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myfavebandfizz · 1 year ago

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Nylon Magazine 2023

THE WEIRD AND WHIMSICAL WORLD OF INDIE POP SUPERGROUP FIZZ

Songwriters dodie, Orla Gartland, Greta Isaac, and Martin Luke Brown are making songs of silliness and excess.

by EMILY MASKELL

NOVEMBER 1, 2023

Photo by: Nicole Ngai

FIZZ makes music that sounds like the sonic equivalent of dropping Mentos in a Coke. On their song “The Grand Finale,” an explosive reaction of pop sensibilities and playful lyricism transforms into a melodic menagerie that plays like “Bohemian Rhapsody” from another dimension.

FIZZ is the vivacious pop outfit of pop singer dodie, Irish songwriter Orla Gartland, experimental musician Greta Isaac, and sonic aficionado Martin Luke Brown — four best friends from the U.K. who individually boast successful solo careers and have now become one of indie pop’s newest supergroups: think boygenius but with a heaping dose of whimsy. Their paths crossed professionally at first, singing backing vocals and playing in bands for each other’s solo work, but the exact moment FIZZ came into fruition is a murky memory. “There’s a text dodie sent to Orla, around 2021, like, ‘Do you want to start a band,’” Martin tells NYLON, but this is only a trace of the band’s formation. FIZZ was born from the quartet’s natural evolution from colleagues to friends to bandmates.

Uniting their fan bases with an otherworldly exploration of escapism, FIZZ celebrates the sacredness and silliness of their friendship on their debut album, The Secret To Life. Its 12 songs spin twenty-something existentialism into maximalist psychedelic theatrics. “Blink twice, you’ll miss the highlights/ God, it’s a hell of a ride,” they harmonize over crashing drums on “Hell Of A Ride,” balancing lyrical angst with a wide-ranging sonic landscape. The band is built on an aesthetic of excess: maximalist in color and energy in the world of FizzVille, where FIZZ’s album resides.

Between giggles and mimicked guitar riffs, the energetic four-piece chatted with NYLON over a recent Zoom call about the making of their debut record, touching on how they found collective creative freedom, channeled feminine frustration, and built an eccentric world for themselves with The Secret To Life.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

NYLON: You all were friends long before bandmates, but do you remember the moment you became FIZZ?

Martin: We don’t really know. We’d all been down to Middle Farm Studios to do live sessions for Orla in 2021, and Pete, the guy who runs Middle Farm and produced our album, said: “Seeing you guys perform together is really cool.” I booked [the studio for] a week but we didn’t know what it was going to be. I wanted it to be a holiday from our music careers. We wanted this to be egoless where we’re not thinking about how [the music] is perceived or aiming for radio. All of those things start coming into your mind the longer you do it because you want to have a feasible career, but we wanted just pure fun. It was an exercise in letting go and saying yes to everything.

What does being in a band together mean to you?

Orla: For me, it’s letting go. It’s easy to get bogged down in details when it’s your name and face, but trust falling back onto each other with every aspect of this project allowed me to not sweat the small stuff.

Martin: The moment you start promoting stuff you feel like it might be contrived, or you’re exaggerating for the sake of people’s consumption. But the music’s so untainted, it’s a time capsule. The songs are made out of joy, love, silliness and friendship. I’d never really get that in my own project.

Greta: What’s been special is capturing the in-between of what happens in music. It’s the things you don’t hear on a record: the energy of the room before you hit record and the mistakes you make but correct. There’s a tactile energy between people when you play in a band.

dodie: I never really had a successful writing session before FIZZ. I’d try but feel so stuck on what I wanted to say. Writing with these guys was the complete opposite. All of my ego and technicality came up but then I’d be like, “Fuck it! Who cares!”

“IT’S A MIRROR TO BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES, FROM BEING SUPER VULNERABLE TO BEING STUPID.”

You said FIZZ was something else before. Did the band originally have a different name?

Greta: Chairs!

Martin: We were pretty close to being called Drew Bandymore.

dodie: It’s so stupid. We should’ve done it and gone on her talk show.

What was the writing process like? Were you all bringing in bits from your solo work?

dodie: It was a mixture. Usually, Orla would write a verse and chorus. Or, one time, Gret and Martin were in the bath, I came home, and they were like, “Record this!” I put my phone through the door and did not look! That turned into a song called “Strawberry Jam.”

“Strawberry Jam” is one of my favorites, but “As Good As It Gets” stands out as this immense track cathartically tackling misogyny. How did the song come together?

Greta: Originally, it was a lot more pop punk, “American Idiot” vibe. But we started to realize, thematically, [the track] was leaning toward the feminine experience. Matt, our drummer, and Martin on the piano were guiding it. They were the solid pillars that meant Orla, dodie, and I could express ourselves lyrically and melodically.

We wanted [“As Good As It Gets”] to be poetic: it starts off as something typically feminine, soft and gentle, like the way we’ve learnt to move in the world. The whole song is just about realizing your worth. It’s not coming to this big conclusion, it’s just a, hang on, wait, when did I choose any of this?

youtube

The record moves between that vulnerability and playfulness, like on “Rocket League.” How did you all find that balance?

Martin: Honestly, we’d think about what song goes where and what we need at a certain point in the album. Generally speaking we just followed our energy. The quiet stuff like “You, Me, Lonely” and “Lights Out” are the tracks people would expect from us given our [solo] projects, but we didn’t want to do just what people expected.

Greta: It’s a mirror to being in your twenties, from being super vulnerable to being stupid. It feels like a snapshot of this time in our lives. It’s giving range!

It is! The album intro, “A New Phase Awaits You :-),” gives listeners a chance to escape from reality. Was this also an invitation for yourselves?

Orla: I wrote the opening script for that after having a little… [mimics smoking a blunt]. In “The Secret to Life,” we don’t say what [the secret to life] is, so it feels like we’re selling hot air and luring people in with this Scientology energy. But was it an invitation for us to also step into that? Absolutely. Recording that was one of the weirdest fever dream musical moments I’ve ever had. It didn’t feel weird to do a spoken word elevator piece, which speaks to how crazy we all went.

The band and album have such eccentric and unique imagery. How did you land on FIZZ’s visual aesthetic?

Greta: When we were talking about the creative direction of the album, words that kept coming up were: retreat, fantastical, and escape. We wanted to mirror the experience of writing the album in the visuals. We referenced films we liked growing up: Willy Wonka, Alice in Wonderland, and The Wizard of Oz. These technicolor films take place when someone is being taken out of their normal lives and into another world. They’re odd films trying to make something joyful and a little bit strange.

So we made up this world called FizzVille where everything exists, it’s this part-town, part-theme park that creeps up in the digital world and will be a feature in the live show. We worked with [photographer] JP Bonino who helped realize FizzVille. It’s a world that keeps expanding.

This is my most important question. FIZZ, what is the secret to life?

dodie: We don’t know… but I’m starting to think it’s going outside. [Laughs] I’ve changed my mind a lot. I think it’s gratitude.

Greta: I thought you were going to say Gret.

dodie: Gret is the secret to life.

Orla: One of us needs to have a deeper answer to end this interview.

Martin: I think the secret to life is community. Finding your people, looking out for each other, and being nice. Nothing groundbreaking.

FIZZ’s ‘The Secret To Life’ is out now.

#fizz #yourfavebandfizz #fizz band #all #interview #nylon #nylon magazine #Youtube

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litchizzle · 2 years ago

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12.29.22

HELLO I GOT A NEW MECHANICAL KEYBOARD

And I am typing on it bc it feels nice :) When I was trying to think of somewhere where I could type a lot of stream of conscious bullshit I thought of tumblr :) :)

I do sometimes wish I had kept up with posting on here more often so I could get a full account of my life up to now, but... there are too many places to do reflections these days and it takes a lot for me to keep up with them. Plus it’s not like my posts on tumblr ever were a good representation of my life - it was just a place to rant and word barf and write back in the day when writing perhaps meant more to me (and I was a dramatic little shit)

I did just read a post in my drafts from midway through 2021 and I seemed a little lost about what to do with my life/career and it scared me a little bc I resonated too much with that, and it’s been 1.5 years and like I haven’t figured my shit out????

But I KNOW I KNOW I have actually come a long way. This year I think I figured out a path career-wise and have started carving my way forward - slowly but surely. I also picked up some hobbies again since then. Crazy to think that it happened this year because now it feels like I (should) have always been doing this. But I started painting and making art again, and just doing more creative hobbies in general. I think I always scattered a few creative activities here and there (maybe more graphic design related things in 2020/2021 though), but I had neglected the more tactile drawing/painting that always brought me a lot of joy. So I’m glad I pushed myself to start taking art classes this year, which definitely helped me restart the hobby again.

I also rebooted a lot of health/mental health related habits again - exercising regularly, meditating, reading. I’m getting better at being disciplined at those things. It’s almost weird to think of times when these things weren’t built into my habits. So yay progress!

AND this year did start to feel like the pandemic was lifted off our shoulders a bit more for me. I went out a lot more (especially in the summer) - met new people, tried to looked for new activities to do and ways to explore the city. I have lived in Boston for two years now and this year I really felt like I was getting to know it better finally - which felt really really nice !!! And it feels a lot more like home. We also moved to a new apartment. It feels a lot homier and happier than our old place. Perhaps I was starting to feel a little stale being in that old apartment all the time though, considering that was like my “pandemic apartment” and I was there literally all the time...

I did not intend for this post to turn into a yearly reflection thing, but TIS that season after all. 2022 started out pretty rough (it was a bad winter) but I think I grew a lot from that dark time LOL. There were a lot of negative thoughts that pushed me forward to do more things and try more things. I would say that I tried to embody “growth” as much as I could this year - with baby steps because you have to start somewhere. And a baby step is better than no step.

I am looking forward to 2023, not just because 23 is a special number to me (lmao) but also that I feel surprisingly in a good place right now and ready to take a bigger step. And I trust that I have the tools and the strength to go forward!!! I think this past year (or even two) has been a lot about resetting and gaining those tools again, after a weirdly destructive 2020. (Well I don’t think 2020 destroyed me that much but it put me in a weird place in terms of life and goals) (I felt really lost about my focus and values, in a way where I wasn’t really thinking about those things - I was more carefree perhaps) But I somehow feel more confident now about where I am and where I want to go - even if it’s not super clear, I know what I want to TRY at least. I know I want to keep doing things that make me happy and pushing myself to grow.

I will detail more specific goals later of course, but a general theme I have been thinking about is “intentionality”. I often feel like I am water, I go with the flow more than I should. This used to be a personality trait I held proudly, but I know now that it’s not always a good thing. If you flow too swiftly sometimes things pass you by. And sometimes you get no shit done LOL. I feel like I often go with the flow so often that when I think about where I am in life, I wonder how much of it was because of my own doing. It’s that whole “do I have free will” debate, but amplified in my brain because I’m SUCH a passive person. So much of my life has just been saying “yes” to the right thing at the right time - which I don’t discount, I think it’s great where it’s taken me - but it makes me feel..... like I don’t have control and take charge enough. Even for small things.

Which is not even true, bc I do take charge of small things ok - I wouldn’t be surviving here if I didn’t. But I’m just a VERY externally motivated person, a lot of my decisions are influenced by others (or done for others) OR my actions are triggered because of something someone else did. Which is fine, individuality is a myth and we’re just combinations of the people and things around us BUT

I want to at least be more conscious about the above, and how they relate to my decisions and actions. I want to actually act on the ideas I have of “oh I would like to do this” instead of waiting to see what other people want to do. AND I want to be intentional about the things I do, truly think about whether I want to do something or if I’m just “going with the flow”. I want to be more proactive, less reactive. I want to initiate plans more (I think I’ve been getting better at doing this) When I make plans for myself, I want to be more willing to follow through with them.

That is the gist of it. I think it correlates to just being more aware of your own actions and surroundings. (Which is something meditation taught me!) I don’t want to be living in a vacuum/matrix/haze or whatever you call it. In general I have been moving away from this but next year I want to put more effort into this mindset. Bias for action as they call it :^)

Anyways this has been a lot. Happy Holidays

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maulusque · 4 years ago

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Clone genetic enhancement ideas

So the clones were genetically enhanced, but i don’t really see any writers (in fanfic or in published stuff) really exploring what that MEANS beyond “clone very stronk”. Here are some ideas that would actually make clones significantly different from just a regular-ass human in peak condition.

-enhanced senses: eyesight, hearing, etc. I’m talking eyes like a HAWK

-better reflexes

-quicker information processing

-can hear sounds of higher and lower frequency than standard humans

-can see light of a broader spectrum than human standard

-learn quicker, retain information and skills better (potential problem: if you learn something the WRONG way, that way might stick really well)

-photographic memory (really useful for memorizing layouts and maps)

-immunity to various diseases

-can tolerate a wider range of temperatures and environments

-increased stamina and strength baseline. Clones can just run full-tilt for hours and hours and be like “ah a nice stroll”. Over long distances, they can out-pace jedi in the same way that humans can out-pace horses.

-higher tolerance of certain poisons/toxins (clones can straight-up drink ethanol, and get maybe a little tipsy)

-bodies respond quickly to physical stress, and slowly to the absence of it (basically, this means that physical conditioning results in stronger muscles and a stronger cardiovascular system really quickly, and it takes MUCH longer for a clone to lose strength and conditioning due to not exercising than standard humans. Think how much valuable training time is saved if they only have to go on a run like, once a month in order to stay in shape)

-increased ability to function through intense pain and acute injuries. Basically, semi-disabling the pain system so it’s less distracting. Probably not good for the survival of the individual in many situations, but an advantage on the battlefield.

-heal faster and better, with fewer long-term complications. Clones can dislocate their shoulders and NOT have the joint be permanently fucked up, because the Kaminoans re-designed the whole damn thing to suck WAY less.

-actually, unique internal anatomy. There’s probably a lot about the human body besides the shoulder joint that is actually just really stupid, and something no intelligent designer would actually build. So the Kaminoans can fix a lot of that stuff. Better knees, maybe. Stronger ribs. Maybe Cody punches droids not just because he’s a mad bastard, but also because his metatarsals are literally as strong as steel.

-Hearing loss/hearing damage? No problem, your ear can regrow those little hair-thingies that help you hear.

-Of course, it takes energy to maintain muscle mass, which is why human bodies lose it if we’re not using it. Clones need significantly more calories than standard humans. However, their digestive systems are enhanced to extract calories and nutrients from food much more efficiently, so food goes much farther. Potential weird side effect: maybe clones only have to poop like, once a week?

-You could probably extend that into increased ability to tolerate long periods without food/on low rations, despite the increased need for calories.

-wouldn’t it be NEAT if the kaminoans somehow designed self-repairing DNA. This would mean that others couldn’t take a DNA sample from a clone and modify it to create their own clones (basically, it protects their product. It’s like DRM for clones). This ALSO means that clones couldn’t get cancer, and that they’d be immune to radiation poisoning. So a clone could just walk up to a sphere of uranium at critical mass and pick it up. Maybe with oven mitts on if it’s hot. (this would also make it harder for a rapid-aging cure to be developed, but uhhhh fanfic writers find a way)

- “bred for obedience” I think most of this would have to be accomplished through tightly-controlled messaging and cultural norms as the clones grow up- basically, enshrining obedience as a desirable and almost sacred trait, to be prized higher than anything else, including the lives of your brothers. In the same way that we hear stories of people sacrificing their lives to protect their loved ones, the clones would grow up hearing stories of soldiers sacrificing their brothers’ lives to obey an order from a superior.

-SOME of the “obedience” thing could be engineered, though. Humans are already super social, but it would probably make sense for the clones to have an even greater need for social bonds. This would make for greater teamwork and coordination, and better unit cohesion, since the clones would be more inclined to prioritize friendship/agreeing with someone over winning an argument. It would also make it so they’d bond with their natural-born generals more easily, so they would obey them not just because they’re supposed to, but because they’d be much quicker to see them as a friend, and someone who’s trust they want to earn, someone they want to incorporate into their group and make happy.

-consequently, clones who find themselves alone do NOT do well. Isolation has a much more profoundly negative impact on clones than on regular humans.

-Originally, clones designed to operate alone or in small teams would not have the social enhancement- ARC troopers, spec-ops teams, etc. There wouldn’t be much of a noticeable difference in everyday interactions, but they’d also be vaguely weirded out by what they interpret as aggressive friendliness from their brothers, and their brothers would think they’re a bit shy and standoffish.

-actually this social modification would make it MUCH harder for clones to kill people. REGULAR HUMANS are already super bad at killing people- i remember reading this article about how as soon as soldiers have to point their weapons at actual people, their aim gets mysteriously much shittier. Even when compared to situations that are exactly the same, except they’re not shooting at other humans. So reconcile this how you will, idk.

-I imagine a lot of these enhancements would be accomplished not through DNA, but through microorganisms. Retroviruses could explain the DNA resistant to modification, and the increased healing speed, and possibly some disease resistance (do i know anything about retroviruses other than a vague concept of what they are? no i do not. will that stop me? also no.) Their metabolism can be partially explained through specially engineered gut microbes.

-not sure how they’d go about making clones “resistant to any stress”, because you can’t exactly turn off the trauma response in the brain without breaking a bunch of other things. They could probably do a bit of fiddling to make clones more resistant to chemical imbalances, and therefore more depression-resistant. I think most of the “stress-resistance” would have to come through training. Either they train the clones to basically suppress everything, which might work alright in the short term. OR they actually have systems in place that help prevent the development of things like PTSD and help treat trauma. Meaning the clones are literally trained in self-care, positive self-talk, talking about their pain with their brothers, and having community rituals around things like death and grief. I don’t think that’s super likely because one thing that’s integral to those concepts is the concept of “i am a person and i have worth, and if i feel angry about something bad happening, that is ok and valid” and considering that a whole lot of bad things happen to the clones all the time and their childhood is a whole boatload of bad all happening at once, i don’t think the kaminoans would want the clones realizing “hey wait a minute i’m a person and i don’t deserve to be treated this way and it’s ok for me to be mad at you”.

- the clones were supposedly engineered to be “less aggressive” but i think there was literally nothing more to that than a cover story for the control chip. The clones wouldn’t be raised with a lot of the aggressive western concept of masculinity, where anger is the default reaction to like, everything, and your personal pride is extremely important and also fragile (no offense lmao). So you wouldn’t have clones posturing and getting angry over perceived slights and fighting each other all the time, like everyone in-universe apparently expects to be the case. Anyway, why would you want your soldiers to be less aggressive? they’re literally supposed to fight and kill the enemy. You want them fully capable of getting angry, anger is the human response to fear and danger that lets us DO something about it.

-obviously the biggest component in how they behave would be how they are raised, but that’s an entirely different post

-Specializations! I imagine that initially, the Kaminoans had different clones with different traits engineered specifically to fill certain roles. However, as the war went on, they struggled to keep up with demand and had to start shoving clones into whatever roles were needed (hence Fives and Echo becoming ARCs, despite not being engineered as ARC troopers).

-Command clones would have better abilities in the executive function parts of the brain that deal with extrapolation, planning ahead, spatial reasoning, etc. They’d also have increased visual pattern recognition (like a pigeon)

-search-and-rescue troops would also have the pigeon pattern recognition abilities. The coast guard literally strapped pigeons to helicopters who would tap a button when they saw orange in the water, because they were better at spotting it than humans. Pigeons can detect cancer in microscope images of cells, because they’re that good at pattern recognition

-Pilots would have hella reflexes, excellent spatial awareness and spatial reasoning skills, much greater ability to process visual information, stronger hearts and blood vessels (to resist greater Gs of force), and they’d also be much shorter, to better fit into a cockpit. Which reminds me of Axe, that poor bastard from Ahsoka’s squadron over Ryloth who was almost eight feet tall. rip poor Axe, how did you even become a pilot, you long bastard.

