#we just got a bit of normalcy back for all of them i need more than one more season of that

[n1blakelover]

i feel like i’m the only one that doesn’t want arc 3 (seasons 8-10) to be set far into the future. like im talking 10 years into the future. because i know that if this happens and the characters are in marriages and have their own children then the story is more than likely going to be about their children and i personally want to know more about the characters we’ve been with, not their kids. don’t get me wrong, i would love to see domestic rayllum and their kids and how all the other characters have grown up, but i don’t want those children to be the focus. i want more of the characters we already know and love. which is why if we do get arc 3, i want it to still be about our main characters (obviously while branching out to seeing others like how arc 2 has branched out to lux aurea) and their conflicts and stories and lives. i’ve seen a lot of theories for how they could still be the focus and my favorite one is probably with the antagonists being the cosmic order against our characters

[trainsinanime]

I wonder: Do Americans know about american school buses? Not their existence in general, but how they're seen overseas.

Over here, they're one of the symbols of America, on par with the Statue of Liberty, the flag, the Eagle, and well ahead of any chain restaurant you can name. People won't know any US states, but they will know these vehicles.

The thing is, here in Germany, we don't have dedicated school buses. The general idea is that kids go to school on their own. When that's not practical, they're expected to use (and given free tickets for) public transit. Public transit is designed around this requirement; there are many places where there is a bus, and anyone can get on it, but the route and timetable really only makes sense for school children. In case a dedicated school bus is really needed, that's generally subcontracted out, and the lines either use something like a Sprinter Van for smaller routes, or a normal city or interurban bus (often a used one that's a bit older). School trips are normal public transit, or a rented bus, typically a coach or regional bus.

It's not a perfect system, in the past couple of years there's been an epidemic of people bringing their kids to school in their cars instead of letting them walk, which is less than ideal. It is what it is. But building a dedicated network of public transit lines only for students, and building dedicated vehicles only for that, has never occurred to anyone here.

Of course we know about these buses, from movies and such, but they're as foreign here as cacti or pick-up trucks (actually we're seeing more and more of these here) or yellow cabs (all europeans will assume all cabs in the US are yellow until they actually visit).

You do see these buses here at times, because people still generally like the idea of the US, even if they have a lot of issues with a lot of details, and so folks bring them over, along with stretch limos and stuff (also not really a thing here). And of course, if someone goes to all that trouble, they don't do it to haul school kids, they rent it out for city tours or as a party bus or whatever.

So you see these yellow things as a symbol of faraway places, scenic vistas, some vague undefined idea of freedom that doesn't necessarily hold up to any contact with reality, and it's just a huge part of the whole US aesthetic.

And then you go to a student exchange with the US, and you finally get the chance: You yourself get to ride in one of these iconic chrome yellow buses! It looks just like in the movies! You get in, you drive in them a little…

…and you realise they're shit. Just the worst buses in the western world. Terrible suspension. Uncomfortable seats with weirdly high backs (so they don't have to put seatbelts in, they just restrict how far kids can fly in an accident). Everything made out of the cheapest materials. Turns out the reason why the US uses school buses like that instead of normal modern city buses, which the US has, is to save money and because they just hate kids.

And then it hits you why US Americans say "as American as apple pie", a dish that is made and enjoyed literally anywhere in the world, instead of "as American as yellow school buses". Of course the Americans already knew all this. They got tortured by these things forever. It would never occur to them to see this as a symbol of America, it's just a normal part of life for them. It's a symbol of school and school life and sometimes normalcy, and tells us that these actors getting out of it are supposed to be teenagers, nothing more.

But most people in Europe have, of course, never ridden on these buses. So when they see them in movies and TV, that's a giant big yellow signifier that we're not in Hessen or Wallonia or wherever anymore. A symbol of a different world, one that may be at most a once-in-a-lifetime-experience for most people, just like a picture of a tropical beach, Mayan Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, or Hildesheim (there's no reason to go there twice). And I think Americans don't know that, and that's fascinating.

[inbarfink]

I wanna go a bit full-circle with a post I did right after the first two episodes of ‘Fionna and Cake’ dropped - about the nature of Simon Petrikov’s sense of identity. And more specifically, with how his titular episode centered around the ways his deteriorating mental state and the new context of his life has really torn away at everything Simon used to define himself as. 

Because Simon Petrikov used to be a lot of things. He was an antiquarian and an archaeologist, a man deeply fascinated by the concept of Magic and the supernatural in a mundane world that ridiculed him for it at every turn, an adventurous outdoorsman, and a deeply caring and fatherly man.

But when we meet him at the start of “Simon Petrikov”, he has lost all the passion for his job - especially as he now has to perform it basically as a living museum exhibit. He is now stuck in a word filled with Magic and feels like the only mundane thing in it. He is unable to handle the sort of dangers you would find in an Oooian camping trip. And he made a little girl cry.

And there’s one more thing Simon used to define his identity as, and that is the one he ended up clinging to more than anything in that one episode, even though it was just as decimated as every other facet of his old identity, and the one that ends up jump-starting the plot. And that is being Betty Grof’s other half.

So now, looking back at this second episode at the end of the series, it really feels appropriate that throughout his adventures Simon managed to rediscover these old elements of his personality, that all these aspects of his identity managed to get reinforced and validated…

For most of the series he was basically doing his old job again - travelling around, trying to discover and uncover an ancient artifact.

And you can really see how he regains his excitement for research. 

And by the end of the show, he ends up really rediscovering a passion for his work (and also realized that this Living Museum Exhibit set-up is not conducive for his mental health, which is also a step in the right direction).

 

And he gets to show-off his understanding of Magic

And by the end of the show, Simon doesn’t feel like such an outsider in Ooo anymore. Probably helped by the fact his cellphone connection with Fionna gives him that little connection to 'normalcy' he was missing.

And he got to go on an adventure again, and handle it better than his Camping Trip Funtimes with Finn. Probably because he was around Adventure Novices Fionna and Cake, who were a bit closer to his ‘level’ than a crazy-seasoned adventurer like Finn

And by the end of the show, you can see him seeking thrills on his own terms.

And his ability be kind and fatherly and comforting was validated both by his constant interactions with Fionna - who isn’t a child, but is still a younger person who often needed his emotional support

And also by a very grim reminder of how truly important he was for Marcy.

And by the end of the show, he has managed to make a connection with Astrid, despite them starting out on such a sour note.

But 'Simon Petrikov, Betty Grof's beloved'? That aspect of himself did get some validation, via him getting to share their love story with Fionna

But it was not entirely validated, was it? That was the one aspect of himself that was actually challenged - the one part of himself was clinging to like a lifeline when he felt like he was falling apart, that was the one part of himself that he had to both recontextualize in his head and eventually realized he had to finally let go off…

[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 6

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

...........................................................................

‘Jude Bellingham, Jude fucking Bellingham was in our house?’

Ananya was plopped onto Roma’s bed, enjoying her friend’s frantic outburst. While holding on to the black RM leather jacket he had left behind. 

‘For the zillionth time, yes.’

Roma paced around the room, delirious with excitement & borderline rage.

‘And I was right here? 25 feet away? And you couldn’t call me?’

‘He was only here for like 10 mins, and….we were otherwise occupied.’

And I wasn’t really in my senses. Well, this bit she didn’t say out loud.

‘Oh my fuckin lord. Think my brain’s gonna explode. You kissed him. You kissed Jude Bellingham. Should I be happy for you or throttle you in jealousy? Fuck man!’

She continued her frantic pacing which amused Ananya further. Yes Roma had a crush on Jude (everyone did) but she had been with her college boyfriend for over 3 years. The crush was quite harmless. Borderline horny at times but generally harmless.

‘He kissed me.’

She clarified plainly, lips curving into a smile as her friend burst into another rant.

‘Yeah yeah. Lover boy couldn’t resist snogging you. I got it. But he could have said hi after.’

Ananya pulled Roma on to the bed, next to her, and hugged her tightly.

‘Next time, promise.’

That cheered her up. Her attention then went to the jacket in Ananya’s hands. When Ananya confirmed it was indeed his, she grabbed the jacket, sniffed it and hummed appreciatively.

Ananya smacked her arm in mock admonishment.

‘What? You get the whole package and I can’t even get a whiff? How’s that fair?’

Ananya just pulled the jacket back in response, wrapping it around herself.

‘Behave. Or I am telling Chris.’

Roma dismissed the false threat regarding her boyfriend. 

‘Yeah yeah. Tell me, would lover boy be open to a threesome? My birthday is in a month and you’d make the Guinness book for being the best friend ever if you serve me that sweet piece of ass.’

Ananya gasped and hit her with a pillow, both bursting into a fit of giggles.

That ugly voice inside her did wonder if he had done something like that before. Also, how easy it would have been if he had met someone as easygoing as Roma. Instead of her.

But, two nights in a row, he had asked for a chance. And she wanted to give him one. So she nipped the thoughts in the bud and let Roma distract her with all the plans she was making with the three of them together.

Monday morning brought her much needed normalcy and routine. The office was still buzzing with the Classico excitement. 

It hit her how nuts her weekend had been. When she left work on Friday evening, she had never met him. He had stormed into her life 2.5 days ago and turned everything upside down, inside out, consuming every waking moment of hers.

She opened her laptop, somehow zoned out of everything else, only checking her phone at lunch. Smiling at the notification. 

Jude: Lads are saying am buzzing today. Wonder why.

She smiled at his insinuation. Then pictured him being a nuisance in training. 

Ananya: No clue. Classico hangover? Hit your head in a tackle? 

He came online when she sent the message, probably having lunch too.

Jude: Need me to come over and give you a reminder? Your office desk instead of your dining table? 

He cut to the chase straightaway. Her whole body jerked as she pictured what he was implying. He wasn’t one to concede, on or off the pitch. She was starting to see that. 

He also was a shameless flirt. And she couldn’t afford to let him get her all riled up in the middle of work.

Ananya: Fine, you win 🤷‍♀️

Jude: Good girl :)

They both said goodbyes soon after, returning to their busy schedules.

In the evening, she sent him a quick message to wish safe travels. He responded with a relaxed selfie of him onboard the flight, making his patented ‘say cheese’ face. A sweet, goofy, handsome face. 

Next evening was Madrid’s away match. It was also Ananya’s most stressful day at work since she joined 5 months ago. She ended up missing the match but caught the highlights when she finally got a breather after sending her report. They looked rough - tackles, yellow cards, clashes all over the pitch. Madrid had drawn and missed out on 2 crucial points.

She checked her phone. The match had ended 90 mins ago. Where would he be and what to even say to him right now?

Ananya: Hey!

She dropped the message and quickly checked her laptop to see if there was any response from the New York team on the report yet. No new mail. It was already 10 pm but she would just have to wait in the office till they give an ok, or for 45 mins, whichever was sooner.

Her phone flashed.

Jude: Horrible day. Wanna punch someone.

Ananya: Punch my New York team, they pissed me off nonstop today. On your way back?

Jude: Oh nooo. Fuckin runway is down in this fuckall city. Red-eye flight tmrw then straight to training. Fuck my life.

Ananya: Wanna talk?

He face-timed her instantly. She rushed to find an empty cabin and answered his call.

It was quite a scene. It looked like someone had robbed him & trashed his hotel room. 

He was sat on the table, in front of his laptop, head resting on his forearms. That’s how she found him.

‘Hey Jude’

‘Hmphh.’

He groaned, still keeping his head buried.

‘Want me to sing it like the fans do?’

He whipped his head up. And she saw how upset he really was. Frown lines all over that pretty face. Sparkle missing from the coffee-brown eyes. Her heart yearned to comfort him.

‘Why should you? Why should the fans? I didn’t give them any reason to cheer for me today. I let them down. Let my team down. My coach, the staff, my family. I let everyone I care about down with that horrendous display today.’

She knew he wasn’t done, so she waited patiently while he gathered his breath and continued ranting.

‘We lost two crucial points because I fuckin missed sitters. SITTERS Ananya. Not one but two. Like I can score them with my eyes closed but nope. Had to be a total wanker today. When my team needed me.’

He stood up agitatedly and paced around the table. She could see he was still fully dressed, so was probably moping around in his room since he came back.

‘Did you speak to your mum?’

He took off his watch & jacket, throwing them on the bed. His shoes flew to some other corner of the room.

‘Yes. She says I wasn’t bad & that I should stop blaming myself. But she’s my mum - of course she would say that. I know I was fucking shit not just bad.’

He wrestled with his belt, peeling it off and was midway through pulling his jumper off when she spoke next. 

‘I would have to agree. Offensively you were poor today.’

Silence at the other end. He paused for 2 seconds, then took the jumper off in irritation and sat in front of her. Bare-chested. No one had said this to him tonight, even from the team or coaching staff. And obviously not his family. 

She kept her eyes firmly on his face. 

‘You wanted honesty right? So there you go. You didn’t make enough meaningful runs in the box, the link-up with the front line was not clicking and yes the finishing was unlike you. Should have scored at-least one of the two chances.’

That stung, especially coming from her. He wondered if it was the Madridista talking or the girl he was fascinated by. But at-least she wasn’t giving him any rosy crap.

‘Hmm.’

He stared at his hands. Eyes not meeting hers.

‘At the same time, I will also say that you were damn good defensively. All the tracking back, tackles, work rate, interceptions - on point. That’s a key part of your role and your team knows that. The fans can see that. Plus they smothered you every-time you touched the ball. Very physical tussle throughout. They really went for you. And the ref should have intervened sooner.’

He looked at her with such understanding and helplessness. The urge to hug him grew stronger.

‘The ref - what a stupid fuck. They should have had two red cards. See this?’

He pulled up his joggers to show her his badly bruised calf. And then his shoulder, where they had elbowed him twice. She felt like wrapping him up in a protective blanket. 

‘Oh Jude. Just put something on this ok, don’t let it be. But here is another thing - it will happen. They will come after you coz you are a key threat now. The refs won’t always intervene. You’ll need to take it in your stride and not be agitated on the field. That squaring up with the centre back - it was a yellow, you got away. Can’t react like that, can’t bump into them so aggressively. Don’t let it get to you, don’t let them win.’

He nodded absent-mindedly, still kicking himself for all his stupidities today. Her observations were bang on though. He was almost proud of her football knowledge. Not just smart in her work but an all around star. 

His grumpiness started to go down and the stiffness dissipated from his posture.

‘One last thing - what you have been doing so far is not normal. It’s the honeymoon period. You won’t score every game. A dip will come. But you will bounce back and still be great. Know why? Coz of how much you care, how much you want it, and how talented you are. If I can see it from the outside, then you must know it in your heart. Think about it, you’re 20. Last few months have been nuts. Absolute bonkers. A Ronaldo like debut even!’

That last line had the desired effect. His lips curved into a sweet smile. He knew she won’t use that analogy lightly, even for him. 

‘There he is - there’s the notorious happy boy I know.’

She smiled right back and he blew her a kiss, sending her heart reeling.

While she steadied herself, he finally noticed her surroundings.

‘Ur in office? It’s 10:30 pm.’

She groaned loudly.

‘Yup. Just sent my report. Waiting for a go ahead, then I can push off.

‘Agnes can pick you up if you want. It’s raining there no?’

‘Thanks for offering. But I will take a cab, no bother.’

‘It’s not a bother, really.’

‘Jude - I am a big girl. I’ll manage.’

She said it sweetly but firmly. He got the message. Starting to depend on him for any of these things was not what she wanted to do, so she was going to protect that space.

Ananya checked her mail again. Still no reply. She only had to wait 30 mins more then she could leave. He offered to be on call with her for that time. They spoke about random things for the next few mins - the distraction really helping them both.

Some time later, a knock on the cabin door startled her. She quickly minimised her video call screen when Arjun walked in with a cup of coffee and some cookies. Seeing that she was on a call, he left them on the table, waved at her and walked out.

Ananya watched him leave, and prayed to all gods known and unknown that Jude hadn’t seen who it was. But the silence on the line was deafening. She sighed and maximised the screen again.

The happy boy was gone. Replaced by a serious, hard face. Like someone had fouled him with a two-legged sliding tackle & run away with the ball.

‘The fuck was that?’

Jude said in a low, cold tone. Sending a chill down her back. She kept her tone steady & even in response.

‘Nothing. He’s my direct supervisor on this project. Both of us were working on this report and now we are waiting to hear back. He would have gone down to the cafeteria so just got me some coffee. That’s it. Nothing more.’

Jude only focused on a few words there - rest fell on deaf ears.

‘It’s just you two there right now?’

‘Well, on other floors there are more people. It’s investment banking after all. But on this floor, yes. Just us.’

Just us. Those words stung more than all the fouls on him that night. 

‘Does he know you are taken?’

The way he said taken sent shivers down her back, for entirely different reasons than a minute ago. His calculated, authoritative tone wasn’t helping either. 

‘We said we won’t tell anyone. So how could he know?’

‘You don’t have to tell him you are with me. But why can’t you say you are with someone? Off limits?’

He threw the logic straight back in her face. She thought about it for a few seconds. 

‘It will just invite too many questions. Too many asks for me to bring along the person at parties, get togethers blah blah. Can’t make excuses all the time, so easier to say nothing I guess.’

He turned his face away, frustrated but trying to keep a lid on it, as he thought of what to say next. But he whipped his face back at her when another unpleasant thought hit him.

‘Does he drive to work?’

She knew where this was going. He was too plain to read when he got like this. Myriad of emotions took over - she was feeling guilty, frustrated & tired at the same time. 

‘Yes. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t planning to take a ride back with him.’

‘But he has offered before, hasn’t he?’

She knew he had her beat. She wanted to protest that he was overreacting but logically and factually, he had her there. 

‘I knew it. Fuckin hate his guts I swear!’

Ananya wanted to hold him, shake him, even kiss him to make him stop talking and thinking like this. If only they were together right now.

He was thinking the same thing. If they were together, he would have grabbed her and kissed the living daylights out of her. Pouring all his frustrations into her lips.

‘Jude - you asked me to trust you. And I did. Do you not return the sentiment?’

He wanted to slam his fits on the table, but somehow held back. Didn’t she get it still?

‘Oh I trust you. It’s HIM I don’t trust.’

‘What could he do? Even if he asks me out, I will politely refuse. And we get on with our lives. How is it different from the zillion women who come on to you all the time? This is just one person.’

She was really pushing his buttons now.

‘Oh it’s different. Because that leech would be with you day and night and would think he can grow on you. Wear you down. Make you fall for him. He won’t stop trying, till he knows you are mine. Men operate like that, sweetheart. Wake up and smell the coffee.’

‘Gosh, you can be so thick. Just like all men.’

‘Excuse me?’

Was she trying to piss him off on purpose? Testing him was not a good idea tonight. 

‘Excused. Can’t you see I am not attracted to him? What will he do, some kind of voodoo to magically change my mind? In these 5 months, I have never once thought of him. Even casually. Never looked at him. And yes on paper he’s a great match for me but god damnit I don’t feel any spark there. He doesn’t make me go weak in the knees like y..’

She stopped herself just in time. His eyes watching her like a hawk. 

‘Go on.’

‘No. You don’t deserve to hear it right now.’

‘Disagree.’

‘Well you can shove your disagreement where the sun doesn’t shine.’

He smiled smugly, almost appreciatively, and leaned back in the chair, moving both arms behind his neck. Giving her a full view of his bare upper body - muscles & veins flexing & bulging at all the right places.

She knew what he was doing. And tried really hard to keep his eyes glued to his face. But her gaze wandered, making him more smug.

‘Gotta do something about that mouth of yours, no dove?’

Her lips opened and closed in vain for a comeback; he had thrown her off. 

‘Have half a mind to come straight to you when I land, wake you up in the middle of the night & keep you up. What say?’

Her skin started to feel hot and her hands gripped the edge of the chair to steady herself. 

‘Behave, pls. I am in the office.’

‘Not so sassy now, are we?’

‘As if you don’t like that.’

She whispered under her breath. 

‘Oh I love it. So much. But baby I want the sass to remain when you are wrapped around me, not just from afar.’

She sighed loudly, hating how she seemed to have no control on her senses every time she was around him. How easily he flustered her. 

‘Gosh you are just non-stop aren’t you.’

‘In every which way. You’ll find out soon.’

‘Juuuuude.’

She groaned warningly. Wondering how flushed she had gotten and how she would leave the cabin now. This boy was just too much.

At least he was smiling now. Smug, proud, conquering smile. Even that looked endearing on him, damn that prick. 

‘Okay okay. We are on for tomorrow night? My place?’

‘Yes - if no surprises at work.’

‘Cool, cya then. Let Agnes pick you up tmrw? Will be easier to enter the compound.

That seemed fair. She also noticed how he had framed it differently from earlier.

‘Ok, I will ping him directly.’

‘Great. And dove?’

‘Yes?’

He leaned in close to the screen. Soft expression. Genuine, sweet smile. Warm twinkling eyes. Handsomest of handsome face. She forgot she had been mad at him 30 seconds ago. 

‘Thanks for everything tonight. I…it was a rough day.’

She smiled from ear to ear, fighting the urge to stroke the screen of her phone where his face was. So near yet so far. 

