#we have so much in common. i've never felt more accepted than when i've been around kink positive people

[lovelessrage]

Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

[alexthebordercollie]

Ford's autism

K so I don't think I need to defend the interpretation Ford is on the spectrum. People make jokes about him being autistic all the time. We all see it. What I want to do here is sort of connect together some character details and examine them through the lense of my own autistic experiences.

I wanna start with his hands. It's an observation I've seen from multiple people that Ford is insecure about his hands and often hides them behind his back or in his pockets. And yeah, he is obviously insecure about them. He even mentions his six fingers at times when they aren't really relevant to anything. It just showcases the space this physical deviation of his takes up in his mind. And yes, it makes sense that he's insecure about them because he was bullied for them growing up. I want to add to this observation.

Ford would have been bullied regardless.

The problem was never really his hands. When you're on the spectrum people around you can tell that you're weird. Uncanny. Something is different and feels wrong about you to NT people, especially kids. They will pick any shallow superficial thing they can find as an excuse to bully you and justify the sense of revulsion they feel around you but can't articulate. If Ford had been born with normal hands they just would have made fun of him for something else, it would have been his glasses, or the movies he liked, or hell maybe some good old-fashioned antisemitism. Literally, any excuse they could find.

I know growing up I tried for years to change the things about me that I was made fun of for and it never made things any better. The bullying never stopped. "Fixing" things about myself didn't work because the thing that was actually "broken" was something fundamental to who I am. That realization as a kid was soul-crushing. That there was nothing I could do that would ever make me "normal", that would ever make people like me. I felt like an alien born on the wrong planet.

Ford continues to latch onto his hands as a sore spot because they're something simple and obvious he can point to as an excuse for why he's so outcast. He probably knows by this point that the hands aren't actually the problem. I'd argue this journal entry and his comment about "another failed social interaction" shows that he's aware his hands aren't actually the problem. But, it is a lot easier to fixate on those than to dwell directly on that sinking feeling that at the core of you're being you are fundamentally weird, wrong, unlovable. Ford's a genius. If his polydactyly bothered him that much he could have removed the extra digits. The hands aren't the problem, they're a symbol of a more fundamental kind of pain.

Looking at it through this context also makes the gloves Fiddleford gives him an extra sweet gift given what they represent. A kind of wholehearted acceptance of who Ford is and even a willingness to adapt to his unique needs just to show him love and affection. I think something that hurts me so much about their relationship is that Ford had someone who very clearly loved him as is and would have never wanted him to be someone or something else, and Ford was too stubborn to fully appreciate that.

The same is true of Stanely by the by. He never had a problem with his brother being weird. Another relationship with someone who loved Ford as is but who Ford took for granted. He needs these kinds of relationships in his life. People who embrace and accept him for the weirdo he is. He needs them desperately, which gets me to my next point.

Ford's ego. So it's also a common observation that Ford has a massive ego. He's kind of an ass, to put it mildly. But I have had someone in conversation frame it like the pressure to prove themselves was just on Stanley and Ford just spent his whole life being hyped up and told he was hot shit. This isn't true, or at least it's a flattening of his experiences.

Ford was praised for his genius. This is true. But his own father only gave a shit when said genius showed signs of netting material gains for the family. It only mattered cause Ford could be useful. Furthermore, this genius never netted him social acceptance from his peers growing up. He was still a bullied, weirdo, loser most of his childhood. Add that seeing Stanley kicked out would have drilled into Ford's head that if he couldn't make something out of himself his family wouldn't want him either. Stan was an unspoken threat of what this family does to failures.

Gonna bring up my own personal experiences again. Having set the stage for how it feels growing up on the spectrum. That feeling of alienness that you can't really explain. I loved to write and draw from a very young age. Moreover, as I got older I realized that when I drew, people were nice to me. The only time I got social acceptance was when people were admiring or praising me for my art. So I did it more and more, I devoted myself feverishly to my art. I loved it anyway and would have hyper-fixated on it regardless but the positive reinforcement turned art from something I loved to a need. I NEEDED to be an artist. I needed to be the best at my school. I needed all eyes on my work because it was the only way I could make friends. The only way I could prove that I had value. That I deserved a place in society.

I see that in Ford. I see his ego not as shallow narcissism but as an overwhelming need to prove his value as a person. To be loved and accepted and believing that no one will want him if he isn't brilliant. If he doesn't change the world. If he isn't useful. This is also why he couldn't bring himself to destroy his research even knowing it was the safest and most responsible option. Burning down everything he worked for would mean finally giving up on the fantasy of ever being accepted or valuable.

The sad thing is he's so single-mindedly fixated on this personal goal of proving his worth to the world that when people do come along that love him unconditionally he takes them for granted. These people are statistical anomalies in his life. Nice to have around, but not enough to fix the bigger problem. They aren't reflective of society at large. They aren't enough to prove that he, personally, is loveable. Just that on occasion he meets another weirdo. For a while it's nice. Like a campfire in a barren tundra. But he has to keep moving, he can't stay. Warmer lands are ahead if he can just get to them. If he can just keep moving.

This also is why Ford was so susceptible to Bill. Bill told Ford what he wanted to hear. That he was destined for greatness. That, the fundamental wrongness he felt all his life was something incredible other people just couldn't see. Bill promised Ford exactly what he wanted, but not what he actually needed. Ford never needed the world at large to accept him. He just needed a few good people.

I also think his chemistry with Bill was connected to his autistic experiences as well. Bill is literally an alien. There's no pressure to mask around him. To try and "act normal". Ford can just be himself with Bill and not have to think about it. And sure, he could be himself around Fiddleford, but Fidds is still human. The anxieties of human social expectations are still present. Like when Fidds get him a gift for the holidays and Ford feels a bit guilty that it didn't even occur to him to do the same. He doesn't have to think about these social nuances with Bill.

That said I'm sure Bill isn't what his world would have considered neurotypical anyway. Not that Ford would know that. But Bill was also a strange freak in his own society. Just as outcast, possibly more so. I think Bill sees a bit of his own experiences reflected in Ford. I think he relates to him on a level. Not that he would ever admit it outright due to his own ego. I think Bill's fixation on him after the breakup also stems from Ford rejecting the path that Bill chose for himself. Bill still lives with some sort of deeply repressed guilt for what he did. Imagine how validating it would have been to see someone else like him burn their own world to the ground for the same reasons Bill did. But no, Ford's a better man than him, and Bill can't stand it.

Ok, I don't know how to end this long-ass monologue so I'm gonna call it here I guess. I just wanted to spill some thoughts of mine about Ford as a character. If anyone else wants to add to this with other examinations of Ford's character through this lense go right ahead. I'm just saying as an autistic person myself I understand every choice Ford made. I could relate to why he did the things he did even if I know those were mistakes and even acknowledging that he's kind of an asshole. Ford is a strange man who makes an eerie amount of sense to me.

[sparklemaia]

Heyyy!!

So I've recently read a lot of your comics about top surgery, and I really resonate with your experience (I haven't had it myself but I'd like to). I've recently been exploring my own gender and realising I might be non binary, but I guess I feel sort of an imposter in that I want to keep my name and pronouns (afab), despite feeling like I never got the memo about what a "woman" is, which I know is fine, but I guess I was wondering how the shift from your agab into realising you were nb felt?

Like, you seem to describe your gender as sort of unknowable and indefinable, and I guess that's sort of how I feel? I just want to be... More me. I guess what I'm really asking is, how would you define/feel about that shift into realising you were nonbinary, do you still feel connected to your agab, how do you reconcile the two?

Sorry for the long ask!

Hi, this is such a good question! I actually DO still feel pretty connected to my agab. I feel like I am a girl but also more than a girl but also not enough of a girl, simultaneously. (Weirdly, I never ever feel like a woman, and definitely not a man, but I do feel like an adult at least some of the time.) Top surgery was 100% the right decision for me; my body feels so much more correct and I am grateful every single day this procedure was accessible to me. (I was on a low dose of T for a year and a half too, and I basically just got biceps and a sliiiightly lower voice out of it. We stan.) I simply don't have strong feelings about how these things do or do not map onto gender identity or other people's perceptions of my gender. I am generally perceived as female, and that's fine! Like, close enough! I often feel somewhere BETWEEN cis and trans, or even between cis and nonbinary, and sometimes I joke that I'm just "nonbinary for insurance purposes." I mostly use she/her pronouns, although won't object to they/them. I like my "feminine" name -- I chose it myself years ago for reasons unrelated to gender and I have no plans to change it again. In terms of gender presentation I'm usually somewhere in the "tomboy femme" zone. Basically, I've been through a medical transition but not a social transition. Which is not very common, or at least I haven't seen much representation of it! (Be the bad trans representation you want to see in the world, i guess??)

