#waugh i hate this BODY

[tianshiisdead]

send me some asks (thoughts or literally anything else) on mr japan please please idc if ur not even following me im bored and sad 🙏 i might even draw some of it pls pls pls

[spocks-kaathyra]

it's really pretty rare for me to experience honest-to-god dysphoria but rn...... ough. why does my face Look Like That

[autism-corner]

hate it that feelings are visible to others.

[rohansoutsidemydoor]

im really sorry for the lack of content and the poor quality shitposts I've been making (and the lack of it per se)

I've been feeling, not burn out technically, but just I wanna sleep so much but I really wanna do a lot of work at the same time.

my brain's been on autopilot for so long and I just can't rn

I'll be making as much content as I can still <3

[terresdebrume]

what happened with the magicians?

This got really long so we're using a cut. TW for references to depression, suicide, queerbating an possession under that.

Okay so. The (original) protagonist of The Magicians is Quentin Coldwater. Quentin is established from his very first shots to be depressed enough to warrant a stay in a mental health facility (can't remember if we actually see him for the first time as he leaves it, but I think that might be the case). He is also very quickly established to have been depressed for a long time and using his favorite books, the Fillory series (an expy of Narnia) as a way to cope through escapism.

In the first episode, Quentin and his best friend Julia are both invited to take the entrance exam to Brakebills University (of magic). Julia fails, Quentin succeeds, cue a lot of magical adventures that reveal Fillory to be a) real and b) a lot darker than the books make it seem.

Throughout the first four seasons, two things are regularly touched on:

Quentin's ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety

Quentin's romantically charged relationship with his friend Eliot Waugh, who is also a mess but in a different way (this is relevant later).

Quentin's mental health is more or less prominent during the show, depending on periods, but one defining moment is when Quentin and his friends are looking for magical keys for Quest reasons, and one of them causes its bearer to suffer from acute depression and commit suicide, often withing 48 hours. During this subplot, Quentin volunteers to hold the key because he's familiar with how not to kill himself, and gets to deliver a powerful speech about the fact that he's been beating his natural depression for years, which means the key doesn't stand a chance against him... which is later proved right since Quentin doesn't kill himself and the quest succeeds.

The Quentin/Eliot relationship also has its more or less romantically charged moments. However, a key subplot is that during the quest for keys, Quentin and Eliot end up trapped together in a different time, where they eventually get together, adopt a son, and grow old together until Eliot dies of old age, allowing Quentin to find the Life Key and further their current quest. When they go back to their own time, young again, Quentin asks Eliot out, citing their lifetime together as a solid "proof of concept" but Eliot, for many reasons, gets scared and turns Quentin down. (If memory serves, he pretends to have forgotten the parallel life, but don't quote me on that.)

Anyway, the next season, as a result of the keys quest, Eliot is possessed and trapped in his own body/mind. Quentin is hellbent on getting him back and pretty much the only one who believes there's anything to get back after a while. Meanwhile, Eliot is trapped in his own mind and discovers that the key to getting back in control of his body (however briefly) is to go into his worst memory, which turns out to be...the day he turned Quentin down instead of getting together with him. Cue a self-hating monologue, Eliot showing Quentin he's alive by referencing the asking out conversation, and resolving to ask Quentin out if they survive their current arch-villain.

Eliot is freed, the quest is not over, so the conversation is postponed, although as I remember it there's an understanding of sorts between Eliot and Quentin (might be misremembering there). At a minimum, the strong implication is that something is going to happen there...except in the very last episode, Quentin sacrifices himself to save everyone in a way that makes him actually ask if he committed suicide, to which the answer was 'you were loved so of course it's not a suicide'

Which not only was strong queerbait* but also the way it was done left me with the distinct feeling that Quentin giving his life up was like. The only 'valid' ending (there was someone else with him who could have been in his place) and to make matter worse, Quentin immediately decides to move on from the afterlife, getting a definite perma-death instead of remaining a character for a while.

It's like... when I try to explain it it feels a bit like I'm reaching because it's a lot of cumulating little things that made it eminently frustrating and just... hurtful. As in, this character who was depressed but managed to carve himself a relatively happy life despite multiple world-ending dangers thrown in his face, who was inches away from getting some more joy in his life from a queer relationship, was unceremoniously killed in a way that implied he'd chosen that for like, "the greater good"!

And to make matter worse, the showrunners afterwards (from what little I saw, someone correct me if they have more accurate info) essentially were like 'well he's depressed anyway so it's only fair'. Which is fucking bullshit.

Eta: At least we got vindicated in some way because after that Season 5 tanked so hard the show got cancelled (COVID probably didn't help either)

*Also reinforced by the fact that Sera Gamble, the showrunner of The Magicians was also the showrunner who brought the Destiel queerbait scandal to Supernatural season 7, with such "subtle" and "accidental" hints as a giant fucking bi flag in the background while Castiel is being admonished for loving Dean too much... anyway, this is getting away from the point of this ask, but it did show Sera Gamble already had some questionable showrunning decisions under her belt.

[skeletalsepulchre]

hi stigmata ik uve alr talked a lot abt like nobimaru n his mum but it still fascinates me a lot.., like can u kinda catch me up to speed about it? does inari know he’s her son like what do u think shell do if sje knows waugh

HOKAY SO.

a lot of things are still very unknown right now but what we do know

-nobimaru is inaris son

-he has pink hair naturally (hes also blondfaking...)