‘Glad to see you are feeling better. Go talk to your mom now, she would be happy to see you are not in a foul mood anymore.’

45 mins were up some time ago. Still no new mail from NY, meaning she could leave now. But he somehow didn’t want to let her go. She didn’t seem to mind that either. 

It surprised him how quickly she had lifted his spirits. Just with a conversation. In the past, he would have found other outlets to channel his frustration, and a heart to heart talk would not have been in the consideration set.

But she was different. And he was also different with her. 

What he did next surprised both of them.

He leaned forward, smushed his lips against the laptop screen and kissed the spot where her face was, while making kissing noises.

Her heart skipped a couple of beats at the tenderness of the moment. And her hand went up involuntarily to stroke his face. Neither wanting to hang up still. 

But it was getting late and she wasn’t letting him arrange a ride back. So, he had to let her go.

‘Good night, babe. Ping me when you reach?’

‘Will do. Good night, Jude.’

They hung up grudgingly. Yet, neither moved from their seats. Reliving some of the moments in their heads. Tomorrow night just couldn’t come soon enough. 

...................................................................................

There you go. All this Jude content last few days drove me to write. As always, would love to hear your thoughts / comments / feedback. Hope you are liking the story & these two, lots more to come :)

[cinnamonest]

how do you think goro would feel about a childhood friend!darling?

Goro Akechi has a lot of hate in that heart of his, but other than the man he hates more than anything, there are two other things he hates the most: lack of control, and vulnerability.

He needs control over situations, over people, and when he can manage it, over the course of fate itself. The Metaverse and years of hard effort into a public persona he wears so flawlessly have granted him the sort of control he desires, for the most part.

He hates to be vulnerable, hates his own weaknesses, hates them being perceived by others.

You present both.

It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him. Really, up until the point you saw his name on screen one day, you admittedly remembered him as ‘that sad boy at school I was nice to when we were little,’ and your memories of him had all but faded into the background of your life, never thinking of him much after that until he pops back into your life.

At first, you think it can’t be the same person, surely. At least until the familiar — albeit aged a bit older than in your memories — face comes on the screen. It feels quite surreal. A drastic shift from the little boy you remember angrily sulking on the playground all by himself away from the other kids, whom you admittedly talked to mostly out of pity. Still, you felt like you bonded in the end, before he got whisked away when the relatives fostering him decided to dump him off onto someone else, thus forcing him to transfer schools.

You’re happy for him. He looks very happy now, you think, his situation must have improved. He’s even living in the city now apparently, just like you.

The positive coincidences stack atop each other when you actually get to see him.

Completely by chance, not seeking him out or anything, you just so happen to be walking home on an uncrowded street, and he just so happened to be coming back from a hit, now as normalized and mundane to him as any other work-related task — and you just so happen to meet right as you each turn a corner, perfectly scenic, as if ordained by fate.

And while Goro Akechi has spent a very long time by now perfecting the art of composure, what he sees takes him so far aback that even he lets the mask momentarily slip — completely freezing up, slack-jawed and stiff with shock and disbelief. There’s a moment where only silence passes, he looks at you like he’s seeing a ghost, an expression almost like horror managing to escape his automatic efforts to keep a straight face.

You don’t notice that part. You’re too caught up in the surprise and elation, gasping and smiling and rambling on about what a coincidence it is, and—

Do you remember me…?

The shock only lasts a split second. The composure is back, the mask pushed back into place, and with practiced mastery of charm, he bounces back near instantly.

Even in spite of the sudden onslaught of emotions and memories that feels like his very soul is being stabbed at, he manages to keep up the usual Prince-Charming act of his. Says the lines expected of him, so standard you could probably guess them before they come out of his mouth — wow, long time no see, what a coincidence, it’s good to see you, how have you been, all the generic phrases and lines one should say, just like the ones you provide in return. A back-and-forth dialogue predetermined by conventions and standards of normalcy and expectation as composed by a given social framework in which all humans live. You do mention that you’ve seen him on TV — for some reason, it makes his stomach feel like its twisting, but he gives you a humble-sounding reply all the same.

All as his heart pounds so heavily it feels like it’s going to burst though is chest. Adrenaline surges thought his veins and every nerve on his body feels like it’s frozen over, an ice-cold chill that runs through his blood, a ringing in his ears, even a lightheadedness that begins to take hold, his entire body reacting in shock and panic.

You fetch a piece of paper from your bag, scribble something down, hand it over to him — his own hand moves reflexively, as if out of his control, to take it. A series of numbers — oh. Your contact. You’re smiling now, saying something about how you would love to catch up sometime. Your voice sounds far away, his head feels like it’s spinning, but he still manages his signature soft smile and voice as he gives you yet another generic reply.

Sure, that would be wonderful.

A few more lines back-and-forth that he doesn’t even remember by the end of the day, his brain essentially giving replies on an auto-pilot means of conversation. He manages to make some excuse about work, churns out a farewell, briskly walks off with a noticeably deliberate fast pace.

You feel a little embarrassed, as you walk home. He seemed in a hurry to end the conversation. Perhaps it was presumptuous to give him a contact. He probably couldn’t care less. He’s a big, important person now, someone like that has no time for someone like yourself.

…

Your suspicions are more or less validated. He doesn’t contact you.

In fact, from the moment he gets home that day, he tries to forget the interaction entirely.

There’s multiple reasons why. For one, you present a potential obstacle, a burden, a risk. He can’t afford to have you complicating things, getting in his way. It takes some time for his heart to stop racing, and that alone irritates him — why do you get to have such a reaction from him, beyond his control?

Moreover, the emotions that hit him when he saw you were too much. Dangerously intense, something he can’t allow to weigh on him, doesn’t have the time to focus on.

To be frank, those emotions were largely negative anyway. The mere sight of your face stirs up all sorts of memories from that era of his life, most of which were deeply unpleasant. There’s a deep-rooted bitterness that rises up in his stomach, old emotions he’s worked so long to suppress, and you came and dug them up in just a few brief minutes. In truth, he thought about you very often back then — he never really got to say goodbye to you (even if, he often bitterly thought, you never cared that much about him anyway), and he had to force himself to forget you over time, and yet you’ve come and undone his efforts.

And finally — the thought of you makes him feel a new emotion, one he does not like. Something like anxiousness, fear, and in turn, anger at himself and you alike for inducing such a feeling. You stand as a sort of weakness, a single unstable factor in a world where he feels like he has some degree of a grasp of control on nearly everything — you feel uncertain, unsteady, out of his reach… no, it’s not just that. You feel unsafe. You have knowledge and memories of him that no one else does, you have seen him at his weakest, and that makes him feel far more vulnerable then he can stand.

And yet, he saves your number to his phone all the same. Lets it sit there.

Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore. He is a busy person, he can keep himself distracted. Sometimes, though, in the odd hours of the night when his emotions are at their peak, he types a message, two, a dozen, he loses count — only to shake his head and come to his senses, huffing in frustration and holding the backspace down until it’s all deleted, cursing himself internally for even coming close to doing something so foolish.

You keep coming up in his thoughts, an emotion he can’t pretend is anything but yearning feels like a knot in his chest, yet the very thought of you makes him feel sick to his stomach. The conflict between the emotions is unbearable, makes him lose sleep, makes him lose focus.

You who knew him when he was this quiet, sullen, embittered child — you were nice to him, one of the only people who showed him genuine kindness back then — you who certainly knows that the charming act in front of the cameras is merely that, an act, a mask, a lie. It feels as if playing a game with one’s own cards facing outwards towards the opponent, completely exposed, laid bare. The act can’t work on you when you know what he’s really like, know his pains and vulnerabilities, have the potential to strike at the weakest parts of him.

Nor do you fall under his realm of control. The means he has for control relies on his ability to enforce it — means to kill and ruin lives. What he wants from you, though — at least, what he wanted from you back then, he won’t let himself even consider the matter now — falls entirely out of the realm of how he likes to control people, the usual purpose for which he desires the manipulation of others — power, advancement in his goals, to snake his way inside to strike.

It's all confusing. Irritating. It's outside the realm of what he has an easy way to manipulate, and that means he's at a disadvantage, that you have an upper hand, and he can't stand for that.

Still, he wonders about you. Every time a camera faces his way, he wonders if you’ll see the filming. When he makes posts to the little page he runs that the fans eat up, he wonders if you visit it too, if you’re one of those thousands of faceless followers. He wonders how often you think about him. He wonders about the day the two of you ran into each other for the first time in so long — did you go home, and look him up online? How long did you spend doing so? What did you read? Did your view of him change, positively, negatively?

And of course, he thinks about you and your life. What have you been up to, since then? Where has your path in life taken you? You probably have friends. You probably have a partner too. You’re someone who always seemed to be loved by others — he still recalls perfectly the burning bitterness in his stomach when he saw your happiness, your family, your friends, the things you had that he did not. How he resented you for it — he still does, even if he tries to tell himself such emotions are childish. Sometimes he almost thinks he hates you, even if in the end he always finds that he can’t.

And worst of all, he finds that the mere thought of you changes how he behaves.

When he’s at a lower-end news outlet interview, he doesn’t put quite as much energy in… until it occurs to him that there’s always a chance you’ll see it, and he finds himself sitting up straighter, putting in more effort into being charming and witty for the camera.

He almost says something in another interview, but it occurs to him that he doesn’t know how you feel on the matter, and he finds himself taking what was originally a strongly-worded response in his head and neutralizing it as much as possible, to avoid upsetting you should you see it and disagree with him. He doesn't even realize it until the words are out of his mouth.

You do that to him. He who has come to think of himself as so far above others, and yet you — some child from long ago who just so happened to find him again and speak to him for no more than a few minutes — influence his actions, you consume his thoughts. You control him, and you don’t even know it, nor did you have any intention to. And even though he recognizes it, even though he tries to put it to rest and forget you entirely, he can’t bring himself to do it, can’t tap the screen to delete the contact.

It’s infuriating. He can’t stand it. The fact that you do what you do to him so effortlessly leaves him seething and stewing in a rage you probably don’t even realize he’s capable of. And that much he’s acutely aware of as well. You know more of the “real” him than anyone else, you saw him in a phase when he was always pouty and melancholic — yet even then, you don’t know the half of it, don’t realize just how much malice and fury rests beneath the calm outward surface, nor how deep it runs.

He’s not a delusional sort, he’s very self-aware, and he knows how ridiculous the thoughts he’s having are — yet he has them anyway. It’s what, three in the morning, and here he is sitting on the edge of is bed, hunched over in the dark with his face in his hands, stewing in bitterness because he just can’t stop thinking about you. Yes, he knows the thought is absurd, yet he allows it anyway — allows himself to blame you, to resent you for it as if it were an intentional act on your end, to think of you as audacious, having committed some grand transgression against him.

He’s a celebrity, a genius, he has powers unfathomable to the average person — and here you are, you’re nobody, making him think about you. The more he gives in and allows himself to slip into that way of thinking, regardless of how nonsensical he knows it is, the angrier and angrier he gets, the greater the malice that swells in his chest—

—and the darker his thoughts become on what to do with you.

If he forces himself to think it through reasonably, of course, he realizes that you’ve done nothing wrong, that you’ve been nothing but kind to him, and maybe, just maybe, a part of him even feels guilty for any unwholesome, sinister thoughts run through his head — you don’t deserve anything bad to happen to you, and he’s being embarrassingly childish for such boorish, overly-simplistic thoughts like keeping you and taking you away and hurting you and making you pay. Particularly the last — you’ve done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve any harm, and in the rational part of his mind, he knows this.

But if he were to allow those petulant feelings to take over…

If he let the irrational resentment and yearning and attachment and bitterness take over, if he stopped being rational about it, if he just acted on impulses and feelings alone, then he would have something to make you pay for. To make you the object of all the negative emotions that plague him, make you an outlet for his crippling desperation and rage and affection and covet and pain and misery and yearning — yes, he could put all those emotions into you, unload that burden and force you to take it off his shoulders, force you to be something for him to have to himself and use for his own desires and ease of his pain like he always wanted back then.

Maybe he never stopped wanting that, even if he forced every thought of you to the back of his mind for so many years. It was easier to deny the yearning when he could tell himself he would never see you again. He doesn't have that to hold him back anymore — he stares at the screen of his phone that burns his eyes in the darkness, knowing contact with you is a few mere taps away.

But even back then, he wasn’t so stupid as to not realize you interacted with him because he was pitiful and pathetic and obviously troubled and you were the sort of sweet person that went out of your way to be nice to such other children. He was acutely aware of that fact, it irritated him then, it irritates him now. Yet he latched on like a leech anyway, a fact that makes his face feel hot with embarrassment when he recalls how his child self clung to you so strongly, so pathetically. He couldn’t help it. He was so weak, back then.

But here he is, spending hours of his time thinking about you — can he really say he’s less weak to you now?

It’s not as if it’s the first time he had dark thoughts regarding you. Of course, he envied your life back then, but far more than that, he envied you. To have you to himself, as if an object from which he derived happiness that should be just for him. How upset he was when you were kind to people who weren’t him, spent time with others. Even back then, as a child, you have no idea the sort of things he crafted in his head, elaborate fantasies where everyone important to you died off somehow so he could have you all to himself. Fantasies that soothed both his bitterness for you and his desire for you — let you feel pain like he had felt, make sure you couldn’t think yourself better than him, while still ending up something all for him alone to have and enjoy for himself, ensure your kindness was just for him.

Only back then, he had no power to act on such fantasies.

Now…

…

…

...And one night, his resistance finally breaks.

You know what? Maybe he does deserve that. After all the effort he’s put in, after all the things he’s endured, maybe he does deserve to have something all for himself, something he truly wants, something he can secure and know with certainty won’t ever leave his side — you can’t if you don’t have the option.

Maybe you’ll hate him for it. Maybe he’d deserve it if so. But if you do, well, he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

His fingers move without having to really think much about it. Generic, typical lines, just like when he spoke with you. Apologizing for the delay, but surely you understand he’s busy and all, so on and so on. He only pays attention to the very last line, as his fingers slow down in their typing with nerves and anticipation.

>Would you still be up for getting together sometime?

[faggot-greg-house]

house is autistic i will accept no criticism

i have so many thoughts about house and autism. this might be the most unhinged post on my tumblr yet but here we go so house had the illusion of normalcy forced on him from a young age. i dont think thats like, full canon, but house talks about how his father abused him on more than one occassion and talked about how he was never satisfied or happy with house no matter what. so i truly dont think its a far reach to say that he would not have tolerated a "weird child." the thing that i think, though, is that all of his actions are a response to the fact that he's not particularly great at masking. he's afraid if he lets people close to him he won't be able to hide the fact that he's "weird" (aka bad). he intentionally pushes people away with his weird creepy comments and being an asshole and that's both him masking (if he's aggressively mean all the time no one will bother to look further) and a way of coping with the fact that he cant mask. the more he pushes people away the less likely it is that they'll see that he cares about things and that he's not "normal" like he's always been told. i also think that as the show went on, he got less and less concerned about masking. he constantly stims, he hyperfocuses and burns out, he panics about change, he treats his fellows a lot more like family. once he got to a point in his life where his "weirdness" is not something he can be ruined for (he's tenured and he has people who will fight for him) he found himself a lot more able to be aggressively autistic, even if he struggles with it due to trauma.

a huge Autism Moment in the show for me is when foreman quits and house fires chase. house has been afraid his whole life of showing who he actually is, as mentioned. his fellows, though, are his People, they knew all of his shit and they never ran awayy from it. they didnt question who he was and what he knew, only his methods, and they were willing to fight back against him (something he's shown he loves). but then foreman quits because he "doesnt want to be like house" and this is house's worst nightmare. this is exactly why he had normalcy beaten into him, because being weird only makes it that people will run away once they know you. he dared to let people see a bit of who he actually is and how he thinks and acts and foreman essentially said "i cant stand to be like you." on top of that fear, his team became Different. he doesnt know if chase or cameron thought the same things as foreman, if they were also judging him or hating him for being autistic. it sent him into fucking panic mode because how is he supposed to trust them when he doesnt know if they agree with foreman!!!!! and even if he could, the team is Different and its for a reason he cant control and he cant just go back to normal. his method of interviewing his new fellows also shows this - how is he supposed to be able to tell if someone will be okay with who he is and if they'll work well together based off a short intervew where he's almost certainly masking the whole time???? anyway. to end this absolutely unhinged post ive put together an inconclusive list of autistic traits and actions from house, and i want to say that so much of this is him being written off as an antisocial eccentric genius and, while he is an ass that cant be debated, it clearly runs deeper than that!!!!

he doesnt understand how ppl feel (he repeatedly talks about how small talk is like a guessing game for him and he doesnt know what to say)

he doesnt like to be touched (for a lot of the show people just do Not touch him, wilson excluded)

he stims constantly and he needs Sensations

he's blunt, rude, somewhat monotone, etc

he has a hard time making friends

he has a hard time saying what he feels (he'd rather joke or be mean than analyse his emotions)

he has a routine that he Sticks To (even thgh its not exactly the same because of patients etc, he goes to work late, he talks to the same people, he sits in his same office. he's shown coming to work sick at one point and he doesnt rly go on vacation. plus when cuddy took his bloodstained carpet it was such a fundamental change to his life that he couldnt deal)

he notices Everything (yes ik this is a sherlock holmes thing but consider sherlock holmes - also autistic)

he has a method and train of thought that works for him and he is unwilling to break from it (he's shown at least once stopping the fellows from writing on his whiteboard, and after he loses the og three he continues trying to hold ddx's because its how he Thinks)

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/07/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Samba Schutte; Dominic Burgess; Lindsey Cantrell; Rhys Darby; Fan Spotlight; Never Left Podcast; Cast Cards; AdoptOurCrew; SaveOFMD Crew; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

I figure we could all use some normalcy tonight so I'm going to treat tonight like every other night and bring some news in-- Love Notes are where to go for commentary/love tonight lovelies.

== David Jenkins ==

All the photos from his Instagram Post Are listed here on Tumblr

Instagram Source

== Samba Schutte ==

Good news! Samba ISNT GONNA STOP POSTING BTS!

Samba BTS Videos

OFMD 2 Set Shoutout #2 Video Part 1

OFMD 2 Set Shoutout #2 Video Part 2

OFMD 2 Set Shoutout #2 Video Part 3

OFMD 2 Set Shoutout #2 Video Part 4

OFMD 2 Set Shoutout #2 Video Part 5

Rhys Wink Video - @kiwistede ty

#Crew4Life video

== Dominic Burgess ==

Being the upstanding gentleman that he is, Dominic is still out here supporting us.

== Lindsey Cantrell ==

Getting love from Lindsey regarding our loss. Ty so much hon.

== Rhys Darby ==

Look whose cameo is back 👀

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Never Left Podcast ==

The Never Left Podcast has decided to throw hands and I fucking love it. Balls for days. Never Left Podcast - A Message for David Zaslav and Casey Bloys

Art by: AmysBirdHouse

= Cast Cards =

Even with the bad news, our lovely @melvisik is still at it! More cast members to collect! Love it!

== Watch Party Reminders ==

March 8th - Next Goal Wins!

When:  8 pm GMT / 3 pm EST / 12 pm PST

Thank you @lamentus1 for the info! Now available to buy in the UK: £11.99 @ Apple (https://tinyurl.com/mr3p6bvm) and £9.99 or £11.99 @ Amazon https://tinyurl.com/2fwdmezz. 

(US fans can watch on Hulu, and Disney Plus)

Watch Party Hashtags:

#SaveOFMD

#OurFlagWins

Mar 4 - Mar 8: Wrecked Season 1

Don't have access? DM @iamadequate1 on Twitter or Tumblr

Season 1 watch from March 4th to March 8th. 

Times will be 10pm GMT / 5pm EST / 4pm CST / 2pm PST. 

Saturday there will be a re-watch for those who need to catch up (time TBD) .

Hashtags: 

#WreckedPirates

#SaveOFMD

#RhysDarbyFaction

== Adopt Our Crew ==

A message from our dear friends at @adoptourcrew

== Save OFMD Crew ==

Our good friends over at @saveofmdcrewmates also had a message for us.

== Love Notes ==

Hey there lovelies. Boy. What a day it's been, huh?

Never thought the clowning/honking would stop. I have to say, I'm glad at least that David saw all our commentary about "if he thought there was no hope he'd say something" and did in fact say something.

It's a bit of a hard pill to swallow, I know. We're all going through the various stages of grief right now. Some of us are already progressing on at a quick rate, others are still at the beginning.

I know I've said some of this across the platforms so I apologize if you've heard it already, but I think it's important to hear.

YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY COULD.

Whether it was only signing the petition, or tweeting every day for a week, or just supporting your crewmates. Every little bit to every large bit you did--

You did EVERYTHING you could.

None of this is your fault. None of this is David or the Cast's fault, and certainly none of it is the fans fault. You did everything you could, and even if it feels like it it was all for nothing, it meant so very very much.

Every Cast and Crew member got to see how much they meant to you. Smaller cast members like our friends Wendy Anderson, and Damien Gerard, and Dominic Burgess have all gotten to feel so much love from us. They've come in and participated with us in our various fuckeries, and we've gotten to know them better because of it!

