#we just have to fill the gaps ourself
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thymejot · 2 months ago
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As disappointing as it was that we didn't get to see how Rio and Agatha met
How Agatha won Rios heart
How after Nicky died, they fell into each other time and time again
Until Agatha broke that toxic cycle by hiding behind the power of the Darkhold (it happens in my head, so it must be true)
The one positive is that we can come up with that by ourselves
They can have their first and last kiss in a million different ways
Until something else comes out to contradict us, the only limit is our imagination
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mspobjects · 2 years ago
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hiiii im gonna like forfeit silly talk to be genuine for a moment (it's nothing serious, just a little bit of explanation)
very sorry if we post a little less for the next couple of days/weeks!! we're involved in both competitive and audition based choirs that take up basically all of our time for practices/rehearsals. we have a dinner night this weekend, an audition for our state's choir next monday, and loads and loads of show choir competitions to get ready for, and needless to say it's a LOT of dedication and love put in to doing a good job. that isn't to say that we're stressed, we're just prioritizing something we love!!
moreover, though, we've been having a harder time keeping track of memory and self-awareness. if you weren't previously aware, we are a system (hence why we refer to ourself as "we" when talking about the body) with some pretty intense memory gaps. we've had a more trouble keeping ourself grounded and aware as of late, so our attention span with things like this has been a little foggy. also, we've been worried about posting because we try to keep stylistic choices to something relatively the same when posting on this blog, but it's just a little hard when it's not something that comes naturally to you. for me personally, i just don't have the same thought process while drawing that the host (aka the one who did most of the artwork up to this point) has, which makes his art a little hard to replicate. it's pretty safe to say we need a hot second to simmer down a little ^^""
this doesn't mean we won't post at all, of course! this just means that the quality + quantity might be a little less for the next little portion of time. we thought it was important to fill you all in on this one since it might take a little more explaining to get that we're alright and like not burnt out or something (plus it's nice to get to tell people about the things that are important to you).
with that being said, please feel free to send in more silly suggestions/prompts! we can use them for doodles and stuff and maybe post them here if we like em' enough! this is in no way a hiatus or anything lol
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anonymous4998 · 1 year ago
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Loneliness
It’s such a stupid yet complex thing. You may or may not have many people close to you yet you still end up feeling it. It’s something that you are not able to escape,it feels like a knife penetrating through you when you least expect it.
I find it quite strange the way it works.
A very realistic example of when this feeling might start to appear is when you are with your group of friends. Let’s imagine this, there are 5 people within your friendship group (including yourself):
1 - 1 (one pair of friends that are extremely close to each other)
1 - 1 (there’s another pair of friends that are extremely close to each other)
1 (you)
Keep in mind that you get along with all 4 friends perfectly fine and that you all chat as a group when you are together. But when you are all apart,nobody within the group even bothers to text you at all unless they are asking for something - such as confirmation of dates.
You’re just there. Feeling like a backup.
And, to some extent,that is the reality of the situation.So,it begins. The feeling of loneliness.
But why? You have 4 friends to chat with.You could always text them first and ask to hang out or to do whatever.
My guesses are that you also wish to have someone that close to you. Someone that is willing to put effort in for you,someone that would remember small details about you or even someone that would text first from time to time.I would even go as far as to call it jealousy - a pinch of jealousy.
Another example I have noticed,is that even if people say otherwise, we categorise ourself into different communities where we hope to find like-minded individuals to interact with. Sometimes, we wish to be included within a certain group but might end up being rejected and I believe that this is where the loop for certain people start with ‘loneliness’ as they have no choice but to get involved within another group that will ‘accept’ them.
But this doesn’t apply all the time.
I myself have had my fair share of this torturous feeling just like others and while I try to ignore it,I think to myself:
“Maybe I’m just not likeable”
“Maybe I’m just boring”
“Maybe I’m just annoying”
and so on,these thoughts further develop into what feels like a blade just stabbing me deeper and deeper into my self-esteem. Destroying every last positive thought I had about myself, it’s damaging - I am aware. I’ve tried my best to fill this massive gap within my body by reassuring myself that I am loved and many people appreciate me. However, clearly it has not been working well for I still feel like I am not special to anybody or to myself even.
And since you have got this far,let me ask you this, what do you think about loneliness? Do you think it’s temporary or a permanent feeling?
Here,over and out.
01/08/2023 - 1:00 AM
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vinnieworld · 4 years ago
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5 tips to boost 5 days of Productivity
We all love to procrastinate and most of us (including myself) have made sport out of this, but is this how we really should be approaching things?
The answer is NO.... apparently
So join me in my self evaluation of bringing you 5 tips how I avoided procrastination by being a bit lazy.
Being productive for a whole week when you have too much on your plate but you spend your entire weekend scrolling through social media... well me too :)
Though Mondays suck, its a brand NEW week so we can't let Mondays win and ruin out entire week right?
Tip 1 - Preparation before the week start
- Make a to do list - For the next day or the week
A short list of your most prioritised tasks e.g. starting that essay you been avoiding, even if it just picking the ttile
Make sure to not put too much pressure on these tasks
Keep it simple
DO NOT put too many things, be realistic only add things you know you can achieve
Little ramble on how this helped me :)
We all have those sleepless nights, especially when you have a 9am lecture/class the next day. Somehow you end up going to sleep at 4am still make it to your lecture on time, though the rush might be exciting this is not the way to start the week because your mind will get used to this so much and this becomes your normal routine.
Not going to lie, I am super guilty of this but I found out this not only drains my energy, it strips me away from my motivation and make me lazy all the time.
So one bazzare night I thought to myself what would I potentially want to do this coming week, so I got my phone started typing my "potential" to do list for the week, okay the list was quite long and seemed quite overwhelming, and I knew I wouldn't do all of this so though I made the list I didn't put too much pressure on this. When I checked back in the middle of the week I did most of the things on the do to list unconsiously. This was so surprising I never get things done.... what changed ?
Most of the time we put too much pressure ourself, that's why we procrastinate and they avoid the things we need to do. The minute the pressure is gone you get the urge to do your things even if you are unaware of it.
Tip 2 - Follow today's work TODAY
- Follow the lecture and make notes while you're attending the lecture
Take brief notes on what's on the slides
If the lecturer give extra info add those especially
DO NOT panic if you don't write everything on the slide, remember these are brief notes to for later revision
Speed is not important, what's important is that you have something written on the paper
when the lecture/class is finished fill in the gaps you left during it, do this right after while you still have the energy.
one page = one lecture (unless the lecture is 90 slides then its bit tricky)
Little ramble on how this helped me :)
I personally find it very hard to keep on top of things, especially with how different lecturers have different methods and speed with delivering their content. I tried many methods, recording the lectures, printing the slides, handwriting everything but it only made me bored of the things I was learning.
I can't stare at pages and pages of writing when I'm trying to revise, so best way for me to do this is if I have one page or two for the entire lecture. This helped me a lot of condense my notes, motivated me to keep writing and I felt accomplished by the end of every lecture.
Tip 3 - Keep one book for all your modules
- Invest in a chunky subject divider notebook
This is where you write the notes form the previous tip
One book to take to all your lectures, don't have to carry five or more
Write all the assignment and exams for that subject in the dividers (Kinda like a self-reminder)
Keep a general section where you write extra information that relates to the subjects (e.g. extra seminars, extra activity sessions, groups project notes, your own research for subjects, assignment preparation etc. )
Little ramble on how this helped me :)
Most of my detailed notes are digitalised, this is way easier then writing hours and hours of detailed notes by hand. But all the modules, lectures, practicals are separated so it's too much of hassle to find what I want when I want to have a quick glance at something.
Dividing the book by subject and seeing different content I am going to need regularly being on one place really is therapeutic for me, give me less stress so I don't have to spend time looking through pages of notes to find just one sentence.
Having one book for all my modules, helped me so much to keep on motivated to write notes and keep on top of it and when I revisit it, it's so pleasing to the eye.
Tip 4 - Write flashcards on the day
- Put little bit of extra into a flashcard
Once you finished a lecture, read back and pick the most key bits and write a maximum three sentences
Keep it very very brief
Think of pictograms for some words. e.g. little blog with stokes for a virus or a spark for electricity
Some info you can't fit on your page put it on the flashcard, like a diagram or a table
Little ramble on how this helped me :)
I am a sucker for flashcards, seeing them makes me so happy to revise. But making them when an exam is near is frustrating so if you make them before by the time you get your exam season you already have flashcards to revise from. How convenient!
Tip 5 - Write a sentence or research a bit everyday for your assignments
- Every time you feel like you done nothing today take a look assignment and write sentence - Take this step by step everyday and add information along the way
Pick a title first for whatever your assignment is
Do basic research on the title you chose
Do a basic plan
Improve on the basic research
Add information to the plan
and ect....
Little ramble on how this helped me :)
Doing assignments is tricky, very boring, they can be very long and stressful so we avoid even starting it until the day before it's due. Okay, we all work well under pressure but we don't really produce our best work under a day so investing little time everyday or every other helped me to produce more quality work than normal and it was less pressuring and stressful when I started the binge writing on two three days before the deadline, because all the research, preparation is done all I had to do was write and improve my work along the way.
I actually cannot recommend this enough because it saved me from a lot of breakdowns over my assignments. Just by adding something to it every now and then I basically finished my first draft by the time I actually want to start to write properly.
Bonus tip - Take the weekend off! - > If you're like me and get bored very easily with doing the work then follow these tips for the days you have school or uni, finish everything by Friday and take the whole weekend of .... TRUST ME you will be much more prepared for Monday.
Thank you so much ya'll for reading this, I do ramble a lot but it's a part of me that I embrace so I hope this was helpful for you and make sure to tell me your thoughts and feelings.
Till next time Lovelies x
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hanna-water · 3 years ago
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hey hey! I am doing some research on Sascha's story and I was wondering if you maybe know how old he was when his parents got divorced?
This is a very interesting question but as far as I remember that was never mentioned on the show. Still so many things we don`t know about Sascha. I have 2 theories though: Theory 1: His parents seperated (we don`t know for sure if they had been married) a long time ago, probably when he was a child. Why? I simply base that idea on his apartment situation. He and Isi are childhood friends and even his mum is close friends with the Incis, otherwise they would not have been invited to the christmas dinner. Because of that I would conclude that Sascha and his mum have moved into their apartment close to the Incis several years ago. Berlin is a very expensive city when it comes to renting/buying an apartment (also difficult to find one). It would be a logical thing to move into a smaller place after you seperated from your partner because there is one person less in the household as well as one income less. Judging from the size and furniture of Saschas room I think that his mum has an average income and their financial situation is very different from the Incis (who have a more spacious and stylish apartment). I am not saying the Belins are poor but maybe lower middle class. So it would have made no sense if they already lived in that apartment when his parents where still together and then just continued staying there after the break up, even though they needed less space and his mum had to shoulder the rent alone. Another thing that speaks for this theory is that Sascha visiting his dad seems very established. It does not feel as if it`s something new or unusual and Sascha also never mentioned his parents arguing or something like that (except to Lou at the car party but we don`t know if he was talking about the past or present). To me that felt like he and his mum are very used to the situation. Theory 2: His parents separated when he was in 9th or 10th grade and that was one of the reasons why he left school after 10th grade and started an apprenticeship instead of doing the A-level. I am not saying that there is anything bad about doing an apprenticeship or that there has to be a special reason for leaving school earlier but I feel like Sascha is very smart and could have easily gotten his A-level and afterwards done an apprenticeship but would have kept a few more options for the future. In germany about 50% of students get the A-level and many do it even though they don`t plan to study but want to improve their chances for better future jobs and job trainings (because they`ll be already 18/19 when they finish and that makes some things easier). Thats why I wondered why Sascha made a different choice, even though I love that about him ❤. Maybe things were getting tough at home :( while he was close to finishing middle school and the pressure of his parents fighting all the time and then their financial situation changing, lead him to leave school earlier to support his mum and become more independent. Very possible that I am totally off track here and Sascha simply loves handcrafting and his choice has nothing to do with his parents, but we can only guess. :) It`s really sad that we did not learn more about Sascha in season 7 and have to fill so many gaps ourselfes. The only chance for a little bit more insight into his character I see in a possible Ava season. Because she is the only one except Isi who is close to him and they actually planned to work on music together. For all other Mains I don`t really see a way of getting much Sascha-screentime. But we`ll see. I pass the question on to the tag: Has anyone found any hints during the show about when Saschas parents split?
