#we have class about marriage its so funny

[merlinssassybeard]

'Ex' husband Gojo - The Aftermath- 02

Tags- smut, angst, cheating, TW seizures, bad mental health of reader

Synopsis- The events of the fateful night of Christmas...

The Aftermath- 01 // series masterlist

24th December, 2016

"Hey y/n! Wanna get some drinks on Christmas? If you don't have any plans! Or are you too busy for us 'poor people'! Haha!". Your friends have called and they joked.

You come from a very lower middle class family. Raised by your grandmother and elder sister(by six years) due to your parents being absent.

It was difficult, you grew up watching your grandmother working at an age where she should be enjoying life and your sister when she should be studying. You grew up knowing what's it like to have nothing.

With a decent education, you and your sister started supporting your grandmother with a decent corporate job until your sister got married to her co-worker.

It was just you, helping financially your grandmother with her medical bills while saving up enough for a decent enough wedding dress to follow your sister's path, where you marry an average man like she did, have kids, take care of your children and man and thats it.

An average life.

But you wanted more.

You prayed. Day and night for an extraordinary life, a life memorable and not like your sister's.

You wanted more from life.

And the Gods heard your prayer.

Your whole life changed when you became an essential part of Japan's prolific Aristocratic family.

The news was everywhere. Its a rags to riches, The modern Cinderella story in everyone's eyes.

It was beautiful.

It was memorable, everything you wanted..

Until it wasn't...

"Uh.. yes i am free.", it felt so different, talking to people you worked with after so long. "What's the timing?", you asked.

"25th, 7pm! At the usual place. Also y/n! Could you maybe bring your husband! I mean we would all love to meet Mr Gojo! He's so funny! Only if Mr Gojo is free that is!"

Ah yes. Mr Gojo, the funny, entertaining Mr Gojo. He has met your friends from work enough times to make an image of the grounded but arrogant, funny rich guy.

"Oh! He-he isn't home. He's quite busy. Maybe next time, i will bring him!", you managed as if there will be a next time!

"Oh(disappointed) , nevermind then. Send my regards to Mr Gojo. And you do not forget to come y/n!"

"Yeah".

You wanted to go out, outside and away from this house of memories, with Satoru, that trapped you. You wanted to breath fresh air and move on.

Move on?

How could you move on?

The fact that you were 3 months in your pregnancy after 4 years of marriage. But you failed to carry the child. You failed to maintain the marriage with the person you love. And you're talking about moving on when its just 2 months?

How cruel y/n, how cruel...

25th December, 2016 || 6.45pm

You got dressed up in a simple black turtleneck, jeans, an overcoat and knee high boots with a woolen cap on.

A thick layer of concealer was enough to hide the under eye dark circles. You put on a red lipstick and went out.

The staff stared at you, secretly though, but nonetheless they stared and judged you.

'Is Lady y/n really pregnant?' One said. "She doesn't have a bump though", other quoted. "Come to think of it, her monthly(period) hasn't arrived either. She is pregnant!".

"When's she going to announce?" One servant asked. "Maybe after Lord Satoru arrives?". "Oh! Maybe on the New Year's eve! Seems perfect timing as well.", one replied.

The servants maybe nosy but they know their places. They know, something so sensitive as the pregnancy of the great six eyes sorcerer's wife, its not their place to give the news to the family.

Generally, almost every household's staffs know about anything and everything that goes on in Gojo household. But the word, luckily, doesn't reaches to their employers most of the time.

But this time, it wasn't just some other light news from the Gojo House and the servants of other households started talking to their employers in no time...

It was already past 11.30pm.

Reunion with your office friends and straight up five bottles of your favorite vodka felt so nice that you almost forgot about all and everything that had gone wrong in your life.

You meet up with your co-workers every Christmas for the last 4 years. Sometimes Satoru would company, sometimes he wouldn't.

Talking about politics, sports and who's dating who, both in the office and among celebrities. These were mostly the topics you spent discussing while drinking.

"Hey, its almost going to be 12. I think that's it for the night guys!", one of your girlfriends announced after a slight glance at her silver wrist watch.

"Whaaat?", your speech was slurred and vision blurry after five drinks. "Isss overrr already? Whyyyy? Less get the party started.."

Everyone chuckled. "Ah y/n san had too much to drink! Now we'd have to drop her at her royal palace!", the other girlfriend smiled, a little jealous of your luxurious life.

"Whaaaaat? Less playyy! C'mon ya lot!", you continued babbling frustrated.

"I'll drop y/n. If its okay with everyone."

Out of all the twelve co-workers, one of them stood up and offered to help you reach home.

He knew none are interested in insuring you reach home safely. Everybody was just ignorant and busy to get back home to be on time for work.

He, Kenzo, always have had feelings for you. From the moment you entered the Office to present, when you're married and babbling gibberish while totally drunk.

Everyone agreed to leave you to Kenzo since it was no secret, the feelings he has and someone like him would definitely make sure you reach home safe and secure.

26th December, 2016 || 12.26 am

The group gave their farewells to each other and went on their way.

You, on the other hand, are so drunk that its impossible for you stand up without your legs wobbling and bringing you down.

Kenzo helped you and got you on the passenger seat of his car and started driving towards your 'palace'.

Your head felt heavy with all the drinks you had. You could hear voices in your head, all distorted, words lapsing onto each other.

"You did this y/n!"

"Because of you y/n your baby is dead"

"Satoru will never love you"

"All you've done since marriage is sitting on top of your husband's fortune... living the life you never had"

"Satoru's family....They were right...Everyone was right.."

"You are just a whore"

"Whore for money"

"WHORE"

You let out a scream and started twisting and turning your head and hands to stop all this annoying gibberish in your head. Your eyes closed tight shut.

Kenzo, while driving through almost an empty road, saw this and was absolutely horrified. He thought you're having seizures so he stopped his car in an empty underground parking lot that was luckily near when he saw you.

"Y/n! Y/n! Are you okay?". He grabbed your cheeks to hold you still while his other hand held forcefully onto your shaking arms. "Talk to me y/n. Talk to me!"

"Talk to me y/n"

You heard.

"Talk"

You opened your eyes, slowly letting in the artificial bright lights hit your eyes. Lips trembling. Cheeks red, tears rolling.

You felt a grasp on your cheeks and lowered your gaze to see Kenzo, worried and sweating.

You let out a sigh and without any thoughts hugged Kenzo.

He didn't know what just happened but if hugging him makes you feel better, he's okay with it. He hugged you back. Caressing your back.

All the thoughts had stopped now in your head.

You calmly pulled away from the hug and locked your eyes with Kenzo's.

He is so handsome, same age as you, has beautiful hooded eyes, his nose, his lips.

You gently brought your lips closer to his and he to yours. You both so close but so far. You wanted to kiss him, he wanted to kiss you.

Your lips brushed upon his and he kissed you. You put your tongue in his mouth and fought for dominance. After a few pants for air, you won, a battle you never won with your husband.

Kenzo pulled back though halfway through. You were puzzled. Didn't he want you? But then you saw him looking at your big blue and white diamond wedding ring.

Oh so thats what it is.

You quickly removed the two rings from your left hand and put the expensive rings onto dashboard. One ring being your wedding band and the other ring was an official platinum-diamond band symbolizing that you are the Gojo Clan head's wife.

In a rush you jumped sat on his lap. Fixating yourself just above his crotch, continuously rubbing your clothed groin over his. You both panted.

You unbuckled your jeans and threw them in the backseat and unzipped Kenzo's pants, about to slide in his member in you. You were so in heat he could see right through you if he'd have to be honest.

He held your wrists and stopped you from doing it...

"Y/n, we shouldn't... its not right... you're married-", he protested with his voice low.

"I decide whats right or not... so shut up and do it already", you growled at him in frustration and just put his cock in your unprepared cunt.

You were finally tainted wholly...

It hurt a lot in the beginning, doing the deed all dry, without any foreplay after so long and after your miscarriage but slowly your body adjusted.

'God! he's so small', you thought to yourself while pushing in Kenzo's 5 inches hard cock in you since for the last over 7 years you've gotten used to Gojo's 8 inches.

This lowly act of yours went on for around 2 hours. Doing it anywhere and everywhere inside the car, in all and every position.

26th December, 2016 || 4.50am

The radio was playing 'Lovely Day' by Bill Withers.

Kenzo was driving you to your house.

You were quiet. He was quiet.

The drive to your uphill estate was easy since it was early morning so the streets were traffic free. He drove his car through the beautiful posh Uphills neighborhood of Tokyo. Your house was almost there.

Each house in this posh area are mindfully distanced to provide full privacy and personal space to the owners. That is why Satoru bought his married house here.

You were looking outside the window with a cigarette between your lips and suddenly your heart skipped a beat, eyes widened, forehead sweating when you saw your husband's black Audi sedan parked in the driveway...

