doesn´t she have much time for me? She's just here from morning to night. I don't see her before I go to bed and when I get up in the morning she's no longer there either.." you asked with a trembling voice while you wrapped your arms around her middle and hid your head in her side.

Amanda sighed softly. She knew there was no easy answer to this question. "Your mother.. she has a lot of responsibility as captain of SVU. Sometimes her work takes up so much of her time that she forgets about everything else. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you, y/n. She does. Deeply inside I know she does."

You nodded again, but the pain in your eyes was still clear. "I know she has a lot to do, but sometimes.. sometimes I just feel so alone. Like that time in nursing home."

The detective sighed and hugged you even tighter, both arms now wrapped around your body. "You're not alone, y/n. You have me. You have Finn, Kat and Carisi. And you have your mother, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. We are a family, and we will always be there for each other."

You played tensely with your shaky fingers, leaning on Amanda, grateful for her words and support. It felt good to know that you had someone who cared about you, even when Olivia wasn't available.

Time passed slowly as you and Amanda sat there, side by side, in your little oasis of peace. But eventually the silence was broken by the sound of quick footsteps approaching. You looked up and saw your mother rushing through the door. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw that you had been crying. She quickly rushed to you, her expression worried, before kneeling in front of you and her hands finding their way to your knees. "What happened? Is everything okay?"

The blonde slowly pulled away from you, seeing the urge to pull away to give the mother-daughter conversation its space. "It's okay, Liv. She just needed someone to be there for her. I stayed with her." she smiled at her boss and best friend.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and looked you straight in the eyes. "Why were you crying, my darling?" She asked you, pulling your head onto her shoulder, her fingers starting to rub gentle circles on your lower back. "You don't have time for me anymore. You're here all the time and I'm always alone at home. You come home late, go to work early. Have you noticed that we haven't really seen each other or had a meaningful conversation in almost a week?"

Your voice was choked with tears, a large lump forming in your throat as you found it difficult to swallow. Your mother inhaled sharply and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry I was so busy honey," she spoke carefully, pulling away from you to lift your head with her fingers under your chin. "I promise you that after today, I'll put Finn in charge and take a week off, okay?"

You smiled weakly and placed your arms gently around your mother's neck. It felt good to finally feel your mother's closeness, even if it was just for a moment. You knew it wouldn't be easy dealing with your her work schedule since becoming captain, but you knew that not only Olivia loved you, but the entire SVU family too.

[choicesficwriterscreations]

April OC of the Month: Olivia Hadley

Please welcome April 2024's MC of the Month! Each month, we highlight one MC or OC on our Meet My MC / OC List. They are selected randomly on the Wheel of Names, and eligibility requirements can be found here. We accept MC / OC profiles on an ongoing basis. Please feel free to send yours in!

This month’s OC of the month is…

@storyofmychoices's Olivia Hadley!

More below...

In your own words, tell us what you like most about your MC / OC.

Olivia is literally sunshine. She is the most genuine and empathetic person. She constantly looks for ways to help others and make life better for those who are not as fortunate as she is. She always tries to make everyone she meets (especially children) feel special and heard/appreciated. It doesn’t matter if she knows them or not. She looks out for everyone. She is just a good person with the most beautiful heart and soul. She is so precious to me. In an ideal world, there would be a lot more Olivia’s to help us all feel special.

Do you feel your MC / OC is like you at all? How are you alike or different?

I do think Olivia and I have a lot in common. While I wish I could be as kind and empathetic as Olivia, I am still human, and I make mistakes. I try really hard to live by the principles of “leave the world a little better than you found it” (even if it’s just putting away a grocery cart someone left or picking up one piece of trash in a parking lot) and “be kind whenever possible; it is always possible” (this one is a little harder, but I try every single day to show kindness to everyone, even when I cannot show it to myself). I feel those principles also represent Olivia, she’s just better at it than me.

I also think we have similar occupations. We both wanted to be veterinarians and then learned we’d have to put animals down. Then we both switched to Pediatric Medicine. Olivia stuck with it. I decided to be a teacher because Pediatricians need to know how to deliver babies, and that’s a hard pass for me. Childbirth might be a miracle, but it’s disgusting (IMHO) lol. But we both work closely with children and try to make a positive impact on their lives. We both do whatever we can to create a safe place where children can tell us stuff they don’t know if they can share with their parents yet (questioning their sexual identity or gender). I’ve been very lucky to help several transgender elementary students feel more confident and accepted as well as work with parents to help them help their child. I’ve also worked with students with abusive home lives or their families can’t afford basic needs so I’ve gone out of my way to try to help them through anonymous donations and gift cards through the school. Anything I can do to ease even one struggle, I will do it and I think that is very much the person Olivia is. Olivia will always look out for anyone in her life. 

As for differences, Olivia is a little more confident than I am. I drink far more coffee than she does. We both love plants, but she keeps them alive better than I do. I try, but I don’t always succeed, though a cactus I got as a gift from a student 3 years ago just bloomed for the first time this month, so I’m super excited for that. Maybe Olivia is finally rubbing off?

What is most important to your MC / OC? What is their motivation in life?

Olivia’s motivation is truly to make the world a better place. She knows that it’s not always easy, and there are so many struggles and so many hardships. She really wants to make a difference in the lives of those closest to her as well as in the community she serves. She knows she can’t conquer world hunger or global peace, but if she can make a difference to people around her then maybe those people can help some others and things would ripple out from there. 

After she has children, her motivation splits. She’ll never stop caring about those around her or the patients she sees, but her children are her first priority.

What are their biggest pet peeves/dislikes?

Olivia doesn’t like gossip. She doesn’t like when people talk about others behind their back in a negative way. It makes her feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t like passive aggressive responses to situations. She genuinely believes that people are good, and if we all just try to have a little more empathy and understanding, the world would be a better place. 

She doesn't like rudeness, pettiness, or dishonesty.

Olivia prefers order and organization, so she dislikes chaos and messy places. 

If your MC / OC could change one thing - anything - what would it be?

If Olivia could change anything, she’d find a cure for childhood cancer. She takes each case to heart and watching children struggle is something that is very hard for her. She would never trade her time at Edenbrook for anything, and she feels guilty for even thinking it, but she is grateful when she opens her own practice that most of her cases become regular checkups and normal/everyday illnesses.

What is your MC / OC’s favorite quote or song?

“My favorite things in life don't cost any money. It's really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time." — Steve Jobs

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that, I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” ― Maya Angelou

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." —Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." — Mary Anne Radmacher

“Even miracles take a little time.” — Fairy GodMother (Cinderella) 

“Happily ever after is about finding happiness within yourself and holding on to it through any storm that comes your way." —Chris Colfer

Is there anything else you’d like to share about your MC / OC?  (It can be why you created them, how they’ve inspired you, or you could write a little blurb as if it is coming from your OC - an acceptance speech. :) )

Ahhh what else to say about my precious Olivia?! She truly brings me so much joy.  

If you’ve been in this fandom long enough, you’ll remember I was an Ethan romancer when OH first released. I enjoyed Ethan/MC’s dynamic. They totally reminded me of Thomas Hunt x MC. However, just before the pandemic, I wrote Bryce, thinking it was a one off thing, but as the world started to shut down, things got darker and scarier, Bryce Lahela’s sunshine and encouragement was something that resonated with me. I tried to make Olivia fit in the role of MC, but I just didn’t like the setup of MC with Bryce. So I made Olivia an original character. Taking her out of that MC role gave me so much more freedom with her and so much more freedom for telling her and Bryce’s story. I loved being able to see where each story would take them. I’m eternally grateful to Olivia (and Bryce) for helping me get through the Covid Pandemic. Having her and Bryce and their friends and family helped me have something positive and hope-filled to hold onto.

Olivia is actually really competitive. You might not see it or notice it at first, but if you’ve ever been a part of any competition with her, you’ll see she will not hold back. 

Olivia has a black belt in taekwondo, even though she never talks about it. She got it in High School. She wanted to do something to challenge herself and she wasn’t participating in any team sports, though she did try to get a pingpong team started in her school but it never took off. 

Olivia volunteered with Habitat for Humanity for a summer in the Dominican Republic.

Olivia has Scottish roots and has always dreamed of going to Scotland. She hasn’t gotten there yet, but one day!

Olivia is almost as lucky to have such good friends in Casey and Merida as I am to have @jerzwriter and @lilyoffandoms in my life. I can’t even begin to express how special they are to me and how I treasure their friendship.

Thank you to everyone who has ever supported Olivia. She is truly a special character who is so close to my heart. The fact that she is truly an original character and you still adore her means so much to me. I can’t say thank you enough. The amount of serotonin I get from writing and sharing her with you should be illegal, and then when anyone interacts, my heart explodes with unicorns and rainbows and all the sunshine. I’m eternally grateful for the support of Olivia, Bryce, and their little world. Thank you!!! 

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Epilogue

Author's note: And we've made it to the end! 🙁 Thank you very much to everyone who has read and supported this story. As always, and especially with the ones about Declan since he is my fave, it means a lot. Hope you like this last chapter, and once again, thank you very much for reading! 💜

Previous chapter

Masterlist

A year later…

“Can you replay that bit?”

“What?” Declan says.

“The last five seconds of the video. Can you play them again?”

“Urgh” he groans. “I should have worn one of those clip on ties like the one Leo is wearing.”

“Declan, Leo is six and you are almost thirty. You have to wear a proper tie” I say while trying to follow the step I just watched. “Ok, done.” 

“Let me see” he says, checking himself in the mirror.

“You clean up quite well, Rice” I tease him.

“So do you, Miss Chapman” he winks, my face instantly starting to burn. Will that ever stop happening? Probably not.

“Yes… Umm… Let’s go, we can’t be late.”

“One last thing” Declan says, taking my hand as I try to leave the bathroom. 

“What.”

“I love you, Liv” he smiles.

“I love you too” I smile back. “Now let’s go.”

“Liv, did you just dodge me when I was about to kiss you?” he laughs.

“I did, yes. I can’t let you ruin my makeup. And, if we kiss, we will definitely get carried away and end up being late, and then Madders and Kennedy will kill us.”

“True” he chuckles. “Though now you owe me a kiss.”

“I won’t forget about it, don't worry. Now let’s go.”

“Fine” he sighs when I grab his hand and basically drag him behind me.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride” the priest says before Madders wraps his hands around Kennedy’s waist and kisses her, everyone cheering and clapping.

“They are so cute” I smile. “Don’t you agree, Declan? Declan?”

“Yeah?” 

“Oh my God, Declan. Are you crying?”

“What? No, no” he says, quickly wiping away his tears. “It’s just the sun and these gorgeous blue eyes you love so much. Sometimes they get too sensitive.”

“The eyes or the owner of the eyes?”

“Don’t tease me, Olivia” he says, pinching my butt and making me jump. 

“Declan!” I say, quickly looking around to see if anyone has noticed.

“You’ve been warned” he smirks.

“Idiot” I reply, hitting his arm. “But there is nothing wrong with getting emotional during a wedding, you know? And I have seen you cry many times before.”

“I know, Liv. But this time, I wasn’t crying.”

“Of course you weren’t” I say, moving my hands to my back so he doesn’t try anything again. But he has seen me, and does something worse. 

“I wasn’t” he whispers in my ear before giving it a little bite, the noise that leaves my mouth being the most inappropriate one ever, and one that the woman sitting next to me has definitely heard. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Hi! Sorry for interrupting!” Kennedy says from the stage where the DJ is playing. “Hello everyone. Are you having fun?” she asks, all the guests cheering. “Good, great!” she smiles. “I'm afraid we have take a little break from partying, because it is time for something very very important. Girls and some boys, assemble!”

“What did she just say?”

“Nothing, ignore her” I say, kissing Declan again.

“Olivia, I can see you!” Kennedy says. “Stop making out with your baby daddy and join the others!”

“Bloody hell” I whisper, resting my forehead on Declan's chest.

“What is going on?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

“Olivia Chapman!” Kennedy calls again, all the other guests definitely looking our way.

