#we especially love vulnerable beck

[thisfuckingdork]

[bluegiragi]

I AM SORRY BUT, we need NEED to see how Ghost and Price work together. I mean both Ghost and Price seems pretty dominant and I NEED to know if Price is the "only" one to get Ghost a little sub or if it's the other way around. I would seriously die happy if I got to see/know that.. I get the feeling both will just help each other with pleasure and it isn't much of dom or sub. SO CAN YOU PLEASE DRAW OR ATLEAST EXPLAIN?? (love your art btw, look at it every day)

I will be giving you more explicit priceghost later down the line, but i'll try to explain their dynamic anyway.

Price and Ghost respect each other an immense amount, and that's a product of years of working together, followed by extremely traumatic events, followed by even more years of working together. Price won Ghost's loyalty and trust years ago, to the point where Simon doesn't consider any authority higher to him than Price. That's his captain, and he'd follow him into hell.

That kind of trust is really special to Ghost, who already had his fair share of trauma even before becoming a wraith. Simon loves being in control, is almost only ever comfortable being a dom in intimate situations, but Price provides reassurance without judgement that he needs every now and then. Sometimes he just needs to not think for a while, needs someone else to take charge, and he knows by now that he can trust Price with that vulnerability.

On Price's side, Simon means a lot to him. They're both remnants of a time long past for each other, and they bond over that shared history and the loyalty it inspired. He takes a lot of pride in taking care of his hoard, and especially Simon since he knows probably better than anyone else the effort it takes to break through his walls.

They're both attracted to how powerful they are - even before he was a wraith, Simon was a force of nature in the field and Price definitely fantasised about bringing him to heel. Even now, after all these years, Price's inner dragon preens at how Simon so easily defers to him - it's kind of a power trip, having someone like that at your beck and call. In a similar way, Simon also feels powerful with Price, feeling like he's got the attention and care of something capable of so much destruction.

They're a switch-y kind of relationship, but most of the time Price takes charge when they're intimate. They both get off on it, and Price relishes in being the only one to see Simon on his knees.

[ace-of-gay]

Tiny for today

Loki x little! reader

Warnings: age regression, little names like baby, tiny. Caregiver name like daddy, (i think thats honestly the only one)

Items like stuffies and paci, bottle. Reader regresses to newborn headspace

No weight, skin color, or gender mentioned.

Age regression is a coping mechanism if you dont like it please dont read it or educate yourself on the topic but please be respectful

Any hate will be deleted

Waking up doe eyed and deep in your headspace, loki knows immediately just from the glance you give him, turning the lights lower so not to hurt his sweet baby's eyes, he walks over, putting in full effort to keep a kind gentle demeanor, “good morning my dovey, were tiny today aren’t we?” He questions, knowing hes not going to get an answer.

“Yes, I believe we are, which means it’s a daddy and baby day hm?”

He would be lying if he said this want one of his favorite types of regressions you do, he doesn’t get to see his little one like this all that often, the sweet sparkly eyes are a given, those alone have him wrapped around your finger, hes at your beck and call or more so your babble and cry but right now the sweet gentle hold of your eyes to his approach, “yes, indeed, a divine rainy day for daddy and his little star” he coos at you, running his supple hand over your cheek, cherishing every ounce of adoration his heart could feel in the wake of your smile.

A small tiny babble of pure love and wanting to feel him hold you, he took this with immediate understanding, as you move your arms somewhat aimlessly he helps loosens you from the blanket so you don’t accidentally bend your arms or hands in a way that would strain or pull on them funny.

Lifting you into his arms, holding you chest to chest with him as he grabs a paci from the bedside table and your stuffy from the bed, he carries you to the living room a bounce in his step to soothe you and a hum in his chest, he knew you loved this he would make sure to have one of your hands above his chest so you could feel the vibrations of the sweet thrum of his voices resonation in his chest just for you.

Laying you gently on the couch he holds your stuffy above you to boop your nose with its nose, making kissy sounds as he taps the stuffys nose against your smiley cheeks and sweet delicate nose, he lays the stuffy atop your chest where your little hands could easily grasp it, he turns to move the coffee table to the side of the room, going into the closet, pulling out the padding mat your favorite blankie for when you’re tiny and a few other things, making a comfy little place on the floor for you, much safer than having you somewhere you could fall.

After transferring you to the little nest as he called it he gave you your paci turning on comforting calm music and going to the kitchen to make himself tea and you a warm bottle of milk, keeping his eyes on you as he does this.

When he returns to you he sets his tea aside wanting to make sure you got your bottle first since you couldn’t quite tell him when you needed food or drink he wanted to make sure you weren’t neglected in your needs, holding you gently in his arms making sure you were comfy in his arms before he goes to take your paci but you trill in soft baby giggles when you refuse to let him take it.

“Oh silly baby, someone’s being mischievous and its not me for once, can daddy take your paci? I have a bottle of warm yummy milk for my baby” to which you allow him to take the paci cause I mean what little one would pass up a yummy bottle in the morning.

Hes full of adoration, especially when you suckle on the bottle so intently with half lidded eyes, like it took all of you to just do the small things and that’s perfectly fine with him, its what hes here for, hes here to take care of his baby, hes honored that you trust him with you in such a vulnerable state.

After your bottle and all related in that he takes small comforting sips from his tea before pulling out one of his many books, it didn’t matter what he read aloud so long as it was appropriate, his favorite writings were old poems of sweet rotations of love how it be that planets circle the sun in a dance that with their gravity pulls causing the star to dance from a tiny wobble. One hand holding the book and his other running through your hair, today was about his little one, making sure to keep you happy and calm, he’d plant every tree on earth in light of the sun and down of the rain if it meant he could see your smile everyday the way he sees it right now.

[diamonds-place]

Headcanons for the clan members taking care of Reader!MC for your enjoyment (also because I was really sick) (T^T)

note: it is a bit less on the magical side, but plenty of wholesome vibes and fluff <3

⬩ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⬩

Yakumo

Of course the poor snake male wife is worried sick about you. He was on the edge of tears at the news of your illness (but lots of things make him cry.) Yaku is determined to get you better, this means you're staying in bed, staying hydrated, and getting your strength back. He just loves you too much to leave your side and just wants to get you better. Yaku is such a sweet caretaker, you wish you could be sick for a little while longer.

Edmond

The ever so stoic vice captain does have a soft side for you, and he often shows it in his actions (while trying to hide it in his face.) He doesn't have much experience in care taking, but he wants the best for you so he researches all he can about the illness that's affecting you. It's endearing the lengths he's willing to go for you to get better, especially with his other obligations. If you tell him he'll probably just brush it off and say it's his duty, but we all know what he really means by that.

Olivine

At the news of you coming down with something, your beloved idol priest was quick to act. Being an older sibling, he knows a few family remedies that can fix you right up. Not to mention the bedtime stories that just warm the soul and soothe the ache n pains. He would be a heavenly caretaker, at your beck and call, anyone would give up their firstborn to have him look after them. Oli just wants you to get better and hates seeing you unwell. As long as he can help you, he's content and happy.

Quincy

With a sigh, he pats you on the head and tells you it'll be alright. He is probably the least worried, not because he doesn't care, but because he knows you're tough. You're in good, capable (and big) hands. Since Quincy has lived in the forest for all his life, he'll know a few herbal remedies to get you feeling right as rain in no time. He has a more gentle aura about him when you're feeling unwell, probably because he cares about you more than he has you believe. And don't forget, little Topper is going to give you some snuggles too!

Garu/Karu

The poor puppy, Garu didn't know what to do with himself. Garu's poor human is feeling unwell, he was so sad he couldn't leave your side, and I mean it, he never left your bedside. Making sure to protect you from any danger that could harm you while you're so vulnerable. Karu, on the other hand, is frustrated that his human slave is so weak as to get sick. But, he doesn't hold it against you for too long, partially because Garu would be mad at him, but mostly because he just wants to see you get better. A few times a day, they leave little get well soon gifts on your bed.

Kuya

The old fox isn't completely jaded, at least not to you. Kuya wasn't particularly concerned when he heard you were sick, but who else was going to take care of you? He'll look after you for as long as he wants, mostly because of seeing you at such a low point scratches a certain itch. It's definitely not because he was worried half to death and truth is, you mean the world to him... That's not the reason at all. But, he will gladly entertain you as you get well, and seeing you smile is enough to lift his spirits, reassuring him you'll make a swift recovery.

Blade

The sweet, precious, and doting e-droid will not have you sick. Not on his watch! Blade makes it his mission to get you better as soon as possible. He tries out a manner of things from at home remedies he researched to singing to just listening to your needs. He even lends you a cute stuffed toy so that you can sleep easy. He just cares about his precious darling so much and is just so excited to collect cute things when you get better.

Dante

Mr. High-and-Mighty isn't so untouchable, specifically when it comes to you and your well-being. Unfortunately, he can't shove all his duties aside for you, but he can keep you close as your health is monitored. When he isn't there beside you, his attendants are there to provide you with anything you could possibly want. A glass of water, your favorite food, or anything else you could ask for. The days Dante is there, he'll fulfill most of your wishes, just don't push him too much or else he'll start complaining. Dante doesn't really mean what he says though because his actions speck louder.

Rei

When Rei heard that you were sick, he was a bit surprised but unfazed (maybe he might have something to do with it, who knows.) The curious owl loves his experiments, but he would prefer doing them when you're completely conscience and not a few seconds away from puking for guts out. He does have some medicine at his disposal that will help with your symptoms, as well as won't have any side effects. Just rest, relax, and you'll be fine under his care. He'll even let you snuggle with Father if you want, just don't squeeze him too tight, or you'll mess up his feathers.

⬩ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⭑ ☆ ⭑ ⯎ ⬩

[terrence-silver]

With the topic of children being brought up, why didn’t terry just have children before ck. I understand why he didn’t in the 80’s cause he was young and not worrying about that but there was over a 30 year gap between kk3 and ck. He is rich and sought over so he could have children with some model or actress, did he not just want to be tied down to another person he didn’t care for?

I think perpetual bachelorhood appealed to him.

Simple as.

I think he coveted having all that money for himself and just as generously giving it when he saw fit, to whoever he saw fit, for whatever reason. I think he coveted freedom, the fun of it, power, having a megamansion atop of LA all for his own needs and all the other revenue he owned. Running Dynatox however he saw fit. Having a collection of cars. Franchising out into Cobra Kai. Playing dress up and going down among the ordinary people disguised as something else just for the entertainment of it. I think he loved the leisure of it, the ability to not give any explanations to anyone, disappear for months having revenge on some random teenager and nobody asking why, sending his war buddy on a trip to Tahiti and nobody questioning that either along with a slur of other downright outlandish decisions that proved to be infinitely fun for Terry, of course. I think he loved fucking around, being a playboy, being carefree, being the desired single Beverly Hills billionaire nobody can really have, spending his middays in a sauna or a jacuzzi, drinking, indulging in vices, doing coke, training himself rigorously, dedicating himself to Tang Soo Do, doing whatever, and being the master of his own life. Like, no way Terry didn't adore living like that --- like a bit of an overgrown teenager in a playhouse with an unlimited budget, in the company of other teenage henchmen at his beck and call, which stands as a bit of a testimony that the war stunted something in him through trauma. He came home from Vietnam and he had the whole world on his plate and my god, was he going to feast, baby! Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't gorge after returning from a cage? From the jungle? The battlefield?

It was the 80's, prosperity was abound, and he thought he'd never get old.

The decade was inherently such where it is easy to think all of this will last forever.

Terry's own personality is such where he has a bit of a god complex and the possible belief that if he wills away the passage of time, time will simply obey and stop and that he will always remain at his prime due to the fact he, unlike most nobodies out there, takes care of himself excellently. Turns out, that wasn't the case. Everyone ages and in Terry's own words The one thing you can't buy back is your youth.

Children come with responsibility and I don't think he wanted any back then, mainly because he was a bit of a child at heart too, indulging in childish retaliations, childish vendettas, childishly evil impulses and being a bit like a kid himself. Outright. Furthermore, he didn't want to be tied to someone and controlled through them, especially when the amount of care he had for all his potentially slurry of glossy jet-set candidates was subpar or none at all, because Terry Silver doesn't really give out genuine love and devotion all that easily (and we can count John Kreese as the one true friend he had in all this time, which says a lot) and I figure there was never someone he clicked with enough to decide upon a leap as big as matrimony, procreation and progeny. He never felt himself understood. Seen enough for it. His trauma and all the things he's experienced in the army effectively separating and alienating him from all the very class of people he was born into, making him into a sort of exotic Other. A fact riddled with sensitivity and downright vulnerability he might've covered up with other more cynical conclusions like the idea of him thinking in the fashion of every rich Yuppie man; didn't want to be taken to court and profited off of after some divorce case comes his way, being the ever practical, cynical business tycoon at heart. The truth is merely that I think Terry, for all the options in the world in partners never found one he was truly compatible with after decades of self-indulgences and by the time he realized this and matured into understanding it, he was an old man and it was possibly too late.

Therein lies the inherent tragedy of him; that I think his wealth, power, connections and worldliness offered him all the crème de la crème opportunities in the world to find someone and form a family if need be just for its own sake in the style of most every other man of wealth and status, but that it also offered him very few real connection with people.

