#we are nurturing not shaming
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if you call himmel pathetic i'm throwing hands at you. himmel showed the purest form of love for frieren and you guys think that's pathetic? what's pathetic is not respect other people's feelings or boundaries and acting like people owe you anything just because you like them. himmel was happy to have a friendship with frieren within her own conditions just because he genuinely enjoyed her as part of his life. he was happy to wait for her for his entire life is he had to but he also never stopped living for himself. that's fucking beautiful. loving someone so much you are able to let them go, not wanting to change who they are or impose anything on them? unconditionally, nonetheless? that's the point of life.
#either platonically or romantically having people genuinely appreciate you and having genuine connections with people is what makes life#worth living#frieren is a beautiful show about loss grief and how people change you just by being present in your life how they add to your life how#your true friends inspire you and how we keep each other's memories alive how love is timeless despite the finality of our human condition#and you tell me himmel is pathetic?#what a joke#i'm biting himmel haters like an enraged chihuahua#infection you with the power of love so you understand that loving makes the world more beautiful#besides frieren not understanding her own feelings at the time she always cared for himmel and the others as well#she just took more time to learn how to reciprocate and demonstrate the importance they had for her#because she isn't humans which is normal#a big part of life for everyone is having regrets and wishing it wasn't too late#frieren explores that perfectly#the friendships in that story are so pure and well nurtured#it's a shame internet culture rotted your brains so much that you think there's something inherently wrong with having unrequited feelings#and being okay with it#it's a shame you reduce such a genuinely good character who proved his will was above anything mystical to a 'simp'#anyways. himmel stays winning.#he put a ring on it too like imagine thinking he's losing when frieren is having dead wife flashbacks of him the entire show
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it makes me so sad every time someone says they have a difficult time making friends because as someone who did not have a single friend until my senior year of high school i know the feeling painfully well
#we learn social dynamics as children in grade school but as i didn't have a single friend i didn't realize what it meant#to be able to nurture relationships and the time and effort that goes into it#it also did not help that i moved to asia for my middle school years and came back to white suburbia in hs#not to get too vulnerable here on a monday night but my mother at her most hurtful#always said i had a problem being vulnerable with others in a way that made them not want to be around me#and i do think she's right....i'm still learning what it means to be vulnerable with others#anyway this is my way of saying i'd be friends with you. and i know the feeling super well.#please don't be discouraged if you don't make friends your freshman year of college the majority of friends i've made#have been in the past year#there is no shame at all you just have to be patient which sucks ik but there is someone out there i promise promise promise#mt
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Elsa Gidlow, Ask No Man Pardon: The Philosophical Significance of Being Lesbian
#The reference to male sea horses at the end ('nor is it suggested that the male sea horse is a shame to his sex for nurturing the young of#his kind within a pouch in his abdomen'!!!)#And the bit about how lesbianism is inherently a challenge to binary conceptions of men and women because of how adherence to specific#regimented forms of heterosexuality *is* the gender norm into which we are compelled!!#-- e.g. for many lesbians I know their nonbinary-ness is tied to the fact that they are lesbians!!#This passage just makes me very joyful in how it articulates my experience of lesbianism and communicates this immense love#-- worship even -- for how natural it is to be LGBTQ+ (and how gay and trans people are linked in our struggle for liberation)
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★⋆ Lilith in the signs⋆ ★
Lilith (black moon Lilith) is representative of Lilith, Adam's first wife in mythology. She refused to submit to Adam and therefore was cast away from heaven. She represents our shadow self what we repress and hide but is our ultimate power. Lilith in Aries - Fiercely independent, strong-willed, and refuses to be controlled -Rejects authority and thrives on personal freedom -They be insecure about their sense of self and may go to extremes to prove their identity Lilith in Taurus - Deeply sensual, drawn to physical pleasure and indulgence. -Struggles with attachment to material possessions or stability. -May resist societal expectations around beauty and self-worth. - May overindulge in luxuries and become lazy. Lilith in Gemini -A master of words, seduction through intellect, and questioning societal norms. - Can feel silenced or struggle with duality in self-expression. - Might reject conventional education or traditional ways of thinking. - This could also indicate troubles with siblings. Lilith in Cancer -Deep emotional intensity, challenging traditional family roles. - Struggles with feeling nurtured or safe, often rejecting dependence on others. -May have a complicated relationship with motherhood, family, or home life.
Lilith in Leo -A rebellious performer, naturally magnetic but refuses to conform. -Struggles with ego, validation, or the need to be recognized. -Can reject traditional ideas of success and embrace their own unique path. - Might have felt looked over and ignored, desired notoriety. Lilith in Virgo -Rejects societal pressures for perfection and order. -Can struggle with anxiety, self-criticism, or rigid expectations. -May embrace alternative healing, sexuality, or spirituality to break free from control. - Shame in cleanliness, might feel 'dirty'. Lilith in Libra - Challenges traditional relationship norms, refuses to be “owned” by a partner. -Can struggle with balancing independence and intimacy. -May use charm and beauty as a tool for rebellion. - Tendency to have forbidden thoughts and is more likely to engage in taboo relationships. Lilith in Scorpio -Embodies deep sexual power, mystery, and transformation. -Unafraid of taboo topics, death, and rebirth. -Can struggle with power struggles, obsession, or manipulation. - Deep sense of loss of power, these people crave to control and dominate. Lilith in Sagittarius -Fiercely free-spirited, rejects societal restrictions on beliefs and travel. -Struggles with commitment and being tied down. -Can be drawn to forbidden knowledge, philosophy, and spiritual rebellion. - Might feel misunderstood by family, might not resonate with religion. Lilith in Capricorn - Defies authority, corporate structures, and traditional success models. -May struggle with control issues or rejecting responsibility. -Can be a powerhouse when embracing their own rules for success. -Might have been put down for their ambition, they have the power to rise to the top and become the best Lilith in Aquarius -A true revolutionary, challenges norms and embraces eccentricity. -Struggles with feeling like an outsider or rejecting belonging. -Can be a genius when breaking boundaries in technology, art, or activism. Lilith in Pisces - Rejects religious or spiritual dogma, drawn to mystical or altered states. -Struggles with escapism, addiction, or losing themselves in dreams. -Can harness immense creative and intuitive power when grounded.
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Thank you for taking one for the team! Since you are taking requests can you do a Se-mi x reader where reader is a part of Gi-hun's group and tries to get her to join the team?
A/N: ( ̄^ ̄ )ゞ Ofc ofc, more Se-Mi for the soul! I noticed you all really like her haha
Please, Come With Me—Player Se-Mi x GN! Player Reader
Se-Mi was an interesting girl.
You had seen her occasionally, but never really paid much attention to her. Sure, she was certainly attractive—you would be lying if you said that her short hair and many piercings hadn’t left you flustered the first time you laid eyes on her—but the girl quickly flew from your mind when you realized your life was at stake.
You couldn’t afford to die now, not when you had a loved one waiting for you on the other side.
But, during the Six-Legged Race, something happened that shifted your perception on Se-Mi.
As you stood there with Gi-Hun, waiting for the final people in your group to get into their respective teams, you noticed three men approaching Se-Mi.
The purple haired guy—who made it clear that his name was Thanos—smirked, looking up and down at Se-Mi before asking her to join his team. Nam-su or Nam-gyu—you couldn’t remember which—tried to get him to stop, but Thanos merely brushed him aside.
Of course, the way the men acted hadn’t thrown the thought of Se-Mi back into your orbit—it was what happened next.
Se-Mi seemed reluctant, tilting her head to the side as the beginnings of a grin formed on her lips. She didn’t seem at all impressed or intimidated by the fact that Thanos was a famous rapper. Rather, she looked amused.
“Ah, Thanos,” She started, her face growing wry, “Do you have all of the infinity stones?”
When you heard that, you couldn’t stop the giggle that burst from your lips.
Okay, Se-Mi has humor. You liked that.
After that exchange, you were more observant to the woman. You noticed how she had a type of fire inside her, one that couldn’t be put out easily by men like Nam-Gyu (or Nam-Su). And, you saw how used that very same fire to nurture the more vulnerable, like the boy who had refused to leave her side during the entire match.
She’s a good person. And she’s so pretty too.
Something peculiar bloomed inside you. It began from your chest, then spread to your collarbone, your neck, and then finally, your face.
You crossed your arms together, cheeks growing hot.
It would certainly be a shame of Se-Mi died. You wouldn’t mind helping her out a little if she needed it. In fact—
“Hey, are you listening to me?”
Gi-Hun’s gruff voice startled you from your thoughts, and you all but jumped back.
“W…what?”
He sighed and shook his head. You looked down, feeling like a kid about to hand their father their less than savory test score.
“I said, it is important that we closely observe the games so that we can note any strategies the other players use. It will be good for us.”
He turned his gaze to your direction, scooting his body closer to you.
“You shouldn’t be distracted by other things, not when you could die if you don’t do your part on time,” Gi-Hun said, before squinting his eyes. “What were you even looking at, anyways?”
You looked into your lap, feeling embarrassed.
“It was nothing!” You squeak, though it doesn’t sound convincing even to your ears.
Gi-Hun ignored you, craning his neck so that he could get a better view.
Your stomach sank as he started to grin.
“Ah, kid, were you staring at that cute girl with the piercings?”
The tips of your ears grew hot.
You debated on denying it, but knew that it would be of no use. You weren’t an idiot, you knew your body language gave it away eons ago.
Instead, you simply cleared your throat, turning your eyes back to the current race.
“Hey, what was that about observing the contestants of the race?”
Gi-Hun simply laughed, slapping your back hard enough to make your eyes water.
