#we are succeeding in falling in love with the process i think. i am finding fun in it more and more <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sumbsdrawingblog]

YAY YIPPEE

Art summary! 2024! [here's 2023]

Only 4 weeks where i didn't draw! no idea what happened those weeks! and while the lack of coloured pieces is sad it's not a surprise, i have been doing bad but i'll be damned if that's gonna stop me completely, 2 pages of sketches because there are so many! so many that i like!! headshot city baybee. all things considered i am actually very pleased looking back on this year art wise. its nice :] here's to hopinh things steadily improve

[bodysnatch3r]

putting this under a read more because i have nowhere else to put it. this ended up being long! mostly i am Processing.

i think what's fucking me up about veilguard being so polarising is that i have no way to make my own value judgement. i can't play it, at all, full stop. consoles are expensive, i live paycheck-to-paycheck and realistically speaking cannot even begin to think about buying a current gen console until well into 2025. i was saving up and then in june shit happened and those savings had to be used for something else and my stipend got reduced by a couple dozen pounds and the bills went up. so it goes.

i do not want to watch someone play it because it is just antithetical to how i relate to dragon age as media, and besides anyone posting playthroughs is inundated with critical comments. and the result is that the usual mechanisms i have against brainworms concerning certain types of critical statements—knowing i can fall back on my own experiences with the games and my own judgements of where the writing succeeded or didn't, what story am i trying to tell through these interactive games, how do i reconcile it with the story the devs were trying to tell, where does it diverge, etc.—are totally inaccessible to me.

this would have been fine, i think, if the fandom consensus i've been seeing hadn't been mostly "either you hate it or love it with no in between. and if you think the opposite of me you are Stupid". which. well i guess ten years in the fandom have taught me Nothing. but i digress.

i would have been fine, because i know from experience that i am often satisfied with scraps that others may find lacking—for example, i think dai quickly dropping and flattening the mage/templar conflict into a couple of missions in the hinterlands was fine, because we have several books that hint at and deal with the larger-branching consequences of da2. much of my fan experience is, generally, concerned with where i can "fill in the blanks" because that is what interests me the most. i thrive in the corners and margins. the less i know, the more i can take what canon gives us and run.

plus, over the years i have developed a tendency to meet bioware where they are at. past experience in creative industries has really shown to me how stifling any form of artmaking can be in a corporate environment, and i know that right now the blame as to why we got veilguard and not joplin is being passed around like a hot potato, but the truth of the matter is, we will never know beyond the fact that bioware management is beholden, like all companies, to the "number go up" capitalist doctrine, no doubt reinforced by their parent company ea. and that, at least following the failure of anthem and andromeda (but i suspect from even earlier, as david gaider has said), bioware has been the ugly duckling of ea's roster. (as an aside, i would love to know who in ea has such a soft spot for bioware, that they allowed them to continue on following those massive failures.)

what i am trying to say is, i have been struggling so much with something i had managed to heal myself from, precisely because the one coping mechanism that does work for me (stewing in the source material) is totally inaccessible to me. so i have all of this antsy, nervous, conflicted energy, exacerbated by my own obsessive tendencies and the fact that sometimes having a childhood hyperfixation return full force as an adult just really fucking sucks when my personality is prone to regressing into harmful thought patterns and behaviours—is it as bad as people are saying? will it be a massive disappointment when i finally do play it? should i even like it when apparently it is such a slap in the face to the fans?—and nowhere to put it.

i kind of preferred it when we all thought this game was just never going to come out and i had made peace with it.

[therandomavenger]

The F Word

I want to talk about a difficult subject, and to do so I’m going to have to use a word that a lot of people don’t like. It’s an F-word.

Not that one.

No, not that one either.

The word that makes people so uncomfortable is Failure (which means my grandma can read this and not get mad at me).

It turns out, I know a lot about this word, because I have failed many, many times.

I failed in my teaching career. Twice. I failed to get my A+ Technical support certification. All of these were humiliating. I’ve failed to secure many, many jobs I’ve interviewed for. I failed as a husband. I failed as a father (maybe not ultimately but there were hundreds of failures along the way). I failed and failed at online dating, getting ghosted more times than I can count. I guess I was just not that interesting.  Before starting to write seriously again in 2019, I failed at writing about four different novels. And one of the novels I did finish after 2019 I trunked and have started stripping for parts.

I’ve failed to sell about a dozen stories to paying markets. The only reason I didn’t fail at finding an agent and going the traditional publishing route was that I didn’t try. I have failed to sell a large number of books. I’ve failed to get positive attention on social media. I’ve failed to make the most of opportunities that were given to me. I failed to maintain friendships. I failed to miss the deer that ran in front of my new car a couple of years ago.

Wow. This is depressing. I promise the parade of suck is almost over.

The point is, I know what I’m talking about here. By any definition, I am a failure.

Brene Brown says that the biggest shame trigger people have is the assignment of unwanted identities. Failure is certainly one of those. We use another word, for ourselves and other people who have failed. Loser. Harsh, right? But it’s the truth.

Here’s the thing, though. Failure happens to everyone. There are thousands of stories of people who finally made it big who failed in a major way before they ever succeeded. I’m not going to recount all of those stories here, but failure has a pristine pedigree. The only people who have never failed are people who’ve never tried to do anything. There’s honor in that, at reaching for a goal, falling short, and taking your lumps. It can make us kinder, more compassionate people, and also make us strong enough to withstand the pressure when success finally comes.

And yeah, when you fail, people make comments. The people who make the meanest comments are people who’ve never really dared trying to accomplish anything major. These are people who ‘stay in their lane,’ and don’t put themselves out there. Most of the people who matter will watch you fall, wince at your pain, and offer you a hand up while they tell you their own story. Those are the people you need to pay attention to, not the ones who are making fun of you.

And for the love of God do not turn your attention to the randos on social media. Especially the anonymous ones. They don’t really know your story, and their experience is not relevant.

But here’s the biggest thing I learned about failure. When it happens, you have to take a minute. You have to feel it. Process it. Let it suck for a couple of days or a couple of months and cry about it to your best friend and/or your cousin’s wife (Hi, Lisa). I know I personally, the various times I have failed, have immediately launched myself at the next thing (which I probably also failed at, eventually), and that was a mistake. It’s true that action is good, and that doing something feels better than stewing in those awful, awful feelings. That led me to a pretty serious breakdown a couple of years ago, because I had all this unprocessed trauma from the times I had failed that had stayed lodged in my mind, and were resulting in some pretty toxic self-talk. So, yeah. Take some time. Make considered decisions. Decide if the next thing you think of is something you really want, or if it’s just a new target to aim yourself at to escape from your feelings.

Everybody hates failure, but I’ve found it’s always led to something that makes up for it. Failing as a teacher led me to a new set of circumstances that resulted in a lot more freedom. Failing as a certified technician kept me from getting into situations where I would have been in over my head doing real damage. Failing as a husband liberated both me and my wife from a life that was serving neither of us. My failures as a parent, when I acknowledged and apologized for them, led me to a deeper relationship with my adult children. Failing at online dating made me remember this guy I’d met a couple of years before, and who I’d been thinking about, prompting me to search him out again. Now I’m in the happiest relationship of my life and we’re getting married October 12th (This was definitely the best outcome for that story).

Failure gives you the opportunity to rethink what you’re doing, and figure out what you really want. It clarifies your values. It gives you the opportunity to recreate yourself as a new, more authentic version. In order to rise from the ashes, a Phoenix first needs to burn.

Failure doesn’t have to be permanent. Success certainly never is. And failing in one thing can lead to success in something more important later. I thank God I am not working some soul-sucking tech job right now, and have avoided the way teaching as a career has collapsed. Like I said before, if you’ve never failed, you’ve never really tried to do anything important.

And these days … I would not consider myself a professional success. You could even say I’ve failed as a novelist, and if making money was my goal, that’s certainly true. Here’s the thing, though. I am proud of the work I am putting out, and more importantly, I have loved the process of creating it. I get to spend my days being creative, and though I am no means a financial success, I know there are many people who would kill for my life. I am also pursuing an art degree, which is a brand new area for me. Will I fail at this? Possibly! Maybe even likely. But if I do, I will take a minute, cry for a couple of days, then thank the universe for the experience, and think deeply about what it is that I want to do next.

There’s always something new coming up. That is the universe’s greatest gift.   

[sea-owl]

You know what, OP is right the Spouses are all angelic beings who have done nothing wrong. We obviously need them representing the Heavenly Virtues.

Kate - Diligence

Diligence is a decisive work eithic, where one is steadfast in thsir belief, fortitude, and dont give up easily. We all know Kate is gonna get shit done. She says she gonna do it, then she's gonna do it. She succeeded in doing what she said she was gonna do when Anthony started come around, keeping him away from her sister, though I don't think she would have ever realized that it ends up with her married to him though.

Sophie - Kindness

Kindness is doing good towards one and all, having everyone's best interests at heart. Truly, if anyone embodies this, it's gonna be Sophie. She has been through so much in her life, but she was always trying to be kind to others even if their behavior isnt kind to her. Biggest example is when it came down to being thrown in jail, she didn't wish her abuser, Araminta any harm. She just wanted to live in peace in the country with maybe Benedict.

Penelope - Patience

Patience means forbearance and endurance through moderation, resolving conflicts, and injustice peacefully. I don't think anyone is really surprised by this one. Not only is Penelope’s enduring love for Colin a testament to her patience, but also, in a way, so is her job as Lady Whistledown. The way she gathers and picks through gossip among the ton, choosing mercy among those who don't deserve the scorn of her pen.

Simon - Humility

Humility is being aware of one's greatness but still being modest and giving of respect. I think I chose this one for Simon mainly . Yes, he is a Duke, and he very much worked for it, but he really doesn't brag about it. He does his duty and is actually pretty humble. Add in his deference towards Lady Danbury as his elder and kind of mentor I feel like this fits.

Phillip- Temperance

Temperance is a practice of self-control, abstention, and moderation. What comes to mind for Phillip with this is his temper and his refusal to take a mistress while married to Marina. He is very aware of what his temper could do should he lose as from the example he had with his own father who Phillip refused to be like especially for the twins.

Michael - Chasity

I can hear you all, Michael is the merry rake. He is a hoe! Chasity, though, is the ability to overcome temptation and make a conscious effort to avoid distractions. What mainly comes to mind with this and why I gave Michael this outside of the process of elimination is Michael's steadfast resolve to hide his feelings for Francesca. Particularly when he left for India. I know part of him did it because he was having his own mental breakdown but it was probably one of the best decisions he could have made for himself and Francesca as they worked through the loss of John.

Gareth - Modesty

I know this could also fall under humility, but we have vanity up above, and modesty is the opposite, so we are rolling with it. Gareth kind of got this one via process of elmenation, but I find it still works. Gareth fights with his stepdad so much that he's truly not happy until he allows himself to reach a level of modesty with Hyacinth that he shows hey this is what I am and what will most likely be the work for the rest of my life. It's through this that he becomes much happier and allows his relationship with Hyacinth to deepen.

Lucy - Charity

Charity is the willingness to go out of your way to help others, even at the cost of yourself. We all know Lucy always just wants to see her loved ones happy. She wants them to not squander away the precious gift that is a choice so she helps as much as she can.

Eight deadly sins: Bridgerton partners edition

Companion piece to my 8 deadly sins Bridgerton siblings edition. So let's get started

Kate: Wrath

I think I chose her as Wrath because its the driving force behind most of her actions in TVWLM. Take playing pall mall, she doesn't want to win, she just wants Anthony to lose. Anthony pisses her off so much during their book that her almost in perpetual state of annoyance drives most of the actions she takes and also, it is often mentioned in later books, how much Anthony dreads making his wife angry. If you ask me, out of both of them it's Kate who has a tiny bit of an anger management problem. ( She's capable of ruining Maria Rosso whole career in a pique of annoyance, just sayin)

Sophie: Lust

Self explanatory. Sophie spent her entire book acutely aware that her lust for Benedict was a particularly terrible weakness of hers and as such she guarded herself against sleeping with him with all trough thick and thin. So much that when she does fall into bed with Benedict it makes her feel like she betrayed herself and makes her want to immediately run away from the situation.

Penelope: Pride

Penelope's pride was what ultimately led to her downfall. So proud of Lady Whistledown, so happy to have made a name for herself right under the ton's nose, so confident nobody would ever figure it out. Penelope likes being the smartest person in the room, she likes the invisible power her secret gives her. So much that the moment Cressida tried to take credit for LW Penelope's pride wouldn't let her get away with it! And her hurt pride also leads her to lash out at Colin when he discovers her secret. It's her life work! She's not going to let anyone minimize what she's achieved

Simon: Vanity

He does think he's hottest snack in the room and needs protection from matchmaking mamas. No Seriously all jokes aside, for someone that insecure, he does have a very high opinion of himself that borders on vanity. Simon has worked all his life to build his public image, to hide the parts of him that his father deemed undersirable and cultivate an image of aristocratic aloofness. It's Daphne seeing past all that, which makes Simon break character and start liking her

Phillip: Sloth

More like, he was content with the bare minimum, before Eloise came into his life. Most of Phillip's sins in TSPWL can be blamed on inaction, some because he didn't know what to do,(deal with the aftermath of Marina's death) others because he was too passive to actually do what needed to be done (take charge of the raising of his children) Phillip is content with inaction, with isolation and distance. That's all he's ever known. At least until Eloise lights a fire under him and pushes him to make things right

Michael: Gluttony

I guess I put Michael in this category because Gluttony is the sin of overindulgence and he's the merry rake. Michael is an overindulgent person, not just in Francesca's eyes, but also in the eyes of everyone else. Which makes it ironic that the only thing he's had restraint in, has been his desire for Francesca.

Gareth: Greed

His greed comes in good faith okay. We still love him. But truth be told he still has to replenish his family fortune by marrying an heiress and he's still looking for the family diamonds for this reason. Gareth's greed is ultimately channeled into healthy outlets but we all know that had lady Danbury left him to his own devices, he would undoubtedly have married for money

Lucy: Envy

Like Gregory, Lucy ended up getting envy by process of elimination. Which is fitting considering that while she doesn't Envy anyone's life, she does envy the fact that they have a choice in the outcome of said life. Lucy's entire life has been controlled by her uncle while Hermione and Gregory did grow up with families that let them have a choice in how they wanted their lives to be. Even Richard has more choices than she does. And Lucy envies them for this. Not to the point of wishing anyone ill, but yes to the point of trying to make sure the people she loves don't squander the chances they got, because she doesn't get to have those chances

An: honestly this post was hard because I do think all the Bridgerton partners are Angelic beings who have done nothing wrong. Still I did my best with the prompt

[romanarose]

Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside: Chapter 30

Steven Grant x OC X Marc Spector

Story Masterlist

Pervious part : Next part

Fic Summary: Steven meets Sam and they strike up a quick relationship, both kindhearted and loving, they fall fast. But both have a lot going on. Steven had Marc and Moon Knight, and Sam has mental health problems of her own. Slowly, Steven starts to put together pieces of her story as Sam starts to get to know Marc and Jake.

Chapter summer: Sam goes missing, the boys find her in a position they had been worried about for a long time.

WARNINGS!!!!! Warnings are gonna have a lot of spoilers so skipa head if you dont want spoilers!!! Drinking, smoking, refernces to sex, but most importantly, hhuuuuuugggeeeee warning for suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. It like..... it's really rough, y'all. But ngl i think I kinda popped off on it this. Like. I went hard. Might be some of my best work. Anyway, mind the warnings.

How many song references can you catch? Idk why I put so many in this one.

************

"Well, I woke up to the sound of silence and cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight

And I found you with a bottle of wine, your head in the curtains and heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said “we are not

We are not shining stars” this I know, I never said we are

Though I've never been through Hell like that

I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

~Carry on, fun.

Where’s Sam?

“I don’t know, I woke up and she was gone. Sam?” Jake called out her name, hoping he just didn’t see her

Steven took the body, standing up and going to the kitchen.

Her cigarettes aren’t on the counter

Maybe she’s smoking?

At 3 AM?

Steven ran down the stairwell, not patient enough to wait for the elevator Pick up pick up pick up Steven mumbled, calling Sam’s phone again and again. When they reached the bottom of the stairs and out the door, the area where Sam usually smoked outside the building was empty and she wasn’t answering his calls.

Call Jessica and Elena, see if they know

Elena didn’t pick up, probably passed out drunk on this warmer Friday night. Jessica answered, despite the time, but she didn’t know where she was. This only succeeded in worrying Jessica, who insisted on going out and looking for her. Steven refused, saying having Jessica wandering the streets of London would only serve to distract Steven. He promised to text when he found her. 

This is your fucking fault, Jake, fuck you

A pause, as Jake Lockley was uncharacteristically quiet, processing the words. Excuse me?

So you can manage to keep working for Khonshu, being his stupid fucking fist of vengence, but you waited until after Jordan attacked, cut, beat and molested her to kill him?

Marc, that’s not fair but no one was listening to him

I told her before, I would’ve done it if I hadn’t thought it would get you in trouble with her

And after we found out about you? You don’t do it then?

Marc, she didn’t want you guys to kill him, she made that clear

Well she doesn’t always know what’s best for herself

Jesus c h r i s t Marc she’s 25, she’s not a fucking child.

Answer me, Jake

You don’t want to do this

Fucking answer me

I tried, okay? I tried to find him and I couldn’t.

You didn’t think to ask Khonshu?

A long pause

Marc, just leave it alone

Maybe you should listen to him, Marc

Answer me!

Fine, Khonshu was pissed because I couldn’t take the body hardly at all anymore, so he refused to give me any information

Another long pause

What?

Yeah.

So, the reason Jordan hurt her…

Marc don’t do this.

Is because I refused to share the body with you?

Stop! stop feeling so bloody guilty about everything all the goddamn time! I can’t fucking take it!

It’s my fault this happened, and it’s my fault she’s gone!

Can we focus on finding her first? Then deal with this?

A voice Steven knew all too well, but hadn’t heard in nearly a year rang through.

Look up, little bug

Steven did as he was told, not questioning why Khonshu decided to appear at this time, but thankful for him, for once. When his eyeline found the rooftop, he felt the wind get knocked out of him as he saw a single leg dangling over and a body laid out on the top.

Sam

If Jake and Marc were arguing still, he couldn’t hear them through the thrumb of blood rushing through his head. There were no thoughts, just Get to the roof.

He carefully opened the door to the rooftop access, not wanting to startle her.

She was laying out on the wall, a cigarette in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other. She didn’t even look as he tentatively stepped towards her. There was a half empty bottle of vodka on the ground.

“Should’ve known you’d come here. Can’t get shit past you three.” Her voice was derisive as she looked up at the sky.

Steven spoke carefully, trying impossibly hard to hide the anxiety threatening to boil over and scream like a kettle of water ready for tea. “What are you doing up here, sweetheart?” He spoke as casually as if he found her in the kitchen after bed. 

“Deciding whether or not to jump.” Was her blatant answer.

Jesus Christ. Jake’s normally steady voice breathed out with a shake.

Grab her, Steven. Steven, get her away from there.

Be careful, don’t scare her

Steven took a tentative step forward. “Can you maybe step away from the ledge, darling? Maybe we can talk about this?

“Wish you would step back from the ledge my friend” Sam sang to herself. She was drunk.

“Can we… maybe we can go for a walk, take a breath?” He coaxed with a few more steps, so close to her.

She held out a hand. “Stop, or I swear to god I’ll roll over.”

Steven froze. Get. Her. Away. Marc insisted. “You don’t have to do that, can you tell me what’s-”

“Stoooooooop” she groaned out. “Stop trying to fix things, stop trying to talk about things. Sometimes shit just SUCKS, Steven.” Her words were sluring together as she took another swig of the wine.

He nodded slowly, hands up, open palmed. “Okay, right then, shit just sucks. It can suck away from the ledge, yeah? We can suck together”

Finally, Sam turned to look at him. “It’s never going to suck together, Steven. Three of you can try, but you’ll never get it. And y’all got yer own things I’ll never understand either. But you will never understand how this feels. You will never know what it feels like to have your body repeatedly violated for what feels like hours, for it to end, only for him to show up a decade later and violate you again.” She paused, face twitching back tears. “I’m going to sit up now, don’t move. I’m not jumping, but I will if you try to touch me” She warned.

Steven had to physically stop Marc from taking the body as he watched Sam sling her other leg over the edge as she faced the city. He noticed her shoulders were shaking. “I know that… that I can’t understand what you’ve been through, or what Marc and Jake have, for that matter. But I love you, I love you and I need you here with me. Nothing will happen to you again, no one will-”

“That’s what you said last time” She spoke, almost sing-songy.

Steven shut his eyes tight, wishing Marc hadn’t heard that. “I know, love, I know. Maybe that’s not a fair promise to make. And I’m sorry.” He opened them again, forcing himself too, just to make sure she was still there. “And I’m sorry, I am so sorry I wasn’t there, that I couldn’t-

“Doooooon’t” She drawled out, waving her hand. “I know you guys -oof- all feel guilty, especially Marc. Fucker feels guilty for everything, jesus christ…” She muttered off, losing her train of thought. “It’s not any of your fault. None of this.” She glanced back at Steven. “Make sure Marc knows that.” She turned back, distracted by the stars in the sky. Starlight…

“You can tell him, because you aren't going to jump” Steven shook his head as if he were willing it to happen, willing her to safety. “Just let me help-”

“You can’t help, Steven!” She raised her hands, wine flying out of the bottle she was fisting. “That’s the thing!” Sam set the bottle down and lit another cigarette, glancing at him over her shoulder and raising an eyebrow. “There is no help. You can’t just fix this.” She shook her head, looking back again.

“Maybe…” Steven took a silent step forward while her back was turned. She was wobbly, the effects of nearly an entire bottle of wine and some vodka getting to her. He didn’t like how she teetered around the edge. “Maybe there isn’t a way for me to fix you, but maybe we can be broken together?”

She shook her head. She felt like Inspector Javert in Les Mis, trailing the edge of the bridge, debating whether or not it was worth it to keep going. “You all deserve better than me, and I’m too selfish to leave… I don’t know what other options there are.” Sam glanced at the street, so far below her, and shuttered, leaning back again. Javert has his life saved by ValJean, and still decided to throw it all away rather than be wrong. Sam couldn’t help but feel his suicide a bit foolish, comparatively.

Marc took the body. “There is no better than you, Brightside. You’re all I want, you’re all I need, you’re everything…” He tried, for the sake of keeping calm, not to cry. Marc Spector didn’t cry, not hardly ever. But when he was so close to losing her…

Sam scoffed. “There is so much better than me.”

Jake saw it before any of the others, the teeter that went too far. Whether it was intentional and she was jumping, or the alcohol had taken its toll, it didn’t matter. Jake lunged for her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and another as she tried to break free and push herself off. That was intentional. “STOP!” She screamed as they collapsed backwards on the floor of the roof, Sam fighting and screaming to get out of their grasp as Marc took the body. “LET GO!” Sam was in hysterics, no longer fighting to live, but fighting to die. “IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME GO!” She shrieked at the top of her lungs, begging him to give up, let her go, let her die. But Marc never would.