Something confirmed in Season 4 of Cobra Kai.

Terry's rich. Has rich, very surface-level company surrounding him.

Yet none of them even know him or care to know him, nor does he care sharing.

And due to that, he's more alone than ever before and stayed alone by design.

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: See Jazz

See Jazz, the recording project of Brooklyn-based songwriter Aaron Pfannebecker, uses drum machines and synthesizers to construct warped bedroom collage pop guitars and earworm vocals. Jennifer Kelly liked the single “1982” from Pfannebecker’s Is This Anything? a whole lot, noting its “vertiginous balance between tremulous, astral ideality and wounded, grounded vulnerability, the same contrast between ragged doubt and heavenly solace.”

Some songs that stick to me lately

Cyndi Lauper — The Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough

I’ve always loved this song and I recently rediscovered it on a dive into Lauper’s music again and it always puts me in a great mood. It just makes me happy like a lot of Motown does especially The Jackson 5. It bops.

The The — This Is the Day

This is a top 3 song of the 1980s and probably was the biggest influence on this record I just made whether I knew it or not. I could listen to this on repeat forever and never give sick of it.

The Osmonds — Denim

No one’s written a better song about a decade.

Minnie Ripperton — Les Fleurs

One of my favorite songs. It has the biggest chorus that hits like 20 “Smells Like Teen Spirit’s.“ It’s epic. It’s holy. Minnie Ripperton’s voice is one the most beautiful I’ve ever heard. Maya Rudolph is her daughter and Ripperton died way too young.

Jeff the Brotherhood — Camel Swallowed Whole

Jake and Jamin have always made great music, but this is by far my favorite thing they’ve ever done. It’s great. Everyone should hear it. Kunal Prakash also plays on this I think, and you couldn’t ask for more awesome people to be making great art together.

Bob Dylan — Precious Angel (Live at the Warfield Theatre)

One of the things I think we all take for credit is Bob Dylan’s ability to always evolve and change a song. People use to slam him for not being able to recognize classic songs they wanted to hear because he plays them entirely differently than their record versions. I think people are coming around now and we all should. Its’s rare and it’s brave and no one owes anyone anything especially in art. This take isn’t too different than the recorded version except for one thing. It’s got 100x more soul.

New Order — Regret

This is probably my favorite song by New Order. Although that could change. It’s got everything I love about them. Incredible drums over great drum programming. Peter Hook’s the best melodic bass player from the UK. He shines here. The tones of the keyboards fit perfectly and Bernard Sumner’s guitar is perfect. His direct lyrics are perfect.

Haruomi Hosono — Sports Men

Philharmony is a record I keep coming back to. It’s dense and still open and very much a vision of one person. YMO is great but this one hits me harder and “Sports Men” is the poppiest song on the record. It’s straight ahead in an unusual way or unusual in a straightforward way. Whatever you want it to be, it is.

Discovery Zone — Dance II

This is the last new song I’ve heard that’s still my favorite new song I’ve heard. It’s been a couple years and it’s still my favorite new song. It’s the perfect pop song. Discovery Zone is the recording project of JJ Weihl. She’s brilliant.

R.L. Burnside — Let My Baby Ride

This is a great genre collision. 1 + 1 = 3. It’s still new and it’s evolution. It’s got a very early Beck feel. I love everything about it.

[helpimstuckinafandom]

Next up on a tsats post I read got me thinking: Will Solace again

Because (again) good stuff in tsats got lost in the repetativeness of this book. Someone pointed out that Will's character wasn't changed, people just think he's calm and collected on the outside and in this book we see his pov and see him with someone he's closer/more vulnerable with, and dude is riddled with anxiety that he hides. And like..... yes. Yeah. That's it. That's literally it.

Being calm and collected and bossy in his element and completely petrified outside of it? Real for the medic who's great plan in the Seige on Camp Half-Blood being to run/get chased (and do the demigod art of insultsTM) Feeling like shit to be taken care of and thinking yourself useless because of it? So real for a medic who has previously bemoaned his lesser musical ability and combat abilities, who is now unable to do the one thing he IS good at

Personal bias here but I am called the "chill one" in my family. My dad says it almost constantly (especially in comparison to my siblings) that I'm more relaxed and don't get all anxious and have it under control and just don't sweat it. I'm not as academically smart as my siblings or anything and my relaxed nature is the number one thing that gets noticed about me

But I'm not

I am scared all the time. I feel sick to my literal stomach with anxiety multiple times a month going to bed or waking up because of.... life. Do I let a single person know that? God no. What if they need me? I live a good life all things considered, how could I ever compare the small shit I go through to someone's break up or family trauma or depressive episode?(Got a little bit of the "i'm not diagnosed so I'm invalid" thing going on) How could I ever put my needs on the front burner when I need to help people or spend time with them at their beck and call.

One of the other things I'm called/get compared to is a Therapy Dog. Because people find me comforting to be around - I listen and do my best to help - I am a friendly face.

I have literally told myself some days where life just keeps coming at me that I won't cover it up and I will actually look sad. I repeatedly tell myself to do it, and then the instant - the very second - i'm in front of someone I feel it naturally pack itself into the back of my mind and feel a smile pull at my lips. I literally can't do it. I don't want to worry them, I don't want to disuade them from telling me something because I look sad.

I think about the way my failures will impact everyone else but me. Like right now I think I'm gonna fail a course and it frightens me, but my priority is my mother who is stressed from family issues and my dad who trusted me - how my grades will worsen their lives. I'm like that for everything.

Basically, if I can't make people feel better, what good am I? What good am I TO THEM?

So Will Solace. I've always really liked him and related myself to him - even from Last Olympian, believe it or not. The brief moments with him back then had him be that random background character I latched onto. And then there was HOO (and later TOA) and I loved him even more. Partly because I could see him sharing opinions I do, but they weren't completely unfounded, but still his chill-ish nature and lack of other godly talents other than healing resonated with me. And then in tsats I remember several times going "bro he's literally me somehow". Somehow, being the key word, because even though I didn't think he was too different, since we didn't have much content of him before, I could still recognize a sort of shift. And this post I saw made me realize what it was:

He is the "chill one" - he is the "therapy dog". He knows how to take care of people and he likes nerd shit, and outside of that he is scared. He hates being taken care of because it makes him feel useless. He's worried he's loving/caring wrong and that it will lose him people - lose Nico. And we see it now because we get his thoughts - we see him completely out of his element with someone he's far closer to and can let his walls fall a bit, but still not completely. He's being unravelled by the Underworld and tries to downplay it. He's just like me fr.

[mytragedyperson]

Ok let me start this by saying growing up I was not a Jori shipper and I still don't think I am. If you like this ship that's fine, but personally I don't really have much of an opinion on this ship.

But I must say, one thing I find fascinating about this ship is, when Jade has a problem, Tori is the person she goes to. Like she doesn't seem to go to Beck as much? Maybe she does offscreen, idk, and i get that when the problem is to do with Beck, she can't go to him, but Tori is the first person she goes to, and i get it, right?

Like, in her own Jade way she likes Cat, but would she really be able to help with a lot of her problems? I'm guessing not, especially for season 2 and 3 Cat. Season 1 Cat maybe but i feel like we're supposed to forget season 1 Cat so no. She could go to Andre but I feel like she sees him more as Beck's friend than hers. Like in their mind they only really hang out because he's Beck's friend and she's dating Beck. Don't get me wrong i think they could be friends and it would probably be her healthiest relationship in general, but in canon they're not that type of friend. and honestly I couldn't tell you if she even actually likes Robbie or not.

But here's the thing the first time we really see her go to Tori for help is in like episode 4 or something when she breaks up with Beck, so she doesn't know Tori that well, dislikes her and probably still thinks Tori likes Beck. And yet instead of dealing with it herself or trying to act like she's okay she went to her, showed emotion and asked for help.

Here's the thing though. when she did that that first time it shows he had some level of trust in Tori. She trusted that Tori would be able to help, would agree to help, wouldn't further sabotage them as revenge for how Jade treated her. She trusted that she could show emotion, vulnerability, and it wouldn't be used against her, And for Jade to do that, when she's the least trusting person in this show, when she hasn't known Tori that long, and when she still doesn't particularly like her... it's truly fascinating. She either loves Beck so much that she's willing to trust where she usually wouldn't or she can't help but trust Tori even from this early on. Jade is so interesting in the little things, and her and Tori's dynamic whether you ship it romantically or not is so interesting

[classickook]

paper hearts (part eight): one step at a time

pairing: stephen strange x widow!reader

summary: things are going well for you at the sanctum as you master your knowledge of the mystic arts. not only that, but it seems that you and stephen are growing closer with each passing day…

warnings: swearing, mentions of depression and ptsd, awkward flirting, domestic fluff

word count: 6.1k

a/n: this is kind of a filler chapter of sorts? just some good stuff i think we all need from stephen and our widow <3 also shoutout to @singhfae for some of the ideas i included in here!

series masterlist | main masterlist

another morning was spent in the kamar-taj training grounds to touch up on some protective spells and shields. you had found yourself spending an awful lot of time here, enjoying the fresh air and open landscape with miles upon miles of breathtaking scenery; you didn’t think you would ever get used to it, and you certainly didn’t think you would ever get used to possessing magic. 

you liked how the magic felt between your fingertips, like it was pure energy fizzling through your veins and moving outwards like an extension of yourself, stretching farther and wider than any weapon you had ever held could reach. 

it felt really fucking cool to put it simply. your abilities had grown the more you practiced at kamar-taj and spent time with stephen. he had been a wealth of knowledge and was more than happy to assist you in whatever areas you needed a bit more help with—primarily the spell aspect of the mystic arts. he was the smartest person you had ever met and you couldn’t think of a more suitable teacher… but you weren’t about to tell him that, his ego was inflated enough as it is.

as for you, shields, ropes, and portals were a piece of cake, barely requiring any thought or concentration; some spells here and there were pretty easy to grasp as well, but for the most part, remembering everything and the very nature of magic itself was challenging for you to wrap your brain around. you had grown up on order, discipline, and facts; fear, precision, and malleability. something as mind-bending and otherworldly like the mystic arts was no easy task, and you struggled quite a bit, especially with the stacks upon stacks of endless spell books and ancient texts documenting the very history of magic itself—yeah, it was a lot. but lucky for you, doctor stephen strange was practically at your beck and call. 

maybe not so lucky, actually. the more time you spent with the sorcerer, the more you fell for him each and every day. your crush hadn’t dissipated, no matter how hard you tried to tamp it down and deny how you felt. sure, you had threatened him a few months ago that you couldn’t stand him and that you would essentially require him to prove his love for you before you even thought of giving him the time of day, but now… it had only been a few extra weeks and you felt like a lovesick puppy, it was ludicrous. never in your life had you felt so helpless or vulnerable. it went against every rule and law that had been engrained in you at such a young age: do not form attachments, love makes you weak, allow yourself to fall victim to your emotions and your life will be at risk.

every instinct within you screamed and raged at you to cut it off with him—even though nothing had really happened as of yet anyway—but you just couldn’t stop. you felt at home at the sanctum, so unlike the familiarity of the compound. sure, that had felt like a home of sorts, but that was before this—your life with stephen and america and wong. the compound had still felt like work, cold and isolated and rigid. the sanctum, on the other hand, was warm and comforting and truly felt like a home that was filled with something that could almost be akin to a family. it was ridiculous, of course, enabling yourself to feel this way—encouraging it, even—but you simply couldn’t help yourself. you really, really loved it here. 

stephen had given you your own room and showed you some spells that would help you redecorate however you so wished, it was quite a lot of fun, actually. you had asked america to help you design everything: your color scheme, if you should have a canopy bed or a four-poster; if drapes would look better or if it might be a fun change to use fairy lights along the window frame. she had been a great deal of help, even adding an array of knickknacks and decorations from her own room to share a bit of her personal style to the space. it was nice, and you had felt more safe and comfortable and relaxed than you had ever felt in your entire life. 

you weren’t sure what to do or how to process anything. stephen had gifted you with the knowledge of this peculiar and underlying ability of yours, assisting you in honing your skills with each passing day, and provided you with a home and family to call your own—well, he hadn’t explicitly said he thought of you as family, and you were far too embarrassed to even bring anything of the sort up to him, but still, you thought of it as such and you were grateful. you didn’t think you would ever be able to repay him for what he had done for you. in a way, the ridiculous wizard in his funny little red cloak had saved you.

oh, god. you were turning into a giant sap.

you shook the thoughts from your head and returned to training. a much needed break had been spent admiring the view from the other end of the courtyard and sipping from your bottle of water. now, it was back to work.

before you could even turn around to make the trek over to your training mat, a familiar gravelly voice spoke from behind you.

“word around kamar-taj is that i have a girlfriend. you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that?”

your eyes widened as you faced stephen. all right, who spilled the fucking beans? “what?” you played along innocently. “no! who would’ve started a rumor like that?”

“what makes you think it’s a rumor?”

“because you’re not dating anyone.”

“i’m not?” he asked smugly.

“…no?” you avoided his gaze as you glanced across the courtyard, trying to meet nina’s eyes in a not-so-subtle attempt at getting you out of this situation. she just laughed and turned back to malachi as they practiced new fighting positions. 

thanks a lot, buddy.

suddenly a broad chest appeared in front of you, blocking your view of nina or any other distraction. stephen leaned down until you were looking back at him again. “nothing to say?” he added with a sly grin. 