-his goal is "to save yoko inari" (what this means, we dont know, but we know hes dedicated enough to this goal to destroy his own body vis a vis evil arm)

we have a very loose timeline working with a lot of assumptions:

-Inari sends her son out of the kyoto village in order to "make preparations". nobimaru APPEARS to be around 10 in this scene. hes very clearly upset to be leaving her side

-PRESUMABLY shortly after this, inari tells yone she's leaving to go "get the ishimori kitsune (kons clan) on her side", but instead slaughters them and steals the bewitching stone (and kon). kon is ~4

however we now have a lot of questions:

-why is nobimaru blond and agefaking? i had assumed he was trying to trick inari, but after inaris line about "having her son make preparations" and "how useful a tool a child can be", i think she may be very much aware of who he is-- the faking may be in order to not tip off Inugami (or others) as to his identity, but we still can't be totally sure

-WHERE WAS HE? kons been with inari her entire life, regularly doing missions and running errands to the point of being known by the police. she also says she had never seen him before inari replaced her. what the fuck was he doing??? inugami didnt even know she HAD a child, and theyve been loosely colleagues for 10 years.

also, when he says he hates her, i dont think hes lying. he obviously didnt USED to hate her, but from the way that line is delivered to the constant seething resentment he expresses and their general tension, i think its true. he still wants to save her though, and says his goal is "an entirely selfish reason, for nobody but himself" and that hes not a good person.... he loves her he hates her he wants to save her for his own selfish fucked up reasons he tells yone that all inari ever does is lie he calls her a bitch he sacrificed his arm for her i am so fucking invested in seeing where this goes

[jokerlennon]

tagged by @aurelien1944 to talk about five things i like :-)

1 - well the first one has to be chess the musical my best friend.. is it in any real sense "good"? difficult question. is it incredibly fun? yes forever. i personally like it when it's sad and fucked up and florence's father died twenty-five years ago and everybody loses <3 but honestly all versions (and oh boy are there so many versions) have at least some positives to it and a lot of negatives too Perfect Chess does not exist and i don't think it ever will. thank god. i saw it a few days ago they made several weird as shit choices that i didn't like i had the time of my life 💜

2 - hm i have a great fondness for horror i love being scared. that's a lie i hate being scared in general but i love it when a scary movie scares me. you get it. also disgusting bloody gorey body horror practical effects they're so so so cool. im much more fascinated than scared or disgusted usually... sick is the perfect word because wow it IS disturbing usually but also i love sounding like a teenaged boy from the nineties or something. i love a good podcast too archive 81 my best friend archive 81 for example.. i don't read enough horror novels only like 19th century gothic lit i should get into something more modern actually that could be fun...

3 - twin peaks :-) i love it when things are a little strange and unexplained and incredibly earnest about it all. dale cooper is there. i have a lot of feelings about twin peaks but i don't think i can go into it all right now... i have cried to the soundtrack several times let's leave it at that. twin peaks ❤️

4 - i love linguistics most things about language fascinate me the way they change over time the way their rules work the way they interact with each other etcetera... also there's logic to it i love logic. it's like science but with less numbers. waugh i just love languages.... sad thing is you have to memorise words to learn languages i have a knack for grammar rules but i hate learning words especially if they have genders </3 oh well.

5 - discworld i love discworld i started reading them in chronological order AKA from left to right on our entire bookshelf of discworld books a few years ago which from what i've heard from everyone ever isn't ideal but it was FINE i think. (after the tiffany aching books that is i started with those) i only have like two or three books left idk what i'll do with myself if i don't always have one of them lying around somewhere.. they're so good i love them a lot i really enjoy this type of fantasy that takes well-established fairytale and fantasy tropes and subverts them.. like howl's moving castle the only book i read as a five/six yr old that i still like that's a bit off topic though. terry pratchett is a true master of his craft the specific way he writes is delightful to me the books are all so funny the way things that appear to be throwaway gags often come back to be narratively significant is also just incredible. waugh they're good books

tagging @locallibrarylover @porciaenjoyer @nickclose @sludgecorpse or whoever wants mutuals tell me about things u like pleasee

[headphonemouse]

Commentary for chapters 332-349

Ch. 332

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his transcendence and trampled on Ares' incarnation body. It was fortunate that Yoo Joonghyuk came back at a good timing.

"The Earth side is all sorted out?"

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't answer. Ares struggled and his face twisted as he was trampled on by a pair of boots.

Once again gathering evidence for my horse yjh agenda

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Ch. 334

「 (You will die like this.) 」

This was the screen of the vibrating smartphone. I felt the rising waves against my toes and raised my smartphone.

「 (Originally, the fourth revision should've been sent… I think something went wrong.) 」

I knew who was talking. The librarians of the library inside the Fourth Wall. Perhaps they were the ones who sent this.

「 (This is all I can do to help. Even if it is only partly.) 」

There was light interference and sentences rose from the LCD screen. It was as if the contents of the book were summarized.

Did the librarians write the revisions?

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The scene of Kim Dokja saving Yoo Sangah by a miracle only possible for him, it is like Jaehwan and Mino

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Ch. 343

A single portrait was painted by a large number of people. It looked like a banquet of artisans gathered to sculpt a single complete work of art. I was amazed that so many people remembered my mother.

This is what orv is to kdj

Some gazes killed a presence. After some scenarios started, the incarnations died before the eyes of many constellations. They were exposed, peeped at and forced to follow the constellations' desires. Now, these gazes were saving someone.

WAUGH

I stroked Lee Gilyoung's head for a long time and Lee Gilyoung looked up at me helplessly. Shin Yoosung, who was staring at the scene, grabbed my hand and placed it on her head.

