#we have another month of summer im so fucking over this man

[waittheydontloveyou]

Weight loss & Updates

(some TMI)

Im at 43.2 pounds lost.

I feel really proud of this yall. It’s hard for me to accept feeling proud when I know I have so much further to go.

My tummy is a lot flatter. Not getting asked if I’m pregnant so often. My face is a little thinner. I feel prettier in photos. My bf said I’m “not fat anymore”. Which he meant as a compliment I swear, bc I’d said I have a lot more weight to lose and he’s like “where? You were fat a few months ago but not now”

I have a long way to go. I’m not even out of the 200s yet but I’m close. I want to lose 50-80 pounds more. If I lose 80…that has always like my “best” weight…right on the edge of overweight but docs won’t say shit. I was that before I was running, and after (muscle gain vs fat loss evened out) I’ve never been thin thin, not since I was 18. But even then I was bigger than my friends and sisters. Always curvy. Losing 50lbs I’d still prob be considered overweight or obese even but I would be ok with that honestly, and I’d still feel comfy in a bikini again.

I got myself new scrubs for Christmas. One shirt was way too big so I’m returning it and getting a size down.(xxl vs xl, the brand usually runs way small). The other is a xl set and it’s a little tight but wearable. I’m wearing it tonight lol. I think will be perf once I lose 5-10lbs more.

Im hoping to move to an apartment around march this year. It’ll be in town instead of so rural. Way closer to kids schools so less gas. But like double what I’m paying. I just can’t take another summer and the roaches there😭 also my landlord expects me to buy a mower to mow the 10 godamn acres which is ridiculous.

I currently live where there are no sidewalks and on the side of a pretty major highway. Not safe to walk or run. The apartment will be on the 1st or 2nd floor. Will use tax return to pay deposit and maybe hire movers. I’ll be able to start walking/running again. Im the slowest runner known to man. I used “couch to 5k” last time and got up to 15 miles no problem within 6ish months. It’s the only form of exercise I’ve ever been able to do consistently. And it has to be outside. I can’t fucking do treadmills, even when I was running long distances, not sure what it is but it feels like fucking torture. I’m finally at a weight where it doesn’t hurt to just exist. I can wipe my ass no problem! LOL! I can bend over if I drop something, get out of a chair/ get out of bed without it hurting like crazy.

With papi again in case you missed that. Finishing up our convo on the future and once I get a few more questions answered I’ll know if I’m staying in hopes he’s telling the truth or if I really need to walk away now. It sounds like by December we will be moving forward/he will have saved enough for a down payment on a house for his mom. Unanswered questions: will we be getting married by December? Engaged? Living together? Buying a house? What exactly will be happening by Jan 2026? I can wait another year, year and a half to move forward. And if it’s untrue/doesn’t work out like he’s planning? I think I can walk away knowing I fucking gave it my literal all. I know no one agrees with this decision but here we are. I fucking love him and just need to try to see this through.

This Year Goals?

Apartment

Walking running again

Summer pool time w kids

Start reading again

Consider going back to school. Either to further my nursing(NP) or something I can do from home that’s completely different. Or “just for fun” maybe writing or music

Moving forward w papi

Continue weight loss

Maybe take my ex back to court

Continue towards court w my former boss. Apparently it’ll be a few more months before we get a court date bc they keep motioning to dismiss.

[phantasma-mirror]

day so dire bitches had to come home and draw clowns to cope

[phagodyke]

.

[bucketbueckers]

I'D RATHER PRETEND

CHAPTER SEVEN

tags: @angryflowerwitch @avvwritesstufff @melpthatsme @rebecca-woso @bueckersg1rl @l0verl4ne @clouded-whispers @dolliest-thena @katemartinlvr @numberonepartyanth3m @glamourdaya @pbbucks @unadulteratedcyclepaper @paiges-1vur @thelightknight21 wc: 5.5k notes: she master on my list til i chapter seven (im sorry i dont know what this is anymore) ummm im apologizing in advance for this chapter, it's pretty crucial but the first half is kinda buns and also i wish tess kennedy was real because she'd would stream the fuck out of crybaby by sza like thats her song. last chapter of angst but next chapter is tournaments and march madness and shit and we all know what happened so idk if its angst ? i just work here man. merry christmas eve btw, expect something later tonight to make up for this chapter 🎅 as always i hope we enjoy 🫶

‘Home for the Holidays’

November and December are hailed as the happiest times of the year. In November, families from all over reunite for Thanksgiving and toast to good times. December is home to Christmas and New Year’s Eve, where families bond over gift-giving and their shared hope for a successful year ahead. These two months are the most festive times of the year, but basketball fans are celebrating the holidays with new reasons to be thankful and joyous – Tess Kennedy and Paige Bueckers.

If you have been following us for a while, you may remember their long-awaited hard launch in June of 2023. They had a quiet few months between July and November, although those were incredibly busy times for the student athletes. Between summer practices, traveling, the start of the fall semester, and the start of the new basketball season, social media candids were far and between, although Bueckers and Kennedy certainly spoiled us during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

Per their social medias, Kennedy spent Thanksgiving with the extended Bueckers family in Minnesota. She was only there for a few days, but the content was limitless – Bueckers’s sister, Lauren Fuller, shared a photo of Bueckers and Kennedy cuddled up in an armchair on Thanksgiving Day; similarly, Bueckers herself shared a family photo (which included Kennedy) where the entire family wore traditional, festive sweaters. Her caption was simple, only reading “Thankful 🙏”.

Throughout December, fans speculated if Bueckers and Kennedy would spend Christmas together. While it appears they spent Christmas Day separately with their families, Bueckers flew out to New York to spend the last three days of the year with Kennedy. They shared photos of their gifts – a sentimental bracelet charm for Kennedy and a rose thumb ring for Bueckers – then spent New Year’s Eve in New York City to watch the Times Square Ball Drop. A fan who was present in Times Square at the moment wrote to us and shared that Bueckers and Kennedy were each other’s New Year’s Kiss, although they disappeared shortly after midnight.

As the Gamecocks gear up to host the Huskies in early February, fans are eagerly awaiting the clash of the dynasties. Kennedy has not yet been cleared for play, but many supporters feel as though this matchup is a house divided. Critics question how Bueckers and Kennedy will be able to handle the pressure of competing against one another now that they are together, though a greater majority argue that they are mature enough to not let their relationship interfere with the game. Marriage politics aside, we are eagerly awaiting this thrilling match up between South Carolina and Connecticut, and cannot wait to see what February 11th has in store for us.

-Penelope Lancaster, Bleacher Report

FEBRUARY 2024

To no one’s surprise at all, Tess and Paige don’t talk about New Year’s.

Tess knows how she feels about Paige. She’s not concerned about her feelings suddenly changing for Paige overnight, not after how nice New York was in general. It was the first time they’d truly spent romantic, alone time out in public without regard for the press. New York was crowded – they walked down the streets late at night and many didn’t care to bother them. They had sat in a secluded spot during dinner where they flirted all night, toeing the line between pretend and for real. When they watched the ball drop, they were in a pretty secluded place, too, and most of the crowd was full of a bunch of inebriated party-goers. Tess had an amazing time in New York, and if anything, her feelings for Paige only got worse and harder to hide.

The issue is Paige doesn’t mention anything. At all. It’s like it didn’t even happen. If Tess didn’t spend almost every minute of every day thinking about it, thinking about how Paige kissed her fucking scar and said she was beautiful, then she’d worry that she just imagined it all. It’s agonizing because she knows where she stands but she just can’t figure out how to ask Paige about it. She can’t just call her up and say something like, hey, remember how you fucked me within an inch of my life on New Year’s? Did that mean anything to you? That was not happening. So, here they are – back at square one.

Things are fine the first week of January. They text where they can. Coach Staley is slowly working Tess back into practice. Her past few months of PT have been full of insurmountable growth and Tess feels better than she has in ages. She’s so close to getting back on the court, and when she’s not stressing about her situation with Paige (which she stresses about pretty often), all she can think about is how quickly March is approaching and how soon she’ll be back playing. A new basketball redshirting rule had been finalized – an athlete would be able to play up to five games after suffering an early injury (whether it be offseason, preseason, or early in the regular season) that forces them to miss most of the season and still hold on to an extra year of eligibility if they healed completely before the end of the season. It seemed situational on paper, but Tess passed the board consideration with ease after she demonstrated that she was in good health and her doctor confirmed that she’d be fully healed and safe to play by March.

So with Tess getting busier, and knowing that Paige is incredibly busy, too, she doesn’t think too much of it when they text once or twice a day. A good morning here, a how’s practice? there. Things aren’t bad. They’re just…okay, which is strange. It’s like they don’t know how to act around each other. Tess is sure she knows why. She shouldn’t have been so sure that her relationship with Paige would stay the same after they had sex, because why would it? They could argue they were blurring the lines when they’d nap together and kiss, but now, the line isn’t even there and everything is just so confusing. 

Tess microdoses a crash out the entirety of January. She can tell that something is wrong but nothing is wrong at the same time. Paige pretends like nothing has changed. Maybe it hasn’t. Maybe this is what happens when you let yourself fall in love with someone you’re supposed to be in a fake relationship with. This is what happens when you agree to casual and then you can’t keep it casual. She let her feelings for Paige get out of hand and now she’s facing the repercussions of that. The worst part is that the only person Tess can actually be mad at is herself. It’s not Paige’s fault that she’s funny and kind and charming and beautiful and sarcastic and gentle and intense and magnetic and literally everything Tess didn’t even know she wanted in a partner until she allowed herself to yearn for something more. Bree and Kamilla warned her – they told her she needed to focus on recovery, not Paige; they told her she couldn’t get caught up in her, and against her better judgement, she did. Now, everything is messy, and the only person at fault is Tess.

Then February comes around. South Carolina was set to host Connecticut on the 11th. Maybe she and Paige would be able to talk after the game and finally get their minds straight.

Or so Tess hoped.

