#we can always go worse here

[kawhh]

My mind has never wandered into darker thoughts. I've never thought about Quinn doing anything and everything to get your favor and be your boyfriend. Changing up what kinds of shirts he wears, not drinking on nights out if you don't, getting you rink side tickets but only one so there is no one to distract you from watching him, casually slipping in remarks about unfavorable things the guys in your life/circle do to make himself appear better, grabbing something another guy was getting for you (be it a drink or a tissue) while his back is turned so that Quinn is the attentive one unlike so and so who forgot about you, helping write a menu/grocery list for a group dinner and distracting or changing the topic so that your preferred taste/dietary preference is left off and he can show up with it to be your hero.

Uh-Oh, I’m in trouble 🙂‍↕️

Nonnie I want to kiss your brain, you’re giving me more brain ammo

The darker thoughts have been a relatively well kept secret I have. People often say that they’ve gone dark.. and I’m like. You can always go darker.

I’d have limits and rules about how far I’d let someone take it irl, but even then I’d allow and welcome a lot of it.

It’s half of my whore thoughts.

He’d be so perfect at it. So calm and reserved normally - you wouldn’t even consciously realise what he’s doing. He’d just be upping the intensity, pushing you every day. A suggestion here, a change there. Some physical contact. Harder physical contact. Whispering in your ear, turning to touches against your neck, turning to his lips on your neck, turning to bites.

He wants your brain broke. He doesn’t want you questioning him. He wants to consume your every thought.

You shouldn’t want for anything. He can give you everything. He will give you everything.

He’ll never put you in harms way. He’ll never touch a hair on your head.

If anyone ever does, he’ll go fucking ballistic. If someone looks at you, they better wish they hadn’t. Using his connections to cause problems for them. He doesn’t care if they weren’t doing anything. They looked at you.

[wired-heartbeats]

I think self shippers are allowed to have complicated-ass relationships with their F/Os, like yeah we love the lovey-dovey sweet flustering stuff, but also some of us go nuts for a good case of

‘we want to and probably have practically strangled each other but also you’re my soulmate and fate has intrinsically tied us together and I would protect you and fight for you in any given universe but also you’re an actual dumbass and I will tell you so and if we ever go down it’s going to be by the others hand’

Or other related variations, I think it’s great to go hogwild and not all F/O relationships stop at Romantic or Platonic or Familial, the dynamics are endless and can be so fun to play with and navigate

[butterfly-ribbon]

been thinking of ppl saying that mizuena should've been in a yuri or josei manga that isn't popular which is a sentiment i understand bc yes a hypothetical mizuki akiyama that exists in a yuri or josei manga would probably have her transness made explicit i guess (absolutely not guaranteed tho imo considering the amount of transfem manga i've read that quickly veer into third sexing u_u) but even if i accept this premise at face value i'm not fully onboard with it bc i feel like her character exists best in something like prsk bc she exists as a response to trans girls being into things like love live, revue starlight, bandori, etc. it's in her metanarrative…

not saying gacha game writing is always good … a lot of ppl often say it's frustrating how much it expects you to fill in the gaps (bc that's part of audience engagement) and ena5 was arguably gachapilled abt it but i think it makes sense. gacha thrives on implied queerness bc even when the writers are passionate about what they're writing abt they can't risk alienating executives and wider audiences bc writing queerness in something 'mainstream' is often complicated? so it's not always the writers' choice? i think mizuki is pretty Explicitly transfem though. the only "issue" with her writing to me is that they don't let her say this, which i also only consider a problem /at all/ bc when she's outed it's pretty explicit? gacha often has very character driven writing … the queerness is often also an Audience Draw. i wish they would at minimum call mizuki a girl. textually. i want ena to call her a cute girl … though considering how many ppl go "ano ko", she's getting called a cute girl all the time lol.

with that being said, i think the picnic event is one of my main examples of things that make me go,,, mizuki's character works best in the context of something like prsk as a response to things like bandori bc it's about a tgirl vs cgirl idols. that mixed events inherently highlight mizuki's circumstances as "othered" by society around her and the inherent complications of her own life vs others. ppl compare mafuyu and toya sometimes also but it's so bare bones by comparison bc mafuyu is literally in a dissociative cPTSD fugue at all times. it's about so much more than being forced into a life goal she doesn't want. everything about how her mother has raised her has warped her as a person. made her unable to see healthy or more objective realities. mizuki and mafuyu both have wanted desperately to die and disappear. mizuki even now … struggles so much with that and being around "normal" ppl is hard for her bc of it bc no matter how she tries, she can't be a normal girl. an average girl. so she has to be abnormal or exceptional. no in between. how she exists in contrast to bandori is so genuine in that engagement with gender and i specify bandori bc it's colopales other game.

going back to the picnic event i love the moment when they're eating the food airi prepared and talking about how airi and shizuku are "idols who are capable of bringing others hope", but then mizuki quickly goes from admiration to somberness, wishing she could be the same as them ... and even when the others bring up the music she makes with her circle it doesn't do much to cheer her up? it reads so much to me as a trans girl struggling with an inherent sense of inferiority amidst cis girls who have never had their own girlhood questioned in the way she has and can thus take so much for granted! ena might be really ruthless and mean in a way that is atypical of femininity and airi may have struggled with not being traditionally feminine and was bullied for failing to act out "proper" girlhood, but she still has a very different experience from mizuki and neither can compare to the constant transmisogyny and degendering that mizuki constantly has to go through every day and having her identity denied so vehemently on a systemic level.