“Ok, fine!” I say, finally giving up. “But you and I…” I say, pointing at Declan. “We aren't done yet.”

“Oh, I know” he smirks. “And you still owe me a kiss.”

“Haven't we kissed enough already?” I laugh.

“Nope” he says, that smirk that makes my knees feel like jelly and my insides on fire, still on his face. 

I don't know what has gotten into us today, but we can't keep our hands from each other. Though that's a lie. In my case, I do know what has gotten into me: Declan in a suit. Well, he's not really gotten into me yet, but soon. And yes, that's a thought that has been almost said aloud more than once tonight. 

“Olivia!” Kennedy yells again.

“I'm coming!” I reply, joining the others.

I know what she's going to do. She is going to throw her bouquet at us, and whoever catches it will be the one getting married next. And I also know she is going to do everything in her power so I am that next person.

“Are you ready?” Kennedy says, turning her back to us. “One… two… three!” she screams before throwing the bouquet. 

I see it fly, the girls in front of me jumping to try and catch it, one of the boys holding the arms of the one next to him so he can't grab it. And then, I see it coming towards me.

The girl standing next to me pushes me to catch it, but she somehow steps on her dress, and makes us both fall. 

“Are you ok?” I ask her as I stand up. Thank God I had already gotten rid of my heels and I'm wearing my sneakers. If I hadn't, I'm sure I would have hurt my ankle.

“Yeah, yeah” she says, taking the hand I'm offering her and also standing up. “Though you are much better.”

“What?”

“Look” she says, nodding behind me. 

As I turn around, there he is: Declan in all his glory with his messy hair, the tie gone, the first buttons on his shirt undone, and the sleeves rolled up and showing his forearms. He looks hot, and handsome, and gorgeous, and urgh. Can you believe he is my boyfriend? The father of my child? Because sometimes, like right now, I still can't believe it. And what I can't believe either, is the thing in his hands.

“Is this allowed?” he asks, looking at Kennedy.

“Not really. But since I am the bride and this is my wedding, I say it is. Congratulations, Declan and Liv! You are next!” she says, looking my way with a mischievous smile.

“Great” I say under my breath.

“So…” Declan says, walking towards me once the music starts again. “Does this mean that now I have to propose? Or how does this work?”

“You have, yes” Madders says, showing up out of nowhere.

“Dear lord, James” I say, my hand instinctively moving to my heart. “You scared me.”

“Sorry” he smiles. “But yes, Declan. Now you have to propose and ask Liv to marry you, that's how the tradition works. Though since you were the one who caught the bouquet, maybe it is Liv the one who should propose to you?”

“I'm not proposing to anyone” I say.

“Don't you want to marry me, Liv?” Declan asks me.

“I do.”

“Oh my God” Madders gasps.

“That wasn't a proposal, James. Relax” Declan says. “The day I properly ask Liv to marry me, it'll be somewhere special and with a more romantic setting than a DJ blasting David Guetta. Something like that dinner we had in the Seine with the Eiffel tower behind us, but better. Is there any city you would like to visit one day?”

“I remember you once told me that one of your dreams was to visit Rome” Madders says.

“Is that true?” Declan asks me.

“It is, yes.”

“Then watch out, Liv” he says, moving closer. “Because any day now, I may fly you to Rome and ask you to marry me. You've been warned” he whispers in my ear before biting it like he did earlier, that noise leaving my mouth once again.

“Ok, I better go find my wife” Madders says, leaving us alone. “Enjoy the rest of the night” he winks. He heard me. He definitely heard me. Wonderful.

“You need to stop doing that in public, Declan” I manage to say while he starts kissing my neck, Kennedy's bouquet still in his hands as he wraps his arms around my waist. 

“Do what?” he says against my skin, the feeling making me shudder. 

“You know what.”

“No, I do not.”

“Declan…” I whisper.

“Yes?”

“Let's go to our room.”

“Already?” he says, moving to look at me and lifting one of his eyebrows.

“Yes, already.”

“Why?” he asks, now trying really hard not to smirk.

“I still owe you a kiss, don't I?”

“You do.”

“Do you want it?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then let's go” I say, taking his hand and dragging him behind me like I did this morning.

“So bossy, Olivia” he chuckles.

“This is nothing compared to how I will be if we get married, so you better get used to it.”

“Looking forward to it, Liv” Declan says, lifting our hands and kissing mine. “Looking forward to it.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

A couple of years later…

“I don't want you to go, mummy.”

“It'll be just a few days, Ollie” I say, while trying to comfort him.

“But I'm going to miss you! Why can't I go with you and daddy?”

“Because it is a holiday just for mums and dads” Declan tells him.

“Boring” he pouts.

“Next time you are coming with us.”

“Promise?” Ollie says, looking at me.

“I promise” I reply, kissing his forehead. “Now go get your bag, grandma is waiting.”

“Fine” he says before running away.

“He doesn't want us to go, but five minutes after we've left him at my mum's he will have forgotten we exist” Declan chuckles.

“I know” I sigh. Every time Declan and I go away for a few days to enjoy some alone time, it is the same. Ollie doesn't want us to leave, and when we arrive at our destination and call to check on him, he's so busy playing with whoever he is staying with, that he completely ignores us. 

“Mummy, are you bringing me a present?” he asks me when he joins us again.

“Of course. What do you want?”

“A zebra!” he smiles. “I'm missing one in my farm.”

“Take notes, Declan. A zebra. The one with black and white stripes” I tease him.

“I know what a zebra looks like, Liv” he replies, rolling his eyes. 

“Just in case” I say, trying to hide a smile. 

Ollie is obsessed with animals since my dad bought him a farm for his first birthday, and every time we go away or even just into London to do some shopping, we have to buy him a new animal for his collection. A couple of weeks ago Declan played in Barcelona and promised to buy him a shark, but he showed up with a whale because he somehow got them mixed, and that had Ollie crying for an hour and us checking if they had sharks on Amazon and could deliver them the sooner the better.

“Should we get going?” Declan says. “We can't be late for the airport, Liv.”

“Yes, of course. Ready, Ollie?” I tell him, offering him my hand.

“Yes!” he replies, doing a little jump and taking it.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Liv… Liv, wake up.”

“What?” I mumble, slowly opening my eyes.

“We just landed, Liv” Declan says.

“Oh, shit.” 

“Take your time, there is no rush” he chuckles. “And you can't go outside covered in drool.”

“I don't drool” I say, touching my face and noticing something.

“You were saying…” 

“Idiot” I reply, quickly cleaning my chin. Turns out that I actually drool. 

“Declan…” I say when we walk into the airport, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“Yeah?”

“Why is everything in Italian?”

“What?”

“And the people who just walked past us were speaking Italian too. Weren't we supposed to go to Paris?” 

Since we don't have a proper date to celebrate our anniversary, every year we try to save one of the trips we take just the two of us to spend it in Paris, always staying at the same hotel we did the first time.

“Change of plans” he shrugs.

“What?”

“Benvenuto to Rome, mon amour.”

“Declan, you just mixed Italian, English and French” I laugh.

“I am a man of many talents, Liv” he smirks. 

“You are, yes” I chuckle. “But why Rome?”

“Well, I thought we needed a change of scenery, and to change our menu. I want to try the real tiramisú, not that thing they give us back home.” 

“And then I am the one with the sweet tooth” I laugh.

“Meh meh meh” he says, pulling me closer and kissing my head.

After that, he keeps talking about other things he wants to do while in Rome, places he wants to visit. But my brain has got stuck in a memory, in something he said during Madders and Kennedy's wedding years ago: “Then watch out, Liv. Because any day now, I may fly you to Rome and ask you to marry me.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“And?”

“Nothing” I say, showing Kennedy my hand over facetime. Because no, Declan hasn't proposed yet, and today is our last full day in Rome. 

“Aww, Liv… Maybe he will do it tonight.”

“Maybe” I sigh. “Or maybe he won't because he doesn't remember what he told me at your wedding. Like, he's been acting so normal the whole trip, not teasing me about it or anything…”

“I'm sure he remembers, Liv” Kennedy says. “He may just be waiting for the right moment and doesn't want to ruin the surprise.”

“Yeah…”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Going for dinner at some restaurant he got recommended, and then probably go back to the hotel before I fall asleep on the table.”

Because that's what I've done the most on this trip: sleep.

Declan's first idea had been to rent a vespa and use it to move around the city and avoid being stuck in traffic, but Arsenal weren't too keen on the idea since we could have an accident and he could get injured, and he ended up hiring a car with a tour guide as our driver. And what happens every time we are in the car going from one spot to the other? That I fall asleep, always having to be woken up by Declan when we arrive. And at night, it is more of the same. One time he even had to carry me to our room because I wouldn't wake up.

“Let’s hope you stay awake and you both get to tell each other what you have to. Because you haven't told him anything yet either, have you?”

“No, I haven't. And he is coming back, act normal” I say when I hear him opening the bathroom’s door.

“Ok” Kennedy chuckles. “Are you bringing me a present? Maybe some tiramisú?”

“Ha!” Declan laughs behind me. “I'm pretty sure Liv has eaten all the tiramisú in the city.”

“I haven't, don't listen to him.”

“She has” he says, sitting down next to me. “But if we are able to find some and she doesn't eat it, we'll save it for you.”

“Thank you, Declan” Kennedy smiles. “And I better go, you probably have to get ready for tonight. You don't want to be late for that special dinner.”

“We don't, no” he smiles back. 

“Yeah… umm… I'll call you tomorrow, ok?” I say.

“Have fun, guys” she winks before hanging up. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Liv, are you ok?”

“I'm fine” I say, struggling to take off my shoe.

“Then why have you been acting so weird the whole night?” Declan asks me.

“Because I'm tired.”

“You've been tired since we left London. And let me help you with that” he says, getting on one knee in front of me and helping me with my shoe. “Why are you laughing now?”

“Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just tired.”

“Liv, are you sure you are ok? You are starting to worry me” he says, easily getting rid of both my shoes.

“I'm fine, Declan” I say, forcing myself to smile. “I guess I'm just getting old.”

“Don't be silly, Liv.”

“Yeah, well” I shrug. “I'm gonna go take off my makeup.”

“Liv…” he says, taking my hand and stopping me before I get up. “If there was something going on, you would tell me, wouldn't you?”

“Of course I would.”

“Promise?”

“I promise” I say, caressing his cheek.

“Then why does it look like you are about to cry?”

“Because you just gave me the same look Ollie did before we left, I've thought about him, and… I miss him.”

“I miss him too. But we'll be seeing him tomorrow. I can already hear him screaming when he sees us both showing up to pick him up from school” he chuckles.

“So do I” I smile. 

“And my back can already feel him jumping at my arms and asking me to pick him up.”

“See how we are getting old? The thirties are coming” I tease him, making him roll his eyes. “And I better go get rid of all this before I start falling asleep.”

“Yes, of course” he says, helping me get up. “But Liv…”

“I'm fine, Declan.”

“I wasn't going to say that.”

“Then?”

“I love you, Liv. You know that, don't you?”

“I do” I smile. “And I love you too. Very much” I say, kissing his cheek before walking into the bathroom. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Liv… Liv, wake up.”

“Uh?”

“Wake up, Liv. C'mon” Declan says.

“What time is it?”

“Early.”

“And why are we waking up early?”

“Because we have a last minute place to visit.”

“What?” I say, finally opening my eyes. It still is dark outside and I feel like just two minutes ago I was getting in bed, disappointed and kind of mad at him because he hadn't proposed, but also feeling like I loved him a bit more after seeing how much he cared about me. 

“Pietro is already waiting downstairs, c'mon.”

“Urgh” I say, covering my head with the duvet.

“There is no time to be lazy, Olivia.”

“Declan!” I complain when he takes the duvet and throws it away. 

“You have five minutes, Liv. We can't be late.”

“This better be worth it” I say, giving him my most murderous look.