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loveinaphetsel · 3 years ago
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To the Friend We Haven’t Seen for a While
As they say, in life, people come and go--and the sad part is, even that very person you thought who will never leave will decide to do so one day. And when it happens, our instinct usually tells us to do whatever we can to earn the good graces of everyone, we hold on to the memories and make ourself believe that maybe they just need sometime alone. And you’ll try to win them back because you are not yet ready to lose them, until your effort doesn’t do anything good and you feel like you’re the only one trying.
I wonder if we have a specific word for this kind of loss--“friendship breakup”, “dumping or cutting off your friend”, or should we call them “Casper” not as the friendly ghost rather the friend who ghosted. What’s hard with this kind of breakup is that there’s no full stop, ‘cause there’s nothing to disentangle, someone just have to deal with being left alone, filling in the gaps, going through all the possible scenarios that could give you answer to all the “why’s” you have in mind, things that you might have done or said that landed as a slight on that person. I believe we all go through the same pain as to when we have boyfriend-girlfriend breakup. But what made this much harder is when you’ve been cut off and you haven’t heard any reason behind. They just woke up one day and simply decided that they don’t want you anymore in their life, without you knowing why. Maybe it will be somehow easier to cope with when you’re not left endlessly contemplating about the “why’s”, the “what if’s” and “could have been’s”.
We started as a group, I had my own confidant in another person while you two have each other's back all the time. Until fate brought me closer to the two of you. We planned out and went to dozen of trips together, did countless of overnights and sleepovers and even set the same goal of living and chasing our dreams in the Land Down Under. I feel like with you two, I can achieve anything, that I can be anything I wanted to be. And here we are, living on our dreams, smiling ear-to-ear with each other, celebrating each milestones apart or together, being the same old us, working our asses off to save some dime that could bring us to our where-to-next destination. And then one day, you started to give us excuses of why you're not coming to our simple invites.  At first, I thought it's just because you're busy, that our schedule simply doesn't meet with yours. But as days go by, your excuses started to sound so lame, that it becomes more of a habit and they sounded so rehearsed and has been repeatedly used. Without knowing the real reason behind your actions, we tend to keep on blaming ourselves, trying to recall every scenario that could lead us to where we are now, to "why" you became so distant. And to be honest, it is starting to exhaust me, to the fact that I get prickly irritated every time you make us feel subtly disregarded and left out. We felt that you were intentionally avoiding us, that every time we’d go and try to ask you out and spend a day to catch up, you will always say you can’t or just straight out decline our invites. And the sad thing is, you never rescheduled it, we felt that you don’t have that eagerness or initiative to go out and see us, even your replies were as cold as ice. And you know what, we could have mend this if you just made us feel that we are wanted. Hope you realize how much a simple gesture from you would mean to us. But we are still keeping our positive thoughts about this, we’re looking forward to that day when all the "why's" will be answered and we will be back to our old selves enjoying each others' company.  However, if what we have is no longer making you happy, I am very much open to let you go and let you discover the world on your own. Maybe, for you we are just a chapter, and now that you're onto the new chapter of your life you're ready to leave us behind. But dear, please give us the ending that we deserve. And if ever you're just hibernating, please make us feel better by not giving us a cold shoulder. As much as I want us to be present in each other's life forever, if you think that our presence is no longer serving you any purpose at all, then by all means do whatever will make you happy. Just always remember that we will still hold on to what we have, we won't be insisting but in case you need us, note that we're just here, we'll pick up where we left off....
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vocalfriespod · 5 years ago
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Don’t Mind the Gap Transcript
Megan Figueroa: Hi, and welcome to the Vocal Fries Podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.
Carrie Gillon: I'm Carrie Gillon.
Megan Figueroa: And I'm Megan Figueroa. And we have an exciting episode, today.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: It's really good.
Megan Figueroa: I know, I teased about it on Twitter, and [crosstalk] –
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: – I'm so glad that it's finally coming out. It's, I think it's really good and it's really relevant.
Carrie Gillon: It's really relevant.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: It's always relevant, but probably even more so right now.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yes.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Exactly. Before we get into the interview [laughs], there's so much shit happening in the world –
Carrie Gillon: It is true.
Megan Figueroa: Um –
Carrie Gillon: There's too much going on, really.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, and, um, maybe it feels like some of these things aren't as important, but I like to think that the little space we've carved for ourself is making a difference, somehow. So, it is important that we talk about these things. I was thinking [laughs] about, um, you know, since the United States is on fire, right now, um –
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: – and it's Supreme Court season, um – I don't know who it was that said it, but someone – I think it was a New York Times article – described Sonia Sotomayor's, um, dissent against the, uh, Muslim ban was "lashing out"?
Carrie Gillon: Yep, I think it was the New York Times. They've been bad about this kind stuff, recently.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah. And the problem with saying "lashing out," this would be problematic if it were just a woman, like, straight, like, a white woman, right? Because it's tone policing. But for it to be a Latina woman, there's the added element of the stereotype that Latinas are emotional or fiery.
Carrie Gillon: Yep.
Megan Figueroa: Right? So, um, yeah, of course, a lot of times, um, people say that women are hysterical or emotional anyway, um, but there's this, like, added layer of Latinas somehow being even more, um, fiery and ill-tempered or something like that. So, the, the choice of words was not great [laughs] –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, I mean, I, I think they also said "passionate," which is also bad –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – but somehow not as bad as "lashing out."
Megan Figueroa: Right. Uh, it somehow – well, it's pejorative, right, I mean?
Carrie Gillon: "Lashing out" is pejorative, and "passionate" can be, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: Like, you can be passionate about something in a way that is positive –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – or you can be passionate about something in a way that's, like, "Oh, calm down." Which is I think how that came across, and for good reason.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: But "lashing out" really makes it obvious that it's pejorative. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, and I feel like, even with "passionate," there is this double standard where, if we would've called Justice Kennedy passionate, somehow maybe more people would have cared and it would've been, like, "Well, if a man can get passionate about it, then this must be really important, or there must be a good reason for it."
Carrie Gillon: Right, it's like when Boehner would cry –
Megan Figueroa: Oh –
Carrie Gillon: – and that was, like, seen as a good thing.
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: But if a woman had cried under the same circumstances, that would've been –
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: – horrifying.
Megan Figueroa: Yes, exactly.
Carrie Gillon: No, I totally agree, I think "passionate" is bad, uh, bad enough, but in contrast [laughs], "lashing out" is just way worse.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah. I mean, there's no good reason to describe it that way, especially since the, the part, um, that they were pointing to was her reading the president's, uh, own words back at him, I believe, so it wasn't even her own words.
Carrie Gillon: And, you know, you should be allowed to lash out at words that are, have, are so full of animus.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, and so, like, fuckin' racist [laughs] and Islamophobic.
Carrie Gillon: Yep.
Megan Figueroa: So, yeah, maybe we should be able to "lash out," quote-unquote.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, there's been a lot of tone policing, recently, a lot of calls for civility –
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: – in the face of horrific violence and, um, trauma. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: Uh, just yesterday, um, there – well, uh, yesterday from when we're recording, so a few days ago for people listening, but – a newspaper office in Maryland was just shot up, and one of the survivors said "fuck" on TV about it, basically, "Fuck your, you know, thoughts and prayers. I want more." Um, and [laughs] Marco Rubio, among others, were, like, "Oh, why is it okay to say 'fuck' on TV, now?" Like, like that's the issue.
Megan Figueroa: Oh, I didn't – I knew that he tweeted that, like, he was so upset that the word "fuck" was being used, and I had no idea it was about that, specifically.
Carrie Gillon: Yep.
Megan Figueroa: Wow.
Carrie Gillon: Yep.
Megan Figueroa: Oh, my god. Yeah, yeah, as if that's, that's the real tragedy, here.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah. I mean, this has always been a problem in probably many societies since [laughs] time immemorial, but right now, it just feels like – maybe it's because everything's on fire. Like, everything is a dumpster fire, everything is the worst, and so, uh, if you don't wanna deal with that, if you wanna pretend it's not the case, the only thing that you can do is tone police.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, it's true. And tone policing is, ultimately, gaslighting.
Carrie Gillon: It's like saying, "What you're feeling is not real," or it's not real enough. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Exactly, exactly. And when it comes from people in positions of power –
Carrie Gillon: And it always does, right? I can't imagine –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: – that you can really pull this shit if you're not in some kind of power position.
Megan Figueroa: Right. I mean, there are the trolls on the Internet, but usually they're – men. Or white.
Carrie Gillon: Right, and they might have less power than, say, you and, you or me –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – but there are still people that have less power than us that they're –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – wielding their power over –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – anyway. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: [Sighs] Anyway, today's been a – I mean, this week has been rough.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, and I, I say to it, uh, fuck civility. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, me, too. I've never been one of those, like, "Civility's the most important thing."
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: I've, I've been more of a eh, time and place, but recently it's, like, well, now, there's no time and place for civility. Like, uh, this is an emergency.
Megan Figueroa: Or the, the time and place is to be uncivil. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, yeah, I guess that's better, that's a better way of putting it.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, civility's not gonna get us anywhere.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, it's the whole thing where, um, differing opinions can be respected, as long as you're not trying to, like, undermine someone's existence. And that's just happening all over the place, right now.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, we're not fighting over, like – like, someone said, said on Twitter, basically, you know, we can fight over, like, levels of taxation, like –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: – those are things that we can fight over and, and still respect each other about. But we can't fight over – yeah, like, women's right to exist, or people, people of color's, uh, right to exist, or – like, fill-in-the-blank [laughs] right to exist. We can't fight over that, like, this is – anyway. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Oh, well, sorry, all of our listeners that are in America, right now, the US – [Laughter]
Carrie Gillon: Or anywhere, really. Because unfortunately, whatever happens here is going to trickle out to other countries, in some way or other. I mean, look at the, all the trade wars.
Megan Figueroa: I know, I know, Canada's, what putting a lot of tariffs on US goods and such and blah and –
Carrie Gillon: Right. And that's gonna directly affect Canadians, because many of our products come from the United States, and so –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: – the prices are gonna go up [sighs] –
Megan Figueroa: Is this, is this the new, uh, trickle-down economics? [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, kind of. [Laughs] Trickle-out anyway.
Megan Figueroa: Yep. [Laughter] Well, anyway, um, the world is terrible, but we have an excellent guest and an excellent episode for you, um, doing the interview. I left feeling great after, so.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, that was a really good episode, I mean, really good interview, for sure, for sure.
Megan Figueroa: Oh, and one thing, before we get into it: Patreon. We released our June bonus Patreon episode that's usually just for our Patreon five-dollar-a-month, um, subscribers, so that you all could see what it's like. Um, so go check that out, and hopefully you'll be, like, "This is the shit that I need to get into." [Laughter]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, hopefully you're, like, "Oh, yes, I enjoy just listening to them ramble on about random topics." [Laughter]
Megan Figueroa: Exactly. Exactly. [Laughter]
Carrie Gillon: Although, I think it was a good one, because it was really fun.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Yeah, so –
Carrie Gillon: So, yeah, if you wanna join us, uh, you can. The address is patreon.com/vocalfriespod.
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, so, uh, yeah, and then, I hope you enjoy this episode.
[Music playing]
Megan Figueroa: All right, so, today, we are lucky to be joined by Dr. Nelson Flores. Um, he is an associate professor – yay, just got tenure – in educational linguistics at the University of Pennsylvania graduate school of education. Uh, Dr. Flores has a Ph.D. in urban education, from the CUNY graduate school at the City University of New York. His research involves the study of the historical and contemporary instantiations of raciolinguistic ideologies, where language and race are co-constructed in ways that marginalize racialized communities. Nelson, thank you so much for joining us.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Thanks for having me.
