#we bring the boom ahh

[lexusinsannus]

FNAFTM FIRST NIGHTS AT FREDDYS SPOILERS

IM DYING WILLIAM TRYING TO ESCAPE AND PHONE GUY WAS JUST LIKE "no ur not" 😭😭

i love how williams death scene cuts right into "WELCOME TO FREDBEEEEARS—"

"heh... i'm sort of a phone guy" GET OUT

matpat had like two extra scenes but i'm still going wild

NO WAIT BABY NOOOO

"aww what a happy ending— 💥💥"

LIZZY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOO FREDDY CALLING NATE IM IN SHAMBLES

"cawthon... scott cawthon 😈" GET OUT

why are all of matpat's added line so 😭

anyways 5/10 needs more matpat (/j i loved it 10/10)

[some-bunniii]

Lucifer breaks your deal with Alastor

・❥ Your soul is owned by Alastor, and Lucifer is not pleased about it.

x: OVER 20k words!? strap in ya’ll, it’s a roller coaster.

xx: reader is g/n. no use of y/n. if you want to read it in chapter-form, you can read it over on my ao3 here.

warnings: adult themes, abuse, angst

‘Alright, deep breaths. You’ve got this. You’ve practiced this so much it’s a cakewalk, so just take it easy. You’ll rock it, like always.’

“Oi! Welcome to the show, ya dirty sinners! Didn’t think ya’d see me all the way up here, did’ja?!”

Screams and cheers echoed from the seats below, as the voice of the King of Greed boomed from the loudspeakers. 

"Well, listen up, ya pitiful souls! I've got a craving for some more cash, so I've decided to bring the whole shebang right here to the heart of sin, Pentagram City!"

The cheering erupted once more, the spotlights danced across the sandy pit underneath the large circus tent. On the perimeter were rows and rows of stands, packed with demons nestled against each other.

It was Mammon’s first circus show in the Pride Ring, a very rare sight to see him leave his cozy little ring in general. But, when a good portion of your fans are sinners who can’t leave without being incinerated, then you have to receive them on their home turf.

In the large pit, two lions jumped obediently through hoops, their handlers shouting commands and cracking their whips to further spur the cat’s maneuvers.

Bright green flame danced around the lion’s faces, resembling that of a large mane. Their eyes were soulless, black pits that glimmered in the bright lights as they continued maneuvers through the tight obstacles.

On the edges of the pit, support poles towered above the crowd. Thin wires snaked across them, anchored to large platforms that hung in the air from the pole’s side.

“As ya can see, we’ve got a big show tah’night! Lots of great fuckin’ acts for ya mongrels to eat up. But, before we get to the juicy bits, direct your eyes up to the ceiling to get a look at our first performance!” 

Hundreds of gazes lifted to sky, the spotlights below beaming upward towards a platform at one end of the tent.

Bright, white lights hit your vision, and you squinted your eyes to prevent them from burning to a crisp from the focused beams.

You stood, your bare feet planted firmly against the platform’s white surface. Before you, a tightrope connected your place to another platform in the distance, beckoning you.

A small hoop hung from the ceiling, encircling a small portion of the wire. The trick was that it was too small for you to stand up straight while walking through it, so you’d need to limbo underneath it.

"As you can see, we've got some sorry sap up there that is about to practically walk on thin air! See that hoop over there? They're fixin' to stroll right through it."

Small ooh’s and ahh’s emanated from the crowd, their eyes darting from you to the hoop.

"But hold your horses, folks! That ain't your run-of-the-mill hoop, no sir! That, my friends, is a hoop on fuckin’ fire!!”

Suddenly, the hoop ignited in a burst of green flames, illuminating the area before you. Gulping, you took another deep breath, steadying yourself.

Okay, well, you knew that was gonna happen. You’ve just never actually practiced with the hoop on fire, but it shouldn’t be too hard.. right?

You nodded to yourself, assuring your racing thoughts that everything was gonna be alright.

The skin-tight suit you were wearing sparkled in the spotlight, dazzling the spectators with a red gleam as you hovered right over the edge of the platform, waving to the crowd. 

You had been performing ever since you could remember, and this was just another part of the job. You weren’t a part of Mammon’s original crew though, only being given the opportunity when they arrived at Pentagram City.

You were a Sinner, which meant being confined to the Pride Ring just like the rest. Fortunately, one of Mammon’s acrobats was too sickly to perform, so when you saw the large poster detailing auditions, you jumped at the opportunity to make some extra bucks.

You had arrived at the settled convoy of vehicles and trailers at the outskirts of the city, you were ecstatic. You hadn’t performed in an actual circus in forever, and the make-shift village of performers and equipment was a fresh sight.

Mammon himself was a… colorful character. He was a hard party rocker with a big ego, and most likely had a swear jar at home overflowing with pennies, with how that guy talked.

You hadn’t really met him when you auditioned, but you could definitely hear him. He was loud, practically demanding everyone’s attention even when he wasn’t addressing them. 

You could hear him yelling about an absent performer, annoyance evident in his voice as he berated an assistant.

"What do ya mean he couldn't make it to practice 'cause he lost his voice? He's a bloody mime, mate! What the hell are we payin’ these blokes for!?"

When you had performed for the recruiters—which you were surprised to find wasn’t Mammon, since the guy seemed to stick his nose in everything—you displayed to them your . A few somersaults, a bit of ariel silk action, and the classic, juggling. 

“How good is your balance?” One of them had questioned, their pen tapping softly against the wooden desk, as they considered your skills.

“Good enough, I suppose.” You replied truthfully.

Long story short, you got the gig. Although, when you heard they wanted you to tightrope under a hoop, that was a little surprising. 

Good thing you weren’t afraid of heights, or this would have been a nightmare.

Backing away from the edge, your gaze rested on the hoop aflame in front of you. After Mammon would finish speaking, you’d begin your act.

"But that ain't the only thing heating up tonight, folks."

Wait, what did he mean by that?

“‘Cause the tightrope… is also on fire!!!” 

What?!

The crowd went berserk hearing that. They whooped and hollered, as their twisted little fantasies came true before their eyes.

“Oh, god damnit, Mammon!” You muttered.

When you told them you had a pretty good pain tolerance, that did not mean resistance to fire!

You sighed, it was a little too late to back out now. Plus, you needed the money. Bouncing on your toes, you attempted to hype yourself up.

Exhaling a large breath, your foot lifted from the stand, and slowly reached out towards the tightrope. 

‘Fuck, this is going to hurt.’ you groaned internally, your toe just inches from the wire. You could feel the heat of the fire as it hungrily licked at your feet. 

Right as you were about to place yourself onto the wire, you felt something tugging at the back of your collar. 

It was deathly cold, and you tried to pull away from its touch, but whatever was holding you had a strong grip. A thick green fog-like substance pooled at your feet, and you looked down in confusion as it began to circle around your figure.

You felt the force on your collar harshly pull you backwards, and your feet lifted from the ground. The smoke became so thick in front of you, it was only the bright lights from the spotlights below that gave you any visual. Suddenly, large eyes began to dot your vision, staring directly at you, into your hollow being.

“What the fu-”

Darkness suddenly covered your vision, and you felt like you were floating in mid-air. Though, you couldn’t tell where exactly in the air you were, other than the fact the surface below you had completely vanished.

You tried to peel your eyes open, but whatever had thrusted you into this chilling realm would not let you get a glimpse of your surroundings. It wasn’t until you felt your feet hit firm ground, and a much less intense light hit your eyelids. You opened them slowly, your mouth still partially open.

“-ckkkk?” You finished, your eyes darting from one side of the mysterious room to the other. It looked strange.. to say the least. It was old, a little run down. It screamed tacky. 

You observed the room again, trying to find anything familiar that could gauge your location.

Were you in a hotel lobby? But, why? How? You’ve never been here before, nor did you know anyone who stayed at such a dump.

“Ah, there you are, my friend! What a pleasure to see you!”

You pivoted sharply to face behind you, and your eyes widened in shock at the familiar face.

Standing before you, a large toothy-grin plastered across his face, was Alastor. The owner of your soul, your eternal boss, the Radio Demon, and the butt end of most of your unfunny jokes—which you would never dare say in front of him.

“You!”

Your finger lifted, pointing accusingly at the tall, red demon. He only tilted his head amusingly at you, that smile only growing wider as you frowned.

“Yes, it is I. I’m glad you remember my face, how are you today?” 

“What do you want?” You grumbled, ignoring his question. You crossed your arms before taking a step back. There were others behind him, but it was Alastor you were focused on as you waited for his response.

“Oh, just some charity work. My new friends over here are in need of some more helping hands, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services!” 

He motioned to the others behind him, and you glanced at the strangers. One of them was a woman with long, platinum-blonde hair, who smiled awkwardly at you with a wave. 

“That’s great!” You replied sarcastically, throwing your hands up in exasperation, “but couldn’t you wait until after my gig? I was about to make some good money!”

Alastor only sidled up to you, before wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you against his cheek as if you two were best friends. You wanted to recoil from his touch, but you knew you’d get nothing good out of that action. 

“Oh, I am terribly sorry about that, my friend. But, we do have an agreement, as I'm sure you are well aware. Which means, for the time being, you’ll be living here at the hotel!”

Of course you were aware of the “agreement”, the guy had your soul! 

“What hotel?”

“The Hazbin Hotel! What do you think about the name, hm? I came up with it myself!” 

“It’s kind of lame.” 

“Oh-ho! You are such a charm, my dear! I can always count on you to liven up the room with your jokes.”

You sighed, uncrossing your arms and lowering them to your sides in defeat. You were stuck here, with Alastor, until he no longer needed your presence. As always.

“I still would have appreciated a call beforehand or something.” 

“Take my arrival back in the city as the call, my friend. My return was no doubt discussed by many. You knew I’d acquire your assistance at some point.”

Yes, that’s right. Alastor had been gone a good, what, seven years? It was strange, how he had just disappeared without a word or any kind of clue to his location. Where had he gone? Why was he being so secretive about it?

You didn’t miss him, of course. His absence was a mini vacation for you, a break from endless favors that he deemed you worthy to complete. What a joke.

“Now, why don’t we go and introduce you to all these fantastic fellows, hm?” He spoke, a command deep in his static-laced tone.

You turned back towards the small group of demons, who stood a few feet away silently as the two of you bickered. Standing slightly away from the rest, was a familiar furry face. Husker. He was here too? 

Nudging you forward with his cane, you walked up to the onlookers, who regarded you with a mixed expression. The shorter gray lady stood glaring at you with suspicion, her eyes darting between you and Alastor.

Beside her, was that pretty pale-faced demon in the red tuxedo. She smiled broadly at you, her eyes practically gleaming in excitement at seeing the multiple new faces.

“Hello! My name is Charlie, and this is my hotel! I'm so glad to have you aboard!” 

“..Hi, it’s good to meet you too.”

“Let me introduce you to our crew! Over there is my girlfriend, Vaggie!”

She motioned towards the shorter gray woman, and you looked at her more carefully. She had an X across her eye, barely visible with the long hair she situated across half her face. She still eyed you with suspicion, but her demeanor had softened as Charlie spoke to you.

“And, over there is Angel Dust, our first resident of the hotel!”

“How ya doing, Sugar?” Angel winked at you, as he leaned against the bar counter. Husk stood behind the counter, a thin line on his lips.

“I’m sure you’re familiar with Husker and Niffty, right?” 

You nodded, your gaze meeting Husk’s. His eyes softened just a teeny bit, before he let out a hmph and turned away towards the shelves of bottles against the wall.

Your attention turned back to Charlie, as she began filling you in with the details about the hotel and her plans.

She seemed like a sweet girl, passionate and imaginative. When she described her dreams to you, for the hotel, for the entirety of Hell, you listened carefully.

Sinners.. being redeemed? Going to Heaven? That seemed too good to be true. Unbelievable, almost. Sure, some of the demons down here weren’t too bad, but surely none of them were good enough to actually climb to the pearly gates. 

Charlie seemed… different from other dreamers, though, like she could actually get it to work. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what made you think so. Maybe it was because she was the princess of Hell, and was the second highest on the food chain of this damned place.

You were lucky with how down-to-earth she was, or your bluntness would have probably gotten you smited by now.

In comparison to Charlie, you were a nobody. Well, you were nobody in general. You didn’t own anything of value, not even your soul.

Charlie didn’t act like a princess though. Such as how she spoke to you, and her friends. No command in her tone, no true motives behind layers of smiles and sweetly spoken lies. 

If she was the owner of your soul, maybe life wouldn’t be so bad. She treated everyone fairly, without judgment of who they used to be. Only dreaming of who they could be.

Was the King of Hell the same? How much did Charlie mirror her father, anyway? 

“So.. what can you do?” Charlie broke you from your thoughts, she was turned to you, her gaze meeting yours intently as she waited for you to respond.

“Well, I'm a performer! Mostly aerobatics, but I can dance and other tricks. Oh! I’m also a crowd-pleaser, i’m a really smooth talker.”  

“That’s ssooooo cool! You do that kind of stuff, like, in the circus?”

“Mostly, yes. Any odd jobs I can find looking for my skill set, really. I’m not picky when it comes to money.”

Charlie contemplated your words for a moment, her eyes darting. She’s already got a bartender and a cleaning lady, but where to put you…

“I’m also fantastic at pick-pocketing.” You grinned pridefully at her. It was something you were very good at, and that you had continued to perfect during your time in Hell.

It was also what led you to make that wretched deal with Alastor. 

“Oh.. um, let’s stick with your other skills, hm?” Charlie smiled awkwardly, before she turned her head, and her eyes landed on an empty desk situated near the large entrance doors. 

She perked, her eyes widening in glee as she spun around towards you. 

“That’s it! You can be our new receptionist! You’ll answer calls and greet all our newcomers, and you’ll be in charge of making sure all our guests are well taken care of during their stay.”

Your smile faltered, your gaze resting on the desk behind Charlie before meeting her eyes once more. You chuckled like she had just told you a good joke. Except when your eyes met hers again, she only smiled at you in anticipation.

Wait, was she serious?

“I’m sorry,” you started, lifting your hands up and shaking your head, “but that is not something i’m good at nor-“

“Well I think it’s a splendid idea!” Alastor appeared besides you, his hand resting on your shoulder. His claws dug slightly into your suit, and you whipped your head up, eyeing him with animosity. 

His eyes were squinted, a glare behind that wide grin. ‘Stay in line, or else.’ was his silent command. You scrunched up your nose, ready to argue, but the intellectual part of your brain smacked you upside the head. 

Your shoulders drooped, that frown deepening before you turned to Alastor. You pulled your shoulder from his grip, and looked at Charlie. 

“Fine.”

And, that’s how it was for a time. 

There wasn’t much to do, in all honesty. As the months ticked by, you sat at that desk drowning in boredom. The people at the hotel were lively, but the job? Not so much.

While Alastor was the face, you were the paperwork. Although, he barely acted like it, which meant you took most of the work. 

There were barely any phone calls, any new visitors, anything new at all really. So, you instead filled your days with walking around the hotel, observing the rooms of any renovations that Alastor could make, or you’d write shopping lists for groceries and other miniscule items for the crew, and going out yourself to shop. 

There was that one demon, the snake inventor, that had become a resident during your time working. You had been there, when he attacked Alastor on the hotel’s doorstep. Your mouth agape as you watched him tear a piece of your boss’s suit, waiting for the snake to meet his death.

He didn’t, surprisingly. Instead, he had arrived not too long after apologizing. Which was shocking, and.. eye opening. 

Could Charlie’s dream come true? Alastor spoke of it as if it would turn into nothing but a failure. You had believed him, but now, that doubt was fading from your mind.

Could.. there be a chance for you too? 

You had mentally slapped yourself for that thought. You, redeemed? With no soul, you were trapped here. Only ever being able to watch from the sidelines as those more worthy ascended. 

Thoughts like that only came when you had drank a little too much. Finger mindlessly circling the rim of your wine glass, brow furrowed as you lamented over your poor decisions, you’d sit at the bar in silence late at night.

Nobody bothered you during those times, not even Alastor. No one saw the way your lip began to quiver, the way your vision blurred with tears.

No one noticed the surface of your drink disturbed with a droplet of salty sadness as it mixed with the bitter alcohol. 

‘You don’t deserve to feel sorry for yourself,’ you’d think bitterly, soaked anger spilling down your cheeks, ‘you damned yourself to eternal suffering the moment you shook that demon’s hand.’

Taking the glass, you’d lift it to your lips and empty the rest of the contents. That salty tang still hanging on your tongue when you set the glass back down.

On the worst nights, you’d simply rest your head against the countertop. The cool surface refreshing to your warm cheek, as you curled into yourself, and drifted into a restless sleep.

When you’d wake a few hours later, your blood-shot, tired eyes would open to the sight of a glass of ice-cold water and a migraine pill sitting a few feet away from your face. 

You never saw who catered to your hungover needs, but you had an inkling of a guess.

Lifting your head, you’d blink away the morning fog before sitting up straight with a groan. Slowly, you’d reach out and grab the small capsule and the water, before swallowing both in one large gulp.

Then, it was back to work as always.

Sometimes, you’d actually that phone on your desk would brnnnggg loudly, and you’d leap out of your chair to have a conversation with a fresh new voice. 

“You guys at least provide free Hash, right?” The masculine voice on the other end questioned.

“Sir, this a hotel meant for redemption. Y’know, to Heaven? We don’t have any paraphernalia here.” You grumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration as you listened to the guy.

“Wait.. so you’re saying Heaven doesn’t have joints?”

“I’ve never been up there, obviously. Though I'm sure drugs are a big no-no up there.” 

“Then what the fuck is the point of wanting to go up there?! No weed? No sex toys? Fuck Heaven! Fuck you and your stupid little hotel!” 

“Choke on dick and die!” You snarled, slamming the phone back into place. You leaned back in the chair, fuming silently. The calls never ended well. 

“Good job, you’re really pulling in all those potential residents.” A sarcastic voice piped up near you.

Your head snapped to the bar across the room, your gaze resting on the black and white feline who was busy cleaning glasses on the counter. 

Standing from your spot, you stroll over to the bar, before nestling into one of the bar stools. Placing a hand under your chin, you rested your elbow against the shiny countertop.

“Pour an old friend a drink, won’t you Husk?” You asked sweetly, batting your eyelashes at him. 

His soul was owned by Alastor too, and even if you didn’t know the guy too well, you felt a kinship with him. You both were hollow beings, now.

“We ain’t friends,” the demon grumbled, “I'm just stuck with you and Niffty until I kick the bucket.”

“Okay, Mr. Grumpy-Pants.” You laughed as he reached for your go-to bottle. Same old, adorably-cross Husker. 

He was getting better, though. Happier, even. The night he disappeared to go retrieve Angel Dust, he came back with a bounce in his step. Seemingly more at peace, with whatever happened between the two away from prying eyes.

Once, you swore you heard him humming some old, happy tune while he organized the liquor bottles on the shelf. Husk.. singing? That was something you thought you’d never see.

He had a very good poker face, and half the time you couldn’t tell if the kitty even liked you. He always regarded you like he was behind a closed, see-through door. Getting close to you just enough to see and speak to you, but never enough you could actually reach out and use him for support. Hopefully, he was getting better with that too.

Maybe, with how things were going, he’d let you scratch his chin one day. You always wanted to try it, see if he purred just like they did back on Earth.

“What do you think about the hotel?”  You asked him, as he popped the cap off the bottle with his claw, and began pouring a glass in front of your seat.

“It ain’t too bad,” Husk replied truthfully, “But, it could be better.”

“I agree, I was having a pretty good time out on my own before this. Guess we’ll just have to get used to it, I’m not sure how long Alastor plans to keep us here.”

“You don’t know?” 

You raised an eyebrow at the feline, as you took a sip of your drink. “No, I don’t. Why would you think I do?” 

“Well, I just assumed the two of you would discuss those kind things.”

“You think I talk to Alastor about his deceitful plans with this place?” 

“Why wouldn’t you? I mean, you two are practically the same, with your silver-tongue and all.”

You leaned back, a mixture of surprise and disgust on your face at his words. Husk thought you and Alastor were like, what, best buddies? The demon that owned your soul?

“That’s a fucking lie,” You growled, glaring at him, “I’m not like that douchebag at all. Just because I’m good at talking my way out of tough shit, doesn’t mean I use them to manipulate people into making magical deals that fuck up their entire existence.” 

Using your feet, you pushed your chair back forcefully. It scraped harshly against the wooden floor, as you stood up from the stool. You didn’t even glance at Husk as you sharply turned away, and stomped across the room.

“Thanks for the drink, Asshole.” You called as you turned the corner into a long hallway, towards your room.

You didn’t speak to Husker for a while after that, or go to the bar. Instead, you worked and kept to yourself in your room. It wasn’t until you walked into the lobby one early morning, did you see the feline.

He was standing with the rest of the crew, concern etched across their faces as they circled around a mumbling, erratic Charlie Morningstar. 

“Why isn’t the hotel working?!” You could hear her fume, as she fussed over a large tack board filled with drawings and pictures. 

It wasn’t until about a half an hour later, when Charlie had hung up the phone with her father, did you realize the day was going to get much stranger.

“Alright, guys! My dad is going to be here in one hour, so we have to make this place perfect!” She said, a nervous smile on her lips as she addressed the small crowd.

Everyone tensed, their eyes darting to each other at her words.

Charlie’s dad was coming? Lucifer Morningstar? The King of Hell?!

Suddenly, the room bursted into action. Sir. Pentious slithered to the kitchen, claiming he needed to bake sweets for Lucifer’s arrival. Charlie was practically hyperventilating as Vaggie rubbed her shoulder soothingly. 

“Aw man, I gotta go put on my new perfume!” Angel Dust yelled from the chaos, as he sped away towards his room. Husk continued wiping down the bar countertop, but a little more feverishly now. 

Alastor was the only one seemingly unchanged by the news of the king’s arrival. He only stood there grinning, as the others rushed around him, before beginning to push back his cuticles.

“I’m just going to go… put on some better clothes.” You called, unsure if anyone was even listening as they scrambled about. 

You quickly left the lobby, running to your room to clean yourself up and look presentable. Your mind raced as you did so, recalling all the rumors and gossip you’ve heard over the years.

Was he a cruel king? He couldn’t be, not with how Charlie turned out. But, with her reaction to asking for his help… that was strange. She had never spoken of him before, so it didn’t seem like they were that close.

What was he going to think of you? You’ve never stood before such an important figure, other than Charlie, but that was wayyy different than speaking to the most powerful man in the realm.

You’d just have to make him like you, to avoid any trouble. You needed to charm the King of Hell, just like you’ve done successfully with so many others.

You adjusted your appearance in the mirror, before nodding your head in self-approval. You crossed your room, pulling open the door, and making your way down the stairs. 

When you returned to the lobby, everyone was making last minute preparations. 

Sir. Pentious was busy tidying the cookies on the cooking sheet in front of him. Angel Dust was finishing hanging up the balloons around the room, while Charlie was hyping herself up in the corner.

A large banner with a handwritten message ‘It’s A Boy!’ hung from the ceiling, and you shook your head in embarrassment with a smile.

When you had made it back to the group, there was barely any time to talk before you heard a knock at the front door.

Everyone froze, and Charlie exhaled a large breath of nerves, before crossing the distance towards the door. She pulled it open, and a white hat poked from over her shoulder.

“Charlie!” 

You heard him before you saw him, and he sounded like a burst of sunshine as you watched Charlie get pulled into his bear hug.

She sputtered against his tight grip, before he finally released her. You could see the wide brim hat poking out of her figure, see that silly apple that stuck out from the top of his cane, as they talked for a few more moments.

It wasn’t until Charlie turned to face you and the rest of the crew, did you see Lucifer Morningstar’s face. Your breath hitched, eyes widening as you drank in his figure.

Fuck. He was gorgeous. 

He definitely presented himself like a king, with how he stood with his back straight and head held high. He rested slightly against his cane, his interest piqued at the new faces.

As his gaze swept across the lobby, it briefly landed on you, and your heart fluttered in your chest. God, his eyes were so pretty. They were a soft, muted yellow, like buttercream. 

They held many emotions too, you could see it. There was deep sadness that never left his gaze, as if it followed him like a shadow. It was something you felt followed you too. What was his story? 

Your eyes traced the rest of his appearance, landing next on the golden strands nestled under his hat.

That platinum-blonde hair practically glowed underneath the chandelier lighting, as it curled delicately around his face. It looked so smooth and silky, like the guy had a 10-step hair care routine. It probably smelled amazing too. 

And, those cute little rosy cheek spots on the sides of his mouth, that stood out from his pale skin. If you tilted your head just right, you’d say he looked just like a cockatiel.

But, it was his smile that enraptured you. Not the fake one, that wide, awkward mess across his lips he did as a way to appeal to Charlie.

No, it was instead that warm, genuine grin that lit up his entire face, crinkling the corners of his eyes in a way that made you feel like you were the only person in the room. The smile that only appeared during tender moments, like when his daughter rubbed her cheek against his affectionately. 

You hoped he would start to smile like that more often. 

Charlie had approached your group, introducing Lucifer slowly through your companions. Your heartbeat quickened as they made their way closer to you. 

Taking a deep breath, you clasped your hands together, smiling warmingly at the duo approaching. Charlie stopped, turning to her father as she began to introduce you.

“And thisss is our receptionist! They’re in charge of handling most of our inbound and outbound affairs, and in helping us capture potential residents too!” 

“And I'm doing a fantastic job at that, by the way.” You declared to the two, that smile of yours widening as you edged closer to them. You lifted your arm, extending a hand towards the fallen angel.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” 

God, could this dude get any more perfect? The closer he got, the warmer you felt your body temperature become, like he was practically the sun itself.

He regarded it for a moment, before hesitantly taking your grip. His hands were soft, but firm. The gold band on his pinkie grazed across your finger, it was cool to the touch, giving you much needed relief to the growing intensity of the heat of his grasp.

His eyes traveled up yours once more, to your eyes as they flickered between your batting lashes, and to your pretty smile that only grew wider as you leaned forward.

“The pleasure is all mine.” He spoke softly with a grin, as he looked you over. His voice was like silk, and you wanted to wrap it around yourself like a sheet. 

A stark difference to Alastor’s, who gave you a headache listening to that static overlay every time the guy opened his mouth.

“This is your first time here, right?”

“Yes, I'm just here to give my daughter the support she needs for her little project.” Lucifer nodded, glancing over to Charlie as he spoke.

“Well, I hope your opinion of the hotel has improved now that you’ve seen it in person.” 

“Oh, believe me, it has.” He assured, that nervous grin disappearing from his face, and you could see a playful smirk slowly blooming on his lips.

That was before his eyes landed on the bar at the other end of the room, his hand left yours as he turned to face it. You pulled your arm back, clenching your hand as his warmth faded from your skin.

“What in the unholy Hell is that?”

You stood up straight, as he walked closer to the bar. Only for Alastor to appear right behind him, a deadly grin on his lips as he strutted forward.

“Just some renovations we’ve had done, adds a little bit of color! Don’t you think?”

You sighed, your lips twisting into a slight frown as you watched the tension in the room escalate with every word Lucifer and Alastor exchanged. It wasn't until Charlie sidled up beside her father, that the drama got good.

“I guess that’s why they call it the Has-Been Hotel, eh?” Lucifer grinned, nudging Charlie with his elbow.

