#we got some good things out of it specifically mai's aunt and a little more time with her mom

[swan2swan]

Remembering how the comics even ruined the Earth King's character... the feats in that were staggering

[introvertedelf]

The Daughter of Iron-Tony Stark x Daughter!reader Story

This story is on my Wattpad (IntrovertedElf) but I’m posting here too!

Tony Stark-Genius, Billionare, Playboy, Philanthropist.

But about the 'playboy' part-Tony had a one night stand 20 years ago. Ok, he had a lot of one night stands 20 years ago. But one of them resulted in a daughter. And he never knew about her, until now.

TW: This story contains heavy and mature themes such as: sexual content, rape, torture, parental death (the OC's mom), and probably more. But it WILL have a happy ending.

Chapter 1

It was your second year of Uni. You were the bright age of 20, felt like you had the world in your hands.

You were studying science—chemistry to be specific. You always loved the subject, so you figured that would be a good way to go.

You were brilliant, truly. Your mom used to tell you that all the time, but you would always just shake your head. Since your mom died from cancer, nothing was the same. Everything reminded you of her. It had only been a year. It took everything in you to even be able to muster up the strength to enroll in a university.

You sat down in class, looking beside you at your best friend: Peter Parker. He was all you had left. Your dad who you never even met before apparently didn't give a shit about you, and you never had any other lasting friends besides Peter. You didn't even know your father's name. Your mom had just said it was a mistake, though she was grateful to have you.

He nudged your shoulder, and you came back to Earth.

"Y/N, you good? You're doing that zoning out thing again," he said, chuckling at you.

"Yeah, I'm good," you lied. Peter never bought your lies, and he quirked a brow at you. "Ok ok, I just have a lot on my mind, I guess," you shrugged.

He let out a sigh. "Y/N, you need to get out more. When you're not in class you're just cooped up in the dorm. I'm worried about you..." he said with concern knitted in his brow. You hated that look of pity. But Peter understood what it was like to lose your parents. To grow up without them. But at least he had aunt May still.

"Pete, I'm—" you were about to say you're 'good' again, but you caught yourself. "Fine. What do you want from me?"

He grinned at you mischievously. "Since I just started the internship at the Avengers tower, you should come. I can totally get you in."

You didn't know about him being spider man yet. So the internship seemed purely academic to you. "What? Peter, I can't ask that of you...besides. I doubt Stark wants his annoying little intern's best friend around to annoy him too," you huffed.

"Y/N, pleaseeeee, just come with me tonight. Mr. Stark won't mind. Plus, he has Dr. Banner there now, and he could use a hand. One of his specialties is chemistry, too." When you didn't reply, he started begging again. "Pleaseeee—"

"Okay! Fine. I'll go with you. But you have to call Mr. Stark beforehand so it's not awkward. I don't want to just show up uninvited..."

He smirked at you. "Deal."

***

You paced around your dorm room, waiting for Peter to get off the phone with Mr. Stark.

"Thank you Mr. Stark! Trust me, she's brilliant, you won't regret—ok, sorry, see you soon!" He hung up, looking at me excitedly. "Guess what??"

You perked up, though you had a lump in your stomach. What if you weren't good enough? What if he told Peter not to bring you back?

"He said you can come! He said Bruce is working on some chemistry shit and needs help. We have to leave soon, you ready?"

I nodded, getting my crossbody bag and stuffing an extra notebook and pens in there just in case.

We got on the bus, arriving at the tower soon. "Oh and I forgot, you'll get to meet the Avengers", Peter said excitedly. Your jaw dropped. You never thought—omg. Peter knew how much of a crush you had on several of them. Specifically Bucky and Cap. "Try not to drool everywhere, m'kay?" Peter teased you.

You elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up. I swear if you say anything!"

You got off the bus, heading into the tower. You followed Pete as he ushered you into the elevator, when an arm stopped it from closing and came in with you. A rather large arm, you should say.

Before your eyes was Steve Rogers. You felt your body tense up, looking at the behemoth of a man before you.

"Hey Peter," he said, patting him on the shoulder as he looked at you.

"Oh Cap this is Y/N, she's going to be interning with me for Dr. Banner," he smiled.

Steve looked down at you, and you felt very short. "Hi Y/N, Pete here talks about you all the time, nice to put a face to the name," he said, looking you up and down with a wide smile. He put his hand out, and you shook it, squeezing it like you were taught. Firm handshakes said a lot about a person. "Quite the grip you've got there, gorgeous," he said with a wink, disappearing out of the elevator as you got to the floor.

You stood there practically hyperventilating as Peter laughed at you silently. "Somebody has a crusshhhh, somebody has a—ow!" You flicked him in the nose. "Come on, the lab is this way."

You followed him, still thinking about the fact that Steve Rogers called you gorgeous. When you got to the lab, you practically melted. It was *huge*, and everything was up to date and sparkling.

You saw Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner in a corner talking, and you and Peter approached them.

"Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner," Peter started. "This is Y/N."

They both turned to look at you. Bruce smiled and shook your hand, while Tony just stared at you. Finally he put his hand out for you to shake.

"Y/N. Peter never shuts up about you. I hope you're all he led you on to be. You'll be with Bruce today working on some chemical equations," he said, his eyes strangely familiar to you. You couldn't explain it. I mean, you saw him on TV a lot, maybe that was it.

You swallowed. "Thank you so much for this opportunity, it means more to me than you know," you said.

Tony nodded at you, leading Peter off somewhere and leaving you with Bruce.

"Alright miss Y/N, I've got some equations here that need solving. Let's see what you can do," he smiled softly.

You took out your pen and solved them in no time, and apparently way faster than Bruce would have thought because he seemed shocked when you told him you were done.

He looked the paper over, checking it. "Alright then. That was clearly way too easy for you. Looks like we've got a new intern," he smiled, shaking your hand again.

The rest of that day you didn't see Tony or Peter again, and you helped Bruce with whatever he needed. When the sun set, Bruce said he was ready to call it for the day. He led you out to the common area, and you sat on the couch until you fell asleep.

Finally, Peter walked in with Stark, and chuckled. "Looks like Dr. Banner tired her out," Peter said, his arms crossed.

"Looks like it. I want both of you here every day after school, deal?" Tony said, patting Peter on the back.

"Deal," he tried to contain his excitement. Tony walked off and Peter nudged you awake before you went off and took the bus back to your dorms.

***

Authors note:

hiiii I hope yall enjoyed the first chapter. It was just like a 'setting up the story' chapter. I'm publishing these as I go to get motivation to keep going from my readers 😭

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

adopting a pet with the avengers!

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 911

request: yes / no

original request: hello good fellow. can you do a headcanon set on adopting a pet with the avengers? thanks

dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)

characters: mainly tony stark, scott lang, reader, peter parker, harley keener, miles morales, and bruce banner!

a/n: bucky + alpine = fave duo ever. OK maybe natasha & liho too. and clint and lucky. there are so many good pets already in marvel (usually just comics tho smh) so i had some stuff to go off of. THANK YOU FOR THIS REQUEST i loved writing it <3

taglist: @nutellani @thecloudedmind

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

-----------------------✰----------------------

you had been BEGGING tony to let you get another pet

bc a few of them already lived at the tower

lucky, liho, and alpine

but you wanted a dog.

not just any dog

specifically a puppy 

and miles, peter & harley were on ur side

especially harley bc he rly wanted a dog

so one day when tony got rly tired of y’all asking him, he came up with an idea

“tell you what. how about you kids make a petition. if you can get a decent amount of signatures, i’ll consider getting you a puppy.”

and that was good with u!!

i mean u were all taking government class at midtown so this was gonna be easy

the first person you went to was scott

bc he’s scott, he wasn’t gonna have an issue with a puppy right

right?????

but when you asked him, he seemed kind of sad for some reason.

and when you asked him why?

“well, it’s just… i don’t want my ants to feel left out.”

“scott, i don’t think they would feel left out. you love those things more than anything!”

