#we DM'd a little!!!

[ellistruggle]

yall Thomas gave me a shoutout on Instagram and i fear this is my peak

[amtrak12]

Okay I now have a headache from wearing my contacts for a half the day and fighting for 30 minutes on html text formatting BUT!! today I had an Easter egg hunt with my dog and spouse, played a little D&D, and watched a full Lucifer episode even if the hyperfixation high got heavily dulled by Tumblr/HTML nonsense.

So, it was still a very good day. :)

[brokenenforcer]

Pointing it out only made Rinzler's circuits flare brighter in embarrassment. Without his suit, he had a much more intricate array of them on his skin to show it off, too. His original patterns from the old system were much more telling than the scant circuitry he wore outwardly.

Clu knew what he wanted. Those lips brushed against the blazing hot circuits that ringed his neck, usually invisible under his suit. Rinzler whined softly at the contact, already perched on Clu's lap and pressing himself a little closer.

Clu hated the Games anymore. Hated having to watch his people killing each other, and no one caring about so much death. It hurt him inside, and he always felt sick afterward. As soon as he could, he ran from the sky box, his cape fluttering behind him. Not that anyone would care, the event was over. He could leave.

But he also wanted to be alone. He didn't really know where he was going, but he ducked into a dimly lit room and shut the door behind him. They wouldn't search for him for a while he knew.

A sound made him freeze where he stood. He was not alone in here.

"H-Hello?" He called softly into the near darkness.

The enforcer's broken purr was the only sound in the room, something he couldn't stifle or hide, constantly rattling in his chest. He'd just come from the games himself, though of course he'd been on the other side, the architect of the death Clu was so hesitant to witness. Not that he had any choice. Rinzler rose fluidly to his feet, unsure why Clu was there but bowing slightly to the admin anyway, his posture cowed. His body was shaking slightly, though, just barely noticeable in the dark. It wasn't often anyone so much as touched Rinzler in the games; he was far more skilled than any of the strays and nobodies the Occupation threw at him for execution. But this time they'd tossed in a captured member of the resistance, and something about them had made Rinzler hesitate. A flicker of recognition, maybe, and it was just enough for them to land a blow before Rinzler derezzed them, too. He was injured, but even after the match was over they never healed him - just left him to figure it out.

[crimeboys]

my first experience with dsmp was with someone on twitter who dm'd me bc i had a will graham pfp and asked me if i could say something nice to them bc they were going through a hard time and it would be nice to hear something nice from will graham so i obliged and then they started messaging me more and i learned they were a schlannie (had no clue what that was at the time) who would defend schlatt with their life (my first taste of problematic cc discourse) and they messaged me like every day increasingly but far too quickly personal and finally i blocked them bc we were just having a casual convo about the end of hannibal and then they told me they were going to go masturbate to the scene. and i'd known them literally a week. so that was a little much for me. so all this to say ya'll are so lucky that person did not sour the dsmp for me forever.

[hkthatgffan]

Kiki-Kit Situation Update

Bit of an update to this post from the other week.

Details are all in that post but as a refresher, Kiki-Kit, one of the Gravity Falls fandom's better known/longtime artists, had been taking commissions from multiple people and despite everyone paying her in full, she had yet to fulfill their comms with some waiting up to 5 years with no update. And what made it especially troubling was that she had not communicated with anyone and even blocked one person who had tried to talk about it.

I also had gotten a commission from her in February and have been waiting on it since without her responding at all to me after saying my payment went through. Well, since then we have at least one little update about this...

@foxieskullz tweeted that she has since gotten a refund from Kiki-Kit. She also sent me proof of the refund and Kiki saying she'd pay her back.

This is of course great as Foxie had been of course, waiting since 2019 for her comm that Kiki had practically ghosted her over. It is like she said, disappointing it had to end up happening this way but at least now she has gotten her money back and hopefully in some way, through word finally spreading about all this, able to put it behind and move on from this mess, albeit with perceptions of Kiki greatly changed for the worse.

Of course, this does not mean everything is all good. Kiki has not yet gotten back to me or anyone else about our commissions. I've not heard a single thing publicly or privately from Kiki about this. Neither has anyone else I mentioned in the original post and of course, people like Jolliejackdaw, who Kiki blocked, are still waiting for a response...

Not only that, but the original post I made also has led to more people coming out and mentioning their own situations with Kiki and her not fulfilling their commissions.

So, while it is good to see Kiki-Kit actually working to respond to and refund someone, it's still just the tip of the iceberg. There are many, MANY more people who are waiting for an update.

And like I said in the original post, this isn't a hit job on an artist because she's not finished a commission. This is about lack of communication or transparency from her about why she has not responded to our messages and won't listen when we've had enough and just want a refund. Kiki-Kit could have easily handled this all privately by just being better at communicating with her clients. We're all understanding and patient and would more than have been okay with waiting however long for our comms if she had let us know that properly beforehand (and yes, she did that in June but also said she'd have comms finished soon and didn't deliver then either and also never followed up with an update or even responded to anyone who DM'd her including me). Even a simple, hello would have been okay instead of all this ghosting.

I do hope she does right these wrongs. I honestly do not believe Kiki is a bad person or trying to scam people. It would be truly vile and heartbreaking if that really was the case. But you can't say she hasn't left that perception of herself on so many of us, myself included. I do believe she can still resolve all of this if she just communicates better. Make a post saying you're gonna give people who commissioned you a chance to message you (and you actually responding to them this time) and let you know if they wanna continue with it or get a refund and then commit to either giving those people a refund or fulfilling what you were paid for!

I wanna thank also everyone who shared and spread the word on the original post. Even on my end, making a post like that was difficult to do to say the least. Calling out people, especially someone as major and long time in the fandom who I respected like Kiki is not something I wanna do, ever wanted to or thought I would do. But hearing all the stories from so many people who like me, have been waiting for an update from her and haven't gotten any, really made me realize enough was enough and someone had to make this issue known to a greater set of eyes. I don't like using my platform for stuff like this but this was something that had reached a point where it was no longer showing results through the proper channels of communication Kiki had set up. If you're not gonna respond to DM's, emails and tweets from people who have paid you and you have yet to fulfill their work or even give them an update when they want you to and given you ample time to do so, then you leave us with no choice other than to go this way.

I hope you do see this, @kiki-kit. Please get in touch with us who you have taken on a commission from and please just talk to us. Please give us a chance to either get a refund or give us a solid timeline on when our commissions will be done. No one will hate you if you need to take time to finish it. But just please, stop ghosting us and actually reply to your customers when they email or DM you for an update or at most, give a reason why it may take longer. That's all.

Sincerely again,

Every person who has paid you for a commission and still has yet to hear back from you and every Gravity Falls fan who your work inspired and hopes that you make things right

[stop-talking]

Breakdown of the @joshsbimbo controversy.