Eyed pinched closed as his heart shattered for Sam, he wrapped her up the way he had done so many times before, only this time he hooked his legs around hers and grabbed her hands, his significantly stronger body keeping her in place. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like trapping her or holding her against her will, but he couldn’t let go, not when he had almost seen her push herself off the roof. She continued fighted even as she ran out of ‘let me go please, let me go’ was her unholy repetition, one that Marc will surely hear in his nightmares from then on. But as long as she was there, as long as he could hold her hand when he woke up at night the way she held his, he’d be okay.

He squeezed her hands. Left, Right, left, right, until she started to calm down. Marc felt her chest starting to heave.

“Are you going to throw up?” He asked.

“Why…” she panted, suddenly very, very, tired. “Why would I throw up?” She asked with a condescending air despite the obvious signs. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because that’s what you always do when you panic?” He said sardonically, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Or maybe, because of the vodka you were drinking straight?” 

“Oh fuck” She mumbled.

Marc moved quickly, getting her up on her knees and trying to keep her short hair back. Unlike previous times where he simply made a make-shift ponytail, this time he had to practically make a headband with both hands to stop her short, layered hair from falling in her face. Her body shook with violent heaves as Sam threw up her half-digested dinner. Vegan burritos that Steven made. Her favorite. She might never eat one again.

When she seemed done, Marc pulled her back, arm coming back to her waist as he rested against the generator. There they sat in a long silence, Marc’s usual position returned. His hold on her was no longer desperate and fearful, his legs no longer keeping her in place. Sam rested her head against Marc’s chest as she curled up in his arms. Marc started first. “I’m sorry” Came the apology. Sam knew he would do that eventually, about something.

She groaned. “What for.”

“For last night.” He said as if it was obvious.

Sam laughed dryly, borderline mocking. “Are you kidding me, Marc? What could you possible be sorry for, giving me an orgasm?

Marc didn’t appreciate that. “Sam, I fucked you, then you tried to kill yourself!”

Marc… Please stop, I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself

You don’t have to carry the entire world. It’s doesn’t all have to rest on you

Sam rolled her eyes with her whole head. “Oh for fucks sack, Marc, stop! Steven did most of the fucking and you know it!”

Sam’s back

“Not everything thing is about you! And I know, I know that’s hypocritical of me to say, seeing as I make everything about me, all the time” Her initial point was lost, the drunken rambling taking over. “I know I’m not the center of the universe…” She reached back to feel his face; Marc leaned into her touch. “But you keep spinning ‘round me just the same…”

Marc burr tied his face in her new haircut, the smell so distinctly her, despite the salon shampoo “You’re the center of my universe. Our universe. Sam, you are our center of gravity, our nucleus pulling us in, together…”

Sam felt tears pickling in her eyes as she settled further into him, Marc wrapping his arms tighter. “I’m tired. I just… I can’t keep doing this, Marc. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“I know, Sam, I know. But I promise, it will get better. I know it will.”

“How?”

He sighed. “I was going to kill myself, years ago. Things were… really bad. I didn’t think they could be fixed. But I was given a second chance. And I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but things did get better. I’m at a place now that I never thought I could be.”

A dry laugh. “This is better for you?”

He returned it with a small laugh. “Well, maybe not right now. I can’t stand seeing you like this. But overall, yeah. I’m much happier with you, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life.”

A small smile crept on her face. She turned to look at him “Even dealing with my family?”

Marc tried to brush the hair from her face, remembering now that she had bangs and that was the point. “Even if it means putting up with Jake.” He felt Sam laugh at that. “I mean it, Brightside, I won’t stop him from fronting anymore, I’ll stop being a dick, and if you love him and you want to date him too-”

How many fucking times do I gotta tell you, pendejo-

Now Sam was really laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

She was still giggling. As much as Marc was confused, he was happy to hear her laugh. She could laugh at him all she wanted as long as she was laughing.

“Marc, you know how you, me, and Steven have nicknames for each other? Steven calls me sweetheart, you call me brightside, I call Steven Sunshine and you, Starlight?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you never noticed what Jake calls me?”

Marc was still confused. “Mija and manita”

“Do yoooouuuu know what those mean?” The alcohol making her toy with him.

Marc shrugged. “I just figured they were his flirty spanish nicknames.”

Sam look up at the love of her life, beaming. “I can’t believe you don’t know Spanish”

“I know some!” He defended, planting a kiss of her forehead. “You gonna tell me what they mean?”

“My daughter and little sister, Marc. He’s like a brother to me. That’s it. Okay?”

It suddenly fucking made sense.

Do you beleive me when I say I care about her?

For once, Marc did.

Can I talk to her, mate?

“Steven wants to talk, is that okay?”

She nodded, feeling sleepy in his arms.

“Hello love” Steven took off his jacket and pulled it on her like a blanket. Despite the warmth of the alcohol, she was shivering. “Gave us quite a scare there, thought we lost you.”

“m’sorry, Sunshine. I love you. I don’t wanna leave you guys, I’m just… I’m tired”

Steven started to massage her scalp, lulling her to sleep after the dreadful evening. “I know, Sweetheart. I know.”

“I just don’t know how I’m supposed to wait years for things to get better. I’m exhausted now.”

Steven thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “Mary’s First Communion is next month, yeah?” Steven appealed to Sam’s love of her siblings.

“Yeah…”

“So maybe… maybe you don’t have to stay alive forever. Just try to make it through next month so you can see her and your family for that?” He suggested.

Sam considered this proposition. “Then what?”

“Then, well then you graduate in May! So you can just hold out another month to see all your hard work pay off.”

“Then what?”

“Then… then we’ll find the next thing, then the next thing, then the next, until it’s better. We’ll take it a little bit at a time.”

“Okay… thatsoundsgood.” The words meshed together and she was nearly asleep in his arms. “I love you, Steven with a V”

“And I love you, Just Sam.”

Jake?

Yeah?

Thank you… and… I’m sor-

You’re welcome, hermano.

**************

I genuinely appreciate y'all reading so, so much. 3 chapters left. I swear things are on the up and up now. It's gonna be okay. Sam is gonna be okay. Marc, Jake, and Steven are gonna be okay.

Promise.

I think I wanna do a bonus chapter from either Chris or Jessica's perspective, which would y'all prefer?

Comments mean the world, and reblogs are essential for sharing my work! Love y'all @ahookedheroespureheart @kr-mlk @mt2sssss @cherryvalentine1 @tippycakes26 @missdictatorme @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @nicepeony

[luckydragon10]

P&P Chapters 5 and 6

(Chapters 3 and 4)

Ahh, let's see, where did we leave off on the scorecard?

Mr. Darcy: -15 Lizzy: +5

Off we go!

Chapter 5

The distinction had perhaps been felt too strongly.

The thing I respect most so far is the subtle-yet-vicious shade that the narrator drops everywhere. The sentences following this one are, however, less subtle.

“Oh! you mean Jane, I suppose, because he danced with her twice. To be sure that did seem as if he admired her—indeed I rather believe he did—I heard something about it—but I hardly know what—something about Mr. Robinson.”

Madam, I am removing your em dash privileges. Also, you ain't sublte.

“My overhearings were more to the purpose than yours, Eliza,” said Charlotte. “Mr. Darcy is not so well worth listening to as his friend, is he?—Poor Eliza!—to be only just tolerable.”

Took me a second to match Eliza with Elizabeth. Oof, many nicknames.

“Aye—because she asked him at last how he liked Netherfield, and he could not help answering her; but she said he seemed very angry at being spoke to.”

He was probably dreading being spoken to the whole time until she said something. Really, there's a way to be a fun asshole and a way to be a turd, and this is NOT fun asshole behavior. Still, not offensive enough to make any further deductions at present.

Mm, with so many women present, it's very easy to be confused by who's speaking since not all lines are attributed.

I wonder if part of the point is that it doesn't always even matter who's saying what?

“Pride,” observed Mary, who piqued herself upon the solidity of her reflections, “is a very common failing, I believe.

There we go, lean into that title!

Anybody know whether Jane Austin decided the book title early on or late in the writing process? I won't consider that a spoiler, just meta.

Mrs. Bennet getting into a squabble with a little boy certainly says something about her maturity level...

NEXT!

~~~

Chapter 6

Charlotte: "In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels."

Yikes. That should not be taken as universally sound advice.

Charlotte again: "When she is secure of him, there will be leisure for falling in love as much as she chooses.”

I mean, I get it? It's a problem of being able to spend time together. But still, yikes. Also, "as much as she chooses," PFFT. I shall love you exactly this much and no more. Beautifully British.

Lizzy: "But these are not Jane’s feelings; she is not acting by design. As yet, she cannot even be certain of the degree of her own regard, nor of its reasonableness."

Are you in the right book? That sounds very sensible. You really don't fit in here. I'm giving you 5 points for sensibility, bringing you to +10.

“You make me laugh, Charlotte; but it is not sound. You know it is not sound, and that you would never act in this way yourself.”

CALL HER OUT! READ HER FOR FILTH!

Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticise. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying.

Mr. Darcy, sir, you are embarrassing. I'm almost tempted to make more deductions.

This is developing much differently than I expected.

Lizzy: “But if he does it any more I shall certainly let him know that I see what he is about. He has a very satirical eye, and if I do not begin by being impertinent myself, I shall soon grow afraid of him.”

Absolutely the right way to respond to someone creeping on your conversations. You get another +5.

“Did not you think, Mr. Darcy, that I expressed myself uncommonly well just now, when I was teasing Colonel Forster to give us a ball at Meryton?” “With great energy; but it is a subject which always makes a lady energetic.” “You are severe on us.”

Help. A murder was committed.

Just wallow in that a bit, Mr. Darcy. Enjoy that wallow. Lizzy is now at +20 points total. Mr. Darcy has injured himself much more than I could possibly, so I feel no need to make deductions, and he stands at -15.

Oh, wow, Sir William Lucas, you dolt, don't... don't do that to them. AAHHH whyyy.

“Indeed, sir, I have not the least intention of dancing. I entreat you not to suppose that I moved this way in order to beg for a partner.”

I love her? I love her very much? Another +5.

“Miss Elizabeth Bennet!” repeated Miss Bingley. “I am all astonishment. How long has she been such a favourite?—and pray when am I to wish you joy?”

I feel as though the situation got out of hand VERY quickly. WTF just happened? Miss Bingley, calm your ass down!

~~~

Lizzy did very well for herself these two chapters. Mr. Darcy... not so much.

(Chapters 7 and 8)

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Wounded Love (Lady Dimitrescu/F!Reader)

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: M for mature. Blood, more blood, heavy language, seriously lots of blood. Literally the bloodiest/most detailed thing I've written. Genre: Super angst with some fluff to ease the pain. We're talking putting honey in your cup of poison to make it taste better. The ending is split, with both a happy and a sad ending. Warnings: Minor surgery (technically?) while the patient is fully awake (that's the reader, btws), blood loss, graphic depiction of a wound and how said wound is taken care of. Possible trigger for self-harm, as the reader is performing part of the surgery themselves. Also brief mention of cannibalism in the bad ending. This may very well be a Dead Dove: Do Not Eat sort of thing. Notes: While I have more medical knowledge than the average person, due to my Girl Scouts training + having a mother as a nurse, I am in no way shape or form a medical professional, and do not suggest that the methods of treatment used in this fic be taken seriously. If you find yourself seriously injured, do not attempt to replicate anything you read here. Only a portion of this is based on a real-ass incident I went through, the rest is based on a dream, and what I experienced was not what you want to do in an emergency.

{Wounded Love}

This was a mistake. Blood stains your leg, your fingers, and bruises start to form all over your exhausted body. And for what? Why had you, a tiny, fragile human, dared to pass through this damned, lycan-infested forest? Because a woman who didn’t even love you asked you to. Now you were going to die, body certain to get left out in the cold or reduced to a pile of gnawed bones. If you had more strength remaining, you might have slammed your hand into the ground in frustration, or screamed until your lungs burned from something other than frost.

But that wouldn’t get you anywhere. Wouldn’t help you get back to the castle, wouldn’t ease the racing of your heart. So you settle for the only thing that might do any good: One quick motion pulls the scarf from your neck, sending a chill down your spine that you promptly ignore. Even with shaky hands and numb fingers, your experience is enough to let you wrap the cloth around your leg, tying the ends in a knot to secure it. The pressure hurts, just not enough for you to prefer bleeding out. A test step reveals that walking is mildly more difficult now.

“I’m going to haunt her,” you muse, under your breath, tears starting to freeze at the corner of your eyes. Still, you are as quietly determined as ever, and so once more you limp down the path. Every time you put weight on your injured leg it protests harder. If not for the snow and ice covering the ground, you might have quickly searched for a walking stick. “What could be so important about this damn package? Couldn’t Doug or whatever-his-fucking-name-is deliver it? Man can practically teleport, and here I am, watching as blood loss and hypothermia race to see who can kill me first.”

Gods were you angry. Why had this happened so soon after you had settled in? Finally you had been comfortable in Castle Dimitrescu, no longer as frightened of the residents, even finding them… charming, in a way. Then the Lady of house called to you for what she claimed to be a simple errand. You had believed her, even when she explained that you would have to leave the relative safety of her home. What a fool you had been.

“What a fool she must be,” you murmur, “to think me safe here. To think I could outlast wolfmen prowling the village outskirts.” Would she even care if she saw you now? Would she be surprised, disappointed? Would she do something to change your fate? There was no reason for her to do so. It didn’t matter how much you had helped her, how much she claimed to appreciate what you did (heavy lifting, repair of clothing, massages). You were as replaceable as any other Maiden there was. And that, that was what made you have a double-take. It came to you in that moment, a thought so painful that you could not deny it was the truth. “She never thought I would survive.”

Bitterness coats your tongue, like blood in your throat, and your brain demands that you destroy your cargo, the very thing that got you sent here in the first place. You almost do it. Feet stopping, arms shrugging the carrying straps off, bloody hands taking hold of it. Tears fall, just two, and hit the package. At that moment your plan changed. This new idea would be far, far more satisfying… as long as you succeeded.

------------------------

Spite was one hell of a drug. Enough of it and you could march your warm corpse right back to the castle, fist banging on the front door with everything you had. The path had been shorter than you thought, thankfully, but it had still taken so much out of you. Now you were leaning against the door, sliding down it, unable to support your own weight. Nothing inside the castle stirred. Were they ignoring you? Was Alcina really going to let you die inches from your “home”? Fuck that, you thought.

“Alcina!” You scream, loud as you can, startling the birds in the distant trees. The word echoes around you and rattles inside your ribs. It’s not enough. “Damn it, I am seconds away from dying, get out here now so I can look you in your fucking eyes!” Something tears a little in your throat, turning the last of your words into a hellish screech, leaving you to gasp and croak in the snow. You go to wipe your tear-filled eyes with your hands, only to remember just how much blood they’re covered in.

Sobs overtake you in just a few moments. You’re blinded by tears, deafened by sorrows, and numb from all the cold. In the aching seconds before you black out, you can only barely make out the silhouette of someone rushing to your side…

------------------------

The first thing you feel when you wake up is mind searing pain. You try to jolt upwards, only to find a pair of strong, gloved hands holding you down. Someone shouts something, but you can’t make it out, and you feel another hand gently squeeze one of your own. Pained gasps escape your throat one after the other, but whatever is hurting you doesn’t stop. It takes a full minute for you to adjust enough to make sense of where you are. At last, you understand what’s being said.

“-it’s okay, shhh, please, we’re trying to help,” says none other than Lady Dimitrescu herself. She’s the one holding your hand, doing her best not to hurt you with her grip, trying desperately to calm you down. One the other side of you, Cassandra is positioned to hold you down. There’s a tight-lipped scowl on her face, and her brow is furrowed, but she’s not looking at your face, but rather eying somewhere in the opposite direction. Following her gaze, you find her older sister is sitting near your injured leg, and is undeniably the source of some of your pain. In one hand she holds a bottle of alcohol (notably not the wine her family produces), the other holding a wet cloth to your wound. No wonder it stings so much.

“Shit, shit, stop,” you growl, barely getting the words out. But all anyone does is look at you. Alcina’s mouth opens to speak, only for you to cut her off. “I’ve got medical training, for the love of Mother Miranda let me help! How long have I been unconscious?” This time Bela stops, glancing at her mother for direction. The grip on your torso grows looser, with Cassandra evidently heeding your words, and you take the chance to sit up, careful not to move your leg. At this point you realize that there’s a needle of sorts in your arm, attached to a tube, which trails up into a blood bag. It’s clearly been improvised with equipment from the “wine-making” part of the castle.

“Fifteen minutes at most,” a new voice chimes, from somewhere behind you. “I got that cloth you wanted, mother, but something tells me I’m not done fetching things.” Ah, Daniela Dimitrescu. Was the whole family helping you?... Why? As much as you wanted answers, there wasn’t (currently) time for questions. Not when one glance at your leg tells you that some of your flesh is rapidly decomposing. The wound was made only an hour ago, and already it was getting deadlier than you could even process.

“I need a sharp, clean knife, a needle with thread, a glass of water, and someone needs to put a metal tool, sterilized, on the stove, right now,” you said, finding it easier to talk now that no one was cleansing your wound. Without hesitation Daniela dispersed into a cloud of insects, heading towards the kitchen, while Cassandra stood up and moved towards the stairs.

“Guess I’ll get the needle,” she said, sounding rather unenthusiastic.

“What are you planning?” Alcina asks, more concerned than you had ever heard her before. Attempting to reassure her, you manage a small smile before explaining.

“Got scratched and slobbered on by a lycan. Whatever they have, it’s infectious. If I want to save my leg, or at least have a chance at surviving, I have to take measures to reduce the likelihood of an infection,” you say. Now Alcina is slowly stroking her thumb across your hand, eyes narrowed with concern. There’s a look on her face that you can’t quite parse, something she’s not saying. For now you ignore it and continue going over your plan. “The best thing would be to amputate. The tourniquet might have helped prevent the saliva from getting further into my body- and I do mean might- but I can’t keep it on forever. Problem is… I don’t want to lose it. God, I’m terrified of that, and with what we have in the castle I… I’d be more likely to die of shock than not. So, well, forget that idea.

“I’m just going to remove the wound. By making a bigger wound. It’s crazy, I know, but this will kill me if we do nothing. It will probably kill me if we do. The technical term is some shit like ‘de-bride-ing’?... No, debridement, I think. Except normally the poor fucker getting cut open is asleep for the procedure.” By the time you’re done, Lady Dimitrescu is looking at you with horror. Yeah, you had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate the idea. “Look, if this is too much… if it’s not worth saving me, if you’d rather give me a quick death, I understand. If I were-”

“Don’t be foolish, dear. You will not die, not as long as something can be done about it,” Alcina replies, quickly, eager to stop hearing you talk about dying. It’s… strange to hear her sound so confident about saving you, even stranger to realize what she called you. As if reading your thoughts, she shifts in her seat, avoiding your gaze for a moment. Shyness didn’t suit her, and you imagined it was more about her finding the right words. When she speaks, she’s looking right at you again. “I have hesitated to tell you the truth, and now I find the world playing a cruel trick on me, trying to take that which I adore. But I don’t want to aggravate your stress right now. Please, think nothing of what I have said.”

Before you could reply, footsteps reached your ears, and soon enough Daniela returns. In one hand she holds a large pitcher of water. In the other? Several knives, of various sizes, one of which you’re pretty sure you’ve seen Cassandra playing with before. As soon as you see her your face lights up, glad to be able to start the procedure.

“Oh thank fuck- or, I mean, thank you, Lady Daniela,” you stutter, reaching out as she offers you the items. Thankfully Bela had already made room on the table at your side, where she had set the bottle of alcohol down. For a moment you had forgotten that she was there. Had she already known about her mother’s feelings? Based on her lack of reaction, you could only assume that she was well aware. “I’m gonna scream, B-T-dubs. Just, uh, cover your ears?” You offer, already holding your chosen knife (big enough to be effective, small enough to offer precision).

“So… you’re going to do this yourself? Didn’t think you had it in you, red. Try not to cut anything important. Wouldn’t want to have to clean that mess up,” Daniela teases. As soon as she’s finished she has to shift into a swarm, as Bela flat out throws a knife at her. For a moment you freeze, watching as Alcina rises to her full height, staring her eldest daughter down. Behind her, Daniela reforms, clearly using her mother as a shield. “I was just trying to relieve the tension, jeez. It’s like you think she’s already dead.”

“Don’t speak another word!” Alcina snaps, sending a frightening stare towards Daniela. You cough, awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Meanwhile Bela is pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers, clearly tired of dealing with her sister’s sense of humor. “No one will speak a word until this is finished, unless my dear needs something, understood?” Both the girls nod at that, neither feeling a need to risk any further ire.

“I’m just going to start working now,” you awkwardly chime, taking a deep breath before leaning in towards your injured leg. On closer inspection you can see a strange, dark residue in the wound. They’re specks, scattered along the length of it, and they seem more common the closer you look to the gash’s center. Gross, you think. Half curious, half checking for legitimate reasons, you bring your other hand to the cut and gently spread both sides apart. It hurts like hell, and you have to bite down on your lip to stop yourself from screaming. But sure enough, the residue is practically solid at the deepest point of the wound. “Those lycans really should be on leashes.”

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Daniela exchange looks with Bela, but neither of them disobey their mother (yet). Shaking the thought away, you finally get to the brunt of the task at hand. Your hand moves slowly, reluctant to inflict such damage against its own body. As soon as the tip of the knife touches your skin, you start to doubt your ability to do this. It takes looking at Alcina, seeing the way she watches you with equal parts concern and tenderness, to remind you why you’re doing this. Death just wasn’t something you could accept right now; not after what she had said, what she had implied.

The knife is fantastically sharp. Hardly any pressure is needed before your flesh gives away, cells letting go of their neighbors like it was a casual affair. You start at the left side of your injury, digging down a little, trying to only go as deep as you needed to. Tears formed in your eyes but you quickly blinked them away. As the first of many screams leaves your mouth, you turn and twist the knife, cutting to the right, then up. Like scooping the seeds out of a pumpkin. Fresh blood springs from the wound, starting to fill up the crevice. Quickly you discard the skin you removed by tossing it into the same bowl that Bela had put a bloody towel in earlier.

“Yes,” you shudder through gritted teeth, “this hurts so fucking bad. No, I don’t need someone to take over yet.” At this point neither of the present sisters are looking at you, seeming oddly uncomfortable at the sight of you cut up like this. Hadn’t they done worse to your fellow Maidens?... Whatever, the thought couldn’t last long when you still had work to do.

Next you take a fresh, damp cloth and dab at your injury, ignoring how it throbbed beneath your touch. Then you resumed cutting, forced to press the knife deeper in order to remove the spreading residue. If you had been a scientist, this would have been utterly fascinating to observe. Whatever had been in the lycan’s saliva was slowly eating at your flesh, but not outright dissolving it. No, it simply left the skin where it was, but killed and rapidly broke it down. Yes, it would have been fascinating, if not for the fact that there was a chance you wouldn’t be able to outpace the bacteria.