Megan Figueroa: So, um, I mean, I've wanted to have you on, um, anyway, but it just so happens that you, uh, you are involved in a little bit of a controversy on Twitter. There's a thing happening, right now, with the so-called 30 million word gap. I thought that it would be great to talk to you about it. So, tell us, what, what is the 30 million word gap?
Dr. Nelson Flores: So, the 30 million word gap is an idea that emerged from a study that was published in 1995, that, essentially, makes the argument that low-income children hear 30 million fewer words than middle-class or upper-class children, within the first few years of life. The argument being that that so-called word gap is what is the primary culprit for their academic, um, challenges that they confront in school.
Megan Figueroa: Right. It was born out of this, the Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experiences of Young Children, right, by Hart and Risley?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Correct.
Megan Figueroa: So, I had to read that book, and I was looking over it, when I was about to talk to you, and I just had to – I mean, this kinda gives you a feel, everyone. So, here's, here's one sentence that I, uh, highlighted [laughs]: "Quality interactions seem to come so naturally to the parents in well-functioning families, as to suggest that a certain amount of quality interaction may be essential to basic language competence." So, it's filled with these things, and I don't know, I mean, for you, Nelson, I, I'm imagining, too, there's, like, a visceral reaction to, to hearing something like that [crosstalk]?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Yes, yes –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – there is. I mean, let's even begin by unpacking what the term "quality" even means.
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, it's a very arbitrary term that is concerning – that researchers are using in some type of kind of way that seems like it's objective. Quality is in the eye of the beholder, right? What's quality to one person may not be quality to the other. And what Hart and Risley and many people who propose the word gap do is that, they take practices that have typically been associated with middle-class, upper-middle-class affluent white populations, and, surprise, surprise, they decide that those are quality. Um, which, of course, is not an objective statement, um, and, one could argue, is actually a racist statement, to claim that a particular cultural background is higher-quality than the other.
And to be clear, I'm not suggesting that white middle-class and upper-class people don't have a rich cultural practices that they engage in. The issue is that all communities have rich cultural and linguistic practices that they engage in, and that's something that the word gap discourse completely ignores. It completely ignores decades of anthropological research that documents the rich cultural and linguistic practices of all communities, and supposes that the practices of one is somehow objectively more quality than others.
Megan Figueroa: How, then, does this get reinforced? Because I know it's in the mainstream consciousness right now, and we'll talk about that in a second, but how has it been reinforced for so many years? For decades.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Well, because it is part of a much longer history where the language practices of racialized communities, of low-income communities, have always been framed through a deficit lens. Now, if we even go back to the early years of European colonialism, we can see raciolinguistic ideologies being used to dehumanize indigenous communities. Where people would describe the language practices of indigenous peoples as, um, almost animalistic, as a form of dehumanization. Now, nowadays, people wouldn't say things like, "People are speaking like animals," or at least most people wouldn't say that. Um, but the underlying logic of there's something somehow deficient about the language practices of racialized communities has remained consistent since the early days of European colonialism. And so, it's not surprising that the 30 million word gap is so seductive, because it reinforces all of these ideologies that people have been socialized into accepting, for multiple generations.
Megan Figueroa: Right. And you give an example of this in one of your, um, blog posts, um, or at least an analogy as to, to the war on poverty, um, or the war on drugs, that these are kind of the things that we grew up with believing, that are built on a foundation of racism. Um, but that are trying to be solving some bigger problem, but really, we're not addressing the true problem.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, and, I mean, and you can trace these discourses, they're consistent throughout history, of putting the onus on racialized communities to undo their own oppression by modifying their behaviors, rather than undoing the structures that actually are the primary challenges that they confront.
Megan Figueroa: Why, why is it in the con – so, it's this new article that was published, I believe April 2018 article? – very recently – by Sperry et al. And, so, they are refuting Hart and Risley's claim, and people aren't happy. So, they refute it by saying that there's incredible variation in the vocabulary environments in different socioeconomic status homes. What Hart and Risley failed to do was to look at sort of a larger picture of the vocabulary that children are getting, is that right?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. So, they, essentially, made the claim that they, uh, replicated the Hart and Risley study, and found that the differences were really just as big within the social class as between them. Uh, because we have to remember, the Hart and Risley sample was a fairly small sample, right? They, they –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – based their arguments on a sample of six, um –
Megan Figueroa: Families, six families, right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – six families, that were called, I think, "welfare families," in the actual book, and have made these broad claims based on six families. Um –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – which is questionable in and of itself, right?
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs] Yeah, that's, that's – I can't even believe they got away with that, but.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, and, uh –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And again, I think it's because it's something that people already believe, so people say, "Oh, yeah, of course it's true, because it must be true, because we've been taught that it's true." Um, and so, what this new study did was do something similar, and find that there actually weren't these hugs differences across social class groups. And immediately, um, there were critiques about the methodology. And I think some of the critiques about the methodology are fair, because no methodology is perfect, right?
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, exactly.
Dr. Nelson Flores: We always are making decisions about the research we do, and there's always issues with the decisions that we make. But what I found interesting was the fact that people who were critiquing this new study for its methodological – for its supposed methodological flaws, um, were uncritically citing the Hart and Risley study, which has been critiqued over and over again. So it feels a big disingenuous to –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – point to the methodological faults of the new study – which some of them, again, may be fair – without acknowledging that the study that they're citing as the foundation of their work also has extremely questionable methods that they use. And are making conclusions that really aren't necessarily reflected even in the data that they have.
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Megan Figueroa: One of the big things that Spiri et al points out, and you've talked about, um, is that you're ignoring a lot of the cultural interactions that happen that you can't just look at by asking the, the parents or the immediate caretakers, "What words does your child know?"
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. Right, like, language is not just a series of decontextualized vocabulary words. And more isn't always necessarily better.
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: There are lots of social practices that we engage in, where being concise and using fewer words is actually seen as better than using more words, right?
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: So, even the idea that more is inherently better isn't –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – universal and isn't necessarily true. But of course, we actually use language to engage in social practices with other people. So we're not just listing vocabulary words [laughs] when we're talking to other people. We're engaging in dynamics that we've been socialized into, that we've gradually become familiar with as we become more socialized into those practices. Um, and so, to decontextualize language in that way, I think, really shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what the function of language is, which is to communicate, which is to engage in practice. It's not to memorize vocabulary lists.
Now, schools may like people to memorize vocabulary lists, um, but that's a different argument, right? If, if what you're saying is that these are the types of decontextualized language practices that they're expected to be successful with in school, then that's a different conversation. Because then I would argue, well, why are we using these decontextualized language practices in school, when we know that in the real-world that's not how people actually use language. Maybe the problem isn't that these particular students haven't mastered a particular list of decontextualized vocabulary words. But rather, the fact that schools have decontextualized language from the practices in which they're engaged in. Um, and I think that may be part of, um – that would be a more interesting conversation, for me, than to look at these decontextualized vocabulary words.
Carrie Gillon: Right. I have a question about the original studies. So – or, actually, both, both studies together. They do have different methodology, even though one is sort of based on the other. Can you explain what the differences are? Because I think that's really what people were fighting about, right?
Dr. Nelson Flores: So, I think that the, the biggest concern that people have raised about the newer study was that it doesn't include, um, a class of professionals. Um, so it includes, like, lower-class and middle-class, but doesn't include the professional-class that was in the original Hart and Risley study. And so, in that sense, it's not an actual complete replication, um, although, I don't think –
Carrie Gillon: That's true.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – that necessarily discounts the findings, though, that, when we're looking across social classes, there aren't these stark differences that the original study had indicated. Um –
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And so, I don't think that we can determine, one way or the other, whether there are these huge differences. We have one study that suggests that there are, we have another study that suggests that there aren't. My issue is that I don't even think that that's the right question to be asking. Um, the, I don't think the right question is to ask, "How many words are children being – hearing at, at home?" Um, because as I, um, was just saying, that's not actually what language is, right? Language isn't –
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – the number of words we hear, it's the practice that we're – practices that we're being socialized into. And in order to understand those practices, we really need more rigorous ethnographic work, right? Like, it's not something –
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – that can be done just by counting words. We actually need to observe and document the practices where those words are imbedded in. And anthropology has shown us, for decades, that regardless of how many words people may or may not be hearing, um, that they're being socialized into complex practices.
Carrie Gillon: Yes, I think that was actually what I was trying to get at is this, because I think one of the differences is, um, the, the first study was all about child-directed speech only, if I'm remembering correctly, and the second study includes all speech spoken around children.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right.
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: And that's important.
Megan Figueroa: It is, and I'm thinking, 'cause, like, reading Hart and Risley, it doesn't even – the, the way that they talk about what language, like, what language is, it doesn't even look like what my childhood was like. And I'm, like, if you're just focusing on parents, you're not looking at the fact that my tio came over, like, two days a week, and that I would spend so much time with, at my grandma's house, and I always had cousins running around. What about all those interactions that are happening? And that's what you're saying, we can't not look at context and how, um, how language works in those contexts.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. And I think something else that is methodologically questionable in Hart and Risley – and again, this isn't a critique, per se, but more just, like, a challenge of methodology – is that when you bring a recorder in to homes, that can impact the dynamics, too.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, absolutely.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, where, like, if you're, uh, one that they're calling a welfare family –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – and you have people in your home recording, that might have different connotations to you, um, than if you're a professional who maybe wants to show off to the researcher.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right?
Megan Figueroa: Exactly.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And so, [laughs] we don't know –
Megan Figueroa: Good point.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – exactly how to kind of make sense of that, but I do think it's a methodological issue that really needs to be considered.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, for – you could have people who actually look like the people that you're studying being the recorders, at least that might help a little, right? I still think about how, like, we always dodged, like, we always hid when someone knocked on the door. [Laughs]
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, exactly.
Carrie Gillon: I'm, like, I don't even think they're gonna, like, let anyone into our house to do that. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, uh, even, even coming from a middle-class family, I can't imagine participating in that as a child. It would've terrified me. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, me as a child, too, thinking about, like, how we – our individual characteristics of children, I would've been, like, "No, stranger, I'm not gonna talk," like, I'll – I probably would talk less, so.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, right, but I could imagine a professional parent knowing what the right thing to do is –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – um, and knowing that the recorder is on, doing the things that they know are the right things to do, 'cause maybe they read it somewhere, right?
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And maybe that's not always what they do, maybe they actually aren't talking to their kids all the time, um –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – maybe sometimes the kids are watching TV. Um –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: [Laughs]
Dr. Nelson Flores: – but they know when –
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – the recorder is on, that they shouldn't be watching TV, right?
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: Exactly.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, and not, they'll not use as many directives. That seems so – I hated that, when I was reading it, the whole directives thing just felt – I don't know, I couldn't really, like, point out how or why it offended me so much. Maybe 'cause my parents used a lot of directives? [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Can you explain directives?
Megan Figueroa: Oh, yeah. So, like, saying, uh, a directive would be, like, "Clean your room," instead of saying, "Well, um, it looks like your room's a little messy. What do you think you should do about that?" Like, that's what they want [laughs] people to say.