You gulped when the car stopped outside the Gojo Estate's premises.

Door opened, left foot out and you got out. Before entering the gates of your premises, you leaned down a little to look at an equally annoyed Kenzo.

You both didn't share any words or any final looks and he just drove his car as soon as you got off.

He knew what he had done was crossing the line and beyond. It was so unethical to sleep with a married woman, doesn't matter if you were his crush once or not.

You closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"Well technically y/n you are separated and will be divorced soon. So its not cheating. Technically?" Your head convinced you in case when you'd be caught you'll have an argument ready.

You started walking through the cobblestone walkway, a little nervous... Actually, truth be told, you are scared of seeing Satoru. Finding you in your current state at this late hour.

You took one last big puff and then crushed the cigarette with your boots.

You rang the bell once, twice. You started thinking maybe its not Satoru but its Mr Ijichi. Yeah! He's busy anyway.

The door opened just as you were about to ring the third time and all your fears came true...

Satoru Gojo opened the door.

@sindela @dazai-gojo-kinnie @whats-humanity-lol @thewickedofrizz @phantasmia @ghostllyyz @yihona-san06 @Enaaneaen @sweet-almond @Angel_🫶🏻@autumn-slaves @wondermilka @hh0peful @kugisakinobarades @witchbybirth @nineooooo @ssc7514 @Hana-patata @blue_spices @haikyuubiggestsimp @urstepmom69 @hueneve @chayunwoo@waosobii @nadzhaf @yoriichiswife @tiltraumadouspart @kirschtein123 @whoisobsessed @Asala @ashthemadwriter @remnirris @svm666 @voidsatoru @staygoldsquatchling02 @dunnowhy-m @nnasv @violetmatcha @dummyf @Noblog @Littledemoness15 @shaiah @iluv-ace @mmeerraa @angellyah @0bakuzan @waxhers @chanelmalandro @shoutobrainrot @angrydaughter @Screw-aebi@asdfghjkl7things @kodzukenwhore @gabile18 @bollockswhy @pelicanpizza @electro-supremacy @Zatannaswifeblog@spam-and-eggs @guenievresworld @b0scuit@aliventboo @marit332 @ieathairs @hells-escapees @no-name222

Aplogies, tags are CLOSED

[eerna]

Omg the way Eloise is written as a feminist character BOTHERS me. I can’t always put my finger on why, but a thing that sticks out to me the most is how she just says the most blatantly basic (for us 21st century viewers) things and idk it’s supposed to seem revolutionary… but it’s never clever. And it is never deep.

Anyways I saw your tag on the Eloise/Cressida post and I was curious to hear any elaboration of your thoughts on her feminist portrayal? (But no pressure!)

YEEAAAH EXACTLY! I have the same issue, Eloise just says 21st century equality stuff without ever having read a single feminist pamphlet (this is canon, she doesn't start reading them or attending discussions until she's 18). Somehow she developed a perfectly uniform idea of modern womanhood when she was isolated and raised to be a traditional lady. Her opinions should be WAY more half baked and full of holes because this life is the only one she'd ever known. That's not even mentioning the inability to discuss feminism without discussing class, something Eloise has No Idea About.

Then comes the issue of writing. This is a stupid show. No one looks smart on this show. So when Eloise drops a "smart comment", it is cringe and dumb. She is supposed to be eloquent and witty, but most of the time she looks like a mean snob belittling everyone around her.

Another issue is that everyone else around her is a horrible sexist caricature. Yes, she is snobby, but my god every other woman only cares about men and marriage and gossip so I can't even blame her all that much for it. Her friends don't really care about what she has to say and will always leave her to go chase a man. And even SHE starts fitting the description the moment she falls for a guy - she lies to her friend and puts everyone in danger, and 90% of the reason is a man with only 10% being her self actualization. You can't write a proper feminist if everyone in your story has the same goal, which is to find a husband. It doesn't help that we know Eloise is headed for marriage and babies because every time a character expresses they don't want one or both of those things, they are proven wrong by the narrative.

And finally, my last thing making Eloise a bad feminist character, is that she is SO PASSIVE. Sure, it might be the point of the show as Pen calls her out for it, but we still don't know if they are gonna fix it so I am putting it here anyway. She only talks and complains about her lot in life, but never acts against society. I was happy when she started sneaking out and hang out with The Working Class Feminists TM, but that turned out to be a short failed romance subplot instead of a character moment and she gave up on it almost right away, so it doesn't count. And now in s3 she decided to embrace society and its expectations, so I am not sure we will ever get to see that kind of rebellion again - I sure hope so! But idk.

As a "well written Eloise" character, I'd like to suggest Felicity Montague. She is a character from a 18th century romcom, a noble lady, aroace and trying to go to med school when her gender prevents her from getting an education. She doesn't use her screentime for long-winded monologues about the unfairness of the world, she ACTS on her thoughts and opinions so we know what they are. She switches covers of romance books and textbooks so she can study without being bothered, she runs away from home to try make her dreams come true, she finds alternative solutions. Her thoughts are never lauded as One Truth, in fact she is often called out for the blind spots in her opinions since she too grew up a sheltered noble and can't account for all experiences. She is surrounded by women who challenge her ideas and make her into a better friend and person. AND she is funny and reading her is just plain fun. You CAN do a feminist who doesn't belong in her era, you just have to be careful to also make her a good character.

[starlightseraph]

sighhhhh…

i saw a post claiming that being uncomfortable with some of the wild rpf blogs is homophobia (or rather, that we’re only so uncomfortable with the rabid david/michael shipping because they’re both men, and not by georgia/anna stuff because they’re women), and i find that very funny.

firstly, most of us are queer to begin with, and while being queer doesn’t mean you can’t be discriminatory to other queer people, it’s important to mention.

secondly, the reason no one’s weirded out over georgia and anna is because no one is actually, truly shipping them in the real, actually world. it is very clearly a joke, and some of it is fun stories on ao3. the whole making out thing (which i’ve now seen brought up as evidence that we’re not as uncomfortable with f/f rpf) is literally in response to neil gaiman’s tumblr joke about dottie and sadie, who are fake characters that he uses to deflect from people wanting spoilers. the fandom has imagined them as being played by georgia and anna. they won’t be, because dottie and sadie aren’t actual characters in any fictional work. no one’s saying that georgia and anna, the real people, should make out, we’re making a joke about a fake storyline that only exists in several posts on tumblr.

we’re not grossed out because the the david/michael shipping is m/m. we’re grossed out because these are real people that are being treated like puppets to serve some fantasy. not hypothetical characters created for the purpose of a gag that will never be in any official form of media. not characters in a show who don’t actually exist. actual fucking humans.

rpf stands for real person fiction. fiction. i’m not even sure this qualifies as rpf anymore; no one’s treating it as a fun, made-up story, they’re presenting it as an “investigation” into the real lives of real people. people who are strangers, people who we know almost nothing about.

rpf very often morphs into this, and i really think it’s in a class of its own.

it’s one thing to write silly little stories on ao3 using the names and personalities and likenesses of real people, it’s a completely different thing to dissect every single thing you see about someone and to come to a conclusion that just so happens to perfectly fit your ideal of their lives.

i find even the purely fictional rpf to be a bit strange and uncomfortable, but i don’t have any real moral objections to it. when it bleeds into reality, though, and the wishful thinking of fans presents as a vast, complex conspiracy, that’s straight up creepy. like i won’t even go into why it’s creepy, it should be obvious. celebrities are genuinely afraid of people like this. they’re afraid of the rumours, they’re afraid of stalkers, they feel like they can’t even have innocent fun without it being “proof” that their marriage is just for show. they hate it. i hope all these blogs know that david and michael would all but certainly be very unamused by all of this. they’d probably be a bit terrified, and also embarrassed that anything they did could possibly be interpreted in these ways. no celebrity ever signs up for this, the extent of the obsession some people have is impossible to comprehend until it’s in front of you. even if they’re used to it by now, why, in the name of god, would you pile on?

please, touch grass. smell the roses. leave the parasocial echo chamber. do something to reacquaint yourselves with the real world and how real people function. if you’re really fans, leave them and their loved ones alone.

[mikeellee]

I see your rank about water based quirks, and it's quite interesting because I've commented the same thing on reddit before and people seem to agree on the fact water quirks have little representation of MHA.

Not only because they are portrayed as way weaker that any other elemental quirk, but usually pure water quirks (not ice ones) only belong to minor and diposable character.

You have:

-Manual "the normal hero" which is sort of a joke character which most prominent moment was keep Aizawa and Monoma's eyes hydratated.

-The firefighter hero from the first episode which I don't think appears ever again and he's only there to extinsguish fire.

-Kota parents are dead imao, and Kota himself is just a child so his quirk doesn't really come into play.

-There was an unnamed villain in the USJ attack who controls water but he's fooder.