“Oh, don’t be shy, kid. Why, I remember how I felt the first time I met my ex-wife! I don’t know how I thought wooing her with a monkey would work…”
Letting out a groan, you covered your face with your hands.
Not this story again!
—
You decided you absolutely didn’t like Nam-Gyu.
He seemed to have it out for Se-Mi, choosing to constantly make snide comments about her to her face. Now, it wasn’t as if Se-Mi was utterly defenseless, as she would always stand her ground whenever she or Min-Su was insulted, but you still didn’t like seeing her have to be on edge so often.
You looked back to your crew, watching as Dae-ho told a joke you couldn’t quite hear. Jun-hee had doubled over laughing, spilling a bit of her milk onto the floor.
Se-Mi should be able to joke around and not have to constantly defend herself.
The boy she was protecting isn’t even trying to help her back.
You scowled, opening your milk carton with more force than necessary.
“Hey, you okay, kid?”
You didn’t even have to look back to know who it was. Instead, you frown, taking a swig at your milk carton before you said, “Hey, how would you feel if we had another member in this team?”
Gi-Hun blinked.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”
He turned back to the others.
“Hey, would you guys be okay if someone else joined us?”
“Heck yeah!” Dae-Ho screamed. “The more the merrier.”
As soon as those words left his lips, the another people whooped and cheered.
Gi-Hun nudged your shoulder, a smile on his face.
“I don’t think the others would mind, either. Think you can convince that girl with piercings to join us, though?”
Fuck.
At your startled expression, he let out a full belly laugh.
“Ah, I pieced a few things together. You don’t exactly have a great poker face, kid.”
You let out a small grumble, but felt relieved all the same.
At least you didn’t have two people to convince. Something told you that Se-Mi wasn’t going to be easily swayed.
Suddenly, a piece of bread was shoved in front of your face.
“Eat up, kid. I believe in you.”
—
You had to convince her. Now.
Your mouth fell open when you saw Se-Mi choose X. Now that she did that, it was more than likely that Thanos and his lackeys would be after her.
The only ally she had left was a boy who wouldn’t stand up for himself.
You tightened your fists. It would be dangerous for her to be alone tonight.
—
As the countdown for bedtime commenced, you quickly walked over to her, pretending to ignore the little thumbs-up Gi-Hun sent your way.
You couldn’t be distracted.
Se-Mi stood in the far right corner, the only indicator that it even was her being her lip piercing as it glimmered under the artificial light.
When you got closer, you put a hand in the air.
“Hey!”
She looked up from her conversation with Min-Su, startled. Her eyes seemed to narrow as you walked closer.
When the boy noticed you, he froze and quietly slunk behind her.
“Hey?”
Your heart thundered in your chest, and already you could feel doubt festering in your gut.
You pushed it to aside.
Clearing your throat, you put on your best smile and waved at her.
“Uhm, I was wondering if you would like to join my group. We’re—“
“Yeah, I know what time you’re in,” Se-Mi interrupted, eyed gliding to Gi-Hun. “I’m not interested. Min-Su and I are fine on our own.”
As she began to walk away, you could feel your chance to convince her dwindling. Hastily, you followed after.
“Wait, please!” You yell a little too loud, causing some of the players around you to give confused looks.
Se-Mi walked faster.
Cursing, you picked up your pace and tried to grab her arm.
She pushed you away.
“Is this why you were staring at me so often?” Se-Mi demanded, roughly pulling her arm away from you. She straightened up, crossing her arms together as she took a step towards you. “I don’t need your pity. I know what I signed up for when I voted X, and I’m wholly prepared to deal with the consequences.”
Despite the circumstances, you blushed.
“You noticed?”
She smiled, though it was more out of malice than humor.
“It was a bit hard not to when your eyes were glued to me, sweetheart.”
You knew the pet name was soaked in derision, but that didn’t stop your damned stomach from doing summersaults.
Determinedly, you ignored her words.
“I just want to help you, Se-Mi. You know how those guys treated you.”
She scowled.
“As I said before, I don’t need your charity. I am doing just fine with—“
“Please!”
The word burst out of your lips before you could stop it.
Se-Mi looked taken back. Behind her, you heard a soft gasp.
Fighting through your embarrassment, you continue onward.
“I stared at you for so long because I felt that you’re really pretty and I sorta-liked-how-you-stood-up-for-yourself.” The last half of the sentence was spoken in a rush.
“But when I offered you help, it’s not because I pity you, Se-Mi, it’s because I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Se-Mi raised an eyebrow. Her stance was more relaxed now, though her eyebrows were still furrowed.
“Why? We’re practically strangers.”
“Well…” You bit your lip. “I know that you probably have people who care for you outside the games, Se-Mi.”
You pointed a finger at yourself. “Hell, I do too. I’m only in this damned hellhole because I need to pay for my relative’s medical bills. They’re going to die if they don’t get it.”
You felt your eyes water.
“They’re…all I have left on this damned rock.”
Se-Mi exhaled softly. Her eyes were gentler now, and her lips pressed into a thin line. Hesitantly, she reached out to hold your hand.
You allowed it, curling your fingers around her hand.
“Se-Mi, there is no doubt that you are very strong. But, despite that, I don’t think you should get needlessly injured if you have a way out.”
You placed your other hand on the back of your neck.
“It’s not pity. Think of it more as…an alliance.”
As Se-Mi chewed her lip, your eyes traveled down to your joined hands. You focused on the warmth that radiated from her, and pressed against the callouses on her knuckles.
You knew she had been through a lot, even before she had stepped foot into death game.
Finally, she blew out a breath.
“Oh all right, I’ll join your little team,” She said at last, pulling her hand back so she could nudge you with her elbow. “I know you won’t stop badgering me about it if I refuse.”
She glanced at the boy behind her. “Min-Su, what do you think?”
He only gave a shy nod as his response.
You grinned.
You did it!
Before you could drop yourself, you practically tackled her, enveloping the woman into your embrace.
She froze for a moment, then returned your hug, chuckling.
“Thank you!”
Amusedly, Se-Mi shook her head. “Whose life are we saving again?”
Too elated to be embarrassed by her comment, you simply let go and reached out your hand.
“Come on!” You chirped.
Se-Mi took your hand.
“Lead the way, sweetheart. Oh, and by the way,” She said, drawing out the last syllable in a way that only foretold mischief.
You motioned for her to continue, trying to steel yourself.
Endearingly, Se-Mi pinched your cheek.
“What was that earlier about you finding me pretty?”
#squid game fanfic#squid game#se mi x reader#squid game x reader#squid game x you#se-mi x reader#player 380 x reader#Ask answered#My fics
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Why Cody Burns succeeded where Rafael Esquivel failed
Honestly, Raf is one of those characters I never thought much of, in part because he was so forgettable. More often than not in Prime, Raf was just the sweet baby who everybody thought the world of and wanted to keep out of harm's way, even though the most he ever did in the show was provide technical help with Earth machinery or play the part of innocent child. This was not helped by the fact that he was buddy-ed up with the mute Bumblebee, who's sole contributions up until his two part arc and the series finale was additional man power and adorable mimic. While this was good for background humor, it ultimately did nothing to the overall storyline in the series, both for Raf and for Bee, and for the series itself.
By contrast, Cody Burns - the resident team baby, beloved by all and unwaveringly helpful in rescue missions - stood out far more than Raf. And what's more, is that he never had "his own" Autobot/Cybertronian partner, when literally his whole family had one of their own.
Allow me to delve into this, hopefully, final observatory post regarding the TFP kids.
Of all the humans, we quite frankly get the least out of Raf. We know he's a prodigy, given that he's twelve (and a quarter) and jumped straight into the same classes as Miko and Jack, the former of whom is no slouch as I've already covered. We're shown that his family allows him free reign of Jasper, as he's playing by himself near the road, although he's alone. That tells us that his family is either extremely lax in their attention for their youngest child, or that Jasper is an actually safe location for a kid who's barely filling out his shoes to be on his own. Whether or not either option is true, that's dangerous and shows that Raf goes unnoticed by his family. I'm not saying they're abusive or willfully neglectful of him, but this points us to the conclusion that Raf has a very lonely home life, and we already know that he's got zero friends until he meets the Autobots.
This could have been a great plot-point for the series: by giving Team Prime a small child with no one for company, the writers could have more clearly given the Autobots hope for the future of the War/after the War, while Raf could have gained confidence and security from having people who actually cared and listened to him. It could have been fun, having him be the human cycling through the Autobots for various needs. Imagine Raf going to Optimus for comfort after another day of feeling ignored, talking to Arcee for ideas on how to stand up to Vince (being the sole child in class makes you a target, after all), or coming to Bulkhead for how to struggle through the physical aspects of his school regimen (i.e. the time he brought up the rope climbing to Ratchet.) The possibilities were endless.
But instead, he's specifically handed over to Bee. Bee, who is the disabled child that is also largely forgotten, and who, while he does bond with Raf and provide him with much needed company, offers nothing else in the way of development or storylines. We got something marginally better when Raf started spending time with the grumpy grandpa that is Ratchet, which was great to highlight Ratchet's soft side that nurtures his own character progression, but it's not enough for Raf's development. I greatly prefer the company of the Autobots to the human characters in virtually every series, but there needs to be a noticable human presence to ground the Autobots' protective instincts toward Earth and to push along the story. Raf ended up being a token character not even halfway through the first season, which is a shame given his potential, especially since he and Bee ended up being background décor.
Now, as a counterpoint, we come to Cody Burns.