-medics who can smell certain diseases. If you want to get a little bit out there, make the medics able to purr so they can sooth stressed-out patients.

-infantry would have even greater endurance than everyone else, as well as greater tolerance for, and ability to, remain constantly on alert.

-ability to fall asleep at will? that would be super dope.

-maybe more efficient sleep, so to an adult clone, 4 hours of sleep is genuinely sufficient.

-concept: clones can sort of turn down their bodily functions- slow their digestion, heart, lungs, the whole nine yards- to last longer in adverse conditions. Sort of a half-hibernation (or quarter hibernation- they’d still be able to talk and think, but they’d feel very lethargic). They wouldn’t be able to function very well, but it would be great for things like enduring intense cold, periods without food, low-oxygen environments, and it would be especially useful if you were wounded and waiting for help, since you could slow your circulation, meaning it would take you a lot longer to bleed out. This state could be triggered by a combination of physical actions such as sitting or lying still, breathing slowly and deeply, and focusing on slowing the heart down (humans can actually slow down their hearts consciously if you practice at it, this is basically that, but turned up to like 1100).

-one thing that never made sense to me was the whole “we’re running out of jango fett’s DNA, all the new clones won’t be as good, and we have to stop ventress from stealing the original DNA” because like, can’t they just, get the EXACT SAME DNA from the clones?? you know, the exact genetic copies? With all the enhancements already done? But now my idea is that the kaminoans have engineered the clones so their DNA straight up can’t be copied. The clone’s own body can obviously replicate it, but if you take a sample and try to extract the DNA, it just self-destructs or something. This is to protect their intellectual property, but also means that they literally have to use a couple of Jango Fett’s actual human cells for every single clone they make (and the fact that they then have to do all the above enhancements to every single embryo helps explain why there’s so many small mutations, such as hair color and height). So they kinda shot themselves in the foot with that one.

-of course since things like ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component, the kaminoans could theoretically engineer those out of the clones, but actually FUCK THAT so for whatever reason, that’s just not something they are able to do, and neurodivergent clones are absolutely a thing

#maulusque's stuff #meta #clones

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mammoneymelon · 4 years ago

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How the brothers would react to finding out that MC is autistic

before anyone says anything, i’m autistic and just really want some representation

TW for ableism! the boys are doing their best but no NT immediately knows everything about autism

it’s a bit random, but i headcanon that lucifer has misophonia, so it’s only a matter of time before a noisy/verbal stim starts to drive him up a wall

“what in the devildom are you doing?” he’d ask, eyebrows scrunched in frustration

you have no idea what he’s talking about; after all, you’ve just been sitting on your DDD playing some rhythm game

“what do you mean?”

“you’ve been making that noise for hours; cut it out before i have to go find the packing tape.”

you know him well enough to know he isn’t joking, so you nod and do your best to stop, ignoring the feeling of dread beginning to well up in your chest

you go back to your game, and soon enough, you’re back to ‘making that noise’

you see lucifer stand up, bringing your action to your attention.

“oh, sorry! i didn’t realize i was doing it again, sorry!”

“oh?” he asked, looking down at you.

“it’s stimming. autistic people do it a lot more than others, and sometimes we don’t even notice it.” there’s a moment of silence but you realize you just told him something you hadn’t even told your human friends

“ah, yes, i do remember reading about that in your file. i didn’t want to say anything so as not to offend you.”

you shake your head. “dude! that’s personal business! i don’t like telling people.”

lucifer’s gaze seems to soften. “don’t fret, MC. i won’t tell a soul.”

and he doesn’t.

he also totally buys you quiet stim toys

it’s not long before mammon realizes you are terrible at reading the room

you have a terrible habit of cracking a joke at the worst time or saying the first thing that comes to your mind, even if it was at the expense of others

at first, mammon, mammon thought you were really brave. now, however, he sees that you just have no idea what you’re doing

currently, your knack for trouble had landed you in detention, something you’d gotten fairly used to in the human world. mammon was sitting next to you - he was paying for trying to defend you

“lucifer’s going to kill us. again.”

“and whose fault is that?”

“sorry,” you mumble. “it’s not like i was trying to get us here.”

“really? because it’s startin’ to seem like you are. not that i blame ya, if i were you i’d do anything to spend more time with the great mammon.” he gives you a smile, and you really hope that means he isn’t mad

“i really don’t like upsetting people, i just don’t really get tone? i didn’t even realize the teacher was mad until you stepped in. “

“dude, she was on the verge of killing ya! what do ya mean you “didn’t even realize”?

you pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration. “it’s part of a disorder i have. autism. i just don’t get some stuff that comes naturally to other people.”

“ohhh.” mammon slaps his head, feeling like an idiot. “sorry,” he murmurs, and you barely hear it

mammon, being, well, mammon, will probably forget.

it’s not that he doesn’t care! it’s just not something that comes up in conversation.

of course, when the two of you do talk about it, he picks up on the symptoms pretty quickly. he’s a pretty smart guy, and he’ll do anything and everything for his human

the two of you are working on a co-op dungeon while you talk about your current special interest

“wow, MC, you know a lot about this!”

“thanks,” you respond, and it hits you - you’ve been infodumping almost this whole time

“haha, yeah, blame it on the autism brain,” you joke absentmindedly, not really caring if he knew. you two were good friends, why would being neurodivergent make a difference?

levi, on the other hand, does a double take. being the gamer he is, he’d definitely heard the word used as an insult, but he’d never thought about anyone actually having autism - much less his best friend

“MC, you have autism?” he turns to you looking genuinely confused, his controller sitting, forgotten, in his lap

“um, yeah? it’s not really a big deal,” you say, shrugging

“yeah it is! i mean i knew you were pretty weird, since you hang out with me-” he stops mid-sentence, realizing his mistake. “NOT IN A BAD WAY, OF COURSE! ah sorry, i said something stupid, like always.”

you shake your head with a small smile. you can tell he’s trying. “trust me, i’ve heard much worse. you’re fine, levi.”

he glances up at you, face red from embarrassment, and your smile widens. “i mean, i don’t think like ‘normal’ people anyway, so yeah, i kinda am weird.”

once you leave his room, he’s at his pc, researching more vigorously that he’s ever done for a class

the more he learns, the more annoyed he gets at the complete misunderstanding of the disorder

ultimately, he just wants to make sure you feel supported and understood

you’re sitting in the library, doing your homework while satan looks over your essay, checking for errors

“oi, MC”

“what’s up?” you respond, still focused on your work

“are you scared of me?”

this prompts you to look up, focusing your eyes on his hands

“i was when i first came here, and i definitely would be scared if i really pissed you off, but no, i’m not scared of you. why do you ask?”

“you never look me in the eyes. or my brothers, actually.”

oh. you’d been hoping no one had noticed. “oh, i just don’t like eye contact. it makes me uncomfortable.” you return your eyes to your paper, hoping that was enough.

“how so?”

so it wasn’t enough.

“i’m autistic, genius. i figured it was obvious by now.”

“oh. that makes sense.” that’s all he says, so you try to return your focus to your homework.

satan is probably the most comfortable talking to you about it. he’ll ask you questions about your personal experiences and make an effort to understand you better

one day you look over his shoulder to find him reading an article on masking on his DDD

he cares deeply for you, even if it’s hard for him to say so

asmo has wrangled you into yet another shopping trip

“MC, look at this!! you have to try it on!”

one look at the article of clothing and your face is already scrunching up

“absolutely not.”

“awe, why not?” he gives you the biggest puppy eyes and you sigh. he knows your weaknesses.

“the material. i hate it.”

“but it would look so good on you~”

clearly, he’s not going to give up unless you explain yourself to him

“sure, for a couple seconds, until i have a complete meltdown,” you remark. “i’m autistic, so some textures just make me feel really bad.”

his mouth makes an ‘o’ shape, and then he goes back to looking confused. “i hadn’t even thought about that as a possibility! you should’ve said something earlier!”

he feels really bad about all the times he’s touched you without warning. he thought your shock was cute (and he still does), but he knows that autistic people sometimes dislike touch - he’s definitely had at least a couple autistic ‘partners’ in the past

he’s quite the observant demon, quickly picking up on sensations you d and don’t like. if you’re bothered by smells, he does his best to lay off on the perfume - granted, it’s a necessary part of his routine that he absolutely cannot give up completely. he lets you play with the dimmer in his room so you can find the amount of light that works best.

occasionally, he’ll have to tell you that he’s trying his absolute best to flirt and you are giving him nothing. you’re just like “oh shit i didn’t realize”

asmo’s just a sweetheart who wants you to be comfortable

beel unfortunately has to learn about your autism because of a situation out of your control

you’re in the gym, keeping him company while he works out

you’re searching his bag and you realize you don’t have your headphones

oh fuck.

you always bring your headphones to the gym; the sounds of televisions, music, people talking, weights clinking, treadmills rumbling... it’s too much

not to mention the stench of sweat and the florescent lights - truly an autistic person’s nightmare

you squeeze you eyes shut, but that only makes the noise worse. you’re surrounded by noise and you can’t stop it. it occurs to you that you’re no longer breathing properly but it’s just too loud and you’re so small

“MC?” beel’s voice is soft and filled with obvious concern. you open your eyes, seeing him kneeling in front of you. your eyes sting, and you realize you’re tearing up. “MC, are you alright?”

all you can do is shake your head

“do you want to go home?” you nod, biting your lip as he stands up, making you feel even smaller.

he quickly packs his things into his bag and offers you a hand, helping you get up

he quickly escorts you outside, where you practically gulp for air.

he waits patiently with you while you slowly ground yourself.

“okay, let’s go home.” you explain sensory overload as you walk, then tell him about your autism

beel, like asmo, is very observant and he learns surprisingly fast.

he’s also very protective of you. if someone triggers you, he won’t hesitate to tell them off before doing a grounding exercise with you

he’s basically you’re giant therapy demon and you love him for it

it’s becoming way too much. you’ve been masking heavily for months, monitoring your every move while doing your absolute best to thrive in a (literally) completely different universe than what you’re used to

you’re laying facedown on the couch, practically unable to move. you want to go to your room, but your body won’t let you

“mc?” you hear belphegor’s voice. “are you trying to imitate me?” he teases

you simply groan in response, not wanting to bother

for a moment he goes silent. then, you feel a hand on your shoulder

you jolt up, swiping his hand away as you let out a small shout. belphie’s eyes are widened in surprise

“don’t touch me! ...please,” you add as an afterthought, feeling bad for scaring him

he sits with you on the couch, taking care to leave space between the two of you. “what’s wrong?” you don’t respond. “mc?”

“burnout. too much. feel bad.”

belphie has absolutely no clue what that means, but he figures he knows something that might help.

“want to take a nap with me?”

you have to think about it before responding with a “sure” and slowly crawling into his arms (if that’s something you’re okay with)

it’s night when the two of you wake up. you still feel awful, but you can at least cope better.

once belphie’s more awake, he asks you what the hell happened

“two words: autistic shutdown”

“that doesn’t explain anything” - belphie really doesn’t know anything about humans

you do your best to explain - you were born with a brain that works a bit differently than most humans. some of the symptoms are an aversion to change and ‘odd’ behavior that’s difficult to hide. when you get too stressed, you just kinda ‘shut down’

he takes a bit to really understand, but once he does, he does his best to support you.

he falls asleep to your infodumping and you find it endearing

he gets good at recognizing when you’re starting to shut down and he always convinces you to take a break via a cuddly nap

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that-bi-bitch-writes · 4 years ago

Text

A Cursed Reality-JJK x M!Reader (Ch.2)

Question: Do you guys prefer longer chapters or shorter chapters? I’ve been making an effort to write longer chapters but if you hate reading them I’ll write them less.

Warnings: fluff, comparison of Inumaki’s speech to a disability/handicap, cursing. Dislike of Maki (Not me. wrong bitch. I love her)

Previous || Next

Chapter Two:

[Name] actively dislikes hanging out with the second years. Not that they’re bad people in any way, it’s just he’s anxious and awkward, and even after spending a year familiarizing himself with the school and the people in it, there’s like a small group of people he would invite to his birthday party.

That and he just doesn’t care for Maki Zen’in. And it is most definitely mutual. To him, she’s just pretty. She also won’t die in a battle between her and a curse below first grade. But that’s about the end of her appeal. Of course, Panda is fun to tease but he typically plays the peacemaker between the second years. [Name] would rather not care about people in peace.

There’s no dramatic reason to it all, it’s just [Name] didn’t really come to Jujutsu Tech by choice so he hadn’t intended on making friends. He obviously failed considering he befriended Inumaki within his first day and they have some homoromantic vibes going on in their friendship.

That’s not to say you can’t platonic cuddle with your best friend but when you longingly gaze into each other’s eyes and he’s the only friend you’ve made besides an annoyingly hyper 30-year-old because no one else understands you like he does… And it kind of goes both ways considering you’re the only person he trusts himself enough to have a full-on conversation with.

Yeah, it’s not looking very good for the argument that they’re not gay. They’re not though. At least not now.

“[Name]”

“Yeah toge?”

“You look like you’ve got something on your mind” Inumaki responded. And although he had plenty of experience saying words, having a conversation without using safe words felt a little weird. It was an aspect of who he was now and [Name] being immune to the cursed speech wouldn’t erase the problems he had with talking and it didn’t make [Name] his savior or soulmate.

Luckily [Name] was both lonely and not a complete asshole because he had no problems adapting to the switch between Toge’s ‘onigiri glossary’. Learning it was actually a really fun experience because it turns out Inumaki did not have the exact translation of all his safe words. He would just say an ingredient and [Name] had to fill in the blanks. There was a lot of trial and error and a lot of [Name] smiling down at Inumaki’s concentrated face.

“I was just thinking.” [Name] broke the contemplative silence.

“Hmm”

“You know” [Name] started again “... They say it was believed people kept their souls in their throats” and as Inumaki gave a confused denial (“fish flakes”) [Name] was internally panicking on whether or not he should keep going with this specific train of thought or make a joke to deflect from the very real and emotional but corny statement he was about to utter.

“Ah fuck it. I want to exercise the curses in the world or at least enough to keep you safe so you don’t keep damaging your soul when you use your cursed technique”

“Sujiko”

[Name] looked at Inumaki. And as if breaking off pieces of his soul didn’t matter to him, Inumaki spoke, a short sentence that stunned [Name] into silence

“I love you”

If Gojo hadn’t come in, they might’ve kissed.

“[Name]-kun!!!”

Aaaand [Name]’s sentimental mood was gone. Don’t get him wrong, Gojo definitely would get an invite to [Name]’s birthday party, but the man was like 30 running around being overly cheerful and with that teasing nature he was definitely repressing some trauma. He also definitely had some of the worst timing

“What is it Gojo?”

“No sensei at the end? So mean!

“Fushiguro was sent out to find a cursed object but he’s been out all day with no calls back home or anything. Of course I plan on going to check on my beloved student, but I am busy for the next hour or so. Can you please check on him? For your favorite sensei?”

“My favorite sensei is actually Nanami and he’s not even a sensei but yeah I’ll check on the emo kid”

‘You’re pretty emo yourself dude’ Gojo thought to himself

“Ah Thank you [Name]-kun. You’re a lifesaver” Gojo called out behind him as he left to do whatever it is crazy white haired ‘old’ men do.

‘He’s/I’m totally not doing this for free’ both [Name] and Inumaki thought at the same time.

[Name] got up suddenly and started getting ready to leave paying no attention to Inumaki who watched him get ready with a casual interest. Before [Name] headed out, he turned to look at Inumaki with a serious and concentrated expression.

“Toge.”

“I love you”

“What the hell happened here?”

“....”

“Fushiguro-kun, if you please”

“Well I only know half of the story so it’s best if we hear it from Itadori”

All eyes whipped to the shirtless Yuji who had just gotten control of his body back from Sukuna, the apparent king of curses.

“I’d say it started when I went to school this morning but I think it started a little earlier for Fushiguro. Right Fushiguro?” Yuji asked

‘I swear I’m going to explode if someone doesn’t tell me the how we got this far I mean Fushiguro is bleeding from his head, this pink haired enthusiastic kid is possessed and I can’t tell if he’s too sweet to care or if he lost a few of his brain cells when he and the little emo first year wrecked this building’ [Name] thought to himself.

Clearing his throat he began “Well okay Fushiguro has a lot of really bad injuries so is it okay with you if he just quickly shares his part and then you take over?”

“Ohh Yeah that makes sense” Itadori awed and both he and [Name] turned their attention to poor Megumi who was bleeding from his forehead.

“Yesterday I was sent to retrieve a special grade cursed object and when I got there it was gone. Gojo sensei told me I couldn’t go home until it was recovered. The next day I stalked around the school and investigated when I saw Yuji for the first time.”

“Oh I remember that. It’s my turn to take over now. Uhh. I was in the occult club with my senpais Sasaki and Iguchi and we were asking the spirits about which animal the Student Council President was weaker than ( a fish) and then he burst in the room because he didn’t approve of our club-”

“Fast forward please” [Name] interrupted

“Fushiguro found me after my grandpa died and told me Iguchi and Sasaki were in danger because of the finger so I led him to the school where they said they were going to peel off the seal”

“And that’s why we’re here” [Name] surmised

“So what’s the situation”

“Gojo-sensei”/ “Old Man what are you doing here?” Megumi and [Name] called out

“I wasn’t gonna come but the higher ups got involved. I knew you’d all be fine though, I sent [Name] here to deal with it.”

“That’s true” Fushiguo mumbled

“I’m glad you all have faith in me” [Name] started “But that means I came here for absolutely nothing”

“... So did you find it?” Gojo asked

“Um sorry.... I ate it”

Gojo who didn’t hear the whole introduction and [Name] who didn’t quite get to the eating of the finger part in the story turned to Yuji in shock

“For real”

“Haha you’re not kidding. They’re combined. How does your body feel?” Gojo asked Yuji

“Okay”

“Can you switch to Sukuna?”

“Sukuna?” Yuji asked

“The curse object you ate”

“Oh yeah. Probably”

“Ten seconds” gojo said “Take control again after ten seconds”

“I dunno about this”

“Don’t worry. I’m the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer”

Megumi looked to [Name] after hearing a curious “hmm” but [Name]’s face showed no anger or displeasure.

“Megumi hold onto this will ya” Gojo’s voice bled through Megumi’s thoughts of who would win between [Name] and Gojo. Give it a year or two and it might actually be [Name].

“What’s this?” Megumi asked

‘It better be a fucking weapon’ [Name] thought ‘Because if he sent me out because his important business was shopping he’s gonna regret it’

“Kikufuku Mochi” Gojo replied casually before feeling bloodlust leaking from [Name]. He’ll just have to make it up to the second year somehow

“Behind you” Fushiguro called out and [Name] sucked his teeth hoping Gojo would get hit at least once. He did not get his wish once

“I’ve got a student watching so..I hope you don’t mind if I show off a little bit” . And after that Gojo commenced kicking Sukuna’s ass. Sukuna tried to monologue a little as he sent out a powerful attack, but he missed Gojo on account of Gojo’s infinity dispelling the attack. By the time Sukuna realized Gojo was unharmed it was time for Yuji to switch back.

“Oh was everything okay?” Yuji asked as he came to his senses.