FEBRUARY 11, 2024

Tess spends the entirety of warm-ups nervous as hell. Her shot is off, her handles weak. She’s thankful she’s not playing in this game because at the rate she’s bricking, she’d lose the game for South Carolina by the second quarter. Eventually, she gives up on shooting and decides to rebound for Raven and Bree. That doesn’t go well either. Standing under the basket puts Paige directly in her line of vision, and tearing her eyes off of her is a task easier said than done. The last time they saw each other in person was at the airport on New Year’s Day. Tess knows she’s standing only a court away from the same Paige who’d carried her into the bathroom when her legs didn’t work, though part of her wonders what happened in the month they were gone that would make her doubt that. Her hair is up in the same game day style that Tess knows so well by now, her face impassive, the gleam of sweat shining under the arena lights. Tess can’t look away. Part of her wants Paige to look at her, to give her something to work with, but Raven draws her out of her thoughts with an impatient ball to the ass.

“Ouch!” Tess exclaims, rubbing her cheek, although it didn’t really hurt. She watches Raven bend down to grab the ball with a smirk on her face.

“I know you ain’t playing, but some of us are, and we’d appreciate it if you stopped making bedroom eyes at your girl,” Raven sasses. She shoots the ball from the free throw line and it swishes in seamlessly. Tess catches it as it falls and passes it back her way.

“I am not making bedroom eyes,” Tess grumbles. Raven huffs out something akin to laughter, backing up to shoot the ball from the top of the key. It clangs off the rim and Tess smiles at her. “Karma,” she says as she passes it back. “That’s why we be nice to Tess Kennedy.”

“Tess Kennedy needs to be nice to us and lock the fuck in,” Raven states, shooting again. It goes in and Tess passes it back. “Y’all been together, what – eight months now, nine? This long and y’all actin’ like a middle school couple?”

Tess rolls her eyes, blushing, but she doesn’t entertain the conversation anymore. “I’m not playing. I don’t need to lock in. You need to worry about getting the ball through the net and not my love life.”

“Damn,” Raven says, kissing her teeth. “I get it now. You need to get laid.”

“Do you want a rebounder or not?”

Raven, blessedly, shuts up, but Tess casts one last glance across the court. Paige is sitting on the Huskies’ bench, her pant leg rolled up while a shorter woman kneels in front of her and prods at her knee. Tess almost thinks nothing of it until she watches a smile spread across Paige’s face, the way the woman’s hand lingers on her leg as she looks up, a beaming expression of her own on her face. Oh, Tess thinks. Okay.

Bree has been right about every single thing she’s ever said to Tess and Tess was stupid enough to sit there and think that Bree was overreacting. The humiliation burns low in her gut, but combined with anger, a deep sadness, and a thick terror, Tess feels like she’s going to be sick.

She barely pays attention to the game once it starts. She locks in for the first few possessions – South Carolina wins the tip-off, Te-Hina scores, then Paige scores, then Te-Hina with a three-pointer. South Carolina ends the first quarter in the lead, 19-11. It should make her happy, it’s her team, but the sudden tension between her and Paige makes her queasy. By halftime, South Carolina still holds a healthy lead, 44-30. Tess follows her team and her coach into the locker room, glancing once more at Paige as she regroups with her team, and she can’t help but feel like something’s wrong.

Tess doesn’t listen to anything Coach says while they’re in the locker room, lost in nervous thought. Halftime passes, then she’s back on the bench for the third quarter, her knee bouncing up and down. The quarter passes. 69-44 South Carolina. The fourth quarter starts. It ends. 83-65 South Carolina. When the final buzzer and her team celebrates, Tess can’t find it in herself to be happy about it. Bree and Raven jostle her, cheering, but her eyes are firmly locked on Paige, who stands from the bench to receive her teammates.

They line up for handshakes. When Tess and Paige reach each other, Paige doesn’t even glance at her, half-heartedly saying, “Good game,” and Tess scoffs loudly. That finally gathers Paige’s attention, whose head snaps back to look at Tess indignantly, but Tess is over it. She moves on, annoyance and fear simmering beneath her skin. If that’s the game that Paige wants to play, then Tess will play.

She gathers her belongings from the locker room in record time, telling Bree to not wait up for her as she walks through the halls briskly. Her phone has been blowing up ever since the pressers ended. Knowing that the countless text messages and missed calls are from Paige, she pays it no mind as she silences her phone so she can return to her apartment in peace. Paige had a month to suddenly remember she cared about her. She had the entirety of the afternoon – yes, they were opponents, and Tess would be content to leave it at that if she knew there wasn’t something else going on. She wasn’t born yesterday despite the fact that Paige seems to think so.

When Tess finally makes it back to her apartment, she leaves her duffle bag in her room as she makes her way into the kitchen to make some coffee. The caffeine will undoubtedly make sleep difficult, but Tess can’t find it within herself to care. She’s nearly shaking from rage because what the fuck is even going on? Things were weird – she made her peace with that, but this cold shoulder bullshit is getting old, fast, and Tess doesn’t even know where they went wrong.

The coffee trickles out of the Keurig and Tess stares at it numbly. It finishes, then she dumps sugar and creamer inside and stirs. It burns her tongue when she drinks it, but Paige has her so pissed off she barely registers it. She needs food, or a hot shower, or maybe a couple episodes of TV to get her mind off of the last few weeks of bullshit. Before she can sit down, there’s a few impatient knocks at the front door.

Tess sighs, thinking Bree had forgotten her keys, but when she opens it, she wishes she’d checked the peephole first. Paige stands outside with an obviously annoyed expression, and Tess is honestly tempted to shut the door on her. Paige beats her to the chase. “Let me in,” she says, her tone not indicative of a request. “I’m not havin’ this conversation out here.”

Tess laughs again, mostly in disbelief, but lets Paige inside and shuts the door. “Didn’t seem like you wanted to do a whole lot of talking earlier,” she points out.

Paige rolls her eyes, crossing her arms. “Is that really what you’re pissed about? I didn’t talk to you before the game?”

“Okay, this is what we’re doing?” Tess demands. “Don’t act so fucking naive. You sat there and pretended like I didn’t exist. The media is going to eat that shit up, Paige. They’re going to say that we’re fighting, or breaking up, or–”

“The media’s gonna eat it up anyway, Tess, that’s what they do!” Paige exclaims, exasperated. “They’re vultures. If I showed up and acted like I was in love with you or some shit, the media’s gonna say I’m too worried about you and not worried enough about my game. They’re going to say that I’m throwing the game to make you feel better about not playing. They’re already saying we’re not mature enough to compete against each other!”

“Are we?” Tess asks. “You act weird for a month, like I don’t even fucking matter to you, and you barge into my apartment like you suddenly care about me again?”

“I wasn’t acting weird,” Paige defends, though her entire demeanor shifts.

Tess scoffs. “You weren’t? God, Paige, I know you were busy, but you changed. Something changed, we changed, and you’re pretending like nothing happened. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I know something is wrong with us and you’re not giving me anything to work with! And then, you can’t even fucking look at me, but you can smile at that woman and you let her touch you?”

Paige blinks once before her gaze hardens. “You mean the trainer? If you have sum’ to say, then say it with your chest, Tess.”

Tess doesn’t even realize she’s crying until the tears burn her cheeks on the way down. She gestures wildly with her hands as she explains. “The only reason why your manager placed you with me was because you slept around and people started noticing.” Paige recoils, as if struck, like she immediately understands where Tess is going with this. “So what am I supposed to think? Fuck, you barely talk to me, you can’t even look at me, and another girl’s touching on you like that? When I told Bree about us, she said it looked like I was just your new flavor. She told me I’d end up being just another notch on your bedpost. She was right. I spent months defending you and looking like a fucking idiot because you told me it wasn’t true, and I believed you?” Tess hiccups, her chest constricting. “When you said you could do casual, I didn’t know that included cruel, too.”

Paige is silent for a moment before huffing. “You caught feelings, didn’t you?” she asks, suddenly looking terrified, and Tess feels her blood run cold.

“What?”

“You caught feelings,” Paige says, like it all makes sense. Her eyes are wide and panicked as they water. “You caught feelings and, what, you thought that changed things?” Paige’s voice cracks. Tess flinches. “We agreed we couldn’t let this get out of hand. You agreed. You couldn’t separate your feelings from the job we had to do and you’re pissed at me about that?”

Tess is breathing heavily by the time Paige finishes. Her nails are likely drawing blood from how hard they’re digging into her palms. She doesn’t care. She’s sure she could deny, deny, deny, but what good could it do either of them? Tess is fucking over it. Her reputation wasn’t worth it. She would give up all of her brand deals and her public image if only it’d hurt less.

“You know what?” Tess cries. “I did catch feelings for you! I’m in love with you, you asshole, is that what you wanted to hear? Yes, I broke our rules, but you broke them first when you kissed me in that fucking hotel room and told me that I didn’t have to be scared with you. Did that mean anything to you? Did it mean anything to you when you told me that we ‘didn’t have to label it’ and we could ‘just be us?’ You told me I didn’t have to be scared and I gave you everything, Paige, literally every-fucking-thing. I gave you my heart, my first kiss, my fucking virginity on New Year’s, and you just pretended like none of that happened. You pretended like you didn’t even care about me or what we did. And maybe I was just stupid enough to think that would have mattered to you.”

The apartment is agonizingly silent for a moment as Paige stares in near disbelief, looking as though Tess just pulled the rug out from under her. She looks shell-shocked, like she wasn’t expecting Tess to admit that she was in love with her, like she wasn’t expecting Tess to blame her for all of this. Then, in a weak voice, she says, “I was your first?”

The laugh that rips from Tess’s throat is watery, surprised despite herself. “That’s what you’re concerned about?”

“Tess–”

She raises her hands, backing away, her fingers shaking with rage. “No, you know what? I shouldn’t even be surprised.” Paige takes a cautionary step towards her, but Tess takes two more away from her, her gaze disappointed and somber. “God, you are such an asshole.” She opens the door, stepping out, but meets Paige’s eyes. “Lock my fucking door before you leave,” she says, then slams it shut behind her. Paige doesn’t chase after her. She’s not sure if that relieves her or distresses her.