“It will. I promise” he grins, making me feel funny things in my stomach. How can I try to be mad at him, if with just one smile he completely disarms me? 

“Not fair.”

“What?” he laughs.

“Your face” I say, pointing at him as I get up from the bed. “It isn't fair.”

“I am extremely gorgeous, I know” he smirks. “Now stop admiring my beauty and go get ready. Five minutes, Liv.”

“Urgh” I groan, walking towards the bathroom.

This better be worth it. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Are we there yet?”

“Almost, miss” says Pietro, our tour guide.

“You need to be a bit patient, Liv” Declan says.

“What I need, is to go back to bed” I complain. “The sun isn't even out yet!”

“It'll be very soon, miss. Like Mister Rice said, you must be patient.”

“Urgh” I groan for the millionth time since Declan woke me up.

After a few more minutes walking in silence, Pietro suddenly stops. 

“We are almost there, miss. Are you ready?” he asks me.

“I guess” I shrug.

“Good” he smiles before turning a corner.

“Aren't we following him?” I ask Declan when he doesn't move.

“Yes, yes” he says, squeezing my hand and starting to walk.

“Oh my God” I gasp when we turn the same corner Pietro had just a minute ago.

“Surprise!” Declan smiles.

“Was it worth it, miss?” Pietro asks me after taking a photo of me where I will definitely show up with my jaw on the floor. Besides being our tour guide and driver, he had also been our personal photographer, taking the best candid photos of Declan and I.

“So worth it” I say, trying to process where I am right now. 

Due to it being one of the most visited places in the city, we had skipped going to the Fontana di Trevi. But there we were now, just us and a few other tourists, the sun starting to shine and illuminate it all. It was simply… breathtaking.

“Look at how awake she looks now” Declan chuckles.

“Oh, shut up” I say, giving him a little push while looking at every single detail in the fountain. 

“Do you want to make a wish, miss?” Pietro asks me, offering me a coin.

“Yes, of course!” I smile. 

“You must turn your back at the fountain, close your eyes, think about what you want, and then throw the coin with your right hand over your left shoulder” he explains.

“Ok. Done” I say, opening my eyes after throwing the coin. “Declan, now is your… Declan!” I gasp when I see him on one knee in front of me.

“Olivia… Liv” he says, taking a little box from the pocket of his jacket. It's happening. It is finally happening, oh my God! “I have rehearsed what I wanted to say so many times that now I've forgotten most of it, so I'll keep it simple. Liv… Will you marry me and make me the luckiest man in the whole wide world?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, that was fast” he laughs. “You barely gave me time to show you the ring.”

“Sorry” I apologise. “But that was the easiest question ever, I didn't have to give too much thought to my answer. Of course I want to marry you, Declan.”

“Even if I took you out of bed way too early?” he says with a teasing smile, getting the ring out of the box and taking my hand.

“Even so” I reply, my eyes fixed on what he is doing, on the gorgeous ring he is putting on my finger. 

“I love you, Liv. I'm stupidly and completely crazy in love with you.”

“And so am I, Declan. I am stupidly and completely crazy in love with you” I say before wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him, Pietro and the other tourists cheering for us. 

It happened. It finally happened. We are getting married. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Declan's pov 

“You barely like the ring, don't you?” I chuckle once we are back in our hotel room to have breakfast, Liv admiring her hand and moving it so the ring catches the light and starts sparkling.

“It is so perfect, Declan. So so perfect… Who helped you pick it?”

“Kennedy and Olga showed me some examples of rings you had told them you liked, but then I designed it myself.”

“Wait, what?” she says, finally looking at me.

“Yeah” I shrug. “The most special woman I have ever met deserves the most special ring” I smile.

“Declan, that's… I… Urgh” she says, getting up from her seat and coming to sit on my lap before hugging me. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Liv” I say while hugging her back. “Am I allowed to finish my breakfast?” I ask her after a couple of minutes in silence where we just hug and enjoy the way our arms feel around the other.

“Yes, of course.”

“You can stay here, tho” I smile, not letting her get up. 

“I actually have something for you too.”

“A surprise?”

“Yep” she says, leaving my embrace before I can stop her. 

“Can't you find it?” I ask her while she turns her suitcase upside down. Guess there won't be time for some cuddles before leaving for the airport. We'll have to spend that time making her suitcase again.

“I know where it is, I just… Here!” she says, showing me what she was looking for.

“An envelope?”

“A very special one, yes” Liv says, handing it to me.

“Aren't you going to sit down with me while I open it?” I ask her, looking down at my lap.

“I'm fine here” she says, standing next to the table and playing with one of the napkins. 

“You look nervous, Liv” I chuckle while opening it.

“So did you earlier.”

“I was about to ask you to marry me.”

“And I'm about to tell you something important too.”

“Are you? Let's see…” I say, checking what is inside the envelope. A photo. A photo of Ollie doing a thumbs up with each hand, a big smile on his face and a t-shirt that says big br… “No!” I gasp, looking from Liv to the photo and back at her. “Is this real? Are you… Liv, are you…”

“I'm pregnant” she says with a shy smile.

“You… holy shit” I say, standing up so quickly that I hit the table with one of my knees and knock one of the glasses. Thank God it was already empty. “You are… You… How? I mean… When? We have been taking precautions!”

“Remember the game against Tottenham? The one you finished as a captain and where you scored?”

“How to forget it” I chuckle. “Your dad didn't talk to me for a week, and he threatened to not let me see Ollie ever again after we left him at their house for the night.”

“He did, yes” she laughs. “But I was talking about what happened after. About what we did when we made it home.”

“You mean… Oh…”

“Yes, oh” she says, closing the space between us. “The sun was starting to come up when we finally decided it was time to sleep for a bit.”

“It was a glorious day and night” I smirk, hugging her by the waist.

“And because of that night and, once again, your perfect aim, now our family is going to welcome a new member” she says, taking one of my hands and putting it over her stomach.

“I… I don't know what to say. I… Wait. Is this why you've been constantly falling asleep and taking so many naps?”

“Yep” Liv laughs. “I'm not feeling nauseous yet and I hope it stays like that, but I am so tired all the damn time…”

“And I've taken you on a holiday and made you walk for hours. I'm such an idiot.”

“Declan, it's ok. You didn't know” she says, caressing my cheek. “And the doctor said I could fly and keep with my life as usual if I was feeling ok. You haven't put us at risk.”

“Us…” I say, looking down at where our hands are resting together. 

“Declan, are you crying or are those beautiful eyes of yours being sensitive again?” Liv teases me while wiping away a tear.

“This time I am crying” I chuckle. “I just can't believe that, in the same morning, the woman I love has said yes to marry me and then told me that we are going to be parents again. I am so freaking happy right now, Liv. I feel like my heart is about to burst inside my chest.”

“Same” she smiles. “I love you, Declan.”

“And I love you, Liv. I've loved you since the day we met and you smiled at me while giving me that coffee, and I will love you for the rest of my life. Because I'm stupidly and completely…”

“Crazy in love with you.”

“Crazy in love with you” I repeat before kissing her.

━━━━❃━━━━ FIN ━━━━❃━━━━

[elllisaaa]

skz as olivia rodrigo songs - maknae line

-> pairing : skz maknae line x fem!reader

-> words count : 3.2k words

-> genre : angst, exes, toxic relationship, messy breakup

-> sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | skz masterlist | 1k event masterlist

hyung line | maknae line

HAN JISUNG - TRAITOR

Honesty had always been a very important value to you, and you loved to believe that it was the same for Jisung. After all, he pinky promised you to always tell the truth, and neither of you would dare to break pinky promises right ? Well, you didn’t break it. You were always genuine with him, even when you weren’t proud of what you did, even when it was not enjoyable to speak the truth or to say certain things about him and you, about your relationship. 

And when life was not easy, he was there for you no matter what, and you were there for him when he needed you too. Because if you were together, nothing could hurt, nothing could turn bad. Except it did, and you felt the wound of betrayal so clearly, even now when you should be happy and smile, you couldn’t. 

You knew that Jisung would be at this party. Felix was his friend first, and even if you kept in touch with him even after the break-up, he couldn’t not invite one of his best friends, and you were fine with it. He had already filled so much part of your life with sadness, you didn’t want to let him invade every little thing you loved with his bad memories, and that included your friendship with Felix. 

No, you didn’t mind seeing your ex again. What was really hard though was that he didn’t come alone. Suddenly, it was becoming not so easy to ignore his presence in the same room you were in. Suddenly, you were overwhelmed by the many questions he never answered, the questions he used to avoid. Was she his new girlfriend ? Did he fall in love with her ? Since how long ?

It was even harder to believe that he could have moved on already, but even more, it felt so wrong. Because who could catch feelings so quickly ? Was it possible that your sweet Jisung had lied to you all along ? Was it possible that he played games with you ? Was it possible that all these rumors were true ? In the end, you were not sure of anything anymore : if he really loved you, if he was really honest with you. Nothing felt true anymore. 

Yet, so many people had told you that he was acting suspicious by the time he ended your relationship, that he was often seen with the very girl he was holding the waist of in front of your eyes right now. But still, you couldn’t believe it. No. No way that Jisung cheated on you. But still, a little doubt was floating in the back of your mind and you needed to ease it. 

“- It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you…”

Jisung turned around immediately at your familiar voice, a shy smile spreading on his lips as he nodded his head.

“- Yeah, I know… I’ve been quite busy, work and all of that, you know ?

- And your girlfriend too I guess.”

His smile fell from his lips, clearly understanding where all of this was leading and what you wanted.

“- Huh… Yes, a little bit.”

You wanted to stay strong, wanted to be confident and appear like that. Because you had already cried too much, already spared him too much time and tears. But your next sentence was far from confident, your voice shaking as you tried not to look away from him.

“- She’s the reason we broke up right ? You can tell me, I’m not blind Jisung. I see the way you look at her. You’ve never looked at me like that. I just wished you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

- I’m sorry, I really am… It just kind of happened before I knew it…”

He genuinely seemed sorry, but it wasn’t enough for you not to be angry, not to feel like you’ve been betrayed all over again. 

“- You cheated ?

- No ! Never, I’ll never do that to you.”

You nobbed, and in the distance, you saw his girlfriend approaching the two of you again. She didn’t deserve to hear all that, it wasn’t her fault, so you looked at Jisung one last time before leaving him behind you.

“- You didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor Jisung.”

LEE FELIX - GET HIM BACK

You met Felix in the summer, when going on vacation to a place so far away from where you lived that you didn’t expect to run into someone who was coming from the same city as you. But you did. And it was a blessing. You were spending your days at the beach with him, and then with his friends when he introduced you to them. They could be weird, but they were so funny and all you needed at that time was to relax, and it was even better to do it with people you wouldn’t see again. 

Felix showed you the most beautiful places in Australia, doing road trips just to get you to see this one spot that was so beautiful. So one night, during a walk on the beach to take you back to your hotel after another party, he kissed you under the moonlight and you were not stupid enough to reject him. It was fun, he was fun and fun was all you wanted for these holidays. 

But maybe he was too fun. Maybe he didn’t get attached to you as much as you got attached to him. You remembered how he would pass on some of the dates you had planned to go out with his friends instead. But no problem, all of this was not serious ! In the end, it became serious for you, and what was supposed to be a meaningless summer crush turned into you falling for him. 

So when you had to go back home, you knew that he was certainly not going to text you as much as before. And it was what happened. You stopped talking, as if nothing ever happened between the two of you, as if it was really not serious for him when all you wanted was to come back to that night when he kissed you for the first time. 

The worst part of it all was that you were perfectly aware of the fact that Felix had lied to you on numerous occasions. You knew that he lied about what he was doing, about why he was in Australia, about why sometimes he was seen kissing other girls. You knew all that. You knew that you didn’t mean as much to him as he meant to you. But that was okay. It was supposed to end at one point anyway. 

So even if you missed him some nights, when you were lonely and all your friends were dating, you never dared to text him. Until this one day when Felix called you, saying that he was coming back to your city for a while, asking if you wanted to meet up. And obviously, you said yes. Because even if you wanted your sweet revenge for all he had done, you also wanted him again, you wanted to get him back. 