@mike-schmidtten already made a detailed list of every reason why people are upset with you, "lamb", but I'm going to quickly go over it all anyways because you obviously didn't get the memo.

Extreme trigger warning for this entire post, I'm going to be talking about rape, SA, assault, violence, abuse, incest, stepcest, pedophilia, substance abuse, and probably a lot more.

First of all, you tagged this fic where Mike literally rapes the reader as "cnc". That is not correct.

I mean, if we look at the definition of CNC, it says "this type of scene does not encourage ACTUAL rape. All proper scenes are done after much negotiation between of-age, consenting adults."

But I don't need to explain that to you, do I? You know what CNC is. You said yourself MONTHS ago that you tagged your fic incorrectly and NEVER went back and fixed it.

Mike's next point was that you make it impossible for people to "steer away" from their triggers when you don't tag your posts properly.

And as an example he used this post of straight up incest porn between Mike and his little sister. All completely out in the open, tagged under "#mike schmidt" and "#mike schmidt x reader" for all to see.

He followed it up this this. A plea for you to, at the bare minimum, tag the major triggers in your posts and hide it under a "read more" section.

Let's take a look at how you responded to that very reasonable request.

Oh. You DM'd him the word poop and blocked him.

Instead of reblogging to respond, you actually deleted your origional post so your followers couldn't see the criticism of you as easily. I wonder why? You made your stance clear, though. "I should have put more warnings on my work, but it doesn't matter anyways because it's all fictional." But then, immediately after, you started relogging an account that makes photoshopped foot fetish content of male celebrities for some reason...?

(I censored the feet myself because its just weird) Oh, and weird AI pictures of him, too.

There were worse ones, but I didn't screenshot everything, and you deleted these posts just a few hours after reblogging.

You followed it all up with this now-deleted post about how you wish you could make your notes private. Again, I wonder why? If it really is OKAY to sexualize incest, rape, and abuse just because it's fictional, why would people be scared to support you? Why is no one willing to publicly like your posts, or speak out in your favor? Even some of your biggest supporters (@leah-hutcherson @teenagedreamsss @cuteskunkz @renaissancebewbies) who continue to like (some) of your posts, still haven't come to your defense. If writing about fictional rape, abuse, and incest really and truly wasn't harmful, why would you need to hide?

Once other people started catching wind of what was going on, you responded in some... interesting ways. Like here, in response to this ask (from a person who is a minor BTW). You switched up your story from "I should have tagged my work better" to "everyone hates me now because I forgot to put warnings on ONE story" (which was just blatantly false, as you had been posting other triggering things at the time with no warnings whatsoever.)

It was absolutely ridiculous of you to claim you put warnings on your work when I could scroll down two posts (back before you deleted this) and see a post about Mike beating his kid.

Like... please show me where exactly the warning is?

Then, when this person, (another MINOR, btw!!) posted after reading Mike's breakdown of your behavior, your responded by DMing them a slur.

I don't even know what to say to that. A minor. A slur.

But as much as you like to INSIST your work isn't for minors, you sure seem to interact with them a lot.

This person who reblogged your masterlist? They're a minor.

^^ You can't say you don't want minors to read your work without actually taking all precautions possible to prevent them from seeing it. (Tagging your content, blocking ageless accounts, NOT REBLOGGING MINORS!!!)

Yes. This person is also a minor. Which makes, what, the 4th minor you've interacted with in the past few days? At least from what I can tell.

They also hate you btw so I don't even know why you reblogged them.

FINALLY, this user commented under one of your posts in an attempt to get you to AT LEAST tag your posts correctly if you're going to write triggering shit. (Which was the same think Mike asked you to do, if you remember, but he got "poop" and reblogs of foot fetish posts as a response.)

But then it looked like you either blocked them or removed their comment, so they tried again.

You ignored this message, then apparently posted this?

So they tried again (being much nicer that I would have)

And you finally responded (and still got blocked anyways because your posts are DISTURBING and GROSS)

I doubted you'd actually fix your page, because again, you ignored the same request when Mike asked, and in the past admitted you tagged your fics wrong but just never bothered to change it.

But surprise surprise, you actually went through with it and added trigger warnings to your content.

Though, I'm still not sure "non-serious" is an appropriate tag for a post where mike beats you to death...??

Look. I appreciate that you're at least TRYING now, but it was a fucking FIGHT to get you to do the bare minimum. What I, and apparently 84% of people actually want you to do is delete your account.

(This is from @mike-schmidtten's breakdown post from a couple days ago)

I know you want to PRETEND that just because something is a work of fiction, it doesn't have negative real-world effects, but that's just not the truth.

A lot of people were hurt when you posted things without trigger warnings.

And even now, as you continue to post fetish content for rape, incest, and abuse, people are still being hurt. MINORS are still being hurt.

Yes, obviously, if you post something on the internet, you can't completely 100% control who sees it. But you don't even seem to TRY.

(Dming minors slurs, letting minors reblog your masterlist, letting ageless accounts interact with you, reblogging minors, answering asks from minors, etc)

People, minors, CHILDREN, are raped and abused by those closest to them every day. It's disgusting and horrifying to think about, but it's the world we live in.

You aren't "helping people cope" by writing these stories. You're normalizing abuse. And allowing the most vulnerable people to read it.

You're taking actual things that have happened to real people, and sexualizing it for others to get off to. It's immoral, disturbing, and disgusting.

To my followers, if any of you support this kind of content, you are NOT welcome on my page. Please unfollow or block me and go seek help.

And to you, lamb, I hope you come to your senses and either delete all of your rape & incest fetish content or delete your account entirely.

At the end of the day, you KNOW you're in the wrong. Or at least some small part of you does, or you wouldn't have been afraid to reblog Mike's post and respond defending yourself directly. And you wouldn't be afraid to reblog mine either, which you undoubtedly will.

I know you used to follow me, so maybe you'll take this all to heart. But probably not.

I won't block you. (for the next few days, at least). I'll be here if you want to try and have a civil discussion. But just know I will NEVER agree with the sexualization & glorification of violence and abuse.

[kayewrite]

Stack of Books

(blue sticky note ending #1)

han jisung x reader x ot8!! han x reader!!! word count: 3.2k

Blue note alternative ending 1 wherein; you choose han jisung. the friend you hide your feelings for a long time.

an: i made han first because aside from i love his character here, a lot dm'd me to do him first. and i hope you liked it because i put my emotions doing this.

an2: im tagging random people im sorry. if you want to be tagged, don't be afraid to tell me

part 1 and part 2 first

Han Jisung is a friend.

That's what you always told yourself whenever you looked at him and felt the butterflies rumbling in your stomach. But when did those feelings start?