You snorted, your hand coming up to cusp your mouth at the sudden outburst. His dad joke was just so hilariously stupid—not to mention, it was pointed at Alastor, which was bonus points—you couldn’t contain the noise you made.

All eyes turned to you, and you felt sweat beading at your forehead from all the sudden attention.

Alastor still had that large toothy grin, but his eyes were squinted in a glare as his head snapped uneasily towards you. 

It was Lucifer’s gaze that captured your attention, though. He turned in surprise, as if shocked someone actually laughed at his joke. It wasn’t until he saw that the person that laughed was you, did he seem to slightly puff out his chest, a prideful grin dancing on his lips.

Heat flooded your cheeks as he sent you a mischievous wink, before his attention turned back to Alastor as the demon laughed2.

“Yes, Ha-Ha. It was actually my idea, though.” 

“Ha-Ha, well, it’s not very clever!” 

“A-Ha! Fuck you.”

You had stood to the side, as the two demons bickered and fought for Charlie’s attention. The insecurities of both became increasingly obvious to you as time went on.

Alastor, with his uneasiness that someone of much higher stature and power could take his role in the hotel. And, Lucifer, who’s relationship with his daughter was sour enough that the idea of someone replacing his role as a father caused him to short circuit.

Then, when a short, rotund woman bursted through the front doors, dressed like a flapper and fawning over Alastor, you realized even more how today was looking to be a really strange day.

Mimzy, an old friend of Alastor’s from when they were both swinging through the 20’s and 30’s back on Earth. 

You didn’t know her very well, other than she never stopped talking, and in your opinion, had an ego bigger than Alastor’s. But, you’ve been around long enough to know that whenever she came around, it was only to beg Alastor for help when she fucked up.

Your opinion of her only worsened when the wall a few feet away from you blew open less than ten minutes later. 

The chaos that ensued was even worse, as bullets began ripping through the walls of the hotel. Loan Sharks, snarling Mimzy’s name with venom, threw another explosive towards the building. 

When Alastor had suddenly arrived, shifting into his demonic form, you breathed a sigh of relief as he began to decimate the little army outside.

One of them was falling right above your head, and you tried to scramble away. 

Before it could turn you into a stain on the carpet, it suddenly jerked away, smashing into the closest wall instead. Gold sparks faded from around its wooden frame, and you turned your head to see Lucifer at the other end of the room with Charlie, his eyes trailing your form as you beelined for the opposite wall.

Another explosion rocked the lobby again, and you stumbled on your feet. A table skidded quickly across the floor, heading right for you.

The adrenaline pumping through your veins sent your body into overdrive, and you swiftly lean down, lowering your hands to meet the floor. With a powerful push, you launch yourself into a graceful somersault, your body arching elegantly over the crashing obstacle. Time seems to stretch as you execute the maneuver with precision, feeling the rush of wind against your skin as you spin through the air. Your back barely grazing the table’s surface before you landed into a roll. 

You shoot up from the ground, heart racing, a dumbstruck smile blooming across your lips at the realization you were still in one piece.

You were too preoccupied with Sir. Pentious barreling into your side; that you missed the pale face mirroring your  expression, as he watched you clear the table. 

By the time you untangled yourself from the snake demon, the dust had begun to settle in the room. Alastor had killed—or eaten—most of the Loan Sharks, and was now standing on the front lawn, cleaning bits of meat from underneath his nails.

Husk lifted his head slowly from behind the bar, eyes scanning the perimeter for danger. Mimzy crawled out from under the bar stools, before scurrying outside to speak with Alastor.

“Jesus, is everyone okay?” Angel Dust called, while Charlie was helping dust off stray pieces of rubble from Vaggie’s hair.

“HELPPPP!” Came the loud, mousy squeal from above your head. Eyes lifting to the ceiling, you see Niffty clutching a support beam with her life.

“Niffty? How the fuck did’ya get up there?!” Angel Dust yelled back, arms thrown in the air in exasperation.

It had partially dislodged from the ceiling, hanging loosely by one end. Niffty poked her head out from the side, her large eye darting across the room, as she waited for someone to come to her aid.

Your gaze traveled down from the support beam, your eyes landing on a water pipe, broken and sticking out from a large crack in the wall. It hung just perfectly in between you and Niffty, which would allow you to reach her quickly.

If you could just get a boost… aha! Your gaze lands on the partially torn couch that was scooted a few feet across the room from the explosions. If you leapt off its back, you could swing from the broken water pipe and use it to catapult yourself right next to Niffty. 

Lucifer analyzed the ceiling before turning to his daughter, smirking as he slowly lifted his cane.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got thi-“ 

“Hang on, Niff! I’m coming!” Your voice rang through the room, your footsteps echoing as you ran towards the damaged furniture. 

Taking a large leap, your feet hit the backrest of the couch. The muscles in your legs tense as you lower yourself slightly to vault forward and up, your arms shooting above your head as you close in on the pole.

Your fingers wrap around its chilling, metal surface; and with your palms snug against its frame, you swing forward, arching your body so your feet begin to lift above your head. 

You release the pole, your legs high in the air as you lift yourself up. You feel the wooden beam graze to the back of your knee pit, and you curl your legs around its base, hanging upside down.

Tensing all the muscles in your abdomen, you use the momentum to swing your legs around the beam and your butt hits the top of its base. You blink, your heart pounding in your chest as you exhale a sigh of relief.

Damn, that felt good. This was so much better than rotting at a desk all day, you really missed your old job. 

Niffty shot up next to you, wrapping her little arms around your forearm in glee.

“You came to rescue me, you’re my hero!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Just hang on, little lady.” 

You pulled her close, before getting to your feet. You lean over the edge, the only thing catching your eyes that you could use was that water pipe.

Okay, you’ve done a bit of parkour before. Piece of cake. 

You knelt slightly, before leaping from the beam. You stuck on foot out in front of you, and you felt your sole hit the top of the pipe. It was like taking a large step, as you swung your other leg forward and launched yourself with the other. 

Curling your legs, you practically cannonball into the couch. The large, plush cushions swallowed you for a moment, before spitting you back onto your feet in front of it.  

“Holy shit, ya didn’t die!” Angel Dust exhaled a sigh of relief, walking up to you. Niffty fussed in your hold, and you gently lowered her to the ground.

Niffty ran to Angel, who kneeled down to fuss over her for any injuries. You turned from the duo, before you caught sight of another figure coming forward.

“You’re an acrobat, aren’t you?” Lucifer said, a hint of astonishment in his tone as he strolled up to you, his eyes gleaming with interest.

“Yes, well, mostly. But I can do a lot of other things too.” You nodded, smiling bashfully at his facial expression.

“Wow! I mean, heh—boy, I haven’t seen anyone do that perfect of a maneuver in a long time. You looked like a ballerina up there with how strict your form was when you were swinging.”

Did Lucifer just.. compliment you? He knew about aerobics enough to make that kind of judgment on you? Man, this guy just kept getting better and better.

It should have been obvious, though. His silly red-and-white attire had struck you as familiar when you first saw him, and now you realized it was similar to the getup of a Ringmaster.

“Thank you, I've been practicing since I was young. I’ve even done a few circus acts before, and it’s always such a thrill. I'd do it over and over again without getting tired.”

“I think that’s called being an adrenaline junkie.” Lucifer teased, a playful smile on his lips. “But, really, that was good. Impressive, even.”

“Not as impressive as saving me from getting crushed by the ceiling.” 

Lucifer’s eyes widened just a tad, and he nervously adjusted his long collar, his smile turning bashful now.

“Oh, you.. you saw that?”

You nodded, “Yes, I did. Thank you. Also, your magic is just so pretty, they’re like little golden fireworks!”

Before Lucifer could speak, you leaned in closer to him. Your ear just barely grazing the brim of his hat as you smiled.

“And, I just wanted to let you know, I agree with you about the hotel name,” you inched closer to his face, your voice lowering as you spoke with a honeyed tone, “I have no doubt you would come up with a better name, Your Highness.” 

Lucifer tensed, and you thought you could see those red spots on his cheek darkening just a shade. 

He lowered his head slightly after that, his face mostly obscured by the brim of his hat. You couldn’t see what he was doing, but, was that an edge of a smile on his lips?

After a second, Lucifer cleared his throat, before lifting his head again.

“I’m glad we share the same appreciation for aesthetics. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you.” 

“Hey, Dad? Can I, um, speak to you? About the hotel?” Charlie spoke, approaching. A firm look on her face, as if it was rather important.

“Of course, I’ll be right there,” Lucifer nodded, before turning back to you, “Again, a pleasure to meet you. I hope we get to talk again.” 

Then, he did something you never expected, he curtsied. Your eyes widened, the King, showing you such a gesture of respect? All for what, doing a few tricks in the air?

Heat creeped onto your cheeks after that, and you watched him turn away, following after his daughter. Leaving you to stew about your encounter with Lucifer for the rest of the day.

Well, your thoughts on the King of Hell definitely stayed when you awoke the next morning, and the morning after that. 

Your thoughts were still there in that lobby as you sat at your desk one afternoon, your hands organizing a large stack of papers. They had a picture of the Hazbin Hotel on them, along with words that basically screamed ‘Come check us out!’

The plan was to distribute the posters around the city.  Buildings, poles, doorways, anything that could hold a staple was your target. 

You were fiddling around in your drawer, searching for extra staples when you heard it. A gentle rapping against the front doors, which made you lift your head.

There was no one else in the lobby, not even Husk. Slowly, you walked towards the doors, and the silhouette of a hat stuck out from the bottom of the stained glass.

Is that..?

Reaching to the handle, you pull it open, and met the familiar soft, yellow gaze. His lips curved into a smile at your appearance, and he lifted his hand in greeting.

“Oh! Hello, again!” 

Fuck, he was still gorgeous. Definitely an Angel, no doubt about that. His pearlescent skin practically glittered in the red hues of the afternoon light behind him, and you averted your gaze for a moment, trying not to be blinded by his ethereal beauty.

“Your highness? I’m—ahem, well, sorry. I’m just surprised to see you back so soon. What are you doing here?”

“I'm here to see Charlie, of course!” He exclaimed, strolling right past you into the lobby. His eyes scanned the room, resting for a moment disapprovingly on the bar, before landing on the large desk. 

“Is this where you work?” He motioned towards its wooden frame, you sidled up to him, before nodding.

“Yep. Hardly move from there during the day.”

“You sit there all day? Yeesh, that’s terrible.” 

“Mhm. Pretty boring, actually.”

“Well, if you ever want a better career, I’m sure I could find you a job at LuLu World, I’ve got a circus that runs year round there.”

LuLu World? The theme park he owned? You had never been there before, but it always sounded amazing. And, he thought you’d be a great fit there too. He couldn’t have been that impressed by a few of your maneuvers. Maybe, he just needed to go to an actual circus and see the real performers.

“I’d love to, but I'm kind of stuck here.”

“Why?” Lucifer turned to you, an eyebrow raised. 

“Well, um—” 

‘My soul is owned by the demon you have beef with, and I can’t exactly leave without his permission. I also can’t tell you this because I apparently signed an NDA too.’

“—I just want to help people! So, I made a promise that I wouldn’t leave until I made a difference. Y’know, really make an effort to improve this wonderful community!” You responded with fake cheer, clasping your hands together.

Lucifer regarded you for a moment, his fingers fidgeting against the apple on his cane as he thought.

“Oh.. well, that’s generous of you. But, someone with your skill set doesn’t deserve to rot away in a place like this, I’m sure you’d make a difference somewhere more relevant.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Your Highness?” You teased, your nails grazing against the desk as you walked past him, before pivoting to face him.

“What? No! Of course not, just—forget I said anything.”  He chuckled nervously, before fussing with his long collar. He seemed to do that often when

Aw, he got all flustered when he thought you were serious. Who knew the embodiment of Pride had such bad self esteem.

“Charlie went out to run some errands, but she should be on her way back, actually. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?”

“Chamomile Tea, if you have it?”

You nodded, before walking towards the small counter behind your desk. There was a coffee machine, a toaster, and a large, electric kettle. You placed the kettle underneath the small sink, filling it up, before switching it on and setting it down. 

It would take a little time for the water to heat, so you returned to where your visitor awaited.

Lucifer leaned against your desk slightly, his fingers mindlessly tapping at his cane, his eyes staring at the wall. There he goes again, lost in his thoughts. Which he seemed to do quite often.

Would it be rude to wake him from his stupor? You had only just met him, so maybe, don’t push your luck.

You turned your attention back onto the stack of posters, flicking through each one as you counted. You heard Lucifer shuffle beside you, before clearing his throat. 

“What are you doing?”

“Posters for the hotel. I’m going to put them up around the city later today.” You held one out to him, and he took it from your grasp. His fingers grazed yours, and you could feel the warmth seeping into your skin from just that small touch.

When he pulled his hand away, that warmth left you, and you felt that never-ending chill seep back into your bones again. It was something that followed you since you made that deal with Alastor. As if your soul was the sun, and you just got shoved down a long, dark well. 

You could only claw at the edges for so long, letting the blood from your nails drip into the standing water at your feet, before you gave up trying. You’ve been sitting in that well for a long time, allowing time to pass by.

But, for some reason, since you arrived at the hotel, you’ve begun to start digging at the cracks of that well again. Maybe, if you got your claws in deep enough, you’d find that beam of sunlight.

“Hm, the drawings seems.. a little off. Did you do this?” Lucifer dragged you out of your thoughts, as he looked at you expectantly. 

Shaking your head, you chuckled softly. “No, unfortunately, stick figures are my only language in the arts. I think Charlie drew it.”

“Did I say this drawing was off? I lied! Ha-ha, yeah, this is great work.” Lucifer quickly replied, brushing off his earlier comment.

You were going to open your mouth to respond, before you heard the loud whistling of the kettle. You turned, watching the steam pour out of its lid, and quickly ran to fetch it.

You pulled a small tea cup from its stand on the edge of the counter, before filling it full with the water from the kettle.

Reaching towards a small cupboard, your fingers sorted through the different herbal flavors as you looked for one in particular. When your eyes finally caught the light green packaging, you pulled it out.

“Hey, this might seem like an odd question, but do you like caramel?” Lucifer asked from behind you. You turned your head slightly, taking a glance at him. His nails clicked against his cane, fast and nervous as he waited.

“Yes, I do. It’s not my favorite sweet treat, but I've definitely indulged in it a few times.”

Taking a few moments as you spoke, you ripped open the package. Holding the small string in between your thumb and your index finger, you carefully placed the tea bag into the steaming water. 

“Great! I was wondering, well, I mean—you see, I made some caramel apples for Charlie. Except, she hasn’t had one of mine since she was a girl, so I just wanted someone to take a test bite before I presented it to heel

Slowly, you could see the color begin to change as the herbal goodness was dispersed in the cup. You turned to him slowly, eyebrows raised as you regarded him.

“You want me to.. try one of your apples?”

“Yes! That would be great, just to know I still got the gourmet chef in me.” He smiled, lifting up a finger right above his lips, and swirling it in the air. As if twirling a long mustache.

“Your tea, Your Majesty.” You chuckled, bending your head slightly, placing it down on the desk in front of him. When you lifted your head, you were greeted with the sight of a large, light-brown coated apple. 

“It’s not poisoned I promise.” He teased, a lopsided grin on his face as he held the treat out to you, his fingers clasped around the kabob-like stick poking out of the bottom.

Carefully, you lifted your arm, plucking the caramel apple away from his grip. When you had it between your fingers, Lucifer reached down to take the tea cup from the desk, before swirling the mix around slightly. He blew at its surface, and the liquid rippled as steam still rose from it.

He gingerly lifted it to his lips, his pinky lifting away from the handle as he did so. His eyes softened as the herbal flavoring hit his tongue, and his body seemed to relax as warmth bloomed under his skin and the drink traveled down his throat.

‘He drinks with his pinky out? That’s so cute.’ You gushed silently, never did you think the King of Hell would practice such mannerisms. But, in all honesty, he didn’t seem like he should be in Hell at all. Guess that’s what happens, when the highest powers known to man punish you for being you.

His eyes never left you as he drank, as he waited for you to take a bite. You turned the treat in your grip, inspecting it a final time. Carefully, you lifted it to your face, and took a bite of its side.

Lucifer seemed to grimace as your mouth closed against the large chunk of apple. You chewed for a moment, letting your taste buds do the work. Then, your brain short-circuited at the sensations, and your eyes lit up.

“Woa-hu-ho! This is fantastic!” You beamed, and Lucifer’s eyes widened in a look of surprise.

“Really..?”

“Yes! It’s actually really good! I think Charlie is going to love it!” You nodded briskly, taking another bite of delicacy.

“Ha, well. Guess I still got it in me after all this time.” He boasted, chest puffing just slightly at your compliments.

You obliterated that apple in front of him, taking barely a moment to breathe as you scarfed it down. God, his cooking was actually really good. What else could he make?

Lucifer only watched you, a faint smile on his lips as he watched you devour the treat. As if he was fascinated by your sudden primal hunger. 

Your eyes met his and you stopped suddenly, covering your mouth as you continued to chew. Heat flooding your cheeks in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, this is pretty rude of me..”

“No! Not at all, if I had more I'd surely give it to you,” he laughed, setting his almost-empty drink back onto the desk, “and please, call me Lucifer. There’s no need to use such titles in a private setting like this.”

Right as he spoke, the front entrance doors burst open, and Charlie and Vaggie strolled in chattering loudly. They held a few shopping bags in their hands, as they entered the lobby.

Right, so much for privacy. Couldn’t you get five more minutes with the #1 bachelor in the realm?

“Oh, Dad!” Charlie exclaimed, surprise etched on her face at seeing Lucifer standing beside you.

“Charlie!” He beamed, strolling over to her. He encompassed her into another of his signature bear hugs, and she sputtered for breath in his hold.

“Wha—gasp—what are you doing here?”

“I just came by to visit, also to take another peek at some renovations that really need to be done. Among other things.”

“Oh, okay! Let me drop this stuff off by Angel Dust, and we can do that.” Charlie smiled at her father, before turning and crossing the room to another hallway.

Lucifer watched her leave, before turning to you, his eyebrows raised as he spoke, “I assume you’ll still be sitting here the next time I stop by?” 

He wanted to see you again? Your brain couldn’t process that thought when the words left his lips.

“As always.” You smiled warmly at him, as you cleaned up the now-empty cup from the desk. You didn’t say ‘Your Majesty’ this time, but you weren’t sure whether calling your king by his real name was appropriate. At least, not yet.

“Good.” He nodded approvingly, before his back faced you and he walked out of the lobby. Your gaze lingered on the corner he had turned out of view from, before you sighed and returned to work. 

You didn’t notice those sickly red eyes watching you intensely from the shaded corner of the room, as you took a seat back at your desk. 

Days like that continued, where you’d be greeted by the soft knocking against the entrance door. And, when you opened it, you’d meet the handsome, smiling face of Lucifer.

“Good morning, I hope you’re hungry!” He’d state as he strolled past you, always stopping right next to your desk first when he came.

You made sure to save your stomach for the delicacy he always carried with him now. Usually, he’d bring two, one for Charlie, and one for you. 

“I need to make sure she’ll like this one too.” He had explained. You were apparently his official taste tester now, but you never complained.

He’d hold the treat out to you, one eyebrow raised playfully, as he presented the caramel apple like a rose.

“Now with sprinkles!” He’d exclaim as you’d gingerly take it from his grip, your fingers brushing against his. The warmth a welcome feeling to your skin.

You’d sit there, feasting on the apple in your seat as he leaned against the desk. He was very chatty, even when he still held reservations around people in general. It never bothered you, of course. It stopped you from getting so bored while you worked.

“Don’t even get me started on Mammon,” Lucifer groaned, as you told him about your most recent circus acts, “the guy will do anything to put more money in his pocket. Y’know, he thinks we’re best buddies or something, thinks that lets him plagiarize my amusement park.”

“Why don’t you tell him to shut it down?”

“Because it brings in more business,” Lucifer had shrugged, “People go there, expecting a good show, and don’t find one. So, they go to my LuLu World, and bam, they never want to leave!”

You chuckled at the name, ‘LuLu’. Yep, you were definitely speaking to the Sin of Pride, alright.

“What’s so funny?” He had asked, curious at your reaction. You straightened yourself, a lop-sided smile on your lips when you realized he caught your laugh.

“Nothing it’s just.. ‘LuLu World’? There had to be something better you could have called it.”

Lucifer gasped, placing a hand on his heart, feigning hurt. “Woah, woah. First, you say I'm good with names, and now you’re laughing at them? Dirty.” 

“Oh, I'm so sorry. Please, good sir, don’t smite me!” You mocked a pain expression, clasping your hands together in a gesture of begging.

“I will allow you to live for now. Can’t have the hotel going into shambles because you’re not here to keep it running.” Lucifer’s voice deepened as he fixed his posture into a much more royal stance. As if he was speaking to a lowly squire in court.

‘I barely do anything around here, but thanks for the confidence boost.’ you’d answer silently, as you leaned back in your chair, watching his antics with amusement.

You began to anticipate his arrival with excitement. Even pouring his tea beforehand, so when he walked through those doors, you’d place a steaming cup into his palms. You always enjoyed the way his eyes softened when he took his first sip.

Hell, you enjoyed.. everything about him. His smile, his jokes, the care he had for his daughter, even if he had a hard time showing it. He made you smile, which was something you haven’t done willingly in a long time. 

And, his smile? That real, true look of happiness that blossomed on his face? That slowly began to return as well. 

For a few months, everything was dandy. Until, one evening, when Alastor summoned you to his room.

He never did that, and that made you nervous.

You stood at the closed door to his room, your heart pounding in your chest. What did he want? Did you do something wrong? Your thoughts just couldn’t still as you fidgeted nervously.

Slowly, you lifted your knuckles to the door. Before you could even graze the wooden surface, the door swung open. It creaked loudly as it did so, and your breath hitched as you began to glimpse inside.

You poked your head in, your eyes scanning across the room. The decorations were so outdated, it almost made you gag. Skeletons of an alligator hung on the wall, its eyes glowing from the string of lights wrapped around its figure.

A large shelf of books, mostly for cooking, stood out against a small wooden table. A small radio sat snug on the desk, playing a gentle jazz tune. On the opposite side of the room, was where that freaky abyss lay. You had never stepped foot there, the part of the room that simply seemed to dissolve into a dark, swampy land. 

Then, you heard humming. Staticy, soft humming, coming from the left side of the room.

Alastor stood over a bloody cutting board, a large kitchen knife in his hand. He wore an apron that was spattered with blood, his usual overcoat was gone, replaced by a dark red tuxedo underneath and a—surprisingly—clean white dress shirt.

He hummed along in sync with the music wafting from the speaker, as he continued to slice along the large slab of meat on the counter. You couldn’t dare think what the flesh used to be as you slipped through the crack, shutting the door softly behind you.

It didn’t seem like he knew you were standing there awkwardly by the door, but you knew he did. How long was he going to have you wait?

Clearing your throat, you spoke softly, “you wanted to see me, Alastor?”

“Ah, hello there, my friend!” He pivoted sharply, his tone chipper as he smiled at you. The knife was still in his grip, and he swirled it in the air playfully. “How are you doing on this fine, hellish evening?”

“Fine..”

“Wonderful! I called you here today because there is something I’ve wanted to discuss with you for some time. You see, I've taken notice that you and our ever-so charming King of Hell have been growing closer these past few months.”

This is what he wanted to talk about? You fought to not roll your eyes at that. 

“Let me guess, you want me to stop talking to him?”

Alastor giggled at that, a maniacal fit of he-he’s as he forcefully stabbed the knife into the slab of flesh. It stuck out like a grim warning, as he brushed his hands against his apron before removing it entirely. 

“On the contrary,” he spoke as he hung the apron against a dining chair, “I want you to get closer to him.”

You blinked, leaning your head back slightly as you processed his words.

“Wait, what?”

Alastor nodded, confirming that you didn’t just hallucinate that. He slowly walked forward, before placing a hand on your shoulder as he moved behind you.

“You see, I believe it’s in both our best interests to forge a deeper connection with our illustrious King. There are certain… opportunities that may arise from such a relationship.”

“Opportunities? What kind of opportunities are we talking about here?”

“Ah, now that would be telling, wouldn’t it? Let’s just say that there are benefits to being in the King’s inner circle. Power, influence, the chance to shape Hell itself… But I’ve said too much already. Just trust me on this one, my dear.”

Trust Alastor? Ha! That was the first joke he’s ever spoken to you that was actually funny. 

Your thoughts raced as he appeared on your other side, his claw grazing across the back of your neck as he rested his hand on your shoulder once more. 

He wanted you to what, fake your attraction to Lucifer? Wanted you to lie and manipulate him so he’d bend to your will, and carry out Alastor’s evil deeds in the guise of caring for you?

“What makes you think he’d even fall for that? He’s an angel, he’s not stupid.”

Alastor chuckled, patting your shoulder as his grin widened. “Haven’t you noticed the change in his demeanor? The little.. pep in his step? Ever since he met you that first day, he’s only grown more attached to you.”

Was that true? Sure, Lucifer seemed to be getting better, slowly. Seemed to smile more genuine as time went on. But, that couldn’t be because of you! He was reconnecting with his daughter, of course he’d be happier at the hotel.

It didn't matter, in the end. You weren’t going to do that to Lucifer. You weren’t going to ruin the one relationship that was built by trust. The question is, could you resist Alastor?

“What if I don’t want to?” You finally ground out, your firsts clenching at your sides.

Suddenly, you felt a chill around your neck, and you gasped at the sensation. You lifted one hand up, to try and feel whatever was clenching at your throat.

Your fingers wrapped around a green, metal collar that seemed to tighten as the seconds ticked by. Energy sizzled against your fingertips, like static. Eyes widening, you ripped your hand away, your feet moving on instinct to get away from him.

Your back hit the wall roughly, your heart practically beating out of your chest as you watched Alastor slowly stalk towards you. His eyes began to shift, resembling that of radio dials. Those small antlers on his head began to rapidly branch out, growing longer every step he took.

“What if you don’t want to? My, what a foolish question.”

He was just inches from your face, that toothy smile practically ear to ear as he leaned in. Lifting a hand, his claws grazed your collar bone, before traveling up towards the glowing green clasp.

A single claw hooked underneath the metal surface, pushing roughly against your throat as he tugged you harshly forward by it. 

His breath hit your face, and you scrunch your nose from the foul odor. He reeked of death.

“It seems you have forgotten who owns your soul, my dear.” He whispered in your ear. You squeezed your eyes shut, your lip quivering as he spoke.

“If you try to resist, try to fight against your chains. I’ll make sure my radio broadcast is filled with nothing but your dying screams.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, the collar only becoming colder as you writhed slightly against his touch.

“I-I’m sorr-“

“You sold your soul to me, don’t forget. If there is anyone to blame for your misfortune, it is you alone.” Alastor hissed, thrusting you even closer to him by your collar. You felt his smile crease brush against your skin, and you shivered.

You were becoming increasingly aware how sickly-yellow his teeth were, compared to Lucifer’s. Disgust began to boil in your belly as you opened your mouth.

“I’ll do it!” You whimpered, your heart pounding, “I’ll do it..”

“Wonderful.” He drawled, before leaning away from you. His claw released your collar, and it dissolved in green fog. You coughed, rubbing your neck, as Alastor took your shoulder and roughly nudged you to the door. 

It opened on its own, and you were pushed through the threshold. 

