#we know so little abt him and I'm so conflicted on how to feel abt him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yayll · 3 months ago

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Hiii i hope you're feeling better soon :(( I was wondering if I could request a Dazai x reader fic where the reader has PTSD? Specifically, the beginning of autumn kind of triggers her (sorry if it's a confusing i dunno how to word it lol) Could it be fluff/comfort? Btw I love your writing style so badly so pls tweak the idea if you think it would work better! And no worries if you'd rather pass :33

hii angel i genuinely am sorry that this took me a while! (work and life happened a little more than usual, GOT SICK and barely had time to sit down and write.) it was so ivover but i am fine now thank u so much bub!

i REALLY hope you like this and that it's what u wanted, i've never written someone w PTSD before and i was just rlly hoping i didn't mess this characterization up for ur request ahhh. i had such a nice time writing it and i rlly wanted to explore the impact it could have around reader and dazai and him going out of his way even if it could be a little goofy and sappy to make u feel at least a little better even if u can't talk abt it.

i love uuuu thank u again! <3

~ a little something about Dazai noticing harmful patterns and loving you through them ~

He's been watching you sit by the window for the past half hour as you stare at what seems like the beginning of the new season outside. You were quieter than usual, more withdrawn and jumpy, which could only mean that you weren't sharing something with him- or rather having trouble processing something to the point where you didn't realize he could tell something inside you was on high alert.

Dazai would rather die than see you in such a state, especially during what's supposed to be such an exciting time of the year that's full of the things you usually love to do. Whatever is impeding you from enjoying the leaves falling has to be dealt with the most delicate of methods, but especially with love. If you taught him anything about the past haunting you to the point of mental distress, something he suffered bouts of every now and then when memories made days grow dark, it's that all you need is one person to truly witness you. Just like how you've seen the ugliest parts of him time and time again yet you still look at him with all the stars in the sky, stars he consumes like a black hole waiting to be filled.

Luckily for you, he has an arsenal of things he can try to soothe you with, because he wouldn't be a good detective AND boyfriend if he didn't keep all those context clues in his pocket for a bad day. Mainly though, he was just completely attuned to your every need. You are his happiness, and your wellness isn't up for debate: It's mandatory. He stands up from the loveseat with a deep exhale as he walks over to you, his lips curled in a lazy smile as he tests the waters to see what you could need from him without asking.

"You know, if you stay any more still I could probably paint you like one of those fancy paintings. What do you say, be my model?"

You look over at him from the window, and he can visibly tell you haven't been at ease lately. He suddenly realizes he's just fallen even more in love with you. That there is nothing in this world that could ever let him see you as anything but his heart.

You murmur, a faint smile decorating your serene face.

"Mm, I'm not sure. I don't think I could pose for that long, you know? It would probably be hard to catch my likeness, heh."

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes with a playful smirk. Oh how he wants to lean in and worship your likeness with his loving touch, but he decides to take it easy on the physical affection for now, not until he knows you're feeling up for it. He can be a good boy, something he usually isn't.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being the brave young knight who tries~ Shall we take this outside for better lighting?"

You instantly don't give him a good reaction to that. You shrug, seeming conflicted and unsure of yourself, but unable to really bring yourself to explain with words, something uncharacteristic of you.

No problem! Dazai thinks to himself. If you don't want to go outside, he can bring outside to you in the comfort of home. He'll enhance your safe space, and tailor it to just what you need. He hums, tapping his temple in an exaggerated manner as if he were thinking really hard and when he sees that it gets a small giggle out of you, he knows he's on the right track.

"Hm, I know what we should do instead. Wait here, angel.~"

He disappears into the hallway and you sit there as the sound of cabinets opening and rummaging around fills the air. You smile to yourself, and shake your head at the mental image of Dazai becoming a tornado to find whatever he's looking for right now, hoping he doesn't make too much of a mess. You fidget with your hair, twirling it in between your fingers as you take a deep grounding breath while you wait.

A moment later, he comes back with what seems like art supplies and a ton of mini candlesticks.

He knows you're intrigued when you tilt your head in confusion, but then again that's probably just the confusion... Dazai sets down two canvases along with the candles, flashing you a mischievous grin. If you couldn't process your feelings through words, art was always there! You look over the activities he's laid out for you both, awaiting his silver tongued explanation.

"You know when I want to be the little spoon but I don't say anything?"

You laugh softly, and nod.

"Mhm, you get all moody and weird."

He nods back, a half smile on his face as he rests his hands on his hips. He wants to tell you that the only reason he even knew such intimate luxuries is because you showed him that he's worthy of it, of being loved, but he doesn't say anything. He lets the sweet memories between you swim through his mind as fuel for the day he's trying to create for you. His voice sounds more like he's talking out loud now, lost in a thought..

"You make me moody and weird. You also make me want to grab your soft little face and just..."

He then snaps back to the moment, and his tone picks up.

"... But alas, there is no time to waste! Come, sit, I'll get the other things ready.~"

He zooms off to the kitchen, and your heart softens at how much he fusses over you, though you also hope you aren't being too much. You know he'd hate to hear that, so you simply sit down and look over the supplies you had honestly forgotten you had.

Dazai makes tea, because he knows it helps with your fidgeting and you like how the mug feels in your hands, he also begins to set the candle sticks all over the living room, lighting them one by one. You flash him a look of faint concern.

"Feels like Dracula's castle. You sure this is safe, Osamu?"

He simply grins impishly.

"It's called 'mood lighting', cutie. There is an atmosphere to be created!"

"Yeah, and possibly a wildfire."

"Boo, you're no fun. Besides, that sounds like a problem for future us. We live in the moment."

Dazai would never risk your safety and you know that, which is why you don't push the topic any further.

You two settle in, the candles illuminating you both with a warm flame that feels more comforting than you'd like to admit, you feel yourself becoming more immersed in the random little doodles and brush strokes you create as you both talk for hours about literally nothing while sipping on your tea. Nothing feels nice, for once and Dazai can see it in the way you slowly become less and less tense. So mindful, so beautiful.

After you fill your canvas, you set it down, and peer over at Dazai's.

"What'd you paint?"

He smiles sheepishly, and hides his.

"Not finished yet. No peeking!"

He stands up and in one swift motion, runs outside, while leaving you bewildered at the spontaneity of the situation. A few moments later, he runs back inside, huffing with his arms behind his back. He sits back down on the floor with you, criss crossed. He grabs his canvas, and puts something on it as he slowly unveils his work to you.

It's a single crisp leaf he must have plucked from the grass when it fell, the orange and reddish hue placed on the canvas that shows a cartoonishly painted tree as well. He murmurs, eyes trained lovingly on you but with that familiar playful tone.

"I wanted you to get a little air. It's good for one's mood, you know."

You slowly take the leaf, and twiddle it in your thumb as you begin to smile to yourself. You mutter back.

"The weather changes, moods change, it's so overwhelming sometimes..."

He slowly leans in a little closer and places a hand on the small of your back, inching you closer to him too. He wants to distract you from those thoughts affecting you, but it's getting harder when all he can think about is how much you affect him. He whispers.

"My mood never changes, you're the most precious thing I have ever seen all year round."

You look up at him, your eyes communicating what you feel, and he picks up on it with a silent confirmation. You hold each other's gaze for a long quiet moment and when you feel ready you lean into his chest, nuzzling into him. He envelops you in a hug that feels like the remedy you've been searching for this whole time, and it almost brings you to tears. You don't know it also does the same to him. He gives you a soft squeeze and leans down to your ear, his warm breath feeling like the way life is supposed to feel. You mumble, your voice slightly muffled against him.

"Thank you, Osamu. Love you."

He smiles at that. To be something so soothing to you, to be of use for once in his life, it's a feeling that he could never describe. He'll have to find the words when he covers you in kisses from head to toe later, when he makes sure you feel the full extent of his devotion to you through thick and thin. He exhales deeply.

"Change of season, change of mind... It doesn't matter to me. It's still you. It will always be you."

#i like soft dazai i NEED soft dazai #he's learned through you how to cultivate and nurture a relationship even if he doesnt always know what to so to help #but he sure has an archive in his brain on you and thats enough for him to use #HE IS SILLY AND SAPPY AND GOOFY AND ALSO ALWAYS BRAIN ROTTED THINKING ABT YOU #also respecting ur boundaries if ur going through a tough time when it comes to physixal touch that was important to me #he is a grabby little freak but he knows when and where to do that #he loves u THATS IT #softzai domestizai mwah #THANK U FOR THIS REQUEST ANON U SWEET ANGEL #was kinda thinking abt twilight new moon when i wrote this that segment where bellas absolutely catatonic by her window except...#she has no edward to comfort her wjdjejnd what a freak #bungou stray dogs #osamu dazai #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #anon #dazai x you #osamu dazai x reader #bsd x reader #dazai imagines #dazai fluff #dazai osamu #requests #bungo stray dogs #gn reader #asks #fanfic #bsd fluff #osamu dazai fluff

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sen-ya · 5 months ago

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heart eyes @ Lawlu fam au's Robin + love that Kaya joined the strawhats, i'm curious about the bond she has with the rest of the crew - especially Sanji (👀) and the non-East Blue crewmates!!! also Brook teaching anyone who shows moderate interest in music is so real i love that headcanon!!

Ahhhh I love Kaya I’m sorry if I drone on in random directions here!! Okay okay so the general vibe of how she got there is after Laugh Tale (and whatever happens there I dare not speculate I’m bad at guessing) the Straw Hats eventually make their way back to the East Blue and Usopp stays in Syrup village for a little longer than the rest of the crew and when they come back for him he’s like “uh so hi uh Kaya and I got married” and Luffy’s like “SHE WAS CREW BEFORE SHE’S CREW NOW GET ON THIS BOAT :^))” Then there’s a period of time when her and Usopp decide they want to have a kid (surprise it’s two kids) where they spend a few years in Syrup Village before they rejoin the Straw Hats which I know I mentioned okay but so w Sanji I think before the kids they’re very friendly, Sanji always knew about Kaya and Usopp would write to Kaya and talk abt all the crew but esp Sanji so there’s a bit of that “I feel like I already know you” vibe with them. She does already know the rest of the East Blue crew so she’d probably gravitate towards them at first and out of all of them besides Usopp I think she’d vibe the most with Luffy and Sanji. Her and Chopper are fast friends for obvious reasons, and they start to kind of divvy up doctor-ing duties. Kaya specialized in traumatic injury so she could help Usopp on his adventures and Chopper specializes in internal medicine so she becomes a huge help in the aftermath of battles. First round of treatment from Dr. Kaya and ongoing treatment with Dr. Chopper :^) Add Law into the mix when the Hearts are around and they have a little Doctor Club where the three of them are always exchanging knowledge and books and things they’ve found around the world that are helpful. The three of them are really comfortable friends and like to study in the same room together without talking for like hours. In a similar vein I think her and Robin get along really well and will read quietly together. The way that Robin just says creepy shit Kaya has a way of doing that too, but with such a friendly face and tone it’ll take people a long time to even begin to clock why what she said is fucked up (makes giving Bad Doctor News very easy, she’s a kind of calming that after the fact makes you go ??? How did that work). She spends a fair amount of time with Franky because she likes to hang out in the workshop while Usopp tinkers, and it turns into her learning a thing or two from Franky as well. Brook tried to teach her piano because it seemed like something she’d like but she was low key terrible at it and the lessons went on much longer than they should have because they were both too polite to suggest they stop.

