#we are allowing her to chase her aspirations and make her own decision

[cesium-sheep]

we already talked about it in september and it was an option then for him and the cats and I to stay here for a while while she ran out ahead with a cheap furnished studio. there is no reason that can't be an option in march if it needs to be. I probably won't really be medically stable enough to move and start all over again by june anyway.

I'm very sad and it's all very hard and all I can do is sit here and watch and try to steer her right even though she can't hear me. I just wanna get to be together with my partners and not have to move all the fucking time. that's all I want out of this. (and access to doctors who won't actively make me worse I guess.) but she has Career Aspirations that we're supposed to facilitate however we can, that might put the two of them in different places again.

[thandoluhlengema]

THE OTHER SISTER (through my eyes)

As a student there is a lot of exposure to various aspects of the OT profession which can range from theory to application. The experience of watching a movie of this nature which I’ve never watched has impacted my understanding of OT profoundly. “The Other Sister” is a heartwarming film directed by Garry Marshall, offering a unique perspective on individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities which I have only been exposed to in this current semester. It provides valuable insight into those living with ID and how they live their lives, their struggles, and aspirations. About to follow are my reflections and lessons learnt from the field and how they have influenced my growth as an OT student.

"The Other Sister" shows Carla Tate, a young woman with a mild intellectual disability, and Daniel McMann, a young man facing similar challenges. Their characters highlight that people with disabilities have a wide range of abilities. Carla's determination to live independently, pursue education, and have a romantic relationship demonstrates the strengths and capabilities of individuals often misunderstood due to societal biases of those with disabilities. In OT, I've learned the importance of recognizing everyone's unique strengths, regardless of their disability. This movie emphasized that each person is special, and we shouldn't limit their potential based on preconceived ideas. It taught me to approach clients comprehensively, focusing on their strengths rather than weaknesses, and to tailor interventions accordingly.

Carla and Daniel strongly desire independence. They want to live on their own, make choices, and chase their dreams. As an OT student, I've learned how important it is to help clients, encourage independence and autonomy, regardless of their limitations. The movie highlights the significance of helping individuals with disabilities in developing life skills, social skills, and the ability to make choices. In my third year of OT, I've explored various theoretical frameworks like the Person-Environment-Occupation (PEO) model and the Model of Human Occupation (MOHO). These models stress the dynamic relationship between the person, their environment, and their meaningful occupations. The film reminded me that promoting independence isn't just about an individual's abilities but also about creating a supportive environment that enables and accommodates those abilities.

Carla's family, especially her mother, initially struggled with accepting Carla's desire for independence. But as time passed, they realized how important it was to let Carla lead her own life and make her own decisions. This part of the movie aligns with the idea of family-centeredness and collaboration in occupational therapy. This showed me the importance of involving family in interventions and allowing for open communication so there is understanding of not only the induvial but all dynamics that are impacted. Carla and Daniel's love story serves as the emotional core of the movie. It beautifully portrays the challenges and joys of their relationship, demonstrating that individuals with disabilities can have meaningful and fulfilling romantic lives. This confirmed the importance of addressing emotional and social needs as part of holistic intervention.

To end, "The Other Sister" has been a significant influence on my growth as an OT student. It has motivated me to challenge stereotypes, advocate for independence and autonomy, involve families and partners, and consider the emotional aspects of disability. The movie has motivated me to approach my future practice with empathy, compassion, and a dedication to enhancing the well-being and independence of all individuals, regardless of their abilities or disabilities. I will continue aiming to create a positive impact on the lives of those I serve.

Reference

Hole, R., Schnellert, L., & Cantle, G. (2022). Sex: What is the big deal? Exploring individuals’ with intellectual disabilities experiences with sex education. Qualitative health research, 32(3), 453-464.

[swanlake1998]

Article: Ashton Edwards Is Breaking Down Gender Barriers in Ballet

Date: July 1, 2021

By: Marcie Sillman

When Ashton Edwards was 3 years old, the Edwards family went to see a holiday production of The Nutcracker in their hometown, Flint, MI.

For the young child, it was love at first sight.

"I saw a beautiful, black Clara," Ashton says, "and I wanted to be just like her."

Ashton has dedicated 14 years of ballet training in pursuit of that childhood dream. But all the technical prowess in the world can't help Ashton surmount the biggest hurdle—this aspiring dancer was born male, and for the vast majority of boys and men, performing in pointe shoes hasn't been a career option. But Ashton Edwards, who uses the pronouns "he" and "they," says it's high time to break down ballet's gender barrier, and their teachers and mentors believe this passionate dancer is just the person to lead the charge.

A Childhood in Motion

Ashton's mother, Latisha Edwards, says for as long as she can remember, Ashton, the sixth of seven Edwards siblings, has been in constant motion, dancing on any flat surface in the house. "He'd crash into plates in the kitchen," she laughs. She knew she had to find something to focus all that energy.

The year after the family trip to Nutcracker, when Ashton was just 4 years old, Latisha signed them up for a dance class offered through Flint's Head Start program. Karen Jennings, now chair of the dance division at the Flint School of Performing Arts, ran the Saturday program at the time.

"There was this little guy out in the hallway," Jennings remembers. It was Ashton, and Jennings saw the child was copying the students in her intermediate class.

"I was afraid he was going to fall and crack his head open," she says. "So, I invited him into the studio."

Jennings recognized Ashton's natural flexibility, rotation and body proportions, the physical assets that often propel a hopeful ballet dancer to success. Beyond these gifts, Ashton had what Jennings calls a "spark": the enthusiasm and self-discipline to devote to regular ballet classes. Once the Edwards family decided Ashton would continue ballet training, Jennings was happy to place them in her classes with the more advanced students. She kept a close eye on the aspiring dancer throughout their 12 years in the Flint School of Performing Arts program—though Ashton's journey there wasn't always easy.

Ashton was one of only a handful of boys in the school, and one of very few Black students. And though Ashton never felt treated differently, their keen awareness of being Black in a room full of white dancers created a pressure to excel.

"I've had to be 12 times better than everyone else my whole life," Ashton says. "We have no choice but to be the best if we want to be treated equally."

Finding a Dance Home in Seattle

By the time Ashton was 11 or 12, it became clear they had the raw skills to pursue ballet seriously, and Jennings met with the Edwards family to spell out what that would mean: leaving Flint for more rigorous pre-professional training. Latisha Edwards worried about sending her child out of town, but she supported their decision to enroll in summer classes at both Chicago's Joffrey Ballet and then at Houston Ballet.

Although Jennings believed the Joffrey would be a good long-term fit, at age 16 Ashton decided to audition for Pacific Northwest Ballet's summer intensive. They traveled to Chicago where the Seattle-based dance company was holding a large, regional audition. PNB artistic director Peter Boal says managing director Denise Bolstad spotted Ashton before he did.

"Her eyes got bigger, then she pointed to the name and audition number on the card." Boal immediately saw what Bolstad had noticed in Ashton. "His lines, his energy, his placement."

But something even more special struck Boal: This teenager had the kind of stage presence that's difficult to teach. "There are dancers that you just look at them, and they have their own special spotlight."

Boal offered Ashton a summer spot; despite their mother's qualms about the distance from Flint to Seattle, she let her son travel west, where they fell in love with both PNB and Seattle. After the summer, Boal accepted Ashton into the company's Professional Division training program.

Chasing the Dream of Dancing On Pointe

While the move to PNB made sense in terms of preparation for a professional ballet career, it didn't ensure that Ashton could immediately pursue gender-blind ballet training. In fact, the teenager didn't even consider it at first.

"Growing up I always knew all the choreography for the female roles," Ashton says. "I learned everything, but those were unreachable dreams, just insane fantasies." So, when Ashton first arrived at PNB, they focused on traditional men's classes, and on building strength, to develop into what they call a "man's man."

But the pandemic hit midway through Ashton's first year at PNB. When the ballet school shut down, Ashton had time to reflect on their efforts to fit the male ballet dancer stereotype. At 5' 6" with long, slender limbs and androgynous facial features, they didn't necessarily resemble a Romeo or an Albrecht. And deep down, they still harbored the dream of dancing Juliet or Giselle.

So, during quarantine in the spring and summer of 2020, Ashton embarked on a rigorous self-directed training program. They sought out online pointe technique videos, studying them carefully. A friend gave Ashton her old pointe shoes, and every day they'd go outside to the patio to practice what they'd seen in the videos.

"I was out there for six hours a day, as soon as the sun came out," says Ashton. "And I realized, maybe this dream is possible."

So, last fall Ashton approached Boal and Bolstad with a proposition: The dancer would continue with the official men's curriculum if the school would allow them to pursue pointe classes, as well. And they showed the teachers what they'd learned over the summer.

"I had no hesitation," Boal remembers. "If anyone had said to me 'This student has danced on pointe for just nine months and this is what they're able to do,' I wouldn't believe it!"

The Lewis and Clark of the Ballet World

Since classes resumed last September, Ashton has juggled a rigorous schedule: two days a week they take pointe class with their Professional Division female colleagues; the other three days they're working with the male students, although sometimes they take that class in pointe shoes as well.

Former PNB principal dancer Jonathan Porretta, one of Ashton's instructors, says he never knew his student wanted to dance on pointe until last fall, when Ashton started posting photos to their Instagram account.

Porretta says he has always approached teaching his classes outside male and female roles. For him, ballet is about working toward technique and developing the artist.

For his part, Porretta calls Ashton a "star," someone he believes can help pave a new future for men, and women, in ballet. Porretta says it's time for the art form to loosen its hide-bound gender roles.

"There will be some companies very ready to be thrust into the future of dance, while others are more set in their ways," Porretta says. "But art is here to push boundaries and possibilities."

PNB soloist Joshua Grant agrees. Years ago, when he was a young student, Grant's ballet teacher suggested he take pointe classes to help strengthen his ankles. He loved dancing on pointe, but professionally it didn't seem like an option for him. In 2006, after stints with both PNB and National Ballet of Canada, Grant auditioned for, and was hired by, Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo, the all-male troupe known for its campy send-ups of classic ballets.

"I was told it would be career suicide," Grant recalls, because "men on pointe? That's either drag or comedy."

After five years as a principal dancer with the Trocks, Grant returned to PNB, where he's back to performing traditional male roles and developing his own choreographic career. He's currently creating a dance for Ashton and some of their fellow students, for Next Step, PNB's choreographers' showcase. Ashton will be on pointe. Like Porretta, Grant is excited that a young dancer like Ashton is eager to push to transform a centuries-old art form.

"I told Ashton, 'You're like Lewis and Clark, making your own path,'" Grant says. "'There's no precedent, so do what you want to do.'"

Looking Ahead

Ashton is hoping to embark on a career dancing with companies that will cast them not only in gender-blind contemporary work, but in the traditional roles from ballet's classical canon, everything from Odette/Odile in Swan Lake to the long-coveted Clara in The Nutcracker.

"I want to be part of changing, evolving those traditions to modern day life," says Ashton. "We can preserve those ballets, those classic works, but also make them reflect our modern world."

Boal believes in Ashton's ability to be a ballet change-maker; more than that, he's convinced that ballet has to welcome gender-blind casting and men performing on pointe as more than a novelty act.

"We're not going to laugh at this or point at it," Boal says. "We're going to admire it, and eventually we're not even going to talk about it as something out of the ordinary, as it continues to evolve."

Despite the support Ashton has received in their quest to be a nonbinary professional dancer, landing a job is tough for any ballet student, let alone for a Black dancer. But Ashton professes faith that they can make their dreams come true.

"I just decided, my entire life, this is what I'm going to do. This makes me happy, so I have to do it," Ashton says. "There is no other way I can exist."

[letterboxd]

In Focus: Interstellar.

Inspired by Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar placing high across three notable Letterboxd metrics, Dominic Corry reflects on how the film successfully hung its messaging around the concept of love—and what pandemic responses worldwide could learn from its wholehearted embrace of empathetic science.

“Love isn’t something we invented. It’s observable, it’s powerful. It has to mean something.” —Dr. Amelia Brand (Anne Hathaway)

This story contains spoilers for ‘Interstellar’ (2014).

Although it is insultingly reductionist to both filmmakers, there are many reasons Christopher Nolan is often described as a modern-day Stanley Kubrick. The one most people usually settle on is the notion that both men supposedly make exacting, ambitious films that lack emotion.

It is an incorrect assessment of either director, but it’s beyond amazing that anyone could still accuse Nolan of such a thing after he delivered what is unquestionably his masterwork, the emotional rollercoaster that is 2014’s Interstellar.

In the epic sci-fi adventure drama, Nolan managed to pull off something that many filmmakers have attempted and few have achieved. He told a story of boundless sci-fi scope, and had it be all about love in the end. It sounds cheesy to even write it down, but Nolan did it.

That Interstellar is such an overtly cutting-edge genre film that chooses to center itself so brazenly and unapologetically around love, is frankly awesome.

Love informs Interstellar both metaphorically and literally: the expansive scope of the film effectively represents love’s infinite potential, and love itself ends up being the tangible thread that allows far-flung astronaut Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) to communicate with his Earth-bound daughter Murph (played as an adult by Jessica Chastain) from the tesseract (a three-dimensional rendering of a five-dimensional space) after Cooper enters the black hole towards the end of the film.

Matthew McConaughey as Joseph ‘Coop’ Cooper, Mackenzie Foy as Murph, and Timothée Chalamet as Tom.

In transmitting (via morse code) what the robot TARS has observed from inside the black hole, Cooper provides Murph with the data to solve the gravity problem required to uplift Earth’s population from its depleted home planet. Humanity is saved. Love wins again. Hard sci-fi goes soft. Christopher Nolan’s genius is confirmed, and any notions of emotionlessness are emphatically washed away.

This earnest centering of love in Interstellar is key to the film’s universal appeal, and undoubtedly plays a large role in why it features so prominently in three significant Letterboxd lists determined by pronoun: Interstellar is the only film that appears in all three top tens of “most fans on Letterboxd” when considering members who use the pronoun he/him, she/her and xe/ze. (“Most fans” refers to Letterboxd members who have selected the film as one of the four favorites on their profile.)

To get a bit reductionist myself, sci-fi adventure—in cinema, at least—has traditionally been a masculine-leaning genre, but Interstellar’s placement across these three lists points to it having superseded that traditional leaning, hopefully for the better.

Yet the film reliably still provokes reactions like this delightful tweet:

few movies make me as mad as Interstellar. who the fuck makes 3/4 of an excellent hard sci-fi movie backed up by actual science and then abruptly turns it into soft sci-fi about how the power of love and time traveling bookshelves can save us in the final 1/4? damn you, Nolan

— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing)

February 13, 2021

Although this tweet is somewhat indicative of how many men (and women, for that matter) respond to the film, I think it’s pretty clear the writer actually loves Interstellar wholeheartedly, final quarter and all, but perhaps feels inhibited from expressing that love by the expectations of a gendered society that is becoming increasingly outdated. The “damn you, Nolan” is possibly a concession of sorts—he’s damning how Nolan really made him feel the love at the end. It’s okay, @lukeisamazing, you don’t have to say it out loud.

Conversely, it can be put like this:

“The emotion of Interstellar is three-fold: Nolan’s script, co-written with his brother as with all his best stuff, masters not only notions of black holes, wormholes, quantum data and telemetry, but it also makes a case for love as the one thing—feeling, fact, movement, message—that can mean more and do more than anyone in our current time, on our existing planet, can comprehend.”

The writer of this stirring summation, our own Ella Kemp, is paraphrasing a critical section of the film, when Nolan goes full literal on the concept of love and has Cooper and Dr Amelia Brand (Anne Hathaway) debate its very nature, quoted in part at the top of this story. It comes when the pair are trying to decide which potentially humanity-saving planet to use their dwindling fuel reserves to travel to. Brand is advocating for the planet where a man she loves might be waiting for her, instead of the planet that has ostensibly better circumstances for life.

Brand: “Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that even if we can’t understand it.”