It began the day he sang a song just for you.

You always thought of Han as studious, always with his nose in his stack of books, glasses perched on his nose. Whenever exams loomed, you'd choose him as your study partner, knowing his dedication would motivate you to work harder too. He was the perfect study buddy—focused, reliable, always encouraging you when you felt overwhelmed.

You knew he loved to sing; he often harmonized with Chan, his voice effortlessly slipping into the role of a vocalist whenever they worked on a track together. But seeing him holding a guitar, carefully tuning it, that was something new. Something that stirred a different feeling in you.

When he started singing, that’s when it happened—the spark that set everything else in motion. You were in middle school then, and though you were too young to fully understand it, you knew something had shifted inside you.

From that moment on, you hid your feelings. You were terrified that the bond you'd built would change, that Han would notice the way you lingered a little too long when your eyes met. Besides, it didn’t seem like he was ready for anything more than friendship.

When you first met him, he was crying, heartbroken. That image stuck with you, the way his eyes were red and puffy, the way his voice cracked as he tried to explain what had happened. It made you think, Han must have trauma with love. So you buried your feelings even deeper, where he wouldn’t find them.

As the years passed, you both entered college. Han was as hardworking as ever, never sticking to just one job, always pushing himself to do more. He was always busy, always moving. And that, too, kept your feelings locked away.

But then, when you found out he liked you, it felt surreal. How could this be happening? And when you realized it wasn’t just him… that others had feelings for you too, the weight of it all came crashing down. You felt miserable, confused. How did it all come to this?

You cried in your room, your mind swirling with questions and doubts. You didn’t want to choose anyone because you were terrified it would break the friendships you’d worked so hard to build. But deep down, you knew the real reason—there was someone already in your heart, and the thought of choosing him terrified you.

Love is hard, Han had once said to you, and now, more than ever, you understood what he meant.

You’d always been in love with your friend, Han Jisung. And when you received that blue note, a part of you desperately wanted to believe it was from him. But when the truth came out—that everyone had feelings for you—your instinct was to bury your love even deeper, where it couldn’t hurt anyone.

A sudden knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts. You opened it, and there he was—Han, standing in the dim light of the hallway.

Without a word, you collapsed into his arms, letting the tears you’d held back for so long finally flow. All the emotions you’d kept bottled up spilled out as you clung to him, needing the comfort of his presence.

“I’m so sorry,” Han whispered, his voice trembling. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. We didn’t mean to make you feel this way. Chan talked to us… he told us everything.”

You pulled back slightly to look at him. His eyes, even in the dark, were shining with a sadness that mirrored your own.

“It’s not your fault,” you said softly, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. “I just… I never expected things to turn out like this.”

Han’s gaze dropped to the floor, his expression pained. “I should have kept it to myself. None of this would have happened if I had just—”

“Don’t say that,” you interrupted, your voice firmer now. “It’s not your fault.”

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the weight of everything unsaid hanging in the air. Then, as the silence grew heavier, you spoke, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.

“I liked you, Han. I’ve always liked you.”

The confession slipped out, and you immediately regretted it, your heart pounding in your chest. Han’s eyes widened, surprise and something else—something unreadable—flickering across his face.

“You… you liked me?” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, looking away, your cheeks burning. “I'm sorry. I can't help but…to say it."

But instead of pulling away, Han took a step closer, his hand gently tilting your chin up so you were forced to meet his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared,” you admitted, your voice trembling. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And then, when I found out about everyone else… I thought it would be better to just keep it to myself.”

Han’s grip on your chin softened, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. “I wish you’d told me,” he said quietly, his voice tinged with regret. “I wish I’d known.”

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the air thick with everything left unsaid. Then, almost as if he couldn’t stop himself, Han leaned in closer, his face inches from yours.

But just before your lips could touch, you turned your head away, breaking the moment. “I can’t, Han,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

He froze, his breath hitching as he realized what you meant. “I… I understand,” he said, pulling back slightly, though the hurt in his eyes was clear. “But why? Why are you so scared? Is it because you’re afraid of hurting others?”

You nodded, unable to meet his gaze. “I don’t want to lose anyone. I don’t want to break the friendships we’ve built.”

Han was silent for a moment, then he gently took your hand in his. “Why don’t you just choose yourself?” he asked quietly. “Choose what you want. Listen to your heart, not what you think others want.”

His words hit you like a wave, the simplicity and truth of them sinking in. Slowly, you turned back to him, and as your eyes met, you saw something in his gaze that gave you the courage to lean in this time.

--

Monday arrived with a heaviness in your chest that you couldn't quite shake. You walked into school, trying to appear normal, but the weight of everything that had happened over the weekend lingered in your mind. As you entered the classroom and took your seat, you could feel the eyes of Changbin and Seungmin on you, their concern palpable even without words.

You glanced up and forced a small smile, hoping it would be enough to ease their worries. Changbin returned the smile, though you could see the tension in his expression soften slightly.

The day dragged on, with every minute feeling like an hour. Your thoughts kept drifting back to the events that had turned your world upside down.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you began to pack your things, your movements slow and deliberate. You were lost in thought when Changbin suddenly appeared beside you, his presence breaking through your reverie. Without a word, he reached out and gently took hold of your wrist.

“Let’s talk,” he said, his voice quiet but firm.

Before you could respond, he was already guiding you out of the classroom, his grip on your wrist both comforting and insistent. You glanced back at Seungmin, who was watching the two of you with an unreadable expression. He didn’t say anything, just gave you a slight nod, as if to give his silent approval for whatever conversation was about to unfold.

Changbin led you to an empty room, far from the prying eyes of your classmates. The door closed behind you with a soft click, sealing the two of you in a bubble of tense silence. He let go of your wrist slowly, his fingers lingering for just a moment before he stepped back, giving you space.

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The quiet between you was thick with unspoken words and emotions that neither of you knew how to express. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, the anxiety twisting in your stomach as you waited for him to speak.

Finally, Changbin broke the silence. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low and filled with regret.

You blinked, not expecting those words to be the first thing out of his mouth. “Why would you be sorry?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He looked down at the floor, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. “Because… I know this has been hard on you. I didn’t want to make things complicated. I didn’t want to scare you.”

His words hung in the air, and you felt a pang of guilt twist in your chest. You understood what he was trying to say. Love wasn’t something anyone could control, and feelings, once they took root, were difficult to stop. You knew that all too well.

“I understand,” you said softly, trying to find the right words. “But you don’t have to apologize for how you feel. None of this is your fault.”

Changbin looked up at you then, his eyes filled with a sadness that took your breath away. “I didn’t want anything to change between us,” he admitted, his voice wavering. “That’s why I was a coward. I couldn’t bring myself to say it, so I… I put that note in your binder instead. Like Minho said… it was a coward’s move.”