Carrie Gillon: They want people to be more passive-aggressive?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Yes, they think that that's quality.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, basically, yeah. [Laughter] Right. And I'm, like – [Laughter]
Carrie Gillon: No, as a Canadian, I'm just gonna say, no. [Laughter] Less is better on that front. [Laughter]
Dr. Nelson Flores: But, of course, that, that reminds me of the work of Lisa Delpit, right, who, um, kind of looked at the cultural differences in parental communication, and found, in her work with African American parents, that they were more directive, um, than in white middle-class families. And then, what happens when those children get to school is that, the teachers who have been socialized – because most of the teachers are white women, by demographics – they've been socialized into this more passive way of making requests, where they'll say, "Don't you think you should be doing this?" The child, the child may not actually understand that that actually was a directive, right? Because it was a directive [crosstalk] –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – the teacher was making a request, and the child didn't necessarily understand it was a request, and maybe actually thought that they had a choice when you said, "Don't you think you should – "
Which gets, again, to the importance of understanding cultural difference, and not assuming that one is more quality than the other. I mean, Lisa Delpit makes it very clear, in her work, that it's not that black parents care less about their children. They love their children, they are – they have a particular history, um, where maybe there are needs to be more directive. Because if not, um, their child isn't gonna be socialized to deal with an antiblack world, um [laughs] –
Megan Figueroa: Exactly.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – that expects people to – uh, uh, expects black people, in particular, to adhere to directives, right?
Carrie Gillon: Exactly.
Megan Figueroa: I mean, I guess that's what it, it really was when I was reading and kept hearing about directives and them basically shitting on directives, I'm, like, "Oh, it just, it feels dripped – uh, like racism is dripping off of this." And, uh, they may have not – again, I think, uh, Carrie said it, once about sexism, called, called it "benevolent sexism" –
Carrie Gillon: I, I did not make up that term. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Well, I know, I know, she, uh, that's where I – the first time I heard it was you saying it on something. But is this, like, benevolent classism and racism, you think?
Dr. Nelson Flores: I mean –
Carrie Gillon: I don't know – I don't know if it's benevolent.
Dr. Nelson Flores: I don't know, I mean, I actually am one who's not particular interested in what one's intentions are. Um, and so, it's, like, I'm sure they had good intentions, I mean, I don't think people do research with – or, or at least social science research, without wanting to make a difference and help. But it doesn't really matter, in the grand scheme of things [laughs] –
Megan Figueroa: You're right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – if you can, you're still producing, um, racism. And, and I think that, um, like, even terms like "covert racism," oftentimes, I find problematic, because who are they covert to? Um, like, oftentimes, the victim of it –
Carrie Gillon: Other white people. [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – is, is quite conscious of it and it's not covert.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, it's only covert to the one who isn't aware that they're being racist, right? Um, and so, and so, I think that for me it's, like, less important what their intentions are, and more about, I think that the framework that they're using is fundamentally flaws, and has led to interventions that are quite damaging. Um, and I know that that sounds maybe extreme, in some ways, but I do think that interventions that are coming from a racist deficit perspective are damaging to children.
Megan Figueroa: Right, so let's talk about impact, 'cause, uh, one of the impacts – this is a big impact – at University of Chicago, there is a 30 million word center for early learning and public health. And they get tons of money – tons of money.
Dr. Nelson Flores: [Crosstalk]
Megan Figueroa: You go to their website [laughs] and there's a donate button, but you know they're getting government money and grants and stuff.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Mm-hmm.
Megan Figueroa: Um, uh, and it's, I mean, I don't mean to shit on [laughs] the director, um – anyone who goes to the website and looks at the videos, it's – it feels gross. You see, like, white people telling black parents, like, what to do with their children, and it feels terrible. That's a huge thing that's getting tons of money, because of the 30 million word – the so-called 30 million word gap from Hart and Risley. Like, that's an, that's a direct impact of that study.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, right.
Megan Figueroa: It's named after it. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: And what, uh, what's happening to these kids, like, what are they provided with in these, in this program?
Megan Figueroa: "Intervention," quote-unquote, intervention, based on, "Let's, uh, let's not have the directives. Let's, let's, um, open it up so there's more questions, so children can answer back," like, this kind of thing.
Carrie Gillon: I see, yeah.
Megan Figueroa: So, they are trying to change the way that children interact – or, sorry – that, uh, caregivers interact with their children, and that's just inherently icky, to me.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. Well, I think that all of the money going into it might give you some indication for why people were so defensive about –
Megan Figueroa: Right, yep.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – a response that called it into question, because there is a lot of money that's going into it. I mean, remedial compensatory education, which has been funded by government and nongovernment officials since at least the '60s, um, that are designed to fix the so-called cultural and linguistic deficits of racialized communities, have always been, um, a very lucrative industry. Um, there's always been tons of money going into it. I mean, I don't even know how much money – probably billions of dollars, at this point, honestly. And I always wonder, like, what would the world look like if we actually, like, invested that money in revitalizing communities, and, like –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – ending poverty, and, like, ensuring that children had access to quality healthcare.
Megan Figueroa: Or even just textbooks.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Like, like, simple educational, uh, funding.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, right. Um, I think our society finds fixing racialized communities as a seductive narrative.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, definitely.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, I agree.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Because it really leaves the rest of the society off the hook, right? So, we don't have to reflect on the root causes of racial inequalities, because we can just say, "Oh, it's their fault, because they're not using – they're not asking their children questions." I don't know how anyone who, who has any experience working in neighborhoods, um, that have experienced multiple generations of racialized poverty, um, could possibly think that changing the way that you ask questions to your child, or increasing the number of words [laughter] that you give them, is really going to be what's the make-it or break-it for –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – whether that child is gonna thrive or not, right?
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: It's, like, these are children who sometimes struggle with homelessness, right, these are children who have food insecurity. In Philadelphia, led poisoning has been a huge issue, and that's – I know it's in other places, as well, like Flint, right?
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: All of these structural issues –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – that are much more salient in the lives of these childrens and these, and these family, right? Um, but in education circles, we tend to think that none of that has anything to do with, like, what we should be talking about, right? We should just be talking about fixing the kids. Um, and I think that's, that, one, it's misguided, because of all of these other challenges that I, I think are much more salient. But, two, it then socializes teachers to come from the perspective that the kids are broken and need to be fixed, right? And that is not a productive perspective to begin with, especially when we look at the demographics of teachers versus students, when there's already this divide between them, right, the last thing that we wanna do is increase that by teach, telling teachers that their job is to be like these people in that website that you were talking about, um, these benevolent white people who are trying to fix racialized communities.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, that's not a productive stance, it's never worked in the past, um, and it's not going to work now.
Megan Figueroa: It's, uh, it is a seductive line of thinking, for a lot of people, because it's kids. So, like, a lot of people are, like, "This is seductive because, oh, if I support it, I can – I'm helping the children." You motherfuckers [laughs], help, help kids in other ways. Sorry, we do have an explicit rating.
Carrie Gillon: This also reminds me of work on, um, Inuit children in, in Quebec. So, uh, when they go to school, like, obviously, the schools are mostly – or at least at, back when this research was done – mostly white people. And so, they grow up in, in the Inuit communities where they – there's not a lot of child-directed speech. Um, and so, well, and then, they get into the classroom, and suddenly this adult is talking to them, and they're not used to it, and they don't know how to respond at all. Yeah, so, the, the different communities do different things, and we never – we just assume [laughs] white is the norm, white North American is the norm, and everyone should behave like us, and – it's really fucked up.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. Well, and the thing is is that, if Hart and Risley said that, and the people who support –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – the 30 million word gap said that, at least I would respect that they were coming from a position of authenticity, right?
Carrie Gillon: It's true.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, but the fact –
Carrie Gillon: It's true.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – that they tried to frame it as objective, I think, is what makes it even more insidious, right? It's, like, no, there's no objective basis for determining that being nondirective is more quality, right? That, that, that's not an objective statement. That's coming from a particular ideological position. So, if you can own that position, if you can say, "Yes, I think that all racialized community should behave just like white people," I would disagree with you, but at least I would say, "Well, you're being honest with what your perspective is, and you're not hiding it behind –
Megan Figueroa: Yes, yes.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – "this veil of objectivity."
Carrie Gillon: It would be more honest – I just translated it for people.
Dr. Nelson Flores: It's a, it's a, it's a more quality interpretation than theirs.
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: But you're right, I, I have the exact same objection: just say what you're actually saying. People, people like to be really sneaky. They, I mean, they might even know they're being sneaky – I have a feeling that they don't, because they really believe in their own objectivity. But it, it, none of us are objective.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Yeah.
Carrie Gillon: None of us. How can you be?
Megan Figueroa: Right. Yeah, I – when people say that, that science is, um, objective, I'm, like, "Whose science? What science are you talking about?" [Laughs] It's just not, you know, like, we – we're all humans coming to it with our biases. Um, and then I go right into saying that, me as a psycholinguist, um, just completely psycholinguistic perspective of working in infant labs and looking at child language, this just doesn't make sense anyway. Like, even if we're not looking at culture and looking at the bigger picture – which I always think we should look at culture and the people – even if we're just looking at how, um, infants learn language, it just doesn't make sense to tell parents, "Don't use directives," [laughs] like, you know, it doesn't make sense.
Carrie Gillon: No. And as, again, as a white middle-class person, my children – I'm sorry – my parents used directive speech with me, for sure. I just don't even understand this argument. It's a thing that exists. [Laughter]
Megan Figueroa: And, and Nelson, right, that's, like, the, the big thing with them is directives versus asking questions, right, [crosstalk]?
Dr. Nelson Flores: That's one of the big things, yeah, no, that is one of the big things.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: I mean, I think what they did is that they, um, kind of imagined this idealized kind of white middle-class family, and imagined what that family must be like. Um, which was probably their family [laughs], um –
Megan Figueroa: Right, yeah, exactly.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And they kind of came up with these arbitrary characteristics, um, that they decided were quality. Um, and I think that that is something that isn't just Hart and Risley, though. I think that in a lot of, um, kind of linguistic analysis, especially, like, in second language acquisition, um, there are kind of these discussions of complex language, or richer language, um, that isn't, oftentimes, theorized. Well like, well, complex from whose perspective, right? Um, richer from whose perspective? Like, these aren't objective designations.
They may seem so, because we've naturalized and normalized all of these dominant ideologies about what language is or should be. Um, but we can't describe language outside of an ideological perspective on what language is, right? And I always try, in my work, to be very explicit in terms of how I'm thinking about language. And in particular, how I'm thinking about language and race, and how they co-construct with one another. And so, my ideological position I try to put on the table and say, "This is my perspective. This is where I'm coming from. This is kind of my stance."
Um, and oftentimes, then, get accused of being ideological, right? [Laughter] Um –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, that's the trap that white people set for you. [Laughter]
Dr. Nelson Flores: Well, um, yeah, you said, I mean [laughter] – I mean, I oftentimes refuse to fall into the trap, because my response is to point out the ideological assumptions and what they're doing.
Megan Figueroa: Good.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And saying, "I own mine, you own yours, and then we can agree to disagree. But until you own yours, you're not allowed to call me ideological." [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yes.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yes. Um, so thinking, uh – here's a transition for ya [laughs] – um, I don't want it to all be negative. What is a good framework to think about this. You've mentioned – again, we'll post to these two blog posts that are specifically that you have about this issue, that are great – um, language socialization framework. Is that what you're still working with, right now, or where you think we should be working from? And tell us what it is.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, I mean, I think language socialization – which emerged I think probably, like, in the '70s, right? – um, and kind of anthropology, and I think, in particular, anthropology of education has had the most interest in it, for obvious reasons – is just looking at, from an ethnographic perspective, the ways that people come to know, um, language, right? And the ways that they come to know particular ways of using language. Um, and so, from, uh, linguistic, and certainly a linguistic anthropological perspective, um, we're all socialized into the practices of our home, right? Um, and these are all practices that are complex, these are all practices that are nuanced, um, these are all practices that provide a foundation for us to engage in the world.
And I think what language socialization research helps us, then, to think about is, if we're starting from the perspective that all children are socialized into complex language practices, and there, there isn't an inherent hierarchy in terms of the complexity, um, then how do we incorporate the language practices of all children into the classroom? How do we stop framing certain language practices as deficient and in need of remediation? Um, and I think that that's a more productive beginning of a conversation, and I think there are lots of different ways you can answer that, right?
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And I think that teachers, as professionals, have to decide and figure out how that, that's going to look for them in their particular classrooms, because all classrooms are different, all communities –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – are different, so it's gonna look different in different contexts. But it's a much more productive point of entry into the conversation. And so, like, work that I've done with teachers in Philadelphia, which fit the community here, was thinking about the ways that an elementary school, bilingual classrooms, we could strategically use, um, translingual texts. So, texts that are primarily written in English, but have some Spanish in them –
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm?
