#we can never go home again
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#legend of zelda#karaii art#oot was the first videogame i ever passed on my own as a young shrimp#i imprinted on link like a duckling#i used to imitate his noises and hyaa and hyup around#his quiet desolation and solemn dedication Moved me#a child in an adult body#then an adult in a child's body#we can never go home again
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#artists on tumblr#the horrors are neverending#by horrors i mean waking up early and going to work#even though i currently work from home#i remember alarms going off at 7am like it was yesterday#waking up early when it's pitch black outside and going out into the cold is torture#every day i dread the day i have a 7am alarm again#you never really escape it unless you're crazy rich#the horrors persist and always lurk behind the corner#can we make working from home the norm...
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
1 like = 1 prayer
#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment#we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell#looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off#we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol#AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish#but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off#but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far#its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek#but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎♀️🧎♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros#if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO
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Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.
#Fear and Hunger#D'arce Cataliss#Cahara#Ragnvaldr#Enki Ankarian#Unlike Dungeon Meshi - I cannot in good faith recommend this game to a broad audience.#My background with F&H goes as follows: I am hanging out with a friend. He says “hey try this game I've been playing.” I say “Okay!”#I have never heard of this game. I pick the mercenary. I go through 5 min of character history and background. I am mauled to death by dogs#It took me 4 resets to even get in the dungeon. But I finally get there. I am caught by a guard. He cuts off all but one of my limbs#I am forced to crawl around in a blood and corpse pit until the game tells me 'give up idiot'.#I reset. I am mauled by dogs again. I realize this is not for me but I am intrigued enough to go home and watch some playthroughs#And WOW what an interesting game it is! I really do appreciate games that blend their design philosophy with the theme it wants to set#This is a game about fear and hunger. And persevering. And penis (my god is there a lot of penis)#I recommend this to people who like extremely challenging games and can handle the many *content warnings* within this series#If the idea of Bloodborne/eldenring and undertale having a little RPG maker baby sounds appealing to you - give it a shot#It's made by ONE GUY and it's a great horror game. I am just really bad at it.#My friends just enjoy putting me in situations where I scream and yell. We don't talk about the corn mazes. Or the other horror game nights#Apparently I'm funny when I'm Scared!#As people who follow me on twitter might know; I am deep in the pits of this series right now. I will be back with more art.
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I didn't get pics I didn't get pics my phone was in the bedroom charging but FANCY IS PLAYING WITH THEM. Not next TO them but INITIATING PLAY WITH THEM.
Not bitchily, not reluctantly, not with a short temper, not tolerating THEIR advances, but making her OWN advances! Inviting them in!!!!!! Even the detested Junie!
CRYINGGGGGG.
#oh my god you guys if this persists i can stop worrying completely and the babies can STAY#we can have another little man again and another terrible girl!#and this house could feel like a home again#if Fancy is willing to tolerate them they can stay with us and be OURS#i don't know if y'all realize just how much i have been holding back#not on their care or training or how much affection i show them but in MY HEART#i said Jasper's name earlier and he came trotting over just to be petted#finally#FINALLY!#maybe this will work#please let this work PLEASE i am going to love him SO much#also Fancy baby we also got them for YOU as friends for YOU so you wouldn't be alone in your grief either in ways WE could never help heal#please LOVE THEM they are so ready to love you they look up to you so much#or Jasper does anyway#I think Junie is just a little beast who respects nothing and no-one#but Jasper has a sweet heart
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it's kinda fascinating to me how welt has been "at the end of his life" for like. several decades by now. he goes on and on about how old and weary he is and how "his job is done" and his story is over but- oh wait i just realized i can phrase this in a very funny way- he's kind of sorta immortal now because he got the herrscher core back, so he's really just stuck in the epilogue for all eternity
#kdj will never leave my brain. clearly#hsr#or uh#hi3#???#idk?#ill just tag the guy himself#welt yang#like his story could have ended several times#with his self sacrifice during the second eruption or his self sacrifice in the sea of quanta or his self sacrifice in apho#man welt get your shit together#or with him teaching bronya to be his successor and her surpassing him#but none of these character arcs were about him. they were moreso about the effect he had on other characters. while he stays the same#and it makes sense because when does the guy ever think abt himself lol#but all of these endings would have been tragic in a way#so maybe this epilogue he's stuck in. the. the space train he's stuck in.#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i ought to tag orv at this point#maybe that epilogue (hsr) is what he needs. because we can tell that things are different for him#and that he's gradually talking about going home less and less#but all the tragedy of his self sacrifices happened bc even while crushed by grief none of his friends/family saw another way out#and he had to take responsibility again. but if this happens in hsr - with him going back to self sacrifice without question#do you think the astral express crew will let him? or are they gonna try to find another way? without letting him do it all on his own?#um. this is very long#hsr meta#i guess
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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Reading loz/lu fics and it's just so interesting how wide the spectrum is of their personalities.