I cant wait for this scene to get adapted

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Ch. 344

After entering the game company and becoming independent at home, his* life changed a bit. She also met an interesting person.

「 "Yoo Sangah-ssi. Do you have a mobile phone charger?" 」

The man with a thin face who borrowed her charger.

This 'thin face' description, is it referring to his physical traits or is it the saying that means 'to be shameless'? Because in this situation it seems to be the latter. Shamelessly approaching a coworker he's not that close to in order to borrow a charger, he has his priorities.

*this is referring to Yoo Sangah. It's a translation error

「 "I won't participate in the picnic. I hate climbing mountains the most." 」

Is it because of his time in the military?

XD Then KimCom made him go on the company picnic in the mountains. Whose idea was that?

"Why… was he always looking at the phone with a variety of expressions?"

An expressive reader

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Ch. 345

In order to reach the end of the scenario, it was necessary to accumulate the probability well and not be hated by the Star Stream.

Wait. Probability. That's. Isn't it a measure of how likely a reader is to drop the story? I've always understood it as "how likely a thing could happen" but that doesn't make much sense. Anything can happen in a book. But if the characters' actions are constrained by whether or not the action will make the story lose viewership, then it makes more sense to be so wary of it. It's the tightrope authors constantly walk to tell an exciting, surprising story while not driving their audience away. In ORV, going against probability does not reverse their actions. After saving a person that was not meant to be saved, a probability storm will not strike them dead. But there are other consequences to their actions. If a story cannot exist without a reader, then the characters cannot reach the end of their scenarios if they go against probability too much, because their reader will leave

---

I cant believe KDJ's entire recap of what's going on during ch. 345 is being narrated while he's suffering from a probability storm. And he will continue to suffer for 2 more days?

He's calling this time boring

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Ch. 346

I slept comfortably. It was as deep as when I had been forcibly confined. It felt like fluffy feathers were wrapped around my head. Or maybe someone came into my head and cleared up all the uncomfortable worries.

「 (Dokja-ssi, it is a big deal. Dokja-ssi.) 」

A mysterious voice rang in my head and I got out of bed in a startled manner. A hospital room with no one inside. My skin was tanned after being burnt by the sparks."

Lots of things to talk about here. Now we don't have time to unpack all of that

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Ch. 348

I looked at the people with my horns and wings. [Look at my appearance. Do I look special?] The people were looking up at me with bemused eyes. It was as if they were looking for something inherently special in my appearance. Someone muttered, "…Can we become that?" [You never know what will happen before any scenario ends. Don't give up until the end.]

Hey? Hey Kim Dokja. Generic salary man #2584285067 Kim Dokja. Reader-insert Kim Dokja. Are you aware of your words? Are you aware of who you're speaking to? The incarnations? The readers? This is a bit too on the nose. ORV's got a message and you'd have to have been asleep the whole novel to miss it

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Ch. 349

"Then is Sangah unni alive?" Lee Jihye muttered while sitting down. She couldn't seem to believe it and asked again several times. Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung had tears in their eyes. Lee Hyunsung was standing next to them like a bear.

I really like the way Lee Hyunsung is always hovering around the kids or in their midst, protecting them in and out of all the fighting

[freezegirl]

i mean seriously , what do they expect , you know ? - from Margo.

fillory & further // @actiongal's margo hanson

she wouldn't be surprised to find a thousand years had passed since she flopped down on her bed and stared at the same spot. khione goossens didn't have energy for anything else.

exhaustion froze her features, forcing her to exist in this gelid headspace.

there had been so much fire. so much ash. so many bodies of magic users and non-magic users alike, charred and bent and broken. this has baron battle's trademark written all over it. how the man escaped a maximum security prison, and then once again escaped the commander’s clutches, khione would never understand.

(if the commander - whose magic gives him super strength - and jetstream - whose magic allows her to fly - are the closest thing the world's got to actual superheroes, then baron battle must be, by definition, the closest thing the world's got to an actual super villain. khione's dad certainly seems to think so, seeing as baron forced him into early retirement. and then her mom retired too, in solidarity. now he's a well known actor and she's a well known reality tv personality, and they're never really home and that suits them just fine because, technically, their kid is never really home, either.)

"i mean seriously, what do they expect, you know?" says a voice.

"they expect they can get to baron and they expect us to sit back. they won't let us go rescue ethan, but we're going to," khione says without looking up. she doesn't have to be able to see margo to know she's leaning against the doorway, looking extremely cool.

because, let's face it, margo hanson's the coolest physical kid.

most of the stronghold seven are physical kids too. with the sole exception of layla, but then again, she's at the physical kids cottage so much that she may as well be an honorary member.

all of them are legacies: there's will stronghold, whose magic embues him with super strength as well as the ability to fly; then there is ethan bank, genius and hydromancer to be; then there's the aforementioned layla williams, whose discipline is natural magic; there's also magenta lewis who can shapeshift and whose discipline is unclear; zach braun has the potential to rival alice quinn when it comes to phosphoromancy, if only he'd ever unlock it beyond glowing in the dark.

warren peace makes number six - a pyromancer and, as elliot waugh once put it, walking and talking proof that hate sex can lead to good things. (he'd threatened to set elliot on fire.)

and khione herself rounds out the squad, being the seventh and final member.

the younger of the two moves, then, and sits up with a heaving sigh. "is it too presumptious of me to assume you've come to impart actual wisdom before we leave on our... quest?"