You hesitated for a moment, the truth sitting heavily on your tongue. But you knew you couldn’t keep it to yourself any longer. “Changbin… I need to tell you something,” you began, your heart racing. “I like Han.”

The words fell from your lips, and you watched as they hit Changbin like a physical blow. His eyes widened, and for a moment, he looked like he’d been punched in the gut. But then he quickly composed himself, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said, though his voice was strained. “I kind of figured… I mean, I always noticed how you looked at him. It’s okay. We can still be friends, right?”

You nodded, though you could see the hurt in his eyes, the way he was trying so hard to pretend it didn’t matter. “Of course, we can,” you assured him, even though you both knew things wouldn’t be the same.

Changbin’s smile faltered, and he looked away, swallowing hard. “This is my punishment,” he said, more to himself than to you. “For playing around with hearts… for being careless.”

“Changbin…” you started, but he shook his head, cutting you off.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll take it. I’ll take the punishment,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “But I just want you to be happy, okay? Even if it’s not with me.”

With that, he turned and left the room, leaving you standing there with the weight of his words pressing down on you.

-

Jeongin, who always had a knack for making sure you were okay, suddenly sent you a text.

Jeongin: "Hey, how are you?"

You stared at the screen for a moment, unsure of how to respond. The events of the day weighed heavily on your heart, and for once, you decided not to hide it.

You: "I'm not okay."

His reply came almost instantly.

Jeongin: "Where are you? Let me treat you to your favorite toothpaste-flavored ice cream."

Despite everything, you couldn’t help but smile at his offer. Jeongin knew you too well. The thought of him wanting to keep things normal, to not let anything change between you, filled you with a warmth that eased some of the tension in your chest.

You agreed to meet him at the usual ice cream shop, the one that always smelled of fresh waffle cones and sugary sweetness. When you arrived, Jeongin was already there, waiting for you with a familiar smile. He handed you your favorite mint chocolate ice cream without a word, as if it were a remedy for all your troubles.

You sat down across from him, and he watched you eat, his eyes filled with a quiet concern. He always had this way of making you feel like everything was going to be okay, even when it wasn’t.

After a few minutes, Jeongin finally spoke up. “So, did you talk to Han?”

His question caught you off guard, and your hand froze mid-bite. The truth was, Jeongin knew more than you’d ever admitted out loud. He’d seen it long before you were willing to accept it yourself—the way your eyes lingered on Han, the way your heart seemed to beat a little faster whenever he was near.

Jeongin had always known.

You looked down at your ice cream, unable to meet his eyes. “Yes,” you murmured.

Jeongin nodded, as if he expected that answer. “You know,” he began, his voice gentle, “I’ve known for a while that you liked Han. I saw it from the beginning.”

You felt a lump form in your throat, and tears welled up in your eyes. Before you could wipe them away, Jeongin slid a tissue across the table, his lips curving into a soft smile.

“You look like a kid right now,” he teased lightly. “You’re a year older than me, but sometimes it feels like you’re years younger.”

His playful tone made you laugh, even as you took the tissue and dabbed at your eyes. Jeongin always had a way of lightening the mood, of making everything seem a little less heavy, a little less painful.

“What’s your plan?” he asked, his tone turning more serious.

You sighed, shaking your head. “I don’t know, Jeongin. I really don’t know.”

He grinned, leaning back in his chair. “Well, if you don’t know the answer, I’m always here, you know. Just in case.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his playful tone, and Jeongin joined in, his laughter warm and genuine. The sound of it eased some of the burden you’d been carrying, and for a moment, you could almost forget the chaos that had become your life.

Then Jeongin’s expression softened, and he reached across the table to take your hand in his. “Whatever happens, I’ll always be here for you,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity. “As a friend.”

You looked into his eyes, seeing the unwavering support and care that had always been there. Jeongin wasn’t just saying it to make you feel better; he truly meant it. No matter what happened, no matter how complicated things became, you knew you could always count on him.

And that realization brought you a comfort that you desperately needed.

--

You watched Han from your seat, your gaze fixated on him as he stood behind the counter of the library. His attention was focused on the task at hand, scanning the barcodes of borrowed books with a meticulous precision. The afternoon sunlight streamed through the windows, casting a soft glow on his features, highlighting the way his glasses framed his eyes. Every now and then, he would adjust them, a small habit you found oddly endearing.

He was always so serious when he worked, so dedicated and focused. It was one of the many things you admired about him. There was something about the way he moved, the quiet efficiency in his actions, that never failed to draw you in.

As you continued to watch him, lost in your thoughts, he suddenly looked up. Your eyes met, and for a moment, the world around you seemed to fade away. Han’s expression softened, and he offered you a small, warm smile. It was a smile that reached his eyes, causing them to crinkle at the corners in that familiar way that always made your heart flutter.

You smiled back, your lips curving into a soft grin, the connection between you lingering in the air.

Now, the two of you were seated across from each other at one of the small wooden tables nestled in a quiet corner of the library. Han had finished his shift and joined you without a word, simply taking a seat opposite you. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable; it was filled with an understanding that had developed over years of friendship.

You found yourself just looking at him, really looking at him, and suddenly, the weight of everything you’d kept hidden felt overwhelming. The feelings you had tried so hard to suppress, to deny, surged to the surface with a force that left you breathless. You realized, with startling clarity, just how much you liked him—how much you had always liked him.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you reached out, your hand trembling slightly as it found his. His skin was warm against yours, and the simple act of holding his hand felt like a bridge you were finally crossing after standing on the edge for so long.

Your thoughts raced back to all the times you had convinced yourself to stay silent, to keep your feelings hidden for the sake of your friendship. You had tried so hard, told yourself that it was better this way, safer. But now, sitting here with him, with his hand in yours, it all felt so futile, so unnecessary.

A small, bittersweet smile played on your lips as you finally allowed the truth to escape. “I like you, Han.”

The words felt both wrong and right at the same time. Wrong because you had been so determined to never let them slip, and right because, at this moment, it felt like a release, a weight lifted off your shoulders. The vulnerability in your voice made your heart race, but it also brought a sense of relief you hadn’t expected.

Han’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but only for a moment. Then, his expression softened, and he squeezed your hand gently. “You don’t know how much I like you.”

A quiet, shared laugh bubbled up between you, both of you mindful of the library’s hushed atmosphere. It was a laugh filled with nervousness and relief, a shared understanding that you had finally crossed a line that had been looming between you for so long.

As you sat there, your hands still intertwined, you realized something important. No matter how hard you had tried to control your feelings, to dictate what your heart should or shouldn’t do, it was impossible. The heart had a mind of its own, leading you to places you hadn’t expected, to emotions you hadn’t planned.