Even though the words are often used interchangeably, I feel more alliance to genderqueer as a label than nonbinary, because nonbinary feels too clinical and "third checkbox"y to me, whereas genderqueer feels more expansive and undefinable and dynamic, with space for the ways in which I both am and am not performing girlhood correctly. When pressed to pick a gender word for myself, that one feels the closest. But if I'm filling out a government form or whatever? Yeah sure F is fine.

A lot of where I land with this stuff, though, is just kind of relaxing my grip on language. Top surgery was a relief, it helped me feel present in and connected to my body. Ultimately it doesn't matter much to me how much of that was *gender* dysphoria and how much of it was just... something I wanted, a way to make my body feel more like mine, to align my mental image of myself with the thing I had to stuff into clothes and walk around the city every day. I believe very strongly in bodily autonomy, and in making our lives as easy and comfortable and joyful as we can for ourselves, without needing to have a clean and tidy explanation for our choices. It is very possible to know with reasonable certainty that you want something, that it will be a net positive for your life, without being able to articulate, even to yourself, WHY you want it. It doesn't need to have a bigger meaning than ahh yes, this feels right. At this point in my life, I'm more invested in marveling at the sheer improbability of my own existence than in wedging myself into the taxonomy of known and acceptable gender narratives. I'm just a person, here for the merest twinkle of a moment in cosmic history, making soup and knitting baby hats and admiring bugs and singing off-key and cutting my own hair and doing my gosh darn best to light my tiny patch of night sky with stories so that you (and you, and you) feel less alone on your own journey through the unfurling dark. Gender is just such an inconsequential detail in the narrative of my life, and pretty open to reader interpretation anyway.

Not having to wear bras is pretty great though ngl

[ursemma]

"You're all that I need" Theodore Nott × f!reader

Pt 2

Summary: where Theodore realised you're all he needed but maybe it was little too late for that, or was it?

Warnings: angst ig

This is based on my favourite song CO2 by prateek kuhad!! Part two will come out shortly and better than this. I was in deep sleep while writing this so this is poorly written ik, sorry for that!!

"oh come on Theodore! You really can't treat me like someone you can have at any time you want without giving any labels to our relationship!!" I yelled at him as I shut the door of his dorm so that no one could here us.

It's been a repeating cycle for entire week.

He treats me like his gf and the next min he's flirting with random chick at Hogwarts.

Whenever I ask him about our status all he says is he needs time to figure out, to be himself and to know what he wants.

We've been seeing eachother (if you can say that) for almost 5 months and went without labels now it was too much for me.

"oh come on just give me a little more time please" he pleaded with teary eyes, and I can't help but look away.

"no Theodore not anymore, if you can't commit fully towards me, then you can't have me." With that I left his dorm, in hope that he would atleast try to stop me, stop me from running away, stop me from walking out his life, but no nothing happened.

The next morning I entered our common room and sat near pansy, who was reading a book.

Theodore and his friends sat exact opposite to us, and our eyes met.

Both of our eyes held the same emotions. desperation, desire, love, and heartbreak. One emotion was missing and that was acceptance.

Maybe we both haven't accepted it. So I guess there has to be a hope from both the sides right?

I swear to god if there was peace around us, we both could hear the literal words.

And maybe this is meant to be this way.

For us to be away.

I mean that's what happens in most of the love story right? The lover gets seperated because they weren't ready.

Ready for eachother, for the commitment, for the price they would've to pay.

After few minutes I saw him leaving the common room. Just like the day i left his dorm.

I'll be fine right? I mean I've experienced this beforehand.

I have dealt with people leaving me.

It won't caused much harm right?

Oh how wrong I was.

Theodore is like oxygen for me. I need him to breath, to survive, to live.

And without him I'm nothing.

I was walking down the corridor with Enzo by my side, we were laughing at his silly jokes and I felt someone's eyes boring into me.

I looked at my surroundings to see Theodore glaring at us.

Even if he never see it, he was all I needed, all I wanted. Not Enzo not anyone but him.

Maybe he won't see it now, but in future he will right?

I was deep in my thoughts, wondering why I love him? Why can't I get over him? Why do I need him? Why do I want him?

Maybe it's the silence in his eyes,

Or the deep red when he's shy,

Or the Mystery of our love,

All I need is the sign from stars above,

Maybe it's the way he breath in me,

Or it's the way he heals the girl in me,

Maybe it's the fragrance of his hair,

I just want to kiss him when he's there.

I shook my thoughts away as they were taking a different turn.

I just him all around me, but why can't he make it happen.

Why does he have to be so complicated.

I laid down on my bed thinking the possibilities of us. Will we ever happen? Or will we drift apart just like that?

[vipwinnie]

Love letters

Lorenzo Berkshire x reader

Summary : Someone keep sending you Love letters

Words : 1k

It all started a few weeks ago when I found a love letter in my locker.

This morning I opened my locker as usual to pick up my belongings, but I was surprised to find a love letter written for me.

My love,

I can't help thinking about you every day. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. Your beauty inside and out leaves me speechless. Every time I'm with you, I feel alive and happy. I just wanted you to know how much I love you and how important you are to me. I'm lucky to have you in my life and I can't wait to spend every moment with you. You're the person I've always been looking for, my soul mate. I love you more than anything in the world. With all my love

X

I couldn't help but smile as I read every sweet word and felt the delicate fragrance that emanated from it. The letter was not signed, which made the situation even more mysterious.

At first, I thought it was a joke from my friends, but when I looked closer, I realized that the letter was serious. My heart began to beat faster as I read the sweet words written on the letter. I was both moved and intrigued. Who could have written that letter? Is it someone I know? Or is he a secret admirer?

After you get your things back, you'll go to Hermione and tell her everything.

- Hi Hermione, you'll never guess what happened to me today.

_ Hi Y/N, what happened?

-I found a love letter in my locker this morning.

- A love letter? Oh wow, who wrote it?

-I have no idea. That's what makes it even more mysterious.

- What does the letter say?

-She was very sweet and romantic. She said how beautiful and smart I am and how much that person would like to spend more time with me.

- That's so romantic! But how are you going to find out who wrote the letter?

-I don't know yet, but I'll investigate. I'll look for clues and see if I can find people who are behaving strangely around me. Hermione: -You must be so romantic, a secret admirer. I'm sure you'll find out who he is.

-I hope so. But it's also kind of scary to think someone's looking at me without me knowing it.

- I understand. But I'm sure everything will be fine and you'll find out who that person is. In the meantime, enjoy the attention!

- Thank you, Hermione. I'll keep you apprised of my progress in the investigation.

So I went to my classroom .

The next morning you were once again going to get your belongings , and once again you had the joy of finding a letter .

Dear Y/N,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you how much I'm in love with you. Ever since the day I met you, I haven't stopped thinking about you. You have illuminated my life with your presence and you have become the most important person to me. I admire your beauty, your kindness, your intelligence and your strength. You inspire me to be a better person every day. I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and that I would do anything for you. If you accept my feelings, I promise to cherish you and take care of you for the rest of my life.

With all my love,

X

I then began to pay more attention to the people around me. I noticed a boy who always seemed to look at me in a strange way. It was a snake from my DADA class, Lorenzo I think. I started to wonder if he was writing me those letters. I began to observe him discreetly, looking for clues about his behavior and habits. He was sitting behind me in class.

And as the days went by I began to cross her gaze a lot whether it was in class or even in the big hall At first, it made me uncomfortable, but the more I saw him, the more I began to wonder why he was staring at me so much. As the days went by , I kept getting so many letters . One day, after class, I decided to talk to him. I approached him and asked him if he needed help with anything. He blushed a little and stuttered before telling me he just wanted to get to know each other. We started talking and I discovered that we had a lot in common. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship and maybe even a crush.

Dear Y/N

I can't hide my feelings for you anymore. Ever since I met you, you're the only person that matters to me. I think about you all the time, and every moment I spend with you is a moment of intense happiness. I wanted to write you this letter to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You're the most important person to me, and I can't imagine my life without you. I'd like to offer you something. If you don't mind, I'd like to set you up somewhere. I don't want to pressure you, but I really wish we could spend some time together, just you and me. If you say yes, I suggest you meet us this Saturday afternoon at 2:00 p. m. , underneath the tree by the lake. We could walk, talk and maybe even have a picnic together. I understand that you may have doubts or fears, but I want you to know that I will do anything for you. I look forward to seeing you Saturday afternoon.