While other elemental quirks have a lot of characters which are depicted as really overpower by MHA standards. For example:

-Fire has Endeavor, Dabi and Bakugou to an extent. Self explanatory in this case.

-Air has Inasa, who was probably the most powerful student of his generation before any quirk awakening bs from Class A. Inasa even was stopping Sad Man Parade by himself at one point.

-Earth has Cementoss who was described as op in urban enviorenments, Shindo who is way more powerful than people give him credit for, and if we count metal here Wolfram from the first movie was a really powerful fighter.

So yeah, the difference between water with the rest of the elements is kinda big. Even ice users aren't treated as particulary powerful in the story.

Geten needed to train his whole life without go to school and have a quirk awakening but had problems with a Dabi who was holding back, and he lose against Cementoss for some reason despite there wasn't concrete during their battle.

Shoto is a special case, because notice how the story always treats his fire side as the real powerhouse and not his ice. I mean even Endeavor thinks on the ice quirk as just a way to baypass the overheat rather than a power Shoto can make shine on it's own, isn't that ironic? The ice in Shoto is just a patch for the weakness of his strong side, not this perfect balance between elements.

Perhaps the only truly badass water quirk user we have (despite he's treated as fooder as well) is the nameless leader of the Cider House gang.

Seriously I love this guy for some reason. His design and quirk are awesome, and he's such a fun minor villain.

Wish we had more content of him and his real name, despite calling him Cider is funny.

Hi @nyc3

So before I answer your ask...let me ask you this: where is the others' healing quirks? Is R.G the only one who has this quirk? Bc if so that raises some questions...so are all the doctors quirkless? I´m especualting here as Hori has no desire to do worldbuilding but if we take this as true...then Izu could have been a doctor.

"Quirkless doctors face discrimination" its something I can see someone saying IF the quirkless are the doctors and this is so supremely dumb. I don't think quirkless discrimination IS a thing in the text, what we have is IZU BEING ABUSED.

Now as for the question...yeah, people in MHA prefer quirks that are stronger, fire IS strong...but then again, on the same wavelength, they don´t care to know more about quirks (Izu is seen as the odd ball for analyzing quirks when this should be the obvious, everyone should have a quirk analyst)

Endy wanted a child from a woman whose quirk is ice. Still, he looks down on water type quirks...while yes, he did that to make sure his kid has a cool off system in him for the fire (HIS PLAN IS SO DUMB HOLY SHIT). I ask, ignoring the implications, if he wants to do a quirk marriage and thinks FIRE is the best, why not marry someone who already has a quirk?

Water is seen as weak and I don´t get why. Maybe Hori has some bias on the power scale.

Wind is something Inasa has but... let's be real, Inasa is an ass in canon. He is an Endy´s fanboy and hates Shoto bc Endy didn´t smile at Inasa...entitled fan much? (I HATE HOW PEOPLE MAKE IZU BE THE CREEPY FAN WHEN WE DO HAVE CANON CREEPY FANS)

Hori doesn't seem to care to make powers interesting...nor consistent.

Look at BK, how many quirk awakenings this asshole had?

To make this short, I believe is not about the power, is how you use...and no one in mha wants to think outside the box.

(on that note, why Toga is the only one who has a transformative quirk?)

[lily-alphonse]

Sam/Haley?

(Saley? 🤭)

Saley? Or Ham. LMAO

Hmmmmmmm this one. This one irks me. They sure would be pretty though.

I'm itching to put them in some kind of AU because my mind screams that they don’t make sense in their current context. There has to be an inciting factor like both working as camp counselors in a nearby town or going to college together or something. (Or… Scooby Doo AU? A little Fred/Daphne dynamic perhaps?)

Like maybe Haley has considered it, kinda liked the rogue skater, class clown thing Sam had going on. But she was always expected to be with the star athlete.

Ok wait maybe the inciting incident is Alex coming out as gay. That could work. Farmer shows up, we have an “oh no he’s HOT 😩” moment and Haley is left in the dust.

She’s pissed at first but then realizes she’s free. She can truly do whatever she wants. Who is going to care, now that the rumor mill is abuzz with Alex’s scandal?

She experiments with her fashion. Tries new hobbies. She goes to visit Emily at work and even gets a little tipsy and dances. And one Friday night she sees Sam there playing pool with Sebastian and she can’t help herself. He’s so fucking tall and edgy, it’s an exciting kind of intimidating. But Haley can be intimidating too, despite her size.

“Sebastian. Sam.” She greets them both with her arms crossed and an easy smile.

“Uh. Hi.” Sebastian is the first to respond, straightening up from where he was lining up a shot.

“In light of recent events I feel the need to ask if either of you are gay,” Haley starts.

“What?” Sebastian asks in disbelief.

“No,” Sam says immediately.

Haley meets his eyes with a predatory sort of smile. “Alright, prove it. Dance with me.”

Sam kind of chuckles and bites his lip, looking over at Sebastian. “Man I know we’re in the middle of something but…”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and points to Haley. “You, wait there two turns. If you still want him after I kick his ass you can have him for tonight.”

Haley chuckles. “Deal.”

It’s actually kind of torture, in a good way. She has a front row seat to watch his body move, his eyebrows furrow and tongue sticking out when he’s concentrating.

She doesn’t know much about pool, so she doesn’t care that Sebastian is right about kicking his ass. All she cares about is the man rounding the table to meet her, as Sebastian goes off to find Abby.

“Hi,” Sam says with a cheeky smile down at her. He isn’t shy, getting close and personal already.

“Hi,” she gives him her best flirty smile.

“Still up to dance with a loser?”

“Can’t really be considered a loser with the hottest girl in here on your arm.”

He chuckles at that, taking her hand to guide them to the dancefloor. She’s caught a bit off-guard by his forwardness but damn if it isn’t sexy as hell. And his hand is big 🫠

His hands move to her waist on the dancefloor and they sway with some distance between them to continue speaking.

“I don’t know how you can be so confident about that by the way," He says once their settled into a rhythm.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, just look at Pam. You’ve got some stiff competition.”

“Oh har-har very funny,” she rolls her eyes but fights a smile.

“Ooo tough crowd.”

“I’m tough to please.”

“I can imagine. But correct me if I’m wrong Princess, seems like you’re already sold on me.”

The sudden nickname almost gets her flustered. She decides to ignore it. Ignore it and definitely not file it away in her brain to obsess over later. “Not sold at all, that’s why I asked for a dance and not your hand in marriage.”

“I see. This is my test drive then?”

“You could call it that.”

“You look beautiful.”

It’s obviously a line. But it comes so suddenly that Haley does get flustered this time. “I know,” she blurts, and then, “thank you.”

His smile widens at her blush. “I’m serious, I like the new look. You seem more like yourself.”

“Myself? And how would you know?” she raises a perfect eyebrow at him as its his turn to get sheepish.

“Oh, well I just mean like, I don’t know. It suits you. You seem happier.”

She thinks about that, looking at his shirt instead of his eyes. She has been feeling happier. She sighs and leans into Sam, closing the distance between them to lay her head against his pounding chest. He stops swaying, surprised. She smiles at how fast his heart is going under his facade.

“I am happier, I think.”

DAMN OK I DONE GONE AN CONVINCED MYSELF LMAO these two are kinda fire ngl I think theyd both be sassy and flirty the banter is top tier

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

[pynkhues]

literally sooo fascinated by logan and caroline's marriage tbh. give us all your thoughts!! (if you want ahah)

Oh, man, I could talk about them all day, haha. I kinda feel like people can sometimes rob both Caroline and Logan of any nuance, because yeah, sure, they’re often the central antagonists of the series, and their abuse and neglect of their children permeates the series, but the show’s always also been careful to show that the cycle of violence never started with Logan, and Harriet Walter’s talked in interviews too about the cycle of neglect not starting with Caroline either. They’re victims and perpetrators in the same way that Kendall, Roman and Shiv are victims and perpetrators, and the fact that neither of them were able to break that cycle is the exact sort of tragedy that's at the broken heart of this series.

It makes it really fascinating to me in that sense that Caroline and Logan found each other at all, and I think really slots into what we know about his three marriages – namely, that he marries women who are in some ways as damaged by life’s cruelties as he is. We understand that explicitly with Marcia, who pretty much says out loud that their connection has been born out of the fact that they’re both survivors, but I think it’s implied in his relationships with both Caroline and Connor’s mother too. At least Marcia and Connor’s mother became somethink like partners for a while too – Marcia was a co-conspirator with Logan for the bulk of season 1, and the RECNY Ball episode I think also showed that Connor’s mother, for at least a while, was the sort of socialite who could lubricate and work politicians alongside Logan.

We don’t really know what role Caroline played in that sense, but she’s obviously intelligent and savvy enough to have worked to secure the kids real power in the divorce, something we see her give back to Logan in 3.09. We also know that her title gave Logan the class elevation that he wanted (even if its one he also seems to bitterly resent), and that his money gave her security, and in a lot of ways, that’s a strategic match that sees them both step forwards in power together.