[gaiuskamilah]

^ moodboard of me reading this (affectionate, going insane in the best way possible)

what can i say but that i love their messiness and their complicated relationship and their failmarriage and explosive divorce so much..... they're both so messy and real to me, i love how that came out here!! gaius was terrible and kamilah was too and she can blame him all for it but she wanted to be terrible too, and she'll try to forgive herself and maybe she can find it in her to forgive him? or maybe not? who knows. he loved her and she loved him but that didnt stop him from hurting her, in fact it only enabled him to do so.. but im going off tangent. sorry they make me insane. HFGJDHGDJHGDJGHDJ

Together, they had danced, loved, hated and fought through epochs, their passion always an unbreakable thread. But now, after so many centuries apart, he felt like a stranger to her.

woman screaming dot gif

“Except us. We remain constant through all of it, unchanged.” “Are we truly unchanged?”

REALLY. ARE THEY UNCHANGED REALLYYYYYY (they are not.)

Those hands. Kamilah shivers unwillingly at the familiar warmth, as a surge of memories overwhelm her senses. Oh, how these hands had caressed her so tenderly, sensually for centuries. Traced every curve of her body, memorized her intimately, elicited a range of pleasure and emotions that no other being – man or woman – had been able to match since. How these same hands had also threatened her, hurt her and her loved ones. Caused her uncountable grief and sorrow. He notices the conflicting emotions flashing across her exquisite face and steps closer, sliding his hands up, caressing her arms, shoulders, wanting to ease her pain. Somehow. On impulse, Kamilah reaches out, tracing his cheek with the tips of her fingers. Such familiar features. That soft skin, so warm. He closes his eyes, leaning into her delicate touch. The shadow of a smile dances on the corners of his lips. (...) Gaius gathers her into his arms tenderly. She buries her face into the crook of his neck and breathes in his familiar scent, hints of leather and earthy notes. Allowing herself to be vulnerable for a moment.

i feel so fucking ill (affectionate). after all this time hes still her greatest love and it makes me insane. a thousand years later and she still remembers what he feels like and its familiar and she leans back into it on impulse. thats crazy. THATS CRAZY

“I have waited a thousand years to see you again. For you, my queen, I will wait a thousand more.”

truly EVERYONE PAUSE...... im having an explosive moment

anyway you know i loved this ���� <33 going insane, i may think of this all day........ WAUGH

Redemption is a Perpetual Journey

Series: Bloodbound

Pairing: Kamilah Sayeed x Gaius Augustine

Rating: Mature (angst)

Word count: 1,491

A little birthday gift for the amazing @thosehallowedhalls ! Based on a chat we had... and because you have made me see our dear Gaius in a new forgiving light 🤭 I hope you have an amazing day - you deserve happiness and all good things! I'm so glad I met you, Caro 🌺🎉

The year is 3024.

The world had transformed beyond recognition.

Vast expanses of the earth had become unliveable, forcing its inhabitants to shelter in massive city-states.

The city of Novopolis had risen from the ruins of New York during the times of upheaval.

It sprawls beneath a massive shimmering dome, its skyscrapers reaching for the artificial sky like thousands of jagged steel fingers.

The domes were built centuries ago, consequence of the ozone layer’s depletion. Humankind in its hubris having failed to reverse the climate crisis. This development had been convenient for the vampires who could now walk in the daylight amongst humans, cyborgs and all manner of supernatural beings.

Kamilah Sayeed lands smoothly in a forested park on the outskirts of the glittering, fast-paced city.

A tap on her smartwatch, the lightweight wings disappear into her outfit.

She takes in her surrounding with a sharp glance. Smoothing her sleek dress. The digitally-enhanced fabric changes to align with her desired look – an elegantly dark don’t fuck with me style that makes her feel powerful, in control.

Today, she needs to be in control.

A thousand years had passed since they had defeated the original vampire, the Goddess Rheya. Since that fateful conversation with her sire, her on-and-off lover for nearly two thousand years.

******

2024

“Kamilah… in Japan… you said one good deed doesn’t undo all the evil I’ve caused. How many do you think it would take… to call me friend?”

“Come talk to me in a thousand years. I’ll let you know what I think then.”

“A thousand years…” he smiles wryly, “I suppose I could give it a try.”

*****

Gaius Augustine had been true to his oath.

The vampire had spent the past millennia wandering the known world, hunting down criminals and supernatural villains without reprieve. He seemed to have kept mostly to himself, not staying anywhere long enough to build attachments. Only leaving a trail of whispers of his exploits across continents.

Avoiding all contact with other vampires, anyone from his old life.

That was fine by her.

Kamilah had not wanted to see him. She remained angry at how he had degraded her, corrupted her into becoming a killing machine for thousands of years. But more so, Kamilah was furious at how she had let herself be seduced by his charisma, his allure. Allowed him to tempt her into following his murderous inclinations for so long. No, it would be disingenuous to lay all the blame at her maker’s feet.

And there was the issue of Rheya. Gaius had said she was not completely to blame for his behaviour, though she had locked away his empathy, his ability to feel guilt. How would their lives have turned out without her toxic influence?

At least, the pain had dulled over the centuries.

She had begun to forgive herself.

As for Gaius, she would see.

Kamilah takes a deep breath, composing herself.

The elegant vampire sets off at a leisurely pace, strolling beneath the shade of tall trees.

She heads towards a massive wooden bridge crossing a stream. A vestige of New York. Nothing made of wood was created anymore, the few surviving forests too precious to misuse so.

Kamilah crosses paths with humans, faes and other mystical beings. Most now have artificial limbs and enhancements thanks to growing advancements in biohacking.

