#we gotta add the hard questions to this game folks

[satohqbanana]

OC Interview Tag

Rules: Answer the tagger's questions as your OC/s. Then, come up with a set of new questions for the next OC to answer.

Tagged by @amaiguri. Thanks for the tag! For this I'll answer as pre-character development Des.

You sit down in a comfortable holding room with wicker furniture as you are left to wait for your interviewee. The fine rustic table already has tea out for you, its aroma seeping into your senses. You realize that this is not your average OC interview session, and the thrill of a something new and unfamiliar trickles along your palms.

A few moments later, footsteps shuffle nearby, and into the room enter three people. Well, well, well; weren't you told you'd only be talking to one person?

Jewel: Thank you for treating us to this special surprise. Unfortunately, I cannot simply permit you to conduct this interview alone with my pupil. So, I've brought a friend as well. Ireus: Hi~

That's all right with you. You simply need to ask a few questions, after all. After getting some answer - or any form of which - you plan to leave right away to take care of other business. They sit down, and you start the interview.

What food do you miss from your childhood? Des: The community stew. It has an unforgettable warmth.

What skill do you wish you could master instantly? Des: None, really. I just want a peaceful and quiet life. Ireus: And that, my friend, translates to, "I want to master the skill of hiding and running away." Des: HEY!

To whom are you closest at the moment? What are they like? Des: Mistress Jewel, I suppose. Ireus, who held a very expectant face moments ago, now grimaces. Mistress Jewel, who is now holding him back with her firm hands, chuckles in delight. Des: She respects secrets and she always speaks with grace.

Whose approval do you want the most? Des looks downwards and hesitates to answer. Des: That person is far away from me now. Jewel: In terms of distance, may I clarify? But not in your heart, my dear. Des smiles. Des: You are right.

What is the first time you realized the people who raised you had flaws? Des: Excuse me? What did you say? You assumptive little-- Des' face scrunches from the offense and dishonor of a very assumptive question. Arms of shadows crawl like tendrils and prepare to strike with clawed hands. Luckily, both Mistress Jewel and Ireus pull Des aside to explain the question in a lighter manner. Des: ...ah. My bad. Well, then. I cannot associate any real flaw with my family, unfortunately. Though Des says this, the shadows do not retract. This is a warning. Jewel: I think my pupil has had enough of this interview. Please do excuse us.

You hastily nod. Mistress Jewel and Ireus take the still obviously seething Des away. What an interesting person. You feel that you should not overstay your welcome, and after helping yourself to some tea, you quickly leave.

Here's the next set of questions:

Would you willingly let yourself be imprisoned if it means your future remains secure, or choose to be free even thought you not know what to do to keep yourself alive, happy, and well?

Would you rather live in a world where flowers do not wither?

If you knew the world you'd grow up in would be like this, would you choose to be born in it, still?

If you were to be reborn, would you do your current life over?

In the world where all that you love no longer exists, whose sake would you wake up for?

Gentle tag for @spidersun, @romances-not-tragedies, @kaatiba, and @reedandstorm. This is also open for anyone else who'd like to try answering my questions.

[inventors-fair]

Updates and Expectations

Hey folks. Couple of important notes before we get into the meat:

To accommodate spoiler warnings, we generally ask that future set mechanics not be used until a set has had its prerelease—i.e. don't use Duskmourn mechanics until the contest announced on September 15th, since the prerelease will be on that Friday the 20th. Again, this is minor, something we'd prefer, but not the end of the world. We've talked about this on Discord but not on Tumblr, so some folks might not have heard about it. Our bad.

If you're somehow not submitting from a Tumblr account, please add some way to tag you, or literally any information whatsoever. We've had a couple folks submit from email addresses and, well, it's frustrating when we're not even sure if you're gonna see comments later.

As everyone knows, all cards need artist credit for discernable pictures. If it's a random set of pixels like what I usually do, don't worry about it. If it's a text art description, also don't worry about it. Original art? Credit yourself, you gorgeous maestro! Mashup art from other MTG cards? Gotta credit 'em all. Stock photo? Find the original photographer and/or credited group. Game screenshot? Credit the developer. Use your critical thinking skills and find solutions; we have faith in y'all's abilities.

Alright. Now for the other stuff.

Commentary on cards, as everyone knows, can range from some quick snippets to a massive essay-long series of thoughts and opinions. I range from about 4,000-8,000 words for mine. Now that I'm working on Saturdays, it's going to be a bit tight to get things in in the afternoon, but that's what Friday (and the week in general) is for. I'm in a fortunate position regarding time, space, and experience in writing.

As some folks might've noticed, commentary isn't always on time with the contests in question. The long story short is that there's no easy solution to this. If I was running this full-time solo, I would barely have time to write for myself during the week. Even divided, commentary is a massive undertaking—and it isn't always tenable.

Going forward, the winners and runners should still be around their right time barring extenuating schedules and circumstances. Commentary will just not always be available for the rest of the entries, especially if there are larger numbers. I don't think that limiting the number of entries is a good option, and there are just too many factors for this position to warrant that every judge fulfill commentary every week. I'll try to get in commentary as much as I can, and in this position I'm grateful that I'm able to get it all done to the degree that I have over the years. Not everyone has that time or energy, and it's more of a toll than meets the eye.

In the #fair-talk in Discord, Judges can ask any questions you might have about the card and offer their opinions and insights. That way, you can get some in-depth comments on your card that may not be available in lieu of full commentary. If full commentary is available, then feel free to read up and read away!

One last note: THE EARLIER YOU GET YOUR CARD IN, THE BETTER! Late entries are totally fine, but speaking from experience, doing commentary over the week becomes more difficult when we have multiple entries down to the wire. Sometimes timing and schedules make things difficult! The fact is that timing still matters. Help us help you.

We're all here for the love of the game. We all understand that mental taxes are just as taxing as anything. And, I hope we all understand that writing is really hard. Be well, stay sharp.

@abelzumi

[yshai-tia]

. layercake

.LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

name: y’shai tia

“at yer service, mate. aye, though ye might wanna ask again inna moon ‘er so-- lil’ more papers ‘ta push through an’ the last bit’ll change there. still can’t gods damned believe it if y’ask me.”

eye color: blue (left), green (right)

“pree’ common combo fer seekers, y’know? green from me ma, can only guess the blue from dear ol’ pops. is tha’ how it works? i ain’ a genetics sorta guy.”

hair style/color: black, lackadaisical

“oi now, leas’ it ain’ a qiqirn’s nest. take care ov’ me braids though, if yer lucky jus’ might tell ye what they mean some day.”

height: 5 fulms, 9 ilms

“look, ‘m tall fer a miqo’te, thas’ gotta count fer somethin’. ain’ about the height, mate, s’all ‘bout how ye use what yer slapped with.”

clothing style: predominately black with abhorrent amounts of leather

“what, like either ov’ those things ‘er ev’r gonna go outta style? lookin’ good an’ bein’ durable, ye can’t really go wrong there. an’ it ain’t like ‘m allergic ‘ta change, startin’ ‘ta get used ‘ta this whole buttoned ‘ta the throat business. sorta.”

best physical feature: absolutely everything, take your personal pick

“c’mon now, lookit yers truly, notta shortage ov’ ‘bests’ in sight, choosin’ jus’ one would jus’ be cruel. thick thighs, thick arse-- lil’ thick in th’ head sometimes but, aye, leas’ yer lookin’ at somethin’ nice.”

.LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

your fears: physical restrictions, i.e. being bound, failing to protect those he loves and/or hurting them himself, powerlessness and ineptitude, particularly large coeurls

“cor, jus’ had ‘ta go from a fun question straight ‘ta this. lighten up, mate.”

your guilty pleasure: who’s guilty?

“ain’ nothin’ guilty ‘bout indulgence-- an’ i sure as shit don’ think ‘bout-- ... ah, fuck. guess there was one time... but that was long ‘go now, ain’ no point bringin’ it up.”

your biggest pet peeve: don’t get him started

“the fact that ul’dah exists, does that fuckin’ count? aye, yer right, ‘ta big ‘ta be a peeve. cor, i dunno, what ye cryin’ over spilt yak’s milk fer. i guess... aye, well, this is a personal one-like, but whiddle this fer a second; self-proclaimed sorts ov’ engineers who go off wif’out a single thought fer consequences. ... aye, aye, i hear ye, real fuckin’ bold fer someone like me ‘ta bitch ‘bout that, but, listen, a guy can change. it’s one thing ‘ta fuck ‘round with things ye don’ understand fer the sake of curiousity but ye also don’ see me gettin’ ass deep in allagan bullshit jus’ cause there might be a fancy toy there that tickles me boredom away fer a spell. shit’s got its conveniences, aye, not like i dunno the uses ova’ tomephone-- but most ov’ it is also fuckin’ dangerous, not sayin’ that it shouldn’ be explored proper, but not by some renegade blighter who fancies himself some magitek wiz so far up his own arse it makes yer local garlean look like a dozen o’ roses.

swear, ye got folks out here thinkin’ jus’ cause they can take apart a chronometer ‘er do some basic maintenance on a firearm that they’re ready fer solo-scavenging-- next ye know they’re wadin’ in aetherochemical spills an’ huffin’ ceruleum.

so that’s one fer the road there, ask me again sometime an’ i’ll enlighten ye ‘bout all the fuckin’ joys ov’ seeker racism ‘ve ‘ad the pleasure of gettin’ ‘ta know.”

your ambition for the future: much and more

“one day ‘atta time has always been me go of things, aye, gander though i ain’t without dreams, ‘specially now with tha’ stability in me life-- let me think ‘bout things that i nev’r really thought mattered ‘ta much ‘ta me ‘fore, the future an’ like.

firs’ thing that comes ‘ta mind would be me projects, bein’ able ‘ta have me own workshop has been both a blessin’ an’ a curse; blessin’ fer obvious reasons, curse cause ‘m startin’ ‘ta have one ‘ta many irons in the fire, if ye whiddle me meanin’. the biggest one though... even i gotta admit tha’ this is a generational project at bes’ outlook, but. workin’ ta’wards bein’ able ‘ta purify an’ clean the land ov’ the remnants of war-- speakin’ ov’ ceruleum spills an’ the like. with hope me husband says that we could maybe one day bring th’ elementals’ blessin’ back ‘ta tainted lands, thas’ his field of expertise at work there... jus’ bein’ able ‘ta rid the land ov’ imperial consequence is a worthwhile goal ‘ta me, i reckon.

oth’r than that.. there’s some silly things, aye, winna big marksman competition ov’ sorts, fish up a catch that no one’s ev’r seen ‘fore, get stronger... thas’ one thas’ nev’r changed, fer differ’nt reasons now mind.”

.LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

your first thoughts waking up: depends on the morning

“considerin’ the curr’nt season an’ all, most of me mornins’ start with me husband latchin’ on ‘ta me an’ not lettin’ me leave the bed at leas’ an extra bell fer the sake of warmth.

which is ‘ta say me first thoughts when wakin’ are pree’ fuckin good ones.”

what you think about the most: his husband, work, personal projects, underlying worries and responsibilities he’s not prone to publicly airing

“i ain’ exactly the ‘fee-low-sof-ick-al’ type, mate. keep it simple-like, thinkin’ ‘bout what’s in front ov’ me, the next step aft’r that.”

what you think about before bed: depends on the night

“‘pends on if ‘m too fucked out ‘ta even think ‘fore sleep takes me ‘er not. still, thoughts still mostly the same ‘gardless-- usually somethin’ long the lines of jus’ how godsdamned lucky i really am.”

you think your best quality is: once again.... take your personal pick

“well, ‘lready mentioned me ass, me thighs... if ye fancy scars me chest an’ back are pree’ damn nice too, me arms got some neat lookin’ ones lemme-- oh, y’don’t mean physical this time. cor, why didn’ ye say so.

shit, uhh... well, i ain’ the type ‘ta give up, come hell ‘er high water. shit tha’ might be a flaw but fuck it, it gets results, at leas’.”

.LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: single

“the hell issa group date? like a bunch’a folk all mated goin’ out? separate mated pairs? yer missin’ me here. only got eyes fer one, so the point is prolly moot.”

to be loved or respected: respected

“this issa easy one. trus’ me, know what is like bein’ ‘loved’ without respect, shit’s fun fer a spell, strokes the ego ‘til yer cummin’ yer own pride an’ fumes, but is all the same as a grog binge down at the Wench-- ev’ry single time ye’ll wake up feelin’ like shite an’ prayin fer death. ye can get mighty high on’a pain an’ pleasure cycle like that, aye, but ‘ventually the pain wins out.”

beauty or brains: they correlate

“me baby’s got both, so it ain’t like i gotta choose. ‘m a spoiled bastard, i know.”

dogs or cats: both

“cute buggers aren’t they, the both ov’ em. been at the mercy ov’ the teeth ov’ ‘em both too-- from coeurls ‘ta imperial trained bloodhounds. still, can’t rightly hate the animal fer instincts an’ trainin’, all jus’ tryin ‘ta survive.”

.LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

lie: naturally. but also poorly

“ain’ ‘xactly me strongest suit, fair, but ‘ll bullshit me way ‘round somethin’ if i gotta.”

believe in yourself: of course-- sincerity is a non-factor

“fake it ‘til ye make it, mate. call it cheesy writin’ on the wall ‘er what’ver ye like, shit does the job. no one gives a shit how ye feel ‘bout yerself-- jus’ fuckin’ tell yerself that ye got this an’ go. don’ look back.”

believe in love: he’s in it

“kinda hard ‘ta refute somethin’ ‘m experiencin’, y’know.”

want someone: every second of every day

“jus’ ‘cause ye already have it don’ mean that ye stop wantin it. aye, if anythin’ jus’ want ‘em even moreso. constantly, shit never stops. it’s fuckin’ heaven, lemme tell ye.”

.LAYER SIX: EVER?

been on stage: not professionally

“nothin’ like singin’ er dancin’, less ye count bar tables as impromptu stages.”

done drugs: not always consensually. but a moko edible every now and again isn’t such a crime.

“relax, ain’ like i make a habit ov’ it. special occasion, really. don’ fancy bein’ out ov’ it ‘ta of’en.”

changed who you were to fit in: naturally

“ye gotta if ye wanna survive beyond yer own comforts, mate-- that is if yer lucky ‘ta be born inta’ such ‘ta begin with. look, is called adaptin’, an’ if ye haven’ noticed we miqo’te are pree’ fuckin’ good at it. not even mentionin’ tryna fit in at home-- when i left it was change ‘er die; changed when i started learnin’ the common eorzean tongue, changed when i started dressin’ different, when i started learnin’ how ‘ta act, walk an’ talk so as ‘ta survive, hold me own. y’see it all the godsdamn time-- lookit every miqo’te who changed their name once they started livin’ in one ov’ the big cities, aye, not all ov’ ‘em do, but ‘nuff do ‘fer us ‘ta notice.

it’s adaption. it’s survival. hide parts ov’ yerself ‘ta preserve the greater whole. ain’t sayin’ it’s a nice thing tha’ we gotta do it-- but, aye, survival rarely is ev’r nice.

... if yer lucky though, if ye live long ‘nuff, ye can start reclaimin’ them hidden parts ov’ yerself back, aye, s���process.”

.LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

favorite color: black

“were ye expectin’ anythin’ else? ain’t gonna say no ‘ta gold either-- ‘specially of the rosey sort. they jus’ go ta’gether so well, y’know.”

favorite animal: jaguars, of course

“biased? me? ‘course not.”

favorite food: seafood in general, rustic homecooked meals, spicy food, way too sweet cream-filled coffee, nostalgic preference for almonds, coconuts, and fruit based desserts

“ye ev’r have those lil’ balls of cod deep fried in batter? could get meself sick on those buggers. too damn good. ‘specially if ye add a generous ‘mount ov’ dragon pepper ‘ta the fish ‘fore hand. ‘course if it’s good, fresh catch then ye can’t go wrong with simplicity neither, crab meat straight from the leg with no bells an’ whistles issa snack fit fer the finest.”

favorite game: card games, puzzles, anything that can spur fun competition, whether it be from hunting, to racing, to a snowball fight, isn’t adverse to the cheap thrill of betting on a race chocobo every now and again

“anythin’ can be good, fun competition if yer willin’ an’ rarin’, nothin’ like a lil’ friendly fire under yer arse ‘ta get the legs movin’ an’ cogs whirrin’.”

.LAYER EIGHT: AGE

day your next birthday will be: 28th day of the first umbral moon

“would be pree’ wild if me nameday wasn’ on.... me nameday.”

how old will you be: 29

“ugh, c’mon, i’m tryin’ not ‘ta think ‘bout it. knock it off.”

age you lost your virginity: between the ages of 19 and 21, he does not specify

“whas’ it matter? past is the past. leave it alone.”

does age matter: to an extent

“i ain’ no damn preacher, but it’s pree’ godsdamned obvious when someone is exertin’ power ov’r another. s’reason there be words like kid an’ adult. don’ fuckin’ be that person.”

.LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

best personality: bullheaded, smart, witty, compassionate, strong-hearted and strong-willed, brave, stubborn, impatient, and rather tactless

“maybe toss in a damn fine arse an’ voice like’a songbird-- wait, those ain’t personality traits?”

best eye color: rose gold

“bonus points if they gotta nice, natural glow ‘ta’em.”

best hair color: a warm rose peach with a streak of pale blonde

“what? ‘m a guy who jus’ knows what he likes. an’ i like what i like, cuff me if issa crime.”

best thing to do with a partner: exist with them in the entirety of life’s capacity

“call me fuckin’ sentimental, but learnin’ ‘ta fuckin’ live, really godsdamn live, with ‘em rath’r than jus’ survive... can’t fuckin’ be beat, jus’ can’t. shit’s golden, can’t wait ‘ta do it ev’ry single day on this star ‘til me times’ up.”

.LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

i love: “me husband.”

i feel: “pree’ chuffed, might go fer a nap.”

i hide: “poorly. mean have ye seen me, mate? ain’t easy hidin’ when yer this big. less’ maybe was in a house built with roes in mind.”

i miss: “me ma. aye, still lot’sa things that make me miss home, wouldn’ change where i am now fer the world, mind.”

i wish: “... fish. er, sorry, mind blanked there. they rhyme. been at sea fer the past few days now.”

tagged by: @ffxiv-sunderedsouls​ tagging: this is a stupidly late response so not sure how alive this particular meme is still but, here’s the deal; you wanna do this? do it and tag me THAT WAY i’ll know in the future to tag you in other things, good deal, right? right?!

[datawyrms]

That’s Robophobic!

Is K1-B0 really too sensitive about being a robot, a far too long rambling thing digging through every bit of dialogue he has.

short answer: no. long answer: HOLD ON FOLKS I’N SERIOUS ABOUT EVERY BIT OF TEXT as i’m bored and i’m going to spit ideas about my Favourite good robot at you all day. It’s entire prologue and first chapter I am serious this thing is huge and way too many words.  Also spoilers everywhere so uh. Don’t...look at this if you haven’t finished V3ok.

Prologue 

Keebo doesn’t talk or do anything in this bit! He’s just there. Up front for the splash and then hiding in the back afterwards. Officially according to the art book he is in fact a robot at this point in time as well. He’s just covered up and apparently doesn’t have to have those lines on his face or the ear-analogues he’s got most of the game. The More You Know. (not that this should stop anyone from havin fun in fan work. do what makes you happy!) I mostly point it out as Being A Robot is a massive part of Keebo’s character, so the fact he’s always one isn’t really that surprising. We’ll get into that more when he actually...has lines... oh and the mild theory of Monodam basically being Keebo’s Bear Equivalent, they have similar plot beats/character progression though the Monokubs are shaky in general so :v MOVING ON

Ultimate Revival

aka we meet Keebo and Kokichi ‘properly’ for the first time. The pair should generally be the 6/7th students protag bumps into. (me replaying and going ‘lol Tsumugi makes herself the first not Shuichi person Kaede should canonically meet by the placements’) Get used to Kokichi, a massive amount of Keebo’s dialogue is with, in response of, or directed at him, and this introduction is a testament to that. You meet them mid interaction!

Kokichi- Heeey! Wait for meee!

That boy in white is chasing that other boy in the funny clothes... What's happening here?   

Great opening robot. You spend most of the time lonely but the first we see of you is running away from someone. (It’s an interesting difference to how he reacts to Kaede/Shuichi in their first FTEs.) That, and apparently Kaede doesn’t peg Keebo as a robot here. Shuichi says he’s ‘chasing somebody’, so he might have noticed.

Kokichi: C’mooon! Wait up! Lemme touch your body a little! I've always wanted to be friends with a robot! Kaede: What? A robot!? K1-B0: ...What is it? Are you another robophobe?  I have a recording function. If you make any robophobic remarks, I will see you in court. 

keebs you don’t have the money to take anything to court but we’ll let you keep that delusion ok. and you’re probably legally counted as property In fairness, the robot lad is not making the best first impression! Kokichi is kinda childish by just assuming he should get to touch the robot, but he is genuinely interested at this point. It’s easy to read this as Keebo being too touchy. He’s sensitive about that being a robot is the ONLY thing you care about. So Kokichi wanting to be friends with a robot and being grabby...well there he goes getting defensive. (and it turns out he probably has reasons to not like grabby hands. kaede)

Kaede:  Wait...you're a robot!? Are you, for reals, a robot!?  Shuichi:  A-Are you...one of the Monokubs—   K1-B0:  Do not compare me to those toys! I am not just any old robot! 

Keebo is completely justified here, visually he isn’t even close to a Monokub or an Exisal, and lacks a split two tone theme. Would you want to be compared to a Monokub? No. No you would not. He’s also showing at bit of that pride here, calling them ‘toys’, though they do seem as capable as thinking as he is. (keebo is also a robophobe oh no.)

Oh look it’s the reason you have SO MANY NAMES. Some people prefer the ‘Kiibo’ shortening, but all the screenshots are going to say Keebo so we’re gonna be consistent. We are never going to see another character refer to him as K1-B0, but everything interface wise will call him this. We might not think you’re a person, but we’ll use your preferred name no problem. probably because k1-b0 is a mouthful

Kaede:  A robot and...supreme leader? Neither of them make any sense. Kokichi: By the way, I learned the hard way that a robot's breath smells like gasoline. K1-B0: My breath does not smell like gasoline! I am powered by electricity! Kokichi: Nee—heehee...I'm just kidding. K1-B0: ...You're not funny. Kokichi:   Of course you don't think I'm funny. Robots can't understand human humor to begin with! K1-B0:  D-Don't mock me! I have studied the complete history of stand-up comedy! 

Things we learn: These two are weird. That, and Keebo is kind of terrible at interacting with people. He takes the lie/joke at face value, hesitates when corrected that it is a joke (But doesn’t go saying ROBOPHOBIA this time). and each time he’s responding he’s trying to prove something. The little stammer seems like Keebo knows he’s bad at it but darn it he’s going to tell you about the things he can do. Like study stand-up comedy. (Poorly)

Kaede: I think you should've just watched stand-up comedy instead of studying it...   K1-B0: Plus, I may have the appearance of a robot, but I am a high school student just like you Shuichi: You're a high school student? K1-B0: I was created by Professor Idabashi, the leading authority in the field of robotics...  He installed in me a "strong AI," capable of learning and maturing like a human brain. That's why, at the time of my creation, I didn't know anything. I was like a baby...  But the professor raised me like I was his own child. He taught me so many things... Until finally, he enrolled me in high school. And now I stand here before you all! See? I’m just like everyone else! Kokichi: Hey, do robots have dicks? K1-B0: Please do not ask ridiculous questions! Kokichi: Nee-heehee... I only asked because your backstory is pretty flaccid for a robot. Kaede: Well, I can see how being a robot might be enough to be called the Ultimate Robot...

Keebs loves talking about himself, this like the longest intro block of text. Then the justification to why Keebo is Pretty Garbage at fitting in! He speaks rather formally and uses contractions less often than he could and spends a lot of time clarifying things you could probably assume. His entire life up to this point he’s basically been home schooled by a leading robotics expert from scratch, and we don’t even know for how long. He doesn’t mention any other people, and even via FTEs and Salmon mode he never refers to having any other close relations or friends. (This isn’t uncommon for most of the cast there isn’t a ton of FTE time to bring up things that don’t matter, but they’ll usually MENTION other people/activities that you could reasonably assume would involve others.)  He says he was raised ‘like his own child’ but Keebo might have zero actual context to what a family relationship looks like! Kaede’s mental crack nudges at this, maybe our robot friend ‘knows’ what something is, but has he actually experienced it? Is he just assuming his experience is ‘close enough’ to whatever he was taught? We don’t know! For all we know Keebo has only been operational for like three years. He’s incredibly aware he’s a robot, he doesn’t use words like born and always clarifies he was like a baby or a child, but not literally so. So constantly being reminded like he doesn’t already know that might be annoying for him. Really he’s asking for respect and to be treated like an equal...but he’s expressing it by saying he’s the same as everyone.  Also: We’re just meeting him and we’ve already got two people going ‘this is a disappointing robot’. Kaede doesn’t even think he’s much of an Ultimate right now, and we all know Kokichi’s thoughts :v This trend will continue.

Kaede: Hey... Everything he's said so far has sounded like a lie, so that's gotta be a lie too, right? K1-B0: Just leave him alone. Everything he has been saying has been a lie. ...He's a far more suspicious person than I am, that's for sure. Kokichi: Well, of course you're not a suspicious person, because robots aren't people, silly. K1-B0: Grgh...! Kokichi: Oh, you mad? Are you gonna hit me with a rocket punch? K1-B0: I don't have that function! Kokichi: Aw maaan, you’re boring.

Keebo will use ‘person’ to describe himself! Never human. It’s likely the main conflict he’s having is having a different definition for ‘personhood’ than most of his fellow classmates. If you’re into marine life, you might know about how dolphins and whales seem intelligent enough that considering them ‘non human persons’ was/is bandied about sometimes, and the whole issue with that is well, we’re humans. Everything we judge is going to related to the human experience. (National Geographic had a neat article on the topic in 2015 I think?) Keebo is not coming from that experience. He knows he can think and feel like all the others, so of course if he needs a word, it’s ‘person’. Note how he doesn’t actually argue back when Kokichi says he isn’t one. They’re both ‘right’ in a sense, even if Keebo clearly doesn’t like it.

K1-B0:  I may have the appearance of a robot, but I am a high school student just like you. From one high school student to another, I hope we can all get along! Kokichi: Who creates a robot without a rocket punch? Why do you even exist?

Yes, even in post conversation dialogue Kokichi comes along for the ride. Here Keebo goes trying to use ‘high school student’ as a describer instead of person since he is undeniably a student. The fact he flips from being proud of what he is to downplaying the fact he’s a robot is pretty interesting and the first look at the difficulty he’s going to be having. Fitting in=Respect.  While Kokichi is digging for more info, but Keebo doesn’t elaborate or react to the repeated rocket punch reference :v Shuichi and Kaede only comment on Kokichi in the post dialogue, so nothing to add from them.

Then we get to the gym. Kaede chastises Himiko for being lazy and then Keebo decides to add his thoughts. With an apology. This boy can’t decide if he has all the confidence or none of it.

K1-B0: Pardon me, but...we need to be on our guard. We do not know if and when danger will strike. Kokichi: D-don’t say that... I’m so scared... I don’t know what to do... Angie: There is no need to worry. Atua will protect us. Kokichi: Phew! That’s a relief!

oh look a Keebo line immediately followed by a Kokichi one i wonder if this will be a trend. Kokichi points out that Keebo phrased ‘uh we might be in danger’ rather poorly with his little emotion flip flop. We know that Keebo means it in the best way possible, he wants the best for everyone, but it’s unnecessary. Yes, nothing has happened, but they all know they’ve been kidnapped by weird colourful bears. Are you restating for the audience at home Keebs? (...he could be. Inner voice is a fun can of worms. we’ll get to that.) He doesn’t speak again until the killing game is announced.

Tenko: W—Wait a second. What did you say? K1-B0: I-If I heard him correctly— Monodam: KILLING-GAME

There he goes taking someone completely literally. Then not even getting to finish his sentence because Monodam cuts him off. The Monokubs do their jabroni throwdown thing annnnd Tsumugi: In a situation like this, is he just going to watch!? K1-B0: Either way, it's too dangerous! We need to get out of here or else—  Monokuma: Now, now, now... Kaede: What? Monokuma: My cute little cubs... You gotta knock off this awful fighting...

Cutting off other robots is apparently a family trait, because Monokuma does it here too! The fact Keebo is instantly suggesting running also shows he’s not really the aggressive sort. When you see his profile image in the Monopad you might think he’d be a scary sort of fighter bot. Buuuutnope. The Monobear gang do their chattering/properly introduce Monokuma

Maki: Headmaster? K1-B0: It appears to be some sort of autonomous robot with a built-in A.l., like me... Monotaro: Dong dong dong! The Exisals are different, though! They're brainless buckets of bolts!

He does recognize Monokuma/kubs as similar to himself here instead of continuing on with the current question of ‘how is this thing a headmaster of anything’. Keebo would probably be the expert on this, but no one asked. Time and place for information is also something Keebo is terrible at :v Monokuma: It's just...when I said it before, I kinda just phoned it in and now I feel awkward... I want you students with your Ultimate-level talents to participate in a killing game. Kaede: K-Killing game? Us? K1-B0: Please stop joking! Why would we agree to participate in a killing game!? Monokuma: Huh? You guys don't wanna do it?  

‘Maybe he’s joking like Kokichi was earlier!’ Sorry robot friend, Monokuma is not joking. Keebs cares about death, even if reasonably he could be as ‘replaceable’ as Monokuma (Though we sort of know he isn’t based on Tsumugi’s mentioning that she’s glad he ‘made it to the end’.)  Keebo doesn’t comment again after this

He is the second to show up after Kaede in the into though! Considering he is a ‘protagonist’ (for the ‘real world’) that’s not too surprising, while Shuichi is hiding in the 5th spot, after Rantaro.

Chapter 1

ohboy here we go. With the entire cast alive, Keebs is very much a background character. What’s his first line as everyone is learning the rules of the killing game?

Tsumugi: But...we looked all over that wall and there wasn't a single hole. K1-B0:  Now wait just a second. If there's no opening in the wall... Then how did we get inside these walls in the first place? Tsumugi:  ...Oh, good point.

Correcting Tsumugi. No horrified reactions or anything, but oh That Isn’t Logical I Will Correct You. Especially in group settings, Keebo generally sticks to factual statements, unless he’s being goaded. Once again, he has nothing else to say after this! But before you have Gonta open the manhole cover, Keebo shows up in Kokichi’s dialogue if you talk to him.  aka this is optional content.

Kokichi: Whoa, look at all these weeds. This place could definitely use a groundskeeper. Right, Kee—boy!? K1-B0: Why are you telling me that? Furthermore... I would prefer you address me as "Keebo." Kokichi: But you can pull weeds. Right, Kee-boy? K1-B0:  I can do all sorts of things just as well as any person! Kokichi: As well as any person...? But...you're not a person. K1-B0: Th-That's discrimination... Robophobic discrimination...

I don’t have anything to say, time to hassle the robot is a pretty common tactic for Kokichi. He’s also the only one to nickname Keebo a second time. No one else will be calling him Keeboy. It’s curious how he pulls Keebo into this conversation, and how Keebo doesn’t really seem to know how to react to it and just tries to correct Kokichi about his name. We can add our second example of him actually going ‘robophobia’ to the list though :v He seems a bit offended that he’s being underestimated/having the suggestion floated that he can only pull weeds and basically does a low key brag about his abilities ‘all sorts of things’. In fairness, ‘as well as any person’ isn’t exactly a useful metric for ability. People vary a lot! Again he doesn’t deny that he ‘isn’t a person’, by going ‘robophobia’ he’s practically agreeing. If you talk to Keebo directly...

K1-B0: ...There is a monitor here, too. That aside, this is a rather remote location to install a communication device... K1-B0: ...lt's a pointless expenditure, wouldn't you agree?

He’s making observations about the area alone and trying to be useful by posing a question. That, and getting someone to agree with you is a decent tactic to becoming more friendly, and it’s a pretty easy thing to agree with... He’s not actually being useful, since we have no reason to care why Monokuma would make pointless expenditures, but he’s trying. This is also the most dialogue any single person has (Kurumi gets close, but only has one textbox to Keebo’s two.) Time to lift a manhole cover aaaannnnd

Angie: Awwww, this manhole cover looks heavy. Can we even lift it? K1-B0:  I can try. Keebo placed his hands on the manhole cover, and with all his strength he—Grgh...! Grrrrrrrrrrrrgh...! How embarrassing. It won't even budge. Angie:  Huhhh? A robot's not even strong enough to move it? K1-B0: Oh, don't worry. My physical strength is approximate to that of a strong senior citizen. Miu: Th-That's fuckin' pathetic! K1-B0: Th-The professor did not want a repeat of the tragedy that occurred during trial production. Tsumugi: Umm... Now I'm just plain curious about what happened during that trial...