“yeah.. you’re right. ant-onio banderas won’t be mad right? or ant-ibacterial? oh, hopefully if they’re mad, it won’t be permen-ANT!!!”

you got the signature and left asap because once scott says one pun he takes like hours to figure out another

love him though

so next you went to clint

and he was more than happy to sign!!

bc ofc lucky would love a little friend

and natasha was there too

she was a little more hesitant bc liho is rly sweet but kinda skittish

but you convinced her because you told her how cute it would be if they loved each other & like you could get the cute stock photos of a dog & a cat together or something

thor was totally on board

because he’s thor ofc

and thor loves puppies

“y/n, this is so exciting! i remember when i got my first pet!! well, it turned out to be loki in disguise. it was still very exciting, though!!”

oh btw miles and peter signed 

they were ur first signatures!!!!!!

next up was sam, bucky, and steve

and you and harley decided you needed a little extra push to convince them

so you made a powerpoint presentation. 

and it was awesome

like you may have used every single available transition

twice

maybe three times each

like i said it was awesome

maybe a little excessive

but awesome!!!

steve kept making you go back a slide because he was taking notes

TAKING NOTES

what a nerd, am i right???

jk we love steve rogers in this house

anyways then they deliberated

and they made you and harley go stand outside the room

it literally felt like shark tank you guys

well not the standing outside while they decide but still

but they signed it yippee!!!!

bruce and wanda signed quickly too

especially bruce was really excited

i feel like he would totally be a dog person 

like he prob had a puppy when he was young that he really loved

you even went over to the sanctum sanctorum to get stephen and wong to sign it!!!

and they did!!!

well wong did

and then he forged strange’s signature for you

wong supremacy fr

you were on a roll

you got aunt may to sign it. you got phil coulson to sign it (pretend he’s alive oml sry yall) you got maria hill to sign it.

hell, nick fury even signed it!!!!

so you took it back to tony

and he was like 

“woah this is a lot more than i expected”

AND SO HE TOOK YOU TO GET A PUPPY!!

and y’all

you and peter, harley, and miles found the cutest one

a little german shepard 

w like the floppy ears & stuff?

oml he was so cute

tony kept saying his named was tony jr

but you told him no

but he kept saying it

ok, live in ur fantasy world ig stark!!!!

jk love him

anyways you named him max!!!

bc yes!!!!

and you took him back to the tower

thor was really excited and max like totally loved him from the start fr

any time he liked ripped up the furniture or smth thor would just hold him with one hand and take him around

but he was happy so he was like wagging his tail and stuff

sam and bucky looked like they didn’t like the dog at first

but then alpine was like obsessed with it and so bucky had to like him

and max kept sitting on sam and licking him

and he was like “omg stop”

but he was laughing so you knew you were good

tony and bruce even built a little spot for max in the lab

and a bunch of like cool toys for him

max was the perfect dog for y’all bc like he loved everyone and everyone loved him

every night he slept in a new room & he loved to play 

he ran with y’all too when you had to run so it was way more fun

suddenly dr strange was over at the tower a lot more…

he’s such a softie

and scott loved him too they were best friends

tony was just proud of himself for “teaching you to be good citizens”

HAHAHA

dw y’all he loved the dog too

just trust that max is the most spoiled dog EVER!!

-----------------------✰----------------------

[gaybananabread]

okey okey since we got tadashi can we also se Hiroshima headcanons

omg i would love to see them especially made by you

have a grate day/ night

🫶🫶🫶

💻⚡️Hiro Hamada Tkl Headcanons🕹🤖

~AN: Awww thank you! I’m gonna assume that auto-correct happened and you meant Hiro. I've been rewatching the series, and a lot of people point out his age and size. Poor boy looks so uncomfy when they do! Incorportaeted that a bit cuz I can- These reqs are so fun to do! I get to ramble without all the stress of a fic! ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ ) Anyhow, thank you for requesting!~

General:

Hiro feels like he’s looked down on by others for his age/younger appearance.

For that reason, he strayed away from tickling in public and around his friends.

Fortunately for his mental health, he’s got a whole gang of buddies who helped him work through that backwards thinking (see lee section). 

Baymax may or may not have downloaded a new program specifically for tickle cheer-ups/therapy. Definitely not prompted by said friends…

Slowly, they got through to him. Turns out, once he got past the anxieties and irrational embarrassment, it’s actually kinda fun for him. Only with certain people, though, for both giving and receiving.

He gives lee vibes, so maybe a lee-leaning switch? Ler moods happen too, but they take time.

Lee:

At first, it took major getting used to. It was normally okay with Tadashi; he always meant well, and Hiro trusted him more than anyone. 

After he was gone, the boy really only trusted Aunt Cass. Even then, only light pokes or quick squeezes were allowed before he started thinking too much.

Once his friends helped him move past all the bad thoughts, he was much more open to the touch around them. In moderation, of course, but it was a start.

His worst spots are his knees and ribs. Surprisingly enough, he melts into bubbly, airy giggles when they go for his belly.

Super squeaky, bright giggles in general. When he really gets going, his laugh is loud and pitchy, full of little squeals and voice cracks. So, in other words, incredibly adorable-

His favorite lers are Honey Lemon, Wasabi, Go-Go, and of course Baymax. He’s obviously comfortable with Cass tickling him, but it’s sort of like being really vulnerable around your parents. Great sometimes, but not always the ideal situation.

Honey is just really sweet in general, always asking if he’s comfortable or in need of a break. Super nice about everything, and only goes as far as he asks. It can be really flustering, but he knows she means well. She smiles nearly as much as he does; it’s refreshing.

Wasabi is normally super selective about his touch, but if he’s in the right mood, he’ll tease Hiro all day. Typically super gentle; tickle hugs are generously given. Super methodical, makes little notes, out loud, about his spots and reactions.

Go-Go doesn’t tickle him often, but when she does…eugh boi. If it’s a really good day, and he’s in a massive lee mood, he’ll go to her for help. She’s a lot rougher than the others, unless he asks her not to be. Goes for his ribs almost immediately. She’ll never admit it, but she likes hearing his awkward laugh.

Baymax will tickle Hiro with some of the ~special features~ Tadashi installed. He can extend small little quill-tip like objects from his fingers. He's very gentle, only tickling Hiro lightly to cheer him up and get him used to feeling confident in his likes again. If needed/requested, though, he can definitely get full-on belly laughter from him.

He’s definitely a squirmer, no matter who’s getting him. Wiggles around and flails like a fish on a hook.

Ler:

Once he realizes most of his friends love the touch, Hiro starts getting ler moods.. 

The only one he ever really tickles is Honey Lemon. She gets lee moods pretty often, and will drop subtle hints to see if Hiro’s in the right mood.

He’s kinda shy until he gets in the groove of things. After that, he gets all snarky and smug; it’s all in the name of fun, though.

“This spot must be pretty bad if you’re laughing that hard~” “I’m barely touching you!” “Wow, that looks like it really tickles. Think I’ll stay here a while~”

All that confidence immediately dies when they ask for more or compliment him. He absolutely cannot handle what he dishes out.

Will blush as bright as the sun at a simple tease from his lee. We all know how Honey loves complimenting people. A few simple, sweet praises through her giggles, and he’s redder than she is!

She absolutely lets him tickle her.

While he would try, we all know the stringbean wouldn’t be able to actually pin any of his friends without help from his suit. He’s gotten stronger from hero work, but so have they.

The others don’t really ask him much, except for maybe Fred every blue moon. He’d normally bug Go-Go, but Hiro’s his backup if she isn’t available. 

I’d say he’s in between a rough and soft ler. Likes to poke and gently scribble, but he can and will dig in if the situation calls for it (or if he just feels like being a meanie). 

[iminyourwallsbabe]

That's just a theory, a JACKSON'S DIARY THEORY

yeah if you haven't guessed by the title, I have a THEORY (there will be spoilers for like... all of it)

Okay so yk how the contents of Jackson's diary have an affect on real life and people are split on whether or not Exer's feelings for David are real or not because of that? I have come to answer that question.

Okay so the diary entry that is credited to Dexer becoming a thing is an entry about Jackson kissing Pamela and how he felt when it happened. Taken out of context, it isn't remotely specific enough to suggest that when it manifests in Exer's life it would have to happen with a male or female, it could literally have been anyone. And even if it did have more specifics, there's no guarantee they would've held any weight.

This is a trend we see often in regards to the diary. Yes, he may have written down or drawn an event but that doesn't mean it'll play out exactly the way he wrote it. For example, the empanada entry. Exer still got empanadas, but not from his aunt like the diary entry says.

I think another layer of it is also that Jackson's feelings and Exer's magic are deeply connected and the diary only makes that bond stronger. Think about the first season. Jackson was really nervous and stressed along with other things and it only got worse as time progressed. As those feelings got more intense and overwhelming, Exer began to lose control of his magic. This is no coincidence, because we see it again as Jackson works to get his mental health back in a good place. As he recovers, Exer's magic gets a little more manageable too. They don't make these progressions at the same speed, but they're happening at the same time which is what's important here. I say all this to say that Exer's feelings for David are 100% genuine and probably go back further than the story let's on because they're tied to Jackson's feelings towards Pamela.

Unfortunately, this most likely means that if for some reason, Jackson and Pamela were to split, David and Exer might as well. This all depends on how the diary interprets his entry about it, if he even writes one, and how strong his feelings are. Either way, Exer's feelings, magic, and love life are all heavily dependent on Jackson. Who is on the receiving end of any of this, however, is not something Jackson can control.

[pixeldotgamer]

✨All My WIP Projects✨

Since the results of that Twitter poll I did show people REALLY wanna know what I'm working on, I figured I'd just announce/summarize most of the things I have in development right now!

This will be pretty long so it's getting tucked under a read more!

Don't Tell My Wife / DTMW (Game, Horror VN) Status: Active Development

DTMW is my entry for SuNoFes2024 on Itchio! Folks may actually recognize this one as I streamed some concept art a while back, and even posted some as well!