Like Raf, Cody is the youngest child of the Burns clan - and I say clan because his family has been the one providing Griffin Rock's safety and protection for about...roughly three hundred years? (Correct me if I'm wrong, but his family were the ones in-universe to discover the island. Thus, there's a large claim and respect to his family's name.) His father Charlie is the chief of police; his oldest brother Kade is the chief firefighter; his older sister Dani is the helicopter pilot and primary search and rescue operator; and his brother Graham, who's about eight years older than ten year old Cody, is already a chief engineer and inventor himself. Clearly, Cody has an impressive family. Clearly, they're the best of the best, and he couldn't be prouder of them.
And clearly, Cody feels the need to earn his stripes given their talents and the family's reputation.
A recurring subplot in Rescue Bots is how Cody is insecure about his role on the team, and that often leads him to attempt to provide help and find his place in life in the family. Sometimes, this works; although he's often left monitoring the situations across the island at home through the cameras, Cody finds ways of giving advice or pointing out a hazard that the others are oblivious to that would have likely killed them. And this is a noble occupation his fills, with his aid saving many lives and much trouble.
However, sitting around and merely being an observer wears on him. It makes him restless, and he often seeks aid from the 'Bots to figure out his problems before typical shenanigans ensue that rectify the current episode's dilemma.
This is an important part of Cody's characterization because while he does occasionally feel left out/ignored by his family, he understands it is because of their duties. Charlie has to daily wrangle different criminals and legal offenses while Graham is eagerly going to town on his latest project. Kade and Dani each have their own lives that are beginning and that they're pursuing, but additionally maintain an intense sibling rivalry due to them being not even three years apart. Thus, while they're seeing they're respective girlfriend and boyfriend, they're also competing in various childish ways that, sometimes, result in massive fights. It's no small wonder Cody rarely goes to them for advice.
For this, he's left with the 'Bots, and because they view him as their darling little brother who inspires them every day to give the humans of Griffin Rock and Earth a chance, they listen and advise him. Heatwave is the oldest of the 'Bots, and thus more experienced; additionally, Heatwave more than once nearly threw in the towel in the early days, but only relented due to Cody's convictions and virtues. Therefore, while they have a special bond without it being the sole focus, Cody tends to run to Heatwave the most when emotionally unwell and Charlie is unavailable. Heatwave in turn gives him comfort and advice, and backs him up in most situations. Chase is one he less often seeks help from, mostly due to Chase's nature of being a rigid rulebook. Most times Cody helps Chase understand human expressions and terms when Charlie is busy or otherwise engaged, with both their efforts helping the police 'Bot to loosen up. There are times when he needs Chase's input, as strange as that aid might be, and Cody doesn't hesitate to seek it.
Boulder he goes to almost as regularly as Heatwave, and the two get along fantastically. Boulder provides him with loving company he's hungry for, and sound advice without being overbearing. Blades sometimes needs more encouragement than anything, and thus Cody plays the rare part of helping guide someone through their numerous fears. Because of that, the 'copter 'Bot is extremely loyal and protective of Cody, and when Cody does ask for his help or companionship, Blades readily gives it. Sometimes, Blades will even go above and beyond what is asked, and never asks for anything in return.
These are healthy, constantly growing relationships that Cody develops with the 'Bots, as well as magnificent characterizations that are always expanding. While the focus tends to be shown through Cody's eyes or centered around him, it never fixates on him more than is necessary. Rather, by setting him up as the show's heart, the writing team is able to stretch out towards arcs related to other characters, both the 'Bots and their specific partners, and the other human cast members who interact with the 'Bots on a less frequent basis.
This is how Cody takes the potential of Raf from Prime and not only runs with it, but builds up countless heartwarming moments and strong characterizations over the course of Rescue Bots' run. Cody is positively and rightly shown as the glue of the family element of the show, and is given the autonomy to maintain his own personality and growth without being forgotten like Raf consistently was. That's why Cody stands out, and poor Raf is left hanging.
Well, that's my thoughts on the matter. I felt I should tackle Raf, given I covered his two peers, and Cody is a cute, fun, and constantly evolving counterpart to Raf that explains much of why I feel the poor baby of Team Prime was ultimately misused and unnecessary. I hope you enjoyed this, and that it got some gears turning in your heads.
I'll be seeing you guys!
"Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue!"
#transformers#transformers prime#transformers rescue bots#transformers humans#tf#tfp#tfrb#tfrobotsindisguise#tf rescue bots#tfrb boulder#tfrb chase#tfrb blades#tfrb heatwave#rescue bots#tfrb kade#heatwave#kade burns#dani burns#tfrb dani#tfrb cody#tfrb charlie#cody burns#charlie burns#tfrb graham#graham burns#tfp raf#bulkhead#rafael esquivel#tfp miko#tfp jack
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starting ur healing journey⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🩹🎀
healing is so important for us to function and have good quality of life. a lot of the time its easy to brush ur mental and emotional health underneath the rug but its just as important as ur physical health, if not more important. take care of urself…💬🎀
SHADOW WORK ;
shadow work is a form of journalling that focuses on confronting our "shadows" or parts of us that we dont know well, to help kind of understand ourselves better, why we respond to certain situations the way we do etc. it rly dives into urself and ur shadows.
HOT TIP ; if u search shadow work prompts on pinterest they have some rly rly good prompts, thats where i get all of my prompts. i also have a couple posts that include shadow work prompts…💬🎀
the most common way i see people do shadow work, and the way i do it, is by using shadow work prompts and choosing a few that resonate with me. i'd answer the prompt in depth and talk about it in my journal. shadow work has helped me heal in so many ways and i highly recommend it if ur thinking about starting to do shadow work every now and then.
WHAT DO U STRUGGLE WITH ;
recognizing what triggers you and things that u struggle with help you to identify the underlying source. this is called being more aware of urself, so i challenge u to dig deeper into urself and try and find out what the BIG idea is.
some things to take note of when ur trying to identify the deeper reasons for ur behaviors, feelings etc is to look at…💬🎀
♡ what do i value
♡ what do i have the strongest opinions towards
♡ what is something that i think of all the time/why do i think that all the time
by also looking at ur biggest fears, ur strongest opinions and ur deeply held values u can kind of understand what u value most and where ur insecurities and fears stem from. something that u can also look to is the things that u regret...
STRUGGLE WITH REGRET ;
first off, understand that u should recognize, reflect and then move on because living in a past moment is stagnant and u can't expect urself to heal if ur doing so. the only thing that u rly can do is heal from it and learn from whatever u regret so much so that then in the future u dont repeat those same things.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING GENTLE WITH URSELF ;
practice self compassion!! i swear everyone is so kind to literally everyone EXCEPT for themselves. give urself a break and humanize urself. u can do this by allowing urself to make mistakes and forcing urself out of the shame cycle. you are allowed to make mistakes cuz your human!! stop being so hard on urself.
furthermore remembering to be gentle with urself can cultivate a better relationship with self. acknowledge ur feelings and remember that whatever emotions ur feeling are totally normal and valid. doing things like…💬🎀
♡ journalling and nurturing urself, ur being gentle with urself and to me thats rly important when embarking on ur self healing journey
WAYS TO SHOW URSELF THAT U CARE ;
♡ practicing forms of self care and grooming - ur showing urself the love that u deserve and that ur worth taking care of and putting in effort for
♡ being mindful of ur health through what u eat, how much u sleep etc
♡ walking away from toxic situations, people etc and protecting ur peace in doing so
♡ getting fresh air everyday and moving ur body
♡ focus on urself and your needs before focusing on the needs of other people. you first.
SEEK AND YOU'LL FIND ;
lately most of my worries and the thing that has been putting the biggest strain on my mental health is things that i dont have the answer to. and by seeking help from some of my moots and my friends and searching on my own for answers that satisfied my curiosity i feel like i can live yk? cuz im constantly in a state of wondering and asking myself things that ik stress myself out and im working on breaking that cycle…💬🎀
#honeytonedhottie⭐️#it girl#becoming that girl#that girl#self care#it girl energy#self love#healing#healing journey#self healing#self growth#hyper femininity#hyper feminine#feminine#femininity#glamor#glamorous#absolutely fabulous#fabulously feminine#girly#girl blogging#girl blog#dream girl tips#dream girl#dream life#dreamy#shadow work#journalling#self improvement#self awareness
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"the public education system is intently evil and all teachers are abusive because it was the worst experience ever for me personally"
guys, look, I'm legitimately sorry that happened to you. that's fucked up. it shouldn't have happened, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen again to you or anyone else. I'm sorry.
public school was hard for me too, at times, and I'm still suffering the consequences for the harsh grading, the arbitrary deadlines, the hours of completely useless-to-me homework. I could name a few teachers who have been pretty fucking terrible. the fact that nobody considered getting me evaluated for ADHD has had an impact on my self image and academic success that I can't erase.
and also.
I grew up in an area where education, in particular, is incredibly progressive-leaning. educators are working really hard to create and try out education philosophies and practices that prioritize kids and their learning, rather than teachers and what they think kids should learn.
My sex ed was comprehensive, and came entirely from school. My gay sixth grade teacher taught me about HIV/AIDs in a useful, accurate way. In high school, I learned about the way orgasms work & I was prepared not to feel shame for normal stuff.
I learned that Communism was not what the USSR actually practiced, and what it really means. I learned about atrocities and, specifically, the genocide of indigenous people committed in/by the US. I learned about the military industrial complex, the school-to-prison pipeline, and I learned about manifestations of racism specific to my local area. I learned about Stonewall, and the intersection of the civil rights movement with gay rights and disability justice.
My creative writing teacher taught us about LSD, and the real reasons we shouldn't do it, after a hilariously ineffective assembly run by some local cops. He spoke gently, carefully, and emphatically about his friends and his own experiences. Later in the semester, he read us a story he wrote about two gay men finding each other in a deeply homophobic environment.