“Oh what a surprise” Gojo responded “You really can control it”

“Yeah, but he’s kind of annoying”

“It’s a miracle that’s the only side effect” Gojo said right before knocking Yuji out with one finger

“If he wakes up and isn't possessed, he might have potential as a vessel. Okay question for you two. What do I do with him?”

“Even if he is a potential vessel… He must be executed under jujutsu regulations…

“But I don’t want to let him die”

“Is that a personal opinion? Gojo asked

“Yes, a personal opinion. Please do something about it.

Gojo smiled and the two of them turned their attention towards [Name] who had been silent throughout the whole experience.

‘Besides being a little too excitable, he’s not bad. Like a puppy. I’d keep him as a pet.’ [Name] thought

“Don’t kill him” he said

“A precious student's request. And one from my favorite second year? Of course. Leave it to me!” Gojo said before lifting Yuji up.

[Name] still a little upset he was called away for nothing, raised his hand in front of his mouth so gojo couldn’t see what he was doing and whispered

“Fall over”

“Aak! [Name]-kunnn”

Fushiguro was shocked to see Gojo faceplant on the ground with Yuji on his shoulder. If the combination of Fushiguro’s wide eyed expression and the sight of Gojo in pain made [Name] giggle a little, he’d never admit it.

#x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #x reader #reader insert #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #m!reader #male!reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #that-bi-bitch-writes #a cursed reality

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kevindayscrown · 4 years ago

Text

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Part 11

Weight

[TW: Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Alcohol, Mentions of Violence, Riko Moriyama]

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Head over to the directory to find the previous parts.

The winter holidays were a nightmare.

Maybe Kevin had the tendency to exaggerate things. Though, who could really blame him?

The Foxes – before they all departed for their holiday destinations – were approaching Kevin in extremes. Either as if he was a wild, caged animal ready to snap at everyone, or as if messing with him was the highlight of their day.

“If you miss him so much, call him,” Nicky had said, ever so casually.

The thing was, that Kevin knew he had messed everything up. There was no chance he was going to call or text Eric after what had happened during the winter banquet.

Partially because he thought Eric wanted nothing to do with him.

Another part of him, of course, simply wanted to punish himself. He had something in his grasp, something other than Exy, and he let it go, just like that.

If no one would bat an eyelash at Andrew and Neil, or at Jean and Jeremy, maybe Kevin could for once, do something for himself.

Disgusting.

Even after his death, Riko’s ghost would not let Kevin be happy. It was all so much, that he hardly thought he had the spine to actually call and apologize to Eric on his own volition.

Coward.

Kevin just knew Christmas would not be pleasant. It should be; it was the first Christmas when he was really free.

It didn’t really feel like that.

He’d thought that perhaps going to Columbia with Andrew, Neil and Aaron would help him forget.

Alcohol would help.

Apparently, however, those plans were ruined too, when Wymack told Kevin it would be a good idea for them to spend Christmas together.

“Abby said it- it might be a good idea. We have a lot to talk about,” Wymack had said, the night before they were to leave for Columbia. “The Foxes will be gone. We will have some fucking peace and quiet.”

Kevin knew he couldn’t say no. He’d kept the truth from Wymack for so long.

Selfish.

Kevin had agreed. He didn’t wake up as Andrew and Neil left; Aaron apparently, had arranged to retreat somewhere with Katelyn.

The dorm room was empty. It was unusual. The quiet was unsettling. No matter how much Kevin wouldn’t admit it, the voices, the bodies moving to an everyday routine, helped him focus.

Thankfully, Wymack had arrived early to pick him up from the dorms. They wouldn’t do anything special; just spend the holidays at the Coach’s apartment.

The first days were calm. Due to the awkwardness however, no talking was done. Not the kind of talking Wymack had implied at first, at least. The two men simply coexisted. The quiet became deafening in Kevin’s ears. Nights were the worst.

His fingers itched to be wrapped around the neck of a bottle. He didn’t like the way his thoughts – intrusive, nasty things – would fill in the silence when he was sober.

Relapsing however, would be yet another sign of cowardice. Kevin hadn’t drunk in months. He hadn’t felt like he needed it. The high of their victory, the busy start of the semester, training the new recruits, had all distracted him from the aftermath of everything that had happened in the span of a year.

Facing an identity crisis was not exactly what he needed.

Not when he blinked and saw Riko’s face during the night. Heard Jean’s screaming.

Christmas Eve was when it all reached its peak.

Homosexuality is disgusting, Kevin. Aren’t you happy you have Thea? Oh, don’t think I’ve not seen you sneak out at night to meet her. That’s why you will always be number two. You are so vulnerable.

Riko’s knife felt way too real, even as Kevin’s eyes snapped open and he jolted up from the couch. The lump in his throat and the tightness in his chest were definitely real.

“Kevin?”

Kevin had not realized that he had been screaming until he saw Wymack standing there, until he tried to speak but his voice was too hoarse.

“I- I-,”

Vulnerable.

He hadn’t had a panic attack in months. Almost half a year. He was aware it was happening at that moment, but he was too numb from shock to do any of the exercises Bee had shown him.

From shock or from the shortness of breath.

“Breathe with me, Day.” He felt hands on his shoulders, holding onto him, managing to only keep him grounded. He tried to match the pace of Wymack’s breathing but his own breaths would come out short and sharp.

“He is dead, Kevin. He is fucking dead. He can’t touch you.”

Kevin knew that. Knew he could be whoever he wanted to be now; he’d almost achieved that. He’d gone from Number 2, to Queen of the Exy court. He was no longer in Riko’s shadow.

Then why was it so hard to let the fuck go?

Kevin half expected Wymack to hand him a bottle of alcohol, like he’d done so many times in the past. Kevin wanted it as Wymack stood up, apparently to do just that. He clenched his left hand, waiting to feel the reassuring weight of a bottle as it started going numb.

Of course, that’s when he had to remember about Eric.

Stop clenching your fist like that. It’s better to have something to hold onto.

We all have our own weights. The question is whether you’ll allow someone to help you carry them.

Kevin rushed to the duffel bag he’d brought with him. He searched inside, making a curious Wymack halt when he noticed Kevin’s weird behaviour.

He found the puck and gripped it in his hand, as he sat down on the cold floor and threw his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes and, with something to fiddle, he finally had the chance to do the breathing exercises.

Breathe, one, two.

Hold, one, two.

Release, one, two.

It took Kevin at least ten repetitions to calm his pounding heart and rapid breathing. When he opened his eyes, Wymack was still there, alert and clearly unsure of what to do.

“Kevin?”

You can’t lie and pretend you didn’t feel anything.

It was because Kevin felt too much, that he became numb. But finally, as he sobbed, he let himself lean against his father and let it all out, allowing someone else to help carry the weight.

Wymack gripped his shoulder and held on for as long as Kevin needed it. He wasn’t exactly one to comfort people with soothing words, but he’d faced enough broken kids to know how to hold on.

It took Kevin until morning to finally calm down and fall asleep again. The bottle of vodka was left forgotten on the coffee table and neither of them touched it.

Christmas Day was a bundle of mixed feelings. Kevin felt lighter, having faced something like that and letting everything out. He wasn’t sure though how he felt about having trusted someone with this.

As days went by, he realized that carrying the weight, not only helped preserve that feeling of lightness, but also brought him a bit closer with his father.

It was only after New Year’s, three days prior to the start of the semester, that things had settled enough to help him make a decision.

The Foxes had come back, and Kevin greeted them with:

“Drive me to Atlanta.”

Nicky was ecstatic, though Kevin was mostly irritated by Allison’s smug grin as she turned on her heel and went to find the hockey team and get them to give her Eric’s address.

“Finally came to your senses?” Matt asked with a fond smile.

Kevin said nothing.

Next morning, as Kevin got in the car, he looked at Neil through the rearview mirror. Neil gave him only a nod as Andrew finally started the car.

Kevin was still filled with doubt.

But at the same time, he felt the same sense of certainty as when he had held a racquet on his left hand and strode to face Riko.

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captainsimagines · 3 years ago

Text

To Topple A Giant || Finale

Summary: You had made it your mission to destroy even the smallest evils. When the opportunity arises to finally take down your own family after years of gaining their trust, you reach for it. And so does Steve, the man who represents a symbol of everything you hate.

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader || Avengers x Reader

Part 10 of 10 ~ Mini-Series

Warnings in this Chapter: strong language; slight reference to past sexual abuse; fluff

Word Count: 6,700+

Author’s Note: Guys... the finale! I’m crying actual tears lmao. Thank you for reading my words. It means the world.

The New Compound, July 2025, 7:09pm

The extra hour of sunlight this time of year was the easiest excuse to use for lounging on the roof to watch the sun set slowly. The compound no longer touches the clouds, but it still provides a rich view of the landscape across. There is no blowing of horns or shouts of the road hecklers; it’s a simple hour of solace to rest your chin against your arms, eat your snacks, and watch the sky change colors until nothing remains but the possibility of counting the stars.

“Hey… can I sit here?”

Your heart does a little jump at the sound of his voice. Traitor, you want to say to the pesky organ, but remain quiet as Steve wanders over to stand by you. He’s close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from his body.

“Do what you will, Captain.” It’s simple enough of a response, you figure. You look down at the granola bar in your hand, turning it over a few times before rolling your eyes at the silly gesture. “Granola bar?”

He nods, watching as you snap it in half, and grabs the piece. “Thanks.”

You eat in cooperative silence. You take small bites, saving the granola bar so you have something to focus on during the length of time Steve decides to stay up here. He seems to be doing the same. “So what brings you out here? Another depressive episode?”

“I happen to have the perfect amount of depressive episodes, thank you very much.”

You snort, “Ditto.”

He takes a small bite and rolls the granola over his tongue. “No, I uh… I actually came out here to watch the sunset.”

“That’s sweet.” You shrug and admit your reason to him without a second thought. “I came out here to be sad, so.”

“Thor’s visit isn’t doing you any good?”

Thor is genuinely looking better. He’s started braiding his hair again, exercising with the help of Quill and Bruce, and participating in conversation without being addressed first. Seeing him makes you happy, but there’s still a glint in his eyes that reminds you of the lowest point of his life. And his lowest point was also yours. Sometimes you just want to forget. “He looks better. Healthier, got some light back in his eyes. It’s just whenever we look at each other we think of the same thing, I guess.”

Steve hums low and his shoulder brushes yours. “Loki.”

“It’s good to reminisce and all but I’ve got my limits,” you say.

“What was the special connection between you and Loki anyway?”

You grin at such an innocent question. Steve had never been close to Loki, didn’t really like him much, but he tolerated the God wandering about. You figure he genuinely wants to know. “I met him a little bit before I was assaulted. Everyone in the compound had their suspicions but no one asked. It was like they were avoiding me but also trying to help, I don’t really know. It was a weird time. And Loki, after we caught that dragon thing and really, really properly met, just straight up asked me why I was so distant all of a sudden.” Your chest warms at the memory. “I told him. And you know what the first thing he said to me was?”

Steve shakes his head a little and his eyes follow the tilt of your mouth. “‘What a cunt’.”

He startles himself into a laugh, the rough word not expected. You continue, “It was the first time I laughed in four months.”

Steve follows your gaze out to the sunset. He suddenly feels guilty, out of the loop, sad. You had only mentioned your assault to him once when you discovered Tony’s afterlife gifts, and he never brought it up again. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were-”

“Bucky had just moved into the tower and all of your attention was on him. I don’t blame you for not seeing me.”

It’s true, but Steve doesn’t forgive himself. He’s had two years to check up on you and because of his own selfish choice, he’s let you slip from his fingers. A question bubbles from the back of his mind — one that he doesn’t think twice about finally asking. If he does, he won’t ask. “Do you miss… me?”

“That’s a stupid question.”

“Sam put the idea in my head and—”

You sigh, “Steve, it’s the fact that he had to put the idea in your head. I can lie and say I’ve been all fine and dandy, or I can tell the truth and say I’ve been all fine and dandy. Take your pick.”

Steve stares at you for a long moment, mouth parting around invisible words. You’re staring at the sunset, avoiding his gaze but aware of his eyes on you, and he misses you. He truly, terribly, misses you. He decides he’s got nothing more to lose — he’s already lost you. “Well, I miss you. Do with that what you will.”

The two of you sit in silence for a few minutes: wind in your ears, legs shifting when too much weight has been applied, tiny sniffs of the nose. You don’t really know what to do with that information. Steve misses you. And you miss him. But he doesn’t deserve to know that. There’s been no apology from him, just things he’ll do to appease Sam.

At the three minute mark, you groan quietly and turn to him. “Are you seriously still going to watch the sunset up here?”

Steve smirks and watches you from his peripheral. He really has missed being on the receiving end of your various tones of voices. “I have been told that I’m impossible to get rid of, so yeah.”

His company isn’t all that bad.

Present Day, 2025, 9:07am

Perhaps there were good things that came from being locked up for over two weeks, alone. Last time you were locked up with the team and there was absolutely no special treatment after that. Now you’re resisting the urge to burst out laughing as Steve piles on the seventh massive pancake on your plate; or rolling your eyes as Sam keeps asking if you want more maple syrup — ‘What flavor? We’ve got six!’ — and Peter’s drowning Bucky with questions about who he encountered at the wedding.

“Is it the same as Netflix Narcos?”

“No,” you say bluntly.

“Is the Amazon series legit? Like, did Omar really kill the DEA agent?”

“No.”

“Is Omar as evil as they say?”

“No.”

“Damn,” Peter groans, piling a forkful of pancakes into his mouth. “Nothing’s as exciting as it seems, huh?”

Everyone looks to him, then to each other.

Steve clears his throat, “I was literally shot.”

Mouth full, you follow. “And I was abused for years.”

“And I had to deal with them while with HYDRA,” Bucky says with his mouth full too.

“Man, they shot at me. That counts,” Sam adds.

“And I finally got to use the shield. While being shot at,” Scott says.

You interject, “Technically I was being shot at.”

Even with such a cloud of violence, with gruesome memories — memories that would just be shoveled into the pile of things that no one is ever going to talk about again — you all begin laughing. Poor Peter missed out on a lot, but he can put two and two together. He knows this is his only chance to ask before you all lock it away and call it just another mission. It doesn’t hurt to humor him.

And even though you won’t mention it to any one else unless they ask — this wasn’t just another mission for you or Steve. Things have changed and the both of you know it. The aches within your chest are no longer negative or a bother, but instead are blooming flowers that have laid dormant for years. You’ve been plucking petals for as long as the two of you can remember, and it’s about damn time you both end up on the same page.

Everything has been quiet. Sure, there are bounties on everyone’s head but when is there not? You’ve pissed off more cartel leaders and gang leaders and political enemies than you can count on two hands, so this enemy territory is not all that foreign. You recognize the high trees, the gray skies, the mud beneath your boots. But you’ve got friends on your team that know how to climb those trees; friends on your team that know how to move the clouds and make the sky the talk; friends on your team that would hump through mud and snow watching your six.

You can’t believe you even thought about leaving after the mission in the first place. This is where you belong, where all of you belong, because you’re the only ones with good hearts who qualify for the job.

As breakfast winds down, Steve takes the opportunity to sprinkle in moments of long-awaited public displays of affection. When you go to refill your orange juice, he sneaks a kiss on your cheek. When you go to wash your plate, he makes sure Peter is looking the other way before patting your ass. And when you’re the one to envelope his slim waist from behind, he melts in your combined warmth.

“So, about our date,” Steve inquires, cheeks turning pink but voice unwavering. He looks brand new, refreshed, and there’s a shine in his eyes that you haven’t seen since forever. You can’t remember the last time you have, but you figure it must have been back when the world hadn’t yet swallowed him whole. Now, he’s burning bright with the youth his soul has missed.

You jump up and down, “Ooo, exciting!”

Steve takes you by the waist, swinging you in every direction. It’s uncoordinated, messy, and not exactly dancing but it’s pure. “Chinese? Pizza? Just fries?”

“¿Por qué no los tres?” Pursing your lips, you wait for his answer.

“That can be arranged.”

You gasp dramatically, “You’re spoiling me.”

“Well I have two years to make up for it.”

That startles a laugh from deep inside your chest. “That’s gonna be our inside joke now, huh? Two of the worst years of our lives and we’re joking about it.”

He blushes along with you. “I think that describes our relationship perfectly.”

“Our relationship…” Your voice comes out like a melodic whisper and Steve feels it in his bones.

He grins down at you but before he can respond, someone enters the common room rather cautiously.

“Oh, now what the hell are you doing here?” Steve demands, pushing you to stand behind him. The gesture is nice, but completely unnecessary. Friday would have alerted the team if someone entered the grounds armed.

Agent Kavert raises his hands, “Relax. I’m not here to arrest you or anything.”

Steve tries to move his shoulders in a way where Agent Kavert can’t see your head. But you maneuver around him, somehow ending up peeking your head through Steve’s underarm. “If I know the law, and I think I do, you can’t really arrest someone in their own house anyway, right?” You pat Steve repeatedly on his side. “Right?”

Before Steve can respond, Agent Kavert speaks. With Steve guarding you, it seems the only thing Agent Kavert wants to do is get in and get out as fast as he can. “I just came to apologize. Ballistics came back and the evidence does show that you didn’t kill Ernesto Vega. It was Ramirez’s issued gun.”

Yeah, you think. The gun Seda stole.

“Oh, what a breath of relief! I almost forgot I was there.”

He sighs and his lips pull into a small smile. “You’re not gonna tell me where Ramirez is, huh?”

Steve takes this as his cue to leave you two alone, but not before squeezing your hand on his way out. He nods over to Peter, who’s still crouching in the kitchen, unseen by Kavert. Peter gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up, happy to spy for his Captain. But you know he’s really asking Peter to take care of you while he’s gone.

You let out a heavy sigh. Omar has been wanted for years for another murder he didn’t even commit. And now, he’s wanted for another. He may be a giant with morals, but even he can’t escape the gruesome reality that plagues the wicked.

“I don’t even know where he is. If you came looking for answers—”

“No, I just… Everything’s been so fucked up since half the universe came back. And the possibility of an Avenger being bad, having played us for years — I think it just scared a lot of people.” Agent Kavert actually looks sincere. He adjusts his footing and chuckles a little under his breath. There’s a fine line creasing his forehead, but it isn’t formed from stress. He’s smiling, an honest look, and his eyebrows pull inward. “And Shakespeare? Really?”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug and lean back against the counter. “When half the world disappears and takes your family and friends with it, there’s really not much else to do.”

And besides, Loki was really into Shakespeare.

You continue, deciding at the last second to throw Agent Kavert a bone about your past. “Shield didn’t know but Nick Fury did. So did Pierce. And when Shield fell, Fury just hid it even more.” You give him a half smile. “We weren’t helping the cartel. We were slowly taking it apart.”

Agent Kavert nods, thinking it over. “The deal Jackeline made with us was pretty simple. She’d tell us all the inside secrets that she knew and in exchange, no charges against her and none so serious for you.”

Your shoulders slump and you shoot him a blank stare. “Was it really that simple? Like, I could have just used her as my one free call?”

“Joke all you want. You should have called us when Shield fell. The double agent thing was risky and everyone needs help taking down a giant like that.”

“I did have help. Involving more people was never planned.”

“He was just as much our mission as he was yours.”

Agent Kavert, as sorry as he looks, still doesn’t seem to get it. But that’s fine, you think. Not everyone can. And you’re not in the mood to argue anymore. “No… he wasn’t.”

He seems to read your mind because he simply accepts your answer. “I really am sorry for accusing you. And for the government arresting you alone and letting the white man go free.”

A tiny snort tickles your nostrils. Agent Kavert is white, and it’s even more amusing considering he’s being serious. “Thanks… I guess.”