You couldn’t force yourself to stop liking him, just as you couldn’t force your heart to stay silent any longer. And now, sitting here with Han, his hand in yours, you were glad you hadn’t tried to.

----

blue sticky note part 1. part 2.

an: ill do minho next

@rose-strk @spearbinnie0327 @ihrtlix @dontaskmemybias @kay-bear200 @hpnsfwaddict @hug4helios @furioussheepluminary @stay-tiny-things @velvetmoonlght @thejentheredhead @wolfiescosplay @eatjin97 @sleepytemper @tajannah-price1 @butterflydemons @just-a-mindless-reader

[dailydegurechaff]

SO. tumblr's doing communities now.

If you haven't heard, Tumblr's got some new beta feature going on called communities. I know next to nothing about it beyond what's in that link. I think it's something like a subreddit? Nevertheless I was like "Hey this could be fun!" so when they announced it was in beta I submitted an application.

Today it was approved! Hooray! Youjo Senki Appreciators is now live (The name is a little silly, I know. I do not think I can change it right now, nor the icon or header. i don't see any settings button...)

The feature is very heavily in beta, but I was hoping we could make a friendly little community. Post about your headcanons and ideas, your fics, fan art, recommendations, whatever you want related to Youjo Senki :)

It's public to view, but currently it's invite only. I don't think think I can change the invite status to allow applications, so I'm fairly certain i have to do manual invites. Just reply to the post if you want to join :)

When you get an invite, you should be dm'd a link by @/tumblrbot. Worth noting that Tumblr's app doesn't seem to have a button to access the community yet, so you'll want to keep the link it sends (or the one just above) if you wanna access it on mobile for now. If you're on desktop, you can access it on the sidebar once you join.

Edit: tumblr mobile makes a liar out of me. there is now in fact an update to add the section for communities in the app.

[incorrect-dimension20]

So if this new season is DM'd by Aabria as suspected, we can know one thing for sure-

It will most likely be about a group of people who are new and/or weird in their community and decide to save the world from an oppressive regime/plot even though they had little to no personal stake in said community (cause they just got there/the community ostracized them) probably with themes on family, with some great PC/PC romance, and a few genderqueer characters that we all love.

[nixie-writes]

Hopefully a simple request, just something I've not seen a lot off but understandably so. Any chance for a romantic/fluff Velvette x male reader where she's somehow developed feelings for them and wants to admit/show them? To clarify I'm not asking for smut with it.

-Velvette, as we know, is a big fan of fashion. She practically made the industry in Hell, and as she said herself, her influence on the internet makes her the "backbone" of the V's.

-so, if she caught feelings for someone, and she wanted to pursue them, she would start by promoting them on her Instagram. She'd boost their posts on Twitter, retweet selfies saying something like "damn [Y/N] looking good! But I can hook you up with a better style."

-and so the trap was laid. She DM'd you where to meet her and you arrived a little late because of traffic at this hour but you made it nonetheless. Velvette was doing everything in her power to look calm and collected but inside she was fearful. What if you denied her feelings and told her to never do anything to boost them again?

-clearing her throat after you explained the traffic situation, she offered you a couple bags of clothes from her designer brand. At least $500 worth of clothes.

-taking a deep breath Velvette began to speak. "Look, don't make this a scene or anythin' but I like you, for more than your looks. I think together we'd make a great team, with me as the social product and you behind the scenes." I get the feeling that she's pretty logistical about work, unlike Vox or Valentino. "So, I guess what I'm doin' is... Making a romantic proposal of sorts. Will you be my partner?"

-she held out her hand to you, offering you the opportunity of a lifetime. You knew you'd been following her for a long time and you really liked her as well, so what was there to lose? You took her hand and shook it firmly. "There's no one I'd rather spend my afterlife with," you replied.

[hollow-lime-green]

Can you tell us a little about your D&D stuff? -sincerely an avid dnd player who loves hearing about other people’s characters

aaaa sure!

briefly - when I do actually get to be a player, I fucking love playing rogues. god i am so basic and easy, catch me playing a tiefling/changeling rogue 100% of the time. i am a power gamer though, and i'll take a lot of feats to do all sorts of weird bullshit (and the 2024 thief buffs are going to make me insufferable. fast hands has always been my favorite ability in the game, and now thief is finally good for real and not just by dm fiat).

i like every class except artificer and monk (fine just not for me), but rogues have my heart. in every game, skyrim to borderlands to d&d, I like being a pain in the ass from a long distance away. i don't get to play a lot, so i don't have a lot of characters that i'm super tied to, but right now, i'm essentially playing a cabal of tiefling/changeling rogues (one for every subclass) that are running the underground of my friend's city in a westmarch style progressive series of oneshots he hosts at our local game store.

mainly, though, i have always been a perma-dm of my groups, although I am trying to find a group that rotates better because as it turns out, being a perma-dm can absolutely fuck with your interpersonal relationships. i had a really awesome d&d group in undergrad that I DM'd for, and I have a lot of great memories from that. we played on campus for the first two years, then on roll20 for a few more years after that. unfortunately, as most d&d groups do, we died to the BBEG known as Adult Life Schedules.

since then, I've been DMing semi-regularly at a local game shop, sometimes playing, and I've made a lot of in-person friends. we play both at and outside of the shop, but almost all one-shots, although when I eventually move away from this current location, I will probably try to drag them into an online campaign. lots of dm talk and pictures under the cut, since this will be kind of long. :)

Props!

as a dm, i am very prop focused, i love a good prop. it's the engineer girlie in me. sat night I ran a 12th level one shot for my friends to test out some of the new 2024 rules at high level, and what I'm most proud of was my hidden magnet bridge (see below) - this is a progress pic but I do generally keep my sets pretty minimal aesthetically. anyway this was super fun because i set it up as this precarious bridge that they needed to get across and do some puzzles (hence the set), and then i ambushed them with the hidden magnets (actual reason for the set).

this is one of my faves from maaaaany years ago. i could do it better if I tried it again, but it's tough. this was for an encounter where an enemy was locally changing the direction of gravity, so the set rotated. it was surprisingly stable but difficult to play on due to the fact that you have like 270 degrees of the table that can see and then whoever is behind the wall (the dm) can't see shit. this was during my in-person UG years, so baby engineer but still making it work.

this is something I've done more recently that is more minimalist but insanely effective as a minigame. i had some players navigating through a space field, so they had to plot a course through this minefield and peel off the tape stickers one by one to see if they hit a danger. again, left is a progress pic. they all got blacked out. the right one was actually my dm key during the session lol, so I knew what they were gonna hit before they hit it.