Tess doesn’t even know where she’s going, but her legs do. She buries her hands in her hoodie pocket, the chill of the weather freezing the tears to her face. She doesn’t bother wiping them as she makes her way down the sidewalk, down to Senate street, and before she knows it, she’s walking into the Tin Roof, the bar she used to haunt before sobriety.

She knows she should leave. She’s surrounded by people of varying levels of drunkenness, and the stench of alcohol makes her nose wrinkle. She’s ten months sober – that’s a lot of progress down the drain, but she’s hardly thinking as she slides into a seat at the bar.

“Rough day?” the bartender asks kindly, wiping the inside of a glass.

Tess snorts, finally wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie. “You have no idea,” she jokes, and the bartender’s laugh makes her feel a little better about herself.

“What’ll it be?”

Tess pauses for a while, taking a deep breath. What is she doing? She doesn’t know the answer to that, but she just doesn’t want to hurt. Her knee, her mind, Paige. But she knows it’ll just hurt even more if she goes down that path again, so she says, “Can I just get a sprite, please? And like, a small cup of cherries, if that’s possible? I’ll pay.”

The bartender nods, already reaching for a clean glass and using the soda gun to fill it with sprite. “No worries, okay? On the house.” Tess opens her mouth to argue, but she figures she’s had enough of arguing today, so she just quietly thanks the bartender as she fills a small serving bowl with maraschino cherries. She slides both the drink and the cherries her way with a smile. Then she’s off to help someone at the other end of the bar.

Tess pops a cherry in her mouth, feeling a little more regulated, and takes a sip of her sprite. The TV in front of her is playing the Stanford-Washington State game. Cameron Brink is an incredible player. Tess might like to play with her someday.

They go into a media timeout when Tess feels someone slide into the stool next to her. She doesn’t have to look up from her sprite to know it’s Paige, the scent of her perfume filling her nose. Neither of them say anything for a while as Tess eats her cherries and drinks her sprite, but Paige finally breaks the silence when she says simply, “I’m sorry.”

Tess hardly reacts. “How’d you know I was here?”

“You still share your location with me,” Paige admits. “I’m sorry.”

Tess laughs humorlessly. “Yeah. I heard you the first time.”

“I mean it.”

Tess finally glances at Paige. She’s drawn into herself, her lips pursed, eyes guilty. Tess knows her well enough by now. She truly does mean it, and maybe that’s the worst part. She knew Paige better than she knew herself and still didn’t expect Paige to break her heart like this.

“I’m sorry for what I said. For ignorin’ you at the game today, for actin’ indifferent after New Year’s.” Paige swallows thickly. “I’m sorry for making you doubt how much I care about you. I’m sorry about the trainer situation – that did look weird as hell.” That makes Tess laugh quietly. “I’m sorry for accusing you of catching feelings. I was a dick.”

“Wasn’t an accusation,” Tess says. “It was the truth.”

“It was an accusation ‘cause I acted like I was blameless,” Paige clarifies, which confuses Tess. She’s silent for a beat, drumming her fingers on the bar. “Do you regret New Year’s?”

“No,” Tess answers without hesitation. That makes Paige smile a little bit. “I don’t think I ever could. Not when it was with you.”

“Why did you never tell me it was your first?” Paige asks quietly.

“Would you have done it if you’d known?”

Paige smiles somberly at her. “I woulda done it nicer. More romantic and shit. I defiled you and then you went home to your parents. I should send them an apology card.” Tess can’t help her burst of laughter. She buries her head in her hands, shaking her head, knowing that her response was so wholly Paige that it was kind of sickening.

“It was…intimidating,” Tess says slowly, lifting her head. “I’m not experienced. At all. You were my first in so many ways and none of it was even real. That’s embarrassing to admit because you’re the complete opposite of that.”

Paige scratches the back of her neck. “Not really.”

“No?” Tess inquiries.

Paige inhales deeply. “I know you have no reason to believe me, but I never…slept around. I slept with one girl before you and she was my first. We were together. Didn’t end well. I dated around for a bit and she spread the rumor that I was sleeping with them. Couldn’t really address the rumors, my brands were freaking the fuck out, my manager suggested a PR relationship… Rest is history.”

Tess suddenly feels like a complete idiot. She lays her head down on the bar as she groans, completely embarrassed. “You sat there and let me call you a whore?” she demands, her voice a silent hiss. “Oh my God. I’m literally such a jerk. Why did you never say anything?”

“Was embarrassing,” Paige says, shrugging a shoulder.

Tess huffs, quirking a smile. “Touche.”

“When did you realize?” Paige asks. “That you were in love with me.”

“In New York, when we were walking to Times Square,” Tess admits. Paige exhales sharply. “I’m sure I felt it for a while. I just couldn’t name it. But…we were walking, and you looked so pretty in the city lights, and I was thinking about when we first met, in Gampel. I wanted to get to know you then. Playing against you was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. But I missed my shot and it’s just…insane to think about the fact that almost three years after that, we’d be in New York together. And then you smiled at me and squeezed my hand and you were my New Year’s kiss. It was inevitable.”

Paige glances at her. “I realized I was in love with you after dinner, the day before.”

Tess can hear her heartbeat in her ears. She turns to stare at Paige, almost waiting for Paige to admit that it was just some sick joke, but the blonde is gazing at her fondly. “You what?”

“I realized I was in love with you after–”

“No, I heard you,” Tess says, laughing in disbelief. “There’s just no way you mean it. Not after you said ‘you caught feelings and thought that changed things.’”

Paige sinks into herself, looking guilty again. “I didn’t mean that,” she says. “I was scared. I know, stupid excuse, but it scares me, Tess. I’ve never loved anything or anyone like I love you. I’ve never really had anything permanent. My parents divorced when I was three. When I was old enough to realize what that meant, I felt like, I’on know, I wasn’t enough for them to stay together. I love my step-parents but… it was so easy for them to love someone else. It’s stupid–”

“It’s not stupid, Paige,” Tess interrupts, her heart hurting, suddenly understanding.

Paige’s smile is somber. “I dated around to find something that would last, but it never worked. It’s lonely being me. Nobody gets it – the pressure, the expectations, the sacrifice. I felt like I was searchin’ for something I couldn’t find until I got to know you and realized I was looking for someone like you. ...For you specifically.” Tess has no words for that, her pulse thrumming in her chest. Paige sighs. “When I said what I said to you, I thought I was protectin’ you. I’m not someone who lasts. I’ve never been good at long-term, but, fuck, Tess, I want long-term with you. I didn’t wanna hurt you. I was scared that I would, so I said all that ‘cause I thought you’d maybe move on from me and find someone you deserved. And I ended up hurting you, anyway.

“I realized I was in love with you after dinner,” Paige says again, undeterred. “You were wearin’ my sweater and you looked so fuckin’ beautiful. Then you fell asleep with me and I called Aubrey. I told her I thought I was in love with you – and you were layin’ there, jus’ soft, and happy, and I thought, ‘I can’t hurt her.’ But I’m selfish. I wanted to keep you. I meant it when I said you don’t gotta be afraid with me. And I only said we didn’t have to label anything ‘cause I didn’t want to lose you. I never thought we’d be here – never thought you’d love me, too, so I just wanted to enjoy it while nothin’ was wrong. It all mattered to me, Tess, everything mattered to me; every time you called me, when you trusted me, when you first held my hand, when you first kissed me, when you let me show you how much I loved you even though we didn’t have the words for it yet. It all mattered to me and I’m so fuckin’ sorry I acted like it didn’t.”

The two of them sit in contemplative silence for a while. Tess can hear – and feel – each and every one of her heartbeats. For a long time, this is all she’s wanted to hear from Paige, the apology, the explanation for the private parts of her she couldn’t ask about, the I’m in love with you, too. Now that she has it, she doesn’t want to fuck it up, but all of this is so scary. It was easy to deal with the emotions when they were in New York and nothing was wrong, when it was easy to pretend that they could have all of the love without the ugly parts. Now, they’re forced to see all of each other. They have so much more to lose now.

Tess has historically made a bad habit out of getting in her own way. She overthinks constantly. It’s Murphy’s Law – if it can go wrong, it will go wrong. She scares herself out of opportunities. But when she just stops thinking and lets things happen, she builds rickety foundations in her relationships. All of the times she thought she was saving herself heartache by avoiding the difficult conversations just so she can keep Paige have backfired on her. It led to their argument on Thanksgiving, to their argument now. Had she been a little more honest to Paige, to herself, about how she felt, then perhaps she could have saved the both of them months of anguish.

So, Tess meets Paige’s hopeful eyes, and she says carefully, “We can’t keep hurting each other like this.”

Paige exhales, not expecting that response, but she nods. “I know,” she agrees. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it – just… fuck, I don’t wanna get on that bus tonight and not be yours. For real. You’re all I want, Tess. I can’t let you slip away from me again.” Paige searches Tess’s expression, her eyes wide and yearning and pleading. Tess can’t help but soften. Haven’t they been through enough? Wondering what was real and what wasn’t, suffering through arguments when they could have easily fixed their problems with a conversation. Tess doesn’t want to go to sleep tonight and not be Paige’s, either. It’s all she’s wanted since June.

But Tess knows that they can’t pick up where they left off. They both have to heal, understand their relationship and its boundaries a little better, and for the love of God, get rid of those fucking rules (although the communicate one had some credence).

“I want to take this slow,” Tess says after a while. “We need to do this right.”

Paige relaxes, relief on her face as she nods in earnest. “I can do slow,” she promises. “Just want you.”

Tess cocks a smile, her gaze warm, and Paige’s expression is so full of love that it’s almost disarming. “Maybe we can start slow later?” she suggests, watching the gears turn in Paige brain.

Once it clicks, Paige doesn’t waste any time. She leans forward, one hand cupping Tess’s cheek, her kiss softer than anything Tess has ever felt before. She tastes like a promise, like the vow that they’re going to do right by each other from now on. The knowledge that this is real, that there’s no catch or stipulation or some stupid fucking rule, makes their collide sweeter. They were inevitable, tied together by one strand of fate; it’s taken them a while to get here, but Tess is Paige’s and Paige’s is hers, and that’s all Tess can ask for right now.