Sometimes it's got an in universe reason (different past (usually gender or species change), recent or ongoing traumatic events, a spectacularly bad first meeting), but sometimes (often) the characters are just... Weirdly angsty or peppy, there's no in between!
And I'm beginning to think less people have played more than one game than I thought XD.
Not that it's anyone's fault! One game is more than enough to be part of it all, and loz is exclusive to Nintendo consoles - and all the older stuff is frustratingly hard to get hold of. Heck, I'm still looking for wind waker, and that was really popular! And then you have to play it! They're not small games!!
But could people writing wild please ease off just a tiiiiiny bit so he can be a semi functional member of society pretty please XD? He's just as much a polite boy as any other member of the chain! He won't even run in shops! He can't attack npcs! He talks to every single person he's ever seen and remembers every single name. Yes, he's three quarters woodland creature with a hefty amount of trauma but he's also a fashionista who managed to avoid accidentally taking sides in a mayoral election and that's not easy!
#I have some actual gripes but that's just me being pedantic about something I know a lot about#loz#legend of zelda#tears of the kingdom#loz link#loz botw#loz totk#the legend of zelda#totk link#lu wild#Okay but please stop making his teleportation a point of interest to the chain they ALL can warp it's not even slightly special#And the slate/pad doesn't hold any items I'm begging you that's just fanon it's never been canon or been implied to be#Travelling across hyrule (on horseback) is about a week and a half following the paths at a walk. Rito to lurelin. It's not weeks on foot t#Hyrule Castle!!#This isn't a problem but like. Let link be petty brats to civilians occasionally. It's enrichment. They all have beef with some rando.#They're all extremely polite and let people get away with more than they maybe should but like. Adults starting smth with a 16yo.#Also wild has serious beef with ganon why does everyone write him so chill. Like botw sure but totk?? Absolutely not.#'wah my home is in ruins it's all my fault' it's been like that for yonks no one's even mad and hello?? Miles on miles on untouched#Landscapes?? Millenia of ruins indistinguishable from the recent stuff?? Link literally died he could not have done any more#How anyone can play botw/totk and not be BLISTERINGLY proud of hyrule I don't know#Okay but why does everyone (particularly legend omg) always bitterly blame hylia like loz has a dozen odd deities and hylia is the ONE who#Got cursed right alongside link. It's just... Idk but it seems like such a culturally Christian thing. All the focus on one who then gets#Blamed for everything in life going wrong. Not even Christian but specifically American Catholic. I don't know.#Hylia is the one deity we can pretty safely assume is neither omnipotent or omniscient lmao#In every time she has a voice (botk/ss) she pretty clearly mucks up or gets tricked and has regrets#In ss when she was zelda she hated every second of leading link around and even then it all hinged on link being completely willing!!#And then she got kidnapped anyway!#In totk (spoilers) she loses contact with one of her statues and asks link to check it out. Another statue gets POSESSED by ol triangle hea#And again link has to figure out the problem. Like even in her divine form she is so far from all knowing and all doing.#It's a lot of conflating with the concept of fate maybe?