My sci-fi teacher made me feel safe & seen as a kid with "weird" interests. My US History teacher helped me research and put together a 10-page paper on the modern relevance and mission of Feminism. My government teacher made me feel appreciated for the work I put into the class, and the thought I put into what I said in it, even though he disagreed with a lot of it. My sixth grade teacher bought me books to read with his personal money, whichever ones I asked for. My third grade teacher made me feel safe. My science teacher in middle school made me excited for and passionate about science, and saw and nurtured the effort I put into her class.
A lot of stuff sucks, absolutely. But I am seeing new teaching methods being tried out all the time, and I am watching teachers get really excited when I teach their students about the roots of modern graffiti in US black history & to question property laws, and just...
There's hope. there are so many people doing so much work to make things better. so many people agree with you on what education should be, and are trying so fucking hard to put that into action, and so many public schools- not just teachers, but whole schools and even districts- are really doing that work. so much is getting better.
I had more to say, about necessary childcare and trusted adults and outside contacts and time away from abusive family. But like. Please just sit down and listen to more people on this, and please talk to educators and education professionals about what's really going on in this big huge world of philosophy, science, and practice.
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The right woman isn’t going to pick an argument with you for game or sport. She has had her fill of that bullshit and she is tired of it. If she picks an argument with you, it’s because she wants to teach you something important. She wants you to grow as a person or she wants the two of you to grow as a power couple. The right woman isn’t here for a fight. She is here to love you.
The right woman doesn’t need a boy; she needs a man. She needs a man who is capable of elevating himself, a man who does not mind being corrected if it is going to make him a better person. She needs a man who points the finger at himself before he dares point it outward at anyone or anything else. She needs a man of confidence who will inspire her to do better for herself and her family. The right woman no longer has any patience for boys, except for her sons (and even that wears thin).
The right woman wants to suffocate and drown herself in your masculinity. It makes her feel warm, loved, safe, and protected. By providing her with your masculine energy, you are creating an environment that allows her to radiate her own feminine energy, which is something that every man truly needs. He needs her loving warmth in order to balance himself out and to become the best version of himself. His voice, his mind, and his body will all be able to relax from the wars that he fights every day. The right woman is not threatened by toxic masculinity as she understands that the only thing toxic about masculinity is the absence of it in a man.
The right woman does not hide behind her man. Although she often wants him to lead and to assert his masculine energy appropriately, she will fight alongside him like a warrior Queen. And even though he would rather she stayed out of harm’s way, she would even stand in front of him and take a bullet to protect him. She goes to battle next to him whenever necessary and she safeguards his darkest secrets under lock and key. The right woman does not run away; she plants her feet like roots and she weathers the storm right next to him.
The right woman does not make excuses. She knows that she is not perfect and that there is still much that she can learn. She possesses the raw emotional intelligence to know that she isn’t always correct. She loves for him to teach her new things without belittling her or making her feel unintelligent. She takes accountability when she is wrong and she does her best to take action whenever possible. She is a true Goddess to the world who craves to be soft and little in the arms of the deserving man. The right woman is a force to be reckoned with.
The right woman learns his love language without asking, although there is no shame in asking in order to learn better. She studies his every move - what does he like, what does he want, what does he need - what turns him on, what makes him happy, what does he hold close to his heart.. what does he fear… she wants to know every single detail so that she can love him correctly. And the right woman should only expect the same reciprocity for herself.
The right woman understands that we are a team and that he is not a punching bag. Men are conditioned to be protective and to be strong, but men also fall weak because the human body can only take so much abuse, and some of our greatest battles are fought in our minds. This is not a sign of a lack of strength but rather it is an indication that he must rest as he is exhausted from fighting certain battles alone. While he would rather she did not engage in certain battles, he needs help dressing his wounds, protecting his body, and relaxing his mind so that he can safely remove his armor. The right woman will spring to action without having to be asked as nurturing him to health is her greatest reward.
The right woman doesn’t need to fight other women if they show you favorable attention. She knows to handle such battles with grace and she does not need to clench her fists. She instead will walk right into view, grab you by your tie, kiss you like it might be your last night on earth, and cling to you like a lifeboat while making eye contact with her newfound enemy, letting her know who won the battle without firing a single shot. Again, the right woman is a masterful Goddess who claims her territory appropriately.
The right woman comes in many different forms. She varies in shape, size, color, beauty, attitude, and much more. She will have her heart broken, probably more than once, by a man who did not value her for looking differently on the exterior. This will wound her temporarily, but in time, the right woman rises from her ashes and she learns her worth. If another man doesn’t value her for any such reasons, then she dodged a bullet because, ladies, I fucking promise you that there is a man out there, perhaps many men, who adore you exactly the way you are. If you aren’t his cup of tea, so be it, and if he doesn’t want you for you, the right woman knows when to say “fuck em”.
The right woman deserves absolutely nothing less than the right man, for without the right woman, that man is nobody and nothing. She makes him whole. She gives him great purpose. She gives him life and energy that had evaded him for years before they met each other. He would die for her as she would die for him, and it will be hell when the day comes that they are forced to live without each other. She may bless him with a family one day, but if not, they will make their home warm and full of the love that they both need to enjoy their time spent here in this life.
The right woman is absolutely fucking priceless. Fight for her and, when you do, the right woman will fight for you.
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Astrology observations, part two
The sign in which u have Lilith in is some part of u that u repress out of shame
Lilith in Cancer= nurturing side
Lilith in Scorpio= sexuality
Lilith in Libra: femininity
Lilith in Taurus: high standards in life/prioritizing comfort
Rising sign represents HOW we see the world, so people who have the same rising sign (depending on planets in 1st house/aspects) may share the same values or outlook on life
Fire placements esp Aries and Sag let things go easily/forgive and forget
Gemini placements have a very eccentric fashion sense that only they can pull off lol and they pull it off well
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#astrology#astrology made easy#astro community#astro notes#astro observations#lilith#rising sign#gemini#fire placements
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Why God Loves You | PAC
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pile one pile two pile three
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how to choose a pile . . . choose whichever you feel drawn to or ask your guides to guide your eyes to the one that is meant for you! ᡣ𐭩
— ⭑.ᐟ before we start I would like to say that this pick a card was made for those who were made to believe that God doesn’t love them, or that their existence is a sin. so if anyone wishes to complain about ‘oh but what if I have different beliefs’ then please simply consider that this pick a card is not for you. I am making it for those who were unjustly hurt. not proof read.
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pile one : - coffee stain !
𐙚 : judgment reversed, ace of wands reversed, hermit reversed, two of swords, the devil
bottom of the deck: ace of cups
♡ ⢷why He loves you
You are genuinely not a judgemental person, at all. Even if someone is judged by the masses you are someone that does the ‘investigation’ of the situation yourself and then decide if the person actually deserves to be hated or not.
Even when it comes to unconventional things that other people would judge for, you simply do not. You always do your best to understand where the other person is coming from, and most importantly what are they going through. Especially emotionally, you try to see it from their perspective and not from someone that’s an outsider perspective in that situation, whatever it might be. That only comes second, third and so on. You are just someone very nurturing and smart, a person who walks their own way of clarity rather than blindly following the masses.
You are someone that is hard to influence, but rather than this making you unfriendly, it has the opposite effect on you. This quality of yours makes you very friendly and makes people have trust in you.
You are mature and can meet good people because you don’t let judgement fall in the way of you making good connections. Rather, you aim to understand everyone as much as possible.
You are also someone that is very responsible. When you make mistakes rather than running away from them and denying what had happened in the past you stand on your feet and strive to make it right. To create a better future.
This is something that is very honourable about you, something that is admirable.
♡ ⢷personal message
You don’t have to be religious in order to follow the words of God or what’s in your heart. Neither do you have to be religious in order to be considered a good person.
You are just you, and that’s enough.
You are good as you are, with your flaws, with your strengths and with your history. Don’t feel like you have to put on a show in order to be accepted. By this, I just mean that your existence is not a sin. What happened to you in the past is not a sin either, and don’t shame yourself for your normal human desires. Especially if you know it’s not your fault.
‘Picture perfect’ is picture perfect exactly because it’s not reality. Consider it an illusion if you wish.
— ✮⋆˙ someone in this pile is biologically a guy! , hey ya! - outkast , used to be a player , plush animals , bells , bunnies , wooden house , unfortunate childhood , growing up in poverty and actually managing to have a better life , nose bleeds , pink glittery food ? , hate for ants
my beautiful pile one please know that your intrusive thoughts are not you and I see all your efforts to be the best possible version of yourself, to treat yourself and humans with love and respect. you are pretty cool, please don’t beat yourself up. don’t blame yourself for the way other people have hurt you. I am also so sorry if your pile sounds a bit messy, I wrote it at 2AM. thank you for reading.
if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!
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pile two : - a letter !
𐙚 : the lovers reversed, five of cups reversed, ten of swords reversed, ace of wands, the hermit, two of cups
bottom of the deck: the star & the empress reversed
♡ ⢷why He loves you
In the past you have made some pretty bad choices. I am not judging, because who didn’t? These could be things that you aren’t necessarily proud of and that you know hurt people. At that time, you didn’t have people’s best interest at heart. You didn’t even care much for it even.
The thing is, this changed. You changed it, without anyone having to tell you to.
You changed it because you didn’t enjoy the person you have become. All by yourself. God, and your guides for that matter, are very very proud of you for that. It could feel a bit unreal to hear that, but regardless, you are reading this pick a card for a reason.
Regardless, you made such a huge progress and became someone that you can be proud of. You are doing so well, there is nothing left but to praise you for how far you have become.