I love you more than anything in the world.

with all my love

X

Oh, my God, that was a surprise. My secret admirer had just given an appointment. Were I going to go? Of course.

I waited all morning impatiently . Who could it be? asked you

When it was finally time, I didn’t waste a minute and left almost running towards the meeting place. I finally slow down when you get close to the place .

And there was Lorenzo Berkshire, the stytherin was near the tree, waiting for you

You're going to join him

He then explained to me that since the beginning of the year, he had feelings for me but he didn't dare tell me. The love letters were his way of showing me how much he cared about me. I was touched by his sincerity and realized that I had feelings for him, too. We started seeing each other and being together. 

[herefortheships]

Why do you think he fell in love with Lydia? see, it's much stronger than it was for Dolores, I'm not going to ask when because it would be complicated Bj and Lydia have such opposite personalities

Love this question! And to be honest, ever since I watched BJBJ I've been wondering about this. Because, to me, at least when I first watched the movie, I got to the conclusion that he must have fallen in love with her over the years; that he never had any true romantic inclinations towards Lydia in the first movie. So I had to wonder, what changed?

This answer got long... So I'll put a little summary, Tl;Dr answer here: I think there's an in-canon reason he fell for her and a meta reason why Tim Burton and co decided to make Betelgeuse be in love with Lydia in canon. The in-canon reason: Opposites attract. She is exactly his type: a dark, mysterious beauty. Plus her calm demeanor suits his unhinged nature. Their energies play nicely off each other, completing and balancing each other in a way no one else could, whether Lydia realizes it now or not. Lydia also never seemed to mind ugly, scary, dark things, and Betelgeuse is kind of all of that. At some point he grew fond of her and started needing this sweet, dark beauty in his (after)life. The meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse are a favorite "Burton Couple", almost right there with Jack and Sally, at least to a LOT of people.

Now to the long answer, because I totally always write a lot (below the read more cut bc this one got pretty long):

I think to properly answer why he fell in love with her, I do need to get into the when. And this is where I might have to put a "trigger warning" just in case, since I will touch upon how he felt towards Lydia in the first movie, when she was a teenager. Anyone uncomfortable with that needs to click away now. We're going to analyze this with the context and nuance of Betelgeuse's backstory. Context and nuance tend to be overlooked a LOT when the purity factions of fandom want to impose moral superiority upon other members of the fandom, so maybe placing the "trigger warning" may not be enough, but, anyway, you've been warned about the topics of this post.

The context and nuance: Betelgeuse, when alive, lived in the time of the bubonic plague, this means he was alive during the 1300s, presumably in Italy. At that time, marrying a 15-16 year old was socially acceptable and normal. Heck, even younger than that (as unacceptable as that seems to us today in our modern times). So it wasn't that strange as it is today. The reason is that people often didn't get to live past 30. The average, oldest age of death around the time was 60 years old. It was also common for men of the time (and where Betelgeuse lived in Italy, and Europe, as I’m reading in these articles) to marry much later than women, as in it was common for men in their 30s and 40s to marry a 14 year old (which I believe is even younger than Lydia was in that movie, not sure). All of that is in that article. That depends entirely on social ranking though; if he was lower class often people married for convenience and I'm not sure but I think age wasn't a factor to consider when people were struggling. In Europe even in the 1800s you'd see age gaps in marriages. //Edit: and America! For some reason my brain when I wrote this at midnight thought Poe was European 💀.// Edgar Allan Poe married a 13 year old when he was 27, for example (which I totally find super weird, personally, but at their time it wasn't a super weird thing as it is today, as far as I've read; it was also normal to marry a cousin around that time in the upper class and upper middle class, or so I've seen). Was Tim Burton aware? Who knows. But at least I'm putting this out there as the context why it isn't weird for Betelgeuse the character to see a teenager as someone of marrying age. We also know he didn't want to marry her in the first movie because he was in love with her; she was a means to an end, more than anything, regardless of any interest he had in her due to her looks etc.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way we can keep talking. Even though I joined the Beetlebabes fandom only after the second movie, and shipping these two characters never once crossed my mind throughout the years of me watching the first movie, after some thought and after rewatching the movie with the knowledge of where the story goes after the events of that movie, I can definitely see that Betelgeuse became interested in Lydia ever since the first movie, and also why he's head over heels for her in the present.

Even though I still think he fell in love over the years after the events of the first movie, I think he became smitten with her since the first movie. Here's why he fell for her: For starters, she is a dark and mysterious beauty, and that seems to be his type (look at Delores, also a dark beauty). We can actually see the moment he first shows interest in her in the first movie, when he saw her while in his snake form. She was the only one he did not hurt. He only stared at her, almost like he was taken aback by her. When Barbara banishes him back to the model, we have that little moment when he mentions he feels the only one he can make a deal with in that house is "Edgar Allan Poe's daughter", meaning Lydia. And we have the little horny joke, so if you wanna throw that one in there as evidence he became interested in her here, then sure you can. As this happens directly after he's seen Lydia face to face... Rember the context above before you want to call him a pdfler or something... please. He is Not.

Then later when she meets him in his real form, she doesn't seem startled or scared that she's in the presence of a demon/ghost. In fact, she just simply asks him "are you a ghost, too?" and that's when he starts making some conversation. He realizes she can see him and communicate with him. You can tell at this point he is intrigued by her. She is the only one he's shown a sort of sensitivity to in the entire movie. He asks her "why?" when she says she wants to go in to the after life (essentially, that she wants to di e). He doesn't try anything naughty with her; instead, next time he sees her when she asks for his help, he proposes the marriage.

Now, at the time I don't think he loved her or even cared much about her; at this time he just wanted out and here was an eligible woman, who was not only beautiful and available, she could also see him and needed his help, which he used as his way to try to get out of the afterlife. I think once they got rid of him, and he realized he could still connect with her over the years, his interest in her grew and he started really growing fond of her until inevitably he fell in love.

Lydia is physically his type, but there's also a calmness to her that plays against his unpredictable, unhinged personality. She's someone who can balance him, and he's someone she could hold on to; there's an energy in him that she can use. Of course Lydia doesn't yet see how she'd be compatible with someone like him, but from an outsider's perspective, they really compliment each other's personalities. She's calm and quiet; he's crazy and loud. She's reserved; he's outgoing. She's a dark cloud; he's high-energy, like sunshine. Etc. Opposites attract. 💚

Now finally, the meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse seem to be a favorite "Burton couple" not only to Tim Burton himself (and the cast of the movie themselves!) but also to a great number of people. There's people who grew up watching the Beetlejuice cartoon series and didn't even watch the first movie, who for years had the idea that these two characters actually adore each other. There were people who were going in to watch this movie with that context only. And there were even people who were going to watch the sequel as their introduction to Beetlejuice (like my mom's best friend, for example! She loved the sequel but has NEVER watched the first movie nor the cartoon. She also wanted Betelgeuse and Lydia to end up together after watching this one, by the way). From a meta perspective, Lydia and Betelgeuse are just a fan favorite couple and an inseparable pair. So partly the choice to make it canon that at least he is absolutely in love with her comes from this expectation that many people had for these two characters. It just feels natural; they're just an iconic Burton pair.

[mattyriddlesbitch]

Jasey Rae

Mattheo Riddle x Reader

Warnings: pure angst, nothing about this is fluffy

Lights out

I still hear the rain

These images have filled my head

Now keep my fingers from making mistakes

Tell my voice what it takes to speak up, speak up

And keep my conscious clean when I wake

Your relationship with Mattheo had almost always been kinda rocky. You had amazing days, and you had some pretty bad days. There were a lot of nasty fights, lots of yelling and name calling and insults. It wasn’t pretty. And each time Mattheo felt insanely guilty about it. He hated hurting you, he hated fighting with you. Especially when he knew he was the main cause of all the fights. 

And he’d eventually go back to you and apologize, and you could see the guilt on his face.

Don't make this easy

I want you to mean it, Jasey

(Say you mean it)

You're dressed to kill

I'm calling you out

(Don't waste your time on me)

He doesn’t want you to just accept his apology, though. He didn’t want you just to lie there and take all of his words like a kid getting scolded. He didn’t want you to just say “it’s okay.” after his apologies and hug him. Well, he did. But, his heart hurt every time you would just accept what happened and accept the apology and go back to normal.