With this in mind you force yourself to hold in your next scream, hoping to make it easier for you to focus. The knife continued to cut, going lower, setting nerves alight as it did. Your vision starts to blur, and for a few seconds you think you’re going to black out. Someone says something you don’t hear, and then suddenly there’s a hand on top of your own. When your vision clears you see Bela is responsible, her grip keeping you from dropping the knife. She doesn’t let go until you give her a clear nod. Even then, she seems reluctant to let you continue.

Around this time is when Cassandra returns. Her footsteps catch your attention (it’s your understanding that carrying objects is much harder in swarm mode), and you spare her a quick glance before getting back to work. A few moments later she’s placing a set of needles and a long spool of thread next to you. Ironically, they’re the same tools that you’ve used to repair and adjust Alcina’s dresses over the past year. Hopefully they work just as well on flesh, you think. Your next thoughts are canceled out by unbelievable pain. More cries leave your lips, and your hand starts shaking. Panic is settling in fast, your movements getting sharper, leading you to make a brash decision: Time to care less about precision and more about speed.

“Distract me, please,” you gasp between grunts. No one responds at first, and you know they need clarification. Speaking is getting harder by the second, but you do your best. “Brain can’t process many stimulants, same time. Just- fuck- trace skin around wound, touch hair, anything.” Somewhere between your semi-broken sentences and screams, Alcina gets the message. She’s moving closer, now, behind you, one arm wrapping around your waist, the other rubbing gentle circles on your undamaged leg. Across from you Daniela is too busy pacing to help, though you can hardly blame her.

“Should I get the metal thing from the stove?” Cassandra asks, silently hoping that Dani hadn’t assumed someone else was going to handle that part. You’re still in too much pain to talk, so you half nod half grunt in response. Not bothering to say anything, the middle child takes off, swarm moving at what might be a new speed record.

As much as your hands are shaking, you still manage to cut away another strip of flesh, tossing it aside with even less care than before. This time Bela wipes the wound for you, practically reading your mind. The moment her hands are completely out of the way you start cutting again, crying out, throat shredded to pieces from all your screaming. Alcina sounds like she might be close to sobbing, but she doesn’t stop her movements, doing her best to distract you just like you had asked. Even Bela helps, now, tracing spots around your injury whenever she knows she won’t be in your way. The effect is minor, in the end, hardly making a dent in how much pain you’re processing.

If you survive this, though, you’re hugging every daughter as tight as you can and showering them with affection… but only after you finish doing the same for their mother.

“You are so brave,” Alcina murmurs next to your ear. It’s even clearer now how close she is to crying, her voice seconds away from cracking. Hearing her like this almost hurts as bad as the initial lycan attack did. “You are so strong. No other mortal could ever be your match. Do you understand, my dear? You are blessed, divine, and I love you so much.”

In any other setting, her words would leave you melting in her arms, radiating affection so strongly that you might as well have been radioactive. Instead, you are unable to respond, or even look her way. All you can do is press the knife to your skin again, showing your own feelings by destroying yourself for her.

The blade is starting to find more resistance, and you’re having to pause more often, spots appearing in your vision. Going faster only makes things worse, your hand threatening to slip. You’re determined to finish this, no matter what, but your need to control the situation is gradually making things worse. Alcina notices this before you do, and acts before you have a chance to protest.

“Bela, the knife,” she says, then tightens her grip on your waist. Your confusion shifts to panic as your arm is carefully, but forcefully, pulled away from your wound. “Can you finish the job?” It takes you a few moments to realize that Alcina isn’t talking to you. No, she’s speaking to her eldest daughter, who doesn’t hesitate to take the knife away from you. It’s so easy for her, between her strength and your weakness. “Don’t struggle. Let us finish this.”

Protests rise from your throat and die in your mouth. Pain flares harder now that Bela isn’t distracting you. Once more your vision goes dark, but this time there’s no pause, no hesitation. You are suffering, horribly, and the Dimitrescu family refuses to make you hurt longer than necessary. It’ll be over soon, you think, not knowing whether you refer to your pain or your life itself.

Something wet drops onto the back of your neck, then darkness overtakes you…

------------------------

“Damn those lycans, I should string Heisenberg up myself! They’re his responsibility, after all,” Lady Dimitrescu snarls, trying to ignore the tears in her eyes. Now that you’re unconscious, unable to hear what ails her, she feels free to voice her thoughts. “The damn things should never have come close to the path to the village.”

“What if she strayed from the path? Wouldn’t that explain it?” Bela suggests, even as her hands work to remove what seems to be the last piece of dead/infected flesh from your leg. She hates how the words feel in her mouth, hates suggesting that you of all people might have betrayed her mother’s trust. But it makes sense. After all, this whole mess, with you leaving the castle to retrieve a mysterious package, was all a test to see if you would try to run. It hadn’t been her idea, and Bela admitted to herself that she thought it was unnecessary.

“On the way back? Why would she bother getting the package if she intended to run?” Lady Dimitrescu asks, right as Cassandra returns. The middle child is practically juggling the metal spatula she’s carrying, irritated (not harmed) by the heat it produced. One of her brows perks up when she hears the conversation, but she keeps any thoughts she has to herself.

“Just a thought, mother, I didn’t quite believe it myself,” Bela chimes, after a pause. With that said she holds up her hand with pride, clutching between her fingers the last of the decaying flesh. The way the others react, one might have thought that a miracle had been performed. Daniela clapped her hands together, giggling a little, and finally stopped her pacing. “Don’t celebrate too much, now,” Bela reminded her, taking the spatula from Cassandra as she did. “There’s still plenty to do. It’s a good thing she’s not awake for this part.”

A good thing, indeed. She uses her fingers to spread the remaining skin a little, giving a quick examination, then deciding that she had successfully removed all remaining residue. Keeping her fingers where they were, she pressed the side of the spatula to your skin, putting the most pressure at the center of the wound. Three seconds passed, then she lifted her hand. A pause. She pressed it back into place, keeping a close eye on the affected area. This repeated several times, the gaps being necessary to prevent unintentional damage. Once the wound seemed properly closed she set the spatula aside.

“Is that it?... Did we save her?” Daniela asks, opting to finally sit down in a nearby chair. Something about her word choice makes both of her sisters scoff.

“I could sew it closed, as a precaution, but there’s no way I’d do it the way she had intended. It might be best to just give her time to rest, and see what she thinks when she gets back up,” Bela answers. For a moment her words hang in the air, but eventually Alcina gives a little nod and a hum.

“Very well. I shall carry her to my quarters, where she won’t be disturbed. Please, let one of the Maidens know to bring some food up this evening,” Alcina says, gently taking you into her arms as she does…

------------------------

BAD ENDING: It’s been six hours, with no sign of you waking up. Your other wounds had been examined, cleaned, and bandaged. Food had been carefully prepared and brought up to you, though it now remained on the bedside table, untouched. Alcina has gone to call Mother Miranda, intending to speak to her about the growing unrest of the lycans, as Heisenberg hadn’t answered his phone. For the first time since you returned you are alone. It is now, of all times, that you awaken. A gasp sends you into a coughing spree, forcing you into a sitting position. The space around you feels like it's moving, and your vision blurs. Blood spills from your mouth as you finally regain the ability to breathe.

Seconds later your vision clears, but what you see is enough to make you wish you couldn’t. The blood that spilled onto the sheets is a dark red… with even darker spots scattered throughout it. All at once you know what happened: Residue had hidden from you, or gone deeper than your wound, infecting you before you ever stood a chance. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes, but something deeper starts calling to you. Something older. Darker. It drags you to your feet, ignores the pain of your wounds, and sends you out the bedroom door.

Your mind is racing, thoughts never quite clear enough for you to understand. It doesn’t feel like you’re in control of your own movements. Was something else in charge, or were you operating on an infection powered autopilot? Answers weren’t coming, just bloodshed.

“You’re not supposed to be out of bed yet!” A voice calls out to you, making you turn to investigate. On the other end of the hallway is a maiden, one you instantly recognize. You’ve worked with her before, plenty of times, tag-teaming more tasks than you could count. She was like a sister to you. When she sees the blood staining your clothes, she gasps, then moves to support you. “Please, Lady Dimitrescu will be so upset if you-” her words melt into a blood curdling scream. For a moment you don’t understand.

And then you swallow, a chunk of hot meat slipping down your throat, and the scream dies down.

“What?...” You whisper, finally tasting the blood in your mouth, watching as your friend’s body falls to the floor. There’s a chunk of flesh missing from her neck, and the dots connect themselves in your head. You did that. Every part of you wants to scream, wants to cry out and beg someone to come kill you. Instead you fall to your knees, hard, uncaring. Your hands move themselves, grasping at the still warm corpse. Something has made you stronger, or at the very least removed the mental limits that kept you from destroying yourself. Flesh gives under your touch, tearing like paper, and you start crying as it reaches your mouth.

Footsteps approach, thundering fast, and you want to warn whoever it is. When you turn to look, you feel your hands let go of your meal. Your gaze meets that of a stunned Cassandra Dimitrescu, then drifts to the sickle in her hand.

“Kill me,” you growl, voice distorted, practically echoing. “Kill me now!” Not needing to be told a third time, Cassandra moves lightning quick, swarm-jumping forward before manifesting behind you, sickle dragging across your throat in one smooth motion. But it’s not enough. She realizes this, though, and slams her foot into your back, sending you tumbling forward. It’s enough to prevent you from countering, which gives her time to advance again, this time pulling a knife from her boot and driving it into the center of your back. When you scream, it’s not with your own voice, but that of a monster.

“Fucking fuck, what the fuck, red?” Daniella asks as she rounds the corner, eyes immediately landing on your bloodsoaked mouth. She’s quick to take in the scene, drawing a conclusion easily, even if it breaks her heart a little. Your vision fades as she approaches, and you know that it’s finally over. If only you had expired a few seconds earlier… because the last thing you hear is the startled cry of your would-be lover.

“No! No, darling, what happened-” Alcina finishes her sentence, but you do not hear it. You do not hear anything, anymore. You do not know it… but there will be hell to pay for your death.

------------------------

GOOD ENDING: When you awake, you find yourself in the softest sheets you’ve ever touched, a warm and familiar presence next to you. The first thing you see is Alcina’s sleeping face next to your own. She’s on her side, one arm around your waist, the covers pulled up to her hip. Warmth fills your chest as you take in the sight. For a few moments you just… appreciate this. Never before had you imagined that you would get to wake up next to the woman you loved so much. A sigh, one of bliss, leaves your lips. Slowly you move forward, gently placing a kiss to Alcina’s cheek. Seconds later her eyelids flutter open, and she tiredly takes you in.

“You’re… awake,” she murmurs, hardly awake herself. But her fatigue doesn’t last long. As soon as she’s fully processed the situation her eyes go wide. Then she’s pulling you closer, careful not to hurt you, and peppering little kisses over your face. “I’ve been so worried, dear. You scared us so much.” The hurt in her voice leaves you restless, making you curl up against her, desperate to soothe her worries. Moving hurts a little, but not enough to dissuade you from your goal.

“I’m sorry, love,” you say, tears pricking your eyes. “I’m okay, I’m alive, the plan worked out. You don’t have to fret for me anymore. I won’t leave you, I promise.” Slowly but surely, Alcina calms, exchanging kisses for softly running her fingers through your hair. There’s such love in her eyes that you can hardly believe you aren’t dreaming. “You’re amazing, Alcina. I could stay like this all day.”

“Maybe we should,” she offers, chuckling a little. Once again you give her a quick kiss, unable to resist the urge. “I should have never asked you to leave. I should have just trusted you.” The words give you pause, and you tilt your head in confusion. Realizing that you still didn’t know the full story, Alcina frowns. “The package is worthless, just a bundle of straw and a few rocks for weight. It was never what I cared about.”

Tension builds in your chest, and for a few seconds you have no idea how to react. It takes a minute for you to think, to connect the dots, but once you do it’s a tad bit easier to breathe. A scowl twists your lips as you think of what to say.

“If I had known that Heisenberg was forgoing his duties, I never would have sent you outside,” Alcina adds, the silence taking its toll on her.

“You shouldn’t have sent me either way,” you respond, bitterly, thinking of all that you had seen and heard on your journey. “I would have done anything to prove to you how I feel. There are other ways to show devotion- far less dangerous ways, at that.”

“I know, dear. You have every right to be angry… and watching you suffer has taught me all that I need to know,” Alcina says, still playing with your hair, trying to ease the tension. As upset as you about this recent revelation… it’s not enough to change how you feel about her, and you want her to understand that, fully and completely.

So you lean into her touch, let your eyes drift close for a moment, then softly place one of your arms around her as best as you can.

“We’ll need to talk about this more… just not right now. Right now, I need you, Alcina. I need to hold you, and be held by you, and just know that you’re here. That I’m here. That neither of us are going anywhere,” you say, resting your forehead against hers. “I need to feel safe, and your arms are the safest place I can imagine. Stay here with me?”

“It will be the easiest thing I have ever done.”

[watchmegetobsessed]

Prisoner - Bucky Barnes

a/n: hi everyone! i am really excited to share this with you, because this one was written for a writing challenge! it is part of @wkemeup​ ‘s 9k writing challenge and it’s the first time i take part in anything like this with a Bucky fic! not that i have many but im sure more is about to come lol! let me know what you thought after reading!

prompt: Character A is possessed/controlled and attempts to harm Character B. [B] refuses to fight back in fear of hurting [A].  

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: blood, violence, mind controlling, just the usual jazz lol

word count: 7.8k

masterlist

Bucky and you were a pair made in hell. Only that he is the only one out of the two of you who really went through the deepest and darkest corners of it while you were basically just waiting in the lobby, as you like to say it.

He wasn’t the only person HYDRA had plans with. Being an orphan from the age of four, you didn’t have the life you probably deserved. Abducted at the age of twenty, you lived in cells and labs for years before they gave you the serum, turning you into a super solider, with determined plans to turn you into a kind of winter soldier 2.0, eventually wiping your head like his and turning you into the perfect assassin. Only that before they could start with the torture, you were rescued by none other than Captain America during a raid on one of HYDRA’s secret bases.

The Avengers gave you shelter when you had absolutely nothing left in life. Your previous life was long forgotten, almost entirely non-existent, all you had is the safety these extraordinary people were offering you, that you took more than willingly.

You were there when Bucky was captured, still very much fighting with his own conscious. You were in the building when Zemo triggered him into being a murderer again and he broke free, fought his ex best friend, saved his life and then disappeared again. You often found yourself thinking about how you’d be just the same if you weren’t saved. How you’d be out there, used as just a toy to end lives.

You never had to go through the process of ripping this side of yourself out of your head, because they never succeeded with you. But Bucky didn’t have it as lucky as you did. When Shuri contacted you that he was awake from his hibernation and they were working on wiping the winter soldier out of him, you didn’t hesitate to drop everything and be there for him. You didn’t know him that well back then, but you felt like you shared a deep connection through the torturous things you had to go through. You were there for him until he finally became entirely himself. No more winter soldier, just Bucky.

The two of you have tens of missions together behind your back at this point. Partners in work, friends in life, that’s what you are. And in your dreams?

Definitely lovers.

Now as you are rotting in a dark and musty cell somewhere in the middle of Poland, you are starting to regret you never really told him how you feel. You had so many chances to come clear but you were too afraid of rejection and the possibility of ruining your strong friendship and most importantly partnership that you chose to keep it all bottled up inside you.

It might have been days or hours since they locked you in your cell, you wouldn’t know. You lost track of time and you’re not expecting to see the daylight anytime soon either. Are they looking for you? Or do they think you died? No one was around you when you were abducted and there were no signs left behind that would have let your team know you survived. There was a massive explosion near your location in the raid, anyone would easily think that you were caught in the middle of that.

Does Bucky think I’m dead too? Has he given up on me?

You’re starting to think you’ll never find that out. Just like how you’ll never find out what it’s like to grow old, have a home that’s not just a room in a facility, spend your days with your hobbies rather than trainings and missions.

As the thick metal door opens and a creak of light breaks the heavy darkness in your cell, you look up at the man who walks in. If your hands weren’t cuffed with fucking vibranium cuffs, you would easily kill him in a heartbeat along with the three bulky guards he brought with himself.

“It’s time to make a use out of you,” the man grinned before two guards grabbed you by your arms, dragging you out of the cell, taking you God knows here. Probably to your death.

“You have to check twice,” Buckly growled upon hearing Agent Hill’s report from what was found at the scene. Or what was not found.

“No signs of Y/N were found, Bucky. But that explosion was so massive, it wiped out everything in it’s close radius. If she stood close to that…” “But what if she didn’t?!” he snaps, barking at the innocent agent. The room falls silent, no one dares to speak up against Bucky’s raging anger. Fury steps forward and places a hand to the upset soldier’s shoulder as a soft warning to control himself. Bucky takes a deep breath before looking over at Fury, no longer determined to rip anyone apart who wants to argue with him.

“Let’s all calm down and see what we can do. Do you think she survived?” Fury simply questions him. Bucky taps on the panel and a map of the location pulls up on the big screen, showing a little red dot at the places where the team members were located last before the explosion.

“Her last location was far enough of it for her to survive,” he explains pointing at your dot.

“But if she moved just a little closer—“ Hill starts again, but she quickly silences herself when Bucky shoots her another warning look.

“I think she was captured. We can’t just assume that she is gone that easily,” he insists, refusing to even think about the possibility of you dying in that explosion. That’s just simply not an option for him.

Fury stares back at him hard, searching for something in his eyes before he finally nods.

“Alright, let’s get on the case. We need to find out where they could be possibly hiding her.”

Bucky breathes out in relief as the team gets down to work immediately. This is not the part he can help with, he sucks at technical things, so now he is left with just the painful wait until a lead pops up and he can come to your rescue.

 The gym is eerily quiet without your bickering. He always trains with you and it’s been one of his favorite things to do. The two of you liked to race in everything and thought you both knew he was faster and stronger, he always let you win a few times, giving you the chance to tease him about being second after you.

But now as he is punching the heavy bag on his own, he wishes he could hear one of your snarky comments about his lopsided moves, because he still hasn’t entirely gotten used to the uneven strength in his hands.

“If she is really out there, I’m sure she is doing fine.”

Sam walks in, his steps echo in the empty room and though Bucky stops for a moment, he doesn’t look at him, just keeps punching the bag.

“She is tough, Bucky. She can take care of herself.”

“Not when she is outnumbered by a dozen,” he growls back. “I know she is tough, but sometimes that’s just not enough.”

For a long time Bucky thought Steve is the only person he can work with as partners, but he had to realize that he had a special bond with you through the tortures you both had to go through and sometimes he felt like you were the only one who understood him truly. Even though your brain wasn’t washed like his, you were close to it and it gave you a great understanding of what he had to go through.

But it wasn’t just about the trauma. As you grew closer to each other you easily became friends, really good ones for all that matters. Bucky loved spending time with you on and out of missions as well. He finds your humor a little dark but quite entertaining, he likes how you are more social than he is so whenever you need to work with someone else you always take the role of the communicator, building a bridge between him and others easily. He loves how much you care about others, how you show your appreciation for your loved ones in the tiny details as making breakfast or baking their favorite cookies. He loves the way you smile whenever he messes up something and you have to take care of it eventually, he loves the way you laugh at his lame, old jokes, he loves how you always fall asleep on horror movies and he loves…

He loves you.

For years he thought he would never feel this way again for anyone, because it’s so raw and human, he thought it was wiped out of him when he became the winter soldier, but you proved him wrong. And now he wishes he told you how he felt, because if you won’t return, he has to live his life knowing you never knew how much you meant to him.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he stays wide awake, not able to even close his eyes when he knows you are out there somewhere, because you have to be. He refuses to nurse the thought of you gone for even a second. You’re qualified, the best fighter he has ever met and he has this feeling in his gut that you made it out of there alive. Maybe you knew the explosion was about to happen. Maybe you ran the opposite way before it was too late. Or maybe you found shelter, or simply was just knocked out of the impact of it and they captured you.

So many possibilities that are way more better than the fatality of your death.

Kicking the silky sheets off his body, the ones he deep down hates because it’s way too smooth against his skin, something he still has a hard time to grow accustomed to, he pulls a hoodie over his head before creeping his way out of his bedroom, down the hallway until he reaches yours. He stands still at the door, a sense of anxiety washing over him as he thinks about what’s inside. Not that it’s the first time he is here, he has spent endless nights in your room, the two of you talking and laughing as you showed him your favorite movies he hasn’t seen. You often bought a big bag of snacks for your movie nights and the two of you sprawled across your comforter, your legs sometimes touching, or there was this one time when he let you braid his hair.

“You should come to missions like this,” he remembers your teasing as you ran your fingers through the neat braids running along his head.

“And give the boys another reason to tease me? No thank you,” he chuckled.

“Another? What do they tease you about?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows as you popped a gummybear into your mouth.

You. It was you they teased him about and how obvious his feelings for you are. Seemingly everyone saw how you looked at each other but you and him.

He twists the silver doorknob before pushing the door open, part of him hoping to see you curled up under the sheets, snoring lightly and peacefully, but the room is terribly empty without your presence.

Everything is just the way you left them. The abandoned workout clothes hanging from the edge of the hamper, your running shoes under the window, your journal lying on your nightstand with a pen on top and his favorite… a framed picture of you and him on your bookshelf with all your favorite romantic novels stacked neatly on the shelves.

Bucky steps closer, his hands hidden in the pooch of his hoodie as he stares at the photo. It was taken a few days after the two of you returned from Wakanda, Bucky was finally free from the winter soldier and it was probably the best few days of his life. The two of you decided to take a trip to London before returning to your duty, a place you always wanted to see, but never really got the chance. It was just the two of you, taking some time away from the avengers, SHIELD, all the bad in the world, pretending like you’re two normal people for just a weekend before returning to your duties in New York. The photo was taken when you returned from the getaway, Steve took it in the gym, the two of you sat at the edge of the boxing ring after a killer fight. It was a simple moment, his arm stretched behind you as you leant against his side. The glow from your alone time was still apparent on your faces, neither of you felt happier in life before, or not at least in the last decade.

His vision blurs as he runs a finger through the frame, a sharp pain stabbing in his chest as he watches your bright smile and rosy cheeks. He never thought he would feel this way about anyone, not after everything he went through, but you proved him wrong. You showed him how much more human he still is that what he thinks of himself and you might not even have realized it.

Too restless to go back to sleep, Bucky storms out of your room, carefully closing the door behind him before going down to Tony’s office, determined to make himself useful. He can’t just sit around and wait, he needs to feel like he is doing everything he can.

When the first rays of the sun shine above the horizon and the first agents arrive for their shifts, He has already gone through an immense amount of security tapes from all around the world that had even the slightest match through the face recognition system with yours. None of them turned out to be real, but he never gave up.

“Barnes, were you here all night?” Tony asks in awe when he finds the long-haired avenger with his eyes glued to one of the screens, watching yet another tape.

“Not all night, but… for the majority, yes,” he nods without even sparing Tony a look.

Any other day Tony would tease him for maybe finally doing something useful, or not only using his fist in a case, but not today. Everyone on the team knows how much you mean to him and how hard it is to not know where you are. So he just nods, places his coffee down to the desk and gets down to work without a word.

Soon enough the rest of the team joins them and everyone is working together to find even the slightest lead. Every other minor case is put aside, you are their priority.