“uh… who’s the lucky girl?”

he shook his head as a chuckle bubbled up his throat. “i don’t know… you tell me.”

you blinked. “…tell you what?”

“come on. i know it was you, sweetheart.”

there was that damn pet name again. while it had seemed like a mere slip-up the first time the term passed his lips, now it felt intentional, almost genuine.

shit. maybe playing dumb wasn’t your best option. “that obvious, huh?” you replied with a grimace.

“if anything, i’m flattered. never thought i’d actually get to this point, yet here you are declaring your love for me all throughout kamar-taj.”

“woah,” you said, holding up your hands, “pump the breaks there, lover boy. i never told anyone it was me. i just informed someone that you weren’t single, that’s all.”

“and why would you do that, pray tell?”

“all right, shakespeare,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “felicity was talking to me about possibly asking you out and i said you had a girlfriend, okay?”

“you’re still not answering the question, sweetheart. i want to know why.”

your eyes narrowed. “you’re getting awfully comfortable with that ‘sweetheart,’ aren’t you, pal?”

stephen’s face fell. “do you want me to stop?”

“…i didn’t say that.”

his lips twitched. “very well. i’ll end the interrogation for now. how about we head home for dinner?”

“yeah, okay.”

“what would you like tonight?” he asked gently as he led you to the farthest corner of the courtyard, raising an expectant hand as if asking you to portal the two of you back to the sanctum.

you did so with ease, slipping your very own sling ring onto your index and middle fingers before flicking your wrist in a circular motion that coaxed the telltale golden sparks into view. you noticed in stunned silence as stephen’s face lit up as you did so, pure elation and pride settling onto his features at your progress. you supposed practice did make perfect because you somehow managed to move up to the top of your class of fellow apprentices, creating a portal at a greater speed than any of the other students.

you didn’t know if it truly did come naturally to you, or if there was still some lingering component of your training from the red room that urged you to prove yourself, to be the best of the best as a means of survival. 

your hand dropped back to your side as the memories jumped to the forefront of your mind; you had been doing so well of pushing that part of existence away, burying it so far within yourself that you couldn’t stumble upon it at the worst of times or when you least expected it—like right now. god, when was this ever going to end?

a careful hand rested on your shoulder and you flinched away before grabbing said hand and twisting it away from you.

stephen’s sharp gasp snapped you from your thoughts and you quickly jumped back, guilt creeping up your throat until you were choking on it. 

you clapped a hand over your mouth. “shit, shit. i’m so sorry, doc. are you all right?”

his cerulean eyes were searching yours, quizzical and assessing. “i’m fine, sweetheart. are you all right? where did you go just now?”

you felt tears pricking at the corner of your eyes and blinked enough times to clear them away. forcing the memories and guilt down, you cleared your throat and readjusted the proverbial mask you wore when your thoughts became too overwhelming, and turned to face stephen. “sorry, nothing. i’m fine. let’s just go back to the sanctum, i’m starving and you stink.” you pushed forward and stepped through the sizzling portal and left a worried stephen to follow after you.

once you entered the sanctum, you swiftly escaped to the privacy of your bedroom, ridding yourself of your burgundy robes and stepping into the steaming shower that you had started with a simple wave of your hand—pretty convenient, if you did say so yourself. 

you went through the mind-numbing motions of washing your hair and lathering your body in suds of lavender and chamomile wash, a timeless fix to stress and worry, the scent of it immediately calming your nerves and allowing you to breathe again. it had been natasha’s go-to after long and arduous training sessions back at the compound. 

fuck, now you were thinking about her now. what was with you today? first, it was sappy thoughts about stephen, then memories of the red room, and now mourning over nat’s death again. when would this end? you were so tired of being sad all the time. you thought you were doing a pretty decent job of hiding just how awful you felt at times, and yet, that niggling feeling of hopelessness and loss reared its ugly head whenever you were alone. what? you suddenly couldn’t take a shower without taking a torturous walk down memory lane?

you released a weary sigh that caught in your throat before shutting off the water and wiping the wetness from your face, not knowing if it was purely from the showerhead or from your tears that had gotten mixed in. 

grabbing a towel from the rack, you murmured a soft heating spell beneath your breath that provided immediate warmth to the fabric, and then wrapped it around yourself, feeling slightly better now that you had washed away the sweat and memories of the last few moments. you ran another towel through your hair and then utilized the drying spell stephen had mentioned to you previously. honestly, this magic thing was a real time saver.

you dressed in casual clothes, just a simple t-shirt and loose cotton pants that flared around your ankles. it was a nice change to leave the tight-fitted material of your widow suit and training garb tucket away in the closet and wear something comfortable while you unwound for the evening. 

slipping into a pair of fuzzy socks america had given you that matched her own, you made your way down the massive staircase and entered the kitchen to find stephen hunched over the stove. the comforting scent of olive oil, garlic, and caramelized onion wafted throughout the room and brought a smile to your face. it seemed the sorcerer had been quite busy since you had parted ways upon returning to the sanctum.

you eyed his own clothing: a pair of dark sweatpants and cotton shirt layered with a soft cardigan. he looked warm and cozy… and kind of—no, stop that.

“huh,” you mused aloud. “i think this is the first time i’ve seen you without your wizard costume, doc.”

stephen snorted before turning around to face you, a teasing grin pulled at his lips that was bordered by a neatly-trimmed goatee. he must have taken his own shower as well because he looked fresh and clean and smelled faintly of citrus. 

“i’m not a wizard, y/n, and neither are you. you know that.”

you waved a dismissive hand. “yeah, yeah. tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to.”

he shook his head in playful exasperation before smiling softly. “how are you feeling?”

you gulped. why did he have to bring up your reaction from earlier? why was the man so infuriatingly perceptive? “fine.”

“are you lying to me?”

“…no.”

“y/n,” he pleaded, “talk to me. what happened earlier?”

“nothing. like i said, i’m fine.”

he eyed you closely, his brows pinching slightly in a probing sort of way, like he had x-ray vision and could see right through you, but then he blinked and schooled his features back into a pleasant expression. “if you insist.”

“i do,” you said, suddenly feeling hot and desperately needing to change the subject. “uh, hey. while i’m staying here, is there anything you want me to help out with? like cleaning or chores or something?”

he looked at you with an incredulous expression. “not really, no. why would you do that?”

you shrugged. “i just… don’t want to seem like a freeloader or anything.”

“that’s not how i see our arrangement, y/n,” he said, tone turning soft. “you don’t need to earn your keep to stay here. america and i like having you around, and we’re both happy that you’re learning the mystic arts in the process. i want you to feel at home here, okay? you don’t need to prove yourself, especially not to me.”

“okay,” you agreed quietly. 

“but, if you’re absolutely dying to do something, you could help me cook dinner? i could show you some spells that can help speed up the process, if you’d like?”

“i’m really not a very good cook,” you said. “i might accidentally burn down the kitchen.”

he chuckled warmly. “it’s all right, i’m pretty disastrous myself. that’s what the magic is for, it’ll help.” he beckoned you forward with a gentle motion and you hesitantly stepped further into the kitchen until you stood by his side at the stove. “here, i’ll show you, yeah?”

you nodded. “okay, sure.”

as stephen laid out a large cookbook on the countertop, you felt a soft pressure around your waist. you looked down to see the familiar red cloak that was usually displayed across stephen’s shoulders now tied around your form in a makeshift apron.  

a surprised laugh bubbled up your throat. “what’s this about?” you asked as you brushed down the fabric in a gentle sweeping motion.

stephen eyed you with an almost awed expression donning his features. “he likes you.”

“what?”

“the cloak of levitation, that’s what it is,” he said. “i think he likes you. he’s never really gone to anyone else unless they were in need of saving.”

“oh, like when we were on that mission together with the gross monster-things?”

he chuckled. “yes, exactly like that.”

suddenly, a section of the cloak lifted to rest against your cheek in an almost human-like gesture. “it’s nice to meet you, too,” you said to the sentient fabric, a giddy smile pulling at your lips. what an odd thing this whole magic world was. it was full of surprises and you were never truly bored.

“mmm, what smells good?” america chimed in from the doorway.

the two of you turned to the teen as she took a seat at the counter. “chef strange here is teaching me how to make spaghetti,” you answered with a teasing grin as stephen leaned over to bump your shoulder playfully.

america watched with a knowing look in her dark brown eyes. 

before long, dinner was ready and plates of spaghetti and stacks of fragrant garlic bread floated along the countertop to land on individual plates for you, stephen, and america.

“where’s wong?” america asked as she dug into her plate, the corner of her mouth dripping with tomato sauce. you handed her a napkin and she took it gratefully.

“performing some ‘higher duties’ at kamar-taj,” stephen replied. “won’t be back ‘til late.”

“oh, should we save a plate for him?” 

stephen turned to you from his seat on the left. “yeah, i think he’d appreciate that,” he said softly. 

you smiled in response and returned to your plate, twirling a forkful of noodles into your mouth. “god, that’s good,” you said as the flavors swirled around your tongue.

“never had spaghetti either?” america asked, a hint of sadness creeping into her tone.

you shook your head and offered her a comforting smile. “but it’s okay, i’m glad i could try it for the first time with you.”

her frown morphed into a smile that mirrored your own and the two of you dug in. you felt stephen’s eyes on you—he always seemed to be watching you in moments like these when you shared tiny fragments of your past—but he didn’t say anything in return, instead, he continued eating in silence.

the following morning, you awoke to the scent of freshly-brewed coffee, cinnamon, and maple syrup along with faint sounds of tinkering coming from the kitchen. geez, that man sure had a knack for cooking at all times of the day. when he wasn’t acting as master of the new york sanctum, he was either in the kitchen or the library. maybe he should think about switching professions…

you stretched your arms above your head, the slight chill of the air in your room kissing your skin as it peeked out from the warmth of your blankets. rising from bed you went about your daily routine of brushing your teeth, tying your hair back in an intricate braided bun that yelena had shown you, and dressed yourself in casual clothes before you needed to head off to kamar-taj for the afternoon. this morning, however, would be dedicated to pouring over endless spell books in the library. oh, joy.

before leaving your room, you briefly checked your reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall, setting a few stray hairs into place, until you caught yourself. what the hell were you doing? really, checking your appearance before going downstairs to see your crush? how old were you, twelve?

you groaned to yourself and then opened your door to walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

“well, well,” you greeted. “what has the chef prepared for us today?”

you heard stephen’s deep chuckle from where he stood at the stove, shivering a bit at the sound as you sat down at the counter with your elbows resting on the cool surface. 

“good morning to you, too,” he said. “how did you sleep?”

“like a baby.”

“that’s good to hear,”  he replied before turning to face you, and you noticed how a section of his hair curled onto his forehead in the way that you liked, but would never voice aloud. it made him look younger and more carefree, so unlike the slicked-back style he wore on more serious occasions. as for right now, however, he seemed completely relaxed and unguarded as he shared his morning with you. 

a kind smile tugged at his lips in a way that reached his eyes, lighting up his face in a welcoming glow—what the hell? when did you turn so soft all of a sudden? 

“you look really pretty today,” stephen said quietly.

oh. you bit your lip as heat climbed up your neck and into your cheeks. god, you were never going to get used to his compliments. he was giving them out to you like they were candy. 

“thanks,” you breathed, looking down at the counter to hide your blush.

he cleared his throat awkwardly before moving about the kitchen again. a cup of steaming coffee slid in front of you and you quickly looked up to find stephen now turned back to the stove as if he hadn’t just given you your exact coffee order.

you took a hesitant sip and hummed happily at the familiar taste, and you wondered when he had learned how you took yours without having to say anything. you couldn’t recall ever mentioning it to him… was there a spell for that? could he read it on you or something?

without another word, stephen quietly plated up something that looked like soggy bread onto three plates and placed them along the counter.

america then bolted into the room as if summoned and took her usual seat next to you. “ugh yes! french toast,” she cheered.

“french toast?” you asked confused. “what makes it french?”

the teen tilted her head in thought, brows knitted together before she said, “i’m not sure… but it tastes really good. try it!”

stephen’s soft chuckle soon followed after your brief discussion of the origins of french toast. he watched in silent amusement as you poured maple syrup on top of your stack and cut the soggy bread into bite-sized pieces, lifting a forkful to your mouth and moaning softly. “wow.”

“wow?” he asked.

“yeah, wow,” you repeated. “you sure you weren’t a world-famous chef in your past life or something? is there a cooking whiz variant of you out there somewhere?”

suddenly, a deep and boisterous laugh filled the kitchen as stephen hunched over his plate. his eyes crinkled at the corners as elation painted his features. you had never heard him laugh like that before, like there was nothing holding him back, no reservations or restrictions—just pure joy. it sounded really, really nice, actually, and you couldn’t help but giggle yourself with america joining in soon after until all three of you were nothing but fits of loud, ridiculous laughter.

you couldn’t remember the last time you had felt this happy or carefree. what a pleasant change, you thought. 

a throat cleared from the doorway and you turned to find wong entering the kitchen with an arched brow rising on his forehead. “what’s so funny in here?”