Dr. Nelson Flores: – as a point of entry for helping students engage, first, in close readings of the text – which is a Common Core-aligned literacy strategy –
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs]
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – um, but, two – and that's important for teachers to be able to justify, right?
Carrie Gillon: Yes, absolutely.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And, two, as a point of entry for helping students realize that they, as bilingual authors, actually can strategically choose to bring both languages together, for particular effects and with particular purposes, right? So, rather than saying, "Oh, that kind of other language that you use at home is not relevant, here," it's saying, "Well, actually, it can be relevant." If you're writing a story, for example, about something that you did with your grandmother speaks Spanish, you, as the author, can decide to use Spanish as dialogue in that text, right? So you're, you can bring some of those home language practices into your writing, and that you should do that. And I think –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – it's a very different stance to the home language practices of students, um, than to say, "Oh, they hear 30 million words less, so let's fix them."
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Megan Figueroa: And how empowering is it to hear or see Spanish in the classroom, for these kids, you know? It's so big, it's so important, and I think – I think that's lost on some people, um, because we're all – I – they – some people may say we're all talking about representation, right now, and how it's important, but it really is. And representing that, that home language in, in the classroom is really important.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right. And I think it's not only representing the home language, but also representing the fact that these are bilingual children growing up in a bilingual –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – community, which –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – means that they are bilingual authors, right?
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And bilingual authors have more tools, perhaps –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – than monolingual authors. Or perhaps not, because monolingual authors maybe have different dialects, right? But, but that we all, as authors, um, should be strategically deploying all of our communicative repertoires, um, in order to create our voice as authors. Um, which is very different than saying, "Make everyone talk like a white person," right? Um –
Megan Figueroa: Right.
Carrie Gillon: [Laughs] Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Uh, and I think it's, it's, it's, okay, let's socialize students into new ways of using language, which is part of the function of school, right?
Carrie Gillon: [Crosstalk]
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: We all learned, I mean, we all did doctorates, right, so we were all socialized into new ways of –
Carrie Gillon: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – using language and new ways of thinking, as doctoral students, right, that's just part of what we're doing all the time in our daily lives. And –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – we're always gonna be being socialized into new ways of using language. So, I certainly don't wanna be misunderstood as saying we shouldn't socialize students into new language practices, because sometimes people accuse me of saying we should just let them do whatever they want and not teach them anything. And I think that that's silly, um, I don't know who would ever argue that.
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: You know what that reminds me of is the prescriptive versus descriptive debate. If you, if you're a, if you're a descriptivist, you're accused of saying, "Oh, anything goes," and that's not exactly what we're saying.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, right, which is, of course, not the point.
Carrie Gillon: No.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: It's, it's looking at how people actually use language, right? [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Mm-hmm, exactly.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, but, but, so, yeah, so schools certainly have a, an important function of socializing students into new language practices that are associated with tasks that are associated with tasks that are associated with school. Um –
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm?
Dr. Nelson Flores: – I think one of the things that could be improved, in school, is that maybe some of those tasks could be less kind of decontextualized vocabulary lists, and more kind of actual authentic interactions. I think that's one of the things that schools could do better, certainly. Um, but certainly, schools should be socializing students to new language practices; the question is how they should be doing that, right? And, and from my perspective, the way they should be doing that is building on the knowledge that the children already have. Now, anyone who's taken an education course, ever, knows that the first basic thing that you learn in pedagogy 101 is, if you want students to learn new content, you have to connect it to their prior knowledge, right? That's the first thing you learn.
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Dr. Nelson Flores: So, why do we think language is any different? Um, if you want students to learn new language practices, you have to connect it to language practices they're already familiar with, right? And once you do that, they're much more able to then retain it, remember it, feel like it's part of who they are, and not feel like it's this thing that's completely removed from who they are as people and who they understand themselves to be.
Megan Figueroa: That's a really good point. [Laughs] You're gonna make me cry, I'm, like, "Why didn't I have that when I grew up?" [Laughter]
Dr. Nelson Flores: Well, I know, and why we still don't have it? Well, we still don't have it because –
Megan Figueroa: I know –
Dr. Nelson Flores: – social science researchers are still talking about a word gap. So, part of the problem is –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah –
Dr. Nelson Flores: – researchers. [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, no, absolutely. That, that, so that was, was, that was one of the questions that kept coming up in my mind was – okay, you're absolutely right, I mean, obviously, it's obvious, to me, that this is what we need to do. But how do we get from here, where we are now, to where we should be, given this juggernaut of the social sciences, uh, um, research, the education research that's, which sometimes aligns with that.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Mm-hmm?
Megan Figueroa: The fact that the education system is this huge bureaucracy of, you know, like –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, policymakers.
Megan Figueroa: – [sighs] like, the policymakers, the politicians involved – how [laughs], how do we, how do we make even a small change?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Right, right.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, what can our listeners do? What can we do? [Laughter]
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Megan Figueroa: [Crosstalk] what can any of us do or [crosstalk] –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah –
Megan Figueroa: – if, if a policymaker is listening [laughs], what could they do?
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, yes, uh, we have so many politicians that listen to this show [laughter] [crosstalk].
Megan Figueroa: I said "if." [Laughter]
Dr. Nelson Flores: They should, they definitely should.
Megan Figueroa: I know. [Laughs]
Dr. Nelson Flores: But, um, so, I mean, I think when I wanna give copout answer – which I'll give first, and then I'll give, like, the better answer – um –
Megan Figueroa: Okay.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – is, uh, what I do think that what you're alluding to is true, that we need a fundamental transformation of the institutions that children are in, right? Um, and I think that that change isn't going to happen overnight, and that change happens over generations. And some of that has happened, right? Like, looking, as someone who has studied the history of bilingual education, in, in the United States, um, the fact that there are some children, in Philadelphia and in other cities, who are able to be in classrooms where Spanish is not only acknowledged but used as part of instruction. And that allows new immigrant children to come in and seamlessly become incorporated into the classroom, that was a fundamental transformation of that institution, that happened over generations, right?
So when people say, "Oh, we can never dismantle structural racism," I say, "Yeah, people have, [laughs] like, things are not the exact same as they were before," and that change has become because of political struggle, right? So I think that's kind of the bigger answer is that we have to keep engaging in political struggle, knowing that many of the changes that we're advocating for may not benefit us or our children, but maybe will benefit our grandchildren or our great-grandchildren. Or our descendants, if we're not having children. [Laughter] [Crosstalk] you know what I mean.
Megan Figueroa: Right, right, yes.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, so, so, like, now, what teachers can do on their kind of day-to-day – because I do think that teaching still matters, within that kind of whole argument I just made – um, is really thinking about how they can strategically build on the home language practices of children. And you don't have to know those languages, in order to be able to do that, right? Um, one thing that is very easy for an elementary school teacher to take a few minutes to do is to acknowledge that there are children in the class who speak languages other than English. And to ask them how to say a few words in that language, right? Um, you don't have to know the language, but you're acknowledging that there are children in your class who do know those languages, right?
Um, that translingual unit plan, uh, that I mentioned is another example, um, like, really thinking about how to create units that acknowledge and build on the rich linguistic knowledge that all children come in with. And really thinking about how you build on that background knowledge. And I think that really requires, um, kind of a space for teacher inquiry, to really kind of reflect on their practices, and to think about those practices. And that happens in some schools, certainly, um, so I think that that's what could happen at the teacher level. Um, and at the policy level, um, I think in terms of bilingual education, for example, um, something that there is, oftentimes, a dearth of is Spanish – or any other language – I mean, Spanish is a challenge, so you can imagine it's even harder for other languages – just an infrastructure for supporting the development of those languages, right?
Um, and that can include, um, unit exemplars, I mean, and it can include standards. Like, I know that the way that standards are implemented are sometimes problematic, but there's nothing inherently wrong with giving teachers some standards in terms of what students are expected to do at their grade level, right? Like, that's a good thing to give teachers. Um, but teachers who are instructing in languages other than English, oftentimes, don't have even that to start with. And so, they're kind of building things from scratch and constantly reinventing the wheel. Um, and so I think that is something that could happen from a policy perspective. Now, in terms of language variation in English, we've tried that from a policy perspective, before, and it was a – it was kind of this big political [laughs], uh, turmoil and outcome.
Carrie Gillon: Yes.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Megan Figueroa: Yes.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: But I think that something like that, that wouldn't hopefully lead to this political turmoil, would also be important. Like, how do, how do we – well, I mean, one, how do we work with teachers to acknowledge and value language variation in English, and in languages other than English, for bilingual programs. Um, but then how do we institutionalize that at the policy level? Like, how do we provide, um – perhaps in our standards, we could build a standard that is about recognizing language variation. Um, which would then mean that teachers have to focus on language variation as part of what they're doing with their children, because it's part of the benchmarks that the students are expected to make.
Um, so I think those, those tweaks can help us in the present, while we keep a long-term vision of, "Well, that's not enough," right? And we, and we want a lot more than that, but we're gonna keep pushing for that for the future. And part of, I think, the role of, um, academics and scholars and researchers, in doing that, is to call ourselves our for our bullshit, right? And to say –
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – we actually have contributed to these problems, even as we've always tried to position ourselves as the ones with the solutions, right? And so, like, what I do in my academic work is a lot of that, right, where it's, like, wait a minute, like, we complain that teachers are using deficit frameworks. So why don't we look at the deficit frameworks that are being used to inform our research? Um, because they're not any better, and oftentimes, they're even worse because we're pretending that they're objective.
Megan Figueroa: Right, yeah, yeah.
Carrie Gillon: Wow, that was an amazing answer – thank you so much.
Megan Figueroa: Yes, thank you so much.
Carrie Gillon: Because I, I, I struggle with these kind of big-picture problems in, in my head, like, you know, I'm really concerned with Indigenous languages. And there's, you know, huge structural reasons why these languages are struggling. Um, but I don't also wanna ever give out the idea that, "Oh, well, therefore, we should give up," or there's no point trying. No, we should try, so, [laughs] thank you for that answer.
Megan Figueroa: Yes. Yeah, no, I, I mean, after, like, the first half of talking about, like, "What the fuck is wrong? And what's happening? Why is this all, like, on fire?" it's really nice to, to be grounded, again, in the fact that we can do some things. And I think that we have really great listeners who actually do wanna do things, or who have learned a lot, um, about their own internalized, um, biases. And I think that this is gonna be a really, really, um, helpful and educational episode for them, so I really appreciate you coming on. I know that if you're at least on Twitter, you've seen one article going around about this.
So, you know, like, people have heard about this right now, and so it's fantastic to have you on. I think that was a really great takeaway. Do you have any other things that you want to hype up or [laughs], or, or say, before we let you go?
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, I guess, so, something that I have just, um – well, it's, it's in press, so it's gonna be published soon – that I think kind of relates to what I was just saying, actually, is really thinking about, um, the theory of change that we have in critical applied linguistics, right. And so, oftentimes, in our work with teachers, we tend to frame the issue as, "We need to raise the consciousness of teachers," and we kind of frame it as an individual thing.
Megan Figueroa: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, but the issue that we look at in this article – and I say "we" 'cause two of my doctoral students wrote it with me – are the ways that broader sociopolitical processes impact what is possible in the classroom, and what we, we call what institutional listening subject positions teachers aren't able to have it. Um, so, the school that we look at is a bilingual school, so we look at the ways that bilingualism is completely normalized in the school. But we think of that not solely as great teachers – and they are great teachers, but because of the history of political struggle that has allowed for these spaces to emerge. And so, it's a combination of teachers who are onboard, and the possibility of this space emerging, through political struggle. But we also look at issues of policing, and also think about that as not purely just about, "Oh, let's tell the teachers not to police." Because oftentimes the teachers are policing because they know that, if a child who's a child a color from a low-income community uses particular linguistic tokens outside of the classroom, people are going to raciolinguistically police them, right, and say, "You can't say that."