The more time passes by without anything found, Bucky feels like a part of him is dying more and more. Hopelessness and fear is taking over his already messed up mine, but he is still holding onto the light and that small little feeling in his gut that you are still out there somewhere. And then they find a lead.

“We’ve got a match!” Nat beams from behind her screen and everyone gathers around her as a series of blurry photos play in front of them, showing a group of men carrying a clearly unconscious person to a minivan before driving away. The quality is definitely not the best, your face is also half covered by your hair, but your uniform gives you away. It really is you.

“Where and when was this taken?” Bucky asks in a hurry.

“Last night, outside of Krakow. We have one last coordinate for the van,” Nat informs the group as she brings up a map, a red dot signaling the last spotting of the same van.

“There’s a closed off military based near,” Steve chimes in, pointing at the map a few miles away from where the pictures were taken.

“Alright, suit up everyone. Guess we are going to Poland,” Tony announces and a moment later everyone is running off to get ready for takeoff.

The ground doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It’s wet and there’s gravel here and there, the coldness is not too comfortable either, but you are getting used to it. Probably because it makes you feel things and that’s important to you now. In times when you often lose contact with your own body and mind, feelings keep you grounded and they remind you of who you are.

Last night you finally found out who caught you and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise. Aziel Nowak is a name you’ve already heard before, but not in the best way. The guy is totally crazy and if that’s not enough, he is kind of a genius as well. These two never sit well with each other and you knew it was just a matter of time before you had to face him, but you didn’t think these would be the circumstances.

Nowak’s father, Aleksander was a well-known scientist in the circles of HYDRA, he was one of the assholes responsible for wiping Bucky’s head, unfortunately, his own creation brought his death upon him. Bucky killed him during a raid, all while Aleksander was trying to trigger him, but Bucky was faster than him and shoot him in the head before he could get the second trigger word out. Aziel swore to seek revenge for his father’s death and made it clear that his big plan is to take out every avenger one by one, but all during completely destroying Bucky in every possible way.

Stuck in a clear tube, one that was built specially for super soldiers, you stood in his lab as he got everything ready for his master plan with you.

“The winter soldier was full of flaws,” he started to explain to you, working behind his computer while you couldn’t do anything to stop the madness. Even if you could break out of the tube, you were terribly outnumbered with the hoard of guards in the room, all of them armed and ready to rip you apart. It would have been a suicidal mission.

“The trigger words take a lot of time to enlist and sometimes, we just don’t have time for that. We need our soldier instantly, in a push of a button, if I might add,” he smirked and you almost gagged. He was a lowlife, disgusting middle-aged man, completely out of touch of reality, wrapped up in his own head with his ridiculous misconceptions and twisted view of the world.

“But fear no more, I have a better solution,” he grinned at you, holding up a tiny chip between his fingers and your jaw flexed. You didn’t know what it was, but you had guesses. “Spent years working on this little thing and now I can finally test it out and you get to be the lucky one to do it. Start the gas,” he ordered and a moment later some kind of gas started to fill the tube up. Your pathetic attempt to escape was cut off shortly when you felt your whole body freeze as you inhaled the gas. You just stood there, completely no control over your own body. The back of the tube opened with a hiss once the gas cleared out from around you and you felt a sharp stabbing at the back of your neck. You couldn’t even gasp, you were as frozen as a statue, unable to defend yourself and you truly felt like it’s the end. You wish it was though.

Nowak implanted the chip into your spine and you could feel the wires cling into your nerves, melting into your body like a parasite. A single tear rolled down your cheek as your wound was closed off.

“This is going to be so much fun,” Nowak smirked when he walked into your sight again. He had a control panel in his hands and as he pushed some buttons electricity bolted through your whole body and you completely lost control over your actions. Your body moved without your consent, arms and legs acting without your brain actually telling them.

You became a prisoner in your own body.

The night was spent fighting with Nowak’s best guards as he tested out his new toy: you. He could control your whole body thanks to the chip and while you were screaming and shouting in your head, there was no escape. He made you into his ragdoll and there was nothing you could do against it.

He switched the chip off when you were thrown back into the cell. You sobbed for hours probably as you tried to get the thing out of yourself, blood was dripping down your back, but you had to accept that it was too deep, clinging onto your spine, you couldn’t get it out with your bare hands.

Now you are lying on the floor and try to remember who you are, because you’ve been feeling like you lost touch with your true self. The only thing that has been helping is remembering your favorite memories.

It makes your heart flutter when you realize that most of them have Bucky in them. Your most favorite? The time you spent in London. Those days are the closest and dearest to your heart and now you just wish you could go back in time for even just an hour. Strolling down the streets like any other tourists without a worry in the world, watching the city lay in front of you as you ride the London Eye or walking along the River Thames. You felt so normal, so happy, sharing your time with the man you probably love the most in the whole wide world.

“I could live here,” you sighed when the Big Ben came into view above the brick buildings.

“It rains too much here,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at you, his arm brushing against yours.

“I like the rain. Love the smell of it, love how refreshing it feels after it,” you chuckled.

“And what would you want to do here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe I would work at a library. Or a café!”

“You want to be a barista!” He chuckled, smirking down on you. “Is this why you wanted Tony to get a fancy espresso machine?”

“Well, not just because of this, I just really like good coffee,” you smiled up at him. “What, do you not like my coffee?”

“Oh, I do. You make the best in the tower,” he nodded.

You could always talk about anything and everything with him. He understood you so well and you liked to think it worked the other way as well. That you were just as important to him as he was to you.

“Bucky.” His name falls from your lips like a desperate plea, as if you could summon him and he’d be here any moment to rescue you. But nothing changes and you are still on your own.

You’ve been wondering if this is how he felt when they made him to be the winter soldier. If he went through the same struggle or if it was worse. He said he doesn’t remember everything he did, as if sometimes he just completely disappeared in his own head, but other times live vividly in his memories.

You remember everything too. The chip has no control over your mind and thoughts, it works as another brain that takes over control in your body, caging your mind in your own head while it works your body.

A siren rings through the building and you gasp, your head snapping in the direction of the metal door. You hear orders in a foreign language and running footsteps somewhere down the hallway. Pushing yourself up you move to the far end of the room as you hear someone approaching your cell. Before the lock clicks on the door, you feel the familiar electricity run through your body and you breathe out before you lose control over your body again. You stand up, not because you want to, but because this is what they ordered. The door swings open and Nowak walks in.

“Guess your little friends figured out where you are. It’s time to show them my masterpiece.”

The military base is pretty lively for a closed off one. As the team is approaching the complex they inspect the possibilities they have to get inside.

“Alright, we have to be smart about this. Nowak is a psychopath,” Tony announces when the quinjet is nearing the base. “Barron and Natasha, we need a diversion. Banner, you stay here and only come in if it’s needed,” he starts and everyone nods along. “Wanda, the same goes for you as well. Listen to the call word and be ready to interfere. Sam and I are going to clear the main building, try to find Nowak. Barnes, Cap, you are tracking Y/N down. Everything clear?”

“As daylight,” Steve nods as he grabs his shield from the side.

Once the quinjet touches down, everyone goes their own way, going along the plan they discussed. Nat and Clint do well with the diversion, a great amount of guards and soldiers are drawn in their way as Tony and Sam make their way into the main building of the base.

“Where should we look, Buck?” Steve asks his friend as they hide behind one of the quarters. Bucky looks around, inspects the place and nods towards a building that’s clearly powered with a lot more electricity for whatever reason, Thick cables running inside, snaking under the doors, pouring extra power inside. Steve nods and once the way is somewhat cleared out, they head inside.

They take down the few HYDRA agents that try to get in their way as they run further into the building without even breaking a sweat. They easily reach the lab and it almost feels way too easy.

“Something is not right,” Steve says as the two of them walk into the empty lab, curious inspecting all the machines and equipment they have absolutely no idea how to work.

Bucky’s eyes fall on the tube in the far corner of the room and walking closer he gets an eerie feeling and he can already picture you trapped inside, the thought making his stomach churn.

“Anyone found Nowak yet?” Steve asks through the com.

“Negative,” Nat grunts back in the middle of her own fight.

“Haven’t seen the fucker either,” Tony answers and Steve sighs.

Just as Bucky is about to head to the door that leads out of the lab at the other end from where they entered, the sliding door opens and they both get ready to fight whatever is about to come into sight. But neither of them were expecting you to walk out.

“Y/N?!” your name falls from Steve’s lips as he lets his shield down, staring back at you confused. But you don’t answer, just stop a few feet away from them, staring blankly ahead of you and Bucky swears he was on the verge of fainting from his anger, because he knew those eyes all too well, because he used to see them in the mirror.

“Y/N, what did they do?” he whispers desperately, a hand reaching out to you, but it’s quickly cut off when you grab his hand and easily throw him over, his back contacting the floor with a painful thump.

Hell breaks loose fast as you start fighting them off, using the advantage of their shock upon seeing you, working against them while they try to make you remember them.

“Y/N, it’s us! We don’t want to hurt you!” Steve growls when he saves himself from one of your hits, his shield coming between the two of you.

I know! I know it’s you, but I can’t do anything! You scream in your own head, unable to even form the words. You’re a prisoner in this body you thought to be yours, but it betrayed you.

You never fought both of them before at the same time, but now that it’s happening, you’re surprisingly good at it, handling two super soldiers at the same time when one of them has a vibranium arm while the other one keeps throwing a vibranium shield at you, though it���s clear they aren’t giving their best, afraid of hurting you even though you’re in killer mode right now and determined to rip them apart.

“Do you think they did the same to her as they did to you?” Steve asks out of breath when you throw them against a wall and return to fight Bucky.

“It’s something else. Look at the back of her neck!” he growls when you throw a punch in his way that he catches with his metal arm, holding your fist tight as you keep pushing it and this moment of pause allows Steve to take a look at you from the back.

“Oh shit,” he breathes out.

Yes! Take this shit out and I’m free! You scream, but no one hears. Your fist frees from Bucky’s grip and you kick him in the stomach so hard he snaps against the desk behind him and wasting no time you jump right at him, the fight continues.

“If anyone finds Nowak, don’t kill him. We’ve got Y/N and she is being controlled by something,” Steve explains through his earpiece before throwing his shield in your direction right when you’re about to attach your hands to Bucky’s neck. It hits you in the side and you fall to the ground grunting.

“Don’t fucking hurt her!” Bucky growls at him, but Steve gives him a look.

“She is trying to kill us, we have to do something!”

You’re on your feet fast, already charging at Steve and it catches him by surprise, he stumbles back as your knee collides with his stomach, a punch thrown at his pretty face.

“I see Nowak!” Tony’s voice comes through the earpieces, but they don’t have the chance to celebrate, because you’re kicking their ass big time.

When you want to launch yourself at Steve again, Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist from behind and he pulls back, pushing you away, making you stumble, but you’re back on your feet quickly. Your eyes meet and you want to touch him so badly, run into his arms, tell him how happy you are to see him and that he was the only thing that kept you sane, but instead, you throw yourself at him, fist colliding with the side of his head.

I’m so sorry, Buck!

“We’ve got Nowak!” Tony announces and Steve sighs in relief.

“Does he have something like a remote or controller?” he asks while you and Bucky are at each other’s throat. You throw him to a desk and drag him across it, papers and equipment flying everywhere before he ends up on the floor groaning. You have the perfect chance to throw a punch in again, but you turn around and run back towards the door you came through.

“He has a controlling panel, do you think it’s connected to Y/N?” Tony asks.

“Very much likely, but please hurry up, she is trying to run away!” Steve begs as they both start to chase after you in the labyrinth of hallways. You’re footsteps are echoing on the checkered floors as they are trying to catch up with you. You take a left turn and get out of their vision just for a split second. As they get around the corner they immediately freeze when they find you standing there, a gun pointing right at Bucky’s head, a deadly, but still rather blank expression in your eyes.

“Shit,” Steve breathes out.

“Y/N, I know you are in there,” Bucky speaks up.

Yes! I’m here! I’m here Bucky!

“The controller is locked, but we are working on it,” Tony announces through the com, but it doesn’t help their situation right now. If he can’t unlock the controller, you are likely to shoot them both if they don’t do something. As you stare back at your two friends, you are using everything in you to try to get back the control over your own body, but it’s like you’re just silently screaming in an empty, locked room.

“I know you hear me. Please, try to fight it off. I know how hard it is, but if anyone can do it, it’s you,” Bucky continues and if only you were in charge of yourself, you’d already be sobbing at the broken expression he is staring back at you with. Your finger is on the trigger and you can feel your muscles trembling.

“Buck, we need to disarm her,” Steve tells him, but he shakes his head.

“No. We can’t do that without hurting her and I’m not doing that.”

Oh Bucky! That’s the only way now!

“She is gonna shoot, Bucky. We have to do something!”

“She could have already fired. She is fighting it off, I know it.”

“Or maybe it’s just whatever it is inside her messing with her head as Tony is trying to break the controller.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I know you can do this. I’m not gonna hurt you, you can fight it!” Bucky continues, ignoring Steve’s words, who stands behind him with his jaw flexed.

I can’t do it, you need to knock me out! I’m not strong enough to do it!

You are trying everything you can and you are already holding your finger back, you would have already pulled the trigger if it wasn’t for your resistance somewhere in this cage. But you just know you’re not strong enough to stop yourself forever, they will need to disarm you, there’s no choice.

You stare back at Bucky, his forehead and left cheek bloody from wounds you gave him and he probably has a few bruises under his leather jacket as well, all because of you. Nowak made you hurt the person you love the most and now his life is being threatened. You know he won’t fight you, he will not try to disarm you, he would rather take the bullet than cause pain to you, more than what he already did during your fight.

The gun trembles in your hand as you’re desperately trying to gain your control back, sweat beading on your forehead, your chest heaving.

“Stark, we are running out of time!” Steve warns him through the com.

“Just one more second!” he answers, but you’re afraid you don’t have that much time.

“Y/N, please!” Bucky begs, a single tear rolling down his cheek and you can feel your own heart breaking at the sight of him. You can’t believe it’s because of you, you are causing him pain when you swore to work to see him his happiest in his life.

Your jaw flexes and you are on the verge of breaking, the tiniest light flashing in front of you as you keep pushing, trying to take back control, but then you feel like losing again. It all happens so fast, you can barely process.

You know you’re about to pull the trigger, you can’t stop yourself, but just as you are about to do it, Tony’s voice rings through the com.

“We got it!”

In a blink of the eye, the invisible grip that’s been keeping you tight vanishes, the cage opens up and suddenly you feel yourself come alive again as the most painful, deafening and desperate scream rips from your throat, the gun falling from your grip before you collapse on the ground in complete shock of everything that went down.

“Get it out! Get it out! I can’t do this!” you scream, your nails scratching the back of your neck once again, trying to reach the chip, but you’re just breaking your own skin once again, blood dripping down your back.

“Hey, it’s alright, sweetheart. We got you. You’re gonna be fine!” Bucky falls to his knees, cradling you into his arms as you sob into his hard chest, hands gripping the fabric of his jacket tight as your salty tears soak your cheeks, your whole body shaking.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you repeat, shaking your head as if you were trying to get rid of the memories, but they are still there, you still know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own head but at least now you are with Bucky and that brings you the peace of mind you’ve been seeking all along.

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright. You’ll be alright, sweetheart, you’re safe with me now,” he murmurs into your hair, his arms holding you so tight it’s starting to get hard to even breathe, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You cling onto him as if your life depends on it and in a way, it really does. Bucky gathers you into his arms as you keep mumbling your apologies and begs to make it stop even though you are not being controlled any longer. He carries you to the quinjet as he keeps murmuring reassuring words into your ear, telling you that everything is going to be alright now. You are in good hands.

You don’t let go of him on the way back and he doesn’t seem to want to do it either. Curled up on his lap, you let yourself fall into a shallow slumber as his fingers are dancing up and down your back, keeping you close to his chest, the feeling of finally being home taking over your senses.

Arriving back to New York you are helped off the jet by Bucky or course as he walks you to the med bay where Dr. Cho is already waiting for your arrival.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll fix you up,” she smiles at you as you are expected to let go of Bucky, but your head snaps back in his direction in panic, hands grabbing onto his anxiously.

“It’s alright, I’ll be here waiting for you. My stupid face will be the first thing you see when you wake up,” he jokes, his tired eyes fixated on you as you hesitate to let go of him, but eventually do it.

Keeping his promise Bucky stay outside as long as you are under Helen’s hands, not able to even drag him away to change clothes. The only thing he can make himself is dragging his ass to the nearest restroom to at least wash the dried blood off his face, but he quickly returns to his previous spot.

It turns out removing the chip is a bit more complicated than anyone thought. The micro wires are so deep in your nerves, Dr. Cho has to be careful if he doesn’t want to paralyze you with just one wrong move. Five entire hours pass by before the chip is finally out of you, before they place you in one of the rooms until you wake up from the anesthesia. Bucky is right by your side, holding your hand soothingly as he waits for you to open your eyes again. When he sees your eyelashes fluttering, he holds his breath as your eyes open and you adjust to the light and the view around you.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” he softly asks, gently brushing a strand of hair out of your forehead.

“Like… I just fought against two super soldiers,” you breathe out in a joking manner that makes him chuckle. You’re back and he missed you more than he could ever express.

As you let out a long and heave breath, you feel everything coming back to you and you can’t stop your sobs and the tears falling from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you gasp and he is quick to leap forward, one hand holding yours while the other one cups your cheek as he makes you turn your head towards him.

“No, no, no. You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N. You did everything you could, you fought it so well!”

“But I hurt you! I didn’t want to hurt you, I was screaming inside my head, but I just couldn’t stop!” you sob shaking your head.

“I know, it wasn’t your fault! Please don’t think for a moment anyone blames you!” he begs, his bright blue eyes glued to your pained face as you fight your tears back. A hand moves to the back of your neck, feeling the wound where the chip used to be.

“Is it gone?” you ask in a whisper.

“It is. Helen took good care of you. You’re free now,” he smiles and you feel a wave of relief washing over you right away. Your body is yours again, finally.

“I didn’t think I would be myself again,” you admit, your voice slightly shaking. Bucky’s heart breaks at your words, but remains silent as you carry on. “I kept thinking of memories that feel the closest to me and it was the only thing that kept me sane. And I realized that the dearest ones are all with you, Bucky.”

His lips part at your revelation as his heart is beating fast against his ribcage. He has been waiting for this moment to come for what feels like eternity and now it might become his reality.

“When I thought I would never be the same again, I just thought about… you. That I don’t get to see you again, when I always wanted to spend all my days with you, Buck.”

“I want to spend all my days with you too, sweetheart,” he breathes out, leaning closer until his face is only inches away from yours. “I hated the thought of you being gone without ever telling you how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Bucky?” you ask in a trembling voice.

“You are my everything, Y/N. You are my best friend and everything beyond and I was such a fool for not telling you before this, but the thought of losing you made me realize that I have to stop being a coward,” he chuckles with tears bubbling in his eyes. You reach out and cup his face in your palms, your thumb running along the dark circles under his eyes and you wonder if he even slept a moment since you’ve been gone.

“We were both idiots, don’t beat yourself,” you chuckle softly, making his mouth turns into a grin before he leans closer and his lips finally press against yours, capturing them in a sweet, so-good-to-have-you-back kiss you’ve been dreaming about for probably way too long but at least since London. It’s soft and gentle, filled with the promise of many more to come. Thought you’re trying to stretch it as long as possible, a cough is heard from the door and you both pull back, turning your attention at the rest of the team standing there, all of them happy to see you again, or maybe to see the two of you finally taking the step they’ve been waiting for to happen.

“I guess you are feeling better now, yeah?” Nat smirks as she walks further inside, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Much better,” you admit with a shy chuckle. “Thank you for the rescuing, guys.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Sam smirks at you.

“And Barnes would have gone nuts if we didn’t find you so that was also quite motivating,” Tony jokes nodding towards the man by your side, who is still holding your hand as if you could disappear any moment.

“Steve, I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” you breathe out at the sight of the tall blonde man, but he just shrugs with a warm smile.

“It’s alright. At least now we know that you could easily kick our ass at the same time,” he jokes nodding towards Bucky, though you all know they were holding back, not wanting to hurt you. You still remember the look in Bucky’s eyes when you held him at gunpoint. He could have easily disarmed you but it would have cost you at least a broken arm, yet he refused to lay a hand on you and believed that you could control yourself again.

When the team is gone and it’s just the two of you again in the room, Bucky sits at the edge of your bed, his fingers playing with your hand over the white sheets as you let yourself fall into the sense of safety again.

“You should have disarmed me, Bucky,” you tell him, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I could have killed you,” you retort.

“I know,” he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line. “But I just couldn’t cause you any more pain.”

“The fact that I was hurting you was already a pain, Bucky. You should have just knock me out.”

“Would you ever do the same to me?” he questions and though you open your lips to answer, you realize that he is right. You would have never hurt him on purpose, not even if he was back at being the winter soldier. You could have never hurt your sweet Bucky, the man that means more than anything ever in your torturous life.

“See? How do you expect me to do it then?” he smiles softly. “But it doesn’t matter, you are free now. It’s all in the past.”

“It still broke my heart, seeing you like that.”

“I can only say the same,” he breathes out, his eyes softening on you. “I wanted to help you so bad, but I couldn’t…”

“You helped me a lot,” you smile at him, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of his forehead. He smiles back at you and through his ocean eyes are still looking tired and a little bloodshot, but there’s a tiny little glimmer in them, something you’ve seen before, it was the most apparent when Shuri was successful at ridding him from the winter soldier and you also saw it in London. You’ve been seeking this little shine for a long time and you’re happy to have it back.

“We should go on a vacation,” he suggests, his smile growing wider with each passing second.

“Oh, I didn’t know avengers had vacation days,” you tease him.

“They do, as much as they want,” he nods grinning. “Where would you want to go? Do you want to go back to London?” he questions as he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your bruised knuckles.

“Mm, we should go somewhere new,” you purse your lips. “I’ve always wanted to see Amsterdam.”

“Then Amsterdam it is,” he chuckles before leaning closer he kisses your lips gently with a promise of a bright future together.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[xmalfoyweasleyx]

I hate that girl - F.W

Summary: Fred doesn’t really know how to cope. He hates y/n and everyone loves her. But is the feeling truly hate, or something else?

Warnings: Mean Fred, eating, semi-smut it's just oral: male receiving, a little hair pulling and stuff like that :)

A/N: Maybe I'm going to write a PART 2, with the rest of the smut? Idk? What do you guys think? x

Words: 2,1k

It was summer, finally, my favourite season. I sat at the table with my family at the Burrow, enjoying my moms dinner.

“So, y/n is coming tomorrow mom, you remember?” Ron asked while trying to put a big piece of meat in his mouth.

“Of course I remember dear!” Molly smiled.

“Pfffttt ohno” I sighed, making the whole dinner table glare at me.

“Don’t be mean Fred, I really don’t know what’s wrong with you” Ginny said angrily.

What was wrong with me? That girl was wrong.

I hated how my whole family fell for her trap. Like she’s so innocent. They all believed her act. But I knew the truth, I hated the girl. She wasn’t sweet and shy and helpful. I just knew it. She couldn’t be. I didn’t believe it.