“stephen and y/n are hilarious,” america choked out, the remnants of her laughter still spilling from her lips. “want some breakfast, wong?”

he assessed the three of you more closely before moving toward the stove and preparing himself a plate in awkward silence. 

stephen snorted to himself but it was loud enough for you to hear so you kicked him under the table to which he retaliated by bumping your shoulder and you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth to muffle the new laugh that was fighting its way up your throat. 

another sound of wong clearing his throat. “shouldn’t you be in the library studying?” he asked carefully, eyes flitting back and forth between all three of you. 

both you and stephen turned to him with matching expressions of pure innocence. “most definitely,” stephen responded coolly but you could still hear a hint of his usual snarkiness in his voice. “just making sure we’re properly nourished and fueled for our long day ahead. isn’t that right, apprentice y/n?”

you set your fork down on your plate as you played along. “oh absolutely, master strange. i can’t wait to see what mystical knowledge i’ll have the pleasure of learning today.”

america snorted into her orange juice, stephen pressed his lips together, and wong just shook his head in exasperation. “you two are nothing but trouble.” he then made his way out the door but offered a polite “thank you for breakfast” before exiting completely.

the three of you burst out into laughter again at how ridiculous the situation was and you clutched your side as your muscles pinched as if they were unfamiliar with this level of happiness you were feeling. 

“you almost got me into trouble with the sorcerer supreme!” you exclaimed before playfully shoving stephen in the chest but he swiftly clasped your hand in his and held it there firmly.

your eyes widened as he glanced down at you, feeling suddenly tense and uneasy at his close proximity, like you might jump out of your skin or kiss him—what?—but that was quickly shoved aside as your primary focus settled on the fact that stephen’s heart was pounding beneath your palm. was he affected by this just as much as you were? you swallowed nervously, not knowing what to do or say or look at. 

you didn’t have to worry about that for much longer as the silence was suddenly interrupted by america burping rather loudly.

“oops,” she said meekly. “where are my manners? so sorry,” and then she grabbed her plate and walked it to the sink before leaving the kitchen with a shit-eating grin on her face.

you cleared your throat before pulling away from stephen and rising from your chair. “so,” you started as if the last few moments hadn’t happened, “time for today’s lesson, yeah?”

you poured over a collection of spell books and ancient texts, your eyes growing blurry as you scanned the pages in great detail. it wasn’t the various languages that troubled you, but the very concept of magic and the mystic arts as a whole. 

sure, you had seen a lot of oddities in your life, especially after joining the avengers, but the fact that magic actually existed was the one thing that continued to boggle your mind. 

your head dropped into your hands as you released a defeated groan. how were you possibly going to become a sorcerer if you didn’t fully believe in the possibilities and complexities of magic? this was hopeless. 

“having a bit of trouble, are we?”

you lifted your head to see stephen re-enter the library with another cup of coffee in his hand and more overwhelming stacks of books trailing behind him, his signature smirk already pulling at his lips. 

“oh, bite me,” you shot back. 

his chuckle echoed throughout the room as he took a seat across from you, books fluttering down to the table.

“this is hopeless, doc,” you voiced aloud. “how am i going to remember all of this?”

he tsked softly. “that doesn’t sound like the tenacious girl i know.”

your eyes narrowed at him. “yeah, well, not everyone can have a photographic memory like you, asshole.”

his only response was a mischievous pull to his lips before golden sparks sizzled into view beside him. you watched in silence, blowing on your coffee before taking a careful sip as he reached through the portal and pulled out another book from somewhere deep within the endless library. 

“another one?” you groaned. 

his lips twitched. “i think this one might help alter your perspective a bit.”

from there, the two of you poured over more and more tomes of endless knowledge for hours until your brain felt like it might turn to mush. you lowered your head to the table and let out an exhausted groan. “enough of this, doc. i can’t feel my brain right now.”

“nobody can feel their brain, y/n,” he replied with a snort. 

“yeah, yeah. whatever, mister neurosurgeon genius.”

he placed a light hand on your back in some semblance of comfort, and it did actually feel pretty nice to feel his warm touch against you. “why don’t you take a break for a bit before we head to kamar-taj this afternoon?”

“good idea,” you said sarcastically. “wouldn’t want my brain to forget how to move my muscles after you bludgeoned it to death!”

“don’t be so dramatic, sweetheart. this is nothing compared to what you’ll continue to learn in the future.”

“oh great,” you deadpanned.

“rest,” he insisted. “i’ll wake you up when it’s time to go.”

the two of you were stood across from each other in the courtyard, going about your daily training session together and briefly discussing potential modes of attack in varying situations, calling upon helpful spells and shields to assist you along the way. the addition of magic to your previous training was really quite useful and provided you with a sense of power and confidence you didn’t know you could achieve. sure, you had always been confident in the physical aspect of fighting and surviving, but there was something about the magic running through your veins that increased this ability tenfold. you felt unstoppable.

as you continued to grow in your abilities, you gradually noticed that your magic began to adjust and evolve, incorporating pieces of you into each aspect of your magic. today in particular as you trained one-on-one with stephen, you noticed an unusual pattern start to weave itself into your shields that you had never seen before now… it almost had the appearance of spiderwebs. 

“incredible,” stephen breathed. 

“what? what’s going on?” you asked, confusion swirling within you as your hands dropped back down to your sides.

“your magic is evolving, like it’s communicating with you. i—i’ve never seen anything like it.”

you frowned. “really? that’s odd.”

stephen hummed in thought as he studied you rather closely, a crease forming between his dark brows. “well, i suppose i’m not surprised.”

“not sure if i should feel offended or flattered by that.”

he snorted softly. “it was intended to be a compliment, sweetheart. what i meant,” he said, voice lowering, “is that you’re special and that you’ve already impressed me in more ways than one, so it’s no surprise that you can do something so spectacular and unheard of like that.”

“oh.”

“not sure what to say?” he asked amusedly. “have i rendered you speechless?”

you rolled your eyes in an overly exaggerated attempt to hide just how affected you were by his compliment. the man seemed to have an unlimited supply of those for you as of late. stupid wizard with his stupid compliments and his stupid voice.

“whatever,” you huffed. “shouldn’t we move on to something else? more combat training, perhaps? i promise i’ll go easy on you this time,” you added with a smirk. “wouldn’t want you to throw your back out, old man.”

“funny,” he deadpanned. “i think we’re done for today, actually. let’s head back, yeah?”

a few days later, you received a ping on your phone requesting your presence back at the compound. a new mission arose and they required your assistance. 

you weren’t sure how to feel about that, to be quite honest. sure, you were more than happy to see yelena again and catch up in person, and of course, sam and bucky would be loads of fun to be around, but you almost dreaded the thought of being away from the sanctum—away from the home you had been welcomed into here with stephen and america. 

for god’s sake, y/n, you scolded yourself. you’re not going to be away forever, it’ll just be for a week at most. 

you packed a bag of your essentials before descending the staircase and announcing your upcoming absence to stephen and america over breakfast, the two of them offering genuine goodbyes as you later opened a portal back to the compound. it felt different this time, creating a portal for yourself rather than stephen doing it for you like those times before. you smiled to yourself at the memory of those days and how far you’ve come since then.

standing in the entryway of the sanctum, you looked around you at all of the antiquated knickknacks and relics and oddities sprinkled about, already feeling a bout of homesickness settle in your stomach. why did it feel like this was goodbye? had you really developed such a close relationship with your friends here and the home that they had offered you? especially over such a short amount of time, would it really hurt to be away for more than a few days?

you pressed your lips together in a forced smile as you looked at the two of them standing together rather morosely. god, what a depressing bunch you all were. “guess this is goodbye for now, huh?” you said in a teasing tone, but it sounded rather bland, even to you.

“i’m going to miss you,” america pouted. “don’t stay away for too long.”

“i won’t,” you replied, leaning forward to rub your knuckles into her hair. “i could never stay away from you, kiddo.”

she offered a smile in return and lifted her pinky up to you. “promise?”

you nodded as you linked your pinky around hers. “promise.”

stephen watched the two of you in silence, never saying a word but you felt the heaviness of his gaze on you as you left this part of your world behind.

the first few nights at the compound were fine. the mission was going exceptionally well and everything had gone as expected. you and yelena had caught up in your brief moments of free time over old movies and takeout; sam and bucky shot insults back and forth as usual, and you found yourself laughing at their antics as their boisterous arguments filled the kitchen—and yet… something felt like it was missing. 

you were currently tucked away in your room at the compound, tossing and turning with discomfort at the unfamiliar feeling of your bed. well, it didn’t used to feel unfamiliar to you, you had just grown used to something different—better—over time. you missed your bed and your room at the sanctum, america and stephen, and the food he would cook for you, showing you how to make your favorites and some new dishes you had never tried before.

you knew it sounded ridiculous but you almost… missed him. you missed his stupid sense of humor and the way he studied with you and helped you better understand the mystic arts. you were almost tempted to text him but had to hold yourself back. it wouldn’t be that much longer until you could return to the sanctum; the mission was close to being complete and you had already documented most of the details in your report anyway, so it wouldn’t take long to finish. but still… you actually really, truly missed him. you tapped anxiously at your thigh, weighing your different options.

“oh, fuck it,” you said as you reached for your phone on the nightstand and scrolled down to his contact name. it had been a while since the two of you had texted each other, what with the rift between you and then after you started living with him, there was no need for it. but now… being away from him for even less than a week was messing with your head and you just wanted to talk to him. you would much rather see him or hear the familiar baritone of his voice that you oftentimes felt more than heard instead of through the cold and detached words on a screen, but you didn’t want to seem too desperate or clingy. 

hi, you texted lamely and immediately felt like an idiot once you hit send, mentally smacking your forehead. that was really what you chose to start with?

it turned out that stephen didn’t seem to have a problem with your pathetic attempt at texting, as he quickly sent back, miss me?

you could practically hear the satisfied smirk in his text and rolled your eyes as you started to type out a snarky response before changing your mind, deciding to be open with him for a change. he had been far more open with his feelings toward you than you had with him, and it was probably time you reciprocated. i do, you responded. 

there was a pause, the three dots popping up on the screen and then disappearing in the next moment. you felt so stupid, and you probably did seem just as desperate and clingy as you were hoping not to.

your fingers danced over the keyboard in a quick attempt to backtrack your response, but then his incoming text slid onto the screen before you could hit send. 

can i come see you?

please.

taglist: @stygianoir @poor-unfortunate-soul-85 @samisubi @seishoari @mischiefmanaged71 @pasta-warlord @elicheel @vesta-ro @luthientinu @torresbarnes @kikus-art @stanny-uwu @hospitaldaydream @loki-is-loved @slvtforstr4nge @sofi786 @glitterylokislut @faithinhome @mando-is-the-way @bobateadaydreams @singhfae @evelynrosestuff @lazysheepperfection @reinereinegoaway @preciousbabypeter @mayotsukia @lucimorningst4r @tis-vereon @talesofadragon @sleepdeprivedasever @wanderingfairy73 @strangelockd @cafeaueva @remuslupinwifee @kathanibennett @ironstrange1991 @strangeobsessed @strangesweetheart @lucywrites02 @kentucky-criedfricken @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13 @strangeions

tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you for some reason, so sorry!

let me know if you want to be added/removed from any of my taglists!

[buckyhoney-library]

nsfw alphabet, b.b

A/N: so sorry it took so long! hope you enjoy! sebastians & nomad!steve should be out sometime this week(end)!

reblogs/likes/feedback are greatly appreciated & highly encouraged

However, do NOT repost/steal ANY of my fics on my blog!

Warnings: 18+, language, smutty thoughts, sorry for any missed typos!

chris evans nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex)

bucky takes aftercare so seriously! he makes sure that you have everything that you need and you're taken care of first. showering you in praises, holding you close, getting you water or snacks- he is at your beck and call.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part on themselves and on their partner)

thighs. thighs. thighs. He loves laying between them with his head resting on your stomach. His fingers tracing patterns on your skin- peppering kisses on the inside. bucky's arms are hooked around them while he is giving you head, rubbing small circles on the outside.

bucky has grown to love his vibranium arm, because of how much you love it. he has changed arm usage from a weapon to a useful tool in every situation. being able to cool it and playing with temperatures, pinning you down- making sure you go nowhere- or even being able to cause it to vibrate.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)

he loves to paint with his cum. as much as he LOVES to cum inside you and make you hold it- there is something so pretty with his cum plastered on your back or on your tummy. "you look so pretty with my cum on your thighs," bucky is especially fond of watching it drip down your breasts or leak down your thighs. bucky just stares in awe of how it glistens against your skin.

D = Dirty Secret (What do they secretly want)

he wants you to praise him. bucky lives off of praise and when you whimper how good he's making you feel or how he's such a good boy? it throws him over the edge, encouraging him to go faster and harder. he'll never ask for them, but when you start hyping him up, fuck he enters a state of nirvana.

E = Experience (Do they know what they are doing?)

1940's bucky as we all know was very experienced but after eighty years of nothing? he needs a little help regaining his confidence, but man will he practice and have no problems asking for help. he'd be a little embarrassed of cumming early or not being able to satisfy like he used too, but bucky watches porn and experiments like no tomorrow, catching up on all the new toys/techniques/positions etc.