This game focuses on a Husband and Wife in the woods. Specifically, the Husband and something he's been trying to plan for a while. Now there's only one week left and his Wife has taken notice.

"You have one week to get your plans sorted. You thought you had more time than this. Don't let her find out."

---

Treacherous Flesh (Game, RPGMaker Horror) Status: Research & Writing

TF follows the story of Ila, a woman who contracts a deadly illness and must wait 8 months for treatment. The game follows her over that time as her symptoms worsen, and her body turns against her.

Like many of my projects, TF pulls from a personal feeling. This game is an outlet for my own ongoing health problems. I started working on this game after being told I had to wait 8 months for an ultrasound I need for diagnosis. It's month 4 of 8 now.

Probably the most outright depressing thing I'm working on, this game actually means a lot to me. This is an outlet, but I'm also hoping it resonates with people who may be going through what I am.

---

Dead Girl's Club (Game, VN) Status: Research & Writing

DGC follows a girl from a religious cult town tracking down the male "murderers" of girls from said town. The game is a very blatant look at the transmasc experience tackling themes of family, community, passing, more.

---

Computer Angel (Game, Point & Click/Interactive Fiction, Horror) Status: Concept Development

Computer Angel comes from my own fascination with the concept of "angels speaking to you through your screens" and such, whether for horror or comfort.

In CA, your aunt has just passed away suddenly and you end up with her computer. As you investigate the machine to use for yourself, you realize there's something in the computer. Something that would very much like to make your acquaintance.

With 3 narrative paths depending on your choices, I want CA to be a spooky and surreal little game! While the concept has been fleshed out, this one is on the back burner until I dedicate myself to learning GameMaker which is the engine I want to use.

---

Pop-Rock & Curly (Game, Point & Click) Status: Research & Writing

A brainchild of mine from 2019, where I said to myself "What if I made a detective/robber OCs but they're lesbians?" and then PR & C just. existed in my brain?

After just having them rattling around in my brain but never drawing them more than once, I decided to adapt them into a game! I've always had a love of P&C games, so it only makes sense I take a stab at one (Art from 2019)

The game follows detective Pop-Rock, who is personally requested by Curly to help as she rats out her no good boyfriend who has stolen a big flashy item. Using this as a chance to improve her reputation, PR ventures into the cities criminal underworld.

---

Juno Law (Game, VN) Status: Pre-Dev Done, Art Concepts Started

Juno is what I'd call my first "modern" game idea, the first game idea I can pinpoint where looking at it I could go "Wait this could actually be a game!" Basically a "what if I made an PWAA game" type deal

We got lawyers, punny names, gimmicky designs, and more! While not what I would call a fangame, Juno is meant to be my love letter to Ace Attorney that I started cooking up after playing the main 6 games. I actually was pursuing this as my first game!

Juno is a LARGE game. The biggest of anything even on this list in scale. Because of that, I've had it on the back burner since I finished the full game notes back a few years ago. The game is completely outlined! All characters, trials, plot lines, all of it!

I'm really passionate about Juno, but I knew I had to be honest with myself; This is just too much for my first game! My weakest skill, in my opinion, is my writing. So, starting out with massive narrative VN? Maybe not, haha. Someday though, I want to make it.

---

7. Cleopocha (Game, ???) Status: Concept Development

Cleopocha is about an android idol named Chapel, who starts dreaming of their past personas. It's a game largely about identity and asking what do we own those who came before us, especially when we don't remember them?

My current sticking point with Cleopocha is actually genre! The story I want to tell needs breathing room in a way a VN can't provide, but I'm unsure if an RPGMaker type game is quite right. What should the gameplay even be? Those kinda questions 🤔

---

A2amB (Podcast, Liminal Space Horror) Status: Research & Writing

I've had this fascination with doing some kind of story based podcast as far back as 2019, where the title A2amB comes from! The name is a placeholder from the idea I had way back then. (Art from 2019)

The story now is WAY different than the first concept. Salvaging characters and concepts from a MOTW campaign I was running, the podcast is now about a liminal space mall and the people stuck within it. (Art from Aug 2023)

Casey Day, local computer repairmen and burnout, gets dragged into the liminal mall and is stuck fumbling around trying to get out again. Besides twisting halls, a mannequin cult, and unpleasant personalities - Casey will also be haunted by his own issues.

I've been on a steady dev pace with A2amB, but I'm still figuring out what I want from the story, as well as how I want to deliver it. So currently I'm just locking down the pacing and themes in a way I find satisfying. I'll probably have to trim a lot of ideas..

---

And there's the bulk of what I'm working on! I need to refine my pitch process a bit, but I honestly just love gabbing about ideas!! I have no set release dates for these projects, they'll happen when they happen! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[flesh-into--gear]

@rozecrest this was just easier but im so glad you liked it!

honestly you can't go wrong with any of his albums.

Purgatory is hilariously strong from start to finish and has these tracks which i love (i love the whole album but, in order)

I Swear (To God)

Feathered Indians

Tattoos

Purgatory

Universal Sound

Lady May

Live at Red Barn Radio I & II in absolute entirety tbh but the usual standouts are here

Shake the Frost

Deadman's Curve

Charleston Girl

Rock Salt and Nails

Follow You To Virgie (oof, about his mom, its a hard listen some days but FUCK its good.)

Bottles and Bibles

Country Squire was a mild style change-up, a little more honky-tonk. it's got some great tracks on it but it was also a mild writing departure for him as well, focusing a little more on country tropes and a LOT more tongue in cheek (the song Ever Lovin' Hand is a masturbation joke wrapped in a song about missing the person you love a lot). probably his weakest album? but:

Creeker

House Fire

Peace of Mind

All Your'n

Long Violent History is a kinda cool album, it's all instrumentals, old school holler jams and stuff. kinda hard to get into unless you're from that kinda thing i would assume? just reminds me of when i was a kid at thanksgiving and christmas back when we still spoke to my dad's side, and he and my uncles and one of my aunts would all get together and jam on some old gospel and bluegrass tunes. everybody brought instruments.... ah well. but i digress. you can take me out of the country but ill always be a big tomboy butch who gets a little too excited around jacked up trucks of a specific set of years, or the smell of gas and oil in the morning.

Can I Take My Hounds To Heaven i admittedly completely checked out on because i was deep in covid depression throes so i can't and won't comment because it won't be an accurate representation so.

Rustin' In The Rain I still haven't taken time to fully check out, as im working through a music backlog, but.

In Your Love is an incredible song and go watch the video because it cut me deep as fuck. i know a lot of people still stuck in those mines and i have friends with family members dying today because of coal companies. and im a trans woman from backwoods VA with all my roots in Appalachia from both sides (we had a handful of bootleggers in the family, explains a lot tbh). song hit me hard, in a good way.

anyway! im sorry! thank you for listening to me ramble about an artist i really enjoy! one of these days i should really just start a podcast called "Nobody Asked" and it's just me screaming into a microphone about stuff like this!

like dave matthews! like yeah i get it "ha ha dad rock" but come on!

Live at Radio City with Tim Reynolds is a fucking MONSTER album! and dave is a good guy! or at minimum is actually worthy of supporting because the dude has been doing activist things quietly and loudly for longer than ive been alive! and their music spans so many genres!

Eh Hee

Bartender

Still Water / Don't Drink The Water (back to back! they must be listened to together! please listen to this and Bartender off Live at Radio City)

#41

Two Step

Satellite

Some Devil

Grace Is Gone

and thats not even touching a fraction of this man's catalogue, he's been making music for forty something years

ahain im sorry i just really really love music and GAH theres so many artists from my chilhood and teen years and stuff that get so undeservedly swept under a rug because... i really don't know why. i feel like a lot of artists immediately get written off because of styles or genres or whatever and thats just so unfair and upsets ke geeatly.

that's not directed at you whatsoever rozecrest to be clear lmao sorry it may have come off that way

also anyone who has an interest in bluegrass/gospel go listen to The Seldom Scene's "Old Train" and "Live at the Cellar Door" in their entirety

[sootyships]

Since both of you mentioned how I project my cultural identity, I wanted to talk about it, bc I believe that it's beneficial to foster a cultural identity... But it's not always easy. So I wanted to share some advice!

1. It may be necessary to wake yourself up to your culture.

If it's your everyday, and you have little interaction with anyone who views it as anything other than everyday, one easily ends up taking their culture for granted, becoming almost numb to it. Interacting with people from different cultures, asking them "hey, do you do this thing we do?", and finding content about your culture by immigrants are good ways to shake yourself awake!