“Love has meaning, yes,” responds Cooper, heretofore the film’s most outwardly love-centric character, exhibiting a stoic longing for his dead wife, while also abandoning his ten-year-old daughter on Earth for a space adventure (albeit one designed to save humanity) than has now inadvertently taken decades. “Social utility. Social bonding. Child rearing.” Ouch.

McConaughey with Anne Hathaway as Dr. Amelia Brand.

Brand: “You love people who have died. Where’s the social utility in that? Maybe it means something more. Something we don’t yet understand. Some evidence, some artefact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. I’m drawn across the universe to someone I haven’t seen in a decade who I know is probably dead. Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that even if we can’t understand it yet.” Amen.

Cooper remains unconvinced by Brand’s rationale, but this dispassionate display presages him going on to realize the true (literal) power of love (and his poor, science-only decision-making—thanks Matt Damon) when it provides him the aforementioned channel of communication with Murph in the tesseract. Nolan has a female character make the most eloquent vocal argument for love, but it’s the male character who has to learn it through experience.

So while Interstellar does initially conform to some prevailing cultural ideas about love and how it supposedly relates to gender, it ultimately advocates for a greater appreciation of the concept that moves beyond such binary notions. That is reflected in how important the film is to Letterboxd members who self-identify as he/him, she/her and xe/ze. We all love this movie. Emphasis on love.

Brand’s speech—not to mention the film as a whole—also can’t help but inform the current global situation. Interstellar argues for a greater devotion to both science and love, in harmony; such devotion might have mitigated the devastating effects of the coronavirus pandemic where both concepts were drastically undervalued by many of those in charge of the response.

Jessica Chastain and Casey Affleck as the grown-up Cooper siblings.

Despite the reactions cited above, responses to Interstellar aren’t always split down gender lines. We’re all allowed to feel whatever we like about it, and substantial variety comes across in the many, many reviews for the film.

Zaidius says Interstellar is so good that, “after watching [it], you will want to downgrade all of the ratings you have ever given on Letterboxd.”

On the other hand, Singlewhitefemalien takes issue with Dr. Brand’s aforementioned love-based decision-making in her two-star review: “She wants to fuckin’ go to Planet Whatever to chase after a dude she banged ten years ago because women are guided by their emotions and love is all you need.” A perhaps fair assessment of the role Nolan chose his sole female astronaut to play in the film?

Sam offers food for thought when he writes “First, you love Interstellar; then you understand Interstellar.”

Letterboxd stalwart Lucy boils it down effectively in one of her multiple five-star reviews of the film: “I needed a really good cry.” It’s hard to say whether Vince is agreeing or disagreeing with Lucy in his review: “Fuck you Matthew McConaughey for making me cry.” The catharsis this movie provides for dudes becomes clearer the deeper you venture into our Interstellar reviews (and I ventured deep): “How dare this fucking movie make me cry… twice,” writes John. Let it out, John.

Then there’s Rudi’s take: “I sobbed like an animal while watching this but I’m not exactly sure what animal it was like. Like a pig? Like a whale? I don’t know but I do know that I cried a whole fucking lot.”

Emotionless? With all this crying?

Christopher Nolan inspires more debate than any other filmmaker of the modern age (when we’re not getting unnecessarily riled up about something Marty has said, that is) and while Nolan has the passionate devotion of millions of viewers, I’d argue he still doesn’t quite get his due. Especially when it comes to Interstellar.

By so successfully using love as both a metaphorical vessel and a palpable plot point in a sci-fi adventure film, he built on notable antecedents like James Cameron’s The Abyss and Robert Zemeckis’ Contact, two (great) films with similar aspirations that didn’t stick the landing as well as Interstellar does. In Contact, McConaughey engages in a similar debate about love to the one quoted above, but notably takes the opposing side.

Steven Spielberg (who at one point was going to direct an earlier iteration of Interstellar) did a pretty good job of showing love as the most powerful force in the universe with E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but there hasn’t been a huge amount of room for such notions in the genre since then.

Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Interstellar’s most obvious forebear, is often accused of being the director’s most brazenly emotionless film. And while that’s perhaps a bit more understandable than some of the brickbats hurled Nolan’s way, there’s more emotion in the character of Hal 9000 than in many major directors’ entire oeuvre. It’s also, in part due to Hal’s place in the examination of queer consciousness in the sci-fi realm, the film currently in the number one spot on the xe/ze list.

Two films that notably exist in Interstellar’s wake are Denis Villeneuve’s Arrival, which expands upon Interstellar’s creative use of time-bending (and like Contact, features a female protagonist) and James Gray’s Ad Astra, which tackles the perils of traditional masculinity with more directness.

Interstellar doesn’t solve the sci-fi genre’s cumbersome relationship with masculinity and gender, but it makes significant strides in breaking down the existing paradigms, if only from all the GIFs of McConaughey crying it has spawned. Its appeal across the gender spectrum is an interesting and encouraging sign of the universality of its themes. And the power of love.

Fans out of touch with their feelings may complain about the role love plays in the film, but that says more about them than it does the film. Love wins. Also: TARS. How could anyone not love TARS?

TARS and Christopher Nolan.

Related content

Men/Boys Crying: a master list

“I Ugly-Cried Like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar”: Amanda’s list

“I Liked Interstellar”: Sar’s list of what to watch afterwards

Follow Dominic on Letterboxd

[0reblogufufu0]

Spoilers Ahead For IPYTM Finale!

Time for the end to this insane ride! Pumped and full of so many feelings of not wanting to let this series go, IPYTM and ITSAY, knowing there will be no season three of continuation and that this is it, but I feel so lucky to have gotten into this series and been along for the good and the bad!  Let’s watch episode five!

Immediately already in the first couple minutes we get a lot of contrast here from the ending of the last episode. Last time, things ended on a very somber note, with both Teh and Oh-aew struggling with their break up. But, here, having time skipped over to their senior year, the first thing we see is a lot of thriving while we’re on Oh-aew’s side.  He’s successful in school as well as in his internship, leading already to other options for him once he graduates, and the scene we get with his friends, is light-hearted as they all lament their tiredness from the work of it all. But, it’s obvious there’s a satisfaction in the work, things have definitely gotten better since last time. Also, the flashcards from ITSAY made an appearance! I always love to see the call backs (though I waited the entire time to see a call back to Oh-aew’s nose thing, and it never did, so a bit disappointed) Something that really solidifies the difference between now and then is Oh-aew’s reaction to Teh, as well as their status as exes. It’s not bitter or hung up, but genuinely happy seeing him succeed enough to be getting TV interviews about his projects, and he says he’s Teh’s ex to his friends without it seeming at all rough, like it’s totally in the past now. It’s really sweet, because the smile Oh-aew gives is so soft you’d think there was nothing between the two that was at all negative.  He’s really grown. But it also goes to show that after everything that happened Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh didn’t divulge into hatred, he’s still wishes him the best and wants him to thrive. But, oh my gosh how that contrasts with Teh’s condition is so great. Like, while Oh-aew is feeling more himself than he ever has, relishing in the life he’d always sought to have, even if some pieces had to be knocked out of place to achieve it, everything is falling apart for Teh in a way he can’t run from this time. When we meet him in his dressing room, just the coloring of the frame shows you the difference. Oh-aew’s space with his friends is vibrant, soft, and bright, while Teh’s is sort of dim, filled with neutral colors and soft lights. He talks with Top about feeling like he doesn’t want to do anything anymore, not his acting work nor his thesis which he’s struggling to come up with an idea for, and it’s a really big deal because Teh’s one consistent aspiration has always been chasing acting as far as he can, but now he’s achieved a relative fame and wants to take a break because the feeling is so not right. He says he feels like he’s missing something, and it’s obvious not just from last episode but from the conversation he has with Oh-aew later that it’s their relationship. Before, even if things were in shambles and changing, Teh could always turn back to Oh-aew being there with him, even if sometimes that was what was so overwhelming was turning back to face his boyfriend who kept on changing, Oh-aew was never missing in his core, but now that he’s basically entirely by himself with nothing feeling good for him to accomplish or strive towards, he feels how important that was now more than ever. I just gotta say wow to the scenes where Teh and Oh-aew meet again for the first time, there’s so much in it just with mannerisms or the way they speak. Oh-aew speaks with confidence, he answers Teh’s questions quickly when he asks them and doesn’t stutter or pause when he goes to ask some of his own. When he talks about Teh’s life he sounds and feels genuinely curious and happy for him in a way he really only can because he’s so sure of himself in it. He knows how he feels, how he felt, how he’s grown from then and that it’s time to move on, and he’s taken steps to do that. He’s really become his own person and it looks great on him. Meanwhile, Teh is awkward, averts his eyes whenever things hit too close to their past and dances around asking what he really wants to ask Oh-aew with stammers or lead on questions (like when he says Oh-aew can bring a plus one to Hoon’s wedding to see if he has a new boyfriend). It always feels like he’s kind of waiting for Oh-aew to say something to let him know he’s still thinking about him, that he feels how Teh does. But, Oh-aew speaks to Teh like they’re old friends, all the while Teh’s eyes linger on Oh-aew when he leaves, when he speaks, he leans in to sniff him when his head is down and he’s desperate to stay with him for as long as he can. It’s obvious what this has done to Teh and watching Oh-aew deny him what he’s looking for makes you feel pity for Teh and proud of Oh-aew all at the same time. It’s super great to watch when the facade breaks sometimes, though. Because, you can definitely see that some of Oh-aew’s confidence is definitely fake it till you make it type. He’s unsure at first whenever Teh makes his way into his space, and you can see how he still isn’t entirely ready or prepared to talk about relationships again with Teh, especially so when it’s revealed Teh broke up with his girlfriend weeks ago because they didn’t share the same thoughts anymore. I also think you can see it in their relationship status’. Though Teh isn’t in a relationship anymore, he’d opened himself up to someone else (though I think it was a Jai thing again, where it was just to have something to cling to which was familiar), while Oh-aew is single, turning away any chance of relationship (even when his friend hints to subtly liking him) even while he acts as though he is over Teh. It brings up bitter memories and Oh-aew ends up going deep into scolding Teh for not having fought harder for her or changed himself some to fit her when she couldn’t for him, it’s all spoken like he’s asking Teh why he didn’t do those things for him, like he’s telling him what exactly he wanted Teh to do for him when things got hard instead of what happened. But things ends on a warm note for their meeting, even if it’s obvious their both healing, they’re definitely not in any way holding resentment for the other, but rather a regret that seems to hang over both their heads for how things turned out, or a disappointment. Now, I just want to say, the play thing was a bad idea. Not just for showing to Oh-aew but also the play just seemed so bland? Like a spoken autobiography lacking a ton of context, I’m not sure Teh is passing with that work. But, for Teh, too, it was such a bad idea to force all that on Oh-aew. He thought it would be like a apology to Oh-aew through the play, that he’d be able to convey all his feelings in a way that wouldn’t have to be spoken recklessly in the moment and that Oh-aew would be able to understand him better, but again, he’s acting selfishly. He’s thinking about what he wants Oh-aew to see, what he wants him to hear, to understand and to even feel towards him but he never thinks maybe Oh-aew doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, or doesn’t want to get back together even if he does. Teh has spent all his waking hours feeling like something is missing without Oh-aew then becomes completely enamored with him all over again when they meet in person for the first time, it’s hard for him to believe Oh-aew hasn’t spent as much time on him as he has on Oh-aew, that he didn’t want everything to turn out differently and for them to still be together. But, Oh-aew has spent his time away from Teh trying his best to move on from him, to work himself into a place he can be happy for himself and for Teh without having those things be exclusive or his memories bitter, he’d been focusing on his gains and relishing in them, all up until Teh comes to crash the party with his presence and Oh-aew struggles not to fall back into him and what they had before, what he felt before when it ended. Still, he shows up to support Teh on his play when he receives a ticket, he’s being supportive and isn’t pushing Teh away or forcing the past on him when they meet, still, Teh forces his feelings on Oh-aew, what he felt again seeing him for the first time, his regrets, his struggles, and it’s all selfish even if he frames it in a way of wanting to make up to Oh-aew. He obviously doesn’t mean it as such, but it is the truth of the matter. It takes little for him to go back into the relationship because Oh-aew didn’t hurt him. He doesn’t have to make the decision to trust him again, trust his love, trust what he says about him because that was never a doubt for him, but Oh-aew has to think about those things in order to open himself up again. Bas was so cute when he showed up I screamed silently into the night because he is so baby faced I just want to squish his cheeks and hug him! He comes back to serve as some advice for Oh-aew on whether or not to take Teh back after he tells Teh he doesn’t want to get back together in the parking lot during the play. They talk about whether or not things can get better if you get back together after a break up and if Oh-aew’s feelings for Teh are good enough to warrant them getting back together or if there’s something better for him out there, whether he should allow Teh to ‘win’ by seeing he is still hung up over him or if moving on is better for his own sake. It’s short, but I’m just glad we get to see Bas. The scene feels weird a little, since we just saw Oh-aew having such an emotional reaction to the question of getting back together and now he is considering it, but I think it can be tied up to his feelings coming crashing down on him after he meets Teh again after all that time and even more so once he has to relive the failure of their relationship, so he’s stuck and conflicted with all these feelings on hand. This feeling of the revelation not exactly feeling right lasts all the way to the end, when they do get back together, because though it’s been built to for a little, we don’t even get the entire episode for it because they had so much to do this finale. But, okay, whatever, alright, I can’t stay mad at it. I love Oh-aew, I love Teh, I love ITSAY, I love IPYTM, there are flaws in all of those, but I love them still, I’m happy we got a happy ending, really. I was happy to see Teh’s mom again and Hoon, because they’re both a delight, was glad to see Teh’s friends and Khim making an appearance at the end, too. There are many upsets with how things padded out in them getting back together, especially the scene where it all comes together, because though I like Teh listening to Oh-aew, it skims over a lot of the issues we see reoccuring from before in this episode, so who can say if their relationship will be okay from here or not. I personally feel they may break up again but will not be able to stay from one another, so they may not be able to actually settle down until they’re old and grey and know each other best to avoid what has caused them trouble time and time again. Anyway, this was a ride and I definitely won’t stop talking about this forever, but yeah, it was the end! Goodbye to the crew, and the show, I’m gonna miss them so much and will think of them every time I play Skyline on my kalimba (it hits so different hearing the song this episode knowing how to play it now) and eat anything with coconuts or smell them, or see red and blue, or draw the sunset or when there’s a full moon or their songs come up on my playlist. I’ve accomplished a lot because of this series, accomplished a lot during, and I appreciate it so much. I always give so much grief to people blinded by nostalgia, but this is my exception, because I will always think positively of this series despite it all. Good bye! I am going to miss making time for this on thursdays and writing these at ungodly times of the morning! Thank you to all who worked on the series and read these reviews, I’ll miss it all! <3

[jedimaesteryoda]

The Reader: the Crow’s Eye’s True Nemesis

Lord Rodrik “the Reader” Harlaw is introduced in Asha’s first POV. He is her (favorite) maternal uncle, and good-brother to the late Lord of Pyke (as well as possibly the eponym for Balon’s firstborn son). He is the Lord of Ten Towers, Lord of Harlaw. 

Lord Rodrik was seldom seen without a book in hand, be it in the privy, on the deck of his Sea Song, or whilst holding audience. Asha had oft seen him reading on his high seat beneath the silver scythes. He would listen to each case as it was laid before him, pronounce his judgment . . . and read a bit whilst his captain-of-guards went to bring in the next supplicant . . .  Lord Rodrik Harlaw was neither fat nor slim; neither tall nor short; neither ugly nor handsome. His hair was brown, as were his eyes, though the short, neat beard he favored had gone grey. All in all, he was an ordinary man, distinguished only by his love of written words, which so many ironborn found unmanly and perverse.

-A Feast for Crows, The Kraken’s Daughter

Rodrik is indistinguishable as far as physical appearance goes. He possesses neither the muscular frame of a warrior like Victarion, a handsome face like Jaime Lannister or even a disability or disfigurement like Tyrion. He is very unremarkable and uncharismatic, a guy who couldn’t stand out in a crowd as opposed to the handsome, charismatic Euron. 