Lily would have thrived in this environment.

Kamilah vividly remembers the vibrant, energetic young woman who had sacrificed her life to help defeat Rheya. Lily’s contagious positivity and selflessness had managed to thaw her heart a little.

The other members of their ragtag crew – Adrian, Amy, Jax, Seraphine, Nikhil – also held a soft spot, though each had followed their own paths over the centuries.

“Kamilah.”

Gaius’s soft whisper jolts the woman from her musings.

“A thousand years apart, and yet here we stand.”

He stops a few feet from her, movements uncertain.

Quickly calming her heartbeat, Kamilah takes in his appearance.

Physically, he had changed little. Those same handsome, sharp features. That charming, deviously seductive smile. That ageless face.

Though a constellation of new scars told a story, centuries of rough living. His blue eyes now held a certain melancholy.

“I’ve missed you.”

He smiles tentatively, his angular face softening slightly.

Kamilah remains silent. Observing him.

Attempting to process the chaos of emotions churning deep within her.

Together, they had danced, loved, hated and fought through epochs, their passion always an unbreakable thread. But now, after so many centuries apart, he felt like a stranger to her.

Kamilah’s gaze turns away, sweeping over the cityscape.

“Novopolis. A monument to human resilience. And yet, it lacks the wild beauty of our old world.”

They lean against the worn bridge, staring out at the jagged skyscrapers. Letting the sunlight warm their exposed skin. The dome above them hums softly, shielding them from the toxic atmosphere beyond.

“That is does. I miss the vast forests of old. How one had to spend months hidden on cramped ships to travel between continents. Spend weeks on horseback, traversing vast fields and woodlands, our bodies stiff with the harsh journeys. I had never felt more alive. Now, everything feels fast-paced, ephemeral.”

“Except us. We remain constant through all of it, unchanged.”

“Are we truly unchanged?”

Gaius asks, turning to her, gazing into her eyes intently. As if her response meant everything to him. Could perhaps redeem him.

Kamilah returns his gaze. Silent. Her face an undecipherable mask.

The man sighs.

“I have done my best to atone for my past deeds. Though it can never erase all the harm I’ve brought this world, I dare hope that somewhere down the line, I… I will begin to hate myself less. And perhaps, so will you…”

Those last few words are whispered. A confession to himself, to her.

Kamilah’s gaze finally softens. The tension eases from her shoulders.

“Gaius, for the longest time I have blamed you for our bloody rampage across Europe. For nearly destroying New York. Killing Amy, and countless others. Truth be told, I have my share of misdeeds to atone for. I am still working on forgiving myself."

Gaius takes her hands in his, willing her to look at him.

“My dear, you have always been the greater one. My moral compass. I will forever regret not heeding your advice during my darkest moments. Gods if I could take it all back…”

“But we can’t. We can only move forward.”

Those hands. Kamilah shivers unwillingly at the familiar warmth, as a surge of memories overwhelm her senses. Oh, how these hands had caressed her so tenderly, sensually for centuries. Traced every curve of her body, memorized her intimately, elicited a range of pleasure and emotions that no other being – man or woman – had been able to match since. How these same hands had also threatened her, hurt her and her loved ones. Caused her uncountable grief and sorrow.

What were they to her now?

He notices the conflicting emotions flashing across her exquisite face and steps closer, sliding his hands up, caressing her arms, shoulders, wanting to ease her pain. Somehow.

On impulse, Kamilah reaches out, tracing his cheek with the tips of her fingers. Such familiar features. That soft skin, so warm.

He closes his eyes, leaning into her delicate touch. The shadow of a smile dances on the corners of his lips.

“Gaius, will we ever find peace?”

He opens his eyes, locking onto hers. A mix of emotions flickering in those endless pools. Sadness, self-loathing, tenderness… and hope.

“Perhaps. Perhaps… we can attempt to continue our journeys of atonement together?”

Kamilah closes her eyes at that, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Gaius gathers her into his arms tenderly. She buries her face into the crook of his neck and breathes in his familiar scent, hints of leather and earthy notes. Allowing herself to be vulnerable for a moment.

Just a moment.

As the city buzzes in the distance, Kamilah whispers against his warm skin, regretfully.

“I am not certain I am ready for that.”

Gaius holds her tighter, unable to let her go just yet. He nods his understanding into her obsidian hair, bending towards her ear to murmur

“I have waited a thousand years to see you again. For you, my queen, I will wait a thousand more.”

[oleworm]

I didn’t think I’d get into any kind of TV show since The Terror (2018), but today I watched the first episode of The Sandman and it was so good?

Loved the cheesiness and fright of the occult ritual (magicians are ridiculous, especially those of the Aleister Crowley type, but a part of me always regretted that they weren’t real), and the flirting over Evelyn Waugh books.

When one of the characters suggests that the other should read Vile Bodies... What the fuck, I felt that this was written for me.

The interclass romance even felt like a nod to EM Forster’s Maurice, which I really liked and then hated, and is now just a part of my inner cultural landscape.