I do a lot of mini prop pieces to go on top of my battle map as terrain, mostly cardboard just to give height and make things a bit more dynamic. and i'll usually have some lair action that rotates or takes away some of that terrain. one other thing I'm playing around with is this plexiglass transparent overlay designed for water combat, so I can put biiiiiig bad guys underneath the party. that one is for a oneshot based on the game DREDGE (which I highly recommend by the way - fishing survival cozygame with an eldritch monstrous flair). this lighthouse works as a sanity indicator, so as the party loses sanity (due to the eldritch fish), I can change its color.

i have no idea how i've run this game like 7 times and yet I can't find any pictures of it, but I have a one-shot that is based on Potion Permit (another farming sim cozygame) where the players collect these tiny cardboard tetris pieces and have to use them to complete tetris piece recipes to make potion and Save The Town From Illness! players love a prop, players love a minigame, and i love running those things as well.

Characters!

I have a lot of DMPCs that I love from my long campaigns, but DMPCs can be irritating, so i have shifted away from character-driven things for my oneshots. when I go back to doing campaigns, I'm going to try to do them better? I don't know, getting people invested in OCs whether it's writing or ttrpg is always sort of a challenge. players get invested in the bonds between the party but not often in their actual NPCs. So I'm not going to yap about them too much, but I'll list the concepts of my fave DMPCs:

blind bard who sees through a force field cantrip like cat whiskers - later becomes a seer (like divination) at the cost of losing his blindsight due to Player-Caused Apocalypse. becomes an unwilling consort to an archdevil who rules the wastelands after Player-Caused Apocalypse.

red hag who used a wish spell to free herself of pacts of loyalty but as a consequence cannot form lasting relationships with any creature, and cannot wish again. trying to make a Deck of Many Things to get more wishes and fix this (doomed)

half-fey archer with the mantle of the summer court trying to avenge her parents killed by the winter court, warrior softened by the touch of a woman (autumn fey cottagecore mom friend with an aussie accent). they were fun because the party actually got really invested in them and they got to complete their love story :)

spellthief rogue champion of the gods caught in a messy 'the parents are fighting' situation where the aspects of law and chaos fight. she is going to make a return when i start my next campaign because it's going to be a time loop situation, and she'll be the one resetting the timeline and trying to make off-screen changes (killing monarchs, planting magic items) to affect the future.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Would love to hear about The Gang Plays D&D :)

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH

I'm SO CLOSE to being finished with this fic. By which I mean I'm 40k in and praying it doesn't go over 50k. Please little fic, please, I'm begging you, do NOT grow up big and strong, stay a reasonable length!

For those of you who might be new and missed the various snippets I've shared, this fic is about the 118 starting a D&D campaign DM'd by Bobby where Buck and Eddie promptly romance one another's characters and refuse to admit that they're romancing one another in real life. Shenanigans ensue.

"What kind of shenanigans?" you ask. Well, I'm so glad you did! Have a snippet:

I want that. I want you. His hips twitch, trying to rut up into the heel of his hand where it’s pressed to his cock. Eddie breathes carefully through his nose. He is not going to get off to this. He’s not. Atton’s going kiss him a lot for that. And then he’s going to wait is there lube? There’s lube in this setting right? Do not fucking text Bobby to ask him if this setting has lube. Yes it has lube. People are people, Buck. Okay but like. What is the lube like. Would we have any? Do you want to roll for it? There’s a suspiciously long pause so Eddie adds, Buck for the love of god you are not rolling a d20 to find out if our characters have lube. They have something, okay? They have like face cream that can also be used as lube. Hey now a lot of creams are topical use only! Buck you have a man with his legs spread willing to fuck you, you have lube. Christ yeah okay fine there’s lube. Eddie closes his eyes, switches to voice-to-text, and resigns himself to burning in Hell. “Pass it to me. I want to feel you open up on my fingers.” He’ll make a really embarrassing noise at that. Eddie can’t help the smirk that slides across his face, imagining Buck responding for real. “Aww, was that a whine, sweetheart?” Fuck you no it wasn’t. Help me out of this stupid robe. “With pleasure.” Buck’s response comes in suspiciously fast given all the words it contains and how much typing it would’ve needed. It’s going to take a minute because I’m going to keep kissing you. Kind of hard to undress each other when we keep kissing but I don’t care I don’t want to stop. You feel really good against me.

Surely this is completely normal behavior and won't blow up in their faces. :3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for going no-contact without warning in perhaps the pettiest way i could?

Context: I(20m) had a falling out with my friend (18m) about 2 years ago. We were in this discord server with our friends, and I woke up one morning to find it gone. I asked him, and he dm'd me and began with "I just wanna say, I mean this respectfully;" followed by THE LONGEST RANT about a bunch of things I did (including not giving feedback on other people's art, dominating the conversation, and being "hard to corral into one topic" which i still don't fully get). He said "everyone else in the server feels the same, you make people really uncomfortable." I asked who had what gripes, so I could apologize, but he said nobody really wanted to hear it and this was a mutual decision. I respected that, cried for a day or two, moved on.

Enter a few months ago. I up-heaved my entire online presence, recreating my friend group from the ground up with people who were more up to my style of interaction, and got better with boundaries. We open a roleplay server for a fandom my old friend liked, and it'd been a few years, so I decided to hit him up, invite him and try to mend some things. I was different after all.

Shit hits the fan, let me keep it brief- a different friend (it/its) makes a comment about eating something that's gonna make it sick later, because it has IBS but it's fuckin hungy and wants pepper poppers. The old friend dms it and says "hey, you shouldn't talk about self harm in this channel, it's gonna make people uncomfortable!!!" Which. first of all, yikes, but secondly, nobody else seemed uncomfortable. I was in a vc with my friends which is where it told me about the dms, and everyone else agreed that yeah, he seemed to be overreacting a little. But I started piecing shit together.

Even though I never talked to most of the people from the old server ever again, none of them reached out to me either. Not even to ask for an apology or where I'd gone. I was just kind of relying on what my friend said to be true. I asked someone from that server, and they said that besides a few gripes mentioned here and there, nobody seemed that uncomfortable with me. In fact, many of them- whom i hadn't spoken to in two years- asked where i went.

I got pissed, and probably could have handled it better, but I didn't wanna see his face anymore. So I removed him from the server, and when he asked me why, all I said was: "I just wanna say, I mean this respectfully;" and blocked him. Part of me still thinks about it. I felt like a hypocrite, and wanted to explain what I'd found out and ask him about it instead of jumping to conclusions, but the deed was done and I figured I'd feel better if I ignored it. I do feel a little better, but I just wanna know if I was the asshole.

What are these acronyms?

[nerdywriter36]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Thank you @brendadaaedestler for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

30 as it stands!

What's your total AO3 word count?