Yes, the first time Miu ever interacts with Keebo, she calls him pathetic. :v His want to help overroad the common sense that he probably wouldn’t be able to lift it at all. It is also possible Kokichi’s comments made him want ho show he can do things. Even though he literally can’t do this. Tsumugi was very much me at this moment, going ‘wait explain that please’ but no one else really cares so he won’t be clarifying. The fact he just goes there was a tragedy in trial production and no one bats an eye is low key hilarious to me. He’s just so matter of fact about it. Gonta then makes the cover look like a paper plate.

Kokichi: But Gonta is sooo much more reliable than some bean—counting robot. K1-B0:  Are you...talking about me? Because I can count many things, not just beans.

His objection is that he can count lots of stuff. Not that he’s a bean-counting robot, or less useful than Gonta. Keebo is adorable, okay. Keebo doesn’t speak again after this, meaning we’re back in optional dialogue time! This is right outside the death road of despair.

Miu: You're too weak, Keebo! Lemme remodel you and I'll make you the strongest robot ever! First, I'll soup up your crotch plate by installin' a nice, thick one, just how I like it! Hah-hahaha!

Miu is Miu. Keebo doesn’t respond to this! It is fun to see Miu’s already excited that there’s a robot around that isn’t evil to tinker with, but we don’t know how he feels about it for the moment. Her lab isn’t even open yet and she STILL is talking about remodling new robot pal :v (and yes i am putting down dialogue that relates to Keebo even if he doesn’t react/isn’t present for it. Knowing what the other characters think of him is important too.)

K1-B0: ...It's quite dusty in here. Prolonged exposure to this polluted air may be detrimental to one's health. Angie: Whaaat? Polluted air bothers you? But you don't even breathe air, right? K1-B0: W—Well, that is... While it's true that I do not breathe, I also do not like polluted air any more than you do. Kokichi: I see, you have a function for sensing poisonous gases! Well then, lead the way! K1-B0: N—No! I don't have that function! Do I look like a canary to you? Kokichi: Whaaat, you don't? Then you're even more useless than a canary! K1-B0: Grgh...

oh did you think he’d have a conversation without Kokichi. WRONG. Poor Keebo is already a bit flustered by being called out as different again when he was mostly just making an observation like he did upstairs. The whole not breathing thing is a pretty big difference and he’s instantly going I STILL DON’T LIKE IT, even though originally he might have just meant everyone’s health in general. Being able to sense poison gasses would probably be a helpful skill, and it’s a reasonable deduction...buuuut since he doesn’t have that it just gets to be an easy jab at him instead. The fact Keebo instantly goes for the canary comparison when as a robot he could be reasonably expected to not die because of the gasses is a bit odd, but sets him up wonderfully for a roast :v Keebo is one of the few that gets to ‘...’ at the death road failure, but doesn’t comment again until everyone is rallying themselves for another shot.

Tenko: My body is ready! You can tell by how outta control my pit sweat is! Kaede: E—Everyone! K1-B0: Isn’t it premature to say what we’ll do after we escape? Assumptions are all but useless. Kokichi: Geez, you're clueless... Why am I not surprised that a robot can't read the air? K1-B0: Robots can read the air! Thanks to innovations in pollutant-detecting technology, I— Kaito: Anyway, it doesn’t matter if Monokuma says it’s impossible! We’ll show him what we can do!

Kaito has joined the ‘people who cut off Keebo mid sentence’ club. Keebo is TERRIBLE at interacting. The question is probably genuine, logically they’re thinking too far ahead but like he’s told...now is not the time to be throwing reality in people’s faces Keebs. Or for desperately trying to prove yourself as able to read the air by completely misunderstanding what Kokichi is saying. he’s such a little disaster. i adore this silly robot. Once Kokichi calls Kaede out for ‘torturing’ everyone, K1-B0: Given the circumstance...the most logical course of action would be to give up...

No mentions of how he’s feeling. Just logic and trying to relate it to facts. I assume he expects feelings to be ignored so he sticks to facts for that reason...but that’s just my reading. He does it again when Rantaro speaks up.

Rantaro: Hey, guys? Just...as a warning...We shouldn’t let our guards down. We’ll be easy targets at night. Gonta: C-Cuz of killing game, you mean? K1-B0: I see no need to worry about something as illogical as murder taking place here. Rantaro: I know, I know. Just a warning.

Even though he says there’s no need to worry, he’s absolutely sporting a worried sprite. Yet he goes for saying it’s illogical for murder to be taking place. He can’t see any way doing such a thing would be justified at the moment, and you can see Keebo is a bit of a stickler for things ‘making logical sense’. When he’s not just taking the advice of a voice in his head anyway. We don’t hear from him again until the next morning in the dining hall.

Korekiyo: Now...all of us have arrived.  Kehehe...I'm glad. It looks as though there were no victims. K1-B0: But of course! Kokichi: By the way...are you okay, Kaede? Kaede: Huh? What do you mean? Kokichi: Well...you looked pretty bummed out after everyone started blaming you yesterday. Tsumugi: H-Hey... What are you doing all of— Kokichi: Seriously, you guys are so mean. Poor girl... She tried her best to encourage everyone, and you sore losers got mad at her anyway. K1-B0: What's the point of bringing that up again? Tenko: Actually...didn’t *you* blame Kaede first?

Oh look, Keebo’s being positive. Since everyone lived and he can confidently say that now. He’s also showing that Understanding Kokichi For Dummies was not in his hard drive, but he is trying to figure him out a little. Why did you bring it up? They don’t know, because Tenko gives him an easy out here. Not that he was likely going to answer anyway, but hey! A direct question! Which he follows up on after the rest of the class squabbles about it here..

Kokichi: Phew, cool beans! Now everything’s settled! K1-B0: ...But you did blame her first, didn't you? Kokichi: Well, that was a lie. Y'know, one of those lies to make us more united or whatever. Did you know half my lies are actually told with good intentions? Himiko: Now *that* sounds like a lie.

Kokichi actually answers! Genuinely, no less, even though he’s already got his lying reputation by this point. Kokichi is surprisingly up front with Keebo a decent chunk of the time, even if most of the time it’s just His Opinion On The Robot. Maybe he knows no one’s gonna take anything he says to Keebo very seriously now that he’s laid out the constant mockery groundwork. and then monokuma shows up

Maki: ...Motivation to kill? Monokuma: In short, a motive! That oughta add some mystery to the proceedings! Even if a killer is exposed, they could whip up a sob story to deceive everyone! K1-B0: Wh-What are you saying? Your logic is impossible to understand...! Monokuma: I will now announce the first motive! Make sure  you record this moment for prosperity! Now then, the special motive I’ve prepared is called the First Blood Perk!  Wow! For the first murder that occurs, no class trial will be held! Can you believe it? That means the first one to kill someone will get to graduate, no strings attached! Maki: No class trial will be held? Monokuma: I'm sorry that I made the class trial seem more important than it really is... So for the first murder, I've decided not to hold a class trial at all. Please just relax, calm down and kill! After all, the first one’s free! Miu: Huh? That's all!? We just gotta kill someone to get outta here!? K1-B0: "That's all"!? What's that supposed to mean!? Please just calm down! Tenko: First Blood Perk!? Don't make it sound like some kind of game show bonus!

Keebo is super anti-murder, though it’s sort of funny how his plea to Miu is very close to Monkuma’s own wording to ‘just calm down’. He doesn’t understand why you’d want to kill someone or make someone kill another, and seems genuinely surprised someone would do it based on how he reacts to Miu here. Leaving is not a justifiable reason to murder for Keebo, and we get that fact pretty fast. Then he just watches until Kaito gets himself in trouble by threatening Monokuma.

Monosuke: Youse bastards better pay attention! This is what happens when you mess with us! Kaito: Wh...what? What are you guys planning to do? K1-B0: P-Please, don't! Kaede: Run, Kaito!

More pleading to reconsider, because watching people die is Not Fun. Asking the Monokubs to not do something over encouraging Kaito is a bit notable though, no one really tries to reason with them. Keebo might not like them, or like being compared to them, but still seems to think they might be able to be reasoned with. They are AIs like him after all...and he doesn’t remark on anything after Monotaro messes up and crushes Monokuma either. I wonder if watching Monokuma die bothered him at all. (I think it might have, on the walk to the library Shuichi takes Kaede on, Keebo is one of the few characters that isn’t around to talk to.) You don’t see him again until the next morning where he’s hanging out near the main entrance.

K1-B0: Good morning, Kaede. Kaede: Morning, Keebo. K1-B0: Everyone appears to have gathered at the dining hall again. Kaede: Yup, looks like it. K1-B0: I'm thinking about heading over there as well, but... ... Kaede: But? K1-B0: Oh, nothing. I was just wondering...when someone is going to come rescue us. It's been almost a full day since Monokuma was dispatched, but our situation hasn't changed. I'm just speculating, but what if... ...only Monokuma knew about this place? What if this location is not on any map? What if...no one is coming to rescue us? Kaede: Huh? K1-B0: Maybe...we'll just be forgotten, and no one will ever find us again... Kaede: D-Don’t say that! Besides, we should be trying to escape, not waiting for someone to rescue us! K1-B0: Y-Yes...I apologize. I was overthinking things. It would be impossible to discreetly construct a facility such as this in the first place. Plus, if the professor knew I was missing, he would not rest until he found me. With his technology, he would rescue us! No matter where on earth this place is! Kaede: Yeah... K1-B0: On the other hand...it *has* only been one day. As much as we'd love to go home right now, we must wait in a calm, dignified manner! (you need to talk to him a second time to get this line)   

This poor boy has thought himself into a tizzy and is looking to Kaede for some of that positive thinking that he’s not super great at. He goes from ‘good morning’ to ‘oh it’s nothing but I’m worried we’ll never be found :v’ in two seconds flat. Keebo DOESN’T SLEEP. He’s probably been overthinking all night! He has no trouble finding reasons to not worry once Kaede shakes him out of it, and once again shows us he thinks a great deal about the professor who made him. Look at him going all ‘we must wait calmly’ like it wasn’t just him having a miniature breakdown there. Keebs is fond of ‘we’. Not a shock, since Fitting In and being part of the group is kinda big deal for him. At breakfast he’s taken the whole ‘don’t worry’ thing to heart.

Gonta: But...when someone coming to get us? K1-B0: Whoever does...I assume they will come today. There's no need to worry. Rantaro: ...

he’s probably a bit over positive in thinking they’ll be rescued in a single day after Monokuma’s demise though. Logically they’re going to be saved, therefore it should be quick. Keebo kinda runs down bad logic paths like this to extremes instead of staying a middle ground. there’s levels between we’re all gonna be stuck forever and rescue today keebo.

Monokuma: After dying in a tragic car accident, I've been reborn as a Yo-Kai! Call me Jibakuma, kuma! K1-B0: Jibakuma...? Monokuma: From now on, I'm the headmaster of the Ultimate Academy, kuma! You might feel uncomfortable at first, but eventually you'll get used to it. 

Keebo’s the only one to even sort of play along. Considering he has everyone call him something other that his name, I can see him continuing to use ‘Jibakuma’ if Monokuma had kept up the bit for more than ten seconds :v audience stand in keebs always on standby if a bit is falling flat for the other participants. Next motive gets given, Kubs do their shitk with the one of a kind thing and Kaede: Of course! We never left! K1-B0: Why are you doing this!? How much suffering do you want to put us through!? Monokuma: I see... Well, if you're suffering, you all better hurry up and start the killing game. Puhuhu... then you can say bye-bye to the suffering.

monokuma is directly answering the audience at this point I swear. Keebs does do a decent amount of the ‘obvious protag questions’...it is kinda his job. It’s interesting in hindsight. Bears leave, panic happens.

Kaito: W-We can’t panic about something like this. I’ll...do something about it. K1-B0: ...Did you have a course of action in mind? Kaito: I'm...gonna start thinking of one right now!

Kaito is so salty about Keebo pointing out he has no actual plan that he doesn’t invite him to the ‘fight Monokuma’ meeting on the final day. (or doesn’t trust a robot/think he’d help after the manhole debacle.) Keebs, once again bringing down the mood with reality/ genuine questions he doesn’t think through very well. (And honestly Kaito’s whole believing in people thing is inherently illogical, so they don’t really see eye to eye...) They then discuss fighting back.

Ryoma: You're going to go against those machines barehanded? Isn't that too reckless? Tenko: B-But...we have to do it! If we don't, we'll die! K1-B0: Wait! We still have plenty of time to calculate all possible options— Korekiyo: We’ve no time to be indecisive. We are being urged to make a decision... To die fighting... Or die from the time limit.

That’s four members of the cut Keebo off club. :v Keebo might react in the moment, but when it comes to making a plan? Yeah he’d rather take the time to think over everything, but apparently that’s not an option here so he gets trampled over.

Kaede: Miu! You better not do anything shady, okay!? K1-B0: There is no need to worry, is there? No one is going to...kill anyone, right? Himiko: If someone is going to kill, they should just go for the robot. K1-B0: That's even worse!

It really isn’t Keebo’s day. Korekiyo goes right into talking about ‘why does everyone think killing is wrong’ here, no one goes ‘hey maybe don’t threaten the robot’. Poor guy hesitates to even say kill and then gets told he should die first and no one stands up for him. being keebo is suffering. People start leaving and Rantaro starts being Mysterious

Kaede: Ultimate Hunt? What is that...? I've never heard of it. K1-B0: What about it?  Rantaro: ...Nothing, forget it.

Curious robot is curious. That and is doing the whole protag thing again by following on weird unanswered questions, not that it goes anywhere this time. When you talk to him after Rantaro leaves, he’s still thinking about it.

K1-B0: That Ultimate Hunt Rantaro mentioned...what do you suppose it is? ...Any theories, Kaede? Kaede: I don't know... It's the first time I've heard of it... K1-B0: It sounds so...violent. It sounds like it involves us somehow...No, disregard that. Nobody has any clue what it could mean, so it is illogical to continue thinking about it. Our more pressing concern...is the current predicament we find ourselves in. Kaede: Yeah, you're right... K1-B0: We have until nighttime, two days from now... What should we do until then? (once again you need to talk to him a second time for this line.)

He’s pretty much on the right track, but dismisses it before he can drop into that overthinking spiral he was doing earlier in the day, and decides to refocus on the current problem, probably trying to be helpful again. Yet again, reason why is ‘it’s illogical’ to keep worrying about it. Of course, he doesn’t actually have any ideas here. Logic can only take you so far Keebs. He has nothing else to contribute until Free Time. If you chat to him in the first time slot...

K1-B0: A killing game... Why are we being forced to do such a thing? I cannot believe we're being subjected to this purely for the entertainment value!

Keebo has apparently found the script and read chapter six. oknotreally, he’s clearly basing this off the fact it’s called a game and Monokuma basically answered his ‘why are you doing this’ with ‘lolcuzican’, and can’t accept this as a valid reason. Yet he’s not gonna get another one! In time slot two he’s hanging out at the gym

K1-B0: I'm tired of everyone's prejudices! Yes, I'm a robot. But I'm also a high school student like everyone else, you know!?

Himiko literally said kill him first, I think he’s allowed to be a bit miffed about being treated differently. He’s still not arguing that he’s not different, but wants to be treated the same way the others are in ways they can be. sadly for Keebs he is this game’s easy target and he will not be getting a break ever and he needs a hug. Instead we’re going to make a mockery of him again when Shuichi recruits Kaede for operation ‘Get Miu to Make Stuff For Us’ as go near the Casino area.

Kaede: Morning Keebo. K1-B0: Ah, good morning. Your timing is impeccable. I have something I wish to ask you both. Shuichi: Huh? What is it, Keebo? K1-B0: What are your thoughts on this door? No matter how hard I try, it will not open... Kaede: Um, well...it doesn't seem like an exit... K1-B0: What do you think is on the other side of this wall? Kokichi: Why don’t you fly over and see for yourself? K1-B0: Whoa—!? Shuichi: K-Kokichi!? Kokichi: C’mon! I wanna see you fly! Robots have jet packs or whatever under their feet, right? K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Whaaat? You...don’t...? K1-B0: ...No, I don't. Kokichi: ...Have a dick? K1-B0: Wh-What are you talking about!? Kokichi: Oh yeah! If you had a jet pack... then you could've flown over the wall and called for help! K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Geeeez! You're just a huge disappointment, Keebo! K1-B0: ... Kaede: K-Keebo? K1-B0: ...I’m fine. Please just let it be. I...don't like sci-fi functions like flight. Kaede: But aren't you already pretty sci-fi? K1-B0: ... Kaede: Um...it might be better to leave them alone... 

Oh look a big semi important conversation. Keebo’s just asking questions again, he seems to put a lot of importance on what other people think over what he personally does. (he listens to a voice in his head that he knows isn’t himself. listening to other people first is probably preprogramed into him so he’s more malleable >> You can also take it as having a lot of doubts about himself.) Of course, neither Kaede or Shuichi can have any more idea than he does about the wall and what’s beyond it, but he’s asking anyway! Then Kokichi shows up and completely redirects the conversation to Keebo’s abilities again. And robot just can’t follow this! He knows he’s going to disappoint Kokichi ability wise again and clams up instead of stating yes or no clearly here, it takes a second nudge to get an answer. Honestly it reads like he feels bad that the reason he can’t fly is because of something he personally doesn’t like, so he’s unable to help again. He just assures Kaede he’s fine and then clams up again. He’s probably not fine! Like Kaede thinks, Keebo is..pretty sci-fi on his own, but he’s not elaborating on why he doesn’t like that sort of thing. It makes him stand out too much, it makes him less ‘like everyone else’ is probably a safe bet though. And all of this is completely missable dialogue :v In free time slot three he’s in the B classroom alone.

K1-B0: ...Tsumugi just asked me if I can perform a "rocket punch." Why does everyone automatically assume that robots have a rocket punch function!? I don't have a violent function like that! 

it’s a common robot trope, but keebo doesn’t know this, apparently. But hey, bonus reafirrming that Keebo would consider rocket punching violent, and probably doesn’t have any other similar features. Nor does he want any. (For now.) In time slot 4, the final one...

K1-B0: ...At this rate, the time limit will expire before we know it. We must take action somehow... 

He’s worried again! That, and still using ‘we’. Killing someone and only looking out for himself isn’t an option here. He does have good reason to be worried though, if you swing on by to talk to Himiko at this time... Himiko: The time limit is tomorrow night... Maybe...we should kill the robot? Kaede: That's just a joke...right? 

seriously himiko you’re a jerk. I get it, you’re magic and he’s all science and wouldn’t buy a magic trick for a second but you have seen him around for a few days now and are just calling him ‘the robot’ and saying someone should kill him!  For the second time! At least he’s not in the room this time but come on! Himiko clearly has a division between human life and Keebo’s life, and she’s going to stay that way, Which, fair enough, a human can value human life over other forms of life (and guess what we usually do) but...he’s literally sitting and talking with you guys and in the exact same boat. He’s closer to human than a lot of things... After this free time we don’t see him at all until it’s corpse time. So I’ll throw down his Kaede FTEs now. With all the options. As I’m nuts.

K1-B0: If you have come to talk to me...that can only mean you are interested in me, right Kaede? I certainly do not mind. After all, I am the Ultimate Robot. Naturally, I will attract interest. Kaede: Yeah, I've never talked to such a human-like robot before... Well, any robot, really. Hey, if you don't mind... Can I ask you a question? K1-B0: By all means, ask me anything. Oh, but I cannot answer any questions about the technology used to create me. Kaede: Don't worry, I won't ask anything too difficult! Okay, first question...do you sleep at night? K1-B0: I have no need for sleep. However, it is necessary to recharge my power cells. Kaede: Oh, so you recharge! K1-B0: Yes, but I am still conscious while I recharge, so it's not quite the same as human sleep...A single charge generates a week's worth of power, so I don't need to do it very often. Kaede: Ooh, for one week, I see... I always assumed robots needed a lot of electricity. K1-B0: That's what's so incredible about me! My energy efficiency is truly incomparable! Kaede: Hmmm... K1-B0: ...That's it? Kaede: Huh? Was he expecting me to be more excited? To be honest, it's not *that* amazing... May I ask you another question, then? K1-B0: Yes, go ahead... Kaede: Do you eat? K1-B0: ...No... Kaede: Huh? He looks pretty down... Sorry, did I say something wrong? K1-B0: No, I'm sorry too...Though I cannot eat, food still looks delicious to me. The unfairness of it all pains me... Kaede: Yeah, that seems pretty rough. Do you like girls? K1-B0: ...Huh? Kaede: Are you attracted to human girls? Or do you prefer female robots? K1-B0: Are you suggesting...that robots should stick with their own kind? Kaede: I didn't mean it like that! I was just curious! Honest! K1-B0: Then...are you saying...that you...and me...? Kaede: Th-That's not it, either! K1-B0: ...Of course. I apologize for being overly self-conscious. I have never felt romantic attraction, so I cannot answer questions on that subject. Kaede: How do you feel about the Roomba? K1-B0: You mean...the disc-shaped cleaning robot that scoots along the floor Kaede: Yeah, that! Do you see them as, like, younger siblings or something? K1-B0:  ...Kaede, it's very robophobic to suggest that robots are only good for cleaning. You should know that I am completely different from that simple machine. Kaede: But you guys are basically the same, more or less...so I was just wondering K1-B0: That does not matter. If I am comparable to a human, that thing is comparable to a microbe. Kaede: But compared to Roombas, you're losing in the popularity department. K1-B0: Why, that's—! Kaede: I'm kidding! Really! K1-B0: Krgh...! Human jokes are rather vexing...! Kaede: I continued to ask Keebo some questions... Well, that's all! Thanks for answering them, Keebo! K1-B0: Yes, of course...You're the first person to ask me so many questions, one after the other. Kaede: Oh! Was I being too forward? K1-B0: No, that's not what I meant. I just thought......being treated like that isn't so bad. It's actually...kind of fun.

hooboy that’s a lot. Robot is just looking for some validation and is not gonna get it in the ways he thinks he should! One week battery life is incredibly impressive but Kaede sure doesn’t think so, or care to know why that is. She is pretty nice though, overall. Oh and the fact Keebo has a built in company secrets thing is kinda funny. Maybe that’s why he’s garbage with computers, he can’t blab if he doesn’t know jack :v. Mostly we just reconfirm that Keebo is pretty bad at talking to people and probably hasn’t met all that many. He also takes the ‘liking girl’s question really badly and backpedals into being offended when really he just doesn’t have an answer at all. Since he doesn’t know what love is. He actually apologizes for freaking out here, so apparently getting touchy is just his default reaction. :p You can see when he actually has time to explain why he doesn’t like a thing he’ll actually do so, and seems more reasonable when he can. Of course he doesn’t like being compared to something that scoots along, doesn’t think and cleans. They’re both robots, but really not on the same level...and Keebo isn’t quite sure how he’s going to handle that. He says it’s rude to say they’re only good for cleaning...but you can kind of tell he mostly means in relation to himself/robots as intelligent as he is. So instead he just sounds weird and inconsistent...and robophobic himself considering he thinks he’s better than other robots :v Even if it is a joke...Kaede is probably right about the roombas being more popular than Keebs. Also who the heck made him think food looks good when he can’t eat. That’s just mean.

Kaede’s blurb about him for the FTE is pretty positive too, when you see Shuichi’s they’re quite different. (Though their rank one FTEs are INCREDIBLY SIMILAR. because this is how Keebo introduces himself to people. By assuming they want to know about him and flailing. aka terribly. this poor robot. he’s probably only met other people interested in robotics before now.) So we move to FTE 2, where Kaede shows she’s an impulsive little imp when she wants to be!

Kaede: I'm chatting with Keebo again today, but... K1-B0: ...Kaede, is something troubling you? Kaede: N-No! It's nothing.  To be honest, something's been bothering me, and I can't really focus on our conversation.There's a button on Keebo's neck... What does it do? It's calling out to me... I wanna push the button! *thud* K1-B0: Hm? What was that sound? Kaede: Whatever that sound was, it occurred at the exact right time...Because when Keebo turned around, his neck was completely defenseless...Oh, god! The button is like screaming, "Don't push me! Don't push me!" But I'm definitely gonna push the button! *click!* 

(great job you broke him kaede. they do a ... back and forth like five times, just stare at it for a bit.) No reaction...? Keebo!? I called his name and circled around him... K1-B0: ... Kaede: Whaaaaat!? Keebo was completely frozen! Like a toy out of batteries...M-Maybe that was the emergency stop button!? Wh-What should I do!? Maybe if I push it again, it'll fix him...? Hoping that was the case, I pressed the button again. *click!* K1-B0: ... Kaede: ... K1-B0:  Wha—!? Kaede, why are you in front of me? Weren't you behind me earlier? A-And why are you so close to me? Kaede: I-I'm so glad... You're back to normal... K1-B0: Huh? What do you mean? Kaede: U-Um...well, I noticed a button on your neck, so I pushed it K1-B0: What—!? You discovered this button!? Kaede: I-I'm so sorry! It was tempting me! Was that the emergency stop button? K1-B0: ...Yes. It's there just in case my AI or essential functions encounter problems. Kaede: I didn't know you had such a function... K1-B0: Kaede...you know my secret now... Kaede: I-If it's a secret, then you should've hid it better! K1-B0: But what good is an emergency button that cannot be easily found in an emergency? Kaede: But there are people who might push it for fun...like me... K1-B0: ...That's true. I will forward your feedback to the professor when we get out of here. Kaede: Yeah, good idea... K1-B0: But...Kaede, that means you will have influenced my design. Which means you will have played a role in my creation. Kaede: Huh? You're exaggerating. K1-B0: It's no exaggeration. If Professor Idabashi can be considered my "father"...Then you, Kaede, will be my "mother." So I shall call you mom. Kaede: M-M-Mom!? What!? K1-B0: ...That was a joke. Kaede: U-Um... K1-B0: It's payback for messing with my body. You deserve at least that much. Kaede: Ha...hahaha... I'm so sorry, Keebo. A robot making a joke... That's pretty cool. The title of Ultimate Robot really suits him. K1-B0: Um, Kaede... Do you think you can keep that button a secret from everyone? Kaede: Yeah, don't worry. Kokichi definitely can't find out about his button. That would be a huge problem...

Keebo spends a good chunk of his own FTE completely frozen up :v That, and Keebo has this collar covering nearly all of his neck and half of his face! How did you get to it? Or are you calling the collar his neck. He’s probably had to deal with literally getting his buttons pushed before, but Kaede does apologize so he seems more okay with it than he’d usually be. (Really as long as you say sorry he’s generally okay...he wants you to like him.) Also, having that button probably isn’t a ton of fun, even if it’s important. He was completely unaware of what happened and a bit disoriented because of it. Yet he still has time to defend the professor about the placement of the stop button. (As I seriously doubt he had any say in where it is, Kaede! Don’t go pushing random buttons on people!) The fact he gets back at her with an attempt at a joke this time is pretty cute, considering he just previously said jokes are difficult for him. He’s learning! That and the fact both of them instantly go ‘Kokichi must never know’ is just ‘yes, hilarious.’ He’s pretty lucky she keeps it secret and no one else finds out. As an aside, Kaede can ask Rantaro what she thinks of people, and Keebo is an option.

Rantaro: Nah, it's nothing. By the way, who's the most...unique person here, in your eyes? Kaede:  Keebo... Rantaro: Being a robot is interesting enough that his personality barely matters. But you know, I think Keebo is on our side... Kaede: What do you mean, on our side? Rantaro: Have you ever heard of the Three Laws of Robotics? The long and short of it is...robots can't harm people. If Keebo's creator was a good scientist, he would have programmed that into Keebo's AI. We're all human, so we can assume that he's on our side...Of course, I'm just guessing

He probably wouldn’t appreciate his personality not having to matter, but Rantaro basically seems to trust Keebo here. Because he’s a robot :v Unfortunately, he doesn’t trust him enough to let him in on the survivor perk thing...he probably would have lived if Keebo came along to his ill advised library search. It’s much harder to sneak up on two people with a shot putt ball. speaking of shot putt balls, time to get past the part where he dies. Since Keebs is hiding out his room, he gets summoned by the body discovery announcement.

He doesn’t get it, and understandably panics a little, and doesn’t really interact with anyone, they’re all doing their own expressions of dismay. Miu’s does come after his though. What finally gets him talking again? Being worried he won’t be much help.

Kirumi: Do not fret. Just imagine this as something out of a police drama or detective manga. Right, Shuichi? Shuichi: R-Right... K1-B0: I'm in trouble... I've never watched police dramas or read detective manga! Korekiyo: Well...there's no need to think so hard. We need only converse with the corpse... A corpse is not simply a dead person. That is just an assumption made by the living. Yes! By coming face to face with the corpse, you will learn a great many things! (yes that is it exactly.)

Really though, how long has Keebo been ‘alive’? He’s never so much as looked at entire genre even once? You had time for the entire history of stand up and didn’t look at detectives? Shuichi taking charge a little does get him a bit more positive though.

K1-B0: As novice investigators, logic dictates that we work together rather than give in to paranoia.

Teamwork makes the dream work :v He also goes ahead and does the protagonist thing again here.

Kaede: We’ll all escape from here! I’ll make sure of it! K1-B0: So, let's get started. 

He’s the first one to say ‘okay let’s do the thing.’ He’s also the first to react when Kaede says...

Kaede: The mastermind killed Rantaro... K1-B0: ...Mastermind? I’m sorry, what are we talking about?

Asking clarifying questions is Keebo’s part time job at this rate. Most of the other characters have no idea what Kaede is going on about here! This exchange is ten times funnier when you know Kaede is actually right, Tsumugi’s sprite is on screen when she says this and everything. Keebo also trusts Monophanie at her word when it comes to developing the camera film.

K1-B0: And she said she had to follow the rules, so I don’t think she’d destroy evidence. 

He doesn’t say how he thinks very often! Though in this case he’s probably speaking from experience...he’s a robot too, and might have rules he absolutely has to follow. (Such as not talking about how he was created.) Gonta is the other one who trusts her...but Gonta is kind of a sweetheart that trusts almost anyone so :v. Angie also sort of does? But really, the ones who trust are all in the ‘probably not taken seriously’ camp. He continues to be a team player during the investigation.

Kirumi: I do not intend to offer a suggestion that would further arouse suspicion, but... K1-B0: No, that's logical! Please speak your mind, Kirumi! Kaito: It's not something you should be proud to say... but I guess we don't have a choice. After all, if we don't find out who the culprit is, we'll all be killed. 

Keebs with the logic train again, with Kaito there going ‘I Do Not Like’, seeing as it’s kinda hard to believe in your friends while suspecting them. He almost seems to be chastising Keebo here, since he’s unapologetically for the ‘stick in groups’ plan. Of course robot lad knows someone is dead, someone here had to have done it, taking all precautions therefore is only being sensible. In the investigation proper he hangs out in the classroom they kept watch in with Korekiyo, since he actually listens when they say stay in groups.

K1-B0: Kaede, Shuichi! I would like to ask you two a question! You were on lookout inside this classroom, right? Kaede: Yeah. From here, we could keep an eye on the basement, and it was close to the library, too. Shuichi: That’s our alibi. We were both in this classroom when the murder occurred. K1-B0: I see... Then the probability that you two committed the crime is extremely low... By the way...were you two together the entire time? Shuichi: No...I did leave for a bit to see what was happening in the basement. But besides that, we were together the whole time, until the receiver went off. Kaede: Y-Yeah, that's right... K1-B0: ...I understand. Thank you very much. Kaede: Is that all you wanted to ask? K1-B0 Oh, may I ask you one more question? Specifically, about that vent... It appears to be connected to this classroom. The air duct in the basement hallway leads to it... Shuichi: Yes, I was also concerned about this vent... That’s why we kept watch in this classroom. Kaede: Because the culprit wouldn't be able to use this vent if we're in here on lookout. K1-B0: Under those circumstances, it would be difficult to sneak into the library from here. Shuichi: Kaede stacked up books in front of the library vent as well. With those in the way, it would be even harder for someone to go in and out. K1-B0: Really? I will be sure to save that important piece of information to my memory bank. I hope my line of questioning has not offended either of you. It is necessary, so that we may find the truth. Kaede: Keebo, you totally sounded like a detective or a lawyer just now! Oh! Maybe you were a detective or a lawyer in a past life!

Keebo does not appreciate your absolute nonsense Kaede. Even if you’re meaning it as a complement. He’s trying pretty hard, noticing the vent and asking for alibis and trying to puzzle out what happened. He is of course, pretty wrong about these two being unlikely culprits for being here since he hasn’t considered how the murder occurred, but he’s already admitted to not being good at this. He even apologizes for being rude, he’s so worried about making people not like him! Yet he still gets prickly about the robot thing, but really Kaede should we be talking about past lives when there’s a smashed avocado downstairs at this very moment?