2. National culture, good? Bad? *vague hand gesture*?

There are things that most Finns have in common—certainly Finnish tumblrites!—but I'll always prioritise the culture of a smaller local population and a landscape over that of the nation-state. National culture is by necessity homogeneous (to foster a sense of national identity), and while regional cultures are encompassed by "culture of the nation-state", they're not the national culture! National culture tends to have a core—in Finland, the southern shores, aka Uusimaa and historically the Turku region, have the greatest influence on the culture, being where the capital is/was—and regional cultures further from the core tend to be more distinct, which also leaves the people local to those regions with a stronger regional identity. Meanwhile, regions closer to the core may go through a loss of an active regional sense of identity; in Finland, my home region of Tavastia is adjacent to both Uusimaa and the Turku region, and people tend to have a much weaker identification of themselves as Tavastians as compared to Ostrobothnians or the residents of Kainuu or Finnish Karelia (the Karelia thing is complex, in short there's ppl who identify as Karelians as a national/ethnic identity and those who identify as Finns + Karelian as a regional identity) or non-Sami Laplanders.

If you're from one of those regions that have lost some sense of regional identity, it may be necessary to do more shaking yourself awake to notice what is regional. In my case, it's mostly the foods that my family, in particular one of my paternal aunts makes for holidays, that I found out were specifically associated with this region. Iirc there's a type of netted bag associated with Tavastia as well. There's also bobbin lace from my municipality of birth! (My gma made bobbin lace.) Many municipalities in Finland also have mitten patterns associated with them, and both many municipalities and most regions have their own men's and/or women's national dress designs. Ideally the designs are based on museum pieces originating from the region, but humorously my birth city's dress is both beloved by many and confusing, as it apparently has at least some features that are not present in local museum pieces. 🤔

Also, since moving to Ostrobothnia, I found out that certain turns of phrase that I use were unfamiliar to the Ostrobothnians. 😂 "Jurmu, what the fuck is that?" (And nowadays I definitely use some Ostrobothnian and Kainuu turns of phrase, which in turn are odd to the ear of other Tavastians.)

3. Well, the above actually got into it, but research&recognition.

Someone at some point has probably studied regional differences and jotted down what things are associated with what region. I don't necessarily think it's valuable to look at these lists with a mind of "I will incorporate these things into my life!", I rather prefer their use as reference for recognizing what things already in your life are culturally informed.

4. Ancestors?

I'm a huge proponent of people doing genealogical research. Look, even if your living family fucking sucks, once you get into the dead and buried ancestors, it's just... Interesting. IMO. I know it's not accessible for everyone, there's family you don't speak with and there's unknown fathers and lost or destroyed records and whatnot, but if you can, I'd recommend looking into it. I can give some pointers that are likely to be applicable in multiple countries... *smacks your hand* Hands off those atDNA kits! They're a last resort or a supplement, most people who use them are fucking useless when it comes to the actual genealogy aspect, and the percentages just mean you share some DNA markers with the current population of some region, and that's essentially meaningless culture-wise.

(Granted, the long dead and buried ancestors do tend to also be essentially meaningless culture-wise, as only those who can influence you can pass on culture. But y'know, my mom still knows tell about my great-great grandma, and some vague legends even further back that I've been able to find possible confirmation for. It can still help foster a sense of continuity and connection, so I still think it's a good practice.)

5. Community!

It's not just your family who pass on culture, though! Everybody in your life can. That family friend, that neighbour's granny who babysat you, the traditions they gave you are yours. If you have an inkling of a cultural identity but your family is super assimilated, seek out a community to help you reconnect. Culture is found in people, not blood.

6. Spite.

Partially, I do all of this out of spite. In terms of the state, there's much to improve, and yet it feels we're sliding downhill. Still, due to being queer and trans, I'll rather remain a Finnish citizen than become a Russian one any day of the week... And that is the extent of my nationalism. But I don't accept racist, queerphobic Persu-types claiming cultural pride as theirs; certainly not, when they barely show their faces anywhere relating to loving Finnish culture! One of the prevalent Persus even called culture a luxury! This is mine, and you are posers.

7. Love.

But I also do it out of love. I love the landscape I grew up in, the language (you have to go out of your way to misgender someone!), the idiosyncrasies my people share. I love that these forests could feed me if I knew them better, but even with what little I know, I can get the occasional snack thanks to the right to roam. I love the recipes my mom used as I grew up; the ones I learned and made mine. I love our holiday traditions and our feast foods. I love my FUCKING AMAZING traditionalish boots. I'm even proud of the little positive accomplishments of my state, my fellow countrymen who have been part of changing the landscape of technology, and that one soldier who pumped himself full of Pervitin and skied 200km, ate a bird raw and went on to live to 70. 😂

And I wish everyone could have something like that! It doesn't need to include the nation-state—sometimes there is nothing to love. Really, no part of this is mandatory. 🤔 But I see people bemoaning their lack of culture and envying those who live theirs, and it makes me want to shake them. YOU HAVE CULTURE! ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LIVE IT!

[hermesserpent-stuff]

i wrote a one shot for the mysterio's apprentice au

might cross post onto ao3 laters

also got a lot more ideas for this in my brains now!!

Peter rubs his glasses on his shirt, trying to get the rainwater off. He huffs as he puts his glasses back on and tugs his rain jacket back down over his shirt. He looks up at the roof of the bus shelter. Rain pings off of it in a steady rhythm, accompanied by the swooshing of cars through puddles. He supposes it is not too terrible that his headphones were broken today. Stupid Flash. He huffs again, rubbing at a bruising arm before pulling out a notebook.

In better news, he had found a smashed game console in the trash. Most of the internal hardware is still usable. So that is nice! He doodles a few ideas of what to do with these components. He tilts his head as he doodles and writes, losing himself a little. He hears someone else enter the bus shelter but keeps to himself. He only looks up when he notices that the other person has gotten closer. He looks up.

It is an adult, well-dressed, with eyes firmly on Peter’s sketches. Peter grips the notebook, nervous. The man blinks and flushes.

“Oh! Sorry. Terribly rude to me. But I find your design fascinating.”

“Really?”

Peter finds so few people that are interested in his technical work. His aunt and uncle try, but they do not understand. 

“Yeah, I think that you are definitely going to have a really interesting way to open a drawer. But have you considered making it remote-controlled, just for the heck of it, using these sensor bits?”

“How… How would you do that?”

The man plops down on the bench beside him with a dramatic hair swish. Peter hesitantly hands over his notebook and pencil and the man carefully writes a few things down as Peter leans in to watch. 

“Oh! But what about?”

  They fall into deep conversation and Peter eventually flips to the other designs that he has drawn over the past few weeks. It feels really nice to have someone ooh and ahh over his designs. Neither notice that time is passing them by, enraptured by the discussion and trading of ideas. Both realize that they have missed their buses as the man checks his watch. Peter feels a bit bad.

“I'm sorry sir.”

“It's fine, kid. I made you miss your bus too!” The man says with a smile and a cheery laugh. 

“Im Quentin Beck, at your service.”

The man offers his hand. Peter snorts a little at the dramatics and takes the offered hand, getting a firm shake.

“Peter Parker.”

“Oh what an alliterative name!”

Peter tilts his head and adjusts his glasses. Beck lights up.

“Meaning that the first and last name starts with the same letter.”

“There's a word for that? Why?”

“Because we have to have words to specifically describe things for ease of communication.”

“But you just had to explain the word.”

“But I won't need to again!”

“... That's a good point.”

They chat a little more and discover that they are taking the same bus. This time they both keep an eye out for it and hop on when it comes. It starts raining more harshly as they ride the bus and Peter scrunches his nose at the thought of taking the miserable walk home. A umbrella and card are pressed into his hands. 

“Valete Alliterative Peter Parker. May we cross paths again.”

Beck says with a bright smile, before slipping off the bus. Peter does not even have the chance to try and return the umbrella, much less thank the man for it. He looks at the business card. A flourishing name and series of numbers adorn it, giving no hint as to the man’s job. But Peter finds himself plugging it in, somewhat enamored with the idea of being able to talk to the tech genius again. Plus, he had to return the man’s umbrella at some point. 

[banannabethchase]

Set the World Alight: Chapter 9 - also on AO3

~

Matt gets her appointment with her doctor about HRT, Nick gets mildly smothered by his big sister, and Matt and Mox have a very overdue conversation.

~

Note: I'm writing this fic in a much kinder world that we live in right now. Matt is given the opportunity to meet with a doctor relating to HRST, and it goes, well, better than most meetings go for most trans people. I'm giving Matt the medical experience she and all trans people deserve in this fic, which may not directly reflect the reality many people are facing. However, I'm putting this in the universe as a hopeful future for trans people.

Additional note: In this chapter, high schoolers in a committed, loving relationship discuss sex and their preferences! They are awkward and dorky about it.

~

Monday January  20th

Nick

Matt’s jittery the whole drive to school, and Nick worries about her the entire time. He catches Matt as she makes her way to the front office to sign out.

“It’s going to go great,” he insists to her. “You’re going to get your medicine and things are going to go well.”

“Maybe,” Matt says, frowning. “I mean, switching to HRT sometimes requires months, if not years, of consultation. They might want me to go through specific therapy for a few weeks.”