There was genuinely such a huge tower moment in your life which helped you become the person that you are today, one that helped you evolve and have people’s best interest in your heart. Not from a people pleasing stand point either, rather, you look at everyone as human and as crazy as it might sound this isn’t a quality many people have.
Rather than seeing people as strangers, obstacles or just an option to pass time with you have become much more empathetic and have way more emotional depth than what you used to have.
This has helped you and other people heal as well, it’s truly adorable. You have every right to be proud of yourself!
♡ ⢷personal message
The past is the past and the present is the present.
People change and this includes you. Don’t give yourself a hard time over things that no longer matter, or no longer can he helped.
Today, you are a just, wonderful and kind person. Someone that gives their all in everything they do, someone who does things with all their might. A person that is doing their best, every single day, even at times where they don’t want to. - It’s not the bare minimum, this is a very wholesome and just thing of you to do. Don’t under-appreciate your own efforts in life. You are doing so much, while getting so little and you are so strong for continuing to stand even though you feel like giving up at times.
You are doing so well, and I hope you will be able to see that.
— ✮⋆˙ zuko from atla , mha , break stuff - limp bizkits , smiley - yena ft bibi , ear ringing , silver jewellery , crying at night ? , porcelain dolls , grandma , beauty and the beast rose , swarovski princess dolls , blood , red lip tint , being distracted , recently finding out something important about yourself
bad people don’t worry about being bad. I know impostor syndrome can be hard, but you are doing so well! the past doesn’t define you but your efforts of self improvement do! thank you for reading. 🫶🏻
if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!
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pile three : - the sea !
𐙚 : knight of wands reversed, the devil, three of swords reversed, nine of pentacles reversed, seven of swords reversed, ace of swords, ten of swords
bottom of the deck: queen of pentacles reversed
♡ ⢷why He loves you
Alright my beautiful pile three, I see your struggles. You have happened to be born into and grow up in an environment that doesn’t serve you any right. One that doesn’t align with your soul and keeps making you go through hardships.
Your family members are not necessarily people who always have your best interest at heart, and even if they do they don’t always succeed in showing you that.
They are much different from you, and even though you don’t necessarily deem yourself as perfect you know they are at times toxic even if they try to include you in things, try to make you feel good in your skin and so on. You, essentially are the black sheep of your family. Not because you try to stand out, not because you cause trouble on purpose but because you try to not make the mistakes that they do.
Being born into a family which you can love is a privilege, and I do think you got to understand that from a very young age even if not everyone in this pile hates their family you don’t always like them despite loving them. - Ironic, that could be something that people who chose this pile heard growing up. -
So, at many times you have felt lonely.
Despite this, you are doing your best. Some of you were at times severely mistreated, tricked into things or perhaps share wounds you genuinely never want to open up about.
Regardless of this, you don’t seek revenge. You don’t aim to hurt people. If you dislike someone you keep your distance, and focus on your own life.
On having good goals, good morals, being kind to strangers, being kind to family and being a good person overall.
Sure, sometimes you do get annoyed, quite a lot at times even, but you do your best to not react out of harsh and negative emotions, to not lash out on people. You know how it feels and don’t wish to inflict such negative kinds of emotions on people. So everyday, you do your best to don’t.
♡ ⢷personal message
Your surroundings don’t define you as a person, being the one to stand out doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
Sometimes you are just meant to stand out, to create differences, to be the foundation for a better future.
For yourself and those who are important to you.
If you can’t be, that’s fine. The world doesn’t rely on you, don’t overwhelm yourself if you believe that you deserve better. The world is give and take, you cannot just give and give and give without receiving anything back.
Being a giver is alright, and having a forgiving heart is beautiful, but you cannot sacrifice your well being just to please people.
— ✮⋆˙ ‘I just wanna be one of your girls tonight one of your girls tonight’ , apple watch , an actual apple , lana del rey , ‘back to black’ , late night talks , ‘bye guys! hi ladies!’ , soobin from txt , dipper pines , weird food combos - peanut butter with pickles … ? whatever makes you feel happy my pile 3 - , back scratching , long nails , poverty , gangs (?)
I can definitely resonate with you my beautiful pile three, please just know that beautiful things await you. Like genuinely, you will have so many good things in life which you didn’t even previously think about or consider before. I hope you will be able to find so much happiness my little lamb. thank you for reading.
if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!
#tarot community#tarot blog#tarot#tarot reading#spirituality#free tarot#tarotblr#astroblr#free tarot reading#pick a card#paid readings#pick a picture#daily tarot#tarot decks#tarot cards#astro community#astrology#pick a pile#pick a photo#christianity#christian faith#God#remember hating on me for this pac is genuinely childish !
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𝒥𝓊𝓅𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒩𝒶𝓀𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓈 & 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 🧞✨💐✩
I've always thought Jupiter ruled Nakshatras (Punarvasu, Vishakha, & Purvabhadprada) to be veryy magical with their themes of limitlessness, expansion, sheer spiritual abundance & power. I'm not sure if it has been talked about before, but something that always comes to mind when I envision Jupiterian Nakshatras or meet heavily Jupiter influenced people, is the concept of genies.
Jupiter's abundance and endlessly giving nature is known to be a blessing and a curse. A Jupiterian can be the sweet, generous, selfless friend who is there when you need them; providing you endless support, refuge & material generosity.
The dark side of this inherently generous 'wish-fulfilling' nature of Jupiter Nakshatras, is the possibility that they enable dark behaviours in others & themselves. Always saying yes, always being available and endlessly giving to the wrong type of cause or person, can make you complicit in the crime so to speak, even if the intention is simply to give, or give chances (Punarvasu's themes of second chances, 'return to the light'). Jupiter Nakshatras entail hugeee lessons regarding purpose (Vishakha, 'the Star of Purpose') & being intentional and wise as to how you use your power and influence (the infamous test of character in Purvabhadrapada 'the man with two faces').
These Jupiterian themes have always made me think of genies- wish fulfilling creatures who are inherently unable to say no to the wishes uttered to them. Having to just sit and watch people wish for dreadful things and just go... 'as you wish'. Obviously in real life, there really is a choice not to feed into others' and ones own toxic patterns but with Jupiterians, the urge to give, to be constantly available to others, can almost feel like it's not a choice. It's energetically intertwined in their make-up.
I would love to gather more examples, but it's 3am here and this was a bit of a spur of the moment thing I had to get out haha- I looked into a few of the most prominent 'genie' roles in movies and as I suspected, every single one features an actor/actress with strong Jupiter influence.
Jeannie from 60s sitcom 'I dream of Jeannie' - actress, Barbara Eden has Punarvasu Ascendant
Kazaam from 90s comedic film 'Kazaam' - actor/basketball player Shaquille O'Neal has Purvabhadrapada Sun
Genie from Disney's Aladdin - played in the live action movie by Will Smith, Vishakha Moon.
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This genie theme really makes me think of all of the Jupiterian Nakshatras, but Vishakha especially. A friend of mine who is a Vishakha stellium always tells me about how it is said that Vishakha has the ability to generate 'instant karma'. So Vishakha natives to an extent greater than other Nakshatras will receive the raw manifested result of their thoughts/actions veryy quickly. Much like a genie granting instant wishes.
I was going to mention also that the whole genie archetype also reminds me of Rohini a bit- the wish-fulfilling aspect, the element of fulfilling desires without shame/inhibition. It's a little different in nature, but Rohini Nakshatra's got a similar theme where the native is incredibly nurturing of who or what sets their heart on fire, sometimes to a fault. Rohini is capable of immense growth but can forgo morality/practicality for the sake of immersion in the process of creation & sparking joy. Rohini's philosophy is something along the lines of 'let go of judgement because judgement inhibits creation and disrupts purity'. This is very true, but of course as humans on the divided and dense Earthly plane, we know that having a sense of judgement & boundaries is also important.
That was very wordy, but hopefully y'all see what I'm getting at lol. Although I'm more inclined to associate Rohini with wise old wizard dudes with cool beards & mad but genius scientists lol.
Back to Jupiterians-
I believe that Jupiter Nakshatra's 'remedy' is to eventually realise that they are not a slave to their giving nature, and the power lies in them to decide, & give only to a person, dream, goal or cause that truly is aligned with their own soul's path. Break free from the shackles lol- with wisdom hopefully. Without that element of wisdom, Jupiter can run wild with that discovered power.
Jupiterians struggling with discernment is why Jupiter Nakshatras oppose Venusian Nakshatras (Bharani opposes Vishakha; Purvaphalguni opposes Purvabhadrapada; Purvashadha opposes Punarvasu). Venus masters the fine art of 'necessary cruelty' sometimes ya gotta rip out the weeds, warn off the pigeons and trim the rose bush to make your garden a beautiful, pleasant, luxurious place. Jupiter can struggle with this, instinctively wanting to be a safe space for everyone and everything.
Jupiter ruled Nakshatras also partially oppose Solar Nakshatras (Krittika, Uttaraphalguni & Uttarashadha) illustrating the Jupiterian struggle with putting oneself first. Solar Nakshatras keep their energy strong and vibrantly resounding at their core; wheras Jupiter Nakshatras are kinda messy with their energy (lol, not necessarily in a bad way)- they disperse their energy everywhere, giving & giving. Both Solar & Jupiter Nakshatras deal with themes of limitless reserves energy, but in opposite, contrasting ways.
There's so much I could write about Jupiterians, I love Jupiter energy very much. I really love all of the Nakshatras lol, I mean how could you not? Every Nakshatra holds teachings that are integral to making the world a better place 💕🪷
Thankyou for reading!