Every single streaming service we targeted got to see just how much queer media means to us. So many new fans got to join us on this journey because we were loud, polite menaces, and we made a safe space for them to join us. Not just streaming services and new fans, but products, and groups too! Fucking Astroglide did watch parties with us, squishables got involved! Q+ and Pink News!

News Media ALL OVER THE DAMN PLANET looked at us and commiserated and shared their distaste for our loss.

ALL OF THAT MATTERS.

If ONE streaming service picks up a true queer show (not just queer bait) because they saw our engagement, it was worth every single tear lost.

If ONE queer kid, years from now, gets a show where they feel represented because we fought for our silly little pirate show, it was worth EVERY SINGLE EFFORT.

IF ONE of your crew-mates felt included and decided to stick around on this planet a little longer because of it, IT WAS WORTH IT.

IT MATTERS.

It already matters so much, to all of us. I get to spend every day, feeling hope in humanity because of this fandom. Every single day I come online and I see just how creative, and kind, and accepting you all are, and it gives me so much hope for the future. I feel loved again, for me, not who I pretend to be in my day to day life.

We raised money for SO MANY charities. We made LITERAL differences in people's lives. People we don't know, and who don't know us. Do you know how incredibly powerful that is?

Do you know just how much those tiny ripples cascade over this entire earth? Kindness is one of the most powerful driving forces in this world. It is not quantifiable in any way, and yet it makes such an impact.

We have some of the most amazingly talented, and resourceful, and brilliant people on the planet in this crew. That's all of you. You are absolute treasures, every single one of you.

And you know what? You didn't fucking deserve this.

You deserved your show back. You fought hard for it, and you are allowed to be angry about it. You are allowed to cry, or scream, or lie on the floor and not get up for a while. You are allowed to grieve.

Some of you haven't got there yet. Some of you are still fighting the good fight, or trying to support others, and just know lovelies, we will all be there when you struggle too.

I've said it before, but grief isn't linear, it comes in waves, and no matter how each of us proceeds tomorrow, it's going to continue to take time to heal from.

Whatever YOU NEED to cope, do it.

Do you wanna "Fuck it we ball" and keep fighting? Fucking do it.

Do you wanna go cry in a corner and take a week off? Fucking do it.

Do you wanna go hug a fellow crew-mate and tell them a goofy ass joke so they laugh? Fucking do it.

Do you wanna go read fanfiction til you pass out? Make sure to drink some water, but go fucking do it.

Do you wanna draw, or sing, or write something that gets some of this awful energy out? Well? You guessed it--Go fucking do it.

BUT a gentle reminder lovelies:

Don't go hurt anyone, they don't deserve it.

Don't hurt yourself, YOU don't deserve it.

We've got discords, and tumblr, and twitter, and dm's galore. If you need support, reach out. I know so many of your crew are reaching out to each other to send love and support, and dole out all the hugs.

Lean on each other.

We are in this together.

We still have each other, and we will continue to.

This is not the end for OFMD. Whether it gets renewed in 10 years, or gets a movie, or graphic novels, or some other medium. This is not the end. It's certainly not the end of any of the cast & crew's careers. We will have so much to support them in going forward.

This fandom, these friends, don't end with this.

Keep making your fanfiction-- write and draw your own s3! Share it! Take this wonderful piece of queer art and joy that means so much to us and keep extending its infinite universes. Write meta and discuss and laugh and cry about it. We have lost the potential for s3, but we haven't lost what we already have, which is a glorious piece of media.

We have the cast & crew who continue to support and send love, and share our artwork and stories.

We have each other.

Now I'm gonna go mama bear on you and ask you to consider some things:

Have you had any water lately? Have you had anything to eat? Have you slept? Have you gone to the bathroom lately? Have you been outside, even for a moment?

Then finally, going with one last thing. This song helped me a lot today. Maybe it'll give you some love today too.

Just Begun by WILD

Not your vibe? Are you angry? @celluloidbroomcloset reminded me of this gem today:

This isn't the end crew.

This fandom is our home. We've just begun.

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

I realize the vibe might be off for these gifs but you deserve dopamine inducing gifs, you can fight me about it later.

Rhys gif: @ofmd-ann / Taika Gif: @dallonismysavior

[andreafmn]

12 Days of Ficmas ❅ Day 4

Word Count: 1.6K Paring:  Lip Gallagher x Fem!Reader Prompt @a-cure-for-writers-block:  mothering their S/Os younger siblings and making sure they're getting enough to eat

Summary:  Lip Gallagher has had a hell of a year, and most of the time he doesn't think he deserve the mercy he's been shown. But (Y/N) will stop at nothing to make sure he and his family know they are taken care of. And he knows it.

A/N: a bit late, but still published. Also, this is very short and sweet and does not follow the canon after season 5. Kind of went off path to give Lip a bit of a quicker redemption. Hope y'all enjoy!

<- Previous | Next ->

“Yo, Lip,” Ian’s sleepy voice rang through his brother’s phone. “Uh, your girlfriend is over here, and I think she’s gone crazy.” 

“What you mean?” Lip chuckled as he rubbed his hands together to warm them up. “‘Cause that’s a lot coming from you.” 

“Very funny,” he laughed sarcastically. “No, but she made Christmas puke on the house, and she’s been cooking nonstop since this morning. She hounded us all morning until we ate breakfast and wouldn’t stop until we sat down at the table.” ” 

Lip couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face as he pictured his girlfriend with her face dirtied by food, her hair tied back and away from her face, and her voice carrying around the house as she made sure everyone had eaten. It was one of the things he loved about her and one of the reasons he was glad she had come into his life. “Look, I’ll be home soon,” he chuckled. “Can you just make sure she actually eats? I know she’s gonna forget.” 

“Fine,” Ian groaned. “Just hurry up.” 

(Y/N) had come into Lip’s life at a moment when he was sure his life would have gone down the rails. She has become his sense of normalcy in his less-than-normal life. He had needed something to ground him back to earth, and that was exactly what she had done. After being so close to rock bottom he could taste the soil on the ground, she had been the only one that had been able to bring him back to his feet.  

As he got off the L, he wondered what she could have ever seen in him. She was smart and beautiful and a complete juxtaposition to the man he was. She was sunshine where he was rain, she was happiness where he was gloom, she was future while he was stuck in the past. And she was everything he never thought he needed. 

The moment he reached the house, he could hear the chatter from his family and the smell of (Y/N)’s cooking. Inside, Liam, Carl, and Ian were hypnotized by the TV while (Y/N) and Debbie talked away in the kitchen. 

Ian had not lied. The Gallagher house had been decorated like it had never been before. From garlands to stockings above the fireplace, to a massive Christmas tree in front of the stairs, it was a scene that had never lived inside that house. “Yo, you weren’t kidding, huh?” Lip chuckled as he shook off his jacket. “Didn’t think we’d ever have these many decorations.” 

“And presents,” Carl grinned. “Check under the tree.” 

Just like his younger brother had pointed, under the pine rested a couple of boxes wrapped in kraft paper. Each of them had every one of the Gallagher’s names written on them and a glittering red bow around them. It truly was more than Lip could have ever expected.  

“Ian, did she eat something?” 

“Yeah,” he said. “She’s also been pecking at everything she’s doing.”

“Alright, thanks.”

Taking the scenery in, Lip walked into the kitchen to find (Y/N) wearing a dirty apron and plates balanced on her arms. 

“You’re home,” she smiled, kissing his cheek as she walked past him to give the three boys each a plate. “Good. There’s a plate for you in the microwave. I made some turkey sandwiches for lunch. Light enough to not fill you guys up for dinner but strong enough to tide you over until then.” 

“Thanks, (Y/N),” the boys chorused before digging into their sandwiches and focusing back on the TV. 

“This is so good, (Y/N),” Debbie exclaimed from the breakfast table. “I don’t know how you’re not studying to be a chef.” 

“I cook for fun, not for work,” the young woman smiled. “That’s what engineering school is for.” 

“I’m just saying,” she shrugged. “If the genius stuff doesn’t work out, you could definitely be a chef.” 

“Thank you, Debs,” (Y/N) responded. “And speaking of school, how was your last final, babe? I know this semester has been a bit hard.”

Understatement of the century, Lip had thought. He couldn’t understand how he had not been expelled after everything he had done the year before. He had been so close to losing it all. Had it not been for (Y/N) stopping him before he smashed Youens car and speaking up on his behalf at the disciplinary meeting, he was sure he would have gotten a worse punishment than a semester suspension. She had been the saving grace he didn’t know he needed, and she was the reason he understood he needed help. 

Lip had inherited more than a hard life from his parents, he’d fallen victim to their addictive genetics and gone off the deep end with a bottle of liquor in hand. But somehow, she had been there to pull him up while he was down and walk beside him as he got back onto the right path. She stayed with him as he rebuilt himself into the man people believed he was. 

“I think it went pretty well,” he said before taking a bite of his sandwich. “Won’t know until after the break, but if midterms were anything to go by, I did good.” 

“That’s good. I’m pretty sure you did very well,” she smiled as she sat beside him, placing a hand on his and a coffee cup in front of his plate. “And I know you’re tired, but I’m gonna need you to help me prep the table for dinner tonight. Kev, V, and the girls are coming over. Fiona can’t make it, but she’ll try for actual Christmas Day or New Year's.” 

“You’ve got everything planned out already, don’t you?” Lip chuckled. “Not that I am surprised in any way, shape or form.” 

“I would have told you earlier, but I wanted you to focus on your exams,” she said before turning to the boys in the living room. “Hey, guys! Remember to wash your dishes when you’re done! I’m gonna need them for tonight.” 

“Yes, (Y/N),” they chorused back. 

“You got them very well trained,” Debbie laughed. “Where have you been all our lives?” 

“Just on the other side of town,” the girl smiled. “Now hurry and finish eating. We’ve got work to do.” 

After everyone finished their lunch and the how was suddenly dispersed of children, (Y/N) and Lip set off to work. While she waltzed around the kitchen, he rearranged the formal dining area to fit all the guests. As he walked around the house, the young man wanted to laugh. He remembered a time when that type of domesticity would have sent him running, searching for the easiest way to drown his fears of commitment and stability. But there he was, setting tables for a dinner party that his girlfriend had cooked, and he didn’t feel the jittery need to escape. He didn’t feel the anxious desire to feel alcohol burn its way down his throat and fill him with a mirage of confidence. He wanted to stay. 

“Hey,” he whispered after he had finished his task, snaking his arms around her waist and kissing her cheeks. “Thanks for doing this.” 

“Of course,” she smiled, leaning into the comfort and warmth of his touch. “Do you think there’s enough food I don’t know if I should set out some snacks for the kids while the turkey is finished. Maybe dinner is too late for Jemma and Amy. I should set some snacks out.” 

“(Y/N), baby,” he chuckled. Lip flipped her around, kissing her lips softly to stop her rambling. “There’s enough food, and they should be starving by dinner. You worked hard enough on all these dishes, they need to be eaten.” 

“And they will, but…” 

“You really enjoy mommying them, don’t you?” Lip grinned lovingly. “You know they’re not kids anymore –other than Liam. The other ones are all teenagers, they know how to get food when they’re hungry.” 

“I know that. But I just wanna make sure they know there’s someone here that cares about them other than you now that Fiona’s gone,” she admitted, her eyes falling onto the hands she pressed to his chest. “And I want them to like me, Lip. I’m in it for the long run, babe.” 

“If there’s one thing I can assure you, it’s that the Gallagher family loves you,” he smiled. His hand caressed her cheek softly, and it surprised him that only a year before, his knuckles would have been ripped and bloodied. But not with her. Never with her. “And if you keep cooking like this for them, they’ll make sure you’re here forever.” 

“And what about you? Would you want me to stay forever?” 

Lip couldn’t help the smile that spread across his mouth. As he stared into her eyes, it took everything inside him not to spoil the plans he had for Christmas morning. He wanted to give her all the reassurance she could need with the ring he had hidden deep in his underwear drawer. But when he had a plan, it was hard to divert from it. “How could I want anything else?” he grinned. “Now, why don’t we finish up here so we can have a little treat before dinner ourselves?” 

“Philip Gallagher,” she exclaimed at his advance, slapping his chest playfully. “I have too much work to do to be thinking about that.” 

“Come on, I’ve only been thinking about this all day,” he groaned. “It’s the only thing that got me through that test.” 

“Then you can wait a bit more,” she laughed. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while, baby. All good things come to those who wait.” 

And, at that moment, she had no idea how much truth there was in that statement. 

Next ->

My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing If you’d like to be tagged in every 12DoF work, any fandom or story: click here Make sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post!

Taglist: @adaydreamaway08 @beckiej0073-blog @fandomonetwo @thecollectorofwords-blog @yuki254 @sleepilysworld @laylasbunbunny @aonungsfreak @coquita @mzmarvel22 @euphoria1992-blog @laury-blackbeak @unstablekay @fresita1218 @buckywenal @shadowwolfqueen-blog @arcaurix @final-girl96 @cheshirecat484 @bloobewy @pinkrockstar19

[wheredafandomat]

Based on this ask that I accidentally lost 😭

@lulubelle814 I hope you enjoy it!!

Meant to be

Loki x female reader

18+ | TW: Infertility and problems associated with that including miscarriage, smut, use of drugs, alcohol

❤️❤️❤️❤️

“Loki, Loki” you shake him awake trying to stop the trembling as your vision blurred “wake up, I need-I need to go to a hospital” you stuttered, Loki’s eyes flying open as he heard you.

“Y/n?” He questioned, cupping your face as he searched your expression in the dark room “what’s the matter?” He began, eyes widening as he noticed the crimson soaking into the sheets.

“I feel faint and I’m not due on” you tried to rationalise, not wanting to alarm Loki and trying to calm yourself down too.

“I’ll drive” he quickly stood up, flinging the duvet off of himself.

Loki helped you into the car before you both rushed to the hospital. You had been feeling abdominal pain for the past couple of days and you felt incredibly ill but you put it down to stress. Only now as Loki held your hand, frantically driving that you realised this was actually a lot more serious. When you made it to the hosptial, you were seen quickly.

“I wish I had known” you sniffled “if only I had known, I could have pretended, just for a while that we—we were going to be parents” you continued to cry as Loki rubbed soothing circles on your back, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I was a mother Loki and now—now I—” you sobbed, wanting the day to end as Loki bit back his own mournful tears. And just like that, another getaway, another attempt at normalcy.

It had been just over a month since you were at the hospital and already, you and Loki had spent all your weekends abroad, trying to have sex in as many different European countries as you could. Each country offered its own culture, its own fond memories and its own way of spicing up your sex life whether that was with aphrodisiacs or guided meditations. This weekend, you found yourselves in Amsterdam, a hotel overlooking a nearby canal as you each held a mushroom in your hand. It was on your way to get food that you stopped at a shop and picked the mushrooms up after an elderly lady working in the shop said that the mushrooms cured all that ails you. Turning towards each other, you smiled before eating them.

“When do they kick in?” Loki asked, wriggling his fingers as he held his hand in front of his face.

“Considering the fact that you’ve been staring at your hand for the past ten minutes, I think they already have” you answered, looking at him.

“Oh” he voiced, looking up at you “do they work?”

“Is your hair getting longer?” You questioned, squinting as you looked at Loki.

“Is yours getting shorter?” He replied, pointing at your hair before you stood up, making your way to the mirror.

“Oh my god!” You shrieked, Loki following behind you as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

“Norns!” Loki gasped, his hair long as he took in his appearance.

“Is this—do I have stubble?” You panicked, touching your face only it didn’t seem like your face. “Oh my god!” You yelped again as you felt an unfamiliar weight between your legs. Running your hand down your body, you almost passed out as you realised “I—I’m a man! Look Loki, look, I’ve got a—” you began to laugh, pulling your trousers down.

“Y/n, I fear I may have lost my—” Loki began before you interrupted, thrusting your hips.

“It’s so heavy” you chuckled.

“What on Midgard did we take?” Loki asked, his voice high.

“Who cares, the effects will probably wear off as the mushrooms do” you shrugged.

“Sooo, are you saying we should enjoy them whilst they last?” Loki grinned.

“Yes, besides, you do look irresistible as a woman. Very sexy” you purred, causing Loki to smile. “Your hair, your skin, I’m going to enjoy this” you smirked, your hand moving between Loki’s legs.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Loki giggled, seemingly uncomfortable by how much you were enjoying this more feminine version of himself.

“No” you answered with the same giggle.

Both sated, a thin sheen of sweat clinging to your bodies as well as the aroma of sex lingering around the room, you rested your head against Loki’s chest as you took a deep breath.

“Thank you for this Loki” you murmured, kissing his chest.

“For what?” He queried.

“Taking us away, making me feel better, I’ve enjoyed it” you smiled. Sitting up a little, Loki kissed the top of your head before noting your hair growing again.

“Your hair” he pointed as you sat up, touching it.

“Oh yeah” you grinned before pulling the sheet that was covering Loki’s lower half away. “Oh how I’ve missed you!” You exclaimed, looking down at all eight inches of him.

“Could’ve fooled me” Loki joked.

“You think you’re funny?” You teased, straddling him.

“No thought, simply fact” Loki retorted.

“Mm?” You hummed questioningly as you guided his thick cock inside of you.

“Mhmm” Loki nodded in response as you lowered yourself onto him, eyes closing as he filled you to the hilt.

“Fuckk Loki” you moaned, rocking your hips forwards and backwards as his hands found purchase on your breasts.

“Just like that” Loki groaned as you clenched your walls around him “you feel so good.”

“Ughh Lokii” you whimpered, grounding your hips down against him as his cock throbbed inside of you.

“Keep doing that baby, fuckk” Loki pleaded as you circled your hips. “Feels too good” he almost mewled, rolling you over and switching your positions so that you were against the bed before he fucked into you with ardour, hitting that perfect spot as you thrashed against the bed, his pelvis rubbing against your clit.

“Loki” you almost screamed, the headboard banging against the wall as he pounded you.

“D’you want my cum? Tell me you want it” Loki growled, still thrusting hard into you.

“I need it Loki, fuckk” you moaned loudly.

“Want me to cum inside this pretty pussy?”

“Pleaseee” you near begged.

“Tell me to cum” Loki implored as your legs began to shake.

“C—fuckk—cum with me Lokiii” you exclaimed before Loki came, shooting his load inside of you as your climax shook you.

Collapsing down next to you, Loki kissed your shoulder.

“What time does the bar close?” You broke the silence.

“Not until 2AM, why?” Loki answered as you smiled at him.

“I THOUGHT THAT I HEARD YOU LAUGHING, I THOUGHT THAT I HEARD YOU SINGGG” you sang, on stage with an actual microphone after spending the past hour at the bar with Loki.

“I THINK I THOUGHT I SAW YOU TRY” Loki sang with you, his own microphone in hand.

“BUT THAT WAS JUST A DREAM” you both sang together as the audience you had accumulated cheered you both on.

“We’re really good Loki” you spoke to him.

“So so good, the best” he agreed, turning to kiss you as the cheers grew louder.

“I love you” you spoke against his lips, hands roaming one another’s bodies as the kiss deepened.

“Alright alright, that’s enough” you were both escorted off of the stage.

“Pool?” You asked once your microphones were taken off of you and losing my religion stopped playing.

“Pool” Loki nodded.

Running towards it, you were thankful that it was empty once you arrived. You began taking your clothes off before jumping into the water, Loki not far behind you in his boxers as you kissed, the water pooling around your waist.

“I love you so much, do you know that?” Loki asked, looking into your eyes as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“You, Loki Laufeyson, are the love of my life” you smiled against his lips as you kissed him “now, do you want to take some more mushrooms and try on my dresses?”

“Yes,” Loki nodded.

“Great” you kissed him again.

The warm glow of the sunlight streaming into the room is what stirred you from your slumber. Stretching, you opened your eyes to find yourself in Loki’s arms. The feeling of you moving woke Loki.

“What happened yesterday?” You asked groggily.

“Why am I wearing a dress?” Loki spoke, looking down at his attire.

“And you’ve got lipstick on” you pointed out, looking at him.

“Well at least it’s yours” he smiled.

“How do you know it’s—” you began before Loki wiped some off of your lips. “Loki, are you wearing mascara?”

“Maybe” he shrugged.

“What a crazy weekend” you sighed.

“Indeed” he agreed and that was the end of that weekend. You both checked out of the hotel, flew home and continued your lives. The weeks turning into months.

Despite never admitting it to anyone, your favorite pastime was going to the park and reading a book with the sound of children in the background. It comforted you. It let you pretend that you were a mother, just for a moment, taking your child to the park. You’d get lost in the sound.

“Which one is yours?”

Looking up from your book, you turned to the elderly lady that sat down next to you. You felt a little embarrassed.

“Oh I don’t have a child” you tried to say nonchalantly.

“Yet” she smiled at you.

“No I-I can’t” you paused, falling silent as the lady looked you up and down.

“I wouldn’t be so sure dear” she smiled almost knowingly at you, a smile that sent shivers down your spine. Gathering your things, you left the park and headed home.

When you arrived home, you were greeted by Loki who was cooking. He kissed you on the cheek as you entered the kitchen and made your way to the fridge before getting the ingredients for a sandwich out.