After her and Usopp rejoin the Straw Hats Sanji is immediately obsessed with their kids. Sanji has such “I will parent the shit out of any child” energy okay this guy was born to dad. Ofc it makes Usopp’s heart full to see his kids with his boyf, and Usopp is a very involved dad (he would never be like his own dad), but it just situationally ends up giving Kaya & Sanji more one on one time than they’d had before (switching off parenting duties, Kaya’s not really a fighter so she tends to stay back on the ship if there’s conflict, Sanji esp at first volunteers to stay back with her and the kids to keep watch). All of that plus the fact that Sanji’s always been framed to her as this guy the person she loves loves, it’s only a hop skip and a jump away until “oops I have a crush on my husband’s boyfriend.” Esp cause I don’t think Usopp would be shy about being affectionate with either of them, so all three of them plus the two kids just end up in a pile super often.

ALSO OKAY WE WERE ROBBED OF SHORT HAIRED ROBIN ODA ALMOST GAVE HER TO US AND I WILL NEVER FORGET

#my asks #my hcs #gender-ihadagenderonce #one piece #straw hat pirates #one piece Kaya #kayausopp #sanusokaya #Nico robin

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cuppajj · 7 months ago

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Don't mind me as I found out this AU a day ago and heard you're waiting for BY ep 4 to form stuff w Dark Choco and Frigid Cacao and BOY do I have ideas.

(This is going to be a long ask, it's been cooking for a while and I need to ramble abt it, hopefully Tumblr won't eat it. Also a little spoilers about ep 13 & 14 and odyssey ch 1 if you're not there yet)

So, we're not talking about Dark Choco's perspective just yet (I'm also waiting on BY ep 4 for that) but from Cacao, we can establish stuff about how he feels about Choco in canon and go from there and speculations on BY ep 4.

Canon Cacao very clearly loves his son and truly longs for him back in his life. But, as referenced from the Hollyberry interaction, he's very reluctant to seek him out, preferring Choco approach him first instead.

One of the ways Cacao shows his love is how he respects the boundaries of those close to him (and, in turn, expects the same for them to him. That's why he violently snaps at Clotted Cream and feels very betrayed by Vanilla for keeping Lily a secret in Odyssey) and I feel this applies to Choco the most. He understands Choco needs his time and space, especially after the whole ep 14, and won't feel comfortable around him or his kingdom for a while. There's also the chance that Choco may not want to have him in his life again (untrue) and he'd rather not risk finding out that's true by personally seeking him out and further upsetting his son. (That last one was just my interpretation but AUGH)

This is the building blocks I found for forming Frigid Cacao's side of the relationship. Should Dark Choco return to the kingdom, Frigid Cacao would feel Very Much Conflicted™️ about having him back, but for different reasons.

On one hand, he would be relieved and overjoyed to sense his son's return. There's so much lost time, so much regrets, he wanted to make up for it and rebuild his relationship anew. But on the other hand, this clashes with the Soltitude he built for himself. Accepting his son back in his life would mean breaking down his walls, thus tearing down everything he built and betraying his own light. Perhaps that part of him would also be angry that Dark Choco would impose this on him. But it saddens him to turn him away. And so on and so forth it cycles.

This duality is the internal conflict that, while it opens the gate for redemption (or at least loosen his terror and maybe actually get him outside), is also very hectic for Choco himself because it also manifests in his powers.

The licorice monsters are noticably more docile around him, but they can just as soon lash out randomly, coming in big waves and heading for only one target. The weather is constantly shifting from mild snow to freezing blizzards in minutes. The paths feel cleared out but it feels like there's always something out to get him.

That's assuming Choco didn't return to the kingdom after the Beast Yeast expedition (bc I'm assuming you're setting Cacao's fall after BY ep 4). But if he did, there's two possibilities. One is the more boring Frigid Cacao's reign didn't last really long bc Choco was there from the beginning. The other one, ooh the other one also works as a bad ending for the first scenario.

(I ended up writing a full oneshot for it. If you want, I can send it in another ask, hahaha)

As someone who hasn’t gotten to that chapter in odyssey yet (i really oughtta watch a video on it bc these quills brake for nobody), this is a really good reference for Cacao and Choco in beast ancients!! I won’t say much about Choco since yeah I’m waiting for apathy pt 2 but I’ve definitely been wanting him to be a huge source of conflict for frigid cacao in the au, and this helps describe it pretty well. Cacao’s fall is being worked on because the timeline of beast ancients is a WIP, it does come after BY 4 for all I know atm, and whatever happens to Choco in that episode will determine where he is and how he affects his dad when he becomes a beast. But the bottom line is that it is not gonna be easy for either of them either way :D

Would love to see your one shot btw!

#frigid cacao cookie #beast ancients au ask

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lovelykil · 11 months ago

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CAN U DO REVERSE COMFORT WITH KILLUA

IDC WHAT ITS ABT BUT JUST MAKE IT REVERSE COMFORT PLEASE POOKIE😞🙏🏻

chocolates—

: ➛killua

note; my brain has put itself on hold for like a week 🙁🙁 but anyway ofc pookie

my back leans against the cold wall with my knees tucked to my chest, I sit still like a pouting child. Except I'm not pouting. I sniffle, my glossy eyes staring at the carpet. This same overwhelming feeling of anxiety washes over me as the pathetic tears swell my eyes.

was this my fault? was I the cause of this break up? will.. she come back?

"shit,," I breathe out as I wipe away these droplets of vulnerability. The more I think about it the more I want to cry. It's all so stupid but—

"y/n." I nearly jump at the voice from beside me, I was so lost in my thoughts I must've forgotten I wasn't alone in this bedroom.. that wasn't even mine.

"h-huh?" I turn my head toward the voice, eyes wide and watery as I stare off guard like. It was him, he was still in his sleeping wear; comfortable baggy sweats with a black loose t-shirt. He looked wearily, his blue eyes low and dark as his hair was quite in a mess, not entirely but some stains stuck out. It kinda went with his whole layered haircut he recent got though.

"you shouldn't cry over her you know, I kinda saw this coming to be honest." killua said, his voice hushed in the dark space before he looked away. He sat with his legs infront of him, knees toward the ceiling as he arms rested on them. I remained looking at him, letting his words sink in. My eyes dart away for a moment as I look away shortly.

"you did?"

"yeah." I sit in silence with him trying to wrap my head around all of this, my legs grow minds of their own as they fall to the ground slowly. I mess with my finger tips, speaking again.

"how so? Was this my fault?" I whisper. I feel weak as I mutter the question, my stomach twists with horrible sensations that make me queasy, I almost don't want him to answer, afraid I might be correct.

I am a terrible friend.

"are you kidding me? No. I didn't want to say anything or else we would've had a fight and honestly I wasn't in the mood for that but, she was a total bitch." Judging by the tone of his voice, he was being sincere. He was harsh as he explained,, suddenly that weird feeling went away and I felt.. relived?

"well that's not nice.." I chuckle lightly, sniffling in the moment. I hear him scoff 'tch.' He goes as his legs fall just like mine. He looks over at me as I do the same. Our eyes meet.

"she gave me such a headache, god I hate your friends."

"killua.." I make a face, my eyes still glossy red from the crying. I fold my arms slowly stating at him. He looks at me like he's done nothing wrong, even smirking with those tired eyes of his.

"it's true–"

"I still really cared about her though, we've been friends for so long kil.. it kinda hurts." My arms unfold to mess with the string of my pj pants I wore. Silence filled the air, it felt like a long one.. it felt like he was conflicted on what to say next.

maybe he understood? Maybe he didn't. I had no clue in that moment. It wasn't until I heard him softly sigh and saw him stand up I realized he didn't understand. He left the room and abandoned me in this empty bedroom for a few minutes.

to be honest I felt a little offended, even sulking till he returned back. What the hell did he leave for??

I saw him close his door with something in his hand, he walked himself back to me and sat down— this time a little closer than before.

curious and a little mad, I gazed over at the silverette to see what he was holding. It was..

"chocolate, here."

"huh?" He placed the chocolate— actually it was his chocolate robots right on my lap as I squinted to see it clearly. My eyes grew as I picked up the treat, my mouth hung open slightly in shock.

"your chocolate robots? But you never—"

"just shut up and take it before I change mind.." He opened his robot, making it very clear to just shut the hell up and take it. In which I did, quickly! A confused but warm smile tugged my lips as I opened the treat.

I could feel his eyes land on me as I happily ate the chocolates, he only stared for a bit before he looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him smiling to himself looking at the robot container.

he was either really happy about the chocolate or me. If I was to guess it was probably the chocolate.. either way he still looked adorable when he smiled. I felt a little better now.

"hey, it's okay to be torn about her.. you'll eventually get over it. Though you shouldn't because she sucks but you get it.. I kinda hate seeing you act so sad. Your smile is way better anyway." my sweet, unaffectionate, idiotic boyfriend spoke with sincerity, he chews on his chocolate momentarily after speaking such kind words to me.

I look at him, stunned for words. "killua—"

"don't ruin the moment.. just shhh." He says, pressing a finger to my lips. I cross my eyes to look at his finger then look back at him as I nod. He removes his finger about to open his mouth wide to pour in more chocolate but I interrupt with a grin.

"oh killua you're so cute you know? Thanks sweetheart." I tease, leaning in to peck his cheek. Once I do I sit back down and lean my head on him to savor this moment.

this time I smile to myself, thinking about his face right now.

at this point my tears were all dried up, and the feeling of anxiety was replaced with a warm fuzzy one from this hunter. He takes a second to respond to which I snicker lightly once he does.

"your... your welcome."

#𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙮𝙠𝙞𝙡⋆ ★#killua x reader #killua #hunter x hunter #hxh x reader #:33

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ratgrinders · 7 months ago

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iirc oisin actually messaged adaine to say sorry, so no one else heard it. was this bc he didn't want the other ratgrinders to hear him say it? did he want it to be more private and sincere than a standoff in the cafeteria? from his actions in the plan (the ping pong balls, stealing adaine's ice mephits at that party, using one hand to plane shift kipperlily, bringing in his dragon relatives to fight) and him making fun of buddy in his dms with ivy it seems like his rage manifested as calculated and mean as opposed to kipperlily's blatant aggression. very similar to ivy except he hid it better. when i started this ask i did headcanon that he was genuine in that apology but the more i think about it im not so sure. if only he didnt get taken out immediately

Re: this post

Oh yeah that's true!! I completely forgot it was a Message, but yeah you're right. Honestly yeah echoing your sentiment about wishing he didn't get taken out immediately. I wish we got to learn more abt ALL the Rat Grinders in the finale, but alas.