“You’ve been doing the virtual therapy though, right?” Nick asks. “Like, you told Marcia about this?”

Matt gives him the most annoying know-it-all look. “Nicky, if you think I didn’t start talking to Marcia about this back when I started seeing her freshman year, you’re stupid.”

“Hey!” Nick says, elbowing her in the ribs. “I’m trying to be supportive here. Just asking”

Matt nods. “I – I also showed them my journals.” Her smile goes a little hidden. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but I’ve been writing about being a girl for the past, like, three years. Apparently that helps them know I’m ready.”

“Look at you, being prepared,” Nick says. “For once in your life.”

Matt socks him in the arm. “I thought you were gonna be nice.”

“Nope!” Nick says grinning. “I’m the asshole brother. You should expect this by now.”

Matt huffs as she walks away, but she’s got a bit of a pep in her step that Nick hadn’t seen earlier.

He makes his way through school and practice, driving the car home carefully and also in a mild panic, but settles almost immediately when he walks in the house and realizes he’s the only one there. His mom is with Matt at her appointment, Dad is still at work, and Nick doesn’t have to listen to anyone talk for a few hours, at least.

He blares his music while he showers and dresses in pajamas with all the doors open, skipping his way through the rooms while singing poorly to Hot in Herre when no one can judge him. He tries to get some good selfies in the mirror – he’s finally getting something that looks like abs – and texts one to Adam with the message, is this a good shot?

Adam doesn’t reply for a while, and when he does he says, warn a dude before sending nudes fuck.

Nick ignores the butterflies he gets at the thought of what Adam may have looked like when he opened the text. it’s not nudes!!!!!

You are shirtless and your shorts are out of frame. It’s basically a nude!!!!!!

It’s 5:00 before he gets a text from Matt, when he’s lying on the couch watching college basketball without anyone interrupting him.

I have a prescription! I get HRT!

Nick sits up. He didn’t want to tell anyone, but he was scared and, honestly, pretty sure they were going to refuse to do anything for Matt. Ever since she’d come out to him, Nick had been secretly compiling research. Transphobic laws, cruel words thrown at people even more vulnerable than Matt, medical professionals who let their own opinions overtake logic. He has a file on the computer of safe states, of laws he’s afraid of, of people he knows in his life who will take care of Matt in any situation. There’s an email drafted to their Aunt Marilyn up in Massachusetts, just in case they had to get Matt out of there in an emergency.

But he didn’t need any of them.

He mutes the TV and calls. “Do you get to pick it up today?!”

“I do!” Matt says. Nick thinks he can see the smile on her face. “Mom and I are on the way – CVS is open until six so we should get there in time.”

Matt goes on to review the entire doctor’s appointment, in excruciating detail, but Nick’s not going to complain. She’s talking more quickly than Nick’s heard her in a long time, the excitement bleeding through every word, and he allows himself to relax his fears for her.

“I’m really happy for you, Matty,” he says. “This is awesome.”

“We’re at CVS,” she says. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Later,” Nick says. “And, um. Matty?”

“Yeah?”

“I really love you.” They don’t say it a lot, saving it for big events. And this feels like one of them.

“I love you too, baby brother,” Matt says.

~

Sunday February 3rd

Nick

Between games and a new semester and a sister whose hormonal shifts are causing some slightly intense crying jags that interrupt him in the middle of the night, Nick is exhausted. He pulls off the prior day’s Saturday game with mediocre attempts, but they still lose. His goal for all of Sunday is to just sleep.

He is not given that opportunity.

Based on the way the light angles in through the window, he can guess it’s probably around 11:30 in the morning when the door to his bedroom slams open.

“Nick!” Matt says. “Nick, I think I’m getting boobs!”

Nick rolls over. “Mm. Sleep. Goo’ job.”

“Nick!” Matt yells again, and she shakes his shoulder enough that Nick has no choice but to roll over. “Look!”

“I really don’t want to,” Nick mumbles.

“Not – gross, don’t be weird. I mean, like, in the shirt!”

Nick rolls over, opening his eyes with the knowledge he may regret it instantly. “Um.”

“Look!” Matt says. She’s bouncing on her toes, almost jumping. She pulls her shirt tight against her.

“Well, would you look at that,” Nick says. “You have the beginnings of boobs.” He thinks that the right answer. He doesn’t exactly see something, but he knows there’s something there because Matt’s excited, and he refuses to be the one to ruin her moment.

Matt spins around while making this high pitched scream, something weird and giddy and so Matt that it makes Nick want to shove his head into a pillow. “I’m a girl!”

“Boobs don’t make you a girl,” Nick grumbles into the pillow.

“You’re talking to a pillow, dumbass,” Matt singsongs.

Nick rolls over, glaring at Matt. “I’m trying to be supportive and you’re being a bitch.”

Matt grins. “I like when you call me a bitch. It’s better than when you’d call me an asshole. I like being called a bitch.”

Nick pushes himself up to sitting. “I can’t wait until you move into the garage office.”

Matt sighs. “Me either. It’s gonna be great. We’re almost done!” She bounces on her toes for a second then finally settles, looking at Nick with this hopeful little smile. “Anyway, you really mean it?” Nick gets a good look at her face, at the apprehensive excitement, at the hope in her eyes.

“I do,” Nick says. “And the shirt, like, works, you know? It makes it clear what you’re going for.” He frowns, wishing he knew how to help better. “Like that part around the – your ribs? It looks really girly.”

Matt rolls her eyes. “It’s called an empire waist, dumbass. It gives me a waist.”

“Yeah,” Nick says, squinting. “Sure. You look great. Can I go back to sleep now?”

Matt sighs. “Fine. Thanks, though. I feel pretty. Go back to sleep.”

“Trying to,” Nick grumbles. But Matt closes their bedroom door, and Nick falls back to sleep.

~

Matt

She half dances out the door when Mox says he’s in the driveway. “Guess what?”

“What?” Mox asks. “Hi, by the way.”

Matt vaults up into the truck and slides over to kiss Mox. “Guess what I have?”

Mox frowns. “Um. I don’t know?”

“I have boobs,” Matt says. She can’t contain her excitement, can’t be normal about it. “Look!”

“Are you about to flash me?”

Matt rolls her eyes as she unzips her coat. “No, dumbass. I’m just showing you.” She pulls the shirt taut. They’re not big or anything, but they’re there, and they’re hers.

Mox nods. “You got boobs.”

“I did!”

Mox’s grin goes a little dirty. “Can I see ‘em?”

“Not here, but, yeah, eventually.” Matt grins back. “Once I move into the garage apartment, I’ll think we’ll have a few more opportunities.” She winks.

Mox swallows hard. “Yeah. Right. Um.”

He’s a little twitchy during their date, through the movie, through dinner, but Matt thinks it’s because he can’t stop looking at her boobs. It’s charming, in a way, the way he keeps dragging his eyes away and whispering in her ear how pretty she was the whole time.

“What even was that movie about?” Mox asks. “Like, do we know? Did you get any of it?”

Matt giggles, weaving their fingers together. “Well, there were multiple dance competitions, and somebody kissed in the end. So I’m thinking somebody fell in love.”

Mox’s eyes flickers over to her. “Yeah? You do?”

Matt shrugs, “Maybe.” She swings their hands. She wants to say it. She thinks she feels it.

But all she can think of us what Cody expected when she said it last time.

Matt recounts as much of the movie as she can remember as Mox drives her home, talking about it as much as she can so she doesn’t accidentally say something else she can’t take back. She knows Mox is different – he’s proven it a million times – but she’s just not ready to say it. Not yet. Not after last time.

The first thing Matt notices as Mox pulls into the driveway is that all the cars are gone. “Well would you look at that,” she says. “Looks like we’re home alone. Want me to show you what my new room is going to look like?”

Mox nods. “Yeah!” He pauses. “That was too excited, wasn’t it.”

“No,” Matt says. She hops out of the trick. “It was cute. I like when you get all eager like that. It reminds me of a puppy.”

“Why does everybody say I’m like a puppy?” Mox says, following her to the door. She pushes the door connecting the breezeway to the garage. “So, there’s a little bathroom down here,” she gestures to the corner, “which will be mine. It’s already done. We have a little more work to do on the bedroom, but it’s almost done.”

Mox follows her up the stairs, and Matt can practically feel his eyes on her.

“And here,” she says, “I’m thinking I’ll put the bed over here, and put the -”

“I got into State with a full scholarship,” Mox blurts out at the top of the stairs.

Matt turns around. “What?! You did?!”

Mox nods, relaxing. “Oh, my god. Sorry. You’ve just been talking, like, so much today, about your boobs, and then it was the movie, and then you were talking about the movie, and I was, like, sure you weren’t going to stop talking. So I wanted to make sure I got a chance to say it.”

Matt runs at him and yanks him into her arms. She hugs him as tightly as she can. “I’m so proud of you,” she murmurs into his chest. She pulls back. “That’s amazing! Early admission really means early, doesn’t it.”