Felix invited you to have a drink with him at a bar, and you were mesmerized all over again by his sweet smile, his beautiful freckles, and his deep voice that brought back to life all the butterflies that you had tried to kill the past months. It was almost as if you were back in his car, driving through the desert with no other sound than the broken radio of his old car and the sound of your laughter as you shared memories. And if you ended up going back to his place this night, it was just for the sake of these memories. Nothing more. 

But it became something more again. Just like you wanted. Just like you had dreamt about. It was just not what you imagined. How stupid was it of you to think that you could change him and his ways of living ? You were nothing but some kind of amusement to him and you knew it. All you did was hurt yourself in the process and argue with him even more. 

“- What do you want from me Y/N ? I already told you not to call me when I’m out with my friends !

- And you also told me to call you if I needed something ! You’re not making any sense !”

Felix shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his blond hair. Why was he so hot when you wanted to be mad at him ? 

“- I don’t understand you ! Do you love me or do you hate me ?

- I guess it’s up and down these days because you act like a fucking asshole !”

You turned away, slamming the door of his apartment behind you and not caring about his neighbors. That was what was so frustrating about him. He was sweet but toxic at the same time. He told you that you were pretty one day and the next you were annoying. He called you in the middle of the night but you couldn’t do the same. You wanted to break his heart and then be the one to stitch it up. And even if you were angry at him for now, you knew that you would come running back in his arms. 

KIM SEUNGMIN - ENOUGH FOR YOU

You knew from the start that Seungmin was not the most affectionate person, but that was okay. You were in a relationship, so there was no need to worry about him loving you just like you loved him. All it took was one comment from him, one remark from a friend of yours saying that he started to date you out of pity. And then you were spiraling down into doubt and worry. 

As time went on, you started to notice all the things your friend had mentioned. You started to notice how he would always prioritize his friend over you under the excuse that he had some work shit to clear up with them when really they were just hanging out. You started to notice how he always avoided your display of affection, even if it was just holding hands or his waist so as not to get lost in a crowd. You started to notice all the little things he said to you, about how he preferred when you dressed that way, or acted another way. 

And you loved him, you were just a girl in love, so you did that. You tried so hard to be everything that he liked just for him to say that he was not the compliment type. You really did everything he wanted you to change about yourself. You got into the things he loved to prove to him that you were interested in whatever he was doing even if he wasn’t doing the same in return. That was fine, because again, you loved him. And it took some effort on both sides for a love story to work. 

Except Seungmin didn’t put any effort into your relationship. It was obvious. Everyone could see it. So when he broke up with you, it wasn’t a surprise for anyone, even you. You knew that this was all a dream that would end soon, but you wished it would last a little longer. A few weeks later, when you saw him holding another girl’s hand in one of his friends posts on Instagram, you weren’t surprised either. She was his type, not you. But you couldn’t help and wonder what you did wrong for him to leave this easily. 

Despite what he did to you, you tried to move on and get over him. It was not easy, but you still tried. Because he broke your heart, but he also broke much more than that. Until the day you understood that you didn’t do anything the wrong way and that it was all his fault, all along. Then, sadness became anger, and you didn’t longed for him anymore but hated him with all your heart. You felt like you got through all the stages of grief. But in the end, you got yourself together, you had never been happier than since Seungmin left you for some other girl he came to hate too. 

That’s why you weren’t even shaken by the fact that you ran into him at the club this night. You even greeted him, just like you would with an old friend, and you got back to your friends who were waiting for you to dance. And as much as you tried to ignore him, you could feel his eyes burning holes in your back the whole time, even when you left your friends for a while to get yourself another drink, flashing a smile to the barman you had come to know since you came here often. 

“- So now you’re going out, huh ?”

The disappointment in his voice brought you back to the time you tried to be the perfect little doll he wanted you to be, but when you turned around, there was nothing left of that.

“- I do what I want Seungmin, it’s none of your business. 

- I know. I’m just surprised. You were not like that when we were together. 

- Yes. Because I’m not trying to meet your unrealistic expectations anymore.”

Seungmin scoffed, as he always did every time you dared not agree with what he was saying. But you knew better, knew that you didn’t deserve everything he did to you, that you didn’t deserve to be used and discarded.

“- I never asked you to do that.

- But I did it anyway, because all I ever wanted was to be enough for you. But I don’t think anything could ever be enough for you. I’m over all this Seungmin, I’m happy and do not think that I’ll ever let you come back and ruin my life again.”

You left with your drink, not sparing him another glance. But still, you could feel his eyes on you, and you couldn’t help feeling the sadness coming back all over again. He really fucked you up. 

YANG JEONGIN - 1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

Jeongin warned you before you started seeing each other that he had not so much experience and that he might be a little clumsy or careless at times. But he also told you to not hesitate to tell him if he did something that wasn’t good with you. And it all worked well, very well. He was such a sweetheart, always asking your consent before doing anything, buying you flowers, holding your hand during every date he planned, even cooking for you when you came home tired after a long day at school. 

And yes, he was sometimes hurting you, but you knew it was not on purpose, you knew that he didn’t mean it and he always apologized immediately, promising you to not do it again. So far, he always stood by this, learning how to be in a relationship with you, learning how to love you right. Or so you thought. 

Sometimes, he would act like everything was annoying him, even you, and he would send you away as if you were worth nothing. Sometimes, he would be the cutest boyfriend ever and take you to dinner at an expensive restaurant, and treat you like a princess. And you tried to tell yourself that it was only because you were his first serious relationship, but it was getting harder to use this excuse as time went on. 

And even if Jeongin never mentioned that the problem was you, you started to think that you were, in fact, what was wrong between you. You wondered if it was because you were too soft, or because you were too mean, or because you tried to control him too much, or because you were not what he needed. You didn’t know, but so many doubts were filling up your mind as to why everything seemed to unravel, as to why everything seemed to turn bad. 

You tried to take it the good way. It was kinda funny how you got a new lover everyday, wondering if he will walk you to your door or send you home crying. What was important was that you loved him and he loved you, and both of you could learn from the other to be better persons. At least, that was what you were trying to do, but apparently, it was not the case for Jeongin, and all you wished for was that he gave you as much as you were giving to him. You just wanted him to know what he needed, to know if he really wanted to be with you or not because everything he did was confusing. 

“- Why are you crying baby ?”

Today, he was so kind to you, but you couldn’t help going back to a few days before, when he forgot about your date and even called you clingy. 

“- It’s just… I can’t anymore with this back and forth thing you do all the time. If I did something wrong, tell me please, and I’ll fix it I promise. Just tell me…

- What made you think that baby ?”

You tried to stop the numerous tears spilling out of your eyes but you couldn’t, having kept your emotions for yourself for too long. You didn’t know why today, but it was too much to bear. You needed to let it all out.

“- You’re always telling me one thing and then another. You always told me that you loved the fact that I was very affectionate and two days ago you accused me of being too clingy. 

- Is it only that ? 

- No ! Don’t you see how complicated it is for me to get what you want from me ? I always have to be careful with my words to not anger you, and at the same time you treat me like a queen and I… I just don’t know where we are anymore. Do you love me ? Or want me ? Or hate me ? Please, tell me, because I really don’t understand…”

Jeongin was looking at you with a puzzled expression on his face, seemingly not getting what you were trying to tell him. 

“- It’s me who doesn't understand where all this came from. Just because I forgot one single date yesterday, all of sudden I’m a fucking monster that doesn’t consider your feelings ? You’re trying to make me look like the bad guy because you’re angry Y/N.”

You shook your head, attempting one more time to explain your opinion, but one word after another, and one insult after another, and suddenly you were screaming at each other like you had never been in love. 

“- Then I’m leaving, because that’s what you seem to want so badly ! I can’t believe that you’re being like this !

- Well, try to look in a mirror, because maybe this is all your fault instead.”

Jeongin slammed the door behind him, and you knew that sooner or later, you would welcome him again, because you were not ready to let him go yet, even if it was, indeed, his fault. 

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.

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[musings-of-a-rose]

I'll Always Wait For You - Chapter 18 (Final Chapter)

Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Word Count: 6900+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Well, this is it. The final chapter. I’m feeling very emotional about this one, as these 2 are my babies. This fic was the second thing I ever started writing AND my first series. I started it in November of 2021 and now I’m ending it in June of 2023. Thank you to everyone who has read it, left comments, reblogged it, talked about it off of Tumblr (I am still FLOORED that this has happened!). This is what keeps people creating. Even if you think you have nothing important to say, or if all you say is just a keyboard mash of letters, I can promise you ALL of it means the world to us. So I dedicate this fic to you, the reader. You’re the real star here and I can’t express my love enough. If you’re ever wanting more, I am always down to write one shots, drabbles, character insights, what ifs, etc for this fic (and any of my others).

Now excuse me while I go cry

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

I'll Always Wait For You Masterlist

Frankie Morales Masterlist

<&lt;Chapter 17

“You look so beautiful!” Olivia gushes over you after she tucks the last braid into place, watching you stand and do a little twirl in your white dress.

“You think so? It’s not too much?”

“Too much? Girl, it’s your wedding day. You can’t be too much!”

Smiling, you smooth out your dress as you take in your reflection. You’re marrying Frankie. Your Frankie. Frankie, whom you’ve been in love with since you were 19. This is real. It’s happening.

Ok, technically, in the eyes of the law, it happened a few weeks ago at a courthouse. But there’s something special about gathering in front of your close friends and family, wearing a beautiful dress, and getting to repeat those vows in front of everyone. A soft knock at the door brings you out of your head and Olivia walks across the room to peak her head outside. 

“Mosa, it’s the photographer. Are you ready for the first look?”

“It’s HERmosa!” Frankie’s muffled yell comes from behind the door and Olivia smirks. 

One last glance in the mirror at your reflection and you nod, turning your back towards the door. You hear some shuffling as Frankie is ushered in backwards and the photographers get into place. 

“Turn in 3..2..1..Turn!” Olivia says and then steps back.

You turn, your eyes finding his almost immediately, as if they were drawn there. He’s dressed in a tailored suit, fitting his form perfectly, his grandfather’s kerchief folded and poking from the pocket. But what you’re really interested in is his face, his eyes growing wider and glossier the longer he looks at you.

“Hermosa, you…you’re beautiful,” Frankie says, awestruck.

“You’re just figuring that out?” You say behind a smile.

“No, I mean I always knew but…wow.”

He walks up to you and cups your cheek, running his thumb across it as Olivia hisses something about makeup from the corner of the room. But you couldn’t care less. Frankie was here, marrying you. This is all you’ve dreamt of for well over 10 years. A tear runs down Frankie’s cheek and you wipe it away.

“Are you ok?”

He sniffs and smiles. “I’m the best I’ve felt in a long time. I just…I only wish we would’ve done this sooner.”

“We did. We got married in the courthouse, remember?” 

He smiles at you. “I meant more that we never…that we stayed together since that first kiss.”

“Me too. But we can’t dwell on what-ifs. We can only think about the here-and-nows.”

Frankie tips your chin up and presses a light kiss to your lips, the clicks from the camera going crazy. You pose for photos for several minutes before Olivia ushers everyone from the room, winking at you when she says she’ll give you 10 minutes of alone time before she came to get you. The second the door closes, Frankie pushes his tongue in your mouth, pulling you as close as he can. 

“I can’t mess this dress up, Frankie,” You say pouting.

“That’s ok. I can work with that.” Frankie grips your hips and spins you around, bending you over the back of the chair and clasping a hand to your mouth as he takes you, your hands desperately trying to reach behind you to pull him in closer. 

15 minutes later, Olivia knocks on the door and enters hesitantly, smirking when she sees you smoothing down your dress, Frankie’s face more pink than when she had left. 

“It’s time,” she says, tossing her thumb over her shoulder and looking at Frankie pointedly. He turns to you and kisses your cheek.