He turns to leave, seemingly normal, until he spins on his heel and claps his hands. “Oh! And by the way — don’t leave the country. The charges of conspiracy and murder have all been dropped. But there’s evidence of drug smuggling. So, you’re on house arrest.”

Your eyes widen and you reply with a sarcastic yell. “Thanks!” He turns to leave again. “You’re fucking with me, right?”

He glances over his shoulder, “Could not have let you just get away with it. Some of that smuggling was under no order from Shield at all.”

“You know I can easily disable that ugly ass ankle bracelet you’re about to give me?”

He chuckles low, and finally waves goodbye. “Goodbye, Agent Y/LN.”

You stand dumbfounded, slightly annoyed, but you figure it’s better than actual jail time. Peter rises from his hiding spot and walks over to you, blowing air from his mouth. “Friend of yours?”

You whip around to point a finger, scream and laugh mixing into one. “No friend!”

Peter finally hears that accent Steve can’t stop talking about.

It’s a tiny portrait, sealed in a tiny frame and hidden in a tiny room. The frame is black with professional wooden carvings that make the sides look like perfectly detailed tree trunks. It’s in between the portrait of Tony and Natasha’s bracelet. Tony wears the same AC/DC shirt Steve has somehow stolen and claimed as his own. He’s got this sarcastic grin, some type of wrench in one hand while his other rests on his hip. He stands in his lab, glasses pushed up onto his head and black soot smudged on his cheek. You think Peter snapped the photo back in 2017.

But the middle portrait is your favorite. It’s the only photo he ever allowed to be taken of him. Brushing your index finger against the glass, you trace the small outlines of Loki’s jawline, to his thin pink lips, to the bulb of his nose, to the waves of his hair. He sits caught off guard, book in his hand and in regular human clothing. He shoots a rather annoyed but joyful look over his shoulder as the camera was shoved in his face. You know for sure Wanda took that photo.

“You’re not dead,” you say as you study the blue of his frozen eyes. A God doesn’t die, you remember him saying. Loki was wrong about a lot of things, but you pray he wasn’t wrong about this. There’s a small part of you that wants to speak the same words to Tony and Natasha, but there’s only so many times the world’s axis can shift for a miracle. You tap the glass, sighing a breath of acceptance, and finally let go. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Smiling up at the ceiling, you think you’re right about this one.

It’s quiet. The only sounds are the mild ripping of wrapping paper and small ‘thank you’s’ from the team. Everyone got each other something — granted, everyone got something small for everyone. No matter how much Tony joked about still splurging on Christmas shopping, his promises weren’t exactly kept. He’s gotten everyone things they actually need or wanted. Steve, a new drawing pad; Natasha, a bright pink knit sweater; Rhodey, a new watch; Bruce, a pair of sunglasses; Nebula, a dark blue knitted sweater that she immediately presses against her cheek, eyes focused on the ground as she savors the soft brush; you, the full collection of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets. And he finally presents the baby’s crib to Pepper, constructed three weeks after she originally asked him to.

“I know how much you like to reenact A Midsummer Night’s Dream in your room,” Tony grins at you. Biting your bottom lip, you throw yourself at him and hug him tight. He returns the hug with just as much strength, if not more.

As the night goes on and midnight rings, your small group exchanges tight-lipped merry Christmas’s and happy holidays. Natasha retires to her room, a distant look in her eyes as she says goodnight. No one knows where Clint is.

Steve nudges your elbow with his once the room empties. He holds out a box with festive wrapping — snowmen with carrots for noses and a variety of pebbled smiles. “From me and Okoye.”

“You got me a gift?”

Steve’s brow furrows as he nods like it’s obvious. “Of course. You’re my friend.”

“Well, now I feel inadequate,” you laugh. It comes out wet and it’s then that you realize you’re tearing up. “I promise to reenact Midsummer for you, okay?”

Steve chuckles, “You got it.”

You unwrap it slowly, half wondering why Steve and Okoye teamed up to get you a present. You. Your stomach churns an innocent whirl.

It’s a long sleeved vest… or sweater. You can’t really tell until you pull it from the box. It’s intricately designed and it takes a moment for you to finally see it, to finally understand, and the moment you do you exhale a wracked breath.

It’s not Wakandan fashion. It’s threaded with the colors and swirls of a place you haven’t called home in years. It has red flowers down the vest portion and multicolored rows down the sleeves and back. It’s made from a thick fabric that’s rarely used this century. Vintage — home.

“Steve…”

Steve clears his throat, “Now, I only did the flower parts. Okoye found it unfinished in… um…”

And there, where tags from brands would usually be, is a small threaded engraving.

‘From Bucky, To our muñeca.’

“He didn’t get to finish it so I thought I would — you know, help? — so it’s really from Buck. Probably an apology for not letting you visit him in Wakanda.”

Steve tries to push out a laugh at his poor joke, but you can see how he’s faltering. You reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, dragging him down so his knees bend, and pour as much nonverbal thank you’s into the hug. He hesitates at first, arms floating awkwardly, until he swallows his fear and wraps his arms around your waist. He holds you to him tightly and breathes in the sweet scent of your vanilla shampoo.

“Thank you.” Your voice is small, but Steve regards the delivery as powerful.

You wear it once, that Christmas night, enveloped in its warmth as you slept. In the morning, you hang it in the back of your closet.

A knock on your bedroom door sounds through your headphones. Bucky peeks his head in, “Is now a bad time?”

Sitting up, you pull the headphones from your ears. “Nope. Just thinking about how I’ve lived several years in the span of one week.”

Bucky lugs in a sports bag in one hand and a manila file in the other. He places them at the edge of your bed and proceeds to bounce in the available space near you. “Yeah, that can be annoying.”

You attempt to shove him away as he tries to steal your blanket. “Did you need anything?”

“Yeah.” He lets you take it, and simply turns on his side to face you. “What’s gonna happen between you and Steve?”

It’s an innocent question, but you know Bucky well enough to notice when he’s stressed. Steve probably told him to mind his business. “We’re good.”

He inspects your face with squinted eyes, “I know what you’re thinking so cut that shit out. This isn’t one of those missions where the feelings will just go away.”

“Funny thing is, I believe you,” you admit, watching as his face does something unexpected. His smile drops suddenly, like he didn’t expect you to agree with him, and then it’s immediately back full force.

“Peggy and Steve - right person, wrong time. You and Loki - right person, wrong time. You and Steve, all those years ago — right person, wrong time.” A weird thing happens: you agree with him again. “But now, after everything — right person, right time.”

“It’s just weird feeling like it’ll actually work.”

“That makes us seem like we’re all broken, doll. We’re not.”

You turn so you’re facing him; two mismatched parentheses. “We’re just tired.”

“We’re just tired,” Bucky agrees, smiling. “I’m not saying don’t look over your shoulder whenever you feel like it. Hell, I still look over mine.”

Snorting, you roll closer to hug him. He pulls you into his chest. “You give amazing pep talks.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why they gave that trophy to Steve.” Bucky shares the intimate moment for as long as it takes before the blanket starts overheating. He groans as he sits up to retrieve the things he brought with him. “By the way, our mutual friend sends one last warm regards.”

Bucky throws the sports bag onto your lap. “What’s this?”

“Your shit.”

You don’t even want to ask him how he packed your things without your knowledge. “Kicking me out, Barnes?”

“Clothes, toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner, pads, the quilt I just finished knitting thank you very much,” Bucky lists and hands you the file. “Maribel found him.”

“Ramirez?”

“Your dad.”

You snap your head up to look at him. Bucky expects to see anger, hurt, maybe even betrayal. He was prepared for it. But you just look confused, lost for words, maybe even scared. “Goes by Richard these days. Lives with his wife in Wisconsin, no kids, keeps to himself.”

You flip through the files, holding your breath. The file is small, Richard’s information only covering the first page, the rest just drabble. He seems relatively normal, looks normal even; normal job, normal credit score, normal upbringing. It doesn’t even seem real. You close the file and set it aside. “So you are sending me away?”

Bucky smirks, “It’s a suggestion. But I took the liberty of doing the hard part for you.”

“Yeah, because packing my lady products is the climax of this story.”

It didn’t go unnoticed that Bucky called Richard your ‘dad’. Everyone either referred to Ernesto as ‘your father’ or by his name. Steve had said ‘dad’ a few times before he met him, then he never said it again. Hell, even you did sometimes.

It’s a sweet distinction and you’re certain Bucky said it on purpose. Bucky takes your hands in his, “It’s been a long time coming. But at least we can both say that the people who hurt us can’t hurt us any longer.”

You can. You really can.

Bucky’s already packed Steve’s shit as well. Steve’s just shoving extra socks into his bag when someone knocks on the door. He expects Bucky or Sam, final words of encouragement, but it’s Scott. And he’s standing there grinning like a mad man.

“So, what’s the verdict, Rogers? You going after her or not?”

Steve huffs a laugh, “Think you already know the answer to that, Lang.”

Scott closes the door behind him and leans back against it. He shoves his hands in his sweater pockets, “Not that it should matter, shut me up if I cross any line, but everyone supports this.”

“Weirdly, I think it does matter. We’ve had you guys picking sides for two years. Selfishly. Like we were having a fucking civil war after everything.”

“Yeah, well.”

Steve huffs a laugh. It’s always going to surprise him just how comfortable Scott is around him now. Not afraid to tease him or call him out on something he doesn’t agree with. It’s refreshing.

“I’m not giving up on her, Scott. Not again.”

Scott nods. Perhaps breaking the mission ethic code wasn’t a bad thing after all, Scott thinks. He gives Steve a proud smile, genuine. “Then I hereby declare our hanging conversation officially closed.”

Steve wanders from his bedroom, to the conference room, to the main living room without an end destination in mind, seeming to just follow his quick feet as they lead him around the halls of the compound. He’s proud of himself, really, because he truly believes he’s learned to swallow his pride, has opened himself up to the possibility of being happy, and accepted that the world has changed and will continue to alter whether he likes it or not. He was, is, and will always be a man out of time — he’ll never fit but goddamn does he feel settled. He hasn’t felt this sane since before the war — which one? — so he relishes in the feeling for a few calm seconds.

He feels tears well-up on his water line and feels the pressure in his temples. He’s at a crossroads — both proud of himself for finally choosing the path he wants and relieved that this week, this mission he has dreaded for almost ten years, is over. He doesn’t know if he should sleep for a month or occupy his time with other things awaiting repair. A build up of five years, grief and loss and happiness all weirdly mixed into one pot, and Steve simply hasn’t noticed the improper portions of each ingredient.

It’s too much.

He thinks about his mental health. Shot to Hell, he jokes with himself. He’s already got the virtual therapy appointments scheduled. He figures he’ll get better with time and if Steve knows one thing for sure, it’s that he’s got a whole lot of that.

He thinks about Sam and Bucky and Scott — his three best friends that have gone to the ends of the Earth and back for him, and who would proudly do it all over again. He thinks about their kind words, their gentle touch, their devotion that Steve still sometimes feels he doesn’t deserve.

And he thinks about you. To anyone else, this was written in the damn stars. No, there wasn’t anything extremely obvious in the first few years. You were friends. Friends that grew to consider each other teammates. Teammates that drew a drop of blood while fighting on opposite sides. Teammates that recognized the true endgame, teammates that helped each other escape, teammates that went silent for two years. Two years of no contact, no signal of survival. Then again, teammates who stood by as their world crumbled around them. Teammates who grew to be friends again, leaning on free shoulders and seeking help through happy conversations and long nights. Friends that brought the world together again, only to rip each other from their own. Friends into the most bizarre of enemies. And enemies back to teammates.

Steve wipes a hand down his face as he fixes the strap over his shoulder. The common room is empty — he likes it this way. That means everyone is either napping, getting food, visiting friends or family, simply living life. The silence is therapeutic.

His eyes fall on a crooked picture frame near the television. He tries to ignore it, almost to the door and ready for another road trip, but he steps back. Then forward, then back again. He groans in frustration of himself and moves to turn the frame back in place, holding it for a few seconds until it stays. But as he lets go, it tilts once more. He tries again — it tilts back.

He pulls the frame from the hook and turns it over. He rightly freezes, the presence of a small pink paper airplane taped near the edge knocking the wind from his constricting lungs. He pulls it off, careful to not tear the delicate post-it.

He never found it. Natasha probably placed it behind this very picture frame in the other compound for him to find. Surely the explosion should have destroyed it — but it didn’t. It’s right here, perfectly intact, just a smudge of dirt on one of its wings. The frame hadn’t been damaged either. It’s real.

He holds the thin piece of paper like it’s the most precious thing in the world.

Steve turns it over between his fingers a few more times, before he carefully folds it back in half and puts it in his wallet. “You’ve got some nerve, Nat. But I hear ya.”

Steve decides to write you back. He hides the letter in that sweater he knows you don’t wear anymore, in the far back of your closet, and marvels at the intricate stitching while he can. He poured his heart out, even if it’s not guaranteed you’ll ever see it.

‘Yes, I found your letter. I found it when I was looking for perfume in your suitcase. The tape was loose and I violated your privacy. I’m truly sorry for that.

But I felt compelled to write you back, in case the reverse happened and I died instead of you. I didn’t write it then, when you were drying your hair in front of that impossibly small mirror you so weirdly called ‘a stupid little bitch’. And you looked so beautiful. But I’m writing it now and maybe I’ll share it with you in person when we’re both ready.

When the world turned to dust, I held on to you. I know exactly why. Natasha bugged me about it also, teasing me whenever I would glance at you too long, or give you the last remaining Oreos I was planning on eating, or whenever I would leave your room in the mornings after a nightmare. She knew nothing was happening between us, but she had this smile whenever she caught me. Like she was happy I was comforting you, and in turn seeking comfort for myself.

You remember how her smile would tilt up more on the left side?

There isn’t a proper way to truly apologize for hurting you. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. You at least deserve that.

I returned a different man. And I think that was for the better.

Yes, I wanted the quiet life. I still think I do. And I think you know this — you have always seen right through me.

I now know what Natasha saw. You irritate me, you damn near make me want to choke myself out, but I care for you. We hold each other up, and I’m always rooting for you, and I’m always by your side. No matter how annoying and smart-mouthed you may be.

You’re my best friend — I hope I’m one of yours.

Steve.’

There’s no one currently in the compound who really knows how to change the battery in your car. Bucky tries, does a rather good job too, but he claims he’s winging it and that you should call a mechanic just in case. He leaves you there with two random batteries on the ground, hood of your car open, and without any idea of what to do next. So you chill and wait for the mechanic you hope isn’t going to jack up the price just because he knows who you are.

But he doesn’t seem fazed by you at all — or at the fact he just had to drive through countless checkpoints and security checks just to get on Avengers property. He changes the battery and changes the oil, hooking you up with as many upgrades he can. He even offers to wash it until you thank him repeatedly and that Really, really, you don’t have to do that. Thank you so much!

“Quite a garage you got here.”

There are unfinished projects and random wires falling from the ceiling and enough tools to supply five garages. It’s messy, but it was Tony’s. You accept the compliment and see him out.

“Eh, make sure those windshield wipers work. I hear it’s gonna rain tomorrow.”

You thank him again. The clouds to the west are gray, getting darker as the expanse stretches, but from where you’re standing everything’s blue. You figure the mechanic was right: it’s gonna rain, and it’s gonna rain hard.

The mechanic did good, all things considered. You never thought your old, beat-up Honda could look a few years younger. You flick one of the wipers lightly, testing its strength. It holds, as does the other, but when you go to lift it up it stops halfway. Without wanting to break it, you don’t force it. There’s something blocking the switch.

You grab it before it can accidentally fall into a deep slot; the figurehead of a man, curly hair and beard that matches Steve’s, who also has a prominent and strong nose. You turn the coin over a few times before looking around the garage, down the street, at the remote area where the mechanic has just left. Standing there, mouth agape, you wonder just how in the world you missed the mechanic placing it there.

You were lacking in the spy department nowadays. Oops.

You know you’re not going to find Ramirez. But him giving this back to you? It was his way of saying he’s alright and that he owes you many thanks.

You pocket the coin and accept the fact you just got bested.

It should take a few hours before you hit the first motel. Wisconsin isn’t that far, but you do have to pass through about hundred “middle of nowhere’s”. You pull out of the garage and check your mirrors — completely unaware of the super soldier running full speed to the passenger door. Steve carefully throws it open, somewhat aware of his strength, and lands into the seat beside you.

You hit the brakes hard. “Oh my! Rogers!”

Steve sucks in a few heavy breaths, like he literally ran across the compound to make it. “What? I startle you?”

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing? Aren’t you on house arrest?”

You squint at him, “Touche.” Putting the car in park, you turn your whole body to face him. “Answer my question.”

“Thought you were just gonna leave without saying goodbye?” Steve asks, expression much more teasing than serious.

“I’ll be gone for three days tops,” you say, waving your hand in the air. Steve smiles at you, seemingly waiting for you to speak again. You roll your eyes, “You’re coming with me, aren’t you?”

Steve lifts up the small duffel bag you hadn’t seen when he first got into the car. He throws it into the backseat and smiles lovingly at you. “I’ve been told that I’m impossible to get rid of, so yeah.”

“Rhodey said that the ankle bracelet they gave me wasn’t a trusted model. Easy to break off, like they did it on purpose.” You lean toward him, holding your chin up with the palm of your hand. “Should be able to drive free for a few weeks before they suspect anything.”

“Already booked us a cabin for Thanksgiving.”

“What makes you think that I even want you to accompany me on this road trip? Did you like the first one?”

Steve clears his throat and mimes like he’s writing on paper. The next words out of his mouth make your legs turn cold. “No matter how annoying and smart-mouthed you may be, there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than here, there, and everywhere with you.”

You blink multiple times, as if that would fix your ears. “...You. Fucking. Didn’t.” Steve reaches over to try and hug you. “No, don’t.” He squeezes harder, smooshing your face in his chest. “Steeeeve!”

“It fell out of your suitcase during the mission and I just… looked,” Steve reasons. He allows you to escape his grip.

“You just looked?”

Steve sighs. He really does look guilty. He pushes a strand of your hair behind your ear, letting his fingers tickle your skin. “I’m sorry I read it. I’ll get out of this car for real if you want me to.”

You arch an eyebrow, “You’re a little shit, but I’m not mad. No one understands privacy these days.”

Steve smiles wide enough for his dimples to pop and his eyes to crinkle. “I’d follow you anywhere, doll.”

“Anywhere?”

“Just name it.”

Humming low, you lean forward. He follows your direction like you’re a lighthouse beaming with light, capturing your lips with his in a sweet kiss. He hooks a large hand behind your head to press you to him harder. You smell like that vanilla scented shampoo he loves so much and feels his heart constrict with a pleasant pulse.

You pull back for air and smile against Steve’s soft lips.

“Well, I’m headed for the middle of buttfuck Wisconsin—”

“Just drive!”

Bursts of laughter fill the car until you’re past the checkpoints and well onto the long roads. The clouds continue to turn darker but they’re inviting, alluring, and it’s not insane that both of you desire thunderstorms because they remind you of family.

Steve watches you from the passenger seat, memorizing the contours and edges of your profile. The roots in his heart begin spreading again; the meat of his heart filling with a soothing promise that his time on earth is no longer rootless. He’s dug his feet in, he’s watered all he’s needed to water, and he feels it spreading within him like newly blossomed flowers in the spring. He has a sudden urge to take out his drawing pad to immortalize the way your mouth tilts higher up on the right side when you smile, to record it forever.