[deadpanwalking]

dpw help. i am coming to you to make an uncouth request for the meanest, funniest, most incisive book you have read published in the past century or so, and if it's a russian writer all the better. fiction or nonfiction. i read pushkin's children in a single sitting the other night and now crave more of that mineral. if you mock me i will kill you

I think people should read more Evelyn Waugh and make tenderqueer collages about Scoop and Vile Bodies for a change, but other than that? Russo's Straight Man is quantifiably bitchy, you can't go wrong with Wodehouse, Jerzy Kosinski's Cockpit is as hateful as a toad, Martin Amis' The Information is corrosive, Erofeev's Moscow to the End of the Line goes down easy, Bulgakov's Heart of a Dog has bite, and I am not even remotely fucking around about this:

[autismsubway-remade]

waugh its so hot and humid out -_- hate it supremely but i went to tj maxx and got body wash a perfume and body scrub andalso strawberry green tea its iced tea cold brew so u brew it cold wooo yaaay itsmells really good ummmm and the body wash is freesia and jasmine ^_^ and the body scrub is rose and aloe and the perfume is cherry moon by pacifica its cherry blossom and sugar and it smells rlly good and nice andfresh YAAAAAAY

[ephemeral-winter]

the year in books, 2021

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney (reread)

i am problematic and i am obsessed with ms rooney and i’m not apologizing for it

The Mitfords: Letters Between Six Sisters, ed. Charlotte Mosley

can you believe i am [redacted] years into my mitford obsession and it took me until this year to read their letters? your honor, i love them

How to Speak Brit by Christopher J. Moore

my uncle bought me this after i got into grad school (in the uk) as a joke and i read it to be polite? why? 

Enter the Aardvark by Jessica Anthony (reread)

!!!!! once again i heartily recommend both reading this and following @entertheaardvark

A Fine Old Conflict by Jessica Mitford

this is decca’s underread and underappreciated second memoir, and it is mostly about her time in the communist party in the us in the 50s and 60s. what a life! 

The Book of Night Women by Marlon James

i’m not including 99% of what i read for school this year because who has that kind of time, but i’m making an exception for this because holy shit. all the content warnings apply (novel is about a slave revolt in jamaica c. 1790), but holy shit. 

The Letters of Vita Sackville-West to Virginia  Woolf, edited by Louise DeSalvo and Mitchell A. Leaska

yeah i cried what about it

Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

fuck she’s so funny

No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood

this one was less funny

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters

i learned a lot of new slang! but i suspect i am not the target audience

Saturday by Ian McEwan

lmao so my creative writing teacher this past spring told me to read this because she thought my story draft needed a sex scene and this novel apparently contains a great example of one? 1) my draft did not need a sex scene 2) the scenes here were not good and 3) i can source and read good erotica on my own, thanks

Codex by Lev Grossman (reread)

he wrote this before the magicians and it’s about video games and medieval manuscripts and has lovely descriptions of the tedium of archival librarianship so

Transcription by Kate Atkinson

i completely missed the twist in this and was so confused for the last 50 pages… idk if you like spies this might be good

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adam’s (reread)

i read this about every 3 years and every time i forget what happens in it, which is nice for me i guess? 

Antiquities by Cynthia Ozick

read for my bookclub with my grandmother. meh. 

The Heir Affair by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan

well i AM a sucker for thinly-disguised retellings of the wills/kate saga what can i say

The Secret Life of Groceries by Benjamin Lorr

the best nonfiction i read this year

Whose Body by Dorothy L. Sayers

based on everything else about me i should have fell in love with peter wimsey years ago but i never got around to it and maybe i’m too jaded now but i just was not impressed? 

The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart (reread)

holds up imo! i watched the disney+ show and reread at the same time; book is better

The Magicians by Lev Grossman (reread)

i had a cold and wanted to stay in bed

Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik

oh wow another memoir of an american journalist in paris. tell me more about navigating french department stores for the first time, please, i find it so fascinating

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney (reread)

fuck did i really do this one TWICE in one year? i hate myself

Real Life by Brandon Taylor

brandon’s twitter is miles more interesting than this book but i guess i see why it got shortlisted for the booker. i guess. 

One Last Stop by Casey McQuinston

look it’s not my fault i needed something easy to pick up and put down while the kids i babysat this summer took their naps

Helena by Evelyn Waugh

i think i read this one in one sitting in the bath but other than that i could not tell you anything about it

Normal People by Sally Rooney (reread)

i’m clinically insane

The Past by Tessa Hadley

i actually liked this a lot! never read any hadley before but i might get into her now

Quartet by Jean Rhys

i think i prefer good morning midnight over this one

The Right to Sex by Amia Srinivasan

interesting stuff but i gotta ask: haha and then what? 

Beautiful World, Where Are You? by Sally Rooney

read this on the plane on my way to start grad school. i have no interest in rereading it

White Houses by Amy Bloom

FUCK this is so good. she captured the intimacy of eleanor and hicks so beautifully. goddamn

Matrix by Lauren Groff

i was supposed to love this especially since my mentor was the historical advisor and also i was present at the lecture that inspired it but uh…. twas not my ideal representation of a 12th cen nunnery

How to Be Both by Ali Smith

picked this up on my first day out of a stupid week of stupid isolation and whizzed through it! i am an ali smith stan now

Business as Usual by Jane Oliver and Ann Stafford

this reprint of a 1930s novel was charming! recommend

The Covent Garden Ladies by Hallie Rubenhold

very interesting history, but i prefer the tv show (harlots)

[rubickk7]

Fic Interview Meme

Thanks for the tag @lizardkingeliot. Always love the chance to talk about myself.

How many works do you have on AO3?

45. I have a couple anon up there for exchanges waiting to go live.

What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

799,028 – I’ve been writing since May 2020. Will hit 800k next weekend when my next exchange is revealed.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Here’s the list from my dashboard – 20 of these are drabbles.