My first instinct is to definitely think it was so the other Rat Grinders wouldn't hear, because he'd have to know that Adaine would tell the other Bad Kids he apologized once he was out of earshot. As a calculated ploy though to make himself seem more genuine, we know so little about Oisin's genuine feelings on the Bad Kids that it's hard to say one way or the other. It's such a small, indirect thing he does, and like the SECOND ever interaction he has with Adaine, I don't think it was a part of some long-term grand master scheme to endear himself to her. I'm inclined to believe it was genuine if only because of that, because like I said in my other Oisin post there are way better ways to ingratiate yourself to someone than indirect actions or "sorry"s that give no other information. He's VERY calculated in a way that he's constantly misdirecting and minimizing his influence, shifting blame onto people other than himself, so making himself the center of attention of Adaine just to mislead her may not even be his style.

If I had to say, for now I think that in the cafeteria he was originally going to say something that would have needled Adaine a bit (most of the Rat Grinders had been antagonizing their designated Bad kid that interaction) but when Adaine spoke positively about him he immediately felt guilty about it, and instead pivoted to an apology instead. I think he's genuine in his apology, but was maybe calculated enough about it to know that he couldn't apologize in front of his friends because he knows how they feel about them, and instead made moves to move them all away from the table and end the conflict entirely, as opposed to before when he was just giving weak protests.

#could be completely wrong tho #oisin being calculated in his appearance as a nice guy definitely compels me #but for now i dont think thats applicable in every instance where there isnt a tangible benefit #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #original post #rat grinders #oisin hakinvar

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valentine-writes · 1 year ago

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for you!

「 tws + notes: no tws, fluff, not edited, kinda ooc my bad,, im learnin,,, 」

↳ ft. gwen stacy, hobie brown/spider-punk, miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099, miles morales, and pavitr prabhakar

「 gn! reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

author's note: obvi strictly platonic for miles, pav, + gwen but like. anyways!! just practicing writing for them becuz otherwise they will be So OOC for everyone's reqz and i literally would die. highkey struggled a bit but i'm tryin y'all!!! ("trying" but this is unedited ASF) ...eveyone look away from my obvious bias for gwen i heart her. i wanna,, also write for more characters eventually,, sooo,, hc reqs,,, hehehe :3 no full ficz,,, yet-

GWEN STACY headcanons:

▸ she doesn't do friends. not really anymore. oh but like. aside from miles, ur also an exception.

your friendship just kinda. happened?? it was a slow process but eventually y'all got close

▸ you supported her in her band endeavours! u know how knives chau rocks the homemade sex bob-omb merch in scott pilgrim vs the world (sorry 4 being a scott pilgrim fan and referencing it. im battling DEMONS.) THATZ U. biggest supporter for realz!! and she appreciates it so so much :,(

▸ she tries to hold u at arms length initially but ends up missing u too much when ur not around :( you've gotten really close to her over time– something neither of you had expected. but having a friend is refreshing for her. she's secretly always just a little anxious about losing you.

one time, in the middle of your developing friendship, she just kinda... dipped. left you on seen, didn't return your calls– you hadn't seen her in a while. but she came back, apologized profusely (through a lot of stumbled sentences and awkward rambles), and then swore never to do it again. you were... conflicted. so you asked her if anything was wrong and she mustered the courage to be vulnerable with you.

you are probably one of the first people in a long time that she'd actually been able to open up to.

▸ sleepovers where u jus stay up and watch slasher films. idk man i just feel this one in my heart. even if ur not particularly fond of horror, gwen is cool abt it if u need to cover ur eyes or hide under a blanket. y'all are practically screaming at the screen whenever the protagonist makes a dumb choice, acting like the characters can actually hear u

"if you go into that FUCKING BASEMENT I SWEAR–"

"nah– she's doing it. watch. WATCH."

"I CANT"

HOBIE BROWN headcanons:

▸ u are NOT calling this guy hobart. the first time u ever called him that Everyone Else was thrown off. like. no. we gonna stick w/ hobie for this one.

you, however, had the funny little idea of shortening his nickname even further. now sometimes– just on occasion– it's bee.

naturally, he's too cool to care abt what he's called, so he doesn't seem to have too many feelings about your overly cutesy nickname for him.

▸ you know any instruments? great. jam sessions with him. you don't? he'll teach you to play guitar. few ppl are given permission to touch His Guitar... but he can afford to make exceptions.

as he's teaching you, his chest collides against ur back a couple times, his hands guiding yours. he'll gently guide your fingers on the fretboard and yeah it's like– maybe not the most efficient way to learn. but whatever. he's pretty good with helping you figure it out.

▸ if you express wanting a piercing, tattoo or wanting to change up your hair (dying it, cutting it, whatever–) he's immediately gonna be like. "yea? ok. bathroom. right now." he'll help you out. king of diy truly.

and hey, the piercings never get infected, the stick and pokes turn out fine, the haircuts never look that bad, and the hair dye doesn't turn out awful so like. win???

supports you in your impulsive choices– piercings can close, diy tattoos fade, hair can grow– but the joy of self expression iz 4eva!!!!

▸ he lets you steal clothes from him. totally will point it out, but won't be all that bothered by it. HE'S GONNA BE TAKING FROM UR CLOSET TOO you practically share a wardrobe at this point. the others slowly become unable to differentiate which clothes you and hobie own individually. even if your wardrobes are completely different– trust he will find a way to keep a small piece of you with him

MIGUEL O'HARA headcanons:

▸ this man is emotionally distant asf. how did you achieve this relationship with him. answer: no clue!!! (｡･･｡) now that ur tight w/ him i am begging you. for the sake of the multiverse. get this man a therapy consultation RIGHT NEOWWW..... they literally have therapy services available in the spider society hq. if you dont HAUL HIS ASS OVER THERE–

▸ it's really no secret miguel has a soft spot for you. though he is very adamant about the fact that he doesn't– most people know that he's a little less grumpy with you around.

you seem to be one of the only people who can actually make him smile. which is. crazy. the first time he ever laughed at a joke you made you just kinda froze and stared at him, wondering if you had just vividly hallucinated miguel being happy. it was a light chuckle, where he kinda,, put his hand over his mouth and looked away. but it was SHOCKINGGG

▸ if you managed to get along with miguel, you're probably also besties with lyla. miguel however does not enjoy this. mainly because you two gang up on him. a lot. aka whenever ur arguing about anything w/ miguel, lyla is more likely to take your side. for funzies!!! she calls you her favourite– and it's like. man. are you getting along with miguel just for his little hologram assistant? i would but im gon shut my mouth on this one

it's funny how easily u two get along. she has officially attached all his bank info to ur online shopping accs and gaming shit. go wild. he'll never know (he finds out.. eventually.)

▸ it's actually really weird how you affect him. and everyone's noticing. he's constantly overworking himself to preserve the safety of the multiverse and when he's not, he's reminiscing on the past- but you give him something that he hasn't had in a while- an actual break. you pull him away from his responsibilities, from the screens he gazes into for so long, and for once he can relax. even if it's just for a minute

MILES MORALES headcanons:

▸ i saw hcs of a friendship w/ miles like gumball and darwin and i literally cannot get it out of my head. y'all r tight like that!!!! itz canon now. considering miles doesn't have a lotta friends (in his universe, at least) he's glad to have you!!! you're probably one of the people he hangs around the most. if you're somewhere, miles is probably somewhere around you too. and if he is not? he's probably just late. spiderman-ing around nyc probably

▸ his parents have really grown to like you too!!! let's assume u dont pull a gwen and address them by their first names. (i love her so much no shade at all but PLEADYUWEGFEHF that was So White of her) miles always has you over to hang out– which usually means you're invited to have dinner with them. his mom especially is always makin sure ur feeling at home and u got enough on ur plate (she is so sweet i adore her)

miles is constantly hearing: "when are they coming over again? you haven't had them over in a while-" rio hearts u. (and i heart rio.)

▸ STREET ART WITH MILES STREET ART WITH MILES– he def taught u what he learned from his uncle aaron. eventually u found a place you two can spray paint 2gether and u go w/ him whenever u need to destress a bit ^_^ it doesn't matter what ur skill level is in art, he's happy to teach you! sometimes, for practice, he'll even draw you!!! and though he hasn't shown you yet,,, he's been comfortable enough w/ you to leave his sketchbook open when you're around

▸ ALSO!! your hangouts probably have a killer soundtrack. u share a collaborative playlist w/ miles and swap recommendations every so often– so whenever ur both 2gether and jus chilling you've got good music 2 blast which is a combo of both ur tastes!!! he probably loves ur music, even if itz something he doesn't typically listen to. it's jus so you.

▸U ARE HIS CANVAS NOW. if u let him, he'll doodle in pen on your arm. he's always so focused, his eyes fixed on your skin as he doodles all over your forearm and hand. his grip is gentle as he turns your arm, tilting it every so often to make sure it looks right. there is no awkward silence, no pressure to make conversation- the quiet shared is comforting.

eventually he runs out of space and blinks up at you,, almost forgetting who he was drawing on. he'll apologize for getting so carried- but his drawings look amazing.

...and then he realized it was permanent marker and immediately doubled his apologizes.

PAVITR PRABHAKAR headcanons:

▸ im going to put this here and i dont know why specifically this came to mind. but never play just dance with him. you will LOSE. one of thse people who don't have to try to win. but he WILL put his 100% in it and eat you UPPPP.

sorry u can't outdo him </3

like bro those moves AREN'T EVEN PART OF THIS DANCE HOW ARE YOU STILL WINNING???

▸ gym bro but not Insane Gym Bro just.... gym bro. will try to get you to workout with him,, but like. cool if you don't wanna! is the most supportive gym buddy to have though. will always encourage you throughout the entire thing and not even just to get you to push through a set- this boy genuinely jus believes in you so much.

▸ he's constantly talking to you about gayatri. he loves his gf sm. if ur one of those people who Don't Like hearing abt other ppls relationships he'll make an attempt to tone it down

but trust he NEVER. EVER. makes you third wheel them. gayatri also will make sure of this- so now... more than often... if you're tryin' to hang with the both of them- THEY BOTH TRY TO PLAY MATCHMAKER FOR YOU.

LIKE. you can't just be LONELY. they're gonna make sure of it. pav and gaytri number one wingmen,..,, women,,, besties

▸ probably texts u like crazy. the type of guy to send u things throughout the day like "this is so you :]" he loves his bestie (YOU!!!)

sometimes it's like,, a particularly interestingly shaped cloud. maybe a cool bug that landed nearby him. a flower growing out of the pavement cracks.

and then sometimes it's like. this.

"this is you."