I was actually listening to an old episode of Vanity Fair’s Succession podcast recently where they interviewed Dame Harriet Walter, and she talks quite a lot about Caroline’s backstory.

She says that Caroline was born into a neglectful aristocratic family, an only daughter who due to the social structures of British aristocracy, wouldn’t have inherited her father’s estate as a result of her gender. Instead, his estate would’ve gone to a distant male cousin, which ties into what Connor says in 1.09 to Willa about the house being the ancestral home Caroline didn't inherit.

She was disregarded by her family but encouraged to marry rich, and she sees Caroline as having gone through a bit of a wild child phase, that she partied, used drugs, tried to escape herself. That she was probably featured frequently in the social columns ‘in disgrace’, and then married young to a rich British man who bored her. She sees Caroline as having escaped to New York on a trip, and met Logan who dazzled her. Who was the opposite of the men she’d grown up with, the men who’d cut her out of her own inheritance, and that he was exciting and creating something and married too, and that they likely left their spouses for each other. That he married for a title, but he also married her because he found her fun and funny and different from the other women of her class and station.

I actually love that backstory a lot, and in particular I think it feeds into the themes of cycles on this show, both with Shiv, but also in Caroline being cut out by her own family, and then cut out by the one she tried to make for herself, and the damage that likely caused her. It also I think really beautifully depicts this idea of legacy and succession which is so crucial to the show – that Logan can spend a childhood brutalised by a man who’d give him just enough to build an empire on and that Caroline can spend a childhood in luxurious neglect with parents who will leave her with nothing.

What that meant for their relationship - - I think they did love each other, as much as they could love anyone, and I think that vulnerability between them was something that probably allowed them as true an intimacy as they’d ever have for a while. I also think that that vulnerability and that intimacy gave them power over one another that they’d use often and likely cruelly, and that the final years of their marriage were probably torturous for both of them.

After all, at the end of the day, Logan had the wealth Caroline could marry but never inherit, and Caroline had the title Logan could marry but never inherit, and what is that if not a reminder of the poisoned soil they sprung from?

[lesb0]

last week at dinner my friend in grad school for museology without an art history background taking her 5th art history class asked me why her professor shows an artwork she's never seen and expects them to automatically know hyperspecific arguments about it. I explained that art history is so deeply systematic that if you show me the artwork, the arnolfini portrait, I immediately know that panofsky wrote that they were a struggling immigrant couple who were deeply pious, seidel refutes panofsky and suggests that it was a business deal trading a teen girl to her rapist, carroll, also feminist, wrote that it was a legal document certifying the marriage, and harbison as a male says that theyre all wrong and its a funny sex joke about court culture because I read them all, which is what her professor was really asking. we as art historians are expected to immediately look at ANY famous painting and know all the famous arguments around it.

if you say "Argenteuil"

I go right to the boating couple: marxism, tj clark, myths of the bucolic french countryside, and ideas of 19th century french middle class leisure as class analysis because that's exactly how we're all trained to look at how this painting says something. If you say hellenistic, I say contrapposto. If you say african ceremony mask, I say picasso.

If I'm not careful to check myself, for a second, everyone's brain works exactly like this and I need to explain nothing to general audiences, this is survey level information. This is how art pedagogy constantly teaches ME.

so how do we "fix" it? do we stop assuming everyone has specific academic background knowledge of every famous artwork in the world? or do we teach kids these complex concepts in visual literacy earlier, like I started in my 3rd grade renaissance course? or do we just rip the whole system down to shreds and stop having art history departments in colleges, like many institutions are doing every year? I don't have any answers.

[saintsenara]

Hello! Your thoughtful, funny approach to the unhinged ships has legitimately been a bright spot for me during a difficult few weeks. So thank you! Here are a few more if you feel so inclined:

Hooch/McGonagall

Andromeda/Bill

Justin/Dudley

ahh, anon, thank you so much for this lovely message! i hope things are looking up now, and i wish you strength and honour to keep chugging along if they're not. i will always be delighted to receive these asks, and i hope they keep entertaining you.

rolanda hooch/minerva mcgonagall

zoe wanamaker went so fucking hard when she decided to play hooch as the cuntiest dyke in the castle, and so i will always be committed to imagining hooch in exactly that vein - strutting around with her leather quidditch gloves, her masculine tailoring, and what is clearly an impeccable strap game.

and mcgonagall has stern-older-lesbian-with-a-secret-wild-side vibes as well - she's a little bit of a renegade, she doesn't suffer fools gladly, and she's a great fan of quidditch.

i think we can all picture the romantic midnight swoopings they're going on. and also the massive fights they're having when hooch awards slytherin penalties against gryffindor.

and arguing is foreplay...

andromeda tonks/bill weasley

i have decided, after careful deliberation, to back this.

something i really like thinking about when it comes to andromeda's post-war journey is how her grief over her daughter's death would be tinged by the fact that - as he tells us in deathly hallows - she didn't approve of her relationship with lupin.

i don't think this is entirely to do with his lycanthropy [i think, for example, that ted and andromeda were left alone during the first war as long as they kept their heads down, and that tonks joining the order - which andromeda can choose to blame lupin's influence for - forfeits this], but i think it's also fair to interpret lupin's statement that ted and andromeda are "disgusted" by their marriage as true, rather than an exaggeration formed of his own self-loathing. the casual prejudice against werewolves even by "good" characters is a really striking part of the series - and andromeda sharing it is something i find really interesting to explore when thinking about her relationship with tonks.

[as is the fact that she can't see the irony that this is exactly how bellatrix and narcissa think about ted.]

i think you can do something really interesting in the immediate post-battle haze with andromeda trying to come to terms with the fact that she never fully patched things up with tonks before she died, that she didn't have a chance to get past her prejudices and get to know lupin, and that she's only come to appreciate how brave her son-in-law was when he too was dead.

it's clear that lupin provides bill with some level of support in the immediate aftermath of his run-in with fenrir greyback, and that bill would both remember him fondly and be determined to defend him and werewolves generally from the treatment they would undoubtedly get from the state in the months after the war ends [after all, we are told that the vast, vast majority of werewolves support voldemort - they are bound to be first in line for the public's vengeance, and are an easy scapegoat for the government].

two people trying to uncover truths and falling in love while doing it is my poison, and i would love a fic in which andromeda initially seeks out bill in an effort to understand the things which have died with tonks and lupin which then turns into something more...

dudley dursley/justin finch-fletchley

one of the exceptionally minor mysteries of the series is just how posh a school smeltings is supposed to be. the dursleys are a satire of all that is thoroughly, averagely middle class in the uk, and yet smeltings - with its weird traditions, its odd uniform, and the fact that it's an all-boys full-boarding school - is a pastiche of the most elite public schools [which, in the uk, means fee-paying - what is meant by "public school" in the united states is a "state school" here].

above all, the smeltings uniform bears a very strong resemblance to that worn by boys at harrow... which is the great rival to eton.

just picture it. justin is forced to go watch his younger brother boxing for eton in a match against smeltings. he's bored out of his mind... until an enormous blonde heavyweight who's taken out the entirety of the team from charterhouse catches his eye...

[nonbinary-eddie-munson]

I was thinking about how the run away with me au Robin and Steve "should we get divorced?" conversation comes about:

Theyre about 23 and Robin comes home in tears after another break up. The reason: Robin had asked her girlfriend of 8 months, Lorraine to move in with her and steve. Lorraine assumes this means steve is moving out and when Robin clarifys that no Steve is staying, he's an important part of her life theyre married for chists sake. Well Lorraine doesnt take that well, says she isnt going to spend her life playing second fiddle to Steve.

This isnt the first time a relationship had ended for either of them because a partner hadnt been able to accept that Steve and Robin were a package deal. Things had been especially rough for them romantically in the first couple years of their marriage. It wasnt until a particularly awful screaming match between Robin, Steve and Steves first real boyfriend, that they were able to admit their relationship was incredibly codependent and unhealthy. Steves boyfriend had been upset when Steve had cancelled on him for the 3rd time in a row because of a Robin Emergency™️ and decided to confront Robin about it while Steve was in class. Things escalated quickly when Steve came home early from class to find them arguing and immediately took Robins side. The argument and Steves relationship ended with a slammed door, a lot of tears and a new rift in Robin and Steves relationship.

It took a lot of long conversations with Carina and Marjorie, Steve working through his toxic masculinity enough to go see a therapist - He and Robin made a deal that theyd both go talk to someone about, you know almost dieing "do you think me being fucked up by what happened at starcourt makes me weak steve?" "No of course not!" "Well then why would it make you weak?" - and a summer spent apart (Robin taking an internship in rome to study latin) for them to sit down and have a long conversation about boundaries and ground rules for how they would navigate their relationship as well as dating in the future.