The Magicians (TV) (23)

Original Work (3)

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling (2)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV) (2)

Twilight Series - All Media Types (1)

Loki (TV 2021) (1)

A Knight's Tale (2001) (1)

The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types (1)

The Old Guard (Movie 2020) (1)

Angel: the Series (1)

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV) (1)

Superman & Lois (TV 2021) (1)

Labyrinth (1986) (1)

Daria (Cartoon) (1)

Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston (1)

The Mummy Series (1)

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (1)

Shadow and Bone (TV) (1)

10 Things I Hate About You (1999) (1)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (1)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

The Magicians - Lev Grossman (1)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (1)

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) (1)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

There's No Place Like Home – Queliot, fake-dating post-mosaic

i'll put your poison in my veins – body swap fix-it fic

How to Make Two Stubborn Wizards Kiss – HP Drarry soulbond fic

The Only Exception (with the floppy hair) – Queliot soulmate fic

Quentin Coldwater and the Universal Truth (That a Slytherin as hot as Eliot Waugh would never be attracted to a Hufflepuff such as himself) – TM/HP/P&P Fusion.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yep. I enjoy it when authors respond to mine, so I reply to others. If the comment is just emojis or a few nice words, I may not respond, basically because I don’t expect responses on those when I leave them. I do appreciate anyone who leave a comment, from just one emoji to full capital keyboard smashes to long comments full of your favorite lines. Each one makes my day.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hrm. Typically I write fluff and happy endings, but a couple I did for exchanges ended pretty ambiguously – so probably either ashes in my mouth (TM, Niffin!Alice & Q) or baby did a bad bad thing (TM, Q23/Q40)

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I was going to say no, but yeah, I did a Magicians/Harry Potter/Pride & Prejudice fusion fic for my second fic ever. I guess that one was pretty crazy, trying to merge three universes. I’m pleased with how it came out; it was a lot of fun to write.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my face. So, nope.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. Typically M/M. I have a few F/F and one M/F.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. @hoko-onchi-writes and I have talked about it, and I think it’ll happen one day.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Queliot, although these days I enjoy many ships – Jaskier/Geralt, Clint/Coulson, among others

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don’t have any incomplete fics.

What are your writing strengths?

Finishing fics? Capturing a character’s personality through dialogue. I don’t know.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Brevity. In the exchanges I’ve done, I’ve had the highest word count fics in over half of them.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I haven’t done this. I’m fine with it, when I read it in other fics. I think I usually just say “He chants the Romanian words” or whatnot.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

The Magicians popped my fanfic cherry.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I hate this question. I don’t know. I like them all; and my range of what I've written is pretty across the board. I guess here’s my top eight, in no particular order:

There’s No Place Like Home – fake-dating post-mosaic. This one felt like a romcom as I wrote it, which was partly why I enjoy it so much. I feel like the humor was pretty well done. Thanks to @freneticfloetry for the bunny.

Love Me To Life – Written for a fairy-tale exchange, based off the Pygmalion myth. The bunny for this one hit me while I was standing in line for Asian food, and it was just a delight to watch it come to life. I figured out various plot points along the way, and it just fills me with delight to reread it.

i’ll put your poison in my veins – my first real fix-it. I was proud of myself for sticking with the teen rating, even though I really wanted to put some smut in the end. It just felt good to write a real fix it.

so hot, so sweet, so whet my appetite – my first OW. I Love these two so much; I’m expanding their universe into an original novel.

The Only Exception (with the floppy hair) – this flowed out of me in 3 days. I love the soulmate trope; it’s my favorite, and this was the first one I ever wrote. Thanks for the inspo, @freneticfloetry.

Professor Coldwater: Social Maladjustment 101 – Pretty sure I’d get murdered in my sleep if I didn’t include this one. My longest fic, my goal was to write angst and smut. And I did that.

you said the words, and they altered the universe – TM, book/show fusion. Sort of. I wrote this probably when I was at my height of loving Queliot and the TM fandom, and I think it shows. I was just so enamored of this fic as soon as I finished it. I still love it. Just not that intensely, I suppose.

if I get burned (at least we were electrified) – TM, Wickoff. I just enjoyed writing a fic from a song, and I like how I did it with the flashbacks.

Tagging @mixtapestar @hoko-onchi-writes @freneticfloetry @shmazarov @eidetictelekinetic

[bowl-of-shortness]

Yessssssss, I'm so excited to see you taking Cloqwork prompts!!!!!!! I can't wait to see what you come up with, if you decide to use them, of course ☺️

For any of your AUs: "It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway."

Have fun, Vix, ily (platonic) 💙💙💙

Waugh thank you Zac! Ily too (platonic) 💖💖💖

“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.” Necromancer AU

Metal. Metal and concrete, that’s what he smelled. He opened his eyes to see himself in a small, damp, and pitch black cell. His breathing quickened as he tried to jump back, but couldn’t as his back was already against the wall, he feet up against the wall opposite to him.

It was cramped, so so SO cramped, he hated it, he hated small spaces, the smell of metal, the feel of concrete against his bloodied and bruised body. “No no no no not again, no.” He whispered. A loud bang rang out as the metal door of the cell was flung open, he was quickly yanked out and thrown to the ground by a man in a uniform. The man was yelling, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying, he hit his head and his ears were ringing, his vision going in and out. He was crying, hard. Shaking so much that it felt like the world was being hit with an earthquake. Suddenly again he was thrown, this time into a wall and then he blacked out.