I never liked the girl. She visits us every year, being very good friends with... yea, almost every person here.

She was a liar, I saw it in her eyes. The girl was always like: “Molly can I help with the dishes” or “Hey George, I looooveee the new joke product” with her silly sweet voice.

No I didn’t fall for that. She didn’t even say those things to me any more, I've already scared her away. Well, great. That’s great.

“I really don’t understand why you hate her that much Freddie” George sighed when we were back in our bedroom.

"Well and I don't understand why you like her that much Georgie, are you in love with her or something?" I accused him.

"It seems like you are the one in love with her, silly brother" he answered laughing.

What the hell??

"WHAT? For God's sake! Why would you even think that?!" I screamed defensively. George only laughed.

"I give up" he smiled. Leaving me extremely irritated.

Me in love with y/n, like I said, I hate that girl.

*

I almost threw up seeing the girl acting like that.

We were all welcoming her in the living room. She hugged Ginny, then my mum and Ron and... you know how it goes.

Then she hugged George giving him a kiss on the cheek. Urgh disgusting. It was my turn. It was clear she didn't really know what to do. It was pretty awkward.

"Fred" she nodded staring at me full of doubt. She gave me a sad look and I almost fell for it.

I knew my sister was looking at me with eyes full of anger without even looking her way. I couldn't take it any more and just left without saying a word.

"I'm sorry about him" I heard George saying to her. "It's okay" she answered softly.

*

It was quiet at the burrow, everyone was already asleep. I've always been the only person in this house that stays up this late.

I was getting tired so I decided to get ready for bed. Even George had ignored me all evening, I don't get it, why are they this mad? I mean, okay, I wasn't very nice to y/n. But I can do what I want and I can dislike who I want, what do they have to do with it?

So I opened the bathroom door and before I could process what happened, my face was already bright red. Y/n was changing, her, apparently pretty, chest was bare in front of me.

The first thing I did was slap my hand to my face, trying to close my eyes and hide the redness. What the actual fuck, did I just see the girl naked?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE THIS LATE" I screamed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should've locked the door, I'm sorry" she answered embarrassed.

Okay how could I ever get this image out of my fucking head?! Yes, she did have an impressive body, and...but... BUT NO FRED, NO.

"Stop apologizing all the time, for god's sake, it makes me crazy" I hissed angrily.

She didn't really answer and she ran past me, I didn't even see the look on her face. Maybe that was a good thing, because I knew I may have been a bit too mean this time...

*

"Fuck Fred, keep going" y/n moaned, she looked like a mess and her perfect boobs bounced up and down when she rode me. It was the hottest and the best thing I've ever felt. Moans and grunts left my mouth. "Fuck I'm cumming baby" I grunted.

Suddenly a loud knock on my bedroom door woke me up. Y/n wasn't there any more.

Shit, was this a dream, an actual sex dream? About her?

"FRED WAKE UP IT'S ALREADY 1 PM, WE'RE GOING TO SWIM!" I heard my little sister scream at the door.

I freaked out immediately. I could never face y/n again after this, why did it happen? Why is my brain like this? And then I had a little problem down there too, I had an obvious boner.

"I'm coming Gin wait a minute" I answered nervously.

An hour later, I finally reached the lake that was a mile away from the burrow. The others were already there.

Great, swimming.

The dream was still spinning around in my head. I was so confused and like it couldn't get any worse, they decided to swim. Why today?

This was the worst moment ever to see y/n in her bikini. I saw her from a distance. God she looked hot. Her perfect boobs in the red bikini top, and damn it, that ass...

Bloody hell, STOP IT FRED, I just got rid of my boner, I don't need it to come back again.

"There you are Freddie, finally!" George smiled when he saw me. Damn it.

Y/n looked up too, still smiling at me even though all the mean things I said or did to her. Her hair was in a perfect bun and I could see her red bikini better now. I never really realized how sexy and good she looks until now, until the moment I walked in on her changing this night. Or maybe that was the problem, maybe I always knew, but shut it out?

But what if this was her trap again? The trap everyone fell for except me. I couldn't allow myself to fall for it, I promised myself!

I walked up to them and tried to get out of my confusing thoughts. "I'm sorry I didn't realize I slept for so long" I answered trying to sound okay.

"Guess it's because you were still up pretty late" y/n joked. Her pretty smile appeared and out of nowhere my legs were weak, like jelly.

"Fuck y/n SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP" I snapped out of nowhere. My face went red and the others looked at me in shock.

It was quiet, y/n gaped at me, speechless.

"I.. I-" I tried to apologize when I saw y/n her hurt eyes, but nothing came out. My heart broke when a tear fell down her cheek. Maybe I was wrong about her.

I was the bad person in this story, not her.

She ran away and I heard her sobbing behind me.

It wasn't a trap, she never acted like she was an innocent sweet girl, she really was an innocent sweet girl. It wasn't her trap, it was my own trap, a trap I made up in my own head.

*

I heard sobs coming from her room. I stood behind the door. I promised my siblings I would apologize, because it was true, maybe I was wrong about her.

I opened the door slowly.

"Fred, please go away, you don't have to act like you're sorry because I'm crying. I know you hate me." she sobbed when she saw me.

“N-no, I, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” I stuttered.

She looked confused. Her red eyes really broke my heart. It was my fault.

I sat next to her on the floor and put my hand on her leg. She seemed shocked.

“Why do you hate me?” she whispered.

I sighed. Not really knowing what to answer.

“I don’t hate you, I just had the wrong idea about you y/n, I’m stupid.” I answered.

It was weird, she was still in her bikini and this was so not the right moment, but I felt that bulge in my swimming trunks appear again. I guess it’s because of the dream that was still so damn clear in my head. And of course, the fact that my hand was stroking down her bare leg.

Before I could cover it up, her eyes were already on it. Fuck.

We both didn’t utter a word. It was silent.

“You have a problem down there” she whispered, breaking the silence.

I gulped, trying to not get red.

“Is that why you hate me? You just want to fuck me?” she grinned extremely bold.

I wasn’t really used to being this speechless. But she was right. So, so right. So I just nodded.

Suddenly she was on my lap. My breath hitched in my throat. Her, so perfect, boobs now pressed to my bare chest.

“You make me crazy, I can’t even explain how crazy y/n” I finally said.

Her hands were now stroking my hair. Shit. My tummy tingled. Was George right, am I in love with her?

“So you just decide to be mean Freddie? Ignore me? Hurt me? Why?” she squeaked, searching for a rightful explanation.

“I... I’m sorry, I don’t know what I feel. I’m so confused but I know I was wrong about you now. I’m sorry for hurting you.” I apologized.

“It’s okay Freddie, I understand, we have enough time to find out how we feel” she promised me while lightly stroking my cheek with her small fingers.

A wave of electricity went from my feet to my head. So is this what being in love feels like? I wasn’t sure, maybe it was something else. I’ve never experienced this before. But one thing was sure: my pants got too tight now.

And that’s when I felt her move slowly. She moved the (oh so thin) fabric of her red bikini against my clothed cock. I could feel everything that was underneath and a shock of pleasure went through my whole body.

She kept grinding down on me, a soft whimper left her mouth and a grunt left mine.

I slammed my lips on hers. They moved perfectly in synchrony. They were soft and sweet. It was perfect.

I’ve kissed before, a lot. But this. This was different. The passion was overwhelming.

Her tongue explored my mouth while I helped her hips grind up and down.

She stopped the kiss and her beautiful y/e/c eyes locked with mine. In an instant, she was already on her knees in front of me, pulling down my swimming trunks.

"Can I?" she asked politely. I nodded eagerly.

She kissed my tip gently making me gasp a little. Her beautiful, soft hands stroked down my thigh.

"I'm pretty sure you're finally gonna stop hating me after this" she promised.

"You already succeeded princess" I praised, making her eyes go wider because of the nickname.

She started to kitten lick my tip slowly and my hands were already in her hair, making a ponytail with my hand.

She took my whole cock in her mouth, all at once. A grunt escaped my lips when I felt my tip hit the back of her throat.

"God y/n where did you learn this" I moaned huskily.

A smirk appeared when she started to bob up and down. I tried to control myself but I couldn't resist from pulling on her hair a little, guiding her head up and down. It was clearly something she liked because a moan left her mouth. The oh so sexy sound and vibrations made me grunt loudly. "Fuck baby" I moaned

I tried to hold it in but my hips started to pound a little into her mouth, making her gag on my cock.

"I'm gonna cum" I stuttered. One second later her mouth was already gone. I whined with a frown.

"Now already Freddie?" she smirked.

"Please don't stop, your mouth is amazing y/n" I asked trying to not sound too desperate.

She didn't answer but put her lips back, taking my cock in her mouth again. Now she started to suck fast and harder, making me go completely crazy.

She was so beautiful and so so so sexy. I couldn't hold in any longer. My head fell back and my eyes scrunched shut, a loud moan slipped from my lips when I came. I've never felt this amazing before. It was perfect. Y/n stuck her tongue out, showing me she swallowed all of my cum.

"Good girl" I praised huskily.

"Did it feel good?" she asked. She looked a little insecure now.

I grabbed her hips and placed her on my lap again.

"So good, I think I might be in love with you, and not just because of this moment, but for so many reasons y/n" I admitted.

"You.. you do?" she whispered getting red and shy. But the little smile on her lips said enough

_____

[jdrizzle15]

Her Second Return

Just like all of you, and especially my fellow Penny fans, I am absolutely devastated by the Volume 8 finale. I had been in quite a state these last few days, utterly heartbroken, and actually nauseous at times. It feels strange to me to be legitimately grieving a fictional character, but it’s not a bad thing to feel this way. To me, this just shows that CRWBY loves her just as much as us to have written her so well that we connect so completely with her, that it feels like we lost an actual piece of ourselves when she’s gone.

But as you can probably tell by the title, this mega post isn’t gonna be about accepting this end, not in the slightest! Today I want to share canon evidence that can point towards another return of our beloved quirky red headed cinnamon bun! I’m here to spread this hope that I and others in the Nuts & Dolts dolts Discord server have!

I have this separated into many different sections to keep these thoughts organized. With that said, here goes…

A Father’s Words:

In Episode 7 of Volume 7, ‘Worst Case Scenario’ we learn the origins of Penny’s aura, and thus her soul. We also learn that it takes more aura each time she’s brought back. This leaves open an option that could be used at a later point.

Many people theorized that Pietro could indeed revive Penny one more time, which he would absolutely do. But there also lies the possibility that someone else could donate some of theirs, I’m not sure about this as I feel like it’s akin to blood donation where compatibility matters or there's a high risk of altering her, but the possibility is definitely there.

Now, the conversation in Chapter 5 of Volume 8, ‘Amity’ that Pietro and Penny have is an important moment for both Father and Daughter. It was there to show how her death in PvP all that time ago really did have a heavy impact on him and is still affecting him to this day.

Instead of continuing to pretend that everything is A-okay, like he had done for most of Volume 7, he finally lets his true feelings about how it come out to Penny for what is quite likely the first time. Even going so far as to say "Are you asking me to go through that again?" when she offers to take the risk of trying to lift Amity with her power. He wants Penny to be able to live her life.

This entire scene with Pietro established “this is what will likely happen” even if circumstances are much different now, it doesn’t negate the fact that this is a key part of Penny’s story. Scenes like these have a purpose beyond simply making an eventual death all the more heart wrenching. Her never actually getting to live her life makes those scenes basically moot. It makes them effectively pointless from narrative point of view. Unless there's more to it.

Building Relationship:

The build up between Ruby and Penny the last two volumes has been absolutely phenomenal with a definite destination in mind, and this doesn’t feel like that destination. So much of the arc of this season was to help Penny. This girl that our main protagonist absolutely adores and treasures, it would just be awful to throw all of that out for what amounts to an avoidable end. Why use so much of their precious and very limited runtime on deliberately building up this relationship only to end it abruptly, and permanently, when they’re separated?

In my opinion, RT is definitely smarter now than to intentionally set up what was really looking like a budding gay relationship only to kill one of them for good. If N&D wasn't actually going in a romantic direction, why would they leave in all of the romance-adjacent stuff that they got, that's not how ‘just friends’ act. And that is not something you use such valuable time building up for absolutely no pay off whatsoever...

Representation of Hope:

At its core, RWBY has always been about hope. It’s not at the forefront the whole time, but there's been an underlying theme of hopefulness that has persisted since it began. Some describe the show as a Hopepunk, I personally find this to describe RWBY really well. This genre of storytelling is about caring for things deeply and the courage and strength it takes to do so. It’s about never submitting or accepting the way things are. Fighting for what you believe in and standing up for others. RWBY fits all of this extremely well. How does this relate to Penny? She has been shown to be a sign of hope for everyone, but especially for Ruby, the main main protagonist. A prerequisite for a Hopepunk story is the hope.

Her first death in V3 was something that fundamentally changed Ruby. For the first time in the series, we see our main character all but broken by this event. With the loss of Penny, immediately afterwards, Ruby’s hope followed. She made up for it through determination and force of will. We see it affect her multiple times throughout the journey to Volume 7. But upon her return in V7, Hope reached a high point for everyone, the sheer relief on Ruby’s face is plain to see!

In V8 chapter 5 ‘Amity’, Penny literally raises hope by lifting the arena into the sky so Ruby could spread her message. And when she falls, and Amity with her, the connection is lost and hope plummets again. From there things take a very negative turn with the hack begins to take Penny’s agency.

In chapter 11 ’Risk’ is the point in the arc where everyone is reunited for the moment, so two separate hero stories are no longer a thing at that point in time. For the time being focus seemed to be shifted to care about the characters and how they’re going to solve the current problems. This is also where Ruby reaches her lowest emotional point in the season.

It’s not huge, but it’s interesting how connected this is. Before Ruby and Yang share a good cry over learning the possible fate of Summer, Yang brings up restoring optimism and hope to Ruby after the younger sister storms out of the room in frustration. This is where Penny’s scenes take up the rest of the episode. Getting Penny back in control of her own body and safe again is what makes the ending of the episode much brighter, when just 5 minutes before Ruby had been distraught and scared. This then spills over into the group coming up with the plan to use the staff, putting the main group in a much better mood. Of all the things to go right, it’s interesting that it’s Penny.

Things go wrong with the plan in the end and Penny dies. I find it interesting that once again, Penny got them hopeful in their chances of doing something right. Given said plan succeeded but at the cost of Penny of all people, Penny is shown to be the beginning and end of hope for them

The highest and lowest points for hope seem to directly correlate to when Penny’s around. When she comes back again, hope will return too, just like it had before. And because she’ll likely be back for good this time, the second return will probably be close to when Ruby is nearing the complete abandonment of hope. This would be pretty par for the course of the show honestly.

A little aside, but in a sense, Penny also represents Unity. The CCT in Vale fell after her first death, knocking out global communications and the unifying connection it gave. When it was restored for the briefest moment, she was there. Her body connected so she could allow for its launch, her soul lighting the night to hold up Amity with every ounce of her strength. So of course when the Hack succeeds and she falls, she takes global comms down again with her. At a smaller scale - even at the Hack's second last attempt to control her, she draws everyone in the Schnee Manor together. At the start of the volume, Yang states the one thing that they all agree on is not surrendering Penny.

Unity seems appropriate for one whose first song and wish was for but one friend, who would go on to find so many more in the process, and permit for a moment the possibility of all Remnant becoming friends once more. Where she first died, the name of the episode devoted to her story - Amity, "friendship", from the Latin root amicus, "friend" - she almost lives and dies with the very possibility of a united Remnant. It's no wonder she's a priority target for Salem, the great divider, and it seems natural that her next restoration may very well allow the next bid to bring the world together.

The Void Screams:

Moments after Penny's death, we hear a weird scream in the void space. It was a guttural, pained, angry scream, almost like the void space itself was crying out. All the portals shuddered and flickered when it happened.

Some think that this scream was Salem returning, but that happens earlier than Penny’s death, her return is signaled with cinder's arm acting up. We know this because after the arm finished flailing uncontrollably, Cinder said triumphantly "she's back." If it were Salem screaming, it would have happened after she fixed herself, but it didn't.

And I doubt Cinder would have been surprised or unsettled by it considering she was happy Salem returned not long before it. And why would a Salem scream affect the portals anyway, she has no connection to the staff or it's magic.

Another thing to consider is the fact sound is not transmitted through the portals. Otherwise, they would've heard Oscar and the rest calling for them, or the screams of the citizens of Mantle and Atlas. This lowers the possibility of that scream being from Salem even further.

The sound really seems to be coming from something else entirely within the void, and that something is not at all happy. There’s also the fact that Penny was the only person who died in the void space, everyone else was just thrown out of it like Ruby and Co. The only logical cause to me is Penny. Her body was a product (or byproduct) of the same creation magic that made the void space, her blood seems to have been a trigger.

Now I can't be sure about it, but this makes me feel like Penny is almost a part of creation itself? For whatever this thing is to be so angry, that is the only explanation I can think of currently. But all of this could possibly relate to the Narnia allusion of 'the willing victim killed in a traitor's stead' that others have brought up, which will be covered next.

Narnia Parallels:

Atlas has several parallels and references to fictional places (putting aside real world ones like the United States). One of those is that of Narnia, both on the surface and on a deeper level. It is a land of winter year round, where people struggle to survive and there is a present divide between those loyal to the current Monarch and those who are not. James is a parallel to Jadis, the White Witch, a ruler whose thoughts and cares aren’t exactly centered around the actual well being of the people. The hologram table in Ironwood’s office is designed to look like stone, like the Stone Table which features prominently in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He has a handpicked cadre of special agents/secret police, like how Maugrim and his wolves served Jadis. Another key parallel is how Jadis’s winter sets in to oppress and kill everyone in Narnia, but the Witch provides aid and protection to her loyal followers. She has all the power to spare harm to others, and uses it only for the loyal. As soon as Mantle splits from James and Atlas, no care is taken to protect them from the cold of Solitas even though he has every ability to turn the heating grid back on. His protection is only for the loyal.

Now that the parallel is established, let's look into the details. Starting with how James plays the role of Jadis.

"I had forgotten that you are only a common boy. How should you understand reasons of State? You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for you or for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules. Ours is a high and lonely destiny." These are the words Jadis says in the Magician’s Nephew to justify the blood civil war she and her sister had waged for rulership of Charn, before she came to Narnia. She won that war, technically, but only after the last battle had been lost and her sister had marched right up to her so that they were face to face. Jadis’s troops were dead, her followers had surrendered, and the capital was under full control of her sister. But, she still had one card, one ultimate play to win and prove the throne of Charn was rightfully her. The Deplorable Word, a piece of old magic that killed everyone and everything except for her on Charn. It was monstrous, senseless, cruel beyond measure. But it got her that hollow victory. This mindset, the disregard for the people except as tools for her own will, the ultimate ‘aoe’ destructive move that no one had even considered her using, the unwillingness to stop even when by all practical measures the war is over, is a shocking parallel to James. In many ways, he is Jadis in mindset and deed.

Then there is the shared desire for A Thing that both James and Jadis have. For James it’s the Winter Maiden and control over her. For Jadis it’s the Silver Apples from the Tree of Youth. And funnily enough, the Maiden Powers parallel the Apples quiet well. These apples grant power and a life of eternal beauty, but should not be taken or eaten on one’s own initiative. They must be given, a gift granted by another, or only suffering will come from obtaining them. "For the fruit always works — it must work — but it does not work happily for any who pluck it at their own will. If any Narnian, unbidden, had stolen an apple and planted it here to protect Narnia, it would have protected Narnia. But it would have done so by making Narnia into another strong and cruel empire like Charn, not the kindly land I mean it to be.” Jadis’s immortality, and some of her power, come from the fact that she ate an Apple of her own will after stealing her way into the garden where the Tree of Youth had been planted. She gained the eternal life she had wanted and the power along with it, but she did so by taking it and was cursed because of it. Her skin turned pale and her lips blackened as if she were a frozen corpse given life. She will be trapped in a life of misery and hate according to Aslan- oh hey Cinder, how’s having stolen the Power you always wanted working out for you? Cinder had the power she wanted, but she only got hungrier, eager to claim more and increase her might. But in her pursuit she was defeated and humiliated by Raven, had to steal her way out of Mistral, and then suffered defeat after defeat while in Atlas. Only in the end, when she didn’t keep pursuing the Maiden Power, did she get any kind of victory.

The reason these parallels to Narnia are so important is one of the most famous events of the series. The cracking of the Stone Table and the rebirth of Aslan after his death. ‘When a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.’ Well, the ‘Stone Table’ in James’s office has cracked, and Penny strikes me as a pretty willing victim. She has never actually committed any actual treachery or harm, as she was the Protector of Mantle, and fought for its and Atlas’s people until the very end. And because of her death, the actual traitor, Winter, who loyally served James until he had gone too far, was saved. Through Penny’s self sacrifice, Winter was saved. So now Death itself will start working backward.

(Major props to my friend @catontheweb for writing this section, I was getting nowhere with it, if they weren't there this part wouldn't exist!)

Norse Mythology:

The tree we see in the post credit scene gives off some serious Yggdrasil vibes. Also called the World Tree, it is essentially all of creation in Norse Mythology. It connects all nine realms, including the God realms of Asgard, the human realm of Midgard, and the underworld of Hel.

Humans are born from the branches of Yggdrasil. The web of Wyrd is woven for every person once they're born, and their path is set from there regardless of how many times the souls cycle over. But at the end, they're destined to end up in one of the worlds, for a myriad of reasons.

I believe Penny landed closest to this giant tree. She was on the center platform in the void space, so if that space is directly above the island(?) the tree is on, it makes sense for her to fall by the center nearest to the tree. This would not only open up all kinds of possibilities for the volume in general, but it would also create options for Penny.

The whole of Yggdrasil’s representations fit well into Penny’s story. Birth, growth, death and rebirth. We can count Penny’s appearance in V7 as birth for now, her growth is all her development in leaving =the military and becoming a Maiden, her death just happened, and her rebirth would be her revival. And this is a cycle she’s gone through before.

The Norse god Odin and Yggdrasil have quite a connection. In one story, Odin cut out one of his own eyes to gain knowledge from a pool underneath Yggdrasil. The only one that fell whose eyes alone are incredibly significant to the story was Ruby. So, they could choose to have her allude to Odin by having Ruby make some kind of deal with whatever entity likely rules over this magical place. An eye for Penny’s life.

There’s another story about Odin, Yggdrasil and the pursuit of knowledge. Odin so loved knowledge, that he sacrificed himself in a quest to learn the deeper magic of runes. It was believed one could only learn the magic spells from runes in death. So, Odin hung himself on Yggdrasil for nine days as an offering, and teetered between life and death. After he mastered the last spell on the ninth night, he ritually died and all light was extinguished from the world. Odin’s death lasted until midnight, when he was reborn and light returned to the world.

This story doesn’t fit Penny perfectly, but allusions often don’t. So If she really did land near the tree, she could be another loose representation of Odin’s story here. What she did wasn’t for knowledge, but to save her friends and keep Cinder from getting the Winter Maiden power. She believed it necessary that she sacrifice herself to achieve this end. As we established, Penny represents Hope, so her death means the loss of hope. This parallels Odin’s story of his death meaning the loss of light itself. So if this theory holds up, it would make this death temporary, until her rebirth and the return of Hope with her once again.