#vedic astrology#vedic astro observations#nakshatras#astrology#jupiter#siderealastrology#jyotish#vedic astro notes#sidereal astrology#nakshatra#vedicastrology#jupiter nakshatras#vishakha#punarvasu#purva bhadrapada#venus#sun
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“Seven Above.” // Highly Religious Dark!Aemond Targaryen x Wife!Reader
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DD:DNE ;; Reader discretion is heavily advised.
WARNINGS: noncon & dubcon, forced breeding, forced beliefs, breeding kink, religious themes and psychopathic aemond, dark!aemond, misogynistic views, pressure to fit into the gender norms, forced pregnancy, multiple orgasms, brainwashing(?), mindfucking, + not proofread. PLEASE BE EXTREMELY MINDFUL OF THE CONTENT WARNINGS
Block the tag #MAE:DARK!CONTENT to refrain from seeing my dark works.
WC: 2.1k
A/N: fic contains dark content, do not proceed to read if you are easily triggered or find the topics mentioned above triggering. // dividers by @cafekitsune
Aemond was a man of the faith of the seven
He was extremely religious, his mother’s belief in the faith has also made him follow it, though he studied about dragons and old gods of Valyria, he didn't particularly follow them. His need for impressing his own mother, followed by his grandfather made him follow this faith more.
The only problem? He was way too religious and strict, but also hypocritical, he had shamed Aegon for being married to Helaena, but also desired her for himself, he would taunt his nephews for being bastards, yet also had one for himself with a common whore he could not remember the name of. He doesn't acknowledge them as sins however, saying that they are forgiven by the gods as he visits the sept daily.
Alicent did not know what to say, for when she would speak to him about what he's doing and points out his wrongdoings, he simply ignores her and tells her that her job as a woman isn't to judge, but rather understand and nurture, to which she couldn't argue against. So she remained silent.
Everything was going the same as usual, until Aemond was summoned by his grandfather, who had selected a proposal for him.
“The woman is Y/N of the L/N house, a woman loved by many, it will benefit us if we formed an alliance with her family, what do you think of it Aemond?” His grandfather questioned, to which Aemond nodded, saying it isn't too much of a bad match considering they had more to gain than lose, and so the proposal was quickly made.
Aemond only saw you on the day of the wedding, when your house arrived in the throne room, where Aegon sat in the middle, handling the matters. You had not shied away from looking in his eye, to which he was caught off guard by, his mind quickly realising how you are the feisty type.
The ceremony went well, Aemond refused the bedding ceremony and took you to your martial chambers before bedding you. He was gentle of course, he didn't do anything that was too painful.
One thing about Aemond is that, you should never get on his bad side, he is cruel just as he is lenient, you heard of what he had done to his own nephew, to riverrun, to the strong house, leaving absolutely no one alive from that bloodline, no woman or bastard was spared.
The first month flew by quickly, Aemond had gotten to know you better, and he quickly realised that you both don't share the same ideologies on most of the stuff, you even dared to speak back to him, to which he excused you of. Arguments with him on small things have started to happen, his opinion contradicting yours, and his refusal to understand your point of view made you extremely unaccepted, yet you still tried to convey your feelings to him, hoping somewhere deep down in your heart that he'd understand. After all, you had grown to love him a little. He was far better than any husband, most of them didn't even let their wife speak to them.
That was until the topic of children had come when you were dining together.
“Wife, Have you gotten your moon's blood yet?” He asked and you nodded, “Yes, husband, it passed a few days ago and it is regular.” you tell him confused as to why he is asking this, “Are you perhaps barren?” He asks, which makes you feel shocked, and quite offended, “No! Why would you ask such a thing like that?” You ask, eyes slightly wide with shock. “Then why aren't you with child yet?” He questions as if you had any control over anything that happens after intercouse.
“It is only the second month, and besides….” You bite your lip and he raises an eyebrow, “What is it?” You sigh heavily, “I do not know how to ask of you this.” You tell him honestly, “What is it that you need wife? Dresses? Jewellery, do not be shy to ask, I am your husband after all. It is my duty to provide.” He rests his hand on yours, squeezing it in a reassuring way.
“I–” you take a deep breath, “I do not want children, at least, not yet.” you spit out.
It's almost as if everything had frozen in place, the air becomes silent with only the crackling sounds of the fireplace being heard. The tension becomes more imminent in the air as the Aemond continues to remain silent and not do anything, except directly stare at you.
His grip on your hand suddenly tightens, making you wince and you look at him pleadingly, “Have you gone mad?” He stands up, forcing you to stand up as well and you grip his arm tightly, not wanting to fall before balancing yourself, “Please- I am not yet ready, let me prepare myself mentally first.” You beg him and his other hand grabs you by your throat and pulls you closer to him, his grip on your throat begins to tighten, causing you to lose bloodflow to your head.
“I have done nothing except do my duty, be the ideal husband, provide for you, all while allowing you to express yourself yet it seems I was too lenient on you.” He growls, “Because here you are, asking me, to allow you to not have children. It is your sole duty as a wife and a woman, and you could not even provide such a thing?” He let goes of your throat, making you engulf a huge amount of air as you tried to calm down.
“Every woman is the image of the mother, she should have a natural nurturing personality towards anyone, especially to their own children, yet here you are refusing to be a mother to your own child or rather having one of yours, it is disgusting.” He says meanly and you glare at him, “I never said that I never wanted to be a mother, I asked you to give me time to which you are– hmmgh!” You are dragged by Aemond to the bed and thrown on it, you quickly lean on your elbows, fear gnawing in your stomach as you look at Aemond who seemed so furious at you, your heartbeat accelerated as he just stared down at you, like a predator staring at its prey.
“Your sin is forgiven, wife, I remembered how some women think they do not want children until they do, and then they become the best mothers and perfect wives known to man, maybe you are of that same category.” He keeps on talking, and you stare at him, confused and in fear, what in the seven hell was he talking about?
“It is no surprise if that is the case, luckily, there is a cure for that, and that is to get you pregnant, and I shall do just that, simultaneously fulfilling the duties as your husband.” He leans down and caresses your cheek. Your eyes widen when you catch his expression in the illuminating moonlight. He was smiling, yet the smile did not reach his eyes, Your stomach began to churn as goosebumps arose on your skin, he doesn't seem like the man you married anymore.
Before you could make an escape, Aemond pounces you and pushes you down onto the bed, you thrash in his hold trying to push him off but he holds your hands together and pins them up before grabbing your cheeks harshly and spitting on your face, “Behave, I'm treating you.” You began to tremble knowing he had gone completely mad.
“Let go of me! Aemond!” You scream and he pushes his hand over your mouth, “Shut the fuck up.” He tells you before grabbing your dress and tearing it off your body, the bodice coming along with it, causing your tits to spill out. He gropes and squeezes them, “I wonder how nice they'd look when they swell with milk hm?” He coos, before descending his lips onto your nipple, you use your now free hands to push him away but he doesn't budge, you try to pull him by his hair but he bites harshly onto your nipple causing you to let go of his hair in pain, he pulls away and looks at you angrily.
“Behave.” He says sternly and you flinch, never having heard Aemond use that specific tone before, it was extremely scary. “Aemond, please.” You plead him but he doesn't care, simply ripping off the remains and pushing you up the bed and prying your legs open. “You'd look so beautiful, all round with my child in your belly, I pray to the mother to bless us with a child.” He undos his breeches and your eyes widen in horror, knowing what is about to come.
You watched in silence as he lined himself against your entrance, prodding the tip at the very beginning of your hole and began to push inside, you shut your eyes tightly and clenched the sheets below you, a pained cry leaving your mouth at the stretch of your cunt by his cock, unprepared.
He soon fully sheathed himself inside you, and wastes no time before beginning to thrust, whines and gasps leave your mouth at his actions, you grip onto his shoulders as he jerks you up and down, you felt ashamed when it started to begin to feel good, your body in dilemma where you push him or pull him closer.
However that sense of choice is taken away from you when he grabs your hands and pins them above you, all while pistoning his hips into yours, “Seven above, I pray that the mother blesses my dear wife with a child in her womb so she may be cured of her sinfulness, I pray that the maiden guides her into realising how she should truly perform her duty as a woman, and may the crone remove useless thoughts and guide her to the correct path.” He prays closing his eyes and your eyes widen in pure shock, shocked by the fact on how he can pray in a situation like this?
His thrusts feel so sinful, and you're convinced you've lost your mind because of the fact that you are getting pleasure from this, his lips find yours in a passionate kiss as he ends the prayer, kissing your forehead afterwards and pulls back, “You'll make a good mother, I'm sure of it.” He coos in your ear before pressing a kiss to it as well.
You soon began to recognize the familiar feeling of a rope tightening in your abdomen, the telltale sign that your peak was nearing, Aemond's hand groped your tits, pinching your nipples and rubbing his thumb over them, providing you with additional pleasure, and before you know it, you are toppling over the edge as your peak hits you, arching your back and moaning out his name loudly.
He too finishes inside you, filling your hole with his seed, before pulling out, his face hovers over your stomach and you watch as he presses a kiss on the location of where your womb would be located, “May the mother bless us.” He mutters.
You thought that would be the end, yet you were wrong, you gasp when you feel his finger scooping up his seed which leaked out and push it back into you, essentially beginning to finger you, he takes you by surprise again when you feel his warm tongue on your clit, causing your hands to fly out and grip his hair as you breathed heavily.
His tongue and finger worked simultaneously, introducing you to a sensation of a new type of overstimulation, making you peak once again.
Time blurred together and yet Aemond did not stop, you've lost count of how many times he made you peak and how many times he finished inside you, but at the end of it, you surely felt full and fucked out, your mind filled with nothing but the thought of having his children, which he kept muttering over and over again, causing you to pick up on it.