Steve and Robin agreed to both take a break from dating while they worked through their respective traumas, and figured out how to navigate their relationship in a healthy way. Things werent easy, the both of them occasionally backsliding into unhealthy behaviors, more than a few nights where one of them spent the night with Carina and Marjorie in order to have space from eachother. But eventually they get their shit figured out and decide to brave the world of dating again. Steve and Robin both have their share of flings and short lived relationships but nothing so far seemed to stick. That is until Robin met Lorraine.

Lorraine was funny, sweet and a little bitchy. They had immediately clicked after being introduced by some mutual friends from school. Robin really thought things with Lorraine were going to work out. Steve and Lorraine had gotten on like a house on fire, she had slipped into Robin and Steves dynamic easily, trading jokes and light hearted jabs, cooking breakfast together on days Lorraine would stay at their apartment. Robin had fallen hard and fast, she thought she had finally found someone who accepted that her and Steve were a package deal. So 8 months in when Lorraines lease was ending Robin (with agreement from steve) asked Lorraine to move in. Things don't go to plan. Robins dreams of a future with lorraine are shattered. She goes home broken hearted.

After Robin has cried herself out, her and steve cuddled together on the couch Steve is the one to broach the topic. Robin immediately bursts back into tears before he calms her back down again saying he doesnt want a divorce but he also doesnt want to hold Robin back, doesnt want to be the reason she cant find happiness. Robin replys by saying if anyone is holding the other back its obviously her, steve gave up everything to protect her afterall. Steve calls bullshit -years of therapy and he can finally say that word without cringing- says he would do it all again in a heartbeat, that she doesn't owe him anything. They stay up all night talking about it, about what the both of them want from their futures. Neither can see a future without the other. they're platonic life partners, one day they'll find their someones who can accept that and if not well, they'll always have eachother.

Of course they do find their someones in the form of a charming if infuriating metal head and a brilliant, sweet, and badass reporter. Through trial and error the four of them figure out how to navigate life together. They all live happy ever after.

Robin and Steve celebrate 30 years of marriage with divorce papers. They'll always love eachother but now they dont need a marriage to keep eachother safe. They dont need a marriage to stay as platonic life partners. They have eachother and they have Eddie and Nancy. They have everything they need.

-

Lmk what you think! I'd love to have someone to scream with about this AU and bounce ideas off of :D

Tagging by request <3 @ramyayaya

[inamindfarfaraway]

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals Pitch Meeting

[Should be experienced imagining the voice and acting of Ryan George, who is linked to above.]

Producer Guy: So, you have a musical for me?

Screenwriter Guy: Yes sir, I do. It’s called The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals because the main character, Paul Matthews, doesn’t like musicals.

PD: He doesn’t?

SG: No, he can’t stand them. Watching one is his own personal hell. And that isn’t a throwaway quirk, it comes up several times and is integral to the plot.

PD: Isn’t the protagonist typically meant to be relatable to the audience?

SG: Yeah.

PD: And won’t the audience be full of people who like musicals?

SG: Yeah.

PG: Bit of a weird choice, but okay then. So other than the musical thing, what’s Paul like?

SG: Oh, not much.

PG: What?

SG: Yeah, he’s the most average, boring, white middle-class American everyman you can imagine. No desires, ambitions or hobbies; he never expresses much passion for anything except things he doesn’t like. He has an office job at a company that’s so generic, I didn’t even think of what it does. He’s not particularly nice either. Like, when his best friend Bill asks him to help him reconnect with his teenage daughter Alice, he refuses to avoid his own discomfort despite having nothing else to do. And when his other friend Charlotte right next to him is clearly upset because she’s in a miserable marriage to a neglectful, cheating husband, he doesn’t bother to comfort her.

PG: Isn’t the protagonist typically meant to be likeable and interesting?

SG: Yeah, but we’re not gonna do that I decided. So another important character is Emma Perkins, this barista Paul has a crush on. She’s the only reason he keeps going to this crappy café.

PG: And what’s her deal? Is she kind and friendly to balance out Paul being so apathetic?

SG: No, she’s also rude, but she has better reasons for it. She hates her job and has really annoying, mean coworkers her boss favours over her, who just won’t shut up about how great musical theatre is. They all love it so much that there’s a new rule that if they get tipped, they have to perform a whole song and dance routine.

PG: But working for every tip negates the point of a tip!

SG: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, it's a crappy café.

PG: I gotta say, though, you’re presenting musical fans in quite a negative light there. They are the people whose money we want.

SG: (aside) You haven’t seen anything yet. Anyway, Emma and Paul bond over not liking things and people - it’s cute. But then at the end of the day, a meteor crashes down in a big storm and lands right in the town’s theatre, which is putting on a musical. And the meteor turns out to have evil alien life inside it!

PG: Oh my God. What happens to everyone in that theatre?

SG: Well, it’s offstage, but we find out later that the alien works by taking over your body like a virus and killing you to use you as a vessel for its hive mind. So that probably happens to most of the people. Bill and Alice get out okay, but a lot of people are dead now.

PG: This escalated very quickly!

SG: Yeah, this show does that. It’s a horror comedy; it’s like a sitcom where anyone could brutally die. But here’s the thing: the alien hive mind makes the Infected sing and dance like they’re in a musical, so all the fun, catchy songs are actually it controlling people’s corpses. That’s how everyone knows the lyrics and can move in time to music nobody’s playing. You only hear the music if you’re Infected. And it spreads really fast, so this mindless musical obsession could literally destroy humanity!

PG: That’s so dark and tonally dissonant. But I have concerns about the villain essentially being a living musical, in a musical. Won’t that kinda alienate the audience? As in ‘make them not like it’, not ‘make them aliens’.

SG: No, it’ll be fun. The first song after the intro is very entertaining. There’s this really funny part with a silly, crazy homeless guy.

PG: Ah, yes. Making fun of the homeless and mentally ill is tight!

SG: Not what I… (moving on) and, and, we can cleverly parody musical tropes. For example, Paul’s boss tries to get him to sing an “I Want” song because the Hive want him to be the protagonist of their ‘musical’, but he doesn’t want anything so he’s a terrible protagonist.

PG: Oh, that was on purpose! I thought you were just a bad writer.

SG: Yeah, no, I’m setting up an arc. So the Hive take over most of the town - which is on a island and the bridge gets pulled up, so there’s no way off - including Emma’s café. But she escapes with Paul and they meet his friends from work, plus this obnoxious asshole Charlotte’s cheating with called Ted, who's the worst. But then the Infected police show up, including Charlotte’s husband Sam. She begs him to snap him out of it ‘cause she still loves him, but he pulls a gun on her.

PG: Oh no.

SG: Fortunately, Ted knocks him out.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But he hits him too hard and his brain falls out!

PG: Wait, even putting aside how unlikely it is that his flesh and skull were broken open wide enough that his whole brain could fall out, isn’t the brain… attached? That’s a very implausible injury.

SG: I’m gonna need you to get all the way off my back about that.

PG: Well, okay then.

SG: So Charlotte has a mental breakdown and Emma suggests they go to her biology professor, Henry Hidgens. He’s an eccentric doomsday survivalist who somehow predicted this exact incredibly specific apocalyptic situation and has a huge house with top-notch security. And he's a biologist, so he might be able to study the alien infection if they bring him Sam.

PG: It’ll be hard to get there safely with the town swarming with alien zombies, especially carrying a dead man.

SG: Actually, it’ll be super easy, barely an inconvenience.

PG: Oh, really?

SG: That part just happens offstage.

PG: So they get to shelter?

SG: They do, so they start to relax for a bit. Except Charlotte, she’s dying inside and stays with her tied-up dead husband. Bill and Ted have this funny argument where Bill threatens to kick Ted’s head, which, you know, is a stupid threat.

PG: It is?

SG: Yeah, because you’d have to kick really high and most people can’t do that.

PG: I thought you would just push the person to the ground with your arms and then kick their head. Most people can do that.

SG: True.

PG: And it would be highly effective. You could kill someone that way.

SG: (getting an idea) You could, couldn’t you? (writes that down)

PG: What are you writing?

SG: Nevermind. Emma and Paul have a nice heart-to-heart where she reveals her backstory. Turns out she had a sister, Jane, who lived a great life, dream job, true love, kid, everything, while Emma left home at eighteen and travelled around being aimless and irresponsible. But then last year Jane died and that’s why Emma came back and is studying, to try to do something with her life now that Jane can’t anymore.

PG: Aw, that’s sad.

SG: Even a zany horror sitcom has its serious moments. So she and Paul bond some more, until Charlotte and Sam burst in.

PG: Wait, what?

SG: The Hive made her think he’d come back to life and manipulated her into letting him go. Then he just killed her.

PG: Dick move.