Alternatively, Ruby has the potential of loosely representing Odin in this story as well. Odin later uses the knowledge of the runes to do many things, but the most relevant one right now is awakening the dead. Both of these stories are about making a personal sacrifice to gain something that is desired. Ruby would absolutely make such sacrifices if it meant saving Penny.

It is said that Odin lived “according to his highest will unconditionally, accepting whatever hardships arise from that pursuit, and allowing nothing, not even death, to stand between him and the attainment of his goals." This sounds like Penny's arc of accepting the WM powers. This is more just a general connection between Penny and Odin, but I found it interesting.

Side Note: I encourage anyone who’s interested to look into RWBY connections to Norse Myth, there’s a surprising amount of things that feel eerily similar to the show. Likely just coincidental, but it’s fun to think about!

(If I got any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize by the way. I researched as best I could, but I admit it could have been lacking.)

Ambrosius and the Staff:

Ruby told Ambrosius "we kinda wanna keep her around longer than that" as part of her very specific instructions. Then Penny died about ten to fifteen minutes, at the absolute most thirty minutes later in-universe. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems very short to be considered ‘longer than that’. Technically it is, but when writing a story and a character says something like that, you typically don’t just kill the character they were referring to basically right away. It makes sense for a week-by-week watch, but in a volume binge, which many viewers do, it becomes ironic how fast Penny dies after being removed from her robotic body.

The first time we see the staff of creation being used, it's to save Penny. Using the staff of creation to help Penny is a sign of how incredibly important she is.

They’ve even got this entire transformation sequence for her, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to throw all that away two episodes later. In a meta context, it’s a massive waste of time and budget considering the asset creation for Penny.

Penny is a character who has already hopped bodies two times. And now we're supposed to just believe that this time it really is a final death? Just two episodes after we were explicitly told her body isn't what matters, that "Her soul is who she is" and that "the mechanical parts are just extra"? From a writing perspective, it feels strange, like your breaking a promise right after making it. And frankly, CRWBY is better than that, which makes me think this is not the actual end for her.

A possible connection between Penny, Ruby, and the Staff (thus Creation) can be seen in the intro. As Ruby is falling and being dragged down into the darkness, she is shown reaching for the staff. In the void space, Penny is the one with the relic. So with Penny having this strong connection to Creation, and the lyrics “fight for every life” playing as Ruby reaches for the staff, it’s a safe assumption to make, with the knowledge we now have, that the Staff of Creation represents Penny in this particular moment. Which could mean that V9 will be about, at least partially, fighting for Penny’s life.

Musical Hints:

In terms of music, Friend, as a song for Penny, is very dissonant from the episode itself. The song is oddly cheerful for Penny’s recent untimely death, and it overall highlights the wrong parts of death. It’s simply too happy to be a song about losing one of the most, if not the most joyous characters in the entire show. The song also abruptly ends. There’s no outro, and while this could symbolize the fact that Penny died young, it could be that the song itself is unfinished in a story sense.

What do we hear just before the song finishes, though? A progression of notes that sounds eerily similar to the last line of the opening of Volume 8. The notes for “Fight for ev’ry life” and “Who fin’lly felt alive'' share a similar melodic structure, they aren’t perfect clones of each other, but they are incredibly similar, to the point where it seems intentional. Penny may very well be the life that the opening song is fighting for. It is also worth noting that the line “Fight for every life” comes just after “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall,” which is the exact wording used for the description in the Volume 8 finale. Team RWBY risked the fall, yet, strangely the opposite of fighting for every life happened with Penny’s sacrifice. Perhaps the time to fight for every life has yet to happen, and we will see it come Volume 9.

For another thing, the lyrics for Friend are entirely centered on Penny’s feelings for Ruby, to the point where they read very much like a bittersweet love song. The music itself is incredibly cheerful, as mentioned previously, creating a mood whiplash with the end of the volume. Why would we hear a song about Penny’s feelings for Ruby, sounding like a love song, if her death is supposed to be a tragic sacrifice akin to Pyrrha’s? The song may very well be giving a clue into its future use in the show proper.

If this was meant to be a good bye song, why make it so cheerful and romantic sounding? There's only one part about her dying and even then, it's just too accepting and goes right back into cheerfulness. The song is also pretty hopeful, telling Penny's story in a fairly chronological order. And the part where she talks about sacrifice is quite pointedly followed up by one about feeling alive. It also ends with the super cheerful chorus, the word "alive" being the last... (Remember the episode title: The Final Word)

(I want to thank my friend @shadow-0f-x for writing the majority of this section! I was struggling to choose how to tackle it as I am not well versed in music theory.)

What We Didn’t See:

It is likely that Penny understood Jaune's semblance better than him and figured something out about it’s abilities in the same way that she understood Ruby's semblance better than her. She had plenty of time to observe his semblance up close as he boosted her aura to stave off the virus. Because of that intentionally timed cutaway in the finale, we don’t get to hear her explain herself after her strained “Trust me.” All of that seems really suspicious to me.

Pyrrha Parallel:

Pyrrha and Penny both sacrificed themselves to stop or stall Cinder. Jaune tried to convince the both of them to stop. With Pyrrha, he failed, while with Penny he actively helped her sacrifice herself. Doesn’t make sense for the guy who was determined not to let anyone else do what Pyrrha did, unless of course Penny assured him she’d be alright.

The Moment:

RT including the suicide hotline in the description shows that they're aware that Penny basically committed assisted suicide, seeing it as a noble sacrifice worth doing to save her friends. They're aware, and I believe they're smart enough to condemn that decision to hell and back.

The best way to do that in my opinion is to pull her back into the land of the living and let her witness first hand the consequences of throwing her life away so freely. This would show Penny how her actions affected others so maybe she could learn to truly value herself. To not think herself expendable. It would be bold and unwise to portray this choice as something good, unless it was going to be called upon later and be pointed out for how horrible it really is.

On top of this, Penny was way too content with her death, happy even. There's no way team RWBY is letting her stay content with it. It’s almost as though we're supposed to join Ruby and Co. in calling bullshit on what Penny is saying and doing because no, Penny, this is not how things are meant to work. It's as if Penny was basically saying "I want to die for my friends" because most of the volume had been about everyone else making sure she didn't die. She knows it will hurt them. She knows.

At the peak of it all, a choice like this will totally destroy Ruby. It may very well be her breaking point for Volume 9. Curiously, the moment itself is written like it’s the first choice Penny’s ever made, yet the entire Volume shows this isn’t the case. However, this is the first choice that Penny’s made solely independently and it’s rather pertinent that the choice she makes is a mistake. Outside of giving Winter the Maiden gift and saving the day temporarily, this sacrifice will not have any lasting positive effects. Jaune will be saddled with the grief of killing Penny. Ruby will have to live with losing her best friend and not being able to protect her a second time, and Winter now has the burden of the Winter Maiden abilities, making her a target of Cinder. This is a bad thing, and Penny needs to see the long term consequences.

Transfer of Power:

As we all know, colors in RWBY are really important and get a lot of focus in the show. That means the yellow we see as Penny gives Winter the Maiden Powers was intentional and likely important, no matter how insignificant it may seem. It’s possible that the transfer effect being yellow could have something to do with Jaune’s semblance. When Fria gave the power to Penny, the effect was very much blue, so this transfer should have been green since she was the one giving it this time. The weirdness of this transfer and the focus on color in RWBY really makes it look like something’s up with how that went down.

A little off topic, but Penny saying "I won't be gone, I'll be part of you." makes me think... Winter is smart, so when she gets time to think about what Penny said, maybe she'll arrive at the same question many in the audience came to; if she's literally part of Winter, can they be separated again? If Winter starts questioning that, the possibility of Penny coming back just skyrockets.

Fria actually tells Penny "I'll be gone" before giving her powers up, which is an interesting contrast to Penny telling Winter "I won't be gone". She may have gotten that line from Winter be all philosophical in V7, saying Fria was now a part of Penny, but it hits differently coming from an actual Maiden. S5o it’s possible that Maidens usually actually will be gone, but Jaune's semblance did something to change that.

This could go well with the theory that they won't need to find an aura transfer machine, or build another one, because Jaune will have a semblance evolution allowing him to do the transfer instead. It might actually be that this evolution already happened and the golden light we saw was Jaune transferring penny's aura to Winter in some way?

An observation that I find interesting is when Penny gives winter the powers, not only is the aura yellow but penny completely glows yellow too, and she obviously starts to disappear, but she doesn’t seem to fully disappear, she just glows.

It's possibly a fading out effect and she does fully fade but animation makes bright light easier, and so we don't actually see her disappear because she's dead and not gone. But it does once again emphasize the color yellow here!

And the color is coming from Penny, it does go up Winter's arm a bit, but Penny is clearly the source. This transfer is so weird and I’m not really sure how to interpret it. There's just actually no reason that we are aware of to make the effect yellow here is the thing. Unless it has something to do with either Jaune or Ambrosius, or potentially a combination of both...

Jaune’s Aura:

The way we see Jaune's aura break in the finale is strange. His aura shouldn't be breaking here. It had been long enough since he was boosting Penny, he's had time to recharge, and it didn't look like it was a strain on him at all. Plus, we know he has a lot of aura, so there probably wasn't too much to recharge in the first place.

He has a massive amount of aura, it has never broken before as far as I remember. Even if it has though, that doesn’t make this occurrence any less odd. It should absolutely never be a one-hit KO. We didn't see anything that would've drained it, that should not have been enough to break his aura. Unless he did something - something that would require a huge amount of aura - that we just didn't see. That amount of aura drain is far more than just an attempt at healing would do, Jaune absolutely did something with his semblance that took up almost all of his aura.

Pinocchio Allusion:

As any Penny fan knows, her character allusion is Pinocchio, the puppet who became a real boy. Penny deviates from the allusion by having always been a real girl, as Ruby is quick to point out, but she shares many story beats with her original story including multiple deaths. In the original story, Pinocchio dies from being hung by his own strings due to his poor decision making and he dies. Sounds a little familiar, does it not? This is where his tale originally ended. Readers were unsatisfied with this ending however, so the author decided to change the story by reviving Pinocchio and teaching him to be more careful.

Unlike Pinocchio making all the wrong decisions, Penny often makes the right ones, or ones she thinks is right, when concerning others. While usually a good thing, this has meant Penny almost giving herself up multiple times during V8, her last attempt being successful. This is where Penny and Pinocchio begin to share similarities again. They are both very reckless when it concerns themselves. This carelessness comes from different places, but it ends with the same result of them endangering their lives and even sometimes losing them.

In the Disney movie, Pinocchio dies by drowning after going to rescue Geppetto and washes up on the shore (like the beach in V8’s post credit scene). His father is devastated and takes him home to grieve, but as a reward for his selflessness in rescuing his father, the Blue Fairy returns and brings him back to life, as well as granting him humanity. Penny sacrificed her life as well, and it stands to reason that she should be rewarded for it, much like her allusion was.

Penny got her maiden powers from someone with blue aura and then gave her powers to someone with blue aura. So it could be that not only Ambrosius, but Fria and Winter as well represent the Blue Fairy. It could be set up for Winter helping to bring Penny back to life once more. It’s an out there theory I admit, but it’s not outright impossible either. The Blue Fairy in Pinocchio saved him three times that I know of, so RWBY having three representations does make sense.

Geppetto wished for him to live as a real boy, but it depended on what path Pinocchio took. This is very reminiscent of Penny and Pietro. Pietro wants to see her live her life, and surely with him absent in V8C14 that didn't work, despite Penny choosing. Her father did not see her happy enough to live her life, and will only be able to learn her death through others. But Pinocchio's themes were life and being alive. So the likelihood that this is not her end yet is quite high!

A Girl That Fell Through the World:

Penny could be the girl who fell through the world. The girl in the story fled the consequences of a choice. The only person who chose her ultimate fate was Penny. The others were pushed into the void, but she chose to die. The consequence of her choice is Ruby’s grief first and foremost, which Penny won’t see. The girl who fell through the world does come back though, and the world will be changed severely with Penny’s absence. Alternatively, it could also be Penny coming back to Wonderland or wherever they currently are, as long as it’s unrecognizable to her.

What Returning Brings:

Others might say another return would have no story relevant purpose, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Penny gives a profoundly youthful, joyous, and wondrous outlook on the world and story that we hadn't seen since Ruby in Volumes 1-3(not the end), Penny returning would bring a much needed levity back in after the despair they will undoubtedly be going through. While not necessarily a huge thing in most other shows, for RWBY, a show largely about keeping up hope, an ounce of such relief is a necessity.

As much as I hate saying it, Penny’s death does actually make some narrative sense because she had to pass on the Maiden powers. (They could have done this in a number of ways, and I personally think they chose rather poorly, but I digress.) Throughout this whole volume, we can see Penny seemingly being set up to join the main cast, but would have been too strong with the powers. This also accomplishes ridding her of the burden of responsibility that comes with being a Maiden and lets her obtain the freedom that’s so important to her character.

Once she returns, seeing this grief that her actions caused, particularly to Ruby, will get her to realize more that her actions can have serious repercussions. She made a choice, but that choice hurt the people she loves. She must have known that it would but I’m not sure she ever realized just how much.

I didn’t want this post to be heavy in the shipping department, so I largely left it out, but I am going to say this one thing that could have an impact. If Nuts & Dolts is on its way to being canon, which this volume makes it feel highly likely, this could be a catalyst.

It could prompt an arc for the both of them in which Penny learns to live her life fighting for her loved ones, rather than sacrificing it for them. A relationship could potentially start from there. And Ruby seeing Penny learn these things may also help her to stop doing the occasional but very dangerous and reckless things she does. Ruby witnessing Penny coming to terms with what she did to the people that care about her would actually make her stop to think “wait, is this how everyone else would feel if I got myself killed?” That would be a very important moment of character growth for her.

I’m certain there are other significant things that Penny returning can bring to the show. And there are definitely more sections I could add to this. At this point though, assuming anyone even made it this far, I think I’ve been going long enough already. So let’s just roll into the outro!

As painful and hopeless as it seems, I'm choosing to trust them with this because there is absolutely no way they didn't see backlash coming. The way this finale went makes me think that they calculated for backlash and aren’t jumping into something they don’t have a plan to recover from. Whether this trust is unfounded or not remains to be seen, but I don’t think it is currently. I do think, however, that the cause of this backlash was a major misstep. Now that it has happened though, they have a chance to do something good with it.

I know for a lot of you, trust in CRWBY has been damaged, some even irreparably so. And for those that feel this way, I don’t blame you. My trust in them took a hit too, but isn’t broken completely yet. There are many ways that they can bring her back that would make sense with the narrative, they have the ability to make it right, and after going over all of the hints and general weirdness of things many times, I think they will.

I'm feeling pretty confident now and I really didn't expect that to happen at all to be honest. But discussing and theorizing with the discord server seriously helped get my hopes back up surprisingly fast! It’s actually thanks to all of them that this gigantic post even happened! So thanks a ton my fellow Dolts! And a special thanks to!!

@arcana-amicus

@catontheweb

@cosmokyrin

@gaydontmesswithme224

@jammatown919

@shadow-0f-x

They really helped get this thing across the finish line!

And thank YOU for reading all~ of this! I sincerely wish it gave you some of the hope and confidence that I now have!

[sofijaeger]

hey, it's my first time doing any request so i'm little embarrassed but i'm excited too!! i love your writing so much<33 i had this in my mind for a while

Eren's s/o kissing his palms/hands or the spots where he usually bites his hand when he's about to transform

it can be anything(like drabble/headcanons etc. i hope you get me😭) once again I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM!!

that is so frickin adorable STOP I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BRAIN🥺 you can always request things to me, i’m not sure how soon i’ll get onto them but i will try my best and i love hearing from you!

okay i’m actually really proud of this one haha! the drabble will take place during the reclaim of shiganshina arc if that’s alright, and psa i scared myself writing a certain line because i had no clue how i was going to proceed after implying a major death LMAO. i think you’ll know what line i’m taking about but don’t worry nothing happens lol.

warnings: angst... IM SORRY🥲

words: 1.1k

kissing vow ~ eren x reader

Dawn quickly rose over the well-known territory. The part of land that was whispered upon for years ever since its fall, and a place strangely familiar to all your ears and hearts even if you hadn’t traveled there yourself. After the trip into the midnight wilderness you had arrived for a mission far greater than any other, and it was clear there were no visible signs of doubt from anyone.

Except for of course, the young boy with more pressure on his chest than anyone, one you cared for very dearly who’d call almost every shot with his actions. He was frightened beyond compare, so as the last few squads stood atop Wall Maria, urgently waiting for any signal, Eren was practically pissing himself right then and there. He had returned, devised a plan with all the leading commanders in just a few days, and was now preparing to risk his life for his homeland and people. There was no moment of rest for him or any of you. Besides the constant worry of succeeding the mission this very well may be the last time any of you see each other again.

You shout out his last name, once, twice, as he was too far in his own head to hear your first call and jog to him, gripping your delicate fingers over his shoulders. In the years you’ve spent together as scouts those small releases of tension-touching had become a clear sign you wanted each other’s attention, and you both caught onto the gesture quite quickly. Eren softened his eyes in your presence to notion just how focused he was on you. His subconscious would always allow his gaze to wander to you and what you had to say, he felt calmer that way.

“I already see you getting all inside your head, I thought talking about this on the journey here would be enough for you?” you whisper, leaning your head a little closer in attempt to understand what possibly was rumbling through his mind now.

“What if we lose”

“What?”

“I can’t bear to see us all lose! If we waited a little longer, a few more days, maybe we could have advised a plan that wouldn’t risk half the corps’ lives!” He tangled his hand in his hair, gripping the shaggy strands already coming loose from the stress he overdrove himself into. Your hands soften against the thick cloth of his cape, frowning at the few tears pricking his eyelids.

“Er, you’re more than welcome to cry to me later, just not now.” you chuckle.

“How are you so sure there’ll be a later y/n.”

You mouth opens before you can process your words, watching his cheek crane over to rest on the back of your hand that still lay against his collar. Here was humanity’s savior more worried than everyone minutes before call, but that you were perfectly fine with. This side to him was all the more proof that he was human, no matter what people labeled his being as.

“How am I sure? Bold of you to question my predictions Jaeger.” you exaggerate, placing your hands on your hips in a sneer. “I’m certain i’ll come back alive, and why? Because your protecting me with ever passionate fiber in your body, just as you will everyone else. You’re fighting for our justice against these monsters, the ones with no mind or cause. You have a cause to fight Eren and you have a heart too, a damn big one if I do say so myself. It’s the reason we support you with in the entireties of our own.”

With that, you intertwine your fingers around his right thumb, softly calloused to the touch he notes time and time again, and place it in front of your mouth to kiss. His body tenses at the feeling, but his eyes widen when he realizes where exactly you’ve placed it, your trust in him, where you’ve unknowingly hinted your years of growing affection for the boy in the heap of a split second.

Over the bitten scars littered down his radial.

He looks at you in confirmation of what he thinks it meant, and smiles into those fierce doe eyes of yours. A genuine emotion he hasn’t felt in months through grieving and loss, but could so easily melt into again with you.

So yes, he held a dangerous power, but it was all his. Something his true self was a part of that no one should ever neglect, and he found all the support he needed within the soldier right before him.

“Knock em dead Ren, do your best for everyone who’s lived and who will continue to. None of us would be standing here without you, so your presence alone is precious to us...

...We all believe in you, I believe in you.”

You guide his palm to your cheek, nuzzling into its claminess. As he engraves the plush feeling of his fingertips to your skin, a green smoke signal is fired.

And even when Eren was positive not everyone could be saved, he was reminded the ones following the biggest goals in the end would persevere and care for each other just as you had for him. He was confident you’d all succeed that way.

Like Armin now does over Commander Erwin,

Or little Gabi rather than Sasha, no matter what unjust brainwashing she believes.

But him or you, who would risk their own life caring for whom they loved most?

That was one thing he never wanted to find out.

Now he slouches in a rotten, stoned cell, contemplating what could’ve changed if only he had tried a little harder, or had this all been fate from the start?

His hand resting in his lap catches his glance, peering down at the bite marks still evident across his thumb. Surely if the marks he made as a teen persisted your kiss would too.

He slowly brings his hand up, cautious of any guards mistaking the move for another transformation, and presses his lips against the same spot you had. He closes his eyes at the warmth, sensing it was still emitting from your own lingering touch years ago. Unfortunately there had been no more little kisses, subtle clues of affection from either of you ever since. He liked those hints he really did, but now he was sure you stood a few floors above him, devising a plan to put an end to his scheme rather than caring over his emotions.

Weren’t you the one who told him to keep going though?

Perhaps if he had told you his motives beforehand rather than keeping them inside. How he appreciated every act of tenderness you gave him, more than anything he’s experienced before, how all this time he’s fought on this battlefield people called the world, for you and everyone else. Maybe then you’d stay out of his way and let him succeed, but his actions had no time for feelings or explanations. The freedom he desperately searched for in the future held no care for the past.

Yet he could never lie to himself and think you didn’t love him still, even after all this time. And Eren couldn’t deny anything about his own feelings for you, it’s what kept him going.

[tar-oh]

Pick a Pile: What do you need to hear right now?

Good news, folks! My semester is over! So, hopefully, this means my stress levels will not be as high and I'll have more energy to do more pick-a-piles! Today we're going to look at what you need to hear. Gonna be honest, all the piles seem related. It could be that they all hold a message for one person, or they're continuations of the others? Or they could be messages for people in situations that are related to one another? I'm not sure, but there's some connection between all three tbh. However, only read what you're feeling called to read. That means you can have more than one pile. I also have to put my normal disclaimer here: This is a general reading. Not all of it is going to apply to you. In addition to this, this is current energy and it can change by tomorrow. There is such a thing as free will, and we all need to remember that. If you do find that you resonate heavily with one (or two or all) of these piles and you want to know more, I am available for readings. Just DM me about it and I'll get back to you ASAP. I also have my cashapp and Paypal listed in my bio if you feel the need to tip (but it's not required) So, for the piles, pick an outfit worn by Fran Fine in season 1 of The Nanny!

Pile 1:

Cards: Cat, Eclipse, Saturday morning cartoons, Picollus, Alastor, Voices, Flying Without Wings, 7 of Cups, 6 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, Full Moon in Scorpio, Friendliness, Joy, Page of Wands, The Emperor, The Hierophant

Oof I just got REALLY warm. I'm not sure what that means, but I think some are you are furious at someone. Well, you're asked to release the negativity (Full Moon in Scorpio), and also the bottom of the deck of the Moonology cards was Bring Love Into the Situation. The song on currently is Are You on Your Way by Middle Class Rut, and I take this to mean...are you coming home? Like, to yourself. I think some of you have allowed others to influence who you are, losing sight of who you are. There's something coming, or maybe this has already happened, but it's good. Possibly an achievement? However, there are underlying issues within this or around you. I take this more as outside voices, that part about being influenced by others again. I think the Voices card is one thing to look at about this. From this, I get two things. The first being that you need to listen to your own voice, your own judgment. The second is that you should ignore any voices on the outside. By this I mean, like family or friends. I really get that some of you have family or friends around you that are giving you their advice, but that it's no good. The Picollus card talks about long-standing feuds (specifically family feuds) and the Alastor card talks about not being vengeful. So I think maybe there are some not-so-kind things that are being said, either about you or others and you're being asked to not listen to them.