“I’m glad we could have this little chat,” Alastor’s chipper tone returned, as you stared at him with disgust, “Have a hellish rest of your day, my friend!”

The door slammed shut as he disappeared back into his room. Leaving a rush of angry tears to pool at your feet alone.

Two weeks had passed, since Alastor told you to tug the heartstrings of the King of Hell, to play him right into your fraud-loving palms. Oh, the universe must surely hate you.

You had begun to avoid Lucifer, though. Whenever he was around, catching you at work, you’d continue your silly little chats. You began to memorize the timeframe he’d show up to the hotel, and make some kind of excuse to not be there when he knocked. Either you were out shopping for supplies, or seeing the latest movie. Anything you could think of, you’d leave and force Husker to greet Lucifer.

The guilt of knowing what would happen if Lucifer fell in love with you? It ate you up inside. You hardly slept lately, tossing and turning with terrible nightmares of drowning in that cold, dark, bottomless well. The chains tied to your feet, preventing your escape to the surface.

Would anyone care if you just let yourself sink to the bottom? 

Those thoughts were still on your mind as you did your morning jumping jacks.

You had asked Charlie to use one of her empty storage rooms as a place to practice your acrobatics, which you had started doing every night now. It was any easy escape from your troubles, on the farthest side of the hotel from the lobby, where no one could bother you.

It was a large room, with ceiling-high windows that lit the room with a light red hue. You had convinced Alastor to give you a makeshift gym as a part of your “deal”. If you were going to be forced to be the bad guy, he could at least give you a place to kick ass.

There were multiple gymnastic bars set up at different heights, two balance beams, and a small-scale tightrope. The tightrope was a thick wire connected between two poles across one side of the room, roughly the size of your torso. There was a platform attached to each pole, allowing good foot room on each side of the wire.

Tonight, you were practicing walking on your hands across the balance beam. Sweat dripped from your forehead, and you watched it land onto the leathery cover of the beam beneath you. 

You had made it halfway across, when you heard the door to the room open softly. 

“I didn’t even know there were rooms back here!” An astonished, familiar voice came from the doorway. 

What was Lucifer doing here?!

Your brain short-circuited, and your arms began to wobble beneath you. You lost your balance, and  immediately tumbled off the balance beam with a breathless “Fuck!”

Your side hit the mats below, pain bloomed from your shoulder as you lay there in defeat. You heard a high pitched yelp from behind you, and the sounds of feet pattering against the floor neared.

“You’re not dead, are you?” Lucifer laughed nervously as he kneeled beside you. He reached a hand down to your face, before he hesitated, and instead lifted his cane.

You felt soft poking against your cheek, as he prodded you with the black stick. 

“Stop that.” You grumbled into the mat, stirring slightly from the floor.

“Oh, you’re not dead! What a relief.” He said, exhaling a breath he had been holding. “I’m terribly sorry about that! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You groaned, before lifting yourself up from the mat. You got to your feet, rubbing your shoulder tenderly.

“It’s fine, I’m fine. What are you doing here, though?” 

Lucifer processed your question for a moment, before he suddenly straightened himself up. Head held high, he strutted over to you, before halting. He glanced at you, before he began fussing with his bow-tie nonchalantly.

“Well, I came to find you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because, I wanted to speak with you. And, you’re conveniently always out of the room when I want to do that.”

Shit. Did he notice you were avoiding him? You didn’t think it was that obvious.

Lucifer watched you intensely, analyzing your reaction to his accusatory statement. He had a firm line on his lips, as if your actions didn’t bother him. 

“I’m not avoiding you.” 

“Oh, really?”

“I came here to improve my aerobatics, before you rudely interrupted me.”

“Right, like you need to improve.”

You turned to him, an eyebrow raised. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re already good at it, there’s no reason for you to come here every day.”

He turned his head to face you as he spoke, and your eyes caught sight of something wiggling slightly on the top of his head. Is that apple decoration not fully attached to his hat?

Suddenly, you had an idea. A playful smile began to bloom on your lips, as you slowly made your way towards him. 

“Actually, that’s not true. I’m not that good at tightrope walking, I’ve told you that before.”

Right before he turned his head so he could trace your movements, you shot your arm above his hat, your fingers pinching around the small apple stem.

You sharply pivoted, facing him now as you walked backwards towards the tightrope platform. The apple hung behind your back, as you kept his gaze. 

“Buuut, I think I’m much better at it than you.”

“Excuse me?”

You turned to face the platform, moving your arm fluidly and taking the stem between your teeth, before lifting yourself on the white surface. 

Gripping the apple once more, you turn to him slowly, watching his eyes widen as you swing the apple between your fingers for his viewing pleasure.

“Actually, I think I'm better at this whole circus bizz than you. Look! I’m a magician even, would you like to see another trick, Your Majesty?” 

Lucifer stood there in shock, for a few moments. His red pupils darted from the swiped apple to you, before they dilated slightly. Then, he laughed, an audible ‘Ha ha!’ at your words. 

“You think you’re better at the circus than me?” Lucifer asked slowly, a mixture of disbelief and teasing in his tone.

“Without a doubt!” You called, turning to face the wire. Not giving him a second glance, a smug smile formed on your lips.

Lucifer regarded you a moment, before a mischievous grin played on his face. “Well, let’s prove it then.” 

He lifted his cane, before tapping it against the ground twice. Suddenly, you found the platform vibrating underneath your feet. Then, it began to move. You stumbled, and then fell to your knees, gripping the edges as you squeezed your eyes shut.

What the hell was happening?!

The support pole began to rise up, and up, and up, until it barely grazed against the ceiling. Slowly, you opened one eyelid, and then the other. You were still safe, clutching to the platform. The tightrope was still holding, connected to the pole across the room. 

You exhaled a side of relief, before crawling over to the edge. Your eyebrows flew up in surprise as you judged the distance to the ground, you were roughly three stories in the air!

Did.. Lucifer do that? He took “prove it” to a whole new level with this one. 

You got back onto your feet, the apple still in your palm as you placed your other hand against the support beam. Now, where was Lucifer? Did he stick you up here to starve to death?

“Hey.”

You jumped, reeling back from the voice, right towards the edge of the platform.

“Woah—hang on there now!” Lucifer quickly reached out and wrapped his fingers around your wrists, tugging you back to the center of the stand. You blinked, slowing your heart beat, as you stared in surprise.

“Lucifer? How did you get up here?”

“I can fly, remember?” 

That’s right, he did have wings. You just didn’t think he was that fast with them. Lucifer had also completely ditched his hat and overcoat, instead he was in his red and white dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to partially expose his forearms. 

His hair was slightly disheveled, no doubt from the flight up here. It wasn’t as slicked back as before, small strands of hair sticking out messily. You thought that was adorable.

Lucifer looked down, before smiling sheepishly and withdrawing his hand from your wrist. He brushed his fingers down your hand, his nails gently grazing against your palms.

This time, you didn’t feel the cool sensation from his gold ring against your skin, as his pinky lifted from your hand.

“Now, are you going to walk across that wire, or are you going to just give me back my apple?”

You met his eyes, his gaze playful as he smirked at you. He took a step closer, and you took a step back. Slowly, your heel hit the wire, and you halted. 

Lucifer watched you expectantly, waiting for you to make a move. He probably assumed you’d turn around to cross the wire, and he’d nab the apple from behind your back.

Too bad for the King of Hell, you could walk on a tightrope backwards. You winked at him, as your feet moved fully onto the wire. You pivoted slightly every so often, your body fluidly leaning back and forth as you adjusted for balance.

Lucifer watched you, admiration in his eyes as you maneuvered your way down the tightrope. You pulled the apple from behind you, teasing it in front of his view.

“The big question is, how do you think you’re going to best me in those heels, Your Majesty?” 

Lucifer glanced down at his knee-high boots, before slowly peeling them off his feet. He placed them neatly to the side, before moving a foot to the wire.

He began to put his weight onto the tightrope, wobbling a little as he adjusted for balance. He definitely did not do this often, and you laughed softly at his failing posture.

Lucifer huffed, glancing at you, who was still moving a reasonable distance away from him. Then, a smirk played on his lips, and you saw forms begin to appear against his back. 

The red feathers of his wing’s underbelly began to glimmer in the light from the large windows behind you, as he slowly opened them to full length.

Six ethereal, majestic wings flapped gracefully behind him. They began to pivot slightly, adjusting for Lucifer’s balance much quicker and with ease.

“That is so dirty!” You laughed at him, shaking your head disapprovingly.

“Looks like I'm going to getcha!” He teased, as he began to take much more confident steps across the wire; his wings flapping softly, boosting his speed.

You took bigger, riskier steps as you closed in on the other platform. Your heartbeat racing from the challenge, adrenaline beginning to pump in your veins.

“What happens if I eat this apple?” You asked, holding up the apple to your nose, before taking a deep sniff. Licking your lips playfully, you glanced back up to Lucifer.

“A tummy ache, I'm afraid. But, hey, I'll trade you a caramel apple for that one.”

Your stomach grumbled at that, and you genuinely licked your lips at his words.

“I might consider that proposition, if you can catch up to me that is.”

You spun on your heel, facing the base of the pole, as you began to increase your pace.

It wasn’t until you felt the wire jerk under your feet, did you begin to wobble. With a hitched breath, you try to regain your balance, but to no avail.

Your foot slips, and you feel your body beginning to lean off too far to the side. Gasping in surprise, you flail your arms hoping to catch anything in your grip to stop your fall.

Right as you begin to free fall, you feel strong arms snake around yours and grip you firmly. 

“Hang on, I got you!” Lucifer practically spoke in your ear as he pulled you forward, back up onto the wire. You breathe heavily, clutching his forearms tightly as you lean in closer, catching your breath.

Large wings flapping stronger now, Lucifer held you close as you both balanced along the same small portion of the tightrope. You felt his hot breath on your face, and realized how close the two of you actually were.

Your chest was practically against his cute little bow-tie, your legs brushing against each other as you balanced on the tiny surface. The steady wing beats of the fallen angel sent wind softly grazing past your ears, cooling the heat that was beginning to creep onto your cheeks.

He was so close, and so fucking gorgeous. Forget what Alastor wanted to do, what you wanted to do was kiss this man silly. For months, you both danced at the edge of each other's hearts. Gifts of affection, words of compassion, the whole shebang. 

Yet, you’ve never looked the King in the eye and told him ‘I want you.’

Was it because you were stubbornly fighting against Alastor’s demands, that you even ignored your own true feelings? Just to spite the powerful cannibal?

Couldn’t you just look at a sexy man in peace, without anyone else watching your every move?

“Are you alright?” Lucifer asked after a moment, pulling you from your ogling.

“You saved me..” You finally breathed, eyes wide and you met his soft gaze.

“Of course I did, why wouldn’t I—”

Lucifer’s words caught in his mouth as you pressed your lips to his. He froze at the touch initially, but it only took a moment for his entire body to soften against yours. 

His hands found his way to your waist, and he pulled you flush against his body. Your fingers reached up, and you began to caress the sides of his face, twirling a few pieces of hair between your pinkies as you deepened the kiss.

The warmth that bloomed from his touch was intoxicating, your entire being craving for more as you leaned even farther into his embrace. 

His hands moved from your waist, until they brushed underneath your shirt. His palms coming up to cup the small of your back as he pressed you closer to him, as if worried you might dissipate into the air and leave him forever.

It was a good thing he had six wings to keep the two of you afloat, or else you would have been a splatter on the mats by now.

You felt Lucifer's teeth graze against your lip, and you had to fight to not bite his lip back. After a few more moments, you pulled away from his face, your breath coming out ragged as you gave him some distance. 

Lucifer blinked a few times, his eyebrows beginning to raise slowly as a dopey smile danced onto his lips.

“I really enjoyed that, but we should probably get on solid ground, don't you think?” He laughed breathlessly, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked at you adoringly.

You reached up, brushing the few loose strands out of his eyes, before nodding. “That is a good idea.” 

“Well, just hang on.” Lucifer replied with a mischievous grin, and you opened your mouth to question him. Before you could get a word out, you felt him begin to lean backwards, pulling you along with him. 

You yelped and squeezed your eyes shut, as you began to free fall on top of him. Lucifer only hugged you closer, before his wings shot open, slowing your descent. 

Carefully, you peeled your eyelids open to the two of you gliding softly down, as Lucifer circled the pole lazily. Your feet swung in the air, and the wind rushed past your ears. The adrenaline rush causing you to laugh in glee as you felt your feet hit a hard surface.

You both stood there in silence for a few moments, the weight of what just transpired finally settling on top of you. 

Holy shit, you just kissed the King of Hell! From trying to stay as far away from him, to getting as close as physically possible. What a twist.

“Well, now that we’re down here,” Lucifer began slowly, his gaze meeting yours with a playful roll of his eyebrows, “we could continue our previous.. discussion.” 

You almost obliged, until you heard the familiar call of Charlie, as she searched for her father. You tensed in his grip, before pulling away from his hold. A pout formed on Lucifer’s lips at the absence of your touch, before he straightened himself. 

Snapping his fingers, that familiar white overcoat magically materialized onto his figure, along with his wide brim hat. Your eyes landed onto that spot where the missing apple usually was, and then you noticed how empty both your hands were.

“Your apple! I think I dropped it when I almost fell.” You explain apologetically.

“Oh, you mean this apple?”

Lucifer pulled the red, gleaming trophy from beneath his overcoat. He threw it in the air a few times, catching it gracefully. A silent boast as he grinned at you. Your mouth only hung agape, as you scanned the apple for any imperfections.

“There is no way you took that from me! How do I know you didn’t just make that?”

“Woah! Sounds like someone is a sore loser.” Lucifer laughed, before turning towards the door, he kept his gaze on yours as he did so, walking backwards as he talked.

Slowly, you kept pace with him, shaking your head in disbelief at his words. He was just as preoccupied as you, sucking on your face, you couldn’t believe he actually took it from you in the chaos.

“At least we settled the little debate, hm? Seems like i’m better at these kinds of things than you. Just like I said.”

“We’ll definitely come back and test that theory with your wings bound this time.”

“Oh, will we? Is that a challenge?”

Lucifer halted at the doorway, and you stopped a few footsteps away. You batted your eyelashes at him, grinning playfully, “it’s a promise, actually.” 

He grinned at that, before he leaned in closer, curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

“So, you haven’t been avoiding me, then?” 

‘Not this again.’ You groaned internally.

“No, I haven’t. I’m sorry, I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately.” You quickly spoke, an apologetic look on your face. Would he buy your lie?

“And you’ll tell me when something is wrong, right?” 

You cracked him an assuring smile, “of course!” You lied through pearly-white teeth. 

Lucifer nodded approvingly at that, before he glanced out of the room. You both could hear Charlie a hallway or two away, and she seemed frantic to find her father. Lucifer only sighed, before turning to you.

“Looks like I’ll be seeing you real soon, Darling.” He promised, bowing his head slightly to you. You wanted to scold him for that, about lowering his head to someone of lower class, if he did that in public no doubt the citizens of Hell would mock him for it.

But, you weren’t in public. You were alone, with someone you cherished, able to whisper all your secrets, hopes, and dreams to someone you trusted most. If only you could tell him the truth, and not be stuck here drowning in your own lies.

Lucifer gave you one final glance, before he turned away, strolling through the hall away from your room. A happy whistle came from his lips, and you could hear it slowly fading as he moved away.

Backing up, you plopped down on a bench on the side of the room. The recent events hit you like a freight train, and you realized how terribly stupid you were.

How were you supposed to protect Lucifer from whatever plan Alastor had in store for him, if you were going to keep disregarding your brain for your weak little heart? 

Yes, Lucifer was the most powerful being in Hell, far more powerful than that red demon. But, he was also a sad, lonely angel. Who craved affection and attention, which he seemed to want solely from you and Charlie. 

If your life were in danger, would he be stupid and risk his own for you? He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Your filthy, sinning soulless self wasn’t worth the trouble.

You just wish Lucifer would see that. 

For an hour, you paced the perimeter of the room. Your thoughts clear as you evaluated all the metaphorical cards in your hand. If Husk taught you anything about gambling, it was always to call your opponents bluff before he had a chance to do it to you.

Your feet halted suddenly, your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you stared through the large windows. Your thoughts settling as you watched the waning light.

You weren’t some pushover, some scared little child in need of protection. You weren’t going to let some murderous psychopath take any more control of your life. You were going to call the shots this time, even if that meant being dragged by the throat into that well.

As long as everyone you cared about, even Husker, made it out.

There was only one plan of action you saw ahead. And, it was not going to be the easy route.

“I’m done.” 

Alastor halted, the wall sconces in the hallway illuminating his sharp grin as he heard the words leave your lips. It had been four days since you decided you were going to stand against him.

“Pardon?” The words left his lips slowly, his head cracking in-humanely to one side, his ears twisting to face you. 

“I said I’m done deceiving for you. I’m not going to lie to Lucifer, or anyone else, for any longer.”

Alastor didn’t say anything, his back still turned to you. His claws tapped against his microphone, rhythmic and loud as he processed your words.

“Is that so?” 

“Yes, and I don’t care what you have to say about it. There’s more to the world than power, Alastor.”

You felt something cold tugging against your neck, that familiar, sickening sensation returning to your body. You sucked in a large breath, calming your rapid heartbeat. 

Green illuminated your face as you felt something heavy begin to weigh on your body. Alastor held one of his hands out, before flicking his wrist with a painful pop sound. 

The chain snapped forward from the collar around your throat, snaking around your figure as it wove to Alastor’s palm, its green glow casting eerie shadows against the walls. You struggled against its hold, feeling the cold, metallic links digging into your skin. Alastor's laughter echoed through the hallway, a chilling sound that sent shivers down your spine.

"You dare defy me?" Alastor's voice was low, dangerous. "You forget your place, little puppet."

Panic surged through you as you fought against the chain, but it only tightened its hold, squeezing the air from your lungs. You gasped for breath, your vision blurring as darkness threatened to consume you.

"Perhaps a reminder is in order," Alastor said, his tone dripping with malice. "A lesson in obedience."

“Don’t you have any more tricks in the book than this fucking chain?” You growled between gasps, the back of your head sliding against the floor as you twisted against its metal grasp. “C’mon Al, this is just embarrassing.”

Immediately, his face contorted into a look into a large, crooked smile. His eyes shifted to resemble radio dials, as he harshly yanked you towards him. Your cheek slid across the carpet, and you felt the sting of rug burn bloom across your face.

‘Don’t let him see you scared, don’t let him win.’ You begged yourself internally, as you held your tears back. 

Alastor’s face began to change, his features sharpening drastically, that crooked smile growing all the more larger. His antlers branched farther from his head, gnarling together in twisting designs above his ears. 

Even his hair began to stand on end, as he stalked closer to you. Shadows enveloped the hall, like a fog rolling in. Obscuring the sight of your eventual corpse, as Alastor wrapped the chain around his arm, keeping it taut as he closed in.

“The only embarrassment,” He started, his voice flickering into pure static at his rage, “will be how fast it takes for your s̴͔̓̌̍ç̵̯̮͍͆̿r̷̼̥̿̒̊̐e̸͙̣̯͛̽̒a̷͈̼͗ͅm̵̮͑͛͆s̴̻͊̽̑ to die on your t̸̝͓̆͌͝��̷̻͚̩̎͊n̸̨̘̭͍̕g̵̱̝͍̈́͛̍ͅû̶̞̼̲͜é̴̺, when I rip your h̷̟̣͚̅̏̔̚͜ë̵̺͙́́a̶͉͙̤͆͋r̶̼̈́͝t̴͙̯̕ out of your throat.”

Archaic symbols danced your vision as Alastor’s entire body seemed to contort into jagged edges, his arms and legs doubling in length, as his hunched back hit the ceiling of the hallway. His crooked neck lowered, his head itching closer. One claw coming out to hook  underneath you collar, pulling you up by the neck. 

“What will our dear King do then, when he finds your mangled body on his front door?” 

You snarled, trying to tear away from his grip. How dare he still try and bring Lucifer into this, even when the fallen angel could pulverize him in an instant. Couldn’t he face you one to one? 

The Radio Demon’s eyes flickered a darker red, and you feel the collar begin to tighten around your throat, squeezing the breath from your airways. You gasped, tears pricking at your eyes as you clawed at your neck in a poor attempt to stop the sensation.

“Alastor? Is everything alright over there?” 

Suddenly, the squeezing at your throat dispersed like fog, as the collar and chain vanished into thin air. You were left on the floor, sputtering for breath, as Alastor quickly pivoted towards the voice. His body instantly shifted back to normal, with quiet pops and clicks as his joints squeezed back into place.

It was Vaggie, coming down the hall, her eye staring suspiciously at his shaded form. 

Clutching your bruising throat, you stumble onto your feet. Your back hits the wall, and you use it for support to catch your breath.

Alastor straightened his suit, his expression morphing into its usual grin as if nothing had happened. “Oh, everything’s just dandy, Vaggie. Just having a delightful little chat with our friend here.” He gestured casually toward you, his tone dripping with false cheerfulness. “Isn’t that right?” He raised an eyebrow, his eyes glinting with an unknown expression.

“Yeah—cough—sorry, just choked on the water I was drinking.”

“Right. Listen, Alastor, I wanted to talk to you in private. If that’s okay with you.” Vaggie said, gesturing down the hall.

“Of course, it’s always a pleasure speaking with you, my dear!” You didn’t miss the way Alastor’s eye twitched, as if he was not thrilled about having to leave. But, he was deceiving everyone else, too. Which meant he had to play his little part to a T.

“I’m just.. going to go. I’m not feeling so well.” You muttered to the pair, before darting around the corner, out of sight. 

You ran to your room, slamming your door behind you. Your back hit its frame, before slowly sliding down until your bottom hit the carpet. Tears of anger flowed down your cheeks, as you continued to rub your neck.

Fuck. Why were you so powerless?! If only you had even a sliver of magic in you, you could have defied him better. Now, what was Alastor going to do? 

‘What did you expect?’ A part of your mind hissed scoldingly, ‘You just tried to fight the demon that owns your soul, and got your ass handed to you.’

You growled, rising to your feet. Frustration, sadness, pain, everything seeped out of you, and you felt like killing someone in that moment.

“It’s better—”

You picked up a spare shoe from the ground, your nails digging into it as you bared your teeth. Swinging it behind you, you vaulted it towards the opposite wall.

“—than doing nothing at all!” 

You heard glass shattering, and watched shards spill from the mirror above your dresser. You could see your face, partially obscured in its remaining reflection. You could see the slight purple marks around your neck, see the tears spilling from your cheeks.. see that dark look on your features, like you actually would kill somebody.

Reeling back, you placed your knuckles to your lips. Maybe, to stop that lip from quivering so violently. That face in the mirror reminded you of everything you hated about this wretched place.

And, now, you were becoming just like him. You stepped backwards, trying to distance yourself from the reflection, before the back of your legs hit the side of your bed, and you sank into the mattress. You wrapped your arms around your knees, curling into a ball as you sobbed the frustration out of you.

You could still feel the dark magic sizzling against your neck, as if it refused to release you of its hold just yet.

It wasn’t until you heard soft rapping of knuckles against glass did you lift your head. Turning towards the balcony doors, your eyes widen at the sight of the familiar figure standing outside. His silhouette illuminated by the dark red hues of the evening light, as he waved through the frosted glass.

“I see you over there! Can you let me in for a moment?” 

What was Lucifer doing here?! This was terrible timing for him to make an appearance! But, he knows you're there, can see your silhouette through the glass as you sit there on the bed. You sighed, quickly cleaning your face of tears, and taking a few deep breaths.

“Come in.” You called hoarsely, cracking the best smile you could muster.

The glass doors slowly pushed out of them, and Lucifer quietly shimmied through the cracks. He pivoted to face you, a large smile on his lips as he squinted at you through the darkness of your room.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I was just about to leave and then I remembered I never gave you your caramel apple!” 

Lucifer began to stroll forward, your face becoming less obscured in the shadows as he closed in. You tried to shrink away slightly, turning your knees away from him so he couldn’t see them quivering slightly.

“I put a layer of chocolate on it too, and so—wait, why are you crying?” His gaze intensified, as your face finally illuminated in the light.

“I-it’s nothing! I just had something in my eye!” You lied, cracking a wider smile.

“What are those marks on your neck?” Lucifer ignored your excuse, as he stalked closer to you. His eyes constantly scanning your figure looking for any more oddities. 

“Please, Lucifer.. I’m just tired and-”

“What is this?”

Lucifer had asked, his pupils dilated, trained on something against your throat. Something more than the small purple marks.

You began to rub your thumbs together in a soothing motion as you watched him move closer to you. Gulping, you parted your lips to speak.

You didn’t get a chance to say anything, before his hand gingerly lifted towards you. His nail grazed against your collarbone, and heat blossomed underneath your skin from his touch. 

‘Please, just stop here,’ you silently begged, eyes squeezing shut as his finger rested against your figure, ‘don’t ruin this moment by digging any farther.’

Your reaction only spurred him, however. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed, his pupils thin slits now as he watched you.

Slowly, his finger trailed upward, skin brushing softly against yours as he traced the invisible force only a powerful demon could see. Your heart beat rapidly in your chest, every movement of his only quickening its pace. 

Until his hand stopped, right in the middle of your neck, and you felt a sizzling against your skin. The heat was becoming too much, and you wanted to pull away from his touch. You didn’t, instead, you tensed, deathly still before him.

A soft golden light illuminated from Lucifer’s palm, as his fingers wrapped around an invisible object. A shadow formed in his grip, and he tugged at it, that glow in his palm growing stronger.

Backing away, he yanked a long, thin chain from your figure, as if trying to free you of a parasite that found a home deep in your bones. As he stepped backwards, it only dragged across the floor, still connected to your neck as it lengthened.

A thick, metal collar snuggly encompassed your throat. The chain locked tightly against it, a vivid reminder of your poor decisions.

Lucifer’s palm slid across the cold, metal links. Eldritch magic seeped from its form in the shroud of thick fog. Archaic symbols danced at the edge of your vision as its glow illuminated Lucifer’s unreadable expression.

The chain was a sickly green, its harsh glow an annoyance to his eyes. It was embedded with a dark, chilling magic. Whispers of untold horrors and ancient curses coiling around you, promises of a fate worse than death. 

Lucifer could practically smell it, that red demon's aura as it encircled around your frame. A twisted signature, practically scrawled across your forehead like a stamp of ownership.

Oh, the audacity of a person to take such a kind soul and rip it away from its owner. 

You weren’t some dog to be beckoned at the flick of a wrist. You were so much more than that, you deserved so much more than that. 

Yet here you were, the clasp around your neck like a shadowed hand, softly squeezing the life out of your eyes. He could see it, clear as day.

Small, white horns protruded from his head as he clenched the chain tighter. He tugged it once, twice, as if testing its durability. You leaned back slightly, the chain becoming taught between the two of you.

That collar around your throat kept you locked in place, as you watched him turn the chain in his hands. For a moment, Lucifer’s figure melded into the horrid shadow of your owner, and your eyes widened in fear at your delusion.

You could see it, feel it. Your stomach brushing the stained carpet beneath you with that haunting figure bent in a sickly, twisted angle in front you. That chain wrapped around the radio demon’s hand as he threatened you with terrible acts if you failed to stay in line.

Seeing your face contort into pained anguish only caused him to bare his teeth slightly, the sharp edges glinting in the light.