What truly distinguishes him is that instead of being a hyper-masculine warrior who likes to pay the iron price and has a gung-ho attitude towards the Old Way, he is, as his sobriquet suggests, a bibliophile in an anti-intellectual warrior culture that disdains reading, likely due to its association with greenlanders. 

He also happens to be the guy who is always right: stating to Asha that she won’t win the kingsmoot, the Old Way is dead, that Euron’s plans to sail to Slaver’s Bay and attack the Reach were bad ideas, etc. Hell, his advice to Asha to read Haereg actually provides her the tool she needs to effectively overturn the decision of the kingsmoot.

One must also note his sigil: a scythe. While the scythe is often associated with the personification of death in popular culture, Death AKA the Grim Reaper, one must remember that, unlike the sword which is designed solely for war, the scythe is actually a farmer’s tool used for harvesting grain. The scythe stands in direct contrast to the House Greyjoy words “We Do Not Sow.” It fits with Harlaw being the most fertile of the Iron Isles, and the Reader’s more peaceful, constructive approach as opposed to the Greyjoys’ purely martial approach.

"Asha, my two tall sons fed the crabs of Fair Isle."

-A Feast for Crows, The Kraken’s Daughter

“The Old Way served the isles well when we were one small kingdom amongst many, but Aegon's Conquest put an end to that. Balon refused to see what was plain before him. The Old Way died with Black Harren and his sons . . . his dream of kingship is a madness in our blood. I told your father so the first time he rose, and it is more true now than it was then. It's land we need, not crowns. With Stannis Baratheon and Tywin Lannister contending for the Iron Throne, we have a rare chance to improve our lot. Let us take one side or the other, help them to victory with our fleets, and claim the lands we need from a grateful king."

-A Feast for Crows, The Kraken’s Daughter

His attitude towards the Old Way is the opposite of the general revanchist attitude seen among Ironborn like the Greyjoy brothers. He sees it as a bygone relic of a distant past that no longer works in the present. He knows the dream of Iron Islands independence is a pipe dream. Part of it is the personal losses he suffered in the Greyjoy Rebellion. He lost both his sons in that war, his sisters ended up going mad after Gwynesse lost her husband and Alannys lost her two eldest sons and her youngest was taken as a hostage. 

Moving from that, and showing keen political acumen, he sees an opportunity for the Iron Islands to take advantage of to improve their situation. He suggests the Ironborn use their fleets as political leverage to gain some land on the mainland, which for millennia had been an Ironborn aspiration. During the reign of Qhored the Cruel, the Ironborn had an empire on the western coast that extended from Bear Island to the Arbor. The reign of the Hoare kings from Harwyn to Harren Hoare had them ruling the riverlands. These conquests provided the Ironborn with the resources that their small, rocky islands lacked with their holdings in the fertile riverlands and Reach providing them grain and foodstuffs, and even the poor Bear Island providing an access point for timber, the essential raw material in shipbuilding. Even Balon’s plan involved that aspect with regards to conquering the North. The Reader suggests gaining land on the mainland not through conquest, which in Ironborn history has always shown to be short-lived, but through diplomacy, a grant via negotiations with a king on the Iron Throne. This would allow them to have holdings on the mainland, but in a more stable and permanent manner than in the past given their dominion would be state-sanctioned. 

Also, let’s look at a scene in Victarion’s last POV in A Feast for Crows. 

In the yard Victarion came on Gorold Goodbrother and old Drumm, speaking quietly with Rodrik Harlaw.

-The Reaver

The Reader is noted to be talking with the Lords Goodbrother and Drumm. What do we know of them?

Gorold Goodbrother is Lord of Hammerhorn on Great Wyk. His fief is removed from the coast of Great Wyk, with much of his wealth being derived from his mines rather than the sea. He holds his maester in such high regard that he refused to let Damphair send him away.

Dunstan Drumm is Lord of Old Wyk. He is also one of the failed candidates at the kingsmoot.

What’s more, the fact that they are "speaking quietly” suggests that they are trying to avoid being heard. Just what could they be discussing? After, they were spotted talking, Rodrik and Dunstan voice their concerns about Euron’s taking of the Shield Islands and inviting the wroth of House Tyrell. The Reader was likely making alliances with other dissenting lords, and building a political base of his own.

Then, there is this scene later in the chapter when Euron proposes sailing the entire Ironborn fleet to Slaver’s Bay. Rodrik challenges his plan with facts. 

"When?" The voice was Lord Rodrik's. "When shall we return, Your Grace? A year? Three years? Five? Your dragons are a world away, and autumn is upon us." The Reader walked forward, sounding all the hazards. "Galleys guard the Redwyne Straits. The Dornish coast is dry and bleak, four hundred leagues of whirlpools, cliffs, and hidden shoals with hardly a safe landing anywhere. Beyond wait the Stepstones, with their storms and their nests of Lysene and Myrish pirates. If a thousand ships set sail, three hundred may reach the far side of the narrow sea . . . and then what? Lys will not welcome us, nor will Volantis. Where will you find fresh water, food? The first storm will scatter us across half the earth."

A smile played across Euron's blue lips. "I am the storm, my lord. The first storm, and the last. I have taken the Silence on longer voyages than this, and ones far more hazardous. Have you forgotten? I have sailed the Smoking Sea and seen Valyria."

"Have you?" the Reader asked, so softly.

Euron's blue smile vanished. "Reader," he said into the quiet, "you would do well to keep your nose in your books."

-The Reaver

While clearly not the kind of guy who goes looking for a fight, he is no coward either, given it takes guts to basically call Euron a liar to his face in front of everyone. With a simple question, he manages to be the only person to visibly get under Euron’s skin. It’s the only time we ever see Euron lose his cool as he basically responds by threatening Rodrik. 

"Are we slavers now?" asked the Reader. "And for what? Dragons that no man here has seen? Shall we chase some drunken sailor's fancy to the far ends of the earth?"

His words drew mutters of assent. "Slaver's Bay is too far," called out Ralf the Limper. "And too close to Valyria," shouted Quellon Humble. Fralegg the Strong said, "Highgarden's close. I say, look for dragons there. The golden kind!" Alvyn Sharp said, "Why sail the world, when the Mander lies before us?" Red Ralf Stonehouse bounded to his feet. "Oldtown is richer, and the Arbor richer still. Redwyne's fleet is off away. We need only reach out our hand to pluck the ripest fruit in Westeros."

"Fruit?" The king's eye looked more black than blue. "Only a craven would steal a fruit when he could take the orchard."

"It is the Arbor we want," said Red Ralf, and other men took up the cry. The Crow's Eye let the shouts wash over him. Then he leapt down from the table, grabbed his slattern by the arm, and pulled her from the hall.

Fled, like a dog. Euron's hold upon the Seastone Chair suddenly did not seem as secure as it had a few moments before.

-The Reaver

The Reader is able to successfully get the whole room on his side in opposing Euron’s plan to sail for Slaver’s Bay with Euron effectively losing control of the situation, and fleeing the scene. While Euron was always able to effectively dispatch his fellow Greyjoys from his brothers to his niece, Rodrik manages to succeed in politically outmaneuvering him. He managed to go up against the man who decisively won the kingsmoot and win. The Reader is clearly no warrior, but he manages to be a skilled politician. 

Euron has a formidable rival in Rodrik Harlaw. Unlike Euron’s fellow Greyjoys, Rodrik commands his own seat that can be used to oppose Euron. Harlaw being the most populous and wealthiest of the Iron Isles also effectively makes the Reader the most powerful lord on the Iron Isles. Rodrik’s vast store of knowledge from a lifetime of reading allows him to be the man who pulls Euron’s curtain, with actual facts being the antidote to Euron’s tricks. Not only that, but Harlaw has enough skills as a politician to potentially build a coalition to oppose Euron. 

We shall see where it leads as the series goes on. 

[definegodliness]

Petty and stiff-bourgeois

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I sink back in my chair to remember the pre-internet age. Not because those days were better, hell no, but because it was so much easier to put things into perspective. Nowadays, I’ve noticed that some of the eighteen-forties narratives posted would make me groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, soft and prolonged. It got that bad. So I had to find an antidote. And so I think of the times when a brand new national dictionary would come out. Because when a brand new national dictionary came out, you’d shortly after always get a sent in letter in the newspaper.

Now the newspaper and I go way back. I know I was a weird kid for reading them. But I always, and still do, loved the smell of inky paper. Some people like the smell of gasoline, this is my tic. Back in the day I loved its stern black and white aesthetics as well, and I do think newspapers ruined themselves by colour printing, just like churches ruined themselves by adding central heating. Churches should be cold. I’m not even religious, but there can be no discussion. How else will people feel small and humbled? Get your comfort at home, sinner. This place has been surrendered to the elements. The way God intended. Discomfort keeps you on your toes, and so newspapers should be large, printed in black and white, and without those convenient staples in the middle keeping it together, because the truth is large, clumsy, and uncomfortable. 

Truth should stain your fingers.

Those newspapers made me study Journalism, right around the time old media extinguished. During that time, one thing happened that to this day baffles me still. Imagine this: a class of say twenty-five aspiring journalists, asked if they’d rather be sold dry facts or opinions, and all but I preferred to be sold opinions. I argued that one needs the dry facts to shape an opinion, and they all looked at me as if they saw water burning. And I remember the vacant stares when I mentioned I actually liked doing the effort to shape my own opinion. I have rarely felt so alien and misunderstood in my life. What happened to ‘the fly on the wall’? I wondered. The teacher chuckled. 

He was glad ‘we’ still had a purist. 

So that day I decided New-Age Journalism wasn’t for me. And, despite the nostalgia, I gradually stopped reading newspapers, like the rest of the world. Knowing the type of people who’d write what I was consuming of course didn’t help. But in the end I simply stopped reading because the truth had turned convenient, small, biased, and comfortable to whatever your affiliation is. To get a snippet of reality, I had to buy at least four different opinion pushers, which I did, and then puzzle my way toward the golden mean. It became such a chore I found myself solely enjoying the funnies, and, of course, the sent in letters.

When the internet gets to me with people displaying next-level pettiness and stiff-bourgeois demeanour, I think of what once was the rarest and most hilarious breed of human. You see, every time a brand new national dictionary would come out, there’d be sent in letters of people complaining about a myriad of words that our youth and good town folk in all decency should never be allowed to read. Cuss words, of course, but also words as uninspiring and plastic as ‘penis’, ‘vagina’, and ‘bosom’. Not to mention ‘scrotum’, or ‘nipple’. They’d go apeshit over ‘apeshit’, and in displaying their fifty shades of rigid fanaticism they’d become so grim, so helplessly humourless, that of course the contents of their letters became hilarious. 

Boob is not a funny word per se, well, it’s kind of funny, but there is little more absurdistically enjoyable than the word ‘boob’ leaving the pen of a sourpuss in genuine disgust.

There are, and have always been, people so petty and stiff-bourgeois that they’d go through the lengths of buying the latest edition of a dictionary on the first day of publishing to then immediately dedicate hours of their time, locked up in the study to remain undisturbed, executing a self-imposed divine calling. Taking their trusty and angry red pencil to tag, count, and mercilessly comment upon commonly used words. Words sometimes distilled to their driest version, leaving no synonym at all to describe for instance a bodily feature. The entire endeavour demands such tenacity and dedication in maintaining that level of maddened outrage that you cannot convince me there isn’t a moment somewhere halfway the process they’re thinking:

“What am I doing?!”

The must consciously ans repetitively shush that voice of reason. Then, after all that, they manage to go even further. Let’s zoom out for a second to appreciate the absurdity of the situation. Someone who has just finished scouring the dictionary for words deemed immoral, utilising a standard that would put even the most dedicated puritan to shame, now sits behind their desks and takes the time to write an actual handwritten letter utilising their freshly and painstakingly gathered information. Enraged, I reckon, for the red lettered filth by their own hand written. And this is the frame of mind in which they probably read it over a couple of times, checking for spelling mistakes, therefore unable to see the undeniable irony of writing all these words they condemn so deeply, for people all over the country to read. This should be another chance to favour a moment of reflection. However, they are already in too deep, and now can only live with themselves thinking the end justifies the means.

Then there’s the moment when they walk downstairs proudly waving that letter, already in its envelope.

“Debra, I’m gonna tell ‘em!”

And Debra also doesn’t offer a voice of reason. Debra doesn’t even look up from her crossword puzzle and says:

“That’s nice, honey.”

And so they walk on. Toward the mailbox. With a letter of Don Quixote-like insanity that bears their full name and address as a sign of sacred dedication. And even then I reckon they still could be sobered up by the fresh air, experiencing a moment of clarity, actually seeing the ridiculousness of the entire situation. Another chance at self-reflection. And then still, lastly, there is still one moment of possible hesitation and contemplation left, the moment where they slide that letter into the mailbox’s slit and fate is finally out of their hands.

These people exist.

There are around eight decision making moments in this what is the shortest summary of necessary circumstances wherein the windmill chasing self-proclaimed virtuous crusader decides against better judgement. Eight decision making moments in an entire day of living dedicated to removing the word ‘nipple’ from the national dictionary’s latest edition. That was then. And this was when solely the utmost madly bigoted, self-righteous, and oblivious otherworldly specimen of human could seep through the filters of media consumption. Offered a platform for nothing other than editorial shits and giggles. 

Now these people have internet:

Write, post.

Two decision making moments. And when the internet gets to me with narratives belonging to the eighteen-forties, I think of all the like-minded martyrs who in the time of ancient media went through all those steps aforementioned, only to bail out at the very last second of actually dropping off that dumb-ass letter in the mailbox. I think of the time when seven chances at contemplation was enough to save us from a mind-numbing display of mental deterioration. I imagine how vast this stiff-bourgeois crowd gets with every fewer necessary step. When the threshold has been lowered to merely two moments of chanced contemplation and reasoning.

When I sink back in my chair and groan like a dog growls when a random person passes the window, I make myself remember that who we are dealing with are non-threatening, hilarious crazies. Red pencil wielding dictionary condemners who have been shaken free from the threshold of effort. And I think we all tend to forget that. We forget to laugh at them. Laugh at them with all our hearts, shaking our heads simultaneously. We forget we are witnessing rarities. And must not allow ourselves to be cursed into taking the windmill chasers riding under the flag of anonymity seriously. When we forget to laugh at human absurdity, we become part of the joke ourselves. So let’s go out and wield some ‘lol’s and ‘tears of joy’-emojis.

[drifting-mindspace]

Things we deserved to get from the Naruto manga and anime that we never got -

• JONIN NARUTO -

We followed him around as the lovable Genin knucklehead. Now it goes without saying that him being a Jonin is just a rank and honestly doesnt mean much. Rescuing Gaara, going after Kakuzo, Mount Miyaboku were all A & S-rank missions.

But I would liked to have seen him doing missions post war in a slightly more mature yet typically knuckleheaded manner instead of the passing phrase he made tonShikamaru about being too busy doing missions for the next 6 months.

We grew up with Naruto and now that he's older and stronger we dont get to see him in action.

• A Happily Married Kakashi & Shizune- 

Hatake Kakashi has led a deeply traumatic life. His mother died when he was very young, his father committed suicide when he was 6 causing him to distance himself from everyone around him. The first person he opened up to and formed a bond with died moments later protecting him, the girl he deeply cared for and probably harbored feelings for which he was too afraid to confront died at his hands as he desperately tried to protect her, a year later his sensei died protecting the village. When he became a sensei to Team 7 he felt he was on a path to finding inner peace by ensuring these children avoid his traumas but his prized pupil went rogue shattering that hope. After all this I’d hoped he would’ve finally found a happy ending.

Why Shizune? Well I considered him and Kurenai getting together and him helping raise Mirai but Shizune has always felt like the only Kunoichi in Konoha who has her shit together. She is perfectly at peace with where she is in life. She is incredibly mature and level headed as she helps run the village with Tsunade. Someone who is at peace with herself and her aspirations is the perfect anchor for a man with a whirpool of trauma brewing in him.