Kaede: Hey Keebo, what were you doing and where during the body discovery announcement?  K1-B0: Ah... My alibi.  ... ... (we get his glitching out sprite here :v) Kaede: ...Um, are you glitching right now? K1-B0: No, I'm just searching for the right words. In all honesty I was alone in my room, so I admit my alibi is not altogether reliable... Kaede: So...you don't have an alibi? K1-B0: But Ryoma said he was alone in his room, too. Kaede: Geez, way to throw him under the bus K1-B0:  Huh!? Th-That was not my intention! Kaede: But I see... Both Keebo and Ryoma don't have an alibi... That means, it's possible one of those two is the mastermind... K1-B0: Umm... Am I under suspicion because I don't have an alibi? Kaede: No... I won't suspect you just because you don't have an alibi. And I’m not saying that because you’re a robot or anything! I’m not robophobic at all! K1-B0: Thank you very much. But...you don't need to be so PC. 

Don’t throw Ryomas under busses. Though this is more of ‘I’m stating a fact’ and not really thinking how that comes off again. Well, really you should be under suspicion Keebo, but Kaede already knows who the culprit is and is trying to make you feel better since you’re clearly anxious about it. So she leans into your weak point...and you tell her it’s fine and she doesn’t need to do that. Now is that because her outright saying she not a robophobe makes you feel silly, or are you so worried about inconveniencing your friends you’re just automatically downgrading the importance of your feelings? keebo doesn’t know what he wants. So who’s the one to ask the protagonist about the last bit of evidence they get?

K1-B0: ...Kaede! Are those the developed photos?

zero points for guessing designated audience insert. I have a question and wish to ask it is just how he rolls, especially early on when everyone needs time to talk.

K1-B0: There is one more photo of the front entrance, correct? 

as you see.  A+ for consistency.

Kaede: The camera pointed at the front entrance only snapped these four photos... K1-B0: Neither Rantaro nor anyone else who could be the culprit are in the photos... Ryoma: Did they both enter through the back door, then? 

Adding his two cents, though he’s basically stating the obvious. Hmm. Is it really his two cents when he’s just making factual comments? Ryoma’s the one who actually moves the thought to the next question that needs to be answered.

Ryoma: Could the culprit have gone into the hidden door? K1-B0: Yes, that is a possibility. Korekiyo: For now, let us see the next picture. There is one remaining, isn't there? 

Validating other people’s assumptions but not adding any of his own here.  

Shuichi: But that would mean that Rantaro noticed it... He saw...our hidden camera... K1-B0: Moving the bookcase triggers the sensor, which in turn activates the camera, right? The bookcase appears to have already been moved, so why did the sensor activate...? Tenko: Who cares!? What happened to the culprit!? How come they're not in any of the photos!? 

Tenko, Keebo cares. That’s why he asked.  He’s either not quite understanding how the sensor works...or he’s pointing out the bookcase has moved more than it should have to trigger the sensor a second time. So we know someone came out of the mastermind lair when Rantaro got distracted by the flash. We will never touch on this again! We know the door can automatically close, but it’s in the exact same position despite the camera interval timers. this is probably just oversight but it is kind of funny to think this could have been a giveaway.

Kaede: We just need to expose the mastermind in this class trial! And then everything, including this killing game...will come to an end. K1-B0: Yes, that's right.

Gotta stick to those safe tiny bits of encouragement eh Keebs? even if he’s wrong

K1-B0: I'm sorry, I can't even posit a guess as to who the culprit might be...But I haven't given up! I assure you, we will avenge Rantaro!

‘I have nothing useful to add, so I’m going to use odd words and restate my willingness to help.’ The choice of ‘avenge’ is pretty interesting though. Keebs isn’t big on violence, and we’re not going to be avenging Rantaro with a song and dance number here, we’re gonna get someone else dead. Perhaps we’re getting a tiny peek at the ends justify the means Keebo who only really gets to come out to play in chapter six. or he’s just mimicking the other’s sentiments and not thinking too hard about what avenging would mean :v

Keade: An...elevator? K1-B0: Does he want us to board it?

protagsaskstupidquestions.txt

K1-B0: This is an authentic replica of a courtroom

No it’s not! Well maybe it is in ronpa world. oh god does he know what they look like because he was literally built for this. is this why he threatens with lawsuits.

Tenko: First, let's breathe in! And breathe out! We need to remember our "No, No, No's"! “No pushing! No running! No talking!” K1-B0: But communication is the foundation of any discussion!

The human is confusing me, and we’ve been here for like five seconds. He can’t think of a good way to start, so he’s stuck just pointing out things that might be problems, such as not talking :v

Ryoma: The mastermind, huh? Odds are, it's one of us... Kokichi: It's Kee-boy over here! Everyone else thinks so too! K1-B0: D-Does everyone really think that...!? Kaede: We'll get to the bottom of this... 

He can instantly buy into the idea that everyone suspects him. Even when it’s coming from Kokichi. Kaede sort of denies it, but this poor boy. He’s trying so hard and wants to do his best but has no trouble at all going ‘yeah everyone doubts me’. Maybe that’s a protag thing, with how Shuichi freaks out when you present the wrong evidence :v (THEY’LL THINK I’M A FRAUD)

Kaede: Because, Rantaro didn't have the card key to open the hidden door. You'd think the mastermind would have that card key on him, right? K1-B0: Perhaps the culprit took the card key after killing Rantaro? Shuichi: But none of the pictures show Rantaro holding the card key. So I don't really think he had the key at all

Time for Keebo to make little logical guesses and generally be wrong, since this is Kaede and Shuichi’s trial to run. Someone’s gotta double down on Rantaro possibly being the mastermind I suppose. 

Ryoma: To lure Rantaro to the library...and kill him K1-B0: Does that mean the culprit and the mastermind are one in the same? Korekiyo: Hmm... That does seem plausible. It’s very likely the mastermind knew about Kaede and Shuichi’s trap. Kaede: The mastermind knew about our trap this whole time?

Yes, but actually no. Ryoma, Keebo and Korekiyo are absolutely correct here, even though we won’t be getting the correct answer. It’s kind of impressive that the ‘real world’ protag and his Investigation Buddy have the actual right answer here. (Kiyo and Keebs were together after all). Ryoma’s showing up a lot near Keebo’s dialogue too :v The most unexpected trio ever.

K1-B0: So you knew nothing about the trap in the library? Miu: I'm tellin' ya, I had no idea! Not like it matters...cuz I never went to the library, okay!? Ryoma: The person who made the cameras...would've known their blind spots, too.

Keebo Ryoma tag team...to get the agree statement Kaede needs. I don’t think Keebo has really talked to Miu beyond her calling him pathetic once still.

Ryoma: Cool your jets, kid. Korekiyo: Tsumugi and Kirumi were both in the dining hall as well. K1-B0: We can dismiss those four as potential culprits if they were together the entire time. Korekiyo: No...not the entire time. At one point, Tsumugi went to the restroom. Tsumugi: Oh...so you brought that up after all...It's true. I went to the restroom closest to the dining hall.

I really didn’t notice how often these guys are paired together but now I keep seeing them. Kiyo corrects Keebo like a good Investigation Buddy and brings up a damning clue even. THAT WE WON”T USE AAAAA

Tenko: I would never punch a foe from behind! A true aikido master would never do something so dishonorable! K1-B0: Punching is permitted in aikido!? Tenko: Yes! Neo-Aikido even uses wooden swords! Maki: All you've proven is that you're an idiot.

A distraction conversation in the mass panic debate, but the fact Keebo is so baffled here is funny to me. I suppose he’d be more interested in self defense styles like aikido. Gonta also mentions  ‘ Not person... Robot? Like Keebo? ‘ when talking to Angie. Keebo Is Not A Person is a pretty common sentiment in the class :v

Tsumugi: The A/V Room's sliding door doesn't open, so you can't get into the hallway. K1-B0: If you cannot enter the hallway, how would you open the rear door to the library? Kirumi: Although you cannot fit your whole body through the sliding door, an arm would suffice. It would be possible if you used a particular item in the A/V Room.

Keebo doesn’t talk a ton in this trial because Lots Of People need screentime, but here he is to ask more questions now that we’ve moved past the correct culprit and are moving on to the ‘acceptable’ culprit. He continues to follow Kirumi’s logic path after this exchange too.

Kirumi: Yes, the act of throwing a shot put ball could lead one to use it as a weapon. K1-B0: Even if a person couldn't fit through the space, a shot put ball certainly would.

He doesn’t see the contradiction Kaede does in the whole open bookcase thing, after all. So he’s just helping in making Gonta look suspicious.

Kokichi: Yup! A walking, talking Roomba can't compare to a mighty beast like Gonta! K1-B0: That Roomba remark...is probably not about me, as l have a variety of custodial functions.

Yes, I’m sure everyone totally believes he believes that. While your rebuttal is ‘i can do lots of types of cleaning over a roomba’. This robot, I swear. I tell Kaede off for assuming robots should just need to clean but to prove myself to Kokichi I will talk about how good I am at cleaning things. (Amusing, Kaede apparently magically remembers this, she brings up Keebo’s cleaning function in one of her Salmon mode library dates :v) Also: Kokichi proving to himself that he can derail the robot REALLY EASILY if he wants to be distracting in trials. Keebo doesn’t participate again until another robot crack sets him off. 

Tsumugi: We don't even know if they're a guy or not, though, right? Himiko: Or if they're even human... K1-B0: Are you referring to me?

Himiko doesn’t like you Keebo, I’m sorry. Who else could she be referring to? The fact Tsumugi is saying this to Kaito’s ‘culprit should man up and confess’ thing though? Ha

Angie: The culprit was hiding in the library the whole time, before Kaede and Shuichi even placed the cameras. K1-B0: Where would they have hidden? Angie: Inside the hidden door! Ryoma: So you’re sayin’ the culprit was lyin’ in wait there? Korekiyo: If that's true, the suspects...are those who were alone at time of the incident.

Oh look, Keebo is talking when proof of the real culprit shows up, and asks the question that brings up that proof. Angie’s right! Kiyo is going a bit too far in suspecting Keebo and Ryoma here, but they’d be on the right track if it wasn’t for that chalk dust in the card reader :v 

Kirumi: So the real question is how the culprit entered and exited the library. K1-B0: We cannot continue until we address that problem first! Korekiyo: It’s quite the mystery. How did the killer avoid being caught by the cameras?

He’s helping a little here in making sure the discussion stays on this topic, but Investigation Buddy Kiyo is the one doing the work again. Keebs, you are really showing your inner Makoto :v

Miu: Eureka! I know how the culprit got in the library-- the front door! K1-B0: Um... Have you been paying attention? The camera would've taken their picture. Miu: Not if the culprit timed their movements around the camera intervals!

He’s so exasperated by her by saying something that goes against hard evidence/logic. He hasn’t even considered such a thing like camera intervals. He’s pretty bad about thinking of stuff that goes against ‘facts’. Sadly we won’t get more robot sass for a bit. But hey, we got some.

Miu: The three cameras that Kaediot and Poo-ichi placed go off when they pick up movement. From there, it takes 30 seconds for the film to auto-roll to the next photo. K1-B0: So, for 30 seconds, anyone could've entered the library without their photo being taken!? Kirumi: That may have been enough time to kill Rantaro and exit the library...

Thank you for summarizing for the audience Keebo, I think they figured that out. He’s perfectly happy to work with Miu even if he was just snarking at her for not paying attention. She just needed a logical reason and now he’s on board, no problems. This is probably the first non-aggressive/in agreement bit the two have, depending on how you read their other interactions.

Korekiyo: I see. Then he caused the receiver to go off in front of Kaede to trick her. Shuichi: ... K1-B0: It's certainly plausible, considering that Shuichi knew about the intervals.

Ryoma, since the receiver trick is his idea is the one who gets Keebo on the Suspecting Shuichi bandwagon. The fact Kiyo talks right before he decides it’s plausible is just amusing. He keeps following them, but doesn’t seem very sure. He doesn’t join in for the following debate.

Kaede: So that’s why there’s no way Shuichi could’ve turned off the receiver! Shuichi: ... K1-B0: If that is true, then the entire premise of the argument thus far is wrong... Kirumi: Is this true, Kaede?

He doesn’t actually ask if it’s true, just what it would mean if it was. I’m not sure if I’d rather take it as he doesn’t really buy it or not, she doesn’t seem like a great liar, but Keebo is pretty garbage at reading things. I don’t really think be buys it yet personally (he does later once hearing ‘why would I lie’), that why he doesn’t want to ask, but I can see it being the other way, in he does completely and he’s bummed that they’re back to square one.

Korekiyo: Or perhaps...you wanted to cover for Shuichi, even at the cost of your life. Shuichi: ...Huh?

Kokichi: Words from a true heartless robot! Emotions are only for meatbags! K1-B0: That is a harmful stereotype. I can produce heartfelt remarks through calculations! Tsumugi: Like "less than three"? Those kinds of calculations?

Mugi’s just here to dunk on a robot. Keebo is actually showing how different he is from everyone here. Even though he’s a big team player, he can’t fathom why someone would risk death for a lie for someone else. Kokichi is going to give Keebo a real life example someday, but it seems like Keebo is a tiiiny bit selfish here, or really just very lonely. He doesn’t have a strong enough relationship with anyone to make this idea seem possible, that and he’s not much of a liar. It’s not a shock Kokichi jumps on him here to try and figure out if this is just a shortcoming or Keebo just doesn’t feel much in general, but Keebo’s angry response probably clued him in. Even if he needs to clarify he’s doing so via calculations. Maybe you;re a bit too honest, Keeboy. (Also, given what we learn in his third FTE, a bit strange. His previous self killed himself over risking hurting the professor again...but perhaps he’s not counting that because it’s not a lie?) Either way, he’s taking Kaede’s lie as 100% truth at this point.

Miu: So we all agree that Poo-ichi did it!? Then let's just vote already! K1-B0: No, I think it’s too soon to determine the culprit. Tsumugi: Umm...I agree. I sort of can't believe that Shuichi is the culprit.

mugi i swear to god you just love flaunting don’t you. Keebo’s the first to go ‘actually let’s not die killing tthe wrong person’, so good for him. Against Miu, again. you two have a rocky start huh.

Ryoma: If Shuichi had the receiver, it could have been disguised. K1-B0: Kaede is the one who actually had the receiver!

Robot is gonna be the one taking the lie in the debate scrum and using it as a weapon. She said she didn’t lie, it is a fact now, and he’s sticking with it. He really flip flops on how much he wants to trust people. I think he wants to trust everyone generally, but then he gets in that logic zone and starts being suspicious again. Thaaat and the voice in his head often probably tells him to get off the logic track and believe. He listens to it when he ‘doesn’t know what to do’, and let’s be real Keebo is almost in a constant state of ‘what do’. The less confident he is, the more likely he’s going to be nudged into being trusting...

Kaito: Whoa! The brightness is totally different! K1-B0: Same room, circumstance, and camera. And yet, there is a disparity in brightness...

Reiterating and expanding on what Kaito said here, but he’s letting Shuichi explain it instead of trying to do so himself. It’s this sort of thing that makes me think his confidence is incredibly fragile >>

Shuichi: ...Kaede is the culprit. K1-B0: Huh!?

Keebo has identified the new protagonist and is now reacting to them first instead of False Protagonist. I suppose it makes sense he’s first to react a decent chunk of the time...he does have a computer for a brain. Quick on the update, sometimes. Not that he knows what to say beyond being baffled.

Shuichi: How Kaede killed Rantaro with the shot put ball...should become clear when you consider where she used it. K1-B0: Where she used the shot put ball?

Keebo you were in the room and pointed out the vent, come on buddy. but i was serious about how he’s figured out who he should be listening to most closely again.

Shuichi: ...She rolled it. She rolled the shot from the first floor classroom and hit Rantaro. K1-B0: I am skeptical that she could perform such a feat of accuracy...

see? Of course in his confusion the thing he personally investigated has just dropped right out of his hard drive. :v It does egg Shuichi on so he’ll continue explaining. It’s his show now. To the point Keebo stays silent until we get to Kaede’s motivations.

Shuichi: You weren’t persuaded by Monokuma...and you weren't trying to save yourself. What you were trying to do...was kill the mastermind! K1-B0: Kill...the mastermind? Shuichi:  Kaede wasn't targeting Rantaro. She was targeting the mastermind. She was trying to end this killing game... She was trying to save us all. ...Isn't that right, Kaede?

Keebo just loves to pretend to be Solid Snake. He’s been really quiet otherwise, this isn’t a good time. Kaede was one of the friendliest people to him, too.

Kaede: ... K1-B0: Kaede, what would possess you to do something like this?

Even after hearing how it played out (well, everyone thinks it played out) he still doesn’t get it. She did it to kill the mastermind, but he just can’t see why you’d ever take such a step. Maybe he wants to hear it from her, but it’s still a gut punch.

Kaede: I felt like if I didn't do this, then Rantaro's death would have been meaningless. K1-B0: We were searching for both the culprit and the mastermind during this class trial. Angie: Ah, Kaede did mention that.

What can you say to something like that? His death is ‘meaningless’ in a way, but the truth about him will come about later. (too bad keebo’s is the MOST meaningless) Keebo just chooses to stick to stating the facts, as if that’ll help it make more sense. Not that it probably does. He still has questions.

K1-B0: But, Kaede, why did you set such a convoluted trap? If your intent was to kill the mastermind, there was no reason for you to cover your tracks. Kaito: Isn't it obvious? It's because...she didn't want Shuichi to know.

Kaito is way better at figuring out people’s motivations, especially if driven by emotion. Keebo’s question is sensible...but it is probably rather obvious to everyone else there. He’s accepted she killed with a reason, though we don’t know if he thinks it was a good reason. Being tricked like this...it couldn’t have been good for anyone. He doesn’t stand up to the Exisals. He’s not going to throw his life away.

Kaede: Even after I'm gone...my wish will still be here. So I’m counting on you all! I’m entrusting my wish to every one of you! I believe in you! I believe that you all will make it through this, somehow! You guys better live! Don't go dying on me now! End this ridiculous killing game, survive, and get the hell out of this place! And then...be friends after you escape, okay? I think you’ll all be the best of friends. K1-B0: Affirmative, Kaede...

He will agree to try and make her wish come true. (before everyone else. he’s quick on the draw for this kind of thing.) Of course...no one takes her death well.

A horrible mess Keebo, a horrible mess. Of course, he can still pull himself together if a question needs to be asked.

Monokuma: ...Hate you? Puhuhu...who can say? That's your job to figure out. If you really wanna know what's going on, you're gonna have to work for it. ...Though the corpse formerly known as Rantaro may have had a hunch. Gonta: ...Huh? K1-B0: What do you mean? What was Rantaro's hunch? Monokuma: Puhuhu... What, indeed?

Posing for the camera, that bear. Unfortunately, Keebo doesn’t really pursue what Rantaro’s hunch might have been...or if he does, Shuichi isn’t around to see him do it. Or maybe he mentions it in a one off line and I’ve forgotten. We’ll see.

Tenko: Wh-what kinda d-degenerate male... cries in p-public...? It’s so r-rude... Keebo: But, Tenko, you're crying too. Ryoma: Now's not the time to point that out, Keebo. Just let it be.

Ryoma’s a good guy, he’s figured out Keebo doesn’t really mean anything by it, and he’s genuinely confused by Tenko’s illogical statement. No mockery or anything, just tells him to let it go for now. Of course he’s trying to get more easily answered questions figured out when you’re stuck dealing with ones like ‘why did Kaede have to die’, ‘why did it have to be so cruel’ or ‘what secrets do we know nothing about’. He’d rather be distracted right now.

Kaito: Clench your teeth! K1-B0: Kaito! You are supposed to say that *before* you hit him!

An easy fact that can be applied, so he speaks up. He’ll be speaking up when Kaito does a repeat performance later, too. Kaito and Keebo get on each others case sometimes :v But now it’s Keebo’s turn to be a bit insensitive. 

Shuichi: ...I'm fine.

Gonta: Gonta not sure it waste of time. But Gonta agree, fighting not good...

That was a pretty emotional moment between people mourning a lost one with Kaito trying to get Shuichi to stand up and fight back annnnnd Keebo’s calling it a waste of time. Oooof, he is bad at people. Gonta disagrees, though to Keebo it’s logically just a waste. He can’t see what they’re gaining here, or the point of fighting between friends like this. We know in hindsight that Shuichi kind of needs this, but our robot pal doesn’t. That, and violence is never really entering his acceptable solution list. Not yet.

Shuichi: Sorry, you should go ahead without me... K1-B0: ...Why? Is there a reason you wish to stay in a place like this? Shuichi: I want to be alone for a while. Just for a little bit.

must...respond...to...protagonist...Cannot understand why you want to stay in the place Kaede just died and you got punched in. Shuichi kinda gives a non answer, but Keebo doesn’t press. Probably because he’s not going to understand the answer anyway. That’s in for chapter one!

Why did I do this? Cus I’m in the mood to replay it and I am going to babble about my favourite who deserves better. The other kids a bit too, I do like them all but mostly the robot lad.

Also congratulations if you got this far, you’re just as nuts as I am! please share your own hot takes/ things you just realized from all the quotes shoved in here. I probably should have worked on my fanfics instead of doing this :v (I have a bunch on Keebo as Verl on A03, if you are like ‘yeas i want more ravings from this mad being’) ...I’ll be back with Chapter two later...

[current-mcr-news]

Carry The Fire Podcast with Gerard Way: Full Transcription

Welcome to Carry The Fire, a podcast where we explore the big questions of life through the lens of the good, the true, and the beautiful. I’m your host, Dustin Kensrue, and my hope is that through these conversations with people of diverse and divergent backgrounds and beliefs, we can glimpse the world anew through each other's unique perspectives.

Gerard: Fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself… I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12... Overall, I considered The Black Parade to be a death fantasy… death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined… Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die.

Dustin: Hey everybody. It is episode five of Carry The Fire podcast. Today we are joined by Gerard Way who is the singer of the band My Chemical Romance as well as also having released some killer music on his own. He has spent the last few years though, spending most of his time writing comics, including the very popular Umbrella Academy comics which have recently been adapted into a great show on Netflix. In our conversation, we talk about creating worlds and inhabiting characters, we talk about the beauty and the difficulty of creative collaboration, the complexity of trying to incorporate time-travel into a story, and we also get into Gerard’s spirituality a bit, and I want to give a brief heads up for some of you regarding that.

Gerard is going to talk a bit about magick and witchcraft. While I’m no expert on either, I do know enough to know that these words in this context probably don’t mean what most of you think they do. Some of you might not bat an eye hearing them but a lot of you probably came up inside a worldview where someone who was interested in these things was considered very evil. Gerard is very far from that. If I can try to provide a new framework for you it would be this: Generally, modern practices of magick and witchcraft, while being diverse in form, incorporate various insights and rituals from animistic pagan and folk religion, as well as incorporating some psychological intuitions from different fields and traditions. Practitioners generally tend to be very concerned with the earth and our connection with it. While this is not my spiritual tradition or practice, I recognize that we all have things to learn from each other. I think especially the ideas in these traditions about finding our place within the natural world are a helpful corrective to a lot of the western traditions’ tendency to want to dominate over nature, rather than seeing ourselves as a part of an interconnected web of being. I had no idea we’d be talking about any of this going into this conversation, but in the spirit of this podcast, I was so excited to hear from another unique perspective on the good, the true, and the beautiful, and I hope you will be too. Let’s get into it.

Dustin: Thank you so much for doing this.

Gerard: No problem.

D: It's super good to see you.

G: You too!

D: I'm trying to think of the last time we even saw each other and I- it was probably on tour.

G: Was it on the arena tour?

D: That's what I'm thinking.

G: It's been a long time.

D: And we were playing a bunch of World of Warcraft.

G: Yeah! That's my strongest memory. I have a lot of great memories of you guys, obviously, but the one that sticks out in my head the most is when we're all playing Warcraft in this big room and you had to go onstage, and you literally had your rig hooked up, you had your in-ears, they weren't in yet, but you were wired up, and I believe you even had a guitar, and you were still playing. You went literally from the keyboard from the computer right on stage.

D: Dude, I got way too addicted to that game. It's your guys' fault.

G: It was our fault, yeah!

D: Oh dude, it was so fun. It was probably like, what? Eight or nine of us playing in a room.

G: Yeah!

D: I don't know if it was the tour after that or two, and I had started just dreaming in Warcraft, and I went onstage one day and I was onstage and I had this moment where I was like, "I'm done! I can't," because I had tried to wean a little bit and it wasn't working, so I was like, "I gotta go cold turkey."

G: Yeah.

D: And I got offstage and I gave someone the Warcraft and I said, "Don't give this back to me. I'm done. I deleted it." Yeah. Which is funny because I seriously hadn't played video games since then until I just bought my kids a Switch.

G: Okay!

D: And they're playing Zelda.

G: Zelda, yeah.

D: And I decided to treat myself.

G: Nice, nice.

D: That's why I got a Switch for the road because Zelda's the best.

G: Yeah, I play Zelda with my daughter and it's so big though. We're having a really hard time getting a handle on the game because it's so vast.

D: Yeah, it is crazy. 

G: I had to quit Warcraft too. I had to go cold turkey because it was still in my life when I wanted to write The Umbrella Academy.

D: Oh.

G: And I actually had this- I was at the crossroads and I had this moment where I was like, "I can either play Warcraft or I could write this comic."

D: It's a time sink.

G: Totally.

D: That game especially.

G: Yeah.

D: The social aspect, it just ends up being enormous.

G: Yeah yeah, so that was it. I quit and never looked back. 

D: So, I was gonna ask you, prompted you earlier to think about it. What was something that gave you a feeling of wonder as a kid?

G: Okay so, I have a couple really obvious-

D: Or multiple things.

G: Multiple things, yeah, I have a couple real obvious answers.

D: That's alright.

G: And I know this is such an obvious one but Star Wars was really big. It just was and I know it was for millions of people. Once I saw that, it was like the first movie my parents ever took me to see and I was really young, but the thing back then was they were running these in theaters for like three years.

D: Oh really? I don't think I realized that.

G: Yeah. So Star Wars had come out and then they just kept running it until The Empire came out. I must've been two or something and they brought me to the theater.

D: Oh wow! I think I remember, I think my first memory of going to a movie was seeing- Was Jedi '84?

G: '83, yeah. I think it was '83.

D: So I remember going to see that, standing in line with my dad.

G: Me too!

D: That's the first, I don't know, there's just those moments where you have those- I remember listening to certain records in my dad's car.

G: Yeah.

D: And he'd turn it up loud.

G: Yep. That's one of my favorite memories of my dad is him picking me up from school early and then taking me to go see Jedi.

D: Oh that's cool.

G: Yeah, we waited in big lines that wrapped around. Even back then, there were a couple people ordering pizza. That's one of my favorite memories of being with my dad.

D: That's super cool. What about Star Wars specifically created that wonder? Was it the world?

G: The world, I think. It was the world, the scope, just this world you wanted to live in, that you wish existed and there was only three movies back then, so your brain would kinda fill in the gaps like, "What is it like? What are their supermarkets like?" And your brain would kinda- and later, that would come into play when I would RPGs, which is another thing I'll bring up in a minute. There was a time where I was in college, or right before college, where we were playing a Star Wars RPG that I was running, and it's just such a rich world.

D: Like a tabletop one?

G: Tabletop, yeah. And it was a really great game and it was super epic because the one thing about it was everybody already had a sense of that world in their head.

D: Yeah, you don't have to build that already.

G: Yeah, you didn't have to build.

D: You just add onto it.

G: Yeah yeah, so they all knew the world so when you would describe something, everybody had a vivid picture in their head, and then anything you hadn't seen before, you would just describe, but people had a point of reference so they would know.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: But yeah, Star Wars was like the first one and I was just obsessed with that for my whole childhood, playing with the action figures with Mikey, and we had our own sarlacc pit which was a dirt pit, and stuff like that. And then the other thing that was really important to me were tabletop RPGs. So, I was in the 3rd grade at a new school, but I still hung out with my best friend who was still at the old school. Anyway, basically he had an older brother- his friend had an older brother in college and he was way into D&D and he would run D&D for us, and we're all 3rd graders. That was a major moment for me.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah, it was. And to have a college-aged Dungeon Master who knew the game inside out was a really amazing way to play.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah. And that really opened up a big world for me. So then I would go on to- so I never stopped playing since the 3rd grade and then I took a try at being a Dungeon Master, and even just from playing and Dungeon Mastering, I learned how to tell stories, and I was really into that. You'd learn things even about leadership if you go to become the party leader, or if you're the DM, you learn how to keep people engaged. You learn how to keep momentum, things moving.

D: That's interesting. I feel like that's something that maybe a lot of storytellers are not paying as much attention to as they used to. There's the book I brought you, it's called Invisible Ink.

G: Oh, cool!

D: This guy, Brian McDonald, who's kind of like a story guru. He consults at Pixar all the time, teaches screenwriting, he's very cool. But he grew up watching a bunch of the classic movie directors coming up in the '60s and '70s or whatever, and they all had this vision of what stories were and really paid attention to how- they thought about how the audience would react, imagined them in the theater, or whatever. And then, something he was talking about is he just feels it's dropped off, that interplay of trying to connect and let that influence how you're actually creating the story.

G: Yeah. I'm excited to read that. I'm a big fan of structure and I'm a big fan of outlines.

D: Okay.

G: Yeah.

D: You'll like this.

G: Yeah! Good! I'm a big fan of those things because the way I see it, if you know your whole story, and I always feel like you don't need to know all the details, you don't need to know all of it, but you should know kind of- you should have some kind of outline or a structure, and then you get to have fun because you do know the beats you need to hit, but all the spaces in between, you get to fill that in.

D: I think it's rare that anyone doesn't do that and does it well. Stephen King's maybe the only one that I can think of that just doesn't write that way, and somehow he just has internalized it or something, and it ends up working itself out.

G: Yeah.

D: That's cool, man. So would you say those kinds of things, these imaginary worlds, these built worlds, are the things that still bring you the most wonder and joy in a sense?

G: Yeah! And it's something that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to build my own worlds that people could share and be a part of, and that was something I did all throughout the band was just kinda- and building all these different worlds and the people that inhabit those worlds and the details down to the stickers on the Trans Am for Danger Days, those were all planned out. So my favorite thing to do is world building. And I've done it for projects that haven't come to fruition as well. Like I was working on this sci-fi TV show for a while and I just went deep, and I just came up with- with my friend Jon Rivera, we just came up with this whole world. So world building is something I'm a big fan of. And it's something I've noticed people talk about when they're talking about either my work with Umbrella Academy or My Chemical Romance, is the world building aspect, so. World building as a job title isn't a job, but I think it's- that element is, I feel like, one of my strengths.

D: Yeah. As far as the world building, I feel like you've not only built those worlds, but with MCR, you lead in inhabiting them in a way.

G: Yeah.

D: It's fun to watch. It's scary for me a little bit, watching it. Is it scary for you or is it safe for you? To be in that character.

G: That's a good question. I think there's a bit of safety that comes with being a character, and obviously, I was looking up to my heroes when I was constructing that. I was looking at David Bowie, especially around Black Parade, that's when I was like, "I'm gonna be a character." Early Black Parade stuff was like, I had written this line out that basically said, "What if Death had a rock band?" It obviously changed from that and we all became Death in a way, the whole band, but there was a safety with inhabiting a character, and the character I was during Black Parade was fun because I think in an entertaining way or a positive way, there was this level of disdain that you would have for you audience as playing as The Black Parade. But it was, to me, a healthy kind, because you were just playing really. And I thought that was a fun aspect of that character. But then there's a lot of you in the character and it's kind of- I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12. It's interesting when I would meet people afterwards and stuff, they would be like, "I didn't think you were gonna be so normal when I met you," just because the way I would act onstage. And I met a lot of kids who were like, "I thought you were gonna be such a jerk."

D: That's funny.

G: Because I would play one, you know. And it was just part of the drama for me.

D: Yeah. That's cool. Have you read any Ursula K. Le Guin?

G: I love her! I just reread Earthsea, the first one.

D: I haven't read it. I've heard it's amazing.

G: Yeah, it is.

D: I just got into- I read The Left Hand Of Darkness.

G: Oh, I've not finished that, but I loved what I've read.

D: It is a very slow book, in a sense. It's not exciting, in a sense, but it's got this patient movement and by the end, I was just floored by it. It was fantastic.

G: I have to finish that one. I love her and her work, especially Left Hand Of Darkness, it does have a patient movement, I think that's the best way to describe it. And I've also loved the way that she talks about storytelling in writing, and one thing I've read from her recently that really stuck with me, this is a quote of hers, and I'm paraphrasing it, I don't know if I'm getting this exact, but she basically said, "Not every story needs to have a message. It could just be the act of telling a story. You don't have to lecture your readership or your audience, or hit them over the head with this big message. It doesn't have to have one."

D: Which is interesting because I feel like she is a very message orientated writer in a certain way, but maybe that's coming in in a very natural sense.

G: Yeah.