“See you out there?”

“Raging sharks couldn’t keep me away.” 

He kisses you once more before Olivia starts clearing her throat. When he straightens up a curl falls on his forehead and you softly push it back to where it was, feeling Frankie’s eyes on you the entire time. He opens the door and looks outside befire turning back to you. 

“Your gift is here.”

“You don’t have to get me a gift, Frank-”

Santi walks through the door, dressed in a nice tux and smiling from ear to ear. You hadn’t seen him since the day he confessed his love for you and you had missed him terribly. Frankie was your best friend, but Santi was a close second and you’d hated the idea of getting married without him there.

“Santi?”

“Hey, Hermosa.”

You catch a glimpse of Frankie’s smile before he closes the door as you wrap your arms around Santi, feeling him squeeze you back just as hard. Separating a few moments later, you dab under your eyes as you try to choke back tears. 

“If I smudge my makeup, Olivia may kill me.”

Santi laughs. “She’s Benny’s girl, right? She’s perfect for him.”

“She’s really great…but how are you here?”

“I uh…Frankie called me a few weeks ago and told me…well, everything. I’m sorry I was screening my calls, Hermosa. I just…I needed time.”

“I understand. But…you’re here now! Are you ok?”

“I’m doing alright, Hermosa. Actually, pretty good.”

“You’ll have to tell me all about her.”

He laughs. “I will. But uh, hey - do you need a Man of Honor? If…if that would…be ok?”

“I would love to have to as my Man of Honor! But…Benny already agreed and I don’t know how to tell him -”

Santi waves his hand. “Benny was in on this. He knows and already said it was ok with him as long as you wanted it.”

Your eyes go wide. “Wait. Benny knew you were coming and he didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah.”

You gasp. “That bitch!”

Santi laughs his hardest yet. “So…”

“Let’s go, Man of Honor.”

The next thing you know, Frankie’s kissing you, everyone whooping and cheering, Aurelia throwing more flower petals into the air as they announce “Mr. and Mrs. Morales.” The rest of the night was like a blur, between photos and eating, first dances and cake, you barely had time to sit until things started to wind down long into the night. When you tried to help clean up, Olivia literally slapped your hand away and glared at you.

“Absolutely not. Benny!” He walks over and play groans when she says she’s recruited him to help clean up. She pretends to twist his nipple when he starts to complain and he yelps, high pitched and smiling as they play fight for a few moments before he gives in, grabbing plates and stacking them to wash. 

Frankie looks exhausted and he’s limping a little, so you beg him to not carry you over the threshold. “You did that when we got courthouse married.”

“Yeah but-”

“No. I’m not having you throw your hip out on our wedding day. Not from this.”

He chokes and smiles, giving in, a dark twinkle in his eye. “Alright. If you insist.” But by the time you’d made it upstairs and gotten your clothes off, both of you were too exhausted to do much of anything aside from a shower and literally fall into bed. But Frankie made up for lost time the next morning, waking you with what he claims was already your third orgasm of the day, his curls mussed up from being buried between your legs. He presses his body to yours, swallowing your whimpers before he adds his own, hips shaking with release. 

You spend your honeymoon at the Miller family cabin upstate, the only clothing you wear being one of Frankie’s shirts and sometimes his hat, which drives him wild. He celebrates another sobriety milestone while there, smiling wide at your praise. When you get back home, you can see he has an extra pep in his step, always a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, always wanting to touch you, whether a hand to your wrist, a touch to your lower back, or a smack on your ass, chuckling as you yelp and smack him back. When you ask him why he looks exceptionally happy, he credits you. “I finally got the girl of my dreams, the love of my life.”

—-

Frankie and you settle into a comfortable routine. You were no strangers to living together, the adjustment taking no time at all. Life goes on as normal, except now, you get to live it with Frankie, no longer separated by a stupid argument, misconceptions, or a bitch of an ex wife. This was exactly where you were meant to be. 

Several months later, Frankie follows you into the family restroom at Target, slinging your purse over his shoulder as he rifles through the bag of stuff you’d just purchased.

“Pink dye first, right?” He asks, raising his eyebrows as he looks at you.

“Yeah. They’re more accurate supposedly.” 

Frankie tears open the box and studies the directions, as if he hadn’t done this several times already. He opens one of the sticks and hands it to you, turning around to give you a little privacy. 

“Start the timer,” you say as you zip up your pants. Frankie hits go on his timer and turns to face you, a pregnancy stick held face down in your hand. He can see your nerves, your worry and concern on your face.

“It’ll be ok, Hermosa.”

“Yeah I know. But what if it isn’t?”

“It will be-”

“We’ve been trying for months, Frankie. I know the OB said to try for a year before fertility testing but-”

Frankie walks up to you and pulls you to him, applying a gentle pressure as he hugs you close, kissing the side of your head. “If it’s negative, then we keep trying, ok? It hasn’t been a year yet and sometimes these things take time.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Will told me that it took them months to conceive Liam. And they were trying too. Just…breathe. In….out…”

You breathe with him for a few breaths. “You always were annoyingly calm in a crisis.”

He smiles. “Wouldn’t help to freak out behind the joystick.” 

You open your mouth to reply, but his timer cuts you off. Your mouth jams shut, nerves taking over your body as Frankie holds your gaze. 

“If it says negative, we can keep trying. Remember that. I love you no matter what, Hermosa.” You nod, taking a deep breath. “Ready?”

“Ready.” You flip the test over and look, 2 bright pink lines staring back at you. Tears immediately fall as you laugh, turning the test around to show Frankie, who yells, grabbing you up in his arms and hugging you tightly. He kisses you for a moment, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“I fucking love you, Hermosa.”

“I love you, Frankie.”

He yanks the door open and whoops loudly, people turning to look at him as you follow him out of the bathroom. 

“I’m going to be a father again!” He pumps his fists in the air, smiling from ear to ear as people cheer, clapping and congratulating you as they finish their purchases, one older couple handing you a gift card on their way out, telling you to spoil that baby. 

—-

Frankie was hesitant at first with your pregnancy, despite being so supportive and actually wanting a child with you. A couple months in, you finally ask him why he seems afraid to touch you, that you won’t break. He finally confesses to you that when Elizabeth was pregnant, she did nothing but yell at him, belittling him and wouldn’t let him touch her at all, not her belly, not even to rub her back or feet. She called him horrible names and would blame it on the hormones. Your heart breaks for him and you have no words. Well, you have words but they aren’t nice ones. Instead, you sit next to him on the bed, leaning back onto one arm, and take his hand with the other, gently placing it on your lower belly. His eyes light up as he looks at your tiny for the moment bump, tears welling in his eyes as he brings his other hand up to take the other side. He pulls your shirt up just enough to see your belly skin, giving it a tiny kiss.

“Hey, little one. You grow strong in there and don’t give your mom too much of a hard time.”

From then on, Frankie is all in. Whatever you need, he gets it, even if it’s a ridiculous request at 3am. He’s constantly touching your growing belly, talking to it as much as you do. He finds Aurelia’s old crib in the attic, a few boxes of baby stuff and a bassinet up there as well. He sets up the nursery under your instruction, letting Aurelia help with the decorations when she comes on the weekends. You decide to wait to find out the sex of the baby, thinking it would be something fun to do. So instead you call it “Bean”.

“Think Bean will like this?” Frankie asks, pointing to a baby swing. 

“They might, but Frankie, that swing is nearly $150. We can’t afford that.”

His shoulder’s slump but he agrees. “Maybe we can check the thrift shop. It’s the one thing Will didn’t toss our way.”

He was there for all of the classes too, birthing ones, breathing ones, even the hypnobirthing ones. He signed up for a “birthing partners” class, learning the best ways to support you not just during labor and delivery, but during the 4th trimester, or immediately postpartum. He helped you practice your meditations, making sure you had everything you needed and that you remember to take your prenatal and drink enough water. 

When you’re 8 months pregnant, getting winded from walking down the hall, Frankie gets a call from his boss at Flyboyz on his day off, asking him to come in. He grabs his hat and gives you a quick kiss before leaving, reminding you to drink water. He’d been working a lot lately, trying to make extra money so he can stay home with you and the baby for the first month. You’re not sure how long he’ll be gone, so you plop yourself down on your bed, pulling over the basket of baby clothes that still have to be sorted and you get to work, separating the sizes, long sleeve vs short, nightgowns from onesies. A couple hours later, the front door opens and Frankie slams it behind him, the picture frames rattling on the walls. You set aside the footie pajamas you were folding and go to stand up, but Frankie comes storming into the bedroom before you can move, anger coming off of him in waves.

“Frankie?”

He yanks his hat from his head, tossing it onto his dresser, knocking some things off of it. “I can’t fucking believe her!”

Struggling a little, you manage to get up and cross the room to him, placing your hand on his mid back. He recoils, anger flashing in his eyes but it’s not directed at you. Unsure of what happened, you know he needs to calm down before he can tell you. You grab an ice cube out of your glass of water and turn to Frankie.

“Give me your hand.”

He looks at you, eyebrow raised. “What?”

“Just do it.”

He stares at you for a moment before shoving his hand out. You flip it palm up, opening his fingers and place the ice cube in his palm. He yelps, but you hold his hand firmly so he won’t drop the ice.

“What the fuck, Hermosa?”

“The cold will help reset your nervous system.”

“I don’t think- it’s too fucking cold, Hermosa.”

“Just another few seconds.”

His chest, which had been heaving a moment ago, has slowed down, the anger still there but at a manageable level. You tip his hand and grab the falling ice into your own palm, putting it in the sink in the bathroom before coming back to the bed and trying to sit on it. Frankie is there, taking your hand and helping you into bed. He goes to stand but you squeeze his hand and pull him until he sighs, sitting on the edge, his shoulders slumped.

“How do you feel?”

“Fucking angry, but…the edge is gone. Ice…who fucking knew?”

“So..may I ask what happened?”

His eyes darken with repressed outrage. “I thought I was getting extra work. Instead, my pilot’s license has been suspended, pending a review.”

You sit up quickly, eyes going wide. “What??”

He nods, his jaw clenching. “Apparently, someone made a claim that I was using when I flew some clients and now they have to investigate.”

You knew that Frankie had been clean over a year, that he wasn’t using at all. “Oh, Frankie. Wait..who made the claim?”

He looks at you. “It was anonymous but I know it was Elizabeth.” He says her name with absolute disgust and hate that you nearly pull back from him. 

“Elizabeth? Would she-”

“Oh come on, Hermosa. You don’t think it was her? I’ve been clean for well over a year. She’s the only one who would have known that I used that would make claims.”

“What about Rick?”

Frankie shakes his head. “Nah. He left Flyboyz while you were…out of town. I told him he had to leave or I would report him for selling. He started to threaten to bring me down with him, but then remembered you were…not in my life and he could see the rock bottom in me, I guess. So he backed off, just left to go elsewhere. There’s no way it’s him. It’s her. It’s always her causing shit. I’m so fucking sick of it!”

Placing a hand on his back, you start to rub it, adding in little scratches here and there like he likes. “She is a bitch.”

“I just got my license back. I worked so hard on that.” He puts his face in his hands, resting his elbows on his legs. You scoot towards him wrapping your arm around him. 

“I know you did. But you said suspended? That doesn’t mean revoked, right?”

He shakes his head. “No, it doesn’t.”

“So…what does it mean?”

“It means, I can’t fly until it’s reinstated. I have to pee in a cup at random times during the week for 6 months to prove I’m clean before they will lift the suspension.”

“Well there you go!”

He looks up at you, his eyebrows pulling together. “There I go, what? We can’t afford for me to not have this income, Hermosa.”

“We’ll be ok-”

“You’re about to have a baby. Your income won’t happen for a bit, and that’s fine, but we needed this extra money and now I can’t provide that. All because of my bitch of an ex!”

“Frankie, we’ll be ok. If we have to borrow money, we can.”

“I’m not borrowing money.”

“Fine. Then I will borrow it.”