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: "I can say that, as a white person," someone might say [laughs], "but you can't." Um –
Megan Figueroa: Right, right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And so, it's not enough to say, "Oh, we should just tell the teachers to value the students' language practices," when oftentimes the teachers do want to, but they struggle with this institutional listening subject position where they see themselves as listening on behalf of others, right? So, "Okay, well –
Carrie Gillon: Right.
Dr. Nelson Flores: – "we, we're okay with them saying 'yeah,' but maybe someone outside of here is going to judge them for saying 'yeah.'" Even though –
Carrie Gillon: Yeah – [Laughs]
Dr. Nelson Flores: – at the University of Pennsylvania – we actually started documenting this, as we wrote the article – we say "yeah" all the time, at the University of Pennsylvania, right?
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: And if anyone were to correct us, they would come off as completely inappropriate and pompous.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Um, so, like, it's, like, which spaces are these linguistic tokens policed, and what histories are being cited in those spaces? And how it's really not just about individual teachers; it's really this broader sociohistorical process that has allowed for this emergence of policing to begin with. And so, it connects to the point I was making, before, where we conclude, there, that any efforts at raising the consciousness of teachers has to also be situated within broader political struggles, that then can allow teachers to inhabit new listening subject positions, right? Um, and people, when they say it's impossible, I say it happened before, right?
Megan Figueroa: Yeah.
Dr. Nelson Flores: We have normalized bilingualism in some public schools in the United States, because people have pushed for the possibility of new listening subject positions in these institutions. So we have to keep thinking about what do we want teachers to be able to do, and how can we transform the institutions to allow them to be able to do that.
Megan Figueroa: And, see, that was an issue that, you know, I wasn't really thinking about, but when you mentioned it, it's, like, "Of course." Um, which reminds me that there's always learning to be done, um, even if you've studied this all your life, right, there's still learning to be done.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Yeah, absolutely.
Megan Figueroa: And, uh, and, and here's my PSA, for listeners, is to follow Nelson on Twitter, [laughs] which we will link to him, but, so that we can hear more about that study, and I'm sure you'll talk about it, and all those studies that, um, come out of your, come out of your work. Yeah, is that what I meant, studies that come out of your work? [Laughs]
Carrie Gillon: Yes.
Megan Figueroa: Anyway, yes, um, all your work that comes out, that we can follow, um, because I learn a lot from you, so. So, thank you so much.
Carrie Gillon: Yeah, thank you.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Thank you.
Megan Figueroa: Yeah, don't be assholes, guys.
Carrie Gillon: Don't be an asshole. [Laughter]
Megan Figueroa: Uh, I mean, uh, uh, Nelson, we always leave our listeners with that. That's, that's the big message, I mean, overall, right? Like, everything we talked about over the last almost hour is: don't be an asshole. [Laughs]
Dr. Nelson Flores: Yeah, I agree.
Megan Figueroa: Well, thank you so much, um, uh, Dr. Nelson Flores, and it was great talking to you.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Thank you. Great talking to you, too.
Carrie Gillon: [Crosstalk] bye.
Megan Figueroa: Bye.
Dr. Nelson Flores: Bye.
[Music playing]
Carrie Gillon: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumbler, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, at Vocal Fries Pod. You can e-mail us at [email protected].
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nastyboyluke · 7 years ago
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dont tell me how or why this whole imagine was based off these two photos which are basically the same thing bc i dont even know myself. enjoy. 〰️ word count: 1512 〰️ on tour with luke! “lukey” i said, sitting up in my seat. luke was on his phone, scrolling through whatever he was on, being oblivious to me calling him. “luke!” i said and tapped him with my foot. he looked up at me. “wot” he asked. “i want to snuggle.” i smiled and he smiled a little too. “come ‘ere” he said and opened his arms. i sat on his lap and he put his arms around me. he opened up the camera and took a picture, the flash going off, making me flinch. “ew thats so ugly!” i screeched as he laughed at the face i made. “no its not.” he said, shutting off his phone and throwing it across the couch. “you’re cute.” luke kissed my temple and rocked us back and forth. ashton and calum walked in. “yo, we’re gonna do sound in 30.” calum told luke. he nodded while ashton connected his phone to the speaker and put on music. luke groaned and proceeded to cuddle me even more. “i dont wanna do sound check.” he said. “i rather stay here with you.” “id like that too but we both know whats you gotta do.” i replied, playing with the necklaces that were around his neck. “we later tonight remember?” he nodded, turning his head to face my neck, leave delicate kisses there. “i love you.” he whispered. “i love you too.” i whispered with a smile. i kissed him quickly before pulling away and went over to the end table to grab a drink. “already drinking y/n?” calum chuckled. “shush dont act like yall dont either.” i said and took a sip from my red cup. he pouted with his arms across his chest but ended up nodding. luke grabbed my hand, “lets go walk around.” he pulled me to the door and i followed. i put my hoodie on and let him guide me around the place. he looked around areas and and we ended up in a small dark little hallway. “why are we here?” i asked and took another sip from my cup. “because,” he said and put his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. “i wanna kiss you.” i could barley see his face but i could feel his hot breath. i giggled and put my cup down and he filled the gap between us. “are we gonna get in trouble?” i asked quietly. “why would we get in trouble?” he laughed and placed kisses on my neck. “you’re such a goody two shoes baby.” “shut up.” i smiled, putting the piece of hair that was out of his lil man bun behind his ear as he continued to leave kisses. “luke i swear to god if you leave a mark i will beat you.” “cant you just cover it up with like makeup or something?” he asked and swayed us back and forth as he continued to leave kisses on my face. “i dont have any on me right now,” i answered. “and i dont want people to see and like—post it online and call me names and stuff.” he sighed and left one last kiss on my lips. “okay fine.” luke paused and hugged my small frame. “whatever people call you, it doesn’t matter because they dont know who you really are. you and i only know who you are.” i looked down and picked my cup up. “thanks.” i said softy. “lets goto the stage.” he said and grabbed my hand again as we walked through more hallways. we found ourself at the stage and i sat at the edge in the corner on my phone while they rehearsed. every few minutes or so, luke would look over at me and smile making me smile too because hes too darn cute. after they rehearsed, we got food and the boys jammed out to music. i sat on the couch, staying quiet watching them. they noticed and now it was there sole purpose to get me up and dancing with them. ashton came over and grabbed me my hands, pulling me up. “stop!” i begged. “c’mon y/n stop being such a party pooper!” he said and was dancing all weird making me laugh. luke came over and put his hands on my waist and swayed. “dance love.” he said and i bit my lip and just swayed with him. they cheered but that wasn’t going to be the end of it. i was still in my big hoodie with my hands hiding in the sleeves and the hood over my head. he took my hood off and began to spin me around making me laugh. he pulled me into his arms, interlacing our fingers together as we danced. i looked up at him while he looked back at me. i felt myself blush so i looked away and continued to spin around with him. once the song was finished, i pulled away and sat back down. the guys were getting more and more hyped the time it got closer. once it was time for them to leave the greenroom, luke went over to me with his guitar in hand. “you better watch.” he said and kissed me. “i will.” i smiled. he winked at me before leaving the room with the boys. once the show started i stood on the side of the backstage watching the show. when it was lukes time to talk, he looked at me before he spoke. “hows everyone tonight?” he asked the crowd. they cheered and screamed. “me too! im so happy to be in here tonight! my lovely girlfriend y/n is here tonight and ive missed her so much since we’ve been on tour but i get to be with her finally.” he said and looked over at me and smiled. “anyways, this next song we’re gonna sing is her favorite song off the album so, ima dedicate this song to mi lady. this is lie to me.” + “i thought you were gonna make me go on stage and i was gonna die.” i said as he came out of the bathroom after his shower. we were at the hotel now after a long night. all i wanted to do was just watch parks and rec with luke. “no i wasn’t i know you’d be mad if i did.” he smiled and climbed into bed. “thats right.” i laughed and snuggled up to him. he put an arm around me, pulling me up on him. i was on top of him now and he smiled wide. luke shut the lamp off so all there was the light from the tv on us. i kissed him, slowly, biting on is bottom lip softly. he gave in and placed his hands on my waist, trying to pull me closer to him. i stopped kissing him and gazed at him. “i love you.” i said, pinching his cheek. “i love you too.” he said and rolled us over, making me squeal. now he was inbetween my legs and i laughed out loud. “are we wrestling?” i asked as i brushed his hair out of his face. “i like being on top better.” he said and kissed my stomach. “can we?” “not tonight. im too tired.” i said and he nodded but kissed me. we made out for a bit till he laid down next to me and we spooned. under the sheets, his hands were wrapped around my stomach under my shirt. “luke?” i asked. “hm” he hummed and kissed my shoulder. “can you sing to me?” i asked feeling so embarrassed for asking. “its okay if you dont since you just did literally today—“ “sure.” he said. “what do you want me to sing?” “anything.” i answered. he began to sing blackbird by the beatles. his voice was soft and gentle. i listened intently and began to fell tears fill my eyes. i literally cried. “wait, DONT CRY!” he laughed and sat us up. “why are you crying?” “i dont know.” i laughed and wiped my eyes. “you making me simp about you.” “dont simp.” he said and hugged me. we’ve been together for 2 years now and ever since he began touring, its really put a toll on me. we try to call or facetime as much as we can if we’re not texting (mostly playing 8 ball tho). “i just dont want to have to say goodbye to you again.” i said and tears began to roll down my cheeks. “i just wanna stay here forever with you and love you and snuggle you.” “i know, i do too hun.” he said and looked at me. “im sorry.” “its not your fault.” i said and gave him a little smile through my tears. “you’re living your dream and i cant stop you from that.” “thank you for being an awesome girlfriend.” he said kissed me. “you’re a good boyfriend.” i replied. we laid down again and snuggled. he ran his fingers through my hair, relaxing me. soon enough, i feel asleep in his arms.
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shecaptureswithjoy · 2 years ago
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life is much more than silly competition.
we are living in the world full of rush. as a human it is natural for us to compete with other. and sometimes we are too obsessed to be the winner and standing in the highest podium.
to be seen, to be the only winner are sometimes just empty goals without a purpose. yet we doing it anyway.
we rush, we do silly things to satisfied other and scarified our existential crisis to fill the gap we create. we really don’t know who we are, what we love or even how to do our live. because again we live a day by day listening to someone who told us  what to do, how to do our life, or even we do things just because other do it. to compete, to be the only one.
i used to be that person, that person who love competing with other and want to be the only winner. however, we ignore the fact that it can be more than one winner who stand in the podium. there is enough room for all of is to be the winner.
live is much more than silly competition. we are all can be winner at once. we’re just have to do it in our way. 
sometimes we think that we can do everything on our own, we believe that we don’t need other to achieve our success. we take all the credit for ourself just to make other think that we deserve all that. in fact we have to believe that every step and every path we took, there always someone help us along the way.
and we often forget to be grateful of every steps we take and every small little details we do, and that’s also important. not only focus on the bigger thing that consider as successful.
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hobnobbon · 6 years ago
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I don’t want to be with anyone to feel the void in my heart. I use to think if I be with someone somehow the gap and my emotional needs would be filled, that I could love someone so strongly if I really tried - there’s no trying it’s either there or it is not. You would either give your life for someone else or you would not. I was blind sighted and know life doesn’t work like that and that feeling can not just be created by yourself into a delusion to think someone else can replace that feeling you have once felt when still the scab is fresh.
That is the part of myself which I do not love. However we must forgive ourself to love ourselves for happiness.
I have learnt to do this, I am at peace with myself and focusing on myself and have love with my friends and family. I am trying to be the best person I can be, this is my time, the time in my life in which for once I can be completely honest to myself emotionally, there’s no lying to myself or pretending to be someone I’m not. Everything is real - and this gives me closure in myself. There is a lot of feelings in myself I am not at peace with in my heart, wrong doings to people - they are feelings which probably never will be okay. We make mistakes, forgive ourselves, learn from them and move on. There is no self forgiveness or loving yourself otherwise.