99 notes · View notes

horizon-verizon · 1 year ago

Note

The whole Alysanne/Viserra conflict is so bizarre I’m not sure why GRRM wrote it like that. Alysanne fears Viserra wants a crown…even though Aemon is still alive and Baelon hasn’t been named heir yet. Alysanne weeps for Daella dead at 18, blaming Jaehaerys for having her wed at too early of an age…but then pushes Viserra into a betrothal that causes her death at 15, again with a man older than Jaehaerys in the dreary and boring North, widowed 4 times and already with 5 children. Marrying an older brother for politics isn’t acceptable…even though Aegon the Uncrowed/Rhaena & Aegon/Visenya did it, plus she and Jaehaerys did it in defiance of their guardians, but I guess it’s so much better because of true love. Viserra is said to be a manipulator and committed alcoholic by 14, not even liking boys, but using her looks to get them to fight for her…yet her ambition is to go after Baelon, the man with two healthy trueborn sons already, 14 years older than her, not yet the heir with Aemon alive. How much influence could Viserra possibly have even if she did marry him at the time ? Obviously she had some attraction to him, if she wanted to seduce him (let me just roll my eyes at the mother trying to protect her nearly 30 year old son with 2 children from a “seductive” 15 year old girl…it’s pathetic) with all of the drawbacks. Alysanne’s view of her just makes no sense for her character or the timeline of events. But Viserra is so one dimensionally vain and openly ambitious (even when it contradicts itself, like surrounding herself with boys while having her eyes on Baelon) that she doesn’t come across as a person. It’s like the worst anti’s view of Cersei.

*EDITED POST* (4/17/24)

I recently wrote a Tweet about Alysanne vs Rhaena HERE, & the legacy of women/family destroying the other. And I have a Tumblr post abt Alysanne and her daughters HERE.

I don't know about your points about Alysanne's inconsistency, since I can see it happening in real life from the women I know or interacted with, their hypocrisies & self-defeating compromises. I do, however, see something in your critique of Viserra's writing. I'm offering a set of headcanons based on the knowledge that women are still subject to promoting patriarchy while also trying their best to look out for women's survival and/or rights, especially when their ability to even do that depends on their connection/support/allowance on certain sorts of male authority:

A) Alysanne's Attitude towards her Daughters

This is the passage anon refers to for Alysanne's grief over Daella being too young & her blaming Jaehaerys ("Policy, Progeny, and Pain"):

Watsonianly, I believe GRRM reasoned that Alysanne was less willing to not ship off Viserra because she compared her "slyness" and seeming confidence to Daella's timidity and seeming helplessness and concluded that Viserra was more needing of containment, less needing of her protection and partly because she had more of a will of her own towards her marriage. Viserra, more than Daella, was maybe perceived more as a trip of Alysanne's authority as both mother and a Queen in the face of Jaehaerys'....less charitable and constrictive privileges over Alysanne's earnest desire for women to advance more in the realm and especially in the monarchy itself (heir buisness). She was way more "eager" to have her away than she was for Daella.

I also say in my Twitter post these:

Alysanne looked at Viserra wanting to be Queen as insulting to the feeling that ALL the family should mourn & respect Alyssa's passing, not just her seemingly "protecting" her son from Viserra's shamed "preening" & demonizing her daughter for the sake of a male child she favored. Perhaps Aysanne felt Viserra showed she did not care about Alyssa as much as she should have. perhaps she resented Viserra for showing how shallow the bonds b/t the siblings actually were due to the age differences & how little we actually hear of the 1st set of kids interacting w/the 2nd. Perhaps Alysanne thought this reflected a failure on her part as a mother. maybe she partly resented Viserra for not "respecting" the boundaries of a man's posthumous grieving for seemingly one of her favorite kids...certainly she preferred/made more time for Baelon & Alyssa over Viserra, Vaegon, Saera, even though she definitely loved all her kids.

Alysanne perhaps saw in Baelyssa her own marriage with Jaehaerys AND it's "success" proved their joined right to rule/soulmatism (their union created another perfect, happy union & thus and wanting to believe their marriage was perfect, couldn't tolerate any corruption to that...unconsciously). By desiring Baelon for queenship, Viserra--to Alysanne--again does a "taboo" against Alysanne's private-public relation order. She may have taken it very personally (2nd line after "PLUS" in paragragph below).

But most importantly after Saera's "scandal" & Daella's will against a more routine marriage arrangement/determination to find a husband on her own terms, I think the fear of Viserra "ruining herself, being separated forever from the family like Saera (the North is better than Essos), and ruining the family's/Jaehaerys' prospects PLUS her own experience of helplessness transformed into her needing to direct and arrange the circumstances that she did for Viserra. As well as look at her like she was an issue to be reconsolidated more than a child even though she also did seem to love her. It's possible she justified to herself that Viserra would always be as close as she can be.

Marriage is not just about the couple's happiness--the first priority is actually usually for the respective families' politics and it is a business move. There were political incentives for her to marry Theomore Manderly--the old lord of White Harbor in the North that weren't there for Daella marrying Rodrik Arryn. Theomore was a Seven-faithful vassal to the lords Stark. Jaehaerys had severely angered the Lord of Winterfell, and even though Alysanne made him more amicable, the lord liked her better than Jaehaerys and Jaehaerys seemed too anxious to always make sure the North remained less willing to see the Targs as enemies, which a marriage would do. In one of the last 4 pics below, we see Alysanne try to convince Alaric to have one of his family marry some woman of her choosing.: (A Surfeit of Rulers"; "Triumphs and Tragedies").

Some might argue why he didn't allow Daella to marry a Stark: one, she already had the chance to marry an old gods worshiper, Royce Blackwood, but once she found out about the house still worshipping the old gods, she refused the marriage saying she didn't want to go to hell; two, I do not think the Starks even had eligible sons at the time when they were deciding who she'd marry. Neither Rodrik Arryn's loyalty nor his positive feelings towards the crown were doubted.

Plus, Jaehaerys was growing much more impatient and fed up with Daella than he did with Viserra because of Daella's constant refusing to marry any lord that was chosen for her which I don't fault her too much for, some were questionable ("Policy, Progeny, and Pain"):

So again, I think that Alysanne grew more wary & frustrated with his dismissiveness to the point where she became much more protective and also caring or attentive towards Daella in a way she wasn't for Saera or Viserra because the latter both acted more independently or self-soothed. Alysanne also might have seemed to/might have that Viserra--in her "sly" willfulness ("oh, you think you're grown?") didn't deserve or need her protection as much as Daella did, even though Viserra was younger when she arranged the marriage. The eagerness for Daella's departure came more from Jaehaerys than Alysanne, while for Viserra, it was more Alysanne's own negative feelings driving her arrangements. So on Alysanne's end, it's easier or more obvious to blame Jaehaerys for Daella than it is herself for either Viserra or Saera. Though for Saera, though I blame both, I still blame Jaehaerys more and while it was certainly Alysanne's doing to arrange Viserra for the old-guy-with-four-kids Theomore, it came after the heels of the "trouble" with Daella's marriage.

PLUS they came after the group of kids Jae & Aly had & already gave their most emotionally energetic years to (I mentioned in another post that you are less able to practically give your love to more than 4-5 kids, esp if you are devoted to your job, profession, or duties as these two parents were). Daella died in 82 A.C. while Viserra died in 87 A.C. And though they are part both of the second set of kids Aly & Jae had together (the first set Daenerys, Aemon, Baelon, & Alyssa), even within this set the age difference b/t Daella and Viserra was 7 years.

While Alysanne observed their kids more than Jaehaerys and knew what they did and stuff, she also was herself "tired" or less willing to accommodate more deemed "disruptive" personalities even though she loved all her kids. Why? Again, too many kids, her using marriage (as Visenya & Rhaenys did) as a more political tool than one to totally satisfy her daughters' personal preferences, and a less interested-domestically-participating husband while trying to participate in politics herself but also expected to be the head of child nurturing simultaneously. The ones that can be more "managed", the more able/willing Alysanne will be sympathetic towards them or fight with Jaehaerys over their futures.

Therefore, it seemed Alysanne was a lot more eager & self-convinced to "get rid of" Viserra than she ever was for Daella because of the different pressures from her husband, her conclusions about their daughters' characters, and her own stake in the policy-making she wanted to participate in even though she expressed. Women can be like this, semi-subtly & subtly perpetuating patriarchal limitations thinking that it is "for the best" while really using the subject's seeming or real noncompliance with socialized gender ideology and behaviors.

Also, though Aegon V and Betha Blackwood married for love, they insisted that their kids marry for politics and by their direction anyway. Parents/leaders often compromise their own previous actions or intentions for the present necessities or perceived "greater" needs. Jaehaerys himself cites how he doesn't like how Alyssa Velaryon & Rogar Baratheon both seek to control him...and then he goes on to do this to his own kids. 🤷🏼‍♂️

B) Viserra's Desire isn't all that Vain

You:

But Viserra is so one dimensionally vain and openly ambitious (even when it contradicts itself, like surrounding herself with boys while having her eyes on Baelon) that she doesn’t come across as a person. It’s like the worst anti’s view of Cersei.

Yes, it is like the worst anti's view. Because an anti is writing about her. It is their perspective & Fire and Blood is written in hindsight, written around Robert Baratheon's time.

When we talk about her being "one-dimensionally vain", it comes down to the Unreliable narrator and the lack of grace they afford to her. Not saying she wasn't vain...but she had a lot of good motivation to rely on looks.

Viserra was 15 when she died. Fifteen-year-olds hardly know themselves, compared to those above 18, at least. And they tend to be a lot more self-concerned or confrontational, rebellious, testing the social limits of whatever, etc. But they also can still use reasoning and draw conclusions about their society's implications for them based on their roles to get what they want or to oppose legitimately unfair restrictions against them.

Viserra was a female royal of parents who some might describe as "workaholics", determined to politick their way into maintaining the dynasty, and as I mentioned above, Viserra was part of the latter, less-emotionally-attended-to brood. Her role, as we see how Jaehaerys treated Saera, was to marry & reproduce and not do as her brothers Aemon & Baelon did which was to work with Jaehaerys & work together in anticipation of becoming the next leaders of said dynasty and Westeros.

As a princess who'd not politically trained similarly as her brothers and after being taught/directed by Septas, learning how to become a lady of a court for when she marries she's got little comparatively to do other than, hang out with other girls of the court & any willing siblings, read, play games, dance, maybe ride horses and hunt, etc. she's got comparatively bigger slots of time to herself and perhaps be a bit lonely. Especially when she has parents who worked often. We don't see nor hear of her actually having close relationships with any of her siblings: Maegelle, Alyssa, Baelon, and Aemon are adults with families of their own or out of the keep in other ligelong devotions; Vaegon is, I believe a maester by the time she was about to married off, and still, he wasn't interested in any of his siblings; Daella seemed...more attached to Alysanne and not that engaging; Saera, it's said, that NONE of her sister liked, which includes Viserra; Gael hadn't been born until 80 A.C., and was 7 when Viserra was 15.

Viserra was not hopelessly stupid--it's implied that she, like Saera, wanted more autonomy and/or political power. And like every other royal or noble girl, she did not really interact with people outside KL or the Red Keep that she could or was allowed to. Perhaps. As I mentioned, she's not out of KL at all, spending her relatively contained life in the castle or in illicit adventures with her followers. Baelon is not only familiar and a more predictable option to Viserra, but he'd be more willing than any other candidate to treat her respectfully for the sibling tie/his disposition. No, she doesn't love him, but she doesn't seem as romantic or idealistic as 13-year-old Alysanne was like. Yeah, attracted to Baelon, but not in love or nor yearning for him as Alyssa did, as Alysanne was. Which yes, would read as her being less "worthy" of Baelon to Alysanne--even though I think Alysanne still saw/sees Jaehaerys' reign as righteous and herself destined to not just be his Queen but to be Queen, for her own ambitions to shape Westeros through him.