Now there's an aching in my back

A sudden pain that says I lack

The common sense and confidence

To bring her hands to promises

That I'm making time for desperate conversation

Holding my knife could be better than this in the end

(Just say when)

He knew he was no good for you. He knew he caused too many arguments, he hurt you too much, he made you cry too much, he made you way too mad too much. Too much of it all. He felt like he hurt you more than he made you laugh or smile. He knew he should end it. He knew you wouldn’t. You didn’t want to give up on you and him. You held onto the good times too much. You held onto the small moments where everything felt perfect.

Don't make this easy

I want you to mean it, Jasey

(Say you mean it)

You're dressed to kill

I'm calling you out

(Don't waste your time on me)

He wanted you to yell and cry and curse him out, anything but accept his apology and forget the fight. He wanted you to be pissed and call him out for every little thing, tell him he’s being an asshole, tell him you deserve better. He hated hurting you and you just accepting it. He hated it, he hated the guilt and shame that came with it. He hated how his heart broke every time he had to comfort you because of his own stupid mistakes that hurt you. Why couldn’t you just call him out and end it with him?

I've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar

I've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire

I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire

But recently the flames are getting out of control

There’s times he forgets the guilt of hurting you. Like he forgets everything he did and just focuses on the moment with you when you are having a good time together. Like the beginning of your relationship where he would innocently flirt with you, not really expecting anything out of it. But you two just clicked. You had so much in common and he made you laugh and smile super easily and you would do the same for him. It all felt perfect for a little bit. Before the fights.

Call me a name, kill me with words

Forget about me, it's what I deserve

I was your chance to get out of this town

But I ditched the car and left you to

Wait outside

I hope the air will serve to remind you

That my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath

And my words are as timed as the beating in my chest

He needed you to actually acknowledge how bad he was for you. He needed you to get pissed at him and leave him for good. He did it when you were laying in your bed, talking about the future and he just couldn’t take it anymore. He knew he could never be in your future.

So he blew up like normal. He started an argument, telling you he didn’t want to be in your future, he didn’t love you, he didn’t want to get married and settle down. Not with you. Of course, you were angry and yelled back. In his rage, he ripped up a picture you had of the two of you and tossed the pieces onto the bed and stormed out. The guilt kept eating at him, but he was hoping you got the picture of how horrible he was for you. He hoped you wouldn’t come back for him. He hoped you would get mad and yell and curse at him the next time you saw him, if you ever did see him again.

He could take the rage from you. But he couldn’t take the guilt of hurting you anymore.

Taglist:

@jeannie-beannie @mixvchelle @helendeath @evaslytherpuff @leandre2006

@yours-truly-5 @hpnsfwaddict @mayamonroem @brittney-121 @leovaldezsbitch

@dracoslovergirl @littlemadamred @mattheoriddleluvbot @acornacreacure @opheliamalfoy236

@demieyesore @akira1246 @queenshu @prettypinkprincess15 @starryslytherin0

@jolly4holly @st0n3dbarbi3 @kurumbukaari @whydoireadanymore @sweet-afternoon

@ilovehpb0ys @princessluvssleep @satosugu4-ever @reys-letters @mattiesgirl

@alwayslatetothefandoms @satosugu4-ever @whydoireadanymore @reys-letters @mcdonaldshelppage

@shaquilles-0atmeal @feistyfox47 @gillyweeds @pluto-9456 @jooniebluesworld

@hereticdance @lxserriddle @cindyss @saint-marvel @atadoddinnit

@simpforromance @yours-truly-5 @kenjikishimotoswifey @fallingblackveils @simpforromance

@strxwberri-s @nickirae @esmerai-artemis

Let me know if you wanna be added!

[ladyantiheroine]

Rewatching Batman and Batman Returns back-to-back and it's just reminding me why I like Selina as a love interest better than Vicki.

I mean, anyone who follows me already knows I'm a batcat fan, and I don't find Vicki that compelling outside of the TellTale Games version of her. But even beyond my own preferences, Selina is just a better match for Bruce in the Burtonverse overall.

The problem with Vicki is that she's so distant from Bruce's world. Just as Bruce explains in Batman Returns, she couldn't reconcile the two parts of him; Bruce Wayne and Batman. She had "difficulty with his duality," to paraphrase Selina. Part of it is Bruce's unwillingness to open up to another person, but I never got the vibe that Vicki liked Bruce being Batman. When she discovers his identity, she says to him, "I've loved you since I met you, but I don't know what to think of all this." It seemed like she wanted him to just be a normal guy, which of course, he can't be. Even at the end of the movie, she seems to accept Bruce as Batman begrudgingly, as something to tolerate rather than understand.

(At the end of the movie, Alfred tells her that Bruce will be "a little bit late" and she responds with "I'm not a bit surprised." It's meant to be a cute jab, but to me it just seems like she's passively accepted that Bruce's alter ego will always take precedent over her, and that's not very romantic to me)

On top of that, their date scenes are kind of bland, they don't really get to know each other that well, and they don't seem to have much in common. Overall, Vicki is written like a stock love interest, a damsel in distress to scream until Batman saves her. There's not much glue keeping them together.

But Selina on the other hand? She knows what it's like to have a darker alter ago. She knows what it's like to be traumatized and hurt by the criminals of Gotham (Max Shrek and Penguin). She knows what it's like to be a freak. Bruce himself says so in their movie: they're the same, "split down the center." When she finds out Bruce is Batman, she's upset not because she can't reconcile the two halves of him (like Vicki) but because it puts them on opposite sides of the law ("Does this mean we have to start fighting?"). They are perfectly matched but kept apart by outside forces and conflicting priorities, rather than other than lack of communication and compatibility.

On top of that, Bruce and Selina have way more chemistry (bolstered by Keaton and Pfeiffer's performances). On their date, they talk deeply to each other, about their pasts and their desires. They seem to innately connect in a way I never felt with Vicki, who seems to beg Bruce to be normal while he seems borderline bored with her half the time. With Vicki, it's like he's acting out a script. With Selina, it's an organic spark.

Of course, Selina does end up leaving at the end of their story, because she's been pinned down by men for too long and needs to go off on her own. Unlike Vicki, she's not built for the normal "fairy tale castle" life. And because he loves her, Bruce follows the old truth that if you love someone, set them free.

But despite this ending, I buy the tragic love story of Bruce and Selina more than the straightforward Hollywood ending of Bruce and Vicki. The former felt like soulmates torn apart by circumstances, the latter felt like two people who were never going to work in the first place because they weren't compatible.

If you ask me, Vicki was just a stepping stone for Bruce on his way to Selina. She taught him a lesson: He needs someone who will understand him fully and join him in the night, not simply wait for him to return and act "normal" again.

The big difference is this: When the bat signal hits the sky, Vicki is going to stand back and worry.

But Selina Kyle? She's going to grab her whip and join Batman on the battle field by his side.

And at the end of the day, I'd much rather see a badass power couple working together as a team rather than a worried wife sitting at home while her husband goes off and saves the day.

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Thoughts on Scriddler?

This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up...

Firstly, you gotta understand that all that follows is a recollection of the fandom over the years, since 2015 to be exact. Speaking stickily Jonathan Crane fandom, Scriddler has always been the most popular ship for Scarecrow. I couldn't give ya a beginning to this, as even back then I found years old art for Scriddler circulating. Though, tumblr as a social media is where it blossomed.

When I first started this blog, I had my OC to develop and I was very self conscious and unknowingly putting myself through trauma via art school and a lack of disability accessibility. Not gonna get into that, but I was very vulnerable as well as impressionable.

I did NOT like Scriddler, almost detested it. It seemed like it was everywhere, and this was before tumblr had a decent way of blocking. Not that it would have helped, because for some reason i liked suffering. Felt like I deserved to be depressed. Took me a long time to realize blocking content actually made life better aslhkds

Anyways, even early on I had a lot of support, people wanted to know about my OC and cared, but I always felt like I played second fiddle to the holy of holy, Scriddler. And if you've read any of my recent posts, you know I've come to accept that just how it is with OCs. But that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share of anon hate, suicide threats, etc. The fandom was not always welcoming. Or perhaps there was just a minority who loved to abuse the anon function. (if you think there's a lot of drama today, you were not there when it was bad)

It took me a LONG time to grow to like Scriddler. I used to feel like they had very little in common, and it bothered me that most of the art was majorly sexual. That's a whole 'nother can of worms, but ya know. I don't hate Scriddler today, which should be obvious seeing as I reblog it now. Though, I like Hattercrow a tad more.