Seeing it so deeply entwined with your very being only further spurred the king’s anger. It seeped quietly from him, his grip tight against the chains as if trying to snap them with his bare hands.

“Who did this?” He hissed, his gaze boring into yours. He wanted to hear you say that demon’s name, wanted to hear you confirm the truth that was so obvious in front of him. 

You knew he wasn’t angry at you, but still you bowed your head slightly. Averting your gaze from his pleading eyes, shame slowly clawing at your stomach. For a moment, you felt like throwing up. Wanting to rid yourself of the terrible feeling that was seeping into your skin.

You felt like crying, or throwing yourself into his arms. Wanting to melt into his hold, and be told again and again that everything would be alright. That the most powerful man in hell would come to your rescue.

But, deals that bartered in souls are a much more difficult magic to conquer.

Fighting the urge to collapse into his embrace, you steeled yourself. Hands planted against your knees, back straight in a pathetic attempt to have some kind of power in this moment. 

Your eyes sullenly traced across the harsh links of the chain, its form all too familiar by now. Yet, it still caused such grief in your bones no matter how many times you looked upon it over the years.

Slowly, your eyes shifted to meet his gaze. Your lips curved into a frown at his expression, and your predicament.

How were you supposed to tell the love of your life your soul didn’t belong to you? That you were trapped in a deal of your own making? 

Curse that little fine line in your deal that kept your mouth sealed shut, that prevented you from uttering his name.

“I-I..” You desperately tried to speak, to tell him the truth, but that invisible hand that pulled at your tongue forced your silence. Tears pricked at your eyes, the desperation in them evident as your attempts to explain only died behind those pretty lips of yours.

As your mouth shut in frustration, Lucifer’s anger only heightened. His eyes flared into a blood-red glow, a harsh change from that soft yellow radiance you often found yourself lost in.

He pivoted harshly away, his voice contorting into a snarl as he stalked out of the room. His overcoat appeared atop his shoulders, and it swished behind him as he moved. 

Lucifer’s thoughts were too tangled with the images of his claws wrapping around the deal-makers throat to sit there and console you.

The tears that had threatened to spill finally rolled down your cheeks, your lip quivering as your eyes lingered on the doorway he had just exited. His thoughts too mangled with the image of his claws wrapping around the deal-makers throat to sit there and console you.

Placing your face into your hands, you sobbed quietly. 

Oh, how that regret had begun to consume you as you continued to wallow in your self-pity. 

Regret, for thinking that giving away your soul was a simple feat. That somehow, you’d still be happy after the fact. 

Regret, for falling in love when you knew the deal that kept you to that deer demon’s side would never allow you to enjoy such a fleeting emotion. No matter how hard you clawed to Lucifer’s soft embrace, that chain would always be there to drag you back. 

Those soft whispers of affections, of promises you couldn’t keep. Knowing, one day, that constant-smiling demon could play his little games and tear you away from your lover’s hold forever.

Oh, what a lovestruck idiot you are. 

Lucifer’s feet carried him back to the lobby, his eyes glowing as he noticed the cat-demon, Husk, cleaning glasses behind the bar. He sharply turned in his direction, surely, this other being 

“You, bartender.” Lucifer hissed, as he lifted himself up onto the barstool, crossing one leg over the other. Acting as if only wanting to have a friendly chat with the demon. His claws extended slightly, as they tapped impatiently against the countertop. 

Husker looked up from the glass in his hands, his eyes bored and his mouth a thin line as he worked. It wasn’t until he saw Lucifer’s deadly expression did he drop the glass immediately, ears slightly pinned to his head, before straightening his back to address the king.

“I-uh, how can I help you, Your Majesty?” 

Lucifer’s lips upturned into a lopsided grin, those sharp teeth on full display. That’s right, some people have to remember exactly who they are dealing with.

“Where is your master?”

Husk paused, regarding Lucifer for a moment with an eyebrow raised. He was very aware of the tension between the two powerful demons, but he didn’t expect the King of Hell would go looking for Alastor.

“I’m not sure, sir. You could bring it up with Charlie when she gets back, I’m sure she knows more than little ol’ me.” 

Lucifer grimaced slightly at that. Of all the people in the hotel, his daughter was the last one he’d want to bring into this whole debacle.

“There’s got to be something you must know, bartender. He owns your soul too, does he not?”

“What, you think I keep track of the guy or something?” 

“No, but you should,” Lucifer snarled, leaning over the counter, causing Husk to reel back slightly, “it’s clear no one here keeps eyes on that filth, enough to stop him from hurting people in this very hotel.”

Husk seemed to deflate at that. Those long, feathery eyebrows of his lowering slightly as an unreadable expression crossed his face. He set the glass down, before sharply turning away from Lucifer.

“He’s usually in his room, by now,” Husk spoke quietly after a moment, “down the left hall, last door on the right. Ya can’t miss it.”

Lucifer didn’t give thanks, instead he tapped his cane at his side, and golden waves circled around him. In an instant, the King was gone, a few pieces of gold dust landing softly against the barstool. 

“Asshole.” Husk muttered, before popping open a bottle of liquor and lifting it to his lips.

Lucifer opened his eyes to see a large door in front of his face, green symbols glittered against its frame, etched into the wood with practiced precision.

Only Lucifer could see them, though. Only powerful wielders of such a force could see these runes. Magical spells, cast upon the room. Protection, defense, muffling, everything an evil guy could dream of.

Although, the demon’s magic was strange. Unfamiler, even. Seems like he’s been dabbling in a new form of sorcery.

Lucifer stood there, for a few moments. He didn’t knock at the door, or jiggle the handle. The Radio Demon was not the one in control here, so he simply waited impatiently for an answer.

“I know you’re in there, you rat.” Lucifer hissed, the horns poking from his head continuing to rise. “I know you can hear me. Why don’t you do us both a favor and show yourself, or are you too much of a coward now?” 

Slowly, the door to Alastor’s room creaked open. The interior obscured by thick shadows, with soft lights flickering from the edges of the room as Lucifer continued to stand there.

“Your Majesty!” A cheerful voice called from the shadows of the room, and Lucifer bared his teeth at the tone. “What an honor to have someone like you gracing my presence. Please, come in!”

Lifting his head high again, Lucifer took a confident step into the room. He had every right to be, even in the demon’s own abode, the King’s powers were unmatched. 

Lucifer’s lips curled into a sneer at the saccharine greeting. “Save the pleasantries, rat. We both know why I’m here.”

As Lucifer stepped further into the room, the door behind him remained wide open, the light from the hallway illuminating the King’s figure. Alastor’s silhouette still danced within the shadows, the glow of his red eyes illuminating the space as he carefully followed the King’s movements.

“Ah, but do we really, Your Majesty? Enlighten me.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed, his patience wearing thin. “You have an uncanny knack to create suffering with everything you touch. Now, you pull the strings of innocent lives. Do you thirst for power that fucking badly, to make a deal for someone’s soul?”

“They made a deal on their own whim,” Alastor retorted, waving his hands in a sweeping motion, brushing off the accusation, “How could I say no to such an offer? I’m a demon, if you can recall.”

The lights in the room began to flicker with renewed life, and Alastor’s sharp grin only made the fallen angel want to tear it from his face.

“Demons like you deserve to be ground into dust.” Lucifer snarled, closing the distance between the two. He lifted his head, meeting Alastor’s piercing gaze. His claws wrapped around the Radio Demon’s black bow tie, and he harshly tugged him down to his eye level.

Alastor stared at the grip with a deathly silence, his face contorting into sharper features, his pupils taking the dialed form once more. 

Energy crackled in the room, a mix of both demon’s powers as the tension only continued to escalate. Alastor didn’t move from the hold, he knew better than to test that fate. 

The lines above Lucifer’s lips scrunching as he stared at the demon with disgust. “You steal the souls of those weaker than you to fill that emptiness in your own, it’s pathetic.”

“Maybe.” Alastor shrugged nonchalantly, before a green spark sizzled against his bow-tie, and it limply fell from his clothing in Lucifer grip. He turned away, stalking towards the cutting board on the counter.

“Don’t walk away from me, you freak. Lest I do everyone in this hotel a favor and remove you from existence right here.”

A dark chuckle bounced against the walls, filling the room as Alastor kept his back to Lucifer. “Ah, but if you kill me, they die too. Souls entwined with each other, you see. Such a dilemma, wouldn’t you say?”

Lucifer gritted his teeth, cursing his oversight. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

Alastor’s voice took on a sly tone. “But fear not, Your Majesty. I’m not without mercy. I understand the affection you hold for such a.. charming demon.”

Lucifer’s gaze hardened, suspicion clouding his features. “What do you want?”

“Why don’t we.. make a d̴̻͉̺̆è̴̛͎̟̖̻͐a̵̭̫͆͆̽l̸͓͍̽̆̀̕?” Alastor’s tone crackled with static, as he spun to face the fallen angel. His head tilting curiously to one side, watching Lucifer’s expression.

Lucifer laughed, an audible ha-ha as the words left Alastor’s lips. He twisted his cane between his fingers, his claws leaving small etched lines trailing behind his movements.

“A deal with you? Do you actually expect me to give you my soul?”

Alastor’s grin widened, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “Oh, not your soul, silly! It’s nothing too extravagant. Just a little exchange of power. After all, what’s a deal between demons?”

“And, what exactly does this deal entail?”

Alastor paused for a moment, his intense gaze never leaving. “I have.. a few affairs I never got to settle when I died. I’d like to be able to return to that filthy place, whenever and wherever I want.”

“That’s it?” Lucifer asked in disbelief, his head leaning back slightly as he processed the demon’s words. “You want access to the human realm? You’re standing before the King of Hell! Why not simply ask for my title?”

Damnit, Lucifer, is it really the time to get your pride twisted?

“Oh, I couldn’t be bothered to bare such responsibilities of a king. I’d take your strength in a heartbeat though, but we both know you aren’t powerful enough to bless me with such a gift.”

The mockery in Alastor’s tone of the fallen angels' lack of heavenly abilities, spurred Lucifer. Who’s horns were fully out for view now, that small fire licking hungrily between them.

“Well? What is it going to be, Your Majesty?” Alastor hummed, his nails clicking against the countertop. “Do you want their soul or not?”

A demon like Alastor, being granted the ability to leap from the realms? It was much different than giving Amsodueus’ little spawns access via that orange crystal, who didn’t hold the kind of magic the demon before him did. 

What would he do when he was up there? Steal more souls? Go on a slaughter spree? There was no telling with the twisted man before him.

But… it was Heaven’s problem. Wasn’t it? It was them who cast Lucifer away from the place he helped create, and now it was their job to clean up the messes.

“Why would you give me something of such value for something like that?” Lucifer asked after a  moment.

“Because your little lover is a deep pain in my side, always disrespecting and challenging my words. If it wasn’t for that silver tongue of theirs, I’d have killed them ages ago.”

Lucifer growled, golden flames dancing on his fingertips at Alastor’s words. 

“They also don’t have any value. No power, no status, just a beggar on the street when I found them all those years ago. You could say I only made such a deal because I pitied their pathetic existence.”

‘If this guy keeps talking, I might just have to kill him.’

Time stood still in that room for a moment, the ending of the song playing from the radio the only indicator that the realm was still moving around them.

“I’m waiting~” Alastor sung, both demons locking eyes with each other across the room instensly.

As Lucifer weighed the consequences, a firm line set on his lips as he nodded. "Very well, Alastor," he said, extending a hand towards the demon. "We have a deal."

Their hands met in a firm shake, and as their fingers intertwined, a surge of dark energy crackled between them. Wisps of shadow and flame danced around their clasped hands, swirling around the duo.

Alastor was lost in a maniacal fit of laughter, as large eyes and symbols danced around him. That smile on his lips changed, as lines of thread locking his teeth together, as if someone had forcefully stitched that grin in place.

The air itself seemed to tremble with the force of their agreement, and the room pulsed with an otherworldly energy. The very fabric of reality seemed to warp and bend around them as the terms of their pact solidified.

Suddenly, you burst into the room, your eyes widening in fear as you saw the two demon’s hands entwined. You placed a hand to your mouth in shock, as you realized exactly what they were doing.

“Oh, no no no NO!” You cried hoarsely against the loud rushing wind, pushing you against the wall. What kind of deal was Lucifer making?! 

With a final burst of darkness, the pact was sealed, and both demons drew back. Alastor’s eyes gleamed with newfound power. His aura crackled with renewed strength, and the demon’s grin widened with satisfaction.

His eyes landed on you, a twisted smirk on his lips as he vanished in a plume of smoke. The intensity of it causing your eyes to water, and to fall into a fit of coughs.

The echoes of their agreement lingered in the air in a mixture of green and gold sparks of energy. Lucifer stood alone in the room, before he took a step backwards, stumbling slightly as you reached him. 

Taking his arm, you yank him out of the room, into the hallway. You scan over his figure, your heartbeat quickening as you search for any kind of injuries.

“What did you do? You didn’t make a deal for your soul, did you?!” You cried in panic, your hands on both sides of Lucifer’s face as he blinked away the fog from behind his eyes.

“Of course, I didn’t.” Lucifer muttered between your palms, “I simply gave him some power that he can go fuck off with for the rest of eternity.”

“But.. he c-could—oh, why would you do that?! That was so stupi—”

Lucifer quickly wrapped his fingers around your forearms, shaking you gently to get you to look at him. The slits of his pupils trained intently on your look of distraught.

“For you!” He growled, and you slammed your mouth shut. His breath was ragged, his lips downturned into a painful frown as he watched your lip begin to quiver.

“I made a deal to exchange your soul for a little power, because I cannot bare seeing you suffer any longer. Do you get that? I walked into your bedroom, to find you bruised and in tears. Over what, spilled milk?!”

“I can take it, I've been taking it.” You cried, arms shaking as you fidgeted in his hold. Shame clawing at your throat. Why did you have to be so fucking useless when it came to things like this?

“No! Stop that. Stop lying to me! That ‘everything is fine and dandy’, when it’s not. I’m the goddamn King of Hell, and I can’t even protect you because you refuse to let anyone prove that you matter.”

Lucifer squeezed his eyes shut, head leaning into your shoulder as he took a deep breath. Your scent easing his anger slowly as he sunk into your embrace.

“You matter so much to me, you and Charlie. If I have to make a deal with a douchebag like him, to save your soul, then so be it. I don’t care what he takes from me.” 

Tears spilled from your cheeks, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You both fell to your knees, and it was your turn to lean into his embrace. Your shoulders shook as you sobbed into his chest.

You were finally free from that monster. He couldn’t hurt you anymore, couldn’t lay a finger on you without consequence. Yet, your tears were also of sadness. You had tried so hard to prevent this, to prevent Lucifer from being selfless and allowing Alastor to win. 

You felt hands gently rubbing at your back, a soothing motion that quelled your quivering figure slightly. It was so warm, like laying in front of a lively fireplace. You wanted to stay there forever.

You were so tired. The mental exhaustion that had been plaguing your mind all these months finally slamming into you, and you lay there limp against his embrace.

“Please.. please don’t cry. I love you, I love you.” Lucifer whispered softly, his voice cracking as he pulled you deeper into his hold. He kept repeating those words, ‘I love you’, as he placed soft kisses against your forehead.

You felt the soft touch of feathers graze against your ears, and cracked open an eye to see Lucifer’s wings engulfing the both of you. They nestled into you, rubbing against your cheek softly, lulling you into a sleepy daze.

“I’ve got you, I promise.” Lucifer whispered into your ear. “You’re safe, you’re loved, I'm so sorry.” 

You placed a soft kiss to his collarbone, and snuggled deeper into his chest. Thankfully, no one was around to bother the two of you as you sat on the floor in the hall.

Just five minutes. That’s all you needed, five minutes basking in his warmth, in his soft words of affection. Five minutes to promise yourself you’d never let him do something like this again.

And maybe, everything would be alright. 

you guys 😭 i made sure this fic was cooked, damnit!! A little more fast-paced than usual, but I hope you can forgive me for that. i also could not settle on what kind of deal alastor wanted to make, so i blind drew out of a hat. i just wanted to bring in a little drama, and it’s hard when one of them is can be easily bodied haha

i honestly have to stop telling yall how long I think my fics will be bc i said “oh i want this to be as long as artist!reader pt. 4”, yet it’s roughly 6-7k over it someone kill me

let me know what you think 🫶

[Lucifer] taglist: @ohnoivefallen @doodlebob2726 @coleisyn @loslox @sukxma @undertale-is-sansational @nehy019 @mixplara @chewbrry @yellowsubiesdance @airwolf92 @laurenlaurie @lxkeee @jellybellyrulez @catnoirsleftnut @mbruben-stein @mint129106 @froggybich @moonlovers34 @just-trash-yeah-thats-it @lil-bexie @lowkeyhottho @wings-of-sapphire @the-tortured-poet @enigmatic-blues @bethleeham @blue122 @cherry-4200 @azullynx @luzzbuzz @for-hearthand-home

[oscarsgallery]

All is forgiven, baby! Come on, get dressed

You're my date to the pep rally tonight!

You chucked me out like I was trash

For that you should be dead

But, but, but

Then it hit me like a flash

What if high school went away instead?

Those assholes are the key!

They're keeping you away from me!

They made you blind, messed up your mind

But I can set you free!

You left me and I fell apart

I punched the wall and cried

Bam, bam, bam!

Then I found you changed my heart

And set loose all that truthful shit inside

And so I built a bomb

Tonight our school is Vietnam!

Let's guarantee they never see their senior prom

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

Don't give up on me now

Finish what we've begun

I was meant to be yours

So when the high school gym goes "boom" with everyone inside

Pkhw, pkhw, pkhw!

In the rubble of their tomb

We'll plant this note explaining why they died

We, the students of Westerburg High

Will die

Our burned bodies may finally get through

To you

Your society churns out slaves and blanks

No, thanks

Signed the Students of Westerburg High

"Goodbye"

We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors

Bring marshmallows

We'll make s'mores

We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

I can't make it alone

Finish what we've begun

You were meant to be mine

I am all that you need

You carved open my heart

Can't just leave me to bleed

Veronica, open the, open the door, please

Veronica, open the door

Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please?

Can we not fight anymore?

Veronica, sure, you're scared

I've been there, I can set you free!

Veronica, don't make me come in there!

I'm gonna count to three!

One!

Two! Fuck it!

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Oh, my God

No! Veronica!

Please don't leave me alone

You were all I could trust

I can't do this alone

Still, I will if I must!

Veronica!

I brought you a snack!

Veronica?

Ahh!

-🇩🇪

shut up german heathers fan.

[rhiannswork]

w. rojas || have you ever thought about it?

warnings: talk of pregnancy, julia 🥹🥹, a mockery of the scene where cami asks daisy if she wants kids, let’s act like mr. rojas has a bed in the house, fluff, camila just being tired :((

“so, if im correct, you began dating warren around the beginning of the aurora sessions?”

“ahh yes i was…” you nodded. a smile grew on your face as you heard your husbands name.

back then, it was easy to get into studios, wear something a little flashy and boom you’re in. after seeing the reoccurrence of the group ‘the six’ alongside daisy jones, you took it upon yourself to hang around them more often.

you lingered at the door, listening for instruments. you didn’t want to walk in on a take.

“hey babe,” you heard warrens voice from behind you. “hi warren.” you turned around quickly, you were faced with a tall, fit man, with a wife beater and slightly tight pants. “we’re not recording a take, don’t worry.” he walked in front of you to open the door for you. “after you.” he smiled.

you walked into the room and seeing a soft atmosphere. eddie creating a bass riff, julia dancing to the riff with her mother, billy and daisy revising lyrics, karen and graham were no where to be found.

“this was way before we knew they were screwing to be honest.”

“warren, ‘bout time.” eddie smirked with cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. he rolled his eyes as he walked closer to julia and camila. “hi mija.” he picked julia up in his arms.

you watched as he bounced her up and down to eddie’s riff. “she loves this riff…” camila laughed as she brushed her hair behind her head. “i can tell.” you smiled.

“you always used to find something that could hold you up, your knees would be just a’going.”

camila watched the way you adored warrens careful touch with julia. “do you want one y/n?” she spoke softly before placing her chin on your shoulder. “wha- huh? you mean now?!” you turned around with a panicked look.

“no! no… don’t be like me,” she sighed as her eyes glanced over to billy entranced by daisy, as if they were the only people in the room. “in time… you think warren would want one?” she looked over to him taking julia to his drum set. you watched as he carefully placed the big headphones on her and placed her on his lap. he handed her two drumsticks and cupped her hands and slowly starting playing a rhythm.

“i don’t think he’d want a baby with me.” you shook your head with a chuckle to follow. “why would you think that y/n.”

“i’m not fit for it cam. i don’t want to bring a kid out in this world… it’s cruel. what if i’m not a good mother!” you quietly yelled to her. “what? you’d be an amazing mother. i thought i wouldn’t be able to handle jules. believe it or not, i was crying almost every night. it’s natural but you know what else is natural? you becoming a good mother.”

you smiled at her words. “this may sound weird but i wish you were my mother.” you chuckled as you looked down. “i’ll be your faux mom.” camila lifted your head up by your chin as she glanced in your eyes.

you could depict the hurt in her eyes, this conversation was more complex than it sounded to anyone else. all you could do was telepathically apologize to camila. she sent back an ‘it’s okay.’ with her eyes.

“your mother… she was a strong woman. an extremely strong woman.” you sniffled as you put a smile back on your face.

you stayed at the house where the band (minus cami and billy) lived. it was late when everyone got back, everyone had a quick bite of chinese food and headed off to bed.

you finished up your shower and headed to warrens room. “hey, i feel like i haven’t talked to you all day.” warren watched you walk to the bed. “sorry, just… thinking.” you nodded as you wrapped up under the covers.

“what about, my love?” he turned to you, propping his head up. “do you ever… in the future, maybe… want a baby?” you looked over to him. “of course i do. i’ve gotta carry this drumming legacy on somehow!” he joked. you scoffed as you rolled your eyes. “alright ringo. camila had asked me when i came to the studio.”

“oh yeah?” he grabbed your hand and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. you hummed as you nodded your head. “i just want to be ready for him or her. i want to be a good mother.” your eyes stayed on his hand.

“and you will be. right now, we’re gonna be young and in love. we can worry about that later alright? don’t stress yourself out.” he muttered before placing one last kiss on your forehead and a lingering hand rubbing your cheek.

“i feel like i’ve done this mothering thing right. i mean, i’ve done it three times.”

[sol-dial]

It’s been a while but I can finally gush about my favorite moments from Avengers Assemble Season 3, episode 21 “Building the Perfect Weapon” :D

So blah blah Truman Marsh kicking Hulk out of the Avengers and he is replaced by Red Hulk. When that’s revealed, welp chaos. Hulk runs away and gosh the rest of the Avengers go to run after him but Marsh tells them they have a mission to do.

Everyone goes back into the room except Steve and Tony and they talk.

“If he thinks I’ll go on another mission with that maniac..” Tony said, obviously frustrated.

“We have to make the best of it, Tony.” Steve replies seriously and not a second later he smiles at him rather fondly, leaning in to clasp his armored shoulder. “I thought you were a maniac when I met you.”

And HELLO?! Steve keeps his hand on Tony’s shoulder as they walk back into the room qwq. Also..I want to know the lore so bad why Steve first thought Tony was a maniac when they first met and how that opinion changed!!

Then mission and Red Hulk casually dropping military knowledge to everyone’s surprise.

After digesting the information, Steve moves his gaze to look back at Tony, who looks at him. “A maniac, huh?” Steve says in quiet disbelief.

(SHUT UP? It’s so silly that Steve brought that up since no one else on the team will understand that reference except Tony. Like, Steve looked back at Tony to bring it up)

As Red-Hulk suddenly charges, Steve backs up to be side-by-side with Tony. The two exchange sideway glances, Steve giving a knowing smile as he merely shrugs.

Tony looks away, muttering “Yeah. Maniac.” , unaware that Steve is still looking, and smiling fondly, at him until Tony begins ordering.

Steve trying to hide his love for Tony challenge (impossible)

Like geez, Steve still smiling and looking at Tony even though Tony isn’t looking at him and only moves when orders are being delivered like okay sir good for you 👌

Anyways they find The Leader and fight Ultimo and I that fight scene because of Tony’s quick thinking planning!

He first tells Falcon to get Ultimo to chase him and Falcon does it without question until wanting to know what’s next. The Avengers trust Tony I love it <3

In the span of minutes, Tony asks for a cable arrow, compliments Clint’s shot, asks for it very nicely, connects it to the back of Ultimo’s head, orders Thor to electrify the cable, and boom, Ultimo is defeated. Like, YEAH! LEADERSHIP SKILLS, GENIUS SKILLS! The Avengers run so smoothly like woah.

Hehe Tony saying “that’s all” for his plan, and Clint laughs and repeats disbelievingly “Heh. That’s all, he says”. Shut up I love Tony downplaying his quick planning and the team refusing for him to downplay it since yeah, Tony’s a genius!

Tracking The Leader, the Avengers find a destroyed little town and try to find out exactly where he is. Red-Hulk is impulsive as ever, trying to rush things. While arguing, The Leader sent an energy wave to disable their tech. So, Falcon’s trackers don’t work and Tony, in his armor, can’t move o_o

Even more fun, a hole opens up and everyone’s falling!

Red-Hulk jumps using the rocky walls. Thor uses his hammer to hover. Widow uses a wire to hold onto a rock, with Falcon holding onto one of her legs. Clint uses an arrow and sticks it into the wall. Steve digs his shield into the side of the wall.

AHH! With his left hand, Steve is holding his shield and with his right hand, holding onto Tony’s gauntleted wrist. We can hear Steve struggling because Tony’s armor has got to be heavy, and remember Tony can’t move.

How does Steve have a good grip on his shield, with one hand, and the other hand holding Tony, whose armor is probably weighing them both down?!

Anyyywaaays!

Red-Hulk leaves all of them to get The Leader while Thor goes to save the others. Just as Widow’s wire breaks and she and Falcon fall down below Steve and Tony, Thor grabs one of Widow’s wrists. Thor then flies up, where Falcon reaches a hand for Tony to grab onto, so Steve and Tony are dragged up (since Steve is still holding onto one of Tony’s wrists). Clint grabs onto one of Steve’s legs and Thor drags everyone to safety, yippee! :D

(Wanted to add this photo of Steve holding Tony because I’m silly :3)

Tech is finally back up and after running into a death trap with spikes, crushing walls, and lasers, the Avengers decide to fly out of there.

“Everyone who doesn’t fly, grab on.” Tony orders.

Falcon flies, no problem. Thor picks up Clint and Widow jumps down to grab onto Thor. Steve is the only one who jumps onto Tony and hangs on.

Like damn. Tony wanted to help everyone, but everyone’s alright. And Steve was so quick to jump onto Tony like geez, Steve is the only one who wants to be on Tony qwq. They are so powercouple <3

Episode ends with Red Hulk being turned into a gamma bomb, so extra flames, and the hint of Hulk going back to save them..to be continued..as the episode says!

[po1son-plast1x]

Woven souls

Ch2.an apology from someone unexpected

loki x reader series

A/n: thank you to those who read the other one this one is pretty short but the next will be longer I promise.

Two weeks had passed since the encounter with the prince, but something had been lingering ever since—an inexplicable pull. It was faint, almost nonexistent, like a soft tug at the edges of my thoughts. Yet, despite its subtlety, it was there, growing more noticeable as time went on. you couldn’t shake it, but you couldn’t quite figure out what it was either.