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#YOU CAN PUT MORE THAN 10 OPTIONS?????#This sat in my drafts since the end of the first poll cuz i didnt have the 12 entry#Senmei fans are the strongest soldiers#Theres exactly 1 still active fan so i expect to see you you know who you are#Idk maybe ill kill whoever wins again lets see how obscure we can make it#Suggest series if you want#Sorry yohaji fans and oofuri fans yall got too many votes the first time#I actually have no grasp on how big kyuushi or tsuritamas fandoms are#Kyuushi is pretty big in japanese but not english i dont think#And tsuritama is a 10 year old anime only#Oh before anyone asks i never included princess tutu on purpose cuz despits being old and anime only#The fandom is wildly active#radiant historia#tsuritama#fukigen na mononokean#a gentle noble's vacation recommendation#Phantom of the idol#Gakuen babysitters#Jeweler richard#donten ni warau#Sennen Meikyuu no Nana Ouji#kyuuketsuki sugu shinu#Kyuushi#the vampire dies in no time#i had to redo this poll and take out no home cuz i also got too many votes before#so i replaced it with nekuyan#go read nekuyan#crossplay love otaku x punk#nekuyan#i killed all the fandoms that were above 10% on the last poll but i left gakuen babysitters as a treat
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Just want to say: a, I admire very much that you've figured out a healthy way to work on your fics that allows you to have fun with it. And also b, am very excited to hear that you are getting there with pez! It has fully given me brain rot ever since I read it last year, there is just such a lack of content for the highly specific trope of using time travel as a device to explore extremely unhealthy levels of self loathing.
I just adore everything you're doing in it. Neither midoriya is anywhere approaching okay for any portion of the fic and I love rereading and mining into all the subtle characterization pointing to that. It's a bit like nhtycth in that some really goofy funny stuff is often hiding some really fucking worrying things, but the fact that characters DO do that stuff—that todoroki uses his teaspoon's worth of extremely stunted social skills to bludgeon his friend's door open and help him, that a rpf shipping war is an actual source of drama despite how goofy the sentiment seems on the surface, that about half of what jon says is deeply worrying and the other half is extremely funny and there's a lot of overlap between the two—really lifts the tension and brightens the universe. It's sort of similar to what you did with gerry, in that endless misery isn't nearly as painful as the ups and downs of a life that, when you step back and zoom out, has something deeply and horribly wrong with it.
(jon sort of reminds me of spider-man in that he uses human to deal with trauma and stress, except I don't think he at any point realizes how fucking funny he is. He's just there, in a home depot, gnashing his teeth because he's got so many bodies to dispose of and this cashier sure is taking her time.)
I really, really, really have had trouble finding fics that take everything midoriya has dealt with to task. It's a hell of a thing to live 14 years as a disabled minority, have it heavily shape your existence, and then one day you wake up and you realize you're...not that, or at least, nobody will ever acknowledge you as that again. You've lost all claim to it. Those experiences that shaped who you are? Dust in the wind. 14 years of pain and life might as well be buried in the ground for all the good they do you. Nobody's going to cut you any slack or quarter, you've gotta simply work harder, be better. And now when you do that you get the results you wanted, so that's fine, then. That's good. There was something wrong with the you before, and there's something right with the you now, and if the transition is a little rough, well that doesn't matter, you're the same as everyone else now, so it's your own job to fill in whatever gaps you need to.
I really can't get over how mentally fucked it must be for midoriya to run into quirkless people, run across quirkless issues, and be silently caught between, incapable of speaking his mind and too scared to do so anyway around those he can trust.
Also I should mention, I'm just very excited for bakugou to get back from the gym. He's been there like a year I hope he's getting a good workout in.
Me realizing that it’s been a year since pez dispenser debris:
I feel like there’s just this very specific type of grief that Izuku has to grapple with in the span of pez dispenser debris that I’m just obsessed with. He’s sort of silently mourning who he could have been, when 1) he has to present like there’s nothing lost to maintain his secret and 2) the entire world is constantly inundating him with the message that there was nothing lost.