Alas it seems like the showrunners have no intention of a romantic arc for Kakashi and the Hatake name will die with Kakashi.

• The Uzumaki Clan

Within a span of 3 months Naruto meets 3 Uzumaki clan members. Nagato, Karin and his own mother. While speaking with Kushina he finds out about the dark fate of the Uzumaki clan. How they were blessed with unimaginably high chakra reserves and were gifted in Sealing Jutsus, longevity and how it led to them being targeted by those who feared them leading to their village being wiped out and scattered across the shinobi world.

Instead of turning the Naruto saga into the Uchiha Chronicles Id have preferred a deep dive into the Uzumaki clan. Maybe even have a Sasuke-like venegeful figure who wants Konoha to suffer because they failed to provide aid to the village they called their strong allies in their greatest hour of need.

Like Sasuke this villain would’ve witnessed his fellow clansmen cut down, unlike Sasuke however he wouldn’t have had the likes of Naruto, Itachi or Kakashi to anchor him in the light leaving room for redemption.

This could have been the one villain that was so far gone in his pain and hatred that no amount of 'talk no jutsu' could have changed his mind and would've pushed Naruto to the very brink until he finally had to choose between killing his clansman or protecting his village.

Naruto would make the ultimate sacrifice for Konoha and this would all the more set his resolve to pulling Sasuke back from the darkness or dying with him.

An Uzumaki villain gifted in Fuijutsu and the use of the Uzumaki Kekkei Genkai, the Adamantine Chains along with massive chakra reserves would be the perfect power scaled villain for Post Pain Arc Naruto.

Instead we got Uchiha chronicles where everyone did whatever the fuck they thought of doing and chakra limits were all but history. This one really disappointed me. Which brings me to my next disappointment.

• Naruto Killing a Villain

Now I know it seems like an odd hang up. Naruto? Kill? But he is so fixated on redemption. That is exactly why I wanted this to happen. The series has gone out of its way to make sure Naruto hasn’t killed a character. The worst of it was against Kakuzu. The kind of attack unleashed upon Kakuzu SHOULD by all means have killed him. Yet somehow he was left in a ‘dying state’ and Kakashi was the one who did the deed. 

Naruto being forced to kill a villain as a last resort and making a choice between saving someone dear to him or tainting his hands with blood was the ultimate moral conundrum for a shinobi whose biggest goal was rescuing his best friend from the dark. It would take him back to Itachi’s words where he asked Naruto what he would if Sasuke decided to destroy the village.

Instead we saw Rasen Shuriken and Rasengan getting scaled down to a point where they always injure and opponent but not kill him. For an S-rank jutsu, Rasen Shuriken happens to be quite lenient.

• Neji beoming the head of the Hyuuga Clan

This pisses me off the most. Neji was supposed to be to the Hyuuga was Naruto was to Konoha. I always expected Neji to overcome all the obstacles and get recognized by Hiashin who would then redeem himself and disband the branch system once and for all. Hiashin as a character was never redeemed. Here was a man who let his brother get executed to avoid punishment (albeit he was against it but it did happen), constantly abused his kind daughter and belittled her for being too soft and put her down to a point her personality was underdeveloped and she had deep seethed confidence issues.

Disbanding the branch system and making Neji the leader would redeem him in the eyes of the readers/ viewers and would clean up the Hyuuga clan.

Instead Neji was scrapped aside to give Naruto and Hinata a bonding moment. They had a bonding moment, it was when she almost died saving his life. Neji didn’t have to die for them to get together ffs. What a wasted potential.

• NaruSaku

Now I’m not a fanatic shipper. In fact when I read and watched the original series I absolutely HATED Sakura. My hatred for her reached it’s peak during the Zabuza arc when Naruto ran at the S-rank villain, got kicked away and got up to show he went in for his forehead protector. “What do you think you’re doing Naruto? Even Sasuke-kun wasn’t a match for him.” I just wanted Naruto to turn around and tell her to stfu in that moment. As the series approached the time skip I was well and truly content with NaruHina.

But Shippuden changed things. The hints towards Sakura’s changed feelings were sprinkled all over the series. One moment that stands out for me was the Clone Training arc where Sai tests her by abusing Naruto and she goes on a rage rant about how great he is. Let’s not forget that in her darkest hour, as she saw a ruined and destroyed village the only person she thought of and cried out to was Naruto. Not because she felt he could save the village (she was as shocked as Shikamaru as she found out he was facing pain alone) but because when things when bad for her the only person who she felt comfort around was indeed Naruto and that is indisputable.

She goes as far as ruining her friendship with Naruto, a bond she truly cherished as it was all she had left after Sasuke abandoned the village, and confessed her feelings to manipulate him. Yes manipulative, scheming and downright a bitch of a thing to do. But it was all she could think of to make Naruto stop chasing after Sasuke. She, more than anyone wanted to see Naruto become a Hokage and realize his dreams and dying while rescuing Sasuke was a risk she couldn’t take and she decided she’d have him hate her than die. Wrong yes. But oddly noble.

This combined with all the blatant attempts to establish her being like Kushina and Kushina saying she wants Naruto to find someone like her changed my mind from NaruHina. I still adore Hinata. She is a wonderful character. But organic plot progression is far more important to me than my ships being canon.

A Naruto-Sakura family would’ve been incredibly entertaining and the dynamics would be perfect. We’d see a Minato-Kushina couple on screen for the next series. Which brings me to my next disappointment.

•HinaShino

I don’t know if that’s the official name for the pairing but I always felt these 2 would make a great couple.They are both people of a few words and are both incredibly intuitive and understanding individuals. Shino would accept Hinata for who she was and vice versa. Being with someone who was happy with the person they were would go miles in helping them come out of their shells.

Altho this isn’t a massive disappointment for me. I’m happy that Hinata ended up with Naruto. But like I said organic plot progression matters to me and if Naruto ended up with Sakura I’d prefer Hinata to end up with Shino.

•Hiraishin No Jutsu

Sadly as the series progressed Naruto had become so OP that not letting him master his father’s improved version of Tobirama’s jutsu was a great decision. It would’ve just made him senselessly OP. 

However instead of giving him all those God Tier power ups which he just gains in single training sessions I’d have preferred him working hard to master the Hirashin. Instead of sending him off to an island and treating him like a fucking idiot and asking him to survey animals I’d have preferred if Tsunade gave him an impossible task.

“You can’t fight in the battle. But I will only allow it if you can master your father’s jutsu.”

It was a period of 6 months between Danzo’s death and the start of the shinobi war. Ample time to show him training hard to learn a jutsu that for once required him to study. Hiraishin deals not just in physical acts of speed but also mastering seals.  Seeing his friends go off to fight in the war as he was left behind would have only added to his frustration and motivated him more.

Showing Naruto training hard like they showed him training for Rasen Shuriken would’ve only made us cheer all the more harder when he’d make a badass entry on the battle field as Tobi came close to killing Kakashi and a three pronged Kunai swished between the two, an orange flash appeared and Naruto kicked Tobi away.

Sadly this was swapped for Pokemon evolutions where arc after arc Naruto levels up just like that. The show’s entire premise was based on hard work and guts.

Sasuke was the genius who gained his power through natural ability. Sure he trained hard but his strength came to him with ease. Naruto had to slog. He manged to make the Rasengan after nearly 15 episodes of training and even then he had to get stabbed to be able to use it. It wasn’t until another 10 episodes that he properly used it. His training for the Rasenshuriken took an entire season to yield results and even then he didn’t learn to throw it until he trained for another 3 seasons till the Pain arc.

Post pain all this is tossed aside. He sits at the waterfall twice and beats the darkness. He sits in the room once and tames Kurama. Later Kakashi and Guy are in trouble, he has an inner dialogue with Kurama and suddenly he mastered the two man team with no prior training. Rikkodu Sennin touches him once and suddenly he’s learnt how to grow eyes, stop death and fly just like that.

The series stopped being the Naruto series we grew up with post Danzo and it saddens me.

• Naruto Sensei - 

And finally my last and greatest disappointment of all. Not seeing Naruto as a sensei. We’ve seen glimpses of his nurturing side in his interactions with Konohamaru but I’d have loved to have seen 40-50 episodes of him leading his own squad of genins. A perfect combination of Kakashi and Guy as he’d wow them with his brilliance and equally embarrass them in day to day interactions with his goofy tomfoolery. His genins would be in awe of him. Naruto Sensei - the hero of the war. 

His students could have an arrogant son/daughter of a feudal lord who insisted he be trained by the war hero, Naruto and Kakashi had to cave in for diplomatic reasons. Naruto refuses to take anyone who doesn’t work hard to get where they are but after the bell test sees potential in the child. A child with no ninja background. His parents were farmers outside of Konoha who were very poor. His sole aim is to be a ninja so strong that he’s always assigned big missions that will help him ease his family’s financial burdens. A genin from the Inuzuka clan (or any other clan, maybe even Hanabi if the show wanted to push more Naruto-Hinata interactions) who thinks he’s better than the other 2 because of his family background but is taught humility by Naruto.

Sadly another development in Naruto’s life we were denied.

Well that’s my rant essay. I know a lot of people won’t agree with what I had to say but I wanted to get it off my best anyway. Why? 

Because I wanted to dattebayo!

[insanitysscribblings]

Back To Us: Reading Map

Someone asked for it AGES ago, so finally, here it is! I tried to minimize spoilers as much as possible just in case new readers happen across this. Hope it helps! <3 (Under a readmore because it’s FUCKIN’ LONG [but who is surprised at this point?])

Chapter One: Prologue

Ladybug and Chat Noir are doing their hero thing when an unforeseen tragedy splits them apart. Marinette struggles with her identity as a hero and Adrien flees the country in the wake of tragedy.

Chapter Two: Seven Years Later...

What it says on the tin. We get a glimpse into an older Marinette as an aspiring fashion student who comes across a grown-up Adrien by chance. As she plots the details of a fashion competition, and laments the state of her internship, an akuma attacks Paris for the first time in seven years. Ladybug appears to deal with the issue, only to discover that Chat Noir has returned as well.

Chapter Three: Strangers pt. 1

Ladybug enlists Chat’s help to take down the akuma, only to discover that his heroic philosophies have skewed over the years. Meanwhile, Marinette seeks to impress Adrien with her fashion prowess, only to be sorely disappointed by his cold response.

Chapter Four: Strangers pt. 2

Ladybug and Chat Noir clash as they deal with an akuma close to home. Adrien makes a date with Ladybug. Later, Ladybug and Chat Noir argue about the past, the present, and the future. (Yes, this is the chapter where @edendaphne​‘s comic comes into play.) Marinette finds the courage to stand up to Adrien and assert her boundaries with him.

Chapter Five: Enigma

Marinette decides to start training for akuma attacks. She runs into Adrien (literally) and they jog to a bakery where Marinette’s parents proceed to embarrass her. Marinette seeks hero/boy advice from her old master. Adrien’s date with Ladybug doesn’t go as he hoped.

Chapter Six: Guardian

With Alya’s help, Marinette finds a way to push past recent distractions and start developing ideas for her own fashion line. Marinette’s boss interrupts by sending her to retrieve her wayward assistant Felix. As Marinette goes hunting for him, she comes across a terrifying scene at Master Fu’s. As he recovers, he puts her in charge of very important things. Symone, Marinette’s boss, becomes a hypocrite.

Chapter Seven: Autograph

Marinette struggles with her decision to let her boss plagiarize from her. Eventually, she decides it isn’t worth it. Adrien indirectly makes fun of her for never signing a card years ago.

Chapter Eight: Ruined

Marinette adjusts to life without her internship as well as working without Chat Noir. She and Desiree talk shop, and she becomes suspicious of Felix (not for the first time). During an akuma attack, Marinette gives Chat Noir a piece of her mind, and then shames Paris as Ladybug for being callous towards an akumatized victim. She indirectly pleads for Chat Noir to return to her, but he rejects her.

Chapter Nine: Friends

Adrien and Nino have an unpleasant reunion. This bothers Adrien so much that Marinette has to have a late-night intervention with him that carries into the next morning, when they go to see a familiar face for professional help.

Chapter Ten: Recovery pt. 1

Adrien begins the slow road to recovery. At one point, Nino gives him the business for the way their friendship ended...but leaves the door open to said friendship, just in case. Marinette gets her second jogging gift from Adrien (this is a thing).

Chapter Eleven: Recovery pt. 2

Adrien struggles with his new philosophy on akumatized victims, only for his resolve to crumble when he sees too much of himself in a bruised little girl hiding behind borrowed power. Conflicted, Adrien flees to his therapist and confesses perhaps more than is advised. Nevertheless, Nino welcomes him back into the fold. Marinette gains a clue about a hidden ally. Later, Nino gets a super surprise in the mail.

Chapter Twelve: Surprise! pt. 1

Marinette begins work on her fashion line. Adrien invites her on a not-date. Alya makes a bet with Marinette.

Chapter Thirteen: Surprise! pt. 2

A new hero by the moniker Emerald Shell arrives on the scene to assist Ladybug in her hour of need. Chat Noir pays Marinette a surprise night visit. Marinette shares a secret with Nino. The hidden ally has a name: Pavone.

Chapter Fourteen: Duty

Marinette and Nino seek advice from their aging master. Alya preps Marinette for her not-date. She and Adrien spend time ‘not’ flirting, and Marinette invites him to spend Christmas with her and her folks.

Chapter Fifteen: Mistletoe

The Ball Chapter. Marinette is thrust into a glittering world of the rich and famous, but she finds familiar faces nonetheless in the form of Desiree and Felix. A misunderstanding naturally causes an akuma, and afterwards, Adrien gets closure from Ladybug. Later, he and Marinette stumble under a mistletoe, and after a Christmas gift from Marinette, Adrien realizes he fucked up.

Chapter Sixteen: Trouble

Adrien spends an agonizing session at his therapist’s as he wrestles with newfound feelings. Felix gives Marinette unsolicited advice as she tries to close her parents’ bakery. Later, she stumbles upon Adrien standing in the rain and drags him home to dry off. Goofing off happens...and leads to something more.

Chapter Seventeen: Heat

Tikki and Plagg share a moment. Adrien and Marinette confirm that they are, indeed, attracted to each other. Domestic shit happens. Alya reluctantly wins a bet.

Chapter Eighteen: Deception

Nino finds himself mediating between his overprotective girlfriend and his helpless best friend. He also teases Marinette about her and Adrien’s not-relationship. Emerald Shell and Ladybug deal with an akuma, and then talk relationships. Alya gets the wrong impression from an overheard conversation between Marinette and Nino.

Chapter Nineteen: Faith

Alya doesn’t appreciate the silent treatment. She gets some unexpected advice from Desiree, and decides to do what she does best and investigate matters on her own. Unfortunately, she and Nino are unable to see eye to eye, which puts their relationship in jeopardy. Later, a frank conversation with Emerald Shell becomes too honest, and Alya accidentally discovers a couple of secrets. She and Nino reconcile, and Nino happens to spy a stray cat watching over a ladybug. Nino and Alya’s relationship is taken to the next level.

Chapter Twenty: Balance

Marinette rejoices in Alya’s engagement. Alya interrogates her about her not-relationship with Adrien. Marinette and Adrien privately agree to be ‘friends who kiss a lot’. Later, Ladybug’s negligence results in a suicide, and the widow becomes akumatized. Ladybug is almost defeated, but at the last minute, Chat Noir appears to save the day, and their partnership is restored.