They eventually have to break away – Paige can’t stop smiling, which makes it difficult to do much of anything. Tess shoves her back with a hand to her chest, grinning softly. “You’re so fucking annoying,” Tess says, hopelessly endeared.

Paige just smirks proudly. “Not annoying. Just in love.”

Tess rolls her eyes fondly, drawing Paige in to murmur against her lips, “Same difference,” and in the same bar Tess almost threw her life away in, she kisses the woman she’s in love with, the woman who reminded her of its importance, and she knows everything is exactly as it should be.

[user2772636]

So American

Oh God, it's just not fair of him

•○●$☆$●○•

•○●$☆$●○•

When your french boyfriend loves to tease you about how "american" you are, you just think you should write a song about it.

---

Actor!Joseph Descamps x Singer!Reader

Warnings: none but flufffff

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---

Joseph Descamps wasn't fond of the fact that "the americans" drove on the right side of the road or that the wheel was on the left side of the car. But you grew up here, and he trusts you.

It helped him relax, knowing what you were wearing. His famous brown leather jacket with an "I ♡ Paris" shirt on the inside. You looked like a tourist in his country, but he guesses you look "trendy" here.

He places his hand on your thigh, and it's warm enough to make you shiver in relaxation.

To you, Joseph Descamps was the dream boyfriend. He's pretty, tall, smart, funny, fashionable, and even more. What you liked most was his accent and the way he speaks his mother tongue. He's almost too perfect, like a man you'd only find in poems.

Every time you cracked a joke, he'd laugh uncontrollably. He understood every one of them, clinging on the words like a ladder.

When he saw an american flag in the back of your car that you hadn't taken out since the fourth of july, he teased you about being so american. You could only roll your eyes, planning on kissing those teasing lips later.

Every time you kissed, it felt like so many emotions filled you up, but you absorbed it in every type of way. It felt so nice, it felt so good. He made you feel like this and only him.

Being honest to yourself, you'd marry the man. Sure, you're young, and sure you've only been together for a year, but you love him, and he loves you.

•○●$☆$●○•

You get a call from your producer and long-time best friend, asking if you were free over the week, having come up with an idea for a single.

"Well, I think I do. You know how I've been with Joseph these past few months since my break? Well, he's just so perfect. I mean his fluffy hair, his pretty eyes, his pretty pink lips, and his accent, God, his accent. He's so well read and so well dressed and he-"

"Hun, you're rambling again." Fuck. This is the 5th time.

"Sorry."

Plus, every time you lie on your bed, planning on taking a nap, it's so hard to do when he's literally right beside you, available for kissing and cuddling and loving. You're so in love with the boy you sacrificed your beauty sleep. Imagine that.

Okay, so this might be a bit much a bit too soon. But if love ever came up, he'd be the first in my mind. I haven't said I love you yet, and he hasn't either, but I know deep inside me I do. I really fucking do.

•○●$☆$●○•

"Joseph?" He tilts his head up from his paperback, raising his brows.

"Yes, mon ange?" He scoots a bit closer, bringing his arm around my shoulder.

I smile to myself, thinking of a game. "Think of a number."

He smiles back, this game all too familiar for him. "Okay." He pauses. "1, 2, 3..."

"6."

"I love you." I whisper, looking into his eyes from below.

He only stares, lips slowly turning up into a smile.

"I love you, too." He pauses again.

"Je t'aime, mon ange. Je ne peux pas respirer sans toi. Chaque fois que nous sommes séparés, tu es toujours dans mon esprit. Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime." He kisses my lips after every I love you, and my breath stumbles at his confession.

"I don't understand what you're saying!" I laugh, kissing him back on occasion.

"Good." Another kiss. "It's too much for now. Just know I love you." The next kiss lasted longer. It was gentle, it was hungry, it was love.

•○●$☆$●○•

When "So American" came out, it hit the charts. Everyone loved it, and everyone supported it.

That's when they started to get the idea you, famous pop singer Y/N L/N, was dating famous french actor, Joseph Descamps.

Well, we'll see how long we can keep it from them.

•○●$☆$●○•

2 in a row?!?!??! So crazy rn. Its literally 2 am here and im sweating balls over the summer heat. This is hella short sorry but i wanted this so bad.

[sturnstvs]

the smallest man who ever lived - matt sturniolo

warnings: super sad, no happy ending, toxic matt, mentions of drugs

summary: in which being best friends with benefits doesn't turn out they way either of you would have expected

note: also quick thing I don't know if im doing the song justice I hope you like it. this is just my take on it. also I'm bad at grammer and spelling so sorry about that

bold - lyrics

matt x reader.

was any of it true? gazing at me starry-eyed

you wernt sure when It happened. deep down you knew this would ruin you but you still went with it. you wondered if the words he muttered and they way he looked at you was real. you knew it wasn't real but you also knew you couldn't get enough

in your jehovah's witness suit

matt dressed well. everyone who came in contact with him knew that. he had a style that was like no other. even when it was lying on the floor of your room. he cared what people thought of him sometimes but being in the influencer industry he couldn't

who the fuck was that guy?

you didn't recognize him sometimes, it was like he had different personality's for different people. or maybe just everyone else and then you. one time you were at a party for some influencer and nick had invited you, being their best friend and all you accepted their invite. you being who you are didn't go to party's often especially with the boys. so when you saw matt in his natural party state lets just say it more then shocked you.

he was all over girls. dabbing people up like he was best friends with everyone there. maybe he was, you didn't know. you vividly remember you asking nick where matt got all this random confidence from. nick just brushed it off saying matt was just being himself, however to you, you couldn't recognize him.

you tried to buy some pills from a friend of friends of mine

it came back to you one day from some people that you knew that sold drugs, that matt had tried to buy something to calm his nerves. apparently he asked one of his friends not knowing you were also friends with some of them. you knew he was having some trouble however you didn't think that it had come this far.

they just ghosted you

they didnt give a reply back to matt after you told them about what had more then likely been happening. it probly wasnt your place but you did care about him and you didn't want him to spiral.

now you know what it feels like

the first time matt ghosted you, you kept wondering what you did wrong. when you confronted matt about it he shrugged it off as it was nothing. making it up to you in the only way he knew how. sex. you thought he wouldn't ghost you again but you were wrong. at this point you were used to it. he was probably balls deep into another girl for all you know. when matt came to you after he couldn't get the pills you couldn't help but feel no remorse. you had been ghosted before and it didn't feel good, and now he knew what it felt like.

and I don't even want you back I just want to know

reflecting back on what you once had was always a challenge. it brought up painful memories. he had fucked up once again and it was your last straw, you were done. a few months later though you had to go back you couldn't resist

if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

your summer was great. hanging out with your best firends when they were in their glimmering prime. hell you where even talking to a guy. you decided that summer you were going to start taking care of yourself more. you where having the time of your life. however when you and matt slept together for the first time that summer it was like it became something bigger. something that you couldn't get enough from.

and I don't miss what we had

you knew you shouldn't. you knew you where going to regret it but you couldn't help it. his touch was mesmerizing. he made you feel safe and welcome. but at the same time when you guys were away from each other you didn't miss him. you didn't miss him completely ignoring you after the amazing sex you had the night prior.

but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived

when nick and chris found out that you wouldn't be around for a while they where beyond confused. they didn't think any of them had done anything wrong. but after all you said was "ask your brother" and hung up the phone they knew he had done something to fuck it up.

they didn't know. they didn't know you to were hoking up, all they knew was you were best friends. they yelled at matt telling him how fucked up whatever he did to you was, it was like your words were the ones shooting daggers in to his heart. but it wasn't you, it was your message.

you hung me on your wall stabbed me with your push pins

when matt hooked up with other girls you hated to say it but it hurt. it hurt like hell because you knew that one of those girls could eventually be his, even if the sex sucked. with you the sex was great, but that's all it was.

in public showed me off

in public weather it be a party or just simply around his brothers he acted like you guys where strictly friends. you knew deep down you weren't, but that also didn't mean he felt the same

then sank in stoned oblivion

when you to weren't having sex though and were alone, he acted like you weren't there. like you meant nothing to him but then when you came home with a mark on your neck he would ask where you got it from and that only he could mark you like that.

cause once your queen had come

he found is dream girl. you knew it was never going to be you, even though you wished it was. they clicked so well, like they were matches in the missing puzzle of life

you'd treat her like an also-ran

you found out the hard way he treated her like he did with you, just as her girlfriend. which in terms was way worse. you felt bad for her but at the same time, it was matt. this shit always happens with people like him

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man

matt wasn't a man. he wasn't a gentleman you would see in disney movies. he was fully grown and had the appearance of one, but he just wasn't actually one. he treated girls like they were a piece of gum. he was still in his douche bag phase

he kept repeating the same cycle with you over and over again. it was never ending.

you guys hooked up, he treated you like shit after, said you where friends to everyone, fucked something up with you, you would say you where done telling his brothers you wouldn't be over, and they would yell the same shit to him once again. he still however didn't seem to take the message to change.

you hated to say it but you wanted more, you wanted to be something to him but all your friends told you, you were crazy and you knew they were right. he wasn't going to change.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

you always wondered if the world was against you. nothing seemed to go right in the endless void that was your life. you knew you had enemies. being attractive your whole life, getting guys peple wanted you knew you might have had enemies especially being friends with so many influences, so when matt started acting this way towards you, you thought maybe this was a clap back from someone who hated you.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

everytime you guys finished and you fell back to bed he seemed tense like their was a monster hiden under the bed.

were you writing a book?

you always wondered why you fell into this situation. it was something that you would read in a book. you never thought that you would live it. was this research for him. was it a book?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

was he doing this because it was his job? there was no way, the matt that you grew up with would ever do this to you but here he was doing this to you.

in 50 years will all this be declassifed?

you often wondered if he would ever tell you why he was doing this to you but you soon found out that it wouldn't be for years if he ever did say something.

and you'll confess why you did it

he finally told you after about the sixth time of the back and forth that he did it for you because he loved you and he didn't want what the fans would say to ruin that.

and I'll say "good riddance"

when he finally told you this you where happy, he finally told you the one thing that had been hanging over your shoulders. but you weren't happy with the way he planned it out.

cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

you could see it in his eyes, though you knew that he was still worried. a relationship wasn't seen in the near future and you both knew that. once he had confessed why he did what he did, it didn't make you immediately awe at him like he thought it would. he hurt you deeply and he was paying for it. and he was an idiot for thinking it would end well.

i would've died for your sins instead I just died inside

if you where to ask younger y/n if she would take the heat for matt she would've instantly said yes but if you were to ask present day y/n she would say "no he hurt me to much" her heart died with all the love she had for matt stored in it as well.

and you deserve prison but you wont get time

she thought after what he did he should be locked up for all the damage she knew he caused on her heart. unfortunately for her, however you don't go to prison for emotionally hurting someone.

you'll slide into inboxes and slip though the bars

he tried so hard to contact y/n once she ran out of his house that night but it was no use, she just left him on read. he even tired going to her house but she wouldn't answer

you crashed my party and your rental car

you had a party after your argument with matt wanting to let off some steam. nick and chris were invited but their brother was not. he was the reason you had this party, he was the reason you had changed. somehow (probably from his brothers or social media) he found out about the party and came to try and apologize but you wouldn't accept it. he left extremely annoyed at himself for causing you the pain that he did. he ended up crashing the car that he rented while his was in the shop, on the way home. and when you heard about it the next morning you just said it was karma

you said normal girls were "boring"

he always told you when you guys would have sex that you were very adventurous with the things you did. other girls before you weren't as exciting as you were.

but you were gone by the morning

he would leave instantly early the next morning. going from your house to his before his brothers woke up. leaving extremely late at night and in the early hours in the morning, he would always tell you that he did it so you wouldn't get caught but you were never 100% sure that was the reason.

you kicked out the stage lights but you're still preforming

he dropped the act he pulled when you were sleeping together but he was still trying to get you back even though that was the last thing you wanted.

and in plain sight you hid

it was hard to show his face after what he did to you but he had to put on a brave fake smile to the camera for his job. but you could tell he was trying to hide the shame he brought upon you.

but you are what you did

you could never forgive him for the pain he caused you. he wounded you so deep you had to cut off your childhood best friends because it was too much to even look at him. every time you did look at him you were just reminded of the heartbreak.

and I'll forget you but I'll never forgive

you moved on as soon as you felt ready enough to. even though it took a while to heal after the cut matt had dug deep in your chest, you were eventually able to move on. a year later you saw him again and you made eye contact, but you turned away quickly walking up to your boyfriend. you could never forgive the man that hurt you, while also hurting himself in the process.

the smallest man who ever lived.

note: some parts in here might be a little confusing and I'm so sorry about that. like taylor i dont know what you mean by some of these lyrics.

sorry this might be bad. I'm not great at writing.

make sure you check out my other one shots and my delilah series!

requests are open! so feel free to send me some! just make sure to look at my restrictions

[just-a-carrot]

Hello carrot I have a first Page of a book that im reading could you tell me it its interesting???

Chapter 1

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Marco

 

"Dad, I'm going now!" I waved to my dad and I headed out the door. My dad said something but I didn't hear him. My shoes clanked as I walked to the bus stop. I moved from Texas to California last month during summer break, which I didn't really mind. I mean living near my abusive mom wasn't the best thing so I'm glad we moved.I still remember the day my dad saved me from her. "Marco!" my mom yelled. "Come here you little shit!" My footsteps clanked through the house as I ran to my mother. As I got to her I felt a sharp smack. Her hand hit my cheek and I stood in shock. My feet shaked as I didn't know what I did. Was I too noisy with my friends? Did I forget to do the laundry? "W-what did I do mother?" My breath came out shaky and I felt tears forming in my eyes. "Your stupid father wants to take full right custody of you" my heart skipped a beat. I could be free. I COULD BE FREE! Only after she saw the joy in my eyes she raised her palm again and the tears from the earlier attack finally sprung out. The only thing I remember is my dad picking me up and enrolling me in this school and he told me that I was safe with him. The court is happening early December but I do not mind. I didn't really have friends at my old school, not that I plan to have any friends but also I heard that there was better education in Cally than Texas. I'm a junior in High school so basically I just need to not talk to anyone or do anything embarrassing and I should be good to go. Right as I hit the bus stop that smelled like drugs and smoke and yet nothing of the sorts was there the bus stop was heavily graffitied and it looked putried as I kept walking. I bumped into someone. Just my fucking luck. "Aw, man I'm sorry!" I looked at the person who I bumped into and my jaw dropped.

What stood in front of me might as well have been the hottest man on the planet. His blue eyes and dark brown hair weakened my knees, and his scent? Oh god! He smelled like honey and spices, and oh god it was addicting. I think that I have never seen a man that beautiful. "It's okay..." I blushed and I tried to hide my face with my beanie. "No seriously, let me make it up to you" the boy said. "You only bumped into me... it's all right" I tried saying because he didn't do anything horrible he just bumped into me. "I guess, and whait! I haven't seen you here before, are you new?" "yea I just moved from Texas..." I mumbled trying to hide my face even further. "Aww man that must suck! I'k tell you what, you can sit at my table if you want, my friends won't mind. Oh! Also my name is Mattholomule but my friends call me Matt" he smiled brightly. I feel trapped like a mosquito in a jak or like a fly hitting the window over and over again. I couldn't tell him no. because for god's sake I was attracted to him and he was just so sweet. I lifted my head, put my beanie in a normal way and I nodded and smiled. "Sounds good, and thank you Matt. I'm Marco" I know this will be a bad decision, I mean I don't even know this dude but... it could also be... rewarding. After I said that the bus arrived. 

Do not steal!!!

did you mean "writing" and not "reading"? because it doesn't really make sense you'd share something with me that you're reading 🤣

and this is lovely! i'm not, uh... really any kind of critic, so i'm not entirely sure what to say LOL but i'm glad that you're having fun writing your own story! the only advice i might give would be that things happen quite quickly one after another, so i might try to slow the pacing down a bit? to give us more glimpses of each character and their personalities and the setting. but the setup is certainly very interesting!! i wish you the best of luck on your writing journey

[angiiepaniic]

omg omg another Red Dead Redemption selfshipper!! hi hi hello hello!!! I saw your profile pic and I was like COULD IT BE!?!? Another selfshipper in this fandom!?!? Blessed. Very blessed. You are very real for having Bill as a F/O. There's a lot to his character that could be explored and I always enjoyed interacting with him around the camp. He just needs love and you are here to give it to him!! <3 Question: How do you and Bill celebrate the festive season together? :) What kind of a present do you think he'd really love? Anyways, sorry for this random ask. I got excited.

don’t be sorry! i get SO fucking giddy when people send me asks! it’s only happened twice but i’m ecstatic every time!

and trust me don’t u worry i smother this man in cuddles on the daily (if i don’t he gets clingy. i also get clingy. we are babies)

i’ll be honest - bill and i are p lazy, and it being summer over here (australia) means we EXTRA do nothing, so most of our time right now is movies and snacks while standing in front of the a/c (and constantly reminding bill to hydrate bc he literally always forgets)

bill is honestly SO hard to get gifts for (yet again so am i) - he’s sentimental but he’s not materialistic, he’s used to getting by with the bare minimum so he just sorta shrugs when you ask what he wants (even if he really really wants something) - something that will ALWAYS get him tho is something small and romantic. he may look big and tough but that fool is SO deep in his feelings, so anything that has emotional value will MELT HIM!!! we’re talking cute photo frames with pictures of us, bouquets of flowers, things we can enjoy together, that sorta thing

he’s also always happy to have food, that’s just how he rolls

i honestly don’t know what to get him this year especially since it was his birthday only last month (i have a couple ideas, but i’d have to think them over a lil more) but i guarantee you he’d say the same abt me bc im so indecisive

tysm for the ask! im always happy to see another rdr fan let alone a selfshipper! jack is such a valid pick, i love running around as him in the first game <3

[winderlylandchime]

Thank you so much. We are all doing much better and in true fashion of my family we somehow have managed to turn it all into laughter. But I do come bearing gifts! Aka random updates about the man that according to my parents I am related to even though I have doubts.

-He burned down his kitchen… twice…in 1 week. All is good, he is good but he did learn a valuable lesson that noodles need water. And that lighting a candle with a paper on fire is NOT a smart move. He is on first name bases with the fire department already though because last year he got his hand stuck in a vase and walked to their station with it and then proceeded to ask if he can go down their pole (he was allowed)
-He made 3 of his (new) friends watch qaf (prom ep and first 4 of s2) and it was INSANE! I felt like I was watching straight men watch Super Bowl. A lot of “WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! GO TO THE FUCKING PROM!” And my all time favorite his friend going “I can’t fucking believe I am rooting for a 30 year old man to crash a fucking prom to get his 18 year old boyfriend back” and my brother screaming at him “STOP USING YOUR FUCKING LOGIC WHEN WATCHING THIS SHOW! IT WILL RUIN IT!”

-Brian the cat had to wear a tiny shirt because he had to have surgery (nothing serious all is good!) and of course my brother made him his very own Brian shirt. My mom said that the vet was very confused by the “I have more balls than the other Brian” shirt… Which, I for real had no clue he put that on the shirt until my mom sent me pics

-he is still very very obsessed with QAF. Any time he or anyone in my family makes an inappropriate comment, he immediately follows it up with ‘Bri Bri would love that one’

-he made our mom and dad watch it in June and he only got into an argument over Brian 1 time. He stormed out and then 10 minutes later came back bc he realized it’s his apartment

-mom and dad both hate Craig. And Mikey. And Ben. And Lindsey and Mel pissed them off too. Dad felt bad about that one bc i was there (i was confused bc im not a fan of them either tbh) so he donated money to a lesbian org to make up for his guilt to which my brother responded by calling him a bitch and saying ‘gay rights! But fuck those two’

-He joined a painting club. He sucks at painting but wanted to try it out and “plus it can’t hurt, worst case, I make some new friends” he forced me to go with him (he’s been very lovely during this grieving journey) and we walked into a painting class full of senior citizens. He thought the “seniors painting club” meant 18+. He made friends with all of them by talking shit about politics. Except the lady named Susie, he got on her good side after he snuck alcohol in and tried to ID her for it.