“What are you doing? You’ll spoil your appetite” Loki tried to deter you.

“I’m starving” you excused.

“Wait for dinner then”

“Sorry mum” you laughed as Loki put the bread away. “Is that my apron?”

“My one is currently in the washing machine” he answered, wrapping his arms around the apron defensively.

“Okay” you continued to laugh.

After dinner, you still couldn’t get the encounter you had with the lady earlier on out of your head. You thought about it as you ate, as you showered, as you brushed your teeth and as you got into bed. You even thought about it as Loki’s lips traveled across your chest and down your body. You couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“I spoke to a lady today, she said some strange things” you finally let out.

“Like?” Loki prompted you to continue as his kisses met the hem of your panties before he began tugging them down.

“That she wouldn’t be so sure that I can’t have children” you admitted.

“Y/n” Loki began sadly.

“No I know I can't, it's just she said it with so much conviction” you explained as Loki’s expression turned into one of pity “anyways it’s not important, will you continue” you tried to dismiss. It didn’t take long for you to cum before falling asleep, Loki’s head still between your thighs.

“Y/n? Y/n?” He called to no avail.

The following morning, it was nausea that woke you up as you jumped out of bed and sprinted towards the bathroom and rid yourself of yesterday's dinner.

“Y/n?” Loki knocked the door as you flushed the toilet.

“NO! Don’t come inside. I’m hideous and vomity and—” you listed as Loki opened the door.

“Y/n” Loki smiled, cupping your cheeks “you’re beau” he started before retching and throwing up too.

“Have we got food poisoning?”

“Impossible” he insisted.

“Maybe it’s just a bug then”

“We should rest” Loki suggested.

“I actually feel quite alright now” you countered, standing up.

“Strangely so do I, but I’d never say no to a lazy day with you” he grinned.

“I would kiss you but we should probably brush our teeth first” you giggled.

The following month, you and Loki were invited to a gala. You had picked out a dress to wear a few weeks ago only now, it wouldn’t zip up. Noticing your struggle, Loki came up behind you and began pulling the zip up before he too was met with resistance.

“I think I’m gaining weight Loki” you sighed as you slumped down.

“I’ve been thinking the same” he answered, causing you to gasp as you straighten yourself out again “about me!” He quickly added “I’ve been gaining weight too.”

“It’s all the carbs Loki, we can’t keep having pasta dishes”

“Apart from tonight, I’ve made your favorite, carbonara for when we get back” Loki smiled.

“Can I have some now, I’m feeling a little peckish?” You asked before Loki led you both to the kitchen. Digging your fork into your plate, you ate a little before rushing to the bathroom to puke which is something you had been doing a lot recently.

“What if something is seriously wrong?” You asked, swishing listerine around your mouth.

“We’ll book you an appointment with a doctor in the morning, okay darling” Loki suggested, you nodding in response.

A few days later, you and Loki found yourselves back in the doctor's office as she looked through her notes before looking up at you both as you sipped your water, your nerves consuming you.

“Well good news, you’re fine and so is the baby.”

Spitting out your water, you told her to repeat herself which she did.

“You’re pregnant” she informed you.

“I—no-I can’t be” you stuttered, Loki holding your hand.

“Yes, almost four months now but we can scan you—”

“MONTHS!” You exclaimed.

“Yes”

“I mean, are you sure?” Loki finally spoke.

“Positive. Haven’t you noticed any changes to your cycle or any symptoms?” The doctor asked.

“I thought I was just going through the change” you whisper shouted.

“Y/n, this is amazing!” Loki cheered, kissing you. “We’re going to be parents” he spoke against your lips.

“I-I’m going to be a mother” you began to cry.

“I’ll give you both some time” the doctor spoke before leaving.

“Loki, how did this—when did this?”

“If you’re four months now, this must’ve happened almost five months ago” he figured.

“What did we do five months ago?” You questioned.

“We were on holiday, that’s when I woke up in the dress” he remembered.

“Yesss, we must’ve been pretty wasted because I can barely remember it.”

“That’s when we conceived,” Loki smiled fondly.

“That explains all the vomiting and the hunger, not your vomiting though Loki” you narrowed your gaze.

“Who cares, this is a joyous occasion” Loki kissed you again before the doctor walked in and scanned you.

“Hello baby” you smiled at the screen, tears in your eyes. “I want to call it Hope, Hope Laufeyson”

From then on, Loki had been very careful with you and extremely accommodating to the point where whenever you’d touch your stomach, he’d do the same, whenever your ankles would swell, so would his and whenever you’d vomit, he’d vomit too. He was taking sympathy pains to a whole new level.

“Loki”

“Yes love”

“I think we’re spending too much time together” you answered quietly.

“As if that’s a thing” he laughed off.

“No seriously, we’re doing the same things”

“Many couples find themselves—”

“I’m pregnant Loki”

“Right”

“So we shouldn’t be acting the same way,” you explained.

“No we shouldn't,” he agreed.

“Loki!” You gasped, worrying him “come here” you called “I just felt a kick.”

Placing a hand on your stomach, Loki waited for another one before doubling over himself.

“Well this certainly shouldn’t be happening” he spoke.

“What?”

“It puts a whole new spin on sympathy pains” he continued.

“What?”

“I think—I think I just felt a kick too.”

“Impossible Loki, you have to actually be pregnant to—AHHHH!” You screamed.

“Whatt?” Loki yelped.

“I think I just saw the kick” you pointed to him.

“You don’t think I’m” Loki paused, stepping in front of a mirror and looking at his stomach.

“You can’t be, it’s not possible, is it?”

“What did we do on that weekend?” He worried.

“Well the best thing you can do is go to the doctors and get a scan just to check” you suggested.

“But I—I’m a-a man”

“Well, find a way of changing that”

“Like we did that weekend!” Loki gasped, remembering.

“What?”

“Don’t you remember? We took something and it altered our genders. That’s when I must’ve conceived” he figured.

“I got you pregnant?”

“We need to wait for a scan but it appears so” he agreed.

Using a lot of his Seiðr, Loki managed to switch sexes again, transforming into who you liked to call Lady Loki.

“You should really do this more often, I like it”

“Look at the mess it’s gotten us into already” Loki answered before you both headed to the clinic.

“Good news, you’re pregnant” the doctor smiled, looking at you both.

“Can we have a moment please” you asked.

“Sure”

“Loki, how is this even going to work?” You began to panic.

“I’ll have to stay like this until after the pregnancy” she decided.

“We’ve gone from no children to two” you breathed.

“Isn’t it magnificent?” Loki beamed.

“Yeah?” You questioned.

“Yes! A miracle” she clapped.

“You’re right. You’re right!” You smiled, kissing her “we're going to be parents!”

“The best!” Loki agreed.

Four months later, Loki gave birth to a boy and you a girl. After watching you breastfeed for the first time, Loki changed back into a male and insisted on just being a dad. You really were the best parents.

“You know, we could go on another holiday soon considering the children are growing up” Loki suggested a few years later.

“No!”

I’m so happy for them 🥺

Tags:

@lokisgoodgirl @thenotoriouserg @chantsdemarins @donaweasley @xorpsbane @mcufan72 @loz-3 @evelyn-kingsley @sailorholly @lovingchoices14 @lokiedokiee @noideakitten @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @lokiprompts @lulubelle814 @fictive-sl0th @peaches1958 @gigglingtiggerv2 @tmilover1993 @lyds247 @dustychinchilla74 @lokis-dark-queen @november-rayne @12-pm-510 @vickie5546 @newtomofgods @eyesbluelikethetitanic @lokiestorch @somewhereinthegalaxi @beautyb1ade @angelilacsworld @lokidokieokie @mushypork @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @silver-tongue-taken-to-bed

[shortbcofkoffee]

Somewhere That's Green

Word Count: 912 | CW: Implied Child Abuse, Burns

Harley Quinn & Joker Jr | Joker/Harley Quinn

Ao3 Link

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Summary:

“Mama?” Junior tapped her knee, bringing her back to reality. Harley startled a little, earning a giggle from her little guy. “You just keep being a good boy, JJ.” She ran a thumb over his cheek. “I will, mama.” Harley kissed him on the forehead. “Let’s go play with Bud and Lou, okay?”

-or-

Harley just wants to have a sense of normalcy

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Harley, get him down,” Joker waved as he walked out of the room.

Harely perked up from her chair. “Alright, puddin’! Have a good rest!”

She hopped up and bounced over to the table JJ was restrained to. He was slumped, panting, and giggling through his breaths. Harley pouted at him and pressed the button to lower the table until it was even with the ground. She unsealed the metal restrains revealing the fresh burns under there.

She tsked. “Aw, JJ, sweetie.” She pulled her son up into a hug. “You are so good at making your daddy mad.”

JJ weakly hugged back. “M’ sorry, mama,” he giggled.

“You betta be. You’re such a good kid most of the time, these slip-ups are so sad.” She pulled away and held his tear-stained cheeks in her palms. His smile and eyes were wide, his face was pale. He was adorable. “Oh, I can’t stay mad at you, Sonny! You look just like your daddy, it’s too cute!”

She tugged at his cheeks. “I can see it now, my two boys runnin’ around, fightin’ the bat together, aw! It’s too damn sweet!” She hugged his head to her chest, swinging him around a little.

“Me and Daddy?” He asked excitedly. 

Harley nodded. “You just gotta stop actin’ up so much.” She looked at JJ’s wrist. A burn wrapped around it where the restraint had dug into his skin. It was nasty, his skin was peeling and red. There was a small twist in her stomach. “JJ, baby? Can mommy tell you a secret?”

Junior nodded.

“And you can’t tell Daddy, not yet.”

Junior’s eyes widened more than they already were. “Keep a secret from Daddy?”

Harley pursed her lips. “Yeah.. Just think of it as a surprise, we can’t tell him quite yet.”

Junior perked up. “Yeah! I love surprises!”

Harley tussled JJ’s hair and led him to the dining table. There was aloe vera in the fridge, good for cooling burns. She grabbed bandages too. “Good boy.” She sat with him, spreading the gel over his injuries. “You know I love our little family and our little house.”

“Mm-hm!”

Harley frowned a bit. “But I kinda want a real house. Ya’ know, a yard big enough for Bud and Lou, a finished kitchen full ‘a Tupperware. I want Mr. Jay to come home and hang up his coat, and I’d kiss ‘im on the cheek and ask about work. I could help you with homework and make you dinner. I’d wear poodle skirts, I’d curl my hair… Doesn’t that sound nice?”

JJ’s head tilted, he stared at her for a moment. “That doesn’t sound very funny.”

Harley chuckled. “You’re right, it’s not. But a girl can dream.” She finished wrapping her son's wounds in bandages and smiled at him. He couldn’t stop smiling, Harley knew how much that started to hurt. “But I guess it’s not necessary. I got all I could want here!” 

She gestured around the room at the fake house. Joker did this for her, the model house, keeping JJ. She knew part of this was just for Batman, but the parts that were for her gave her a little hope. Maybe after this, they could really settle down. Just Mr. and Mrs. Joker and their son Junior. Just a normal family from the suburbs. Not fighting, no pain, just love and laughter. Somewhere that’s green. She could have all of that, she was so close if any of this was proof. All she needed now was to stay on his good side, he was easier to convince when he was in a good mood.

Junior had told them about Bruce Wayne, and oh, was Harley jealous. Bruce Wayne got a break from being Batman; he got to have fun with his kids, at least until the Joker got to them. Being Harley Quinn was a full-time job; there were no breaks. She never got to keep friends, she couldn’t have family. She was happy The Bat decided to donate Junior, he really was the best thing to ever happen to her. It was her first taste of family in a long time, and she wouldn’t change anything. Her family felt almost complete. 

She could picture it now, mid-day on a Saturday, she’s cleaning the kitchen. She looked out the window and Joker was mowing the lawn. Junior sat in the TV room, Lou’s head on his lap while he leaned on Bud’s side. He fell asleep there after playing outside and she didn’t have it in her to move him. She’d wake him up for lunch though. But right now, she had to keep the kitchen clean. After church tomorrow some of the girls were coming over for book club.

“Mama?” Junior tapped her knee, bringing her back to reality.

Harley startled a little, earning a giggle from her little guy. “You just keep being a good boy, JJ.” She ran a thumb over his cheek.

“I will, mama.”

Harley kissed him on the forehead. “Let’s go play with Bud and Lou, okay?”

Junior excitedly jumped out of his chair and pulled her up by the arm. She followed his lead to where their puppies slept. When she looked at him like this, he really looked happy. Bouncing and excited, just to be with his mama, just to play with the hyenas. It’d be okay for now, Harley decided. Once this Bat business was over, it’d all be okay. 

[theunbearableweightofpedropascal]

It's You

Summary: You and Benny go waaay back.

A/N: Another one. (just came back and realized I left some sentences hanging I'm so sorry😢.)

Warnings: minor DNI 18+, smut, dry humping, p in v, adorable origin story.

Word Count: 3.5k

Looking out at the endless stretches of land you're reminded of bits of your childhood, spent with your mother’s parents. You remember a massive backyard with no fence like the one at home and a tire swing that never caught a break. The stink of outside caused your grandmother to tell you to shower before you sat at her dining table. From those early memories, it was your favorite place. But the summer you turned 9 the cracks in your family were too big to ignore, unbeknownst to you.

When your parents' divorce was finalized all you thought was that you’d get two of everything but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Your mom got remarried first promising a new beginning, except eventually, that meant without you. Her husband, Liam, was lovely enough but after you refused to call him ‘dad’ the exclusion began there. You spent more and more weeks with your dad under the guise of them needing time together. 

The announcement of your mother's pregnancy shocked you but you were happy to be a big sibling. Even though you spent more time with your dad it was explained to you they needed to set up for the baby. The tension between your mother and father was thick. He hated the way she was allowing her new husband to treat you like yesterday’s trash, seeing you cry after your mother denied you for the umpteenth time left your father feeling defeated. 

He knew how much you loved going to your grandparents, despite the divorce they maintained a good relationship. So he sucked it up and called his former mother-in-law to have a heart-to-heart. His hushed whispers didn’t stop you from eavesdropping.

“I just don’t know what to do, I can’t fill in for Monica and she can’t be bothered to care,” Your dad sighs. “I need her to have some normalcy and more than me to fall back on. I just don’t think I’m enough anymore.” Your father’s hidden grieves finally aired. 

“Baby you are doing the best you can, I’m sorry it’s been this bad. I don’t know what’s gotten into Monica but she's always welcome to stay with us, you too if you ever need to.” 

“She does love it up there.” Although you only hear your father’s side excitement thrums throughout you, and only one place makes you that happy.

“Mhmm can’t keep her overactive behind in the house.” Grandma's quip summons your father's deep chuckle thinking of the time spent at his former in-laws. “So it’s settled then bring her behind up here and she’ll be alright.” 

“Thank you.” In only two words anyone could feel genuine gratitude from your father. 

……….

Your heart beats a mile a minute as you pull up to your grandparent's house, It’s been longer than usual and you weren’t sure if they still wanted you around. Noticing your hesitance your dad gives you space and goes to get the bags out of the trunk. By the time he drags the last of them to the steps he sees you standing at the door. 

“You gonna let em’ know we’re here sweet pea?” He gently urges you with raised brows.

You raise your hand to ring the doorbell, listening to the wind chimes on the porch. Then you hear a flurry of steps come to the door, and both of your grandparents answer suspiciously. Once you’re in the house you can tell they are huddled together to hide something for you.

“Me and Nana talked and we know it can get a little lonely when you’re here with us geriatrics,” your grandmother swats him with a side glance. “This is someone we found to help with that.” 

A black kitten with doll-like eyes stares back at you, gently you approach the pet and feel their fur. You get an instant response as a smile slowly blossoms across your face. “What’s their name?” 

“We thought you could take care of naming him.” Your grandmother looks fondly upon you enjoying the kitten. 

“Ok, but I need to get to know him better first.” You decide before running up the stairs to your room yelling a “Thank you,” to everyone involved. 

Hours pass as you get to know your kitten. He’s not fond of outside but he’ll stay on the porch and watch you. He prefers to roam around in the same room as you rather than cuddle, not that you mind. Even though you don’t see him all the time you know he’s there, which was oddly comforting to you. 

After spending enough time holed in your room you come downstairs to bother your grandpa while he watches sports. Except you find two teenage-looking boys sitting in the living room with him. The older one, you assume, has longer hair like the men in your grandma's ‘special’ books. He’s got blue eyes that are glued to the screen like he’s getting paid. The younger one though, is already looking at you causing heat to flood your cheeks. You back up the way you came and head to where your grandmother is. 

“Nana who are those people on the couch with Grandpa?”

“Oh those are our new neighbor’s kids, They moved in the house a mile from here and they help out in exchange for dinner.” Your Nan lets out before adding, “Where’s your kitten sweet pea?”

“Sebastien’s taking a nap” you proudly tell her.

You saddle up next to her watching as she cooks and helping cut, albeit rather slowly, but she doesn’t seem to mind. The kitchen smells better than ever which attracts the three people dedicated to watching sports in the other room. The two boys enter the room and you busy yourself stirring the pot. 

“Do you want me and Benny to set the table ma’am?” The older one addresses your Nan.

“That would be great, thank you, William. Before I forget this is my granddaughter,” she gives your name before turning back to you. “This is William Miller,” she gestures toward the older one. “And this is his younger brother Benjamin Miller.” 

You manage to look at both of them with a small smile before going back to the pot. Once the dinner table is set the five of you sit down silently to eat, just the way you like it. Though you feel the stare of one particular person, you cast a glance at Benjamin who doesn’t bother looking away. You break first finishing your food and bringing it to the kitchen, Benny is right behind you with his plate. 

“You know it’s rude to stare.” You attempt to chastise him.

“Weren’t you staring at me and my brother earlier?” He grins knowing he caught you.

“No.” You decide to lie.

“If you say so, what do you do for fun here?” Benny's been bored since Will, him, and mom moved next door.

“I have a tire swing out back and there’s a creek not too far from here.” You hope he picks the tire swing, it’s more fun if someone pushes you.

“The creek sounds fun.” He muses.

“So does the tire swing.” You counter.

“We can do the tire swing when we get back.” He assures you.

“You promise?” Your eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Pinky.” He holds up his to solidify his word.

On your way out you tell your grandmother you’re showing Benny the creek, she warns you to be careful. Throughout the walk you come to find out Benjamin isn’t as quiet as you thought. He’s very talkative rattling over so many topics it’s almost hard to keep up. You don’t mind though it’s nice being around him. 

Benny follows your lead, so much so that when you stop abruptly he doesn’t have time to stop himself before barreling through you. The muffled grunt underneath him has Benjamin moving faster than usual. As Benny helps you emerge from the ground, he helps pick out leaves stuck in your hair. The death glare you send him has him primarily focusing on the back of your hair.

“Sorry, I should’ve been watching where I was going.” You roll your eyes but accept his apology no less. Luckily your clothes didn’t get mud on them.

“It’s fine.”

You begin moving to the edge to dip your feet in. Benjamin follows your lead, this time careful of your movements. “You know there’s a bunch of pretty pebbles at the bottom?” Benny cranes his neck to try and spot what you’re talking about. You inch towards him motioning straight down past the edge. “See all the green and blue ones?” You back up to let him get a better look. 

Benjamin’s hands are planted on the edge as he peers over, what he doesn’t expect is you hip-checking him into the water. The loud and humid air that once surrounded him turned into cool still water. Once he resurfaced and found you peering down at him with a cheeky grin, he couldn’t even be mad. 

“Now can we go back to swing?” Benny heaved himself out of the water, wringing his shirt out before trudging behind you. You practically skip the whole way to the backyard, surprised to find Will sitting on the porch. Upon seeing the both of you worse for wear he muffles a laugh. To make matters worse you look like you’re the one bossing him around on the swing.

When the Miller brothers walk home that night the squelching of Benny’s clothes has Will laughing the entire way home. 

………..

At present, you and Benny are celebrating his return from deployment. Even now over a decade later Benjamin and you were glued at the hip. You watch as he pours another shot out for you, this will be the 6th one. Just like the good old days, you two are getting shit-faced by the creek.

Throughout the years of you coming to stay with your grandparents, Benny would arrive before you did. The pair of you got close enough that he told you about his parent's divorce and how he hadn’t seen his dad as much. You hugged him and reiterated the words your dad told you ‘their loss’. After you told him about your mom he was ready to storm her house and demand an answer to her absence in your life. 

Sebastien and he got along well enough, Benny was always a little too excitable for him to be around. Benny had always had good looks but as the two of you got older, you couldn’t deny your growing attraction to him. His shoulders got broader, almost always stretching whatever shirt he was wearing. But his face chiseled out with facial hair, he had no idea what an ugly phase was. His hair was gorgeous and when he told you he was gonna have to chop it off for training you thought that was it. But no, his buzzcut enhances his face and makes you look into his eyes. 

“What are you gonna do?” You peer down at him lying on his back while you sit up gazing at the water.

“You remember when I told you I wanted to do MMA?” 

“So you wanna get the shit beat out of you for a living?” You were mostly jesting but a small part of you is worried. 