F = Favorite Position (Self-explanatory)

bucky's favorite position would be cowgirl or where you're laying on your side, so he could hold you. cowgirl because he gets the perfect view of your body and everything about it.

with an honorable mention of missionary- but missionary with your legs in the air spread for all can see. if he's feeling a little spicy, he'll press on your lower abdomen, adding extra pressure.

G = Goofy (Are they serious during sex or goofy

BOTH. There is a time and a place for serious, rough, passionate sex (and boy does he enjoy that), but for the most part, Bucky wants you to feel good and he wants to learn- which means there will be some mishaps and failed moments, but he loves those moments just the same.

H = Hair (Are they well-groomed?)

he is well kept and clean. bucky isn't hairless, but he does make sure that everything is trimmed up and clean.

J = Jack Off (Do they masturbate?)

bucky only does when you're away or he's gone for a mission. when you're home, he has no problem telling you he's in the mood. when he does masturbate, it is to your pictures/videos you've sent or through facetime/phone calls. he doesn't watch porn unless that is the only option or he is looking for new things to try with you.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

oh boy does he have loads of kinks! bucky loves praise (receiving or giving)! during the more passionate and rough sessions, he is into degrading (but not too crazy) innocence kink. if you have met after his second sexual awakening? god, how he loves to ruin you. he loves the idea that he gets to teach you and that you're at his mercy. ice play/warming (idk what the word is) he loves when you call him sarg does this man have a filthy sarcastic mouth. dirty remarks of comments that leave his mouth- god, it's enough to you off in seconds.

L = Location (Favorite place to do it)

he is a traditional man at heart, so he loves the bedroom. bucky gets to be as loud as chooses and go as long as he wants without the fear of someone walking in or interrupting.

M = Motivation (What turns them on or gets them going?)

leggings. jeans. short shorts- anything that enhances your thighs or when you shoot back firey/witty comments matching his energy. The more traditional turn on's as well, suggestive comments, touching his chest letting it fall to his belt, lingering kisses on his lips and neck. "it's like you're begging me to fuck you silly,"

N = No (Something they will not do. Turnoffs.)

nothing with bodily fluids (other than saliva or cum) & i don't think he'd be fond of being too open in public- he's a private guy, but he doesn't mind the simple pda and light touches.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc.)

okay let me tell you- bucky loves getting head. your lips make him cum faster than anything else. "open wide, darling" he loves the ability to do it virtually anywhere (privately of course) and the quick clean up-but he mostly loves watching you take his length completely, hitting the back of your throat. "fuck, such a good girl taking all of me," hearing you moan into him and gag makes him go FERAL. bucky isn't a head pusher, but he does grip your hair.

bucky does love going down on you too. his cock throbs at the sight of your legs shaking and squirming. the sounds you make encourage him more, but he doesn't stop when you cum- he licks up every last drop of you. "im not stopping, so i'd stop moving if i were you," he'll occasionally pop his head up to make sure that he's doing everything right and you're enjoying yourself- the last thing he wants is for you to fake it (which only happened when he first re-entered the dating world)

P = Pace (Are they fast or rough? Or slow and sensual?)

there is a time and place for everything. bucky loves sensual sex because he feels the most connected to you and he has been without physical/emotional connection for so long that it's become a must. it is also where he feels the most control and the best, when he can be 100% vulnerable- something never thought he could do.

fast and rough is for those needy moments where he can't get his hands off of you- complete feral mode. when you've been teasing him relentlessly and he needs to remind you who's in charge. those nights are when the kinkiest of kinks come to play.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than regular sex)

quickies are reserved for dinner parties, group outings, etc. where you look too good and he can't keep his hands off of you. "i wanna see if you taste as good as you look". quickies usually consist of fast rough sex that leaves bruises or marks. they also mainly consist of giving/receiving head.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

oh does he! he has almost ninety years of sex trends/toys/etc to catch up on. it will be the middle of the night and you'd be fast asleep only to be woken up by him shaking your arm and going "baby, we have to try this!"

bucky isn't a risk-taker in the sense of public and potentially getting caught, he is a risk-taker in the sense that he is willing to try anything once.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

bub is a super-soldier. his stamina outlasts yours by HOURS. you'd be panting and lying sideways and bucky would be ready for the next round and you'd have to tap out. he would chuckle and hold you, teasing you about how you can't last. "can't handle this cock? i thought you said you could go all night?"

T = Toys (Do they own or use toys on themselves or partners?)

bucky has a whole drawer dedicated to the greatest quality toys. "only the best for you, dollface." he loves seeing how far he can push you with the vibrators. tying the vibrator to your clit and watching you be sent over the moon. bucky wouldn't be too crazy about using toys on himself, but he isn't opposed to being handcuffed (or pegged)

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

BIGGEST TEASE in the galaxy. Touching you, grazing your heat, kissing your neck, rubbing the inside of your thigh, (stuffing a vibrator inside you while you're on the phone), or whispering dirty things in your ear- but God forbid if you tease him back. there will be hell to pay if you try teasing him back. "you better rethink your next move, darling," "i think you forgot who's allowed to tease who."

V = Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

bucky is pretty quiet, with the exceptions of grunts and whimpers. His mouth is filthy and he dirty talks like there is no tomorrow! he is also a cocky little shit and sarcastic- which doesn't stop in the bedroom. "your cunt feel so good around me," "open your eyes, i want you to watch as i ruin you" "look at you, you're soaked for me"

W = Wildcard (Random headcanon for your character)

cockwarming. babe lives for cockwarming. early morning lazy sex, but too lazy to pull out of you. you'd be laying on your side with your leg over his, with his cock buried inside of you. "no, honey, just stay" he would mumble with his head resting in the cook of your neck, placing small kisses on your neck, but falling back asleep.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

baby, that serum did wonders. bucky is packing that seven to eighter. his cock would poke through your tummy and he won't stop talking about it for weeks.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

HIGH. VERY HIGH. he is ready whenever and wherever the time calls.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)

bucky's stamina is so high that he probably is starving. he would perform aftercare for you, but once you'd have cared for- he is standing naked in the kitchen making a sandwich.

[glassprism]

Is Gina Beck's Christine more e/c leaning or e/r?

I think you meant R/C in the last part? Though I would be totally down for a Christine who's rooting for the Phantom and Raoul to get together during the show.

Anyway, Gina Beck is interesting because while her interviews suggest that her Christine does not feel much romantic love for the Phantom by the end, her acting is very sympathetic towards him. For example, in this BroadwayWorld interview, it says:

The fans of the show tend to want her to end up with the Phantom...

Yes, and when she kisses him, all these different feelings come up making her question what she wants. The moment she gives the ring back is very hard, especially the way Ramin plays the Phantom, but ultimately she realises that her place is not with him.

And in this Access London interview:

AL: During the final lair scene, the audience sees a much more vulnerable side to The Phantom. How would you describe Christine's character and emotions in that scene?

GB: Well Christine actually comes into her own in this scene, she is scared but she doesn't crumble, she gets angry with the Phantom rather than cowering and then realises what it is that might make him see reason and gives herself to him. After he frees Raoul she has nothing but pity for him and his plight.

But with her acting, she often seems very into the Phantom. We have 'Music of the Night' where she gives a little pleasure-squeeze of her stomach when he sings (the Phantom has "awakened" something in her at that moment... and she likes it):

There's also her, ahem, "orgasm face" at some moments:

Now those are moments from before she's realized who the Phantom is, but what about after? Well, I've talked about this moment in 'All I Ask of You', where she kisses Raoul but jerks back when she touches the side of his face. Contrast it with how she reacts when she kisses the Phantom and touches the same side:

Anyway, I'm just saying there's a reason why fans were theorizing that Gina Beck's Christine, during her AIAOY kiss, was secretly imagining she was kissing the Phantom and broke off the kiss when she realized she could not feel the deformity.

And of course, we have her reaction when returning the ring:

Which is why even though her interviews suggest otherwise, I tend to characterize Gina Beck's Christine as more E/C-leaning. Heck, maybe Gina Beck is literally embodying Christine - her head says Raoul, her emotions say the Phantom. Whatever it is, she's a fun Christine to watch!

[multi-maker]

— i am still a god, my dear.

notes: i am in need of strong venti not taking anyones crap right now so here’s a short fic about it :D yay !!!

Venti knew, from the start, what the Tsaritsa planned for him. He sensed the Fatui Agents long before he even exited the Cathedral, with the wind telling him warnings of ill intentioned people. Originally, he was gonna make the Harbinger win. He has no love for conflict and defying her will result in destruction. He does not want pointless deaths of the people of Mondstadt.

Venti toned down his winds - even when he knew he could produce powerful, devastating winds. Summoning a hurricane or a tornado was like breathing to him. It was easy. He pretended to be vulnerable, his winds laughably weak as he taunted the female.

“Your smirk looks out of place, did you steal it from your Master’s face?” Venti taunted, aquamarine eyes twinkling as a smirk slides on his lips - For a coward like her does not scare Venti the slightest. He sees the anger in her face, the rage swimming in her eyes. He braces himself as she slides into a stance, fingers curled and glowing.

He didn’t count on the traveler jumping in. Since last he checked, they were held down.

Venti watches in horror as the traveler meets the Harbinger head on, anemo energy pulsing in their hand as they called out for their sword. Constellations danced on their fingertips as the sword materializes, and he watches as they try to plunge it.

Venti sees it before the traveler - La Signora’s hand coming for the traveler, coated with frost and ice.

His eyes glowed, hand held out to summon Anemo energy to try and lessen the blow. But deep down, to the darkest pits of his heart, he knew he wouldn’t make it.

The traveler lets out a pained scream, ice freezing their legs and chest. Without mercy, La Signora performs a kick to them, sending them flying and hitting the cobble walls of the Cathedral. The impact caused cracks to appear, as the traveler slid down almost lifelessly as golden eyes slid close and the sword turns limp in their hands.

Barbatos sees red.

La Signora had a second to react before she was almost blown away. She regained her footing, eyes going wide in the slightest at the sight before her. Mondstadt Rodent God, the Absentee Archon, was livid.

No longer was he in the outfit of his human form - He took the appearance of an Archon indeed. White wings unfurled from behind him, a golden and blue bow glowing in his hands. His eyes were dark and cold as he regarded her, head held high as he floated aimlessly.

“La Signora, Eighth of the Fatui Harbingers,” His voice was soft, but it held power and authority an Archon could only possess. He glowed brightly, and La Signora could only stand properly due to her power. Wind whipped around her fiercely, and she notes, with horror in her eyes, that all her subordinates laid in the ground, unconscious and perhaps lifeless.

The Anemo Archon - Barbatos, holds his hand out. “Do you hear that, La Signora?” He echoes. “Hear what?” She snarks a reply, but fear has long settled within her heart. The Tsartisa has explicitly told her that the Anemo Archon will not fight back.

If she doesn’t piss him off, that is.

The Tsaritsa, the Cryo Archon, has told her softly yet dangerously, that Barbatos was someone who you should never underestimate. Many people has done this act, but the Cryo Archon was adamant.

“He is to be feared, La Signora.” The Tsaritsa speaks softly. “Many has underestimated Barbatos due to his claims of being the weakest Archon out of the Seven - Due to him being an absentee Archon.” She pauses, icy eyes staring straight into La Signora’s eyes.

“But he is not someone you should take lightly, for he is still an archon.”

Barbatos floats, the feather in his wings ruffling at the powerful tempest he commanded. “Do you not hear the winds howl, for a crime so foul?” He recites. “You have harmed someone so dear, so perhaps I should pay you back with your eyes shining with tears?” He laughs, but it is mirthless and cold. Unfeeling. Dark.

Like a predator taunting his prey.

La Signora squares her shoulders, and meets the Archons eyes with no fear. “I will not be conquered by a rodent god.” She grounds, catalyst floating and ready for her beck and call. The Anemo Archon cocks an eyebrow, his smile small yet cold. “Such bravery, my dear,” He coo’s, his eyes growing colder.

“But such bravery, will get you killed.”

La Signora went flying into the opposite wall, and she barely had any time to summon her ice to stop her smashing head first into the cathedral wall. “The wind is at my beck and call, for my anger will not fall.” His voice echoed around her, taunting the Harbinger who shakily rose to her feet. “I have survived the dreadful Archon War. Who do you think you are, to waltz in my territory and try to best me?” His voice grows cold and dark as he once again floated from above.

He holds out his palm, eyes cold and smile equally cold as well. He regards her with calculating eyes, and his lips quirked. Already, thin lines of blood rolled down on her skin. The wind was sharp and merciless as it hit her, but Venti - no, Barbatos felt no remorse.

“Shall we make a contract, Fatui Slave?” His voice echoes as he landed on his feet. His wings unfurled from behind him, head tilted and bow on hand. “What kind of contract, Barbatos?” She snarks, catalyst on hand. The Archon of the Wind ponders, before his smile lightens up. “An eye for an eye, as my dear friend would say.” He says, eyes gleaming.

“Defeat me in a fight, and the gnosis you shall claim.” He announces, hand revealing a chess piece. La Signora stares at it, eyes gleaming. She wanted nothing but to grab it and flee, but such actions were unfit for a Harbinger.

She doesn’t think she will be able to flee long, as well.

“And if you win?” She asks him cautiously, weighing ideas and plans in her mind. She looks around discreetly, noting with distaste that none of the Agents were awake and conscious.

Barbatos smiles pleasantly.