But he’ll remember it. He’ll remember well into this timeline, several years down the road, and even when he’s resting in his grave. So he leans his head back against the seat and chooses to watch the curves of every expression you grace him with. He immortalizes the sound of your voice, the taps of your fingers against the steering wheel, and the accented way you say his name.

There’s a long drive ahead, but he’s excited for it. He’s excited for you. Steve promises himself that he’ll ask you a million questions, and give you a million answers, and share a million more stories.

Right now, he just needs to sleep.

THE END.

Taglist: @dumb-ass-3 @justab-eautifulmess @supraveng @mycosmicparadise @missnighttigress

#captainsimagines #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #reader x steve rogers #avengers fanfic #avengers x reader #marvel fanfiction #chapter ten #to topple a giant #to topple a giant finale #avengers mob fanfic #by Moni

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sakuric · 4 years ago

Text

birthday.

synopsis!it all happened with a cake and some cupcakes.

wc!2.2k

pairing!sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader

a/n!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOML!! have this one shot i wrote.

the early morning’s sun shone through the thin curtain of your window. you rubbed your eyes awake and stretched your arms over your head, before sliding the curtain to the right side and admiring the sunset. the way all the hues– orange, yellow, pink –mixed together reminded you of the way sakusa’s face would blush when you called him pet-names.

sakusa loved pet-names, and that was a thing no one knew about him, except for you. kiyoomi classified you as someone he could always trust, so he told you about his day first thing when he got back. you're his walking diary, and you didn't mind it.

he told you jokes that atsumu told him, he’d tell you about the way his favourite chemicals work, he’d show you a new way to spike or ask you to help him exercise his wrists.

you blasted your favourite songs, from the playlist you and kiyoomi created, while getting ready. today was a saturday, the least busy day of your week, so you decided to just roam the streets of tokyo and try to find something to spend your time on.

sakusa, on the other hand, was tracking how much his heartbeat rises whenever he looks at you. he had pictures of you, and himself, in a special folder in his phone, and choosing one of the pictures, he looked down at the fitbit on his wrist and saw his heartbeat rise.

he, also, decided to play some music while still thinking of you. he had a separate playlist on another music app (so you couldn't see it), and it was all songs that reminded him of you. the current song playing was yellow by coldplay. he knew that the song had a meaning, and he knew he had to find his own yellow, or soulmate as people like to say, yet he thought it’d be obsessive if he called you his soulmate. for that exact reason, he hid the playlist in another app, moved all the pictures with you into the hidden part of his gallery and tried to shake off any thoughts about you.

his fingers tapped the screen of his phone as he dialed your phone number, which he had memorised, before hovering his finger over the green ‘call’ button. what if you're busy? he wouldn't want to disturb your day, neither would he want to be annoying. he went over all the possible what if’s, and by the time he gathered the courage, you had facetimed him instead.

“hey, omi-omi,” you huffed, your breath creating warm fumes in the cold air. god, how he loved when you called him that; even if atsumu came up with the nickname, you saying it was a whole different feeling. if atsumu continued calling him that, he’d make a disgusted face and swat him away, however, when ‘omi-omi’ leaves your lips, his heart does a double backflip and lands into a split. he feels delighted and bright inside.

“hey, y/n.” he answered, checking his fitbit and seeing his heartbeat spike up higher than before. he hid that hand in his pocket as he started strutting around his living room while talking to you. you offered to meet up and spend the day together, as neither of you had any plans and were incredibly bored. (and it was also his birthday, which he thought you forgot about.)

“uh,” sakusa hesitated, calculating everything that could go wrong if he said yes, but then imagining you get upset if he said no. “..sure. let me get ready and i’ll meet you there.”

“yay!” you exclaimed, before blowing a kiss at him and ending the call. sakusa sighed, placing the phone in his pocket and getting ready to go out.

“omi!!” you exclaimed, wrapping your arms around his neck as he leaned down and wrapped his around your waist, pulling you into a warm and tight hug. sakusa pulled away after inhaling enough of your smell. (he didn't want to be weird, but he likes the perfume you use and how you overall smell.)

“let’s go to that café we always go to,” you smiled at him as you grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the café. sakusa hated crowded places, you knew that, but he had given you consent to bring him anywhere as long as you're there with him.

he feels safe when you’re around him; you're like a walking home to him. he always feels comfortable, the way you’d feel sitting by a fireplace on a cold, winter morning. his hands don't feel weird holding yours, and if it was anyone else he’d hide his hands in his pockets, but he appreciated you and felt comfortable enough to, maybe, share some germs with you.

“hey, you okay?” you pouted, seeing sakusa’s eyebrows knitted and his face showing signs of overthinking; for the past few years of knowing sakusa, you picked up on his habits and the way he handled situations. he’d make a certain face when overthinking, secretly pinch the back of his hand when he’s nervous or jog a little faster when he’s excited to see you.

all of this knowledge about your best friend still didn't save you from what was about to come. sakusa gave you a bright smile, a prominent dimple decorating his cheek as he told you, “i’m okay, y/n. let’s go get the coffee and head to go shopping.”

“you..” a mumble left your lips as you placed a hand over your mouth. you were surprised– no, you were smitten. it felt like the whole world stopped and it was just you and him in the café, standing in line and looking at each others eyes. your heartbeat reached the highest of numbers as you felt the sight of sakusa’s dimples engrave his name into your heart.

“i.. what? do i have something on my face?” sakusa quickly put on his mask and hid his face behind the large palms of his hands. he was self-conscious about his own looks, even though he's been trending on social platforms for being one of the most handsome faces.

“no..” you hummed, still amazed by the way you couldn't notice it before. you grabbed his hands and removed them from his face, holding them tightly and saying, “you.. you have a dimple”

“oh, yeah.” sakusa let out a small chuckle. “it came up recently. did you like it?”

“i love it.”

sakusa blushed, but his mask concealed it completely. he motioned for you to go order first, as he ordered after you and you left the café with two coffee’s in both your hands. sakusa offered his hand, which you politely agreed to hold, and you both started walking towards one of the many shops.

“wait here,” you spoke, giving him a reassuring smile as you left him to sit at the bench outside of the cake shop. you decided to confess today, even though it was his birthday. it’d be like a gift, right? you ordered the cake and waited for it to be done. you saw sakusa doodling something on the small hand sanitizer bottle that he had gotten.

it was a pineapple scented hand sanitizer, one of your favourite scents. you knew he didn't like scented hand sanitizers, so why did he buy it? maybe it’s for a friend, a family member. either way, you smiled at the thought of omi finally finding a pair. he was always so closed off and never wanted to have a s/o, but maybe this change was good. good for both you and him.

what you didn't know, was that he didn't want an s/o, because he had you. he knew that one day, he’d gather enough courage and ask you out, ask you to be his. while waiting for you to get back, he took out the scented hand sanitizer and a pack of sticky notes, along with a pen. he came up with this idea while getting dressed to meet you. he thinks he’s ready.

you came back with a box of cupcakes and a cake box stacked on your hands. sakusa stood up and helped you by taking off the top box. (which, luckily, was only the cake.)

you decided to go back home before giving him the cupcakes. the train ride back was quiet, you both exhausted from walking and talking about nonsense. sakusa’s arm was draped around your shoulders, while the other one held the cake box. you got comfortable and placed your head on his shoulder while closing your eyes.

“don’t fall asleep yet, y/n.” sakusa huffed through his mask. you looked up at him, your eyes forming crescent moons as you smiled. he felt his heart flip and turn, tugging at his chest. his lungs tensed and it felt hard to breathe. “i won't fall asleep, omi-kun.” you grinned, turning your gaze down to where your phone was. you clicked the camera icon in the list of apps and turned it around to face you. sakusa noticed and put up a peace sign as you took a picture. you giggled and accidentally clicked the sound up button, which took a picture of you smiling brightly and sakusa’s eyes forming small crescent moons as he smiled slightly under his mask. the picture was unexpected, but it was one of the best you’ve ever taken.

“omi-kun! look at how pretty you look!” you exclaimed, zooming into his face in the picture. sakusa looked closely, trying to figure out what was ‘pretty’ about him in that picture.

“i don't see it.” sakusa raised a brow, admitting to not knowing how beautiful he was. you sighed, rolling your eyes and looking up at sakusa. “stop saying that, omi-omi. you’re handsome and you know that!” you pouted, which caused sakusa to smile a little. he knew he was handsome, but he enjoyed hearing you call him that.

“do you think i should post this?” you asked, typing out a caption under the said picture. sakusa eyed the caption; on the move with my favourite boy!! @msby.sakusa <3 . sakusa nodded and so you proceeded to hit ‘post’.

sakusa invited you to go to his house after the trip, which was unusual, because he doesn't prefer people entering his home. you carefully took off your shoes in the corridor and placed them in the right place before entering his home.

the house he had was located in the further east part of tokyo. it didn't have many houses around it, which seemed fitting for sakusa's taste. the interior part of his house was decorated with few paintings and other home decor. one of which caught your eye; it was a picture frame of him and the msby team, another picture frame next to it had you and sakusa in it. you softly ran your finger over sakusa’s face in the picture, smiling to yourself. sakusa quietly observed you from the doorway to his living room. he leaned on the wall, arms crossed on his chest and a small, genuine, smile on his face. you placed the picture down and turned to see sakusa eyeing you. a blush creeped upon your face as you fixed your hair and entered the living room.

“so, uhm..” you started. “i asked you to hang out because it's your birthday and i didn't want you to be alone during such a special day.” sakusa’s heart already melting at what was about to come. “i got you this cake, which you already saw, but i also got you these cupcakes. “ you handed him the box, which he opened. he widened his eyes at the icing on the cupcakes. each of the cupcakes spelled out “i like you.”, which sakusa thought was a dream. he quickly pulled out the sanitizer and note from his back pocket and gave it to you. “i guess both of us had something we wanted to confess…” sakusa spoke as you read the note.

y/n, i like you. be mine?

it was straight-forward, yet it made your heart flutter at such care. you returned your gaze at sakusa, who was still eyeing the cupcakes he had placed on the table. he looked back at you, opening his arms to embrace you in a hug, which you gladly took. pulling him in close, you hoped this moment would never end. his arms embraced you in the warmth of his body as he mumbled something into your hair. only a while after, you realised he kept saying ‘be mine, be mine, be mine’

“i’m yours, kiyoomi.” you answered, looking up at him. his face was painted a light shade of crimson, which you found cute. it was just like the sunset this morning, you thought. sakusa leaned in, hesitating to press his lips on yours. you noticed, and leaned in to save him the struggle.

you both pulled away after a while, both of your faces tinted with blush. sakusa let go of you and went to open the cake box. his heart strings tugged as he read what was written on the cake;

happy birthday, omi-kun ♡︎

and to his diary, kiyoomi spoke; “thank you for the best birthday i’ve ever had, darling.”

#sakusa kiyoomi #happy birthday sakusa #sakusa x gn!reader #sakusa #msby sakusa #kiyoomi sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa x you #sakusa x y/n #sakusa fluff #msby fluff #haikyuu #hq #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #— zero writes

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phoenixyfriend · 4 years ago

Text

A Smattering of Ideas for a Neji Time-Travel Fic

[EDIT: okay so viewing the post on dash or sidebar blog completely ruins the bullet nesting for some reason. Please open it in a new tab.]

Okay so I actually wrote the first chapter or two of this like... almost a decade ago probably, but the concept was:

Neji, upon dying, gets sent back, and he's perfectly healthy again, pretty much exactly as he was just before getting mokuton-stabbed... except the seal damage wasn't reversed, so he's blind.

I think he ended up like riiiiiight before the Hyuuga Incident, so about of age with Kakashi & co.

But yeah like imagine telling Hiashi about it.

We have a new Jounin! It's a blind Hyuuga.

His seal is gone! He's technically your nephew.

He needs to be retrained for blindness! He needs to be protected for the information he carries.

He's a time-traveler!

Have fun.

The Hyuuga clan has like a million things going on but future Neji is just finding his younger self and Hinata to cuddle them.

He can't see shit but he Needs To Hug Baby Hinata

She's so small? She needs to be protected?

"Sir, you're blind now." "If Lee can be a ninja without chakra, I can be a ninja without eyes." "Sir. Sir that's--that's not the same thing, you can't--SIR." "I'll ask Hatake for advice." "He's still got half of his--SIR!"

Neji is a genius, if there's anyone who can pivot their entire fighting style from "I can see everything" to "I don't need to see anything" it's someone like him. Especially with the "I need to protect all these smols and be strong enough to force people to take my advice seriously if necessary" motivation

BUT But But for the first few days, it's just like. Sir. I understand you want to protect this small child, but you walked into three walls in the past hour. Please st--sir.

Fun option is "Neji spills all the beans... to Hiashi, not the Hokage."

Hiashi: Okay so like. Give me a few days to come up with a cover story for your existence. Neji: That's fair. Hiashi: Do. Do you want me to send in Hizashi or...? Neji: I'll tell him the truth if you do. Hiashi: That's, uh... that's fine. Neji: Then yes. Please. Hiashi, thoroughly unnerved for a variety of reasons: Right. I'll go do that.

Relevant: "Stop trying to convince me to put the Caged Bird Seal on a man who is already blind."

Since that's the ostensible reasoning of the seal, and like. You can't make that argument about keeping the eyes safe when the eyes don't... work.

Courtesy of @firebirdeternal, along with a bunch of other stuff but especially this:

ooooh feels moment: Neji starts his retraining to become Strong Enough without his eyesight, guess who sees him working his ass off to overcome a disadvantage and thinks "Oh, there's a person I should Be Friends With!"

Part of me just went "Gai gets injured on a mission and, while waiting out his medical leave, gets assigned to Neji as a guide/sparring partner"

Or, well, not assigned. He's just doing one-armed pushups in the training yard with a cast on half his limbs after breaking out of the hospital and zeros in on Neji like "Ah yes, medically inadvisable training, a Bonding Activity!"

Neji goes from "I can see everything" to "I can't see shit but if you're within arms reach you're fucked"

A lot of it comes down to Neji building up non-Byakugan sensing abilities, I think?

It won't help him read, but it'll sure help him avoid getting punched.

I think that's really the crux of his New Style, however he works it out, instead of having this Massive Range of perfect perception he just trains his other senses until he still has that perfect perception effectively, just in like a two foot radius around his person

and then he goes full Rock Lee and trains speed and reaction time until that two feet is enough

I want Daredevil-style bitchiness at some point, in the "Okay, I'm sure the contract is lovely, but do you have it in braille, perhaps?" sense

And Toph-style stuff

Genma, in the Jounin lounge: "Hey guys I think I've got a design finished for the new tattoo I'm gonna get, what do ya'll think?" 'holds up scroll' Kakashi: "Why would you get a tattoo of an ugly couch?" Genma: "It's not an ugly couch it's the Hokage Monument!" Neji: "It looks perfect to me" Genma: "Thank you! I worked really hard on-..... why do you feel the need to do these things."

Also I want Neji to have the same approach as Matt to a cane. He can make do without it, but it sure does make his life easier when he's off-duty.

Like, yes if he focuses his entire, highly trained person, on perceiving his surroundings, he can sense his way around. But that is very tiring

Like that is a lot of work to be doing, when you are just trying to get to the coffee shop for a bagel

Neji learns Sage Mode solely because he wants to be able to tree-hop again

Neji visits Kakashi like "I can't ask the Inuzuka for this because their dogs are clan-specific, but do you know where I can find a guide dog that can double as a ninken in the field?"

Neji asking Gai to help him pick out a feminine yukata because if ANYONE is going to not judge...

Listen I'm just really invested in what Naruto SD told us about how often Neji cross-dresses

Someone asked me which summons Neji learns Sage Mode from, and

I mean, Hashirama supposedly just. Learned it? Without summons?

So maybe Neji does that and just learns from Jiraiya or something

Though it's not... particularly safe.

Birdie had the best response

learning it Without a Summon is very much in the vein of Neji's past attitudes towards Special Secret Techniques, given that he learned the Kaiten with no help even though it was a Secret Technique of the Hyuuga.

"I know it's possible to do, so the hard part is already over, the rest is just figuring it out and doing it"

Neji: I'm here, I'm queer, I'm blind as fuck.

Neji hanging out with Gai and Kakashi is, admittedly, not that different from hanging out with Lee and TenTen

Kakashi is a bit more likely to join in on the shenanigans than Tenten was, but he's still just as available for "We're judging you" sessions

Neji, sipping tea as Gai yells: this is my comfort zone.

Neji with a white cane: This is my whacking stick. Hiashi: Don't you mean walking stick? Neji: No.

Because... what ninja wouldn't ensure that any normal part of their daily life was fit for battle.

Like if Karin can hide lockpicks in a photo and a knife in her glasses, Neji can ensure his white cane is suitable for battle.

(Going off the earlier Daredevil comparisons, I’d say this is similar to Matt turning his cane into billy clubs sometimes.)

Neji, assuming the role of Chief Babysitter for SmolNeji and Hinata, senses Lee and Tenten at the park. Nudges SmolNeji: "Go, be friends with them"

SmolNeji, watching Lee faceplant into the dirt while trying to jump off the swing while Tenten chases two boys around with a weird frog she found: ".... why"

Neji: "Just trust me"

Also consider older Neji giving baby Hinata shoulder rides

Baby Hinata is delighted by this whole affair.

More time with big brother, and a new even bigger brother? Best times.

Bigger brother needs help reading sometimes and Hinata is so excited to help. Hiashi even approves because helping older Neji read things like menus and the like is helping Hinata learn how to read, so it benefits everyone.

Consider also: Neji encouraging the smols to play with bby Naruto, a Hyuuga elder (or possibly Hiashi, but I want him to be a confused accomplice) complains exactly once and Neji exudes such a powerful "Do not test me" energy that he just kind of. Drops it.

Neji's attitude towards baby Naruto is somewhere between "They're good dogs Brent" and "I died for him once already, do you think I'd hesitate to kill?" and it depends entirely on how seriously he thinks you're talking shit about him

Neji plays with the smols, including smol Naruto, by just being the Perfect Straight Man. Just taking every nonsense thing Naruto says Completely Seriously and using deadpan reactions to chaos to make them giggle. This drifts into Feels for Naruto when he's the first adult who takes his "I'm gonna be the Hokage" completely seriously

"Of course, chibi-Hokage-sama"

Hiashi: "What.... are you.... doing?" Neji: "Ah, Hiashi-sama. Please exercise caution, the floor has mysteriously transformed into molten rock. I suspect enemy action, but have no further intelligence at this time" SmolNeji, Hinata, and Naruto: 'wild giggling as they dangle from rafters/stand balanced precariously on chairs'

Hiashi takes one step into the room and all the kids start screaming so loud he steps back out in shock

Neji out in Konoha just Causing Shit with plausible deniability

Listen. Neji is PETTY.

Someone describes Naruto as "the annoying blonde child with the whiskers, you know, the skin brat" and Neji says "I'm a sensor and have encountered no demonic chakra"

"okay just avoid the blonde kid with the whiskers"

"I don't know how to tell you this..."

"Sir, I know you're new in town, but that kid isn't really good news--" "A child can't be news unless they're recently born." "No, I mean, didn't anyone tell you to avoid the blonde kid with the whiskers?" "Naruto's blonde?"

Possibly "Hinata's blonde?"