“No, I’ll…I’ll figure something out.”

“Frankie-”

“Just…can we just stop for tonight? I’m trying to process this.”

You open your mouth to argue but then see the exhausted look on his face. “Sure. Why don’t you come talk to us? That always makes you feel better.”

Leaning back against the headboard, you watch as Frankie scoots up the bed, getting level with your belly as you turn on your side so you’re not being squished. He chats to the baby for a while, about everything and nothing and by the time he’s done, his shoulders are relaxed and he’s not as angry anymore. 

Elizabeth never fully admits to being the one to make the claim, but you see the look on her face through the car window when you make your next exchange for Aurelia after Frankie confronts her and you know she did it. There’s nothing you can say or do except wait it out. Frankie getting his license back will be all the revenge you’ll need.

—---- (Skip to the next line if you don’t want to read about labor. It’s not terribly graphic at all, but I know it’s not everyone’s thing)-------

“I never thought I’d have to beg you to have sex with me!” You stomp your foot, furious that Frankie won’t follow the doctor’s advice. 

It had been a few weeks since his license was revoked and you were a week past your due date and not happy about it.

“Hermosa, I don’t-”

“Want to hurt me, I know, I know. But the midwife even said that sex is the best way to induce labor because of the prostaglandins in your semen.”

“You make it sound so sexy.”

“Frankie,” you pinch the bridge of your nose, taking a deep sigh. “I am the size of a house. I am miserable and sweaty and I haven’t seen my feet in months and I just want to have this baby already. If it’s my belly, I can turn around-”

“You are fucking gorgeous.”

“Then please?”

Frankie studies you for a long moment, his shoulders starting to slump and that’s when you knew you had him. “Alright, fine. We can try it. But we’re going slow, taking our time, ok?”

“No arguments here.”

Contractions started within an hour of Frankie cumming inside of you. You weren’t sure at first what you were feeling, but it sort of felt like a bad period cramp, so you assumed this must be it. Frankie timed them all for you, helping you breathe as they got more intense and closer together, and when they were close enough apart, Frankie helped you to his truck and drove to the hospital. In between contractions, you watched him as he drove, expertly winding his way through traffic, a look of focus on his face, a little furrow between his brow the only indication that this was not a normal day behind the wheel. How lucky you were to have this man, who can be calm in stressful situations, want to spend his life with you. 

“What?” Frankie glances sideways at you before turning back to the road.

“You’re cute when you focus.”

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Remember how cute I am when you’re in transition.”

Before you know it, you’re in a labor and delivery room, barely spending any time in triage before they whisked you away. Hospitals can be a frustrating place to have a baby. Each nurse walks in and tells you to rest between contractions, try to get some sleep when you can, but then a new nurse comes along within an hour, always rousing you from sleep to take your blood pressure or put their fingers where you didn’t want them. You’d finally had enough of the latter and told a nurse to kindly fuck off, and denied internal exams unless it was a medical emergency. Frankie was by your side the entire labor, putting counter pressure on your hips when you needed it, pulling your hair from your face, sneaking you snacks because they forbid food and you said you’d chomp off your own fingers if they didn’t let you eat. Transition was hard, but all of a sudden, you knew it was time to push. Following your body, you get on all fours, taking your calming breaths, but then realizing that Frankie was not next to you. Turning your head, you see him, wide eyed and backing towards the door.

“I’ll just-” He points his thumb over his shoulder at the door.

“No, please. I need you here with me.” Another contraction has you breathing again and it’s a minute before he replies.

“You want me here?”

“Yes. I need you, Frankie.” 

His eyes start to water over and it doesn’t occur to you then, but later that night it’l come to you - he wasn’t trying to dodge out of the delivery. He was having a flashback to when Elizabeth kicked him out of the room right when Aurelia was making her way into the world, and your heart hurt all over again. Frankie is at your side in an instant, turning to yell for the nurse who had surprisingly not come in for some random check.

“No time!” You yell, letting out a low groan, a technique you learned to help move baby down and out. Frankie’s face slides into focus mode and he moves behind you, just in time to catch the baby as it comes sliding out. He gathers the baby up, holding it close as it screams into the world. The nurse comes running in then, having heard the baby crying as you turn onto your back, arms outstretched to hold your baby, skin to skin.

“Baby is here! I didn’t even know you were transitioning! You were pretty quiet.”

The nurse bustles around and does her thing while Frankie transfers the baby to your bare chest. Tears stream down your face as you look at Frankie, who has tears of his own. He kisses the top of your head. “I am so proud of you, Hermosa.”

A few moments pass, the baby calming against your chest. “Hey Frankie? Is the baby a boy or girl?”

He slaps his hand to his forehead. “I forgot to look! I was so focused on catching the baby and whether it was breathing and not dropping it that I don’t think I looked! Here.” He lifts the hip of the baby and smiles.

“We have a son. I have a son!”

—---No more labor/delivery details—---

Luis Christian Francisco Morales was born perfect. 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, skin glowing. He was the perfect combination of you both, although you say he favors Frankie mostly. 

You both settle into your roles as new parents, a lot of it being new to Frankie too, since Elizabeth had denied him so much. He was determined to not miss out on things this time, making sure you both had everything you needed and watching Luis when he stayed awake between feeds so you could have a nap. Aurelia cries the first time she sees Luis, big ugly sobs, and when Frankie finally calms her down enough to ask what’s wrong, she simply says “He…he’s…s-so so cute!” She happily takes up the mantle of “Big Sister” when she’s with you. Once, you wake from your nap only to find all 3 of them sleeping, Luis curled up on Frankie’s broad chest, Aurelia tucked onto his other side. You snap a photo and then quietly leave the room, taking the time to actually shower. 

About a month in, Frankie comes back from dropping Aurelia with her mom. His eyebrows were pulled together in confusion as he stares down at his phone.

“Everything ok?” You ask, shifting the bottle you were feeding Luis with so it was a better angle.

“Yeah. Uh…Santi just texted me.”

“Oh yeah? Everything ok?”

“Uh..he says congrats on Luis, that he’s the cutest, and that he was out of service for a bit and he’s sorry he didn’t text earlier.”

“That’s ok. I know he’s busy.”

Frankie is quiet for a moment. “He offered me some work.”

“Work?”

“Well, not just me. Benny, Will, and Tom too.”

“What kind of work?” When he doesn’t answer, you look up at him. He kicks his shoes off and sits next to you on the couch. 

“Consulting.” His eyes don’t meet yours, focusing instead on his fingers, where he starts to pick at the skin around his nails.

“Consulting.” You say in disbelief. 

“Yeah.”

“Wait, like a mission?”

Frankie shrugs. “No? I mean, it’s just scoping out a place and looking for weaknesses. We give our report to the government he works with and then come back. Easy peasy.” 

“If it’s so easy peasy, why aren’t you looking at me?”

He takes a deep breath and let’s it out slowly before looking at you. “It’s for a week. Just trying to find holes in a fence.”

“And why do they need you?”

“They need a pilot.”

“You don’t have your license.”

“It probably doesn’t matter over there.”

“Frankie, I don’t-”

“I’ts $17k, Hermosa. We need the money.”

“I don’t like it. So much can go wrong. Who’s house is it? Definitely no one that’s a stand up citizen. What happens if they find you first? No, I don’t like it.”

“Just..he’s coming to town tomorrow and we’re going to chat about it at Benny’s fight. Let me ask some more questions.”

“I don’t like it, Frankie.”

“I know. Just..let me talk to Pope.”

—----

It’s late the next night and you start to pace the floor of your bedroom, wondering when he’ll be back. He’d texted you to tell you Benny had won the fight and they were stopping at the bar for a quick drink before Olivia takes him home to play nurse. 

That had been 2 hours ago.

The door finally opens downstairs and you quietly make your way to the kitchen, where you were hearing Frankie move around. 

“Did I wake you?”

You shake your head. “I was awake. Luis is asleep.”

“Good, good. He go down ok?”

“Yeah, actually in his bassinet, but Frankie? How did it go?” 

He gets a glass of water, chugging half of it before setting the glass down on the counter. “It’s just a recce. No live fire.”

“There’s a possibility of people shooting at you??”

“I mean, we are casing a place. It’s always possible if guards see you or-”

“No.”

He looks at you. “Hermosa, we need the money.”

“No.”

“I don’t have a job. We need this.”

“No money is worth your life, Frankie. None of your lives.”

“I won’t be in any major danger. I’ve done worse.”

“Yeah but you didn’t have a family then.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“No. No, I don’t like this, no.”

Frankie puts his hands on his hips, cocking one hip back as he looks at you. “We’re behind on bills.”

“So? I’ll borrow some money and you can stay.”

“Hermosa-”

“Or I can get another job? A new client. I can-”

“You just had a baby, so no.”

“Then I can-”

“Hermosa.” He says it firmly, that hip still cocked back as his eyes find yours, resolve in them.

“You’ve…you’ve already said yes, haven’t you?”

His tongue comes out to swipe across his bottom lip. “We leave Thursday.”

Silence stretches between you both as you stare at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe you made that decision without me.”

“I made the decision for us. We need the money.”

“Oh, fuck you and the money! I said I could borrow it. You’re just being stubborn!”

“I’m taking responsibility! We needed money and this just happens to come our way? I have to take it.”

“So you’re saying it’s fate that Santi texted you to lure you down there with the promise of $17k? You’re telling me that it’s just consulting and nothing else? Can you promise me that?”

He shrugs. “That was the original deal.”

“But can you promise me?”

He studies you for a moment, his eyes lingering on yours. “I’m going, Hermosa.”

And with that, you turn on your heel and walk out of the kitchen, closing the door behind you, wishing you could slam it. 

The next couple days were torture. You kept trying to convince Frankie to stay, convince all of them to stay. You didn’t want any of them going. But they all said the same thing that Frankie said. “It’s just consulting.” Thursday morning, Tom comes to pick up Frankie pretty early. He leans over to kiss you in bed and you take one more shot at trying to get him to stay. Your fingers wind into his curls as you pull him to you, deepening the chaste kiss he had started. 

“You can still stay,” you say, your voice barely a whisper.

“I’ll be back in a week, Hermosa. I love you.”

Tears streaming down your face, you reply. “I love you too. Please don’t die. Don’t any of you die.”

Frankie chuckles. “We’ll be fine. I’ll call you in a couple of days once we’re settled, ok?”

—----

Except, Frankie did not call in a couple of days. Neither did any of the others, nor had they reached out to Stacy, Molly, or Olivia. There was no one to call, no contact. They needed it that way for whatever consultation they were on. Stacey brought the kids over and Olivia came too, all of you opting to stay together and support each other at least during the day. As the few days stretched into a week, which stretched into nearly another, Olivia split her time between you and Stacy’s, offering to watch the kids so you each could have a moment to yourselves. She was at Stacy’s tonight, Luis snuggled and tucked in beside you as you channel surf the tv, landing on nothing in particular. It was day 10 and about 2am so all of the infomercials were on. You landed on one for some random kitchen gadget when your phone rings. You jump, grabbing for your phone to quickly hit the silent button before it wakes Luis. It was an unknown number, but definitely foreign and so you pick up right away.

“Frankie?”

“Hermosa,” he breathes a sigh of relief, his voice wavering on the last syllable of your name. 

“Are you ok? Is everyone alright? Fuck, I’ve been terrified out of my mind.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Things got…out of hand. I can explain more when I get home.”

“I understand. But you’re ok?”

“I’m ok. A little banged up but ok.”

“Everyone else?”

The way he’s silent has your throat closing up, making it difficult to speak. “Frankie?”

“It’s Tom.”

While Tom and you never were best friends, there’s no way you would’ve wished death on the man, nor would you have wanted to have his girls without a father. 

—----

Frankie’s mom takes Luis while you drive to the airport, there to pick up Frankie as Olivia and Stacy were going to get Benny and Will. You had experienced all of the emotions these past 10 days, mostly anger and fear, but when you heard his voice, a part of you caved. You just wanted him home and were grateful that he was alive.