Crash!

The sound snapped you out of your thoughts, and you turned quickly to see Viktor your co-worker but also your best friend, sprawled on the floor, a bundle of jasmine flowers scattered around him. The sweet scent of the blossoms filled the room, overpowering the usual herbal aromas and immediately putting a smile on your face. 

“Vik, I told you to take a few more days off,” you said, kneeling to gather up the flowers and carefully placing them back into their box. “Your foot hasn’t fully healed yet, and besides, things have been slow.”

you glanced up to find Viktor sitting there, rubbing his head with a sheepish grin. His shaggy, dirty blonde hair fell messily around his face, and his baggy pants and apron looked even more out of place than usual. He still hadn’t shaken the habit of working in a rushed manner, no matter how often you reminded him.

His hand found its way around your neck, giving him enough support to pull himself up. “I’m not gonna just leave you to work alone,” he said with a playful tone, his usual cocky smile returning. “And I’ve been fully healed for a week now, you know that. Besides, you know you miss me.” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he poked my cheek, causing you to roll your eyes but smile.

“I miss the chaos you bring, yes,” you replied, teasing him back. “But you still shouldn’t be working so soon. You’re not invincible, Vik.” He shrugged, his grin wide. “Invincible? Nah, just stubborn.”        

Ding!!

“Ahh, Lady Y/N, nice to finally see you again!” A familiar, booming voice echoed through the room, filling it with warmth and a bit of thunderous energy. Thor. Of course, he had to make an entrance. But this time, he wasn’t alone.

Standing beside the mighty god of thunder was none other than the dark-haired prince, dressed in finely crafted Asgardian leather. His stoic, guarded face didn’t betray a single hint of emotion, but as our eyes met, I felt that same strange sensation—an unexplainable pull. I tried to ignore it, but it was there, lingering in the air between us, undeniable. For a brief moment, we simply stood there, our gazes locked, until he finally broke the connection, his eyes darting away. The tension between you shifted, leaving an uncomfortable knot in my stomach. Little did you know loki also felt if but thought nothing of it, he chose to ignore it and he wasn't exactly happy to see the herbalist who talked back to him .

Viktor, finally pulling himself upright after the near-disastrous tumble, shook himself off with a grin, the chaos of his earlier stumble quickly forgotten in his eagerness to engage. I couldn’t help but shake my head, a sigh escaping my lips. “I told you, you're very clumsy,” I muttered under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear. 

Viktor let out a hearty laugh, brushing the dust off his baggy pants as if nothing had happened. “Guess it’s a good thing you’re here?”

you rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips. 

Turning back to Thor, you gave a small bow, your smile softening. “Thor, it’s good to see you too,” you said, my voice warm, though my thoughts were still swirling. 

Thor waved his hand in the air dismissively, flashing his usual grin. “Please, no formalities,” he said with a chuckle. “I already consider you a friend.” He then turned to Viktor, offering a hand with a friendly smile. “And who’s this? Nice to meet you.”Viktor, of course, tried to reach out to Thor with the same enthusiasm as always—but, in true Viktor fashion, he nearly lost his balance in the process. you watched in disbelief as he wobbled forward, arms flailing, before you stepped in to steady him. 

“Honestly, you’re a disaster,” you murmured,your hand on his shoulder, keeping him upright. Viktor just laughed, clearly unfazed. “What can I say? Graceful isn’t in my nature.” 

Finally managing to reach Thor’s hand, he shook it with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Viktor, at your service. A pleasure to meet you, Prince Thor.”Thor laughed heartily at Viktor’s antics, his booming voice full of mirth. “Seems you’ve got your hands full with this one, Lady Y/N.”

The store was with its usual collection of scents and sounds, but the quiet prince, Loki, had drifted away from the group. He wandered through the aisles of jars and shelves, his fingers brushing over dried herbs, oils, and bundles of flowers. Each item—red dates, ground herbs, dried fruits—seemed to capture his attention in turn. The distinct smells of each filled the air, mingling together in a fragrant harmony, you watched him for a moment, noticing how he moved as if he had already been here before, how his focus was so quiet yet intense. He hadn’t said a word, but you could tell he was processing everything around him, the intricate details of the place. The quiet prince was lost in thought.

you left Viktor and Thor talking behind youand stepped forward, your curiosity pulling you toward him.“Red dates,” you began, your voice light, yet carrying the weight of years of knowledge. “They go well with goji berries and honey. Makes a warm tea that helps replenish the body.” Loki didn’t flinch at your sudden presence. He didn’t seem surprised at all, as if he had known you were following him. His dark eyes flickered briefly to meet mine, then he nodded, taking in the information you shared as if storing it carefully in the back of his mind. The silence between us stretched for a moment before he spoke, his voice calm but with a trace of something unspoken lingering beneath. “I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you. Please, forgive my mistake.”Loki knew it was unlike him to apologize of course he had manners but he hated apologizing if anything made him cringe but there was something about you that he couldn’t quite place, something that made his ego disappear for a moment. 

you paused, surprised by his words. The prince was offering an apology. you hadn’t expected that from him. His posture was different now, more relaxed as if some of the tension had left him.“It’s fine,” you replied, shaking your head. “If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I was having an… off day.” you sighed softly. Loki inclined his head slightly. “I didn’t know before,” he said, his voice still steady but with a soft edge to it, “but I’m assuming you don’t know my name.” you shook my head, unsure of what he was getting at, but the tension between you two had loosened and that was a plus. 

“It’s Loki,” he said, his voice almost an afterthought as he let the name linger in the air. “Second son of Odin and Frigga. The god of mischief and lies.”There it was. His title, his identity laid bare in the stillness of the room. For a moment, everything felt a little quieter,

“Loki,” you repeated, testing the name on your tongue. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“ yes very well then” Clearing his throat it wasn’t long until he had the same guarded expression “On to why we came all this way…. since it is now allergy season the queen has requested tea or anything that can help with it” keeping his words simple and straight to the point. Loki hated seeing his mother sick but he would never admit that he’d done too much of that today.” over here,” you said while walking toward the front of the store “it is very popular around this time so take some while you can” grabbing the tea bags and handing it to him,

Not soon after they paid for their things and went on their way.

a/n; THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!ch.3 will be out later today.

[raisindave]

[Chapter 10] Seeing the World Through Ballistic-Tinted Glasses

Standing that close to a nuclear weapon makes your stomach queasy. Before you could even blink, it could detonate, and every atom in your body would be utterly vaporized beyond belief. Like getting raptured and brought up to heaven, enveloping you in a blinding holy light, leaving nothing but your boots behind- and a crater the size of Texas. The nuclear weapons were smaller than you’d expect, about waist high, roughly the size and shape of a traffic cone. Standing so close to the three warheads makes you lightheaded. Surely these things aren’t emitting live radiation, right? 

“Graves’ got our exfil. Helo’s sixty seconds out.” Ghost called. It was almost as if he had refused to meet your gaze since your discovery. 

“Good fuckin' eye, Lua,” Gaz spoke up, hobbling on his weak leg to rest his palm on your shoulder, using the opportunity to steady himself.

“Ahh, I was never worried.” Soap chortled, meeting your gaze with a sly smile. 

You rolled your jaw in irritation, huffing out a breathy laugh. Sure, he was being sarcastic, but it stuck in the back of your mind that he was absolutely ready to leave you in the snow if your intuition didn’t whisper to recheck the forklift. He’s making light of the grave situation, and for once, it was desperately welcome, as if there wasn’t enough firepower to wipe out the dinosaurs four times over only inches away. 

“We’re not in the clear yet, Johnny.” Ghost corrected, hearing the chopping of a helicopter only moments away. 

It was almost impossible to see the helicopter as it lowered to the ground, blinding spotlight and black hull paint made it seem like you were about to get abducted by aliens. Behind you, Price and Ghost were tightening straps and aligning hooks to give the cargo its best shot at surviving the trip to the bunker. The boys already knew the drill, efficiently aligning and preparing the container in a manner similar to ants bringing resources back to the colony. The rapport these men have built over the years made them function like a well-oiled machine. For them, there was no need for instruction or direction; instead, they filled up the insufferable cold with observations from the recent combat encounter and their satisfaction with the accuracy of their marks. 

Unfortunately for you, you were not a part of their hivemind, connecting only a moment too late that they were heading to take their seats in the open-air fuselage of the helicopter. The smell of fuel and raw metal was heavy on your senses, hopping to sit on the elevated floor of the helo, swinging your legs to rise and stand upright. Poor Gaz’s face said it all, his eyes creasing in discomfort as he settled himself into his seat while you took the one opposite to him. Senses still alight with tension and energy, the winding start of the engine humming to life made your heart skip. Within seconds, that low whirr became a thunderous roar. Feeling the weight under you increase, watching the ground from the helicopter's open door as it drifted away. A sense of peace settles over you as the booming engine roaring creates a calming white-noise effect, forcing any thoughts to be drowned out by its blaring. 

It took you a second to understand what Price was gesturing at, waving his hands next to his head and pointing behind you. Still sparking with anxiety, you spun around anxiously to see no enemy crouching behind you in your seat. In the turn, you identified a pair of pale green noise-cancelling headphones with a microphone attached. Slipping them on, the roaring engine hushed and disconnected voices of your comrades' mouths finally matched up, and their conversations became legible. 

“Good shit, boys,” Graves’ voice crackled through the headphones. 

“You had us on the edge of our seats for a while there,” Laswell added, “Excellent work. All of you.” 

“Now we gotta’ tuck n’ roll out of here. When we get to the base, we have 20 minutes to be on the tarmac like we were never here. Understood?” Graves ordered. 

“Yes sir.” all of the diligent soldiers responded unanimously. 

A moment of silence offered a break for you to ask a nagging question that had tugged at you since the second you noticed the warheads. 

“Where are they taking them?” You asked meekly, swallowing your nerves before continuing, “The… tools.”

“Submarine off the coast of Nunavut in Canada. They store a lot of our nuclear. They’re NATO property now.” Laswell spoke up on behalf of everyone. 

The answer satisfied your nerves, comfortable that the weapons you unearthed wouldn’t be used to rain hellfire anytime soon. More silence fell over the team, and you took the welcome opportunity to rest the back of your head on your seatback, drinking in the darkness from closing your eyes. What you wouldn’t do to be back home in a long, warm bubble bath, with a glass of white wine and at least a dozen scented candles. Soon enough. However, Ghost was right; you aren’t in the clear until you’re on home turf. You’ll have to settle for imaginary self-care until you’re out of the woods for good, hopefully sooner rather than later. 

“How’s the leg?” You spoke, tilting your chin to Gaz. 

“Well,” he shifted his leg to show the medical tape holding it closed, “it’ll have to get a few stitches when I’m back on solid ground.”

“He’s probably more worried about the helicopter,” Soap barked out a laugh.

The meaning of the quip was lost on you, which must have been evident in your expression as Price spoke up to clarify. 

“Gaz doesn’t have the best track record with helicopters.”

“He fell out of one once,” Soap spoke up, face alight with a shit-eating smile. 

“Twice, if I remember correctly,” Ghost added, eliciting another barking laugh from Soap. 

“Yeah, yeah, keep talking, and you’ll be doing the same,” Gaz pestered in response. 

Your face contorted into a concerned yet polite grin, shrugging off the dozens of questions that rattled in your mind. The boys carried on their seemingly endless banter as you ran a simulation of everything you needed to do to prepare to leave the bunker that was approaching the helicopter’s view. As the ground rose to meet you, the next task was to grab everything important and have it in a bag outside. Not that you brought anything important anyway. 

Getting away from those hideous linoleum floors was a blessing. This tacky, sparsely furnished and definitely mouldy bunker has seen better days, and you were excited to get the musty smell out of your nostrils. With everything snugly packed in your duffle bag, one last sweep over the pathetic living quarters left you excited to be in your home bed, to say the least. Clicking shut the faux wood door for the last time, you followed towards voices in the common room, just down the hall. 

Passing the never-before-seen hallway leading to where the boys slept, a short space for four cubicle rooms that were actually designed to be bedrooms, you spotted a unique opportunity. Hunched over his bed, you observed Ghost neatly and agonizingly precisely folding a tee shirt into delicate sections. Creasing it with the side of his hand, he created measured lines of perfect 90-degree angles. A small stack of other shirts and garments to match showed he had been at this since he arrived. The absurdity struck you. Forty minutes ago, he was blasting holes in people’s heads. Now, he’s spending his free time delicately folding every clothing item into perfect rectangles. Craning your neck to see the others’ rooms, you saw the same diligent military-style bedsheet folding, save for Ghost’s, whose was particularly immaculate. 

You took the opportunity to leave before you had another insufferable encounter like the one a few days ago in the gym. A snickering smile crossed your lips, stowing this memory away as it could be fuel for future pestering. Rounding the corner into the common room for hopefully the last time, you met the rest of the crew, discussing the details of the mission and entering midway through a passionate conversation. 

“-Yeah, that was the guy that nicked Gaz. I saw Price at my four and missed the guy dead in front of me.” Soap laughed, slapping the back of his hand on Price’s bicep. 

“That’ll learn ya’,” He retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Our next mission better be somewhere warm,” Gaz spoke up, “This is what, our third mission in the fucking cold? Laswell better have a task for us in Hawaii or something by now…”

“I just want to be somewhere I don’t have to worry if my balls’ll freeze off,” Soap added, noticing your presence, “...Sorry, Grant.” 

You shrugged in response, waving your hand and dismissing their concern. That familiar masked face rounded the corner, encouraging you to sling your duffle bag over your shoulder in the expectation of leaving. His body eclipsed the doorframe, creating an unwelcome edge to the conversation like a wild animal had just walked next to your campsite, and you were making discrete and deliberate movements to dodge its interest. Moments passed, and he went to sit beside Gaz to discuss God knows what. It could be anything from cleanliness techniques to how best to blast someone’s head off from 100 meters away. 

“Can’t wait to get home and have a pint, Fuck, I deserve it.” Price sighed, tilting his head back in thought.

“I don’t know why you’re celebrating. I’m the one that did the hard work,” You chirped, a wicked grin crossing your lips. 

Before more chaos got to ensue after you dropped that metaphorical, though relevant, bombshell, you slipped away. Hearing footsteps behind you, you slinked into a maintenance closet, slowly and patiently winding the door handle shut so as not to make an audible click. Your heart thrummed in your chest, wide eyes drinking in any scraps of visible light in the pitch-dark closet. The door could fling open any second, and some cruel fate could befall you. Maybe thrown into a snowbank or dumped into the frigid lake. Or worse yet, more rucking. Jogging footsteps pounded past, likely going to check for you in the other closet, which was your makeshift bedroom. 

Opportunity struck. Winding the doorknob, you cringed as the door made a low groan as it eased open. Redirecting the stored adrenaline from your hidey-hole in the closet, you steadily crept to the exit door, only feet away. Whipping your head to check for footsteps, more hooting laughter from the other side of the compound said they were coming your way. On bounding, featherlight footsteps, you crossed to the other side of the hallway, pushing open the latch bar with your elbow and slipping the door closed with your fingertips. 

There was more frigid air, but this time, it was welcome. Having escaped your second life-or-death situation of the day, your boots crunched over thick snow, seeing Laswell and Graves expedite the warheads being placed in what looked like a lead-lined container. Their voices came into earshot as you approached, their chatter with the pilot concluding. A second plane came into view, dwarfed by the larger one. The smaller one would clearly be the one transporting the ‘hot potato,’ as Graves once put it. Angular wings and inky matte paint said that this thing was built to fly under the radar of anyone who would be looking for it- and people would soon be looking for it. 

A sideways head-tilt from Graves indicated that the larger plane was your ride, swinging your pack to rest in a hanging mesh net over the seating area. The two continued their dialogue outside the plane, carrying on about where they could rendezvous to debrief in the next few days. Rubber boots thrumming against the industrial metal fuselage of the plane, you took a moment to dissect your surroundings. This wasn't a commercial plane, far from it. Though the make and model were foreign to you, the shape of the wings and sleek design said that it was designed with one key purpose: Speed. It felt nice to be treated with a speedy ride home. Laswell has a way of always knowing what you’d need before you even knew it. 

Numb joints are set aflame with discomfort, making their irritation known as you settle yourself down to assume your position on the bench of seats. The distant chatter and motion from outside the plane grew louder, hearing the familiar brassy tones of your comrades as you picked at your nails in anticipation. Gaz poked his head around the corner, and you greeted him with a tight-lipped smile, pulling your harness over your head and clipping you into place. Partially to prepare to leave, partially so they couldn’t toss you into the snowbank without a bit of a fight. 

“She’s in here,” He called out, tossing his bag and climbing with a groan into the plane cabin. 

“Snitch,” You uttered, catching a smile from him as he chucked his bag into the mesh hammock. 

Gaz had a grace to the way he walked, even when he was injured. If you didn’t know he had an inch-deep gash in his thigh and maybe ignored a couple of winges, you’d never know he was wounded. It must be a consequence of the job; these boys probably see injuries twice as severe every other week. The rest of the task force approached in due time as you heard the tail end of Ghost's thick accent saying something about an ‘old geezer.’

Seeing the jet carrying the warheads disappear into the horizon, blinking in disbelief at its pace's sheer speed and silence. Satisfied at the rate of the weapons’ proximity from your person fading, you listened as the remaining three teammates arranged themselves for another flight. With that, you were in motion, taking advantage of a cleared space of concrete and clipping the trees with the landing gear as you reached liftoff. It didn’t take long for all traces of your existence to be wiped from the compound, just as a delicate snowfall started to flurry in the early morning darkness. 

“Alright folks,” Laswell sighed into the microphone from the cockpit cabin, creating a short staticky rumble of feedback from her breath “We touch down in Alaska, then go our separate ways.”

From an estimation of the distance from flight logs you had read once, you gauged that you could be in for an eight-hour flight before you’re in friendly territory. Six with the make of this plane. Could be five if weather permits. Precious seconds before you’re back in the comfort of a bed that your tepid muscles pleaded for. Your mind was a tangled mess of unwrapping the last few hours. First, to what show you’d catch up on when you get home, then how close you were to freezing to death, and again, what you’ll bring home for your neighbour who took care of your goldfish. Luckily, you had a few hours to digest these thoughts before they’re put into practice in your home state. 

“Earth to Luaaa… Calling Miss Graaant,” Soap’s voice cut into your conscience, snapping you out of your daze, “Welcome back. Hey, we’ve decided on your callsign. There’s no talking your way out of it this time.”

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Master List

[celestie0]

Hello ellie! 😍 im just here to drop a ‘few’ words so don’t mind me 🤪 (i fear it may have turned into a yapsesh oopsies!)

Help omg idk if this is tmi but like im on my period and I was reading chap 3 of ihm right… and how could i prevent myself from laughing at my fav goofy ahh lighthearted romcom series on tumblr? 😔 put 2 and 2 together and boom i had my ketchup bottle moment when reading the dialogue bye 💀🤚 I LITERALLY HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PROCESS WTH JUST HAPPENED LOL

Anyway, i rlly LOVEEEE your writing style for ihm,, the goofiness n domesticity is what I need as therapy for the heart wrenching angst fics ive read 😤 the way you write y/n + gojo’s dynamic and quarrels never fail to make me crack up like an egg and i love you for that 😔 THANK YOU FOR CREATING A COMFORT FIC FOR US ALL 🥺🫶

I hope I’m not stepping out of line here but your feelings abt the smut in ihm is totally valid and i understand you. That anon probs didn’t intend on bringing any harm but like there’s bountiful of smut in the jjk fandom that I’m sure they could have read instead of commenting smth so ignorant and disrespectful 🥲 Pls every time i search ‘jjk x reader’ in the search tab, i’m always greeted by endless posts of smut one-shots 😭 but fr this fandom actually needs to stop being a buncha horny brainrots bc im actually over repetitive and predictable smut,, everything just feels so shallow :,0 (everyone is entitled to their own opinion so dont atk me pls) and them invading your personal space by demanding smut is just not it… and we all know you don’t have to cater to them bc u don’t owe them anything! no need to listen to the smut hungry anons bc they don’t even care abt the blood, sweat and tears you pour into ur fics if they’re pushing you to write smut 😡‼️ they can go fulfil their dirty desires somewhere else ;-;

Words seriously cannot express how much I love your stories and just wanna applaud you for not immediately jumping into smut and actually having relationship buildup,, it makes the stories have sustenance and ik u want ur fics to be memorable in a unique way to your lovely readers 😇 but we seriously need a smut ban n touch grass movement in the jjk fandom for a bit bc this is getting out of hand 😭

I LOVE YOU ELLIE AND PLS DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THESE SILLY ANONS BC AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY R NOTHING + YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (us ACTUAL readers and gojo) WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND SHOWER U IN THE LOVE THAT U DESERVE!!! ❤️

hiii bb!! PLEASE the ketchup bottle moment sent me to the moon also so fucking relatable xD and omg i'm so glad you enjoy the lightheartedness of ihm so far!! it's been sm fun to write and it's become a comfort fic of my own as well <33

thanks so much for the support on the smut thing <3 i've been toggling back n forth between feeling awful for coming at that anon like that vs being glad i stood up for myself lol, but ultimately, i just needed to share my perspective. i don't think they were trying to be rude either, which is why i felt bad, but i spoke my truth lol

and i totally agree w you (pls no one attack me either) but i'm honestly kind of sick of just seeing straight smut on my feed. like it's fine when i'm in the mood but the tumblr algorithm for jjk feels like your partner constantly begging you for sex 24/7 lol. but yea power to whatever someone wants to read, but don't impose it on an author.

anywho i've been talking a lot ab this situation lolol i feel like there's nothing i haven't said anymore but i totally agree w everything you've said!

thanks sm for you lovely words of support bb :'') i love u tooo and i'm so blessed to have the community of support i have on here!! this situation has definitely made me realize i'm not alone. have a wonderful dayyy (also hope your period is treating you well) <3

[long-death-dazai]

All is forgiven, baby! Come on, get dressed

You're my date to the pep rally tonight!

You chucked me out like I was trash

For that you should be dead

But, but, but

Then it hit me like a flash

What if high school went away instead?

Those assholes are the key!

They're keeping you away from me!

They made you blind, messed up your mind

But I can set you free!

You left me and I fell apart

I punched the wall and cried

Bam, bam, bam!

Then I found you changed my heart

And set loose all that truthful shit inside

And so I built a bomb

Tonight our school is Vietnam!

Let's guarantee they never see their senior prom

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

Don't give up on me now

Finish what we've begun

I was meant to be yours

So when the high school gym goes "boom" with everyone inside

Pkhw, pkhw, pkhw!

In the rubble of their tomb

We'll plant this note explaining why they died

We, the students of Westerburg High

Will die

Our burned bodies may finally get through

To you

Your society churns out slaves and blanks

No, thanks

Signed the Students of Westerburg High

"Goodbye"

We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors

Bring marshmallows

We'll make s'mores

We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

I can't make it alone

Finish what we've begun

You were meant to be mine

I am all that you need

You carved open my heart

Can't just leave me to bleed

Veronica, open the, open the door, please

Veronica, open the door

Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please?

Can we not fight anymore?

Veronica, sure, you're scared

I've been there, I can set you free!

Veronica, don't make me come in there!

I'm gonna count to three!

One!

Two! Fuck it!

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Oh, my God

No! Veronica!

Please don't leave me alone

You were all I could trust

I can't do this alone

Still, I will if I must!

Veronica!

I brought you a snack!

Veronica?

Ahh!

-🇩🇪

.... This is incomprehensible- 😵‍💫 I didn't think I'd been with that many people since coming here what the fuck is happening. Who's Veronica??

[cookie-run-kingdom-story]

The Tri-Cone Cup: Chapter 2

Capsaicin Cookie: GAH! I’m so sorry I let you all down! Lil Pepper Cookie: Come on! Toughen up! This is only the beginning! You’re gonna crush them all! Students of Scovillia: Right! Now everybody knows how strong you are! Students of Scovillia: Yeah! We believe in you, Capsaicin Cookie! You’re gonna be the winner! Flaming Hot Wing: CLUCK! CLUUUUCK! Capsaicin Cookie: Thanks, y’all! Capsaicin Cookie: YEAH! There’s gonna be another chance to win! Capsaicin Cookie: Trust me, I’ll bring victory to Scovillia! Capsaicin Cookie: And then, we’re gonna have a feast here, all together!!! Capsaicin Cookie: I’m gonna show the world, that flaming hot is where it’s at! Students of Scovillia: YEAAAAH!

Meanwhile, Crème Knights’ Quarters

Crème Knights Trainees: Kouign-Amann Cookie! Serious Paladin Trainee: That cowardly wizard…! Using such dishonorable tricks to win! Honorable Paladin Trainee: He also had the nerve to lecture our Kouign-Amann Cookie! The nerve!!! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Please, stop…! Serious Paladin Trainee: Kouign-Amann Cookie…! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Do not say a word… I don’t want to hear about it…!

Creak… SLAM!

Crème Knights’ Quarters - Inner Chambers

Kouign-Amann Cookie: “Cowardly?” Even so, a victory is a victory…! Kouign-Amann Cookie: After all, he was right! Perhaps I thought too highly of myself as the champion of the Crème Knights… Kouign-Amann Cookie: Besides… Kouign-Amann Cookie: Did I even have a chance against the Scovillia champion…? Kouign-Amann Cookie: But I must win…! Everyone is expecting me to win…! Kouign-Amann Cookie: But… I’m not sure anymore, not after today.

Meanwhile, Parfaedian Quarters

Parfaedian Students: That was… a legit win, wasn’t it? Citrus Parfaedia Student: A win is a win, who cares! Berry Parfaedia Student: Hm… Clearly, potions have potential! I’ve never heard about that Sickness Potion though… Parfaedian Students: I gotta say, Prune Juice Cookie must’ve been pretty discreet about his little… operation. He could’ve had half of the Institute… expelled! Citrus Parfaedia Student: I wonder what his formula is…! Parfaedian Students: Aaanyhow, Prune Juice Cookie was lucky to win this time. But I still don’t believe he has what it takes to claim the cup! Berry Parfaedia Student: Yeah… Who knows! I guess we’ll see about that.

Gelato Trio Cookie: Ha ha ha! Good morning, esteemed guests! Gelato Trio Cookie: Ah, these ancient walls greet another dawn! Gelato Trio Cookie: The second trial has only one simple rule! The first champion to come out of the Harmony Grove… wins! Gelato Trio Cookie: But the task itself is far from simple! The grove is teeming with eerie shadows and dark secrets! Once you step under the mighty old branches, you’re on your own. Gelato Trio Cookie: It looks like our champions have already arrived at the grove’s edge! Gelato Trio Cookie: All-Seeing Jellyvisor, can we have the picture?

Capsaicin Cookie: I’m not gonna go easy on you today! Since last night, I’ve become even SPICIER! Prune Juice Cookie: Even spicier?! Oh goodness. What do I do! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Holy Light… I think I understand why they call you the Spice Overlord. Capsaicin Cookie: Hmpf. I’m not really fond of that name. I prefer my name, Capsaicin Cookie! Kouign-Amann Cookie: As you say. I’m going to win anyway! This is my chance to redeem myself! Gelato Trio Cookie: That was surely a cunning victory yesterday, Prune Juice Cookie! And a well-earned one! Gelato Trio Cookie: But who will emerge victorious this time? Gelato Trio Cookie, what do you think? Gelato Trio Cookie: Hmmm… Who knows! Since this is the second trial, perhaps… Gelato Trio Cookie: Would you look at the time! You’ll have another chance to voice your predictions! Gelato Trio Cookie: LET THE SECOND TRIAL BEGIN… RIGHT NOW!