-he got a tattoo of a duck with a knife and a speech bubble that says ‘duck around and find out’ dad stopped talking to him for 4 days bc of it

-He tried 3 times in May to quit smoking and failed each time because “the world is pissing me off, it’s either this or murder and we all know im crazy enough” however he succeeded it in July due to the next update

-The man went on dates!!!! That’s right plural!!!! It was a mess! But a lovely mess. And a whole ass story that I got to witness first hand because I stayed at my parents over summer. honestly this was the one thing that I was SO excited to tell you guys about if he allowed it (which he did and im typing it up as we speak)

-oh and he also had to have another small surgery on his leg in September and was on crutches for a month but somehow (see update above) he was a lot more chill about it (not really, he was still his usual chaotic dumb self but he actually slept/ate/rested when told (you guessed it due to the above update)

-and last one he said i have to share if I want permission to share the story, which is that the Shrek playlist works. His date found it hilarious on their official real first date and couldn’t stop laughing once the realization kicked in that it’s accidentally in love over and over.

Dear sweet anon!! I am screaming because you have been so missed! I legit had people who would say to me "remember anon and brother anon?" and we would wish you both well. I am so excited to have you back.

HE BURNED HIS KITCHEN DOWN NOT ONCE BUT TWICE AND THE FIRE DEPT ALREADY KNOWS HIM. Of course. Of course. Why would this not be true?

Imagining a group of straight men watching QAF and responding like it's a sport is... well, an image. And your brother is very correct, we can't think too long about some parts of the show otherwise the ick is there.

I am cackling about your parents watching the show and your dad feeling so guilty for hating the lesbians that he donated to a lesbian cause. It's okay Dad Anon, the lesbians hate Mel and Linds. They're written horribly and there's so much biphobia. It's cringe (again one of the things we can't think too hard about).

Your brother joining a seniors' painting club is giving Ted on Schitt's Creek dancing with the old ladies. The pun in his tattoo would be one that Ted would be proud of too. Sorry Dad Anon. (My parents hate my tattoos too and none of them make any reference to a curse word)

Listen, I got spouse to quit smoking when we were still in our flirting stage. We were in grad school in one of those long seminars that require a break and they said "Do you want to come have a smoke break with me?" And I responded, "You smoke?" with alllllll the judgment in my voice. And they literally never smoked again. Things people will do for the horny.

Okay I'm leaving dating to the next update because I've read ahead (my spouse hates that I love spoilers but here we are - they have healthy lungs and are married to someone who will read the end of a book first).

YALL IT'S A DOOZY.

[intertexts]

HIIII ROS i am sorry i never replied to your reply to my ask from a while ago i am so bad at that ;-; in response to that kinda (bc we were talking about jhariah) i did see them live! 3rd concert ive ever been to in my life & it was life changing... i was front row n there was a baby mosh pit n i was with my best friends it was so good <3 i didn't get to see all the songs off TRUST CEREMONY live but if he tours again i will try to get tix because i must see CONTROL BABY live... my faves are control baby n fire4fun n russian doll <3 but it is my fave album ever created (except maybe Måneskin's Teatro D'Ira vol 1)

Dont wanna yap too much but other music im liking rn: Dua Saleh's ROSETTA ep; Missouri Surf Club's songs Rotten & Kingdom Come; Jean Dawson's entire discography generically but specifically SICK OF IT* and New Age Crisis; Ethel Cain's everything; and then im still consistent w the narcissist cookbook, an unkindness, sons of the illustrious father etc. I have been getting into a crazy amount of music since summer started though so there are sooooo many others but i wanna know what you're listening to! i like your music taste as ive said :3

ANYWAY I think i might just send another ask because this is ramble-y n u dont have to reply to it bc its overwhelming but!! Yeah hehe okay p. 1 - mare

HII HI HI no worries!!!!!!! all good i'm also really terrible at it!!!!!! hehe <33 jhariah concert & mosh pit is SO awesome though.. man.. thats so cool.... love that experience for u!!!! <333

checking out all of these rn they're SOO GOOD.... dua saleh ROSETTA ep literally going on the repeat playlist rn omg. ough. how have i not heard them before. holy fucking shit. missouri surf club goood i love the florence influence.... jean dawson & ethel cain WHOO!!!! hell yeag. god. u also have such good music dude. good shit.!!!!!!!

what have i been listening to!!! shit!!! this is gonna be LONG but u asked for it!!! a lot of morcheeba (big calm), de la soul (the grind date), sneaker pimps (bloodsport), tricky (maxinquaye) <- one of my all time faves, madvillainy, cibo matto (viva! la woman), yaeji (with a hammer), chai (wink)... summer to me is usually very hot & humid & sticky & dreamy to me (busted ac) so this is my laying on the floor staring at the fan vaguely dissociating rotation.

other than hip hop & trip hop-- dragon new warm mountain i believe in you by big thief!!!!!! somehow never listened to this one & i'm ill over it. & july flame (other all time fave) by laura veirs & central reservation by beth orton (<- huge recent discovery ill over her voice) & broken social scene self titled for my acoustic rotation...

heavier set: been getting BIG into creature feature they're literally so fun. i think u might like them tbh. american gothic is my fave so far!! summer is for shitty pop punk 2 me!! esp. when i actually have to Do Stuff & not lay on the floor melting. so. we the kings, fall out boy (cork tree & infinity on high), the cab, the academy is..., yellowcard, motion city soundtrack, alkaline trio :]

ALSO special mention 2 blue sky black death (slow burning lights, late nite cinema, noir) bc their instrumentals make me so insanely nostalgic & have been my writing soundtrack for the past month!!!!

[castlebyersafterdark]

awww noah lmaoooo nooo the fan account thing! ok so some non-juice: one of my fam members is a creative and their product became viral famous for about 3 months a few summers ago cos a member of a huge K POP band bought one of their pieces and suddenly every fan of this band wanted a version of the item. they were snowed under and followers/engagement etc shot up. it was stressful and hilarious and great for business for a while lol. but i remember cracking up at seeing how this person i had always known became this semi-public figure and the way i was like I KNOW THE REAL UYOUUUUUU hhahahaha

i imagine that's what is happening here with noah, like it's oddly thrilling to view someone you know and love through the lens of strangers and fans who only know their fame. maybe noah is kind of laying down breadcrumbs for the future when they wont be able to film together anymore? or sort of celebrating finn's (and his!) fame by trying to view them through the lens of being a fan. this is such a reach but the psychology oddly works out for people with weird brains like me (im gonna reach and say noah is an Odd Brain too lol <3).

i remember timothee chalamet, when he got famous, saying he would stare at pictures of him and his mum for ages. just like trying to get your head around who you are and your relationships with people you love. its sort of like us staring at pics of finn and noah but its them doing it to themselves lmao. does that make sense? i bet loads of people have stared at selfies of themselves theyve taken where they think they look cute. i bet people have stared for hoursss lmao just revelling in how hot they looked that time

so yeah i see this as mildly freak behaviour (we all know noah is an actual stan lmao) but also a way of clutching the present before life changes forever

WILD that happened to a relative!!! The sudden fame must be such a mind fuck. I cannot imagine. Suddenly being perceived.

But that does drive a good point, the fact that despite being rich and famous, a lot of celebs do strive for a normal life. Maybe not the most tippy top of A listers, but Noah and most of the younger cast do seem able to at least somewhat navigate a famous life and a private life. He is so engaged with his online fandom and persona. That seems very apparent. Viewing the people you personally know and interact with through the lens of that fame must be very interesting to switch into. Like how they hang out and work together but can still be fans of each other's work and projects, the duality of knowing someone intricately and intimately but also the somewhat aloof distance of "but I'm also a fan of them." Like when you see major celebrities freaking out at awards show red carpets about seeing other celebs and I'll think - girl, that's your peer? You're also in movies? But they still feel that way. An oscar winner fangirling over another actress. Even if they might get lunch the next day. It's that duality line again.

So I can understand this fan account thing, two-fold interesting if there is a relationship afoot. That extra layer. For suuuuure, mild freak behavior, but he's lowkey a little weirdo. And we love that for him.

And only semi related but still kinda on topic. The whole perception of knowing someone and the image put online. Like, I don't even have a FB and I don't post on insta, but my fiance does (ohhh!!! that's the first time I've typed that word on this blog 🥲 oh wow...) and I have a private account to follow and occasionally look at stuff on there. And to see what he posts about me. I'm living my life. Living with the man. Experiencing the random things he photographs. But it's fascinating looking at what he decides to post and share. Because sometimes I think... why do that? I look and it makes me happy but I wonder, why these moments? Others like seeing them clearly by those who hit the little heart button. Why maintain an online presence? Before this digital world, people used to keep photo albums for themselves and family only, but now our photo albums are all shared with the world. Is that all it really is - the adjustment to a change in media tech? Who is it for?

But we can ask that of any person with social media. I guess for most people I'd think it's sharing a memory or showcasing happiness or some other emotion. It's just what most do now. The veneer of social media. You wonder the thought process behind what gets posted by these famous people we follow, what they think of knowing that the posts they add to their digital photo albums have millions of eyes looking. How a guy with a crush on a friend maybe just wanted to feel silly and watch some videos people online edited with his crush's image - or his partner, if a relationship is there. What is he looking for when he watches the edits? Pride, envy, humor?

Way too complex to even get into, I'm really rambling now.