Like. I don’t want to get too deep into it because it risks spoiling things and I do have major plans to continue it (I’ve loved this story for so many years before I ever even hit publish), but the emotion that Izuku’s feeling right now is so much more complex than “I hate who I used to be and want him to stop existing” or “I just want to keep my secrets.” And I think the way he interacts with Mirio is the biggest evidence of that.
Izuku’s placed himself at the very center of the Quirklessness debate with his support of Mirio. He fights for Quirkless heroes, very publicly, to the point where he’s not even graduated yet but considered to be one of the most prominent voices on the matter. If you took a poll of Quirkless people as to which hero would be most supportive of them pursing their own career in heroics, Izuku would be right at the top of the list. When it comes to Quirklessness itself, he’s nothing but supportive.
But he didn’t tell Mirio the truth of his own Quirklessness.
Out of everyone, Mirio’s the one everyone expects to know, despite him being a relatively newer relationship compared to someone like Iida or Uraraka or Todoroki. And I tried to imply that he’s sort of the one who knows the most about Izuku out of everyone save All Might.
Like, we’ll get into how much exactly Mirio knows soon, so I won’t divulge what, if anything, Izuku has told him. But we know that Mirio knows, weirdly enough, that Izuku is deeply fucking haunted. He knows that boy has many violent ghosts in his bones. He finds it hilarious and will tell their realtor about it. Izuku told him about the discontent spirits who died in a violent passion and live on inside of him before he told him about his Quirklessness.
And I just feel like one of those things is a little bit easier to discuss than the other.
Izuku has decided to keep his own Quirklessness quiet in a way that surpasses secrecy about One for All. If it was just about OfA, he could tell people he didn’t get his quirk until the entrance exam, and it wouldn’t even be a lie. He’s purposefully obscuring his own past as Quirkless even as he takes a forefront of the Quirkless hero debate with his open support of Mirio.
And the fact that he’s at the forefront of this debate in and of itself requires a difficult dichotomy. He is the world’s most vocal proponent for the first Quirkless hero. He is a known figure in the Quirkless community now.
He isn’t considered one of them anymore. He’s an outsider coming in.
It must be such a strange, odd sort of grief to come to the people you were home amongst for most of your life and be greeted as a stranger. To return home, and to be welcomed in for the first time, and to not even be able to tell people that you’ve lived here all your life and don’t need a tour.
It’s a sort of death of self, I think. And I think Izuku never expected to have to grapple with his own ghost.
#there’s just something so haunting to me about the idea of Izuku being considered just a really enthusiastic ally to the Quirkless community#like Izuku canonically did not have friends#he almost definitely was an /incredibly/ avid member of Internet forums#he probably found comfort amongst other Quirkless people for the first time ever online#and then he grew up#got all mights quirk#became a central figure in the Quirklessness debate#and suddenly found himself popping up on those forums that used to be his only solace as a child#that one hero with all the Quirks who supports the Quirkless#I see Izuku as being a semi controversial figure amongst Quirkless#because he obviously supports them#but he’s got quirks to an unprecedented power level and is also used by others against the quirkless community as an example of how far#behind they are in evolution#I feel like he eventually stopped going on those old forums that were his greatest comfort as a child#like I feel like he would feel weird lurking on the forums while they talked about him to him without their knowledge#he would have left to give them privacy away from him#he couldn’t honestly commiserate with them anymore because he was suddenly Quirked anyway#and what must that feel like#that realization that you can never go home again#pez dispenser debris#bnha#update IS incoming im actively working on this fic again#we are so so close people#to this and sgg and nhthcth#god it’s been so close for so long#also if you sent me an ask and I never answered it please know I saw it and loved it and started to answer it#which is why I currently have over 150 asks in a state of partial completeness#we’ll get there one day
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going to be trying to fully organize/clean my room soon (maybe) and why's getting rid of stuff so hawrd like what if i really really want to reread thru books i read in middle school someday
#talkys#YKWIM....#also struggling with everything again#like i could get things that wld make living here easier but all i can think of is how that's succumbing to living here forever#ykwim.... like#in my room there's a desk built into the wall. its too low for me#it doesnt bother me actively but i mentioned it and my mom said we COULD rip it out and get a new desk#but in my brain its like. im not going to live here forever. in my mind i leave here Tomorrow every day#why wld i do that to this house i wont be here forever in.#why would i do that if i didnt think i was going to live here for 10 more years (<- he doesnt know that this is the reality of things)#but i feel this way abt everything#i moved homes a lot#my room has never been decorated whats the point#i like the thot of decorating but will likely be hopping in between apartments for the rest of my life...why bother#putting things up if youll have to take em down...