Viserra may have seen through her Aysanne's influence, self-confidence, and comfort with wielding what little influence she had over Jaehaerys power that a Queen Consort can do a lot, and that a woman can have "more". Baelon is trained under their father, Jaehaerys...perhaps Baelon will also let her have as much or close influence?

And she knows that in her society, a girl's looks are one of her greatest currencies towards access to a man's power because a girl's looks are what draws a man...besides their rank or family's money/political prospects. But a man will really care about a wife in this society if she's exceptionally or conventionally attractive, as long as she is publicly recognized as attractive. This plus what I mentioned about her not having any granted access to real political activity is thus part of why her vanity is one of the most potent we read in Fire and Blood. If her beauty, rank, and Targness are what she has that gets her what she wants and what she is barred from without, she's going to emphasize and rely on them.

And/or she just loves being beautiful. It's a weird state of being for girls, when they have beauty. Beauty for women & girls tends to fall subject to objectification/currency and a way to trap them in a catch-22 of being perceived as "arrogant" (if they actually acknowledge and celebrate their beauty) vs "having no self-respect/untrustworthy"(if they do not cultivate their beauty or insist--whether genuinely or not--that they do not see themselves as attractive or that attractiveness doesn't really matter). Their beauty can be used for social currency & access to wealthier men's privileges and rights than both women deemed less attractive AND men. Men especially tend to believe that women actually do not go through much hardship bc it's "easy" to have others "take care of" you--as a woman, and esp a pretty woman, you are "in demand" & "don't have to work". Not realizing maintaining beauty does take focus, attention, time AND it can still get objectifying uniquely for women. That beautification is a process & women more than men are expected to do it or have no value at all, while men do not have to be pretty to be respected, though it certainly adds points even to other men.

All of these things, the first level of the narrator--the maesters writing this record--do not consider, because she is a girl with little policy-making or incumbent power, nor does she ever become like Alysanne, supporting and advising a powerful man. No, she is not really treated as a person. They, unlike Septon Barth explaining Saera's motives at the time, not hundreds of years later, do not break down Viserra's.

Let's take this as it is for a second. The girl is fifteen and a princess. Again, fifteen-year-olds are already not that...idk, shrewd? Esp with such a high status or privileges and getting a lot of admiration when their parents may not give them much attention [Saera again], Viserra would have maybe used the male attention for her confidence level, and rationalized it as her due, as she already says she knows she's beautiful when some lord or something says that. Again, reliance on beauty PLUS teenhood with nothing else for her to do with herself. It's a fascinating intersection.

The male admirers thing & seemingly contradiction of attention thing. She, like Saera, led a group of followers/admirers similar, perhaps wishing to emulate a Queen's household or at least to borrow a kind of retinue to mimic that/set up through these male admirers. As I explained about isolation, a girls' beauty, and her possible loneliness, yes sometimes people do not-so-smart things to feel a little less lonely or validated. I know a person who, at high school, actually tried to "seduce" their history teacher. wild stuff, but it came from a place of severe insecurity, which was fostered by misogyny and neglect at home. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Again, she could have rationalized it as her "practicing" "holding court" for the future or affirming her ability to get such admirers. That itself is an attempt at power-denied or trivialized.

Now, let's consider how Viserra rationalized Baelon seeing her with her male admirers. If Alysanne and Jaehaerys weren't too concerned and Baelon was busy or inattentive, then Baelon wouldn't be that suspicious of her virginity...nor care all that much. She's still his sister and Baelon is presumably the least prideful/machismo of all his brothers except maybe Aemon and we don't even know that much of Aemon.

If anything, she might have thought that if Baelon did see these male courtiers around her, that raises her "value", bc these guys think she's pretty enough. Baelon, as a man, must too--if he only really looked at me. If the court gossip about it is true, this would have motivated her into "forcing" her to look at her by catching him with her clothes off. Why getting drunk? Because she is 15, a virgin, never has tried something like this before, and thus sought out liquid courage. She was also very anxious about being married off to Theomore and felt pressure to get Baelon to marry her instead, so the alcohol was also to reduce her fears so she could seem more in control....until she got carried away. Again, IF the gossip has truth.

And yes, some men of power do look at how other men see a women's beauty to evaluate how much social status she'd be to him if he partnered up with her. "Trophy wives" came from somewhere. Plus, men often validate themselves through other men's evaluation of them and whatever they can claim control over or claim, which is nearly often women and "lineage", real or not real.

You:

yet her ambition is to go after Baelon, the man with two healthy trueborn sons already, 14 years older than her, not yet the heir with Aemon alive. How much influence could Viserra possibly have even if she did marry him at the time ? [...] (let me just roll my eyes at the mother trying to protect her nearly 30 year old son with 2 children from a “seductive” 15 year old girl…it’s pathetic) with all of the drawbacks.

Now I don't know if Viserra knew much about the actual ins-and-outs of Visenya and Aegon I's relationship (we don't we just know she was active in politics and loyal and confident and bold) or if she actually put as much thought into this as I have below, but I do think she felt she just had more of a chance to not be subject to others' authority the closest she could be to the highest authority available to women and that if she thought Baelon would be king, it's because Aemon had no male heirs.

From how Saera at least knew that Maegor had 6 wives and presumably their names and what their recorded actions/legacies were, Viserra also would likely have known about Visenya and Rhaena as was recorded by the maesters. More or less what we the readers know, if not a bit more. there would be several accounts written of Rhaena and Visenya, but we don't have that, we have just AWoIaF, Fire and Blood (which was written around Robert's time), and whatever random stuff from the main series.

Baelon already having two sons would seem to contradict Viserra pursuing him just for power. However, maybe:

[Aemon & Jocelyn marry in 70 A.C. Rhaenys was born in 74 A.C. Aemon dies in 92 A.C., so Rhaenys was 18 when he died and she was 13 in 87, when Viserra dies.] In the 13 years Rhaenys was alive, Jocelyn never birthed another kid. And after Rhaenys, the couple enjoyed many years together before Aemon's death, so they all probably thought her infertile. Jocelyn and Aemon had no sons. So, yes, people could have thought Baelon would eventually become the heir apparent to Aemon. And Jaehaerys never went out and declared it until Aemon's death, but he also never declared or approved Aemon's daughter Rhaenys being heir to the heir to the throne...ever. Despite some people praising Rhaenys as the next ruler after her birth. This is where Viserra/a reader could come from is perhaps coming from, if just to rationalize. This sort of almost panicky rationalization so pretty perfect for a girl who desperately did not want to marry a really old man.

part of Baelon's draw would be because, as I mentioned, familiarity, security, and assurance of his taking care of her/non-abusiveness or non-suppressiveness. That comes with or without sons/kids. Even with Aemon being alive.

she'd be escaping a much, too old guy that lives too far from King's Landing, the only home she's ever known and her parents gave her no other options

Women both in real and Westerosi history still relatively benefit from being married over being unmarried in some ways in feudal/monarchial/highly-patriarchal systems. Sometimes even when their marriage has had no children.

Viserra can birth children later after marriage (again, she was 15 and had a lot of childbearing years in her--as gross as that sounds--in the context of the society where she lives). No matter how back in the line of succession those kids with Baelon would be, having shared legitimate kids with the monarch/heir secures her staying married to him and thus secures her own position as one of the highest-ranking woman in Westeros, which is the aim of her marrying Baelon. Because less of her life is determined by others and she is one of the women who has the highest authorities.

Even though Baelon already had sons, she'd still be his Queen Consort, no matter what. After he dies, she'd still become a "Queen Dowager", as Rhaena, Visenya, etc. were. Visenya had Aegon's younger son...still Queen Dowager and a force to be reckoned with in court. Rhaena was once feared (unjustly) by Alyssa Velaryon, Rogar Baratheon, and her own parents--Alysanne & Jaehaerys. Rhaena and Maegor never had kids (thank god), but Rhaena was a Queen Dowager with her own ability to set up a household & direct men & women as if she were a roaming, quasi--Queen Regnant (which inspired the fear in her own family).

Alicent plays a similar game with marrying Viserys. She knows, like everyone else, that to marry a King, you become "first lady" of the realm. And becoming the mother to the next King, you definitely become the most powerful woman in the realm--before any princesses or Dowager Queens of the past Kings. But even if she didn't have Viserys' kids, she'd still have been a Queen Dowager. Alicent managed to bear 4 kids for Viserys, 3 of them male. Technically she should have enjoyed the certainty of being that "most powerful woman" by having a son as King. But unfortunately for her, Viserys had a daughter whom he named his heir and maintained her above Alicent's sons in the succession line. Having no kids or sons is not the absolute end of the world for a woman seeking power in Westeros through marrying the royal family, but Alicent wanted the surety of her sons being King. As we see Visenya has more power than Rhaena.

Viserra would have been the stepmother of Daemon & Viserys, but she'd still be a parental figure, raising them (or doing the bare minimum) PLUS their aunt by blood. She still has access to power through them after Baelon dies if she plays her cards right, esp if she has just daughters or never had legitimate kids. And if she has kids, those kids are sibling-cousins to Viserys/Daemon/the future probable King. As long as it doesn't devolve into a green-black situation (which it likely wouldn't, not with her being a Targ already and not so devoted to the Faith as Alicent), she can enjoy and feel secure her stepkids/nephews will treat her own children/her well.

Either way, she has a better deal being the Queen consort, then a Queen dowager, than being a lady-wife to some lord--in her perception and what she's observed has learned so far without knowing of the various lords' holdings or how much power she'd had outside her own family. Again, she doesn't travel and is likely not to have heard any comprehensive details of any lords outside the Keep. Broad strokes, little detail.

Someone said in a TikTok once--I think GoThistorian--that Cersei might have fared better if she married Oberyn Martell and not a royal like Robert or Rhaegar because in Dorne noblewomen have so much more value, authority, & autonomy even as not a lady regnant nor a Princess, which was what Cersei needed above all else. Her mother, Joanna, actually seemed to have started or was planning for her to marry a Dornish person when we hear she was friends with the Princess of Dorne and the trouble with Aerys'...attentions towards her. Viserra--for the moment we see her--is somewhat like Cersei here in that she wants more access to power than she does. Cersei dreamed of being Rhaegar's wife and wanted to be Robert's because she wanted that access above any romances. Viserra, same.

Some real noble women have become the mistresses of kings--whether the parties involved were already married themselves and/or had kids already or not--even though their kids would inevitably be illegitimate. Whether more by their own choice or by the insistence and arrangement of their families.