SG: Massive dick move! So now Ted gets beaten up by the possessed corpse of the woman he loves, after the last things he said to her were mean because he’s the worst. Fortunately, Hidgens kills the zombies.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But Alice calls Bill and she’s under attack at her school!

PG: Oh no.

SG: If Bill goes to save her alone he’ll almost definitely die. But Paul volunteers to go with him.

PG: So he won’t be nice to his friends in everyday life, but he will risk his life for them?

SG: Precisely, this is really bringing out his inner hero. But when they get there, Alice is already Infected. She sings a whole song about what a terrible father Bill is and he's so guilty that he failed her that he tries to kill himself with the gun they brought. Fortunately, Paul takes the gun off him.

PG: Oh, good.

SG: But he drops it on the ground, so Alice just shoots Bill herself.

PG: Oh my God! Why did he let go of the gun? That was a very poor decision!

SG: Extremely poor, yes. Alice nearly kills Paul too, but the army rescue him. Specifically this secret special unit that I made up called PEIP that deals with supernatural stuff like magic and aliens that most people don't know about. They're ordered to kill everyone to keep the weird stuff secret, but the leader, General John MacNamara, is a good person so he doesn't do that.

PG: So he lets Paul live?

SG: He does, and he sends a helicopter to take him and Emma off the island.

PG: Paul tells him about Emma?

SG: Uh-huh. He realizes that he's in love and finally does want something: to be with her.

PG: Cool, cool, cool.

SG: Meanwhile, Hidgens and Emma are studying the Infected. Emma theorizes that if the brain of the Hive is in the meteor, they could take out all of them by destroying it.

PG: Is that true?

SG: There's no reason it couldn't be! But Hidgens changes his mind about the Hive being evil, knocks Emma out and ties her and Ted up. Then he opens his house's gates because he wants the Hive to get in.

PG: Why does he think the Hive isn't evil?

SG: Well, he's thinking that since humans are so immoral and harmful we're killing the planet and each other constantly anyway, but the Hive will bring peace and harmony. And he loves musicals.

PG: Oh, he does?

SG: Yeah, he's even written his own awful one, and he plays a song he wrote and composed to lure the Infected inside. He's willing to die and doom humanity for his twisted, irrational love of musical theatre.

PG: Really slamming your audience again. Hey, why wasn't he at the musical the theatre just put on?

SG: I don't know.

PG: Fair enough.

SG: So Paul comes back, frees Emma and Ted and they escape, but General MacNamara kills Ted because the soldiers are Infected now!

PG: And this is all onstage?

SG: Yes.

PG: Then it's gonna be hard to get past a division of fit, armed zombie soldiers who can survive not even having brains in their heads.

SG: No, it isn't. Emma shoots MacNamara in the shoulder and that makes him just give up.

PG: What about all the other soldiers?

SG: Please ignore them.

PG: Okay.

SG: So Paul and Emma get to the helicopter and think they've made it, but the pilot is Emma's mean coworker from earlier and makes them crash.

PG: Why is she Emma's coworker and not just the army pilot, if the Hive got there first?

SG: Because.

PG: That works. Are they okay after the crash?

SG: Paul is, but Emma's too hurt to walk. Paul says they should find a boat -

PG: Wait. There are boats? Or does Paul just think there might be?

SG: I have more notes on this town and it has a boating society, so there are boats.

PG: Then why haven't the Infected got in the boats and gone to mainland? Shouldn't they have done that by now?

SG:

SG: ...You're right. I didn't think about the implications. Oh my God, I didn't think about it!

PG: Whoops!

SG: Whoopsie! So anyway, Emma tells him her theory and he goes to blow up the meteor with a grenade.

PG: But then he could die, and right when he actually cares about something. That is heroic. Do he and Emma have a touching maybe-last goodbye?

SG: Kinda. They try to kiss, but she coughs up blood in his face. The Hive knows Paul is coming and lets him in order to infect him. He does his best to resist its control, but it makes him sing and dance and have an existential crisis.

PG: Oh no.

SG: But at the last possible moment, he pulls the pin, blows up the meteor and saves the day!

PG: Wow, wow, wow. Wow.

SG: So we cut to two weeks later. Everyone else in the town is dead, but Emma was saved by the army reinforcements and she's getting out of hospital on the mainland and ready to start a new life.

PG: Well, at least she survived and the Hive is defeated. That's what Paul wanted. But it's still a shame he died.

SG: That's what Emma thinks... until he walks in!

PG: (excited) What?

SG: Yeah, he's okay and he gives her this soft smile and she's the happiest we've ever seen her and they hug.

PG: That's such a sweet ending. After everything they've been through, getting to be happy together feels earned, and I really have warmed up to them both.

SG: And then Paul starts singing.

[Beat. Producer Guy's relieved expression turns to confusion, shock, sorrow and horror as he processes that information and its implications. He stares at Screenwriter Guy, betrayed.]

PG: But that means he's... (SG nods, proud of himself) and Emma's theory was wrong, and... (SG nods again) the Hive is on the mainland now, so the entire world is... (SG nods again) oh, a very depressing ending!

SG: Set to a very cheerful song! The cast even stay in-character for the bows; the Infected bow while Emma screams and cries and begs the audience for help before being dragged away. So what do you think?

PG: That ending will haunt my dreams. But as creative as the premise is and as emotional as it gets later on, I don't know if this will be that big of a hit. The tone changes so fast and jarringly, the main characters aren't that likeable at first and it all just seems pretty niche. And it spends so much time mocking its own genre and audience. I can see it becoming a cult classic, but I don’t think you’ll be able to launch a series with it or anything.

[fandxmslxt69]

hi hello I see you casually dropping matty fic ideas in the tags?? care to share with the class???

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED EHEHEHEH

OKAY disclaimer while I cherish and love Matty this fic idea isnt inherently romantic based! it CAN be read as something romantic and i totally have an alternate ending in my mind with smut and shit but IT STARTED OFF AS JUST FUNNY STUFF

i'm more of a Frank girl anyway so Matt to me did start off as "i want to fuck him" but then it became "he is my best friend my catholic buddy." i KNOW i emphasis him being catholic a lot but ts just funny in my head to base it off friendships i have with my Christian friends (im muslim btw) so its just a funny little rivalry that started and is just For The Fun okay.

ANYWAY FIC IDEA LMAO basically there's like a mission right. and reader kind of has connections in the sense that...she works alone, she does her own thng, but....she's popped up with other teams before and is close with Matt (in my mind, its just a friendship that started purely on matt "where are you going on a Friday" Murdock and reader "to pray at the mosque???" to Matt "OH MY GOD !!!! no way" Murdock. BUT for the fic it's not the case thats just a funny little side note lmao.

anyway so Matt has a mission somewhere whatever i dont have details but he needs someone to be his Fake Wife (he takes marriage very seriously and this idea bothers him) but reader is like "hey. we're friends, we're close, we share a lot in common we're friends i'll help" and he's like "oh sick okay at least someone i like being around"

OG idea to which i daydream abt is literally just a crack fic of Matt and reader getting "married", going on with the mission and its just crack. insanity runs through their little house. its chaotic its crazy its a constant screaming match between the two of them and really it was just me going "what if. i lived with Matt "Good Catholic Boy"Murdock as his fake wife What happens then. and it escalated

its just silly and For The Laughs. so its just very platonic cute fun stuff buuuuuuuuut i will not lie to you i HAVE thoughts of some very unholy things about this man. im a SLUT for marriage of convenience tropes so i really couldnt stop myself lmao. I DONT KNOW the idea of them having sex and getting close and Matt's like "oh my god oh my god finally i've been so in love all this time" and reader is like "he's doing this for the role. married couples have sex usually so this is just for the role" (she's a little dumb its okay lmao)

anyway yeah. maybe it develops into a friends with benefits situation, and after the mission its like "well SHIT cuz i actually like you and divorcing just seems...wrong ? even if- even if we yknow this didnt start out as a "real" marriage" and its just an angsty angry confession and they decide to PROPERLY get married (no right or wrong way to get married btw but im extra and i like huge ass weddings sorry) and they start dating after that lmao

like religion so clearly states (thats a JOKE btw im KIDDING lmao)

anyway yeah. there's a LOT of variations to the idea. one minute its just a regular platonic and then its smut and then its just a regular female reader and then its not and then its silly crack and then its angsty self discovery and yeahhhhhhh BASICALLY.

basically i feel a lot about him.

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE LMAO

[q-gorgeous]

Your Eyeballnesses

fanfiction

ao3

word count: 1072

The Observants have been more annoying than usual, resulting in the most DRAMATIC throwdown @princessfanonanona

idk if this is dramatic but its funny

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Danny stared at where the observants had appeared in the middle of his school’s gym. The other students were staring at them, mouths opened wide. Danny couldn’t blame them. Their giant eyeballs were freaky. 

“Why are you here?” Danny crossed his arms as he looked at them. They have had terrible timing all week. Why did they insist on always showing up when he was busy?