Mox nods, then kisses Matt’s forehead. She feels warm. Comfortable. Safe. “I, um. I wanted to tell you. Since I know you applied there, too, but regular admission.” He pauses, then his eyes widen. “Not to tell you to go there! I want you to go wherever works best for you! But, um,” He pauses again. “I – one of the reasons I like the school so much is they have a really great queer club. And they’re really good with their trans students – they discipline anyone who does anything transphobic with names or genders.”

Matt lets herself smile a little bit. “You looked that up for me?”

“Of course, baby,” Mox says. “I want to make sure anywhere you go you’re taken care of.”

Matt’s resolve crumbles. She launches herself at Mox, arms around his neck, and he stumbles backward into the wall across from the stairs. He makes a weird little noise as he grabs at her back, her hips, her ass. A hand slides up to her stomach and she grabs his hand to push it up her shirt. She’s on fire as his fingertips graze across the fabric of her bra. Matt’s head is spinning with it, and she’s hard already, and she wants, she wants, she –

“Hold on,” Mox pants, dropping his head back against the wall. “Wait, babe, we haven’t – we haven’t talked about this.” He steps to the side. “Fuck.” He giggles and looks at her. “God, I.” He exhales and squeezes his eyes shut, bouncing a little. “Sorry. Trying to – trying to get my shit together, you know.”

Matt nods, lightheaded herself. “I know.” But she can’t exactly fight the feeling of rejection. “Do – do you not want to?”

Mox’s eyes widen. “Do I not – oh my god, of course I want to! Jesus, Matt you’re…” He trails off and looks her up and down. He looks hungry. Matt shivers under his gaze. “But we need to talk about – about what – words. Words need to happen. I don’t want to do anything either of us regret.”

“Oh.” Matt lets it sink in. “Talk? Like what talking?” She wonders if Mox is about to give her the same speech Cody did. “Like, how it doesn’t count unless you’re, like, having real sex?”

“What?” Mox asks, looking befuddled. “No. We – what?! God, you sound like Seth’s brother. No, about what you want, and what I want, and what you don’t want, and what, like. What…ways? You want to have sex?” He winces. “I know you and Cody were together for a while, and that you guys broke up bad. But, um. Have you – done – things?”

Matt nods. “Yeah. Cody, uh. Cody said the only thing that counts is real sex. Like, hand jobs and blow jobs? Don’t count.”

Mox gets the weirdest, pinched look on his face. “He said what?”

Matt shrugs. “I don’t know. He said it wasn’t real unless,” Matt tries to recall the words she’d been blocking out for almost a year, “‘somebody’s dick was in somebody’s hole’.”

“Ew,” Mox says. “Jesus. What a douchebag.”

Matt shrugs. She knows that now. She didn’t back then. “Yeah. He, uh. Yeah.”

“How about this,” Mox says. “How about we – we’ll talk about this later, more, right? Because clearly Cody wasn’t – Cody was a dick. And I don’t want to do anything like that.”

Matt smiles at him. “If it helps, you aren’t like him at all. He never made me feel the way you do.” It’s close. But Matt’s still not all the way ready to say it.

Mox opens his arms and Matt walks into them. Cody never made her feel like this either. Cody never stopped them to talk. It’s strange. “I’m glad,” Mox says into her hair. “I never want to make you feel anything but – but loved.” He pulls back. “And I’m not saying this to do anything or get anything, okay? But I love you. I don’t need you to say it back. I just need you to know.”

Matt tears up. “You do?” she asks, heart racing.

Mox nods. “Damn it. Now I made you cry.”

“I’m always crying lately,” she squeaks. She presses her face back into Mox’s chest, feeling warm and soft and loved. “These are good tears.”

They’re downstairs tossing popcorn in each other’s mouths while Great British Bakeoff plays in the background when Nick slams the door open, singing some horrible song.

“Oh, hey!” he says. “You look like you’re in a good mood. What’s up?”

Matt blushes. “Nothing.”

“You two are such nerds,” he says, chucking his backpack in their direction. Mox bats it away, then catches popcorn in his mouth. “I bet you watched TV the whole stupid night, huh?”

“No!” Matt says. “We also saw a movie!”

Mox sends a little grin over to Matt, something quick that only she could see. “Catch,” Matt says, chucking a handful of popcorn at Nick’s face. He drops his basketball and his phone as he dives to catch three in his mouth. “Yes!” he yells through the popcorn.

“That’s, like, a 40% catch rate,” Mox scoffs. “Matty, baby, let’s show him how it’s done.”

Matt and Nick’s dad shows up about twenty minutes later, silent as he takes in the scene. Matt is covered in popcorn, as is the floor. Nick has created a structure using his hoodie to launch the popcorn into his mouth. And Mox is on the floor, catching some of the popcorn Nick is missing.

“What on earth are the three of you doing?” he asks. “I hope you all know you’re in charge of cleaning this up.”

“Dad, catch!” Nick yells.

It takes ten minutes before the three of them stop laughing at the popcorn that catches in his beard.

~

They're all so DOPEY and I want them to be happy forever. Except for Cody. This Cody sucks.

[vlyteng]

Beauty standards and its relation to racism and colourism

I am a film junkie and I adore Japanese films. My love for Japanese films started when I watched a specific movie, which just so happens to be one of the most breathtaking films I’ve ever watched in my life - Helter Skelter. Helter Skelter is a movie that tells the story of a famous actress, Lilico, who has had several cosmetic procedures over her body. Lilico makes life terrible for people around her as she struggles to manage both her professional and personal issues as a result of the adverse effects of her surgery (Letterboxd 2012). It is based on a manga that Kyoko Okazaki wrote and released between 1995 and 1996 (Cherif 2022). The message of the movie is made clear to be depicting the extent we can go to achieve what we deem as "perfect beauty", but how it can lead to an unhealthy obsession with our physical appearance. Throughout the film, the audience will witness Lilico’s fall into an endless, abyssal spiral of depression as she tries to fix the side effects of surgery with, well, even more surgery.

Beauty standards in every culture look different. In the West, the hourglass figure (otherwise known as “slim thicc”) is the goal! Some features that are commonly celebrated and strived for in Western countries are light-coloured eyes, blonde hair, pale skin and small noses. The beauty standard in Asia also has a similar standard but skinny is what most people go for. Obviously, Asians do not have the same genetics as Westerners. If someone frequently consumes beauty content from Western culture, they may be influenced to change their features in some way in order to fit what they think is the “standard of beauty”. Some may think beauty standards are merely just guidelines for people to follow to be seen as more attractive, but I think it goes much deeper than that.

I believe beauty standards are built on the foundation of racism and colourism, discrimination or prejudice towards those with dark complexion. You might think it’s a stretch but hear me out. A good example of this is when we discuss skin tones. Have you ever thought to yourself “Man, my skin is so dark” or “Man, I wish I had a more pale complexion”? Why are we so scared of getting a little tan from the sun? Why do we immediately deem darker skin = undesirable? As a Chinese, why are bigger eyes and double eyelids more adored than mono or hooded lids despite it being the most common outcome for our ethnicity? All these questions point to an underlying distorted perception that we were taught since young and continue to experience in our daily lives. They take the form of seemingly harmless little statements, like when the aunt that nobody likes asks you if you’re going to keep eating those pineapple tarts during Chinese New Year, or when your beautician mentions how perfect you’d look if you just got a little nose lift during your monthly visit to the beauty salon.

All in all, there is no such thing as “perfect beauty” as the definition of it is so different for every single person, everyone has their own version of beauty. Aiming to achieve it is unrealistic and will not only cost you millions of dollars, but also endless amounts of mental strain. I understand that it is easy to fall into the rabbit hole that is insecurity and anxiety over appearances and our bodies. But something I truly believe is that without our body, no matter what it looks like, we will not exist. Your body is constantly trying to take care of itself and we should be grateful for having two arms and two legs, functioning ears and nose, eyes to see the world and a mouth to taste Kyochon fried chicken (yes, I am craving it as I am writing this). To end this, I’d like to dedicate a poem I wrote for an e-book about self-acceptance and to love our body because it is trying its best to keep us alive every day. 

Don't be angry with your body Your arms lift the weight of responsibilities Your legs walk you through life Your eyes see the beauty behind the ugly Your stomach houses butterflies that make you feel alive Your nose lets you smell that wonderful apple pie that you love Your body has been through everything with you it does not deserve your hatred and your anger. - S. Z Tao

References

Cherif, M. C 2022, The Dark Side of Beauty Standards in Helter Skelter: A semiotic analysis, The Artifice, viewed 8 June 2023, <https://the-artifice.com/helter-skelter/>.

Letterboxd 2012, Helter Skelter, Letterboxd, viewed 7 June 2023, <https://letterboxd.com/film/helter-skelter-2012/>.