Capsaicin Cookie: HYAH!

BOOM!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Hah!

CLANG!

Prune Juice Cookie: Ahh! Be careful, you two! It’s getting dangerous here in the back, you know! Kouign-Amann Cookie: We have Dry Fruits Bats chasing us, and now Sour String Spiders…! Your safety is the least of our concerns! Kouign-Amann Cookie: And for your information, we’re competing with each other here! Now stop complaining and come forward and fight! Prune Juice Cookie: Ha ha! But you two are doing such a great job getting rid of those obstacles! I’ll only get in your way, really! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Ugh… Whatever! Capsaicin Cookie: That’s it, I had enough. Out of my way! Prune Juice Cookie: Eek! Just a friendly reminder: it might be unwise to use your fire around all these trees…! Capsaicin Cookie: HYAH!

BANG!

Dry Fruit Bats: *shrieks* Prune Juice Cookie: …Ahem! I admit, it was rather effective! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Cough cough… Ugh, dust! You turned the whole place upside down! Prune Juice Cookie: Seriously, that Boom Fist of his gives me the chills whenever I see it! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Boom Fist…? Capsaicin Cookie: Did you just come up with that? I like it! Think I’m gonna steal that name!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Wait! Look, ahead! Prune Juice Cookie: Looks like we have three roads to choose from. Prune Juice Cookie: Nooo, don’t say the time to part ways with my stalwart protectors has finally come…! Oh, woe is me! Prune Juice Cookie: It means that each one of us must take their own path, right? Prune Juice Cookie: Oh well! Remember: the first Cookie to leave this nasty forest wins! So long, my friends! Ha ha. Kouign-Amann Cookie: Crafty rascal! But I’m not going to let him win again. This time, victory will be mine! Capsaicin Cookie: Ha ha ha ha! We shall see about that!

A while later…

Prune Juice Cookie: Ew… The road is getting narrower and the forest is getting darker! Creepy, even for a spooky old forest! Prune Juice Cookie: I don’t even know what to expect anymore, huh. Prune Juice Cookie: Hm? What… There’s something ahead…! Prune Juice Cookie: …A door? A door in the middle of the forest.

CREAK… Clunk!

Prune Juice Cookie: Huh! This place is even more creepy and decrepit on the inside! Very well, how are you gonna scare me now…? Prune Juice Cookie: …Oh? Prune Juice Cookie: Well, this is quite unexpected!

Same moment, different Hall of Mirrors

CREAK… Clunk!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: What is this place…?

Kouign-Amann Cookie: The entire hall is made of mirrors! Kouign-Amann Cookie: What kind of trial is this? Kouign-Amann Cookie: Alright! I’m prepared to face any foe! Know that Kouign-Amann Cookie never gives up nor surrenders! Kouign-Amann Cookie: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: Nobody…? Kouign-Amann Cookie: Oh? The entrance… disappeared…?!

Mirror Knight: I see you. The noble Paladin with dough imbued with the brightest rays of lights. Mirror Knight: Draw your sword! Prove that you are a knight that knows no defeat. Mirror Knight: For only a true Paladin may emerge victorious. Kouign-Amann Cookie: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: …I shall draw my sword, for a Paladin never backs down from a challenge! Kouign-Amann Cookie: (I was simply looking inside the mirror…!) Kouign-Amann Cookie: (You know the Code of the Crème Knights…! Are you… one of us?) Mirror Knight: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: Trials of mirrors of some sort, is it? Whatever it is, I am prepared to take it! Witness my victory! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Haaah…!

Capsaicin Cookie: …Am I walking in circles?! Capsaicin Cookie: Mirrors…! Mirrors everywhere! Capsaicin Cookie: I was looking at my reflection… But then… Capsaicin Cookie: My wrist…! IT HURTS! THE SHACKLES… ARE BACK?! Capsaicin Cookie: No…! No shackles! Not anymore…! I… I have learned how to control my power!!! Capsaicin Cookie: It’s true…! I can do it… Capsaicin Cookie: I… I did my best to contain my powers! I’ve never lost control…! Capsaicin Cookie: I’ve suppressed myself enough…! Please, no shackles…! Capsaicin Cookie: I beg… Please… NO!

BOOOOOM!

Meanwhile, different Hall of Mirrors

Dessert Magic Professor: Prune Juice Cookie. With a heavy heart, I must inform you… Prune Juice Cookie: Oh, not that old tune again! Dessert Magic Professor: …Without any doubt, you are one of the most diligent, most hard-working students… Prune Juice Cookie: Must you remind a Cookie of his traumatic past? That’s too much, even for me. Dessert Magic Professor: …However, the facts speak for themselves. Prune Juice Cookie: Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m pretty happy with my potions, you know. Let’s get over with the old unpleasant memories! Dessert Magic Professor: As your professor, I’ve done everything I could. But I must conclude that you are simply incapable of learning magic. Perhaps there are other… careers that you will find interesting? Prune Juice Cookie: Nothing more than a memory it might be, but it hurts just as much, professor.

Meanwhile, different Hall of Mirrors

Clang!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Aah! Mirror Knight: A fight is over once a Paladin loses her sword. You have lost eight times. Mirror Knight: Say it. Admit your defeat. Mirror Knight: Or perhaps you still harbor your delusions? That you can win this battle? Kouign-Amann Cookie: (No… No, I don’t think I can…) Kouign-Amann Cookie: (Time after time, I lost. But…) Kouign-Amann Cookie: (But… I don’t want to admit it.) Mirror Knight: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: Because as a Paladin… I simply will not give up! Mirror Knight: But…

Clang! Clang! Clang!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Gahah…!

CLANG!

Mirror Knight: You are trembling. Mirror Knight: I sense hestitation* in every swing, in every step.

*actual text

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Ugh… Mirror Knight: This is the ninth time. Mirror Knight: A Paladin must know when to yield. A tenet of the Crème Paladins yet unknown to you. Mirror Knight: Go ahead. Say it. Admit your defeat. Kouign-Amann Cookie: I… I can’t…!

CLANG!

Mirror Knight: Tenth. If it were your life at stake, it would have been long but over. Kouign-Amann Cookie: (I hate it… I hate that I cannot admit my defeat…!) Kouign-Amann Cookie: (But you are correct… I’ve been defeated… Ten times… Ten harrowing times…) Mirror Knight: Say it. Kouign-Amann Cookie: (…But that’s why…) Mirror Knight: Admit your defeat. Kouign-Amann Cookie: (The more I think about it…)

Kouign-Amann Cookie: The less I’m afraid of losing. Kouign-Amann Cookie: The only thing that was proven is that you are simply more skilled! I can still move my arms and legs! I can still keep fighting! Mirror Knight: … Kouign-Amann Cookie: How foolish of me. Kouign-Amann Cookie: True defeat is only when one gives up…! Mirror Knight: Denial of truth… Desperate delusions… Mirror Knight: This is not the way of a Paladin from the Crème Knights! Kouign-Amann Cookie: I don’t care! Kouign-Amann Cookie: For I shall fight until my last crumb! Kouign-Amann Cookie: A Paladin who does NOT fear defeat! This is MY way!

Clang! Clang! Clang!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Huff… huff… Mirror Knight: Why, Kouign-Amann Cookie? Why do you persist? Your dress is in tatters. And nothing will change the outcome. Kouign-Amann Cookie: No, but everything else has changed. I’ve learned a lot about you, and… Kouign-Amann Cookie: I shall keep fighting… until the very end!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: HYAH!

CLANG!!!

Mirror Knight: Ugh…!

Mirror Knight: …Indeed, you have grown. Mirror Knight: You defeated me this time. Victory is yours. Mirror Knight: Take it. The Mark of Victory.

Mirror Knight: Go and stay true to your beliefs.

Crack… crack…

CRASH!

x

Kouign-Amann Cookie: So what if my dress is ruined! Kouign-Amann Cookie: I can look myself in the mirror and smile, knowing that I gave it everything I had! Crème Knights Trainees: HOOORAAAAY! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Huh…?

Gelato Trio Cookie: KOUIGN-AMANN COOKIE WAS THE FIRST TO COME OUT! SHE IS THE WINNER OF THE SECOND TRIAL! Gelato Trio Cookie: The second trial will be officially over once the two other champions… HUH? Students of Scovillia: L-LOOK! Capsaicin Cookie’s Hall of Mirrors… Students of Scovillia: IS ON FIRE!!!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: What?! Scovillia Student Fan: C-CAPSAICIN COOKIE…! Gelato Trio Cookie: Since we already have our winner decided, we will execute our extraordinary right to intervene! Gelato Trio Cookie: Dispatch the Rescue Gelatos! Gelato Trio Cookie: I’d like to ask our esteemed audience to remain calm, as it is absolutely impossible for the fire to reach your seats! Our specialists will contain the situation within ten minutes! Crème Knights Trainees: K-kouign-Amann Cookie!? Gelato Trio Cookie: Oh! Looks like Kouign-Amann COokie has another plan! Gelato Trio Cookie: The Crème Knights’ champion is headed towards… Prune Juice Cookie’s Hall of Mirrors!

Dessert Magic Professor: I am certain that a bright young Cookie such as yourself can excel at… ahem… almost any field! And I will do all in my power to help you set on a new path. Prune Juice Cookie: Hm, what was it I said back then…? Prune Juice Cookie: No, can’t remember… Prune Juice Cookie: Professor, you mentioned… “almost any field.” Naturally, that is excluding the study of magic and such? Prune Juice Cookie: No talent for one thing, no luck with others… Prune Juice Cookie: So what exactly are you suggesting that I do, hm? Dessert Magic Professor: … Prune Juice Cookie: Yes, yes… I know. You’ve done everything you could for me. Prune Juice Cookie: After all, it’s my dough’s fault that I have no magic abilities. Dessert Magic Professor: I’m sorry… If I could share some of my magic with you, I would do it without a doubt! Prune Juice Cookie: Oh well. There’s no need. Prune Juice Cookie: You know it’s not possible. Prune Juice Cookie: But don’t worry too much about me, professor. Like I said, I’ve been doing pretty good with my potions. Prune Juice Cookie: And have you heard? I was chosen as the champion of the Parfaedia Institute! For the Triple Cone Cup! Prune Juice Cookie: So… With all that being said… I think it’s time for me to go! Prune Juice Cookie: Frankly speaking, this conversation is not pleasant at all. Prune Juice Cookie: Looks like the goal was to… face the demons from your past! Guess I can check that one off! Prune Juice Cookie: I guess this is the moment where I magically find my old scrolls and spellbooks and tear them apart into millions of little pieces once again? …No?

Crack… crack…

CRASH!

Prune Juice Cookie: Oh? But I didn’t even do anything yet!? Kouign-Amann Cookie: Prune Juice Cookie, I need your help! Prune Juice Cookie: My help? Prune Juice Cookie: Wait, but you’re already here, so… I take it that the winner has already been decided? Kouign-Amann Cookie: Yes, you’re right! And if you’re all done here, please follow me! Capsaicin Cookie is in grave danger! Prune Juice Cookie: What? In grave danger? HIM?! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Yes! Let’s go! Prune Juice Cookie: Oh… Sure! …I’m coming!

Prune Juice Cookie: Would you look at that...! Prune Juice Cookie: Is HE really in danger here? To me, it looks like EVERYTHING ELSE is in danger! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Both of them are in danger! Do you still have that potion that you used in the first trial?! Prune Juice Cookie: Do I look like some magical potion cabinet to you? The one that gives you a potion of your requirement? Kouign-Amann Cookie: Well, sort of! Prune Juice Cookie: That’s actually true. Prune Juice Cookie never comes unprepared! Prune Juice Cookie: I do happen to carry a special tincture that allows the user to swim in a bubbling lava! Prune Juice Cookie: I call it… the I’ll Be Back Potion! Kouign-Amann Cookie: …That’s… a very hopeful name. Prune Juice Cookie: Rest assured, it works! Prune Juice Cookie: But! It works for no longer than three minutes! You’ll have to be quick. Kouign-Amann Cookie: That will do! Just to double-check… are you coming with me? Prune Juice Cookie: Oh no no no! A fragile little Cookie like me should stay here. Instead, I’m gonna mess around and stop the flames from spreading.

Capsaicin Cookie: I’ve been suppressing my flames forever…!!! Capsaicin Cookie: So that I… I wouldn’t hurt anyone! Capsaicin Cookie: Holding back… to WHAT END! I’ve been restraining my powers so that I wouldn’t hurt anyone…! Capsaicin Cookie: No longer… Capsaicin Cookie: I WON’T BE SHACKLED ANY LONGER! Capsaicin Cookie: Yes… These… these flimsy old chains will melt away in no second… Capsaicin Cookie: I can get rid of them, like I did before…! Capsaicin Cookie: And burn… BURN IT ALL!!!!

WHOOOOOSH!

Capsaicin Cookie: YES, BURN! Capsaicin Cookie: GRAAAAAH!

Crack… crack…

???: …caici… ookie! Capsaicin Cookie: GAAAAAH!

Crack…

???: Caps… in… kie…

CRASH!

Capsaicin Cookie: Argh!! Kouign-Amann Cookie: CAPSAICIN COOKIE! Capsaicin Cookie: YOU… WHAT ARE YOU…?! WHERE… WHAT?! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Come to your senses!!! Capsaicin Cookie: MY SHACKLES… ARE NO MORE. Kouign-Amann Cookie: The trial is over! Take my hands, we must leave! Capsaicin Cookie: LEAVE… here? But I… I was looking in the mirror… Kouign-Amann Cookie: By the Light! You used all your strength to summon all this lava! What in the world did you see in that mirror?! Kouign-Amann Cookie: There’s no other option! If I must carry you on my back, I will!

Kouign-Amann Cookie: Thank the Light that the mirrors could be broken from outside! Prune Juice Cookie: Kouign-Amann Cookie! I’ve been taking care of the fire… Prune Juice Cookie: What happened to Capsa… Huh?! Kouign-Amann Cookie, BEHIND YOU! Prune Juice Cookie: Something is coming out of the hall! A burning… chain?! Kouign-Amann Cookie: RUN! Prune Juice Cookie: …But I’m too tired to run! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Seriously…?

Kouign-Amann Cookie: What would you two do without me?! Prune Juice Cookie: Sheesh, is that something to say to the Cookie who gracefully provided you with a potion that saved the day? Capsaicin Cookie: … Gelato Trio Cookie: UNBELIEVABLE! Gelato Trio Cookie: The winner of the second trial, Kouign-Amann Cookie, has also rescued her two rivals! Gelato Trio Cookie: Let us offer a generous round of applause to the bravery and selflessness of this champion! Students: HOOOOORAAAAY!

Crème Knights’ Quarters

Serious Paladin Trainee: Kouign-Amann Cookie! You were amazing today! Kouign-Amann Cookie: M-my friends… Honorable Paladin Trainee: Not only did you pass the trial with flying colors, you also paved your own path as a paladin! Kouign-Amann Cookie: …Of course! Serious Paladin Trainee: You are everything a true Paladin should be! Kouign-Amann Cookie: …I’m sorry about yesterday. But thank you, truly! Kouign-Amann Cookie: I wouldn’t have gotten this far if not for your support. Crème Knights Preceptor: You have demonstrated that you are worthy of being a Paladin! Kouign-Amann Cookie: Preceptor…! Crème Knights Preceptor: A Paladin never walks a well-trodden path! Crème Knights Preceptor: To push ahead in this wide world under the banner of the Divine Light… Such is the way of a Paladin of the Crème Knights. Crème Knights Preceptor: And it seems that you have discovered a banner of your own indeed, Kouign-Amann Cookie. Crème Knights Preceptor: Keep walking that path, young one! And be the beacon of light to others. Kouign-Amann Cookie: Yes, preceptor! This trial has opened my eyes. I can feel it in my dough… The light within me feels stronger! Kouign-Amann Cookie: My fellow Paladins! I shall do it for the Crème Knights, for all of you, and for myself…! Kouign-Amann Cookie: I shall bring us victory!

Meanwhile, Parfaedian Quarters

Parfaedian Students: … Berry Parfaedia Student: Prune Juice Cookie hasn’t left his room since the end of the trial… Citrus Parfaedia Student: I think he’s busy preparing new potions! Berry Parfaedia Student: I want to offer my help… But I don’t know if I should… Parfaedia Principal: Is everything alright, students? Is there a problem? Citrus Parfaedia Student: Oh… H-hello, ma’am! Prune Juice Cookie… He… Parfaedia Principal: Looks like facing the past has taken a greater toll on Prune Juice Cookie than he would like to admit… Parfaedia Principal: But, I believe it will be a good opportunity for him to grow. It is very important to realize that “overcome” and “get over” are two different words… Parfaedia Principal: Let us wait, my young friends! Perhaps, it is better if we gave Prune Juice Cookie some time to reflect on the events of today… Parfaedia Principal: Prune Juice Cookie… I only hope that you achieve all your goals at the end of this trial..

Parfaedia Quarters - Inner Chambers

Prune Juice Cookie: Let’s face it, my potions are all I have… Prune Juice Cookie: What if Kouign-Amann Cookie didn’t come for me today…? What if I had to use my potions to solve this crisis…? Prune Juice Cookie: Ha ha… Looks like I;m in her debt now… Prune Juice Cookie: I must make more potions. Greater quantities in all sorts… Prune Juice Cookie: I must be prepared to solve any problems…!

Meanwhile, Scovillia Quarters

Capsaicin Cookie: (I can’t look them in their eyes…) Capsaicin Cookie: (The biggest problem of all is not in the fact that I lacked skill or have let my school down…) Lil Pepper Cookie: CAPSAICIN COOKIE! Are you alright?! Hot Scovillia Student: We were so scared when Kouign-Amann Cookie brought you here! Capsaicin Cookie: My friends… I’m sorry. I should’ve… Scovillia Headmaster: No, stop it! Stop sulking! Keep your chin up! You’ve done more than well! Scovillia Headmaster: No matter what you went through, you will always remain the pride of Scovillia! Spicy Scovillia Student: Yeah! We just got a bit scared, is all! Scovillia Student Fan: And the tournament is far from over yet! Flaming Hot Wing: Cluck… Flaming Hot Wing: CLUUUUUUUUUCK! Capsaicin Cookie: …! Capsaicin Cookie: (That’s right… the biggest problem is…) Lil Pepper Cookie: Huh… What? Hot Wing, what’s the matter? Flaming Hot Wing: Cluuuck! C-C-C-CLUUUCK! Scovillia Student Fan: Calm down!!! Spicy Scovillia Student: What’s wrong with you! That’s your friend, Capsaicin Cookie! Lil Pepper Cookie: Looks like Hot Wing got too worked up with all that happened… Capsaicin Cookie: (This anxiety in me… that if I don’t suppress the fire within me… I might end up burning everything around me to ashes…) Lil Pepper Cookie: We’ll take care of Hot Wing. You go and have some rest! Capsaicin Cookie: …Thank you.

[disillusioned-phantasma]

“No,” you repeated, firm, and wriggled your way out from under his stupidly strong grip.

“Wahhh, you’re no fun,” he pouted.

“I don’t want to be your kind of fun,” you snipped. Other students were starting to crowd the hallways, and at one point you might have thought that allotted you some kind of safety. But no. Not at this stupid school, with its stupid lack of morality and building codes. And especially not with Floyd of all people shadowing you. Even the foulest faces turned tail when they caught sight of his pointed grin.

And then, just around the corner there was a familiar flash of crimson.

The Heartslabyul Housewarden lifted a hand like he meant to wave to you, but you saw the exact moment he realized just who exactly who was hanging off your back like a literal leech. He froze, fingers half-uncurled, and you saw the panic in is silver eyes. ‘Don’t you dare,’ that look said. ‘I’m so sorry,’ you mouthed before taking a deep breath.

“Wow, would you look at that! Heya, Riddle!”

Riddle immediately went as red as his hair, but Floyd took the bait. The eel-man cooed and clapped his hands together excitedly.

“If it isn’t my long-lost Goldfish!”

“DON’T YOU TOUCH ME!” Riddle roared, already half-spun around as he tried to make a hasty retreat into the depths of the hallway.

“But, Goldy!” Floyd bemoaned, lips spread eerily wide in his trademark leer. “Wahh, if you won’t come over here, I’ll just have to come get you!”

“NO!”

With that, the shark-toothed student bounded along down the hall—prancing through terrified students as Moses had once parted the Red Sea. You crossed yourself, just for good measure, and silently sent Riddle your well wishes. You would have to bribe Trey into making him a dozen apology tarts. You already owed the Vice Housewarden so many favors, but he never seemed too bothered when you came knocking at his door. You would bring him the ingredients of course, and maybe a nice, new, toothbrush set or two. Maybe offer to make him some of those candied violets he loved so much—There was a boom-boom-crash somewhere in the distance, and Riddle’s enraged scream echoed through the halls. You mentally began tallying up the cost for two dozen tarts.

.

.

.

The next time you ran into Floyd, Jade was with him.

Which, of course, was not in itself entirely unusual. The wicked, predatory, grin pinching the former’s cheeks was also nothing out of the ordinary—especially around lunch time. There was a vicious sort of gleam in the eel’s mismatched eyes that set your hackles on edge, and you narrowed your own eyes at the pair suspiciously.

“What do you want?” Grim garbled through a mouth full of tuna casserole.

The pair slid neatly into a set of vacant seats on the opposite side of the cafeteria table.

“Can’t a guy just want to say ‘hiya’ to his favorite Shrimpy in the whole wide world?” Floyd beamed. He slouched forward so he could comfortably prop himself up on one elbow. “Besides, it’s got to be a bit lonely without your little ghosty around to haunt you, huh?”

“She’s taking her lunch in the Mostro Lounge,” you said matter-of-factly. Caterina had excitedly bobbed about all morning, rambling about introducing Azul to the Southern Wonders of fritters, and gravy, and deep-fried butter. ‘It’s about the culture!’ the brunette had declared proudly as she busily stuffed her tote bag with jugs of frying oil. ‘It’s about the pancreatitis,’ you had grumped silently.

“Ahh, we know, we know,” Floyd trilled. “Our great leader kicked us out into the cold, harsh, world all on our own. He’s lucky we like her so much, otherwise a guy might start to get a bit resentful, y’know?”

Jade hummed in affirmation, and took a dainty bite of his risotto.

“It must be nice to have such a lovely confidante,” the more composed twin mused, shooting you one of his patented softly twisting smirks. “You must tell each other everything.”

You poked at your own plate of half-eaten spaghetti—partly to keep your hands busy, but mostly to make sure you had a fork in hand in case you needed to stab one of them in the eye to make a hasty escape.   

Grim snorted. “They never shut up, is what they do. You freaks, and your stupid Octo-boss, and his—”

You pushed him off the table and he fell to the floor with a yowl.

“Hey!” Grim whined at the same moment Jade’s smirk curled into something menacing, and you knew you’d already lost.

“She talks about Azul then?” the eel beamed.

You stabbed at your spaghetti harder.

“No answer can be an answer too,” he continued, leaning forward across the table with that same, frozen, smile. His pointed teeth snapped just a bit too close to the skin on your cheek when he spoke. “Would you mind slaking my curiosity about a few things? Purely business of course. We have to look out for Azul’s best interest after all.”

You were going to have to stab him. You were going to have to throw your cold pasta in his newly stabbed face and run faster than you’d ever run before. And then they’d still catch you, because they were fast, and tall, and terrifying and you were short, and stout, and utterly magicless in a world saturated with the stuff. So, no. You should probably keep the fork to stab yourself with. It wouldn’t be a clean death, let alone an honorable one, but—

You were yanked up and out of your seat before you could even think to scream.

“Oi, herbivore, where’s the stupid food you promised me?”

The whiplash almost sent your head spinning right off your neck and straight to the floor. But the hand gripping your arm was not pale and too-slick. It was tanned, and familiar, and wrapped in strands of colorful beads and leathers. You could see Floyd’s grumpy pout in your periphery as you were bodily dragged out of the lunchroom—your abductor loudly complaining about morons and starvation the whole while.

The double doors shut behind you both with a resounding thud and Leona released his death grip on your wrist.

“Jeesh, take a breath, idiot. You look like you’re gonna’ vomit.”

“I think I might,” you slurred.

The lion went pale and took a few hurried steps backwards. “Aim that shit at me, and you die.”

You swayed a few too many times and decided that leaning against the wall would not be too demeaning all things considered.

After taking a moment to slow your breathing and let your mind chew over the last few minutes, you finally had enough wherewithal to look back over at your savior. The grumbly beastman had taken up residence against the wall opposite, seated comfortably on the carpeted floor and tail swishing at his side.

“What the fuck was that?” he snipped. “What’d you do to piss off the Octopunk?”

“Nothing. I mean—Nothing I can think of. Lately. Just. I think…” Your brow furrowed, before your eyes widened and you muttered softly to yourself, “I think they’re shovel talking me. By proxy.”

Leona with his stupid fluffy cat ears and stupid cat hearing that could probably pick up your whispers if you were another hallway over, just nodded—clearly bored—but comprehending. “Ah. The other idiot.”

Your head snapped up and you fought the urge to point at him in accusation. “You knew too?!”

He scoffed. “It’s not like the Octopunk is fucking subtle. Everyone knows.”

“Everyone but Caterina apparently,” you grumbled, burying your head back in your hands. “Oh my god. Are they going to keep this up until she realizes? Because I cannot do this forever, and sooner or later they’re going to just give up and eat me—”

“Relax, herbivore,” Leona cut in with a yawn. “You’ll be fine. You normally have more than enough meat shields lurking around to throw at them. Maybe you’ll even give the freaks food poisoning,” he snickered. “But speaking of, where are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum?” the big-cat grumped. “Normally all you idiots are fucking connected at the hip. I don’t want to have to do this shit again because those idiots wandered off into a ditch or something.”

“We were making hair dye potions with Crewel this morning,” you mumbled. “And when Deuce wasn’t looking, Ace dyed his hair red, so Deuce dyed Ace’s hair blue, and then they blew up the lab.” You could see Leona’s lip twitching like he was about to start howling obscenities to the wind. “So they had to stay after to scrub the floors.”

“Fucking idiots.”

“I know.”

“That includes you.”

“I know.”

You both sat in silence for another few minutes before Leona stood with a long, lithe, stretch.

“Whatever. They’re not going to actually kill you or anything, so get over it.”

Oh, if only you could be so optimistic. And besides, there were worse things than death. Psychological torture was surely only one bullet point on Jade’s extensive list of misery.

“Besides,” he continued with a drawl, “as much as I hate him, I doubt that fucking horned bastard would let them get away with anything.”

You tilted your head, confused. That certainly seemed to have come out of left field. “Why would Malleus care about that?”

Leona rolled his eyes so far up into his skull that you were almost worried he was about to have a stroke and collapse to the floor. He sighed, clearly long-suffering and far-too-put-upon. “Whatever. You’re all fucking idiots.”

He turned and walked away with a dramatic flick of his tail.

“Thank you!” you hurriedly called after him. He lifted a hand to wave you off, unbothered. “And I didn’t actually forget that chicken dish you asked about! I was just going to bring it to you later when I knew you’d be skipping class!”