A lot of this was my own internal issues, though the fandoms penchant to take two males who never interact and ship them, suffice to say is alive and strong. Nicely enough however, there has been more "Scriddler" like content from comics. (I say this loosely, but they do interact quite a bite more than they did ten years ago)

Scriddler, and to a lesser, Hattercrow, is a ship you either love or hate. Except me. I kinda fall in the middle. Though I feel it's worth mentioning that Scarecrow has had his fair share of female/female presenting ships too, and as much as I hate to say it, they're generally disliked by the greater fandom. (or simply ignored) We all know why. I've mentioned this before. :/ and I've had close friends give up on their ships because of it. Just like me. I gave up. I hat admitting that, but I can't compete with Scriddler.

I wish there was a way to change that, but I wouldn't know were to start. That's why I try to support OCs for example, someones gotta do it. I can't let another person go through what I went though.

TL;DR: Sciddler is not a bad ship, I don't dislike it anymore, but don't think I'm not silently side eyeing the loud minority who shit on anyone for even thinking Jonathan could love a woman. Ya know, despite canon only showing evidence for that.

[nihilnovisubsole]

Because of your latest post: not sure if you’ve answered this before, but how does someone even entertain the idea of writing for the game dev industry? Did you start out on indie games or just write before and show them your work? Since it’s such a subjective field etc

if i have, it bears repeating! here's a rough timeline of what i did. never discount the value of luck and the kindness of friends

2016: i was doing a random freelance transcription job when i saw @theivorytowercrumbles post about writing for voltage. they reblogged the studio's open casting call for new writers. since it was so lenient - no experience, fanfic samples allowed - i applied. they hired me for their new project, but let me go after a trial period, citing that the tone of my writing was a bad fit for that game. i foundered for a while after that. i don't take rejection well. i started dangerous crowns to try to make money from writing some other way.

2017: one of voltage's producers reached out to me and said they'd started another project that i was a good fit for. she felt letting me go was a mistake and wanted to snap me back up. i said yes, i mean, are you kidding? so i started on reiner's route.

2018-2019: i kept at it. i took on diego's route. it occurred to me that i wasn't making very much money, but i liked my coworkers, and i was building my portfolio, so who cared? i also finished dangerous crowns, and a handful of people bought it, but certainly not enough to support myself or anything.

early 2020: between the pay and creative differences with voltage's team, it started to sink in that i needed to find other work. i applied to the few open game writer jobs i could find, but with only mobile romance in my portfolio, i got nowhere. i threw in dangerous crowns samples. i tried to network on twitter. i still never made it to the interview phase. i foundered for a while again.

late 2020: the voltage writers went on strike. i gave a statement to a journalist that one of obsidian's narrative designers noticed. we became acquaintances over it. another old friend of mine threw me a life raft in the form of a different contract, better paying, on a non-romance indie game. i took it gladly. i added a twine game to my portfolio, too. i kept applying. i got a few interviews, but something still didn't click.

2021: i finally accepted that i needed formal help. i did a portfolio workshop. i got resume coaching. the coach passed my name to a writer on the company of heroes team. they liked me! they also paid me more money than i'd ever seen in my life. at the same time, obsidian advertised a narrative job opening. i applied on a lark and let my ND pal know i was doing so. why not, right? college-new-vegas-fan me would want me to. they rejected me, but not before i passed their writing test and two interviews. i had nothing to lose at that point, so i told my ND pal that i was bummed. she gave me a golden piece of advice: "you came really close. try again."

2022: obsidian had another narrative opening. i threw myself at it. i was now going to annoy them into hiring me. since i was a known quantity from applying six months before, they had no qualms about interviewing me again. this time, it worked out, and i've been there ever since.

what's the common denominator here? i met people who thought i was all right and gave me a hand up when i needed it. the standard advice is to work with a community of your peers instead of trying to get your heroes to senpai-notice you. it's not that they don't care - they just have their own thing going on, and your peers could be the heroes of tomorrow if the right project comes along. i also found the portfolio was the end-all-be-all when it came to job hunting. i went through a grieving process with that! i'm not afraid to admit it. i wish studios had held my degree or dangerous crowns in higher regard, but i just had to make games in a wider variety of genres, and that was that.

one caveat: narrative is a really saturated field right now. a lot of people want to write, and there aren't many openings. it's not uncommon for big studios to get hundreds of applicants. larian probably got over a thousand for the job they posted recently. i feel awful saying that, because i don't want to discourage you, but i'd feel worse if i didn't let you know what you were getting into. if it's something you want, you should try! keep an open mind about the random projects you may find. you never know where they'll take you.

[daytaker]

NightBringer Satan is a Gift.

I understand everyone has their own opinions on how good/not good NB is as a game or a story or whatever, but in my opinion, Satan's characterization is soooo enhanced by it. I know that this isn't an opinion that everyone shares, but to me, Satan felt emotionally artificial sometimes in the original game (more on that below).* He felt kind of awkward and like he wanted to connect with MC but something was blocking the kind of connection they develop with some of the other brothers. (Disclaimer: I've only done season 1 of OG, so I can't speak to how he's characterized later on. I know, I know, shame. But I'm trying my best.) Getting to see what Satan is like when he doesn't have any control over his emotions makes the stiffness and artificiality make more sense to me, and they become admirable because we get to see just how hard it is for him to get everything under control.

I think they did a really good job with the pacing of his development in NB too. Satan in Lesson 1 and Satan in Lesson 19 are different, but there isn't a moment where he suddenly starts controlling his emotions better. I think there's a lot going on behind the scenes with him as far as his emotional growth and self control are concerned.

Also let's not forget some very important things about Satan that make him, IMO, one of the most interesting characters to work with as a writer:

Satan was never an angel; he had no fall from grace.

Satan was created from Lucifer's wrath---he is literally the product of trauma and self-mutilation.

Satan is significantly younger than his brothers.

He spent the first year of his life more or less trapped in a castle with his deeply emotionally wounded brothers.

He has a deep resentment towards Lucifer that sometimes defies reason---he wishes he didn't dedicate so much of his time and energy to him, but it's basically a compulsion.

He hates his deep association with Lucifer, and he hates that he has a lot in common with him.

And these lead me to some headcanons that live rent-free in my brain every day of my life.

Satan sees himself as a reminder of the Great Celestial War and everything his brothers lost in it, including Lilith.

He is divine retribution against Lucifer for his failure, for leading his brothers to failure, for letting his sister die.

He acts as a counterbalance to Lucifer's pride by bearing the weight of the shame that Lucifer can't fully accept now that he is the Avatar of Pride. Even if Lucifer pushes it out of his mind, Satan never forgets that he failed in the worst way possible.

His biggest aspiration is to become a full and complete person outside of any association he has with Lucifer. He feels like some sort of parasitic tumor that exists only in opposition to his brother, and he wants desperately to escape that role that he feels he was born into.

Anyway, Satan is great, hail Satan, all that good stuff. Did you know I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about Satan? I know, shocking. For more of my takes here's my fic about him (on AO3).

*I think Satan almost metaphorically represents certain elements of autism---emotions that don't come out the way you intend, masking and its limitations, hyperfixations that are barely under control. In Fandom Discourse(TM) there's sometimes a level of focus on more 'cutesy' autistic traits that we find endearing in characters, like social obliviousness and gleefully indulged hyperfixations. But emotional control, emotional masking, emotional seepage, emotional artificiality---these are also real and messy and often times they aren't cute and they're uncomfortable to see in yourself or in someone else. I really don't like diagnosing characters so I'm not about to claim Satan "is" autistic, but as someone who has been called essentially 'spectrum adjacent' by doctors, I relate to the awkwardness and the desire to appear normal despite knowing you're not and emotions spilling out in ugly ways---um. That got really long and personal.

[tippedarrows]

Together Forever (A MCSM Admin poly oneshot)

The sound of wind was pleasant to Fred - someone who enjoyed the finer and simpler things in life. Fred loved to watch sheep graze, plant wheat and talk to it, among other things as simple as that. His boyfriend on the other hand, Romeo, couldn't stand it.