Chapter Twenty-One: Blind

Emerald Shell is not pleased. (That’s it, that’s the chapter.) Nino expresses concern for one of his best friends. Marinette receives unexpected visitors—the first is unwelcome, as opposed to the second. Marinette flirts a little with Chat Noir, only to learn that he’s seeing someone. Uncomfortable after the night’s events, Marinette decides to bunk with Alya for a few days.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Bonds pt. 1

A press conference announcing Chat Noir’s return to the side of Good is not well-received by the citizens. Ladybug registers the change in dynamic between her and Chat, and is not sure what to make of it. Meanwhile, Alya encourages Marinette to pursue Adrien, but when Marinette shows up unannounced, she finds a woman in a towel in his home.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Bonds pt. 2

Marinette behaves like a fucking adult and allows Adrien to introduce her to his friend/ex-girlfriend, Erika. Through Erika, Marinette discovers Adrien and Felix are cousins. She and Erika start a frank conversation about Adrien, but the subject of said conversation interrupts. Erika goes off for a walk, and a couple minutes later, an akuma appears to terrorize the city. A face stealer transplants Chat’s face onto Emerald Shell’s shield when he jumps in the way to save Ladybug. The face stealer is chased off by a Miraculous wielder by the name of Camille.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Bonds pt. 3

Despite Ladybug not trusting her (and becoming overprotective of Chat Noir), she, Camille, and the rest of Team Miraculous devise a plan to track down the akuma. Ladybug assumes she knows who the akumatized victim is, but then circumstantial evidence points her towards Camille instead. Alya accidentally discovers Chat Noir’s secret. Nino points out an inconvenient truth to Marinette. Before Erika returns to Italy, she confides the existence of a troubling Miraculous wielder to Marinette: Shade.

Chapter Twenty-Five: Coincidence...?

The Valentine’s Day Chapter. Marinette and Nino are advised by Master Fu to bring Chat Noir into their counsel. Adrien asks Alya for another favor. Marinette and Adrien go on a proper date, though they spend much of the night confusing each other. An ill-timed akuma appears, and Ladybug and Chat Noir can’t help but notice each other’s fancy additions. Later, a multitude of clues lead Adrien to the conclusion that Marinette may not be who he thought she was at all.

Chapter Twenty-Six: Suspicions

Marinette comes to the same conclusion Adrien does...but then decides that she doesn’t want to know for sure. Not yet. Plagg dresses down Adrien in front of his therapist. Alya does a collective facepalm upon hearing Marinette (sort of) express her misgivings about Adrien. Alya tags along to an akuma fight, much to Emerald Shell’s chagrin. The Anti-Akuma Taskforce bump heads with a new group identified as the Akumatized Victims Anonymous, and chaos breaks out before Alya tricks them all into clearing off with the sound of a police siren. Afterwards, Marinette entrusts the search for a new Miraculous wielder to Nino.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Aesthetics

Nino and Marinette try to gather clues on the Butterfly and Shade. Marinette runs into Desiree while shopping, and Desiree brings up some concerning questions before Felix interrupts out of the blue. Marinette’s fashion line is finally revealed in her university’s competition. She and Adrien dance around forbidden knowledge.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Outfoxed

Nino makes a decision on who should join Team Miraculous, but then falls for the oldest trick in the book. Alya gets acquainted with her new powers.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Changes

On top of everything else she has to do, Ladybug agrees to be the face of a new unity campaign Deputy Mayor Reine proposes when tension between AVA and AAT only continue to escalate. Meanwhile, Alya decides to use her powers for Good by slipping behind enemy lines in disguise.

Chapter Thirty: Shadow

Marinette and Adrien’s alone time is interrupted by fashion disasters. Still, the fashion show goes off without a hitch...until Shade crashes the party.

Chapter Thirty-One: Anarchy

Team Miraculous comes to the unpleasant conclusion that Shade knows more than she should. Meanwhile, AVA wreaks enough havoc that the mayor feels threatened and does the unthinkable. Emerald Shell spots a familiar Miraculous and leaves to confront the owner. Meanwhile, with AVA’s leadership in shambles, Alya suggests that they take things in another direction. When she returns home, a very angry surprise awaits her.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Tension

Team Miraculous (both in and out of their suits) deal with the aftermath of the last chapter. AVA’s new approach to protesting moves Marinette, and she and Alya stage a makeshift fashion show with AVA wearing Marinette’s designs, a decision that does not thrill Adrien.

Chapter Thirty-Three: Revealed

Everything comes to a head in this chapter. Adrien loses patience with Marinette’s constant promises of ‘later’, and they are cornered at the Eiffel Tower by Shade and the citizens under her thrall. Both heroes nearly meet their doom, only to be assisted at the last minute by Pavone. Where one couple of Team Miraculous reconciles, the other splits.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Squad

Marinette makes moves towards her future, despite her love life being in shambles. Vixen is introduced to Team Miraculous, and they have a pow-wow to share information. After patrol, Vixen splits, and Ladybug forces Emerald Shell and Chat Noir into a reveal of their own. Nino and Adrien return to Adrien’s place for a talk, and Adrien is comforted during a breakdown by his best friend.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Amends

The Wedding Chapter. Marinette and Adrien deal with their broken hearts as best they can while sitting through Ivan and Myléne’s wedding. It takes the combined efforts of their friends and the strength of their own hearts for Marinette and Adrien to reconcile at last.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Finale

The Final Chapter. Everyone who hasn’t been revealed yet is unmasked, including Alya, Camille, and Felix. Team Miraculous splits up to deal with the akuma flooding Paris as well as chasing down Shade, who reveals the motivation behind her actions at last. Past mistakes are almost repeated in the heroes’ pursuit, but all is well that ends well.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Epilogue

What it says on the tin. Banter is shared, relationships have progressed happily, and things are peaceful. Thus, Longfic the Toothy comes to a quiet close.

[vex-bittys]

Those Unreachable Stars: A Yanderetale Story (part 33)

WARNING: All parts of this fanfic will be tagged NSFW even if they do not contain NSFW content because the overall theme of Yanderetale is NSFW.

Contains: language, sexual content, non-consensual voyeurism, sexual manipulation

Yanton represented everything that YanYan aspired to be (and secretly feared that he never would be). The robot possessed an abundance of riches and respect, the two things that YanYan valued above all else. Instead of his usual jealousy, YanYan hero-worshipped the handsome robot. He would do anything that Yanton asked, and on this video chat, Yanton was asking for all of the things that YanYan always yearned to do for him.

“Did you get the package I sent you?” asked Yanton is a voice of molten gold and decadent chocolate.

“YES.” YanYan tried not to sound too eager, but the predatory smile on Yanton’s face let him know that the TV personality had him right where he wanted him. It didn’t bother YanYan in the slightest; when the robot celebrity had picked him out of the crowd at one of his rare in-person appearances, it had been a dream come true, regardless of Yanton’s intentions.

“Good, then we can get started. Bend over on your chair and lift up that skirt for me.”

The request didn’t surprise YanYan. After all, he had opened the package the moment it arrived, and the contents made the purpose of this video call perfectly clear. YanYan accepted the invitation to a “private video chat” and everything that entailed as implied by Yanton’s gift. With a playful smirk, YanYan obeyed his idol’s orders, turning around, bending over, and lifting the ruffled edge of his skirt past his hips to show off a carefully chosen pair of panties, filled out nicely by his ecto-body.

“Do those panties… match my shirt?” Yanton laughed with the superiority of a very large dog allowing a very small kitten to pounce on him. YanYan blushed. He’d chosen the pattern based on Yanton’s favorite shirt. “Pull them aside and show me your tight little hole.”

Once again, YanYan obeyed, hooking a slim phalange around the fabric of the panties and tugging them aside to expose the curves of his asscheeks and his waiting asshole. He’d anticipated this moment since he saw the sex toy in the box with instructions to wear a skirt and panties. Yanton, usually the performer, wanted a show, and YanYan would happily provide it for him.

Yanton tsked. “That toy will never fit unless you prepare yourself,” he purred magnanimous, yet still somehow sinister. “Use your fingers darling.” As YanYan circled his asshole seductively with his phalanges, Yanton surreptitiously clicked the broadcast button on his computer screen. Now his faithful audience would all be privy to the skeleton’s sexual depravity.

YanYan dipped one finger inside of his entrance and gasped. He rarely allowed others to fuck him, and his hole was almost painfully tight. Working the finger in and out slowly helped stretch the opening, but barely. Remembering the size of the dildo in the box, YanYan increased his speed. Yanton hadn’t sent any lube.

“One finger isn’t going to do it if you want the toy to fit,” said Yanton with feigned concern. The look of discomfort on YanYan’s face prompted him to add: “You could try spitting on them to lube them up.”

YanYan hated the thought of using his own saliva as lube, but he desperately craved Yanton’s attention and approval. The benefits outweighed his disgust, and he spat on his fingers then slowly worked to insert them into his ass.

“Spread yourself open for me, darling. Just like that.” Yanton chuckled silently. His ratings skyrocketed as the skeleton monster scissored his asshole open for what he believed to be an audience of one. The pathetic idiot was fulfilling his dream of becoming an Undernet sensation, and he didn’t even know it.

The initial pain of penetration faded away, and YanYan could finally settle in to enjoying the anal fingering. Yanton could have any monster he wanted in the entire Underground, and he chose YanYan, wanted him sexually if this video chat was any indication. The narcissistic skeleton pictured it all in his head: going to the club on Yanton’s arm, making out at a private table, stumbling, giggling into a resort suite in the wee hours of the morning for a lengthy and passionate night of wild sex…

“Good job, darling, now use the toy.” Yanton used the term of endearment in place of the skeleton’s name because he honestly couldn’t remember it, but the poor sucker couldn’t get enough of it and eagerly followed Yanton’s every instruction. “Pretend it’s me fucking you, hard and fast. Just like that!”

YanYan moaned as he worked the toy in and out of his asshole. He sank into the fantasy of a tryst with Yanton, fucking himself harder and faster every time the voice from the computer called for it.

A wide smile split Yanton’s metallic features, sincere but bone-chilling. YanYan’s voice screamed his name from the voice chat, and likes poured in from his loyal and lecherous followers to congratulate him on his successful manipulation of the sycophantic skeleton.

YanYan never suspected a thing.

Cap stared open-mouthed at the monsters milling around outside of Muffet’s brothel. Scantily clad monsters beckoned to him, blowing kisses and making bedroom eyes in his direction, but other monsters leered and advanced on him menacingly, only holding back because of his size. Cap’s wide, innocent eyes and skull adorned with brightly colored stickers made him a target for one and all, regardless of their intentions.

A female monster with wavy midnight blue hair and piercing golden eyes approached him. She looked similar to a skeleton monster with strange, opaque ecto-flesh. Cap reached out a finger to poke the odd magic, but she dodged him with practiced ease.

“It’s so rare to see skeleton monsters,” she said with a smile. Cap liked the idea of being rare. It meant he was special! “Can I help you with something?”

Her question reminded him that he’d been sent here on an errand for YanYan. He didn’t want to disappoint YanYan and risk being punished. Besides, Brassy needed his medication! Cap couldn’t afford to let himself be distracted.

“I’m here to pick up medicine for my boyfriend, Brassberry.”

I don’t know what I expected the huge skeleton monster to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. This skeleton didn’t just know Sans; he was dating Sans! The revelation blindsided me, but it also explained a lot. Why would Sans keep spending time with me when he had a new boyfriend to devote himself to?

I tried not to feel bitter. I wanted to be happy for Sans, I really did. Sans and I weren’t together. We had never been together, so why did my heart squeeze at this strange skeleton’s casual statement? To avoid making things awkward, I started walking towards Muffet’s office, gesturing for him to follow me.

It’s not that I had been holding Sans’ medicine hostage or anything. Honestly! Nobody called to arrange a delivery, so I had no reason to take it to the house. I expected Sans to stop by and pick it up sooner or later if I just waited long enough. He would need the medication eventually, I thought. Somehow, he had still managed to avoid seeing me, and I ended up discovering the reason why secondhand from his unsuspecting new boyfriend.

When I handed the huge skeleton the packet of Sans’ medications, he swept me into a crushing hug, thanking me over and over and making me regret my less than welcoming thoughts towards him. This monster had a sweetness about him that would actually be good for Sans, and I couldn’t fault him for finding someone to love in this crazy world.

“I didn’t get your name,” I prompted him, contrite.

“YanYan calls me Captain Skittles.” Of course that arrogant skeleton would give this skeleton an unkind name, though he didn’t seem at all concerned about it. “You can call me Cap though!”

“Well, Cap, I’m very happy to hear about you and Sa- Brassberry,” I told him with a smile that became sincere when Cap’s face lit up.

“You know Brassy?” he asked excitedly.

“Yeah, we’re-” I paused. What were Sans and I, exactly? “-friends.” Cap didn’t notice my hesitation. He just kept right on babbling excitedly about how happy he was to meet one of Brassy’s friends. He even invited me to the house for one of their movie nights.

I remembered movie nights with Sans, and I doubted they would bear even the slightest resemblance to my memories if I became the third wheel at one. “I’d have to check with Sans,” I replied evasively. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to discuss anything involving Cap with Sans at the moment. I needed to collect my thoughts and sort out my emotions first.

Cap pouted. His orange and blue puppy dog eyes were hard to resist, and somehow I found myself agreeing to the plan. Cap hugged me again, chasing away any lingering doubts about my decision. I may still have my hangups about Sans, but I already hated the idea of disappointing this gentle giant.

Still, a familiar but nameless dread uncoiled in my stomach at the thought of visiting the skeleton brothers’ house in Snowdin again. I never knew why, but even walking past the house gave me chills, like something evil lurked there, waiting to be awakened.

PREV | INDEX | NEXT

[isthisthingeven0n]

detatched : d.d

this is something i wrote over a year ago about someone else on my other blog, but edited it for here. hope you like it, it’s a one off so no part two. just had to get some feelings out. 

brief summary: the reality of letting someone you love go is never easy, and sometimes you end up wondering what could’ve been 

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

“Why’d you let him go?” Her words echo as I stare blankly at the two empty glasses. Reflecting how full of life they were and the laughter consumed less than 45 minutes ago. Now I look at them and just think of despair.

Lifting my head slowly I can feel a smile form on my numb face. “He was strange, yet wonderful.” My mind casted back to the memories and late night conspiracies we had. “Sometimes when you love someone that much it’s best to let them go.”

I could hear her sigh loudly, intentionally. “You didn’t have to let him go.” She bluntly stated and stood up, picking the two glasses and the bottle with her, shame hanging heavy around me.

“I was holding him back.” Retorting I turned to face her, she hovered with the glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other. Scrunching her face together she just shook it off, as if my reasons could never justify it. “Look what we had wasn’t perfect, but it had an expiry date. I knew it the second he kissed me.” Even saying it aloud and the memories flood back.

The moonlight breaking through the dusty clouds, being in my pjs covered in tea stains and holes due to their age. How I couldn’t help but shiver as I refused to budge whilst I waited for the stars to break through from the sheets that allowed them to rest for the night. I sipped at the fourth cup of tea he brought me, patiently being the friend I needed as we talked about all sorts. 

We spoke of our memories before Vine, before I met everyone but more so before our lives got so crazy. Slowly the conversation went down a path of confusion, about being alone. He told me that I’ll never live life alone, as he couldn’t allow it. We never got to see the stars that night, but he said he could see constellations from the freckles that dotted my skin just before he kissed me.

Slowly turning away from her I lean back into the chair, feeling a light buzz spread through my body as I recall how many glasses I did drink. Closing my eyes I can hear her creak across the broken floorboards, I really should get those fixed. Breaking through my thoughts she called my name, forcing me to pay attention. “What about the time you went to the lake with your niece? Didn’t you say that in that one moment you knew what you’d want in life?” She is trying to grasp straws now, I can see the desperation ache in her eyes.

My thoughts swirl like the remainder of wine in the bottle, the lake where I fell in after being chased by geese. A lake where my little niece made him dance horrifically- something he now does constantly for millions, just not me.

He’s out there, somewhere doing what he loves and what am I doing? Wallowing into a bottle of wine because I let him go live his dreams; one I could’ve been apart of.

“So that’s it? You let him go so he can fulfil his aspirations?” She sounded so final, finished with my excuses. Yet all I could do was nod, too afraid to admit to myself the truth let alone someone else.