“You have important royal duties to attend to today, Phantom.” Called the Observant standing in the center of their group. “It is vital you come with us.”

“Reschedule it then!” Danny shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “I’m in school right now! That’s important too! Stop planning things when I’m supposed to be in class!” 

“We think that the duties of our ghost king are a bit more important than some measly high school classes.”

“You say that but Phil had to get me out of being the ghost zone’s marriage counselor.”

“Phantom-”

“And if it’s anything like, banning ghost cannabis or real world items I don’t want to hear about it. That stuff isn’t even bad.”

One of the observants standing in the group pulled out a list from his cloak and crossed a couple things off of it. 

Danny sighed. “Can you guys just leave? You’re interrupting my education here.”

“Sir-”

“Hello, your eyeballnesses.”

The observants jumped back, startled. Standing behind them was Phil. 

“Phil!” The observant exclaimed. “Please stop startling us like that. And don’t call us that.”

“I’m sorry, but you were the ones who initially asked me to keep Phantom’s living and ghost lives separate in that coronation note I ended up losing.”

The observant scoffed. “You ruined that already. We simply need his assistance with important matters in the ghost zone.”

“As his royal advisor you are to come to me so I can let Phantom know ahead of time when and where his duties are needed.”

“You lose all of our notes anyways!” The observant’s cloak billowed around him angrily. “We came to retrieve him ourselves this time.”

He strode over to where Danny was standing. Grabbing onto his arm, the observant started dragging Danny to where the rest of his group was standing.

“Hey!” Danny shouted. “Get off me!” 

Suddenly Phil was teleporting. He appeared right next to Danny. He grabbed onto his arm and teleported him across the gym. Danny sank to the ground and tried to fight back the wave of nausea. 

“Thanks.” Danny croaked out. “But also not.”

“I’m sorry, your majesty. The observants often undermine your abilities and your work ethic. It seems they have no problem crossing boundaries and nearing treason when their king is a half human boy.”

“I’m not surprised these guys are racist. When have they committed treason though? They’re just trying to get me to go to a meeting.”

“As well as infinite pockets, I have ears everywhere, your majesty. Some are literal, others are as you would say ‘little birdies’ that tell me what I need to know to serve my king.”

Phil stood up and turned to face the observant that had grabbed Danny. 

“You are to leave this school and never set foot here again.”

The observant rolled his one eye. “What power do you have to prevent me from coming here again?”

Danny watched as the other observant’s eyes widened and they backed away. Clearly they knew something that this other guy didn’t. How could anyone be afraid of Phil?

Phil teleported close behind the observant and spoke lowly into what must’ve been his ear. 

“You must have forgotten how long I’ve been dead for. How long I’ve crafted my many skills and powers. It is unwise to underestimate me.”

Then Phil was grabbing onto the observant and throwing him across the gym. He nearly flew into the basketball hoop and landed in a heap on the floor. Danny whooped, cheering for Phil.

“Yeah! Get his ass!” 

Phil flew towards the observant. It was the fastest Danny thought he’d ever seen Phil move. He sent an ectoblast flying at him as he was trying to stand up and it sent him hurtling across the floor again. 

The observant finally stood back up but before he could get a shot back in at Phil, he was being thrown into the air. Phil let him fall back down to hit the ground hard. 

The observant groaned and pulled himself up to his knees. He glared at Phil. 

“You have no right to-”

Phil ignored the observant and picked him up roughly. Danny’s eyes widened as he watched Phil stuff the ghost into his pocket until he disappeared completely. If Phil was always losing notes that he forgot about, he didn’t wanna know how long it would take him to get the observant out. 

“Sorry for that display, your majesty.” Phil said, resuming his usual proper posture. “The observants often forget who is the one with the real absolute authority, especially after so long without an active king. I hope that this will remind them that it is truly you who rules the infinite realms, no matter how hard they try to pull the strings.”

“No, that was awesome!” Danny said, smiling. “I’ve never seen you beat anyone up before! But yeah, thanks. They’ve been annoying all week.”

“You’re welcome, your majesty.” Phil turned back to the rest of the observants who were cowering in a cluster on the far side of the gym. “Come on, gentlemen. Let us have our preliminary meeting so I can inform Phantom about the coming discussions we will be having about the infinite realms.”

Phil walked up to them and grabbed onto the closest one, teleporting them away. Danny turned to grab the basketball he had dropped on the ground when the observants showed up. When he stood back up he saw Tetslaff gaping at him.

“Ah, yeah. I guess you haven’t seen any of the ghost king stuff yet.” Danny chuckled. “That’s my guy, Phil. He was our chaperone for the field trip to the ghost zone.”

“That’s the guy?” She asked.

“Yep. I didn’t know he could be threatening though. I just thought he was some stuffy advisor guy.”

Tetslaff just stared at him. She started to walk away. “Free time for the rest of class. I need to go think about some things for the next hour.”

“Have fun!” Danny called.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Today's episode was Protection, the one with the... oh gods, it's the Ferris wheel episode. Whhhhyyyy???? It's also the episode where Kagami gets akumatized because Lila somehow convinces her that Marinette is pretending to be a mess around Adrien and, oh, if only.

Real talk, did anyone find the Ferris wheel scene funny? I know people complain about seasons 4 & 5 turning Chloe into a caricature instead of a character, but they're doing it to everyone. The class has gone from Marinette and Adrien's friends who would like to see them together, but still have their own lives to the Adrienette squad whose sole purpose in life is shipping. It's creepy, unfunny, and frankly makes them all look like terrible friends. Even 8-year-olds would know this plan would never work. Who wants to have their first kiss with a captivated audience? It's just gross.

Adrien is also a victim of this. He's always been underdeveloped, but this season reduces him to Marinette's Perfect Boyfriend and it's.... not great. But I'll make this its own post because I don't wanna get too serious here since the episode is anything but.

Then we move on to the funniest thing that season five did: the introduction of the "arranged marriage" plot. Aka, the scene where we learn that Adrien and Kagami are supposed to end up together. Which is hilarious when you actually look at what Tomoe and Gabriel did to get Adrien and Kagami together:

Raised them on separate continents

Did nothing to introduce them beyond sending Kagami to Adrien's fencing team to try out

Did nothing to get them to start dating

Did nothing to support their relationship once it actually got going

Sent Kagami to a different school

Until this episode, I honestly had no clue that Gabe and Tomoe even knew that Adrien and Kagami had started dating. The way Lies presents the relationship, I thought it was a massive secret. Why else would Kagami have to lie about their fencing lessons to get alone time? If these two are supposed to end up together, why were they never sent on parent-approved dates? Were the senticouple designed to just go at it as soon as they saw each other, but Adrien was defective? It would explain Kagami's out-of-nowhere crush on Felix. He activated her Adrien-programming!

This is also another case of the writers forgetting that Emilie is supposed to be a good mom unless we're supposed to think that Gabe only came up with this plan after Emilie was gone? If so, how is he going to explain any of this to her?

Then we get to the part of the episode that actually could have done something clever: Lila tricking Kagami. As-is, Kagami looks like she's breathed the stupid gas that Lila emits for her lies to work. (SO's theory is that Lila is an ancient sentimonster who makes people believe her lies which would make more sense than my gas "theory") If the writers had been smart about it, this was where we could have introduced Lila's multiple identities. Have a random girl "from Kagami's class" be giving Kagami advice. Then the audience thinks it's an objective third party misreading Marinette and not Lila manipulating Kagami for... reasons? As-is, it's just dumb. Why would Kagami believe Lila? How did they even meet? I have questions....

Mild credit where it's due moment: This is also the episode with the Adrienette picnic date and while Marinette showing up in her pajamas felt super forced, Adrien matching her was super cute and I liked their almost kiss. The writers clearly can write these two cute, the hand raise scene shows that, they just chose the drama route instead. Unfortunately, they suck at drama and so does this episode.

[momo-wants-siesta]

SAMURAI OF HYUGA -BOOK 1- [REVIEW]

I did not originally intend to read this IF. But by popular demand I have been pressured to write this review.

Apparently it's the story of a "samurai" who lives on an island called "Hyuga" which is literally Japan, but I guess giving it a random Japanese name was cooler. More original.

This IF is divided into different books, and the adventures of this "samurai" and his companions will be told. Let's get down to business.

CHAPTER 1

Well. Let's see what this brutal interactive heart-pounding interactive tale is about.

The text of the Chapter 1 (Along with the Kanji) basically reveals to us that the author doesn't know Japanese and basically used a kanji dictionary.

As a tip, Japanese translation doesn't conserve plurals, So instead of "Sake with the Oyamas" it should be "Sake with the Oyama" and probably specificy it's a group or family. But I digress.

Steamed dumplings, nice. It's good that we start a japanese setting with a dish that is from Chinese origin (Nikuman in Japanese, Baozi in Chinese) and probably wasn't introduced until later.