Sitting there with Fred as they peered over the grassy flatlands together, he could feel his hands and feet twitch with his antsy behavior. Romeo preferred to do things by hand. "Not boring things ", as he would say - such as; banging swords against trees, the most insane rollercoasters he could create, and things like that. Romeo never understood how Fred could just.. relax and do nothing. This was so boring!

The pale man leaned back, propping his torso up with his hands in the grass as a bored puff escaped his lips. Romeo tapped his red sneakers together and hung his head back, allowing his hair to fall with it. Finally, his larger companion noticed his boredom and casted a red eyes glance his way.

Curiosity - Fred always had this innate curiosity that Romeo could get behind. That's what they had in common.

" Yes, Romeo? " Fred's gentle voice made the redhead blink, a small "uh.." trailing from his lips into silence. He was stunned for a moment, before he shook his head and looked away, humming. " I'm bored. Can't we do anything else besides.. bf- I don't know- sitting and doing nothing? " His voice held the slightest bit of agitation, the sound that made Fred just chuckle breathlessly. He loved the way Romeo stumbled over his words sometimes.

Fred sighed, a small accepting noise that made Romeo sit up straight with an excited interest. When Fred stood up, Romeo bounced up next to Fred and tilted his head up to look at his face. Fred was a bit defeated he couldn't enjoy his scenery, but Romeo would butt into his thoughts.

" It'll always be there! Let's go do something else! I've got myself an idea I've wanted to show you for a while. "

Fred loved his british-french partner, but sometimes he only liked to do things... he wanted to do. Luckily, Fred was a pushover for the people he loved, and didn't mind very much.

It wouldn't take long until the couple had traversed their way back to their lovely cabin, spruce, oak, and birch in all it's homestead glory. They had built it together! To represent each of them.

" Righty dighty! " Romeo spoke out, clapping his clawed hands together and a large grin spreading across his face. His sharp teeth exposed themselves, and Fred felt his heart flip for just a moment. " I've been working on something for a while now, and I think you. Will. Like it! " He annunciated his words, waggling his pointer finger at Fred. This made the blue man chuckle, tilting his head.

" You don't say? Well, then.. Show me what you've done. "

Fred would have no idea what Romeo would whip out when he declared his " ta-da! " So proud of himself when he whipped an egg from his pocket - a spawn egg of black and red. One that Fred hadn't seen yet. Ever since Romeo had gifted them their Admin Permissions, Romeo has been going wild with his creative process.

" Er.. Romeo? " Romeo tilted his head up, proud. " Yes, Fred? " " What.. exactly am I .. looking at.. ?"

Romeo blinked, leaning back and his grip on the egg faltering for a moment. Then, he gasped, seeming to understand that he forgot to explain this little surprise of his.

" Oh, yes! You see - I find that as of lately I've been quite bored. More than usual, so, I whipped up something to keep us all entertained! " Fred couldn't help but to raise a brow, crossing his arms slowly. He wasn't questioning Romeo, but he sounded a bit apprehensive when he spoke. Last time Romeo did something like this, he had retextured Fred's lovely pigs into.. Creepers!

" And that would be ..", Fred trailed off into a question. Romeo hummed, bringing the egg above his head. It was moments before he threw it to the ground with force, and Fred stumbled back, startled, when a loud hiss reached his ears.

Before him stood a black creature - several, gangly legs poking from the sides. Eight, Fred quickly deduced - mimicking amount of eyes on its face. Its eyes were red, glowing, and Fred felt himself shiver slightly.

" What -- what is that ?!" Fred was alarmed. This mob was obviously not going to be passive to others.

Romeo scoffed, waving off Fred's alarm. " Oh, don't get into a tizzy over it! I call it," Romeo's hands went up dramatically, pulling them apart slowly, " a spyder! " Fred stepped back, tilting his head. " Spider? " Romeo rolled his eyes. " No. Spyder - I said y, Fred, y. Fix your accent. "

Fred's light tension was lifted, chuckling nervously. It wouldn't stay that way for long, however, before Fred was jumping back again with a small yelp. An arrow whizzed past Romeo's head from behind, causing him to go completely still, and made contact with the spider. It let out a menacing hiss before keeling over into a puff of smoke, and Romeo threw his hands down in anger.

" XARA! " Romeo yelled. Fred let out a loud, much more carefree laugh this time. Romeo on the other hand would whip around to lock eyes with the assaulter.

There Xara stood, in all of her glowing green glory, on the roof of their home. She had her bow in her left hand, a narrowed look on her face as she kicked off of the wood. Her heels clacked when she pushed to the air, hovering down slowly towards the pair.

" I told you, Romeo, that if you decide to start creating more monstrosities, to leave us out of it. " Romeo spluttered, waving his hands in front of his face. " But - No! It even has a purpose! It drops string!! " Romeo clapped his hands together in a begging motion lips pursed. " I fixed what I got wrong last time! Why don't you like it still?"

Fred felt bad for the rising tension, clearing his throat gently and stepping forward. " No worries, Xara. It wasn't that bad, actually..! I thought it was just a bit.. " Fred trailed off, unable to find the words. Xara found them for him, putting a hand on her hip with a deadpanned " crawly " left her questioning lips.

Fred nodded. " Crawly! Not saying that's.. bad.. " Romeo simply scoffed, crossing his arms and turning his head away from them both.

" Why can't you just appreciate what I make, Xara? " Xara rolled her neon eyes, stepping up and planting her hand on Romeo's shoulder. " Shut up. "

Romeo opened his mouth to speak, object - yell at her even. Before he could, though, Fred stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend tightly. It made the redhead yelp and stand straight. He was crushed inside of that hug, lifted off of the ground with a lighthearted laugh.

" Romeo, relax! I'm sure she doesn't mean it that way. She's just too shy to say it to your face! " Xara gasped in response, reaching out to punch Fred in his arm. It made the big man laugh, Xara stressing out another " Shut up!" Only then did it click for Romeo, eyes widening and letting out a thoughtful 'oh' noise.

Fred's arms relaxed around Romeo then, easing him back to the ground in time for Romeo's frown to be replaced with a teasing smile.

" Xaraaaaaa, you love meee! " Xara's cheeks went a hue of a more vibrant green, stepping back with a defensive look on her face. " Don't - Romeo, do not- ! " Swiftly was she cut off by the shorter man colliding with her torso, wrapping his skinny arms around her broad build and pushing his face into her chest.

" Ohh, it's alright, Xaxa! I love you tooo!~ "

The mood swing was too intense for Xara, her blush growing fierce as she tried to pry Romeo off of her. " Don't call me that! Stop calling me that! " A second laugh joined Romeo's. In no time, Romeo was squeezed between Fred and Xara, wrapped up in Fred's large and fatty arms. Xara kicked and squirmed, unable to escape.

" Fred! " Fred tutted, shaking his head as he leaned down and put his face in her curly hair. " Come on, Xara, lighten up! He said he loved you. I love you too! " Xara would slow her squirming, slowly casting her glance away as her yells turned to flustered mumbles. Romeo chirped out a laugh, kicking his dangling feet.

" Yes, yes! Love and all that. " Romeo tilted his head up, pressing it back to Fred's chest to look up at him. " And you love me too. But I love it when you are cooking more! " Fred nearly dropped them, gasping softly as he put them both down firmly.

The sun was starting to set! How could he have lost track of time like this?

" Yes, dinner! " Fred quickly swerved around the two others, making his way towards the cabin. " I had a new soup planned out! I want you both to try it! "

Xara slowly turned fully, watching Fred walk away with a small sigh. " Okay, big guy. Fine. " She had began to walk after him, slowing down when she noticed Romeo wasn't behind her and up her ass like a needy dog. Xara looked over her shoulder at Romeo, who was simply starting at her - or past her - with a faraway look in his eyes.

" Rome? " She called to him. That sweet nickname.

Romeo perked up, blinking. Xara awkwardly scratched the back of her head. " You coming? " Romeo took a breath, giving her an oddly weak wave and nod. " Yes, in a moment. I'll.. I'll be right there, My Love! " The woman sighed, shaking her head as she turned back around with a dismissive " whatever. "

The first admin put his gangly fingers together over his chest, clenching his sharp jaw at the palpitation in his chest.

He hated mundane tasks, just as he hated to be left out of things. He hated and loved all sorts of things with a misunderstood passion, but this was was a different feeling. It was like his heart was being gripped in Xara's unforgiving fist, wringing him of his emotions. Romeo felt this sometimes - this overwhelming feeling that had him shaking.