D: [C.S.] Lewis talked about that too, where he was like, "The last thing you wanna do is write this thing that's just trying to tell something." He's like, "Whatever truth that you actually believe, those things are coming out if you just write."

G: If you just write, I agree with that.

D: Like Narnia, apparently, started from- he had a picture in his head of a faun in a snowstorm holding a parcel with an umbrella. That's the whole world built out of that, and he loved that image, and his love for it blossomed into something.

G: Yeah! That's awesome!

D: It's super cool. So, the beginning, in the intro of Left Hand Of Darkness,  Le Guin says, "I am an artist, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth. The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor." So even when you're making music, you were talking about you're making these fictions, you're lying as it were. I was watching something the other day, you said something like, "Sometimes fiction is closer to fact," or something in that range. Is that accurate of how you feel creating, that sometimes by- you're getting at a deeper truth by telling a fiction?

G: Yeah yeah. That could happen, and I think it's kinda magical when it does happen. Black Parade especially is filled with a lot of metaphors and maybe the fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself. Because exposing yourself is really hard and one of the- just allowing yourself to be vulnerable is really hard and one of the things that Rob Cavallo said to me when he was producing Black Parade was, "Making a record, a great record, is you're almost pulling open your insides and you're pulling all your guts out," and things like that, and it's a brutal process because of that, but I think I did that on that record a lot. There's a lot of self loathing and there's the Catholic guilt I grew up with appears in stuff like Mama and House of Wolves, how you think you're destined for Hell and things like that, but it's cool, yeah. Fiction gives you a way to express these things and make yourself vulnerable and open yourself up and that's the way I like to use it, and then sometimes, there's stuff that's just straight fiction or fantasy. Overall, I considered Black Parade to be a death fantasy. A rock and roll death fantasy because I thought death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined in a way, because I think Mick Jagger had said once, "Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die." 

D: That's amazing.

G: Yeah! So, it was this rock and roll death fantasy, Black Parade.

D: That's cool. I have the worst memory. So, I was preparing for this and somebody was like, "Hey, ask Gerard if he really wrote the treatment for the Image Of The Invisible video," and I was like, "Holy shit!" I totally forgot that-

G: Oh my god! 

D: That you did that.

G: Oh my god! That was so fun too! I totally forgot! I gotta rewatch that.

D: What's funny too is I watching your videos and I was like, "This is so cool, these characters. We've never really done anything like that. I guess Image Of The Invisible is kinda like that," but didn't even make the connection, but it's totally that way because you were building that world!

G: That was so much fun.

D: And I got to live in it and it was cool.

G: That's cool. Yeah, I was really honored that you asked me to conceptualize a video for you guys.

D: It was fun. I don't think we've ever had another one where it was such- well, definitely not such a developed story.

G: Right. Didn't we do something too where we had lights on their helmets?

D: Yeah.

G: Their eyes were supposed to be lights or something?

D: Yeah, maybe it was like a single eye was a red laser-y light.

G: Yeah. That was cool. I'm gonna rewatch that when we're done.

D: So you grew up with the Catholic guilt, you said. Did you ever feel like you inhabited that world, or was it something being kind of thrust on you that you didn't- I mean, it's hard as a kid.

G: Right.

D: You don't even know, but I'm curious about that and then where you'd feel like your kind of big frame worldview is now on like, "What are we all doing on this rock?"

G: Right, right. My family, my parents, they weren't super religious. I come from this Italian Catholic background though so it was the kind of thing, my grandmother would go to church sometimes, but never would push us to really go. But for Christmas or something, my mom would go with her. But I think they thought, my parents thought, "This is the right thing to do. We should raise our child with believing in God and raise them Catholic because we're good. Even though we're not always there, we're good Catholics." So, they kind of put me on that path and I think the first thing I learned from being Catholic, or just religion in general, maybe it's somewhat at times specific to Catholicism, is this fear. And this fear of Hell, that's they really instilled in us. I think I was in the 1st grade or something, really young, and there was this thing that would happen where they would talk about death and Hell and all that stuff, and there was this period which, because of these classes, these after school classes, I would have these bouts of just crying. I guess I was coming to terms with the fact that my parents wouldn't be there forever or I would lose them and they would die. But then the additional fear of, "Well, if they behave bad, they'll go to Hell, and I'll go to Hell too," and so, there was this period where it was really upsetting for me, and I channeled that. I tapped into that stuff on a couple records, and on Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, I borrowed a lot of Catholic imagery, and that second video for Helena being in a church, and things like that. So I kinda started- and in some of our merch designs too. I remember we had one with a cathedral and a rosary and all this stuff, and then that would come to a head in the song Mama on Black Parade but, yeah, my journey in terms of spirituality and where I came with that. Obviously, at some point, I was confirmed in the 5th grade, so I did that. But then after that, my parents didn't have any more requirements out of me, because it was all about baptism, communion, and confirmation. And if you did those three things, you were good, then you could go as you wanted. So they never pushed me to go. And then, over the years, obviously I got into punk rock and I didn't believe in God for the longest time, and then I just started to really need spirituality in my life as I got older. And I'm more of the sense where I believe in there being some- I don't know if it's a God, but I do believe there's something.

D: Something, yeah.

G: Yeah. There's something out there, there's some kind of reason. I also believe we come from- because we do, we come from star stuff. 

D: Yeah.

G: We come from the universe. We're birthed from the universe. I'm a believer in the fact that the universe is chaos and born out of chaos and it's uncontrollable, and there's kind of no rhyme or reason to anything, and tragedies and accidents and bad things happen and good things happen, and it's really just chaos being this constant true thing in the universe, and I came to those discoveries through my study of magick, occultism, and things like that, which I was inspired to do by my friend Grant Morrison. He's kind of like a big brother to me, mentor, he's really supportive and he's very into magick. And so I became interested and he's given me some lessons, and I actually wanted to do a podcast one day with him where I literally just sit down with him and have him talk about magick, because the way he describes it is, you would almost need it to be recorded to fully explore all the theories and things like that. So, I started to need magick, high magick, chaos magick, and eventually witchcraft, and witchcraft is something I felt more comfortable with because I always felt like, when I was reading about chaos magick, it felt like it was about making the universe bend to your will, whereas I was looking for something more that you were in service to the universe.

D: Interesting.

G: I think I got this from reading Crowley's book on magick, but basically, I don't know exactly what he said, but basically reality is your perspective. And that was kinda one of the key points of magick, your brain builds your reality.

D: Yeah.

G: And I thought that was a really great take away from all that. So, yeah, I've been interested in spirituality and things like that and studying shamanism, and all that stuff. We, with our daughter, we didn't raise her with religion, but we, Lindsey, my wife, is really spiritual too. Not like a practicing witch or anything, but she's just naturally adept at those kind of things. She's really in tune with nature, she knows a ton about herbology, a lot of the founding cornerstones of witchcraft is just kinda part of her life. And so, we do raise Bandit with- Lindsey teaches her all about herbs and plants and we have a witch's garden, and communicating with nature and trees and animals and things like that. So we're teaching our daughter that there is a kind of magick to life and magick does exist. It's not Harry Potter magic, but you know.

D: A lot of that seems like it's about an embodiment, a connectedness to everything, to other people.

G: Yeah, connectedness, for sure, yeah. And just teaching her that she's connected to the universe. And if she grows up and wants a different kind of religion, that's great too, and I know I explored those. I was looking for a religion in art school, because I had a class where we had to study all the religions, or most of them. And I kept going from each one and I was like, "I like bits of this one, but I don't like that." I couldn't find one that I landed on until I got later in life into more spiritual things like magick and witchcraft.

D: Cool. So with something like witchcraft, which for a lot of people are gonna hear it and have not at all the idea that you're talking about I think, so something like the idea of goodness in that, where does that derive from? Is that coming from the inter-connectedness? It seems like there's a moral view to it rather than morality being a decree maybe. It's something that arises out of those connections?

G: Right right, yeah! I think the positivity in it, to me, and here's the thing. I don't consider myself a practicing witch or anything like that, I just read a ton of this stuff. And that's one of the things they kinda warn you about with magick and everything, you could read all the books you want and some people spend their whole life reading books and never practice, but the thing they tell you to do is practice. And I think yeah, the goodness comes from being in service to the earth. Being connected to that and also, what I've learned about witchcraft, or at least the kind of witchcraft that I like, is it's very gray. It's not black magick, it's not totally white magick, it's just understanding that the universe and all things in it are very gray, there's no black and white to everything. And I've really liked that the most, because I get older- when I was younger, I was very black and white about a lot of things. Especially in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance, everything was really military and rigid, and black and white, and this is right and this is wrong. You kind of get older and you start to realize, "No, things aren't that simple. Not everybody's all good or all bad. There's a grayness there." 

D: Which, I think, I have a song of the latest Thrice record called The Grey and it's dealing with that idea of deconstructing the black and the white, and I think the biggest danger there is the idea that even if there was straight black, straight white, you are betting a lot on your ability to discern it at any given moment.

G: You are.

D: And then if you are actually holding to it, and you're basically betting on your ability to discern this thing and now it's of the most ultimate consequence and you filter out everything that doesn't fit into that, which is basically a bunch of yourself and a bunch of everyone around you.

G: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[ad break]

D: So I have a couple questions I’ll pepper in here from some of the Patrons. James Corvit said, “What is the purest form of goodness you’ve experienced as a human being, and how do you explain it?”

G: Purest form of goodness.

D: I don’t know, it’s deep.

G: Yeah.

D: I don’t know if that’s from someone or just internally.

G: The purest form of goodness. It’s a tough question but it’s a great question. I think the purest form of goodness is forgiveness. Or that would be something I would say is a very strong form of goodness. Even when you see people that the most terrible things happen to them, like a serial killer murders their loved one and then some of these people, not all of them, and I don’t blame the ones that don’t find forgiveness, but some of them find forgiveness and are able to forgive people for the most atrocious things, and so that feels like a really powerful form of goodness.

D: Yeah, I feel like in the middle of me deconstructing a lot of that stuff, something I was like- the idea of grace and forgiveness is something that goes deep there and I’m not willing to let go of that. Over the centuries, there’s been countless efforts to define beauty. Aristotle defines beauty as having “order, symmetry, and definiteness.”

G: Hm.

D: But it’s always struck me as a fairly anemic version of beauty. And then I saw on the cover of the My Chem single Sing, there’s a question on there that says, “Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?”

G: Right.

D: This makes me think that you probably also take issue with that definition a bit. I wanted to ask, is there something about brokenness that’s near the heart of beauty for you?

G: Absolutely, yeah. And that, I was trying to remember that phrase a couple months ago too, that was on the cover saying, yeah, “Would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful?” And yeah, I think beauty is way more complex than symmetry and I think there is a brokenness to beauty. I think, you look at a lot of musicians, you could arguably say from a certain perspective, if you subscribe to symmetry and things like that, a lot of musicians or front-people, men and women in bands, some of them you could say they’re not traditionally beautiful, or not what you would think is beautiful, but something about their vulnerability or their confidence and things like that, make them beautiful. And that’s in any case, even non-musicians. Like people that just go to work in the world and have normal jobs, there is something about beauty that is much deeper than just what you see visually.

D: One of the Patrons was saying that, “My Chem’s music reinforced to me and my friends that being an outcast was okay.” Was that something that you wanted people to feel? What were things growing up that made you feel like it was okay to be an outcast or a misfit?

G: I think by the time I was definitely not in elementary school- well, I didn’t have to struggle with being an outcast in elementary school. I actually went to a really cool school, it was just a normal public school, but the one thing I thought looking back that was very interesting about those years is we all got along, we were all friends, even the weirdest kids, and a lot of kids would just have these parties back then and everyone was invited. And then my first real experience with being an outsider was going to middle school, and then so, you aren’t all friends anymore, and there’s all divisions and cliques and things like that, and then I found myself to be one of these outcasts, one of these weird kids that listened to heavy metal and wore flannels. There were only a handful of us in the school that were like that. But it wasn’t until high school where I fully embraced being an outcast. The first year, freshman year was really hard because I was really an outcast and I didn’t even know where to sit at the lunch tables, because I didn’t fit in with any of these groups. And it turns out I ended up sitting with a table of metalheads because they saw me sitting by myself and they were like, “Why don’t you sit with us?” And that’s where I would learn about certain bands that they were into, like Murphy’s Law and the kind of things they were listening to back then. But it was important for me to have something that spoke to outsiders with My Chemical Romance because when I was that age, there wasn’t anything that really spoke to me like that. Or there wasn’t something so specific to being an outcast. There was lots of stuff that if you were an outcast you listened to like The Cure or The Smiths, so of course, I found all those bands. But there was nothing specifically geared to somebody that feels invisible or is an outcast or rejected and things like that, so when we started My Chem, it felt very much like we were channeling the energy of being an outcast onto whoever listened to us. And in the early days, it wasn’t a lot of kids. I mean, there weren't any kids that really listened to us. It was kinda older punk rockers, it was very interesting in the beginning. And of those older punk rockers, a lot of them were actually outcasts as well.

D: Yeah.

G: Within a scene so. And maybe they weren’t even full-on punk rockers, they were just a guy with a leather jacket at a bar who just saw something in us.

D: Yeah. That’s cool. The Patron Jonathan Clark is asking, “Do you have any rituals or practices that you do to find your center, wait for yes, get connected, see the good, the true, the beautiful in others, or let go a bit?” Basically he’s kinda asking if you have any meditative, mindfulness, something to practice.

G: Right right. I really enjoy T.M., Transcendental Meditation. Actually, I’m in an interesting spot with this though.

D: That’s where you’re chanting.

G: A mantra, yeah. You have a mantra and you kind of just repeat it in your head. It helps you, basically when you’re doing it, it releases negative energy and tension and things like that, and it’s very good. But sometimes, at least in my experience, and this is why I’ve kinda paused my practice at the moment, sometimes it could release trauma and things like that, and sometimes you end up reliving that and it makes it- and granted, your body is letting go of it, but sometimes it’s hard and I found when it would get its most intense, I would catastrophize things in my head and be- so I would be focusing on the mantra, but then things would happen like I would be thinking about the worst things that could happen to my family or my loved one, or something bad happening to them or getting hurt.

D: Is that something that happens to you? Do you tend to catastrophize in general?

G: Sometimes. I do tend to catastrophize sometimes, and it’s something I work on in therapy. I’m a big believer in talk therapy and, I don’t try to push medication on anybody, but I always just share my experience, and that it’s helped me.

D: Yeah.

G: I was somebody who was extremely imbalanced all through the years of My Chemical Romance, and go through these extreme highs and crushing lows where I wouldn’t get out of bed for like three months, but then I would be in a manic phase, and I would be up until 4am working on zines all of the sudden, and I would say to Lindsey, “I don’t need to sleep. Why do people sleep? I don’t get it.” So there was a lot of that, and then Lindsey found me a therapist and we did a lot of really hard work and I faced myself a lot, I looked inward. And at the same time, before we were able- before we explored and did the work, we stabilized my brain chemistry. That was the key. Once we were able to stabilize my brain chemistry-

D: You were able to actually…

G: Do the work, yeah. So, I am a big believer in T.M., it’s just that sometimes I struggle with it, but I know all I have to do is check in with the T.M. center and explain what I’m going through, and actually my therapist had found me this woman who’s one of the heads of, I’m not sure if it’s the David Lynch Foundation or something else, she actually said, “You should come in, I’ll talk to you, I’ll walk you through the trauma stuff and all the hard stuff.” But I’m a big believer in it because when it was cooking, and there were two months this year where it was totally changing my life until some of the negative came out. It was, I was a more productive, more focused, calmer, more engaged, more present. I’m a believer in it and a big believer in therapy and just having somebody to talk to.

D: Yeah. That’s awesome. On the drive up, I was thinking about Umbrella Academy and I really love it in general. I remember getting the comic when it came out. The show turned out so great. Are you really happy with it?

G: Yeah yeah! I’m totally happy. At the end of the day, it was somebody else’s vision and I was able to let go of that. I think I needed to. When the process first started in making it a TV show.

D: That’s gotta be hard.

G: It’s hard.

D: That’s your baby.

G: Yeah yeah! But I was really upfront when I was talking. I went in to meet with UCP and Dawn and the people there. I was with Dark Horse and they said, “What is your goal?” And I said, “My goal is to make great comics because I already went through a whole big thing with Universal trying to make this a movie and it just drained me.”

D: Oh okay.

G: And it was full of really difficult things, it took up a lot of my time, and disappointments, and I really turned my focus back to comics because I was like, that’s where you’re in charge. Nobody can- you have an editor, obviously, if you have a great editor, you’re doing great work together and you’re making changes, but it doesn’t feel like something creative is being ruled by committee, and that’s what it feels like in Hollywood. I was really upfront with Dawn and I said, “I want to make great comics so you guys have good material to make a good show.” I ended up being more involved than that. The extent of my involvement is giving notes, especially about things like wardrobe, costumes, the look and feel of the world, the fact that it’s kind of an alternate reality, and I give notes on scripts and I give notes on edits and things like that, so I am involved for sure. But I was able to realize this is somebody else’s baby and I’m happy with the results for sure. My whole thing is the proof is in the fact that everybody loves it.

D: I like Klaus a lot and I can’t remember, because I read the comics so long ago, how true to the book that character is.

G: Right.

D: Do you feel like it’s capturing what you were trying to get out with it? G: It is capturing, yeah. It’s capturing, to me, what Robert who plays Klaus, he’s capturing this kind of sadness and tragedy to the character. Also obviously, the humor. In the comic, Klaus is a little bit more of what I call a dry goth. He’s very nihilistic in some ways.

D: Not quite as whimsical, maybe.

G: Yeah, not quite as whimsical as what Robert ended up doing. But the way Robert approached the character really ended up working and he adds a lot of humanity to the character, that maybe there’s not so much of it, or you don’t see it very often in the comic with Klaus. Klaus just does bad things and makes bad decisions and obviously, a lot of that is coming from a place of trauma that he experienced as a child, and in the show, it’s cool because the drug use is there to help him quiet the voices in his head. They explored that a lot deeper and I thought that that was really cool.

D: Is that less of a focus in the comic?

G: A little bit. I never really explored the fact that he’s constantly seeing and hearing and talking to ghosts, and so these drugs kind of quiet his mind. I’d never explored that really deeply.

D: Which is cool because you, it’s another evidence of you’re building a world and someone else was living in it, and then they were like, “Well yeah.”

G: Yeah!

D: “Of course he’s like that,” and you’re like, “Well dang.”

G: Yeah! That’s a cool thing. They’re able to point at things you weren’t seeing because sometimes when I’m doing stuff like creating a world like Umbrella Academy, a lot of it is running off the subconscious. A lot of it is, some things you don’t realize you’re putting in there. And when they look at making a TV show or a movie, they really kinda deconstruct it and look at it and say, “Well, this makes sense because of this.”

D: Some of the beauty with the comic is that the concise kind of form makes it to where you don’t always have to trace down all of these rabbit trails, but when you're trying to blow it up into something else, you’ve gotta figure out how to make sense of it all.

G: Mhm. And to bring it back to the question of a sense of wonder. That was the other thing I thought about this morning when you asked me the question was, “what do I get a sense of wonder from,” and comics were a big one. Because to me- and then I would later reinforce these feelings when I started making them and writing them. You could do anything in them and that’s really what’s beautiful about them. I also love the mechanics of them, because there’s definitely things you could do in comics that you can’t do in film and TV and I love that. So I’ve really learned to embrace the medium when I’m writing them. I think I’m writing comics that are definitely comics, and they’re not just a TV show playing out in a comic.

D: Yeah. How much do you draw your own stuff just to get your ideas going? Or is it more conceptual?

G: Quite a bit. No, I do- well especially for something like, less so on Doom Patrol but Umbrella Academy, Gabriel Ba, the artist and I have this really cool relationship and I think the ideas kinda need to start with me, and I’ll do a sketch and then Gabriel will completely reinterpret that and kinda make it much cooler and much better.

D: That's because that’s your complete world from scratch, whereas with Doom Patrol you’re reinventing something?

G: In the beginning, Umbrella was definitely my complete world from scratch and I had this idea, but Gabriel, especially even in the early days, he helped build that world. I was able to give him a couple references and I’m like, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the ‘60s, maybe it’s the ‘70s. People are dressed like the ‘60s and cars look like they’re from the ‘60s, but there's modern things too.” And he loves drawing architecture, which you don’t find a lot of in comics. A lot of people try to stay away from the buildings in the background and the architecture, but he embraces the architecture so he really built that world with me in the beginning. But we still have our process and the process usually, not always but usually is, especially if it’s a villain or something like that, I’ll do some kind of sketch, even if it’s bad, and then Gabriel will take that and make it something.

D: That’s cool. Collaboration is terrifying and super fun when it’s working.

G: Yeah! When it’s working, it’s amazing, yeah. I love collaborating, and I’ve learned to really embrace it over the years. Delegating and collaborating were two skills I really needed to get really good at, and I think I got better at collaborating after the band. Although, we were pretty good about collaborating in the band, I just got better at it though.

D: Yeah. It’s definitely for Thrice, the most fun but also the hardest thing for sure, and it causes the most tension.

G: Right. Yeah, for sure.

D: Just because you care.

G: Because you care, yeah! You care, and sometimes you do see or hear a complete vision so you want that realized.

D: I think that’s the hardest part. You’re like, “I see all this,” and you’re like, “Okay but there’s three other people.”

G: Yeah!

D: Every single time that I’m set on something, and then everyone else is like, “Dude, no,” every time by the end, I’m like, “Wait, what was I stuck on?”

G: Yeah.

D: It didn’t matter anymore.

G: Yeah!

D: It’s totally a psychological issue at that point.

G: It is!

D: “It has to be this way.” No, it could be a million ways and they’re all different and cool.

G: Yeah. And that’s what I learned too when collaborating on music, is exactly what you just said. You don’t even remember what you were hung up on.

D: Totally.

G: Because it’s just much better after everybody's worked on it.

D: It’s very similar to being super upset about something in the moment and you’re just not thinking clear, and you sleep and you wake up and you’re like, “I was real upset about that. It doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.”

G: Yeah.

D: Time travel is a big thing in Umbrella Academy.

G: Yeah.

D: Which it’s notoriously troublesome to write stories with time travel.

G: Yeah.

D: And not have it just fall apart. If you’re trying to get a specific future, you have to have a bunch of people constantly fixing these things.

G: Right right!

D: I like that way of interpreting because usually it’s, “Oh, we fixed this one thing,” and you expect it to just keep going straight, but no way.

G: Right. I really like that the show took that from the comic and really explored it. All these people making these little corrections, sometimes they’re violent corrections, but sometimes they’re very simple. But time travel is such a pain in the ass. I did not envy them when they were starting to do the writer’s room for Umbrella Academy.

D: They try to make it all work.

G: Try to make it all work. And they’d have to put up these big timeline boards and be like, “Alright, this happens this year,” and that’s what I was doing when I was writing the second volume, Dallas, because there’s not much- I don’t think there’s any real time travel, besides Number 5 coming back, there’s no real time travel in volume one, Apocalypse Suite. But Dallas is all about it, so that was the hardest volume I’ve ever had to write, because time travel is just, it’s so hard.

D: Are there any stories that you like that you feel do it really well?

G: I don’t know if I’ve read enough time travel stories. I mean, I thought Back To The Future did it really well.

D: But then I always get stuck on the idea that you have to, there’s an endless cycle of Martys that have to go back.

G: Oh right!

D: And keep- my brain breaks when I try to be like, “But what if he doesn’t? Then none of it works anymore?” It all breaks.

G: Yeah, it can break very easily, and I think almost every time travel story has the possibility of completely breaking, or at least in some person’s mind out there, it is broken.

D: Yeah.

G: So sometimes you have to take time travel stories almost at face value and be like, “Alright, this works.”

D: Yeah, you can’t- well I think part of that is on the writer or whoever’s making it to address and deflect. The Brian McDonald guy I was telling you about, he talks about that somewhere where he’s like, “You gotta spot the problem and then you just need to have some character address it, and then sweep it away,” just so that it helps whoever’s watching or whatever, it helps them be like, “Oh yeah, what about this?” And then, “Oh, they thought about it.”

G: Yep.

D: And it’s not like it’s making it perfect, right? But it gives you permission to let it go, I think.

G: Yeah yeah. And you do have to address these concerns. I realized my answer might have been possibly a little lazy about taking things at face value, but one of the things I had to do in Dallas was address every concern that I thought the reader would have. 

D: Which is great. When you do the addressing, it lets the reader or the watcher or whatever, it lets them let it go and enjoy the story.

G: Yeah, exactly. I’m about to start volume four of Umbrella Academy and I’m really happy because I don’t think it’s gonna have any time travel in it, so I think we’re a little bit away from more time travel in Umbrella Academy.

D: Alright, this is a question from Mike Morale, he says, “In his recent arc, Cliff Steele aka Robotman, regains his humanity, at least in outward form. But on Gerard’s latest, ahem, cliffhanger, Steele burns it all up after facing the painful inhumanity of someone with power to hurt him. I suppose my question is, how do we protect the precious beauty of our humanity while remaining vulnerable to those who have meaning in our lives?”

G: Oh wow. How do we protect that humanity? Well that’s a big question, because especially with given how the world is now and the toxicity out there online and things like that, how do you protect your humanity? Because toxicity, like the kind that Cliff experiences when he goes to visit his mother in that nursing home, it’s a very real thing and it’s something you have to deal with. I don’t know how you hold onto your humanity, it’s hard sometimes.

D: While being vulnerable too.

G: While being vulnerable, yeah exactly.

D: Which I guess is almost synonymous to holding onto your humanity.

G: Yeah. 

D: Because you could close off but that’s not good.

G: Yeah exactly. I know this isn’t the healthier, great answer, but I think one of the things I did was to kind of remove myself from certain social medias. But it wasn't unhealthy because what I did was I decided to look inward at that point. Instead of, and I could tell you as many harsh people are on the internet, I was much harsher on myself. I looked in and I asked myself tough questions, I really asked myself what’s right and wrong. I think about these things deeply when I’m writing, but holding onto your humanity is very hard. And Cliff, obviously, he doesn’t hold on to that humanity, and he goes back into his cage because that makes sense to Cliff.

D: His follow up question was, “And does skin make the man, or can metal reflect who we really are just as well?”

G: I believe metal can reflect who we are just as well. I think Cliff Steele is very much Cliff whether he’s a human or a robot. He’s still Cliff and I think that’s one of the things that’s great about the character and why he’s so fun to write because no matter what, he’s still Cliff.

D: I wonder if there's anything you’ve been listening to, watching, reading, that you think people should check out?

G: Let’s see. What have I been reading recently? Well, this is old but I just decided to reread Lord Of The Rings from start to finish, and I made it through the books rather quickly and they’re just such a joy to read. They’re so relaxing, but there is a real build up to Lord Of The Rings. It gets so dark at one point, and horrific, but there’s a calm and a peace to reading it. And the way Tolkien writes, you’re just thinking about the greenery and the trees and the rivers and all of those things, and so it’s a real relaxing read for as much as it ramps up. I have a hard time watching TV. I feel really trapped when I’m watching it so I tend not to watch it at all, which is interesting about having a TV show. I bring a different perspective when I’m giving notes because I don’t watch a lot of TV. And more or less the only TV I watch is edits of Umbrella Academy. But every once in a while, Lindsey will rope me into a show that she feels like I absolutely have to watch, and she did that with Breaking Bad, and I’m really grateful she did. She literally rewatched the whole thing with me, made me watch it, and it’s still one of the best I’ve ever seen. And then she got me into Cobra Kai, have you seen that?

D: No, is it good?

G: I think it’s really good, yeah. Especially the first season is really amazing.

D: I had huge doubts about if that would be good at all.

G: Yeah, watch the first season and one of the things that actually helped hook me into the show is the episodes are a half hour, so it was really cool. I didn’t feel as much of a prisoner of the television when I was watching them, because you can watch a half hour and be done.

D: But books don’t make you feel that way? They expand.

G: Books are my favorite thing, yeah. Books are- you know how a lot of people will use a television to kind of tune out and shut off and relax? I use books to do that, so there’s piles of books next to my bed.

D: Thanks so much for sitting down. It’s been so good to talk to you.

G: You too! It’s been a long time. I miss you.

[medea10]

My Review of Magical Girl Site

How did I get into this anime? I…huh…Good question! I don’t recall. Probably some other anime reviewers mentioned it and I put it on the Amazon/Netflix list hoping I won’t have to watch it any time soon. Two years later and here we are!

Aya Asagiri’s life is a living hell. She is constantly bullied at school and no one does a thing to stop it. Her teachers don’t care about her well-being. Her father barely notices she exists. And to top it off, her brother beats the crap out of her just for him to relieve stress! Is it any wonder that she wants to commit suicide? One night, her computer mysteriously turns on to a website, promoting Aya to become a magical girl. She brushed it off and thought nothing of it…

That is until the next morning when she finds a note and a gun in her shoe locker. After being tortured by her bullies and almost raped, she finds herself at the end of her ropes and pulls out the mysterious gun. When she pulled the trigger, her bullies disappeared. Turns out, the targets are transported to another place. In the case of some of her bullies, they were transported to in front of a moving train.

Karma, bitches!

It’s unknown why Aya was specifically chosen to become a magical girl, but fellow magical girl Yatsumura feels she could use Aya’s magic to combat a looming threat to other magical girls. But they must not overuse their magic, otherwise they will die.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As of this moment, this anime seems to be in the capable hands of Amazon Prime. And we all know how well they treat animes, right?! Hahaha! Funny! Anyways, don’t expect a dub! The cast seems to be comprised of many female seiyuus I’m not particularly familiar with. I mean with the exception of Aina Suzuki, I hear her sounds every day thanks to the Love Live game apps! Add to that the creepy, raspy voice of Frieza playing the site administrator! One voice actor however I heard the second he let out a creepy, hygena-like laugh, I knew exactly who this crazy bastard was! Nobuhiko Okamoto plays a great psychopath. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Aya is played by Yuuko Oono

*Yatsumura is played by Himika Akaneya

*Sarina is played by Haruka Yamazaki (known for Ruka on Hayate the Combat Butler, Mero on Monster Musume, Aika on High School DxD, and Natsumi on Danganronpa 3)

*Nijimi is played by Yuu Serizawa (known for Shera on How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)

*Shioi is played by Aina Suzuki (known for Mari on Love Live Sunshine)

AUTOMATICLY THROWN ON DISLIKED LIST: Okay children, who automatically ends up on my hate list for life?

Fuckers who commit rape and fuckers who kill animals for fun!

Damn right! Give this anime some credit for not showing Aya’s bullies throwing a cat in front of a moving train. If this were 10 years ago, they probably would have animated it and I would have been puking afterward. I’m not sure which of Aya’s bullies threw a cat in front of a moving train, but for the time being, I’m throwing them all on the list.

And while I’m here, Sarina! She was like the ring-leader in the bullying of Aya. I’m almost certain she’s the bitch that killed the stray cat but I have no proof of that. With my history with horrible people like that, I have no sympathy for bullies in the slightest and feel she got what was coming to her. Bitch, you got that big, ugly scar on your neck for a reason. You got what was coming!

DEFINITELY BELONGS IN DISLIKE HISTORY: Now that I got the usual gripe off my chest, gotta add Aya’s onii-chan, Kaname! Sweet merciful crap, do I love hearing Nobuhiko Okamoto play a psychopath, but this is going way too far. And Kaname is just irredeemable! He has this complex that makes him think he’s on God-tier and everyone else is beneth him. Now I do have to hate Kaname and Aya’s father for placing this kind of pressure on Kaname and beating the shit out of him if he gets bad grades. But good fuck, this guy just pushes past the line of no return when he tries to manipulate little girls, steal their power, and lose control. And this wasn’t like he had no control over his own body and wants to stop this from happening! Kaname meant every thing he did to his sister and her friends. OH…and that one guy he forced to off himself! I just can’t even with this guy!

SHIPPING: I know a lot of people ship the hell out of Aya and Yatsumura and yeah, I can see that and I would ship them too. But for reals, I just want these two girls to live a life of peace together for as long as they’re around. For fuck’s sake, did you see the shit they put up with in their lives? Aya was bullied relentlessly at home and school. Yatsumura watched her whole family be slaughtered by a creep. These girls deserve some sort of peace! I know this is the shipping category, but I felt the need to say this.

STICKS: Okay anime, what are you doing? Aya uses a magical gun! Sarina uses a magical yo-yo! Nijimi uses magical panties (insert immature laugh here)! Yatsumura uses a magical remote! How hard is it to have them say that! And I probably shouldn’t put blame on the anime and holler at the manga! But calling magical items “Sticks”, that feels…I don’t want to say stupid, but I can’t think of any other word to go along with that. I just feel like the manga was on some deadline and they were frantically finishing what to call their magical items and just went “FUCK IT, IT’S STICKS”.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME: In the “Could have fooled me” category we have a boy who identifies as a girl magical girl! Man, 2018 definitely was the progressive AF year! I mean, we had Lily from Zombieland Saga, we had the girls who transformed into magical buff men in Magical Girl Ore, and now THIS! So we have Kiyo! An openly transgendered magical girl that’s not a token joke! Okay, well done guys! Pearl points all around!