But, with the 6 of wands, wheel of fortune and Flying without wings, I see that there's something you're about to achieve or have just done. The bottom of the deck for the tarot was the tower, so for some, this is sudden. Maybe a promotion? Or, graduation, so a culmination of things leading up to something. But, I'm seeing that this can only be good if you're careful with where you get advice from and how you act. I'm not saying to ignore all advice, but I think when you hear advice, you're aware of what's good for you/will work for you and what won't. With the eclipse card, I can see that there are some things that may be unknown to you right now, and maybe this tower card on the bottom is coming energy (or past, depending on where you are at). The energy of this pile is NOT bad. It's more cautionary. There's a lot here about your shadow side, and I really want to stress that your shadow side isn't something to hate. It's a part of you. So I think you're being asked to be mindful of your actions towards others but also other's actions towards you, while also being kind to yourself?

Moving Along by 5sos came on. I was going to say that it feels like some of you are moving on from something, and maybe it's a breakup or a past failure, but now you're moving into better times like you're succeeding with something else. Moving on. But, I think there's a bit of fear here. For a few, there's resentment. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be resentful, but in the cards, there is a warning to be careful not to allow that to overtake you. The bottom of the Witches Oracle is Greet the Darkness, and this tells me that if you are feeling that resentment, you're being called to feel it. I don't think you can just ignore it, because it will eat away at you. However, you're being asked to feel it and then let it pass. So, again, kind of goes back to moving along, right? You also are being asked to find your voice and not use other's voices to dominate your thoughts/actions.

You know, it's not even a song that came on, but I was thinking about Harry Styles' song, Treat People with Kindness and I kind of am getting that message here? Like, I think overall, this is just a call to be good. Like, to discern what you hear, but also to be the best you can be. Do not to give in to the temptation of being a less than stellar person. I think it's a warning to be careful. Like, an ego thing?

I feel like there's something missing though? Like, I'm at the edge of what the overall message of this pile is, and they all seem to connect, but it's on the tip of my tongue and it won't come out? So, I wonder if there's also a need to speak up? We did get Voices. Also 7 of Cups can be about having too many choices that you're stuck trying to decide. It can also be about being stuck in the clouds. So, maybe there's a need to figure out what you want to say and say it? As concise as possible, but not too blunt? I had to go back and pull a couple more cards from some other decks (so, the Moonology cards are part of that). The other two cards I pulled from my Affirmators! deck and they were Joy and Friendliness. So!!! Yes, please treat people with kindness! But I also think this is kind of a treat people the way you'd want to be treated, so like, greeting meanness with a smile? Don't Take the Money came on, and I'm really noticing the line: "Buy back the secrets". This song is ultimately about not giving in to greed. Like, not choosing greed over love, and I think that's part of this message. I can see this resentment bubbling under the surface and I sound like a broken record by now, but? I think you're not really meant to allow it to bubble.

Also, I think you guys are my music group because I got SO many songs for you? I also was all ready to wrap this up, thinking "Well, there's that, I think I'm done." But again, I was still feeling like I was missing something and then a song called Something Left To Give by The Starting Line came on, so here I am pulling more cards. We got Page of Wands, The Emperor, and The Hierophant. But then...the bottom of the deck was The Tower again? So, first off. I think a lot of you are definitely ignoring something, like a lesson you're meant to be learning? And I think it has a lot to do with surrounding your ego and maybe reaching into the shadows. But I also think it has to do with holding grudges while also holding onto toxic things, such as thoughts or people? I think, with the Emperor and the Hierophant here, you have the ability to be kind while also upholding your boundaries, but I think this is less about how you are and more about how you need to be. And sometimes...that's about upholding boundaries with yourself, whether it be letting go of certain behaviors or thoughts, or making sure other people do not cross those boundaries. Another thing I'm getting is that there may be certain beliefs you hold about yourself or others, or even the world, that need to be changed. I get this "My way or the high-way" feeling from the Hierophant and the emperor, and I think that if you have this attitude, you're being asked to really rethink that. It's okay to not be right all the time, and it's also okay to make mistakes. It's also okay to change your mind. To find that what you once believe doesn't really hold up anymore. I just think it's SOMETHING to get the tower on the bottom of two different decks, and I think this is about well, I'm getting shipwreck imagery in my mind. Crashing those beliefs? Wrecking them? Burning them down and starting over. Saying to yourself: "Hey, I don't really need this anymore. It doesn't match who I am now and where I want to go. I can let this go now." And, this can apply to more than just beliefs. I am using the Daemon tarot and the bottom deck energy was brooms which has the same meaning as the Witches Oracle Brooms card: Cleaning. It can mean physical cleaning (and it IS spring. I know I need to clean lol), but it also can talk about purification. So, purging those beliefs that do not fit anymore and getting rid of what does not serve you. What is not working for you anymore? What isn't helping you be the best person you can be? It's not about quitting things cold turkey one morning. It's about slowly allowing those things to fall away. So I'm not saying you need to get up and both physically and metaphorically clean your life. I'm just saying, to start that process. Ya know? Getting a garbage bag ready and filling it as you go.

I really think there is something good happening for you but I think you need to keep yourself grounded in reality and to be the best you can be while this is happening. I also think you need to not allow others (or your own self) to get to you. I don't see anything in here saying you are a bad person, I just see that there's a reminder being made to be good and be the best you can be, which also includes making sure that what you have in your life is good for you. Nothing drastic has to happen (if you don't want that), but mindfulness is needed.

YIKES, that was long lol Also, side note, the bottom card for my Dreams deck was Animals, and I think if you've been having a lot of dreams involving animals, this was meant for you especially. I could barely fit all the cards in this picture, so I didn't take a pic of the animal card, but if you're dying to see it lmk lol The bottom of the Affirmators! deck as Trust. It just talks about how you know you'll be okay. Personally, when I'm having really bad days, I usually write in my journal "I am okay. I will be okay." Idk, just something I do that helps me. It's small, but it gives me hope. Songs: Kamikaze - WALK THE MOON Moving Along - 5 Seconds of Summer (the bass in this song is honestly top-tier :) ) Are you on your way - Middle Class Rut Treat People With Kindness - Harry Styles Don't Take the Money - Bleachers (Specifically the version Ft Lorde) Funny Business - Alice Merton The Abyss - DBMK

Pile 2:

Cards: Full moon in Gemini, Beauty, 5 of Cups, 9 of Cups, 6 of Cups, Murder, Pineapple, Confetti Rainbow, Money Green, Passing Notes, Nature Spirits reversed, Lamia, Astaroth, Cali, Knight of Pentacles reversed, 4 of Wands, King of pentacles

This group has a very specific message that comes out. It took a bit to get there, but I wanted to say that this is a specific situation. If you were called to it, then by all means carry on reading. However, if you find that you do not vibe with what this is saying, then this might not be your pile. However, I think there also might be a few bits here and there for some people, and not the whole message, so maybe try it out first.

First off, I get similar vibes to pile 1, but this pile seems more to be in a victim mentality. I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel that way, but I'm getting that there's a line and that you're either already past it, or you're near it. That line draws a boundary between feeling sorry for yourself and on the other side: feeling sorry for yourself that you play victim, never taking responsibility for yourself/actions. Get a defensive energy (I wouldn't be surprised if you were reading this and thinking that it may not be your pile because you're denying it? Hey, I do that all the time. I'm pretty guilty of this). I think a lot of you have had a tough time recently, or are still in the thick of it. I'm here to say that it will pass, but that you can't allow this to turn you bitter. Nor can you use this to take it out on other people. There's a strong message about making sure you don't do that. Also, not to manipulate others? I think there's a possibility of falling into this mentality that you're the victim and may be manipulating people into feeling sorry for you. I just get a weird manipulative vibe and I think maybe some of you can have the tendency of doing this, possibly even without being aware of it.

There's also a message of lightening up, allowing yourself to have fun. To stop focusing on the negative aspects of a situation, and find the humor in it. It may be something hard to do right now, but I think you'll find that maybe one day soon, you'll be able to do so.

Also, there's another side note about someone else? This can be a father figure, a boss/ceo figure? This could just be someone who embodies the King of Pentacles (he's the CEO type, has his shit together, is stable, more on the materialistic side of things, etc.). Whether this is you (could be!) or someone else you know/will know, I don't get bad vibes. I mean, I pulled the 4 of wands with that card, so I think it's kind of this stable energy whoever this is. However, there also is the Knight of Pentacles reversed, which can represent carelessness. The Full Moon in Gemini talks about being careful with one's words, like that whole "Less is more" idea when communicating. I think these two go together, and I think it just is someone who is a little too direct and blunt. I get work vibes tbh, so I think this could involve your workplace, so possibly a boss? Passing Notes talks about gossip/rumors, so I think this is like...A warning not to gossip or even to not believe everything you hear? I don't get any romance vibes but I think this could involve something that never took off? Oh, I was going to delete that, but I actually listened to what the song I was hearing was saying, Contagious by Boys Like Girls. This has sent me down a whole other path for another message lol

So, this might apply to some of you, but I think you may be involved with someone (or want to be?) who is the King of Pentacles, but they're kind of horrible at communication (or one of you is). I think they're more money-focused, and maybe they hear shit about you that has shaped their opinion about you (or vice-versa). But despite this, they like you. I think they don't quite know how to express themselves, and maybe you're feeling down about this because maybe you don't think they're into you? I still think this is work-related though. That, or this is someone who is just super focused on their work. But, I have 9 of cups and 6 of cups, so I think you're kind of what they're looking for and maybe they feel at home with you.

For some, you're being warned about this person. They can be manipulative/play the victim. For others, maybe they do that, but I think it's something being worked on. Either way, someone in this situation is having a lot of trouble expressing themselves. There is anxiety surrounding this situation. I get it on both sides. But I think for some there is some communication coming. Or at least an action that will communicate things. It seems like something practical if it is an action, but friendly. OMG what kind of relationship is this? Like what kind of a dynamic do you have? Because Drug by Simple Creatures came on after and it just feels like the song Contagious. Like this idea of being addicted to the way someone makes them feel? I think this is someone that can compartmentalize their feelings...but I think with you...it's harder? Okay, now I'm just getting nosey...I want to explore whatever the fuck THIS is further, so I'm going to pull some more cards.

SHHH Don't tell the other piles I got really fucking nosey and pulled more cards. :/ So, what I get about this King of Pentacles person is that they may already be pretty established in their life? I got Ten of Pentacles, which talks about that happy family, but like. More-so, the material aspect, like needs being met. This could just mean someone who's got their own place and a good position in their job. With the Knight and Page showing up, I think that if this is work-related, you're under them in terms of position? I get this message a lot actually, about a boss/employer relationship? So, I think this is an ongoing thing. Who is this for? Lemme know if this is you lol bc this comes up so much and like. I don't think it's me because I don't have a love life to speak about. Just crushes on unavailable men. Anyway, I think that whoever this is, they can't express their emotions. This could be because of someone else in the picture. There are a lot of court cards here, also, bottom of the deck for this is The Empress. So a mother, either there is or the mother of their kids if they have kids? Or someone who they see/saw as the mother of their future kids? Could be roles reversed, and that this is the father. Take whatever resonates doesn't have to be a woman and the king does not have to be a man. But, I think this burdens them. Like, they have a lot of responsibilities that rest on them, and they're unable to express what they want to express to you because they're "chained" to these feelings. You know, I almost get like...Less another relationship and more a social standard, or company issue because in both the Page of Hazards (pentacles) and the Empress, there are kids being chained to something (They ARE zombies but...interesting that two cards that have chains are pulled...). Even more interesting is that the kid in the page of hazards is chained to a mailbox with cobwebs, so I get communication issues with that. I think it's both hard to express their feelings because they're not someone who does so openly or easily. But also, they just cannot because of external circumstances. So, like If you came here because of some work/love situation...Then. There ya go...The feelings are there, but cannot be expressed. At least, not at this time. And maybe that's where that victim mentality comes in? Like, a "Why me?" or "Why can't it be easier?" Because I kind of relate to this pile, and I get how fucking annoying it is to hear "The feelings are there but can't be expressed". It hurts, I know.

But. Here I am to remind you that you got that Beauty card, right? I wasn't sure how it really factored into all of it, and was just going to use it as a reminder of your beauty, and I guess I am doing that now. But I'm also going to tell you something someone once told me: You deserve someone that will give you their time. By that, you deserve someone who feels for you and can openly express how they feel for you. I'm not saying this King of Pentacles person is a bad person, or that they're not for you, but it just seems like right now is not the time for this to work out. I don't see anything that says it won't work out, but on the other hand, I don't see anything that says it will. I think its just one of those things where you're going to have to be patient with. The song I ended your reading on is Space Travel by Yellowcard. It's about getting lost in someone and loosing who your are within this other person. Like, loosing your personality. I'm not sure where you are with this person, but I think this is reminding you to take care of yourself first. Whoever this person is, they have other things they need to take care of first, too. I also think they're putting themselves first. I don't want to say move on entirely, because that can be hard. It can seem impossible some days. I do want to say, however, that you need to make sure you're not waiting around on this person. There are so many other people in this world, and I find it impossible that you only find "it" (whatever "it" is that you found within this person) with this one person. Which, again, sounds like an impossible thing to say. Like that saying "there's other fish in the sea". I personally hate when people tell me that. But, one day you're going to have a memory of this situation and it's not going to ache as much. I can't guarantee there won't be a sting, but I can guarantee that with time, it feels better. Songs:

Slow Burn - Kacey Musgraves Contagious - Boys Like Girls Drug - Simple Creatures Space Travel - Yellowcard

Pile 3:

Cards: 4 of Pentacles, the Empress, the Emperor, Hanging at the Mall, Clouds, Gel Pens, Lamia, Andras, Pumpkin, Being Lost/Losing Something, Ideal Partnership, New Moon in Sagittarius, New Moon in Libra, King of Wands, 9 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune This pile seems related to the other two? I'm not sure why but all the piles had this weird "Spring cleaning" theme, about clearing what isn't working. But this pile seems to specifically be about love. So, I think if you're trying to move on from something/someone, this is a sign that things will be turning in your favor. Firstly, we pulled the emperor AND the empress. However, similar to how in Pile 2, where I felt the King of Pentacles in that pile was someone unable to express their emotions (its so odd that I got that, because I also got an emperor vibe but didn't pull it, but here it is in this pile?), I get that...this could be you? Because the New Moon in Libra suggests that someone is coming into your life that CAN express their emotions, but in one of the songs that came on, Headphones by WALK THE MOON, there's a line where he sings: "I wanna open my heart, but you won't open the door." Similarly, there's a part in Eyes are Red (Don't be Afraid) by Deep Sea Diver, where she sings "Don't be afraid". I kind of read into this song is about expressing one's feelings. But, we have the 4 of pentacles here, and it can be about hoarding. And in this sense, I'm getting...hoarding feelings? Like, keeping them in. But, they're there, at the tip of your tongue, they just can't get out. I think for some of you, this comes from past hurt. You closed your heart and you're afraid to express yourself, but I think you're being asked to allow yourself to heal while being open about your feelings. I think there is someone coming in (King of Wands), who is going to want to know about you and you're going to be a little worried to open up? But, these cards say it's okay to open up. You have two cards that indicate luck, and also you have a card indicating that you're protected (Pumpkin talks about being protected). I think this "Spring cleaning" is more about clearing out your emotions...letting them out? I think once you open up more, you're going to find that there are a lot of opportunities for you, you just need to be open to them. I think you're getting there, though, and with the Empress, I can see that you're healing from something. I always get that "nurturing" vibe from that card, but I definitely am reading this as you nurturing yourself, but maybe this involves you keeping things inside? Nevertheless, we got a pair, the Empress and the Emperor, so I could also read this as counterparts. I'm reading them as mostly you but I also can see this as you and someone else. One interesting thing is that I see the guy on the 9 of wands following the King of Wands. Not sure if that makes you feel of anything, but I read 9 of wands as persistence. This makes me think of the song Ends of the Earth by Lord Huron (which came on during this reading). The idea of following someone to the ends of the earth (let's hope they're not a flat earther...). I think this is someone really dedicated to you if you let them be. This song is also really beautiful and gives off this certain vibe that I can't really explain. It's like...One you need to experience? But I think this person could give off that vibe to be honest. I don't even know how to word this. Omg, there's a part in this song where he sings "I was a-ready to die for you baby, doesn't mean I was ready to stay." A SAGITTARIUS VIBE THAT WAS WHAT I WAS SEARCHING FOR! I've read that people with prominent Sagittarius placements need to have room. So, I wonder if this is someone (or even you) that needs to have that space? That's what that song feels like to me, though! I also kind of am thinking about that Ideal Partnership card and how it says that what your looking for is looking for you. There's a song that came on called First Grade by Max Leone, and he sings "I think about working out something with someone like you. I've looked

around, never found something or someone like you." I think that this is a person that definitely wants to pursue something and I think that this is telling you that you need to be open to it if you want something like this to happen. I think this song also highlights the need for action but being afraid to take action. I don't really see too many action-oriented things, but I see that being social is kind of something that needs to happen? I do get a Fool vibe from this, though. Like, taking a leap/risk? I don't know what kind of a risk, but I can see that you're being called to action in some way. In Pile 2, one of the messages was this need to not allow a victim mentality to take over. I could see that in here as well. I think it's like, whatever you went through in the past to make it hard for you to open up, happened. You have the right to feel that pain. But, then, you also have to move on at some point and heal? The Couds card talks about shifting and adapting. I don't have too many other cards about adaption, outside of maybe the 9 of wands being about persistence (and by this, I mean persisting change within?). I could take the 4 of pentacles, though, and say that this idea about not budging and "hoarding" your feelings definitely needs to be gone. I think this also is more than just about love. This can also be about making friends, in general. I think there's a sense of loneliness in this group that I didn't really feel for the last two groups. I almost wonder if this group is...the other end of group 2? Because there was someone else within that energy, and I could see you being that other person lol Whatever the case is, the big message of this group is to open up and not hold your emotions in. Songs: The Scientist - Coldplay (this has nothing to do with this reading, but I found out today that Chris Martin had to learn how to sing this song backward so that they could film the video in reverse so now it's extra weird watching it) No News is Good News - New Found Glory Ends of the Earth - Lord Huron First Grade - Max Leone

[shig-a-shig-ah]

break my heart a little, what about something like "we'll see each other again" kisses but shigaraki and reader before he goes away for his afo transfer process ;-;

YES YES YES I love this so much and y'all feed me so well with the angsty requests. There really aren't words to express just how obsessed I am with the idea of Shig having to leave his s/o to do this, like I play around with this in Solace and also Paper Skin a lil’ bit and I’m working on another one shot that’s kind of similar to this request because the angst potential here is just SO good, I can’t get over it. 

Anyway, sorry for rambling, on to the kissing :D

» contains: fluff + gn!reader

"And you have to go now?" you ask, your fingers clutching at the front of Tomura's shirt. He'd told you he was going to meet with the doctor, that he needed to get stronger in the wake of the fight for Deika City and the backlash from 'leveling up' his Quirk, but you hadn't been prepared for him to return and tell you this. That he was leaving for four months, that he'd only come back at all to put things in order and to say goodbye. He'd wasted no time putting things in motion, while you were left reeling.

"The sooner I go, the sooner the Liberation Front can make its move." It's not the only reason he's rushing things, though he won't admit that out loud. The truth is he doesn't want time to think about what he'll be subjecting himself to, or what might happen in the four months that he's gone. You'd been quick to say that you'd wait for him and he wants to trust that - does trust you - but worry niggles at the back of his mind no matter how he tries to suppress it. Four months is a long time and even if it wasn't, who knows if he'll come back the same. If you'll even want him then.

You nod, and he can see that you're trying to be brave, but your lower lip is quivering, your eyes blinking frantically, not quite succeeding at suppressing your tears and fuck, he hates this, hates being the reason you're crying even if it's unavoidable, even if this is what has to happen.

"Tomu..." Your voice cracks when you whisper his name, still staring at him with that pleading expression, and he worries for a minute that you're going to ask him not to do it. He prays that you won't - Sensei always said love only made people weak and now, for the first time, Tomura truly feels that weakness, because he doesn't think he could refuse you if you begged him to stay. Yet, he's almost disappointed when a different question falls from your lips. "You'll come back, right? We'll see each other again?"

"Of course we will. It's only a few months."

But you don't look like you believe him, your eyes wide and full of uncertainty. "You promise?"

"I promise." The words come out thick, his own chest tightening, but he means it. Nothing's going to keep him from finding his way back to you, even if you may not like what returns. That thought only worsens the lump forming in his throat, and he distracts himself by sealing that promise with a kiss, pulling you to him abruptly and smashing his lips into yours.

It's heated, your lips working frenetically, trying to feel as much of each other as you can before this long separation begins. Tomura does his best to commit every detail of it to memory - the softness of your lips and the way you taste faintly sweet as his tongue dances with your own, the way you whimper needily when his fingertips dig into your sides, your hands wrapping around his neck to tangle in his hair, pulling him as close as you can. Even the wetness of your cheeks and the way you’re trembling. 

The two of you don't separate until your lungs are burning and you're gasping for air, and then you stare at each other, Tomura's thumb lifting to brush along your lower lip. "I have to go," he says.

You fight back another surge of tears, forcing a shaky smile. "Okay," you nod. "I'll be waiting."  

[milliedazzledust]

Turning Pages (Kol Mikaelson imagine)

Request by @scallisonbaby : Could you write an imagine for Kol, she’s the daughter of one of his main enemies, she tried to keep it a secret but he finds out and klaus tries to kill her saying she’s probably spying on us but Kol proctects the reader.

Words: 2858 words

A/N: this doesn’t follow the chronology or history of the show. Kinda felt inspired, this is long

Y/N knew she was screwed the moment she saw him. The brown eyes, disheveled hair, handsome smile and smartass attitude, not to mention this british accent that could make her swoon. Yes, Kol Mikaleson really was her weakness.  She suspected he knew it and played with it anytime he could. She hadn’t known the Mikaelsons for long but had helped them countless times.

Several years ago, before the family came back to New Orleans, she had come to seek shelter. Her path had crossed Marcel’s. He had come to her rescue before some vampire could kill her one night and she confided a whole part of her story she wished she could forget to him. She had expected him to ask her to leave and never come back to his city, but instead, he had agreed to help and hide her.

Ever since, she had kept that secret and had sworn no one would ever find out. Before New Orleans, she had another life, another name. A one she despised more than anything with a man she no longer considered family. She’d learn of his implication with Klaus himself later on when the man she had succeeded to avoid for years came back, hellbent on revenge against the Mikaelsons.

« How exactly do you think this is gonna go when they’ll find out ? » Marcel asked her, handing her a bottle of beer.

She sighed. Sitting on the couch in his living room, her feet crossed on the table, she took the beverage and leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

« I think Kol is gonna kill me » She answered.

« Kol isn’t the brother you should be worried about »

She gave him a side look and pursed her lips before taking a sip from her bottle.