I am strong, and happy to be loving myself for once, finally. I am at peace with myself. I accept my flaws and my feelings.
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foxwap449 · 3 years ago
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Concealed Bookends
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Concealed Bookshelf
Concealed Bookshelf Hardware
In this super simple DIY tutorial we will show you how to create sturdy invisible DIY bookends.
INVISIBLE - Transforms any book into a bookend PRACTICAL DESIGN - Lightweight and durable glossy, white-coated steel with L-shaped design for stability EASY SET-UP - Just slide the inside cover of your favorite novel into the tab and it becomes a bookend. Bookends Email to friends Share on Facebook - opens in a new window or tab Share on Twitter - opens in a new window or tab Share on Pinterest - opens in a new window or tab Add to Watchlist.
After we built our floor to ceiling industrial shelves in our library it was a common occurrence for our large and really heavy books to just fall off the ends of our shelves.
They would make a booming noise as they slammed against the tile below. No matter where we were in the house when books would fall it would scare us half to death.
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We would joke that it must have been Walter (our friendly house ghost). It is a joke Brent and I have to blame Walter when doors get left open or lights start to flicker, the cat gets shut in a random room or books randomly fall off the shelf.
The truth was we had no bookends for our shelves so I tried to use our heaviest books on the end to act as bookends and keep the rest of the books propped up because I liked the books being able to free stand without anything pushed up against them. This worked for awhile until the weight of the books was too substantial for the large book and it came crashing down to the floor.
Thank goodness the cat was never walking by when that happened! We needed a lot of bookends for our large shelves and didn’t want to spend a ton of money on them. To keep the shelves from looking extremely cluttered, we planned to incorporate only a few decorative bookends and have the rest be as concealed as possible.
Even better would be if they were invisible. This is not a new concept, invisible bookends, but we challenged ourself to try and make them with materials we already had in our garage and found a straightforward way to make them that worked like a charm. They are both durable and simple to “install”.
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Today we are sharing our technique for creating the visual effect of having books appear to be standing on their own but are actually being held nice and secure in place.
How to Make Invisible DIY Bookends
SUPPLIES
FYI: This post contains a few affiliate links to products we used to make this project. Gray House Studio does receive commissions for sales from these links but at no extra cost to you. We appreciate you supporting this site. Read our privacy and disclosure policy. You can also easily shop our recommended products here.
Concealed Bookshelf
STEP BY STEP GUIDE
1. First we used a yard stick to mark the correct size for the bookend on the piece of sheet metal. It is easiest to use a sharpie to draw on the metal. The width of the bookend should be at least two inches smaller than the book’s width.
The height of the piece of sheet metal needs to be almost twice the height of the book because you will be folding the piece of metal in half and you want it tall enough to support the book without sticking out the top.
Concealed Bookshelf Hardware
2. Once the size of the bookend was marked, we used a pair of offset snips to cut the metal.
If you are planing on buying snips, pick a pair out that is angled and the blades turn at the end.
The angled pairs are made to be specific for the right or left hand so be sure to pick the tool that matches your dominant hand.
The angle in the tool works well for long cuts because the handles does not interfere with cutting the material.
3. Finally, we bent the sheet metal in half. In order to bend the piece of metal it is helpful to use a clamp and clamp the sheet metal under a scrap block of wood.
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The wood provides a straight edge for the metal to bend over.
The bend should be made at the center of the piece of metal. Once the bend reaches 90 degree the bookend is finished.
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4. To make the bookend “invisible” place the vertical piece of metal inside the front cover.
When you place additional books next to this book they will cover up the bottom piece of sheet metal making it appear as if the books are free standing on their own with no support. That means your invisible bookend is working!
Our invisible bookends were a lifesaver on our shelves. The danger of falling books has now been prevented! Hidden sheet metal bookends are a great solution for keeping shelves clean and uncluttered. They also make for the perfect alternative if you don’t have a cat to hold up your books.
This project is calling my name. I love to put books on small shelves, on floating shelves, and other places where there simply is no room to add the bookends needed to hold them there. So when I saw these seemingly invisible bookends, I knew it was a simple answer to my dilemna.
What’s unique about these is that the top of the bookend isn’t just sticking up into the book, which isn’t stable enough if the book is fairly thin, but the pages are removed and replaced with a piece of wood that the bookend is then glued to. That way the book can’t accidentally fall off.
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Obviously you don’t want to use a book you want to keep for this, so go to a thrift store and pick up a couple of not too thick, pretty books. To make two bookends, one for each end, here is what you’ll need.
Supplies (for two bookends):
2 books with 1″ spines
2 thin metal bookends
1×6 board or a board of another dimension to fit your book
super glue (I used gorilla glue)
clamps
craft blade
Selecting Your Book and Lumber Size:My books measured about 5.75″ deep, 8.25″ high, and 1″ thick. It’s important to find a book depth that will correspond with lumber standard widths, so you don’t have to do any unnecessary cutting of the lumber later. This is why I used a book with a 1″ spine. I used a 1×6 board to fill the inside of my book, which really measures .75″ x 5.75″. This board fit my book dimensions perfectly! How did I know that would happen? Well, I brought my book spine to the lumber yard with me!
Step 1: Use a sharp craft blade or razor to cut away the contents of the book from its spine.
Step 2: Wrap the book spine around your lumber to mark where to cut the lumber. I left about a 1/8″ gap at the top to achieve a more realistic book effect.
Step 3: Cut the board to the length you marked. If you don’t have a saw at home, you can do this at the lumber yard. They will make cuts for you for free.
Step 4: Cover the wooden blocks and metal bookends with moderate amounts of Gorilla Glue, as shown above. Don’t get too close to the edges or it will seep out. Gorilla Glue foams and expands as it’s clamped, which makes for a strong hold, but a messy final product if you’re not careful when applying the glue.
Step 5: Once everything is all glued into place, use clamps to press it all together as the glue sets up. You should use scrap lumber as a buffer between the book and the clamps or the clamps will leave indents in your book. I made the mistake of not doing this, and got some pretty visible denting, especially on my orange book. Thankfully the dents aren’t noticeable on my shelves.
Mandi Johnson from A Beautiful Mess devised these clever bookends and we thank her for sharing them. She’s got photos detailing every step she took making them so if you think they will help, hop over to her blog.
Image and Project Source: A Beautiful Mess
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lloydie20-blog · 4 years ago
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Everything in this world is temporary, just like our physical, cognitive and socio-emotional aspects in ourselves. When adolescence hit us it probably a huge change for us. We can observe and see different changes in your physical aspect. It will start growing your body, like your height and unexpected body odor and growing of your pubic hair. And a lot of changes in our body. Because of this, we can look more mature and starting to become an adult. The next changes that we might encounter is our cognitive or mind. In this, we can questions and analyzes more, understand cause and effects, and organize thoughts and ideas. In line with that, it can help our self to think wisely for us to become a better version of ourselves.
Next is the socio-emotional, because of the adolescence level in ourselves the socio-emotional have developed. It helps us to establish career and future decisions, risk taking behavior lessens, considering parenting advices and many more. With that, it helps us to become more aware of the things that surrounded us. If we become aware of the things that might surround us, it will help us to understand things and it will help us to understand and find ourselves. Adolescence had a huge impact towards ourself, it will help us to become more mature not just our physical or body, but also in other areas like cognitive and social-emotional areas in our life. Without this changes, I might become a best version of myself right now. There are always a outcomes in changing ourselves, it might become a good or bad start. But things will just continue flowing if your go with the flow, so I realized that everything has a reason to fill the gap. That’s why I accepted all of the changes that might happen to me, and with the guidance of the people that surrounds me, I might become a better person in the future.
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aion-rsa · 4 years ago
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Netflix’s Barbarians: Here to Fill The Last Kingdom and Vikings-Shaped Hole in Your Life
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Just because Netflix viewers don’t live in a world where it’s acceptable to strip to the waist, smear ourself in blood and send a spear whistling through the neck of our enemy, doesn’t mean that we don’t want to watch other people doing it. We very much do. 
Brutal historical TV drama is a holiday from our small lives. Olden-days mud and guts are an antidote to hours spent worrying about whether we offended Justin in accounts with that .gif, or if our dog is eating a sufficiently iron-rich diet. To the modern person, the life of a warrior has an attractive simplicity: Fight. Drink. Orgy. Usurp Enemy’s Throne. Drink. Fight. Die on your feet, in the rain, screaming in slow-motion. None of us, with our daily step goals and Deliveroo orders, can dream of such an existence. When we die, we know it’ll be at normal speed. 
Hence our escapist need for Barbarians, a new German historical drama that fills the gap left by the end of Vikings while we wait for the next season of The Last Kingdom. Being a mini, six-episodes-only deal, perhaps it won’t so much fill the gap as keep the wolf from the door of the gap. 
Wolves are a massive deal in Barbarians, which is set among the tribal villages of Germania in 9 AD. Along with the eagle (also a big thing), wolves are symbolic of the invading Roman Empire which was at the time shaking down the struggling Germanic tribes for all their cows, sheep, goats and oversized beer mugs. (They drink from such big mugs. It must be a warrior thing.) 
Roughly three times an episode in Barbarians, somebody mentions a wolf that is going to devour the world, or the wolf that raised Rome-founding twins Romulus and Remus. Every so often, a real wolf shows up to stalk ominously through a forest, portending either doom or glory, depending on who’s watching.
The best wolf though, is the one in the name of swordsman Folkwin Wolfspeer (David Schütter). I mean, come on. That’s a name. Folk-win Wolf-speer. Just typing it makes you feel powerful. Folkwin… Wolfspeer. A chef’s kiss of a name. Folkwin Wolfspeer is one of the few characters in Barbarians not taken from history (if Folkwin Wolfspeer didn’t exist, it would be necessary to invent him). His lover, tribal leader, childhood friend and deadliest enemy though, are all big enough historical players to each have their own Wikipedia page, as does the climactic battle that takes place in episode six. 
The Battle of the Teutoburg Forest (if you want to look it up) was a decisive moment in Germanic/Roman history. Barbarians tells a jazzed up version of the countdown to the battle, in which a leader attempts to unite the warring Germanic tribes to revolt against their Roman oppressors. There’s historical basis for a great deal of what happens, with added personal conflict, emotional tangles, and shagging in the Dye Hut. 
There’s also – fair warning – a very retrograde disability storyline, which would be hard not to find distasteful and offensive, an instance of attempted sexual assault, and the whole thing is whiter than milk (apart from the bit where some of the warriors – no doubt with historical accuracy – seem to black up for battle). 
Conversations must have been had about all of the above, to judge by the level of discussion in the New York Times about the show’s attempts to reclaim the battle in question from its adoption as a symbol of Far Right European groups. (Arminius, played by Laurence Rupp, was deliberately made brunette to distance the character from previous depictions as a blond, blue-eyed nationalist Germanic hero.) 
Speaking of blonde heroes, Barbarians has its very own Lagertha in the form of Jeanne Goursand’s Germanic noblewoman (and real historical figure) Thusnelda. She’s a proud daughter of the Cherusci tribe and fights with the best of them. We meet her being sized up by a potential groom and making no secret of her antipathy for him and the horse he rode in on. Five horses is what he’s willing to pay for his bride, but spend six episodes with her and you realise she’s worth a whole herd. Thusnelda’s a rock star, and Goursand gives a great account of her, from witchy incantations all the way to the battlefield. 
The battles are full of squelchy goodness, as are the many beheadings, immolations, whippings, crucifixions and axe fights. If the idea of a man eating a set of severed human testicles to celebrate a victory is a turn-off, then you should probably turn it off. The action doesn’t have the scale of Game of Thrones – what does? – but it’s sizeable enough and the final conflict gives it some welly.