ENDING: Early in the series, we learned about a moment called “The Tempest”. A catastrophic even set to take place once enough negative energy is caught. There are a lot of Magical Girl Site administrators that take advantage of “POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS”. They pick the most unfortunate girls as pawns in their game. And once “The Tempest” hits, everyone will die and the world will start over anew. Aya and Yatsumura end up meeting new magical girl allies and even a few that were coersed by different administrators. Not to mention one of Aya’s bullies is a magical girl too with a score to settle! What could be worse?

How about we add Aya’s disgusting brother to this mix?! As I’ve mentioned before, Aya’s brother Kaname would use Aya as a personal punching bag in order to get rid of stress. When Aya became a magical girl, she would spend more time with Yatsumura or the other girls, leaving Kaname to go without slugging his sister. So fuckface over here manipulates another magical girl, Nijimi to do what he says. This leads to him stealing Nijimi’s underwear and gaining her magical power of mind control. I never thought I would have to say a sentence like that, but here we are.

Kaname went out of control with this power as he managed to injure all of the girls and give a fatal blow to Nijimi. But another possible enemy dropped a bomb on us when they kidnapped Kaname. THEN, these girls are targeted at Nijimi’s funeral and they almost died. Add another plot-twist, a police officer that’s been seen from time to time in a lot of the tragedies in the show is in cahoots with one of the magical girl site administrators. This keeps getting fuckier by the minute! Well, the girls felt it was time to take action and try to take out the administrators that screwed them with this doomed fate. But once they took out one of the administrators, they came across an ugly truth.

Sight administrators are magical girls who died previously!

Yeah, not that big of a shock! Madoka Magica gave us magical girls who end up so corrupt that they become witches they’re supposed to fight. While some of the administrators ended up falling to these girls, Nana (the creepy one we’ve been watching since ep 1) is the hardest one to take out. She ends up killing Yatsumura (because she used up too much of her power), but then manipulates her to become an administrator.

Once she manipulated Yatsumura, she ends up going after Aya. And after a lot of back-and-forth between the two girls, Yatsumura was able to snap out of Nana’s control and they managed to take out Nana. And we end the series with a brighter future for Aya and Yatsumura as their lives become a little less unfortunate.

Yeah, few issues here!

1.) There are still a butt-load of site administrators. Isn’t there still a “Tempest” going to happen? 2.) Aya and Yatsumura’s lives aren’t in danger anymore after using fuck-tons of their power? WTF?! 3.) What was the point of Aya shooting herself to get Yatsumura back? I am not following you. Is this some sort of Insception shit?! 4.) That detective! Misumi was his name? Why was he just casually talking to Nana a few episodes back? 5.) Why don’t we see him until the final few moments in the finale? 6.) WHY DID HE RAPE KANAME?! 7.) WHY WAS THIS SCENE A THING? 8.) I don’t want to say Kaname deserved it, buuuuuut… Uuuggghhh…Mumble, mumble. I can’t finish that thought. 9.) These site administrators are probably pissed and are going to want revenge on these magical girls. What’s going on here?

…Let me guess, I need to read the manga to get all my questions answered…

FUCKING FIGURES!

Seriously...what Misumi did. That scene is forever etched in my brain forever. Next to that scene of Kaname wiggling his junk in front of a guy.

This anime was pretty bad. No wait...

This anime was way too edgy for me! Episode 1 was just absolute torture porn involving Aya. The first episode managed to combine the bully scene in Vivid Strike, the puppy killing scene in Elfen Lied, and every bullying episode of Hell Girl all into one single episode. As for the rest of this series, they go above and beyond to grab some of the worst aspects of other animes and implement them here. Aya’s older brother almost has a God-complex that rivals that of Light Yagami of Death Note. Nijimi has a devoted fan that’s almost crossing over from the movie Perfect Blue. Body mutilation scenes on levels not seen since Higurashi! And fill this world up with the worst kinds of humans imaginable like in Elfen Lied! This was just too much hatred! Too much!

Add to that, there’s absolutely no resolution to this story. Yes, Aya and Yatsumura are alive and together. But guys, there are still some other-worldly strong site administrators looming! Tempest is still happening. KANAME IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE…literally and figuratively speaking! And with how much this anime has been panned by anime fans across the board, I doubt if this anime will ever receive a sequel. Guys, if you want a really good 12-episode anime about magical girls with an edge, just watch Madoka Magica. But if you’re a curious idiot like me, whatever, you do you!

As this anime is an Amazon Prime exclusive, I’m afraid that’s the only legal outlet for this.

Now that this is over, my next Amazon/Netflix/Crunchyroll anime is…

Grand Blue!

Oh, it’s set in a cute ocean town. Am I going to enjoy some cute absurdity like I did with Tsuritama?

Sort of!

OH GOOD FUCK, WHAT FRAT HOUSE WAS THIS BIRTHED FROM?!

[truckstop-sushi-blog]

Bow-Ties and Pig Skins (Adam Driver x Reader Fic)

CONTENT WARNING: homophobia, bullying, sexual themes, dated slang, sexual scenes, vulgar language, dubcon

18+ CONTENT

You were daydreaming in physics today, again for the third time this week. It was 9:53 am and you were tired out of your mind, shivering despite the denim jacket your dad had gotten you the week before. It was like an ice box in that room.

As you rested your head on your fist, elbow connected to the textbook below, you thought of that devilishly attractive jock who had been giving you hell . You figured that since you were both adults in college, at least one or more of you would act with more maturity. 

No. 

Yesterday, he shoved you into your locker and shut the door. Today, he shoved you on your way to class making you spill your books everywhere. The thought pissed you off, but those eyes-- those damn hard brown eyes. They just made you stick to the floor and go mute. Everyone thought you were afraid and ridiculed you, but truth be told, that jock was the hottest goddamn hunk of muscle you had ever laid your bespectacled eyes upon. You thought you might want to continue the daydream, but--

“(Y/n)? Mister (y/n),” said the teacher up front, “Are you listening? I just called on you to answer a question. A question, might I add, that will be on your quiz at the end of the week.”

“O-Oh, sorry,” you said, startled out of your trance, “I-I um... I just... don’t feel terribly well. I’ll answer now. What was the question again, ma’am?”

The teacher sighed and asked the question again, following with a warning that another instance such as this one would result in points being taken away from the daily grade. Snickers rang out quietly in the room like the pitter patter of rain drops.You felt your cheeks redden but you decided to ignore your peers. You cleared your throat and answered the question, getting it right as you pretty much always do. You were a science major, so you were putting a lot of extra effort into studying for your science courses. Once the class was over, you filed out of the room behind a string of other people. As luck would have it, you didn’t have any more classes that day. They had been cancelled for the final football game of the season, and the professors happened to have sons on the team. You thought football was a rather frivolous sport and a waste of time, but your good friend William managed to convince you to go, at least to support the marching band. This was going to be a very big game for the band, as well. And, according to William, there was going to be an afterparty at the ΛΧΑ house when the game ended.

You were hesitant, but William convinced you to go to both the game and the afterparty, William having reported that Betty Adcock was going to be there and he needed a wingman. You didn’t put much stock in girls, mostly due to the fact you’ve never been attracted to them, but you decided to go anyway. The hope that the handsome jock would be there weighed heavily on your mind.

You went back to your dorm, hiding an embarrassment between your legs the whole way there, trying to avoid interacting with other people. Your roommate wasn’t anywhere to be found, and you assumed he must’ve been in class. You decided to take care of the problem you found yourself with, quickly though because you knew the assholes who lived here came in and out as they pleased, especially since the lock was broken on your door. After, you cleaned your mess, you got a new change of clothes on and you fell onto your bed asleep.

You were jolted awake by William tugging on your arm and shouting at you to wake up.

“(Y/n)! Wake up, (y/n)!” he repeats over and over again before seeing you’re awake, “Come on, the game starts in 2 hours, and I gotta be there in one!”

“The field is literally a ten minute walk from here, William.” you groaned, trying to stuff your face back into your pillow.

“Okay, and if you’re not early, you’re late.” he retorted.

You bit your lip, frustrated, and sigh. “Fine. But at least take me to get a burger or something.”

“You got it. I’ll just shove you into my car and we’ll pop on by the diner before we go to the field.”

“Sounds good. Will I need to pay you back?”

“Not at all, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks.”

“Much obliged.”

You hopped up, slipping on your shoes and following your friend out of the dorm complex and into his cherry red Nomad. The musical stylings of Elvis poured into your ears like warm milk into a kitty dish from the radio. You hummed and tapped your fingers along to the beat. You were both at the diner in a flash. It wasn’t packed like it usually is on game day, which came as a surprise since it was such a hotspot in that rinky dink little college town you lived in. It was nice, though, since you were rather anxious about social situations. William parked and cut the engine off before getting out with you following suit. There were a few girls in the diner and a couple of greasers in the back smoking cigarettes. The smoke smelled a bit dubious, but you ignored it. It wasn’t the most frightening smell you’d ever had tickle your nose.

You and William sat down at the counter, William giving the lady who worked behind it a quick wink. She smiled politely, but I could tell as soon as she turned around she had rolled her eyes. You could tell by the way she sighed--you understood her pain to some extent. You elbowed William sharply.

“Ow! What the hell, man?!” he whispered under his breath through gritted teeth.

“You really shouldn’t be flirting with every girl you see. Just because they’re nice to you doesn’t mean they like you. She probably deals with creeps every day.” 

“What’s it to you? I’m just trying to get good-”

“Yeah and not every girl you meet is target practice, asshole.”

William looked at you with lips pressed into a thin line before looking at the menu on the wall.

“Just fuckin’ order something.” he grumbled. You could tell he knew you were right but was too full of himself to admit it.

You perused the menu before settling on a cheeseburger, fries, and a strawberry malt. William chose a chicken fried steak, potatoes, and a bottle of coke. You gave your order to the woman working and she took it, giving it to the cook in the window. You both sat there in silence, barely looking at each other. William got his coke first, you got your malt shortly thereafter.

You both didn’t say a word to each other, even after you got your food and ate it. You both paid, left, and got into the car.

After a bit of tense silence, William spoke, apologising for his behaviour and admitting you were right he was being creepy. After that, it was like nothing had happened. You both started talking about anything and everything under the sun, but then while you were in the middle of complaining about the asshole jock who has been giving you problems, William interrupted you.

“You know... the way you talk about him,” he said, “It sounds an awful lot about how I would talk about a girl who used to annoy the hell out of me that I happened to have a major crush on.”

“Joan?”

“Yeah, her.”

“What’re you playing at?” you asked, feeling your stomach tighten in fear.

“I’m just saying,” he said, dropping his voice down to a whisper, “Are you a...you know..?”

“No, I don’t know.” You said, giving a nervous chuckle.

“A...A...” he said, trying to grasp the words, “A...you know, a- a homosexual.”

He whispered the last word in your direction tentatively even though it was just you and him in the car. He parked in front of the football field and killed the engine. You stared at him.

“I...I’m not--”

“Listen, I’m okay with it, you don’t have to act like I’m going to turn you in to the police or anything,” he said.

“Well I kind of have to be that way around everyone. Last time I checked, this is 1955 and being a homosexual is illegal.”

“Yeah, well black folks using the same restrooms as white folks is illegal, too, and that isn’t right either. Law isn’t the pillar of morality.”

“Just don’t let anyone outside of this car hear that.” you laughed.

You two both shared a laugh for a good minute before falling silent. William looked at you with a friendly smile.

“I hope that we both live long enough to see the day people can live together in peace without givin’ a shit about who loves who or who has what skin colour.” he remarked before putting his hand on the door handle and getting out, “Now, come on, I’ve got a few minutes before I have to be in the stands.”

You followed him out, paying the ticket master the fee for the game and then parting ways with your friend. You sat at the front of the bleachers, overlooking the freshly mown and painted grass. The cheerleaders from both teams were already on the grass and practicing their routines, and you could hear the other school’s band rehearsing. The football team was also on the grass, presumably going over plays and runs or whatever those silly meatheads talked about. Something to do with pig skins, you knew that much. As the sky turned from blue to an array of farewell hues, more people filed into the bleachers, talking loudly and making you very nervous. You wanted to escape into the restrooms, but you knew that wouldn’t be the most splendid idea given the last time you did that, you got a new hairstyle courtesy of a player’s hand and the flushing toilet.

Even as the game began and progressed, you found yourself sucked in even though you didn’t understand a single thing about football. Your chest swelled with pride every time your college’s team made a point, especially when that asshole was the one who made the touchdown. While catching a sneaky look at his ass, you noticed the name on the back of his jersey: “DRIVER.”

Driver. A fitting name for such an athletic guy. Even if he was the most attractive jerk you had ever met in your entire life. He gave you hell in high school, and he certainly didn’t cease in college.

After one particular touchdown, however, it appeared that he had seen you. His countenance wasn’t like that which you had been acquainted with several times before. It was actually friendly and loose, unlike his usual hard scowl he usually wore. It seemed like he looked straight into your soul, and you held your breath and blushed. Your face reddened deeper as he winked and blew a sly kiss your way.

No fucking way that just fucking happened. He must have had a girlfriend that sat directly behind you. Right? Right???

You didn’t dare to look, both frozen in your seat and by the crippling social anxiety. You stayed in this haze like this until halftime, making your way out of the field and back into your friend’s car. You said you’d come to support William in the band, but that gesture from that Driver fellow was too much for your little gay heart to handle.

You crawled into the backseat, laying across the cool leather seats, watching your breath come out in plumes in the freezing air. You hoped the game would end soon, and right in the middle of that thought, you fell asleep. It felt like you were awake in a snap because William had apparently found you there, shaking you awake like he had earlier that day.

“You okay, man?” he asked once he realised you were awake.

“Yeah, it’s just... something happened and I needed to come out here to think. I guess I fell asleep before I could really finish thinking.” you said, sitting up and rubbing your face, “Did we win?”

“Oh, not by a fucking longshot. But hey, that means better alcohol at the party.” he answered.

“I guess. But alcohol has never really been my thing.” you said.

“True. More for the rest of us.”

You agreed as you sat back in your seat and waited to be carted away to the frat party. As soon as you both arrived there, there were people all over the lawn, some sucking each others faces off, others sucking other things off, and music pouring out of every possible orifice that the house possessed. It was loud, it was proud, and it had a big crowd. Everything you hated, but dammit, if Driver was here, it would be worth the anxiety.

You and William made your way inside, you especially braving the sounds and smells of it all.

You almost instantly became too overwhelmed for your own good, immediately running to the first bathroom you could get into. Luckily, there wasn’t anyone in there before you, so you just shut the light off and hid in the tub, closing the curtain and hiding. You prayed nobody would follow you, but someone did, flicking the light on and locking the door.

Oh, shit.

The person’s heavy footsteps and sultry breathing gave their identity away immediately. It was the asshole jock. The outrageously attractive Driver. He began whistling to himself before stopping by the toilet, acting like he was going to use it before turning to the tub and furiously pushing the curtain to the side. He saw you, eyes wide in terror, cheeks red in arousal and embarrassment. You barely got two words out before his glare choked you and that grin--that fucking grin--made it impossible for you to function.

“So,” he said, picking you up by the back of your collar, leading you out of the tub and pressing your back against the bathroom door. It came naturally to you, following him, almost as naturally as you were already twitching in your pants for him, “Do you know what happens to geeks who hide away in the parking lot after becoming too flustered to function?”

“How do you--”

“And do you know what happens when they have the balls to show up to your frat party uninvited, only to hide away in the bathroom?” his voice was deep, his words were dark and cutting. It drove you mad with lust and fear.

“W-W-What happens?” you piped up tentatively, your breathing laboured and heavy.

He pressed up against you, making you let out a whiney moan. God, how you wished he would just bend you over the sink and fuck you into oblivion.

“Oh, so you’re a squealer? I like that.” he said, leaning to whisper into your ear, “I like that a lot. It drives me fucking insane.”

“I-I can do more.” you said, your lips parted in anticipation. You licked them and gulped nervously.

He pulled away from your ear, looking at your moist lips with a deep hunger and closing the gap between you two, kissing you with such ferocity, it would make even the devil gasp in disbelief. You whined against his fevered lips, silently begging for release. You could feel his own length cry out against his own pants.

After what felt like eternity, he pulled away, still making fervent eye contact with you.

“We both want it,” he said, “But do you want me to take it?”

“Take wha--” you stopped yourself before realising what it was he wanted to take from you, and then answered with: “Yes. God in heaven above, yes.”

He undid his own pants, freeing his own impressive erection first. You stared at it in its pale, lurid glory. The tip was quite a furious pink, one that begged quietly for pleasure. After that, he undid your pants, dropping them to the floor while your own erection stood in wait for its own release. Yours appeared to be less a passionate pink than his. He’d apparently been craving this longer than you have.

“W-Wait,” you said as he bent you over the sink’s edge, “What’s your name?”

He groaned, having rested his feverish dick on your ass, “Adam.”

“I-I’m (y/n).”

“Nice name. Nicer ass.”

“Th-Thanks--oh god!” you cried out and then bit your lip as he shoved himself into you without so much as a warning.

He pumped into you, slowly at first but picking up the pace at which he thrusted into you. Your mind clouded with pleasure, lust, passion, and everything that followed being fucked into oblivion by the hottest guy in probably all of existence. You hoped it would never end, but the knot in your stomach made you realise just how close you were to climaxing.

“Oh, I-I’m gonna...I’m gonna...” you whined.

“Not before I do.” Adam said, his voice husky, reaching around to clamp a thumb and a finger around the base of your throbbing dick. The pain that followed the denial was so excruciating, so enthralling--it was impossibly good.

“P-Please,” you begged, “Please, l-let me--”

“N-Not until after I do.” he insisted.

He started drilling into you, his hips clapping rhythmically against your ass. The pain and pleasure mixing together like hot honey and sugar made your brain cells explode like fire works. You started weeping, begging for climax, dick twitching in an effort to find some sort of relief.

It wasn’t long before you felt him empty his load into you. It was so hot and made you feel so full--some of it leaked out of your ass and onto the floor. He loosened his grip and wrapped his whole hand around your pleading member.

“Now you can. But only at my say-so.” he said.

You whined and moaned as he touched you, gliding his surprisingly smooth hands up and down your shaft. He was going slowly, teasing you.

“Please, please let me cum, Adam.” you begged, “Please.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you.” he said, “You’re going to have to talk a little louder.”

You could hear the grin in his voice. If you weren’t so weak right now, you’d want to smack the daylights out of him. But all you could do was beg. He had you right where he wanted you.

“Come on, (y/n),” he teased, “You can do so much better than that. I’ve heard you in the showers in the dorms before. Such an adorable little voice you have when you’re screaming my name when you think no one else is around.”

You blushed madly at the thought that he had heard you masturbating to the thought of him. It also turned you on a hell of a lot more, especially since he thought it was cute.

“I’m not hearing anything, (y/n).” he said, “Come on. I know you’ve got it in you.”

You gulped and let out a shaky breath. “P-Please let me c-cum, Adam.”

“Better,” he said, gaining a little speed, “But not loud enough. Try again.”

“Please, Adam! Please!” you said, borderline shouting.

He picked up the pace. You could feel yourself teetering right on the edge of pleasure.

“Please, for the love of god, please let me cum!” you begged, to which Adam picked up the pace one final time before finally allowing you to have your very messy release.

Your mind was hazy, and your dick was content with your climax. As your heart thrummed wildly in your chest, hammering away, Adam got you both cleaned up, cleaned up the bathroom, and then led you to the door. Before he unlocked it to turn you loose to the party, he grabbed you softly, but sternly by the neck and looked you in the eyes before whispering to you,

“You’re mine, (y/n).” 

This statement made you quiver, even worse when he kissed you a final time.

“Now have a good time at the party. If anyone gives you trouble...I’ll give them a taste of hell.”

THANKS FOR READING! Hooboy that was *fans self* lord have mercy...

[supercasey]

Keep Your Promise

Description: Nodad/Twins AU. The story of how the Mystery Lady escaped her abuser, and eventually kept her promise to Skout.

A/N: Based heavily on bl00w1tch’s Nodad AU, my Twin AU, and signomad’s fanart of the Twin AU! Check us all out on Tumblr! If anyone can come up with a better description, please let me know because this description fucking sucks. Thanks for reading!

A lone woman hurries quietly through the shrouded desert, sweat dripping down the back of her neck and dampening her nightshirt. She has to keep going. Behind her, she can hear the quiet chitter of little creatures on her heels, following her, keeping her running until she’s out of breath. They think that this is just another night, but she’ll prove them wrong. She’s not going back, not ever again. She can’t. Wrapped up in a ragged, dusty green blanket, a little girl lies dormant in the runaway’s arms, her soft snores enough to encourage the woman to keep moving forward.

Pausing on top of a sand dune to catch her breath- a dangerous move, she knows, but these Critters aren’t made to capture. They’re made to track- the runaway gives her child a tentative rock, trying to sooth the toddler into an even deeper sleep. “Easy, my little Skout,” The woman whispers, pressing a tentative kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “It’ll be okay… we’re going to make it this time. I promise.” Last time… well, the woman would rather not think about it too much. She still bears the bruises on her left shoulder.

Behind her, one of the Critters- a tumbleweed, it’s body bristly and cracking- gives the young mother a curious look, as if expecting her to finally give up on this game of cat and mouse. The woman gives the Critter a harsh glare, attempting to hide her anxiety with aggression. “Go on,” She murmurs, daring the little thing to do something. Anything. “Go ahead and get your master… see if it stops me from runnin’ away. You and I both know that I’ll git outta here eventually.”

The tumbleweed visibly saddens, and it fills the woman with guilt. At one time, she called these helpless little Critters her ‘friends’- some days, they were all that got her through the day. But after she started trying to run away with the kids… the runaway shudders, biting her bottom lip to muffle a sob at the silent mention of her young son. She couldn’t risk it though, not again. That alone is the reason she knows she will succeed this time- magic attracts magic, and the Nomad had simply followed the energy of his son to catch her last time. So she left him- she took her only magic-less child and ran, abandoning little Hunter in his crib to cry in silence for his mother and sister.

A new determination filling her heart, the runaway straightens, giving the tumbleweed Critter an sympathetic glance. “I know that this ain’t yer fault, darlin’… but please, go home,” She begs, her voice a quiet whisper- though it sounds deafening to her this late at night, when there’s no one around. No one but her and the Critters. “I ain’t goin’ back this time… I’m sorry, friend.”

The Critter stares at the woman- unblinking, unfeeling, as if it doesn’t even hold artificial life in its body- before it finally turns away, sharing the woman’s will to escape. Slowly, it rolls away, and with it’s departure the woman breathes a sigh of relief. Okay, that makes things easier… without a tracker, she can get farther. But she still has a long way to go. Hiking up her backpack, the woman presses a reassuring kiss to her daughter’s cheek and continues on, leaving no sign of her presence in her wake. The Nomad can scour the whole desert, but she won’t let him catch her. Not ever again.

“Annabeth… Driller?”

The runaway- Annabeth- glances up from where she’s been cuddling her baby, taking a moment to give the conductor a weary smile. “Yes, that’d be me,” She says, trying and failing to hide the fatigue from her voice. She hasn’t slept all night. “Somethin’ the matter?”

“We’re boarding soon,” The conductor explains, before pausing, giving the woman and her baby a curious onceover. “Don’t got many folk with last names ‘round here- you local?”

“Not anymore.” Anna states, standing to her full- though rather unimpressive- height, her backpack hanging from only one shoulder while she focuses on keeping her grip on Skout.

“Oof, sounds bad,” The conductor admits, giving Anna a tentative smile- he’s trying to be sympathetic. Anna wouldn’t be surprised if he’s seen more than a few runaway mothers in his time as a train conductor. “He a real jerk?”

“The absolute worst,” Anna confirms, hurrying past the man to board her train. “You take care now, sir.”

“You too, miss. And goodbye to you too, little one!” The conductor says, taking a moment to grin at Skout. It’s hard for strangers not to coo over the sleeping toddler- it’s all of that long, red hair, just like her mother’s.

The train takes off not long after, and Anna treats herself to a seat at the back of the train, away from everyone’s prying eyes. There, she lays Skout down on the seat next to her, keeping a tender hand on her daughter’s head. Skout’s about four and a half now, yet the girl keeps quiet for the most part. Anna sees it as a mixed blessing usually, but right now it’s 100% a blessing- she doesn’t need her sweet little girl to be attracting too much attention right now. Besides, Skout’s used to this. Sure, Anna’s never gotten this far with her before, but she doubts that her baby understands that. She probably thinks her Daddy’s gonna bust in at any moment and take her and Mama home.

Anna sighs longingly at the thought, though she tries to keep her conflicting emotions at bay. Try as she might, Anna can’t help but think back on her golden days with Benjamin. They had once been much happier- at least, Ben made her believe they were. Benjamin had found her in a nearby town to his secluded forest, and he had frequented her family’s oil mill for resources on a daily basis. Ma and Pa had hated him, warning their daughter that magic would only bring trouble, but Annabeth… she had been blown away by the stranger. He had been exotic to her and the townsfolk- tall, strong, wise in ways that none of the coal miners or oil drillers ever could be, all dressed up in hooded and concealing clothing that had only continued to interest the young lady.

Benjamin- he had preferred Benny or Ben back then- had obviously been aware of her schoolyard crush, and he had toyed endlessly with her as a result, making time for her during his visits to town to tell her all sorts of stories, filled to the brim with his exploits as a wizard on the run. His magic had only further cemented Anna’s affections, his tricks playful yet intriguing. On Anna’s 18th birthday, Ben had made all the tools on her family’s farm dance for her. Pa had been furious, but a young Annabeth had been swept off her feet, and Ben damn well knew it. Soon after that, he had offered to marry her, promising Anna a life far superior to mining oil and coal for the rest of her days. Of course she said yes.

Annabeth had ran away with him, escaping her constricting family to live a happy and free life in the wilderness with her true love… but fate had other plans. He got her pregnant within a few weeks of their ‘marriage’, and while Anna had been over the moon, Benjamin had been… brooding. He had been clinical with his movements and mannerisms, running his hands over her slowly bulging belly at every opportunity, his hands glowing at times. This had frightened Anna to some extent, but when she had questioned him about it, Ben had waved it off as him putting protection spells on the baby… or babies, as they found out months later. With no access to a doctor, Anna had been forced to give birth in the cabin, her only assistance being Benjamin’s Critters petting her hair and stomach through the ordeal, with Benjamin at the foot of the bed, caring for the babies as they arrived.

She gave birth to twins- one boy and one girl. The girl had been first, and an hour later her brother had joined her in this brave new world. It had been Anna’s idea to name them Skout and Hunter, something Benjamin had simply shrugged at. “Whatever ya come up with I'll love, honey,” He had said, when Anna asked why he didn’t want to help name them. “Anythin’ fer my sweetheart.” Back then, that had comforted her, but now...

The sound of Skout’s whimpering is what breaks Annabeth out of her reminiscing, reminding her of why she’s here and not there, trapped in that claustrophobic little cabin. Slowly, Skout sits up, and greets her mother with a sleepy smile. “Mama!” The little girl coos, eyes glistening in the early morning sunlight.

“Good morning, dear,” Anna says, reaching out and placing Skout on her lap. Absentmindedly, she runs her fingers through Skout’s hair, attempting to rid the girl of any tangles. “How’d you sleep, baby?”

Skout grimaces, burying her face in her mother’s shoulder. “Not good,” She admits, pulling back to give Anna a frightened look. “Where’s Daddy?”

Anna sighs, readying herself for what’s about to come. “”Daddy’s… not here right now. He’s on vacation with Hunter,” She lies, figuring that this is better than telling her daughter the truth- Skout doesn’t need to know who her Daddy really is this young. Nearby, an older woman gives Anna and Skout a sympathetic smile, the lady attempting to give the mother moral support. “And we’re going on our own vacation, too. Somewhere far away.” Anna adds, hoping this will be enough to comfort her daughter.

It doesn’t work at all. “But why? Where’s Daddy? Where’s buba?”

Anna tries to will away the urge to cry, but tears are running down her cheeks before she can stop them. “Because we need a break, baby girl. I know that this is confusing and scary, but you gotta be strong. Be strong for Mama.”

Skout just sobs bitterly, the other train passengers looking away out of embarrassment, not wanting to stare at the clearly upset toddler. “I wan’ Daddy!” She wails, collapsing against her mother’s chest.

Annabeth just holds her close, allowing herself to cry with her daughter. She wants to give Skout what she wants- what she needs- but it’s too dangerous… Benjamin is too dangerous. This is her only chance of survival… Anna just prays that someday, somehow, Skout will understand. For now, she’ll settle for Skout hating her.

It takes some time, but eventually, Annabeth feels like she’s successfully escaped.

Skout’s just turned five years old now- she’s always running, always exploring the area. She’s not yet used to the lack of vegetation, but Anna knows that those memories will slip away eventually, and with their passing will come security in her new home. She still asks about Daddy sometimes, but mostly she just seems to miss Hunter. Everytime it comes up, it absolutely devastates the young mother, but she knows that it can’t be helped. Even if Benjamin somehow couldn’t put a tracking spell on Hunter, the boy would still be a target- his magic is potent, and without a teacher, he could very easily lose control and accidentally hurt someone.

As much as it pains Anna, she knows that this was the right path to take, and despite all her worries… this place is good. She now lives in a small oil drilling town- one that’s very similar to her childhood home. It’s cozy here, and the townsfolk don’t ask too many questions. Even when they do, Anna always gives them the same response: “We’re on vacation.” It’s vague enough to not reveal many details, but it’s enough to clue everyone into the idea that they really shouldn’t ask anymore questions. Besides, Skout likes it here, and that alone is enough to make Anna feel like she’s finally free of her old life.

Of course, it’s around this time that Benjamin decides to show up.

He arrives in the late afternoon, the low crowing of birds acting as an ensemble for the dangerous nomad. Anna’s sitting on the porch when she catches sight of him, the man’s tall, wiry frame barely able to be seen in the horizon, but Anna knows right away that it’s him- the energy surrounding him is too volatile to ignore. Slowly, Anna stands from her rocking chair, trying to hide her frantic movements as she scans the area for Skout. She finds her a few feet away, playing with one of the stray dogs in the area. Anna whistles, and immediately Skout comes running, her grin contrasting with the tense atmosphere.

“Skout, sweet baby, please head inside,” Annabeth requests, already maneuvering her toddler into the house. “Go hide under Mama’s bed, ya hear?”

Skout gives her mother a confused look, but otherwise doesn’t argue, dashing into the house to follow her mother’s instructions. With her daughter safe for the moment, Anna glares at the incoming wizard, refusing to break eye contact as the man draws closer. Soon enough, he’s upon her, the man dressed in his usual garb of a large, shrouded hat, a dark blue serape, long brown jeans, and a baby blue, long sleeved shirt. The Nomad stares Anna down, his mouth downturned in the corner to show how upset he is. Slowly, he reveals Hunter in his arms, the little boy wrapped up in the same baby blue blanket Anna knitted for him when he was born.

“Annabeth,” Benjamin says, his voice a deep drawl that sends shivers down Anna’s spine. At one time, she found his voice comforting- now it just fills her bones with an instinctual desire to run. “Wandered rather far from home, didn’t ya?” He doesn’t really sound mad, but he’s always been good at lying.

“This is my home now, Benny. You best git ‘fore I get the sheriff,” Anna threatens, attempting to hold her ground. “I thought I made it clear that I wasn’t comin’ back… obviously ya didn’t listen.”

“Didn’t listen?” Benjamin repeats, thoroughly unimpressed with the short woman’s tough girl routine. “Baby, yer the one who ain’t ever listened. Didn’t I tells ya that nobody outruns the Nomad of Nowhere?”

Anna swallows, shifting her weight somewhat. She honestly didn’t expect Ben to follow her out this far, not when he’s been so careful to keep a low profile these last few decades. “I… I ain’t scared ‘a ya.” She finally manages to say, tears building up in her eyes. She tries to will them away, but it’s no use.

Benjamin’s stance softens, his frown turning sympathetic. It’s enough to make Anna wonder- at least for a moment- if he really loves her. However, it doesn’t last, and without invitation, Ben climbs onto the porch, unwrapping Hunter and settling the toddler on his hip. “I don’t want you ta be scared ‘a me, baby,” Ben whispers, voice low and gentle. He’s trying to win her back. “It ain’t gonna be like last time, I promise. Lookit ‘lil Hunter ‘ere-” He holds out the boy to Anna, evidence of crying on the child’s face. “-He’s been crying fer days, wonderin’ where his mama and sissy went! Ya can’t leave us!” Okay, that last bit has to at least partially be a lie- Hunter’s never spoken a word and Benjamin damn well knows it.