“Don’t worry, I’m a real professional,” He sits up and playfully punches the air in front of him. “C’mon I bet you can’t take me.” He stands up rousing you to play fight with him. 

“How many times do I have to push you in that water before I finally shut you up?” You finally take the shot that’s been sitting in front of you, standing with a little wobble to match his stance.

Benny stands nearly a foot above you, hunching his shoulders to somewhat meet your height. He rocks back and forth trying to figure out your next move.  You keep a distance in an effort to defend against his long arms, which he tries and fails to swat at you. You charge at him full speed to knock him over into the leaves. 

His arms circle your waist trapping you with him as he falls. When his big body hits the ground with a thud you laugh and try pushing off of him. But his arms don’t loosen, instead they slide down your waist and squeeze. Your breath momentarily stalls and you look into Benny’s eyes, his pupils blown with a thin blue outer layer. The smell of his Irish Spring soap encases you. 

“Benny?” You say his name like a question hoping he’ll clue you in.

“Sugar.” He responds lowering his pupils to your lips, the sudden transition causing you to lick your lips.

Benny groans low and you feel it through your hands on his chest. Your faces almost touch but neither of you make the first move. He nudges your nose before turning his head to press his lips to yours. Despite this being your first kiss with him you wanted more. Your body pressed into his, closing what little distance you had between you. His left-hand glides up your body to grab the back of your neck, keeping you there. 

You lick his bottom lip wanting to feel everything from him. Thinking you’re dominating the kiss, you eagerly lick into his mouth. Letting out all of your unabashed moans, Benny presses your hips to his groin needing to feel friction. You decide to pull back and sit up much to Benny’s dismay, the string of spit connecting you two brings a hazy look to his eye. You bring your knees up to either side of his hips, and before he can ask why you’re back on him.

Benny doesn’t give you the upper hand this time, his warm tongue sliding back into your mouth like it’s supposed to be there. You feel a pulse in your core that only gets more incessant with Benny exploring your mouth. You begin rocking your hips against his in an attempt to relieve the thrumming, but all it does is make you more needy. The kiss deteriorates since you can’t keep up with Benny’s mouth, not when your clit is rubbing against his zipper so deliciously.

“M’sorry it feels so good.” You let out before biting your lip to quiet the sounds. 

“Show me.” Benny raises his thumb to your lip to release it. “Lemme hear you.” 

Your eyes must be pitch black looking down at Benny while you hump him like a possessive dog. Benny’s hands find their way to your hips again, squeezing and pressing his bulge against your clit. He groans as you rub yourself against him faster, he loves the look of your scrunched-up face and pouty lips. 

“You feel what you do to me?” He asks you while staring at you intensely. 

“Fuck,” His mouth is hung open, letting out the prettiest moans just for you.

Another jolt of arousal heads straight down to your core, your panties are dripping. The wet spot on Benny’s pants from you grows, you would be embarrassed but your dignity left the moment his tongue went in your mouth. With your hands on his chest, you can feel the string within you about to snap. When you feel it snap your hips stutter and your hands find purchase on his biceps. Although your mouth is open you have no idea if you’re screaming or not, your hearing temporarily goes out. 

You both stare at each other with blown pupils and puffy lips. Unsure of how to proceed both of you remain unmoved, the surrounding nature seems to follow suit. Benny sits up placing his palms behind him to nudge your nose again. 

“I love you,” He pauses slightly “And not in a platonic way, I wanna marry you. I had a lot of time to think and all I thought about was you. I was counting the days to see you cause I missed you so bad. I mean we’re already halfway there.” 

Benny’s confession leaves your heart beating so rapidly that you think he hears it too. You suppose you two are more than halfway there. The friendship you share is something intimate, not in a friendly way either more like a married couple that’s been together decades and knows the other inside out.

“Is this your way of asking me on a date?” You stare at him, waiting for an answer. 

“Only if you say yes.” His eyes never leave yours, you can feel the warmth in his gaze. 

“Okay but only if you come back and spend the night with me.” You bargain, though you know he’ll say yes.

“I’m getting too old to shimmy up that tree?” He laughs at the memories of staying up all night talking. 

“We’ll go through the front if you promise to stay fucking quiet.” You pointedly tell him before pulling back from the intimate position you were in.

Standing up you adjust your pants trying to make sure there are no visible wet spots on you. Even though there are none Benny takes off his hoodie, handing it to you without a word. The walk back is surprisingly quiet but it’s not awkward, not when Benny’s eyes keep finding their way to you. The full moon illuminates the back porch of your Grandparents' place. With all the lights off you and Benny go around to the front quietly making your way up the creaky porch steps. 

Benny’s hands slide down your sides, hooking his fingers in your belt loops. You take it one step at a time so as to not chance waking anyone up. Your shadow follows your every step with his warm breath bearing down your neck. If you weren’t as professional as you were he would’ve tripped you up. Once safely in your room the breath you were holding releases itself. Sebastien’s head pops up from where he lays on your bed, more specifically your side of the bed. 

“I’m taking a shower you coming?” Without giving him a chance to answer you begin taking off your clothes on the way to the bathroom. 

Benny wastes no time pulling off his clothes and placing them in one pile before joining you. He gets in before the water’s scorching, the feeling of your hand gripping his bicep before you slip in has him making room for you. 

“Benny it’s freezing,” You shiver while gripping his biceps harder.

“Sugar it’s 90 degrees outside why do you even want hot water.” He’s just as confused as you.

“Because it isn’t 1800 we have air conditioning now.” You gently move Benny to the side, and he lets you get closer to the now steaming water. 

With you in front, you take advantage of the hot water beating against your skin. When you turn around to face Benny again he rushes you into a heated kiss, his soft lips melting against yours. His hands cup your ass sending your hips straight into his. Benny backs you against the tile before lifting you. 

“This what you want?” You don’t answer Benny with words instead grabbing the back of his neck to bring his lips to yours. 

He lines himself up with your entrance before slowly sinking himself inside you. The groan he lets out vibrates against your chest. Benny’s cock stretches you in the most delicious way, you can no longer focus on the kiss and throw your head back against the tile. Benny takes the time to focus on your neck, licking and sucking on your sensitive spots to loosen you up for him. 

“You’re perfect,” His sudden declaration has you clenching down on him. Benny’s hips begin to speed up, frantically humping into your own. The sound of your pussy keeping up with Benny was drowned out by the water. “Look at me,” Benny demands of you while his hips drive into you. 

When your eyes meet his, he tells you, “I love you.”

With your mouth hanging open you return the sentiment, your hips driving into his on pure instinct. Benny’s hands grip your hips in a way that will bruise tomorrow but right now he can’t bring himself to care. He places his focus on the way your tits bounce every time he connects his hips to yours. Before he can warn you, ropes of cum shoot out deep inside your pussy. The rocking of his hips slows until you're both panting against one another.

Benny releases you to the ground but keeps his hands on you knowing you’ll need some assistance. He takes your washcloth and douses it in whatever scented body soap you have on your shelf. He rubs it thoroughly throughout your body creating suds that make your body even more inviting. He’s gentle while cleaning up the mess he made. Once you’re finished he quickly washes himself before dragging the both of you out.

Your eyes are barely open while he puts one of his shirts on you. He travels over to the drawer dedicated to him, pulling out a pair of boxers to sleep in. As he slides in bed behind you he kisses your neck before wrapping an arm around you. 

taglist: @emilianamason

[hayanwulf]

Hi, in case you write a/b/o, can you write IronStrange where someone flirts with alpha Stephen and omega Tony steps in to stop them? That would be great!

Okay, I’m guessing you wanted me to write traditional a/b/o here. I, however, am not used to writing traditional. I tried (and failed) so went back to the way I always write my a/b/o’s. Non-traditional and with a high level of normalcy.

“Norns, you look pathetic ogling at that sorcerer,” Loki commented dryly, hands crossed over his chest and legs propped up on the conference table. The Avengers meeting hadn’t yet started, so the few people already present were more or less lounging.

“I’m not ogling at anyone,” Tony replied whilst clearly staring at the sorcerer in question, who sat all the way on the opposite side of the large table, discussing something with Bruce. “It’s called careful scrutiny.”

It was true. Stephen was a new player to the team — and it had taken a lot of persuasion to make that happen even if Stephen had been an ally nonetheless — so obviously, as a co-leader of the Avengers, Tony needed to observe him to learn more about his abilities, battle sense, teamwork skills, the like. There was absolutely no other reason for Tony to observe the Wizard, nope. And it was most definitely not because Tony found the doctor attractive, intelligent, witty, and with the most intoxicating yet calming scent he’d smelled from an alpha in a long while. Stephen smelled like rain and fresh tea leaves, which, how was it possible for an alpha to have such light, soothing tones in their scent?

But anyway, that was not the reason Tony was currently observing Stephen.

There were only practical reasons for observing him, yup.

Loki let out a sound that was somewhere between a snort and a giggle. Tony turned to glare at the Asgardian, who was currently in his alpha form.

“You aren’t fooling anyone but yourself, Stark. But if that is what you choose to believe..” Loki smirked, pulling his legs off the table to stand up, and leaned towards Tony to speak quietly, “All the better for me.”

Tony felt it the moment Loki shifted to his omega, the strong, musky undertone of his scent replaced by a pleasant kind of sweetness. Tony blinked and sat up straight, watching a little cluelessly as Loki sauntered around the table.

The Asgardian arrived by Stephen’s seat and leaned his back on the table, body tilted towards Stephen, eyes tracing the Wizard with interest.

Finally, it clicked what Loki was doing, and Tony stilled.

Stephen blinked up at Loki’s posture, no doubt already having noted the switch in gender. “Hello, Loki,” he said with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

The responding smile Loki gave was somewhere between mischief and mirth. “I do not plan to sit around in this inane gathering they call a ‘team meeting’. I would rather do something enjoyable, or at the very least, meaningful,” Loki spoke, then gave a light tilt to his head and raised a challenging eyebrow. “Care to join me?”

Stephen held Loki’s gaze for a long moment, a considering look in his face.

No, no.

Tony could not let this happen.

He could especially not lose to Loki, of all people.

“Or,” he spoke out loud before he could stop himself, catching the attentions of not only the magic users, but also Bruce, Natasha, Hope, and Scott. “We could go back to my penthouse after the meeting. Order takeout, watch some movies.”

Lame.

He immediately wanted to kick himself.

But.. it was safest. It was all he could think of in the spur of the moment. They’d already had takeouts at Tony’s penthouse a few times, even if Stephen had never seemed to want to stay for long.

Tony could never quite figure out why.

What did it mean, Tony wondered, that Stephen never stayed till the completion of even a single movie with Tony, but had seemed ready to take Loki up on his suggestion just a moment ago?

“Sounds like a plan,” Stephen’s words pulled Tony out of his head, startling him a bit with how quickly his doubt got defenestrated.

He looked up to find the Wizard gazing at him with warmth in his eyes, lips turned up just a hint. Tony knew that Stephen did not easily give away his feelings, be it through scent or expression. Tony was among the few who were privileged enough to not only receive those warm looks from Stephen, but also know what he smelled like when he was content and happy.

Tony was grateful for being among those people.

He smiled up at Stephen, bright and genuine. “Better pick a movie before the meeting’s over.”

Loki, Tony realized, was staring at him with lips downturned, which seemed less out of annoyance and more out of disappointment, which, what?

Whatever.. the crisis had been averted and Tony had acquired a not-date.

For now, he was content with that.

[schrodingerspsycho]

I Just Want You To Be Happy - Chapter 2

Pairing - Taissa Turner x Van Palmer x Reader

Warnings - Angst, implied smut at the beginning, spoilers for This Is Spinal Tap

Word Count - 5.5k

Summary - Van tells Taissa how she really feels, and comfort is found in the most unlikely of places.

Chapter 1

Help Palestine by clicking this link!🇵🇸

The next morning, just like every morning, a harsh beeping sound jolted you awake. You groped at your bedside table, trying to turn the alarm off before it woke Van. When you finally opened your eyes you found that she was lying directly on top of you. You smiled; you woke up in this position more often than not, and you secretly adored it no matter how much you teased her. You stroked her hair lovingly as you watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. You knew that she had probably stayed up for at least another hour after you drifted off, her anxiety keeping her awake. If it were up to you, you’d close the store for the day to give her time to deal with everything, but you knew she would never allow that. She would want to keep as much of a sense of normalcy as possible, no matter how badly she needed a break. But at least you could grant her a few extra minutes of rest.

“Good morning, baby,” you whispered when she began to stir.

“Hey,” she smiled up at you sleepily. You grinned. You would never stop being amazed by how beautiful she was. She leaned forward and kissed you lazily, humming contentedly against your lips.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” she chuckled, stifling a yawn.

“Why don’t I go out and get us coffee after we open the store? How does that sound?” you asked, still stroking her hair. Then you trailed your hand down to her waist. “Or I could help you wake up another way.”

She lifted her head to smirk at you, fully awake now. You wiggled your eyebrows mischievously. Then she sighed. “We shouldn’t.”

You flashed her a dramatic pout before kissing the tip of her nose with a giggle. “Alright,” you agreed, though somewhat reluctantly. She gave you a piteous smile and kissed you deeply, bringing her hand up to cup your cheek. She still pulled away too quickly for your liking, but you could understand why her mind was elsewhere.

“We have to open the store, my love,” she said gently.

“I know,” you lamented. Van tried to get up, but you threw your arms around her neck and pulled her back down. “Not yet,” you gasped out before kissing her again. “Okay, now we can go.”

“You are something else,” Van murmured with a lovesick smile. Then she finally got up and you followed, admiring her shamelessly the way you did every morning. She was wearing your old Bart Simpson t-shirt and a pair of plaid boxers, and call you old-fashioned, but she’d never looked sexier. You really hated it when she decided to be the responsible one. “I can feel you staring,” she said without looking at you.

“What can I say? I like it when you get protective.”

“Oh, I can see that,” she teased.

“My white knight.”

“Shut up.”

You fell into a comfortable silence for a bit after that, going about your morning routine as you did every day. You brushed past her as you made your way to the dresser, not noticing that it was her eyes that lingered this time.

“Did we have any donuts left over yesterday, or did you eat them all?” you asked as you decided on an outfit for the day.

“Yeah, we do. And if I recall, you’re the one who ate three.”

“It’s your fault for buying so many jelly-filled! You know I can’t resist them!” you defended with a grin. “Jelly-filled are my favorite. Nothing beats a jelly-filled donut!”

“Did you just quote Pokémon at me?”

“Maybe.”

Van snorted. “Sounds like somebody’s been watching the merchandise.”

“We just got the entire Indigo League season on VHS, you can’t expect me not to watch it!”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” she smiled. “Just don’t forget to rewind it and bring it back down so the customers can watch it too.”

“When have I ever done that?” you said indignantly. Van raised an eyebrow. “…Recently?”

“Last month.”

“Hey, that was not my fault! We were watching that movie together, you forgot it too!”

“You brought it up, it’s on you to bring it back down,” she shrugged, smirking. You rolled your eyes.

“Whatever,” you conceded, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Wait,” she said softly, hooking her finger on the waistband of your pajama pants and tugging you closer. “Y’know, I don’t think coffee’s gonna be enough to wake me up after all.”

You smiled at her as she bit her lip, dropping your clean clothes on the floor and grabbing her hips. She gasped when you pulled her in, pressing her chest to yours and kissing her roughly. She wrapped her arms around your shoulders and held you in place, her fingernails scratching lightly against the nape of your neck. You lifted her off the ground without breaking the kiss and carried her back to bed. Then you laid her down gently and pulled away. She let out a soft whine.

“If we’re gonna do this, you’re going to have to be quiet,” you whispered, playing with the hem of her shirt. She nodded. She was staring up at you hungrily, in the way that always made your head spin. You leaned down and began sucking at her neck, relishing in the familiar way her body shuddered underneath you. If you had your way, you would spend the whole day worshiping her like this.

“God, just fuck me already,” Van hissed, grasping a fistful of your hair and shoving you downward.

“As you wish,” you grinned.

Tai blinked slowly as light from the window shone onto her face. She sighed and rolled over, her head throbbing. Then she remembered.

She sat up slowly, gazing around the empty apartment. She checked her phone; she had fifteen missed calls from Soyun and only eight percent battery left, and it was already past ten thirty. She put her phone back down and got up, pacing aimlessly. There was a donut box on the counter next to a note scrawled in Van’s familiar messy handwriting. Taissa smiled to herself as she picked it up.

There’s one donut left that you can have for breakfast, or you can help yourself to anything in the fridge.

Tai opened the box and took a bite, the sugary goodness melting in her mouth. It had been a while since she’d had a donut. Maybe she should start eating them again.

Then she noticed a picture frame in the corner that she hadn’t seen the night before. It was a photo of you and Van, standing on a beach somewhere with your arms around each other. You both had wet hair and a slight sunburn on your shoulders, and Van seemed to be laughing in surprise at the kiss you were planting on her cheek. There was no gray in your hair, so the picture must have been a few years old. Taissa’s smile fell.

After changing into the clothes that were left for her on the coffee table (another sweater she could tell was yours) Taissa headed downstairs. As she neared the beaded curtain that led to the back office, she heard the music playing faintly from the speakers in the store. It was a song she hadn’t heard in years and it took her a second to place it, but she recognized it as Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name”. 

Taissa stepped through the curtain hesitantly and saw Van sitting at the desk. “Hey,” she said softly. Van barely glanced at her. “I’m sorry about last night. Whatever I did, I-”

“Whatever you did?” Van repeated, her voice dripping with scorn. “Do you really think you can just waltz down here and give me some empty apology without even knowing what you did?”

“Alright, then what did I do?”

Van scoffed and finally turned around to glare at her. “You tried to kiss me,” she snarled. “And then you put your fucking hands on Y/N.”

Taissa’s eyes widened in horror. “Van, I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “Did I… did I hurt them?”

“Thank god, no.”

“Well, did I say anything?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you got right down in their face and said ‘you’. You practically growled it, I mean, you sounded like an animal.”

“That’s it? What does that mean?”

“I don’t fucking know, Taissa,” Van snapped. “It sure sounded like a threat, but I wasn’t gonna wait around and find out.”

“I’m so sorry, Van. I never meant for this to happen-”

Van let out a laugh. It was dark and humorless, and the sound was haunting coming from her. When Taissa looked up, she saw a flash of coldness in her eyes. The familiarity of it sent a shiver down her spine. “Oh, don’t act like you didn’t know this was going to happen. Like you thought that all of this would just magically go away when you got here. No, you knew exactly what you were doing.”

“You think I wanted this? I don’t remember anything, Van! I wasn’t in control, you know that!”

“Yeah, like that makes it any better.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Oh, I’m the one who’s not being fair?” Van yelled. “Not you, who came crawling back to me because you ran out of people who will put up with your bullshit? Who can’t hide behind your denial and your facade of professionalism anymore and decided to make it my problem because you never learned how to cope? Who expected me to pick up the pieces without giving a second thought to how you or your alter ego might affect me and the people I love? Give me a break. You haven’t been fair a day in your life and you know it.”

Taissa felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes just as she noticed them welling up in Van’s. “Fine,” she croaked after a moment. “You’re right. I’m so sorry. Maybe I should go.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know when I’m not wanted.”

“I never said that.” Van stared her down, and Taissa found herself unable to walk away. “I told you I was gonna help you, and I meant it. But I gotta take care of myself, too. And Y/N. So I’d appreciate it if we could just cut the bullshit and see this for what it is.”

“And what is it?”

Van chuckled. “It’s fucking terrifying. This blast from the past is fucking up both our lives, just like always. And now we’ve gotta figure out how to be fucking civil about it.”

Taissa nodded solemnly. “I really am sorry about what happened last night.”

“I know you are,” Van sighed with a small smile. “And I know it wasn’t your fault. I’m just trying to keep Y/N as far away from this as possible. They’re the best thing I have and I can’t let them get poisoned like we are. They don’t deserve that.”

“Of course. I would never want that.”

They stood there in silence for a few moments, the atmosphere heavy but not awkward. Tai gazed at Van timidly as she processed everything she’d said. It was amazing how even after all these years, she could still read her like an open book. Tai wasn’t sure if she liked it or not.

“You said something else, by the way,” Van said, breaking the silence. “Before. You said ‘This isn’t where we’re supposed to be’. Does that mean anything to you?”

“No. I have no idea,” Taissa sighed. Van shrugged. “Wait. I said “we”? Who’s “we”?”

Van gave her a sad look, but before she could respond they heard the sound of the side door opening.

“I have returned!” you announced with a goofy grin. Van lit up at the sight of you, the pain from their conversation all but vanished from her face.

“Hi, baby,” she greeted, kissing you on the cheek as she took the bag from your hand. “What’s this?”

“I got you one of those breakfast sandwiches that you like,” you smiled. “I figured a leftover donut didn’t quite make a full meal.”

“Oh, yes! That sounds delicious. Thanks, babe.” She set the bag down on the desk and gave you a lingering kiss as she took her coffee from you.

“And Taissa, they only had one vegetarian option, so I hope you like avocado.”

“You got me a sandwich?” Taissa said, dumbfounded.

“Of course,” you smiled. “And here’s your coffee. A brown sugar oat shaken espresso.”