You spot Benny first, towering over a majority of the crowd as people file out security and head towards baggage claim. Then you see it - a dark blue standard heating oil cap bobbing next to Benny and suddenly, you’re running, pushing people out of the way as you run towards him, Frankie seeing you at the last moment, dropping his bag to gather you in his arms, burying his face in your hair. Olivia and Stacy copy your actions, Will hissing when Stacy throws her arms around him. He mutters “I’m ok.” before pulling her to him. Pulling back, you look up into Frankie’s black brown eyes, taking in all the features of his face, his laugh lines, the spot where his one dimple pops up, the fact that he had the audacity to shave his beard. 

“You shaved,” you said simply, running a finger along his jawline.

“Yeah. But I’ll grow it back just for you.”

His lips crash to yours, his hands cupping the sides of your face as you press your body against his, fingers twisting in his shirt. 

“I’m still mad at you,” you breathe out between kisses.

“Fair enough.”

Hugs were exchanged all around before everyone went to their homes. On the drive home, Frankie tells you everything, how it was just a consult but then they decided to try and do it themselves, how it would’ve all been fine if they hadn’t missed their window, or if Tom had listened when he said it was too much weight for the helicopter. 

“Wait..you crashed?” 

“Yeah. It was just a little crash.”

“Frankie!”

“It’s me. I landed us…mostly fine. We all walked away.”

He explains about the money and the people from the village, and how they had to trek up the fucking Andes mountains and down the other side. How a young man from the village had wanted revenge and got it, dying himself in the process. How they carried Tom down the side of the mountain, leaving a ton of money there, only to make it to safety and come back with a new chopper to get the money and safely make it back in a whole other country, which is where he called you from. By the end of the story you’re silent, tears quietly falling down your face as you realize how easily they all could’ve died on the side of those mountains. How one of them did. 

“We each put about $5mil in a trust fund for Tom’s girls, made sure Molly was taken care of. It’s what Tom would’ve wanted and it’s…it’ll never be enough.”

“Hey,” you squeeze his thigh and he looks at you, tears on his cheeks. “You are not to blame. Every one of you knew what you were doing, knew there were risks. And while I can’t say who shot first as I wasn’t there, Frankie, it was self defense. And, I’m sorry, but knowing you and knowing Tom? I’d bet money on him shooting first.”

Frankie nods. “Yeah I guess so…. are you mad at me still?”

“I was all prepared to be so pissed at you, but honestly? I’m just glad to have you here and alive.”

Frankie spends the next hour between your legs and you spend the hour after that washing his hair and tending to his arguably minor wounds. Once you were clean and dressed, you made him something to eat, as you’d have to go get Luis shortly. When you set his glass of water down, he grips your wrist, pulling you into his lap.

“How are you feeling? Do you need to call your sponsor?”

He shakes his head. “Surprisingly, no. I think I’m just so grateful to be alive. And there’s one more thing.”

“What?” You ask nervously.

Frankie leans in closer, speaking low in your ear. “We got the rest of the money.”

“The $17k?” You said stupidly.

Frankie smiles and shakes his head. “A lot more than $17k.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“Millions, Hermosa. Each. Millions. We’re set for life, as are Luis and Aurelia.”

“Can we stay here?”

Frankie chuckles. “What?”

“I don’t want some giant mansion. I want to stay here. In our house.”

Frankie smiles and kisses you lightly. “We can do whatever you want to.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Besides take care of my family?”

“Besides that.”

“Once I get my license reinstated, I want to start my business.” His eyes light up as he talks about it, how he had already looked into getting retired choppers, and had gathered up some possible contacts, even scouted out some property. The only thing that had stopped him was the money, which was no longer an issue. 

—----

6 months later, Frankie’s license gets reinstated, the owner clapping him on the shoulder and apologizing for everything. A month later, Frankie opens Chopperz, his veteran owned and operated helicopter tour business. It’s a instant success - apparently people really want to experience flying in various retired military equipment being flown by actual veterans. He even has repeat customers, although a lot of them are women and you catch more than one of them blushing when he talks to them. 

Will and Stacy build a new house, much bigger to fit their expanding family, ecstatic that they were finally having a girl. He quits giving speeches almost immediately, staying home with his family and helping Frankie out when he needs it. 

Benny and Olivia confessed that they had actually gotten married the day after Benny’s last fight, not able to wait any longer. When he came home, they took off to travel the world while their dream house was being built just down the road from Frankie and Will. 

Santi went to Australia to find Yovanna and her brother, following them around until they got settled. He and Yovanna stayed together for a while, and he took some time for himself, wandering the world to see things when he wasn’t in a uniform. He eventually came back, building a house down the road from Frankie and the Millers. But to his first get together with everyone, he brought a girl, which wouldn’t have surprised anyone, but you could see the way he looked at her, constantly touching her lightly, pressing kisses to her head, shoulder, lips, anywhere he could. And she was doing the same, her eyes lighting up every time they looked at each other, so when you asked him later, away from everyone else, he scratches the back of his neck and admits that he thinks she’s the one, that she gets him, understands him, and doesn’t give a flying fuck about his money, which she didn’t even know about until now.  

Frankie and you were finally happy, after all these years. Elizabeth finally stopped her shit, leaving you and Frankie to be happy and only communicating when it regards Aurelia. Instead of moving, you decide to expand your house, adding another couple of bedrooms because you want to eventually expand your family. Frankie is beyond happy, smiling at Luis and Aurelia as they run around their new treehouse in the backyard, feeling you wrap your arms around him from behind, kissing his broad back before moving to stand next to him, his arm around your shoulder as you both watch your kids.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask, turning your head up to him.

“How happy I am. How I wish we had started this all sooner, that it didn’t take such a shitty road to get here, and that it didn’t take us this long.”

You reach up and cup his face, pulling him to you as you kiss him, his soft lips lightly nibbling at yours. 

“I’ll always wait for you, Frankie.”

—----  

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[hotdaemondtargaryen]

OLIVIA COOKE INTERVIEWED FOR FLAUNT MAGAZINE.

Waiting just beyond reality’s gauzy guardians, the other world lies just under the duvet in the throes of school night darkness: a library book stuffed under a pillow, a cave of blankets, thrilling stalactites of story to be illuminated by a covert flashlight.

That’s how Olivia Cooke remembers her induction into the fantastical, anyway.

“Reading all night, and then sobbing into my pillow at 4am—audibly—with my mum shouting at me to go to sleep.”

Cooke isn’t taking any breaks—she’s already working on a new project with Robin Wright, psychological thriller The Girlfriend, set to be released through Amazon Prime Video.

The actor has a propensity for vivifying characters to the fullest extent regardless of medium or genre:

“I am picky,” she tells me about the breadth of her work,

“But I’m just not exclusive.”

WHAT IS IT THAT AUDIENCES LOVE SO MUCH ABOUT MUTILATION AND POWER, ABOUT CREATUREHOOD AND POLITICS IN WESTEROS, THE LAND UPON WHICH GAME OF THRONES AND HOUSE OF THE DRAGON IS SET?

Cooke muses, people are fascinated with the idea of escape—an out that the Game of Thrones franchise has certainly provided to an anxious, overworked public.

She ponders further, positing:

“We as humans want to feel like we’re giants and godlike creatures who can tame a beast like a dragon. Maybe it’s this innate feeling in us of the need to conquer."

“God, especially the fucking Brits.” [She laughs]

“What does that say about us?”

I ASK COOKE IF THE EXCITEMENT SURROUNDING THE SERIES—PARTICULARLY THE QUESTIONS SHE (GLADLY) FIELDS ABOUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP—HAD MADE ANY IMPACT ON THE WAY SHE FRAMES HER OWN RELATIONSHIPS?

“I don’t think that the show has necessarily made me reevaluate friendship.”

“I just think that with the age that I am at now, getting into a new decade, I’ve prioritized my friendships in a different way.”

“I think that, especially in culture, [friendship] sort of takes the backseat.”

“You’re meant to prioritize romantic relationships and familial relationships in your life, but friendships feel deeper and everlasting in a sense.”

WE APPROACH THE SUBJECT OF POWER—THE TIMES WHERE IT'S APPROPRIATE TO KEEP IT, THE TIMES WHERE IT'S APPROPRIATE TO DELEGATE:

“I think it’s always better to relinquish power when you recognize wisdom.”

“Relinquish unhelpful power, whether that be insecurity or ego, when you are confronted with someone who has more lived experience or is just more knowledgeable in said field.” Duly noted.

Cooke feels the most powerful, though, when she’s surrounded by friends, going on walks listening to a well-curated playlist, or when she really finds the music in a particular scene.

Though she doesn’t make music herself, there is a symphonic quality to her acting—it’s the same sort of kinetic energy governed by a discernible rhythm that makes any sort of artistic output worthwhile.

“It’s all sort of coming from the vulnerable prism of you, isn’t it? Any sort of creative endeavor.”

OLIVIA COOKE MAKES A PLAYLIST FOR EVERY CHARACTER SHE'S EVER PLAYED—SAVE FOR ALICENT.

She claims she “doesn’t know why,” but one might suspect tracks for the Alicent playlist wouldn’t be readily accessible on any sort of streaming platform...

Perhaps a Gregorian chant or a live recording of a knife being sharpened on a hot stone would be more appropriate.

ACROSS ALL CREATIVE MEDIUMS, ACTING OR OTHERWISE.

Cooke adds that she’s “trying to nurture that spark of vulnerability and not shy away from it is quite important.”

“We’re so mannered now— especially the English—so repressed in that sense. We still have this culture of having a very stiff upper lip in the face of adversity and real emotion and grief.”

“To be able to play those emotions in a really intense way—but in a very safe environment—feels very cathartic, and it’s an opportunity to push yourself to those limits and see, as an experiment, what your body does and how you would react in those moments.”

“You’re always trying to find the truth in it.”

Cooke likes to dive into characters (the tender, damaged Lou, the cystic fibrosis patient Emma Decody, the terror-stricken Laine Morris, the ever-vengeful Alicent)

“Because of this exploration of truth, but also because she’s really nosy and curious.”

“I want to dive deep into who [these characters] are... I think that is the most wonderful part of [the] job, that we get to live all these lives in one life if we’re lucky.”

Olivia Cooke speaks with a diction nearly impossible to not listen to. Her outwardly energetic parlance and melodic speak might be the recipe for a certain viral video involving a beverage choice.

SHE COMES FROM A THEATER BACKGROUND, AND WHEN ASKED ABOUT A CLAIM SHE MADE A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK IN WHICH SHE POSITED SHE MIGHT BE MORE CUT OUT FOR TV THAN THEATER BECAUSE OF THE REQUISITE “BIG FACIAL MOVEMENTS OR BIG ARM GESTURES.”

“It’s so awful, isn’t it? Just like...What a cocky little twat! No, I’d love to do theater [again].”

“That girl does not know what she’s talking about. Bless her,” she says, still giggling.

“Sometimes the things I’ve said get repeated back to me and I’m like, ‘God knows...’ because usually I am just making stuff up in the moment.”

IS THERE ANYTHING MORE TO LIFE, THOUGH, THAN THE MOMENT?

She finds herself hoping that, in her golden years (if she’s not senile), she reflects on this present moment aglow with new work and long friendships and internet memeage—with fondness.

“I would like to remember, despite all the constant worrying, that I had a lot of fun.”

“I allowed myself to have a lot of fun. You can indulge, you’re not going to be smited. You can enjoy this time. It’s not going to go away just because you had a nice time.”

Though being smote is perhaps the most terrifying thing any actor or civilian might experience by most standards.

There are other, more tangible things that scare Cooke: Laziness. Inactivity. The vast blankness of dormancy.

“When there’s a bit of a fallow period, that’s when I scare myself with my own thoughts.”

“My mum always says: An idle mind is a devil’s playground. I completely relate to that.”

“When I’m not generating, when I don’t feel like I’m working towards something, that can be quite a scary place for me.”