#asoiaf asks to me #fire and blood writing #viserra targaryen #alysanne targaryen #fire and blood characters #viserra targ's characterization #alysanne's characterization #unreliable narrator #fire and blood #asoiaf

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krispycreamcake · 4 months ago

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woah your matchups are so detailed ! 🩷 can i request one if that is okay? idk if this info will be okay but, here goes nothing: i'm 5'1 and v petite, w messy hair cut in a wolfcut. i have so much duality, both in personality and in my style: i can go from happy and sweet to ruthless and cold af in seconds so much that sometimes idk which of the two is the real me... i'm also v good at acting, lying and pretending. my style varies between emo and cutesy haha. i'm shy but i'm also a gremlin w the ppl i trust and can act v silly. i have v bad trust issues, i really can't trust anyone. i have anger issues too... my hobbies include writing, playing romance games and watching anime. i love rock music and visual kei too. i would love to learn how to play an instrument or learn to sing one day... my friends say i'm sweet and in general i'm cheerful around them ! i hide my feelings and struggle w them alone often, esp when i have anxiety.

my love language is gift giving. bc i'm not v smart and even if i have good intentions what i say might have the wrong effect i prefer comforting my friends making playlists for them or writing them a fic to cheer them up. i know if they lived near me i would always be buying little gifts for them haha but at the same time i'm super shy when it comes to accepting gifts bc i don't think i deserve them...

i'm also v romantic and daydream a lot, especially abt my yumeships. i can be cheeky and a quirk of mine is i tend to wink when taking selfies a lot > /// < i also obviously love vampires 🦇

idk if this info is okay... i'm sorry if i did this wrong and absolutely no pressure to answer ! thank you so so much either way ♡

From author: From what I've gathered, it looks like what you need is someone to spend quality time with.

Your need for that romance aspect in your life tells me that you're very open to relationships and would welcome one if it came your way. But you do need to be wary and try not to rush things as it may affect how much of you the boys could take.

Since you prefer staying home, I can decipher that you're not necessarily a very socially active person but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy building friendships since it's clear to me you care about your friends abundantly.

Because you deal with anxiety and emotions, this can show me that you may prefer to keep them locked away or even push them aside to forget about. I wanna hone in on this a bit because as we know all of the brothers have problems dealing with inner conflict and you not being able to navigate through your OWN ones would help better point to who you would work best with.

Because of your generally kind nature and ability to comfort people without necessarily using your words, this tells me that despite being faced with emotional obstacles from those around you, you still find it possible to respond in appropriate manners without the need to verbalize your care for someone.

And now that we've assessed you, your best match would be 🥁🥁🥁🥁

Azusa Mukami

Continue reading for more info

Azusa is someone that's known to be passive and soft spoken. His docile nature has lead him astray in the past and because of this, he needs someone that won't take advantage of him while also keeping him on his toes.

Because of your clashing tendencies of being kind and being assertive, this keeps him interested. Azusa would be exactly what you need when looking for a romantic partner seeing as he's always selfless and would constantly think of your needs first.

Azusa doesn't need to go out all the time and have fancy dates planned, he'd be perfectly comfortable just laying next to you while you scroll on social media or even listen to some Malice Mizer. As a matter of fact, he quite enjoys that band and loves it when you do decide to put on some music.

Because of your ability to navigate through emotional conflicts by showing remorse or even gratitude towards someone by giving them a gift, this shows Azusa that you care about him and that you're putting effort into the relationship. This would then have a domino effect of him learning to open up more and in return, making you be able to open up towards him.

He'd fully support your creative side and would encourage you to learn a new instrument and even sing. He'd be your biggest supporter no matter what you do.

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minquiec · 1 year ago

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Jade Coin Au

Spirit Jia + Antique shop worker Hobie

This is also unchecked, unproofreaded and ALSO written at one am

RAHHH I MADE THIS AU W A FRIEND @gumitoes (gmito28 ON INSTA GO FOLLOW 🦅🦅🦅) we literally just screamed abt it in one go thru dms and I'm just regurgitating it here so enjoy

---

Hobie owns this antique store that sells all kinds of old stuff that even he doesn't know where it came from. He kinda took over it after working as a part timer there when the old owner passed.

One day he finds this jade coin that looks like SUPER out of place cause it's really clean looking and almost glowing if he squinted.

So he holds it up to inspect it but when he takes it away again, he finds himself in a completely different location.

Unbeknownst to him, the jade coin is a key to the spirit realm and acts as a gateway which accidentally brought him there.

The jade coin also belongs to the spirit (Jia) who manages a certain domain of the spirit world known for entertainment especially gambling.

So he kind of stumbles around the spirit world a little disoriented and confused cause one: spirit logic and magic and shid and two: the aesthetic of this spirit world is very different to where he lives (london..?)

But at one point he finds a seemingly 'abandoned' store and enters. Unknowingly, the building belonged to a spirit, Zee (GUMI'S CHARACTER RAHH 💥💥) who helps Jia run a casino (her main establishment) discovers that the jade coin is in his possession and takes him to meet her. Although the meeting was a bit startling since she had a gun pointed to his back AHSHAHSHSJ

--> The casino acts as second chances for souls to win certain wishes ie. visit human world as ghost, more idk ghost powers and shied, etc

And ofc he's not dumb and recognises that the jade coin has some form of importance and essentially bargains with Jia to let him go back or at least teach him how to go back.

(Maybe win/bet on a game but he's just crazy lucky and manages to beat her) she's just like 😧

He manages to return back to his little shop in london but ever since visiting the spirit world he has this nagging curiosity abt the world since it's so incredibly different.

And so he would go exploring in the spirit world, occasionally taking back antiques. However he realises he'd totally get super lost in this new place and somehow coerces Jia into acting as his spirit tour guide HAHSJA

Jia isn't super strict on rules and stuff unlike other leading spirits of other domains so she kinda just goes 🤷‍♀️ and follows him around.

Because he's human it sometimes causes conflicts with more aggressive spirits but because the jade coin has a form of connection to Jia, it acts as a summoning object to summon her if he ever needs to.

Like she'll literally appear in a cloud of smoke and then cast some spirit spells or smth HAHSHA

Over time, he spends more and more time in the spirit world but it has consequences on his soul as it starts to wander from his mortal body.

And at the point where his soul finally fades to fix itself into the spirit world, Jia essentially see his mortal body disintegrate in front of her,

However he doesn't seem alarmed at all in a way where it seems like he knew it was going to happen to him. He was willing to take the risk to continue exploring the spirit world as well as by her side.

Over the next few days or so, his soul needs to be readjusted to the spirit world so his presence disappears for a while (standard soul procedure and stuff) but Jia never stopped looking for him.

Until the day she finally sees him again but souls don't recall memories of when they were alive, he forgot about her since the time he spent with her was when he was still alive.

She feels so guilty for what had happened as she spends another couple of days before finally deciding that she was willing to trade her souls for a him to be resurrected in the human world again since he didn't even die fairly.

So he is resurrected like nothing ever happened (time passes differently in spirit world cause plot hole 😍)

His memories of everything that ever happened in the spirit world and all that he is left with is a weird jade coin he doesn't remember having and a empty feeling in his chest.

The end 😁😁😁

#jipunk #lorerambles

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tetsunabouquet · 6 days ago

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Hiii <3 so I saw your post and u said u wanted more requests so I have one if you don't mind

(I'm staying anon but I feel like people will recognize me from my request LMFAO🫣)

SOOOO can I ask for either headcanons or a oneshot abt Akashi if his two personalities were twin brothers? some ideas just to get gears turning could be like them during teiko, with Rakuzan, vorpal vs jabberwocky, kuroko's bday, stuff like that

(just to be clear these are just suggestions and u don't have to write about them all😭)

THANK U SMM🥰🥰

A/N: Just to clarify two little things, I know that his two personalities are always referred to as Oreshi and Bokushi, but these aren't names we could give to the twins as they are last name based. Whilst in my fic, The Reddest Sand where his other personality magically appeared as a twin and the GOM named him, this is obviously an AU where they were born as twins so I went over the names of the richest Japanese to pick a name that felt posh and what Masaomi might choose. Bokushi is named Masayoshi for this heacanon as its meaning fits someone of a good standing and with it resembling Masaomi's name it would probably be a bit of an ego stroke for him.

I will be giving my general headcanons to them as twins, but feel free to request for more Akashi twins content! If my VK fans prove anything, it's that I'm good at producing hot twin content.

-From a very early age, Seijuro had to learn how to perform damage control for Masayoshi's outbursts towards the other rich kids and everyone considers him the nicer twin. -Both feel protective over the other for their own reasons. Seijuro, because it's his little brother and he clearly needs some proffesional help, whilst Masayoshi is protective of his older brother precisely because he doesn't wants his older brother to fail and upset their father. -In this AU, Seijuro is captain and Masayoshi is his vice captain both at Teiko and Rakuzan. -This did lead to the occasional conflicts, like when Seijuro was about to lose to Murasakibara until Masayoshi stepped in and defeated him for Seijuro. Masayoshi was a better leader for the team in that period, but because Seijuro was the eldest and continued running the damage control, he continued being captain much to Masayoshi's disappointment as he felt like it was his turn. -However, his teammates have some mad respect for Seijuro being able to handle an angry Masayoshi, something not even their father manages to achieve. -Initially, people think Seijuro is the angel to Masayoshi's devil but when you get to know the twins better, you'd know that like yin & yang, they each have a splotch of each other's traits. Seijuro might rarely get angry, but when he is, you should better stay the fuck away from him which Masayoshi is always smart enough to do, whilst Masayoshi does has a friendlier side. -As a matter of fact, whilst often for the wrong reasons, Masayoshi is the one more easily convinced to joke around with the other team members whilst Seijuro just stands around with an '👁👄👁' expression as the chaos proceeds to unfold. -Seijuro can be rather passive around Masayoshi as his mind just goes to blank in social situations unlike his twin who's much more assertive about what he likes, is curious about, etc. -If you ask Izuki, he'd call the twins Passive & Agressive. -A shared hobby by the twins is horse riding. They each have their own horse and like racing each other since childhood. Especially when things are uneasy between them. They let all their anger out during the race and whenever they reach their favorite private spot, talk it out with a small picnic their maid packed for the twins, who from the vibe around the house could guess this was what they were planning to do. -Despite Seijuro being the oldest, it was Masayoshi holding him and being his rock during their mother's funeral rather then him trying to compose himself and be the good big brother. Their mother's funeral was the one time during their childhood when Seijuro just couldn't hold himself together. -The twins keep score of who wins at Shogi in a little notebook. They have it categorized by dates and the number of rounds as a general track record and have this unspoken rule that the current winner gets dibs to everything. -Before losing to Kuroko, the twins had only ever experienced loss at each other's hands.

#knb #kuroko's basketball #akashi seijuro #akashi #the basketball which kuroko plays #kuroko no basketball #kuroko no basuke #kuroko no basket #knb akashi #akashi twins

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sapphire-weapon · 11 months ago

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Hi again! I'm the RE6 anon. Thank you so much for providing such a lengthy and detailed explanation; I really appreciate it. And as expected you're totally right and you schooled me lol that's why I came to you anyway. I have to say I've had those thoughts for a while, Aeon giving married couple vibes in RE6 for a while now, partly due to popular opinion in the fandom and also because I watched Damnation before playing RE6 a few months back, so I do admit I went into the game with my Aeon glasses on lol BUT sth about it just felt wrong to me, like I wasn't analyzing this the right way, and you filled in the gaps perfectly.