Many things were unsure in Romeo's mind, his insecurities guiding him most of the time. This, though.. the feeling of overwhelming adoration and love.. He could never, ever, lose them. They could never go anywhere when it's just them.

Just them in this world, and they were beautifully crafted for one another. Romeo didn't have to worry about anyone else taking away his beloved.

A shaky sigh escaped Romeo as he began to float from the ground, drifting forward gently towards the warmly illuminated cabin.

This has to be what love feels like. It feels like the sound of Xara and Fred's laughter in the kitchen. The sound of Waffles clucking in alarm when Fred dropped something. The cold of the night being fought away by the warmth of the torches on their front porch.

They did what no one else could - Romeo, for once, felt as if he was made out of their love.

[dgcatanisiri]

I've seen it said on occasion that it was a refreshing change to have the Inquisitor be unable to persuade and change the minds of the characters around them, that the characters felt "more real" that a brief conversation shouldn't change their entire worldview.

This is bull.

First of all, no one asked for their entire worldview to change, just that they GIVE a little - argue with Vivienne about the merits of mage freedom, be able to point out that fear is learned as much as anything, that the fear of mages has been taught because mages are not allowed to be part of the world that the common folk experience, or even that her view of magic is not shared BECAUSE it comes from so lofty a position in society, as she is a First Enchanter, leader of the Loyalists, mistress to the head of the Council of Heralds. Or, here's one of my personal favorites, the vote to break away from the Circles may have passed by a narrow margin, but it still PASSED, and if Fiona had refused to accept that, she'd have faced a hundred minor revolts instead of a singular organized one, which would have meant that the few who went around, burniating the countryside, would be seen as representative of them all, while have an organized structure to the rebellion allowed them the ability to disavow bad actors.

It's asking Sera to acknowledge that there's more nuance than her definitions of the world offer, or countering to Cassandra that, particularly if she intends to take a position of top authority in the Chantry, she needs to be able to look beyond its dogma and realize that to those who follow a separate faith, the Chant of Light is a herald of death, an omen of doom, because it refuses to allow any who follow a separate faith. It's telling Solas that the Dalish have been forced to build their history from tattered scraps, and rather than condemn them for what they lack, he should acknowledge and appreciate what they've recovered with no more than a vague notion of what the original picture looked like.

Y'know, it's asking to be able to actually ARGUE with these characters, rather than be lectured to by them about how THEIR views are the only proper way to view things, even if those views fly in the face of our experiences as the players, or even just how we roleplay a singular character. BioWare tries to talk up a stance of grey morality and a desire for the answers to be more than black and white, yet here in Inquisition, you ONLY get their stance, and, if you don't agree with it, you are dismissed - which also causes a lot of problems with something like the approval metric, where if you DON'T agree with a character, you'll never manage to unlock their full content - I am generally rolling a male Qunari Inquisitor, and yet I have, in over a dozen characters, only ONCE managed to obtain the rooftop cookies scene with Sera. If you don't get these scenes of character development, then you don't get to have a full view of a character.

And then there's the second and bigger issue - With most of the characters being various flavors of Andrastrian, with most if not all of them buying in to the narrative of the Inquisitor as the Herald of Andraste, a position that is borderline messianic within their religion, why do they NOT listen to the words that the Inquisitor says? If Skyhold becomes a place of pilgrimage as Cassandra notes in the arrival at Skyhold scene, if the Inquisitor is a voice of authority in Thedas like everything the game tells us, why SHOULDN'T their words carry weight, especially with the people closest to them? Why is the Inquisitor NOT persuasive to the people who know them when they believe through much of the game that they have been touched by a divine figure?

It doesn't make sense for the Inquisitor to lack in persuasive ability when the whole game is about how they have become a powerful voice and figure within the world.

So, no. It is NOT a good thing that the characters effectively brush off any attempt that the Inquisitor makes to argue with their stances.

[uncommon-lamp]

Ok so I'm no philosopher.

Today I was sitting at my campus and I saw a woman, dressed in a power suit with her makeup and hair done with her shoes and socks off in the grass. That's a little odd, I thought to myself, normally grass-enjoyers are more of the "crunchy granola" type (I live in California). And I realized that I hadn't had my bare feet in the grass since I was a young child. Why? It wasn't socially common. But here I was, seeing this very professional looking woman enjoying the tactile pleasure of the natural world. "That's a good idea" I said to her, feeling a bit bolder than usual.

So I took my shoes and socks off and walked around in the grass. And it was delightful. And it was the best I felt in days. And I realized that I never would have had that delight if it weren't for this lovely woman who showed me, silently, passively, that she wanted to feel grass beneath her feet.

And it made me think about how we as a species lead by example. We aren't a hive mind, obviously. We have free will, but so much of what we do is informed by our peers. How we look to other. What's acceptable. What's expected. What's normal.

And it made me think... Of everything. Every time I've realized I want food when my friends do. Every time I've danced while at a party when there are others willing to do the same. Every time I've been the second person to laugh or talk or cry. Every time I've offered money to the homeless after seeing someone else do so first. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to be the only one.

And I think that maybe the one of the many reasons we have "i-pad kids" is because they're not being lead by example. We're on our phones, so are they. They don't know the pleasure of reading because we don't give them a reason to wonder.

The reason we may not have as much empathy and sympathy is because we're not used to showing it. The reason we have trouble talking about our feelings and wants and needs in social spaces is because we don't want to be the first one.

Because kindness begets kindness. Or, at least, interest begets interest, and when there's interest, there's a possibility for change. Inertia is the killer.

So read in public, read to your children, teach kids how to act and be around others. Foster empathy, charity, humility, tell people, especially kids, why it's important. Make it normal to be a nice person for the sake of it. Be public, smile at people, say hello to people, be yourself. Just be.

You might be the reason someone feels the grass beneath their feet, and smiles at you and wonders why they took so long to realize they wanted to.

That's how I want to live, anyway.

[positivelyadhd]

hello!! I have returned with another random thought about ADHD/neurodiversity that I feel like I've known for ages but never really had the words for it so! this is partially an infodump because I can't shut up but also if you don't mind reading my long ramble on the relationship between ND people and online spaces I would love to know your opinion because I haven't seen many people talking this?

I have written a long rambly thought dump that I'll put under the cut if you want to know the details but the TLDR is: I think something about the internet is just a lot more suited to ND people and gives us more of a place to unmask than the real world does? in my experience, the more online I was the more unmasked and happy in myself I was but when I started masking to fit in in the real world I kind of,, lost that?

I've always felt there's a very strong link between neurodivergent people and social media and well tend to gravitate towards each other (which I adore and would love to write an essay about one day when I can function better! I wanted to study it for my dissertation at uni but there wasn't really enough to go on sadly </3)

but I've also been thinking about masking and I just realised,,, in my own life at least, I feel like online I naturally unmask? and I don't know if that's because I'm around neurodivergent people online more often and them unmasking makes me feel safe to unmask or if it has more to do with the way social interactions are inherently different online (I always feel there's less room to overthink/it's less draining. I only have to think about my words rather than body language/expression/volume/how the other person is responding ect ect)?

I have been chronically online since I was about 12 and that has shaped me as a person very much (and saved me too <33) but I always felt more able to unmask online and was also more likely to actually be rewarded for it? by meeting other neurodivergent people that would talk about The Thing We Love!!

I met my best friends online and they all happen to be neurodivergent (although we didn't know at the time!) and I know this is a very common experience for neurodivergent people! and it's partly why I think the internet is so wonderful!

when I was younger I had a fanpage on Instagram that got more followers than it should've given how young I was and I'd become a part of a community I was so happy and safe in which kind of,, made up for the fact I didn't have that at all in school?

I have been having the usual quarter life crisis recently and a lot of that is because in those few years I had no friends but an online space I loved I was so sure of myself and my identity I think because I had a space I could unmask freely? I also wasn't very good at masking at school so I struggled to fit in but I was happier knowing I could be myself then trying to force myself to be something I wasn't?

eventually I did make friends irl who I adore but around that time is when I started to lose who I was, I hadn't realised until just now that the time I started fitting in with other people was the same time I stopped doing the things I loved and ended up so burned out most everyday tasks are overwhelming?

also like I see a lot of people say, getting my diagnosis taught me to start understanding how to accept myself and it changed my life for the better! my school didn't do anything to support me but I learnt a lot about myself and started to understand that I am,, different to neurotypical people and that's okay!! however,, back then the neurodoversity movement was nowhere near as great and listened to as it is now so I feel like I almost,, gave up? felt like I'd been told by the external world so many times that I had to mask that I learnt how to?

i think unconsciously I started masking instead of trying to grow towards self acceptance like I was before. but with the way the wider world is talking about neurodiversity now I feel like the whole concept of unmasking is more acceptable now? also I am an adult that can make my own decisions not a 13 year old that has teachers and other 13 year olds so I don't have to deal with people not accepting me the way I did when I was younger?

idk if that makes any sense but I have many thoughts about masking ! thank you for reading <3

[theoutcastwrites]

I finally did it. Here are some Genshin-style voicelines I wrote for my Genshin OC, Eir, for whom I will soon make a separate post detailing her backstory and the like.