Tai took the cup slowly, her eyes flickering between it and you. “How did you know?” was all she could get out.

“Van told me,” you answered before taking your own sandwich out of the bag. Tai turned her gaze to Van, who had gone back to shelving the tapes.

“You remembered my coffee order,” she breathed as if she was afraid to voice the idea. Van shook her head like she was dismissing an unwelcome thought.

“Of course, I remembered,” she mumbled.

“Thank you so much,” Taissa blurted, taking her eyes off Van and turning back to you. “And I’m so sorry for what I did last night. I never wanted to-”

“It’s okay,” you assured her. “I know you weren’t in control. No harm, no foul.”

“A-are you sure? I just feel awful, and I-”

“Don’t worry about it, Taissa,” you insisted. “Seriously, it’s fine. Just relax and enjoy your coffee.”

Tai glanced over at Van, who was intently avoiding looking at either of you. She took a sip, and the familiar taste of the coffee calmed her nerves. “Thank you again. This really hits the spot.”

“I’m glad you like it. It’s from the best cafe in town,” you said with a wink.

Taissa ate her breakfast in silence, leaning in the doorway and observing as you and Van shelved the tapes. You moved so seamlessly together. The way you handed each other tapes without looking and passed each other your coffees from the desk without a word was honestly impressive. But the loving glances and whispered inside jokes you kept exchanging made it hard for her to watch. A pit had formed in her stomach, and she’d never felt more out of place. God, I’ve really fucked everything up, haven’t I?

The bell chimed out in the lobby just as Taissa was finishing her sandwich, and they heard heavy footsteps approaching quickly from the front door. You and Van shared a look.

“Maddy,” you both said in unison.

Van headed to the front of the store, and soon the muffled sounds of a cheery conversation drifted through the beaded curtain. “Who’s Maddy?” Taissa asked you.

“She’s our most loyal customer,” you explained. “Comes in about twice a week. She and Van are pretty close. She’s always giving her recommendations, and they can talk about movies for hours if you let them. She’s a really sweet kid.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Taissa smiled.

“Do you want to go out and meet her?” you asked. “I mean, if you’re going to be here a while, then you’re bound to run into her eventually.”

“No, I couldn’t do that. I mean it would be weird, right?”

“Only if you make it weird,” you said. Then Van walked back into the office and handed you a tape of The Watermelon Woman. “Wait, did she watch this already? I thought she had a term paper due?”

Van just shrugged. “Maybe she finished it. I don’t know, I’m the cool one who gives her movies, and you’re the lame one who asks her about school.”

“Hey!”

“Love you,” Van smirked.

“Did she like it?” you asked as you reshelved the tape.

Van grinned. “Yeah, she loved it. She said it spoke to her. Motivated her to start working on her screenplay again. She said she wrote a whole half page after she watched it.”

“That’s great!” you smiled. “Y’know, Taissa said she didn’t want to meet her.”

“I-I didn’t say that!” Taissa insisted. Van raised an eyebrow at her and you snickered. “I just… thought it would be weird.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Van said, sharing a mischievous grin with you. “But if you’re here long enough, you’re gonna meet her eventually.”

Taissa nodded dumbly as you followed Van through the curtain. She considered her options for a moment and decided that meeting Maddy would be less awkward than just standing there. So she took a deep breath and stepped out into the lobby. 

“Oh, Maddy, this is Taissa,” Van said when Maddy noticed her. “She’s my old friend, and she’s staying with us for a while.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Taissa said, reaching out her hand. Maddy shook it with a smile.

“Right back at ya,” she said. Then she snapped and pointed a finger gun at Taissa with a smirk. “What’s your favorite A24 film?”

“My favorite… what?”

“It’s a movie production studio,” Van chuckled as you giggled into your hand. “She asks everybody that.”

“You don’t know what A24 is? Oh, you gotta give her the crash course, VP,” Maddy grinned. Taissa turned to stare at Van.

“You saw Moonlight, right?”

“Uh, yeah. It was amazing.”

“Then there you go. That’s your favorite.”

Taissa nodded.

“Well, I’ve got to run,” Maddy said, slapping the counter. “It was great to meet you… Taissa? Right?”

“Yeah, it’s Taissa. It was nice to meet you too.”

Maddy smiled and waved at them as she walked toward the door. “I’ll see you guys tonight!”

You and Van grinned at each other as the door slammed shut, then you headed back into the office. Taissa raised an eyebrow at Van.

“VP?”

“What? It’s a nickname,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s cute,” Tai smiled. “She seems like a good kid.”

“Yeah, she’s the best.”

“So what’s going on tonight?”

“It’s movie night,” Van grinned. “Every Saturday night we set up a projector and chairs and show a movie in the store. People love it, it’s a lot of fun.”

“That’s sounds awesome. Do you make any profit off it, or-”

“Yep, we sure do!” you exclaimed, appearing behind Taissa and moving to stand at Van’s side. “We sell tickets, popcorn, candy, and drinks all on the cheap! ‘Vintage movies at vintage prices’ is our slogan.”

“Y/N came up with that,” Van said proudly, putting an arm around your waist and leaning into you. “They were an advertising executive before they started working here.”

“Oh wow,” Taissa said. “That’s impressive.”

“Thanks. It was a good job. Nice office, big paycheck, and I got to flex my creative muscles. But I love this job so much more,” you beamed, holding Van close and rubbing your thumb up and down her bicep. “Plus it helps that I’m sleeping with the boss.”

“Shut up!” Van laughed, shoving you playfully. But you kept your arm around her and pulled her back in, kissing her on the cheek. “You co-own the store now, you idiot. You gotta stop making that joke.”

“Never,” you grinned, shaking your head. “It’s too funny.”

“You co-own the store?” Tai asked, her voice quivering slightly.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna make them invest in, work at, and live over a store they didn’t own,” Van explained. “We finalized things a few months ago, but it’s felt like our store for a long time now.”

“Oh, wow. That’s nice,” Taissa mumbled halfheartedly. Then she cleared her throat. “So what movie are you playing tonight?”

“This Is Spinal Tap,” you answered. “Have you seen it?”

“Yeah, I have. Van is actually the one who first showed it to me. Remember? It’s a great movie.”

“Oh yeah, I do remember! Wasn’t that the night we drank those Zimas that you stole from your aunt?”

“It was!” Taissa laughed. “And we got too drunk to remember the end of the movie so you made us watch it again the next morning when we were hungover!”

“Hey, I stand by that. You needed to see it through to the end!”

“Of course, you would say that,” Tai grinned. Van laughed, her eyes shining. God, how Taissa had missed that laugh.

“That sounds fun,” you said, a hint of annoyance in your voice.

“Oh, it was,” Van nodded, winking at Tai. “And we haven’t even told you the best part yet.”

“Hey now, we don’t need to-”

“Taissa thought it was a real documentary,” she said gleefully. “She thought the whole thing was real, you should’ve seen her, she just kept getting angrier and angrier at all the jokes!”

“That was only because you told me it was a documentary!” Tai accused, pointing a finger at her playfully. “Excuse me for trusting my best friend!”

“It took her until the amp that goes to eleven to figure it out.”

“No way!” you cried, bursting into a fit of laughter when you caught sight of Taissa’s sheepish expression. “That’s like twenty minutes into the movie! How did you not realize?”

“I don’t know, I was probably too drunk to be paying attention,” she shrugged.

“Not yet, you weren’t,” Van smirked. “You were paying enough attention to shout at the screen every thirty seconds. You kept complaining about how they were ‘getting things wrong’ and ‘how could they put that in the documentary’?”

“Okay, you know what? That… that was a long time ago. I was a kid.”

You and Van laughed at her weak attempt to defend herself, and Taissa smiled in spite of everything. She felt a flutter in her chest when she looked at the two of you. What was it? Happiness? Hope? It had been so long since she’d felt either.

But whatever it was, of course, it was too good to last.

After lunch, Taissa was able to borrow a charger from you and Van and had excused herself up to the apartment to make a very important phone call. She adjusted her hair anxiously as she stared at herself on the screen, waiting for her to pick up. And on the third try, she answered.

“What the hell do you want, Taissa?”

“Uh, h-hi, Denise,” she faltered, shrinking under her mother-in-law’s disapproving gaze. “Um, I was just calling to see if I could talk to Sammy.”

“He’s not here right now.”

“Well, where is he?”

“Harold took him to the park. Something his mother should be doing. But she can’t, because you put her in the goddamn hospital!”

“I-I know, and I will never be able to apologize for that enough-”

“Oh, you got that right,” Denise scoffed.

“Um, well, can you call me later so I can talk to him when he gets back?”

“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because first, you throw him and his mother out of the house, then you leave him at school for hours and put his mother in a coma, and then you run off to god knows where without a word! You’ve traumatized that poor boy enough, don’t you think?”

Taissa felt tears sting the corners of her eyes. “Okay, you’re right. I have done some bad things lately. I haven’t been doing well. But I’m getting help! That’s why I left, to get help so I can get better and be there for Sammy. I-I just want to let him know that I’m okay and that I’m getting help and I’m gonna be home as soon as I can.”

“Yeah, sure you are,” Denise snapped dismissively. “Where the hell are you anyway? That doesn’t look like any hospital.”

“Well, I-I’m not at a hospital, I’m staying with an old friend. B-but she can help me, I swear! Please, just tell Sammy-”

“Trust me, Taissa, he does not want to hear from you right now. It’ll only hurt him more.”

“That’s not your decision, he-”

“You put my daughter in the hospital,” she seethed, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “She nearly died because of you! And then you abandoned her and her son! You are in no position to be asking anything from me!”

“I know,” Taissa croaked. “I know, I know, and I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry. Just please, tell Sammy I’m going to get better and that I love him. Please!”

“He’s more worried about his mother right now.”

“He’s my son too,” Taissa quavered.

“Then start acting like it.”

And with that, Taissa’s phone screen went black. She stared blankly at it for a moment as tears spilled from her eyes, then she let it fall to the floor. Her hands shook as she covered her face, finally breaking down and sobbing.

You sighed as you finished a sale to a couple in their sixties. The man had poorly concealed white hair and could barely stop bragging about still having his own VCR long enough to pay. He put his hand in the woman’s back pocket as they walked out, and you winced in disgust.

“Why do men always have the worst taste in movies?” you said as Van approached the counter. “He said he wanted an action-comedy, and then he ignored all my suggestions and picked Howard the Duck. Howard the Duck! Why do we even have that movie?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what to tell ya,” Van chuckled. “And you know he’s going to come back in and blame you when his girlfriend hates it.”

“Yeah, well, I hope she leaves him,” you said, and Van smirked. “I’m gonna go upstairs and get a pop, you want anything?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks though.”

You nodded and headed upstairs. But when you entered the apartment, you heard sniffling and noticed that Taissa was curled up on your couch with her head in her hands.

“Taissa?” you called softly, stepping toward her. “Are you okay?”

She wiped her eyes and sat up slowly, refusing to look at you. “No. No, I’m not.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I called my mother-in-law to ask if I could talk to Sammy,” she sighed. You sat on the other side of the couch and she continued avoiding your gaze. “But she said it wasn’t a good idea. That I’ve already traumatized him enough. And she’s right. My own son doesn’t even want to speak to me, and I can’t blame him.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said softly, and she finally glanced up at you. “I can’t imagine how difficult all of this must be for you. I wish I could do more to help. But I can see how much you love him. I’m sure he knows it too.”

“Why are you being nice to me?” Taissa snapped. “Why did you even agree to help me at all? You should hate me!”

“Because of what you did last night?” you asked gently. “Taissa, I already told you, I forgive you for that. I know you weren’t in control. Of course, I’m not going to hate you for that. It’s water under the bridge.”

Taissa stared guiltily at the floor.

“Oh,” you nodded. “You’re asking why I don’t see you as a threat to my relationship with Van,” you said, finally voicing the concern that’s been itching in the back of your mind since Taissa showed up in your store. “Should I see you as a threat to my relationship with Van?”

“I-I don’t know, I mean I… no! No, of course not! Of course not.” Taissa shifted uncomfortably.

“Look, I’m not stupid. I know what kind of relationship you and Van had. I know it meant a lot to her, and I imagine it meant a lot to you too. But I also have complete trust in my partner,” you smiled. “I’m not a jealous person. You’ve given me no reason to question your intentions, and I trust that you aren’t going to. Van and I are in a committed relationship, and so are you. There’s no reason for anyone to mess with that, and no reason we can’t all be friends.”

Taissa stayed silent, an unreadable expression on her face.

“I’ll give you some time,” you said gently, patting her knee. “If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

“Thank you,” Taissa breathed just as you started down the staircase. “But you didn’t answer my question.”

“What question?”

“Why are you helping me?” She was staring at you now, her expression cautious and probing. You sighed.

“Because you’re important to Van,” you answered. “She’s everything to me. So if she says she’s going to help you, then I’m going to help you. If she goes, I go.”

Taissa’s face became unreadable again, and you headed back downstairs without a word.

“Hey, where’s your soda?” Van asked.

“I didn’t end up getting one. Taissa’s phone call didn’t go well.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah, I tried to help, but I think she just needs some space. I can’t imagine what she’s going through.”

“Yeah, it’s… a lot,” Van said sadly. “And she never lets anyone in, so she just makes it that much worse.”

“Let’s hope we can get through to her and help her this time. Just like you did before,” you smiled, putting your arm around Van’s shoulder and kissing her cheek. She nodded distractedly, staring at the floor.

“Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.”

Hours passed as Taissa lay on the couch, thinking about everything… or nothing at all, she couldn’t tell the difference.

“Taissa?”

At the sound of Van’s voice, Taissa scrambled to her feet, smoothing her (your) shirt timidly.

“Y/N told me what happened,” she said gently. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Taissa sighed. “I’m not.”

“I’m sorry,” Van said, walking over to sit on the couch. Taissa sat next to her awkwardly. “Do you want to tell me about him?”

“Who, Sammy?”

“Yeah. What’s he like?”

“Okay,” Taissa smiled gratefully. “Well, he’s smart. And so creative. He loves drawing. We have to buy him a new box of crayons every few months, he goes through them so fast. And he, uh… he hasn’t been lately, but he’s such a happy kid. And funny too; he loves telling jokes and stories. I mean, his imagination is limitless. When he was in first grade, his class had a writing contest and he won first place for his story about a robot kingdom. And he’s already reading at a sixth-grade level! He was the first one in his grade to start reading chapter books.”

“Sounds like he takes after you.”

“Yeah, not all the time. He hates soccer,” Taissa smirked. “I signed him up when he was five, and half the time he wasn’t even on the right side of the field.”

“Oh no, really?” Van chuckled.

“Yeah, no matter how much I pushed him from the sidelines he was completely uninterested. One game he was actually playing pretty well, and then he just stopped. And at first, I thought he was hurt or something, but then he pointed up at the sky and shouted, ‘Mommy, look! That cloud looks like an elephant!’”

Van laughed. “Well in his defense, a cloud that looks like an elephant is pretty cool.”

“True,” Tai chuckled. “But the game was tied! He could’ve scored the winning goal, one of his teammates passed it to him and everything!”

“Do they even keep score when they’re that young?”

“I was.”

“Of course you were,” Van smirked. “You haven’t changed.”

Taissa glanced down at her lap. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Van said softly, rubbing her back with a smile. “Anytime. Now, Y/N and I were going to figure out dinner before we get the store set up for the movie. Would you care to join us?”

“Sure,” she smiled.

True to your word, you insisted on showing Taissa the city, starting with the best Mexican restaurant in town. It was indeed delicious, and the three of you spent the whole night talking and laughing, last night’s awkwardness all but disappeared. The movie night turnout was impressive, as the store quickly filled with adults looking to relive their childhoods and teens who had no idea what they were in for. Taissa grinned from the back row as she watched you and Van present the film to the eager audience. It was the same way Van used to present movies to the team at sleepovers. It almost looked rehearsed, the way you two traded lines with such perfect timing. The audience was eating it up, and by the time the movie started, Taissa had forgotten about the phone call.

“That was amazing,” Taissa said as you and Van joined her in the back row. Van grinned and patted her shoulder as she sat next to her.

“Thanks,” you smiled.

“Y’know, this is my favorite documentary,” Van whispered in her ear.

“Oh, shut up,” Tai scoffed, slapping her playfully. Van giggled. Tai rolled her eyes and shook her head, thinking for the first time that she was glad she had come.

[blondeboyfriend]

𝐖𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈

[ PAIRING ] Yoshikage Kira x f!reader [ AUTHOR'S NOTE ] I'd be lying if I said American Psycho didn't inspire bits of this fic. [ SYNOPSIS ] Against his better judgment Kira takes you up on your offer to grab some dinner after work. [ WORD COUNT ] 3k [ CONTENT ] Canon AU, POV switching (though most of it is written from Kira's POV), he is so goddamn mentally ill, y/n is crushing hard, masturbation, oral sex (f receiving), penetrative sex, handjob, murder, angst without a happy ending.

Yoshikage Kira never intended to go out to dinner with you. He was already fantasizing about a quiet evening at home as he finished up his work. He could picture it so clearly: sitting at his dinner table eating leftovers from the night before, eventually making his way to the couch to watch mindless television until the early stages of slumber enveloped him, then he would drink a warm glass of milk and do some light stretches before snuggling up under his freshly washed linen sheets, sleeping soundly until morning came.

But for reasons unknown to him, he felt compelled to take you up on your offer. Maybe it was how you walked by his desk six times before getting the courage to actually speak to him. Or maybe it was your feeble attempt at acting nonchalant about it and how cute it was when your desperation trickled through.

“I haven’t had the chance to try shabu-shabu since I moved here and I cannot be seen doing it alone. Think of what that’ll do to my ego.”

He chuckled even though he didn’t find your comment particularly funny. “Find a time when no one is around and go. Then no one will see you.”

“But I’ll know I’m alone. Like, I’ll have to live with that memory for the rest of my life.”

“What if the food is so good you forget about that part?”

“Kira,” you whined. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“I can’t; I have to return some library books. Why not ask someone else?” He leaned back in his chair, trying to see who was still toiling away in the office. “Ah, Natsumi would be a good choice. I bet she eats food.”

You attempted to quiet your laughter with your hands which annoyed him to no end. Who were you to put yourself on display in such a manner?

“I barely talk to her,” you finally said after reeling in your laughter.

“I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe another night,” he suggested though he hoped you’d never follow up.

“I’ll pay! Please?”

He sighed, denying a cute thing like you was too cruel. “Will you have me home before 8?”

You reached out and put your hand on his shoulder. “Of course I will,” you replied, your tone comically serious. “You can count on me.”

He brushed your hand off of him while making note of how gentle your touch had been. Your hands were a sight to behold, just looking at them made all his blood flow straight to his cock. He crossed his legs and smiled sweetly, trying to maintain a veil of normalcy.

Kira knew he would be testing himself by going on a social outing with you. But it wasn’t as if he was an amateur. There had been plenty of times he didn’t let his urges get the better of him, even when presented with the perfect opportunity to indulge. He was more than capable of exercising self restraint. Besides you were his coworker. Killing you was far too risky. That in itself was enough of a deterrent.

“Do you have somewhere in mind?” He asked.

You nodded. “There’s a place not too far from here. It’s a few blocks down.”

“Have you heard good things about it?”

“No, terrible things. A guy got food poisoning and died in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles. They say his ghost haunts the restaurant to this very day with his dick hanging out.”

“Oh I love that,” Kira said quietly as he shut down his computer.

“Thought you would.”

He cleared his throat and looked up from his monitor. “I’ll meet you out front. I need to take care of a few things before we leave.”

You nodded and strolled off, unaware of the mental anguish that plagued him. Kira glanced down at his lap, watching as his cock fought against the fabric of his pants. He slowly got up, careful to obscure his erection with his quivering hands. Dizzy and humiliated, he skulked into the bathroom and quickly relieved himself. As he squeezed the shaft of his cock he fantasized about how your disembodied hand would feel stroking his tender flesh.

“Stop it,” he mumbled, hoping verbalizing his morality would make it appear.

Misery enveloped Kira as he washed his hands. He was careful to not look in the mirror, unable to bear the sight of himself. He breathed deeply as he unlocked the bathroom door, pulling it open only to be greeted by your expectant presence.

“I felt weird standing around in the lobby.”

He couldn’t follow your logic, but your earnest demeanor was precious so he didn’t think too hard about it.

“Great,” he choked out.

There was a sense of relief once the two of you were out in the world, away from the office. The air seemed lighter, the lights not so blinding and unforgiving. He was at ease as he walked beside you, your hands brushing up against his on occasion. Your disruption was more harmonious than he previously surmised. It was wrong to assume you were a woman of strife and discord. You were more benign than that. You were like petting a kitten that had been napping in a puddle of sunlight. Your presence carried the weight of a reassuring hug. He wanted to melt in your arms and drown in your sweetness.

Everything was painted in a blushy-orange hue as the sun slowly set. It gave your face an angelic quality as it danced across your face. To say you looked picturesque was an understatement. Nothing could shit on this moment; nothing could annihilate his peace. He was sure of it.

“This is… it,” you said sadly, noticing that the restaurant was in fact closed.