“Then your head I shall claim,” He answers her softly, and La Signora feels her skin tingle with fear.

“And I shall send it to my dear old friend - Perhaps she will realize the boundaries of her play.” He hums, aquamarine eyes glowing as the winds grew sharper, deadlier, and stronger.

La Signora freezes as three arrows headed for her, encased in anemo energy. She dodges, twirling and an ice shield forming before her. “I have no say in this, and that’s quite unfortunate. I will not lose to an absentee Archon.” She announces, sliding into a stance.

The smile Barbatos gives her is cold and unfeeling, and it makes her spine tingle as she realizes what she got herself into. Fighting an Archon in his territory, with an element that is everywhere and anywhere.

“Then let’s begin a dangerous dance, my dear. For I don’t plan to lose, especially to a Fatui Slave.”

[amanda-glassen]

Smut prompt #17 “do you want to come on my fingers or mouth?” for Beccarena 🥵

“Do you want to come on my fingers or in my mouth?”

The question made Serena wonder where her newfound confidence had come from and how she had gotten to the point where she could be free to ask that question to the woman who had been her best friend for the past 17 years.

“Your fingers, baby,” Becca responded before kissing her deeply. “I wanna feel you moving inside me.” Her response made Serena’s whole body tingle and she was grateful that Becca’s black cocktail dress and underwear were already discarded on the passenger seat of her car.

Their sorority had a reunion that they attended out of social obligation rather than the desire to catch up with women they didn’t like in college and especially didn’t like now. The reunion was scheduled from 6 to 10, but they only made it until 8 before Serena couldn’t take it anymore. The way Becca looked in her little black dress made her mind shift to how she looked without it. She had to have her and she couldn’t wait until they got home so they drove to a secluded spot a few miles away and Becca wasted no time before getting undressed and straddling her in the backseat.

She traced circles around Becca’s nipple with her tongue before gently starting to nibble, the sensation making Becca gently toss her head back. She knew Becca was soaked and she wanted nothing more than to feel her riding her tongue, but if Becca wanted her inside she was going to give her exactly what she wanted.

She teased Becca’s opening, awakening the nerve endings there as she bit down on her neck, causing Becca to moan. “Fuck me,” Becca commanded, never one to be subtle about what she wanted.

Without anymore hesitation, she slipped three fingers inside and felt Becca clench around her. She was tight and hot and soft, so soft. She had waited a lifetime to freely express her love for her and now she was hers. She had never felt anything as intimate or as beautiful as being inside Becca.

She was grinding hard on Serena’s fingers and Serena tried to take it all in－the way Becca’s abs flexed, the way her tits bounced, and the way she gripped Serena’s shoulders for leverage as she tossed her head back.

Serena could feel her tightening around her when she began to rub the spot that she knew would always drive Becca crazy. “Baby, I’m－” But before she could finish what she was going to say, Serena felt warm wetness gush down her wrist and onto her dress.

“You’re so beautiful when you come,” Serena said as she held her afterward.

When she pulled away, she noticed the low light illuminate the tears rolling down Becca’s cheeks. “Sorry, I’m just a little…I don’t even know how to say it.”

Serena kissed the tears on her cheeks, eliciting a smile from Becca in return. “You can tell me anything. We’ll always be each other’s safe space.”

Becca leaned in to her so she could feel the safety in Serena’s embrace. She didn’t know how it happened or why, but Becca was feeling vulnerable so all Serena wanted was to protect the heart of the woman she’s loved for nearly half her life.

“Is this real?” Becca asked. “Sometimes I need to know what we’re experiencing with each other is actually happening. You’re real and you’re here with me. Everyone I’ve allowed inside me since I was 19, I wished he or she was you. I always thought about you and now you’re here and you’re mine and you look so fucking beautiful that it hurts.”

“This is real,” Serena reassured her as she caressed her back to comfort her. “Everything we’re experiencing right now is real. The love, the trust, all of it. And we can be this way for the rest of our lives.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Beck. Should we go back to the reunion? I think they’re going to notice that the president and vice president are gone.”

“Hell no,” Becca said as she nuzzled into her. “We smell like sex, I squirted all over your dress, and you haven’t had your turn yet. Right now you’re going to lie back, hike up this dress, and spread ‘em for me so I can taste you.”

…and just like that, Becca was back to her usual self.

[ohmyasmodeus]

𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 ☼

first of all, @smolomon​, i hope you know that i would die for you. effective now. if you want me to take a bullet for you i seriously will, thank you so much !! and thank you for your patience, i know this request has been sitting in the drafts for a hot minute, but i really wanted to make sure my writing was top notch because this is one of the best requests i’ve received thus far. i hope you love this imagine as much as i do ♡

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

♡ 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘳

✧   You never believe people when they say that heaven is a place on earth, but standing with Lucifer on a deserted train platform waiting for the train home, bathed in golden light… you think you finally understand. You can’t help but laugh softly at the irony. Lucifer had visited you in the human world and spent the entire day with you, and the date couldn’t have ended in a better way.

✧   “What is it, love?” Lucifer murmurs as he pulls you close with his arms around your waist. Here, neither of you have to worry about affecting his reputation, and he showers you in affection freely. The sunset’s light illuminates his face brilliantly, falling on his strong cheekbones and making his lashes appear golden.

“I’m going to miss you...” you sigh. You gently bring your hands up to cradle his face, watching as his eyes gleam a vibrant scarlet as the light hits them.

“I’ll be back before you know it. I promised to take you to that museum this weekend, didn’t I?” The smile Lucifer gives you— the overwhelming love and all the sweet promises behind that smile make your heart ache, and he starts to sway the both of you gently as he talks. “But… I’m going to miss you too, _______.”

And you know he will. Despite the distance between the both of you, despite the dignified front that he has to put on around people, Lucifer is just as obsessed with you as you are with him. You know it and you feel it in the way his breath catches in his throat when he marvels at how gorgeous you look in the light; the way he holds you close while watching the sun set past the city’s skyline, slowly casting the both of you in brilliant crimson and golden light. There is nothing that needs to be said between the both of you. Your train rushes into the platform, and the moment is over in the blink of an eye, but Lucifer hugs you tight one last time before letting you leave. His gloved hand runs down the length of your arm as he lets you go.

You want to watch him watch your train drive by, but the wistful look he gives you as you leave is too much to leave everything simply unsaid. You find yourself rushing back to him and nearly tackling him as you fall into his arms almost desperately, looking up at him as you clutch the front of his coat to say, “Kiss me, Lucifer.”

And he kisses you without hesitation; without consideration for the people around you, without the need to hide just how in love he is with you. His hands are on your hips, pulling you closer, wanting everyone on the platform to know that he is eternally yours.

Heaven is a place on earth; any place at all with Lucifer.

♡ 𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯

✧   hey, come over [received, 6:45pm]

✧   like rn [received, 6:46pm]

✧   Mammon seems disgruntled as you pull him onto the roof of your apartment building, and you have to hold in a laugh. You know your sudden text might’ve made him expect something completely different from being hustled onto a roof while holding a small stack of tupperware boxes.

“Oi, what am I! A slave?” Mammon whines as you direct him to set the boxes down on the floor. Crossing his arms, he pouts as he watches you set the picnic cloth down with a flourish, close to the barred railings of the rooftop. “Ya can’t just call me up and expect me to be at your every damn beck and call!”

“We have a pact, so I kind of can. Now shush and eat.” You pinch his cheek with a laugh, before pulling him down to have a seat with you. It’s obvious how much he missed you and continues to miss you every moment the two of you are apart, so even with his whining, you have to show him some love and lean your head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around your waist instinctively to keep you as close as he possibly can, even as he rolls his eyes and grumbles.

Like a painting, the pale blue sky slowly shifts to gentle hues of rose quartz and dandelion yellow, and Mammon is completely enraptured. Completely thrilled in his silence, he grins as he watches the sun sink behind the hills that frame your city. If it wasn’t for you bringing the spoon up to his lips every so often, he would’ve let his food go cold in its lonely tupperware box. You find yourself enraptured as well, enchanted by the way his eyes light up and eventually flick to gaze at you.

“Ya never get to see anything like this in the Devildom… Never thought I’d call humans lucky, but shit.” Mammon’s voice is quiet, as if speaking any louder would frighten the sunset off and make the moment disappear. “It’s beautiful.”

Your heart can’t contain itself, and you laugh softly as you lean into his side and feed him another spoonful. “Just like you.”

“That’s my line…” Mammon grumbles, but there isn’t a hint of heat behind his words. Instead, he takes off his jacket and drapes it across the both of you, settling into your warmth as the evening chill starts to set in. Eventually, you’ll manage to wiggle into his lap and talk about the deepest parts of yourselves while trying to count the stars, completely unafraid to be true; but for now, you give him a kiss and quietly watch the greatest sunset of your life with your favourite person in the world.

♡ 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯

✧   Littered with reminders of him, your car is Leviathan’s favourite place to be. On days where you manage to wrangle him out of his room, he loves following you around as you run your errands in the human world and, much like a satisfied puppy, ends up waiting in the car with his Nintendo switch. (It makes you get the urge to place a sign on the door telling everyone that your snake of a boyfriend has the air conditioning turned on and has the window cracked open.)

✧   “Hey, look!” you say, trying to catch Levi’s attention. Aside from a noncommittal murmur from the demon that lays his head on your chest while the both of you snuggle in the backseat, your comment receives pretty much no acknowledgement whatsoever. You end up having to knee Levi to get him to look. “Babe, look out the window!”

Levi sighs, and sets his switch down on his chest. He shivers slightly in pleasure when you run a hand through his hair. “The sky’s just purple.”

“Just keep watching,” you tell him as you continue stroking his hair. Shades of lilac dominate the sky, fading off into a deeper royal shade struck through with bolts of gold that scatter throughout the clouds that pass. It all reminds you of him, the amount of charming personality he hides in the comfortable obscurity of his bedroom, the amount of secrets he reveals only to you. Levi watches in quiet contemplation that swiftly turns into fascination, especially when the stars start glimmering through the pale clouds.

“Woah!” he exclaims. “That’s so unreal! You guys get to watch stuff like this every day?”

“Most people don’t bother looking away from their screens for long enough to!” With a teasing laugh, you pinch his cheek and wrap your arms around his waist to snuggle closer into him.

“H-hey! Leave me alone!”

“I didn’t say I was talking about you! Are you admitting to something?” As Levi struggles in your grasp, you bury your face in his neck to blow raspberries that have him giggling, cheeks turning red as he tries to tickle you in return. You want to do this with him every night, you want to see him blush as you tease him… You want to give him all the affection you can, cuddled up in the backseat of your car for as long as he can stay in your arms.

♡ 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘯

✧   Soft grass tickles your skin and makes you smile, but what makes you smile the most is the way Satan tries to hide his blush with his book as you guide him to lay his head in your lap. The grass patch the pair of you settle into is a great change of pace from spending time trapped in the tomb-like library that Satan’s bedroom had become, and it’s all too easy to accidentally end up spending the entire day there together.

✧   “This is nice,” you hum, running your hand through Satan’s silky blond hair, ruffling it gently like the breeze ruffles the greenery that surrounds you. “I can actually breathe.”

“But at what cost…” Satan mumbles with a half-baked attempt at sounding dissatisfied. He blows away a cute bug that had found its way onto his leather bound book, which flits away, catching your eye with the way the fading sunlight catches on its gossamer wings. You fully know that Satan enjoys the setting as much as you do, and you kiss his forehead as you chuckle.

The time you spend with him is wonderful in its tranquility. The both of you understand each other, and understand that not all time needs to be spent talking. You revel in the quiet moments where his unspoken love washes over you with the way he holds your hand, or gazes at you quietly with a loving softness before returning to what he had been doing before. You love the way he loves you. You love the way he blushes when you show him any kind of affection, as if unused to the vulnerability of receiving genuine outspoken love.

The gilded light falls perfectly on Satan’s face, making his pale lashes look almost delicate while the sun sets before you. The sun slowly dips behind the rolling hills, and Satan gasps softly as he watches the shades of red set the sky ablaze behind sparse mist-like clouds.

“I’ve read about plenty of sunsets… but there are no words in any language that could capture something like this.” Satan’s voice is full of an innocent kind of wonder as he speaks, one that you have rarely heard him express. The many kinds of happiness that Satan expresses daily, though seemingly real, are all nuanced masks that the cynical demon skilfully applies— but the adorable crinkles under his eyes and the shamelessly wide grin makes it obvious that this is genuine happiness. He notices your silence and reaches a hand up to caress your cheek. “What are you thinking about, ______?”

“Just how I want to be like this forever with you.” You lean into his touch and lean down to kiss him with a radiant smile that matches his.

Satan manages to laugh softly this time, relaxing into the soft displays of affection with you, though his faint blush refuses to fade. “I think I’d like that.”

♡ 𝘢𝘴𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘶𝘴

✧   Dates in the human world aren’t dates if they don’t include having dessert at the most stylish bistros in the city. Not to Asmodeus, at least, and you can understand. They might be expensive at times, but these cafes offer the best food for the both of you to feed each other over the table, and are perfect for a million different photo opportunities that help Asmodeus let everyone who follows him know that his life is so much better than theirs.