Looking back at it, Damnation has this playful, intimate undercurrent between Leon and Ada, and it's all fun and games but then here comes that ending omg. It's so depressing. You have Ada being Ada on one side and Leon drowning his sorrows on the other. But instead of being like "ok this is the major conflict between them, he knows she's out there doing mercenary stuff but he doesnt seem to care but he's also tired of this life and Ada perpetuates it with her actions SO WHY ISN'T HE DOING STH ABT IT, WHEN IS HE GONNA STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID???", I went into RE6 focusing on the rest of their interactions, the flirting, that night, the game they always play. But like I said, it felt wrong. So I guess I should've listened to my gut.

Bc even when I was playing and trying to be all like uwu look how Leon's standing up for her, I always went back to the Damnation ending in my mind. Like nothing had changed since then. The conflict reached a boiling point, and Leon was even more fucking stupid. And there was another little voice in my head saying yeah of course he wants to save her, it's Leon, he wants to save everyone, and this is Ada of all people, he really cares about her... but where does it go from there? Does he trust her? like 100% trust her? He's doing the most for her but does he ever stop to wonder what she did to get into this mess? does he know her at all? And the answer was immediately fuck no. But I was so used to the fandom opinion and the Aeon dynamic, so used on focusing on the big shiny things when it came to them, that I thought those were the only things that mattered. I was honestly holding onto Aeon as hard as Leon was lmao. But when Ada sends him the message I was like oh ok she really doesn't give a fuck kfjdjd and I felt like a sense of closure bc Leon seems very resolute after that.

Still, I focused on him having her number, her calling him hun, him saving her, Helena implying he will see her again, big shiny things like that, so that's why I was unsure.

Those doubts wouldn't leave my mind tho, and I know nothing is accidental in writing, so that's why I thought I'd bring it up to you bc you just know your stuff.

Thank you so much, that was truly an eye opener 🧡

I think that part of the nuance that's lost is that, like.

Leon is also working for people who perpetuate the problem of bioterrorism. It's not like he's on one side of the fight and she's on the other. Morally, in his mind and his heart, Leon is on one side of the fight. But he can't act on that, because he's trapped by the government.

That was the whole point of his fight with Claire at the end of ID. She knows that Leon feels and thinks a certain way, and she knows that his actions are in direct opposition of those feelings and thoughts. That's the point of the "that suit doesn't suit you" line.

But there's nothing he can do about it. So when Helena gives him the opening to disappear with his legally dead status and run away with Ada, he declines not just because he realizes that he never knew Ada -- but also because nothing in his life would change if he did. He'd still be on "the wrong side" of things. That's another part of the reason he asks "Why are you helping us?"

So like. What we really see at the end of Damnation is Leon and Ada's reactions to fighting the same fight. Ada's thriving and happy to live a life on silk sheets stuffed with money. Leon can't cope with what he's doing, morally. Ada has a choice. Leon doesn't. And so, at the end of RE6, when he's given a choice, he makes sure he makes the one that actually does some good. He can still save Helena if he stays, but running off with Ada would just keep him trapped in place while stripping him of what little power he does have.

And then he won't be able to save anybody.

But when people lose sight of the broader picture of Leon's character because they're so laser-focused on Ada, they miss all of this.

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frys-the-cat · 3 months ago

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Hi!

*drops the anvil in your inbox*

SO.

I dunno how much exactly you know abt Vikings dominion SMP lore, but apparently the end of it was supposed to be along the lines of the whole memory ritual thing. Viking would perform the ritual and in the process split into two parts, Yellow and Blue. I'm paraphrasing from somebody elses post here btw.

But Yellow and Blue had some Interesting Moral Opinions that didn't exactly agree the most with each other, and in that split Blue was going to end up killing Yellow and something something somewhere in the whole bit with that and the memory ritual, somebody was going to fall into the void.

This is relevant because Summertime Viking seems to have vanished to some extent? I dunno still. What I *do* know however, is that we now have one Very Confused Yellow Viking running around on skyblock kingdoms! The sheer excitement in learning he's corporeal again deals minor emotional damage (the fact that you get to hear a ghost cheer about being alive again really makes you Think about how he Wasn't and you feel bad that this is something he had to worry abt to begin with) but also brings joy because!!! He's solid now!!

He also forgets he can't just go through walls anymore a lot though, which makes that internal conflict do Even More damage though. Aw. Buddy :(

Anyways. We have one Very Confused Yellow Viking who does Not know Where he is, nor who any* of these people are, all he knows is that The Void is Scary! And uh. It's skyblock. Also, Avid, in his newfound acceptance of the void is now very passionate in his "praise the void" bit, which is *probably* giving Yellow some minor flashbacks about Jamie, assuming Yellow remembers that much of dominion. I'm assuming he does, because uh.

*He remembers Fix and Josh.

Which I'm sure will go *wonderfully* for his skyblock partner! Who is now Much Taller.

ANYWAYS. My friends got to sit there and listen to me shout at my screen as Yellow proceeded to immediately end up interacting with Avid, who was expecting Summertime Viking, and is confused at Yellow. Avid seemed so sad about some things and I can do naught but sit here. As Yellow goes about doing things, taking a tour around the server, very hesitantly testing his ability to stand in the sun (!!! Emotional damage mr vikingpilot sir you can't keep DOING THIS-) and stashing the jungle kingdom IOU in his ender chest. Because why wouldn't he. He's So Normal about IOU's after all! Definitely should be trusted with an IOU. Definitely.

Anyways. He takes a trip around the server, chats with Trog for a bit, very happy about learning about redstone, and chats with Avid for a bit again. Where Avid says that Milkman should be violence. On sight. Oh dear. Yellow continues with his fly around, he's incredibly baffled as to how there's so much land in the sky btw and it's kinda hilarious, but anyways he finds milkman. Chat at this point starts shouting at him like he's an unruly cat (to be fair, he kinda is) because Yellow's ability to clock hyperbole, exaggeration, or sarcasm, is a little shot right now? So he is Absolutely planning to violence the Milkman. Hence, "DO NOT THE MILKMAN". It reminds me of my cousin trying to get one of their cats out of her christmas tree.

Anyways no violence occurs, Yellow however does inform Milkman of Avid's opinion on violencing the Milkman, and Milkman proceeds to explain that he has several bones to pick with Avid. "More like an entire ribcage" he says, which amuses me to no end.

And of course, because this is relevant to Dominion Viking, on interacting with Milkman, he immediately enters a deal to get himself an IOU. We return to "Do Not the Milkman." Yellow, again, like an unruly cat, cares not for the whims of man, chat, nor god, and is attemting to the Milkman. Okay.

I can't tell if the emotional state is fending off anybody who looks at this poor guy wrong with a baseball bat or if I'm staring at him holding an empty paper towel roll in a threat against committing silly guy crimes.

I'm so sorry for the coherency level here btw.

OH. And as one final note. The line about him being in my walls again is from this wonderful reply! Thank you for that, mr vikingpilot sir. Much appreciated.

Anyways have a nice day 👍😀👍

*gets squashed* Ah! Thank you friend :'3

This... Was a stream? This was a lore stream. I need to watch several hours of vods again...

#friend! sent! an! ask!#vikingpilot #tagging this incase anyone else wants the anvil

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year ago

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vague musing theme re: deh in evan and the Mom & Son theme and evan taking on responsibility for how his own mom feels, and then also connor's. irreconcilable tension in deh, as in life, with [the family unit, at its smallest: a Parent & Child unit] inevitably needing to be validated via supporting whatever conclusion we get (and the conclusion support it in turn) versus whether, actually, that not only Can be enough but Must be enough, b/c of how it cannot be denied, that is: rejected

we have Parallel Moms in the first song, it's a relevant difference that the murphys are relatively rich & the hansens relatively poor, but the Primary effect of this difference being heidi's frequent absence at home due to working, vs. the lack of such financial pressures resulting in cynthia being....stuck at home and trying to figure out anything in life Through her role as Stay At Home Mom, whilest she also Isn't guaranteed more successful connection with her children (or husband, except that: he's Here, married to her) for that, as established already in that first song lol

evan right off the bat taking on the pressure of how his mom needs him to have a good year because also she needs to have a good year, and heidi talking about this in terms of things that evan needs to Do, like, he needs to Order Pizza*, he needs to be Making Friends & then Be Away Hanging Out With Them (*also i always consider how evan Could've avoided getting pizza to not spend the money? but nothing else (besides evan being conscious of financial woes & feeling pressure abt this more generally) really suggests this is the case, and i guess at any given point he has $20 to spare)....then referring to the Resolution of this relationship where suddenly heidi has a turning point offstage (like, offscreen lol) wherein now she can go "oh i didn't know you were Feeling like this" versus like. that the conflict the rest of the time is with her own feelings, of course, and evan's Behavior. wherein she doesn't really mind the bare facts that he's dealing with anxiety, has prescriptions & therapy about it, but she Has minded about the things he needs to Be Able To Do (specifically on his own, mind you) and what's important to Do to get there (despite the letters sure not seeming to help, and then like, never officially being written again. does he still go to therapy appts?)....and that she starts feeling rejected by him As His Mother, which is like, the main issue up until she reads thee letter via facebook and realizes [evan thinks he's failed heidi as her child, because of how he makes her feel (bad)]

that even when heidi refutes this, prior, it's not the answer when like, "you're the one good thing that ever happened to me" is also like about as much pressure as could be put on evan, The Answer here wouldn't necessarily be like "no don't worry, i don't reject you as my child, because of how you Don't make me feel bad / Disappointed"....cynthia illustrating this, though we have little sense of how connor felt, probably not like "i feel really secure b/c my mom definitely isn't disappointed or anything"....and then "sorry i can't give you more than that" from heidi as a followup is Effectively a shutdown to conversation b/c like, what can evan say to that, it's basically on par with something like a sarcastic "well sorry i'm not perfect / i guess i'm the worst parent ever" that's like yeah obviously nobody's perfect nobody's the Best Or Worst person ever, it's a dismissal. which i hardly think heidi's Trying to dismiss evan or anything, or is being disingenuous, but again like "i'm trying my best / i can't give you more than [my best, or your being the best thing in my life]" can't really serve as any kind of Concluding Remarks if the conclusion isn't just like "okay so we haven't reached a resolution but let's cut it out now"....it's fun how of course we can understand how then heidi would find it devastatingly hurtful for evan to be like "well it's not my fault other people can [give [me] more than that]" but it's also like welllll the only reason here it's Not true is because evan's (a) got his World Of Lies going on, which heidi doesn't know is part of this situation & (b) evan is looking for validation that he's Supported as a Child figure to the murphys in these pretty superficial ways lol as per the fantasy of the like ideal suburban untroubled nuclear family unit....cynthia's just Here, with time to cook, larry's just Here, with the willingness to impart his own interests onto evan, they don't know evan has [diagnosis: anxiety] going on, evan feels like he's making these parents feel Better and themselves validated as parents, via both his fiction about how connor was maybe happier than they know, and his performance about being this no-hassle no-problems no-friction child who's also just Here. unlike connor....like tbt like eh excise the part where evan does happen to be making things up to have gotten here, and like. is it so bad he stays at another family's house when his mom's out at work. would it be so [Bad poors] if the murphys paid for college for him. heidi clearly responding to this with a "sorry, our bootstraps, you know" reasoning but Really primarily rejecting it because she's thrown at the apparent realization that evan's Replacing her with the murphys, she's rejected as his Mother....as she makes explicit in the next scene, the I'm Your Mother & they're Not Your Family(tm) like. okay, and? again, she doesn't know evan Wasn't that secretly close to connor lol and part of the point of deh is these lies bleeding into truths from the start, and Why evan lies, which isn't just "b/c he's an evil sicko?" nor as an elaborate scheme to get at zoe though like, at this moment i'm trying to puzzle out what couldn't be improved by zoe Not being a murphy....