Suddenly everything came crashing down. Kira felt like he was going to vomit into his shoes.

“What a shame,” he said, voice straining. He was convinced he could cry at any moment.

Your eyes darted around. “We could get udon,” you said, pointing at a restaurant across the street.

Kira spun around and nearly moaned as relief filled his chest. It was directly across the street, its existence a good omen. He could have kissed you for pointing it out.

“Yes,” he said, wiping his eyes. “We can get udon.”

You gave him a confused look. Damn, he must really love udon.

Dinner went well. You both ordered the same thing, but that was only because Kira wanted to mirror you and what he perceived as your moral superiority. You talked about work, expressing similar grievances. He rarely voiced his discontent to anyone, let alone his coworkers, but you disarmed him. Everything he knew and held dear was now flexible; he didn’t mind bending a little for you.

You upheld your part of the bargain and covered the bill without a second thought. He contemplated paying for everything while you weren’t paying attention, but you were too quick.

“You could have at least let me pay for half,” he said as you signed the receipt.

You smiled. “Nah.”

The sun had set and the streets were not bustling with as much life. The sidewalks were practically empty. Eight o’clock was growing near, putting Kira on edge. His confidence in his self control was waning. It was time to go home.

“Well I’ll see you on Monday. Thank you for dinner. It was nice.”

“You don’t wanna hang out for a little longer? Maybe grab some tea? Pudding? Anything?”

He clenched his fists, nails piercing his palms. Your company was now a burden to bear. He knew you wouldn’t make it out alive if you stuck around.

“You know you wanna have tea with me,” you purred. 

A playful grin adorned your face. It was true. Kira did want to have tea with you, but not like this. He wanted to be with you under the warm gaze of a perpetual sunset. He wanted perfection, but the circumstances made it impossible, sullying it all. The longer he was around you like this, the more he wanted to hurt you.

“I doubt anywhere decent is open,” he said firmly.

“We can go back to my place! I actually have this really good genmaicha if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Fuck, he thought to himself. I am into that sort of thing!

“Alright, a cup or two won’t kill me.”

“Me neither. Let’s gooooo.”

He could control himself; he could show a semblance of restraint. Maybe spending more time around you would let him realize your true value. If he liked you enough, surely he’d want to keep more than just your hand around. And it would be nice to have a friend at work, someone to make him seem like a typical guy.

He sighed and convinced himself everything would be fine.

And it was. When the two of you arrived at your home, Kira was pleasantly surprised by its comforting warmth. It was no sunset. But it was close enough, disarming him all the same. He made himself comfortable on your couch. You prepared the tea, blethering about your interests. He watched you intently, taking in every little movement you made.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you said, placing a cup of tea in front of him. “But you have the eyes of a hunter.”

“What?!”

Suddenly he was trying to look as doe-eyed as possible. He couldn’t believe his mask was already slipping.

“It’s not a bad thing,” you laughed, nervously scratching the base of your skull.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god, don’t be,” you cooed as you took a seat beside him. “It’s not a bad thing. I—I, uh…”

You cut yourself off by taking a big sip of tea.

“What was that last part?” He asked, taking off his Valentino jacket. 

He carefully folded it and hoped the wrinkling would be minimal. He then rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to feel less constricted, a little freer.

“Uh,” you mumbled, staring at his toned forearms. “It’s, like, attractive. I’m saying that objectively.”

You were courting him in the shadows. He wanted to shake you and beg you to stop, to end this nonsense, to kick him out of your home for his predator eyes. All the time Kira spent trying to shield you from it didn’t mean a thing. It made him ill. And it wasn’t as if he could tell you to stop being flirtatious because it made him want to kill you. If you knew that he was a demon with a thin veneer of sanity, he’d lose you forever.

“Thank you,” he said, sipping his tea.

“I’m surprised someone hasn’t scooped you up already.”

“I don’t really like to make myself… scoopable.”

“Fair enough,” you said, scooching closer to him. “So, you’re not seeing anyone then?”

He paused. “I am not.”

You placed your hand on his thigh, fingers grazing the inside of it. He stared down at your hand like it was a grenade.

“I’m not seeing anyone either,” you said bashfully.

Kira felt like he was going to implode.

“You know… I’ve always had a bit of a,” you coughed nervously, “crush on you. I don’t know why. I just feel drawn to you.”

His cock throbbed under his pants, begging to be freed. His carnal needs were taking over. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually fucked someone, and seeking solace in your cunt sounded endlessly appealing.

“Is that so?”

You nodded and squeezed his thigh. His body ached for you, all of you. He wanted to have every bit of it in his mouth and cover your skin with his cum.

“I need you, Yoshikage,” you said, pulling yourself into his lap. Your hands gripped his shirt.

He didn’t know what to say. You were seeing him too clearly. Hearing you say his name made it all too real. But still there was some allure to it. Rarely did Kira ever feel desired and it was clear as day that you wanted him. It stroked his ego in ways he never thought possible.

“Tell me how much.”

Your hands were now unfastening the buttons of his shirt.

“I’d rather die than be without your touch,” you mewled, rolling your hips against him.

Kira felt like his heart was caught in his throat.

You kissed his cheekbone. “Let’s go to my room.”

He followed you to your room and watched as you removed your work clothes. Your body was incredible, delectable, and he wanted to consume it. It was like a sun ripened peach, dewy and glistening under a full moon. He wondered how it would feel to sink his teeth into your flesh, how sweet your arousal must taste.

Kira did the same, carefully undressing and making sure his clothes wouldn’t look like crumpled paper once he put them back on. His ego sang as you took in his naked form. He knew he was physical perfection, a body in the image of a Bernini sculpture. Your eyes were wide, eager, and starving.

You crawled onto the bed, resting on your back with your legs spread wide. He had a perfect view of your slick cunt, one that nearly made him drool. Unable to contain himself, he got onto the bed and buried his head between your thighs. He lapped at your folds, the tip of his nose brushing up against your swollen clit.

He looked up at you and watched as you grabbed your breasts, pinching your nipples between your fingers.

“Feels s’good,” you mumbled in a blissed out daze.

Kira gave your clit slow, languorous licks, savoring the sweet taste of your arousal. He found himself rutting against the mattress, desperate to feel some form of friction. The sounds of your breathy moans sent him spiraling into a pit of pleasure and despair. His urges were creeping around him, whispering in his ears.

I wonder if she’d make the same noises if you sliced her up a bit.

He closed his eyes and focused on kissing the inside of your thighs while he slipped his fingers inside you. Your moans grew louder, more comely, as he curled them.

“More,” you moaned as you laced your fingers in his wavy, flaxen hair.

Show her the real Yoshikage Kira.

“I want your cock,” you whimpered.

He got on top of you, his blue eyes lost in your haze of ecstasy. Lust radiated off of you, drawing him in. There was no way he could deny you.

He guided his cock inside you, tossing his head back as it was surrounded by the plush heat of your cunt. You locked your legs around him, clinging to his body like your life depended on it. He loved every minute of it; feeling wanted and needed was the best sensation in the world. He was sure of it.

His thrusts were languid and sensuous. Kira liked to take his time while fucking. He was never plagued by the overwhelming reflex to come as fast and hard as possible. He preferred to focus on the needs of his partner, slowly drawing out their transcendent moans. He was hypervigilant in his awareness. You couldn’t hide a thing from Kira. He noticed every muscle twitch, every gasp and groan, every gloriously enraptured expression.

“How does it f—feel?” You asked.

He didn’t want to speak. He felt safer with his mouth shut.

You tightened your cunt around his cock.

“Shit,” he choked out as he bottomed out.

You let out a deep moan and dug your fingernails into his shoulders. Your orgasm flowed through your body, replacing your blood with unadulterated ardor. Your sweet sounds filled the room, overwhelming him.

“I can’t,” he spat out abruptly.

He pulled his cock out of you and rolled gracelessly off the bed.

“Huh?” You were in a fucked out daze.

“I have to go.”

“Is this about the library books?”

He shook his head. “No. I j—I have to leave.”

“Can you at least tell me why?”

“I’m afraid if I stay I’ll do something to you.”

You gave him a confused glare. “What are you talking about?”

KIra stared down at his hands, hoping they would have an answer.

“There is something terrible happening inside me and I don’t want it to interfere with my work life.”

You sat up, your annoyance was tangible and took up space in the room. Your eyes were fixed on his erect cock.

“No one has to know.”

“But—”

“Come on. Let me make you happy before you leave, hm?”

His eyes darkened. “You want to make me happy?”

“Yes. I wanna be filled with your cum,” you begged.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed your right wrist.

“Jerk me off.”

“Uh. Okay,” you said, squeezing his swollen shaft.

Precum dribbled out from the tip, coating your hand and you serviced him. You didn’t look enthused, but you gave it your all.

“Good girl,” he choked out as his cock spurted cum over your chest.

Kira looked down at you, trying to memorize your face since this was the last time he’d see it. He would miss your goofiness and your sweetness, but living without it wasn’t impossible. Life would just go back to the way it was before, the way it should be. Home by 8:00 PM. A glass of warm milk. Stretching.

Surely you would understand why he had to do it.

“Whoa,” you said suddenly. “Wha—what’s that fucking pink thing behind you?”

He panicked and Killer Queen vaporized your body, leaving nothing behind. Kira fell to the ground and buried his face into the side of the mattress. The pain in his chest was sharp and raging. He wished he could go back in time and never agree to dinner. He would have forced Natsumi to go with you. He would have insulted you to your face. Anything to keep you away from him.

Kira was at a loss, alone in your home. He had no idea if anyone saw him come in or if anyone at the office knew you two had gone out. He cursed himself for being so reckless and began to sob. His hubris has gotten the better of him.

What a waste. But don’t worry. There will be another one.

Before you ask: yes, y/n was a stand user. Her stand was Baby One More Time and she could bring plants back from the dead.

[pumpkinsy0]

HCs for papercut dating in college?

ok i have quite a bit of hcs for different scenarios of papercut w pony in college so im just gonna,,,combine all em here and u can figure out what is what or just do whatever w it its a free cou try to a certain degree

hcs w curly not in college

•if we wanna go w curly and pony getting back together after ponys first year cause of whatever, i knowwww pony was filling curly in on all the bc that happened, he wouldve loved to talk about it to curly but yknow,,,they brokeup and he aint wanna b the first one to contact

•curly, college parties would changed ur life,,,they dont even ask for pony no more they ask pony “r u gonna bring the other guy??” like how dare u?????

•when pony gets home from a lecture curly swears pony looks like he just got back from fighting in the trenches

•ponys that roommate who always has his bf over in the dorm, not even supposed to have outsiders in but lets be honest, they were doin it regardless, btw before u ask where curly even lives, maybe he got his own place w a job (SHOCKER curly w a job im scared too)

•when ponys studying, he makes curly be his “anti distractor” curly just sits nearby as hes studying and if someone comes up to em, curly tells them off,,,pony needs to get his shit together,,,however sometimes it dont work cause ur asking CURLY SHEPARD to be ur anti distractor like cmon, like asking a fish to breath in air

•if curlys still back in tulsa, pony calls and sends letters when he can and when its break and he leaves to tulsa for vacation, on of the first stops on his way home is the shepard house to see curly

hc w curly in college too

•HOW he got in college let alone graduated hs nobody rlly knows fr, but ponys proud of him

•speaking of studying, pony has to FORCE him to study and get it together

•they both helped each other move into their dorms, towards the end of the day their back was HURTING

•when their families dropped em off, they felt pretty upset being left alone like this for the first time so they just hing out w each other to have some sense of normalcy

•curlys fighting anyone who tries to touch his or ponys clothes in the school laundry mat, he dont play about that at all

•pony scolds curly for just doodling and half assing his lecture notes

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 79: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Welcome back to our monthly appointment, CCS fans! This chapter comes right after this month's full moon, the Hunter Moon! (lol yes I will feature the name of the relative full moon till the end of the story). And speaking of the end of the story, I will start this analysis and translation post from the end of the chapter, where I found the confirmation to the rumour that had been going on for hours before the official release on Comic Days:

yes, dear readers, this is not a drill, Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc will end with chapter 80, after 7 years of serialization! 🎉✨ When *the last chapter* is announced, there's no turning back! No more sudden announcements of extensions! 🥹 But at the moment of writing this post, no mentions have been given about any "epilogue" or extra chapters that might be serialized in the upcoming months leading to the big release of volume 16 on April 1st!

On the translation side, I have to sigh in relief because no major misunderstandings happened in the ENG version, just some minor inaccuracies! I was kinda scared because this chapter is pretty important and complex in itself.

And let me say that what happened in this chapter 79 definitely marks the end of the climax, so I can totally see it ending in next chapter. The chapter tackled some very important thematics regarding the presence of "evil" in this series, that I will talk about extensively in my analysis.

The announcement today made me already a bit nostalgic and sad, but I want to strive hard to accompany myself and all of you towards the end of this arc with excitement and a smile, therefore I won't let myself be prey of the sadness yet and introduce you immediately to the gif of this month, because there's a lot we need to talk about and analyze and we can't waste time!!

This is entirely dedicated to our protagonist and heroine Sakura-chan, because damn, she really slayed this chapter!!! Under the cut to see what miracles she made happen!

The Color Page

My dear readers, after years of countless pleas on my social media, after being let down month after month, CLAMP FINALLY GRANTED ME A COLOR PAGE SOLELY DEDICATED TO KAITO AND AKIHO TOGETHER ON THE SECOND-TO-LAST CHAPTER!! Yaaaay!! Excuse me while I celebrate this event here in my little corner, especially after having a rough month! 🎉🎉🎉 I hope my followers thought of me when they saw it? Like "finally she'll stop asking for it" (breaking news, I'll keep asking for more even after the series is over) 😂 It took them 79 chapters to do so and honestly I'm laughing because....yes, I admit it, I expected another vibe for such an important color page coming after such an important emotional scene in chapter 78, but honestly the first thing I thought when I saw it was "....they had to wait 79 chapters for this? 😧" 😂because it's very very "regular", I think it would've been ok for this to come out long ago. LOL I'm being brutally honest here, I hope no one gets offended, especially because that pet peeve aside, OF COURSE I love this precious color page to bits, and I know under its "normalcy", its got a very important meaning to the both of them.

Akiho and Kaito are depicted together clearly during one of their travels....but the question is, is this from the past? Or the near future? I'd daresay they look the same age they are now, so this might probably be a foreshadowing for the future...? They'll keep travelling the world? But seeing the content of the chapter, this might also be just a call-back to their memories together and everything that they experienced during those travels, tightening their bond. Travelling the world is, after all, really their thing, their element. I really like Kaito's expression, with his usual smile that almost turns into a smirk, he gives off a vibe of being finally free to express his emotions. He looks carefree, and that's really something for him. Akiho, on the other hand, is always so much more expressive than him and you can literally feel the joy and excitement emanating from her delighted expression. Travelling with him makes her happy, so yes, should this be what awaits them in the finale, it's fine by me as long as they're happy (I'm rooting for the other option though, the "stay in Tomoeda with your newfound support network" route).

But as you know, I always have to analyze the color pages a bit deeper, especially when they're about these two. And since I had to keep myself distracted, I made a bit of research. Other than the "travelling" vibe, this illustration gives off also kind of a "vintage" vibe (which is another strong element to Akiho and Kaito). It seems Akiho is dressed in a sleeveless coat with cape and wearing a bonnet fully inspired by those worn by children in the second half of the 1800s, in the Victorian era.

(pic courtesy of Etsy) This is a model from 1896, for example. When I pinpointed the period, I immediately thought "uh, the Victorian era is also the period when Alice in Wonderland came out", although that was more towards the 1860s. I found it really interesting and a nice touch for this illustration with a retro flavor (the suitcase and purse also look kinda vintage).

But another thing that immediately caught my eyes were those cute birds landing on Kaito's shoulder and Akiho's bonnet. I immediately tried to look what kind of birds they are, and it seems like they could really be eastern bluebirds, typical of North America. Searching further, I found out that in several cultures bluebirds are harbinger of happiness and symbols of hope. I couldn't honestly have thought for a more fitting symbolism, for these two. Especially cause birds often are associated with an imagery of freedom, and this is something else that these two need, after being hunted by evil people for so long. They really do look free, in this color page. Also, the presence of the birds in this color page immediately brought me back to the color page of chapter 62, where we can see baby Kaito in a wintery setting, sitting on a lamppost, extending his little hand to a swallow coming to him. Swallows are a symbol of hope and bring a message of "spring is coming", and continuing from that message of hope, of "spring is coming for you too", we can finally see here in chapter 79 our Kaito with his true happiness, symbolized literally by the birds most associated with happiness. Another thing that caught my eyes is of course the lily depicted on the cover of the book Akiho is holding, a nice callback to Akiho's mother and Kaito's torment, Lilie. She's always going to be with them ❤️

The Japanese editorial text over the picture is an excerpt of what Momo was musing to herself in chapter 39, while imagining to talk to Kaito: "You traveled with her, and spent time together with her". I think CLAMP chose to feature this line to indicate an important thing that will be restored at the end of this chapter.

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

The chapter starts with a panel showing some light coming off Yukito's house, and we find out that even Touya fainted, exhausted by the effort to keep time stopped as much as possible. Ruby Moon is cradling his head on her lap trying to assist him and "recharge" his magical power, in hope to be able to maintain time "stopped" a bit more. In fact, if you notice, the "black covering" that symbolizes the time-stopping spell isn't completely destroyed yet, but only riddled with "holes", an indication that the spell is still somehow active, even if feebly. I imagine this might "slow down" the attacks, which are still coming but probably not at full speed like they would if the spell came undone completely. I have to point out immediately a mild inaccuracy in the ENG version, that I want to specify in order to dispel extreme theories before they're born: no, Ruby Moon didn't give up all of her powers to Touya, the verb used here is simply 補える, "can replenish (your magic)", not "give all".

Touya doesn't lose his sense of humor even in a dire situation like this, and comments sarcastically "What are you, a battery?", a clear recall to the whole "batteries" matter that came out in the un-rewritten world. Touya isn't supposed to remember about that, and he probably doesn't, but this is just a way from CLAMP to show that even in a situation where memories have been rewritten, some things will be unconsciously said again, because they're just meant to happen.

Ruby Moon calls for assistance from her "brother" Spinel Sun (love how even in these true forms, she still calls him "Suppy"), whom rejects the appellative of "battery" but agrees to give her a hand with "recharging" Touya to keep the spell up a bit longer. Everyone looks outside, only one thought in their minds, which is voiced clearly by a serious Tomoyo: "Sakura and everyone else are fighting with all they've got". I have to point out a typo here in the Japanese version (nothing serious, it can happen and will be surely fixed in the tankobon version): Tomoyo calls Sakura "Sakura-san". I loved the "sparkles" around Tomoyo's eyes, as if indicating that her extraordinary intuition is "at work" and just telling her that, even if they can't see them because they're quite far away, Sakura and the others are doing whatever they can to stop these attacks. And the fact they can see the attacks, but not their friends and their condition, must be really hard to witness, for all of them. But no worries, there's Touya nii-chan who's always ready to lighten the mood even in this challenging situation, joking that "If they don't get back before the curfew, they won't be getting their snacks tomorrow!". Here the ENG adds "squirt" to make Touya refer specifically to Sakura, but truth to be told, in the JP there's no subject, so he might be referring to everyone. It's amazing how he's able to keep his spirit up and be sarcastic even in this situation....he really believes in his little sister so much!

I'll Make Them Forget About You

Back where our heroes are, the attacks keep coming relentlessly, countered by Syaoran, Yue and Kero in tandem. Sakura reflects on the fact that the only transparent Cards she's got left are these two she's holding in her hands (Time and Rewind) and Flight. This statement leads me to believe that when Record transformed into that crystal that entered her, that meant that the Card completed its duty and disappeared inside of her. But Sakura isn't worried at all, because she knows that she can create more Cards. Yessss, this development that I've been anticipating since quite some time is finally here! ✨🎉 Sakura seems to finally have a concrete plan, but before proceeding, she needs to ascertain something. She asks directly to Kaito: "The people who are using these spells were trying to hurt you, right?". Kaito, with a pensive face, answers affirmatively.

But it's when Sakura asks again "Were they trying to hurt Akiho too?" that his expression turns really painful, the background after him portraying well his raging emotions and, while Mokona-sensei chose to leave Akiho hidden by Kaito's black wings in the previous panels, now she finally shows how both she and Kaito are holding onto eachother, while our boy answers with a "...Yes" dripping with sorrow. It really squeezed my heart with pain, this scene. Because as long as Sakura was asking about him, his expression was pensive but almost as if it's something he's used to, that didn't shake him too much. But when Sakura mentions Akiho, god, that wrecked him. Any mention, any reminescence of what those bastards did to her and how they were chasing after her to put their filthy hands on her again wrecks him even now, and it's like Mokona with her visual skills is showing how Kaito seems to be holding Akiho a little bit tighter, while he answers Sakura's question. I also have to point out something that I had noticed already from last chapter, but a panel tricked me into believing I was just seeing things: CLAMP here use a dark screentone for Kaito's eyes, that he never had before (actually, no other character in CCS got this effect in their eyes). This effect will be used on him for the entire chapter.