Yes, it’s largely humourless, and you’ve definitely seen most of it before, but what really recommends Barbarians (a title that ironically adopts the Roman’s derogatory name for the Germanic peoples) is its sheer distance from the world of now. With its seers and sacrifices to Thor, heads on spikes, ornate Roman armour complete with handy nipple clips, and hearts ripped still beating from traitor’s chests, it’s nothing like our everyday. It’s history with a sprinkle of storytelling glamour, a six-episode, subtitled break from the world outside your window. Praise Wodan. And did I mention? Folkwin Wolfspeer. Come on.
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Barbarians is streaming now on Netflix.
The post Netflix’s Barbarians: Here to Fill The Last Kingdom and Vikings-Shaped Hole in Your Life appeared first on Den of Geek.
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Damn
Why is this so hard for me? I was doing great, eating healthy with the right mindset and then In started traveling again and as soon as I arrived in the new place things went to shit again. I mean ok, the week at the hostel was kind of hard. We could not cook anything for ourselfs and could not choose what they served us for lunch. I even bought fruit myself and a jar so I could prepare a healthy oatmeal breakfast for myself. But then I left the Hostel and in Granada and now with Jean I just eat whatever I want. I mean... I don’t feel like I’m obsessing over it but I definitely don’t eat low calorie foods... and I have all the cookies I want. The last few days I felt very unhappy with my figure again and I’m so sick of this. My body is fine. It’s beautiful. WHY do I have to live in a time were being as skinny as possible is considered good looking??? In baroque times I would have been a fucking beauty queen but no.. I gotta live in this fitness obsessed, low-carb, celery, tight gap crazy bullshit society.  Ok. Rant over. Maybe it’s time to accept the facts. I am fine with the way I look most days. I feel upset about my body when I feel like I’m not desirable because of my weight. I tend to abuse food for pleasure/filling the void. That is bad. I want to find a balance between pleasure and nourishment.  I’m also a person that needs little to no activity. My body would like a little more movement I’m sure. I need to find a way to integrate some movement into my days without it feeling like having to exercise. Those things are not all about weight loss. They are good reasons concerning my healthy and I should value my health more.  The thing is it’s so fucking easy to slip back into old habits because calorie rich food is everywhere around me and people even encourage you to eat it/more.  Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamnnnnnnnnnnn I gotta figure this out....
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xpbali · 6 years ago
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Top 5 things to do in Bali this month:
1. Fitness Fanatics:
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If you are anything like me, every holiday is planned around and close to a gym. Yes holiday is about relaxing, but a sweat session is important too.
Here are my 3 top gyms to visit and train at when you visit Bali:
Bali MMA:
Bali MMA is situated in the heart of Canggu, which is a very popular area most tourists book into when they visit Bali. Bali MMA is the number 1 MMA gym on the island which offers classes for all levels of fitness and experience. From Muay Thai, BJJ, Wresting to Yoga, they have you covered. They have top level coaches running the Muay Thai Classes, and Black Belts from all over the world joining them for a session, spreading knowledge from all different schools in the world. Definitely worth a pop in or a session to burn off that pizza from last night. www.balimma.com
Crossfit Wanderlust:
The Infamous Crossfit Wanderlust is situated right next door to Bali MMA is Canggu, not only do they have top Crossfit athletes from all over the world coming to visit and train there, but some of them even run retreats which you can book and enjoy. Crossfit is one of the best workouts which burns off all those burgers and beers in a session. So make sure to make a turn at Crossfit Wanderlust, oh did I mention their amazing banana flour pancakes and delicious coffee…  www.crossfitwanderlust.com
2BEFIT BALI:
Well, you are on holiday. So why not do a workout where you have scenery. 2BEFIT runs specialized  bootcamps on the beach. Challenging you not only physically but mentally too. They have qualified coaches to push you to your limits and help you reach your goals. After your session, what’s a better way to cool off then having a dip in the beautiful ocean, followed by a refreshing coconut. 2BEFIT hosts bootcamps in Canggu, Seminyak and Sanur. www.2befitbali.com
2. Night Life:
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We cant dispute the reputation Bali has when it comes to its night life. Bali is always happening, and often has top DJ’s and music artists performing here. Due to the fact that there are so many Clubs to choose from, offering different genres of music, it was hard to name just 3. With the help of Bali by Hotels.com, we picked our 3 from their top 10 clubs.
Sky Garden Rooftop & Lounge:
Sky Garden Rooftop is situated in the heart of Kuta, with not only raving reviews about their DJ’s and music, but their amazing food and drinks such as the Triple Vodka. “With an unbeatable ALL YOU CAN EAT BIG TEXAS BBQ BUFFET, that includes 4 HOURS of Free flow drinks of your choice for only 99k IDR.” Says TripAdvisor. This is definitely a place to see and enjoy at least once when you here in Bali. www.skygardenbali.com
Omnia:
Omnia is located on the limestone cliffs in Uluwatu, which has a breathtaking panoramic view of the Indian Ocean. A day club with a vibe which is so addictive, being surrounded by infinity pools, bungalows and pool beds which is accompanied by some of the best tunes played by famous DJ’s from all around the world – where else would you rather be? Also situated in Omnia is a modernized Japanese restaurant, ‘Sake No Hana’. With its flagship being in the center of London, I’m sure it’s food compliments the surroundings perfectly. www.omniaclubs.com
La Favela:
La Favela is situated in one of the most popular streets in Seminyak. La Favela is definitely a must. The interior decorations are mind blowing, with ponds and small bridges with semi gardens and artificial waterfalls, it captivates anyone who steps foot past the front door. Gonzalo and Sandra Assiego became fixated with turning this place which was originally a house into the masterpiece it is today. “For me La Favela is really underground. That is the soul of LA Favela. The party spirit. Yes you have dining in a beautiful place – the garden is beautiful but then its like the inside of a museum that has been made with love from our own search for pieces, to things from our homes and the homes of our friends. We also wanted to recreate the ambience of the underground 90’s party scene.” – Gonzalo and Sandra Assiego.www.lafavelabali.com 3. Spirituality:
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For those of you who are looking ‘inwards’ and are on a journey to find yourself and heal. Bali is the Island of a thousand Gods, and speaks to your soul on so many different levels. With beautiful temples and incense burning around every corner, add in prayers and meditation, and all the answers you are seeking will surface when you least expect it.
Elephant Cave
:In the heart of Ubud, the Elephant cave was built as a spiritual place for meditation. As you walk down towards the temple, you will be asked to wear appropriate attire such as a sarong, which you can rent at the entrance. Once you head down, you will see a pool with 5 out of 7 Hindu Angels holding vases which are sprouting out water. You can step into this shallow pool, where you can go stand in front of each angel and ask or wish for something. www.balibyhotels.com Once you are finished in the Pool, you can head up the stairs and towards the elephant cave. You may enter the temple where you can meditate and prayer to the respected Hindu Gods. If you are lucky, a Pemangku will bless you after your prayer.
Yoga Retreat:
When we find ourselves feeling lost in life, it often stems from too much stress, lack of self love and feeling overburdened. This is the time we need to center ourself and go deep within. We highly recommend booking into Como Shambhala Estate. At Como Shambhala Estate, you can book and find a package which best suits you. From Yoga teachers, Ayurvedic doctors, dietitians to signature massage therapies and beauty retreats – this a place where you can receive some TLC (tender loving care) and find peace and calmness. www.comohotels.com
Goa Giri (Nusa Penida):
Goa Giri is situated in Nusa Penida, which is located southeast of Bali. Not only is Nusa Penida known for its crystal blue waters which is popular for day trips that include snorkeling and hiking, but there is also a Large Cave Temple. The Large Cave Temple is found in the village of Suana. You will find the entrance is a narrow opening in rock face. Just before the main shrine in the cave, white marble covers the corners in the temple. In the temple, you will find 6 praying spots. “This includes the preceding stairway up to the Ida Hyang Tri Purusa lan Ganapati shrine at the entrance. The remaining five spots are inside. Visiting pilgrims must go through all of them, consecutively. Visits usually include a holy water purification ritual. Devotees take their seats on the raised marble platforms.” www.bali-Indonesia.com The Final praying spot is devoted to the Chinese deities known as Guan Yin or The Goddess of Mercy. “This is where a lot of people ask for blessings of better business and prosperity.” As stated by Bali by hotels. Definitely worth the trip we would say.
4. Surfing:
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You cannot fly all the way to Bali and not try the surf. Not only is Bali one of the top places to surf, but it’s a great place to learn to surf. There are nearly surf school at every beach you go to, you have to give it a try.
Uluwatu:
As you know when you search Bali, Uluwatu will always come up somewhere in your search as a recommendation. Uluwatu is very popular for its Surfing, Scenery and Unique temples. Once you have had your fun in the sun and caught those massive waves, there are plenty of massage places to pop into for a quick rub down before you make it back up to the top of the cliff, where you will probable find yourself enjoying sundowners to end off an epic day.
Padang Padang:
As you head through a beautiful hollow rock entrance, which is easily accessible. You will come across a white sandy beach which offers consistent barrels and an average of 4 foot waves and above. Padang Padang is a regular host for international surfing competition such as Rip Curl, therefore we recommend this beach more for intermediate and professional surfers.
Canggu – Pantai Batu Mejan – Echo Beach:
This beach is a black sand beach, and is well kept and is spotlessly clean. This beach is one of the best surf spots in Bali, with a laid back, chilled vibe which is complimented by beautiful sunsets. On top of all of that, there is amazing seafood to fill the gap after a busy day in the ocean. This beach is for intermediate to advanced surfers.
5. Eat:
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This was a tough decision to only mention 3 restaurants to try. I can think of at least 10 amazing restaurants to eat at all offering something unique. I absolutely love food, and Bali is definitely spoilt for choice.
Sisterfields:
Sisterfields being an Australian concept, is found just at the end of Eats Street opposite Seminyak Square. This is a place which is buzzing all day long. Their coffee is definitely up there and is one of the best coffees I have had so far here in Bali. Their breakfasts cater for everyone, but if you are a health conscious bunch, I would recommend their Açaí Berry breakfast bowl. If you are just dropping in for lunch, well their Australian all day Brunch menu should definitely fill the spot. www.sisterfields.com
Murni’s Warung:
If you are looking for the best Indonesian Cuisine, all you have to do is Whisper the word Murni and your driver will know exactly who you are talking about and where to go. The living Legend Murni is in Ubud and is often refereed to as the Mother of Ubud due to the fact that she pioneered tourism in Ubud and is still very active in her restaurant. The great thing about Murnis Warung is, if you would like to stay over and experience ubud a little longer she has a guest house and spa which you can book into. From A le carte menus, healthy menus to vegetarian menus she has something for everyone. To book a reservation to indulge: www.murnis.com
Ultimo:
Ultimo Italian Restaurant was definitely worth every penny and the 10min wait to get a table. When driving down Eats Street in Seminyak, I often wondered what the hold up was as taxis stop and empty out by the car load in front of this restaurant. Now that I have experienced their delicious food and buzzing restaurants, I will definitely be returning for more. Pizza, pasta, chicken, steak – everything was and is excellent. Give them a try when you visit Bali: www.bali-business.site.com #Bali #BaliProperty #BaliInformation #TodoInBali #Surfing #BaliRestaurant #BaliGym
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thatkindofwoman · 8 years ago
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My mother and I were driving together, some months past and she talked a bit about human memory. Specifically how your, my, our, memories as we remember them are most likely false. That in fact over time, we seem to continue to fill the gaps in the memory with more falsehoods until finally we are in fact living in the fiction in which we have convinced ourself is a memory. 
Imagine. 
Everything you think has happened, maybe even now you recall something, is probably just even a tiny bit different than you remembered shortly after it happened. Altered by you, by time, by experience, by bitterness, by happiness. 
To think. 
He or she doesn’t remember the same way, and I don’t remember that way, or even the way we may have thought or remembered it days, months, and now years later. 
I don’t feel so bad about not remembering things, because then I’m not tricking myself, or forcing myself to remember. Instead, I’m learning not to catalog, or recreate. Instead, just ride the present. Wrangle it, claim it, and enjoy it. 
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