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[ day 25 - ruin ]
This was the missing piece she had been searching for - what had happened to her beloved home. She had prayed that it had survived the years, perhaps in some distant corner of the star away from prying eyes and modern maps. But the painted flames told her more than a thousand words or a hundred maps.
Amaurot was gone.
[ masterpost ]
#ffxiv#shadowbringers#mayncient 2024#mayncient#oc: persephone 'azem'#amaurot#shadowbringers spoilers#verse: written in the stars#unsundered azem au#the saying you can never go home again is a little too real for seph at this point in the story#but it never once occurred to her to go running to zodiark to fix it#(because she's not tempered as we discussed in yesterday's bad end screens)#it also gives her all the context left that she needed to understand why hades is doing this#she knows hyth sacrificed himself to zodiark but she was unaware that hadn't been the end of things#she thought she was just in the future not the *bad* future#gif#gpose#reshade
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Imagine if Jhanna was in the 2012 series. Imagine if her episode replaced the Bigfoot one. Imagine that being the episode were Donnie learns to finally let go of his crush on April, because he fell in love with Jhanna, as well as realizes his crush on April was due to his selfish desire for love. But bc her duty is to her people, Jhanna leaves and Donnie realizes crushes are absolutely heartbreaking - especially when you can never be with them - but life goes on and even if the one you’re in love with is nowhere near you you can still hold them dearly in your heart. Your crushes sometimes don’t end up going how you wanted them to go, and that’s fine.
Imagine Jhanna leaving her warrior braid behind for Donnie to keep, and it being his most dearest treasure. Because she loved him too.
#shit sorry y’all I was thinking abt Jhanna and her chemistry with Donnie and I’m ashamed we haven’t seen her in any other series since#tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2003#also I can imagine a scene at night time (before they all go to bed) Donnie and Jhanna are talking under the night sky#and she’s telling him that she will be going back to her home planet soon to begin her rule#and donnie says he’ll miss her -#only for her to softly put her hand on his cheek - and under the night sky - they kiss#it’s Donnie’s very first kiss. and even though it’s romantic and everything Donnies ever dreamed of-#it’s also very sad#knowing that the one person who was your first kiss will be gone soon#galaxies away and you’ll never see her again#(also I’m retconing April kissing him on the lips for this)
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something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle
#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career#dbtag#media analysis#something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc#there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent#and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure#sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls#but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer#still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been#all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior#but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves#to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse#geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much#but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest#and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and#finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag#Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably#continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks#I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be#especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore#And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku#anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again#this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging#anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead
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I am getting emotional about Outer Wilds again...
#i'm sick right now and it's my first time being sick by myself/away from home#and it had me thinking about how like... this is everyone's first time being alive and it will also be all of our last times being alive#and the outer wilds soundtrack gets me#it's like... none of us are alone in that we can see the traces of everyone around us constantly and everyone is living for the first time#but we are also all our own little worlds and our paths/lives will be different and none of us really knows what's going on#we're all figuring it out#and it's like... you can never do anything for the first time again and you can never go back. you can never live again#sort of like how you can never replay outer wilds for the first time#dante dicit#outer wilds#humans#might delete
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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