The fact that getting too close to him terrified me, I boarded myself up unintentionally and find it too difficult to let myself feel something too real for him.

 I feared that when we were at the lake, the way he swayed with my niece and the little joyous laugh she shrieked to him. When he turned his head shyly beaming to me with those eyes, I knew I was in trouble with own self. The fear of falling too far for him in the abyss of those brown eyes was evident, that I was quickly approaching the point where I wouldn’t be able to come up for a breath before being swept back under in the easiness of being in his company.

“That,” I spoke up, my voice breaking. My eyes still watching the liquid slowly swirl, blurring slightly the longer I tried to focus. “that’s it.” Coughing lightly I stood up but stumbled resulting in her quickly being at my side. “I’m fine.” I mumbled but she merely pulled an unimpressed face in response.

Helping me walk towards my room she mumbled, “How much did you drink before I got here?” I didn’t answer. The truth hurts too much.

Slowly she helped me get into my own bed, vacant of the company that I longed for yet resented. It is a constant battle between my head and my heart, the rational and irrational side of my soul. “Please just get some rest. I’ll see you in a few days, get on with the writing. You do have deadlines.” Lethargically nodding I rolled over, facing the empty space beside me.

I waited long enough to hear the door close, then until the silence echoed throughout the flat. Creeping out of bed like a child on Christmas Eve I found my phone and collapsed into the sofa, careful to avoid eye contact with the empty bottles of judgement and bad decisions. Struggling to focus I fumble around to find my old glasses, so old and unused they have infamous scratch marks from late nights of intense reading at home. Finding his name easily, still the same name in my contacts.

Funny, I assumed he’d be gone. That he’d vanish out of my phone as well as my life. Sometimes I don’t think far ahead enough, I knew I didn’t when I told him to go, the silence that followed my yells. The pained look in his eyes as he turned around and apologised. Trying to shake the memory was difficult, it clung to my guilty conscience with all it had remaining a permanent reminder that I was wrong, that I don’t understand my own feelings.

Clicking on the button I stare in disbelief as it dials. The feeling of being a teenager returns in my stomach, but that may be the alcohol. “He-hello?” Tired, grumpy. But nevertheless a missed voice.

“David?” I giggled. Why was I giggling? I’m a teenager again, the awkward girl who struggled to make three sentences without trying to be humourous.

A light confused sound came from the other end and some mumbling in the background. “Are you drunk?” It wasn’t harsh, more entertained. I can picture him now, editing in the early hours of the morning trying to hide a smile as he heard my voice. 

But he shouldn’t, he should hate me for what I did, sending him away, shutting him out like that.

“Does 3 bottles of wine count?” I bit my lip knowing he could sense my guilt, he didn’t even have to look at me let alone be in the same room as me to know I felt bad. Why else would I call him weeks later?

“Pissed.” Someone shouted from behind him making me laugh too hard, why was I laughing like this? Some more noise came through and I pulled the phone away until it was just him, the gentle calling of my name. “Can you hear me?”

Nodding reluctantly I placed the phone back to my ear. “I’m here.”

“Why’d,” He sighed, that same defeated sigh with those lowered shoulders like he had been a dismissed puppy after causing havoc when really I was the one to blame. “is everything okay?” Even now he cares.

“How can you do this? How can you still care this much?” I curled up into a tight ball, my thighs slowly suffocating my chest. “I broke, I hurt you and made you leave. Yet you still want to know if I’m okay? How are you this okay?” Blinking I felt the stains being replaced by the new, fresh pain and the cycle that I take alone continuing with him as a mere witness.

“What do you mean? Of course I care, I, I still lo-”

“I can’t.” I sat upright, the emotion gone from my voice. “Goodbye David.” Hearing his protests I hung up.

I let the tears fall, creating small perfect marks on my legs. Standing up I picked up the bottles along with the rubbish I left behind until I felt clean again. Until the guilt would be removed. If only.

[douxreviews]

Arrow - ‘Past Sins’ Review

“You can’t stop the past from haunting you.”

Three cases of Daddy Issues and one huge dollop of moral ambiguity. One of these things is not like the other.

Family relationships, particularly parental relationships, have been a recurring theme for this show. So revisiting Oliver and now Emiko’s complicated relationship with their father should come as no surprise. I’m all for it. Robert Queen’s love for Oliver and Thea was obvious despite his other failings. His feelings towards Emiko were more convoluted. His obligations towards Emiko are undisputed regardless of his actions. However, this did not stop him from abandoning her or her mother in the face of what we assume were Moira’s demands. The fallout from Robert’s decision and its effect on both Oliver and Emiko certainly warrants a deeper dive.

I am less impressed with the execution. Robert Queen’s legacy has seesawed between hero and villain throughout the years due to either the poor memory or deliberate retconning of the writers. In the first season, we learned Robert accidentally killed a councilman. His guilt over that death was the domino that allowed Malcolm to rope first Robert and then Moira into the Undertaking. In season five Adrian Chase delivers the councilman’s cement encased body to Oliver. He is reluctant to believe Robert is capable of such a thing, conveniently forgetting he watched his father shoot Dave Hackett in cold blood. After recovering footage of the councilman’s death, Oliver called a press conference and publicly admitted it. So explain to me why the journalist referred to Robert Queen as a hero? And why would Oliver not at least acknowledge what he announced two years before?

Emiko’s conflicting opinions regarding both her father and her half-brother are understandable though no less problematic. Emiko’s claim that the Queen family destroys everything it touches is borne out by fact. The series is littered with victims of the Queen family’s love, from those that survived such as McKenna Hall, Roy, Slade, and even William, to those that didn’t like Tommy, Shado, Laurel, Billy Malone, and Samantha Clayton. Yet if Emiko resents her father so much why return to his gravestone time and time again? And if she believes Oliver is a spoiled Trust Fund Brat why go through so much trouble to emulate him? We still have no answers but since Emiko’s agreed to talk to Oliver, we may get some soon.

Laurel’s Daddy issues are two-fold. First, we see how the guilt over her real father’s death led to her descent into villainy, discovering that the drunk driver who killed Earth-2’s Quentin was Black Siren’s first victim. Finding him walking and talking on Earth-1 dredges up her anger for the man who stole her father away and the guilt she feels for sending her Dad out to meet his fate. On the other hand, the desire to live up to the Earth-1 version of her father gave her the aspiration to be better. She may still lean toward the more expedient methods instead of the legal ones but at least she’s trying. It also doesn’t hurt that Felicity has her back.

Laurel and Felicity’s relationship is becoming one of my favorites. What started as a matter of convenience has developed into a legitimate friendship in spite of either Felicity’s or Laurel’s intentions. It’s as if Laurel’s road to redemption has met up with Felicity’s path to pragmatism. I won’t go fully out on a limb and say Felicity is no longer a hero but the version of her presented in the flash forwards no longer seems quite so farfetched. Regardless, at the moment it is the most nuanced relationship on the show and I’m loving it.

Like Laurel, the death of Sam Hackett’s father has left him in a dark place. It appears Sam spent years refusing to accept his father’s death. It’s not an outrageous belief considering both Oliver and Sara made it off the boat alive. Why not hold out hope? Then he hacked Oliver’s Slabside transcripts and discovered his father’s murder and Oliver covered it up. Sam’s reaction, indefensible though it may be, gives even more credence to Emiko’s belief in the destructiveness of the Queen family. It never occurred to Oliver that Sam might need closure let alone that he had an obligation to provide it. It is a failing that Oliver never thinks of the consequences until they land forcibly on his doorstep.

Speaking of consequences, is there any way that the story of Diaz and Dante ends well? I thought not. The fact Curtis is preaching the moral gospel to Diggle is the first clue. And for all Lyla’s bluster last week, she fell in line pretty quickly. I must admit this version of the Suicide Squad, I’m sorry, Ghost Initiative is far more intimidating than the previous incarnation. It’s one reason I fell for Curtis’ untimely demise. All things considered, I should not have been fooled, especially after Diaz’s dig about Curtis being some kind of genius. Unfortunately, the inconsistency with which they’ve written Curtis over the last two years gave them enough wiggle room that the virtual version of events seemed plausible. I was still happy to be wrong and I look forward to learning what Curtis “calling his own shots” means.

This episode focused far more on character than plot. The means to catch Dante and the introduction of a new and mysterious threat being the only forward progression. Normally the focus on character would thrill me. However, the inconsistencies gave me pause.

2.5 out 5 virtual realities

Parting Thoughts:

This episode marks David Ramsey’s directorial debut. Congrats!

The journalist was on the phone when he was attacked and he never made it to dinner with his wife yet didn’t look for him till the next morning?

Glad to see Nick back on his feet again. I bet Curtis is too.

Will Felicity’s security system lead to something specific in the present or is just the first step towards future Felicity’s Smoak Enterprises?

If Oliver is really on the side of the law, he should stop entering through windows and destroying private property.

There’s also something called warrants he, and Dinah for that matter, need to become acquainted with.

Quotes:

Felicity: “You were amazing. You were genuine and heartfelt and amazing, and for a second there, I almost believed that you liked Laurel." Oliver: “I almost do.”

Lyla: “Tell us about a challenge that you’ve worked to overcome.” Cupid: “Well, the love of my life rejected me... For a blonde."

Curtis: “What the hell is going on? China White, Spawn of Slade, and now Cupid? It’s like the Ghost of Villains Past in here.”

Laurel: “Oh, please. I don’t have a problem with alcohol, maybe the first thing I managed to one-up your Laurel on.”

Curtis: “There has to be a better way.” Diggle: “I wish there was.”

Laurel: “Hypothetically-" Felicity: “Ok. Let me stop you right there because we both know that ‘hypothetically’ means this is definitely happening.”

Diaz: “Mr. Terrific. It’s been a while, my friend. You look a little nervous. Is that because the last time we met I had my knife in your gut?”

Felicity: “You should be flattered. I only stop people that I like.”

Cupid: “I love it when a plan comes together.” (She is way too young for the A-Team)

Curtis: “A.R.G.U.S thanks you for your cooperation.”

Dinah: “You think you’re gonna do one interview and all of the sudden, your problems go away overnight?”

Curtis: “Well, I’m happy to make Diaz’s life miserable anytime anywhere.”

Dinah: “A stalker from a different Earth. Of course. Why wouldn't there be?”

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape

[rebelsofshield]

Ranking Rebels: The Top Ten

It’s been several months now since Star Wars Rebels concluded and we learned the fates and futures of the surrogate family that lived in the halls of The Ghost. Rebellions were sparked. Sacrifices were made. There was a lot of critical theory about art. Fruit was stolen. Droids sang. Pufferpigs puffed. It made for a beautiful, if not always perfect, four year story that will become a cherished part of the Star Wars mythology.

With a new animated series on the horizon, what better time to take a look back at Rebels history. Not all episodes were created equal. For every, “World Between Worlds” there is a “Blood Sisters.” Just as I did for The Clone Wars, I plan to rank every episode of Star Wars Rebels from worst to best. As always, feedback and discussion is appreciated!

Previous Installments: 66-61, 60-51, 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11

10. Rebel Assault

The attack on the Empire’s factories on Lothal was an operation that had been building for seasons. With Hera finally receiving approval to lead a squadron of X-Wings to the grassy plains of Ezra’s homeworld, “Rebel Assault” opens up with a triumphant and brilliantly executed dogfight that Steward Lee directs to near perfection. Seeing classic Star Wars starfighters chase each other through blockades and high atmosphere is the stuff of dreams and Rebels delivers, before smartly transitioning into a tense and bleak second half. Hera’s attack fails and as a result she and Chopper are left to sneak through the locked down streets of Lothal’s capitol as Imperial forces close in around her. Lee dials back on the music and allows the episode to fall eerily quiet which does wonders in ratcheting up the unease and tension. It ends on a killer cliffhanger that opens up Rebels for an incredible final stretch of episodes and makes for a great midseason finale.

9. Fire Across the Galaxy

While it showed signs of confidence and maturity throughout its first season, it wasn’t until its first finale where Rebels finally felt like a show that had come into its own. Whether it’s the ensemble’s thrilling attempt at rescuing their friend and mentor from the clutches of The Empire, Kanan’s cathartic and wonderfully choreographed duel with The Grand Inquisitor, or the universe altering reveal of Ahsoka Tano at its conclusion, “Fire Across the Galaxy” is filled to the brim with excitement, adventure, and character. The fact that writer Simon Kinberg is able to fit as much content into a single twenty two minute episode is stunning and it is even more impressive that it comes across as wonderful as it does. By its conclusion, most of its central cast has grown and the series has taken its first step into a larger world and cemented itself as a Star Wars story that will be worth remembering.

8. The Siege of Lothal

Darth Vader was a specter that loomed over Rebels since its premiere. Kanan and Ezra could only go so long before attracting the attention of the galaxy’s most famous Sith Lord and with Ahsoka Tano now in play, the appearance of the Dark Lord seemed inevitable. Before Rogue One, Rebels brought Darth Vader back to the screen in menacing and iconic fashion. Whether its James Earl Jones’s effortless voice performance, Henry Gilroy’s script, or Bosco Ng and Brad Rau’s direction, Vader fills every frame he is a part of with a dark presence and in the process tests the Ghost Crew like never before. It makes for a stunning premiere that not only impacted the main cast but hinted at some of the iconic and emotional stories that were to come throughout Rebels’ second season.

7. The Honorable Ones

“The Honorable Ones” was a risk from the get-go. Even if it played off a familiar trope of two adversaries being forced to survive in dangerous conditions, Kevin Hopps’s script had the challenge of carrying a full episode that is essentially two conflicted men arguing and also providing a nuanced view of war without undermining Star Wars’ purposefully simplistic morality and condemnation of fascism. Hopps succeeds by making “The Honorable Ones” about Kallus the man rather than the organization he represents and in the process allows for two series best performances out of Steve Blum and David Oyelowo. In the process, both men are able to come to an understanding about each other as beings and about their own struggles even if they cannot reconcile the conflict they find themselves embroiled in. It makes for a powerful script and would set up one of the series’ best long term character arcs in Kallus’s eventual defection to the Rebellion.

6. Jedi Night

Until its conclusion, “Jedi Night” plays out like classic Rebels fun. The crew conducts a rescue of a team member and loved one the sorts of which have played out through the show dozens of times. Dave Filoni and Henry Gilroy pepper the script with moments of action and levity and while the stakes are high, there is a sense of playfulness that echoes throughout. In actuality, “Jedi Night” is a sort of pre-emptive eulogy for the man it is about to sacrifice. Kanan Jarrus slowly sheds and reforms his appearance, his identity, and eventually his life to rescue those he loves and director Saul Ruiz does this through smart visual cues that play off well with both the script and Freddie Prinze Jr.’s incredible performance. “Jedi Night” feels like a collective breath before its act of tragedy and sacrifice and the result is gut-punching but also unforgettable.

5. Twin Suns

“Twin Suns” is an artful and beautifully directed closure of not only Ezra’s character in the third season of Rebels but also of one of the most winding and tortured character arcs in the franchise. After decades of turmoil, Maul’s life comes to a close. From its opening frames, director Dave Filoni creates a clear visual language that emphasizes open space, isolation, and character action and in the process prepares us for what is to come. It makes for one of the most creatively inventive installments the show attempted and this, of course, culminates in its incredible final moments. Stephen Stanton’s masterful recreation of Alec Guinness’s Obi-Wan Kenobi is jaw dropping and it makes his moments of wisdom passed onto Ezra feel genuine and his pity and remorse towards Maul oddly heartbreaking. Filoni’s decision to stage this final battle between the decades long adversaries as a Kirosawa-like samurai film represents one of his best directorial decisions to date and the result is unexpected but entirely appropriate and even poignant.