✧   Which is why you’re surprised to notice that not once has Asmo demanded your help in taking photos after the sun had begun to set. Through the wide windows of the bistro that you sit beside, the sunlight filters through in a mix of pale golds and pinks. It’s the perfect opportunity for yet another set of pictures, but Asmo just sits happily, chattering on and asking you questions about yourself while he sips his milkshake.

“But it’s so tacky, isn’t it! Like, stop involving yourself in drama and get a life!” Asmodeus huffs, and you could laugh at his hypocrisy.

“Ugh, you’re so cute.”

“I know.” Asmo winks and slides his hand over the one you rest on the table to gently hold it, resting his chin on his free hand as he gazes at the way the sunlight paints your skin in gorgeous crystalline shades. His amber eyes are akin to those of churchgoers that gaze up at stained glass depictions of the saints in their adoration. It makes you blush, the way he smiles at you like you are his entire world, and quietly takes in your beauty.

You laugh bashfully. “You feeling okay? You haven’t asked me to take pictures of you at all today.”

“We have all of eternity to keep taking pictures of me. I just wanted to focus on you today, ______.” Asmo’s voice softens as he says that, and he takes your hand to kiss your knuckles with complete devotion. “You’re beautiful.”

“Ah… you really think so?”

“I’ve never seen a sunset before, but as stunning as it is, it’s still nothing compared to you, love.” Asmo’s smile is as gentle as the warmth the sunlight makes you feel as it falls upon your skin, and the love he showers you with is so familiar in its all-encompassing glow. Despite his sin, you never have to fear not being enough for him. He reminds you of it in so many ways every single day, and it makes you blush and return his gentle smile. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

You can’t believe it either, and it makes you laugh quietly as you pull him by the collar into a sweet kiss over the cafe table, tasting the sugary sweet strawberry milkshake on his lips. It’s so him, and every little thing about Asmo just makes you crazier for him.

♡ 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘻𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘣

✧   The neon lights of the carnival are blinding, the laughter from having so much fun around your favourite person in the world making your stomach hurt, but you simply can’t stop. Especially not when Beelzebub carries you on his shoulders while running around the place and through the funhouses with childish glee. Your hands tangle themselves in his hair as you giggle and kiss his head, watching the sun slowly sink from the top of the world.

✧   Beel is trying to fix your hair at the end of it, sticking his tongue out in concentration while the both of you stand on the boardwalk, cooled by the seaside wind. It makes you giggle at him even more as you hold the cotton candy that you had bought to share.

“Where does your parting go again?” Beel mutters. “Left or right?”

“It’s fine, baby,” you chuckle, and tiptoe to kiss the tip of his tongue, resting your hand on his chest. It makes him give you a goofy smile around his tongue before he pulls it back in. You swear you feel your heart melt. “But thanks for trying.”

Under your hand, you feel Beel’s heart still wildly beating, and you’re not quite sure if it’s from the adrenaline of winning so many games and riding the rollercoasters, or if it’s from something else. You know that your heart is definitely still racing, but mostly because of the proximity between the both of you. The sun is setting past the horizon at this point, and you see it clearly slip halfway below the waves. The waves almost bleed crimson with the sky, and gold scatters across the waves as they crest over the horizon.

“______…” Beel’s voice is quiet in its awe. You feel his hand hold yours as he watches.

“Right?” You say, leaning into him. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it.” He’s almost too distracted by the sight to take a nibble of the cotton candy, but of course he does, and you smile at his courtesy. He always saves some of his food to share with you no matter how hungry he can be. “It’s just like you… You’re so different from anyone I’ve ever met before. Special. And you’re really beautiful, too.”

“Even with my hair like this?” You can’t help but giggle some more. He always does this to you, makes you feel a lightness and a warmth that you’ve never felt before around anyone else.

Beel kisses your head, and then leans down to kiss you, smiling against your lips. You feel the sticky sugar of the cotton candy on his lips, and you can’t stop yourself from smiling into the kiss too.

“Even with your hair. No matter what you look like, I want to be yours.”

♡ 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘳

✧   You don’t know exactly what makes Belphegor visit you so much, considering the fact that he does the same thing in the human world that he does in the Devildom— sleep so much that he hardly pays attention to you.

✧   Complaining is easy, but you know that he can’t help it. Belphie tries to stay awake and do fun things with you when he can, and when he can’t, he’s always pulling you into bed so he can cuddle up with you and still dote on you in his own quiet way. You like that about him.

Belphie’s silky hair reflects the light that streams in through the windows, the faint orange and lilac hues dancing across him and casting shadows on the sheets, and you can’t help but press the softest kiss to his forehead.

“Wake up, Belphie,” you whisper. “Dinnertime.”

“Mm.” He shifts in the sheets and reluctantly opens his eyes with slow, sleepy blinks that make you want to shower him in all your love. Giving you a squeeze, he sighs and buries his face in your neck to hide from the light. With a bit of coaxing, you get him to sit up in bed with you, the both of you still swaddled in the comfortable covers as you lean into each other drowsily. Even in his sleepy state, you’re irresistible to Belphie. His hands wander slowly across your skin as he pulls you into him, the both of you quietly watching through the window as the sky turns brilliant shades of violet, the sun setting behind the buildings in the distance.

Belphie moves languidly. He rests his chin on your shoulder while mumbling, “Would you look at that.”

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” you sigh. “You’d get to see stuff like this more often if we actually went out when you visit.”

“Mm, but why would I go out if I could keep you all to myself here in bed?” Belphie’s voice is accompanied by his chuckling, and you can’t help but blush and nudge him with your elbow.

“You sound so gross.”

“You love it. You love me.” Belphie laughs and finds your hand to hold underneath the covers, and he holds you as close as he possibly can, nuzzling his face into your neck once more. You feel him leave the softest kisses on your skin as he intertwines your fingers in his. “...I love you, ______.”

Complaining is easy, until you’re reminded of moments like these with him, where life is simply too perfect to be real.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[spinster-sisters]

Sunflower. LTY

Warnings: Face fucking mostly, a toxic as fuck relationship, swearing

A/N: THIS RELATIONSHIP IS TOXIC AF SO PLEASE DON’T THINK IM SAYING THIS IS OK OR THAT IM ROMANTISIZING THIS

also, guess which song this is based on lol

This is gonna b like a 3 part mini series so stay tuned

THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY OLD BLOG

You don’t know how the fuck you got here, standing outside the looming apartment building. It was going to rain soon, you could tell because not a star was visible in the night sky, covered by clouds. Distant thunder rumbled in the air. You told yourself never again, yet here you were.

It started almost a year ago,

You meet Taeyong in at a frat party. You hadn’t spoken much, both of you too drunk to care. It didn’t take long for you to take him home.

When you woke the next morning, your bed was empty, no note, no text, nothing. At the time you didn’t care, it was just a one night stand right?

Then, not even a week later it happened again, this time you were both completely sober, having spoken for almost an hour before, only this time you didn’t even make it out of the party before you found a closet for a quick fuck. Once again, total static after. After the fourth time, the man ghosted you, you told yourself no more. You had become somewhat invested in this man, each time believing you might have a future, only for him to disappear the next day. So you promised your self that it wouldn’t happen again.

It was only 2 weeks before the man had once again lured you into his bed. You didn’t mean to fall in love, you didn’t. You tried fucking around, just as he did. You tried blind dates and parties, and even binge drinking to try and keep your mind away from Taeyong. Yet every time, you would scramble to meet him, anytime, any place he desired. You were at his beck and call.

It got to the point were others knew not to even bother, you were Taeyong’s. No matter how much you flirted, how hot you looked, how desperate they were, no one dared to touch what Taeyong had successfully claimed. Even if he didn’t seem to need you.

He continued to sleep around as he pleased, going days without even texting you, then calling you at 2 am to come for a quick fuck. And every time you came running.

It was clear to everyone that to you, he was everything. But to him, you were nothing.

This reality hit you especially hard 3 weeks ago. He had been out with a girl, but she got to piss drunk before he could get his dick wet. And instead of jerking off he called you. You were there in 12 minutes. Though your time was cut short when he got a phone call, it was the girl from earlier, sobered up and ready for a good time.

He left before you had even got your clothes on.

That hit you hard. For 3 weeks you ignored his calls, for 3 weeks you avoided him at parties, for 3 weeks you were strong.  

Yet here you were, standing outside his apartment. The rain had just begun to fall. You were broken, you missed him, you wanted to see him, talk to him, feel him. He was like a drug or a god, in your eyes. You craved his attention, reveling in the few moments you had it. Those moments gave you a better high than any recreational substance ever could.

Which is why you are here, you are an addict going through withdrawals. And you needed your fix.

You walked up to the steps to the heavy metal door, and pressed the button next to his name, buzzing up to his apartment. You stood silent for a moment, wondering if he was even going to answer, it was nearly midnight.

“Hello?” Taeyong’s voice sounded over the intercom. Your heart cried out at the sound. It was pathetic really. You breath soon stopped though, you had no clue what to say. There was always a chance he would simply turn you away. You finally reached out a shaky finger, pressing down the button once again. A low buzzing sound told you he could hear you.

You were still at a loss for words. So you only squeaked out,

“Tae?”

Before releasing the button.

This seemed to be enough though, because soon a high pitch buzz rang out, signaling that the door was open. You heaved open the heavy metal door, before walking up the many flights of stairs to reach his apartment.

You stood outside his door for a minute, contemplating leaving. You had barely had the time to consider it before the door swung open.

And there he stood, in all his glory. A loss barely their white t hung off his slim frame, grey sweat pants loosely tied around his waist. The sight of him was enough to make your mouth run dry, you were practically gasping for water. You quickly swallowed in an attempt to fix the sensation, your heart racing for him.

He lifted the corner of his mouth into a slight smirk.

“Almost though you forgot which one it was,” He spoke, his voice deep and smooth enough to bring you to your knees. But in truth, he was almost mocking you with that statement. He knew as well as you did there was no way you could forget the way to him. You suppose that’s the reason your friends begged you to let him go, to ditch him completely. Because he knew how crazy you were for him, he knew you would come when he called, he knew the hold he had over you.

He chuckled at your slight pout, reaching out and grabbing your wrist, pulling you into his chest. You fell graciously into his arms, closing your eyes as his arms wrapped around your waist. You breathed in his sent, feeling your mind cloud over at the strong musk. Though your face was in his neck you sensed him moving close your ear, moving your hair out of the way with his nose.

“Miss me?” he whispered into the shell of your ear. You almost cried out to him, yes, yes you did miss him. But instead, you simply wrapped your arms around him and nodded into his shoulder. You finally saw his smirk when he pulled you back, admiring you at arm’s length. He looked up and down your body.  You blushed madly under his gaze.

Taeyong finally leads you inside, closing the door with a thud behind you, only to lean against the dining table, arms folded across his chest, now grinning wildly.

“What made you decide to come back to me, baby?” He asked, thought the sweetness in his voice didn’t reach his eyes, which showed how amused he was by your sudden appearance.

Something had happened, though you were reluctant to share. But it didn’t take much more of his intense gaze to have your resolve cracking.

“umm,” You began, not sure how much you wanted to share. “There was this guy” You eyed him, waiting for his reaction. He didn’t have one. “ Well, we were hanging out, and one thing leads to another,” You continued in a shaky voice, “ I hadn’t told him my name,” You explained, seeing how that was the only way any guy would be willing to risk sleeping with Taeyong’s girl. “But Tae it was-”

“Bad?” He filled in the blank. Still clearly finding the whole thing very amusing.

You swallowed again and nodded. At this, he audibly laughed.

“Well, what did you expect Y/N?” He chuckled out, pushing off the tabled and stalking towards you. “And I’m guessing you finally realized that no other guy can please you the way I do?” He asked mocking you slightly. You nodded again, shamefully.

“Did you finally realize how much you need me?” He asked, this time looking expectantly at you, waiting for an answer. You finally looked up to meet his dark swirling eyes. You had fallen in love with those eyes. You nodded, practically lunging froward to once again attach your self to him.

He chuckled at you once again, hand stroking down the length of your body, from the back of your neck to the swell of your ass.

“Show me how much you need me,” He orders in a soft voice leading you over to the couch. He was so fucking beautiful, your mind was clouded, practically drunk off his attention. You wanted to please him. Make him see how much you wanted him.

You knelt on the couch beside him, taking his hand into yours and raising his wrist to your lips. You trial your lips down the length of his arm savoring the way his soft skin felt against your lips.

Although you found him to be perfect in every way, Taeyong was not with his blemishes, one of these was how possessive he could be over you. While you often deluded yourself into thinking it was out of love, the truth was that Taeyong was greedy, and to put it simply, didn’t like to share toys.

So you continued to shower his body in affection. You moved yourself to straddle his lap, lips now reaching up to his shoulder, you hands skimmed underneath his shirt, tugging lightly, asking him to remove it. He obliged you, pulling the fabric over his head, his hands then resting on your hips, rubbing soft circles into your jeans.

Your lust had you practically drooling over the man in front of you. Just as you were about to dive back into to worshipping his golden skin, he reached up onto the hair at the base of your neck, taking a fist full into his hand by the roots, keeping your head immobile. He tugged at your hair, causing your head to fall back slightly, exposing your neck to the man. In your vulnerable state Taeyong tutted at you.

“So, this man,” He started, your blood ran cold “What was his name?”

Though the question was innocent, it held a deeper meaning.