He just, aggressively misunderstands that any insinuation about Naruto is about the Hyuuga heir instead

Birdie said they like the idea that he uses the aggressive deliberate misunderstanding to force people to either be embarrassed by how they're acting by having to spell it out or give up in quieter shame

Sometimes Neji gets tired of being obtuse and just lets Gai do it for him

Gai babysits on occasion, SmolNeji is aghast, Hinata mostly just confused, Naruto is delighted

Naruto is just Stars In Eyes about Gai

Kakashi: this is not the excuse I expected to have for visiting Naruto but I'm taking it

#Hyuuga Neji #Hyuuga Hiashi #Hyuuga Hinata #Uzumaki Naruto #Maito Gai #Hatake Kakashi #Naruto #mini fic #time travel #Hyuuga Clan #Blind Neji #Phoenix Babbles #Phoenix Posts

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fredyria · 3 years ago

Note

Got any headcanons for the Sayu Crew?

REMI

this guy is creative as hell !! he loves to create new outfits or even new skin for Sayu

ever since he met Tila, they became close friends as he saw so much potential with her voice and songs

when he met Dodo, he saw how flexible and energic he could be. he doesnt think that even tho its a guy doing a cute mermaid moves, it gives it a bit of a special thing to the finish product

and with Sofa's talent in editing, Remi thinks that Sayu cant be more perfect. he loves his friends and would never in the whole world let them down

in a way, you could say he is the brain of the team by being the artist in Sayu's character and control. he is always the first one to give ideas but never put them on board unless the rest knows itll be good.

in the fight with zuke and mayday, he had to take serious decisions to try and fight back Bunk Bed Junction and to save their cute little Sayu

because he is a creative guy, he has AT LEAST 2 sketch books full to the brim with new ideas for Sayu and even maybe new characters to interact with her! but the gang still thinks its a bit too early and too much work to introduced a second character in Sayu's world. Plus, they think it'll go too much into the Hatsune Miku vibe so they stay with only Sayu

when they got picked by NSR, he was almost jumping to the ceiling so much he was happy that him and his friends were picked

TILA

Tila is a shy girl that the only way she could think to get less shy, was to show the world her brilliant voice.

when she met remi and saw his talent in art, she was struck with inspiration for this cute mermaid girl! they teamed up right away and made a bunch of cute songs!

she was shy at first with him but he told her that he is her friend and that she can open up to him anytime if she needed, which she slowly got closer to him and was able to have good conversations with him!

as she met the others, she was impressed with Dodo and Sofa's talent. She saw that everyone had their own talents and put together, could make the cutest and most perfect cutecore artist in Vinyl City

she always do a bunch of voice exercises before recordings and even ask the guys hows her voice before recording just to be sure!

she has her own song book that she writes and create new songs almost everyday, but we all get the problem of the white page so, she doesnt mind to ask the guys some help

when they got picked in NSR, she was almost crying from so much happiness she had. they choose them ! and she was her voice ! meaning they liked her voice to be part of NSR !! this day will ever be marked into her head and she even made it a special date for the whole crew to celebrate !

DODO

this guy took actual dance classes when he was at school before secondary school (not sure how old they are but mayday said they were kids so i assume in secondary school ?)

he is that type of guy who was always in his corner, no friends, not talking to anyone and was always on his phone and reading or checking videos of people slowly trying the cameras tracking apps

when he met Remi, he was really shy to show his moves as he saw Sayu coming together, he even tried to put Sayu's into those VTUBER people as he made her move. Remi and Tila was thrilled and loved how he made her move and dance! That got Dodo so much self-esteem that he got even less shy around the gang

he works a lot more with Sofa about the movements and such because if the crew didnt had Sofa, Sayu's movement would be really weird and her body parts would just go into one another

when they are ready to turn a video, he always does a few stretches and even look how Sayu's new outfit would move so he takes those in consequences to make it more realistic and make her more real

as they work, he needs to be in a air conditioned special room to move as he is dancing. they tried to share the room but he was so much into the song and choreography, that he almost knocked down Remi's computer screen, making him apologized a whole lot to him and even had to take a few moments for himself in his room

when the got picked, he couldnt help but hug all the gang in front of everyone. The gang was so surprised of this new physical affection but they liked it

SOFA

this guy was the nerd one; always in front of a pc, never really talkative to other people, it was just him and his computer in his life

when he met the gang, he saw a big potential that could be added and joined immediately

he started to program Sayu's movement correctly with Dodo, put Tila's voice not too high in her music videos and even told Remi to add less details cause we would loose them sometimes in the movements !

he saw he could make Sayu even better with more editing and such so he went and took the best editing program on the market he could get himself and did the best music videos with the help of the gang

he is always the one eating to his computer as he pass his whole days on it to edit and make the best out of Sayu's potential

he does, however, a lot of questions to Remi about the environment he would see Sayu in their music videos. He doesnt want to put her into a weird environment where the color scheme doesnt really add up

when they got picked by NSR, he was really happy to see all his friends and himself get picked by professionals. They did a really good work together and he likes his friends more than anything

that day was when he realizes he wasnt alone anymore and that he could trust his close friends to go even further with what Vinyl City would need and love

hope you guys like these little headcanons !!!

#nsr #no straight roads #nsr sayu #nsr dodo #nsr remi #nsr tila #nsr sofa #nsr headcanons

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softsebnbuckystan · 4 years ago

Text

Soul ties - Part 6 (Bucky Barnes au)

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady"

Word count : 2061

Sleep didn't seem to come to you that night, and you didn't know whether the reason was the pizza you'd had for dinner, your husband's obvious neglect or your supposed soulmate sleeping in the same building. After tossing and turning in your bed for over three hours, you grabbed a pillow and a plaid, put on your slippers and went into the main kitchen. A herbal tea under the stars should be a good way to help you sleep, right? You tried to stay as silent as you could despite the boiling water in the kettle – you always refused to microwave water – and picked some chamomile infusion Wanda had chosen. With your cup in one hand, you opened the picture window. One thing you liked about the compound was the few balconies it had : they weren't too big, but they were large enough for you to sit on a pillow and look at the stars, your back against the wall. You were once again trying to spot constellations, the August sky being perfect for this kind of exercise.

"Can't sleep?"

You almost spilled your tea on your plaid.

"Sorry I scared you."

You smiled weakly at the man who'd just joined you. "It's fine. Wanna sit here with a fellow insomniac?"

Bucky ran a hand through his hair before sitting on your left. His right arm brushed against your exposed skin and you tried to hide your shivers.

"What's keeping you up?" You ask. "I mean, you obviously don't have to tell me."

"Nothing much. Some nightmares."

"Are they ones about...about the war?" Your question startled him ; he shot you a confused look as you lowered yours. "Sorry. Steve told me a few times about his best friend Bucky and I... I made the connection."

"I thought Steve avoided talking about those things."

"What? The way he lost you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry, that was tactless."

"Don't worry about that." He looked at the sky, leaning his head against the wall. "Wanna tell me what's keeping you up?"

"Well, it's quite ridiculous really," you eluded.

"Steve told me why you're spending time here. Is it him that keeps you up at night?"

You sipped on your tea for a few seconds. "I guess so. It's just that I keep thinking about what I'm doing wrong, you know? I must be doing something wrong."

You heard him take a breath, his shoulders raising with his chest. His arm against yours felt strange, in a good kind of way. You'd never felt so close to anyone in such a short amount of time, and you wondered what made him so special aside from the meaningful tattoo you shared.

"I don't think you're to blame. Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I'm sorry if I seem out of place, because we only met a week ago but..."

"You feel like I get you, right? Just like I feel that you get me."

He nodded calmly. "He doesn't seem to realise who he was lucky enough to marry."

"Lucky, huh?"

You looked at him with a smile and had it not been so dark, you could've sworn a red tint had reached his cheeks. "You're hella smart," he explained. "And from what I've seen, you're kind."

"And you think that after two days with me?"

He shrugged and allowed himself a quiet laugh. "You let Sam get the last piece of pizza earlier. I would have never done that."

"True. That is my most selfless act ever." Jumping on his joke felt natural and as it turned out, he had a communicative laugh.

"Why don't you laugh more often? I like it."

Bucky looked you in the eyes, paralysing you with his blue pupils again. It seemed as if he was searching for what to say.

"There aren't a lot of things that make me laugh. You do, though." This one didn't sound like a joke, and you placed your hand on his forearm, instantly sending a funny feeling down to your stomach.

"Consider me flattered," you said. "Can I ask you a question? Don't feel like you're forced to answer, though."

"Sure."

"I'm just curious, working in biochem and stuff... I'm basically the school nurse for theses guys," you explained. "So how does it feel, the metal arm? Do you...feel things the way you do with your right arm?"

He stopped for a moment. "I did not expect that question. That's a good surprise." He raised his left hand in front of him. "It's weird, actually. This one is really advanced. Shuri did an amazing job with it, but... sometimes I'll touch something and think I feel something. I know it's my brain playing tricks on me, but it's not that sentient. I feel pressure, tension...but not actual human sensations." He let his hand fall down on his knees.

"Do you miss it?"

"I got used to it. But yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Y/n, we met last week."

"I know! But like, it's not a 'do you trust me with your life' situation. Think of it as 'do you trust me with basic skills' kind of thing." You chuckled. "Now close your eyes."

Bucky gave in and you gently grabbed his metal hand. "What do you feel now?" you asked, stroking the back of his hand.

"I know there's something on my hand. And I know it's harmless. But...nothing more, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's part of you."

"And you don't mind that?"

"Why would I?" you shrugged. "It's you."

"Even if I were to do this?" He slowly raised his hand, approaching your face. You let him place his hand on your cheek. It didn't feel like flesh and bone, but it still felt right.

"Yes, even then." You held up his gaze, searching those blue eyes for any sign. Signs of what exactly, you didn't know yet. All you wanted was to stare into them forever, never leave this state of mind.

When Bucky's hand fell down your shoulder and kept running down your arm, a thousand shivers ran down your spine. You couldn't – shouldn't – feel this way. You were married now, and doing this... To prevent you from doing anything stupid, you looked away and leaned back against the wall. Getting away from him still was out of your league, though ; you settled for resting your head on his shoulder and spread your plaid over both your bodies. It might've been because nights were fresh, even in August, but it was mostly to make sure you were as close to him as you could be. Before falling asleep, the last thing you felt was Bucky's head letting itself fall on top of yours.

---

"Hey, you need to wake up."

The morning sun made you blink and you felt something on your thigh. Lowering your gaze, you noticed Bucky's hand. You tried not to freak out and looked up at whoever had spoken : Steve. Bucky shifted next to you, woken up by Steve's words as well.

"What's going on?" you asked. Steve might have been the best at hiding concern, he couldn't always hide it from you.

He sighed. "Darren's here."

"Shit." You got up more abruptly than you should've, causing you to lean on Steve's shoulder for a second. "Where is he?"

"Right here."

You turned around, seeing Darren standing in the doorframe. Well, that was unfortunate. You thought you should've been feeling some sort of guilt after being found in another man's arms – technically ; all you felt was anger. You were angry that he'd showed up after standing you up last night, you were angry about the neglect and his overall lack of care.

"What are you doing here?" you asked sharply.

"Bringing you home. Why didn't you come back?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he shot Bucky a furious look. "And why were you sleeping outside with this guy?"

Rubbing your forehead, you gestured towards Steve and Bucky. "Could you guys leave us a minute, please?"

Even though Steve nodded and walked back inside, Bucky seemed unsure about leaving you alone with your husband. You gave him a brief smile and he took the hint. As you closed the door behind him to have some privacy – the door was made of glass, but oh well –, Darren started pacing.

"Did you cheat on me last night?"

"What the hell?" You couldn't believe your ears. "You're kidding, right? You stood. Me. Up. You didn't even bother telling me in advance that you'd go at Brad's, and you didn't even come home. Didn't you think I was tired of being alone every night?"

"You're never alone."

"Damn it, Darren, you came home past dinner every day since we got married! We should be on our honeymoon right now, and yet you don't even bother kissing me goodnight."

"That's all this is about? I work a little too much and you go away to your so-called family?" He'd stopped pacing and raised an eyebrow, proud of his innuendo. His insinuating Steve and the gang weren't your family made your blood boil.

"So-called? So-called, Darren? I love these people. They are my family and they've been more present for me today than you have in a week. What did you expect? That I would happily ask to be invited at Brad's, when I clearly am not welcome there?"

"You are welcome, what the hell are you talking about?"

"They don't like me, and you know that very well." You looked at the ground. You might've been angry, but never being able to fit in within Darren's social circle had always hurt you.

"Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

No words came out of your mouth. How could you say anything to that? This was the ultimate insult. You had given so much to this relationship that you'd never even thought that 'not trying hard enough' could've been the reason they disliked you. First dinner with them, Brad's wife had made fun of what was left of your Sokovian accent, asking Darren if he wanted you to help you get a green card. Of course you'd called her out on her racism. She got upset, but was it your fault? No. During a night out, Brad had been too handsy with you and when telling Darren about it, he'd told you that you were reading too into it, that he was just being friendly. They weren't good people, and you'd always wondered why Darren bothered hanging out with them.

"That's it, go away." You let out an exasperated sigh, opening the door. "You're going to leave the compound to go home and calm down. Maybe I'll be back in a few days."

"I'm not going anywhere without you." That could've sounded romantic. In his mouth, it sounded more like a threat.

"Hell yeah, you are. Now go. My birthday is in three days, and I don't want you to be like this then."

"Right, your birthday. Don't count on me to celebrate it if you don't bother coming home."

You closed your eyes for a moment before gesturing him to leave. He ultimately walked through the glass door and you saw him make eye-contact with Wanda on his way out. You knew she was trying hard not to throw him against a wall or something. You ran your hand through your hair, taking in what had just occurred. You knew Darren would feel better the next day and that it would be like nothing ever happened. You just weren't sure anymore whether it was a good thing or not.

"Don't worry, you can stay here longer," you heard Steve say.

"You're better off with us anyway," Wanda told you.

"You know he's-"

"Please, don't defend him," your sister pleaded. "He's not treating you right and you know it. He hasn't for years. Why are you-"

"Wanda, please. Not here."

You looked at Bucky out of the corner of your eye ; you didn't want to have that conversation in front of him, for some reason. Maybe deep down, you knew he'd side with Wanda. Having your sister call you out was hard enough ; you didn't need your soulmate to start doing it as well.

--- I just finished part 9 so I'm posting part 6 because I can't wait to have your opinion on this one!! Don't forget you can message me anytime to be added to the tag list :)

Tag list :

@ginger-swag-rapunzel @joscelyn02

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #james bucky barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #catws #cacw #captain america #tfatws #self insert #x y/n

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ask-hunterxhunter · 4 years ago

Note

You know this thing in fanfic where the love interest is changed into his child self, how do you think it would go if it happened to the adult trio?? It's basically a "how would they act as children" I’m imagining them around 3-5 years old?? But you can write with whatever age you feel most comfortable in

Hisoka

While how they would react depends on whether or not they are aware of what happened and retain their memories (even if they end up being influenced by the fact they are children again), you can bet Hisoka would be the one who would enjoy it the most. Those around him… Not so much.

If he retained his memories, Hisoka would simply relax and take advantage of the situation, be by pulling a “puppy dog eyes” trick on you when he wants something or acting all innocent if he meets someone who wants him dead (you’d be surprised how easy it is for Hisoka to act as if he’s just a kid cosplaying as his “favorite fighter from Heaven’s Arena”). Who would guess this murderer clown-like maniac can look so much like a normal child? Well, it would last just as long as necessary as he’d turn to you with a grin after fooling some “idiot” (his terms) or after he pulls a “prank” on someone. In the end, even as you two are searching for a solution to whatever happened, Hisoka would find ways to have fun with it. He may grow uncomfortable or impatient after a while (especially if his strength has suffered as well and besides since his mind remains that of an adult, there are things of childhood that have just lost their appeal for him and others he can only enjoy as an adult) but you’d be the only one to notice it). Heck, even if he retains his memories, Hisoka would not be above pretending he actually regressed to a child-like mindstate if he deems it to be way more amusing (you’re free to yell at him when he either spills the beans or you realize it).

It's also possible that, in a case of “body over mind”, having physically regressed to being a child will influence Hisoka somewhat, so he may find himself acting like one at times, even if he’ll likely try to control those impulses. It’s something when he is consciously acting the part to have fun, another is when he catches himself genuinely being a child again. If you’re close enough, you can tell him to just enjoy himself (after all, it’s pretty possible he didn’t have an exactly happy childhood) and let loose, but if not, then just shrug it off (or at most, tease him asking since when he cares about what others think anyway).

Now, if Hisoka’s mind does regress to that of a child, things may get complicated. Even if he feels there is something special about you (the whole “heart remembering what the mind does not”), Hisoka will not simply trust you right away and because he might be confused, it will be even harder to help him, almost like trying to approach a street dog that is hurt (well, depending also on the specific age, of course), but since you’ve been together for a while, you may know a few tricks that will help you. Not treating him like an idiot just because he’s a kid will certainly be a good idea. Say a few things you know about him, that ought to at least get his attention enough for him to follow you back home. Be happy if this whole deal lasts for just a day though, Hisoka had a certain “prankster” trait on him as a child…

In this scenario, while Hisoka as a child will likely be more independent and cynical than most of his age (to a point it can be either sad or scary, especially if he regresses to an age after he finally had enough and started to become the twisted creature we know today), it doesn’t mean he isn’t a kid. If you know this situation will pass on its own, maybe you can just try to relax (keyword, try. This is still Hisoka, after all) and give him a good memory, letting him be a normal kid… (Though I wouldn’t take him to play with other children if I were you). I can’t say it will be easy, especially at first, so patience is the key. Lots of it.

Illumi

I don’t know about you, but I would seriously consider dumping Illumi at the Zoldyck’s if that happened. Let his family deal with this mess…

If Illumi retains his memories, there will be no difference whatsoever. Seriously, it’s like Illumi just got small and that’s it. You may try getting him to “enjoy himself” or something, but it won’t work. It’s just not his style and he won’t see the reason to start running around or playing tag since he takes no enjoyment out of this and doesn’t need the possible physical benefit of said exercise. It doesn’t matter if you point out he could “take the day off” and how many people might’ve liked to be a child once again, even if just for one day. Illumi may understand the reasoning, but he’ll reply that he feels he enjoyed his childhood enough. After all, his mind is still of an adult and the time for “jumping rope” or “exploring” has passed a long time ago.

If you both know this situation will just pass on its own, Illumi will just want to wait it out. You may take a stroll around the city or spend the day together, but don’t ask him to act like a child just because his body changed. If anything, the change of size may annoy him… It’s not that he feels vulnerable or helpless (or as if he is, to be fair), but it’s a pain to have to ask for help if he can’t reach something and it just feels weird since he’s used to being taller and he can’t even use this situation to his advantage.

Hell, he can’t even try to approach Killua for a “Brothers’ Bonding Day” since Killua is definitely, completely, totally not interested (if anything, Killua would be creeped out and run away).

Even if Illumi’s condition comes to influence his behavior somehow, it will be hard to notice not only due to Illumi’s self-control but because, well, of the way he was raised. Even if he may feel like playing or doing something child-like, it won’t be an exactly normal sight (if he ends up indulging in it, for starters). You may try getting him to relax if you really want, but it may be better to offer to play chess or video-games (using the excuse it helps with reflexes or something of the sort).

If Illumi regresses completely, well, it might be best to leave him with his family until he goes back to normal. Remember that Illumi has the firm philosophy that assassins don’t need friends and, without his memories, he won’t have any reason to want you around (especially if he’s at an age when boys are not interested in relationships). Unless he is at a very young age and away from home, he may even tell you to leave. It’s not that he means anything bad, but he doesn’t recognize you as one of the butlers, doesn’t need help, so… Why are you around him? Even if his feelings persist the physical change, he won’t be quite able to understand them and may just decide to ignore them, so it might be complicated for you to stay around. Remember how Illumi doesn’t care for those that are not from the family. It’s not that he means anything bad, he’s just acting the way he was raised.