4. A Family Reunion-and Farewell

Rebels’ final episode could have stretched on for hours and fans would likely have lapped it up. Trying to conclude this four year story of family, resistance against tyranny, and maturity in adolescence in forty four minutes seemed like a near impossible challenge. The result is an episode that makes every second of that runtime count with an explosive final charge for Lothal’s independence that brings aboard a sprawling ensemble of the Ghost Crew and some of their most iconic allies. It is super charged with action and heroism, but it is ultimately the conclusion of Ezra Bridger’s emotional arc that makes “A Family Reunion-and Farewell” sing. Taylor Gray’s performance here is mature and emotionally resonant as Ezra finally comes to term with the loss of his family but also how best to honor those who are caught under tyranny and oppression. It marks a moment where Ezra not only becomes an adult but also a hero to which the galaxy can aspire to. Even then, this isn’t even taking into account the incredible series epilogue that not only provides a much needed conclusion to the series’ beloved characters but hinted at new adventures to come. It makes for a powerful and near perfect finale to a show with a legacy that will stretch on for years to come.

3. Trials of the Darksaber

Like “The Honorable Ones,” “Trials of the Darksaber” is one of the rare episodes of Rebels that slows down the action to focus entirely on character. However, this Sabine-centric episode foregoes any sort of plot oriented B-Story at all and instead bunkers down for an emotionally raw tale of a master and student. Directed by Steward Lee and written by Dave Filoni, “Trials of the Darksaber” begins with a visually dynamic lore-dump about the blade that passed hands from Pre Vizsla to Darth Maul and now rest in the hands of Sabine Wren. With the importance of this strange weapon now understood, Sabine now faces a responsibility that could change the tide of the war to their favor. Forced to not only conquer her own insecurities but also face the trauma of her past, Sabine undergoes a rigorous training under Kanan that culminates in an emotional outburst that lays all bare. Freddie Prinze Jr. and Tiya Sircar provide phenomenal voice performances that feel vulnerable and genuine and it makes for an episode that is quite unlike anything else in the series and one of the highpoints of Rebels as a whole.

2. A World Between Worlds

For decades one of the few story concepts that Star Wars never touched was time travel. In a universe where lightspeed travel was as simple as taking a bus and a magical energy force could lead to all manner of strange abilities, the power to traverse time and space was always off limits. That is until “A World Between Worlds.” Selling Star Wars fans on this concept would’ve been risky from the start, but it helps that this installment of Rebels is close to perfection. We knew from early on that there was something special about Lothal and the Jedi Temple that lay hidden at its center. With the Emperor’s interest and the mystical behavior of the Lothwolves adding onto this mystery, it slowly became apparent just what kind of realm was lying hidden beneath the coned walls of this strange building. The design and execution of the World between Worlds itself is one of Lucasfilm Animation’s best creations. With twisting and churning pathways that seem to stretch through space in infinite directions and populated by ethereal voices that connect throughout the Star Wars saga, this pathway into the stars feels like something ancient, unknowable, and mythic. The result is suitably awe inspiring and entrancing. Even better, writer and co-director Dave Filoni, alongside Steward Lee, ground this world in a key emotional arc for its characters. In addition to allowing fans to see Ahsoka Tano one more time before the close of the series and show a tease of what the next chapter of her story was, Filoni and Lee position this realm as a key emotional turning point in Ezra’s grieving over the death of Kanan. Ezra is given a taste of ultimate power in the hopes of saving those he loves, but is forced to realize that the past shouldn’t be changed and not everyone can be saved. It’s an emotional beat that is key to the final steps of his series long arc and rings true as the episode comes to a close.

1.  Twilight of the Apprentice

How could it be anything else? The season two finale of Star Wars Rebels is not only the best of the series, it is arguably the best product that Lucasfilm Animation has released, and some of the most powerful material in the entirety of the franchise. “Twilight of the Apprentice” is an atmospheric, emotional, and suspenseful hour of television that is filled with betrayals, sacrifice, revelations, and character altering decisions. It leaves a trail of changed lives in its wake and the series would never be the same after. Written by Dave Filoni, Simon Kinberg, and Steven Melching and directed by Dave Filoni, “Twilight of the Apprentice” would see the convergence of several generations of current and former students of the Force on the planet of Malachor. There Ezra’s frustrations with Kanan’s teachings combined with his own empathy for those in need would lead to his near seduction to the Dark Side by a reemerging Darth Maul. Kanan’s inability to trust fully in his student would be a partial catalyst in his blinding by the same former Sith Lord. And Ahsoka, poor Ahsoka, would come face to face with the man that used be her master. It makes for a dark and painful installment of television, but the incredible voicework by the full cast sells the experience and thrilling lightsaber duels abound. It is hard not to find yourself wrapped up in the saga that unfolds even before the final fifteen minutes elevate this installment into the realms of a classic. Ahsoka’s confrontation with Darth Vader was clearly a fascination of Filoni’s and the resulting product is as apocalyptic, tragic, and mythic as one could hope or dread for. Ashley Eckstein, James Earl Jones, and Matt Lanter sell the moment with heartbreak, anger, and disbelief, Kevin Kiner provides a beautiful musical score, and Filoni crafts a risk taking and iconic sequence. Like all great Star Wars, “Twilight of the Apprentice” ends with a wordless montage set to music. It’s a cinematic moment that feels earned and appropriate and may just be the best Star Wars that we have seen in years.

------------ So, there you have it. Rebels has been ranked. As always, feel free to reach out to tell me where you agree, disagree, or if you just want to chat about the show. I loved getting to critique this series and offer my thoughts as it crew into a truly great piece of television. I feel that I grew as a writer and a person with this show and getting to share my excitement, speculation, frustration, and adulation for it has been a highlight of my life for years now.

Thank you all for your readership and friendship.

May the Force Be With You

Nic

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast: Volume 2, Episode 2: Amethyst

A new season of the Steven Universe Podcast launched January 25, 2018, and here is a recap of episode 2, released February 1, 2018! The official description:

The Steven Universe Podcast is celebrating Amethyst... with creator Rebecca Sugar, former Executive Producer Ian Jones-Quartey, Michaela Dietz (who voices Amethyst), and Deedee Magno Hall (who voices Pearl). Discover what inspired Amethyst's weapon and shapeshifting abilities, some of the original design ideas for her character, why she's the one who's changed the most over the course of the series, and what Amethyst represents about Rebecca Sugar's real-life relationship with her brother, Steven. Plus, Amethyst and Pearl both join the pod to talk favorite shapeshifts, snacks, and the benefit of a good remote control!

This is very long because the podcasts are getting long, and I don't want to skimp on the detail because it's all very interesting to this wonderful group of nerds who like to read these, but I also don't want to overwhelm anyone with all the text, so I'll give you the bulleted highlights first and a more detailed narrative under the read-more.

Highlights:

Amethyst's earliest character designs, before she was "Amethyst," were in Rebecca's Lars/Sadie comics from college.

Amethyst is based physically on Rebecca's college friend Valerie.

Amethyst represents the present.

The "we kept Amethyst" joke was written BEFORE the writers themselves knew Amethyst's real origin.

Amethyst's whip is meant to be Dionysian: fluid and flexible.

Amethyst's tendency to shapeshift reflects both freedom to be whoever she wants and feeling lost and confused about who she is.

Amethyst has changed the most since the beginning of the series.

Meeting other Quartzes has allowed Amethyst to define herself with more clarity, leading her flexibility to become a choice rather than a reaction.

Smoky Quartz's yo-yo moves were real tricks derived from Rebecca's observation of a real yo-yo master.

Smoky represents a Fusion born out of two Gems at their lowest points, reminding viewers that sometimes you do need to ask for help.

Michaela's favorite Amethyst forms are the baby and Purple Puma.

Deedee thinks Pearl would shapeshift into a graceful bird if she was interested in changing form.

Zach Callison has a theory that Steven and Peridot's Fusion would be smaller than either of them, and adding Amethyst would make a tiny Shorty Squad Fusion that's also super loud.

Michaela, performing as Amethyst in the fan Q&A, says she likes her eggs whole (including carton, plus motor oil), that she has indeed posed as someone’s cat for an extended period and has laid eggs as a chicken, does not like eating overcooked remote controls, and loves most of all to shapeshift into Pearl. WOMP WOMP.

The detailed summary, including Rebecca and Ian discussing Amethyst’s origin, Deedee and Amethyst discussing voicing the characters, and fan questions answered in character . . .

Read it all below!

McKenzie opens by describing Amethyst's physical appearance and weapon of choice, then introduces Rebecca and Ian to discuss her creation.

Ian and Rebecca talk origins:

First McKenzie prompts them to talk about Amethyst's earliest concept. Ian says he remembers her as a character in the Lars/Sadie comics from Rebecca's college years. Rebecca adds that she was based on drawings she did of her friend Valerie--so she was in the comics, but she wasn't "Amethyst" yet. Rebecca had been planning to do Lars/Sadie comic strips and never actually drew a strip but she had doodles. Rebecca drew and painted her friend Valerie all the time--getting any Vidalia/Amethyst vibes here? Though Amethyst, personality-wise, is different, there's a visual resemblance. Early Amethyst concepts included a plant concept that went away (would have involved flowers in her hair and whatnot), but one aspect that remained was that Amethyst would be the short one. (Her shortness being an aspect of being defective was not initially planned; it was developed later along with the Kindergarten concepts by other Crewniverse members.)

Amethyst represents the present (an idea Angie had of past, present, and future for the Gems), and was supposed to be the one Gem who was most comfortable being an Earthling, interacting with humans, being like them, hanging out with boardies and having relationships with them that we've never seen onscreen. Pearl and Garnet purposely avoid humans, but Amethyst has that connection to humans because of her origin. Ian points out the "we kept Amethyst" joke in "Steven's Lion" was written before they even knew she was from Kindergarten; it unintentionally made sense retroactively.

They did have plans for how Garnet and Pearl fit into Rose's forces, but felt that Amethyst was added later as a wayward Gem brought into the fold. They already knew the characters' ages but later had to work out how Amethyst was included.

Amethyst represents the "irresponsible, not a great role model" part of Rebecca with regard to how she acts when she's in a comfortable mode around someone (specifically, Steven) and doesn't have to care what anyone thinks. She represents just being a kid, being immature, relaxing. (Pearl tries to act older and responsible, while Garnet is "aspirational," but Amethyst is the older sister that has permission to be childish while leveling with a younger sibling.) Ian reflects on early Amethyst concepts, how Amethyst caused the conflict in the pilot episode by giving Steven the Time Thing, and how she chased him around in "Together Breakfast," establishing that she was the one who would "mess with him." Rebecca clarifies that it's good-natured ribbing. Ian points out that OK KO has characters based on the "dumb police" drawing.

Regarding Amethyst's weapon, McKenzie asks what made them decide on a whip. Rebecca and Ian agree that the weapons were super early decisions. Initially there were influences for Pearl and Amethyst from Apollo and Dionysis (Apollonian and Dionysian elements are used frequently in literature to set up a dichotomy). The spear is Apollonian (rigid, inflexible) and the whip is Dionysian (fluid, flexible). Rebecca also mentions that Paul Villeco brought in ideas of the characters being a knight, a cowboy, and a boxer. And unlike fists or a spear, whips have multiple uses, which is flexible like Amethyst herself.

McKenzie relates this choice about her weapon to Amethyst's shapeshifting tendencies, and Ian and Rebecca agree with that too. Ian says they figured she would use shapeshifting to mess with people, do useful things, do UN-useful things, sometimes changing into things just to make jokes . . . it's all about fluidity.

Rebecca says the constant flux in Amethyst's physical form felt right from the beginning, but made even more sense as they discovered she was searching for herself. To some extent it's freeing to be able to be anything, but it also could indicate how lost she feels.

McKenzie asks them to discuss the decision to have Amethyst as the first Gem to fuse with Steven. Rebecca compares Steven and Amethyst's relationship to her own relationship with her brother, saying it's really the closest to their real sibling relationship (especially throughout that arc). Rebecca says it just made sense to her, and Ian points out that Amethyst and Steven have a similarity in that they're both a weird kind of Gem who's only known Earth. Rebecca says at this point Steven really knows everything there is to know about Amethyst, almost, while Garnet and Pearl are more guarded about the vast amount of their history he does not know. She opened up to him as early as "Tiger Millionaire," and she's changed the most from the beginning of the show. Amethyst representing the present, changing right along with Steven, makes sense, when balanced against Pearl with so much of the past she can't reveal and Garnet being ahead of everything, focused on what's going on in her own mind (which makes it hard to even talk to her).

Next, McKenzie asks them to speak to Amethyst's relationship with Rose. Ian suggests she was kind of "the Steven of the group," as we see in flashbacks--her getting them in trouble. Rebecca thinks Amethyst's fluidity was encouraged by Rose, and that she protected her from having to know troubling truths. Amethyst is basically a kid who was raised by hippies. She was sheltered from knowing the full truth of her origin and therefore she was not free to build on that aspect of her identity. Both the advantages of freedom and the disadvantages of lack of structure manifested in her. Rose didn't want Amethyst to have restrictions of the Gem society they rejected, but that meant she didn't get a chance to rebel against or choose to follow anything associated with them. Especially with regard to her relationship with the Kindergarten, they compare Amethyst to being raised with a liberal upbringing--everything is fine now, even though it's apparent that NONE of this is actually fine in the larger context. Meeting other Amethysts inspired a growth for Amethyst where she can understand where she's from and can CHOOSE the flexibility she embodies, rather than having that be a symptom of floundering. Now she's developed the freedom to define herself as the kind of Quartz she wants to be, having seen the options and what her society of origin would have wanted her to be.

Deedee and Michaela talk bringing characters to life:

McKenzie introduces Deedee Magno Hall (Pearl) and Michaela Dietz (Amethyst), and begins the discussion by bringing up Amethyst's first full-scale arc in Season 3. She asks Michaela whether it was taxing to play a character who's really hit rock bottom, and Michaela instead says she could relate to how focused Amethyst was during that time. Because Amethyst was comparing herself to Jasper and feeling inferior as she scrambled for identity, Michaela relates to that through her experience being adopted. It was a little challenging tapping into that emotion to bring that performance out, though. McKenzie relates to the whole comparing-yourself-to-others thing, and Deedee and Michaela assure her that she's doing many cool things herself.

Deedee adds that she compares herself to others sometimes too, but in her business, there's lots of competition and you just have to be okay with knowing that sometimes you'll be right for the part and sometimes you won't; just do your best. Michaela recommends trying to "break the box" instead of trying to fit in it when it comes to auditioning for roles--define yourself by what makes you stand out. Amethyst does that in the show as well.

McKenzie leads into discussing Steven's role in inspiring Amethyst to find power in her difference, and they talk about their reactions to Smoky Quartz. Michaela says her reaction was a lot like Amethyst's reaction when Garnet asks her to form Sugilite; she had no idea that was coming when she got the script.

Discussing Smoky's design and weapon, Michaela brings up that Rebecca told her about consulting with a top yo-yo performer as research for Smoky, so the moves are real. (They don’t say so in the podcast, but this was Tom Black.)

Deedee mentions having dabbled in learning yo-yo tricks and knows from experience that a yo-yo will hurt if it hits you. They return to discussing the lessons Amethyst's arc brings to viewers, and conclude that shining as an individual is one of the central messages of the show. Deedee thinks many young people are embracing individuality.

However, Michaela wants to point out that Smoky Quartz's first appearance was born out of a low point for Steven and Amethyst. They bonded over both not being good enough--being the worst. So Smoky represented them reaching for each other's help, and being willing to do that when you need to.

McKenzie brings up the fact that Amethyst shapeshifts a lot, indicating a fluid personality, but also that she has been the only Gem to fuse with all the current Crystal Gems, which Pearl and Garnet have NOT done as such. (This isn't mentioned in the podcast, but apparently McKenzie is not including Peridot here.) McKenzie asks what the voice actors think about how self-image plays into shapeshifting, considering Pearl never does it and Amethyst does it all the time. Deedee suggests Pearl keeps such things in her back pocket unless it's really needed. Michaela agrees that Pearl doesn't compromise on who she is while Amethyst is malleable. McKenzie asks for Michaela's favorite of Amethyst's shapeshifts, and she says the little baby form was fun, and then adds on that Purple Puma is another favorite. Michaela asks her co-star what Pearl would shapeshift into if she did such things. Deedee said she'd have to think about it, and they decide maybe Pearl would like being a bird. Maybe a ladybird, a dove, or a swan. McKenzie thinks maybe a flamingo.