Another over-the-shoulder-wave, this one perhaps a smidge less exasperated. “Whatever, herbivore.”

.

.

.

 “How was lunch?” you asked.

Caterina had positively floated back into Ramshackle that night. Because of course lunch had turned into afternoon tea and studying, which had turned into dinner, then dessert, and coffee, and late-night snacks—and it was just easier to ask about lunch at that point.

“He loved everything!” the brunette gushed. “And the Lounge cooks are the best, and they made everything taste so good. It was amazing! And I always feel so bad,” she rambled, “because Azul never lets me pay for anything when I’m there, but at the same time, it’s his business? So I feel bad taking advantage of his hospitality like that. But also I don’t want to shove money at him either, because that also feels rude, you know? And I like him a lot, so I don’t want to ruin anything, so I’m just being very cautious, but also myself. If that makes sense. And besides, if books taught me anything, it’s that I should be really careful to be genuine around people like him, you know?”

You did not know.

You weren’t sure you wanted to know. So you just nodded along as Caterina talked about barbecue rubs, and note-taking, and the board game they played once they’d finished putting together dozens of lists of bullet points.

It was past midnight by the time she’d started to wind down. At this point, the brunette was more or less repeating the same beats, fawning over the same highs, for a third or fourth, or fifth time, so you felt it was finally safe to interject a bit. 

“So,” you hummed, breaking off the corner of a tortilla chip between your teeth, “Azul is amazing.”

Caterina beamed, all warm and pink, and you took a silent moment to question each and every person who had ever thought to call your friend ‘emotionless’ or ‘stone faced.’ Because the heat coming off the brunette’s cheeks could have melted the icecaps, and her smile was almost so sappy it verged on nauseating to look at. You wanted simultaneously to coax that happiness like a small flame—watching it grow into a roaring bonfire of ridiculous infatuation and joy—but also maybe instead throw her out the window and leave her to pine out on Ramshackle’s crusty ass lawn. Because ew. Emotions.

“What do you think of Floyd and Jade?” you asked instead.

Caterina swallowed her own mouthful of chip chunks and tapped her chin, looking thoughtful. “They’re pretty nice. Or, well. They’re weird, but they’re nice to me at least.”

You waited.

Caterina reached for the bowl of chips.

You waited some more.

Caterina starting meandering over to the fridge to fish around for a soda.

“And…?” you pressed.

“And what?” Caterina repeated, looking perplexed. “They’re pleasant, but creepy. They’re Azul’s friends, and they’re nice to me when I visit the Lounge. What else is there to say?”

You thought of the fork from lunch, still tucked away in a pocket of your backpack because you’d been too embarrassed to return it after bolting from the cafeteria. You thought of twisting grins on mouths full of shark’s teeth, and of that whole ‘scenting blood on the water’ expression that you’d never really thought would be very applicable to your life as long as you stayed in the boat. Then you thought of pink-cheeked smiles and tote bags stuffed full of frying oil.

You sighed and waved your hand. “Nothing. Forget it. What kind of barbecue rub did you say the cook used again?”

“Oh you’ll never believe it,” she immediately starting gushing all over again, “it tasted just like Sonny’s somehow! Which is crazy because I know I described it to him a couple times, but still!—"

As Caterina happily planned out her future lunch dates, you began to plan for funeral expenses. Because by now you owed Trey so much money for all the sympathy tarts he’d had to bake for Riddle that you weren’t really sure you were even going to be able to even afford a coffin at this point.

.

.

.

The third time Floyd and Jade slithered out from the shadows, Ace and Deuce were with you.

“Good morning, Shrimpy!” Floyd beamed, moving to toss a gangly arm across your shoulders. “Your friend is quite the catch, yeah?”

You looked to your companions for help, but they too appeared to have been paralyzed in terror.

Meat shields indeed. You were going to beat Leona with his own tail.

“Is she in good health?” Jade popped in, leaning far too close and smiling far too wide. “No recent brushes with mortality?” He paused, looking amused. “Except for the obvious, of course.”

You gulped.

“Uhm… She’s… fine.”

Jade nodded sagely. “Good, good. That’s good.”

“Of course it’s good!” Floyd grinned, rocking back on his heels and nearly sending you toppling over in the process. “But we gotta’ make sure everything’s in tip top shape, yeah? You get that right?”

Your head spun.

“Uh—”

“Any allergies?” Jade piped in. “Any reactions to medications? Any history of exposure to rabid animals?”

“Uh—”

“You guys are freaking creeps!” Deuce squawked, seeming to finally shake himself out of his panic induced stasis. “You can’t just go around asking for someone’s medical history like that! Think of the confidentiality agreements you’re breaking!”

You wanted to die. “Dude. That’s not the point—”

“Yeah!” Ace shouted, also taking this glorious moment to surge forward. “Why do you sound like the bad guys in a comic movie trying to figure out the hero’s weaknesses?!”

Silence.

You gulped.

The pair of vicious, carnivorous, eels stared on with matching smiles—teeth too white, too sharp, and too, too, close.

Ace and Deuce withered where they stood, flaming confidence seemingly sapped out of them in one go.

After a moment, Jade sighed and his frigid grin melted back into his usual, self-satisfied, smirk. “Well, looks like you’ve caught us out.”

“Awww, you’re never any fun, Shrimpy!” Floyd bemoaned, squishing you so hard against his side, you were a bit worried you might just pop. He grinned down at you and winked. “But you’ll still tell us, yeah?”

You weren’t sure if your tongue was working anymore, so your just shook her head slowly back and forth.

Floyd sighed dramatically. “Wahhh, all you land dwellers are so stupidly loyal. Don’t get me wrong! It’s kinda nice, but right now it’s just frustrating.”

He released his death grip on your shoulders and you spiraled downwards into an inelegant pile in the dirt.

“Apologies for the inconvenience,” Jade smiled. “We’ll be seeing you.”

“Yeah! See you tomorrow, Shrimpy!” Floyd waved, flouncing off merrily alongside his brother. It was like watching a pair of devils returning to Hell after a brief vacation topside.

The trio stared after their antagonists’ retreating forms for far too long. One bell rang, then another. The sun rose high in the sky, too warm and too bright. Finally, you sat up. You pawed uselessly at the patched knees on Deuce’s uniform.

“I feel like we just outpaced the grim reaper.”

He nodded mutely in agreement.

“You should have dropped a cauldron on them,” Ace muttered, still looking far too pale.

Deuce immediately bristled. “Well excuse me for not acting more appropriately while you were over there practically pissing yourself!”

And ah, the color in Ace’s face came back real quick when he lunged at Deuce with a battle cry.

“Hey!” Caterina called, bounding over with a stack of notebooks. She trotted up to the rumbling duo. “What’s going on with them this time?”

You just shook your head. There were no words to politely describe the horrors which you all had just survived. At least, not in any sort of polite way that wouldn��t also indirectly insult a certain octopus mafioso.

Caterina shrugged. “Alright then. I didn’t see you in class. Anything wrong?”

“I just had a religious experience,” you said. A demonic encounter—just short of possession.

Caterina’s brow shot up. “You definitely look shaken.”

“To my core.”

Another shrug. “Good for you I guess. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you all wanted to come to lunch at the Lounge with me! We’re taste testing a bunch of new barbecue recipes, and the more mouths the better.”

Ace and Deuce froze, like a pair of scuffling cats who’d just had a bucket of ice water upended on them. The duo shot to their feet faster than you had ever seen either of them move.

“Thanks! But—”

“—we both have to—to—uh—”

“—go back to the dorm, and—”

“—ah, paint!—”

“—the roses!—”

“—yeah! The roses!—"

“See you!” “Bye!”

They shot off in a cloud of dust and betrayal, and Caterina stared after them with a furrowed brow. Her lips pulled downwards into a consternated frown.

“You know,” she mumbled, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were actually scared of going to the Octavinelle dorms.”

You collapsed back into the dirt with a groan.

.

.

.

You always looked forward to your late nights with the Gargoyle Studies Club. Could it actually be called a club if it was only two people? Whatever. You weren’t normally a fan of the dark (read: total wuss who would use a nightlight until the day you died), but with your tall, horned, friend walking at your side, you felt like the darkness was your bitch, rather than the other way around.

But tonight, the normally entrancing architecture was nothing but another shadowed nook hiding who-knew-what. Every snarling, stone, façade just made you think of other snarling faces—of those jagged teeth and smiles, and horribly strange motives that you couldn’t really parse out.

To the left of you, a shadow stretched and grew. Something was in there, hiding, just waiting to jump out and grab her, and—

You squeaked, fingers clutching at your sleeves.

A raven shuffled forward from the darkness, readjusting its wings before settling back in to roost.

You huffed and burrowed further into your jacket with a shiver. This was pathetic. You couldn’t live the rest of your life like this. You were going to have to go to Professor Crewel and ask if he knew of a magical equivalent of Prozac. Or horse tranquilizers.

“Are you cold, Child of Man?”

You looked over at Malleus, feeling guilty. This club meant so much to him, and here you were probably ignoring everything he was saying because you were so caught up in your own head. The dark Fae had his arm held out awkwardly in your direction and immediately you felt more guilty.

“You can walk with me, if you’d like,” he said. “I’m not the warmest creature, but…”

You hurriedly waved him off. “No, no, no! It’s alright! You don’t have to trouble yourself! I’m not cold, just… uhm… distracted.”

He nodded, looking solemn, and slowly lowered his arm back to his side. “What has your mind so tangled this evening then, if I may ask?”

“I don’t want to bother you…” you mumbled. “It’s kind of stupid.”

He smiled that awkwardly small and stiff smile of his that made your stomach do stupid things. “It’s no trouble, I assure you. No matter how insignificant you may think this problem is, if it’s bothering you, it is something worth addressing.”

You nodded, grateful. Right. Of course. He wouldn’t have offered to help if he hadn’t meant it.

“I’m worried that I’m going to be killed and eaten if I don’t spill my best friend’s deepest, darkest, secrets.”

Malleus almost tripped over his own feet.

“What?”

“I… Uhm… I’m worried that I’m going to be killed and eaten if I don’t—”

He waved you off, looking more frazzled than you’d ever seen him. “No, I heard that part. I just… Give me a moment.”

You waited patiently, fighting not to fidget in the silence.

After a moment, Malleus lifted his head, looking gravely serious.

“You believe your life to be in danger?”

“I—Well. A bit.”

“And that you will be killed and eaten?”

“Uhm… Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” you mumbled. It did sound ridiculous when someone else was saying it out loud. “But, well… yes.”

“I’m going to send Sebek to guard you while I look into this,” he said firmly.

“Sebek…?” You repeated, feeling a sudden chill crawling up your spine. The green haired fae had never seemed to like you much. You’d only really interacted him once—during the whole incident surrounding Savanaclaw’s shadiness and the Spelldrive. After that, you’d only really made eye-contact with him from across hallways, or from different corners of the court gardens. Despite saying maybe three sentences to the dude in total, it seemed like each time you both ran into each other he was angrier. Like you’d spit in his cheerios and then dumped the bowl on his head. Oh god. How many people on this campus hated you? Was it everyone? It felt like everyone. How many super powered, magic wielding, demon people wanted your head on a spike? You were probably better off just running off into the woods with a potato sack filled with dried bread to ration and never coming back—

“—Do you understand?”

You blinked. Oh no. You’d been ignoring him. Again.

“Uhm. Yes?”

The fae nodded, stern, and turned back to the stone path. “Good. I’ll get this figured out. I promise you.”

You nodded again, not really having the heart to object.

.

.

.

“How was your date?” Caterina crooned around a spoonful of chocolate tart.

“How’s your octopus boyfriend?” you shot back, toeing off your boots.

Caterina turned back to her tart with a grumble and red cheeks.

.

.

.

Sebek showed up the next morning bright and early, looking as annoyingly constipated as always.

“I am here on the orders of my young master!” he boomed. Loudly. Directly over your head. At the ass end of 8AM. 

Caterina looked up from her place sprawled on the couch. First, her glower fell on the vibrating, emerald, monstrosity standing in their living room, then to her flustered friend.

“Will you be here every morning?” the brunette asked.

“For as long as my young master wishes it!”

You swore you could see the windowpanes rattle when he spoke.

Caterina nodded and took a long, long, drag from her coffee. She turned towards you with a smile that promised all kinds of heinous things.

“I’m going to kill your dumbass dragon,” she said, perfectly chipper.

Sebek gasped and immediately began to rattle off every righteously indignant retaliation in his repertoire. There was lots of arm waving, and stomping, and the commotion even had Grim rolling down the stairs a full hour before his usual wakeup call.

“Look at that,” you sighed, taking a sip from your own mug as Sebek continued to screech. “You broke him.”

Caterina scoffed. “Yeah, I wish.”

.

.

.

The next time the twins appeared, there was an actual meat shield standing in the way. A very pointy, very green, meat shield.

“Did you make a new friend, Shrimpy?” Floyd drawled, looking a bit too feral. “Hello again, Little Crocodile.”

“We are acquaintances, by order of my young Lord Malleus!” Sebek thundered, clasping his hands firmly behind his back.

Jade looked entertained in the way that one may look upon a feral animal with some degree of amusement. His mismatched eyes scanned Sebek from top to bottom, and you shuddered on the fae’s behalf. The green haired man stood firm—unbothered by the optical filleting or unaware, you could not tell.

“Well then,” the eel hummed, “we won’t keep you long. Have you thought on our inquiry, Miss Shrimp?”

Oh, so it was Miss Shrimp now, was it?

You puffed up, a bit more emboldened knowing that if one of them tried to bite you, Sebek would at least stand in the way. And Sebek looked like he would be very hard to chew. “The answer is no.”

“No you haven’t thought about it?” Jade asked, a bit too patronizingly. “Or ‘no,’ you still refuse to cooperate?”

“No,” you repeated, firm. “Besides, Caterina doesn’t have any weaknesses.”

Jade’s brow shot upwards. “No? Hmm… That’s interesting.”

And with that, the twins slithered back off from whence they came. Sebek stared after them with cold eyes and a squared jaw, and for a moment he reminded you a bit of a Doberman. Maybe you could forgive his early morning wakeup calls. At least a little. Leona always seemed to rib the guardian of Diasomnia—jabbing cruelly at his hair cut, his emotional intelligence or lack thereof, the very obvious stick wedged up his ass… But maybe Leona’s harsh words had been just words after all. Maybe Sebek wasn’t so bad.

“I think,” the fae said, slow as molasses and just as awkwardly sticky, “that they may have been coming on to you, miss.”

You dropped your head into your hands.

“Let’s just go to class.”

.

.

.

“What did you mean earlier when you said that Caterina has no weaknesses?”

Deuce shot a whole foot in the air and Ace squealed at a pitch fit to shatter glass.

“You can’t—You can’t just do that!” the pair squawked. “Don’t just pop out of nowhere like some kind of freaky ghost!”

Jade smiled. He was flying solo this time around, which somehow made things even more unsettling. Because yes, while Floyd was openly a few fries short of a Happy Meal, Jade hid his crazy. He’d tucked it away behind a perfectly manicured persona constructed with good hygiene and the occasional ‘yes, my lord.’ Outright insanity was one thing, but controlled crazy? The kind of coocoo that you could dole out in specified increments depending on the situation? Now that was terrifying.

You took a shaky bite of your sandwich, silently cursing Caterina for being off on yet another luncheon rendezvous and leaving you to the wolves—er—well, moray eels.

“It means what I said,” you grumped, fighting back the tremor in your voice. “We’re not like you all. It’s not like we’re weak to one elemental magic over another, or like there are ways to dampen our abilities because there aren’t any abilities.” Another bite. “So ergo, no weaknesses. Not how you mean, anyways.”

Jade nodded, looking pensive.

“So there are other things then?” he surmised with a smile.

You narrowed your eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say,” you frowned, “But whatever it is, I’m not going to say it. It’s Caterina’s business, not yours.”

“Of course,” the eel smiled, teeth poking out from under his lip. “If you’ll excuse me.”

And, just as all those times before, the slippery bastard darted from the room as quickly as he’d come. Sebek glared after him with dark eyes. You could see something going on there—some thought or other bouncing around in his skull that he just couldn’t quite make stick. It was sort of like watching a toddler trying to stick the cube into the triangle hole of those wooden block puzzles.

“What is with that guy lately?” Deuce hissed, stabbing angrily into his eggs. “Why won’t he just leave us alone?”

Sebek straightened in his seat, and you could practically see the numbers flying around behind his eyes.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Ace grumped, licking some of the leftover gravy off his fingers. Deuce made a face. “He’s doing that Ashengrotto bastard’s dirty work.”

Deuce turned to you, as if seeking confirmation. You shrugged.

“Maybe. It’s all a bit muddled to me.”

“I see…”

Sebek slammed his hands down against the table and Ace fell face first to the floor.

“Dude!”

“So that’s it!” the fae boomed—green eyes wide and wild. “It all makes sense now! No wonder my young master was so concerned!”

You winced. Uh oh.

“Sebek, I’m not sure what you think you realized, but maybe you should tell us what it is before you do anything rash—"

“I need to report this to Lord Malleus right away!” he spluttered, and was off in a flash.

The trio watched him disappear around the corner, practically skidding into a wall in his rush.

“Why was even here anyways?” Ace asked.

“To make sure I didn’t get dismembered and eaten,” you sighed.

Deuce gaped, horrified, but Ace just started laughing.

“Well. That sucks.”

You nodded in agreement.

.

.

.

Maybe you were a bit too sleepy from eating such a large lunch to pay much attention, maybe it was because Sebek had startled you awake far before you were ready to join the living, so something as simple as recon was lost on you. Or maybe it was just bad luck. But the second you stepped out into the hallway—alone, stupidly, moronically, alone—you felt two sets of hands snag your arms and drag you off into the shadows.

Standing at the precipice of death so many times in so few days was starting to make you a bit numb. Not quite sedate enough to not be terrified, but muted enough that you weren’t putting a hole through the carpet with your vibrating.

A set of identical grins shone down at you from the gloom.

“Hello again, Shrimpy!”

You sighed. This was such a pathetic way to die.

“Hello, Floyd. Hello, Jade.”

The latter inclined his politely. “Good to see you again.”

Your head fell back against the wall with a thunk.

“What could you possibly want now? I told you. I don’t know whatever it is you’re asking.”

“Oh,” Jade hummed, “I think you do.”

“Neh, neh. Tell me, Shrimpy.” There was that smile again—bright, and pointed, and hungry. “We’ve been so nice, haven’t we? And what we want to know? It’s in everyone’s best interest, isn’t it?”

“So—” Jade wedged a finger underneath your chin and craned your head back, and back, and back until you were forced to lock gazes with his left eye. “I’m going to ask one more time, hmm? And you’re going to tell us.”

Your mind blanked. Not in the way you’d become familiar with—the rush of fogginess that accompanied fear and adrenaline. No. This was a full blackout. Like someone had gone in and pulled out whatever plugs and circuits you had going on up there. All that there was, was Jade. His voice, his crooked grin, and his horrid, glowing, golden, eye.

The eel smirked, sickly pale iris flashing as he asked—

“Now. Tell me—What would bring your darling friend to her knees?”

“Azul in that blue suit that’s too tight around the ass and crotch. She talked about it for ages”

Mismatched eyes widened in shock and you rushed to clamp a hand over your mouth in mortification. Floyd made a sound like he was about to start choking.

“What did you just say?” Jade gawked, jaw falling open.

“She thinks his ass is to die for,” your said through your fingers, like some kind of goddamn traitor. “She has a mafia fetish and she wants to boink your boss on his work desk so bad.”

That was it. You deserved death. Dismemberment. To be eaten alive by these goddamn eels and their stupid pointy teeth. You’d broken the bro code, the sacred bond between sisters from other misters. All those late nights drinking spiked cocoa and giggling over, uh, assets—and this was the outcome? This betrayal? No! You would not stand for it!

“You might as well get rid of me now,” you spluttered, horrified. “Because Caterina is going to murder me anyways.”

At that, Jade seemed to shake himself out of the funk he’d fallen into, and he turned to his brother with a smile that was suspiciously soft.

“Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for, but I think Azul will be more than pleased nonetheless. Go inform him, will you?”

You paled. “You can’t tell him that! Oh my god! You’re a monster!”

Another smile, equally as stupidly soft, and you wanted to punch it off his smug face.

“Azul is our friend, no matter what you make of that. And he has his… concerns. His endless fretting over flaws that he sees in himself but which simply are not there. Are you saying I shouldn’t inform him of this new development? He would be ecstatic.”

“I—You—He—That’s not the point! Caterina is going to disembowel me!”

That sugary smile turned sharp once more.

“That would be interesting to see, I’ll give you that.”

You wanted to pull out your hair, to pull out his hair, and then Floyd’s hair, and then—Wait. Where was Floyd? You swiveled back and forth like a woman deranged. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

He wouldn’t.

“He would,” Jade beamed.

You took off down the hallway like a bat out of Hell, with the eel’s delighted laughter echoing behind you.

.

.

.

You were not a runner, never had been. Outside of a brief swimming career, you were never what anyone would consider athletic, let alone agile. But here you were, tearing through the mirror to the Octavinelle Dormitory at speeds that could put Usain Bolt to shame.

Swoosh through the dank halls of the Academy Campus.

Zoom through the room of Mirrors.

Sprint sprint sprint through the chambers of oceans, and shells, and blue. All the way to the Mostro Lounge.

And there, just slipping in through the front door, was a familiar head of choppy teal.

No. No, no, NO! You were too late!

You bolted through the plush entrance, hurtled over a misplaced chair, and threw open the doors to Azul’s private seating room with a thunderous roar fit to shake the Heavens.

“DON’T YOU DARE SHAME HER FOR HER MAFIA KINK, YOU EEL BASTARD! SO WHAT IF SHE WANTS TO FUCK YOUR BOSS?!”

Inside the room was… not Floyd.

Instead, there sat Caterina and Azul, neatly tucked up against each other on one of the plush couches. Caught in a snapshot of blissful domesticity. Caterina stared back at you in horror—mug frozen half-way to her lips and already starting to tip. Coffee dribbled down the porcelain rim and into her lap. Azul’s eyes were as wide as the saucers scattered across the table. Wider, even. But—But. No. This couldn’t—You had seen him come in here. You were sure of it. And he was going to—Jade had said he was going to—to—

There was a flash of blue and yellow off in the corner, and Floyd slid by like a shadow—tossing you a wink on his way out.

Oh God. Oh God. Oooooh God—

“Oh my God,” Azul whispered, face a startling shade of red that was verging on purple.

Caterina wasn’t looking much better. She turned to her boyfriend lover crush very important person, looking like she’d just been run over by a truck. Everything was moving so slowly, so horribly slowly.

“Azul…?” she croaked, barely able to get the word out past her nervous spluttering.

“I have to—I—You—I have to—” He jumped to his feet and nearly toppled over in the process. “Please excuse me!”

And then he bolted. Poof. Across the room in a split second and slamming the door to his office behind him the next. Caterina stared after him in silent shock—expression flickering back and forth between mortification, rage, a horrible sort of sadness, and more rage.

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to,” you whispered, horrified.

Caterina stayed silent, but the twitch in her jaw was telling.

“Floyd was going to—He and Jade—They—”

“I don’t want to hear it!” the brunette snarled, lunging forward and off the couch. “What the fuck?! What the FUCK!”

“I didn’t mean to!” you wailed again. “He made me!”

“Oh? He made you run all the way here?” Caterina seethed. “He made you scream out one my deepest, darkest, secrets about the man I love to the man I love?! He made you do all that?! And why would he even know about any of it?!”

“I—I’m so sorry! Please!” you panicked, waving your hands back and forth in a poor show of platitudes. “I—It’s not my fault I told him about your dumb kink! I swear! He put me under mind control! Or persuasion! Or something, and I—”

“MY dumb kink?!” Caterina shrieked. “Wanna’ say that again Miss ‘I Get Off On People Ordering Me Around?!’”

You stared back, slack jawed. Then laughed, and laughed, and laughed. “I’m sorry, want to run that by me again? What was it you said the other day? Oh. That’s right. I didn’t say I’d fuck the tentacles, but I’d totally fuck the tentacles.”

Crack went the plate as it whizzed passed your head, exploding into a mess of shards against the wall behind you.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, you degenerate, bottom!”

Shwoom went the couch pillows as you lobbed them at Caterina’s face.

“Get over yourself, you fucking gold digger! Call your stupid rich boy kink what it is! You money grubbing—”

Wham!

Caterina wielded the silvered serving tray like a baseball bat, and it rang out as metallic and boisterous as a gong as she clocked you over the head.

“Omega wannabee!”

“Yeah, bitch,” syouslurred, shaking your head like a wet dog, “only because you wannabee! Beta hag!”

Slam, went the tray. But this time, you caught it in your shaking fists before Caterina could ring you skull like a bell. And a vicious tug a war for the weapon began.

“Fish fucker!”

“Dragon fucker!”

“We’re just friends, you whore!”

“Oh, deal with your goddamn self-worth issues like an adult like the rest of us!” Caterina seethed, giving one last wrench of her bludgeoning tray before deciding the weapon may be a lost cause. Her eyes caught sight of a pretty vase sitting just off to the side. And it was already teetering so precariously with all the ruckus they were causing.

“Well at least I don’t get off to back rubs!”

“Oh, no, you just get your rocks off to fucking fake, bullshit, wolf anatomy dynamics like any other normal, mentally functional, adult!”

Caterina lunged for the vase, and you teetered backwards with the lost momentum. The lovely, intricate, ceramic creation flew through the air and smashed neatly into your chest. You doubled over, huffing and puffing, before lifting you head with a sneer.

“Well, you know what! Have fun getting yourself off all on your lonesome for the rest of your life! But that should work out just great for you! And you know why?” You leaned in close to hiss. “Octopuses have detachable penises.”

Caterina screamed and lunged. The pair went down in a flurry of splintered furniture and rage.

.

.

.

“I didn’t expect it to go this far,” Jade muttered, brow furrowed in distaste.

“Oh?” Leona sneered. “And what exactly were you expecting?”

“A bit of bloodshed,” he responded with a shrug. “A few colorful insults. A chance for a dashing Prince Charming to rush in and save the day with a proper, contractual, compromise.”

“You’re lucky I don’t beat your goddamn face in, you low-life, bottom feeding, piece of—”

“Enough,” Riddle cut it. “Fighting amongst ourselves won’t do anything to address the problem at hand.”

“It’d make me feel better,” Leona snarled, low in his throat.

The redhead sighed and pushed a hand through his bangs, frustrated.

“Jade, what exactly did you and your godforsaken brother do?”

“We pushed where perhaps we should not have,” the eel mused. “A lesson learned, I suppose.”

Another sigh—this one even more put upon than the last. “Perfect. That doesn’t help us at all in trying to come to a solution.”

“We need to stop this!” Ruggie paced, looking a bit panicked. “Look. I get it. Dominance fights are a thing, but they never end will when they get personal like this and—”

I don’t want either of them to die.

Leona sighed and ran a hand through his mused hair. The sentiment may have remained unsaid, but he couldn’t say he disagreed with it without lying through his teeth. These were his… friends, as much as it pained him to think it. And a premature death in the fighting pit didn’t befit either of them.

“Maybe we should get Malleus,” Riddle muttered. “He’s strong enough to stop this.”

The lion bristled and took a confident step forward.