ABOUT HORROR FILMS AND SOME FILMS FROM HER LETTERBOXD.

The horror is not in the hiding, but in the not knowing.

It shows in her work. It shows in her Letterboxd.

“My Letterboxd does veer on the side of the MORE INTENSE.”

“BORDER by Ali Abbasi is one of my favorite films.”

“I love ROSE GLASS.”

“I think SAINT MAUD was incredible.”

“These are really uncomfortable films to watch but incredibly artful ones.”

“The Luca Guadagnino SUSPIRIA as well...”

“[I like] the ones that leave you with such a distinct off kilter feeling after you’ve left the cinema.”

We’re talking, again, about traversing that seam between the worlds of fantasy and reality—that ever-opaque, grotesque sublime that was so easily accessible so many years ago, that ever-thickening border between adulthood and the imagination.

“It’s a bit of a thrill, isn’t it? It’s like being on a roller coaster. That’s the anticipation. That’s the unique selling point. You want that ride.”

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

Hello, I just found your blog and after going through a lot of your posts/asks I completely agree with most of your opinions on HOTD ss2. I also wanted to ask your thoughts on the characterization of Aemond and Aegon this season. With Aemond there were a lot of disappointments for me in how the writer treated his character. I know the two nude scenes caused a lot of mixed opinions, but in my opinion, they were completely unnecessary and didn't contribute much to character building. Like Alicent's 3 sex scenes, I feel like the showrunner is just taking advantage of Olivia/Ewan's popularity. Aemond has very few lines, does not interact with anyone in his family, and we hardly know what he thinks about the events taking place. He is removed from the narrative and we hear about how others think of him rather than knowing what he really thinks. Him becoming a villain left a bad taste in my mouth because of the way the writer stuffed it and forced us to swallow it instead of finding a way to build it up properly. It makes me, an Aemond and Ewan fan, feel sad for effort that Ewan has put in just to receive little screen time and bad writing for the character he cherishes so much. With Aegon, even though I'm not a fan, I found him very interesting right from season 1. And in this part, I think the writer has put in effort to compensate for what is considered to be worsening the character's image. Overall, Aegon in ss2 was received very well and he won the sympathy of the majority of viewers in the fandom. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, ss2 disappointed me a lot and I have very little hope for the second half of the season, but I still look for reviews in the fandom because it's still a highlight for me after every episode.

Good day/night!

The way Aemond has been treated this season is awful indeed. Of all the Green characters he suffered the most (maybe along with Alicent) from the writers attempts (regrettably, successful ones) to divide TG and deprive them of common purpose and pretty much any affection for each other. The scraps of the latter we got (for example, those between Aegon and Helaena) might have gone unnoticed altogether for the majority of the viewers if not for the actors' interviews (and I doubt that many of GA folks have watched those anyway).

It seems that the writers decided to make Aemond into a "lone wolf", so to say: a person who, due to some kind of mix between arrogance and grievances suffered in the past, feels like he doesn't need anyone in this life because 1) everyone he searched love and compassion from failed him, 2) he is utterly confident in his ability to handle every problem that may arise on his own. I personally don't like the concept of Aemond being isolated from his family - but the main issue here IMO is not even the idea itself but the execution. While I'm not a fan of the brothel part either, I believe that those scenes could have fitted into his arc better - if not for the sloppy and neglectful manner in which this arc has been built. Skipping the important bits of Aemond's story (like reaction of his family members to Luke's death), making him indifferent to the murder of Jaehaerys and depriving him of the scenes that could have connected the different points of his emotional and psychological journey (mainly of the scenes with other Greens) - all of it makes it difficult to perceive the different sides his character is supposed to have.

Ultimately, as I see it, both Aemond and Alicent are treated by the show as tools for presenting the audience with the story of Westerosi feminism: the former - to uphold the image of "cruel men", the latter - to paint the image of a victim (who is also kind of responsible for her own suffering at the hands of men because she chose the wrong side).

As for Aegon, he's been the luckiest out of the Green characters storywise - but it doesn't mean that I'm satisfied with the show version of him. Dumbing him down, using him as a way to show how callous and cruel other Greens (specifically Aemond and Alicent) are - that's not the treatment I wanted for one of my favourite characters. I would even go as far as saying that if the Aegon we have seen in the show so far was the only Aegon I knew (without me having any knowledge of either source material or Tom's interviews or participating in fandom) he wouldn't be one of my favourite characters as I simply would have very little interest in him. Once again, in comparison with other Greens he's doing really well, but I can't help but feel that Aegon - and Tom - are also being used to create a character the audience can pity and to have a good shot at the Emmy campaign. And as soon as HBO guys get what they want (or if they don't get it), Aegon might be thrown under the bus just as easily as it already happened to Aemond after he attracted lots of attention to season 1.

To sum it up, the main issue of HotD is that HBO doesn't care for the characters and for the story: it cares for the hype, viewing numbers, reviews and awards. And with this kind of attitude it's difficult to expect any significant improvements in the quality of the show.

[russellsppttemplates]

Olivia and arthur convincing you and George to get a dog for a christmas because you guys are the only mercedes driver without a dog

Note: in one of the first George pieces, I added a little furry friend to their family and then I completely forgot about her, so I'm twisting and bending time a little here

"Why do you want us in the living room "very quick, please"?", George asked, as he quoted his daughter, "and why does it look like mummy knows what this is about and I don't?", he wondered, seeing you and Arthur with the iPad. "Thank you, mummy", your little boy said, kissing your cheek before ushering you to sit next to your husband. "I don't know what's going on, only that they wanted to connect the iPad to the TV", you said, cuddling up to George as you watched the screen.

"Mummy, Daddy, we have an important thing to ask", Arthur stated, grabbing the iPad and making a PowerPoint appear on the TV, "how did you guys make this?", George wondered.

"Mick helped us when Frederik was racing in his place", Olivia quickly assured, "he said we have to swipe - yes, good job, Arthur! Like we were saying, we have a request: we want a puppy!", she cheered.

"Are you surprised that they know how to work with that?", you whispered, "I'm more startled that I wasn't the one to teach them, actually", George snickered back.

"We have a big house, so the puppy can run around anytime she wants", Arthur said as he pointed at a badly taken picture of your garden, "there are four of us, plus Winston, so she'll never be alone and she'll be very loved", he reasoned, showing a picture of your cat playing with Roscoe when you looked after him when Lewis was on vacation.

"Angie is fluffy, and we love fluffy animals, but she's really big, we know that", Olivia noted as Arthur carefully scrolled through the slides, "Roscoe is not so fluffy, but he's tiny and easy to carry around, so", she said as her brother pretended to drumroll on the table, delighting you at their cuteness, "we want a small and fluffy dog, like these!", they yelled as a picture of a caramel cocker spaniel appeared on the screen.

"We are very good at taking care of dogs, and Angie always makes happy noises when she's with us", Arthur pouted, "can we please get a puppy? Pretty please?".

Looking at George, who was still amazed at their skills and perseverance, you took the first say, "we can look into it, but we can't promise anything! A cat is one thing, guys, they're very clean animals and independent, too, and a dog is very different", you nudged George, "I agree with mummy. We'll see about it, okay? We'll give it some time and thought", George smiled as the kids hugged you both, "Also, we give very good hugs, another bonus point!", making you laugh.

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

[mindibindi]

Sometimes Things Just Work Out

Re-watching season 24 of SVU and some shippy themes emerged post-"Blood Out" that I haven't seen commented on, at least on here. So as we all know, Blood Out (24.12) gives us this telling moment:

The VERY NEXT EPISODE, "Intersection" (24.13) opens with a pretty extended proposal scene for what is just the teaser. The couple is played by two very appealing actors who get to establish their history and exchange cute banter, and there are some definite Bensler undertones:

New York is also Elliot and Olivia's city, bringing them together the first time around to fight crime and reuniting them more recently. Their entire relationship has taken place within the city limits. Without it, Elliot might still be back in Italy (or Queens) with Kathy and Olivia would be a single mom with a solid career and 5-star therapy routine. You might think the comparison is a stretch....UNTIL Josh with the cute topknot turns to his wisecracking gf and says she taught him the most important lesson of his life, which is:

Josh proposes, Emma joyfully accepts. But in the car ride home, there is a touch of sadness to their happy moment as Emma invokes her recently deceased sister. In EO terms, this loss could be said to reflect the shadow of Serena Benson, who never got to watch her daughter marry, settle down and have a family with the love of her life. Emma also worries about losing her engagement ring, which she of course does, when disaster quite literally hits them.

I won't go into the crime, which is horrific, but Emma and Josh's reactions are also reflective of Olivia and Elliot. Olivia meets with Emma a couple of times, noting that they seem to love each other very much and assuring Emma that she and Josh will get through this trauma. At their second meet, they discuss the fact that Josh has ghosted Emma and SVU, which...I dunno about anyone else, but that sounds pretty fucking Elliot Stabler to me. Speaking about the loss of Emma's sister, Olivia fills in the blanks with this:

...which is interesting. It implies that Olivia has used that enormous, unhealed wound of Elliot's departure to dwarf and diminish subsequent traumas and, in particular, her assault at the hands of William Lewis. Much like she used her mother's neglect and ultimate abandonment to shield her from feeling the impact of the many professional and personal wounds she experienced during her tenure as Elliot's partner. By using these deep personal wounds, inflicted by the two people most important to her, most loved and formative, she can shield herself from incoming hurts that are less personal, less predictable and less familiar. If so, if holding onto those familiar, formative wounds acts for Olivia as some kind of strange protection, that simultaneously honours those she loves most, then that would explain her resistance to letting go of the hurt Elliot caused when he walked away. Hence, her not being ready for a relationship after two plus decades.

While Emma refuses to give in to the trauma of her attack, Josh, much like Elliot falls into self-pity and self-blame, distancing himself from his fiance:

This whole ep gives "Paternity" vibes, since the couple are hit in much the same way that Olivia and Kathy were, triggering Elliot's chronic catholic guilt. And as the case continues, there's a whole web of marital affairs, because we're working on a theme here. Another EO parallel emerges with Bruno's marriage breakup. After visiting his ex, it's revealed that he drunk-dialled her, only not really cos he wasn't drunk. You know, kind of like Elliot showing up drugged to Olivia's apartment to spill his long withheld, deeply smitten guts. Bruno knows the fault is his and holds out hope for a reconciliation, to which, Liv gives a qualified maybe:

So...Olivia believes in love when it's new and fresh, even believes love can survive massive trauma. Buuuuut she isn't quite so sure of how to change directions on a love that has been heading in one direction for a long time.

The case concludes with a tense confrontation between a cheating wife and her rapist husband: bitter accusations and droll comments ensue. But the happy couple from the beginning survive their trauma and vow to protect one another from then on. The lost engagement ring is returned to Emma (analogous perhaps to the compass necklace that will no doubt return to Olivia at some meaningful point in time). It is at this point that Liv tells them:

Well. That's quite the pivot.

Oh, but wait, Benson ain't done being hopeful about mending fractured relationships yet. Because then she turns to Bruno, who admits that (like Elliot) he wasn't unfaithful (to Olivia). He was just unreachable, unavailable, avoidant. It wasn't a lack of feeling. It was just a lack of action, a lack of courage. Olivia's reply echoes the hope Bruno expressed earlier:

All of this is highly suggestive of Liv either consciously or unconsciously working through what happened at the end of "Blood Out" with Elliot, her questioning her words to him and mulling over his reply. It reflects EO's recent history of fracture and hesitant attempts at mending, despite their counter-productive coping strategies. That last line certainly suggests that she wants to be won back by the love of her life, even if she isn't too sure how to let go of the hurt she's used as a shield for ten plus years. Her changing comments throughout the episode suggest she does believe in love, she believes it can survive the worst traumas imaginable. She has absolute conviction in the possibility, the right even, of victims, survivors and even detectives she barely knows to pursue love and healing, reconciliation and fulfillment. The question is whether she believes in that possibility as strongly for herself and Elliot Stabler.