His family may try to help you deal with it, but in a way that doesn’t contradict their teachings (in their eyes, it’s better this way, especially if they know this situation won’t last). As such, they may suggest you act as a temporary butler or maid or something of the sort. Well, at least at this age, Illumi isn’t twisted to the point of disregarding your life completely, so if you want, you can at least stay around. Though, again, it will be easier for you to stay away until he goes back to normal.

Chrollo

Oh, boy… The moment you look at Chrollo as a child, you may wonder how in all the circles of Hell did such a sweet-looking kid became the leader of the Genei Ryodan. Really, what on Earth happened?

If Chrollo keeps his memories, he won’t want to be seen by the rest of the Spiders. Oh, he is fully aware they wouldn’t dare laugh or go into squees of “cute” (though Uvogin might’ve put him in his shoulder before Chrollo told him to put him back in the ground. Now) and this doesn’t really affect the respect they have for him, but he has his reputation to maintain anyway, you know (yeah, that serious expression? Intimidating on Adult!Chrollo, adorable on Child!Chrollo).

It's unlikely that Chrollo will just go to a playground because he became a child, especially in this case. Too much has happened in his life for him to relax to the point of enjoying the opportunity this may present (for all we know, he might’ve to grow up too fast while living in Meteor City, so even if he did try, he wouldn’t be sure of how and would feel so awkward that he would quit soon). He will enjoy being able to walk around with no care if anyone will recognize him (not that many would under normal circumstances, let alone attack him) and you may convince him to lay down for the day, just try to make the best of the situation (even if he retains his skill and is still the Leader of the Genei Ryodan, it might be a good idea to not take the unnecessary risk of someone from the Mafia recognizing him in this form), but Chrollo is more likely to do that by going to a museum or a library like he usually does. You may try to convince him to go to an amusement park but don’t suggest the rides aimed at children. Remember that while you’re trying to get him to enjoy himself, his mind is still that of an adult.

Even if the condition affects his behavior somewhat, it’s not easy to predict how he will react (once again due to how his childhood might’ve been). It won’t help matters and if anything, it will make things confusing for him and bring that awkward feeling mentioned above. He may want to play, but he doesn’t know why or how or even how to approach other kids. However, if you two are just at home, eating together or watching a movie, with you being yourself (perhaps at times ruffling his hair or scratching his head because, well, he is a cute kid), this will give him a sense of security and peace he likely didn’t have as a child.

The same applies if he doesn’t remember anything. Yeah, it will be complicated to get him to trust you because he doesn’t know where he is and, while “don’t trust strangers” is a must for anyone, it’s even more so at Meteor City. People around there might help each other due to their condition, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t others who take advantage of the fact that people there are considered worthless. It might take a while just for you to convince him you mean no harm, though it might be easier if Chrollo’s feelings remain, as his own instinct will make him feel he can trust you regardless if doesn’t understand why. It’s also possible Chrollo was a lot wilder when he was younger (having to survive in that city might do that to you), to the point he seems, well, somewhat of a street urchin (or a sulky kid that stares at you with distrust masquerading as anger), especially if he regresses to a really young age.

Though, deep in his mind, he may be noting some items around the house that he could steal. An irony, really, because that vase there or the necklace you’re wearing? He is the one that gave them to you.

Once he relaxes enough, it will be easier to wait for him to go back to normal. It will still be like dealing with an animal (perhaps more so than with Hisoka because Chrollo might be the type that snarls if you approach him too much), but you’ll feel his coldness fading. He may still try to act tough, but you’ll see this is because his child self isn’t exactly used to someone not from Meteor City being gentle with him.

#headcanon #hxh headcanon #Adult Trio #child #child headcanon #Hisoka #Illumi #Zoldyck #Chrollo #Kuroro #Lucifer #This could be really cute or really creepy #Hunter x Hunter #Hunter Hisoka #children

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

Text

HALLOKNEE

Manager!Seijoh

a/n: a halloween special with our boys and the mess it is

summary: lets just say,, things get weird during halloween

okay so first of

halloween isnt a favorite holiday of most of the boys

like they all ltr are towers and skyscrapers but these kids are absolutely terrified of it all

but you just really like the holiday bc of yanno, candy, scary stuff, and omg costumes!

so you were basically very hyped and excited about it and you were excitedly humming to yourself as the date grew closer

the boys were confused as to why you were actually happy and in a good mood but they didnt complain bc they love seeing you happy

the flowery aura makes them heart eyes

HEART GOES DOKIDOKI

oikawa ran over and he stood behind you as you were distractedly humming to your clipboard

‘watcha doing, y/n-chan?’

he whispered to your ear

normally, you would shriek or flinch but you didnt and instead, turned and flashed him a grin

‘checking our schedule! i have a surprise for you all and i want to make sure theres nothing happening to stop it from happening!’

the boys grimaced and held a hand to their heart at your joy and they didnt even question what was going on or why you were so excited

all they know is you were happy

lmao oikawa got the hardest shot to it

he was front seat and his eyes widened and he froze

then he pulled you to his chest and nuzzled his face into your neck

‘aawwww~~!!!! youre so cute y/n-chan!!’

these idiots are so whipped and simp for you so hard that they completely forgot everything

your happiness continued for another week and my god that was probably the best week of their life bc you were just fluttering and giggling and skfjdslkjfdlflfkjs

to be fair though, you mentioned halloween being close and you were looking forward to a family night of watching scary movies in tv and duh these boys were already arguing with each other on who would protect you

‘I WANNA SIT NEXT TO Y/N-CHAN!’

‘WHY?! SO YOU CAN HAVE AN EXCUSE TO HOLD HER?! YOURE A PERVERT SHITTYKAWA!’

‘AS IF YOURE NOT ANY BETTER IWAIZUMI!’

‘HANAMAKI STAY OUT OF THIS!’

ltr its just a big warcry between the third years while the second and first years already were getting head pats from you for being brave boys and were comfy right next to you

‘my boys are so cute~’

ITS A LOVE SHOT! NAAA NANANANANANANAANANAAAAAA

by then, the surprise was getting closer and you were already jumping in your toes

the night before, you texted the group chat to meet you at the school by 8 pm tomorrow

they all sent replies saying okay with no questions

‘okay love you y/n-chan! <3′

‘got it! good night!’

‘sweet dreams darling!’

at around 7:30, you were standing by the school bus since coach mizoguchi omg bless his heart was going to drive you all

the boys were all dressed in warm clothing and my gosh they all looked like models what the heck

we’re just going to ignore and forget that hideous infamous oikawa outfit

but you didnt focus on that and instead waved at them happily

‘you guys!’

oikawa jumped joyfully at your voice before naruto running over to you and scooping you in his arms

‘y/n-chan!’

he shouted and you didnt mind being twirled around since you were giggling and laughing

after iwa punched his head, oikawa had to let you down and they continued bickering so you took this chance to go over to the others by the side

‘are you all excited?’

you asked and they smiled softly

kunimi ruffled your hair and you grabbed his hand

‘it’s really sweet you planned something for us, y/n’

watari reached over to pat your head and you wholeheartedly accepted the affection

‘oi, just tell us’

kyotani grumbled but you cutely smiled and held a peace sign

‘nooo~~!’

you checked your watch and you jumped

‘oh my! we need to hurry on the bus now!’

you herded everyone to sit in their seats and oikawa raised an eyebrow at the driver

‘oh? why is-’

‘your dear manager wanted to have a bonding exercise for the team. how could we refuse? oh, coach irihata said to make sure you know how to breathe and calm down’

the last sentence made question marks appear on everyone’s heads but you waved it off

‘oh come on, mizoguchi-san! dont ruin the surprise!’

you whined from your seat and the elder caught your eye at the rearview

‘just making sure to warn them, especially oikawa’

‘me?’

but he went unanswered

the team gave up trying to ask you bc you would just mischieviously smile and shake your head cutely

‘nope~! not tellingggg~!’

but oh my they were answered

mizoguchi dropped everyone off in front of a building where there was also other people at

owo the people just simply stared bc omg like 12 boys? thats freaking great and i have finally lived and can die peacefully now

the team blinked as they got off the shuttle bus and they were so confused that you waved mizoguchi off to make sure the boys wouldn’t run back to the bus if they figure it out

ofc our ever smart baby kunimi was the first to figure it out and his mouth opened

‘why,,, do you hate us, y/n-chan?’

slowly the light bulbs turned on in everyone’s heads and they all had the same shocked look

DKFLSJDKFJLDKFLJ LIKE IN OHSHC WHEN THEY FIGURED OUT HARUHI’S A GIRL OMG I MISS THAT SHOW

‘nope! im going home!’

kindaichi started to walk but you hurriedly grabbed his arm

‘nooo yuu-kun!!! noo!! please stay!! i worked so hard!!!’

you looked up with your puppy dog eyes and kindaichi scrunched his face up

no no no fight it kindaichi

but ofc hes weak to you so he sighed and went back with the group

‘oi, are you insane or what?’

kyotani, despite his tough facade, wasnt exactly the greatest with any jumpscares in movies so having a jumpscare in real life wouldn’t exaclty be,,,, not violent

but you trust he can handle it and leave the place without a charge for assault

it was clear the others were already regretting it and you got sad bc you did work hard on getting a reservation since this haunted house was the most haunted in this part of japan

your figure in front of them made them tear their eyes away from the scary windows which they swore had someone staring at them

‘come on, you guys! we’ll have fun! i promise! its not that scary!’

you assured but they still didnt look convinced

‘you know, i just,,, i wanted everyone to,, bond and,,, have fun,,,,,, and because halloween is my favorite holiday,, i thought i could share it with you all. but im sorry that i was selfish and,,,, did it even though you guys dont like it’

not at y/n being totally manipulative and using their affections and attraction to her to help her case

your downcast expression and sad eyes snapped them out of it and they just sucked it up and they all shared a look that practically meant

‘suck it up, and make sure y/n is having fun. forget about us, its her time right now’

this led to you guys standing in front of the door guy and he cracked up at the sight of this cute little girl bouncing in her shoes with a group of guys who looked pale and nauseous

‘reservation name?’

‘seijoh!’

you exclaimed and he looked in the list before nodding

‘okay. so first, the rope is what guides you all. make sure, whatever you do, never lose grip on it bc you might get lost. keep in mind, this is an actual abandoned hospital and is known to actually be haunted so unless you want to go ghost-hunting and meet unknown people or spirits, dont stray off’

that warning should’ve scared you like the boys but you just agreed with a bright grin

‘yep!’

the doorguy chuckled before reaching into the box beside him

ngl oikawa was already so scared that he flinched, not knowing what was inside of it

‘a flashlight to help you guide yourselves’

you held it tight and yahaba was already holding on to your jacket sleeve

‘also, phones in the bin, please’

‘hah?!’

iwaizumi started but you placed a hand on his chest

‘its to make sure no one films anything and ruins the surprise’

you assured and he stopped but continued glaring

everyone hesitantly placed their phones into the bin where they saw it being locked into a locker and the key was given to you

‘you can get it back when you exit so dont worry’

you nodded and the team rolled their eyes but nodded anyways

brats

‘all set? okay! go on in! happy hunting!’

omg you were slightly regretting it already

kyotani refused to not be away from you so he was holding your hand while yahaba remained clutching you

the third years wanted to appear all tough so they took the lead but oikawa was screeching and screaming at the littlest things which caused makki to scream and mattsun to also scream and then iwa and everyone else

it was like a screaming train

you even heard kyo gasp multiple times and you tightened your grip on his hand to assure him he was okay and you were right there

everything was going smoothly excused the screaming and everyone was actually having a little bit of fun since it was funny watching everyone scream at the littlest things

‘NOOO!!!!!!’

‘WAAAAHHHH!!!!!!’

the many rooms had the actors and dear god they should be emmy winning by how they just stared at you all and still sent shivers down your spines

then the unthinkable happened

the flashlight that iwaizumi was holding started to flicker and eventually died, leaving you all stranded in the pitch-dark

there wasnt even any light above you so everything was just black

everyone stopped, your breathing being paused and no one made a sound

‘RAAAA!’

someone from beside you shouted in your ear and you screamed so loudly and in instinct, everyone bolted forward with no direction on where to go

kunimi and kindaichi were holding each others hands and ran also dragging along watari since he was holding kunimi’s sleeve and also yahaba and you and kyo

‘IWA-CHAN!!!’

oikawa instinctively shouted and they all held on to each other

mattsun expected to catch ahold of watari’s hoodie since he was behind him but there was nothing but air

‘uh, you guys?’

he wished and prayed and hoped your voice would answer back but there was silence

‘oi! l/n y/n!’

he shouted and makki trembled in fear

‘iwaizumi? oikawa?’

‘h-huh!’

iwaizumi grunted and my goodness was this really happening

everything was going too smoothly that something bad happening shouldve been seen from the get-go!

the 4 third years were thankfully with each other since they were already huddled up at the front but their kouhais were nowhere near them

‘iwa-chan! what do we do!’

oikawa cried and iwaizumi hit him to keep him quiet

‘shut up shittykawa!’

‘oi! stop fighting and think about this!’

mattsun quieted them down into shaking forms

‘the team is gone. theyre somewhere in this hospital and there’s a chance theyve strayed off the path’

makki shakily breathed

‘so what should we do?’

iwaizumi bit his lip to think of a plan

‘should we just go around and shout and scream for them?’

oikawa suggested but makki turned it down

‘no. that would ruin it for everyone else. we’re not the only ones in here’

oikawa blanched

‘i dont care about the other people! who knows what happened to y/n! i give no fck about strangers when she could be lost somewhere in this big ass hospital!’

they were stumped with no solutions so they just agreed to iwa’s suggestion

‘lets just hurry and get this over with and meet the people outside and get their help’

‘or! we can ask the staff in here, the actors, to help us! this is an accident’

‘you stupid or dumb? you think they would help us? its an us problem, not theirs, so theyre not going to abandon their post and look for them’

ltr maybe its the panic thats making them all crazy but they just settledon hurrying up and finishing the maze so they could get help

but the moment they turned to what seems to be a corner, they already managed to get themselves lost

iwaizumi felt around for the familiar texture of the rope which is supposed to be at his right but in the end, his hand reached nothing

‘fck!’

he shouted and scared the other 3

‘WHAT?!’

makki yelled

‘the rope. the rope’s not here anymore’

silence

then oikawa sobbed

‘oh my god im going to die’

he whimpered and makki sniffled

‘i wanna go home’

mattsun and iwa were the only at least stable ones and they finally resigned to defeat and grabbed their friends and walked to nowhere

on to your side!!

you and the others finally stopped running but the beating of your hearts still pumped at a fast speed

‘are we safe now?!’

kindaichi shouted and there was a chorus of confusion amongst the others

‘iwa-san?’

you checked and usually he would grunt but there was just silence

it was quiet and the familiar voice of oikawa was nowhere in sight

‘i dont know about you guys but my oikawa sensors just shut off’

yahaba pointed out and you gasped

‘where are they?’

kyotani refused to let go so you felt around with your left hand for the rope

to your relief, it was still there but the feeling of the missing boys outweighed it and made your anxiety levels spike up

‘should we call them? lets call them’

yahaba started but kyotani bonked his head

‘baka. they took our phones earlier’

the reminder of the confiscated form of communication meant that there was no other way you could contact the others

panic bubbled over kindaichi watari and yahaba while you kunimi and kyotani were busy thinking of something

‘i think theyve strayed off. if they didn’t, they wouldve heard us from up there’

kunimi mumbled

‘but where else could they have gone to?’

you asked and kyotani huffed beside you

‘we cant see anything. hell, i cant even see you. obviously theres probably a hallway they ran down to without even knowing they went there’

‘so youre saying theyre lost? without any way to contact us? what do we do?’

you whimpered, finally realizing and the idea of the others being gone settling in

‘this is all my fault. i shouldnt have dragged you here. i made a mistake-’

‘hey, dont freak out. im right here’

even though you couldnt see him, kenta maneuvered his way to cup your face and you felt his forehead press against yours and his nose nuzzling your cheek

the smell of cherry blossoms and vanilla with the slightest hint of sandalwood

kyotani’s scent comforted you and you were able to calm down

‘we’ll figure this out. its okay, you got me’

he whispered and you nodded

‘youre right here. we’ll be okay, okay?’

you giggled a little bit at the repitition of the word but smiled when he pulled you close to his chest

ugh i mightve already written a kyo route but that doesnt stop me from putting in kyo moments :”)

the other 4 were figuring out a plan that was eerily similar to the 3rd years

‘lets just finish this and ask the staff for help later’

they all agreed to kunimi’s idea and hurriedly gripped the rope to start going back to the path

you were in between kindaichi and kyotani with the former in front and the latter behind you

‘im right here. you got this’

kyotani would occasionally whisper and you were so grateful to have someone to be there

then the lights flickered and your eyes caught sight of something down the hallway to your left and you noticed a shadow

a shadow of a tall figure that was kinda familiar

‘y/n-chan~’

you flinched and the voice of your blocker filled your ears

‘mattsun-san?’

you were too focused on the voice to hear the others questions of what was happening

‘over here, y/n-chan~’

there it was again

‘mattsun-san!’

you shouted and bolted to the hallway where you were sure the voice was at and you were ignoring the shouts of the others and kyotani hurriedly ran after you

‘mattsun-san!’

you shouted again and you ended up at the hallway, with the lights still flickering but there was no one

kyotani panted as he caught up to you before snatching your hand

‘oi! dont run off like that!’

it seems the others were too scared to let go of the rope that they were fine if kyotani went after you bc he was strong so he could protect you both if needed

right?

kyotani is a bark bark woof woof boy not a priest

you felt his warm hand grip your again as if to signal that you werent running off alone again

‘i heard him i swea-’

‘to your left, y/n-chan~’

ok ngl im getting chills writing this

the flickering lights allowed you to see the shadow again and yep there it was

it was at the end of the hallway to your left and once you turned and saw it, it ran to the right

‘mattsun-san! wait!’

as you were going to run, kyotani refused to let you go

he placed strong hands to your shoulders and you looked up at him, your eyes manic

‘listen to me, y/n. youre hearing things’

he firmly said

‘i dont hear matsukawa or anyone’

you started breathing heavily, the air seemingly getting colder and thinner

‘you dont understand! he was right there! his shadow-!’