well anyways. the tension here being like "yeah when is One Person ever """"enough"""" for anyone else all on their own. why do we demand that happen" like How & Why. no single person could or should be Everything to someone else. we even see how like Two People really don't have the resources for their One Child together completely on their own, and why is it that it Should be whittled down and isolated as much as possible. wherein the costs of being a parent, one who is tasked with bringing up a child with as little external support as possible while also already getting little external support as an individual in the first place (which a spouse, again, One Person, is supposed to fulfill in any/all ways), is supposedly offset like "well the magic of parenthood will be (Should be. if you're a good enough parent (threat)) its own rewards....and btw the child is Yours. they're someone stuck in a house with you. you can have this fantasy about Who They'll Be and try to ensure they become that. sure you're in charge of them (a burden!) but also: you're in charge of them (you can be an authority figure in this one aspect of your life). you can Always have access to them no matter what, because of the fact that as soon as a child exists, you're Now & Forever Their Parent"....i'm your mother, they're not your family....how are cynthia's like Identity Crises that are expressed to her family through cooking resolved? well, so far as we know, they aren't, but hey she's not getting divorced. zoe implying that cynthia's problems are thanks to having nothing to do / not leaving the house, such that gee evan your mom's lucky she Has to work....while evan apparently feels like heidi at least in part is always going to work b/c she hates to be around him, since he's all like well i presume you're so Not Unhappy in being the Mother to my Child that that's why you're always at home, cooking every dinner....like, what happens there? does cynthia join a club? take up a hobby? is evan Right that it's chill being stuck at home if that household is happy (as is the "it's fine having women's lives be Staying At Home, if that household is good enough :)" ideal) like well not sure but the status update is: she's not getting divorced

anyways i'm arguing against the nuclear family including in its theoretical distillation of "well god a Parent & Child if that's the very best you can do" here lmao and uhh deh not so much since the mother & son aspect Must resolve, kind of like what's supposed to be required of the parent & child aspect irl. and not like i think it's terrible it Does resolve, or it shouldn't, in this Story, but it's a definite [shhhruggg] from me like yeah that's nice but like, what's evan have going for him besides "he doesn't think his mom hates him now" (better yeah) and "he has a customer service job" (like oh my god so sorry. is this supposed to be Better? like oh he can order pizzas now? idk we don't get enough detail. ppl just get a part time job like yeah it's fine. i also have part time schooling but i'm saying it's a year off?) and this is not disconnected from how i feel about the Evan Needs To Believe He Could Have The Theoretical Perfect Gf which has to be answered in the end by zoe like, yeah i Wish we could date without the history. alas....like, Huh. why is she saying this (a) as a character & (b) as the conclusion to this story? god knows, but not like we don't know the ideals of Romance are also considered keys to the success of the nuclear family, and are an interim goal even if you don't have the kids yet, or like a begrudged Alternate goal as the next most adjacent thing, being Single has to be as vulnerable as it is re: any material or emotional support as Needed, much less what is Wanted for any further fulfillment. down to destruct the nuclear family & romance in one fell swoop baby. pointing at the camera and deh you're first (this sentence is a joke, the previous one is humorous but fully in earnest. kind of like [jared & alana (especially alana re: the earnestness)])

anyways again this is all still vague lol just sure Noting how very relevant it is that evan is motivated by a sense of his responsibility in how he affects his mother's like overall emotional landscape. while heidi does derive / seek emotional support from evan. not like her kid can be Emotionally Irrelevant to her, or like there's no good & relevant way for evan to be aware of or interact with her feelings. or like all of this is saying the point i want to make is that heidi is terrible or something. the parent i'm firing out of a cannon & into the sun is larry though lol. like heidi, being a person, can be Imperfect, and have an imperfect relationship with anyone, including her son, and have feelings, and care about her role as a mother....and all this can Not be resolved by evan simply not hating her either, or by anything else All hinging on her son. like how idk how cynthia's gonna do better than she was even before she was a grieving parent when nothing's changed for her except that a manifestation of happier memories is i guess enough that her terrible marriage can be sustained lol. larry's arc starting out dismissive ending up dismissive, with some dismissiveness in between...an anti larry zone here for sure

meanwhile it's sure just Something that like, heidi transitions into this equivalent role with 2 of evan's Peers in good for you. other people having noted that heidi being previously Rejected & presumably also pretty much fully cut out of the life of her ex husband is playing into her feelings here: a relationship of hers with a Peer. just now as i type this being like hmm interesting to juxtapose this with [so big so small] moving Away from this perhaps by tapping into evan being like a very small child. while the murphy parents, again, find resolution in turn by remembering better times with also much younger than he was connor....aaand in both cases presumably less "difficult" children than when they're teens :I like i wouldn't have heidi Not be mad or anything, another whole point here is that i wouldn't expect nor demand deh to be like, issuing a Statement about "and everything you saw up here is a model of the ideal family experience okay," heidi can even feel petty about it or have whatever other reaction and of course she's gonna feel hurt but like when it comes to Good For You i'm like, alana's grievances? hell yes go off. jared's grievances? hell yes go off. heidi's grievances? yeah alright but actually i'm more so on evan's side on this one lol....even when this scene establishes a clear pattern of "evan is also being petty & hurtful to people on purpose with his remarks here as he lashes out at each of them as things come to a head and he's deflecting responsibility" like yeah. and i feel entirely sympathetic to jared and alana here and not Unsympathetic to heidi so much as there's very immediate limits to that and (a) i don't think shutting everything down Because We're Family / I'm Your Parent as a fallback to whatever you do To your kids or whatever you fail to do For them, is legitimate, positive, constructive, non coercive and (b) heidi does & has been looking too much to evan for emotional support. wherein, again, don't need to go "i guess it's b/c she's a terrible individual" when it's like, she lives in a society....what else Does she have? where else is she Supposed to get any & all emotional needs met outside the bounds of her household (family) and her role as a parent/mother?

which is not really unrelated to evan's situation out here wherein, where is He supposed to find support and get his needs met? he doesn't feel that [at home] is providing that, even with him at least in part blaming himself for that, b/c he's not a good enough child for his mother. he turns to school as an avenue for Friendship, and when alana doesn't singlehandedly fix his whole life with a Hi before homeroom, nor does jared, and btw connor wasn't gonna do that either even if the "again i'm sorry i pushed you" hadn't been [their interaction: gone to shit: 2], like uh oh once again One Person isn't being Everything by virtue of somehow the status of "friend" making everything inherently perfect, or, [making everything perfect] defining the status of "friend," see: For Forever. see: how in sincerely me you have jared & evan effectively discussing, by proxy & creative fiction & plausible deniability, the presence of Effort & Communication in a relationship, as well as pretty much laying out a mutual belief in / effort towards successfully Becoming the person you'd like to be through deciding on who that even is and then just like, trying to be them lol. a sentiment that could hardly be wholly dismissed, people having goals, inevitably changing so you may as well be trying to be growing, but that ofc they don't have the perfect ideas at 17 of who they wanna be, How to be that person, and they sure really don't have much support to draw on for whatever efforts, And this being driven too much by insecurity & self-loathing re: who they already are, no pressure from anyone around them....and evan of course ending up thinking well the only thing that could fix my life is Romance, a Gf. and then he's not only finding himself in a situation where he feels responsible for another mom's feelings (cynthia), and feels like how people can think of the concept of connor is how they can think about him, & As he's navigating those things he starts feeling like he's finding some of What He Needs, and he already felt like it was up to him alone to do that, so of course it all escalates / continues for the next like hour & a half....he Is isolated, they all are, and not just because like uh oh evan on that damn phone

and then idk it's like yeah heidi realizing evan was actually thinking She was gonna reject Him and she tells him she won't. and for some reason zoe has to crop up to reassure evan about his potential for romance in general; meanwhile she's doing fine b/c....her parents' marriage is doing better = they're going on dates = also how cynthia is doing okay? idk. and no status updates on the couple of peers who also had no friends, weren't dating anyone, and didn't really mention family except alana's grandmother having died and jared not telling his parents anything and then only mentioning them previously to basically avoid getting in trouble with them oh and also how they'll be gone for a weekend so he's inviting his boy best friend to hang out with him the whole time like HMM to all of that!!! like well i don't think deh is really Trying to reach the most Definitive Conclusions in its story & what it's exploring, and that's great b/c (a) yeah there's a lot going on in there! and (b) it sure doesn't lmao. and i would always be detached from & in disagreement with "idk but Nuclear Family & Nuclear Romance must be like, It, right" or "idk. just be more normal" lmao. where'd your gay little peers go for the past half hour. bring them back out here

anyways i said "vague" so that i didn't have to try to muster a thesis. like yeah just noting Evan Feeling Responsible For Moms' Feelings: His Own, & Connor's, as very relevant up to his mom reassuring him she can't Feel like rejecting him / doesn't hate him. evan making sure to Behave as conveniently as possible around the murphys, and around his mom as well; while what heidi tends to talk about is what evan can/should Do, including how he should be Trying to feel, and as ppl often notice she doesn't have great boundaries, and as i'm at least noting, does need validation from evan / puts her insecurity on him in turn where again up until so big so small she's worrying about him possibly rejecting her. though she does seem to be Over That upon realizing evan felt That Bad, actually, and like thank god yeah evan doesn't have dialogue about "yeah btw mom i will never disown you" lmao. can sure look at this as just like, well, some "doing the best with what one's got?" wherein uh oh we Don't have much support outside this household/family, so it's good to improve it....like yeah sure lol and would be good if it was good even if they did both have a zillion other important connections to turn to in their lives. again, let's destroy romance and the nuclear family. and a further improvement were if cynthia got a divorce and befriended heidi (awkward at first but idc. here: they meet at a social group for divorcees and go from there lmao)

#deh #the spirit of kleinsen is very much in this post lmfao but didn't outright discuss it #meanwhile not b/c the works need to be compared but b/c i know & think about the both of them:#by contrast i'm going Yippee leaping into the air ft. a freeze frame + Caring when it comes to The Pants Song / scene

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