591,986

Your top 5 stories by kudos:

Sticky Notes and Serendipity // collab with @brendadaaedestler // Erik/Christine long-fic // 224 kudos

Say You'll Share With Me // oneshot collection, mostly Erik/Christine // 143 kudos

Our Little Home // oneshot // Erik/Christine // 139 kudos

Starting Fresh // twoshot // Erik/Christine // 99 kudos

my heart is home when my hand is in yours // oneshot collection, collab with @brendadaaedestler // mostly Erik/Christine // 83 kudos

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always do! I love seeing readers interacting with my fics and sharing what they enjoyed about them, and I always want to show my appreciation for those comments. The only reason I wouldn't is if I missed it somehow or if my frequent co-author has beaten me to the punch and replied already.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

It's probably Sleep So Long Awaited, which is a play on the end of LND where Erik dies instead of Christine. It's sad, it's got sad Gustave, a moment of peace between Erik and Raoul, and...well, Erik dies. It's not a happy story.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I would definitely say Sticky Notes and Serendipity! The epilogue hasn't gone up yet, but it's super fluffy and sweet, and the entire fic just came to such a happy, wonderful ending. You'll see what I mean on Saturday 😉

Do you write crossovers?

I don't, no. I might write fics inspired by another piece of media, but I wouldn't think I would ever write a proper crossover.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not direct hate? I once received some criticism that was DM'd to me that was definitely not asked for and unnecessary, so that sucked. It was really a big blow to me, and I considered taking down that fic after receiving that comment because it made me super insecure about the entire format of the fic. It came from a person who had been very supportive of my stories for a long time, which made it even worse. Thankfully, my best friend convinced me not to take the fic down, and my critic has now been exposed for not being a good person, so it all worked out in the end.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't write it and I won't be writing it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, I have had my fics scraped and posted on other websites at least twice, either by bots or by another user.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not! Someone offered to translate Like Father, Like Son, but my coauthor on that story was not keen on the idea. It's something I would have to consider because I think I would worry too much about my style and plans for the story being lost in translation and I wouldn't be able to really tell. I wouldn't totally write it off, though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Ohhhh yes! Like Father, Like Son was my first collaboration, and I write probably about half of my fics these days with my best friend @brendadaaedestler. We have something in the works for NaNoWriMo as we speak!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Definitely Erik/Christine, I love writing with them and reading about them so very much.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

It's not one that I don't think I will ever finish, but I think it will be a while before No Need For Goodbyes ever gets finished. I would love to go back to it, but I've been away from that cast of characters for so long that it can be hard to slip back in. My coauthor also no longer has the time to work on it with me, and it is a very time-consuming project, so I'm not sure when I will get back to it.

What are your writing strengths?

I think that dialogue is definitely my strength. It comes very easily to me and it's something that I always enjoy getting to write.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting lost in the dialogue! Sometimes I get so caught up in what the characters are saying and the emotions that they're expressing that the writing can get dialogue-heavy. I always have to make a conscious effort to include scene descriptions, settings, and descriptions of the character's bodies and expressions.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

This is an interesting question that I honestly don't think about a ton lol? I've always been pretty content writing Phantom fic and don't really have the inspiration to jump into other fandoms. Shipwise, I've only written sporadic Meg/Erik fic and only a long time ago, so that one could be fun to explore. There is angst there.

What's your favourite fic that you've written?

It was Like Father, Like Son for the longest time because it was my first Phantom of the Opera fic, my first long fic, I loved the characters, etc. I'm still super proud of that story, but I think Sticky Notes and Serendipity takes the cake. It's my first true multi-chapter fic since LFLS, and I can just see how much my style has changed, how much my writing has improved, and it makes me feel really good about myself. I am in love with the versions of the characters that we wrote, and getting to work so much with Erik's anxiety and making it feel so authentic was a crowning achievement for me. Also, seeing all of the love for the story that Chloe and I have written together makes me feel so amazing. Sticky Notes is my favourite for so many reasons.

Tagging: @starlitexpress @intothemertensverse @sloanedestler @ablatheringblatherskite @shinyfire-0 @paperandsong @jennyfair7 and anyone else who wants to play!

[celestialholz]

The apple of my eye (or 'oh good, there's ANOTHER one')

*yeets into the conversation a week late with Starbucks*

Sorry, sorry. Been trying to save a dukedom from a giant brain and live my best happily ever with a vampire twink. Very distracting.

But anyway, I haven't even gotten the boys in my clubroom yet, so more analysis incoming, but I have finished Indigo Disk's main story, and I couldn't help but notice something deeply awful when fighting our little buddy Kieran.

... Oh god THEY'RE MULTIPLYING. How many apples do we need? How much more homosexuality does this game need? (Yes. The answer is 'yes.')

Meet Hydrapple everyone, the latest gay marriage mascot. Truly wish you all could've seen my face when. And it evolves from the last gay marriage mascot! I have quickly become homophobic again, how do they keep managing this?!

So, naturally, we need to break this loveable bastard and its symbolism down, or I might have to start passing the meta queen crown off to someone else. (I vote @prince-kallisto. Friend spare me. 🤣)

Well, we'll begin with the obvious: this thing is a hydra, a multiple-headed dragon in Greek myth. This one in particular has seven, so says the all-knowing dex:

But we'll do the seven part in a minute. The one major thing you should all know is that in most tales, removing one of this thing's heads respawns two in its place - and killing one of these creatures was the second labour of Hercules, the God of Strength. There's that fucking number two again in connection with our boys...

And now, let's take the Greek and easternize it to our lovely Japanese creators with the number seven.

Seven in Japanese culture, like in the western, is seen as a lucky number, and also the number symbolising the cycle of life and death.

... Which, if you recall, is a running theme with our silly men.

Get your life saved, idiot. Be lucky. 🥰

There are also Seven Gods of Fortune in Buddhism, Japan's primary religion. And there's one that rings more than a few ceremonial bells - Fukurokokuju. Bit of a Buddhist lore deepcut here for you:

> He is the god of wisdom, luck, longevity, wealth and happiness. Moreover, he is the only god who was said to have the ability to resurrect the dead. Fukurokuju is characterized by the size of his head, being almost as large as the size of his whole body.

... Hmm. Wisdom, happiness. Luck. 'Resurrecting.' The one that has a large head, like our good pal Hydrapple here... it's all very interesting, isn't it, how it ties together?

And all this goes a long way to explaining the evolution method of this fun little apple-y bastard. Because in order to be lucky, to be brought back to life, to heal and to love and to find yourself... one must have support. A cheerleader, if you will. Not one with pom-poms (although slay Hass babes, you'd look great in that drip), but one cheering you on. Always being in your corner.

... And here we find Dragon Cheer, Hydrapple's evolution move. Brassius can pursue his dreams as passionately as he likes, because there's always a husband at his side to be on his side.