Next, they jump into discussing Amethyst's character in the context of some of the more recent episodes, specifically "Back to the Kindergarten" where Amethyst pulls Peridot out of her funk by taking her to the Kindergarten and starting a garden there. Michaela first has to give props to Shelby Rabara's voice acting for Peridot in those episodes, and reflects that she's heard some of those same moans in real life from her. Anyway, Michaela thinks that episode shows a ton of character growth for Amethyst; in the past she wouldn't have had the emotional resources to help someone who's suffering, especially when connecting it to a place she has such a complicated relationship with, but after meeting the Amethysts from there and learning she's allowed to be proud of where she came from, she's found enough strength to know how to help ground others.

She even kept her cool mostly when Peridot lashed out, which is a reaction she wouldn't have been capable of in the past. McKenzie contrasts this with "On the Run," and Michaela says even though the Kindergarten was a source of tension between Amethyst and Pearl, it also represents where they bonded and got a new start, and Deedee suggests maybe that's part of the reason Amethyst brought Peridot there.

McKenzie's last question for them is about Fusions: wouldn't they love to see a shorty squad Fusion of all three? And of course they would. But then Michaela says Zach has a theory that a Peridot/Steven Fusion would just be even smaller, and adding Amethyst in would shrink the Fusion even further but make them LOUDER. Yes, they agree, the world needs this. (McKenzie thinks being small would help them infiltrate places.)

Amethyst and Pearl answer questions:

McKenzie: What's your favorite thing to shapeshift into?

Amethyst: My favorite thing to shapeshift into is probably . . . Pearl. WOMP WOMP.

Pearl: AMETHYST. Really.

Amethyst: Heh heh.

McKenzie: Never fails. Never gets old.

McKenzie: How did meeting the other Amethysts change your outlook and your idea of yourself?

Amethyst: Oh man! I mean, meeting the other Amethysts was amazing. And it changed my sense of self in that now I have other people who look like myself! It's crazy! And I have like, the Famethyst, and they're so funny. They're, like, pranksters just like me who like to mess with Steven. It's great.

Pearl: It's nice to have friends.

McKenzie: Have you ever posed as somebody's cat? I'm thinking, like, long-term, like sneaking into their house for like a week or something?

Amethyst: Yeah! Did you say for a week? 'Cause I did it for two weeks.

McKenzie: Did they find out?

Amethyst: Um, yeah. So, it's like, my neighbor, Eleanor--oh wait. Sorry. I was just thinking about [dissolves into laughter]

Pearl: I hope you didn't get in trouble with the authorities.

Amethyst: You should talk, Pearl.

Pearl: I know a little something about that.

Amethyst: Okay, so for two weeks I snuck into this lady's house and I was like pretending to be one of her eighteen cats and I just, like, barked at her, and that kinda gave me up a little 'cause I barked at her. 'Cause cats don't bark.

McKenzie: Lesson learned.

Amethyst: Note taken.

McKenzie: Have you ever tried shapeshifting into a chicken and then laying an egg? Is that, like, physically possible?

Amethyst: Uh, yep. It's been done. I've done it and it was EGGcellent.

McKenzie: That would be a good source of financial income.

Amethyst: It was really speSHELL. I CRACK myself up.

Pearl: Always with the jokes.

Amethyst: Oh so many YOLKS!

Pearl: Oh! That's a good one actually.

McKenzie: How do you like your eggs? Country-scrambled, over easy, or the shells, carton, and everything on top?

Amethyst: How do I like my eggs? Whole. There's nothing worse than just, like, half of an egg. That's weird. Also, what's country-scrambled? Is there like dandelions in it?

McKenzie: Probably.

Amethyst: Or like, a map, and there's just like, Australia, like, cut up, and like put in your egg. I don't really get this question.

McKenzie: It's where you fry them on the hood of a tractor. It gives it a special flavor.

Amethyst: Ohhh, is that what it is?

Pearl: Really??

Amethyst: Man, humans are so fascinating. I guess, who am I kidding, I just like the shells, carton, everything on top. Preferably dipped in some motor oil.

McKenzie: The whole package.

Amethyst: So maybe that's kinda country!

McKenzie: Is there any food you DON'T like?

Amethyst: I cannot stand overcooked remote controls.

McKenzie: No?

Amethyst: Disgusting.

McKenzie: What's the ideal cook time?

Amethyst: For like, the perfect remote control, I would say, you know, one and a half minutes on 350 max.

McKenzie: Right. For the golden brown.

Amethyst: Yes, yes, yes.

McKenzie: I understand. I agree. There's not enough people in this world who appreciate a tasty remote control.

Amethyst: Yeah. It's true. Best food ever. My favorite.

Pearl: [sigh] If we have to purchase another remote control, Amethyst, it's coming out of your allowance.

Amethyst: Oh wow, I get allowance now? Boy, thanks, bird mom.

[Laughter]

(There was no news of the topic for next week's, but we're on for another one next Thursday.)

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[lightdancer1]

Sketch from my original fiction

"That's the thing, Lady Vishori," the Unifier said as she took a draught of a liquor potent enough to render the most resilient system of Psi and Chi class metanormals into a drunken stupor and huffed with amusement at how her own system didn't even allow her to get mildly inebriated.

"The Architects made us, with all our great power, and made beings that could turn infinite space finite. Power that no normal mortal flesh can hold. That's where the concept of that little monster that made you got its start. And as I've told you before, I'm sorry. Because I did not die, someone had the concept to create his own life and woe to us all, he succeeded. So here you are and here we are, seated in the citadels of power, the great armies overthrown and the greatest war in Imperial history, even if it was a civil war and one of those brother against brother things won decisively."

She took another draught and then placed the empty bottle on the table with a grumble of 'Can't even get drunk. I hate those monsters' that Vishori elected not to hear.

"We can extinguish, or light, the very stars themselves. Concepts that are arrogant in the sounding, visions attributable to and beyond the visions of deities of lore, things that you and I and the others like us can do without even a struggle."

She pulled back her lips to display the sharp fangs that both of them shared.

"We've been made too well. Nothing within our worlds holds challenges for us except each other, hence why Suvacel is a hedonist immune to the physical consequences and chasing what she cannot truly have. Hence why you seek normality, when our very existence bestrides reality like the Age of Legend reborn."

Xaderavcal shrugged. "I've gone into politics because I, because we, were made to master the Empire and by the Gods it is mastered. They were foolish enough to make me. To make *us.*"

Vishori inclined her head as Xaderavcal's smile changed note slightly.

"And I've seen and interacted with *them.* The Oathkeepers, the Kelzhandari. A power greater and grander than our own, a reminder that in Infinity nothing is absolute. I've seen those giants pull apart a universe like a sadistic child does an insect, and I've not felt so small since the Red Room and the carving knives and the experiments that remade me into this."

She heard the tone and then leaned forward slightly, "You do realize that I have, too?"

Xaderavcal nodded. "Yes. I have some tie to the Unmaker, you to the Undying Flame. Me, the great conqueror, to a thing that cannot be hurt and which is beyond all conquest. You, who aspire to a normal life with a being who absorbs all that is or will ever be into itself as much as it can. Reality, it seems, hears our dreams and gives us distorted mirrors."

Vishori grimaced.

"So what can we do about it?"

Xaderavcal shrugged.

"Who can say? Perhaps this is the lesson we are meant to learn. That nothing is absolute, that even the very most powerful of beings are given no guarantees. Almost nothing can physically harm us, but it does not make our lives free of problems. The virus that pursues you has one logical extension of our power taken to its grandest conclusions.

And if there is a person beneath the gilded throne and its sepulchres she must be raving mad by now or thirsting for an end to her torments. I have learned much of my power without letting it devour me like the Empress, and avoiding ties with the Oathkeepers like the Butcher. But the one I am tied to could take anything I do to her and it would be as nothing.

So even we have limits. And though we are great, perhaps...."

Silence followed as first she stood and then she levitated, hovering at the window from one of the spires of the Palace, Vishori levitating with her. They looked out upon the longhouses of Chalae.

It was at moments like this that Vishori appreciated the marvels of what otherwise seemed mundane, the light of Shuhar bright and stark, and Chalae itself a monument to beauty and to the triumphs of the Liberator and his successors.

[ivars-snowflake]

The little Witch of Kattegat, Part IX

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine

Pairing: Ivar & OC Ase

Wordcount: 1710 cca

Warnings: Violence

Feedback is always welcome and highly appreciated! :)

tags: @red608, @onjacks-blog @romanchronicles, @oddsnendsfanfics, @kenzieam, @didiintheblog

The sight was marvelous. Her whole body trembled in fear just a mere moment ago, when she watched him lying on the ground, but as he growled now, blood covering his face, all she could do was to believe his words. He made her believe. He is Ivar the Boneless, they cannot kill him. Though he forbade her to be anywhere near the battle, she ignored his words, he had no power over her, not the power that would give him the right to command her. She creeped up the stairs to the tower, knowing it would make him angry, but worried to much too care. She watched his face, covered in blood, his voice was sending shivers down her spine. She watched everyone freeze at the sight, and it brought a smile upon her face. The sight was wondrous, he looked so beautifully insane, and she needed him so bloody much. She bit her lip strong enough to taste blood, staring at Ivar with greedy eyes.

It was another battle won, the town of York remained theirs, and another strike was given to the enemy. She found Ivar after the battle, sitting on the stairs of the altar in the Christian church. His face was still bloody, and his eyes still mad. The bodies of the dead were splattered across the room, but she didn’t mind. The things Ivar had awoken in her scared, yet intrigued her so much. This time, she would not allow him to push her away.

She was torn on the inside, ever since the two have gotten together, more so since her own madness started to feel drawn by his – torn between Ivar, and her right mind. And she kept choosing Ivar. She loved him so much, it terrified her. It terrified her what she would do for him. Moments like today, when blood would flow like a river, they made her blood run hot, she would feel the lust sting. People were dying, and all she could think of was Ivar’s body below hers. She felt it when king Aelle died, but it wasn’t this strong, she was able to resist. But this, now, there was no resisting it.

He was alone, and she approached him and straddled his lap, her lips pursuing his. She licked the blood of them, and the kiss tasted like iron, like wrath. Of all the kisses they shared, this one was different. She was kissing the devil, as her skilled fingers played around with his pants. The skirt of her dress went up, and right there, in the middle of all the death and silence, her screams tore the air apart.

***

Her vision was blurry, and the morning sun didn’t make it any better, when she came bursting out of the church and away from Ivar. Angry, furious in fact, hurt and oblivious, the last thing she wanted was to break down crying in front of him.

They were fighting a lot lately. Ivar lost a lot lately, and his way of coping with it somehow included pushing Ase away, and losing one person more. It was a collision of their wishes – Ase’s wish to be by his side and chase his demons away, and Ivar’s wish for Ase to be safe, as far away from him as it was necessary. He saw the effect he had on her, he feared the things she would do for him, and he feared he would eventually ruin her. He feared that she would die, and he wouldn’t be able to stop it from happening. He saw her become restless, fearless, relentless. She, on the other hand, tried her hardest to stay by his side, no matter his angry outbursts and desperate attempts to make her go away. Though her love had known no boundaries, her patience had.

She was walking angrily, silently cursing and gesticulating while she kept yelling at him inside her mind.

-Whoa, easy there!

A voice startled her, and she felt a firm grip on her wrist, saving her the fall, and sparing her from yet another bruise.

-What did he do to you?

She blinked a few times, making the tears go away, before she fixed her gaze on the man, pulling her hand from his grip.

-People fight, king Harald. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

She liked him, but wasn’t really in a mood for a chat about lover’s quarrels with him. Turning on her heel, with hasty steps she tried to rush away, but he stopped her.

-I’ll be leaving in soon, little one, and there’s something I need to talk to you about while I’m still here.

Confused, but curious, she stopped and gave him a questioning look. Her eyebrows furrowed in a way he found so familiar, making her look exactly like a woman he once knew and loved.

-Somewhere more private, yes? Ase nodded, and followed Harald.

With everyone still celebrating the victory, the yard behind the church was empty and unusually quiet. Not knowing what to expect of this encounter, Ase kept her gaze fixed on Harald, while he tried to find the right words to start their conversation. He appeared nervous, Ase never saw him nervous. She watched him closely, the way he would rub his palms together to calm down, or how his eyes would wander around, only to avoid meeting hers. She found it funny, the fact that the great King Harald, who aspires to become the king of all Norway, would act almost as ridiculous as she does when she’s nervous. It felt like hours passed before he cleared his throat and finally started talking.

-So, Ase…when I first saw you in the Great Hall, there was something about you that seemed oddly familiar. Your hair, the way you walk, almost as if you were floating, the smile. I asked Hvitserk and Sigurd about you, and they told me a few things, but they never told me your name. I found that out from Ivar, along with the story of how you came to Kattegat, of your mother, the rumors…it just, confirmed my doubts.

She listened carefully, not sure where this conversation would eventually lead, but king Harald knew something about her that she did not, and she was ready to hear what it was. Ever since she discovered a few of her mother’s secrets, she would often wonder about her origins, about her abilities, about her family. Maybe, this was the moment to find things out.

-I met your mother on one of my raids, on the north, we were camping near the village called Rooreksgil. Her hair was as red as yours, and her spirit was as wild as yours back then. I was sad to hear she passed away. When she left, and took you with her, my heart broke and I was angry, I never thought I’d find you again, least of all in Kattegat. Yet here you are.

He cupped her face with his hands, and Ase would swear she saw a tear glistening somewhere in those eyes, whose shade of blue was so similar to hers. They were so similar to hers…

-You knew her…you are… Her thoughts were in a mess, and it was hard to form sentences while words were all mixed up, for she expected some insight into her past, her mother’s background, her story. What she got, was something entirely different.

-Yes, I’ve known her. I loved her. I thought she loved me to, but she used me to escape her home. Maybe she would have learned to love me, if her past hadn’t followed her and made her run. Sometimes, one can’t escape who one is. And the witches of Rooreksgil, they wanted what they thought was theirs. When your mother gave birth to you, she was in constant fear of you being taken by her family. They gave her up, because she always refused to practice any sort of magic, but they wouldn’t give you up. They came to claim you one day, when you turned three. Of course, I would never let them take you, but your mother, she was convinced that I can’t protect you. So one day, she was gone. And so were you.

It took a while for Ase to come to her senses. She was unaware of the tears, that were now running down her cheeks while she listened to his story and her soul ached, but her body was unresponsive. Her mind went numb, before she suddenly got angry, then happy, feelings mixing up inside of her to the point where she did not know what it is that she’s feeling. She was sitting in front of her father, the man she never thought she’d meet. And he was no monster, as her mother convinced her he would be. That woman, was anything she ever said even true?

-Did you…did you try to find her? Us?

-Oh, yes. I was trying so desperately I even asked for the help of her family. But your mother, though she was never into practicing magic, was a master of protection and veiling spells. In the first three years of your life, all she ever did was learn new spells to protect and hide you. But she got so paranoid…I guess I should have seen it coming, but I did not.

 A heavy sigh left Ase’s lungs, her hand covering her mouth, to silence the sobbing. The more she knew about her mother, the greater her list of resentments was becoming. It’s why she held on to Ivar with such force and protectiveness, his love was the only certain thing in her life. It was something she needed to keep, no matter the price.

-Now that I found you, I wouldn’t want to leave you here alone again.

She smiled warmly at him, cheeks still stained by tears, and shook her head, as she let her hand to rest on his. She was so happy, not only has her father found her, he also wanted her around, he was everything but the things her mother said he would be. Another tear escaped her, thinking how different her life could have been, if only her mother didn’t make the decision she did. And now it was Ase who needed to make her decision.