And it seems like it's the very same screentone that was used for the dragon. I think this might be an indication that the wings aren't the only reminescence of his dragon appearance!

Sakura shows once again an incredible empathy that allows her to go right to the heart of the issue without investigating much. If Kaito rewrote an entire world, and if it's true that Akiho in the previous world didn't have all the love and familiar support she's got now, it means that she was probably in danger too. And seeing as these people are attacking them now because they freed Kaito from his "punishment", Sakura doesn't really need much to make 2+2 and understand the situation. Sakura believes in Akiho, therefore she believes in Kaito too, and knows that if he came to this point it's because they were in a desperate and dangerous situation.

Showing an incredible insight, Sakura shocks both Kaito and Akiho by asking:

Sakura, JP: "In that case, can I make those people forget about you both?"

Because our girl needs to make sure that the plan she came up with won't have any undesired consequences. But most importantly, she needs to have their consent. She reiterates this once again, actually she will make sure to ask Kaito and Akiho's consent 3 times in total. She says: JP, lit. "If going back to before the world was rewritten will put you through hardships once again, then, can I just make them forget?" Kaito is even more shocked, because he finally understands Sakura's intent. A generous, selfless intent born from a loving heart. Our girl wants to make sure that these two will be safe and sound once she fixes this situation. She can't take risks, because their happiness is all she's really caring for right now. And in his shocked expression, I can also see some kind of "omg YES, PLEASE" vibe. Because probably, having those terrible people forgetting all about them is everything he ever wished, but couldn't achieve. And I think it's really funny how we berated Kaito so much in the past chapters for making Akiho and the others forget facts that happened before and forgetting about him, but here Sakura just takes "inspiration" from him and actually decides to use that same "trick" in the right way. Because it's not fair that it should be them, the abused people, to forget about their most important person, in order to achieve a happy life for at least one of them. It isn't fair and it isn't right that Kaito was driven into making all the mess that he made, pushed by desperation. The abusers, that clan and Association of magicians, should be the ones forgetting.

But this is Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card's finale, and Sakura definitely hasn't finished with being amazing yet, she actually just started. Her very strong power at this point allows her not only to see things that were difficult before, but also to connect the dots more easily thanks to that renowned instinct that I've always talked to you about, and that she learned to finally listen to.

As if she were seeing through him with X-rays, she confidently affirms that there's a book inside of him, a white book where you can inscribe magic on. And she also knows that that same book was inside Akiho, once. I guess this might be even coming from past memories of the unrewritten world (do you remember when, before the play started, Sakura said that she could feel something inside Akiho?). Akiho of course is shocked to hear that, and from her expression you can almost feel the chill that went down her spine in that moment. Sakura affirms that this book knows both Akiho and Kaito (thanks to the fact that it was inside both of them - something that I've always found painfully heartbreaking but also quite moving, for my ship), and it's got a very strong power inside of it. These will be two crucial things for Sakura's plan. In fact, our heroine is hellbent in attempting something pretty arduous: utilizing that artifact's power to create a new Card. For impartiality, I have to point out that the ENG added (completely on their whim) a "you, her special person" that isn't there in the JP version! Of course it's all the better for me, since they repeat (finally with the right adjective) that Kaito is Akiho's special person, but it's kinda funny that they messed it up so much in the previous chapters, and now they're adding it where there isn't any mention of it!

Sakura will be using a tool that knows the both of them, therefore she is sure that her plan will succeed, because the Card will know what it will need to erase. Sakura asks for Kaito and Akiho's agreement one last time. After hearing how those people wanted to hurt them both and even implanted the same magical artifact inside of her, Akiho is quite resolute and doesn't have any doubt: on with the wiping off! It doesn't matter who those people are, they've tried to harm her most important person and her too, so she doesn't really seem to give a damn about proceeding with this plan. Kaito, on the other hand, seems to be giving a more lackluster affirmative reply, but it's not that he's uncertain: he's just still riddled with guilt for all the mess that he's done, and he's probably realizing that now Sakura will need to put herself on the line in order to fix this and protect both of them, hence his sad face.

Still surfing the confidence wave, Sakura guesses that once those people have forgotten about Akiho and Kaito, then the magic arrows will stop too, and Kaito confirms that: forgetting about the person who had the Seal of D enforced on him will be equal to "undo" both the activation of the Seal itself (when Kaito removed the book from Akiho) and also the rescission of it (what Sakura did when she freed Kaito from the cage). This will therefore stop the arrows too, because the Seal wouldn't have been triggered in the first place. However, Kaito warns her that, although time is still barely "stopped" (because the time-stopping spell is still weakly on), it's necessary an enormous amount of power in order to do what Sakura wants to do. I have to point out another inaccuracy in the ENG translation in this part, which makes Kaito say "before things could get worse" and I have the feeling they misunderstood the word 辛うじて, "barely" or "narrowly", which is also written with the kanji of 辛い, "hard" or "tough". So Kaito isn't saying "before things could get worse" but actually meaning "although time is barely stopped".

Sakura doesn't seem to be scared by Kaito's warning, and activates her wand without a second thought, and immediately we can see that her task wil NOT be easy, as she can feel the strain almost right away.

Here we go with another inaccuracy of the ENG translation:

Sakura, ENG: "Great book, please show yourself! My power alone won't be enough...!" Sakura, JP: "The book....doesn't want to come out. (it's too difficult to pull it out) with just my power..."

Basically, Sakura isn't begging the book to "show itself", she's actually actively trying to pull it out of Kaito, and she's aware that it's opposing a lot of resistance, and her power alone isn't enough to take this damn book out. Sakura refuses to give up, because everyone else is doing their best too. Yes, everyone else.

And that's when CLAMP decided to bring us a big surprise for this finale.

A pair of hands seem to be appearing next to Sakura's, as if a spirit is hugging her from behind. We can see the famous fan that we learned to recognize so well ever since her first appearance in Movie 1. Sakura feels immediately the same magical power of Syaoran surrounding her, and with her instinct she finally recognizes her: it's Syaoran's mother, YELAN!!! We can see her, sweating and all, in her sacred chinese pavilion, lending her power to help in this difficult task.

What a great, welcome surprise for this finale!! You might have heard me saying on Twitter that Clear Card is really a celebration of motherhood, with this constant presence of mothers and mother figures who try to help these kids growing up without removing their right to choose for themselves. And since Yelan is the only mother figure who can concretely help Sakura in this moment, with her immense power, I really loved to see how this woman didn't hesitate to assist her future daugher in law. For any SyaoSaku fan, this scene here is a huge thing. We have seen in the anime how Yelan doted on Sakura ever since she met her in Movie 1, even before her own son realized his feelings for this girl. Yelan and Sakura haven't met in the manga yet (and hello, CLAMP, now this is a good chance for letting that happen, after the madness is over), but the woman didn't hesitate a moment to lend her power. I can really imagine how along these two will get, in the future. ❤️

Sakura thanks her aloud, while her eyes show that she's really really tired. Yelan's assistance is finally effective in summoning the artifact book out of Kaito, and we see again those countless book pages that we saw both when Akiho used to go "berserk", and also in the most heartbreaking scene of chapter 70. Kaito, still holding onto a worried Akiho, seems to suffer physically from this removal, and I can't understand if it's because removing something magical from inside is naturally painful (we've been shown something like that before, Syaoran crouching to the ground in pain while the Sakura Cards were being removed from inside of him) OR if the removal of the artifact also triggered his poor health conditions in which we left him, before he disappeared in chapter 70.

Sakura tries with all she's got and finally manages to turn the artifact into its "true form": a book filled with countless of spells written in strange magic runes.

You have spotted it, right? ☝️ I haven't seen many fandom reactions yet, but I guess this "cameo" made more than one person scream: it's Fay D. Fluorite's tattoo, yes! This page of the "book" is probably describing the procedure to cast that tattoo (which was also a kind of "seal", if I remember correctly). So that spells exists in this CCS world too! 😅 The magic Sakura is weaving starts "working" on the book, literally removing the spells from its pages and turning them back to their original form of magical books (remember that the Squids used to say that they would inscribe "magic books" and their power onto Akiho?).

Then, solemnly, we hear probably for the last time ever the magical incantation that accompanied us in the beginning of the story, used by Sakura to secure the strange manifestations of power into a transparent Card:

ENG: "Force without master, heed the call of my Staff of Dreams and become my power! SECURE!"

The countless of books and all this tremendous amount of power get secured into the birth of a new Card: BLANK!!!

Blank got the human appearance of Akiho, but also the protective wings of Kaito. The girl is holding a book (of course, how perfect for her) which is the representation of the artifact that was inside both Kaito and Akiho. This card is really so meaningful for someone like me who loves Akiho and Kaito. It's representing them united in their suffering (the artifact) but also in the hope for a better future (Akiho is smiling and the Card will be used to grant them safety, away from their abusers). I've always imagined that one of the last Cards Sakura might have produced would have Akiho and Kaito's elements, and here it is.

Also, how AWESOME is that Sakura managed to dispose of that damn artifact and succeeded to use it for Kaito and Akiho's sake, and turned it against the monsters who created it??? HOW. AWESOME. IS. THAT!!!!

Producing the very first consciously created transparent Card sucked almost all of Sakura's power and strength, and she's close to fainting, under the terrified eyes of Akiho, who lets go of Kaito for a moment in a gesture of going towards her "sister". But Sakura isn't done yet, no. She can't give up yet because her job isn't done.

And I Will Make Them Remember About You

Sakura wants for Akiho and the people who care about her (the ENG decided to translate this with "the people SHE holds dear") to remember who Akiho really is. She wants basically to "undo" what the rewriting of the world caused on the people who know Akiho, making them believe that she was born into the Kinomoto family and that she was Sakura and Touya's sister.

After pondering for a while and discussing with my friends over at my Discord server, I decided I'm not gonna go out on a limb and assume things from this decision, because I definitely NEED to read the next chapter to see how much Sakura intends people to remember, with this move. It's really not clear at all, as of now.

Anyway, other translation inaccuracy incoming!

Sakura, ENG: "I'm going to make another new card for that...and I might not have the power to do it alone" Sakura, JP: "It might probably be really difficult to create one more new card with my power, right now..."

As you can see, the nuance is different, because Sakura in the JP addresses how it's almost impossible for her to create another new card in the situation she is in right now, exhausted and all.

That's why, very cleverly, she's going to do something different. (My gosh how proud I am of this girl!!)

Saying "But these two Cards will surely help me", Sakura skillfully manages to merge Time and Rewind to create a new Card, not from scratch (which requires more power) but using what she's already got: and that's how the REMIND Card is born!!! The name of the Card originated by just replacing the "W" of Rewind with the "M" of Time. Ingenious, isn't it???

And as the two Cards merge, they give us lots of flashbacks, like the "effect" used here resembles a lot the one that used to happen when Sakura was changing the Clow Cards into the Sakura Cards back in the old arcs, or how the merging of two Cards seems to also be a callback to how the "card without name" and the "Nothing" merged to create HOPE in the very last minutes of Movie 2! What a nostalgic trip down the memories lane!

And the appearance of this Card is even more touching, because it features Syaoran (with his current age) holding Nadeshiko's pendant watch. I found that so sweet, especially coupled with Yelan's assistance to Sakura in this chapter. Yelan associated with Sakura, and Syaoran associated with Nadeshiko. How sweet. And when you think that even Lilie, Akiho's mother, was associated with Kaito, you really can realize that this is some kind of "theme" that CLAMP seemed to be wanting to portray in this story.

I Can't Be On Everyone's Side

And now, the scene that I think is worth the whole chapter, but probably the whole Clear Card Arc in its entirety. As usual, with important scenes, I'll use the literal translation from Japanese:

Sakura, JP: "It might not be right that there'll be people who will forget things (after this), but....I can't be everyone's friend/ally/can't be on everyone's side. So I won't go back...but actually, along with the people important to me... I WANT TO GO ON"

Wow. Let that sink in.

Sakura, of Cardcaptor Sakura, just came to the realization and spelled out clearly that she cannot be on everyone's side. That she cannot be "everyone's friend", like in a cheesy fairytale.

And I really, really, want to thank CLAMP-sensei for this scene and this line because for a period, long time ago, I was worried that this story would go down the "let's be friends" or "let's show sympathy to them" route. But as the chapters continued and the things CLAMP told us about the Association and the Squids were more and more cruel, and they made me more and more sick, I started to realize that there was simply no way CLAMP could've had Sakura try to justify or compromise with them. Because when cruelty is real, there's no compromise to be made.

This scene also shows how Sakura realizes for the first time ever that in her world, contrary to what we all believed previously, evil exists. It might not touch her or her "entourage" directly (and she's really blessed for that), but it exists out there and it's hurting people, people who can also become really important to her. And she decides to not stand idly by, blessed as she is with the luck of not experiencing that evilness, but actually using whatever it is in her power to bring those suffering people to safety.

Sakura cannot fight those people on equal terms. She's just 13, and although her power is very strong, she's still inexperienced. Moreover, she cannot really bring herself to deny her current nature and use violence on other human beings. That's not Sakura. I want you guys to reflect on this because I know that one of the favorite things expected for this finale was to have a direct magical confrontation with the true villains of this arc, defeating them and restablishing the peace. And I am sincere when I say that I would've wished for the same too, because you know how much I love Kaito and Akiho, and how much I was disgusted to read about what they did to them. I've spread my "burn the squids" gifs all over the fandom. I wanted someone to vindicate them. But not here. Not in this manga. I realized that after the initial satisfaction, I would've probably felt like the series would've been "defiled". And that's exactly what happens when you answer to violence with more violence.

Sakura just could not go hunting those bastards down and defeat them in a magical battle. Because, powerful and corrupted in their greed as they are, the only way to "fix" this situation would've been to exterminate them. I just could not picture this story to cross that boundary, no matter how much the bar had already been raised well over what we initially thought.

So, if someone out there is disappointed by this outcome, I'm sorry for you, but it was just not meant to be and I'm actually really glad that this series kept true to its fundamental values. Of course it would, CLAMP really do care about this series and they know very well how far to push the plot, and when to actually stop.

So what is the role of Akiho's clan and the Magic Association in this story, especially considering that we never saw their faces at all? Talking with lots of fans in these years, especially Japanese, I've come to the conclusion that they are not in this story to fill the "villain that needs to be deafeated" role, but actually they're a representation of abusive families that smother and suffocate their children with expectations, completely disregarding those children's natural inclinations, and abuse them when they do not meet such expectations, but also the society as a whole, that looks at you only basing on how it can take advantage of you. Which is exactly what happened to Akiho and Kaito, driving them to very dark places. The absence of faces for those characters makes it possible for the readers to see the Squids and the Association as the representation of whatever environment they relate the most to. It can be family, society, school, workplace etc... It also helps us focusing on their actions, rather than their faces, and not attribute any prejudice to them (because of religion, race, skin color, or whatever other attribute they could have).

Seeing as the story treats them more like a concept, than an actual entity, it's basically impossible for Sakura to defeat them (and their great power is an indication of that impossibility). Just like in real life, darkness will always exist, along with light. Good and evil will always be side by side. It's bigger than any of us. Then, what can we do, in a situation like this? What Sakura is choosing to do, here, is not to confront directly with violence these people who are way out of her league, and not even to sit back and look, but actually finding a way to make them forget about her friends and keeping her friends safe, granting them the possibility of living a happy life, finally away from the darkness of the past, healing the wounds on their souls together with the people they love and who love them back. Because even if you've been abused in the past, you can still hope for a happy life.

The focus here is all on helping the abused people. And Sakura, in order to do that, is okay with coming to terms with the fact that she can't be on everyone's side, and she needs to choose. In the end, the thing that really matters the most is to GO ON with your most important people. Not going back to what is lost, but going forward. And I know that this is such a CLAMP theme, and I'm glad that they reiterated it in this arc. When I say that Clear Card brought Sakura so much more closer to what's usual for CLAMP, I mean this.

The panel with Sakura raising her staff and shouting she wants to go on is absolutely beautiful, with those wings growing so big and unleashing Sakura's power in a storm of cherry blossom petals.

Sakura is exhausted, she finally reached her limit by using her ultimate magic. As she faints, her eyes just make it in time to catch a glimpse of her prince, the love of her life grabbing tightly his girlfriend's hand, to not let her fall, while the watch of Remind and the book of Blank do their job in the background. And I really loved this spread too, because even if it's not a conventional romantic scene made of physical display of love, this in my opinion is even more powerful. Many were reminded of Tsubasa, but I was also reminded of the long time those two spent unable to touch one another, and this scene here seems like a catharsis for that hardship they went through. Syaoran will always catch Sakura everytime she falls, he will always be there to grab her hand, no matter if he can really touch her or not. Cause his love is stronger than any kind of impediment. He will always be by her side, no matter what. When she's exhausted by her heroine's duties, she knows that she can always count on him to support her.

And speaking of "always be by her side", I just can't avoid mentioning how Akiho and Kaito stayed "glued" to eachother for the entire duration of this chapter, protecting and supporting one another. Kaito, in particular, kept holding Akiho even as Sakura's magic was hurting him like hell, because it was extracting the book from him. Even in excruciating pain, he did not let go of Akiho, intent in protecting her and keeping her safe in his hold. Akiho let go of him just for a moment when she was scared out of her mind for Sakura, but went back to him when she saw that her "sister" was hellbent in completing her task no matter what. Kaito, as the good "moon boy" he is, is someone who shows his feelings through his actions rather than words, just like Syaoran. And his constant grip on Akiho in this chapter, such an opposite act compared to how he used to stop his hand everytime it started reaching out to her, told me all that I needed to know about him: she's his most important person, and he will never let go of her, ever again.

Sakura wakes up in her bed. The scene is a direct parallel with an almost identical scene in chapter 3, as you can see here:

Kero is next to her and is relieved to see her awake, so he goes to shout in the hallway, directed to Touya, that Sakura is finally awake. Sakura seems a bit surprised to see Kero talking so nonchalantly with her brother, and he tells her that he chatted with him back at Yukito's house, together with Suppy, so I guess now he finds it "natural" to talk to her brother too! 😂 I'm kinda glad to know that, I like this "change of relationship", compared to the old series (and it was also kinda long overdue).

Sakura opens the palm of her hands and she finds the Dream Key, still intact and all. She also asks about Remind and Blank, and Kero confirms to her that she was able to use them successfully! Sakura is absolutely delighted to hear that, and says "We were able to go on!"

And thaaaaaaat's how the second-to-last chapter of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card ends! Solving a lot of the pending situations, but still leaving some secondary questions that will surely find a (more or less) detailed explanation in the final, next chapter. And well, we also have to prepare to not have ALL the answers to ALL the questions we might have. This is usual for CLAMP, and especially in their Spaces they never made it a secret that they love for their fans to wreck their brains over theories and imagining the characters' future after a series is over. They love for the fans to give their interpretations to things, they encourage that a lot (also because it creates more long-lasting engagement with their series).

Alas, I expect they'll leave something in particular to everyone's interpretation, but we'll see. 😅

Overall, I really loved this chapter and it was really emotional for me. I think it's fitting for a "climax". Sakura was ABSOLUTELY running the show and after this I dare anyone to say that she isn't the main character of her story. She pushed her limits, and even questioned her own morality in doing so. What a wonderful thing. She reminded me so much of Sakura-hime when she shooted all those monsters in order to take the precious egg, back in the Acid Tokyo arc of Tsubasa. She knew she was doing something bad, but her wish to do everything needed in order to "have him back" was stronger than anything else. And she made her own choice. Here, Sakura, on a smaller scale, made her own choice too.

Now, I hope in the last chapter we'll be granted the possibility to delve a bit more into Kaito and his thoughts, I need to see his character development, I need to see that he learned something from this. That he -at least- started to interrogate himself over the nature of his feelings for Akiho. I know it's reasonable to think that with him, things will take looooong time, but as least show me the signs. Because I need to know that Akiho will be truly happy with him (I know she will!), and she can only be if he's learned to be honest with himself. And learned what Lilie meant with the last conversation we saw between them.

Also, WHERE'S MOMO, I NEED TO SEE MOMO BEFORE THIS ENDS!!

Okay, this is probably the longest post I ever did but I think as the second-to-last chapter it deserved to have some big thematics explored in depth, because they're very important. I'm still pondering if I should divide the post of the final chapter in two because, in addition to even more pages, I expect there'll be soooooooooo much to talk about (cross your fingers with me that there won't be any translation mistake).

I also hope there'll be room for an epilogue or a couple of extra chapters, to help us coping with the separation in a more gradual way, cause after 7 years it's quite hard. I was curious to see the end, of course, but also not entirely ready to let this wonderful story go. I really, really enjoyed it and I say this from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what everyone else thinks, I can only be grateful to CLAMP for Clear Card Arc. 🙏

Chapter 80, along with all the tears that will come with it, is expected to be uploaded on November 29th on CLAMP's Youtube channel. Yes, it's less than a month away! I also expect some news about the anime (BLESS THE ANIME!! Something to cling onto when the manga is over 😭).

Well, see you at the end of November (please come to hold my hand cause I cannot do this alone, lol) !!!