It's a whole narrative, my friends. We have the romantic gift of the Applin; we have the adorableness of the Flapple, and its dusk portrait; we have the total harmony of Dipplin...

... And now we have the result of that harmony. Look, it's even running away from the Ice of the Polar Biome, a type both Grass and Dragon can't stand. The emotional cold.

Y'know, I'm sure someone would have DM'd me by now if Hass and Brass' clubroom banter confirmed their marriage, so I'm going to assume that isn't a thing.

... But at the same time, it's definitely a thing. All you have to do is read the narrative, darlings.

[stormcrow513]

Hey been awhile,

Around a year ago I wrote a vent post about how the crappy neighbors were moving out and king fuckface decided to take one last crap on us,

He'd had some guy mow down all their weeds then he walked around spraying poison aka weed killer all over the whole property,

which do to dickery and bribes to town counsel might as well be planted in my backyard,

The only space I can let my dogs pee,

I am so fucking sensitive to poison I got sick, ma got sick all my dogs were sick,

Bailey my oldest beautiful girl looked like it was going to kill her,

I ranted on here poured my grief and hate out,

Some of y'all saw me sent love back to me and prayers for my Bae,

And she started kicking it she was recovering,

I updated y'all and you were glad to hear it,

one of you even dm'd me later to ask if she was still recovering and I'd been able to reply a happy positive,

Which is why I felt like I had to come on here and let you know

Bailey died today,

And to thank you again for those prayers

I got one more year with her,

She was so amazing she stole one of my mas stuffed bears after like a day with us and would suck on it, she then stole two more, and would not except any additional bears we tried to give her, nope those were here three she stole them herself,

I taught her to jump into my arms,

She watched me squint at the TV and then started squinting her eyes at me,

She would get pissed off if you called her a dog, she was not a dirty dog she was a fur person

I could go on forever,

She was a tough fucking bitch we had to put her down because she absolutely refused to go,

she was fighting death every step,

I'm sure Deaths down a few fingers dragging her across the rainbow bridge while she claws and screams every obscenity I ever taught her,

While I have you,

some of you might remember me talking about the three sibling cats I'd gotten as kittens how the brother Ares had passed in 2019 then Shy decided to go out on the same day as the queen as was Shy right little Drama Queen,

Then it was just Mittens and she started to go down hill was losing interest in food so we got her a kitty I named Circe,

Well Mittens spited herself back to health cause fuck you kitten, and managed kept going through to the beginning of this year and then she just couldn't go on, she curled up in the worst fucking spot so I had to frag her body out after feeling that she was gone,

Like I said absolutely a spiteful shit,

I miss her so much, she loved being held like a baby, she acted more like a dog then a cat, she liked to sit on my shoulder, I have a scar on my shoulder where she got a claw stuck in it one time,

and she loved it when I had long hair shed get up high behind me after I'd showered and comb my hair with her claws,

As I was showering off the pee and poop after cleaning up,

I thought about writing this and ending it here with some kinda sign off,

but as I sat there my mind turning with the sear bullshit that not just this week but my entire fucking life's been,

My brain turned and raged,

You know I love animals way more then I like humans, while I do feel love and empathy towards humanity there are days like today where it's a hard thing and an easy thing,

because I read about Neil Gaiman sexualy assaulting women yesterday which makes me so sick,

But the vet that put down Bailey was so fucking kind,

I joke to people that I was raised by dogs,

It's not really a joke,

My ma has been the only human to truly love me,

My sperm donor Dennis is an absolute abusive joke of a human being whose still fucking alive and I have to live with him

My oldest sister is dead and while I think she loved me a bit she never watched out for me

And my second sister beat me, raped me, gaslit me fucking constantly, the real deal not the way people incorrectly use that word, and almost killed me a lot,

Ma worked constantly, still does, she is only now (as I'm beginning to talk about things) finding out just how often I was left to my own supervision,

But Lady and Tramp

And yes we had two dogs named Lady (German shepherd) and Tramp (husky/wolf)

They, took care of me Tramp even more reared me like I was his own,

I tussled and played with their puppies, grew up beside them

Watched Lady die when I was 7,

Rusty one of their babies my big brother ma and I buried together when I was 5 After Dennis threw rat poison around the house to kill the mice and killed Rusty

I watched Corky die and then Trampy and Sammy and then Rusty and Sammy's boy Socks

They were my family

Every dog and cat I've had has been my family,

And thinking about them all today

Thinking about this world we're all living in,

Something I want to say

There is no overarching Justice

No grand moment where evil men or women are struck down by righteous gods

Maybe that shit happened or maybe they were stories I don't fucking know I wasn't alive back then I'm alive now

And now, there are no saviors

There is just me, just you

And the choices we make

Martin Luther King Jr said something about how the long arch of history bends towards justice,

But he and people like him bent it towards justice with their bare hands and their very lives,

All we have achieved for justice for equality have been done by mortal living hands

And we cannot fucking give up

Don't listen to those people telling you it's hopeless that the world is evil

The world is beautiful

The stars, the rainbows, the thunder and lightning, the frogs so small they can sit on a finger nail, the mountains, mouse, geese, the castles and pyramids the things our ancestors created, ect

Hell the bit of plastic and wires and weird rock you are reading this on, isn't that cool,

Yeah there's downsides to it we need to figure out how to do it better,

We need to figure out how to do it better.

All of it.

And we will,

because we always do.

So don't listen to the people that say to give up that it's to late,

Just because they've given up doesn't mean you have to

I'm hurting I'm going to hurt for the rest of my life,

But I would not take a minute of it back not a moment,

My life has been full of pain but also full of love,

I wanted to die for a time, a long time,

But there is so much in this world to love,

I want to live,

I want to keep falling in love over and over again,

In love with animals,

the ones I adopted into my family

ones a half a world away,

Fucking platypus the most animal to animal,

The rain every fucking time it hits my roof or my head,

I hope I'll get a chance to fall in love romantically one day but I'm ok if I don't there's so much else to love,

And I'm going to fight The Fight for the rest of my life because all these things I love are worth fighting for,

I'm not in a position right now to do the things I want to but,

I can do some things,

I can do ofwoodandbones lost dog spell to help strangers get their lost pets back, which I've successfully done more then once,

I collect cans and recycle

I pour stale water out on plants rather then down the drain,

I planted a bunch of plants in my backyard bees fucking love

I vote, I vote smart and don't throw my vote away for a false sense of moral superiority,

So

Find something to love to love it hard and do what you can to protect it,

Doesn't matter what,

Everything matters,

Love shit, protect it,

Don't give up,

To all y'all who are my allies in The Fight,

May the great Titan Witch light your way, may you find your path or make one, may you love and be loved, may your body be strong enough to hold your spirit