« Family’s a real bitch sometimes, huh ? » She half heartedly joked.

« He’s not your family, not anymore. Not since you came to New Orleans »

She smiled at her friend.

« But your father has become powerful enough to kill an original over the past couple of weeks and you know he’s gonna try to destroy them »

Again, she sighed.

« What am I suppose to do ? »

« I know you don’t want to see him, but you might just be the only one who can stop him »

« Do you really think he’ll listen to me ? After all I’ve told you ? »

« Lucien is … well … complicated, but not beyond reason »

She chuckled.

« Complicated ? Is that your definition of psychotic maniac killer ? »

Marcel stood up then turned to the girl, offering her his hand.

« You owe it to yourself to at least try »

She rolled her eyes.

« Damn you and your moral Marcel » She muttered, taking his hand and getting up.

With a heavy heart, she let him take her to the compound. So far as she could remember, she always had felt scared of her father. When she was a child, often she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her heart would race at the simplest sound of his feet approaching. Countless times she cried herself to sleep, hoping he wouldn’t hear, otherwise he’d come to show her what it was to be strong and not weak, as he would put it.

Marcel took her to the French Quarter, knowing whatever Klaus was planning, it was certainly to lure Lucien into the compound. He wasn’t wrong. The moment they step foot inside the Mikaelson’s mansion, one of them was already flying across the room, landing with a loud noise on the staircase. The vampire she had once known as her father was standing in front of Niklaus as his brother got back on his feet.

« You should’ve ran while you still could » Klaus threatened him.

« And miss an opportunity to kill you ? » Lucien laughed.

Klaus grinned, taking a step back. He silently nodded at his sister Freya. She instantly started chanting ancient words, a grimoire in one hand, the other raised in defense against him. In a matter of seconds, Lucien was on the ground, screaming in pain.

All this time, Y/N stayed behind Marcel. It was her way to shield herself from him. No one except Kol acknowledged their presence. Instinctively, after a quick look at her, he put himself in front of her. For a moment she thought it was to allow his brothers to attack, but when she felt his hand clasped around hers, she knew he was trying to protect her from the fight to come.

Suddenly, almost as quick as it started, her father stopped screaming and laughed. She’d recognize that evil, wicked sound anywhere.

« Did you really think this would work ? » Lucien proudly stated, standing up.

Freya took a step back, glancing at Klaus. Whatever spell they had planned, it wasn’t working on him. They all looked tense when he casually crossed the magic border around him with ease.

« Let’s get this show on the road, shall we? » He grinned.

The Mikaelsons spun in a defensive stance. Elijah launched himself first and made Lucien fall, but the vampire was quick to get back on his feet. Klaus used his speed to attack but the other creature anticipated his move and threw him against a wall. Angry, he got back up, breaking a chair and stabbed him with it. Lucien took the weapon out of his chest and Elijah used this distraction to get behind him and try to strike. It was no use. The other vampire turned before he could do anything and grabbed his arm, breaking it in the process. Seeing his brother struggling, Kol glanced behind him at Y/N before rushing to help him.

« Don’t move » He warned her.

He squeezed her hand one last time and ran to Lucien, punching him and making him lose his grip on his brother. Y/N watched in horror her worst nightmare happening. Soon, Marcel joined the fight and the violent dance started against the vampires. Her breath suddenly got caught in her lungs when she saw her father twist Kol’s arm, making his knees hit the floor. When Elijah and Klaus tried to get closer, he pulled harder on his shoulder. Kol winced in pain and his brothers stopped dead in their tracks.

When Y/N saw her father’s fangs retracting and the black veins running on his face, she swore her heart stopped beating. Right then, out of pure fear for the man she loved, she deciding she could no longer stay back.

« Enough! » She yelled.

His mouth wide opened, close to Kol’s arm, he looked up at her and smirked. For a moment it all sounded quiet. Everyone was completely still and no one moved over the silence of the room. The invisible tension was almost palpable as she took a tentative step toward him.

« Let him go » She told him, her voice quivering.

Still wearing that god awful smile, he looked back at her, pleased by her intervention.

« Stay back, Y/N » Kol warned her before, worried she would try to come closer.

She stopped in her track. As she looked around the room, she could see the questioning stares around her and she knew this moment would change everything, but she couldn’t let him hurt this family.

« Please … stop » She whispered, her eyes watery.

« Why would I ? » He darkly chuckled.

« Because I’m asking you »

Her lips quivered as she forced herself to take a breath.

« Y/N, step back. He is dangerous » Elijah advised her.

Lucien let out a sinister chuckle, raising an eyebrow.

« They don’t know, do they ? »

She pursed her lips, silently answering his question. Once again he loudly laughed, finding the situation amusing.

« Marvelous ! »

From the corner of her eyes, she could see Klaus started to put the puzzle into pieces. She was screwed and she knew it.

« I’ll come back if you let them go » She offered, ignoring Kol gaze on her.

He bitterly smirked.

« You chose your side when you fled my home, Y/N. And for that you will die too »

He tightened his hold on the vampire beneath him when he started to fight back at his words.

« And your pathetic lover with it » He spitted.

« You left me no other choices ! »

« You were supposed to rule by my side! » He screamed. « You were suppose to defeat the Mikaelsons with me ! »

« Those were your plans, not mine » She cried.

Again, she saw his fangs retracting and she felt the fear growing in the pit of her stomach.

« I’ll teach you what happens when you betray your own father, Y/N ! »

This was it. They finally knew. She saw each Mikaelsons widened their eyes in surprise. Marcel took a defensive step toward her when she noticed Klaus starting to shift, angry. What hurt her the most was the way Kol stared back at her. His jaw tightened, his fist clenched, he looked betrayed and it broke her heart. Before any of them could process the news or react, she watched her father plugged his fangs into the arm of the man she loved, making him scream in agony.

« No! » She shouted, running to them in a vain effort to save him.

Before she could even reach Kol, she felt her body being pushed and her back violently smacking a wall. The force of the impact made her close her eyes just for a second but when she opened them back, she noticed her father had fled. Ignoring the physical pain she felt, she tried to stand up.

« I’ll kill you! » She heard Klaus yelled at her.

He reached her at an impressive speed, clasping his hands around her neck. With all the power he could, he strangled her, and the girl was no match against Klaus Mikaelson. Marcel was quick to come to her rescue and threw the vampire attacking her across the room.

All Y/N could focus on was Kol cries. The man was on the ground, Freya and Elijah by his side, fighting an invisible force trying to kill him, fighting a fate brought by her father. He screamed in agony as his brother tried to hold him still while their witch sister had already started to gather ingredients for a spell.

« We don’t have long » She told them.

« Why are you protecting her ?! » Klaus shouted to Marcel. « That wicked woman lied to us! »

« She had no choice, Klaus! »

« So you knew ! You knew she was a spy send to destroy my family and you said nothing! »

« She’s not with him ! »

« Do I care about terminology ?! He is her father ! »

Elijah watched Y/N as she tightly shut her eyes at his brother’s words.

« Enough, Niklaus! » He shouted at his brother. « This is not the place, nor the time »

Kol was still restless on the ground, the spasms making it harder for Elijah to hold him still. His skin had started to become sickly pale. Y/N stared at him, a few feet away. Never had she felt so guilty and ashamed. She could see his misery and knew the mere sight of it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

« Freya, do something ! » Klaus urged her when his brother stared to violently shake.

« I’m trying ! » She responded.

She quickly gathered everything she needed around her, working as fast as she could.

« I’m gonna need Lucien’s blood » She informed them.

The brothers shared a look. They knew wherever the man was, they wouldn’t reach him in time.

«  Would … would mine work ? » Y/N softly suggested.

« Yes »

« You’re not coming anywhere near him! » The hybrid shouted back.

« Niklaus, let the woman help! » Elijah answered him.

He nodded at her and she almost ran to Freya, offering her arm to her. She winced when the witch cut her skin but her eyes never left Kol. Freya finished her spell and mixed all her ingredients, adding Y/N’s blood then handed a cup to Elijah. He brought it to his brother’s mouth, forcing him to drink. The girl waited by his side, anxious. She hadn’t noticed the tears on her face, nor her hands trembling. She let out a breath of relief when she saw the man stopped shivering.

« Leave, now » Klaus firmly ordered.

« Are you serious ? She just saved your brother! » Marcel warned him.

« It’s … it’s alright, I’ll go »

She stood up, shaking with emotions, ready to collapse in tears, and walked to the door. She took a look back, needing to make sure he was alive.

« He’s gonna be alright » Elijah reassured her.

She nodded, glad he at least wasn’t showing any sign of anger toward her then glanced one last time at Niklaus.

« You and I share one thing in commun, we didn’t choose to have a crappy father. I thought you of all people would’ve understood that »

He pursed his lips, holding himself back from answering.

« I’ll leave New Orleans tomorrow » She told them. « I’ll try to draw him out of the city »

« You don’t need to go » Marcel told her.

« Just … tell him I’m sorry, okay ? » She asked, looking one last time at Kol.

Marcel sadly nodded at the girl before she disappeared. For a while, she just wandered around the streets, enjoying the eery atmosphere of New Orleans one last time before going home and packing.

Leaning over the balcony of her home later that night, she stared at the life still roaring so late in the city. A man on the street was playing the sax while some people danced to it. She could hear the noise from Rousseau’s, the laugh, the music, the chatter. Bourbon street and its live music and vibrant people felt so alive and inviting, a chaotic contrast to what she was feeling. Time seemed to slow as she tried to photograph this memory, a keepsake to give her strength in the rough times she knew would come against her father. She felt a sudden gush of air behind her and shivered, knowing what it was before he even spoke.

« Were you really expecting me to let you go that easily, love ? »

She closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek. All the noises around her disappeared. All she could hear was the loud silence and his heavy presence. She tensed when she felt him take a step closer, scared he might say something that would definitely hurt her.

« Kol… » She whispered.

« Why ? » He simply asked.

She pursed her lips, trying to come up with an answer that would be enough to make him understand.

« I was scared »

« Of what ?! »

« My father has done terrible things »

He grabbed her wrist, making her sharply turned to face him.

« Y/N, have you seen my family ? » He argued. « Did you think I would judge you ? Do you think so low of me ? »

« Are you alright ? » She suddenly asked, not acknowledging any of his questions, her eyes scanning his body for any sign of injury.

« What ? »

He seemed lost for a moment.

« Your wound » She explained. « Has it healed ? »

« That’s beside the point, Y/N »

« You almost died because of me »

« Because of him » He corrected her.

In a second he was in front of her and entangled his hand in her hair, his thumb softly stroking her cheek.

« Why, Y/N ? » He asked in a whisper, his eyes pouring into hers.

She felt small under his gaze, unarmed and vulnerable.

« I didn’t want to remember » She admitted. « I just wanted to forget him, forget he existed, forget the years of … »

She stopped herself and he knew why. He didn’t need her to say it to know Lucien had hurt her, badly.

« I didn’t think I’d see him again » She kept going, a lump forming in her throat. « I thought I was free, Kol »

She starred right back at him, a sob escaping her throat.

« I thought I was finally free » She told him, her shoulders shaking with every word.

He dragged her to him, squeezing her as she melt down in his arms. It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. He felt her sank to her knees before she could touch the ground and tightened his hold of her. He waited patiently until she was calm enough to take a step back.

« There’s no way I’m letting you leave the city, Y/N »

« I have to make him go. Besides, your brother will have be beheaded if I don’t disappear »

« The hell with Niklaus, he can go fuck himself for all I care »

She rolled her eyes at him.

« I’m not letting you go » He vehemently stated, cupping her cheeks.

« He’ll come back for you. All of you » She muttered.

« Well good. We’ll be waiting for him »

« Kol … »

« Mark my words, Y/N ; I am NOT letting you go » He repeated.

He leaned into her and kissed her forehead, then her nose, then softly, her lips.

« I can’t let him get to you » She confessed.

« And I can’t let you go near him. This is a dead end, love, and you’re not winning this argument »

She chuckled.

« I really thought I’d lost you for a moment »

He smirked.

« Never. You’re stuck with me for an eternity »

[ahundredtimesover]

Friday Nights and Take-Out Drabble (3)

It’s not how I wanted to tell you but doesn’t mean I don’t mean it any less. 

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: strangers to friends to lovers, popstar/idol!jk, fluff, angst, future smut; this is a dialogue-heavy series so read if you’re into that!

Warnings: foul language 

Word count: 1,500 sorry

Series summary: You meet pop star/idol Jeon Jungkook at the cafe, you get close, and as Hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. But you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

series masterlist

A/N: Fast forward to several months later with these two idiots-turned-lovebirds!

#

“Rock-paper-scissors! Winner decides if they want to choose the movie or the dinner tonight,” Jungkook says, right hand ready, bunny smile flashing through your phone screen.

You roll your eyes as you sit up from your upside-down position on the couch. “What are you, a child? Your game doesn’t even make sense.”

“Yes, your man-child boyfriend. And yes, it does. Now come on!” He urges you.

“Fine, only because you recognize yourself as such.” 

He rolls his eyes this time. 

He was late on the first try, making it not count. You usually go scissors after rock, which Jungkook knows - hence, why you often lose - but he didn’t this time. 

“I win!” You say, surprised. “A bit rusty now, are we?” A smug look on your face. “We’re going with Winter Soldier tonight, babe,” you continue, his hopeful face turning into a disappointed one. 

“But we watched Iron Man 2 the last time, shouldn’t we watch Iron Man 3 tonight?” He tries, towel wiping his sweaty face, their Friday night rehearsal having just ended. Months after the end of the tour, they’re still plenty busy and the month of February isn’t any different than the others. 

Still, you’re happy with your arrangement. Regardless of how late they end on a Friday, Jungkook makes sure to come see you, with take-outs now a staple in your relationship. Until you both think you’re ready to go public, your little home is your little world for now.

“We’re not following any order, Kook. I win so I get to decide the movie. At least you get to choose dinner! I’m not particularly picky today. I just want me some Bucky,” you tease. He gives you a displeased look. 

Something you’ve come to learn is that your jealous and competitive boyfriend will always try to one-up any person who gets your attention, regardless if they’re a fictional character or a real-life individual, regardless of gender too. He thinks he’s being subtle about it, which is the funny part, but Jungkook is anything but subtle. You’d mentioned one time how you liked Evan Rachel Wood’s undercut and he showed up 2 days later with his own undercut, in a bun. Do you like it? He’d asked later that night, lips all pouty. Safe to say it took all of you not to pounce on him the moment you saw him enter the bar. 

“I just don’t like him because he did my man dirty,” he reasons. You respond with a laugh, “yeah, I hear you babe. It totally has nothing to do with me having a crush on him ”

“Baby, don’t tease me tonight, please. I’m tired and I miss you and I want to cuddle you in peace while we watch the definitely-not-best Marvel movie,” he pouts.

“Okay fine, we shall cuddle in peace, then if that’s what you want to do,” you give in, hearing the tiredness in his voice, and then bidding him goodbye. 

If you didn’t miss him, you probably would’ve continued teasing him, but you do and you want nothing more than to have him next to you. It’s been two weeks since you’ve spent time together, after all. 

Four months since you both got your head out of your asses and finally admitted your feelings to each other - and three since you told his agency, which was fortunately supportive - you and Jungkook have found your rhythm. 

He’s still as busy, but nothing that video calls can’t solve, and still falls asleep on you over the phone after a long day at work, but you both always make time. He insists on spoiling you, despite knowing that a Chanel bracelet has got nothing on a whole strawberry shortcake, especially after a long day at work. You spoil him too in your own ways - buying him novelty items that remind you of him, stocking your pantry with his favorites, and of course, through kisses.

You didn’t think you could be this affectionate but you’ve long surprised yourself when it came to Jungkook. It seems as if every time you see him, you just want to shower his pretty little face with all the kisses you can possibly give. He enjoys this, partly for the fact that he likes seeing you be the needy one for a change and partly because, well it’s you and anything you give is more than enough for him. Except for an ‘I love you,’ though; somehow that isn’t part of the rhythm yet.

A little over an hour later, you hear the incessant knocking on your door and you jump from the couch. You open the door and take in how your boyfriend looks enveloped in his oversized black hoodie - hair damp, tired smile, but eyes still sparkling like the night sky. A shower of kisses later, you find yourselves on the floor, take-out food all but unwrapped. 

He surprises you with your own favorites - ribeye steak and truffle pasta cooked by one of their chef friends who runs a restaurant that you definitely can’t afford, which also doesn’t do take-outs, to preserve food quality or something. But Jungkook, you’ve also learned, lives off of making you happy, and this is one of the ways that he, as he says, puts his stardom to “good use.”

You stare at him, eyes wide. “Babe, they gave us plates,” you say, confused and amused at the same time. “Food presentation or something, Chef Choi said,” he shrugs, but unable to help the smile on his face as your eyes scour the presentation on the table.

“We’ve been wanting to eat at his restaurant,” is all you say, still unable to process what he had done, not missing the extras included - cheese and artichoke dip and tomato soup. “These seem basic, are they even on the menu?” 

He laughs. “Too basic to be on their menu, definitely, which is why he was able to whip them up,” he says proudly. “I just wanted to surprise you with something special.”

The twinkle in your eyes and the smile reaching them let him know he succeeded. 

One bite into the steak and you feel like heaven. It has marbled well and tastes so scrumptious and tender, as if you’re having an orgasm in your mouth. It tastes expensive, too. You close your eyes and savor the flavor, juices spilling out with every movement of your mouth against the meat. You’ve never had steak this good, it actually makes you feel emotional.

“Fuck babe, this is so good I love you so much.”

Silence.

You open your eyes to see your boyfriend, mouth half parted, orbs even darker and rounder than you remember.

“Did you just tell me you love me… while eating steak?”

You cower on your side of the table, nervous at how he will take it. The words just slipped out of your mouth before you got to the next bite. It’s not that you don’t mean it; it’s because you do and want to at least tell him in a more romantic way than this. He’d survived practice until 10PM, made arrangements to get you a delectable dinner, and you tell him you love him like this - unfocused and unaware, prompted by food, of all things.

“Is that how much you love steak or how much you love me?” he asks, a smile slowly creeping up his face. “I was thinking maybe you’d say it while cuddling in bed or watching Crazy, Stupid, Love or even like, in the middle of sex or something but this… this is so unmistakbly you that I don’t think I can be more in love with you than I am this moment.” Now it’s his turn to look nervous.

You mirror his expression from earlier, senses suddenly heightened at what he’d just said.

“I…” he starts, unsure what to say next.

“I love you,” you repeat, unable to help the smile gracing your face. “It’s not how I wanted to tell you but doesn’t mean I mean it any less. But I do, for a while now,” you continue, hands playing with each other, teeth biting your lower lip. 

“I love you,” he responds, suddenly calming your nerves. “I feel like I say it in my head too much that I’m scared you might just hear it,” he chuckles, eyes finding yours.

“Well, I’d like to hear it, everyday if possible,” you shyly smile. You becoming such a sap like this is a side-effect of dating Jungkook that you definitely don’t mind.

He easily pulls you by your waist and sandwiches you in between his legs, wrapping them around you and peppering your cheeks with kisses. He hugs you tightly and lays his chin on your shoulder. Nothing is better than this. He’s starting to think this is what he wants to come home to everyday. He lets the thought sink in; that’s a talk for another time.

“Anything for you, Y/N.”    

##

part 4 || completed

series masterlist

[the-golden-ghost]

Jigen for send me a character!

I was going to answer this earlier but then I forgot to check my inbox! Alas

First impression: Something to the effect of "this guy looks like he'll be a fun time" before I watched anything. I was seeing stuff on my dash due to @dying-suffering-french-stalkers. My thoughts on him after I watched Cagliostro were kinda wrong cause I thought he was a lot colder and more callous than he ended up actually being, but he's not in Cagliostro a whole lot anyway. Basically I fell for his "tough stoic gunslinger guy" persona lol

Impression now: DAMN this guy slaps. Iconic character A+. I actually think that if it hadn't been for him and Goemon I probably would not have stuck around and watched the show? Like I might have still watched it but I would have likely gotten through only a few episodes. I've already listed the reasons why I like him in a separate ask but yeah he's delightful and I hope that never changes

Favorite moment: Okay so the first moment where I went from "I'm reserving judgement" to "this guy has rights" was in one of the early Part 2 episodes (like 8!?) where he was charged with caring for a dying old man and he inadvertently gave the guy a full bottle of scotch and then killed him. I know this sounds bad (and it was even though the old guy in question was faking his death) but just the whole dynamic of the scene made me cackle

My other favorite moment was probably in That One Episode where he's traveling with a Russian dancer, right at the very end she's like "sike lol" and pulls a gun on him cause it turns out she was using him to smuggle a jewel across the border. Why she couldn't just smuggle jewels on her OWN person remains to be seen but this isn't a show known for its plot anyway he gets the jewel back because it turns out he double-double crossed her and had Lupin & Squad waiting in case of this. And I was like okay cool so it's just gonna end like that. And then he gave her the jewel anyway.

I think it's the only time to date that I've been surprised by something regarding Jigen? He's usually very predictable (in a good way) but there's not much to him really, he's just like *shoots stuff* *complains* *goofs around with Lupin* *sleeps* *complains some more* *whines about Fujiko* *looks cool in a battle* and then this happens, and I'm like... hell, the man's got depths!?

Idea for a story: He and Goemon should be allowed to do a counterheist against Lupin (and Fujiko?) like. "Hey we could TOTALLY pull off our own heist if we wanted to we just don't want to" and then Lupin calls them on their BS and they have to actually do one. Probably they will fail miserably but it'll be funny

Unpopular opinion: His relationship with Fujiko is actually entertaining and I wish it would get explored because it's fun. I mean it's a trainwreck but they're Friends and I'll die on this hill. Jigen will gripe and grouch and say to the ends of the earth that he's not her friend but he is

Favorite relationship: I know I'm Basic and Predictable but I still love his relationship with Lupin. I love the thought of a master thief finding this extremely dangerous and violent hired gunman and being like "I can fix him :) " and then actually succeeding.

I do kinda love the concept of Lupin slowly going from "I need NO ONE I work ALONE I'm LUPIN III I am MAGICAL and INVINCIBLE" but also realizing that he's lonely as all fuck but that when you're an international criminal jumping from country to country you can't really settle down and start a family and also that your choices of people are going to be limited. And maybe the two people in your life are your girlfriend who is wonderful and amazing and perfect in every way but who betrays you on the regular, and the man trying to hunt you down and arrest you. And maybe you want someone more stable than that. Maybe you want someone to come home to at the end of the day. Maybe you start shopping the criminal underground looking for a person who's insane enough to join you and skilled enough to keep up with you and who has enough of a heart left in them that you're not likely to end up sharing a home with a monster.

Anyway that was more about Lupin than Jigen and this was supposed to be short. Jigen. I like the concept of a guy who's just going through the motions of life cause it's not like he kills for the thrill but he kills cause he can and cause he can't do anything else. It's just what it is. And then he runs into a guy who wants him to be a protector rather than a killer. And then he falls so deep into that role that he never gets out of it, and in the process he heals and starts to live again.

Favorite headcanon: I'll be honest I still think the "Jigen reflexively shoots his gun at the TV while playing video games" headcanon is hilarious