“umm,?” You wondered aloud. Your mind was so swirled with thoughts of Taeyong, you honestly had a hard time recalling. His hand tapped your hip, telling to hurry up. Though just as he did so he also pulled out tighter onto his lap, bulge pressing into your core deliciously. You got lost in the feeling, starting to swirl and grind your hips absent mindedly

“Uhhh, I think it was-” You trailed off quietly, one good tug on your hair, reminding you of the question, “Umm- it was- I think I was Doyoung?” You wonder aloud. In reward for answering Taeyong began to grind up into you, matching your pace. The seam of your jeans was rubbing directly onto your clit, his hips swirling the bud onto the rough fabric. The outline of his cock was pressing perfectly on your slit, practically sliding between your folds through the fabric. You were already in pure bliss, happily chasing your high.

“Hmm,” He spoke aloud, almost casually as if he wasn’t one particularly strong thrust away from making you cum in your pants, which were already damp from your wetness.

“ You should know better than anyone, baby, how angry that makes me.” He adds, bringing a hand down to add pressure directly onto your clit, you cried out, picking up your pace.

“I think you need a reminder that your mine,” He comments. You were hanging off his every word, seconds away from release your stomach clenched in anticipation. You swirled your hips, once, twice, a third time. You were about to cum, hard, a fourth.

Taeyong quickly released your hair and took you by the hips, lifting you off of him. You nearly toppled over back onto him in shock. You stared at him, mouth agape and wide-eyed, a loud whimper ripping through your body. You were crying out for a release.

He laughed at you once again

“But first you need to thank me for letting you come up here after that stunt. Not listening to me for weeks? Ignoring me? You’ve been bad, baby” He practically spat at you as you collapsed onto the floor at his feet.

“Get over here and apologize.” He demanded, spreading his legs enough for you to sit comfortably between them. If you had thought for a moment you might have noticed the hypocrisy in his words, but you didn’t. Instead, you eagerly crawled into place. Mouth already hanging open, like an eager pet waiting to be fed.

Taeyong sat up straight, hand once again finding purchase in your hair while the other took his now fully erect dick out of his sweat pants. Your cunt throbbed in anticipation, mouth-watering at the sight. You straighten your back, leaning as far forward as the hand in your hair would allow.

“So eager, baby” He chuckled, before guiding your head onto his length. You happily let your jaw go slack as he guided your head up and down his cock. You loved him so much it hurt, so to you, his pleasure was worth the dull pain in the back of your throat. Though clearly, this was not enough, as soon he started thrusting into your mouth harshly. Tears began to stream down your cheeks as his throbbing dick moved down your throat. You choked and gagged frequently, trying your hardest to breathe through your nose.

“Hmm, such a good pretty baby,” He remarked, watching the drool that escaped your mouth drip down your chin. You looked up at him with big round eyes, causing him to groan. As his thrusts become more sporadic. He threw his head back, halting his movements. Soon, thick ropes of cum came pours down your throat. It was sticky and warm, already sliding down your throat. You had no choice but to swallow it, not that you minded.

You finally were released, pulling yourself off his dick. You were panting, throat feeling sore.

His hooded eyes watched you amusement still in his eyes.

“Oh, baby, you’ve always been so good for me,” He praised. “You’re never going to ignore me again are you?” He asked, as though talking to a child. You nodded in affirmation, completely, madly in love with the man before you.

Both of his hands reach out and cupped your face.

“Mine,” he said, more to himself than to you, as your eyes shown with adoration, practically sparkling with devotion.

I love you, I love you, I love you. You brain chanted over and over and over again. Staring longingly at his perfect face. It was as if a red glow surrounded him, everything aside from his figure was a blur, all you could see was Taeyong. You rested your cheek on his knee, eyes not leaving him.

Just as he was about to open his mouth a sudden ringing erupted from his phone. His eyes left your face. Hands leaving your head, and you felt a crash.

He reached forward without missing a beat, answering the phone on the second ring. Your head stopped spinning

“Hello” He spoke, voice clear and unbothered. The person on the other end talked for a moment before Taeyong responded,

“Of course,”

You came down from your high,

Without another word, he hung up the phone, stood abruptly, fixed his appearance, and walked out the front door.

Leaving you in a pile on his floor.

You were back where you started.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No.1

Jupiter, as well as your Moon in your Natal chart, can show your addictions just as much as Neptune can. Jupiter is about excess and your Moon is your emotional state. Where one feels comfort or how they process these things/emotions.  Mercury placements or Mercury Dominant often make people great lyricists and communicators. Many famous rappers are actually Gemini’s (Notorious B.I.G, 2 Pac, Kanye, Kendrick, Andre 3000, etc). That's because Gemini is ruled by Mercury/the god of communication. He also rules the lungs. People with this dominance are very good with wordplay and are blessed with the gift of gab. 

Your Sun is still important

...despite modern astrologers attempting to throw it away. Your sun is your core. Your ego. Your basic identity. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more-- we are heliocentric as a galaxy. This means all our planets orbit around the Sun. The same goes for your natal chart. Say you have a Gemini Sun and Capricorn moon but seem to identify more with Capricorn-- Your moon is your emotional habits-- and you know what they say about habits: they’re hard to break. This simply means you will always be a Gemini at your core even if you have the emotional tendencies and habits of a Capricorn. The same goes for those who say Lunar Scorpios are more ‘Plutonic’ than Solar Scorpios Now, it may seem that way, but this myth is only prevalent because emotions are extremely primal and powerful things. When they rear their head in a Plutonic way, people mistake the intensity for dominant power when in reality more drama does not equate more scorpionic influence. In fact, Scorpio’s are rarely the types to put on a show. They leave that for their Cousins-- The Cancers, The Arians [also ruled by Mars] & the Pisceans. True Scorpios prefer to be the tacticians. The ones who quietly observe their surroundings and flex when it comes to spatial awareness. They will rarely draw unnecessary attention to themselves and emotional scenes will often be kept under lock and key/private.

Speaking of Scorpio’s cousins, believe it or not, Aries, Sag’s and Cancers are the true divas of the zodiac, not Leos. That’s because Leo’s are upfront about what they want and will not surprise you with their scenes.

You know what’s coming/always knew it was there.  As for the aforementioned three, these triplets demand attention and praise or notice from others. Aries demand to be noticed for their prowess and skills, Sag’s can be excessive and demanding-- they want what they want and they want it NOW. No questions asked. Fueled by fire and Jupiter’s penchant for drama--you will never forget it if you don’t cough up what they demand. I.E. Nicki Minaj and her Grammy stunt[s]. Cancers give ultimatums to expedite the process of getting what they want. They are hard-pressed to demonstrate patience for people or to wait for situations to play out. They are never about the long game. They can be very coercive and forceful. At their worst, they can even be bullies. Of course, this is not the rule, I often find that December Sag’s, are more intense than November Sag’s. April Arians are less high strung than March Arians and July Cancers tend to act out more of the ‘diva qualities’ mentioned above than June Cancers.

Pluto is your friend.

Yes, the shadow is your friend. Pluto often gets a bad rap for being this torturous unknown force that comes to destroy/transform but that is not the case. Pluto is all about transformations, yes but transformations for the better. He is the garbage man. He gets rid of the trash. Toxic relationship? Ok! Pluto will rip it from you. It will hurt. You will cry. But after you’ve used up all the kleenex, you will have spidey senses. You will see those red flags before they and their cheap cologne darken your doorstep. You will level up. And while you’re doing that, Pluto will let you watch as he terrorizes your abuser. Pluto is justice. Not like Libra where all is fair and balanced by the scales. Pluto is Karma. Karmic Justice at that. The equalizer. He will show you the ugly of all those who wore the mask of ‘friend’. See, Pluto gets nasty rep because he forces you to see what you’d love to ignore. He makes you feel what society tells you to be numb to. Euphoria, Obsession, jealousy, bliss, even paranoia. Pluto is the depths. You need to feel. Jealousy is not an ugly emotion, ENVY is. They are not synonymous but people use them interchangeably. Pluto can be jealous, but jealousy is simply the sensation that something important might be taken from you. Envy is seeing someone have something, and hating them for it/not wanting them to have it. Pluto is not envious. He rules the underworld and in his realm live all of Earth’s riches. Gems, diamonds, gold, jewels. He is the wealthiest-- what could he possibly be envious of? Paranoia is equated to him too, but this is simply an exacerbation of his skill at being prepared. Pluto is a GENERAL. He wants you to have a PLAN. And when you don’t he forces you to get one, whether you’re prepared or not. Pluto is Chess, not Checkers. Pluto is the bandaid ripper. Pluto's love is cold and hard but empowering. He exposes. Shows the ugly. Friend’s you weren’t sure were enemies? Pluto rips their masks off so you have no choice but to see their ugliness. You will be disenchanted. Maybe even heartbroken. But a moment of grief for a lifetime of healthy happiness is Pluto’s payoff. Pluto also represents in the chart the area where we can most empower ourselves and elevate our lives and our dignity. Pluto will disempower your just to elevate you and make your story of failure a story of victory. He’s the ULTIMATE glow up King. Pluto shows us where we can triumph if we find a way to revolutionize or otherwise radically transform/change ourselves internally, despite our external challenges. Plutonic cleansings are like working out or giving birth. Excruciatingly painful to the point where you feel like you want to die but the result is a whole new body/person you’re absolutely in love with. He is purging.  Again, Pluto is about evolution. He does not and will not allow you to stay stagnant/in one stage of your life. He forces you to grow and if you won’t he has no qualms with making you. Pluto is not soft. 

Speaking of which. This includes his influence in the bedroom. Often people will talk about plutonic influence in a dark way. As if his influence sexually is something dark/forbidden or something to be ashamed of. Quite the contrary. Pluto rules sex. Literally. It was his domain before it was anyone else's’. Therefore, everything about sex is simply an offshoot of his influence. The rougher, primal, knee-shaking, back-scratching, neck biting, squirting/screaming orgasm, ball-gag wearing stuff? Completely ‘OK’ in his book. He wants you to experience that. The reasoning is that Pluto loves to explore and honor edgier sentiments within. Pluto urges us all to normalize fetishes and fully embrace this side of ourselves. Why? Because Pluto wants us all to live our truth, not hide. Can’t say the same for his brother Neptune though.

See, Neptune is who you should be worried about.

Neptune is the ruler of what is hidden. The realm of the unknown. All that is fantastic, the stuff of fantasy, illusions, dreams, day-dreams, etc. He puts a veil on things. Adds confusion to the mix. makes things hard to see. While Pluto strips away the hidden, Neptune happily puts on the blindfold. Not only does he hand you the rose-colored-glasses, he hands you a ruffied pint to go with it. The essence of this planet is ILLUSION.  With Neptune, it can be difficult to ascertain where and how things are working against you, or you have a hard time figuring out who or what it is. Neptune is about confusion. Neptune clouds your judgment, so you're especially vulnerable to deception and trickery. [Those with hard Neptune aspects can testify] Enemies can be especially difficult to make out/avoid when he’s involved and bad judgment all around can be a theme when he rears his foggy head.  What also makes him so dangerous is because he walks around looking like everything you want. The dream of dreams, if-you-will. As a result, he makes you receptive to mind-altered states. Can even make one prone to hallucinations, the use of poisons such as drugs and alcohol. Even spending copious amounts fo time building castles-in-the-air and neglecting reality. You become addicted to whatever he lays in front of you. The fantasy is more alluring than reality. With Neptune adversely aspected or too many hard aspects to inner planets, this can cause chaos that can negatively impact a native or those closest to them. Neptune on Mercury can be particularly dangerous if ill-aspected because it can cause dishonesty to a pathological degree or simply mental instability. Think Joe Goldberg from ‘You’. 100% crazy 200% delusional. This guy definitely has a shot a gallon of Neptune in his natal cocktail. Manufacturing scenarios that aren’t really occurring. Obsessively daydreaming and idealizing strangers. Successfully conning others into thinking he’s a normal and stable guy when he’s anything but. His judgment is clouded as is the judgment of the poor souls who encounter him, while you, as a viewer, watch in horror. That’s what Neptune does. You won’t see reality until it’s wayyyy too late [RIP Beck].  Neptune rules over all chaotic feelings, and can easily un-focus the lens, making us inclined to obsess over impossible dreams and yearn for far-out things. OMG Neptune is all about yearning. Yearning for the unattainable. But as Dumbledore said: 

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

But that’s what Neptune will make you do. Forget to live. Dwell on the impossible. Make you prone to hypnotic mindstates that steal moments of your life away. Sex with Neptune can be almost spiritual but it can cause one to get addicted to the rush, and with Neptune clouding judgment, one can perhaps become addicted to sex or even participate in risky sexual behavior. Neptune at its worst also influences death by mysterious means, suicides, death by drowning, disappearance, or even poisoning if found in the eighth house or connected to it.

Neptune is a beautiful planet. Methane causes it to have that brilliant blue hue. It rains diamonds. But again, there but the aura/odor around it is methane. In layman’s terms? The planet literally smells like shit. This classic example of not all that glitters is gold. Tread very carefully when Neptune is around and keep your eyes peeled. Something or someone may not really be what it/they seem. Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3 Astro Musings No. 4  Astro Musings No. 5 Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8  Astro Musings No. 9  Astro Musings No. 10