Ozpin screamed as he shot up in bed. He was drenched in sweat, crying, and shaking. “Nightmare.” He sighed, “Just a nightmare... thank the brothers.”. He put his hands over his face and tried to slow his breathing, unfortunately this wasn’t the first time Ozpin had a nightmare about his experience in Atlas, nor would it be the last. The scary part was that they were becoming seemingly more common again. He replayed the nightmare in his mind over and over again, still trying to slow his breathing.

Suddenly, a small “Beep?” brought Ozpin back to reality. He pulled his hands down from his face to see his son standing in the doorway of the bedroom with worry written in his expression. His scream must’ve woken him up. Ozpin sighed once more, “Hello my love, sorry for scaring you. Papa’s alright.” He smiled gently at Oscar. “Dream?” Oscar asked quietly, The necromancer nodded “Yes dear, bad dream... now you should get back to bed, I’ll be okay.”

Once Oscar had left the room and had closed the door, Ozpin looked towards the bathroom, “One night. One damn night is all I ask.” He thought bitterly to himself as he headed off to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

After he had successfully cleaned himself up he walked out of the bathroom and looked to the clock. 2:27 am, seems like he won’t be falling back asleep anytime soon, not like he wanted to anyway. Heading downstairs, he grabbed his glasses and began to descend the stairs quietly. He made himself a cup of hot chocolate. He let his mind wander while sitting at the table, memories of the prison, the ship, and his early days in Vale caused him to get lost in his own thoughts.

Knock knock knock.

Ozpin’s attention immediately snapped to the quiet knocking at the door, checking the clock again he thought to himself, irritated “It’s 2:38 in the goddamn morning, who the hell is knocking.”.

Opening the door, his irritated expression soon turned to one of surprise and worry to find an old friend standing on the porch. “Hey Ozzy, sorry to knock so early in the morning” Qrow gave a half hearted chuckle, “You look like hell Qrow.” Ozpin said bluntly, Qrow cocked an eyebrow and proceeded to eye the taller man up and down “Gee, thanks. As if you’re any better Mr. I-have-bags-as-dark-as-my-trench-coat.”

Ozpin laughed “Come in birdie.” “Gladly.” Qrow smirked as Ozpin gave a puzzled look at the comment “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I’d go inside anywhere if it meant I was being invited in by you~” Ozpin scoffed. “As if.” “It’s true!” Qrow strolled inside the familiar house.

Flirting, Qrow was playing his flirting game with Ozpin at almost 3:00 am. It’s different this time, his tone is layered with a undertone of worry and sadness. “He’s trying to hide something.” Ozpin thought as he looked at Qrow, sadness wasn’t a good look on those gorgeous tawny features.

Ozpin quickly pushed away that last thought, he needed to focus on finding out why Qrow was at his house. “So, birdie, why are you here?” Ozpin questioned, “Heh, it’s a long story, plus you’ll probably be comforting me until sunrise if I were to tell you...” Qrow trailed off looking down. Ozpin narrowed his eyes worriedly “Nightmare.”

“Is that a question or a statement”

“Statement.”

“Fair enough, yeah, it was a nightmare.” Qrow shrugged nonchalantly, trying to brush it off as nothing. But the silver haired man had known Qrow for a long time to know that it absolutely wasn’t ‘nothing’. “Well then, go ahead, tell me.” Ozpin turned around and faced the kettle he was boiling water in. Qrow looked astounded “Seriously? Even after what I said about you might needing to comfort me until sunrise? You’ll still listen?”

“It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

Shit.

“What do you mean you ‘couldn’t sleep anyway’?” Ozpin turned around to see worry taking over sadness in the shorter mans expression.

He needed to save himself from Qrow’s worry, and fast. This wasn’t about him, Qrow was the one to show up at his home early in the morning because he had a nightmare, it would be rude to make this situation about himself.

“Qrow, I never slept well anyway, I’m up all hours of the day and night. Nothing happened, I promise.” It was a silent and subtle plea to drop the topic, but Qrow wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“Ozzy I’ve known you since we were kids, I know when you’re lying. Starting with the fact that you never call me by my name unless something is wrong.” Damn why did he have to be so fucking smart, on any other occasion he would’ve congratulated Qrow’s attention to detail but now he was cursing it.

Ozpin glared at Qrow before speaking, “Nothing happened. So. drop. it.” He hadn’t realized how much force and defense he had put into those words until they came out of his mouth. He immediately regretted it and covered his face with his hands before quickly stuttering out “I-I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have— ugh I’m such a moron— I didn’t mean to—“ suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Ozzy, it’s ok. You can talk to me.” Qrow looked at him gently, curse that gentle look and it’s ability to make Ozpin’s heart melt.

“He’s not mad. Why isn’t he mad? I just snapped at him...” Ozpin mentally questioned over and over. “Same thing as you. I had a nightmare. It was......it was about the instance I had been knocked unconscious after being thrown into a wall....in the prison by that guard....” The silver haired man looked away from the noirett. “Damn Ozzy.....I’m so sorry....I know how much the prison cell ones bother you.” suddenly the noirett hugged him.

Ozpin sighed and hugged back, welcoming it. After a while he whispered “So I told you mine, what about yours?” He felt Qrow shrink back slightly. “Inspection.” “Ah. I see.” Ozpin hugged the shorter man tighter.

“Do you mind if we stay like this for a little longer, I feel safe...” Qrow mumbled into Ozpin’s chest

“I don’t mind at all. I feel the same way.” He said as he rested his head on top of Qrow’s.

The rest of the morning was spent hugging, talking and drinking hot chocolate. Neither were ready nor wanted the day to start quite yet, enjoying the other’s company far too much to want to go to work.