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

"What were you doing with the box? What were you doing with the box?!" Aunt Dina Shoggoth had me by the shoulders, shaking me as I stood there in a daze. Axton was still in the broom closet, writhing on the ground as if his very existence hurt him. My father was try to hold him in place as he desperately clawed at his arms, trying to get away and soon he was swarmed by a group of adults- all that should've known better than to try and restrain him. As Jenna tried to explain through tears why we had done what we had, I kept my eyes trained ahead at the box that now sat on the floor, the lid haphazardly settled on top. We opened the box, because we were young stupid. 

Because we were foolishly brave and thought we were infallible.

Because this is the story of a Mallmart Associate.

"You don't have to be a believer, all you have to do is acknowledge that this could be the evidence that proves the existence of aliens in Okaloosa County!" When I walked in through the sliding doors, I could immediately tell that something was very different. There were a group of people, some holding signs, some dressed in sad alien costumes but all of them seemed to be saying the same thing, and seemed to be harassing the customers with their odd beliefs. Now, I think this would be a good time to mention that some of the residents of Niceville can be a bit… odd with their beliefs and whatnot. I try not to judge, I really do. But this little community has always eluded me. It seemed the Gulf Breeze Alien Conspiracy Congregation had parked camp in our store, of all the places they could've picked. Probably driven indoors by the rain, but that was null point- this was magical to me. They actually believed that aliens had visited our little town in the middle of nowhere and that, somehow, there was a government coverup, hiding all traces of evidence from them specifically! 

I held back a laugh as I walked past the commotion to the backrooms. And just in time too, the Mallmart security officer was beginning the delicate process of kicking them out of our store. I walk through the puddles of the now flooded backrooms. "Taylorrr, did you see the clown show that's at the front of our store?" I drawled out the words, and she squirmed a little. "Uhuh… They're uh… very persistent. Honestly with everything I've seen since moving here I'm willing to hear them out but," the room dropped at least a few degrees when she stared  at me. "We need to talk about how almost all the strange stuff around this store seems centered around you. Why did you make that deal with Thomas Dunwich?" Taylor had this way of making you feel small when she was mad at you. I had a feeling she knew exactly why. She was just waiting for me to say it. "Taylor, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand. I didn't think anything would actually happen-"  Her eyes were steely like a knife, and I mumbled something about needing to get back to work. "Oh no you don't! Ciara, you can't just run from this!" But I could. In fact, I've been running all my life.

Afraid of Taylor's wrath, I ended up walking the sales floor that lunch break, actively trying to avoid her. I was scared hearing that this would be the tipping point, that she'd be leaving me in the wreckage of Niceville for good but what's more, was that I was ashamed of my past self's actions. "H-Hello miss? Do you work here? Do you know where my friends got escorted to?" 

'Oh this day just gets better and better…' 

"Hello there!" I whip around, smile pinched painfully tight. "Unfortunately I am unsure where your friends went, is there any way I may help you sir?" 

"Oh, well… It's just that they were walked out of the store by the security guy and…" That's when it clicked; This guy was part of that alien conspiracy group. "I'm sorry, all I know is that they were escorted off the premises of our store, if there is anything else you need I will be happy to help."

"N-no, that's quite alright, miss. You're off the clock, aren't you?" He points to the vest balled up in my hands. I nod cautiously, inching forward. "Would you like to see a picture of a UFO I saw?" He seemed so giddy as he pulled out his phone, before showing me a grainy picture of… a star. A bright star, that's for sure, but still a star. His eyes twinkle with joy as he shows me. "Isn't it amazing? When I saw them up there in the sky… it changed my life! It's been five days since I took this photo, and no matter how much I try to explain to people that aliens are out there and they are real, nobody seems to believe me….Or care… Did you know that back in the 1980s, there was a man that was almost abducted by aliens..?" As he continued on, I leaned slightly against a shelf, listening intently. "I heard something about there being broken glass and messages in the fitting rooms on that intercom thingy… is that normal here?" He asked, seeming alarmed. "More or less. Why? Is something wrong?" 

"I'm a little scared of this town. We went to the Ruby Tuesdays down the road before this, and each person we talked to… they all asked if we just moved to Niceville. Same exact way, like even the way they talked sounded the same." 

"Have you just moved to Niceville?" I giggled, and his eyes flicked up to meet mine anxiously before laughing too. "You turkey! That doesn't work when I just told you what happened!" He laughed. "What? I figured I'd give it a shot. Is that really all that has you scared? I'm honestly a little surprised- that's reasonably tame compared to everything else that has gone on in this town." The laughing dies out as though I stomped out the flame with my words. There's an uncomfortable truth in the words that neither of us want to dive into. "I never got to ask, what's your name?"

"I'm Phil!.... Owens… I mean, Phil Owens." There was something warm and comforting in the way he stumbled over his words.

And as much as I didn't believe in aliens, I couldn't help but sympathize with poor Phil's plight and think that, maybe if people could look past his strange claims, maybe they could see the kind gentleman underneath it all.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you, Phil." And with that, I turn back to face work, and possibly Taylor and her questions. As I take a few strides towards the doors to the backrooms, his voice brings me to a halt. "Ciara, wait!...Can you tell me what aisle the grits are on?"

[jariktig]

1, 3, 6, 9, 13, 23

What is your nickname?

I don't really have one, except among close family of my parents' generation - they call me Boo because that was my nickname as a very small child.

3. What was your longest relationship?

Excluding the obvious ones with my parents/aunts/uncles/brother (all 50+ years)? My longest two friendships where we're still in touch started when I was 10 and when I was 11, so upwards of 40 years these days. If the question is about romantic/sexual relationships specifically I've been married for 23 years so far, and we were living together for four before that.

6. 5 Male celebrity crushes

Nil return, sorry. As far as I can tell, I can only know if I want to fall into bed with/have a serious romantic or platonic relationship with someone if (a) I get to know them quite well and (b) they ask me. So celebrity crushes aren't really a thing my brain or body do.

9. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

Jury's still out on whether I've been a good-enough mum to Offspring, so probably my work on a variety of analytical standards in government, which has actually made a difference to how good the evidence supporting some very big decisions is. Or (as part of a team of governors and with a brilliant head, so definitely not all on me) helping a failing school to turn things round and get to solidly Good without losing the kindness and inclusiveness that had made it a magnet for neurodiverse kids in our area.

13. How do you de-stress?

Hot water, applied internally and externally, and instrumental music with very definite patterns.

23. What is your longest friendship?

See above, as it's also one of my longest relationships. We were school friends from the age of 10 or so, and it held together despite our having very little in common on paper and despite some really serious arguments over religion/abortion/politics. I coached her through French GCSE, was her maid of honour (in full white tie attire with a waistcoat decorated to match her dress) and her children's non-godparent, and acted as her representative when her uni was being stupid about her degree and got her through on sheer chutzpah; she got me through needlework lessons in one piece and with my fingers un-sewing-machined, made my wedding dress and my gowns for various May Balls, and helped me to move house and settle in a new area more than once. We have got a little closer in our views over the decades, but it's still not an obvious friendship on paper.

[letarasstuff]

Introvert meets Extrovert

(A/N): This was requested by an anon. I hope you enjoy it, Sweetheart :)

Summary: How does life for Spencer look like with an extremely extroverted baby?

Warnings: mentions of drinking alcohol

✨Masterlist✨ ____________________________________

To Spencer, it was always clear as day that a child doesn’t inherit all, or even specific, character traits of their parents. After all it’s a complete new human being, not a shift+c shift+v programme line. Still, some things come out as a shock to him, now being the father to a one year old baby.

“Baby, are you excited to go to Auntie JJ’s for Henry’s birthday party? She told me at work that Micheal is thrilled to play with you again!” Spencer talks to his daughter and kicks her legs in the air to get a laugh out of her while changing her diaper. Even though they are in the middle of potty training and he already packed an extra set of clothes for her in case (Y/N) throws an (admittedly understandable) fit about wearing a diaper in the day, he wants to prevent any incidents and meltdowns because of wet clothes. After all, he still has to get her to go to the toilet and sit her down, because she may feel the need, but postpone it when she is busy playing.

“Yes”, she giggles and puts her balled fists into her mouth. Spencer smiles, adoration written all over his face. The bliss of moments like these remind him that the struggles he went through and will go through are all worth it. Worth to see her smile, hear her laugh, listen to her proclamation of love between baby gibberish.

The father puts a pair of her playpants on, which is essentially a pair of leggings that already has a few holes and various stains on them. It won’t be a problem if they get dirtier, he will just throw them out after this day. It’s not like his baby girl doesn’t have enough clothes, especially with Penelope Garcia as an aunt and Emily Prentiss as a godmother. You may not believe this, but going shopping for baby/toddler articles brings the agent more fun than she dares to admit.

Not long after putting (Y/N)’s last sock on, the small family is on their way to the party. Spencer tries to manage his way through the subway station with his little one in one arm and pushing a stroller at the same time. Somehow he gets onto a train without causing any altercations and sits down on a bank with a sigh. He puts (Y/N) back into her stroller and straps her in. Despite her age she can be a wiggly monster and when her father isn’t paying attention for a few seconds she may sit right next to him. It has to be some kind of magic.