Right now, Anna’s thankful for the fact that her house is farther away from anyone else’s- the last thing she needs is a crowd to watch the ‘domestic dispute’. “I’ve said it ‘fore and I’ll say it ‘gain- I ain’t goin’ back, Benny. I ain’t lettin’ you hurt me or my baby ever again.”

Benjamin stiffens, before sending a deathly glare Anna’s way, causing the redhead to shiver. “I ain’t ever laid no hands on my babies, you got dat?” He untenses somewhat, though his stance still appears hostile. “What, you gonna abandon yer son now? You gonna leave us ta fend fer ourselves?”

“Yes,” It comes out as a bit of a sob. Anna trembles, unable to keep the defiance in her eyes for much longer. “I ain’t goin’ back… I can’t.”

There’s a lengthy pause, before Benjamin steps forward, trying to hug Annabeth in an attempt to win her over, but Anna backs away, not allowing the nomad to win. “Git the Hell outta here, Benny,” She orders, voice hoarse and angry, her glance refusing to meet the milky white irises of either her son or ex-husband’s eyes. “Go on… I SAID GIT!” She shouts, taking a nearby broom and holding it as a weapon, her glare unforgiving.

Slowly, Benjamin backs off, climbing off of the porch. As one last attempt at winning her back, Ben maneuvers Hunter to look over his left shoulder, the tiny toddler staring sadly at his mother, an arm held out to her, his fist opening and closing expectantly. It’s enough to make the tears finally fall, but Annabeth holds her ground, refusing to yield. With no other way to court her back- and with magic being too dangerous to use when there are witnesses nearby- Benjamin finally decides to go, Hunter refusing to break eye contact with his mother as the duo leave. It’s only after they’re gone that Anna begins to sob, letting her fingers untense around the handle of the broom, until she finally lets go. It hits the porch with a clatter, but it’s not loud enough to wake Anna from her worst nightmare.

It’s only after she’s regained her composure that Anna dares to go back inside. She finds Skout under her bed, the girl looking as though she's been crying. “... That was Daddy, wasn’t it?” Skout asks, after giving her mother a long, heartbreaking stare.

Annabeth slowly nods, willing herself to not start crying all over again. “It was, sweetie.” She whispers, too afraid to speak any louder.

Skout breaks, sobbing as she launches herself out of her hiding place and into her mother’s arms, the girl’s thin frame shaking with every sob. Anna waits out the storm, scooping Skout up and laying down with her on the bed, humming under her breath between small kisses to her daughter’s forehead and cheeks. It takes awhile, but soon enough Skout settles down, her sobs decreasing to pitiful sniffles, though her grip on Anna doesn’t cease, not that Anna really wants it to. Carefully, Anna sits up, her back resting against the headboard of her bed as she readies herself for The Conversation. The one she’s been dreading for weeks.

“... Why’d you yell at Daddy?” Skout asks, once she’s sure that it’s safe. It breaks Anna’s heart that Skout might be afraid of her.

“‘Cus Daddy’s… Daddy’s not very nice.” Anna says, trying to find a way to explain this to Skout without traumatizing her in the process.

“So? Not everybody’s nice, Mama. Mister Donley next door’s a right piece a work, ain’t he? You says so!” Skout points out, and if it weren’t for the somber mood, Anna would laugh. It seems like Skout’s been listening better than Anna’s given her credit for.

Anna sighs, shaking her head. “It ain’t the same, baby girl,” She explains. She swallows, knowing now that there’s no way out of this conversation without telling Skout the truth. “Baby, Daddy ain’t safe. He… he hits, and you know how hittin’ ain’t allowed, right?” She waits until Skout nods in confirmation to continue. “Well, he does it a lot, and that’s really bad. He’s really bad. So we can’t go back.”

Skout still looks upset, but it’s only after she’s sure that Anna won’t go into more detail on her own that she speaks up. “But… what ‘bout buba? Why’s he stayin’ with Daddy?”

Anna bites back a sob at the reminder, trying to convince herself over and over again in her head that she was right to leave him behind… but with every passing day, it’s a less convincing argument. “‘Cus Hunter can’t come.” She states, hoping that will be enough.

She should know better than to expect Skout to take that answer at face value. “Why not?” Skout prods, not understanding her mother’s reasoning.

It takes everything in Anna not to snap at Skout- after all, this isn’t her daughter’s fault. “‘Cus Daddy won’t let him come,” She says, trying a somewhat different approach. “I’m sorry, baby, but there ain’t nothin’ we can do about it… but someday, somehow, you’ll be with Hunter again. You’ll find your buba.”

Skout sniffs, trying to will away her tears. “... You promise?” She asks, an agony in her voice that makes Anna’s heart ache with guilt.

Anna nods, kissing her daughter’s forehead. “I promise, my little Skout. I promise.”

Skout grows up. She grows up so goddamn fast, Anna wonders sometimes where the time went. After turning Benjamin away, the nomad obeyed her orders and left her alone, and for that Annabeth has always been grateful. Yes, some days she wishes to wake up in bed beside Benjamin and pretend that nothing bad ever happened, but with each passing year she’s more comforted by his absence. Never again will she be forced to watch him kill an innocent passerby for having stumbled into the briar, or endure anymore psychological manipulation at his hands. Finally… finally, she feels like she’s moved on.

Like she’s mentioned, Skout has grown up rather fast, the energetic redhead becoming her own woman as time passes her by. She stopped asking about Dad and Hunter after awhile, and nowadays… well, nowadays she’s been studying. The oil town doesn’t have a school, but Anna’s been sure to buy the girl as many books as she can afford. Skout’s already proven herself to be resourceful, if nothing else, learning how to read faster than any of the other kids in town. She reads obsessively, taking the time to piece together stories and ideas in her head, and has also proven herself to be the best repairman in town. Anna’s never been more proud.

It’s on a gloomy, almost somber day that Skout comes running through the door- her hair a mess, her shirt’s top button undone- startling Annabeth out of her daydreaming. “Ma! Ma, there’re soldiers in town!” Skout shouts excitedly- her wordplay makes it sound like there’s danger, but her eyes give away the teenager’s eagerness.

Anna blinks, taking a moment to dry her hands off with a dish towel- she had been doing laundry when her daughter came in. Slowly, she stands from her formerly crouched position, giving her child a worried glance. “Soldiers? What you mean, darlin’?”

Skout closes the door behind her, grinning from ear to ear at her mother. “They’re called ‘Dandy Lions’!” She explains, handing a flyer to her mother. On it, there’s an advertisement to join a far away town named Oasis’ royal guard. “And they’re in town lookin’ fer bright eyed pupils and soldiers! Mama, I could finally go to school somewhere! They’ve got opportunities for people like me! Sure, I’ll start out as a spittoon girl, but I can work my way up! Oh, Ma, I’m so excited!”

Anna’s hardly listening, as her eyes have found themselves glued to the flyer. Oasis… on the tiny map painted into the flyer’s corner, Anna can see that the town isn’t far from the Briar, and if that’s the case… It’s far too dangerous. Yes, she’s recently promised Skout that she can go away for schooling if the opportunity arises, but this… this can’t be the one. “I’m sorry, baby, but no. You can’t go. It’s… it’s too close to Daddy.”

She hasn’t brought up Dad in a long time, and the look on Skout’s face shows that the teenager is upset at his mention. “So? Ma, I can handle myself just fine! ‘Sides, who’s ta say that old bastard’ll recognize me?”

Because he can sense your energy. Because he'll kill you if he finds out that I'm not there to protect you. Anna holds back from saying that, aware of what it will imply- Skout doesn’t remember that her Dad was a magic user… and she certainly doesn’t need to remember it anytime soon, not when the townsfolk have made it clear to her daughter that magic is nothing but trouble. “He just would, darlin’... again, I’m sorry, but you ain’t goin’ and that’s that.” Anna’s voice is stern and low, trying to remind Skout of who’s in charge.

Skout huffs, glaring daggers at her mother. “But, Ma… there’s this girl… she’s leadin’ ‘em, and she said that she’ll get me outta ‘ere… I could be more than an oil driller.”

And there it is. Annabeth, all too suddenly, realizes how her mother must’ve felt when she ran away. The look in her daughter’s eyes- love at first sight, adoration for a cause she barely understands- is something Anna recalls feeling almost two decades ago… she had been in love with Ben, and right now, her daughter’s in love with a woman who’s promised her the same things Benjamin did. That thought alone makes Annabeth terrified, scared that someone is going to kidnap her daughter. It doesn’t matter if Skout thinks she’s in love- Anna isn’t about to let her daughter go through everything her mother’s been running from.

“My word is final, Skout Driller. You are to stay here, with me, until I say otherwise. It’s far too dangerous, and this mystery woman could very well be just as bad as your Daddy.” Anna explains, leaving no room for arguing.

Tears build up in Skout’s eyes, but they’re rubbed away before they can fall. “Dammit, Ma…” Skout growls, frustrated beyond belief… but it’s better than dead. Better than kidnapped. “You just don’t get it! You don’t get what it’s like ta be trapped in some nowhere town, wishin’ you could be somebody! Don’t ya understand? I can’t get nothin’ done in my life in dis place! … I don't wanna grow old and die here. I gotta find out if I can be somethin’.”

Anna sighs. Hard. She really doesn’t want to get into this with her daughter, but… fuck it, there’s obviously no way around it. She has to tell her. “... I ever tell you how I met yer Daddy?” She asks, hoping that the pause has given Skout time to calm down.

Skout visibly falters, shocked by the question. It’s enough to break her tough girl act, at least for a little while. “No, you… you never really brought Dad up much when I was a kid.”

Anna walks over to the couch and takes a seat, motioning for Skout to sit next to her. She doesn’t continue her story until Skout sits. “When I was yer age- so ‘bout seventeen- there was this handsome stranger… he’d come to my family’s oil mill once a month to buy oil and food, so we got ta know each other pretty damn well. He was… God, Skout, when I first met him, he was the kindest gentleman I ever did meet. He’d tell me all sorts of stories, about how he’d grown up in a place where the trees had leaves, and everything was green and alive. He told me he loved me. He told me he could get me outta there… that he could help me be somebody. ‘Course I said yes when he proposed.

“After that, he and I ran away from there- I never even told my folks goodbye. They’d never liked yer Daddy, but I thought they was being harsh with him… shoulda known they was onto somethin’. Anyways, he and I moved way out south, and, well… we had you. And your brother, of course,” Anna pauses, noticing how Skout tears up at the mention of Hunter. Quietly, Anna reaches out and rubs Skout’s shoulder, trying to comfort her. “Few years later, things got… worse. Daddy would get paranoid, start hurtin’ anybody who wandered near da house, and while he never hurt you or yer buba, he’d take to bruisin’ me a bit. Nothin’ major, but that among other things convinced me that I had ta get away. And yer Daddy, he knew I was runnin’... he hid Hunter, so that I couldn’t bring ‘im, but I still ran. I still got us outta there.

“So what I’m tryin’ ta say is… people can shower ya in love, can make all sorts ‘a promises, but dat don’t mean they’re good people. And people… they can tell how smart you are, baby girl. They can tell you’re one in a million. And they’re gonna try and convince ya that they’ve got everythin’ figured out, and that they’ll take care of ya, but they’re likely lyin’. Skout, baby, promise me you’ll be cautious, and that you won’t trust strangers. Promise me that you’ll stay here.” Anna takes hold of her daughters hands, trying to plead with her eyes. “Don’t leave me here,” She wants to beg. “Don’t leave me like Daddy did.”

“Mama…” The look on Skout’s face says it all- a stranger’s stolen her heart, and she doesn’t even want it back. She wants to be loved by somebody other than her mother, and in some way, Anna understands that. It doesn’t mean she thinks it’s smart, though. “Toth ain’t like Dad, not one bit- she and the Dandy Lions’ll keep me safe! I know you don’t believe me none, but… trust me, Ma. I can handle myself. ‘Sides, if’n I do run inta Dad, Imma give dat bastard whatfore!” Her grin is warm and loving, and goddammit… Anna’s never been good at saying no to that face. And she does have a point- she'll be surrounded by soldiers, meaning it'll be too dangerous for Benjamin to come near her.

Annabeth sighs, leaning forward and hugging her daughter. “... Okay,” She whispers, voice croaking with unshed tears. “But you promise me you’ll be safe, baby. And don’t go trustin’ nobody who says they be havin’ magic! And remember to write home! And-”

“Ma-” Skout gives her mother a somewhat frustrated look, but at least she isn’t angry anymore. She appears calmer now, glad that she’s finally been understood. “-’A course I’ll be writin’ to ya! And I know better than to trust magic. What am I to ya, a little one?”

“Sometimes you are, in my eyes. You’ll always be my darlin’ baby,” Anna admits, helping Skout to her feet as they both stand. “Now come along… let’s git you packed. Oasis looks to be a long ways from home.”

It’s a few years before Annabeth sees Skout again, not that she entirely expected to. Around here, if somebody’s kid manages to find a way out, they never come back. And just as well- Anna honestly hates it here some days, hates how no one here can stand change, but it’s home nonetheless. Besides, she wants to stay here in-case Skout ever comes home… which she does. It’s late at night when she comes home, a swift knock at the door waking Anna from her nap. She sits up, rubbing her lower back- she’s getting too old to pass out in her chair, but sometimes she just dozes without realizing it. She blames it on a life filled with stress and worry.

Slowly, she stands, soon quickening her pace when a second knock raps the door. Opening it, Anna is greeted by, first and foremost, the sight of her beloved daughter. “Skout!” She shouts, embracing her child in a tight hug. She doesn't give two shits if she wakes the neighbors. “Oh, honey! What’re you doin’ out here?” She pulls back, examining Skout’s face.

Skout looks absolutely exhausted, her hair somehow more wild than usual- when in God’s name was the last time she cut it?- with dark bags underneath her eyes. But her daughter ignores the questions, her movements making her appear erratic and scared. “Mama, you think I can come in now? I, uh…” Skout looks around, constantly checking over her shoulder. “I really wanna git inside.”

Something’s clearly wrong. Anna nods, stepping aside to usher her daughter in. It’s only then that she realizes that Skout’s brought company. The stranger is short- they’re a tad taller than Skout, but that’s not much of an accomplishment- their body covered in a large, dirty quilt. The newcomer wears a big, wide brimmed hat on their head, and their glove covered hand is joined with Skout’s bare one, the redhead leading the stranger inside- the blanket covers everything but the hat, making the stranger temporarily blind. This can’t be good; this stranger is clearly on the run. What the fuck has Skout been getting into!? Wordlessly, the duo enters, Anna locking the door behind them once they’re inside.

“I guess I best get us some tea… how you like your’s, stranger?” Anna asks, trying to coax the stranger into talking.

“He’ll have it like I do, Ma. He seems like the honey lovin’ type,” Skout answers for him, maneuvering the man to stand in the center of the living room. “Sorry, he ain’t much fer talkin’.”

“That’s fine, sugar. Not everybody likes ta chatter.” Anna says, leaving the room to get the kettle started.

After firing up the kettle, Anna takes to watching in secret from the doorway as Skout pulls the blanket off of the stranger, and… oh no. No, it can’t be. That can’t possibly be… that’s not Benjamin. Anna breathes a sigh of relief as she realizes that it really can’t be Benjamin- the stance is wrong, this man is too short, his body slimmer, somehow. When the stranger turns around to meet Anna’s stare- he must’ve felt her eyes on him- his eyes are the same milky cream color as Ben’s were, but somehow he’s… different. The hat fell off when Skout pulled off the blanket, and now Anna’s being treated to the sight of short, scruffy black hair on the man’s equally black head, the hair soft and curly. But if this isn’t Benjamin, then it has to be-

”Hunter isn’t talkin’.”

Benjamin glances up from his book, raising a nonexistent eyebrow at his wife. “What you mean, baby?” He drawls, setting his book aside.

“I mean he ain’t sayin’ nothin’! He won’t make a peep! Hell, even Skout is babblin’, but Hunter won’t make a sound. He just sits there, starin’ at me… it a species thing, hun?” Anna can’t hide the distress from her voice- she’s not familiar with how Benjamin’s race works, and she’s scared that this isn’t something that can be fixed.

Benjamin’s response does nothing to soothe her worries. “Bring ‘im ta me.” He orders, sitting up, settling his hands on his knees. He looks older than he should be… then again, he’s always said that he’s been alive for centuries.

Annabeth wastes no time, hurrying outside to get her son. He’s with Skout, the two ten month olds crawling around in the grass, a few rock Critters playing with the twins. “Hey!” Anna calls, earning her the attention of both babies. She walks over in strides, scooping up Hunter with ease. “You critters watch Skout for me, alright? Daddy needs his baby.”

One of the Critters- the largest rock, she notes- salutes. Anna would chuckle if she weren’t so worried. Carefully, she carries Hunter inside, the toddler grabbing a fistful of his mother’s shirt for leverage. Once she’s back inside, she hands Hunter to Benjamin, who sits the toddler down on his lap. With a clinical gaze and glowing hands, Benjamin inspects the toddler. “Say ‘Ah’.” He orders, and obediently, the toddler opens his void-like mouth, though no sound escapes. Gently, as to not harm the child, Ben sticks a glowing, gloved finger into Hunter’s mouth. The boy grimaces, unhappy with the taste, but otherwise doesn’t fuss. After a time, Benjamin reclaims his finger and cusses under his breath.

“Well? What’s wrong with ‘em, sweetheart?” Anna asks, giving her baby boy a longing look- she wants to hold him close, to will a voice out of him.

“He’s mute,” Benjamin keeps it simple, but it’s clear even he’s frustrated. “Fuckin’ hell… he ain’t ever gonna be able to use vocal spells… such a pity.”

“Vo- honey, our baby’s a mute, and yer worried ‘bout spells!?” Anna can’t believe her ears- how can Benjamin think about magic at a time like this?

Benjamin stands, giving Anna a harsh glare. “You thinkin’ I don’t care? ‘Course I do, he’s my son! But he’s got the Gift, baby, and he ain’t ever gonna be without it. He’s magic, jus’ like me! He’s gonna have to learn spells eventually, ‘n you damn well know it! You really gonna bitch at me fer worryin’? Fer wonderin’ how I’ll protect ‘im?”

Anna swallows, before ducking her head, defeated. “... No, dearest. I just… he ain’t ever gonna call me Mama, or you Daddy… aren’t ya a little sad ‘bout dat?”

Benjamin softens, reaching forward and hugging Anna with one arm, sandwiching Hunter between them. The baby blinks, before going back to clinging to his mother, unwilling to let go. “Oh, baby, don’t cry,” Benjamin murmurs, kissing Anna’s cheek- his lips are ice cold. “It’s gonna be okay. Skout can talk, can’t she? Our baby girl’ll more than make up fer Hunter’s silence. We’ve got eternity to figure it out.”

Anna nods hopelessly against her husband’s chest, burying her face in his shoulder to hide her tears. 'We’ve got eternity’... It feels more like a threat than a promise.

Finally managing to escape the memory, Annabeth wastes no time in closing the distance, hugging her long lost son close to herself. Skout looks more confused than a reindeer in summer, but Anna will explain later- she just needs to hold him close again, to rejuvenate that lost contact. Slowly, Hunter hugs her back, appearing grateful for the surprise hug. Has he been this touch starved? Benjamin was never really affectionate unless he needed something from her, so it should come as no surprise to Anna that her son would be deprived of such a thing… still, she forces the thought away and hugs him tighter, likely hurting Hunter’s ribs, but she can’t bring herself to care. He’s home. He’s finally home.

“Uh… Ma?” Skout raises an eyebrow at her mother, thoroughly confused. “Why you hugging the Nomad ‘a Nowhere?”

Anna ignores her for the most part, keeping her grip on Hunter. It’s not until her son starts squirming that she lets go, stepping back to look her son over. His face from the eyes down is covered in a red bandana, but otherwise his clothes perfectly match those of his father’s… maybe that means that Benjamin’s dead? Anna knows she should be happy at the thought of it, but she can’t keep herself from internally mourning for him. He’d been nice, when they first met… it’s hard to forget that short-lived kindness, even after all the abuse. Anna finally just grins at her son, before focusing her gaze on Skout.

“Skout, baby… I wish you’d told me you was bringin’ yer brother home… I woulda made you both dinner.” Anna can’t hide the sobbing note in her voice, tears dripping down her face.

Skout’s eyes widen, though Anna can tell she isn’t convinced. “It’s gonna be a long story ta tell, hun,” Anna explains, figuring that now isn’t the time. “Fer now, I think you two need some rest. Y’all must be exhausted,” She turns her attention back to Hunter, who looks even more shellshocked than Skout. She rests a hand on his cheek, savoring the contact. “Don’t you worry, sweetie, it’ll all make sense in good time.”

“Yeah, I uh… think restin’ sounds good right ‘bout now…” Skout murmurs. Suddenly, however, a harsh knock hits the door. The redhead visibly pales, giving her mother an incredibly apologetic look. Her voice drops to a whisper. “Ma… look, there’s a lot we gots ta explain too, but… Mama, jus’ play dumb, I beg of you! Tell ‘em we ain't here! Please!”

Anna nods, understanding completely. Back with Benjamin, she’d been made to play this role before… she’s more than willing to do this again for her daughter. “Go on then… yer bedroom’s still there, hide in there with yer brother!”

“Ma, I really don’t think he’s my-” Another knock shakes the door, interrupting Skout. “Fine fine,” She says, grabbing Hunter by the hand and leading him away. “Come on, you! We gotta hide!”

Hunter waves to Anna as he and Skout disappear down the hallway, causing Anna to chuckle. However, she schools her expression as she approaches the door, taking a deep breath before opening it. A tall, muscular man is there to greet her, wearing barely any armor, a large scar running diagonally across his right cheek. The stranger gives Anna an unimpressed once-over. “So sorry to bother you at this hour, miss,” The man says, keeping his voice friendly, though it’s clear he’s willing to use violence to get his way. “However, it’s come to my attention that a dangerous criminal and his accomplice have wandered into town… was wonderin’ if you’ve seen anyone suspicious.”

Anna puts on a sweet smile, trying to play up the innocent housewife routine. “Oh, I ain’t seen nobody new ‘round here! Nobody but my kids! They’ve been visitin’ me all week long, ain’t dat nice? Don’t often get ta see my kids!”

The man raises an eyebrow, but otherwise doesn’t give away his suspicion. “Funny, ‘cus I coulda sworn I saw that Nomad and his accomplice head in this direction…”

Anna continues to smile, waving the man off. “Nope! Nobody here but my kids and I!”

The stranger shifts his weight, allowing Anna to see Toro’s emblem on his shoulder armor. “You wouldn’t find if I… talked to them, would you, miss?”

Anna doesn’t even blink. “Sorry, they’re both asleep! They’ve been helping me with the pumps all day, and they’re absolutely exhausted. Maybe ask one of the neighbors? Martha next door’s a real chatterbox ‘bout gossip!”

It’s clear that the champion isn’t fully buying it, but there’s just enough truth in Anna’s explanation to warrant her innocence. “Well, if you say so… you make sure to come find me if anything changes. I’ll be in town.” With that vague threat, he walks away, leaving Anna in peace.

Anna shuts the door and groans, breathing a sigh of relief once the champion is gone. It’s been a long time since she’s had to do that- not since she was with Benjamin. Slowly, Anna makes her way into Skout’s bedroom. The redhead is hidden under the covers of her bed, and upon closer inspection, Anna finds Hunter hidden under the very bed itself, his terrified shivering causing the bed frame to shake. “All clear, kids,” Anna calls, pulling the blanket off of Skout and giving her daughter a tired smile. “You can come out now… I think he’s gone.”

“Oh thank the stars,” Skout says, before giving Anna a sorry look. “Sorry ‘bout puttin’ you on the spot like that, Mama… there’s a lot we gotta talk about.”

“Yes there is… but I wasn’t kiddin’ when I says you gotta rest up first- you look like you ain’t slept in days,” Anna chides. When Hunter peeks out from underneath the bed, Anna crouches down and tousles his hair, letting out a soft chuckle. “That goes fer you too, son.”

“Yeah, about that-” Skout begins to say.

“Rest. Now. Ya look damn ready ta faint,” Not to mention, I need time to figure out how I’m gonna explain this to you two, Anna thinks, but pushes those thoughts aside in favor of focusing on her kids. “Think ya can share yer room with yer brother?”

Skout blinks, looking ready to continue asking about this, but she eventually seems to give into her own desire to sleep. “Yeah yeah, he can sleep with me… but I ain’t sharing a blanket with ‘im! He can sleep on the bed, but no cuddlin’!” She points her orders at Hunter, who looks away in embarrassment.

Anna laughs at this, thoroughly amused by her children’s antics. “That’s fair… now get some sleep. We can discuss all of this in the mornin’,” She promises, helping Hunter to his feet. Once he’s up, he gives the bed a worried look. “It’s alright… here, I’ll git you another blanket.” Anna offers, trying to quell the nervous tension in the room.

Once Anna gets back with a large, blue quilt, she drapes it over Hunter’s shoulders. Her son visibly relaxes, clearly glad to have a blanket to sleep with tonight. Has he been sleeping enough? It’s hard to tell if he’s sleep deprived or not, but his sluggish movements are enough for Anna to go off of. With the promise of a bed to sleep in tonight, Hunter now gladly hops into bed beside his sister, wrapping himself in the blanket like a burrito. He lies down silently beside Skout, who already appears to be dozing off. With a whispered goodnight, Anna leaves her two children in peace, allowing them to finally sleep… and for her to finally figure out how in the hell she’s going to explain all of this in the morning. But it’s worth it… or at least, it will be.

Her kids will likely have to leave tomorrow- if Anna had to guess, she’d say it’s Benjamin’s old bounty that now rests on her beloved son’s head, and Skout’s just along for the ride- but she can at least guarantee them a big breakfast and an explanation. And if she’s lucky? Well… maybe she can finally keep her promise to Skout.

A/N: And here it is! My first contribution to this fandom (other than theory/shit posts)! I hope y’all like this fic; feel free to ask me any questions you have for the AU! I plan on doing another fic soon- one from Nodad’s (Benjamin, the original Nomad’s) perspective, so look out for that one! I just got inspired to do this one first because of signomad’s heartbreaking comic for my twins theory! Also, another shout out to bl00dw1tch’s Nodad Theory- I bring it up every time I post something for the Twins AU, but it’s still honest to God the reason this AU (theory??? If I’m right then hOLY FUCK) exists at all. So go check those folks out! See you next time!

~Supercasey

[echeronsink]

Mothbones Preview (for mobile)

Mothbones is a modern fantasy YA story set in an alternate universe where every creature of myth, folklore, and legend are very, very real and hiding right under the noses of the rest of the world’s population. It is told from two perspectives: One man who must live with his past misdeeds forever, and another who is still haunted by the arson killing of 13 people. Their paths cross with Maux; a girl with budding prophetic abilities and a target on her back. For Phesec, it’s one last job before he can try to break away from his reputation. For Pepper, it’s a chance to prove himself.

Playlist | Concept Board

If you aren’t on mobile, please read the chapters here.

CHAPTER ONE

"I don't think fortune cookies work if you steal them."

Pepper looked down at the bedraggled girl seated in front of him, sliding into the booth and setting down the crinkly plastic bag unceremoniously. The corner of his mouth curled into a lazy smile. "Maybe. Could be they just plain don't work."

Maux gave him a tired, argumentative look, scrunching up her nose and chewing her lip in a way he'd learned meant she was considering starting a debate.

A shape moved in his peripheral, drawing his attention as Maux diverted her gaze to the checkered floor.

"Do you need another minute to decide?" the waitress asked, tapping the end of her pen against her notepad expectantly. She didn't seem to be aware that her bun had gotten loose and drooped over onto its side like a deflated balloon.

"Ah, just a milkshake, please. Chocolate." He straightened up and smiled politely. Then, noticing her attention lingering on the bag of cookies, added, "Kid's got a big game coming up tomorrow. Gotta rack up the luck a little."

Satisfied with his explanation, she nodded and promised to have the drink ready shortly before walking away.

"You're such a liar," Maux stated once she was out of earshot.

"'s not such a bad skill to have," he replied, popping open the bag and dumping out the contents. Plucking one from the pile, he tore that open as well. "Besides, she's probably relieved. I'd bet she's seen a whole lot worse than a bulk bag of fortune cookies, working in a twenty-four-hour Diner."

She scowled more, curling up against the back of the booth and tugging her thin sweater over her hands. "Why are we even here? You always just steal food."

"Because," he continued absently, cracking the cookie open and pulling out the little slip of paper. "It's been a long week, and you look like you need something good to eat. Or drink."

"I'm lactose intolerant."

"That didn't seem to stop you from eating an entire package of mini donuts the other day. Or anything else, really."

Appearing to be temporarily out of arguments, Maux only sat forward and grabbed a cookie from the pile. The waitress returned and placed the shake on the table before walking away again after he thanked her.

"What'd ya get?" he inquired as she cracked the shell and tugged the slip of paper free.

"Let me read." She looked over the printed letters at least four times before tentatively replying. "'Take the chance while you still have the choice.'"

"Foreboding," he deadpanned, cracking open another cookie and popping half into his mouth with a loud crunch. "And maybe a little late."

She furrowed her brow and smoothed the slip out over the table, pulling the shake closer and taking a sip as she played with the condensation.

"You should at least read them," she said after watching him add a fourth slip of paper to the pile of wrappers without so much as a glance.

Again, he cracked a wry smile. "There's nothing to 'em, kiddo. It's all just a bunch of superstitious fun."

"Monsters are supposed to be a bunch of superstitious fun, too. So is magic," she countered, slouching over the glass.

A frown tugged at his lips, his attention halting for a moment as he glanced over his shoulder before looking at her fully. "No, kid. Monsters and magic...those are myths."

"They're real. You saw them. I saw you use magic."

He sat back in his seat, abandoning his dinner. "You did."

Maux grit her teeth, rising to sit on one leg. "Then why are you calling them myths?"

"Myths," he exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly, "are real. You've seen as much. Gods, monsters, the whole lot of it." Selecting a slip of paper from the pile of trash, he held it up. "Superstitions are different, they're wives' tales for people like me, like saying going out in the rain without a coat will give you a cold. There's exceptions, sure, for some things involving the Fair Folk and a few others, but they're different."

A faint ribbon of smoke rose from the paper, turned greenish-orange by the Diner's lighting. A moment later the paper curled in on itself and turned to ash as a thin line of orange flame ate away at the edges.

"Stuff like this, though...It's all just people. Normal, unsuspecting people having a little fun with the idea of luck or fortune or whatever they want to call it."

She pursed her lips, holding the glass with both hands and tapping her short nails against it as she stared at the straw blankly.

"There's nothing to worry about," he added softly.

"There's all kinds of things to worry about," she replied, barely above a whisper. "There's monsters and crazy people and magic all over the place and now they're after me. Jesus Christ, I haven't been home in a week. I can't even call my parents and I might never see them again."

He slumped back, shaking his head. "Well...the magic and monsters aren’t really anything new. I can handle any of that fine."

Silence hung over the booth tensely for a moment before anything happened.

A small hiccup escaped her, followed by another. She brought a hand up over her face to hide the miserable smile spreading across her face. "Oh, great. My knight in shining armor."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Glad I can put your mind at ease."

She nodded, unsuccessfully trying to hold back more hiccups as she stirred the milkshake. After dropping her fortune into the pile of wrappers, she looked back up at him with a tired, wavering smile. "You really need to work on your comforting skills."

He rolled his eyes. "We’ll focus on getting you swearing properly first."

CHAPTER TWO

Blue and red weren't quite opposites. Sure, they looked different enough, but the space between them had become perilously narrow in the blink of an eye. Now that he stared at the divide with sobered eyes, he recognized the preface in the color blue.

No matter how hard he tried, blue would lead to red so long as he stood within it.

"You get quieter and quieter with old age." The familiar voice brought Phesec’s mouth into a tight line.

"Oraxes. Always a pleasure to see you." He turned to face the woman standing in the neon blue light with him.

"Have you grown philosophical already?” she inquired, her lips tugging up into a cruel smirk. “What mysteries does someone who's seen the flip side of the coin ponder?"

A heavy sigh escaped him. “If you’re so determined to annoy me, could you at least try to be original about it?”

The golden lattice of leaves above her left ear glinted with the tilt of her shaved head. “Right. How inconsiderate of me. You’re probably tired of hearing the same jokes after so many decades. So, which ones do you hate the most: The undead jokes, or the criminal ones we all have to hear?”

“Do you want something from me, or does Pegasus just pay you to sit around?”

“Please. You’re the last person I’d need anything from,” she scoffed, waving a hand.

“I’d almost think you’ve been missing me.” He pushed a loose strand of long hair out of his face, tugging at the sleeves of his jacket and shivering. He glanced up to the glaring exit sign. “What’s got him worried? He hasn’t moved shop in a long time.”

“Pegasus seems to be more interested in security lately. Not that you’d know, always running off to hole up somewhere while the rest of us work.”