[sergeifyodorov]

I just reread strange trails and I'd love to know your inspirations for it! Your ideas behind the worldbuilding, the genesis of the plot, all that good stuff if you'd like to share!

the backstory

im a college student and was unemployed all summer. in order to pass the time while waiting for local jobs to reject me i started a crochet project. throughout pretty much the entire month of june. and possibly also may. i would make my squares and listen to the strange trails album. straight through. every day. i may have gone a little bit insane.

but it's okay. i'm already insane.

lord huron (the band who made the album) has like. lore. am i familiar with this lore? no i am not. am i aware nonetheless that there is lore? yes absolutely. if you listen to their discography there's definitely lore -- recurring themes (resurrection, adventuring, magical seductive women, etc), motifs (depends on the album but strange trails is big on flowers, trees, snow, although there is one song that's set in the desert), characters (they keep mentioning a guy called the world ender.) anyHway the point of all of this is that the music is [solid 7.5 out of 10 but it scratches my exact brain itches] and very evocative of the imagery and idea of a deeper world. my favourite off the album (and one of my favourites in the discography) is la belle fleur sauvage, which tells the listener about a long perilous quest for some mythical thing (a flower. also a woman. metaphor), although one of the ones whose imagery i enjoyed the most is frozen pines, which is a little less concrete but invokes images of cold, the side of a mountain, strange happenings, etc.

the idea

those songs are definitely the most direct inspiration for it but unfortunately my process for developing ideas is kind of terrible because it involves less "sitting down and coming up with stuff" and more "wait for a 60% formed idea to smack you upside the head like rapunzel in tangled and her cast-iron frying pan." which quinn and his sad little corpse did.

if you go back far enough in the quinnfic tag on my blog u can see the post right after it Happened. the idea was literally "quinn hughes carries a corpse up a mountain, and horror."

so i take this little piece of grit from which my pearl of questionable moral integrity will be built and i ask it questions. first off: quinn, why are you on that mountain? who is the corpse? is anyone else with you? soon enough petey decided to join him (although quinn is and was always the protagonist/pov character). the body was The Ghost Of Vancouver before it was brock over top of that.

another inspiration, which i realize i'm leaving out, is this

this is artist grayson perry's work "hold your beliefs lightly" from tomb of the unknown craftsman, and this image of a long perilous upward journey towards some sacred place really combined together with la belle fleur sauvage to form the base idea of the world for the work.

and of course why would you carry a corpse up a mountain to some sacred place if you couldn't resurrect it at the end?

quinn

im big on metaphor. if i'm writing something long it has to have a Point to it, some larger theme than romance and stuff (this is mostly because i'm bad at writing romance)(and also big on curses and the like.) and also because quinn hughes asexual barb i never fucked/i never fucked/all my life man, fucks sake. this was also being written right before the peak of Canucks Captaincy Debate, and in our hearts didn't we all know quinn was going to be the one to wear the c?

so it became pretty clear pretty quick that as well as my attempt at writing horror that this was going to be a quinn character study -- and this is where i should talk about my other fic scheherazade.

in scheherazade, auston actually doesn't make a lot of choices -- he tags along, arguing with the narrator/bill, and only starts to take an active role in the way the story is going near the end, when he finally gets sick of it all. quinn, however, is not at all the same kind of person as auston. he's less artistic and more practical; an older brother instead of a younger one; jewish; not nearly so squeamish. he takes an active role in the story from the very beginning, showing up to the base of the mountain with his pack full, both prepared and not for what lies ahead.

the mountain

vancouver is smack in the middle of the north shore mountains, so there's a million hiking trails about, but the one i can most easily think of (as someone who hasn't been to vancouver in several years) is the grouse grind trail, a popular and fairly short trail that the canucks prospects actually do every year, so i knew quinn and petey (both vancouver draftees) would be familiar. i've never actually done the grouse grind, which was part of the reason i decided to kind of. toy with reality. you can't call me out on inaccuracy when it's Not Real On Purpose (although the sign at the 1/4 mark is copied directly from photos i've seen.)

petey and the plot

once i added petey, i knew i'd have to get rid of him -- a lot of the scene ideas were quinn-only, and petey's way too sarcastic and useless (AFFECTIONATE) to engage seriously with the ideas presented to him like quinn would and did. so i needed to divide them up.

the original plot idea from the outline is actually pretty similar up until the end of chapter 6 (the conversation w the ghost), but it differs in a few crucial ways -- one, quinn breaks down again, crying and everything, and two, he actually does go through with the resurrection instead of using his wish to get petey down the mountain safely. i realized around then that this wouldn't work with the quinn i'd created, especially after his argument with the ghost: he's far less focused on glory than stability, less interested in the cup or his contract and more interested in the safe long bet than high rolling. in a cold, wet environment like the mountain it's a lot easier to get hypothermia without noticing than it is in a dry environment, even if the dry environment is several degrees colder than the wet one. and quinn would know that, having seen petey's thin little sweater and knowing his stubborn ass is going to freeze.

so after that it became about hypothermia. i actually had a bit of a writing pause after this because i knew i was going off-outline, so i had to kind of inch ahead until i knew where i was going. but i'm happy with how it turned out!

[iworshipsappho]

c!tommy for the headcanon ask game :DDD

🧸👻🎭🥇📚💔👽😶😭

(you dont have to answer all/more than one of them, idc I´m just really curious lol)

OOOOH this is gonna be funnnn >:333 strap right in!!!

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood mmm so ykn choomy was just 9 during the whole first war right? well uh imma take his childhood to be before everything went down. He was a summer child, bright vibes, all toothy grins and scraped up muddy knees. c!wilbur was a damn worrier, every time he saw c!toms all bloodied up mans would get anxious as fuck despite the obvious joy on tommy's face. and so when will wud bandage tommy up, tommy too would take a couple bandaids and stick them all over will's face and colour them in. so like when they're done wilbur wud just be a mess of awkwardly stuck bandaids covering his face while tommy would be haphazardly patched up :')

👻 A headcanon about what scares them mmm well, we all know about the tnt. im not too sure if the phantoms are canon or not, but to me ctoms is definitely terrified of them. and dont even get me started on bodies of water. both remind him of sleepless nights during exile and just utter helplesssness. im sure we all remember him waking up drowing every single fucking day. so yeah...

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about oooh he's such a fucking liar man. he lies about almost everything, but not in a ooh im a teenage boy who's an idiot way. he just doesnt think that anyone would actually be interested in what he has to say. the only person he didnt lie to after exile was revivedbur, even with tubbo sometimes he wouldnt know whether or not to tell him how fucked up he actually was and wud lie that he was fine all the fucking time. another person he never lied to was probably cjack, he just didnt care what jack thought of him. oh he also probably lied about all the times shroud inadvertently hurt him, to chommy thats just how the spider shows affection and acknowledgement

🥇 A headcanon about what they’re best at he's the bestest boy ever. period. uhhh but liek if i had to specify smth uhhh my boy loves to crochet and he's ace at it. i personally dunno much about crochet but like i know we as a fandom widely headcanon the blue sweater knitting thing but like, imagine crocheting man. he'd just go full brrrr mode with it. like, someone wants smth? boom he fucking crochets it for them, in my mind, c!beeduo have a bunch of crocheted alliums that chommy made. (alliumduo my beloved, id give my life for them)

💔 An angsty headcanon ooofff my boy is the embodiment of angst man ffffffff. mmm so ykn how ctom's limbo was just utter darkness? well what if it wasnt. what it instead of darkness, he had every single "mistake" he ever made replayed over and over like a dream sequence? what id he spent months just unable to escape from visions of his life on the dsmp. the community house, cgeorge's house, the foirstever time lmanberg blew up, nov 16th, doomsday, techno killing tubo, etc etc. all things that tommy think he couldve stopped, all the things he blames himself for. what if his limbo was both complete isolation, but being hounded by his past. what if

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there mmmm c!tommy with braids my belovedddddd. i do it, so he does it to. whenever he gets anxious or fidgety, he just plucks out the front few strands of his hair and just starts teisting or braiding them. over and over, undoing and doing htem again, just to keep himself grounded and his hands occupied. he also adresses every bee he meets as if htey're ctubbo's messenger, calling them a big man and trying to leash them. oh and when he picks flowers, he comes up with whole backstories for each one :333

😶 A random headcanon! oooh he was sooooo a loom band kid man istg. he would be obsessed with them!!!!! like henry's horns would be completely covered in like absurdly coloured sets of loom band bracelets even his own hands would be coveredddddd in them up till his elbows. at least. and like he even managed to drag ranboo into it and to tubbo's absolute chagrine they both would just sit for hours on end making bracelts. c!techno was also roped into it during exile, and phil would just look at them amused. ooooh if only c!phil had a camera, he would have soooooo many pictures of techno's supposedly "deadly" base littered with torn pieces of loom bands

💜

[simothys]

I wanted to send you an ask for the DnD Ask but I reallized I didnt really know about your PC. Can you tell me more about em??? /gen

hi thank u!!! i did fully forget i rb’d that ask meme, sooo apologies for not answering this!

so firstly. i do not have any up to date info on my PCs on this blog. Vincent’s game ended back in May this year & i got a new project w him, Tommy’s entirely new (at least in D&D form), etc.

Vincent Rostova:

his tag

the tag for the batshit rp project hes in

straight up as of the last time we updated the full word count, it was at 111k, so there is no concise way to sum this up.

me, @quaxorascal , and (more recently added) @dumpstermaster have been RPing an AU of a game Iz is in. we have been doing this for nearly 5 months.

tldr: haha what if we were all boys and then we all were torn from each others lives and upon reuniting had to reconcile with the changes time has scarred into us and learn how to fall in love all over again haha

Vincent is an aasimar goliath! his aasimar guide is an angel of the hunt and the summer and shes intense and is so hot and im so lucky Vincent is a gay man bc he would have given himself fully to her and became ashes in her light if he liked women. anyways.

he is also a divination wizard, but is primarily a battlemaster fighter! his familiar is a kestrel named Gawain. she had to be informed that kissing is a nice and good thing, not a form of attack, the first time she saw Vincent kiss someone on the lips.

Roxanne Andromeda

her tag

ok once again theres no like concise way to sum her up. shes my babygirl shes so much ive had her for 3 years.

tldr: oh okay i killed the source of my fear & no longer have to fear death at my lover’s hands. wait what do u mean im still afraid and have to learn to live and love beyond this fear that has been my reality for the past decade. what do you mean my story doesnt stop there. (oh also narrative bullshit, rediscovering religion, learning to love and allow urself to be loved)

Dove, no, Kat, no, D’vir, no… Roxanne is a changeling bard of lore and inquisitive rogue. shes. so much and i love her.