“You'll be a great mother.” He pulls you into his arms as scoot closer, burying your face in his chest, “Yes, Husband, I'll give you as many children you want.” You mutter before finally drifting off to sleep.
Aemond smirks, knowing that he has now achieved his goal, now he can slowly start shifting you into the type of wife he wanted in the first place.
It was no surprise when you found out that you were pregnant with a child, only for you to give birth to triplets.
“A blessing from the mother.” Alicent beamed, yet that sentence only made you flinch.
— ! ݈݇- thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated greatly ♡
#MAE:DARK!CONTENT#tw: noncon#tw: dubcon#aemond smut#aemond targaryen smut#aemond x reader smut#aemond targaryen x reader smut#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond x reader#tw: dark content#dark!aemond x reader#dark!aemond smut#dark!aemond targaryen x reader#dark!aemond targaryen#dark!hotd#tw: religous themes#tw: forced pregnancy#tw: forced breeding
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The Other
yandere ! ITADORI YUJI x READER x yandere ! SUKUNA
WARNINGS: yandere, misogyny, nsfw, implied noncon
A/N: A bit different than usual, less story and more imagine, I just had a Thought TM that wouldn't leave me alone.
read at your own discretion.
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What about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but it’s 19th century Gothic Yuji and Sukuna obsessing over their cute little lab assistant.
Where Yuji finds himself falling in love with the pretty little thing that turned up one night on his doorstep. How could a gentleman refuse a damsel in distress? She’d had nowhere to go, and a woman on the streets is a woman without dignity. He’d done her a favor taking her in, feeding her, clothing her, teaching her everything he knows. Well, almost everything.
And it’s not that she’s not grateful, no, she’s always eager to please, pretty doe eyes blinking up at him with only the purest intentions of proving her worth.
It’s when that voice in his head that he swears isn’t his starts to talk.
Bend her over and spread her legs.
He’d had years of experience tuning the other inside of him out, and begrudgingly grew used to the snide remarks about the so-called useless pussy on legs. But it’s only when his more ignoble half begins to make suggestions with less than savory intentions that he finds himself wavering. He tries to reason that it isn’t him, not really. He can keep it under control. He always has.
It’s the small things really, how she bites the tip of her pencil in concentration during his lectures, determined to be of some use to him. Pretty lips parted oh so delicately, hugging the tip to her teeth.
Let me out. I want to see that whore mouth painted white with my cum.
Or when she blinks dumbly at him from under butterfly lashes, a sheepish giggle and warmth on her cheeks because something he said went in one ear, through her ditzy little brain, and out the other.
Dumb little thing would sink down and suck our cock dry if we told her it was in the name of science, wouldn’t she?
An involuntary twitch of his fingers sends his heart leaping to his throat.
Why don’t you find out?
He drowns it out until the cover of night shields him, locked inside his chambers before giving an inch to the monster. Stroking his cock to the image of her laid out naked and moaning beneath him, legs spread and welcoming. Where the thought of licking the sweat from the skin of her neck has him hurtling off that cliff, and into the resulting ocean of shame.
Little things build up, he finds, and even with her painfully female brain, she begins to notice something off. Though, he finds himself grateful when it isn’t disgust that meets him, but concern. Oh, bless women and their nurturing sensibilities.
She’ll fuss over him like a true lady, mothering but not smothering. Anything he needs to help soothe those pesky migraines. And he’ll finally realize an acceptable way to indulge in his impure thoughts. He’ll make the street urchin he turned lady his wife.
He ignores the rumbling of low laughter that rattles his brain at the thought, deep enough to shake something important but easily forgotten in his bones.
He’ll make all the appropriate preparations for a courtship, determined to woo her as a man would, as a man should. Dress her up, and take her on a promenade through the finest parts of town, introducing her to the finest people at the finest parties.
But he reasons that was his first mistake. Because when he watches her laugh, all airy and bright, intentionally tempting, entirely too close to that brooding dark-haired duke he liked to call brother, white hot fury spills into his veins. That distant familiar desire, heady in all its glory, bloodlust, is his only warning. And the other, who’d been quiet for quite some time, smugly returns.
A whore is a whore no matter the clothes. You thought she’d choose you?
He’ll down glass after glass of scotch, determined to ignore it, but too focused on the brush of her delicate fingers alongside the Duke’s sleeve. There’s a look in his friend’s eye he’s never quite seen before; it’s soft, warm, and it’s all it takes for him to rush to the water closet and hurl up the contents of his stomach.
Pathetic. A man doesn’t wait to be chosen. A man takes what’s his. There’s only one between us. Let me out.
A man takes what’s his. It’s a thought that settles too comfortably in his mind, and he resolves to keep her close. No more outings with those snobbish lords and ladies. Just to save her the embarrassment of exposing the unrefined nature of her peasant birth any more than she already had.
It’ll work for a time, but it’s just a little while later that his brother turned traitor starts turning up on the manor’s doorstep with his own intentions of courtship. Excuses of their preoccupation with scientific breakthroughs and studies only keep him at bay for so long.
I’ll do what you can’t. Let me out.
He begins to wonder whether the beast had been wrong when he catches her wistful stares out the window, too conspicuously asking about the wellbeing of a man that isn’t him. A whore is a whore. When she comes back from town with the excuse of restocking food or supplies, why does she take longer and longer to return each time?
Let Me Out.
He’ll question why it isn’t enough. Why he isn’t enough. He isn’t, not if her attention still turned elsewhere. There’s a beating at the door of his mind that threatens to split at any moment. Finally, mercifully, she’ll relieve the struggle with two words.
He proposed.
He proposed. He proposed. He proposed. He doesn’t hear anything after that, not as she sputters out empty placations and gratitude. Not when she solidifies her intentions of leaving him.
He just responds in kind with two earth-shattering words of his own.
Come out.
#yandere jjk#yandere itadori#yandere sukuna#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere itadori x reader#yandere sukuna x reader#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#i wrote this today so if there's grammar mistakes no there's not
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The Shadows That Nurture 14
ch 15 is done so y'all can have ch 14, these are getting longer and longer- If I somehow end up passing 4k words I'll have to break these into pt1 and pt2 🥲
Also- y'all can not rip Jason's finger tattoos saying "jailbird" from me, ever.
Masterlist || First || previous<< Chapter 14 >>next(TBC)
Your hands were shaking as Slade led you to one of the many bathrooms in the building, but despite everything, you were proud of yourself. You didn’t cry, that was good enough in your book. “You were fast with that throw. Not many get a hit on the man, as clumsy as he fakes being.” His voice only seemed to make you angrier.
You took a deep breath, exhaling softly. He hasn’t done anything to you, yet at least. You’re not angry at him- is what you had to repeat to yourself before answering. “I wish it was a knife.” Your face twitched at that. “That- was a very emotionally fueled answer- please don’t hold it against me.” Willson was more amused by the answer than scared or worried.
“You won’t be the first, and you won’t be the last.” The man took his handkerchief and dampened it, leaning against the marble sink as he handed it to you, and you thanked him while taking it. “I’ll hold you up to paying for the cleanup, by the way. I love this suit. Now- why did you really want to talk?”
“Straight to the point I see.” At his smile, you just shrug. “Never was one for pull and push games.” Perhaps it was your hormones, or just how much you’ve repressed your emotions for other human beings due to hurt, but his laugh made your cheeks flush. You were putting a pin on that feeling, for now just dismissing it as anger at the male species.
“I just want to talk, get to know you better.” He went to the modern toilet and took out its wall panel, pulling out a briefcase. “You’ve made quite the name for yourself. Among terrible people.” Slade opens the briefcase once it is on the marble top, revealing his gear and a clean pair of clothes. “So, you want to assassinate me?”
“Assassination is for world leaders, my dear.” The shit-eating grin definitely made you think whatever you were feeling was anger. “But you’re not far off. We have similar enemies.” You took the clean shirt he handed to you, took the wet wipes straight from the case, and went straight for the room divider, Slade turning his back to you. “So- what, you want me to help you and when push comes to shove, you’ll help me?” He could hear the doubt, the sarcasm, and the distrust. But he just smiled. “Yes.”
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Luthor just kept on looking at you for a few seconds as you lay face down on his emperor-sized bed. “Is that his shirt?” He got a muffled yes in response. “He hid a briefcase in your wall and gave me the spare, said he’ll come back with the clean suit… I so think he wanted to kill you or steal something you have here.” Lex just hummed at that, tapping his foot. “And?” You groaned. “Where do I even begin?”
“Well, you could start from the beginning?” Lex said while getting up and grabbing a set of pajamas and tossing them on your back. You sigh and place your head on your hand, turning your body sideways so you can look at him. “I have parental issues and a part of me finds his stupid eye-patch so hot.” You cackled maniacally as Luthor’s face soured. “Ok. How about we skip forward a bit?” He almost begged.
“Alright- wait-…” You take a closer look at the pajamas. “These are my size.” Your eyes meet his as he confirms with no shame on his mug. “Are you not going to ask why?” Sighing you just get up and move towards his bathroom. “You either want a kid or a wife and I’m not mentally sound enough right now for either one. And I’m sleeping with mom- I so do not believe you didn’t put cameras in my room, you weirdo.”
“I’m a paranoid billionaire genius. I have cameras in every room.” It was his turn to laugh like a maniac as he heard you call him a weirdo again.
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With everyone out of the manor, it was finally time for Alfred to clean the whole bloody place. These moments were rare, and while Master Bruce insisted on him taking a break, he wasn’t a man to stay in one place for long without work.
He began from the ground up, the cave, the yard. The ground floor and the first level came and went, on the second level he may have gotten distracted by the new books Bruce got for Jason, and by the time the man of the house got back, Alfred was halfway done with the third floor.