“He doesn’t seem interested in keeping me close. I come to get the job, I do it, I get paid and then I go home…Still. I wouldn’t expect him to move shop to somewhere so…” He looked around the room, observing the grimy cement walls plastered in outdated flyers and the decomposing litter jammed into every crack and corner. The scent of cigarettes and booze hung heavily in the air, along with a few other less recognizable things. “Disgusting.”

She shrugged. “Don’t know. He’s probably just tired of the same old places. Or maybe he needed it for an expansion.”

“Of course.” He nodded, leaning against the steel door frame. “Lapdogs don’t usually ask a lot of questions.”

Her eyes narrowed as she took a step closer, parting her lips to speak through grit teeth. “I’m not-”

“Castillo,” a deep, smooth voice slipped from beyond the doorway. “Please, come in.”

Glancing from the red corridor back to Oraxes, who had seemingly been frozen in place by the voice, he flashed the slightest hint of a smile before turning and stepping over the threshold, trading out the neon blue light of the exit sign for a vivid shade of red.

His stomach rose further as he neared the end of the hall, and then again as he realized the lack of a door. By the time he stepped into the polished office his heart was already beginning to beat against his ribs with renewed life.

“Castillo,” the voice repeated, this time more tied down to the man sitting behind the ornate wooden desk in the center of the room. “It’s good to see that time still hasn’t caught up to you.”

“Please, don’t bother with the formalities,” he replied, crossing the space and taking a seat in one of the plush velvet chairs in front of him. He immediately scooted forward to sit on the edge, perhaps out of worry that the furniture might swallow him if he got too comfortable. “We’re still on a first name basis, aren’t we?”

Pegasus smiled, the wrinkly lines around his current form’s eyes deepening. His lips moved again, though his voice seemed to come from the air around him rather than his mouth, as usual. “Of course. Though I must say, your absences have been worrying me lately.”

“I’m sure you don’t have anything to be concerned about. You have plenty of reliable people working for you,” he reasoned cautiously, glancing at the backs of the dusty metal picture frames on the far ends of the desk.

“Plenty of people, yes, but not very many reliable ones. Youth doesn’t often breed maturity or trustworthiness.” He leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on the dark surface and clasping his hands together as he peered over the wire rim of his glasses. “It would be wise to hold onto the old friends I have left.”

He held his breath, waiting out the silence for a few seconds before forcing a smile. “Well, if I’ve started acting my age, I think we’re going to run into some problems. I may start reminiscing whenever the wind blows.”

Pegasus laughed, sounding far less human with each note until he broke into a fit of coughing.

Phesec winced at the sickly rattling sound of the man’s breaths, a familiar bitterness phantoming its way onto his tongue.

He pulled a tissue from his pocket as the fit ended, wiping his mouth and grumbling irritably. “I’ll never understand how bad organs manage to find their way out of a photograph.”

“An interesting question,” he agreed weakly, watching the tissue fall into the trash before looking back up to Pegasus’s face.

After adjusting the collar of his suit, he leaned against the desk once again. “All of that aside, I trust you know why I asked you here?”

“A job,” he said quickly, relieved to be asked a question with a simple answer. One that he knew.

“Yes.” He nodded, glancing up at the doorway. “Unfortunately I must ask a favor of you.”

Polite smile fading, he waited in silence.

“You have voiced your wishes to abstain from these kinds of jobs before, however…-”

“Sir,” he interrupted sharply, earning a raised hand in a bid for silence.

“However,” he repeated. “It is important that I can rely on you for this. There is no one else that I feel could be trusted with such an important task.”

“We’ve been over this, please. No kids.”

“I won’t ask the impossible of you, Phesec, and I do not take this lightly. You are a valuable friend to me.” He paused, layering an icy edge over his words. “If you would hear me out, I believe that you would not be as opposed to the idea of making an exception for me, just this once.”

He turned his gaze to the carpet, nodding tensely after a moment.

“I would not ask you to bring harm to a child. Instead, I’d like you to find one for me and bring her into our care.”

“Kidnapping.”

A harsh frown carved itself into Pegasus’s dark skin, deep channels springing up on his forehead. “She is already far from home. This is for her own protection, I assure you.”

“She should be taken back, then.”

He shook his head grimly, rising from his chair. “Nothing would be able to protect her from the dangers she faces now, even if she were to feign ignorance about mythos.”

He stared as Pegasus strode across the room, twisting a knob on the wall. The frilled lights tucked up against the high ceiling dimmed.

“There are places for young mythos, sir. Places founded to raise and prepare them for their own survival and independence.”

He turned to face him, one hand on the deep bronze railing of the spiral staircase behind him. “It doesn’t take much attention to notice your drifting, Phesec. You are absent more often than not, and people are beginning to talk. You are an old and trusted friend. One that I would not like to see turned to ash on the part of your own defiance.”

His throat felt constricted as he swallowed, letting his gaze drop to his feet. “I can’t take the job, Pegasus.”

He was met with stony silence, followed by the sharp tap of rings on metal that made him flinch.

“Very well. Leave me.”

His legs shook as he stood, stepping back towards the doorway. An apology clung stubbornly to his tongue, refusing to be spoken. He managed a stiff nod before turning into the red corridor.

The slight vacuum of air tugged at his clothing as the doorway vanished behind him. He didn’t even spare Oraxes a glance as he stepped out into the blue again.

“What the hell happened to you? You look like you just ran into a Bureau officer.”

He failed to respond, looking to the sign again. Somehow, it looked a little more teal.

[the-mateus-minute]

Behind the Proving Grounds: Cecily Reeve

Dear Readers,

Today I have a very special interview for you; I sat down with Cecily Reeve, the lovely lass in charge of the healers who keep the Proving Grounds’ gladiators in good health. Miss Reeve had some interesting insight into what it is like behind the scenes.

C: Miss Reeve, why don't you tell us a bit about your background in the healing arts? R: Ah... well. I learned all I know from my da— sewing people back together, setting bones, making tinctures and potions and such. I started helping him in the surgery when I was... eh, twelve summers? He'd had some of my older sibling's helping, before me, but I was the only one who didn't get sick when I smelled blood. So. Ended up just sort of staying there.

C: Interesting, I know several of the healers are conjurers or even scholars; do you have any magical talents, or is your healing all medicinal? R: Ah... purely medicinal, I'm afraid. But someone's gotta keep 'em in ethers.

C: Nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary, in fact. You have your own unique talents, and that you are the chief healer when medicinal healing is so often overlooked in favor of conjury says a lot about your talents. So, what made you decide to work at the Proving Grounds? R: Ah, well. As you say, practical medicine is... overlooked, yeah? In favor of magical, especially in a place like Ul'dah. Had a lot of trouble finding working, couldn't hack it in the Flames. The usual sob story y'hear. Was living with a friend, and heard that a new sort of gladiator games was lookin' for folks to patch people up. Figured— what the hell, who knows where it'll take me. Maybe they'll let me set a few broken noses. And that was... that.

C: And now you're the lead healer. I'm glad you found a place your talents are appreciated. Tell me though, how has that turned out for you? With some of the injuries we've seen inflicted on the sands, I can only imagine what things are like for you behind the scenes. R: It gets... it gets right messy at times. Folks with broken arms, smashed heads, bleeding lungs. Not for the faint, that's for sure. It doesn't bother me any— the blood, I mean, that's just the job. But... Sometimes, they.... say stuff, you know? Like, 'will I be okay?' and 'will I walk straight again?' and you just kind of... you don't know, but you're pretty sure, but they don't want pretty sure, they need more than that. And that's... that's hard.

C: I know what you mean all too well. Fresh off the battlefield, I imagine no small number of gladiators come to you and yours with adrenaline still coursing through their veins. Do the fighters ever cause problems while you're trying to care for them? R: Not... not as such. They're usually pretty quiet, all things considered— if they're conscious at all. They snap at each other a little but keep peace. Sometimes they refuse treatment, an' that's like... What c'n we do? We ask a couple times, but if they keep sayin' no, we just let 'em be. The real problem we've had is with patrons in the healing corner, tossing their weight around. I won't name names, but a certain lady made her business pretty clear and had to be asked to leave— not that she listened.

C: I can certainly see a couple of the patrons doing that. A couple weeks ago, after a particularly trying evening, where I hear you were the only healer on staff, Lady Owu hired a decent number of new healers. How was that evening for you, having to manage this all by yourself? and how have things improved since getting the added help? R: That was right hard, I won't lie. I was runnin' ragged between... eight fighters, I think it was? A lot. Too many. Some folk had to make use of their own healers, an' some folk... I did my best, an' all, but gods it was a near thing. After she gave leave to hire new folks, it's tenfold better. Got a good crew of regulars and part-timers, and they got a whole host of talents to help out— an' make sure there's less 'pretty sure' and more 'completely sure' about folks' injuries.

C: I'm glad to know the new hires are helping, and that things are looking better for you all. Well Miss Reeve, I believe that is all of my questions. Is there anything you would like to add before we conclude the interview? R: I... hm. Dunno! I guess... if there's any healers out there looking for work, send word to House Owu, because we can always use a few extra hands!

I would add a disclaimer to that request for healers; having seen the condition some of the fighters end up in, healing for the Proving Grounds is not for the faint of heart. But, if you think you have the stomach for it then, by all means, do take Miss Reeve up on her offer.

                                                                    --C. Blythe

@mateusprovinggrounds @cecilyreeve

[savevsfacemelt]

Crowmurder essay #3 - Education

Alright, so we’ve talked about how I conceived and prepared for Crowmurder, and how that concept and preparation changed during play.

Did that work? Oh yeah, it was a great campaign, both for me and for the players. But that doesn’t mean everything went perfectly, and there are lessons to be learned from what fizzled or didn’t really click.

So refresh your memory about the game if you need to, and then come back for the last GMing essay in this trilogy of posts.

Failure! It’s how we learn!

When prep goes bad

I do a lot of prep for some games, barely any for others, depending on the system and the group’s style of play. I’ve done more and more for the last few campaigns, and if I’m being honest, much of that is just needing something to do during these interminable lockdown, something that feels creative even if it’s ultimately just brainstorming things that only matter to me, a light to briefly push back the dark emptiness threatening to hollow out everything around me.

...I digress.

I did a lot of prep for Crowmurder, and as mentioned, I ended up changing much of it during play. I’m 100% fine with that; a lot of that prep helped me get a strong enough grip on my ideas to be confident changing them on the fly. There were also sections of prep, such as a few NPCs, that never came into play, but that’s just how GMing works; you draw 10 rooms in your dungeon, even though the PCs will probably only visit five or six. What makes that work worthwhile is knowing that they could engage with that prep and enter those rooms.

What I realised, as the campaign ended, was that some aspects of my prep didn’t serve an actual function because there was no way they could come into play. A timeline of backstory events, the alien mindset of the daeva, a set of images about 19th century Mardi Gras in New Orleans... I pinned these (and more) concepts down before we started, but never came up with a way to work them into play, whether at the start or as we continued. These concepts were ultimately worse than wasted efforts, because I had to do additional mental labour to move beyond them to create content I could actually use at the table.

The lesson here is not to do less prep - do whatever amount works for you and that you find useful. Instead, it’s to make sure that that prep can actually be used in play (probably by also prepping avenues for introducing it) rather than just sitting in your notes folder and getting in your way.

Respecting ransacking your sources

Adapting other material is a time-honoured tradition in gaming; everyone rips off bits of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, after all, and I’m a big believer in reskinning Shakespeare for your own ends. Adapting/reimagining one game’s adventure into a different setting/system isn’t as common, but it’s certainly not unknown. But as with all adaptations, you need to know what to lift and what to leave behind, and I slipped up a couple of times with my Ravenloft homage.

Of all the RL references in the campaign, the weakest was the Tarot reading scene. This was a homage to Madame Eva’s card reading, which is a cornerstone of the original module. Here it didn’t serve anywhere near as strong a purpose, it slowed the session down and made it less interesting, and it felt out of place given that the NPC giving it was the head of a drug cartel rather than an ethnic-stereotype fortune-teller. Another iffy inclusion was the zombie fight at the church. This was a hugely fun scene, don’t get me wrong, but as the game progressed it felt increasingly out of place to me, setting up expectations about the game’s feel and tone that didn’t properly pay off.

On the other hand, I wish I hadn’t just handwaved away all of the dungeon-crawl aspects of Ravenloft. The final sessions in the Plantation House felt a bit underwhelming to me, too prosaic and too easy for the big finish. It might have been more fun if I’d populated the House with a few weird dungeon rooms, maybe with shadowy psychodramas and oddball monsters for the PCs to overcome. After all, the one RL castle monster I did keep - the ‘Meld Monster’, which became the grotesque Rougarou - became a really compelling part of the game. 

The lesson here is kind of like the last one - it’s to think about how concepts, especially those drawn from another source, might work and feel in play rather than in a vacuum. Will the tone of this idea match that of other game elements? Will it be cumbersome to unpack for the players? Will its effect be the same as it was in the source material, or pull the game in a different direction? The question of how will this work is at least as important as is this cool.

Too many moving parts 

From conceptual issues, let’s move onto mechanical ones, such as the level of cognitive load I felt in busy scenes, specifically fight scenes with multiple opponents.

MoTW doesn’t require much detail for NPCs - harm taken/given for minor enemies, a couple of moves for major ones - but it’s tracked separately for each one, and the numbers are granular enough that handwaving them felt unsatisfying. Add to that the various abilities that players/PCs can bring to bear, and the amount of mental effort I had to apply to fight scenes became problematic - especially in an online environment.

The first group fight scene, with zombies and gators and snakes, wasn’t so bad, although I was losing energy by the end of it. The second involved four bikers, four cultists, an undead wizard and a shadow monster, spread across multiple locations, and by the 2/3 mark of the session I was exhausted and couldn’t keep proper track of what was happening. From that point I only ran combats with 1-2 opponents, which made them more manageable but also less interesting.

There were other issues with cognitive load, mostly due to the complexities of managing four players, with four sets of mechanical/narrative abilities and agendas, in sessions run over Zoom where I couldn’t use most of my in-person social and management skills. 

The lesson here is that running a game is... not hard or special, sure, but it’s demanding in ways that aren’t always obvious. You need to be aware of the mental overheads of both your game system and your play platform, and not develop session plans that push too hard against those parameters.

Adapting for short sessions

Speaking of which, I think we’ve all learned by now that online play demands more energy and focus than face-to-face play, although I still struggle to explain why that’s the case. A two-hour Zoom session on a school night can be more challenging than playing for 4-5-6 hours in person - and part of that is working out how to adjust pace, and GMing, and mechanics, and so on. You have to deliver more story beats in a shorter period of time, make sure fights are fast and don’t flow into another session, compress and/or extend scenes to make sure they fill up the right volume... stuff like that.

And in some cases, you need to check mechanics, which I didn’t do. Like most PtBA games, Monster of the Week has start-of-session/end-of-session moves and rules, and I didn’t examine these enough when we started play. Specifically, I didn’t consider that the end-of-session hand-out-experience rules would trigger about twice as often as expected, meaning that the characters quickly became more effective and powerful than I had planned. The final sessions thus lacked tension because the players knew they had enough safety nets and Luck points to be challenged by what I brought to bear. (I compensated by drilling down on emotional beats for the ending, but it was still a little weak.)

The lesson? Session length can have both narrative and mechanical impact on your game, in ways that aren’t obvious, so think about that before you start play and adjust accordingly. That’s a basic tip, but one that affects pretty much all of us while we’re stuck with shorter, online, socially distanced play.

I did this to myself

There are fewer pop songs with ‘Boys’ in the title than you might think, and finding an appropriate one for each session’s writeup was a pain in the hole.

--

Okay, I think that’s everything.

I hope folks found this series interesting and/or useful! I don’t think I’m going to do anything this in-depth in the future, or any session-by-session writeups. The era of long-form RPG writing is coming to a close, and shorter, simpler summaries and articles at the end of a campaign seems like the way to go from here.

Well, like they say - if you gotta go, go with a smile.

[fossadeileonixv]

Opening day Q and A!

Let’s go!

FYI Q AND A IS OPEN TIL KICKOFF!!!

First up is our resident graphic genius Gillis:

- will there be any drop off at GK? Like real tangible drop off and not broken-hearted Italian goggles drop off

NO. Maignan will play great all year. there will be a game or two where his mistakes will cost us, but that happens to the best of keepers. His quickness and skill in distribution will be a revelation.

- will the fullbacks combine for 10+ goals?

Easily. Theo gets at least 10, Calabria gets 5 and the supporting cast will grab a few more. 20 is even possible. That would have been UNTHINKABLE during the banter era. 

- who gets the captain’s armband?

I guess today it’s Calabria. going forward it’s gotta be Kessie with I think Kjaer and Calabria as vice captains.. 

- Milan finished with 79pts last season. Are you taking the over the r under that number for this season?

Oh boy. Considering how galactically bad the bottom half of the table is this year I will go over. Gonna need 80+ to stay in the top 4.

Next up is Matt from Connecticut:

- Who is your ideal RW as that’s the biggest weakness in the XI

Saelemaekers! DUH! Seriously though I get it. It’s a sore spot in the lineup that needs addressed. Florenzi is a fun little band aid but nothing long term. I was really digging Shomorudov but now he’s at Roma. Can i have Chiesa? No? Ok. Within Serie A I’d talk to Samp while we are there about Damsgard. I know he’s a LW and AM but i would gladly take a guy like that, put him on the right and let him cook. He can bomb in inswinging crosses all day to Giroud/Ibra and he’s great on set pieces. Outside Serie A? The Bernardo silva runors are just that, but i’d love him. Completely insane idea that might start a rumor? Sane from Bayern. He has NOT been a great fit there and perhaps they could be talked into sending him on loan for a year? 

Next up is my co-host TR:

- Is Cagliari getting relegated? 

They barely survived last year with Diego Godin dragging them to safety.  Thing is there are 10 teams battling for the drop. I say they survive.

Next up is looooooong time reader Ralph:

- Will we finally break the #9 kit curse??

YES! Giroud puts in 20+ goals this year across all competitions. If old man Ibra can do what he did I think Giroud will do even better. Prepare to buy yourself a Giroud jersey by the end of the season. 

Next up is our man from south of the equator, Frank!

- If we ended our mercato activities with the Pelegri, Florenzi and possible Baka signings, how does your season predictions change? You predicted Milan finishing in 3rd.

I’m still on board with that. Those three guys give us depth at the positions we have in need, especially the MF. I think Florenzi is a great spot player. Bold prediction? Saelemaekers pots 10 this year. 

- Bernado Silva to Milan in a potential 53m deal... where does this rumour fall in your mercato possibilities index? 1 for extreme bullshit, 5 for meh and 10 for very possible.

Is 0 possible? that really ticks every box on the Transfer BS Detector. In fact it just caught on fire. dammit! 

- Who are you getting as the starting TQ if you were the sporting director?

I think Diaz is the starter. If I’m Maldini I start calling about pushing for a loan for James Rodriguez on loan right now. I was really pining for Sabitzer but that isn’t happening.

- How do you like the 4-4-2 that Pioli's been flirting with? 2 strikers upfront tactical flexibility and its applicability in Serie A. Any chance we see Milan playing wingbacks this season?

I think that is a VERY viable plan B for us. It’s the best way to get 3 of our mids on the field at the same time and could be very dangerous. We have a lot of pieces that can play in multiple spots. 4231 relies on very defined roles. 442 is more flexible. 

- On Milan's CL ambitions. Where are you on this in our 2021-22 campaign? Simply giving a good account of ourselves, or coming out of the group stages or just a strong 3rd placed finish that sends us to the Europa where we push hard for something?

Knockout stage is fine. Anything else is gravy. Of course it will hurt when we go out and folks will say we aren’t a big club anymore but we must have perspective. 

- Milan's 3rd kit, what sayeth thou.. complete eye sore, wearable or just ok?

Yuck. I liked the blue last year. take a chance. have some fun. Nothing is forever. 

- What do you think we'd need to win a scudetto in terms of improvements? A budget solution to make it interesting would be ok.

If Maldini can pull a second TQ out of the sky that is as good or better than Brahim I believe the sky is the limit. I truly believe we are good enough everywhere else to pull it of. 

- When is Avia getting us a pre-season WAGS post? Asking for someone....

DUDE. That is the preseason preview we REALLY NEED. Avia?? Where are you????

Next up is nine:

How long is sleepy Rebic gonna take to get going this season

Christmas for sure. 

Next up is loyal reader Alf3dwards:

What are the chances of a 20+ game win streak this season too? Or will we pick things up where we left off last season when the wheels were almost falling off?

Considering we are playing game 1 without Kessie or Bennacer i wouldn’t bet on a red hot start. Samp is no joke. We also get Lazio week 3 and Juve week 4. After that we have a nice stretch of winnable games. This season has a lot of landmines with CL and then AFCON as well. 

Will Kessie ever sign his contract?

Yes. #IMIT

Was Noglu holding out on us?

No. Didn’t he have the game winner in the opener last year before vanishing for 2 months? F that guy. 

See you all in a bit for the matchpost!

FORZA MILAN!

Lisi

PS: feel free to add any more questions in the comments below and I will promptly answer right up til kickoff!

[thesinglesjukebox]

BTS - FAKE LOVE

[6.25]

Everyone's favorite #1 worldwide Korean group...

Joshua Minsoo Kim: This past August, I eagerly assumed my role as the new sponsor for our high school's Asian Pop Culture club. The name, as I had been informed, wasn't entirely accurate: the group of students who met were primarily there because of a shared interest in K-pop. At the first meeting, I witnessed an ethnically diverse group of teenagers proficiently dancing to one of those "K-pop Dance Game" videos on YouTube. I was immensely moved; I had seen it many times before online, but to see it in person felt like a strong affirmation of my Korean-American identity, especially since I never felt much of that throughout my own teenage years. Several months later, I had an interesting conversation with one of my students about BTS. She had informed me that her younger sister was obsessed, but this proved concerning because her sibling had declared on more than one occasion that she "hated being Vietnamese" and "wished she were Korean." It immediately brought to mind Thai singer Phi Sadoet's "Sao Kaoli," a contemporary luk thung song that finds a boy lamenting how his girlfriend's interest in K-pop and Korean dramas had left him by the wayside. Considering luk thung played a crucial role in bridging the gap between urban and rural societies in Thailand, and historically featured lyrics about country folk being enamored by the city, "Sao Kaoli" posits a 21st century analogue: Thai people are losing pride in their heritage due to Korean cultural imperialism. During my conversation with the student, I realized how myopic I had been; in my celebration of K-pop's continued successes, I had forgotten that its impact on my self-worth wasn't necessarily transferrable to all other Asians. None of this is anyone's fault per se, but it's important to be mindful of how the hallyu can unintentionally arouse feelings of isolation amongst non-Korean Asians. Of course, one of the oft-cited reasons for BTS's international stardom has been their politically conscious lyrics and how it's consistently reflected in their extramusical affairs. And when I listen to "Fake Love," I hear the same poignant message of self-acceptance that's been touted throughout their career. They've affirmed many fans of who they are, but here, they're forcing them to wrestle with any persisting struggles with identity, duplicity, and self-love. The numerous tortured vocal deliveries and antiseptic, self-contained atmosphere provide a space to do just that. Each time I put on "Fake Love," I'm reminded of that conversation with my student. My only hope is that her younger sister--and ARMYs around the world--will use this song as a conduit through which they can love themselves just a little bit more, including their non-Korean cultural identities. [6]

Kat Stevens: My sister rang me up at the weekend to ask why we hadn't covered this song here at TSJ yet (for context: she also was furiously WhatsApping me during this year's Olympic closing ceremony, complaining that EXO were a poor substitute for BTS). I thought it only polite to give this a listen, and it's... inoffensive enough? A sanitised "Freek'N You", with a modern rattlesnake beat instead of a 90s drop-squelch. But I can't get over how miserable they all sound. Given recent events, it's hard to listen to this without feeling an unpleasant combo of guilt and concern. [4]

Jessica Doyle: "Look, Jungkook-ah," Bang Sihyuk said patiently, "we've already been over this. This song does everything we need it to do -- three hooks, for insurance's sake, plus time for Yoongi to give a vocal shrug, plus Taehyung in his lower register. Hell, we even got some chorus lines for Mr. Worldwide-Not-Known-for-His-Singing over there." (He paused while Seokjin took a mock bow and the other kids cheered.) "Meanwhile you guys get to sing about how alienated and isolated you feel when you're required to play your Bangtan-selves nonstop, constantly, for a global audience that demands cute, profound, sexy, politically aware, dramatic, creative, sentimental, glamorous, charismatic, and humble, at the same time all the time, even -- especially -- when you're not officially onstage. And it's perfect, because listeners will either classify 'Fake Love' as Tragically Passionate Bangtan à la 'Blood, Sweat, & Tears' or 'I Need U', or assume you're talking about all those other ARMYs. So you get to register the terror of the roller coaster with less risk of getting torn apart for daring to want the seat in the first place. Everybody gets what they want. Right? But in order for that to work, everybody must get what they want. So we're going to do this again, and this time you're going to lift the shirt. I don't care how angry or ambivalent you look while you're flashing the abs -- anger and ambivalence fit the concept just fine, honestly -- but the abs must be flashed." [7]

Anna Suiter: Fake Love feels almost neurotic at points. This is the most true in J-Hope's rap verse, which is delivered in a deliberately punctuated style that pushes the song forward in a way almost nothing else does. But it's a vocal part that sticks out the most--the English in Jungkook's part of the chorus. Even though I know it's supposed to be "love you so bad", it still sounds a bit like "lying's so bad" when I'm not listening too closely. I can't help but wonder if that choice in enunciation is intentional--the way "fake" is stretched out into two syllables in the chorus sometimes sounds like "sacred" to me. For a song that's about questioning some aspect of yourself in the face of a relationship, or about the things about love that you want to be true but aren't, maybe the English feeling a little bit ambiguous makes sense. At least it adds more texture, though it's not like Fake Love needed much more of that in the first place. [7]

Iain Mew: I still prefer my boyband angst explosively unleashed, but the whole beast in a velvet cage thing that the expansive sounds of "Fake Love" provide is a clever thematic fit for its awakening uncertainty. There's hurt with a mask of happiness and strength, a sorry that might or might not be genuine, and the lack of a single hard edge feels like the part of a dream that lets you realise it's a fake. [6]

Alex Clifton: I've listened to this song fifty times in the past two weeks. I can't remember the last time I did that with a new release. You'd think that by now I'd be sick of it, but I keep living in "Fake Love"; each time I hear it, it makes my body feel electric, like a jolt through my system. Part of why I love this song is because the emotions are anything but fake. The desperation in Jungkook's voice as he sings "love you so bad, love you so bad" is urgent, and Taehyung's follow-up line--"tried to erase myself and made me your doll"--aches with realness. For a song about falsehoods and lies and insecurity in identity, the production is solid: at this point, BTS are a band who know themselves, know their sound, and the confidence pays off. I don't know if this is actually a perfect song--for me, "Blood Sweat & Tears" is the ultimate BTS track--but everything about this hits all my pop buttons all at once and sends me straight to heaven. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta play this another fifty times. [10]

Thomas Inskeep: Just as BTS become truly global superstars, even hitting #1 on the U.S. album chart, they release a single that sounds oddly neutered -- and dull. Usually BTS records sound like events, but this is missing that urgency, that pneumatic thrust, and replaces it with an arrangement that sucks the energy out of the song. Here's hoping this is a rare misstep and not a sign of what's to come. [3]

Alfred Soto: If I'm going to endure a drop, let BTS do it, and if a track contains rote elements I'd rather BTS blast through them. The drillpress of a rhythm part remains tougher than the competition, though. If it's written in the stars that BTS will cross over, then "Fake Love" betrays no hints of dilution. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[angryhausfrau-writes]

Something Old and Something New - Chapter 5: It’s All Coming Together

A few weeks after she and Margaret get roped into Hawkeye and Trapper's little scheme, Kat comes home to a flurry of pink tulle blanketing the living room. In the center of the hurricane is Maggie – wielding a pair of scissors with gleeful abandon.

“Margaret, honey, what are you doing?”

Margaret looks up from her shears with a dangerous smile. “Exacting revenge.”

“Oh yeah?” Kat says in her best mobster voice. “Do I gotta send someone to sleep with the fishes?” And then in her normal voice. “I know some good piers to push people off of, Maggie, don't you worry. Whoever made that dress will never sew again, I promise.”

“No shoving people off of piers.” Margaret mock scolds. “It's pointless anyway, I bought it at a department store – and you can't shove the entire women's department of Kresge's off a pier.”

Kat's expression says just watch me, but what she actually says is, “Ok, no taking things out on the innocent shop clerks. Who do you really want to suffer?”

Margaret's response is immediate and full of invective. “Private Scully.”

Kat looks at her questioningly.

“You know,” Margaret insists, “that sonofabitch I dated after Ponobscott. Though I haven't exactly kept track of him - he may still be in Asia for all I know – so finding him to push off a pier may be difficult.”

Kat looks ready to attempt it regardless. Margaret really does love how far she's willing to go to take care of and protect her – even if these threats are mostly empty.

“Anyway the last time I wore this dress, it was for that dud of a soldier – and when I found it, I got so mad at him all over again. The inconsiderate fink.”

Part of it may have been that Margaret had found the dress completely accidentally. She'd actually been looking for a winter coat that had gotten shoved into the spare bedroom closet – a sort of overflow for her and Kat's closet that mostly houses out-of-season clothes and boxes of the kind of stuff you need to keep but don't want to trip over everyday. And in one of those boxes was the dress.

Just opening it and seeing that shade of pink had brought back that whole sorry episode. Suddenly, she was back in Korea – back with Scully and all the feelings of inadequacy and loneliness and longing he'd evoked.

Margaret isn't generally one for sentimentality – or at least that's what she tells herself. Growing up as an army brat didn't really allow for attachments to places, possessions, or people. And her father hadn't approved of womanly histrionics.

But the memories associated with it aren't exactly rose tinted. And Margaret is certainly one for holding a grudge. So when she'd found that dress. Well. There was really only one way to react.

“I just – I was spitting mad. Do you know what he wanted me to do? Do you, Kat? He wanted me to keep house with him if you can believe it – in the middle of an army camp I was in charge of running the nursing staff for!” Margaret puffs up in indignation. “He may have been on leave, but I certainly wasn't!”

“Uh huh,” Kat nods, “he sounds like a real charmer. So where does the dress come in? He want you to put it on and play wife?”

Margaret growls in frustration. “And then some. He said he couldn't see me as a real woman in army drag, wouldn't make time for me if I didn't put in the effort to look human – look womanly and sweet and welcoming. And stupid me! I wanted him – wanted someone - enough that I did it. This dress was the only civilian outfit I owned and he wanted to see me in it – wouldn't take no for an answer - no matter that I was too busy to play dress up or cook his food or do any of the other little domestic tasks he asked of me. So I put it on for him.”

“What a delightful man,” Kat says, sarcasm sharp enough to cut. “Kind, considerate of your feelings, attentive – what more could one ask for in a lover? Why, I'm surprised the two of you aren't still together.”

“He was a real loser,” Margaret agrees. “Which is why I'm taking my revenge!”

Margaret brandishes the scissors to emphasize her point and Kat backs away surreptitiously.

Maggie's always been an expressive person when she feels she's allowed. And it's nice that she's unwound enough around Kat to show that side of herself again instead of just buttoning everything up behind that inspection-ready front she'd worn since joining the army. Not letting anything show through the cracks until she got pushed far enough that the facade crumbled and she collapsed.

But despite her excitement, Maggie seems to remember that waving sharp objects around her face isn't the best idea. Which Kat is grateful for. Because despite them both being nurses and able to deal with various minor injuries and ailments, Kat really doesn't fancy having to sew up stab wounds this afternoon. It's the sort of thing that kills the mood.

At any rate, Maggie goes back to her dress demolition with a little less wild abandon than before. And Kat joins her, sitting cross-legged on the floor like a kid with piles of tulle piling in snowdrifts around her. There are certainly worse ways of spending an evening, after all.

After some almost meditative destruction, Margaret says, “I do feel sort of bad cutting it up.” After all, Max worked so hard to make it look nice and fit her better. Lost cause though it had been.

Kat peers closely at the fabric. “It is a nice shade of revenge.”

“Just not my style, I suppose. But maybe it'll be Charles and Marjory's.”

--

A few months or so after he gets invited to Charles's wedding, Steve heads down to Boston for a poker game. The last few had been called on account of snow, so he's looking forward to seeing Hawkeye and Trapper – and yes, even Charles – for the first time in a while.

The game's as good a time as ever, plenty of banter and good-natured ribbing. But Steve sort of feels like somethings different. And maybe it's just that he hasn't seen the others in a while – that he'd forgotten the rhythm of their jokes and repartee. But it also seems like maybe things are a little changed somehow. Like Charles is a little warmer, more friendly.