it's so pointed to me bc mizuki is an idol fan and has that genre awareness ... the way trans girls often connect with media like mahou shouio and idols but despite their love for it, still feel an inherent sense of alienation due to being an Other ... bc there's a separation between "liking these girls and these things" abstractly versus actually meeting them, and i think it's interesting that there's literally no way in the context of this game that any of these girls could be idols and trans, specifically bc mizuki is a trans girl who can't be one and this game predicates a major portion of its story around mizuki As A Trans Girl! if mizuki tried to be an idol, she'd be outed and harassed! that's a fear she already has to live with when she's making music with niigo even though it's safer due to its anonymity. transness and idols don't have to be disconnected of course, but her being a trans girl who's a fan of this stuff who's disallowed the opportunity to directly take part in them is So fucking important. her engagement with all of this.

this is an event about ena's relationships with other women but also how mizuki exists in the borderlines of girlhood ... how no one else is so prepared as she is for things going wrong and how much she has had to take on undue responsibility in the world at large just to "exist"... she's protected at home but everywhere otherwise, she always has to take responsibility for how others see her, how others project onto her, how others expect her to act, and the event ends with mizuki still declining ena's offer to join the group call with airi and shizuku bc it didn't resolve anything ... bc simply repressing her own insecurities and fears in the moment to rescue ena and airi bc it's more important to act didn't help in the grand scheme of things when this is something mizuki is always expected to do! ena did it out of kindness, but it's terrifying to be invited to a group trip with her childhood friend who is actually a cool and beautiful idol, and then for another beautiful idol to be there. and both of them are so pleasant and sweet and nice. how is mizuki supposed to interact around ppl like that, after all?

the mizuena in the picnic event is so fucking vital bc of ena trying to give mizuki comfort but making her more and more discomforted, which is good buildup to my footsteps, your destination. it's about how mizuki still exists on the fringes of girlhood even when someone is actively making effort to make her feel "included" and the invisible yet uncrossable barrier that exists between her as a trans girl who loves things like idols and idols themselves (who are predominantly cis girls). airi and shizuku are very sweet! but it's… kind of agonizing, bc airi was already ena's "friend" and mizuki feels like she has no place in the lives of others and wouldn't deserve to be ena's friend if ena found out about her transness, which is why she clings to the plausible deniability around her gender status. airi is someone who can bond with ena and be close to her much more easily bc of their shared experience with misogyny, but this is something mizuki has to struggle for much more even though the misogyny she struggles with is even more Amplified due to how the [trans]misogyny she experiences is often denied and erased even among other girls...

[peliginspeaks]

Yeah I'm not done Veilsposting actually. Woops. Anyways, the longer I think about it, the more its bounty has a very clear class implication that goes along with Veils' desire to not so much have a rival, as have a victim who draws out the killing. 4 billion Echoes. Think about who would go for that. A bounty like that, a share big enough to fund your life many times over and ridiculous enough to be a warning in itself, is going to pull out the overconfident, the overly curious, and the desperate. The type of people baited into hunting Veils would end up being: 1. Rich hunters armed to the teeth looking for glory, 2. The odd curious Neathy newcomer who's about to get way in over their head, and 3. Anyone too desperate to turn down a chance at the money, even if they know the chance is low if anything.

The first kind it could be flashy about dismantling, and prideful in its ability to overcome a well-funded arsenal. The last two kinds of people will be afraid. Openly, miserably, viscerally afraid. It enjoys that. There's a reason it takes its good sweet time actually showing up to try and kill the PC in the late stages of BaL, even though it can travel through Parabola and definitely has the resources to just have them assassinated at a distance if it really came down to it. It wanted desperate people to come to it, and it wanted them to jump through the ridiculous side-quest hoops the Scarred Naturalist set out, and it wanted them to show up and be afraid, for its own entertainment. For a chance at prize money they never had a shot at getting.

What I'm saying is modern-day Veils would fund those humiliating game shows.

[forbiddentaako]

more monochrome practice I suppose

[tricoufamily]

visiting the hometown

(want everyone to know this edit came to me in a dream and i changed the lore just to do it)

[inarmes]

watching people come up with the notion that haymitch CAN be in a weird crazy rarepair that's not hetronormative is so fun to me. wooahhh now what if i told you i was already a supporter of that before you! and there were probably people who thought of it before me! and there IS a club of 2 or more people at least who fuck with it (me) (and sometimes ozzie) that you can join potentially! but then it's just me going on at you about my awful thoughts because i have gotten too insane

[leviiackrman]

"I used to think you were unapproachable. But here I am, approaching you"

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[tenwhiteandalusians]

is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

[rapidhighway]

Hnngg

[phagodyke]

kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room

[bxdtime-ceai]

huh

[the-casbah-way]

sometimes being so overly sensitive makes it hard to function like how do people do it. today we drove past three dead pheasants and i'm expected to be fine about the fact that they died alone and in pain and everyone keeps driving as if they never mattered. as if they didn't live and breathe and think. ok

[widevibratobitch]

7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

how do terfs grapple with the fact that they're white supremacist losers who think that women are weak essentially like adult babies but that they also bear the apparent brunt of all human pain... liiike ok which narrative are we going with