Eir

A hardworking nurse of Bimarstan. Though her past is shrouded in mystery to most, it takes no more than a careful look to see that her shadow takes the form of a long fallen kingdom.

Hello

My name is Eir. I've been told a lot about you... By whom? Oh, it doesn't matter. If you ever need me, feel free to find me at Bimarstan. I'll be happy to lend a helping hand.

Chat: Work.

I hope I won't have any more patients today... For their sakes.

Chat: Scars

My scars? No, they don't bother me anymore, you need not worry. I can't imagine myself without them now; how I got them is a story for another time. Let's not waste time, alright?

Chat: Wood carving

Say, would you like me to carve something for you? I'll make it small, so that you may easily keep it in your pocket... What? You have a realm that can be accessed through a teapot? That's... Would you happen to have spare cedar wood there? I'll get straight to work.

When It Rains

Oh, not now... Come on, let's find shelter.

When Thunder Strikes

I have heard that Inazumans find comfort in the thunder, as it is a sign that their Archon is watching over them... Hmph. Elsewhere, this was a signal for catastrophe.

When It Snows

Make "snow angels"? Ah, that... No, sorry. I suppose I'm far too old for something like that.

When The Sun Is Out

The world has never looked more beautiful. Come on, let's head outside.

In The Desert

Do you think we could go back? I don't really- ah, nevermind.

Good Morning

I hope you slept well. There's some coffee on the table; drink some, you'll feel energized. As for me, I've got to get ready for work. I'll see you in the evening, alright?

Good Afternoon

Let's have lunch together. I know just the place.

Good Evening

You're here! How sweet of you to wait for me. Come on, I'll make us dinner - it's an old recipe.

Goodnight

Thank you for being with me today. It's less lonely with you by my side. Now, feel free to sleep here. I promise my bed is comfortable. Hm? No, I don't mind, I don't sleep anyway... H-Hey, just not that side, alright?

About Eir: Curse

I can feel my mind eroding. It's terrifying, is it not? One day, I will be turned into an empty shell of myself, every inch of my identity replaced by my curse. Sometimes, I wonder what they felt in their last moments. Did they know that they were being turned into monsters, doomed to wander Teyvat for all eternity?

About Eir: Letting Go

Some people can't be kept in your life forever, no matter how much you may wish otherwise. Be it fate or that person's will, there is always something that gets in the way. I've learned not to have too much hope, and yet...

About Us: Odd Ones Out

Most people in Sumeru accept me as one of their own, yet I can feel them staring at me, as if I'm this strange, wounded kitten... I suppose you and I have that in common, hm? We stand out, without even having to try.

About Us: Loss

You needn't hide your pain from me. I know, better than most, how it feels to lose everything you love. I know. You deserve to feel angry. However, I believe that you will be reunited with your sibling sooner than later. As for myself, I don't expect too much. Worry for yourself first and foremost, alright?

About the Vision

Of course you'd notice. No, I'm not proud of it. Do I have reason to be? Celestia took everything from me, only to give me this piece of junk afterwards. If the day ever comes that I start using this Vision, just know that my curse has consumed my consciousness.

Something to Share

Take it slow. Appreciate the journey while it lasts; you never know when it may end.

Interesting Things

Say, have you noticed a little fairy running around Sumeru City these days? Short, pale, wearing a green dress? No? How strange. I could have sworn she was watching us earlier today.

About Dainsleif: Longing

Have you seen him recently? No? I figured. He comes and goes as he pleases. The next time you see him, tell him to take care. It's only a matter of time before he hurts himself, you know how he is... And, please, tell him that the swan misses her knight. I need him to know.

About Dainsleif: Memories

If I am fated to live a century more, then I will forget the days I spent with him, reminiscing what little we remembered of our past lives. Does that thought haunt him as it haunts me?

About Kaveh: First Meeting

Actually, I first met Kaveh when he was a student in the Akademiya. Funny, right? I have always looked the same, but back then, Kaveh had quite the baby face, only made worse by his luscious blonde hair, which he often wore in a braid. He was adorable. Don't tell him I said this though - he'll never talk to me again.

About Kaveh: Gifts

Kaveh once expressed that he wanted some wooden sculptures in his home, so I took it upon myself to make one for him: a tall lion with its mouth open in a roar. You don't want to know how long that one took to complete, believe me. Anyway, Kaveh would not stop showering me with praise and affection after receiving his gift. He teared up, too; I swear, he was wiping at his eyes for a moment there. Heh, maybe I should make something better next time. How would he react then?

About Albedo

Rhinedottir gave him a mission that is nigh impossible to complete and left his life without a trace. This is surprising to nobody. Is there a single person in this world she hasn't abandoned?

About Nilou

A few years ago, Nilou was taken to Bimarstan because she had sprained her ankle while preparing for a show. She was in tears, the poor thing. I could guess the sort of thoughts that were running through her head so, out of pity, I made an exception and used alchemy to heal her injury. I shouldn't have, though. What if something went wrong? Luckily, Nilou recovered within a day. She was so overjoyed that she jumped up from her bed to hug me, haha... I've been going to all of her shows ever since. There is a special air about her that awakens a person's most deeply buried feelings.

About Faruzan

It is nice to know that she has remained the same after a hundred years. Anyone else would have crumbled under the pressure of adapting to a new life, but not Faruzan. She was always such a bright child... Hm? Oh, no, I'm never calling her Madam Faruzan. In her dreams.

About Rhinedottir

I don't know how to feel about her. On one hand, I can understand that Rhinedottir is the sort of person who will do the unthinkable when she's been cornered, yet... What could push a person to betray their homeland? I'm not sure. But I'm still bitter. She was the closest thing I had to a mother, and she knew that, too. Did it cross her mind when she chose power over loyalty?

More About Eir I

What else do you want to know? I have forgotten most of my past and the present is quite mundane. If you think I'm hiding something, then you're mistaken. I just have nothing more to share.

More About Eir II

Well, if you really want to know more... When I was still a novice under Rhinedottir's care, I tried to create a small pet using what little knowledge of alchemy I had. As one would expect, my attempt was a miserable one. I'd managed to create a cat, but it didn't have a mouth, and its fur was all multicolored and spiky. I really tried hard to save it, you know, maybe find a way to make its existence more comfortable, but the pet simply didn't function as it should have. The poor thing died within two days, and I never got too cocky in my abilities again. It was a humbling experience.

More About Eir III

Seeing this city for the first time after the cataclysm felt insulting. How was it possible that the people here could be at so much peace, while I experienced unimaginable suffering just across the Wall of Samiel? I resented the locals and, for a time, refused any help they offered. I felt like Celestia simply wasn't done taunting me. I was right for assuming so - a Khaenri'ahn can never find peace in this world.

More About Eir IV

Attachment comes with the risk of being abandoned. This is something that Celestia will never let me forget. Even if I were to start praying to the Dendro God, I would still wind up all alone.

More About Eir V

You can never go back to the past. I know this better than most, and the Abyss Order should know it too... Yet they pursue their dream of reviving our fallen kingdom, blind to their own folly... Maybe you could be the one to stop them.

Eir's Hobbies

Eating lokum after a long day of work while watching the sun set from my kitchen window is the perfect way to end the day.

Eir's Troubles

I do hope he's doing okay...

Favorite Food

Shawarma. You can never really go wrong with that.

Least Favorite Food

I'm not picky, so I'll eat anything I'm offered.

Receiving a Gift I

This is sublime... Can you teach me to make this?

Receiving a Gift II

Not what I was expecting, but it's good!

Receiving a Gift III

Oh! Ah, do you mind if I finish this at home? I'm not really hungry right now.

Birthday

Make a wish. Come on, don't be shy - you don't need to tell me what you wished for. Just think about what you want the most, and then blow out the candles. Your wish will come true as long as you truly want it, I promise.