“We don’t need that horned bastard. Lionesses fight all the time. I can deal with it.”

Riddle looked concerned, for Leona’s sake or for that of the brawling duo destroying the room before them the Beastman couldn’t tell.

“If you’re certain.”

“Of course I’m certain,” he mocked, before pushing forward towards the warzone.

It was only you and Caterina. There was nothing to be concerned about. You were weirdos, freaks, herbivores. Harmless. This was just a little catfight. There was nothing to be—

“Throw one more vase at me bitch, and I swear I’ll—"

“You’ll what? Is Miss Pillow Princess going to put me in my place? Why don’t you go choke on a knot, you alpha-obsessed-whore!”

“Well I would if I could! It’s not my fault my jaw is fucked!”

“Oh fucking please. Put on your big girl panties and practice on a banana like the rest of us!”

“Knots don’t work like that, and you know it!”

Leona swiveled on his heel.

He hardly even remembered the short walk back to the main group. They all looked at him in barely concealed horror as he returned. Leona didn’t know what his face was doing. He didn’t want to know.

“Call Malleus,” he said.

Riddle just nodded in silence.

.

.

.

“—Oh fucking please. Put on your big girl panties and practice on a banana like the rest of us!”

“Knots don’t work like that, and you know it!”

“Well, maybe you’re just a quitter,” Caterina spat. “No wonder you’ve never gotten out of the pining stage.”

“Oh my God, I’m going to kill you!” you snarled, hands wrapping tight around your friend’s neck. “How’s this for choking, you ungrateful, single-minded, no safe-word-having—"

“Oh, yeah?” Caterina gasped, fighting to pull in a breath around your spiked fingernails. “Choke me harder, daddy.”

“AAAH! You can’t just—Don’t say shit like that!” you squawked, rolling over and away in a panic.

Caterina sat up, spluttering through a few fragmented inhalations. “Oh? Why? You gonna’ get off on me giving you orders too?”

“SHUT UP, YOU MONSTER FUCKER!”

“LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK, YOU BIGGER MONSTER FUCKER!” The brunette’s eyes filled with hot tears and she wiped at them furiously. “And I’m never even going to get to fuck my monster because you ruined it! You ruined it,” she wheezed. “Why did you have to ruin it?”

You froze, hand already outstretched before you’d even realized you’d done it. Slowly you lowered it back to your side.

“I’m—I’m sorry, Cat. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—I really didn’t for…” you swallowed, fighting back the lump in your throat, “for any of this,” you gestured around lamely. To the smashed vases, and the torn pillows, and the coffee stains, and the tears.

The brunette rubbed at her cheeks. “Yeah… I… I know.”

You scrubbed at your own salt smeared face. “I did this all wrong.”

Caterina laughed, dry. “Maybe…” She paused, looking more unsure than you had maybe ever seen her. All curled up on the floor in the middle of a furniture tornado. “Do you think…”

“Do I think…?” you prompted.

Caterina snorted humorlessly. “He’s going to hate me after all this, isn’t he?”

“If he does, he’s a fucking idiot and I’ll beat the shit out of him myself.”

Another snort, though this one was accompanied by a soft uptick of her lips. “Yeah. You do have a nasty right hook. I’m gonna’ be feeling that one for weeks.”

“Do I ever,”you laughed, flexing your battered fists. You paused, picking nervously over a few pieces of shattered dishware. “…I’m sorry I called your kink stupid.”

“It’s alright. It’s a little stupid.”

“Mine are worse.”

“Just a little,” Caterina hummed. “I’m not sorry I threw that plate at you,” she said, considering her words. “But I am sorry for all the other things I said.”

“I might have deserved it a little,” you shrugged. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier about all the stuff Floyd and Jade were stalking me about.”

“Uhm. Fucking what?”

“He also used his magic thingy to crack open my brain,” you said, wrapping a knuckle against your forehead. “That’s how he found out about your kink.”

“Oh my god, I’m going to kill them,” Caterina seethed.

“I’ll help you.”

“Best friends bury bodies together,” the brunette muttered, settling more heavily against the floor.

“Yeah…”

“God, not to be a wimp, but I am really fucking sore right now,” she winced, pressing a hand against her bruised throat.

“Dude. Same. That vase definitely cracked a rib.”

“Sorry,” she winced.

“Meh. All’s fair in love and war.”

With that, the door opposite creaked open and a pair of bespeckled eyes peered out at them from the darkness.

“Holy—”

The door closed. And then opened again. And closed. And reopened.

“Are you… both alive out there?” a tentative voice called, and Azul’s fluffy head finally poked itself out from behind the threshold.

The pair nodded, to varying degrees of success.

“Sorry about your lounge,” Caterina muttered.

“I will never be able to pay for all this damage on top of the tarts,” you muttered.

Azul took one look at Caterina’s purple-ringed neck and blood caked knuckles and rushed forward.

“Oh Great Seven, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know—I didn’t mean to run away. And now you’re—I mean, you’re both—”

Caterina blearily smushed a finger over his lips.

“Shhhh. Shhhhhhh. No more words. I’m too tired.”

“Uhm… Right. Of course.”

She paused, and looked over him with droopy eyes. You leant forward to poke her knee with the toe of your boot. Caterina sighed. “I’m… sorry if I embarrassed you earlier.”

“What?” Azul backpedaled. “Of course not. I would never be embarrassed of you. I mean, I was just embarrassed for—for—”

“Yourself?” Caterina tried.

“…Yes. That,” he spluttered, looking away.

Caterina sighed, bone deep and weary. “Well. There’s not exactly any point in hiding it now. Azul?”

“…Yes?”

“I like you a lot.”

The octopus man went pink from the butt of his chin to the tips of his ears. “O-Oh! Well. Of course you do. I mean—not in that you should be obligated to. But because I should have been expecting it. And I—”

You, with just enough energy left to perform one last act of kindness, hawked a piece of rubble at the man’s head. Factory reset.

He startled for a moment before clearing his throat. “I care about you very much as well.”

Caterina nodded. “Good.” A brief pause. “I’m really exhausted and I’m worried I might have a concussion. Could you hold me up?”

“Oh. Oh! Yes! Of course!” Azul spluttered, before ducking forward to wrap his arms around her waist and prop her upright. “Is that better?”

Caterina hummed, letting her head flop back against his shoulder. “Yes. You smell great. Have I ever told you that before?”

Azul grumbled, face ducked down to hide his puffy, red, cheeks. “You definitely have a concussion.”

“My bad,” you sighed, flopping down into the dust.

“I am going to have to pay you back eventually,” Caterina mused from her place curled snugly in Azul’s arms. “Just out of principle, you know.”

“Oh, no worries,” you waved her off. “I totally get it. But at least this day can’t get much worse,” you said hopefully.

So, of course, at that moment a field of twisting, black, vines sprung up through the cracks in the front door and curled hastily through the room—filling the lounge with an eerie glow and the scent of packed earth. Malleus stepped through the door, looking like every bit the vengeful fae prince that so many feared.

“Oh no.”

Despite the head trauma no doubt clouding her mind, Caterina still had the wherewithal to smirk.

“Oh yes.”

Malleus rushed forward, and you flicked at the magical thorns twisted up and around your limbs.

“Are you alright?” he fussed, hands trailing over the bloodied gashes, and wincing sympathetically when he brushed against the chicken egg forming at your brow. “What happened?”

“It’s alright,” you sighed, letting him sweep you up. “Really, I’m fine. I got smacked around worse during Leona’s overblot. We just… There was a bit of a, err, misunderstanding.” Malleus’s mouth curled sourly like he was getting ready to argue that glaringly obvious understatement, so you reached out as fast as you could to grip at his sleeve. “But we sorted it out! I promise.”

“…Are you certain?” he muttered, looking incredibly unsure.

You nodded. “Don’t worry. I had it coming.”

Malleus sighed and reached up to rub at his temples in frustration. “Forgive my doubts, but… If you’re certain.”

“Of course. I don’t want you to worry about me, you know? Especially when I end up in a sticky situation because of my own dumb mouth. Or brain. Or lack of foresight. Or just… When it’s all my fault anyways, you know?”

“But then I’d never be allowed to worry about you,” Malleus intoned, bland, and you laughed.

“No. I guess not.”

Caterina observed the scene before her with a soft smirk. She looked up from her place in Azul’s arms—face battered, and bloody, and beaming. ‘Vengeance’ her dark eyes said. ‘Retribution.’ You made eye contact and went pale—beyond pale. ‘Have mercy’ you wanted to shout. But then again… you didn’t really deserve mercy, did you? ‘An eye for an eye’ and all that. Or well, ‘a mortification for a mortification’ in this case.

The brunette’s smile sharpened into something poisonous and she turned to Malleus.

“You know,” she spoke. Loudly. Directly. “Now that we’re out of the danger zone and everyone’s all sorted, there’s something you should know.”

Malleus arched a thin brow. “Oh? And what might that be?”

“Our favorite Ramshackle Prefect really wants to fuck a dragon.”

You squeezed your eyes shut in resigned embarrassment. But there was no horrified gasp, no judgmental glare burning into your back, no instant withdrawal from your person as he backpedaled in horror. Instead, Malleus’s grip on your arm flexed reassuringly and you cracked open a single eye to peek up at him.

He smiled down at you—brilliantly bright green eyes far too soft and far too besotted.

“Well, thank goodness for that.” His lips twisted upwards into something a bit sharper, and you could see the pointed, white, flicker of a fang poking out over his lower lip. “I was really hoping to fuck a human too, you see.”

Azul squawked, mortified, and Caterina made a noise like she’d just taken physical damage. Your cheeks went red, then redder, than nearly puce, and you burrowed your head into Malleus’s chest, hoping his swirling robes would open up and swallow you whole. Instead, he just laughed. Low, and dark, and deep enough that you could feel the rumble of it against your fingers.

Caterina sighed, sounding entirely too resigned.

“Well, damn. Happy endings for everyone I guess.”

“Hmm…Is that so terrible?” Azul hummed, curious.

Another sigh, this one perhaps a bit less put upon. “I suppose not.”

How to Survive a Shovel Talk

Pairings: Malleus Draconia/Fem!Reader; A Bit of Reader/Everyone; Azul Ashengrotto/OC Word Count: 9k Rating: Mostly SFW (some NSFW humor towards the end - ie. includes some literal kink shaming, so…)

Summary: It’s not your fault that your best friend is hopelessly, obliviously, in love with Azul Ashengrotto. But a horrible pair of moray eels are going to make it your problem. 

A/N: A commission for a friend of mine! Pure, unadulterated, insanity

.

“No.”

“Awwww,” Floyd whined. “I know she’s your best friend and all, but what’s a little gossip between other friends, hah?”

You gawked. “You asked what her weaknesses are. Like a stupid video game character, or—or—”

Floyd threw a too-long-arm across your shoulders. “But we’re all friends here, yeah? And she hasn’t been around as long as you have, Shrimpy! At least, with like, y’know,” he pressed down a bit too firmly, “a ‘corporal form’ or whatever. So sometimes you gotta’ reach outward to ask for someone’s bits and bobs. It’s just kidding around stuff, anyways!”

You twitched. Because, yeah, maybe—maybe—joking around about someone’s metaphorical Achille’s Heel could be gentle banter between friends. Maybe. But this was Floyd, so it was clearly a stick up. Or an attempt to destroy you all. Or something. 

Keep reading

[herwritings684]

Ch 13

"Manuia lou aso fanau, manuia lou aso fanau Ma'asoama! Faamanuia le Atua!"

Grams favorite color is yellow. Everything in her room is yellow. Her bedsheets, her clock, her desk, her iPhone cover (that she never ever uses), her floor once in a while when she doesn't get to the toilet on time, her favorite pen, her house slippers that she never wears, her Tusi Paia cover from dad and uncle John from Apia 5 years ago. According to them, the owner of the bookstore had a crush on Grams back when she visited often with Mama Tepatasi.

Grams is a minister's daughter. When you are the child of a minister, even after he dies, you are still, in the present tense, a minister's kid. It's a forever thing.

Papa Lealofamatemomoe and Mama Tepatasi first served in a village called Mala. Grams loved to repeat stories of her days in Mala before moving to Atoatoa.

Her days at the Alofamoni Catholic School for girls. Before she gave away her hibiscus flower to Gramps at the makeki and giving birth to her golden boy, my father, Avemaoe. Before learning about Papa Lealofa's illegitimate child. Before Mama Tepatasi's suicide. Before all the pain and struggle and darkness.

"Blow out your candles Grams!"

Grams wearing her yellow pua reaches out for my hand.

"Go ahead, fai ifo." We hold hands as I blow out her birthday candles.

As I straighten my back, I turn to look at Grams and notice her lips quivering. I quickly kneel down next to her. She closes her eyes and shakes her head quietly as if to tell me not to make a fuss.

"Tell everyone to come sit down," her demanding voice shields her vulnerable state. Grams is never one to let anyone make her feel weak, including me, her on and off favorite grandchild.

One by one, everyone settles around the living room. Uncle John is wheeled in by Afa. Aunty Sina is typing away on her phone, probably trying to reset her Facebook password for the 15th time, I'm already crosslegged on the floor. Dad's two younger twin sisters, Malia and Mareta, sit on the couches next to their military husbands, also twins, Mataio and Mareko. All their kids start walking in, with their annoying AirPods, faces glued to their iPads. Paying no mind to Grams or anyone for that matter.

Mulikaeas, I tell you.

"Kape mea ga!" aunty Sina yells towards them.

Uncle Mataio and Mareko both nudge the closest child to them to remove their devices.

Grams adjusts herself in her chair. Looking around as if to count how many of us were present.

Recognizing Grams intentions, uncle John responds to Grams with a booming voice.

"O LAE KOEKIKI O'O MAI LE KA'AVALE A SIMOGA MOM."

Ahh, Simona. Grams middle child.

No wife, no degree, no job, major wannabe drug dealer.

I remember at Dad's funeral, Simona was the only one who didn't cry. He never walked up to the pusa oki to say goodbye either. He stood all the way in the back of the church. All the way in the back of the final service. I never understood why he was always so distant. The only time uncle Simona came around was the day of Grams' birthday and the first day of school.

Everyone in Atoatoa knows that Uncle Simona buys all the school supplies for the elementary kids with drug money. Two years ago, he got caught by the police and they took all his stash of weed, including the drug money. So the night before, instead of buying notebooks and pencils and erasers and sharpeners, he stole them from Hong's store three villages down.

Grams nodded her head.

"Thank you, my children, for being here. This is the only gift I want. All of you. Together. Us. O le aiga. I praise the Heavenly Father. I see your faces. I am happy."

Her lips tremble.

"If Gramps was here..."

I pat her right foot gently to try and console her.

"He would be happy, too."

No one says anything for the next 2 minutes. Like obedient children, we just bow our heads and think of Gramps in silence. His laughter. His anger. His wrath. His love. His choice to bring Simona around 10 years ago.

Uncle Mareko is the first to look up as we hear a buzzing sound. His phone was vibrating in aunty Mareta's pocket. He quietly stands up to go outside.

"Cut me some cake, Giga". Grams gently taps my shoulder.

Everyone starts to move and walks towards the dinner table. Except for the Amelika robots. They rush to their rooms and continue watching their ridiculous Youtube videos.

"Happy Birthday Queen of the world!"

Uncle Simona has arrived. In both hands, he's holding two bags. One says Coach and the other is an all too familiar brown bag with the yellow M. I bet it's Grams favorite: 10 piece chicken nuggets with a double quarter pounder with cheese.

Aunty Sina rolls her eyes and pretends to dial numbers on her phone.

"I have to go work on the song list with the faletua. See you later, Mom. Save me some ice cream faamolemole."

Uncle Simona smirks and waves her off.

"Whatever Sina, while you're at it, please French kiss the faletua for me." He chuckled.

Aunty Sina sharply responds back. "Kago i lou komo."

"SINA!" Uncle John interjects. Aunty Sina is already out the door.

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxxv.l: The Red, UNLIKE YOU. It's a level of maturity you don't have yet clearly. “MA-MATURITY!? … YOU!?? … HA DON'T MAKE ME FUCKIN LAUGH!!” WHAT!! HUH? WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE MORE MATURE THAN ME?? “THINK!? BITCH!!! I FUCKIN KNOW!!” OH HAHA THAT’S FUCKI- “NNNGAAAHHH” *SLAM* … … … One second my feet were on the ground … the next … they were flying in the air sideways … w-what … what's happening? Time was so slow I could see myself almost hovering in the air, flying off towards my right side … or at least what was my right side when I was grounded. What force! What power … what the fuck … did I get hit by a truck? No, there was a voice, right? … I slowly … slowly turn my eyes to look towards the direction of my great Impact, and as they do … I see more of my attacker, and no … it became clearer and clearer it was a man … not machine. I started to make out his arm, stretched far towards me, what felt like his hand against/clenched around my neck. What? Who the fuck would attack me like this? Out in the broad as well? In public? My eyes track down his arm … muscular indeed, scared … big. When it was then … as my eyes trailed those scars … the peaks and valleys of muscle on the arm … I … seen … HIS … Face … … … Wrath. Time returned to a normal speed. “GOT YOU, YOU FRIVOLOUS LITTLE SHIT!!!! AHHHH” *BOOOM* “I with Red in my Hand held by his throat … *SLAMMED* Him into the buildings across the street, bashing through the walls as my momentum kept up” *BOOM* blasting through into a little herbal store *BOOM* blasting through into a little department store *BOOM* blasting through into a little office space store *BOOM* “We ended up on the other side of the thick mini strip back into the street … as I stood now centered in the street, I raised that coward up High into the Sky! He was roughed up … but not dead like I had hoped, so … I BRING HIM DOWN FAST!!! *FOOM* Releasing Him from my Grip as I do, *SLAMMING* him Fast, and with great force into the street, cracking and making a crater, blasting a plume of dust into the air obscuring my view, I raised my hand and arm up to my face to block away the plume from entering my eyes … the dust started to clear … RED!!! Oh how I’ve waited for this moment from the day I realized you somehow made it out of that dreaded Sea of Nightmares! … I will not let you stave off my plans To END this fucking INSIDIOUS CITY!!!! I get my hand and aggressively swing it to the side to wave away the smoke … to see … a crater without a Red buried in it. My face filled with anger and shock, my head jolted all around as to find where the Fucking! RAT ran off too. RED!!! DON’T RUN FROM ME!!! I waved my hand around trying to disperse more smoke *AHH* FACE YOUR FATE HEAD ON YOU LOW LIFE!! Once more waving my hand around *AHH* then … I heard the sounds of an echoed sprinting, off to my left … my head with lighting speed turned to face the sound, eyes laser focused through the light smoke to see …” I BLASTED DOWN THE ALLEYWAY, SPRINTING WITH FULL STRIDE!!! … FUCK FUCK “KEEP THOSE LEGS MOVIN BOY!!! IF THAT MOUND OF DEATH CATCHES US, IT’S ZEROS ACROSS THE BOARD!!!!” AHHHH *SPRINT* *SPRINT* *SPRINT* *SPRINT* *SPRINT* I turn my head back around to look behind me just for a second and see that fucking asshole standing in the smoke, Clear as days looking at me with piercing eyes of Red … then … he lurched down and *FWOOM* THE SMOKE WAS DISPERSED AND OUT HE SHOT OUT OF IT WITH GREAT STRIDE AND SPEED LIKE A RACEHORSE!!!. OHHHH SHIT SHIT SHIT!! HOW’D HE FIND US!?!? “WHY ARE YOU ASKING MEEEE!!!” I could hear as he got closer and closer with every passing moment. [To Be Continued]

[rolandrockover]

Take That?

Let's just have a relaxing day today and enjoy it a little, make ourselves comfortable on a deck chair in a warm, cozy spot in the sun, perhaps, and while we're doing that, why don't we just listen to the break from Is That You? (1980) that I often talk about, and let things slide a little?

If Gene has made the effort of recycling this break not just once, on Asylum (1985), but also a second time, on Sonic Boom (2009), then it shouldn't be quite as insignificant as you might think, and that alone should be incentive enough to do him the favor of taking a closer look at it. But of course in a completely relaxed manner, because after all we don't want to put anyone, not least me, out of their well-earned rest.

*stretches out

So if you listen to Gerard McMahon's original demo version of Is That You? from 1979 for a direct comparison, you'll immediately notice that this break doesn't appear in it at all.

And if you ask yourself in addition where this little bugger actually comes from and what is so special about it that it is considered memorable and character-building enough within the band to have established itself for years and even decades?

So for me it would be as sure as chickens like to cluck that only the riff from Rock and Roll Over's (1976) Take Me (1) would come into question for its origin. And I don't even mean the main riff, but the one that also functions as a break in the middle of its verses and is underlaid with those Ah-Ah! Ah-Ah-Ahh-Yeah!'s.

And since Is That You? was presumably under Paul's direct responsibility during the recording of Unmasked (1980), this would hardly be surprising, and thus the mystery surrounding the legendary breaks of Is That You? finally solved. What a klassik!

*waves his index finger pompously in the air

Waiter, please bring me another slice of the delicious honeydew melon!

Side Note:

(1) If anyone is wondering where the Take Me riff might have come from, this link will give you the answer.

Well, the links appear to have highlighted themselves all by themselves. How convenient:

Is That You? (1980)

Take Me (1976)

Is That You? (Demo, 1979)

[whydoibe]

This is continuation of anthor post this au I dub The Lost Agent AU

So here's the story

Orginal post

It was a normal day in the land of lost things geo said he spotted something yesterday and wanted to retrive it for one of his statues Cole.

"OK geo I will go but we can't bring the kids that place is pretty far"

"Yeah I know but with your rock mech we should be able to stall the hoarder just for the right amount of time"

Cole left making thier way through the tunnles long dug out to avoid the hoarder easier.

"OK we're nearly there geo you sure you know hat Ur looking for?"

"Yes Cole, I know:" Geo replied, reaching his his hand out as it glowed with the elemnt of fussion as Cole made contact the earth, surrounded him as he rose in his stone amour mech. Cole saw Geo run off as he went to distract the hoarder.

"Ahh" a scream what the that wasn't Geo it sounded like no he thought he was hearing things it was so faint it was memory's seeping through there he finally spotted the hoarder and started to charge this thing could be fun sometimes when he just needed to fight something crash this thing kept getting bigger he was fighting till he spotted a small glint of blue near a pile in the distance it was nothing he thought probaly just an old statue of Geos.

"Cole we got it" geo cried finally he thought getting away from the hoarder till he spotted that blue spark again this tim taking notice of it fully there it was a person who seemed to be observing the fight as he got closer he saw blue crackle then yellow and lightning no he thought that was lighting storm just like jay. jay he finally took notice of the figures face jay he ran closing the distance before the figure passed out just as he dismantled his mech he ran over seeing his old friend laying there he couldn't help but cry tears of joy it was jay his old friend his best friend. Then he finally released what he was wearing a suit. Jay hated suits he said they were too stuffy. What had happened he looked sick pailer and he rembdered his face was bruised but it was undinbley jay his oldest friend he new he couldn't leave him here or else he'd be hoarder meat.

"Geo" Cole screamed the hybrid quickly made his way to Cole.

"Yeah Cole" geo paused taking notice of jay "whos that?"

"An old friend, I need help to get him back home. I need a boost," Geo understood, touching him, allowing Cole to summon his mech he picked jay and geo up in his hand cradling hid friends as he made his way quickly home dismantling the golem and dragging jays unconscious body inside the house.

"Whose that?" Bonzle questioned as she took notice of jay.

"Yeah whose the new person" spitz and Fritz said in complete unison.

"His name is - ahh." Cole was cut off as eltricty coursed through his body, and his hair stood on end. Jay stood hands drawn in a fist face clearly showing confusion anger and fear over his face eyes glowing blue with lightning." Jay" Cole muttered as he got back up.

Jays eyes widened and then he spoke " how do you know my name who are u what are u are u here to dragg me back to hell" jays voice volatile and booming as the cabin started to flicker the lights breaking Cole new jay if he was this angry that the lights were flickering than something had happened to him but then why didn't he recognise him

"Jay it's me Cole don't you rember me "

Jays face contorted to one of confusion "how do you know my name awnser me" he cried the thunder crackled and the siren nose started to flicker Cole new if jay continued he was gonna destroy everything here and then all shelter from the hoarder and there only deterint would be no more.

"Jay, it's me, don't you remember me? I am one of your greatest friends the names Cole master of earth don't you rember me please just calm down you can trust me."

"Why should I trust u I have no need to trust u If your one of them I am not going back to the administration"

"OK jay it's OK I am one of your old friends even I'd you don't rember please Ur lighting might rember let it speak to u and see if it rembers me please if you keep this up your gonna destroy my home and kill us"

jays face stared at his hands as if thinking or talking to it his eyes widened as the lighting stopped crackling and the lights stopped getting brighter he fell to his knees hands covering his ears as he rocked back and forth in distress tears streaming.

"Well cry baby much," bonzel stated going back to not caring much.

"Jay" Cole reached his hand out geo caught his hand

"Cole we don't know if he will attack u again" geo tried to plea but those words landed on deaf ears Cole new jay was in distress and even if he didn't rember him he needed him to comfort his friend and ethier way letting a clearly delrouis man with lightning powers with in distress on the floor wasn't realy a good first impression.

"I know, but that's jay, my friend, and if he doesn't remember me, I could care less he needs me he needs comfort." Cole stated casually approaching jay, laying a hand on his shoulder, retrieving a near imdent eltricty shock, but it was light it stung but only a little bit jay head shot up meeting Coles gaze with those blue eyes he just stared at Cole for a solid minute till finally speaking.

"Who are u why do you know my name If your not with the administration" a gut punch Cole felt as the final words hit him.

[justsigma-bsd]

All is forgiven, baby! Come on, get dressed

You're my date to the pep rally tonight!

You chucked me out like I was trash

For that you should be dead

But, but, but

Then it hit me like a flash

What if high school went away instead?

Those assholes are the key!

They're keeping you away from me!

They made you blind, messed up your mind

But I can set you free!

You left me and I fell apart

I punched the wall and cried

Bam, bam, bam!

Then I found you changed my heart

And set loose all that truthful shit inside

And so I built a bomb

Tonight our school is Vietnam!

Let's guarantee they never see their senior prom

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

Don't give up on me now

Finish what we've begun

I was meant to be yours

So when the high school gym goes "boom" with everyone inside

Pkhw, pkhw, pkhw!

In the rubble of their tomb

We'll plant this note explaining why they died

We, the students of Westerburg High

Will die

Our burned bodies may finally get through

To you

Your society churns out slaves and blanks

No, thanks

Signed the Students of Westerburg High

"Goodbye"

We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors

Bring marshmallows

We'll make s'mores

We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!

I was meant to be yours

We were meant to be one

I can't make it alone

Finish what we've begun

You were meant to be mine

I am all that you need

You carved open my heart

Can't just leave me to bleed

Veronica, open the, open the door, please

Veronica, open the door

Veronica, can we not fight anymore, please?

Can we not fight anymore?

Veronica, sure, you're scared

I've been there, I can set you free!

Veronica, don't make me come in there!

I'm gonna count to three!

One!

Two! Fuck it!

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Oh, my God

No! Veronica!

Please don't leave me alone

You were all I could trust

I can't do this alone

Still, I will if I must!

Veronica!

I brought you a snack!

Veronica?

Ahh!

-🇩🇪

"I'm confused"