Opening yet another door, his eyes immediately critiqued the dust, barely processing the objects before beginning to clean, starting with a little framed photo and the nightstand. It took him two looks before he registered what the picture depicted- a little girl at her kindergarten graduation event. He doesn’t remember Miss Cassandra this young, Master Bruce must have-
No… Cassandra never went to kindergarten. Alfred drops the cloth he was wiping off the dust with, head snapping around the room- Paintings, so many paintings, drawing supplies. Medals, diplomas- the more of them he wiped with his gloved hand the more the man trembled, heart beating against his ribcage, the same way it did on the active battlefield- where were you?
A child- a whole child- no. He saw you- yes. In the garden, yelling at Bruce- that-… that was six years ago. Six years ago. Six bloody years ago. Somewhere in his panicked frenzy, a hopeful part of him just thought that maybe you changed rooms, yes, that’s why he began screaming your name like a madman, bursting through the rooms he hadn’t yet opened, screaming as he went down the staircase, rechecking rooms, scaring the kids that were in the manor.
Damian frowned at Cassandra and Tim. “Has Pennyworth lost it?” The girl didn’t even pay him any mind as she simply followed the elder. “No, he-… Where is she?” Tim tried to respond but the distraction got to him- he can’t remember the last time he saw you. Damian had no other choice but to follow as well.
Even though the old man used the stairs he was the first to enter the batcave, the kids following in the elevator. “-she’s missing-“ was what they caught, seeing the picture frame Alfred ran around with now clenched in Bruce’s hands.
“No.” Cassandra said softly, confusion clear on her face. “In London.” Alfred looked at the man as he tried to hide his fury. “You sent the young miss to London without even telling me?” Bruce immediately said a firm no, turning to Cassandra to ask how she even knew of that. “Is anyone going to inform me about who we are talking about?!”
Damian had enough, he didn’t like still being left in the dark about things that seemed this important. Tim repeated your name like it was obvious, but Alfred felt the world crash on his head. “Yes. So you all keep on saying, is that code for something?” The old man needed to sit down. They’ve never talked about her. They’ve never told him about her.
Tim was too tired to realize what Alfred did. He just called the boy rude, how could he not remember his other big sis. And it was the wrong thing to do. “I have another sister, and you didn’t tell me? Nobody did?!” The youngest boy snapped at his father before turning to look at everyone else.
Bruce- he was taking hit after hit tonight. He couldn’t come up with an argument to Slade, and he sure as hell couldn’t defend himself against Damian. The last time he remembered seeing you was when he ruined your garden. He slumped down in his chair, clutching the picture of your sad chubby face and the pitying look of the teacher, unable to take his eyes from it.
Where was he? He… He can’t defend himself. How could he? He didn’t even realize you were missing. How much has he missed? How many events and achievements has he ignored or brushed off? Did you leave that night, was that the last drop? He ignored his arguing kids, ignored how devastated Alfred looked… Jason said he was missing a bird. Bruce closes the open files on The Sorceress. “Tim, inform Dick and the others. Oracle. Call Red Hood. Now.”
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Lois sighed and turned to face her husband who was fully awake. “Ok, come on, confess.” Clark didn’t even flinch, not until she shook his shoulder. He side-eyed her before turning to also face her, sure that Jon was deeply asleep. “What I’m about to tell you should stay just between us.”
“The Sorceress is adopted, her dad is Bruce.” Lois raised a brow but before she could ask for more Clark continued. “I heard her brother and Lex inform the Immortal about it. The boy mentioned that, and I quote, the bastard didn’t pay attention to her for years and now has the gall to show up and act like he doesn’t know her. Lex was sure of the fact that Bruce didn’t even know that she had run away, to begin with, let alone how the kid he barely spent time with looked like anymore”
Lois took a while to soak in the information. “That’s…” She lies back on her back, staring at the ceiling like her husband once was. “If it’s true- it’s a new low for him. I'll look into it.” She looks at Clark. “Don’t let Jon hear that, he’ll-“
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“-and that’s what my dad said.” Jon, who was still in his pajamas, huffing from how fast he flew and talked, told Damian once they were in the security of the youngest Wayne’s room. The other boy just nodded. “Thank you for informing me, Jon. Make sure you do not repeat this to anyone else.”
“You should go back before your parents realize you’re missing.” Damian opened the window for the other teen. “Are you sure? Because if you’re not okay-“ Damian shook his head. “I’m perfectly fine, I’ll take care of this and give the information to someone who will be able to confirm what Superman heard."
The young super took a while before leaving, but the fear of his parents finding him gone was bigger. Damian on the other hand was already penning a letter. If the family kept such important information from him, he could too.
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Your day was- tiring. You may have overdone it a bit, studying for finals, the anxiety of giving your artwork in for the diploma, helping with clean up, training, helping Titan clean spaces for more housing- by the time you were done you were exhausted.
When the explosion went off, you didn’t even flinch, the text message from Mark saying “dnt wor abt it” was good enough for you. So, you just continued buying your little snacks and energy drinks for tomorrow and went on your way, floating as you simply couldn’t be bothered with walking.
If you were, perhaps, not as tired as you were, you would have been a little bit more concerned about the swarm of reporters or paparazzi, you couldn’t even try to figure it out. “Madame Sorceress! What is your relationship to Mr. Wayne?” and “Hey! Hey, over here! How do you know Bruce Wayne?!” and a lot of similar questions you couldn’t be bothered to answer. “Sorceress! Why do you have beef with Mr. Wayne?”
Now that stopped your movement. You slowly turned towards the person who asked, squinting at the redhead. “You want that in chronological or alphabetical order?” That seemed to trigger more questions and yelling, but your attention was on your ringing phone. “Sorry folk, I have to take this.” Sluggishly, you flew higher than they could be able to pick up with any listening device and answered. “Sup’ Red-“
Your brows furrowed. “Now they found out?... How much?” Jason just snorted. “B tried to interrogate me and when that didn’t work out, Alfred tried to tug at my emotions. Right under their nose and they’re still not seeing it.” You snort. “You’re creating yourself trouble. Just tell them, not like they can do anything now.” Jason knew, but this- the phone number, the texting, and silly pics, was something the other bats didn’t have access to. It was something only he had, that he didn't have to share with the others. He wants it to stay that way. “Nah, let them stew in it.” Jason snickered. “Whatever, Jailbird. Good night.” You roll your eyes, laughing when he yells that you weren’t supposed to know that.
Tag list: @bat1212 @trashlanternfish360 @shycreatorreview @syrooo @a-lurking-fae @alittletiredcry @kittzu @plsfckmedxddy @blackhood1229 @nxdxsworld @leeiasure @dandelion-delusion @lovebug-apple @sillysealsies @tsxukikami @enchantingarcadecreation @alishii @d3nnji @itsberrydreemurstuff @yuyuzi-ling @welpthisisboring @1abi @mxvoid26 @persephone-kore-law @bluevenus19 @ryuushou @asillysimp @aalunar @cxcilla @sirenetheblogger
A tiny little micro sneak peak of chapter 15 because I feel kind:
Jason was having a terrible week, starting with Ms. “I wouldn’t have been as forgiving if you didn’t die and came back kinder to me” Wayne- well- Grayson? He doesn’t know anymore- he’s close enough to just forging papers that say you’re his biological little sister just to fuck with Bruce.
#dc x invincible#dc crossover#invincible crossover#yandere batfam#yandere batfam x neglected reader#yandere invincible#neglected reader#yandere batfamily#fem!reader#female!reader
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Of course Nicky will never clock Kevin as bisexual. Of course he never clocked andreil as queer. Of course he can't ever see the members of his own community.
As far as we know, Nicky's first time actually being in a big, queer community was the camp. I feel like people overlook this. He was raised baptist, and no matter how gay you turn and how much sinful sex you have, you're always going to be just a product of your environment. The hymns are embedded in your vocal cords. The wine flows through your veins. It's all he's ever known until it suddenly isn't.
I'm pretty sure that he grew up thinking that gay people were only this caricature, this nameless freak, like many of us did. Gay men always dress a certain way, they're annoying, loud, touchy, and lesbians are always disgusting and manly and smelly. This is what he was taught, and there's no indication that he ever grew *out* of this mindset.
Yes, I believe Nicky enjoys a lot of the things he does, but I also think he's portraying the part of who he thinks he *needs* to be. And everything outside of those boundaries is still new and unbelievable. He's still a child, and relatively new to being openly gay.
And he's so proud. He can't think of anyone being anything other than proud of what they are. Nicky sees things as very black and white (completely gay or straight as a rod, hatefucking or about to get married) and probably thinks that if you're not out and proud, you're working with internalized homophobia. He never wanted anything other than to be free, and he cannot even think about the fact that some people don't want that level of fanfare.
He expects anyone who's queer to immediately come and talk to him. He's trying so hard to be the safe, iconic gay that other people can look up to and latch onto. He thinks that the only thing stopping people from screaming their sexuality to the world is homophobia, therefore they would at least tell him.
He doesn't get that people (Andrew, Neil) might just want to keep things private, because, to him, privacy equals secrecy, secrecy equals shame, and, well, there's nothing to be ashamed of!
Or maybe I'm just rambling. Idk guys this is my hot take of the week or whatever
ADDITION: guys I edit it to baptist I'm SORRY for the previous mistake I was sleepy.
ALSO ALSO the fact that he had to choose to be baptized?? That he's being faced with the choice he made and the nature of what he is?? The nature versus nurture themes HELLO?? This man is driving me crazy
#aftg nicky#nicholas hemmick#nicholas aftg#aftg#andreil#all for the game#aftg hc#I'm so sick in the head for queer catholic fuckers#because that's me#anyway do any of you have a saint patron?
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