“Ok Sweetheart. We are riding this train for five stations. Do you want your book for entertainment?” Excitedly the baby claps and makes happy noises. Smiling at her antics, Spencer fishes a child book from his satchel and puts it on the table attached to the stroller before cracking his own open.

While getting lost in it, little (Y/N) takes a look around and sees a few people throwing her smiley faces. Audience, that’s good. In a semi dramatic fashion she tries to clear her throat, just like the people who held these big speeches her father took her with him. Then she opens the book and begins to “read” it. In reality it’s just a bit of baby gibberish with a few short sentences the girl memorized from Spencer reading it over and over again to her. What can she say, it’s her favorite book.

“Excuse me”, a nice looking lady interrupts Spencer’s continuous page turning, “This little one of yours really is such a sweetheart. I’m sure she got that outgoing personality from her momma.” The father throws a glance towards his daughter, spotting her being the entertainer she is since day one.

He smiles at the mention of her mother. “Not really, nobody knows where she got that. Nonetheless, it brightens my day.” After a look at the sign that shows the next stops, he gives the woman an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry to cut this short, but we have to get off now.” She assures him that it’s fine and compliments his parenting before the train stops and Spencer maneuvers the stroller off.

On their way to the Jareau-LaMontagne house (Y/N) keeps herself entertained by singing rather loudly songs her babysitter taught her. Her father kind of ducks away under all of the “aaaws” and loving glances he gets. Getting this kind of attention is not something he enjoys, but endures because his daughter loves it.

Finally they arrive and the birthday party is in full swing. Spencer gets her out of the stroller and puts (Y/N) down at the first patch of grass. Immediately she crawls up to Micheal, while her father greets JJ, Will and the rest of his colleagues.

“Hello (Y/N)”, Emily gushes, kneeling down to be more on the same eye level with her goddaughter. “You got sooo big, can you please stop growing,” She throws the baby a dirty look, who squeals and goes up to her aunt. Of course the agent picks the child up and the little one strikes up a conversation out of baby gibberish and a few actual words while playing with her raven black hair.

Against everyone’s beliefs, Emily really is interested in what (Y/N) has to say, even though she doesn’t understand half the things. Still, she tries to engage in the conversation (Spencer also appreciates it, because it’s improving her speaking skills).

While all the kids, Henry and his friends as well as the two babies/toddlers, play, the adults prepare dinner and talk about the things that happened recently. Especially their children’s (or godchildren’s) milestones are swept between them and gushed at.

“I don’t know where she got it,” Spencer starts and tells the story of his daughter being an entertainer for everyone on the train. It’s always a good laugh around them hearing about the youngest Reid and her extrovertness.

“Maybe she was swapped at the hospital?” Derek muses before taking a sip from his beer. Another laugh. “That’s not possible”, Rossi counters, “Boy Genius over there watched her the whole time like a hawk. There is no chance she was mistaken. He was there every step the doctors took with that girl in their arms outside the room.”

“Also, she has so many of his character traits, there is no use in denying her, Reid”, Hotch says with his signature Small-Smile. Spencer laughs, knowing that his friends are right. “You know, something like that doesn’t have to be passed down genetically. It’s just how some kids are and I think it suits her. It makes (Y/N) (Y/N).”

Just as he ends his sentence, he spots his child playing with some of Henry’s friends, despite their age difference. This makes the father smile.

They may be two ends of the same stick, but that’s ok. Not everybody is the same and it makes them love each other even more.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

Spencer Reid x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

[shititbe]

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 

Making out with The Thing? Gay. 

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 

 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 

For the Found Family Trope: 

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 

For SoulMates:  

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 

To conclude my point: 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

[moonlayl]

Imagine Ben Skywalker time travels to the past, during empire strikes back. 

He would be with Leia, Han, and Chewie on Bespin, and would come face to face with his grandfather, except Vader obviously doesn’t know. Leia and Han are worried sick because they know it’s a trap that Luke might fall for, and Han is being lowered into the carbonite, and even though Ben has heard the stories and knows they make it out okay, hearing things and actually experiencing them are too very different things. 

Ben observes Darth Vader, and his obsession with Luke, and what he’s willing to do to get his hands on him, including hurting his own daughter, and really how blind is this guy to not recognize Leia as his daughter???? 

Then Lando helps him, Leia, and the droids escape, but uncle Han is with Boba Fett, we have to do something!!

Ben doesn’t know what’s going on with his daf, but he, along with Leia, hear Luke’s cries for help. Luke may have meant Obi-Wan, but he was calling out to a Ben, and this was before Luke really knew how to direct the force towards specific people. Ben gets the message and is shocked to hear his father...so afraid. In hindsight, it should’ve been obvious to Ben that his father being much younger also meant he’d be different and with less experience, but he’d grown up his whole life with his father being seen as THE jedi, THE hero of the rebellion, extremely powerful individual who can take down even the most difficult of foes. Ben grew up a little distant from his father, because really, being that man’s son would be difficult with all the expectations and shadows cast on him. 

But to hear his father, a man he childishly believed to be indestructible, sound so afraid and helpless? That stops Ben in his tracks, which ultimately ends up being a relief because than Leia wouldn’t think he’d heard Luke either. 

Ben watches as his aunt Leia rushes to wrap her arms around Luke, and he’s taken aback by how beaten and lost his father looks. It wasn’t a look he’d ever associated with Luke Skywalker, and Ben’s perspective begins to change. 

When Leia leaves Luke on the medical bed to deal with the imperials and getting the hell out of there, Ben remains in the room, hidden, so his father wouldn’t see him. He’s startled when he hears his dad call out to him-but how does Luke know his name? He hasn’t given him his real one?- before realizing Luke was calling out to his namesake instead.

“Ben, why didn’t you tell me?” 

Ben stares at his injured, nearly unconscious father, and starts to wonder. How could his father forgive the man? How would Luke ever come to forgive him and love him? How does his father heal from this? Go on and accept his parentage when it so clearly destroyed him at this time? And how could Vader ever redeem himself or sacrifice himself for Luke when he had no issues with cutting off Luke’s hand and traumatizing him in such a way? 

And the hand is something else that shocks Ben. Sure, he’d always known on some level that his dad had a prosthetic. It was a simple fact, one he barely ever gave much thought to except that one time he’d asked about it when he was much much younger. But seeing his dad now? With a hand missing and blood all around his ripped clothes? It was terrifying. Luke’s hand had always resembled a real one and Ben remembered trying to find differences between the prosthetic hand the real one to determine if it felt any different. He remembered his dad’s  amused smile watching his four-year old play around with his hands. But now? It was very clear and obvious how painful losing a hand was.  

Did his father ever look at the prosthetic and remember this day? Did Luke still have phantom pains even decades later? 

Basically, Ben actually getting to witness Luke’s journey when he himself was still inexperienced and not yet a jedi and getting to learn more about his father and understand him better. 

And then afterwards, Ben accompanying Luke, Leia, Chewie and Lando to rescue Han, and getting to see his mom on Tattooine. Being shocked as hell and wondering what his mom was doing before realizing this was when his mother was Palpatine’s hand and oh God, was she there to try and kill Luke? 

No one else seems to notice Mara, and Ben isn’t sure what to do, but then chaos quickly ensues. Ben still doesn’t want anyone to know his real name OR his power, so he stand helpless as Luke takes care of the ‘plan’ and really dad? That’s the worse plan, how did you EVER survive anything? 

Leia kills Jabba, and they all manage to make it out okay thank God. Before Ben realizes what’s going on though, his dad suddenly left AGAIN, and he’s stuck with his aunt and uncle who are kind of grossly invested in each other ugh. 

Then Ben signs up to help the mission on Endor with Leia and Han, and Luke suddenly reappears and why is he looking at aunt Leia differently? Wait...DOES HE KNOW?????

Luke feels Vader’s presence and Ben doesn’t know what his dad plans on doing, but given his track record this past year, Ben now knows his father was kind of stupid during his youth (I got my brains from you, mom) and whatever he’s planning can’t be good. But isn’t this when Vader comes back to the light side? Ben shouldn’t do anything. Should just let things go on the way they’re supposed to. But wouldn’t his presence in the past cause changes? Ben is unsure.

He stays with Han and Leia, his dad has to do his own thing, and when they manage to succeed and Leia lets them know that Luke is her brother and Vader is their father, Ben smiles because FINALLY! 

But his dad takes forever to make it to the celebration and Ben walks around trying to find him because no way his dad didn’t survive, (what if he didn’t though? Wouldn’t Ben have felt it?) until he smells the smoke and notices the flames. He makes his way a little furthur into the forest and standing alone is Luke Skywalker. Darth Vader’s armor and mask burning on the pyre. 

Ben stands there watching his dad grieve silently.