I'm starting to have my doubts about the MC being a samurai, given how the dude seems to love to mix themselves with "Bakuto" people that were basically part of the modern "yakuza" today.

So for some reason we are stuck with a "spoiled kid"

Next scene. Someone getting close to a "samurai" and asking for a favor. Yeah, that was totally normal back then.

But it get's funnier when the title of the game is "samurai of Hyuga" but the two options are basically saying "I'm not a samurai". I don't understand what the author did there.

Okay. So this MC that has been living on the slums, suddenly know all about nobility and "royals". Its funny using "royals". It's good to know that the author doesn't seem to have studied Japanese history. Mostly how the correct term would either be "nobles" or "clanmen" or "imperials".

MC: *Says they are not a samurai* Random dude/woman: Master samuraaaai

I'm starting to feel like the author has been under the influence of sustances while writing this. Since the lack of consistency is apalling.

I don't want to make this review too long. But I really need to ask. Why two nobles are trying to make an alliance marriage, in a fucking Inn. And not in their houses. That doesn't make any sense. And then "let's ask this random no life to pose with us". I think that the author believe the Japanese to be stupid, or have watched too much mainstream brainless anime.

The "how the bride looks" options seems to have been written by the horniest individual to have ever existed for Google play standards of non lewdity.

I feel like I need to stop and point this. Why is the groom wearing a Kamon? Why do they need a samurai if they are samurai?

I think the author needs to understand what a samurai was. Because I think they are confused and believed all the nobility to be samurai. And that's a grave error. That's not how it worked. Nobility didn't need to be samurai. And some samurai weren't even nobility. Samurai was a social class on it's own.

I don't understand why they didn't ask the MC name. What kind of way to refer to someone is "Samurai-san" is like someone comes to you, if you are barista, even if you have your name in the tag, and go "Mister Bartender, nice to meet you".

Japanese are polite. They would ask the name. We entered full weebish anime paradise and we are only on chapter 1.

Not to say, this marriage would never happen, in those guys were not part of the nobility. Unlike in Europe were the burgesy could buy titles and marry into nobility, in Japan that was socially forbidden. And blood was really important, to the point of eugenics.

The day i find a "japan" IF that has been written by someone who did actual research instead of watching anime, will be the day I plant a tree or something.

But what is bothering me the most, is how the MC is all knowing. Not only we cannot decide on their personality (even tought there are a lot of useless stats) but the guy is basically a Gary Sue. He knows everything. He looks at you, and he knows your tragic backstory already. There's some fucked up powerfantasy there already. And it still kills me how I haven't been able to customize anything yet. I'm playing with a MC that I don't even know the game. Its fucking awesome. /s

I love how threating each other in the middle of an Inn it's great. Or how for some fucking reason, the author believe that your typical western bar fights would happen in Japan.

Fuck's sake. This author needs help. That our a japanese history book in the head, to gain some brain cells.

.......I'm going to kill someone.

So some guys appear with what I supposed it's irezumi, or the ancient version of it.

MC: they are not criminals.

Me: THEN WHAT THEY HAVE TATTOS.

Just you guys know, back in the day the "yakuza" didn't exist yet. And Irezumi exist, because back in that day criminals were tattoed, as a way to mark them. So irezumi started as a way to hide those markings.

Why would the author write something called "Samurai of Hyuga" which is clearly Japan themed, but then refuse to do even the most minimal research? I'm baffled.

So suddenly we are at "Yamato" but the game calls the place "Hyuga" then the MC goes I'm from "genfu". Someone seriously need to decide on a name, or make a fucking map.

Good Lord, this is hard.

"Wish I had an escort of Ninjas" yea because Shinobi totally escorted people. FUCK.

"That was low even for a shinobi". What the fuck is this. Shinobi were not considered dishonorable, basically because they didn't have to follow the bushido.

AUTHOR, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, ONLY THE SAMURAI WERE FORCED TO FOLLOW THE BUSHIDO. NO ONE ELSE.

Stop calling him samurai-san after hearing his fucking name. ITS FUCKING OFFENSIVE. WHY ARE YOU OFFENDING PEOPLE, TOSHIO.

Okay. I need to make this stop. So for fucking reason, to keep going I need to kill a Carp. Because fuck yeah. If I don't want to? I better quit the game.

It's good to know that the Author is complete psycho who is into stupid edgy protagonist.

Why is this even an IF? Where are the options? Why I'm still playing?

I'm gonna skip for a while to make a more compact review, because if I have to stop at every fucked up part...

So super random fight where we get more male powerfantasy. Then it's me or it's the Masashi kid a RO? Because that basically child that acts like a child. So now the author is a fucking pedo too? What's next? The guy is into lolis?

AAAAAAAND I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS.

PRECOCIOUS FINAL TOUGHTS

How the fuck was I ever convinced to read this?

This is not even an IF. There's not even real choices. Like, the MC is totally 100% set on stone. And this is pure anime weebish trash.

This is one of the most questionable tales I read in a while. I don't event wanna now about the other ROs. This bad, this is horrible. This is something who jack up to lolis and decided to make a fucking work out of their personal waifu fantasies.

What the fuck is this. Seriously. The worse part is how people actually bought this, and how there are so many books. Unless it suddenly improves.

I been deeply disgusted and I don't even want to hear about this work ever again in my whole life.

[dishonestlies-if]

I have questions I don't know if they've been asked before. So pardon me if they have if this is a dumb question.

I was reading through the game description and it days our ex spouse is the great nephew of some important person so I'm assuming they were male... right?

but then also we can choose our gender. So if I choose to play a male character. How did our daughter come to be? Unless i got that all wrong. Or is there magic involved with same sex couples having kids?

And on that topic how do the ROs react to an MC that is the same gender. Are any of them conflicted or is it a happy love all vibe in the kingdom especially among nobility?

I. How did I not notice this. What is wrong with me I'm gonna lose my mind-

Thank you for pointing out the thing with Alix! (Dis)honest Lies started out as a small project for myself and a few friends so originally the MC was set as female, and therefore Alix was set as male, seems I forgot to change their description after I decided to make it a public game. I'll fix that right away!!! (On that note, what's the gender neutral form of niece/nephew? Nibling? Nephling?)

As for the ROs:

M really doesn't care. So long as they like you for you, they're not letting anyone get in the way of your relationship, least of all some homophobic old fogies who can barely manage their own failing marriages. In any case, among the lower class nobody really cares all that much - most are too busy trying to feed themselves and their families to gossip about who's courting who; your worth and status is based on what you contribute to the community, not who you choose to spend your life with.

Legacy is an immigrant from another kingdom where such relationships are much more accepted among the upper class and monarchy, so they just embrace it with open arms (assuming, of course, they can first get over all the other things keeping them from seeking happiness for themselves). In fact, they find it funny how enraged the few disapproving members of the Court get over what Legacy deems to be a trivial matter, so once they're romanced they take great delight in courting you in front of the homophobes just so they can watch them fume, unable to actually say anything (because that's the monarch and their lover, what are they gonna do about it?). E is 100% down for it. They are actively pursuing your heart (good luck trying to evade them lol), and they will not let anything stand in their way. After all, MC is the monarch, and they are an Advisor, with the backing of the House of Alinac. Realistically, only the other Advisors could lay a hand on them, and that could spark a rather nasty conflict in the Court, which they know all the Families are actively trying to avoid. Consequences be damned, they'll get what they want - they always do. E is untouchable, and they know it; what, then, is the point in fearing Court gossip? The lower nobility can say nothing to them, at least not without repercussion. O is already hesitant to pursue the monarch, even moreso if they are the same gender. O worries about the monarch's image - they know gossip in the Court is rarely forgiving, and for the monarch to court an Advisor (unheard of in the kingdom's history), well, that would certainly spark rumours of favouritism among the Families. While likely not enough to spark the other Families into direct action on its own, it would definitely make them more difficult to deal with - not ideal for the nation. They can only imagine what the rumours would be like if the monarch's lover were to be the same gender - and the Advisor from the House of Hildebrand, at least, strongly disapproves of such unions. O would prefer to spare MC (and Batrinoa as a whole) all the trouble and simply reject any romantic advances (even if they dream of taking MCs hands in theirs).

C, on the other hand, was raised in a rather homophobic household. It was really just their father Volker who drilled into the minds of his children that same-gender partners are wrong and unnatural and will be nothing more than a hindrance in war (soldiers are generally grouped into divisions by gender, and it is his belief that if a soldier was attracted to the same gender, it would make all members of their division a possible distraction on the battlefield). Though C (and none of their siblings really, except maybe their eldest brother, the family heir) took to these teachings, C is still hesitant about pursuing MC if they're the same gender - the internalized homophobia still hits hard even after all these years, and in any case they're not so sure MC would reciprocate (at least in the beginning). Give them some time to sort things out, the wait will be worth it.