‘let her play a game, boy!’

matsukawa’s voice this time took a harsh tone and even kyotani jumped, holding you to his chest protectively

‘oi! matsukawa! its not funny anymore!’

your eyes looked over kyo’s shoulder and you saw the shadow again from behind him

‘please trust me, kyo! hm?’

you begged and he sighed

‘im holding on to you. im not letting you go again’

this wouldve been romantic if you werent in an actual paranormal story

you chased after the ghost and it would occasionally whisper in your ear to keep your attention until you ran into a pitch-black hallway

‘what do we do now, y/n?’

kyo whispered and you trembled

‘mattsun-san!’

you weakly cried, knowing there was a strong possibility he wouldnt answer back

but a loud screech from the far right brought hope into you

‘Y/N-CHAN!’

is that-

‘oikawa-san?!’

you shrieked and there was a trample of footsteps running over to you and naturally, kyotani pulled you behind him

then a hand made you shriek

‘relax. its just me, y/n-chan’

mattsun’s voice sounded clearer this time since he was right beside you and you hugged him

‘come on. everyone hold hands so that no one will get lost. we’ll take about this later’

iwa commanded and as the true leader of the gang, everyone followed his lead

there was a red sign with the most amazing word on top of it

‘EXIT’

it looked like a door that was only meant for staff but at this point, you all were desperate to just leave

as you reached the handle, the voice came back

‘aw~ leaving so soon?’

you turned around, halting mattsun and kyotani as they held your hands and felt you stop

‘show yourself. i know you’re not mattsun-san so stop using his voice’

you demanded and you turned, feeling a chilly air rush behind you

‘boo~’

it whispered to your ear and you eyes widened at the sight from further down the hallway

you could make out a mass of a body and at the top, there was bright red eyes and white teeth smiling menacingly

‘oh my god’

you whispered and the boys saw exactly what you were seeing

‘what is that’

oikawa whimpered

its mouth obviously moved as it spoke

‘are you leaving me, y/n-chan? so cruel~’

its voice was sickly sweet and sounded like a teenage boy’s but was so mean and hate-filled

you started sobbing and oikawa turned the door to run but it stayed put and didnt budge

‘you were so fun to play with~ are your friends fun too~?’

it looked like it was coming closer with a hand outstretched and you started shivering and your voice ripped into a scream

‘stop! go away!’

iwa mustered all his strength and ran against the metal door but it opened on its own, leaving the boy to land on the grass from outside

you were pulled by the others before it could touch you and you were already hysterically crying before the first and second years ran over and engulfed you to a hug

you were being hushed by the them and you tightly held on to someone’s arms

‘sshhh its okay, we’re right here’

you reduced to hiccups before looking around

‘w-where’s the other people?’

you asked, taking notice of the empty field

‘are we at the back?’

the boys shared a confused look

‘huh? what are you talking about, y/n?’

you looked at yahaba like he was crazy

‘the other people! the other people wanting to go in! and the doorguy! the haunted event! the haunted house!’

their eyes flickered everywhere to try and make sense of what you were saying but in the end resulted to just pure confusion and fear

‘y/n, we’re not at some event’

iwa started and your eyes widened

‘w-what?’

makki shakingly placed a hand on your shoulder

‘y/n, you dragged us here to go ghost-hunting. and there’s no doorguy’

your eyes flickered down as your mind tried to wrap itself with what was going on

‘what do you mean? i took you here for a haunted attraction! the doorguy took our phones and locked them in a locker, remember?’

you wildly waved your arms around but they still didnt understand

‘and the flashlight! and the rope! w-we had to hold on to the rope! the rope made sure we didnt stray off the path! bu-but the flashlight! the flashlight died!’

kunimi noticed the beginning of a panic attack so he pulled you close to him and made sure you could feel his heartbeat

‘listen to me, y/n. you took us here because we all lost a bet with you and this was what you wanted since its halloween and we trespassed to go here and there was no doorguy who took our phones because all our phones died the moment we got here and we saw a rope hanging from the ceiling and we had no flashlight in the first place’

he whispered to your ear and you pushed away from him, curling your arms around yourself

‘no! what bet?! i took you here for bonding time for our volleyball team! you were getting busy for inter high so i figured this could help you have fun!’

now that took the cake

‘what volleyball team?’

your eyes finally settled on your ‘captain’

‘what do you mean, ‘what volleyball team’, oikawa-san?’

totally disregarding the fact that you just called him by his last name instead of his first, he focused on what you were talking about

‘if you wanted to bond with the volleyball team, then you brought the wrong sport team over then’

oikawa scoffed, feeling rage bubbling inside him at the familiar players of the volleyball team

‘you shouldve brought over nagisa and rin and them, then, y/n’

makki bitterly mumbled and you were just so exhausted and tired and confused

‘WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT’

you bursted and started crying which ofc prompted the others to calm down and focus on you

‘y/n, love, we’re the swimming team, not the little ball playing game’

mattsun reminded and you shook your head, disbelief and utter fear present in your face

‘then-then! oikawa-san! give me your right knee!’

you ran over and he questioningly raised his leg

‘uhh,, what are you doing, y/n?’

kunimi asked but you waved him off, determination in your eyes

‘this should prove hes a volleyball player’

then you punched it really hard which resulted with a sickening pop

oikawa screamed

a/n: idk if the concept is clear enough but uwu send in a guess and ill answer if you got it right

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nestasgalpal · 3 years ago

Text

The art of antagonism

Fixing ACOSF part 7

Masterlist | AO3

Summary: It’s Starfall, the most beautiful night of the year in the Night Court. Nesta is with her friends, dancing with them, and not even his unexpected appearence will ruin it.

A/N: I AM SORRY IT TOOK ME MONTHS. I got a job and didn’t have that much time. There was so much these two needed to discuss... and there is more coming in the next chapters (WHICH I HAVE DRAFTED BECAUSE THEY WERE SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE THAN THIS ONE). Anyway, here is the next part of Fixing A Court of Gaslighting.

Tagging: @gwynriel @zoyaslai @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @azrielandhawkesropebunny @frosted-crackers @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower @drielecarla

The night was even more beautiful now that Nesta laid on the cold grass, Gwyn dancing nearby with her feet bare. Stars rained over them.

The training yards on the rooftop took most of the space, but there was enough room for the three of them to lay on the soft grass that started to grow with the early spring weather. Emerie was not with them yet. Her sister said Azriel would go sought her, but it was taking him a little longer than she had anticipated.

Gwyn sang. She did so quietly enough that Nesta only grasped some of it, the soft melody flowing between them. Her friend literally glowed covered in stardust, like a goddess who looked down to the city of light and shone for its citizens. Her presence there -out of the library at night- a blessing to them.

Nesta got up from her mat and joined the improvised dance to the rythm of Gwyn’s light mutter. Nesta made her twirl and then catched her in her arms, laughing at how clumpsy the manuver came out. Gwyn laughed too, and Nesta knew she had made the right decision when she left Feyre’s party.

She wanted to spend her first Starfall -the first Starfall she would remember- with her new friends.

Stars zoomed in the sky, fast and beautiful. Nesta let Gwyn spin her and then take her hand, the other one now resting in the priestess shoulder. They moved together in harmony, not performing the choreography or any real dance she knew, yet swinging with grace.

Then, Emerie arrived. Only it was not Az who brought her to them, but Rhysand.

Nesta’s joy vanished in a heartbeat. What was he doing here? Emerie run to them. She looked unharmed, smiling as she approached and waving her hand with excitement. Nesta walked past her, straight to Rhysand.

“Feyre asked me to bring her here” he explained before Nesta said a word.

“Did she?” not a single syllable was free of poison and distrust.�� She knew it was a lie, her sister hadn’t asked him.

The High Lord didn’t try to deny the silent accusation. Because he didn’t really care that she knew it had been his idea -that he had asked Feyre to be the one bringing Emerie to Velaris, and she had agreed. He wanted Nesta to know that after the last fight with his mate, he had been forgiven, and her sister trusted him blindly again.

Silence didn’t have time to settle between them before Nesta found the strength in herself to answer to his silent jibe with just as much pettiness. “Well, that’s good. For a moment I thought you were here to join us. And you know, we usually don’t accept new members when they’ve threatened the life of one of us.” Nesta shrugged, her face not showing a pinch of the bad blood she felt. Her eyes did that for her, as did Rhysand’s in return.

“I already apologized for that” was all he said. Yes, he had apologized to Feyre. And to Cassian, who had been comfortably talking to him in the balcony.

But not to her. The one whose life he had threatened. He didn’t think he had to. And nobody expected him to do so either, apparently.

Facing him wasn’t something she had anticipated for tonight. She didn’t feel prepared at all.

Learning to respect herself enough to keep going with her life was not an easy path, and her sister’s mate was still the biggest obstacle she would have to face after she came to terms with herself.

Not tonight, please. Not now.

Rhysand had threatened her multiple times. And he hadn’t apologized to her once. It wasn’t fair. That much, she knew. In theory, this should be easy -facing him and demanding respect. But in practice it wasn’t. Nesta found herself struggling to keep control of her emotions, her anger, her guiltiness. There was a learned habit of believing his words to be true because everyone else seemed to agree with him and it was either accepting them as well, or be left alone to stand against him.

He had the same confident grin he had worn the day Feyre sent her here. That disgusting grim Nesta dreaded. She knew that if he had tried to look only a little more intimidating, she would have fallen back in line, accepting that she was still his prisoner in The House of Wind, a building she couldn’t escape from. But the way his confident eyes looked down on her made the mist in her mind vanish, her rage rising up like a shield -her old reliable walls.

She was done with being the only one who was held accountable for her mistakes.

A high-pitched laugh came from where Gwyn and Emerie were sharing a welcome hug. Only a few little lanterns on the floor lightened up the space, stars doing the rest.

They oozed joy as Nesta turned her back to them to face her sister’s mate again. She wanted to join her friends, but had to do this first. Because Nesta had endured too much already, and wasn’t willing to let this male ruin the most beautiful night of the year for her. She was determined to have fun with her Valkyrie sisters, so if Rhysand wanted trouble, he would have to wait.

They would have a confrontation another time, and it would be on her terms.

“You should go back to your party. You have guests.”

The High Lord nodded. His semblance was relaxed, comfortable. In control. “You do too. Though it looks like you are missing one. Do you want me to bring Elain up here as well?” Nesta fought the impulse to tighten her jaw and fists. She made herself breathe through the anger and keep her mien blank. “Get one sister, loose the other, I guess”. He shifted on his feet, his hands now in his pockets, the image of a confident male. He waved his hand to her friends behind her, a smile on his lips that didn’t meet his eyes. “I’ll never forget Elain’s tears when she came back from visiting you that last time”.

“And I’ll never care about what you think of that.”

Nesta tried to make her words heavy with venom. Unmoving stone against his constant pushing. She intended for them to sound like a final statement. But truth can’t always be bent like that, sometimes it flungs free. Against her will, her voice was light, syllables one after the other coming out of her mouth as naturally as breathing.

Not cold, not welcoming or tinted with any hue of sentiment at all. Her words were a simple and transparent truth: She didn’t care what he said, what he thought of her or what he did. She never would, no matter how many traps and punishments Rhysand devised for her, or how strong his High Lord abilities affected her psyche. There was no room inside her left to care about this male in front of her anymore. Specially, not now.

Because he would never change who he was, or how far he was willing to go to see his goals materialize. Nesta was beyond caring, anyway. Beyond trying to earn his pardon.

Nesta told herself she was the master of her own fate, as her sisters and every other person in her live controlled their own. She repeated the words like a mantra, an exercise to convince herself and keep her cool. Whatever I want, I can work for it with or without his approval.

Nesta took in the image presented in front of her. The delicate embroidery of his tunic, the carefully styled hair. The overall perfection of his appearance. And concluded that he wasn’t worth the effort of coming up with witty insults. He simply needed to leave her party and go back to his own.

“You’ve made your loved ones cry a fair amount as well, and they found a way to forgive you. If what you’ve done to others can be excused, then I’m sure my sisters and I will find a way to work things out as well. We are long-lasting creatures now, We are in no hurry.”

As his only answer, Rhysand fixed his gaze behind her again and smiled, a wicked grin darkening his beautiful features. Emerie’s burst of laughter echoed in the rooftop. He kept his stare there. Nesta could almost hear his brain at work, but didn’t get a clear reading of his thoughts.

There was a weird feeling about his presence there, the way he kept looking at the illyrian and the priestess. He was monitoring them, as if making sure they were okay. That’s when it clicked -the reason why her sister’s mate had insisted on winnowing Emerie himself. He didn’t travel all the way to Illyria to provoke her, he was actually making sure Nesta wasn’t a threat to her friend’s safety.

He had already warned her once about that on that same spot of the House of Wind.

Why did he insist on making of Nesta such a monster in his mind?

The only reason she even met her Valkyrie sisters was him locking her in that damned house carved in the mountain. It had been his idea to make her work in the library with the priestess. It had been an order of his that she went to Windhaven to train. Why did he insist of making a threat of her even when he was the one moving her around and controlling her every movement?

“Haven’t you taken enough from me already?” she asked when the silence became too much, anger rising in her stomach and burning all the way up to her throat.

She really needed to know. Because as days went on, she started questioning what did her sister’s mate even expect from her. To what end had he engined this plan? What did he want from her before he let her out? That’s if he ever intended to do so...

Does he only want to see my spirit broken?

Nesta was well aware of how her choices had hurt Feyre. Cassian. Even Elain. But what had she even done to him? Why did he go around pretending her life and her future belonged to him so fiercely she had almost believed it as well? Why was he so convinced of his entitlement to grant her a pardon or not, even when the rest had already made peace with her?

That, she didn’t understand. That was precisely what made her shake and be scared of the future. That she didn’t know. That she didn’t know if the rest did either. That they saw and heard him act like that... and didn’t say anything.

That was what made her fall and fall again under his power. Whenever she felt like his treatment was unfair, she looked around and realized she was the only one who had a problem with it. She doubted herself, how reliable her own judgement was.

But she had to come out of that darkness.

She had to, or else she would really crumple up and perish once and for all.

When Rhysand looked back at her, he scanned her features as if she were a puzzle, a mystery. His own personal challenge that didn’t exist beyond his own perception. A hint of pity shone for a second in his pupils, then disappeared as if it had never been there.

“Don’t you think you deserved some of it?” he asked back. When Nesta didn’t answer, he decided to explain it to her with the condescension only those who didn’t belong to his circle knew from him. “You don’t even know how deeply your actions have hurt her. How much damage you have caused.” Rhysand gave a step closer. Nesta didn’t back down. “She keeps forgiving you because she’s already imagined what her life looks like with you by her side and wants it desperately. You prey on her innocence -on her unconditional love. You take advantage of it and fail her time after time.” The High Lord was gritting his teeth “Yet she keeps coming back to you. I refuse to allow this behavior from you anymore. I must put an end to it before you drag her down with you to that well you seem unable to escape. If you want to be miserable, so be it. But I won’t allow you to ruin my mate as well.”

Oh.

So that’s it.

It hurt. It hurt way more than she could have anticipated. Nesta had spent countless hours looking between her memories for the most painful ones. For those times when she had been so awful there was no room for redemption. She had been the first one to use them against herself in those long nights of self-loathing. Nesta had gone over and over those times when she picked on her sisters, she had memorized every insult thrown at them until the words lost their meaning and no longer could be used to hurt herself.

Nesta thought nobody could use that against her better than she already did and make her hate who she was more than she ever did. So it hurt to listen to Rhysand and understand what was hidden behind his words. There was an underlying truth that she had never even considered. A new layer to the High Lord’s character that she had never known. Yet suddenly, it all made sense.

And it hurt.

It hurt to realize that Rhysand wouldn’t stop trying to keep her away from Feyre because he was jealous. He was jealous that it didn’t matter what he gave her -a crown, a court, the world itself... Feyre wouldn’t have the life she wanted until she had her sister by her side to enjoy it. It almost made her laugh, hadn’t it been the cause for almost a year of missery.

It was sad and pathetic to realize this male was using every weapon at his disposal to ruin her because of his own insecurity, his own fear of not being enough.

She had been suffering this nightmare for him. For his ego.

“I did kind of deserve this” she answered with honesty, her arms spreading at her sides to point at the space. Her open sky prison. “The first time a High Lord used a fake law to manipulate me and my family to his will, I was unprepared. But this second time, I kind of deserved it. I should have known.”

Rhysand’s eyes widened as she spoke, but Nesta wasn’t finished yet “Do you get like a manual, or something, when you sit on the throne? How to trick stupid girls into giving up their freedom? How to keep them quiet when they refuse?” she mocked.

His eyes were voids of blackness that seemed to swallow her, his dark essence flinging free around them. To say his performance was a threat would be a stretch. It wasn’t a threat, it was the preparation for an attack. The scent of his anger hit her senses and almost knocked her out, a death promise painted in his fine features.

Don’t you ever compare me to him, he growled in her mind.

But Nesta had faced death too many times to be scared of it anymore.

She took a step closer as a savage grin formed in her lips. Unafraid. Because she was sure his threats would become true, and the thought of it made her shiver. But so would hers, if the male in front of her even considered hurting Feyre, her friends of Nesta herself again. “Then stop doing the same shit he did”.

Her words came out as a whisper, soft in the way a lion’s fur was to the touch. A softness that didn’t make its jaws even slightly less dangerous when it prayed upon its victim.

And they hit their mark.

Rhysand’s hands were fists

Nesta was already preparing her next jibe. She wanted him to leave, to stay away from her. But if he refused, then she was ready to fight him to filth. To make him see for himself how hard it was to make peace with everything she needed to mend, every person she had hurt, when he kept going after her for the fun of it. She would make him go through it if that was the only option he left her.

But when Nesta met his gaze, she thought she saw a kind of hurt deep in his pupils so familiar that she wondered if the black in his eyes was only reflecting her own. “I only want to protect my mate” he said at last, his eyes endlessly tired now. She would have pitied him. Had he ever granted Nesta a little consideration before dismissing her as a monster, as a threat, as the cause of every single inconvenience in their lives, she would have pitied him. It wasn’t the case.

“Then go sought her, and leave me alone.”

He did. Without any last comment to torment her evening, without a last threatening glare to let her know that she had won this fight, but not the war, Rhysand went for the stairs, and got lost in the darkness.

Nesta gave a step back, not wanting to turn her back to the stairs... just in case. Only when she made sure her sister’s husband wasn’t coming back and her erratic breathing became normal again, she went to meet her friends.

Gwyn was barefoot and sited on the ground, her hair all the colors except the auburn shade the Mother had given her. Emerie was standing by her side.

“Is everything okay?” the illyrian asked.

Nesta forced herself to open her mouth in a broad smile for her friends to see.

“Yeah, it was just a misunderstanding” they didn’t look convinced “Family stuff. Sometimes it’s hard to draw the line between family business and the obligations of one’s job, you know.”

Emerie’s hand found hers and gave it a tug. “Well, whenever it becomes too much to handle, come find us.”

“You can always count on us, Nesta. We’ll be here for you.”

Gwyn raised from the grass with some help from her hands. She moved her arms around them, her lips forming a smile that showed all her teeth. When Nesta thought the redhead was going to hug them, she opened her fists in their faces, stardust flowing from them and into their bodies.

Emerie coughed, Nesta only burst out a loud laugh that resonated in every balcony of the House of Wind. She had been taken by surpise. And it had been fun.

Nesta forgot about every other person she had met that night and the presence of those two females by her side became so obvious and indubitable, she almost cried for a second time.

Her friends. She was going to spend Starfall with her friends. The family she had chosen. Who had also chosen her.

Emerie was giggling too, but she hadn’t appreciated the surprise as much as Nesta. “Why did you do that?” she reprimanded Gwyn, the amusement impossible to hide.

“You were too clean. I think I have stardust even under the tunic” Gwyn said. Her slippers, abandoned in a corner, were for sure coated with light blue glimmer.

“They are spirits, Gwyneth Berdara!” Emrie corrected. “It’s not dust.”

Was it not? Nesta didn’t know about that, or how spirits could take this form at all. She had always imagined ghosts as ethereal beings, not shooting stars.

“Doesn’t matter, let’s just enjoy the night. You probably don’t want to be bored by a history lesson” she joked.

“I do.” Nesta sat on the grass, Gwyn was quick to follow. “I want you to tell me everything about it, please”.

Emerie had to give in and let the smile she was hiding shine on her lips. Pretending she wasn’t as eager to share legends and stories about her Court with them as they were to hear her talk, Emerie started her tale.

Stories about our Court, she corrected herself. Because it was now a home for the three of them.

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