He'd never exactly struck Steve as the warm and cuddly type – especially to folks he'd thought he was better than. Which is most everybody, seems like. Hell, Charles hadn't started warming up to Steve til he found out he'd gone to Johns Hopkins – the snob.

That's not to say he's not a good friend, in his own way. Once you've befriended him, Charles will give you the silk shirt off his back - complaining heartily the whole time. So Steve guesses that what he's trying to say is that Charles's own way tends to be a little... stand-offish. And this is coming from the son of emotionally constipated Midwesterners.

But tonight, Charles is positively outgoing. Slapping Steve heartily on the back in greeting. Laughing and joking around in a way that's more lighthearted than snide. And then there's the fact that he won't shut up about his upcoming wedding – even though it's still months away.

It's sort of strange to think of Charles Winchester settling down. But he positively gushes about Marjory. About how beautiful and brilliant and wonderful she is. About how he can't believe he's lucky enough to get to marry her – to spend the rest of his life with her. Because he's not going to be the love 'em and leave 'em type, not with Marjory.

It makes Steve feel a little guilty.

He goes a little quiet, maybe. But Charles's unexpected jubilance ought to cover that over, right? Unfortunately, Steve isn't being quite subtle enough and Hawkeye and Trapper must pick up on it. Or at least Steve thinks they do.

They keep giving each other loaded glances over Charles's head – and not the kind of loaded glances they usually give each other. Or at least Steve hopes not since he's staying over at their house tonight on account of the late train not running in winter much and he'd rather not have to deal with his hosts screwing in the next room over. Not that they ever would, but if things are heading that way. Well. For politeness's sake, Steve would have to accept Charles's offer to put him up - despite it meaning that Steve would then have to spend even more time with him.

One evening is difficult enough. Particularly an evening like this which seems almost designed to make Steve feel guilty.

Fortunately, all Hawkeye and Trapper's looks seem to indicate is that they want to get home. So Steve follows them back to the house – and it's early enough still that he's not surprised when they herd him into the living room to sit and shoot the shit for a while. He is kinda surprised when Hawkeye slings his legs over Steve's lap and Trapper throws a companionable arm over his shoulders, effectively trapping him there with them.

“All right Steve, what's eating you?” Trapper asks.

And it would have been too much to hope that they weren't going to bring it up.

At least Trapper's question is born out of genuine concern. He pulls Steve closer to him and says, “You've been looking real morose all evening – and it ain't like you lost your life savings, cuz we don't play for cash without Margaret. So something's gotta be bugging you.”

“Something Charles Winchester related,” Hawkeye adds. “You kept looking at him out of the corner of your eye – and I doubt it's because you suddenly developed a schoolboy crush on him.”

The last is delivered teasingly and Steve laughs. “No, I'm more than happy with Millie. And Charles really isn't my type.”

“Too snotty,” Hawkeye says with a nod. “I completely understand.”

“It wedding related then?” Trapper asks. “Cuz there ain't that many reasons to be looking sideways at Charles.”

“Yeah, it's wedding related.” Steve sighs. “I guess I'm feeling kind of guilty about my part of the gift.”

“Yeah?” Trapper's giving Steve his full attention – and he wilts into Trapper's shoulder a little.

“Yeah.” Steve takes a breath. “Look, what are you guys doing for your quilt squares?”

“I'm sewing a Claddagh – you know, the hand and heart thing-” Trapper makes an approximation with his hands “-onto an old fatigue shirt.”

“Finally a good use for army issue duds,” Hawkeye interjects.

Trapper jerks a thumb at him. “And he's making some real pretty shit – go on and show him, Hawk.”

Hawkeye pulls out a piece of shimmery gray fabric with a wavy pattern of tiny copper leaves embroidered over most of it. It's absolutely beautiful. The kind of thing you treasure for years and pass down as an heirloom. Fuck.

“See, that's my problem. Everyone's doing these heartfelt traditional things – even you guys. And I was sure you were gonna take the opportunity to get one over on Charles. But you didn't, you did something sweet and meaningful and I'm. I'm just doing a joke.”

“You do know Sidney's doing a cross stitch that says “pull down your pants and slide on the ice” with little pink flowers around it, right?” Hawkeye asks.

That startles a laugh out of Steve. “Is he really?”

Steve turns to Trapper for confirmation and he nods. Sidney had called just last week and asked him and Hawkeye for advice on the appropriate level of twee-ness.

Hawkeye shakes his head fondly. “A fountain of profound wisdom, that man.”

“And he'd prolly tell you that Charles likes you for who you are – so you may as well embrace that. Make something personal, you know? It ain't like he's gonna be showing this off to all his snob friends, anyway. This is for us.”

Steve nods at that.

“Plus,” Hawkeye adds, “you're nuts if you think anything Margaret makes is gonna be tasteful.”

“Or Max.”

“Or BJ. I know for a fact that he's doing a really terrible pun on his.”

Steve smiles. “Thanks guys. I feel a lot better knowing how crass and terrible everyone else is being.”

Trapper slaps him heartily on the back. “That's us, crass and terrible.”

“He's crass, I'm terrible.”

“Where does that leave me then?”

“You can be thoughtless.”

“Gauche?” Trapper suggests.

“What about tasteless?”

“Wow, thanks fellas. You're really making me feel better about myself.” But Steve's got a smile on his face and Trapper figures he and Hawkeye have done their job. After a little longer chatting and joking around, they all sort of disentangle and go get ready for bed.

“BJ's doing a shitty pun, huh,” Trapper says as he and Hawkeye brush their teeth.

“That's what he said. Though he refuses to tell me what it is.” Hawkeye pouts around his toothbrush. “Tight lipped sonofabitch says I have to wait to see it in person. It better be one hell of a pun, that's all I can say.”

--

“Shit.”

“You stick yourself again, dear?”

BJ can hear the smothered laughter in Peg's voice even with her all the way in the kitchen.

“All I can say is, Charles had better appreciate the hell out of this present. I think I've given more blood for this thing than I did at the Red Cross blood drive.”

“Well, everyone knows it's the thought that counts. But I think it's coming along very nicely.” Even if Peg hadn't necessarily agreed with BJ's decision to make a pun rather than something more meaningful. But then again, she's not the one this is for – and she doesn't know Dr. Winchester's sense of humor or taste in presents. Doesn't know him at all except through BJ's stories about the man - and Hawkeye's letters about the wedding.

Of course, Max is the one actually coordinating things. But those letters tend to be focused on answering BJ's technical questions – and badgering him into having the quilt square done on time.

Hawkeye, on the other hand, is a wellspring of gossip. Who's making what, funny stories about wedding planning passed on from Marjory or Honoria, and Hawkeye's own opinions on the courting behavior of the upper-crust all feature in the nearly weekly reports from Boston. Along with descriptions of Hawkeye's day-to-day life.

This is something Peg has learned to be wary of, over the months since BJ came home. When Hawkeye starts being too candid – when he strays away from idle gossip and responding to BJ's own letters and starts talking about his life – his life with Trapper – that's when things get. Difficult.

And now there's the added wrinkle of BJ's feelings for Hawkeye. Feelings that may or may not be reciprocated. Feelings that Peg honestly isn't all that sure she knows how she feels about. Feelings that ought to make any mention of Trapper John McIntyre even more upsetting to BJ.

But it feels like the opposite has happened, in a way. With BJ able to put a name to what he's feeling – able to find a reason for his jealousy – he's lost a lot of that desperate, wild anger.

That's not to say that there haven't been some rough days. Days when BJ looks longingly at the liquor cabinet – emptied of bottom shelf gin since that last horrible night but still holding enough wine and scotch and whatever else to drown any kind of sorrow for a time. Or stoke any kind of anger. But on days like that, BJ has taken to going out with fellows from his motorcycle club - riding far too fast through the twisting mountain roads, until he can leave all his anger behind in the wind. And that brings its own sort of worry. But when he returns, his face raw with windburn and his eyes free of ghosts, Peg can't bring herself to tell him to stop.

And then there are the days when Peg finds BJ staring at old photographs from Korea like they hold the secrets of the universe rather than just images of himself and Hawkeye. Peg feels like maybe she ought to feel- she doesn't know, slighted somehow? Worried that her husband is so obviously in love with someone else, someone he'd known so intimately for so long? Because this isn't just a little fleeting crush, that much is obvious. BJ loves Hawkeye deeply. And with a love like that, well. What's left over for her?

But BJ isn't like that. He isn't going to leave her and the children. And as jealous and petty and silly about little things like emotional honesty as he can be, Peg knows there's enough love in her husband's heart for a hundred people, a thousand.

If it helps BJ, Peg can live with the shadow of Hawkeye Pierce in her house, in her bedroom, even – tucked under the covers between them, a breath passed between their lips when they kiss. He feels so real, from all of BJ's stories. Like he's always lived there. So it's not jealousy she feels. And, to be perfectly honest, Peg is rather looking forward to meeting the famous Hawkeye in person. To seeing if he's anything at all like the person she's built up in her mind.

So she had encouraged BJ to reach out to Hawkeye, to tell him some of what he's feeling – both to prepare him for the difficult conversation they're sure to have and to help BJ figure out what it is he actually wants to say when he has the opportunity. Because BJ is a good man and a wonderful husband, but he's really not very astute sometimes. And Peg wants this to work out – for all of their sake's.

BJ feels the same way, he says. And it's obvious that he's really honestly trying to figure things out, both with her and with Hawkeye.

And Peg thinks he's sort of latched onto the quilt project as a way of feeling connected to Hawkeye – and to a lesser extent, the other members of the 4077. It must be difficult for BJ, being the only one on the West coast. There's practically a little enclave in Boston – and Hawkeye makes it sound like there are regular meet ups with the rest of the folks living on the East coast. But BJ doesn't have anyone to meet up with, not who experienced the same things he did – who has that same understanding of the blood and the horror and the loss.

Peg can listen, of course. And BJ's started talking more about his time in Korea – something he'd initially shied away from, not that she can blame him. The stories he's telling now are full of more horrors than she could ever imagine. And that's the point – she can listen, but she can't understand. The only people who can really understand are the ones he went through those horrors with him.

So she's glad he's been able to keep his connection to Hawkeye – and she's looking forward to meeting him and the rest of BJ's friends from Korea in a few months.

--

A couple months before the wedding, Max starts getting quilt squares from all the 4077 folks. Plus Letta – and she's an honorary member of the MASH in Max's mind due to her tricking Dr. Winchester out of tons of money and then giving it all to a good cause. Anyone who can do that is worth bringing into the family, as it were.

And now that all the quilt pieces have arrived, its Max's job put them together.

She commandeers the dining room table – the largest flat surface in the apartment – earning a fond eye roll from Soon Li and excited curiosity from Seong. Max plops him in a chair on a towering stack of books so he can watch as she lays out the squares, moving them around to form something resembling a quilt. She'll sew everything up at the tailoring shop, but it'll help to get a good idea of what all she's working with before putting needle to cloth.

Fortunately, there's a sort of balance to the chaotic swirl of color and texture.

Margaret's pink monstrosity – which features golden swan appliques, the heads bent to form a heart shape with the necks – and Max's own gaudy Bedouin patchwork can sandwich the Padre's more sedate square – cream linen with black text and gold and silver embellishments. That all ties together nicely for the top row of the quilt. Max makes a note of their placement on her latest sketch.

Then Colonel Potter's log cabin square and Radar's prairie points obviously go with BJ's square. A nice little depiction of the 4077 signpost with the words “be it ever so rumble, there's no place like home.” Max laughs to herself as she notes that Radar's square forms a little hidden panel behind the inward pointing triangles – with a picture of two interlocking wedding rings quilted onto it – so she'll have to avoid sewing that over when she quilts the square. And that's the left side done.

Hawkeye and Trapper's squares stay together, obviously, to make up most of the bottom of the quilt. Steve's contribution – an anatomically correct heart with “home is where the heart is” emblazoned on it – goes between the two more sedate squares. And ain't that a kicker – Hawkeye making something beautiful and elegant instead of zany. Not that he doesn't have a touch of the romantic in him. But Max'd expected something more in line with Trapper's contribution. Meaningful but with a little bit of a sly dig in there. Hell, even the Father's choice of bible verse – all about humility and patience and love – could be read as a little something designed to take the wind out of Dr. Winchester's sails.

And Max isn't surprised at all by Sidney's contribution. And it's as good advice now as it was back in Korea. So she makes it the center of the final side of the quilt, bracketed by Letta's star pattern and Donna's interlocking wedding rings.

All that's left now is to fill in the gaps.

In addition to her own square, Max also made corner pieces with scraps of fabric left over from her other tailoring projects. And there's a center piece – with Dr. and Mrs. Winchester's names and the date of their wedding on it – made from some white satin taken from Max's own wedding dress. Soon Li didn't have any kind of emotional attachment to it and Max figures she's done getting hitched. And any kids they have that want to get married in a dress can get a brand new one courtesy of Max Klinger - professional tailor.

So with all the individual pieces done, all that's left is to sew everything together, slap a back on it, and quilt it so the stuffing don't fall out. Easy.

Well, not quite. She's got a few long nights ahead of her, trimming the pieces so they fit right together and join up square, then actually sewing everything together, then sewing batting and the back piece on with edge strips that have to be turned under and hemmed so no raw edges show, then quilting the whole thing in a pattern that both holds everything in place and also looks nice. It's a lot of work for sure – but she figures it'll be worth it to see the look on Dr. Winchester's face when he opens their present, sees what they've come together to make for him.

[thesportssoundoff]

“Short Notice PPVs are always wacky” The UFC 222 Preview

Joey

February whateverdaythisis

UFC 221 and UFC 222 sort of drink from the same bath water if we're being honest. The difference is that UFC 221 was an example of the worst of the worst case scenario short of cancelling a show. UFC 222 is the rarest example of doing the absolute best case scenario with the worst case scenario as the loss of a big time title fight somehow gave us a deeper card overall. UFC 222 has a very poor main event---but it's got a "star" and having a star is winning half the battle. The co-main event is a fantastic fight between two of the top 5 featherweights in the world with a title fight in the balance with a FRESH title challenger emerging for Max Holloway. You have big dudes Andrei Arlovski and Stefan Struve who add some size for those of us folks who like to see big dudes do big thangs. The rest of this card has a very distinct prospect feel as you have a heaping of good fights BUT a very clear direction where the fights that matter outside of those three are prospect building fights. For instance Sean O'Malley is the THIRD fight on the card, challenging a capable veteran test in Andre Soukhamthath in what should be a damn good fight. The top FS1 fight on the card is a fight designed entirely to get Mackenzie Dern over, drawing Ashley Yoder in a prospect tester fight. The one elite prospect at 135 lbs, Ketlen Vieira gets a massive step up in former title challenger Cat Zingano as well. Even Fight Pass has that kind of fight on it as prospect Jordan Johnson draws a HW dropping down to 205 in Adam Milstead. This isn't a great card but it is a card worthy of being on PPV, even if the main event isn't.

Fights: 12

Debuts: 3 (Yanit Kunitskaya, Mackenzie Dern, Alexander Hernandez)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 2 (Bobby Green OUT, Alexander Hernandez IN vs Beneil Dariush/Max Holloway OUT, Brian Ortega IN vs Frankie Edgar)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC): 8 (Frankie Edgar, Brian Ortega, Stefan Struve, Andrei Arlovski, John Dodson, Cyborg Santos, Bryan Caraway, Beneil Dariush)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  4 (Cat Zingano, Hector Lombard, Mike Pyle, Ashley Yoder)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  7 (Cyborg, Frankie Edgar, Brian Ortega, Bryan Caraway, Ketlen Vieira, Jordan Johnson, Cody Stamman)

Main Card Record Since Jan 1st 2016 (in the UFC): 18-11 Cyborg- 4-0 Yana Kunitskaya- 0-0 Frankie Edgar- 2-1 Brian Ortega- 4-0 Andre Soukhamtath- 1-2 Sean O'Malley- 1-0 Andrei Arlovski- 1-5 Stefan Struve- 2-1 Cat Zingano- 0-2 Ketlen Vieira- 3-0

Too High Up-  CB Dollaway vs Hector Lombard

A lot of people would point to Struve vs Arlovski and I can hear you out there. The problem with that argument though is that Struve/Arlovski on a card with two featherweight fights (one male, one female) and two bantamweight fights (one male, one female); you kind of need two big guys to entice people who only like big dudes. As stated before, there ARE fans who object to the lighter weight classes almost on principle and that in turn you probably could use a big boi fight for some much needed card variety. Instead I'll turn to Lombard vs Dollaway where both guys are in rough shape in their respective careers. Lombard is the ultimate example of the busted signing and since the start of 2015, he's 0-4-1 with 3 stoppage losses in the last 4 fights. On the other end of the coin, you have C.B Dollaway who is 2-3 in his last five fights and the last time he won at middleweight was in 2014 vs Francis Carmont. The last time Dollaway beat a dude coming off a win? The same year in March of 2014. Long story short, this fight being on the FS1 prelims just doesn't seem right.

Too Low- Bryan Caraway vs Cody Stamman

I know it's sort of done in by the fact that 7 of the 9 fights on the FS1 slate are at 155 lbs or lower BUT Stamman vs Caraway is a really intriguing fight. Since getting into the  UFC, Stamman showcased his wrestling en route to a big decision win over Terrion Ware and then followed that up by upsetting Tom Duquesnoy in a fight where dude pretty much did everything he wanted to do vs the more athletic Duquesnoy. Cody Stamman's overall game is about physicality and toughness complemented by some orthodox striking and top heavy wrestling and at this point, he's due a step up relative to divisional relevance. As such, this Caraway fight is a PERFECT clash between a good prospect and a good veteran----but it's basically buried as NOT EVEN THE FIGHT PASS HEADLINER. I disapprove.

Stat Monitor for 2018: Debuting Fighters (Current number: 4-8):  Yana Kunitskaya, Mackenzie Dern and Alex Hernandez

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 4-2): Brian Ortega, Alex Hernandez

Second Fight (Current number: 7-9): Sean O'Malley

Cage Corrosion (Current number: 5-5):  Adam Milstead, Bryan Caraway, Mike Pyle, Cat Zingano

Undefeated Fighters (Current number: 6-8): Kelten Vieira, Sean O'Malley, Jordan Johnson, Brian Ortega, Mackenzie Dern

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- So why should we care about this main event? What necessarily is the appeal or the allure of this fight? I know there's a sizable segment of the audience that's gonna want to see this title fight but I gotta admit that this is the first title fight in a long time where there's really nothing I care about. I'm not one of those folks who thinks dudes are right to walk out before a main event they don't give a shit about and I find it pretty unfortunate that I'm on the fence about even watching this main event. It's just hard to see anything about this fight that I feel any sort of general emotion about.

2- Is it fair to say that Yana Kunitskaya is the worst UFC title challenger since Chris Cariaso back in 2014?

3- I know a lot of people think that Cyborg stepped up to save this show but it seems obvious to me she's just trying to fight her way through her contract as quickly as possible. Works out best for both parties!

4- Frankie Edgar vs Brian Ortega is going to test how many MMA fans actually follow prospects vs the ones who pretend to follow prospects. I've seen a few knuckledraggers do the whole "The Answer is gonna derail the hype train!" bit and I've seen enough "Ortega will get exposed!" talk to the point I'm left wondering when MMA fans stop considering a dude to be a prospect. Brian Ortega is not a prospect. He is 27 years old with wins over Clay Guida, Renato Moicano, Thiago Tavares and Cub Swanson without spending more than five seconds thinking about his resume. He has showcased every skill necessary to ensure that there isn't one significant area in his game that is such a glaring unproven untested area as to put a cap on his ceiling as a pro fighter. We've seen him tested and we've seen him face adversity. Ortega isn't a prospect! What he is is a young PROVEN in his prime 145er facing another proven 145 lber. The idea that Ortega is some prospect who will eventually get exposed is flawed because if that's the case, it would've happened by now. You're no longer a prospect if you're seven years into your MMA career, have had six fights in the UFC and have main evented an event. As much as people want Brian Ortega to NOT be a thing, he is a thing and will continue to be a thing no matter what happens between Edgar and Ortega.

5- NOW if you wanna talk a hype train in some danger; Andre Soukhamtath vs Sean O'Malley. Let's briefly point out why this is the right idea; O'Malley is fighting in a division where everybody is pretty good. This isn't a 155 or a 170 where there's a sizable underbelly of fluff that exists to sort of allow certain fighters a chance to eat up on the mediocres. A lot of those dudes have either retired or been cut, leaving a really thick division with a lot of fighters who can all beat one another. Soukhamthath is probably at the very bottom of that totem pole; a guy who looks good in spurts but can be outworked and hurt. Stylistically he's a bit what O'Malley wants; a guy who will come forward at him in a straight line, not exactly give you a ton of craft and ultimately can be taken down or hit at will. NOW for why it might be a bad idea; Andre Soukhamtath has three UFC fights but in those three fights he's lost two split decisions (Albert Morales and Alejandro Perez) and iced Luke Saunders in a fight he was losing up until that point. He has dropped all three opponents he's faced so you know he hits hard. O'Malley CAN be hit, giving us an imminent sense of danger right off the jump. Soukhamtath also works at such a slow pace that he's probably not going to tire out compared to O'Malley who was sucking wind in a frenetic second round before finding a big energy jump in the third. This is, in many ways, a sneaky tough fight for a flawed prospect.

6- Andrei Arlovski staved off retirement by upsetting Junior Albini in a showcase fight for the diaper wearing Brazilian in November and his reward is a more appeasing stylistic matchup with Stefan Struve. The weird thing about Arlovski's fights these days is that he's not entirely faded to the point where you'd say he's done (he gave Overeem some tense moments against the fence, had spurts of success vs Josh Barnett and almost finished Marcin Tybura) but those glimpses are becoming less and less frequent. The same could be said for Stefan Struve who battled back from a broken jaw and some serious heart related issues to resume his MMA career to modest success. Struve had success vs Alexander Volkov but couldn't keep it up and in what has become a Struve habit; faded when the pressure got too hot and he couldn't get the fight to the ground. I guess my question is whether this is less a test about who has more to offer the heavyweight division but rather which guy has the most left?

7- So what's going to be our fight that gets cancelled the week of? Bonus points if you with "the day of" and get it right!

8-Fun debate to be had; is the UFC rooting for Ketlen Vieira to win so they have a new 135 super contender OR are they hoping for Cat Zingano to win knowing that Cat coming off a win probably makes for the most appealing 145 lb title fight Cyborg can have outside of a Nunes/Cybrog clash?

9- John Dodson has never lost two fights in a row BUT it feels like his career is heading in a pretty precarious place now. He's 3-3 in his last 6 with just one finish in those six fights. His calling card was "the smiling guy who moves really fast and hits really hard" but that loses its luster when you stop putting people out with frequent regularity. Now he's just the smiling guy who moves really fast and loses split decisions. Dodson vs Pedro Munhoz is the perfect fight for both guys as Munhoz needs a really legitimate win and Dodson could really use a dynamic performance to get his career sorted out. Both guys have something to offer the other which creates for, on paper at least, a really compelling clash with high stakes involved.

10- Does a finish get Jordan Johnson any sort of attention at 205 lbs?

11- Beneil Dariush has one of MMA's low key elite resumes at 155 lbs with Edson Barboza, Michael Johnson, Evan Dunham, James Vick, Tony Martin and Rashid Magomedov all on the resume. He just lacks the chin (and the requisite consistent pop in his hands) to really be considered among the tops in his division.  I also think he probably earned the win over Dunham in hindsight.

12- Wonder if  Mackenzie Dern gets the strawweight division out of this prolonged funk it's been in.

Must Wins

1- Frankie Edgar

At 36 years old, Edgar really really needs this one. A loss to Brian Ortega and you almost have to close the book on Frankie Edgar ever getting the 145 lb crown. Edgar is a hall of famer but at some point he's going to wake up and fight like a 36 year old who is heavily reliant on timing, explosion and quickness. Ortega is a really big dude for 145 lbs in build and bulk. He's more reminiscent of former Edgar rival Benson Henderson than any opponent that Edgar has faced recently at 145 lbs. He's massive, deceptively slick, a frequent powerful kicker and blessed with a wide array and assortment of submission tricks that Edgar will need to be mindful of. This is a toss up fight for me but for Edgar, if he doesn't win, you're left realizing that the bar has been set at 145 lbs and he's no longer in the necessary class to compete with the elite.

2- Sean O'Malley

The first name out of Dana White's mouth when he talks about star building is Sean O'Malley. I'm not as on board. O'Malley is a really fun fighter who has good fights and does have a bit of that star power vibe in the package.  The problem is that conversely, I feel like O'Malley flaws are a lot tougher to get away with at 135 than it would be at 185 and up. Soukhamthath is basically bottom of the barrel and he's still pretty damn good. This is an unforgiving division to be learning on the fly but O'Malley's gotta do it.

3- Mackenzie Dern

The UFC Is trying to jolt some life into their WMMA rankings and so Dern who is in that "good enough to beat 99% of the regional chicks but still too raw to make serious noise soon" is being tasked with...well...making serious noise soon. Dern's striking looked better but is a ways away---but her ground game is absolutely the key to her success going forward. Dern's job is going to be to beat up the sort of women who make up the "nameless faceless opponent" rankings at 115 and 125 lbs. Let's just hope the UFC learns to take it slow.

Five Can't Miss Fights

1- Brian Ortega vs Frankie Edgar

2- Andre Soukhamtath vs Sean O'Malley

3- Pedro Munhoz vs John Dodson

4- Andrei Arlovski vs  Stefan Struve (even if it's bad, it'll still be fun enough to laugh at)

5- Cat Zingano vs Ketlen Vieira

[ianmrid]

You Gotta Play Smart!

Something that Gen4 really goes hard into is expanding on the games lore, not just of the new Sinnoh region, but of the pokémon world as a whole. And needless to say it gets pretty weird.

There are lots of hints all over Sinnoh as to its history; ancient statues in Eterna City, a well-stocked library in Canalave City, various NPCs who seem very clued up, and even the regions Champion herself, Cynthia, who, along with her family, most notably her grandmother, are very interested in Sinnoh lore. They hail from Celestic Town, a place with ancient cave paintings which located very near the mysterious Mt. Coronet. Mt. Coronet is described in-game as the ‘Origin of Sinnoh’ and the climatic points of the story happen at its peak, an area known as Spear Pillar.

As is to be expected, this story involves the evil team of team of the region: Team Galactic. Lead by Cyrus, Team Galactic are attempting to capture one or both of the box-art Legendary pokémon; Dialga (a Steel-and-Dragon-type with power over time) or Palkia (a Water-and-Dragon-type with power over space). With them captured, he plans to remake the world anew for....reasons. He seems to want a world without the human spirit or emotions because he thinks they are bad, so he realy just comes across as a bit of a moody nihilist. Anyway, whatever his reasons he plans to do this capturing the Lake Guardians (Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf), another Legendary Trio of pokémon representing Knowledge, Emotion, and Willpower, and who have the power to contain and control Dialga/Palkia..

Being the god-damn hero that you are, you free the Lake Guardians and then leap in to battle and capture or defeat one or both of Dialga/Palkia before the third member of the Creation Trio appears - Giratina, a Ghost/Dragon type with power over anti-matter. They drag Cyrus off to the Distortion World, a place where time and space have no meaning. You and Cynthia follow to try and save Cyrus and once you battle and capture or defeat Giratina, you will appear back in Sinnoh in the mysterious and confusing Turnback Cave which now provides a second portal between the main world and the Distortion World (and another chance to catch Giratina if needed). Cyrus however, with his plans in ruins, stays behind in the Distortion World, never to be seen again.

All in all, this is a pretty good plot, but it starts to get even more interesting with all the expansions to the lore. From talking to NPCs or reading books in Canalave library, you learn that the Original One - a pokémon called Arceus - hatched from an egg and created both Dialga and Palkia. The Lake Guardians were then also created by Arceus in order to use Dialga and Palkias mastery of time and space to create the Sinnoh region, and indeed all of the pokémon world:

In the beginning, there was only a churning turmoil of chaos. At the heart of chaos, where all things became one, appeared an Egg. Having tumbled from the vortex, the Egg gave rise to the Original One. From itself, two beings the Original One did make. Time started to spin. Space began to expand. From itself again, three living things the Original One did make. The two beings wished, and from them, matter came to be. The three living things wished, and from them, spirit came to be. The world created, the Original One took to unyielding sleep...

Further discussions with Cynthia expands on a forgotten part of this myth: Giratina, which seems to have been banished to the Distortion World for its violent nature:

When this world was made, Dialga and Palkia appeared. Apparently, there was one more Pokémon that appeared at the same time. A Pokémon with as much power as Dialga and Palkia...But also one whose name was never to be spoken--Giratina! It's said to lurk in another world... A world on the opposite side of ours...

Clearly there are lots of parallels with many real-world creation myths here and this essentially makes Arceus the pokémon God, and Giratina the pokémon Devil. This is pretty cool, and it also means the pokémon God kinda looks like a fancy robot horse that got stuck in a gold fence.

Another thing I like is that Cynthia speculates that maybe, as with all good myths and legends, they arose as ancient people struggled to explain the insanely powerful pokémon they were encountering. Dialga uses a move called Roar of Time and Palkia uses Spacial Rend so it must have seemed to people as if they really did control space and time themselves. However the reality is, of course, lost in the depths of time.

Not all the myths and legends are related such weighty topics as  the creation of all things, but are no less wild all the same.In various places we learn all sorts of things. Firstly a folk story about why pokémon appear in tall grass:

Long ago, when Sinnoh had just been made, Pokémon and humans led separate lives.That is not to say they did not help each other. No, indeed they did.They supplied each other with goods, and supported each other. A Pokémon proposed to the others to always be ready to help humans. It asked that Pokémon be ready to appear before humans always. Thus, to this day, Pokémon appear to us if we venture into tall grass.

This absolutely didn’t need an explanation, but I love that they bothered! Next up is a rather long story that seems to suggest the origins behind the fact that people don’t seem to use weapons in the pokémon world, instead using pokémon battles (Spoiler Alert: it’s because someone got sad that he killed loads of pokémon with a sword):

A young man, callow and foolish in innocence, came to own a sword. With it, he smote Pokémon, which gave sustenance, with carefree abandon. Those not taken as food, he discarded, with no afterthought. The following year, no Pokémon appeared. Larders grew bare.The young man, seeking the missing Pokémon, journeyed afar. Long did he search. And far and wide, too, until one he did find.Asked he, "Why do you hide?" To which the Pokémon replied..."If you bear your sword to bring harm upon us, with claws and fangs, we will exact a toll. From your kind we will take our toll, for it must be done. Done it must be to guard ourselves and for it, I apologize". To the skies, the young man shouted his dismay. "In having found the sword, I have lost so much. Gorged with power, I grew blind to Pokémon being alive. I will never fall savage again. This sword I denounce and forsake. I plead for forgiveness, for I was but a fool". So saying, the young man hurled the sword to the ground, snapping it. Seeing this, the Pokémon disappeared to a place beyond seeing...

Yet another story seeks to remind us again that people EAT pokémon which although it makes in one way, since pokémon are the substitutes for animals in the in-game world (and they also eat each other as confirmed in many Pokédex entries), they are also shown to be not just sentient, but highly intelligent beings. So this is more than a tad creepy, especially with how much they really want you to pick the bones clean...

Pick clean the bones of Pokémon caught in the sea or stream. Thank them for the meals they provide, and pick their bones clean. When the bones are as clean as can be, set them free in the water from which they came.The Pokémon will return, fully fleshed, and it begins anew.

The eating of pokémon is even weirder when you consider the most insane myths: that pokémon and people were so close in ancient times that they were seemingly interchangeable:

There lived a Pokémon in a forest.In the forest, the Pokémon shed its hide to sleep as a human. Awakened, the human dons the Pokémon hide to roam villages. 

Within the newborn spirit, time and space were intertwined as one. People and Pokémon, too, were but the same presence. As I understand it, people and Pokémon shared the spirit and awareness. They should have understood and accepted each other then. Because they shared the same spirit, people and Pokémon intermingled. People took the place of Pokémon, and the opposite also held true. That interpretation could give us an idea about how our world came to be. 

Which leads us to our climax of insane myths: people and pokémon used to be able to get married!!!! Sensibly, in western releases, this line was altered to replace ‘get married’ with ‘eat at the same table’, but the whole marriage thing was left in the Japanese text, so it is basically cannon. Talk about giving carte blance to the Rule34 folk on deviantart!

There once were Pokémon that became very close to humans. There once were humans and Pokémon that ate together at the same table. It was a time when there existed no differences to distinguish the two.  

Of course, a lot of this doesn’t make much sense, but to be fair, that is true of the myths and legends in the real world too. I just love all this stuff; people inhabiting the in-game world using powerful pokémon to explain the natural world is very cool. However, with the pokémon in question being objectively real in-game, this adds a further blurring between the truth and the legend. Did a 10 year old actually capture the pokémon Devil? Maybe he really did.