Tommy “Rosalie” Lennox

her tag

i juuust started playing her recently in @saturnidchoir ‘s cowboy game…. shes a gloomstalker ranger wildhunt shifter milf and shes So Tired and also why the fuck is there a 15 year old here and HOW did she get hired shes not even lying about her age i cannot adopt yet another fuckin child—

UM YEAH HI. enjoy

[breakfromtoront0]

Shuri x OC angst, a little toxic.

I wake up patting the cold empty side of the bed where my girlfriend usually is sleeping beside me.

Not lately though, this past month I’ve been waking up and going to sleep on my own, pining for her attention, because I know how good we were and could be now together.

I sigh getting up and letting my feet take me to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and getting in the shower, it’s still warm in here, enough to tell me she was in here this morning, the hint of her presence is the most I get these days.

I finish up getting dressed and head to Shuri’s lab, as I twist the handle I’m confused to find it locked.

“Miss Kiana, The queen has instructed me to not allow you in the lab, as to not distract her”.

I make a face interrupting him “what the fuck?”, I’ve been patient with her, only coming in the lab to steal a quick kiss, bring her food or try to engage her in some small talk.

“What else did she say Griot?” I say now I’m pissed off.

“She said today is a busy day and if you were an understanding partner you’d abide by that”

She never makes time for me, and when she does she stands me up with no explanation.

I walk up to the glass placing one hand there stealing a glance at her as I feel a tear well up in my eye.

I forgot my worth over this woman who can’t even spare me a glance, fuck that.

I throw off the kimoyo beaded bracelet around my wrist, the earrings, necklace.

I open our. No her bedroom door throwing my shit in a suitcase and changing into something more fitting for the occasion.

I’m dressed like a damn housewife and going crazy over someone who don’t pay me no mind? Helllll naw, I think to myself getting more hype as I zip up the back of the dress and slip on the heels.

I head out throwing my bag into the trunk of my car and head to the nearest hotel, I book a room, have them take my luggage and text my bitches.

“Come pick me up we finna go do some hood rat shit”

I share my location to the group chat and head to the hotel bar, sitting on a stool I decided I should be mature and communicate.

I open our chat to see “My baby🫶🏽❤️🌹” has chat notifications silenced’

I type out the message and hit send.

Don’t worry about me interfering with ur busy schedule, I’m off you, you’re single gone ahead and delete my number.

I block and delete her contact.

There we go I think to myself before ordering and downing a shot.

Let the games begin

My girls, showed up, I hop in the car with Leah, Talia, and Raini.

“You finally broke up with her?” Raini asks turning back to the road.

“Yeah a pretty face only get you so far, she had you waiting around like a lost puppy” Talia chimed in, I frown.

“Man fuck all that lost puppy shit, I’m bad as hell, and if her ass don’t see it, another bitch will.” I say crossing my legs.

“I know that’s right” Leah says looking back from the passenger seat giving me a high five.

No love by Summer Walker starts up

She always knows exactly how to match the mood, that’s why she always rides passenger with aux privileges.

I start singing along, “You didn’t yet see my worth so you tried to play me” I say gesturing my hands wildly while Talia and Leah sing along with me.

Once it gets to SZA’s part I get hype

“I’m riding through your hood it pissed me off again, finna let new niggas come find me, out there tripping like I don’t got that designer pussy” I say rubbing my curves through the slitted sides of the dress while Talia records me with the flash, posting it to her story.

We continue on through a couple more songs til Raini tells us to get out the car because we’re here, wherever here is.

I get out running to the doors of the club I presume.

“IM SINGLE BITCHES” I say opening the doors as my girls scream along with me, Talia slapping my ass as we walk through the doors.

I immediately find the bar, I’m not stupid enough to get blackout drunk over her but I definitely need to be tipsy if I wanna even try to get laid tonight, two years of not freshening up my flirting skills with anyone else, fuck that.

I down a row of 3 shots quickly before running to the dance floor “throw that ass in a circle” blasts through the speakers and I oblige throwing it as far as it can go, I notice someone behind me dancing with me and spare a glance, it’s a pretty stud, I see her teeth shining as she smiles slightly.

She’s keeping a respectful distance, I squash that and grab her hands placing them on my waist and getting back to work, I see Raini talking to some dude at the bar, Talia showing her skills and Leah recording us both hyping us up.

The song changes to Crybaby by Megan thee stallion, I grab the stranger behind me running to the middle of the floor and whispering to her “watch me” as I get low rocking on my heels pulling my short dress down every couple seconds and showing my skills that I’ve been hiding away for two years, by now there’s a crowd around me hyping me up, I see everyone recording or yelling something of encouragement.

“Yo ain’t that the Queen’s girlfriend”

Someone says and though I keep dancing my heart sinks a little.

The night continues as fun as ever, I take more shots, people approach me asking about Shuri and I just pretend like I have no clue who that is and get back to dancing.

Mya, the girl I was dancing on is fine as hell, pretty brown skin, bright white teeth, a beanie and a tracksuit on, so I’ve been keeping her company, once I finish the last shot I find the last ounce of confidence to do what I’m about to do.

I approach her grabbing her neck gently even with my acrylics on and pull her lips to mine kissing her slowly.

I’m interrupted when I hear Talia “Holy shit girl look” she says pointing to the side, as I look I notice then Shuri approaching me and the girl quickly.

“Holy shit, let’s go” I say tugging her hand, ain’t no way I’m leaving her alone with a jealous Shuri that has the strength of black panther, especially since I pulled her into this somehow.

We run towards the door and I yell to my friends, “IM OUT THIS BITCH!, BYE YALL”.

I reach the door blocked by Dora’s “please let me pass, you guys know how bad it’s been for me” I say losing some of my strength, they spare me a glance but ultimately don’t move, I look back to see Shuri a couple seconds from reaching us and push quickly and strongly through the Dora’s taking Maya with me and hopping into the passing cab quickly sighing.

“Girl what the fu-“ she starts but I put up a finger “Hilton Hotel please” I tell the driver.

I then turn to Mya, “long story short, I was dating the Queen of Wakanda, I broke up with her because she was neglecting me, she showed up, and she probably was gonna hurt both of us so”

Mya’s eyes widen before she closes them leaning back.

“Why do I always end up with the crazy mfs” she says more to herself.

“Shit my bad, she usually doesn’t notice I’m gone this quick” actually now that I think of it, why did she notice this time?.

I check my phone and see all the news articles and sigh, guess I attracted more attention then I even thought to consider, though my ass looks good in these videos though I think to myself.

I get a call from an unknown number and I pick up.

“Kiana, I don’t know who told you to go out there embarrassing me like that, but I promise you, you’re not breaking up with me today” I hear Shuri say and I roll my eyes.

“Pussy comes and goes, especially when you haven’t gotten any for a month, bye now”

I’m playing a dangerous game and I know it I think to myself as I pull Mya in for a kiss.

But I love it.

Y’all give me feedback, this is the first angst I’ve written, it’s not much angst in here but first I wanted to develop the drama.

[literaphobe]

[i'm the anon from earlier] tbh I have no idea how I found you or if I followed you before I started watching mlb!! I follow people rather impulsively and I’ve been on Tumblr forever so it’s hard to tell sometimes but your posts are bangers and I’d reblog them all if I weren’t shy

I started watching mlb because I was binging another show that had come out earlier this summer and I wanted it to last me a bit longer so I thought “oh, mlb is on Netflix, I once had a mutual obsessed with it in 2016, might as well watch a few episodes in between eps of the other show” and well, here we are, three months later 🤠

It had nothing to do with the movie coming out or the Season 5 finale, I only found out about the recency of these when I tried to watch the entirety of season 5 on Disney+ and. there were only 8 episodes. it was two in the morning. I was upset

But how/why did you start watching the show!!!! I assumed you’d also been one of the “company founders” asdfsgsg (1/2)

HI ANON!!!! Oh my god we’re both new-ish??? this is so crazy. i love how u started watching the show. i should think about what random mutuals of mine were into in 2016 too and randomly decide to watch those shows. SPEAKING OF NETFLIX i saw the show summary they gave once like yknow ‘as teenagers, she’s in love with him and he’s oblivious. as superheroes he’s in love with her and she’s annoyed’ LIKE I WONT LIE. i think they slayed that!!!!! mlb is not on netflix in my country btw. its on disney plus tho!! which is where i first binged the show HEHE like july 2022!! been over a year since i first started watching time truly does fly

i started watching mlb because i saw people talking about the s5 lovesquare flip and this was before it happened (ultimately it did not turn out how other people were discussing it) i was seeing tweets like OLD LOVE SQUARE -> NEW LOVE SQUARE and it went from omg chat noir loves ladybug and marinette loves adrien and well all the damn arrows to um marichat being a thing?? and i saw a mutual of mine qrt like ‘yeah tbh marichat is prob the healthiest dynamic in the lovesquare so they should be dating’ and um. well. i wont give my opinion on that but I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT MARICHAT WAS DATING OR SOMETHING AND THAT ID SEE A LOVESQUARE FLIP. so i was like. man this show sounds absolutely insane. and so i clicked on it

AND I LIKED IT A LOT. so i kept watching. and here i am now. june-july 2022 michelle was tricked. marichat is not an established couple. its adrienette. which well. it is what it is. me being me i dont want any pairing established bc i think complicated situations are fun ^_^

i totally get u being upset when there were only 8 episodes in s5 tbh. BUT IMAGINE ME REALIZING S5 HAD STARTED BUT THERE WERE ONLY TWO EPISODES AND GLOOB WAS THE ONE WHO DROPPED THEM. i was like. what the fuck is this. i mean im watching them they are so fun but. why am i suffering. and here i am now!!!

i wish you would reblog my posts but honestly i far prefer having fun little convos like this on anon 😍😍 so i completely love and accept u and encourage u. as long as u drop by my askbox i am already the happiest blogger girl alive !!

also NO im not a company founder no. im the intern who runs into the break room every day and screams ‘WHOOOOOO WANTS COFFEEEEEEE’ and most days no one’s in the break room some days people are there but ignore me because there’s coffee in the damn pot so what’s this bitch on about BUT sometimes someone’s like oh hell yeah ill have a cup and then i start grinding beans on the spot to make bean juice or i like hand out instant coffee packets and smile like i just solved a problem. does that make sense